#and ignore me flat out if neither of those options worked

[sacrificialmutt]

i was so confident that my bsf and i would never end bc we never fight- i never accounted for simply drifting. oops 😋😋

[alarrytale]

This new tattoo thing with Harry is a second blow after similar shame and doubt I’ve had around Louis. A few weeks ago, i tried explaining babygate to a new friend. All of it. The foreshadowing, SBB and RBB, the inconsistent pregnancy and birth timelines, ignoring Freddie for years until suddenly bringing him back, but they zeroed in on how the stunt is a character assassination of Louis, or rather my explanation of it. They pointed out how many times i said “but he would never do that” and how many inconsistencies relied on fans “knowing how the real him.” That all the inconsistencies and odd behavior are only weird if you assume Louis is a good and moral person who would be a picture perfect dad. The way my friend sees him, he’s just a random celebrity they don’t know who maybe isn’t the most present parent, and that, to them, makes a lot more sense than a good guy pretending to be a bad dad who only spends time with a pretend kid to put him in questionable situations in order to convince a small fan base he isn’t gay. All the stuff i brought up about how genuine he is with fans compared to Freddie was countered with videos of other celebrities known to be terrible people also being nice to fans for the camera. They gave examples of musicians who wrote beautiful lyrics while abusing their families behind the scenes. I don’t think Louis is an abuser and neither does my friend, but that discussion has made me question my own biases as a fan. Have they been complicit in stunts this whole time and I’ve just been assuming they didn’t have a choice because i want to see them as innocent? Even if he’s been forced into the Freddie situation, he’s still the one the stunt is for and therefor somewhat responsible. Maybe those sweet boys devoted to love and lifting up the lives of their fans that i fell in love with was just another marketing scheme that i fell for. I’m sorry this is ramble and we’ve moved on but I’ve been working up the courage to ask this and you seem like someone who won’t get mad at me for doubting.

Hi, anon!

Well, ultimately it kind of does depend on what kind of person you believe Louis to be. But also how much his image is controlled, and who's controlling it.

Let me sort it all a bit for you. Here is your options:

Louis is a good person vs not. Aka not just good when there is cameras around. I think there are enough evidence from people bts and from others, and what i see with my own two eyes, that he is a good person.

Louis is gay vs not. If he's gay then bg would never happen. I believe there's plenty of evidence of him being gay.

Louis is with Harry or not. If he's with Harry then he would never have slept with B. I obviously think he's with Harry and that there are a looooot of evidence supporting it.

The kid is Louis' or it's not. B was never pregnant and the kid looks like the Clarks.

Louis behaviour around babies and kids vs Louis around Freddie. He is really good with kids, as we've seen. He's excellent with his own siblings. They adore him. Shouldn't it be the same with F? His tone is flat when speaking of him and he sounds like he doesn’t know any of his interests etc. He's also an absent dad.

Good guy pretending to be a bad dad vs. Bad guy just being a bad dad but pretending to be a good dad. Louis is the son of an absentee father. Do you believe he'd do the same to his own son? If he had a kid with Harry, do you believe he'd treat them as bad as he's done F?

Being forced into it by people controlling his image (hide the gay, tarnish his image and perhaps help closet Harry) vs choosing to closet himself. Bg isn't just closeting it's taking advantage of a kid. There are other ways to closet himself. Make a sex tape. Or create a womaniser image like they did with Harry. Why would he tie himself to that family like that?

And to your 'he's the one the stunt is for so he's still somewhat responsible'. Yes, it's his image they are using, but if he's contractually obligated to (a contract he signed ar 18 to be in 1D) and is resisting, and not cooperating more than neccessary, then at least i struggle to blame him for that. Aka good person pretending to be a bad dad. He isn't the bad guy here. He's damned if he do and damned if he don't. If he's resisting he looks like a bad dad. If he's playing along his 90 per cent larrie fanbase will riot and not buy his shit. He'd also be lying more and also dragging the kid along more. So he's doing a bit of both to try to balance everything.

If you sort out all of the options above i think you'll see that Louis is a good person in a situation where he's a bit fucked either way he behaves. The kid is not his, so it's a stunt. Stunts suck.

[bangtanreadingcorner]

the fact is • jeon jeongguk

plot – you're a waitress that gets stuck serving jeon jeongguk, who can't make his mind up on what to eat.

words – 6.4K

"Indecisive snot, aren't you?"

The words are out before you could stop them. Your natural instinct is to take it back and apologize, but this idiot has pushed you over the edge. He has changed his order six times and that was after adding sides and removing this or that. The customer - the arrogant brat of a chaebol, you thought to yourself - looking at his menu snapped his gaze to you, eyes widening in surprise, disbelief and was that intrigue? Nope. Probably just a trick of the light.

"Excuse me?" He says, eyebrows still raised to high heaven.

You weigh your options silently for a few moments. You could try and kiss his ass and loose your job. Or you could finish what you started and loose your job. Because there was no question, you were loosing your job. Speaking to a customer like that, in a restaurant as high end as this? The ultimate no-no.

The choice was a no brainer.

You give him a flat look, "Are you deaf?"

A surprised scoff leaves him and for a moment he stares at you, and then a smirk pulls at the corners of his mouth. "Do you not know who I am?"

"Of course I know who you are, Jeon Jeongguk, I don't live under a rock." You roll your eyes at him.

"Huh." He frowns at you.

You frown back, "What?"

"I've never met someone so . . . outspoken before. Normally people are all compliments and well wishes." Jeongguk doesn't say how delightfully refreshing it is. Like a spring breeze, spreading through his veins and breathing colour into his monotonous life. This is the most excitement he's had since he went parachuting eight months ago. That is a sad thought, but unfortunately a true one.

"Yeah, well," You shrug, tapping your pen against your notebook. "Kissing ass and lying are two things that didn't make it onto my list of qualities."

"Speaking your mind, obviously did." He notes, still smirking.

"Excellent observational skills there, Sherlock." You deadpan.

Jeongguk laughs and you don't like the way it makes warmth simmer in your belly. He looks up at you with dark eyes and you privately think for all that the media gets wrong, they have one thing right. Jeon Jeongguk is ridiculously attractive. "What's your name?"

"Are you blind or illiterate?" You raise a brow down at him. He looks caught off guard for a moment.

"Um...neither?" It comes out unsure, hesitant.

"Then what exactly is stopping you from reading my name badge?" You ask, tapping the badge on your chest with your pen. You were already losing your job, so you might as well make the best of it.

He looks embarrassed for a second, eyes dropping to the table, cheeks dusting the faintest shade of pink.

You raise a brow, "So, are you going to order or are you going to complain to my manager and get me fired?"

"Fired for what?" He asks.

You want to snap at him, but the genuine confusion in his eyes made you hold your tongue. For once. In a 'duh' tone, you tell him. "Speaking my mind."

"Ah. Right." Realisation lights up in his eyes. "I could have you fired for speaking to me like that." He says, like the thought never occurred to him.

"I'll go get my manager then." You say and turn on your heel, not at all surprised.

Jeongguk's mind goes into an epic panic as you turn your back on him and he blurts a quick, "Wait."

"What?" You ask, turning back to him with an uninterested look.

"I said that I could. Not that I would." He tells you and it makes your speechless for about five seconds.

Then you squint at him with a slight glare, "What do you want?"

"Excuse me?"

"You obviously want something in exchange for keeping quiet. What is it?" You speak matter-of-factly. After a moment you add, "Just know, if it's something sexual or in that direction, I'd rather loose my job."

Jeongguk gapes at you, looking stunned. "I don't know whether to be insulted by the insinuation that I need to blackmail someone into sleeping with me or that you'd rather loose your job than sleeping with me."

"So sorry for offending your delicate sensibilities." You drawled sarcastically. "You still haven't told me what you want."

"Well, I like coming here often and when I do and you're my server, I'd like you to always speak your mind around me." He said, with the smallest of shrugs, looking down at the silverware on the table instead of at you.

Confusion sweeps through you, his request catching you off guard. "Really? That's it?"

"Yes." He nods stiffly.

"I don't understand." You admit.

"You don't have to. You asked me what I want, this is it." He looks at you again, eyes still dark and piercing and you can't understand what he's thinking.

"Fine, okay, yeah, I can do that." You nods eventually, noticing how his shoulders untense just a bit. You look at him, curious and full of questions, but cautious enough to not actually ask. "Are you gonna order now?"

"Why don't you surprise me? I can't decide what I want to eat." He says, handing you the menu.

"I'm shocked." You deadpan with a faux smile, before looking at him seriously. "Are you allergic to anything?"

"No." He shakes his head, lacing his fingers together and resting his hands on the table.

Your mind races for a few moments before settling on a dish. You nod at Jeongguk. "Okay, I'll be back with your food in a while then."

***

Three weeks later, you haven't served Jeongguk again. It's not that he hasn't been in, oh no, he has. You've seen him, caught him staring and then looking away quickly. He just hasn't sat at one of your tables again. Each week, the tables get rotated and there is four rotations, so you'll only be on Jeongguk's usual table next week.

You walked into the kitchen, just coming off your lunch break when Lee stops you and says, "Table 12 for you."

You look at Jae, who was on table 12 this week and got a hostile glare. You ignore her and look at Lee with confusion, "But I'm not on table 12 today."

"You were requested and customers here get what they want." Lee shrugs, giving you a 'it is what it is' look.

"By who?" You ask, having some idea of the answer. There is only one customer you know that would request you. You are always polite to the other customers but with an air of detachment, that keeps them from prying and you from getting into trouble. Until three weeks ago, that is.

"Jeon Jeongguk." Lee says, confirming your suspicions.

"Motherfucker." You swear.

Jae looks down her nose from you, "Don't he used to it. It won't last. He'll get bored of you soon enough."

"I hope so." You huff, as Jae walks away with a less than pleased expression.

"What?" Lee asks, her shock obvious.

"You heard me."

Lee tilts her head at you in disbelief and curiousity, "So, you're not trying to get into his pants?"

"Uh, no." You frown at her. Sure, he's hot but you know your place. You also need money than you need to get laid. "Why?"

"Most girls try when they work here, but everytime they try something, Mr. Jeon complains and they get fired." Lee explains.

Something suddenly made sense to you, "Is that what Jae's trying to do?"

"No one will say it to her face, but yeah, it is." Lee nods, shrugging a little. "She's jealous that he requested you, when you've worked here just over a month, served him once, and she's worked here for almost two years and he hasn't blinked in her direction."

"Huh," You frown, lost in your thoughts. "I wonder why he didn't get me fired then."

"Why? What did you say to him?" Lee eyes you curiously.

"Called him an indecisive snot." You smirk gleefully, happy that you got away with talking to him like you want and not getting fired because of it.

"Right." Lee says in a tone that made it clear she doesn't believe you.

"I did." You insist.

Lee waves you off, and you exit the kitchen, walking into the dining room, heading over to Jeongguk's regular table.

You look at him as he comes into your line of direct sight. His one leg was shaking, eyes shifting around the room, fingers tapping the table restlessly. When he spots you walking over to him, he stills completely. A smile - a cute one, you admit to yourself and no one else - spreads on his lips as he breathes your name, "Y/N."

You give him a look, "Did you miss me or something?"

"What? No." Jeongguk scoffs quickly. "I was bored. And you cure my boredom."

You raise your eyebrows at him, head going forward a little, "I cure your boredom?" You repeat, slowly. Maybe he's kidding.

But Jeongguk just nods at you as if it makes all the sense in the world, "Yeah. It's like live entertainment while I eat."

You scowl at him, "I'm not a circus clown."

"That's not what I meant!" He exclaims, voice a little too loud, causing heads to swivel in your direction. He takes a breath and speaks again, softer this time. "I just meant that it's nice. Or it was nice, the one time I actually got to talk to you."

"So, you did miss me." You tease good naturedly. Jeongguk doesn't answer, just stares resolutely down at the table. You sigh, feeling fond instead of annoyed. You hide a smile as you ask, "What will it be today?"

Jeongguk looks at you again, hesitantly at first, then fully when he sees your expectant gaze, "Surprise me."

Now you were surprised, "Again?"

"I liked what you ordered last time." He does that small shrug again. Actually, it's less of a shrug, and more a slight lift of the shoulders. You notice that he has broad shoulders, and the suit he's wearing only makes them look better. You push those thoughts away, focusing on the conversation.

"And if you don't like it this time?" You challenge.

"I did say surprise me, and surprises can be positive or negative." Jeongguk decides not to tell her that this is his favorite restaurant and he knows the menu by heart. He knows and likes every dish, so there was no way he wouldn't like something she serves him. And he's curious as to what she'll decide this time.

You snort, laughing lightly, "You know, you're not as bad as I thought you were."

Jeongguk looks mildly offended, "I'll have you know, I'm a catch."

"I'm sure." You nod, hiding a grin.

"I am." He insists and you had to admit, he is attractive.

"Yes, right up until the moment you open your mouth." You say honestly, writing down one of the dishes on the menu.

"Rude." He pouts a little and you suppress the urge to giggle, of all things.

"Maybe," You concede. "But it's the truth." You picked up his menu, turning on your heel to go to the kitchen.

"So, how do I . . . improve?" Jeongguk asks when you come back with his food, continuing with the conversation where you left off.

"Do I look like a life coach to you?" You set down the food. "Enjoy."

"Thanks." Jeongguk grins at her. "And, no, but if I went to one they'd tell me what they think I want to hear, not what I need to hear."

You stare at him for a few seconds and he looks back unflinchingly. "Well," You press your lips together. "I guess you should start with why you want to change."

That makes Jeongguk falter. He can't very well say, 'so I can impress you, since my money doesn't seem too' and he thinks for a bit. "I have come to realise that maybe I treat people unfairly based on how much money they have. I would like to change that."

Your eyebrows goes up, "That's surprisingly deep, coming from you."

"I'm not swallow." He defends himself.

You nod complacently, "Right, well, the answer is easy but actually doing it, will all depend on you."

"What do I do?"

"Just, think before you say something. Ask yourself, can my words hurt this person?"

"And if they deserve it?" Jeongguk wonders.

"The right answer would be to still be considerate, because two wrongs don't make a right, but I hate being a hypocrite, so go for it, if they deserve it. I mean, it's not like I held back when you annoyed me." You gave a shrug. "I should go. We're not allowed to loiter at the tables."

Jeongguk wants to ask her to sit with him and keep him company some more, but he knows he would be setting himself up for rejection. Instead, he just looks at her with a half smile. "Just when I think I have you all figured out, you do or say something that proves me wrong."

"My mom always used to say, you can spend a lifetime with someone and still learn something new about them every day. People evolve everyday and you'll never be who you are right now, tomorrow again."

"She sounds like a wise woman." Jeongguk remarks.

You smile, nostalgia making your heart warm, "Yeah, she was."

"I'm sorry." Jeongguk says, catching onto the past tense. A lump forms in your throat out of nowhere.

"Thank you." You swallowed thickly, clearing your throat. You gave him a shaky smile, hoping he wouldn't notice. "See, you're doing better already."

Jeongguk did notice but decided not to call her out on it. He just smiled up at her softly, watching after her figure when she walks away.

***

"You know, if I didn't know that you come here everyday, I'd say you that you are stalking me." You teased Jeongguk when you go to take his order for the fifth time in a row. You've had a day off, inbetween, but when you showed up for your next shift, Jeongguk was there and everytime he's requested you. By now, whoever was on rotation for his table, just lets you know whenever he shows up.

"And how do you know that?" Jeongguk raises a curious eyebrow at you.

"I complained to Lee about you and she told me." You explain to him, mentally running over the menu in your head. Jeongguk told you on the third day to just order for him everytime. So, when you walk to his table under the guise of taking his order, the two of you just talk.

"Lee?" He inquires.

"She's my friend and another server here."

"Ah." Jeongguk nods in realisation. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"You can ask, but that doesn't guarantee I'll answer." You say, giving him a cheeky smile.

She has a beautiful smile, Jeongguk thinks to himself. He shakes himself out of his thoughts and looks her in the eyes, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

You frown down at him, finding the question odd. He's never asked anything too personal. Just normal things, what you're studying, what you do when you're not working. Sometimes you'll tell him a story of something dumb you did as a kid, but he'll never outright ask. "No."

A thought suddenly occurs to Jeongguk and he doesn't really want to ask because that'll destroy every hope he has but he needs to know. He quirks a brow at her, "Girlfriend?"

You snort at the question, "No, I'm straight. My cousin swings both ways though. Nearly gave his mom a stroke when he came out at our annual Christmas family dinner two years ago."

"Oh." Jeongguk wants to sag in relief, wants to let out a thankful cheer, but settles for just a small smile and letting out a breath of relief.

"Why are you asking?"

He does that little shrug that isn't really a shrug thing. "I was just wondering. You never really talk about one, or even someone you're interested in."

"Okay, if there was someone, why would I tell you?" You are teasing, but he doesn't know as you look at him blankly.

"I was just curious." Jeongguk huffs defensively.

"Yeah, yeah, settle down." You snicker. After a moment you say, "I guess I don't talk about it because there hasn't been anyone to talk about."

"Really?" Jeongguk beams up at you hopefully, eyes glittering.

"Really." You roll your eyes, but there was a slight warmth in your cheeks that wasn't there before.

***

Seven months and many short conversations later – in which you learnt many things about Jeongguk and vica versa – you walk up to his table with a smile, genuinely excited to see your sort of friend. The smile fades from your face when you lay eyes on him – his whole body was tense, you could tell even from a distance, he was glaring out the window, clenched fists laying on the table. Something wasn't right. You quicken your pace, concern swirling in your belly. You stop at his table, feeling your heartbeat quicken. "What's wrong?"

"None of your fucking business." He snaps at you, words so venomous it makes you take a step back in shock, but mostly hurt.

Jeongguk regrets the words the moment they're out because he didn't mean them. He doesn't want to fight or argue. He came to see her to feel better. Now he snapped at her. He waits, for whatever tongue lashing she is about to give him. He'd deserve it and he'll take it. But she says nothing. Somehow her silence was much worse than any insult she can hurl at him. Her face closes off, he watches it happen as her fingers tighten around the pen and notepad she uses to take orders, and panic sparks beneath his skin, overriding all the anger he feels.

No. His mind rebels against the thought immediately.

"What can I get for you today, Sir?" Her voice is perfectly polite as she asks the question, like it was the first time he met her. Until he made her snap after changing his order for a sixth time.

No, no, no, no, no! Not this. Anything but this. His heartbeat quickens.

Jeongguk was quickly turning frantic, "Y/N, please, I-"

"We have a lovely special today." She goes on as if he didn't speak, eyes void of the usual fire when she'd argue with him or the gentle warmth when she sometimes smiled at him and called him an idiot. It was the only times he ever liked being called an idiot.

He listens to her droning on about he specials, explaining them. Jeongguk's heart drops all the way down to his feet. It feels like someone pulled a rug from beneath his feet, and he is thrown off balance from the how utterly wrong it feels, how much it bothers him, hurts him, that she is talking to him like he is just another random customer. Like she hasn't told him how she got stuck in a tree, climbing after the neighbors cat. Playing with their cat because her parents never allowed pets.

A cold feeling of dread washes over him because Jeongguk has no idea to fix whatever he just fucked up.

***

You very almost cry when Jeongguk snaps at you, feeling irrationally hurt by his words. You shove it all down as you pull up your walls and shut him out to protect yourself. You serve him as quickly as possible, walking away without a friendly word.

"Trouble in paradise?" Jae smirks at you when you come back from serving Jeongguk.

You glare at her, not in the mood for dealing with her jealousy today. "No, just looking at your face is enough to put anyone in a bad mood."

Jae's eyes widened, fury spreading on her face. "You bitch!" She yells, raising a hand to slap you.

You smirk, catching her wrist easily. "Careful, just now you break a nail."

You let her go, walking away. You wait until you're in the bathroom, safely away from prying eyes in a locked stall, before letting you face crumple, only letting one tear escape before getting yourself under control.

You finish your shift, completely exhausted by the end of it – emotionally and physically. The last thing you have the energy for, is Jeongguk, so of course he's waiting for you at the personnel entrance and exit when you step outside. Intent on ignoring him, you pretend that you don't see him and you start walking in the direction of the train station.

Jeongguk follows you, apparently not easily deterred. "Will you just talk to me please?"

"What would you like me to say, Sir?" You ask in your most professional voice, looking ahead and not glancing at him.

"I'd like you to talk to me and stop treating me like I'm a customer." He says, sounding frustrated and desperate.

"You are a customer, Sir." You answer, still not looking at him.

"For fuck sakes, will you stop with the 'sir' already and talk to me like you used to?" Jeongguk all but explodes, stepping infront of you, and looking down at you for a change. It's startling, for a moment. You always look down at him when he sits at the table and it never occured to you that he's taller than you. He sets his hands on your shoulders (they're big and warm and you feel surprisingly safe, even when he squeezes slightly), frantic and desperate eyes looking into yours. "You don't even have to talk, you can yell or scream or shout for all I care, just please stop."

"You want me to talk? Fine." You glare up at him, shrugging out of his hold and taking a step back. He's way to close for comfort. "Look, I get I'm not exactly from the same side of town as you are, but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of empathy. I'd bet that I have more empathy than most people you know. So, when someone I see as a kind of friend, snaps at me when I ask them what's wrong out of concern, when they could have said they don't want to talk about it, it hurts." You rant, a little out of breath. "Do you understand that? You hurt me."

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I am so sorry, you have no idea. I shouldn't have snapped at you and I regretted it the moment I did it. I was angry, and I know it isn't an excuse but it's the truth."

"Sorry isn't going to fix it," You say, voice edging on being too sharp. Your heart twists when his face falls. You soften a bit. "But it is a step in the right direction."

Jeongguk perks up, "What's another?"

"For starters, next time you don't want to talk about me, tell me instead of snapping at me." You give him a pointed glare, crossing your arms over your chest.

Jeongguk gives you an apologetic look, "Again, I'm sorry. I honestly didn't mean to snap at you. I came to talk to you, hoping I'd calm down a bit. I had an ugly fight some dumbass that tried to sell low quality material to us and I took it out of you."

You are reminded of the fact that he is the heir to his father's multi-billion won international conglomerate and for some reason, it makes you sad. You smile at him, ignoring the sadness. "Well, you're forgiven but I'm not forgotting."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He grins cheekily. He paused for a moment, then smirks at you. "So, we're friends now?"

You groan, "I should have known that would come back to bit me I'm the ass."

***

A large bouquet of pink tulips is delivered to you the next morning. Inside is a card that reads:

Thank you for never giving up on me. -JJK

Lee whistles loudly when she sees them and your cheek burn. "Someone must really like you."

"It's from a friend." You say, ignoring the fluttering in your belly.

"My point still stands. Those are out of season, you know." She remarks.

You nod, "I know. They're my favourite."

You finish your shift with a smile on your face. Until your boss calls you into his office.

"Yes, Sir?" You ask, still smiling and the bouquet of flowers in your one hand, backpack up on your shoulders and ready to go home.

"Y/N. I'll get right to the point. There's been a complaint that you've been too friendly with one of our customers." He says bluntly.

You almost drop your flowers in shock, "What?"

"I'm sorry to do this, Y/N, but it is a direct violation of the contract you signed when you started here. Professionalism is our top priority. I have no choice but to fire you." He says, and he does look sorry as he holds out an envelope to you. "This is the week's wages. Again, I'm sorry. You are a good worker."

"You're firing me because of something someone accused me off?" You ask, indignant and a little angry. "You're not even going to ask me if I did it? And if I did it, why I didn't stop?"

"The accusation came from a very trustworthy customer that was concerned that our reputation might be damaged." Your manager says. "If it gets to the owner and he finds out I did nothing, I could loose my job."

You scoff, taking the envelope. If you didn't need the money, you'd have thrown it back in his face. "So, it's okay for me to loose mine?"

"I'm sorry."

"So am I." You say before turning around and leaving.

***

The first day she's not there, Jeongguk brushes it off, thinking she has the day off and forgot to tell him. The second day, he starts to worry, just a little. The third day, he almost thinks himself into a mental breakdown. The fourth day, he demands to see the manager.

"Mr. Jeon." The manager greets with a smile that was clearly fake. Jeongguk thought back to Y/N, who never smiled much but when she did, it was honest and pure and breathtaking. He misses it and would do whatever it takes to get it back.

