#and in the negative sense of ‘The Life Support Incident’(which I know for a fact haunts him every day after he goes into Starfleet)

[attiredpan]

Nog is a girls boy.

Source? Trust Me Bro.

[eriochromatic]

What are your thoughts on what Silco was like before Vander tried to drown him? I'm seeing these takes on the Silco tag that he was always a bad person and not a real revolutionary, but I don't think that's true. The flashbacks suggest he was coming from a sincere place but became selfish, paranoid, and power hungry (controlling) post-fallout.

LOL I mean you're asking a Silco artist (who specifically likes drawing him in domestic settings) what they think about Silco. so like. no he's not a bad person to me haha.

Of course I'm in the camp that his actions were sincere, perhaps I'm a being a bit generous but I think his actions in s1 are still consistent with that sincerity of wanting undercity independence. We never know exactly what he was going to do once he got his nation of Zaun, so that can be left in the Schrodinger's box of interpretations, positive or negative. But he pretty much agreed to all of Jayce's non Jinx demands like stopping shimmer production and giving hextech back to Piltover. You could even argue that he didn't push back on the blockade that much because he knew he was close to getting independence and could temporarily stop shimmer trade. He specifically says "Jinx will deal with [the blockade]" which is a bit strange bc its not like Jinx is known for her diplomacy LOL. But I think it's because he knows Jinx is currently building a hextech weapon, and the blockade truly won't be an issue once they can just blast through it with Fishbones. Also, that entire scene was clearly there to indicate that unlike the other chem barons who can only see temporary solutions to fix their trade issues, Silco's underlying motivations are still Zaunite independence, not selfish capitalistic gains. Like, Finn clearly did not fucking understand how much power Zaun now has with the hex crystal, he was only focused on blockade hurting his own business.

Honestly calling Silco selfish is the weirdest take to me because the only selfishness we see him display is in relation to Jinx, and his possessiveness is more of a fear of abandonment than actually wanting to control her imo. I guess makes sense ppl might think of Silco that way since we see Silco most often in relation to Jinx, so that colors ppl's opinions. But if you take in account all the scenes that have nothing to do with Jinx… idk I find he's more lenient than the non-Silco fandom makes him out to be. Act 1 his ill will towards Vander was because of ideological and not personal reasons- he was willing to take Vander back if Vander supported Silco's ways. like. thats kind of insane to me. Silco already forgave Vander for ATTEMPTING TO MURDER HIM but was like "you know what's actually unforgivable? you becoming an enforcer bootlicker" idk how much more you can do to show that Silco isn't really motivated by personal selfish reasons (until Jinx came into his life) but revolutionary ones. And honestly I think he himself did not realize how much he loved Jinx until she nearly died, I don't believe for a second he was trying to manipulate her at any point in time. He's just a broken person trying to fix another broken person but like there's a reason why you gotta wear the oxygen mask first before helping your kid, I don't blame him for unintentionally pushing his trauma onto Jinx since it's not like there's therapy in Zaun

So yeah like. I see Silco in a very sympathetic light LOL, flawed and misguided perhaps but doing what he believes is necessary for success… you could argue that under Vander's leadership they would've just continued to be under Piltover's heel forever and Silco at least got something done idk. so I definitely see flashback Silco as someone who's even less culpable of whatever crimes he commits later on, he probably still has a bit of that youthful naivety and hope before the bridge incident fucked everything over lol. and I mean. as much as s2 was a mess, it unfortunately is canon. s2e7 Silco is clearly a well adjusted individual, if he really was a "bad person" I don't think the show would bother showing him in that AU.

Ultimately though I think people see what they want to see, if they already have a bad impression on him the flashback won't do him any favors, they'll just fit his actions into the box they've already given him.

Slight side tangent, there's a visual novel called Umineko (WHICH I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD READ, IT SHOULD BE REQUIRED READING), and a big theme in the story is "Without love, it cannot be seen," and that has really influenced the way I interact with characters in fictional narratives.

Obviously I love Silco as a character, I wouldn't be spending all this time drawing him if I didn't, and I've probably spent more time thinking about him than the average Arcane viewer. If a person watches Arcane and doesn't like Silco, I won't be surprised they come out of it with a surface level understanding of him without really diving deep into his motivations and actions. It's actually pretty funny because the friend that got me into Arcane was one of those Vi stans whose perception on him was on the more negative side but bc I yapped about him so much they've switched over to seeing the more positive side of him. And I mean same with me and Vi, I don't think I would like her as much as I do if it wasn't for that friend haha

[sepublic]

Christianity for Dana Terrace and TOH

I have to wonder about and consider The Owl House as an expression of Dana Terrace's own nuanced relationship with Christianity. We know she was raised in a Catholic school, and we've heard of the out-of-context incident where she got put into a headlock by a nun as a child (idk if context even matters in this scenario);

Plus, there's the show's obvious critiques of Christianity, via Belos' fanaticism and demonization of witches, plus his superiority complex and belief in predestination. And then we have Tarak bonding with King as a potential father figure, even being mistaken for his dad, only to sacrifice him anyway for the Grand Huntsman despite whatever hesitations he has; This story beat echoes the tale of Abraham and Isaac. The Emperor’s Coven/Cult is clearly Catholic.

But at the same time, we have Steve's reminiscing over the Titan as perhaps just some dude who doesn't know what he wants, either; And he's saying this as a former member of the Emperor's Coven, which itself applied a very Christian understanding of the Titan via Belos. We have Luz meeting the Titan in-person, and seeing that he's not some deity but just a person who meant well and tried his best.

The show emphasizes people being able to improve and get better and needing that chance, plus what I've said about Luz possibly being meant to represent a more positive, accurate portrayal of Jesus Christ; She dies and is resurrected with the power of the Titan, who isn't quite God but maybe she is in a meta sense? It's complicated.

So to psychoanalyze a real life person through their art (which I guess is what single author classes does to a mf), I have to consider that it's not as simple as Dana condemning Christianity as a whole; More than likely, a specific brand of Christianity, namely Evangelicalism, Catholicism, etc. We have to remember that what we often criticize as Christianity is more so a specific denomination, or group of; Christianity is a widespread religion comprised of countless different takes and interpretations of the Bible.

And IIRC (a source would be helpful), I think Dana even clarified that her experience with Catholic school wasn't wholly negative either? She did not consider herself abused, or at least abused abused. Her feelings might be mixed, especially because one doesn’t need to personally experience the worst to know about it; That is another way in which one might become critical.

I don't think Dana is outright resentful of Christianity as a whole, she might just have complicated feelings, criticisms, and thoughts; Tbf, this is how many denominations came to being. So when I see Steve reflecting on the Titan, and Luz getting to meet him... I think these scenes are, in a way, Dana making peace with the idea of God in her life; Getting to consider her relationship with and belief (or lack thereof) in him, and his paternal status to the world as a whole.

She's also recognizing his fallibility, God is a person and like any person his insight and support is illuminating, but not all-encompassing; It's not doctrine, it's just advice, from one person to another. So when the Titan reassures Luz, or Dana, he's not saying she's the specialest chosen one in the world; He's just someone with a lot of experience who can provide some guidance and clarification on life, not unlike Eda.

The Titan saying goodbye to Luz feels like Dana being able to part on -ultimately- good terms after resolving that major anxiety in her life, on a final note that is no longer resentful and more a fond memory overall. It’s her moving to the next stage of her life, as Luz herself does, now able to carry and believe in herself, and not need that same guidance to figure out what to do.

It’s a coming of age moment appreciating what was given by a paternal figure, with Dana now comfortable exploring other beliefs and practices after making her farewell with Christianity by realizing it isn’t absolute, yet still treasuring what it was able to give her. So she carries on what she can, at least in spirit, like… Luz and the glyphs, remembering them, and now having her own palisman to continue her love of magic that the Titan helped support. So we have both the narrative meaning to Luz behind all of this, and the real-life significance for Dana herself, which aren’t quite the same but there is overlap. And there’s also the other meaning for Dana in how the Titan represents her father, which we’ve already discussed.

So The Owl House and the storyline of the Titan could be Dana's own nuanced takeaway from Christianity; Her exploring how she feels about it, what she appreciates, what she doesn't, how it fits into the rest of her worldview. And I don’t think Dana is trying to convert anyone, nor condemn those who feel irreverent. I think she’s more about deconstructing Christianity to reconstruct it.

Be Gay, Do Witchcraft of course, I think there is a catharsis in exploring that. And also, because the sentiment behind that phrase might be less about Christianity being inherently evil, and more so that many queers don’t care what evangelicals think of them anymore; So sure, we’ll humor your fears for fun, we ARE the demons we’re accused of being. It’s like Eda saying “Well we ain’t!” in response to Belos’ claim that humans are inherently better. Plus demonized belief systems that aren’t Christianity deserve validity as well, hence the pagan influences being portrayed positively, with the narrative questioning the dismissal of certain ideas being ‘demonic’ or ‘savage’.

And of course, co-existence IS possible. And I find this important because it can be easy to just dismiss religion entirely in an edgy internet atheist type of way, but in the end one must reconcile that religion means a lot for a lot of people, many whom ARE chill and willing to co-exist; The narrative presents the spirituality of the Boiling Isles as something precious, for example. All belief systems are valid, not just these select few.

And maybe they don’t have to be mutually exclusive with queerness or “alternative” lifestyles, because a lot of people from these demographics aren’t quite comfortable with just getting rid of religion entirely, and they’re entitled to still maintaining that connection. If feminists can still have a nuanced relationship with femininity, so can believers with their religion.

People are simply asking to be allowed to exist and practice their beliefs in peace, they aren’t really calling for the eradication of the other. Just as queers don’t actually intend to abolish heterosexuality, they just want to be left alone. Let people decide how they feel about certain things, instead of making them get rid of it for their own good; That is every individual’s personal choice, just as yours is. And that feels relevant, given how much Choice is a theme in this show, and especially in the finale in which Luz meets the Titan properly, with the Titan emphasizing this agency to her.

[crossdressingdeath]

You know, thinking about it, I was wrong before. Nico has more reason to trust Hades than Percy does Poseidon at the time of the incident in TLO!

If you think about it, Percy's only evidence that Nico should've known it was a trap is that "[Nico] know[s] what [Hades]'s like", but... Nico's view of Hades would be much different from Percy's. Remember, Nico has a room in the palace at this time; Hades couldn't send him to his room the way he does later if he didn't have a room to be sent to. He's been living there! Hades allows him to live there! At this point Nico doesn't know that Hades used to visit him, Maria and Bianca regularly or that he actively stepped in to protect Nico and Bianca from Zeus and keep them safe until the time of Titan's Curse, but he does know that Hades is letting him live in his palace. Gods don't do that. Percy has to nearly die to even get a brief visit to Poseidon's palace, and he very openly knows that Poseidon wouldn't have claimed him to begin with if he didn't need him. Not to mention Poseidon has that whole thing where he explicitly tells Percy he wishes he didn't exist, which... is the sort of thing that's gonna have a negative impact on how you view your dad.

So when Percy says that Nico knows what Hades is like, what he's saying is basically... "The Underworld is evil and Hades is evil, how could you not know that," which is kind of an incredibly shitty thing to say to the child of Hades living in the Underworld? I mean, it is kind of just "You shouldn't trust your father because I think he's evil and the Underworld is evil", if I was Nico I'd be very concerned about what Percy thought of me when he started spouting that shit. Anyway, while Hades is far from a good father at this point in the series Nico still knows him as the father who is letting him live in his palace because he has nowhere to go, stepping well outside the usual bounds of gods interacting with their kids in the process. Hell, unless I've forgotten something (possible), it's entirely possible that by this point in the timeline Hades has already told Nico about Camp Jupiter (which would show a huge amount of faith in him, again above and beyond any other godly parent). Hades can be kind of a dick because all gods are dicks to their kids, but Nico has no particular reason not to trust him! Especially given Nico has exactly zero other adults in his life offering him any support and at this point in the timeline he doesn't remember his mother, so Hades is basically all he's got and he has no points of comparison other than his also-a-child sister who kinda sorta abandoned him (not going into her reasoning here but it was A Thing that would probably influence the way Nico thought about... caregivers, I guess, for lack of a better term to describe the twelve year old put in charge of her little brother) and Minos (who is... Minos. Enough said). It makes sense that when Hades says "Do this small thing for me and I'll tell you about your mother" Nico believes him, because while Hades has been awful to Nico at times there's no evidence that he's ever lied to him. Why should Nico doubt his father who gave him a place to stay when he had nothing and no one just because that father happens to be Hades and the place to stay happens to be the Underworld?

...Also in hindsight knowing just how much Hades spoils Nico (for a godly parent at least) in the future makes the "You know what Hades is like" thing kind of hilarious. Ah yes, the guy who gives Nico a place to stay when he has nowhere to go despite gods Not Doing That, tells him at least some of the gods' most guarded secrets and essentially takes it on faith that he'll keep his mouth shut, lets him get away with breaking the law that the dead stay dead without even a slap on the wrist, promises him a place in the palace when he eventually dies (which may or may not imply that Hades intends to make Nico a god when he bites it, but it's certainly not normal procedure for Underworld kids), tells him to his face he deserves everything, and backs up that claim by fulfilling his wishes with no payment required or debt accrued just because Nico asked if Hades thinking he deserved everything meant he'd do so (because Nico is a little shit, we love to see it) despite Hades claiming that wasn't actually what he meant. Why would Nico trust that guy? (I know, I know, it's not proof of anything at this point because most of that hasn't happened yet. But it is funny how completely Percy's claim that Nico should distrust his dad is eventually proved wrong by Hades spoiling his kid rotten.)

[chickenkupo]

Giving y'all a little something stuck in my head before I head out to a friendo gathering tonight. Also typing this on my phone so, thoughts and prayers for us all.

