#and i'm desperate to start contributing to the fandom

[amoremagnificentbastard]

Everyone.

It's happening.

I'm writing my first BG3 fanfiction.

[alastors-antlers]

Why Alastor is good aroace rep after all, written by an aroace

Hello all! I just want to start off this post by saying that I'm one person who definitely doesn't speak for all aroaces, but I wanted to make a post on this anyway, and maybe some folk would be interested in hearing out another perspective?

I'm not really caught up on everything that's been said over the course of HH's creation - only more recent interviews, since I'm pretty new to the fandom. Apologies if I've missed anything, but also I do not have the time to keep up with all the out-of-canon-material backstory unfortunately. I'm working with what we've got here.

So here's the thing:

Alastor is cruel, he's narcissistic, he doesn't care about anyone except himself, he's a serial killer and a monster.

(That's the argument I've heard - please tell me if that's not really what people are going for lol, in which case I've totally misunderstood?)

The issue with aroace rep when it paints asexual people with those traits is that it aims to dehumanizes them. Sex and love are essential to the human experience, right? So why wouldn't someone be interested? Because they're self-absorbed, and cold, and detached. They don't have the capacity to love others enough to feel romance.

And sure, Alastor is a killer, and a schemer, and prideful, and a monster by hell's standards. But no matter how above it all and stylish and in control and provocative he wants to be, he's a very human character, and his aroace-ness never serves to add to his alienation. You could even say that it makes him seem even more personable.

That's what I think is the key difference.

why he's human

Alastor's whole persona is about control, and he basically straight-up says this. He's controlling what his enemies know, what his public image is like. His goal is to be the Radio Demon -- overlord of Hell, charismatic, Machiavellian, and undefeatable. He's not. Despite that smile plastered over his face (a powerful tool, huh) he's so expressive for someone who's constantly pretending.

You see his exasperation with the Egg Bois and with Charlie's ranting; his nervousness in front of Zestial; his frustration with Lucifer and the petty lengths he goes to to piss off the ruler of Hell.

You see his desperation, making that deal with Charlie. He's surprised by the idea of being vulnerable in front of an enemy like Adam, and so close to danger. He drops the radio filter and the affect out of fear, and runs on broadcast TV to let out panic and anger and bitterness in his hideout, where no one else can see him.

He has a smile that tells us he's genuinely happy to see someone; it's a little wider than his default. You see it with Mimzy's greeting, you see it with Rosie. Rosie, especially, serves to make Alastor more human to the audience. More on this later, but for now, I'm just saying that you can see that he at least seems to respect her greatly. Whatever bond they have, we know that he trusts her to touch him, to share history with him, and with support that he trusts no one else for.

He pretends, but he can't pretend it all away. Loads of these emotions aren't even advantageous for him to show. It isn't necessarily how the typical asexual psychopath acts; he's not emotionless or only capable of anger or brutality.

He's so full of emotion that it leaks through, despite all that he does to avoid it. He's not inhuman and aloof, not really - he's so, so human, even when he tries not to be because he thinks that'll be what keeps him above all the rest. In control, and free from his chains.

(If anyone wants to see images about all this, I'll make a separate post - just let me know.)

(I also have another post, talking about why Alastor is at least a little attached to the hotel's residents too, shown via conversation with Niffty. In what way? different question.)

how the aroace part contributes to that

Now, to be fair, we don't hear much about his aroaceness in canon. It's just not relevant a lot of the time.

In the pilot, Angel's proposition ruffles his feathers so much that Alastor blanks for a moment. It's a joke, sure, but that ace panic face is a pretty popular Alastor moment in the fandom - Alastor, thrown off-balance by a sex joke of all things, after so many years in Hell that he should probably be used to this.

It's a moment that makes him more approachable; his aroaceness shows him unprepared for something someone else does for one of the only real moments in the whole episode.

And the other part: the ace in the hole statement.

Rosie apparently knows Alastor so well that she read that he's aroace. That tells us about their relationship; namely, that it is long-standing and genuine enough that she gleaned a piece of real information from him. It's a casual fact that she knows about him before he even figured it out himself. It lends legitimacy to their bond - this bond that shows us a more comfortable and warm side of Alastor that we don't often see.

If their relationship is purely business, isn't this something pretty frivolous and personal? It's not like he has anything to gain by telling her about his life, but she learned about it somehow. How close are they? That's where it adds a layer of complexity and personality to his character..

thoughts on representation

Overall, Alastor's an interesting character who has a level of depth and care and personality (outside of cruelty) that asexual psychopath tropes lack. Again, the moments where he's being represented as disinterested in sex or romance don't make him seem detached. Again, they don't say "look how hostile toward relationships his behaviour is - how separate he is from our humanity". That's what bad villain ace rep is. That's not what the show's doing.

Also: I'm not saying that we need to lower our standards or anything, but even if you think it's not the best rep, I feel like we should be supporting HH's efforts here. I know that on Tumblr we have a pretty queer-friendly space going, which is honestly an understatement lol but

Aces are incredibly underrepresented in fiction. There's a whole Wikipedia page about asexual characters in media, and it's short as all hell, and even if you consider what's on there you see quite a number of one-off characters who are never mentioned again.

In terms of real life business - before the DSM updated their definition of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in 2013, identifying as asexual wasn't even a recognized thing. If you talked to a clinician about your lack of sexual desire, you could be diagnosed with a disorder. Only in the 5th edition do we now have a little exclusion footnote about it.

The concept of asexuality hasn't been explored nearly as much as other queer identities in our scientific research. We get crumbs in terms of mainstream representation and understanding. House M.D. has an episode where House "disproves" us because he's just so smart.

Alastor isn't going to be perfect representation. There's no such thing as perfect representation, and from the moment he was conceptualized, you could see how people would take him poorly. Still, I think he's a net positive.

He isn't a side character or a token ace - he's a core part of the show, whose personality and character motivations we can reasonably presume are going to be explored much more deeply in upcoming season(s). He's loved by the fandom. Right now, given what we know, I trust Vivziepop to write the aroace representation he deserves, because with the way I've heard the cast/directing/etc. talk about him, they're trying to do the aroace community justice, so I wish people would let up just a little on the whole "Alastor is bad rep".

Let's give him a chance, all right?

[violetasteracademic]

I am going to say something for my Elriels that I hope can be absorbed with grace and compassion. I realize not everyone may agree, and I do not speak for all survivors. But I am speaking from the perspective of someone who has received over 19 years of intensive therapy (yes, I started at 14. Feel free to calculate my age) as well as EMDR to treat complex PTSD. I hope you can hear this and take it to heart, and understand that *both sides* are contributing to some of us considering whether or not we should permanently leave this fandom to protect ourselves. If your interest is protecting survivors, I hope you will hear this with nothing but love and care in my heart and wanting this to be a better place for everyone and feel open to what I would like to say.

If you are taking this opportunity to re-blog and make a public spectacle of how badly the other side is behaving- you are not protecting survivors. Limiting exposure is a critical tool for those with PTSD. Stepping away from areas where we cannot prevent exposure to traumatic or triggering environments does not make us weak. It makes us strong. It makes us capable of making hard decisions and reflecting inward, and walking away from things that cause harm even when our inner child wants to feel drawn towards it and resolve it. These are not easy decisions. Right now, I want to stay away because of how everyone is acting, not just those on certain sides. The exposure to triggers is frankly beyond anything I could have ever imagined happening joining this fandom.

The spectacle is harmful for those that you are trying to protect. I beg you to consider this in the coming days as you decide what type of contributions you want to make to the Elriel community. At this point, I have so many people blocked, but it doesn't matter. I am still being exposed to how traumatizing this fandom is because the Elriel community will not stop. I promise you, starving harassers of the attention they so desperately want is the only thing that will have any meaningful impact to improve the environment. You are never going to understand each other or see things the same way. Please consider if re-blogging harmful takes just to prove a point is an act of protection, or an act of judgement and escalation.

If you are taking this opportunity to engage in a war of morality, and decide that the *other side* has behaved badly enough that they finally *deserve* to be harassed or insulted, you are not protecting survivors. I know it sucks. I know it's unfair. I know the high road is comprised of more steps. But the reality is, there are people with completely different moral codes opposing each other here. You will never be able to show another person why their deeply held beliefs are wrong. Some felt that protecting DV victims was a violation of their personal rights. We all understand how wrong that is. But instead of trying to turn this into a battle of whose behavior is worse, and who deserves what treatment, the best way to protect survivors is to say: I'm so sorry this is happening. I know how triggering this must be. Let me focus on making this a safe space for you. Invoking verbal abuse or escalating an aggressive conflict in our name does not help us. It only makes this space more unsafe. The simple act of, "I said this to you and I treated you badly because you acted badly first" is in of itself triggering behavior. If you look for reasons to treat someone you don't like or respect poorly, you will surely find them.