"Where is Y/N?" He demands, voice and gaze equally cold and intimidating. It's a side of him that she broke through within minutes, digging up the real Jeongguk and pulling him to the surface. The past months, he's been able to breathe again, live instead of just existing, waiting for the next person that wants his money. But that cold and calculating side of him is still there.

The manager pales and Jeongguk's worry increases. Did something happen to her? The manager shifts on his feet but still doesn't answer. "If you don't answer me within the next five seconds, I will call the owner and ask him to answer me."

"S-she was fired." The man stutters out.

Jeongguk feels his stomach drop. She never outright said it but he knows she depends heavily on the income from this job. It worries him, because he has this urge to take care of her. He wants to give her as much money as she needs, for her to live comfortably, but he knows she wouldn't take it. He glares at the manager, "Why?"

"Someone filed a complaint against her. She was getting to friendly with y-you." The manager says, looking a little terrified.

Jeongguk clenches his jaw, "And instead of asking me if I have a problem with it, you fired her?"

"Her contract says-"

Jeongguk stands up, towering over the man in height and size. "I don't give a shit what her contract says. How many times have I filed a complaint when the servers made me inappropriate offers and crude suggestions? I never once complained about her."

Jeongguk doesn't give the manager anymore time to do anything other than letting out a squeak before turning around and leaving the restaurant.

***

Five days after you were fired, you started too feel it. The absence of Jeongguk's presence. At first, you didn't notice it. To wrapped up in finding another job, worried about money and going to classes to think about it. But today is Sunday and the diner you found a temporary job at two days ago, is closed on Sundays. It's crappy pay and not alot of hours either but it was something and it'll help until you could get something else.

You lay on your bed, listening to your mom vacuuming the living room. University housing was expensive and you'd rather live at home and save the money than having even more debt. You laze the day away, knowing that none of the projects you have, is due that Monday. Your thoughts drift back to Jeongguk, like it always does. You honestly didn't think you'd end up missing him this much.

You like him, so fucking much. You figured it out a long time ago. You also know that you come from two different worlds. You are fine with that, you accepted it and you were content to be his friend.

Now he's completely gone from your life. Ripped out of it without warning.

You go to your classes the next day. In your last one, you doodle absentmindedly on the corner of your notebook, only half listening to the Professor. When the class is over, you look at what you drew and then groan out loud. Jeongguk's initials. Of fucking course. You scoff to yourself, leaving the class and then the building. You want to go home and sulk in privacy.

Outside, the sun was shining and you stood still for a moment, soaking in the warmth.

"Y/N!" A voice yelled your name and your head whips in the direction because you know that voice. You look, eyes searching desperately because you are so sure it was his voice. You're not hallucinating and- and there he is, running over to you.

"Jeongguk? What are you doing here?" You ask when he stops infront of you, completely bewildered.

He looks panicked and frantic. Like that day he snapped at you. He grips your shoulders, the hold almost painful. "You weren't there. I went to the restaurant and you weren't there and the manager told me you were fired and-"

"Jeongguk, stop. Breathe." You say, reaching up to hold onto his wrists, lightly rubbing your thumbs over the inside of his wrists. You wait until his grip loosens, until he was holding instead of gripping. "How did you find me?"

"You told me where you go to school one day." He answers off handedly, eyes scanning over your face, almost as if memorising the little details. Guilt flashes on his face, "I'm sorry you were fired."

You laugh at his words, removing his hands from your shoulders because it was getting a little too intimate, your heartbeat speeding up. "You know, half the time I see you, you end up apologizing to me."

"Hey, it's weird for me too." Jeongguk pouts and you have this urge to rise on your tiptoes and kiss it. "I'm not used to apologizing."

"Don't worry about it, I'm not angry." You wave him off.

"Can we talk?" He pleads and you agree immediately because you missed him so much.

"Yeah, there's a park nearby."

"Scared to be seen with me?" He teases with a smirk, and for a moment it's like nothing has changed.

You snort, "Don't you know? The walls has ears and Twitter accounts."

Jeongguk laughs, loud and unrestrained, throwing his head back. You couldn't help but smile. "This way."

You guide him to the park. It wasn't very big, and not a lot of people came here either, so it was perfect to talk. You each sit down on a swing.

"What are you gonna do now?" Jeongguk asks.

You shrug, "No clue, but I'll figure something out."

A guilty look spreads on his face again, "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have-"

You cut him off, "Shouldn't have what? Let a server talk back to you? Yeah, probably not but we both enjoyed it, so it's on you as much it is on you. More on me though, because it was my responsibility as an employee to treat you with respect."

"You did," Jeongguk says immediately, sincerely. "Even when you were at your most brutally honest moments."

You give him a slight smile. "Well, fun as it was, it seems our path has come to an end."

"Why?" Jeongguk frowns heavily at you.

"Huh?"

Jeongguk looks you in the eye, gaze piercing. "Why does it have to end?"

You snorted, thinking he was messing with you but his eyes were completely serious. You answer in a matter-of-fact tone, "Because you're you and I'm me. Besides, most of the time we argued."

"Y/N." He says your name like it is his greatest wish. He stands up from his swing, making his way infront of you and pulled you to your feet. He looks at you, eyes impossibly fond, "That wasn't arguing. It was banter. If you think that's arguing, you probably think my parents goes to war every now and again." He smiles, a little nervous. "And foe the record, I would rather argue with you for the rest of my life than ever kiss another girl again."

Your mouth drops open in shock, and you really don't know what the fuck to make of that. "I-"

He cuts you off, "And I don't want this to be over."

Silence falls between you two. You stare at him, he stares back. Until, finally, you blurt, "I don't know what to say."

Jeongguk is a little bit disappointed, but not surprised in the slightest. At least it isn't an outright rejection. "You don't have to say anything. Just answer one question."

"Okay?"

"Would you want to date me?" You choke on thin air from shock. That means that he feels the same way as you do, right? Happiness makes your blood sing. Then it sinks in and reality comes back to you. Your happiness evaporates and you swallow thickly. You open your mouth to tell him 'no', but once again Jeongguk cuts you off before you could say something. "Forget about our social status, forget about what people would say and think about me and you. Together. Really think about it. I have, and I think we could work, if you gave it a chance."

"And if it doesn't work?" You ask softly, vulnerable in a way you've never been before. Distantly you wonder how he knew what you were thinking.

"Then at least we can say we tried." He shrugs.

You look down at the ground, wanting to think without looking at him, into those mesmerizing eyes of his. He could ask you to commit murder, and chances are that you'll do it if he looks at you long enough. When did you become so completely gone for him? You think about it, but there was never a moment where you realised, this is the person I like. Maybe . . . maybe it's because you've always liked him. Right from the start, even when he was infuriating. The thought is startling, but you aren't scared by it. It's more like another piece of the puzzle between you and Jeongguk has fallen into place. But there is the problem of your different social statuses. Yeah, Jeongguk said forget about it, but for how long? If you try and this does work out, then eventually you'll have to face the reality of everything that comes with being together. Somehow that scares you more than if it doesn't work.

You look back up at him, and you know – despite all your worries and doubts – it was never really a choice because you choose Jeongguk the moment you chose to accept his offer of being honest all those months ago. "Okay."

Jeongguk looks like he's ready to argue, "I-" You watch as your answer sinks in. The stunned expression almost makes you laugh, "What?"

"Did you want me to say no?" You give him an amused look, smile curling the corners of your lips upwards.

His eyes widens and he shakes his head frantically, "No, no, no, I just wasn't expecting you to say yes to quickly."

"That makes two of us." You admit. Jeongguk is right though, better to try and either fail or succeed, or never try and forever wonder what if. You smile up at him, heart soaring happily. "You make a good case. You should have become a lawyer."

Jeongguk's eyes light up, "Just wait until you hear the case I have to make on why we should kiss."

"Tell you what, if you kiss me within the next three seconds, you don't have to make a case at all." You bargained with a grin.

Jeongguk didn't need to be told twice. He leaned close and kissed you, slow and deep, one hand slipping into your hair and the other curling around your waist, pulling you close to him. He breaks the kiss, licking his lips and your eyes are drawn to the action. You lick your own lips, liking the taste of him. His voice is deep and rough, his cheeks flushed, when he asks, "Want to go get something to drink?"

"Yeah," You nod with a goofy smile, your own cheeks also flushed, feeling like you might float away at any second. "I could go for a smoothie."

"I love smoothies." Jeongguk grins back at you, taking your hand, lacing your fingers. His other hand was still wrapped around your waist and hold you close.

An old question flashes across your mind as you run your hands up his chest, liking the strong, study feel of it, until you can lock your arms around his neck. "You know, I've been meaning to ask."

"Mmm?" Jeongguk hummed in acknowledgement, showing that he was listening.

"Why didn't you get me fired that first day?" You ask, aware that you are suppose to be getting smoothies but it could wait for a bit.

Jeongguk had been expecting this question for a while, and had come up with an answer a long time ago. He looks down at her with all he feels for her, a content smile on his lips.

"Because you were the first honest person I have met in years. Because you put me in my place without thinking twice. Because when you glared down at me after I changed my order for the sixth time, there was a fire in your eyes that woke something inside of me that I couldn't control. Not then and not now." He leaned down, rubbing his nose against hers, the gesture shy and intimate. "Because the fact is, you had me at 'indecisive snot'."

the end.

A/N: Tumblr and it's 250 box limit will be the death of me, I swear. I get it, I do. But come on! This very almost didn't fit, I had to edit and mush several chapters into one. Eventually it fit, but NEVER AGAIN! It was exhausting and time consuming. I'll rather split it again, like I did with two of my other fics. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. This took me a while with all the editing. Purple hearts for all of you!! -Kayla.

[lockley-spktr]

Progress

Summary: Bucky is still struggling with his nightmares even though he completed his list of amends. The two of you have a serious talk.

Word count: 2,055

Warnings: Mentions of therapy, trauma, and Bucky’s nightmares. Otherwise I can’t think of any others. Yes, I included fluff in here. Bucky has suffered enough in canon. 

Author’s note: I started writing this after I watched the TFATWS finale when it was first released. For the most part, I enjoyed the finale, but some things in regards to Bucky fell flat for me. I got the impression that we’re supposed to believe he’s fine now just because he finished his list of amends when we didn’t even get to see a montage or anything. And his talk with Yori was anti-climatic to say the least. that just didn’t sit right with me so here’s my spin on what I think Bucky still struggles with after the events of the TFATWS finale. A lot of the therapy talk was personal for me so it hit hard as I was writing it. As always, feedback is appreciated!

You catch a glimpse of the digital clock on your nightstand as you roll onto your side. 

Since when was it 2:00 AM and where had Bucky gone off to?

Usually, when woke up in the middle of the night if you were alone, you'd readjust and fall back asleep. If Bucky was with you, you’d snuggle up against him and fall back asleep. 

Since you weren't alone and Bucky had disappeared on you neither one of those two things was an option for you. 

Rubbing your eyes, you get up from your bed and stretch. You grab a blanket and make your way into the living room. 

The soft glow of the TV screen catches your attention. Your eyes wander to Bucky who's sat on the couch and playing with his hands. 

“Bucky?” You say softly, trying not to startle him.

Bucky turns his head to face you, “What are you doing up?”

You shrug, “I just woke up. I went to snuggle up to you, but you weren't there. I was worried.”

Bucky furrows his eyebrows, “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to worry you.”

You shake your head, “It’s alright. What's wrong?” 

Bucky looks away from you, focusing his attention on the TV, “Nothings wrong.” 

“Bucky.”

“What?”

“You're a terrible liar.” 

“I’m not lying.”

“Then look me in the eyes and tell me nothings wrong.”

Bucky sighs as he leans back against the couch cushions. Still avoiding eye contact with you he speaks softly, “I can’t.”

“That's what I thought.”

You sit down on the couch next to him and lay the blanket on both of you. 

“Is this alright?” You ask. 

Bucky nods, “You know, I used to be a good liar.” 

You chuckle, “Used to being the key phrase.”

Bucky takes your hand in his, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb, “You think you're funny, don't you?”

“I don't think I’m funny, I know I’m funny. Even if you were a good liar I’d still be able to tell when you're lying.”

“Why is that?”

“Because we’ve been dating for ten months, I know you, baby,” you soften your voice, your playful tone disappearing, “And that also means I know when somethings wrong, please talk to me.” 

Bucky sighs, “I had a nightmare.”

“What was it about?”

“Yori’s son,” Bucky pauses, and when he continues you can hear the frustration in his voice, “And I don't know why. I spoke to Yori, months ago, I told him what happened. I don't understand why it's still haunting me.” 

“Bucky, just because you spoke to him, doesn't mean that what he did is just going to be erased from your memories.” 

“But I told him. I did what Dr. Raynor told me to do, what Sam told me to do.”

“That doesn't just mean the guilt you feel because of it disappears.“

Bucky huffs, “Well it should.”

“I know you want it to disappear, but you know that's not how trauma works for anybody.“

Bucky looks down at you, “What do I do?”

“You keep trying, that's all you can do,” you move your free hand to his face, wiping away his tears, “My love, that's all any of us can do.” 

“Just trying doesn't feel like enough.” 

“It is enough, Bucky.”

“I was making progress. I thought I was getting better.”

“You are making progress. You are getting better. The progress you've made doesn't just disappear because you had a bad nightmare.”

Bucky let's go of your hand and turns away from you. 

“Please don't do that.” You say, readjusting on the couch so your body is facing his. 

“Don't do what?” 

“Don't close yourself off from me.”

Bucky runs his hand through his hair. He lets out a sigh as he turns to face you. 

You smile putting your hand on his knee, “Thank you.” Your voice is soft and your touch is gentle. 

That makes Bucky relax a bit knowing you're not mad at him. You're just worried because you care about him. 

Even after all this time he still isn't used to someone caring for him. There are moments where he accepts it and believes it. Then there are moments where he can't accept it and listens to the lies his brain tells him.

The look on Bucky’s face makes your heartbreak. It's a combination of fear and frustration.

You take his hands in yours and rub your thumbs along his knuckles just like he did with you earlier.

“Bucky, progress isn't linear. It's messy and filled with so many ups and downs. You may think you're over something, and then something like a bad nightmare happens and you feel like you're right back where you started, right?”

Bucky nods.

“The thing is you're not back where you started. The progress you made is still there. It doesn't just disappear because of one bad moment,” you move one of your hands to his cheek, softly stroking under his eyes with your thumb, “You'll bounce back from this and continue to heal, you always do. You don't give yourself enough credit for how strong you are.” 

Bucky leans against your hand and presses a kiss to your palm.

“You've been to hell and back multiple times yet you never let that change you. You easily could've turned your back on the world, but you didn't,” you move closer to him, “Every day you choose to be kind and if the opportunity presents itself you choose to help others. You’re a good man.”

Bucky knows you’re right. He knows that you aren't lying to him and you believe everything you said to him. You were always truthful, you never lied, not to him.

You were kind, but his mind and his thoughts weren't. And he knew that you could tell he was battling his thoughts right now. 

You put your hands on his face, softly stroking underneath his eyes with your thumbs. “Bucky, you are good. You are a hero. And you deserve all the good things the world has to offer.”

Tears well up in Bucky’s eyes and as they fall you wipe them away. 

“Do you believe me, Buck?”

Bucky nods, “I do.” 

You can tell he's being truthful and that makes you smile, he's come so far, “I love you, baby.”

Bucky presses his forehead against yours and smiles, “I love you too, doll.” His hands move to your face, he leans in and kisses you. 

The two of you stay on the couch a while after that, you're straddling his hips, and your head is against Bucky’s chest. He has his chin on your head and his arms wrapped around you. 

For a while, it was peaceful. Bucky had fallen back asleep and you were happy that he was getting some much-needed rest. 

Just as you were about to fall asleep you felt Bucky jolt awake.

His grip around you is tight, but you don't mind, he isn't hurting you. He could never hurt you. 

Bucky looks down at you with wide eyes and your heart breaks, you hate seeing him like this, he looks so scared. 

You readjust yourself on his lap, still straddling his hips, you put your hands on his shoulders. “You’re alright, baby. You're with me. What happened?” 

Bucky shakes his head, “Nothing.”

“Did you have a bad dream again?”

“No, I just,” he sighs, “I didn't mean to fall asleep.”

“You need to sleep. Why are you fighting it?” 

Bucky shrugs, but you know there's a reason. Something he isn't telling you. 

“Buck, please.” You push gently you don't want to upset him, but you know he’ll feel better if he says it out loud, gets it out of his head, and he knows that too.

“I don't want to have any more bad dreams or nightmares.” 

“You can't stay awake forever,” you rest your hands on his chest and play with his dog tags, “Can I ask you something?”

“‘Course.”

“Why'd you stop going to therapy?”

“The goal was to finish my list of amends. I finished it so I stopped going.” 

“Finishing your list of amends wasn't the goal, it was one goal. The goal is to heal and learn how to cope,” you sigh, “My love, the goal isn't achieved by just finishing one goal. Even then healing is a constant process and it's hard, but once you start feeling better it's all worth it.” 

“Doll, I know you're right, but I’m scared.” 

It feels strange for Bucky to say it out loud, but he can't ignore the instant relief he feels once the words leave his mouth. 

“Oh, baby,” you place your hand on his cheek, and he leans into your hand, “It’s okay to be scared. What are you scared about?”

“I’m scared that I can't do it, that I’m not strong enough.”

“Not strong enough? What did I say earlier? James, You are the strongest person I know,” you kiss his forehead, “You've endured things that no person should ever have to experience. And you survived.”

Bucky smiles, “James? You must be serious.”

You giggle softly, “You bet I am.”

“I don't want to go back to Dr. Raynor.”

“You don't have to.“

“Who will I see?”

“Whoever you want to. It's your decision to make, Bucky. Not the governments, not mine, yours.”

Bucky’s eyes light up, “Yeah?”

You smile, “Yeah. It might take some time to find the right person, but you'll find them, I know it.” 

“Are you sure?”

You nod, “I believe in you,” you kiss his forehead and continue, “If you want I can come to your appointments with you, I can just sit in the waiting room for moral support, or I could come in with you if there's something you want to talk about, but you're not sure if you can do it alone.” 

“I can't ask you to do that, Y/N.”

“You aren't asking me to do anything, Buck. I’m offering. Whatever you need I’m here for you.”

Bucky’s voice is quiet as he asks, “Why?”

“Remember how last week you came to therapy with me, just to sit in the waiting room in case I needed you during or immediately after the session?”

Bucky nods, moving his hand to your face, “I do.”

“Why’d you do that?” 

“I knew you had a rough week. I didn't want you to be alone.”

“Why didn't you want me to be alone?”

“Because I love you.” 

You smile, “Those reasons are exactly why I want to do this for you. I know this is going to be hard for you, I don't want you to be alone, and I love you too.” 

You rest your forehead against his “I’m so lucky to have you,” Bucky mumbles in between kisses, “you're so good to me.” 

“The feeling is mutual,” you hold his face in your hands, “Why don't we go back to bed? We can talk more about all of this tomorrow,” you kiss his nose, “You need to sleep.”

“So do you, doll.”

“That’s why I said why don't we go back to bed. We as in both of us, Barnes.”

“You’re last naming me now?” 

You nod, “I might start middle naming you soon.”

“Please don't.” 

“Buch–”

Bucky cuts you off by covering your mouth with his hand, “That's enough of that. You win. We’ll go to bed.”

You burst into a fit of laughter the moment he picks you up. Bucky can’t hide the smile that appears on his face when he hears your laugh, it’s one of his favorite sounds. And knowing that he’s the reason for it makes him incredibly happy.

Once you’re both settled under the covers, Bucky turns to face you. When he speaks you almost miss it. His voice is soft, you can tell just how exhausted he is. 

“Doll?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you hold me?

You don’t say anything. You just hold open your arms and Bucky takes the hint. He rests his head on your chest and you wrap your arms around him.

You kiss his head, “Are you comfortable?” 

“Very.”

“I’m glad. Now, get some rest,” you rest your chin on his head, “I’m right here if you need me. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

“Love you so much,” Bucky mumbles as he falls asleep.

“I love you too.”

[romanticizedlightfixture]

Bobby and Athena + Buck and Eddie parallels

Okay I caved, I’ll talk about Bobby & Athena and Buck & Eddie parallels that are very clearly intentional. In reference to this post I made. I’m gonna start with Character responses and similarities in development. 

Character response + similarities

 As of now, we wait for 5B, while Bathena and Buddie both have qualities of closing in. Both Eddie and Athena are  ignoring traumatic things and making decisions without consulting the people they normally would (ie. Eddie would talk to Buck about him leaving and the hostage situation, Athena would talk to Bobby about the option to retire and discontinuing therapy) Neither Athena or Eddie seem to properly understand or acknowledge (I don’t believe it’s malicious, it just feels real if they were to do so) that these events effect their other half respectively. In the same regard, it runs deeper for the both of them. 

For Eddie, being held at gunpoint wasn't only about that, it was about the sniper, and by mentioning Buck in 5x10 to Carla, “neither of us”, it’s also kind of his way of acknowledging Buck in the event of the shooting. And much more then that, it’s about the will. They haven’t talked about it at all this season, I’m positive they will in 5B, and when they do, it’s gonna be heavy, and Eddie knows that. It’s why he’s shrinking away, ‘fixing’ things for Christopher without directly asking him if that’s what he wanted him to do. Tightly folding up his place in the 118 without really talking about it in the dynamic-changing way it is. 

They have however, talked about Ana. Buck takes a very similar role to Bobby’s with Athena with Eddie this season, especially when they talk about Ana. Eddie wants to stick it out because it’d be easier, it’d be compartmentalized and safe. And Buck, both with the panic attack and Ana (though those conversations are intertwined) coaxes Eddie to talk about it, to make him think. Buck just wants Eddie to talk to him, it’s all he wants. “You need to tell me if something is wrong.” 

For Athena, her story  follows a similar path this season. It isn’t about retirement, even though it is. It isn’t about discontinuing therapy, even though it is. It’s this unwillingness to open up to Bobby, which he points out, in 4x13, but really does not get resolved in the way it should. Athena and Bobby are just as much of a partnership as Buck and Eddie, and having this parallel, is interesting too, because I feel like on Bobby’s end, there hasn’t been a lot of new character development.

 Buck, doesn’t necessarily not have character development, but they make a point to highlight how stuck he is. Because he is. He is trying with Taylor, and where we leave off it’s working, but in 5B with Eddie gone? We can fucking bet that won’t be the case any longer. Even if they aren’t setting up Buddie to be at least open ended by the end of this season (which I doubt with the way this show is coming to a head. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, there is no way for this show in the trajectory that it’s going to reach the emotional climax that it could if Buddie were to not at the very least be engaged with or acknowledged, it isn’t possible without falling flat.) 

On the other hand, we see both Athena and Eddie trying hard to move forward, push through it and ignore it while their other-halves just want them to be let in, something they can’t do, because that would mean processing the trauma that they can’t yet process. This would also mean allowing people to take care of them, they don’t always have to be the one to handle their misses, they’re allowed to ask for help. (also an interesting dynamic because I think early season 1 & 2 Bobby and Buck had a really hard time with that too, but it was unwillingness to ask for help when it came to others, fixing things for other people to ignore the way they feel they can’t be fixed.)  

 I’m gonna make a part two with color theory + framing, look out for that, it is genuinely so blatant. 

[astronomoney]

IDK if you're still taking requests or not, but the latest fix on D. Wayne was 😍🥰. For part 2 can you add the prompts 11 from fluff, 6 from angst and 20 from neutral pretty please?🥺🥺

Pairing: Damian Wayne x fem!reader (age 16ish)

Prompts: Prompt list ☁︎11- “Hey hey hey, it’s ok i’m here. It’s just me ok, you’re safe.” ᜊ6- “I don’t care about you anymore.” “i’m starting to think you never did.” ⚛︎20-“Please be quite, i can’t even hear myself losing my will to live.”

Summary: After the fight you had with Damian things have been tense but sometimes bottling up your emotions only make things worse (i can’t do summary’s to save my life) enemies-to-lovers because i’m a sucker for that shit

Warnings: Blood, swearing, kinda character death i guess, Damian being a dick as always, angsty teens being angsty teens

A/n: this is a part 2 but you can find part 1 here once again this took waaaay to long to write literally i could not figure out what to do but whatever because i did it and i’m proud of myself for it (Masterlist)

Word count: 3k jeez these are getting longer

Tag list: @battlenix @pleasestophoney wow look at that multiple tags

Part 1

Love and War pt2

Spending spring break in Wayne manor had its ups and downs. Ups included a huge library in the south wing, delicious homemade meals every day, and the best water pressure you’d ever experienced. The downs included 8 hours of training daily, getting lost while trying to find a bathroom, and having to spend way too much time with your arch enemy.

