#i dont think im able to keep anyone happy. im so bad at this stuff. but also its everyone elses fault for suddenly making me a prophet

[cacturne]

cassandra isnt using the cheese wheel anymore. F

[chuulyssa]

🇨​​ 🇴 ​​🇳 ​​🇫​​ 🇪 ​​🇸​​ 🇸 ​​🇮 ​​🇴 ​​🇳​ ！

BSD MEN REACTING TO A CONFESSION.

↷ A/N ─ yes new divider again because im indecisive as heck

★ FT. ─ dazai , chuuya , ranpo , akutagawa , atsushi , fyodor

!! TAGS ─ mentions of suicide, insecurities, overall fluff

"i love you."

ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ.

promptly replies with, "i love you too."

he'll lean into you with an amused smile because he lowkey thinks you're joking

when he realizes you're serious about it he'll immediately stop the stupid grin

and look at you with this sincere look you've never seen on his face before

he'll hold your hand and everything while repeating "i love you too," for a second time, only this time he's serious about it too

definitely asks for double suicide later

"You know it's my motto to unalive myself with a beautiful woman. How lucky of you to have been bestowed upon this honour."

"Mhm."

"I'll say yes if you join me in a double suicide," he asks with puppy eyes.

"Dazai, you already said yes."

"I'll say it again!"

​ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ.

he stops abruptly and half chokes on his expensive ass wine

poor boy is really confused 😭 because "where did that come from??"

he tries to play it cool but he's literally SCREAMING inside

we all know he's been betrayed a lot of times in the past so he feels hesitant about it

will decide to give it a shot tho

100% calls dazai to brag about it

"You may be taller or whatever (as if that matters in the first place) but were you the one able to steal her heart? Eh? I think not!"

You chuckle hearing him update his rival of his new relationship status.

"And anyway," he raises a glass of wine for toast. "I'd like to thank my good looks, good looks and did I mention my good looks (?) for making tonight the happiest night ever."

ʀᴀɴᴘᴏ.

"i know."

he has always observed every single thing about you - how you behave around others vs how you behave around him, the little times you look at him like you want his attention etc etc

he's known about this since like soooo long

he defo also knew when where and how you were gonna confess

went to yosano for tips to react to it and bought you chocolates and stuff. he thinks it'll make you happy :D

eats all of that himself even tho he originally bought it for you but you let it slide because he's a cutie patootie

"You could at least have been a bit subtle about it," he says, munching on his chips. "I mean, anyone who saw you would've been able to guess. I didn't even need my ability for this!"

He lifts his chin up thoughtfully, fingers ripping open another packet of snacks. "You should be grateful I'm not a snitch. Eh, well," he shrugs, "You're now dating the greatest detective in the world! Congratulations!"

ᴀᴋᴜᴛᴀɢᴀᴡᴀ.

"eh???"

like chuuya, he's pretty confused too

"are you sure?"

tries to keep a straight face and hide his fluster

he'll narrow his eyes at you as if he's trying to read your emotions. he doesn't wanna get hurt if he gets too attached to you and you two end up breaking up

also how tf is he supposed to believe that someone like YOU like someone like HIM?

reassure him that he's perfect please :( poor baby deserves the world

"I am a lot of work. I don't think you can keep up with all of that," he says shortly.

"I'll try my best."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to!"

He stares at you for a few moments, looking like he's about to cry.

"Oh, alright then," he waves a hand around. "But don't you ever leave me."

ᴀᴛꜱᴜꜱʜɪ.

screams

"SAY IT AGAIN PLEASE!"

jumps around everywhere in happiness

you dont even get a verbal answer the man's just dancing around

either that or he just faints

he's, like akutagawa, insecure about himself. but he's much more open to showing his emotions to you.

you end up cuddling the whole night or he calls off work to be with you for the rest of the day <3

"I..." he repeats the same word for the fifth time in a row.

"Yes?"

"Don't mind me, I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that I get to date you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, no!" he panics, wringing both hands all over himself hastily. "I love you! Really!"

ꜰʏᴏᴅᴏʀ.

no reaction. im sorry

spares a small glance at you but otherwise doesn't get distracted from his work

you think he's gone deaf from the way he just ignored you cuz what????

will spend like 15 minutes that way before extending an arm to you and you lowkey DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO??? HELP??

he'll stare at you for a few seconds before pulling you onto his lap and continuing with his work

and that's his way of saying yes

He shuts the computers around him down and taps your outer thigh twice. You immediately stand up and help him up. He stares at you for a few seconds, contemplating something.

"You know, I never thought I'd enable others to call me a lovesick fool."

"Does that mean you are a lovesick fool?"

"A little, maybe," he turns around and walks out of the door while you follow him with a soft smile on your face.

© chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.

[irradiatedsnakes]

more reigen is dead and a ghost now sillies ft. mob all grown up. a couple other things under the cut

bonus older (~40s) mob bc im happy w her design. luckily her and reigen's designs just came out of the pen pretty naturally not many iterations necessary. mob's felt like a natural progression from my ~24 y/o design, and i kinda feel like reigen never really changes up his look, he just. ages. he's gonna be wearing a pink tie when he's like 80 (well, i mean not in this au, but, yknow). im kind of dreading designing the others.. i think tome should be pretty easy i have a fairly clear vision of her in my mind but i;m not so sure about serizawa. i know im gonna give him a beard though. others may come into this eventually if i get the ideas for it . i feel like designing older shou would be fun in particular

anyways. this sort of started cus i wanted to make an 'intro' comic to the au besides the post i already have, but i couldnt figure out a good way to get what i had in mind to a comic.. basic 'story so far' is that while off on a job at like.. ive had it as a parking garage in my mind for some reason. anyways, reigen serizawa and tome* out on a job, you know the story from the other post, reigen falls down some concrete stairs REAL badly, bonks his head right on the edge of one, beefs it.

(*tome at this point has her own job stuff going on- Professional Ufologist Babeeey you KNOW she's gotten interviewed for ancient aliens. BUT she still does stuff with s&s when she can.)

he comes to kind of gradually, like, feels like he's been walking for half an hour but onl having just become aware of it. he doesn't realize he's dead for a bit, just kind of feels 'floaty' and not-quite-there, with a vague awareness that Something Has Gone Wrong. he keeps walking, unable to remember what he was just doing, and finds himself drawn to mob's place, and fully realizes Something Is Super Wrong when he tries to knock on the door and his hand goes right through. meanwhile on the other side of town serizawa and tome are having a supremely bad time. things'll settle down when everyone learns reigen's not Entirely Gone but it's Not good at the moment

(also, something im not sure yet how to resolve is that tome wouldnt be able to see reigen?? hes a very weak spirit so hes not visible to your average non-esper and i dont know if he'd even be able to possess anyone either (in the sense that tome could see dimple after being possessed by him).)

also so imprtant to me that mob has a cat that's very important

[nowoyas]

koi no yokan 32: damage control (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list 1-30 - M.list 30-60 - Ao3

A/N: yeah if you saw me write "coming next year" and didn't expect me to pull this idk what you were thinking lmao. happy new year here's some koiny to go with your vespertine update!

Summary: News travels fast.

Warnings and tags: Blink-and-you'll-miss-it suicide ideation

Words: 2600

[name] to Fukurodani Group Managers!!! at 16:16

[name]: hi

[name]: I need a council

~

Kiyoko to Fukurodani Group Managers!!! at 18:05

Kiyoko: does this have anything to do with the fact that you and nishinoya haven't been talking for the past week?

