#and im here in my room all day i feel like shit
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Omfgffggff I js found u through the nerd guy fic and I'm obsessed!!!
Ik we are all not so sane here so,,,
If I can request a silly rebellious reader and stepdad punishing the reader for hanging out with good for nothing guy friends with skimpy outfits
:3 Thanks!!! ( You don't need to do ... this is straight up crazy ik lol )
Author’s note: AHH HELLOOO IM SO HAPPY!!! AND OFC SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT!
Content below: use of y/n, AFAB reader, brat taming, punishment, use of nicknames such as babygirl, pet, cheating?, stepcest, minor writing smut, bratty reader, cigars, reader is 18+, dubcon.
Proceed to read..
“Ugh i told you, pick me up tomorrow. My stepdad is coming and i wanna act long enough so i can take some money from him. Then you and cain and me can have some fun! You bring the alcohol!” You giggle as you lay down in your very pink and girly room. The teddy bear your stepfather gave you for your birthday just slumping onto your pillows
You giggle as your best friend starts to ramble about how fun tomorrow will be and starts to ask the real questions “your stepdad is hot! Not gonna lie, i mean! Hes a silver fox!” She squeals as you gag “yuck no! Live with him for a day and you’ll see how controlling and bossy he is” you mumble.
The laptop was still on video call as you roll around on your bed. You sigh as suddenly you hear a doorbell “shit! Be right back!” You yell and slam your laptop closed.
Your feet scramble to the door and open the wood separating you and your money machine.
“Daddy! Welcome home” you giggle and hug him. Ugh disgusting…he smells like his cologne and smoke. He looks at you with disinterest and lets out a low hum. His eyes looking at your perked nipples from your lack of bra.
“Have you been studying? As i told you? I gave you two weeks” he says, pulling away from the hug. What the fuck? Does he have a stick up his ass or something?
Oh yeah about that “ah… yup!” You say with a lopsided grin, batting your eyelashes at the older man. He seems to see right through you but you dont really care, all you need is a few hours and his money and then you can meet your friends-
“Yeah? Ill be testing you tonight.” He says bluntly and starts to head to the kitchen to get dinner for himself.
“Well… im heading out cain and nicole” you say, a little more happily then you mean to. He takes out a cigar and looks at you dead in the eyes. “No.” He states bluntly “wearing a skirt that short? Thigh highs? And what is this..” he comes closer to you your chest almost just almost reaching his. He pinches at your left nipple “a flimsy piece of cloth, that you little ones call a top.”
You yelp and cover your chest “why the hell were you looking?”
“Im your father, and you are not going out like that, with your so called boyfriend who only wants you for your body” he states. Grabbing the back of your top like a cat would.
He goes to his office and throws you on the chair and locks the door
“Question one, look at the fucking paper. A, B, C or D?” He loosens his tie and undoes his pants. Sitting you on his lap “the faster you finish the faster ill let you go” he says putting his cigar down.
“Fuck! I dont know? B?” You say, you feel something warm against your cunt. You unconsciously grind on the feeling “bad girl” he says as he pulls your panties aside and shoves the tip inside. You feel the slight burn and you tear up. Sick motherfucker is gonna rape you?
He grabs your waist and shoves everything inside in one go. No lube no nothing. Just raw fucking cock.
You yell and cry “fuck you! You sick piece of shit” you attempt to get off his lap when he pushes you on your chest. His heavy balls against your clit.
“Its okay babygirl.. you dont need to use your smooth brain anymore” he whispers in your ear. Slowly moving in and out of you “you can be my personal pet from now on” his fingers gently rubbing circles on your clit. You moan gently, your eyes tearing up at the smell of your stepdad the one you used to love but now.. you’re not sure anymore
“Daddy…d-daddy” you mumble dumbly, his cock slipping in and out of you. Your feet barely touch the floor “im sorry baby, this is your punishment” he says before his pace becomes faster and faster. You squeal and try to hold on to him. Your pussy squelches and pulses. Your ass connecting to his hips.
