#and im really struggling with coming to terms with that
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Hello! This is a message to the anon who has been sending very haphazard, messy and increasingly nonsensical hate. They are pretty ew.
Not sure if cringe anon is the same as this one, but if you are, hereās a quick thingy. Sure, Iāve played with your message, adding humour as a lovely way of mockery to you. But there is a line to be drawn, Iām fine with you making snarky comments. I make snarky comments, but I draw the line when you start insulting whole groups of race. Andā¦.insulting us with the most generic types of comments.
Seriously?
That is the most ridiculous pseudo hate ever.
Iāll remind you that the term āasiansā include Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Thai, Viet, Malaysian, Singaporean, Filipino, Indonesian, Saudi Arabian, Indian, Bhutanese, Pakistani, Lebanese and so many more groups of people.
Youāre gonna have to be the most dumb, blind and ignorant piece of filth if you think all of those groups of people look the same. If you really believe that, youāre bigoted and ill informed.
Also. OF COURSE SOME GROUPS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE A COMMON ANCESTOR LOOK THE SAME, OH MY GOD THE STUPIDITY!
And if you are part of Asia and youāre gonna whine like āI was just making a joke!ā This is not a joke if it hurts people, yes this is a popularised statement but to many people, it is not funny. It is only a joke when EVERYONE is laughing. So shut up about that.
And then here
ā¦.thatās just so wrong.
First of all, Iām ethnically Chinese, which means my great grandparents originally came from china. I was not born on the mainland, nor was my parents, nor was my grandparents. And where I am currently living, consumption of dog meat is illegal. Even in China, the amount of dog meat consumption is drastically decreasing.
That is an old, outdated, stereotypical, insulting way to refer to Chinese people. Not only that!
You also might refer to people from Cambodia, India, Indonesia, Ghana, Laos, Vietnam, Nigeria and Switzerland. Unless youāre saying Iām from all of those countries, your statements makes no fucking sense.
Iāll wrap it up, in the end, I may laugh, joke around, make fun of such comments, but I draw the line when it could potentially hurt bigger groups of people.
My blog is a place to talk to my friends, Iāve made many good ones here, Mireya, Zahrawr, Tanaka, Jeah, Riyana, God, Tamanna, Etc
To all of you, Iām very grateful for getting to meet you.
To this Anonymous person: if you come out and say āoh itās just a jokeā or reveal that you are Asian too, shame on you. Out of all people, you should know how bigoted and disgusting those statements are. If you arenāt asian, even worse. Youāre a stupid, ignorant and pathetic piece of shit who thinks itās okay to send these types of messages. You disgust me.
Moving on, I will not tolerate any more of these types of posts, I will be deleting them on sight. I wonāt be turning off anon, since there are lovely anons who like to send nice messages. But I will not be posting anymore of these stupid, idiotic and hateful comments, especially that could potentially hurt a large number of people.
Fuck off, leave all these people alone, leave me alone, this is not a joke, itās not okay to be spout this bullshit so freely.
Update: Iāve blocked anon ;)))
If this turns out to be anyone Iāve tagged, I will be very very disappointed in you.
@jeahreading @tamanna-and-her-struggles @shinchansbitch @im-on-crack-send-help @iamgayforyourmom1510 @mentallyunstablequeen101 @momhwa117 @zeherili-ankhein @your-dazzling-sun @schrodinger-ka-billa @abyssmita @cafffeineconnoisseur @byproduct-of-hades @lotuseaterwhowistlesthedark @mireyaaaaaaaaa @circe-butbetter @mi-stress-of-chaos @lyrebirb @depressed-bi-twerking @hershey-not-the-chocolate-maybe @lesbianpoetess @unhinged-as-hell @debacleofdaemons @sunshinerainbowsandlollipops @celesteablack @evry1h8s-me @transienctly-translucent @priimadonnna
#ps#if i do receive anymore of these and they start being threats I can and will turn off the anonymous features#fuck you anon#fuck off and fuck you#i would be lying if i said I wasnāt pissed#because Iām pissed and annoyed#way to start the day huh???#leave everyone alone#and if you are one of us you seriously disappoint me#I hope you shut up and take some reflection time#anyways anyone whoās reading this and triggered Iām so sorry#i love yall/plat
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i do feel like i would've been better off being born in a different country, even if it would be detrimental to me in other ways.