Comfort Care

Summary: After handling the incident with the Beret Society, Wriothesley begins to doubt his self-worth. His lovely partner offers him a moment of reprieve to remind him of his true value.

Warnings: A little bit of angst, mentions of trauma. Very light mention, though. I’m also not going to include spoilers other than mention of the Beret’s. That’s about it, surprisingly. I’m currently idle in Fontaine listening to the background music and this came to mind.

The bright blue sky was all he could behold as his head was resting in Neuvillette’s lap, the sun shining down on him and adding to the warmth that his lover’s lap also provided for him. A zephyr breezed by, and he could hear the trees in the distance, their leaves following the motions of the wind and offered a subtle shifting noise that brought him a wide sense of peace.

He then felt a gloved hand petting softly through his untamed hair, light scratches being provided as well as a soft pressure in a rhythmic motion. The more the ministrations continued, the more his thoughts seemed to slow, coming to a complete pause as he was consumed by the sensations. He shut his eyes, sighing deeply and began to feel himself drift away into an uncommon state of peace.

Archons, when was the last time since he was able to lay down and actually rest like this? Long before he was sentenced to the Fortress, which seemed like ancient history to him now.

“Wriothesley, though I admire you for your fortitude and discipline, I must say in some areas, you are certainly still lacking.” His lover said, hands continue to pet him and keeping him in his trance. Taking his words into consideration, Wriothesley frowned as he was about to reply, but was cut off.

“I know you will fight me tooth and nail about this, which is why I’m denying you the right for retaliation. You do not offer to me substantial proof that your character is lacking in any sort of fashion. Evidence submitted to me through observations, testimonies and the full known reputation of the Fortress shows how valued you are in Fontaine. You are called ‘Your Grace’ for many reasons, my soul, and none are of any negative factors.”

Wriothesley felt a shifting of weight below him, Neuvillette’s legs adjusting. He then felt a light pressure on his lips, causing him to open his steel-blue eyes in surprise, to take in the view. Neuvillette had leaned over to provide a soft, loving kiss, his white hair flowing around the two of them, like a light blanket of white rain.

Never in Wriothesley’s life had he felt so cared for, treasured like a fine gem that was found in the roughest pits. The scars of his past literally littered his body, haunting memories flooding through his thoughts at almost every waking hour. But now, that seemed all so distant. Lately all he could think about was this man and their future together. His heart swelled with happiness as he opened his mouth, deepening the kiss. He raised one of his hands, twirling the white hair on one of his fingers, feeling how soft it was.

They continued to share the kiss for a few moments more, until he felt Neuvillette pull away. Wriothesley was about to pout, until his partner continued to share more words with him.

“Wriothesley, I want you to understand that for as long as you allow me, I will do what I can with the powers within me to provide the life you were so easily denied. You will want for nothing. My love for you will never falter, I will support you however I can. Say the words, and it is yours.”

There was a brief moment of silence between the two of them as Wriothesley pondered his words, Neuvillette allowing him as much time as he needed. The Chief Justice knew that the Duke was not used to such affection, but the fact that Wriothesley had not physically attacked him or verbally denied him meant it took root, and was accepted. This made Neuvillette smile.

“Well if you’re not going to deny me anything, could ya maybe start back with the head scratches?”

Neuvillette swore if Wriothesley had a tail, it would be wagging like the happiest of dogs right now.

[amarachi13]

Public opinion and Christianity.

We are all guilty of being hypocrites at some point in our lives. Before you come at me with pitchforks, this is not an attack on your character. I am also very guilty of this. A specific incident comes to mind. When I was younger, there was this Catholic priest who I looked up to. For context, catholic priests are not allowed to have any sexual relations with anybody after they are ordained. A rumor started floating around that this priest secretly had a wife and two kids. To say that this devastated me would be an understatement. I walked away from God and church for a whole five years. Come to find out that the rumor, the one that completely decimated my faith in God, was false.

As individuals, we all know that misconception is false information. We also know that public opinion is often made up of misconceptions. Yet, we often make hypocrites of ourselves by allowing public opinion to influence us without verifying if that public opinion is actually true. In the same vein, the US Constitution guarantees our right to practice whatever religion we choose, even if that means not practicing any religion at all. We can all agree that it is up to us alone to determine how to exercise this right.

With these common grounds in mind, I invite you to consider the perspective, the claim, that individuals should not rely solely on public opinion to ascertain whether Christianity is the religion for them. Today, I will talk about the problem with relying on public opinion when it comes to Christianity, a solution to solving this problem, and finally, how we can contribute to this solution.

A 2019 survey conducted by the Pew Research Center found that “In the U.S., a smaller share of adults identify as Christians, while religious ‘nones’ have grown.” The number of people who identify as Christians is declining at a rapid rate while the number of people who do not identify with any religion at all is growing. This is largely due to the negative view of Christianity that is prevalent in mainstream media today. This is worrying because this negative view is actually made up of misconceptions such as believing that the bible supports slavery when in actuality, the bible condemns slavery and factors like pastor misconduct, which while unfortunately true, does not at all represent what Christianity is all about.

More than just painting a false and incomplete picture of Christianity, this negative view also pushes us away from whatever potential benefits that we could have gotten from giving Christianity a fair consideration. As we all know, Erik Erikson’s theory of development highlights that we continuously evolve as we go through different stages in life. Whether it be as teenagers trying to develop our sense of self or as adults trying to establish relationships and contribute to society. we try to do this by becoming a part of something bigger than we are, such as Christainity. Christianity is a possible avenue to develop our sense of self and contribute to the society around us but this prevalent negative causes us, most times without our conscious knowledge, to not even consider Christianity as an option.

But, we can resolve this issue. First, we have to understand that Christianity and religion as a whole are complex and multifaceted. It is made up of many different parts and this negative view is one aspect that barely scratches the surface of what Christianity actually is. Second, we educate ourselves. Julia Galindo Hayden, in a Harvard education publication on Revealing and Dealing with Misconceptions posits that we can combat conceptions by placing ourselves at the center of our learning process. When we seek to educate ourselves, we engage in an authentic process of discovery. That means we are able to trust the information because we found it for ourselves. There’s no he said, she said, they said, instead we are grounded in the truth of our knowledge.

Now, allow me to paint a picture of what our lives could look like if we all sought to resolve this issue. In a world where we all educate ourselves on the facts about Christianity, we would all know that religious beliefs help us manage stress better. We would know that religious involvement is linked with a lower risk for depression and mental health disorders. We would know all this and more. We would all be able to make informed decisions about Christianity because we are aware of all that Christianity has to offer and would therefore give it due consideration.

To recap, I talked about the problem with relying on public opinion when it comes to Christianity and invited you to consider forming your opinions of Christianity outside the influence of public opinion by educating yourselves. Now, I'm not saying become an expert on everything Christianity in one day because even after 5 years, I've barely scratched the surface. Instead, I urge you to take one small step. The next time that you are scrolling along TikTok or YouTube shorts and you come across a Christian video or a video that talks about Christianity in general, don't scroll past. Don't immediately believe or dismiss the information that you are getting from that video. Instead, use trusted websites like the Christian Post, World, etc to verify that the information you got from the video is true or not. By taking this small step, we all take a big step towards avoiding the mistakes that younger me made, towards making honest, authentic people of ourselves.

[goddamnwebcomics]

You know, this post came to my head recently, and you know, I can't help but wonder what the anon's mindset is regarding any form of criticism. Does the anon believe that you can't critique ANYTHING that is indie??? That's...not a good mindset to have, and I feel like this mindset harms any kind of indie production. It almost feels like a strawman argument, "anything indie is good, and anything corporate is bad". There was a time when indie ANYTHING was hard to find, and now that there's tens of thousands of non-corporate works available, why are so few of them popular?

Few weeks ago I played through a Crash Bandicoot fangame, while I really liked the presentation and creativity I was not a fan of the gameplay or the physics which I found infuriating. I left a long but blunt comment that generally tried to encourage the devs to fix the issues the game had so it could be played by all. I wanted to see the game succeed. Was I punching down at that moment???

I feel like the early years of this blog have given this blog a negative association which makes me glad I was never super popular. Yes, many of my early riffs were shitting on these comics for the sake of shitting it, but there still was a sense of construtivity to it all. And most of my opinions back then are the same as today.

I feel like this anon probably doesn't read or support too many webcomics themselves. If they did they would know just how many webcomics do have merchandise, physical copies that can be bought, Patreon pages and so much more. Only 30% of webcomics I have riffed match their description of a webcomic, and even then, the most pure passion comic in this blog is probably Carnivores. At this point Carnivores has been doing its own thing for almost 25 years and I am happy for Austin. Austin's not gonna listen to my critique but he's not really going to harm anyone.

What does harm people is this ideology that there should be people that should be exempted from criticism. There was an incident not too long ago where I told someone they were wrong online and they absolutely melted. Not all of us have self-awareness, and more you lack self-awareness the more you are gonna be made upset by criticism.

I remember when I ran a blog critiquing SuperSaiyanCrash, yes a lot of it was bashing and even stalking some of his friends, but it was clear nobody in Richie's friend group wanted to take criticism. Richie had only one person who actively critiqued him but he was...extremely quirky and quite honestly really annoying. But Richie wasn't better, he DID listen to critique at one point but slowly and surely slipped back to his old ways because he wanted to be more comfortable. And he would start using excuses like "I have autism" and "I drew this on a bad mood" to shield himself. And may I remind you Richie was close to his 30's when he was doing this.

Not too long ago there was an incident in a community I have been in for over a decade, the founder of this community had been kind of out of touch with rest of the community for a long time, leading to their work being under rest of community's standards. Then one day they drop this video that rightfully gets critiqued for being unnecessarily gory, uncanny, uncomfortable, screwing over audiences expectations and also exploiting real life drama. For few years, the video stays up, until it is deleted, and it's clear the critique from the video is affecting this creator. Then, after they cancel their original series, they upload this "fixed" version of the video that just serves as a middle finger to all the critics of the original video, and the creator goes on this whiny rant on the comments like "THIS COMMUNITY WON'T LET ME DO WHAT I WANT!!!". Understandably this burned rest of the community's bridges with this creator.

I don't think many of you follow professional wrestling, but there is this guy called Sean Ross Sapp. Sapp will look up ANY negative messages made about him on Twitter and then slides into the people's DM's making schizophrenic threats to them. Even the lightest critique he gets he responds to with "go fuck yourself" or something similar. Who is Sean Ross Sapp you ask? A journalist. Yes, an alleged journalist is reacting to being critiqued that way. If you're a journalist who faces critique for reporting erroneous stuff, for reporting these vague things without any sources, for not being able to get information for crucial topics, how can you have any credibility?

And that leads to what I think has killed criticism and all nuance around it as a whole, Twitter. I don't doubt for a second the anon of this post is more active on Twitter/BlueSky than Tumblr. I feel like Twitter and Reddit are the worst places online to give any form of criticism. Twitter because of the word limit and its culture in general and Reddit because of the voting system which creates echochambers and dissuades different opinions.

Yes, Bad Faith Critique exists, but "bad faith" has become such a buzzword people nowadays use it to mean "criticism that I don't agree with" RATHER THAN "criticism that is actually harmful and deceitful". To me, Bad faith criticism is "critique without a Win Condition in mind". "Win condition" means "when the work meets or exceeds the critics standards". If it mindlessly shits on something, that means there is no win condition. But you also have to remember, that your win conditions can't be impossible or too self-indulgent.

My Crash Bandicoot fangame critique from earlier has a win condition. FIx the physics, make it less painful to play the game and me and many others will be happy. My win condition for SuperSaiyanCrash is "stop writing sexist bullshit and stop being fucking unoriginal". My win condition for webcomics in general tend to vary. I know for works like Gene Catlow where the author of the story has passed, there is no win condition. At that point, I am just trying to give the story an indepth look without coming across like an asshole. There is a lot of indefensible stuff on Gene Catlow, that don't really come to you if you're just reading the comic on a whim, the implications of Family of Intelligent Life come to mind.

Some of you may have noticed this but one of my biggest pet peeves in any media are good messages that are executed poorly. I am not opposed to themes, I am not opposed to important messages, but important messages can't be haphazardly put into the story in a way that completely insults the audience, case in point, the infamous Spinnerette pro-choice scene. It feels forced, its context is tonedeaf, it feels like the author trying to go "HEY I AM A GOOD PERSON I SUPPORT THIS" rather than trying to make the story more relatable to those who resonate with this issue.

And that leads me to the sentence I genuinely despise when it comes out of person's mouth. "I am a good person". You are not in charge of detemining your morality, it is up to others to decide if you are good or not, based on your actions, your pragmatism, how much empathy you have for others. "I have basic human decency" is just another way of saying it but with even more smugness. Both of those sentences translate to "I have no self-awareness".

This is why we need critique, no matter what part of life you are. Yes, bigger things, like people in power and more popular things should take more priority at being critiqued, but that doesn't mean we should never critique smaller things. We all need to remember that win condition. If there is no win condition for you, then you are no different from people who just say "this looks like shit lmao". It is not critique. Flaming is not critique. Bashing is not critique. Wanting the person who made the work to be killed because you don't like the work is not critique. (You heard that 2017 me) It just validates the people you are critiquing to continue not taking criticism.

I am not saying I am a perfect critic, like all critics, I do mistakes. I have my own biases. But that is why I allow others to critique me. You are not punching down if you have more followers than me and you critique me. This anon tried to raise a critique about me, but they failed, because, they wanted me to literally stop what I am doing, because of their romanticized view of webcomics. I recommend looking at my good friend's reblog of this original ask to see them expertly rebuke the anon's claims. And the fact this anon never responded, proves they never were interested in critique in the first place.