Please know that my only goal here is safety for all. It can be difficult to make everyone feel comfortable. I have long since realized that fandom life may not be for me, and have repeatedly left group chats, tiktok, and Instagram because I personally hate watching women rip each other to shreds every day when these books were a place of respite for me. So maybe I'm in the wrong. Maybe I don't *get* fandom culture, and if that's the case, I can gracefully step away or set new boundaries with myself about what I contribute and how involved I am regularly. No one is required to change their behavior because of me, or because of anyone. We are only in charge of ourselves. But this felt worth saying.

I truly hope that the goal of fostering a community that feels good to be a part of, even if it comes at the sacrifice of "fighting back," because no one is actually winning at anything here, is something that feels worthy of acknowledgment. I hope everyone can consider before typing, re-blogging, screenshotting, fighting, ect., pausing, reflecting and asking- does my behavior hurt or harm survivors? Am I making this space safer or more harmful for them? Is this a space I'd want to look at and make art for every day if I was trying to avoid landmines of watching how people treat each other? *If* protecting survivors and making things safer is your goal of course. That will not be the priority for everyone. But then please be honest with yourself about what you are trying to accomplish.

I always considered the Elriel space safe and joyful and a place largely not centered around bashing and negativity (though of course there are always exceptions, and I think venting is perfectly natural so long as it's not done with malicious intent to hurt others) but this situation made me realize that both sides are standing with loaded guns, just waiting for the opportunity for the other side to do something bad enough to trigger a war.

We are the collateral damage.

I hope that maybe this can move the Elriel community back in the direction of focusing on kindness, positivity, and excitement. If that is not the case, I hear you. Perhaps I'm the one that doesn't fit, and that's okay. But it felt worth trying.

[coffeenonsense]

I usually try to stay in my lane most of the time (mostly bc I am far too old for fandom drama) but what the hell, it's friday, let's put that lit degree to use:

the way people are playing morality politics with fiction is really starting to genuinely irk me and I think some of the responses to ascended astarion are a perfect example of why this type of thinking is actually hugely detrimental to one's ability to meaningfully engage with fiction and also to the future of art.

astarion is one of the most well-written complex characters I've seen in recent years bar none (and I'm clearly not alone given the explosion of his personal fandom lol) and he has a truly compelling, emotionally resonant character arc whether you ascend him or not

If you keep him a spawn, you get a deeply touching, realistic character's journey to healing and personal growth where he learns who he is after the experience of his trauma and depending on the player's choice, explores his relationship to sex, romance and intimacy

If you ascend astarion, you get an equally emotional and well-rounded character arc where he chooses the power that allows him to have the desperate freedom and safety he's wanted, but in the process eschews any hope of real healing or personal development, and again, depending on the player's choices, restarts the cycle of abuse by taking cazador's place.

These options offer vastly different paths for the character and experiences for the player, but while yes, ascended astarion is the evil ending, and yes, ascending astarion is a tragedy, and a fucking incredible one (not only do you have astarion reigniting a circle of abuse but you have the narrative weight of KNOWING he could have actually overcome his trauma...hats off to the bg3 team tbh) but that does not mean ascending astarion MAKES YOU AS THE PLAYER EVIL

Ascend astarion because you love tragic story arcs, ascend him because you want to indulge in a master/slave vampire fantasy, don't ascend him because you want a healing character journey, don't ascend him because you want a sweet romance; all of these choices carry the same moral weight for the player, which is to say, none, because they are an exploration of fiction.

I know I'm saying this to the villain fucker website but it bears repeating; just because someone wants to engage with evil, fucked up characters or content does not mean they support evil acts in their real life, and furthermore, exploring dark, taboo or tragic concepts safely is part of what fiction is for. It enables us to look at those things from a distance, work through difficult feelings and develop greater understanding of what makes our fellow humans tick — and before you get it twisted there's also no moral issue with exploring fucked up media bc you're horny or just, because. You can take it as seriously (or as sexily) as you want.

It's starting to really concern me how many people not only do not get, but are violently opposed to this concept, because equating what someone likes in fiction with their real life moral code and actions is an incredibly dangerous and let's be honest, immature way of thinking that not only stunts your ability to engage with fiction but ironically, hampers your ability to deal with complicated issues and emotions in real life.

I don't know what's driving this trend (though purity culture is certainly playing a role) but it's definitely something that's not just impacting individuals but contributing to the commercialization of art, where we get games and stories and tv shows and books that regurgitate the same safe, mass marketable plotlines and character archetypes over and over and over again so corporations can squeeze out as much profit as possible.

Anyway, remember kids: There's no such thing as thought crime, reaching for morally pure unproblematic media is directly contributing to the death of art, and this is why funding the humanities is important.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I feel like this conversation is a bit played out, but I’m curious: do you think JK’s banking on winning a Grammy and potentially getting out of his military service? I’ve tried to take their words for what they are and I know everyone’s said that they’re all going to the military, will be back in 2025, yadda yadda, whatever. I can’t understand why, if that’s the case, they’re banking so much on his solo career if he’s just going to disappear from the scene (physically) for almost 2 years. Do you get what I mean?

My thoughts are that they are actually hoping for a Grammy and subsequent deferment of mandatory service, but then again, nobody knows so I guess we’ll have to wait and see how it all plays out.

As this is only speculation and might as well not happen, let me bring my own contribution. I don't think this is about Jungkook and I'll explain why.

If you look at this entire issue from the perspective of the artist/idol, you'll realize soon that you're stuck, that you can't explain why he's doing this or that. But looking at it as a business deal will shine another light on it.

Yes, Jungkook is leaving to do his military service soon and everything he said up until now points to that so why are they investing so much into making him a "global pop star"? Because Hybe and Hybe America need to show that they can do that. That their strategy is one that works for future business. Why do you think they tried it first on the most versatile of the BTS members, the one that can do any song because he has the voice needed for that? This wouldn't have worked with Taehyung or Jimin. God, I'm so happy it didn't work with Jimin because it would have been horrible to see all that unfoulding. Besides, they had projects on their own and without making any contribution to the song writing, Tae's album was still something that matched his personality, it was him with the help of MHJ.

With Jungkook, the situation is different. I wouldn't know the details, but when they announced their hiatus, it looked like everyone was set on releasing an album, including JK. And then, most likely, life happened. Because you can't plan your state of mind. And when you're under a contract, you do need to listen to other people. I know army always uses the shares in Hybe argument, but the value allocated for the members is insignificant on a larger scale. Yes, they are rich and they can do what they want and sleep on a wlive, but I don't think for one second the company would have let Jungkook do nothing and be a couch potato.

So they found this opportunity. You also have to keep in mind that Hybe paid a lot of money for Scooter's company and then what happened to him? Most of his artists left? So where is this big opportunity for collaboration and projects and all that?

This is just business. That's it. They chose the idol capable of being a blank slate and stuck the concept of global pop star on him. Because that's what it is which is incredibly funny (not). Usually that accolade comes after some time, when the results can be seen over a prolonged period of time, but in this case, that was the starting point. As much as Bang wants to get rid of the k in kpop, they're still using a kpop strategy, that of making an album based on a concept or creating a specific image for an idol.

And now they are pushing it hard. They are investing a ton of money into this in a way that makes them look desperate and I think that in the industry at large, people see it. Not the fans because they either choose to turn a blind eye or their mind doesn't go that far. There are voices which have said a thing or two lately among army, but it's an insignificant minority. The company can rely on the fandom to buy all those 284836521 versions and remixes and they will eat it up. And voila, look at how Hybe produced a global pop star in less than half a year. Quick, open the catalog for some songs that sound mediocre enough for a top 40, make the singer record them asap, fast, done in less than one week. Quickly come up with some generic argument of how this is just to show the artist's vocal range (good job PR for that one, jesus) and then also openly admit that it was made for a Western market, aka US cause the world stops there.

Jungkook had the possibility to show more personality of his own when he was with a group of six other people than with his solo album, which is so ironic. But that is because it is not his album. He's merely a vessel through which Bang and Scooter can show investors that they can invent a global pop star and fast while their pockets grow bigger and bigger.

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Jim & Olu, Screentime Quality & Quantity Issues, and Fandom Engagement

It is kind of insane to me that post-Season-1 of OFMD, the tags for Jim Jimenez and Oluwande Boodhari were almost as strong as the ones for Stede and Ed. Like, scrolling back on tumblr, I'm hit by the sheer amount of content posted for them. The fanart. The gifs. The meta. The sheer anticipation of what might come next for them.

(Now, this might just be because I first started looking at the fandom a year in, but I did my best to look at time stamps and how far things were spread out over time for them.)

Now, only a month and a half out from the finale...that flood has dried up to a trickle, if that. There is very little Jim/Olu content, or (more interesting in my own opinion, at least), very little content of them individually. There was plenty when the season was airing, but now? Not so much.