Technically he's not your enemy. At least he’s not supposed to be. After the fight you had last week you couldn’t be sure. You’d had fights with Damian before but this felt different. Usually after a fight he'd sulk for a few hours but then it would go back to normal, but this time it didn’t go back to normal. Damian had been avoiding you for almost 8 days.

You knew the fight ended too soon and you both had more to say but if he was going to act like a child and ignore you then you weren't going to stop him. You still had to patrol with him but it was considerably quieter. The manor was big enough for the both of you and after a few days you'd figured out his schedule and how to get around him. Tim let you train with him, so as long as you stayed on your side of the gym and Damian stayed on his you didn't have to interact with him at all.

It wasn't until the 4th day of break that you had to talk to him. Bruce had to go meet with the league for the day so training ended early. You had a couple hours before dinner and decided reading would be the best use of that time. You walked down one of the many hallways lazily dragging your hand along the wall until you reached a door. You couldn't remember exactly where you were but you were about 75% sure there was a couch in this room, so you pushed the door open.

Inside you found tall ceilings paired with dark wallpaper, a tall window with the thin white curtains pushed out of the way, and a couch. Actually it was three couches but after 4 days staying here you'd gotten used to the large number of furniture that was there for no reason.

The couches formed a square with the open side facing the window lined wall. The first two couches were empty but when you stepped farther inside the room you saw someone sitting on the third one. Of course the one room you picked to go into also happened to be the one room Damian was sitting in. He looked up from his sketchbook and immediately frowned.

There were two options in front of you. You could back out of the room and leave him be but then you'd be backing down from something that might not even turn into a fight which made you seem weak so really you were left with only one choice. You straighten your back and closed the door behind you, officially leaving you in a room alone with Damian for the first time since the fight. You walked over to the couch facing the windows head on and sat down on the side farthest from him. He watched you the whole time but you paid him no attention, instead you simply opened your book and began reading.

You felt his eyes leave your form and you let out a quiet breath. You heard a page turn and a  pencil being dragged lightly across paper. It had been over a week but nothing seemed to be getting better between you and him. Patrols were a nightmare beforehand but now that he'd switched from constant criticism to almost no comments you found that you preferred the former.

Damian's pencil against the paper was the only sound in the room and yet the silence seemed so loud. You hated it. You hated having to avoid him all the time. You hated not being able to talk to him anymore. You hated how far away he felt even when he was right next to you. Above all you hated that you didn't hate him as much as you used to.

You never realized how much you talked to him until you didn't. It was a weird feeling to miss someone when you hadn't even known you cared about them. You honestly just wanted to apologize and let things get back to normal but as you sat there staring at your book you couldn't bring yourself to say anything.

After three to many nightmares where Damian got hurt, you finally realized how badly you needed him back. So you took a deep breath, swallowed your pride, opened your mouth, and prayed to god that something would come out.

"Look-"

"Damian-" you both spoke at the same time. "Sorry, you go first." You apologized.

"No you can go first." He replied almost nervously. That couldn't be right, he never got nervous.

"Uh I was just going to say, well i've been thinking lately,"

"You?" He asked sarcastically.

"Oh haha really funny. Will you just listen for a goddamn second." He was not making this easy. "I know we haven't been talking much ever since, well you know and uhh." You couldn't find the right way to word it. You were still too stubborn to outright apologize but you knew he would never say sorry unprompted. "You've just seemed... off, lately and if it has something to do with me-"

"It doesn't." He cut you off. "I'm not 'off' and even if I was you definitely wouldn't be the cause." His expression was blank but calculated.

"Well jeez you don't have to be so rude about it." You sneered back at him. "What were you trying to say anyway." So much for your apology.

"I've convinced father to change our partners." His voice was flat and he seemed bored with the conversation.

"You what?" You stood up. You couldn't believe he actually did that without talking to you first.

He stood up as well and was a few inches higher than you. "We don't work well together, you can't tell me you don't agree."

"I don't! We've been a great team! Remember the Penguin pen raid or Mr Freeze's death ray thingy." you exaggerated your point by waving our hands through the air. "We stopped those. Together. You can't just go around changing things without asking me first!" You were fuming.

"Sure I can! We only stopped those villains because of what I did, you just got in the way." he pointed at you.

Here we go again, the blame game. The endless cycle of 'he did this she did that'. You were so sick of it. "That's bullshit and you know it. I can hold my own on the field just as well as you can. And you know what! I don't even want to be your partner anymore."

"Neither do I! You can go play hero with someone else while I do all the real work. I never wanted you on the team in the first place!" He stared you down and if you weren't so fired up you'd probably be intimidated.

"God you're so annoying!” You threw your hands up in frustration. “You think you're so great and no one can even come close to you but in reality you're exactly like the rest of us!"

What were you doing? This wasn't what you wanted. You wanted to apologize and make things right but now here you were screaming at him again. You almost couldn't help it. Fighting him gave you a sort of rush that you craved. It was like a drug and you were addicted to the pain. You didn't want to fight him but it was the closest thing to a conversation you'd had in over a week and at this point it was enough to satisfy your need.

"I'm going to prove that i'm better than you. I'll do it on my own too!" You told him.

"Go ahead and try! You can do whatever you want because I don't care about you anymore."

You stepped back, stood as tall as you could without going on your tiptoes and took a breath. "I'm starting to think you never did." You said calmly, it seemed to catch him off guard and he didn't retaliate. You grabbed your book and turned towards the door. Dick was standing there, completely still and staring at you and Damian.

"Woah." He said awkwardly. He clearly didn't know how to handle the situation he'd just stumbled on.

You pushed past him and into the hallway. Tears were building up in the corners of your eyes so you had to move fast, the last thing you needed right now was for them to see you cry. 

Damian watched you walk out before turning around and groaning. "I can't believe her," he muttered to himself. "I'm starting to think you never did. That doesn't even make sense."

"Because... you do care about her?" Dick asked. It probably wasn't the best choice of words.

Damian looked back at him with an almost offended expression. "That's ridiculous! I don't care about her, that was basically the whole point of our conversation."

"Was that a conversation? The part of that 'conversation' I saw seemed more like her yelling at you and then you... yelling back." He stated the obvious.

"That was completely her fault," Damian defended. He seemed angry but it wasn't his usual kind. Usually it was directed at someone or something and usually that thing would get acquainted with his katana but this time he was mad at himself and he couldn't understand why. "I don't care about her." He repeated quietly almost trying to remind himself more than anything.

You spent the rest of the day hiding in the guest room. You planned on staying there forever and letting yourself fade out of existence but the universe had other plans. 3 hours, 5 episodes of your favorite show, and a nest made of blankets later you got a call from Tim asking you to come to the cave.

He didn't tell you why he needed you, he just said to meet him in the lower level of the cave so when you got there you were very surprised to find him and Damian standing in the hallway. You groaned internally and considered turning around and just walking away but Tim spotted you before you could. Damian's back was to you so he didn't know who it was until he turned around and you saw his face fall.

'Nice to see you too asshole' You thought to yourself, walking over to stand near him but still keeping your distance. "What did you need?" You asked, wanting to get out of there as soon as humanly possible. You kept your eyes ahead trying not to look at Damian and you had the feeling he was doing the same.

The entire mood of the dimly lit hallway had shifted from the moment you locked eyes with him and the tension was noticeable. Tim looked between the two of you before clearing his throat and bringing the attention back to him. "I actually don't need anything."

"So then why did you call telling me to come down here?" Damian asked, clearly annoyed that Tim was wasting his time.

Tim smirked in response and opened the door before Jason, who was behind you apparently, pushed you both into the room before either of you could react. You landed on top of Damian with a grunt. Once you realized you were on top of him you felt your cheeks turn red and you stood up quickly. You could have sworn you saw the slightest bit of a blush on him but you were too preoccupied with the now locked door to think about too much.

"Ok love birds here's the deal, you're petty hormone fueled fighting is driving us crazy and now we're doing something about it." Jason told you from the other side of the small glass window. "We said you were gonna lock you in a room until you figured out how to get along and now we're following through." he smirked.

"I swear to god if you lock me in this room with him,"  you motioned towards Damian, "I will drop kick you into the sun."

"If you let us out now maybe I won't kill you," Damian threatened alongside you.

"Maybe if you’d learned to talk to each other like normal people you wouldn’t be here in the first place," Tim said. "We'll be back after patrol so you've got about," he looked at his watchless wrist "4ish hours. Have fun." And with that they both walked away.

"DON'T YOU DARE WALK AWA- and they're gone. Dammit." You cursed and hit the steel door which hurt a lot more than you thought it would. "Shit," You shook your hand.

"Well that was just stupid," Damian scoffed at you, taking your hand to examine it. He always did that sort of thing on patrol so you didn't pull away or even really register what he was doing.

"Oh i'm sorry, is my frustration not smart enough for you?" you sneered back. "What even is this place anyway," You looked around the small dark room, determined to not look him in the eyes.

"A containment cell for metas, we haven't used it for a while so the power blockers are probably turned off." he told you before releasing your hand. "You definitely bruised it but you'll be fine."

You reluctantly thanked him and turned back to the door to see if you could get it open somehow. "Ok so how do we get out?"

"We don't."

You flipped around, surprised to hear him give up without even trying. "You're kidding right? There's gotta be some way out of here. We're superheros, a few walls can't hold us,” you exclaimed. “Can't you use those ninja skills you're so proud of and like... kick it down, or something?" You watched him walk to the back of the small cell and sit down on the floor.

"No," he replied simply. "This room was built to hold the most dangerous people in Gotham and I don't know if you've noticed but we don't have any of our gear." He glared at you and you rolled your eyes.

"So we're just supposed to wait here until they get back? We can't just sit here all night," You tried to convince him to do... anything really.

"Well if you're so keen on getting out then let's hear your genius plan," He leaned forward with all the smugness of billionaires son, daring you to say something.  "That's what I thought. Now will you please be quiet, I can't even hear myself losing my will to live."

"Fine whatever we'll just stay here in complete silence," You muttered sarcastically under your breath. Damian remained quiet as you started pacing back and forth but you could tell he was watching you.

After pacing for about 30 minutes you realized how tired you were from training so hard the past couple of days and sat down in the corner. You spent so much time over the last week worrying about Damian that you hadn't let yourself relax long enough to get any real rest. The little sleep you did manage to get mostly turned to nightmares.

At first you didn't even realize you were asleep. It all looked real enough except for the fact that you'd somehow been transported to a rooftop. You scanned your surroundings but everything was just slightly out of focus so you couldn't tell exactly where you were. When you turned around you saw him. Damian was there, and behind him was a shadowy sort of silhouette.

The shadow raised a knife and you realized what was happening. You tried to warn him, you tried to scream or yell or move but it was no use. The knife plunged into Damians back and you were helpless to stop it. You felt the pain he felt, you felt the blade slice through you. Finally you could move again but it was too late. The shadow disappeared but you didn't care about it, all you wanted to do was get to Damian. You ran forward but it was like running through water, your body moved in slow motion and you watched the blood start to pool underneath him.

Suddenly you were falling. Damian was gone, the roof was gone, everything was gone, it was just you and a black abyss trying to swallow you up. You screamed again but no noise came out, it was like all the air was being sucked from your lungs. It was silent and dark and empty nothingness until you saw a faint light. Then you heard something, your name being repeated, someone calling you and then you were pulled out of the void.

You shot up and gasped for air and frantically looked around but your eyes hadn't adjusted to the light yet. You heard a familiar soothing voice pulled you farther out of your trance.

"Hey hey hey, it's ok i'm here." The voice was calm and concerned at the same time. "It's just me ok, you're safe," Rough hands gently turned your head and the first thing you saw clearly was a pair of worried green eyes. You're breathing slowed and you're heart nearly skipped a beat.

Wrapping your arms around his chest you pulled him closer. He hesitated for a moment before folding you into his embrace. It was soft and delicate and it seemed like he was scared of holding you too tightly. Neither of you said anything else, you just sat there on the floor of a meta containment cell in each other's arms.

Time stood still and you finally admitted the truth to yourself. The real reason you hated Damian was because you loved him.

A/n: might fuck around and make a part 3 with the classic “because i love you!” confession scene

[hopeless-ro-simptic]

Familiar Cerulean Eyes Part 2

Not sure if that name is going to stick but it’s what I’ve got for now. Also thank you so much? The reactions I got for part one literally made me want to cry. I’ve never posted my writings because I didn’t think that I would get any kind of response. When we hit 7 notes in the first hour I was beyond ecstatic and I thought that that would be it. But 150 notes later and I couldn’t wait to post part 2. Let me know what y’all think of this. I don’t know if I will get a part 3 out as quickly but I do plan to work on it.  

Click here for full list of other parts. Part 3

Slow burn, no smut in this part but maybe a spicy moment. 

Taglist:  @skzero-99 @superblyspeedydragon @jparra4587 @flyingowls @emrysaaryn @imuziawi @sheedaabee @peculiarinsomniac

Word Count: Just over 3 k 

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Dabi had left you alone for long enough to go get food that you had already scoured his entire room, searching for any way to escape. You had learned that even though the window looked like it could open at some point, it had been sealed shut somehow and you didn’t have the strength to open it. Other than the window, there were two doors in the room. One leading to a small bathroom complete with a tub/shower combo, the other being the door that lead out of the room but was unfortunately locked when Dabi left.

As for the room itself, all it held was a queen sized bed, well really it was a mattress on top of a box spring, with holes in the blankets and sheets that looked like burn marks and a singular pillow that looked like he had owned it for years it was so flat. A dresser that was scarce in the amount of clothing it had in it, seemingly like majority of it was dirty in the corner on the floor next to but not in the torn up laundry hamper, almost all of it black or a shade resembling. The black chair that sat in the opposite corner of the bed that again looked like it had seen better days. Oh and a cigarette tray that was filled to the brim and a fan that was perched on top of his dresser pointing towards the bed. That was about it. The walls were bare other than scorch marks and burns here and there, the blinds were dusty, and the wooden floor was cold and scratched like it had been well worn for several years, burn marks from stray cigarettes being put out.

The Omega in you hated it, they wanted to start cleaning and organizing to find warm cozy things to build a comfort nest out of. The rational part of you saw it as what it was, a hideout for a villain. Not a place to get comfy in. Still you couldn’t sit here and wait. It was driving you nuts.

You had just finished picking up the discarded cigarettes on the floor into a nice neat pile on his dresser and was moving towards putting his dirty laundry into the hamper when Dabi returned. Cautiously opening the door to see what you were doing, he slipped in before shutting it and locking it behind him, takeout food in his hands.

“Look at you, being a perfect little housewife.” The smirk that was ever present on his face was bigger than normal and you immediately dropped the t-shirt that you had been staring at, turning and looking at him, your cheeks heating up at being caught.

He glanced at the bloodied shirt on the floor that was covered in soot and burn marks like the rest of his clothes and he shrugged, placing the food down on the counter before turning to you.

“Part of the job babe.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms and pulling in on your self again. You couldn’t help the fact that your omega blushed at the nickname. You had never been spoken to like that. Ever. Even given the context you couldn’t help but squirm.

The smell of food made you take a step towards him though. You were starving and looking at what he had brought had your mouth watering. He had two different ramen bowls and a rice bowl to go with it. It looked like heaven. Not to mention a whole bag of other snacks to eat as well. You grabbed a water bottle from the bag, forgetting just how thirsty you were as you quickly drank almost half of the bottle in one swoop, hungrily looking between all the food.

“Take your pick princess, I’ll eat whatever you don’t want.” He gave you space to choose through everything, electing to drop back into his chair on the other side of the room, picking up the shirt you had dropped and tossing it into the hamper like he had just learned a new trick.

You quickly choose your preferred out of the options of ramen, leaving the snack bag alone for later. You might need it. Choosing to sit on the floor, against the bed rather than the bed itself so that you had a sturdy surface to put your food, you internally thanked yourself for picking up all the cigarettes.

You could feel his eyes on you, but you refused to look up as you quietly ate the food. It was a couple minutes before he got up and grabbed his own food, choosing instead to sit on the floor next to you than to return to his chair. His legs spread out in front of him, showing you just how long they were, how much bigger than you he was.  Your mouth was watering from not just the food anymore, his scent enveloping you from being this close. You briefly thought that he was probably pumping it out more just to get a reaction from you, but you refused to show it. You weren’t going to play this alpha’s game. You just needed to keep a level head until you could escape. You were just going to ignore him, just enough to stay on his good side, but not to attract further attention from him. You could do that, you had been playing a similar game for years.

“So are you going to tell me your name..? Unless you just want me to keep calling you princess?” You accidentally dropped a rice ball into your ramen, the hot broth splashing onto your hand causing you to flinch at the burn.

Dabi let out a soft hum, setting down his bowl and taking yours away before you could even protest. He took your hand into his own, wiping off the broth gently with a clean napkin that he had gotten from the takeout bag and examining the burn. You couldn’t help but watch him, entranced but how gentle he was being. It was hard to connect the fact that this man, this alpha, was a known murderer. He killed people. He was a known League of Villains member, and yet here you were, letting him kiss your hand like he was a crowned prince in a fairy tale waiting to whisk you away to a better life, his cerulean eyes latched onto your own, a teasing expression.

Your face was redder than it has ever been in your life, yanking your hand away from his grasp, clutching it against your chest like he burned you. What were you thinking? Why was he getting under you skin so easily? Sure, you didn’t have a lot of experience with alphas other than the Todoroki’s, and those that visited the house, but none of them acted like this! You scooted away from the alpha, trying to block the scent of him from your brain, trying to calm down. You weren’t sure why you were so flustered but you needed to breathe to get out of this situation and fast.

“C-can I take a shower?” You weren’t sure why you even asked. Maybe you were scared he wouldn’t let you or that he would try to follow you into the bathroom. But neither fear was necessary as he nodded his head towards the bathroom door, his eyes watching your every movement like a wild cat, a deep chuckle reverberating through the air.

“Do you want me to join you?”

“No thanks!” You jumped up and threw yourself into the bathroom, closing the door behind you and leaning against it, trying to calm yourself. You turned around, locking the bathroom door, hearing the alpha shuffle on the other side of it. He didn’t try the door knob though and you relaxed slightly, turning towards the rest of the bathroom you turned on the shower faucet, hesitating only a minute before stripping out of your soot covered clothes that you are noticing were definitely ruined.

You stepped into the shower, pulling closed the curtain just enough to not get water on the floor but enough that you could see the door still just in case. The only soap in the shower was a cheap alpha brand. You didn’t care at this point though. You just needed to be clean after everything that has happened. Maybe you could pretend it was Shoto or some other alpha that you were going to smell like. Maybe.. just maybe you could pretend it was Touya’s scent.

You huffed at your own stupidity. Why do you always think of him when you’re upset? He can’t just magically save you. He isn’t coming back. You don’t come back from that. You felt yourself slip down into a seated position, pulling your knees to your chest, your eyes going fuzzy as you tried to blink through the tears that suddenly threatened to spill out.

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“Y/N! Touya! Get back here!” You giggled as you heard Fuyumi’s voice ring out behind you, Touya’s bandaged fingers wrapped around your wrist pulling you behind him as he ran, his laughter spilling out. It was a Saturday, Endevor had patrol and instead of working on his training, Touya had decided to steal you away from his younger sister’s grasp.

The two of you had ran all the way through the garden in the back of the house, and hid behind a cluster of cherry blossom trees that were in full bloom. At the time you think you must have been 11 or so, him just a little bit older. He had pulled you down beside him onto the grass and covered your mouth with his hand to hid your giggles, holding a finger up to signal you to be quiet. You could hear Fuyumi run by, calling out your names searching for you both. Grumbling how it wasn’t fair that he took you while you were both playing princesses.

He finally let go of your face, a smile crossing his own as he looked at you’re winded, excited expression. He couldn’t help himself when he leaned over and kissed your cheek, just to see you blush.

“Touya!” You covered your face with your hands, feeling your cheeks glow red.

“What? Aren’t princes supposed to kiss the princess? Isn’t that the whole point? To bond with a pretty princess?”

“You think I’m pretty?” You couldn’t help but look up into his eyes, they were the prettiest things you had ever seen. The color of turquoise, perfect gem stones.

“I think you’re the prettiest.”  

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“Princess? Are you okay?” You heard a soft knock on the bathroom, barely audible over the sound of the water streaming down onto your body. You realized your scent had gone sour, the sadness creeping in without your permission. You needed to keep a lid on things. You turned off the water, and grabbed what seemed to be a clean towel, wrapping yourself in it, grabbing your dirty and tattered clothes to put them on.

“I put clean clothes outside the door if you want them.” Pausing, you frowned. Clean clothes would be nice. You hated being dirty. You took a deep breath, unlocking the door and waiting a second before opening it just enough to quickly grab the clothes before shutting it again, looking at what was offered.

A pair of grey sweats and a black hoodie, very similar to what he was wearing. Cautiously you took a whiff of the clothes, relaxing when you mostly smelled the laundry detergent over his scent. You didn’t want to be scented by him more than necessary. Just in case Shoto tracked you down. You wanted him to be able to recognize you. Not that this scent proof room would allow it.

You already smelled like the alpha’s soap though, quipped your Omega, and it smelled good.

You slipped the clothes on, ignoring your omega, all of it being way too baggy on you, especially the sweatpants, which you rolled up at the bottom so not to trip. The tie to tighten them around your waist was missing and you were pretty sure you were going to have to hold them up. Frowning at your clothes on the floor, even your bra and panties had been ruined. You didn’t know what to do with them, so you scooped them up in your arms and shuffled out of the bathroom, hugging them lightly.

You heard a low whistle and saw Dabi laying with his back on the bed, messing with a phone he held above him that you assumed was a burner, the mess from your meal was cleaned up and nowhere to be found, save for the bag of snacks that you had left. One of his legs bent and with his foot on the floor, the other up on the mattress.  His eyes had abandoned the screen in front of him and were trained on your swallowed form in his clothes. He couldn’t help but think how good you looked wearing his stuff, and after taking a whiff of the air he appreciated the fact that you smelled somewhat like him now, and not like that Todoroki brat. He made a mental note that you didn’t need your own clothes. You could just wear his all the time. Other than the fact that you looked uncomfortable holding up the sweat pants with one hand.

You fumbled with the bundle of clothes in your arms looking around the room for a place to settle. You wanted to curl up in bed and sleep until this was all over. But he was in the bed..

“Just toss your clothes in with mine, I’ll take care of them later.”

“No.” You were tired, you no longer wanted to deal with this alpha. You just wanted a nap, and a nest made out of your own things.

His eye brows lifted a look of intrigue settling across his expression. He sat up, eyes watching you. “No?”

You squirmed under his gaze, considering retreating to the bathroom where you could at least lock the door and be alone, but the bathroom was so small that if you wanted to lay down you would have to be in the bathtub. Which was already wet. You stood there awkwardly trying to decide which of the two you wanted to deal with more, a flirty psychotic killer, or a wet bathtub nest.

“Come here” Apparently the flirty psychotic killer won that one as before you even noticed it you were standing in front of him, him still sitting on the bed, both his feet on the ground now, legs spread to accommodate you, surrounded in his scent. Something about him had your omega waging her tail practically begging you to do things you would never even consider.

He reached his hand up like he was going to grab your face causing you to flinch, but instead his hand gripped one side of the pull tie for the hoodie, wrapping it around his wrist before yanking it harshly, pulling you forward against him slightly and pulling the tie all the way out of the hood. 

You reached up and pressed your hands onto his shoulders, dropping your bundle of clothes to the floor, to brace yourself, his eyes lighting up with amusement at your reaction. You wanted to pull away, but your omega refused. You were a deer trapped in headlights.  

His lidded eyes stayed on yours as his right hand that was holding the tie, slowly drifted down your body, his left sneaking out and gripping your hip to hold you in place. His right hand finally reached your hip, curving around the front of you, removing the waistband from your grasp causing your face to turn bright red, only for him to slip the end of the tie into the hold of the waistband, slowly sneaking his fingers around your waist, feeding the tie through, until finally it poked out the other hole in the front. He returned his left hand to your hip, his right gripping both ends of the tie, pausing to smirk widely at you, flashing his tongue ring before yanking harshly, pulling the waistband tight around your waist and effectively pulling you flush against him at the hip, nose to nose, your face tilted down just slightly too match eyes with him.