#dook dook#(? whimper whimper ?)#i dont really know how to word it#especially without sounding like a whiny american who doesnt know whats going on#because i am.#but idk.#it sucks knowing i wouldve been an A-B student in a trillion other countries.#but i was a C-D student instead#and americans put a LOT of expectation on young adults for making sure you are overwhelmed and overworked and burnt out#and im really struggling with coming to terms with that#like i know its not better anywhere else#and could be worse even#but i just wanna live somewhere that i can just be like.. a person#and not a cog in the fucking machine#because i am not good at being a cog#i intentionally flunked high school (though somehow i got lucky and have my diploma)#but i cant get into school without doing a BUNCH of work that couldve been avoided if i didnt do that#and im trying not to already give up on this job#and just halfass everything#if even that#but :')#like yea i probably have better opportunities compared to people who dont live in the US#but i hate it here#but i dont know anything else too#ughhhh
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MAN I'm seriously so sad about season 2. Bc I wish act 2 had the same emotional impact on me as it appears to have on so many others. But rn I'm just somewhere between unable to care and actively annoyed by some of those writing decisions. Seriously the more I think about it the less I like it.
#act 3 come through please š#I don't think it can salvage some of the things I have contentions with but still... please...#don't ask me about the silco vander flashback with jinxs + vis mom#or the bizzare choice to do so much of the storytelling through this weird music video format they've got going on#completely stripping it of the weight these plot beats could've had if they were... normal scenes#and also missing the point of how the music was used in season 1 and what made it so effective#bc it was complementary to instead of replacing the storytelling#seriously don't ask me about these things I will spontaneously implode on the spot#whyyyyy would they recontextualize season 1 like this with that flashback#to me it kind of ruins the character dynamics and themes in s1. it just makes me so sad you have no idea#also what even are they doing with Jinx rn for real#aaarghhhh just... so many things that are making me scratch my head#also I'm so terribly sorry but I could not care less about Isha sorry lol#like i get that its sad conceptually but she was such a non-character that i struggle to feel impacted at all#same with sky tbh. i thought her role in s1 was alright but there is so much emotional weight put on her now#in terms of her relationship to Viktor but that was barely established so it's weird to have her around#and clearly you're supposed to care but they haven't given me much reason to#isha and sky were non-characters just there to die to further the development of other characters#they didn't really have anything going on on their own and that's just a type of character and plot device that does nothing for me#also i thought the war between zaun and piltover + internal struggles in zaun bc silcos gone would be the main focus#but that stuff seems so sidetracked rn#also sorry i dont like what they did with vander and warwick either. that man should've stayed dead lol#it honestly just makes his death feel less impactful and i dont know what this is supposed to do for the story or the themes???#that just feels like a pointless plotline that is taking up time that could've been spent on other things#i just... i could go on like this for a while like there are so many things that just puzzle me#it's so weird considering how tight and thematically consistent season 1 was#let's see where act 3 goes but... i kinda have a bad feeling about it ngl#obv im glad others are enjoying it and this is just my opinion! also a lot of this are probs just my personal tastes anyway#arcane spoilers
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if I said eisa davis' influence in making lmm actually write something rather radically progressive has subsequently inspired me to return to my roots of actually fucking thinking of making radically progressive musicals after a 3-year long hiatus in doing so, then what-
#thdjdjd i dunno like gjdjd#look warriors did something fucking weird to my brain#it brought me back to when i first was obsessed with WATT when i was 16#and hamilton when i was 13#like it makes me wanna write again#and now with eisa davis proving that Radically Progressive Ideas In Art Can Fucking Work If You Have The Balls#im um#really thinking about going back WHAHAHA#might rework Patron the musical into a concept album idea of sorts#side a being life as a filipino student who learns the ins and outs of activism and ndmos here#side b being their counterpart who is a writer that struggles against being indocrinated by um neo-colonialist capitalist beliefs#all that comes with prolonged exposure to the bubble of privilege in the phililpines#(especially the role that the US capitalism plays in it hahahahaha we haven't forgotten about that)#basically not exactly a princess and the pauper situation but um just two people on different sides of the same coin#and its meant to be an exploration of my experiences in college#both in terms of my activism#and me being made to mind the line at times as a communication student and a writer#its like splitting myself into two and making them butt heads PFFT but yea#and I call it Patron because Side A (Filipino) is inspired from the concept of patron saints ('who dies for us? who do we die for?')#(pronounce side A as PAH-tron with a roll to that R)#and Side B is um what are the privileges and pitfalls of foreign patronage?#(yes this is inspired by um some filipinos being so enamored by socio-economic privilege upon stepping foot in amerca that they forget-#where they came from)#anyways thats ny tiny ramble for today im gonna get back to wofk#personal shit#voila the return of the izzy idea rambles
