#from everything shitting outside and now all I do here is cry and get yelled at

[maggotmold]

I fucking hate my parents so much

I hate how dismissive they are of my mental health issues

I hate how they act like I’m not depressed even though they were there when I was diagnosed

I hate how when they find out I cut myself they yell at me and talk about how much it’s hurting them instead of thinking about me

I hate how they never think about how I feel about something when they make a big decision that affects MY life

I them so fucking much

[meadowfics]

insomnia

thanos x f!reader

nobody is unfamiliar with sleep besides you, luckily your boyfriend helps

warnings: insomnia. brief mentions of sex but no smut. fears of home invasion. medicine. this writing was sorta rushed.

sleep has never come easy to you. not as a kid, not as a teenager, and certainly not now.

your body is wired for survival, for vigilance.

as a child, the nights were filled with the sounds of your parents arguing, sharp words cutting through the thin walls of your bedroom.

on quieter nights, it was your siblings, their voices rising and falling in frustration, sometimes slamming doors, sometimes crying, sometimes just the eerie silence of people refusing to speak to one another.

you learned quickly that nighttime wasn’t peaceful... it was when things fell apart without the crowd.

even when there wasn’t fighting, your mind still found ways to keep you awake.

the fear of a home invasion sat heavily on your chest, a constant weight pressing against your ribs. you would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening for the creak of floorboards, the sound of a door handle turning, proof that someone had broken in.

it never happened, but that didn’t matter. the fear was real enough to keep your eyes open, to keep your muscles tight and ready to run.

now, years later, you live in an apartment with your boyfriend, thanos, and your three closest friends, namgyu, se-mi, and minsu. it’s a good setup, a safe one. there’s laughter here, warmth, a feeling of belonging. but still, sleep refuses to come.

you lie in bed beside thanos most nights, scrolling through your phone, the dim light reflecting in your tired eyes.

sometimes you watch tv at the lowest possible volume, subtitles on, just to have something to focus on other than the silence. other nights, you game with se-mi, the two of you whispering through your headsets, laughing quietly while namgyu yells at you both to go to bed.

eventually, though, they all sleep.

before 4 a.m., they’re gone, lost in their dreams. you? you stay awake.

when you do manage to drift off, it never lasts. the smallest thing can pull you back into consciousness. the rustling of blankets, the hum of a car outside, thanos shifting in his sleep.

sometimes he mumbles...little incoherent rap phrases, sometimes soft, sometimes urgent, and that’s all it takes for your eyes to snap open.

your body tenses as if waiting for something worse, as if expecting a fight, a confrontation, a danger that never comes.

by 5 a.m., you usually give up entirely. you slip out of bed, feet silent against the floor, and make your way to the kitchen.

if you can’t sleep, you can at least do something productive. cooking is a distraction, a way to pass the hours. you whisk eggs, toast bread, slice fruit,

sometimes even make pancakes if you feel like putting in the effort. the smell fills the apartment, warm and inviting, though no one is awake to appreciate it yet.

thanos notices, of course. he notices everything about you.

“you’re doing that shit again,” he mutters one morning, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he leans against the doorway.

“doing what?” you ask, playing dumb, though you already know.

he gestures vaguely.

“this. not sleeping. cooking at ungodly hours.”

you shrug.

“gotta do something.”

he sighs, stepping closer, resting a hand on your waist.

“I know I can't talk but... it’s not healthy, babe.”

he tries everything to help.

back massages, soft and slow, his hands working gently over your tense muscles. it feels nice, but it doesn’t help you sleep. sometimes, it just needs into good sex where he is behind you. afterwards, you get to sleep but not for too long.

thano's downloads white noise apps, the sound of rain filling the room, the distant rumble of thunder. it works at first, you drift off faster...but then you wake up an hour later, disoriented, heart pounding for no reason.

one night, after another failed attempt at getting you to fully rest for multiple hours, he exhales sharply, frustrated.

“you should see a doctor or something.”

you snort, barely looking up from your phone.

“for what?”

“i don’t know, maybe they’ll give you some pills or something.”

you shoot him a teasing glance.

“what, you gonna steal ‘em?”

he rolls his eyes but smirks.

“i wouldn’t steal from you. but if it was namgyu or minsu… maybe.”

you laugh at that, shaking your head, and he leans over, pressing a kiss to your temple.

still, the idea lingers in your mind.

eventually, you take his advice. you’re exhausted, you know that much. even when you force yourself to get through the day, your body drags, your movements slow.

when you finally see a doctor, they take one look at you and can already tell. you can see it in their expression, the concern, the recognition of someone running on fumes. they prescribe hydroxyzine.

you don’t expect much.

you’ve tried things before being with thanos, and nothing ever really worked. that night, for the first time in as long as you can remember, sleep comes easily.

you don’t fight for it. it just… happens.

it’s not perfect.

some nights, the fear still creeps in.

some nights, you still wake up too early. but there’s progress.

thanos stays with you through it all. he still gives you massages, still makes you tea before bed, still hums soft songs in your ear when you curl up against him.

sometimes, he just runs his fingers through your hair, slow and repetitive, the motion lulling you to rest.

it’s not an instant fix but sleep doesn’t feel like the enemy anymore.

masterlist

[fluff-n-cookies]

Hello :)

Could you please do and platonic Aizawa x daughter reader?

His daughter is in her teen years so she is being like really rebel and all that so they fought a lot, but one day she just breaksdown during one fight and starts crying and apologizing for being a shitty daughter?

I have been avoiding this for so long, and it's all because I have no idea how aizawa would handle something like this. because it goes against everything that Aizawa would try and teach his kid so this may be a little forcefully written, apologies.

TW : unhealthy parenting, mental illness, some suicidal thoughts, probably angsty shit, I dunno, read at your own risk.

We can start this by walking through how this may start in the first place. I think the best place to start is that reader's mom left her and Aizawa when she was very young, and Aizawa, assuming here he didn't understand how to properly tell her why her mother left her, never tells her why.

Now reader is very young so she might blame one of two things.

herself

her father

While both instances would technically work, I think the more favorable option is she blames herself since a young child would probably never blame an adult they look up to and hold dear as the problem.

Up to this point her father has been really kind to her so the only other variable is her, this spirals into social anxiety, low self esteem, and depression. all of which don't help when you have an absent mother and a neglectful father who is both a teacher and a full time hero, which leaves little to no room for children.

(this is also why I think it isn't realistic for Aizawa to keep Eri or a child without another non-hero caretaker. Fight me, I dare you.)

As time goes on, and this child becomes a teenager, she might not know how to properly express her feeling and after being misguided by factors like the internet, other adults, and "friends" she might take out the feeling of being abandoned on her closest caretaker and another source of her problems; Aizawa.

if you purposely yell at him or start arguments it's not going to be very fun because Aizawa has this complex where if his students or other heros represent incompetence or arrogance he expels them or ignores him rather than explaining it to them and helping them improve, this is especially with students.

and since he lacks a true connection with you as his daughter mainly because of his job(s) and past with Oboro which he is still trying to heal from keeping him from bonding with you, he'll treat you as a student like the rest of the teenagers he knows. and even then, you may actually be treated worse than his students because while he interacts with them daily, he interacts with maybe 1 hour every other day.

so from all that he simply ignores you, just stops interacting with you entirely, he's too tired for your bullshit. this action makes the wedge between you two even worse.

if you keep persisting though he will yell back but it's often really short and really loud. something like "SHUT UP" a cold "I don't care." before slamming the door in your face. He knows it's probably not right to do that to your daughter but let's face it. you're just this annoying teenager he legally has to live with if he doesn't want to lose his hero and teaching license.

this is where things actually get very interesting, because let's assume he stops approaching you entirely, you just live in the same house nothing more than that, and while you may act like you hate your father for ruining your family and neglecting you all your life on the outside, remember, you're still that little kid in second grade that blames yourself for your mother leaving and your father not caring for you.

so let's say you realize this and go back to blaming yourself for everything like you did when you where a kid but since your father stopped talking to you entirely explaining your faults to him maybe difficult.

this where my personal experiences come in, I've actually had this happen to me in my own life, and I truely hope that you'll enjoy it. thank you.

---------

why is it that the voices are the loudest in the dead of night?

the moon is gone, the birds are silent, there isn't a single light that shines on your tear streaked face, puffly, swollen, sad, just sad.

years of confusion, neglect, a lack of love in it's purest form.

all because of you.

it's all because of you.

it's sings so prettily, like it's a church choir spreading the word of the lord like it's common knowledge.

it's common knowledge that you are a terrible person!

it cackles.

the urge to strangle yourself to finally feel some relief has never been stronger.

lie awake in the dead of night, in pitch darkness, a proper scenery to match ones broken and cracked soul, be careful, you might hurt yourself, again.

however, one cannot weep in their wallows forever.

the night has to make way for the morning sun.

and a relaxed self pity has to make way to dread.

dread.

dread of him, he who you blame for everything, everything you know is your fault.

it's all your fault.

a click at the door,

the creak of the old wood and the hinges never oiled.

mild thumping footsteps that wander around the apartment that can barely hold your overflowing buckets of tears.

you can mumble out all your pleas.

pleas that this is all a terrible nightmare and your real life is actually one with a kind and loving mother and a supportive and encouraging father.

mumble out the little lies that you made up all these years to make yourself feel worse and other better.

"it's pointless to keep trying."

"I wish I wasn't here."

"why can't I just be happy?"

"it's all my fault,

it's all my fault,

it's all my fault."

the thin walls don't do those in mourning justice though.

for the wind is calm, the branches don't dare to move, the owls, the bats, the sleeping heros in training downstairs don't make a peep.

for the only ones alive, awake, aware, is a man beaten down and broken by society serving as it's protector, ignoring the one in most need of protection all this time. With him is a girl. a girl that's scared, scared of her mirror image that haunts her, a girl who's cried an ocean, screamed a thousand wails of pain, a girl lost in her own heart,

"No wonder no one loves you."

you lie again.

but keen ears trained from years of work with villains hears you, for the first time, he hears you.

not the rebellious teen he's seen yell out strings of pure hatred and fiery insults like he's her own worst enemy.

it's the girl who he saw waiting on the steps to their apartment all those years ago. waiting for her mama to come back home with the promise of cupcakes.

it's the girl who never smiled for the remainder of elementary school.

it's the girl who's heart withered way that autumn evening.

he heard the softest little voice in the dead of night. he heard his daughter cry

"No wonder no one loves you."

.

.

.

"But I love you."

for that whole night, for that whole night.

the peace was disturbed.

for that whole night, it seemed that the moon shone once again.

it may not be the sun. but it'll do for now.

Aizawa walked away shortly after that.

leaving a little girls and her mirror image to ponder.

ponder.

---------

Afterwards I don't think he'd talk about it too much, he's proabably approach you after breakfast the next morning and tell you "you can talk to him about it if you want." but not much more than that

he definitely would change his practices though. like getting you a therapist, taking the weekends off in favor of being around the house more.

he'll let you get used to his presence first like one would with a cat, and one day. maybe years later, or tomorrow, you'll talk to him.

you'll tell him you love him too.

and maybe.

just maybe.

the world will stop,

and everything will be okay.

[okaysonny]

strange encounters in suwon // samuel seo

★ summary: a food stall in the derelict area of suwon brings interesting customers.

★ details: angsty + lore heavy, takes place in 407 (first gen king arc), f! reader, sammy thinks about family, big deal + hostel mentioned, very 'in his thoughts'.

★ wc: 1.6k

★ A/N: hohoho...so i did the thing. first time posting a fic ever :') tried my very best! divider credits.

"here's your grilled eel" "thank you"

so. how was his week? shit, to be frank. belittled in front of his boss, grabbed by the chin, blasted by fire extinguishers, and having to play chauffeur. for eli jang of all people.

hostel's head. the only thing he produced in three years was crap haircuts. yet eugene put him in charge of the fifth affiliate. everything samuel clawed his way up for was given to eli in a day. and why? just because of the past?

it struck a nerve. he struck a nerve. so badly that they almost fought naked in a public bath. he'd never admit the whole situation was slightly embarrassing.

…

"dad...are those guys scary people?" "i-it's okay! dad will protect you!"

family, huh? it's what eli and warren were doing this for. but to him, the concept was almost foreign. even more foreign than learning japanese. and jesus christ, that was a pain in the ass.

whatever. he brought the shot glass to his lips. if he was stuck babysitting dom torretto and friends, he should enjoy the break from it while he could. that is until a hand prevented him.

"stop! you look like you're still a minor. you shouldn't be drinking!"

the fuck? he looked up. a girl. the one who served him grilled eel. they looked the same age, but she obviously didn't think so.

"where are you from? did you run away from home? your family must be worried sick!"

that word again. he took a chug absentmindedly. "i'm not a minor"

"oh my god! what are you doing?!" she pinched her nose in frustration. as if he was in the wrong here.

"look…can you just put the bottle away, please?" her voice was brought to a whisper. "i don't want to give my aunt over there a hard time"

he glanced to the front, where an older woman was washing pans. her forehead was sleek with sweat. anyway, what was the point in whispering when she just yelled earlier?

"how would i be giving her a hard time if i'm not a minor?"

"that's bullshit! you're definitely a minor. you're not fooling me!"

his felt his jaw clench as he plastered the usual corporate smile. can't even relax in some measly food stall, for crying out loud. he wordlessly took out his wallet and fished for his driver's license. "happy now?"

complete silence as she read the date of birth. a pink bloom suddenly touched her cheeks. "same age…? i'm sorry about that. you just really looked like a minor, tattoo guy!"

oh. that caused the smile to drop. "…tattoo guy? you should be treating customers with more manners than that"

she furrowed her brows in confusion, as if what he said was unfathomable. "…customers?! we barely get any nowadays! you must be a tourist! everyone avoids food stalls like this because of a staffing agency. they chase the owners out to redevelop the area. no one wants to be part of a thug fight, so they keep away"

she smiled, but there was no sincerity behind it. samuel was familiar with the sort.

"they always pester my auntie to move, y'know? it's a miracle this place is still up. i keep telling her to find a spot outside suwon, but she won't budge! 'suwon belongs to the people' she says. so…i have to look after her. who knows when they'll come back again?"

cool story. one he was familiar with. he just wanted a drink, to be honest. before he could express so, she continued. "…what about you? do you have someone you look out for?"

…no? the answer was no. obviously. "does it matter?"

an evil grin formed on her, almost cartoonish. "you basically just answered my question! so, you don't?"

she gazed back to the front, to the woman who was now wiping down the cutlery. her eyes crinkled at the corners before turning back to him.

"hang around my auntie for a day - she'll change your mind!"

…why does this girl sound like a hallmark movie? sentimental people like this are easy to exploit. it's why eli and warren were workers now. it's why sinu spent so long in their captivity. it's why jake's dumbass got arrested.

fine, he'll humour her. the stall was getting destroyed soon anyway. "…not everyone is fortunate enough to have those people"

her lips pursed. he got her there.

well. he thought so until she spoke again.

"…who said anything about fortune?! hmm…" she looked at him, as if for the first time.

"alright, tattoo guy. i see you have a strained relationship with your family. but that's why you build those connections yourself! with nicer people"

he clamped his eyes shut in irritation. "…look-"

nope. her monologues knew no end.

"it wasn't even my plan to work here actually. my parents made me! they were too busy to mind her themselves. but i'm so glad they did, because she's the best! i would've never known! i'm not trying to sound cliché or anything, but there's always someone"

cliché? at least she's self-aware.

it seemed his thoughts had a mind of its own as they drifted.

"All we're missing is you lol" "f u"

gross. why'd he think of that?

annoyance dug into him. eli and warren would be waiting for him soon. what a waste of a break this was.

"…can i just finish my meal?"

she thankfully decided to spare him. "oh…right. sorry-"

"what's going on here? why haven't you packed up yet? we told you to vacate this area"

he didn't need to look up. seokdu staffing agency. a lot of them. how unfortunate. his eyes were glued to the empty glass. he still saw that girl's hands start to tremble from the corners.

CLANG

"old farts like you just don't listen unless we use force" "you bastards! how are people like me supposed to survive?!" "not my problem, bitch"

she reached for something in her pocket. looked like a tazer. even so, he could still see her hands trembling.

seemed like the woman noticed. "…are you crazy?! get back inside! i'll handle it, so don't worry!"

…

"dad...are those guys scary people?" "i-it's okay! dad will protect you!"

for fuck's sake. "excuse me…can i get another bottle of soju?"

...?

the next few minutes were honestly a blur. he fought those staffing agency lackeys. then that changyong guy brought excitement in him, but he turned out like those ansan kids. samuel was simply too strong for the majority. a double-edged sword indeed.

as he took a drag on his cigarette, he noticed that girl and her aunt. they were gripping each other the whole time. as if that would magically put them in less danger.

the stall was destroyed. not solely because of the staffing agency, but still.

"child! are you okay? you're not hurt or anything?" "seriously, i'm fine! but…your stall. it's ruined"

"never mind about that! all that matters is your safety right now! and when the hell did you get that tazer?"

