#and i'm desperate to start contributing to the fandom

[amoremagnificentbastard]

Everyone.

It's happening.

I'm writing my first BG3 fanfiction.

[alastors-antlers]

Why Alastor is good aroace rep after all, written by an aroace

Hello all! I just want to start off this post by saying that I'm one person who definitely doesn't speak for all aroaces, but I wanted to make a post on this anyway, and maybe some folk would be interested in hearing out another perspective?

I'm not really caught up on everything that's been said over the course of HH's creation - only more recent interviews, since I'm pretty new to the fandom. Apologies if I've missed anything, but also I do not have the time to keep up with all the out-of-canon-material backstory unfortunately. I'm working with what we've got here.

So here's the thing:

Alastor is cruel, he's narcissistic, he doesn't care about anyone except himself, he's a serial killer and a monster.

(That's the argument I've heard - please tell me if that's not really what people are going for lol, in which case I've totally misunderstood?)

The issue with aroace rep when it paints asexual people with those traits is that it aims to dehumanizes them. Sex and love are essential to the human experience, right? So why wouldn't someone be interested? Because they're self-absorbed, and cold, and detached. They don't have the capacity to love others enough to feel romance.

And sure, Alastor is a killer, and a schemer, and prideful, and a monster by hell's standards. But no matter how above it all and stylish and in control and provocative he wants to be, he's a very human character, and his aroace-ness never serves to add to his alienation. You could even say that it makes him seem even more personable.

That's what I think is the key difference.

why he's human

Alastor's whole persona is about control, and he basically straight-up says this. He's controlling what his enemies know, what his public image is like. His goal is to be the Radio Demon -- overlord of Hell, charismatic, Machiavellian, and undefeatable. He's not. Despite that smile plastered over his face (a powerful tool, huh) he's so expressive for someone who's constantly pretending.

You see his exasperation with the Egg Bois and with Charlie's ranting; his nervousness in front of Zestial; his frustration with Lucifer and the petty lengths he goes to to piss off the ruler of Hell.

You see his desperation, making that deal with Charlie. He's surprised by the idea of being vulnerable in front of an enemy like Adam, and so close to danger. He drops the radio filter and the affect out of fear, and runs on broadcast TV to let out panic and anger and bitterness in his hideout, where no one else can see him.

He has a smile that tells us he's genuinely happy to see someone; it's a little wider than his default. You see it with Mimzy's greeting, you see it with Rosie. Rosie, especially, serves to make Alastor more human to the audience. More on this later, but for now, I'm just saying that you can see that he at least seems to respect her greatly. Whatever bond they have, we know that he trusts her to touch him, to share history with him, and with support that he trusts no one else for.

He pretends, but he can't pretend it all away. Loads of these emotions aren't even advantageous for him to show. It isn't necessarily how the typical asexual psychopath acts; he's not emotionless or only capable of anger or brutality.

He's so full of emotion that it leaks through, despite all that he does to avoid it. He's not inhuman and aloof, not really - he's so, so human, even when he tries not to be because he thinks that'll be what keeps him above all the rest. In control, and free from his chains.

(If anyone wants to see images about all this, I'll make a separate post - just let me know.)

(I also have another post, talking about why Alastor is at least a little attached to the hotel's residents too, shown via conversation with Niffty. In what way? different question.)

how the aroace part contributes to that

Now, to be fair, we don't hear much about his aroaceness in canon. It's just not relevant a lot of the time.

In the pilot, Angel's proposition ruffles his feathers so much that Alastor blanks for a moment. It's a joke, sure, but that ace panic face is a pretty popular Alastor moment in the fandom - Alastor, thrown off-balance by a sex joke of all things, after so many years in Hell that he should probably be used to this.

It's a moment that makes him more approachable; his aroaceness shows him unprepared for something someone else does for one of the only real moments in the whole episode.

And the other part: the ace in the hole statement.

Rosie apparently knows Alastor so well that she read that he's aroace. That tells us about their relationship; namely, that it is long-standing and genuine enough that she gleaned a piece of real information from him. It's a casual fact that she knows about him before he even figured it out himself. It lends legitimacy to their bond - this bond that shows us a more comfortable and warm side of Alastor that we don't often see.

If their relationship is purely business, isn't this something pretty frivolous and personal? It's not like he has anything to gain by telling her about his life, but she learned about it somehow. How close are they? That's where it adds a layer of complexity and personality to his character..

thoughts on representation

Overall, Alastor's an interesting character who has a level of depth and care and personality (outside of cruelty) that asexual psychopath tropes lack. Again, the moments where he's being represented as disinterested in sex or romance don't make him seem detached. Again, they don't say "look how hostile toward relationships his behaviour is - how separate he is from our humanity". That's what bad villain ace rep is. That's not what the show's doing.

Also: I'm not saying that we need to lower our standards or anything, but even if you think it's not the best rep, I feel like we should be supporting HH's efforts here. I know that on Tumblr we have a pretty queer-friendly space going, which is honestly an understatement lol but

Aces are incredibly underrepresented in fiction. There's a whole Wikipedia page about asexual characters in media, and it's short as all hell, and even if you consider what's on there you see quite a number of one-off characters who are never mentioned again.

In terms of real life business - before the DSM updated their definition of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in 2013, identifying as asexual wasn't even a recognized thing. If you talked to a clinician about your lack of sexual desire, you could be diagnosed with a disorder. Only in the 5th edition do we now have a little exclusion footnote about it.

The concept of asexuality hasn't been explored nearly as much as other queer identities in our scientific research. We get crumbs in terms of mainstream representation and understanding. House M.D. has an episode where House "disproves" us because he's just so smart.

Alastor isn't going to be perfect representation. There's no such thing as perfect representation, and from the moment he was conceptualized, you could see how people would take him poorly. Still, I think he's a net positive.

He isn't a side character or a token ace - he's a core part of the show, whose personality and character motivations we can reasonably presume are going to be explored much more deeply in upcoming season(s). He's loved by the fandom. Right now, given what we know, I trust Vivziepop to write the aroace representation he deserves, because with the way I've heard the cast/directing/etc. talk about him, they're trying to do the aroace community justice, so I wish people would let up just a little on the whole "Alastor is bad rep".

Let's give him a chance, all right?

[iamamythologicalcreature]

2024 Round-Up and Review

2024, aka The Year I Discovered I Love Drawing Baz With Long Hair.

But also.

Honestly?

(Yeah, I'm going to be honest. Yeah, it's going to be a long post. Buuuut it's my blog, so here we go!)

This past year was rough. Really rough. In many ways as difficult as 2020, and in some ways, even harder than that. I lost my specialized medical care after 2023, and my health tanked in 2024. Medication changes, chronic illness/pain, and the hardest thing of all was... this idea I seemed to have that if I could just fake it enough, I could make it. Like I could deny my disability into non-existence. Pretend it away.

Instead, I ended up pushing myself past the breaking point, with the worst possible timing ever.

And THEN (when I desperately needed to stop and rest), I packed up my life and moved across a continent. (I hadn't moved since college. So I thought I'd move and it'd be done. That was wrong. Ahem. I'm still moving in...)

But the GOOD that happened last year came in the form of friendship. That's not just a line. My friends were my lifeline. To those friends who stuck it out with me even when things were far from easy, thank you. You are the most incredible people I know, and your friendship has given me reasons and opportunities to feel joy and hope where I might not otherwise have done.

Okay. So. The ROUND-UP is... *drum roll*... Under the cut!

At first I was a bit bummed to see I'd only finished 9 pieces of art during the entire year. But since I am being honest... I know I did my best, and so clearly the best I could do last year was nine pieces of art. So many of those pieces were attached to amazing projects, though! I got to do several collaborations with some truly amazing human beings, and I also got to run my very first fest for the fandom! So I'm calling it good.

