#and if i say i really knew you well
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesnāt feel like youāve grown at all! times when you canāt really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably shouldāve). but thatās also kind of the best thing, because thatās the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, itās not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just arenāt for you and certain people arenāt your people, and thatās okay. thatās human. itās okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much iād changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didnāt know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why canāt I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didnāt watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didnāt speak to me at all even though Iād introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldnāt really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#itās okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#itās okay to fall back into old habits even though youāve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process youāve made and the connections youāve built#youāre doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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me: I'm not a bat
Mr pages: (stuffing novels under its robe): I must abscond
#I have a lot of other bits I've collected but don't want to overwhelm the tag#I really would suggest motr and to play it as like. I like it for giving us a day to day slightly more grounded neath life#I think fallen london is a great setting well conveyed in total but motr is way more fleshed out in a āyou're just a guyā way#I also really like the character writing. The gameplay to solve the mysteries is quite obtuse in total but I used a hint guide so it was#I knew what to do bc I would NOT have succeeded otherwise. But experiencing it was still fun#I'm quite torn on how good an intro it is for FL. I think that depends on your genre of choice but as a world introduction...#Idk!! In theory it's probably good. But I'd need to hear from people who went through it as their first to say. It touches on a bit of it a#Mask of the rose spoilers#Fallen london#for virginia and milton teaming up to bully you + mr pages ridiuclous comedy of a life it's worth it to me
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taash said "they were doing it" and people ran with the interpretation of an npc that doesn't know solas or the history of the elvhenan even when bellara interjected and said, no, that's not right. that's not how it was for the elvhenan. they formed bonds before they had physical bodies. and people ran to doompost or create weird anti-solavellan shit even though mythal & solas refer to each other as old friends and when she releases him there is no tenderness or love in it. it is the act of unchaining a dog from his post, the stepping down of a general. but to each their own ig.
#let the record show i think love was there. do I personally perceive it as romantic / sexual? no.#mythal's perception of love & care is warped in and of itself#i think they loved each other. but she loved what she could take from him and what he could give in terms of service#not because she was romantically into him#also i wish we knew more about her & elgar'nan. her regret prison form says she holds no love for him anymore#and it makes me wonder when that love soured. was it when she was blighted? before that? was that love also born of duty and companionship?#this is the last post i'm gonna make ab this i think#bc i believe people are too caught up in the modern western ideas of love as thing we give solely to our romantic partners#and we literally have a character go āour perception is warped bc of the age we live inā and some of you are still being purposefully obtuse#and i think trick saying it's up to interpretation is basically admitting EA had them dumb down the game anyway#if everything ab the rise and fall of the evanuris in game#was condensed to five 2min cutscenes it says enough that whatever the writers wanted#was swiftly cut down by corporate dept. basically saying it's in the fans' court now#also bc it's an easy cop out around new players & non solasmancers who are indifferent ab him / dislike him#as a way to appeal thru a more sympathetic lense of look!! he loved and was led astray#not to mention the clear justinia / leliana parallels#and leliana gets angry if you imply she was romantically involved / in love w justinia#and the romance descr when you remake your inq saying the dread wolf could not predict what it would mean to fall IN LOVE#implying he had never fallen in love before or at the very least experienced a romantic love#also him saying drinking from the well would make you a slave and he gets really upset#yet ive seen takes of āhes doing this for her cus he dgaf ab lavellanā ?? he got mythal killed when he told her ab the blight#whatever feelings of admiration he had for her have rotted. he is literally burdened by his mistakes and his choice in joining her#i feel like if i were a spirit bound and twisted into a weapon i would need my creator to tell me i am Free. i would need that closure#like when cole says its not abuse to bind him if he asks and solas said thats not always true???#if you perceive her interaction w him in vg third act as#anything more than the way justinia released leliana in inq then im sorry maybe youre just obtuse#solavellan#mythal#dragon age meta
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au where SQQ does undergo the 'qi-deviation' and is 'changed' but in reality the twin of Shen Jiu, Shen Yuan made a comment one day about how all Shen Jiu did was bitch about his martial siblings. Never one to turn down a golden opportunity,
Shen Jiu: bet
And so the twins decided to switch lives!