This is not to say that there is no content at all- I am an absolute fan of the fanfic writers, artists, meta-makers, and gifmakers who still contribute to the tag. The QUALITY is still great! It's the QUANTITY that fascinates me.

Because I think it comes back to both the lack of payoff for the rich character writing for these two post-Season 1 AND the butchering of what they did get.

If you read my past metas for these two characters, you'll find my critique of the fact that late-season Jim doesn't feel like Jim at all, and that Olu throughout ALL OF SEASON TWO doesn't feel like Olu, but rather like the writers dumbed him down into the "himbo" role on the show just to have the badass woman x himbo dynamic with him and Zheng Yi Sao (and I am an admitted lover of said dynamic, but not when you strip one of the few emotionally intelligent, clever, logical characters on the show of his intellect and jam him into the role rather than, idk, choosing one of the actual himbos on the show and putting him into that role...wait a second. The writers already HAD the himbo x badass dynamic with Spanish Jackie and the Stede. Is that literally the only way they could figure out how to write a F/M dynamic this season?).

Also, if you pull out all of the Jim/Olu pre-reunion build up (I see you, deleted scene in the Republic of Pirates where Pete and Olu get to pine after Lucius & Jim and talk about how desperate they are to get back to them), have their reunion be rather anticlimatic, and then don't let them have any real kissing/hugging/even emotional intimacy for the rest of the season...I can see why the tag has gotten to the point it has.

A cursory glance at the Blackbonnet/Gentlebeard tags shows that at least half of the tag is just writing fix-it fics for the season, but they are at least ENGAGING with canon because they were given a lot of material (some might argue too much material, as their screentime was often VERY overbalanced as opposed to the rest, and contrary to what some believe, Season 1 WAS an ensemble show, not just the Stede/Ed show) to work with and sort through. Jim and Olu were not given that in Season 2, and thus the amount of material that those in the tag got to pick through and use was either miniscule or felt OOC in nature. So the investment in the characters and ship has rather gone down, which is sad, because post Season 1 these two had my FAVORITE dynamic on the show.

What is the point of this meta? Idk, it's just a thing I've noticed and that has fascinated me. Watching this fandom from both inside and outside has led to noticing some rather interesting patterns/responses to writing that I thought someone else might be interested in.

[bonefall]

Obviously nobody should be talking poorly about any of Bumble's competitors but it's insane how people voting for Alex are going 'its a CAT'. Like, okay and? Alex Dewitt is ink on paper and we rightfully take issue with her writing to the point of making it a term, so why is it any different when a fictional cat has misogynistic writing? And these are cats with a society, laws, religion, and understanding of (herbal) medicine. They are on par with people. And, it's a YA series. Shouldn't people take the message "fat, abused women dying isn't a problem because they can't contribute ackshually, and if we acknowledge it is how can the goodboy main character stop licking his brother's kitty boots if he's a bad person :(" as a red flag in any series? Let alone one for kids? Like, did everyone outside of the fandom miss the Ashfur defense? Because I was there for it and it was pretty clear a LOT of impressionable children genuinely believed the "he only loved too much" excuse hook line and sinker, and blamed Squirrelflight for everything. There were so many fans genuinely believing that I literally remember seeing hate art and fanfics portraying Squirrelflight as a horrible person just for asking to stay friends. That alone was a testament to how harmful Warriors can be, all because of that one scene of Ashfur being spotted in StarClan.

And with that fiasco in mind, how can anyone trivialize it to Bumble being 'just a cat'? Especially when kids are reading this, and could really take the harmful message Gray Wing the """Wise""" has for them that if you have nothing to contribute to the people you desperately need help from, you are stupid for trying to ask for it. I was lucky to not take any of the really harmful portrayals relationships in Warriors to heart, but not everyone will be. People should support Alex all they want, she deserves it! But downplaying what happened to Bumble because she's a cat is harmful :(

Alex DeWitt's story is so shocking and straightforward that you're able to sum it up with a single word; "Fridging." It's become the touchstone for a wider discussion about misogyny in media because it is so evocative and so easy to explain as an example.

That IS important. That IS a legacy.

But somehow, if you try to explain how EARLY misogyny in media starts, and how pervasive it is even in "less respectable" mediums like YA xenofiction, they lose their fucking minds. People who refuse to read anything at all going, "what could possibly have happened to a cat?"

You know what, though? I'm GLAD Bumble is winning, and I'm proud of this fandom and our campaigning. I think we actually deserve to be a little smug about this after all the damn "justa cat" comments. Bumble doesn't HAVE a legacy. The book doesn't VALUE HER LIFE AT ALL! "It's so sad Clear Sky is going to have his reputation ruined for killing this useless woman. I never liked Bumble anyway, what matters about this is my poor brother :("

The runner of the Canon Misogyny Tournament mentioned in passing how they kinda take issue with the idea of quantifying misogyny based on suffering because of how it oversimplifies the insidious ways it can express in a narrative, and I've thought a lot about that a lot. They're right.

And Alex is THE posterchild of this because her death is ghoulish. We needed what happened to her as a simple, evocative term, to advance the conversation around media misogyny and get it through people's skulls. But, she has become the conclusion of a sentiment that the more gruesome the death is, the more misogynist that makes it.

but. The fridge was not the misogynistic part of what happened to Alex. THE FACT SHE WAS ONLY INVENTED TO DIE FOR THE PAIN OF A MAN IS. THAT is what the term "fridging" is supposed to point out; The absolute LACK of interest in her as a 3-dimensional character, in women as people, to the point where the writer chose to send Alex out in a gorey, disrespectful way solely as a motivator for her boyfriend. THAT is the bad part.

But instead people have latched onto the fridge half. More violent = more misogyny.

There's a lot of ways for a narrative to be misogynist, though. To downplay the lives, emotions, or contributions of women characters, and to reinforce real-world bigotry.

Warrior Cats does a LOT of this, blaming bad mothers who didn't shut up and accept their 'purpose in life' for Brokenstar's tyranny, making it a TRAGIC thing that Clear Sky is being held accountable for murdering women because his man pain makes it ok, and even blaming Squirrelflight for rejecting Ashfur's advances which caused him to go "crazy" and attempt to murder her children (until, of course, the welcomed retcon of TBC).

Bumble's death, because she is a fat woman, is treated as unavoidable. It's not a terrible thing she died, Gray Wing never really liked her anyway, what REALLY "matters" is that now no one likes her murderer.

She was stupid and selfish to even ask for help, because she is so fat and weak. To be upset at all that her only friend watched her get dragged back to her abuser. Even as she bleeds out, she gets to listen to Turtle Tail making up excuses and wishing she "could have found happiness."

All while Tom the Wifebeater, the fat man who physically assaulted two women, gets a big cutesy redemption death and honored and beloved by everyone and even gets to "lose weight and that's so good :)". Because the books value the lives of men more than the lives of women, plain and simple.

Bumble wasn't just fridged. It's worse than that. Her life doesn't even have enough value to get Clear Sky held accountable for murdering her, because beloved writer favorite Gray Wing hated her for being friends with his wife and doesn't want anyone to hate his poor, innocent big brother :(

Like you said, you can ask anyone in this fandom and they'll tell you about the impressionable kid they were, or have MET, who was badly influenced by the constant misogyny of these books. People who defend Bramblestar tooth and nail as he abuses his wife, the screeds against both Leafpool and Nightcloud for making Crowfeather sad, and the absolutely radioactive Ashfur Defenders who have thankfully died down since TBC's welcome retcons.

It doesn't just end with annoying internet comments. Those kids carry that kind of message with them. It reinforces existing biases and causes them to downplay abused women and toxic men in their real lives.

But sure, "just a cat." Cool way to downplay the 20-year-old bestselling YA fantasy series that is still ongoing but ok. 50000 Bumblesweeps upon ye.

(though i do also have to say, since I started speaking more about it today, I'm seeing more non-wc fans push back against the 'just a cat' comments. Sincerely, thanks guys. It's not every DC fan or Alex voter, just a very vocal section of sore losers willing to downplay misogyny because they're angry.)

[the-dream-team]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! ❤️

Omg hello Fel, my dear <3 I was actually just rereading some of my old stuff to help get through some writers block with new stuff (originals! not fanfic!), so perfect timing!

Large Heart, Tiny Photographs

My love letter to all the side characters who contributed photos to Hagrid's album he gifted to Harry in Sorcerer's Stone :') All my favorite lines I've ever written are in these vignettes. Molly and Remus's chapters are especially dear to me and I'm just very proud with how this fic turned out! It's depressing as shit... You're going to suffer, but you're going to be happy about it! Y'know the vibes

2. Meggi’s Magical Ice Cream

I wrote this one-shot as a way to basically vent about my own ice cream shop job in college that I hated with a fiery passion! This is the only fic in which I've fully written Lily as a self-insert. She is me. I am her. This fic is my diary. The only difference between us is the blossoming romance with the sandwich shop boy (I already had my own sandwich shop boy at home, thank you very much!!)