His scent was intoxicating. You were completely enveloped in it, and your omega was begging for him to scent you so it never left. And he was waiting for you to ask him oh so patiently. He could smell what he was doing to you, making him laugh internally that he was going to get his way quicker than he thought. Your omega reasoned that he was a strong and capable alpha. He had been nothing but nice to you since you woke up and he wasn’t forcing himself onto you like most of the alphas you had meet previously. He was being so kind and gentle and he smelled so damn good. Why can’t you just…

Because he’s a murderer? He kidnapped you? You have an Alpha? Oh and he’s a murderer!

You pulled yourself out of his grasp, releasing a breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. Taking the tie out of his hand, he let the rope slide through his fingers, not making a move to stop you from leaving his presence, knowing that you would be back. You turned away, tying it into a bow snuggly against your waist so that the sweat pants stayed up on their own now. You took several calming deep breathes, trying to get your brain back in order. Not noticing when he reached down and snatched your panties off the floor, stuffing them into his pocket for later.

“Y/N” You barely whispered out. Your omega was still reaching out to him, trying to push you back into his arms. But you wouldn’t listen. Your brain was frazzled and you felt like the world was spinning.

“Hmm?” The soft hum behind you, made you shiver, wondering if he was going to reach out and touch you again. You wanted him to. God you wanted him to. He didn’t though. Just leaned back on the bed, using his hands to prop himself up, enjoying the view of your  backside as the inner turmoil raged in your head.

You snapped yourself out of it, clenching your fists as you crossed the room to the chair in the corner, curling up on it deciding it was as good a place as any to sleep. A soft mumble leaving your lips once more as you pulled the hood up and over your face, covering it completely from his sight other than the tip of your nose peaking out like a little mouse, the red of your blush noticeable from across the room. “My name… it’s Y/N.”  

[thelarriefics]

HOLIDAY FIC REC, PART IV: Below you’ll find more fics that have to do with the holiday season. 

📖 (I'm Dreaming of a) One Night Inn by @lululawrence (54k)

When everything Louis had planned for his life falls through, and on his birthday no less, he's left with no other option but to regroup and start over again. The road of life isn't always straight and it certainly isn't always easy, but sometimes it's those twists and turns that find you your closest friends and—if you're really lucky—the love of your life.

Louis just happens to be very lucky.

A Holiday Inn AU.

📖 Baby, Won't You Look My Way? by @peachbootylouis (50k)

Louis tiptoed to the door and opened it, looking over his shoulder for a moment. Harry looked absolutely gorgeous, almost enough to make him strip back down and give it another go. But that wasn’t who Louis was. So he sighed and stepped outside, leaving back to his flat. And for the first time in years, he felt alive.

Or the where Louis’ routine centered life runs like clockwork until a chance hook up throws a wrench named Harry into it all. But as it may turn out a change in plans could be what Louis has needed all along.

📖 Ideal: An Advent Fic by @iamasphodelknox (40k)

All Louis wanted was some god-damned time to write his novel. He didn’t expect to move his and Liam’s entire production of a Christmas variety show to a small inn in Vermont just before the holidays. He didn’t expect to save Niall’s inn. He didn’t expect Liam to fall in love. He definitely didn’t expect to fall in love himself. And he certainly didn’t expect it all to feel so much like a Christmas movie.

Oh hell. There’s a lot of things Louis didn’t expect.

A White Christmas au, complete with drama, fluff, choreographed dance numbers, and idiotic boys falling in love. Just your typical Christmas fun.

📖 The Happiest Season by @sadaveniren (37k)

“You’re going to spend Christmas - and your birthday - with his homophobic WASP parents? That’s gonna be hell.”

Louis closed his eyes in frustration. “It was either that or be apart and I don’t think that’s gonna be good for either of us this year, you know?”

A fic loosely based on Happiest Season but make it ... different

📖 maybe this christmas by @nobodymoves (34k)

Harry lives next door to Louis and babysits his daughter. He might be hopelessly in love with Louis and desperate to be part of his little family, but he’s ignoring that in favour of trying to make Louis’s busy life as easy as possible. When he finds out Louis and his daughter don’t believe in Santa - someone who is universally considered a real person - he makes it his mission to convince them. Along the way he takes in a man who may or may not actually be Santa, and everyone’s Christmas wishes might come true.

A Miracle on 34th Street AU.

📖 Retiens la nuit by @teamlouis2020 (26k)

Everything is too much for Harry. His exboyfriend, his job, his whole life actually. Flying across the globe to find a quiet place for Christmas holidays is exactly what he needs. Among a warm cottage and snow-covered fields, he doesn't expect to come across Louis, the beautiful stranger that stumbled into his house one night. Love isn't supposed to find a way to his heart, but Christmas has its magic tricks, hasn't it?

📖 Neither Wine Nor Dine by @brightgolden (25k)

With Louis’ fringe taking up half of his forehead and eyes crinkling at the side with how wide he grins just by looking at their Christmas tree, he looked so much like the 19 year old boy Harry met in the living room of his shared two-bedroom apartment years ago.

It's too bad that Harry doesn't get to see it often.

OR

Where Harry is too busy travelling the world and Louis is home during Christmas.

📖 Baby, You're On My List by @chloehl10 (17k)

Harry takes his niece to see Father Christmas, but he doesn't count on meeting the cutest Christmas elf. Taken by the handsome stranger, Harry decides to recruit as many children as he can so he can see him again, and again, and again...

📖 The fic where Harry calls Louis an idiot for ten days straight because he is one. by @mercurial-madhouse (16k)

They’ve found the perfect get away from their busy lives as nationally-famous footie player and well-respected restaurant critic, escaping to the isolation of a cabin in the woods where they can simply be Louis and Harry.

If only both were actually here.

A gift forgotten in London, the untameable force of the weather, and the scent of burnt snickerdoodle biscuits find Harry and Clifford pitifully alone and Louis... Where is Louis?

📖 Unwrap My Heart by @larryficwriter (15k)

Harry is flabbergasted, that much is clear. He also looks emotional, understandably. A little excited shiver runs through Louis’ body because this is just the beginning.

“Harry,” Louis begins as soon as the song is over. “This begins 12 Days of presents that I have planned for you. Each day you’ll get another present from me that will hopefully show you that you mean the world to me.”

or, the 12 Days of Christmas: Larry Edition

📖 The Ideal Flatmate by @larryyouknow (12k)

Louis shares his flat with the ideal flatmate (or I-F as he often nicknames him). Harry is a bit younger and a bit taller than him. He’s polite and there is nothing to complain about. Harry rarely brings someone over, he isn’t loud, he eats at the table and when he uses the shared area for his crafting projects he always tidies after himself. Harry doesn’t bother Louis and he pays his share in time.

The ideal flatmate.

The only problem is: Harry hates Louis. This will be very lovely Christmas.

📖 Fine Lines by @harrystinysantashorts (11k)

The short story is there are two little, white sticks sitting on the bathroom counter with two little, pink lines on both of them. The long story is that that’s never happened before.

or, Harry gets the surprise of a lifetime and decides it’ll be the perfect Christmas present.

📖 Run to Me Through The White Night by @mizzhydes (8k)

A horrid last-minute shopping trip amidst a mass of teenage girls and their parents was not what Louis was hoping to get roped into two days before Christmas.

The day started out dreadfully, but fate had something different in store for Louis that day. A chance encounter between a famous pop star and an everyday lad, gave way to an evening that neither of them would ever forget.

📖 In Search of the Perfect Tree by @beanno28 (5k)

Harry and Louis work together at Home Depot and are also in a long term relationship. Harry is getting ready to get the store ready for the holiday season. When Louis decides he wants in on the action and their coworkers plan a tree off. Who wins and who loses? What happens when Harry has a secret up his sleeve?

📖 may your every wish come true by @cocoalou (4k)

“Harry, right? Harry Styles?”

Harry’s insides are screaming.

“Uh. Yes. Louis Tomlinson, yeah?” he replies, trying desperately to keep the manic smile off his face that he knows is already making an appearance because Louis remembers him (!!!!!), little ole Harry Styles; two years below, nerdy as all hell, and his friend’s dorky, younger brother.

Harry and Louis reconnect during the Holidays, it's kind of fate.

[nervousladytraveler]

Another wee bit from Duty (Chapter 3? 4?)

---

A single drop of water dripped from the crack in the ceiling, hit Demelza’s cheek, then rolled onto her pillow. At first she thought it was a tear--her own--then realised it was a leak coming from the flat above.

Now wasn’t exactly the proper time for any tenant to be asking any landlord for repairs. They all felt lucky each time they woke to find their buildings still standing; the growing piles of rubble in the city reminded them every day of this good fortune.

Ross hadn’t noticed the leak, but then again he didn’t visit her flat for the ambiance and decor. She made a mental note to shift her bed closer to the other wall after he left later that night.

“We haven't spoken of plans,” Ross said suddenly. He’d been so quiet she’d thought he was asleep. Now it seemed he’d just been lost in thought or trying to find the right words for whatever it was he had to say.

“Plans?” she said and sat up slightly. Of course she knew exactly what he was referring to.

“What’s to come next. As much as I enjoy my nights with you, and want nothing more than to enjoy the present, each moment, we can’t ignore it anymore…” he said.

“I know,” she said softly, “and believe me, I’ve found it rather impossible to ignore.”

“Have you been that sick?” he asked and laid his hand on her arm. It was both a protective gesture and also his go-to defensive move, when in truth there was nothing he could do for her.

“Not always. It hasn't been morning for me but early afternoon,” she explained.

Recently there had been bad headaches as well. She’d see floaters then vibrant lightning flashes at the edges of her vision, before it would all go black--just for a moment. Unlike the nightly blackouts enforced by the ARP wardens, her blackouts never lasted long. But they scared her nonetheless, especially when they occurred at work or on the street. She hadn’t told Ross about them, and suspected they were merely the result of not eating much. In time they’d surely pass.

“Do you want to be rid of it?” It was a bald question, but one she’d anticipated. Another drop from the crack fell on her face--this time she wiped it away.

“Do you mean…?” she asked. She knew exactly what he meant.

“Yes,” he said simply then exhaled. He was so used to smoking during difficult conversations that often his breathing followed the same patterns, even if he didn’t have a cigarette in hand.

“Is that what you want? Would that be easiest for you?” she asked.

“It wouldn't be easy for you, and not necessarily safe even with the best of doctors…” he said. The hand on her arm tightened yet again. “And no, I don't want that. But I can make arrangements, if that's what you…”

“No, Ross. That's not what I want either.” It wasn’t really something she could put into words but nothing made much sense to her these days.

“I had another idea, speaking of arrangements,” he said, and sat up so he was level with her. “What if we got you a spot on an evacuee train... to the countryside?”

“The countryside?”

“You'd be safe--both of you--and it could be rather anonymous. You wouldn't have to explain the details of your circumstances to anyone once you were there,” he continued.

“And then you wouldn't either,” she laughed.

“Yes, well that's not my driving motivation.”

“But Ross, to evacuate? Where would I even go exactly?”

“My family has an old farm with a house. In Cornwall. You could go there,” he said.

“Cornwall? Isn't that where your wife is now? Are you proposing I go live with her?” Of course she didn't believe that. He’d clearly given this some thought.

“No, she’s with her parents. Their estate is miles away from my farm,” he said quickly. “You’d have your privacy…”

“Privacy? Is that code for ‘all alone’?”

“I could engage a servant so you wouldn't be by yourself. That way you’d have help as things progress…” He put his hand on her belly which still showed no signs of thickening.

“The stoutness will come, Ross. Don’t fret,” she laughed lightly. “But tell me, don’t most evacuees become the servants?”

“Some but not all. Not you. And then…”

“Yes?” she asked.

“Then, when I can, I’ll come and…”

“And?”

“We’ll be together. Stay together. Raise our child together.” He put his lips to her forehead.

“In Cornwall?” she asked but closed her eyes and allowed the thought to grow in her mind.

“Yes, I’m done with London. It's no good for a child.”

“Neither is a war, Ross.”

“That won’t last forever, Demelza. It can’t,” he sighed.

“It won't if we lose…”

“We won't. And when I get my divorce, we can…” he went on.

“Don't say it, Ross,” she said, and put a hand to his stubbly cheek. She knew he’d shave it close before he went into the office tomorrow but she liked the growth that crept over him in the hours he lay in her bed. It seemed a secret part of him.

And after all, secrets were their stock and trade.

“Don't make too many promises,” she whispered. “Especially not ones out of your hands. You can't win this war and you can’t be sure Elizabeth will agree to your terms. Just one promise at a time.“

“Okay, one promise at a time.”

“Tell me, how can you even get me on that list?” she asked. Her mind was not letting this idea go. “That whole operation is for children and those women with children or who are expecting children. They’d need my real name--these committees aren’t mucking about with false identifications--but in order to be eligible, I’d have to reveal my circumstances--that I’m actually expecting, and then that might be embarrassing for us--at least for you. And if I’m not married, might I not even qualify? I don't think they are keen on shipping out all of London’s ‘unlucky’ girls who just happened to find themselves in the family way.”

“You’re correct, you'd have to be upfront about the child. And to explain that would be a complication. We wouldn't have to name me as father--not yet--but I’ll see what our options are. I have a...man...I can talk to,” Ross replied.

“You aren't exactly filling me with confidence when you put it like that,” she laughed.

“Which part?”

“Your man…”

“The less you know about that the better.” Another secret. “But the other part…”

“Yes?”

“When the time comes, you will name me as father. You can rely on that,” Ross said and pulled her into his arms.

“As long as you stay alive,” Demelza said.

[undyingskies]

Remember The Mornings

request: no 

A/N: Hi everyone, so I actually really love this one and am super happy with it even though it is shorter than I initially planned it to be. It was based off the song remember the mornings by Clinton Kane. First off 100% recommend any music by Clinton Kane! I don't know why I wanted to write this so bad, I think I almost wanted to hurt my own emotions with this! With that being said I really really hope you guys enjoy this one, I am thinking of making it into 2 parts! I already have an idea for a second part and would love to do it so please let me know what you think!

Warnings: none 

____________________________________________________

It’s been 7 days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes and the ache in your heart has not let up. Not even once.

It seemed like no matter how many days passed that you spent locked up in your room, buried under your sheets, and letting the tears flow from your eyes, the pain just never subsided.

The rain slapping against your window loudly helps calm you down a little bit. The weather representing your mood. Days like this used to be your favorite, but now it just seemed like a reminder of happier days.

Rain has and always will be your favorite. The sound of it hitting your windows always brought you calmness, the coldness always letting you lock yourself up, wrapped in blankets for the day, and the smell of rain on the concrete was always your favorite.

Then it became Owen’s too. Your two schedules always kept you busy, always the opposite of one another, so rainy days were always your days. The two of you would cuddle up on your couch, wrapped up in blankets, watching whatever movie the two of you chose, and a mountain of your favorite snacks and sweets.

Except here you are now, tears and heart ache taking up your favorite kind of day. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. A day that was your favorite wasn’t supposed to hurt this much, you were supposed to be cuddled up with Owen, not cradled into a ball, crying.

You can’t stop the rain from falling or the feeling of missing him there. You wish you could.

It’s almost as if he knew you were thinking of him, as if on cue your phone started ringing. The familiar tune, that Owen picked out for himself, was ringing all throughout your room.

You hesitated, your hand hovering over your phone, as you weighed your options of picking it up or letting it go to voicemail. The two of you haven’t spoken since the breakup. With a deep breath in you pick up the phone.

It’s silent at first, the both of you shocked that you picked the phone up. That’s when you hear him. “Hi,” he breaths out.

“Hi.” You say back to him, not really knowing what to say or where to start the conversation.

“I’ve been trying so hard to come up with an excuse not to call you tonight,” he rushes out, “but I couldn’t come up with one.”

You didn’t say anything. He just continued,

“I’ve been remembering the mornings, where we’d forget about the times. Where it was just you and I. I can’t fight the feeling of miss you here.” He admits to you.

A new wave of tears hits you and flows from your eyes just as fast. Those were words you were dying to here. But you couldn’t just forgive him like that.

“I have been too. I remember that and then the day in your car, when you told me you were falling deep and that you loved me.” You told him, “but then... then you closed the door on me, O.”

You hear him sigh at your words. He knew you were right. He had admitted to you his feelings just a little over two months ago, it was something he was nervous about but felt like he had to do. Your heart had swelled at his words, letting you know he felt the same way as you, causing you too admit the same.

Then something changed, it was as if his confession changed his feelings for you. He started leaving you out of things, ignoring your calls and texts, and all together just put less time and effort into your relationship.

You thought it was something you said or did, but really his own confession scared him and it scared him that you felt the same way. He felt too young to have such strong emotions for someone, so he started to close himself off.

You told him, practically begged him to let you in, tell you what was happening. You told him you couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who kept you at an arm’s length away. There needed to be a change for the relationship to work, and it never came. So, you had to end things.

That’s how you ended up here, tears slipping from the both of you. The silence taking over the both of you again.

“I just needed to hear your voice Y/N; I miss you.” He confesses to you after a long silence.

You sigh at his words, “I miss you too O.” Another silence.

“You know you’re all that I want right?” He asks you. More tears slip from your eyes. Words you had dreamed of hearing over the last month, but it was too late now. His words felt like empty promises.

“I can’t do this; I can’t keep hoping that you’re going to run to me on your own. It’s breaking me apart.” You tell him, déjà vu hitting you at your words.

“I know...I know, I’m sorry.” You listen to him shuffle around and what sounds like a door closing. You don’t think twice about it though, your conscious side getting to you, letting you know that this isn’t okay.

“You shouldn’t have called. I have to go.” You say just as quickly as you hang up, not letting him get another word out.

You’re hit with flashbacks from a week ago, of the fight that ended it all.

You and Owen had been arguing all day, at some point both of you forgot about what started it. Neither of you let up though. It just kept escalating.  

“I can’t keep doing this O! You keep ignoring the way that I explain that you don’t even try!” You yell out. “ It’s not fair to me.”

“It’s not fair to you? Really Y/N? You don’t think your constant nagging at me to change is fair to me? Shouldn’t you like me for who I am?” He yells back. Tears start to slip from your eyes.

“Owen, I do like you for you who are, I love you for you who are! But you’re breaking me apart here.” You tell him.

He just looks at you, both of you defeated.

“I can’t stop you from hurting everything that I am inside O. I can’t and that’s why this has to end. You have to go.”

Your confession causes a heavy silence to fall over the both of you. He doesn’t say anything, he just looks at you. Then he’s gone, he left without another word. He didn’t even try; you had thought to yourself.

The more you think about that night, the more you cry and cry. All you had ever wanted was him to run to you, without you having to tell him. You wanted him to want you, and love you, like he once said he did, like he once showed you he did. But it had stopped and you couldn’t fight for it anymore.

A knock shakes you out of your thoughts. You thought you maybe you were just hearing things, but then there was another knock. Then another, then another, and then another. At that point you were up on your feet and making your way towards your front door.

Why someone was knocking on your door at 8 o’clock at night while it’s pouring rain outside was beyond you.

You’re ripping the door open before even checking the peep hole out of frustration. You just wanted to be left alone. You weren’t expecting to see the man standing in front of your door.

You’re standing there shocked, face to face with Owen, neither of you say a word. Owen’s hair was flat against his head due to the rain that was pouring, his cheeks and nose were pink, and his eyes swollen.

A gust of wind blows through your door, causing you to shiver. You pull the blanket around you tighter, hoping to hide yourself from Owen’s gaze. You try to wipe any tears from your face and clear your throat to talk, he beats you too it.

“My heart hurts a little more when I look in your eyes, I forgot about that.” He whispers to you.

His words make your heart clench, but this wasn’t a conversation you were ready to have. You move to close your front door without another word. He can’t keep breaking you apart.

[sgtbradfords]

I just had an idea and I don’t think anyone wrote about it yet 🙈

SE2E12 when Lucy takes down that guy at the speed dating place

Any chance you would write something on that?

Lucy shutting down, nayla and Harper not being able to help her and having to call Tim to come and help

This turned out really cute and I am kinda happy with how it turned out... I hope you enjoy anon! :)

Lucy Chen thought they would be going to a bar or a club for her first girl’s night out with Nyla Harper and Angela Lopez. But no, what the two officers had planned was so much worse.

Speed dating.

As soon as she read the white words on the hideous pink sign, her fight or flight response kicked in. She wanted to run but knowing her two friends, they would never allow that. She tried talking her way out of it, didn’t work. So, she took the only option left, being to rope them into their own scheme.

‘Trust your judgement.’ They said. ‘Control the environment.’

‘Bullshit.’ Lucy thought as she took a seat, a sip of liquid courage coursing through her veins.

The night had started off decent, easily picking out the creeps to be vague to and actively ignoring the weirdos who sent a shiver down her spine. Though, she was not much better, as she came off a little too forward with the men that sat down in the seat across from her.

The buzzer sounded, announcing the end of the night as she and the last prospect, Isaiah stood. He told her he had a good evening, to which she off-handedly agreed. She heard him before she could see him as he reached out, pulling at the loose thread on her sweater.

She reacted instantly, his hands were moving towards her and all she could think about was the last time a set of unwanted hands approached her.

Lucy had him on the floor with his hands secured behind his back in eight seconds flat, Nyla and Angela running over when Lucy laid him out.

“Hey.” Nyla told her placing a hand on her shoulder, bringing her out of her daze. “You’re ok. It’s alright.”

She could hear the shrieks of people being startled around her, Angela’s voice foggy as she spoke to the man she just laid out. Her breathing increased rapidly, adrenaline coursing through her veins as her heart pounded in her chest.

Lucy never heard the question that Nyla was asking as she pulled out of the hold the other woman had on her arm. Her body moved on it’s own accord, her feet carrying her quickly, returning her to the car she had vacated not even an hour earlier, pulling on the handle of the car, sitting down in the passenger seat before she hit the automatic lock button, locking the doors.

“Hey, Chen?” said Nyla as she knocked on the window.

Lucy took a shaky breath to steady herself, focusing on grounding her mind.

“Lucy?” Angela asked as she pulled on the handle of the locked door, hitting the button of her car, unlocking it.

Lucy’s right hand hovered over the switch panel, pressing the button to lock the doors back.

Angela hit it again, only for the occupant of the vehicle to lock it back.

“Seriously. What do we do?” she asked looking over the top of the vehicle.

Nyla pulled out her phone, her thumb scrolling on the screen before pressing the glass, moving the phone to her ear. “Hey. You busy? Yes, I know you’re off duty. We’ve kinda got a situation. I mean kinda like you’ll find out when you get here. We’re in the pay by the hour parking lot on 42nd street. You can’t miss us.” She said before ending the call, placing the phone back into the back pocket of her jeans. “Well, this has been an experience.”

“He on his way?”

Nyla nodded, leaning back on the car. “Relax, she’s not going to budge.”

Angela glanced into the car, standing between the car and the one next to it, keeping an eye on the woman sitting in the passenger seat.

“You meet anyone interesting?”

Nyla snorted, telling Angela about the guy who got up and ran from the table holding a hand to his mouth, and the one she thoroughly grossed out, telling her the stories she had told them.

“What about you?” Angela had just asked when a familiar truck pulled in off the road.

Tim Bradford pulled his truck into the parking lot, stopping at the automated machine to pay for parking, grabbing his ticket before pulling up behind the car he knew all too well. He put the vehicle in park, pressing the button to roll down the passenger side window. “I’m not going to be your DD Harper.”

Nyla walked over to the truck, resting her arms on the sill of the window. “We may have done something stupid.”

“Define stupid.”

Angela walked over, joining Nyla as she looked at the driver guiltily. “I may have pushed Lucy too hard.”

Tim’s face dropped, concern quickly taking over before he could mask the emotion. “What did you do?” he asked as he unbuckled, opening the door of the truck.

Angela shared a look with Nyla, “We may have gone speed dating.”

Tim stared her as he rounded the truck. “You what?”

“She agreed, after some encouragement and bribing.”

“Speed dating.” Tim said as he ran a hand over his face. “What happened?”

“She had a loose string on her shirt and one of the imbeciles tried to pull it without telling her.” Nyla began telling him.

