#and its really hard but. if i dont do the laundry i wont have clothes

[riotwizard]

if you dont do the laundry you dont have clothes😔

All good children's fiction says you are going to have to shoulder responsibility even if you don't want it.

[5-htagonist]

god damn im so happy rn... ill stick it under a readmore bc its about food and my appetite idk if it would be triggering also this turned into more of a diary entry than anything lol My Blog My Rules though

i made curry last night and im really happy because ive been having a lot of trouble eating and Making myself eat, on top of being really erally really broke so we havent had much food in the house thats just Ready To Go consistently.. like, we always have oats, but we dont always have milk, and i cant eat them with water.. or we have ham but we run out of bread, or all i want are fruits and leafs but we cant really keep anything except apples/oranges/grapes because they dont go bad before we finish them, or bananas cause they arent really ruined if theyre overripe you just throw them in the freezer. so we cant get salad materials.

if i try to just shove calories in my body and i dont like it i wont finish it. like i will feel full until i stop trying to make myself eat it. and this isnt even just when adderall affects my appetite.

then, on top of all that, i know if i eat i have to do dishes. my husband usually does them, but hes been going through a really bad time for the past couple months too, plus we only moved out july 2023, and before that his mom had been Divorced outta the house earlier that year iirc plus id been living there since july 2022, so his brain and nervous system has felt safe enough for the ptsd recovery stage for nearly 2 years. and he gets hit really hard with seasonal depression, and he has adhd too. he typically does dishes, i typically do laundry. the problem is its easier to wear the same clothes for a few days, or rewear laundry that isnt rancid, or wear ill fitting clothes that have been shoved to the back of the dresser, but its hard to wash a dish when the sink is full and the kitchen is overwhelming.

so, to avoid having dirty dishes, i wont eat. whats worse, is i was insanely stressed over school for like 3 weeks. all the stress i should have had this semester hit me really bad all at once. when im that stressed, i cant think about anything relevant to maintaining myself-- especially not maintaining neutral-positive self talk and constructive self esteem. which means i shut down if anyone needs anything from me real or imagined. which means i cant be there for my husband and make sure he eats and check in on him. so all this stupid shit just feeds into itself. ive had more s/h urges than ive had in years i think, and not even in response to anything extrinsic.

my goofy ass got drunker than i usually do super quick the other night, it wasmy husbands birthday party. i cleaned up the apartment super nice since mostly my stuff was strewn everywhere and did the dishes. i didnt eat all day and i think i had like, one inadequate meal the day before. so i was exhausted after cleaning, our roommate ordered pizza and i ate and passed out for 3 hour nap. by the time i got up everyone was already at Least buzzed. my brother in law got a mom call and my husband (drunk) was like Hey. Give me the Phone.. tell her i wanna talk... because she LOVES being upset that her kids are having a good time and feels the need for Hour Phone Call when and where she wants it, and my BIL is an adult but they dont treat him like one, so hes still really deep in feeling trapped in these trauma responses.

this i think is what really got me, other than not being on my full dose of adderall so my emotional abilities were compromised lmao. i was tryingto tell my husband i love him, because i was leaving to weed store, and he was getting triggered while drunk, so he was annoyed i was interrupting the call and i didnt get my byebyehugnkiss. not to mention they were being really loud earlier. so now i feel bad. i get back immediately down 2 shots (3 shots is where i am Comfortably Drunk) and share a j actually post cancelled kendrick just dropped. the point was that i got too drunk and started hitting myself on the head and crying in the kitchen floor lol but who cares about that KENDRIIIIIIICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

[michaelmyersthestabbyboi]

My mom's only been home for like an hour maybe but she's yelled at me, slammed a door in my face, and said some stuff passive aggressively. I hate this house

[with-love-from-hell]

Asmo comforting a Chubby!Mc who is self-conscious about their body

Request by @theorriginalolivejar​

“...I present to you a chubby GN mc x Asmo where MC is self conscious about their body and Asmo comforts them over it. You could even make it so they've been self conscious for a while and started wearing baggier/looser clothes that Asmo can't stand...or something along those lines... The main things I want is fluff/comfort, a chubby GN Reader, and the same vibe as the last mc you had...”

Yet another glorious request. I hope I once again did you justice!!! I love me a chaotic Mc and just HAD to write another! You played right into my hand! >:) This is a bit different from the Body Image Series, but still in the same realm, so I will link to that HERE if anyone wants some more comfort-type stuff relating to body image!

Genre: comfort, fluff,

Mc characteristics: Gender neutral (they/them pronouns), chubby, slightly chaotic

WC: ~1.7k

Cw: poor body image, negative self talk, swearing

The past week at RAD had been very hard for you. The insecurities that would sometimes bubble up in your subconscious have started haunting you again, and it’s been really hard to stay focused on anything other than how much you hate the way you look. You’ve been distancing yourself from everyone, and they’ve definitely all noticed some changes in your demeanor. 

It all started when a pair of your favorite jeans ripped right in the damn crotch (If you had one Grimm for every time this happened, Mammon would probably be begging you for money more often). Then, a bunch of your clothes shrunk in the wash when that stupid sorcerer decided to play a prank on you by switching your laundry-detergent with an Elixir of Downsizing. You were so frustrated in the moment that you just threw the clothes away, not thinking that the spell could just be undone. Now, you were left only with some of the clothes that hide in the back of your closet because you never wear them- many of them you don’t feel the most confident in. 

You often go shopping for clothes alone, so you don’t really change that habit in Devildom. After all, you dont want 7 super-hot men standing outside a fitting room while you changed, waiting for you to show off your body.

Or, Well...maybe you do...but not with how you felt in your skin right at this moment. 

As you were trying on new pants in Majolish, you find yourself feeling defeated with all the options that just weren’t working. You found some that fit, but you didn’t like how they looked on you...

This one came down too far below your feet...That one makes you look like you’re going to pick your kids up from soccer practice...Ah shit, this one wont even button up over your tummy because its a hip-riding style...This one- oh! this one looks good- wait. no. it has a weird floral pattern on the ass pockets...god dammit!

Nothing was working! UGH!

You kicked off the pants and put back on the stuff you walked in with. Maybe you’ll just get some clothes that are baggy to just hide your figure...yeah, that will do for now. You were tired of shopping anyway, so you just resided yourself to get some athleisure pants that stretch in the waist, and some shirts that are very clearly meant for someone at least 3 sizes bigger than you. 

You checked out at the register with a way-too-bubbly employee who was determined to get you to join their platinum membership program. You knew she was just doing her job, but for Christ's sake you didn’t want the damn rewards card!

You sulked home in your new ill-fitting clothes. You felt like shit, but you felt better than you would if you’d have kept trying on clothes. It really tanked your self-esteem to try on so many things and have NOTHING work. This happened in the human world too, but at least there were stores specifically dedicated to bigger bodies that had things you knew you liked- even if they were pricy as hell.

Upon entering the House of Lamentation, you were greeted by a squealing Asmo throwing his entire body into your arms. 

You were barely able to catch him with the Majolish bags in your hands. “Ack- Asmo! Warn me next time, will ya?” 

He noticed the bags in your hands and scrunched his face at you- almost like a 5 year old who had been told they can’t have ice cream for dinner. “Mc! Did you seriously go shopping without me!?”

You sighed and dropped him out of your arms. He barely caught himself, clearly not expecting you to let go. This was a bad move though, because now he started whining at you in that tone...you know, the one that just pushed every single one of your buttons at the same time...which was something you really didn’t need right now. 

“uuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhh.” He groaned dramatically. “Mc!! Why don’t you ever take me with when you go shoppinnnngggg.” 

You sighed in frustration. “Asmo, I have told you a bajillion times that I don’t like shopping for clothes with other people.” 

He crossed his arms and pouted at you, continuing the child-like attitude. “Bajillion isn’t even a number.” 

You rolled your eyes and pushed past him. Despite his brattiness, you did really love Asmo to pieces...But right now you just wanted to be alone. 

Asmo was only pretending to be mad at you, but he noticed how short you were with him and he grew worried. Did something happen? He tailed you up the stairs, following you to your room. As he followed, he noticed what you were wearing. Why on earth were you wearing such unflattering clothing? It was so huge on you??? You definitely would look better in something he would pick out...if you’d just take him with.

“Mc, wait! is this what you bought from the store?” He pulled at the back of your shirt causing you to stop and turn to him. 

“Yes, it is. I couldn’t find anything that fit me so...” You stretched the shirt out in your hands as you spoke, a sadness evident on your face

Asmo scrunched his face again and shook his head. “This is why you need to take me with you. I would find the perfect outfits.” 

You sighed and started walking again. You really weren’t in the mood. 

“Seriously!” He jogged to your side to keep pace with your quick movements. “I just want to help!”

“What if I don’t want your help?!” you snapped at him, stopping outside your bedroom door.

Asmo was taken aback by your sharp words. You usually weren’t this irritable...what was going on with you? And besides, who wouldn’t want his help? He was the most fashionable demon in all of Devildom after all. 

You rolled your eyes once more and entered your room.  Asmo caught your door right as you were about to shut it in his face and barged his way into your room. You groaned. “Asmo, I really just want to go to sleep. Can you please just leave me alone?”

He plopped down on your bed and crossed his legs, the familiar playful pout sprouted on his face. “Make me."

You pinched the bridge of your nose. He truly was insufferable sometimes. Finally you caved.

“Fine, you can stay, but I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” You flipped off your light and curled up into yourself under your covers.

Asmo remained seated at the edge of your bed. He glared at your lump your body made out of the bed sheets. he didn't understand why you were acting this way, but figured it had something to do with how crappy you've been feeling the whole week. He had caught you hiding your body more than usual in blankets or by using your arms to shield your tummy when you were lounging around the house. Maybe you were just feeling insecure...

Then, a light bulb seemed to appear over his head. Oooo he had the perfect idea.  

Asmo flew out your door in a rush. He needed to get to Majolish before they close!

----------------------------------------------

You awoke early the next morning to Asmodeus pile-driving onto you.

“Oof-” He knocked the breath right out of you. You knew he probably was mad that you didn’t hang out with him last night, but fuck. "Asmo, for the love-"

“Goooood morninnnggg.” He cooed, twisting a strand of your hair with his index finger. A wide mischievous smile spread across his lips. “I have a surprise for my favorite-est most beautiful-est human!” 

You stared at him, deadpan, with your eyebrows raised. “What the heck are you talking about? And why are you talking to me like that?”

“Well!” He smiled even wider. “I figured that if you didn’t want me to go to the store with you, I’d bring the store to us!” 