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for hs4 rollout I would like to manifest sudden, surprise drops
#šÆļøšÆļøšÆļø#want to wake up one morning to a photoshoot a single and the album release date and tracklist#I donāt want to scour the internetās html coding for clues#meaning no eroda or you are home scavenger hunts#maybe itās swiftie style burnout too#i just donāt think harry needs that kind of marketing anymore to get us hyped#we are hyped already but#weāre old and tired and impatient#im going to approach this album era differently in terms of fandom consumption#because i really struggled with fandom and burnout during Harryās house#anywayyyy just thinking about hs4 and how my blog will navigate#hs4 is coming
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Every time I go to a party I'm reminded that it's not that I can't interact with people, it's just not a desire I have :(
#i always feel so guilty when ppl i just met are like wow u seem so cool! because im really not!#im good at masking and making people feel comfortable! its got nothing to do with my personality unfortunately#no version of me is as true as who i am by myself and idk i feel like a fraud for being nice?#ive had many people be disappointed when i just. dont want to hang out#im not a 1 on 1 person i hate being alone with someone#even with people i dearly cherish i just cant find myself comfortable when others are around#and its not about them either i think im just not compatible with social interactions#im not really looking for advice btw like this is just something im coming to terms with#i love people i truly do i just cannot exist properly around them#anyways fat bear supper was really nice :')#the mashed potatoes??? they were so fuckjng good like bro you dont understand#and shoutout to the ppl who made a salmon lasagna that was so good as well#friends played a beautiful beautiful song they made (if they end up putting it on spotify ill share it here its about a cow named Margot)#anyways i guess soft reminder you never know what people are struggling with regardless of how functioning they appear#(mashed potatoes recipe is as follow: unpeeled potatoes#+whole milk+butter+rosemary+thyme thats it thank u)
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sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because Iām an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told youāll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or āsing with the girlsā and then only be able to match male voices because youāre a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I canāt think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because Iām an adult whoās more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because theyāre like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because thatās me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with āgirlsā just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You canāt hit the mark for āgirlā. Youāll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesnāt hurt! But nooo instead theyāre looking or āsing with the other girlsā and you fucking canāt#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and arenāt on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. Itās like weāre all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they wonāt get it is āgirlā#and itās like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! Youāre GIRL. So youāre doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after thatā¦ showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because Iām greedy and I want what I couldnāt have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Havenāt had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize weāre somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the āwrongā voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And Iām otherwise GLAD to be confusing#Iāve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole āwhat am Iā presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lionās lair
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tonight in class we had to pair up w a classmate and talk abt our positionality in doing community engaged work and i got paired w my carpool who is a 50something yr old mom whose kids are slightly older than i am and i told her abt how im bi but my experience of coming out to my family was so damaging that it forever fucked my ability to be vulnerable with ppl / not hesitate in being my true full self even when it has nothing to do w my sexuality and. š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹ she told me that she recently realized sheās bi too and she hasnāt told anyone yet even her kids and she showed me sheās going to these meetup groups for lesbians and bi women and she showed me all the ebooks sheās reading that are wlw love stories and she told me i need to start doing affirmations and she showed me her journal and all the things she does for self care like buying herself flowers every week just because she can. and i havenāt thought about it too much since she dropped me off at home but its just hitting me now and it kinda makes me want to cry thinking about it. her kindness took my breath away. im not alone!
#purrs#i mean i knew i wasnāt alone but like. to hear this wonderful beam of light of a woman talk abt how she too is figuring out her sexuality#and is shy witb it and struggling just like meā¦ and for her to be so kind like that.. im just overwhelmed by it really. especially this time#of year bc it was just national coming out day which will forever be one of the most painful days of my life lawl š¤ she doesnāt know the#full story but even for her to be like so firmly passionately like.. how you are treated was wrong. and for her to be IMMEDIATELY vulnerable#like thatā¦. god. i feel kind of weird being more āexperiencedā than her in some ways like just in terms of being semi-out and knowing that I#like girls for most of my life whereas for her itās only been in the last few months thst sheās known. but like.. wow!