But yes, most indie works need criticism to survive, to become popular, to get support. Support your local indie works by any means necessary, just don't enable their flaws or be a dick.

This blog makes me a bit sad. Webcomics are made and provided for free. Even if they’re bad, it feels a bit like punching down on passion projects. There is lots of bad media to “punch up” at, that makes millions of dollars—Marvel movies and so on. I’d genuinely like to know why you prefer to punch down on people making things they love for no pay.

Thank you for coming to the blog and voicing your concerns, but I do want to clarify a few things.

First of all, everyone and their grandmother bashes the big stuff. I stay out of touch with modern pop culture on purpose. Why should I make a blog bashing Marvel movies, everyone does that already? And besides, what’s even the point, those people are not gonna hear my crticism, and if they did, they’d just say I hate women or whatever, no matter what my actual criticism is.

Second of all, look at the description. “In this blog, we riff webcomics that haven’t been riffed million times, bad, decent, obscure or weird. “ “Bad” is just one category. Riffing purely bad media is torture, I look at every webcomic fairly. I am a fair critic and if you read this blog for more than one second, you would know that I give comics that I riff, a lot of praise. On top of that, I respect webcomics as a medium and you are right a lot of them are passion projects, but also, just because it’s a passion project you can read for free, doesn’t mean it’s free from criticism. The reason webcomics have such bad rep is because many of the most infamous webcomic creators just don’t take criticism. It’s a medium that smells bad for a reason, and few webcomics authors have contacted me and ASKED for their webcomic to be riffed.

Third of all, usually I’d brush off “punching down” as Twitter word salad, but you do realize that one of the comics I am riffing is locked behind a paywall, and whose patreon makes 1000 dollars a month? And the creator has another patreon that makes around 4000 dollars a month? That’s a bigger salary than 70% of Americans make in a month, yes I say Americans, because I know you are from there with the way you speak.  And also both of those comics happen to be some of the worst I’ve riffed? Is that “punching down”?

I can also confirm that I only have around 200 followers, I presume you have at least the double of that, so probably you’re punching ME down.

But I am sorry to hear that this blog made you sad. I hope you get better soon. Personally, I suffer from depression and to make myself feel better, I don’t look at things that make me sad, I recommend you do the same.

[saurexhas]

Love is Blind - Part 4

Time for couple drama! Nightmare doesn’t want anything to hurt his precious little moon, but how does said moon feel about the special treatment?

PS: Make sure you go to the end to find a special surprise that I’ll be doing for this series!

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Adjusting to blindness is never something you thought that you’d have to do, but it was the unfortunate reality you found yourself in. There certainly wasn’t a manual to it either, but you were managing thanks to everyone’s help. There were several days first spent on bedrest while you recovered from the initial incident, and it gave you a chance to come to terms with your fate and what your actions had brought. You still didn’t regret them though, because your sight was truly a small price to pay for Nightmare’s life.

That didn’t mean that the adjustment period was easy, and you probably would’ve succumbed to despair more than once if Nightmare hadn’t been by your bedside almost the entire time. Your bedroom was quickly turned into his temporary office, allowing him to continue his work and further his plans while offering you the reassuring touch of a tentacle that always lingered on your arm as proof of his presence.

When your partner was finally comfortable with the idea of you leaving your bed, it was… well, difficult would be putting it mildly. You never once realized just how much you relied on sight for almost everything. It took a day and a bit of you simply wandering around your room to not bump into everything, and even longer to actually be able to navigate by touch. Thankfully, nobody in the castle really cared about your appearance, so you weren’t judged by what clothes you were able to find and put on by yourself.

Your room was about the only place where you could safely be allowed to wander on your own at first. The castle was a confusing labyrinth of pathways and corridors that were already difficult to navigate. Attempts to explore the castle in the past had led to you almost getting lost in some abandoned part of the castle, so there was no way you were even going to try such now. But even the areas that were once familiar to you were now alien as you relied on sound and touch to guide you instead of the sense you so heavily relied on.

For the first while, Nightmare personally escorted you on any walks outside of your room. This was mostly to and from meals, a time where you could practically feel everyone’s eyes on the two of you. Your seat had also been moved towards the head of the table, just to the right of Nightmare. The dark god claimed that it was so that he could assist you should you need help with your meals. Killer was quick to point out how any of them could help you though, teasing that the real reason was simply to stick next to you like “an overprotective boyfriend”. According to Cross, the look on Nightmare’s face had been one of pure murder… even if everyone at the table knew that the idiot was right.

One thing that Killer also nailed was how protective your boyfriend suddenly was. Gone were the days of you having free reign over the castle. Instead, in the instances where he couldn’t personally escort you, one of the others was chosen to be your guide instead. Even as you grew more comfortable heading to the areas you often frequented, the rule didn’t let up. He’d also put a stop to any training or sparring plans you might’ve had, insisting that it was too dangerous to continue when you couldn’t see an attack coming.

While you understood that he did it out of love, that didn’t change how frustrating it was. You already couldn’t read, play cards, or even really cook, the last of the three likely being on the dark god’s ban list had there not been enough obvious difficulty to deter you. Sparring with the guys, while rough, was one of the only hobbies you had left, and you trusted that none of them would seriously hurt you. But Nightmare refused to listen to any arguments you put forward, and none of the others would entertain the idea for fear of their lord’s wrath.

So on top of learning to navigate a world of utter darkness, adapting daily chores to your new limitations, and being treated like you were fragile, you were utterly bored. And as days turned to weeks, your frustrations grew. You were used to everyone simply treating you as one of the crew, albeit one that Nightmare favoured. When you first arrived here, you had to fight for your right to remain and not be turned into dinner. The others had respected you for the most part, and if you wanted to engage in any of their usual antics, they didn’t hesitate to include you. Now though, everyone seemed intent on treating you as if you were some doll, one to be sat on a shelf and never touched. Everyone was suddenly afraid of hurting you, and you were no longer one of the crew. You were something else, above the others now that your relationship with the god of negativity had gotten out. Pyre had even stated that if Nightmare was their king, then that made you their ‘queen’ in a sense. Suddenly, you were set to be a ruler over the dark god’s future empire, and everyone’s views of you shifted because of it.

One choice, one that seemed so infallible before, had turned your whole life upside down. You expected to be injured in place of Nightmare, but not blinded. And while trying to deal with such a severe change of lifestyle, you were now being placed on a pedestal and nobody would treat you the same. Part of you wanted to take your frustrations out on the nearby wall, but that would likely only bring someone running to tend to your hand as if it were broken. No, you needed to go to the source of the problem.

While navigating the halls by yourself was more difficult than you could’ve ever guessed, it was made easier by your forethought to create a mental map through touch whenever you were being escorted about. The subtle change in the sound of your footfall let you know when you’d left the solid foundation of the hall your bedroom was on in favour of the landing for the grand staircase. Following the railing with your hand, you found where the hallway changed directions. To go downstairs would take you to the common room and the kitchens, while upstairs led to the library and Nightmare’s office. With your goal upstairs, you carefully shuffled along the steps, shoving your foot forward until it came in contact with the next. When your feet slid freely along the floor and the railing straightened out, you knew that you’d made it to the third floor where you’d find your partner.

After a bit of difficulty gathering your bearings and navigating the third floor of the castle, you came to Nightmare’s office. The door was open only a crack, enough to give others the hint to leave him be while allowing him to hear if any chaos should erupt from the lower levels. Ever so slowly, you pushed the door open, only to cringe as a painfully loud squeak of the hinges alerted your boyfriend to your presence. “MC? What are you doing up here? Whoever brought you here should know that I didn’t wish to be disturbed.”

“Oh, nobody brought me here, I came up here myself. Wasn’t that hard,” you shrugged, lying a bit at the ease of which you got here but determined to make the dark god see that you weren’t helpless. “We need to talk.”

A sigh emanated from Nightmare’s direction, and you could imagine how he was pinching the bridge of his nose as he often did when annoyed or frustrated with something. “First off, I thought I made it clear that you are to have someone escort you around the castle to minimize accidents. And secondly, can whatever conversation you want wait? I have plenty of-”

“No actually, it can’t,” you cut him off, mustering your confidence as you stepped fully into the room and closed the door behind you. “I need to talk to you now, not later.”

Being unable to read his body language was frustrating, leaving everything to your imagination with no way to know if you were interpreting things correctly. You knew that he didn’t like taking orders from anyone, not even you, leaving you to wonder if the silence was due to your demanding tone. Perhaps you should’ve worded things better, but before you could worry too much, Nightmare responded to your demanding request. “Very well, for you little moon, I will make time. Please, take a seat and share what’s on your mind.”

It took every ounce of focus you had to find one of the plush chairs on the other side of his desk, sinking down into it once you found it and being thankful that you didn’t have to fumble around too much. It wouldn’t do your argument for more independence any good if your actions showed a need for more support. “Alright…” You’d thought long and hard about how to get your point across to someone as stubborn as your partner, but now that you were here, it was almost a struggle to get your thoughts out cohesively. “I… I’m tired of everyone treating me differently ever since the incident, including you.”

“My dear, I’ve done nothing of the sort.”

“Yes you have!” Forcing a breath through your nose, your efforts to calm your temper are marginally successful as your unintentional fists relax and grip the arms of the chair. “Everyone is treating me like I’m suddenly delicate, like I’m unable to take a punch or take care of myself. True, it’s been hard to adjust to being blind, but I’ll never get better at accepting things if you all keep coddling me!”

“No one is coddling you!” Nightmare growled in return, his voice growing more agitated as he tried to argue against you. “The others are simply doing their part to ensure that you can rest and heal in comfort!”

A growl built up in your throat as well as your partner continued to deny your claims, your fingers digging into the chair to keep them in place. “That comment brings up another thing. Ever since our relationship got out, everyone’s been treating me as if they’re serving me, like I’m something special that needs to be protected.”

“That’s because you are, little moon. You are my chosen partner, and you knew from the beginning that the title would carry some weight. I am a god my dear, and the ruler of any mortal within this castle. But you’re no longer some random mortal. Now you stand beside me, equal to me in power and authority. They have merely been instructed to show you the same respect and care that they show me.”

To hear it spelled out like that, like it should’ve been obvious to you from the beginning, left a lump in your throat. Was this always what would happen to you? Were you doomed to be lonely up at the top with nobody but the god of negativity himself to be your supposed equal? “I… I-I don’t want that…” Your words came out mumbled, eyes burning as your damaged tear ducts tried and failed to produce any tears. When prompted to speak up, you were practically screaming. “I don’t want that! I don’t want to be so… so alone! You might be fine with being above them, but for the longest time, they treated me as a friend! Now, it’s as if our friendships meant nothing, whenever I reach out all I get is coldness. I want to be able to joke and play around with Killer, I want Butcher to call me names and tease me! I want Pyre to rattle on about how great he is, or to spend time reading with Dust! I want to be able to go up to Cross, hug the stupid fluffy marshmallow, and not have him feel like a freaking statue!”

Your yelling left you short of breath, your chest heaving as you calmed down from your emotional tirade. For a while, your heavy breathing was the only sound echoing in the room, shoulders eventually shuddering as tearless sobs broke from your throat. Your own arms wrapped around yourself, as if trying to keep yourself from truly falling apart. What you weren’t quite expecting though was for a pair of cool, slimy arms to join them as Nightmare hugged you as well, the god having moved around the desk while you were distracted with your own emotional turmoil.

“I’m sorry little moon,” he started, one hand gently petting your hair while a tentacle took to stroking up and down your back in a soothing manner. “I grew so used to my underlings being just that, and I never considered what your views on the matter would be. Let me make this clear though, they treat you special because you are special. No other entity in the entirety of the multiverse has made me feel an emotion as positive as love since my childhood five hundred years ago. While many of the worlds out there fear me, and even those that serve me do well to avoid angering me, you had no such hesitation my dear. As we grew closer, you grew bolder. You would speak your mind freely, even if to criticize my actions or leadership. While it was downright infuriating at first, I grew to respect your courage and tenacity, but also the fact that you accepted me for who I am and not what I once was several lifetimes ago.”

As he spoke in such a calm and soothing voice, you felt your breathing settle as you snuggled into his chest. After he paused for a bit, Nightmare’s tentacles quickly scooped you up into the air, allowing him to settle in your chair and place you on his lap. The comforting gestures continued, serving to keep you calm without the use of his abilities. “You are special MC, never forget that. But also remember that you are my partner, and I will see you treated with the same respect as I receive, nothing less.”

You couldn’t help but tense at his words, about to go off again about how that flew in the face of your wishes. But before you could reiterate the entirety of your emotional rant from before, he shushed you with a gentle finger against your lips, and you could practically hear him smiling through his voice. “Your voice is as powerful in this castle as my own, and if things are not to your liking, then let your voice be heard. They are so used to hearing my voice that those idiots assume your voice will speak the same requests… even I made that poor assumption, and for that I am sorry. If you wish for them to treat you as they always have, then you need only tell them and I can promise you that you will receive what you ask for.”

“You… you mean it?” It seemed too good to be true, but Nightmare was often true to his word with you and the other residents of the castle. Still, it felt like it was too easy to simply ask for them to treat you as if you weren’t any different.

“Little moon, I swear it upon my name that you will be treated as you wish to be in this castle.” The dark god nuzzled you a bit as he made his promise, pulling a soft giggle from you despite the dry feeling in the back of your throat. It wasn’t often that you shouted so much, and you were definitely glad that you closed the door on your way in.

Deciding to push your luck a bit, another request found its way onto your tongue. “Then… if I asked you to stop forcing me to have an escort everywhere, would you respect my wishes?”

