#and if that is true. i must accept myself as i am. it has caused chronic illness and i am disabled by it.

[orcsexual]

Man working night shift unfortunately leads to night time revelations, which is the worse time to have revelations

[ezrasxfics]

some theatrebunny angst perhaps? maybe gangle feeling as if nobody really cares much about her and jax has to convince her otherwise? :3

(also hi ezra hope your days goin good)

you gotta be kidding me, you have plenty of people who care.

-

ribbun/theatrebunny

-

gangle pov

just.. another day. another day of looking at those fake smiles, hearing those forced words of reassurance. i know that none of them actually like me, so why do they have to keep pretending like they do? i mean, i’d hate for them to hate me, but i also hate them having to lie to keep me happy. i don’t want to be a burden.

at least one person doesn’t have to lie.

i glance over at jax, who’s messing with ragatha, as usual. he messes with all of us. it must be lonely, living like he does, but at least people don’t lie and pretend to like him. i can’t deny i’m a little jealous sometimes - he can just.. get people’s true colours out, in a way. it’s actually really interesting to watch.

he catches my eye, and starts to head over here, causing a small panic to set in me. i like being a spectator, not a victim.. is that cruel? i mean, im a cruel person, so why am i questioning that?

“hey, crybaby, how the hell’re you so down with that freakin’ happy mask of yours on?” he questions, and despite the wording, there’s not even a hint of malice behind his tone, just curiosity. surely there’s an ulterior motive, how would someone like him ever be.. well, not nice, but bearable??

“i guess.. i’m just tired of feeling like a- a burden-“ i stammer, looking up at him with wide, worried eyes. “everyone’s always so nice to me.. and i think they feel forced to-“

“bullsh*t,” he interrupts bluntly, making me flinch. “what reason to those guys have to hate you? you’re a decent person. you’ve not really done anything wrong, have ya?”

“i mean.. no, but-“

“yeah, no. it’s a one word answer, babe, and you’ve just finished it. you said no. so, you’ve done nothing wrong, they have no reason t’ hate ya. no ifs or buts, got it?” he interrupts again, eyebrows furrowed in sheer confidence in what he’s saying. but.. why is he being so kind? is he trying to lie like everyone else-? no. what would he have to gain from lying to me.? he’s not gonna risk his whole reputation just for a joke, right?? but, he could-? NO!! no, gangle, for once you need to take things at face value. he’s being nice. accept it and move on. let yourself enjoy the moment, it might be the only time this ever happens.

“yeah.. thank you, jax. i appreciate it— i’m sorry for bothering you-“

“you apologise way too much. it’s kinda pathetic-“ he jokes, but i can see the lightheartedness in it, and actually find myself laughing along.

why am i feeling like this? i’m supposed to hate him.. he’s caused me nothing but suffering since i got here, and yet, here i am, finally getting along with him? hoping things will change, and maybe we’ll be friends..? or more..? okay, maybe i’m being a little delusional on that part.. but i love the enemies to lovers trope, maybe a little too much..! i’m projecting again..

oh well, i guess a girl can dream.

and you know what they say, make your dreams come true.

<3

-

hey!! i’m actually doing pretty good, thanks for checking in!! i hope you’re good too, and thanks for the request!!

reblogs appreciated!!

[fantastic-wiles]

Hey! Congratulations on your engagement! I wish you and your fiancé the best! The fandom definitely misses their best Damian author, but we’re all happy for you

Who are your favorite Damian writers? Im sure nobody can quite live up to you lol, but I’d like to know who you read. My reading list has been dry lately, so I’m hoping to spruce it up with some good reads, and who better to ask then my fav author 💕

I don't really have favorite authors perse (also I am very flattered I'm you're favorite author 😭 that is the sweetest thing ever) but I do have favorite fics. You might have read these already but I'll link them below.

Bedrest Company - fishfingersandjellybabies

Summary: Sometimes Damian forgot just how much his father(s?) loved him.

Without a Doubt - AKnightOfAGoodKing

Summary: Nightwing informs the League that Batman and Robin have been kidnapped, and he offers them an ultimatum: either be there or don't, either way, the Bats will cause some hell. And Nightwing gets his revenge.

the man with guns for eyes - 8sword

Summary:

“Don’t blame him, little D. He gave me a choice.”

"He always makes it a choice," Damian mutters. "If you’re the one who makes the decision, it’s your fault if it’s the wrong one.”

(Dick comes back from the dead.)

Deterrent - DawnsEternalLight

Summary:

Deterrent: de·ter·rent noun a thing that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.

Or

Damian is hurt and Dick literally cannot touch him to help.

Easier said than done - dangerouscoffeetheorist

Summary:

This would work with Drake, who would roll his eyes and claim Damian is being prissier than usual and give him space, like one would a bear in hibernation. When Jason fully spins around, laying his book face up next to him, Damian recognises he is not dealing with Drake. Jason is intuitive. Jason is perceptive. Jason is looking at him far too closely. Jason is doing a very good impression of the look usually reserved for Dick. It’s very, big brotherly. -/-/-/- Damian is injured on patrol and Bruce doesn't do the usual post patrol check in. Jason finds him instead.

The Universe Doesn't Get to Take This - fishfingersandjellybabies

Summary:

“And they’re so important that you don’t come home to check on your recently un-amnesiac brother? And here, I thought I was your favorite.”

Like Father Like Us - OneWithHiccups

Summary:

His Father is in a compromising situation, and he's not going to make it. Damian has never seen anything like it--he's never seen the rest of the Justice League and even Dick and all the rest struggle and fail to help Batman.To help his father.If no one else can help, Damian will. He must.

Worthy of Everything - fishfingersandjellybabies

Summary:

Grayson, who had left them. Grayson, who didn’t remember a single thing. Grayson, who Damian had finally let himself accept was out of his life. Forever. Dead to him. Gone. And now his ringtone was going off.

Limbo - Alienu

Summary:

“You could have been the best of us if it weren’t for that little temper.”

(Damian dreams of another life.)

Hoard - JeanjacketCarf

Summary:

From his own parents, Father had inherited a vast wealth. Damian would receive three half-wits. And vast wealth, property, and land. But the part Father cared about, his actual addition to the hoard of the Wayne clan, were the half-wits.OrThree times Damian saves his father's investments and one time his brothers save him

wrap myself in a thin sheet of ice - emavee

Summary:

Damian falls victim to a witch's curse, giving him a week to live before his heart turns to ice. There is a cure, but there's no way someone like Damian would ever receive a kiss of true love.

Kidnapping 101 and How Not to be Successful - BleuSarcelle

Summary:

Damian grumbles low under his breath as he makes his way towards the manor’s parlor, his pre-written speech full of complains and the like regarding his family already memorized as he pushes the parlor’s door open and greets the odd Shakepearean worthy scene before his eyes.It’s far from their typical Thursday, Damian will give them that, but then there’s only one explanation left.“Oh, no.” Damian sighs from the door, dropping his shoulders in both exasperation and exhaustion. “Who died this time?”(Or the one where Damian Wayne crosses the country after a failed kidnapping to get back to his family and they all believe he's dead again. He's well aware that his skills and stuborness are not appreciated enough.)

[pseudowho]

Hello Ms Haitch,

I’m 26 years old and have never been in a relationship before. I have been in love and have gone out with guys before, but they’ve never progressed into us dating and becoming official, most often resulting in me heartbroken and ending up in terrible situationships that cause more grief than anyone can imagine. I even completely stopped looking for love these past two years, to give me time to grow into myself and know who I am and what I want from life.

All my friends and everyone else in my life don’t seem to have a problem with finding love or commitment, and deep inside, it kills me to know that they have the companionship that I yearn for. And approaching my late 20s when almost all my close friends have plans of starting families with their partners, I just can’t help but feel disheartened at what feels like my fate to be the designated single friend who would eventually have to settle for a reality I don’t want. But more often than not, even when I am comfortable with my singlehood, my closest friends push me to find a man and that makes me feel even more hopeless (especially with news of engagement parties and potential wedding dates entering my planner). Often in my lowest moments, I wonder if it is my looks or my personality that just icks people off.

I have put myself out in the dating world and have done everything from going to different clubs and events to find people that share my interests, to being set up by my friends. Heck, I even moved across the country for my job and still have no luck with a new and different crowd.

Do you have any advice on how to cope with being the leftover friend, because frankly, I don’t have it in me to hear another “your person is out there waiting for you!” or “you just have to put yourself out there!”

Thank you,

Anon

Hi!

I'm only sorry to say that while I haven't been in your position, I ache to hear it, and I'm sorry you're suffering such loneliness, and fear of the future. One of my closest friends is 37, and has been through much the same as you for quite some years, and struggles with the same. I shall advise you as I advise her.

I think you need to view this through a practical lens, as well as an emotional one. You know how you feel about this emotionally, and have verbalised it well; you're worried about not having this theoretical life partner for you, but also worried about how you are being perceived. In this vein, you are already spiralling down writing yourself off as (amongst others): unattractive, in possession of a bad personality, and leftover.

So, let's look at the practicality: the hard honest truths, the catastrophism, and the futures unknown. You ultimately don't know if you will meet your person tomorrow, in a week, in a year, or ten, or never ever. You need to accept, as a truth, that you absolutely must know and like yourself whether you are going to meet your person, or not.

The truth? You cannot place all of your hopes of happiness on a potential future that you know nothing of whether it will happen or not. Or, you can, but risk misery in the unknown intervening years. Your boat is going through this sea, and you need to be the one true constant. If you are waiting for happiness, or belonging, to happen, based on a theoretical maybe person, there is a chance you will be unhappy your whole life.

I'm a real 'plan for the worst, so if that happens I am prepared, but if anything better happens, it's a bonus' kind of girl. If you do meet your person, do you want to meet them in this state where you dislike yourself? Do you want to meet someone who may not be right for you, but for whom you lower your standards because your greatest fear is of being 'left behind'? Or do you want to meet either of these people as someone who has embraced either path that their life may take?

This sounds like such a write off. It will always feel that way, because you're clawing for an answer that nobody can honestly give you. Most people give you those 'life laugh love' recycled phrases, because they're uncomfortable confronting the truth; that you're unhappy, and lonely, and struggling, and I'm sure at points envious, and they don't know how to help you with it.

So in truth: I cannot help you with this, and I know that. I can only try to help you build the infrastructure you need to help you to weather the storm. I wish I could crystal-ball this for you; I'm sure if you knew, hands down, what your future held, it would be easier to cope with whatever is to come.

I wish I could give you something more concrete.