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said āi hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.ā#ābecause the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.ā#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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84 years later, I'm finally admitting the second A word out loud. happy pride month to me
#coming to terms w not being alloromantic has been a very long internal struggle#and i still haven't fully gotten there#especially when i donāt think I'm fully aro either#I'm not really concerned with where i fall on the aro spectrum. admitting/figuring out im (probably) (somewhere) on there at all is enough#but i think it's finally time to alter the all-knowing Tumblr Bio#which as we all know is where the most important and accurate information about yourself is stored#aroace lesbian
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that post is so true but i didnt want to add to it anyways people want you to be okay with shit they wouldnt be okay with and also will get angry at you for not going out of your way for them in ways they never have and never will for you and the absolutely most hilarious people dont care about what youre going through until theyre in the same situation and suddenly its real
#everyones a hypocrite really but like its so much more common than you think esp if you assume everyone is good#im coming to terms with the fact that most people will choose to be good when given the right circumstances and convenience#but the reality is most people exist for their own comfort. whatever that comfort is yours only matters because it contributes to theirs#its not a reason to not be a better person but it is a reason that when im struggling like i am now i am genuinely in physical danger#this shit just makes me suicidal and it makes me want someone to prove me wrong#and no one ever will because they have their own shit to worry about and i am not a priority#daily emo post but yeah. thats where im at#also people will see you insanely depressed hollow with lifeless eyes and be like you should get a new job#you should get new glasses you should fix your phone you should do xyz#idk maybe you should give me a reason to believe that yall cannot live without me because i havent fucking existed in years#maybe i should leave all my shit where i am rn and walk whatever direction until im lost forever#daily thoughts i have that i communicate and its just not a big deal dont worry dont change anything at all
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ok question if hypothetically I were to make a html + css template for making custom pokƩmon teams (cough such as for OCs cough) in the Bulbapedia widget style, would anyone else be interested in using it? if so I will go into this trying to write it as an actual decent template
#from the writer's den#void talks#this will mainly be regarding input options but also impact how many types I would need to template out#since if I just do my own ocs I can get away with ignoring a ton of type combos etc#since a ton of types are only very barely represented#e.g. delta's lucario is the only fighting type I think#diana's gabite is the only ground type#zeta's togekiss and universe's walking wake are the only fairy types#(and tbh thats assuming I keep universe's team as it is.)#but like there's fully NO rock types here#nor bug#ice is rep'd only by triste's weavile and zeta's lapras#and like. do those really count as ice types#death has a chandelure and oscar has houndoom but those are the only fire types#if gengar werent a poison type (which lbr why the fuck is it poison) then the only poison type would be delta's roserade#and the only reason there's a reasonable electric type rep is because of karyn#anyway point being there's a serious overrepresentation of dark ghost and psychic#like actually#anyway. im rambling but you get the point. uneven distribution.#all these teams are skewed as hell in this own ways.#the only person whose team is even slightly balanced is oscar's.#and even then it's only because his team includes electric + grass + fire types#and at least one fairy type move for coverage#but like. other than that. all these teams have at least one MAJOR flaw#delta's comes in second in terms of type spread but gets hard walled by a singular good fire type#what with her two dual steel types and her two grass#with only gallade and meowstic (both with mostly status / defensive moves) not weak to fire#karyn has good offensive coverage bc her vaporeon knows both shadow ball and ice beam but it's still not Great#what with her defensive type chart being water / electric+psychic / electric / water (again) / electric+flying / water+flying#at best she clears ground types with vaporeon and struggles through a competent grass specialist with kilowattrel
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sitting at the kitchen table doing fuckall rn might do my makeup for fun in my tiny handheld mirror. should i
#i did it yesterday to test if my old makeup still works (it does) but these days i reeeeally struggle with makeup. in the sense that im fina#lly pretty settled with my whole gender situation AND ive come to realise the Horrors of the beauty industry and stuff so im kind of . well#im not sure on the english word for it but its whatever Peleada is in english. quarreled i guess with doing my makeup#cuz i used to do it every day for college but then i stopped and realised how pressured i felt into not going out makeupless. but now its#really funny cuz i NEVER wear it so my friends arent used to seeing me with it on#so i guess i see it as more of an add-on now as opposed to a mask or something. idk IDK!!!!! but im still coming to terms with my whole#masc status so hmmm. save me 60s 70s drag#like i want it to be a drag act but no matter what people will STILL see me as a girl. makeup or no makeup. masc or femme its like i will#never escape from that :/#emi's meandering jotts#wellll im gonna do it anyway whatever. i dont want my makeup to go bad and waste away so! considering this a use-up event#im not gonna wear it out anyway sooo ^_^#sorry for the huge spiel. its just me thinking out loud to be honest
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Genuine question, does anyone want to hear about naruto from the prospective of a Liberian person grappling with the generational trauma of a brutal civil war or is that too heavy??
Like there's, I like sasuke cause he's a cool dude, very wholesome do tell, and then there's, I like sasuke cause the government also tried to eradicate my people group that one time and holding empathy for that dumbass kid teaches me to examine a my own experiences with compassion, honestly what a downer like who cares.