“MC, you know that I am just doing that to protect you-”

“Night, we’re in your domain, aren’t we? You know everyone who enters and leaves, making this castle literally the safest place for me. I’m getting better at navigating without my eyes, and I really think that I’d be fine!” When he still didn’t sound convinced, muttering about potential accidents that could happen, you merely threw more options at him. “Look, I’m far from the first blind human. If you’re that worried about me bumping into something or falling down the stairs, then get me a… blind person stick? Cane? Or a seeing-eye dog! One that Butcher would definitely not eat!”

“Is… this your way of asking for a dog?”

“Not my intention, but I certainly wouldn’t complain if you did actually get me one that can help me.” Reaching up, you cupped his cheek with your hand, thumb rubbing just under his good eye. “I’ll never have the same freedom as I did Night, but I know that I can learn to live with the consequences of my actions. And don’t you dare blame yourself for what I decided was a good idea in the spur of the moment.” Even now knowing the consequences of your choice, you’d still make the same call a hundred times over again, enduring the pain each time, if it meant that you didn’t have to see the one you loved suffer.

The god of negativity must have felt your conviction, because he didn’t try to talk you out of it or turn the blame around to be on himself. Instead, he merely sighed as one hand came to hold the one on his face, pulling it away to place a skeletal ‘kiss’ against your palm. “Very well, it seems that you’ve convinced me. I seem to have chosen quite the precocious human as my mate, you seem to be naturally born for commanding and convincing others. From now on, you are free to roam the castle by yourself, on two conditions. The first is that we give you a means of contacting me directly, should you find yourself lost or injured alone. The second is that you will still accept an escort for any trips outside of the castle, no matter your past familiarity with whatever world. Do we have a deal?”

Honestly, Nightmare’s requests were completely fair and reasonable. While you did have your phone, it was still extremely difficult to navigate it, and you likely wouldn’t be able to use it reliably in an emergency. If your boyfriend had an alternative method, then it would be good to have the freedom to go wherever, but with the safety net of knowing that someone will come if you need them to. And as embarrassing as an escort might be outside of the castle, it was still smart. It took you quite a bit of time and practice to navigate the castle on your own, despite your past familiarity with it, and a new space would require such with the aid of someone who could see. There was also the fact that, now that your relationship was public, it was only a matter of time before one of the idiots that you called your friends would let word get out. Then, you’d have a target on your back, a weak spot to be used against Nightmare. It was honestly for the best if you didn’t leave the castle alone anymore, not with several capable fighters that could protect you. “Those requests both seem quite reasonable to me, so I accept.”

“Good, I am glad that you can see I only want what is best for you, my dear. Keeping you safe is just as important to me as my goals.” After a moment more of cuddles, he eventually set you back into your chair alone, his footfalls indicating that he was going back to his own behind his desk. “I’ll see to the creation of a totem of sorts, one made of my own magic. It will allow you to contact me and call me to your side, no matter where you are. Between this, and my assurance that you will be treated as you wish to be, have I dealt with the issue you came to speak to me about?”

“Mhm, I honestly feel a lot better too, so thanks. I can’t see it, but I’m sure you’ve got plenty of work to get done. I’ll leave you be so that you can get it finished.” When he didn’t try to stop you, you got up from your seat and wandered back towards the door. Just as you opened it though to step back outside, you turned back and sent him a wide smile. “Thank you for being so understanding and accepting Night, I really appreciate it.”

“I can tell,” he chuckled as the sound of pen scribbling on paper echoed through the otherwise quiet room. “You go enjoy yourself my dear, I shall speak with you again at dinner.” With his dismissal, you left the door in the same barely open position that you originally found it in before heading back to the stairs. It was about time for you to do what Nightmare told you to do and make your voice be heard. Then maybe your friends would go back to how they used to be and stop treating you differently.

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Alright, so if you didn’t read my post earlier this week about getting you readers involved, you can read it here because I’m not repeating myself. (aka I’m lazy XD)

And since nobody commented on that post, it made it pretty clear to me that relying on Tumblr comments isn’t a good idea and that I should go with a poll website. So... here ya go!

https://strawpoll.com/634w9bq42

In the next part, Nightmare will be away running important errands, so MC will have to find some way to entertain themselves! Where they go is up to you, as are the result benefits from your choices. I’ll be looking forward to seeing what you all choose!

First | < Prev | Part 4 (Here) | Next >

[troquantary]

Edward Cullen: That Boy Ain’t Right

So I was doing a reread of @therealvinelle 's collection of Twilight metas, as one does, and in "Edward, Denial, and a Human Girlfriend" she mentions that she doesn't believe Edward is sane. I thought, "ha, yeah, he's definitely not," and also, "but wait, what does that mean exactly, please say more about that." But since she's already inundated with asks, I've decided to use my own head-muscle and explore this idea. (TL;DR: I start out more or less organized, synthesize some points Vinelle has made across several posts (and have hopefully linked to them all where relevant but please tell me if not), touch a little on narcissism, then take a hard left into the negative effects of being a telepath.)

Just a couple things to note at the outset, though. Theses have been written already (probably) about Edward as an abuser. Edward being insane doesn't negate that at all; he's definitely an asshole and just...a disaster of a human being. (I find it more funny than anything, but YMMV.) I'm also going to try to avoid talking specifically about mental illness and how it relates (or doesn't relate) to abusive behavior -- that's territory I'm not really equipped to discuss, like at all. My starting point is "Edward has a deeply warped perception of reality," not "Edward has X disorder."

So: deeply warped perception of reality. The evidence? Goes behind a cut, because my one character trait is Verbose.

Vinelle provides a great example of it in the post linked above, which I'll just quote because she does words good: "[Edward] keeps acting like his romance with Bella is a romantic tragedy, and all the cast of Twilight are actors on a stage making it as sublime as possible." Edward's the one to pursue Bella, but he does so with the full belief, from the very beginning, that it will never last; Bella will "outgrow" him, go on her human way, and he can spend the rest of eternity brooding magnificently over his too-short romantic bliss. [Insert premature ejaculation joke.] Turning her is never an option, even though Alice, Noted Psychic, says that romancing Bella will either end with her dead (exsanguinated) or dead (vampire).

This framing, where he's a dark anti-hero in love with -- but never tainting! -- the pure maiden and eventually leaving her in a grand, tragic sacrifice to preserve her soul? It's fucking bonkers. Bella isn't a person to him in this scenario. As Vinelle points out, Bella's never really a person to him at all; he falls in love with his own mental construct, cherry-picking from what he observes of her behavior and her responses to his 20 (thousand) Questions to convince himself that she is the ideal woman.

Bella's not the only one who gets the projection/cardboard-cutout treatment. Edward sees everything and everyone through a highly particular, personalized lens. He filters his entire reality, which we all do to an extent, but the thing with Edward is that he starts with his conclusions and then only pays attention to the evidence that supports those conclusions. Often that evidence consists of what he admits in New Moon are only "surface" thoughts -- but recognizing that limitation doesn't keep him from taking those thoughts as representative of what people are. Edward then becomes absolutely convinced by his own "reasoning" and won't be swayed from what he has decided is Objectively True. It's obvious with Bella; it's also painfully obvious with Rosalie. (Vinelle explains this and brings up Edward's raging Madonna/Whore complex in the same post, so refer to that again -- she's right.)

He also catastrophizes. Everything. Bella's just vibing in her room, rereading Wuthering Heights for the 87th time? She's gonna be hit by a meteor, better sneak into her room while she sleeps. Bella's going to the beach with the filthy mundanes their human classmates? She's gonna fall in the ocean. Jasper's cannibal pals are stopping by for a visit, but know not to hunt in the area? DISASTER, DEFCON 1, ALSO FUCK YOU JASPER FOR EVEN EXISTING IN MY AND BELLA'S SPHERE YOU UNSPEAKABLE BURDEN. Edward must believe that Bella is vulnerable and in near-constant peril, to support the reality he has created in which he is the villain turned protector and maybe?? hero??? (!!!) for his beloved. So when the actual, James-shaped danger arrives, he goes berserk, snarling and flipping his shit and generally not helping the situation. His fantasy demands that Bella remain human, so instead of doing the very thing Alice, Noted Psychic, assures him will neutralize the threat (and not just a threat to Bella, either, but to Bella's family and any other human James might decide to include in the "game"), he vetoes it immediately, no discussion. Bella Must Not Turn, and he sticks to those guns despite James nearly reducing her to ground beef, despite leaving Bella catatonic with depression (but human! success!) in New Moon, despite Aro's order and his family's vote and, let's not forget, Bella's clearly and repeatedly stated desire to be a vampire. It's going to happen. But he doesn't accept it until Renesmee busts out of Bella like the Kool-Aid man and the poor girl's heart finally, unequivocally stops.

Sane people don't behave this way. I don't want to slap labels on Edward, but I can't help but note that he comes across as highly narcissistic. He's the only real person in his universe, the lone player among us NPCs. That probably has a lot to do with him being frozen in the mindset and maturity of a seventeen-year-old boy, but I think it's also just...him, on some fundamental level. His failure to connect with others and recognize them as full, independent beings with their own wants and priorities isn't like Bella's failure -- she's badly depressed. Edward is...something else, and I get the sense that his sanity has been steadily deteriorating over time. And a cursory google of narcissistic traits turns up some familiar-looking stuff. He's self-loathing, yes, but also grandiose; he hates himself for the monster he is (and hates most vampires besides Esme and Carlisle for their monstrosity, too) but still feels superior to humans, to the extent that he felt entitled to human blood and resented Carlisle for depriving him of his "proper" diet. He eventually returns to Carlisle, but he's far from content -- the beginning of Midnight Sun finds him in a state of ennui, bored and dismissive of (if not outright disgusted by) everyone around him, that has apparently persisted for years and years. He doesn't play the piano, he doesn't compose, he doesn't enjoy anything...at least until Bella comes along and then he becomes obsessed to a disturbing degree with her and his new, romantic tragedy spin on reality.

[Next-day edit: I’m not sure where else to fit this in, but the way Edward casually contemplates violence against people who have, at best, mildly annoyed him is...chilling. I have a hard time writing off his strategizing how to murder the entire Biology class as a result of bloodlust -- it’s so calculated, nothing like the blackout state of thirst Emmett describes when he encountered his own “singer,” and that is probably the default for when a vampire is extremely thirsty. But even ignoring the Biology class incident, Edward still does things like consider, with disturbing frequency, how he might grievously injure or kill Mike Newton, all because...Edward considers him his romantic rival (despite Bella barely giving the kid the time of day). He thinks about slapping Mike through a wall, which might be an amusing slapstick image, except as a vampire Edward’s actually capable of turning this boy’s skeleton to a fine powder. So it’s, y’know, kind of sick when you think about it.

But even worse than that, when Bella tells Edward about how she flirted with Jacob to get at that sweet, sweet vampire lore, Edward chuckles and then, after dropping Bella home, flippantly observes that now that the treaty’s broken, why not genocide? I’m not even kidding, it’s right there in Midnight Sun; he seriously thinks about the fact that he’d be technically justified now in wiping out the entire tribe because a teenager tried to impress a girl with a spooky story. That is fucked. Remember, Edward was there with Carlisle when the treaty was first established. He knows how remarkable it is that they even came to a truce in the first place, that it was only ever possible because Carlisle is...well, Carlisle, and that it marks a pretty significant moment in supernatural history. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t respect it, or he’d never think something like “Ha ha, if I went and killed them all, I wouldn’t even be wrong. I mean, I won’t do it, but I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be wrong.”

Again: not the thought process or behavior of a sane person. (Or a person that respects life in general -- sorry Carlisle, big L.)]

Finally, whether he's a narcissist or not, I think the fact that Edward has constant, unavoidable access to everyone's thoughts is a powerful contributing factor to his instability. He can tune out the mental noise to an extent, but he can't stop it -- so he comes to rely on it like another sense. This causes issues with disconnect and lack of empathy, of course, but there's another facet to this shit diamond: he's basically experiencing a ceaseless flow of intrusive thoughts. His narration in Midnight Sun suggests that he "hears" the words people think, can "see" what they visualize in their mind's eye, and can sense the emotional "tone" and intensity of their thoughts. Therefore, perceiving Jasper's thirst through his thoughts makes Edward more aware of his own, "doubling" the discomfort. This would be a lot to deal with even from just his immediate coven members, but Edward gets all of this pouring into his head like a firehose on a day-to-day basis because the Cullens live right alongside humans. I know Meyerpires have galaxy brains or whatever, but that's a ton to process.

Besides the compounding effect on his own thirst when he "feels" the thirst of others, Meyer never suggests that Edward has difficulty separating his own thoughts from other people's; even when he was newly turned, he recognized Carlisle's "voice" in his head as Carlisle's. That would create a whole different host of issues around identity, but it looks like Edward's escaped that particular torment. However, I can easily imagine that what he does experience is just shy of unbearable nonetheless, with an eroding effect on his sanity over decades. He can't sleep to escape it; he's on a dishwater diet and probably (like the rest of his family) experiencing a perpetual, low-grade physical discomfort due to his thirst never being fully satisfied; and he's around far more people than is the norm for vampires -- even discounting all the humans, his own coven is unusually large -- meaning more noise.

Honestly, it would be weirder if he were all there, considering.

And even though I feel like I lost a sense of structure around where I started ranting about telepathy, I've written like 1.5k words about Edward fucking Cullen and I think that's enough for one post.

[kitkatt0430]

Fuffy, Spangel, Dawn/Connor, and Angel/Riley for the ship bingo!

Fuffy:

I do enjoy Fuffy as a good fix-it fic because it's nice when Faith is able to not go down a bad path that leads to prison and gets a cute girlfriend too. But their canon relationship is so fascinating to me too, I've gotta admit.