The qi-deviation is just so they can explain away any differences of temperament and so sj can hightail away easier.
Shen Yuan: this is going to be so easy
(spoiler. it wasn't)
Between useless sect meetings that could've been not even an email but a text message, reading fifteen different preteens attempts to sneak in dick jokes into their poetry assignments, the head cook alerting him to the fact that they've somehow run out of rice??? They're the greatest cultivation sect??? How does that happen???
Anyway, two of his Hall masters eloping together and taking an extended honeymoon (he's happy for them, but. Who's going to teach those classes now??? Him. Apparently.), sect politics and his 'martial siblings' barely even attempting a farce of civility or courtesy AND his guqin strings needing to be replaced and restrung ?
Shen Yuan is sorry ššplease come backššš
Cue the allotted period of switching ending and Shen Yuan dramatically throwing the fan on the ground as Shen Jiu rolls up and goes "thanks for the vacation didi"
#then it was shen yuan's turn to bitch about their martial siblings#all of cang qiong in the background:#we've been bamboozled#there are two funny thing you could do with yue qingyuan: one. he knew the whole time and totally went#āshould we check for possession by making Xiao 'jiu' drawing hong jing? of course. infact. we should use ALL of the possession detecting#artifacts we have. for safety purposes.ā#āsect leader why are you mailing a letter that says 'hope you're enjoying your vacation -love qi-ge'?ā#or two: he's fooled as well and just thinks he's projecting his desire to see the tiny xiao yuan who he and xiao jiu lost all those years#ago again. and that the grief of loosing shen yuan is what changed shen jiu into the man that he is today#so that maybe loosing his memories. also had him loose that grief. and that maybe underneath the weighty mould of the past. shen jiu and#xiao yuan really were alike after all#svsss#svsss au#svsss parent trap au?#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#shen jiu#original shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#cang qiong#cang qiong mountain sect peak lords#realizing i forgot the second option was supposed to be funny#there are so many errors in my spelling and punctuation its not even funny. ignore it please i am procrastinating on stuff
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the thing about horses is that they know what it means to sin and they revel in it. horse heaven exists yet it is barren because all horses knowingly gallop into the fiery pits of hell when their time comes. they welcome it with open hooves
#icarus speaks#did u ever tell u guys i grew up on farms and was a farmhand for years#most farm animals know sin#except for pigs#well. pigs KNOW sin. theyāre insanely smart creatures#but they donāt practice it as much. when a pig acts up you know itās not in their heart. theyāve had a bad day#when a horse acts up you know theyāre doing it because they fucking hate you#chickens too. and roosters.#i was only ever on farms with swans when i was really little#but theyāre second-only to horses on the sin list#maybe theyāre tied. itās harder to say bc i only knew them until i was like. 5#HOW DOD I FORGET COWS THATS OUR MAIN EXPORT#they do not know sin i love cows sm#sheep. sheep are on thin ice
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I love your take on Crowley!
I know that the early, non-Diasomnia stories aren't really your thing, but are you reading the novels at all?
I have been following some of the fan translations and the second book seems intense! Would love to hear what you think about them.
thank you! ššš I'm not really sure why you think I don't like the earlier arcs though, I love pretty much all the characters and their storis! (I think 5 and 1 are my favorite of the past episodes, though 6 infected me with the Shroud brainrot something fierce.) I just...ESPECIALLY love diasomnia. :') but there is room in my heart for all of these dweebs! like, who among us is not just as ride-or-die for Adeuce as they are for us.
that said, I don't really follow the other adaptations like the manga (aside from a dip-in just to see the new Yuus) or the novels, though I keep meaning to check them out! I do like seeing the differences between the different forms of media, and how certain things get adapted one way or another! but alas, time/a lack of accessibility stands in our way more often than not. :( someday...someday I will have time to consume all of the media...