“D-daddy!” You cry. The swirls on your clit becoming faster yet precise “becoming a dumb little girl already? Poor thing… must have been so pent up” he coos, your brain is turning into mush as your legs shake from the pounding. Your cunny fluttering around him, be groans “ah fuck…”
His hand that was once on your clit, now on your nipple. Tweaking them just painful enough for you to keep your sanity in check. “Need a new piercing on your nipples now. Maybe my initials?” He teases.
“I-im gonna cum” you manage to mumble out. The wet skin slapping is making your brain fuzzy “daddy.. i need your cum” you say your tongue lolling out, awaiting his tongue.
He smirks at your now dumb form and gives a few more thrusts but pulls out at the last second.
“Maybe after you get the questions right” he says his gentle smile making you feel warmer.
(SORRY THIS IS BAD ILL WORK ON IT BETTER SOON ENOUGH, I WAS MEANT TO PUT THIS IS DRAFTS BUT ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT)
#yandere male x reader#yandere oc smut#yandere oc x reader#yandere male x reader smut#yandere oc x reader smut#yandere smut#yandere stepdad
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Idk f theres been a lot of people sending in requests
Could you do a story with James where he had a bad day in the studio and he came home late so you comfort him? (if this makes sense)
JAMES HETFIELD
bad day, gn reader (🍒)
☆ 𝐀/𝐍; I WANNA HOLD HIM 😢 i hope this is what you wanted, if not send me a dm or another ask and ill fix it! IM IN MY ACTIVE ERA GUYS OMGG!!
☆ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; none.
i was laying in bed, waiting for him to get home. its 11:13 pm. james has been at the studio all day. of course, i missed him, but i knew he couldn't help it. they were trying to finish the first album they've done in years, while trying to work together as a band...and find a new bassist. i knew james had a lot on his plate, which is why i toughed it out, waiting for him.
i tried to wait for him every night, and i usually did. sometimes, i would fall victim to sleep before he got home, though. around about 11:40, he finally got home. i heard movement in the kitchen, guessing that he was probably eating the leftovers i put in the microwave for him.
usually, i tried to give him some space when he got home, before he came to bed, but tonight it took him a while. i decided to get up. when i got to the kitchen, his food was gone, and so was he. the tv was on in the living room, while he was sprawled out on the couch in his, recently, usual attire of jeans and a tanktop.
“you okay?” i ask, sitting on the edge of the couch. “mm fine.” he muttered. “you didn’t come to bed..” i say, gently cupping his cheek, running my thumb over his skin. his response is just a shrug. “do you want me to leave you alone?” i ask softly. i understood when he got distant or quiet. “no…lets go to bed.” i get up with him, following as he takes my hand.
i lay down with him, feeling his big hands on my waist, “how was your day?” he asked. “same stuff as everyday. how was your day?” i mumbled, my eyes meeting his in the dim light. “shitty.” he grumbled. i knew his days were stressful.
“what happened?” he laid down more, his head resting on my chest. “we still can’t finish a few songs…” my fingers gently card through his hair as i listen to him talk. “and lars is really pissing me off, more and more everyday. the therapy shit too.” i listen, kissing his head. “i'm sorry, hon. i wish it could be better."
"we may have a new bassist..i don't know yet." he mumbled, slowly relaxing more into the mattress. "thats great, james. what's his name?"
"robert. he's played for ozzy."
"well, if he's played for ozzy, he's gotta be great," i say as my fingers gently card through his hair, "have you guys been able to get to know him yet?" james nods, "a bit. he's alright." but i knew what that meant, the band was most likely going to hire robert, james was just being subtle. "i don't care, though, it's just another bassist."
my eyebrows furrow a bit, "hey, none of that..he's not just another bassist. he will be your bassist. this time, you need to do different, yeah? knock off the tough guy crap, treat him with respect." he sighs, "i know, i know."
"if you know, then you shouldn't have to worry about it. just let it happen. if he seems like a cool guy, i bet he really is." i say, "and for everything else going on, i know it sucks, but just remember you can always fall back on me. i'm always here."