Your eyes widened. What the fuck was he going on about, now?? 

He leaped off of your bed and pulled you by the arm, trying to get you up to come to his room. you sighed and decided to humor him. You did really miss spending time with him last night, after all.

As you entered his room, you gasped at the sheer amount of clothing that was...well, frankly it was everywhere.

"Asmo, what...why?!" You spun to face him, awestruck.

He let out a high-pitch giggle. "Isn't it glorious!!! We can have a shopping day all to ourselves! Anything you don't like, I'll go return. Don't worry, I got some stuff for me too!"

You finally shook yourself out of your daze. "Jesus Asmo, you really have lost it haven't you?"

He clicked his tongue and pulled you onto his bed by your hand. He looked deeply into your eyes and spoke with complete sincerity. "Mc, I am truly worried about you. You don't look happy, and you've had this sour mood all week. I heard about Solomon's shitty prank and I know that you have a hard time shopping for clothes because you feel bad about yourself."

You tensed. "It's fine Asmo, really." What a lie.

He shook his head. "Its not. And I want to help you feel good about yourself. So I took the liberty of blocking out your whole day to try on clothes with me. Just us two. No one else!"

You hesitated, hiding your stomach with your arms. "I don't know Asmo...I really don't like trying on clothes in front of other people...besides, how did you know what size to get?"

He sighed and seemed to ponder for a moment. "Ok, how about this! You try one outfit. And if I can't convince you that you're the most beautiful thing in the whole world, then we can stop."

You eyed him. He had a genuine smile on his face, and a desperate plea was evident behind his eyes. You finally gave him a smirk back. "Are you gonna try to make me join a reward program if I lose?"

He cackled at your joke. Asmo was elated to see that your usual light-hearted self was back. He ushered you to his bathroom, where he had set up a curtain rod for easy access. He told you to wait while he dug through some of the clothes in his room. He tapped his chin thoughtfully before finally picking out a purple blouse and a pair of black skinny jeans to go with it.

"Here!" He announced, shoving the garments into your hands.

You eyed them suspiciously. "I dont know..."

"Just try 'em!" he winked at you before turning and closing the curtains behind him. He plopped down on his bed and excitedly fidgeted with his scarf while he waited for you.

You were surprised at how much you liked the blouse. It was flowy, but it didn't drown you...and wow...how was it that the jeans hugged your curves in the just the way you wanted them too?? You had spent so long looking for high rise skinnies at Majolish- how the hell did Asmo find them?!

You looked at yourself in the mirror for a bit before nervously turning toward the curtain. You took a deep breath before stepping out sheepishly.

Asmo jumped up and ran to you, having you do all sorts of turns, lifting your arms, and stretching out your legs. He stepped back with his fingers over his mouth and a puzzled look on his face, as if he was calculating something in his head.

"Hmm...thats odd." He muttered to himself, pretending to furrow his brow, but clearly hiding a smirk.

You felt yourself grow nervous at his behavior. "Wh-what is it?"

He then moved his hands from his face, and replaced his expression with one of pure joy. "I can't seem to find a single thing wrong with the way you look in this outfit. Wanna know why?"

You stared at him blankly.

He giggled at your confused reaction. "Because you're perfect, Silly!" He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into a tight hug. Suddenly, you felt yourself lifted off the floor as he twirled you around in his arms.

How...unexpected?

He set you down, giggling like an idiot. "I almost couldn't keep a straight face when you came out. You look absolutely stunning! Please tell me you like it!!"

You blushed. "I...yeah. I do like it."

He clapped his hands rapidly and jumped up and down. "Does this mean you'll try on more?!"

You smiled at him. "Well...Maybe you had a slight point about me needing your help."

He hugged you again, and immediately went searching for more clothes to give you. By far, it was the best shopping experience you've ever had. There were few- if any- things you didn't like out of the clothing Asmo picked out for you. And every time you stepped out to show him a new outfit, he gushed about how good you looked in it. Your confidence was boosted by 100%.

Your day couldn't have started off any better, and when you finally picked the outfits you were keeping for your new wardrobe, Asmo was satisfied. You both ended you day just as good. In order to prank Solomon back, Asmo put cursed hot-pink hair dye in his shampoo that wouldn't come out unless he gave you an apology.

[obsessive-ego]

Hot and sweaty

Anyone else hate hot weather and get super sweaty?

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Warning nsft

Voyeurism, masterbation

You come home sweaty and beej has a thing for that smell

You hated summer, you hated the heat, unfortunately your home town was known for its gross summers, it was hot, heavy, and muggy. Running errands openly sucked on days like this, you didnt drive, and the grocery store was only 2km from your home, which was fine during any other time.

The Deetz have asked you to "babysit" beetlejuice while they were on a vacation, the maitlands also pleaded this so they could have some alone time, you didnt mind, you enjoyed the demon's presence, and he yours, ever since you sucker punched him after a jump scare gone wrong, he became very clingy to you.

You were walking back home after retrieving misc groceries and snacks for movie night with Beej, unfortunately today was one of those hot and muggy days, you could feel the sweat rolling down your back, you felt so gross, hopefully you can steal some time to yourself and shower when you got home. Beetlejuice was already there, you summoned him this morning, but realized shortly after you still had adult things to do, he pouted about it, like usual, but shit needs to get done, that's how it is for the living.

Heading up to your apartment you felt sorta relieved, you felt so slimy and gross form the heat, but you were home.

Unlocking the door and heading inside to you small apartment, before you could even take your shoes off the bags you were carrying were gone, and you were pulled into the tight, cold embrace, of your undead friend.

The sudden temperature drop made you sigh in contentment, you weren't exactly the touchy feely type, but this was nice.

"Happy to see me doll? You missed me that much in the hour you were gone? Glad to see we're on the same page sugar" he laughs

You pull away, obviously embarrassed

"Where did you put my bags?" You sigh, finally removing your sneakers

"Away, dont worry about it" the ghoul pauses before leaning in close and taking a deep breath through his nose. "You smell different, stronger"

Your deodorant must have crapped out on you, you sigh, you probably smelled really bad, you could feel your shirt clinging to you back with how sweaty you were.

"Sorry, it's just really hot out and-" your babbling was interrupted with Beej leaning in closer, mouth practically against your ear.

"You smell really good sweet heart" he purrs, you flinch and move away out of panic.

For once his flirting and your reaction wasnt followed by his awful cackle, looking back he had that awful smug smirk he always wore when he got a rise out of you, but also the electric pink hue mixed in with the green mess of his hair, was he actually serious?!

Regaining yourself, you take a deep breath "I'm gonna shower okay? Please-"

You were interrupted by the snap of him fingers "Please Mr Beetlejuice, would you like to join me and scrub my back~?" You cover your mouth at that.

Beetlejuice laughs "I would love to doll, but I ain't a fan of water, I wouldn't mind watching though" he hollers after you as you had to the washroom.

He was messing with you and he was disgusting, so he probably did like the way your sweaty body smelled, you huff through your nose, you wish he was a tad easier to read, the hair helped, but it only went so far, the man never took anything seriously so he could be almost impossible to read, all you knew was that he liked to mess with you, and despite how awful and gross he could be, you honestly really enjoyed him being around, slipping out of your clothes, you couldnt help but smell you shirt, yup, it was as bad as expected, not to mention a little damp, gross, at least a shower will make you feel better.

Alone in the living room, the ghoul sighs, shame you decided to shower, he thought you were fine the way you were, smelled real good too, he knew how sweaty you got and how good it smelled from digging in your dirty laundry basket, you were the type to work out, so it was no surprise, he just never got to smell it straight from the source, would have LOVED to get to lick your neck and get a good taste though.

Lost in his own thoughts he is brought back with the sound of running water, you were gonna take a shower, you NEVER did that when he was around, and here he was not taking the opportunity.

With a snap of his fingers he was invisible, as much as he hated being invisible, this was an exception. Walking into the bathroom, he sits himself on the sink, your shower didnt have a window door like the Deetz, I was a a normal curtain, but transparent enough where he could see your silhouette. he sighs, content in the little show you're providing, he catches something out of his peripheral vision, your clothes you were wearing when you came in, they were thrown in a little pile on the floor, on top of the pile laided a bright red pair of panties, freshly worn, this was perfect, but the real question was 'would you notice?'. There was a real good chance you wouldn't, there was no way youd put back on your dirty sweet smelling clothes after a shower right? Right, youd probably just toss them in the laundry, it felt like an eternity debating on if he could get away with adding this crown jewel to his collection of cum rags he stole from you, he bit the bullet and took them, praying on your oblivious nature to not notice.

Once the lacy fabric was in his hand he was gone, leaving you to enjoy his new treasure. With a small apartment there really wasnt much places he could hide when you were around so he could tend to his urges, the bathtub was the go to, but that wasnt an option right now. Instead he took the hall closet, the only things it held were a vaccum, a few coats, and a pair of rain boots.

The running water stopped, beetlejuice carefully listened for you, hearing you move from the bathroom to your bedroom to get dressed, at frist he debated should he watch you dress or enjoy his new treasure asap, he chose the panties, the ghoul could watch you dress anytime, but these, fresh off your sweaty body panties, were rare and the opportunity probably wont come again.

With that thought he was set, bringing the crotch of the garment to his nose and inhaling deeply, he let's out a low quiet groan. These were so much stronger then the others, he fumbles with the fly on his pants, eager to free his ever hardening cock. Curious he licks the crotch, pleasantly surprised by the lingering taste of you, he let's out a soft whine, god slash satan he wanted to taste you from the source, but damn this was pretty close. The demon began lazily stroking his cock, your red panties pressed to his face, giving him the ability to both lick and smell them, bucking into his hand, the ghoul couldnt help but imagine you sitting on his face, fresh from a long workout or a walk in the heat, whatever would make you nice and sweaty for him, you would be shouting out how much you loved his tongue while you reached around and jerked him off.

Jerking himself a little faster he mumbles "you like that sugar? Yeah you do, you smell just as good as you taste sweetness, no wonder I call ya sugar~".

The closest was completely illuminated but BJ electric pink hair, he was completely lost in his own pleasure, his heart, if it was still beating, would have stopped completely when he herd you call his name, he completely forgot you were in the other room.

The ghoul had to think fast, get you off his trail until he finished, yes he liked you in a romantic way, soft kisses, dumb jokes, and pound you into the mattress kinda way, and yes he knew you liked him, but he was still unsure of how much, so finding him in his current situation could really ruin what chance he had with you, youd probably be sick to your stomach and banish him for good.

