#and individual therapy too
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#jung eun chae#kim yoon hye#Jeong Nyeon: The Star is Born#Ep 7#moon ok gyeong#seo hye rang#these two vex me like no other#couple therapy is made with these people in mind#and individual therapy too#especially SHR#but for whatever her faults and misguided+idiotic+unwise+jealous behaviour#I feel very sympathetic towards SHR#something I don’t understand all too well because I don’t like her all that much#neither her looks nor her character#but every time I look at her I see a damaged and fragile character#and my heart just aches for her#learning about her webtoon backstory does not help#I truly hope there is a mini-redemption arc for her#she is not a ‘good’ person but neither is she wicked#just a traumatized woman seeking to seek her own justice and love#from another woman who will disappoint her again#am here for Moon Ok Gyeong and her fangirl#and I still feel like slapping MOG over the head too often to be at all healthy#these two are killing me#either have a clean break up or talk things out FFS#drama-MOG is not even in the wrong and I still feel resentful of her#all I can say is that Kim Yoon Hye was perfectly casted and performed SHR flawlessly#though I do think MOG shared a lot of blame despite her not directly being the ‘bad guy’#please drama something good for these two in the end 😭😭😭🥺🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽#I don’t want to have to headcanon my own ending again 😭
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dr s2 is really great so far
#ONLY 2 EPS IN NO SPOILERS PLEASEEEE#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#dragons rising#artsbotz#ninjago spoilers#so vaguely.#trying to do at least one doodle per ep. for fun#id like to rewatch the whole show at some point so it cld be fun to do that too for old eps#i probs wont post them all individually but im excited abt watching it again#me: heh... guess ill watch the new ninjago season. im kinda over it tho / me five minutes in: [passed out from excitement]#very fun . we WILL get the therapy arc. i can feel it coming#sorry abt the zane pic but that line rlly made me giggle bc i wasnt looking at the screen when it happened. the possibilities
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Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors
Me: *Is super stressed over life.*
Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.
Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.
Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.
Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.
Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.
Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*
Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...
Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL
#is this tmi? oh well. this is the tmi website#trichotillomania#dermatillomania#onychophagia#bfrb#body focused repetitive behavior#ocd#guys guess what? my therapist all but prescribed that i get a manicure to prevent picking at my skin#apparently after a year with this therapist i never mentioned my finger picking until this week#and she was like 'ok since you find it tough to paint them yourself get a manicure. self care and preventative'#because my cuticles are horrific due to me constantly picking at them and the sides of my fingers#so i've always been too embarrassed to go to a nail salon and my therapist was like 'exposure therapy!'#currently my nails are sloppily painted because i can't hold a brush still and they're already chipping after like 5 days#actually they probably started chipping on the second day honestly.#i need to redo my twists a bit which actually satisfies the trich urges since i'll be running my fingers through my hair to do it#but i won't actually be pulling. but also. i will be getting the shed hairs out. so. kind of fulfills that.#but right now my nails are long enough for me to feel them sometimes hit my keyboard. which. isn't normal for me.#and despite the nail polish i feel the urge to bite them shorter ahhhhh#anyway if you're Black with natural hair and have trich i HIGHLY suggest mini twists since it helps deter me from pulling#sure i have to redo it every few weeks but seriously. game changer. harder to find individual hairs to pull.
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Btw things will work out in the end and you don't have to address them all at once and on this exact moment. Sometimes things have to simmer a little bit
#this is a post for me too#i am an anxious individual 👍 and i have a weird time socializing 👍#this combo makes me wanna like. know everything everyones talking about and thinking about and feeling about Right. Now.#including myself#but some things gotta simmer... and im learning this now#i think im rushing a lot of stuff around me bc i dont like feeling uncertainty#bro uncertainty is beautiful uncertainty is the seed for certainty. ome day i will know and if i dont it doesnt matter#im feeling so light. therapy did ne womders#ive been going for like 4 months now and woooww great stuff truly great stuff#i feel a lot more put together and organized inside my head#its easier to avoid spiraling its easier to choose the healthy path its easier to breathe and to look around and Exist#things got easier#yaayy#talk
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how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?
