#and if I need an extra dose and don't take it I can get very sick very fast

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! Weird question time again So I have kind of a lot of emergency/as needed medications that I have to have with me in my purse whenever I leave the house, and a few more that I have to take with meals, so if I'm going to leave the house for longer than a quick errand I need those too. The problem: I have two nieces that live nearby-ish, one of which is an absolute bundle of chaos of a toddler*, and the kidlet I babysat is going to visit next year. He's nine. If I spend time with any of those kids, how do I childproof my purse full of medications without making it difficult to access emergency medications I could need at very short notice while potentially pretty significantly impaired, like my rescue inhaler? *her parents babyproofed some doors with those latches high up on the door and she figured out how to take a broom and unlatch them

[genderqueerdykes]

small observations for people who are just starting testosterone HRT

If you suffer from chronic fatigue, chronic illness, or mental illness, you may notice that your energy levels dip down very low after first starting T. this is due your body needing extra energy to process the extra hormones, not anything long lasting. after your body adjusts, this fatigue will go away, and you may actually find that you have way, way more energy now

Beards love to be patchy and mustaches love to be invisible or nonexistent at first. if your beard is patchy at first, or if you just can't grow a full mustache, this is also normal. it can take years of testosterone HRT for beards to become full, especially if you had low T to begin with. moisturizing your beard regularly can help reduce this, and also any potential itchiness from being too long. beards will get itchy for many if they get long.

The acne (should) go away after your body adjusts, and you will not be greasy forever. you will find that your natural body odor smells different, though. this lasts as long as you are on T, as far as i'm aware for most people, but it's only noticeable for me when i get very sweaty after a lot of exertion, or illness.

You may find after you adjust that you have generally a bit more stamina or ease with starting up or adjusting to new physical activities after you've adjusted. it may be easier for you to work out now because you don't become fatigued as easy, for example, or you may find it is easier for you to put on muscle density.

The mood swings will calm down in time- they are most severe right after you start T, and then taper down as your body adjusts. it doesn't turn you into a "rage monster". you just go through normal pubescent moodiness. it's manageable, especially if you have good coping skills like physical activity, journaling, or art while stressed.

Libido goes either way, i've noticed. many people see a huge spike in libido at first, sometimes it stays for a long time, other people don't notice any change whatsoever. also, T for most people will not change what gender or type of person you are attracted to, however it can change how you view yourself in relationships and lead you to changing your identity labels, or questioning things. it generally doesn't make people change their identities overnight, though

Periods do stop for the vast majority of transmascs. it can take a long time, but they do stop if your doseage of T is right for you. if yours haven't stopped and you do not have reproductive health issues, you likely just need a higher dose to see this effect.

Breast tissue reduces in density when higher levels of testosterone are in the body, so it is very likely that you will see your breasts become flatter or even "Deflate" a bit. this is entirely normal. my chest has been like this my entire life due to very high T from hyperandrogenism & intersexuality

Balding can definitely happen, but this is generally only if you have a genetic predisposition to it. i have actually not seen many transmascs bald, although for many of us, our hairlines do shift upwards, but it's not noticeable unless you compare how you look now to older pics of yourself, and generally it takes years for your hairline to migrate anyway, which is natural for AMAB people later in life anyway. even if you do bald, you can speak with your prescriber and have access to medications to help with balding. it's not the end of the road and many respond very well to medication.

[l0vergirls]

munchausen syndrome by proxy.

romantic yan!batfam <3

as requested by anon:

the symptoms start showing slowly in the form of fatigue, common headaches, and dizziness. as time passed, it got worse and worse, which left you bedridden.

it was tough to get used to, but you held onto the hope that it'll be gone in a couple weeks, just as bruce said.

during this time, they coddled you to no end.

dick often visited you with a hot meal in his hands, which he'd insisted on feeding to you even though you've proven you could do it yourself.

no use straining yourself with extra work, he said.

you could accept that he was a caretaker at heart, but it felt a bit much when he would run his fingers through your hair, whispering words of consolation.

tim was usually the one giving you your doses, as well as bruce. there was no reason to suspect him, after all, with his skittish grin and slightly awkward demeanor. sometimes, he would bring a handheld console with him to ease your boredom. you favored him slightly more than the others because of that.

jason visited you the least and when he would, he had an unreadable expression written all over his face. he wasn't bad company; conversations with him were always fluid and enjoyable, which was why you wondered why he seldom visited you when you were stuck in that room. you didn't hold it against him— you couldn't, for some reason.

damian liked visiting you, though if you didn't know him as well as you did, you couldn't exactly tell. you've learned to look at the most miniscule of his habits to read him. the most obvious one would be how his shoulders would slightly relax around you.

bruce was by your side most often, believe it or not. whether it be giving you your medicine, or just to spend the night sleeping on the chair whilst he holds you hand. he constantly reassured you that you'd be better in no time; not that you had any other choice but to believe him.

when the couple weeks are up, you've felt an improvement. that is until you suddenly feel like fainting after a shower.

you didn't— but the boys would rather not take a risk, so why not just stay here a bit longer? that way, they can monitor your vitals, and give you just what you need!

you're free to roam around the mansion, just don't push yourself too hard lest you want to find yourself back in that room.

and if you suddenly feel suffocated, so hopeless in that place, fearing that you may never get better? fret not, someone's always there to wipe your tears, hold you tenderly in his arms, and kiss away your sorrows.

do i think that jason would feel very guilty basically having a hand in taking away your autonomy? yes . will i elaborate on this? let me get back to you on that .......

[just-a-ghost00]

Predictions for the next 3 months

Pick your group based on your sun sign’s element. As a reminder, water signs are Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. Earth signs are Virgo Taurus Capricorn. Fire signs are Aries Leo Sagittarius and Air signs are Gemini Libra Aquarius.

Water signs

Predictions | White Numen, Queen of cups, 9 of cups, ace of cups, The Moon, 2 of wands

Well, water babies, it is safe to say that during the upcoming 3 months, you will be in your element. And that might be because Scorpio season is approaching. If you are a Scorpio sun, this time of the year will definitely be a good time for you. You will be going through a very creative and inspiring phase of your life and embody your highest divine feminine potential. Guided by your intuition and your dreams, you may be manifesting great opportunities, especially when it comes to partnerships. Information will be revealed to you during night time. You will be receiving downloads from your guides during this period to help you successfully plan your future. The energies look very positive for you. If you were struggling in your relationships lately, the energies will be soothed and you may enjoy your time with loved ones more. If you're in a romantic relationship, expect your partner to be more in tune with your needs and showing more affection. If you're single, you may be meeting a new romantic interest or receiving a romantic offer from someone you already met. Regarding your career, the energies seem to be working in your favor. You are going to move forward with a very soothing and nurturing energy, an assured step and creative mindset that will enable you to be efficient and well liked by your coworkers and audience. This is a very beneficial time for you, especially if you are a mother or are seeking to conceive a child, if you work with children, if your job involves being creative or nurturing others. Your positive attitude and motherly nature will work like a charm on others. During these months, self care is the master word. Though you may sometimes feel triggered or challenged, you will be able to astutely and skillfully manoeuvre your way through or around any obstacle, like a beautiful and powerful river.

Advice | Sodalite Deepen your intuition, Astrophyllite Unlock your highest potential, Larimar Slow your roll

You can work with the energies of the crystals mentioned above to help you navigate through the upcoming months. Most of them are of a blueish color. It is safe to say that wearing blue could also be beneficial to you as it will soothe your mind and heart, help clear your throat chakra and convey a feeling of trustworthyness to your partners. You are encouraged to deepen your intuitive skills through meditation or any other mean that gets you to look inward, like praying or doing a physical activity, going out in nature and so on. The energy of Sodalite will help you if you are planning for a project or if you are a producer. It is best used when you have a hard time decision making. Larimar will help you with anger management, especially when you feel like people's issues become yours. It is best advised if you tend to be hot tempered. Finally, Astrophyllite will be good if you need an extra dose of energy to work toward your divine purpose. It is mainly meant to boost your energy. During this time, you are encouraged to be kind to yourself and take time to slow down once in a while. It is important that you don't overwork yourself to keep a cool and sharp mind.

Group 2 - Earth signs

Predictions | 9 of cups, knight of cups, Hierophant, The Fool, The Moon, 2 of swords

Ooh Earth signs, love is in the air for you. That would be true especially if you are a Taurus sun. Are you planning on asking someone out? Or even proposing to someone? If that is your case, though you may feel anxious about it, I see a positive outcome to this situation. In general, I see a significant progress in romantic relationships for Earth sun signs. If you've been frequently day dreaming about a person, wishing to get closer to them, wondering if you should make a step forward and let your intentions be known, this is your sign to make a move. Career wise, I feel like the energies are overall in your favor. You will be taking a new turn in your career, especially if your passions and dreams are involved. This new phase may be a bit intimidating and confusing, for you are not sure where the path will lead. But your positive outlook on things and your passion and dedication will be your best assets in such a time. Your intuition will be a powerfool tool to help you navigate shallow and uncertain waters in all areas of your life. If you were hesitating on changing something regarding your work, this is your sign to do it confidently. You may often times find yourself caught up in your head and have a hard time translating your thoughts and visions into actions. In such times, a mentor figure could be helping you in seeing things from a new perspective. You can definitely count on your superiors or more experienced people around you, whether they are family members, coworkers or friends. Even strangers could be of help in some type of way. Have faith in your dreams, no matter how crazy they may sound. You have what it takes to get there.

