#and ibe had a few wonderful supporters

[pumpkinnqueenn]

.

[shiny-jr]

Get you a guy with thighs bigger than yours.

- Warning: Gender-neutral reader. 

- Characters: König.

- Summary: Thick thighs do not save lives.

- Note: This came about because I was just talking crazy in the dms with a mutual. I originally wasn't going to ever let this see the light of day, but then I decided, why the hell not? If I get smacked with delayed embarrassment, I'll just delete. Yeah, I know this isn't what I usually write and post, but oh well. Anyways, after this, we will be back to our regular scheduled content shortly. Oh, and sorry for minor mistakes, I wrote this like at midnight.

. . .

You decided to put a movie on. Just for a distraction. After about an hour into the movie, the leather couch got a bit uncomfortable since it stuck to your skin. So you slunk down to the floor, bringing a pillow or two down with you to use in case extra comfort was needed. The movie was beginning to lose your attention, but you still watched the screen attentively as if you were still focused on the film's plot.

What ended up catching your attention, was the slight shifting couch. Well, slight probably wasn't the correct word, as the movement was anything but light. It was safe to assume the shifting was from a guy who was well over 200 Ibs and a few inches short of 7 ft, although you didn't know the exact numbers because you never wanted to ask König outright.

It was easier to hear the movement, as the large figure scoot a few inches over. Instead of sitting beside you like he was a few seconds earlier, he had not so discreetly moved to take your vacant spot and sit directly behind you. He tried to stay quiet, he really did, but it wasn't so easy for him given his size. At the very least, he treaded carefully, not bumping your back once with his legs or accidentally knocking the back of your skull with his kneecaps.

You didn't move, but your eyes slowly glanced downward, where you could see the tip of his boots. Custom made, as most department stores didn't carry anything in his size. Most articles of clothing he had were custom-made or bought in special stores, save for that odd black diy mask he often wore over his head like a hood to hide himself from the world. Too afraid to lean back and accidentally make contact and disturb this fragile peace, you remain still despite the slight ache in your lower back that make you want to lean back and stretch. But you don't. All you could do was try to revert your attention back to the movie and not think any unholy thoughts, that is, until you heard more movement.

To not bump his knees against you, Konig spread his legs a bit and leaned down. The edges of his homemade cloth mask brushed against your back as you stiffened up, and you could make out the shape of his head beside yours as he whispered, "Do you, uh, want some...?"

Yes. "What???"

"Popcorn? Do you want some popcorn...??"

Oh.

After deciding whether or not you'd accept his offer, silence ensued, only fueled by the movie playing on the television. You weren't gonna lie, you have no idea what the hell was going on in the story anymore. A solid minute passed when he spoke again, sounding just as unsure as the first time. He spoke, as if whatever thoughts he had on his mind earlier where left to simmer for long enough.

"Scheiße. Sorry, should I have not moved here...? You can still lean back if you want?"

"Oh, okay... I, um, I'll do that."

Your back was starting to ache a little from sitting up without support, so, feeling just as awkward as he was feeling, you leaned your back against the couch. Instantly, as soon as you did that, your peripheral vision was covered by his knees and part of his legs. The movie was pretty much pointless now, as you were currently wondering whether you should thank whatever gods existed or curse them for the fact that König did not have shorts on. Even without shorts and with specially fitted cargo pants, they could not conceal the insane bulk of his legs. Especially his thighs. Good lord. The two pillows you brought down before from the couch were essentially useless now because on each side of your head were his limbs that rivaled the best of My Pillow.

Think of something else, anything else, is what you tried to tell yourself.

That idea would go out the window as soon as you felt something in your hair. Carefully twisting a few strands, you felt some thick and calloused fingers gently try and feel the texture of your hair. But it lasted only for a brief second, as he immediately pulled his hands away and murmured a tiny bit louder from his whisper earlier, "Ah, sorry, I should've asked first. I should not have done that. I am sorry––"

"It's okay, I... don't mind." You shrugged it off, and much to your surprise and contentment, he continued.

The first few seconds had a bit more hesitancy, but as time ticked by, seconds turned to minutes, his boldness increased. It started with his large hands carefully feeling the texture of your hair, then it became slow brush strokes as his thick fingers ever-so-carefully untangled knots in your stands of hair. Until eventually it escalated, and he gathered the courage to do something so bold as to scratch your skull. He could easily take your entire face in one hand and crush your skull, but he didn't. There was no sign of any such roughness. Instead, his fingers and nails continued to comb through your hair, lightly scratching your scalp. At first when he did this, he paused, and waited for any objections or signals of a negative reaction, but after no such thing, he continued and seemed pleased.

It was after about five-minutes and heavy mental debating in your mind that you decided to suck it up and go for it. What's the worst that could happen? Honestly, you didn't even expect to make it this far.

So, after taking in a breath, you let your head fall to the side. It wasn't like those romantic scenes where you watch the character lean their head against a love interest's shoulder. Oh no, you were skipping that part, your ear landed right on his thigh. Which was probably due to the cushion you placed underneath you on the floor that elevated you a few extra inches, or else you might've missed. In that moment, right as the side of your head landed on its intended target, you felt him freeze. His fingers stopping, nails still on your scalp. A second passed, then two, then three, like time froze.

You were almost tempted to pry yourself off and apologize, but you really didn't want to. But you had to ask. "Is this alright...?"

"J-Ja... I mean, yes..."

Your eyes widened, and you were sure you had on some goofy kinda grin but at least you weren't facing him so he couldn't tell. Once you heard his response, your shoulders slumped, relieved of tension you didn't even know you were carrying.

Even with your head against his thigh that wasn't plush but was still definitely comfortable, you realize you were no better than a man as you resisted the urge to just reach out and squeeze his other thigh that had gotten closer without you even realizing it. You had to dig your nails into your knee to prevent yourself from acting on impulse.

It was definitely almost pure muscle from what you could tell with your head on one of them. Firm but somehow still soft. Thick thighs, in fact, do not save lives, because these thighs have ended who knows how many between them in finishing moves on the battlefield. Lucky bastards. Trying your luck agian, you place a shaky hand on his other thigh, but he didn't react. A good sign? Possibly?

Forget goth gfs and thick plush thighs, apparently giant anxious austrian soldiers with thighs as thick as tree trunks and strong enough to obliterate skulls like melons were the new fad.

Movie totally forgotten, your vision was entirely covered when König leaned down a bit from his spot on the couch and you tilted your head to look up and meet his gaze. The masked man stared at you, his blue eyes peering down at you through the two small slits cut into his mask for his eyes to see. His mask partially dangled, but not fully, so not revealing himself to you. When your gaze traveled away, abruptly his thighs got closer, squishing your cheeks and the sides of your face but not enough to hurt. Just a bit of pressure to get you to look up again.

Oh god.

There was literally no space between your face and his legs anymore, and your arms instinctively went to the outer side of his thighs to try and pry them apart a bit. You didn't try much, maybe because you enjoyed it or because you didn't exactly have strength strong enough to rival his, so all you could do was clutch the pockets of his cargo pants that were just above his knees, your nails digging in softly just to get a quick feel.

Once he saw he had your attention again after he applied a bit of pressure, he cocked his head to the side and continued to look down at you through half-lidded eyes darkened by the shadow of his hood. Then he spoke, but this time with no apprehension in his quiet tone.

"You do know I've ruined others that were in a similar position to what you are in right now?"

[homocidal-invader]

@the-best-invader is 2 years old now! For that, I think I'll do one of my incredibly rare OOC posts.

The Past

When this blog started it was just a fun way for me to socialize with other Invader Zim fans. At the time @z-ib was making waves with beautiful, intriguing, and shockingly frequent art posts in what I had seen as an interesting fusion between an ask blog and a roleplay blog.

Soon, a few others started showing up as well, and I wanted to throw a Zim into the mix because I hadn't seen any of that yet.

The version of the character was based off of an idea I had for a comic series that never came to be. It was supposed to be a self-aware crackfic version of Zim based off of an already silly highschool AU comic. It was meant to be played for jokes, and for me to get an idea of the character before I started to make "serious" material. Just for fun to play with other people.

Soon, an entire community had formed with people quickly sending asks to other blogs to make themselves known. A canon had formed, so I decided to make a Discord Server where people in this community could more easily collaborate on storylines, roleplay behind the scenes, and just get to know each other better.

My character quickly became more serious, had his personality become more developed, and I created strong ideas for worldbuilding that I hadn't had when I first started the blog, all because of the wonderful community supporting each other's work.

The Present

The Best Invader has been on a bit of a hiatus for a while, and it's not really a secret. As my plotlines became more serious, my comics because more ambitious and polished, so instead I would make one large post every once in a while instead of frequent sketch posts.

In January, I injured my hand and it has still not recovered, meaning that while many of my comics are halfway done, I haven't been able to finish any of them. I still interact and check in with the community from time to time, but things are much slower compared to normal.

The Future

None of this means I have a lack of motivation to continue, though. I have many plans for @the-best-invader in the future, collaborations with other artists that have already been underway for a long time, and storylines I've been plotting out and refining for over a year now.

It might not be soon, the blog will likely be in hiatus for a few more months, but it will come back in the future and it will be glorious. Keep biding your time, and just be patient 💖

Thank you to all the fans as well. Without the community support both from the people running the askblogs and from the people watching, this character wouldn't exist and I would have less friends than I do now. Hope to see you all again soon!

[shy-sapphic-ace]

I want to talk about my day yesterday presenting my pride flag bracelet project at school! :D (if you're not interested feel free to scroll by)

So yesterday at school was the day where the students graduating from my school in my program (International Baccalaureate, or IB) have to present their end-of-year project, that they create themselves and set their own criteria and use to learn new skills and gain new experiences and such. I had all year to work on it with the help of my personal project mentor, my old science teacher who helped me set my schedules and organize my stuff. The presentations lasted the whole day with IB students of the other grade levels coming during the day and in the evening, we presented to our parents, some graduates of the program, and the parents of kids who possibly want to join the IB program at our school.

So my project was to make a total of 315 bracelets with the colours of 21 different pride flags (rainbow, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, aromantic, asexual, aroace, abrosexual, trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender, bigender, trigender, demiboy, demigirl, and demigender) to sell this summer at the pride parade happening in Montreal. All the money I would make is going to Jag, an lgbtqia+ organization. I also sold some bracelets to students at my school on Valentine's Day and I was offering some during the presentations as well. This was my poster:

I got to stand beside my friends for the presentation, so that was fun. Anyway, here are a few nice things that happened during the day:

One of my friends bought like ten bracelets for herself and her friends, and she'd invited over some more of her friends to see her presentation and they bought some too!

One of her friends had a really nice colourful button-up shirt and I wanted to compliment it but I was too shy, but when they asked to buy an asexual bracelet they complimented me on my shirt and my hair!! So I told them I liked their shirt as well.

A bunch of adults (and some students) said while reading my display "wow, I never knew there were so many flags! I only knew about the rainbow one!" and most of them looked genuinely interested to learn about the different flags and their meanings. A lady also told me "oh my gosh, more people should know this! This is important!"

A young kid, maybe 10-11 years old here with his mom, listened to my presentation and told me it was cool, and asked me if I was lgbtq myself. I said yes, lesbian and asexual, and I pointed at the corresponding flags on my display, and he gave me a thumbs-up and said "Awesome! I support you". (Seriously it was so cute)

I got complimented a lot on how nice the bracelets looked, and how much time it must've taken to make them.

There was also this retired teacher who used to work at this school and who always came back for the project fair, the first openly gay teacher in the school and the former leader of the school's Rainbow Alliance Club, who came by to compliment me on my project, he bought two bracelets and gave me five dollars and told me to have a happy Pride this summer.

And there was this really nice old man who came to see my project, listened really attentively when I explained it, asked me questions about the organization the money was going to, and then took me by the shoulder and said "I think it's wonderful that in this generation, you can do a project like this and present it. Back when I was your age, you couldn't do something like this, and it's just amazing that it exists now. Who are we to judge others, right? Good job on the project." and he called his wife over to show her all the bracelets I'd made and she said they were beautiful.

So anyway I had a really god time even though I was exhausted by the end of the day. It was so nice to have people genuinely interested in my project and the pride flags, and I can't wait to sell them at the Pride Parade this summer! (:

[penneferofvenerburg]

Announcement: Project Witcher First Part 1 Nearly Done

@littlefreya @evansabove1981 @elizabetharegina @thewitchersdaily @geralts-yenn @henrycavillfan @henrycavilledits @resowrites @confessionbrain-writings @angryschnauzerwrites etc)

When I started this project I never thought I'd get this far even after our beloved Henry announced he was " laying down his mallidon"! I started this thinking of him when I continue this is a combination of all the effort I've put in to create this story. Though I will say that since Henry's announcement I've never forgot his version of Geralt of Rivera we all know that he is a massive fan of the games and the books.

I do not believe for one minute that Henry wanted things all his own way at all. Yes he has worked hard on The Witcher and I completely disagree with what other people have said about him. I understand that Henry had put a lot of effort into recreating the character from the novels by sapkowski we all know that if he hadn't have given up he would STILL playing Geralt. In my eyes Henry is better Geralt the ratings will go down now that Henry has left many only watched because of their love for him.

I have no doubt that when season 3 finally emerges that we all be there for him as the Cast will be. As for me and Project Witcher I am debating on putting it into two books in one so that when Henners gets the chance to read it yes the book is for him I wanted to do this for him so that he had a way of remembering Geralt I'm sure he will always remember him.

I'm just going to finish with saying this..... We will never forget you Geralt of Rivera played the marvellous Henry Cavill who us a wonderful with a heart of gold.

WE LOVE YOU HENRY!!! 🙂❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

New announcement:

Hooray! We're there part twelve is on it's way.

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NEW ANNOUNCEMENT: PROJECT WITCHER

@henrycavillnews @henrycavilledits Part Nineteen is on the way sadly still in plotting stages but its getting there. We just have keep forging onwards.

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@henrycavillnews @henrycavilledits

Part twenty is done of the book. Hoping by the time its finished I can get o with writing the book plot stages has few more to go but we're slowly but surely getting there.

Thankyou to Henry and Natalie who keep getting me though this every day love you both 🙂😘😘😘😘❤❤❤

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Update: hey guys sorry ibe been able to update you on Project Witcher! Right so here's the news guys I'm now officially on my way to Part 30, page 152 atm.

I want to thank Henry and Natalie both again for keeping me going on this project. Its a a long, hard slog, but it is for them both as much it is primarily for Henry as I know that he is a massive fantasy nerd (we as the Cavillery know his a nerd)

Lots of love @penneferofvenerburg xxxx ♥️♥️♥️♥️

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Update: I'm so sorry that I've haven't updated you on project Witcher.

Currently I'm standing part thirty six page 187

I'd thank my wonderful idols, Henry and Natalie, for both giving me the courage to carry on. Thank you soooo much for your support and encouragement!

[complete-idiot-in-love]

Once Upon a Witchlight: Episode 46 (SPOILERS AHEAD)

This episode was SO DAMN ROUGH, BE WARNED GUYS!! LITERALLY ALMOST CRIED FROM IT FR FR

I'M NEVER GOING TO EMOTIONALLY RECOVER

OH NO, TECHNICAL ISSUES WITH THE BEAN FOOTAGE

Haha Andy and Gary Goodberry! Yes!!

ANDY GOT ROASTED BY GARY

Gary has had four wives confirmed /j

Andy is so gender, like bro give me some fr fr

Hootsie plush is so cute

Andy get off ya phone, Nikkie is DMing /j

Blue roses? Like the ones in Twig’s eyes?

OH FUCK, THERES A JABBERWOCK STATUE

Blue and red roses mixing together? I wonder what that's for

Jabberwocky vs Jabberwock debate, personally I don't care which they say cause it's literally a one letter difference.

These dudes can do either so much in one in-game day or absolutely nothing in one in-game day, no in-between lmao.

“Torbek feels bad about eating all those cookies now” Bro don’t feel bad, she practically force-fed ya like five of ‘em

I love Nikkie’s cool ass leather jacket this episode, girlboss fr fr

Torbek has IBS, that's totally something he'd have with how much of a garbage disposal he is, bro eats rubber hoses, feathers, dirt, literal trash water, basically anything he can get ahold of and expects nothing bad to happen

GRICKO STOP, IF TORBEK PUKES I'M GONNA PUKE FR FR (I HATE PUKING SOUNDS)

Frosty totally is a weird trick or treater, bro gets excited over black licorice and math

Old man frosty needs his glasses to read, such an old man

“This must be what Gricko feels like all the time” BUUUUURRRRRRNNNNN!!!!

Torbek can't read (T-T) I would definitely read to him :(

I bet money that the Vorpal sword is the one Skabatha wrote about in the wanted poster for that “Billy of the feywild” guy

WE NEED A HERSHEY PARK ONESHOT FR FR

Gideon being coaxed to try and rip the sword from the stone is so funny, i'm surprised they didn't call him a bitch lmao

Vandalizing private property is more important to Kremy then the multiple times they've ALL done indecent exposure

Father divorce arc 2: electric boogaloo /j

Torbek drinks water like a dog, bro just sticks his whole face in it

YOOOOOOOO NAT 20 FOR PULLING THE SWORD OUT OF THE FOUNTAIN YEEEEEES

My fire dad is so cool!!

“Im not afraid of this” Famous last words from Gricko considering what i’ve heard happens at the end of the episode

Torbek back at it again with the “alleged” public masturbation charges

Polycule watches Gideon masturbate and have done it before /j these dudes are so dumb, but I love em

My S/I would be grossed out at the idea though

Take “getting head” to a whole new level /j

Andy’s hair is so gender, I wish I had hair half as good as his fr fr

When they all started singing kiss from a rose I legitimately choked on my pomegranate seeds because it caught me so off guard

Gideon ranting about final fantasy is so funny because i can see my S/I being like “What the fuck are you talking about, Gid?”

ANOTHER NAT 20, GIDEON IS REALLY PUTTING THE FIRE IN FIRE GENASI THESE PAST FEW EPISODES

OH GOD, THE FOUNTAIN IS CUMMING ITSELF AFTER LOSING ITS HEAD

PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON GIDEON

“Help me guhlump” Suggestive Kremy + Gideon moment

ANOTHER NAT 20??????? OMFG

Richie doing the “Okay, Okay” to Nikkie is SO DAMN FUNNY, TWINS FR FR

Gricko chasing Torbek around with the Jabberwock head is so family coded

TRY PAINTING THE ROSE ON THE SWORD PURPLE FOR GODS SAKE

I love it when Torbek gets all smart and talks with big words

B&E is a family activity, They all take my S/I for their first crime and end up at an ice cream parlor

Gricko is a good dad, so supportive of Hootsie and all her stuff

Kingdom hearts reference yessss

Torbek once again references Agdon Longscarf again with the whole “Take it from Torbek, you can't get red out of blue” thing

Ooooo, who's the little girl???