Now, finally, the art links:

(I won't be including works in progress on this list, as I still hope to finish them at some point XD)

January: Oh my God, January. I didn't finish anything in January, but I worked on a lot.

February:

Tis better to give than to receive - This was my contribution to Erotic Grope Fest, and it was my first time doing anything NSFW. It's pretty tame, all things considered, but I think it still fit the mission. Also ended up posting a high-res version of this on AO3. Because. I mean. Come on. XD

March:

Three lost boys (found) - I started out as a beta reader for @mooncello's inspired take on Neverland, but by the time I received chapter 2 I was very nearly begging to be able to illustrate it. I'd had this particular image in my mind after reading the matching scene in chapter one, but had tried to suppress the inspiration. Silly me. I'm so glad I gave in. This is a favorite of mine.

April:

Keeping Neverland - (Technically posted on Tumblr in May, but on AO3 in April, so...) Illustrating @mooncello's writing again, and this one was a challenge! But one I wholeheartedly embraced. I wanted to echo Baz's journey as an artist with my illustrations, so where I used pencil sketching for the chapter one illustration, I went for a finished charcoal drawing, here. Digital charcoal, it turns out, can be just as difficult as the real deal. Slightly less messy, though. (I'm very proud of this finished piece.) Also where I continued my exploration of Baz's long hair. XD

May:

A rough sketch for a rough night - It feels a little off to be posting this sketch in my art round-up, considering the emotional inspiration, but truth be told I ended up liking this sketch quite a lot. I also learned a couple things, from both the events of that night (not my finest moment) and the drawing of the sketch (hey putting my feelings into art is a good idea). So I think ultimately this little sketch deserves to be included on this list.

June:

Teenage Dream - I posted this on Tumblr in June, for my birthday, but I actually did the art at the beginning of the year for the Valentine's Day exchange on the Carry On server. I rarely finish anything to this degree, and am immensely proud of it. That said, I ended up using it for so many things last year, I'd be okay to not look at it again for awhile. (I called it "Teenage Dream" because it made me think of a daydream Baz might have had as a teenager - now made real with Simon by his side. Cause I'm a sucker for their romance >.> )

Illustration from The Eternal Life of Baz Pitch - So I'm not sure how I got lucky enough to earn a special preview of @monbons's story, but I knew I couldn't read it in pieces. So she let me read the whole thing. It was very cool. I read it all at once I think? And when I was done I crashed Monica's DMs to yell at her about it. But then I drew this picture. (While I was chatting with her, even, and casually asking her about cherry blossoms so I could draw them the way she imagined them. It was very fun.) Now we're friends. XD (Check out the fic - now posted in entirety!)

July: Uh. Migraines. Just migraines. I had to pull back from the fandom a lot, and stopped participating in a lot of online activities. Boo.

August: Sketched concepts for CORB, and packed.

September: I moved over 4000 miles.

October: Everything I worked on in October ended up debuting in...

November:

Carry On Through the Ages! Okay, as stressed and sick as I was, I have no regrets about taking on COTTA. It was AMAZING. So much wonderful content! It was SO GOOD to contribute to the fandom, and to do that with history geeking? Dream come true. I also dipped into my previous area of expertise (picture manipulation) and did some cursed paintings to promote it. Mona Baz, Stormchaser Gothic, Mademoiselle Wellbelove, and Iconic Icon Simon.

A Prophesied Rivalry - Another dream come true was collaborating with @monbons for COTTA! I loved talking ideas with her, and she was so supportive when I hit road blocks, too. I love Ancient Egyptian art, and this was as much a love letter to that ancient art style as it was to my beloved Snowbaz. (I did a ridiculous amount of research to do this piece.) (And now I have Egyptian Baz and Simon in my new apartment. Extreme Bonus.)

Snow on Ice Illustration - Getting paired with @leithillustration for CORB was like winning the creative collaboration lottery. Not only did they grasp my concept from the get-go, but they've taken it in a creative and exciting direction. Also, we've become good friends, which is the very best possible outcome for a collaboration. (You should check out their story if you haven't already!)

(Snow-kitty also got very sick at the end of November, which halted a lot of my progress on some WIPs. It was scary for a bit, but I am so happy to say he has fully recovered.)

December:

Snowflake Exchange presents More Than a Footnote - I kind of love that I started the year illustrating one of @mooncello's stories, and ended it with an illustration from another! I was so excited to pull Heath's name from the proverbial hat for the exchange. I'd wanted to draw something from More Than a Footnote since the first time Heath told me about it. I completely love Dev and Niall at this point, so I hope to play with them some more in the future! (BTW Heath I think you're one of my muses hope that's okay XD)

SO. Yeah, the year was often a hard one, but a lot of good happened in spite of all the bad. The good was even more valuable for daring to happen in the midst of so much blah. (And boy howdy, did I get a lot of material to learn from.)

In 2025, I think I'm going to focus more on accepting my limits. Like, I can still work on improving my health and functionality, but I really need to try and determine when I need to stop. That has its own learning curve, but I have to start somewhere! I'm also working on vision therapy, which I'm doing on my own since I can't afford the out-of-pocket expense. Still... So far, so good. Fingers crossed!

Creatively, I think 2025 will be the year where I get to work on projects I started in 2023 and 2024, and I find that quite exciting because those are ideas I genuinely loved. I also hope to bring some other ideas I've had for a very long time to life. (Finally.) I hope, hope, hope! And hey, if I get to do more collabs? That would be awesome, too. (Carry On Through the Ages will be returning, as well!)

Thank you to these lovely people for tagging me in on this round-up, and for remembering me despite my frequent absence!

@emeryhall, @rimeswithpurple, @prettygoododds, @artsyunderstudy, @noblecorgi, @alexalexinii, @best--dress, @j-nipper-95, @roomwithanopenfire, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @imagineacoolusername, @mooncello, @whatevertheweather, @thewholelemon, @youarenevertooold, @monbons

And to everyone who is still tagging me on wipsday posts, other things, commented, any of that! Thank you. It means a lot to me. Hello's and How-Do's and general well-wishes to:

@drowninginships, @aristocratic-otter, @that-disabled-princess, @leithillustration, @bookish-bogwitch, @theimpossibledemon, @fiend-for-culture, @bazzybelle, @ic3-que3n, @blackberrysummerblog, @run-for-chamo-miles, @shrekgogurt, @confused-bi-queer, @hushed-chorus, @cutestkilla, @skeedelvee, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @wellbelesbian, @facewithoutheart, @ileadacharmedlife,, @raenestee, @supercutedinosaurs, @fatalfangirl, @palimpsessed, @martsonmars, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @theearlgreymage

And anyone else who actually read my extremely long post. XD

[thunderingrain]