Tl;dr: You are not leftover. You are not food to be consumed or wasted. Whatever path your future takes, you can seize control, and choose to approach it with your head held high, or with the belief that you are worth nothing.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[byuno-o]

PLACEMENTS IN MY NATAL CHART WHICH ARE HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT BUT I'M TRYING

Leo moon in 5th house in 17th degree:

This must come as a no surprise because Leo moons aren't the most practical person in the room, and my Sagittarius side wants practicality all the time. Since I have it in 5th house in a Leo degree, my thoughts and emotions often end up coming out very dramatically- I often appear to become caricaturistic, which often downplays my anger and sadness since I express myself so dramatically. However, the depth of my feelings and emotions often causes me to lose my footing from within, as I go haywire trying to make sense of self and pin point the part which actually triggered me. But on the brighter side, I have often been called, "creative" and my art has been praised a lot so, I get happy sometimes. I deal with the negative feelings alone, but my face and actions often give it all up. One friend of mine actually point out that no matter what, I can never hide my disappointments and judgements and jealousy because of my who demeanour changes whenever I am feeling those feelings. And "lighting up the room" expression is very true for Leo placements, for I've been told that phrase personally very much. And I brag unintentionally (like now! God I hate it.)

2) Jupiter and Saturn Conjuction in 2nd house, but both of the planets are in retrograde:

First of all, my Jupiter is in Gemini, so this year is my Jupiter Return. And boy, am I feeling it. I don't think this is talked enough in astrology circle, but for females, Jupiter symbolises husband, and once you are well aware of the seriousness of institution of marriage, your Jupiter Return may bring a strong sense of wanting to get married.(I WILL WRITE ABOUT IT SOON! I NEED TO PUT IT OUT!!!)

So, since I have my Jupiter and Saturn in retrograde, the good things this rare conjuction brings are not good things for me. Since Jupiter is in the detriment, and Saturn is, well, in a nicer sign (I am using it loosely), I often deal with financial crunches and financial abundance abruptly. It's is never a stable thing, although I think this is my lesson. I used to get lucky a lot back when I was in school, given that I have Jupiter in 3rd house, and money easily came to me. But once, I entered into the adult world, bet conjuction was not and is not conjuction-ing the way it should be conjuction-ing. Luck isn't by my side as it used to be, and proving myself in the field I work in is an everyday challenge. But on the brighter side, I was always saved in the nick of the time. And the things I need always find me at the right time, although the things that I want need me to work harder than I do. Lemme know if you have this placement, and let's connect!

3) Mars in Libra in 7th house in 25 degree:

This is a detriment that I absolutely cannot look past. Since I have mars in the house of external relationships and in Aries degree, I appear catty and aggressive even when I don't want to--it's almost inbuild. And when I try to appear nice and quiet, guess what? I've told that I fake myself, and well, I look like I am cursing someone inside. And, I think that can also be seen in the way I write, since my friends had often asked me if I am annoyed or angry after reading my texts and whatnot. However, Libra does not help me. Since I take a long time to get angry, my actions don't help me--I appear passive-aggressive and just emotional all the time. I wish to master this placement, just to save all my relationships. Bwahahahaha.

4) Lilith in Aquarius in 11th house:

I think you already know the problems I might be having with this placement. I don't think people talk about this much, but whoever has Lilith in Aquarius or Lilith in 11th house always deals with friends turning on them, and feeling, or made to feel like an outcast most of the time. The more unique you appear, the more people pull away from you. Now add this placement with my Mars in Libra in the house of external relationships and Leo Moon in the house of creativity. I have always dealt with people who constantly put me down whenever it came to my creativity and ideas. There were even times, when my most trusted friends backstabbed me left and right. But then again, I'd rather be unique and alone than follow the herd and live in the constant fear of not mixing well enough.

5) Jupiter trine Neptune:

Now, let me tell you, this is one of those placements which can give you the best results only if the person can control the energy of their Neptune placements, since it is works with illusions, addiction, unbridled creativity and spirituality. And those stuff need proper guidance for successful channeling, for those are double-edge swords. So, now combining my retrograde Jupiter which is in detriment with Neptune in Aquarius in 11th house. Just know, my twisted luck is very much connected with the feeling of loneliness, but the thing is--I tend to internalise it. while I can connect with people easily, and creativity do come to me rather easily (not bragging), I tend to not connect with another soul in the level I would like it. My ramblings are taken lightly, and my ideas are often crushed. And the feeling of inferiority complex, and failure hit me harder than anything--if we combine Leo moon together with this placement, let me tell you, I tend to go numb, I even fail to speak for like days, until I isolate myself and work on my creativity. For me, I am strongly against addictions, but there was a time when I was heavily smoking, and I was kind of addicted to looking for validation from others, which only worsened my relationship with self and other souls. I hope to become a better person, though. And, this year is like a fountain of youth for me, for I feel alive again, and all the roads I've regretted taking have actually brought me to peace (that is until the next chapter of my life decides to test me).

So, that's it. I don't think any of these placements are wrong or bad or even negative. I just feel like these placements are harder for me to work with since there's many lessons associated with these, and I need to fall in order to stand up and fly.

So, do let me know what you think of this, and should I make a list of placements I love in my natal chart next? Drop by, I'd love to know more.

Also, thank you very much for the love you all are showing me. I am beyond grateful!!

[twilightmalachite]

Final Ceremony - Chapter 2

Characters: Fuyume, Esu, Hinata, Yuuta, Mitsuru, Tsukasa, Subaru, Ritsu, Mao, Keito, Izumi, Chiaki, Wataru, Nazuna, Leo, Sora, Hiyori, Jun, Ibara, Hiiro, Mayoi, Ibuki, Kanna, Raika, Nice

Translator: Mika Enstars

Proofreader: 310mc

❗️ This chapter was PARTIALLY voice-acted live at the 4piece Final Ceremony Live Event! The scripts for the live event and the in-game story are slightly different.

"Gahhh, I can’t breathe…! Subaru, little less strength, please~!"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Spring

Location: 4piece Final Ceremony Stage

Fuyume: Yume has an objection.

Why wasn’t Yume, the number one cutest, chosen? The judges must have no eyes to see. Yume would much rather you withdraw from the seat.

Esu: What are you talking abouUUUUT?! The one who should withdraw is you! Are you stupid?! Do you even know what’s going on?!

Aren’t I always telling you to stop causing trouble to the general publiIIIIC?!

Please excuse him! I’m so sorry! I’ll take responsibility for this guy and drag him elsewhere, please continue!

Fuyume: Ow. Don’t pull Yume like that, Esu. You’re too forceful.

Nazuna: Ahaha, aren’t those quite the newcomers~? Though, better to have one that has a strong backbone than one that’s weak, I suppose.

Keito: How incorrigible. These results are being broadcasted, you know.

This 4piece is considered a major event, attracting attention from leading figures from a variety of industries. Standing out in a bad way won’t do you any good.

Nazuna: That is true, isn’t it? Wow~, they might get chewed out later then, huh. You think they’ll be okay?

Mao: Dance Dream Unit…? And they chose me for it?! For real!?

Subaru: Hooraaay! This is amazing, Sally~! Congraaats!

Mao: Gahhh, I can’t breathe…! Subaru, little less strength, please~!

Subaru: Ahaha, sorry, sorry! I’m just so happy your hard work’s been recognized, Sally~! As if it were my own! ☆

…Hm?

Tsukasa: ……

Subaru: You good, Cathy~? Could you be in a state of shock?

Tsukasa: Huh? Oh, no. I was just thinking a little.

Of course, I personally feel a sense of frustration, but… In order to grow, I must accept these results, so I cannot let myself feel down.

And, I am also the Leader of Knights.

As their Unit Leader, I am overjoyed that Sena-senpai and Leo-san have been selected.

And so I was thinking about our Schedule for the future.

I was wondering if our Schedule might require some revisions now that we have Nice Dream Unit activities to consider.

Ritsu: Ooh~, as expected of Suu~chan. You’re starting to act more and more like a dignified “king”~. I’m so proud. ♪

Tsukasa: If that’s what you believe, then I request you to stop praising me like a child.

Ritsu: Hey, Maa~kun. I gave it everything I got, but it still wasn’t enough. Comfort me~.

I’m just such a poor thing, you know~? I deserve some pity and comfort, don’t I~?

Mao: Umm? You don’t look to actually be all that genuinely upset or anything to me, though?

Ibuki: Oh, huh. So I wasn’t selected, huh~.

Well, there’s no point sticking around, so I’mma get somethin’ to eat~.

Chiaki: …I did it! I DID IIIIT!

I’m so happy~! This feels like a victory I achieved together with RYUSEITAI and everyone else who lent their strength! ♪

Mitsuru: I was selected too~! I’m so happy, yanno! ☆

Raika: Chiaki-oniisan, Mitsuru-oniisan, congratulations on your victory! I too am so happy~!

Kanna: Hm? Is that… Hojo Raika-san? He was here too…?

Jun: …I won. I… won against Ohii-san…!

Hiyori: Congratulations. You did not do all too bad, Jun-kun! Things will end differently next time, though!

Jun: Yeah… Thanks so much.

…You’re acting a little unusually modest, huh, Ohii-san?

Hiyori: Because this is quite the inconvenience for me! It’s supposed to be your important duty to be at my immediate back and call to fulfill any wish I may have, Jun-kun…!

Jun: GODDAMN! There’s not a lick of modesty when it comes to you! You just want to make a slave outta me!

Jun: ……

(I’ve set my mind to it, so… I gotta tell everyone about it properly.)

Izumi: Heh. I can even win an audition if I put my mind to it, you know?

I may not have been able to gain as much recognition as I’d like overseas, but… That doesn’t mean I intend to give way to the next generation in Japan either, you know.

Leo: So I’m in the Dance Dream Unit? It doesn’t really feel real yet. But I don’t exactly dislike dancin’, so it’s fine, I guess?

I wonder if they’ve got a song prepared already?

If I’m dancin’ with a group like this, I think I’d be able to write a new song~. Though, maybe dancin’ to someone else’s song will be inspiring?

Hinata: If you were to dance with the winners of the audition, and have it be a song composed by you on top of that, Tsukinaga-senpai… Now that would be a crazy cheat code, for sure.

Ibara: …Yuuta-kun, you don’t seem all too disappointed, even though you were not selected.

Yuuta: Could say the same about you, Vice Prez.

Ibara: Because I can still achieve my goal, even if I am not selected. And since His Highness and Jun have been selected, this will be a perfect advertising opportunity for Eden.

Yuuta: I’m in a similar boat, then. We just prioritized a win for 2wink.