Yukie: WHAT

Yukie: WHAT HAPPENED WITH CUTE LIBERO BF

[name]: I cannot beg you more emphatically to not call him my boyfriend right now

Mako: what happened???

Yachi: something's been going on with them recently, but [surname]-chan hasn't really wanted to talk about it

[name]: please

[name]: focus

[name]: I maybe got an actual boyfriend

Eri: you WHAT

Eri: clarification. NOT the libero???

Kiyoko: omfg

Kiyoko: is this why you haven't been talking?

[name]: no

[name]: not like. directly anyway.

[name]: the boyfriend was today after I left practice

Yukie: is he cute

[name]: he's ok i guess

[name]: I dont. know. how i got here

Eri: wait so if you're this like. lukewarm about actual bf. why are you dating him??

[name]: I dont KNOW!

[name]: he asked and I panicked and I'm trying to figure out how tf i got here and im spiraling

[name]: noya doesnt need this right now

[name]: i keep trying to get myself to text asuka-san and tell him im soryy i dont know why i said yes and i cant do it but every time i try i just fully blank

[name]: he was like. an acquaintance maybe a friend

[name]: hes kinda the only person ive been able to talk to since stuff started happening with noya

[name]: uh no offense yacchan + shimizu-senpai

[name]: just like. the only one not somehow involved with the club and who didn't know noya and who could just like. listen from outside.

[name]: i guess he's nice???

[name]: he plays baseball

Mako: the fact that you're not excited about the new boyfriend and the only thing you're worried about is libero boy is a really good sign that you are not in the right relationship

[name]: ive had like three panic attacks since i texted earlier and i think i might have another here in a second

[name]: you know what's funny?

[name]: hes a catcher. he's basically just a fucking. baseball libero bc my life is a joke

Kaori: ok i'm here now. what the fuck

Kaori: break up with baseball boy

Kaori: but also we're missing key context here. why were you not talking to libero?

[name]: its so stupid

[name]: he's been going through some stuff recently

[name]: so we were like. eating lunch together. bc I figured the other guys wouldn't question it if he dipped on them to eat with me and he really needed to like. stop pretending to be okay for five minutes and just breathe

[name]: it actually concerns me how good he is at making people think nothing is wrong. i don't think i would have noticed if i didn't know already

Yachi: wait soimething happened???

Yachi: *something

[name]: the story's not really my place to talk about. also i only know like half of it. please also do not mention this part to anyone else for obvious reasons.

[name]: and like. we were having fun and things were good. he was flirting which he does and almost kinda seeming like things WEREN'T blowing up and it was FUN

[name]: and then asuka-san (baseball) shows up looking for me. something about fucking… idk notes or something. we'd been sharing notes from time to time because i felt bad bothering everyone else for notes and i'm only just finally getting my brain completely back from the concussion so I'm basically useless for morning classes

[name]: noya flips out. does that whole protective glaring and growling thing. but it's sorta different when it's someone I know who's literally just trying to keep his science grade up.

[name]: i guess I probably missed some context bc he tried to just like. sit with us after I told him it wasn't a good time and ofc noya's like. hell no.

[name]: asuka-san leaves and he's obviously annoyed and now noya's telling me about how he apparently already KNOWS about him bc his SISTER checked up on him and I shouldn't hang out with him and like

[name]: in hindsight asuka-san was definitely only talking to me because he wanted to go out with me. but??? don't tell me who I can be friends with??? so I told noya he was overstepping and not to do that shit and then we just. stopped talking.

[name]: next thing I know he's canceling on hangouts we already had scheduled and shit starts going bad totally separately and now THIS and

[name]: i dont know what to do

Kiyoko: I think you kinda do?

Yachi: ^

[name]: no but like

[name]: Ive never felt uncomfy with silence with noya before

Kiyoko: no offense I swear but has he EVER been silent off the court???

[name]: he's different when it's just us.

[name]: like… deeply different

[name]: i think maybe if he acted around other people the way he is when it's just us other people would see the appeal immediately and I wouldn't have to worry about this bc he'd have a prettier partner who absolutely adores him

[name]: that aside i don't think i should have to apologize for telling him not to tell me who i can be friends with or talk to

[name]: but this is ripping me the fuck apart

Yachi: yeah, you've been… really obviously not okay this past week

Yachi: sorry

Kiyoko: you should tell him that and tell this asuka guy that you made a mistake

Kiyoko: I keep telling you that nishinoya's different around you and you clearly already know that? he's in love with you and the way you are around him is really telling of the fact that you've got SOME kind of feelings for him

Eri: the guy I saw with you was like. insanely sweet and caring yknow?

Eri: I don't know many guys who'd be that gentle. Our guys are nice but there's nice and then there's… that

Yukie: I have spent my entire life searching for a guy who will hand feed me when I'm not feeling well and that one just did it unprompted

Kaori: I can confirm that that's Yuki-chan's dream

Mako: break up with baseball boy it's not too late

[name]: see but all that's just it!

[name]: this stupid fight aside senpai's basically like. perfect

[name]: he's too perfect for me to ever date him

[name]: someone always has to leave first

[name]: asuka-san's… safe

[name]: whenever that blows up in my face I can survive it

[name]: do you have any idea what it would do to me if I actually got together with senpai and he changed his mind? If he DIED???

[name]: I've watched my dad live in hell for the past two years because the love of his life died

[name]: I'VE lived in hell for the past two years because she died

Yachi: [surname]-chan…

[name]: do you have any idea how close I am to not being able to take it anymore

[name]: if I lost senpai it'd push me over the edge so it's better that I never have him to begin with

[name]: maybe… this is good?

Mako: NO

Kiyoko: first of all I'm sorry about your mom (?) that's horrible

Kiyoko: second of all that is insane logic

Eri: I can't read suddenly

Eri: for a second I thought you just implied that libero is the love of your life and that's why you can't date him

Kaori: addition to insane behavior: "I can't date this guy because I like him too much so instead I'm going to date this guy I don't like that much because I'm planning for all my relationships to fall apart"

[name]: do you know how relationships work

[name]: there's only so many possible endings

[name]: we date and either one of us dies or we break up or we get married and THEN one of us dies or we break up

[name]: no other possible endings. someone always loses someone.

[name]: this is safe and it's good probably

[name]: it'll hurt a lot but it'd hurt more later so

Yachi: why did you ask for a council if you weren't going to listen to what we had to say??

Yachi: omg that came out totaly ewrong I'm sorry

Yachi: *totally **wrong

Yachi: …[surname]-chan?

~

Lunchtime comes and you barely register it. You've spent the day feeling nauseous. Far too nauseous to eat, at any rate. You stare out the window, mentally calculating the distance to the ground. Yachi tried to talk to you once or twice all day, including an apology for something she said in the group chat last night, but you'd shrugged it off. The good news is, you're starting to feel numb.

The bad news comes in the form of a pretty girl's thighs resting on your desk in the corner of your vision.

Satsuki found out fast.

"You wanna tell me why the fuck Hitomi-chan's telling me you got a boyfriend?"

"Genuinely, I do not know who Hitomi-chan is," you reply dully, unable to look at her.

"Asuka's older sister."

"Oh." You shrug. "Probably because I've lost control of my life."

A hand grabs your jaw roughly, jerks you to look into Satsuki's eyes. She softens a little as you stare back at her. "Why are you going out with him?"

"I don't know."

"You realize that Yuu's going to be completely heartbroken?"

You barely manage a nod. "I kept telling him something like this would happen. He refused to listen."

"You could have just told the guy you didn't want to go out with him."

"Sometimes I know something's going to hurt me and everyone I care about and I do it anyway because, quite genuinely, I am not in control."

