#and im super close 2 of them
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sbr doodles because cowboys cool
yeehaw am i right gamers *a semi truck collides into my home at high speeds, killing me instantly*
#WOOO YEAHHH COWBOYS#still reading but MAN#im gonna be honest sbr is probably super close to new favorite part because johnny and gyro live in my heart forever right next to#joseph and caesar and they are competing for brain space but i think part 2 still my favorite#SBR IS REALLY CLOSE THOUG#jjba#steel ball run#johnny joestar#gyro zeppeli#i could also tag diego i guess but he’s in like one thingy and i speedran drawing him#do you think he names the dinosaurs he makes#important genuine question i need to know#if he doesn’t I will#i’m naming them all gertrude#sic em Gertrude 2000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my art !! :]
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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I DID MY COMEDY PERFORMANCE TODAY!!! in front of like 200 people!!! and i didnt stutter or forget what to say!!! and people laughed!!!
#i wasnt THE funniest other performances got better reactions but that was largely because the people performing were popular#point is people laughed !! two girls i barely know came up to me after and said i was really good! (thank you nikita and i forgot your name#and according to one of my friends some mullets were making fun of me during my thing and then a popular girl behind them was like#hey stop dont do that#so thats cool#and the girl whos lockers next to mine also complimented my comedy thing after so that was nice#+ one of the other ppl performing who i used ro be super good friends with (years ago) was very engaged and laughing which was nice :-)#we may not be close friends anymore but yk its nice to still get along 👍#also two of my friends also performed and they did well too ‼️ it was very cool#anyway im very proud of myself for being able to perform in front of that many people cos i have literally never done that#the last time i spoke to an audience of more than 30 people was year 4 assembly and that was like 100 ppl max#so yea im very happy lol. especially considering that the past three years weve been doing persuasive speeches instead of comedy#(comedy was introduced this year to try it out instead of persuasive speeches)#and for the past 2 years ive done my speeches to just the teacher and a few friends cos i dont like giving persuasives to the whole class#(which i still feel tbh) but like. i can do comedy and play a character in front of an audience! which is pretty awesome
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pondering the kirsch siblings orb yet again and you really cannot convince me that quinn would not have been moving like depression era bella in new moon from the moment she even FOUND OUT richie was moving to modesto...
#like bc LISTEN.#anyone with eyes can tell richie was clearly her everything 😭#and idt she was super young bc i hc he moved out about 1-2 yrs b4 the events of 5cream#and richie wouldve still been 23-24#but just given how close they were + how spoiled he was at home LMAO idt she wouldve Expected him to leave 'so soon'#read: EVER or at least before the twins graduated hs#so i think that news hit her like the final destination 2 log truck. like that HURT. DEVASTATED her even. esp given the distance bc-#i hc the kirsches as Wisconsin People (source: kinda sorta radio silence but also my besties knowledge of Wisconsin People)#so from wherever the hell wisconsin to CALIFORNIA?!?!?!?! ik quinn was crying screaming throwing up like that was the worst day of her LIFE#up until then at least. like maybe she was onto smth bc nothing GOOD came of him moving there.#but yeah no i think she was absolutely moping about emo as hell feeling like a piece of her was literally missing.#bc and i think this goes wrt both of her brothers but since im kirschcest pilled yk theres an extra element there#quinn is very like family oriented in general and i think she doesnt know how to think of herself/what to do w herself if shes not like.#being their sister. best way i can put it thats not so convoluted but ykwim. like so it just does Not feel natural for her#for them to be apart & SO far away from each other. i think it wouldnt be nearly as big a deal if he moved out but stayed even just in stat#the only bright spot for her wouldve been 1) getting to visit and 2) getting the idea that she could just go out there for college#then yippee!! the whole gang is reunited!#bc obvi ethan is coming with. im ngl i do not even think she would ask or be like 'so i wanna move to cali to be close to richie hbu?'#i think she'd assume like well theyve been together their whole lives? why WOULDNT ethan go along?? 😭#and she's right except he is 100% agreeing bc he'd be with HER#but thats another post and or tag essay#ceci speaks#scream franchise#scream vi#kirsch siblings#richie kirsch#quinn bailey
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Im so sorry i played Our Life: beginnings and always and not only has it sucker punched me with bittersweet feelings of life and change and relationships but its also thrown me into brain rot hell of it. Im sorry if ocean boy cove floods your feed get it? Its a pun
