#and id rather not go through it again
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i am being so brave trying so hard to hold back writing a rant about that 'minimizing narrative noise' comment on totk sage concept art bc its actively flying around in my head like the worlds most annoying fly
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i have .... thigns to say...............#i need to wait until i get a look at the entire book#and cant go on rants on single comments#then again .... what else is in there .................#i am dreading this thing#like id rather know that there was trouble during development than having a dozen of shitty comments obviously trying to cover up-#-for something- this CANNOT be true#yes narrative noise is a thing that exists- but in THIS game????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#like you basically cut down the already boring plot into its bare essentials that isnt executed well either#and then add confusion and menaingless detailes like the sage helmets “”connecting“” the sonau to the shiekah#when rly it just makes it more confusing bc the hsiekah a prectically gone- the fuck kind of conenction is there#like THAT is what id call narrative noise- weird details that make no sense and arent important#also you cant make a character the equivilant of a blank box and then say 'we wanted them to feel powerful and scary' or sth#BC YOUD NEED TO MAKE THE CHARACTER ANYTHIGN -BUT- A BLANK BOX TO HAVE THEM BE INTIMIDATING#ALSO all the ancient stupid sages do is stand around repeating words like they are puppets- you dont see them fight ever#“intimitadtign” my ASS the useless little knife fake zelda throws at sonia from half a mile away and prob wouldnt even have gotten through-#-her hair is more intimidating than any of the blank box mc sages#youd think they learned their lesson when they made the botw champions DLC bc it fleshed their characters out more and added better-#-shrines BUT NO apparently that was a big mistake huh#maybe thats why every single character is reduced to one boring stereotype or a blank box of nothing in totk#having zelda be anything else but a swooing little damsel waiting for her prince was narrative noise needing to be removed HUH#writing team all fired or what- literally WHAT was going on in there
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and so we're returning to the scene of the crime this week
#f1#singapore gp 2024#'watching singapore23 to feel something' id rather skin myself alive than go through that again#charles leclerc
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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buying hrt through not so legal routes is always such a process like just gimme my drugs so i can have a fat dick thxx
#.txt#i will never go through an actual doctor again though#despite the emails i have to send to get this id rather do that than have to go to a dr
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day 74!
#5150#dallon weekes#idkhow#IF DALLON RELEASES GLOOMTOWN BRATS AT 9 IN THE MORNING ON A WEEKDAY AGAIN MY TEACHERS ARE NOT GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT IT#also yes im waiting to hear it when it officially releases like the good boy that i am.#with what dallon has had to go through with all the leaks and beauracracy i think id rather just not spoil the moment.#plus i dont. have an accessible radio.#😔#this is depressing. i wish we could all just hear it at the same time together idk☠️#2019
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today i experienced probably the single most traumatic event in my entire medical history.
#i can't even put into words how much worse it was than i thought it would be#id rather die than do it again#but i have to#fucking cancer#accept dying young or MAYBE get a miracle by going through actual physical torture#they could use this shit at Guantanamo Bay it's so fucking bad#I'm so upset#chatter#round 2
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got a little funny post for ya
some beta designs...
#Astro Boy#sonic the hedgehog#Shadow#im THINKING about making sticker and keychain designs#these are OLD tests i made a few months back and thinking about it again#also this isnt really a mashing of 2 intrests.like. sega has done a few things with the astro boy licensing#the sonic team developed the 03 ps2 game. also there were sega licensed astro plush toys! they're company buddies!!!!!!#but ANYWAY#IF i go through with this ill only do Astro Uran Ochan Tenma Shadow and Atlas#as Sonic Amy Tails GERALD ROBOTNIK Shadow and knuckles#YES Tenma in Eggmans outfit would look REALLY COOL but given the backstory aspect Gerald works better for tenma#creating shadow. a child dies that drives them nuts. its too perfect#i was stumped w ochan...but with segas current cast i can only think of tails for Ochan. id rather not expand onto archie characters tbh
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I have had a VERY busy week (positive but very very socially draining) and I am ABOUT to have a few days of work and then ANOTHER very busy week (work, 2 different appointments and a job interview) and I just wanna take a moment and remind myself that I may take longer to do things than average but im still DOING them and it's. Okay to still feel tired several days after making a phonecall
#idk im having a lil moment of clarity/calm in the middle of.#what feels like a storm of there Always Being Something that i need to do#and thats never gonna go away but its okay to take a breather here and there to help me keep pushing at it#feeling very positive today bc i got offered an interview for a youth councillor role locally#the main problem with it is its 20 hours a week and a 6 month contract. so i cant leave my current job for it#BUT it would allow me to reduce my hours a bit doing something hopefully less emotionally intense#the coffee shop below us ia recruiting again too which. isnt the best look tbh but i think if im doing two jobs id rather#have one there bc like. ive done fast food#i know i can handle it at its worst for at least a while and the bougie coffee place isnt likely to hit those peaks#so yeah! lots of stuff going on lots to do#definitely not talking to friends as much as i should be#but heres kind of why i guess and currently at least im. feelin pretty good!#we also made it through last month without asking for help#which. is huge but being undercut a little by me spending more than i intended and being mega nervous abt it#not sure how this month is gonna go. but. baby steps.