#art#twisted wonderland#i have been playing this game since the day it came out#and believe me i could not have stuck with it for the past three and a half years if i was not deep into all of these idiots#not to harp on it but i do think it's funny because i actually. really did not like the diasomnias at first.#it was like a month before their cards/personal stories were added and so we knew almost NOTHING about them#the website descriptions basically make everyone sound awful#so i thought they were kind of mean/boring compared to everyone else!#(except maybe lilia but i was mad at him for the two seconds of 'girl? š' hope i had when they were revealed)#but once their cards came out i fell just as hard for them as i did the rest of this silly game#well. sebek took a little longer. but his ketchup incident converted me.#anyway i have so much sentimentality for episode 1 especially#the prologue was like 'oh this is actually a very silly game! oh there is a plot!'#episode 1 was like 'oh i LIKE these characters and what they're doing with them'#(i think ace punching riddle was the moment i decided i REALLY liked this game) (sorry riddle) (you were being a huge dick though)#also...ink drips. ink drips everywhere.#look when i say this game is laser-focused at me and my tastes specifically i am not kidding
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Vettonso complaining about each other not respecting schrondinger's track limits on the radio compilation + Seb's commentary that made me a bit feral
Must include these sexy ass pics okay, it makes me feral how hard they race each other.
Also SO upset that we got this vid and there's also pictures(and presumably a vid out there somewhere) of Fernando, back then, ALSO debriefing this race. And yet we never got them together?????? Evil. Fucked up.
Imagine seeing them complaining about each other but also having to (begrudgingly if you're Fernando) compliment each other IN FRONT of each other. Maybe its a good thing it doesn't exist, bcs then I'd have a heart attack.
#this is just a supercut of the f1 vid in the source so you should watch that as well :)#thank you boo to inadvertently pointing me towards this moment cause man it makes me insane#like the added context of knowing seb was just being bratty cause he KNEW fernando was heated on the radio is SO funny#fernando's radios....actually so feral#'give back the position IMMEDIATELY'#fernando i dont have the position but i will do my best to give it to you anyways#grrrrrrr theres smth about getting to see seb discuss such a vettonso hard racing moment#he clearly respects him š„¹#but even years on you can tell hes SO pleased abt how much he was irritating fernando#this is the kinda clip that makes me wish f1 had proximity chat#them both on the radio like 'does that idiot EVEN know what hes doing'#also the annoying confidence of seb on the radio saying its fernando's fault if he gets a punctuee#and not even mentioning the fact that he could get a puncture š#but again. to hear him complimenting Fernando really kills me#just about his spacial awareness and how seb feels like he can always race him to the limit bcs he TRUSTS him#like that is the true f1 romance to me. racing someone hard and complaining on the radio but +#admitting that you never rly felt in danger bcs you TRUST the other driver!!!!!!!#i love sassy angry radios. they both sound so........yeah. im unwell#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#we do a little bit of f1#2014 british gp#vettonso
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itadakimasu . gochisousamadesu .
#well. i have no excuses this all began with the urge to draw happy dazai and flustered chuuya#dazai was planning to manipulate chuuya into bringing the same food but chuuya went im out bye before he could say another word lmao#i was drafting this idea thinking that it would be short and sweet but the next thing i knew they started bickering on my sketches then boom#a longass comic was born dam it.#kids pls stop bickering and making my life harder /j#anyways thank you for reading jashlkdjghsg not really that happy with this#i swear i was giggling when i imagined it in my head kajshfklsf#is chuuya smiling or frowning at the end we will never know#skk#teen skk#chuuya's cooking supremacy#bsd chuuya#bsd dazai#bsd#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu#nakahara chuuya#fluff#sketch#comic#my art#im so rusty with comics aaaaa#stay healthy kids#soukoku#my comic
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Ya know, Castlevania tackled the concept that life after defeating Dracula could be difficult for a Belmont with Richter feeling like heād lost all purpose and reason to go on living if not for saving others and fighting against somethingā
But, do you think any of them before him felt that way too?