#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk#i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting#it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer.#i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love.#im not the type you launch a thousand ships for.#so what's left?#who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture.#i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for.#im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now.#except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving.#i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around.#how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too.#its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like#ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out.#ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing#the trail? how do i become myself happy and free?#because i WANT to be more#i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy#but i dont know how to get there#and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me#all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself#i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do#anyway.#anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol#im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good.#please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM#lilac rambles
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masha broke a bowl by accident in the kitchen and when i brought her the broom and dustpan and asked her if she was okay, she looked at me, straight-faced, and said, "no, i'm not okay." and then i realized she meant that she still feels emotionally abused by the house somehow, and i felt a flash of anger because i am so sick of her shit, and i rephrased, "are you physically injured?" and she gave me another look and said "i'm physically okay." and then when connie asked from her room "what's going on?" masha replied "nothing new." like fuck off ohhhhhhhh my god
#p#i'm actually sick of making room for people like this#it's not me being kind or understanding. it's me being a doormat and driving myself crazy for not making everyone happy 24/7#would masha feel better if i continually approached her and invited her to things and forgave her every time she acted like this?#yeah she would. and i can imagine the emotional place she's in right now is a terrible one and i empathize#which is why i feel guilty for being too tired to do the above. but also? but ALSO???#in her head she will always be the victim. everything we do she will always interpret in bad faith; choose the most unkind interpretation#it's gabe all over again. they live in an alternate reality from me and from the rest of the house and it is impossible to reconcile the tw#and i get this feeling of anger and a part of me thinks of it as me 'letting myself be a bitch' but it's not actually that#it's literally self-respect. it's me being so burnt out that i don't have the energy to pretend this is somehow my problem#the whole meme of 'aren't you tired of being nice. don't you wanna go apeshit' that's about being inauthentic not abt being nice#sure authentic/inauthentic is a loaded therapy term now but it's just accurate. i should be able to NOT do things if i'm not moved to#i don't feel like talking to her. i don't feel like inviting her to things. i don't feel like giving an apology for an imaginary wrong#she can hate me for the rest of time. she can be miserable for the rest of the year while she stays here. i don't fucking care#she is making herself miserable. it is absolutely 100% on her. in any way that matters it is up to her to fix her own shit#i am so sick of this idea that somehow through the healing power of kindness and friendship everyone can be lifted up#because actually some people refuse to be helped. and it is so hard for me to reconcile this with my worldview#but it's been proven to me over and over again that this is the truth.#i guess it doesn't necessarily apply to material realities but i think it does for emotional ones#but even that division between the material and the social/emotional feels false to me. they're always related#maybe the actual lesson is that you as an individual and sometimes even as a community#have limited resources. and while the world's ills could theoretically be solved with infinite generosity and kindness#you cannot singlehandedly make that happen.#and also if the other party isn't receptive there's only so much you can do.#god i've written like a fucking essay trying to justify to myself why i'm angry at masha bc i want to be validated for it#even though i know by now that i actually don't need to explain myself to anyone -- even to myself
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therapists will be like "what do you think we could do in here that would help you with these struggles?" like bestie if i knew how to fix my problems i wouldn't be in here rn
#eliot posts#i don't blame them individually but idk i kinda am currently peeved about the whole general therapy system#and am bitching about it on here#i've been through the whole Ordeal with starting new therapists too many times to count#bc of specifically how the university's system works#like yay that it's free but GOD#you can kinda tell it's more suited to ''i'm homesick and my girlfriend left me'' type problems#and less towards ''my parents horrifically abused me and i have medication-resistant bipolar disorder'' type problems#AND they put a limit on how many sessions you can have with the Real Doctors and scheduling w them is Hell#do instead i've been going to the second programme that is TRAINEES (under supervision of A Real Doctor)#bc they don't have that cap#i felt like i was Maybe starting to get somewhere w the previous one but i don't get to see her anymore bc Scheduling Bullshit
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Most people really have no business being in a relationship because they haven’t done the necessary inner work that is required so instead they use the other person as an escape from uncomfortable feelings and expect their partner to heal them from their traumatic past. Like how you gonna be with somebody, deal with their emotions and past if you can’t even handle your own?? That’s why when some people ask me for relationship advice, I advice them to break up.
#this shit is too common#and it’s one of the reasons why I refuse to get into a relationship#almost every single person on this planet does it for the wrong reasons#normalize being single af#and working through shit ALONE#makes for a much stronger and capable individual#mine#thoughts#about relationships#love#therapy#inner work
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me shipping these two is like 95% memes and jokes, because they the god’s perfect idiots and making fun of them makes me happy. but i am actually quite fond of them, for better or for worse (it’s worse), and that’s why stuff like this exists
for those who need some comfort after the hurt: here you go, a modern!au where no one dies at fifty! you’re welcome and also i’m very sorry
#my art#my doodles#it’s been interesting few weeks and i needed some tenderness for a change#so i’m drawing tlk and mash obviously#cause i’m predictable#but also like don’t expect any smooches for these too#in the nearest future at least#couples therapy (and individual too actually) first anything else later#and all those rings in the modern!au piece? absolutely feel free to interpret how you want but i am a big fan of polyamory personally#the last kingdom#tlk#tlk uhtred#tlk alfred
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*checking the tracking information for my package from under a pile of overpriced teas and vitamins* this next herbal supplement will fix me
#g o d what is up with my brain thats been making everything so hard recently#like. im in a job that im MUCH happier with now and loving it. im no longer living a waking trauma nightmare as a call center sup#...why is my brain acting like im forcing it on a trek through fucking mordor just trying to get through a normal day at work#im on break from school. why am i not able to do any of the things that i wanted to do during the semester but was too busy for#why am i not able to do anything that i want to do and if i DO manage to do it why am i not able to enjoy it#why am i living like every moment of my life in fear that im wasting my time or doing something wrong or not good enough#and like i KNOW the answers are adhd and depression and anxiety#but my buddy. my pal. @ the wrinkly fleshy thing in my skull#im on 6 different psychiatric medications with a total of up to 11 individual pills per day. im actively in therapy and have been for years#and my life is currently much better than it maybe has ever been! WHY am i still struggling so hard 😭#like i know recovery isnt a straight line and etc etc but like. it just feels like im doing everything im 'supposed' to do so what gives#so. gonna start drinking more plants i guess and see if that helps. im already on some that seem to help but i think i need more now#bc im having a bad time in my brain prison tbh :(#im not even like upset typing all this out either im just like. bewildered. incredulous. exhausted#lets hope this new overpriced tea fixes me i guess#rambling
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my most education major take is that people don't want you to parent your children anymore. people don't want mothers (and fathers) to give any sort of life-advice or care to their children. people have become so therapy-obsessed and the whole "intergenerational trauma" craze has made it so that you should actually pass nothing onto your child. you should just take your child to therapy and feed them baby formula until they're 18 and at that point, they're on their own. it's cruel and inhumane and the way people want to de-involve society at large in the raising of children, down to that they shouldn't even be parented anymore.