SHE'S PLAYING WITH KNIGHTS MADE OF METAL, GLASS, WOOD, CLAY AND BONE!!! THAT'S THEIR THINGS FROM THE BEAN FOOTAGE!!!! ALSO SHE'S HAVING THEM FIGHT A STUFFED JABBERWOCK?? FORESHADOWING???

Ah yes Kremy, insult the mysterious child to her face

SHE'S SO CUTE, I LOVE MORGANA (Persona 5 reference???)

She’s sus tho, why is she in the desert??

Gricko… Hootsie would absolutely destroy the toys, don't let her play w them

Gideon being very brutal to the poor girl >:(

Her grandmother doesn't want her to see the prince anymore??? VERY SUS

Torbek making friends is nice :)

OH MY GOD SHE KILLED GIDEON, HE'S A MARIONETTE TOO

SHE TURNED TORBEK INTO WOODY, WE GOT TWO SOUTHERN MEN NOW

Keep the snake in your pants Torbek, please

OH GOD SHE’S TURNING EVERYONE INTO DIFFERENT THINGS

CHUCKLES IS BACK, YAAAAAAAAA YYY!!!!

Torbek stepped on his “snake” lmao

FROSTY’S A MIME YESS, TWO CLOWNS!! NOW ALL WE NEED IS KREMY TO BE SOMETHING AND THE WHOLE FAM WILL BE TRANSFORMED

Also my S/I would be freaking TF out about everyone being turned into weird things, like three seconds away from a mental breakdown freaked out

Derek is too good at being a mime, bro really has 100+ different skills

KREMY AND GRICKO, STOP BEING MEAN TO THE BABY GIRL

MACHO MAN GIDEON SAVAGE!!

TRANSFORM MY ALLIGATOR DAD MORGANA, MAKE HIM SUFFER

MR. POTATO HEAD KREMY WITH A BROOKLYN ACCENT LMAO

OH FUCK, SHE KILLED CHUCKLES

Kremy shitting out a new mustache and new top hat made me literally choke

PRINCESS GOBLINETTE!!!!

She's changing mime frost, i really liked that one 

Torbek lost his damn snake omfg

If I was also changed, I’d want to be a squishmallow fr fr. I love those fuckin things

FROST IS A KEN DOLL, OMFG SHE'S HAD KENOUGH

YAY BRET’S BACK!!!!

“Let's find out, can you open your ass?” HHSHSHSHSAHAHAHAA YESSS

Bret’s house and Torbek’s “snake” is in Kremy’s house lmao

“It's hiiiiiiiiiiigh time we come up with a plan” OVERWATCH REFERENCE FROM TORBEK??

I love goblinette so much, mikey does such a funny girl voice

Twig has her eyes back!

“Whattya think fellas, we whack grandma?” MOBSTER POTATO KREMY LMAOOOOO

Has Twig always been a puppet??? Or is Morgana just being a lil silly and thinking OUR Twig is HER Twig cause she’s a BROWNIE!!

Gideon and Torbek immediately trying to summon Bullyjugs is so damn funny, fuckin pervs! /j

Torbek being shoulder deep in Kremy’s ass lmao “There ain't no eyeballs in this ass!”

Chaotic polycule fr fr, I love these goofy bitches

IS MORGANA TASHA? NIKKIE SAID “You cannot see that boy anymore Ta- I mean Morgana, you cannot see him!” AND SHE HAS SISTERS LIKE THE FOUR HAGS AND IS THE BABY!!

I really like cowboy Torbek, He is very funny and the accent is really nice

TWIG IS A PERSON, NOBODY OWNS HER >:(

YAY, TWIG IS COMING WITH DA PARTY!

“Make like a tree and get da fuck out of here” HA

OH FUCK, WE’RE IN AN HOURGLASS AND NIKKIE IS USING HER BAVLORNA VOICE (I don’t think its Bavlorna though) WE’RE GONNA GET CRUSHED BY SAND

OH FUCK, THE JABBERWOCK

The Jabberwock figure looks so cool!!!! Whoever painted it did a really good job

NATURAL 20 FOR INITIATIVE FROM GIDEON!! SOMEBODY CHECK HIS DICE FR FR /J

“I'm last with a 13” Nah Andy, I rolled a damn 12 with a +0 so I’M last (I like to roll for shits n giggles uwu)

NAT 20 FOR KREMY ON A DEX SAVE AGAINST THE JABBERWOCK (I rolled a 16)

HOOTSIE GOT A NAT 20 TOO!!!!

38 POINTS OF DAMAGE TO ANYONE WHO GOT A 17 OR LESS??? BRO I’D ALREADY BE DEAD (My constitution is 17 with a modifier of +3, idk if I’d actually be dead but it would be hella funny to imagine I take one attack and boom I’m dead)

I think at max, I’d have 43 health so while alive I’d be VERY HURT (5 health remaining)

FROST AND I ARE ALREADY DEAD AND GRICKO IS CLOSE BEHIND, BRO WE’RE FUCKED

Why the hell does it want the chess pieces????

Good idea using cure wounds on Frost, he’s waaay too OP to let die.

Frost using magic circle on Fey creatures just gives me a funny/sad idea of since satyrs are technically fey creatures, my S/I being left for dead outside the circle with the Jabberwock by accident.

DAD N0000000, GIDEON DIED!!!

TWO AUTO DEATH FAILS FOR GID NOOOOOOO

*Ominous jazz starts playing* I love my alligator dad

“Come get me ya big bitch” Kremy protecting his family!!!

JDDJSJJSDDJ (T-T) TORBEK TRYING TO REASON WITH IT MAKES ME SO SAAAAAD, PROTECT THAT MAN AT ALL COST FR FR

GIDEON FUCKIN DIED

KREMY NOOOOOO, BOTH MY DADS AND I ARE DEAD

GRICKO IS TRYING TO SAVE HIS DAUGHTER AND TELLING HER TO RUN AHAHAAAAAAAA (T-T)

FROST TRYING TO STOP IT AND HE'S CRYING, THE MAN WHO NEVER SHOWS EMOTION IS CRYING

BEATING TORBEK WITH KREMY’S DEAD BODY, WHY NIKKIE WHY???

KREMY FUCKIN DIED, IM SO SAD

TORBEK IS TRYING TO GET GOREBEK OUT TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY, HAHASASHFKSHFN (T-T)

WE’RE ALL SO FUCKED MAN, SO DAMN FUCKED

TORBEK IS DEAD, NOOOOOOO MY GIRLFAILURE BESTIE!!!!

“Torbek burbled in his pants” “I heard they do that” ANDY, GIDEON STOP TALKIN BOUT DEAD PEOPLE SHITTING THEMSELVES

DON’T YOU DARE KILL HOOTSIE NIKKIE, I SWEAR TO THE GODS

GRICKO GOT A NAT 20 BUT NIKKIE DREADED IT

HOOTSIE GOT A NAT 1 AND GOT FUCKIN KILLED, MY HEART NOOOOOO

WE’RE ALL SO DEAD

THE JABBERWOCK KILLED ALL OF US AND TOOK OUR COMMUNICATORS, WHAT A DICK

Nikkie is gonna rip Mace’s iPad in half haha /j

[animebaby00]

Barbeques and Boundaries (Koushi Sugawara x IBS! Reader)

A/N: Hello everyone! I’m back with a new story! Only this time, things are a little bit different. 

So I’m going to share something about myself. Just like the reader within this story, I too, suffer from IBS, and for those who don’t know, it's a condition that affects the stomach and the intestinal tract. Certain foods can cause symptoms such as bloating, cramping, and difficulties using the bathroom. Different types exist such as IBS-D or IBS-C, and sometimes, someone can even suffer from both. 

It's a chronic illness and there is no cure but there are ways to quell its clutches. It occurred to me that I am someone who occasionally searches for fics about a reader who has a chronic illness and I have seen a few requesters on Tumblr and such who make the same requests. But overall, I haven’t found that many so I thought I’d write one myself to recognize those who also suffer from IBS or just chronic illnesses in general. 

I understand if this story isn’t for everyone, but it hits home for me in a lot of ways and I hope I can provide some support and understanding for my fellow individuals who go through the same thing. 

That being said, I hope you all enjoy :)

WARNING: Non-professional medical talk (I did indeed do research while also throwing in some of my own experiences) and sensitive, possibly triggering topics below. 

You loved being the secretary of the Karasuno Boy’s Volleyball Team. 

Sure, you had to take a lot of notes and keep records and create backup strategies which required a lot of deep concentration, but it wasn’t anything to bat an eyelash at. It brought you immense amounts of joy to be around so many fun, bright, wonderful individuals who never ceased to give you a good time. And it was something you deeply appreciated considering that it was your last year to be surrounded by it. 

Being a third year certainly had its perks, but at the same time, it came with aspects that you couldn’t really give a rats ass about. All the talk about “seniority” and “importance”. It meant nothing to you. People were people, no matter if they were a year or two younger than you. You all had goals, aspirations, things you wanted to do. 

You were content with what you had. The friends you had made and the connections you had created. You even had a stable boyfriend who was on the team as well and you absolutely adored him. 

All in all, you were just happy to be a part of the little family that you had all become, and you were a firm believer that family stuck together and told each other everything. 

“When all of these practice matches are over with, apparently the coaches are treating us all to some barbeque!”

Well…for the most part.

As soon as Daichi had said that, you knew there was no way around it. There was no smooth way to teeter-totter around without having to fully explain yourself. So you had no choice but to go along and act like everything was a-ok. 

But we all know that lies come back to bite, and boy oh boy did it bite you hard. 

A painful groan escaped your parted lips as you turned onto your side, a heating pad pressed up against your belly, its temperature on the highest setting.  

It had been a few hours since the barbeque that had put an end to the training camp that Karasuno had been invited to by Nekoma, and you had long retired to your room for the night with the easy excuse that you were just tired. And while that was true…

You made to leave out the part that you were absolutely suffering. 

It had hit you like a bus on your way back to the hotel you were all staying at. The uncomfortable, bloating pressure that occurred whenever you ate something that didn’t agree with you. And since you had just eaten mass amounts of rich proteins smothered in different sauces with a plethora of different vegetables and rice, it was impossible to name the culprit. 

Stupid bowels. Why couldn’t they just show you a bit of mercy? Couldn’t they have just waited to have a flare up when you were at home by yourself? Allow you to spend one, last, nice night with your friends before you head home tomorrow?

No, of course not. Because that would have been too easy. 

Now on your back, you puffed out an exasperated sigh, your left hand smoothing over your bare stomach. Even the soft cotton of your favorite sleepwear had been too restrictive, so you moved to a cropped, loose fitted tank top and your baggiest pair of sweatpants that were sitting as low as possible against your hip bone. 

Maybe you should have just swallowed your pride. Should have told everyone about how sensitive you were to food and how careful you had to be with portions. How you chose not to eat rice or bread as much as the average person because it helped with flare ups and that you always had heating pads and medications with you to help. 

But that little voice in the back of your head told you ‘No. It’s not necessary. They won’t understand. You’ve been fine all this time. What’s a little bit longer?”

Not many people knew about your condition, minus a few VERY close friends and family. Out of everyone on the team, only Kiyoko was aware of the issues you had with food. Knew why you never bought lunch from the cafeteria and why you had brought your own freshly made bentos to school every day since the 7th grade. She had even asked you that day if you would be okay and you brushed it off saying that you’d be fine.

On the bus ride back to the hotel, she had sent you several, worried glances, and it made your heart clench with guilt. 

You were thankful though, dear god you were thankful,  that he didn’t notice. 

But…you almost…wished he did. 

A small part of you wanted him to know. More for your sake than his. Each day that went by made you feel more and more guilty, especially now. 

You should be out there with him, spending time with him and all of your friends. Not cooped up in your room by yourself. You’d be miserable either way, regardless of the choice made,  but you would rather deal with it on your own than have someone ask you if you were okay every five minutes. 

Because explaining yourself didn’t sound too great either. 

“Ugh…” you muttered, half of your face buried in your pillow, “...This sucks.”

A buzz rumbled from your pocket, and you reached your arm downwards to pull your phone out, the screen bright and showing off a recent notification. It was a message. 

Immediately, your insides twisted into a pretzel, further adding to the discomfort once you saw who it was from. 

Suga: Hey baby, are you doing okay? 

You bit your lip.

Crap.

Using your arm, you hoisted yourself up onto your side, grimacing at the ache in your lower abdomen. 

You were well aware that there wasn’t much you could say, because no matter what, Sugawara would constantly check up on you for the duration of the night. Honestly, you thought he would have texted you a lot sooner, but his teammates had probably kept him on his toes ever since you had all gotten back to the hotel. 

Your index finger quickly typed a reply. 

I’m fine. Just tired. These last few days were pretty exhausting. 

Another text came only 30 seconds later. 

Suga: Yeah, I feel you there. But you looked pretty wiped on the bus. Almost like you were sick or something. 

A lump planted itself in your throat. 

So he HAD noticed. 

Another text pinged in your chat. 

Suga: I didn’t want to say anything to worry everyone else…but as soon as you left to go to your room I felt something was up. I would’ve texted sooner, but I had to help Coach give some pointers to Hinata and the others. 

A teeny smile fell onto your face. Called it. 

Don’t worry about it. I just need some rest is all. I’ll be totally fine by tomorrow. Promise. 

Suga: Okay…are you gonna come down for dinner in a bit? They’re serving hot pot tonight. 

Oof. You didn’t even want to THINK about food. And the barbeque had only ended a mere 4 hours ago! How the hell was everyone already hungry? 

It was then that you remembered the events of the last few days. Nonstop practicing, drills, stamina building exercises…

Sports required a lot of energy, and you were dealing with a team of 12 active, boisterous, growing young men so…you supposed it made sense. 

Your fingers typed out another reply. 

I don’t think so…I’m still…full from earlier. Honestly, I probably ate a little too much. I might not eat until tomorrow night ! Lol >.<

You hoped that the somewhat evident playfulness in your text would satiate him a bit. And it’s not like you were completely lying. You very well probably wouldn’t consume anything else until the next day or at least until you felt a bit emptier. 

The area surrounding you was dead silent as you waited for Sugawara to send you another text. 1 minute turned into 5, then 5 into 10. Maybe, just maybe, your silly banter worked and he dropped the topic completely. Or maybe he was dragged off by Daichi or Asahi, too busy to worry about you any further as they all sat down for dinner. 

Bleh. Once again, you grimaced at the throbbing pain in your stomach at the thought of food, hugging the heating pad harder against your skin. You’d probably suffer a bit of a burn later, but it was a small price to pay in comparison to your current predicament. 

Too lazy to pick up your phone again, you lifted your head up and glanced at the clock on the wall. 

6:45 PM.

It had been about 3 hours since you took your last dose of medication to try and help move things along, but you hadn’t had any urge to go and relieve yourself, further proving how royally you screwed yourself over. And that itself created another crappy (no pun intended) possibility.

Trips to the bathroom alllll night long. 

Lucky you.

For the millionth time in the last 5 minutes, you rolled over on your side, now scrunched up in a fetal position. 

You felt like absolute shit, inside and out. And not just physically. Mentally too. It’s not like you wanted to have this problem. To have to lie and make excuses for your own sake. To lock yourself in your room away from everyone because it was too painful to dress decently while simply sitting in a chair or on the floor because it felt like your insides were being pumped up like the tire on a bicycle. 

But…what else could you do? 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

You fiercely wiped at your eyes that had suddenly started overflowing with tears, far too upset to continue thinking about how pathetic you sounded in your own mind. About what the team must be saying about you right now. About…everything.

Since there wasn’t anything else to do, you supposed you could try and sleep. But you doubted it would be an easy feat with the tossing and turning you’d been doing for the last few hours to try and get somewhat comfortable. But sleep would allow the following day to come sooner, and you wanted nothing more than to be able to act somewhat normal again around everyone else. 

With all the strength you could muster, you pulled yourself up from your futon, hissing at the tightness that fell forwards in your gut when the force of gravity hit. Even though they were as low as possible on your waist, your sweatpants still felt like a vice grip. The light pressure of the elastic was still enough to make you uncomfortable, and you made the silent vow to take them off as soon as you were back in bed. 

You slowly sauntered over to the wall where the light switch was and reached your hand out towards it, index finger centimeters away…

When there was a knock at your door. 

You froze in place.

Shit. 

For the next few seconds, you remained still, hoping that whoever it was would assume that you were asleep and would go away so as to not bother you. 

However, your plan was short lived as another round of knocks rumbled from the other side of the door. And you then remembered that there were cracks underneath each one, making it possible for light to emit on the ground from the other side, and since the light in your room was still on…

Shit times two. 

You realized that there was no way out of this, so you did the only thing you could think of. As quickly as you could, you cleaned up the evidence of medication and your heating pad by shoving it all into your tote, then you grabbed an extra blanket and wrapped it fully around your torso, making sure everything was hidden.

Now that you were somewhat satisfied, you allowed your legs to carry you to the door of your room. Grabbing the handle, you pulled, allowing just enough space to open so you could see who was on the other side. 

And when you did, your stomach flipped. 

Light gray hair, pale skin, and kind hazel eyes, the left one accented by a dashing little birthmark that creased when he smiled. 

You swallowed. 

“S-Suga?”

“Hey.” he waved, his lips stretching upwards into a smile at the sight of you, “Can I come in?”

“I…uh…”

Come on come on come on! Say something! Before he notices something’s up! 

“T-totally! Y-yeah! …O-of course.”

Oh my GOD I am so blowing this…

You moved out of the way to allow Sugawara to enter, trying to hide the grimace on your face at both your cringiness and the ebbs of pain that were still dancing throughout your abdomen. Closing the door, you turned back around to find that Suga was making his way now to the small chabudai that sat in the middle of the room next to your futon.

A cold sweat suddenly arose on the back of your neck as you made your way over to him. 

“Not that I uh…mind your company but…what are you doing here? I thought you were having dinner with everyone else.” 

At the sound of your voice, Sugawara looked up at you and smiled softly, a nonchalant hand waving off to the side. 

“I was.” he answered simply, moving his body to sit, “But when I saw your text I got worried so I wanted to come and make sure you were okay.”

“I-I see…”

Of course he did. Because Sugawara wouldn't be Sugawara if he didn't.