Advice | Ametrine Make your big dreams your big life, Moldavite Transform your life on Earth, Barite Get answers to your biggest questions

Working with these crystals is one way that you can best face the energies of the upcoming months. Wearing earthly colors such as green, reds and browns, yellows and oranges could also boost your energy and help you ground yourself should you feel distracted or all over the place. You are encouraged to embrace your dreams fully and make positive changes in your daily life that can help you get closer to those dreams. To give you a very simple example, I am considering getting back to learning Japanese and Korean. One thing that I could do is studying for a short period of time each day when I am in public transport. Or I could stick post it notes on different objects in my house to help me remember vocabulary. You are also encouraged to consider other options and paths if what you're currently doing doesn't fulfill you. Same goes for relationships. If something in general doesn't feel right, you are called to do something about it. Ametrine will work best whenever you need to respect a deadline or you are feeling undecisive. Moldavite is advised for spiritual seekers or people that feel like their life lacks a touch of magic. It's best used when you feel like you are disconnected from spirit or too deeply rooted in your routine. Barite will work best for those of you that are feeling like where they're at isn't where they're supposed to be and feel called to move toward their destiny. If you struggle with saying no to things that you don't enjoy or resonate with, this crystal will help you with setting boundaries.

Group 3 - Fire signs

Predictions | Wheel of fortune, Hermit rx, 7 of pentacles rx, Ace of cups, King of cups, The Magician

For all of you beautiful fireworks, I feel like there's a major shift in your energy. You are tired of waiting for the tables to turn and for Fortune to be in your favor so you will take the reigns of your life and try your luck by spinning the wheel. That may be true especially for the Leos out there, as the Wheel of fortune is fixed sign energy. If you were previously in a snail like energy, not wanting to get out or mingle with people, not feeling super good about yourself and how your life is going, then this reading is for you. This time around you decide to kick yourself in the butt and have a more proactive energy in all areas of your life. You are done being the patient and snuggly little kitty that waits by the fire place. You now want to be the demanding and authoritative feline that hunts down its prey. You are tired of waiting for others to fill your cup and take care of you. You will now be your own man and number one fan. You are done waiting for your boss to magically notice how good of a business partner you are and grant you a promotion. You will get out of your seat and negotiate your pay because you damn well deserve it. The opportunity you wanted didn't show up? Well, it's about time you actively manifest it. Your desired partner is still MIA? Watch yourself putting yourself out there and being the hottest topic in town. You will let yourself be known and seen during the upcoming months and that is for the best. It is safe to say that fire signs, in the upcoming three months, are likely to get fired up. That can both be beneficial to you as it will give you the drive to reach your goals and express your full potential but it could also be an obstacle as you may rush into things or come off as provocative or aggressive toward others.

Advice | Amber Recharge your good vibes, Aquamarine Keep your cool, Chrysoprase Grow from your heart out

Working with these crystals could be beneficial to you during this period of time. Wearing colors such as soft blues or yellows/oranges could also be helpful. You are advised to temper yourself and surround yourself with things and people that make you feel good and uplift your spirits. I'm specifically picking up on music and your social media feed. You have to be surrounded by content that motivates you and inspires you. Anytime you are faced with a decision, make sure your choice is coming from your heart. Amber will be useful to boost your energy, deepen intimacy and help you be more confident when it is worn by the user. It can also help with cleansing the energy of a room if the crystal is placed in the center of it. Aquamarine is a good crystal for fire signs as it balances out their fiery nature with it's soothing watery vibe. It helps with communication and respiratory issues, also brings a sense of calmness. It is sometime advised to clean Aquamarine by submerging it in water. "If you’re an empath and get worn out by others’ feelings, chrysoprase can ease your mind and help you establish boundaries." This crystal can be linked to the heart chakra and can be used to get out of a phase of isolation and self-deprecation.

Group 4 - Air signs

Predictions | 4 of wands, 9 of pentacles, 2 of wands, knight of wands, King of wands, King of pentacles

The upcoming 3 months may be a period of transition for you. However, this heralds positive outcomes. When it comes to partnerships and love, you will feel safe and succesful in your union. You might want to explore new territories with your partner. Career wise, your efforts are paying off. I see you securing your position and being in a comfortable financial situation that allows you to explore other options and new projects. If you were considering taking on a new responsibility, finding a new home, taking things to the next level with your partner, you are encouraged to do so as you have all the tools and means at hand to be succesful in that endeavor. You may feel inspired and bold during this time. You will be confident about your ideas, your skills, your projects. You will look at the future with a peaceful heart because you believe in yourself and trust in your ability to turn dust into gold. Your innovative mind and open spirit will be your best assets, especially if you're in a position of authority. These three months will urge you to take a leadership position, whether it is in your personal or professional life. For those of you who are single, you may find yourself being attracted to a very independant and hardworking person, someone that is stable and succesful. This person will be very clear on their intentions and match your level. This is someone that is on the same wavelength as you when it comes to ideals and life projects, they could be in the same field of work or hold a position similar to yours. They could be a balanced mix of earth and fire energy. Overall the next three months look very promissing for you in all areas of your life.

Advice | Clear quartz, Tiger's eye, Celestite

Tiger's eye is often advised for spiritual protection as well as boosting one's self confidence. If you are feeling like you are being spiritually attacked or envious eyes are trying to set you off balance, you can definitely wear that stone as a piece of jewelry or place it in your space, at home or at work. Clear quartz brings clarity and cleansing. Whenever you feel like things are getting too much or you no longer see the bigger picture, you can meditate using that stone. As for Celestite, it can be used to enhance your psychic abilities, to ease your anxiety or clear any blockages regarding communication. If you ever feel like you can't express your truth properly, then definitely work with that stone. You can also wear colors that are close to that of these stones. So white, blues or shades of brown/orange.

[palepersonacoffee]

💜for the ask game?

💜 What is your favourite fantasy involving detrans/misgen?

My doctor decides I'd be be better off as a girl. Of course, if I knew that that's what they thought, I would switch doctors, so they don't tell me. Instead, they trick me into detransitioning- They tell me that my T levels are abnormally high, so I need to take a lower dose to get me back on track. After all, extra testosterone in the body turns into estradiol or something right? We don't want that. So they halve my dose indefinitely, and send me to a therapist that's in on the game. I think the therapist is kind of weird, but I don't want my mental health to take a turn because I'm sad about my lower dose.

The next appointment I go in to see the doctor, they tell me to take my shirt off. I ask why, and they gaslight me into thinking it's so they can check my health somehow- but they don't do it right away. I sit there on the table covering my chest up while they talk about the new drugs they're prescribing me. I don't think about anything but how humiliated I am- Whats Flibanserin? What's domperidone? What's Metoclopramide? What's topamax and why is the dose on that so high? I don't know and I'm not paying attention. I'm just desperately wishing I could put my shirt back on. When theyre finished listing off all the new medications I need to take, the brush my hands put of the way where I was covering up like it's the most normal thing in the world. They start squeezing my tits, massaging them, pinching and pulling and jiggling. I'm squeezing my eyes shut wishing it was over.

My next appointment, I'm really confused for some reason. Dizzy and stupid and dim. The therapist has been having me undress to talk about my trauma because somehow that's going to help me, so it's not weird that the doctor is having me undress now. They finger my sloppy cunt while they tell me that I need to stop taking testosterone entirely, it's very dangerous for me. I try to ask why but I'm so out of it, they just brush right over me. They put me on estrogen and I don't even notice. They tell me that to keep myself healthy, I need to start pumping my breasts. There's yucky stuff in there and I need to get it all out every night before I can start taking T again. They up my dose on everything. They tell me I can go ahead and leave my boxers and jeans and binder with them, I don't need them, they need to make sure I'm not using them to hurt myself. Oh, here's the breast pump I need btw. Start immediately.

My next appointment, I'm basically brainless. The therapist had to drop me off. Why was the therapist driving me around places again? What happened to all my boy clothes? Why are my tits so big? I can't remember. I don't have the brainpower to think about it for very long. The doctor doesn't even bother talking to me other than to tell me to strip. They press something big into my wet vagina, so big it's uncomfortable and I can't close my legs around it. Somehow, maybe using a medical glue, they make sure it stays inside me. Then they start fingerings my ass open, and do the same there. They tell me it's unsafe for me to be alone, but luckily there's a clinic near here that can help me. I need to be admitted ASAP. I look ridiculous when they finally let me stand up from where I was bent over the examination table, I can't even walk right. I waddle around, crab walking because I can't close my legs around the things inside me. They don't say anything when they pry my mouth open to stuff something inside there, either- I don't realize it, but it's my old boxers. They expect me to just stupidly take it without any explanation, and I do. They tell me to step into the closet over there and they shut the door behind me, locking me in until the end of their shift. I can hear them starting the same thing with another confused girl, but I cant make any noise to warn them. I wouldn't know what was even happening anyways. I can barely articulate my own name. When their shift is finally over, they take me to the clinic- It's just their house.

