#and im glad so many other people have loved it too
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Happy Pride to my Cupiromantic Aphmau Headcannon + The Anon who asked for it specifically
this series is gay as hell but that's still my finest moment
#this is mostly a /j lmfao#but I still just adore that headcanon with all my heart#and im glad so many other people have loved it too#Happy pride Aphverse fandom!#Aphverse#minecraft diaries#aphmau minecraft diaries#aphmau#arri babbles#aphmau aphverse
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Monster Clover, like this is so awesomecool.
They're such a little beast and it is amazing and please i need more, like written text even i just need the juicy lore and emotional moments that are circling in ur brain.
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HAT: RETRIEVED!!
#undertale yellow#uty clover#flowey the flower#chara dreemurr#frisk undertale#monster clover au#my art#as for emotional moments. hang in there for another day or 2. got a big batch of comics coming 😈#if i ever made a fic for this au i would not advertise it. i got irls following me#they can look at all my cringe ass art but if they read a WORD of fic i wrote i would have to end it all. hope this helps#anyways. frisk appears!! i wont be doing too many canon ut characters in this little au but i like frisk :)#theyre also important for the next part#narrator chara makes an appearance too bc i love them#cowboy (gender neutral)#SORRY I LOVE RAMBLING IN TAGS </3 i love Talking#BUT THANK YOUU i also love my little skrungly im so glad other people like them so much too#mcau comic#mcau art
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i’m so used to how you draw zelda that whenever i see someone else draw her it’s literally like. skinny person jumpscare.
literally being a fat zelda truther is so hard bc why do people insist on drawing the girl like she's never had a meal in her life. put some meat on her bones please god she is starving
#yeah botw zelda fanart is always like. woe. skinny girl be upon ye#and people on instagram get SOOOO pissed about the way i draw her its so funny. the comments are always so formulaic#like its always 'uhmmm im skinny and ur taking away MY representation my body type is beautiful too!!'#or 'um i just dont think you should be promoting an unhealthy body type' SHUT THE FUCK UP. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD#OR if its a man theyll be like 'um you made her look fat :/' like its an insult. like yeah babe that was on purpose. lmfao#and its not like i dont notice that people ONLY EVER get pissed about how i stylize ZELDA'S body. because i change link's body type too.#but i make HIM noticably SKINNIER. like gee i wonder why we have a problem with one of these but not the other one guys. lmao#anyway. im glad tumblr has so many fat zelda appreciators because things are fucking bleak on instagram lmao#and i do also occasionally get jumpscared by skinny zelda. like i KNOW she looks like that but also She Would Not Fucking Look Like That#asks
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idk how much of it is for the meme but I genuinely love seeing all the Jori love on your blog 🥺 she's a favorite DLC boss of mine but I understand how she's easily overshadowed by the other very cool ones... but. she's my special little war criminal <3 and I love her fight music so much !!
GENUINELY I love Jori so much I think the boss fight is so fun and silly and her character design and animations are so funny and cute to me <3 the joke on my tier list is that she’s not actually a remembrance boss because the remembrance was cut from the game haha… I did a ranking of all the dlc bosses here (my opinions have slightly changed since then but I stand by putting Jori as high as I did). gameplay-wise there’s definitely a lot of bosses I prefer but Jori is just such a hilarious and delightful experience that she still beats out a lot of other bosses for me haha! I think this boss is so hated because people get really hung up on the game mechanics being annoying but I think people really underestimate how much cute funny character animations can make an otherwise annoying boss fight fun lol… simply embrace the whimsy
#asks#jori elder inquisitor#jori#im so glad other people love jori too it makes me so happy 😭😭😭😭#i like to meme because i think its funny to act like jori is the best boss when so many people despise her#but dont get it twisted my love for jori is genuine#there is something irresistable to me about characters who look like adorable little stuffed animals#but are actually like deeply sick and twisted individuals who have murdered thousands#if anyone remembers me from my hollow knight era this is soul master to me
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Just looked at the digital remains again and oh my god why are we not talking more about the original lyrics to backslide
If I were to backslide, tell everyone we know
Thanks for the last time they came out
...
Why did I not thank you more, saving me those other times
(Don't you dare jump in)
...
I'd rather you hurt me, than do nothing at all
I'd rather you let me down, than just gas me up
I'd rather you cuse me, than do nothing at all
...
You won't make a sound, pick someone else I won't be around
Trapped inside your smile, don't put me on trial
Don't you see you take, everything from me
#christ this is so sad#oh my god i am havimg Feelings#something about the#why did i not thank you more#saving me those other times#(dont you dare jump in)#this is breaking me#im kind of glad those lines didnt make it on to the album i dont think i would have survived it#im curious as to why though#i really really hope its because he was doing better when actually making the song than when he originally wrote it#but i dont know#im worried about him#not to be pathetically parasocially attached to a man i dont even know#but these lines just. scare me.#i hope hes doing okay#i hope hes surrounded by the people he loves#and i hope he genuinely knows how much of an impact hes had on so many peoples lives#and i hope that doesnt scare him too much#it feels like these lines are about us#i dont know i cant articulate why this is hitting me so deeply but it is#and i hope josh is doing ok too#its easy to focus more on tylers thoughts and emotions because hes the one who verbalizes them#but i worry about josh too and i hope he also knows how much of an impact hes had#i just want to hug them both so bad#and it does reassure me that in most of the songs theres still an undercurrent of hope and a desire to keep fighting#twenty one pilots#tyler joseph#josh dun#clancy#clancy digital remains
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cassandra isnt using the cheese wheel anymore. F
#ghosts howling#oh it was so fucking funny though#other things: war table is so stressful. throne is stressful. heron may be a good leader but i sure am not#i think im holding her back.. not making the smart decisions... because im not very smart#im too scared to sit on the throne again so only like two people have been sentenced and one was the tutorial guy#and i fucked it up (it was in character but fucking things up still hurts me even if its in character. because im an empath (joke))#my mercenary company loves me which is GOOD heron loves them too. im glad they were happy with fighting demons#ummm other stuff? im still emo about varric. im also emo over the fact that hes probably the character with highest approval rn#(idk how to check or if you even can check) so like the guy i get along with the best is the guy who i personally hurt beyond belief#feeling so very normal about it#i dont think im able to keep anyone happy. im so bad at this stuff. but also its everyone elses fault for suddenly making me a prophet#so now theyre going to have to deal with me and how bad i am at politics#also i hate how many war table nodes are best solved with spies i can rarely find something to throw cullen onto#uugghh why am i MINMAXING TIME in a SINGLE PLAYER GAME#okay theres my daily complaint about war table timers back to grinding areas and side quests and such while they play out
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sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because that’s me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with ‘girls’ just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You can’t hit the mark for ‘girl’. You’ll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesn’t hurt! But nooo instead they’re looking or ‘sing with the other girls’ and you fucking can’t#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and aren’t on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. It’s like we’re all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they won’t get it is ‘girl’#and it’s like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! You’re GIRL. So you’re doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that… showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because I’m greedy and I want what I couldn’t have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Haven’t had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize we’re somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the ‘wrong’ voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And I’m otherwise GLAD to be confusing#I’ve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole ‘what am I’ presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lion’s lair
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SO THERE'S THIS APOSTATE NAMED MORRIGAN.......