I genuinely think that, canonically, Faith's in love with Buffy. But she's just so screwed up and let down by the adults in her life that Faith can't deal with it. She goes after guys that are infatuated with Buffy too - Angel, Xander, Riley, Spike, Robin - but she's not really happy unless she's the center of Buffy's attention. And when things go bad, well... if she can't have positive attention, she'll take the negative.

I... really do enjoy villains that are in that vein don't I? (Eobard Thawne, the Master from Doctor Who...)

That said, Faith is pretty devoted to Buffy, which we see both before and after her little jaunt on the dark side.

On Buffy's part, her actions towards Faith really do read as someone with a crush, pre-accidental manslaughter incident. Her feelings were probably too different from what she was used to for her to recognize the crush for what it was. But especially knowing that Buffy has at least one lady lover in the comics (that I've heard of anyway?) it makes a lot of sense to me that she had a crush on Faith. Faith was good at keeping up this veneer of being everything Buffy wished she could be - free of expectations and comfortable with being the Slayer.

So while their canon relationship is... a mess, I do think there was a window of opportunity where, had things gone a bit differently, they could have been girlfriends.

Spangel:

They've definitely had sex during their fanged four days. They're exes. They're divorced (yet still married). They love each other. They want to murder one another in convoluted loony tunes style plots.

They're Spangel. And they bring out the best and the worst in each other. If I were in more of a mood for vampires, I'd probably feel the need to go through their ship tag but I'm currently too focused on other fandoms.

I think one of my favorite ship fics for these two had Angel saving Spike's life and it caused him this moment of perfect happiness because the idea of perfect happiness was tied to what the caster of the curse believed it to be, deep down. And since the last time Angel had his soul shoved back into his body it was a Willow who'd lost Tara... very poignant but also now they've got Angelus around and his idea of love was... um...

Okay, so maybe I do need to dig that one up and re-read it now. :D

Dawn/Conner:

Since they never met in canon, I don't really have a lot to say about them. I do think they'd have an interesting dynamic - they're both of weird origins and struggle with being not normal - and I've liked fics that included the ship. But they're very much ships that pass in the night.

Angel/Riley:

Canonically these two very much bring out the worst in each other. Angel got his hackles up over Riley being the first guy Buffy was serious about after him. And Riley straight up accuses Buffy of cheating on him with Angel - admittedly likely out of guilt that he'd unwittingly had sex with Faith in Buffy's body and was dealing with having basically suffered rape by deception, so I do cut him some slack even if the accusation was incredibly shitty of him.

While I think scenarios where the two of them become friends would be interesting, with Angel actually acting older and wiser for once and seeing in Riley someone who is suffering and pushing the people who love and support him away... I just don't see anything romantic between them and I don't think I'd ever really want to either.

[jj-babebank]

Room 107 // chapter II // JJ Maybank (smut)

The story picks up where season 2 leaves us.

TW: Contains mentions of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex and violence.

CHAPTER ONE can be found here.

Chapter 2 - La Realidad

The lobby was surprisingly big and it matched the interior of the diner to a T. Everything was rustic and cheesy-looking, mimicking what Americans imagined people in Spain’s houses to look like. The black and white tiles from the diner went on into the foyer, covered in plants. The ceiling was very high and you could see the roof from the middle of the lobby. Four sets of sofas and tables were spread around, but all of them were vacant, much like the ones in the diner.