With that in mind he had the perfect little distraction.

You were finally dry and freshly clothed, feeling much more comfortable, wandering around your home looking for the demon who was so eager minutes ago when you walked in. This was odd, Beetlejuice would normally wait infront of the bathroom door or bedroom door when you were doing something private, normally chatting with you, but not this time, it was always worrying when beetlejuice was quiet.

Wandering around you start calling out his nicknames, you stop in your tracks as a little note appearing from no where flutters down in front of you, grabbing it, it was obviously written by Beej, the hand writing alone screamed it.

'Gone scaring, be back soon, love the ghost with the most' you sigh, he must if got bored waiting for you, you shurg it off heading to the living room to play some Nintendo while you wait for him to return.

Assuming that you bought his little note, he returns his attention to your panties, moving them from his face after one last long sniff, he stifles a moan, bringing the cloth to his throbbing cock, wrapping it with your panties. As much as the ghoul wanted to fuck you proper this was a close as he was gonna get for the time being, having his aching cock envelope by your heat would be a dream cum true, but having your fresh scent wrapped around his meat was a close second.

With the image of you moving your sex from him mouth to his cock for a ride, he began stroking himself once again, the image of you bouncing up and down on his cock, shouting out praises and your chest bounces. biting his knuckles while little moans and groans slip out, the demon couldnt help mumbling "you're so good for me Y/N, you like that? You love it dont you?". Bucking hard into his hand, his precum being soaked up by your undies, he knew he wasnt gonna last any longer, the thought of you begging him to finish inside of your pussy was more then enough to send him over the edge, soaking your little red panties with his cum, removing the garment, he cleans up the rest of his mess with the lacy cloth before pocketing it, he'll toss it in the wash later, as much as hed loved to slip it into your underwear drawer in Hope's youd wear them, you weren't that oblivious.

He finishes adjusting himself, straightening out his jacket and sliding his now soft cock back into his pants, the ghoul hums to himself completely content in himself.

Chilling on the couch playing animal crossing you are interrupted but a loud gravely voice "HONEY I'M HOME" glancing up in the direction of his voice the ghoul was next to you in a flash, you flinched at the sudden movement, beetlejuice drapes an arm over you shoulder and pulls you close

"Ya miss me babes? You smell real nice, but I'd rather you be hot a sweaty for me again, I got a few ideas in mind to get ya-" you shove him off

"Haha very funny, keep it up and no home delivery pizza tonight" you tease

Bj frowns for a second before pulling you back into him arms "babes you live for what I do too much to deny yourself the pleasure of my performance" he cackles

As much as you hate to give him the satisfaction, you admit your defeat and agree.

This was gonna be a great week together

[babysizedfics]

*slides you some monopoly money from inside a blanket burrito* one of your finest fluffy concepts please (tip available if it feels like a hug)

thank u for the snack!! *noms the money*

okAy so we know that logan and roman love playing make-believe together

roman for obvious reasons yknow, creative performative dressup

but logan because did you see how eager he was to dress up like sherlock holmes and impersonate a robot in the puppet episode? plus he's a doctor who nerd

my man loves silly pretend play

they somehow manage to make everything into a make believe game

when logan needs to do the laundry but roman is bored, they pretend they are experimental scientists adding different chemicals (detergent and softener) to big subterfuge machines (the washing machine)

i know nothing about science pls dont judge that detail too hard

when roman hasnt been outside all day and logan wants to convince him to go outside they are now archeologists in an excavation site (the backyard) looking for fossils (helping patton deweed the flower bed)

moving onto my other headcanon

roman and logan love playing with building toys together! and will even build with things youre not meant to build with

im talking elaborate grecian inspired architecture built with jenga blocks

(logan loves the history and engineering of it, roman loves the grandness and beauty of it)

and they get k'nex!!! its a toy building thingy

and patton actually bought it for them because he was a tiny little incy wincy ickle bit annoyed that they used all the sugar cubes to create a scale replica of buckingham palace one day when it was raining

and logan wants to adhere to the instructions of course (left) and roman wants to go BIG BOLD UNPRECEDENTED (right)

so of course they reach some sort of compromise that isn't boring but that won't take up half the living room floor and be a safety hazard

logan starts by laying out all of the pieces in categories and in groups of five which makes it easier for roman to picture what he can do with the materials since he is a visual thinker

when they are building it they work together better than they ever have before, theres no arguments, only throwing ideas around

and roman is of course little so he is very excitable and bouncy and usually he is better with the more intricate jobs but logan takes over since roman is just so excited that he's shaking a tiny bit

and roman gets pouty when he can't get a .. long thingy to fit into the..... the corner thingy (shh im not an engineer)

and logan rlly gently takes it and says 'here, little prince. if you pinch it a little' *slots them together* 'it slots in easily'

and roman is like :0

and logan realises roman is actually subconsciously copying him a bit!

so logan will be standing back from their work and scratching the stubble at his chin in thought

then when roman poses a solution, logan looks over and sees that roman is in the exact pose that logan is standing in but the little prince doesnt even notice hes doing it

and internally logan knows its just a subconscious sign that youre comfortable with someone

but it still makes him think about children who copy their parents to learn

and maybe just maybe he squeeze romans shoulder and pulls him into a little half hug before they go back to the build

then virgil wakes up from his afternoon nap!! no he isnt a baby, adult virge just likes sleeping

patton is out running errands so virgil chills in the living room and shyly sits crosslegged to watch them

and romans littleness is just too infectious it doesnt take long before virgil is now baby vee and he's sucking his thumb and reaching to his mama for cuddles

and roman is a bit sad when logan picks vee up and takes him upstairs to get changed because he thinks when they get back lo will be focussed on vee

but when they return with vee all diapered up in his little clothes, logan places him by their feet on the carpet and gives him a smooch on the cheek then stands back up to keep playing with roman!!

and that REALLY excited the little prince so he starts rambling to vee about how cool the roller coaster is gonna be and how him and mom did it together cos roman is a big boy

and logan adds 'and you're very smart'

and romans face splits with a grin 'a-and - and i - and-and im really smart!!!!'

virgil is pretty happy just watching because he has a rattle and honestly that could keep him entertained for hours

but at one point roman needs a piece and they realise vee, being the otter pup he is, has claimed the piece and is holding it protectively to his chest (its been there for half an hour)

and roman really needs it but virgil whines and starts tearing up when roman tries to take it from him

so logan suggests 'vee do you want to help? do you want to be like your big brother?'

and virgils eyes liight up and he bounces in his seat

'roman can you show your little brother how to do it?'

and logan has to lift vee up because he is in too young a headspace to stand on his own, and roman is guiding virgils hands gently to put the piece on (its more roman doing it really)

but roman whispers 'vee i know a really clever secret. you gotta squeeze it a little' *slots the piece in and smiles at virgil* 'then it goes in better!'

and logan has a little moment

because roman listened to him and is replicating logans behaviour and it means that roman is comforted by logan and is trying to do the same for vee

and logan doesnt fricking care anymore he plants a big kiss on romans head

when it's finished they are nervous to see if it works and they pretend they let virgil switch on the motor because hes the baby but its also a bit because logan and roman are nervous that it wont work

but it does!! the little cars go along the whole thing and do cool loopdy loops and all!!

they NYOOM!!!

and they all cheer and have massive smiles because seriously no one is immune to that feeling of satisfaction when the dominoes all tumble or the jenga tower falls or the k'nex cars zoom along the track

and logan looks at how excited roman is and 'you did it little prince!'

and roman chants 'we did it we did it we did it!' and launches at logan for a tight hug

[catspinach]

list of ways i have made my life 1000x easier (as a mentally ill dumbass lmfao hi)

these are probably mostly very obvious and u might have a lot of them buuuuut these are recent accommodations for me and they made me able to function so i thought id share. i just bought a new used monitor on marketplace so thats what prompted this lol

nobodys gonna read this lmfao

2 trash cans in my bedroom! 1 by my bed for when I’m sitting in bed, 1 by my desk for when I’m working at my desk (optional 3rd near door just in case)- this stopped me from just throwing trash on my floor when I cant bring myself to pick my shit up lol

2 laundry baskets! one for worn clothes that aren’t quite dirty yet, one for dirty clothes (both of them easily accessible with no opening closet doors/barriers)- I’ve pretty much stopped throwing all my clothes on the floor and now i’m physically capable of doing my laundry

an extra monitor! I have a larger monitor I just hooked up to my laptop to use dual screens- I just did this and I’m super pumped!! very easy to set up and u can use basically any cheap monitor/tv/etc as long as u have the right cords. Now I can have my online textbooks on my larger monitor (to accommodate to my shit vision lol) while still having assignments open on my laptop. man i wish i did this sooner its rly baller, just for school this is super nice bc online textbooks are so much cheaper than paper but theyre just so fucking annoying to deal w switching tabs

beeper thing idfk. Key finder? stick that shit to your phone, keys, water bottle, remote, whatever u lose often, place the beepers part somewhere in plain sight where u wont touch it (like a hook by your door)-  its literally impossible to lose my keys, i am never 20min late to work anymore due to desperately trying to find my gd keys

hooks by ur door! this ones obvious and common but i put hooks on my bedroom wall and put my glasses/beeper thing whatever/keys on it immediately as i enter my room- the beeper thing is mostly as a backup for my keys bc i rly have an issue with those but I haven’t lost my glasses in so fucking long!! easy/cheap 3M hooks 10/10 recommend

lamp!! already have a ceiling light? put a lamp in ur room too, directly next to ur bed- i would be too lazy to turn off my light before bed so id literally sit on my phone for fucking hours despite being exhausted. now i keep my ceiling light off in the evening and just turn on the lamp and I dont even have to get up its so nice ahhh

alarm clock! (not on your phone) keep it by your workspace, use the alarm for timing tasks- Once i touch my phone i cant get off of it, its really a problem. Also once i start a task i dont stop and thats also sometimes a problem if i have a ton of other shit to work on as well. set alarms to interrupt hyperfocusing on tasks without having to look at your phone and completely stop being productive

shower chair! i dont have one and I dont have a physical disability but i want one so fucking bad- sometimes standing in the shower is hard, especially after a long work day or if ur hungover lmfao. now u dont have to sit on the cold floor like a fucking goblin while u shower, plus it makes washing ur feet easier lol and if anything happens where u actually genuinely need it it’s right there!

a billion water bowls for your pets! of all sizes, just put them all over- ngl i kinda suck at remembering to refill my cats water, but one of them is bound to be filled at a given time. plus it like enriches them or smth bc they have ~options~

a bin for dishes! put that shit in ur bedroom and take it downstairs once a week or so- no more dishes scattered around every surface in ur room! theyre all conveniently in one spot for u to bring to your kitchen when the bin is full

more stuff that doesnt rly fit the format idk im getting tired:

dump the tea u let get cold/water/plant-safe beverages in ur plants soil and now they have ~nutrishune~ also then u can just put ur cup in the bin i mentioned earlier without liquid spilling everywhere and possibly molding

have incense- sometimes my room is smelly bc sometimes im smelly im sorry im disgusting but smoke masks up odors rly well so nobody notices haha epic pogs

get a text to speech extension for ur browser to make it easier to read articles and actually comprehend what ur reading

have a billion pillows. pillows are nice.

have several sets of bedsheets/pillow cases so u dont have to sleep on a bare mattress if u forget to do laundry lol- also if u have a period keep it dark/patterned, and if u have pets keep it a similar color to their shed so its less noticeable

man just buy disposable masks theyre so much easier if u have glasses, ik theyre not ideal for the environment but im not abt to suffer with foggy lenses all day. i take a mask or 2 to bring home every time i see free ones at store entrances so i dont even buy them. plus u dont have to wash them u can just chuck em after a few uses

basically what im getting at is don’t conform to societies standards of living if there's other options that work better for you

[trashbinbackyard]

gilly/mally + neja/yecal go brrrrrrrrr

They go brrrrr when i get up at 2pm

Who cooks?