It’s not like I lost from this. I just didn’t get selected this time around.

And so, this place just didn’t turn out to be for me. That’s why I’ll just leave it to Aniki and get my own elsewhere.

Ibara: I don’t dislike that way of thinking. Although, it is one that’s difficult to have recognized.

Mayoi: Hiiro-san, congratulations on your placement in the Vocal Dream Unit.

Your singing really is so wonderful, Hiiro-san. I just knew you would be able to make the most out of this opportunity.

Hiiro: But I feel like it’s such a shame, Mayoi-senpai. How come it didn’t work out for you?

You’re so incredibly skilled, and all…

Mayoi: Oh, no no. I am very much aware of why it didn’t work out for me.

Besides, the valuable experience I acquired in that field is plenty enough for me.

Wataru: Oya oya, I didn’t expect that I would pass.

Sora: …?

Wataru: Oh? What is it, Sora-kun?

Sora: Sorry if Sora’s mistaken, he can’t see all too well right now, but…

Is Dai-shisho~ not happy about that?

Dai-shisho~’s voice sounds happy, even though his words don’t, and it doesn’t match up~. So Sora found it a bit odd.

Wataru: Amazing, you are quite perceptive as ever, Sora-kun~!

I am rather happy. But having an evaluation of that audition makes me feel embarrassed somehow.

So I inadvertently behaved as if it was of no concern to me, or rather, how to put it… I am finding myself responding half-heartedly.

Sora: Sora doesn’t quite understand. If Dai-shisho~ is happy, then Sora thinks he should just let it show~!

Wataru: Ahaha, now that’s not an easy pill to swallow~. Could you let Eichi know that as well?

Sora: ?

Nice: “I understand there are many mixed emotions of joy and sorrow to be felt, but we’re running out of time. It’s due time for us to bring this results announcement to a close.”

“I too am beyond happy to have met you all through 4piece.”

“The children who have been chosen and those who were not, are all so very nice! The future of the idol industry is a bright one indeed!”

[ ☆ ]

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[mossy123302]

I am not exactly entirely good with character or relationship analysis (A reason why my dumb fox head is aroace because I am not good w/ navigating romantic relationships)

So this is just my best effort writing the dynamic Q! Philza and Q! Missa have.

I do like to headcanon, like others, that Philza is indeed aroace, but not in a way, that like he doesn't understand what platonic or romantic means. Sure, it's funny to tease Philza about it, but it's also true that close friends could very much do so. I think Philza is quite aware of what is romantic and platonic, he knows the boundaries of it. I mean Philza is literally married to the Goddess of Death (implied) Kristin. It's more or less that Philza doesn't simply care for such labels. (I very much hc that Philza could probably be genderfluid, like me- Peeposmile)

It's something Philza even mentioned in the live stream when talking about the deities in hardcore world. It's something they don't care about and just vibe with whatever they're vibing with. They don't care and I think Philza is the same in that mindset. He just doesn't care, and will be blunt about it, if he needs to actually talk about it.

Philza seems to deeply cherish those that are ... similar to himself from what I can tell. I don't fully watch Fit or other POV to get a clear understanding of Phil's relationship w/ others so I'm sorry if I don't include them, same with Technoblade. I've recently started watching mcyt again and I don't want to talk about something I don't have a full understanding of.

Anyways, Phil deeply connects with those that share similar traits to him in some regard. Techno whose the Blood God, who clearly has an understanding of death, war and loyalty and this clearly shows via Missa too. Missa, while not a fighter, does understand death and how important it is... He literally is a gentle grim reaper. He understands death much clearly, because his mother is also a Goddess tied to Death as well. Missa is also fiercely loyal to Phil and his children, because honestly, he was so busy! He didn't have to return to Quesadilla Island but he did because he cares about Phil and his children, quickly adopted Tallulah and he hadn't even seen her yet.

Whoever Phil trusted and guards with his life, Missa will guard that person with his life as well. Of course, unless, we talk about BadboyHalo then that's another discussion LOL. Such a mess between the demon (?) and grim reaper.

Anyways, we know how much Phil values such loyalty that, I cannot remember what Tubbo said, but he immediately locked Tubbo out of his own home because of what he said about someone and while despite implied flings with others. Philza never spoke about others the way he speaks about Missa.

Their relationship definitely...crosses the line of platonic and romantic. I can see why it would be considered queer platonic relationship, but also at the same time, it's like there is some line being breached which makes everyone raise an eyebrow cause sir, what do you mean platonic-

Philza is clearly...possessive over Missa, because the way he got so defensive when Bagi mentions Antoine (right?) and Missa should date. Philza didn't have to get so defensive, because Missa already immediately denied. Philza could have kissed anyone else, like Fit, but chose Missa instead. He even demanded Tall Missa to the admins, got jealous over any shipping fanart and acts like he's fine and doesn't miss Missa at all. *Coughs in* "I'm going to f*cking off myself. Did Missa log on again?!" (Side eye Philza)

Like he's done lots of things that makes everyone just raise an eyebrow- Philza is fooling no one but himself (& Missa)

I also enjoy the lore Missa has going on with accepting that he is indeed a part of the family and isn't alone. Missa had just lost Spreen, and suddenly, he had no one but the Angel of Death as his assigned partner. Missa must have felt so unmatched compared to Philza because what could he even offer to the family? He had nothing but his music and kind words, which is everyone that Death Family wanted. Missa brought a different change to the family that makes them be vulnerable, to not be so serious all the time and to actually just relax and be like a family that's just on vacation.

I mean, and just talking about loyalty and kindness. Missa never gave up... He fought his way back, despite getting taken away by wolves and suddenly Badboyhalo being so cruel. He always made sure his family was safe and always brought something for them.

Didn't Missa say he got lost because he tried to find a gift for Philza?! Like...the commitment to find a perfect gift for Philza, and still returning (sure, without the gift). While it's hilarious, Missa doesn't run away because of his wet cat behavior. He runs away because he doesn't want to put his family in danger, he cannot fight as well as others can. He relies on others to fight for him and then he jumps in to help, but because the time zone doesn't allow such things. Missa is forced to run.

And Missa is good at it. He will run as far as he can, if it means his family will be safe. He isn't running away from his family, but the danger because at the end of it all, he will return back to his family, no matter how long it takes.

And Missa casually admitted to Chayanne that he needs Philza more than he realized, the same way Philza realizes he needed Missa but didn't dare admit, whether it is out of fear or something else that he couldn't voice it. But Philza clearly showed it through his actions, that he brought/dragged Missa to Rose's Sanctuary before they went to sleep forever. He didn't have to do so, but he did... indicating their bond is much deeper because Rose's Sanctuary is literally a pocket dimension that no one cannot access.

Missa has access. Now he sleeps eternally with his family...

Also their whole dynamic just being Sun/Moon. Fated to never see each other at times, until an eclipse and yet...they still leave signs to let the other know that they're still remembered. This also brought to my attention how Missa is afraid of the sky, while Philza yearns for the sky/to fly.

You think The Sun (Philza) misses the Moon (Missa) so much, because of how far they are, instead of just not seeing each other. The Moon clings to Earth, because they're afraid to go beyond...to something unknown while the Sun cannot stay still, and yearns to burn and be free.

Deathduo/Pissa has me on chokehold.

I do hope this was an interesting analysis, I'm not very good at this..honestly it's probably just me rambling if anything.

[666writingcafe]

Trouble's Brewing

Michael

My heart's pounding as I walk up the steps of the mausoleum and approach the glowing white orb floating inches above the marble pedestal. By the time I kneel in front of it, I feel like I'm going to throw up.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have failed you. I will accept whatever punishment you see fit."

"Worry not, my child." His voice echos inside my head. "I should have known they would not come willingly. Were you at least able to gather information while you were down there?"

"I was. There are members of the House of Lords that are less than pleased with the prince's decisions regarding them."

"How many?"

"Roughly 25%, including those in the upper part of the House."

"That is excellent news. We only need two of them to activate the Rembandy Accord." A chill runs up my spine. That accord hasn't been used in millennia, and never in a situation like this one.

But it would be foolish of me to question Father, so I try to block out those doubts before He can sense them.

"May I ask who our representatives will be?" I ask.

"You will be one of them. I still have to decide on the second. Is it true that none of the other Seraphim helped you?"

"It is. I had to ask Simeon for assistance." He sighs.

"I imagine his loyalty is still divided. Sometimes I wonder if I have been too generous with him." My stomach sinks.

"Then again, based on your reports, he has been doing what he is told lately, even if he has reservations about it," He adds. "That is more than I can say about them."

"I believe he is trying to set a good example for Luke. Placing a young, impressionable angel under his care seems to have ensured his cooperation."

"How wonderful. Continue keeping an eye on him and reporting on his activities." He pauses. "Is there anything else you would like to inform me about?" I take a deep breath, attempting to calm my nerves.

"They have an attendant," I respond once I feel calm enough to speak. "Their name is Zephyr. I do not trust them. They appear unassuming, and yet whenever we were in the same room, I was on edge. I wanted to put as much distance between us as possible, but their presence was either requested or required by the prince beforehand, so I had to remain where I was as to not cause a scene."

"Are you able to articulate what about this particular demon made you feel this way?"

"They are hiding something. They know a lot more than they are letting on. I am not sure about the breadth or depth of their knowledge, but what I can tell you is that they saw through my illusion the moment they set eyes on me."

"How do you know?"

"They seem to possess the power of telepathy. When I shook their hand, I could hear their voice in my mind."

"What did they say?"

"You're not Raphael." He hums, clearly curious.

"Perhaps they have met him before."

"I thought that was the case, but it is not. Simeon and Luke are the first angels Zephyr has ever met. Plus, none of the other demons saw through the illusion, not even the prince. Any suspicions they might have had were directed towards the brothers being allowed to return here."

"You always have been good at blending in the shadows," He remarks. "That brings me to your next assignment."

"I am ready, Father."

"Good. I want you to return to the Devildom. Make sure your presence there is unknown, even to your brothers and sisters. Document everything you can about Zephyr and report your findings straight to me. They may pose a threat to us, so we must be prepared to take action against them if necessary."

"What about the Accord?"

"For now, leave that to me. I will let you know when I am ready for you to play your part in its execution. Just focus on gathering as much information on Zephyr as you can. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Father." He really is worried. He never refers to anyone by their name, let alone repeatedly. He even calls the most powerful demons and humans by their titles, whether it's "the prince's butler" or "the witty sorcerer".

So why the sudden change? What makes Zephyr stand out that much to Him?

I suppose I'll just have to find out for myself, won't I?

