#and i'm talking to myself like 'everyone will judge you if you post it'

[toa-greatmind-nothingislittle]

grrr i know logically that there’s not a “right way” to be a fan of anything and that cringe is dead we killed it yadda yadda but every time i want to talk about an interest i have that i haven't talked about before/in a while i convince myself i will be shot dead for my hubris

[thethingything]

apparently sometimes I will just fall asleep for 2 hours, have a dream that consists entirely of having a lovely conversation with someone I really want to talk to more, then wake up, realise the conversation never happened, also remember how much I struggle with starting conversations sometimes, then just end up getting frustrated and upset about it

[raysrambles]

on the day the election results got announced, one of my friends wasn't at school. she was the friend that I had the most classes with, and I remember as the hours ticked by the painful knowledge that she wasn't sick, not physically, but that she just couldn't bear to be there that day.

i overheard classmates talking. "how are you?" asked one; in a broken voice, another: "I don't know".

"I'm scared," was the most common sentence I heard that day. "i can't live like this," said someone in the hallway; "we've still got each other," said another in what I desperately wanted to believe was hope.

"I prayed last night for the first time since I was five," said a friend of a friend; I looked out the classroom window at the cloudy sky and wondered if there was a god, and if he had heard them.

I watched people break down crying in the middle of class. by the end of the day, several kids had left school early.

"I need to get out of here," I said to my friends at lunch. "we're not going to make it another four years," said one of them grimly. how dystopian, how orwellian was it that a group of seventeen year olds were so casually discussing their escape from the country they had grown up in, the country that had raised them only to throw them to the dirt before they were even able to vote?

after school i drove to another school for a debate tournament. one of the judges who I hadn't seen in a year and with whom I'd only had one or two conversations came up to me and asked "how are you doing?"

"could be better," I admitted, "but I'm surviving." that was a bit of an understatement; there were tears in my eyes even as I spoke.

"I'm here," she told me, this woman who I hardly knew, and I realized that she was asking because she remembered one of our only interactions, a year ago, where I had casually mentioned being trans--

--and her gaze flitted down to my shoes, where back then I had had beads in the colors of the trans flag, beads that weren't there anymore, not because of any change in myself but that of the world around me.

"I'm here," she said again, and we stared at each other for a few seconds. I managed a "thanks", not trusting myself to say anything else.

that night I went onto Instagram. someone I hadn't spoken to since we fell out over a year ago had texted me a simple "I love you and am with you" type of message. all of my friends and even people I hardly knew were posting about the election, and I remembered

back when Biden was elected, the Republicans I saw online reacted with hatred, disgust, doubt for his abilities

but now all I saw from the ones who had lost this battle was fear

when the other side lost, they had the privilege of hatred

now that we've lost, all we can do is fear.

terrified sixteen, seventeen, eighteen year olds, in flurries of messages to long-gone friends and frantic posts. I had never felt more united, and yet I could not relish in our closeness because I knew it was not the closeness of friends but the closeness of soldiers too young for war, huddling close as their imminent death rained down from the sky, searching for some last comfort at the end of their too-short stories.

"I won't pretend this isn't as bad as it is," I typed out, "honestly I'm freaking scared. But we owe it to ourselves not to let this be the end of our beliefs.

"We still know we're right, even if the government doesn't agree. We're still all in this together.

"Love to everyone who's affected by this. I'm right here with you. Stay safe everyone."

I posted the Instagram story, praying to a god I didn't know that the words were true.

the next night when the house and senate election results came in, I cried, and it was not pretty crying, it was a child wracked with sobs in the dark on the floor of their room because they were only seventeen and terrified for their future.

I spent a long time writing that night, something I do to process my thoughts when everything is too much. I will simply offer this passage, which I think speaks for itself.

"Shall I tell them I am afraid because of the election? Shall I tell them that all day I have felt like a child masquerading as a man, scared of the boogeyman as i am scared of the fascist-like creature whose grasp is tightening and whose claws never cease, closing in on lives like a predator its prey? That I am a child scared of insignificance, of a fate I did not choose, of becoming a meaningless name among many, not of democracy falling but of not being the one who felled it?"

So to everyone celebrating the election, I'm glad that you're happy, truly I am. But I ask you to think of me and my friends, still children, most of us not quite old enough to even have our say in this country, as you laugh and rejoice and mock all of us who you defeated.

How many times must we cry, must we fall, must we watch each other die before enough will be enough?

Will it ever be enough?

[hypnotic-kink]

Tan lines?:)

100% RANT

Please don't take this personal @builtincalifornia, I'm not directing these comments towards you. I get the ASK, I went on vacation, and I have posted pics of my tan before & bikini pics. I did take some tan line pics and a few full body bikini pics on vacation, I was going to post them, but one super disrespectful guy ruined that request, so no, no tan lines will be posted ... I feel mentally abused after that guy. I also know I post some provocative pics and it can attract the mega pervs (who I end up blocking), I get it, I accept that will happen occasionally, and I can handle most comments. Some will say because I post pics "I'm asking for it," well, that's a bullshit cop out because you can have all the pervy thoughts you want to have, but you're either a decent human being in comments/DMs or not, so that excuse doesn't fly with me. Do better! Show your appreciation in a respectful way! I've gotten good at sidestepping this stuff but now I need to be crystal clear, my pictures give NO ONE the right to message me sexually, make demands, say nasty things and then get pissed when I say no and proceed to call me every name in the book. He's blocked and I will block anyone that displays childish behavior like that in DM or in my comments. If you agree with Him, block me and good riddance. If you think my pics are hot or sexy ...hey then I accomplished what I set out to do! I enjoy getting the aesthetics right on my pics, and that's awesome and I'm flattered when people think I took a great pic. Glad you like them! I also enjoy interacting on comments too, again, nothing wrong with that, newsflash, this is a photography and chat site (not a dating app). If I'm commenting to you that still isn't an open invitation to sexual comments or give anyone the right to have expectations towards me and I'll say most of you guys have been PRETTY AWESOME and I've cleaned out the really degrading ppl that used to make all the crude remarks. My blog IS a NSFW site after all, and I AM allowed to post whatever my little heart desires and let my exhibitionist side out in a safe environment if I chose to, there is NOTHING wrong with that. Don't get it twisted. I'm not here for a hook up, and I'm certainly not here to get you off. No one has the right to demand pictures of me. After 1 1/2 yrs. on this blog, the people I am friends with and do talk to in DM, you're there for a reason .... thank you for knowing my boundaries and respecting them and thank you for your friendship. Yes, women are allowed to have male friends on here, that doesn't mean we are sexting or have a sexual relationship with all of them. I do appreciate and value you. You're the best :)

To the people that want to judge me based off my posting sexy personal pictures. KISS MY ASS, you don't know me. You haven't even tried to know the woman behind the pictures & I don't have to agree with any Dom on his opinion & I certainly don't have to obey demands, from anyone, male, female, Dom or not. I'm sure there are many women who post pics that feel the same way as I do. Am I a sexual person? Absolutely, but I'm also not all about sex, so stop with the assumptions. I'm also a one-on-one relationship kind of women who isn't poly and isn't into multiple guys. So many like to lump all us women who post pics together like we're all sexting everyone in this place, but for me personally, you're wrong. I'm sure there are some men in here that the same assumptions are made too. I am not sexting any man in here and I say that publicly because I know it's the truth. I'm not a whore, a slut, or easy because I post pictures of myself. I'm pretty damn selective and there are many in here that know that and have said perhaps my expectations are even too high. AGAIN, No one owns me in here, I'm not a punching bag for you to hurl derogatory words at if you don't get your way and no one has the right to have any expectations of me, nor send dick pics, and I don't even have to respond to DMs if I choose not to. I'm always nice and polite to people who message, until it's time not to be. Me being polite is also not an invitation to say sexual comments. If I wanted to go down that path, I would, and you would know it. I'm not looking. Also, when men post their own pics, I support them 100%, that does not mean I want to get with them, or I'm perving on them. It takes guts to put yourself out there, for men and women. Men and women support me so why wouldn't I support them?! You guys all rock too! While I'm on a rant, do not, I repeat do NOT ask for more pictures of me if you do message me. READ PROFILES DAMMIT, mines crystal clear. PS: I am far from a prude, just sick of comments that men would never say to me if they were face to face with me in real life.

[pamicakery]

₊✩‧₊˚౨ You're not a THAT GIRL ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Let's have a real talk here, maybe people will disagree but I don't care, I want to be honest with you.

What is wrong with Law of Assumption on tumblr? Like.. You may not have noticed but the mix between LOA x Clean girlish Bad Girl Won-youngish pinkish stuff... We are leaving and distancing ourselves from the real main subject.

NO

Loa is not having a bad bitch mindset who says '' fucks the world I'm gonna rule ''. There is a thin line between arrogance and confidence.

NO

You don't value less than a Bad bitch because you have insecurities or you are scared of your manifestation not gonna happen. Stop shaming people about their '' Victim mindset ''. I know, I talked about that in a previous post. But I will never judge someone because they have it, it's normal to have a victim mindset but you shouldn't dwell in that. You can surpass that.

NO

Waking up at 4 am, doing pilate, buying expensive products, drinking lemon water and eating fruits and yogurt won't give you a better self concept.