…seriously, was this a hallmark movie?

he took out his wallet again, pocketing his id first before handing it to the woman.

"let me pay my bill" "y-young man?! why did you give us your wallet?"

he really could've left without paying. what could they have done? but it didn't matter why. he won't miss a few bills.

"you can sell it and use the money. maybe open a nicer place…that grilled eel was decent"

right. the food. it would be a pity for good cuisine to not be tasted.

he turned for the exit...but nope, the same hand stopped him yet again.

"wait! it's not the wallet. there's so much money in this! are you really just giving this to us?"

was this girl serious? did she expect him to take it back now? …the money wasn’t for them — it was for him. a quick fix for the nagging voice in the back of his head.

"it's chump change to me. just take it" "…tattoo guy! thank you! so you were a good person after all!"

a good person. that was a new one. has anyone said that before? not jake. not sinu. not even alexander. people he begrudgingly spent months with. but she came to that conclusion from some bills and a few minutes of forced conversation?

if she’d seen a fraction of what he’d done, she’d choke. a good person. the words felt bizarre. like they belonged to someone else entirely.

"…it's fine. and…i have no family. i never had one" he began his retreat back to the car, to the slightly smaller car that replaced his fire-extinguished one.

…footsteps? oh for fuck's sake-

"thank you!" she called out. "i hope you visit suwon again! your next meals on the house!"

truly a hallmark movie. but samuel wasn't coming back. suwon was merely one of the many stops the fifth affiliate had to make.

he gets in the car and sets his glasses down, glancing at the suit he had to change into soon. the taste of eel still lingered.

there was really nothing special about her. in fact, she was quite annoying. accused him of being underage and tried to give him a therapy session.

and yet. that girl so unlike him, so oblivious to how the world really worked, her vibrance such a contrast to his dullness. it almost fascinated him. must be the soju.

yes, he wasn't coming back. he preferred seoul by a landslide.

as he drove past, he could see the two of them laughing together, even though they had to start all over again.

the concept felt slightly, just slightly, less foreign.

family, huh?

[chanelgrll]

greetings! is it alright if you could do ronin taking care of reader who has trouble remembering to eat, shower or just do any self care? i love your writing! :)

A/N: ofc and thank you! I'm finally done my midterms so I'm locking in to do my reqs

Self care struggles

It started small. A message here or there he hadn’t gotten a reply to. A joke in the server that you usually would’ve shot back a sarcastic response to, but you didn’t. Going to bed early, refusing to turn your camera on. Then the voice call a few nights ago. Your voice had been thin. Strained. Like your throat was tight, your breath shallow.

And Ronin, well. He knew what the fuck that sounded like. He’d seen Angel go through the exact same thing. He didn't push at first, kept reminding you to eat, take care of yourself, drink water. You just kept brushing it off every time. "It's fine Ro! Just stress!" "I'm bound to have a few sleepless nights after my book blowing up!" Bullshit, Ronin wasn't having any of those shit excuses. . You were stubborn as hell sometimes, always trying to act like everything was fine. It was nearing midnight when he finally messaged you direct.

<goreboy> Open your damn door. I’m outside.

You didn’t answer the server all day, everyone was worried about you. But a minute later, barefoot, sweatshirt hanging off one shoulder, eyes hollow, you cracked the door open. Ronin took one look at you and his mouth pressed into a grim line. Your hair was a tangled mess. There were shadows under your eyes dark enough to bruise. You looked, small, weak.

His voice came low and rough. “Darlin’... when’s the last time you fuckin’ ate?” You blinked, as if the question didn’t make sense. Opened your mouth. Closed it again. “That’s what I thought,” he said gently, pushing past the door and kicking it shut with his shoe.

You sagged against the wall, like you barely had the strength to argue. “I’m fine,” you whispered weakly. “Just... forgot... wasn’t hungry...”

“Bullshit.” He didn't sound angry, but his voice was laced with worry. He crouched in front of you, hands braced on his knees. “Y/N, I can see you ain’t fine. I know you haven't been taking good care of yourself even when you say you will, I can read ya like an open book." You stood there silently, eyes focused on the floor beneath you trying not to cry. “I didn’t mean to...” you choked. “I just... I can’t, I couldn’t keep track.. I'm so exhausted and I-I meant to get up and then it was night and then—” Ronin’s arms came around you before you could finish. “Stop. Stop that,” he murmured rough against your hair. “No fuckin’ shame here, you hear me? You don’t owe the devil an explanation.” He pulled back enough to look in your eyes. “But you are gonna let me help you tonight. You trust me?” A shaky nod. A breath hitched. He ruffled your hair with a smile, and picks you up in his arms.

And just like that, Ronin shifted into full-care mode. He carried you gently into the bathroom. Turned the water on warm and placed you down. “Can you stand on your own?” he asked softly. You nodded again, cheeks burning, part from embarrassment and part from just thinking about how much you love your boyfriend for helping you like this. Ronin leaned down, brushing a kiss to your temple. “Good. I’ll be right outside. You yell if you need me.”

You half expected him to peek, tease you, but he didn’t. The moment you started the water, he stood guard silent as a wall outside the door, giving you space but not leaving.

When you emerged, still damp-haired and swallowed in one of his shirts (he must’ve pulled it from his bag), he was waiting with a bowl of soup already heated.

“C’mere. Couch,” he ordered gently. You let him pull you into his lap like a ragdoll. One arm wrapped around your waist, holding you safe and steady, while the other hand spooned soup up to your lips.

“I can—” you tried faintly.

“Nope. Not tonight,” he said simply. “You’ve done more’n enough. Now you let me take over for a bit.” And you did. Let your head tip against his shoulder. Let him place bite after bite past your lips. Let your body rest against his warmth, trembling slowly easing.

When the bowl was empty, he pressed a kiss to your temple. “'You did fuckin’ perfect.” he praised. Your eyes stung again. You hadn’t realized how much you’d missed this. How badly you’d wanted someone to just... see you. It felt pathetic forgetting to do basic things for yourself, or just not feeling motivated to get out of your bed. Ronin never let you feel bad for struggling.

Ronin’s voice came low. “You ain’t weak. You ain’t lazy. Your brain just fuckin’ turns against you sometimes, yeah? Happens to all of us.” His grip tightened a little, anchoring you. “But you listen good, sweetheart, you ain’t alone in it anymore. Not while I’m here, even the devil can be helpful." A tear slid down your cheek.

“You need food? I’ll make it.” “You need a shower? I’ll stand guard.” “You need sleep? You’ll do it in my arms, so you know you’re safe.”

His voice turned fierce. “And next time this starts creepin’ up on you? You fuckin’ call me. I don’t care if it’s 4 AM. I don’t care if you think it’s stupid. You don’t have to fight this alone anymore.”

You buried your face in his chest, breath breaking. “Okay,” you whispered. “Okay. I promise.” Ronin ran his fingers through your hair, noticing the small tangles still lingering even after your shower. He grabbed your hairbrush from a drawer, and sat you between his legs facing away from him. He turned on a film for the two of you to watch while he gently brushed your hair with the same hands that brutally killed people moments before. Your heart warmed, a small smile creeping on your face, feeling the amount of love the most wanted serial killer in the city was giving you. You turn to look at him, he pauses the motion and looks at you confused. You kiss his cheek and wrap your arms around him. "Thank you Ro... I love you." You could almost feel him smile back at your words. "Hah, love you too darlin'"

[sleepyangelkami]

MAKE IT BETTER e.williams

☆ WORD COUNT - 2.7K

ELLIE WILLIAMS X FEM!READER

☆ SUMMARY - patrol gone wrong, bumping into the wrong people and landing yourself in a situation where you can do nothing but cry and hope that your girlfriend and saviour can make everything better. her empty promises remain unsure on whether she can truly fix it or not.

☆ WARNINGS - guns, violence, blood, gunshot wound, angst, crying, swearing, gore, use of pet names, tinsey mention of smut (blink n it's gone), use of 'good girl' but not in a sexual way, intended lower case, happy ending guys dw!! nothing I write is ever proofread 🩷

your pants were heavy, blood gushing between your finger tips as your breaths heaved and your eyes blinked.

fuck, fuck, fuck.

your girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. weird, she was with you possibly five minutes ago. you had gotten separated when you needed her the most, as soon as she left your line of view, everything turned to shit. your wound bled at an alarming pace, blood oozing out between your fingers which desperately hung to your side in attempts to soothe it.

"where are you?" came the voice of a man, the man in which that had impaled your stomach with his knife already. there was no way you could escape him. he was too fast, too slick, too sly. "you can hide all you want but that wound is gonna slow you down." his voice sounded almost playful, as if he were having fun. perhaps he was, perhaps this was his idea of a good time. "i'm gonna find you eventually..." you could hear his footsteps walking around. "that's okay, i like a good chase."

the thought of him winning, grabbing a hold of you and doing whatever it was he was going to do, your stomach churned. you felt dizzy, partially at the thought, partially due to the blood around your stomach.

how did you even end up here?

"please, els." you were begging now, eyes big and glossy. how could ellie refuse? if there was one thing ellie could call a 'weakness' though she refused she had any, it was you.

she sighed, rolling her eyes. "sweetheart, why do you wanna come on patrol with me?" patrol could mean many things. it could mean going to each checkpoint and ticking off the boxes that there was no suspicious activity while holding hands and skipping. it could mean fighting a bunch of clickers while you yelled and stumbled about. ellie particularly hated taking down zombies when you were around. you were bashful, clumsy. sure, she loved you more than anything in the world but that was just it. she loved you so she didn't take her eyes off you, making sure you were safe rather than taking down the stalker running at her. sometimes, patrol meant being bent over one of the tables in the station, taking her strap like the good girl you were. patrols were never the same.

whatever would come of this patrol, you didn't care for there was only one thing on your mind. "wanna spend time with you." snuggling up against her.

as the air grew colder, you grew needier. there was nothing you loved more than being able to spend time with your lover especially in the cold winters of jackson. whether that was on patrol or snuggled together in your bed, you just wanted her.

her lips had pressed a chaste kiss to the crown of your head, smiling into your hair. "you're cute." you were naive, you knew it but you had ellie williams wrapped around your little finger. and she'd never know.

you stuck your head out from her chest, big grin dancing on your lips. "so can i go?" excitement bubbling in your chest. you hated it when ellie left you alone to go on patrol. more often than not you'd spend your time cooped up in the house, alone. ellie had begged dina and jesse to come get you multiple times, bring you outside for some fresh air or simply join you in the company of your home. but it didn't matter if jesus himself walked into your living room. as long as your girlfriend was away at patrol, you were a pouting mess. which is why you often opted for being alone. you would hate to think that you were making dina and jesse sad.

she rolled her eyes, lips turning up at their corners. "I guess, you can." and she heard that squeal that erupted from you, giggling as you jumped up and down. she could only roll her eyes again, though her smile was growing wider. she loved the days when you smiled, she hated the days when you cried. "c'mon, baby, we gotta go find your scarf." the white one in which has been lost for months now.

"you're not gonna find it." you shook your head as she searched the room, you had seated yourself up on the desk, legs dangling as your tongue danced across the lollipop between your fingers. when ellie said 'we have to find' she really means 'i' for she wouldn't dare let you lift a finger. if she had it her way, she'd be the one holding the lollipop to your mouth.

"yeah?" sticking her head out from the box she had been searching. her hair was sticking up in all directions. she left for patrol early in the morning, there was no point looking then. "why not?"

you shrugged your shoulders, tongue swirling around to taste the strawberry. " 's not gonna be there, been lookin' for ages." when you 'looked' for things, you barely skimmed, standing up and eyes bouncing off every wall in the room. you'd have given up in seconds.

there was a smirk dancing on her lips as her feet moved her to where you sat on the desk. her fingers reached up, taking the lollipop from your hold. "maybe you haven't been looking hard enough, angel." her tongue fell onto the strawberry sweet, swirling around. you stared,  hypnotised. there was something about the way she carried herself, that small, almost hidden smirk and the way she spoke. it made your stomach do cartwheels. but as you watched her tongue swirl around the lollipop that was only in between your lips a second ago, you found your thighs clenching together. how was it that she was the only one who made you feel this way? when she passed it back to you, your eyes were still strained on her lips and the little freckles above it, your stomach swooned and your head suddenly felt rather ditzy. you couldn't pull your eyes away from her lips. until, that was, she pulled out the scarf from behind her back. "found it." she spoke, before her lips met your own.

the lollipop wasn't the only thing you sucked that night (i'm so sorry)

you heaved out breaths, unsure of what to do. your brows were knit together in worry. "come on, angel, make this easy for me, won't you?" you squeezed your eyes shut closed. you wanted to be home by the fire with ellie, you wanted to be away from this man that made your hands shake and your stomach bleed.

you were sat behind a flipped over car, hands practically vibrating from how much they were shaking. where was ellie? you had lost sight of her ages ago, right before a knife had been plunged into your stomach. you didn't scream then, you wondered if she even knew you had been stabbed.

the man knew you were here, he hadn't seen ellie yet. you hadn't seen him at first, thinking the checkpoint was clear. it wasn't until your girlfriend grasped the edge of your scarf, bringing you down to crouch behind a wall with her that you realised you were not alone. when a bottle knocked over, he realised he wasn't alone either.

you were supposed to stay put, wait until ellie snuck up and attacked him before finding her. but you got worried, your stomach churned and your lip had been bitten raw. it had been too long since you'd seen her and you were beginning to get worried. you made the stupid choice of leaving your hiding space to go find her. now, you were sat with your hands holding the wound that you knew was your own fault.

"come out and i'll go easy." he was going to kill you, if the wound in your stomach didn't. your breaths began to get even more laboured. you didn't want to die. you still had so much you wanted to do. you couldn't die, not now, not because of him. the air grew silent, his foot steps stopped. somehow, it seemed even more scary when you couldn't tell where he was. you held one bloody hand over your mouth, covering it so he couldn't hear you breathe. the air was thick and your head turned, barely peaking over the edge of the car. you turned back, a face right next to you. "found you."

a scream fell from your lips, a blood curdling scream as you snatched your hand away.

you tried to run, thrashing against him as you made a swift exit. he grasped your wrist and despite the knife in your stomach, you kicked your leg upwards, hitting him right in the balls (dina had taught you well) it stumped him for a second and you barely managed to move away.

he let you think you could be free, he didn't allow the thought to last too long though. his hand reached out and grasped a hold of your leg, sending you flying to the ground.

you fell, knife piercing your stomach further. it hadn't been too deep earlier, but now? you were sure you were already dead. you didn't scream but your mouth was open, breaths falling irregularly. you wouldn't have been able to turn around until he flipped you over, he'd climbed on top of you.

he held another knife, pressing it against your tear stained cheek as he grinned. "I really did a number on you, didn't I angel?" his fingers danced on the top of the knife in your stomach. you almost wished he'd stick it in further and simply put you out of your misery. "how about i end this and just―"

it had ended, alright.

you watched as an arrow pierced straight through his scull, bloody edge sitting right between your eyes, not grazing your skin. his own mouth fell open, as yours had only he had been unlucky enough to not be able to close it. his eyes rolled back to the back of his head and his body slid off of yours.

crying, you managed to sit yourself up, back against the mossy wall, the knife was plunged in deep, your hands covered in blood, as was your face. "angel?" her voice was sweet and concerned, nothing alike his cold, teasing one. "shit, shit!"

"ellie?" you practically babbled, hands holding the knife. "hurts."

"i know, i know." despite her rushed tone, she still sounded so comforting. "you're gonna be okay, i'm right here, baby." and you almost believed her until you took notice of just how bloody your hands were. it was a deep red, coating every inch of them, you stared at them, unable to move. "can i have this?" she was already unwrapping the white scarf from across your neck. "thank you, sweetheart, you're doing so good." her words would have made your heart swell if it weren't for the fact that your eyes could barely stay open. "I have to take it out, okay?"

your eyes suddenly went wide, as if they hadn't been sleepy at all. you shook your head, tears falling rapidly. "els, no." a whimper falling from your lips. "don't wanna, please." you would have begged her not to. but you knew it wasn't fair. she was trying to help you, she had to help you but you didn't want her to rip the knife from your stomach.

"i know, baby but i have to." she moved you so that you fell limp against her shoulder. the knife twisted in your stomach. "hold my hand, there you go." your hand was in her own, holding it hard. "you can squeeze as hard as you want, okay? ready? three, two―" you cried into her shoulder, holding her hand so hard it might have fallen off if it weren't for the fact that she was holding on just as hard. "good girl, good girl, you did so well, see? it's done, it's over."

she used the scarf to tie around your waist, tightening it so she could keep the pressure. you watched as the red blood soaked the white fabric. " 'm gonna die, aren't i?" babbling as you cried into her shoulder, you couldn't pull your eyes from the blood that left your stomach. though, the pain had dulled and your eyes were heavy. "don' wanna die."

"hey, hey, look at me." your face sat between her palms as she looked into your eyes, comfort leaking into your heart as soon as she did so. "you're not gonna die, alright? you're gonna be fine, els' gonna make it all better, won't she?" speaking about herself in third person as if she wasn't right there.

you nodded, salty tears falling down your cheeks. "you're gonna make it better." you nodded to yourself, eyes opening and closing heavily.