Samara was leaning against one of the many columns supporting the arches on which the upper parts of the walls were resting, waiting for the group. JJ smiled at her but she didn’t smile back, only turned around and motioned for them to follow her up a wide set of stairs. “Seeing as we’re almost fully booked tonight, you’ll be staying on the first floor,” she said, stopping at the first floor’s landing where a hallway of doors revealed itself, “With me.” The sound of that excited JJ a little too much for his liking. “Fully booked?” John B mumbled under his breath, “Yeah right,” he scoffed. “Don’t jump to conclusions too quickly, friend of JJ,” Samara said, obviously having heard him regardless of the fact that she was a good few feet ahead of them, “There is more than meets the eye down here in La Guardiana.” She stopped in front of a door, placing a key inside the keyhole, “Room 103,” she said, opening the door to reveal a scarcely furnished small room with hideous red wallpaper on the walls and a double bed situated between two Spanish windows, “Obviously only two can sleep here, so who’s it gonna be?” Sarah volunteered first, “Me and John B can have it,” she said, quickly adding, “If that’s okay with you, of course…” “Alright,” Samara said, turning the lights on in what JJ guessed was the bathroom, “This is your bathroom, there’s shampoo and soap in there, I’m guessing you’ll need it, enjoy.” She said, leading the others out of the room and down to the next one, 105. She unlocked the door, revealing an almost identical room to the previous one with the only difference being in the wallpaper colour - it was blue. Kiara and Cleo agreed to share this room, which left JJ with Pope. “And room 107,” said Samara, unlocking the second to last door down the hallway, “It’s right next to mine, how lucky,” she said sarcastically, handing Pope the keys. He ran into the room, laying on the bed with a look of pure bliss on his face. JJ turned to Samara, “Hey, uh, thank you so much again, I-“ “Meet me in the lobby at midnight.” She interrupted him, turning on her heel to walk away, “Don’t be late.” JJ’s pants suddenly felt awfully tight with excitement as he nodded, “Okay!” He said enthusiastically, “But… What time is it now?”

~~~~~~

The good thing about 100 degree temperature was that everything dried quickly. Whether it was hair or clothes or underwear - it dried up in no time. This was exactly why after taking what felt like the best showers of their lives, JJ and Pope washed their clothes and let them air dry on the window sills. Both boys were currently laying in bed in their towels, staring at the ceiling with only the sound of the big wall clock ticking away in the background. “She wants to meet up, you know?” JJ suddenly broke the silence. Pope snickered next to him, “You know what, JJ? I’ve gotta give it to you, man. Even smelly and dirty, you still manage to get the girl. How do you even do it?” JJ smiled proudly, “What can I say? I guess I’m just irresistible.” Pope laughed at his friend’s words. “So what time are you going to her room?” He asked. “Oh, she wants to meet me in the lobby. Probably wants to have a couple of drinks to, uh, you know, break the ice. Little does she know that JJ Maybank is more than just a pretty face and a man of few words,” JJ said cockily, “Come here, baby, I can recite you the whole dictionary” he wiggled his eyebrows. Pope was laughing hysterically at his friend’s cockiness, “What would we ever do without you, man?” “I’ll tell you one thing you wouldn’t have done without me,” he said, sitting up at gesturing towards their surroundings, “Sleep in a bed, at a hotel, for free,” Pope nodded, “Dude, I still can’t believe this is happening, this girl’s practically saving our asses,” “Yeah and you just wait ’til I get a hold of hers,” JJ wiggled his eyebrows once again. Pope scoffed, “What time are you meeting?” “Midnight,” JJ responded, looking at the clock. It was currently 8pm. The sun was still out and oddly enough, the street was beginning to sound a bit more lively. JJ and Pope peaked through one of the windows to have a look at what was happening outside. Sure enough, as the sun began to set, the streets of La Guardiana began to fill up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One positive about being a castaway - ending up in a cool new spot where a hot girl was practically giving herself to JJ.

One negative thing about being a castaway - having nothing to wear to impress said hot girl.

JJ was known to be an attractive guy and he knew it. Pulling girls never posed an issue for him back in the Outer Banks, yet here he was, standing in front of the long rectangular mirror in the hallway of his and Pope’s shared room, sighing at his reflection. He tried combing his sandy blonde hair back with his fingers, failing miserably as the soft strands just wouldn’t cooperate and stay in one spot. He looked down at his clothes, the same set of clothes he’d been wearing since that day, and rolled his eyes, throwing his head back in annoyance. “At least they’re clean…” he sighed to himself, tugging at his top. Pope was sitting on their bed, smirking at JJ’s reflection through the mirror, “Is it just me or do I sense nervousness?” JJ turned around to face him, his face expression both sad and annoyed, “This is all I’ve got, it’s not like I can do anything about it.” Pope shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, look at it this way - if she offered to help all of us after having a five minute conversation with you, then she must like you a lot.” Pope’s words made JJ’s lips curl into a small smile. Maybe he was right, why else would Samara willingly offer to house not only him, but his friends too, in her family’s hotel, for free? She must have liked him, right? Right?

The blonde boy sighed as he turned to look at the clock. In 10 minutes he would have to make his way downstairs to the pretty lady who asked him to meet her there, and to say he was excited would be an understatement. He took a seat next to Pope on the bed, keeping him company in watching some baseball game currently playing on their little TV, engulfing the room in light. JJ was tapping his foot on the ground nervously, checking the clock every few seconds, not focusing on the TV programme at all. Time seemed to be passing dreadfully slow all of a sudden. The street in front of their window was now full of people chattering and laughing, there was music playing from several different spots, one melody overlapping with the rest and smells of all kinds were filling the boys’ room, the one of marijuana particularly tickling JJ’s fancy as all he could think about was how much just one, not more, drag would help him ease his nerves before his much anticipated date. Was it even a date? He was so nervous at this point that he decided to just head downstairs without wasting any more time.

The short walk down to the lobby was filling JJ’s already nervous brain with even more nerves. What was he even nervous about? He was never like this around girls. Although, he had to admit he hadn’t really flirted with anyone in a while now, even before the day of the incident. He was so engulfed in mourning his best friend and Sarah, whom he believed to be dead, that he had completely neglected his own needs and fantasies, sex being the one he had pushed to the side the most. The past few months were hard for JJ, what with everything going on in his life - from John B to his dad, to the gold, and now the cross; almost being tossed in jail on more than one occasion, getting into numerous fights, hiding on numerous occasion and not to mention all that running that him and his friends somehow always had to partake in, being chased by anyone and everyone wherever they went. JJ had been so busy doing all of this, he had forgotten how to be a teenaged boy, how to fix his hair, how to talk to girls - hell, he was sure that if Samara took him up to her room, he’d have to have at least three of those whiskeys he drank earlier, just to know where to touch her - that’s how much he had neglected his sex life.

Making his way down to the lobby, he saw her. She was sitting on one of the couches, not yet aware of his presence there, a glass of wine resting in her delicate hands and another one sitting on the table in front of her, presumably for JJ. Her silky chocolate hair cascaded down her tanned shoulders, covering her voluptuous breasts, making JJ gulp. She was wearing an off white dress that seemed to hug her in all the right places and the contrast between her dark hair, bronze tan and the light coloured material made her appear even more alluring to the young boy, if that was even possible. Samara was truly a sight to behold and JJ couldn’t believe his luck quite yet. Somehow all of this seemed too good to be true. People never usually just gave stuff away, it wasn’t in their nature. Being from the cut, JJ was used to only receiving things that he was expected to work for. Good things never came cheap, and the girl sitting before him who had put a roof over his and his friends’ heads for the foreseeable few days, definitely didn’t look like the type who just gave things away. JJ was simply hoping that the wine she had prepared for him would be enough to soothe his nerves before what he imagined would be a night of hot, raunchy sex. He wanted to rip her clothes off and make her whimper beneath him and he was so set on that, that he had turned it into the only logical thing that she could ask for in return for the massive favour she was doing for him. It only made sense, right? She knew he had nothing - what else could he possibly offer her?

“Hello, JJ,” Samara spoke when she finally saw the boy approaching her. He sat down on the sofa next to her and picked up the glass of wine that was waiting for him on the table. “I heard about a certain gold you have,” she simply said, her plump lips twisting into a smirk and her black eyes boring into JJ’s blue ones, “How about I help you get it back and in turn,” she reached for his knee, “- you share some of it with me.”

Uh-oh.

[nerdzzone]

Only For A Moment: December

Summary: A series of shorter one shots from Chris and Whitney’s life together throughout the pandemic. Some happy times, some harder times, some fluff and some things a little more sexy - they work through it all as they try to get settled in their new and blossoming relationship.

Chris Evans x OFC

18+

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Only For A Moment: November [part two]

Note: This is the last part of this section of the series! Thank you to everyone who has read, liked, reblogged and commented so far, I really appreciate your support and love reading all your thoughts! There will be more, focusing on their lives as the world starts opening up again, but I’m not sure when it will be posted.

-----

December 2020

December was a somewhat bittersweet month.

There were quite a few positives as Christmas always brought plenty of joy - and it brought Scott back from L.A. which was a nice treat for everyone - and there was also the big announcement of an approved vaccine. The roll out wouldn't be immediate, of course, but there was hope on the horizon and a clear sense of relief.

However, there were some negatives as well. I still had my concerns about how well we'd adapt our relationship to the realities of real life and, as excited as I was about Christmas, the holiday season was making me miss my family more than ever.

Chris' family was a great substitute - especially as the case numbers were low enough that we were allowed to have small family gatherings which meant they could all to stay over at our house on Christmas Eve as they had the year before - but I hadn't seen any of my own family in over a year and I missed them terribly. It made me so sad to think of how much Grayson had grown since they last saw him and knowing that I had a little nephew that I'd never even met was starting to break my heart.

In an attempt to ease the ache caused by the distance, we had a video call on Christmas Eve since my family were all together too and I was relieved that our friendly, confident three year old had no problem making conversation with the grandparents and uncle that he could barely remember. It was heart-warming and refreshing to have that time with them even through a screen, but it wasn’t the same and it left me wanting more. I wanted to see them, to hug them, to help my mom make Christmas dinner and beat my brother at the card games we always used to play. I wanted to be less than three thousand miles away and it was starting to weigh on me.

I held it together pretty well, not wanting to put a damper on the happy festivities we were having, but later that evening, when I was alone with my thoughts as I finished tidying up the dishes from dinner, it was suddenly overwhelming. I leaned on the counter as my chin dropped to my chest and the tears finally came. I wasn’t going to let myself have more than a few minutes to wallow in my sadness, but almost as soon as the tears started, a voice from behind me interrupted.

"Whitney?" Lisa quietly announced her presence. "Are you okay?"

I sniffled and quickly wiped my eyes before turning around to see her standing in the doorway with Scott, concern on both of their faces.

"I'm fine," I smiled weakly, but Scott wasn't going to let it go that easy.

"What's wrong?" He asked. "Why are you crying?"

"I just miss my family. It's hard not getting to see them at Christmas," I admitted. "I know I didn't get to see them last year either, but it's been so long now since I've seen them at all. I guess that's just made it harder."

"Oh, honey, that's understandable," Lisa assured me. "I can't imagine how I'd feel if we hadn't been able to be together at all for as long as you've been away from your family."

"Usually I'm fine," I insisted. "I think just seeing them all together and not being there got to me a little bit."

"Well their loss is our gain," Scott informed me. "Because we're really happy to have you here. I know it's not the same, but you're part of our family too."

"I know and I'm so grateful that I have all of you," I rushed to assure them, not wanting anyone to think I wasn't happy to be spending the holidays with them. "It's been so amazing how you've all taken me in and let me be a part of your family. I know things were complicated with Chris and I, but you've always been so good to me."

"You've been a part of this family from the moment we found out about Grayson," Lisa said firmly. "Whatever happened between you and Chris never mattered to us. We're glad you've sorted yourselves out now, but we've always thought of you as family."

Scott nodded in agreement and their kind words brought more tears to my eyes.

"That really means a lot," I choked out, blinking frantically to stop myself from crying anymore. It took a moment to compose myself, but eventually I let out a laugh and wiped my eyes again. "Sorry, I'll stop blubbering soon. I don't think I realized how much I missed them until now and once I get all weepy, it's hard for me to stop."

Lisa crossed the kitchen quickly and pulled me into a hug.

"If you need to let it out, then you go right ahead."

I returned her hug and was about to inform her that it wasn't necessary when Chris - who had been upstairs putting Grayson to bed - appeared in the doorway and interrupted our little moment.

"What are we letting out? Why is Whitney crying?" he asked. "What did you two do to her?"

"We were just letting her know that none of us would judge her if she wants to dump your ass," Scott lied, a smirk on his face. "And now she's crying tears of joy."

"Scott!" Lisa scolded despite the laugh that fell from her lips as she let me slip out of her arms. "That's a horrible thing to say."

"It's not true," I assured Chris even though I was sure he'd figured that out. "I just had a little sad moment. I miss my family so your lovely family members were reassuring me that I'm part of yours."

"You absolutely are," he agreed, coming over and slipping his arm around my waist before pressing a kiss to the side of my head. "I'm sorry that you're sad, but do you remember what I told you last year?"

I'd spent a lot of time trying to block out the memory of last Christmas in the months after it happened and apparently I'd done a good enough job to not know what he was talking about.

"No," I shook my head. "What?"

"There's no time for worryin' at Christmas!" He reminded me. "Let's get you a drink and turn that frown around!"

"Alright, that sounds good," I laughed as I slid out of his grasp. "Lisa, can I get you another glass of wine?"

"Oh, yes, that's actually why we came in here," she smiled. "We were sent to get everyone another round."

"Perfect," Chris grinned as he opened the fridge and started pulling out supplies.

He poured drinks for everyone, but held me back as his brother and mother left the room with as many drinks as they could carry. He pulled me into his arms again before I could pick my drink up off the counter.

"Are you good?" He asked, rubbing his thumb on the exposed skin just above my jeans. "I'm sorry that you miss your family."

"I'm fine," I smiled up at him. "It was just hard seeing them all together tonight and not being there. I do miss them, but I'm okay. I'm happy to be here with you and your family."

"As soon as things get better, we can go and visit," he promised. "I think I'll have to head to L.A. in the near future anyway. Now there's a vaccine and things might start to improve, there's more talk of starting The Grey Man."

While the thought of a trip to L.A. was encouraging in theory, it made my stomach turn. Travelling while the pandemic was still around seemed very stressful - if Scott's journey home for the holidays was anything to go by - and the thought of Chris returning to work was something I wasn’t eager to think about. I knew he was trying to make me feel better though so I stretched up and placed a kiss on his lips.

"That would be nice," I smiled. "I'd like you to get to know my family a bit more."

"I'd like that too," he nodded. "As soon as we can, I promise."

As I slipped out of his grasp, I tried to focus on that hopeful promise and push any sad feelings from my mind.

-

The rest of that evening was pretty lowkey. We knew that the kids would be up at the crack of dawn as they were the year before and went to bed early in preparation for that. It was a decision that I was very grateful for at six thirty the next morning when Grayson woke us up by launching himself onto our bed.

“Merry Christmas!”

His little voice cut through the silence of the room, ruining any possibility that we might have been able to sleep a little longer.

“Merry Christmas, Gray,” I heard Chris answer as I rolled over. Just as I turned to face him, Chris dragged him down from where he was bouncing on the bed and pulled him against his chest. “Let’s go back to sleep. Okay, buddy?”

We all knew that wasn’t going to happen and Grayson proved it as he giggled and wiggled around, squealing loud enough to ensure that no one in the house could possibly still be asleep.

“Gray! Shhh,” I laughed, pulling him out of Chris’ arms and into my own. “Merry Christmas.”

I kissed the top of his head and he pulled back, grinning up at me.

“Santa came, Mama!”

“Did he?” I gasped. “That’s so exciting!”

“There’s so much presents!”

“Wow, I guess we should go see who they’re for!”

“Probably me,” Chris teased Gray. “I bet they’re all for me and maybe one for your mom.”

“And for me?”

The hope in Grayson’s voice had me interjecting before Chris could tease him any more.

“I’m sure there are some for you,” I assured him. “I bet there’s some for everyone.”

“Even Uncle Scott?”

That question earned a howl of laughter from Chris, but I nodded.

“Even Uncle Scott,” I smiled. “He’s been pretty good this year, hasn’t he?”

“No!” Grayson giggled. “He scared Daddy! And me!”

I laughed, thinking back to the incident he was referencing. Ever since Scott returned from L.A., he and Chris had created some kind of ‘scare war’ where they were competing to see who could scare the other in the best way. They posted the videos on Instagram and their fans loved it, but it had gotten a little out of hand. Scott caught Chris off guard when he came home from a walk with Dodger the day before and got an excellent reaction from him, but he didn’t realize that Grayson was with him too. The poor kid was terrified and cried for almost fifteen minutes afterwards. Scott had been incredibly apologetic and tried to make it up to him, but apparently Gray wasn’t feeling particularly forgiving.

“He did scare us and that wasn’t very nice,” Chris agreed. “He’s probably on the naughty list!”

“Yeah!” Grayson grinned at his dad. “Let’s go see!”

He scrambled off the bed almost as quickly as he’d climbed up in the first place. Once the sound of his heavy footsteps faded as he ran down the hall, Chris pulled me into his arms.

“Merry Christmas, Win.”

“Merry Christmas,” I smiled up at him. “Crazy to think that we woke up like this a year ago too.”

“Almost exactly like this,” Chris smirked. “Until you snuck out of bed as if I wouldn’t know we’d been cuddling all night.”

My jaw dropped slightly.

“You knew?”

“Of course, I knew!” Chris chuckled. “I’d been awake for almost half an hour before you woke up, but it felt so nice cuddlin’ you that I didn’t wanna move.”

“That’s so embarrassing,” I laughed, burying my head in his chest as he assured me that it wasn’t. “But it’s so strange to think that if there hadn’t been that snow storm and I hadn’t stayed over that night, maybe we wouldn’t even be here now.”

“Do you really think that?”

“It’s hard to say,” I admitted. “I think we would have ended up quarantining together, but if we hadn’t had that slip up at Christmas, we wouldn’t have had the same incentive to talk about things during lockdown.”

“But that slip up showed that the feelings were there,” Chris pointed out. “So, maybe it would have happened while we were locked in this big ol’ house anyway.”

“I like to think so,” I smiled. “Either way, I’m happy it did.”

“Me too,” Chris placed a kiss on the top of my head as the sounds of excited children floated down the hall towards us. “I guess we should get up before they come looking for us.”

I reluctantly agreed and we dragged ourselves out of bed to join the festivities.

-

Christmas morning was much the same as the year before. The kids were overwhelmed with excitement at all the gifts, but very grateful and appreciative of everything they received. Chris bought me some new cameras that I’d mentioned wanting to buy before my work picked up again, but it was my gift to him that I was really excited about.

I watched as he opened the box that I’d carefully wrapped and pulled out the photo album that I’d put inside.

“Wow,” Chris murmured as he flipped through the pages with a soft smile on his face. “Are these all of me and Gray?”

“There’s some of Dodger too, but yeah, mostly it’s you and Gray,” I informed him. “I just thought, it’s been such a crazy year and there’s been a lot of stress, but there were some good moments too and I wanted you to have some memories of those.”

“This is amazing…”

He flipped through the pages that I’d filled - in order by month - of all the pictures that I’d taken since the start of the pandemic. There were some of him helping Grayson ride his bike, some of them reading together and doing puzzles, some of them playing in the pool, some of them raking leaves in the fall, carving pumpkins at Halloween, cooking dinner together, curled up on the couch watching movies and pretty much every other day to day activity that they did together through the lockdown. I was amazed by how many pictures I’d taken when I started compiling them, but I knew it was a gift that he would appreciate.

“That’s one of my favourites,” I giggled, pointing to a picture of bath time one night when Chris had fashioned them both beards made out of bubbles.

“I love them all,” he smiled, looking up at me with glassy eyes. “Thank you, Winnie. Thank you so much.”

I leaned in to place a soft kiss on his lips as Lisa moved to stand behind her son and sneak a peek at the album.

“That’s such a wonderful gift, Whitney,” she gushed. “Those pictures are beautiful.”

“Thank you. If you look through it later and pick out your favourites, I can make you some copies.”

“That would be great!” She grinned. “I would love that, if you don’t mind.”

I assured her that it would be no trouble and made notes of a few that I thought she might want as Chris and I spent the next half an hour flipping through the album and reminiscing on the happy moments we shared as a family during a very dark year. It was a rather odd feeling that such a bleak time had also been such a happy one for us. I was beyond grateful that our families had been relatively untouched by the virus plaguing the world and was more than happy to join Scott in his toast to all our continued good health when he brought out the mimosas as soon as all the presents were unwrapped.

-

The rest of the day was filled with plenty of love and appreciation of our little family and the opportunity to be together. As we had the year before, we called all the relatives who lived too far away to join us before spending most of the day playing games, drinking fancy Christmas cocktails and eating delicious food. We had learned something from the previous years celebrations though and didn’t let ourselves get quite as intoxicated as we had back then.

All in all it was a lovely day and my heart was feeling very full by the time we said our goodnights and headed to our room that evening. I was refreshed by the opportunity for such prolonged socialization and had a little extra pep in my step as I pranced off to the ensuite bathroom to brush my teeth.

However, when I came back out, I was surprised to find Chris sitting on the edge of our bed. He glanced up when I walked in, a soft smile on his face, but there was an air of nervousness around him that immediately put me on edge.

"You okay?"

My question was simply met with a nod as he beckoned me over. He grabbed my hand as soon as I was close enough and kept me standing in front of him.

"I have one more present for you," he informed me after a moment of quiet. "But I want to preface it with an explanation so you don't freak out."

I laughed nervously at that statement, wondering what kind of gift could possibly make me freak out. A car? A new house? A puppy? My mind was instantly running wild.

"Okay..."

"I know you're still nervous about things going back to normal and how we'll handle it - I can see it on your face every time it gets mentioned," he started, his words so far offering no explanation. "I've been trying to think of something that I can do to reassure you, something to prove just how committed I am to you because I am all in here, Winnie. From the moment I met you, I knew you were something special and it sounds a little cheesy and over the top, but you really are the love of my life. It took a little soul-searching and some brainstorming, but I eventually came up with something I think might help us both..."

He paused then and reached behind his back, pulling out a little box that made my heart start pounding in my chest.

"Oh my god," I gasped out as he slid from the bed to kneel on one knee in front of me.

He opened the box and looked up at me with hope written all over his face.

"Will you marry me, Winnie?" He asked, the question bringing tears to my eyes. I was biting my lip to hold myself together and didn't realize that I hadn't answered until he launched into some further reassurances. "We don't have to get married right away - we can wait as long as you want - but taking this step, making this extra promise and commitment, I thought it might give us both some comfort."

I was still stunned, completely blindsided by his proposal, but I took in his words and appreciated his reasoning as a grin slid onto my face.

"Yes, Chris! Yes, I will marry you."

Chris visibly relaxed at my acceptance and, with noticeably shaky hands, he took the ring from the box and slid it on my finger. As soon as it was safely in place, he sprung to his feet and pulled me into a breathtaking kiss.

"Holy shit," he let out a deep breath, moments later when we finally parted. "That was terrifying. I thought for sure you were going to turn me down and tell me that I'm insane."

"You kinda are," I smiled. "And everyone else is definitely going to think we've lost our minds."

"Well, we've never done things the traditional way and it just makes sense, doesn't it?" It was a question, but he didn't wait for an answer. "It hit me when we were talking in New York and you made a joke about me proposing, that it wasn't a bad idea, that it was something I wanted to do. I know we've technically been together for less than a year, but I haven't wanted anyone else since the day I met you so what's the point in waiting? I'm not gonna make decisions based on what everyone else thinks we should do - that would be crazy."

I smiled at his anxious rambling and stretched up to place another kiss on his lips.

"That would be crazy," I agreed. "And I don't care what they think. I don't want to be with anyone else either."

He matched my smile as he squeezed me even closer.

"And I mean it, we don't have to rush into anything or start planning a wedding right away," he assured me. "But I thought this extra step might make you feel better about things changing. I'm in this one hundred percent and I'll do whatever it takes to make this work for us."

I didn't need a ring to know that Chris loved me and wanted to make this work and being engaged wouldn't make any of the challenges that were ahead of us any less difficult to face. But there was something about how fearless he was in making such a commitment to me and something about the way he was so determined to reassure me of just how invested he was in our relationship that did put me at ease and fill me with confidence.

The fact that despite all the things we'd been through and all the things we still needed to work on - including my own insecurities - Chris was willing to marry me and make that lifelong commitment had my heart about ready to burst in my chest.

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes too," I assured him. "I love you so much, Chris."

"I love you too," he grinned. "And god, I'm so relieved you said yes."

"Of course I'd say yes," I insisted. "You know I love you."

"I do, but I also know you're worried," he reminded me. "And I didn't want you to think I was using a proposal as a band-aid or something. I know that it won't always be easy and we'll have to work hard."

"We will," I agreed. "But now, at least when you're away, I'll have this pretty ring to remember you by."

I pulled my arm back from around his waist to look down at my finger. I was grateful that it wasn't a massive, showy ring, but it was beautiful and seemed fairly unique.

"It's alexandrite," he informed me. "It's one of the birthstones for June which I thought was fitting for both of us. I was gonna use Gray's birthstone, but apparently April is diamond and I wanted something different. There's diamonds on either side of the big stone though so he's in there too."

"It's beautiful," I smiled as he grinned proudly.

"I didn't think you'd want something too over the top, but I wanted it to be something nice."

"Well, you nailed it," I assured him. "I couldn't have picked a nicer ring myself."

He captured my lips in another kiss and I leaned into it, trying to wrap my head around what had just happened.

"Have you told anyone?" I asked once he pulled away. "Does my family know?"

"I told them last night," he nodded. "I called them back after I tucked Grayson in to let them know. And my whole family knows because I was stressed about the whole thing and couldn't keep it to myself. Oh, and Hannah because she scares me and I thought she'd be mad if she didn't know."

I laughed, letting my head rest against his chest.

"She would have been mad," I agreed. "But I can't believe she scares you, she's like a little chihuahua. She's all bark, no bite."

"She cried on the phone when I told her," he admitted, earning another bubble of laughter from me. "She assured me they were tears of joy, but swore me to secrecy about it so let's keep that between us."

"Oh, no way!" I giggled. "That is too good not to tease her about."

"Well, it'll be your loss if she kills me."

"Again, all bark and no bite," I reminded him. "Did your family know you were going to ask me tonight?"

"Yeah," he nodded, looking a bit sheepish. "I think they're all waiting in the living room to see what you said.”

“Then let’s go share the good news,” I smiled, moving to link my arm with his. “Then we can come back in here and celebrate properly.”

I shot him a wink to emphasize what I meant and he let out a low growl of approval before dragging me out of our bedroom.

-

Of course, his family were thrilled that I’d said yes, even though it didn’t seem like any of them were particularly surprised. I called my family and Hannah as well before sharing a celebratory drink with my soon to be in-laws.

But it wasn’t until we laid, curled up in bed after our more private celebrations that it really started to hit me.

Sure, some people would think we were moving a bit too fast and they might have been right, if we had any intention of actually getting married right away. But for us, it was just another layer of reassurance. The ring on my finger was like a little security blanket, a memento of support for when things got hard and our schedules grew busier. It was a reminder that we were determined to make this work no matter what happened and it had me feeling much more hopeful about the new year ahead of us.

Things would change, there was no doubt about that, but we could get through it and come out stronger in the end. I knew it wouldn’t always be easy and there would be times when we felt like giving up, but with a little love and perseverance, I knew our relationship - and eventually our marriage - would only benefit and grow from our efforts.

-

Tags:  @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10 @partypoison00 @theladybiers @sidepieces @firoozehmoon @patzammit @sparkledfirecracker @mytbel0st @chvntelle-99 @mjey12

[3416]

The way you put your answer about the Carlos/Grace scene makes so much sense honestly. I absolutely loved the team up between them and the scenes we got. But I have to think stuff was cut or rewritten to fit Angela in because Carlos’ journey in the episode doesn’t actually make a ton of sense. We didn’t get to see his headspace in and around that loft scene. And we didn’t get much resolution at the end for him either. Grace got to talk it out with Judd, voice her feelings with Carlos, and then even get the last word in with the gamer. Not trying to be negative or critical! I really did love their scenes and enjoyed the episode! I just think it was a bit lacking for him, like you said. I’d say after watching it, that it was really more of a Grace episode than his. And again, not negative, we’ve got some big episodes for him coming up by the looks of it!!

yeah, same! i wasn't totally in love or fully engaged with how they did that whole thing, lol, even though i had fun watching the episode and seeing two of my fave characters interact. i think maybe also the idea itself was kind of weak for the way they presented it? like they kept saying how they used carlos and grace specifically as weapons but... any person on that call kinda was? and i know it's based on real life incidents, and i know they wrote it so carlos is the one to deal with the guy when he ends up dying (which still don't understand with a whole ass SWAT team there? would those people not be on the perimeter too im.. 😭 overanalyzing a network procedural vibes rn my bad) but the writing just didn't sell the personal investment angle for carlos for me. and bc i think about and love the character so much, i know that carlos is someone who wouldn't take that lightly at all. it would REALLY bother him and since it apparently IS the first time that's happened to him (someone dying bc of his actions) i'm confused why that didn't take over the focus of that entire storyline. now i'm thinking about in the live where the were playfully like "no i think it's about YOU and i'm the side support" ... and the way sierra was adamant that it was more carlos than grace..................... that's clearly where the disjointedness comes from bc i don't agree with her lol. i think it should have been, but the show didn’t treat it like that. unless there were cut scenes we didn't see, it wasn't even necessarily the grace show, but i do think she got to express her feelings on it more thoroughly and got more closure and she's not even the one that actually like. caused him to die. it lacked a lot of closure for carlos, who i KNOW would be affected by that and who they clearly hinted at was............ it was just never addressed again which was a little frustrating? and then to kinda.. cram that lack of resolution for the actual lone star characters in the end by having athena catch the guy?????? underwhelming. i doubt it's something they'll touch on for carlos again so.. gonna rely on fandom to fill in the gaps i guess fkldjs.

[sandayuswife]

Hello! First i want to say im so happy to found your acc since you're discussing the mentality state of the Kirigakure siblings, Sandayu and Hanzo too! 🤧

Sec, can i request you write a psychoanalysis on Genya? Hehe😊

I wish your studies more success!

@nich-u Thank you so much! <3 I'm glad that the content pleases you:) Since psychoanalyses base on mental health alone, I've decided to write a broader analysis this time. This is going to be VERY long, and so fun to write!

Fujibayashi Genya: Mental health & Personality Analysis

So, we'll start by taking a deep look into his childhood and mental health, and lastly analyze his personality using the five factor model and a few additional criteria. Let's begin :)

At the beginning of his route, Genya is introduced as a laid-back, lazy shinobi with inscrutable motives. Gradually, we figure more and more of his demeanor being a mask, which he uses both as a coping mechanism as well as means to keep his feelings and motivations behind a veil.

Later on, we find out that it was his love for Sakuya and death of their mother that has forced Genya to change drastically – which is where we will start our digging.

Childhood & Mental health

Judging from the small pieces of chapters in which we see the Fujibayashi twins and MC interact in the past, as well as Genya’s statements, it is clear that the twins were neglected, yet unlikely emotionally abused. Adding to the stability of their psyche in the earliest years was their close relationship, and thus ability to replace the emotional care they sought from their parents.

Coming to the first event that forces Genya to change - At a still very young age, he witnesses his mother's death during an attack on the village. Not only did she fall while protecting him, but also, those following were her last words:

Assuming that it was most likely Genya’s first time openly receiving emotional care from his mother, and that the chief did not seem to care about her death (simply disposed of the body, apparently), the causes of the event resulted in PSTD, which became chronic for the rest of his life (as it is a common occurrence with children).

A short time after that, we are shown that Genya proceeds to focus all of his care and attention on Sakuya: Trains with him, renounces his own needs to let his twin have more options, and even motivates MC to grow closer to Sakuya, although it was somewhere implied that he himself was 'drawn to her sunny smile'.

Being able to do so and direct positive energy at someone he loves has helped Genya to cope with the incident, although he could not tell a soul about his mother’s last words - The knowledge would hurt his twin, In Genya’s opinion. Having to speculate about such outcomes, think many steps ahead, keep his feelings behind a lock, and due to possible symptoms of PSTD, Genya has matured quickly; and it was more than visible in his behavior.

Next, we know that the Mitsuba have betrayed Fujibayashi village as the twins were approximately 10 years old. A while after that, they had to accomplish a special, long-term mission in order to become fully-pledged shinobi. Beside the fact that he himself has suffered from his own (disposing of bodies ‘as if they were worthless’), he noticed how much suffering Sakuya’s mission has caused his twin. He understood that his brother will only be able to cope with the trauma if he was to run from his feelings.

Being Sakuya’s ‘childhood hero’, as Sakuya himself has stated, Genya knew that if he were to express negative opinions and feelings toward the village, his twin would break his own resolve and agree with him. Thinking their fate unvoidable, Genya has made a choice to break their connection by being the opposite of what a shinobi should be, but still protect and support Sakuya from the shadows.

Personality

Now let’s take a look at Genya’s personality in general, since until now, we have been only focusing on his family.

I will be using the five factor model, which has a scoring system, to do so, although we have to keep in mind that his trauma and personal experiences play big roles in these traits:

1. Openness to experience

Low score. Genya prefers routine, and is wary of uncertainty and the unknown. I have mentioned at the beginning that Genya uses his laid-back lifestyle as a coping mechanism - Independence and space give him an opportunity to breathe. However, he generally does not run from his feelings and is well aware of who and what he cares about.

2. Conscientiousness

High score. He is aware of his actions and their consequences, and has a sense of responsibility, regardless of how much he claims not to do so. Genya exhibits goal-oriented behavior every time it truly matters (grumbling aside). His missions are organized and practically executed.

3. Extroversion

Mid score. Genya is an ambivert (neither an introvert nor extravert). He enjoys being alone, thinking and reflecting, just as much as he enjoys socializing and meeting new people.

4. Agreeableness

High score. Genya is co-operative, and willing to help others in times of need. He respects hardworking individuals, dislikes being involved in arguments, seeks internal and external state of peace. Levels of agreeableness tend to increase with age.

5. Neuroticism

Low score. Genya is able to remain calm in response to stressful situations, and view problems in proportion to their importance. As a result, he tends to worry about such problems to a lesser extent. Of course, this excludes extreme situations, like losing a loved one (in regard to his frustration in the route endings).

Since the model does not cover all that can be interpreted, let’s add a few more criteria:

6. Behavior

Genya tries to cover up many of his positive traits with a mask of a lazy, money-grubbing and disrespectful shinobi, as we all well know. Doing so leaves him more freedom, forces others to lower their expectations, and allows him to expectantly sidestep minor duties in case of an emergency. This, of, course, serves his goals and routines very well.

7. Morality

Genya has a deep understanding and a broad view of the world. He understands the role of each person, that every individual is shaped by the environment, and while he naturally opposes to being a shinobi, he does not proceed to immediately judge or dislike someone of his own kind, although doing otherwise would be a much easier task.

This could be explained by his world-view as well. He mentions that he is ‘like a bird in a cage’, and the same could most likely be said of all shinobi, in his opinion. Because he views the shadows as a place of grief, there is a chance he is less consumed by guilt for killing those who share his origins.

So, I've written a ton, and could write a ton more. There truly is so much more I could address, but I can always write a second part in case particular questions rise, so let me know:) Also, feel free to comment your opinion or something you would add!

Have a great day<3

-A

[angel-riki]

Dazed & Dreaming {Ch. 2}

summary: Y/N's life was always quite normal, some may even consider it boring. However, Y/N enjoyed her simple life and the little pleasures it brought. Unfortunately, that all changed the day she found out her best friend's biggest secret. Her discovery leads her down a rabbit hole of a new and confusing world she never knew existed. She must now navigate this new life filled with love, fear, and the supernatural. What awaits her down this path?

pairing: enhypen x reader (vampire au)

warnings: light swearing

word count: 1,569

chapters: [Ch.1] [Ch.3] [Ch.4]