"i know...i appreciate you more than you know." his arms wrap tighter around me as he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck.
#bl00dycraniumm#writing#axel writes#axel writes 🦴#metallica#james hetfield#x reader#james hetfield x reader#fluff#fanfiction#metallica fanfiction#ミ★ 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐒 !
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im feeling such a loser
#i lost my job last week .... now ive been searching for some its been tough tho#i see people in my age studying ... complaining about their busy lifes#and im here in my room all day i feel like shit#i try to be resilient i consider myself resilient but its difficult#i try to not compare myself but comeon at some degree we do this... we all we just pretend we dont but we do#bye im gonna cry for a little bit#^ctext
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so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi prime defenders spoilers#jrwi pd spoilers#jrwi pd#william wisp#vyncent sol#THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it.#BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece#i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW)#that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that#if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles.#open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho#BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses...#lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH#FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE#i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony#recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day#ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw-#-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM-#-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS#its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not#well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i-#-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!!#i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i
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I fucking hate my parents so much
I hate how dismissive they are of my mental health issues
I hate how they act like I’m not depressed even though they were there when I was diagnosed
I hate how when they find out I cut myself they yell at me and talk about how much it’s hurting them instead of thinking about me
I hate how they never think about how I feel about something when they make a big decision that affects MY life
I them so fucking much
#I hate how they yell at me when I’m not all sunshine’s and rainbows after being around people all day without a break even though they know#Im an introvert who’s needs breaks#I hate how they yell at me for stimming#And make threats#like taking away my phone#And taking away literally everything in my room and saying I’ll sleep on the floor#and now it doesn’t even feel like home is much of a safe space anymore#like it was supposed to be a break from school#from everything shitting outside and now all I do here is cry and get yelled at#this could’ve been on the notes app instead of my tumblr account sorry about that
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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i do not want to live here anymore
#font mind me just crying on my living room floor#i feel like i cant ask my dad for anything bc im already asking so much of him#he pays my phone bill#i live rent free here#hes paying for my schooling which is expensive where i go#i feel like i cant ask for a better phone or his help with living somewhere else while i go to school#and we cant hangout and do fun stuff like trips bc i feel like i dont deserve time off if im not doing great in school#and i dont feel like i have the time either bc im bad at school and i worry abt future grades and hw ive been assigned#bc this hw is supposed to be 'easy' and its not#its fucking difficult and i dont have any accommodations bc im scared of drs and i dont want a diagnoses fucking up my future#bc it will. the world is ableist#theres no lying abt that. we get fucked over#and no one understands our pain bc able-bodied ppl are given better jobs bc they can physically afford those long grueling hours#i cant hold a 9-5. it taxes my body too much#and 4 work days a week is at most all i can handle really. thats not good pay#minimum wage is shit here#i cant afford a life without a career#i cant have a career without a degree#i cant have a degree without money to pay for it#and i dont have money cuz i dont have a job#bc im sick
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Dont read these tags its sad stupid shit
#sometimes lately ive been feeling like. good and not so depressed and like#psyched i can be proud of myself and start something new#and then i remember like. my boy is gone forever#and wont ever come back and ill never see him again no matter what#and its like ohhhhhh it is meaningless..#idk. lately theres so much new stuff#i wish someone would come back from the past eager to know me again just to hold on to something for a second from the person i used to be#when he was still with me#idk i dont wven feel like myself anymore#hard to reconcile#there was a line in white nights earlier youve reconciled me with myself#he said to the lady he met on the street and is obsessed with#i think its a kinda bad translation but what a sweet earnest thing to say#😵💫#sorry guys i hope no onw reads this#im sooo bad w grief#i have very little in the way of like. anythingnfrom my past or family support that gives me access to my childhood#vent#uhhhhh isk what tontag this#vent post#tw sad shit#i guess#pet grief#my boy is my late cat. i knownits stupid to be so attached to a cat like socially....seen as superfluous#but i was friendless and lived alone for age18-25 with just him 😵💫 even when we lived in one room all my shitnshoved to the walls#idkkkkkk k kk k k k i just feel like. everything is happening now in an epilogue of a book thats been over since he died#and idk why i am still here. kinda. in a basic way#i just have a job to have something to do during the day and i guess groceries. i dont even like eating anymore its so cumbersome#damn idk#tryin to buy smth on best buy dot com really set me off jfc
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GRRRRR I HATE IT HERE I HATE LIVING WITH MY DAD AND STEPMOM IT'S THE WORST!!!!! I AM FUCKING MISERABLE.