"Okay, so break up with Asuka."

You shrug. "I think it's safer like this. Noya—Nishinoya would leave me completely destroyed if we ever dated and it didn't work out."

"Oh, don't you start dropping nicknames now, missy."

Another shrug.

"I get you've been through some shit, but—I mean, come on, [name]-chan. Who are you protecting, here? You look like shit."

"I also feel like shit. It gets worse before it gets better."

"So what's the fucking point?"

"You seem really determined to figure out why I'm self-destructing and ruining my life. I think you'd probably need a psych degree to get anywhere productive, though."

Satsuki's eyes narrow. "I'm determined to figure out why you spent a month literally sleeping in my little brother's arms and then started dating some messy baseball player instead."

You could do without the broadcasting. You don't have much energy to try to stop it. "Messy?"

"Three girls last year alone. I tracked them down. Two of them were at the same time, [name]-chan. Even setting aside my obvious bias, he doesn't exactly have a good track record."

…eh. You don't deserve much better.

"…just… look after your brother for me, okay? I know the timing is rough for him, and I'm sorry about that."

"I should fucking hit you for this."

"Do it," you reply with another shrug. "Send me out that window while you're at it."

"[name]-chan."

"Consider all this doing him a favor. I'm fundamentally broken. He deserves someone who can actually be there for him."

"You—augh!" She slams her fist on the desk hard enough to jolt it before hopping off. "I don't know why you're so convinced you're some horrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy, but you need to stop dragging other people into it. Text me when you want to come to your fucking senses."

~

Satsuki to Yuu at 12:52

Satsuki: where are you?

Yuu: why?

Satsuki: where are you

Yuu: 2-4. I'm bothering chikara

Satsuki: stay there. I'm gonna come find you

Yuu: ?

~

"Alright, spill."

Yuu fights the urge to sigh. "Hi, Satsuki. Do I get context now?"

"What happened between the two of you?"

He shrugs. Avoids eye contact. "Can we do this later?"

"No, we can't, and don't shrug at me." Satsuki slams a hand on the desk. "Why is she dating him?"

His blood ices in an instant. Beside him, Ryuu chokes on his lunch. "What?"

"Why. Is she. Dating him."

"Since when? Who said—"

"According to baseball bitch's sister, and as of yesterday."

…shit. He really did fuck this one up.

"What happened between you two? You were fucking glued at the hip before last week, and I know it's not because of the thing."

"I don't wanna talk about it," Yuu mumbles. His voice doesn't really sound like his suddenly.

"Too bad. Talk about it."

"N-Nishinoya-san, maybe you should—"

Satsuki glares harshly at Hisashi. "We're talking. Unless you have insight on the situation, I don't want to hear it."

"We're not talking."

"I talked to her to confirm before I came here, Yuu. She looks fucking miserable. You know what she said when I tried to get answers?"

He's not sure he can handle it. "Don't, Nee-san."

She glares something awful. A lesser man might not have been able to handle it, but Yuu's known Satsuki his whole life and can probably take it if she hits him. He'd probably deserve it, too.

"Fine. But you're coming home tonight, you're not staying at practice obscenely late, and you're talking to us. And if you try to skip out—it's hair night, by the way, so good luck walking around with your hair all fucked up for the next few months if you skip—I'm showing up in that gym and dragging you home. Got it?"

"Sure."

She storms out in a huff. Later, when he's had the time to take it in, he'll probably be angry. Probably break something. Probably snap when Satsuki inevitably drags the story out of him.

For now, Yuu tunes out the world. Ignores the questions from the other second years. Shrugs it off when Tsukishima, of all people, asks him about it before practice. Wades through the day.

~

Noya to [name] at 13:04

Noya: did you seriously start going out with that guy?

Noya: tell me this is one of your tests

[name]: im so sorry [message not sent]

~

The guys know by the end of the day.

Based on the timing of the text you got earlier, you assume Satsuki told Noya and perhaps the other guys, not that you need to know the flow of information. If Satsuki hadn't, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi could have heard from Asuka in class. Yachi or Shimizu could have mentioned it to Noya or to one of the other guys, who would have passed it on. No matter how it happened, the fact is that the guys are looking at you differently now.

You're a heartbreaker, you guess.

There's questions in their eyes. Noya, on the other hand, won't even look at you. You keep your head down and pretend like you're fine. You're not letting relationship drama get in the way of your work as a manager.

You told Noya a thousand times that he'd get hurt chasing you. Maybe now he'll actually believe you.

~

Asuka to [name] at 20:20

Asuka: do you wanna go on a date next weekend? I'd like to take you out if you're down

~

[name] to Asuka at 20:42

[name]: i cant do this [message not sent]

[name]: i'd love to! :) let me know when

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[maddiescinema]

first, your services are very much appreciated and i hope you have a wonderful day

second, here's what i remember about the fic i'm looking for (and if it's not real wow my brain is so good at coming up with stories)

lando norris x reader

pretty sure reader is female

its (freelance?) photographer reader and i think also best friend reader

reader was hired by mclaren to do photography stuff for f1 and of the drivers, thats where lando and reader first met and became friends

im pretty sure its part of a (ongoing?) series

part smau part written

financial issues & mclaren not being able to hire reader all the time or smth like that (maybe) lead reader to accept a contract or whatever its called to photograph a football team

its one of england's/uk's football teams (im not well versed in football so bear with me) i think

i think the team may have been manchester city? and i think i remember a jack grealish or someone like that

anyways

reader goes there and does readers job and becomes accquianted with the team members

there's this one member who has a fuckboy/playboy reputation, and keeps bothering reader to go for dinner and eventually reader says yes bc he promises its just between friends

dinner goes fine until the end where he confides in reader that the team is going to let him go if he doesnt get his act together or so he believes

then he asks reader to pretend to be his girlfriend so that doesnt happen, reader says no, he threatens reader and her career, so she gives in and he says lets kiss in front of the paps so word gets out and they do bc theyre outside having this convo and there are paps around and an article is posted and it goes to social media

anyways that dude is an asshole

reader just ignores him and tries not to be with him and interact with him going back to work, and reader is feeling really alone bc lando isnt answering her calls and she deosnt really have anyone at the moment to vent and talk about this situation to, also the internet gets to her a bit i think

reader is camping out in an empty conference room getting stuff done when she goes to get a snack and maybe the bathroom to cry & try to call lando again?

when she comes back theres someone there and its jack grealish(?) (not the relationship forcing asshole) and shes like oh im sorry i must have forgot our meeting

hes like we had no meeting i just wanted to check up on you, bc ive noticed you been down lately and the whole dating thing

readers opens up and vents about being forced into the relationship

he shares that the team is either waiting or looking for a reason to let the asshole go bc his behaviour is bad and the players dont like him and dont get along with him

and he promises reader that if she ever needs anything that hes there for her and that she can go him

and she feels safe and happy and not alone anymore

and thats all i remember, and since im 94% sure that this is a series or at least part of a series, i might be mixing up parts

if you can find it thank you! if not thanks for trying!

p.s. why is it so hard to find things on tumblr??? ive tried to look for this but im also weak and give up to easily

first of all, thank uu 🫶🏻 i’m happy to help!!

second of all, I SWEAT I’VE READ SOMETHING LIKE THIS BEFORE, like i’m so sure but going back to find it is actually impossible 😭 i’ll try again tomorrow cause i know i’ve read this one BUT if anyone knows where to find it PLEASE let us know in the comments, my inbox or my dms!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

UPDATE:

“A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words” by @f1byjessie

(thank you SO much to the comment and the anons who helped find this fic!! all the love to you guys!!)