Both can cook and they take turns, it a huge plus they both happen to like spicy food and Gilly is fine eating vegeterian food few times a week

Both, though Neja does mostly noodles, Yecal does the sauce or any other part that requires more steps than 1. Boil water, 2. Put stuff in boiling water

Who’s the messiest? The cleanest?

If either Gilly might be little messier, but it’s nothing too bad, she keeps her workspace neat but sometimes leaves laundry and piles of clothes here and there

Yecal doesn’t have much so it’s hard to get messy, he keeps his weapons hidden in the house or in a case somewhere. Neja seems like a free spirit that might forget to pick up after herself sometimes 

Who fixes the vehicle after a breakdown?

Call insurance to come pick it up and tow it to a mechanic

They dont have a vehicle but Neja fixes spaceships for a living so we know who would

Living space has a leak! Who fixes it?

Team effort, Mallory with the wrenches and Gilly reading instructions

Neja, in this house the wife does the handiwork and the husband cooks

Who buys the groceries?

Both make a list of what they need and whoever goes to the store has both lists, they take turns

Yecal mostly, though he loves having Neja with him and love messing around the store, just a lil

Going out to eat: Who pays? Who orders the most food? And who has dessert?

They take turns paying, both order just as much food, Mallory bc she’s a big girl and those muscles need fuel, Gilly bc she just loves food, a shared dessert maybe, one plate two spoons you know

They dont go out a lot but when they do its a feast, they’ll probably share a party platter meant for 2-3 people, dessert if they not full/can afford it

Would they go to the beach?

Absolutely, whatever citadel has to offer and when in Nigeria, they can try the beaches of Ireland but the water might be too cold

I doubt outer rim has one, Yecal’s home is hardly a vacation destination, but when they happen to travel somewhere with a beach, absolutely

Who knows how to swim? Who doesn’t?

Both do

I bet Neja does, Yecal... well he knows how not to drown but thats about it

Is someone multilingual? Do they try to teach another language to the other? How does it go?

Gilly speaks Trade, some English and some Igbo, Mallory speaks Trade, English and some Indian and Spanish from what I’ve gathered? They communicate mainly in trade and english, teach each other some fun sayings and pet names, if they’re feeling rowdy then some cusses

They both speak trade and their respective mother tongues, I can see them both teaching the other some perverted stuff and cusses, but also pet names

Any pets? Or plants?

Gilly likes plenty of plants around, no pets

Nope

Baths or showers? Together or separate? Any bubbles or bubble fights?

They take showers together sometimes, nonsexual though, help the other wash the hair and back, or Mal could be the hair guardian for Gilly when it’s a day she wouldn’t wash her hair

They dont have fancy enough of a place to have a bath and saving hot water is a real issue, they take showers together a lot sometimes it gets rowdy, but mostly not, bc then they’d have to shower again

Can they stand silence? Who talks the most? Who talks the least?

Both are chatty, Mal more so than Gilly though, if they dont have anything to talk about then fill the silence with some music

They can stand silence, but would be more comfortable if they talked

Who stays up late? Who sleeps the most? Does the other have to force them to sleep/wake up?

They bot have regular jobs and stick to a schedule on workdays, on weekends/day offs i can see both of them being bit night owls, both go to sleep and wake up just fine on their own

Both stay up late, Yecal basically works at evening and nights, sometimes he has to coax Neja to get up.... the absolute toll it takes

Who is the highest maintenance? Does the other mind?

Both are quite up there when on free time, but they share the bathroom mirror and help the other pick out outfits

Neither really? On special nights Neja might need extra time getting ready but Yecal won’t mind, appreciates how pretty she looks

Vacation ideas: who decides them? Where would they go, if anywhere?

Either’s home countries mostly

They’d explore together, Neja has seen and experienced much more though so Yecal would trust her to pick a destination

Dom/top? Sub/bottom? Any switches?

Gilly would have to take the lead at first, but she’s a sure switch, so when Mallory feels comfortable she can top

They switch, Yecal gets pegged, it is known

Lights on or off? Do they look at each other? Or is someone embarrassed?

Off or very dim at first, Mallory’s a bit embarrassed i’d guess, being inexperienced and all, just tell Gilly is somethings wrong or right

Either way, they’re veteran hos, sometimes look sometimes just can’t, neither is embarrassed in the slightest

Open or closed relationship? Do they sometimes share?

Closed

Closed, but Yecal would be open to a threeway if Neja brought it up (he wont)

[gaygwenpool]

Black Ant and Taskmaster for the ship meme :3c

Hello there oh so anonymous nonnie! :3c Once again under the cut cuz I Ramble… @herbofoo come get your juice too

[ask meme]

Who cooks

Both but more often than not, they just order a pizza or even somethin fancier. Neither of them are particularly good cooks but both of them are also able to eat pretty much anythin…  Though actually, im pretty sure while LMDs can eat, they dont derive any energy out of it so Eric basically runs on unstable Pym particles anyway. (Tasky probably bitches Eric should cook more often then, since they buy the pym pars mostly from Tony’s still considerably bigger paycheck and so technically he is already ‘cookin’ all meals for him) 

Who does laundry and other chores

neither of them, lazy bastards lol. no okay for laundry, its Tasky mostly, again by virtue of Eric bein a robot and not having many actual clothes anymore (he always uses tasky’s metal polish tho) plus who the fuck wears WHITE to a fight like buddy i know its all an ego trip how you fight so well u dont get it dirty but STILL.  

For the chores in general, Tony keeps track of what needs to be done and usually tells Ant to fix it cuz buddy’s too dumb and disorganized to do it on his own. And then Eric usually makes ants help him out.  

How many children do they have:

none and aren’t plannin any! Eric is still terrified of fatherhood and Tony just.. couldnt care less, neither of them really want to fuck up some poor kid that didnt sign up for it… But Tasky still trains his henchies, not as extensively as he used to but every year he has several “courses”, he loves that and slowly Eric started to enjoy it too. They stay in touch with quite a few of them.

But well, technically there is Finesse. In fact, Tasky keeps tabs on how she is doing and sometimes they even hang out, but not that often, again mostly for Jeanne’s benefit. They started keeping in touch more, slightly before she joined A.I.M. and while Tasky would have been happier if she stuck to the merc life, he can see she’s happier with Nadia and other G.I.R.L. scientists so hey, he’s glad girl’s makin her own way. 

Who’s more dominate:

Me on the mysteleon ask - no one, its a beautiful equal partnership Me on taskant - Tony lol. 

I mean it’s definitely not as unbalanced as their were in the Initiative! But Tony is just.. used to lead. :’D And Eric for sure doesnt mind! That post with “going legally braindead when S/O picks you up” is ...relevant. 

Favorite nonsexual activity:

Whatever they feel like at the moment, mostly just dicking around, lmao! They love partying and drinkin and just havin a good time with clubbing, singing their lungs off at karaokes, all that night life stuff! But also simply chillin at home with a bag of doritos and a cheesy romcom marathon or video games. Or enjoying the perks of luxurious life by shopping for ridiculously overpriced dumb stuff and robots and Weapons. And well sparing can be fun too or goin to pick up a fight with some strong villains/heroes so Tasky can renew his repertoire (that’s not that often though, more often he scores them a job so he can have fun, renew his repertoire AND get paid.) 

Their favorite place to be together:

It really ties with what i’ve said in the last bullet point so the Bar With No Name is really a strong contestant, you can get everythin there booze, food, music, karaoke, friends, jobs and sometimes even a workout when heroes bust it up or simply when someone is being an ass (outside of the bar of course). 

Any traditions:

Does backstabbing their employer count as a tradition because these two sure do it a lot. 

What they do for each other on holidays:

Holidays are often a real busy period for mercs, all these family feuds resurfacing or business enemies tryin to blame it on that etc.. So they mostly just run around, tryin to earn all that sweet sweet moneycash lol. But they manage to find some time to both get and exchange presents, which are often somethin both can enjoy, either tickets for a WWE match or a concert or some cool gadgets for jobs...

Their “song”:

Obviously it had to be somethin fun and pop since Tasky is canonically a big Spice girls fan and Eric definitely loves stuff like that too. I swear i wanted to pick a less ‘classic’ song, but it ended up being really on the nose because it just fitted so well.. 

so Yeah, anyway, it’s Wannabe by Spice girls :’D just imagine them singin it at the top of their lungs at each other, havin an absolute blast.

Where did they go for their honeymoon:

Oh dont get me wrong, there were Big Plans!!! ….and then they got caught, one by police the other by a cult, so their big casino trip snowballed into running all over the place, trying to free each other, kick some ass, save the money and accidentally help save the world… You know how it goes. They ended up in some washed up place, drinkin with Deadpool and Bullseye (Yes they tried to kill each other like an hour ago during those honeymoon shenanigans, whats your point) but hell, they still had fun. 

Where did they first meet:

At the Initiative, Ant was a young cadet under Tasky’s mentoring. Eric was (is) obnoxious, dumb and awkward but he was eager to please while being enough of a lazy bastard for Tasky to appreciate. And ever since that one time when Eric offered to share his Chuck episodes on his phone instead of the two of them answering the call to arms, they started to hang out more and more. 