Edna and Libber are rotating in my brain, so here's some ideas for the future Edna & Libber sisters story I'm writing, which for now I'll call 'Fractured Lightning' that are just miscellaneous thoughts and headcanons I'll eventually get around to implementing in a larger story, or I might just make them into a collective of one-shots 1. Edna and Libber are 5 years apart in age, with Libber being the younger one. It's a rare occurrence, but while Edna was supposed to inherit their father's lightning powers, it somehow skipped her, finding Libber as its master instead. Edna definitely wasn't bitter about this for many years. 2. Mr. Cuddlywomp was initially Libber's stuffed animal that they got at a carnival. Libber wasn't leaving without him, so a 10 year old Edna spent 5 tries at a dart game before finally winning their prized possession for her stubborn little sister. Libber kept him in her room for years, and was really attached to him. 3. Libber was a massive geek and fandom girlie, in particular, she was a fan of Starfarer, and would get every single issue as soon as it came out. She was also the one to push Cliff into auditioning for the role of Fritz Donnegan, and guided him through the lore. 4. Edna was someone who never was on the front lines, but contributed to the Serpentine war effort as a medic, finding it a better use of her skills and time. She also looked after a very young Lily after the latter's mother passed due to a genetic illness, and kept a strong bond with her until Lily herself passed. 5. Libber's engagement and wedding to Cliff was ridiculously quick, which was a major red flag for Edna, who tried to convince her sister that this was going too fast. The two fought bitterly over it, to the point where they didn't speak for over 20 years. 6. Edna was cut off from their family's wealth and status (reason why is being workshopped) long before she met Ed. She never spoke about it to him, not wanting to go home and grovel for money even when things were tight for them financially. 7. Just like how Ray was Wu's best friend, Libber was Garmadon's, to the point she tried setting him and Misako up long before he realized he had feelings for Misako. 8. Libber finally contacted Edna right before she left, begging Edna to take her newborn son, as she feared for his life. Despite her situation, Edna accepted after seeing the desperation in her sister's eyes. 9. After that day, Libber was declared missing. Edna spent the next several years trying to piece together what happened to her sister, only to come up short every single time. She initially asked Ray, Maya, and Lily for help, but as they all were taken away from her, she slowly lost hope, until eventually...She gave up. 10. Wu and Garmadon both thought Edna would tell Jay about Libber, hence why Wu never said a word. They were wrong.

(If anyone has any thoughts about these, feel free to comment or send an ask about it! I've kept this mostly to myself as I've been plotting this and the Overcast story, but I've got something of a plot cooking here that will start coming out once I have my general outline done)

[coffeenonsense]

I usually try to stay in my lane most of the time (mostly bc I am far too old for fandom drama) but what the hell, it's friday, let's put that lit degree to use:

the way people are playing morality politics with fiction is really starting to genuinely irk me and I think some of the responses to ascended astarion are a perfect example of why this type of thinking is actually hugely detrimental to one's ability to meaningfully engage with fiction and also to the future of art.

astarion is one of the most well-written complex characters I've seen in recent years bar none (and I'm clearly not alone given the explosion of his personal fandom lol) and he has a truly compelling, emotionally resonant character arc whether you ascend him or not

If you keep him a spawn, you get a deeply touching, realistic character's journey to healing and personal growth where he learns who he is after the experience of his trauma and depending on the player's choice, explores his relationship to sex, romance and intimacy

If you ascend astarion, you get an equally emotional and well-rounded character arc where he chooses the power that allows him to have the desperate freedom and safety he's wanted, but in the process eschews any hope of real healing or personal development, and again, depending on the player's choices, restarts the cycle of abuse by taking cazador's place.

These options offer vastly different paths for the character and experiences for the player, but while yes, ascended astarion is the evil ending, and yes, ascending astarion is a tragedy, and a fucking incredible one (not only do you have astarion reigniting a circle of abuse but you have the narrative weight of KNOWING he could have actually overcome his trauma...hats off to the bg3 team tbh) but that does not mean ascending astarion MAKES YOU AS THE PLAYER EVIL

Ascend astarion because you love tragic story arcs, ascend him because you want to indulge in a master/slave vampire fantasy, don't ascend him because you want a healing character journey, don't ascend him because you want a sweet romance; all of these choices carry the same moral weight for the player, which is to say, none, because they are an exploration of fiction.

I know I'm saying this to the villain fucker website but it bears repeating; just because someone wants to engage with evil, fucked up characters or content does not mean they support evil acts in their real life, and furthermore, exploring dark, taboo or tragic concepts safely is part of what fiction is for. It enables us to look at those things from a distance, work through difficult feelings and develop greater understanding of what makes our fellow humans tick — and before you get it twisted there's also no moral issue with exploring fucked up media bc you're horny or just, because. You can take it as seriously (or as sexily) as you want.

It's starting to really concern me how many people not only do not get, but are violently opposed to this concept, because equating what someone likes in fiction with their real life moral code and actions is an incredibly dangerous and let's be honest, immature way of thinking that not only stunts your ability to engage with fiction but ironically, hampers your ability to deal with complicated issues and emotions in real life.

I don't know what's driving this trend (though purity culture is certainly playing a role) but it's definitely something that's not just impacting individuals but contributing to the commercialization of art, where we get games and stories and tv shows and books that regurgitate the same safe, mass marketable plotlines and character archetypes over and over and over again so corporations can squeeze out as much profit as possible.

Anyway, remember kids: There's no such thing as thought crime, reaching for morally pure unproblematic media is directly contributing to the death of art, and this is why funding the humanities is important.

[the-dream-team]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! ❤️

Omg hello Fel, my dear <3 I was actually just rereading some of my old stuff to help get through some writers block with new stuff (originals! not fanfic!), so perfect timing!

Large Heart, Tiny Photographs

My love letter to all the side characters who contributed photos to Hagrid's album he gifted to Harry in Sorcerer's Stone :') All my favorite lines I've ever written are in these vignettes. Molly and Remus's chapters are especially dear to me and I'm just very proud with how this fic turned out! It's depressing as shit... You're going to suffer, but you're going to be happy about it! Y'know the vibes

2. Meggi’s Magical Ice Cream

I wrote this one-shot as a way to basically vent about my own ice cream shop job in college that I hated with a fiery passion! This is the only fic in which I've fully written Lily as a self-insert. She is me. I am her. This fic is my diary. The only difference between us is the blossoming romance with the sandwich shop boy (I already had my own sandwich shop boy at home, thank you very much!!)

3. Snowflakes

At 12 years old, tweenage Dylan went on a family ski trip and her already fanfic-riddled brain said "jily should be here." And thus, Snowflakes was born. This is my baby. It's completely absurd and plagued by awful 2000s tropes, but I love it dearly. In a desperate attempt to remain canon-compliant, I ended it with a crazy plot twist that bothered me so much it forced me to return to fandom almost a decade later to write a sequel, and without that, I wouldn't have started writing again! Or met many dear friends! So thanks baby Dylan!

4. Who Knows Who Cares

After reading Beach Read by Emily Henry for the first time, I decided to try my hand at proper contemp romcom banter, but leaning more YA. As someone whose adolescence was often haunted by her repressed bisexuality, I wanted to write a story about acceptance and I think it turned out well! I enjoy rereading it, at least hahaha and the readers who reach out to let me know they feel seen by Lily's story make me so grateful <3

5. What I Would Do

HAD TO INCLUDE SOME FEM!JILY FOR YOU, FEL!! Some people think that WKWC was influenced by my own experiences, but in reality I put way more of myself in this little two-shot! It's cute and fluffy and features a much more pleasant side of ice cream than MMIC does lol Also, Fem!Jily February was the first time I participated in a fandom event of any kind and it was so magical and there were so many wonderful fics that year, I could cry just thinking back on it now :')

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I feel like this conversation is a bit played out, but I’m curious: do you think JK’s banking on winning a Grammy and potentially getting out of his military service? I’ve tried to take their words for what they are and I know everyone’s said that they’re all going to the military, will be back in 2025, yadda yadda, whatever. I can’t understand why, if that’s the case, they’re banking so much on his solo career if he’s just going to disappear from the scene (physically) for almost 2 years. Do you get what I mean?

My thoughts are that they are actually hoping for a Grammy and subsequent deferment of mandatory service, but then again, nobody knows so I guess we’ll have to wait and see how it all plays out.

As this is only speculation and might as well not happen, let me bring my own contribution. I don't think this is about Jungkook and I'll explain why.

If you look at this entire issue from the perspective of the artist/idol, you'll realize soon that you're stuck, that you can't explain why he's doing this or that. But looking at it as a business deal will shine another light on it.

