#and im trying. with questionable progress. but im trying.
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i hc bakugou as german/japanese and yes i will be elaborating..
currently, you were attempting (read: struggling) to make katsuki's favorite dish. his mother mentioned it to you once and ever since then you've been secretly trying to perfect it; creating it in such a way as she would.
"maus, d'ya need some help with that?" katsuki whispered to you, wrapping his large hands around your waist.
he delivered a soft kiss to your neck. you love it when he's like this, gentle, with his harsh barrier down, just the two of you in your shared home. smiling to yourself, "no 'tsuki, i got it."
continuing to stir the pot, katsuki released his hands from your waist and walked over to the cabinet. "y'know i could smell ya' cooking, right? could hear ya' cooking too.." he made sure that the last part was below a whisper.
"mm, so im guessing you already know what it is then?"
he turned his head, facing you. "yep, could also tell you didn't add enough spice." you rolled your eyes.
"really?"
"yes maus, really. here," he said, handing you a small red bottle, about the size of your palm.
shifting your gaze away from the pot, meeting his eyes, "what's this?" you questioned.
"just use it, trust me."
a/n: i feel like my writing has progressed and i don't like it. a little drabble to feed my few fellow followers whom i love :))) not proofread
#fluff fluff fluff#boku no hero academia#katsuki x y/n#bnha x reader#mha#my hero academia#shu's work#bakugou x reader#Bakugou
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I find it so funny how online u guys r really only seeing a slice of my personality. On here I'm talkative and social and friendly (or at least I try to be). I'll ramble on and on and on... surely this is a person that likes to talk, you may think
I dont. I actually kinda hate talking in most circumstances hfkshfkdj. Like it's worth it when I'm with people I like, and if I'm comfortable u may even unlock the special interest rambles, but it does still take energy. Energy that I rarely care to give to most people.
So im social on here, but IRL I'm very quiet around Most people (excluding the special few), and I'll go out of my way to Never talk to strangers if I can help it. Granted, it makes it hard to make friends, and sometimes I'll think "man, if I put in an effort to talk to my classmates, maybe I'd have more IRL friends" but when I get there, even if I find someone who seems cool, my ass is NOT casually chatting with them lmaoooo. Just at the thought I'm like Ugh Ugh Ugh Ugh Ugh and so I just don't lol.
Such is the duality of me.
#speculation nation#really u guys r just getting all my words that i dont say to people irl. which is why there are so many.#ive been. Making Efforts... by going with my girlfriend sometimes to hang out with her friends.#and ive even been Making Efforts to actually. talk. during these times. though i still feel so awkward.#according to my girlfriend tho they do like me. i struggle to understand why bc im socially awkward as hell#and honestly dont really have a great sense of humor. fuck if i know how to tell jokes#but maybe not everyone has to be the jokester... and maybe i am not entirely incompetent at social interaction...#just. it's a good thing shes more social than me i think. she can get me to come out of my shell a bit more.#and im trying. with questionable progress. but im trying.
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I actually find it really bizarre and counter intuitive that clinically speaking, you cannot legally be diagnosed with a personality disorder until you're at least 18. The reason given for this is because "the personality has not fully developed before this age" like ???
Ah yes, my favorite strategy. Not diagnosing the problem until it's already been virtually cemented into your brain for life! Wouldn't it be easier (and more painless) to address the problem before it's fully developed?