Any pets:

Ants… So many.. ants……….. And not in neat vivariums either, they are simply walking around like they own the place. Tasky definitely isnt happy with that and he threatens Eric regularly, that if he wont stop feedin them or send them away this instant, he’ll just spray them all with DDT, but they both know he wouldn’t. 

At some point, Eric wanted to get into beekeeping, but he didnt really have time nor patience for it, not to mention they gotta move often and a lot. So he just. Asked some wild bees to make a hive at their place. (”We’re gonna have honey AND i can command them to attack any intruders, I’m a genius!”) It went about as well as you’d expect. At least the hood+skele mask hides stings pretty ok...  

As for Tasky, he kept Tess-1, that giant murder robot from Secret Avengers and  he has the Fluffiest snowhite cat as well, like a Gorgeous Soft angel cloud, this cat could win medals on contests. She is a spoiled princess that only eats the most expensive fresh tuna and also all the weird bits and pieces of gore the mercs accidentally bring home on their boots n weapons. Her name’s Kitty Spice because a certain T. Masters is hopeless. She sleeps on Anty the same way cats sleep on computers and in general is super cuddly. 

What do they fight over:

Lots of things! Tasky has his temper and both of them can be annoying fucks.  From the dumbest tiniest stuff (like Eric leaving his dildo in the fridge who the fuck does that or Tony not lending him his guns, that aint fair you have so MANY of them) to more serious stuff (like the first time Tasky had a bigger amnesia attack, making him forget not just the beer he invited Black Ant to but forget Eric all together… Ant knew a little about Tasky’s memory issues, but they are still both ruthless mercs so Tony didnt divulge much in order to avoid vulnerability or manipulations.. Eric took it hard, he didnt really understand how it worked (or wanted to understand), he just kept going on about how he doesnt mind Tasky forgetting what they did last few years but how could he forget him??? 

Do they go on vacations, if so where:

Well, they did pay for that beautiful beach house in Belize so… ;)

[pbandjesse]

I'm all bundled up in bed. Waiting for my laundry to be done. I need a snack and a drink and im going to sleep with no alarm clock. Today wasn't horrible. Just long.

I didnt sleep great last night. I woke up with horrible pain in my kidney again. I eventually was able to fall back asleep but it was hard. I woke up at 8 and wore many layers. It would be warmer today but it would still be in the 40s.

I packed snacks and lunch and wandered outside. I decided to take the bus downtown. There is still a lot of snow on the ground. And I was lucky that the bus showed up very fast and I was right on time to work.

I was with Frank on constellation today. It was nice to see him but I hate how sad he is. He just got back from italy and he just wants to leave baltimore so bad. His plan is to go and not come back and i dont blame him. I think he put his 2 weeks in. I want the best for him. He's a good soul.

It was nice working with him though. We had a good switching off for inside and outside. I was able to listen to my podcasts basically all day. It was a fairly busy day but everyone was nice.

I brought my liberty furby and had fun taking pictures of her on the ship. I gave my gun drill talk twice. I was tired and cold but i had a fun day.

My sinuses bothered me on and off. James came and visited me before he went to his overnight. It was nice to see his sweet face.

He left once I went to do my second program. And then I went inside for a bit. We finished up the day with 5 final people. They were all really sweet. And asked good questions. And left at a good time.

Me and Frank were done putting things away and cleaning up and i was able to clock out at 5. Killer.

I walked to ihop and got fries and crepes. My crepes came out cold so i had them microwaved and they were really good then. It was a good dinner and my waitress was sweet.

I went upstairs from the IHOP to Marshall's. I got a new face wash and night cream because I am out! Since i dont have backups anymore. Amazing. I also got myself a bike bell. To many people standing in thr bike lane. Its shaped like a kitty.

I left and went to get the free bus home. I had to wait a little but that was okay. I ran into my friend Gaby on the bus. And thrn i was home. I grabbed some cash and ran back out to grt quarters from the grocery store and CVS. Since they wont give you many.

I got home and did my laundry. Got annoyed by how trashed the laundry room is. Came upstairs and started organizing.

I sorted my shoes. Got rid of 2 boots that I dont wear. Got everything sorted all nice in my trunk. Then i went through the big task of sorting my jewelry.

That took me a while. I had 5 boxes to go though. And it was a lot. I got a paper bag and i started by just dumping everything on the ground. Then I sorted by type. Then put anything that I didnt wear or like or have any sentimental value in the bag right away. Then i sorted the types by nice/cheap/handmade. Then i went through each group.

Once i was down to everytbing i wanted to keep i put all the sentimental stuff. And stuff i want to keep but dont wear all the time in the green jewelry box. And put all the stuff i wear all the time in the small red jewelry box. I alsonmoved all my necklaces to the branch in my room i have hanging on the wall. Its so much more pared down but its all stuff i love so I'm very pleased.

Once i went to put my clothes in the dryer I sorted the bag. So each type was in a small jar. So if i go to thag swap thing it would be easier for someone else to go through stuff.

Now im just chilling. Im going to go get my clothes. And eat a snack. And go to sleep. I have the whole day off tomorrow and no plans and im so so excited to not have to do anything. Not to say i wont do something or go somewhere. But i wont have to! So exciting.

I hope you all sleep great tonight. Stay warm out there.

[sleeplesssecrets]

i could have journaled in my physical notebook journal tonight but i think i would rather dim my desk lampa and write here. im going to try to really go back to my roots on this blog, typing withing backspacing, and writing what im thinking about pretty much as ai think it. what has been on my mind is how much i crave a routine where i acknowledge the parts of my day and receive fulfillment from each moment. i have no idea how ot write that without sounding cheesy but i mean it. i want to wake up and say this is the morning. i am having my morning. i am changing into clean clothes because it is the morning. my moring coffee. my morning snuggles from my babies. i like to play animal crossing in the morning. and then when it turns noon i want to have lunch and read and give my baby his lil noon nap and recognize that i am experiencing noon today. then it will get later and my baby girl will be home in the afternoon after school. we'll have our afternoon snack and our afternoon craft or activity or whatever she feels like doing that day. i will notice how the sun chnages and watch my neighbors come home form work and switch the laundry over because laundry is an afternoon chore. and then i would have my dinner closer to night and do my skin care and find the moon in the sky to show my brai that it is in fact night time. and my phone will be charging while i fall asleep instead of a few inches away from my face showing myself an endless stream of short form content. i noticed today that i am truly enjoying being a stay at home mom. i love waking up and stacking wooden blocks ith my baby first thing. i dont have to worry about what im wearing to work or what the back of my hair looks like. my baby boy learned how to smooch this week so he's been kissing me when he feels like it. we are practicing consent in all areas of his daily life, from changing diapers to kisses to nap times. i ask him if he wants to nap with or wihtout a blanket, if he wants to let me change his diaper now or in a few minutes, i ask him if he wants to kiss or not. i would not be able to enforce this if i was away form my house 25 hours a week. we also got my baby girls room entirely cleaned, we took out some furnituure and rearranged ther est and gave her so much room to play on her floor. shes been really enjoying her timein her room again. once i have the dining room table the way i want it, we'll be able to craft together again, i already have some projects in mind. anyway. another thing htat has been on my mind which is so very hard to describe, is my mood board of landscape-ish type photos that ifound on the internet that give me a feeling of longing to be somewhere ive never been. and i dont add pictures to it if i recognize the place or if it's captioned with where it was photographed, that ruins it. i want to spawn in somewhere vibey, no signage, and just exist on earth. maybe its because i truly am terrible at cardinal directions. i unfortunately know where i am on a map. when i look at those pictures, i dont feel like i am somewhere specifically. i feel like ive talked about this a lot in real life to people as well as trying to write down the feeling but i wont give it up. ie only had a real feeling of being nowhere a few times in my life and i grip those memories in my hand like they're my last two dollars. i have a memory of being at someones home, a friend of my mom's. they had a dog and we were by the back door in the kitchen. i was on the floor peting the dog and the back door was open letting in light. and i couldnt tell you a single thing that happened that day other than that. i dont remember getting there or going away from there, just being there existing. it was just a house that day. not a house at an address, not in a city or a town, just someones home with their dog and the sunshine thats been shining down on me ever since. another memory was actually a little different, because i know exactly where i was, i can go there again, but i wouldnt be able to experience the feeling again. i was ont he porch of my inlaws home and my

girl was paying in the yard, and the overcast sky, the fog, and the way she was dressed that day was just so nice. i definitely dissociated and as my peripheral vision blurred i imagined we were in a soft grassy meadow. it gave me that somewhere nowhere feeling. one more thing ill document here that relates is how much i love courage the cowardly dog for this. i know some people say that show fueled their night mares as children but it only inspired my most interesting dreams. the sky is almost always moody. the creatures and people are just off putting enough. and its setting is literally "nowhere". ok im going

[the-fiction-witch]

For Your Own Good

TV SHOW: GODLESS COUPLE: WHITEY WINN X READER RATING: SMUTTY REQUESTED:

little-nya:  Hello! I love your writings ❤, I think I've read them all. Can I make a request for reader saves Whitey and in the end doesn't die, with smut please 😋?