[gatitties]

Hellooo! Im so happy you opened your request 😩Can i request something for platonic Yandere strawhats (zoro and luffy really) with a teen! Reader who acts snarky and bold but they’re scared of everything form a butterfly to a emperor of the sea so they refuse to join the crew? If possible could you include law as well. Tyy💕

─Yandere!Strawhats (Luffy & Zoro) & Law x teen!reader (Platonic)

─Summary: you are a stubborn teenager and you refuse to have extra 'protection', bad luck for you…

─Warnings: manipulation, death, mention of gutting someone, blood, unjustified obsession, toxic behaviors, yandere stuff...

─ Are you an idiot? Affectionate question that these two ask each other when they meet you.

─ You are brave and stubborn enough to get hurt during a fight but you run away if you see a butterfly because bugs are ugly and scary according to you.

─ And on top of that you deny his offer to be on his crew? Your pride is going to make these two men bald, they are doing all this for your good, you should be more aware of their actions.

─ Luffy is by your side day and night repeating over and over again that you are part of his crew, he will refuse to leave the island without you, you are too young, inexperienced and afraid to survive on your own even if you have family who can take care of you.

─ In fact, Zoro already took care of that, definitely if your family members didn't exceed his expectations, which to no one's surprise, they didn't, they wouldn't be able to protect you like he would.

─ It took them at least a week to persuade you enough with some manipulation, with the help of Robin, and even when you were half convinced to leave in search of not-so-desired adventures, they ended up kidnapping you because you were still stubborn.

─ So you found yourself glued to two idiots against your will, playing games with Luffy that even at your age wouldn't find fun, watching in silence as Zoro flexed his muscles while he trained.

─ And if you thought that someone from the crew was going to help you get out of that spiral of obsession you were very wrong, if they weren't threatened, they would also be somewhat obsessed with keeping you safe after spending some time by your side.

─ They will take advantage of how scared you are, literally anything would make you jump two meters off the ground, once you were scared of your own shadow, everyone will take advantage of it to scare you and make you hug them.

─ No matter how much you fight, Luffy needs at least one hug daily and will wrap his rubber arms around you completely suffocating you, Zoro is not that fussy, but he will use you as a stuffed animal to hug during his naps.

─ Don't even think about seeking comfort from anyone other than them or at least part of the crew when you're scared, they are the only ones who can help you, understand, the others only want to use you and won't take care of you as well as they do.

─ Many failed escape attempts, either because you have been caught or because you were just sailing through waters infected with sea monsters, you always end up locked up overnight as punishment.

─ If necessary, they will knock you out so that you do not put yourself in danger, your sarcasm and sometimes bad temper can put you in dangerous situations and they are not going to go through that, they would have to kill someone again.

─ He was just passing by, your island was in a small fever pandemic and Law was just helping the whole town a little, however you seemed so out of it when you were sick, so lost and hurt, you reminded him of his sister.

─ He simply took you away to, supposedly, cure you since he had better equipment on the submarine, you couldn't even fight against this because seriously, it seems like you have one foot in the grave when you're sick.

─ He got rid of all your discomforts, but he also discovered that you were a big mouth, but hey, no one likes to be kidnapped so he got a good dose of irritating adolescence.

─ It was difficult to make you see reason that you would be much better off with him and that your island was potentially dangerous, it's not like you came to reason but he forced you to listen to him and collaborate with some threats.

─ He was quite surprised when one night you asked him to sleep with him because you saw a spider prowling around your room, even though you were a very sarcastic and sassy person, you were very scared and he used that as an advantage.

─ Do you want to get out of the submarine? It's okay, just hold his hand and you can go anywhere, do you want to go outside alone? No way, do you know about the insects, contagious diseases and monsters that can wait for you out there? Of course not, you're just a teenager.

─ He always makes excuses that something that terrifies you is hanging around the islands where you stop.

─ Maybe if you get too annoying or whiny about not being able to go out on your own, he'll let you go on your own for a bit… although it only gives you a false feeling of freedom since you always have one of the crew members watching you closely.

─ No teenage romance, he is not going through that time, if necessary he will show you the person you like dissected to scare you enough to think twice about trying to escape.

─ Consider all escape attempts a failure because Law has everything really calculated and the crew is too afraid at this point, they were the ones who had to clean the mutilated corpses of the people who were on the blacklist.

─ Because Law wrote down each of the people who have done something to you that he considers bad or harmful to you.

─ He has already lost a sister, he's not going to lose another even if you are not related to him by blood.

[cenorii]

Drunken theory about EYES

Let's get away from game conventions and the fact that Capcom could have trivially forgotten or left something out. I wrote this theory under temperature, so there is a certain level of absurdity present, especially since I dreamed it and that was the reason for writing it. I warned you!

Until there is an official explanation, this article is up to date.

What is this theory about? It's about both Wesker's eyes and PG67A/W. It's about why his eyes change color and what it depends on.

So, let's talk about PG67A/W first. It is not officially known when exactly this serum was created, but I believe it is definitely after 2003. That's when Wesker merged with Tricell, because the syringe has their brand label on it. He needs PG67A/W to «stabilize the force». But what is this «stabilization» really? We don't really know what happens to Wesker without the serum. The game says that he loses strength without it and so he needs the serum to stabilize his body, but I have a different opinion, which I'll tell you in a moment.

Between 1998 and 2003, Wesker is unable to use PG67A/W because it has not yet been invented. However, the powers he gained from the virus have not left him during these 5 years, he is far beyond a normal human. While fighting Sergei and his Ivans in 2003 (Umbrella Chronicles) he displayed his standard set of abilities. The only thing he lacked was speed, the same speed in re5.

We conclude that he only needs PG67A/W to have speed. It was speed and reaction that he «lost» when Chris and Sheva injected him with an overdose of PG67A/W in re5. However, the strength remained the same, thanks to it, he punched the rocket with Uroboros with his arm.

In fact, if you give him an extra dose of PG67A/W, he doesn't lose any of his abilities, including his speed. Wesker's body is only overloaded, which causes a severe headache as his body tries to cope with the strain. His powers then increase even more, causing them to become difficult to control. When Chris injected him with an extra dose again, his strength became not just difficult, but impossible to control, and he gave up speed altogether, because it was trivially useless.

--------------------------------------------

Now that we've dealt with how the serum works, let's talk about the abnormality of his eyes. Wesker's eye color is closely related to his ability status. I'll go into detail in a moment.

To make it easier to understand what I'm talking about, we need to trace the entire history of the change. In the fandom, it is commonly believed that his eyes were originally blue, and after the virus injection, they became permanently red-orange. But what if I told you that they change color all the time?

Re1 it's simple - blue. This is the very beginning of the story, so this color is taken as the standard color.

Then the Umbrella Chronicles plot happens, where his eyes changed color for the first time (in the timeline of the story).

The red glow is something similar to re5, however it momentarily goes out, returning his eyes to a blue color, but why? It's really unclear why they're still blue here if the game was released in 2007, long after Code Veronica (2000), in which his eyes were redesigned long ago.

Is the old color persisting not because of Capcoms inattention, but because of canonical processes in his body? The eyes can't instantly change their appearance and need time to fully mutate? We'll come back to that.

Ibid, in Umbrella Chronicles, his eyes are no longer blue in the official material.

Wesker then appears in Code Veronica and there his eyes have the familiar orange look for the first time (according to the games release chronology), like on official Umbrella Chronicles materials.

Given that the events here take place in 1998, like re1, one can really assume that Wesker needed some time to mutate fully.

In 2002, Wesker appears in Operation Javier (Darkside Chronicles, 2009), his eyes blue again.

In 2003, one of the storylines of Umbrella Chronicles and Prelude to the Fall, his eyes came back to design from Code Veronica.

In 2005, when re4 released his eyes are blue again. I could say that this was allowed by accident, when Wesker's model, from the re1 remake, Capcom simply forgot to change the eye color. But that theory is ruined by one small fact... the remake.

In the re4 remake, his eyes aren't orange either (actually they are orange, but human).

They're not blue, of course, but different from Code Veronica, suggesting that his eyes probably do lose their inhuman appearance over time, slowly turning into normal eyes. In Code Veronica, they're orange because Wesker is at the peak of his powers, but over time he weakens, his eyes change, and he needs PG67A/W to get things back to the way they were, only with bonuses like reaction and speed.

And by the way, in the concepts for re5 there's a shot where Wesker's eyes regain their blue color. If even at the stage of game development Capcom thought about this feature, when the developers already had several games where his eye color varied, then it can be considered a canonical feature. We take into account not only this concept, which was not included in the game, but also the eye from the remake of re4, which does not look like Code Veronica or re5 at all.

In standard form, after taking PG67A/W and\or at the peak of his powers, Wesker's eyes look like this. Essentially identical to Code Veronica, it just looks better due to the graphics.

My conclusion: the color of his eyes directly shows the state of strength. Weakened body - first the pupil changes, becoming round again, and then the color already changes, gradually «dimming» in approaching the original (blue) color. After taking the serum - red or orange color with a narrow pupil. The blue color could mean complete weakness, but judging by re4r, he doesn't drive himself to that extreme state, so it's unlikely Capcom will ever show such a thing again. The only time his mutated eyes have been blue canonically is Umbrella Chronicles, but there it's due (presumably) to the mutation not being completed yet, and also in Darkside Chronicles.