#so far my dragon age experience has been me having low expectations bc its an older game#and nostalgia does a lot of heavy lifting with some games and how people enjoyed them#and then me being blown out of the fucking water#i have so many theories about who what and why and from where and im so used to automatically dismissing most of them#bc games dont usually get That Serious but origins has not pulled any damn punches so far so why would they start now??#anyway this post is about morrigan who i thought would be a villain and is instead so fucking funny#the banter with alistair is killing me#you know what else is killing me? the fact that she can't be romanced by a female player#AND THE FACT THAT YOU CANNOT FUCKING ROMANCE CULLEN IN THIS GAME#HE WAS PRAISING YOU AND STUTTERING AND BEGGING YOU TO KEEP TALKING TO HIM IN THE MAGI TOWRR AND YOU CANT ROMANCE HIM????#i am SO mad#i am glad i learned early tho bc i wouldve been holding out on a cullen romance the entire game and been very confused#i think ill romance alistair? idk hes a bit too much of a frat boy for me but he is growing on me#and i do love a man with manners (templars apparently)#also he mellowed out a lot after the darkspawn battle and takes things more seriously now methinks#and tbh i dont have many other options LOL#lelaina is. not my type (at least not yet lol she literally JUST joined the party)#BUT i am very interested in zevran. i havent met him yet but i think ill like him#i wanted to romance cullen :( and then duncan after that :( and then morrigan after that :(#i am also very glad i decided to start with origins bc apparently some characters make appearances in later games#and i LOVE that stuff#no more googling for me tho!! ive never played a whole series without any spoilers so i want to try it
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So the book club that I've been in since 2022 has 9 regular members now including me, and we have collectively read a total of 28 books together now. This month we put all of our book choices and the members' ratings of the books on an Excel spreadsheet, and have been having fun figuring out various trends and statistics and so on – what decades we have mostly read from, what countries, what genres, what our most and least highly rated picks were for each year, etc. I also thought it would be fun to use the spreadsheet on my own to figure out who rates things most and least similarly to each other in the club. What shocked me was that I found out that I scored the number one most similar/compatible rater to every single other person in the club except two (I was 2nd most similar rater for somebody and 4th most similar rater for the other). Also, apparently me and the guy who I scored least compatible with based on our ratings/taste have the top rated book selections on average in the club so far. I'm not at all sure what this means except that I just know from now on I'm going to have this secret semi-subconscious goal in my mind of inching my way higher in this one outlier book club member's taste compatibility scoring for 2025 hahaha
#not like in a 'im going to change my ratings or book selections intentionally to do so' way#just like in a 'im going to be paying closer attention to this from now on and watching it with interest' sort of way#because there's nothing i love more than setting myself dumb secret challenges and experiments#this book club member also scored as the member with the most unpredictable ratings i think?#you just never know what he's gonna think of something which makes it interesting i suppose#like for example when i was being really harsh on study for obedience he ended up rating it 4 stars#also there are SO many questions in my mind about why i am most compatible with 6 out of 8 of the members there rn#like is it mostly because of me or them or just a mix of both#i plotted our ratings out on a line for each book and saw that very often i tend to be in the middling upper portion of the ratings we give#like im almost never the one giving it the highest rating of all but im also usually more generous with the stars i give than the others#and ive never given the lowest rating in the group of all on any book either#so is it just like not being too extreme but also slightly more positive with your ratings leads to being most likely to match others?#i think it must also depend on how other people are rating them. like are they using other people's ratings to decide their own or not#i tend to try to just rate the books based purely on my own taste and regardless of what the others thought#but idk about everybody else#also im glad that i think most of us are also trying to be fair like we will rate our own books low if we genuinely didn't enjoy them too#ALSO AT THE END OF THE DAY book club is definitely about more than just slapping a star rating on a book#and the star rating sometimes has little to do with how great a book club discussion you'll get out of it#but i still think we're having a friendly competition over trying to get the highest ratings from the others#idk sorry this is how i actually have fun hahaha like this is my team sports#another weird stat i found interesting was that i have given out an average of 3.15 stars to the books#and my selections for the club have been rated an average of 3.14 stars by the group#i was the only member to have these numbers be so close together as well#p
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puppets bunker and ddos attacks have never been so much fun
#me holding my alliance like a squeaky toy and only getting one commend for it#I held you together. I raised u. I saved u and this is the thanks I get#but no I fuck around and find out for funsies and it’s like. six commends#anyway I was telling my friend like. I don’t have to think—#okay both healers die in alliance C and I rez one#I look back at my own alliance and half of everyone is dead. co-healer included#and then a bunch of them die again on the same mech#we almost die to the flyers not being killed bc the other alliances are dying#we get to the alliance split and our tank has an issue come up so he has to afk#so I’m keeping this ninja alive on a prayer#then half of the alliance dies again bc they went the wrong way w the arrow chaser aoes#that happened twice. there was a 30 percent boss health percentage difference going on#the icing on the cake tho was after the phase change in the final boss—boom ddos attack#so many people disconnecting. so many dying#alliance B lost everyone but the dps#it was carnage and I’m sitting here like. trying to keep everyone alive#tho like. Im not mad or upset about it tbh#it’s the sort of healer chaos where you’re sitting there juggling a bunch of stuff#that scratches the peanut of my brain#it’s much better chaos compared to CT raid chaos#mostly bc shield healers are the most fun at those levels compared to regen. to me at the very least#I have more resources at 80 w whm compared to 50 when shit hits the fan#but also pressing more than two buttons is more fun#CT just becomes utterly unbearable when you have people causing problems on purpose#when it is not an agreed upon clown time#ppl always talk about how bosses in nier have too much health when im like#im glad for it bc i like seeing mechanics#I love myths of the realm but when the final boss of the first raid can be killed before the most interesting mechanic is kinda#it’s kinda dogshit#owen talks
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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I don't understand why so many religious weirdos claim dinosaurs never existed and the bones/fossils dug out of the ground were buried under rock by scientists and then dug back out. it makes no sense at all. does their religion book tell them they were fake? is that what it is? because they seem to love letting some old mistranslated book dictate their entire life, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. they even make up stuff the book supposedly says to excuse their behavior and justify horrible things, which makes them hypocrites for not actually following their book they claim tells them exactly how to live their lives that they must follow exactly or they will go to hell. but they sure like to pick and choose what they follow and make up new rules. but anyway, why do they hate dinosaurs lmao
#rhetorical question. i dont actually care about their weird excuses. i know its probably weird anti evolution nonsense again#it's more of a why do they have the audacity to hate and deny dinosaurs and make up such ridiculous nonsense thats more unbelievable!#also by “religious weirdos” i mean mostly christians. its where i mostly see/hear this rhetoric. and the christian umbrella is large#but im sure other non christian religions have some book they follow that says dinos are fake or something so its#about them too#lee rambles#religion#people can believe in religion all they want if they arent harming others or forcing it on others#but i also think they shouldnt be allowed to deny reality and truth. some of them believe absolute fantasy and deny reality. its sad#and they often are the ones forcing it on others and harming others. because theyre so removed from reality they think#reality is an attack on their beliefs and think their beliefs are their life so they think we are trying to take their lives???? idk#do your thing but stop denying reality even if it contradicts your religion stuff. learn the difference between metaphors for#your religion and reality. maybe the book is fantasy that tells you stories with a moral lesson and arent meant to be taken literally#maybe they were never meant to replace reality and be seen as a real thing that happened#but no one who follows religion closely wants to criticize it by questioning things with logic#i guess it doesnt help we are taught to NOT question things of you go to hell. but i questioned anyway because my life is alreadg hell#and im doing way better now that i realized reality is better than a religion about sky daddy and his magic son#and following some outdated book about stuff that doesnt translate well to english or reality.#i rather feel like everything has its own energy/soul and we are all connected to the earth energy and a part of it because it feels nice#but i dont have to deny reality and force thst on others. you can think or do a thing that makes you feel better#but do it without denying reality or treating science and facts like an enemy religion or an opponent to take down#ah i could go on but this is getting long and rambly and off topic from main original topic. have many feelings about this#im glad at least my shoer religious family arent dino deniers. i grew up loving dinos so much and they let me love them#super* what is shoer 🤣
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sleepy guy what's your name
There's a strange feeling being around this guy. Stepping close to him feels like you've downed a shot and it's just started to hit you.