Y/N POV:

I put all my little shopping into my basket and headed out the dry good store I smiled to Leopold the dry goods man but he just huffs back so I shrug going off outside seeing Mary Agnes stood on the porch of the sheriff’s office “Mornin’ Y/n” she smiles as I walk over

“Morning Mary” I smile swinging my basket

“You aint seen ya ruddy boyfriend this morning have ya?” she asks me

“What? Whitey? Why does everyone think he’s my bloody boyfriend” I sigh

“well...you do feed the boy, clean his house, do his laundry, basically dress him and the only one who makes sure he actually gets out of bed for work, your basically his wife” she laughs

“Opps!” I sigh running off to whitey’s I forget to wake him up this morning he’s still in bed! so I ran off to his house opening the door with my key and quickly going inside shutting the door behind me and putting my basket on the table I sigh picking up the trail of clothes and other little items where he literally got in his door last night and stripped off on his way to the bed so I pick them all up putting them in the right places for him to find in a minuet wandering over to his bed and there whitey laid snuggling his pillow half falling off his bed “Humm” I laugh “Whitey” I giggle lightly shoving him but nothing so I sigh going to pick more stuff up

“Y/n....” he groans sleepily hugging his pillow a little tighter

“Morning whitey” I smile as I woke glancing over to him but he still hadn’t opened his eyes and he still looked in deep sleep till I heard a little sound like a clicking or something so I looked at him a bit more and he was kissing his pillow “aww” I laugh going over and sitting on his bed giving his hair a little stroke making him snuggle against my hand like a cat “Dreaming about someone nice whitey” I laugh

“Ummm Y/n” he groans sleepily cuddling his pillow a little tighter and then I noticed it  he was harder then a rock and slowly rubbing it up against his pillow

“Oh god” I say in shock quickly getting up and getting two pans from his sink and waiting a second before banging them together a inch above his head

“AHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL Y/N!” he yelled in shock

“Sorry...I kinda forgot to wake you you’re very very late” I tell him

“Ohh...thanks I guess” he sighs getting up and putting his clothes on “You alright too?” he asks and I nod “Thanks y/n...see ya later” he smiles before rushing off to work so I sigh opening the windows and doors as I began my work cooking and cleaning and sorting things out for him I do feel bad for whitey, after he lost his dad there was know one around to really take care of him, and being a deputy is a full time job, or well it is with the sheriff consonantly running off to do god only knows, so I just kinda became his well....uh....maid? maybe servant? Mother figure perhaps? I dont know what I am I just look after him best I can, Whitey is not to much older then me, and I have known him for a long time, I came over from the big city here to La Belle to live with my grandfather my parents had decided out here would be better for me then the city and I did agree I like it much better here, Being honest I always kinda had a little crush on whitey when I was a bit younger, But I think I grew out of it...did I? I actually don’t know if I did or not, I know just in general he doesn't like send me crazy or anything but  do like when he cuddles me it feels snugly and nice, like Im safe

“Y/n...hows it going?” Whitey smiles from the door

“Oh fine” I laugh as I work on the dishes 

“Look I uh...I wanted to talk to you” he says a bit nervously coming over to me and standing just beside me “How long where you in here here this morning?” he asks

“Not long why?” I ask

“Did you uh....see or hear anything....unusual?” he asks

“No why?” I blush

“Liar what did you see?” he sighs

“You hugging your pillow whitey” I laugh

“anything else?” he asks

“You groaning and rubbing up against it” I smirk 

“You little cow” he laughs

“Shut up, you love it really” I laugh giving his cheek a little kiss 

“Umm Of course I do” He laughs giving me a little kiss “Y/n....why do you do all this for me?” he asks me

“I like taking care of you” I laugh

“But your not my mum” he says turning me to face him “Okay, and I dont want you acting like it” he sighs

“why not?” I ask

“because I dont ever! want you acting like my mum” he laughs giving me a little kiss I instantly melted into the kiss letting him pick me up by my thighs as our kiss got deeper sitting me on the edge of the sink not far enough to drop me in but enough to sit till I push him away and move to be sat on his bed “Uhh what are you doin’?” he asks 

“something, come here” I laugh and he happily comes over very confused “It’s my job to take care of you right?” I smirk

“Yeah” He laughs

“so...what’s the only need of yours I dont deal with?” I smirk

“My-....Uhhh Really?!” he asks very excited

“Yep” I smirk

“YES!” He smirks sitting onto of me and kissing me like crazy getting his shirts off like magic very excited to do this to me sitting up and undoing his pants “are ya sure?” he asks a  little nervous

“Positive whitey” I laugh

“Great” he smirks giving me another kiss before slipping inside me “FUCKING HELL!” He moans very very happy his eyes rolling back as he sat up in shock just enjoying the first part of being inside me making me giggle at him a little it didn’t take him long to start thrusting his hands hard on my hips going very very fast and very deep I bit my mouth hard trying not to scream and alert the whole town what we where fucking in here even if Whitey was groaning like crazy every time he even slightly moved his eyes shut as he focused on his hard rough thrusts a little sweat forming on his head where he was getting tried already till he sat up a little more pushing my hips down onto him as he thrusted hitting me deeper right into my G spot and within a few short seconds I felt myself cum coating his cock in my juices and not even a few seconds later he stopped thrusting completely and shuddered before collapsing on my and breathing heavily very exhausted 

“You okay whitey?” I laugh

“I think I orgamused out my soul” he sighs between his breaths making me giggle pushing him so he slid out of me and tipping him so he laid beside me in his bed still breathing heavily 

“You look like you just ran like ten miles” I laugh

“I feel like I just ran ten miles” he sighs

“aww poor whitey” I laugh giving him a sweet cuddle

“I love you” he smiles giving my shoulder a little kiss

“I know whitey, I love you too” I laugh

TIMESKIP:

“Whitey..A word” I ask him 

“Sure” he shrugs so I grab his hand and take him off towards the hills “Y/n what’s going on?” he asks “I need to get back this frank bloke does turn up the town needs me” he says as I lead him to a grove with a few tree’s and let go of his hand “Y/n what is so dam important?” he asks as I grab a pan from the ground that I put out here and hitting him in the head with it knocking him out I then tied him to a tree far from anyone's view and took care of where his head was lightly bleeding 

“I’m sorry whitey, It’s For your own good” I say giving him a little kiss “I’m not losing you” I tell him giving him a little kiss and getting my shot gun making sure its loaded and such like and stealing one of his guns to keep just in case I need it I heard a lot of noise from in town but stood strong as it all fell silent I thought it was over so I went to gather my things till I heard a voice 

“who’s this?” a male voice asks and I saw a man knelt down by whitey even if he was still knocked out I reconsidered him from posters frank griffin “Deputy...so your the law in this town?” he smirked “somebody done tied ya to a tree? that seems odd” he shrugged “well...sorry kiddo, but your the only law so you gotta die” he says so I get my gun

“You touch him...I’ll shoot your fucking head off” I tell him pointing the shotgun at him

“Missy...you wont kill me, I have seen my death, and you’re not a killer darlin’”  he tells me

“Yeah...but you touch him and I will be” I tell him

“no you wont” he said getting a knife from his pocket so I fired shooting him though the head 

“Holy fuck!” Whitey said very shocked 

“Oh whitey are you alright?” I ask in panic quickly letting him out and he just kisses me

“Never better y/n” he smiles hugging me tightly “I’m happy your alright” 

“I’m happy your safe too” I smile as we return to the mostly  destroyed la Belle

[fredheads]

More fred sickcanons would be good. Great actually.

:’) i always hope you guys will give me these but ok i’ll do my best! 

you know that post about the girl who had so many bananas and op put 2 more on her desk and she said “oh my god i have so many” thats me with my fred sickcanons i have so many 

he HATES losing his voice because he needs it for work/dad reasons so he’ll absolutely carry a little notebook around and angrily scribble at people and sometimes they tease him pretending like they dont understand and he gets so exasperated and throws his hands up :’) he and archie can read each other really well in general but once when one of them was sick for a long time they developed their own basic sign language that no one else understands but them 

sometimes he gets nosebleeds when he’s sick from blowing/wiping his nose too much and it makes a mess on his pillowcase but fred has to clean everything right away so he’ll get out of bed and do a whole load of laundry and that involves walking around the whole house picking up socks and whatnot 

hes gonna push push push push to keep going until the point where someone gets fed up with him pretending he’s ok or he flat out collapses to the ground. 

sometimes he sleeps in the basement when he’s sick because it’s cooler down there and he won’t disturb archie with his constant coughing and sneezing but the pull-out couch is so uncomfy and he’s all achy in the morning

the sun always makes him feel better if he can sit somewhere and feel the sun on his sick achy face it helps so much :’) 

if he has to sleep in clothes its gonna be a loose tshirt thats gonna be soaked with sweat by the time he gets up

he doesn’t own a humidifier so sometimes he boils water just to hold the cup and feel the steam on his face

the more pillows in his bed the better, but he’s going to throw them all off by the end of the night

in winter he likes to be snoodled under ridiculous amounts of blankets, like 5 or 6. 

he loves having his face and neck touched especially if you’re cold and his skin is hot 

when the fatigue gets really bad he can’t hold his own head up and he gets all limp and noodly 

he will refuse to take a bath no matter how much you insist it will help. shower or bust. if he can’t handle a shower he’ll sponge bathe himself.

because he doesn’t usually collapse until he really needs it, he can sleep for a good 12 hours uninterrupted when he’s sick. like the dead. you have to hold a mirror to his face to see if he’s breathing. 

speaking of breathing it gets really hard when he’s all congested and he’s gasping for breath sometimes.  especially after a coughing fit he’ll be doubled over struggling to breathe... nice

coughing so hard his lungs hurt.. nice

forehead kisses. its all he wants. and back rubs. 

sometimes he’ll want to get up but the whole room will be spinning and he’ll ask whoever’s near to make it stop so he can stand. 

he lowkey falls in love with anyone who takes care of him for any amount of time. 

he’s always cracking jokes about how sick he is even if he’s literally near death. in fact the sicker he is the more flippant he is about it. 

he very rarely gets sick in the first place so when he does it hits like a freight train. he will never see it coming because he ignores all the signs. 

if his cold develops into something worse (flu, pneumonia, bronchitis) he’ll blatantly ignore all the warning signs and continue insisting “its just a cold” 

he’s always cleaning up after himself. emptying his trash full of tissues. disinfecting the stuff he touches in the kitchen. washing out his puke bucket. washing his bedsheets and pyjamas. he wont listen to you if you tell him to stay put and not worry about it. 

sometimes he sleeps lightly and then he’ll make little whimpers and fits in his sleep and you have to touch him or comb his hair to calm him down

sometimes he gets so cold he cant stop shivering 

sometimes when he gets sick its because hes so exhausted from work/stress/murders that his immune system is just totally depleted

he likes to brag about how he never gets sick until it hits him

SOMEONE ELSE WASHING HIS HAIR FOR HIM MAKES HIM FEEL SO GOOD

he misses his dad the most when he’s sick

hes so so so so touch starved he wants to be taken care of so bad but he’ll never ask 

he has nightmares more often when he sleeps sick and the worst ones are always about archie getting hurt. he talks in his sleep. 

he shows up to work with bruises he got from uncoordinatedly walking into walls and smacking his cheekbone on the medicine cabinet and whatnot

sometimes he’s inclined to go without medicine cause he’s had an addictive personality since he was a kid and he doesn’t want to risk getting hooked

its the only time he lets himself look disheveled and sometimes he’ll try hard to clean himself up and comb his hair but the disheveled-ness is still there just less obvious and you can tell he’s trying to look presentable bless his heart

if he’s really out of it he’ll definitely call his caretaker by the wrong name he’ll call hermione mary or mary fp or fp archie 

ooh sometimes he puts an electric fan on pointed at his bed if he’s sick during the summer and its on the low setting so it just barely ruffles his hair and his loose shirt... :’)

sometimes when he gets up hes so dizzy but he’s so determined to do it and then he’ll stand up and be so close to collapsing he has to sit down again

he’s definitely vomited in a desk drawer at work before. then just shut it and waited until he can clean it up in privacy. 

if he’s really out of it or losing control he’ll make the saddest little whimper noises

he’s really good at being sick overall, he takes it in stride and he’s a champ at hiding it but those rare occasions it breaks him down... nice

he will take every excuse to press his sweaty feverish skin against something cold (it helps w the nausea too) be it a table or a fridge or a wall or a cold glass of water or someone’s shoulder... but then he’ll deny what he’s doing it for 

i have to stop bc ive been staring at this screen forever but tell me if you want anything specific cause i could go on...