#im also certain that the age that personality fully forms at is not a universally agreed upon number#like idk. maybe this raises less questions about age and more about the potential consequences of pathologizing personalities#it feels a little fucked up to me that some mental illness are 'just' mental illnesses while others are deemed a thing synonymous with you#and i can understand if some people with personality disorders do really heavily identify with their disorders#thats fine!#i also think the average person has a concept of personality which is relatively stagnant and thats just not realistic tbh#i mean if you think personality is stagnant then yours probably is so in rhat sense youre not wrong#but personality can absolutely change and i dont think it makes you a 'different person'#i think its a natural progression#anyways. got a little derailed but the point im trying to make is#lets find a way to give people with personality disorders a more realistic hope for recovery without invalidating them#and also lets maybe try to treat personality disorders preemptively so they don't get worse
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Its weird because i dont actually have much of a desire to move to france or use french reguarly in my life but at this point ive deadicated over a year to learning it so i might as well keep going and finish
#it just makes me frustrated but whatevee#its like a pretty big part of my life but A. i never feel like i can chat about it#b. its generally increadibly difficult with no real way to track progress#c. its both. increadibly alienating and connecting#its so easy to feel lonely as a foreigner#foreigner isnt the right word since its the internet but thats the closest thing ive got#and i want to talk about it and share my music and what ive found but thats also difficult#because then people either expect you to be good at it which im literally not or#one time my friend made a comment at me like 'your french rap because your so cool'#and like NO!!!!! IM NOT COOL IM A LANGUAGE NERD!!!!!!#idk it made me feel bad and like. everytime i try to express my love for learning this i feel like a pretentious ass#when NO. im literally just enjoying a process and developing a skill that im very excited about and it sucks not beinf able to talk about it#it also doesnt help that the majority of instences are very small things#like today i met someone and asked them if they had a portal and they said no#THATS MASSIVE FOR ME. I ASKED A QUESTION AND GOT A RESPONSE. I TRANSCENDED LANGUAGE BARRIERS ARE YOU FUCKING ME#how is that not frankly INSANE#anyway idk. i want to be better but the joy is in the process or whst fucking ever#im also realising a lot of the time i feel like i have to prove myself to french servermates#i have to be useful i have to be generous i have to be a good builder#because if im not then im annoying and slow and everyone gets confused#im starting to want to find characters in shows like me who are stuck between languages and who are trying o reach across to others despite#idk learning a langauge has given me so much perspective on the world. other things seem to fall flat#its nice to feel smarter than i usually do#i often think im just not very smart at these kind of things but i am it just takes a different method for me i guess#idk#fish talks
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thinking about the greatest thing I've ever been asked as a leonard mun ever that still frequently pops into my head and it was two years ago "do you think 1.3 would be transphobic"
#gu6chan's musings#drakengard#drag on dragoon#drakengard 1.3#drag on dragoon 1.3#my answer was no given the kind of world they live in and that he's ALREADY a pretty progressive guy for the established standards humans#seem to have in dod (re: treating elves with respect) but like#it'd take him a while to GET it#should mention it's similar for dod1 leonard but the only difference is the context of dod1 being like 'im just a guy who cares'#and 1.3 i guess.... it being easier leverage with discrimination? as a village leader you know it can be very easy to try and group things#but when you run a (cult) village commune that's like 'we're all equals💗💞💕🥰 make love not war (just don't ask who we're making love to)'#the whole othering thing is kinda against the point ESPECIALLY in a war lmao#love rambling over stupid ass questions like these ejfjfjsjdj no leonard would NOT ve transphobic!!! very important thing we should all kno#but other note part two of the dod oc coming soon....
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Silverpoint tip of the week!
[Text in pink reads: Silverpoint tip of the week!. End of Plain Text.]
You need to keep your workspace with regular access to sunlight because when you go out in the middle of the day to drag your friend from her archives to your lab the sun's light will blind you if you are not used to it.
This is a problem I forgot one could have, so i am reminding you to check for sources of outside light in your current location---
Kip, are you SERIOUS?
You just explained to me the MULTIVERSE and you start updating with weekly tips? At least WAIT until I LEAVE for goodness' sake.
Alright, here's my tip, since I came all the way here. Learn when to say no. Like "No, Kip, I won't change my words. i'm right."
I can answer some questions. Don't waste my time though.