[pommunist]

thank you for allowing people to vent their frustrations or discuss whats been happening in your inbox, a lot of qsmpblr from what ive seen wants to ignore anything besides brightest side outlooks and they shove everything else down by labelling things like the spreading of the latest updates as "doomposting".

i personally havent seen any actual doomposting (expecting the worst possible scenario, ex. "the server is over and will never come back") from anywhere besides a small handful of people who hate quackity on twitter, the closest i can find here is sentiments like "yeah i dont know if ill be back to actively watching every day even if everything is fixed" or "im so disillusioned at this point that im not coming back until we get concrete proof things are better" where its people personally deciding to (often temporarily) leave the fandom, not any actual doomposting or discouraging anyone to still follow the server because "theres no chance anything will ever be fixed".

so yeah, thank you for allowing stuff besides the most positive of takes in your askbox <3 im too scared to post stuff on my own because of the toxicly positive mindset on qsmpblr, so being able to vent my frustrations in your askbox really helps!

Tbh I don’t blame people who are complaining about what they see as « doomposting ». When you love something you don’t want to wake up every morning learning about another set of bad news on it, instead you want to believe that everything will be fixed and that you will soon be able to enjoy it like you used to.

However the situation IS bad. People are talking about negative things because they ARE happening. And it isn’t just some random drama like this is a situation that affected negatively on people, could even be considered breaching some laws and, also, be the end of the project. I don’t like saying that, obviously, but it’s the truth.

Saying it’s joever already won’t do any good but so will blindly hoping that things will be better. Tbh I’m happy that I haven’t seen much of both of these takes except from the extreme sides of the fandom (out of all the anons I got since it started very few were extremely negative, no hate to them btw feel free to vent in my askbox i just chose not to post them).

People can stop watching qsmp altogether, or just keeping to their fav ccs streams, some can chose to keep watching like they did before for X reasons, others are straight up leaving the fandom, it’s all fine, we just need to understand everyone’s perspective without jumping to judgement.

Side note : One thing I won’t tolerate here is hate on the admins who spoke up though (this + the usual assholery aka random hating, bigotry etc)

Personally I haven’t watched a qsmp stream since the situation was exposed but thats just because I don’t want to support the project rn and can’t enjoy the content knowing what we now know. That’s just me though !

Anyway rant over kkkk thanks for the nice ask anon ! Weirdly I think keeping track of the situation and answering so many people who had questions/wanted to air out their thoughts is what helped me not dwell on my own sadness regarding what’s happening ahah

[spacesymbol]

heyyyyy. crazy month and a half, am i right? 😅

my sincerest apologies for the truckload of reblogs.... plus even more sincere apologies if i reblogged a very old post of yours that you forgot about 😭

ive had those sitting in my drafts for a WHILE so that they wouldnt get drowned in my likes.... but i have some weird mental hangup about posting here without also posting a Life Update..... but i kept procrastinating actually writing a Life Update..... so here we are!!

anyways. that being said. LIFE UPDATE TIME!!!!! (no cut since theres actually some very important stuff in here)

first and somewhat foremost, i submitted SEVEN college applications exactly a month ago. for context, my entire applying list (as of right now) is only nine schools. and i procrastinated SO HARD on the application materials.... it was soooo bad. basically mid october to early november was the most stressed i have ever felt in recent memory 😁👍 and i coped with it soooo well, as i historically always do (sarcasm)

the fall play(s) also recently came and went!!! the rehearsal process wasnt that bad, it was moreso just anxiety provoking since i was constantly saying "yeah it (the show) will come together eventually" even when opening night was a few days away... but the show(s) did come together!! at least, my two scenes did. i honestly can't speak for anyone else, but my scenes both went fine during all three performances with minor errors, if any

although, the week of performances and the last few days of tech was so very brutal. i had to be in the theater until 8pm or later every single day of that week (november 18th to the 23rd), which meant i was in school for over twelve hours each school day. i had to put a lot of things on the backburner to focus on the show (and not losing my mind) that week, and schoolwork was one of them.... so i am currently once again in overdue assignments hell. my classes have been fine other than that though!!!

my mental, emotional, and physical health also definitely have been on the backburner for a WHILE now.... a wonderful example is how i havent seen my therapist in two months now, and for context, im supposed to see her once a week!!! so im clearly doing fine (sarcasm). its weird though, the play honestly wasnt that distressing for me, since i had already hit mental rock bottom earlier that month because of college applications

my physical health has also Not Been Good at all.... one of my scenes in the play (the gay one) involved a shit ton of stage falls.... and our stage is made of polished wood. we took all the necessary precautions to protect my bad knee (knee pads), but that didnt do much to prevent the ridiculous amount of bruising all over my body that i still have a week after the final show.....

eating has also been Bad. but i wont go into details about that 🫶 ive been able to keep having regular appointments with my dietitian, so genuinely dont worry about that. i will be fine!!

ive also been like. mentally checked out for a while, i guess. like i mentioned, ive been doing some research into dissociative disorders and symptoms to get more clarity on if im a system or not (which i do have an answer on btw), and i think the best term to describe it is depersonalization?

and uh. okay this is actually really important. about the system thing, i came to the conclusion after a LOT of research and self reflection that i do not think i am (or ever was) a plural system. i dont think i should post the entire esaay i wrote on how i came to this conclusion (because i dont think most of you want to read all that). but if any mutuals want, i am MORE than happy to dm the whole explanation, since i know it might raise some eyebrows that i suddenly dont identify that way anymore

however, the tldr is that im pretty sure i have dissociative amnesia instead, because i never once experienced amnesia between the personas that i thought were alters, and these personas were never really that separate from me, moreso extensions of me in terms of personality, if that makes sense. there were also some.... quirks of how my "system" operated that also made me suspicious, like how i was basically always frontstuck, and how my "frequent fronters" ALWAYS aligned with my interests at the time. i honestly think that i only arrived at the conclusion that i was a system in the first place because of the environment i was in at the time (the majority my friends at the time had the system realization and were talking about it), and the fact that no one ever really questioned me being one. which im NOT saying that i wish people had, since thats rightfully a very rude thing to do, but i definitely would have benefited from someone kindly calling all that into question, yknow?

the biggest takeaway though, should be that i didnt know until very recently. there is a world of difference between intentionally lying about being a system, and unknowingly being wrong about being a system. the MOMENT i started to suspect that i was wrong, i made it known here (in the previous Life Update) and on twitter, and i refrained from using any system terminology for myself until i came to a definitive conclusion, which i only did recently. additionally, i recently removed the system section from my pronouns dot cc, and my simplyplural account is still up, but obviously not in use

ummm. other personal updates.... im hopefully going to start legal and medical transition soon?? my stepsister (also trans) has been pushing my mom and stepdad for it as a result of the election, which sparks the conversation for me by extension

as you can probably tell by the majority of the recent reblogs, the release of season 2 reawakened my dormant arcane hyperfixation 😭 it somehow came back even stronger??? if any of you happen to remember my jayvik posting from november 2021, you deserve a spacesymbol elders discount....

what else..... oh um!!!! i had an awesome joe cool (snoopy) costume for halloween this year that i made extremely last minute :)

okay. okay!!!!!!! in terms of the future!!!! im on thanksgiving break right now until this tuesday and the break is Extremely welcome.... the spring musical (aka my final high school theater show) has already been announced, and its curtains, which should be exciting, but i dont have to think about that for a While....

in terms of like Immediately upcoming things, my schools robotics team has our first qualifier coming up so im gonna have to lock in on preparing for that soon.... for college stuff, i should be getting two decisions fairly soon (one from my early decision school and one from a rolling deadlines school), and i have two more applications for early january, but all i really have to do for them is finish writing their supplements..... so HOPEFULLY i should be slightly more active on here??? i feel like every time i say that i end up jinxing myself for inactivity, though. so honestly, who knows!!! but i dont really have as much of a Pressing Reason to not be active here, i guess

thats all.... jesus fuck i wrote a lot. my bad!!! no wonder i procrastinated writing this GODDAMN!!!!