And NO

If everyone is THAT GIRL then no one is!

You just want to be like everyone and what about you?

If you want to be pretty, be pretty for yourself.

If you want your SP, they will love you for who you are with your flaws, your personality. I bet you don't want to be loved only for your look right? :(

I am not belittling coquette, pinky girls. But let's not transform the Loa into a '' pretty popular and arrogant girl '' club.

The real glow up is inside, in your mind.

You need to grow from a '' I can't do it '' mindset to '' I can do it '' mindset. This is the real glow up.

There is no '' Better version of yourself ''. There is just one version of yourself and this version evolve.

The better version of yourself is not the version approved by society.

You are worthy, you deserve good things and you can evolve.

You can change your appearance, you can have your celebrity SP, be abundant, healthy.

Life is not True Beauty. You will not glow up physically and everyone will love you. You will be obsess with your appearance, and hide yourself behind diets, work out and when everyone will find out how you look without make up, your world will fall appart because you don't truly love yourself as who you truly are and your insecurities will blow out on your face making you realize that despite everything you don't like yourself.

Where is the confidence when you can't be yourself? For real? Stop thinking that you can't do this because you don't have that fire confidence, if you want to be shy be it, you want to be kind, be kind. Don't lower yourself, and don't look upon anybody because they manifested their dream life.

Be yourself.

I came at a point that, as long as I have myself, I have someone. The only one you should compare yourself is with yourself.

The real glow up, is in your mind. Accept yourself with your flaw and accept that you can change and have a better life, opportunities, love, beauty.

Loving yourself as who you are will be the best success you can achieve.

Macha latte and pink eyes patches won't give you your manifestation and your desire life. It won't.

Persisting and knowing you deserve better will.

Don't limit yourself upon what society call success. You can manifest huge mansion, ton of cars, being a model. I wanted to be that, a model, loved by many. Mostly because I have toxic parents who always criticized me. I'll be honest with you, I cry sometime, asking myself '' where is my desire? '', I am jealous, envious and I ask myself '' What's wrong with me? ''.

I wanted to be a model and be called '' the most beautiful woman in the world '' just to brag about it with my celebrity SP. Thinking that if I become a model, he will notice me.

But you know what?

I want to know my worth, I want to have confidence in my manifesting abilities, be healthy, have friends who love me for who I am, and my Sp accepting me as who I am.

know that you deserve the world no matter who you are.

Just like the gravity works the same for everyone. Don't destroy yourself thinking that you will manifest better, don't downgrade yourself because '' Only the pretty popular girls '' manifest.

The real glow up is accepting that you can have your dream life no matter what.

I want my mindset to be strong, I want it to believe that it can change my life, I want my mindset to know that it is powerful. I want to look into my imagination and be sure at 100% that it's true. I want to be myself, to believe in myself.

Be your own validation & believe in yourself.

[lieslab]

Nothing new

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Minho X gn reader

Summary: Minho finds you on the porch when the hurt from the issues your father gave you tends to bubble up and fizz over.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 1.3K

Trigger warning: Daddy issues, grief, depression, anxiety, mentions of physical violence and emotional abuse.

A/N: I forgot that I wrote a daddy issue post like a week or two ago because I have the memory of a goldfish. I haven't done a Minho drabble in a while and honestly, this was one hundred percent completely self-indulgent and I cannot lie about it. I was spiraling and this was what conjured up in the middle of my grief. I'm so sorry if you can relate, we deserve better <3

_ _ _

"Why are you hanging out here alone?” Minho plopped down beside you on the back wooden porch. 

You couldn’t remember how long you had been here. Maybe it was mere minutes or maybe it was more like hours. Time seemed to blend together out here and you let it. 

The sun was starting to set. It painted the sky with roaring reds and bright oranges. Streaks of clouds were beginning to fade further and further away into the distance. Soon the sun would set and the moon would begin to climb the darkened skies. 

“I’ve been calling your name for a while. I thought you were in our bedroom, but you didn’t respond. I even thought you were showering until I found the bathroom empty. I was starting to think you had been kidnapped or something.” 

You shrugged, “I’m just here.” 

“So what are you thinking about?” 

“Noth-” 

“Bullshit. You don’t turn into a recluse unless you’re truly struggling with something. You know that I’m not going to judge you, so what are you really thinking about?” 

“Everything all at once.” 

“Anything specific?” 

“Family.” 

His face softened at the mention of your family. Life with your family has been chaotic. He knew the stories, you always told him about them. More specifically, he knew the issues that you had with your father. 

“Daddy issues again?” 

“Or perhaps my brain is the issue.” You shifted and leaned back. Your legs hung down the descending stairs, but your upper half clung to the deck. “I just…I just wish I could stop making it a big deal. I wish things didn’t affect me so much. I wish actions and words would run off me like water instead of sticking.” 

“It’s not wrong to mourn the things you missed out on. I understand that it must be hard to deal with the cards life gave you. Everyone has struggles and yours just happens to be your father.” 

“You’d think it’d stop once you grow up.” 

He paused for a moment and his eyes went out to the backyard. Off in the distance, the shared vegetable garden bloomed. Bright grown plants flourished in every direction. Two white cabbage butterflies chased each other around and around. Soon they’d land on an outer cabbage leaf and begin to munch away without a care in the world. 

“I think realizing it when you get older makes it worse. You become aware of the injustice and hurt which causes a cognitive disconnect. It makes it cut that much deeper. You don’t have to feel bad for feeling something so natural.” 

“You know what the worst part is?” You finally got out. The sting of tears began to collect in the corners of your eyes. “He’s not even a good man. We’re talking about one of the worst people out there and yet I still feel myself chasing after him.” 

“The kind of person who picks strangers over his own children. The type who spends money on stupid things instead of the youngest child’s needs. The kind of person who has no issue yelling and screaming in someone’s face. The kind that lets their anger control them and make all the decisions.” 

“But yet…I keep chasing. I keep hoping and praying. I’ve started to talk to God,” a tearful snort fell from your mouth. “I don’t even know if I believe in him, but I’ve talked to him. I keep asking for a better father, but all I hear is silence.” 

“They say you should stay in contact with your parents because they’re your parents, but what if a parent is making you so stressed and upset, your hair falls out? What if it leads to sobbing and emotional distress? What if it leads to screaming and fighting? What if trying to love my father is what kills me?” 

Minho’s heart broke apart at your words. He knew it was bad and it had been for a while, but he didn’t know it was this bad. His hand instinctively reached out for yours. The warmth of his palm connected with yours and curled around your fingers. 

“And you know what the worst part is?” 

“Hmm?” 

“If I leave him, that’s it. He won’t change and try to become a better person. He won’t think about his actions and go out of his way to change. He’ll just point the finger and belittle me. Run my name through the mud to every family member. He’ll belittle me, turn me into an outsider, pull the curtain over everyone’s eyes again. He’ll always be the good father in his eyes and I’ll just become another asshole that did him wrong. Just like the hundreds of other people that he once upon a time knew.” 

Narcissism was deadly for some. Too much of an ego and too much self-imposed-importance left people craving attention. No matter whose character they had to rip apart, they’d do it. Whether that meant belittling them to everyone they knew, screaming at them, or even assaulting them. 

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. 

All the attention had to be swallowed by them. Like some sort of powerful sun, the rays never knew how brightly they burned. Any ounce of criticism was a pot of boiling hot water. 

The huffs and puffs. The finger in your face. The yelling and screaming as spit flew everywhere. The broadening rage that seemed to fill the room without a single sound. The angry marching from them as you tiptoed along on eggshells. Just when you let out a breath, they snapped and lashed out. 

You didn’t have time to react before you became a victim of another episode. Another rage fest where things went flying. When the refrigerator door slammed shut so hard that the shelves full of condiments shook. The way that cupboards were dented from the force of wood slamming against wood. 

Your dad would always be your dad, but he’d never be a good father. You could cry and cry and cry. You could cry enough tears to create an ocean, but it’d never be enough to wash the hate out of your father. That realization caused your heart to break apart. 

Your biological father would never love you, at least, not the way you loved him. Your chasing was starting to slow down. You could spend a few more years chasing his love and begging on your knees for it, but when was the last time your father said he loved you? 

When was the last time you were your father’s child? When was the last time that your father seemed to give a shit about you? Did he know your favorite color? Did he know the songs that caused your heart to boom with adrenaline? 

Better yet, did he know something as simple as your birthday? Does he know or does he laugh as he asks you because it’s not such a big deal to him? So when he hands you a card from the dollar store with his name, does it feel just as worthless as his love for you? 

“Is it wrong to want to be loved?” 

“Never. It’s never wrong to be loved and I’m sorry you don’t have that kind of love. If you want me to, I’ll share my father with you.” 

“I haven’t even met your father.” 

“Oh, I was talking about Bang Chan.”

“Minho!” You leaned over to lightly slap his shoulder. Before you could reach it, he jerked out of reach. His hand grabbed your wrist and he jerked you closer. 

“Hey!” 