"Hmmmmmnnm...?" He hums. "D...Y...A...S...I...S..." he spells out for you.
"Dye-ah-sis. he...they." He describes. The introduction is through, if a little meandering. It takes you longer than you normally would to process it. The feeling you got stepping close to him hasn't dissipated. You may recognize it.
However sober you were when you began this interaction, you leave it feeling a little buzzed, despite not touching a drink.
#alcohol tw#mind control tw#since its like#you were not warned#he doesn't do it intentionally#also. please do not ask me if I'm okay because I made this character.#we are having fun over here <3#like seriously if you had anxiety and anytime you made an anxious character or a character that has to do with anxiety#people were like are you okay? are you sure you should be doing this?#you would feel a little put out and condescended too right?#i am not mad and I'm glad you want to check in because you care#but don't play armchair psychologist#my relation to this alcohol is complicated in many ways#but im allowed to talk about it#in any way that I want in my writing#I would just like to be treated as if I were any other tumblr blog that created this character#sorry that ramble went on to long#peace and love#I really like this guy <3#I think the way his powers affect his life is so interesting#dyasis asks#ask tag#eyestrain
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#idk why I got hooked watching the couples therapy documentary#and it’s so interesting#but now I’m so glad I never let anything get serious that has so far come my way#I’ve had involvements with people and I’ve had my heartbroken aplenty.#but I don’t actually think any of those were losses#and I’m glad I’m picky af#god Pluto rly working hard on my Venus#i don’t think I’ve ever experienced the approach to my birthday with such high self esteem#this time of year usually destroys me#but rn idk i feel like a person who does have so much love and others can actually see it now#I don’t feel so hidden or misunderstood as I used to#and that always brought me such a fear that I would never find the people I want around me#and that id always feel out of place#but I’m feeling good I’m feeling secure!!!#and im so glad I’m picky . I’ve dated too many people who tear me down in the hopes I’d feel too low to leave them#and I’ve had people who I adored or had a really great ongoing rapport with.#who may have understood me fundamentally. but our attitudes were so misaligned and I couldn’t sacrifice my values like that#and also that I tend to attract and be drawn to people with substance abuse struggles when that is my trauma and one thing I cant cope with#im glad I’m a deeply reflective person and i understand myself and my situations so well actually#thinking again how I’ve seen friends in either unhealthy or senseless relationships and i just#am so grateful for my own strengths fr fr
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𐚁๋࣭⭑ “you say it’s big, but you take it.” ┈─★ n. s
contains : virginity loss, big d!ck nagi :3, size difference, slight tummy bulge, praise, he’s talking you through it A LOTTT, nagi teaches reader how to give a blowjob ^___^!, pussay eating, established relationship, nagi jerking off to you ^3^, pull out, this one’s a little longer than my other works!!, aftercare, dumbification(?), kinda possessive nagi if you squint
you’re scared of losing your virginity, you really are. that is, until you ask nagi to take it from you.
character is aged up!
mdni!!!!! (minors do NOT interact)
a/n : ty @kittenish0 for requesting some nagi smut! happy new years to you as well! i’ve wanted to write him for a while now :3
nsfw under the cut
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he was surprised to find out you were a virgin early on in the relationship.
“how could someone so pretty like her be a virgin?” he thought to himself frequently. you were so, so pretty to him.
you were glad that he wasn’t pushing you to have sex like the other people before. he’s so gentle, so patient with you. you wonder how someone like him can handle someone like you—behavior wise.
every time you two kiss, you always have to pull away before it gets too heated. you’re scared of having sex, you really, really are, but you’ve always considered nagi to be the one to take your virginity away from you.
“m’sorry sei…. not ready yet…” you say, face buried into his shoulder along with your arms hung around them.
“it’s okay baby… when you’re ready, you’re ready, right? doesn’t have to be immediately…” he reassures, kissing your cheek.
…. ┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
it got him so, so fucking hard when you told him that you’re a virgin. the thoughts rushing to his head on how he can teach you how to take his dick, the pretty sounds you’d make, the possible bulge his cock can (will) show in your stomach, everything is rushing to his head.
so after that little restaurant date between the two of you, he goes back home to his apartment and jerks his cock off to every single thought about you, pretending his fist is your pretty, wet cunt taking all of him.
“fffuck— baby… gonna make me cum.. so tight…”
…. ┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
it’s been a couple of months since the two of you got together. you’ve done so many things together and your friends and his friends combined both think you two are cute together.
you figured it was about time to have sex at this point, so you decide to make your move tonight, but how? you’ve never done something like this before, nor ever felt this way for someone ever.
“you ready for our movie night date? :x”
“mhm! coming over right now sei!”
“can’t wait to see you angel, really missed you”
for some reason, that text he sent made your face so red and flushed! anticipation, maybe?
…. ┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
you’re currently on his bed, blanket on both of your laps, head on his shoulder as you two watch the movie you both agreed on.
“sei… can i tell you something?”
“hm? go ahead.” he says, reaching for the remote to pause the movie.
“i wanna try it…. want you to be my first time sei…i’ve been thinking about it all week…” you say while grabbing his arm, face flushed in a shade of red.
“are you sure, baby? this is so sudden… don’t wanna hurt you or anything..”
“im sure sei… think m’ready…” you say in that sweet, sweet tone you always have, the one that he hears every time you speak to him.
…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
“gonna take it slow for you, ‘kay?” he whispers in your ear, his body hovering over yours on the bed with his knee in between your thigh before kissing your soft, pretty lips, your arms over his shoulders with his hands at your waist.
“s—seishiro…. mm…” you whimper into the kiss as he brushes his knee slightly against your clothed cunt.
“hm? feels good?” he teases, breaking the kiss to start kissing all over your neck and down.
you love the way his lips feel on your body. the way he asks you if it feels good—it’s all too much! and he knows that it’s too much for you with the way your already whimpering on the fact that he’s getting closer to your pretty pussy.
“you’re so pretty… can kiss your body forever, angel.” he murmurs, placing kisses on your inner thighs before he places a kiss right on your cunt that’s still clothed in a pair of lacy panties. “fuck—these are so cute on you, baby…”
he plays with your sensitive bud with his fingers through the wet—soiled fabric, but not for long before he’s asking to take off your panties.
“gonna take these off of you now, that okay with you, pretty?”
“mhm… go ahead sei… please…” you plead desperately to the point where it’s almost embarrassing.
“mm— that’s a good girl..” he says as he takes off your panties slowly, kissing your pussy once more before licking the slit with his skilled tongue along with sucking your sensitive bud. “does it feel good, hm?”
“seishiro—! mmf… fffuckk—!” you moan at the new feeling, gripping at his soft white hair. if you knew it felt so good, you would’ve told him to do this sooner!
you swear that he’s humming into your cunt on purpose to make you squirm around him! he’s moaning saying how good you taste and fuck— it’s having an effect on you. you can feel that your about to cum despite the fact that you don’t even know how it feels to do so.
“s—sei… i think m’gonna cum soon… haah…—“
“yeah? you feel it, angel? cum for me… you’re doing so well.”
you swear that you could see literal stars as your orgasm washed over you. little whimpers of “m’cumming sei… mmf…!” coming out of your mouth.
“mm.. thats it, sweet girl… feel good?”
…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
“gonna teach you how to suck my dick now, yeah?” he whispers, kissing your neck before he takes off his sweatpants and boxers, his rock hard cock on display for you.
he knows that his cock isn’t the average size. it’s thick with pre all over his pink tip and it has a little prominent vein and holy shit—it’s making you so wet!
“seishiro… it’s s’big… don’t think i can take all of it…” you say, looking at it with big, curious eyes.
“s��okay baby… don’t need to take all of it..” he says, thumb rubbing your face.
…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
“focus on the tip… ‘s sensitive there…” he says, your lips and tongue on his tip tasting his pre. “ahh—shit…! you’re doing so well, angel. so good f’me…” he moans, his hand on your head. “you think you can take a bit more of me, hm? just a little more down?”