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @interconnectedmatrix

[justajsworkshop]

so, i was thinking about instant manifestation and how there's only one moment, one being, one source, one cause, one divine mind. everything is already happening all at once, and it's our awareness shifting frame by frame to create this experience of linear horizontal time, but it's all happening here and right now.

and when you think about manifestation/shifting from this perspective, it's almost like... idk? ludicrous to think that manifestation will take time or that there's a process/reprogramming that needs to take place.

seeing manifestation as a process implies that there is some greater power other than you, and once that power is pleased/the process is complete, this greater power will fulfill your desire. waiting implies that something else must happen/transpire/take place for your word to be valid/true/real.

like, what are you waiting for? the physical world to conform? well, you're just positioning the physical world as more valid/true/real than you and your own word. (and you're gonna be waiting forever in a constant feedback loop of nonfulfillment because the physical changes when you do.)

manifestation is instant because the only "real" time is now. our past and futures are just imaginal until we give them validity by crediting them as "real." i prefer not to see repetition—affirming, saturating, imagining, subliminals, etc.—as a method to "reprogram your mind" like you're at the mercy of your subconscious accepting your word as truth. this all implies that there is some external process/power that's greater than you. for me, affirming is about being present with the truth/reality that i already am that which i desire to be (including a version of self who has/is experiencing what i want).

we manifest who and what we are conscious of being, so if you think you need to affirm 10k+ times to "unlock" your desire from some secret vault within your subconscious mind, you will create that experience of reality for yourself. i'm not saying this to negate the 10k affirmation challenge or robotic affirming. i love to robotically affirm and saturate myself! but i'm not doing it to get anything; i'm doing it because i am it, and it brings me joy to be present with that fact. i say all this as an alternative to the subconscious reprogramming school of thought because, in my individual experiencing of reality, this has been so, so much easier.

manifestation is and always is instant when you understand unity. one moment. one source. one being. and you're all of it. so, your word is law because you are the law. there's no process that needs to place or external god (like the subconscious mind) to satisfy to have your desire. you have it because you say you do, and i can't imagine (for now) being any more powerful than that.

now say it with me: my word is law because i am the law.

p.s. the two subliminals of mine that help with this are god state and kairos.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Hours in the Moonlight: Fairest Midnight - 12. The Start Line

Summary: It had finally come. Time for you to go out and fight your first vampire. After this, your training would be complete and you would be ready to meet the vampire clans. But first, farewells, because who knew exactly how this evening might go.

Type: Gender-neutral reader/ Vampire AU/ romantic/ angst/ angst with comfort/ fluff/ sfw/ platonic interactions too!

Trigger Warning: Vampire

Word Count: 1448

Hours in the Moonlight Master-List

My training continued for what seemed like an endless period of time. It was bruising, mind-numbing work. But it was paying off. Not only could I tell that I was getting stronger, but my reactions were faster during sparring, and, when tested, I could recall more and more information from what Rook had taught me.

Everything I’d learned ever since vampires had first started following me also came in handy.

Now all that was left was my debut as the new ‘Hunter,’ as Rook had told me the clans would call me.

I frowned slightly at Rook, spreading my hands as if to emphasize my words as I spoke, “Shouldn’t I get introduced to them before I, you know, go out and fight the vampires they want handled?” 

‘Handled’ was putting it lightly. I knew that I would be getting sent out to kill vampires who’d gone astray and lost themselves to the disease that kept them alive, but also cursed them to shun the daylight.

Despite my question, Rook shook his head, a slight smile on his face as he patted me on the shoulder affectionately, “Non, Trickster. You must first go out and prove yourself before they will ever accept you, and the only way to do that is to fight a vampire and win.”

Win… In the eyes of the clans, that would mean killing them. Because that would be what was necessary for the job of the ‘Hunter.’

“And they have to do it alone?” Epel’s tone perfectly matched his expression. Beyond uncomfortable with everything about this idea. And I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t like it either. After all, gailing would mean death, whether that death came in the form of me simply being killed or me being turned into a vampire myself.

Vil crossed his arms as he entered the room, “Yes, they have to do it alone. But we will be nearby.”

“Roi du-” 

“Rook.” Vil cut the other man off quickly in a tone that brooked no argument, his amethyst eyes snapping over to where Rook stood, “We won’t interfere unless necessary, but I am not sending Y/n out there alone.”

“I know, Roi du Poison. But I am going. You need not come.” Rook was calm as ever, reciting the plan of action even as Vil’s frown deepened. But Rook had already explained to me why Vil and Epel couldn’t be brought along.

And it was touching, even despite the problems it could cause. 

They couldn’t come along simply because they wouldn’t be able to restrain themselves if they felt I was in too much danger. They were too protective of me. 

And in many ways, that was fine. It would be good to have someone jump in if I needed assistance. But if the clans were ever going to accept me and I was ever going to really learn to be able to defend myself, then I had to do this on my own, and they couldn’t be trusted to let that happen.

And, if worse came to worse, I wasn’t going to be alone. Rook would be there with me, and both Vil and I knew he would step in if I needed him. But, unlike my other two vampire friends, Rook wouldn’t jump in unless I definitely needed him.

“Vil, it’ll be fine. Rook will be with me, and I’ll be careful,” Vil’s eyes snapped over towards where I stood, and I could tell he didn’t like any of this. Not one bit.

“You know how dangerous this will be, Tater-tot,” I nodded solemnly at his warning tone, approaching him even as he stood there with a deep scowl on his face.

“I do. And you know that this has to happen if any of this is going to work out.” If anything, he frowned more at my assertion, but he and I both knew it was true.

But even with that knowledge, he still stood there in silence, obviously racking his brain for more arguments to make against this plan, even though he knew perfectly well that me and Rook were completely willing to argue the point with him even though we understood his stance.

Being totally honest, I more than understood it; I half agreed with Vil. I would be more comfortable with him there, along with Rook, but I knew I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too.

I’d been leaning on Vil this entire time, and it was time that I started to stand more on my own.

“Fine.” I smiled slightly as Vil finally relented, the word falling bitterly from his mouth before he pulled a long black box out of his pocket and held out to me, “But take this with you; at the very least it can help to keep you safe.”

Despite his words, we all knew he wasn’t implying that Rook couldn’t keep me safe. Instead, it was that whatever was in this box would serve as insurance. And something told me that keeping it with me was the only way that Vil would let this happen. Because, as reasonable as Vil could be, when it came to my safety, he was always hard to persuade because, in his eyes, me putting myself at risk would never be acceptable.

I took it from his hand carefully and opened it, my eyes immediately going wide as I peered into the box, suddenly glad that I’d opened it in such a way that Vil himself didn’t have to see his gift to me. Though how he’d managed such a gift as a vampire was beyond me.

It was a necklace. A thin but sturdy silver chain from which hung a similarly silver, gothic cross with intricate carvings on it. It was small, tasteful, and something perfectly within the realm of Vil’s tastes.

I pulled it carefully out of the box, letting its chain wrap around my hand as my fingers curled around the charm itself, obscuring it from sight so that it wouldn’t bother any of the men standing with me. I smiled to myself, touched by Vil’s actions and his gift.

A cross that he couldn’t touch but that would protect me while he wasn’t around.

He spoke quietly, “Silver isn’t incredibly effective against vampires, but it might be useful if you run across anything else. That, added to the crucifix itself, will make this reasonably decent deterrent should anything go wrong.”

Even before he had spoken, I’d known what the purpose of the necklace that I carefully slipped around my neck after turning away so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the effects of the cross itself was. I let the necklace slip down, hiding under my shirt, before I turned back, smiling at him softly and genuinely grateful as I thanked him in a soft voice, “Thank you, Vil. I’ll be careful, I promise.”

A smile flickered across his face at my words, and he shook his head slightly, “You’ve said that many times, but��.” He trailed off, his smile fading slightly before he looked towards Rook, and his voice turned more authoritative, “Keep them safe, Rook.”

Rook nodded, a smile on his face as he inclined his head in something akin to a bow, “Of course, Roi du Poison.”

I smiled reassuringly at Vil one more time before joining Rook, pausing only to reassuringly pat Epel on the shoulder as the young man looked at me with an expression of concern. 

“I’ll be fine,” My words were all but whispered, but the young man smiled faintly, nodding his head slightly.

“I know,” He paused, an evil sort of grin working its way onto his face before he gave my shoulder a light push, “Now go get ‘em!”

I laughed lightly as I stumbled away before turning to follow Rook out and into the night, but right as we reached the door, I hesitated and turned back.

“I’ll be back soon, boys!” I waved cheerfully, even despite the nervousness and worry I felt as I tried my best not to think about exactly what I would be doing this evening. And even despite my acting, I could tell that, at the very least, Vil knew I was faking.

It was clear from the way he gazed at me. Reluctant to let me go when he knew all too well that this would be dangerous. But at the same time, he knew he couldn’t stop me and that this had been my choice.

But I would be back. It was a promise to both them and myself. This was only the beginning of everything, and I certainly wouldn’t stumble right here at the start line.

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[thenovelartist]

Order in the Chaos - Chapter 8 - Honkai: Star Rail fanfiction

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The girls had picked up a new habit as of late. And it was almost as infuriating as their old one.

“Whirly bird!”

They had respected the boundary of not touching the halo. Instead, they began just spinning their finger behind his head as though they were.

And it was growing very annoying.

However, he kept rein on his tongue, the image of Dan Heng decorated in obscene amounts of hair ornaments constantly flashing up in his mind. If Dan Heng can tolerate it, then he could, too.

“Just think of it as being accepted in the family,” he muttered to himself.

“Think of what as being accepted?”

Sunday turned around to see Mr. Yang walking up to him, sketchbook under his arm. Next to him was Himeko.

“Ah, it’s nothing. I’m just talking to myself.”

Mr. Yang nodded. “While that’s all well and good, if March and Stelle are causing a problem, you can tell us.”

He glanced away, chuckling nervously. “Was I that obvious?”

Himeko sweetly smiled. “Something tells me you don’t find ‘whirly bird’ quite as amusing as the rest of us.”

A warmth bloomed in his cheeks. “Yes, well… I suppose they are technically respecting not touching my halo.”

“But you still are uncomfortable.”

He rubbed his chin, his gaze settling on the floor as he fought for words. “The Express is… a very strange place compared to where I grew up,” he admitted. “Which… might sound strange considering I grew up in a dream.”

“It’s not strange,” Mr. Yang quietly assured. “Leaving what you know means you must face different things. What is normal to us may not be to you and vice versa. It’s understandable to be overwhelmed.”

“That is true, but… I must admit that while the train itself is strange to me, it’s… and I mean no offense when I say this.”