Your annoyance instantly dissolved the moment his lips met yours. Your body relaxed and you began to kiss him back. At this moment, none of your father’s lack of love mattered. Right now, you had this and what a fool you’d be to ever give it up.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

[maxknightley]

Which Touhou Girls Can You Plausibly Read As Butch? A Comprehensive Overview

Earlier on Tumblr I saw a post complaining that someone called Hecatia Lapislazuli from Touhou Project butch. This is Hecatia Lapislazuli:

Obviously, like most Touhou characters, she is in fact quite feminine - she just shops at Hell Hot Topic. But it got me thinking: In a series like Touhou, with a cast overwhelmingly defined by feminine (if rowdy) ladies, how many characters could you say are 'butch' without sounding like a complete doofus or significantly redesigning them to fit your headcanon?

CRITERIA

I'll be using four main criteria to judge characters' butchness. In real life, of course, butchness is a multivalent and extremely personal thing, but I'm talking about funny cartoon women from a video game here, so I'm willing to be a little reductive.

These criteria, in order of descending importance, are:

FASHION. In a series where goddamn near everyone is in either a dress or a skirt, the mere act of Wearing A Dress Shirt can be enough to make a powerful statement. Hats may also play a role here, given how many Touhou characters have gay little hats.

HAIRSTYLE. Short hair is not the be-all and end-all of butchness. I, myself, am Decidedly Butch even though I've been growing out my hair since college. But the length and styling of the hair are still a valuable indicator of how someone thinks of themself and wants to be seen.

'TUDE. Could this character be accurately described as "kind of a frat boy?" How do they speak to others? Do they just kind of seem like a character who ought to be butch, regardless of their looks? Do they even lift?

COMEDY FACTOR. Self-explanatory. This will probably only come into play if I run into a weird edge case.

I'll also emphasize that we're grading on a curve here - butchness is being assessed relative to the characters who do not appear on this list. Nobody in this series has a buzzcut, you know what I mean?

THE TIER LIST

AS CLOSE TO CANON AS WE'LL GET

Fujiwara no Mokou. The girl wears a dress shirt, fucking suspenders, and trousers. Not shorts, actual full-length pants. She's also in a perpetual love-hate mutual-murder situationship with Princess Kaguya, who is femme as all fuck. Obviously you don't have to be butch to date a femme - I'm just saying it feels Fitting given their whole deal.

Yuugi Hoshiguma. Most of the time, her fashion sense is actually quite feminine - but her look in the most recent chapter of Cheating Detective Satori, with the one exposed shoulder and the sarashi and all that, significantly alters the balance. Her hair actually reads as more masc to me when she keeps it long and unruly - when she puts it up in a ponytail, she ends up looking very kempt, even elegant. The deciding factor here is 'Tude: Her sheer levels of butch swag are off the fucking charts. (Still, I wouldn't blame someone for arguing she should be knocked down a tier - especially since I'd argue the Comedy Factor works in reverse here. She's way funnier if she doesn't think of herself as butch in the slightest.)

Minamitsu Murasa. In his original appearance I'd argue that Murasa is in "Reasonable" tier - maybe even as low as "Kind of a Stretch." But her big gay Jotaro jacket in Sunken Fossil World, combined with the emphasis on the weightiness and solidity of his trademark anchor, put her over the top. One of the only Touhou girls I consider worthy of being He/Himmed.

Shinmyoumaru Sukuna. The other He/Him-worthy Touhou girl. Very short, slightly messy hair; wears a kimono, not a dress; inheritor of Issun-Boshi's legacy; wears fucking dinnerware as a hat. Why do you want to be Big so badly, huh? So you can pick up women more easily? So you can carry your awful wife through the upside-down threshold of your upside-down bedroom?

Raiko Horikawa. For the longest time I thought her skirt was a pair of shorts because I straight up could not parse it as anything else. Even now I'm like "that can't possibly be a skirt, ZUN just drew it weird. She has to be wearing a full two-piece suit." Skirt aside, her jacket/dress shirt/necktie are still undeniable, as is her short hair. Also, she is a taiko drum given life, and I feel like taiko and timpanis are naturally butch. Maybe if she was a tambourine or a set of bongos I'd rank her lower?

Momoyo Himemushi. Rough-talking miner. Wears a dress shirt, leaves the top button(?) undone. Tromps around a big weird cave with no shoes or socks on. Wears bows and bangles basically everywhere but in her messy, tangled hair. Also, maybe I'm stereotyping here, but I just can't picture a centipede as being femme.

REASONABLE

Wriggle Nightbug. The dress shirt, cape, and puffy shorts all paint a vivid picture, but I just feel like I don't have a strong enough opinion on Wriggle as a character to put her in the top tier. In other words, she's got plenty of points for Fashion and quite a few for Hairstyle, but I just don't think the 'Tude is sufficient for me.

Reisen Udongein Inaba. The skirts are a strike against her, but her whole "dress shirt + necktie + sometimes suit jacket" thing makes a big difference, especially given that we're grading on a curve. Her rumpled ears and (particularly in Inaba of the Moon, Inaba of the Earth) pathetic demeanor go a long way towards giving her a vibe somewhere between "overworked salaryman" and "Detective Columbo."

Aya Shameimaru. All you need to know about Aya is that her "human reporter" disguise looks like This:

Mononobe no Futo. Butch, but in a really weird, circuitous way, imo. Like. She's sort of wearing a dress, but it's sort of a robe - the contrast of the hemline with her big flowy sleeves makes it hard to pin down - and her outfit quite notably has tassels rather than any kind of frills. I don't know what the hell is up with her hat but it's definitely not femme by any stretch of the imagination. Then thou hast the wayes in which she speaketh all "faux-olde-timey," even though nobody else in the setting does that... she transferred her soul into a plate, but she also throws plates around as weapons... It's like she's constantly putting on a performance that only she truly understands. It's like she reverse-engineered "masculine womanhood" by hanging out with a bunch of queens and doing kind of the same thing but kind of the inverse. The more I think about Futo the more I think she's entirely on her own wavelength, but I think "Reasonable" tier is a... uh, reasonable... approximation for the sake of this post.

Sagume Kishin. She dresses like if Bill Nye were a woman, and I think that cuts to the heart of it - she reminds me of a professor who you're not ever sure is gay, but you kind of pick up on a vibe, and near the end of the semester she offhandedly refers to "her partner" and you're like HOLY SHIT I KNEW IT. I went back and forth between putting her in "Reasonable" and "Kind of a Stretch"; ultimately, the Comedy Factor decided it because I couldn't stop thinking about a scenario where she says she's a woman, accidentally upends her whole understanding of gender in the process, and ends up taking testosterone while still ID'ing as a lesbian. I don't actually know if her powers would work that way and I don't care.

KIND OF A STRETCH

Eiki Shiki. I don't have a lot to go on, here, because she hasn't had many official appearances and seems to spend most of her time lecturing people or tormenting sinners. Her uniform(?)/apothecary outfit(??) is pretty snazzy; combined with the hat, it gives her a vaguely "military officer" look to me. We'll call her "butch pending further investigation," which I think she would agree is the correct course of action.

Sekibanki. She's here partially because of the cape, and partially because being sandwiched between Wakasagihime and Kagerou makes her look way more masc by contrast. I know what I said.

Ringo. It's pretty much just the hat and the pants, though - as a butch woman who Loves Eating - I am also inclined to project my own experiences onto her.

Aunn Komano. She reads as more "tomboyish" than outright "butch" to me, what with her whole puppy-dog vibe, but at the same time... she's very much wearing shorts and the kind of goofy-looking button-up shirt that is central to my own wardrobe and the wardrobe of other butches in my life. I'm willing to count her.

Takane Yamashiro. A living testament to the power of small character design choices. I would never in a million years call Nitori butch, even with her gay little hat and all the pouches on her outfit - she just looks like a girl scout. Takane, though? Takane, with her little hair swoopy, and the fucking suitcase slung over her back, and her camo-print dress? I mean - ultimately it is still a dress, which is why I can't justify scoring her higher, but she's definitely chewing tobacco and riding around on an ATV on weekends.

Chiyari Tenkaijin. If she's butch, it's not really because she's trying to be butch, it's just because being femme seems too expensive and time-consuming. She's got better things to do (drink blood all day). Still, I think an argument could be made.

DEFINITELY A STRETCH, BUT I RESPECT IT

Renko Usami. ZUN is kind of inconsistent with how he draws her hat - sometimes it's more of a porkpie/fedora type thing, other times it's round-topped and looks a bit like Koishi's hat. To me, this is a crucial distinction. In a more general sense, I feel like Renko's outfit gets a little less plausibly-masc with each passing album, which says a lot about our society. Or her society, anyway, since she lives in the future. Still, the capelets and bowties...

Rinnosuke Morichika. I think it would be really funny if the only significant male character in Touhou wasn't actually even a dude. I'm not aware of any real textual support for this interpretation, though.

Shou Toramaru. Pretty much only on here because of the hair and because I think there's a certain je ne sais quoi to her whole deal of "she's not a real tiger, she's the idea of a tiger that pre-Meiji Japanese people came up with from secondhand accounts."

Seija Kijin. Not even remotely butch by any stretch of the imagination... But if she did consider herself butch, isn't that exactly what she'd want you to think?