#weed screams#i just wanna snap and yell at them for traumatizing me. I'm so angry. I'm so pissed that I've had to deal with so much bullshit here#I've only been here a week after moving out of the apartment i shared with my brother and I'm already going insane again#i have to buy my own food despite there being plenty in the house. I'm not allowed to bring dishes to my room even for just a few minutes.#there's two large excitable not well trained dogs that bite and scratch me#the cats in the house have to hide in the basement all day (to avoid the dogs) and i feel so bad for them#i feel like im the only one who actually tries to relate to my stepsister. i feel bad knowing she has to stay here too.#my stepmom makes rules without TELLING ME. and then gets all bothered when i don't automatically pick up on em#and the wifi sucks shit so i can't play splatoon#i can't wait to move to New York i just have to wait a little bit longer#enduring the horrors once more till i can escape to the big city#this living situation is both infuriating and saddening. there is NO REASON to justify how stressful it is to be here.#like. when i moved out of this place the first time my mental health improved so suddenly my therapist said i didn't need to see him anymore#that's not a fucking coincidence. my stress and anxiety has a root source and it's this hellhole of a house.
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i had a dream i had a beautiful loving friendship with gus fring to match the one where i was besties with mike. im so broken take me BACK!!!!!
#i could FIX him#alsooooo jesse was there i think he like. helped save gus at some point idk#i was like god damn best episode EVARRRR. heartbroken#i dont rlly remember the details i kinda slept like shit so im a bit scrambled#but ik we were fucking around w like.. game code? to make a pet shop?#so fucking random#we made a starfish and fucked up dog. there was a pool. a guy tried to kill gus. OH#he got shot and i had to stop him from bleeding out until the ambulance arrived#also he called. and cus they were super busy he was like ‘i can provide information aboyt felonies. also i have been shot in the chest’ LOL#wtf mike got shot in my dream abt him too. why thats so random#there was also a separate dream abt ummm. idk some sort of puzzle thing we had to do as a team…? saul was there. he set a fire as a scheme#but the fire ppl wouldnt come until he said there were ppl inside 😭#idk if i ever talked abt the mike dream here actually.#we were just friends…. besties… and he got SNIPED…….. and i tried to save him but he died#it was so sad the next day i was sad like all morning#feels similar now. miss u gus#^^^ EFFECTS OF ZERO FRIENDS#ummm anyway. more updates#i bought a meta quest like on impulse cus i saw they were cheaper now. the thing fucking sucks but vr is so awesome#ive been mostly playing beat saber cus my room is teeny tiny so i cant rlly safely turn#i started making my own map w a patricia taxxon song. SUPER fun i can see this becoming a new hobby#ive also been fucking around in vrchat a little. that shit is mindblowing#so immersive. its like unbelievable#ive only been playing that solo rn bc im shy and also testinb how well my laptop csn hsndle it LOL….#but its so awesome. i feel like a little kid#i had to get a better headstrap and face pad bc the stock pne is So bad. like i camt wear it for more thsn like 20 mins at a time#so maybe when that comes i will muster up the courage to go into public worlds#best world i have visted so far. udons bird sanctuary. i think irs called#U CAN FEED DUCKSSSSS. WAAAAGHHHH#one day i want to make my own avatar too. im feeling the inspiration
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i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.