#as kip#as george#kip tips#status update#story progress#///ooc: she's gonna be here until monday or a minimum of 3 questions#///ooc: george is up to speed with the lore dont try to shock her. she is too tired to care she just wants to see her fav theory be true#///ooc: im going to mimir#os game rp
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..i have a plot for the soulmates as horror fic finally
the problem is i also have two other longer projects going on at the moment along a few others that ive already started ages ago so its like. i really shouldnt start another multichapter thing
but god im just so happy to have a plot
#i should really finish the other two first since they are in good progress and have coherent outlines#and then i should try to get immortal fears back in track#and maybe THEN i could start with this#the thing just is that ive wanted to write fucked up soulmates for so long now its just so tempting to start this now now that it has a plo#like an actual plot. i dont have an ending but i most definitely have a plot now that im really happy with#..i might poll this hmm. not only cause im indecisive as all hell about these three things. but also to scout potential interest#..which isnt gonna be a lot based on other factors cause lmao all three of these are orangekip. obviously#we'll see. at least things are a tad easier now that i have a keyboard i can actually type with#maybe i should post more about my wips so people can actually get interested and ask questions and stuff mmmmmm#(i just dont like talking about projects that are in progress cause i might still drop them and then its just sad lmao)#night is an absolute mess on main
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#lmao.... realized my lack of self esteem n confidence was holding me back#like it seems so Obvious but LMAO#in the past i was like... well whatever will be will be... and left it at That#like how did i expect Anything to happen... like nah !!!!!!#but... ya now that i have self confidence n esteem or whatever !!!! and am doing the things !!! im like oh lmao......#maybe things are Different this time bc im putting myself out there#HOWEVER.... i realize it also has to do with thw other person also doing the work ......#god this is turning into a Crush^tm post again but !!!!!!!#without him like... chasing me down in the hallway that time... or calling my name in class to ask me something.. or asking questions for me#when i was too hesitant........#i would have never !!! even trued to pursue. but i guess thats normal.???? idk !!!!!#whatever whatever NDNDNDMDMSMZ#POINT IS. proud of myself for my progress this year#bc i also like started dressing how i want too NDNDJDJDMD#lots of help from the local thrift store. bc i can like try sooooo many different things that id be too hesitant to b4.... so ya !!#one of the better years for sure !!!!!!#personal
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heads up: commenting something like "im glad persona seems to be done with being homophobic after 3-5" on youtube will summon people you never even imagined could exist into your notifications
#might add screenshots in a reblog later#“just because you cant romance a guy doesnt mean theyre homophobic” i never said that. this is about the caricatures and bad jokes.#“being afraid to sleep near someone attracted to your gender is normal” are you... okay...?#“lesbians have high abuse rates. this is relevant because usually angry lesbians hate persona” what the FUCK are you talking about??#“some stereotypes have some amount of truth to them” the stereotype in question is flamboyant drag queens trying to kidnap a teenager.#“jokes about gay people doesnt mean they hate gay people” a repeated pattern of extremely cruel jokes is pretty telling tho dude#im losing my mind#modernsona#newsona#youtube comments#homophobia#transphobia#<- because lest we forget the persona 3 beach scene. im referring to that too when i say 3-5 are homophobic.#also to clarify#i fucking love this franchise#im just also willing to admit it tends to age like milk#which is funny because apparently innocent sin was extremely progressive for its time in regards to lgbt representation#but oh well#we cant have nice things
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Where's the post about the guy at the sex club who is always naked first so as to make others feel like it's okay for them to start too. I'm this but for gender
#ill disrespect both sets of gender stereotypes and be alt so that people around feels less scared about trying it out#gender dedramatization if you will#im SO proud to have caused people to stop repressing themselves#I'll have the most incomprehensible contradictory gender identity so comparing people will forget they thought binary transness was weird#if i have to spend time around ppl i I didn't choose i WILL make them question shit and rethink assumptions. no progress was made quietly#im not stuck with them they're stuck with me#sam speaks
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huh so. watership down. is a solid book. solid. book. compelling characters, thought through world building, build up and payoff in good amounts, somehow pretty hopeful despite the ongoing danger and threats throughout. like. damn. nice.
and honestly. less tragic than i was expecting! excellent. holding these little rabbits in my hands.