Yes, Jungkook is leaving to do his military service soon and everything he said up until now points to that so why are they investing so much into making him a "global pop star"? Because Hybe and Hybe America need to show that they can do that. That their strategy is one that works for future business. Why do you think they tried it first on the most versatile of the BTS members, the one that can do any song because he has the voice needed for that? This wouldn't have worked with Taehyung or Jimin. God, I'm so happy it didn't work with Jimin because it would have been horrible to see all that unfoulding. Besides, they had projects on their own and without making any contribution to the song writing, Tae's album was still something that matched his personality, it was him with the help of MHJ.

With Jungkook, the situation is different. I wouldn't know the details, but when they announced their hiatus, it looked like everyone was set on releasing an album, including JK. And then, most likely, life happened. Because you can't plan your state of mind. And when you're under a contract, you do need to listen to other people. I know army always uses the shares in Hybe argument, but the value allocated for the members is insignificant on a larger scale. Yes, they are rich and they can do what they want and sleep on a wlive, but I don't think for one second the company would have let Jungkook do nothing and be a couch potato.

So they found this opportunity. You also have to keep in mind that Hybe paid a lot of money for Scooter's company and then what happened to him? Most of his artists left? So where is this big opportunity for collaboration and projects and all that?

This is just business. That's it. They chose the idol capable of being a blank slate and stuck the concept of global pop star on him. Because that's what it is which is incredibly funny (not). Usually that accolade comes after some time, when the results can be seen over a prolonged period of time, but in this case, that was the starting point. As much as Bang wants to get rid of the k in kpop, they're still using a kpop strategy, that of making an album based on a concept or creating a specific image for an idol.

And now they are pushing it hard. They are investing a ton of money into this in a way that makes them look desperate and I think that in the industry at large, people see it. Not the fans because they either choose to turn a blind eye or their mind doesn't go that far. There are voices which have said a thing or two lately among army, but it's an insignificant minority. The company can rely on the fandom to buy all those 284836521 versions and remixes and they will eat it up. And voila, look at how Hybe produced a global pop star in less than half a year. Quick, open the catalog for some songs that sound mediocre enough for a top 40, make the singer record them asap, fast, done in less than one week. Quickly come up with some generic argument of how this is just to show the artist's vocal range (good job PR for that one, jesus) and then also openly admit that it was made for a Western market, aka US cause the world stops there.

Jungkook had the possibility to show more personality of his own when he was with a group of six other people than with his solo album, which is so ironic. But that is because it is not his album. He's merely a vessel through which Bang and Scooter can show investors that they can invent a global pop star and fast while their pockets grow bigger and bigger.

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Jim & Olu, Screentime Quality & Quantity Issues, and Fandom Engagement

It is kind of insane to me that post-Season-1 of OFMD, the tags for Jim Jimenez and Oluwande Boodhari were almost as strong as the ones for Stede and Ed. Like, scrolling back on tumblr, I'm hit by the sheer amount of content posted for them. The fanart. The gifs. The meta. The sheer anticipation of what might come next for them.

(Now, this might just be because I first started looking at the fandom a year in, but I did my best to look at time stamps and how far things were spread out over time for them.)

Now, only a month and a half out from the finale...that flood has dried up to a trickle, if that. There is very little Jim/Olu content, or (more interesting in my own opinion, at least), very little content of them individually. There was plenty when the season was airing, but now? Not so much.

This is not to say that there is no content at all- I am an absolute fan of the fanfic writers, artists, meta-makers, and gifmakers who still contribute to the tag. The QUALITY is still great! It's the QUANTITY that fascinates me.

Because I think it comes back to both the lack of payoff for the rich character writing for these two post-Season 1 AND the butchering of what they did get.

If you read my past metas for these two characters, you'll find my critique of the fact that late-season Jim doesn't feel like Jim at all, and that Olu throughout ALL OF SEASON TWO doesn't feel like Olu, but rather like the writers dumbed him down into the "himbo" role on the show just to have the badass woman x himbo dynamic with him and Zheng Yi Sao (and I am an admitted lover of said dynamic, but not when you strip one of the few emotionally intelligent, clever, logical characters on the show of his intellect and jam him into the role rather than, idk, choosing one of the actual himbos on the show and putting him into that role...wait a second. The writers already HAD the himbo x badass dynamic with Spanish Jackie and the Stede. Is that literally the only way they could figure out how to write a F/M dynamic this season?).

Also, if you pull out all of the Jim/Olu pre-reunion build up (I see you, deleted scene in the Republic of Pirates where Pete and Olu get to pine after Lucius & Jim and talk about how desperate they are to get back to them), have their reunion be rather anticlimatic, and then don't let them have any real kissing/hugging/even emotional intimacy for the rest of the season...I can see why the tag has gotten to the point it has.

A cursory glance at the Blackbonnet/Gentlebeard tags shows that at least half of the tag is just writing fix-it fics for the season, but they are at least ENGAGING with canon because they were given a lot of material (some might argue too much material, as their screentime was often VERY overbalanced as opposed to the rest, and contrary to what some believe, Season 1 WAS an ensemble show, not just the Stede/Ed show) to work with and sort through. Jim and Olu were not given that in Season 2, and thus the amount of material that those in the tag got to pick through and use was either miniscule or felt OOC in nature. So the investment in the characters and ship has rather gone down, which is sad, because post Season 1 these two had my FAVORITE dynamic on the show.

What is the point of this meta? Idk, it's just a thing I've noticed and that has fascinated me. Watching this fandom from both inside and outside has led to noticing some rather interesting patterns/responses to writing that I thought someone else might be interested in.

[bonefall]

Obviously nobody should be talking poorly about any of Bumble's competitors but it's insane how people voting for Alex are going 'its a CAT'. Like, okay and? Alex Dewitt is ink on paper and we rightfully take issue with her writing to the point of making it a term, so why is it any different when a fictional cat has misogynistic writing? And these are cats with a society, laws, religion, and understanding of (herbal) medicine. They are on par with people. And, it's a YA series. Shouldn't people take the message "fat, abused women dying isn't a problem because they can't contribute ackshually, and if we acknowledge it is how can the goodboy main character stop licking his brother's kitty boots if he's a bad person :(" as a red flag in any series? Let alone one for kids? Like, did everyone outside of the fandom miss the Ashfur defense? Because I was there for it and it was pretty clear a LOT of impressionable children genuinely believed the "he only loved too much" excuse hook line and sinker, and blamed Squirrelflight for everything. There were so many fans genuinely believing that I literally remember seeing hate art and fanfics portraying Squirrelflight as a horrible person just for asking to stay friends. That alone was a testament to how harmful Warriors can be, all because of that one scene of Ashfur being spotted in StarClan.

And with that fiasco in mind, how can anyone trivialize it to Bumble being 'just a cat'? Especially when kids are reading this, and could really take the harmful message Gray Wing the """Wise""" has for them that if you have nothing to contribute to the people you desperately need help from, you are stupid for trying to ask for it. I was lucky to not take any of the really harmful portrayals relationships in Warriors to heart, but not everyone will be. People should support Alex all they want, she deserves it! But downplaying what happened to Bumble because she's a cat is harmful :(

Alex DeWitt's story is so shocking and straightforward that you're able to sum it up with a single word; "Fridging." It's become the touchstone for a wider discussion about misogyny in media because it is so evocative and so easy to explain as an example.

That IS important. That IS a legacy.

But somehow, if you try to explain how EARLY misogyny in media starts, and how pervasive it is even in "less respectable" mediums like YA xenofiction, they lose their fucking minds. People who refuse to read anything at all going, "what could possibly have happened to a cat?"

You know what, though? I'm GLAD Bumble is winning, and I'm proud of this fandom and our campaigning. I think we actually deserve to be a little smug about this after all the damn "justa cat" comments. Bumble doesn't HAVE a legacy. The book doesn't VALUE HER LIFE AT ALL! "It's so sad Clear Sky is going to have his reputation ruined for killing this useless woman. I never liked Bumble anyway, what matters about this is my poor brother :("

The runner of the Canon Misogyny Tournament mentioned in passing how they kinda take issue with the idea of quantifying misogyny based on suffering because of how it oversimplifies the insidious ways it can express in a narrative, and I've thought a lot about that a lot. They're right.