You lowered yourself down to sit across from him, and your eyes caught sight of a white bag at his side, a red logo marked and crinkled across the front, closed off to the point where you couldn't make out anything inside. 

“What’s with the bag?” you inquired, and Sugawara merely grinned and lifted it up so that it was now on top of the chabudai. 

“Nothing much really…actually it caught me by surprise, but there’s a small convenience store on the bottom floor. Hot pot sounded a little too heavy so I grabbed a few things to snack on instead, along with some other things.” 

You watched quietly as Sugawara pulled what looked to be a package of onigiri from the bag, along with 2 bottles of barley tea. He stopped his actions, hand still in the bag, and looked over at you.

“Is your stomach still bothering you?”

You flinched a bit. 

Of all the topics to bring up. But you couldn’t stay silent, so instead, you nodded. 

“Yeah...a little bit.”

Understatement.

But as soon as you said that, Suga’s face lit up even more, and you quietly watched as he rummaged about in the bag. 

“I had a feeling.” he chirped happily, “ I wasn’t sure if you had anything but I didn’t want to call you and defeat the purpose. So I just thought I would grab a few things to help.”

One by one, he pulled a few different objects out from their confines, holding each one up for you to see. 

“We have some acid reducers, indigestion tablets, ginger tea, and I even picked up some instant rice porridge and miso soup for you. I know you aren’t very hungry now, but you should try and eat something light when you can.” 

The ball of anxiety in your stomach only continued to grow the more Sugawara talked. He had gone to all this trouble to make you feel better. Had taken time away from his team to come and check on you…

And you didn’t have the gall to tell him that none of it would do any good. 

“Y/N? Are you alright?” 

“W-what?”

It didn’t register that Sugawara had stopped talking. Not only that, but he had moved significantly closer to you. His hand was now resting on your thigh, and the other was slowly moving to lay against your forehead. You were totally frozen as he swept your bangs to the side, his finger soft and chilled against your flushed skin. 

“You feel warm,” he noted, the smile on his face disappearing, “You don’t have a fever do you?”

Sighing, you shook your head, both of your hands coming up to cup his palm in between your own, causing the blanket that had been around your shoulders to fall to the floor.

It was at that moment you decided that enough was enough.

“No…I don’t. And I don’t have an upset stomach either…not in the way you think, that is.”

Sugawara blinked.

“What do you mean?" 

Biting your lip, you looked him in the eye, the utmost sincerity floating in your E/C orbs. 

“Listen…I appreciate you coming here to try and help. And I can’t begin to tell you how sweet and thoughtful you are. But…none of this stuff is going to help me.”

Here goes…

“I’ve been…keeping something from you…for awhile. And I’ve wanted to tell you for the longest time but I wasn’t sure how. It’s not exactly the easiest thing to explain nor is it the easiest thing to deal with but…I can’t hide it from you anymore.”

And thus, you told him everything, including a full description about what IBS actually was. 

Your first experiences with it, what it can do to your body, what you did to try and quell it. How you didn’t exactly have to refrain from eating certain foods, but you knew what could happen as a result if something didn’t agree with you so you were always careful. How it made you nervous in larger gatherings and stumped your social life. You explained the medications you took, your methods of care, and what a flare up was.

And he caught on just like you thought he would.

“So when you went to your room to rest tonight” he said slowly, “You were actually…?”

“Having a flare up?” you finished, “Yeah…that’s right.”

“And…on the bus?”

“Mmhm…that’s when it started.”

Pressing his lips together, Sugawara looked downwards at your midsection, and you could see the resentment dancing in his eyes. With a fond smile, you moved to wrap your arms around his torso, nose burying itself in his hair. Hands made their way up your back, and you hummed as Sugawara pulled you close to him, and you had to make a note at how carefully he was holding you, as if any form of strength would cause you pain. 

He was seriously too considerate for words. 

“Hey, don’t go beating yourself up over this.” you urged softly, “ I’ll be okay.”

“I know.” he whispered, his thumb delicately stroking your back, “But I wish there was something I could do. I can’t begin to imagine how uncomfortable you must be right now…”

Moving his hands to your shoulders, he gently pushed you back, his pretty hazel eyes burning with the desire to assist. 

“Is there anything else you usually do to…you know…help get things moving? Anything at all?”

“Not really…” you murmured,“...I mean there’s…one way… but I don’t think you-”

“What is it?” he butted in, but you only frowned and shook your head. 

“No, no, really...it’s fine.” You looked shamefully off to the side, your voice growing quiet, “It might not even work anyways  N-not to mention it's kinda…gross…”

It wasn’t too long after you said that before you felt the grip on your shoulders loosen, and a new sensation of fingers under your chin took its place. Your head was guided forwards once more, leaving you with no choice but to become locked in Sugawara’s gaze, his expression an odd combination of sweet and confused. 

“I could never be grossed out by you.” he whispered, “ Never in a million years. Besides, isn't it kind of biased for you to say that when I don’t even know what it is?”

You pressed your lips together “I-” 

“Y/N, I WANT to help you.” he stated firmly, “ After hearing all of this, there is no way I’m just going to leave you as you are without doing anything. That’s not the kind of person I am. Right now, you are my top priority. Nothing else. And now that the situation is out in the open, I want to address it however I can. So please…”

With the hand that wasn’t under your chin, he moved it so that it rested on his chest, directly over his heart. 

“What can I do to help you?”

You were hesitant for a moment, but Sugawara’s calm expression and thoughtful words made any remaining nervousness you had ebb away. 

And then, your resolve was clear.

You looked at the hand on his chest and gently grabbed it, your fingers soft around his own. 

“Here,” you tugged, “Let’s go over to the futon. It’ll be… easier for me to explain if I’m lying down.”

(A/N: yesyesyes ik. it sounds suspicious. but it's not going where you think it’s going so no gutter brain here okie?)

Sugawara nodded and followed your lead, and after only a couple dozen seconds, you were laid out before him with him sitting criss-cross applesauce at your side, eyeing your every move. 

“Okay so I left something out earlier.” you started, “But I have this massager thingy at my house. People usually use it for their backs and shoulders, but I thought that maybe it would be useful for me to have whenever something like this happens. And it usually helps relieve the pressure a bit.”

“Oh, then that’s perfect then!” Sugawara clapped his hands together, “Where is it? I can get it for you.”

“That’s the thing…” scratching the side of your face, you sheepishly looked off to the side, “ I uh…sort of…forgot it. I was so focused on getting to the bus on time that I totally spaced on packing it. W-which leads me to…what I was actually going to ask.”

Looking downwards at your sprawled out body, you slowly peeled your shirt off your skin, and you didn’t miss the way Sugawara's eyes widened upon the exposure of your midsection. It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen it before, nor did it bother him to see it. It was just your stomach.

But it was the state of it that shocked him. 

He was able to decipher the difference immediately, as he was aware of how it usually looked. But from how you had described what the effects of a flare up could do to you, it was clear that you hadn’t sugar coated it at all. 

There was an obvious bloat across the area of your exposed skin, traveling from your lower belly all the way up to your ribcage, rounding out the area much more than usual. It almost looked like there was a balloon residing under your skin, expanding and shrinking with every inhale and exhale of your body without fully going away. 

And then he noticed the sweatpants. You had worn them a number of times before and he had remembered them being rather loose on your frame. But now, they seemed to be squeezing you, supplying you probably little to no comfort.

“Oh Y/N…” he whispered.

“Yeah…it's not too pleasant.” you grimaced, “ Laying down it pretty much the best position for me to be in. Standing or sitting makes it worse.”

Sugawara frowned. He couldn’t imagine how much you had gone through with this. And it was all because of a mere sensitivity to food. 

For him, food was a necessity. He gained stamina and muscle from the things he ate and it only helped in the long run. The barbeque for him and everyone else that day had been a godsend. A gift for the body of an athlete. 

And all it had done for you was made you miserable.

According to you, IBS didn’t have a cure. It was a trial and error thing with minimal assists. But he was going to do whatever he could to help, no matter what it was. 

“So what is it that you need me to do?” he asked gently, “I’m all ears.”

Swallowing back a bit of self conscientiousness, you brought a hand up to your tummy and began tracing dainty shapes across your skin. Sugawara’s eyes followed your movements. 

“S-since I don’t have the massager, usually the hands are the next best option. Thing is…it’s not always effective when I do it. Y’know how a foot rub or anything that creates bodily comfort usually feels and works better when someone else does it? S-same case here so…”

Biting your lip, you gestured to Sugawara’s hand that was resting on the floor by your hip.

“D-do you think, “ you stuttered, your face blossoming into a shy crimson, “You could...r-rub my stomach for me?

It was silent for a moment, and you looked off to the side, thinking that maybe you had crossed the line. Afterall, it was an odd request, one that you didn’t deem as normal, especially in your condition. 

But then, you felt a shift beside you, and you turned your head back to see that Sugawara had laid himself down next to you, head propped up on a folded elbow while his other hand rested atop yours that had stopped above your belly button. 

His head was right next to your, nose almost in your hair, and you felt your heart skip a beat when he pressed a warm, gentle kiss to your temple. 

“Of course I can,” he murmured.

“A-are you sure…?”

“Absolutely.” he squeezed your hand softly, “ Though make sure you tell me if I’m hurting you okay? The last thing I want is for you to end up in more pain. So if you’re uncomfortable at any time, don’t feel afraid to speak up.”

At your boyfriend's kind words, you could feel your chest grow tight. You knew he was sweet, selfless, and he did things for other people even if it inconvenienced him (unless it was total bullshit which he never hesitated to call out). And you appreciated him for it. 

But for some reason, his decision to help you increased that appreciation more than ever to the point of where you could feel tears of gratitude pooling at the edge of your eyes. 

After another kiss, this time to your cheek, Sugawara shooed away your hand with careful fingers so that only his was left sitting atop your tummy. He started off by gently pressing his fingers into your abdomen, moving and checking to see which areas were more bloated in comparison to the others. Then, he switched to his palm, fingers folded slightly inwards, and pushed in a downwards direction, starting from right under your ribcage. 

There was an immediate sense of relief, for you could practically feel the sudden shift of pressure moving and breaking apart within your stomach and intestines. Which of course led to the part you were dreading. 

The sounds. 

With each press of Sugawara’s hand came the odd, but oh so familiar sounds that you had come to know. It was difficult to explain. Something along the lines of a bubble popping. But a thick one, like it had been coated in mud or wet cement. Gurgly, gaseous, wet pockets of something you couldn’t describe. 

And it was humiliating. 

But, for some reason…he didn’t stop. 

Through shameful, lidded eyes, you watched as Sugawara continued rubbing your tummy without a care in the world. His brow was creased and focused on a task so simple, making sure that he didn’t cause you any additional discomfort. And you could’ve sworn you saw his gaze soften painfully with each orchestrated syllable your gut decided to emit. 

“Suga…really…y-you don’t-”

A finger fell to your lips, shutting you up entirely, and Sugawara’s voice flowed like honey through your ears. 

“It’s okay…” he reassured, “Just try to relax. I’ve got you.”

For as long as you could remember, relaxing during a flare up was hard. 

You were always on edge, preparing for discomfort, preparing for pain, and when it came, it was a rodeo of what would work and what wouldn’t. Doing things yourself to try and make yourself feel better, putting in effort after effort, then becoming upset when nothing helped the way you wanted it to. 

But now…you had help. You had someone who was willing to take care of you. Someone who accepted the truth and jumped in without question. 

So finally, you stopped fighting it, and allowed yourself to lay back as Sugawara’s soft hands gently kneaded at your abdomen. 

He worked diligently, quietly, minus the few times he checked in to make sure he wasn’t hurting you, to which you replied ‘no’ to every, single time. 

As the minutes went by, you could feel a difference. The pressure pent up in your gut was slowly dissipating, growing to be more bearable with each gentle push of Sugawara’s hand. Of course, that didn’t go without more discomforting noises, but Sugawara never said a word. Instead, he gifted you with kisses and soft hushes in your whimpers of dread, signaling to you that there wasn’t any need to feel the way that you did. 

You weren’t aware of how much time had passed before Sugawara sat up, his hand leaving your tummy to wrap around your shoulder while the other grasped your hand.

“How do you feel?” he asked gently, helping you sit up, “Any better?’

“Oh, yes.” you breathed out, “Much, much, better…”

“Are you sure? You’re not hurting?”

You nodded, hand ghosting over your stomach. 

“I still ache a bit, but it'll go away by tomorrow. There’s only so much you can do, but it still feels a lot better than it did.”

Now sitting up fully, you looked down at Sugawara’s hand that was still encompassed around yours and gave it a squeeze. 

“Thank you, Suga,” you whispered, “I mean it…and not just for this but…for everything. For listening and understanding and…for accepting me. You don’t know much it means to me.”

Sugawara smiled, and you fell into the palm he placed against your cheek. 

‘It’s no problem at all.” he assured, “Besides, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t help you out? The last thing I want is to be considered a jerk.”

“I don’t think you could be a jerk even if you tried.”

“My team sometimes begs to differ.”

“Please, that’s just them whining because you’re typically always right.” 

“Well aren’t you sweet?”

“I try.”

Amidst your innocence banter, Sugawara snickered and you followed suit, the both of you breaking into a fit of giggles. 

It was a refreshing turn of events after the evening you had. A much needed break, and it honestly made you feel a little bit lighter.

And dare you even say…braver. 

“Speaking of the team,” you said, voice a little raspy from laughing, “I think it’s about time that I tell them, too. About my IBS I mean. It’s not fair that they’ve told me so much while I’ve been sitting here hiding away.”

Sugawara nodded, “Well that’s your call to make. But rest assured. I’m positive they’ll think of you the same way as they did before. And I hope you know that it's the same with me.”

With the hand that was once around your shoulders, Sugawara moved to cup your cheek once more, thumb dancing on your soft skin. 

“It doesn’t matter what ailment you have or what your differences are. If you have to eat a bit differently than others or take medications. It doesn’t matter so long as you take care of yourself and stay healthy in the way that benefits you. Because in the end, you’ll always be the Y/N we know and care about.”

You laughed breathily, hot tears of relief falling in rivulets down your cheeks. Unable to control yourself, you flung yourself into Sugawara’s chest, hugging him close to you, to which he returned by squeezing your waist. .   

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” you whispered. 

“I can recall a few times,” he teased,  “But most of the time its been during a match over a screaming crowd.”

“Hm…guess I’ll have to fix that then.’

Pulling back a bit, you looked up, transfixed at the sight of the dashing smile that had strung itself onto your boyfriend’s face.

An urge pushed you forwards and you soon found your lips on his, blissful, sweet, and an easy convey of those words that were pulsating within your heart. 

“I love you Sugawara…and thank you.”

“Your illness does not define you. Your strength and courage does.” - Unknown

[joonie-beanie]

The Demon Brothers + College AU + (Cliche?) First Meetings

So an anon sent me the above ask, and it may have gotten a little out of hand ;;;

I also kind of switched it up and made it college instead. Hopefully the meetings I came up with are still somewhat cliche! Or, at the very least, cute lol

Lucifer:

You’re running late for class on the first day of the semester and he holds the elevator door open for you when he sees the desperate look on your face, and how you’re making a dash for the closing doors.

“Thank you,” you breathe out as you try to get ahold of yourself, hoping that the tall, handsome male beside you doesn’t see or hear the way you’re struggling for air. (It’s 8am, okay? Your body isn’t ready to be running so early.)

“Which floor do you need?” he asks, smiling politely. You respond “four”, and he hums to himself while hitting the button.

When he doesn’t press a different button, you assume he’s heading to the same floor.

“Thanks, by the way,” you say, flashing him a small smile. “You really saved my ass.”

“No thanks needed,” he responds, gaze shifting to look at the small screen above the door. The second floor moves past with a quiet beep. Silence falls for a couple of seconds.

“May I ask what class you’re heading to?”

“Ah, it’s a psychology lab,” you respond, laughing to yourself after a beat. You pull your phone from your pocket, trying to find the screenshot you’d taken of your schedule. “I signed up for this one because Rate My Professor said the TA is hot.”

“Oh? Is that so?” You’re not paying attention, so you don’t see the smirk that tugs at his lips.

The next moment, the elevator stops and the two of you step out together. You exit first, flashing the male one last smile before you turn your attention to your phone, double checking the room number. Lucifer brushes past you without saying a word, and you don’t realize that you’re headed in the same direction until you glance up, and find him holding the classroom door open for you.

“After you,” he says, and while you’re confused, you dip your head in thanks and make your way in. Since you’re one of the last ones in the classroom, you get stuck sitting in the front row.

As you unpack your things, Lucifer steps to the head of the room and sets his computer bag down onto the desk.

“Good morning, class,” he says, his gaze shifting to you when you look up and see that it’s him who is speaking--a vibrant blush rising to your face as you recall what you’d told him in the elevator.

“My name is Lucifer, and I will be the TA for this lab.”

Mammon:

You’re in the large, open eating area at the campus student union when he bumps into you.

Instantly, the greasy, cheesy pizza on your tray jumps up and lands on the front of your shirt. You freeze in shock, wide eyes glancing down as the personal pizza slides down your chest before flopping back onto the tray.

“Oi, watch where you’re going,” a voice says behind you, and you slowly turn around to face the apparently dumbass man who doesn’t even have the sensibility to apologize to you.

Despite that fact that he sounds pompous, you can’t deny that his styled white hair, and pierced ears are kind of charming.

“You backed into me,” you tell him, attempting to keep your calm. You almost lose it when you see his eyes rake down to your chest, staring at the likely un-washable stain on the fabric. He stares much too long, and you’re just about to curse at him when he speaks up again.

“Uhhh...,” he raises a hand to sheepishly rub at his neck, and when you look closely, you see that a blush has spread across his face. “Y-ya know what, maybe it is my fault...can I, um, buy ya another pizza?”

You blink, surprised at the sudden turn around in his attitude.

“That would be nice,” you say honestly, and suddenly he’s smiling, hopping back into the pizza line, which is right beside where the two of you had collided.

“I-If ya want, I’ll lend you my jacket because of, ya know, your shirt,” he says, motioning to your obviously ruined top. You cock an eyebrow at him. 

“You’d give a stranger your jacket?”

 “Well...I’m kind of hoping that you’ll have lunch with me, and we won’t be strangers for long,” he mumbles, gaze shying away. “Or, ya know, that I can get your number at least.”

“You’re really pushing it,” you tell him with a laugh, and you can see his feathers ruffle. He’s obviously embarrassed at you calling out his flirting. “But...maybe we can eat lunch together. Since you’re paying.”