I don't know thoughts???
#do i even wanna speak on it#maybe i should just rewatch pray the devil back to hell give my dad a hug and tell him how proud i am of him#on second thought#maybe we should go the naruto route#like i promise their are a lot of wacky connections between the warfare in naruto and the liberian civil war#general butt naked eating hearts kakuzu also eating hearts#Samuel doe ( may he rest in pieces in someones digestive track while his soul burns in hell) and danzo#the thing i like about connecting fandom to my life is that it teaches me thing that provide empathy in spaces where it did not naturally#exist but the thing is i dont want to have empathy for a lot of those hos and i think thats valid actually#i think its important to bring our personal live into fandom though cause its all we really have#idek i think it would be best to keep the real world seperate from fandom in this case but#my dad just completed a trip to Liberia for the first time in 30 years (round of applause pls) for the first time since the war has ended#a confilct that started when he was my age (younger actually) and ended a month after my birth and has left so much instability who knows#if its ever really over#were all struggling to come to terms with the Liberia left behind by those events the family and friends we leave behind#and i feel like it would be easier to talk project it all onto stupid lil alien ninja wars instead of talking about it irl#i love sasuke cause i deeply relate to his struggle even though im a generation removed#but i feel like this fandom would not be receptive to the way i would disscuss his character if i made that connection in an analysis#so maybe ill just stew in my emotions a little longer and when i go back to Liberia this summer wth the fam ill decide weather to make#that post or not onece and for all#no that'll be perfect actually cause then i'll be able to make it a post for liberian independence day#ughhh like i don't be wanna talk about it irl but i don't feel this would be a good outlet either#naruto commentary in relation to the liberian civil war sounds like a dope essa but should i write it???#probably not but we'll just have to see#thoughts feelings opinions?? any other Liberian naruto fans on here??? pleas siblings put some sense in me#naruto#not naruto#god i don't even wanna make this post lets see how long she stays up#im writing too many naruto analysies rn anyways lemme worry about that first
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*nervous laughter*
#really struggling to stay up for more than 10h in a day#took more than a year to come to terms with this maybe cfs and maybe it affects thenrest of my life#but they SAY cfs doesnt get worse over time and i am def getting worse over time#so idk if what they say is wrong or if this is not cfs and something is slowly devouring me#im so tired#so so tired#:(
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#i was rereading thru my last dyslexia assessment and its really interesting. i took it 5 years ago#which is before i really figured out how to be a person and it does match a lot of my struggles#as u might expect. like very very bad short term memory and delay in ability to call words to the surface#the last one might explain why i constantly struggle to find the words im looking for. and obviously my ability to read and spell are very#bad as well. but they dont actually drill down on why. its weird. theyre screening for problems but dont ask what the problem looks like#from my end. like my eyes dont track well across a page and i find it it difficult to read passages because my brain is constantly#interupting me with unrelated thoughts and daydreams. and you woudlnt kno that from reading this report. makes me wonder how nuanced an#understanding of dyslexia we actually have. i should read dyslexia papers bc i find it really interesting#it also makes me kinda sad bc the person assessing me made notes like: very attentive and focused. obviously anxious when under assessment#like aw poor anxious freak lol. i also clearly did not fucking understand what they were asking on the executive function assessment#bc i answered that i had no problems there and i clearly have problems with just about everything asked abt and i kno i did then as well#it must have been academicly originated and like i can do school. im good at school. but everything else is a disaster#to clarify. i wonder how much assessment of how dyslexia is experienced when assessments are just looking got indications that#its happening. bc if u kno its there as a teacher it doesnt really matter what it looks like to u. but i personally find it v interesting#and im sure brain ppl do to. id do a dyslexia brain study. come at me neurologists#also questions like: r u able to stay organized? me: of course! i only exist in like 3 locations so even if i lose things theyre easy to#find in the massive disorganized pile of things i leave behind#its very funny to me reading that report as i take these measurements where my workspace looks a disaster and im constantly losing my pen#and forgetting what i need to do. then suddenly remembering. like can i stay focused? yes. i stay so focused that i burn my brain to dust#ay ay ay. at least i still feel ok abt my measurement taking. tho my ability to sleep is already in decline so im sure that wont last long#bc thats how it goes. an up mood where maybe i wanna run around in circles screaming a bit but its all good. not getting a ton of sleep and#doing too much. then burning out and losing stability. pulled forward by my own compulsive thoughts#but for now were good. and someday ill do a dyslexia deep dive bc i really really wanna kno but also i cant read which makes learning hard#when u want academic info lol#unrelated
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