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What if I exploded? What then?
#this has been my mood for like two weeks now#well actually the las couple months if were being honest#but esp these last couple weeks#im just tired and stressed and anxious as fuck#and now i got a 7pm 3hr exam tonight#AND work tmr cuz LITTERALY no one else was available#so i get to go do poorly on this exam cuz im tired from work this morning and its right through my normal dinner time#and im not able to really eat now cuz im too anxious and i gotta catch the bus in like 15mins#and then come home and basically go straight to bed#so i can work an 8hr shift tmr#aauaaugghhggg#AND i got another exam ill prolly do WORSE on on the 19th#but that ones at 9 so like not much better but id rather that than the 7pm one#and that class has a group project too thats due the same day cuz it was the last day it can be handed in#i also HATE that class so much#im just like fuckim burnt out i think#straight up considering dropping out if i fail again i dont even care anymore#or at least taking a SOLID YEAR off before finishing#cuz christ alive i need a proper fuckin break#anyways i kinda went off here#oopsies!#oh well
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I went grocery shopping today and realized just how much stronger I've gotten since pre-recovery and now I suddenly don't wanna relapse
#also just had a rather great day that reminded me i can feel happy still#its hard to remember that when it hardly ever happens#idk if i can give up on losing weight though... and it was just one good day. i still need some way to cope :(#idk what to do. i want to be happy. i want this to be the last time i ever had to get better#but i also cant really do anything. i need something more#i guess ill take it one day at a time... though i will probably relapse if i do that#but fuck it I guess it is what it is#well see what happens#I just dont wanna lose all this progress :( and i dont wanna go through recovery again#last time with my ed was so incredibly traumatic. i thought i was gonna die#there would be days id binge eat (relatively 'normal' amounts of food but a whole days worth at once)#and it was because id think 'today could be my last day- i may as well eat what i want now'#but id be in so much pain and have extreme nausea for hours or days not to mention the mental anguish-#god. it was all just really awful. i want things to be better now
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imsoo normal about guys byw
#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die#fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die#cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh#i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever#this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi#the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare#serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home#everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump#anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms#killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti#save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight#on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work#lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush#cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav#the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms#i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him#sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls#i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim#all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family#noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me#sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep#ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep#post#erics tag#delete later#serenity needs this as a ref in the morning#i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason#shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much#gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb
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💥🦾🤒
I am no longer taking any prompts for the fanfic drabble emoji thing. I know the posts have been circulating again lately, but I'm not taking any more of them now.
Sorry.
#no tags cos i dont feel the need to#sorry dear non. id rather not go through this again#last time it sent me on some sort of rampage
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I'm genuinely really sorry you have to go through this shit. You can get through this I promise, it doesn't matter if you have to run away or scream or drag yourself through every hoop but you can get away someday and you can LIVE.
(Virtually playing in a flower field with you ok ily)
ough i hope so too 😭😭 but honestly i don't even know what to believe anymore, every single time it feels like it got better my family always goes back to square 1, it's like nothing before ever happened it genuinely feels like i'm living in a time loop and i want to kill myself
#asks#i just wish i had a normal family#when i hear people talk about abusive families i never hear things like THIS#please id rather get hit and beaten up than go through this shit again
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did they ever mention why Lauda was able to pilot the Schwarzette and be fine despite the gund or is that for interpretation?
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manifesting my appointment on Thursday ends well and not with me being ripped off my meds and left to live in agony AND anxiety for another 6 months
#I'm actually so scared her advice is going to be to stop my birth control#because yeah it's making my life hell with periods and pain#but id also rather not live through jan/feb 2023 ever again#that was so much worse#also i hope she can push up my ultrasound and bloodwork#even though i don't have a day 21 of my cycle
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one of the courses i got into is emailing me everyday trying to get me to accept their offer 😑 but i don't want to decline them yet because it's an unconditional while the offer ive actually accepted is a conditional and im scared i won't get in
#um.txt#actually might rather not do a masters at all than go there bc id have to move right up the country#and the actual course just looks a bit shit in comparison to how interesting the course i want to do is#but also i think planning to move out and having it fall through AGAIN would be my final straw lol
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