POTENTIALLY NOTEWORTHY EXCLUSIONS

Cirno. "Tomboyish" is not the same thing as "butch," to me, especially if you exclusively wear dresses. Also, I'm not sure Cirno even knows what a lesbian is.

Saki Kurokoma. Not actually butch, just a horse girl. (And a horsegirl.)

Mike Goutokuji. Can't tell if she's wearing a skirt or shorts. She's got short hair, sure, but the whole "matching bell collar and wristbands that also have bells attached" thing makes her look more like a Very Online Trans Woman who just figured herself out and hasn't started hormones or bought any new clothes yet.

[yuyu1024]

Cherry lips

Pairings: San x Y/N

Genre/tags: idol dating, au, establish relationship

Warning: 🔞 a little smut, cursing, sensual touching, making out, pet name, fluff too

~~~~[lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 1.3k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: just random drabble again. I made these a few days ago or probably a week ago.. but just posted now coz i forgot..? 😂

Also side note.....Adulting life is hard 🥲 hehe

Struggggling hahah anyways Have a nice day and night to everyone.

Brb.

***

San messaged you, saying he's not feeling well today. So after finishing your work, you hurriedly commuted to get to his dorm so you could check on him and see if he needs anything.

"Huh? Y/N, what are you doing here on a friday?" Seonghwa asks, surprised to see you standing at their front door.

"How's Sannie?" You ask

"Ahhh...." he chuckles. "He's in his room... acting like a baby." He moves yo the side, gesturing you to come in. "He already ate. Mingi cooked him a soup dish to make him feel a bit better."

"Does he have a fever?"

Seonghwa shakes his head, "He's a lot much better now. He has been deligent taking his medicines, drinking water and eating well."

You sigh a big relief. "Thank goodness..."

"He just finished showering and going back to bed to watch a movie... he is basically okay now actually.. so I'm not sure why he asked you to come?" Seonghwa says scratching his head.

"What else? San probably wants some cuddles from Y/N...and get babied even more." Mingi says as he comes out of his room. "He even asked for a hug from me yesterday when I gave him his food..." he chuckles remembering how San acts.

"Probably..." you agree.

"If you two get hungry... There is food in the fridge. I cooked something for lunch earlier... just heat it up." Mingi says as he ties his shoes. "Imma go to the studio... so..."

"Be safe... you and manager." Seonghwa says

"Bye!" You wave to Mingi.

And as soon as Mingi is out

"I'll be in my room and watch a kdrama... I'll put my speaker on... and if I do get out I'll put my headset."

You title your head to the side. "Why? What for?"

Laughing softly, "We all know how San is... when he asks for you..."

You suddenly felt your cheeks heat up from what Seonghwa just said. "Oh dear!" You cover your face.

"Don't worry... We don't judge... it's part of human nature and..."

"Does that mean... you guys could hear... oh dear!" You panic

"Yah... don't worry about it... we don't really hear it all out..  probably just once time... and we learned from it."

"Oh God!" Your cheeks and ears are totally red now.

Seonghwa pats you at the back. "Sorry... I should've not said anything..."

Shyly looking at Seonghwa. "No it's fine... if ever... hmmm... we.... well... I'll try to tell him to be more quiet... and.. me too..."

"Cute." Seonghwa pinches your cheek.

Caressing your cheek after Hwa pinches you. "I'll go and check on Sannie..." you say

"Okay... I'll go and make myself busy now." He scoffs before turning his back.

You waited for Seonghwa to totally shut his door before you march towards the opposite direction, where San's room is.

"San?" You call as you knock lightly.

No answer. It's quiet.

"Sannie...?" You twist the doorknob and slowly push it open. "Sannie??" You whisper while your head is slightly tilted to take a peek if he's there. "Hmm... maybe he's asleep..."

You slide one foot first and then the rest follows. You are very cautious, trying your very best to not make any loud noise that could wake your boyfriend.

Scanning the whole room, you see that the room looks okay, nothing to clean so far. The TV is on but with a very low volumn that you barely hear it.

'He must've forgot to turn it off or probably fell asleep without him noticing' you say to yourself as you carefully walk further more in and look for the remote to turn it off.

"What are you doing?"

You screach a bit loud the second you hear someone talk just as you turned off the TV, making the room completely dark.

"I've missed you."

It's San.

"Fuck! You scared me!" You're heart is beating out of your chest.

"I can feel it..." he sounds amused by you getting scared. "You're heart is beating so fast..." he have you in his embrace from your back. "Sorry if I scared you... I was just waiting for you to get close..." he sniffs you by the neck. "I didn't thought that you'll turn off the TV..."

"Well... me too...I didn't noticed that your mini light weren't open... now it's completely dark."

"Just turn on the TV again so we can see..." he snuggles onto you more while he wrap his arm around your torse. "You're wearing a blouse?" He asks as he let his hands feel your top.

"I came straight from work..." you say. "I was so worried about you when I read your message..."

"Sorry if I got you worried..." his slides two of his fingers between the gap of your buttoned up blouse. "Mingi and Seonghwa took care of me well... but the reason why I did texted you still is  because.. I miss you..." his fingers gently touches your breast. "I miss you so bad." He breathes in your scent from your nape

"I miss you too..." you take his other free hand and kisses his knuckle. "You're schedule have been hectic and I got bit busy too..."

"I'm free tomorrow and on sunday..." he hums, brushing his lips all over your exposed neck. "Stay with me..." he breathe the words as he turns your head towards him so he could kiss you. "Your lipgloss... taste like cherry..." you could hear him smile as he pulls away from the kiss

"Sannie... I need light... I want to see you..."

"You do?" He suddenly lets you go

"Hey!" You try to catch on and grab him as he moves away but you lost balance and fell off the bed. "Aw!!" Your knee hit the frame of the bed.

"Baby!" San panics and hurriesly switches on the soft light from the side of his bed.

You are wearing a black skirt with a slit on the side. And the expose knee hit the edge of the bed real hard.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah..." you are holding on to your knee. "It will be fine... though I'm sure I'll get a bruise..."

"Baby... I'm sorry." San grabs your face and kisses you on the lips and then on both cheeks.

"Hey... I hurt my knee...not my lips..." you chuckle.

A smile spreads across his lips and his cute dimple showing. "Please... stay..." Then he goes to kiss you again making you smile.

"Okay... But..." you raise your index finger and taps the tip of his nose. "No sex..."

"What? Why???" He pouts

"Well... unless we're not alone." You sit down and suddenly remember how embarassed you felt earlier. "Just... I don't want them to hear us..."

"But they already did..."

"You know?!?"

"Baby, how can they not? We are loud... what do you expect?"

"Fuck!" You fall down on his bed, face down. "No! I didn't want them to hear." You mumble over his duvet.

"Baby..."

You suddenly got up. "No... control yourself okay? No sex... until we are completely alone."

"You're saying that but your face shows you are not happy with what you're trying to implement." San burts to a laugh looking at your troubled expression

"Fuck! I miss you too and of course... I nee-- no... I wan--- no..." you are trying to breathe in and breathe out. "No... I'm here to cuddle and take care of you. We can play games and watch movies... to divert ourselve."

"Whatever you say, baby." San leans in and kisses you on the lips again. "I'll do whatever you say..." he hums those words like he's testing if you will break seconds into your pep talk.

"Don't lure me, Sannie. You already opened my blouse... yes... but no..." you smile into the kiss...

"I can try again later." He then pinches your cheek as he pulls away from the kiss. "I love you."

[miyakokini]

Dance with you tonight

Neuvillette x fem!reader

HELLOOO hoping everyone will like this:D this is my first time posting -miya

No trigger warnings

It was the ball of the season for fontaine, it was known for many nobles attending this fancy ball.

Music instruments could be heard in harmony as people swayed and danced in the ballroom.. chatter, laughter, and clinking could be heard all around.

You stood around taking a look at your surroundings as you drank your glass of champagne.

You were in your silent place until someone disrupted that silence.

"Please excuse me, my lady.. may I ask what you are doing in such a quiet corner all by yourself?"

You stared at the man beside you, a man who has this beauty that could make every lady fawn over.. his slender yet muscular form.. hes taller than you, or probably the tallest man you've stumbled upon.

"why good evening to you, monsieur. I'm simply just enjoying my peace and quiet" you said smiling and opening your fan as you slowly fan it to your face with such grace.

"I hope I haven't disrupted your peace and quiet now have I?" He asked quite worried he must've disturbed you by creating a small talk.

You chuckled as you smiled and stared at him "why no, I don't mind having company in this evening ball."

"that's quite a relief then.." he said in relief and cleared his throat "ah excuse my bad manners, I am Neuvillette.. Ludex Neuvillette." He introduced himself, taking your hand into his lips politely.

I blushed as I took my hand back slowly, smiling as I fanned myself a little faster.. covering my face while being flustered..

"I am.. Y/n L/n.. pleasure meeting you, monsieur Neuvillette.." I smiled..

Neuvillette huh?.. well what a jackpot you have gotten, the judge himself in all his glory right in front of you.. the final judgement of all penalty.

"as we are speaking.. will you join me for a dance, mademoiselle (reader)?".

He held his hand out, slightly Bowing staring at you as he waits for your answer..

Of course I accepted it, it would be a waste of an opportunity.. no?

In the dance floor.. his hand on your waist, your hand on his shoulder as you held hands and gently swayed and danced as people watched in awe..

Your dress sways gracefully with every spin, every step you take as you danced under the spotlight.

The music is gentle and soothing as you two danced.. he carried you up with a Swift move before spinning you around and setting you down.

"you dance very gracefully, my lady" he spoke as he spun you around

"could say so for yourself, monsieur" you spoke back as you fell onto his hand.