[israaverse]

I'm sorry if someone asked this before, but what sources do you use for your Canaanite myths series? I'd love to read more on the myths, your art is so inspirational. Are they in English, Arabic, or something else entirely? Thank you, don't feel forced to respond 🧡

hey there!! thank you so much!

I have a very short list here of stuff I'm reading or currently reading, all in english. the first one is accessible without an institution login (iirc) but unfortunately the rest are not. i know i have a bit more pulled up on the internet archive but the tragedy of it being down is really felt here :( I'm thinking of finding a way to put together a list of stuff I really like of Canaan myth because i've gotten a lot of these messages lately! maybe a document or something, because i personally have struggled REALLY bad with finding a translation/dissection of the Baal Cycle that isnt 1. stupid old, 2. really biased (biblical lens) or 3. 300 bucks, so if i find smth like that that is open source i will ABSOLUTELY keep you all posted.

your question about language specifically got me thinking, i'm sure that there has to be a lot of hebrew or yiddish (older) stuff out there about this. unfortunately zionism likes to co-opt history but it may be relevant when looking. also unfortunately, my arabic is nowhere near good enough to read any scholarly articles (i'm still relearning, i have to sound things out very slowly and only do well with the harakat, much less know definitions).

that reminds me, i once found on google books a scan of something that linked the root word of Anat's name, 'nt, to 'anwat, meaning forceful/forcing as in violent in arabic. i'll see if i can find that as well. i'll try to keep finding stuff that people can access without uni logins but even then there's a ton of stuff on Brill that even i cant get to and dont know about. that's one of my greatest gripes about the academy, the hiding and clandestinization of knowledge instead of its dissemination. i really think anyone should be able to access scholarly articles, but thats just me lol (/sarcasm, lighthearted)

long story short, i'll try and keep up on it! for now ill try and tag things as #canaan resources, or #history resources. ill worry about the logistics later. thanks agaib for the message, im always so happy to hear other people are interested in this! again i HIGHLY recommend the first article by Lloyd in the linked post, hes really poignant and diligent!

[heavenpierceher]

can u do tailgate 4 that ask game

(ask game here! and sorry this took AGES)

one aspect about them i love: would it be weird to say "that he's a liar"? idk i'm really enamored with like, characterizations that manage to take a pathologized/generally seen as Bad trait eg lying, stealing etc and make them like endearing and quirky. i like a lot that he's essentially a compulsive liar who's not like demonized for it and when the initial lie comes crashing down for him it's because he was extended compassion. idk it's very unique i think. ALSO ALSO i think it's sweet that he likes crafting stuff by hand.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them: god im so bad at fandom i dont really pay a lot of attention to like fandom Trends at large. idk it bothers me when people take his punchier more vengeful trauma-response characterization in early lost light as like, Just The Way He Is By Default rather than a temporary defense mechanism? does that make sense

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character: ive said before i think that since cybercrosis weakened his legs he prefers to use his alt mode to travel short distances (in crowd shots where everyone's fuckin Schmoovin he's usually in alt mode) since in alt mode his shoulders (front wheels) can pick up some of the slack... he was probably really happy about being able to transform again post-cybercrosis ;w; i think he probably has a lot of Weird medical stuff he kind of just has to Deal With, first as a consequence of just being old as shit and Built Different, then later because of the cybercrosis and recovery. in general i really like the idea of him being some equivalent of chronically ill/disabled because imo his arc has a lot to do with like coming to terms with how he doesn’t have to be "useful" or "strong" or serve some function in order to deserve support and love

one character i love seeing them interact with: is saying "literally anyone" cheating. i love the recurring bit with people giving him piggyback rides. Eveybody so sooooo nicey to him forever OK?

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more: odd as it sounds, getaway? i understand why the pacing etc wouldn't have allowed for it but i'd have killed for a single conversation between the two post-47. just to figure out what is going ON in there (there being their heads). mainly because i want to know if getaway would just cut to the chase and be like lmao wakeup call i never gave a shit or if he'd like try to keep up the manipulation. get a job stay away from her etc etc

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character: now i feel like you guys know by now about my rodimus+tailgate besties agenda. i think they get along especially well because they both have a weird little thing about being treated more like a set of ideals or a symbol than a person with emotions, rodimus with [gestures] His Whole Fucking Deal and tailgate with being like the Ship's Mascot Sweet Itty Minibot Who Missed The War What A Heroic Little Slugger. their relationship is symbiotic because tailgate loves being used as a projectile weapon they promise magnus they swear see look he's literally fine he's having fun see him thumps up 👍

[merlions]

Ok so Can I Just Ask rhetorically into the air (unless someone has an answer lol I would not say no if anyone offers insight here, im just not specifically asking for it cause i dont know for sure an answer even exists i guess) but when everyone tells u to "feel your feelings" likeee....then what?

Like I keep getting the advice esp in recovery that I gotta "feel my feelings" and "recognize your feelings" but then when I'm like ok. Im doing it. I'm having a panic attack and throwing up from guilt and shame. What do I do about that. And they're like "oh no just feel them!!!"

(Also "shame is bad but guilt is constructive" OKAY. SO JUST feel DIFFERENT feelings? Than the ones I have. Hrrrghhh)

Like I feel like I missed some regular human memo here like there's supposed to be something I Know what to do but I don't know what it is.

Tbh it's the same feeling I get when people keep telling me to like believe in spirituality things or else I won't be able to stay sober. I keep being like so...how do I do that? Like how does it matter to me if there's a god, if also there's literally no guarantee that god won't do something terrible for some "greater purpose" and i cant change that? Like you want me to feel safety from that? All this bad stuff was planned by someone? How does that make it feel less bad? (What sort of sicko- )(sorry lmao I didn't realize I had anger issues w god til I was told I have to actually believe in one)

I keep asking people to describe to me what exactly it means to believe in something spiritual, to them, as if I am a human being who was born blind and never seen color, and they need to describe why some colors are "happy". Or like i'm an alien who has never eaten food and you gotta explain how something can taste "salty". I know that's not the best metaphor and is kinda appropriative of other disabilities that I don't have, but I just mean like can someone try to get SORT OF creative with trying to put this in context for me??? Cause just saying "just do it!!" absolutely does nothing for me! It doesn't make sense. Teaching a human being how to fly by saying "just move your body through the air to where you want to go". Honey. I do not know how. And I cannot learn how via this method. It is not going to work no matter how many times you say it. You are going to have to try something else.

Anyways some shit happened that's ultimately fine and I know WHY I'm having bad feelings and it's not a resolvable situation really, the thing has happened and it can't un-happen, and like I know I'm getting angry cause I'm embarrassed and upset w myself, and that they're not at fault and ultimately it is really truly for the best and actually makes my life better in the long run and I was nice about it and so were they. But like...I'm still angry and sad and embarrassed. Knowing why I feel bad doesn't make me not feel bad, it just makes me angrier with myself for not being able to control it.