Yes, I actually had a dream that I was writing this theory, but I had to do some brainstorming to turn it into something readable, as well as gather material. Don't take it too seriously.

[cumaeansibyl]

okay this is my biggest conspiracy theory except it's not really a Conspiracy Theory because I am not actually positing a shadowy prime mover who planned the whole thing from the start. that always ends up in wildly antisemitic places where I do not go, and also I don't think anyone in history has had their shit together enough to mastermind Schemes of this type. my theories are always more like "this happened serendipitously and at some point maybe someone noticed and took advantage but there's certainly no central figure in charge."

so we start with the normalization of overwork in our society, since roughly forever. in modern times this led to abuse of medical and recreational stimulants -- everyone was on speed in the 50s and coke in the 80s -- but we all kind of figured out that was a bad idea, for the most part. what we still had after the white powder settled, though, was caffeine. totally legal, totally normalized.

but people were still overworked, and they also still wanted to have energy after work, to do fun things with the little free time left to them.

enter energy drinks.

unlike coffee, which still has the feeling of a daytime beverage and also to some extent a workplace beverage, energy drinks are an anytime food! you can even get them in mixed drinks for a night out. they're for work AND play. they come in a wide range of dose strengths, including a shooter for when you're in really dire straits. after all, taking caffeine pills feels like "pill-popping," but having a little beverage is fine, right?

at the same time, there is increasing interest in remedies for a variety of unspecific ailments caused by "toxins," the new buzzword in a very old industry of patent nostrums and dubious cure-alls. the theory is that some sort of unspecified substance has entered your body, and in order to feel well again you need to detox and cleanse -- which in practice involves a lot of induced defecation. And this is supposed to be good for feelings of fatigue, muscle soreness, anxiety, stomach upset, and difficulty sleeping.

See where I'm going with this?

The "toxins" that make you feel terrible all the time are caffeine. Not heavy metals, or refined sugar, or vaccines, or yeast. It's just fucking caffeine.

Well, caffeine and chronic overwork/sleep deprivation, which is not entirely a direct result of the caffeine but is certainly enabled/exacerbated by it. Everyone is working too much and taking stimulants to get through the day and in fact experiencing mild overdose symptoms on a fairly regular basis (irritable? jittery? that's caffeine toxicity) and it's no wonder we all feel like shit.

And then! When you come home from your day of pushing your mind and body too hard! It is ALSO normalized to take downers to level out! Alcohol is also a toxin, and it takes a lot less of it to start doing systemic damage than most people realize. When you wake up in the morning feeling foggy and achy, it may not be enough to register as a proper hangover, but it's almost certainly the combined effect of alcohol and caffeine withdrawal. Both mild! Both nearly harmless and easily recovered from! If you're not doing it on a regular basis and if you're getting enough rest, which you're not, as we previously established.

It's the chronicity that's the issue, the neverending grind of it all. You can't recover from chronic sleep deprivation or overwork with an extra few hours of rest on the weekends. You can't recover from long-term chemical dependence with a 24-hour tolerance break. If you're a wage earner in late-stage capitalism your options for reversing the damage are pretty limited and they all look like deprivation: prioritizing an unbroken 8-9 hours of sleep per night may well mean giving up most if not all of your social life and leisure activities. Fuck that.

And to be clear, I don't consider choosing to stay out late with a vodka Red Bull to be a personal failure of any kind, just like I don't think poor people should never buy themselves anything nice. If work keeps trying to take more and more of your time, you gotta carve out time for yourself somewhere. But... y'all know me. I want people to know the risks.

I think a lot of people don't realize that their bodies are under this much strain. They don't know that we are better suited for a 4-6 hour work day, that 6-7 hours of sleep is genuinely not enough for most people, that as little as 2 cups of coffee might be enough to put them over the recommended maximum caffeine intake. They don't know that they're drinking enough alcohol to cause health problems.

If you know and you decide to do it anyway that's fine, it's your right. I do inadvisable shit all the time. But people don't know, they're not being told, because they can't be allowed to question the material conditions they're being forced to endure -- and then they're being sold a bunch of useless or even harmful bullshit to "cure" the inevitable consequences of those conditions.

[schizosupport]

hey, can i ask some advice? if u dont have any its fine!

i just got diagnosed and im getting on meds soon, and like, logically i know its good cause when im at my worst i am bad and i dont want to keep living life like that, but im terrified of medication like, any kind. the stuff im already on for like, chronic illness stuff was enough of a struggle but anti psychotics terrify me.

so basically, do u have any advice for someone getting on medication for the first time? i dont know anyone like me (schizophrenic style) and so i dont rlly have anyone to ask for advice

feel free to not answer if u dont want to, and thank u for ur time!!

Hey there anon!

My advice about antipsychotics, as well as any other psychiatric medication, is to give it a try with an open mind. Your mind should be open towards the possibility that this is helpful as well as the possibility that it's harmful. The most likely experience is that there will be things that suck about being on medication, and things that are easier on medication. And you need to be prepared to make a cost benefit analysis about what's right for you.

Another thing to keep in mind is "what kind and what dose". I often see people being put on a quite high dose right off the bat, because the psych has an idea that that's the "right dosis for psychosis". But actually people are very individual, and sometimes much less will do it.

I'm currently on the irriest bittiest baby dose of risperidone. When I was initially put on that 8-9 years ago, they soon gave me a dose that was much too high for me, and as a result I changed to another med (abilify) which was honestly way less compatible with me, but more tolerable at a higher dose.

So ... Doctors often don't like when you want to be informed and use Google to look into meds and stuff like that. But I cannot recommend it enough to look up the standard doses of the medication you get described, and see where your dose falls. If the med isn't having the desired effect, your psych might continue to increase the dose. It's good to know when enough is enough. Don't look up the side effects, but do keep a little list/diary about emerging physical or mental symptoms. And have someone else crosscheck that with the side effects at a point.

Some psychs will prescribe more than one antipsychotic to the same person long term. This is generally not recommended, so especially as an initial move, that would be a red flag to me. Same can be said for starting you out on a high dose, when it sounds like you aren't currently in a psychotic episode. If the med is intended as a longer-term stabilizer and not a way to shut down a psychotic episode, it shouldn't be at too high a dose. For many reasons, up to and including, you want to leave room to increase the dose if you do have a major psychotic episode and need extra help coming out of it.

With all those precautions made I also wanna say that antipsychotics CAN be a good and helpful tool. For me they help me sleep and they take the edge off in a way that nothing else really does. They increase my coherence and they give me a thicker skin to deal with the difficulties of life. In that way they make me stronger.

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Hive, Pt. 8

From Sheppard comforting Ford who is suffering through enzyme withdrawal we move directly to McKay suffering the same on Atlantis, and for some reason they are paralleling Ford and McKay extra hard here. Likely we are to learn something about McKay by observing Ford, just like Ford as narrative mirror for McKay during The Siege (S02E01) gave us insight into what was going on with McKay internally. Here, however, they seem to be suffering precisely the same and where McKay had done this to himself for Sheppard, it is Ford that gets to be comforted by him. But like Ford, McKay seems to have a lot of issues to work through, and these issues are coming out full force now that he is awake in spite of Beckett having sedated him earlier.

McKay: Don't just stand there, get me more enzyme! Beckett: We don't have any.

McKay is sweating profusely, twisting and turning his body on the bed where he is restrained. Ford and McKay both seem to be jonesing for the enzyme badly, only McKay's condition is more severe because he had taken a massive dose where Ford had been trying to make what little he had left last. With the enzyme leaving their systems, getting their hands on some more of it seems to be the only thing they can focus on, their only desire to get another hit. What Sheppard told Ford on the hive just now is interesting given how McKay and Ford are paralleled:

Sheppard: How are you holding up, Lieutenant? Ford: OK. I just need to get my hands on some more enzyme. Then I'll be able to get us out of here. Sheppard: We'll do it together. With or without the enzyme, we're a team, remember? Ford: I remember.

Where Ford tells Sheppard that he will get them out of there just as soon as he can get his hands on some of the enzyme because he still feels the need to prove himself to his former commander, McKay's reason for taking the enzyme had been to get Sheppard (and the others) out of the trouble they are in. But their motivations seem to be inverse of each other: what Ford really wants is the enzyme whereas while McKay is demanding to get more enzyme, what he really wants is to free Sheppard. For McKay the enzyme was a means to an end, to Ford it is an end in itself. He is happy as long as he has the enzyme, McKay will be happy only when he has Sheppard.

Let us also remember that Sheppard had talked about having McKay on his away-team when he had been on the enzyme, and he had talked Ford into letting McKay get off of the stuff right after, so McKay and Sheppard were also a team "with or without the enzyme." Up until the moment that Ford had separated them, they were doing it together. And more importantly, when McKay was dialing home from Ford's planet, we noted that even when they are not physically in each other's presence, McKay and Sheppard are still together. They are with each other even when they are not because they keep a mental image of the other man with them to give comfort, to give advice, to steer them right. But while Ford may claim to remember what it was like when they were a team, McKay has a difficult time remembering anything right now.