#t-n talks#personal#our life: beginnings & always#olba#i love him so much i love them all so much i need to replay with all the dlcs and get shiloh to come to our wedding#because i named a fosh after him in like step 2 or 3 and i missed him and i dont care if he lied to us im sorry shiloh#come baaack#but also baxter what happened baxter we missed you so much youre important to us youre important to meeeeeee#everyones my friend now how do i have jeremy at my wedding but not shiloh? jeremy you should have made shiloh suffer tooooo#im so glad i got jeremy though god i felt for him so bad like genuinely what was wrong while he was mean to us#i just wanted to be nice and friends but also dont be mean to cove and im so glad hes mellowed out a bit hes really a good kid sometimes#i love them all so much dereeeekkkkk hes such a good friend god hes SUCH A GOOD FRIEND im screaming#and baxter baxter baxter baxter sometimes i dont think hes in love with us but in love with our relationship but also like#i wouldnt mind us three being closer because youre fucking important to me baxter just like jeremy#youre all part of this found family gay as shit now if i can be adopted then that means i can adopt you too!!!#god but seriously? like i expected to cry because of relationship love drama at first not because i was having#complicated feelings about being adopted and my relatiinship with my sister god ive never had an older sister really#and my siblings and i arent super close but im adopted and i dont think ive ever wanted something more than this family#this game man i just god my fiance was like “i dont think this game was meant to be so deep/intense” but like its a visual novel#novels are meant to invoke feelings and thoughts and discussion and reflection at least thats what i believe every story has a purpose#its up to us to figure out what its purpose is maybe not in general but to us what can we take away from it and god#it makes me want to hold onto my friendships tightly and reach out to everyone i knew/know#i have too many tags on here because of brain rot but i love this game and im so excited for the next one and i would love to download#like my log of the entire game so that i can recap everything at like my leisure#just cause im not gonna remember all my choices and stuff
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considering making a pmatga edition of my "say cheese" project where i take pictures of every character so people have easy access to photos (for edit blogs and the like!) of the characters . what are we thinkin chat
#the captain's rambles#pacman and the ghostly adventures#pmatga#only catch is im doing betrayus DEAD LAST. not 2 be mean or whatever but because he's The most popular character and there are like#a Million other Super Obscure characters from the same source who have ZERO pictures of them out there#despite sometimes having More lore relevance than he does (COUGH COUGH sunny and zac COUGHACK apex COUGH#sorry betrayus girlies you're gonna have to take the L ok . for now anyways#i would arguably do him in the first batch but like. Everyone knows who betrayus is. he's basically the poster boy 4 the show#it's less of an issue with botbots bc EVERYONE is obscure from there. there's no single “special little blorbini EVERYONE loves”#i guess frostferatu and bonz-eye come close-ish to that bc frostie's on the fucking sexypedia and bonz-eye is homo gay w/ lady macaron#but with pmatga it's like. there's a thousand bajillion betrayus pictures out there.#even If things are getting better and more ppl are focusing on other characters#the impact the 2015 fandom had on the current fandom can Not be ignored and/or erased 😭
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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out
#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk#i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting#but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life#wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around#so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length#how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg#ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most#i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway#i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well#i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately#I DUNNO#i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out#i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems#n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me#i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want#while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts#i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there#i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl#i just dont know what yet#concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent#ok i think this ramble is ovr#im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!