"yeah, yeah i'm gonna make it all better. stay awake, baby, come on, open those pretty eyes f'me." but as much as she willed you to, your eyes couldn't stop fluttering open and closed, heavily blinking at her. "you're gonna be just fine, hold on, baby."

you didn't register when she hauled you onto shimmer, turning you so that your body was limp against her front, head leaning against her chest. you didn't register much actually. the pain dulled and the girl continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ear. but you couldn't hear now, too caught up in the ringing and how bright the sky seemed to be. your eyes were scrunched shut, head in her chest as you wished and prayed on every star that you'd wake up inside your shared home in jackson, eyes opening to reveal you sleepily smiling on ellie's chest.

you could pray all you want, there was no god coming to save you only ellie williams.

the sound of yelling made you open your eyes against the harsh light. you could make out the muffled yelling of the paramedics taking you away, yelling for certain materials. your eyes were strained on ellie who was being held back by one of the male nurses, James, you were sure his name was. you knew him because he and ellie hated one another. you remembered ellie telling you he was jackson's biggest dickhead and that she'd love to give him a 'knuckle sandwitch' which made you laugh in the moment but right now, nothing could make you laugh. your eyes never left her, though, even after she found her first swinging at the man and suddenly joel was there, holding her back while everyone crowded around the commotion.

when you woke, you were, unfortunately, not in the comfort of you and ellie's home. but you must say, it was much better than the place you had been sitting before, all mucky and bloody.

you blinked, eyes adjusting to the light. "hi, baby." ellie's soft voice as you blinked at her, attempting to get up. "nuh-uh, rest." she pushed your shoulders down softly.

"where am i?" you mumbled softly. you knew where you were but the dosage of your painkillers was so high that you could barely recognise the colour of the bedsheets. and yet, you could see her so clearly, your angel, your saviour, your knight in shining armour.

"med shaft." she spoke, hand holding yours as her thumb brushed against your knuckles.

your eyes glanced down to her hand that was covered with a white bandage. "you hit him." you murmured softly. "the nurse."

"he wouldn't let me see you." she spoke, as if she were defending her own actions. which, she sort of was. "had to make sure my angel was okay, didn't i?"

"you made it better." just like she said she would. ellie didn't lie to you, she wouldn't.

"yeah, i did." she seemed proud of herself. she should be. she saved your life. and if you weren't so loopy right now you would have given her a whole speech and the cuddles of a lifetime.

"thank you." was all you could muster, for now.

"of course, sweetheart." she just wished she could have done more. you shouldn't be here in a hospital bed right now, she should have never left you in the first place, guilt consumed her but she shook it off with a small smile. "we're gonna have to get you a new scarf though." cringing slightly.

"no point." sloppy grin on your face. "jus' gonna loose it again anyway."

she leaned down, pressing a short kiss to your lips. "then i'll help you find it."

main masterlist/ellie's masterlist

[writingoddess1125]

Hello! Could do Mihawk with an beloved who's like a Disney princess and attracts animal whenever she/they sing, but Mihawk is just confused standing there like "wtf? Why are there deer inside?? There's litterly no deer on his island????"

I love this!

Support me on Ko-Fi

How and Why?

When Mihawk had gotten with you he knew you were... odd-

The opposite of him in every way. While his hands were for killing and takinf away- yours was for life and charity. The embodiment of a Innocent Saint in his eyes- that he had in some wait tainted said innocence with his nature and desire for you.

It was hard for a killing machine like himself to gave to curve said nature when you came along. You promoting mercy, second chances and guidance for others.

While this tested his patients- it wasn't the main thing- no no

It was the animals-

It was the God damn animals that seemed to follow you everywhere!

You hum while outside- Bunnies suddently appear to shit on his lawn.

You whistle happily while gardening birds from all walks of life appear to once again shit on everything.

Goddess have mercy if you sing cause the animal kingdom appears randomly.

If he took you with him say out to a light mission or just for a vacation, suddently you'd have half the God damn forest trailing behind you and he would have to sneak a quick blade to snag a few rabbits without you noticing for a nice dinner. In fear you'd cry in knowing your abilties were being used for Mihawk to hunt dinner.

However..

Non of this mattered since he loved you, he loved you more then he had words to express and you loved him just as much- So he was willing to turn a blind eye to this all. Till the day he couldn't.

It was suppose to be a relaxed day- get some nice food, some drinks and just lounge about. Mihawk was excited for this, he had been working hard and wanted some down time.. especially with you- Stepping into the livingroom ready to shower you in attention he froze.

"What the actual hell?-" Mihawk said way louder then he ment to and seeing you turn around quickly. There in the livingroom you were on your knees petting a fully grown fucking deer that was leaning into your touch.

"Hi honey!"

Mihawk is just standing there holding a wine glass in his open shirt and staring at you in what can only be described as total shock and you can practically see the vein in his forehead.

"(Y/N)' How the hell did you get a deer in the house- Wait deer at all there are non on the island?" He questioned as he downed the glass of wine like a shot and set it aside.

"I sang and she came here" You say with a shrug and continue to pet the wide eyed doe.

He huffed at this, rubbing his temple.

"I thought we agreed no animals in the house?.." He grumbled- Trying to mentally wrap his head around a doe in his livingroom.

"But she looked so cold and was by the front door Hawks! I couldnt just leave her there" You say poking out your bottom lip- Mihawk mentally sighs.

"That doesnt... No- No matter... saves me from going to the market for venison" He says calmly and reaches for his blade calmly.

Your eyes widening as you realize what he means and hug the deer close to you.

"No! Mihawk you cant kill her" You yell as tears well in your eyes.

"You have a fully grown Doe in our livingroom- no idea were she came from and a meat locker low on venison" He tried to reason by you sat there crying and Mihawk groaned-

"Then what is your plan with it hm?" He questioned. That was what lead him outside, carrying a squirming 120 pound doe to the stables he had long since forgotten about while you set down some old hay, cut apples and nuts for feed and he releases the kicking animal into its new space.

Mihawk sighed now looking at the once empty stables of the castle now housed a doe- A Sinking feeling that this stable was going to be getting fuller..

"You are lucky I love you-" He grumbled, Hearing you giggle and jump up to kiss his cheek.

"I love you too Mihawk. And I promise to make it up to you~" You say with a wink. Mihawk now remembering how and why he had forgiven all the times before.

[butterflybuckethat]

Stranger Places

🦋 Masterlist 🦋

I'm back at it again trying to combat writer's block. Hope you like it!

Notes: Carmen Berzatto x Fem!Reader; Carmy finds you drunk in the bathroom of The Bear. (1.8k words)

Warnings: Slow burn, toxic ex-boyfriends, drunkenness

Chef Carmen Berzatto designed the restroom of The Bear as a complement to the main dining room, extending its warm minimalism to the wide sink basin, pale wood shelves and simple fixtures, all tied together by a signature scent of jasmine and oud. Not that you noticed any of this, your head being in the toilet and all. 

“Cousin!” Richie was forming a plan, which always meant bad news for Carmy. A line started forming outside the bathroom. “I told you we should’ve put in two.”

“Would you shut the fuck up, Richard?” Today was not the day. It had barely been a week since the deep freeze incident, and Carmy still felt shaky at the helm. They were half a turn behind.

“Fuck you, Carmen. How am I the only one taking this seriously?” 

“We need to focus.”

“No, we need to get whoever’s puking in the bathroom up outta there.” Carmy took a deep breath, forcing his gaze off the tickets. Richie continued, “if people think our food makes people sick...” His eyes blew wide, head bobbing, as if this were a foregone conclusion. “Okay?” 

Carmen looked at him, practically flinching when Sydney yelled “hands.” Lately, he had seriously been considering the thought that he was a bad person. He knew that Sydney was capable—in fact, he would proudly describe her as brilliant—but, after she took over for him that night, everyone else saw it too. And yet, he was reluctant to hand her his position. 

“This is big picture shit, Carm.” Richie said, softer this time, using Sugar’s words against him: some things are more important. 

“Syd,” he could barely look at her. She moved into his spot, as if it were the easiest thing in the entire world, and began arranging the tickets, yelling commands. Carmy balled his hands, pushing the air out of his lungs. He didn’t resent her, he just hated himself. “Do we still have those water guns?”

“Fuck,” you spat into the toilet. Everything was spinning. This was a new low, touching your forehead to a public toilet just to feel the cold porcelain, and you had no idea how you got here. You were drinking wine! You never got drunk from wine. At least, not like this. You hadn’t been this obliterated since college, the night Mark joined Sigma and introduced you to jungle juice. You retched again, just thinking about it. 

You tried to stand, digging your nails into the ridges between the subway tiles. But you stumbled, knocking into little decorative objects so meticulously placed on a shelf, and sunk back the floor. “Fuck.” You wanted to cry, but everything was so out of control. You tried focusing your sight on the now headless ceramic bear by your stockinged foot when there was an urgent knock on the door. 

“Hello?” It came in all muffled.

“Mark?” you responded; voice hoarse. The doorknob jiggled.

“Are you okay? Can you unlock—” the voice was drowned out by cheers in the rest of the restaurant.

“What?”

“Can you unlock the door?” he repeated louder. You crawled over on your hands and knees and turned the lock. The knob turned and the door cracked open.

“Wait!” You pushed it shut. He tried to open the door again but you leaned against it, hastily smoothing your hair and wiping the makeup from underneath your eyes. Mark had seen you worse but that was when you were still together. It’s different now. “Okay,” you slurred, scooting out of the way and letting him in. You looked up. “You’re not Mark.”

It was a hassle getting you into the office. Carmy had you by the waist, dodging the squirt guns and confetti that came with the impromptu surprise, while you stumbled and swayed in the opposite direction.

“I’ll be right back,” he reassured once he got you settled in a chair with a big bottle Pellegrino and an uneven slice of bread. Richie and the sommelier, Ernesto, were waiting for him outside.

“Nice,” Richie pointed to the puke that rubbed off from your dress onto his shirt.

“Whatever,” Carmy responded, deciding it wasn’t worth it to mention that Richie’s suit was half soaked and covered in glitter. “What’s up Ernesto?”

He looked to Richie first which made Carmen’s palms sweat. “They only ordered two bottles.” Ernesto spoke quietly, wringing a towel in his hands.

“They?” Carmy asked, patting the kid on the shoulder to try and ease his nerves.

“She was sitting with some guy.”

“Who is this guy?”

“How should I fucking know? It’s a woman’s name on the reservation.” Carmen wondered, not for the first time, if Richie was capable of speaking at a reasonable volume.

“I don’t know, ask him?”

“He left.” Ernesto added.

“Don’t you have a receipt, credit card, something?” 

“He ran.” Richie was practically giddy. “Look at this.” He carefully unwrapped two empty wine glasses from a linen napkin.

“What’s this CSI?” Carmy scoffed.

“Just look,” Richie lifted the first glass up to the light. “What do you see?”

“There’s a lipstick st—”

“There’s a lipstick stain, right.” Carmy was very quickly losing patience. “The girl clearly drank from this glass.”

“Can you get to the fucking point, please?”

“Look at his,” he held the second one up. “Notice anything?”

He squinted, searching for something to find, “No.”

“Exactly.” The glass was pristine, not even a smudge. “Thanks, Ernesto.” Richie dismissed.

“Wait,” Carmen stopped him. “You poured him a glass?”

“Both of them, yeah.”

 “And you kept pouring hers?”

 “No, he did all the pouring.”

 You felt like shit; your head was pounding. The seltzer had settled your stomach a bit but you couldn’t bring yourself to touch the bread. And, to make matters worse, you were surrounded by strangers, with puke on your favorite dress, and where the fuck was Mark?

 “How are you feeling?”

 You peeked through your fingers. Carmen. “Horrible. How do I look?” You began to stand, tentatively.

He let out a little laugh.

“Jesus, you’re laughing?” you asked, incredulous.

“No, of course not.” But he had this fucking smile on his face.

“What the fuck?” You did a little shimmy, tugging down your dress, and flipped your hair which did little more than make you woozy. “How about now?” you asked after steadying yourself on his desk.

His eyes raked over you. You watched them land on your thighs, the curve of your waist, your clavicle. “You look great.” 

You cleared your throat, hoping to mask the shiver that ran down your spine. “Great,” you said. You took a sip of the Pellegrino, swished it around your mouth and headed for the door.

“Wait, where are you going?” Carmen outstretched his tattooed arms, blocking your path. Your eyes widened, suddenly understanding what a compromising situation you seem to have gotten yourself in. But he backed away immediately, taking a few steps out of your way. “I-I just meant…are you sure you’re feeling well enough?”

 “I’m here with someone,” you explained, shoulders relaxing.

“Yeah…”

How was he supposed to tell you? “I think you should sit,” he started.

“Did something happen to Mark?” Your eyes widened, “is he sick too?” 

Carmy felt an unexpected wave of rage. You were concerned for him? This fucking bastard “Mark?” “Please sit.”

He watched as you tugged the hem of your dress and sat primly. Carmy knelt in front of you, hands ghosting your calves. He was trying to be comforting which he had never really had to be before, being the youngest. He suddenly wished Sugar were around. “He left.”

“Left?” you repeated, crease forming between your brows.

“Ditched.” Carmy braced himself for your emotional fallout. But all that came was a bitter laugh.

“What a fucking asshole.”

He searched your face, looking for some kind of explanation. “First date?”

“That would be less embarrassing. Ex-boyfriend.” You leaned back, causing the leather to exhale.

“Did he do that often? Get you drunk and leave you with the bill?” Carmen didn’t mean for that to come out so bitter. He barely understood why he was getting so worked up over this. 

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry. Obviously, I’ll pay. I think my purse…” You just looked so helpless. You got a raw deal and Carmen just wanted to make sure you were okay. Big picture and all that. What kind of restaurant owner would he be if he just let shit like this happen at his place?

“No, that’s not- That’s not why I brought it up.” You looked at him. The color had returned to your cheeks, making your smudged makeup look less scary and more…hot. 

“Thank you,” you blushed. “I’ve caused you enough suffering, I’m sure. I should really get going.” There really wasn’t much he could offer you but he didn’t want you to leave.

“Are you hungry?”

Was this pathetic? To be letting the man whose restaurant you just violated cook you a grilled cheese? You had a distinct feeling you were engaging in behavior your mother warned you about.

“How do you want it cut?” Carmen asked, towel slung over his shoulder. 

“Triangles, please.”

“Excellent choice,” he mumbled. You couldn’t help but admire his broad shoulders and biceps that strained the material of his perfect white shirt. He set the plate in front of you. “So, what happened with you and the guy?”

“Asking the hard questions first, huh?” You grabbed half of the sandwich, licking your lips at the stretch of the cheese, and pushed the rest of it towards Carmen.

“It’s for you.”

“We can’t share?” He picked up the other half and took a bite, making you smile. But it was short lived, he pressed the question. “I don’t know. We dated.”

“How long?”

“Five years.” You shrugged, as if it were nothing. This was a practiced movement; one you’d perfected for a while now. 

“Oh.” Carmen put the sandwich down.

“It’s been two years,” you assured. “It’s not like— It’s not like I’m still in love with him or something.”

“Then why’d you meet up with him?” 

“What’s with the third degree?” You got down from where you were sitting on the counter. The Bear had long closed and you and Carmen were the only ones left in the kitchen. “You don’t even know me.”

“Your puke on my shirt feels pretty fucking personal.” His voice was soft, not a hint of anger or frustration. He looked tired all of a sudden, like he lost something.

“You don’t even know my name.” You spoke quietly and he inched closer, wanting to hear you. You could smell the candle, the jasmine and oud, faint on him.

“I know your name.”

“Yeah, what is it?” He was taller than you; not by much, but enough that you had to tilt you head to look him in the eyes. Bright blue.

“Milly.”

You were just staring at him, for a while, a mix of shock and confusion on your face. Did he do something wrong? “What did I say?” He asked, placing his palm on your waist.

“I should go.” You pulled away from him. Carmy wanted to pull you back but you were already halfway across the room. He could’ve kicked himself.

“I’m sorry,” he followed, watching you move things around the office. You were unsteady on your heels. Carmen rushed to help support you but you recoiled, like his touch burned. He apologized again. “Can I help you?”

“No, I got it.” You said, pulling your clutch out from behind a stack of bills.

“Can I at least take you home?” He offered, now standing on your far opposite.

“Uber.” You shook your phone. You weren’t unkind. He was a stranger after all, but he could’ve cried anyways. You made your way to the front of the restaurant, your Uber came quick. “Thanks for your help, Carmen. And the meal.” You pushed the door open, a burst of cold Chicago air cut through him.

“I’m sorry, Milly.”

“That’s not my name.” And you were gone.

Part II

[probablysimpledreams]

UA Touya has been on the brain so much lately

Enji refused to get him in on recommendations (and yes he becomes pissed years later when he learns Shoto was admitted on recommendations), so what does Touya do?