#again im childfree maybe im way offbeat but i think way too many of the expectations that are placed on parents esp mothers#come from people who never have or want children#im not trying to say pass all your shit to your kids like you're in hereditary#but you SHOULD pass things and life principles and likes and dislikes onto your child#i think people nowadays are obsessed with emotionally well children and don't think that sometimes#you have to lack things as a child to develop into an adult that has will and capacity to survive#idk#you can say this is cruel and anti-therapy or whatever the fyck you want#but grandparents and schools and aunts and uncles used to be so involved in raising children.#there USED to be a village for every child#it was NORMAL for your child's teacher to discipline them and teach them not school but life principles#nowadays apparently nobody but a fucking phone and a therapist can raise children#which i think is contributing to the way mothers are treated in our society#if we don't acknowledge it's fucking hard to raise children and that you SHOULD be individual in it and focus not just on needs#and random pop psychology but also on what the human in front of you is growing into#i think it's bullshit and it in the long run would not be good for our world
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self proclaimed empaths who actually manage to b cold selfish and egotistical vs a very significant portion of self proclaimed spiritualist teachers service offerers today
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Wooo Whooo! My self ship is officially therapist approved. As long as it isn’t all consuming she says self ships are a great tool to teach yourself to love yourself again. And she says it can be very useful in learning to process my past traumas (CPTSD is so fun y’all)
#selfship is self care#Hawks and Katsuki are proud of me for doing therapy#They both are trying too#We all have therapy on different days though so we aren't all emotionally drained at the same time if we can help it#Healing our inner children individually and together
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I’m too good at masking. Went in for day three of PHP and the head nurse said I don’t seem like I need to be there. “You’re already on meds and stable” why do you think I’m stable? Yes I’ve been on these meds for less than a month so who knows if they work or not. I sure don’t feel stable. I feel like if you don’t let me stay here and learn how to cope with my trauma and psychosis I will kill myself by the end of the year actually!
#🌱.txt#3 whole days and you think you know how I’m feeling?#I haven’t end had one individual therapy session I’ve only had group therapy and a few coping skills lessons#and the med person there doesn’t think I’m psychotic she thinks I “have trauma that is manifesting psychotic symptoms”#bitch explain to me how that doesn’t make me psychotic????#IM ON FUCKING ANTIPSYCHOTICS WHAT DO TOU MEAN#I just hate that I look normal to people when I feel like a literal beetlejuice afterlife waiting room monster on the daily#also the fact that I told her that moth my mom and my maternal grandmother is/was psychotic and I have a cousin on my moms side#that is also currently right now psychotic too!#“it’s caused by trauma” yeah I still think that counts#this is why I hate trying to get help bc unless I show up next week covered in cuts and bruises they won’t believe that I’m struggling#I’m so fucking mad
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an orphan who doesn't remember a family's warmth so they find it in their friends. they love them, they see light in them, and they cherish their time together the most. they care so much it hurts to let go. their friends ARE their family, but what are THEY without them? they're nothing. empty. aimless. and desperately searching for a way to be with them anyway. until they overcome themselves and realize their dependency and lack of self. and-
#fifty musings#specifically catters to me#but i was thinking about aruru otsuki and siffrin parallels in this one#and i can see nana here too#aruru and her family#siffrin and their family#nana and HER family#they're very different individuals who ended up with a similar issues#they all need therapy
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Finding people to block through other shitty blogs is like finding ant infestations but at least I can properly get rid of the ants. Why are these like real people
#voloposting#obscene levels of stupidity and bigotry and they’re in these clusters all the time and they’re disgusting individuals every time#vent post#I should go to sleep I have therapy tomorrow but now I had to look at all these miserable cunts to get them out of my sight. ugh#mithrunposting#I’m upset too
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