“None will be taken.”

“The people here are… different from what I’m used to. I met many guests from all over the cosmos in the Penacony hotel, and while they were all vastly different, my interactions with them were limited. When it came to day-to-day life, I was surrounded by people who act a certain, professional way. And…” He cleared his throat, his embarrassment growing by the second. “The people here are not that.”

Himeko laughed, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “That’s a kind way to put it.”

Sunday dared to look up from the floor, noticing that even Mr. Yang was smiling. “There is no denying we are an odd bunch, but you are just as much a part of it as we are.”

“It… doesn’t quite feel that way,” Sunday confessed. “Though I’m beginning to understand and accept things are different here, I still feel that I struggle to keep up with everyone, along with the unspoken rules and boundaries everyone has.”

“I think you’re keeping up just fine,” Himeko said. “At least, you appear to be.”

“Believe me when I say that there are many a times that I feel quite lost.”

“And does Stelle and March’s little habit make you feel that way?”

Automatically, Sunday reached up to touch his halo. “Halos are sacred among the halovians. I may be understanding of if someone inebriated or someone emotional to the point of irrationality reaches for it, but there’s always been an understanding of no touching.”

Himeko hummed in understanding. “Then I can see why their actions would fluster you. However,” she looked behind him, her tone taking on a louder tone. “Maybe if you sat down and explained things clearly to them, they would be more respectful. Am I right, girls?”

Sunday glanced behind him, watching as an abashed Stelle and March stood there nodding.

A hand then dropped on Sunday’s head, surprising him. He looked over to see Mr. Yang giving him an encouraging smile. “If you wish to be more connected,” he spoke, his tone gentle and fatherly, “maybe now would be a good time to open up and say what you really mean, instead of what you think is required of you in this strange world you find yourself in. Everyone is happier when people understand each other.”

With a few gentle pats that warmed Sunday more than he could describe, Mr. Yang and Himeko walked away.

Leaving Sunday with the girls.

“Hey,” March said, curling her hands to her chest in shame. “Do you really… not like us?”

Her words caught him off guard momentarily. “That is most certainly not what I said.”

“But… we annoy you. Right?”

Sunday sighed. It seemed the misunderstandings were bigger than he thought. “It’s not that,” he confessed. “Maybe I’m just a bit… confused by you two, still.”

Stelle gave him a smile that he could tell was strained. “Oh, is that all? Well, join the ever-growing club.”

Sunday forced a smile at her attempt at a joke, but it did not last long.

And neither did Stelle’s smile. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

He pursed his lips, fighting for the right words. “I’ll start by explaining things better. It might be my fault for not doing so. The crew here is all very unique, but… I don’t think you are bad people. I’m annoyed the same way people would be annoyed by their friends when their personalities clash.”

Not that he knew much about that. So much of his life had been a pretty strong dichotomy of family and professional relations. He’d had a few companions that stretched into acquaintanceship, but even those had never lost their edge of professionality.

“Halos are sacred among halovians. Touching them is deeply personal. Just like you wouldn’t kiss the cheek of a stranger or even a simple acquaintance, you wouldn’t touch the halo of another randomly. That’s what I mean when I said that is reserved for close family members, friends that might as well be family members, and lovers.”

Both Stelle and March mouths formed silent ‘oh’ shapes of understanding.

“Not even Robin’s staff for her concerts touch her halo,” Sunday continued. “She always made sure that part of herself was presentable, unless I was there with her. Birds don’t trust just anyone to preen their feathers; only those you are close to.”

“And… we’re not that close,” March spoke. “And that’s why you’re unhappy with that.”

“Sorry,” Stelle once again said, rubbing the back of her head. “We know you said it was for family, so we thought…”

March tapped her fingers together nervously. “We thought you were part of ours.”

Sunday raised a brow, yet a niggling warmth flickered in his chest. “I am nothing more than a temporary traveler here.”

The two girls shared a look.

“We notice you kinda keep to yourself a lot,” March began. “So, we thought you might still feel a little awkward around us. That’s why we just wanted you to feel included.”

Stelle frowned. “I mean… you’re basically one of the crew now, right? You hang out in my room, play games with us, go on missions.”

“And for us… the crew is family.”

Sunday’s eyes widened as surprise smacked him hard.

Stelle’s brow was pinched, abashed. “We just wanted you to feel like you were part of it, too.”

“But,” March continued contritely. “If you’re really bothered by it, we’ll stop. Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

All remaining anger seemed to disappear. While he interpreted their actions as insulting at worst, they’d only been trying to make him feel included in the only way they knew how. He should have talked to them earlier. After all, he should have learned by now that if he didn’t understand something, he should just ask for clarification. They’d never withheld communication intentionally. It was only because their metaphorical language barrier was so large that he found himself across the chasm.

Yet, no one on this star train was unwilling to cross it for his sake.

“Thank you,” he said, smiling despite himself. “For including me in your group, even though I far from deserve it.”

March’s head tilted in confusion. “Who said you don’t deserve it?”

“I mean… you were all tentative to me traveling with you originally, right?” he prodded. “I’m essentially a criminal on the run. And I enslaved all of you with the power of the order.”

“I mean… yeah,” March dryly agreed. “That wasn’t exactly fun.”

A bitter smile covered the pain in his heart. “I… appreciate your kindness towards me, but I know better than to expect your forgiveness when it’s not deserved.”

“Does anyone really deserve forgiveness?” Stelle challenged.

Catching Sunday completely off-guard yet again.

“She… kinda has a point,” March agreed.

Sunday glanced between the two of them, trying to find his footing. Despite not being in a church, he felt as though he’d found himself in a confessional booth, receiving a pardon for what he’d done.

So this is what it’s like being on the other side of the screen.

“So, don’t worry about it,” March continued.

Sunday fought for words, his mouth dry. “Do… I really have your forgiveness? Even though I’m little more than a criminal?”

Stelle quirked a brow. “Hey, Dan Heng!”

Sunday looked behind him to see the newcomer enter the cabin.

“Yes?” Dan Heng said.

“Sorry to bring it up, but help Sunday out,” she began, cringing as she rubbed the back of her neck. “He thinks he’s the only criminal on this train.”

Dan Heng didn’t look fully comfortable, crossing his arms before him, yet he masked it as he straightened. “Sunday, did I tell you the whole story of my past?”

Sunday shook his head. “I did get the impression your past contains secrets you wish to keep hidden. Rather, ones you don’t wish to remember. Hence, I never felt comfortable in asking.”

His lips pursed in discomfort. “I also know what it’s like to want to run from your past,” he said, melancholy lingering in his tone. “I noticed you researching vidyadharan culture in the archives. You learned that vidyadhara’s reincarnate, correct?”

Sunday nodded.

“Because of the sins committed in my past life, I… er, that past incarnation, was forced to reincarnate in a prison, which is where I grew up, only to be exiled to travel the cosmos until Himeko kindly offered me passage here.”

An uncomfortable weight settling on his heart, Sunday felt his wings fall. “I… wasn’t aware.”

Dan Heng nodded, his expression mostly stoic. Anyone looking close enough could see the slight pinch of pain. “My past incarnation will haunt me for as long as I live, until those who still remember my sins and the generation under that have moved on.”

March piped up, “But we don’t judge Dan Heng for whatever happened back then.”

“Honestly,” Stelle stepped in, “we were really concerned when we found out. That’s a story for another day, but we more worried about whether or not we were going to lose him than whatever happened in his past.”

Some of the pain on Dan Heng’s expression faded. “Even after all the truth was revealed, they still accepted me. It is not an easy to find a refuge. But… there is one here.”

Stelle and March reached out their hands, piled one on top of the other.

With the beginnings of a smile, Dan Heng laid his hand on top theirs.

“If it makes you feel any better, Sunday” March continued. “I might not remember anything of my past, but I was warned by a memokeeper to stop digging into it unless I wanted to face unheard-of consequences.”

“I might not remember anything either,” Stelle finished, “but I’m ninety-five percent sure I was raised by Stellaron Hunters. And now I have a bomb in my chest. A stolen bomb.”

Dan Heng turned back to Sunday. “None of us hold your past against you, especially seeing how hard you are trying to repent for it.”

His eyes, surprisingly, watered up, blurring his vision. “You… really think me deserving to be part of your crew? Even though I might leave?”

“I think by now, we’d all be sad to see you go,” March said.

Stelle and Dan Heng each gave their own nod of agreement.

“So come on!” March chimed up, bouncing on her toes. “Don’t leave us hanging!”

Looking up at the welcoming faces of the Astral Express members, Sunday’s heart felt warm. The darkness of his past still lingered, haunting the back of his mind, but for the first time in a while, he realized he very much wanted to grasp the light that was offered before him.

Tentatively, he reached out, warning himself to be ready for the rejection.

Instead, March slapped her other hand on top of his, sandwiching all their hands together. “Welcome to the crew, Sunday!”

Happy. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this genuinely happy. “Thank you.”

~~~

To My Dearest Sister,

It has been an interesting week. As I’ve oft written, the Astral Express crew has been a great source of confusion for me. Even now, I do not understand them fully. They still confuse me. I still feel like I’m tripping over unspoken rules. However, I’ve recently gotten to know them a little better, and I have learned to appreciate them that much more.

You know very well how stifling growing up within the Oak Family has been. I understand your desire to break free from the cage, to spread your wings beyond those limiting boundaries. If it meant your protection, I was fine learning to navigate within the confines of a dream. And maybe growing up in such a way is why I found the free-spirited Nameless so strange. Even all your unspoken whims put together couldn’t compare to a portion of those possessed by the Astral Express crew.

But I must say they are genuine people. I’ve come to realize that they are refreshing when compared to the cramped cage the Oak Family created. Furthermore, they have welcomed me warmly in a way I do not deserve. This new nest that has opened to me has become more comfortable than I would have expected it to be. Even though there is still much I don’t understand and even more I am scared to face, I am willing to take steps forward if these kinds of people are at my side.

Robin, I have found a good place to stay for a while. I will happily take whatever luck you still send my way, as I will never not be in need of your well-wishes, but you no longer need to worry over me. I am learning how to find my own wings, just as you have found yours long, long ago.

Your Loving Brother,

Sunday

~~~

“Pom-pom.”

The little conductor turned. “Ah. Welt. Do you need something?”

Welt smiled, resting both his hands on the cane in front of him. “Yes. I was wondering if we could give Sunday an official Astral Express pass.”

Pom-pom’s expression brightened like a star. “Is he going to stay with us permanently?”

“While I cannot say for certain, I do have a feeling he will not be with us as short of a time as he’d originally planned.”