And Alex is THE posterchild of this because her death is ghoulish. We needed what happened to her as a simple, evocative term, to advance the conversation around media misogyny and get it through people's skulls. But, she has become the conclusion of a sentiment that the more gruesome the death is, the more misogynist that makes it.

but. The fridge was not the misogynistic part of what happened to Alex. THE FACT SHE WAS ONLY INVENTED TO DIE FOR THE PAIN OF A MAN IS. THAT is what the term "fridging" is supposed to point out; The absolute LACK of interest in her as a 3-dimensional character, in women as people, to the point where the writer chose to send Alex out in a gorey, disrespectful way solely as a motivator for her boyfriend. THAT is the bad part.

But instead people have latched onto the fridge half. More violent = more misogyny.

There's a lot of ways for a narrative to be misogynist, though. To downplay the lives, emotions, or contributions of women characters, and to reinforce real-world bigotry.

Warrior Cats does a LOT of this, blaming bad mothers who didn't shut up and accept their 'purpose in life' for Brokenstar's tyranny, making it a TRAGIC thing that Clear Sky is being held accountable for murdering women because his man pain makes it ok, and even blaming Squirrelflight for rejecting Ashfur's advances which caused him to go "crazy" and attempt to murder her children (until, of course, the welcomed retcon of TBC).

Bumble's death, because she is a fat woman, is treated as unavoidable. It's not a terrible thing she died, Gray Wing never really liked her anyway, what REALLY "matters" is that now no one likes her murderer.

She was stupid and selfish to even ask for help, because she is so fat and weak. To be upset at all that her only friend watched her get dragged back to her abuser. Even as she bleeds out, she gets to listen to Turtle Tail making up excuses and wishing she "could have found happiness."

All while Tom the Wifebeater, the fat man who physically assaulted two women, gets a big cutesy redemption death and honored and beloved by everyone and even gets to "lose weight and that's so good :)". Because the books value the lives of men more than the lives of women, plain and simple.

Bumble wasn't just fridged. It's worse than that. Her life doesn't even have enough value to get Clear Sky held accountable for murdering her, because beloved writer favorite Gray Wing hated her for being friends with his wife and doesn't want anyone to hate his poor, innocent big brother :(

Like you said, you can ask anyone in this fandom and they'll tell you about the impressionable kid they were, or have MET, who was badly influenced by the constant misogyny of these books. People who defend Bramblestar tooth and nail as he abuses his wife, the screeds against both Leafpool and Nightcloud for making Crowfeather sad, and the absolutely radioactive Ashfur Defenders who have thankfully died down since TBC's welcome retcons.

It doesn't just end with annoying internet comments. Those kids carry that kind of message with them. It reinforces existing biases and causes them to downplay abused women and toxic men in their real lives.

But sure, "just a cat." Cool way to downplay the 20-year-old bestselling YA fantasy series that is still ongoing but ok. 50000 Bumblesweeps upon ye.

(though i do also have to say, since I started speaking more about it today, I'm seeing more non-wc fans push back against the 'just a cat' comments. Sincerely, thanks guys. It's not every DC fan or Alex voter, just a very vocal section of sore losers willing to downplay misogyny because they're angry.)

[alagaesia-headcanons]

There's something inherently ugly about how you ship Murtagh with Orrin. It's one thing to not like the main ship for a beloved character as set up by the author - valid - but it's another to push half of said ship away to force in your fave pasty white boy. You can write meta after meta after meta all you want about how poor Orrin is done dirty, or how that meanie Nasuada hurt him, or how the books don't put your fave background character on a pedestal, but all your writing amounts to is the fact that you've imprinted on Orrin and are now using him as a vessel for your original character. In your writing, he's not a character from the series anymore - he's your OC wearing Orrin's face and bearing Orrin's name. Which, it isn't bad to expand upon a sidelines character. But it's the way you turn around and spew how fandom fave Murtagh is in love with your OC that really shows the truth and the rot festering in you. You can cry and bemoan the romantic love Paolini has written between Murtagh and Nasuada, but your essay won't amount to jack shit if you're just going to turn around and replace Nasuada with your OC and suddenly sing it's praise.

Before you start decrying all of this, ask yourself: why are you so desperate to discredit canon's romance? It's one thing to think they should both remain single after the trauma they experienced throughout the series - fair take. But then why are you so eager to prop up your own ship? Is "Orrin" inherently more worthy of of Murtagh's love? Or is Nasuada simply not worthy, but instead in the way, in your eyes? You can wish all you want for people to love your writing, but that doesn't hide the rotten foundation of your ship: sidelining Nasuada to uplift your white fave and wanting him to have all that she does. No amount of rambling meta about how they're a "good ship" and they would work will ever cover up your inherent biases and -ism's that your poor sad white boy's ship is built upon.

For the love of god.

Anon, let me just say this to you directly- block me. It's that easy. Sending something like this instead is an embarrassment. But since you've already said your piece, I'll go ahead and say mine.

Let me first bring up what you oddly wouldn't directly accuse me of (maybe even you knew what a blatant straw man it is), that being racism. I'm not going to make light of this. Racism in fandom is a real issue, and separating a ship with a character of color to ship white characters can be a symptom of that. I have never turned a blind eye to this and I make a continual effort to remain conscious of it because it's incredibly important to me that I'm not contributing to this kind of prejudice in fandom.

This pairing started years ago when I thought of a crack ship polycule with all three of them. Over time as I considered that, the idea of shipping Murtagh and Orrin developed into a distinct concept which I found more intriguing than shipping Murtagh and Nasuada. At that point, I made an active decision to examine my interest and determine if it was grounded in the way canon presents the individual qualities and dynamics of these specific characters, independent of the broad groups any of them fall into, or if it lacked any such basis in canon and only stemmed from an unconscious bias of mine. And if I didn't find any substantial elements of canon that supported the idea, I intended to put it away and work through my bias.

So I looked, and I found I could fully explain the reasons the ship appealed to me through the details in the books. I never made some public announcement about taking this issue into full consideration because it shouldn't be performative. Holding myself accountable is a basic personal responsibility which I take seriously, not something to make me look better. But it’s always felt meaningful to simply convey that I care about putting thought and reason into my ideas and my preference for my ship isn’t baseless. I’ve done that, but it seems I should be more direct here.

So let me lay out my thought process. Why am I not interested in shipping Murtagh and Nasuada? The things that deter me personally are both emotional and logistical issues. The major emotional issue to me is how disparate their priorities are. Murtagh prioritizes protecting loved ones, which causes issues when he accepts and complies with awful acts while trying to defend them. Nasuada prioritizes the good of her cause, which causes issues when she dismisses another person’s wellbeing when it’s in the way of her goals. Murtagh’s character arc is about learning the best thing he can do for his loved ones might be accepting their willingness to make sacrifices, suggesting he becomes aware of his issue and would try to correct that going forward. However, Nasuada still doesn’t seem aware of her issue after the war, given her policy about magicians and her minimal concern for Roran, so that still presents an underlying problem that would badly exacerbate their serious trauma until it’s addressed.

None of that is a moral judgment on anything. Both of them could cause any number of other issues; it’s just stating where they stand. And I still think they could be written in a way that stays true to their characters while working through those issues so that they stay together. I think it’d be exceptionally challenging, and it still might not be to my own taste, but it has that potential. But there are also logistical issues. Nasuada is queen in Uru’baen. I genuinely feel like this is so meaningful to her character, a very fitting culmination of her aspirations, and if she were to take substantial spans away from her throne, it would be a disservice to how she was written. That said, with the way I characterize Murtagh, I really don’t feel that he would want to openly settle in a place defined by politics and power struggles. I feel like it would be very unfulfilling for him and Thorn, especially in the city of his tumultuous childhood and their tortuous enslavement. So given the dissatisfaction if Nasuada left the rule she wants and deserves and the discontent of Murtagh living in Uru’baen, I struggle to imagine them as more than a distant, intermittent relation.