3. Snowflakes

At 12 years old, tweenage Dylan went on a family ski trip and her already fanfic-riddled brain said "jily should be here." And thus, Snowflakes was born. This is my baby. It's completely absurd and plagued by awful 2000s tropes, but I love it dearly. In a desperate attempt to remain canon-compliant, I ended it with a crazy plot twist that bothered me so much it forced me to return to fandom almost a decade later to write a sequel, and without that, I wouldn't have started writing again! Or met many dear friends! So thanks baby Dylan!

4. Who Knows Who Cares

After reading Beach Read by Emily Henry for the first time, I decided to try my hand at proper contemp romcom banter, but leaning more YA. As someone whose adolescence was often haunted by her repressed bisexuality, I wanted to write a story about acceptance and I think it turned out well! I enjoy rereading it, at least hahaha and the readers who reach out to let me know they feel seen by Lily's story make me so grateful <3

5. What I Would Do

HAD TO INCLUDE SOME FEM!JILY FOR YOU, FEL!! Some people think that WKWC was influenced by my own experiences, but in reality I put way more of myself in this little two-shot! It's cute and fluffy and features a much more pleasant side of ice cream than MMIC does lol Also, Fem!Jily February was the first time I participated in a fandom event of any kind and it was so magical and there were so many wonderful fics that year, I could cry just thinking back on it now :')

[alagaesia-headcanons]

There's something inherently ugly about how you ship Murtagh with Orrin. It's one thing to not like the main ship for a beloved character as set up by the author - valid - but it's another to push half of said ship away to force in your fave pasty white boy. You can write meta after meta after meta all you want about how poor Orrin is done dirty, or how that meanie Nasuada hurt him, or how the books don't put your fave background character on a pedestal, but all your writing amounts to is the fact that you've imprinted on Orrin and are now using him as a vessel for your original character. In your writing, he's not a character from the series anymore - he's your OC wearing Orrin's face and bearing Orrin's name. Which, it isn't bad to expand upon a sidelines character. But it's the way you turn around and spew how fandom fave Murtagh is in love with your OC that really shows the truth and the rot festering in you. You can cry and bemoan the romantic love Paolini has written between Murtagh and Nasuada, but your essay won't amount to jack shit if you're just going to turn around and replace Nasuada with your OC and suddenly sing it's praise.

Before you start decrying all of this, ask yourself: why are you so desperate to discredit canon's romance? It's one thing to think they should both remain single after the trauma they experienced throughout the series - fair take. But then why are you so eager to prop up your own ship? Is "Orrin" inherently more worthy of of Murtagh's love? Or is Nasuada simply not worthy, but instead in the way, in your eyes? You can wish all you want for people to love your writing, but that doesn't hide the rotten foundation of your ship: sidelining Nasuada to uplift your white fave and wanting him to have all that she does. No amount of rambling meta about how they're a "good ship" and they would work will ever cover up your inherent biases and -ism's that your poor sad white boy's ship is built upon.

For the love of god.

Anon, let me just say this to you directly- block me. It's that easy. Sending something like this instead is an embarrassment. But since you've already said your piece, I'll go ahead and say mine.

Let me first bring up what you oddly wouldn't directly accuse me of (maybe even you knew what a blatant straw man it is), that being racism. I'm not going to make light of this. Racism in fandom is a real issue, and separating a ship with a character of color to ship white characters can be a symptom of that. I have never turned a blind eye to this and I make a continual effort to remain conscious of it because it's incredibly important to me that I'm not contributing to this kind of prejudice in fandom.

This pairing started years ago when I thought of a crack ship polycule with all three of them. Over time as I considered that, the idea of shipping Murtagh and Orrin developed into a distinct concept which I found more intriguing than shipping Murtagh and Nasuada. At that point, I made an active decision to examine my interest and determine if it was grounded in the way canon presents the individual qualities and dynamics of these specific characters, independent of the broad groups any of them fall into, or if it lacked any such basis in canon and only stemmed from an unconscious bias of mine. And if I didn't find any substantial elements of canon that supported the idea, I intended to put it away and work through my bias.

So I looked, and I found I could fully explain the reasons the ship appealed to me through the details in the books. I never made some public announcement about taking this issue into full consideration because it shouldn't be performative. Holding myself accountable is a basic personal responsibility which I take seriously, not something to make me look better. But it’s always felt meaningful to simply convey that I care about putting thought and reason into my ideas and my preference for my ship isn’t baseless. I’ve done that, but it seems I should be more direct here.

So let me lay out my thought process. Why am I not interested in shipping Murtagh and Nasuada? The things that deter me personally are both emotional and logistical issues. The major emotional issue to me is how disparate their priorities are. Murtagh prioritizes protecting loved ones, which causes issues when he accepts and complies with awful acts while trying to defend them. Nasuada prioritizes the good of her cause, which causes issues when she dismisses another person’s wellbeing when it’s in the way of her goals. Murtagh’s character arc is about learning the best thing he can do for his loved ones might be accepting their willingness to make sacrifices, suggesting he becomes aware of his issue and would try to correct that going forward. However, Nasuada still doesn’t seem aware of her issue after the war, given her policy about magicians and her minimal concern for Roran, so that still presents an underlying problem that would badly exacerbate their serious trauma until it’s addressed.

None of that is a moral judgment on anything. Both of them could cause any number of other issues; it’s just stating where they stand. And I still think they could be written in a way that stays true to their characters while working through those issues so that they stay together. I think it’d be exceptionally challenging, and it still might not be to my own taste, but it has that potential. But there are also logistical issues. Nasuada is queen in Uru’baen. I genuinely feel like this is so meaningful to her character, a very fitting culmination of her aspirations, and if she were to take substantial spans away from her throne, it would be a disservice to how she was written. That said, with the way I characterize Murtagh, I really don’t feel that he would want to openly settle in a place defined by politics and power struggles. I feel like it would be very unfulfilling for him and Thorn, especially in the city of his tumultuous childhood and their tortuous enslavement. So given the dissatisfaction if Nasuada left the rule she wants and deserves and the discontent of Murtagh living in Uru’baen, I struggle to imagine them as more than a distant, intermittent relation.

So that’s why I personally don’t enjoy shipping them. Of course, it’s subjective, but I feel like it’s also fair, and you seem to suggest that you do too. So let’s move on. So now the question is if a potential relationship with Orrin would present the same or equivalent issues that I overlook just because he's a white man.

Naturally, this is subjective too, but I say no. Of course there are still possible emotional issues between them (if there were none it’d be boring), but they’re different. Given the way specific way Orrin grieves for his friends and struggles to have faith in their cause when he sees the risk of his people being killed, I believe he is also more focused on looking after individuals than pursuing a cause. I feel like that lays a smoother groundwork with Murtagh, who has been hurt by people who dismissed his wellbeing, and that reduces a lot of underlying pain between them. Orrin’s other struggles, like defeatism, fear, and hopelessness, as well as yearning for recognition and autonomy, align with Murtagh’s experience more in a way that makes their emotional issues more interesting to engage with.

With logistical issues, obviously Orrin is also a king. But I don’t find that presents the same issues either. I interpret that Orrin didn’t want to be king and isn’t content in that role. When the matter of Murtagh’s desire to avoid being openly tied to Surda’s seat of power arises, I find a much more interesting and balanced potential story where Orrin also hopes to leave his crown and they support each other in their search for a home that they can both make their own. The discrepancies I personally find so bothersome between Murtagh and Nasuada don’t come up with Murtagh and Orrin, so I enjoy their ship more. It’s just about my interpretation of compatibility. That is the crux of my thought process. No one has to agree with it, but I believe it stands as a fair assessment.

You insist that I ask myself why I prefer one ship over another. I've done that. I've already been doing that the entire time and will continue to do so. You keep whining that I make a lot of meta analysis about aspects of the characters and how I feel like they would or wouldn't mesh together, and yeah. That's the whole fucking point. In the same way I just did, those posts explore and articulate the concrete reasons one ship appeals to me and one doesn't. For years I've diligently asked myself why I'm drawn to Murtagh/Orrin more than Murtagh/Nasuada and I'm fully secure and confident in my answer that it's the emotional and narrative possibilities they have that appeal to me more. If I was given all the details of these characters, stripped of any names, descriptions, genders, ect. I know I would still really love this ship.

And that's not even to say that it's somehow "better" (it's just different in a way that suits my taste), or that Murtagh and Nasuada's relationship must be meaningless or non-existent if it's not romantic. In my story where I ship him and Orrin, he and Nasuada go through struggles, but as they grow, they're able to reconcile and learn to better support each other and their relationship ends in a much better place.

