#and idk how to detach myself just as easy

[jean-prettyboy-kirschtein]

.

[milolunde]

We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda

[stinkbeck]

nothing more relaxing than like acting out a play in my room alone

[vampiremourning]

.

[vulpinesaint]

STOP cause who was gonna tell me that i was genuinely actually not well my whole teenage years. how did i end up consistently hanging out with the most mentally ill people on planet earth so that i thought i was normal in comparison. "idk i just feel like being hit by a car would fix me. not to die or anything just to feel the impact and get like a physical reset :)" BRACKEN YOU WERE NOT NORMAL

[ratgirrrl]

the silly thing about Language is that it will make you feel like a different person when you write something in not your native one

[sabahs-stuff]

Manifest appearance change. (Weight loss/gain)

(Success story)

❏First and foremost, Yeah, I know you shouldn't let go of your manifestation. Like detaching from your manifestation bla bla..

However, I have noticed that actively affirming appearance change is difficult for me because I love looking at my reflection in the mirror all the time. And I've to constantly remind myself to affirm. Every time I affirm, one of my inner voices started stating the opposite.

I weighed 47kg (I'm 5'3; I know it's the ideal weight, but I wanted to gain a little more). It was difficult for me to eat more. I believe it was about April 14 or 15. I decided to quit trying to eat more. I started to joke that I was gaining weight without eating,"are u kidding me? I'm eating nothing and also skipping dinner these days, so how tf am I gaining weight?" Some of my friends even laughed at me.🙂

Then, out of nowhere, my sister began complaining that I had gained weight, then few days ago I went to the doctor for a checkup, and they also measured my weight, it's 51KG now. Mind you, I skipped a lot of meals and wasn't eating at all. It was during the Mercury retrograde. I was quite depressed and saddened also someone so close to me died. But it took me like 10 days to gain 4kg. If that's not shocking idk what is.

So, this is what I did (•_•)

Reminder : "If you could make yourself believe that you have the exact appearance you desire, it would change"

Every time I ate, I told myself, "I should be dieting." And look at what I'M doing. I should start working out before it's too late. And that is all. Then I didn't even affirm anything during the day, ( I believe that if you make your brain believe that you're prettiest little creature on the planet and your existence is a service to the humanity then that's how it would be. And my toxic trait is that I believe my presence is a blessing to the humanity.😂

every time I looked in the mirror, I said, "Wtf? I'm gaining weight . "Shit, I need to diet." And trust me when I tell you at that exact moment your brain is going send you a thought "Stop lying; you're still skinny bitch"

But don't forget that you get to select what happens in your reality. If your mind wants to offer you lemons, make lemonade.😂

I said, "Yes, that's correct. If I want to lose my weight I need to affirm I'm still skinny" and I kept on saying "I need to lose weight or I'll gain more weight" just tricked my brain into thinking that I'm chubby and attempting to manifest becoming skinny. And I didn't focused on the end goal; I wasn't obsessed with it; I didn't give a damn about it, but whenever I noticed a little change, I freaked out as if something terrible had happened. And believe me when I say I freaked out it was Oscar worthy😂

I Remember, the first thing I noticed was that my arm was looking a bit chubby. I was screaming and even fake crying, 😭 "Damn this is embarrassing, I need to work out, I'm gaining weight." I then searched and downloaded weight loss workouts online.

Trust me I was living the moment 😂. literally living in the end. It was easy at the time because my brain was literally blank. I had no feelings or emotions, so I fed my brain whatever I wanted, and it ate every thought I gave it. I'm happy with my weight now.

I'm now 51kg this is just a photo I saved from Pinterest but this is my Desired type-

Here are some tips:

Your appearance is constantly changing with your affirmations and beliefs. So don't doubt whether this is going to work or not. 

Your manifestation will take time, depending on you and your beliefs.

And about mental health, I would post about it later, but it's important.