So that’s why I personally don’t enjoy shipping them. Of course, it’s subjective, but I feel like it’s also fair, and you seem to suggest that you do too. So let’s move on. So now the question is if a potential relationship with Orrin would present the same or equivalent issues that I overlook just because he's a white man.

Naturally, this is subjective too, but I say no. Of course there are still possible emotional issues between them (if there were none it’d be boring), but they’re different. Given the way specific way Orrin grieves for his friends and struggles to have faith in their cause when he sees the risk of his people being killed, I believe he is also more focused on looking after individuals than pursuing a cause. I feel like that lays a smoother groundwork with Murtagh, who has been hurt by people who dismissed his wellbeing, and that reduces a lot of underlying pain between them. Orrin’s other struggles, like defeatism, fear, and hopelessness, as well as yearning for recognition and autonomy, align with Murtagh’s experience more in a way that makes their emotional issues more interesting to engage with.

With logistical issues, obviously Orrin is also a king. But I don’t find that presents the same issues either. I interpret that Orrin didn’t want to be king and isn’t content in that role. When the matter of Murtagh’s desire to avoid being openly tied to Surda’s seat of power arises, I find a much more interesting and balanced potential story where Orrin also hopes to leave his crown and they support each other in their search for a home that they can both make their own. The discrepancies I personally find so bothersome between Murtagh and Nasuada don’t come up with Murtagh and Orrin, so I enjoy their ship more. It’s just about my interpretation of compatibility. That is the crux of my thought process. No one has to agree with it, but I believe it stands as a fair assessment.

You insist that I ask myself why I prefer one ship over another. I've done that. I've already been doing that the entire time and will continue to do so. You keep whining that I make a lot of meta analysis about aspects of the characters and how I feel like they would or wouldn't mesh together, and yeah. That's the whole fucking point. In the same way I just did, those posts explore and articulate the concrete reasons one ship appeals to me and one doesn't. For years I've diligently asked myself why I'm drawn to Murtagh/Orrin more than Murtagh/Nasuada and I'm fully secure and confident in my answer that it's the emotional and narrative possibilities they have that appeal to me more. If I was given all the details of these characters, stripped of any names, descriptions, genders, ect. I know I would still really love this ship.

And that's not even to say that it's somehow "better" (it's just different in a way that suits my taste), or that Murtagh and Nasuada's relationship must be meaningless or non-existent if it's not romantic. In my story where I ship him and Orrin, he and Nasuada go through struggles, but as they grow, they're able to reconcile and learn to better support each other and their relationship ends in a much better place.

(Also, if you're talking about my “essay” that Murtagh's true name doesn't change because he fell for Nasuada, that's irrelevant to shipping them. The series could end with them getting married and they could be my all time otp, and it'd still be true that falling in love didn't change his true name. It's just a separate part of his character arc.)

For another thing, Murtagh and Nasuada are NOT a canon ship, and that does matter. For example, it has very different implications to change an interracial ship that is happily married in canon. In the IC, it is canon that they're attracted to each other, but nothing beyond that. (And I've never even discredited that! In fact, I've said their attraction is well written and in character. It's included in my story; I didn't overwrite it.) They're never in a relationship and there's no set up that implies romance is inevitable for their stories. You yourself acknowledge that there are very valid reasons to interpret that a romantic relationship wouldn't work between them!!! So if it's fine to not ship Murtagh and Nasuada as a couple, why is it suddenly heinous to imagine Murtagh with someone else?

It’s not. Your claims are far more baseless and distasteful. Why do you act like Nasuada couldn’t possibly be respected or worthy without Murtagh’s affection? Why do you act like pointing out her mistakes condemns her entirely, as if she’s not allowed to have any flaws? Why do you think a relationship with Murtagh is equivalent to all that Nasuada has? I won’t make your kind of moral accusations about a stranger, but I will simply say that I find that very objectionable. I love Nasuada for being such a unique, flawed, and fascinating character who is so much more than all that. And if you made such a volatile, deplorable, inappropriate response simply to the idea that Murtagh- a fictional character- could love someone else, you might need to take a step back. You’re being cruel.

(Also, I don’t feel like going through the whole “u just made orrin into an oc” shit tbh. This is long enough. I take care to draw my characterization from canon, but y’all can read my stuff and decide for yourself if you’d like. Although, saying I imprinted on him is the funniest part of this ludicrous message. You know what, yeah. I’ve tricked you all. You thought this blog was being run by a human being? WRONG. Baby duckling.)

[rmd-writes]

Hi!! I always love what you write, so I'm very excited to see whatever this secret project is! But for now I do have a question about beta reading. How did you break into it? For a long time I have thought that I would enjoy doing that for different people, and I like that kind of fine-tooth comb editing work. But I am not a writer myself, just an avid fic enjoyer, so it feels like I can't quite bring as much to the table or meet other authors in a mutual kind of way. And I would never want to imply that an author needed that extra help or anything like that by just cold reaching out to them. Sorry that so much about me haha, I'm not necessarily looking for any advice (though if you had any I would certainly take it) but I am curious about how you got into it and what your experience has been like! Thank you!!

Hi nonnie! Thanks for the ask!

Can I just say to start with, that as an avid fic enjoyer, you absolutely can meet writers and other creators in a mutual way! Everyone has a place in fandom and something to contribute. It would be a very lonely world for creators if people weren't there to enjoy what we make (and hopefully tell us what they're liking those things). Personally, I appreciate readers so much and I especially love seeing regular names pop up in my inbox 💖💖

As for how I got into beta reading, it started back when a pal in Schitt's Creek fandom was writing a fic and worried that she was going to lose motivation to write it so I offered to sit in the doc and cheer her on. Please note that my motivation for doing so was entirely selfish because it meant that I had early access to the fic that I desperately wanted her to keep writing 😅 that eventually turned into me beta reading that fic (and all of her fics after that) for her.

I started beta reading more frequently in RWRB - I'd signed up as a beta reader for an event, but around the same time I also got to know other writers via a discord server. Sometimes people would ask for beta readers and I'd volunteer - I'm still a tiny bit dirty that @three-drink-amy snagged the beta rights to bleedingballroomfloor's baseball boyfriends fic right out from under my nose even though she is far better qualified than I to beta read a baseball fic - so much so that she helped me with the baseball scenes in my rwrb lawyer au lol (please know that I love them both dearly, there is no internet beef here).

You say that you don't want to reach out to writers and imply that they need assistance, but honestly, sliding into people's DMs and letting them know that either I'm very interested in X fic that they're writing and would they like someone to beta read it or that I'm available in general to help if they want it because I love their writing is how I've ended up beta reading for almost all of the writers I do that for!! People are generally just thankful to know that someone is interested in their writing! It can be a lonely hobby sometimes and having someone to live in your docs or send snippets to can help balance the need for wanting to talk about your fics with someone or bounce ideas off someone and wanting to keep what you're working on under wraps.

God, this is getting really long, I'm so sorry. I've been rambling and I'm not even sure that I answered your question.

You asked what my experience has been like and for the most part, it's been very positive! I get early access to fics (I often say that my favourite way to read a fic is in google docs 😂), I get to cheer my friends on and sometimes they even trust me enough to let me throw ideas at them and write them into their stories - sometimes I even get to do this without actually doing any editing and that's just as fun. I love beta reading, I think there's something really special about being trusted with the draft of someone's writing and getting to help make it the best that it can be (what that involves looks different for every writer I work with). 💖

And all of that doesn't even touch on how much I learn from the writers I've worked with - it's definitely helped me improve my own writing!