And I don't want to feel it cause it hurts and there's nothing I know how to do about that besides drink. Which I am not gonna do, to be clear, but I think is understandable in a recovery space, that we are all alcoholics cause we never learned to deal w feelings any other way. All the advice from my counselor and sponsor and everyone these past 9 months of recovery has mostly just been "try to identify your feelings and feel them". Like I do literally nothing but hyperfixate and ruminate on feelings if im not numbing them and trauma splitting...if I'm not supposed to numb them out I'm Just Going To Need A Bit More Information. Yknow?

[madelynpryor]

tim drake for the ask game!

ooohhh this is gonna be a mess because i love him so much i have an inability to verbalize my thoughts on him but lets go

first impression: it wasnt...great? i havent been seriously into comics for as long as you might think so regrettably my first introduction to him was that robins mini-series that came out a couple years ago. i liked him a very surface level amount but that comic really doesnt do anyone justice so lmao

impression now: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH /pos. he has his issues. im aware he has his issues. hes the object of many peoples hate and fair enough. but i feel like what a lot of people do is go "oh he has some pretty sexist plotlines actually" and dont read deeper into him (which. i totally get that) but he has some really good content outside of...well. dixon. (not to say dixons tim stuff is all bad. theres some real gems! and he was pretty influential to tims character! but hes also...dixon)

favorite moment: ohhh thats hard. im a big fan of his red robin depression spiral because i can...regrettably see myself in a lot of those kinds of actions. a more lighthearted answer would be the scene where he finds out steph is pregnant and thinks its his despite having not slept together because...he doesnt know how pregnancy works idk. it was funny

idea for a story: his relationship with death should be explored more i think. there were a couple really good stories about this pre-flashpoint but since then i havent seen any that explore it up to my (admittedly high) standards. tim exists because of death. on the brighter side holy shit let him explore his queerness in more depth. his coming out was underwhelming but cute. i enjoyed it. i love bernard. but what i think is going to happen is that theyre going to keep tim and bernard together for much longer than they should. timber is adorable and ill definitely be sad when they break up but i want tim to be able to explore his queerness much deeper than...ill call it the heartstopper treatment (NOT HATING ON HEARTSTOPPER BTW. i love heartstoppers...happiness. its just not something i want to see from tim, famed haver of messy romances)

unpopular opinion: oh boy. uh. the tim fandom in general pisses me off. i think he would shotgun a bang not coffee. also hes a lot less tech savvy than everyone thinks he is. yeah hes good with tech but a lot of the time fandom likes to portray him as on par with babs which is just not true

favorite relationship: romantically? timsteph! theyre super interesting to me. im also a fan of timkon but not as fiercely as a lot of other tim fans lmao. i also think his relationship with his dad vs bruce is very interesting but the fandom overexagerates it a lot. oh and also him force inserting himself as helenas weird little brother during cry of huntress

favorite headcanon: i think he listens to shitty white boy youtuber rap and thinks hes sooooo cool for it. he loves the fall of jake paul or some shit

[br1ghtestlight]

I am a teenager who is scared of adulthood, do you have any advice on what I can do to live a happy life when I become an adult?

I don't think adulthood is all that bad tbh!!! take this with a slight grain of salt bcuz I don't remember most of my life especially before i was like nineteen or twenty but I think the level of independance and freedom makes up for the new responsibilites, and they don't all hit you at once

general advice I guess??

taxes honestly aren't that difficult outside of like specific situations like if you got a large sum of money from somewhere outside your work or if you switched jobs multiple times in the same year. it's all automated now and you probably wouldn't even have taxable income so the government would be giving YOU money for doing your taxes (that's what tax returns are I think) mostly jobs take taxes out of your paycheck so you dont have to worry about it that much. people are overdramatic about them imo (and I don't think you have to start doing your taxes the minute you turn eighteen it's like. whatever)

if you have a job or source of income (and it's okay if you dont) and you aren't doing a lot of things that require money its good to put MOST of your money away until you're an adult bcuz it will be useful then when you have more exenses. I think my sister got like 10k when she turned eighteen just from her own jobs/savings

opening a bank account is a good idea. maybe a credit union. also saving any documentation like your medical services card, birth certificate etc will make everything way easier in the long run bcuz replacing those is a Long process

most people really do just want to help you and support you tbh!!! don't be afraid to just show up somewhere (like a bank, new job etc) and ask questions especially if you're in your late teens or 20s bcuz you're still pretty young. nobody figures everything out on their own and you aren't going to have government agents outside your door if you dont have everything figured out the Second you turn eighteen

until you get yout own apartment or job probably most of this won't apply to you. legally you're still Kind of a dependant as long as you're living w/ your family and even if you go to college I think??? and then when you do that stuff there are resources out there to help you with everything

JOIN A CLUB like at your local library they have programs etc or a book club. like 80% of adult life is just social connections getting you a house or a job or being a reference and I learned that the hard way bcuz now I have literally zero social connections. maybe keep in contact with anyone from high school that you can still tolerate (or college if you decide to do that) or coworkers from your job. just try to know lots of people its good for your mental health and life. in general. humans are social and they help each other

don't take out financial loans (like those "$200 for $20" places). very bad idea. also in general don't ask people for money unless you really need it and are 100% sure you'll be able to pay them back. taking money from your own savings is okay

go to food banks if u need.... food. its expensive nowadays and food banks have food that's mostly okay. I think signing up is pretty easy (I haven't used one as an adult) probably less relevant until you move out unless u have food problems in your family but yknow. its fine. they literally don't care

keep receipts from any large donations to charity or perscription medication and you can use them for your tax returns to get your money back (at least in canada. fair warning im Not american) also business expenses if you're doing that for some reason

eat your fruits and veggies :)

[confessions-official]

joined a new friend group around a year ago after getting out of a reeeeally bad toxic friendship, and there's a girl in this group who i have the biggest crush on. like, I've always thought she was really cool, ever since elementary school (in senior year of hs rn), but ever since joining this group and getting to know her more, I've just kept on finding more things to love abt her.

like she's so fun to talk to (esp when she smiles or laughs, it's so cute!!) and she's always been so sweet to me, and she's also really blunt, which is such a breath of fresh air after that toxic friendship (which suffered from nooooo communication, on both our ends).

it just kinda sucks that i can't like... talk to anyone abt this crush, since the only friends I'd feel somewhat comfortable speaking of it with are in the friend group, and i really wouldn't be able to handle it if she found out (my mental health's been on the rocks for years, and the anxiety i'd feel if she found out from someone else, and then talked to me abt it would prolly cause a bit of a breakdown 😭).

and sometimes i feel bad abt liking her romantically, bc even though she's gay and does like being my friend (so i know she wouldn't have a problem w me crushing on her), i still have some internalized homophobia from when i was young to work thru. plus im just not as close to her as the rest of the group, so sometimes i feel like i just dont have the "right" to wanna date her; like i dont know her as well as they do so i shouldnt think there's even a chance that she'd like me back. i know rationally that that is an ABSURD thought, and that it's perfectly fine to crush on her, but sometimes it's hard to convince myself of that. i wish i could just talk my feelings out w someone so i could be reassured that this is like... alright. that im not in the wrong for liking her. i keep trying to give myself that reassurance but it's not quite the same as it would be if it came from someone else lol.

i usually talk to my mom about this kind of stuff, bc she's been really kind and helpful w my recent mental health issues + general social problems i have at school. but i happen to be a girl crushing on another girl, and my whole family happens to range from vaguely homophobic but would prolly accept me (my mom) to violently homophobic and would kick me out of the house (my dad), so it's not exactly the safest environment to talk abt it in.

i really just wanted to get this off my chest bc it's been almost a year since i first started crushing on her and the feelings are just getting stronger as time goes on. i really am happy to have these feelings, but it does feel really lonely to have to keep them to myself sometimes. (esp after our homecoming dance yesterday... i had a blast, but i just couldn't stop thinking abt how pretty she looked in her dress, and how much i wanted to just tell her how i felt. so i kinda felt like shit when i got home but it was still so much fun to be w that group lol). if i still feel this way by the time we graduate, I'll definitely tell her then, bc i dont wanna regret staying silent; and maybe if i feel safe enough, I'll come out to my mom at some point before graduation too. i really do like this girl a lot. she's wonderful :)

(also i hope anyone who's reading this has a lovely day! <3)

.