He blinks, shocked at your words, but soon breaks into a smile. Self-satisfied, he continues grinning stupidly even as the cashier calls him up. However, when he pulls out his wallet, swipes his card, and it comes back denied...

“Uhh...can you pay this time? I PROMISE I’ll pay you back.”

You sigh, and debate throttling him.

Levi:

You sit next to him in a lecture hall, and can’t help but notice that the background on his laptop is Sailor Moon. 

When you reach down to dig a notebook out of your bag, you also see the number of anime and video game pins decorating the front of his backpack.

While you don’t tend to talk to strangers, you can’t help but say something.

“Hey, um,” you start, catching his attention. He freezes, amber eyes shifting to look at you--wide with surprise. You smile, doing your best to come off as casual, and friendly. “I noticed all the pins on your backpack. Do you like anime? I started watching Demon Slayer the other week, and I’m in love with it.”

“I...you...,” his surprise shifts to wonder as he regards you. The slightest blush rises on his cheeks. “You watch anime???”

“Yeah,” you laugh. “Is that so weird?”

“N-no, I guess not,” he mumbles, his hands fiddling with the cuffs of his hoodie. You wonder if you’ve made a mistake by talking to him, since he seems so shy--

“Do you play video games too??” he breaks you out of your thoughts as he scoots forward, eyes sparkling. He’s whispering hurriedly, eyes briefly straying to glance at the time on his laptop. “I recently started playing Doki Doki Literature club, and it’s crazy. I love RPG games, and Indie games too--like IB, and Mad Father. Witches House is also good. Of course, I’ll give pretty much any video game a chance, but--”

At that moment, the professor steps up and addresses the class. Levi’s words cut off, and his blush deepens as he suddenly realizes that he’d gone on a mini fanboy rant. However, you just smile at him, hoping that you come off reassuring, and turn to your notebook.

During the lecture, you’re too busy taking notes to notice the way he sneaks glances your way. And when the class finally ends, and you move to repack your belongings, you look up to find him staring at you.

“Is something on your mind?” you ask him. 

“I...um...I-I was wondering if I could get your contact info. You know...f-for class stuff, and maybe, if..if you wanted to, we could also talk more about anime…?”

“Sure!” you say, and he blinks, apparently shocked by your willingness. The two of you proceed to exchange emails and phone numbers, and by the time you arrive at your next class 15 minutes later, 6 new text messages (about anime, video games, and the like) from Levi are lighting up your phone screen.

Satan:

He’s volunteering at the library when you approach him, desperate for help finding a textbook you need to scan for a class. You’ve looked everywhere, but still can’t find it.

“You do realize that this code is indicating that this textbook is online, right? Not physically in the library?” he asks you, a bit of amusement swimming in his eyes when he hands your phone back to you--the screen open to an email your professor had sent a few days before.

You feel heat rise on your cheeks. “Ah, nope. Did not realize...”

“It happens often, actually. I’m sorry for teasing, I shouldn’t have” he says, smiling at you. “If you want, you can come around the desk, and I’ll show you how to access the textbook online. That way, you won’t be confused next time.”

“Thank you,” you sigh, scooting your way around the desk. Satan pulls up a spare chair beside him, and your knee accidentally knocks against his as you take a seat. 

“Here, you just have to search for it in the library portal,” he says, and you attentively watch as he guides you through the online website. However, when he starts going off into a spiel on all of the other cool resources and books available to students online, your attention strays.

You notice the copy of Jane Eyre open on the desk beside the computer. 

“Are you reading a book that’s assigned in high school AP Lit?”

He blinks in confusion, but immediately goes on the defense when he notices where you’re looking.

“Hey, Jane Eyre is a classic. And the help desk is far too slow some days. I need something to keep me busy.”

“Hmm, I guess that’s fair,” you respond, smiling. You move to grab your bag--pressing to your feet. “I can’t blame you either, considering I actually enjoyed reading it once upon a time. The Great Gatsby was probably my next favorite.”

“Personally, out of all the high school literature, I enjoyed Fahrenheit 451,” he responds, grinning when he sees the disgruntled look on your face at hearing the name of the book.

“Really?? I still have no idea what it was about.”

He’s quiet for a moment. You turn to look at him, and find him regarding you with interest. 

Satan smiles.

“Can I buy you a coffee?”

Asmo:

Asmo is working a booth about safe sex in the student union when you approach, hoping to get free condoms (or maybe even donate to support the organization, considering it’s a good cause).

“Well, hello there, gorgeous,” he says, smiling at you as you survey the goodies and pamphlets laid out on the table. He comes off as a little flirty, but mostly friendly, and well intentioned. “Are you here to buy one of our prettily shaped chocolates?”

He motions to the cup full of vagina-shaped chocolates on a stick. Your eyebrows raise. Huh.

“Well, that’s not why I stopped, but I may need to buy one now,” you laugh, making him smile. Asmo leans forward onto his elbows, his eyes twinkling up at you.

“Are you here for the condoms then? If so, feel free to take a handful. We have a ton prepared. People on this campus fuck like bunnies, honestly.”

You laugh. “Oh? Well, good on you guys for protecting all of the precious, needy students.”

He nods sagely, moving to gather you a few of the wrapped condoms, along with some educational reading material. “Can’t have a bunch of students getting diseases, or pregnant. Sex should be fun and safe. Always! And if it’s not both, then find someone else to fuck.” 

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” you say, smiling as he hands you your free goodies. Your eyes stray back to the vagina chocolates. “How much for one of those?”

“5 dollars,” he says, reaching over to grab one. “Pricey, I know, but the money goes to a good cause.”

“I don’t doubt it,” you laugh, pulling a 5 from your wallet. The two of you exchange items, and you pocket the chocolate. You flash him one last smile, intending to walk away, but he pipes up before you get too far.

“By the way, we’re having a class on BDSM safety tonight~” You pause at his words, turning to face him, and he grins at the look of interest plain on your face. “In case you’re interested.”

“Are you...implying something?” you ask, posing a hand on your hip as you turn to face him. He cocks his head to the side innocently.

“I would never~ But you’ve left a good impression in the two minutes we’ve known each other, and I’m the one teaching the class, so~ I’d be thrilled to see you there.”

You raise an eyebrow, surprised, but amused as well. “Maybe I’ll see you tonight.”

With that, you turn on your heel and head to class. But you definitely end up attending the class that night.

Beel:

You meet during a 1-credit, weekend Yoga class. He puts his mat down next to yours, and you can’t help but stare at his biceps, and triceps, and...wow he’s really built.

Aside from that, though, he looks pretty concerned.

“Have you never done yoga before?” you ask him, smiling politely. Having caught his attention, he turns to look at you--the same adorable frown pulling at his lips.

“No...I like to work out, but I’ve never done yoga...I’m not very flexible.” You watch him as he demonstrations by sticking his legs out and trying to touch his toes. His fingertips only reach halfway down his calves.

“It’s okay!” you tell him. “I’m pretty new to yoga too! And this is just an intro course, so I wouldn’t worry. Most of the grade comes from knowing technical terms, and I’ve heard this instructor is really nice.”

At that, he finally smiles--relieved to hear you say so.

“I’m Beel, by the way,” he says.

“Y/N,” you respond, but before the two of you get the chance to talk more, the instructor arrives. You then spend the next few hours smiling to yourself as you watch Beel struggle to get into poses. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind that you’re getting humor out of his situation.

“Did you not eat today?” you ask him when lunch finally rolls around, flopping back against your mat. He shakes his head, rummaging around in his bag. You can hear his stomach growling.

“I had an extra large breakfast since I knew I would be burning calories, but I’m starving now…” He pulls an entire sub from his bag, and when you catch a peek at the inside, you realize that the entire backpack is stuffed with only food. Holy shit.

But...you suppose he does need to eat a lot, if he works out a lot.

“I’m gonna grab a soda, and I’ll be back,” you say quietly, assuming that you’ll be eating lunch together, since he’s already turning to face your mat. 

“Okay,” he says with a smile, and you smile back at him, excited to get to know him more. However, before you can even get a step away,  you’re tripping over your backpack

The world spins, and you hold your arms in front of you--expecting to eat shit--but you don’t meet the floor. Two arms curl beneath you and your body rolls--your ass landing between folded legs.

You blink in surprise, blushing when you glance up and find that it’s none other than Beel who is holding you. Concern is written on his face. He doesn’t seem the least bit concerned that you’re currently occupying his lap.

“Are you okay?” he asks, not moving to release you, and oh boy you think your heart may beat straight out of your chest.

Belphie:

You meet him in the library computer lab at 11:48pm, on the last day of finals.

You trudge into the computer lab, bordering on going blind. You’ve spent the last 6 hours writing out your term paper, and had felt pretty fucking proud when you’d finished with a whole 30 minutes to spare, but just as you’d gone to submit the paper online, your apartment wi-fi had cut out

Of course.

So, you pop a squat at one of the many computers--not even realizing that someone else is in the lab until you hear a quiet snore.

Immediately, you’re pausing, standing to glance around the room. A few computers down, sitting parallel to you, is a dark haired male, with his head down on the keyboard.

Honestly, you debate not waking him. He probably needs the rest, but as a fellow student, and considering it’s the last day of finals? You can’t just leave him be in good conscience.

“Hey, uh, dude?” you call out, glancing at him from over the row of computers. He doesn’t stir. “Heyyyy~ It’s almost midnight,” you say a bit louder. “I don’t know if you’re writing something, but you better submit it.”

Finally, he stirs.

“Aw, fuck,” you hear him grumble, and he lifts his head up--his tired gaze turning to look at you. He sighs. “Thanks. You probably just saved my ass.”

“No worries,” you respond, laughing a little. You sit back down in your seat, and put in your credentials....only for the computer to indicate that you’ve put in the wrong password.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you say, deadpanning, and try another password. Then another, and another. None of them work, and you don’t have enough time left to change it.

“I’m gonna fucking jump off the roof,” you deadpan, holding your face in your hands. Belphie chuckles.

“Something wrong?”

“I guess I don’t know my computer password, so I can’t log in and submit my paper.” You say, glancing up. This time, it’s Belphie who is glancing over the row of monitors at you, eyebrow raised.

“You can come use mine. I just submitted my paper. Just log into the school site with your ID.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” you sigh, and Belphie scoots his chair over as you walk around the aisle to meet him. Again, he laughs.

“Eye for an eye.”

“That’s...you use that phrase with enemies,” you tell him, unable to help the smile that spreads across your face. He blinks, and then groans.

“Fuck, you’re right. I’m still asleep. Just...forget I said that.”

“Actually, I think I’ll remember it forever,” you respond, and he grins, his eyes shifting to look at the keyboard as you type out your password.

“Okay, OppaiLover69 exclamation point.”

You feel your cheeks heat up, and when you see the shit-eating look at his face, you debate throwing hands. He’s lucky he’s cute.

[circus4apsycho8]

lemon drops. | ii | ib ~ garry x reader

chapter i here.

~ two ~

Rest assured your name will be spelled correctly in my contacts :)

It’s you! I’m glad to hear it.

Idk if you’ll be free but I was going to stop by the coffee shop again today

After my classes. Thinking about talking a walk or something after

I can certainly make another stop there

A walk? Any particular trail in mind?

Not really. I’ll probably just stroll through town

I like the sound of that. What time are you done with your classes?

A smile appears on your lips as you sort the details of your next meetup with Garry out. That turned out pretty well, despite the fact you had been a little nervous to text him. In any case, you hop off of your bed, noting that it’s time for you to get ready for class.

With that thought in mind, you mindlessly proceed throughout your morning routine. After your belongings are in hand, you open the door to your room before stepping out into the hallway. As you gently pull it shut, the sound of small footsteps catches your attention.

“Morning!” your little sister greets, grinning widely as you bend down to give her a hug.

“Hey, Ib. Did you sleep well?”

“I did! Did you?”

“I slept well enough,” you reply, listening to her as the two of you start making your way downstairs.

“That’s good. I had a really weird dream.”

“Oh? Do you remember what it was about?”

“Kind of,” she answers as the two of you reach the bottom of the staircase, both turning towards the kitchen. “I just remember a scary-looking face. It was blue and had weird eyes and a creepy smile.”

“That sound scary,” you mumble, ruffling her hair a little bit. “I’m sorry you had to dream about that.”

“Thanks, but it wasn’t that bad. I just hope I don’t have to dream about it again.”

“Hopefully you won’t have to,” you say, spying your parents in the living room. “Good morning.”

They look up, both sending you a smile. “Morning girls. Sleep well?”

“I did. Ib said she had a nightmare, though.”

“Oh no! What was it about?” your mom asks, shifting her gaze to Ib.

“A creepy doll or something…it just kept staring at me.”

“Well, it can’t hurt you now,” you dad adds, smiling softly. You nod, about to say something when you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. A glance at the screen reveals that it’s a message from Garry:

Look at what I found!!

Attached is a picture of a chunky little groundhog peacefully nibbling on a patch of grass. You giggle quietly, typing a quick response:

Oh, that’s so cute!

“What’re you giggling at?” questions your father, taking a sip from his coffee as he eyes you.

“Oh, a friend just sent me a meme,” you reply, slipping your phone back into your pocket.

“I see.”

“Well, we hope you both have a great day. Take snacks if you need them, and be careful on your way there and back!”

“We will, Mom. Love you guys!”

“We love you too. Stay safe!”

…

The day drags on as normal once you drop Ib off at her school. Every class had been filled with you impatiently checking the time every so often. With every passing minute, you grew more and more excited about your upcoming meeting with Garry.

Since you get out earlier than Ib does today, that means you can walk with Garry before you pick her up. You have about two hours before that rolls around, and Garry should be at the coffee shop by the time you arrive.

As soon as your last class ends, you gather your belongings quickly before exiting. You mentally groan when you see that the elevator already has a line of people waiting for its ascent, so you decide to take the stairs again.

Thankfully, the light spring in your step makes the descent a bit easier to bear this time around. You’re on the ground floor before you know it.

Once more, the cool breeze envelopes your skin the moment you step outside. A soft smiles lines your lips as you pull out your phone, opening your messages app:

Hey Garry! I’m on my way now, I should be there in about five minutes or so

I’ll be waiting :)

“Nice,” you mumble as you read the message, stuffing your phone back in your pocket afterwards. The walk this time around seems much shorter than it was yesterday. Not that you’re complaining, because it seems like forever since you’ve wanted to talk to someone like this.

Soon enough, you find yourself in front of the café again. You push the door open, glancing inside to find Garry sitting at the same spot, phone in hand.

“Garry!”

He turns before smiling, standing up as you make your way over to him.

“Hello there!” he greets.

“Hey,” you respond. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well, and how about yourself?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” You really like how he’s so well-mannered, and actually enunciates his words. It sends a fluttery feeling to your stomach – one that feels almost nostalgic in an odd way.

“I decided it would be better if we ordered together, since we’re walking,” he says as the two of you approach the counter.

“Oh, thank you.”

“Of course.”

With that, the two of you place your orders before waiting at the end of the counter again. The silence between the two of you is comfortable, thankfully. You’re still excited, but part of you is growing a bit nervous now.

You dart from thought to thought for a few minutes before the barista slides your drinks onto the counter, smiling at the two of you. You realize it’s the same one that served you yesterday.

“Hey guys! Good to see you again. Sorry about the mix-up yesterday.”

“That’s quite all right,” Garry replies. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it!” you add, picking up your drink. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome. Have a great day, guys.”

“You too!”

With that, the two of you swiftly exit the coffee shop, prepared for the walk.

You notice Garry has gone silent, staring ahead distantly. You follow his gaze, only to see that the old art gallery is the subject of his attention.

“Ever been in there?” you question.

“I visited it once, almost a year or so ago,” he comments, frowning.

“Funny. I went around a year ago too,” you say. Could that have been where you saw him?

“Interesting. Perhaps that’s where we saw each other?”

“It could be,” you note. “Wait. My sister went too. Maybe she’d recognize you, since she was with me that day?”

“Oh, maybe!”

“You should come with me when I go to pick her up from school, then. Her memory is way better than mine.”

He laughs a little, closing his eye as he does so. It makes you wonder why he hides his other eye behind his hair. “How long do you have until then?”

“A little under two hours,” you say, stepping a little closer to Garry in order to give passing people more room to walk. The two of you are still outside of the coffee shop, studying the art gallery intently.

“Ah, plenty of time.”

“Yeah. So, which way should we go?”

“I say we begin by heading right. From there, we can just go where the wind takes us.”

“I like the sound of that,” you say as the two of you start walking.

From there, you both fall into another comfortable silence. It seems to be a bit more thoughtful this time around, but as you sip on your drink and view your surroundings, you feel your shoulders relaxing more and more. How long had it been since you just enjoyed time with a friend like this?

For the most part, it remains quiet, but the two of you exchange a bit of get-to-know-the-other questions. You’re surprised at how comfortable you feel with him. It’s…natural. Like this is how things are supposed to be. Despite this, you know there’s something you’re missing.

It takes you a second to realize that Garry has stopped, leaving you a few feet in front of him. He’s turned towards the forest encircling the town, his eye apparently having been caught.

“Garry? Is something wrong?”

“I… No, but…well, I can’t quite explain it. But I feel like…” he trails off, frowning as he steps forward. Curiosity piqued, you follow him, staying quiet when he bends down to look at something.

“This,” he states, picking the object up. You frown, going to look at it.

“A blue petal?” you wonder, frowning. “What’s that doing here? It’s fall, and there are no blue flowers over here.”

Your friend nods in agreement. “I have the strangest feeling that I should hold onto this.”

“Then keep it somewhere safe. Your gut is almost always right.”

You’re about to add something when…

“Ow!” you cry, grunting as a sharp pain emanates from your head. It’s like a headache, but way more intense.

You hear Garry saying your name before he too cries out, kneeling down as well. You clutch your skull, willing for the pain to subside, when…

A/N: Thanks for the support on this series so far! I hope you enjoyed. I hope that the next chapter will be out soon. Reblogs, likes, and comments are all highly appreciated <3333 Also, please let me know if you'd like to be tagged for updates :D

[tartagilicious]

snezhnaya does not believe in broken hearts > childe

→ pov: there is no pov i’m in love with another fictional man. I’m a little rusty writing wise because of school, but someone said childe enemies to lovers and who i am i to say no to that 🥴 so, here’s his boss battle with a ✨twist✨

→ ib: this comic on twt, pls go support it i love it and cry whenever someone mentions it. also, like the comic, childe’s delusion form won’t have a mask just so it’s easier to write his expressions!

→ *there are a good amount of lines that are taken directly from his battle in the game, so beware of detailed spoilers!