(Also, if you're talking about my “essay” that Murtagh's true name doesn't change because he fell for Nasuada, that's irrelevant to shipping them. The series could end with them getting married and they could be my all time otp, and it'd still be true that falling in love didn't change his true name. It's just a separate part of his character arc.)

For another thing, Murtagh and Nasuada are NOT a canon ship, and that does matter. For example, it has very different implications to change an interracial ship that is happily married in canon. In the IC, it is canon that they're attracted to each other, but nothing beyond that. (And I've never even discredited that! In fact, I've said their attraction is well written and in character. It's included in my story; I didn't overwrite it.) They're never in a relationship and there's no set up that implies romance is inevitable for their stories. You yourself acknowledge that there are very valid reasons to interpret that a romantic relationship wouldn't work between them!!! So if it's fine to not ship Murtagh and Nasuada as a couple, why is it suddenly heinous to imagine Murtagh with someone else?

It’s not. Your claims are far more baseless and distasteful. Why do you act like Nasuada couldn’t possibly be respected or worthy without Murtagh’s affection? Why do you act like pointing out her mistakes condemns her entirely, as if she’s not allowed to have any flaws? Why do you think a relationship with Murtagh is equivalent to all that Nasuada has? I won’t make your kind of moral accusations about a stranger, but I will simply say that I find that very objectionable. I love Nasuada for being such a unique, flawed, and fascinating character who is so much more than all that. And if you made such a volatile, deplorable, inappropriate response simply to the idea that Murtagh- a fictional character- could love someone else, you might need to take a step back. You’re being cruel.

(Also, I don’t feel like going through the whole “u just made orrin into an oc” shit tbh. This is long enough. I take care to draw my characterization from canon, but y’all can read my stuff and decide for yourself if you’d like. Although, saying I imprinted on him is the funniest part of this ludicrous message. You know what, yeah. I’ve tricked you all. You thought this blog was being run by a human being? WRONG. Baby duckling.)

[rmd-writes]

Hi!! I always love what you write, so I'm very excited to see whatever this secret project is! But for now I do have a question about beta reading. How did you break into it? For a long time I have thought that I would enjoy doing that for different people, and I like that kind of fine-tooth comb editing work. But I am not a writer myself, just an avid fic enjoyer, so it feels like I can't quite bring as much to the table or meet other authors in a mutual kind of way. And I would never want to imply that an author needed that extra help or anything like that by just cold reaching out to them. Sorry that so much about me haha, I'm not necessarily looking for any advice (though if you had any I would certainly take it) but I am curious about how you got into it and what your experience has been like! Thank you!!

Hi nonnie! Thanks for the ask!

Can I just say to start with, that as an avid fic enjoyer, you absolutely can meet writers and other creators in a mutual way! Everyone has a place in fandom and something to contribute. It would be a very lonely world for creators if people weren't there to enjoy what we make (and hopefully tell us what they're liking those things). Personally, I appreciate readers so much and I especially love seeing regular names pop up in my inbox 💖💖

As for how I got into beta reading, it started back when a pal in Schitt's Creek fandom was writing a fic and worried that she was going to lose motivation to write it so I offered to sit in the doc and cheer her on. Please note that my motivation for doing so was entirely selfish because it meant that I had early access to the fic that I desperately wanted her to keep writing 😅 that eventually turned into me beta reading that fic (and all of her fics after that) for her.

I started beta reading more frequently in RWRB - I'd signed up as a beta reader for an event, but around the same time I also got to know other writers via a discord server. Sometimes people would ask for beta readers and I'd volunteer - I'm still a tiny bit dirty that @three-drink-amy snagged the beta rights to bleedingballroomfloor's baseball boyfriends fic right out from under my nose even though she is far better qualified than I to beta read a baseball fic - so much so that she helped me with the baseball scenes in my rwrb lawyer au lol (please know that I love them both dearly, there is no internet beef here).

You say that you don't want to reach out to writers and imply that they need assistance, but honestly, sliding into people's DMs and letting them know that either I'm very interested in X fic that they're writing and would they like someone to beta read it or that I'm available in general to help if they want it because I love their writing is how I've ended up beta reading for almost all of the writers I do that for!! People are generally just thankful to know that someone is interested in their writing! It can be a lonely hobby sometimes and having someone to live in your docs or send snippets to can help balance the need for wanting to talk about your fics with someone or bounce ideas off someone and wanting to keep what you're working on under wraps.

God, this is getting really long, I'm so sorry. I've been rambling and I'm not even sure that I answered your question.

You asked what my experience has been like and for the most part, it's been very positive! I get early access to fics (I often say that my favourite way to read a fic is in google docs 😂), I get to cheer my friends on and sometimes they even trust me enough to let me throw ideas at them and write them into their stories - sometimes I even get to do this without actually doing any editing and that's just as fun. I love beta reading, I think there's something really special about being trusted with the draft of someone's writing and getting to help make it the best that it can be (what that involves looks different for every writer I work with). 💖

And all of that doesn't even touch on how much I learn from the writers I've worked with - it's definitely helped me improve my own writing!

[veralynna-blog]

My contribution to Durgetash

I figured since I think I can only post any fanfic I'm working on from any fandom only when its completed I might as well post a drabble so I don't go insane and maybe get some feedback. I'm not really sure where this lies in my timeline but definitely pre-amnesia. My canon Durge is Bellece and Enver is so down bad for this girl.

Tagged as mature because it is sex but not really graphic.

She imagined he would look similar when she finally had him on her Father’s altar. Sprawled out onto his back, head draped over the edge as she leaned over top him, dipping her fingers in his blood. A violent shudder ran through her as his fingers curled upward, touching some part of her that shouldn’t exist. This was too intimate. She pressed her heel into his shoulder, pushing him away. He was nearly breathless and begged to continue, asked why she had stopped him. She didn’t say it aloud, but she knew she didn’t deserve it. She may as well have been rotting from the inside, and yet he said she tasted sweet. Liar. More kind lies from the little tyrant’s mouth that he spewed to every noble, any patriar he needed to manipulate with his honeyed words alone. She was not like them. He could whore himself out as much as he liked but she would not be victim to it, and she found herself offended that he seemed to think her naive enough to fall for his same tricks. 

“Is there a point to any of this?”

“What do you mean?” His eyes were still hazy with lust, completely unguarded. It almost made her sick. 

“What do you possibly gain from embarrassing us both with this display?” She raised herself onto her arms, finally meeting his eyes. 

He was silent for a moment, his eyes searching hers for perhaps a sign that she was saying this in jest. “Do you find me inadequate?” A playful smile exposed his canine. “I’ve only just started… I assure you, if you allowed me to—”

She dug her heel deeper in his shoulder until he winced. “What do you gain from touching me?”

He slowly rose from the floor, repositioning her knee over his shoulder as he leaned over her, his wide body blocking the moonlight streaming in from the balcony window. “Nothing nefarious.” His breath ghosted over her lips. “I was surprised when you first appeared before me. The God of Murder should have a daughter that fits the rest of his bloody following, it’s what anyone would expect. Your skin does not match your blood, Bellece.”

She glared into the shadows obscuring his face. “My Father does not make mistakes, little tyrant.” 

“Of course not. Your Father laid the perfect trap when he made you so beautiful. It is a shame you can’t see it. That you can’t see what I see.”

Her traitorous tongue moved on its own. “What do you see?”

“My ruin.” He laid a kiss against her collarbone and she let him. 

“Is that all?” She scoffed. 

“I see you fix your hair behind your pointed ear and imagine you repeating the same motion before taking my cock between your lips.”

Her face grew unbearably hot. “Enver!” She scolded, alarmed as heat shot back down to her core.

A smile spread across his lips and he leaned into her neck, biting her flesh. “My name. Say it again.”

“No.” She tried not to mewl as he dipped his fingers back inside her, the softness of his touch mixing beautifully with the sharpness of his bite. She wasn’t meant to feel this, her Father created her to destroy, she shouldn’t— Bellece couldn’t control the volume of her voice as Enver moved his fingers faster and faster, the feeling inside her climbing higher and higher until it burned too hot. A desperate plea to her Father tumbled past her lips as she came, and it wasn’t until she opened her eyes that she realized that she’d fallen onto her back and her fingers were desperately clinging onto Enver’s coat. She wanted to recoil, to push Bane’s Chosen off of her, but froze when a dark chuckle rumbled against her throat. 

[fiddlepickdouglas]

This post is for the people who desperately wish they had the ravenous hunger for fanfiction like everyone else. Who have lists of saved and bookmarked fics for concepts that genuinely interest them but for some reason cannot get the motivation to read past the summary. This post is for people who want to support all their friends' writing but the difficulty of getting started doesn't let them. To the few who have made genuine attempts to give heartfelt commentary and feedback when they have managed to get through a chapter or two (or a paragraph or two if that's all that was read).