He passes the exam with a flawless score, getting into the Hero Course. He’s one of the strongest in his class. He’s so driven and passionate during training. He’s everything you’d want to see in a hero.

However, his attitude plus alternative style plus quirk makes fellow students…weary of him. He’s known to be rude. He only hangs out with people from other schools. He’s covered in burn scars and grafts.

Sadly, this starts many rumors. Shit like “did you know Touya is in a gang?” and “I heard he beats up kids…some hero he will be!” and “That Touya would be better off a villain than hero.” Due to all this plus all his energy focused on becoming a top hero, one no could ever forget, he keep to himself while at school.

So it’s a huge surprise when one day at lunch he finds you standing in front of him. Touya always ate outside in the courtyard where he could blast his music without any teachers yelling at him. He’s even more shocked when you ask if you can join him.

Why was a pretty thing like you talking to him? Didn’t you hear what they all say about him?

He’s suspicious, not sure what your motive here is. You explain that you wanted to eat outside because the weather was so nice for once, and while you were looking for a spot to sit you overheard his music and wanted to listen. His suspicions don’t fade, but he allows you to enter into his little world for the next hour. You two sit together and listen to his playlist, occasionally discussing the song/album before it fades into the next.

This exchange continues for the next few weeks. You both begin really looking forward to lunch everyday. You two begin exchanging songs, homework answers, even phone numbers. You two wave at each other in the hallway, exchanging small “hi”s and smiles. You’re walking alongside friends while he’s always alone. Huh.

One day your friend watches as Touya calls for you in the hallway. You run over to him, excitedly accepting the CD you asked him to burn for you earlier that week. You run back over to your friend and that’s when you learn the rumors. How he’s this big scary villainous guy, how you shouldn’t trust him.

But that’s nothing like the Touya you knew!

So that same day at lunch, you brought up the rumors. He seemed disappointed you finally heard them, thinking it meant his time with you was over. But instead you asked him to answer each question fully honest.

“Are you in a gang?” You laid down. He followed, body laying the other way but head right next to yours.

“Nah,” he chuckled and looked up at the sky. “My friends are just losers and refer to us as ‘The League.’ The only time things get violent is game night.”

You laugh at his answer, making his cheeks go pink and a slight pout form on his lips. You then ask your next question.

“Do you really get into fights with children?”

“Ohmygod it was ONE FUCKING TIME,” he sighs, rubbing his forehead. “Shit wait that sounds bad.”

You laugh harder this time. “Touya what the fuck?”

“Okay okay look my youngest brother can be a handful. I took him to the playground one time and some badass kids made him cry,” he explains, feeling embarrassed at the memory.

“Touya no you didn’t-”

“I didn’t hurt them!! I just showed off my flame and made sure they knew to leave my brother alone….not my fault they started crying.” The look on his face is too cute as his embarrassment is clear. You can tell he’s not use to opening up like this and letting people truly see him. Your heart fluttered realizing you were becoming one of the few people who get to see him like this. Who gets to truly see Touya.

“Okay okay now final question,” you bite your lips nervously. “And you don’t have to answer it if you don’t wanna.” His eyebrow rose at your words, face turning to look at you. “How did you get your scars?”

It’s silent for a few seconds. 10 minutes go by. Then 20. Almost 30 before you speak up again.

“I’m sorry, pretend I never asked that. I just was-”

“It’s pathetic,” his breath is shakey. He’s facing the sky again, hand running through his hair. “It happened when I was a kid. I was desperate for my dad’s attention and overused my quirk a few times. One night I must have really overdid it. I don’t remember much from that day. I just woke up a while later with these gross skin grafts and my mom sobbing. Really haven’t seen the old man since. If he’s around he’s just with Shoto anyways and,” he takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. “Ah sorry I started rambling there.”

He turns to face, examining your face to gauge your reaction to the real him. He’s scanning your face for any signs of disappointment, disgust, dislike. His stomach turned at the idea of you feeling pity for him as well. God he really has to ruin everything didn’t he?

“You must be disappointed to learn I’m such a loser huh?”

But as usual you surprise him, flashing him a sweet smile as you respond, “nah, I like it. I think you’re cute.”

You then learned one more thing about Touya: being complimented makes his cheeks go dark red.

[oogaboogaspookyman]

So i've been having thoughts...

[EVERYTHING]

Another day, another thing to fight over. N is getting tired of this.

"NO NO NO, YOU CHEATED! YOU DEFINETLY CHEATED! YOU DESERVE THOSE EXTRA CARDS I MADE YOU PICK UP!" Uzi pointed fingers at V, who's currently at the front with one lone card. Yes they're playing Uno.

"I AM NOT CHEATING, YOU ROTTEN GRAPE, I'M ALLOWED TO PUT DOWN MORE THAN ONE CARD AT ONCE!" And V pointed fingers back at Uzi like she's being discriminated.

N just spaced out, looking at the front of him with half-lidded, tired eyes like a parent hearing siblings fight over the Xbox. At this point, nobody would deserve to hold the controller and it would be given away to someone more competent than the two of them, more deserving.

Meanwhile Cyn, Uzi's tail, is coiled around a can of oil. She's sipping from it like a kitty cat.

Right in front of my oil can, too. Annoyed expression.

N knows what to do, but it's gonna hurt and be slightly out of character for him, being the golden retriever of the group...

The entrance door to the bunker opens swiftly, and out comes a flying pair of Uzi and V, soon after faceplanting onto the snow ground.

"You're getting back in once you get along, or when it's getting late and i feel like you should get in." And right after N's first piece of dialogue, he closes the door on them.

The pair of girls looked at the now closed door to the bunker liked puppies having been thrown outside. Man N really did that, huh?

Strike one.

"zip it- Yeah! Sure! Whatever N, it's not like we need you or anything!" Uzi shouted back, trying to hide the hurt in the fact she's been pretty disciplined by her own fucking boyfriend.

"Careful with your words, rat." And V, being someone that cares about N a whole awful lot, bit back defensively.

Strike two.

"What are you, her girlfriend now? That's me!" Uzi you're way too smug.

And here we go.

"I USED TO HAVE HIM ALL TO MYSELF BEFORE YOU HAD TO COME ALONG!!"

Uzi's eyes widened and hollowed in shock as V yelled back.

"I HAD WHAT FELT LIKE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING I TELL YOU, AND I LOST IT ALL TO THIS IDIOT ELDRITCH HORROR THAT TORE US APART AND PUT BACK TOGETHER LIKE TOYS. WE ARE A KITBASHED MESS OF A DRONE SQUAD AND YOU JUST HAVE THE NERVE TO BE A LITTLE SHIT TO ME JUST BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM AND WHAT I DO TO SURVIVE!"

Uzi walked back as V took her steps forward, slowly and menacingly, and while this happens her hands swap out for her signature claws. They're shaking.

"I CARE ABOUT HIM, I CARE SO FUCKING MUCH ABOUT HIM, I WANT THE BEST FOR HIM EVEN IF IT MEANT I HAD TO STEP OUT, STAY AWAY FROM THE ONE DRONE I LOVE, AND I CAN'T PROTECT HIM WHEN YOU'RE ACTIVELY MAKING EVERYTHING A PROBLEM!"

She makes one step forward, strong enough to make some snow fly off the ground.

"YOU CONSUMED OUR WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU AND THAT FUCKING THING, CAN'T YOU JUST CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK?!"

V's optics start to glitch as tears begin to sprout from them. Her vision blurs.

"DO- DO YOU KNOW HOW I FELT WATCHING CYN HOLDING N'S CORE?! HAVE YOU- HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED HOW I FELT AT ALL?!"

Her voice begins to shake, just like her claws. Just like her entire body.

"I... I-I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, WH- W- WHAT DO I D-DO TO MAKE YOU TREAT ME WITH B-BASIC FUCKING DECENCY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW!"

Uzi's hands begins to shake, a quiet sob coming out of her throat. Quiet enough to not be heard.

And as soon as Uzi slowed down to a stop, V took the chance to pounce and pin her down onto the snow.

Holy damn.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO AT THIS POINT, TELL ME!!"

V's panting, sounding animalistic, slowed down to a halt as she notices the face on Uzi. She's quietly crying. There are tears in her eyes.

V gets off of the crying drone and looks down on her, guilty. Guilty because you got tired of her antics? Really?

"Get up..."

Uzi, for some reason, obeyed and got up on her feet. Her legs are shaky...

...

A surprise hug from V is given to Uzi. A safe one, as she swapped out her claws for hands. I forget to mention shit sometimes.

"I'm sorry..."

...

"No, fuck that, i should be sorry..." Uzi's voice is so unsteady...

"But-" The sobbing drone held onto V's back tighter. "You need him more than i do and- and i took him from you b-because you did a mistake, you deserve to make amends and love him like i do... I'm sorry"

...

"Just let it all out, you need it... You need him more than me, V"

A crying mess of a dissassembly drone is heard screaming her voice away, quickly overpowering Uzi's noise in loudness.

God damn you two...

The two sit down on an abandoned car, the front of it to be specific, both of them in thought of what had transpired...

"What should i do to apologize properly?" V whispered to Uzi. She may or may not have lost a bit of her voice.

"Dude... Your voice..." Uzi looked at V with worry in her eyes.

"My voice doesn't matter, how should i apologize to N properly?"

... Uzi looked away in thought about it... Then back at her. "I think a simple “sorry for everything i did” and a hug will do... Maybe a kiss since you uh... Love him?"

"I can hear you, you don't have to whisper... I'm not gonna kiss him" She just... Stays, looking at the nothingness instead of the night sky, tired.

"Juuuuust a suggestion..." Uzi responded softly, looking back at what's above.

...

Maybe V should try it..? Who knows...

There's a knock on the entrance door to the bunker. N responds to it, and looks at them like a disappointed parent. "Did you two get along now?"

...

Uzi looked away, as did V... They're both seemingly tired. N notices this and immediately his demeanor switches. "Are you- are you doing okay?? Come in, come in, i'm so sorry i really shouldn't have done that-"

"No. I'm sorry, for everything i've done... And yeah let us in" she whispered to N, trying to raise her voice so she could be heard a little more. N notices this and, now worried, decides to let them in.

And now once inside, they head to Uzi's room...

"V, what happened to your voice?? Did you scream??" N is full of fear and worry and guilt, something could've happened and it would've been N's fault it could be anything it could be the worst thing ever it could-

A hug... From V.

"Stop worrying so much, my voice doesn't matter here... I'm sorry."

N puts his arms around her body, hugging back. "Alright... But what happened??"

"Me and Uzi got along... She says she's sorry even though i... We just- we just set aside our differences, okay..?" She pulled back from the hug to look at N in the eye as she spoke. She's smiling...

...

"I hope Uzi gives you what i failed to give you-"

"ROBO-GOD DAMMIT V!" Uzi yelled and pushed V onto N, causing their faces to collide. Causing their lips to collide.

V let out a muffled squeak as she kisses N, and he does the same noise, both from the shock of the kiss, the push, and the fact they've fallen onto Uzi's bed, V on top of N...

V pulls back from the kiss to look at N, shocked. He's feeling just as surprised. "Uhh..." V, for the first time in a long time, blushes so much her visor becomes an LED and feels a gratuituous amount of butterflies in her stomach. And so does N, after a while of thinking his feelings towards V had faded away... Looks like they still remain.

V whips her around to angrily glare at Uzi, who's enjoying the moment of the couple finally being a couple, and that V got what she needed the most.

She takes a deep breath, and gets off of N. "You win this time..." She said, sternly.

"You got what you needed most, can't you just say thanks??" Uzi threw her arms up, offended by V's ungratefulness.

"... As a thank you for forcing me to give a kiss to my ex i might as well return the favour~" Uzi immediately regretted her choices and began to try to run away... But she can't. There's V's tail coiled around her waist. Fuck.

"V NO OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY HOLY SHIT- MMPH!!" Uzi squeaked, and it's muffled from V's lips colliding with her own. She didn't win at all, definetly /sarcasm.

Gross. Annoyed expression.

Once V pulled back, slowly, and smirked at Uzi's reaction. Her visor is overrun with purple blush, overlapping her eyes.

"i definetly didn't like that-" V quickly interrupts her. "Oh yes you did~" and finishes that sentence by licking her lips... "meep!"

"V don't be mean now-"

"I'm not, i'm just giving Uzi a thank you gift~!"

"That's my girlfriend you're kissing? Hellooo??" He said with his hands on his hips. Looks like Uzi's sass rubbed off on N.

"Wanna double team her, then~?" Uzi whined at that, gaining the attention of the two dissassembly drones. They look like cats when you go pspspspsps.

EW! Disgusted expression!

"... We'll do that later~, for now... How about we cuddle? We've had... A harsh day, y'know?" V made an actually nice suggestion. It feels like the first time she does this... Maybe they do need a cuddle session.

Uzi thinks about it... After their most intense interaction and all, it sounds good right about now...

"Sure! I love doing anything that makes my girls happy!" N didn't think about it at all, all cuddles are accepted in his case... "You know what? Why not, let's give it a go..." And Uzi accepted, seeing as N was happy about it... Besides she really needs to chill out too.

N pulls his girls in so that they're resting against him his tail intertwining with V's and his head resting on Uzi's messy wave of purple. He sighs in relief. "Thanks for getting along, you two..."

"Hey Uzi..?" V has one last thing to say...

"mm..?"

"Thank you..."

...

...

Uzi sniffs once and hugs the two of them... Especially V, the most hurt of the group...

And suddenly, V has everything all over again, and she'll make sure that this time... Nothing will take them away. Never again.

[end.]

[beargray08]

I wrote you letters.

(Part 1?)

—————————————————————————

Summery: Your ex girlfriend turns up to your favourite café after two years of no contact.

Warnings: language, Angst, LMK if I missed anything :)

part two <—

—————————————————————————

You walked into your favourite café, the cosy aromas and the smell of fresh coffee filling the air. The barista, the one with red hair and a forearm tattoo of marine life, welcomed you and already had your usual order ready for you, with your favourite type of cookie, free of charge. You thanked them and took your drink to the corner table by the window so you could people-watch. You’d always loved people-watching; you’d make up stories for everyone who looked slightly interesting. You used to do it all the time with… No. You’d promised yourself you’d stop thinking about her. She left without saying a word.

A few hours went by and you’d had two refills. You were reading your book when you heard the bell above the door chime. You didn’t lift your head. You thought, once whoever entered had sat down, your peak over and make up a ridiculous story for them as well. But you heard the chair across from you scrape the floor. “Can I sit?” That voice. The low tone of it ran through your brain like a painful memory. You looked up to her. Billie fucking Eilish, the girl who left without a word.

She didn’t wait for you to answer, just sat across from you looking at you with those blue eyes. You didn’t know what to say or do: get up and leave? Yell at her for leaving you? You didn’t get the chance. “Still your favourite place to people-watch?” She sounded sad, like she was trying to be gentle while she spoke but was holding back what she really wanted to say. “What are you doing here, Billie?” She noticed the shake in your tone. You were mad, obviously, but you couldn’t make yourself sound like it. She let out a sigh, “You’re a hard person to track down, Y/N. I had to get Finneas to follow your Instagram. But of course, you’d be here.” Billie took the cookie off your plate, the one you’d been saving, and took a bite. Her eyes never left yours.

“You didn’t answer my question. You fucking leave without any explanation, no goodbye, nothing, then what, two years later show up and take my fucking cookie?” She laughs at the last part. You wanted to sound so serious, but you just shouted at her for taking your cookie. “I’ll buy you another cookie, darling.” You scoffed and folded your arms like a child. “I don’t want another cookie. I want an explanation.” You finally broke eye contact, looking out the window. It was starting to rain. Jesus, was this a shitty rom-com? “I had to go on tour, Y/n. I didn’t want to drag you around the world. Moving every other day, you have a job, a family, a life. I couldn’t do that to you.” You turned to her, giving her a look she’d never seen before. “fucking tour? I’d have come with you, Billie! I’d have taken leave from work, I could have Face-timed my family. You were my life. I’d have gone around the world time and time again for you!” You felt tears forming in your eyes. Why did she have to show up now? Why didn’t she just fucking leave it alone? You wiped your eye with the sleeve of your hoodie. Billie finally realised, and a faint smile crept onto her face. “You’re wearing my hoodie.” Shit. You couldn’t let her know you’d worn it almost every day. It used to smell like her.

“I wrote to you. Cliché, I know, and I understand you were… are mad, but you can’t say I didn’t say anything. I said everything.” You pause. Her words took you by surprise; she must have been lying. “I- I didn’t… you didn’t write?” You almost saw the gears turning in her brain. Her eyebrows furrowed. You knew her. She wasn’t lying. “Y/N, I wrote every day before I went on stage. Every fucking day.” Billie looked as though she was about to cry now. The rain bounced off the ground outside and tapped against the window. “I never got any letters, Billie…” All the anger you’d held for the last two years had instantly dissipated. She had tried to reach you. You looked down at her hand on the table; subconsciously, yours fell on top of it, squeezing it slightly. “If I had, I’d have written back. Or I don’t know, come to one of your shows, I’d have done something.” Billie’s hooded eyes finally met yours again. She knew you meant it. You loved her, or at least she hoped you still did. That’s why she came here. For the last two years, you’d all she could think about. Even if you hated her, she had to see you again.