#that said it is Not the book i read as a child about a rabbit trying to jump over a river. alas.#but! good! whether this equips me to watch the newest d20 season is a different q i suppose.#(i say as if im not still trying to make good progress on mentopolis)#sysreading#?#i think its really like. a beautiful showcase of little lives and big emotions and crises.#the realism of the rabbits crossed with the complexity of like- human quarrels and emotions and explanations. really just. yeah.#damn. beautifully done.#it is a harsh book to an extent with the realism and the blood and the danger and the fear and the losses but honestly?#so much more hopeful and kind than i was expecting given its reputation.#i feel like its something like: the world is harsh and cruel and can leave you with your throat run red at any moment. but all of the main#the main characters. the sympathetic ones. are never cruel or uncaring despute the world#or even bc of it. or even when they are unkind you see the reasons behind it. its a harsh world with a main band of characters who are#trying their best and sympathetic and scared and persevering. idk. good stuff. enjoyed it greatly.#watership down#god you know what this makes me wanna do though. other than go thru the discussion questions in the back of the book.#i kinda wanna reread guardians of gahoole#love books of deceloped animal societies dealing with conflict and war and strategizing....
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Man, life is just depressing right now
#the one thing that was keeping me sane has gone away#i would always say 'yeah every medical professional has given up and there's nothing they can do. but at least i have my PTs' well...#my current PT's are the only ones that ever treated me like a person and they always kept trying...but they've given up too#basically Clare was like we haven't made any gains in over a year and your state keeps getting worse. nothing we do helps#so it may be time to consider stopping bc throwing away money isnt helpful either#and i argued that it's damage control and improves my quality of life and i have a progressive disease i never was going to get better#not to mention mentally it helps to know there's people in my corner and at least they haven't given up on me#but now they have and im feeling so very very alone and hopeless#it's not like this is a surprise right? ive always been beyond help and it's an incurable degenerative disease#but still getting to this point fucking sucks#and i went to the new neurologist and he had nothing but crazy experiments bc ive tried fucking everything#and then to top it off the only doctor i trusted from when i was a teenager for one specific med issue had also said the same#literally this week she was like there's nothing more. i cant help find someone else. sorry kid. wishing you the best#and Xmas is a depressing and challenging time too#and i have 400 med problems while trying to find work#the past few weeks have pulverized me and i havent stopped crying in days#so yeah. terribly terribly alone#and im trying not to go down any spirals and havent. my therapist was out this week. but im seriously questioning the point#at this point maybe i should give up too#im being stubborn bc no i cant go yet i havent seen the lights yet or read my new books#but honestly i havent been able to read partially bc im afraid if i do im losing the last tethers to earth#there's not much or anything to live for#it's at times like these you truly realize how much you dont want to die. you just wish you could live#but im broke and freezing and in pain and alone. this story's ending fucking sucks#my dbt is coming in clutch but seriously. is there a point anymore?#never got to live. sick since a kid. hell was always here#sorry for the depressing state of things ill go back to being insane in a moment#p
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i’m pretty sure studying abroad was a poor decision with regards to every single aspect of my life, but i’m saying this sick and tired and after a long day of being on a mandatory field trip i’ve been dreading all week so. grain of salt etc
#doesn’t help that i just finished listening to a self described cozy mystery audiobook set in oxford#& so now i’m nostalgic and utterly convinced i should have gone to england#but still. i am trying to be positive i am trying to keep an open mind i am Putting Myself Out There as much as i’ve been able#i’ve been talking to people i’ve been asking questions i’ve been making conversation i’ve been searching desperately for someone i like#but also like. if i could get my money back and go home right now. or go to a different program even. i would in a heartbeat#a diff program wouldn’t solve everything but it would solve the academic failure of this program#which is that i’m not interested in any of the classes i’m taking bc i’m trying desperately to take classes that fulfill major requirements#but that’s almost impossible here esp for psych which is the one i need credits for#and so on an academic level this program is a waste of my time and actually actively harming me academically and i very well might have to#take a summer class. bc i can’t meet all my requirements in time#and then on a social level. well it’s me#i don’t like anyone yet and of COURSE