The more you visualize, the faster it will become a reality.Visualise everything; literally, everything you want, VISUALIZE 🙌 stay in your head

The amount of things I changed and manifested in my life is crazy; it's different for each person. But it took me a year to fully understand manifestation. So give yourself time. Spend time with yourself; the better you know yourself, the better you'll get in manifestation. Best advice: talk to yourself (in your head, of course, or others would think you're crazy, lol 😹.)  gossip with yourself; if you want to be tall tell yourself that you're tall and stick to it refuse to let go. ✊🏻

Hope you like it. It's my first ever post but clearly not the last 😉 feel free to ask any questions. 🩷

[miaurri]

AND IF I SAY CASUAL BY CHAPPELL ROAN WOULD BE CHESHIRES ANTHEM FOR THE POPROCKS SITUATIONSHIP AU THIN—

what do you think their situationship would be like? would it be that messy? 😭

like a detached “we’re just casual idrc” thing or something more possessive like “we’re not official or exclusive but also you’re mine.”, OR MAYBE A MUCH MORE SOUL CRUSHING SECRET THIRD OPTION?

WALK WITH ME HERE ITS PROBABLY THE SECRET THRID OPTION OF “I want you to myself and I don’t wanna see you explore other options but I also wanna have my old situationship back too so idk who to screw first” KJZAKKSOAAI

Ermmm my idea is that 🤓☝️ Mizu was a lot worse at communication back then and had that avoidant attachment style which didn’t mix well with Kayo’s anxious attachment so they broke it off but Kayo would lowkey try “rekindling” that spark the more Cheshire got all 3 of them to hang out more

Kayo like Cheshire, but in a way where you’d like a dog. Cute, fluffy, easy to please and just over all very happy but since she’s so use to the bitter silence between Mizu and her she lowkey falls back into old habits

Not that Kayo doesn’t at least obviously have feelings for Cheshire she obviously do 😭😭😭😭 Cheshire made her felt so loved and seen compared to how her and Mizu were years ago but she literally has no clue what to do with it she just goes “Omg she actually shows that she wants me and values me….wtf is this 🧍‍♀️” KNXOSJSKSMS

TLDR: Kayo needs to see a therapist and make amends with Mizu before finally being able to heal and start officially dating Cheshire

I fear this is very much Kayo trying to get all mushy again with Mizu while she’s taking a smoke break or whatever (probably takes place when Cheshire is out somewhere and Kayo drops by to their dorm ismosjownsonso)

[blairwitchh]

Ok this is gonna be a long ass rant and maybe im just a jerk but idk what else to do it feels like I lost my sister and I just hope it won't be like this forever

My older sister (31) just had her first baby with her husband (32). The baby was 4 weeks early so the birth was not easy and I feel horrible that she can't take him home from the NICU yet.

Since the baby was born I feel like she died. Her and her husband are always together. Understandable they just had a whole baby! But its kinda scaring me. They've been home from the hospital for 4 days and all they do is go to the hospital and sleep. They talk about how horrible it was because they were at the hospital all day and hadn't eaten or drank anything in 8 hours because they were just waiting around for the baby to be moved. It's inconceivable for one of them to leave the other to go to the cafeteria or go out and grab food while the other stays there. She was upset because they moved him to a non private room in the NICU cause he was showing so much improvement. They stopped by our thanksgiving get together today for about 5 mins just to grab food, did not give a fuck about saying hi or anything. Which I guess fair like theyre on baby mode. Just kinda sucked. They were complaining that she can't pump or get skin to skin time in the shared room. I asked if that was a rule and she said no, I just don't want to.

The husband has terrible ADHD, often used as an excuse for his lack of planning and competence. How he let his wife who just gave birth go 8 hours without a solid meal or drinking anything is wild. He was looking for his lost vows 15 minutes before thier wedding ceremony if that explains anything.