You both stayed silent for a couple of minutes, just staring at each other, not needing words to communicate. Finally, she broke the silence, “Do you hate me?” Her question felt like someone had just pushed a dagger into your heart. Her voice was so delicate, as if your answer would shatter her into a million pieces. “I thought I did. But I don’t think I could ever hate you, Bils. Even before today, I was trying to because it was easier, but fuck sake, I love you.” You let out a sad laugh; a weight had just lifted off your shoulders as you realised all the mornings telling yourself you hated her as soon as you woke up just so you could manage to get out of bed were just coping mechanisms; there was no truth in those words. “I love you too, and I’m sorry, Y/N,” Billie’s hand finally squeezed yours back, the sad smile on her face still there but different. She wasn’t sad because she thought you hated her; she was sad about the time you’d spent apart. “Can we try again? I’ve missed my girl.” You can’t help but smile, “Your girl, huh?” Billie rolled her eyes and bite back a smile, “Yeah, my girl.” You look at her across the table; god, you’ve missed that face. All it took was a slight nod for her to lean over the table and kiss you. It’s short but passionate, as if the last two years never even happened. “Come on, I can show you my new apartment.” You stood up and held out your hand to her, which she took, following you out of the café. “You moved?! No wonder you didn’t get my letters! Wow who ever lives in your old apartment has A LOT of mail.”

[nevernonline]

✧.* pancakes for dinner; svt smau

chapter 20: moving backwards

synopsis: y/n while in her third year at greenwood international university finally gets an opportunity to move off campus into a new complex, she has to deal with the realization that her childhood rival is her new next door neighbor.

genre/s: reader is super oblivious, fluffy, sexual themes. 

content: swearing, mentions of sexual relations, some drinking& mary jane 🍃

tag list - open

word count: 6.7k. (please note theres writing under some of the texts too, since its been so long. ily. 🖤)

masterlist ▸ 19. repercussions ▸ 21. surprise!

Y/N dropped Hoshi off outside his place just after 10, the headlights from his neighbors’ house catching the tail end of his dramatic wave goodbye. He’d spent the walk home recounting some over-the-top movie plot like it was life or death, and she’d let him, laughing when it was easy, smiling when she didn’t have to think too hard. It had been a nice distraction.

But now she was alone again.

The sidewalks felt quieter than usual. Every step back toward her house tugged her closer to the weight she’d been dodging all week: Vernon’s silence, Yuqi’s knowing eyes, Mingyu acting like nothing happened, and the ever-present hum of Seungcheol in the background of everything.

She stopped just before the street corner and pulled out her phone.

[Text to Seungcheol]Y/N: heading back now. Y/N: if you still want to hang out.

She hesitated, then hit send. No punctuation, not too eager. Casual. Or something like it.

She didn’t expect a reply before she reached her building steps. But her phone buzzed before she’d crossed the next block.

[Text from Seungcheol]Seungcheol: yeah. roof?

[Text to Seungcheol]Y/N: see you there.

The door to the roof creaked louder than she remembered.

Y/N stepped through it slowly, careful not to let it slam behind her. The air was cooler up here, breezy in a way that made her hug her arms instinctively. It smelled good, someone must’ve been burning a fire pit or grilling. Or maybe she was just too used to holding her breath lately.

Seungcheol was already there, sitting cross-legged on a stack of folded blankets. He looked comfortable, not careless, but like he’d made an effort. A speaker played something soft, Fleetwood Mac or Phoebe Bridgers, something timeless and quietly emotional. A few candles flickered in the corner, like they’d been borrowed from an overly romantic picnic.

“Hey,” he said, glancing up.

He wore a hoodie, sleeves pushed up, and that stupid necklace she always noticed but never asked about. His phone lay screen-down beside him like he wasn’t checking it every five seconds for once.

“Hey,” she echoed, stepping closer.

Seungcheol patted the spot next to him without standing. “You cold?”

“Not really,” she lied.

He handed her a blanket anyway.

She sat down, knees brushing. It wasn’t silent there was music, distant cars, and a group of drunk twenty-somethings laughing on another rooftop, but it felt quieter than anything had in days.

He didn’t rush to speak.

Neither did she.

Instead, they just sat there, sharing a blanket under a moon that wasn’t doing its job properly. For the first time in a long time, Y/N felt maybe everything didn’t have to be figured out right away.

Maybe it was okay to just be here. With him.

Seungcheol nudged her with his knee. “So. Was the movie good, or did Hoshi just yell through the whole thing again?”

Y/N smiled, tugging the blanket tighter. “A little of both. He cried at the end.”

Seungcheol laughed, low and warm. “Of course he did. He’s cried during Minions before.”

“Okay, yeah. If you weren’t such an emotional fortress you would’ve cried too.”

“Not a chance.”

“You’re so full of shit.”

He tilted his head, grinning. “Maybe. But at least I cry quietly. With dignity.”

She rolled her eyes, but the sound of his voice settled into her like a weighted blanket, familiar. Safe. Dangerous.

He leaned back on his palms, looking up. “You really like to be up high when you need space, huh?”

“Yeah, since high school, really. It’s quieter than my room and my mom never thinks to check these spots for me.” She glanced sideways.

Seungcheol nodded like he already knew.

Y/N pulled the blanket’s edge to cover his leg too. She didn’t look at him, but he noticed anyway and let his knee press lightly against hers.

The speaker hummed something soft and moody. Her fingers fidgeted with the blanket between them, and his hand shifted closer, not quite touching.

“You seem different tonight,” he said after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Not in a bad way. Just quieter. Tired, maybe.”

Y/N exhaled. “It’s been a weird fucking week.”

“Yeah.” He paused. “I figured, after everything.”

Another beat passed. Not uncomfortable.

Then, almost like he couldn’t help it: “You wanna talk? Not the whole drama, just whatever you want.”

Y/N glanced at him, then down at the sliver of space between their hands. Her pinky stretched slightly, grazing his.

He didn’t pull away.

She nudged his pinky back, barely a brush, and looked out across the rooftops.

“I don’t even know where to start,” she said softly. “It’s all just loud. In my head.”

Seungcheol didn’t answer right away. He leaned over, pulled a thermos and a can from a tote bag.

“Okay, so—I brought options,” he said. “Hot chocolate or beer. Depending on the vibe.”

She blinked, surprised. “Seriously?”

He handed her the thermos first. “It’s probably lukewarm, but if you were crying, you’d want hot chocolate. If not, beer.”

She laughed quietly. “I’m not crying.”

“I noticed,” he said gently. “Still figured you’d want something.”

She unscrewed the thermos and took a sip. It wasn’t hot, but still sweet. Warm-ish. Something he thought about.

“You remembered,” she said quietly.

“Course I did.”

She held the thermos like it might anchor her. “I kissed Vernon because I was drunk. I was caught up in the moment. I’m so pissed it happened the way it did. He’s always been there, and it just felt easy, like maybe I could undo some of the mess.”

“You don’t have to explain,” he said, but she shook her head.

“No, I do. Not because I think you’re mad. You didn’t text me back, so I figured you weren’t thrilled. But I hated not hearing from you.”

Seungcheol sat up straighter. “I wasn’t mad.”

“You were something.”

“I was…” He scratched his neck, eyes flicking away. “Weirded out. But not because of you. I know you’re trying not to hurt anyone. I hate watching you carry that alone.”

Y/N stared into the thermos like it held answers.

“It’s killing me, Cheol. Because I care about you, Vernon, Mingyu in some confusing way. And no matter what I do, someone gets hurt. I don’t want that.”

His voice was quiet. “I know you don’t.”

“But I don’t want to lie to myself either.”

He didn’t push. Just shifted closer until their shoulders touched, letting the moment hold.

Y/N sipped the hot chocolate, holding it like an anchor.

“I think I made things worse,” she said finally.

He glanced at her. “You?”

She nodded. “With Vernon. The kiss. The weird text. I think I made it harder for you to believe I meant any of it.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t even get the money,” she added, as if the absurdity was still sinking in. “I just made everything more confusing for no reason.”

“So you didn’t kiss Vernon for a hundred bucks?”

Y/N groaned. “God, I hate you.”

Seungcheol laughed. “I’m just clarifying.”

“No,” she smiled tiredly. “I kissed him because I didn’t know what else to do. Because everything was weird. I felt weird.”

He didn’t respond, but the humor slipped quietly from his face.

“You’ve always made things complicated.”

That got his attention. He looked at her, something careful in his expression.

“Complicated how?”

Y/N shrugged. “You’ve always been a constant in my life, but not the way I thought or wanted you to be.”

Her eyes widened a bit. She looked back down.

“I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay,” he cut in. Not brushing it off, but steadying it. Meeting her there.

They sat in silence for a while.

He leaned back with a quiet smile. “Want a beer too? If we’re getting into it?”

Y/N snorted. “Honestly? Yes. This is kind of brilliant.”

“Right? Emotional support beer.”

“Trademark it.”

“Limited edition. Rooftop exclusive.”

They smiled into their drinks, both more aware of the space between them and how thin it suddenly felt.

“Isn’t it against your better judgment to send confessional texts while tipsy?” Seungcheol asked, amusement tugging at his lips as he fumbled with a joint.

Y/N laughed and nudged him, taking the papers. “Isn’t it against yours to try rolling when clearly underqualified and half-frozen?”

He held up his hands. “I was trying to be helpful.”

“You were trying to show off.”

“I was trying to impress you,” he muttered.

She blinked, caught off guard, but smiled crookedly. “Well, color me impressed. That’s a solid six out of ten roll.”

“I can live with that.”

Y/N tucked the joint between her lips, squinting at Seungcheol from beneath her lashes. “Light me?”

He raised a brow, amused. “You’re getting real comfortable bossing me around.”

“You’re getting real comfortable listening.”

He let out a low chuckle and leaned forward, flicking the lighter to life with one hand. His other cupped slightly against the breeze as the flame sparked at the end of the joint.

Y/N inhaled, the smoke curling around them in the night air. The light flickered across her face, and for a second, it was like time slowed just enough for him to really see her.

She exhaled and grinned. “You’re staring.”

“You’re imagining things,” he said, shifting back. “Or maybe you’re just really high.”

She passed him the joint, shaking her head. “I’ve smoked with you enough times to know you don’t look at everyone like that.”

“I don’t look at anyone like that,” he muttered, just under his breath, but loud enough that she heard.

Her smirk faltered slightly.

They kept passing it back and forth, the smoke soft between them, the music low in the background, the rooftop world closing in tighter and tighter until it felt like they were the only ones left awake in the city.

Y/N took another hit and then winced, pulling back. “Ow—shit.”

Seungcheol reached for her hand instinctively. “Burn yourself?”

“No,” she said, laughing. “Almost. I didn’t realize we were down to the roach.”

“Here.” He took it from her, holding the tiny roll delicately between his thumb and forefinger. “One more for the road?”

She hesitated, then nodded.

He held it out for her, angling it toward her mouth — but he didn’t pull away as she leaned forward. His fingers steadied the roach just as her lips closed around it, and for a second, they were both completely still, focused on nothing but the warmth of breath and the faint scratch of skin against skin.

Her fingers brushed his wrist when she exhaled, and his stayed where they were, just barely grazing the edge of her mouth.

When she opened her eyes again, his were already on her.

Something settled between them. Or maybe something broke loose.

“Thanks,” she murmured.

He dropped what was left of the roach in the tin beside them without looking away. “Anytime. You cold?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Not really.”

He grinned. “Good. Me neither.”

The quiet settled again, but it wasn’t awkward. Just thick with the kind of energy that comes when you know something is shifting not loudly, but in small, irreversible ways.

Seungcheol leaned back on his elbows, glancing up at the sky, and without looking at her, said, “You remember when you got nominated for homecoming court?”

Y/N groaned. “God. Please don’t.”

He laughed instantly  like he’d been waiting for that reaction. “You lost your mind on Mr. Dugan.”

“In my defense,” she pointed a finger at him, “he tried to force me into a sparkly dress while I was actively trying not to fail calculus.”

“And you told him and I quote ‘I’m not wearing a tiara and pretending to be likable while I’m dying inside over derivatives.’”

Y/N covered her face. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“How could I forget?” He sat up now, eyes warm with amusement. “You had a whole meltdown in the hallway. I think you threw a highlighter at his office door.”

“It was a mechanical pencil,” she corrected. “And I missed.”

“Tragic aim. Still iconic.”

She laughed, trying to hide the way it made her heart twist. “I was stressed, okay?”

“I know,” he said, more gently this time. “You were always hardest on yourself.”

She met his gaze, softer now. “You were always the one who noticed that.”

He didn’t look away. “I still do.”

Something in her chest tightened. Not painfully, more like the way your muscles tense right before you jump into cold water.

There was a long pause before she said, quieter, “I didn’t go to homecoming that year.”

“I know. You stayed in the library. Said you were studying, but you didn’t touch your textbook for, like, two hours.”

She blinked. “How do you know that?”

He raised a brow. “I was there.”

Y/N stared. “You were supposed to be in the pep rally.”

“I ditched.”

“You ditched the pep rally?”

He shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Figured someone should keep you company while you spiraled.”

She was quiet for a second, trying to recall the memory fully. She remembered someone being there. Sitting across from her, sketching lazily in the corner of his notebook while she tried not to cry over integrals. She just hadn’t realized it was him.

“You know,” she said, smirking a little, “that might’ve been the first time you were ever actually nice to me.”

He leaned in, just slightly. “Don’t get used to it.”

Her eyes flicked to his, then his lips, and back again. “You’re nicer now.”

His voice dropped, teasing but edged in sincerity. “Only to you.”

And there it was again, that something. The feeling that the air had shifted, that the years they spent pretending not to feel this had finally thinned the distance too much to ignore.

She bumped her knee against his. “You’re still annoying.”

He bumped her back, slower. “You’re still mean.”

“I’m still not wearing a tiara.”

“You’re still stressed about everything but the right things.”

She gave him a look. “Oh? And what should I be stressed about?”

Seungcheol didn’t answer immediately. He just held her gaze, something flickering in his expression, that quiet dare again.

“You tell me,” he said softly. “What’s actually on your mind?”

And for the first time all night, Y/N wasn’t sure if she was going to answer.

But she was sure he already knew.

“Nothing, just that you make shit hot chocolate.” 

Seungcheol just titled his head back and laughed, raising his beer to her before taking a sip. 

“But, I do make good beer.” 

“You literally didn’t make this, but that’s fine.”

 “No, really though. What’s on your mind?” 

“I guess just the fact that everything's on my mind?” Y/n sighed, looking out over the lights of the city flickering slightly, the small tear in her eye making them look crystalized. “I know it sounds stupid. It was always bad, but somehow being home just made everything worse. The fact that I somehow manage to lose every fucking person important in my life in the matter of a few days? Or most of them anyway. I just feel lost, I guess. Between my mom, Vernon, Chaewon, now Mingyu and Yuqi it seems like they are avoiding me for some reason.. Not that they are, I just feel like eventually that will blow up too and I’m nervous. I’m nervous all the fucking time, it sucks. I feel like I can’t do anything right anymore. It might sound literally fucking insane, but it’s starting to feel like every day I wake up and something else bad happens.. Or it all gets worse, I don’t know? You know?” 

“It’s not insane, but it’s not true either.” Seungcheol placed a hand on her knee, not romantically, but it didn’t feel all too friendly at the same time. “Nobody hates you or is mad at you, that’s just your perspective. Vernon’s just upset, he’ll come around, Chaewon made her own mistake and I’m sure if you let her make up for it or want her to she can. Yuqi and Mingyu are just having fun, they clearly aren’t mad considering the way they continuously show up for you, maybe they just trust that you can figure it all out on your own.” 

“And you?” 

“What about me?” 

“I still have you?” 

Seungcheol smirked, “Of course you do, you also have Soonyoung and Seungkwan for what that’s worth.” 

Y/n just giggled, tossing his hand off her knee playfully, feeling the heat creep through her cheeks at her cheesy question. 

“But it’s different now, isn’t it?” she asked.

He didn’t answer with words, just lifted a hand, tentatively, brushing a loose strand of hair from her cheek, his fingers lingering against her jaw like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to be doing this.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” he said.

“You’re not.”

“You’re scared.”

“So are you.”

His lips twitched, not quite a smile. “I’ve never wanted to kiss someone this badly and also be this afraid of it.”

She felt her heart race again, her skin hypersensitive to the closeness. Their knees are touching now. Her breath is quick and shallow.

So she did what she always did with him, softened the moment with something teasing, something safer.

“Bet you say that to all the girls who yell at teachers.”

He chuckled, eyes never leaving hers. “Only the ones who call themselves fake-ass princesses.”

Her grin matched his, but the moment between them didn’t dissolve. It was held. Teetering.

And for a second, it felt like the universe might finally tip in their favor.

A buzz. Then another. Both their phones lit up at once, the glow catching on their faces in the dim rooftop light.