As mentioned, McKay is very obviously jonesing for the enzyme here. The verb is traditionally connected with that synthetic opiate often administered intravenously. Because it is highly addictive, when people are craving for a new hit they are known to say anything to get their hands on some more of it, the pain and discomfort so horrible that they are willing to do very nearly anything to make it go away. It is something of a cliché for example for straight men to offer to suck dick for a hit, their craving for the drug overriding all other considerations. Offering to do anything to get a hit is about finding out what the person dealing the drug wants, not about bargaining with one's own boundaries. Anything means anything.

And so, as we watch McKay here, it is important to keep track of the fact that he is not in his right mind. He is saying things that his drug-addled mind thinks might score him a hit of the enzyme, and the truth-value of the things he says here is more than a little suspect. But what he says is interesting regardless, because while it may not give us access to McKay without a filter (the enzyme is not a truth serum, and in fact in making the person craving it say anything to get a new hit, it is pretty much the opposite of a truth serum), it does give us a view of his character in true desperation, it shows us his unrestrained id when the superego is completely removed from the picture.

McKay: It's the cave, Ford's cave. He's got a, a whole cabinet of it. There's, there's dozens of vials. Beckett: Do you know the address? McKay: No... Beckett: I'm sorry, Rodney.

McKay is sweating, he is shaking, he has the jitters. He has obvious trouble getting words out, his mouth seeming to move much too slowly for his brain that is clearly spiraling. McKay has one desire and all of his cognitive faculties have now been employed in finding a solution to his problem: where to get more enzyme. He also seems to realize that attempting to clean his system of the enzyme "cold turkey" is a bad idea, and an incremental withdrawal would be better. At the same time, he seems to have developed an acute case of the paranoia we have seen Ford suffer from ever since he started taking the enzyme. This paranoia is why McKay seems convinced that Beckett has to be hiding some of the enzyme, has to be keeping it from him on purpose. We can see clear as day how much Beckett cares about McKay, but McKay himself is currently not able to see it, instead feeling like he is purposefully being tortured.

McKay: You don't have to scream at me! Beckett: I'm not screaming. McKay: This is fun for you, isn't it, watching me like this? Beckett: I assure you, it's not. McKay: What is this, payback? You're jealous, huh?

A few things to note: first, McKay screams at Beckett to stop screaming at him. He is, that is, accusing Beckett of doing something that he is doing himself, he is obviously projecting. It also indicates that his senses are over-sensitive, and probably not just his hearing either. Likely his eyes are sensitive to light as witnessed by their redness, the fabrics feel coarse and itchy on his skin, even the smells may be overwhelming to him. There is a sensory overload and even though Beckett is very calm and soothing in the way that he communicates with McKay, it is possible McKay genuinely cannot bear the volume of his voice here. But at the same time, it tells us something about his current condition that he essentially accuses Beckett of what he was doing himself. There is something that he does not like about himself and cannot stand at the moment (talking too loud), so he full on projects it on Beckett. And then McKay switches to accusations.

He had tried begging and pleading to get more enzyme, and it did not work. And now he tries guilting Beckett into giving him some enzyme instead, tries to make Beckett feel so bad for him that he might give in. He is trying strategies that a two-year-old child might use when they really, really want something from a parent. Guilt-tripping is an indirect form of communication that uses shaming or blaming someone with the purpose of convincing them to comply with a request. McKay accuses Beckett of enjoying seeing him suffer, which is naturally untrue, but if he can make Beckett feel bad for him, then he is that much more likely to want to make him feel better, which would lead him into giving him some more enzyme. And it isn't that McKay is doing this consciously, his brain is just cycling through different strategies and seeing if anything sticks. He is literally trying everything he can think of to score a hit.

McKay: You're jealous of how vital I am to this mission--vital, vital--jealous of how I get to go off-world and, and you get stuck in this stupid, pathetic excuse for a hospital. Beckett: You know that's not true.

Again while this is his brain's attempt at finding anything that might make Beckett give him some enzyme, what McKay says here is illuminating. The thing is, we have actually seen Beckett on many missions with the team, many more missions than he has strictly wanted to participate in. In Poisoning the Well (S01E07), McKay and Sheppard were joking about how Beckett is like Dr. McCoy from Star Trek in that he does not enjoy the de-materialization re-materialization process of going through the wormhole. Beckett is comfortable in his hospital, able to do research he would not be able to conduct on Earth, and will only go on the field under duress when it is needed. But he certainly does not seem to enjoy it, and he does not appear to harbour any jealousy toward McKay, at least when it comes to that. And McKay has been on enough missions with Beckett to know this to be true, and in both Instinct (S02E07) and Conversion (S02E08) we saw McKay protect Beckett on the field because he has that much more field experience, and he recognizes Beckett's worth and value to the mission just like everyone else.

They are both vital, vital to the mission, this much is true--but we have seen previously that McKay does not actually believe that about himself. After the events of Trinity (S02E06), Weir had to remind McKay that by placing himself in danger he was endangering everyone else on the mission because they rely on him for so many things. But because McKay has such poor self-esteem, he does not see it like that. He believes that he is expendable, especially when it comes to Sheppard. We have seen him willing to sacrifice his life on many occasions, seeming to feel that if his life can buy other people their survival, it is well-spent. So what McKay is saying to Beckett here is counterfactual. Now, because people frequently interpret McKay's poor self-esteem and the psychological defense mechanisms he has developed as result of his abusive childhood environment as arrogance, it is easy to interpret this as the truth coming out, as McKay spitting out "what he really thinks" here when that is almost the opposite of the truth. While this is something that McKay would not say to Beckett if he was in his right mind, the fact that he says it here when not in full control of his faculties does not make it true.

McKay thinks that Beckett is vital to the mission, and given that Sheppard had recently spent several weeks convalescing from almost dying, McKay appreciates this pathetic excuse for a hospital very much. He had even been willing to elevate medicine into a real science because Beckett was so good at what he does. Likely McKay had spent more than a little time in the sickbay himself while Sheppard was bed-ridden, working by his bed-side if Aurora (S02E09) is anything to go by, given the attitude he was giving Beckett for not having allowed him to stay with Sheppard when he was turning into a bug.

And furthermore, it is McKay who is jealous of Beckett. We have seen him jealous of Beckett from the very first episode (Rising, S01E01), where McKay was trying to guide Beckett in using his gene to activate Ancient technology, and we were told that McKay had had himself tested for the gene multiple times because that is how badly he wished he had the gene like Beckett. McKay may now have the artificial gene but Beckett, like Sheppard, has the authentic one, the genuine article. Beckett is also well-liked by everyone and what is more, Beckett, while being a straight man, is confident enough in his masculinity as to be soft and caring, is secure enough that he does not mind if people see him as effeminate. There are many things in Beckett that McKay is jealous of but that is not what this is about. He is not sharing his thoughts on his best friend Carson Beckett here, he is trying to goad him into giving him more enzyme. To wit:

McKay: Jealous I get all the women and you don't! Beckett: Excuse me? McKay: Please, just give me a little enzyme, just enough to take the edge off. I'm dying here. Beckett: I told you, we don't have any.

Now, this exchange is hilarious. Tragic, but hilarious. For one, McKay is continuing goading and guilt-tripping Beckett. On the face of it, we might interpret this as McKay expressing wishful thinking--he is jealous of Beckett getting "all the women" and hence flips it around to taunt Beckett with how he is the one to get all the women. Certainly people interpret McKay as thinking this about Sheppard: Sheppard gets all the women and McKay is mighty jealous over it. Only. Well. McKay is not actually saying that he wants any women here. He is saying that him getting all the women makes Beckett jealous of him and hence to want to watch him suffer, is the reason he refuses to give him the enzyme that he is hiding from him.

And looking back at Duet (S02E04), where McKay had found Beckett crashing his dinner date with a woman who had invited him on the date that he did not want to attend, had desperately been trying to get out of and had been blackmailed into making an appearance on (having dressed himself in several protective layers of clothes, to boot), we might see how McKay could come to this conclusion. In fact, we have watched McKay turn down several women that have expressed interest in him. He may not get all the women but he gets women, he just obviously does not want them. In fact, whether or not Beckett and Cadman ever got closer as the result of the events of the episode (and we get a mention of them having an upcoming date in the following episode), McKay very much rejected the woman that seemed to be interested in Beckett. McKay rejected Cadman so hard it came out borderline misogynistic. McKay has all the women he could ever need, and he could actually do with less of them.

And the thing is, Beckett knows this. Beckett seems to know what his best friend is about. He was confused as all heck by his best friend asking him to third-wheel a date with him and a woman, and was bewildered by seeing him kiss this woman in front of him until he found out that it had been Cadman. Because as far as he understands it, McKay is as gay as the day is long. And we see the same reaction from him here. McKay tells him that he gets all the women and Beckett's reaction is "Excuse me?" McKay has been talking all kinds of crazy and this was clearly the craziest thing he has said so far, and it actually makes Beckett lose his composure for a moment. He did not expect McKay to say something like that.

It is also extremely telling that Beckett then looks over his shoulder to see if anyone overheard McKay. A straight man boasting his proficiency in getting women does not warrant him looking over his shoulder to make sure that they are not being overheard by the wrong people. And what is even more curious is the wide-shot we get here of the two nurses listening in on them around the corner. They exchange a look. Their reaction is a clear "What the fuck?" here. What ever they may or may not think about McKay, it is clear that him getting all the women is not something they associate with him.