“Then she laid him out. It was impressive really.”

“Not the point Angela. Listen, we tried to calm her down, but she ran out of there and locked herself in the car.”

Sighing Tim moved towards the driver’s side of the car. “Unlock the car.”

Angela hit the button, Tim opening the door simultaneously, getting in behind the wheel before he pulled the door close.

Lucy stared ahead as the vehicle shook, her training officer sliding into the seat next to her, his chest against the steering wheel as his left-hand moved to his side, fumbling with the buttons on the side of the seat.

“How the hell does Ang drive like this?” he grumbled as the seat began sliding all the way back, his long legs slowly unfolding. “So, what happened boot?”

Lucy held a hand to her face, her elbow resting in-between the glass of the window and the door as she continued staring ahead, watching the things moving around the outside world of the vehicle.

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet.”

“Are you here as my boss or as my friend?” She asked, moving her hand down from her face as she began to wring her fingers.

Tim thought for a second, hesitating before answering. “Friend.” They were friends and they were coworkers but somehow, they were also more than that, their working chemistry setting the base of their friendship outside the four sides of the shop.

“I thought I was ready.” She sighed.

“For?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Something more.”

Tim nodded. “It’s only been two months boot. Your recovery isn’t something that will fix itself overnight.”

Lucy somberly let out a lone laugh. “Like hell it will! I’m tired Tim. I’m tired of the pity, I’m tired of the looks, tired of it all. I just want to put it behind me, live a normal life.”

“I know.” He whispered. “But neither one of us has a time machine Chen.”

“Tim, it wasn’t-“

“Don’t. Don’t say it wasn’t my fault. I’m the one who- I almost lost you Lucy.” He told her, his voice cracking at the admission.

“We talked about this the other night. What happened was neither here nor there and both of us are going to have to move on from it sooner or later.”

Tim knew that his rookie was growing restless, the outcome of those twenty-four hours still eating away at her. “I think… what you need, is to find an outlet.”

“An outlet.” She stated, turning her head to face him.

“Something that takes the stress off, where your thoughts disappear and I don’t mean paintball, something a little more strenuous.”

Lucy snorted, rolling her eyes. “Isn’t that what sex is for?”

“That’s not a healthy outlet.”

“And what, Officer Bradford, is your healthy outlet?”

“I have a few, one of them being running.” He told her shrugging. “I try, every day, to run. In the morning, in the evening, doesn’t matter. If you hold onto the shit that we see on the job, you’re going to implode.”

She nodded. “So, what would you suggest?”

“Everyone’s different, you just have to find something that works for you.”

Lucy mulled over his words, silence enveloping the car before she took the opportunity to speak. “Thank you.”

“I would say anytime Chen but you’re making me miss Thursday night football.”

Lucy shoved his shoulder. “I’m sorry for ruining your Thursday with my insecurities.”

Tim flashed her a smile. “We all have our days boot. I do have to say that I wouldn’t mind seeing the video of you putting this guy in his place though.”

“What, so you can critique me?”

“No, so I can see you laying this guy out on his ass.” He said with pride in his voice. “Then critique you.”

A knock sounded on the driver side window. “If you two are done with whatever this is,” Angela said, gesturing between the two “we would like to get out of here.”

“Find an outlet boot.” He said as he pulled the handle of the door, his tall frame exiting the car. “You three text me when you get home.”

“Awwwe look Ang, I think he’s worried.” Nyla teased as Tim walked back towards his waiting truck, the man raising his right hand up the air as he flashed his middle finger.

It took several days and shifts to find what he was talking about, but as she wrapped her hands in tape, a bag of sand hanging in front of her, she took the advice given to her to heart. Lucy couldn’t help the smile that overtook her as she replayed the conversation that followed the disaster that was the other night as she began hitting the swaying bag. ‘Find an outlet boot.’

“Bring your elbow up.” A voice spoke from a few feet behind her causing her to jump.

“Giving boxing advice now are we Officer Bradford?”

Tim shrugged off the bag on his shoulder, letting it fall to the ground. “No but, I would rather you hit the bag properly than have a bummed wrist tomorrow and us get into a shootout.”

Lucy jabbed the bag. “Sounds like advice to me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Do you want my help or not?”

She stopped the swaying bag, grasping it with both hands. “Fine.”

Tim stepped closer, moving into her line of sight as he stood next to the bag. He began critiquing her, Lucy adjusting her stance and positioning countless times as he began placed a pair of boxing pads on his hands. “Enough with the bag. Hit me boot.”

“What?” she said in astonishment. “I’m not-“

“You will Chen, hit me.”

Lucy took a swing at him, missing him as he ducked. “Again.” He ordered.

She forcefully swung her right arm, her throw landing on the soft padding. “Good. Again.”

They kept it up, Tim counteracting her throws and punches, throwing in his own punches that she successfully blocked for the most part.

“See? Outlet.” He told her as he pulled a bottle of water from his bag, taking a sip.

Lucy began unwrapping her wrists, wading the tape into a ball. “Thanks, Tim.”

“You’ve got a mean right hook but your uppercut could use some work. We’ll meet back here in two days boot.” He told her, gathering his bag, moving towards the door.

“Don’t I spend enough time with you already?”

Tim turned around, smirking. “Two days boot.”

Lucy sighed, turning around mumbling under her breath. “He’s lucky I like him.”

“Heard that!” he yelled as the door closed.

[tsarisfanfiction]

Escape: Chapter 1

Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Teen Genre: Hurt/Comfort Characters: Gordon, Scott

An island vacation turns into a nightmare, and it’s going to take Gordon everything he’s got, and then some, to get himself and his injured brother to safety.

I am, tentatively, calling this a oneshot, but there is definitely scope for a full fic here if my muses line up properly.  It turns out they didn’t want to go a whole week without Scott&Gordon and whump, so here we go - a little something to keep them happy.

EDIT: Officially no longer a oneshot.  Thank you, muses.

“Leave me.”

Blue eyes locked with his, bright with pain but determined nonetheless.  Gordon expected nothing less from his eldest brother.  Still, Scott was asking – demanding – the impossible, and no matter that it was an order from a superior, the part of Gordon that was little brother rather than operative only had one answer to that.

“Not a chance.”

“Gordon-”

“I am not leaving you behind,” he hissed.

Scott was injured, and it was bad.  The guys had got the drop on them, their tumble over a thankfully shallow cliff hadn’t ended well for Scott, no thanks to Gordon landing on top of him, thereby cushioning his own fall, and now they were on the run.

Well.  Gordon was on the run.  Scott was another matter entirely, and there was a sick logic to Scott’s demand.

Gordon was uninjured, barring a few scrapes.  By himself, he’d have no trouble getting to safety, somewhere where he could turn the situation around and get back to their boat and off the island where they’d decided to take a day’s vacation.  With his broken leg, and Gordon suspected some busted ribs and a wrist injury on top, Scott couldn’t even walk by himself.  He was slowing Gordon down, and they both knew it.

“You have to,” Scott insisted.  “If they catch you-”

“And what about if they catch you?” Gordon cut him off.  They didn’t know what the guys’ goal was, but he was willing to bet it wasn’t for a friendly chat over a cup of tea.  “Come on.”

He’d managed to swim them across an inlet, towing Scott like a helpless rescuee – which he might as well be, at this point – but they needed to get into the treeline, out of sight and somewhere where they could hatch a strategy to get out of there.

Both of them out of there.

No matter what Scott said, leaving him behind to their pursuers’ mercy was not an option.

“I,” Scott started. His face was chalk white, emphasising just how blue his eyes were, and he was trembling ever so slightly. “I can handle it.”

The words were supposed to be reassuring, but they fell flat and empty.  They didn’t even know what the guys wanted; if this was just some sick hunting game to them, it didn’t matter how well Scott could handle captivity – he’d still be dead.

Gordon couldn’t hear immediate pursuit; the inlet seemed to have at least temporarily done the trick, although he knew it was only a matter of time before they were back on their trail.

“Scott,” he bit out, frustration born of worry sharpening his tongue more than he’d intended. Those bright blue eyes met his, and he could see the fear his big brother was failing to hide.  There was love, of course, and determination, but it was the fear that called out to Gordon.  He crouched down in front of him, getting down to Scott’s current level of struggling to sit upright.  “I am not leaving you behind.”

“You have to!” The desperation was well-hidden, but Gordon knew his brother.

He grasped his forearms, taking Scott’s weight as his brother lurched forward, unable to keep himself upright.  The skin was cool and slightly clammy to the touch.  Combined with the trembles wracking his body, and Gordon knew what he was dealing with.

“Scott,” he repeated, using the grip on his arms to hold him in place, draw him a little closer.  “Listen to me.”  He tightened his hold marginally.  “You’re going into shock and you’re not thinking clearly.”  Another concern to add to the pile he already had. “Listen to me.”

“Gordon-”

“Listen to me,” he repeated, leaning forwards and carefully releasing one of Scott’s arms so that hand could gently wind around until it was on the nape of his neck.  “Scott, do you trust me?”

In some situations, that question would be answered with an eyeroll and a smart remark about prankster squids.  In situations like this, it was answered by a reflexive swallow and a word floating out on a breath.  “Always.”

Gordon drew him in, pressing forehead to forehead and trying to ignore the clammy skin as he looked point blank into Scott’s eyes.  “I’m getting you out of here,” he promised.  “I’m getting us out of here,” because Scott would never be pacified by promises of his own well-being if it came at the expense of a brother’s. That should have been enough, was enough, but there were more words on his tongue and he let them fall. “They won’t hurt you again.  I won’t let them.”

Pain made Scott look younger, more like the young man he really was than the middle-aged commander he tried to emulate.  If someone had told him he was actually looking into Alan’s eyes then, Gordon might even have believed them.  Almost. There was still a steel there that Alan didn’t quite have.  Not yet.

Scott was still struggling to keep command, still trying to present himself as the leader and in control of the situation, but Gordon knew it was, well, maybe not an act, but more for Scott’s benefit than his own.  And he knew Scott knew he knew that.

Still, there were no more futile protests, and he held him close for a moment longer before pulling back.

“Let’s go,” he murmured, conscious that they’d stayed in one place for too long.  “Come on.”

Scott didn’t fight him this time, although there was next to no assistance, either.  That came as no surprise to Gordon, even if he hated the reminder that Scott wasn’t well, was badly injured and going into shock as a result.

There was no way Scott could walk on that leg.  Up until their swim across the inlet, he’d been leaning heavily on Gordon’s shoulder, hopping along at a painfully slow pace, but they couldn’t keep that up if they wanted to stay far enough ahead to get out of there.

He crouched down and pulled Scott forwards, cautiously slinging him over his shoulder.  It wouldn’t be easy – Scott was tall and heavy, and Gordon knew he didn’t have the strength to carry him for too long – but he could keep it up long enough.  He hoped.

“Gordon,” Scott croaked as he staggered to his feet.  Hands balled in the back of his shirt.  “Your back-”

“I’m getting us out of here,” he repeated, one arm wrapping around his brother’s waist where it bent over his shoulder, and the other clinging to his legs tightly, both for additional security and to immobilise the break as best he could.  “I’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t a bad day, thank goodness.  Gordon had never yet been put in a position where he’d have to choose between potentially re-destroying his back or saving a life, and if there was one piece of luck shining down on them, it was that he didn’t have to make that choice today, either.

He staggered forwards, one step and then another, falling into an ungainly rhythm as he pushed on, towards the treeline that promised cover.

Grunts and gasps of pain from behind him betrayed the way Scott’s leg was jostled by the movement despite his best efforts.  Gordon hoped he’d positioned him so that his ribs weren’t worsening, too, but he hadn’t had much of a choice on that matter.

Hold on, Scott, he thought, not wasting his breath by vocalising it.  He didn’t have the breath to spare, and Scott wouldn’t appreciate acknowledgement of his agony.  All Gordon could do was cling on tightly and forge forwards.

He still couldn’t hear pursuit, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t any.  They wouldn’t be safe until they were clear of the area, off the coast and hopefully far into the sea.

Gordon knew there was a cove nearby.  On a good day, he could swim from there to the neighbouring, larger, island.  On a day like today, where the waves weren’t quite flat calm and his brother could do nothing more than float along, it was bordering on the impossible.

If there were no boats there to hijack, it would be their only option.

Clearly, Lady Luck had determined that Gordon’s back being fit enough to carry Scott the distance, even if his brother was gasping with every staggering step he ran, filled his entire quota for the day.  He was beyond grateful to have had that, but the sight of an empty cove when he broke free of the treeline made his heart sink.

“How are you holding up?” he asked Scott, stumbling to a halt on the shoreline and staring out at the expanse of blue-green ocean.  In the distance, the flat horizon line was broken by another landmass – the other island, and their only chance of escape.

Not for the first time since they’d been attacked, he cursed the fact that neither of their comms were working.  Disabled by some jamming bubble, no doubt.

“Holding,” Scott gasped, a word that was more lie than truth in the same way as Gordon’s conviction that he could swim the distance with his injured brother in tow.  It wasn’t true, but it had to be, because they had no choice.

“Okay,” Gordon acknowledged, his kneeling more a controlled crash to the ground than anything else.  “We’re getting out of here, Scott.”  He lowered his brother to the shingle, laid him on his back and looked at skin so white it might as well be translucent.  Scott was getting worse, trembles more noticeable as they passed through his body, and Gordon prayed he could hold on until they got to the next island, where they could shelter and he could treat the onsetting shock.

If they survived the swim.

His chest heaved, shoulders taking advantage of no longer having his brother slung over to rise and take in large lungsful of air.

Blue eyes spotted it, because Scott might be injured and well onto his way into shock but he was still Scott and he���d always notice a younger brother in difficulty.

“Gordon,” he rasped, a last-ditch attempt to change his mind.  “Go.”

“Not without you,” Gordon swore.  “Come on, Scotty.  One last little swim and we’ll be out of here.”

He didn’t give him a chance to protest, wriggling his arms underneath his brother and ignoring the way the shingle scraped at his skin.  Scott let out a reluctant groan at the movement, but Gordon couldn’t address that right then.  Not until they were off the island.

It was a lunge to his feet more than anything else, arms clutched tightly around Scott as his forwards momentum dragged them across the shingle, almost tangling his feet together and face-planting them both back on the ground.  Water sloshed around his ankles, the ocean cool.  She wasn’t inviting, but she wasn’t openly hostile either, so Gordon pushed on.

Water around his ankles became water kissing his knees, creeping up his thighs until it encircled his hips. He waded deeper, until it was up to his waist and caressing his forearms.  Touching Scott’s back.

He made eye contact with Scott as he came to a stop, disbelief and fear warring for prominence over the usual love and faith in those familiar blue eyes, and his brother opened his mouth to croak out his name again.  Gordon gave him a tight smile, lowering him until he was floating on the waves.  Strands of his hair had escaped the rigorous gelling they’d been subjected to that morning and splayed out like a miniature halo as ripples of water teased them.

“We’re getting out of here,” he promised again, the words tangling up in his throat and coming out all twisted and hoarse.

Letting the water take his weight was as familiar as breathing.  Looping his arm around Scott, he kicked off from the seabed and, eyes on the distant island, began to swim.

It was a long way, Olympic speed training useless to him.  He needed the endurance swimming from WASP, kilometres of open water with a casualty in tow.  It was reckless, stupid, even.

It was their only chance.

Chapter 2>>>

[seanfalco]

Could I request a Nathan X Fem reader -angry sex one shot: Reader makes Nathan angry (I know it is more likely to be the opposite way round, but hey I want to see what a Angry Nathan would be like).

word count: 1.4k a/n: oooo, you’re right, I usually write reader getting annoyed at Nathan, so this was interesting to explore.

It was late when you stumbled through the door of your flat, fumbling with your key in the lock as your head spun slightly and you winced.  Band practice had gone late and you were still feeling the tail end of the effects of the joint you’d shared with your bandmates, plus the throbbing of your head.

Kicking off your shoes in the dark and dropping your bag by the door, you headed for the kitchen, shedding your jacket on the way and letting it fall to the floor.  Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge you shut the door and nearly jumped out of your skin when you found Nathan leaning in the doorway.

“Jesus, Nathan,” you gasped, clutching at your chest as you opened your water to take a long swig.  Once you gathered your composure, you let your gaze slide down his bare chest, a grin tugging at your lips.  “I’m glad you’re still awake,” you purred seductively, stepping closer and wrapping your arms around him.

A slight frown creased his brow as he pulled you closer, but made no move to kiss you.  “Didn’t y’get my messages?” he asked and now it was your turn to frown in thought.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry, my phone died,” you exclaimed, suddenly remembering, and Nathan’s expression sagged with relief.

“Oh no, Nathan, I wasn’t ignoring you,” you assured him quickly, wondering how many times he’d texted you, somewhat surprised to find he’d been that worried -- usually nothing phased Nathan.  “I swear babe,” you insisted and a hesitant grin crossed his face.

“I’m glad you’re home, cause I’m quite horny,” he mused, bending to kiss you, leading you backwards to your bedroom, sounding like his normal self again.

“Good, cause I am too,” you purred between kisses as you undressed yourself.

However, when Nathan tossed you to the bed and climbed over you, you winced as your head hit the pillow, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

“Whoa, hey [y/n], you okay?” he asked, rearing back.

“Oh, y-yeah, I’m fine,” you answered a little too quickly, trying to pull him back down to you, but Nathan’s eyes narrowed.

Reaching between you, you palmed him through his boxer briefs, hoping to distract him from the injury you’d sustained earlier and it worked, Nathan groaning, and soon he was back to kissing you roughly.

When he slipped his hand behind your head however, his fingers brushed the somewhat large, tender bump that had developed shortly after your ill planned stunt from earlier that night that left you sprawled on your back, your head making contact with one of the amps on your way down and you hissed in pain.

“Jay-sus [y/n], that’s one hell of a goose egg, th’fuck happened?” Nathan asked, pulling you up with him and you glanced away sheepishly, unable to face the worry in his eyes.

“Oh, that?” you chuckled nervously, “it’s nothing, just a little bump, is all…” 

As you tried to downplay your injury Nathan’s eyes fell to your wrist and the plastic band you’d forgotten to get rid of after your friends had taken you to the emergency room.

“Wait, were you in the hospital?  [y/n], the fuck?  What happened?” he exclaimed and you flinched.

“It’s not that big a deal Nathan, I’m fine,” you insisted, but that seemed to only fan his anger.

“You--you had t’go to the hospital, [y/n]!  That’s not fine!” he cried, “Jesus, y’gotta be more careful.”

“Oh, that’s rich comin’ from you,” you scoffed.

Nathan had a right to be upset -- the stunt you’d attempted was foolish and dangerous, but you weren’t exactly in the mood for a lecture from the guy who died at least once a week every other week.

“And what’s that supposed t’mean?” Nathan demanded, his brows drawing down deeper.

“You’re th’most reckless fucking person I know!” you exclaimed, your voice raising to meet his.

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter if somethin’ happens t’me,” Nathan cried and you frowned for a moment at his words until he added -- “I’m immortal, remember?” flinging his arms wide.

Something told you he hadn’t planned on adding that last part, and you opened your mouth to tell him it did matter, even if he couldn’t die, but your stubbornness got the better of you, a derisive snort ripping from your chest.

“Oh please, I’ve been through just as much shit and come out alright,” you snapped and Nathan’s mouth fell open as he gaped at you.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked, his eyes damp with frustrated tears.  “That only works if I’m with you, and you know that!” he countered heatedly, clearly not finished and all you could think was you’d never seen Nathan this upset, except for when Jamie died.  “An’ then y’tried to keep this from me, God you’re fuckin’ selfish--”

“Me?  I’m selfish?” you exclaimed, his words taking you by surprise and for a moment you wanted to slap him.

Cutting off abruptly you pushed him away, scooting toward the edge of the bed.

“Hey!  Where’re you going?” Nathan cried, grabbing your arm and forcing you to look at him, his face still a thunderhead.  “You’re just gunna walk away?”

“Are y’gunna fuck me or not, Nathan?  Cause I’m still horny as fuck and if you don’t plan on doin’ anything about it, then I’ll take care of it myself!” you snapped, your words clearly taking him aback.

You were angry -- at him, at yourself; you were frustrated and so fucking pent up you couldn’t think straight and you just wanted to take care of at least one of those things, and that seemed like the easiest option at the moment.

For a second you thought Nathan was gunna let you go, until he yanked you back to him, kissing you sloppily, shoving his tongue down your throat as he eased you to your back, surprisingly gentle before freeing his cock and forcing your legs apart, barely waiting before pushing into you, filling you in one thrust and pulling a gasp from your throat.

For once Nathan didn’t speak as he fucked you, a conflicted look on his face and his movements were a strange mix of tender and rough and soon you were cumming, arching your back and muffling your scream against his shoulder as he continued to pound into you before with a shudder he came as well, thrusting deeper as he filled you, collapsing atop you, completely spent.

For a moment neither of you spoke and you wondered if Nathan felt, like you, his anger and frustration leeching out of him as you lay there.  Taking a shuddering breath you finally broke the silence.

“Even if you can’t die, it still matters to me if you get hurt,” you murmured, wrapping your arms around Nathan’s back, burying your face in the crook of his neck.  “I’m sorry,” you breathed, feeling your eyes well with tears and Nathan finally stirred in your embrace, shifting to his side so he could hold you properly.

“Do y’know how much I worry about you, [y/n]?” he asked and the hitch in his voice twisted your heart.  “I can’t lose you.  What’s th’point of livin’ forever if you’re not with me?” he asked and that did it, sending your tears spilling over.

“I’m sorry I made you worry.  I’m sorry I lied to you.  I’ll be more careful, I promise,” you hiccuped and Nathan gently pulled back to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

“I’m sorry I called yeh selfish…” Nathan muttered, reluctantly fixing you with a rare solemn gaze.  Slowly however, a grin twitched his lips as he pressed his forehead to yours.  “That was pretty hot though, y’gotta admit,” he said, managing to get you to huff a teary laugh.

“Yeah, but let’s not do that again,” you countered wryly.

“Why’s that?” he asked.

“Because I don’t like fighting… and I’m gunna be fucking sore tomorrow,” you admitted, your face heating as Nathan’s brows rose.

“Wait, did I fuck you so hard y’won’t be able t’walk tomorrow?” he asked, a cheeky delighted expression lighting up his face.

“No,” you exclaimed, “that’s not what I said.  I took a tumble, remember?” you huffed petulantly, and Nathan’s mirth quieted, though he still smiled softly as he stroked your face.

“Alright, alright.  I’ll be gentle,” he said and you settled down next to him, getting comfortable.

“Hey, I love you.  D’you forgive me?” you asked, twisting to look at him and he kissed your temple.

“Course, just don’t do it again… unless I’m with you, y’daredevil.”

----------------------

Tag List: @magic-multicolored-miracle @midnightseance @etherealsxnder @cunaeparker @iamsexytrash @orions-nebula @sokkasdarling @itsametaphorbriansblog

[anxiouslyfred]

@candied-peach here’s your gift for the gift exchange from @sanderssidesgiftxchange. Well the painting was an impulsive addition when I finished editing it last night

Peppermint Leaves

word count: 12322

AO3  - I’ve split it into chapters on AO3 but here it’s just all in one piece so it’s your choice how to read it.

Summary: When any strong emotion has leaves or petals forming in your mouth it's easy to forget that doesn't say anything about what is felt. Remus has always been open about the plants he gets but impulsively declares his love the first time he sees those leaves. When the moment is interrupted without him getting any response Remus decides the best option is avoiding Logan and Janus for a while. 

Warnings: based of hanahaki disease, a heart model gets stabbed, mentions of conversion therapy

Thank you to my Beta Reader @hitmewiththatfanart33 for your help.

/\/\

Logan had known Roman and Remus for almost 10 years, since they were teenagers, so it really shouldn't have surprised him when Remus spat leaves onto the apartment floor halfway through his explanation of something new he'd learnt. In fact, Logan would have just carried on talking, ignoring the habit he'd witnessed a million times if Remus didn't fall into a crouch to stare at them instantly.

He sighed as they were held up for him to see. “Please can you just cough them into a tissue like everyone else? There's no need to derail a conversation because your emotions are manifesting again.” Usually Logan would avoid making such remarks about someone else’s home and emotions but few of his other friends would let him explain his current experiments and he’d rather been enjoying the chance.