As she was in labor for 3 days we barely got any updates via text from him because he was just "too busy". I'm talking simple not detailed health updates. This whole process has felt so detached and I've been kept so out of the loop which sucks cause I love and care about my sister and want to know she's ok.

Also my mom went to visit. And our mom can he a bit much and annoying. My sisters feet were so swollen she was trying to grab a pillow to get them above chest level and I guess she grabbed one behind my sister that she was using and my sisters husband got annoyed. Stood up and physically grabbed the pillow from my mom while lowkey treating to kick her out. And my sister did nothing. So I texted her about it and she called and I was really happy I would be able to talk about it. Her husband was also on the phone 🙃.

The baby is healthy and almost out of the NICU. Im so excited my sister has a kid and i hope I can be of help or whatever she needs on her motherhood journey. But it just feels like she couldn't give a fuck unless it's coming from her husband which is understandable ofc but it's just totally not her style and kinda came out of left field.

He has a child from a previous relationship who my sister has known since she was 2 and is her bonus mom. She hasn't stayed at their house in weeks they just let her stay at her mom's who is very chaotic and unpredictable and honestly unsafe as a parent they just had to have exterminators get rid of roaches over there this week. But my sister and her husband really don't care. Even though they're living at home and could have her stay at our mom's when they go visit the baby in the hospital. It just seems like very immature codependent behavior.

Having a baby is a huge visceral and life changing experience. I was always super close with my sister growing up. We were best friends. Ever since she met this guy, dated him, married him, it's felt like she only has capacity for one friend and that's him. And doublely so now that the baby is here. I just love her and wish I could help her with some of this too. But maybe I'm just a sensitive baby myself

[amphiptere-art]

I’m going into my first final soon wish me luck

That being said I’m curious, and you don’t have to answer this part of the question if you don’t want to no pressure, but have you seen the episode with the confrontation Solar had with his moon? If so how do you feel?

Oh goodness good luck. I hope you get enough of it correct.

Also yes. I have watched episode. Work makes it easy to forget things. I don't know how I react to it. On one side. It was okay. Solar fire made himself weapon so he could defend himself. Moon of core comes by after our moon chills out for a sec and then goes to bed. Solar flare seemingly does not want to kill him. Trying everything he can before Moon attacks him. It's intriguing to learn that Sun is dead dead in their universe. Plus solar's reaction to his death was somber but not overly reactive. A necessary evil.

I guess it just wasn't sad or emotional to me. Solar's Moon has clearly gone mad with grief. Solar doesn't necessarily want to kill him because of his mad grief. Has to anyways. Technically has to put down the dog twice. I guess I just don't feel emotional about it because solar themselves is not emotional about it. The most he does is almost fall to his knees in silence. Then it's off about needing repairs and improving his canon. Sure it might just be a coping technique. I just kind of wanted more. Basically I wanted a sorry? A more fulfilling one. Idk. I've detached myself in the Tsams a lot.

[justajsworkshop]

honest share with you all (i dunno. low-key vent?).

look, i know i'm not talking about all this from the place of "my ideal," but idk. i want to write this for me and for you because it feels nice to get it off my chest, and also i just want you to know that finding certain things more challenging than others doesn't mean you suck at manifesting.

there is zero point to all of this. it's just a long ass stream of consciousness. you do not have to read it or read it all the way to the end. like, spare yourself. lmaooooo.

the two areas i've found the most challenging in my journey are my cat's health and money. i am a very powerful manifestor. sometimes, manifesting felt easier before discovering the law, ngl. because i wasn't trying to intellectualize it; it was just happening.

but since discovering the law, my health has been freakishly easy to improve since i've been able to curb how i talk to myself about my body. interactions with desired people also come pretty naturally to me, too. tho, i don't really want that much from other people. so, i think that's part of it. i rarely dwell in desire with my personal relationships.

before the law, i manifested a new standing desk just by obsessing over what kind i wanted... browsing amazon for waaaay too long every day until one day, i walked outside and saw one on the sidewalk that fit all my desires. (ppl leave furniture for others to take around here all the time.)