You can trust him. But, don’t get too involved. The battle he pursues is dangerous; it’s not something a normal person can withstand.

Whether you realised it or not, every moment you had spent with him began to carve out a hole in your chest, bittersweetly wearing away every layer of protection you had unconsciously built up. It wasn’t a well-done job by any means; the edges it left were particularly jagged, but the softness Childe still managed to pull from them left you stunned every time it chose to peek its head out.

“Don’t be so on edge, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

It suddenly became a daily routine to expect him at some point, whether it entailed him coming upon you doing a commission in the middle of the mountains, or you crossing paths in Liyue while some type of street food balanced precariously in his grip.

Yet, what you failed to notice was that most times, he would take care to place another of the same delicacy into your hand, as if expecting to see you. Childe would meet you in the middle of the mountains not by chance, but rather by a sense of curious boredom, wherein your company was the only suitable way to pass the time.

Subsequently, the only question remaining in a scenario such as this, was what the other meant to each of them — were you truly able to push your obligations aside, or were you only getting close enough to have enough leverage to strike?

On any occasion a disarming laugh left his mouth, or he lent you his support without question, you failed to remember that you were pitched as enemies in the first place. You inevitably no longer felt the same wariness towards the harbinger over time, but it only made you that much more guilty to know just how easily you had begun to trust him.

Yet no matter the hopeful sentiments your sputtering heart provided you, you knew one thing to be true that would always remain so: you would never be on the same side.

“You’ve already fulfilled your task as guide, so why do you still linger here? Haven’t you already seen enough trouble for today?”

You had entered the Golden House apprehensively, perhaps hoping even over the Exuvia’s safety that you wouldn’t meet him there. But coming upon it and hearing the one voice you had been dreading, you begrudgingly came to terms with the fact that you would have to face reality eventually.

“Huh?” Paimon is startled by the sudden disembodied voice. “Who’s there?!”

Childe reveals himself by coming up the stairs you had just now ascended, his saunter maddeningly casual. “If you were Fatui, I imagine that you would be entitled to a generous reward from the Tsaritsa yourself.”

The way he tilts his head with such fake amiability grates across you like nails on a chalkboard. “But now you’re nothing but dross -- and you’re in my way.”

“It looks like I was just in time, then.”

Childe laughs. “Although I’m deeply grateful to you for helping me so effortlessly find this secret location… don’t you think that trying to stop me now would only be a wasted effort?”

“Stopping the mora mints, hiding away the Exuvia,” He laughs again, and your hand instinctively makes a small stretch for your weapon. “And sending you. The Qixing are really pulling out all the stops this time.”

“So you were planning to take the gnosis all along?” You ask flatly, your words swallowed by your own hesitation just after you’d barely gotten out the last word. Even though this mishap wasn’t very detectable, shame burns the back of your throat at the honesty of the reflex.

“As one of the Eleven Fatui Harbingers, it’s my duty to see the will of the Tsaritsa fulfilled. And she will get which she desires.”

You shake your head, fully grounding your hand and preparing to draw your sword. “Not if I don’t allow you to get near the Exuvia.”

“I’m not looking for your blessing, ___.” Childe narrows his eyes and takes note of this action, the implications of it drawing up a wanton sense of disappointment he had long been expecting. This varies little from your own dismay, unbeknownst to him. “There’s nothing you could do to stop me anyways.”

“The time for discussion and diplomacy has already long passed. I mean, if it were up to me, I would have skipped that stage to begin with… but, I’m willing to do as the Tsaritsa deems fit.”

“Either way,” An eyebrow arches as an equally intrigued smile pulls at the corner of his lips. “It seems we’re now coming upon my favourite part --  a simple pleasure, and one that I am oh-so delighted to be sharing with you.”

it’s as if a pin drops, and he grins. “The battle.”

You now stand at a fork. Two paths stare at you with expectant eyes, both equally enticing; but the drawbacks of the indulgent solution unfortunately long outweigh those of their obvious counterpart. It’s a decision that must be made on behalf of Liyue, not the hurt of a single heart.

Paimon scoffs, drawing you from your thoughts. “So you’re the type that goes looking for trouble, huh?”

Childe’s laughter rings out, and he throws his head back as if he had heard something particularly funny. “I guess you could say that!”

“When Signora offended the deities outside of the cathedral in Mondstadt, she swiftly left the scene once her mission was accomplished. Instead of confronting you directly, she chose to rely on the snow and ice to make an escape.”

“I would take that as far more than its face value. When she faces a worthy opponent, she will prioritise her mission, weigh the outcomes, and consider the consequences of her actions…” He explains, trailing off with an inexplicable smile. “But as for me, the greatest pleasure of being a harbinger lies in the opportunities I have to cross blades with such opponents.”

“That doesn’t mean we’ll let what happened in Mondstadt ever happen again.”

“Oh? So you do intend to fight me? Good.” Childe’s excitement baffles you and pumps adrenaline into your veins simultaneously. “I won’t kill you, ___, I’ll just play along. To feel the thrill of battle!”

“Besides,” He puts his hands out in an aimless gesture. “You could never defeat me, not even in your wildest dreams. But hey, try to relish in the fight anyways, because if you ask me… without that, what else is there?”

“I could never defeat you?!” His words get the better of you and you laugh in disbelief. “You’re completely delusional.”

He returns the laugh delightedly, igniting a fire of mixed emotions in your chest. “Fighting talk, I love it! Now, let’s see you live up to it.”

You draw your sword at the drop of his last word, taking a step back in preparation for what was to come. Childe, meanwhile, stands watching you with a brewing sensation of glee.

“This chance isn’t easy to come by, so show me all you’ve got.” Arrows infused with water begin to fly in your direction, though you avoid them in haste. “So very few ever get the chance to square off with a Fatui Harbinger, so come now, amuse me. And don’t you dare disappoint.”

You find yourself gritting your teeth at the arrogant words, taken aback at his challenging tone. “You say your colleague has found me praiseworthy, but tell me to only amuse you? That’s a disappointing downgrade.”

A lapse in the time Childe has to shoot gives you enough time to approach him, throwing out a strike of your sword that he catches with his own weapon moulded by water.

“It’s by no means an insult, ___, I’m merely proposing a challenge.” He looks at the way your blades grit against each other and grins. “And it seems you’ve accepted it.” You jump back with the force of his attack to propel yourself. A barrage of geo-aligned magic is summoned beneath your opponent with a stomp to the marble floor.

However, he sidesteps it in a similar fashion, and through a quick exchange of harsh blows, both of you stand back to scope things out. Still, the one aspect that continues to overshadow the rest of your thoughts is the way that Childe’s personality has changed under the scrutiny of battle.

The playful tone he normally sports is long gone, now replaced with a deeper and more realistic one; perhaps even slightly more menacing. It’s as if he’s been flipped into a completely different person.

He laughs maniacally as he uses his hydro vision to drive waves of water out towards you, fully intent on at least knocking you off your feet. The burst of elemental energy ends when Childe leaps back onto the ground. This gives you the leverage you need to go in with another geo attack, this time catching him off guard and launching him to the side.

Childe coughs at the force of the action, his lips curving up into a smile. “Good! No wonder signora was so wary of you.”

His body is encased in an impenetrable bubble of water in an instant, a flash of deep light lashing out from the centre before revealing Childe once again. His swords of water have since been infused by electro energy, and his clothes are darker -- the most noticeable difference, however, is the Fatui mask that had previously been slung over his hair now laid properly over his face.

“Well, that just means I can go all out! Brace yourself, this is about to get tough…” He takes a few preliminary steps. “Show me what you can do against the might of a Harbinger!”

The strikes do indeed get faster. Childe toughens up against seemingly every one of your attacks, dodging most if not all of with even more ease than before. you grit your teeth as you rush to keep up with the frequent blows thrown at you. But, in a panic and reflexive drawback, you retract your sword and desperately block with your arm instead.

Silence entraps the incredibly large room as your sword clatters noisily to the floor. Both the cloth running up the expanse of your arm and wrist piece are slashed considerably, all to reveal a shallow but long gash.

The sensation of electro wastes little time in taking effect, burning up your arm and inducing an inevitable cry of pain as both of you take a step back. Malleable emotion hangs in the heavy atmosphere, waiting to be addressed or otherwise plucked down from their higher place.

Though, his reaction in that split second shows that he might not be just as lost as you’d thought.

Childe has little courage to speak up on any of these topics, but in whatever way he chooses to ignore the berating voice in his head, he can’t push away the sensation of regret swimming in his chest. Watching your face briefly contort in pain you try so hard to hide, yet standing close and being unable to do anything about it -- it’s more real than any understating word his brain could ever feed him.

“What are you doing just standing there?” You suddenly taunt, your voice slightly hoarse as you turn to hide the blood that seeps into your clothing. “I thought you said that you were going to go all out.”

Childe knows that you're right. He had said that, but what would it mean for him to continue? Brawling with you brought the same drunkening high of adrenaline he’s been chasing since he escaped from the abyss all those years ago-- although hurting you wasn’t any sort of intention he’d ever had.

“...I’m only offering a moment to buffer, but I must say -- you’re not bad. Your swordsmanship is quite impressive.” Childe desperately swallows back anything extra that pops into his head and twirls his electrified staff. Personal desires are the last thing he can afford to pay attention to. “But, that’s about as far as you’ll get.”

You sloppily intercept a rough attack that threatens to send you flying backwards, gritting your teeth as you push back with the force of your Anemo power. It goes well for all but the way your arm begins to falter under the stress. Your head naturally follows your body’s trajectory, yet in your panic, the stroke your toed boot makes across the floor leaves a trail of blistering geo behind.

The elements present react immediately, resulting in a blinding explosion. You’re thrown off too quickly and land unsteadily, pain shooting up your arm as you exhale shakily -- you’d never had the misfortune of experiencing a hydro and electro vision working together before now.

“___, are you okay?” Paimon asks frantically, your tiny hands trying their best to locate the heart of the wound on your injured arm. “That cut looks deep, do you really think it’s a good idea to keep pushing yourself?”

You shake your head in dismissal as your eyes move with the clearing dust. “It’s fine, but my sword--?”

Once the haze disperses, you spot your sword almost instantly -- however, you also find Childe’s staff sticking haphazardly into the marble floor right next to it, its owner nowhere to be found.

A laugh sounds from behind you. “I really didn’t think you had that card hidden up your sleeve!”

Your heart drops into your stomach when you whip around to see Childe standing beside Rex Lapis’ corpse, his grin wide like he’d already won the match between you.

“You were just playing us to get close to the Exuvia!”

“Oh, quiet down. Don’t be so quick to judge. You’ve seen this world, you of all people should know...” Childe steadily gathers a ball of electro energy in his palm, the lightning fusing around his gloved hand before materialising. “That this should have been expected!”

The sound is deafening as Childe forces his hand into the Exuvia, opposing elements colliding and responding in turn. “I’ll be taking Morax’s gnosis now!”

Shockwaves come out like tides as the entire room shakes under the pressure of the single action. You’re quick to shield your injured arm from the battering wind, while Paimon latches onto the ornament covering your elbow.

Yet, much to everyone’s surprise, the hand that emerges and unfolds under the glaring light is very much empty.

Childe is taken aback by the particles of light that float from his gloved hand, laughing in frustration as well as bewilderment. “I see. Well, this is most unexpected.”

He turns to look at you through his mask, taking in the equally as surprised expression that moulds your features. But the detail that begins to surface ignites a different, and entirely real type of irritation in him, is the way that your eyes begin to change.

“Morax’s gnosis is far from another old antique,” Ningguang had prefaced this when you had visited her in the Jade Chamber, her words stable and forward. “It is a sign of Liyue’s reigning power, and also a symbol for the people to look towards; as not only a god, but also the keeper of peace. This is not something that would be hidden carelessly.”

“Many people throughout my years as a Qixing have tried to outsmart the layers close to the gnosis, however, none have succeeded. Its protector is someone of utmost secrecy whose identity I must not reveal, not even to you.”

She had sighed, placing a warm yet distant smile on her face. “But, I believe this method will continue to deter unwanted hands, along with you in their capable stead.”

Your eyes widen as you take an instinctual step back. You’d found it nearly impossible when tasked with feeding the Harbinger outdated details, though your heart feels heavy in realising that it had gone to show how much Childe truly did learn to trust you.

But, it had worked, hadn’t it? Because of this, the exuvia was somewhere far away -- in capable hands, as Ningguang had phrased it. Yet you feel little want to celebrate this small victory, immediately reminded of the situation it’s caused as Childe’s vision flares up around him, warping his figure in your eyes.

“You… You beat me to it, didn’t you?” Childe doesn’t miss your sense of victory being quickly replaced by fear, but in a fit of irritation, he takes no time in disregarding it.

He leaps haphazardly into the centre of the room, forcing you to careen out of the way as his electro vision fries the air around you. It becomes stuffy and unbearably hot in the enclosed space entirely too quickly. But, throughout the sudden drastic change in their atmosphere, you can’t help but notice the second transformation that Childe has gone through; yet rather this time, it’s much more drastic.

Once the air dissipates, Childe leaps back to the floor once again, his heavy military boots marking his step indefinitely. The attire he wears is fittingly close to armour -- presenting a deep blue and purple suit that fits like a second skin.

“Not a bad trick,” His spear of water that had since been lodged in the marble floor flies into his hand, twirling to rest on his shoulder as his voice stabilises. “But, this is going to cost you!”

The same weapon is pushed into the ground with overflowing destructive power. It quickly runs veins out like web beneath your feet, electro charge roughly and abruptly breaking the floor to reveal another space below.

You're dragged down indiscriminately amongst the falling debris, roughly colliding with the sharp edges before hitting the ground once again. Your arm, still slightly bleeding and swollen, screams at the harsh impact. Though having landed on your stomach meant that other parts of your body had absorbed most of the shock, natural reflexes had forced you to receive some of the heavier damage in your arm regardless.

There wasn’t a lot that you could do about this, however, other than pick yourself up again and hope that Childe was still too high up to see your pain clearly. Thankfully, lo and behold, a purple light just then begins to descend almost hauntingly through the smoke. It blinks out briefly before revealing Childe again as every messy part of the room is blown away by an incredible elemental power.

You hold up your uninjured arm to combat against the strong wind, wincing as your body is forced back.

“You got to the gnosis ahead of me, didn’t you?” Childe’s staff finally rests in his hand, however, the aura he gives off alone is enough to make you antsy. “Did you simply move faster? Or… did you leak the information regarding the Golden House to me on purpose?”

“...You’ve outsmarted me, ___. But that doesn’t mean the information won’t be in my hands by the time we’re done.” Another electric current fills the room as he moves to make an attack. “So, fight hard knowing there's something of such value on the line.”

Your eyes flicker around the room for your sword as you say, “How do you know that I have any of the information you need? That’s betting a lot on nothing.”

He laughs, the familiar sound chilling.

“You don’t have to be omnipotent to take a best guess. Besides, I’m confident enough in knowing that you’re smart enough to play me, so a battle between friends to determine that isn’t too much of a stretch, is it?”

You spot the sword and take a hesitant step towards it, attempting to return his words as a distraction. “It’s strange to call me a friend and threaten to put a knife in my chest in the same sentence. I thought you said that you weren’t going to kill me?”

Childe pauses, debating his next words carefully. “...Conditions are ever-changing.”

“If they were going to change so drastically, you should have told me earlier. Maybe then I could’ve figured out how to explain something I don’t know the answer to.”

“Don’t play dumb with me, ___.” His delusion’s deeper tone makes even the most playful of his words sound threatening. You stand your ground, though, knowing that no matter what your apprehension presents, nothing will change the fact that your weapon is only a mere step away.

“I know that you can tell me.”

You know I can? The supposedly comforting statement bounces around in your head, creating a ringing in your ears and a painful drumming against your temples. It’s not that simple, you think. There's little he wouldn’t be able to get from you if gone about the right way, however, as long as the information remained important, it would stay unattainable to even him.

You grit your teeth, feet twisting boldly into a position that’ll make it easier to leap in the direction you need. “I won’t tell you anything,” The leap is short and filled with almost too much strength, but you make up for any shortcomings by turning to block the incredibly close blow Childe had thrust out to stop you.

You push your sword against his with the force of all of your irritation, jaw clenched as your words come out in a single breath. “Because I know that I don’t have anything to say to the person that betrayed me.”

Unsurprisingly, words like those are some of the last that Childe wants to hear at that moment. No amount of guilt tripping or humiliation was typically enough to get to him, however, your simple declaration hits him in a spot that he’s long tried to bury.

Childe scoffs, pretending that he hadn’t blatantly hesitated. “You’re not fit to be here if you’re shaken by the betrayal of someone like me. Take it from me and give up while you’re ahead.”

You’re stunned by Childe’s brutal words for a brief moment, leaving him an important window to more easily knock your weapon away, out of your weakened hands. His blade meets your throat with little hesitation, the cool water stinging against your overheated skin.

Childe’s eyes wander to the way your body turns slightly to protect your injured arm, and disregarding the way his stomach twists, he shakes his head. “What’s wrong, ___? The way you are now won’t be able to defeat me.”

He looks at the way you hesitate and the already putrid feeling in his gut turns rotting. You make no more effort to fight back despite your strength, nor move the weapon lying firmly right over one of your weakest points.

“I might end up killing you if you don’t tell me where the gnosis is.” Childe tries to push you further, but is taken aback when your brows knit as if frustrated. You know very well that he’s someone with bad intentions, yet why do you continue to yearn to see the good in him? To see the carefree person you’d known before today?

You don’t respond, unmoving beneath his heavy gaze for all but the way your hands begin to slowly hover up towards the sword pressuring your neck.

Why can’t you stop?

Your shaking hands take the blade lightly in your grip, the vision-adjacent water searing your battered skin. A droplet of sweat slides down your cheek yet all you can focus on is the way Childe’s eyes instantly delve into panic.

“If you’re going to kill me, you should hurry up and save us both the suffering.”

The sudden powerful statement sounds unreal coming from such a weakened person, blood running down your fingers as you force his sword away.

“What makes you think that your death would cause me any harm?” Childe’s heart thumps wildly beneath his clothes as he lets his weapon be redirectioned, but his brows furrow. “I used you. Do you have yet to realise that?”

“You think I’m so inept that I would believe in someone so fast?” Your fingers go to nestle in the fabric of your skirt, the clothing acting as a temporary shield from the pain. “It was no secret that you weren’t someone to be trusted.”

“Then why lead me here if you’re so confident in yourself? Surely you don’t think that picking a fight with me was a sound idea?”

“You came here yourself. I was never looking to fight.” You mumble truthfully, taking your hand away from your skirt to reveal your palms stained with blood. “...I only said what I did because I don't like hurting those I care about.”