The night was full of romance, as it felt like the time was moving so slow as you two danced.

Then there it came.. the end of the performance.

"thank you for accepting my invite, my lady"

"it was nothing really.." I smiled and bowed..

It was the best night you've ever had in every ball.. perhaps you could even get to know him next time?..

Fate truly is mysterious.

@ miyakokini, 2024 please do not copy, steal, use, or edit this post without my permission. reblogs and Interactions are appreciated<33!

THANK YOU FOR READING:DD

It really is short so I apologize for that.

[pixiecactus]

so in that fandom confessions post, of how people that like sansa and elia tend to depict lyanna and arya as wild and ugly when it's a canon fact that both of them were considered pretty.

there's a stansa claiming that they have never seen any elia or sansa stan do this. and i remember that old saying that goes "no hay peor ciego que el que no quiere ver" (sorry for not putting a translation, but i think that i'm pretty done with posting altogether, and i really hate this time of the year, so i couldn't care less right now)

so i went through their blog to see what content they reblog, and i find it so interesting how this is one of the tags they wrote.

i can only talk for myself, as someone who doesn't like sansa that much (i really appreciate that later on in the books we don't see her judging other girls or women for being sexually active; look at her go! she's growing and learning to be more accepting; i'm a little bit impressed)... actually i think it has come a time in my life where i really pity the girl for the fandom that she has; they don't like her canon personality, and they only use her as a vessel to project themselves into a "pretty, young, and naive maid" archetype in a fantasy setting.

but i want arya and sansa to reunite; actually, i even see them sharing a desperate hug because they need to confirm that the other one is real by touching them.

where the problem lies for me is people trying to erase the fact that arya and sansa don't have a good relationship. and meanwhile, i agree that arya loves her sister, because (i can't stress enough this next part) family is one of the most important things for arya. i can't say the same thing about sansa, for this girl, the most important thing is herself, and she doesn't like arya, simply as that, because her little sister dares to rebel and not conform to what is expected of her because she was born a girl. 

sansa can't connect to arya at all because she doesn't understand her; and instead of coming to terms with this fact, sansa wishes that arya was different and then later on when sansa thinks that arya is already dead, she thinks that

"arya had been entirely unsatisfactory as sisters went" (copy it up and google it, if you don't believe me, this is actually a book quote coming from sansa's pov)

let's add to the fact that sansa is one of the stark's golden children. sansa is praised all the time around by pretty much everyone. don't you think that sansa seeing this and seeing arya be reprimanded at the same time couldn't translate into sansa being entitled and holding the belief that she's always in the right and arya is a disgrace to all of her family?

they can bring that part, in which sansa prays for all of her family (arya included) all they want, but as someone who grew up catholic, when i was a little girl, i used to pray for people who i almost never interacted with, like my neighbors, and even the ones that i didn't like, because i was taught that was the way to be "a proper little girl under the eyes of god", so as a person with that past experience behind me, i'm simply not convinced of this act being significant enough.

i have major problems with sansa dreaming about having a daughter that looks just like arya too, because i can't get out of my head the thought of if this were to actually happen and sansa has a girl that looks like the girl's aunt, every time that child misbehaves or fails any of her duties... i can see sansa resenting arya even more, because sansa would blame arya for her daughter being this way.

i do really want them to reunite (hopefully this reunion is one of the last ones to happen because i want arya to be around people that had always loved her, you know, like jon and bran and even rickon) but sansa has not matured enough to be able to recognize that she hurt her little sister badly, and i'm pretty sure she could (and would) hurt her again easily, because she had so little growth as a person. so what it comes down to is that i don't trust sansa to be around arya.

and i'm so scared of the possibility of arya forgiving her sister way too easily because sansa hasn't shown almost any remorse for the things she said to arya. and let me be clear: in any way, shape, or form, arya never did anything to deserve to be treated this way. arya always deserved better from her older sister. and arya doesn't owe sansa any kind of forgiveness just because "they're the sun and the moon."

with that particular rant from me over and done. i saw this reblogged in their blog as speculation for arya in the future.

and this next type of posts are the things they reblog for arya.

and i'm going to let those posts and tags speak for themselves.

like this person is a stansa, a jonsa, a "stark sisters" stan, a dany anti and a green stan... like "girl (gender neutral), pick a struggle for real"

[koolaidoverliving]

HOW THE PASTAS TEXT

(IN MY AU AT LEAST this is a joke post but it goes with my AU because they all have a groupchat LMFAOOO)

Jeff: "I hate you all" "I'm going to kill myself" "SHUT THE FUCK UP" (gets bullied in the groupchat and has to defend himself constantly)

Jack: "how do i mute the groupchat" "ok" "?" (he never speaks there, replies to messages as shortly as possible.)

Toby: "Godmronjng" "Ijust got chased by a bear ." "no im not jokign i lost a finger" (sends random picture of his bleeding hand)

Lulu: "Hello." "Good morning, everyone. Send message how do I send the message is the message sent yet Jack is the message sent" (uses the voice feature because she cannot see the keyboard)

Clockwork: "WHY ARE THERE STILL BEARS OUTSIDE" "WHAT HAPPENED TO GETTING RID OF THEM" (sends angry voice messages in russian)

Ben: "yo" "lmfaoooo" "bruhh jeff ate all the cereal again 😭" (gamer speak 24/7, spreads rumours about everyone)

Sally: "Hoi :3" "O_O" "Can we go to the park today 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺" (excessive emoticons and emojis)

Lazari: "Your all mean" "What" "Kill you're self!" (grammar is nonexistent to her)

Nina: "haiii !" "@Jeff I LOVE YOU !! 🥰" "GUYSSS COME HERE" (shares random stories, pictures, and videos)

Bloody Painter: "🙂" "hi" "ok" (...dry as hell)

The Puppeteer: "hi helen" (only replies to helen's text messages)

Judge Angels: "Hello everyone 😊" "Understood 👍" (yeah she's just nice to everyone)

Candy Pop: "As the beauteous Sun peeked up on the horizon, I too arose from my slumber and declared that today shall be a blessed day." "Wherefore art thou tarnishing mine rights to speak?" (shakespearean... can't use tech so he makes nathan type everything for him)

Jason: "no you cannot 'take my mice' D:<" "what does 'kys' mean? "...U_U" (he likes using emoticons)

Nathan: "what the fuck are you all talking about???" "okay cool" "BYE" (muted the groupchat as soon as he got added)

Sadie: "hiii" "oh" "🥹" (too scared to send anything because she's shy but lucy sometimes types on her account)

Nurse Ann: "???" "Girl no." "Boy stop that." (she calls everyone girl or boy.)

Zero: "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CAPS LOCK" "MY WORDS ARE SIMPLY MORE POWERFUL THAN YOURS" (only speaks in caps)

Kagekao: "Good evening." "I hope we're all doing well." "Oh no, I assure you I'm not that formal." (yes he is)

X-Virus: "bruh" "who hasn't given me their blood yet?" (only uses the groupchat for his monthly check ups)

Kate: (she doesn't send messages, she just reacts to messages with emojis or sends pictures of her live reactions)

liu and jane not included bc they don't live in the town

lj not included bc he doesnt get rights to a phone

[veeluvss]

we'll get them

>1k

emily prentiss x daughter!reader

tw : nudes and sexual abuse

i pulled up outside the bau, feeling sick. garcia was in here and i was praying she could help me. i hadn't been able to show my face at school for months and mum had no idea. i couldn't tell her. i couldn't dare - what would she think of me? would she call me a whore? a slag? like the rest of them. i knew my mum was usually understanding but at the same time, this was serious.

i left the elevator with my visitor badge on and tried to stay out of sight. i knew mum was on a case and not in town but i didn't know about anyone else. i was well known at the bau, people loved me but i didn't want to be recognised now. i felt ashamed looking at my reflection.

i knocked on the door to garcia's computers and heard her little chime from inside 'two seconds my love'. she didn't know who it was but she called everyone the sweetest names. she just radiated love and positivity, i could already feel myself feeling better. to my shock, jj opened the door. "y/n!" she cheered, smiling widely. "y/n?" garcia said, spinning on her chair. "emily's on a case, did she not tell you?" jj said, concerned. "oh erm," i muttered and lowered my head. "i came to see garcia." "oh come in sweet cheeks!" garcia said, standing up and welcoming me in. "do you want me to leave you to it?" jj asked sweetly but something compelled me to shake my head. i needed her support too. "sit down baby, are you okay?" garcia asked. i felt sick. "i can't tell you so i'm going to show you," i mumbled. "okay," garcia said. i tapped away on my phone til i found the twitter post. i handed it to garcia and she looked at it. jj peering over her shoulder. "oh sugar plum," garcia mumbled. "does emily know?" jj asked me, sadness in her voice. i shook my head rapidly. "please don't tell her!" "y/n," jj sighed. she crouched down beside me and i felt tears welling up in my eyes. "babe, this was posted over a month ago, why didn't you come to me sooner?" "i couldn't leave my house." i buried my head in my hands and jj held me.

"i didn't take them," i whispered. "you didn't?" jj asked, putting some hair behind my ear. penelope was already looking at how to get rid of them, although it was hard. she was going to find the origin at least because then we know who posted them. "some guy," i began explaining. "we got drunk one night when mum was away and he - he forced me too. he used a polaroid and , and his phone but i didn't know he used his phone." "that's okay," jj muttered, stroking my hair. "right, i've got the person who posted it," garcia said. "however, it is one of them cases where it's on the internet and anyone can have them - especially after a month." i nodded, understanding. when she showed me the guy who posted them i felt even more violated as i didn't even know him. "baby, can we ring emily?" jj asked. "no! no you can't!" "she'll understand, she really will." "no, she can't see them." "she doesn't have to see them, we'll just be able to arrest him and get him put away for it. we can also get talking to the people who shared it." i began to cry. i wanted my mum, so bad. i just began to nod. jj and garcia were decent cuddles but nothing beat my mum. jj held me whilst garcia rang emily.