“m—mhm… i wanna try it… want to make you feel good too, sei..”
fuck.
it takes everything in him to not plow his big cock into your insides and completely ruin you. but of course, he holds back, it is your first time after all. he doesn’t wanna ruin his pretty girl juuust yet!
“mmf… you’re such a sweet girl, so perfect..” he smiles, thumb rubbing your face once more.
…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
“spit on your palm f’me… that way, you can move your fist up and down for the part that you can’t take, ‘kay?”
you spit onto your palm, globs of it falling down. you begin to suck him once more, taking more of his cock into your mouth this time.
he doesn’t expect you to take all of him into his mouth, especially since it’s your first time, but again, it really, really takes everything inside of him to not grip your hair and bob your head up and down on his cock.
you’re doing a lot more then he expected from a virgin. you’ve taken a good amount of him inside of your mouth, using your spit covered fist to jerk off the rest of his cock that couldn’t fit in your mouth.
“fuck—are you sure you’re a virgin, baby? you’re so good at this…haah—such a fast learner, aren’t you?” whimpers coming out of his mouth, the familiar feeling of cumming soon rushing over his body.
“gonna cum soon, angel… ohh shitt—… take it baby, take all of my cum in your mouth… that’s it…”
…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
“tell me when you’re ready, okay? gonna take it nice and slow f’you, sweet girl.” he responds, looking at you from underneath, his cock in his hand.
“m—mhm… think m’ready now… you got me so wet sei…”
“she’s so cute when she gets like this…” he thinks, moving his cock back and forth on your folds and slapping his cock onto your clit, teasing you so that he can hear your pretty, soft moans.
“mmf—! stop teasing me seishiro… please…” you pout for a little bit, finally feeling his cock stretch you out for the first time. it burns, but the feeling begins to turn into pleasure.
“fuck, you feel so good, baby…” he murmurs into your neck, thrusting his big cock inside of you slowly. “you alright? does it feel good, hm? want your first time to be perfect..”
“ahh..! s—sei! you’re too big—haah… can feel your cock in my stomach…” you whimper, pulling his hand to the bulge in your stomach that shows each time he thrusts deep inside. “feels sooo good, baby… love your cock so much… mmf—!”
“yeah? you like it, huh? only my cock can make you like this, sweet girl…” he knows you’ve gone dumb on his cock already! only babbling words out of your mouth from what you can hear from your knowledge.
“m—mhm you’re the only one seishiro….gonna cum again soon…” you start rubbing your clit with your fingers, your cunt squeezing itself on his cock as you get closer to the edge.
“mm!— m’cumming again sei…! gonna cum… ahh—!”
right before he’s about to cum, he pulls his cock out of your warm cunt, jerking it off infront of you as his cum goes right onto your stomach.
…┈─★ 𐚁๋࣭
he gets you a fresh pair of his clean clothes after your shower together, leaving a kiss on your cheek when he sees you on the bed.
“you okay, love?” he asks with a gentle tone, water droplets falling from his hair since you both had just gotten out of the shower.
“mhm… it felt really good, sei… thank you… wanna do it again soon…” you giggle softly, holding him tighter into your hug.
“don’t thank me, baby… wanted your first time to be as perfect as possible.” he says, kissing you once more before you both drift off to sleep.
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#blue lock#bllk#bllk smut#bllk x reader#bllk x you#blue lock smut#blue lock x female reader#blue lock x reader smut#blue lock nagi seishiro smut#seishiro nagi smut#nagi seishiro smut#blue lock nagi seishiro#seishiro nagi x reader#bllk nagi#blue lock nagi#seishiro nagi#nagi smut#nagi seishiro#nagi seishiro x reader#nagi seishiro x you#blue lock seishiro#bllk seishiro#bllk nagi smut
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Hidden Truths pt.2
Cregan x wife!reader
named reader no description, from house Glover
masterlist
part 1
thank y'all so much for the kind words and eagerness to see this part. Please forgive me for not replying to all asks being sent to inbox, you'll understand with the chap lol. The pressure was so real I had planned to write other things between pt 1 and 2 but I dropped everything to do this between work and sleep lol
changed the og ending because so many people thought it would be more fitting and I agreed lol
anon pointed out my mistake on glover and bolton im so sorry for that confusion yall it is meant to be glover originally. i made too many mistakes im a mess rn
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Ernest makes it to Cregan's solar first, Ron not far on his heels. Panting, the younger speaks up first when Cregan Stark shoots them a bewildered look whilst hunched over his oak desk.
"Was Lady Stark due for some business today, My Lord?" He asked, catching his breath as Cregan sat up in his seat, attention fully on the guards.
"Not any that I'm aware of. Where is my wife?" He asked, glancing outside of his small window to the blistering storm outside. There was no way she would be anywhere except her chambers—not after he caught her soothing Brandon to sleep. The sight had melted his heart immediately, glad to see his wife finally finding it in her to go see him, to give him a chance.
Though, he could not blame her, of course. He could still remember the day he brought the Stark babe home, and how he dreaded the meet throughout his months of journeying home to Winterfell.
Aelys had been on the forefront of his mind, even through the slimy politicking of King's Landing. The wait was only made ever longer by the fact that the party Cregan traveled North with had to wait until Brandon was old enough to travel, too. Moons went by painstakingly slow, and Cregan moved to load the carriage for the boy as soon as the Maester gave his word that Bran would not be suseptible to the outdoors during long durations on the road.
Cregan dismounted his grey mare, patting her on the neck in thanks before the stable boy guided her back to her designated place. With a tense sigh, he rolled his shoulders and opened the carriage door that held Brandon and his new wet nurse. Sara, his older sister, would join the family in a few short weeks while she continued her stay at the Blackwood's. He wished she was here to console his wife in the coming days. Gods know that he cannot, not when the news of his betrayal had to come from his own mouth. As he promised himself it should be. The sinner should say his own penance, no one else. A Stark is a slave to his oaths.
Thanking Greya kindly, Cregan picked up Bran in his arms. His onyx black curls shifted against the crook of his arm as he shifted the babe to be held better. The four moon-old babe fussed as he was removed from the woman's comforting hold. As if was, Cregan was more of a stranger to the young babe than his wet nurse was. Unfortunately, the Lord had not spent the amount of time with him as he knew he should have. The thoughts and guilt racked up in his mind and burned at the back of his throat every day, leaving Cregan to promise himself that in Winterfell he would spend more time with him.
Another promise for the list.
Cregan stepped through the courtyard's archway, holding his breath as he watched his beautiful wife standing by the Keep's doors, shivering but still insisting that she come out to meet her husband. Her smile was as lovely and bright as he remembered, a much more contented and relieved smile than she had sent him off to battle with. That day, she could hardly stifle her tears back as she hugged him 'goodbye'. He felt quite the same. Cregan would never leave for Southern business again, not in his lifetime. Once had been enough to last generations, though he was sure the Stark family would not go too long before being summoned again.
Her face shifted from joy to confusion in a matter of seconds. As Cregan continued straight towards her, Bran bundled up in so many wools and pelts that it entirely engulfed the babe. She lifted her skirts to step down to meet him. Originally, Cregan had wished to scoop her up in his arms and place a sweet kiss on her cold lips, but the bundle between them prevented such things. He could not greet her so sweetly and then present the bastard to her. Ripping the bandage off a fresh wound, Cregan would not be deceitful for longer than he had been during his moons of silence in the South.
"Husband," She smiled, reaching out to touch his chilled face, pink in the cheeks and ears from exposure. "You should come inside. A feast has been prepared for you—and your men, of course." She was antsy on her feet, eager to get inside to proper reunite with her husband, no bystanders gawking.