“You think?” Pom pom’s head tilted in confusion. “It would be nice to have another person following the trailblaze, but I didn’t think he wanted to.”

“Again, I can’t say for certain without being presumptuous, but you learn to pick up on things with age.” Including when you watch a youngster fully take hold of the journey ahead of them.

Welt’s smile grew. Yes, he had a feeling Sunday wasn’t going to be so eager to leave now that his adventures had led him to settle within a nesting box.

[makingspiritualityreal]

The South Node - An Area of Unfair Sacrifice

The Nodes are where we pay an unfair price for a necessary exchange. It is where we offer an area of a given house in order to have any life progress and growth at all in the area of the opposite.

It takes a human incarnation years to redefine and correct the areas of the South Node, as early in life it is karmically out of our control. So we need to give up on this area in its traditional form, knowing it will never function in a way that is beneficial to us. That becomes particularly painful when there is a planet conjunct the South Node. These areas of life produce a feeling of lack, but it is a sacrifice necessary in order for one to be able to grow in the area of the North Node.

As much as the Nodes are both unstable in their own right, the North Node being friendly to Saturn, offers a stable, reliable progress over time, with effort, maturity and reflection put into it, mixed with its cutting edge, out of the box, freedom oriented mindset. The North Node inspires us to actually set a goal.

The South Node causes so much pain, because the South Node and Saturn are enemies. Saturn is strict, but fair. Saturn is an Earthly life regulator of being given the right opportunities. Saturn offers measurable steps, solutions and rewards, even if it comes with timidness and obstacles. The South Node is the sum total of our karma, that reaches down to past lives, and thus it is responsible for wreaking havoc on our lives in ways that are beyond logical, rational fixing. It requires a completely meditative, surrendered attitude. In extreme cases, it requires one to completely move away from the given planet/house area, or only do the absolute minimum if necessary for survival.

The South Node requires of us to achieve a level of Monkhood, even if on a small scale. Early in life, as we are unexperienced in dealing with that energy, we end up being taken advantage of, and we give ourselves away. A mature South Node instead isolates from all unwanted stimuli, not really taken excessively for oneself, but also setting healthy boundaries through distance. We can actually have gains from the South Node our whole lives, if we don't try to control them or approach them too much.

Only as we mature into our 40s, the Karma of the South Node lets up, giving us exactly what we needed, even if in minimal form, perfectly tailored to our needs. To give you a more tangible example of how the Karma of the South Node works, somebody with their South Node in the 7th house may have an impossible time finding a good life partner on a personal ground. They may have successful, working business relationships from a degree of distance. They may have long-distance online romances. Since their life karma wants them to focus on individuality, self discovery, self expression and independence, the North Node in the 1st house may inflate their ego. That is actually a positive phenomenon with this alignment. The native may find, that the more full of themselves they are, the more they invest in their own brand, the more they attract successful working partnerships. Nevertheless, true intimacy mixed with acceptance of the person's basic identity, remains out of reach.

As a result, this native gives up on their deep desire for a successful, intimate partnership. They adopt a mentality of "This is who I am, and I am going to be myself and express myself to the fullest, and I am not compromising anything for that. Anyone who approaches me, if they want to be close, must accept that, as I fully delve into discovering my individual self every day". Ironically, it is that attitude of complete self acceptance, that solidifies the person's character and teaches them not to compromise. Then, when the South Node karma lets up at its own designated time, sometime after 42, just as the native has completely surrendered to such a lifestyle and given up on one's desire even if deep down they hold it in their heart, they unexpectedly meet their perfect match. They receive exactly what they have been missing all along, after they have completely reinvented themselves.

The concept of unfairness related to the South Node comes from the fact, that prior to that time, the desire of the South Node house and any planet conjunct it, remains emotionally dissatisfying. Any time the native tries to pursue the matters of that house outright, especially on a more sensitive level, they will be denied. There will be no fairness, even with a delay as Saturn would want, no equal payback, no "rightness", only strife, that ensures the native is pushed back towards their North Node.

The difference in South Node functionality and planetary alignment in between charts is in the fact, that as much as it denies emotional satisfaction, a strong South Node is actually a stable support system. Using the example above, the person with South Node in the 7th house, if well functioning, will actually attract an array of partnerships to help them construct their own brand. They will always have somebody available. They may even be the kind, who marry exclusively for status and name, and agree to a level of distance in the marriage in order to advance themselves on a personal level. The other significator of South Node karma is how fast it lets up. The Nodal release starts according to Vedic classics at the age of 42, but a stronger holding, more karmic South Node will delay that progress into the native's 50s and beyond.

The best functioning South Node is one, that fully, naturally, embraces detachment early on in life and doesn't look back. Often, a strong North Node helps, as it gives one a measurable goal to strive for. A struggling South Node is extremely stuck in the past, which manifests as passing up opportunities when they appear, out of a desire to remain within one's comfort zone, being avoidant of the North Node.

Another, more unorthodox form of the South Node, is the aforementioned concept of monkhood. These are people, who embrace servile roles, completely ridding themselves of any earthly desire, choosing an ascetic life with no reward. That may be a necessity one is forced into due to extremely heavy past life karmas.

[swallowedbyfandom]

When she gets in Varley hurriedly escorts her into the drawing room. That must mean Lord Debling has come sniffing around. She is about to ruin her mama's week by turning that man's title and fortune down. There is something to be said about embracing spite.

Lord Debling rises to his feet as soon as she walks in. It seems she is not the only one dressed to impress today. Were she in a more forgiving mood she would be quite moved by the effort he has made with his appearance. She softens her body language into something a little more fragile. She widens her eyes into something a glassy and a touch disappointed. Let this hero see how he has let her down so. Let him grieve his foolish doubts. She lets him briefly see her betrayal before she tilts her chin up and changes her face into something much more resolved.

She knows he has noticed the byplay across her face by the tightness at the corners of his eyes and the downturns of his brow. He bows much lower than is necessary to her.

"Miss Featherington, may I say you look exquisite today. I know you were not expecting me given the way we left off last night. I have hoped you would indulge me today so that we may clear the air so to speak."

"Of course My Lord, I think that would be beneficial for us both."

"I want to apologize for the way I conducted myself last night. You are a true Lady and you have always conducted yourself with the upmost propriety. You did not deserve my accusations. Please forgive me."

"Lord Debling, you are not a simpleton so I imagine you have noticed that my home life is not healthy. Bridgerton house was my sanctuary growing up. It was where I went to escape the negligence and the harsh words of my family."

Her mother's harsh tone and glare cut her off, "My Lord, please excuse her tales. She often forgets her place, reminding your child of their deficiencies is a parent's duty. How else will they learn if you allow them to have their own thoughts?"

Really her mother has just made her point beautifully. She can see Lord Debling's fists are both clenched and he is grinding his jaw hard enough to crack a tooth. She allows a few tears to spill out at the harsh words to complete the effect. It is the tears that ultimately cause him to lash out at her mama.

"Lady Featherington I would advise that you not interrupt us again. I am here to speak to Miss Penelope, only."

Softly he takes hold of her hand.

"Please continue, I would like a clearer understanding of you."

She takes a deep breath and proceeds.

"I was practically raised in Bridgerton house from the ages of 8 until 16. I have taken most of my lessons with the Bridgerton children as my sisters were often cruel if they felt I was being a know it all. While high society likes to focus on my friendships with Eloise and Colin, in truth I was always close with all the Bridgerton ladies."

"That is why I enjoy the view so much. It is to date, the only home I have ever found acceptance in. Where I can partake in a meal without reprimand for every morsel that passes my lips. It is Lady Violet I flee to when I am in need of maternal comfort. I have always been a timid wallflower, after all my mama made me debut at 16 and I was nowhere near ready for marriage that young. It has been three years since and I am more settled into myself. I decided I was ready to seek marriage."

She tightens her grip on his hand as if seeking comfort. She can feel the fine tremble in his strong grasp. It is almost enough to make her reconsider.

"I asked Mr. Bridgerton to help me on the marriage mart this year because my family has no patriarch to vet suitors for me. Mr. Bridgerton would be able to find out which gentlemen had illegitimate children or kept mistresses. All things that a gently bred Lady would not know. I trusted Mr. Bridgerton to weed out the gentleman prone to vice or violence as he is my oldest friend in the world. I do not trust my mama."

"My mama would sell me to the first man of title or wealth that made her an offer without a single care. Did she ask you any questions that did not pertain to your estate or wealth? Or did she spend the entire time hinting at favors that could be done for the benefit of my sisters and herself?"

She watches that realization play out across his handsome face. He appears to be in physical pain to have missed such a glaring sign of Portia's lack of regard for her.

"I had thought you different from the gentleman of the Ton. I had thought you a man of great convictions. An individual much like myself who dares to be different regardless of the mockery. I had thought we would have a marriage of partnership and trust."

"Last night you assumed the worst of me without any hesitation. If you doubt me now so easily, how am I to trust you will not doubt me after you have been traveling for a prolonged bout of time? I will not live my life waiting for some wild accusation to turn you against me. "

"More than anything I want stability for my self and my future children. I wish to marry a man of keen wit and substance. I had thought you with your intellect, age, and kindness, to be such a man."

"I see now unfortunately you are not. You My Lord, are like all the rest. Quick to make assumptions and assign blame. You had already made up your mind of my guilt before ever speaking to me. I shan't allow myself to marry a man who already seeks to betray me."

"I may want someone to save me from this cage I reside in but I will not trade one harsh home for another. I would rather be a spinster, My Lord."

She withdraws her hand from his, and gives him a sad look from under her lashes as she curtesy. As she walks away from him she hears him call out to her in a voice that sounds like gravel.

"Miss Penelope, I am ashamed to have added to your sorrow." She hears him walk up behind her, so she turns to face him. He place a ring into the center of her palm and closes her fingers delicately around it. Then he places a sweet kiss on her wrist. She feels his beard tickle across her skin. She allows herself a single shudder of intrigue.

"I know words are insufficient for the injury I have caused you. Please keep the ring, I picked it for you and it should grace no hand other than yours. You are truly incomparable. Farewell, my dove."

She leaves him standing in her drawing room. She wants to wash her face and take a nap. While she enjoys reading people to filth doing so in such a manipulative manner is exhausting.

She has barely finished removing her gown and washing her face when her mother strolls into her room. Her mama looks fit to burst with disbelief and rage.

"Why? Penelope that man brought a ring with him you could have still married him. His coin is the answer to all our problems."

"Why would you tell him all that? You ungrateful child! Everything I have done has been for our benefit."