#its so difficult#sometimes its too much to handle#yeah particularly today im just.. screaming internally#and the inability to do something YOU LOVE due to your brain having one of those bad days so everything feels fucking BAD is just so unfAIR#its frustrating#the only thing you can do is sob apparently#my room doesnt feel like my room anymore all i feel is fear and dread#i just dont understand why and how it came to this point i want out#nothing grounds me to reality or to my normal state and im afraid#instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time#i will be painfully aware of numbers and wb scared of them and then ill just not move at all immobilized at place#i cant#all i could do is desperately bother my friends trying to connect to them and hiding that obvious ache#i dont have capacity to soothe myself with my favorite guys and gals from games and movies i dont feel anything at all#and i hate that but also i cant do anything im so idk what i feel like but like im not anything#i lost myself i lost my favorite things to do and my hobbies and my spark and everything i dont even know anymore#on small bad days you could conjure a good thoughts and watch somethinf and think about what makes you happy#theres a void in my head now that just counts and counts and counts and cant do nothing#i will just open up a chat w friends and look at empty textspace i want to connect so badly but i wont send anything just freeze still#i dont feel that im in here but i want badly to be here and yet i cant grasp anything to still keep myself real#and like i have a feeling that in next 2 hours I'll just vanish spmething bad will happn carcrash orso i cantbe spendin much timeon anythin#i hate this#suddenly your brain just want you dead and fills you with dread unimaginable and my dumbass thinks that it's right#that my brain is right and im inclined to believe in this shit. im not but deep down i kind of is so thats why this anxiety causes me probl#ms for the whole week i didnt done anything i just could not i want it to stop#its so sure of itself that i will pass away in couple of hours by unknown reasons that it imagined so why even try
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Spent the whole day at the gym and working on unpacking/setting up my childhood bedroom again and truly i am fuckin EXHAUSTED
#thoughts#the gym was great bc endorphins and i can feel myself getting stronger#the unpacking/setting up my room is just such a fucking pain in the ass and i still have BARELY made a dent with it#tomorrows a new day to do all that but good god can i just not do that it is TIRING#does not help that i soent the last three or four hours setting up my desk and putting my figures on my shelves but whatever#my desk is done tho and my anime figures found a new home on my shelving and tbh thats good enough#also my horror movies are all up here now hehehe they almost took up two shelves#overall i have made progress even if it doesnt feel like it and at least i have more of my personality back in my room#even if its my childhood bedroom and i feel like shit that im back here but its FINE ITS TOTALLY FINE AND DANDY
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I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn
#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist#anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind#nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work#into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup.#can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro#what the hell okay fine#well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every#part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again#I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge#fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my#brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame#for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man#idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs#which is good that means it’s working#I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake#later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently
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i feel like such a prissy princess whenever i mildly complain about doing things after work -_-
#👽 < text tag#i got home from work 2 hours ago & my feet still hurt because my whole freakin' job is running around all day doing shit#& i come home & the first words out of my moms mouth are “So do you feel like doing any mopping today? :)”#my mother. who. does not have a job. like i feel insane complaining about household chores but also IM TIRED!!!#why are you asking ME to mop ?! i dont feel like im allowed to LEAVE MY ROOM NOW unless its to CLEAN!! I NEED TO MAKE DINNER!!!!#also “feel like” Fucking feel like ?!?! that's so goddamn rude. ive been OUT OF THE HOUSE ALL DAY#but No i didn't mop because i just didnt Feeeeel like it. God. like i dont know what the proper etiquette in this type of situation is#but i dont like whatever the fuck is going on here. its weird and strange
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#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i#shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and#i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but#like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure.#whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i#should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh.#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i#do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18#days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno#how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do#something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do#i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its#like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be#miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do?#try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can#tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends?#id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st#roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can#never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated#unrelated
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tiktok does nothing but show me videos of people deep cleaning their houses and depression rooms so uhm. I'm taking that as a sign
#i should also start cleaning the storage room bc i haven't touched it since i moved here#only shoved shit in lol#im so scared of that room bc i feel like there's spiders hiding in there lmao#but aah. i have to organise it a little#i left the door open the other day and now the cats beg me to open the door for them all the time lol#my anxiety has been really bad again and i've been laying in bed since friday bc i have no motivation to do anything so i have to get my#shit together i guess
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