[veralynna-blog]

My contribution to Durgetash

I figured since I think I can only post any fanfic I'm working on from any fandom only when its completed I might as well post a drabble so I don't go insane and maybe get some feedback. I'm not really sure where this lies in my timeline but definitely pre-amnesia. My canon Durge is Bellece and Enver is so down bad for this girl.

Tagged as mature because it is sex but not really graphic.

She imagined he would look similar when she finally had him on her Father’s altar. Sprawled out onto his back, head draped over the edge as she leaned over top him, dipping her fingers in his blood. A violent shudder ran through her as his fingers curled upward, touching some part of her that shouldn’t exist. This was too intimate. She pressed her heel into his shoulder, pushing him away. He was nearly breathless and begged to continue, asked why she had stopped him. She didn’t say it aloud, but she knew she didn’t deserve it. She may as well have been rotting from the inside, and yet he said she tasted sweet. Liar. More kind lies from the little tyrant’s mouth that he spewed to every noble, any patriar he needed to manipulate with his honeyed words alone. She was not like them. He could whore himself out as much as he liked but she would not be victim to it, and she found herself offended that he seemed to think her naive enough to fall for his same tricks. 

“Is there a point to any of this?”

“What do you mean?” His eyes were still hazy with lust, completely unguarded. It almost made her sick. 

“What do you possibly gain from embarrassing us both with this display?” She raised herself onto her arms, finally meeting his eyes. 

He was silent for a moment, his eyes searching hers for perhaps a sign that she was saying this in jest. “Do you find me inadequate?” A playful smile exposed his canine. “I’ve only just started… I assure you, if you allowed me to—”

She dug her heel deeper in his shoulder until he winced. “What do you gain from touching me?”

He slowly rose from the floor, repositioning her knee over his shoulder as he leaned over her, his wide body blocking the moonlight streaming in from the balcony window. “Nothing nefarious.” His breath ghosted over her lips. “I was surprised when you first appeared before me. The God of Murder should have a daughter that fits the rest of his bloody following, it’s what anyone would expect. Your skin does not match your blood, Bellece.”

She glared into the shadows obscuring his face. “My Father does not make mistakes, little tyrant.” 

“Of course not. Your Father laid the perfect trap when he made you so beautiful. It is a shame you can’t see it. That you can’t see what I see.”

Her traitorous tongue moved on its own. “What do you see?”

“My ruin.” He laid a kiss against her collarbone and she let him. 

“Is that all?” She scoffed. 

“I see you fix your hair behind your pointed ear and imagine you repeating the same motion before taking my cock between your lips.”

Her face grew unbearably hot. “Enver!” She scolded, alarmed as heat shot back down to her core.

A smile spread across his lips and he leaned into her neck, biting her flesh. “My name. Say it again.”

“No.” She tried not to mewl as he dipped his fingers back inside her, the softness of his touch mixing beautifully with the sharpness of his bite. She wasn’t meant to feel this, her Father created her to destroy, she shouldn’t— Bellece couldn’t control the volume of her voice as Enver moved his fingers faster and faster, the feeling inside her climbing higher and higher until it burned too hot. A desperate plea to her Father tumbled past her lips as she came, and it wasn’t until she opened her eyes that she realized that she’d fallen onto her back and her fingers were desperately clinging onto Enver’s coat. She wanted to recoil, to push Bane’s Chosen off of her, but froze when a dark chuckle rumbled against her throat. 

[fiddlepickdouglas]

This post is for the people who desperately wish they had the ravenous hunger for fanfiction like everyone else. Who have lists of saved and bookmarked fics for concepts that genuinely interest them but for some reason cannot get the motivation to read past the summary. This post is for people who want to support all their friends' writing but the difficulty of getting started doesn't let them. To the few who have made genuine attempts to give heartfelt commentary and feedback when they have managed to get through a chapter or two (or a paragraph or two if that's all that was read).

Reading for pleasure isn't as simple a thing just like writing for pleasure isn't. I have literally scheduled time in my calendar to read a specific fic, knowing I would have that freedom. I don't know what keeps me from getting started aside from generic mental illness symptoms. I wish I could join the fun. My mind is the thing gatekeeping me from appreciating the talents of so many and I'm all too aware of it and it's incredibly frustrating. I feel so alone in this struggle, especially since I also write and love when people find my work. (And yes, I have a lot of difficulty reading through my own work. There's a lot of unfinished wips and half-planned ideas due to this.)

I love being able to contribute to my fandoms in other ways, but having to struggle just to read through a story no matter how engaging and well-written it is, has weighed on me for years.

[frazzledsoul]

I'm about 2/3 of the way through Shameless season 7 and Fiona is absolutely not a sympathetic character to me at all at this point. I think my breaking point is when she sends her five-year-old brother out to walk to kindergarten alone the first day, he finds out the school is closed, returns home, Frank (of all people) is the one to figure out that the school's been closed and he's being bussed half an hour away, and basically pesters the local private school into accepting him tuition-free. It's not lost on me that Liam has spent most of his time with Frank this season.

Where was Fiona all of this time? Oh, she randomly bought a failing business from a woman with dementia because she was convinced it was what she needed to move up in the world, put the house up as collateral despite Lip begging her not to and telling her it was a bad decision, only to discover that the business is a money pit that likely can't be saved. She says she can't be responsible for her siblings anymore because she has "a plan for her life" and she needs to focus on herself, yet she's spending all day on this random business she didn't need to buy and did not research beforehand. She's not focusing on work, she is in fact STEALING from her job, and she's not taking care of her siblings, either. Like it or not, Fiona, you willingly took on those responsibilities and you can't just throw the underage kids out because they don't pay enough "rent" or wash your hands of them.

Debbie is a whole topic until herself but I don't believe Fiona's behavior towards her is justified because she needs to "punish" her for having the baby (which seems to be what Shameless fandom believes). If Fiona had just looked after the baby for half an hour while Debbie went on her job interview or said she'd agree to postpone the rent agreement until Debbie could start paying or helped her find a child care plan until Debbie could contribute it would have saved both of them a lot of problems. Debbie's still underage and Fiona's still responsible for her and the trouble she gets into whether she likes it or not. Yes, Debbie is selfish and entitled but she's also desperate because Fiona helped put her in that position. Fiona also doesn't seem to realize the baby is a part of her family, too, and she needs to look out for her welfare as well, something she did consider when she was a newborn but doesn't seem to care about six months later.

(None of these solutions require Fiona to change a single diaper, BTW. I just think she needs to be a guardian and help her teenage sister come up with a plan. She also does not need to incur additional debt and put the house at risk with three kids still left to raise).

OTOH, Lip looks really damn good this season and is constantly running around in muscle shirts or is shirtless. I really appreciate it.