Seungcheol groaned, dragging his hand down his face. “Why does this always happen when things start getting good?”

Y/N smirked, pulling her phone out of her hoodie pocket. “Swear to God if it’s Yuqi again, I’m revoking her friendship privileges.”

He chuckled and tilted his screen toward her. “Double buzz. You know that means it’s Twitter.”

Y/N tapped her lock screen, and sure enough, top of her feed, bolded in campus drama font, was a tweet from the infamous gossip account. Her stomach sank before she even read it, and when she did, her skin went cold despite the warm blanket over her lap.

[submission: 1:17am] okay but why were Y and MG out together tonight… alone… no usual suspects in sight, and definitely no 5-foot space between them.

they didn’t kiss or anything (unfortunately for us), but the body language was giving “this isn’t the first time.”

no one’s saying they’re cheating… but no one’s not saying it either.

also… how do you think Y/N feels knowing the fallout from her drama-filled weekend somehow brought her two closest friends closer and now she’s nowhere to be found? #campustea #spotted #messy #momspartyaftermath

She didn’t say anything at first. Neither did he.

Then Seungcheol gave a dry, humorless laugh and muttered, “Wow. That’s one way to bring us back down to earth.”

Y/N stared at the screen, the familiar pressure building behind her eyes. Her jaw clenched.

“Guess I’m really out here being the plot twist in my own life,” she muttered.

He looked over, face unreadable for a second. “You okay?”

She swallowed hard, trying to play it off. “Yeah. Just funny how even when I’m not around, I still somehow end up in the headline.”

Seungcheol leaned back against the railing, rubbing the back of his neck. “Do you think they…?”

“I don’t know,” she said quickly. Too quickly.

She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to feel anything about it. Especially not here, not now. 

She tried to shake it off with a half-laugh. “Yuqi’s probably somewhere reading this and swearing she told me so about everything. It’s like she has a sixth sense for ruining our moments.”

Cheol’s mouth quirked up. “Nah, she doesn’t ruin them. She just resets them. Like a cosmic reminder that we’re still in the real world.”

But it didn’t reset. Not this time.

Because suddenly, the real world was right here. It was Vernon and Mingyu and gossip threads and the weight of history pressing between their knees under the blanket.

Seungcheol’s hand inched a little closer to hers.

“Does it bother you? Like them not telling you they were hanging out?” he said quietly. 

Y/N didn’t answer. Couldn’t.

Y/N stared down at the tweet again, then locked her phone. Her voice came out quieter than she expected.

“Do you think they didn’t tell me because of me?”

Seungcheol blinked. “What?”

She tucked her knees to her chest, resting her chin there. “Like… because of everything lately. My mom’s party, the falling out, the kiss,” she paused, correcting, “kisses. Me choosing you. Then not. Then Vernon. Then not. Mingyu…” She rubbed her hands over her face. “I’ve been the center of every damn thing. And I feel like maybe everyone’s just waiting for me to implode again. Or trying not to set me off.”

“You’re not a landmine, Y/N.”

She looked at him. “Aren’t I? I kind of blew everything up.”

Cheol didn’t respond right away. Instead, he glanced at the tweet again and then looked back at her. “Even if that was true, it’s not like they handled it better. If that tweet’s even accurate.”

“That’s the worst part. I don’t even care if they were out alone, or if they kissed, or whatever.” Her voice broke slightly, not angry, just sad. “I just care that no one told me.”

Seungcheol shifted closer. “Then let’s find out the truth. Because either that tweet’s another one of campus tea’s half-baked rumor bombs or…”

“Or?”

“Or it’s real. And if it is, then yeah. That’s a conversation. But it’s not your fault.”

Y/N gave a hollow laugh. “It’s starting to feel like everything is.”

He bumped her shoulder lightly with his. “You know what I think?”

“Hm?”

“I think this is someone’s full-time hobby now. Watching us like we’re episodes of some show. And that page…” He trailed off, staring out over the quiet campus below. “That page feels weird. Like it always knows the worst version of the story. Never the truth.”

Y/N glanced over. “You think it’s someone we know?”

Seungcheol’s mouth tightened into a line. “I think it’s someone too close.”

Before she could respond, the rooftop door suddenly burst open with a loud bang, both of them flinching as Yuqi, wearing the same outfit from the photo and sheer panic, came sprinting across the rooftop.

“Y/N!” she shouted. “Cheol? Okay, it’s not true!”

Y/N scrambled up halfway, eyes wide. “What?”

Yuqi skidded to a stop in front of them, out of breath. “I swear, I wasn’t with Mingyu like that. We ran into each other buying alcohol for the party and because we were off to the same place, we just went together, my phone was dead and I had to tell Mark they were out of that weird Tequila he liked so he let me use his phone. No scheming. No secret romance. No betrayal!”

Y/N blinked. “You ran here to tell me that?”

“Yes!” Yuqi huffed, hands on her hips. “Because Twitter is hell, and I knew your dramatic ass would spiral.”

Yuqi blinked between them as she finally caught her breath, squinting under the dim fairy lights that Seungcheol had strung up earlier.

“…Wait,” she said slowly, glancing between Y/N’s cozy blanket-wrapped shoulders and Seungcheol’s suspiciously casual lean against the wall. “What exactly are you two doing up here?”

Y/N pulled the blanket tighter around herself like she’d been caught. “Hoshi bailed after the movie and I texted him to talk so we just came here.”

“For what? Rooftop therapy?” Yuqi’s eyes narrowed. “Why does it feel like I interrupted something that’s been in the works since, like, ninth grade?”

Seungcheol gave her a look. “It’s not like that.”

Y/N let out a laugh, nervous, maybe. “It’s definitely not not like that.”

Yuqi turned to her. “Girl. You’re literally on a rooftop, wrapped in a blanket, drinking hot chocolate. With him.” She gestured wildly at Seungcheol like he was evidence in a courtroom.

“So? Soonyoung and I do this all the time too. ” Y/N defended, but she was smiling now, cheeks warm despite the wind. “We were just talking. Catching up.”

Seungcheol offered a shrug like, Yeah, sure, but his eyes stayed locked on Y/N’s for just a second too long.

Yuqi’s gaze flicked back and forth between them like she was watching a game of tennis she hadn’t realized was in the finals. “So let me get this straight. You two were up here vibing. Blankets, music, drinks and somehow I’m the one under suspicion for hanging out with Mingyu?”

Seungcheol held up both hands. “It’s not like we were doing anything suspicious, Yuqi.”

“Yet,” Yuqi muttered, then gasped. “Oh my fucking God. Have you two kissed?”

Y/N froze. “No.”

Yuqi pointed. “But you paused. That’s a pause, Y/N.”

Y/N buried her face in her hands. “This is the worst intervention-slash-investigation ever.”

Yuqi grinned, finally plopping down next to her. “Don’t worry. I’m not mad. Just confused. Thought the big boy here was pissed about the Vernon kiss text thing?”

There was a beat of silence, a mutual look between Y/N and Seungcheol before Y/N spoke quietly, eyes fixed on the ground:

“No. He didn’t care, which is what we were talking about actually.”

That shut Yuqi up for a second.

“Oh,” she said, softer now.

“Yeah,” Seungcheol murmured, “Oh.”

Seungcheol raised his hands like he was caught red-handed. “We’re just sitting. Talking.”

Yuqi blinked. “And… smoking?”

“Barely.”

There was a beat of silence, the three of them standing in this weird triangle of tension, broken only by the wind picking up.

“Sorry I interrupted. I mean I just came up here to tell you guys that that post is bullshit,” Yuqi started, eyes flicking to Seungcheol, then quickly back to Y/N. “I mean Vernon and Mingyu didn’t do anything. Not like that.”

“I know,” Y/N said softly.

“I just—I didn’t want you to read it and think something was going on behind your back.” Yuqi stepped closer, sincerity in her face. “I would never let that happen. You know that, right?”

Y/N nodded, though her stomach tightened at the way her friend looked so anxious.

“I mean…” Yuqi let out a breathy laugh, trying to lighten it. “Not everyone’s out here sneaking around with people they’re not supposed to be with.”

Y/N’s eyes snapped up.

Yuqi froze. “I didn’t mean that how it sounded.”

Seungcheol shifted, but didn’t say anything.

Yuqi winced. “Shit. I wasn’t trying to call you out. I just meant—”

“No, it’s fine,” Y/N said quickly. Too quickly.

“Seriously, Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that.” Yuqi stepped forward, her voice softer now. “I think I just… panicked. I saw the post and I thought of how much worse things might feel for you if you saw it alone. And I wanted to fix it. But then I saw you two up here and I was just like… what the fuck is happening tonight?”

Y/N didn’t answer right away. The sting lingered, not because Yuqi had said anything that wasn’t sort of true, but because she had felt like she was hiding. And maybe that was the worst part. The not-telling.

Yuqi glanced between them again, this time with something more like understanding—and maybe a little wariness. “Okay, well… you’re both being weirdly cute and complicated, so I’m gonna go order chicken and pretend none of this happened until I have snacks.”

She stood, brushing gravel off her pajama pants.

“And for the record,” she added, walking backwards toward the door, “I still think you paused.”

Y/N groaned into her knees.

Seungcheol chuckled. “She’s not wrong.”

The rooftop felt colder the moment Yuqi disappeared back through the hatch. For a while, neither of them spoke.

But then Y/n’s phone buzzed. She looked down, thumb already unlocking her screen when she saw his name flash across it.

Mingyu “Hey. Are you up?”

She didn’t respond right away.

Seungcheol tilted his head. “That him?”

Y/N gave a tiny nod, reading the follow-up before she could stop herself.

Mingyu “Can I call you? Just for a minute. Or… maybe ask you something.”

Seungcheol leaned back on his hands, letting out a breath through his nose. “Timing’s unreal, huh?”

She glanced at him, hesitant. “Should I…?”

“I’m not stopping you.”

“But do you want to?”

He didn’t answer right away, and when she looked at him again, his gaze was already on her. Something unspoken flickered in his eyes. A little hesitation. A little more than that.

“It’s not my call,” he finally said, his voice quiet. “Not yet, anyway.”

That not yet echoed louder than anything else tonight.

She looked at her phone again.

It rang.

She stood, half-smiling down at Seungcheol, suddenly unsure of which part of her felt worse: the part that wanted to pick up or the part that didn’t.

“Hey,” she whispered, stepping toward the hatch. “I’m gonna take this.”

He nodded, not looking away.

“I’ll come back,” she added before she could think too hard about it.

And then she went back into the staircase, into the pull of whatever Mingyu was about to ask her. Leaving Seungcheol behind with cold fingers, the memory of her lips on his fingertips, and the question neither of them had dared to ask just yet.

Y/N slipped into the hallway, phone pressed to her ear as she tried to quiet the pounding in her chest.

“Hey,” she said softly once she heard the line connect.

There was a pause on Mingyu’s end before he replied, “You answered.”

She smiled faintly, leaning against the cool wall. “You said it was just for a minute.”

“I lied,” he said, voice lower than usual—a little unsure, a little too vulnerable for how confident he usually tried to be. “I think I needed to hear your voice.”

Y/N closed her eyes for a second. “You okay?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I saw the post. About us. The tweets. I didn’t think it would bother me but…” He trailed off, then laughed, humorless. “Okay, that’s a lie too. It does bother me. Because I feel like it hurts you. And so now I’m finally sick of waiting around and not asking you out.”

“Mingyu…”

“That was the deal, wasn’t it?” he said, and she could hear the hint of a grin in his voice. “You said if I went to that nightmare party with you, you’d go out with me.”

Her smile deepened, a quiet laugh slipping out. “I also said I’d owe you forever.”

“You do,” he said easily. “But I’m not cashing that in yet. This is just me asking you to let me take you out. For real this time.”

Y/N leaned her head against the wall, staring at the patterned carpet. “Where?”

“The Dove Inn,” he said. “Your favorite, right? Just dinner. We don’t have to make it a whole thing. Just… you and me, talking, eating, breathing, preferably not in the middle of gossip or chaos for once.”

She was quiet for a moment, lips parting like she might say something, but she didn’t yet. Mingyu picked up on it instantly.

“I get it if now’s not the right time,” he added. “Things have been insane. But I’ve been thinking about asking for a while. And I guess I didn’t want someone else’s tweet being louder than my own voice.”

She swallowed that tight knot in her throat. “You remembered my favorite place.”

“Course I did,” he said. “You don’t shut up about those bread rolls.”

A soft, genuine laugh escaped her lips before she could stop it. “They’re fucking amazing.”

“Exactly,” he said, and she could hear the warmth spread across his whole face. “So let me take you. Doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. But if it could…”

She felt her heart knock against her ribs again.

“Let me think about it,” she said, voice gentle but honest.

“Take your time,” he said easily. “But just so you know, I’d be really happy if you said yes.”

He didn’t wait for anything else. He just added a quiet, “Goodnight, Y/N,” and hung up.

She stared at the screen in her hand, thumb still resting over the disconnect button, before slowly lowering it.  She wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was. But she knew that for the first time in a long time, someone had asked for her in a way that made her feel like she could say yes.

He remembered the Dove Inn. He remembered the bread rolls.

He remembered her.

And even though she’d said she needed time to think about it, something about the way he phrased it—I’d be really happy if you said yes—sat warm and golden in her chest.

But as she climbed the stairs again, the night air wrapped around her shoulders like a different kind of pressure. One she couldn’t name. Not yet.

When she pushed the door open to the rooftop, Seungcheol was still there, legs stretched out, back against the railing, his head tilted up like he’d been counting stars—or trying to clear his head.

He looked over when he heard her footsteps, his eyes soft but alert.

“You okay?” he asked, flicking his thumb across the lighter he still held. The glow of the joint burned low between his fingers.

“Yeah,” she said, walking over and slipping back into her place beside him like no time had passed. “Just Mingyu.”

A pause. “Everything alright?”

She nodded, pressing her knees to her chest. “He asked me out.”

That got his attention.

Seungcheol’s brows twitched, but he didn’t say anything right away. Just took a slow inhale, his shoulders lifting with it.

“To the Dove Inn,” she added.

He exhaled a puff of smoke and glanced at her with a slight smile. “Fancy.”

“Not that fancy,” she murmured, teasing. “It’s mostly about the bread.”

He chuckled at that, shaking his head. “You and the damn bread rolls.”

Silence fell again. Not heavy, but charged.

“So…” he said after a beat, voice quieter. “Are you gonna go?”

She looked up at him through her lashes. “Do you think I should?”

A pause. The flicker of something in his expression, restraint, maybe. Or something just barely cloaked.

“I think…” he started, then stopped. “I think you should do what makes you feel good. And safe.”

She swallowed. “I haven’t felt very safe lately.”

“I know,” he said. “I’ve been trying to fix some of that.”

Y/N blinked slowly. “I know.”

More silence. Then she tilted her head toward him with a half-smile.

“You look like shit, by the way. We have a lot of work to do before some girl or woman bids on you.”

His laugh broke the tension like glass, head dropping to her shoulder in mock defeat. “Oh my god, fuck you. I obviously will look way better than sweats and Seungkwan’s furry blanket draped over me, eyes glazed as fuck.”

She grinned, leaning into him for real this time. “Excuses.”

“You’ve always been such an ass.” His grin stretched across his face, warm and familiar.

That’s what made it dangerous.

Because there it was again, the them that still lived in the cracks. Not in memories. Not in nostalgia. But right now, in how easily they still made each other laugh. How they still knew the exact versions of each other no one else did.

They looked at each other. Too long. Not enough.

And then—

“Cheol,” she said, almost a warning.

But it was too late.

Because he leaned in.

Not like a decision, more like gravity. Like he was already halfway to her before either of them could name it.

And she didn’t stop him.

His hand came up to her jaw first, fingers tentative, thumb brushing a wisp of hair from her cheek. His gaze flicked down to her lips like he was asking, but only barely.

“You’re gonna make this complicated,” she whispered, voice low and unsteady.

His thumb paused near her mouth. “Hasn’t it always been?”

And then he kissed her.

Not softly. Not like it was new.

Like it was familiar. Like it was muscle memory. Like it had been waiting behind every almost-touch since the moment he came back in her life.

Her hand curled in the front of his hoodie, dragging him closer, and his other arm came around her waist without hesitation. The rooftop spun, but it didn’t matter. There was only this his mouth, his breath, the way his lips curved like he was half-smiling even now.

They broke apart just barely, foreheads pressed together, catching their breath.

“We shouldn’t…” she breathed.

“I know,” he said. But he didn’t move.

Her eyes closed. “Everything’s a mess.”

“Then let it be messy.”

Silence crackled.

But her phone buzzed again—too loud, too sharp—and they both jumped like the rooftop had tilted.

Reality surged back.

She pulled away slowly, blinking hard, the wind suddenly biting. “I should… check that.”

He nodded, jaw tight.

The air was different now. Charged and hollow.

She looked at the screen. Another message.

From the gossip page.

Seungcheol didn’t ask who it was. He just sat back and looked up at the sky again, jaw set, eyes unreadable.

hi , y/n. not to stir the pot but you’ve been real quiet lately and funny how the two guys everyone swears you’re not choosing between both went out of their way for you tonight. I guess some people like having their cake and eating it too. don’t choke, babe.