~~~~~~~~~~

You bit into your second piece of toast of the morning as your phone buzzed in your pocket. After rummaging around for a few seconds, you retrieved your phone. You smiled at the notification, it was from Jake.

Jake: "We're here :)"

You quickly typed out and sent your reply as you hurried to finish the rest of your breakfast,

Y/N: "Ok, omw!"

One huge bite of toast and a painful swallow later, you were gathering your things and scurrying out the front door. You half-jogged down your driveway until you reached the car, greeting the boys like usual,

"Good morning," you said cheerfully as you climbed into the back seat.

Heeseung had been giving you rides every morning now for a couple of weeks, it had become your daily routine. And even though you insisted that you could walk, the two boys wouldn't take no for an answer. You eventually accepted their generosity, however you still felt a bit guilty. Fortunately, this new routine had allowed you and Heeseung to grow much closer over the past weeks. Now, you considered him a friend instead of a mere acquaintance. This was a relief as you had gotten much more comfortable around him. Although, Heeseung was just good at making everybody feel comfortable. He was just so charming and kind. This made it a lot easier for you to manage your nerves, but a lot harder for you to keep your crush on him from growing.

*****

The bell rang, signaling that it was time for lunch. Relief washed over all of the students' faces as they were freed from a horrendously boring lecture. You shared that relief as you packed up your stuff and strolled out of the classroom. You made a quick pit stop at your locker before heading down to the cafeteria.