^ and this is why i say you don't need to feel it real or anything. if you keep putting something within your awareness, it will materialize. i didn't even consider a certain desk "mine." i just keep obsessing over what kind to get.

other times, i'd just think "huh, this would be nice." and it would come into fruition without any further effort on my part. like i got a new shower head literally delivered and installed without needing to pay for anything or ask anyone just because i wanted a detachable one. a short bit later, the gas company knocked on my door, and i had a new shower head. plus, the water pressure/heat dramatically improved. it was all something i'd thought would be nice but put no conscious effort into "making happen."

i can and have manifested massive windfalls of money, amazing job opportunities, and great financial outcomes; i've done it before many times. but tbh, consistency with this? being able to trust in it? it hasn't always been easy for me, and this is one gap the law has helped me fill. i used to give a lot of power to the method or my feeling state or whether to think about it or not think about it, etc.

recently, i've been feeling immense relief being able to experience my finances as i desire them to be in imagination. it's been nice. i am SO abundant! so, when appearances show me something different, i just go back to my imaginal experience and be who i want to be. or maybe i'll just remind myself that it's all ok, that i'm ok, that it'll all be ok. or i'll ask myself "what if the money has always been there?" and i chuckle and smile because i know it has been.

i gently remind my anxiety we're no longer in egypt: we've been freed. my linear mind wants to sound off that the house in on fire rn, ngl. but i find so much peace in remembering that i'm not what i experience with my physical body. reality isn't what these physical eyes see or what these physical ear hear. i'm the awareness through which all experiences i can ever desire to experience pass through, so i feed my awareness with wonderful experiences.

i worry about my cat a lot because, yknow, he's my lil guy. he's my whole world. and i've been able to manifest good health for him in certain areas; it's just this one that's been more challenging for me.

idk, it's like this chew toy my anxiety will not let go of, and i'm like, bruh, why are you holding onto this? we don't enjoy it!! (using "we" language here because i tend to take an internal family systems approach to how i experience myself, observing different parts of me while knowing it's all me.)

but anyway—i know i'm entirely the source of my suffering here, jfc. it almost... makes me laugh rn as i write it tho?? the sheer absurdity of the mind to insist, insist, insist on this one experience that it KNOWS it doesn't like. like, my dude, there's an infinite feast available. why do you keep eating this terrible food??? pls, i beg of you. it's so silly? i finally just booked a vet appointment for him, the one i probably should have done months ago, and now it's a game of being like "alright, money. do your thing. jump in my bank account."

it's so fucking dumb because i'm literally masterful at manifesting money, and yet i pretend i can't for some stupid psyche/ego reason. doesn't matter either way because i still imagine myself as i'd like to be even if the physical mind is being a right wanker. lmfao. but when i immerse myself in imagination, i don't see how i couldn't be my desired self because there i am!

thank god thoughts alone don't manifest because i've thought some HORRIBLE SHIT in the past few days, but guess who's still here, kicking around, and doing just fine? me (and my cat).

i no longer desire to shift. i experience my DR all the time imaginally. you can't tell me i haven't shifted because i've done it dozens of times now, and i love it. i started affirming i'm not tapping into the void state/point consciousness during meditation, and it's allowed me to enjoy evening meditation again. i can just be instead of trying for anything. thank goodness.

so, i dunno. i'm sorry you read this, but i did warn you it was pointless lololol. this is just a random update on stuff i've been up to but in a less polished version than you usually get.

i hope you're doing well. i imagine you well. may life surprise you with many wonderful gifts today. <3

[heartfucksmouth]

the stress of not feeling: welcome/able to be myself/able to exist outside my bedroom/safe/like my child is cared for properly by my in-laws is really. really. getting to me.