Reading for pleasure isn't as simple a thing just like writing for pleasure isn't. I have literally scheduled time in my calendar to read a specific fic, knowing I would have that freedom. I don't know what keeps me from getting started aside from generic mental illness symptoms. I wish I could join the fun. My mind is the thing gatekeeping me from appreciating the talents of so many and I'm all too aware of it and it's incredibly frustrating. I feel so alone in this struggle, especially since I also write and love when people find my work. (And yes, I have a lot of difficulty reading through my own work. There's a lot of unfinished wips and half-planned ideas due to this.)

I love being able to contribute to my fandoms in other ways, but having to struggle just to read through a story no matter how engaging and well-written it is, has weighed on me for years.

[saintsenara]

kingsley is such an underrated character in fandom! showing some much deserved love by contributing to the kingsley ship asks:

kingsley/harry

kingsley/ginny

kingsley/scrimgeour

kingsley/rita

and for some flavour: kingsley/vernon (whose crush on the man at the beginning of deathly hallows absolutely kills me). the beginnings of a vernon redemption arc? or the catharsis of watching kingsley pull-off a flawless romance scam, and then join mrs. zabini on the french riviera with that sweet grunnings/life insurance coin?

so true, pal - and i'm delighted that kingsley is finally starting to be recognised for the absolute babe he canonically is.

harry potter/kingsley shacklebolt

answered here - i think it would work and i stand by it.

kingsley shacklebolt/ginny weasley

yeah go on.

i'll back this for the same reasons that i back pairing harry and kingsley - that the adult ginny would respect that kingsley is a laugh and that he'd been so nice to sirius, and that kingsley would respect that ginny is a bit bolshy.

rufus scrimgeour/kingsley shacklebolt

i love that scrimgeour is so intensely sus about kingsley and tonks in order of the phoenix - and that he must, therefore, be aware that kingsley's "sirius is in tibet" scheme is a scam but find himself unable to prove it...

and so some endless late-night interrogations about what kingsley's up to? a hot premise.

kingsley shacklebolt/rita skeeter

rita is guaranteed to hold this political view:

and to, therefore, be extremely fond of producing puff-pieces about kingsley as minister, in which she credits the arrest and imprisonment of dolores umbridge for crimes against humanity to his sexy bald head.

is kingsley particularly into it? no. but he's a canny politician and therefore realises that it doesn't hurt his poll numbers - even if it hurts his pride - to let rita stroke his... ego.

vernon dursley/kingsley shacklebolt

vernon being canonically ready to risk it all for kingsley - literally because he looks great in a suit - always absolutely sends me. i think harry's wrong that the earring would put him off - he'd think it looked sexy and devil-may-care.

and you have no idea how much i now desperately need that second fic.

[ammwriting]

Bad Habits

Part 3

Angel Torres x Jupes Assistant!Reader

Requested? Absolutely not.

A/N: Thank you all for the support on this series, it seriously means the most to me. I've alway wanted to contribute to a fandom or a community in some way so I'm glad you guys are enjoying it. I've been going through a lot in my personal life (dumb I know) so I appreciate everyone's patience with this follow up!

I didn't even realize the Haywood's had stopped walking with us, I was more worried about finally questioning this guy now that we were alone for the first time in the last week on the status of our "relationship". I'll admit that was even putting it out there a bit, but I don't think strangers/mutual acquaintances would be sharing a bed the way we were at this point.

"So do you have a girlfriend?"

I'm so fucking stupid. I've only been sharing a bed with him for a week and I'm going to ask that now? If I were lucky I could just blame it on...unfortunate recent developments, i.e. an assumed alien eating my boss, which I think would be a reasonable excuse in this case.

"Um...no. I mean I did! But she broke up with me. She booked a pilot on the CW and dumped me after four years. I mean it's fine. She was a model and actress, Rebecc-"

"What the fuck? You can't just drop that you just broke up with your model-slash-actress girlfriend of four fucking years dude! We slept in the same bed!"

It only took me halfway through his statement to realize he wasn't really over it, and it was my own fault for asking honestly, but still...did he like me? Does this shit even matter at this point? Well in that case, fair enough. Maybe it's just me, but he could've said something before we started sharing joints and, I don't know, beds?

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you...but you could have mentioned at any point before this one that you just broke up with a girlfriend of four years...who has since gone on to be an actress and model...for the C-fucking-W"

I was trying to be sympathetic I mean who wants to get dumped over some shit like that?

"...the CW fucking sucks."

I looked up and he was looking at me after he said it. Not talking directly to or glancing over at me.

Looking.

How long had it been since someone talked to me? Apparently a long fucking time since I started tearing up over it, but really was it so hard to look at someone and say something nice? Was it nice or am I desperate? Probably both but luckily for him I was willing to risk it all for just that statement.

________________________L O A D I N G__________________________

Getting back to the Haywood's Ranch was the worst decision I think I've ever made in my current life, like, who's idea was it? Well obviously it was the Haywood's since OJ was ready to catch this thing on camera if it was the last thing he did.

At this point it just might be.

When we made it back we saw the filmography extraordinaire himself, Antlers, standing there. He was looking at the "cloud" over on the edge of the farm when we walked up before he mentioned it hadn't moved in hours. Why was he staring at it for hours? Who knows it's probably a film thing, but he did have a vibe about him that just screamed "Whatever it takes to get the shot" and I could feel it.

We had a meeting where we picked...monopoly pieces. That's right! God damn monopoly pieces to represent our part in this get rich or die trying scheme. Obviously I chose the battleship and informed them I'd be with Em watching the cameras until they went out and we'd eventually make a break for the house ideally.

We had one night before shit went off and I intended to make everything as clear as I could before we potentially died tomorrow.

We saw ourselves out to a sitting room in the Haywoods house,

"So if I said when all this shit is over, when "Jean Jacket" is dead, and we have our picture...we're going on a date right? I would say I don't want to assume, but to be honest I don't think I can sleep or exist without you nearby and hopefully it's vice versa?"

That was a lot...based on the way he was staring at me, and he wasn't saying anything. Fuck. Fuck I totally jumped the gun on this, who says that?

"Is this rejection? Are you turning me down? Oh my god, this is embarrassing, I totally thought we were on the same page. Why didn't you say anything? Dude I thought this was a trauma bond for life and it's not-"

"No! No, oh my god no! I just wasn't expecting you to bring it up, but I shouldn't be surprised because of how we've been going so far honestly." He pauses and looks at me. "You've been very forward I mean-"

"I know what you mean" I deadpan back.

"...I might be able to get the time off for a date, but it might just be Denny's or something. If that's cool...with you...?"

I looked back at him after being so fucking embarrassed about being almost brushed off by the cutest loser I'd ever met thus far, but I saw nothing but sincerity to the point it was almost insecurity. That definitely made me feel better about asking in the first place that he was just as nervous as me.

"Yeah. I'd like that. Let's survive this fucking cosmic horror tomorrow...and maybe we can even spend the night again."

________________________L O A D I N G__________________________

The whole function went to complete shit not even one full hour after it'd commenced. I didn't even think it was possible for something to go so wrong after it'd just started honestly.

Antlers and Angel were up on a small hill a small distance away, in sight but definitely out of range should anything go wrong while me and Em were in the house setting up speakers while she chose something to play for...hype? Motivation? I'm not too sure but I'm not saying anything to my only company and the one person who's holding me down right now cause I was about to piss myself.

I had given Angel a brief goodbye after our agreement the night before. If we both live, then we'll leave here together. If.

I'll be honest I don't remember much after me and Em went to the shack to check the cameras. I remember the douche on the motorcycle showing up, yelling at him to get lost with his weird chrome helmet? Him completely ignoring me and riding out to play investigator, crashing, and getting fucking eaten by JJ.

I remember watching Antlers die for the perfect shot.

I remember beginning to watch JJ come back for Him, Angel, before looking away because I couldn't take it if she grabbed him.

Finally I remember running back to the shack to look at the cameras, at OJ, the guy who saved me that night after I'd lost what I deemed everything. My job, my boss, and my future within a few hours. Then the roof was ripped away, Em and I carried up with it.

Then she dropped us.

When I woke up I was face down on the dirt, my left leg not responding to my drive to stand up and the sun setting in the distance. JJ was in her full form. A fucking nightmare. That's what this all was, one big fucking nightmare.

I could see what looked like...the Jupe balloon? Kid Sheriff? Floating towards her before it "looked" at her and she...swallowed it? I don't know...I don't know what's happening.

Then there he was. My Angel. Sat down in the dirt almost like he was waiting for me. wrapped in a blue tarp I recognized as the one he Antlers were under what felt like years ago, but in reality was only a few hours ago.

I limped for a few feet before I fell and started crawling towards him before he noticed and started limping towards me on the ground. I hadn't even realized I started crying and it was slowly turning into sobbing. I rolled on my back looking at the sky as the sun disappeared behind the hills and was just heaving as I sobbed.