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#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
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long time no horse! 1/3
alt. versions under the cut
#my art#horse#horses#once again HOW am i tagging this#sv forum#ocs#four horns#guobei esen#(<- ???? close enough?)#anyway @ mingyansveil of svforum if youre on here let me know so i can tag you for your son#there was supposed to be a bird too but i gave up. sorry tseren :(#<3 steppe trip where nothing goes wrong ever#(anyway this is 1/3 of a set but i think id wither away if i had to draw 7 horses and 6 people on one canvas so separating them)#goats#(one goat but she goes in the goats tag. the Original Goat who started it all)#BUT im super excited to draw the other 2 of this set and then +1 (with additional goat lore)#(the extra lore is just that when riding into battle goat demons attach horns to their horses bridles. and i want to illustrate that SO BAD#sorry i WILL say nonsense in the tags again#why does my girl 4horns have white hair and no horns under the cut? reasons :3#also i have to say aaa tumblr why do i have to use the new post editor......... please dont force me to i dont like it :(
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I LOVE SUIKODEN SOOOO FUCKING MUCH
#im in gregminster at the end of the game rn and i love love loooovee being able to hear the upbeat town music just barely#beneath the melancholic wind sounds#suikoden ost you are everything to me no ost will ever top you#also i got all 108 stars babey B)#unfortunately got leon after doing the final army battle so i didnt get gremio revived which is APPARENTLY A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN???????#but i mean pahn died when he dueled my dad or whatever anyways so idk if id have been able to have gremio revived even if i had gotten leon#also the idea of him being revived kind of undersells the story tbh#maybe it works with how its executed idk i didnt get to see it happen lmao#also. i know i am RIGHTTT on top of the finale like i am so close to beating this game again but#i had to stop because of all the freaking guards jumping me every 2 seconds good lord#fight four guards take a step fight four more guards take another step fight five guards etcetc#ALSO#I ENDED UP GOING THRU THE NECLORD CASTLE LIKE. FOUR OR FIVE TIMES FOR REASONS#AND WHYYYYY COULDNT I USE AN ESCAPE TALISMAN THERE????#i beat the neclord months ago t-t#i dont mind the random encounters and stuff as a concept but when ur at the end game just tryna finish up some odds and ends.#they are so. frustrating#i think the frequency of them is the problem#esp since suikoden isnt a grindy game like it is so easy to level up characters super fast#which i love love loveeeee i love that ur actaully kind of able to play around with using a variety of ur. 100+ characters#but then its like. why so many random fights theyre just wasting my time#hoping suikoden 2 is a lil better in that regard but we shall see#reeeaally really hyped for suikoden 2!!#spoilers for a 30 yo old game lmao
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God that reminds me I was writing this longass reply to when you were comparing MineDai to AraSawa and part of it was basically like. Hear me out but While I've Concluded MineDai Should Not Be Parents For Various Reasons… If they were. Non-zero chance the kid could plausibly turn out like Masato 😭😭😭like spoiled and entitled “wait ’til my FATHER(S) hear about this” nepo baby who can’t connect with either dad and actively resents at least one while taking advantage of their familial ties and living a life of (financial) privilege just sounds about right I'm sorryyyyyyyyy
So it was funny to me because just as AraSawa is MineDai With Dads… perhaps MineDai is AraSawa Without Kids… and AraSawa is the alternate, still-doomed timeline…
its only natural that if arasawa is Minedai But Dilfs then minedai inversely is Arasawa But. One Of Them Sees Red Around Happy Children
#snap chats#BUT SOOOO true that baby WOULD be masato adjacent tho... its in the cards...#only i imagine that kid's resentment towards mine is like. actually justified probably#i said it months back but i always think that if mine WAS a dad he'd be a lot like my mom#though somehow probably like. 2% calmer. he doesnt yell at you but he will make you feel inadequate about everything you do#money can fix whatever damage he does right <- it will not and in his soul he knows that but he wont acknowledge it#and why should he i mean its just a kid right. //screaming//#OK BUT ALSO DOUBLE FUNNY i thought of making a stupid meme chart of my first impressions of arakawa/sawashiro#vs how id feel bout them throughout the game and then just. The Conclusion Being 'this is minedai but with dads'#as a comedic super simplification of course. theres layers. but also lol#THE FACT THAT SOMETIEMS I DO FIGHT WITH MYSELF ON IF I WANNA EXECUTE AN IDEA WITH MINEDAI OR ARASAWA#IS REALLY FUNNY. theres differences tho dont be fooled.. its not a perfect mirror but its close enough to be hilarious#ive talked way too long ANYWAY. do not let mine around kids hes going to give them trauma just by talking to them#id trust daigo with a kid tho. hes proven he can take care of them..... what a king...#he reads as someone who'd be a lil awkward bout bein a dad tho but now im gettin too into it
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.