"what've you got for me garcia?" mum asked down the phone. "emily, are you alone?" garcia asked. "this is personal." "i don't really have time for personal-..." she began. "it's about your daughter so yes you do," penelope said. i smiled at that. we heard mum mumble a quick 'excuse me' to whoever she was with. "what's happened?" her voice was panicked. "JJ and i got a little unprompted visit from your baby today," garcia began. i hugged jj and she pulled me closer to her. "is she okay?" emily asked. "emily you can't judge, she's already hurt enough by it and she just needs her mum. okay?" "garcia, what is going on?" "someone posted pictures of her online, erm, not clothed." i hid in jj, not wanting to hear her response. there was silence for a minute. "do you know who?" she asked. "i tracked down the ip address." "does she know them?" garcia looked at me and i shook my head. "she does not." "i'm coming home," she hung up then. i couldn't tell if she was mad or upset or angry or disappointed. i felt sick. i just clung to jj, hoping she'd understand.

a few hours later, mum charged into garcia's office. i was sat on one of the desks, coffee in my hand and apple in the other. i gulped seeing her. she looked at me, between garcia and jj. "i need to see them." she said, holding out her hand. "no!" i said suddenly, getting down. "no mum, please." i begged. "y/n i need to see what they did to you." "emily," jj whispered as i shook my head over and over. "we've seen them. you don't need to see." "it's nothing i haven't seen before for christ sake!" she groaned, throwing up her hands. i began to cry then, she was angry. so so angry with me. "it's not the same em and you know it." jj said, putting a supportive hand on my back. "we have the IP address and we know who posted them online. we just need your orders to send someone to the house and get him arrested." "get him arrested and sent down. and anyone else who distributed it. no one is getting away with this," she said. i looked at her between my fingers and saw her expression soften at the sight of me. she sighed before pulling me into her arms.

"we'll get them," she said. "mum i'm sorry," i cried. "sorry? why on earth are you sorry?" she asked me, genuinely surprised. "i didn't know he was taking them, i didn't know they'd be posted. i dragged you away from a case," i explained, clinging to her blazer. "sweetheart," she whispered, caressing my hair. "this isn't your fault. at all." she pushed me away slightly and put her fingers under my chin so i looked at her. "i'm not mad or disappointed at you. baby i love you and i'd never judge you." she whispered and my heart swelled with love. "i'm just really fucking mad at the people who hurt my baby." i chuckled a little and she pulled me back into my arms. "what did i tell you eh," jj said, rubbing my back. i only nodded, clinging to my mum. i'd needed this. i'd needed her.

[aurumacadicus]

Oh oh oh!!! 37 or 73. Dealer’s choice.

Thanks!

I decided to be nice and went with 73 <3

--

"I am getting real tired of meeting you here," Tony said, and he looked just as long-suffering as he sounded when Steve looked up at him through the bars of his cell. "I'm also getting real tired of everyone but you calling me for help."

Steve opened his mouth, but he wasn't entirely certain what to say. He's called Tony for help the first time he'd gotten arrested, but Tony had looked so bewildered and... sort of offended when he'd arrived? Steve had decided he'd stop calling Tony and just call on his less judgemental teammates (Bruce was a no-go after the second time) to come bail him out. He had no idea why they, in turn, had called Tony up to take on his bail. He always offered to pay them back, and he always showed up for court.

Come to think of it, the judge was starting to look at him a lot like Tony was, Steve mused, rubbing his hand over his mouth to hide an amused smile.

"You know," Tony continued when Steve said nothing, and the smile dropped from his face when he realized he'd actually been waiting for a response. "I understand you're trying to... figure yourself out, or whatever Natasha said. I just wish--"

"I am not trying to figure myself out. I am punching neo-nazis," Steve corrected firmly. "I do not enjoy punching neo-nazis. In fact, I very much dislike the fact that there are neo-nazis to punch."

Tony pursed his lips, obviously unimpressed. "The pictures the Daily Bugle post show you looking quite happy to punch them. It looks a little unhinged actually and I am officially asking you to fucking cut it out for a month. I have a fundraiser for the Maria Stark Foundation and I don't want to spend the entire thing fielding questions about your disdain for the law."

"I've never been convicted of a crime," Steve began, drawing himself up in offense.

"You're Captain America. Who wants to convict Captain America of a crime when you punch a neo-nazi?" Tony retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Stop punching people. Find a different hobby. I hear bird watching and crossword puzzles are popular with your age group."

"I'm telling Natasha you think her crossword puzzles make her old," Steve tried again.

"Her gardening hobby makes her old too. Make sure you tell her I said that," Tony retorted, then stepped closer, pointing at him through the bars. "I'm telling you one last time before I put my foot up your ass, Steve. Do things that make you happy--within the confines of the legal system."

It took everything in him not to immediately answer 'no.' He thought Tony might actually break through the bars and murder him. "Okay."

Tony blinked at him, apparently having expected more argument. Steve normally would have given him one, but Tony had proved very protective over his mother's foundation and all the events it held. Steve didn't feel inclined to push his luck. Especially since he was inside the cell and Tony was not, and Tony could leave him here.

"...Okay," Tony finally agreed. He narrowed his eyes skeptically. Steve tried to look as innocent as possible and was rewarded with a sour, "Don't do that."

"Fine," Steve said, contrite expression dropping. "Can we leave?"

Tony continued to stare at him, considering. Finally, though, he huffed, rolling his eyes. "Fine. I sent your court date to Natasha since you broke your phone on someone's face. Please stop doing illegal shit until after the gala."

Steve sighed. "Fine. Can I take you out to coffee? That's not illegal anymore apparently."

Tony whipped around to stare at him again, aghast. Finally, he managed to bark a confused, "HUH?"

"You told me to find my happiness within legal confines," Steve reasoned. "Homosexuality was legalized in New York in the eighties. I looked it up."

Tony stared at him a little longer, then let out a reedy, overwhelmed laugh. "What are you talking about?!"

"Let's discuss it over coffee," Steve tried again, and then, "Or dinner? Whichever you prefer."

"Shut the fuck up," Tony laughed, rolling his eyes, and finally turned to leave. "I'll go tell the officer to let you out."

Steve watched him go, stunned. Then he crossed his arms over his chest with a huff. This was why he preferred punching neo-nazis. They, at least, knew what his intentions were. He could probably give Tony a 'will you go out with me? yes or yes' note and he'd just laugh and say he forgot to add 'no.'

[rainydetectiveglitter]

I'm roasting myself 😭

Pisces in the 4th House: Oh, look at you, always yearning for deep emotional connections, like you’re trying to create a spa retreat in your living room. How’s that working out? Still waiting for your “soul family” to show up? Meanwhile, you’re probably sitting there watching "The Notebook" and wondering why your group chat doesn’t have those cute inside jokes. Maybe because you're busy trying to merge with everyone’s feelings like a walking emotional sponge.

Gemini in the 7th House: You probably can’t commit to a single thought for more than 15 seconds, let alone a relationship. "I love you... but let's talk about this podcast first!" You’re the friend who, mid-conversation, wonders if you’re supposed to be hanging out or reading about the latest conspiracy theory. Seriously, stop switching personalities every time you meet someone new. You’re not auditioning for a role in "The Real Housewives of Overthinking."

Libra in the 11th House: You want everyone to get along, huh? The world’s not a Pinterest board, sweetie. I bet you’re the person who tries to keep the peace at parties and then somehow ends up hating everyone, including yourself. You probably judge every group chat emoji choice and feel personally offended if someone uses Comic Sans. Just admit it—you’re more interested in making everything look perfect than actually being part of anything real.

Lilith in the 3rd House in Aquarius: Oh, the rebellious intellectual, huh? I’m sure your genius insights have really changed the world. Too bad most people can’t hear your revolutionary ideas over your constant need to be “different” for the sake of being different. You think you're the visionary in the group, but let’s face it: you’re just the person who shows up at dinner parties with a new conspiracy theory you found online—and, no, it’s not as clever as you think.

Chiron in Leo: You want to be adored, don’t you? But you’ll never admit it. You’re the one who tries to "hide" the fact that you need constant validation, yet you can’t resist fishing for compliments like a catfish on a dating app. Maybe if you stopped trying to be the center of attention for two seconds, someone would actually notice how great you are without needing a spotlight to shine on it.

Moon Square Venus: Your emotional life is like a badly planned romantic comedy. You say you want to be loved, but you also want to keep your emotional distance, which leaves you stuck between making everyone feel like you're the one while also throwing a tantrum when they don’t read your mind. You're like that person who orders an elaborate drink at Starbucks and then complains that the barista didn’t know the exact temperature you like.

Mars in Cancer: You’re the passive-aggressive champion of the zodiac. Why say what you feel when you can silently stew and cook up a whole emotional storm in your head, right? You want to protect everyone, but no one can ever quite tell if you're offering a hug or planning their emotional downfall. Your idea of “assertiveness” is posting a vague meme on social media instead of just speaking up.