I mean it sounds kind of miserable, being raised your whole life to be solely relied on for one momentā¦ and then what? How do you handle the sudden shift to ānot being needed anymoreā? Evidently, most of them didnāt have very much happen to them after the events of their games since we donāt get to knowā
But, do you think any of them ever got better? Do you think anyone before Richter ever learned how to live for themselves? Did Richter?
Anyway itās 8 PM and Iām sitting around wondering if any of the Belmonts were still happy after their happy endings (debatable if certain ones got happy endings tbh but anyway), Konami can u check on them, Iām worriedā
#like do you think Trevor ever stopped going out looking for stragglers#do you think he couldnāt convince himself it was ever really over after Curse of Darkness#what do you think Christopher thought about handing the whip over to his son#do you think ever he wished he didnāt have toā do you think he hoped somehow heād stopped it forever that last time#do you think Soleil felt the same after he had to past it on#how long do you think Simon thought about how he couldāve done it differentlyā do you think he thought he didnāt do well enough#do you think Simon died feeling like the familyās second failure#do you think Juste felt like his encounter didnāt count#do you think he and Maxim felt similarly about needing to be important#hmm just a lot of things to think about#castlevania#castlevania games#akumajo dracula#text post#akumajou dracula#incoherent rambling#let me tell you when I say I have headcanons about tiny intricacies of characters#I have headcanons about tiny intricacies about charactersā#like hereās one: Simon puts his hands on or scratches the back of his neck as a nervous ticā#he likes the color byzantine he puts his eartails back when fighting cause they get in the way he sleeps on his face cause his back hurtsā#he jokes about the bad situations heās in he idolizes people way too easily and he takes everything people say to heart but doesnāt show it#I think he probs didnāt take beating Dracula the first time very well if Richterās possession being inspired by his Quest means anythingā#aoouggh then I take the ending of CV2 the way I do and mannnnnnnnnnā#do you think he knew people would care about and look up to him so much after that?#does anyone else think about things like this?#ah the tragedy of the Belmont family#hmmm anywayā
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Something something perhaps the reason Curly lacks a truly undamaged ID where his face is visible is to represent how much damage Jimmy had already affected on him throughout their relationship and the way Curly obscured part of who he is and what he stood to unintentionally cater to this toxic influence in his life.
#I think there is something to say that most people draw post crash curly and may not have every drawn him pre crash#and I think it says something that we only really look at the characters substantially in relation to Jimmy and not their own merits#unless we are discussing how J I M M Y mischarcterizes them cause in this#since we donāt assign a face and identify to Curlyās actions outside of Jimmy until the end their is the question of how much we are viewing#them as separate entities rather than intertwined actions cause while the flipping#of who we play at shows them and parallels and in separable in terms of the story going down#they couldnāt be drastically more different in thinking and you only really realize that at the birthday scene where Curly felt the need to#take responsibility for something while Jimmy just felt the need to take#this is also more so me thinking about all the reason people think Curly and Jimmy could be friends but they are missing the point of Jimmy#and his dynamic there is nothing severely weird or sinister about Curly or his intentions itās that heās well meaning to a fault#heās an average dude having a mid life crisis and Jimmy is a guy that takes advantage of good intentions like the idea#that curly has to be like Jimmy in some way personality humor morally is the exact sort of projection Jimmy wants#to happen and does like itās the sad and real case that sometimes people just have friends like Jimmy that they canāt cut off for one reason#or another like itās not highly philosophical people are friends with objective assholes but itās less about them#and more about the person feeling some obligation to stay like I feel like crafting him into#being more morally grey is to just make it easier to be angrier or think someone with more of a backbone#could of done something but itās not even that he was spineless he was just too distracted and sometimes that feel like cowardice like even#Swansea waited itās just the sad truth of how people avoid people like Jimmy or setting them off#sometimes it just does more harm than good I just am so bored with all the takes#acting like there was a perfect man on that ship and that any one outside of Anya knew the exact type of guy Jimmy#was from the get go like the point is other men wouldnāt in rape culture but women and their victims already know#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#throwing rocks at Jimmy