[saintsenara]

kingsley is such an underrated character in fandom! showing some much deserved love by contributing to the kingsley ship asks:

kingsley/harry

kingsley/ginny

kingsley/scrimgeour

kingsley/rita

and for some flavour: kingsley/vernon (whose crush on the man at the beginning of deathly hallows absolutely kills me). the beginnings of a vernon redemption arc? or the catharsis of watching kingsley pull-off a flawless romance scam, and then join mrs. zabini on the french riviera with that sweet grunnings/life insurance coin?

so true, pal - and i'm delighted that kingsley is finally starting to be recognised for the absolute babe he canonically is.

harry potter/kingsley shacklebolt

answered here - i think it would work and i stand by it.

kingsley shacklebolt/ginny weasley

yeah go on.

i'll back this for the same reasons that i back pairing harry and kingsley - that the adult ginny would respect that kingsley is a laugh and that he'd been so nice to sirius, and that kingsley would respect that ginny is a bit bolshy.

rufus scrimgeour/kingsley shacklebolt

i love that scrimgeour is so intensely sus about kingsley and tonks in order of the phoenix - and that he must, therefore, be aware that kingsley's "sirius is in tibet" scheme is a scam but find himself unable to prove it...

and so some endless late-night interrogations about what kingsley's up to? a hot premise.

kingsley shacklebolt/rita skeeter

rita is guaranteed to hold this political view:

and to, therefore, be extremely fond of producing puff-pieces about kingsley as minister, in which she credits the arrest and imprisonment of dolores umbridge for crimes against humanity to his sexy bald head.

is kingsley particularly into it? no. but he's a canny politician and therefore realises that it doesn't hurt his poll numbers - even if it hurts his pride - to let rita stroke his... ego.

vernon dursley/kingsley shacklebolt

vernon being canonically ready to risk it all for kingsley - literally because he looks great in a suit - always absolutely sends me. i think harry's wrong that the earring would put him off - he'd think it looked sexy and devil-may-care.

and you have no idea how much i now desperately need that second fic.

[ammwriting]

Bad Habits

Part 3

Angel Torres x Jupes Assistant!Reader

Requested? Absolutely not.

A/N: Thank you all for the support on this series, it seriously means the most to me. I've alway wanted to contribute to a fandom or a community in some way so I'm glad you guys are enjoying it. I've been going through a lot in my personal life (dumb I know) so I appreciate everyone's patience with this follow up!

I didn't even realize the Haywood's had stopped walking with us, I was more worried about finally questioning this guy now that we were alone for the first time in the last week on the status of our "relationship". I'll admit that was even putting it out there a bit, but I don't think strangers/mutual acquaintances would be sharing a bed the way we were at this point.

"So do you have a girlfriend?"

I'm so fucking stupid. I've only been sharing a bed with him for a week and I'm going to ask that now? If I were lucky I could just blame it on...unfortunate recent developments, i.e. an assumed alien eating my boss, which I think would be a reasonable excuse in this case.

"Um...no. I mean I did! But she broke up with me. She booked a pilot on the CW and dumped me after four years. I mean it's fine. She was a model and actress, Rebecc-"

"What the fuck? You can't just drop that you just broke up with your model-slash-actress girlfriend of four fucking years dude! We slept in the same bed!"

It only took me halfway through his statement to realize he wasn't really over it, and it was my own fault for asking honestly, but still...did he like me? Does this shit even matter at this point? Well in that case, fair enough. Maybe it's just me, but he could've said something before we started sharing joints and, I don't know, beds?

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you...but you could have mentioned at any point before this one that you just broke up with a girlfriend of four years...who has since gone on to be an actress and model...for the C-fucking-W"

I was trying to be sympathetic I mean who wants to get dumped over some shit like that?

"...the CW fucking sucks."

I looked up and he was looking at me after he said it. Not talking directly to or glancing over at me.

Looking.

How long had it been since someone talked to me? Apparently a long fucking time since I started tearing up over it, but really was it so hard to look at someone and say something nice? Was it nice or am I desperate? Probably both but luckily for him I was willing to risk it all for just that statement.

________________________L O A D I N G__________________________

Getting back to the Haywood's Ranch was the worst decision I think I've ever made in my current life, like, who's idea was it? Well obviously it was the Haywood's since OJ was ready to catch this thing on camera if it was the last thing he did.

At this point it just might be.

When we made it back we saw the filmography extraordinaire himself, Antlers, standing there. He was looking at the "cloud" over on the edge of the farm when we walked up before he mentioned it hadn't moved in hours. Why was he staring at it for hours? Who knows it's probably a film thing, but he did have a vibe about him that just screamed "Whatever it takes to get the shot" and I could feel it.

We had a meeting where we picked...monopoly pieces. That's right! God damn monopoly pieces to represent our part in this get rich or die trying scheme. Obviously I chose the battleship and informed them I'd be with Em watching the cameras until they went out and we'd eventually make a break for the house ideally.

We had one night before shit went off and I intended to make everything as clear as I could before we potentially died tomorrow.

We saw ourselves out to a sitting room in the Haywoods house,

"So if I said when all this shit is over, when "Jean Jacket" is dead, and we have our picture...we're going on a date right? I would say I don't want to assume, but to be honest I don't think I can sleep or exist without you nearby and hopefully it's vice versa?"

That was a lot...based on the way he was staring at me, and he wasn't saying anything. Fuck. Fuck I totally jumped the gun on this, who says that?

"Is this rejection? Are you turning me down? Oh my god, this is embarrassing, I totally thought we were on the same page. Why didn't you say anything? Dude I thought this was a trauma bond for life and it's not-"

"No! No, oh my god no! I just wasn't expecting you to bring it up, but I shouldn't be surprised because of how we've been going so far honestly." He pauses and looks at me. "You've been very forward I mean-"

"I know what you mean" I deadpan back.

"...I might be able to get the time off for a date, but it might just be Denny's or something. If that's cool...with you...?"

I looked back at him after being so fucking embarrassed about being almost brushed off by the cutest loser I'd ever met thus far, but I saw nothing but sincerity to the point it was almost insecurity. That definitely made me feel better about asking in the first place that he was just as nervous as me.

"Yeah. I'd like that. Let's survive this fucking cosmic horror tomorrow...and maybe we can even spend the night again."

________________________L O A D I N G__________________________

The whole function went to complete shit not even one full hour after it'd commenced. I didn't even think it was possible for something to go so wrong after it'd just started honestly.

Antlers and Angel were up on a small hill a small distance away, in sight but definitely out of range should anything go wrong while me and Em were in the house setting up speakers while she chose something to play for...hype? Motivation? I'm not too sure but I'm not saying anything to my only company and the one person who's holding me down right now cause I was about to piss myself.

I had given Angel a brief goodbye after our agreement the night before. If we both live, then we'll leave here together. If.

I'll be honest I don't remember much after me and Em went to the shack to check the cameras. I remember the douche on the motorcycle showing up, yelling at him to get lost with his weird chrome helmet? Him completely ignoring me and riding out to play investigator, crashing, and getting fucking eaten by JJ.

I remember watching Antlers die for the perfect shot.

I remember beginning to watch JJ come back for Him, Angel, before looking away because I couldn't take it if she grabbed him.

Finally I remember running back to the shack to look at the cameras, at OJ, the guy who saved me that night after I'd lost what I deemed everything. My job, my boss, and my future within a few hours. Then the roof was ripped away, Em and I carried up with it.

Then she dropped us.

When I woke up I was face down on the dirt, my left leg not responding to my drive to stand up and the sun setting in the distance. JJ was in her full form. A fucking nightmare. That's what this all was, one big fucking nightmare.

I could see what looked like...the Jupe balloon? Kid Sheriff? Floating towards her before it "looked" at her and she...swallowed it? I don't know...I don't know what's happening.

Then there he was. My Angel. Sat down in the dirt almost like he was waiting for me. wrapped in a blue tarp I recognized as the one he Antlers were under what felt like years ago, but in reality was only a few hours ago.

I limped for a few feet before I fell and started crawling towards him before he noticed and started limping towards me on the ground. I hadn't even realized I started crying and it was slowly turning into sobbing. I rolled on my back looking at the sky as the sun disappeared behind the hills and was just heaving as I sobbed.

He made it to me and threw himself on the ground before he finished crawling to me, picking my head up and cradling it in his hands. I could see him through my tears just barely, trying to control my breathing enough to focus on him.

"It's over? It's done? Please tell me...-"

"It's done! We're okay! They did it, we're okay!" he kept saying while trying to push may hair and tears away. I don't know if OJ was okay. Or if Em was okay. Antlers was dead and almost took my Angel with him.

I was alive. I did next to nothing, but I'm alive and my Angel and I were free.