Childe stands paralysed in shock upon hearing such honest words, his mouth opening and closing as he rushes to process their meaning. What could he possibly say to that?

You hadn’t left a single mark on him despite believing that you were fighting for your life, whereas he had prioritised outside matters over listening to his internal backlash -- he had hurt you in a simple twisted warning.

“___, you--”

He’s barely able to get a sentence out before you sigh, going up to him with little hope before wrapping your arms around him.

Childe exhales unsteadily, his weapons then evaporating as his torso and arms instinctively straighten up. Moments of complete stillness go by unhindered. But, you wait patiently for any type of response from the man in your arms.

“...___.” He finally mumbles this from above your head, voice incredibly soft. “What do you think you’re doing?”

You’re at a loss as for how to respond, because truthfully -- the answer is mostly lost even to you. All you can do is drown in the silence that you’ve created, heart picking out the worst parts of the way his posture stays tense.

Childe groans abruptly, his delusion slowly beginning to break down to reveal his normal clothes. “Come on,”

As if something restricting him had suddenly been removed, he staggers and sinks to his knees, body going limp at the sudden lapse in support of his vision. Though fortunately, you follow him even while he goes down.

Your arms struggle to support the sudden weight as his chin lulls forward, colliding with your shoulder just as your knees hit the floor. He’s not entirely weak, you think, noticing the way he purposely tries to shift a lot of pressure off of you. Though you don’t know much about his delusion, it seems viable to assume that the form had just exhausted a decent amount of energy.

You feel the heat of his hands hesitantly coming upon your sides, but much to your disappointment, they quickly retract before he mumbles, “You’re a fool.”

“I know.” You whisper. “But, it’s too late. I can’t give up on you now.”

Childe scoffs, the sound muffled by your shoulder as he brings his arms up around you. He embraces you so tightly that it’s as if you’ve struck something inside him.

Those words are so unfair, they almost give me hope.

[minetteenfers]

Note for fanfic updates like Adrien August specifically(Note that I just posted on it)

Summary: Updates will be slow because I’m suffering from really bad flare ups that haven’t let me chill for 5 days now and counting. Read below if you want more details LMAO

Hello! How are you all?

I debated whether to use talk to speech to write this note and then decided that I would just type it. Sigh. haha Some of you may know, because I don't hide it and feel like a broken record I'm sorry, I struggle with Fibromyalgia/PCOS/IBS/Anxiety/Depression. It would be easier to research Fibro than for me to explain it. XD It's different for everyone. Some have it worse than others. Some have it better. There are good and bad days and bad days are called flare ups. There is no cure for Fibromyalgia. It is also one of the invisible chronic illnesses. This means that when doctors look at me on a level of testing, there is nothing seemingly wrong with me but clearly there is. lol I have elevated inflammation, but otherwise on a medical level... I seem healthy and fine. However, that is not the case.

Fibromyalgia I got diagnosed with at this year? I don't even know. I've been suffering from it for months... or more without realizing it. Basically... on my worse days... I will be coughing, my sinuses will swell in my face and all over, my joints will swell and pop (all of them), muscles will pop and go weak and will spasm, pattern lights (flickering strobing... patterns...) will make my brain act weird. I will have times where I feel like I'm listing on a ship on the ocean and will have to grab walls to balance, I will double up words... like 'I went went the store' instead of 'I went to the store'. I will write one word and mean another. I can't multitask or drive. The only time I can drive is if I've driven there enough to know my way there by muscle memory. I will drop cups and things... my wrists and fingers will swell and stiffen, making it hard to write. I will not be able to coherently talk sometimes and speak slow due to exhaustion. I will randomly get so tired I HAVE to lay down or sleep. I suffer from chronic migraines and from grinding my teeth in my sleep. I have moments where I hobble everywhere and have to stop walking because either my legs give out or go numb. Hands and feet tingle, shoulders, back of my neck... stuff goes numb or hurts. I sneeze or cough and will hurt my ribs, sternum, or back and have pulled my hip flexor sneezing THREE TIMES. lol

There are three medications, physical therapy, my brain is blanking. That's part of it too... Sometimes I forget what words I want or what I'm saying and I blank out. lol Mental therapy (I normally know the word beside therapist and psychologist and psychiatrist lol) and other things you can do for it... but I can't take medications due to being sensitive to almost all of them. I can't afford to do the rest. I can "walk" and I can rest. LMAO That's it.

I am saying all of this because not being able to stand or crouch for ages, not being able to lift heavy things... sometimes not being able to stir a meal I'm cooking or cut something lol.... not being able to focus... makes it near impossible for me to work a normal job like I used to. It's frustrating not being able to do what I used to be able to do. It's frustrating to feel like I need help and I'm stubborn as all hell about it. LMAO But I just laugh it off as much as I can when I drop something or can't do something randomly.

A friend of mine that suffers from chronic illness told me to never let myself sink and be proud and celebrate the little accomplishments. She also sent me the Spoon Theory to help others, who don't suffer from a chronic illness to better understand chronic illness.

I am saying all this because Adrien August is going to be releasing and updating really slow because these past five days (yes, sadly I've been counting) have been complete utter Hell for me. My fingers hurt typing this, my body hurts from my neck down to my lower back and it is tingling and numb. I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. I feel like a burden to people in my life. I'm full of anxiety and depression to the point I have not been sleeping well and I've just wanted to cry for no reason other than feeling like my ability to control my emotions is hanging on a thin thread. LOL I'm struggling with my left leg when I walk the last few days. I'm just realizing I need to slow down for the next few days. I'll be reblogging with @chimpukampu and @lalunaoscura but this fic will be moving slow. Not too slow... but I'm trying not to push myself. I probably forgot some symptoms tbh because there are so many of them. XD

Anyway, I'm sorry that I am slow at updating lately. It's because I've been focused on other things and then this flare up has lasted longer than any so far and it's absolute murder. lol I'm usually a super positive person but lately this has been kicking my ass hard. XD I thank all my amazing friends for letting me vent and for lifting me up. I thank my husband for putting up with me and my frustration at myself that I am projecting outward, which I feel so guilty for. XD I just need to realize when I can't do something... it's okay, because it is okay. It's okay to need help. I don't know how many damn times I've written that in a fanfic, LMAO!!!!! but it's true! It's okay. It'll be okay. It'll get better. I got this! I had it before... I can get it again! LMAO

Sorry to be a downer and I hope you all are having a wonderful night or day where ever you are and thank you for all of the support! Seriously!

[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

Finally (Aldo Raine x Fem!Reader)

Requested by @redroseedits

*Trigger warning: PTSD/nightmares briefly *** Reader is like a mother figure to the younger basterds, if this makes you uncomfortable please don't read!!!

@owba-chan @war-obsessed @inglourious-imagines @tealaquinn @struggling-bee @frozenhuntress67 @kwyloz @sodapop182 @marlenemarauders @what-the--curtains @taikawho

Let me know if you wanna be added to the IB or OUATIH taglists! :)

_________ The year was 1944. It was only November, but the worst of winter was beginning to show its fangs. You were marching through the snow in a forest, somewhere in France that you were convinced hadn't been touched since the last war. Well...almost untouched. Familiar markings and scorches on the trees supported your theory. You looked up at the blindingly grey sky as snow began to fall. "Move."  You ordered quietly, picking up the pace, and your three companions followed suit. You walked alongside three young basterds. The youngest,  in fact. You looked around you, wondering just how in hell you got there. You were a simple school teacher, not too long ago, back in 1939... Frankly, when the basterds heard that, they wondered how you got there, too. The answer is simple.

You were a teacher, but you knew far more than you'd let on. You were practically a strategic genius, you were formidable in a few useful languages, and you had one hell of a character. You were shortly contacted by the MI6, and sent abroad. Years passed and the yanks finally made their debut. One thing led to another, and you ended up being acknowledged as a basterd by the MI6, by the OSS, and most importantly, by the basterds themselves. This was an extremely important mission, and your lieutenant had trusted you to lead it. Donny, Wicki, and Hugo outranked you (by a technicality) but, you were one hell of a strategist. And being British, you'd been in the war long before the basterds had. You knew quite a bit. So when the basterds were forced to split up into separate missions, Aldo trusted you with the ones that needed most trusting: Omar, Smitty, and Hirschberg. You stopped in your tracks, and the boys followed suit. "Well, we're here." You sighed, catching your icy breath, hands at your hips, as you stood in a particularly spacious part of the woods. "Where?" Hirschberg looked around, eyeing every tree suspiciously. You could hear Smitty's teeth chattering, and you glanced at him with a sigh. You told him to steal that coat when he had a chance, but noooo. You tossed yours at him. "What? Y/n, no." "It won't be long." You crouched down, and started brushing snow to the side. Omar looked around at the others with a raised and confused eyebrow. He then crouched by you, "Uh...Y/n? Did ya lose something?" Hirschberg muttered as he crossed his arms, clenching his teeth so you wouldn't know he was absolutely freezing.... (you knew) "Yeah, Y/n's mind." "Very amusing, Gerold." You scoffed, though you did smirk a little. "It might h-help if we knew w-what w-we're l-looking for..." Smitty chattered on, pale as a sheet of paper, though you shook your head.  "Just a minute, lads..." Just as Hirschberg began to grumble, they all heard a loud, hollow thump. "There it is!" You beamed as you hurriedly brushed aside more snow, soon revealing a hidden door. You soon found the iron handle, and pulled it open with all your strength, revealing what was practically an underground cabin. "Come on, boys." You took a lighter from your coat, and lit a lamp that was at the entrance, and made your way down the steps, into the cabin. They soon followed, and shut the latch. It was one room, roughly fifteen by fifteen feet, dimly lit by this single lamp. "Blankets in the corner there, and enough food and water in that chest there to last us about three weeks, though we won't be needing it all, and-" "Weeks?" You nodded, "Well, it should pass in a week." "What'll pass?" You sighed, as you slumped down in the corner, taking the near frozen boots off your numb, sore feet. Of course! You were so forgetful of what you did and didn't tell them. You'd read it in the paper in the last town you passed, and...forgot they didn't read French... "Blizzard's passin' through here, boys. Can't have you lot runnin' around the woods like madmen. Wouldn't make it, and we don't have any reliable contacts past this point. We'd have to turn back....and...we've collected far too many scalps for Aldo to do that any time soon. This is our safest bet." Omar nodded, "Huh...Aldo made a damn good call." "Oh I don't know, I'm sure Donny, or Wicki could have found some place safe." Smitty shook his head, laughing a little. You turned and saw a blanket already draped over his hair. Loose snowflakes beginning to melt away in his hair, though his nose stayed a little red. "Donny? He's from Boston, he'd swear this was just a dusting, and push us through." You chuckled, politely lying "Oh I'm sure he wouldn't..." (he definitely would) "You set this up?" Hirschberg asked, as he began to rummage through the supplies, grinning as he spotted a chocolate bar at the bottom of the treasure chest. "Back in '39, when you three were in diapers." "H-" Smitty's indignance was interrupted by a soft sneeze. He looked at you again, "Hey!" "Bless you," you chuckled, "Fine. What? You were in secondary school at most." Hirschberg asked, "Secondary school?" Omar nodded, as he set down his water, "Tommies call high school secondary school." Hirschberg chuckled, "Huh...I was in high school then. Freshman or sophomore, can't remember." "Right, well while you three were kissing cheerleaders, I built this." Omar laughed, "You think Smitty was hanging around with the cheerleaders?" Smitty turned red....or....maybe it was still just the cold... You sighed, "Oh don't be so cruel. He's a sweet boy." He smiled, and if he was red this time, it was because of what you said. "Anyway, I didn't spend as much time here as I would have liked. I was sent off to Austria, then Bucharest and Budapest, and back again," You sighed remembering the exhaustion, "Then back to Munich, wandered around Frankfurt, then back to France for quite some time. Stayed longer than I thought, now that I have a team." You smiled a little, though you looked around, inspecting the details of the hideout, finding them all intact, you remarked, "Didn't think it would hold up so long, but, it looks like no ones found it since." You sighed, and found a blanket for yourself, sitting in a corner. In that week or so that you'd spend there, you'd learn so much about those three young basterds... You were all silent for a while, till you noticed something about Omar. Well, to be fair, you'd noticed it just around the time you met the basterds, though you never quite had the chance to inquire about it. He was fidgeting around with his hands, his fingers interlacing over and over, restlessly. You'd seen that before. Once, when you were a teacher, you had a student. Maybe not the best in math, but the things he could create with a  pen were enough to amaze anyone with so much as a second to spare. "Are you cold, Omar?" He noticed you looking at his hands. He seemed a little embarrassed, "No, no..." He shook his head with a slightly distant, almost nostalgic smile, "I just got nothin' else to do." You nodded. Once your student had nothing to do, he'd fidget just like that till he had  a pen, pencil, even a crayon in his hand. You got up, and rummaged around in a bin you'd hidden away. You brought out a  stack of papers and a few good pens. Not too long ago, that had been your stash for passing on messages to the MI6 and resistances. "Help yourself, love." You smiled kindly, and his heart almost leapt as he smiled a smile you hadn't seen in a long tie. "Thank you!" "Don't mention it." You sat back in your corner. It wasn't long before you noticed Smitty and Hirschberg cheekily smirking and glancing at each other. "Oh, for fuck's sake." You rolled your eyes, and sighed "What is it?" "So what's goin' on between you and Aldo?" Hirschberg smirked a little as he fiddled with his pocketknife, though he looked up at you with a smirk. You shook your head, and sputtered, though you struggled to find an answer. "Oh..I...Don't...nothing! Nothing at all!" You crossed your arms, but Smitty smirked, "Really? He seemed real nice right before we left." "He asked a favor of me! That was all... Just being polite..." "Yeah what favor?" Hirschberg smirked and you rolled your eyes. "Babysit you lot, that's what." Smitty chuckled, "We saw how you said goodbye." "Did you have your glasses on?" You smirked a little and he shook his head, "No..." "Then you didn't see much, did you?" "Oh! Come on!" Smitty crossed his arms, and you laughed a little, "Go on, it's late. Off to bed!" "It's not like we're going anywhere any time soon!" Hirschberg huffed as he pouted a little. "Oh what is this? Sleepover girl talk? Off you go." Smitty muttered, "It's kind of like a sleepover." You chuckled though you threw your blanket over your face, hiding your amusement, and the sly smile revealing the truth about you and Aldo. Still, it wasn't long before Omar dimmed the light. You were sure he'd go through that stack of paper before morning. The chattering died away little by little, and you closed your eyes. Still, your heart was heavy as you thought about your three charges. Yes, you were 99.9% sure you would get them safe and sound back to Aldo, as you'd promised...but you wondered about the faces you'd left behind. All those kids, with wonder in their little faces, bright and curious eyes, timid smiles, and rebellious laughs. Your heart shattered, knowing they must be terrified at that moment, some far from home and hidden in the country side, some probably hungry, others cold. You always wanted to travel, but not when the world was in ruins... Not like this. Now you were here, with these soldier boys who were just that...hardly more than boys. They may be basterds, but you swore you could see the same fear in their eyes...

"Y/n?" You were almost startled, but you turned over, "Yeah, Omar?" The light was dim, and sure enough a stack of papers of mile high was sitting by the basterd. "What are you gonna do after the war?" "What do you mean? About me and Aldo?" "So there is something between you and Aldo." He grinned, and you confounded yourself, eventually sighing in defeat, "Maybe..." "I won't say anything." He promised with a quiet smile, and you smiled gratefully. "I mean...after everything. I mean, are you going back to MI6, or England at all? Are you and Aldo going to..." You sat up, resting your back and head against the wall, you shrugged, "Who's to say..."  You wondered after all you'd seen why you should make plans, considering the odds of you coming home were particularly low.

Then again, you'd thought about it, just as any other soldier had. "I suppose after it's all said and done, I've had my fair share of adventure." You smiled a little, "More than enough, I reckon." You looked at the basterd whose only other life experience was high school...and that barely counted. "I suppose an office job in intelligence could suffice. The pay is good...but..." You shook your head, "I'd love to be back in a classroom. All those bright eyes looking straight into the future I could only hope to see. That's where I'd love to be. In England, or...anywhere,"  you glanced away as you added that, not too sure what would really happen with you and Aldo after all this. You'd wondered about it with him before, but never really got an answer. "You're not scared?" "Scared? Well...I'm scared over many things, as any soldier is." He shook his head, "Scared of going home, I mean..." "Well, I'm sure adjusting is no easy task after all we've seen. But-" "No...I mean..." You looked at him, not quite sure what he was getting at. He sighed, and let go of the pen you'd given him. "If I go, my parents are going to make me go to college." "And you don't want that?" You knew it wasn't for everyone, but you wondered why he seemed so upset by it. "My parents want me to be a doctor, like my brother. And my dad....and his dad....and his...and I just..." He sighed, "I love being a basterd. You know I do." "Oh, I know," you smiled kindly, and he went on, "But once I get home, I'd rather not see blood if I don't have to." His voice grew soft, and you saw a pained glimmer in his eyes, "I don't want any more lives depending on me." Your heart broke in that moment. Just before you joined the team, Aldo let Omar, Michael, Andy, and Simon on a mission on their own, and Omar was the only one to make it back. "Hell, I didn't even like the idea then. I quit high school, Y/n. I enlisted, even though I was too young and I got away with it..." You knew, you'd done the math. "I guess I'm more afraid of not being what they want me to be than I am of...this," He gestured to everything around him. You nodded, as you moved to sit by him. "I'm sure they'll be proud of you, and all you've done here." "Wars don't last forever, Y/n." "I hope not," You chuckled, but he didn't. You were quiet for a moment, then rested your hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure they'll come around, no matter what you choose to do." "They'd never want me to be an artist." You reached for one of the loose pages lying around, and saw a beautiful sketch of the basterds. "I would." He smiled at you as if he'd never smiled before, and a tear streamed down his cheek. He hugged you, and...Omar was a hugger. "Thanks Y/n." "Off to bed, now. Don't worry about those things now, boy." You weren't sure how much time had gone, but the winds were starting to pick up outside. The blizzard was only beginning. You spent the next day playing card games, and charades and jokes. Once you were all tired out, you sent them off to sleep. You were just beginning to fall asleep, when you heard something so soft you almost confused it with the wind, or the dreamlike voices of sirens calling you to sleep. "Y/n!" "Fuck's sake!" You whispered in annoyance, "What is it, Utivich?" "I've been thinkin'..." "About?" Usually he was a bit of a sarcastic little shit. Lovable, but a bit cynical. Still, he had this sparkle in his eyes and a hopeful smile. That's not what you heard in his whisper. He sounded worried, maybe a little distressed. "Well...I have a friend...and I...I mean he...has this-" "Oh for fuck's sake Smitty." You rubbed your eyes, then sat up. "Fine. I have been thinking about it a lot...Since Aldo said...you know..." "Since he said it won't be long now..." You nodded, recalling that comment. You thought you were the only one that paid any mind...then again, it was awfully naive of you to think that. If a soldier heard his lieutenant saying it wouldn't be long before the end of the war, that soldier wouldn't forget it. "There's this girl, ok?" "Right." "And...we were....a thing." "Ok." "And well... I don't know if I want to marry her." "Did you ask her to marry you?" "Well no, but...She's been waiting for me to ask that." "You left home when you were 17, Smitty. You're what, like nineteen now?" "Yeah..." "Well no one'd blame you." "But everyone else is talking about marrying, or at least asking someone to marry them and-" You sighed, "Smitty, do you love this girl?" "Yes." "Good. Then remember this, and listen closely. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're ready to marry them." "But...everyone else's talking about getting married, or at least thinking about it!" He pouted a little, crossing his arms in exasperation. "Well..." You sighed, "You're young. No doubt, you've changed a little since you've last seen this girl. And...I'm sure she's changed too. Wars tend to have that effect, you know." He nodded, "She took a job in a munition factory before I left... Never thought she'd do something like that. I always saw her as like, I don't know, a doctor, or an engineer. Something big. But she took that job and said it was to help me." "See, even a little change like that... Now, maybe she's not ready to marry. After all, eighteen, nineteen is a bit young." He smiled a little, and you chuckled, "I'm sure you can hold off on it for a year or two, and she'd understand, right?" "Right."