He made it to me and threw himself on the ground before he finished crawling to me, picking my head up and cradling it in his hands. I could see him through my tears just barely, trying to control my breathing enough to focus on him.

"It's over? It's done? Please tell me...-"

"It's done! We're okay! They did it, we're okay!" he kept saying while trying to push may hair and tears away. I don't know if OJ was okay. Or if Em was okay. Antlers was dead and almost took my Angel with him.

I was alive. I did next to nothing, but I'm alive and my Angel and I were free.

[esssteee]

Thanks for the tag @yletylyf <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 13

2. What's your total A03 words count? 351,919

3. What fandoms do you write for? grishaverse and castlevania. i'm still a baby writer, having started actively contributing to fandom works not quite 2 years ago.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we are the wild youth chasing visions of the future (gv, aleksander/alina), young liars (gv, aleksander/nikolai), with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai), winding and unwinding (gv, aleksander/nikolai), i will eat you alive (gv, aleksander/nikolai)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yep, almost all! if i receive several in a row, chapter after chapter and by the same person, than i will more likely just respond to the last one, but i do like giving an answer to any feedback and show of love i get!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

um, good question. i don't think I've written a true angsty ending. i have several open/ambiguous endings, but the ending for me and the devil (gv, aleksander/alina) is the most ambiguous of the bunch just because it can be interpreted as alina just going stir-crazy from being alone and forgotten for so long and imagining aleksander by her side and staying with her, so it can be angsty if you take it that way.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) cause they end up pseudo married and ruling together (yay!)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! too small a fandom writer for that and i'm ever thankful for it!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

me? smut??? XD just look at the rating for each fic and the associated tags, i guess i do love developping characters through the very intimate act of them falling in bed together. no real kinky sex or anything, but there's often lots of hidden (and not so hidden) feelings behind the act. most smut i've written can be considered rough and/or passionate, since there's a kind of desperation born out of the characters thinking they only have that one single time to be with the other so they're giving their all. i do love exploring the vulnerabilities that come from that for sure!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no i haven't. it's never really been my fav thing, but if done well, it'd read one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so, not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i had someone asking to translate one, yes.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

that i've written? aleksander/nikolai in gv for sure, aleksander/alina a close second. but as a reader, i just love love love the perfect OT3 that is alucard/trevor/sypha from castlevania (if you haven't read baba by crownofpins, GO READ IT NOW)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

none, i'm just terribly slow right now. life is throwing a ton of shit at me (dog being very sick, work is horrible, energy at the lowest point), but i keep daydreaming about each fic and slowly coming up with future parts in my head if not on paper.

16. What are your writing strengths?

ah man i don't know, getting into the character's head for which i'm writing the pov from, making their thoughts and feelings just as important as anything going on. i guess because of that i strongly favour inner conflict storylines.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

too wordy. also pantsing my way thru a fic instead of really sitting down and coming up with a plan ― we are the wild youth chasing visions of our future really forced me to come up with a strong plan, which i never would have been able to do without @theonewiththeory's immense help, girl i never would have been able to achieve what i did without you!! it is my first fic in english, the first one i wrote as an adult, and it shows, but i'm still proud of it! but i definitively continue to struggle with planning and too often i fall into the bad habit of vibing along with it. also, big external-conflict plotting is a hard thing for me, tho i wish i could become better at it since it's always so fun as a reader and i'm always impressed by writers who pull an intricate plot so flawlessly!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm not a fan of it. so often the other language is plain up butchered, and there are ways to do it without having to juggle the hassle of writing a dialogue in another language and needing to translate it so the reader knows what's going on. but as all things, they are exceptions to the rule and anything can be done well!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh man the lord of the rings (with a very mary sue oc even! but i remember having such self-indulging fun with that oc and all the research needed to flesh the story out) and the legend of zelda/ocarina of time (at least i went with link for my mc in this one!)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

when i was 12, i started a complete rewrite of ocarina of time which i of course never posted online. it was in french and i was only doing it for fun. but i still have one version of it and oh boy is it cringe-worthy XD big fail, i read that question as the first fic written ― my brain is really elsewhere these days. my fav fic is definitively with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) which became a comfort reread when i need to feel better by reading about familiar and intimate characters. the whole series (of monsters and men) is something i'm really proud of, even with its faults and misgivings, but that third and final part has left me with the biggest impact personally.

Tagging: i'll tag a few people (no pressure, it's only if you want of course!), but anyone else who see this and wanna do it too, have fun with it (and tag me! i wanna read about people <3)

@theonewiththeory, @ladyverdance/@greensaplinggrace, @inahandful-of-dust, @aloveforjaneausten, @fantomette22, @goatsandgangsters, @zizygy, @itsnotunfinisheditsmystyle

[starfallpod]

Welp, as was promised in the days of yore (roughly a month and a half ago), today we're celebrating ThOCursday, aka a day for making and playing with original characters in the Starfall world.

To me, OCs are one of the best shows of love in a fandom. It's kind of like saying, "I don't want to just play with this world, I want to be part of it," and I'd love to give our fans every reference they need to jump in.

So, below the cut, I'm listing a whole bunch of details you can use to start building your own Starfall OCs - and if you have any questions on other details you have filled in, or just wanna jabber about character ideas and want to hear how they'd fit in, then send in an ask to get your query answered!

(And hey, don't forget that if you contribute to our crowdfunding campaign, you can get the Troupes On Carts guide, which has even more details on how to build your characters)

Have fun with it!

Setting

Starfall is set in a secondary fantasy world - specifically in a continent now known as Falsten.  There is also a state called Falsten.  There is also the capital of that state, called Falsten.  Which is definitely not confusing for anyone.

Aside from the various Falstens, there are also 12 states, all of which used to be independent kingdoms and nations until they were “united” within the Falstenian Empire.  Again - definitely not confusing.

Those states, and some basic information on each, are as follows: 

Eriss: a state in south-central Falsten; known for being one of the most conservative states and the most ardent supporters of Falstenian rule; were historically known as the kingdom with the greatest military might and the most frequently engaged in warfare

Torland: a state in southern Falsten; people from this kingdom are broadly characterized as being dull and lazy, unenthusiastic participants of the Empire’s aims; were historically known as a kingdom of great passion where song, dance, and personal craft flourished

Duosoud: a state in northern Falsten; people from Dusoud are broadly characterized as being as harsh and isolated as their cold territory makes them; formerly a kingdom based strongly on ideas of community and interconnectivity, even across borders and distance; a cold and rather mountainous climate

Krinos: a state in southern Falsten; people from Krinos are broadly characterized as either criminally rich or just plain criminal, for their desperate poverty; in the past, they were accomplished travelers, traders, and explorers by sea; the mountain range at their northern border protects them from some degree of Falstenian interference, but leads them lacking in rainfall as well

Lenolem: a state in western Falsten; people from Lenolem are not broadly characterized as much of anything, thought to be such boring, simple folk that they tend not to garner much attention; still much as it was generations ago, a culture that places much value on family; known for its mild climate and fragrant tallgrasses that remind its natives of home

Virstraea: a state in northern Falsten; people from Virstraea are broadly characterized as uncultured and superstitious religious fanatics; in present day, they are one of the few major strongholds left of Solunistic beliefs, but there’s much more to them than just superstitions; heavily forested in a way that leaves some villages feeling isolated, and on friendlier terms with their fae neighbors on average

Liborotes: a state in northern Falsten; people from Liborotes are broadly characterized as uptight know-it-alls living in ivory towers; historically, Liborotes was known to host many of the finest educational institutions in the continent and had a cultural emphasis on education for all, but much of that has been stripped away in favor of Falsten’s values; known for its well-tailored landscaping and the clean lines of its architecture

Scortegia: a state in southern Falsten; people from Scortegia are broadly characterized as rural hicks; historically, they had a great sense of stewardship over the land and attempting to maintain peace with the fae; now largely have their resources and unique produce mined out for the rest of Falsten; has the widest variety of geography in its one state, with fields, fjords, and dormant volcanos rich with produce

Sattigary: an island state in southern Falsten; its people are more free-willed and independently spirited than the central empire would care to admit

Capribourg: a state in southern Falsten; people from Capribourg are broadly characterized as...kind of weird; they say it’s always business as usual in Capribourg till the sun goes does, and then it’s time for rituals and worshiping the Midnight Mother and plotting the downfall of Falsten; and maybe they’re not wrong

Aquette: a state in northern Falsten; people from Aquette are broadly characterized removed-from-reality snobs; Aquette was one of the only places where artistic development wasn’t actively staunched because Falsten appreciated their aesthetics and so it has become associated with the “fine arts,” particular in terms of food and dress

Mercen: a state in northern Falsten; people from Mercen are broadly characterized as pushovers who would give you everything down to the shirt off their back if you just asked; possibly stems from how Mercen was the only state to surrender to Falsten without any war touching their kingdom; climate is sun-soaked, if prone to a battering by heavy storms in autumn; has a lively fishing culture

Nestled at the center of these is the state of Falsten, the wealthy center of the empire, where the emperor as well as the defunct nobility of the former kingdoms make their livings.  Those who are loyal to the empire and consider the whole of the continent to be their undisputed territory refer to this state as “the Capital,” to help avoid confusion.  Those who are lacking in this loyalty or who still think of the states as independent are more likely to refer to it just as Falsten.