“But these are New Leaves—Love Leaves, Logan! Why should I hide something you need to see?” Remus protested, still holding them gently but now frowning as he inspected them, likely trying to identify the plant they were from.

“To you love is shown by peppermint leaves? Those were caused by me, or were you thinking of someone else?” Logan asks, tone sharp from how stunned he is by the implications of the words he'd heard.

There's no chance for a reply as Janus stalks into the room, scowling at the sight of Remus on the floor. “So you do know how to clear up your petals? Honestly I could've sworn I was your housekeeper from how often it's your emotions littering our home. No matter how excited you get by these strong emotions, you have to stop spitting them everywhere, Remus!” He went straight into a lecture and Logan had to admit a glance around the room did show plenty of other types of leaves scattered over the surfaces, while he'd never seen a single sign that Janus had even had an emotion manifest as petals or leaves before.

Remus had frozen at the interruption, before pasting on a grin and jumping up.“I think I left my emotion book at Roman's, so I had better be heading over there now. Last week he was threatening to burn it if I forced it into the faces of one of his friends again, and I do not want to go through some of those emotions again, not even to keep my records evidenced!” He cackled, bouncing out of the door instead of responding to anything that had been said to him.

The door slamming behind him finally broke Logan out of the stunned freeze he'd been in, blinking his gaze from the floor to where Janus was now pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do you think he's going to be gone long? Because he'd said something about those leaves I'd rather like to discuss with him,” he asked once Janus met his eyes.

/\/\

Making his escape was all Remus could think to do in that moment. 

Logan had seemed mostly frozen, and that lack of comprehension felt like a rejection the one time he was upfront about his emotions. It was a far more vulnerable version of his usual upfront statements of his thoughts, and it hurt now that he was out of the room. If Janus hadn't come in, he probably would’ve gone around the flat to see if he'd missed any peppermint leaves before, since it definitely wasn't the first time he'd felt love of that strength. It was just the first time he'd registered the leaves were different than the dandelion leaves of lust.

Instead he bounced off, heading to Roman's apartment to crow about learning a new one of his plants and changing his toothpaste on the way. Mint’s iciness could no longer be as interesting as the cinnamon toothpaste he'd heard about, not now love was connected to it.

“Royal Arse! I got new leaves!” he screamed, barging into his brother's flat as soon as the door was open, beaming at Patton's attempt to dodge out of the way.

He wasn't expecting Patton to instantly rush for a blanket and herd him onto the sofa. “Oh Remus, you poor dear! I'm so sorry for whatever has upset you that much! Is there anything I can do to help?” Apparently his brother's flatmate was the only one unaware of how much bullshit made up the stereotypes around emotional plants. Remus didn't really care to disillusion him after the offer of comfort though because yeah, he needed that right now.

Roman blinked when he finally made it out of his room, the music still audible, displaying the fact that he'd been rehearsing something. “Okay, I did hear Remus then, but how on Earth did you activate Patton's Pamper Session of Caring Chaos?”

“The poor thing got more leaves. Let's not ask in case it'll upset him too much.” It wasn't often Remus let someone else speak up before him, but at that moment he was trying not to choke on petals that had decided to form just as he took a drink. Spitting it all out onto his jeans revealed tulip petals, another new one, and this time a painful emotional response for Remus. Same as ever given that, opposing society's views, his good emotions were primarily leaves and negative ones petals.

Neither of the pair had noticed, Roman frowning as he replied to Patton, “That's not how Remus' emotions work.” As he turned, though, he realized why Remus was so willing to go along with it, sympathy growing in his eyes. “Although I don't believe you've mentioned having tulips before either.”

“What can I say, today is a day for the new: Peppermint and tulips. Cinnamon toothpaste is my new favourite thing, and I ain't going through the shit our parents pulled again, so pass that lecture Logan gave them over to Patton if you're planning to say anything to him!” Remus groused, waving his mug at Roman with one hand while the other failed to throw the petals towards the bin. If the hot liquid spilt all over him and the sofa, then all the better was all he would say.

Roman's eyebrow raised in something between concern and surprise at the exclamation, making a decision as he glanced between the pair. “Sounds like you need a movie marathon if not a chance to scream out whatever has happened. Love included or not?” He offered, deciding to drop the idea of explaining how differently Remus’s emotions manifested from the stereotypes to Patton for another day. 

“No way, give me gore, backstabbing, betrayal, and all the juicy stuff.” Remus acting offended at the suggestion of love was all the confirmation needed that it had something to do with his appearance. Roman doubted his brother would actually talk about it at all without some struggle, let alone right away.

Nothing was said about that though as he turned to Patton instead. “You don't like the films Remus finds comforting, Padre. Why don't you go and enjoy that book you mentioned earlier while I take over pampering the Duke?” He suggested with a smile, already moving to the DVD stand as his room-mate disappeared with a genial agreement.

The curious glance Remus shot him made it clear he hadn't quite registered how unlike himself he'd been acting to get this reaction. Roman wasn't going to confirm anything though, not after the fears Remus still hid about someone trying to force him into Petal Therapy Calling it out would only compound on whatever caused Remus to get new petals. He had hoped the friendship Remus had with Logan after their parents attempted that would stop any of the concerns carrying through their lives.

Remus watched Roman cleaning up the petals, muttering into his mug about how open emotions created the densest people, only to be cut off when Roman spoke up again, “So I'm presuming the tulip petals and mint leaves are connected? What plagues the joys of peppermint?”

“Ice tears into a fleshy heart, leaving only blood to flourish where a nice chill could've soothed the flames. Should I weep for pain or choke on the cries for comfort others so willingly claim as positive?” Remus never used the poetic language their parents had favoured, but when upset this much and with his brother it was a habit he couldn't hold back. Poetry had always made heartbreak worse to his mind but it gave brilliant frameworks for metaphors.

It got him a glance and a pause in the rearranging for a moment. “You sure you wouldn't prefer a show with eye candy and fight scenes instead? I'm sure we could find some properly cringey things with attractive guys to stare at.”

“Noooo! I want something with more blood and guts and gore than Joseph's coat after his brothers got at it!” As he whined, Remus caught the glance and smirk on Roman's face.

“That sounds more like Remus at least. I'll put Alien on then.”

Neither of them mentioned the leaves and petals again, despite Remus still coughing up tulips and after a while roses too. There wasn't a need to talk about the evidence of heartbreak and sorrow while trying to distract from it.

/\/\

One of the first things anyone Remus decided to befriend learnt about him was that he had a guide to his emotions and wanted to share it. He'd kept a few of all the leaves and petals that formed in his mouth, dried them and stuck them in with his description of what the main emotion of the time had been. Of course there had been thousands of authors, scientists, and philosophers over the years who had compiled similar books, meant to guide people over the 'normal' emotions plants depicted, but Remus claimed his is much better and more accurate because it's specific to only him.

Janus had to smile when he saw it out in their apartment again. He hadn't read it, exactly like most of their other friends, discomforted by how personal the book must be despite Remus bringing it out within the first week of meeting someone.

“We haven’t seen that book out in a while. Who are you trying to make read it this time?” He had to ask, hoping it was a good conversation starter as it always had been before.

At the moment, it was almost tempting to ask if he could read it. Where Remus would usually be unavoidable—ever trying to make Janus join his adventures and experiments, claiming he had to sometimes since they were flatmates—he'd disappeared over the last week, while Logan had actually been visiting more. There was definitely something up, and hopefully Logan would stay in the kitchen long enough for Janus to ask about it.

“I'm updating it actually. Got so many new leaves to add to it now! Almost enough to make my next sculpture. Would Glasses Lecture have an accurate diagram of a heart?” Remus answered, bouncing a little and half turning to look for his phone before stopping. “Wait! Googly googly eyes! the internet has that shit! Don't ask, I've sorted it!” Remus’s exclamation had already launched into a muttered ramble of his idea. 

Janus had expected something of a sculpture to happen when he had complained about the leaves being left around, but the muttering was new. Normally the ideas needed to be yelled about so everyone could act disgusted by them.

It all felt like a distraction Remus choreographed just for him almost. “Speaking of hearts, Logan said you'd mentioned something about love before your little disappearing act. That wouldn't have anything to do with why I've had the apartment to myself, would it?”

“Logan and me?!” Remus couldn't have exclaimed that any louder. “Please! He wishes this ass was his to take apart in whatever way science says is the best. Kinda sounds like a fun time, but I'm bugging Roman. Got a costuming gig for his next play and found another three-month contract destroying people’s gardens too. Wonder if I'll get told to leave poisons for people again.” Remus was cackling, hurrying away as though he was a whirlwind running out of wind. Whatever commitments had now manifested did not disguise the avoidance motivating them.

Before he could get out the door, Janus spoke up again, “Do remember the movie night we've been planning for Saturday. As much as I'll enjoy the peace while you're working, I would loathe to miss your commentary of the movies.”

He half-expected to be called out that such plans didn't exist, but Remus was already wanting to leave and Logan surely couldn't be taking so long to make their drinks. If Janus couldn't get answers now, he would definitely make sure to manage it on Saturday.

“Course I will, but now I've got to let Virgie scream at me for a bit! I'll tell him you said hi!” With that, Remus had bounced out the door, letting it slam behind him.

Logan still took a few more minutes to emerge from the kitchen carrying their mugs. “Remus does costuming?” he queried, his voice carefully neutral. He’d been visiting their apartment daily hoping to discuss the mention of love with Remus since the day it happened.

“Only when he's trying to spend more time with Roman. Last time he did this was when they started trying to get along after all those teenage arguments.” Janus sighed, unfortunately certain the cause wasn't so simple this time. The doubt was strong enough he had to shrug his hat into falling so it wasn't obvious as he spat out the oak leaves forming. His room-mate and best friend avoiding him was a sorrowful thing to realize.

“And apparently now when he doesn’t want to be here. I only go to the theatre to watch performances and remain front of house networking generally. You avoid the theatre and its professional make-believe unless Roman forces everyone to go, and even then leave soon after a performance ends, also staying front of house.” Janus began musing, comparing where in the theatre they’d generally visit. Staying in the entrance, bar and seats was only something he and Logan ever did.

 “If Remus is costuming, then he'll be out a lot in the lead-up to performances and then his work is all back-stage, so there's very little chance he'll run into either of us there.” He carried on explaining as he thought, knowing Logan would need to help if they were to get Remus actually talking to them again, and somehow they would manage that.

/\/\

“You haven’t argued with Roman lately. What's actually going on?” Virgil's question came as soon as Remus opened the door, disappointing him. He'd worked hard to make the designs as contrasting and ugly as possible in order to get screamed at for nothing. Where was the lecture he wanted?

“Tulips are flowers of heartbreak, Boogeyman. Can I cover the ball gown in them for symbolism's sake? It would look brilliant, all poofy with flowers! We could even ask Roman to include stage directions for the girl to cough, suggesting it's her own petals that make the dress.” Well if you can't avoid the question, answer it with barely connected ideas. Remus thought that should at least distract from anything more being asked.

Virgil's head-shake looked automatic. “That would be some spectacle, especially since she is one of those mythological noble fae, but this is a play where no flowers or leaves betray emotions. Also, I doubt many other people have negative connections to tulips. Do we want to say they're for heartbreak when eighty percent of the audience, if not more, think otherwise?”

“Bro-Ro says the ball is where her heart actually gets broken and whatever the context of the story people will assume the flower accessories mean something. Let's do it and see what assumptions the audience makes!” Remus cheered. The best way to disturb people was to always be vague and make them do the rest, especially with double meanings.

“Fine then. I get to tear everything else to pieces, cause what the hell are you thinking with this garbage?!” Virgil went into scolding finally, ready to argue over all of Remus' designs for the afternoon.

/\/\

It didn't take a genius to realise that Remus was avoiding Logan and any chance of talking about the mention of love he'd made, so he had decided to leave dealing with it for a while. A week of work already had reduced notes from the time Logan focused on understanding what happened that evening. It was beyond his knowledge how to react or feel about it at all, beyond the observation that seeing so little of Remus vastly reduced the value he had in his life.

Even the time getting assistance from Janus had proven fruitless except for an invitation to the movie night that had suddenly been arranged. A week of lunches in more formal cafes with Janus while discussing or scheming to get answers provided very little insight into it. 

Hopefully they would be able to get more answers on Saturday, but for now he had experiments to check on and research papers to edit.

Returning to having lunch in the cafeteria with Patton was a welcome change, and shocking as it brought the revelation that Patton had somehow become one of the people Remus spent a lot of time around. It had been commented on as soon as Logan queried how Patton had been recently and was followed with the explanation he was still listening to.

“I mean Remus really isn't as bad as I had thought. He's a bit disturbing occasionally but definitely seems to be a sweetheart underneath it all,” Patton finished, smiling as he pulled his sandwiches out to start eating.

“He is someone you need to get used to, but I'd never let him anywhere near our labs. Have you heard Roman's stories of their science classes? Thankfully I was in a set above them and never had to endure it in person, but Remus definitely caused a couple of school evacuations.” Logan raised an eyebrow at the description. Sweet and someone who can cause experiments to go that dangerously in a school did not meld together in his mind very well.

That was rather the pattern for his thoughts about Remus. Since they were younger he’d seen the other terrified of what Petal Therapy would do to him, to bouncing in one spot because he’d spotted a snail crossing the path. Small and large things all seemed to bring out heightened emotions in Remus that even Patton and Roman rarely matched and it rather fascinated Logan to witness and help with.

Of course Patton just waved off the remark. “Well that's why he doesn't work with us. And he seems so happy at the moment, always coughing up tulip petals,” he said, not noticing when Logan's expression must have flooded with concern.

He'd known the twins when they all reached the age that leaves and petals would manifest for their emotions, and had witnessed the chaos that came with it. Logan had been the primary reason Remus was never forced to the petal therapy camps when his parents realized that all the leaves he coughed up truly were for positive emotions. He was still trying to get enough support to start a campaign against those camps after all the research he had done on them, actually.

Hearing Patton mention flower petals was anything but the positive report his friend seemed to believe it to be. He had to school his face back into a neutral expression before speaking again. “Far be it from me to disagree, but has Remus actually said what his emotions are to you?” Logan queried carefully, hoping to avoid the emotive displays of worry and concern that Patton was prone to. “Usually it is leaves that present his positive feelings.”

“Well Roman said something like that too, but all Remus really said was asking for me to be handed some lecture and that he's changed to cinnamon toothpaste. That was when he barged in yelling about getting new leaves, and he seemed to connect the toothpaste to it somehow,” Patton explained after a moment's thought before shaking his head. “But that's probably just him throwing in something random about his day, right?”

“I'd expect so. I'll see if I can copy the folder I have relating to the emotional plants for you later,” Logan offered easily, mentally noting the information. “There were some issues when his parents realized how his emotions manifested, which I helped with. By the way, you've been researching the rumours there were about people growing plants from the leaves they've had manifest from emotions. Has there been any evidence to suggest that can happen?” he diverted the conversation, already finding there were too many things to think over from what little Patton had said.

/\/\

Remus was likely to be sat drawing patterns and sewing with Virgil for most of the night when Roman messaged Logan and Janus asking to meet up for a bit. He'd happily allowed his brother the role in costuming when he mentioned it, agreeing that having space from the situation could help, especially with Remus' heart potentially being on the line.

That wasn't going to stop him actually trying to get the most clueless people he knew regarding their own emotions to actually think on the subject.

“Roman, how wonderful to see you again. Your request to come over was as charming as ever. How might Logan and I assist you?” Janus' voice dripped in flattery as he opened the door, already moving aside to let him in.

“So many things, and I'm sure you'll only answer me over a few of them. How have you two been recently? In all the chaos that is the run-up to opening night I haven’t had much time to see either of you.” Roman was cheerful, waving to Logan upon seeing him already sitting in the living room.

Logan just shrugged in response. “Life carries on, as is typical. We've got some fascinating research projects in full sway at the labs, but I'm not sure they'd interest you.”

“We are currently trying to solve the case of the missing room-mate however. Would you happen to know where Remus has run off to recently?” Janus avoided answering the question with one of his own as he always seemed to manage to do. “Or could that be the real reason you're here?”

Roman raised an eyebrow at the words, half tempted to challenge what was being implied given there could be a variety of meanings to the words. “Well so far as he's mentioned from Monday to Thursday, he's been working on a neighbourhood improvement team, and I've asked him to step in and help with some costumes Virgil couldn't get quite right.”

“It must have been quite late in the production for you to be preparing for opening night while Remus has only recently started helping on costumes,” Logan observed, raising an eyebrow.

“Virgil wants to have a strong idea of how all of the actors are portraying their characters before finalizing any outfits, so he tends to finalize designs and make them over the three weeks before the show starts. By contrast, Remus doesn't care how an actor wants to portray anything, just works from the script and momentary inspiration.” 

Roman shrugged off the silent query, making himself comfy on the sofa. “Which reminds me, do either of you know when tulips related to heartbreak? They've had me ordering fake petals by the boatload for one of the dresses, and that's all the reason I've got for it.”

The stunned and hurt expressions over Janus and Logan's faces answered everything without words, but, after a second of silence, Logan was coughing into a tissue. “Patton mentioned them also, but I've never heard Remus say anything about even having tulips form from any emotion,” Logan said in an attempt to side-step the subject that was clearly now coming, already throwing the tissue into the corner bin.

“The last emotion Remus discovered to my knowledge was his peppermint leaves, although I have no clue how he was only seeing them the last time Logan was talking to him. Those leaves have littered this apartment for months, and trust me, I'm nowhere near feeling proud as consistently as peppermint leaves appear, even if I were to mimic his way of dealing with the leaves and petals,” Janus explained, rolling his eyes at how blatantly Roman was cataloguing their reactions. He wondered what would be said if or when Remus learnt one of their plants was the same despite being for different emotions.

Trying to keep some distance from Roman’s gaze was why he then headed to the kitchen. “If you're planning on visiting for some time, might I tempt you with a drink? Rose wine perhaps?”

“Just some water, please. I drove here,” Roman replies, leaning back in his seat.

He knew Logan was watching and thinking through the things they'd said so far. There was a sharp but distant edge to the gaze that only happened when something met a focus Logan had. Roman was more than comfortable to let the nerd dissect everything, especially given he was far more open with his attempts at resolutions compared to Janus. Instead he just listened to the clinking of glasses and took in a new painting added since he'd last visited. It was definitely one of Remus' creations.

“How would you suggest we apologize to Remus, or at least stop him from avoiding us to this extent?” Logan eventually asked.

“Is that what you actually mean to ask?” Roman countered. He'd seen the looks the last time their friend group had all been able to get together, and he wasn't about to give advice only for his brother to get hurt again.

Before Logan could start trying to insist it was, a wine glass of water was being held out as Janus appeared back in the room. “You could just tell us why you're here, Roman. There's no need to dance around the subject and hope we'll bring it up for you,” Janus insisted, clearly having gathered his masks up while getting the drinks.

It seemed unfair to have only Logan being open over his intentions now, but Roman could see neither of them recognized their own emotions yet. “Well I actually did just want to hear from you what has actually happened to upset my brother so much.”

“He said something I didn't know how to react to. Janus came in to complain about the leaves everywhere and then Remus decided to head to yours.” The brief description was more blunt and emotionless than Roman had ever heard anyone describe something before meeting Logan. “I'd rather like to discuss what he said with him directly, rather than via you.”

“I'm just wondering why my room-mate has decided this is only a place to sleep when I thought we got along well together most of the time.” Janus didn't add anything further to the recollection of what happened. Roman was fairly convinced neither man in front of him would discuss their emotions easily and that could be a battle for someone else to face.

Sighing, he finished off his glass of water. “Wonderfully enlightening descriptions, fellas. Absolutely a delight. Perhaps if you're going to try discussing this with Remus, you can reflect on your emotions and how the plants present them. I mean, Logan, do you even know what flowers or leaves appear when you so promptly throw those tissues away?”

With those words, he stood, deciding not to muddy their thoughts with farewells, “Perhaps you can reflect on that for a while. I'll leave you be for the evening now.” 

/\/\

“Hey Logan, do you mind me asking a few things about that folder you sent me yesterday, or would you rather leave it till we're outside of work?” Patton called as he approached their usual table for lunch.

Logan had already finished eating since their breaks had ended up being 15 minutes different in start time that day. He'd actually been tracking his mind for any flavours he could remember connecting to the emotions he'd had to spit out over the years and now welcomed the break, easily waving to the seat across from him.

“You know I welcome all questions to the development of knowledge at any time, Patton. Please ask away.” The invitation wasn't really needed, since it was rare either of them wouldn't join the other if they were both having lunch in the break room. It was still more professional to use manners though

Patton had already sat down and started unpacking his own lunch before replying. “Well really I'm just very curious because it seems like something you were extremely passionate about, but I haven’t heard you mention anything about the atrocities of those petal therapies before now. Does that mean somebody has managed to get them banned already?”

His lips pursed at the thought. “I wish that were the case, but there needs to be solid scientific evidence of not only the harm that they do, but also that the procedures are redundant. While here we study various subjects around the formation and properties of the leaves and petals that form, I've been able to make progress on the latter. You'll notice most of the studies I lead are long-term ones over how changes occur to the plants people form over different emotions which actually has proven beyond doubt that negative or traumatic events, such as those therapies are, only produce an increase in leaves portraying a person's emotions, positive or negative.”

“So what's being studied about the harm they do?” The question was predictable, but one Logan despaired to hear.

For a moment, he just shrugged before meeting Patton's eyes. “Unfortunately that is a subject entirely based in psychology and I'm not knowledgeable enough to conduct those studies on my own. As of yet I've been unable to meet a psychologist willing to do studies that would likely be widely contested by society.”

Something in Logan wanted to change the subject of conversation quickly, knowing if his remorse over being unable to make progress against petal therapies grew, he would be coughing up something. He was more resolute in that moment to properly discuss Patton's queries, however in depth the clock ticking to the end of his break would allow. Besides, that would at least confirm for certain one of his plants.

Patton, however, was pulling out his phone and scribbling a number from it onto a napkin he hadn't needed. “I know a psychologist from college who would be able to help you with that! Doctor Emile Picani would definitely be willing to at the very least help you find someone if they can't do the study themselves. Give them a call and ask,” he insisted, pushing the napkin into Logan's hand.

The chance of coughing up flowers of remorse was suddenly swapped by a flood of relief that Logan had to rapidly pull out a clean tissue to react to, glancing at the new number. “Thank you, Patton. I will have to do that later though, since my lunch break is now over.” He hurried the words out, already standing to leave and trying to hide the fact he was still holding both the napkin and the tissue of either petals or leaves.

Only once he was back in his lab did Logan open the tissue, smiling as he recognised peppermint leaves. Apparently there was something he shared with Remus and Janus, even if the leaves presented three completely different feelings.

Now he just needed to talk to someone he could trust with his emotions and who wouldn’t make a big deal about them. For the first time in his life, he wanted to learn about his emotions. 

/\/\

Logan struggled to remain still and not shift from foot to foot as Thomas blinked through his doorway. “Okay, when you said you needed some help I was actually expecting to be invited to the labs to assist one of your studies. Guessing this is a bit more personal than that now.”

After leaving Patton at lunchtime, Logan had decided that asking his brother for some help would at least guarantee he could trust there'd be no judgement. That had been when he'd called Thomas, only getting an agreement to help before hanging up and completely forgetting to clarify when he'd come over.

If the situation had been different, less personal even, Logan probably would have spoken with Remus about it. Over the years they’d both sought each other out about various plants or animals they wanted to learn about and what were the emotional plants other than that. Only Janus could match Remus for being patient or involved in the subject Logan loved to talk about really. Even Patton often wanted to leave the science at the lab.

“I have no clue what leaves or flowers any of my emotions make and could really use some advice in all those...feelings-type things,” he stated, waving towards the door in the hopes he could stop having the discussion while stood on the street.

Thomas was immediately backing away, holding the door open and looking more concerned than before. “Okay let's actually start with why you need to figure emotions out after years of declaring that science and discovery are the true loves of your life. Has something happened with your friends? I thought they all accepted you are incredibly private with your emotions.” As he spoke, he ushered Logan through to his kitchen, already making coffee and getting some jam sandwiches made.

“Remus is avoiding me—avoiding Janus too, actually, and Roman said we should look at our own emotions before trying to discuss why with Remus directly,” Logan summarized, reaching to take the mug he usually used only for Thomas to push it away.