bc its fucking day 6 but i have talked. to so many people. and it’s so hard#AND on a culinary level i don’t like any of the food here and i have to figure out how to feed myself and i genuinely considered just buying#a pallet of meal replacement shakes and drinking those. but i don’t even know if i can buy those here#anyway it would all be fine if i was just lonely and didn’t like the food that’s to be expected im homesick#but this program is like actually literally negatively impacting my degree progress and i not only would be happier but would be on a much#more stable path to graduation if i wasn’t doing it#i wish i had picked a better program I WISH I WAS TAKING CLASSES. AT A LOCAL UNIVERSITY. IN ENGLISH. AND NOT AT A STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM#HQ WITH EXCLUSIVELY OTHER AMERICANS!!! WHAT IS THE POINT?????#personal#isa bcn
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#these cravings are killing me right now#ive been off alcohol for so long now#but tonight of all nights i can just taste the drop#i want it to bad#but i can't#i must stay strong#i cannot waiver#i do not want to release again#the last time i did it took me months and months and months to finally stop drinking#i dont want to stop my progress and stumble again#but this urge is killing me so bad right now#yesterday really did trigger something inside of me to want to open up a bottle and take a shot of whiskey#so much of me has been craving a single drop a sip but i just can't i have to be strong have to have to have to#i try to tell myself this but I can't keep it out of my mind#i would be playing video games but i got off cause my friend was being hella rude so i didn't want to take the disrespect and just got off#now im just laying in bed staring at this screen typing away like its a friend i can vent to#but i don't have any friends im capable of venting too its always them venting to me and asking me questions for my perspective of things#honestly have been pushing them away for the most part cause of the way they've been acting.#like even when im asked if I'm okay its ina trolling demeanor its not even a serious are you okay its literally just them trolling me#idk but i need better friends#i just wonder where i will be in the next 10 years... no where good if i continue this way thats a fact#personal#about me
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logging back in just bc this is my only private diary
#random rant#tw for everything#god I think there is something deeply wrong with me worse than ever now I’m questioning my own self and worth and sometimes morals#I’m on a break from the guy I’m seeing#and I told a mutual friend about it#he’s the one who asked for the break even tho I don’t so that shit#deep down I kind of wanted it so why am I so wrecked over it#I hate airing my dirty laundry out to people uninvolved in said relationship#hate talking about trouble in paradise kind of shit but I told her the bad things he does to me#and I felt so guilty bc I got this weird intrusive thought#that as if im planning this sabotage tactic ? when I’m not all this isn’t my intention whatsoever#I just said the truth. and the thought was like ‘ok at least now I have established with a third party a reason if I need to abandon him in#the future’ what the fuck?? I’m not like this. I’m not apathetic I’m not using him why did I get that thought#he’s said some of the most horrible things I’ve ever heard fo me#ends up regretting it and says he didn’t mean it.#in reality I feel like I’m just trying to protect myself#I felt so pathetic having her listen to me tear up while talking#god put us on this earth to punish each other I’m having my Normal People arc#is this a form of self harm why do I do this to myself and to him too#I love him? I’m even thinking about relapsing into using and drinking but it’s not stemming from a coping need I just miss feeling carefree#and numb and momentarily happy almost#I only told him a few issues I have but not the bigger ones and I’m already feeling like as if he uses them against me in arguments#I want to get back into therapy but I can’t I have no access or resources this sucks ass#thinking of asking my pharmacist if I can get my antidepressants otc but I went off them bc the side effects were unbearable and I just#genuinely felt better for once as if I progressed but this is undoing so much of my hard hard work#and what’s funny he doesn’t even realise or see any of these things affecting me so horribly#I feel so insane I feel like a socio I want to be normal I want to be healthy I want to be happy and actually have it last#can’t sleep
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Guyssss my combinatorics assignment is gonna be the end of me. Why is it SO HARD. The examples and proofs in the lectures are literally so simple but this feels impossible😭😭😭
#i have like 75% of the questions answered#theres just two left that i still need to figure out#but ive been staring at them for so long and just trying random things#and i dont think ive made any progress in a long time#i think im just gonna hand it in and hope i get part marks#bc i honestly cant do this anymore#LOL im really out here blogging about my homework#i need to get out more#gooseposts
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