"Right. Good." You crossed your arms, and you sighed, "Now, when you go home, you take that girl out to a dance, a park, go to the pictures because you'll have all the time in the world then. But don't you go running off to the courthouse because all those Donny's and Ald...I mean....Wicki's in the world are. You're young, you hardly know anything other than algebra and being a basterd. Grow up a little, get your feet back on the ground, find a job you like, and if you're ready, marry her." Smitty chuckled, and you shrugged, "And if fate has it that you're not ready, or she's not, or things have just changed too much, well, I'm sure there's a fair amount of girls that'd love a cheeky little basterd like you." He murmured with a soft smile, "I wish I had a mom like you..." Smitty almost stopped breathing, not intending to say that out loud. He looked at you with wide eyes, horrified at himself, "Sorry, I just, I-" His mother had passed away when he was young. He once (half drunkenly) commented that he was starting to forget her and didn't want to. "Wh...Oh, come here." You hugged him, and that was the closest Smitty had ever been to crying while at war. "And I shall like an invitation to that wedding." You smiled kindly as you let go. "Only if I get one to yours." He teased you, knowing all about you and Aldo. "Oh, hush now. Go on, a sleepless basterd's a useless basterd." "Uh huh, sure thing." He rolled his eyes with a sly grin as he headed to his corner. A night or two passed, and though you'd been convinced that the blizzard would let up soon, it didn't. The wind had picked up, howling like a pack of hungry wolves in the middle of the night. You woke up, though you were a heavy sleeper. You recognized Omar's snore, and...if Smitty was asleep he was dead to the world. You'd noticed throughout those days that when the wind got too loud, Hirschberg seemed more alert than usual. Before he was a basterd, he was just some kid stationed somewhere in Italy. One night, bombers flew overhead. Hirschberg was one of the few who stepped up, and rescued countless men, in spite of his age and lack of experience. One of those men was Aldo Raine, who was still a warrant officer then. Hirschberg wasn't the same after that night. He was soft-spoken, quite polite before then. But that night, he shouted down orders, pushed people around to save them. That night he became the basterd everyone knew now. Months later, he was the first basterd recruited by Lieutenant Aldo Raine. But since then,  when he heard planes in the distance, he seemed as alert as he did now. Any loud, rumbling sound put him on edge. "oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit." You heard him begin to mumble in his sleep, sounding distressed as he began to thrash around. It wasn't the first time. You learned from Aldo that Hirschberg saw and heard the planes before him, and got up mumbling "oh shit" over and over, before anyone noticed. "Gerold! Gerold, it's only the wind!" You rushed to his side, just as he woke up in a cold sweat. He shot up, looking around as if he could see the planes.

Hirschberg generally tended to be distant when it came to you. He always had a guard up in general. All that seemed to fade away now. Seeing you by the warm dim light was a stark contrast to what he'd seen in his darkest night mare.   "It's only the wind, love, just the wind!" He focused back on you, nodding slowly, catching his breath.

Suddenly that shield that he kept between him and the world seemed to collapse. His eyes softened, he wrapped his arms around you, and buried his face into your shoulder. You said nothing. Frankly, you didn't know what to say. You'd never seen him actually wake up from one of the nightmares. And you certainly weren't the one he talked to when things went rough. But there he was.

You were quiet for a while, then Omar suddenly piped up. "Y/n?" You muttered under your breath, "Oh for the love of..." You saw Utivich peeking through his blanket, and Omar starting to sit up. "What is it?" Smitty and Omar looked at each other, then nodded, as if silently agreeing on something. "Will you tell us a story?" "Fuck's sake, I'm English, not Mary bloody Poppins." "Please." You turned, and saw Hirschberg, with a slight, weary smile, and tired eyes. You sighed, and saw the eagerness in their sleepy eyes. You were a damn good spy before you were a basterd, and they loved hearing about it. "Alright." You sighed,  though you smiled a little as you recounted, "So there I was. Standin' in the alps there, and I seen a convoy and thought, 'right...they're not supposed to be here any more than I am.' So I go down the bloody steeps, and what do I find?" "Nazis?" "Soviets? Oh! Rebels?" Hirschberg rolled his eyes, "Let Y/n tell the story, damn it." You chuckled, "Thank you, Gerold." You looked around, and went on with the story, "I see, what any spy would've been thrilled to see-" One by one, they all started to drift back off to sleep.

You didn't sleep until you were sure he was. The winds had died back down by then, hardly a whisper in the night. These were the basterds. They had their entire lives ahead of them, the world at their feet, and their heads in the clouds. If it were up to you, you'd never let anyone young as them anywhere near the war... But war went where it pleased, seeping into sleeping villages, busting into busy streets in summer nights, across oceans, and beyond the boundaries of humanity. You couldn't stop these things, but you'd do everything you could to make sure those basterds made it home. Even if it killed you. **** "Goddamn Kraut almost killed you!" Aldo was furious, and had already chewed out Smitty, Omar, and Hirschberg over it. "But, he didn't." You chuckled, handing over a scalp with your right hand, while your left arm bled profusely. He sighed, tossing the scalp aside, and taking your wounded arm in his hands. "You mustn't be so hard on them, darling." He sighed a little, and shook his head, "You're too damn nice, Y/n." He started to pour alcohol over the gunshot wound, trying to disinfect it. "They're boys, Aldo. I don't know why they're all the way out here. They're not even twenty years old. They can't even vote in your country, and here they are almost dying for it." "Damn good basterds." "I didn't say they weren't. I said they were boys." "You were trying to protect them, Y/n. This is war." "And what if I was? They've got mothers, fathers, weddings  waiting for them. I haven't." "I was waiting." His voice was softer than you'd ever heard before. You looked up at him, and he shook his head. After a few moments, he was grinning a little, and remarked "Weddings, huh?" "Fucking hell." You gritted your teeth and shut your eyes as he pulled the bullet out. "Yeah, weddings." "Smitty been worrying about that girl, Abigail, again?" He wrapped gauze around your arm, and sat by you with a soft sigh. "I think I've finally set the record straight." He offered you a bottle, and as you took a sip, he chuckled, "You got a soft spot for em. Good heart." "Not always," you winked, and his arms wrapped around you carefully, trying not to hurt your arm. You rested your head in his chest, "What are you thinking, leftenant?" He smiled a little, remembering the day he learned (the hard way) that was the way some brits pronounced lieutenant. He shook his head, looking off into the distance, and hummed something. "Come off it, what's the matter?" He sighed, glancing at you. He couldn't lie to you. "If something happens...." "Something as in Donny hiding Hugo's knives and it goes too far....again....or something as in-" "I lost Andy, Simon, and Michael before you were here." "You had no control over that." Aldo shook his head, "You don't understand. You weren't there." "I'm here now." "If I lose em boys too..." "You won't." You seemed so certain about it, it struck him. "Y/n." "We won't." You promised him as you rested your hand over his. "I don't want you to get too...to love em so much... Cause if somethin' happens it'll hurt to have to say goodbye." "Nothing's going to happen. And, once this bloody war ends, we'll have to say goodbye anyway. Besides....you love me." "That's different." "Is it?" You mused with a sigh, and he chuckled, "Well, for one thing...if we talked about a wedding, everyone would say 'finally'. " "You don't like to talk about those things anyway." You shifted a little. You'd both been serious...as serious as a relationship could be in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a group of basterds, in the middle of a war. Once you so much as mentioned anything about 'after the war,' he seemed to change the subject. "I love you." "Hadn't noticed," you smirked a little, though he finally meant to say something. "I want to, Y/n...But if something happens to me, then what?" "Then Birmingham's waiting for me." "I don't want to promise to marry you...and then leave you widowed before we're even wed." You smiled a little, "I'd have to say yes first, wouldn't I?" A moment of hope knocked Aldo down for a moment, "Would you?" "Wouldn't you like to know." You smirked a little, though you knew the answer to it already. He drew a breath, shook his head, and hesitated for a moment, "War's a goddamn heartbreaker, Y/n." "And that's a shame, Aldo, really. But we don't get to choose which hearts it breaks. Not always anyway. We don't get to know how it ends. Who makes it in the end. But whoever does live gets to live according to their whims. Now, I suggest you get used to idea of getting back to your Smoky bloody Mountains, hunting or bootlegging or what have you, and I..." You looked at him, wondering what you would do if you made it. "I guess what I want to say is, you oughta make up your mind." "So you're givin' me an ultimatum, that it?" He smirked a little, thinking you loved him too much for that kind of thing. "Let me finish." You'd love to teach again... You'd seen your fair share of the world, and lived all the adventure to last you a lifetime and then some... "Y/n." But those stupid blue eyes, that scar, and that smirk had you second guessing your own ultimatum. He was about to play your game....but with his own rules. In fact... No rules. "Hold on," "Y/n." "What?!" He chuckled a little, but he meant each and every one of the following words: "Will you marry me?" "W-what?" Your voice grew softer. "Will you...marry me?" He got on one knee, though he didn't have a ring (yet). He had his heart to give, and that was all you really wanted. Before you could even answer, you heard "FINALLY!" You laughed, though Aldo grumbled. The sudden, though not unexpected, interruption was followed by a loud thrash and then a panicked, "FUCK A DUCK. DID I MISS IT?" ...followed by some hushing. Maybe it wasn't ideal...but it was all you ever wanted. "Yes." Aldo slowly got up, taking your hands in his. You looked into his eyes, both of you smiling, unable to believe he'd finally gotten around to it. As the basterds cheered and circled around, Aldo felt reassured for the first time in years. Somehow, the moment he looked into your eyes, he knew it would be alright. Everything would be alright. There would be no more lost basterds. No more planes overheard. No more bootlegging in Maynardville, Tennessee....at least, not as much. In that moment, somehow, you both seemed to understand things wouldn't be the same. Maynardville and Birmingham wouldn't be the same. Not after the war. But, so long as you were together, it didn't matter to either of you.

[allsadnshit]

i just got more than a couple anonymous messages about people going through some stomach issues and where to seek resources or what i do when there is a wall in getting a proper diagnosis

i want to start by saying i haven't been successful in getting a diagnosis for any of my health problems. it's incredibly frustrating and especially on flare up and days when i am at my worst physically and emotionally it is beyond difficult to wrap my head around what's going on with my body and it's easy to want to scrap all the methods i've tried and just declare myself broken and back to square one. in moments like those i try and remember that everyone alive faces adversity, that's part of being alive. sometimes i feel like mine is worse because it involves constant physical pain which can seem worse in comparison to a lot of things, but when i open myself up to what's going on with everyone around me what i usually find is that pain is not avoidable to anyone and it's never easier in any form.

this is all coming from someone who's had terribly burning urination for a year so try and believe me on that if i seem too optimistic about physical suffering. remembering this keeps me from isolating myself and calling myself cursed which only adds fuel to the flame rather than solve anything or help me find any answers.

that said, opening yourself up to the resources around you can be unimaginably helpful if you are willing to make your pain and joy known. when you keep a distance socially from everyone and don't share your joy, when you are in pain, people are less likely to send help i've realized. which isn't fair, but it's been true for me. you can definitely scour reddit and find A LOT of answers and directions in specific sub reddit's and although it can be really useful it's also a lot of anonymous information and doesn't always start the conversations in the length they need to be and to actually feel trust worthy.

it sounds silly or maybe too simple but talking about things openly on social media AND following people who HAVE had a diagnosis and hearing what their process has been and their management style is is really really helpful to me. i follow multiple ibs and endometriosis bloggers on instagram that post great resources constantly for both mental health support and research thats always coming out about how we conduct ourselves in the medical system and through the diagnostic process. i really recommend getting friendly with those instagram tags for what you are wondering about. finding a consistent source of information can be really emotionally settling.

above all else not deciding my life is over is key. i do not always win that fight emotionally, there have been more than a few times this year particular where the pain was so bad and so consistent that i could not picture myself better. i've realized i need to fight especially hard for myself on those weeks and put out as many feelers for new doctors and support groups as i can. knowing you're not alone goes a long way in getting through something that is so isolating.

there are no magic one step cures that i've found, only things you can do that let you live how you want to while everything unfolds and you rise to meet that challenge. love you!!!!

[shammyb]

Recover has meant laying in bed days straight with a heating pad over my uterus. Can’t wait to feel better, but also so happy to enjoy food and coffee again.

Long journal prompt/rambing:

..

...

...

Boredom is building, but surprisingly not as quickly as I had thought. I guess I know how to entertain myself enough that it’s helping me get through this shit.

Also taking a step away from everything I do on a daily basis has been giving me a lot of tome to reflect where I’m at and how I feel about it. My job. My everyday lifestyle. Where I live. Who, how and where I choose to invest my energy.

How honesty still seems to be a value above all else, even when vulnerability has been unsafe at times. How honesty with my family, even if and when it makes them uncomfortable, is important to my well being.

I’ll be telling my mother and father here very soon that I had an abortion, and I know it’s going to be extremely difficult for them. My own fears are of them giving backlash, and worse, abandonment. But I’m not going to let my fears keep me from being honest, especially with the support systems I DO have outside of my immediate family. I’m beyond grateful the friendships Ibe invested in, as they seem to all invest just as much back into me. At the end of the day my friendships ARE my family and what bring me Th e most joy. I’m nervous about telling my folks, but at the same time they can love me for me, or I know I have built and am continuing to build what I need to outside of them.

I also feel amazed how how confident I have felt with my decision from the moment I discovered I was pregnant, to the moments recently after my medicine induced abortion. I had wondered if This moment ever came, how I would feel internally and if my thoughts on life and birth would change. They have not.

Since I can remember being able to think for myself, I have never wished to have my own children, as it had never felt like a part of my life path. And here, now, I’m still confident that that will never change. I never wish to go through another abortion, however, as it was the most pain I ever experienced—I literally wished I was dead for the first couple hours following my second dose of medications. But I’m still so glad and relieved I did it. I now am planning on moving forward with a tubal ligation (having my fallopion tubes cut/tied), as soon as I’m recovered and able to find a hospital able to perform the surgery so I never have to experience this again.

I learned a lot about myself and others In this process. Though I was only not even two months pregnant, I learned how debilitating pregnancy can be for some, feeling so sore, nauseous, and tired. I barely had an appetite when the symptoms hit, which is very not me 😅 I have more empathy and understanding about the entire process of birth, and find mothers even more inspiring than I already had.

I learned that plan B doesn’t always work. As this was the result both of a dumb penis owner (not asking if I was on birth control or if it was ok to cum inside me before then doing just that), and a then failed plan B pill. I learned what o thought were symptoms of the pill that I had to take two times in my life before, were actually pregnancy symptoms. I felt fearful —not of getting an abortion—but the potential side effects or the possibility of it not working.

I saw the embryo inside me from the ultrasound, and I have felt deep deep gratitude for the existence of places like planned parenthood, who offer this service and continue fighting for reproductive rights. I’m grateful the person who impregnated me offered to pay for it, even though I had chosen to stop talking to them for the past month before I discovered this news. I still don’t wish for them to be in my life, as they are toxic for me, but I’m glad they offered help as they knew they were responsible for it.

Anyway anyway, I may or may not see my father tomorrow for some brunch.

But it was cool he texted to me using my preferred name. That was a first, and I felt very respected and light. I know this is going to be so heavy for him, as he has expressed his views on abortion to me in an argument we had years back. But I need to atleast give him room to potentially learn and grow from an honest vulnerable conversation. Or remove something that doesn’t serve me...I’m rooting for the first one though.

I hadn’t journaled or written in quite a while, and a lot has been happening; pandemic, revolt, and pregnancy being a few of the larger bullet points. If anyone ends up reading this, thanks. Hope it added atleast something to your time that is just as valuable as mine.

Tah tah for now

[askbloatedbellyblog]

Update: AKA wtf did you go AB3

Alright everyone, now that my birthday is over, I thought I should give everyone an update on why I’ve sorta disappeared. 

Well first off, life and work got extremely busy. I’m been trying to accomplish some real life goals and have made some success, got super stressed out with too many things to do and even quit a place I’ve worked at for nearly 6 years for mental health reasons even though I then worked there for another 6 months after. yeah it was super weird.

I’ve had anxiety for a while and some of the stuff I was doing was trying to get over it by confrontation, lessen some by getting out of situations, and pursuing dreams.

Now that doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten bellies or anything else either, just been stretched thin. Or so I thought.

So what I chalked up to getting old I’m not really old just thought “aging” and apparently this is fairly common with what I will lay out and anxiety sometimes to an extreme with more panic attacks and depression which I’ve always dealt with and have been going to therapy for, which I suggest for anyone, lack of focus, ADHD, muscle aches, tiredness (which I thought was from bad sleep habits), etc; weren’t exactly what I thought they were.