With a raised eyebrow and pursed lips, Thomas met his eyes. Logan knew that if he were more like either of the twins, this would be the start of a play-fight, but currently he just felt like a pinned butterfly while his brother silently demanded more details.

He shuffled back a few steps.“Remus said some leaves he spat out meant love when it was just me and him, but Janus interrupted before I could do more than try to work out if that meant he loves me. Now he's barely even going back to their flat, and I haven't seen him or heard from him since. I don't want to lose my friend, Thomas! If I need to examine my emotions to get Remus back, then I need help to do that!” Logan had tried to keep his voice steady, but as he finally let himself describe properly the scene that had occurred, his hurt and confusion over what was happening raised his voice louder.

A sandwich being put in his hand and a mildly teasing smile at least said Thomas would help now. With a sigh, Thomas began speaking. “So what we actually need to work through is what emotions you are currently feeling, as well as if you have any specific feelings towards any of your friends. A love confession is a very vulnerable thing to do, and from what you've said of Remus before, he's not going to avoid it forever.”

“How do we do that?” Logan muttered, finally being allowed to take his coffee.

Leading them back into his living room, Thomas glanced over his shelves for a moment. “The most reasonable way I can think of is bullet points or spider maps. If you can't identify an emotion, then you can provide an accurate description and I'll do my best to identify it.” He decided, pulling out an A3 paper pad from behind the couch.

“And you're sure we need to do this for all my friends, as well as the current situation?” Logan frowned at the amount of time and paper that sounded like it would take up.

“Nope, the thing with emotions is that you're likely to realize who we'll need to focus on as we work through the emotions of the current situation. Shall we begin?” Thomas grinned, holding out some thick pens and putting a heading on the first of 'Remus' Avoidance'. The page looked similar to one Janus had made when they'd been trying to figure out what was happening logically, but somehow Logan could believe this might help a little more.

/\/\

“Menial Labour! My brother has made a servant of me, never to grace the heights of society again!” Roman was bemoaning, languishing back against the foot of the sofa as Remus and Virgil snickered at him.

They'd insisted his help was needed sewing petals onto the dress given the size of the skirt and fast approaching performances. Even with the amended design of having triangles of petals around the skirt there was too much for the pair to finish in time, so Roman had grabbed a needle and thread to join in.

Virgil snorted when he tried to drape a hand over his head only to realize the action brought his needle a little too close to his eyes. “Sure, Cinderella. Where's your fireplace to sleep in?”

“Praise that I have not yet been reduced to such poverty. Although the last time I saw Remus’ apartment, there was no fireplace in it. Do you and Janus have fireplaces in your bedrooms?” Roman grinned, letting the joke move into random chatter as he grabbed another handful of petals to sew.

Remus cackled again. “Closest we've got is Jay's heat lamp, and I'm pretty sure he'd fight you if ever you tried to sleep under it. When'd you last visit anyway? I always go to yours or the theatre.”

“A day or so ago. I wanted to discuss a few things with Janus and Logan, and Logan was already at your flat when I messaged, so I joined them there.” Roman tried to appear offhand with the comment, already anticipating the scowl that was directed at him.

“I told you not to interfere with this, Cinders,” Remus ground out, visibly grinding his teeth together.

Roman nodded jovially. “Yep, and Janus told me you've been spitting peppermint leaves out for months before you noticed them. It's interesting how many things I'm learning just trying to understand why my brother no longer wants to be in the flat he boasted about for ages.”

“Given that factoid just makes Jasmine sound like even more of an oblivious shouty fool, and now I wanna make him choke on peppermint...somehow. Unexpected leaves in pastries, unfiltered loose leaf tea: There's gotta be a way to achieve it, and he would get the fear without any chance of death.” Remus stabbed through the petals he was focusing on, scowl turning into a deadly dark expression. For the petals to have been around the apartment for a while that meant his lust for Janus wasn’t just that and given how observant his room-mate claimed to be Remus would have thought something else would be brought up.

Instead of mentioning it though he just carried on trying to make the petals attached by stabbing them harder. “I mean, perhaps you were right about using fakes. They'd tear easily, but right now I wish I could be destroying something.”

Virgil stole the needle from Remus' hands. “No destroying allowed, but you'd have more success actually attaching the petals if this needle was threaded,” he ordered, promptly threading the needle to hand it back. “Besides, Janus has always been oblivious. He focuses so much on manipulating people by flirting so they not only do what he wants but like him for it, that genuine feelings go completely over his head.”

“Also, I'm not sure you've been rejected, Re. It's more likely neither of them understand love enough to actually know whether they're feeling it or not, especially over romantic love.” Roman sighed, leaning closer to the fabric and the petals to make his stitches perfect and completely missing the torn gaze glancing over at him.

“Whatever. Oblivious freezing is still just as painful to face as all that anger Janus has over my leaves. I tell everyone from the start, my emotions are an open book. Ask me your questions and I'll tell you no lies,” Remus huffed, starting another section that needed petals adding. At least sewing or sculpting with petals was simple since the actual use everyone claimed they had in demonstrating emotions never seemed to work, even when he tried to talk about what they meant.

Virgil yelped as that move meant the section he had was suddenly tugged away for a moment, dropping and losing the needle. “When on earth did you start hiding from something like this though? I swear the Remus I met would scream about it until he got some response he could at least make innuendos out of to make everyone just as uncomfortable as he is with the feelings.”

“I'm working on it...and a functional heart model that can be taken apart to describe precisely how bad they've made me feel. Probably going to do that demonstration on the street outside our flat the day after this play closes. Announce it for everyone to hear. Post a video online or something.” Remus nodded. “But getting away and letting them play detective gives me time to actually get that model made.”

“Or for them to hopefully get their heads out of their asses,” Virgil suggested, bringing Roman's idea that there could be a relationship there back.

Remus just shook his head, focusing on sewing and starting to sing a parody of Taylor Swift loud enough that they couldn't carry on the conversation.

/\/\

When Roman had told them to reflect on their own emotions and motivations, Janus had scoffed. It seemed like an absurd idea that wouldn't really help at all. He knew himself better than anyone else even could, so of course he knew what all his flowers meant. Perhaps he wasn't as obsessive over the artefacts as Remus was, but he knew them well enough to write a list of all the known emotions that produced plants and what plants each produced.

The only thing actually motivating Janus to even muse over the subject was that Logan had clearly taken the suggestion to heart. Given how regularly he'd come over since Remus' declaration, it was easy to assume that sooner or later Logan would be returning, wishing to discuss whatever conclusions over his own emotions he came to.

So Janus had brought out his journal and decided to simply write through a guide over which plants related to various emotions, starting of course with Peppermint. Pride was clearly defined and had never been mistaken for anything else in all of Janus' life. It was simple to write about, even including the notes over how the same plant formed love for Remus and a few speculations over what on earth could have been occurring for there to be so much around their flat. Those thoughts left him feeling positively uncomfortable, either Logan had visited more regularly prior to this situation than known or Remus just associated love with being at home somehow.

He pushed the thoughts away, deciding to focus on a related emotion of lust as the next one. That was where Janus really started questioning everything he had been so certain of before. There were two plants coming to mind as being for lust and each had occurred and been labelled such intermittently with the other. One of them had to be for a different emotion except Janus had no understanding over how he'd even make such a mistake.

Tracking the memories around those flowers at least clarified which emotions the two plants would represent, although it did little to confirm which way round they settled. Understanding that was when he really began to accept Roman's advice as valid.

He had a lot of emotions to consider closely now, and only a few that he was certain would remain as blank as the plants currently were.

/\/\

“So what time is our movie night, again? We're doing a full costume rehearsal this afternoon so if you want me back early say now.” Remus called through the house. He'd been hurrying between rooms a lot through the morning and Janus could tell that was still happening by how his volume changed.

He didn't reply though, to focused on his pages about his emotions and corresponding plants to make a decision over a lie he'd planned to make true.

Remus shoving his head on top of the book demanded a response though. “Home early or can I do my job sewing people into inescapable costumes right?”

“Can we just cancel the film night? You seem so busy with this show and far be it from me to interfere in Roman's job.” Janus requested, shoving him to the floor as an afterthought.

“Always got time for you, Scales. Just say the word and anyone who harms you will be bleeding out on the streets.” Remus didn't react to being on the floor past wrapping himself around Janus's legs, clinging tightly. “Just say the word and I'll be back here, but sure thing. Just tell Lo you're cancelling it.”

It was mildly surprising that Remus knew anyone else was invited let alone who, but Janus decided to focus on putting his notebook away and finding something else to focus on for a while. “Of course I will.”

The whirlwind that was Remus preparing for a costume rehearsal soon disappeared with about 10 bags more than he could reasonably need.

Deciding not to delay any longer Janus already had his phone out, calling Logan as soon as the door was shut for the third time.

“Hello Janus, How can I be of assistance?” Ever the professional greeting made Janus smile slightly.

“I've decided to cancel the movie night that we were going to have this evening.” He stated, only the necessary information and nothing more in the hopes it would prevent further questioning. “We're going to reschedule it for next weekend instead.”

There was a pause where he could hear shuffling papers on the other end of the call before Logan cleared his throat. “Of course. I was hoping you would as I find I'm not as composed as I should be if we're talking with Remus over what happened.”

“All that happened was I interrupted a private moment between you which I must apologise to you as well as to Remus for doing.” Janus felt like the words were stabbing him over how simplistic it made the last weeks seem, but kept his voice as smooth and steady as it would remain presenting to a lecture hall.

“We both have things to apologise to Remus over but I can't imagine you intended to interrupt anything, so any misstep there was towards myself is more than forgiven. Perhaps we could make our apologies to Remus during the interval of Roman's play so that the movie night can be as relaxing as Patton insists that they are?” Logan sounded tentative, uncertain both of the plan, but really Janus chuckled humourlessly at it.

“That's probably a good idea. If you'd prefer to just spend some time with Remus, please do let me know.” From all his own reflection, Janus knew just how uncomfortable he'd feel intruding on what could only be a return declaration of love and quite wanted to avoid it. He couldn't fathom why Logan was suggesting they apologise simultaneously.

“I will if necessary but I doubt it will be. Shall I book tickets for us then and message you the performance I manage to get?” Logan asked, at least sounding like the call would be over soon.

Janus sighed. He wasn't one to deny a trip to the theatre but he'd prefer not to have an emotional conversation backstage where very little would really be private. “Of course. I shall see you then.”

“See you at the theatre, Janus.” Logan signed off, leaving even more thoughts and concerns spiralling through his mind. Since he'd deciphered the plants for lust and love there seemed to be a lot more resting on their talk with Remus with no suggestion that it would be good for him.

He would at least be content in seeing his best friend and their most frequent visitor happy.

/\/\

Despite what Janus believed about the pair of them always remaining front of house when in the theatre, no friend of Roman's could really avoid visiting backstage at least occasionally. Both he and Logan were known to most of the people that worked there. It made it easier for them to slip through the door and get quick directions to where Remus was sorting out the costumes that had been finished with for the performance and getting out the ones he'd need ready for the quick changes.

Finding the area was easy, almost signposted by the tulip petal ball gown.“You must have been sewing tulip petals the entirety of the last week.” Janus observed, stroking a hand down it as Remus jumped at his voice.

“I must admit the outfit was fascinating to watch, especially considering the time which the actress had to put it on. One would think that an outfit like that would be more complex for barely a minute would allow her to wear it.” Logan agreed, although he was actually watching Remus when he turned to face them.

They hadn't intended to make any small talk, well aware that delaying the intervals arrangements could cause issues for the show. It was still easier to begin every conversation with an observation related to the moment before raising more difficult subjects.

Remus blinked one eye at a time, turning between them, before bustling over. “Plenty of sewing and it's still needed so hands off if you will, or I'll direct Valerie to you if there's an issue with it. Seeing someone else tear you down would be hilarious.”

“Well if we delay apologising for too long I'm sure Roman will oblige you in doing so.” Janus sighed, easily moving away. “That said however, I do want to say sorry. I didn't pause before interrupting you a few weeks ago and as much as finding your leaves around the place can annoy me I'd rather deal with them and have you around than the silence of the flat recently.”

The words had Remus throwing the costume he'd just pulled out of its protective case onto a chair, staring unblinking at Janus. “Dude, we interrupt each other constantly. Unless you want me to carry around a sign to say 'Emotional Moment Happening' I've no clue how we'd avoid that. Just count it as getting even for the last time I walked in on you showering to ramble about an idea I needed help with.” He decided after a moment, grabbing another outfit to put away.

Logan cleared his throat then. “I still need to apologise to you as well, Remus.” He said, moving forwards to try and be in Remus's line of sight. That wouldn't work when he was clearly focused on rooting through the costume rack and not turning around again.

“Your words the last time we spoke caught me completely unexpectedly and it appears that my lack of reaction has hurt you considerably. I'm not well informed about emotions despite my realm of study being connected to them. I still consider myself a beginner in the stronger feelings, so I apologise for any hurt that I caused, and hope that you don't mind waiting a little longer for a true response to the sentiments you imparted to me. I do intend to explain more of my own emotions but currently I am learning to understand them myself. Once I have a better grasp of them perhaps we can discuss a little more.” As he spoke Logan shifted from side to side, uncomfortable with how personal it felt despite the planning he’d done for his apology.

Sometime while he spoke, Remus had turned, not enough for them to meet eyes but to watch Logan from the corner of his. There were clearly some mental guards up but he was listening.

Remus let the words settle after Logan finished, before beginning to ramble, “Oh sure, no bad blood running between us at all, Logie-kins! Actually what is bad blood? Is that like a real thing? Scientists should call blood carrying diseases bad blood. Naughty blood goes in the Petri-dish for time out.”

“I'm glad to hear that Remus and hope that once your show is over we can enjoy the movie night together.” Logan nodded, deciding that there wasn't time for any scientific commentary to be added about blood.

“Remus, these are not the outfits you need for the quick changes. Hurry up and get the right ones out.” Roman had come around checking backstage was ready as the 5 minute call came over the intercom. “And you 2, back to your seats. Hurry, hurry, time and tide wait for no man and this stage is about to have high tide.”

Janus and Logan let themselves be shepherded back to front of house, feeling calmer now their apologies were done. Anything more they wanted to say could wait a while now, and hopefully wouldn't require tracking down Remus to someone else's usual hang outs.

/\/\

Logan was nervous as he headed to Janus and Remus's apartment. He'd spent most of his evenings before and after the one trip to see Roman's show with Thomas working through his emotions surrounding both inhabitants as well as towards the situation. Now it was only reasonable that he tried to discuss them directly with the pair but he was unclear how that would be received, especially by Janus.

By the time he was knocking on the door he'd decided that it could wait until they were eating, probably after the first film had ended. That way he'd be more relaxed and comfortable about saying anything, as well as having at least had some fun for the evening should he get rejected now.

“Hey Lo, come on in. Remus had to run back to the theatre, something about leaving a project there last night but he'll be back soon.” Janus greeted as he opened the door, the greeting now familiar.

“That's fine. Do you need me to help set up at all?” Logan nodded, removing his shoes and coat so they could be left near the door.

There were more blankets and cushions in the living room than there were usually and a few bowls of snacks had already been placed on the coffee table, primarily popcorn. Logan had a few healthier snack foods in his bag that he started getting out to add to the collection. Hopefully they would get eaten too since everyone needed more vitamins and fibre even on junk food nights.

Janus just shook his head. “Everything's ready for when we're all here. Just make yourself comfy and we'll decide what to watch first. House rules say whomever is here first gets first choice of film.”

“So can we start with 'Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy'?” Logan really hoped they'd like science fiction or at least watch it with him.

They fell into discussing the various films they could watch after realising that Hitch-hikers wasn't available from their streaming service. It was enough to have them both more relaxed up until the door seemingly threw itself open, soon followed by a green, yellow and pink blur heading towards Janus's head.

“I've got things to say and there's no film happening until I've said them, so you morons better have brought your listening ears with you.” Remus screeched, following the blur as Logan managed to catch it just before impact. His lunge and angry point was entirely missed by Janus blinking at the sculpture an inch from his nose although Logan was definitely turning from the shape he couldn't recognise from the angle of his catch and the man in the doorway.

It took a moment before either of the pair on the sofa moved again, Janus bringing his hands up to the model, finding the attached stand to put it the right way up on his lap. “And saying your piece involves throwing a scientific model of a heart at my face? I'm not sure how well talking to somebody unconscious works unless you want silent agreement or perhaps privacy with Logan.” He commented, placing the model down and beginning to stand.

“You're involved too, Loki, so sit that butt right back down. Leaves and Petals would need to be a lot faster than I threw that to knock you out.” Remus didn't give him the choice to do much else, already shoving his shoulder down while picking up his heart model. “Actually, I'm starting with a question, Jormungandr, just how long have I been leaving mint leaves about? Roman said you've mentioned it being long before last month.”

Janus glanced over to Logan for a moment, meeting eyes and trying to figure out if the other had any clue what was happening and shaking their heads at each other. With that conclusion made Janus turned his mind back over months of attempting to keep the flat halfway clean. “Probably the first time I recognised mint as an noticeable part of what you left behind was February or March so 7 or 8 months ago I suppose. Is that important to this evening's lecture?”

“I'm sure Professor X would prefer I call this a demonstration. Well, Halo, are you ready for my talk to begin?” Remus had pulled the coffee table a little further back to place his model on top of and was now waiting for Logan to actually join in the conversation since he'd yet to speak up since catching it.

“By all means, please begin. But can I just ask, is this made from your emotions? I recognise the peppermint and tulips as plants I've heard mentioned around you recently.” Logan was leaning forwards, trying to identify what leaves or flowers were in the model. He couldn't be certain if the other leaves were dandelion or one of the smaller types of lettuce without a closer look and was equally torn between saying the yellow petals were from a sunflower or a chrysanthemum.

Remus nodded his head wildly enough he stood a chance of getting whiplash. “Yup, let's get down to the root of my emotions shall we? Starting with the last two weeks that have been pure loneliness despite how constantly I've been with Virgil, Roman or Patton. Honestly I'm beginning to wish we could cough up seeds with how many sunflower petals I've been seeing. At least then I could have a snack each time I just wanted to come and yell until the loneliness is gone.

“Did you enjoy the break from having to clean up my leaves while I was gone, Eragon? Cause Roman is claiming that you must be a saint to put up with it. Congrats on getting canonised.” Remus was poking at the yellow patches as he spoke. “That was why I kept away. If it's so distasteful to you to deal with my good days, it only seemed reasonable while going through crap to avoid you.”

Janus frowned at that explanation. It made sense but also didn't seem similar to the past reactions that complaint had received at all. “I've seen you go through plenty of bad days and the most my complaints have ever caused is a model to be made, such as the one you're poking.” He remarked.

Somehow when Remus threw his hands up in a dramatic gesture he'd managed to get a ruler from somewhere which he then started using to point out the dandelion leaves. “Of course not, because of the emotion that's long been an old friend of mine. I've known I'm in lust with you for years, Logan for months as well. Dandelion leaves are easily one of my favourite things to taste. Hot guys that would just as soon tear someone to pieces as hear them state lies as facts, what more could a gremlin want to lust after? In fact it's essentially the veins of me at this point, carrying through all the other emotions that make me up.”

Indeed the model had the veins beginning made out of dandelion leaves, and they seemed to hold the structure of the heart with the petals woven between the pieces.

Logan leant forwards, opening his mouth to say something but was silenced with a finger to his lips before any noise could be made. Remus clearly wanted his demonstration to only include audience participation when he invited it. “Not so fast, Professor Peacock, I've got two more emotions to go into lots of explanations about before you get to say your piece. Yours was said backstage at the show.”

Remus turned his back to them for a moment, poking at the tulip petals curiously despite being the one to make the model. He started walking around it as he spoke again, still not looking back at either of them,“I thought going in order of their appearance would be the best way but screw it, you were pretty vulnerable before Ro-ro chased you out so let's cover the tulips and that fantastic dress. Did you get Virgil's uses for it? He thought just having a dress like that for the ball was too much work for too little so it got a second half scene. First appearance getting her heart broken and the second picking it up off the floor to love herself regardless. Lovely bit of symbolism given how much Python wants me to be picking myself up off the floor constantly, right?

“I just wanted to put my heartbreak into something pretty and before either of you suggest I'm over dramatic, silence and freezing like that felt like this” Remus stabbed his ruler straight through the middle of the heart, glaring over the top of it at them. “There's a difference between letting people know the things which show my emotions and actually telling you what I'm really feeling and between the pair of you that evening?” Remus dragged the ruler down, shredding away all the petals and leaves holding the model together showing a lot more tulip petals filling most of the heart.

“Roman was confused when I got to his. I'd yelled about getting new leaves but was easily accepting Patton's need to comfort. Then he saw the tulips and sure, another new plant for both of us but something so clearly negative for me didn't need an explanation immediately.”

Remus took a deep breath then, meeting Logan's eyes and then Janus's taking in the apologetic and almost horrified expressions his description and actions had caused. “I know. Neither of you intended harm. We're all just solo ships trying to figure out the oceans without capsizing or causing damage to others and I've already forgiven you for all of that. It's a bit of heartbreak and I can't say I was acting much like myself in running away rather than facing it head on. That's what this is all for, facing the people closest to me, and my own emotions getting laid out on the table so the petals can fall where they will.”

“Tulips are for heartbreak?” Logan's voice was hesitant, hushed as though he didn't want to interrupt but couldn't keep the words in.

Remus just nodded, “Such a pretty colour for something so harsh. I always thought it would be something garishly bright. Fluorescent or something.” He agreed, grabbing a handful that had spilt from the model to examine it before dumping them in the bin.

A glance at Janus showed his gaze turning a little calculating and a little uncomfortable. “Well, I've been told what the last plant means so should I be giving you privacy now?” He offered, shifting as though about to get up again.

“No, because you confirmed what I should have registered sooner. The leaves that started these horrible weeks have been around for a while now, honestly longer than I've loved Logan to any degree, let alone strong enough to form them.” Despite the main colour around the model now being the pink from tulip petals Remus could reach into it and pull out peppermint leaves easily.

He remained silent, holding them out towards the pair. Logan took one, pausing to inspect it. “It means relief for me. It's one of the only emotions I've been able to work out. Pat gave me a contact that might help get studies to discredit if not at some point outlaw petal therapies.”

“When I get peppermint it's because I'm really proud of something.” Janus muttered, silently trying to figure out the chances of them all sharing the same plant for various emotions.

Remus smiled a little at their comments. “And we all know that for me it means love. I love you, both of you actually. It would be bad for me to expect an immediate response but I really do need at least something, even if it's just a ‘you'll think about it and let me know’ how you feel about me this time next week. I'm expecting what, charts and diagrams from Logan and Janus finding a jazz song that somehow perfectly expresses it all to try and outdo my demonstration.”

The remark got a laugh from Janus, although Logan was now reaching towards his bag. “I will say we should probably order some food now, before we get into another talk like that one.” Janus suggested, glancing at the clock and mildly surprised that if they had ever started a movie the first one would have finished already.

“On it. I'm getting Chinese and ordering pizza and desserts too. It's a race of deliveries.” Remus called, grabbing his phone and hurrying out of the room for a moment. It was clear he'd gone through a lot of emotions in the demonstration and just needed a break before facing any reaction they might give.

At first Logan thought Janus was just clearing up the petals but after a few moments it became clear that while the majority of tulip petals were being brushed into a bin he'd pulled over Janus was doing everything he could to repair the damage the ruler had done to the model. “I've got a few peppermint leaves in my bag if you need extra to repair it.” He commented, the spider maps he'd brought still rolled up and balanced against the end of the sofa.

“I think an extra pair of hands and some spare leaves might actually be enough to get this damage mostly repaired.” Janus nodded, shifting enough for them to work together on repairing it.

/\/\

Remus wasn't sure quite how to react when he came back. Part of him wanted to throw his arms around the pair, cooing at their cute attempts to fix his heart, the other part wanted someone else to have their emotions on display for a bit instead.

He leapt over the table, Janus and Logan to throw himself on the sofa. “Food's on it's way, sounds like we're starting with dessert from their delivery times. Now where are you getting all the peppermint to do those repairs? Did someone run to the shops while I was upstairs?”

Logan cleared his throat, standing as it seemed they wouldn't get much further with repairs. “No, I had them in my bag. Roman mentioned something about knowing my own emotions which has me rather wanting to keep the leaves or petals from them for the time being. It seemed fitting that they should go to try and repair at least the metaphor for the hurt I caused.” He explained, going to pick the maps up again. “Although after getting my brother’s help to understand at least some of my emotions I was hoping to talk about a few of them with you tonight as well.”