[diary-during-a-pandemic]

better day one post

today was a good day, actually

i woke up and played animal crossing (new horizons) and felt like a lifetime passed in the span of two hours that i played. i think it was from 9 to 11. 

oh this is random but does anyone else feel bad when you have a 9 too close to an 11? it’s like i’m just summoning all the bad things that happened during 9/11 into my core and they just build up like fat in arteries. its not even that big of a deal because its not like im actually referencing 9/11 but still, it bothers me. not even because i was cognizantly (or however you spell that) aware during that time, i just feel vaguely guilty???

but anyway, i had fun on animal crossing. i built a garden yesterday on a mountain behind my house, and funded a slope up to it. i dont think any of my villagers will wander out that far to visit it, but its nice to have the flowers so close. im not real worried about breeding them for the rarer colors, because my most favorite colors and pink and yellow (and green, but they only have mums in that color i think), but it would be nice to share them with my friends if i do get them. 

i also set up a better entrance to my airport. i like to sell things on nookazon (which is, of course, amazon for animal crossing. well actually its more like ebay but i digress), but my entrance was cramped and ugly before. i really like it now, but i forgot to lay down a pretty sidewalk. that’s alright though, because grass is pretty too. 

i kind of forgot what else i did since then, but i think the outfit i dressed my villager in was very cute, too. it was a tube top and some pretty red patterned pants, and i had a flower in my hair. i wish i could wear a tube top in real life, but im scared that people will try to yank it down to show my boobs. my mom said it happened to one of her sisters once (i think?). im also scared that people will do it to make fun of my fat stomach. im not shy about being fat, but ive heard “there’s nothing wrong with being fat” enough to think theres something wrong with being fat. not to get like existential about it (is that the right word?) but its like how people say theres nothing wrong with being poc. of course there isn’t, but people think there is something wrong with it enough that we have to say its not. 

lmao anyway none of that is about the corona but i guess this is a diary anyway so thats alright. 

anyway!

after animal crossing, i took my dog out. she’s a yorkie chihuahua breed with really bad breath. she got her bad breath from her bad teeth, because she bit my uncle so hard that she gave him stitches. he doesnt like her, but i say its what he deserves because he kept scaring her in her cage. i wont get in on the details, but im so mad at him and my extended family too, because they decided to put her outside after that and she (surprise) ran away. luckily we got her back, but me and my mom and my sister (my family) were overseas at the time, so it was very stressful. i wasnt meant to know about it, but i overhead my mom talking to my sister about it and about having her go home early to get my dog (diamond). 

anyway she has really bad teeth now, and bad breath from the teeth, but i dont think it bothers her much as long as she doesnt get a lot of food stuck in them. she likes to lick my face and make it stink as bad as her tongue lmao. plus, since she’s getting old and they were already lose from biting my uncle, her teeth are starting to fall out one by one. each loss makes her breath smell better LMAO

but anyway!! i took my dog out. it had just finished raining, i think, and diamond hates the rain. we didnt stay out long. once i came back inside, i sold the rest of my turnips (in animal crossing). i had to use turnips.exchange because (even though its not sunday) according to a turnip calculator, the sell price on my island was only going to get lower and lower. maybe it would have spiked at the end of the week, but im one of those animal crossing cheaters who time skips so i figured i’d just sell them now and time skip later. 

i did time skip, and i met redd (the art seller). this is my first animal crossing game that i’ve played for longer than a day, but i think redd isnt that bad. he sells counterfeit art, but i guess we all have to make a living somehow. 

outside of animal crossing, im not really sure what i do anymore. school is a bit hard because (like i said) time isnt linear anymore. one of my assignments was late, but i dont think my teacher has logged in for a while so im not sure it matters. we’re all tired, and probably scared

but i finished my work, nonetheless. most of it, although i still need to read some stories for class and give my classmates feedback. im a creative writing major. i love writing, even though im not confident in my abilities all the time. i hope i dont come off as a bad writer here. if i do, i hope nobody ever tells me lmao

now its 10:30 pm. my mom just told me to put the clothes in the dryer for her. that, and doing the dishes, is my only chore but i forgot most of the time (which is why she reminds me of course). i like sitting in the laundry room because i like the smell of the lint. its hard, though, because my mom and i, even with her reminders, are bad at washing clothes. we forget and let them pile up until they dont fit in the room anymore. 

although, to be fair, we dont have a very large laundry room. it fits our washer and dryer and barely one of those laundry baskets that has wheels and a pull out handle. you know the one, probably.

anyway this is getting a little long, especially for a first post lmao. im getting distracted and starting to pull up other stuff, and my mom came in to make me pick out a different face mask to order (i think from etsy but probably name brand knowing my mom), so i guess i’ll cut myself off there. 

i didnt do much else today anyway. 

oh, also the mask i chose is a rainbow peace pattern! just in case anyone wanted to know.

[spidergvven]

tips for dealing with depression and suicidal ideation

given todays news i thought some people might need this, all of it is based of my personal experience w depression and mental illness so here goes:

things that are easy for everyone else will be insurmountable obstacles for you, people will definitely make you feel bad for this whether they intend to or not, look in a mirror and say “fuck them!” say it again, yell it as loud as you can, FUCK THEM!

you probably haven’t showered in a week and thats ok, baby wipes and dry shampoo are your friend

feeling grimy and gross will make you more depressed though, if you can get up and brush your teeth and splash water on your face you will feel better if only because you accomplished something (if you feel like brushing your teeth isn’t an accomplishment go back to tip one, it is and you are doing great!)

take care of what you can when you can, remind yourself to not feel bad for not doing what you cant today

your room/apartment/house is probably a mess, thats ok. don’t try to clean up everything at once, you will not be able to do it and you will get more depressed when you don’t succeed. clean up one (1) thing and i truly do mean one, put a dirty item of clothing where your dirty laundry goes (not a pile on the floor, get a hamper/basket/cardboard box anything that will help your brain file it as organized instead of clutter) put one cup from your room in the dishwasher. the magic of this is once you do one thing you start to feel a sense of accomplishment and the bigger tasks don’t seem as scary, before you know it all the dishes are clean or you’ve done all the laundry.

reward yourself for doing the hard stuff, even if thats just getting through another day. you do not have to suffer a certain amount before you deserve nice things that make you feel good.

get some vitamins. depression destroys whatever healthy eating habits you may have had and honestly no one is getting enough vitamins these days anyways. vitamin b and d deficiency can contribute to fatigue, chronic pain and depression. 15 minutes in the sun gets you your daily dose of vitamin d, so get a sun lamp or just sit outside once a day, you don’t have to do anything, except maybe drink some water since its july. vitamin b supplements are pretty cheap, they taste like candy and give you an immediate energy boost. a multivitamin w iron will help your body get the nutrients it needs and give you more energy as well. no vitamins wont cure mental illnesses but when your body feels physically like crap along with your mind it makes everything that much worse.

exercise if you can. the catch 22 of depression is that everything that will make you feel better is almost impossible to do when you’re depressed. the reason exercise is always recommended though is because it does help release those happy little chemicals in your brain as well as helps you form a routine. which means anything that gets your heart rate up and that you can commit to doing on a regular/semi regular schedule counts as exercise. dont think you have to become a gym rat or someone who loves running to get this benefit. anything you can do to get your body moving is a good thing.

square breathing and mindfulness will reduce tension in your body and mind (it should be noted that if you are prone to dissociation traditional mindfulness can make that worse but you can also practice a modified mindfulness while doing a task to keep you present and in your body) for square breathing- sit up straight or lie on your back and breathe in through your nose to the count of four, hold for a count of four, breathe out through your mouth to a count of four, then hold for a count of four and repeat. if you cant do a four count three or two is also fine, the idea is simply that you are breathing in and out and holding for the same count. breathe as deeply as you can from your diaphragm, since so many of us spend so much time hunched over devices and computers you may need to use a back roller or a particularly firm pool noodle to open up your chest cavity and breathe properly. (this will also help your body not feel like crap because so many people have alignment issues without even realizing it, straightened out your spine and and tailbone can affect your brain patterns so much it’s almost unbelievable) its laughable when you’re supper depressed and people try to ask you “well have you tried meditation/yoga” but yoga breathing techniques and practicing being present and feeling your body and the sensations you are experiencing is actually helpful. theres a reason yoga is such a culturally important practice that has existed for centuries and its only now that western medicine is starting to recognize the science of treatments that have long been dismissed as homeopathic folk remedies. most of my physical therapy exercises now include yoga breathing and square breathing to retrain my body’s neuromuscular patterns and they always leave me feeling better emotionally too. how you breathe really does affect your brain waves.

being present in your body is hard but it helps, turn on a fan and lie in front of it, concentrating on how the air feels on your skin, the sound of the fan that you hear, your hair moving in the breeze, reconnect with your senses and surroundings. also you get the added benefit if lying in front of a fan when its hot as hell which is always nice.

dont feel bad for wanting to hurt yourself because it will only make you want to hurt yourself more

snap a rubber band against your skin or hold ice in your hand to simulate the feelings and relief of self harm without doing permanent damage buy cheap dishes from goodwill and smash them all to relieve the impulse to destroy without hurting yourself (dont do this if youll be tempted by the sharp edges of of the broken dishes) write everything you hate about yourself, your life, and the world down, then destroy it, rip it up or burn it and breathe. imagine letting it all go. you wont let it all go but it might feel a little lighter and thats good too.

make a list of reasons to stay alive, like not some philosophical big deep reasons for living, just shit you want to do. really love marvel and cant wait to see the movies they’re releasing next? thats a reason to live. cant go to the premiere of infinity war if you’re dead.

despite what some might say feeling suicidal absolutely can be triggered by other peoples actions. this doesnt mean other people are responsible for your mental health but you don’t deserve to be treated badly because your depressed and if you’re in an abusive environment you dont deserve how you’re being treated at all, you deserve to live happily and safely.

if none of these tips work for you it’s not your fault. you’re not broken. this is what ive found helps me but treatment and recovery look different for everyone and you’re not a failure bc a list of tips didn’t cure your depression. you are trying and thats what counts. please keep trying, try someone else’s tips, try therapy, try some shit that you just made up because it hurts no one and helps you even if it feels silly. just keep trying because you are worth it.