I’m a fairly fit person. I workout or had but again motivation was waning or being busy but also gets to this in a second nearly every day, I don’t eat TOO badly, I sleep way worse than I should but okay, take vitamins etc. Recently leaned on energy drinks too much but oh well. But I’ve had some bad foot pain and other ailments for a while. I’ve not had a ton of money, thought part of it was from tile floors or planter fasciitis (basically a tendon injury that can be caused by over use and flat feet, which guilty). 

So after finally reaching deductible for the year, I finally went to the doctor and discovered that somehow I have peripheral neuropathy. Meaning somehow my nerves are messed up. I can move fine, but I was told my “sensory nerves were worse than an 80 year old” and that why my leg/feet were on fire. Usually this happens with advanced diabetes which I don’t have (as far as they can tell and said I’d know it by the time this would have happened). 

It’s really great to hear that your nervous system is all jacked up and you didn’t know it. I’m still trying to figure out a legit diagnosis with a few of the blood tests I’ve had be fairly normal. It still could be something with my thyroid, maybe cancer, MS, who knows. I’m still trying to get in to see other doctors to try to see what is going on, though I have a sneaking suspicion and so far way less serious than all that.

At the casual suggestion of the doctor who did my nerve test because it “helps the nerves”, I took vitamin b12. I’ve taken some before and its in BASICALLY everything as far as anything fortified, the multivitamin I take, energy drinks, cereal, you name it. It’s in there to SOME degree. Well I’ve been having digestion issues as of late (wondering if I really had like IBS or Celiac etc) so I thought “You know what, I’ll buy one of those gummy versions so I can chew it up better and see what happens.” Well boy howdy, did that affect things and not necessarily for the better at first. I had bought both a b12 gummy and a b complex and the complex happened to have a different form of b12 than is usually in all those shelf stable fortified version of food. It was the “active” version of the vitamin (because apparently there are 4 different types, who knew).

Have you ever wanted to know what it’s like to feel like you’re on fire? Or to have your whole body be electrically charged? Well basically that’s what happened. Still happening to a degree. Still trying to find out for sure (which apparently is very hard to find doctors well versed in it because it does have symptoms similar to other diseases and not always present in the blood) but it looking pretty likely I have pernicious anemia. SUPER fun let me tell you. Not sure if it’s going to be a forever thing or just somehow got a b12 deficiency but I’m really starting to suspect actually a family history with it and not having things connected together.

Normal people don’t react to vitamin B12, even if they take too much, they just pee it out. But when I’ve taken it especially at first (it’s a known issue that it can have worse symptoms when you first start getting B12 again because your system finally is screaming GIVE ME ALL THE THINGS) I’ve gotten worse symptoms of pain, migraines, spreading nerve pain, lung, heart issues, breathing, stamina, everything out the window for a little bit. Being on fire but knowing you have to deal with it as best you can is super fun let me tell you. In  a perfect world, I’d actually get shots for it but that requires finding a doctor who believes it. The big problem is that some people don’t find out they have it for YEARS and by then nerve damage is permanent. If you act fast it can be reversed. I don’t want to ruin my shot at getting better while I can. 

Now the good news is so far, I have been getting better! It’s early days but nerves are less on fire. I’ve been getting energy up, libido is better, mood is better, breathing is getting better, heck even my digestion and heartburn have been getting much better. Not perfect but improving. Hell I didn’t even realize it was an issue but I had a night a bit ago where I was tingling all over in my legs and feet and suddenly could move my pinkie toes more than I ever remember being able to. So things are communicating and trying to recalibrate. 

Fun fact: did you know lack of B12 can cause anxiety, panic attacks, depression, insomnia, sleepiness, dementia, lack of focus, bowel issues, nerve damage and more? So my anxiety and depression (not saying I’m fixed or that it will go away by any means) could be linked to chronic lack of b12? That lack of being able to concentrate and focus could also be symptoms? Did you know that if you have absorption problems (bingo from intestinal issue) and taking heart burn medication (also a check mark because have fought it for years) can cause b12 deficiency? Because you need the stomach acid to digest it and have it in your colon? WELL I KNOW NOW LET ME TELL YOU WHAT. Did you know that working out burns more B12 and so does stress and anxiety? So its very possible that because I have been working out and super stressed that I actually made the problem worse by using up what little stores of B12 I had? SUPER GREAT let me tell you. 

So while I’m still trying to get to a doctor and hopefully don’t have something more serious, it seems likely that I’ve had a chronic B12 deficiency for years and it may have just not been in the right form for me to use despite ingesting a ton and then the cycle just made it worse. It could be a long road with maybe some permanent issues but I’m hopeful things are looking up even though it seems like it’s kind of a two steps forward, one step back kind of process with some relapses even though there’s progress. I still get worried and stressed about my condition and hate being in pain and weak and probably over research on whats going on (also still hoping that it’s not something more serious) but considering I’m making improvements and doing so fairly quickly all things considered makes me okay and hopeful I’ll be better than ever and able to accomplish more and not worry that I’m “getting old” when I’m pretty young.

Where does this leave me and this blog? Well it’s not going anywhere. I still exist, I’m still pining for bellies or muscle in my own way, and while it’s been slow thanks to health, lack of time, and lack of motivation; I do have some stories I’ve been working on and hopefully can get back to more canons. I do like being creative and trying to think of new things, even if I do tend to reuse a lot of ideas sometimes. Hopefully everyone will still stick around to support me even if I’m absent for a bit either on Tumblr, Twitter, or wherever else. I’m sorry for sometimes dropping conversations from being busy or procrastinating or social anxiety. Maybe that will get fixed with this. I’m honestly horrible at being the first one to start a conversation or pick it up again, so bug me first please.

Congrats if you’ve made it this far in my big life update/rant/manifesto? Thank you those who gave me birthday wishes. I luckily was healthy enough to go out and have some fun and I think I’m well enough to rejoin society again though there may be some pain. Thanks everyone for sticking with me over the years in all the places I’ve been and for enjoying all the weird ideas and writing that I’ve done to torture various characters. I hope to continue to do so for years to come. 

Laters!

AB3

[fortheheavenssake]

Nanny Anon 2

Nanny Anon 2

Sept. 17

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Sept. 18

NANNY ANON, well’ I’ve packed and ready to go ,himself came to say goodbye and thank me for being in the wee-ones early development, It was quite touching. The mistress had the maid drop off a card reference last night and left this morning without a word. ( no surprise there). M and her mistress are looking forward to next week when I move in to the P. And I can’t wait to start a new chapter with a loving family. It sounds wonderful and never again will I have to utter the words ‘ all too…………”

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Sept. 22

NANNY ANON, hello darlings ‘ I’m having a wonderful day with little C&L , M is taking G to see Star Wars so I have the the wee-one and little C. This afternoon we’re going to bake fairy cakes , although little C wants to make Unicorn cookies and take them to school tomorrow … it’s a privilege to be in a loving home with such a wonderful mistress and adorable children, last night I cried with joy. And M and I have such a history of professional duty together. What a joy for a white Lady TTFN 😌😌

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Oct. 3

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, we have been Sooooo busy with the little ones while the mistress and W have been engaged on royal duties. The mistress is such an understanding and compassionate woman she insists on the nannies as being part of the family and treats M and I the same. We have such fun with the little ones , there’s a tree house in the gardens which C seems to have turned into a Unicorn palace with daily visits from her school chums ‘ it’s a hoot ‘life is good for a white Lady TTFN.

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Oct. 5

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, both M and I are getting a program together while the mistress and W are away, we both want to take them on a scavenger hunt at high grove with C&C. Unicorns will probably be involved and G is into Star Wars. So it’s going to be a full itinerary. Little C is platting her hair at the moment and loves the tree house playing with her school chums. It’s a wonderful life for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Oct. 6

NANNY ANON, Hello Darlings, Little G came back from the match with a football signed by the team , and C had a book explaining the women’s World Cup. G is now officially a fully fledged supporter, such a fun day, the children are so exited I can see bed time will be fun. M and I are getting ready for an outing with the little ones as soon as the mistress and W depart for the tour. There off to the in-laws today so M and I are go into F&M for tea …… TTFN.

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Oct. 15

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, M and I have just returned with G&C from Thorpe Park ‘ I’m exhausted!! We went on all the rides, Little C wanted to have another ride on the Big Dipper ‘ o dear I nearly lost my breakfast ……… they had toffee apples and candy floss and G had to have tree rides on the water Shute ‘ I came over all emotional remembering Diana doing the same ride with W&H. O DEAR ‘ all too much for a white Lady 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 TTFN 😢😢😢😢

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Oct. 19

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, The mistress and himself returned to a rapturous welcome from the children ‘ lizards ,Unicorn costumes and hugs lasted for over an hour , it was a joy, I think the first stop was BP so we waited a while but it was an exiting evening. This weekend M&I have the time to ourselves as the whole family are going to the country. We shall have a spa weekend in Bath and indulge in a lot of R&R. All To much for a white Lady. TTFN

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October 20

NANNY ANON, hello darlings,” O joy and jolly japes”Tonight we all trip over to the in-laws to watch the“ Docudramarama” the mistress has asked her sister to come and himself is off to pick up C&C ! M and myself are busy making savoury and sweet popcorn 🍿 boss baby is having fun strapped in the Bouncer and G&C are playing 🦎and🦄 , it’s a joy to be part of a loving family ‘can’t wait for the fun to begin. God bless the future monarchy. TTFN.

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Oct 27

NANNY ANON … hello darlings, still about ,things are hotting up for Halloween 🤡👹👻 the children are expected to wear their creepy costumes and my darling mistress is taking them and other little ones around the the village with the parents. M and I are going as the Markle Sisters 👯‍♀️ So don’t expect to return without egg 🍳 on my face 🤣🤣🤣all too much for a white Lady TTFN

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Oct 28

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, WELL, WELL, WELL, I’m flabbergasted absolutely stunned darlings, I’ve just received an invitation from my previous mistress and himself to a private meeting in SH London for the opportunity of returning to her employ. Apparently the wee one is missing his nanny!!! and this is causing a lot of headaches for the mistress as she wants to be able to leave the wee one with a nanny she knows will be a bonding influence. I’ll keep you all updated as to my decision darling.

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Oct 29

NANNY ANON, hello darlings ‘ salutations to all who grace the blog of our beloved Skippy. 🐼. WELL , I’ve made the decision I was debating on yesterday. I’ve decided to remain at KP in the employment of the present mistress ( god bless her and himself) because I ‘ much like M have fallen in love with little 🦄🦎And 👶. It’s a constant privileged challenge to be part of this family, The Sunday night gatherings looking at the social media laughing at the ageing train wreck. Love to all. TTFN. 🤣🤣

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Nov. 1

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, Little C is refusing to change out of her Halloween costume 🦄, and we’re all going down to Sainsbury’s to buy some giant marshmallows to roast for the rugby match. When C digs her little feet in there’s no movement. The mistress is having quite a debate with the little one trying to see reason. In the end the RPO got her to change by promising her he’d find a police helmet as a substitute. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN

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Nov 4

NANNY ANON, hello darlings ‘ O joy!! Today M&myself take little C and G (with their poppies) to RP zoo with RPO. ( one of the zoo keepers are going to fix a Unicorn to a zebra 🦄for little C.) and G will gain access to the reptile house to look at all the 🦎🦎 “ what larks pip old chap” the mistress is having some down time back at KP with little L. Afterwards we’re all of to Harrods for 🍨🍦. So much joy for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Nov 9

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Nov 11

NANNY ANON , hello darlings, my day off with M. We are exhausted darlings, absolutely knackered. Little C had a sleepover with four friends (fiendish demons) , OMG it was the sleepover from hell , first’ we put them all in the nursery, made up beds and lots of 🦄🧸🛴🏓🍪🍿🧁🍕👧👧👧👧stuff to play with and favourite eats. Only problem they didn’t want to sleep, himself had a few words to Little C at one in the morning because of the screams. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN. Bless.

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Nov 18 (Royal Variety)

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, tonight M and I had too draw lots as to who went to the RVP. I lost , so I’m looking after the little ones. The mistress spent the afternoon getting ready as the dresser fitted the last tucks to the bodice. My goodness she looked magnificent when she walked down the stairs all the little ones cheered and clapped. Tonight it’s a treat, we’ve ordered 🍕 PIZZA and knickerbocker glory’s such a joy. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Nov 19

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, a wonderful evening was had by all at the the RVP. The mistress and himself stunned all who met them with there relaxed countenance, early that evening the little ones started to write a present list to Santa. Little C was the most vocal inquiring how Santa arrives on his sled and parks his reindeer on the roof of KP and shimmy’s down the chimney ( she’s now asking to sleep near the fireplace to meet Santa ???? ) all too much for a white Lady,TTFN. 🎄🎄🎄🎅🎅🎅

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Nov 21

NANNY ANON, M and I went to see “ The sound of music “ tonight, we both love the film. We spent the day with the little ones and C had somehow got hold of one of the mistresses cameras 📸 and was ( would you believe it) taking photos of M G boss baby and me. I asked her to give me the camera as it was mummies and all I got was , NO !! later I saw the snaps she took and was surprised. I returned the camera to the mistress who looked amused. Little C been watching mummy. TTFN. 📸📸📸

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Nov 22

NANNY ANON, haddow darlig 😷🤧🤧 I dink I got vlue, my node I’d all blogged up , god a rodden hed and snoddy node. The lidda wonds is so fuddy, lidda C broughd be up bregvast od a tray. Bledd, da midredd called he dogta ad he gave be sum pawasetamol , M Id doig grate. Ib dink I’ll ged sub shudii , ord doo buch for a wide Lady, DDFN.

Ohhhh flu has hit KP! Hope you have a quick recovery 😔❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Nov 23

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, still a bid bunggd up, but I’m sure I’ll be ok within the week, M and I are looking after little G and boss baby today,the mistress has gone to a shopping mall outside London with little C for Christmas shopping. Things are hotting up for the holidays and this weekend they bring the Christmas 🎄. Then we can have real fun dressing it. Back to wee boss baby 👶. TTFN.

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Dec 3

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, M&I very exited,tonight is the school nativity play and the mistress and himself has invited us. G is a wise king and little C is an “angel on high” …… M wickedly suggested boss baby could be baby Jesus 😱😱, But I don’t think the school is ready just yet. Little C has to say “and behold ‘ the three wise Kings” can’t wait, it’s going to be a hoot!! We all helped to make the costumes , G wore his this evening and looked very regal ( prophetic), and little C with wings.

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Dec 7

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, is the mistress pregnant ‘ all I can say is little Lottie wants a pony for Christmas and himself has quite rightly affirmed that she’s much to young. I think in a couple of years great auntie Anne would be the first to help her into the saddle. We’re all looking forward to the forthcoming banquet ( I wonder if the mistress will wear the emeralds)’ enough gossip, all too much for a white Lady, TTFN.

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Dec 8

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, Lottie has just returned from a visit to the “stables” at the royal mews. (Enough said) , himself has retired to the lounge after breakfast 🥞, pancakes and crispy bacon 🥓 with maple syrup to laugh at the Sunday tabloids. The mistress is having a “late morning” so M and myself are busy with boss and George who is finishing his homework 📚. Another Sunday joy. TTFN.

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Dec 10

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, it’s manic at KP , in a good way !! the mistress is becoming enthusiastically involved in her tennis lessons, ( several professional players lining up to coach her) my lips are sealed, Little Lottie is on a mission … it’s a day long mantra from the darling girl , anyone who she thinks will have sway with W&K is propositioned about the “pony”. I think some of her older school chums ride out. I bet Gan Gan soon enters the equation. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Dec 11

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, busy this morning ,decision to choose what C&G will wear for the Christmas walk to the service , winter coats and warm socks are the key. It’s going to be a joy seeing them for the first time at the Sandringham service with W&K. M and I are going home for Christmas M has invited me to Spain with her family, wonderful and the food darlings, I’m in for a real treat. Little Lottie will certainly have a pony ride for Christmas I’m sure, Such joy!! TTFN.

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Dec 13

NANNY ANON, hello darlings , we have cancelled our holiday In Spain 🇪🇸, duty calls darlings, we had a chat with the mistress and himself last night and decided we’re going to accompany the family for Christmas, it’s our love for the children and to help the mistress, a joy really. Also the BP PR are briefing the DOD of C about forthcoming commitments. On a lighter note, tonight’s Blog night 😂😂😂 skippy,pg,and troll the colonial Banshee. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Dec 16

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, Little Charlotte is Bewildered as to why there are no unicorn pony’s. The answer Zara gave was Unicorns are different , pony’s are special, clever Zara!! Lottie is full of questions, ( that age) it’s a daily challenge of wits. Last night was blog night, such fun ,all the usual suspects, where is @printskylie ? Never miss pg and her interpretations, so clever , the mistress loves skippy and Hunnymae , duty calls!, all too much for a white Lady, TTFN.

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Dec 16

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, O’thank you all so for your messages, the unicorn presents 🎁 look fab. I’ll pass on your message, but I’m sure the the mistress has all information directed to her MPC. ( amazing device). W&K are both very high Tech. My life is full of love and joy, I’ve got Lottie a picture edition of “ The night before Christmas”

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Dec 17

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, the children all sat watching TV, and watching mummy and daddy make cup cakes and roulades. EPIC . The kitchen is now centre of the universe, Lottie and George M and I making cup cakes and roly poly Christmas chocolate logs. Lots of mess and icing sugar. 👦🏼👧👶🧁🍰🍪🎂🍩 it’s boss baby, “ Mary Mary” Christmas 🎄 we are blessed, TTFN

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Dec 18

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, himself is taking C&G ice skating this afternoon, I think this is another diversion from pony’s. It’s a dismal afternoon,raining in London so I think the little ones will enjoy the outing , the mistress is off to play a few sets of tennis with her coach. M and I are going to check online for some new clothes for boss baby, he seems to grow by the day!! This is a busy time leading up to a family Christmas, I think it’s Sandringham this year but arrangements are 

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Dec 29

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, such a busy Christmas, the little ones were so exited with presents and gifts from the public. The mistress had a clearinghouse Of presents 🎁. A large amount of them go to local hospitals. Believe me they are talking thousands!! There’s a pink Flamingo in Little Lotties bedroom though.M and I are going to have a wee holiday over the new year, it’s been a wonderful Christmas. All too much for a white Lady,TTFN. ( sorry for no posts) been V. busy with the little ones.

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Dec 31

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, M&I and a bottle of celebrity plonk, our night off so it’s on with a movie,feet up and relax. All the i are crossed and the Ts are dotted , o dear the drink 🥤 has taken effect ………… we both wish shoo a happy new year and prosperoush , prosperoust, positives, O you get it , we never normally celibate like this , o dear, all too much for a white Lady ,TTFN. 🍹🍷🍾🍸🥂……………☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️

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