[honeybeewhereartthee]

PINK KKOMAS KOHAKU OUKAWA 74

Spoiler for my stories

Bee stared at Blood who seems playing with his sleeping cat, he takes a bite of his candy and seat beside blood.

Bee: (◕દ◕) can I pet your cat?

Blood: hmm? I don't know. Others said I can't let you do that... Well more like others, that isn't wearing similar outfit as I.

Bee: ehhh. Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

Blood: I don't think it's good idea to test out what they don't allow.

Bee: aww. I thought i can finally pet the kitty omae made. (●´⌓`●)

Blood: ...?

Blood stared at him confuse by what he meant.

Bee: my spouse can do some cool stuff. (^˵◕ω◕˵^)

Blood: that's nice. I'm glad you seems happy with that spouse of yours.

Bee:

Bee: (ㆀ˘･з･˘) are you ok...? You really seems weird those days.

The other look at the fae with a soft smile as he cherish his cat

Blood: was I not the same as before? Through I'm still having hazy recollection about the before.

Bee:... (˘･_･˘)

Bee: without blood help, I won't be conscious on my own. So blood is an important friend.

Blood: oh...? Did something bad happened to you? I would help you if you need it. Tell your big brother blood and I'll assist you without bribe or payment.

Blood pat Bee head as the fae stared at him in sadden eyes.

Bee: you helped me bunch of time already... (ㆀ˘･з･˘) you stick with me even through you and I will feel the same pain from the soul Link...

Each turn, I meet a dare fate that I will never change even the choice appear in front of me for hundred of tries.(´･ᴗ･ ` ) because those choices would lead to having my special person not disappear.

I was made to keep them stable and to make sure they won't continue on in their so called fate. I don't have conscious like I did right now, I'm just a vessel that other me commanded to do stuff. (＃＞＜)

My spouse once have a theory before. I think it's in the memories of when I'm still a part of a whole. They said if we can copy someone voice and able us to copy their magic and abilities.٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶

Won't it be easy for me to copy those who are my alternative self to gain their ability? I only learn about it when I travel back in time... Well, Ai also learn it faster than me. Since he can travel across worlds and know how other him works...(*°▽°*)

Bee pause as he look at the candies that you made. Blood look at him in wonder.

Blood: what's wrong?

Bee: o-oh.. I remember something. (｡・//ε//・｡) It's nothing... I don't want to share... 👉👈c-cause...

Blood: that's alright. Some people have their own secret.

Blood chuckle, not once bothered by Bee's secret.

Bee: i-i just won't say since y-you would judge me, like you tease me in the back of my mind when it happened... (*μ_μ)

Blood: oh? It seems it's one of a secret one want to take to the grave then...

Bee: well I will never tell anyone how cute they were---

Blood, who just played mind games with bee chuckle as bee said his secret on his own.

Bee: ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ w-wha...!!! B-blood!! D-dont s-stare at me like that!!! Y-your giving me the same gaze I felt before!!! ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Blood:hmm? I don't think I can judge you as you expected me too. It's just fun to tease you. What a cute little brother I have. Through I should call police on you--

Bee: ... (>0<；) n-no!!! S-STOP it....!!!₍ᐡඉ ̫ඉᐡ₎

Blood: hmm. It's not like I know the police station go your world to arrest a suspicious fae around--

Bee quickly shut him up: NOOO THEY'LL HEAR YOU!!! !₍ᐡඉ ̫ඉᐡ₎

Blood laugh as he move away from bee holding his cat, he start to mouth the haunting truth about bee little secret

Bee: DOONNNTTTT!! W'WAHHH IM BEING BOOLIED!! (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

Blood move away from bee before bee can catch up to him, his laughter's can be heard from afar.

Blood: call me oniichan then

Bee: ...

Bee: blood did you get rei sakuma brocon syndrome... Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

Blood: hmm? Who's that? Sound familiar. Anyway since little bee won't call me oniichan I'm going to tell you off to your spouse.

Bee: Σ(°ロ°)

Bee quickly chase him: BLOOD O-ONIICHAN DONT TELL!! DONT TELL PLS!

The other chuckle before he takes out a recording pen and the sound of Bed calling him Blood oniisan can be heard in a repeat.

Bee:... •́ ‿ ,•̀ Why most you do this to me

Blood: well I never have siblings like you guys.

Bee: what... Don't we canonly --

Blood: so I'll enjoy it each moment before it happened!

Bee: (·•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ )

Bee: blood what did you mean by that?

The other just smile don't say anything, he turn around and start to hummed while playing with his cat.

Blood: a clock once gotten destroyed, things that get destroyed cannot be put back together like it was before.... Even how much someone tried fixing it, it forever stays broken.

He give a soft smile as he glance back to Bee.

Blood: I think I'm close to you because we're like two broken clocks that's staying in one piece cause if a mighty band. If we stayed far too away from it... We will crumble...

Bee: what... Your speaking riddles again. (ㆀ˘･з･˘)

Blood chuckle and pulled bee in one hand and start to go back to the sea side house where others are in

Blood: don't worry too much, just live as you are. Ok?

.

[arsen1cs4ng0]

ughhhhhhhhhh a lot has been on my mind recently, im sorry im bringing up chip stuff that people just wanna forget, but. idk. i just need to talk. i really doubt anyone will actually see this but hey, its my blog, i'll ramble on about what i want lol

tw for suicidal thoughts in the "keep reading" bit below

back in february i made a post "calling out" gremlin + her friends as well as a little goodbye note to the fandom. recently ive been thinking about stuff more, wondering if maybe i should make a return and try to get my love for vosim back, but remembered just how much damage the fandom (more specifically, gremlin + her friends) did to me, my friends, yknow. everytime i thought about returning i'd remind myself i'd never go back. you gotta think: for months and months i was out there spending most of my time and energy defending my friends, trying to show people just how bad those people were, and after realising that nobody would ever believe me, i gave up. all of the chip shit i was dealing with really didnt help the fact i was battling depression + suicidal thoughts alongside all of that.

but, i dont know. recently ive just been craving the good times back despite it all, i want to relive the times where i'd stim seeing my friends' posts (especially the vosim art...,,,) and songs (one of the songs that made me stim like mad literally got me into sodikken months later lmao my hyperfixes are weird like that), i want to relive seeing the chip accounts interacting with eachother, in fact i was here wishing i joined the fandom properly a lot earlier because i really didnt want the good times to end.....

the fandom was my safespace for me. as much as certain people think im some "popular highschool bully who never grew up" (yes gremlin, i saw what you said about us, im not fucking dumb), i was being bullied really badly in secondary school, i was dealing with a really nasty breakup, my mental health was spiralling downwards really fast, i was dealing with people who i thought were my friends... you get the picture. with the fandom i was able to escape from all of that. and i'd escape by drawing vosim, usually creepy, pissed off or numb. it was stress relieving, it brought me so much happiness doing that!! then june 2022 came and it all went to shit since then. ha.

it hurts a lot. it really does. ive just been really empty since everything. i really don't know what to do or how i can move on from this once and for all. this was shit i was meant to move on from months ago, but it seems i cant even do that.

to my chip friends whove been here since the start: ive said this a thousand times + i will say it again: thank you. thank you so much for sticking around despite me struggling and moaning about all of this shit for months on end. in fact thank you for everything. words cant describe how grateful i am to have met y'all and i genuinely dont know where i'd be without y'all ;___;

ramble over i think.