Speaking of bystanders—Cregan's entire party had separated and dispersed around the courtyard. They met their own wives, parents, or children as they laughed and conversed. Though, the loud and joyous clamor soon died down when whispers had been spread around by those who already knew of Cregan's boy. Wives that knew Aelys well stared in pity, clutching their shawls to their chests and shaking their heads quietly at their Lord.
He fought the urge to hang his head.
She had not yet seen the babe, only the cloth surrounding him.
"Cregan?" She whispered, tilting her head with concerned eyes. "What is wrong?" His sweet, sweet wife. Her first priority had been him over anything since the days of their honeymoon—the days she had confessed to be extremely anxious about during their courtship. She was a Northern woman herself, hardened and shaped like an ice sculpture but retaining her warm heart and spirit. Cregan had intimidated her greatly, according to her giggling confession, and she had feared he may be a cruel and selfish man since he could easily do as he wished to his Lady wife. He proved her wrong, apparently, getting to know his wife throughout their private honeymoon. They had a bond like no other, always at each other's side and filling in for the weaknesses of the other during their duties as leaders.
Cregan's brow furrowed deep, blinking away as he felt his nose start to sting.
Only then, when his glossy eyes met hers silently, did she glance down to the cloths. Slowly reaching up a shaky, gloved hand adjusted the pelts so she could peer past them. Gasping at the pale babe, Aelys' eyes sharply met his. A million thoughts raced through her head, clearly showing in her facial expressions. Not assuming the worst, as she probably should have done, Aelys asked, "has one of your men died? Is this babe an orphan?" Always so trusting of her Lord husband, something Cregan had admired and was eternally grateful for throughout their marriage.
"Aelys..." He cleared his throat when his voice came out much too quiet and hoarse. "This is my son." He declared to her, and to the onlooking crowd who did not bother hiding scandalized gasps.
Her eyes blinked in rapid succession, shaking her head lightly and smiling. "Don't jest, Cregan. We have no son."
His silence met her words. When he did not cave and admit to messing with his wife, Aelys shook her head more firmly. "No." She said, whispering. Her eyes clamped shut as she breathed in and out deeply, only opening to glance down at the babe, scrutinizing its appearing and comparing every freckle to Cregan's. "Don't do this to me, please. You would never do this to me." Her words were nearly lost to the air.
"It was one time, I swear it on my honor and Stark name." Cregan told her.
"On your name?" She harshly bit, stepping away from Cregan as if he had burned her. "Your honor? You swore on your honor the day we said our vows under the Weirwood tree. Under OUR Gods. Did that mean nothing to you? Did I—" She gasped out, covering her mouth with the back of her hand and clutching her stomach. A choking sob rippled through her, and Greya stepped forward to gingerly take Brandon from Cregan's grasp. His arms fell to his side, clenching as he stopped himself from holding his wife in comfort. She could find no solace in the man who hurt her so.
"I thought you wished to wait. You told me you wanted it, too. Was it just not me you wanted a family with?" She asked, cranking her neck up to look at her shameful husband.
"Aelys, I did—I do!" He started, stepping forward to wipe a hot tear from her cheek.
Flinching away from his touch, she looked up at him with the same mistrust and solemn acceptance that he found in a dying prey's eyes. Suddenly, Aelys looked to become aware of the crowd. Glancing around self-consciously, she straightened herself upright like the people expected of a Lady Stark. "The feast is growing cold. Enjoy it while it's warm." She loudly adressed the weary party and their families, who awkwardly moved to shuffle inside the dining hall. With a final glance past Cregan's shoulder to the wet nurse, Aelys was gone.
Seeing the shared glances of horror between the two, Cregan cleared his throat. "Where is my wife, boys?"
Ernest swallowed harshly, not daring to look him in the eye. "She—she said that she 'ad business in Winter Town. That you approved of it, I swear!"
Ron nodded so quickly that his head of curls messed about and framed his face further. The snow still on their heads and shoulders had now melted in the warmth of the Great Keep, reminding Cregan of the harsh weather the guards had to bear all day. They were trained and honed for such conditions, Aelys was not.
"Yes, Lord Stark! We couldn't disobey our Lady's words." He insisted.
"You think I'd make my wife go settle business in Winter Town during a blizzard?" He growled out, standing from his seat and storming between them to his doorway, where he turned on them and saw them both flinch in shock. "Which way did she go?"
"Uhm..." they shared another glance. "She said Winter Town, Lord Stark. What other way would she have gone?"
Cursing, Cregan grabbed Ice and lifted the great sword to his shoulder. He left without another word to anybody, knowing every second counted when it came to finding her. "Bloody fools." He scoffed to himself, mind turning and thinking of places she might head to.
Clearly, not Winter Town. She had no business there, not that he knew of, and although they had not been speaking these past moons he still oversaw all of her duties as Lady. Though, her reports of dealings and responsibilities was done through the Maester rather than her own mouth. A middleman, the poor elder had become. Cregan endured the silence without complaint, knowing his own actions brought it upon him.
His actions brought her further away from him than he perhaps estimated. He knew the babe would tear a rift in their relationship, and knew it would take a long time before they could even begin to mend it—but he never wanted it to go this far.
Back to her childhood home, to the Glovers in the Motte? Or, perhaps she found a secret lover that would meet her in the storm like a destined and tragic fairytale. He would not blame her for seeking love in another, though his never faded.
His quickened pace was only interrupted by Sara. "What is the rush for, brother?" The elder woman asked, dark brows furrowed with concern. Other the past four moons she had gained her strength back, looking the picture of health now that she was back home and recovering. Cregan could barely meet her gaze, looking between her and the doors ahead.
"My wife is gone." He told her honestly, shifting impaitiently in place. "I don't know where to, but I'm going to search for her."
Sara's dark eyes saddened, face scrunching up in grief. "This is my fault. I should have—"
Cregan stopped her immediately, taking her firmly by the shoulders and dipping his neck down to level himself. "No. It is mine alone. I made the choice to do this, I shall face the consequences of my actions."
"Cregan..." she sniffed, but did not allow tears to fall so easily.
"I'll be back." He promised. "With my wife."
Was she running away?
Cregan swung open the Great Keep's door, blinking staggardly at the wind gust that slammed into him. Not bothing to close it behind him, Cregan stormed to the stables and tacked his horse up. In a matter of minutes he was off and out of Winterfell's expansive walls.
His only option was to head towards Glover territory. It was a two days ride normally, but the storm would make it double or perhaps longer. She would not be far ahead, not even two hours ahead of Cregan and unknowing of how close he might be on her trail.
There were not even hoofprints left in her wake. The snow immediately covered all tracks and left only pristine fields of white powdery frost.
He would not know where she was until he spotted her amongst the white. Cobalt, her black stallion, was sure to stand out within close enough distance.
Until he did see her, he could only wait.
And it was exactly that; a waiting game. Cregan took only three days to reach the Deepwood Motte, faster than he anticipated. He was weary and exhausted, but still pumping with adrenaline and awake off sheer will. Here, in the safe walls of Harriston Glover's keep, his mare could finally have more than a few measly hours of rest, as well as food and water.
His fingers and toes burned with the edges of frostbite. Even in his thick protective gear, he was not entirely safe. The few, small fires that he built for himself in the cold nights gave him only a semblance of warmth. Each step felt like five as his vision blurred and weaned in and out. He steadied himself on a pole, waiting for his father-in-law to come downstairs to greet him. And, if luck be on his side, his Lady wife.
He owed more than an apology.
Harriston was a stern man, though not unreasonable. He loved his children and ensured they had only the best; education, caretakers, spouses. His eldest two children married long before Aelys was even of age to be wed, both men marrying Northern girls that they'd grown up with. When it came to his youngest and only girl, the man knew Lord Stark would be a most auspicious match. The Houses had long been friends and allies, and keeping the tradition of partnership thriving through marriage was no strange thing. He'd been even happier when Aelys wrote to him weekly, describing how enchanted she had been with her new husband and thanking him profusely for giving her a blessed match.