pretty sure she gave my kid too much water today and thinks he only eats baby food 3x a day like an adult or something. idk. we were gone at the grocery store for under 2 hours and I had napped for 2 hours before that. he was STARVING when we took him back. drank a 4oz bottle and ate 4oz of baby food. and suddenly he wasn't lethargic and fussy and had the energy to play again for another hour, then went down for a nap easy. its becoming really disturbing for me that this woman is so detached that she can't even parse our his needs. mil got a lot of help raising her kids from her parents, she got to go out and party still. she doesn't have a nurturing bone in her fuckin body and she puts on a show for FB and if guests are over, including my mom, but my mom knows better. we don't rely on mil help at all anymore, but I don't think we're gonna ask for it even for a Grocery store run. I'm making some calls this week to see if we can get closer to assistance/housing vouchers/something. I don't want to feel like I've sentenced my son to be subjected to the same trauma me and myles were. I think it would break us completely. we wanted to be able to provide a different life but it's feeling suffocating and overwhelmingly toxic here and impacting my health so, so hard. I can't even write about it properly bc I'm so drained at the end of the day.

she still never put the car seat in her car. ade's nursery is still not set up completely and decorated. like not even the baby monitor or the expensive mobile and beset and wall decals I was gifted. nothing is baby-proofed and probably won't be unless we do it bc, well,i dont think they baby proofed anything when myles was little. she keeps putting things in ade's crib and pack'n'play as if it's a catch-all. she just sucks. I cannot explain how much she sucks the life out of me. and I swear Aidan only naps for as long as he does with her bc he shuts down, knowing he won't be comforted if he cries. I cannot handle that. I can't and don't and will not trust her to have his best interests in mind.

this is gutting me. I feel like a wild animal caught in a trap about to gnaw off my own leg. I just want my kid, my partner, my DOG, to feel safe and comfortable. we are not. but we're stuck. it's maddening.

[imanes]

hi imane! i hope ur doing well <3 i just wanted to ask: what do you do during times of uncertainty? im a uni student abt to go on placement and I've been applying for part-time jobs that's centred around my field but to no avail sadly :/ i wanted to save up at least so i wouldn't stress during placement and everything's so overwhelming.. there are other external factors that's making me feel this way too like a friendship break-up i had few months ago and its affected me quite badly but im starting to pick myself up again. anyways sorry for the rant and i hope ur day is lovely x

hey! just sat down after hours of procrastination to work on my dissertation and i wish i were done already akjdkfgj but it could be worse!! ok it's gonna be long and probs unhelpful but i know that you wanted to vent more than you thought i was holding some solution so I'll just ramble and hope something resonates with you lmao <3

for me uncertainty makes me feel like my life is in shambles, it's hard to cope with things going south and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but during my yearly flop era in march/april i had a talk with a friend who's much older, wiser, and more experimented, and basically it helped me put things into perspective and learn how to let go. there are only so many things that you can control so i split my different issues into different categories for a more systemic approach to my problems lol: things that i can actually somewhat control (my emotions, my reactions, my efforts, what i can do moving forward to alleviate some of my stress), things that are out of my control (how people misconstrue me, external stressors like shitty coworkers, refusals from jobs i was applying for) and things (and people) that i don't need in my life. learning to let go of things for me internationally infamous control freak was not easy but it was liberating, idk if you're religious so if you aren't the next part isn't going to be helpful lol but i don't think i should be chasing things because i am exactly where i am meant to be, and if i start clutching at the things that aren't meant to be in my life, it's just my ego getting in the way, and i prayed that Allah just lets me find the place that i would fit better in and that He'd take me away from it if i wasn't going to be doing or feeling good there. i guess the non-religious version would just be to trust the process and understand that things in life wax and wane, whether it be job opportunities or relationships. obviously there's like a plethora of other factors like what do i do if i can't pay the bills and stuff? that was how i was thinking just a couple of months ago when my dissertation was not writing itself and nobody was hiring me! but a few weeks have passed and looking back on it i was starting to chase things again and it made me feel like i was stuck in a rut when in fact it's normal for things to take some time to settle down and for opportunities to arrive.