And again, the mainstream audience will interpret this in light of McKay having no "game." Like the nurses are amused by McKay thinking he is God's gift to women when they believe the opposite, they would never want McKay and probably more than one of them has a crush on Beckett, the dashing doctor. Only, earlier it was McKay that we saw turning his face away from the nurse by his bed. Obviously the nurses do not think that this screaming, sweating man is hot but many women find McKay cute on the general level. Irritating and abrasive, to be sure, but these nurses would be so lucky if he even noticed that they exist, if he ever remembered any one of their names. Many women find McKay attractive. He could get women. He does not want women, is the thing. He can barely remember the names of the women working in his own science team, and there are some exceptionally beautiful and brilliant women on Atlantis. He just does not care.

And again, this is not McKay re-iterating his sexual preferences here, this is him goading Beckett into giving him more enzyme. And given that McKay starts crying and begging just afterward, this is essentially his "I'll suck your dick, man" moment, an example of him saying anything at all that might score him some enzyme from Beckett. And even he realizes that he was making no goddamn sense here and hence had to change tactics again. He will show Beckett how miserable he is and he has to give in. And the thing is, McKay saying this is not the significant part. The reactions from the others are what is really telling here. Not one of the people in that room think that McKay is interested in women, including McKay himself. Whether Beckett is jealous of McKay getting all the women, on the other hand, is a different question, and not really relevant here.

McKay: You think I don't know you're lying? Beckett: I'm not lying. McKay: You are. You think I don't think you are but you are. And don't think I won't forget it... Beckett: What? McKay: I don't know! Just kill me.

Here McKay is projecting again. Yes, he does think that Beckett is lying to him and hiding the enzyme from him. But at the same time, McKay is the one who is a perpetual liar. He may have good reasons for lying but he lies nonetheless. And here, he is speaking to himself more than he is speaking to Beckett. We have not seen Beckett lie, not once, and he seems like an exceptionally trusty fellow as it is. McKay, on the other hand, we have seen lie multiple times and we have seen him lie so well that he has fooled the audience more than once.

Also relevant here is the fact that he seems to be talking absolute nonsense here. What he says does not make any sense grammatically and Beckett has to even stop for a moment to parse together what McKay may have been trying to say. There are so many double-negatives in what he says that Beckett is confused. Does McKay think that he is lying? Is McKay going to forget it? All of this just emphasizes how McKay is both making no sense and saying things that are untrue. He literally tells us that he does not know what he is saying. And to top it all off, he asks Beckett to kill him and this too is something that he might feel right in this moment but is not actually something he feels normally, is not something that he actually wants Beckett to do. It is not something he wants but here he is saying it anyway because his only concern is getting some more enzyme.

Beckett: I wish I... It'll pass. McKay: Don't shout! I am right here. Beckett: Perhaps we should move him to a more secluded area. McKay: What, so you can kill me in private? Stab another knife in my back, huh? Beckett: Rodney, no-one is trying to kill you.

Beckett suggests that they move McKay to a more secluded area and the obvious interpretation is because he is making such a ruckus. He is making a lot of noise and hence disturbing all the other patients of whom we do not see any. Fine. It might also just be because McKay is saying things that might offend people, might make their ears burn, just are not for general consumption. Beckett might be concerned for McKay's privacy in the sense that he knows that McKay is not being himself here, is acting out because of the enzyme, and McKay may feel mortified later over strangers having seen him behave this way. But there is also the possibility that Beckett is genuinely concerned that McKay is going to say something that is going to get him in trouble, and worse yet, that might get Sheppard in trouble with the military.

As noted before, suspicion was enough for a dishonorable discharge under DADT. It seems clear here that McKay has no control over what he is saying, is saying all kinds of things he would not normally say, and hence Beckett may feel that it is better if he gets to say all these things where people cannot overhear him. We actually hear Beckett raise his voice when he intends for the nurses to overhear him, trying to explain to them why he thinks it is better to remove McKay to a more secluded area. He is trying to make it seem like a perfectly ordinary, normal thing to do, for McKay's own benefit just as much as everyone else's. He is protective of McKay. And what's more, it seems like McKay himself has no idea why Beckett wants to remove him from genpop here. This is not normal procedure, Beckett clearly has some reason for making the decision.

And this probably does not even need saying but Beckett's "I wish I..." is not in response to McKay having just asked to be killed. He is not saying "I wish I could kill you," because while he is frustrated and worried, as there is very little he can do to make his best friend feel better while he suffers through an ordeal that may yet claim his life, wishing McKay died is not even on the ambit of what Beckett is thinking here. As McKay whines and begs to be let out of his misery, Beckett looks away and breathes out something as McKay's friend and not as his doctor. Likely he meant "I wish there was something I could do" or "I wish I knew how to help you." But this was something that he was not saying to McKay, it was Beckett airing his frustration over the situation.

Further, McKay mentions another knife that he thinks Beckett wants to stab in his back. What was the first knife? The immediate answer is the enzyme, McKay thinks that Beckett is keeping the enzyme from him on purpose and that is the proverbial knife in his back. Only, that does not really constitute a betrayal so much as willful malice. How does McKay feel like Beckett has betrayed him? Keeping him in the dark about Sheppard's condition in Conversion? Scheming with Cadman to get him to kiss people he had no desire to kiss? Not putting in the effort in testing the command chair for flying the jumper into the hive remotely? There are many possible explanations for why McKay might feel like Beckett has stabbed a knife in his back that is still lodged in there, and while it is not something he actively thinks about, some part of him is hurt by something Beckett has done in the past.

McKay: You have no idea of the agony I'm going through. Beckett: Oh, I have an inkling.

This is interesting too. What is Beckett actually saying here? He is saying that he knows what McKay is going through. But how? How could he possibly know? It is doubtful that Beckett has had any substance abuse issues of his own in the past, at least not in this severity. And even if he had treated patients going through withdrawals previously, that does not really give him any experience of what the patients had been going through. Is he saying that having to witness McKay suffer is tortuous to him? Yes, having to watch and listen to someone whine, cry, scream etc. their way through a withdrawal might be mighty taxing, but comparing having to witness it to actually going through it seems callous, and given that Beckett really seems to care about McKay that also seems unlikely. He is trying to communicate his empathy to McKay, he is trying to let him know that he is there and he cares about what his friend is going through. And that again raises the question of that partial telepathy of the Ancients.

If Beckett is being serious here, if he actually is able to feel some of what McKay is feeling, if he actually has an inkling of what McKay is going through, it may be due to Beckett using that latent psychic ability to empathize with his patients that he may have been unwittingly using his whole life, that may even be the reason he decided to become a doctor in the first place, to alleviate the suffering of the people around him because on some level that he does not understand, he can feel it. He can feel the pain and the suffering his patients are in. It could be that where Sheppard has used his latent Ancient ability to influence and charm people, Beckett has used his to empathize with his patients. And the difference is, before he had met Sheppard, before he had devised the gene therapy that could give the Ancient gene to others, he had never been around other people with the gene, with the same abilities as him. The connection he would have to people not sharing the gene with him might not have been as acute, so treating Sheppard, McKay and the other people with the gene might just be hitting him different.

And McKay, well. He may be using the weak version of the same ability that Sheppard and Beckett have for lying. Because he lies very, very well.

Continued in Pt. 9

[ourloveiselectrifying]

Hello hello! It's me DFP

I'm wondering where you learned/are you learning to Code? I find the structure of your game quite entertaining and I like to take a little inspiration from it (If I'm allowed)

And I tried to make images that are options but apparently I'm still a long way from leaving the beta of my projects So I wanted to seek advice from you

(Also, if this is not the correct account to ask this I apologize, but if you have some very good advice that can help me please feel free to go to my DMs)

Hello DFP! :3 (I'm not exactly sure what you mean by structure sorry, but probably yes haha) 

I didn't learn coding. In fact, the scariest part of my game is the code itself! I would like to take classes in art and coding someday! It's just not a great time in my country to be spending money atm ahahahaha- (cries in national housing and inflation crisis)

If you're using Renpy to make a VN, smart people would recommend giving the Renpy and Python's offcal guides a good look and watching Renpy tutorials on youtube.

For me, I'm the kinda person that only takes in information by dissecting and breaking things, then learning from the mistakes. I looked at the front page of the Python pdf, and it made my ADHD repossess my body despite being on the max dose of ritalin. I immediately closed it then skimmed through the Renpy quickstart, not really taking in any of the information, jumped right into designing the main menu, minced up the code, caught a bunch of errors, and had to check out fourms for fixes.

Have some random tips that may or may not be helpful since I don't know your skill level and I, am infact, not skilled in Renpy, I have no idea what I'm doing half the time! :3

Make new files for everything, don't just put it all in the script or it's going to get ridiculous.

Scripts get LONG use # and add notes, so you can CTRL + F and find stuff easily.

If you're like me, check out renpy's reddit/lemma soft fourms, if you're not getting good goog search results, it might be the words you're using, I had this issue a lot, try changing up words in your question (options/preferences/choices/decisions)

When you're learning copy and paste the code/answer, once you know the the code and can type it out fast, then starting manually typing it out.

Always check the dates on posts, there's a bunch of old renpy guides/fourms that don't work anymore.