Now, the greyed man stood in front of Cregan with a deepset frown and a fierce look in his eyes. "Lord Stark. I thought you'd be busy in Winterfell."
Cregan cleared his throat, focusing on him intently. It made sense that the man was cross with him, especially after he assumed that Aelys had sent him a few lengthy letters telling of Cregan's infidelity. "I came to see my wife, and to bring her back home."
Harriston huffed a sarcastic laugh. "You send her back home, only to come yourself first?" He gestured around with his arms up.
Cregan tensed, "first? Is Aelys not already here?"
Lord Glover matched in his seriousness. "Aelys wrote to me three days ago, informing me that you had sent her here to be away from danger."
"I did not send her anywhere."
"You mean you do not know where my daughter is?" He asked, voice low and firm as he stepped closer. Though Harriston was a fine swordsman and a battle-worn fighter, Cregan did not fear the Lord's wrath, for he could easily best him in combat.
He did, however, have the brains to fear a furious father's vengeance.
His heart nearly beat out of his chest. "And she stated that she was on her way here?"
"I think I know what she said, boy." Lord Glover hissed. "Where is Aelys?"
"She must still be out there," Cregan murmured breathlessly, turning on his heel and running out of the fort's doors and back out to the stables. Cobalt was in none of them, confirmed to him that Lord Glover was not simply lying and hiding his wife away from him.
Cregan decided to take another horse—one well rested and ready to travel in the packed snow, unlike his own weary mare. Guiding it to the doors where Lord Glover had exited and looked at Cregan with a fear unlike the learned man usually expressed, he asked: Where are the kennels?"
When Aelys left to brave the storm alone, she had not anticipated the sheer unforgivable nature of it. Living in the North her whole life, she'd long grown used to cold weather and hunting for herself. Hunts often lasted days or weeks, being times of comraderie and companionship when out in the wilderness with your people. She had not been hunting in years, much less alone.
The snow had slowed her travel significantly and clouded her navigational judgment. North became South, and East became West after so long of walking. With the skies so darkened, it was even harder to tell the time of day. With every stop she made and every fire that burnt out too quickly for her to be fully warm, Aelys had grown desperate.
She found shelter in a half-conscious act to preserve her on life. Now, curled up with only her fur-lined dress and the pelt she had brought from Winterfell, she could not help but begin to accept that she would die in this cave.
Aelys thought of her life in a few curt thoughts.
She had only lived twenty and two years. She grew up with loving parents and two elder brothers who doted on her greatly. She married Lord Stark of Winterfell, someone who took her heart quicker than she'd ever thought possible. She would die here, alone and cold because of him.
She thought of all the things she had wanted from life. Not much, for a Lord's daughter. Aelys had always wanted love and gave love in return. Trusted perhaps too much and did not gain from it. She wished for children, eventually, and could never have them now. She wished to see the warm deserts of Dorne and the lush gardens of Old Town in her retirement.
Aelys Bolton would not see anything but the North, nothing but the cold snow and frost-tippes trees around. They had grown familiar and warm.
Warm.
She was so warm, now.
Aelys closed her eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of better days.
"You do not wish to return home to a babe in the nursery?" Aelys asked, voice low and humming as Cregan lay beneath her on their shared bed. Most men did, misliking the process of pregnacy but loving the outcome, for it could only serve to benefit them.
"We will have plenty of time for babes when I come back to you." He replied, brushing his lips over her the crown of her head. "What kind of husband would I be if I left you to deal with the struggles of pregnancy and birth all alone?"
"I won't be alone. Sara is staying, too. I will have a sister to keep me company and complain all my grievances about my missing husband to her." She said amusedly.
Cregan paused in his rhythmic stoking of her spine. "Sara has asked to come, my heart."
She paused, too, lifting her head from his chest and squinting at him. "Sara can come down to King's Landing with you, but I cannot?"
He sighed, shaking his head. "She will be staying at the Blackwood's residence at Raventree Hall, not King's Landing. I would never endanger either of you by bringing you to the capitol. She has been offered guest housing by her friend, Alysanne Blackwood, during my time down there."
She huffed, conceding to his words and dropping her head back down, listening again to his ever-steady heartbeat. "Must be nice to see the Riverlands." She said lightly. "I hear they have fields of flowers growing year-round."
"And the permanent smell of fish and mildew." Cregan added with a snort. "You're not missing anything, I swear it to you. Sara and I will be gone for a short period of time. I intend to leave as soon as things are settled and put to rest."
Aelys hummed her quiet acknowledgment. There was no argument to be had, not when Cregan was set to leave in the morning. "There must always be a Stark in Winterfell." She said cheekily, though there was plenty truth to the statement. Alone, she would serve as political head to Winterfell and the temporary 'Warden' while Cregan was missing in action. She had her advisors, consisting of Cregan's trusted councilmen, but the hole that she knew would sink itself into her heart already wore her into her.
Cregan laughed at her words, nodding. "Aye, my love, you will do perfectly. I'm sorry to leave you alone for so long, but I have no doubt you'll do great." He said proudly, kissing her nose. She scrunched it up at the ticklish feeling, allowing a girlish giggle to leave her throat.
"Don't be gone too long, husband. Your wife needs you here." She said, tilting her head up to meet his lips.
"I would never dream of it."
The moons passed by with no reprieve for Aelys. As Winterfell's sole head, her days were busy from dawn til dusk. Letters were exchanged sporadically with her husband while he helped Aegon iii ascend to his place on the iron throne.
Until, one day, his letters ceased. It had already been a full year without Cregan Stark, and Aelys was beginning to grow used to the lack of her husband and sister by her side. Routine had grown to be instinct for her, breezing through her duties like she'd done them all her life. The only thing missing was her lover.
Concerned, Aelys checked in with the resident Maester to ensure Cregan's wellbeing.
When he paused, lips pursed and hands clutching at his cane with a stress unlike the calm elder, he rasped out his own fears. "I, too, have received no word from Lord Stark. Though, no news has come of us death in the capitol, so he must simply be occupied."
Occupied at the end of the war? When Aegon had already been named King and all the men put to trial were either declared guilty or innocent? The brunt of the work was over and done with—told by Cregan himself.
So why was he silent for an entire moon?
It was another fortnite before the Stark wrote back to her. The letter was curt and brief.
My dearest Aelys,
Forgive my abrupt silence these past weeks. Please know that you have been on my mind throughout this entire time.
Sara has grown sick in Raventree Hall, and has not been able to travel with the host of men I have sent back home to the North. We will stay behind for another few moons while she is in recovery. I will return to you soon.
With love,
Cregan Stark.
It was shorter than his other letters by many paragraphs, pages even. Cregan left out no details when describing his miserable times in the capitol. Aelys found herself much enjoying his theatrical melodramatic retelling and was rendered bemused by this letter. Still, she continued to lead with no pause for breaks.
Three more moons later, and Cregan wrote that he was mere days away from Winterfell. Without Sara Snow, unfortunately, as she was still not entirely recovered, but his party could be postponed no longer.
Aelys rushed around Winterfell's Keep in a flurry of excitement. She ordered every room to be cleaned spotless, for rations to be saved for days until a feast could be made for their arrival, for hearths to be extra tended to, and for the courtyard to be prepared to clear the way for the host.
Finally, the days of busy bodies floating around the Great Keep came to a stop. The feast was warm and ready at all available tables. The hearths were warm and ready for sleepy heads to rest within the rooms. The tubs were filled with scalding hot water that would warm by the time they were used. Lady Stark stood for hours at the Great Keep's entry stairs in the courtyard.
She wanted to be there exactly when he walked through the archway. Despite the cold biting at her nose, the Lady stood resiliant and tall.