There are a million reasons she can give but there are only two that Portia would understand, only two Portia will respect.

"Mother, Lord Debling's great passion in life is rescuing all the poor endangered creatures of the world. He believes himself superior to all other men an enlightened defender of the weak. He wants to spend the next 3 years rescuing birds! I just made myself the most injured bird he has ever encountered. It is a tragedy, is it not? That his actions have wounded me further? His guilt will eat him alive!"

"Are you not tired of suffering for the actions of weak men? Men never pay for their actions. But a single hint of wrong doing can see a lady ruined and thrown out into the streets."

"Lord Debling will end tonight drowning his sorrows at some high end Gentlemen's club. He will lament over his loss of me. He will sing my praises and my reputation will remain intact. My status has just gone from an unwanted wallflower to a wild blossom that cannot be plucked by just anybody."

"Miss Cowper sought to steal my future, mama. She may still entrap him yet, but she will have to work harder for it. Even if they marry he will long for the life he could have had with me. He will pine away for the protection he could have given me. He will wonder about the unique children we could have had together."

"If Cressida does get a ring from him she will have to accept it knowing it was the second one he issued this season. Do you understand now?"

Shockingly her mother looks more impressed than she has ever seen her. Portia gently runs her fingers through her hair and drops a kiss on the crown of her head. She nods once.

"Yes, I understand now."

Penelope feels a little like she is trapped in a fever dream. Perhaps her mama is ill? She will keep an eye out later. Right now she needs a nap.

[korememeprompts]

UNDER THE CUT ARE ROLEPLAY PROMPTS FROM EPISODES 12-15 OF MAGNIFICENT CENTURY, change pronouns as desired / preferred.

“ understood ? or I shall need be more cruel. “

“ did those women upset you ? “

“ you haven’t shown interest in your parcels.”

“ even that angel of a woman was mad at you. “

“ ‘ be nice’, you said, ‘ act friendly. give them gifts. ‘ “

“ his word is law. “

“ I couldn’t stay in my chamber. I couldn’t sleep. “

“ don’t turn your back on me, you are my only confidante.”

“ please leave. it’s alright. “

“ of course he is a young and promising man but experience is an important quality. and that position requires a great deal of it. “

“ he has been educated in matters of statement for some time now. don’t be unfair.”

“ I have been patient. I have been very patient. “

“ it is his majesty’s will, let us hope it is for the best. “

“ maybe you should join the council too.”

“ I accept everything you have said about me. the insults, too. it is true, I am a servant. “

“ who do you think you are ? I will exile you. I will say anything I want.”

“ be prepared, they won’t let us remain in this palace. “

“ he is even more powerful, we will not find peace again. “

“ you haven’t asked for anything for yourself for ten years. “

“ I will never find peace in this palace. “

“ my darling son, look at me. I am with you, you will be alright. “

“ has something happened, mother ? “

“ mother, why am I so unlucky ? “

“ there is death in my fate again. “

“ I wait at your door just to see your face.”

“ the children should see their brother. “

“ we can have dinner together, I will make the preparations.”

“ I will die of curiosity, I am going. “

“ I have waited and prayed for so long for this happiness. “

“ I will accept no mistakes, as you know.”

“ his majesty’s family and his prince must be defended from all harm. “

“ you will fall so suddenly from that high perch — I will topple you. “

“ no can come between his majesty and me. “

“ I will love you until my last breath. “

“ the other night I waited for you until the morning. “

“ you are always so sad. I wonder if there is another cause for your sadness ? “

“ will you defend yourself when you should be only ashamed ? disgraceful!”

“ it made me realize my heart had no value. i’ve disgraced my family. “

“ for grief rots the heart.”

“ are you going to play it, or have you forgotten how to do it ? “

“ I’ve spent my entire life grieving for my family.

“ being unfair is the worst sin. “

“ how many people have died because of his wrong decision ? you have shed tears for our losses. you have forgotten, but I have not. “

“ it was time, I did what was necessary. “

“ I decide who deserves what.”

“ I have listened to you and mother my whole life. “

“ I’ve taken everything you said as an order. I was content with the fate you had chosen for me. I would rather die than embarrass you. I will make your wish a reality, do not doubt it. “

“the news we were waiting for has come.”

“ we are going to be together, even if we have to die for it. “

“ you are the mother of my children. you are my joy, peace, and blessing. “

“ the man I love looks at me and doesn’t trust me. “

“ I’ve come to you leaving my rank and office behind. “

“ if I don’t get out alive, don’t let my grave be here. “

“ he wishes to appear before you, your majesty. “

“ very well, you stay. I’ll go by myself. “

“ let me see their faces, let me hug them. “

“ your mother is here, I will never leave you. “

“ so they’ve finally understood I’m innocent. have they forgiven me ? “

“ this stubbornness will only harm you. “

“ do I not hold love in reverence ? “

“ queen mother, I’ve heard something. but I did not know if it was true. “

“ does my opinion carry any weight ? “

“ I have heard some whispers about that matter, and I haven’t taken them seriously, as they’re probably false….”

“ if you don’t chose your friends wisely, you’ll likely end up disappointed.”

“ he is wise, and experienced, but his ambition takes precedence over his reason.”

“ it’s not with you whom I’m displeased, it is my heart. “

“ you’re troubled, I can see it. “

“ those who love expect respect for their love too, she hasn’t committed a crime. “

“ it is very hurtful that my existence and my opinions have no value in the eyes of my children.”

“ is too much to expect respect for my decisions ? “

“ has she ever disobeyed you ? “

“ I dedicated my life to your service _ years ago, I’ll serve you for another _ years if I live long enough. “

“ my worry is that you’re being unfair to yourself. “

“ my purpose, my life, is you. “

“ forgive me if I’ve overstepped. “

“ personally I would not even wish to consider it. “

“ I will do everything in my power to rid you of this misery, your majesty. “

“ I have spoken to his majesty countless times on your behalf, I want you to be very happy. “

“ I’ll do everything I can, don’t worry. “

“ see who cries to see you leave, see who rejoices. no one likes you. everyone is happy that you are going. “

“our home will be at peace again. “

“ as far as I am concerned, you are the same. “

“ don’t fall for her tears, she is a snake!”

“ does my opinion on my daughter’s happiness count for nothing ? “

“ have them prepare my horse, I wish to go. “

“ don’t blame anyone, you’ve brought this on yourself. “

“ i want to buy some fabric, silk fabric.”

“ tell him that his mother would give her life for him. “

“ I won’t leave you, we share the same fate. “

“___, my beautiful girl, your fate won’t be like your mother’s, I promise you. I promise. “

“ she is your sister, don’t make her suffer. “

“ I’m sorry. I am in pain. please forgive me. “

“ write it down. write whatever is in your heart. “

“ play it sometime and soothe our souls. “

“ what am I to do with a palace without you in it ? “

“ master of my heart, body and soul. “

“ what was spoken in this room is not to leave this room. “

“ I will see to this matter personally. “

“ I’ve had beautiful dreams. “

“ I am not expecting good news from that council. “

“ I am grateful that I still have my life. “

“ I have fought my way up to this position tooth and nail. “

“ your majesty, I am aware of your concerns, but…. “

“ I found sanctuary with you. “

“ you are my family, and my love. “

“ what if he is angry when he reads it ? “

“ she leaves my heart and conscience to be the judge. “

“ you draw well, you are skilled. “

“ leave us alone. “

“ I have been separated from my child. “

“ if you do what I say, everything will be alright. “

“ you will obey, you will abide, you will submit. you will do as you are told and there will be no more fights. “

“ aren’t you the one who was most glad that I am gone ? “

“ I take your silence as a yes. “

“ I won’t kneel before that woman, I would rather die. “

“ it has been a while since we last had a talk. how are you ? “

“ you have never upset me, never hurt me. “

“ I have always wanted you to be happy. “

“ I believe that our fate will keep us together. “

“ I don’t know what happens, or what you live through behind these great doors, but I know of your heart. “

“ have they given you the one thing you’ve always wanted ? happiness and peace ? “

“ nobody is as wise as you, you have a big heart. “

“ are you jealous ? “

“ I want it to be beautiful, it has to be perfect. “

“ his majesty wanted to have a conversation, I am grateful. “

“ the whole family is going to be at the private garden tomorrow. “

“ he has been restless since his mother left. “

“ it would be a pleasure, your majesty. “

“ I can feel you are upset, if you like we can postpone the entertainment. “

“ I would envy anyone who is close with you, your majesty. “

“ I would only entrust you with yourself. “

“ my only friend, welcome. “

“ I won’t forget what you did for me. “

“ please don’t insist, it will put me in a difficult situation. “

“ forgive me, I shouldn’t have done that. “

“ shhh! I could barely put him to sleep. “

“ be patient, ask for forgiveness, beg for it if you need to. “

“ she is a mother, like you. “

“ he has been crying all day, only seeing his mother made him stop. “

“ I will be staying out of everything from now on; soon I will be leaving this palace too. “

“ I am not going to cause anymore trouble. “

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Francis Drake Main Story

This is simply a fan translation and is not intended as a replacement for the game. Expect grammatical errors.

Our earlier lovemaking left a sense of joy and sadness in my heart and body.

Mitsuki: "Nn..."

Drake: "Are you awake?"

Drake was looking at me while I used his arm as a pillow.

(I must have fallen asleep without noticing.)

Drake: "Mitsuki, are you feeling any pain?"

He gently stroked my hair, and memories of what happened before I fell asleep quickly came flooding back to my mind.

(I confessed to him, and then...)

Just recalling the warmth and gaze I felt during that moment made my face flush.

Mitsuki: "I'm okay, thank you."

Drake: "That's good."

He smiled, but a faint sigh escaped his lips.

Drake: "But if the guys find out I brought you into the bed, they might tease me."

Mitsuki: "I'll tell them properly when the time comes. It's something I wanted."

Drake: "Geez, you..."

Drake: "These things aren't something only women should bear, you know?"

He pulled me closer, and my heart started beating faster.

We exchanged words like a couple in love, yet something still bothered me.

(I thought it was okay for things to turn out like this because I like him, but what does he really think of me?)

(Does he like me, too?)

But if there were no romantic feelings there, then what could that emotion have been?

(If things continue like this, I’ll just keep going around in circles.)

I gathered the courage to ask what was really in his heart when, suddenly, he removed his arm under me and sat up.

Then he picked up something from the holster hooked to the chair.

Drake: “Hey, Mitsuki. I think you should hold on to this gun, after all.”

Mitsuki: "Huh?"

Drake: "It's already loaded."