[truelove-cafe]

🥖, 🥨, 🧇, 🫓, 🍡, 🎂, 🍫, 🍩, 🍯, 🍵, 🥠, 🧋 for the pastry game (this is .... a lot but i am just so curious abt you LMAO)

HIUII dont be sorry, thats okay!!! its really sweet :D kicks my legs

🥖 - "do you have any fun/favourite memories with your darling?"

yes! usually when theres minecraft involved, or those times ive received a gift (especially when it's unexpected). i love hearing my darlings voice and having fun together!!

🥨 - "how far would you go to express your love?"

this would depend! i wouldnt hurt anybody, but i guess in more extreme cases ive had thoughts of being slightly violent? or wanting to isolate my darling until theres nobody but me in their life. i dont want them to choose anyone else when i can be everything they want

realistically though, im too nervous, with a love too gentle. so, instead i suppose i would mold myself into perfection for my darling. my personality, voice, appearance.. everything

🧇 - "what is your love language? (or top love languages)"

usually quality time and gift giving, if im the one offering to somebody else! i honestly would like and prefer to give all of my love languages to my darling, but those are the ones i lean towards. if its receiving, ill be okay with any! i dont like asking for much, and pretty much everything makes me happy

🫓 - "how do you stalk your darling?"

well, i like to have post notifications on (or else my dash wont let me see the posts fast enough ): which sucks),, i also scroll through the blogs that dont have on notifs, and some blogs of people i know that theyre close with! i look at the notes of their posts pretty often as well. overall honestly i try not to be too privacy invading, as i havent really been given explicit permission

even if i did have permission, though.. there isnt too much to stalk, though i might wanna try finding some stuff. i dunno!!

i also adore collecting, and save a lot of stuff, but i dont know if that counts!

🍡 - "what are some fantasies you have about your darling? dark ones? soft ones? answer both!"

hmmm.. okay so, as i refrain from having fantasies about any specific darling (as of right now, could change), ill just do some in general fantasies for a hypothetical darling

but, honestly i think a lot about domesticity with my darling. like maybe we're baking together, or playing a card game or something. maybe its the holidays, and i can finally display a gift ive worked so hard on,, id watch their face light up and feel complete with my whole existence

as for darker fantasies.. hmm. probably just the typical kidnapping thing. im kind of boring ): i might make it so, despite my darling being kidnapped, id make the house a positive thing to come back to. if its a safe place, and the rest of the world is exhausting and overwhelming — well, my job is practically done. ill consume their entire life, until all they want is to see me

perhaps another fantasy would be being able to keep a shrine. and maybe i would, maybe id try a digital shrine,, and then if ever i got to see my darling, id make a physical shrine as well. something super cute is the fact that you can make shrines in stardew valley, you know!

🎂 - "how do you express your love to your darling, if at all?"

i really need to get better at showing my love, i think, because i can be pretty bad at it. right now i try to show how much i appreciate my darling by simply being there when they need it, and offering my presence. i get nervous sometimes so im never outright like "i love you" unless its said first to me. besides, love can be a tricky thing. even if im sure that i feel love, i think a bad way to show it would be pressuring my darling with it

maybe part of showing my adoration is being so considerate.. hmm i wonder if that counts

🍫 - "how does your obsession show, and does it make you act aggressively/violently/unhinged?"

i say this with a little bit of unhappiness, but yes it can make me act aggressively and unhinged, sometimes even violently

its kind of a hard question to answer, because it depends on what emotion im feeling at the time. usually my obsession flares due to specific reactions — jealousy, possessiveness, & excitement are the ones ive identified as of right now

jealousy and possessiveness often go in hand, and the obsessive traits related to them are very similar / the same even. i get shaky, im angry or sometimes even fearful (if it comes with anxiety over abandonment). i can be as endlessly sweet and devoted to my darling, where to everyone else ill be aggressive and think about if i were to hurt them. it comes with the feeling of being out of control, like im spiraling. i can start laughing to myself too, as cringe as that sounds. spongebob when he rocks back and forth

excitement is usually better! (kinda?) with excitement ill become hyper, adrenalized even. i do start shaking in that situation as well, but its positive instead. ill grin until my face hurts, sometimes ill hyperventilate. oftentimes ill start thinking with grandiosity — "my darling is going to stay with me forever, they love me so much just as i love them. we'll never ever part, because we're perfect for each other. ill do anything to keep them with me, ill attach us together forever"

so yes!!

🍩 - "does your darling interact with others? if so, how do you feel about it?"

my darling does interact with others! i feel a little unhappy about it, mostly because i think about monopolizing their time so they only think about me, but for the most part im okay with it. i dont want to take away from their own happiness of having close relationships, especially since they might not consider us that close yet

if it were up to me though, they would gladly choose to spend more time with me and only me

🍯 - "what is your ideal yandere / darling scenario?"

if im honest, i dont really know what typical yan / darling scenarios are! id probably pull out the whole kidnapping thing again under duress hsndndb,, ive always loved the thought of "taking a long walk together that only one of them knows about." id hover behind my beloved, far enough away that they wouldnt notice me. or, maybe they would. maybe instead of being scared, they notice that im keeping everyone else away from them like a guard dog. and maybe itd be chilly out, dark except for the street lamps. id love to figure out everything about my darlings schedule, and where they like to go in this way. and id get to take pictures! id put them into a photo album dedicated just to them <3

🍵- "what's your favorite yandere trope or stereotype?"

i really enjoy the idea that the yan isnt very cool or popular! the loser yans, i think. not necessarily the perverse ones because im very much against that, but the ones who just genuinely don't know what theyre doing — theyre just so in love that they have to figure everything out about darling

or maybe the trope where the darling is revealed to also be a yan, or have those tendencies. where they go along with the yan's whims out of reciprocated love. i read stalker x stalker a while back, and i really enjoyed it for that idea!! especially the idea that.. i forgot what exactly it was, but one of the yans was a photographer and the other one had other traits. i would definitely be the photographer yan!!

🥠 - "favorite metaphor for love?"

definitely the canine motif! i absolutely love that idea — that i love like a dog, so terribly devoted. even if im kicked, left out in the rain or snow, ill sit there and drool (/nsx!!!) happily in front of my loved one. that i cant see past my adoration, i cant figure out how not to need them desperately, dependently. i dunno, i wish i could express it better!!

🧋- "what is your least favorite yandere trope or stereotype?"

hmm.. i might have to go with the perverted yans like i mentioned, or the ones with the dense love interest. i absolutely understand it being hard for someone to get cues or know that theyre being stalked, because yeah same T.T ,, but i think sometimes they take it too far. usually with the fem darlings, they can have a tendency to dumb her down to only being pretty. maybe she isnt that great at noticing things, but she doesnt have to be entirely stupid every single time

that and the stories that expect the yan to never ever experience any other emotion or dilemma or think about anything but their darling. yes, i love the portrayal of their darling consuming their mind, but other things are going to happen and the yan is only human, yknow?

OKAY THANK YOU SOMUCH FOR ASKING MI AMORCITA ):