It was nearly in the afternoon when Cregan's party arrived. He came through first, leading as head of the host as any Lord should. A wheelhouse followed, surrounded by a small league of soliders all around it. She bounced on her heels slightly, seeing Cregan dismount from his ride. Though she found herself bemused and slightly hurt when he glanced at her and made his way towards the wheelhouse instead. Had Sara recovered enough to join and perhaps wanted to surprise her good sister? She hoped so, for she had missed her greatly. After growing up with only brothers, Aelys found a best friend and sister in Sara Snow. The whispers about Lady Stark befriending the bastard of Winterfell followed her around like a dark shadow, but she never paid them any mind.
Bastardry had never bothered Aelys before. Not even when she was a woman of noble birth and was taught that bastards were born inherently lustful, evil, and made of sin.
She waited patiently at the top of the steps for Cregan to fetch Sara.
To her surprise, he only pulled out of the carriage with a bundle of clothes in his arms. Pelts and blankets, it seemed. A plainly-dressed woman from the South stepped out after him but stayed trailing behind. A maid of some sort, though she had no clue as to why a Southern maid would need to follow Cregan back to Winterfell.
As he strided towards her, a strange and unhappy look on his face, she forced her anxiety back down her throat and raced to meet him. "Husband," she greeted with a smile. "You should come inside. A feast has been prepared for you—and your men, of course." Reaching out to caress his face and simultaneously brush flecks of snow from his loose hair, she couldn't help but stop to admire her husband's handsome features. It had felt like an eternity that they were separated, and she had begun to forget the full details of his frame. Forgot his scent in the room and his side of the bed. Nearly forgot the warmth that he provided simply from standing nearby.
The very warmth he is giving to her now, in the chilly courtyard.
His eyes appeared to gloss, his nose and cheeks pinking even more so than they had already grown in the biting air. Glancing over Cregan, she assessed quickly for signs of fatigue or illness.
"Cregan?" she asked gently. "What is wrong?" She prayed he did not catch whatever Sara had caught, or hid a wound under his mass of leathers and pelts.
When he shiftly lifted the bundle in his arms to gesture for her to look at it, she finally spared a look to the mysterious ball of cloth. She had completely forgotten about it until now, noticing the maid still behind Cregan a few yards back, head tilted down and looking at her slippers. Peeking over a fur pelt, Aelys gasped at the sight. A babe, only a few moons old by the looks of it. Her mind raced with possibilities. Why would Cregan bring a babe back instead of leaving it in more temperate climates like the Riverlands that he stayed in on the way up North?
"Has one of your men died?" She asked in a hushed tone, assuming first that one of his soldiers perhaps fathered a bastard babe before perishing in a battle or falling to sickness. "Is the babe an orphan?" Cregan did always have a soft spot for younglings, showcased clearly by his time spent personally training young squires of Winterfell. He had lost his own younger brother in their youth, and the hole had never filled from that loss of kin.
"Aelys..." he started, meeting her eyes with a soft and sympathetic look. "This is my son." Was said loud and clear for any listeners to hear.
A jest. Cregan had seldom liked to be humorous in front of crowds, or anyone but herself and Sara, but he must have been in good spirits today. Briefly glancing at the surrounding people, she found only pitiful looks from the women and severe looks from the men. Shaking her head, Aelys forced a smile onto her face and a shaky laugh. "Don't jest, Cregan. We have no son." She emphasized.
He only stared at her back. No words of comfort, no sudden burst of laughter among his men to tell her that the biggest prank in the world had been pulled on her. Just shameless silence.
He had declared her second best in front of all of Winterfell. Her people and his.
"No." She said firmly, shaking her head 'no'. She breathed in and out deeply, trying to clear her blurry eyes and woozy head. Glaring down at the false babe in his arms, she found many similarities that she wished she had not. The same straight brows that Cregan had, the same scattered freckles, the same pale skin. The only difference was the hair color—black as a midnight sky or dragonglass. The mother must be beautiful.
Moving her eyes to the maid behind Cregan, she found that the girl had a mousy blonde color to her tresses. She could not have possibly bore a black-haired babe. She felt sick, like she'd throw up and choke at the same time. "Don't do this to me. You'd never do this to me." She pleaded out, voice small and hoarse.
"It was one time. I swear it on my honor and Stark name." Cregan promised. But every word was like poison, filling her heart with a heavy black liquid and drowning her from the inside out.
"On your name?" She hissed out, uncaring of the onlookers for this one moment. She was allowed to be angry, callous, and spiteful, even. Any self-respecting woman would be. And she'd be damned if she wasn't. Any Stark woman ought to be when ruling over the entire North. Any Glover woman is.
"Your honor? You swore on your honor the day we said our vows under the Weirwood tree. Under OUR Gods! Did that mean nothing to you? Did I—?" Words spilled from her mouth before she can think properly. But she did not regret any of them, knowing she was in the right. Bile rose in her throat, pushing itself past the forced down emotions. She swiftly covered her mouth, stilling herself to prevent any more embarrassing. Subconsciously, she clutched at her empty stomach with her free hand, both mourning the fact that she'd have no children and thanking the Gods for not giving her any previously. A cry finally escaped her lips, watching the plain maid take the babe into her arms again as Cregan looked on helplessly to his wife.
Aelys found her voice again, though it was ragged and tired. "I thought you wished to wait. You told me you wanted it, too." He was a liar, the worst kind of man. "Was it just not me you wanted a family with?"
She'd rather be struck with his hand than his deceitful mouth. It would hurt much less.
"I did, Aelys—I do!" He pleaded, stepping forward to console her. His arms looked like steel traps in her louded mind.
She took a lengthy step back. She would not share his warmth, nor his love. Or his bed, his room, his damned dining room. His children. Not when he had shared it with another woman. Given her his love, his attention, his son.
She could not bear to keep herself calm any longer. Adressing the entire courtyard, who had made themselves the Stark's own personal peanut gallery, she spoke firmly. "The feast is growing cold. Enjoy it while it's warm." Without a second glance back at the Stark, Aelys excused herself to her chambers, where she emptied the contents of her stomach into the chamberpot until she could only dry-heave nothingness. These chambers had not been used since she arrived in Winterfell, instead choosing to sleep and stay in their marital ones. She would not step foot into those again unless she was dragged kicking and screaming.
Aelys awoke to strong arms lifting her from the stone floor. Groggily, she was stirred from her deep and preserving sleep. How long had she been traveling? How long had she been buried under those pelts? Time was a blur when she was in a near comatose state, dead to the world. Limbs were numbed and her body felt warm after so long in the cold weather.
"I've got you, sweet girl. We're going home." A familiar voice rung in the back of her head. Even the jolting movements of a horse trotting could not fully move her to consciousness as she fell back asleep.
When she fully gained her sense of mind, she could clearly hear the sound of two men arguing. The warmth of a hearth was next to her as she lifted heavy blankets and furs off of her body. Glancing around, Aelys found herself back right where it all started. In Cregan's room, formerly their marital chambers that she had long since moved out of. A large oil painting sat over the heart, depicting a newlywed image of her and Cregan. They both smiled brightly in the photo, much to Cregan's complaint that the painting did not make him look 'serious enough'. She only laughed and tipped the painter extra gold dragons for the accuracy.
She loved that painting more than any others they kept in the Great Keep. Now, the two faces looking down at her only served to remind her of the falsehood she lived every day while Cregan was absent. Taking care of Winterfell and the North all by herself, just to come back and be thanked by his uncouth mistakes.
Shakily standing up, she winced at the feeling coming back to her limbs. Wriggling all twenty of her toes and fingers, she ensured they still all had feeling. Miraculously, she did. The numbess still felt vaguely there, and her throat was extremely dry and achy. But at least she was alive. Even if it was back in Winterfell, she could attempt her return to the Motte as soon as the storm died down.