He pressed the gun into my hands more seriously than the last time.

I sat up as well, covering myself with the sheets as I faced him.

Mitsuki: "Are you worried? I caused trouble with the hunter incident."

Drake: "I don't see it as trouble, though."

Drake: "I just want you to have it."

Drake: "Shoot when your life is in danger, even if it's me."

Mitsuki: "You're making that joke again."

Drake: "Mitsuki."

He gently touched my cheek as I tried to laugh it off.

Drake: "I said earlier that saving you from the hunters was just me repaying a debt. That's all it was between you and me, a transaction. Yet, I'm a bit surprised at myself for making and keeping that promise with you."

Drake: "I've lived as a man surrounded by betrayal, after all."

(Does that mean he didn't think he would keep his promise?)

Mitsuki: "Do you not trust yourself?"

Instead of answering, he showed a somewhat self-deprecating smile.

Drake: "I'm used to being betrayed by others and betraying myself."

Drake: "I can swear and make promises, but when push comes to shove, I can easily discard such things without a twinge of conscience."

Drake: "It's not often that I act for someone without any ulterior motive."

Drake: "But Mitsuki, you're different."

Drake’s gaze, wandering in the silence of the night, turned towards me.

Drake: “You’re a naïve person who believes what you want to believe and laughs even if betrayed.”

Drake: “You even offered your body willingly after I forcibly bit you.”

(That’s...)

Now I understand that the reason I didn’t resist being bitten was not just because I’m a naïve person, as he said.

(I already liked him back then.)

(I accepted his fangs, even if what he wanted was just blood.)

Drake: “Spending time with you and making promises doesn’t suit me. But maybe I wanted to keep a promise this time.”

Drake: “Though I’m not sure how serious I am about that, either.”

He mumbled, questioning both his actions and his true feelings.

His words to me, however, felt like a precious glimpse into his heart.

(Even though he said it was a transaction, he kept his promise not just out of obligation but because it was a promise with me.)

(Can I really allow myself to think that way?)

I don't know what kind of feelings he has for me, but...

(I feel like I understand him a little.)

Believing in something was incredibly difficult for someone who had lived in a world where betrayal was commonplace.

Trusting someone with your heart was something truly special.

Still, his words seemed to imply that a small part of my existence resided in his heart. His confession of feelings, not necessarily love or friendship, filled my chest with both joy and sorrow.

(Even if it's not love, knowing that much is enough for me.)

Mitsuki: "Thank you for keeping your promise."

Mitsuki: "No matter what you think of yourself, my feelings haven't changed since we made that promise."

Mitsuki: "I still believe in you."

Drake: "......."

Mitsuki: "I promise once again not to betray you."

Mitsuki: "I'll keep this gun as a symbol of our promise."

Drake: "Haha! Trusting me so completely is really naive of you."

I stared at the gun that connected us as he shrugged his shoulders, laughing.

(No matter what happens, I can't imagine pointing a gun at Drake.)

(I'm sure I'll never pull this trigger.)

But contrary to my thoughts,

Drake: "Mitsuki, if I betray you, don't hesitate to pull the trigger."

Drake: "The moment you hesitate, I will take everything from you until your body, heart, and destiny are shattered."

He looked at me as if he himself had made up his mind.

In the deep night darkness, Drake gazed at Mitsuki, who had fallen asleep again.

Drake: "I didn't intend for things to turn out like this."

Drake: "Even though I only had dry emotions towards you, why did I still find you cute?"

He put a teasing smile into his boyish emotions and gently stroked her soft cheek with the back of his hand.

Then he got up from the bed and picked up the small bottle from the table.

It was the seashell bottle that Mitsuki had given him.

------------Flashback-----------

Mitsuki: "The sand inside is called star sand and sun sand. They say having it grants wishes."

---------Flashback Ends--------

Drake: "Wishes, huh?"

He closed his eyes momentarily, and when he opened them again, his gaze had turned cold.

Drake: "The fate you bring and the fate I seek will never align."

Drake: "I've warned you, Fawn. This is a gamble."

Drake: "You said you wouldn't betray me, but what will you do if I betray you?"

After Drake got better from his injuries, he went to an unfamiliar place.

He stepped into the university courtyard and found the person he was looking for sitting on a bench with a book in his hand.

He sat at the opposite end of the bench and spoke without looking at each other.

Galileo: "I see you've made contact with the vampire hunters."

Drake: "Yeah, Mitsuki was kidnapped, so we carried out a rescue mission."

Galileo: "In a certain fate, the people, driven by anxiety after learning about the existence of vampires through intermediaries of the hunters, would engage in indiscriminate hunting. That future could have happened."

Drake: "Too bad it didn't turn out to be anything serious. The matter has been settled for now, thanks to Mitsuki's involvement."

Drake: "Well, I guess I also played a part in it."

Galileo: "Drake, was that your will, or were you just dragged into it?"

Drake: "Who knows?"

Galileo: "Either way, it seems that girl is present at the turning point of fate."

Only peaceful university noises flowed between the two for a while.

Drake: "Hey, Galileo. Can you let me have my freedom from here on?"

Galileo: "What do you plan to do?"

Drake: "I just want to make a bet on whether my wish can come true or not."

Galileo: "And what is your wish?"

The conversation was interrupted once again.

Isaac: "Professor Maury, I'd like to hear your opinion on a student's thesis."

Isaac: "Huh? Drake? Why are you here?"

Drake: "Yo, Newt. I was just looking for a good place to nap and ended up here."

Isaac: "What the hell is that?"

Galileo: "Are you acquainted with him, Professor Ayscough? This guy has been bothering me, so I'll take my leave now."

Isaac: "Ah, yes. Sorry about Drake."

As if switching gears, Galileo left the scene, making it seem as if he and Drake were complete strangers.

Isaac: "Drake, what kind of interaction did you have with Professor Maury?"

Drake: "Hm? We just had some small talk."

Drake: "Well, since the bench is now free, I'm gonna take a nap."

Isaac sighed as Drake nonchalantly lay down on the bench.

The relationship between Galileo and Drake remained unknown to everyone.

Several days later, a dinner party was held in the mansion's garden.

Previous Part ╎ Masterlist ╎ Next Part

[dgdraws]

Maybe saying this on my 18 follower art sideblog is silly, but I want to offer some gentle pushback on the sentiment that's been going around re: notes on art and lack of engagement.

TL;DR make it your practice to be the person who rbs art with nice tags and you can build a community of likeminded folks

There are myriad reasons why online comment culture has shifted, I'm not gonna waste time pinning that stuff down, bc it's actually immaterial to my perspective, which is:

You can find or create a community of people who will lift up your art. But it requires that you participate in the culture you want to see more of.

I had been a lurker on this site for a decade. I held back participating in discussions, creating or sharing art, engaging directly with anyone outside of following blogs and rbing posts without commentary. And during that time, I made no connections, no friends, built no community.

I was afraid of scrutiny. I have felt the humiliating lurch of earnest engagement turning to dread and exposure and a deep regret of allowing myself to be vulnerable. I pulled up the ladder behind me so I would never have to hear the slightest dismissal or repulsion or ridicule from others. In so doing I also cut myself off from praise, understanding or connection. If no one gets a chance to let me down, then it's as though they're holding me up, right? Wrong!!!

I paid good money for a therapist to help me work out the lie there. The realization that I felt isolated and misunderstood because I never gave people the opportunity to show up for me was so hard to grasp. How could my safety net be the cause of my profound loneliness? But it is true. The people in my life couldn't disappoint me, but they also couldn't help me or support me or really love me the way I needed.

Opening myself up to disappointment has been a long, tough road (and goodness knows I'm not ready to let my parents let me down (again) yet). But my relationships are strengthening. My sense of identity is more stable. I am not inconsolably lonely deep in my heart anymore. Because it turns out people do show up when you give them the opportunity.

Not every time. Not every person. But enough of the time that it builds resilience. Every time I reach out and someone reaches back, I get a little braver. I trust a little more.

To bring this back around to online culture and community: I started receiving interest (and notes) after I started showing interest in others. Once again it turns out that people want to turn up for you, but you must give them the opportunity. This means making yourself vulnerable. It means taking the first step.

If you want a community, a group of people who interact w a certain set of values, you have to demonstrate it. Live those values. This is how we create culture. We choose what behavior we want to encourage and we set an example. This is as true in a workplace or a family as it is for tumblr or ao3. If your boss puts up a sign that says "we see mistakes as a chance to learn" but they punish people when they mess up, that's just words on the wall. If they accept errors graciously, if they work to suss out the root of the problem to resolve it, if they are open about their own mistakes, that is the culture.

So if we want to see more reblogs, but not just that, real engagement and chances for connection, then it starts with you.

Here's what I do that has helped me make friends and spark genuine interest in my work;

Reblog LOW NOTE art as much as, if not more than, posts with thousands of notes. Feel proud to give someone the first note on their work!

Incorporate leaving nice tags into my gratitude practice (it is a form of mindfulness! noticing what specifically draws me to art I rb both engages me more deeply with the work and makes my own art better)

Queue up several art posts from the same artist (people notice when you are consistently in their notes!)

Participate in art events like artfight, various -tobers, other challenges (as with making friends anywhere, repeated exposure leads to familiarity and chances for connection!)

Follow people back or even initiate following blogs who interact with your posts (do not approach this with a f4f mentality, only follow people you actually want to hear more from)

Set up post notifications for portfolio style art blogs (ie sideblogs exclusively for original content) so you keep up w your network/mutuals even if you're offline when they post

Low key notice what the people engaging with you like most about your work and consider expanding on those ideas. This is not about "tailor your work to an audience" it's about thinking, "so-and-so left feral tags on my post about this oc so I'll do my practice sketches of them" or "people seem interested in this storyline so let me feed off that enthusiasm and develop it more"

Don't get hung up on it when individuals don't reciprocate. Assume good faith. You never know what is draining someone's energy. Remember that you are offering a gift, your time and energy yes, but also the chance for someone to show up for you too. If it starts to feel like an obligation, reassess where you're putting that energy, but don't be afraid to be generous.

This has worked wonderfully for me. I went from a person scrolling longingly past posts about beloved mutual culture, not quite believing it could really be like that, to a person who happily gets 3 notes on my former flop posts and posts reblog bait for my besties and reblogs the bait they post for me :)

Apparently I had a lot to say! I kinda hope this doesn't break containment but if it does, please be niceys. I understand if this mindset is not available to you bc of social trauma, depression/anxiety, disability, mental illness or whatever else but please avoid venting that on this post. I love you and I hope you can get here someday, because you're worth it. In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself and others. xoxo