Sagittarius Rising: “Let’s go on an adventure!”—but you’ll probably be late, cancel last-minute, or spend the whole time questioning whether you should’ve just stayed home to think about how much better the adventure could’ve been. You’re the person who tries to live like they’re in a travel blog, but can’t even commit to where to eat on a Saturday night.

I'm going to go cry now 😢

[musings-of-a-rose]

I Don't Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) - Chapter 2

Pairing: Benny Miller x f!reader nicknamed "Juni"

Word Count: 3200+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: I've had this idea in my head for well over a year and with the Fallout show being dropped (and absolutely AMAZING), I figured now was the time to post it! So this is a Triple Frontier/Fallout crossover au. Huge shoutout to @mermaidxatxheart for listening to probably hours of audio at this point of me talking myself through this fic. And to @deathbecomesnerds for listening to me prattle on about video game fics and giving me her own advice.

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Benny Miller Masterlist

I Don’t Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) Masterlist

As my brain starts to wake up, the first thing I notice is that I'm cold. Like, really cold. The aches in my body feel like when you fall asleep and don't move the entire night, your muscles and bones stiff from a few hours of inactivity. How long does decontamination normally take? And why is it so cold?

Slowly, I pry my eyes open, blinking as rapidly as I can, feeling little icicles on my eyelashes. My head had been slumped to the side, the slight crick in my neck making itself known, the ache radiating down into my shoulder. I gasp, my lungs burning like they hadn't had a good breath in a long while. What the fuck was happening?

Slowly, I start to feel my limbs so I give my toes and fingers a little wiggle, managing to make them move. Then I work my way up my body. The more I can move, the more I start to panic. There's nowhere to move in this metal box. I weakly move my hand into a fist, pounding pathetically on the glass window in front of me. Oh God, what if it doesn't open? Isn't there someone who will open it?

Before I can spiral further, the door in front of me hisses and opens up with a loud groan, metal grinding against metal. I fall out, my hands coming up just in time to slow my fall as I slam against the hard floors. I cough, gasping for fresh air as my body starts to warm up. I manage to get up and sit on my knees, chest still heaving as I take in gulps of air. Where are the labcoats? Surely they didn't forget about us?

My eyes start to focus and I stare at a point in front of me until my vision clears. I blink hard a few times before looking around, a nervous tension starting to ball itself up in my stomach. The room is dark, save for some emergency lighting. The paint on the walls is chipped, dust covering some of the machinery that I remember being bright and shiny. I look around, slowly standing to my feet when it hits me.

It's completely silent.

No hissing of the machinery, no beeping, no sounds of people. Nothing. I take a tentative step towards the machine next to mine, catching myself on the little computer panel as I stumble. Glancing up into the pod, I see someone in there, eyes closed, still, and silent. I tap a few buttons on the panel but nothing happens. I reach out and knock on the window but the person inside doesn't move. I repeat this process on every pod in the room and get the same results, my heart thumping, the rate increasing rapidly with every pod. No one is awake and judging by the lack of sound, I'm not sure they're even alive. Not anymore.

I shake my limbs out, working some of the final stiffness out of them. Where is everyone? Why hasn’t anyone come around to check on people? Surely there are systems in place for this? I cautiously approach the door to the room. To my surprise, it's already open. I pop my head out and look in the hallway. Completely empty. I find another 5 rooms like the one I was in, every one exactly like mine. My body is fully awake by the last room, my breaths coming out quick and shallow to match my racing heart, panicked tears falling down my cheeks that I furiously try to wipe away. Am I the only one left alive?

Through my increasing panic, I finally find a computer not attached to a pod and somehow, it's still on. I sit in the chair and wipe at my eyes with my sleeve. I click around and am surprised it wasn't better locked down. The scientist that used it kept a very detailed journal of what happened. I read all of the entries, my heart sinking and blood boiling with every new one.

Apparently, they were not decontamination chambers but cryo ones. As in they froze us. Which would explain why it had been so cold. They were going to keep us under for varying degrees of time, to test the effects of cryo sleep on humans. Test? What the fuck? But they had only planned to be down here about 10 years or so. When it was reaching the end of those 10 years, rations started to dwindle and there was no communication with Vault-Tech outside of the vault they were in. People started to lose it. There was a mutiny and the Overseer was...wait did I read that right? Killed and fed to everyone still here? Eventually, it looks like everyone died and the generators were to continue on running until they couldn’t. The logs all say there was a malfunction in life support. So I was right - everyone except me is dead.

The feeling of being alone, completely alone, closes in on me, and oh my God what if I can’t get out of here? There’s no one here to let me out. I sit back in the chair, absolutely stunned at what I just read, my mind starting to spiral down a dark path. But...wait. If they froze us, and the mutiny had happened within 10 years...what year was it now?

I lean forward, clicking around to find the slot for a new entry and hit automatic date.

June 10th, 2277

That can't be right. I tap the button again.

June 10th, 2277.

I stare at the date. It's not the months that bother me but the year. 200 years have passed? This has to be a malfunction of the computer. There's no way that's the correct date. But something in the back of my mind tingles, a new feeling of dread deep in my gut. Benny. If it really has been 200 years, then even if he got to a vault and survived, there’s no way he’d be alive. Bile threatens to spill from me and I swallow, trying to prevent it. The computer is wrong, though. Benny is alive still. He has to be. 

I stand up and look down at the skeleton with a labcoat on the ground, wondering if that was the same man who had smiled creepily at me as I got into that frozen coffin. The bones are twisted into an inhuman shape, the arm bent at an odd angle. Right before I look away, I see it. The small computer wrapped around the skeleton’s arm. I kneel down, hesitating for a moment before reaching over, trying to pry the Pip Boy computer from around its forearm. It's like it's stuck on the bones and I gag a little as I slam the arm down, the hand bones scattering. But the Pip Boy slides right off.

I pick it up, dust it off a little with my hand and slide it onto my arm, feeling the slight pinch of the sensors embedding themselves into my skin. I turn a few buttons, having used one at the university when I was studying, and the screen lights up, my face washed in the familiar green glow, giving me some small bit of comfort in its familiarity. I navigate to the map section and it shows me the layout of the vault. Using the little light on the side of the Pip Boy, I follow the map towards the front of the vault, slowly making my way past debris and other corpses, some in very violent positions. One of them has their boney fingers wrapped around a large knife. A machete. Holding back another gag, I manage to pry it from the person's death grip, shifting it from hand to hand. I hold it in the opposite hand from the Pip Boy, just in case I need to swing. But surely nothing is down here, right? The vaults are sealed shut. So I should be safe. I think…I hope.

Everything is so fucking quiet it's almost deafening. I feel like the walls are closing in on me, trying to lock me away forever in this tomb, just like my fellow vault occupants. What was Vault Tec thinking?

I make it to the front entrance, the giant, heavy metal vault door securely closed. My eyes scan the room and land on a small control panel, more skeletons in labcoats scattered around it. I walk over to it, staring down at the simple panel. How the fuck does this work? I smash the big button but nothing happens. There's a round slot on the left side and I remember the Pip Boy has a sensor module. I pop out the sensor cord and plug it in, the panel lights immediately light up. A small sigh of relief escapes me. Thank God there's power! My Pip Boy lights up, telling me the remote door access is ready. But I hesitate before hitting the button again. Assuming this door opens, all I have is a machete. And if that computer is anywhere close to being right, I have no idea what the surface will even look like.

I unplug the Pip Boy and look around again, spotting a room off to the side labeled SECURITY. Thankfully, the door opens to a small room with a couple of desks and several lockers. A few of them don't open but others do and I'm quickly furnished with some sort of hand gun, a shot gun that I sling over my back, and some ammo. I also score a couple cans of purified water, some Fancy Lads Snack Cakes, a Salisbury Steak, and some Yum Yum Deviled Eggs. It's not much, but I'm better than I was. I just won't think about how old this food is, even if the computer is wrong. One of the dead security guards was holding a backpack. I take it, shake off some dust and find more ammo inside and another purified water. I put all the food and ammo into the bag and secure it, sliding it around my back, and moving the shotgun to my arm.

I decide to do one last sweep of the small vault before heading back to the main access vault door. I find a small blanket and an axe, along with another couple of boxes of food, half-eaten, and some old comics. Grognak the Barbarian. Benny loved these. Tears well in my eyes, that bile rising in the back of my throat at the idea of him being gone. I shake my head, pushing the intrusive thoughts aside, and slide the comics into my backpack. 

I repeat the process at the panel, with no hesitation in pressing the large, red button this time. The heavy metal of the round vault door groans, sparks flying from some of the unused gears helping the vault door to spin open, revealing the elevator we came down on. My mind flashes back to that moment, just barely escaping with our lives. It was mere minutes ago to me and I haven't really had a moment to process it. Any of this. I just need to get somewhere safe. Or at least familiar, to get my bearings.