It had been a dreadful blizzard. Not a rare sight in the North, but usually none lasted so long. Aelys could not help but feel it was the Gods punish Cregan and Aelys for their marital spat. Something like this must be so futile and useless in their eyes and the eyes of the people of the realm, but to Aelys it was her world and her life. No one could help Aelys but herself. She'd leave these spoiled halls even if the Old Gods and the New wished otherwise. If Cregan didn't have to keep oaths, why should she?
Opening the large wooden door, Aelys found the source of the faint yelling. Her eyes widened at the sight of her father in front of Cregan, in all his gruff charm with his silver hair and beard. She hadn't seen him in nearly two years. She stayed at the archway under the door, simply listening in as the men shouted further down the hall. If either turned their heads, they would spot her eavesdropping.
"—cannot even keep her safe during Winter! Am I to expect her to stay safe during a wildling attack, or worse? Or will you be prioritizing the safety of your mistress?" Harriston shouted, veins nearly popping out from his forehead and neck in his fury. Snow still gathered on his pelt coat, meaning he had just arrived recently.
"It is my mistake that she was endangered out there—but I would never let such a thing happen again under my protection. This is her home, I cannot allow her to go back to the Dreadfort. She is a Stark." Cregan emphasized, though had a defensive raised tone.
"Was she a Stark when you bed a whore in King's Landing?"
"The situation is more complicated than that." He responded, clenching his jaw.
"Nothing could ever be more complicated than losing your wit at a brothel, Stark. There is no argument to be had. She is staying with her family, where she was intending." Harriston growled out, a tone of finality to his tone. As he swung on his feet to head down the hall, face set in a worried and seething anger, he finally spotted his daughter.
"Aelys!" He yelled in relief, rushing toward her and scooping her up into his thick arms. "We're going home immediately. We will wash our hands of the Starks once and for all."
"I will not allow that." Cregan spoke from behind. As Aelys hugged her father back just as tightly, it was a battle to keep her tears from flowing in his safe arms. She missed her father more than she knew.
Before Harristone could speak, Aelys nodded. "We will settle this." She said flatly. Her father hesitantly let her go, nodding once firmly after seeing the resolve in his daughter's eyes.
"Very well. I will wait in the dining hall for you." He sighed, walking away.
Aelys shivered in the loss of warmth again. In her bare feet and night gown, she felt the cold of the cobblestone walls and floors start to seep under her skin again. "Here," Cregan murmured, gently shifting his mass of brown wolf pelt over her shoulders and clicking the direwolf emblem into place.
She allowed it, though she did not thank him with words. She took a deep breath, looking him in the eyes. "I want to separate. Divorce, I mean." She said tiredly.
Cregan flinched, jaw ticking and heavily considering her words. "That is entirely my fault. It is in your right to ask that of me." He said, voice dimmed and not nearly half of his assuredness. "But please, hear me out."
"What could I possibly hear you out with?" She asked, exhaustion clear in her tone. She'd dealt with this situation long enough.
Cregan nudged the door back open, nodding for her to enter. Reluctantly, she led the way in and watched as he gently shut it behind them. "I swore an oath, nearly nine moons ago." Cregan started.
Her brows furrowed, bemused. "To whom?"
Guiltily, he looked down at her, looking much alike to a kicked pup. "My sister."
"To Sara? What ever for?" She grew frustrated, knowing he was beating around the bush.
Taking a deep breath, he told her everything. "Sara stayed with her friend Alysanne Blackwood in Raventree hall for the entire time I was aiding King Aegon. In that time—she fell pregnant."
Aelys' heart dropped to her stomach. The same sick feeling overtaking her. She did not say a word.
"Davos Blackwood and Sara had built a bond, much like we did." He said. "When she told Davos of the news, they both went to Lord Blackwood to plea to marry each other. He refused, not allowing his heir to marry a bastard."
"And you legitimized Brandon as your own in turn?" She hissed.
"Sara begged me to. She lived her life as a bastard—she did not wish the same for her own son. I swore to her that my nephew would never be allowed the same treatment. I knew Aegon would do it." He trailed.
"So you bring him home, and humiliate me instead? You didn't even tell me, your own wife! You chose Sara over me. She is your sister, I know, but she chose to be with Davos Blackwood." She could have taken a tea, or moved to Essos or Dorne where bastards were more accepted. There were other options, but neither Sara nor Cregan used them. "That is cruel, Cregan. It is heartless." She cried.
"I never wished to hurt you, I only wanted to protect her. It was my oath." Cregan pleaded, grabbing her hands in his.
She shivered again, though unknowing if it was in chill or her own anger. Part of her was happy that he never truly took another woman to bed—never picked another other her. Though he still hid the biggest secret in the world from her for moons. Allowed her to suffer in their shared home and withstand the pitious looks of the people and court.
"I can't trust you. Not ever again. You could not trust me with your own kin's truth, and punished me for it." She stated. She could not allow herself to cave in so easily, to fall back into his arms.
"I understand, sweet girl." He muttered, softly stroking the apple of her cheek almost mindlessly. "I will sign whatever the Maester's conjure up. You will be free to marry whoever you wish—someone who will not lie to you."
The Starks were known for their loyalty and devotedness to their oaths. If Cregan Stark had lied to his wife so easily, no lesser man could ever make her happy with faithfulness and loyalty. Aelys had accepted her life to be one of loneliness from the day Brandon was allowed into the home.
"I will stay in Deepwood Motte for the time being. From there, I will see where my path leads." She said vaguely, unknowing now of what her heart desired. "Wish Sara well for me." Aelys asked of him, leaving him behind as she wiped any straying tears from her face.
"I love you, Aelys." He said, calling softly after her.
"I know." She whispered to herself.
In the dining hall, Harriston awaited her arrival. Perking up when she entered, he knowingly took her into his arms. "I'm tired, father."
"Let's go home. Your mother has missed you dearly." He said, planting a fatherly kiss to her temple.
Aelys would not yet send word for a formal separation to the Citadel or to the King. For now, time apart was what she declared best for herself.
divider by - @issysh3ll
tags - @palomavz @emithefrog @karinalight @johnshelbywife @tojisrealwifey @baddielizzy @pearldaisy @brookiecookie @jessicar401 @hardkiddonut @littlelilly27-blog @nayaniasworld @just-mj-or-not @flaneurpastel @unsweetenedpeatea @blucesita09 @maxmegara @deeeeexx @masschotch @janniepark1997 @spongelistener @margaaaa30 @paracii @lovebabe18 @rey26 @damneddamsy @yunnifer @kenzcarson @glqmmywhqmmy @arizonadesert @blumin8 @its-your-girl-savy @dreamygirli3 @aemondloverr @zaranobiyuyu @nsr-15 @oxymakestheworldgoround @isansstuff @high-speed-r
so many tags dont work 🥲 will try to tell in comment sec
ending is ambiguous. Will she decide to divorce or eventually mend their relationship? Up to you!
might make an alt ending where he really is just a shitty guy but this had been my idea from the start (many guessed it and i could not reply to them because of it lmao)
sorry if those two scenes got repetitive, but I wanted to show the 'cregan bringing brandon home' from both of their more detailed perspectives. Cregan's shame and guilt and her humiliation and heartbreak.
so many people guessed so close (to the sara part at least) only saw Jace thoughts tho, but he's already dead long before Cregan's walk down to the South. Would have been much more dramatic, but I think Jace would never allow a child of his to be apart from him. Many people swayed me to lead them to separate instead of stick together, and it does make more sense to have her leave him in the end. Although he did not cheat he still lied and publicly humiliated her, even unintentionally, but he's a grown man who is smart enough to know consequences.
#cregan stark x reader#cregan x reader#hotd fanfic#cregan stark#cregan stark x oc#hotd#house of the dragon#house of the dragon x reader#hotd x reader#hotd fandom#hotd fanfiction#cregan fanfiction#fancition#writing
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