#the worst part about all this is that i Literally saw her 2 weeks ago. we didnt have time to talk we just said hi and went our separate ways#i never even got to say goodbye to her.#and i didnt even know i needed to because this was all so fucking sudden. she was my age. healthy. etc#life is really fucking fragile huh. like it can be gone just like that.#im sorry im just.#i was super close with her mom too and i want to idk. text her or something. but what the fuck can i even say??#and my other friends in that friend group are all unavailable rn for one reason or another#like. no contact in another country kind of unavailable#so im just. do they even know. has anyone told them. or will they find out when they come back.#i still cant even wrap my head around it tbh. its just. she was alive this morning. she was alive. this morning.#hh. anyway.#i called my sister and cried to her a little bit which was nice. but fuck i really really wish i could hug her right now#or cuddle my dog. literally anything.#im going to be such a fucking mess tomorrow oh my god#i dont even want to go to sleep tonight because if i see her in my dreams im going to fucking lose it#i dont know. i dont fucking know.#winter speaks#personal#tw death#grief tag#<- i fucking guess. i might be venting more in the next few weeks so ill at least make it easy to blacklist
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my saffron crocus didn't die :0
#i planted them last spring and they were supposed to bloom in the fall but they didn't so i thought they were dead#bc they were iffy in my growing zone and i jist planted them in the lawn w no protection like if they die they die#bc they were super cheap and im lazy#anyway they put up leaves!!! they're alive!!!!#probably they just needed time to establish#hopefully they flower this year!!#they're fall blooming :)#plus i can harvest the stamens to cook with#maybe sell some if i get enough idk#but they should flower late fall when stuff is dying back :)#would be so nice to have flowers at that time of year#i know someone in a warmer zone who's been growing them in a cold frame and not had any flowers for like 2-3 years as they establish tho#so possibly a failed experiment if they live but never flower idk#but hopefully they'll live and flower#my logic was basically that i got 30 for 12 dollars and planted them in a wide variety of locations in my yard#hoping for at least a few to thrive without protection bc im lazy#and for 12 dollars it would be worth it if most of them died to get even a couple flowers#they're hard to find in the grass but i think i have close to 20 at least!#i will share in the fall if any of them flower this year <3#horticulture tag#gardening tag
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I want to go home so I can actually fix this but I blinked and there was a background. All these years and all I needed to start practicing backgrounds was an obsession with silly little fish dudes. Whatever it takes I guess.
#2 more hours and i can go hooooome#i was rewatching episodes and in one of them there was a little bitty boat waaaaay off in the distance in the harbor#so i wanted to put a little bitty boat way off in the distance#posting it like this makes it easier to see what i need to fiddle with later#mermen will just sit on rocks#im thinking about where franklin lives his little grotto isnt super close to any merfolk society#its closer to a little harbor but on the other side of a mountain so theres still some sense of security#right around the corner id say he likes tricking sailors out of trinkets but he also likes watching the boats#he really wants to ride on a boat
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i! cannot sleep!!!!! so as a lil kitten update harpy has opened his eyes at 1 week and 4 days old!! his sister faun is currently refusing to see the world but i think within the next day or so she'll get a lil jealous of her brother and follow suit.. XD
#lynx speaks#harpy&faunposting#they are. SO damn cute can u tell i fucking adore them can u tell#im keeping a VERY close eye on harpy cause despite bein older than faun by 2 mins hes HALF her size#so at two weeks i may get some bottle feed to help him out#like bro him and faun sleep criss cross over each other and i get SO worried that his tiny ass cant breathe or somethin#cause he is HIDDEN under her lmao#like hes doin fine but :( IM WORRIED OKAAYYY teeny tiny lil baby makes me super duper worrieddddd
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fionna and cake ruined me. thinking about an AU where marceline, alone, finds the crown first ):
#i like to think her utter selfishness and preoccupation with entertaining herself would be a good thing like#grand scheme.#im not sure shes a natural Tyrant but given a childs inherently selfish nature she’s bow to crowns will quickly i think#but i do think the immediate threat of vampires would occupy her and the humans would indeed get away#immortals would be funny playthings you follow me#i do think she’d have a prallel encounter w the vampire king and kill him but ultimately still be bitten#i think the absolute moment the candy people began to bud she’d pit a dome over them for observation aka entertainment#ofc i say all this to it eventually leading to bubbline since bonnibel could easily be the first person to#1 actually Approach her and 2 meet her on level the other vampires wouldnt have since the vampire king#i think it wouldnbe a very slow drag of bonnibel trying to find any humanity left in marceline while marceline for the most part#is convinced its just a game. how close can she let bonnibel get (physically) before she cracks and its a game of#how close she can get emotionally#the entire time bonnibels life is DEEPLY in peril because i still dont think after 996 years marcline would like. have a super firm Grasp#on mortality like as a concept. she would and she wouldnt. shes never cared about someone who could die (ie: bot herself)#sorry im in a mood today
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