so basically whether you stress about it or not, literally nothing is going to change except the way you frame it in your head. for me i just continued applying and gave interviews my all while also being detached enough to simply trust myself to find the space that i was meant to occupy eventually, and after many many many rejections i finally found something a week ago, but it took a couple of months of steady job application to get there. looking from the other side of the mirror it's easy to say things like "don't get discouraged!" but it is true that if you keep throwing shit at a wall something's going to eventually stick, hence the power of consistency and of never giving up.

i'm glad you're slowly building yourself back up after your friendship break-up, i know how much it can drag you down but again some people are meant to be with you for a season only and at the end of the day with the effect of time making things more bearable and by working on your self-esteem and knowing that you can do things that you set your mind to, whether it is finding a part-time job or picking yourself back up, in a few weeks you're gonna look back on where you were mentally at when you sent me this message and where you'll be then and you'll thing "well i guess things DO pass huh who would've thought!!" lol life is a cycle of stability and unsteadiness, doesn't matter how much you prepare something's always going to go sideways but another truth is that things fall back into place again and you have to have faith in that, in yourself, and maybe in something else like i am w/ my relation to religion if u need extra help. speaking of help if you have a support system, confide in them and let them carry some of that weight for you!! you'd do the same for them so don't feel like you're a burden for needing help when you are facing instability. wishing you the best of luck and i really hope you find a good part-time job before your placement babe

[not-poignant]

I admit I was trawling for some easy smut to read and got Underline the Black. Usually I back out when the story doesn't go how I expect and instead I've binged the whole thing in six hours and find myself painfully relating to Efni's gender and sexual trauma.

I don't know how to describe it but I'm AFAB and grew up Christian with all these expectations and secular ones and I was so scared I rejected everything and tried to be this person I thought I had to be. And I've done that over and over and I'm thirty now and I think I'm finally coming to terms with my place in gender and sex and all that.

It's still a long journey and idk I know a lot of trans people get squicked by ABO stuff and it's based off bunk wolf science but. Idk. This is the most I've ever felt seen I think. So thanks.

Hi hi,

I really love omegaverse, you might be surprised how many trans people are writing it on AO3 - trust me when I say it's a lot of us. :)

A lot of the reasons trans folk can find omegaverse squicky is actually a lot of the same reasons why trans folk can find it cathartic or interesting or crave reading it. Everyone's reasons for ending up in omegaverse are different, because it's really just a huge umbrella term for like, countless different genres, tropes, levels of worldbuilding, sex, and types of story.

I don't really mind that it's based off debunked science, hell, I've even written a logical explanation for that in my Perth Shifters series lol. There's a lot of science we have today that was initially based off of bad science, that scientists then went 'oh yeah, that's not great, but we might keep the terminology anyway, because everyone's using it.' So that works out just fine. It's not like all of our science in reality started off in the best places, some started off in pure medieval spaces and then just kind of...grew up over time.

I apologise for the lack of easy smut though in Underline the Black! I have a lot more of erotica / smut in my other works, like Spoils of the Spoiled or Game Theory, so far we're still a while away from anything more than the handjob that's coming up in a couple of chapters re: Efnisien and Gary, that's definitely a slowburn! :D

(You might like Underline the Red though, which has some alpha/beta smut instead!)

And yeah, gender stuff is so hard. I'm glad you're coming to a place that feels right or is starting to feel right re: gender. I know I started that journey for myself in my early 30s and now that I'm in my early 40s it's only really started to settle into place. This stuff can be rough, especially when you're raised in repressed and oppressive and harmful societies.