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okay okay which one of y'all finally put garashir on julian's memory alpha page
#im screaming#'flirtatious way' links to the page on sexuality#the source for the block quote is that arab-american history month interview with sid. of course#i finally went and read the whole thing and folks. it's unhinged#i like that the interviewer asked him exactly what i've wanted to#like basically okay you say now that it was all intentional queer coding but you used to say it wasn't so WHAT IS THE TRUTH#but in a nice way because he's a very nice man#and he was kinda like well. i knew in the back of my mind#and you know what. fair enough#i mean i dont know if he ever outright denied it but he's been very coy about it in the past#so to really have him say with his whole chest that he played julian as attracted to garak is really. something. happy pride everybody
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i'll bring these out to the public actually
#clemspaint#clemart#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#lil oldman#mac opsys#maintagged dont care we die like men#i think itd be really funny if they somehow knew each other#or you could even say be related somehow. both are funny situations to me. doesnt matter how.#since lil oldman is related to YOTT / the elders and I imagine there isnt a lot of technology andthen mac is yknow. entirely related to tec#also they both have some sort of connections to sellbots. lil oldman with minglers and mac with brian#also both cool-colored rabbits. Macs purple and Lil Oldman is technically a slate blue but my mind always reads it as a blue purple#i like to play around with the idea but i never actually do anything with it because i feel like thatd be crazy but my friend liked the ide#so i figure other people will as well. my visions.#these are kind of cornplating correlations that i feel can be easily explained away and hold no correlations to each other but#its the coincidences that are fun#if youre crazy and try hard enough you can compare almost any character#if theres one thing ive learned through the years its that
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Re-design of my un-named Beetlejuice OC from back when I was thirteen
Original Reference under the cut:
#my art#beetlejuice#toonjuice#beetlejuice cartoon#beetlejuice fanart#beetlejuice movie#procreate#I donāt really make OCās for fanwork anymoreā¦ but the ones I had when I was younger almost never got named š„²#When I first made her I really really liked her- and her story was very self indulgent#Looking at it now is almost way too weird for meā¦ (and honestly a little unintentionally homophobic???)#Basically she was one of the girls from Danteās infernoā¦ except she got kicked out because she only had attraction to girls#(This was BEFORE I suspected that I was a lesbianā mind you.)#Yeah but anyway she went to the Deetz/Maitland house looking for a place to stay but drove everybody crazy#She was super flamboyant- loved everything pink n fluffy- and was well meaning but did more harm than good trying to do nice things for the#She had this one sided crush on Delia??? Like musical Beej and Adam except less perverted and more flirty/sappy? I was an odd kid- okay? š„²#Anywayā¦ the old design didnāt really do much to show off her personalityā¦ so I ended up upheaving the whole thing#It was okay for what I knew at the time- but I know what I was trying to say then and now I have the knowledge to say it better#Alsoā the reason I gave her horns here is so silly.#When I was younger I was in a Christian school where I wasnāt allowed to draw witches-ghosts-demons-etc.#So even though I based her on the Dante girlsā¦ I refused to give her horns because I thought that was ātoo sinfulā#I even remember having so much guilt while looking for references of the Dante workers#I couldnāt even look for more than five seconds!#Anywaysā¦ she really pushed the boundaries for me at the time and itās fun to see how Iāve changed and grown since then.