Her stomach dropped. She felt it physically—like the floor of the roof gave out beneath her, the cold biting into her skin sharper now.

The kiss.

The party.

Mingyu.

Seungcheol.

Her.

Yuqi. 

Vernon.

And now everyone was watching again.

She didn’t even show him. Didn’t even say a word. Just let her phone fall face down beside her, screen still glowing in the dark like an open wound.

Y/N let out a slow breath and laid back, spine pressing into the rooftop like it might ground her, but nothing felt solid anymore.

“Still think it’s the same sky?” she asked quietly, voice barely above a whisper. Her throat felt tight, raw.

Seungcheol turned his head to look at her, his expression unreadable in the shadows.

“Not tonight,” he murmured.

And neither of them said anything after that.

The air between them once electric, now thrummed with something else. Something heavier. Like a thread pulled too tight.

So she closed her eyes instead and let sleep take her.

Unspoken words hanging in the air like smoke.

Unanswered. Unfinished.

note: hi omg i didn't even realize it had been like three weeks?? time fucking flies. i'm sorry i haven't been posting, i went on vacation after my semester sort of randomly. lol. anyway, i made this a little written as well, which i may start doing more often as this story reaches more towards it's close, rip. but let me know what you guys think ily. xoxo.

taglist: @minhui896@sun-daddy-yoriichi@luchiet@miles-sketchbook@kissesfrmwonwoo@readerlozies@vcutparis@mxnhoeuwu@writingbarnes@headlockimnida@odxrilove@jeonghaniehaee@bath1lda @wonwootakemyheart @dokyomis@hanniesdegree @blvkkeddcc@gyuguys@rakshithanotrao@multiplumes@jihoonsbbygirl@tacosandbitch@lukeys-giggle

[lllivia]

This was never supposed to happen

Natalie Scatarccio x f!reader

Summary: Nat's asshole of a dad ruins everything

Warnings: not proofread, angst, homophobia (might have gone a bit far idk 🫢), modern au

part 1 part 2

Music blasts through Nat's speaker as you lay on her bed, spread out comfortably as she sits on the floor scrolling on her phone.

10 minutes go by with the comfortable silence before you decide to put down your phone and finally speak up, not completely sure if this was a good idea.

"Hey Nat.. Yk how I told you that I kinda haven't kissed anyone before?" You pause for a second "Well I've been talking to this.. Person for a while and it's starting to get serious... So I was just wondering if maybe you could, idk - this is probably dumb but, teach me?"

You say quickly, staring up at the ceiling and expecting the worst.

"Okay"

"..Okay?"

"Yeah okay, I'll teach you dumbass" She smirks and crawls onto the bed, propping herself up on her elbows to hover over you.

Nat was always quite comfortable with who she was, openly talking about her experiences with men, while you on the other hand were much more reserved. So you weren't necessarily surprised when she said yes (since it was only going to be two girls practicing after all), but you still feel your hands get sweaty resting on your stomach as you stare right back at her, glancing down at her lips just to notice the shadow of her smirk still imprinted on her face.

"So um, what should I do? " you say awkwardly, fidgeting with your sweater as you struggle to not look away from the girl who's face is now merely inches away from yours.

"Just follow my lead okay?" She responds in a surprisingly soft voice before finally leaning in to where your lips ghost over each other, sighing slightly before gently pressing your lips together. One of her hands slowly creeping up to cup your face like she's afraid you might break if she adds too much pressure.

"Is this okay?" She pulls back to ask, her face flushed and her lips redder than usual as she scans your face for any discomfort.

"Yeah, yes, you can keep going" you respond quickly before pulling her back into you, unable to describe the tingling sensation fluttering through your entire body as your lips meet again in a slightly rougher matter, pent up need for your friend that you didn't know you had suddenly crashing down at you all at once.

"Shit Nat" you groan as she bites down on your lip, both of you forgetting that this was only supposed to be practice as her hands-

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE"

You quickly pull apart, your eyes flying open as you try to scramble away from Nat as her father stands in the now open doorway.

"WHAT KIND OF FAGGOT FILTH HAVE YOU BROUGHT INTO MY HOUSE GIRL??" He yells, pointing a dirty finger towards Nat as his other fist grips onto a half full bottle of alcohol, his disgusting breath seeping through the room as spit fly's out of his mouth.

Nat doesn't know how to respond, seemingly too shocked to answer as her dad continues shouting at her.

"ANSWER ME FREAK! YOU WEREN'T RAISED TO COMMIT SUCH SINS. YOU'RE A FUCKING DISGRACE YOU HEAR ME?? A DISGRACE.

NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I DECIDE TO SHOOT YOU AND YOUR GOOD FOR NOTHING FAG FRIEND"

He finishes, his last sentence barely having left his mouth before you run outside, your heart beating faster than it ever has and tears now streaming down your terrified face.

You turn back towards the trailer as you suddenly hear glass shattering, all your other worries almost forgotten as all you can think about is if Nat is okay.

You were about to go back inside when Nat storms out the door, slamming it behind her as she steps forward.

You weren't exactly sure what to say as you look at her, you'd never seen her in such a vulnerable state before. The usual cool and confident Natalie now replaced with a nearly crying girl, her hair disheveled, her shoulders shaking from the suppressed tears and one of her hands bleeding from a deep cut that you could only assume came from the shattering sound that come from inside the house mere seconds ago.

As she tries to hold in her tears she refuses to meet your eye, her expression changing between hatred, embarrassment, shame and more as she furiously wipes her face with her sleave.

"Nat? Are you o-"

"Go."

"What?? Your hand clearly needs medical attention, we can go back to mine"

"Just go."

"Stop being stupid Nat, I can't fucking leave you like this" you say and step towards her, anger starting to creep into your voice as you can't understand why she's acting this way towards you.

"I SAID GO" she suddenly shouts. "you heard what he said dyke, this was clearly a mistake and it was never supposed to happen!"

Her bloodshot eyes finally meet yours again and all you can see in them is hate and despair, tears spilling out as she bites her bottom lip hard before she looks down at her feet, immediately regretting everything she just said.

"Get the fuck out of here y/n" her voice breaks.

"Nat.." is all your broken voice manages to squeak out as your eyebrows furrow, the tightness in your chest feeling as though it might suffocate you as you finally turn away from her, walking away from who you thought was your best friend only 15 minutes ago - now feeling unsure that you'll ever see her the same again.

_

a/n: I'm too impatient to wait for the poll to finish, also I can't decide if this should have a sad or happy ending 😜 SEND REQUESTS, MY INBOX IS BASICALLY THE SAHARA DESERT RN CHAT 😢😢😢

MAIN MASTERLIST

[ist4rgirlo]

𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐬𝐨? : 𝐈

Summary: Growing up with the Conklins and the Fishers has been a wonderful experience for you; you feel as if you were a part of another family. Your days of stress as a child were over, well at least you thought that was the case not until you had to choose between your two childhood bestfriends, the one who did you wrong and the one who has been waiting his entire life for your decision.

Next || Conrad Fisher x fem!reader ! Steven Conklin x fem!reader || My blog

Warnings: yelling, crying, swearing, angst, reader being insecure (lmk if i missed anything)

Requested by: Anonymous

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Ever since I was little, the Conklins would always tell my parents that they were going to take me to Cousins — where I met Jeremiah, Conrad and Susannah. They became my second family, they always treated me right, always included me in everything.

Conrad and Steven was the one that I was close with, It was Conrad, me and Steven. We were inseparable.

As a child, Susannah likes me best when I'm with Conrad, while Laurel always prefers me when I'm with Steven when we're together.

That stopped when me and Conrad got together, we always had something special. Everyone saw that, everyone knew that. It wasn’t official or anything but we did have something. He made me feel special, he made me feel loved. Everyone thought we had something going on, including me.

But no, not until I arrived infront of the beach house. Not until I saw Conrad and Belly, infront of the fireplace — together, naked.

I crashed, my heart broke in so many pieces. I didn’t know if I whether to cry or get mad. My emotions were all over the place. I wanted to go back — go back to my car and just drive off like nothing happened but I can’t, I can’t move — I couldn’t move.

I saw Conrad pull away from Belly, he saw me — our eyes locked, his smile faltered — his face now filled with fear, with panic.

“Fuck. I-It’s not what it looks like. Shit shit shit” He stood up, picking up his clothes. Belly looked at where Conrad was looking, when she noticed me she immediately stood up, grabbing her clothes and putting it back on. Conrad walked towards me trying to reach for me but I pushed him away, I walked back.

My vision were blurry, my eyes filled with tears. He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him, hugging me. I was disgusted, not just of him but of myself too. Am I not enough?

I shook my head then pushed him away “Y/n please” Belly yelled “No, fuck you! You were my bestfriend!” I pointed at her before walking away from her. I ran outside of the door and walked to my car.

“Please, I-I’m sorry” Belly said, running after me — tears running down her face — her hand trembling, reaching for mine but I pushed it away “Don’t fucking touch me!” I yelled at her.

“Y/n come on, let’s go inside please? It’s too cold out here” Conrad walked towards me, pulling me by the arm. Pulling me towards the house.

“I-I thought we had something special, Conrad. You.. you fucking played me!” I yelled, he stopped walking — he turned to me, his eyes, now gentle. “I-I’m so sorry. I was just so stressed, please.” he looked down, he was crying, he had the fucking audacity to cry.

I pulled my hand away from him, “Sorry? is that all you’re going to say? I know you’re stressed but this is what you fucking do? you fuck my bestfriend? and you’re fucking crying? you’re unbelievable. You’re fucking dead to me, the both of you.” I pointed at him and Belly then I walked towards my car then drove off.

───────────────────────────

As I reached the front of my house, I saw Steven there — with my mom and Laurel.

I hopped out of my car and saw Steven walking towards me — my face still filled with streaks of tears, “Hey, hey what happened huh?” Steven held my face in his hands, caressing my cheeks.

I shook my head, pulling him by the waistt — hugging him. “Oh y/n.” Steven voiced was filled with worry, he doesn’t know what’s wrong, he wanted to help. He rubbed my back and pulled away — watching Conrad’s car arrive.

He walked towards them “Why the fuck are you together? What happened to y/n? What the fuck did you do?!” Steven yelled — walking towards Conrad, grabbing his shirt. His eyes were filled with fury, he had the urge to hurt Conrad.

“Steven stop!” Laurel walked towards them trying to pull Steven away from Conrad. “What happened?” Laurel asked Belly — but Belly looked down, she started crying — she couldn’t even look at her moms eyes, she felt disgusted — guilty.

“Is no one going to fucking speak? can someone tell me what the fuck happened?!” Steven yelled again. He was frustrated, frustrated seeing me cry like this, What could’ve Conrad done to make you cry like this?

It was like there was a light bulb inside Steven’s head because itt all connected. Steven looked at both Conrad and Belly, oh he fucking knows. He knew it, he knew what they did. He knew that it was a wrong decision letting me be with Conrad.

“Y’all fucked huh? you cheated on y/n? is that what it is?!” Steven looked up, he couldn’t even look at Conrad — he couldn’t even look at his own sister, he’s mad — disappointed.

“Steven! Words!” Laurel yelled. Belly couldn’t talk, she was scared of her brother — scared of what he might do, they never saw him get angry like this. Conrad walked towards him “Look dude, we can talk about this inside.” pushing Steven gently towards the door.

“No shut the fuck up, I don’t want to hear anything from you. I’m taking y/n inside, Conrad just go home and you Belly.. mom just take her home.” Steven said pushing Conrad away from him — walking towards me, pulling me against him, guiding me towards the door.

We just sat there in my couch, I cried and I cried and Steven just lets me. He just listened all night, not judging me at all — not asking me questions because he knew. Just thinking about it makes him mad. He wanted to hurt Conrad but he can’t because Conrad was someone who’s still special to me and he didn’t want me to hate him. Steven would die if I did.

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I woke up with a headache — probably from too much crying. It was now the day after I caught Conrad and Belly. I didn’t want to care anymore, we never really made things official — whatever was going on between us, but it still hurts me — it still hurts me because I thought we really had something going on. But I guess it was just me, because it looked like Conrad had something else in mind.

“Y/n!” I heard someone yell fron outside my window, I got out of my bed and walked towards the window — there he was, Conrad. He was standing outside my house — with flowers in his hands — roses, my favorite ones. “Just go home!” I yelled.

His shoulders slumped, his mouth frowning. Well what did he expect? that it’ll be that easy to take me back? maybe if I was dumb enough I would but no.

“Please, I… I want to talk to you!”

“There’s nothing to talk about Conrad, just go!” I said, about to go back to my bed but I saw Steven come out of his house — walking towards Conrad, grabbing his shoulders — pulling him away.

“Steve please, just let me talk to h-her” Conrad pleaded — pushing Steven’s hands away.

“Look, I think you’ve done enough. Just go home.” Steven said, pushing Conrad towards his his car. “W-what the fuck? why are you acting l-like this?” Conrad said — pushing Steven away. Conrad’s eyes were filled with rage, his face confused — he was confused by Steven’s actions

I immediately went down the stairs and went out of the house to stop Conrad and Steven. “Stop! Calm down!” I said, pushing the both of them away from each other.

I stood infront of Steven, observing Conrad’s features, his face was flushed — he couldn’t talk properly, his hair was disheveled. “Are you out of your mind?! why would you drive here when you’re drunk! Steven please?.” I turned to Steven, he immediately knew what to do — he nodded.

“Come on Conrad.” He said before pushing Conrad towards his car. “Where… where are we going?” Conrad asked —confused.

“Home, come one. Let’s go” Steven said, opening the passenger’s door for Conrad. “But.. y/n” Conrad whined. He’s such a baby when he’s drunk, it’s ridiculous.

“Just go Conrad, talk to me when you’re sober.” I said, looking at him. Conrad looked back at me before following Steven — too dizzy to fight with either of us.

“Okay, left leg first — then right” Steven instructed.

“I know how to get in a fucking car” Conrad said before going inside the passenger seat — head first. I saw Steven scratch his head — annoyed. After Conrad got in, Steven went around and sat at the driver’s seat.

I waved at Steven but Conrad might’ve thought that It was for him so he waved back — he was just too drunk — too out of his mind to even know what’s going on. I just shook my head and went back inside my house.

I didn’t want to care anymore but i’d lie if I didn’t say tht a huge part of me died. It sucks — it’s traumatizing, it’s the biggest heartbreak anyone can feel. I should’ve been smarter — more alert. God I feel so stupid.

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taglist : @joeybandthings @scysuxx @fangirl-kimora @avengershoeee @tasha13-blog2

i decided to make into a series !! this one will probably have 3 chapters so two more then i’ll start on the sequel for “before everything happened” 👀 so watch out & lmk if you guys want to get tagged <3

[meikadonnelly]

|| nikki sixx ||

nikki sixx x fem!reader

angst

you run into an old friend…

warnings : arguing, swearing, yelling, crying, smoking, implied alcohol consumption.

(may have a part 2? let me know how you guys feel about it).

You had moved from Seattle to LA only a few weeks ago, and between finding a job and unpacking, you hadn’t really had the chance to do anything fun like you expected.

Until now.

You’d gotten a job as a waitress/bartender at one of the many bars on Sunset Strip boulevard and had gotten to know a few of the other girls who worked there. One of them, Kylie, had asked if you wanted to go out, and naturally, you nodded your head and agreed.

So here you were, walking into the Whiskey A-Go-Go, all dolled up in your usual fishnets and leather, with three women you’d only known for a week.

The room was buzzing. Music coming from every corner, glasses clinking together behind the bar, and laughter filling your ears. Of course you had heard of this place. It was the biggest competition of the bar you worked at. It was known for hosting some pretty popular bands and every wannabe was trying to get a gig there, but you never thought it would be so popular that you had to turn sideways and shimmy in between people just to look for a booth. Luckily, Kylie managed to utilise her friendliness… and lack of clothing, to convince a couple of guys out of one.

You’d sat down in the booth across from Kylie, one leg crossed over the other, and your small, black purse sitting on the table in front of you before a waitress came over with a notepad and a black drinks tray tucked under her arm.

“What can I get for you girls?” she had asked with an over exaggerated, red-lipped smile.

Turns out, we all drink the same thing. Vodka and lemonade.

“I’ll bring those out,” the waitress had said politely before stepping away, letting the view of the bar reappear in front of you.

And that’s when you saw him.

Which brings us to now.

You stare at the booth across the room. You recognise the face instantly. It’s him. He’s sitting right there, talking and laughing with a few other guys, similar to him, like it’s just another saturday night.

Which it is.

To everyone else in the world.

But for you?

This is the night everything comes crashing down.

“Holy shit.” You mutter quietly which makes Kylie look at you, who due to the fact that she’s sitting in front if you, can see the look on your face.

“You alright?” She asks which snaps you out of your daze. You nod and take a deep breath, regaining your composure. She nods and looks back to the others who are discussing their recent sexual relations. After the attention is away from you, you glance back towards him, but this time, to your utter disbelief, he’s looking back at you.