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 56 - 62

This has been a hard one. So you know how Ramadan is the month you fast and al and your supposed to strengthen your spirituality and all. Well Ramadan went well Alhamdulillah but it is more like all these things happened to me this one week more compared to during Ramadan. 

So I started walking on the treadmill. I planned on 2 hours a day but ended up doing one hour everyday. Well when i decided on 2hrs it was what i ‘preferred’. 1hr, duh, is the ‘minimum’ and more than 2 hours is highly appreciable but im still proud i could at least do the bare minimum this week yay! well proud is exaggeration tbh, im just not panicking and depressed  because I maintained the bare minimum but im not like ‘happy’ or impressed cause I dont see any progress. But then again, the way i define ‘progress’ is kind of too high standard as always so yeah I am kind of harsh on myself ‘as always’ again so maybe I am kinda doing okay i guess. well but bottom line, im not really ‘impressed’. 

Aha ok so theres that. then um oh! me catching cold after coming from Makkah, Well in the beginning i was sooooo tired for a day or two like i couldnt function at all. But then yeah all the classic symptoms started to arise. coughing, sneezing, throat irritation, blocked nose, runny nose, greenish sputum, difficulty breathing. Oh God, you name it! so I have been on medication for a week now and I have to continue for another 1 week. And its just not going away yet. like its there, constant! except for just last night when my throat wasnt itching much and luckily i could sleep like a babyyyyyyyyy for a change after a week. Oh so this whole week I used to go to bed around 12 to 1 or at 2 latest! Now whether I could fall asleep is a different story. Well most of the nights I did try to fall asleep like till fajr and i could like sleep for an hour or 2 max and then I would just wake up from coughing so much. and then Id just lie down till fajr and then get up and pray and then go to bed. 2 of the mornings I worked out after fajr and then took a shower and then slept around 7 in the morning. 

during the day, well i wake up always keeping in mind that I should not miss zuhr so lol that mean i kinda wake up usually around 2pm or even later sometimes. Since im talking about the entire week, this is like what i did majority of the days. Some days i woke up earlier though. but maybe thats like a day or 2 out of 7.  So its so hot during the day, like you dont even need to ‘move’ and youll already be sweating! I totally hate it and I have never been that tired of any weather ugh. Like I totally love winter now. not cause idk its fun or something but like i hate summer so muchhhhhhh that yeah i can basically go like i love winter 

Ok so the week kinda started with me being kind of tired mentally. parents were in the middle of a huge argument so yeah the whole atmosphere in the house was kinda blue and then I started eating so less and then starting with the treadmill and all and well it was just a bit tough to move from a phase to another. I wasnt having negative vibes and all but i just wished for more from life. I mean sometimes it is kind of too much to take. I get all the stuff about life not supposed to be perfect and how it is just temporary and how we should not get attached to worldly things. Yes all of that is cool and i get it but then when you are actually experiencing those ‘downs’ in life, youre obviously not going to be ‘okay’ with it and ofcourse youll wish things were better or youd just feel mentally drained out - despite knowing the entire “concept” of life - 

So yeah thats the phase I was in for a few days and then after a lot of thinking how I suddenly got out of the phase was when I was thinking about how every single person is subjected to life is a completely different way. Like you can never compare. You might think your life is horrible and so much shit has happened to you and everything and maybe someone else who never had to face anything similiar to the ‘shit’ you went through. Well maybe they had to experience something else. Something you are too blessed to even be aware of. What I am trying to say is how sometimes we wish for things is life and other people have it, that what you want. Or maybe they dont have what you want, but then in general it seems like there life seems ‘happier’ than yours. Well I dont really think it is true anymore. I kind of think everyone goes through almost an equal share of good and bad. and how do we define what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’? Well we just cant tbh. Because what might seem good to me and I would wish for could be something someone has and feels cursed with. I mean its all about perceptions. So someone maybe suffering in their own way but you are not just seeing it. Basically the point is, 

We should always be thankful, be patient and keep breathing. We should be aware of how our life is not going to be a compilation of scenes you get to watch in movies or be picture perfect. And we also need to protect ourselves from getting attached to anything or anyone so much! We need to be okay with letting go of things or people if we ever have to! And we also need to know that every single person out there ~ Everyone’s life is perfectly imperfect. Yes, of course I cant really disagree to how some people might seem to have better lives but then again, all the hardships you go through, you are being tested and you are being rewarded for them so at the end of the day it all balances off. 

So I was kind of really bored with life in general and also my days were boring too. Well theyre still pretty much boring but like i was also bored of life. Then I started thinking of certain people who are having more boring lives than mine, and who dont even have the blessings I am gifted with. And everything started to just get more acceptable. And then I started thinking of my brother. I mean its so cool he is going to move to Canada in like less than 2 months inshaAllah and all. I am really happy for him and wish nothing but the best of the best for him and all but but but.. I mean just think of it. At first I was thinking of my some of the people Ik who arent really in a pretty place maybe because of financial reasons. Then there were people that came to my mind who arent in a pretty place because of just family reasons. And then ones who are just simply having to work a bit harder and so theyre not at a pretty place. Some who are away from friends, family because of life. So yeah. then I started thinking of my brother. I mean he is going to move soon and he will be living in a dorm and I mean he will be in Canada in one of the top 5 universities in the country and he has a scholarship. MashAllah that all sounds so great. Something Id want too but but but. then i started thinking of life in general. I mean he will be living on his own. He doesnt have to cook though, he has subscribed to a meal plan so he doesnt have to worry about preparing his food. but like living alone in his dorm room. I mean coming home every day to his room. Well cool thing though he wont be sharing a room with anyone and he will have his own toilet and stuff but then again, i mean he will be alone. Im not saying that an alternate scenario could be one where hed come home to his family and woah everyone would be partying and laughing and smiling and all. I mean even when he is at home right now he is like always in front of his computer busy with his own stuff and all but like idk Id still prefer coming home and having some other humans who are family. Atleast once in a while you know. or maybe its just me. but then still, i mean uni and studies are stressful enough, id just want to see people i love around! And yeah that is one of the main reasons why I didnt finally decide to study abroad right after high school! 

So yeah then I started realizing that there are so many ways I already am blessed. Even on every one of my ‘boring’ days, there are blessings i am encountering which many people arent getting even on their normal days. Yeah that kind of cheered me up! 

So this week, more like this month or like the entire 2 months will be about my bro lol. I mean theres a lot of shopping to do. like clothes, toilet stuff, laundry stuff, bed, pillow, shoe, laptop, tootpaste, mug, spoon and what not. literally everything. I mean its actually fun. Like you go to a shop and literally anything you touch, is something in the shopping list for him!! i mean normally somethings are like just too basic, youd never in years touch them in a shop cause like you have it, its there!!! but for him, have to get everything since he will start from scratch! 

Ok so now about myself! Well like i said, the week started pretty rough because of the whole change in phase. parents fighting, me not eating much considering how food is one of the means by which i look for comfort, and then life just being boring in general and then how getting on the treadmill is such a pain in the ass in the first place and not to mention the extremely hot temperature these days and then you dont really see any difference. I mean duh. DUHHHHH howd i even be thinking to see any difference? I mean i KNOWWW its too soon for any difference but like all these staying patient emotionally, mentally about so many different aspects in life..It all can get pretty heavy sometimes!!!! Oh and then its like i really really really love myself. Like a LOT LOT. now like i said, once you already love someone, I mean, well, to fall in love ofcourse the person needs to have good qualities most of the time but then like once you already love someone, you love them despite their imperfections. Well, thats how you love ‘another person’. but when you love yourself. Forget qualities!!! you love yourself regardless lol! Where I am getting with this is!!! I mean right now, i really am not AT ALL happy with my body, like not. at . ALL. Infact I have never been this unhappy about my body ever in my life. And also I kind of feel really dumb. Like wow, Alhamdulillah whatever I did in my exams and all, i am thankful for that but like as a person in general. I really dont feel smart enough plus I literally dont remember anything i studied. like i actually wonder how tf did are they just not there in my head anymore. Like i definitely did study them or else i wouldnt pass my exams so now where the hellllll did all that go awaaayyyyy whatttttttttt

yeah so 4th year basically you need to know your shit. like you actually need to know what they taught you in the last 3 years. like youre actually be walking with doctors and interacting with them one on one. its not going to be like the last 3 years where like it doesnt really matter whether you are alive or dead, asleep or awake. like you just make sure you have your name signed. so theres the attendance part covered. and you make sure you finish every lecture and to do that you have time till before you enter the “exam code” on your laptop and start the exam!!!! You see, now! you actually need to know shit, you actually need to go see patients with the doctors and even without the doctors, you need to go to patients, and take history from them which TADAAA will be in arabic. oh wow!! So yeah if you dont know arabic you need a friend/ translator! yeah and then you need to tell your history to your doctor in english thank god lol :p but like yeah, and you ll be in small groups of 6 - 10 with a doctor and like he might bring up a disease he wants to discuss and SURE af it wont be something they found out about 2 minutes ago. ofcourse it will be something we are expected to have covered in the last 3 years or uni and you cant just go like. OH I never heard about it!!!! Idk what it is!!! Ok lol i guess im freaking out now. 

Anyways so what i was saying. yeah so not happy with my body, plus i think im really dumb and then its just TOO DAMN HOT i cant do anything, I CANT EVEN MOVE. so yeah its pretty disturbing! Also not to mention how not eating much is so hard Ughh! 

Ok so i have been typing for over an hour now. I kind of think I covered everything I wanted to blog about for the whole week but like Im not sure and I dont want to read all what i wrote right now cause its already so boring cause its like always in my head anywaysssss and yeah thats one nice thing about blogging. Ahh. like once i hit the ‘post’ button and then woah!!! all these thoughts just turn into feather in my head!!!!! hahaahh!! 

But i still do read what i write again everytime, prolly at the end of the day to make sure nothing is ‘misunderstood or sounds completely opposite of what I actually wanted to say and all. blablaaa. So yeah if somethings mssing, ill fill it up

okay enough blabbering. Tataa!!!!!! :)