Being able to explore gender stuff in Underline the Black has been a lot of fun for me. I much prefer doing it this way, than doing it with the genders we already have irl, tbh, because it lets me detach a little, but it also means that the omegaverse genders can become metaphorical for a lot of different issues, and I enjoy the power of something that can work in a few different ways. :D

(Also just a note, in the future can you please write it as a/b/o or just say omegaverse, because otherwise you're just writing a horrible slur towards Aboriginal Australians and we're generally trying to avoid that. Appreciate it going forward thank you! :) ).

[thisdreamplace]

how do you deal with forgiving yourself? i know that everything is states and we’re supposed to separate who we really are (I AM) from the states that we fall into but that kind of feels like a cop out to me (or is that just my ego rationalizing so that i can keep dwelling in a state that doesn’t serve me?). i don’t want to punish myself forever but recently i’ve experienced so much envy (towards someone living out one of my desires, petty i know) and i’ve lashed out from a place jealousy and joined in with others having unkind conversations and i just feel so much shame and embarrassment because that isn’t like me. like i was in so much pain i physically felt it in my heart but that still isn’t an excuse. i feel so bad because that isn’t something that i usually do and it feels so foreign to me and i’m kind of scared that i can feel and react that way simply bc someone else has something that i want. i know this experience is probably being reflected to me because of some deeper wound (feeling like i never get to have what i want?) that i haven’t properly addressed. i want to forgive myself to release myself from this identification and detach but that also feels like a cheap and selfish way to absolve myself of my responsibility? like “oh that wasn’t ME-me, it was my state” idk it just feels wrong and pathetic to me and i feel stuck but i also recognize that self-flagellating doesn’t help anyone. that person is still living my dream regardless and that truth and my shame and regret are still living rent free in my mind. fuck. sorry for ranting.

i understand how it could feel like a cop out, if youre not understanding it well. its not you brushing it off, giving yourself an easy excuse to behave harmfully. but its moreso giving yourself grace and love, holding space for that part of you that felt that way/did that thing. so its different than what you are describing.

you know how i deal with it ? i dont try to tell myself, oh that wasnt ME. instead i accept that was me. in that moment, thats who i was. i did that thing, i said that thing. whatever the case may be. but moreso, the me now, in this moment, isn't tied to that person. that person was hurt, sad, scared, etc and acted from such a place. and i don't have to punish that person either. instead all i can do is extend love and understanding, because that is the true way to help heal the version of me who acted out.

your feelings of jealousy aren't foreign to me. i know how terrible it is, because you're fully aware you SHOULD be happy for them but a part of you just can't be, and instead you end up lashing out in various ways. so its like you can actively feel yourself going against what you feel you should be doing, and yet you can't stop yourself. but understand that it's.... normal. and sure it's not something you're proud of, but then great. that means its something you're more aware of healing and letting of with time.

don't let the idea of states make you feel trapped and like youre fighting against yourself. for more ease, just see yourself as living moment to moment. some moments will be tougher than others, but you're never trapped in a moment and you're always free to become someone new in that new moment. :) xo

[alazyparallelworld]

sending an ask to engage with what you were saying was a random impulse but im happy to see you respond and give it thought, definitely wouldnt mind sending more since this is an interesting topic :3 glad you dont mind... it can be weird being a detached observer of somebody elses life specifically if they are uncomfortable with the idea of it. i think the reason i jump to using the word "oversharing" is that talking a lot generally has a negative connotation for me because i have negative experiences with talking a lot and being ignored. i guess one of my main insecurities? so maybe i dont have the same type of accidental charisma because im too obviously desperate/curating myself too much, idk. marketing myself as a persona isnt necessarily a good goal to have so maybe sharing myself in more private spaces is for the best (not like i dont compulsively share to anyone who will listen anyway)

also being the way that i am i dont appreciate the observers/audience i DO have enough because im constantly looking for evidence of it. kind of a never enough situation. i definitely think i just have to let it go & if it happens it happens. actually, i do have a decent chance of gaining a following over my art, and when i got more interactions i swear it was when i drew more, so i guess that is part of whats happening with you. art drawing people into somebodys persona or something? i wonder if part of it is just like, when scrolling the dash peoples attention is caught more by images so it makes somebody more likely to get invested. but i think your art has a lot of personality and its what personally made me interested in following your blog so i guess the art is just like, one piece of the whole of a "persona"

diving into the pure psychological sense… going to put the entirety under a read more.