Aside from these human-run states, there are also swaths of land known “faewoods,” regardless of the exact geography of the land.  These are areas where the very land is infused with magic and where all types of fae make their livings.

And speaking of fae…

The Magic of Starfall

Aside from the magic of theatre, there are two primary forms of usable magic in this setting.  There are different terms for them, depending on who you ask, but they can be broken out like so:

Scripted Magic: the magic used by humans; also known as external magic; depends on inscribing runes - the base elements of the magical language - into physical items so that those items become a conduit of some intended magical effect; the word for a finished item of scripted magic is called a script (also definitely not confusing for people working in the theatre business); the use of a script requires both proper runic inscription on an item, and human contact with the script or incorporation of a chargestone infused with personal energies with the intent to use it

Inherent Magic: the magic that resides in fae and faebloods, including the plants and other geographical features of the faewoods; this magic lends itself to their unusual forms, as well as various degrees of control over the natural elements

Aside from these active forms, there is also Ambient Magic, which refers to the buildup of magic and other energies in concentrated areas - usually buildings that receive a lot of thoughtful attention, such as churches and theaters. While normally easy to miss for how little it affects daily life, if given years to build-up, ambient magic can result in explosive outcomes that require a medium’s touch to be handled.

Scripted magic is what powers the troupe’s illusions.  Scripts can take a wide variety of forms, from weapons, to clothing, to simple machines, to even food items (from those who are both skilled and brave enough to attempt to maintain the design of their runes in items that have been cooked, baked, fried, etc.)  This magic also comes in a wide variety of functions.  

Weapons often have simple effects, such as fire or electric shocks, that add to their harmfulness.  The troupe’s scripts tend to rely on manipulation or replication of sensory experiences, such as creating visual illusions or re-playing sound effects.  Some households, farms, and businesses use more complex scripts with multiple elements in place of modern appliances, or as a way of mechanizing processes.

However, aside from scripts being expensive themselves and also requiring maintenance from runeworkers on occasion, all script usage in the empire requires a script license - something which comes with its own fees.

Magic Licensing

As all script usage requires licenses, there are a number of magical licensing companies within the empire that work in the business of testing for and distributing these.  The largest and most ubiquitous of these, with agencies in every state, is called Continental Corporation - more commonly known as ConCorp.

ConCorp operates on two levels - one by providing stable licensing opportunities out of local agencies, and the other by sending their inspectors out into communities to identify and investigate major script usage issues.  These inspectors have the authority to confiscate illegal scripts and apprehend those they believe to be a danger to others based on mis-use of scripts and turn them over to the proper authorities.

ConCorp and other licensing companies are also responsible for issuing travel permits to fae who want to traverse empire territory.  

Religions

There are several major religions practiced within the Falsten Empire, including:

Nayitism: a monotheistic religion; worships the Lord who welcomes worthy souls into his embrace after a lifetime spent cultivating themselves as well as acting as stewards of his land; Nayitics seek guidance from the Lord’s saints, people who were known to have performed miracles in life and now safeguard any number of valued aspects of Falstenian life, from properly rotating crops keeping straight fences to ironing your shirts properly; the most popular religion amongst humans in the empire; priests at Nayitic churches are known as Keepers; its worshipers swear by the saints and by the Lord

Anshenism: a form of worship that focuses on honoring one’s ancestors, and what they contributed to your current state of being; Anshiens make offerings to their ancestors to give them comfort and sway in the afterlife; a popular religion in Lenolem, with pockets scattered across the empire; its worshipers swear by their various ancestors, often in combination with a particular body part; the more generations removed, the more egregious the swear

Solunism: considered more a superstition than a religion these days, Solunism is the ancient worship of celestial bodies; while the Moon and Sun were considered the greatest powers in this system, most of the daily worship was attributed to the “beings among the stars” - the patrons people saw amongst constellations; Solunism broadly fell out of practice amongst humans as the Empire rose to power and began installing its preferred forms of worship, but it still exists in the cultural consciousness, especially in the north; even people who don’t understand Solunism frequently swears by the stars and the Moon

Naming Conventions

Names in the world of Starfall are a combination of real-world names and fantasy ones.  Characters may be named most anything without specifically modern connotations and they will be at place in the world.  A trend in the empire currently is names based on herbs and edible plants (Basil, Mint, Thyme, Sage, etc.)

Professions

Starfall is set in a pre-industrial world, and so many professions are still handled by hand or with the assistance of simple machines - scripted or otherwise.  Characters can hypothetically make a living off any basic profession, although the strength of the economy and natural resources of where they work from will affect how comfortable a living that will be.  

Other Details/Collection of Terminology

Script: a physical item inscribed with runes capable of creating a specified magical effect

Rune: an individual character representing a concept; considered the building blocks of the magical language; correctly inscribing these either individually or in concert with other runes onto physical objects results in a script

Lets: the currency of the land

Fae: a broad characterization for the majority of inherently magical beings; fae take a wide variety of forms

Faeblood: people with both fae and human heritage who appear to belong to neither of the societies entirely; are born with unusual physical characteristics and are often in possession of unusual magical abilities that vary from faeblood to faeblood

Medium: a specialized position licensed for dealing with unusual forms of magic in the Empire - most typically, ambient magic which causes disruptions to daily life in older structures

Bolt: the Starfall in-world equivalent of a shot (as in, “I just watched Rhea down four party bolts.”)

Current Ruler: Emperor Benevolio Falstenious I, son of Empress Justicia Falstenious II

Responsibilities Within the Troupe

Management: There is currently one manager within the troupe who handles most of the more “mundane” duties, such as accounting, procuring supplies, and scheduling their performances around the continent. (Raybar)

Actors: While most members of the troupe can stand in for a bit part, the Actors with a capital A carry the bulk of their performances and are the most skilled with illusory spoken magic.  Their performances transform a regular stage to the near perfect illusion of the scene they’re meant to be portraying.  They also frequently handle infused items to add to the effects of the scene. (Dalyn, Rhea, Glenn, Mint, Thyme, Ravey, Ginger)

Puppeteers: Performers who work puppets, both scripted and unscripted, to add to the roles that can’t be filled by human forms within the plays.  The scripted elements of puppets can add to their mobility and allow them to create special effects just as much as the costumes and other scripts. (Koua)

Director: Usually a younger member of the troupe relied on to bring a fresh perspective to the older works performed by the actors and to help them from getting too set in their ways.  Will often serve as a stand-in for larger plays as well, and should be versed in handling scripted items. (Basil, Aster)

Propmasters: Responsible for inscribing the props used by the actors, as well as for helping with maintenance on the weapons and armor carried by security.  They also frequently help with mending the mundane items in camp, as well as ensuring the camp’s valuables are hidden and well-protected. (Aksol, Jyrsa, Vair)

Costumers: Similar to the propmasters, they work on tailoring and maintaining the costumes, scripted or otherwise, worn by the actors, as well as helping with the everyday outfits of the troupe. (Macalus, Velette, Kio, Viniccio)

Hair/Makeup: A position that only occasionally filled within the troupe.  The actors generally manage their own hair/wigs and makeup, but sometimes, they travel with a specialist in this area able to magically enhance their features.

Cooks: An essential part of the troupe.  While they may use scripted magic to add flare and emotion to their cooking on special occasions, their main duty is just to get through the day to day of making sure everyone can and does eat.  The manager is more beholden to their needs and concerns than anyone else in the troupe. (Centhy, Dalby)

Security: The troupe spends a significant amount of time on the road between towns, and not all roads are safe.  In fact, the less highly monitored ones they often take usually bring them closer to the “untamed” faelands and the dangers within.  Security usually relies on handling scripted weapons to help secure the troupe’s caravan on the roads and to intimidate those in larger cities who would take advantage of their members. (Leona, Hosse)

Apprentices: Workers who have begun to learn a specific trade from other performers and craftspeople within the group.  Sometimes, they rise to become full members of the troupe, and sometimes, they return to their hometowns or others after a circuit with the troupe, able to apply their skills more effectively.

Stagehands: Not just workers on the stage, they form the backbone of the troupe, handling a lot of manual labor in helping the caravans run smoothly, setting up camps, and getting materials to and from the theaters.  Often, they join the troupe as younger individuals hoping to escape their current lives, and those that are more proficient in magic often move to become apprentices once they’ve gained more confidence and inspiration, or they just move on once they feel they’ve come far enough away from where they were running. (Fel, Dots, Colden)