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my fields of mistria farmer, nazaret (yes i already have a character with that name, sshhhhhhhh)
eiland's 2 heart event may or may not have helped me solidify nazaret's background š
#ts4#the sims 4#fields of mistria#fom farmer#i tend to reuse names i really like. it can be confusing i'm sorry :(#but yeah farmer's behavior kinda gave me an idea/theory for the game lmao#basically nazaret is a dragonsworn (which is why he knew how to open up the stele so quickly and why he seemed kinda nervous when#eiland brought up the dragonsworn)#but like caldarus he's got a bit of amnesia. he was awoken either during the earthquake or a little while before it#and him being dragonsworn is kinda what drew him to taking the job in mistria despite the town's low ranking#"but he clearly looks dragon-y' you might be saying#well the answer is magic. there's magic that hides his dragon-y features and makes him look like a normal human to everyone#it's magic that nazaret doesn't even realize he's casting (it's sort of a defense mechanism?)#and it's fairly low level that it doesn't drain him very much#which leads to juniper being suspicious of him and why she thinks he's a witch during her two heart event
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āSheās tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt meāš¤š¤š¤
(Regency AU with Eloise and Sebastian inspired by my slow trek through Bridgerton these days & @bassicallymaestra ās AMAZING regency inspired artš®āšØšš)
#I just have a love of big regency dresses what can I sayšš#if you havenāt seen them yet this is a study of the GORGEOUS P&P illustrations from the 1890s by Charles Brock#they are all just so spectacular & I stare at them alllllllllll the time wishing I had an ounce of his talentššš#so I do these studies to pretend even though I change some thingsš
š
bc these studies is the best way to improve imoš#but I remembered halfway through why I rage quit trying to draw with my fountain pen a year agoššš#that thing is amazing for writing and I love it like a child#but drawing?! tbh I should have used my drawing ink pen but whatever#I woke up with a hankering to do some crosshatching (which I hate) in an attempt to get over myself#also!!!!!! when Mr Darcy says something like that itās no wonder Elizabeth jumps at the bit to believe every awful thing she hears about him#itās like Mr wickhamās dumb stories that nobody else in their right mind would believe#are speaking right to her soul. like OF COURSE that asshole from the assembly would do all of those thingsš¤š¤#he called me ugly so OF COURSE he would deny mr wickham his livingš¤š¤#(I donāt blame her I would do the sameš¤š¤)#ALSO why tf did he even say that when heās clearly smitten from the beginning#Iām sure if he knew that she heard him he would simply perish from mortification#well thst is my p&p - inking horror - inspiration rant of the dayšš#(I read p&p at least once a year & it is the only fanfic I really readš
š
š
)#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise#eloise babbit#regency au
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Getting rejected from an audition sucks guys Iām actually really sad rn ā¹ļøā¹ļøš
#tell me why Iām actually so upset šš#like crying#I CANNOT handle rejection#I NEVER GET REJECTED ?? :(#like i was so excited to be the bass guitarist for this new jazz band at uni and I auditioned and it went well ??#only to get an email back saying that I didnāt get in bc I canāt sight read šš#THEY SAID IT WASNT A PROBLEM IN THE AUDITION ??#also I can still read music ?!!#I studied music tf#also itās not like Iām bad bassist lowkey not to flex but Iām so good and can play to grade 8 and my old jazz band was WAY better#and you couldnāt even get auditioned for that one#you had to be invited#not to flex but I was invited#and also sight reading is literally not even an issue bc if you just give me the sheet music before#I can play#and in the audition they literally said itās not an issue#so why are they bs ing me now#I KNEW THAT PRESIDENT HAD IT OUT FOR ME FROM THE START#HE LITERALLY HATES ME#also itās not even like there was a better bassist#Iām really sad rn I was looking forward to it so bad#I have no will to live#bro Iām actually so sad rn ššā¹ļøā¹ļø#I miss my old jazz band so much omg Iām so sad#nia rants !
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