There is more than one way to skin a dingo (sorry kevin), if you've found a fix that seems ridiculous but it's working, keep it!

If you have anger problems prepare to get fuckin' pissed off! Before you start coding have a coffee/bottle of water/energy drink beside you, so you have to walk away to take angry piss breaks and can clear your head.

If you absolutely cannot figure something out, make a copy, put it aside and work on something else until you're a little more skilled.

I have three copies of olie, the one that works, the one that I'm experimenting on, and the one on a USB I copy when I get drunk and forget which is my "fuck around" code and which is my "don't touch it, it works" code and I annihilate my game. Make regular backups to your USB for any emergencies, houses burn down. Limit your drinking while coding.

Compare code to the game base if you're coming up with errors. Goog the exact error that pops up when the game crashes. (renpy expected statement)

Click the blue text and it'll take you to it. Sometimes it's not very accurate and you need to look a little above or below the line the error happened. 70% of the time your error is a missing space or "," or an extra space!

I also recommend checking out all the shortcuts on your code editing software (I'm using visual studio code!) I was manually adding indents to each line, which was wasting an insane amount of time LMAO ;w; 

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by images that are options, but I'm guessing an imagebutton? If you search "renpy imagebutton" there's a few forums and tutorials that will guide you but it's like this.

You need a screen for your buttons, an image, if you're feeling funky add transforms to the button, else just use a different image for idle/hover!

Add the anchor before you do xpos/ypos because it messes around with the positions and you'll have to re-adjust the xpos/ypos again. You need anchor for the transitions to work properly.

If you want the button to make a sound on click add activate_sound or remove it if you don't want one, it's optional.

This is how you make the transform, you can do a TON of different transforms. This is a simple idle/hover transform. ease is the animation type/speed, alpha is transparency, 1.0 is fully visible, 0.0 is transparent, at 0.5 on idle, it has a dimmed effect. the zoom makes it bigger. Make a new file for this one!

Buttons have a TON of actions to choose from, this is a time I actually would checkout renpy's offical guides. This one does the same as a jump at the end of a label or choice.

If you want your game to not pause when your buttons are visible, just use "show screen nameofthescreenhere zorder 20" (zorder is the layers, 20 is like usually the top, you can go higher though)

If you want your game to pause while the screen is up, use call screen instead of show!

I probably won't do too many of these coding/renpy support things on my tumblr but, OLIE'S discord server has a few game dev channels for coding support if you'd want to join there! :3

I wish you well and goodluck on your game!!! 💖🫡🍀

[good-beans]

You talked a little while ago about why you don't think Shidou would make a good father to Amane (agreed) and proposed the idea of Mahiru adopting Amane. That's cute but I want to tell you about my post-MILGRAM headcanon:

Amane joins the Kajiyamas

Not Fuuta specifically adopting her, but like him taking her back to his family's house. I'm sure they'd have a spare room

I think people don't think about Fuuta's homelife much, or if they do they take Fuuta's one interrogation question where he calls his dad an old fogey and assume its like, abusive

And don't get me wrong, I don't think the Kajiyama household are perfect. Fuuta' beautician sister surely hasn't helped when it comes to Fuuta's body image issues and I'm betting they're all a bunch of tsunderes too embarrassed to say they love each other

But in a series where most of the abused characters are still convinced their abuser loved them/acted out of love. Seeing a guy not be afraid to call his dad a loser is almost a green flag

I think it'd be good for Amane to not necessarily be adopted as the lone child to a single parent but get to be introduced to a very different style of family unit from her own One where its normal to express different opinions or disagreements or even have arguments and not have it be the end of the world

Amane already has a snarky side to her, I bet it'd flourish in a brash household like the Kajiyama's (or at least how I imagine them to be)

OOHHH wait I love that so much! >:O

I agree -- I never interpreted Fuuta's family as abusive or harmful, just not super close and struggling a bit after his mother left. (And yeah, all as openly emotional as him😭) They seem stable and very capable to taking in a extra, very well-behaved child. Assuming Fuuta is the way he is because of them, that atmosphere of being very honest and forward would work well for her. They say things as they are, little by little pointing out the harmful parts of her worldview. Like you said, none of them make excuses about harmful behavior stemming from love, so she'd get a really healthy dose of truth in that area. She never feels coddled or treated like a baby. They care for her while treating her very maturely.

I absolutely love how well she and Fuuta get along, with that snarky side to her that you mentioned. It would allow her to fit in well in the new household, getting the sense of belonging she'll lose after leaving the cult. Also, seeing how Fuuta and his sister let things slip and aren't perfect sons/daughters, she'll be able to relax about earning a parent's love through perfect behavior. She'll probably stay exactly the same, but her stress about it will fade <3

I doubt Fuuta's father can ever replace the hole she'll have from her own father, but the addition of an older sister will be huge. Amane will never get the feeling her mother is being replaced, but the woman will still fill the gap of the older, same-gender role model she needs. Her beautician job may throw Amane at first (being an indulgence in vanity), but it isn't as in-your-face as other careers. I think she could definitely ease Amane into accepting it, and over time, accepting her own personal "indulgence."

Plus, her moving in would also be really good for Fuuta! I think he'd recognize there's a ton of fun things she missed out on, and that heroic side of him outweighs the part that cringes: he gripes and groans about going to "kid places," but he's always the one to announce "I can't believe you've never been to __, we're going right now!!" This allows him to touch grass leave the house and experience his own life to the fullest. He's able to channel his desire to help society into a healthier outlet. Also, seeing her studying habits and plans for the future might even inspire him to do the same. (might.) He becomes the stereotypical good big brother, though of course he denies it viciously...

I have recently been going insane over their friendship so I'm completely taken with this idea OUGH thank you for telling me ;-----;

[stellewriites]

Stelle, I just had to crawl into your inbox with thots™️ about butch!Simon. Hope you enjoy✨️ and please feel free to add on!

•Has a carabiner with a Lego skeleton keychain on it. Got it as a gag gift from Soap one year and has cherished it ever since (will never admit this).

•Has a small crush on Laswell and Farah (I don't blame him one bit. He will also never admit this.).

•Whenever the team goes out, they find themselves gobsmacked by how many women immediately beeline to him.

•Takes a low dose of T, mainly for the muscle growth and deeper voice. The extra body hair and bottom growth is simply a bonus✨️

•Decided on using he/him pronouns on a whim. People initially saw his hulking figure and immediately gendered him as male. Simon simply didn't care enough to say otherwise.

•Still feels a connection and appreciation towards womanhood and femininity, mainly in other people. Likes it when Soap paints his nails jet black. Likes the rare times Gaz will wear makeup. Likes to occasionally wear dresses and skirts (usually billowing, black frocks that conceal his figure rather than anything form-fitting).

birdy…. i loved every damn one of these. you opened a can of worms here lmaooo i love butch!si, not all of this will be canon for my fic but it might help me shape how he acts in it

• i’ve literally seen some art of carabiners and your lego skeleton idea really reminds me of it, lemme find it to post after this bc OMG !!!

• he can’t help but go a little weak kneed for a headstrong, no-bullshit woman,, having farah or laswell barking orders in his ear has had him swallowing roughly on the field one too many times before getting his head in the game. he’s glad his emotions can’t be read like a book like his sgt or he’d never hear the end of it from either women

• the jangle of his carabiner is like a mating call in the pub and it gets heads turning. interested faces peeking up from their tables like meerkats, eager at the pure bulk and size of simon as he makes his way to the booth the others are already occupying. price sucks his teeth when the pretty bird he had his eye on smiles and flutters her lashes at si flirtatiously not five minutes after he sat down

• i loooove the idea of simon being tall and beefy but having a surprisingly soft voice still, deceptively sweet if not for the rough accent and barking laugh. maybe it’s gotten a little gravel to it after years of smoking and maybe it started to change when he went on t - but he doesn’t actively deepen it, doesn’t feel the need to.

he loves seeing his progress in the gym since starting it, likes petting at his extra body hair as it grows in, hates the fact that his skin has gotten oilier though and reluctantly asks gaz for some skincare advice, and yeah… the bottom growth has him hissing on his sensitive days but he’s never had a gentle hand, never been patient with himself so he bites his cheek through it as he rubs one out.

• very much that scene from aliens between vasquez and hudson; “hey ghost, have you ever been mistaken for a man looking like that?” “no, have you?”

the pronouns are his as a fuck you but also yeah… they feel right

• omg that’s so cuuute!!

i’d say my vers of butch!si doesn’t wear dresses etc,, but he’d let reader paint his nails whatever colour they liked, could practice make up looks on him, if reader has wigs then he’d be happy to try them on so reader could see the length and style off of a mannequin. but it’s not necessarily for him, he knows he’s a woman, he knows he has femininity - he just doesn’t express it the same way as others might

[autisticaboutstufflol]

Accidental Adoptions Vinsmoke Headcanons

So Chapter 7 of Accidental Adoptions is out, and I promised Vinsmoke information! This AU for all who don't know, is Cora deciding that getting Law and the brand new baby that just got adopted into the DQ Pirates out of there is priority #1. Shenanigans occur, and now he's somehow ended up with not only Law and Dellinger, but all the Vinsmoke Siblings. Onto the headcanons!!