“Talk, show, or did you write us letters you hoped could be left until the end of the evening?” Remus suggested, waving a hand before one of the rolled up pieces was placed into it.

Janus had been handed the other one and merely blinked at Logan, silently questioning what it was.

“I'm not likely to ever be good at emotional words so, well, it's probably better for you to look at those and then perhaps let me know what you'd understand my emotions to be. Just in case Thomas guided me incorrectly while we tried to identify them.” Logan muttered, waiting until they each unrolled the spider maps and started reading through them.

He had started the evening wanting to talk about them, about the likelihood he loved them, if not as deeply as Remus did, but in that moment words had failed him. As he waited, he ran through a couple of breathing exercises, calming down as best he could despite the nerves running through him.

Remus interrupted that by tackling him with a hug. “Aww, Glasses Gay loves me and I love him. This makes us boyfriends now, right? Say I'm right, please, pretty please?”

Logan focused more on twisting in the hold to try and face both Remus and Janus at once instead of replying. Both pages had explained similar emotions, so even with one confirmation he still wanted to see the second response.

Janus responded in his stead, still reading through the spider map on his lap but watching his friends closely too, “I suppose that is the logical progression of your relationship given this evening.” He shrugged his shoulders enough his hat started to fall before being stolen by Remus who had suddenly jumped close.

“Nope, no hiding feelings this evening hat boy. Show me your flowers.” By the time Janus had registered the hat being stolen and Remus's hands being placed in front of him he couldn't hold the plants back, oak leaves and crocuses falling onto his lap as he avoided coughing onto Remus.

He had wanted to say so much to Logan, barely understanding how the map he'd been given was actually about him, but Remus was there first, always beating him to the words and the chance of a relationship. It was obvious that with how the evening was going that in moments Janus would need to explain what the plants meant, and how he was feeling.

“If it helps those two maps depict what are extremely similar emotions so if Remus and Thomas both believe it to be romantic, perhaps Janus could also be our boyfriend?” Logan suggested, somehow understanding the hesitancy he was having.

Remus remained still at the suggestion, watching for the next reaction for a moment longer.

“It would not be right of me to intrude, despite how sorrowful it makes me to say this. It relieves me to know that you two are finally getting together. I've seen the glances and moments you've shared plenty of times. You will be happy together but I cannot imagine there's an easy way for me to be included in your relationship.” Janus was careful with his words, trying not to cause more pain but also well aware of what he could now be giving up. “My emotions are not so clear as yours are.”

The words of rejection had rather the opposite effect, causing both men to stand so they could sit either side of him. “Do I need to take that apart all over again? You love me enough to want to put my heart back together even when it's just a model I've torn apart.” Remus offered, already reaching for anything in arms reach that he could use.

“No. Your models should be preserved. You always put so much detail into them, even if that's just to protest being told to clear your plants up.” Janus grabbed his hand to stop any action, only to freeze when Logan pulled him backwards into a hug.

“And you cared for me, even while I was too confused over my own emotions to understand anything beyond not seeing Remus being a very negative change to my life.” Logan added.

Janus was still shaking his head as Remus sandwiched him into the embrace. “Face it Sunshine, You're included in this relationship toothpaste: Triple action to create, improve or convince our lives to be better. Only one stopping you is you.”

“Shouldn't we actually talk about being poly first? I have no clue how this is gonna work?” Janus gave in, accepting what they were saying but still a little hesitant.

Remus just cackled, “Nah, all I wanna know is if Logie is moving in tomorrow or waiting for a bit?”

“Definitely waiting a while and we have all evening to talk and eat so why don't we go through all of our concerns and desires?” Logan suggested, standing up as there was a knock on the door. “In fact I think that must be at least some of the food now.”

Remus remained attached to Janus while Logan answered the door, whispering, “I can kiss you now, right? Are you okay with that?”

Their lips meeting was his reply. Janus finally relaxed into what was being decided, melting into the kiss as Remus buried a hand in his hair. 

Once the door shut, Logan's lips weren't long to join, kissing their cheeks until they separated and his lips could meet another's. Even watching Remus kiss Logan felt comforting rather than the isolation that Janus had been expecting would come with the scene since everything began weeks ago.

[another-snape-story]

Night of Confessions

Chapter XV

After hastily bandaging his leg, Snape hurried straight to your private quarters. The other day he’d never had a thought of visiting you in such a late hour, but tonight everything was different.

“Please, open it,” he knocked at your door. “I need to talk to you…”

No answer followed.

His head almost resting on the wooden surface, Snape called out your name over and over again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he repeated – all in vain. Not a sound, not a rustle was to be heard from inside.

Frustrated, torn by hatred for himself, he gave up. The flat of his palm hit the door one last time and hopelessly slid down. Devastated, he remained standing there at the threshold, realizing he’s lost the only source of joy in his miserable life. But – what if you were not there? What if –

Snape rushed up to the Entrance Hall and out across the Viaduct Courtyard, past Greenhouses, right to your office. The last bit of hope which smoldered inside him now flared up, once he saw a dim light seeping through its windows.

Stepping carefully, almost stealthily, Snape found you curled up in the armchair. Unaware of someone’s presence, you cried quietly, yet selflessly. Snape’s heart shattered into pieces. Remorse mercilessly clenched its fists around his conscience, as he watched you through the doorway, not daring to enter. It was the first time he saw you crying. Tormenting awareness of being the reason of your tears seemed unbearable. Each second of hesitation caused excruciating pain. Unable to endure this any longer, Snape strode inside.

You jerked, frightened by unexpected stir at the entrance. A brief look was enough to recognize your visitor. You held your breath to suppress weeping and turned away not to let him see your face.

“Leave,” wiping tears away, you rose up to your feet and walked up to the windowsill, where fancy pots with various plants lined up a quaint multitude. Vision still hazy, absentmindedly, you stroked the leaf; not that it was dusty – you just needed to put your hands somewhere.

“No.” Snape slowly approached you from behind. There you stood – so fragile, so vulnerable. Your shoulders still shuddered a little. He instinctively reached out to wrap you into his arms, but stopped halfway – you wouldn’t accept him, not now. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Words came out hard. “I’m not expecting you’d ever forgive me… I lied about the dog…”

No matter how wrong everything turned out just a while ago, internally you felt the need of having him beside. The fact that he came after you, that he found you here in the middle of the night meant he didn’t wish to leave this matter unresolved. Neither did you. You were ready to forgive him just for that.

Uncertainly, you turned to face him. A short woeful glance – and you lowered your head, embarrassed of how ugly, unattractive you might’ve looked.

“The forbidden corridor. That’s where I’ve been,” Snape continued. “The dog bit me, when I tried to find out who was after the stone…” His thoughts seemed to twist together into a confused mass – there was so much he wanted to say, but couldn’t put into words. “I lied to protect you! Keeping you safe – that was my only motivation. And this letter... the moment you saw the inscription… I worried about you! If you needed any sort of help, you could always count on me – that’s all I actually wanted you to know,” he sighed despondently. “I have no excuse for those words, I can’t explain why I had to say it. Of course, you don’t have to – Merlin… I’m bringing it up again…”

Shocked, overwhelmed with gratitude, yet hopeless, demolished with guilt – overflown with emotions – you threw yourself onto his chest.

“If I tell you, you’ll never want to look at me again,” you whined desperately. “You’ll despise me!”

You felt his hands land mildly on your shoulders, as he drew you closer.

“I swear – whatever you say, it won’t change my attitude towards you,” Snape promised quietly, his heart bleeding out.

“Oh yes, it will! It will, Snape!” you sobbed, clutching at his robes. You were so afraid of losing him, but now it seemed to be inevitable.

Without words, he pressed you tighter to himself and rested his chin on top of your head. He would hold you in his arms as long as you needed to calm down.

Tiny forks of flame continued dancing on the candlewicks, lightening two motionless figures merged into one another.

Realizing it couldn’t last forever, you pulled back a little, slipping out of Snape’s hold. Wrecked, emotionally drained, you stood before him utterly exposed. It was pointless to worry what he might think about your swollen face with tears smeared all over any more – another few minutes, and he would never turn his head in your direction.

“Come here,” Snape walked you to the armchair, his voice as soft as his touch. The man’s attention made you want to cry again, and your lips twitched. “Here we go,” he helped you sit, so carefully, as if you were not able to do it yourself and took place on the other armchair, opposite to yours.

“If you still want me to leave – I will…”

You vigorously shook your head.

“Okay… We don’t need to talk, you know. Let’s just sit here for a while…”

“It’s a long story,” you warned him apathetically, resigned with the worst outcome, which was now not to be avoided. What was the sense of delaying it?

“We have enough time till the morning,” Snape smiled mildly, but you didn’t answer.

“Before coming to Hogwarts, I was working in the Scientific Wizarding Assembly. You know it, I suppose.”

He nodded.

“I quitted because my boss was an asshole. He stole my research results. No credit of course. I was so pissed, I wanted to take the shit out of him.”

Snape listened attentively, his eyes fixed on you.

“I falsified some data, hoping he’d screw up. But he just gave it a go! Without testing!” your voice trembled. “Six men were injured severely, two men died! I didn’t mean that, Snape…” tears streamed down your cheeks. You covered your face with your palms, “I had no intention to harm someone…” you wept.

Snape frowned, deep in thought. “Do you still have this letter? May I have a look?”

His question surprised you. You’d expect anything, but this! You weakly came up to your working place, picked the creased sheet of paper and handed it to Snape, who followed you to your desk. You sagged back into the armchair, while he remained standing, intently studying the content.

“That’s where hurt pride and ambitions led me…” you sighed grievously, “…to Azkaban… I deserve this…”

“Stop it. No Azkaban.” His tone so firm, so resolute – the one hard not to believe.

“He says he’s going to imprison me…”

“Just words. Did you answer him?”

“Not yet.”

“Good.” The letter in his hands, Snape slowly strode across the room back and forth, his eyes running through the lines, and yours following his every movement. “So the accident happened after your dismissal.”

You nodded.

“They used your materials without contacting you,” he specified, and you nodded again.

“They carried no tests before bringing your data in operation,” Snape continued summing up the facts.

“He didn’t say it,” you sniffled, “but it’s evident according to the consequences.”

“It is,” he agreed. “Was it an accomplished piece of work?”

“Yes,” you sighed.

“Signed or officially approved any other way?”

“No.”

“It is not valid,” he gave you an encouraging smirk. “Ignore this man. Do not answer his letters. Especially – don’t try to exonerate yourself. The case will be investigated, we don’t need unwanted details to be revealed, do we?”

“But people died, Snape!” you exclaimed, bursting into tears again.

He carelessly threw the damned piece of paper aside and hurried to comfort you.

“It’s not your fault,” sitting on the edge of the armchair, he leaned forward and took your hands in his. “It’s not your fault, don’t blame yourself.”

“You’re not disappointed? Not disgusted?” you looked at him in disbelief.

“I have no reason to be,” he tightened his grip to let you know he really meant it.

“I’m sorry, Snape… I’m so sorry for throwing stupid reproaches you in the face,” you cried, unable and unwilling to hold back.

“It’s okay,” his quiet deep voice caressed your ears, while his hands caressed yours.

“I do trust you! I do! Truly! Entirely!” eyes locked on his, you desperately tried to see if he believed you.

Snape smiled sadly. “There are still many things I can’t tell you.”

“Yeah… I bet,” you gasped for air to even your breathing. “Maybe someday?”

“Maybe someday…” he reassured.

Relieved, untensed, you both sat in silence for a while.

“Snape?” you called him in barely a whisper.

“Hm?” his detached glance regained meaningfulness, as he raised his head to look at you.

“May I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.” Although the serious tone of yours suggested it would be tough, Snape couldn’t reject you at this point.

“But promise to be honest with this one?”

Your eyes full of hope, would he dare to betray them?

“You’re putting me in a difficult position,” not very happy with available options, Snape sniggered bitterly.

“Please? Just one answer to just one question.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

“Have you ever done really bad things?” you asked, peering him in the eyes.

Calculating, what would damage your relationship more – if he lied or if he told the truth, doomed, Snape dropped his head. And this already was the answer.

“Don’t…” you stopped him, not willing to force the man so dear to you to say it aloud. “I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry…”

“I have,” he admitted. “Really – bad – things.” It took him all his courage to look at you again.

You’ve never thought you’d ever be so happy to hear a thing like that. You freed one hand from his grip and put it atop.

“Whatever it is,” you smiled gratefully, “my attitude towards you wouldn’t change.”

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[vintagesimstress]

VI a. UV_0

(Previous: V. Adding missing body parts / Frankenmeshing / Finishing touches)

As promised, I'll finally talk about uv maps today. About time! Sorry it took so long; I hope at least you'll feel that it was worth the wait.

Generally speaking, uv maps are 2D representations of a 3D mesh. A mesh cut into pieces and made flat. TS4 meshes use two of them, called – very originally – uv_0 and uv_1. You can see them listed if you click the little triangular symbol in the panel on the very right (if you hover over the triangle, it says 'Data').

Why are there two? Because they serve very different purposes. To put it simply, uv_0 is responsible for the texture of your mesh, while uv_1 makes the mesh move with body sliders. Therefore we'll need to discuss them separately. Let's start with uv_0.

As you can see, uv_0 is the one selected by default. If you switch the mesh shading to 'Material' or 'Texture', you're going to immediately see any changes you make to it. The map itself is located in the window on the left – the one which we haven't used so far at all. Let's go into edit mode and then make that window bigger, so that we could see all the icons at the bottom.

Right now nothing is happening there. But let's just try selecting a random part of the mesh...

Important: when you use shortkeys, pay attention to your cursor's position! E.g. if you press b with your cursor in the uv map area, it'll activate the selection tool for the map, not for the 3D mesh.

You can see that a bunch of little dots appeared on the map! Those are your selected vertices.

Now, I don't know why this is the default option for Blender – your vertices being invisible on the uv map unless selected – but you can easily change it, so that you could always see them. You just have to click one of those tiny icons at the bottom. If you hover over it, it says 'Keep UV and edit mode mesh selection in sync'.

I find it way easier to work with this way: you can see all the vertices, and the ones which you selected are highlighted now, just like in case of the 3D model.

Then there's another important tiny button, right between 'UVs' and 'New'. If you click it, you'll see a list of all texture files associated with your mesh. In my case it's only two basic files: the body texture and the texture of the top I used as a base, but if you're frankenmeshing, that list can get much longer. Let's choose the original diffuse map.

You can see that the map reflects perfectly whatever is going on with the 3D mesh. The parts not covered by any texture use the skin texture instead. Not the whole texture of the top is used, because at the very beginning I cut off the bottom part of the mesh. There's also an abundance of vertices in the waist area, because I extruded the lowest row of vertices to make a skirt; and, as I didn't make any changes to the uv map yet, the new vertices appeared right on top of the original ones. In fact, if you select that lowest line on the uv map, you'll see that the whole skirt gets selected.

UV maps can also be useful for detecting weird stuff happening to your mesh. I can see that there's some line going across the top. I switched to edge select, selected it and found out it really is some completely useless edge going through my 3D mesh. No idea how it got there, but thanks to the uv map I could spot and delete it.

Just a couple of other tiny icons before we proceed to fixing our uv_0 map. Firstly, there's the little pin, which let's you – unsurprisingly – pin the currently used texture, so that Blender wouldn't switch to any other ones (yep, it likes doing it). Just click it and you're safe.

And then, right next to it, there's a little cross. Remember what I said about the list of used textures getting super long if you're frankenmeshing? It can get annoying if you don't need 80% of them, but have to scroll through them all whenever you want to switch from texture A to texture B. If you're sure you don't need a certain texture, select it and then shift-click that little cross. That'll tell Blender that this texture is not used, so it doesn't have to load it. You'll need to save your mesh, close Blender and reopen it for the changes to be applied!

OK. Now that you have an idea what's what, we can finally talk about editing the uv_0.

In case of TS4 diffuse maps, it's very important where you put your texture. Each category has its designated part on the map. It looks like this:

You can download the template in default, EA size (1024x2048) HERE, and a twice bigger one (2048x4096) HERE. In my own creations I always use the 2048x4096 format – it lets me fit in way more details without stuff getting badly pixelated – but that's obviously not a must. Now, at the bottom of the uv window, click 'Image' and then 'Open image'. Find the template you just downloaded and double-click it (or choose 'Open image').

Whatever you do with your uv map, there are two basic rules you have to follow. One, fit the vertices only in the place meant for the category you're working on. If you're making a dress, you can ignore the top/bottom division (although be aware that if you do ignore it, you won't be able to split your dress into separates), but that's the only exception. Don't let your vertices go into the shoes or face area. If you're making a skirt, stick to the area marked as bottom. If you're making a top, fit them all in the area marked as top. It seems obvious, but I've seen sooo many CC pieces which are incompatible with each other, because their textures overlap. Some of them are beautiful and even made by really well-known, established creators. So I think it doesn't hurt to overstress this point a bit. Please pay attention to it!

And two: don't move anything which is supposed to be bare skin. Or half-transparent texture printed on top of the skin (not 3D). It's an absolute no-no. Terrible stuff will happen if you do it. If you accidentally did it, then... Oh boy. You may try to move it back into the right position, but maybe it'd be easier to just delete those parts altogether and just append them anew (as explained in the previous part).

As for the parts which you intend to texture – so, in this case, your dress – you can theoretically put them anywhere you want (that is, as long as you stay in the top/bottom area and don't overlap the bare skin parts). Your map doesn't necessarily have to look like the ones made by EA. However, I think not following the EA style (top on the left, bottom underneath, sleeves on the right, any extra deco in the free slots) may result in your clothing being sunbathing-incompatible. I can't say for sure, as I don't have Island Living, so my sims don't tan, but I suspect the tan lines depend exactly on your uv_0 map. I don't think it makes any difference in case of Victorian dresses, but if you're making something more modern, which could leave some visible tan lines, you probably shouldn't go too wild while making your uv_0 map.

Let's go back to our dress. Because we used the top as a base, half of the work is already done. We only need to 'unwrap' the skirt (and any decorations, if you added them). There are 4 ways in which I usually approach it:

1) Selecting the rows in 3D view and moving them manually (g, y) on the uv map

It's not very practical now, when the skirt is already full of those horizontal lines, but at an earlier stage it would have been very quick and easy. The important thing is, you should do it before adding 'fillers' (i.e. those lines which you don't move, scale or whatever, but just add them and leave them as is). Depending on the size of your dress, you probably achieved the desired shape with 3-5 lines. Move them on the uv map, make sure the proportions look correct (you can always try to open some patterned image for a second, to see if everything looks ok – see part VI b) and only then add the fillers. They'll automatically appear in the right places on the map.

2) Cylinder projection

You can also decide to unwrap the skirt. Select it, either in the 3D mesh or uv map window. Now, with your cursor in the 3D mesh window, press t to unhide the panel on the left and go to the 3rd category: 'Shading/UVs'. In the UVs section you'll see a button called 'Unwrap'. If you click it, a drop-down menu will appear, with different unwrapping styles/options. Choose 'Cylinder projection'. Watch out: your viewpoint matters! Before you unwrap, go to the right side view (num 3).

I took the screenshot from the wrong side, please pretend you didn't notice (-.-)

A whole bunch of new vertices should appear on your uv map – in a completely wrong place. We'll have to move them under the top. You'll notice, however, that if you try to move, scale or do whatever else with your skirt, it affects the lowest line of your top as well. That's because the top line of the skirt and the bottom line of the top are actually the same vertices, just duplicated on the uv map. You could select only that one line and edge split it (ctrl + e, in the 3D view), but an easier way around it is simply switching from vertex select to face select. Face select has some special powers when it comes to uv maps: it lets you not only move stuff separately, but also select parts of the mesh with L (multiple select with shift + L). Neither of those things works when in vertex or edge select mode.

Now you can simply scale the selection down and put it under the top. Adjust it in any way necessary, so that it'd align with the top nicely. Make sure that the faces are in the right places! Select the bottom-left face of the top and then, in the 3D view window (left side view, ctrl + num 3), click the face right underneath it. Is it the top-left one of the skirt on the uv map? If so, perfect! If not, you've got some manual moving to do. Just select any faces which are in the wrong place and move them along the x axis (g, x) till they are placed properly.

It should look fine by default though. That's exactly why we went to the right-side view before unwrapping.

If your skirt goes into the shoes area, scale it down along the y axis! (g, y)

Now the only thing left to do is to weld the vertices and get rid of the gap between the skirt and the top. Go back to vertex select and select the second vertex from the left. You'll see that – just as before – a vertex of the top gets highlighted too. Press W and, from the drop-down menu, choose 'Weld'.

Do the same for all the vertices in that line, except for the first and last one.

What about the first and last one? The problem is, they are all actually the same vertex. If you select  any of them, you'll see that the other one gets highlighted as well. Welding them would make them meet in the middle, and that's not something you want to happen. So what can you do? This time there's no other way around it than splitting. Select the whole vertical line (either the left or right one), move the cursor to the 3D view area, press ctrl + e and choose 'edge split'.

Now you should be able to weld each of those vertices separately. When you're done, select all (a) and (in 3D view) remove doubles (w).

And that's basically it. Of course, if you want to, you can dedicate some more time to your uv map, making sure everything looks absolutely perfect. You can, for example, edit certain lines – or all – and make them perfectly straight. Just select a line, press w and choose 'Align x/y'. It's especially useful for deco parts – you'll see what I mean once you get to texturing.

3) Professional tailoring (marking seams)

This method is quite crazy, but can be very useful in some cases – e.g. if you're making a patterned dress with a huuuuge skirt and want the pattern to look even. To use it, you have to imagine for a second that you're a tailor/seamstress and that your mesh is a real dress, made from real pieces of material. Where would this material be cut and sewn together?

Once you know where the seams would be, go to edge select mode and, well, select those edges. Then press ctrl + e and choose 'Mark seam'. Make sure you really mark all the seams which would be there in case of a real dress!

Once you're done, select your whole dress (or whatever it is that you're making). Do not select body parts! Once again go the panel on the left (if it's not there, unhide it with t) and this time simply select 'Unwrap'.

And now just go to face select, scale down the results of your unwrapping and put them anywhere (but in the right category :P). If something looks wrong, that most probably means you forgot to mark some seam. You'll have to go on a search for it. I'll be honest: I have zero idea of sewing, so using this method is quite tricky for me and I'm struggling myself with marking all the right edges as seams. I used it only twice so far, in my last 2 projects. Here's how my 1843 dress looks like after unwrapping:

As you can see, the uv map is plain crazy and, as mentioned before, definitely not tanning-compatible, but thanks to it later I didn't have to adjust the pattern to each part of the mesh individually – I could just fill the whole texture with pattern and only had to erase it from the parts which were supposed to be uncovered. It does make your life easier if you make 66 swatches :P.

4)  Projecting from view

Yet another unwrapping option, useful mostly for smaller, decorative elements. Or in general: for stuff which you can see properly. I use it mostly for bottoms (I mean... That thing 'closing' the dress at the bottom). Go to the bottom view (ctrl + 7), select the whole bottom part (might be easier to do on the uv map, now that you've unwrapped the skirt!) and, from the unwrap drop-down menu, select 'Project from view'.

Go to face select, scale the thing down and put it somewhere in the area for decorative elements. For example here:

Done!

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Here's also a small general tip: it's always better to separate clothing parts from body parts on the uv_0 map. I'm thinking especially of the neckline. It's the only way to get a sharp, clear line; if you just paint the neckline in your graphic editor, it'll become blurry in game. It seems that the devs realised it at some point too, as at least some pieces from later DLCs have a gap in the uv_0 between the neck and the collar. Just select the whole top-bottom area, deselect the neck and move the part which should be textured a bit down.

***

Whichever method you chose, your dress has a ready uv_0 map. Now there's only one thing left to do: you should export the uv layout, so that you'll know where to put your texture. At the bottom of the uv map area, click 'UVs' and then choose 'Export UV Layout'.

A new window will appear. Save it wherever you want, under whichever name. The only important thing is, you must tick that little box on the left saying 'All UVs'. Then just click the 'Export UV Layout' button.

And that's all. Congratulations! You're fully done with your uv_0 map.

(Next: VI b. Changing the texture displayed in Blender)