leans back, in the "contemplating therapist" pose and aura. This is a distinct position for anyone familiar.

forgive - me - in the event of bad perspective. entirely: i am not a medical professional, and if these woes are Distorting your life into an unhappiness (ability to function, socialize, that ilk) on a regular basis, either from the 'expected' of bi-weekly to the 'constant' of daily - internet guidance should be an appetizer, at best…!! while a peer's view is quite different from a, "Went to college for half-decade for this particularity" employee, they are both helpful -

but I don't mean. "Go to a therapist," because: i minimized my daily-distortion of BPD (fond Bitch Personality Disorder) thru worksheets, pamphlets, scientific texts. this conversation between us is 'improper' text, ""Uneducated"" but it is not without merit. I just don't want the existence of only two options - "[symptom of mental disorder] reddit" or "therapist that specializes in [mental disorder]" in an analogy. There are a plethora of ways to better yourself - "so maybe sharing myself in more private spaces is for the best" cannot be the single possibility. i believe in you - broaden yourself, and do not hastily imprison yourself to Any distraught for the easy answer, "better in the long run"

what you desire is evident. That is a crucial first step, and your life is measured in the thousands of footprints. Time is here for you - there is no real clock, rather, you know where your satisfaction is in space. Be proud of self-awareness, of identifying desire, these are inch forwards.

now, your path forks - "can i transfigure that want, into something 'healthier," "is there a healthier route to that want," and how exciting is that…! how to min-max pain and pleasure, that is the basis of all species. and if the decision solidifies further into, "i have to go home, i have to let this all go," that is the first option. there is no shame in release.

that is my thought on. "insecurity," and i hope - even if very inaccurate, maybe Inappropriate, your reaction of 'that's wrong!' strengthens what you know to be true.

[head on desk] That's a heaviness…! not on you. This could've been a very simple answer. I'm strange and chattery, for I don't talk IRL and only online. At least, in length…

ART…! art is eye-catching. It is intrinsic. Of course, my artwork pulls people in (but I captured attention b4 I started, as I only began in winter 2020, blah) for any colorful stimuli it kickstarts the brain. Nervous symptom responses.

(i don't think it provokes the sympathetic nervous system SPECIFICALLY, but i'm not abt to rabbit-hole myself into certainty. sensory is prolly also incorrect, just in a 'less wrong' kind. i'm singling out nervous specifically, as the 'colorful'ness of art prolly agitates the body first into, 'is this a toxic plant' survivalism and NOT the visual aesthetics of being 'pleasing to the brain,' i think that's a secondry concern, aaaand i'm rambling abt special interest SORRY)

word-of-mouth, 'reblogs,' or searches is how people notice the un-art. Fanfic writers. Clever meta. Observations. Diary-ing. to 'appeal,' you have to either - as mentioned previously - change yourself, or redirect your goal - but for less extensive… Journaling via pen-and-paper, or a notes app, is easy in THEORY but difficult in PRACTICE. these don't fulfill the, 'exchange,' because journals and notes are private. However. These are good practices. Writing onto yourself sharpens the ability to communicate, your dialect - there's a difference of 'early' ramblings here to current ones. (admittedly, a, 'there's been developments in psychosis,' is a portion rather than True improvement, but it's not a singularity)

review sites i.e letterboxd and backloggd serve similarity, but are dedicated to movies/video games respectively. And, they center around either criticism, or humor - which isn't what you want… you want your natural self to be attractive. I do think you could find enjoyment outside, and it can be good fun or a learning exercise finding out that You Hate Writing Meta.