I head down the walkway and hesitate for a moment before stepping onto the platform. I punch the button on the cage wall surrounding me and the gate door I came through closes. Slowly and with creaks and groans, the floor starts to rise, leaving the cage and vault behind. Again, I'm thrust into darkness for a short bit, my breath coming out in heavy pants. I'm not even sure if it's safe up here, but if I'd stayed down there I'd have died anyway so what does it matter?

Pure, blinding light breaks the darkness as I'm lifted up, the platform settling onto its original spot and locking in place. I lift my hand to shield my eyes from the bright sun, momentarily blinded by it. I blink rapidly, squinting a bit more before things come into focus and now I have to blink back tears.

Destruction. Everything is sort of grey and leveled, some occasional muted green popping up in weird angles, like weeds coming through a sidewalk. I can see the skyline of Boston in the distance, the buildings mostly gone into piles of rubble or mostly rubble. Some still stand, like broken scraggly fingers that were too stubborn to fully fall. Benny had been there and if he survived, he was buried underneath all of that.

I tear my eyes away from the horror and turn to head back down the path that will lead me to my parent's home where I had been when....no. I can't think about that until I'm in a safe place. A faint, high-pitched squeak brings me from my dark thoughts and I turn just in time to see something fly at me. I react on instinct, trying to dodge but fall, the thing managing to clip my shoulder as it comes at me. I grip the machete tight in my hand and bring it up just as the world's biggest fucking roach jumps on me, its pinchers at least the length of my fingers, its body easily half the length of me. Its legs scramble as it screams, my machete having ripped through it. I yell as I push with all I can to move it off me, tossing it to the side as I scramble backward as fast as I can manage. What the fuck is that thing? It's still moving so I stand up and promptly kick its head in with my boot several times, continuing to do so long after it had stopped moving. My skin crawls as I look at the size of this thing.

Of course. Everything would've been radiated. Deer with two heads, giant fucking bugs, apparently. Weren’t roaches supposed to outlive us all, especially in the case of nuclear war? It only makes sense that mutations would've happened. But if this happened to roaches, what else has happened?

My body shudders at the thought and I tuck that one away for later. I yank my machete out of the giant fucking roach, flinging off its gooey guts and wiping it off in the dirt before starting back down the path. Fortunately, no other wildlife crosses my path as I step back onto the street that runs past my parent's house.

The neighborhood is...gone. Most of the houses are either completely destroyed or half crumbling, the previously perfectly manicured yards no longer exist. New plants have taken over, their foreign petals and colors intriguing the scientist side of me, but I keep my distance, not knowing what fresh hell they could bring upon humans.  Besides, that's not what I'm here for.

I turn and walk slowly down the street, my eyes sweeping from side to side. I spot movement and as my eyes focus on it, I nearly scream with excitement. I start to run towards it, almost crashing into the Mr. Handy robot that had been my family's.

"Hawthorne?" I gasp, my eyes wide with wonder.

His large metal head spins towards me, his round metal eye widening as he takes me in. "Ma'am? Miss Juni?"

I can't help but cry tears of joy. Something, someone that remembers me! For the first time since I woke in that vault turned tomb, I don’t feel alone.

"It's me! I can't believe you're still here!"

Hawthorne launches into a retelling of his time here, how the bombs pretty much destroyed most of Boston, how our fellow neighbors that didn't have a spot in the vaults died within hours of the initial blasts, although some took a few days. Others...I'm not sure what he's talking about. Ghouls? I’ll have to ask him more about that later. But then he's on another topic, discussing how hard it is to maintain the property for the last 200 years and how lonely he's been waiting for us and- wait. What?

"Hawthorne?"

"Ma'am?"

"I...I am sorry you had to deal with all of this alone."

"Thank you, ma'am. I do understand that humans are fragile things and had you remained with me, you would not have survived. I am very glad you did not die."

"Thank you, Hawthorne. I'm glad you're here too. But.. to confirm, did you say 200 years?

"Yes ma'am."

"200 years… since what?"

"Since the bombs fell, ma'am."

I can feel the blood drain from my face. "What's the date?"

"June 10th, 2277."

My legs start to wobble and I slump to the ground, putting my head in my hands as I rest my elbows on my bent legs. 200 years? I thought the computer had malfunctioned. But it all makes sense. The state of the vault, the way things look, that radroach thing...I feel my breathing picking up, hyperventilating as realization dawns on me.

I was right before. It doesn't matter if Benny made it to a vault. He would've lived a full life and died a long time ago.

The scream erupting from my throat is the last thing I remember before my vision fades to black.

When I wake, I'm in a bed. Well, on a mattress anyway. I look around without moving and realize I'm in my old bedroom, the one my parents never quite remade into anything else. Most of the walls are intact, only the one with the window is missing half the panels. And the roof only has a few holes in it. Nothing that Benny and I can't-

Benny.

I turn to my side just in time, throwing up whatever was in my stomach for the last 200 years onto the floor. But that's nothing compared to the hole in my chest, the one that ripped itself open at the realization that I would have to face this new, broken world without my other half, my anchor. My stomach doesn't settle, still churning at the thought, the tears pouring from my eyes as I curl into myself. I don't even say anything to Hawthorne as he comes in and cleans the mess, setting down one of the bottles of purified water and some snacks from my backpack on the cracked nightstand.

What's even the point of going on if I don't have him with me?

Unless….

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[bluebelly-sun-serpentine]

I feel as though the language of accommodation is backwards in so many cases. Especially in regards to covid, I’ve started reframing things in my head. I am constantly accommodating other people; treating their disability to deal with reasonable daily decision-making and the existence of chronic risk with kindness and empathy, reacting to their defensiveness and hostility about my continued use of and advocation for masks, ventilation, and regular risk assessments with measured responses that mask the rage and helplessness I feel about the apathy of ableism, communicating about my household’s needs in the softest possible way, reacting compassionately when people who have stopped taking any kind of precaution complain that their health has worsened in the long term or their most recent bout with covid has cost them income (even when these people have continually judged my choice to take precautions), being endlessly patient when people invite me (or try to pressure me) to attend risky indoor gatherings instead of saying “you know I can’t do that. Nothing has changed since the last time I had to say no. You could always invite me to something I don't have to say no to.” Ignoring so much cognitive dissonance and self-delusion. Opening as many windows as possible so we all have a better chance of staying healthy. Apologizing constantly about continuing to protect myself and others so that people get off my case about it and can continue living in a fantasy of post-pandemic normality.

I don’t, anymore, think I’m the fragile person in this situation, and I have realized how much this rings true for other ways in which I have navigated the world prior to the pandemic. Bringing my notes and printouts to doctor’s appointments so that doctors don’t have to properly do their jobs. Bringing my partner so doctors don’t have to look past their own misogyny and ableism. Masking physical pain so that others don’t have to feel bored or distracted by it. Masking my expressions of joy or sorrow or wonder when they don’t conform to norms. Tip-toeing constantly around a passive aggressive regional culture of toxic positivity rather than communicating frankly and directly in the manner that has always been more natural to me (for both nurture and nature reasons) to reduce friction for everyone else.

I’m really going to urge other people who find themselves marginalized or othered in some way: how are you accommodating the people who fail to accommodate you? Not just “what accommodations do you need?” Or “how are you being or not being accommodated?” What have you been doing to make everyone around you more comfortable, and how much of that is actually serving you? Some of it may, and some of it may not. How much work are you doing to unburden people of their own consciences? If no one else sees it, can you, at least, take a moment to look it in the eye?

I'd guess this is true of any condition of life (and by condition I don't mean illness, just "a mode or state or being" or "existing circumstances") that is somehow considered non-normative in its context. If you are an immigrant or you live in a racist or xenophobic culture of which you are the target, if you are a woman, if you are fat, if you are gay, if you're an effeminate man, if you are ill, if you are old, if you are deaf, if you use a wheelchair, etc. I know you've experienced something similar to the labor I'm talking about. "Accommodation" is the word we use talk about things disabled or differently abled people need or deserve to have in order to allow them to navigate an ableist world. Practically this language has sometimes been helpful to me – in getting care, in forcing professors into basic ADA compliance by not stuffing me in an overcrowded, unventilated room with 100 unmasked (frequently contagious) people, in allowing me time to catch up after I've been so ill I can't move, in providing spaces where people like me can sit and catch a breath – but increasingly I see it as something that isn't uni-directional, not just something I'm receiving (or fighting and failing to win) but something I am constantly, endlessly doing without acknowledgement, and which, if I ever stopped doing it, would invite serious penalty. I don't know how to change that except by talking about it.