All Vinsmoke Siblings

They're all autistic

Are very co-dependant on each other

Distrustful of hospital environments

Reiju - 8 years old - She/Her

The second most durable out of the siblings, strong exoskeleton

Has her 'Poison Pink' abilities [Can produce poison, is immune to doses of poison that would otherwise kill regular people]

Has somewhat canon typical 'has to obey Judge's commands' modification built in [If she hears Judge's voice telling her to do something, she has to obey]

Heals the second quickest

Enjoys gardening

Helping Law out with removing the Amber Lead from his system

Ichiji - 6 years old - He/Him

Has implants in his eyes and hands to allow him to channel his red energy blasts easier

Can see further/see more detail + in fun visions [x-ray, night vision, can see shrimp colours ect.] because of these eye implants

Can't cry any more because of said implants

Least emotional due to experimentation, but is still far ahead of his canon version in terms of emotions

Likes navigation, and has essentially declared himself default captain/navigator on the ship

Niji - 6 years old - He/Him

Heals the quickest due to a combination of experimentation and a strong exoskeleton

Has super speed, which connects into the electricity powers [electricity goes fast]

Electricity powers [Can produce electric blasts from his hands, did not need implants like Ichiji because his exoskeleton was stronger]

Speaks really quickly because of his speed, sometimes forgets that not everyone processes the world like he does

Also has insane hearing

Has gotten very good at sewing because he's basically so quick he's a sewing machine. Also enjoys drawing

Sanji - 6 years old - He/Him (for now)

Most emotional out of his siblings

Has a weak exoskeleton- He's still far stronger than any normal child, but doesn't have the same invulnerability his siblings do

Does have some minor invisibility modifications [can only make parts of himself invisible if he strains himself or if he's stressed, will go full invisible if he's terrified ect.]

Everyone thinks he's got a secret extra genetic modification to talk to animals because he just makes friends with small animals constantly [He has four pet rats, Eloise, Yumi, Polly and Theia]

Loves to cook and make friends with animals

Yonji - 6 years old - He/Him

The most durable of the siblings, his exoskeleton is very strong

Both arms are half mechanical, a commenter (shout out to KitsuneNee_chan) made a remark that it reminded them of Nebula from GOTG, and I totally agree with that.

His physical modifications worked the best out of all the siblings, has had super strength since he was a baby

Has very bad sensory issues, has caused millions of berri in property damage while overstimulated

Isn't too sure what he likes to do, but absolutely loves sweet food and listening to the radio

BONUS!! X Drake Headcanons for this fic

Drake - 16 years old - He/Him

Very jumpy/skittish

An okay cook, is teaching Sanji how to use salt and pepper in moderation while making things

Good at fishing

Thinks that every zoan fruit user also has a personification of their corresponding zoan animal in their head that talks to them and will take full control when they morph into their full animal forms. He is wrong. He is mentally ill [blasts him with the OSDD1b beam]

Is very protective of the kids of the rag-tag orphanage ship that Cora has somehow gathered

[anemicjellyfish]

I'm too lazy to write the fic myself so here are the bullet points, nothing flashy or proofread, all typed on my phone! It's got some Stolas, some Octavia, some Blitzø. A big dose of hurt/comfort. And an open, but fairly happy ending with an ending where "things sure do happen!"

Octavia is told she will be arranged to marry some Goetia or another relatively soon after Sinsmas takes place. She opposes the very idea of it, but Stella puts her foot down, insisting that this is the only way Via can be controlled Via can keep her place in Goetic society.

Their argument comes to a point where Octavia refuses to marry someone she doesn't love, much less someone she's never met. Stella rolls her eyes, finally admitting that all marriages are like this. It's not like her parents got to choose each other...

Octavia finally starts to see through the rest of the cracks in the foundations of home. The home that hadn't felt like home once her dad started to leave. The home that wasn't home without him now.

She decides to make a little trip.

Stolas and Blitzø are in their tiny apartment. Whatever movie was on TV was being ignored, despite Blitzø's insistence that it could be a short break from - well, from everything Stolas was going through.

Stolas has been taking things well enough, but it doesn't take much to upset him. A particularly difficult day could shut him down for almost a week on occasion.

He tells Blitzø he can learn to live without his staff, his possessions, even without the space to move around in.

But his heart can't learn to live without his Via. He misses her. He misses the music blasting from her phone that he never understood. He misses when she slyly tucked away the foods she didn't like when she thought he wasn't looking. (He of course told the staff to let her get away with it.)

He missed those times he fulfilled his promises to take her places and teach her things.

His head sunk into Blitzø's small shoulder, he doesn't see her peering through the glass door of the balcony. He doesn't realize the cheap plastic isn't soundproof, that she could hear every word.

Blitzø's eyes shone with tears until he noticed her. Her brushed them away and gave her a small smile before asking Stolas:

"If you could tell her anything right now, what would you say?"

Stolas shakes, sobbing into Blitzø again. How, he laments, would he even find the words? He had failed the daughter he loved more than the stars in the sky. His only joy for 17 years, the little light that kept the darkness at bay. And he'd failed her over and over and over again. He only hopes he taught her to be strong enough to resist her mother's influence, to protect herself as he had protected her for all these years.

The door slides shut, and Blitzø loosens his hold on Stolas' shoulders. Stolas looks at him, ready for his lover to be as disappointed in him as his child was, only to see Blitzø's gaze was elsewhere. He followed the imp's eyes and felt his heart drop.

Octavia was at his side before he could process his humiliation.

She's not ready to let go of the hurt she feels, but she's starting to understand. Being left behind by her only support left a sting in her heart. But there was something that she wasn't sure she could overcome alone.

She needs help. The help only her dad could give.

"I'm scared. I don't want to be married off to-"

She doesn't even have to finish her sentence. Stolas is on his feet, his daughter in his arms. He carries her away from the window, as if Stella and her brother would ever be caught this close to the apartments of imps.

Blitzø excuses himself after a few minutes. Stolas, his tears now vanished, instructs Octavia in the few loopholes in Goetic society and Hell's law that could (at the very least) postpone a potential marriage. There are a lot of fancy words and references to the weird Goetia crap that Blitzø could never grasp.

He idles in the kitchen, tuning it all out as he makes some dinner. An extra plate, in case Via wants to stay a bit longer. But they're getting ready to say goodbye as he plates up the potatoes. At least Stolas can have the extra rats as lunch tomorrow.

Blitzø's heart aches when Stolas hugs his daughter, at least until she hugs him back. As Octavia heads for the sliding door, Blitzø pushes past.

He shoos Stolas to the side, telling him to go wash his hands before he eats.

Octavia gives him a skeptical look. Blitzø takes it in stride. He tells her it's okay if she still hates him. He knows what it's like to hate himself.

He slides alongside her and pushes the TV stand out from the wall. Something starts to glow in the low light of sunset.

If she should ever need protection, he tells her, then he can handle it. IMP has done some bodyguard work before, and Blitzø will gladly do it again. It's a good thing that the assassin that tried to kill her dad left behind his Blessing Tipped Rifle.

If anyone was going to bring harm to her, Blitzø would use an Angelic weapon to keep her safe. He hands her his business card.

"Just in case," he says, moving the TV stand back as Stolas returns to the living room.

Octavia raises an eyebrow, but pockets the card and nods. Without another word, she opens the door and steps through a portal of her own creation.

[dangerously-human]

Man, looking at my daily mood tracker, it is exceedingly obvious when the Strattera started to kick in. I was all over the place before, and now, it's mostly steady, calm contentment with very few blips. I didn't start taking this to stabilize my mood, but that's been a really good bonus effect - not really like an antidepressant (though those were helpful when I needed them), it really is about smoothing out the emotional volatility that goes with ADHD, so I can actually self-regulate.

I do need to try increasing my dose for sure, to tackle more of the symptoms I actually started taking this to deal with, and that requires making a doctor's appointment (and I'm currently battling the priorities monster with multiple medical things to get done). But, man, for all I've been complaining about side effects - the overheating is unreal with this drug, I have yet to wear a coat this winter and I feel like I'm boiling with fever in any building nearing 60 degrees - it's so obvious, looking at the data, that this is worth it. Even the way I'm normally miserable this time of year at work because we have a real, immovable deadline that requires a lot of fine detailed work, but I'm flying through it this round because I can actually focus. And as another extra perk, my writing productivity has skyrocketed too. It's been a major adjustment, but I am so thankful for this medicine and hopeful that I'll find a better balance with time.

Final thought: sure, looking at my mood data, I don't see quite the highs I did before, either, but a) that's worth the trade to nix the lows, too, and b) I think mostly that's because I was fairly socially isolated the last couple months, which I'm working on. Most importantly, the effect I didn't see, that I was so scared of, was losing the joy of special interests. My Lockwood & Co excitement has been a little muted, granted, but that shift predates the meds, and is mostly because my Dune enthusiasm spiked, followed by a return of my interest in Little Women. It fluctuates, and there wasn't a bad and empty dip in between. (My passion for L&Co has actually been pretty easy to summon up again when I want it, too; like most of my special interests, it's simply at all times simmering in the background.) For as disabling as my experience with special interests can absolutely be, that's not something I'm willing to give up, not even if it meant making everything else in my brain work as it's supposed to. So I'm really glad that fear turned out to be unfounded.