You hold his gaze for what feels like 10 minutes before tearing your eyes away so that you can grab your purse and slip out of the booth.

“Just going for a cigarette,” you tell the girls, which seems to convince them enough, so you push your way back through the crowd and onto the sidewalk outside the bar. You look around to see a few other people standing around so you walk a little further along before stopping and leaning back on the cold brick exterior of the building.

You reach into your purse and grab a cigarette from its cardboard pack as well as your shiny silver lighter. You quickly spark it up, close your eyes and take a long, almost peaceful drag from it.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

Well that didn’t last long.

You open your eyes and look briefly at the familiar yet stranger-like man standing next to you, watching you with his hands in the pockets of a black leather jacket.

“Hi Frank,” you finally mutter before blowing out a large amount of smoke from between your lips.

“It’s Nikki now.”

Right. He did mention that in senior year.

You nod while you tap your cigarette and watch as the loose ash falls onto the grey pavement. Despite the sound of the usual nightly bustle, music and occasional whistle of a cat-caller in the distance, the silence is thick. You’re still leaned back on the brick wall, holding your cigarette between your index and middle fingers, while Nikki’s rocking back and forth on his feet, his body facing you, but his head turned to look out onto the street.

“What’re you doing in LA?” The silence is broken by his voice once again. A feeling of relief shoots through your veins, but it’s soon followed by an awkward nervousness when you realise you need to answer him. And that he’s now staring two burning holes into the side of your head.

“I moved here about 3 weeks ago.” You finally respond, still looking forward as you watch the busy street before you, avoiding any possible eye contact.

“Oh,” he says quietly. “Cool.”

You nod and take another drag of your cigarette.

“You always wanted to move here,” he speaks again, breaking the short silence once again.

“I did,” you say plainly before blowing the smoke back out into the cool night air.

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.”

These damn silences.

“You working?”

“Bar down the street, you?”

“In a band.”

Surprise surprise.

“Got any plans now that you’ve moved?”

“Not really.”

“Oh.”

He stays quiet for a while this time, seeming to be unsure of what to say. He keeps rocking back and forth while tapping his foot on the pavement every once in a while, but he doesn’t speak or make an attempt to leave.

“Why’d you follow me out here?” You ask, not looking in his direction, your voice still plain and short. He looks down for a second before finally shifting his gaze to the side of your face in which he can see.

“I saw you in there and wanted to say hey,” he responds softly. You nod and look down at the cigarette in your hand as it burns further and further towards the end of it’s purpose.

“So why did you move to LA?” he asks. You take a drag from your now small cigarette and look down the street in the opposite direction for a second before looking back down at the small roll of tobacco in your hand.

“Like you said, I always wanted to,” you reply quietly. “Thought I’d finally do it.”

He watches you, noticing how you’re looking everywhere but at him.

“You alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

“Well I am.”

He keeps looking at you, a slight frown on his face as his green eyes study you carefully.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Alright.”

An attempt to cut the conversation off by being short. You continue to look forward while you bring your cigarette up to your lips, taking one more long drag from it and dropping it on the ground, squishing it with your foot.

You stand there, looking down at the squished cigarette for a few seconds before reaching back into your purse and grabbing another one. You put it between your lips and your hand quickly dives back into the small bag to grab your lighter, which you click open and guide to the end of the fresh cancer stick. Between the action of grabbing your lighter and the action of holding it to your cigarette, you drift your gaze towards where nikki was.

Please be gone.

Nope, still there.

You focus on lighting up and flick your lighter a couple of times, like usual. You watch it spark and flicker in front of your face yet it doesn’t catch so you flick it a few more times but still, nothing.

“Piece of shit,” you mutter under your breath, the words muffled while the cigarette is still held between your lips.

“I have a lighter.”

You look over at Nikki, still standing there, looking at you while you look down.

“I don’t need your help,” you say, maybe a little harsher than you were meaning to, but still, it got the point across. He frowns slightly when you sigh and step over to the dumpster around the corner of the building and throw your lighter inside.

As you close the large black lid, you hear a voice behind you.

“Need a light?”

You look at the man standing before you as you turn around. Must be around your age. “Just noticed you were throwing one away, thought you might need one.”

You smile as he holds out a lighter, similar to the one you just threw out, and take it from his hand. You light your cigarette up and hand it back to him as you take a short drag.

“Thank you,” you say gently.

“Any time,” he replies, slipping the lighter back into his pocket. “I’m Jamie.”

You look down at his outstretched hand offering a handshake.

“And she’s not interested.”

You turn around to see Nikki standing next to you, staring at Jamie. You follow his gaze and see that Jamie’s now gone.

“What the fuck Nikki?” You snap, turning to face him.

“You just shrugged me off,” he mutters, his gaze drifting to yours. You cross your arms.

“No I didn’t.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.”

“I know when you are.”

“You know nothing about me,” you say loudly. He frowns a little as he stares down at you. “I haven’t seen you in what? Five years? A lot has changed since then so don’t you dare say you know me at all.”

He stares at you while he creates a crinkle between his dark eyebrows as he frowns more, his expression a mix of confusion, hurt and anger.

“I knew you for a long time, people don’t just change,” he defends.

“So your new look isn’t change?” you question with one of your brows raised as your eyes drift down his figure and back up again. “Your new lifestyle isn’t change?”

“Don’t push this back on me.”

“You started this, and since you claim to know me so well, you should know that i’m clearly not interested in talking to you.”

He shakes his head and glances around as he runs his tongue over his teeth.

“What? Got nothing to say?” you ask harshly, which makes him look back at you. You wait for him to speak but he just looks down his nose at you silently.

“Didn’t think so,” you say. You look down at your forgotten cigarette and see that it’s pretty much gone, so you drop it on the ground and squash it. You reach and zip your little purse up completely and adjust it on your shoulder before walking away from him and back into the bar.

Two days later.

You look around at the mostly empty bar in which you work at, while you dry a few glasses with a towel on your hand. Apart from the usuals that like to come in before the nightly chaos, no one would ever come into the bar before 7pm, hence the level of noise in the room.

You look down at your watch briefly as you feel it tick against your skin.

5:23.

“Some guy asked me about you the other night.”

You look to your right to see Kylie also drying some glasses next to you.

“What guy?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Tall, dark hair, comes in here sometimes actually.” She replies, glancing around the bar.

“What did he ask?”

“He just made conversation at first, but then he asked if I could give him your number.” You look at her.

“Did you?”

She shakes her head. “Not my place to give out your number to strangers.”

You nod and look back down to your glass.

“I just lied and told him we only work together so I don’t have your number.”

You think for a second before speaking again.

“Didn’t you say he comes here sometimes?” you ask.

“Yeah why?”

“He knows we work together, and he knows you work here,” you say.

“And?” she questions.

“He’s gonna figure out that I work here too Kylie.”

Kylie pauses what she’s doing and looks at you.

“Oh,” she says quietly. “Shit, sorry.” You tilt your head slightly and give her a small smile.

“You were just trying to be a good friend,” you say softly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure?” she asks and you nod.

“Positive.”

She smiles and looks back down to what she’s doing.

“Was he at least cute?” you ask, a slight teasing tone hidden in your voice. She giggles a little.

“Oh yeah, he’s a looker, that’s for sure.”

Ding ding.

You turn your head towards the door of the bar which the bell had rung from and see a tall, solo figure walking in.

“Speak of the devil,” Kylie mutters with a smirk on her face.

“That’s the guy?” you whisper yell in question, turning your head to look at her. She looks back at you with an eyebrow raised.

“You don’t think he’s cute?” she asks quietly, almost in disbelief to which you roll your eyes. She speaks again.

“I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m very much out of the loop now and it’s making me uncomfortable.”

You give her a look and she puts her hands up in defence.

“Just saying,” she adds.

“I know him,” you tell her quietly. “Well, I used to.”

“What? How?”

“Long story.”

“Hey Kylie.”

You turn your head to see that Nikki is now standing on the other side of the bar, looking at her.

“Nikki,” she says, putting on her customer service voice with a small nod and a smile. He returns the smile before shifting his gaze to you. You look back at him, the silence dragging on long enough for anyone with half a brain to notice. Kylie nudges you gently.

“I think you’re due for a break,” she says, a knowing look in her eyes. You look at her.

Bitch.

“I think I should stay here and help you.”

She raises her eyebrow again before looking around the mostly empty bar. You take a deep breath.

“Fine,” you say, throwing the towel onto the counter in front of you. You step back, untie your apron and put it on the shelf under the bar before walking out from behind it. Nikki looks at you.

“Can we talk?” he asks softly. You glance back at Kylie who’s serving a customer. “Please?” he adds on which makes you look at him again and you eventually nod before walking outside.

You both get outside and walk around the corner into the parking lot behind the building. You turn and look at him, waiting for him to speak. He folds his arms across his chest as he tries to think of how to start to conversation, his gaze jumping from spot to spot nervously. You glance to your left at the small parking lot which is still mostly empty as you fold your own arms in front of you before taking a deep breath.

“What’d you wanna talk about?” you ask plainly. Not in a rude way, but enough to show him you weren’t thrilled to be in his presence, which he probably already knew.

“You know what I want to talk about,” he replies quietly, a slight edge to his voice as he looks at you to find you still gazing out at the parking lot. “I just don’t know how to start the conversation.”

Clearly.

You let your shoulders slump a little as you sigh quietly, the sound barely loud enough for you to hear, let alone him. He stays quiet, thinking about how to approach the subject that’s on both of your minds.

“It’s been 5 years,” you say, breaking the silence and looking at him. “5 years and not once have you reached out.”

He looks back at you, his heart beating out of his chest.

“I know,” he says quietly, his voice vulnerable as his eyes drift to the concrete under his feet. “I never meant for that to happen.”

“You travelled from Seattle to LA and never came across a payphone?” You ask, your voice a little higher from frustration which makes him look at you again with a frown.

“You think I just forgot about you?” he questions. “You think that once I left Seattle, I didn’t think about you?”

You shrug and shake your head. “I don’t know but it sure felt like it.”

He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t have to. I couldn’t stay with my mother any longer.”

“I know that, but you left without a warning,” you argue. “You just came, said you were leaving and that was that.”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you did.”

He keeps looking at you, a frown still present on his face.

“You were my best friend and you hurt me,” you state, your voice shaking ever so slightly. He goes to speak, his lips parting for a second, but they soon close again so he looks down. You fold your arms across your chest and watch him silently until you see his chest rise as he takes a deep breath and looks at you.

“You knew I was going to leave when I turned 18, who cares if I left earlier?” he argues.

“How can you even say that?” you snap. “How can you just act like it’s not a big deal?”

He watches as your anger rises. “Because it was going to happen anyway. It just happened sooner,” he says. You shake your head in disbelief of how he’s just dismissing the subject.

“I could have come with you,” you say. “I could have moved to LA, got a job and still kept my best friend.”

“You needed to stay and graduate to go to college,” he tells you, holding eyes contact with you while he waits for you to argue with him. But you don’t, which makes him frown. “You went to college right?” he questions.

“I couldn’t afford it,” you tell him.

“You were almost guaranteed a scholarship because of your grades,” he says, his arms now crossed too. You shrug a little and stay quiet. “So you just graduated and did nothing?”

You nod slowly but Nikki sees right through you and his eyes turn from one level of concerned, to the next.

“You did graduate, didn’t you?”

Shit.

“You didn’t fucking graduate?” he says loudly, his tone edging on angry, which makes you look away until he speaks again. “How the hell didn’t you graduate?”

“Why do you care so much?” you ask, your voice becoming stand offish.

“Because you always wanted to go to college!” he says, one of his arms moving from its crossed position to wave around.

“Things change Frank, you said it yourself,” you say which makes him screw his face up slightly. “Sorry. Nikki,” you say, correcting yourself.

He always hated that name, no wonder he changed it.

He’s happy when you right yourself however he doesn’t show it as he continues to look at you. “Yeah, things change, but you talked about college all through high school! There’s no fucking way you just gave up.”

“Well I wouldn’t be working in a fucking bar in LA if I went to college now would I?” you snap, leaning forward slightly as your hands move to your hips.

“My grades went down and I failed senior year,” you say. “They wanted me to repeat so I dropped out. There, happy?”

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. He just stands there, disbelief written all over his face, praying that what he’s hearing isn’t true.

“What the hell have you been doing for the past 5 years?” he asked, his voice still edging on angry, but he sounds more hurt than anything.

You shrug. “I did what everyone else does when they don’t go to college. I worked.”

“And that’s it? You just worked?” he questions skeptically.

“Again, why do you care this much?” you ask. He clenches his jaw as he stands up straight again, his arms crossed.

“Because you were the one with a future,” he states, his voice a little quieter than before. “I was the high school drop out who ran away to Los Angeles. I was always going to be. I knew that. But you aren’t.”

You feel your chest tightening and your emotions bubbling to the surface. “Well I’m sorry for disappointing you,” you say, somewhat sarcastically. “But I’m not the same person I was back then. I never will be.”

And with that, you push past him and walk back into the quiet bar, where Kylie is still cleaning glasses. She sees you walk in and goes to speak but you step right past her and into the small break room behind the bar. As she watches you close the door, she hears the bell ring again and Nikki rushes over as he sees you in the window of the break room door.

“Wait!” he calls out, putting both hands on the bar so he can lean over it sightly. Kylie moves to stand in front of him and she shakes her head.

“Give her some space,” she says softly, which makes him finally look away from the door. He meets her eyes and shakes his head.

“Space is what got us into this mess.”

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt.5 because who needs a normal hobby anyway (the generator I used)

Luke: That's a nice arguement, Sam. Why don't you back it up with a source? Sam: My source is that I made it the fuck up! Luke: How high are you? Tom: Mm, I don’t know how to say it in feet. Sam: No, he's asking what drugs are you on. Tom: Oh, antidepressants, why? AJ: Where the devil is Tom? Luke: Well, it is raining outside… Maybe he melted? Sam: Shall I look outside for a tiny, ill-fitting hat?

Sam: If bees can be fish and boys can be girls, then why can't my dad love me? Tom: I thought I was going to have to yell at you, but now I think I should hug you.

Luke walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Tom, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK. Tom, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :) Sam, after sneaking into AJ’s bedroom: Hey, wake up! AJ, half awake: Huh!? Sam: I just murdered your entire family! AJ: …But I live alone. Sam: Huh? Then who are these people in your house??? AJ: There’s people in my house? Sam: Well not anymore! Dumb bitch! You could’ve died! You’re welcome! AJ: They… well, I wouldn't call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff? Tom: Um, murder??? Sam: Adventuring! Luke: Tuesday. Luke: You can de-escalate literally any situation by asking ‘are we about to kiss?’ Luke: Doesn't work with getting out of speeding tickets, though. Luke: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you? Tom: Luke, it's four o'clock in the morning. Luke: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket? Tom: Sam gets offended by everything. Sam: What did you say about me?!? Tom: Tom: Case in point. Luke: wow you and Tom are home early from the movies. What happened? AJ: We got kicked out because Tom wouldn't stop yelling diving scores as people jumped off the titanic. Tom: That last guy had a solid 8, I'm telling you! Sam: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it. Tom: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side. Luke: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE! Sam: What are your three best qualities? Luke: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends. Sam: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. AJ: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. Luke: A realist sees a freight train. Tom: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks. Tom: Luke! Have you no dignity? Luke: Of course not! How long have we known eachother? Tom: AJ? What are you doing here? AJ, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best. Luke: A stake to the heart won't kill a vampire if their tits are big enough. AJ: Yeah, you just catch it. Tom: Nah nah nah, deflects it. Stake? Just bounces right off. Done. Back to doing hot girl shit. Sam: Then I just use a spear instead. Luke: You are trying so hard to kill a vampire with big bazongas, and for what? Why would you do that to the ecosystem? Tom, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Sam, standing in front of Tom: *bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen* Tom, crying: Please...stop...

Tom: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob. AJ: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test! Sam: Ok, AJ, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918? AJ: 1917. Sam: ...You're ready. Luke: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products! Luke: *sprays hairspray in his mouth* Luke: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good. Tom: Sam just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then he reached down and untied my shoe. Luke: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Sam. Sam: I hate myself. Luke: Alright, square up. *AJ is considering cancelling plans, and Tom and Sam are advising him on what to do* Tom: Just don't go. Sam: Say you’re ill! Tom: Pretend to break your leg. Sam: Really break your leg! AJ: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset? Luke: No, I said "AJ, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset. AJ: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon. Tom: Spear. AJ: BLOCKED. Sam: Quacking in my boobs over this Sam: QUAKING* Sam: BOOTS* FUCKER.

+ Bonus message from the programmer of the generator:

Congratulations! You've stumbled upon a secret message from me (the programmer of this generator): Remember to drink water. And also take your meds if you have those and are supposed to take them. Also, have a nice day if that's a possibility. I hope y'all are doing great, and remember: Happy pride month! Always respect eachother's pronouns! (sadly it's no longer pride month but that that doesn't mean that we shouldn't continue to respect each other's pronouns)