After grabbing your food, you walked into the bustling dining space. Gosh it's so crowded, where are they? You scanned the tables until you noticed someone waving at you rather enthusiastically. Shocker, it was Jake. Heeseung was beside him, smiling and waving at you as well. You waved back before heading over to where they were sat. You set your food on the table and pulled out the chair in front of you. As you sat down, you noticed that Heeseung didn't have any food. How strange, you thought.

"Heeseung, where's your lunch?" You asked, knowing there had not been enough time for him to have already finished eating.

"Oh, I'm just not hungry today is all," he said awkwardly.

"Are you sure? You can have some of mine if you'd like," You offered.

"That's okay, thank you though," he smiled.

Something was odd about his demeanor after you brought it up, but you couldn't put your finger on it. You decided to stop interrogating him as you turned to Jake,

"How was that math test you had earlier?" You asked.

"Good! Aaand I may or may not have written down that one formula I can never remember on the inside of my hand..." he replied.

"Smart move," you giggled.

"I know," he said, grinning proudly.

You rolled your eyes as you began eating your lunch. Your school lunches were mediocre at best, but it could be worse. Another day, another stale pb&j. As you ate, the two boys started rambling about their after school plans. Apparently, there were a few other boys that they hung out with quite often. You had never met them, although Jake had mentioned them here and there. Listening to their conversation, you suddenly felt a slight sadness come over you. It wasn't that you were jealous, you were just afraid that one day they would get sick of you and leave you behind. They had other friends, but you didn't. Jake and Heeseung were all you had. You shook your head as you tried to expel the negative thoughts. Why am I getting upset over something that hasn't even happened? They would never do that anyway, you reassured yourself.

Before you knew it, lunch was over and you were running late for your next class. You were speed walking down the hall when you turned a corner and ran directly into something. Or some one, rather. You looked up to see who you had just harshly collided with. You recognized him from your english class, yet you had never spoken to him before. You realized you didn't even know his name.

"Ah, I'm really sorry!" You apologized, feeling your face heat up in embarrassment.

Seeing him up close like this made you wonder how you hadn't paid more attention to him. You had never noticed how handsome he was. He had a very sharp jawline and thick black hair that dangled just above his eyes. You also noticed there was a beauty mark on the side of his nose. Wow, his nose is like, perfect.

"It's alright. It's not every day that I run into a cute girl," he replied coolly.

You thought you were flustered before? Well now you were REALLY flustered. You opened your mouth to respond but before you could speak, he cut you off,

"Your lip is bleeding," he said, his face suddenly full of concern. His skin seemed to be growing paler.

"Oh, I didn't notice," you said, reaching up to wipe your mouth. You must have slightly busted your lip when you ran into him. You looked down and noticed a little trail of blood on the back of your hand. Thankfully, it was only a small amount so you weren't too worried. You looked back up at the boy and you noticed he was staring at your mouth rather intensely, almost as if he was in a trance.

"Uh...well I better get to class. Sorry, again." You apologized one last time before hurrying off down the hall.

Weird.

*****

Your class seemed to go by faster than usual today. Maybe it was because you ended up being almost 10 minutes late after your little incident in the hallway. Or maybe, it was because you couldn't stop thinking about that strange boy. Either way, you were relieved that class was over. However, that relief quickly left you once you realized what your next class was; English. You really didn't want to see that boy again after your previous meeting. You were still quite embarrassed and his reaction just made you even more uncomfortable. You sighed as you reluctantly accepted the inevitable.

Once you were seated at your usual spot, you pulled out your notebook and a pencil. You scanned over yesterday's notes as your teacher began the lesson. Everything was fine for a bit, until you began feeling eyes on you. Maybe you were just paranoid, but you could've sworn you saw that boy from earlier staring at you every so often. You attempted to pay attention to the lesson, but you couldn't. He was making you incredibly on edge. You put your head down in frustration. God, can't this day just end?

*****

You tapped your temple with the end of your pencil as you tried to make sense of your chemistry textbook. Although you were reading the words on the page, you weren't absorbing or internalizing any of it. You sighed and defeatedly closed your textbook as you decided to call it a night. You had been at the library studying for hours, you hadn't even noticed how dark it had gotten outside. You packed up your belongings and threw on your coat and scarf before heading out of the library. A shiver passed through your body as you entered the cold evening air. You began walking at a faster pace than usual, trying to get back to some warmth as soon as possible.

After a couple of minutes of walking, you could feel your cheeks stinging and you could see your breath in front of you. I need to get home faster, I'm freezing. You thought while looking around for a shortcut. You found a path down the edge of the forest that seemed to be the quickest route home. You sighed as you hurried down the deserted trail. As you continued on your way, you started to get an eerie feeling. Perhaps it was just the setting you were in, but you were considerably creeped out. You never liked walking alone at night, I mean, who does? Suddenly, as if on cue, you heard something behind you. You whipped your head around as you scanned the area for any potential danger. You didn't see anything but you could've sworn you heard another set of footsteps following close behind you. Maybe you were just being paranoid again. You turned back around, sufficiently scared at this point as you anxiously jogged the rest of the way. You sighed with relief as you made it to your house safely. You opened the front door and locked it behind you, not daring to look back out into the night. After shaking off your uneasiness, you headed upstairs and changed into your fuzziest pajamas before crawling into your warm bed. You quickly melted into the soft blankets as you drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ooooh, spooky ending! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter which was full of foreshadowing ;). I know it's taking a while to get all the boys introduced but I promise it'll happen soon! Thank you for reading! I’m also uploading this series on wattpad if you’d like to support it over there!

~Elle <3

[shihalyfie]

How to meet (or reunite with) your Digimon partner, according to 02

Here’s a post dedicated to those of you who are worried or sad about Kizuna’s premise, or how the way it ends is supposed to lead up to the 02 epilogue, and are thinking of that elephant-in-the-room question of “so then how do they get their partners back?” I’m not the Kizuna staff, so I can’t say anything for sure, but I can tell you that 02 gives us some interesting leads here!

You’re probably thinking “weren’t Kizuna and the problem of partnership dissolution made after 02? Isn’t this an Adventure movie? Why are you bringing 02 into this?” Ah, but you see, that might be true if you’re thinking of it on a technical plot level, but 02 as a series isn’t as thematically displaced from Kizuna as you might think, especially when the exact same real-life incident about a kid skipping grades, the one that literally was the foundation for 02′s creation to begin with, was brought back 20 years later for Menoa’s backstory. Certainly, a lot of the plot points introduced in Kizuna are new to it, but the themes and things it wants to say about self-acceptance and how to pursue happiness have very deep parallels to 02 -- which means that it’s not much of a stretch to think that some of the answers to the questions presented in Kizuna can be found in 02, too.

While it’s true that “getting your partner back from adulthood existential-crisis induced disappearance” is not a problem that necessarily presented itself in 02, remember that we’re dealing with a lot of theme parallels here -- a Digimon is part of one’s heart, and the central characters of both narratives (Ken and Menoa) had backstories that came from the same real-life story, one that warns that pressuring a kid into “adult” situations that they’re not emotionally prepared to handle will mess them up and cause them to lose their sense of self. The answer to the question of “how to get a partner back” in Kizuna was only pursued by the very scientifically-minded Menoa, who mashed keys on the keyboard and played around with egg data to get it to work, but this is Digimon, where these kinds of fateful meetings and evolutionary moments happen because of the heart, and everyone depicted lost their partners for reasons related to mentality and not science (remember, Menoa lost Morphomon at 14). Has Menoa done any real introspection in the last eight years? Probably not.

So, back in 02, when Ken did lose his sense of self, he eventually came back to his senses and decided to reclaim Wormmon. Thanks to how the plot worked, Wormmon merely “died” and was set to be reborn at the Village of Beginnings, but...

Just being reborn by the mechanics of the plot wouldn’t do it. Ken would never be able to find Wormmon again until he accepted something else, which is...

...himself. Everything good and bad about him, what he’d done in the past, how he has to move on with that, and how to move on with the person he actually is instead of the shell of the Kaiser. And with that, he is led to Wormmon, and is able to start the process of repairing their relationship.

So the point made here in 02 episode 23 is: one will only be able to be reunited with their partner if they can accept everything about themselves and become able to move on -- something that Menoa, who forced herself into the role of an “adult” in the hopes of getting more acceptance among her peers and eventually drowned herself in nostalgia, was most certainly not doing over the course of the movie.

So anyway, we get to 02 episode 50, and the parallel becomes even less subtle -- “a Digimon partner” is given a very direct correlation to “one’s own personal aspirations and dreams”. If you look back at the entire plot of 02 up to this point, with Ken and the Dark Seed children, all of them have been shoving aside “themselves” and “what they wanted to do” in an effort to please others -- to become well-behaved, studious, athletic, whatever society expected of them, instead of what they wanted to do. 

So all of the kids admit all of the embarrassing, “undignified” dreams that they’d been holding back because they’d felt that they weren’t “allowed” to have them (following Daisuke’s shameless example of admitting that he’s fine with doing something as simple as running a ramen shop), and are encouraged to be a bit shameless about it and forget what society wants them to do, instead of what they want to do. The word “belief” is brought up a lot in this episode -- it’s not just having dreams, you also have to really, truly believe in your ability to make them happen and have the gusto to follow them without restraint.

And so, this strong resolution to have “belief” allows their partners to spontaneously manifest in front of them -- and it’s all but stated that said “dreams” and said partners are equivalent, and even implied that their partners had always existed in their hearts in some form, just not able to truly appear until they fully accepted themselves. Or, in other words, you will only be able to meet your partner when you embrace everything about yourself and what you want to do, regardless of what others think or what society expects of you, and have the will to pursue it.

(By the way, yes. Spontaneously manifest. Even if most of Adventure/02 had been defined by concrete mechanics for the most of it, in the end, this is still a narrative about the human heart before anything else.)

And guess who else learns this lesson by the end of the episode?

When Oikawa, who had been childishly (hmmm) chasing after shallow symbols of his past in order to get it back (hmmmmmm) because he considered himself too much of a “tainted adult” (hmmmm, sounds familiar) back in 02 episode 48, finally comes to realize what his actual mistake was and that he should have been more free about pursuing his dreams instead of accepting Chikara taking them away from him and Hiroki, Oikawa is finally able to reconnect with the partner he’d “lost” all of those years ago (hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm). So, again, you will only be able to reunite with your partner once you accept everything about yourself and what you should do from here on out.

(Hey, fun fact: Pipimon also spontaneously appeared in front of Oikawa the moment he accepted this. Although the exact specifics of the current “adulthood” issue were probably not conceived until Kizuna, “not being able to reach a partner that you once had due to cutting your own dreams off” has precedent!)

Moreover, Menoa’s backstory seems practically engineered to make sure that she never witnessed this nor learned this lesson -- she lost her partner “eight years ago”, in 2002, the exact same year the events of 02 took place. Assuming that she lost said partner in the middle of the year (her flashback seems to take place in spring or so, when university admissions results are issued), this would have prevented her from participating in the “world tour” battles around the world in 02 episodes 40-42 and engaging with Daisuke and friends, and particularly from joining in the final fight with BelialVamdemon and therefore witnessing what happened with the Dark Seed children and Oikawa. Which means that her ability to get this cynical about partnership dissolution being “inevitable” and that there’s no way to regain your hopes and dreams was enabled by the fact that she didn’t get to learn the lesson that the Tokyo Chosen Children did all those years ago...

Let’s look at the four who lost their partners over the course of Kizuna. Where were they at the time they lost their partners?

Menoa: Considering herself spurned by other people who “look at her weird” and desperate to “live on her own two feet” and “be useful to the world”, forced herself into the role of an “adult” by getting herself to skip grades into a university setting she was unprepared for, for the sake of recognition more than anything, and ended up living a very lonely life

Taichi: Isolated himself from others for the sake of living independently and “having his own life to live”, losing focus about anything he wanted to do, and allowing himself to get slowly disconnected from Agumon

Yamato: Developed a sense of detachment from his old hobbies and started living life for a “grace period” due to lack of real focus on what he wanted to do

Sora: Started forcing herself into “obligations” to succeed her mother in flower arrangement and from her Chosen Child duties, to the point she isolated herself from others and started losing control over herself

(Funny thing: a big part of 02′s story was about finding support in others and fostering your relationships, and here we are with four people who are slowly “isolating” themselves from others...)

It’s not about “becoming an adult” and losing your partner. It’s about shoving yourself into the societally-enforced standard of an adult and losing yourself in the process, and therefore losing your ability to see your partner.

And so, by the end of Kizuna, all four of them have lost their partners -- but we also see the characters we know and love starting to follow their way to what we know is the 02 epilogue, through some very unsubtle hint dropping (retroactive hints to the careers we’re already aware of, such as Taichi’s future in diplomacy). Which means that the eventual existence of the 02 epilogue is in itself the answer to the question, because the epilogue is: everyone found what they wanted to do and pursued it, and therefore everyone eventually figured out their personal aspirations and what they wanted to do, and were able to accept and pursue it, which was established earlier as the key to meeting your partner.

By the way! It’s also revealed in 02 episode 50 that the Digital World itself is at least partially formed on “the power to materialize emotions” (both positive and negative), which is the explanation for so many phenomena over both Adventure and 02 being related to the human heart, and presumably is also why Digimon partners can even exist to begin with (they’re literally supposed to be a part of the inner self, so the power of the Digital World is what “brings them out”). All four “disappearances” on record happened with all four of them in the real world, fixated on their obligations to society and attempting to turn themselves into model citizens, but all of the above “meetings” with partners in 02 -- and Menoa making true “contact” with Morphomon (inside Eosmon) for the first time since her disappearance -- also happened in the Digital World, the world of idealistic dreams, personal aspirations, and the materialization of people’s emotions.