#and i'm being very unwell about it

[blacktofade]

Feb 7 — Made to watch

Buckcest (Matt Jackson/Nick Jackson)

CW: incest, voyeurism, nsfw

Nick’s brought a woman back to their room. Someone who’s tipsy enough that she barely puts up a fight when she sees Matt in the other bed.

“He sleeps through everything,” Nick tells her, not even lowering his voice. “Watch this.”

Matt’s suddenly hit with something that might be Nick’s shirt, though Matt knows better than to flinch, just breathes, slow and even.

“Hey!” Nick calls out and then laughs. “See? He sleeps like the dead.”

Matt knows how this goes. Knows to keep his eyes closed. Knows the familiar sound of clothes hitting the floor and creaking of the bed next to his.

And he knows that he can finally sneak a peek when Nick sighs out, “Yeah? Is that good?”

The only light in the room is the lamp beside Nick’s bed, but it’s just enough for Matt to see what he wants, what Nick wants him to see.

The woman’s spread out across the bed, flat on her back and facing away from Matt, but Nick’s between her legs, arms curled around her thighs as he eats her out.

The noise of it sounds loud in the quiet room, and the woman keeps letting out cut-off gasps, like she’s still trying to stay quiet but can’t quite stop herself.

Nick stares at Matt over the cut of her hip, eyes bright and focused, but not focused on her.

“You like that?” Nick asks, and Matt can see the way she nods her head wordlessly, but Nick looks past her, cocking an eyebrow and waiting as though he doesn’t care about her response.

Matt nods, a quick up-down, and Nick — seeming satisfied — dips his head back between her legs and the noises start again.

This is what they do. This messed up kind of liaison that they can’t even call an accident because they’ve been doing it for almost a year. This thing that exists because Matt refuses to cross the line he’s drawn in the sand. The line that says he can’t touch Nick, not like this. Matt’s the older brother, he’s the example setter, but he’s tangled in a web of his own hang-ups as Nick pushes at his boundaries every day, just to see if he’ll crack.

But sometimes they compromise, because Matt can’t touch, but he can watch. And Nick gives him plenty to watch.

One of Nick’s hands disappears between the woman’s thighs, most likely slipping a couple of fingers into her instead, because she inhales loudly, breasts rising with her chest.

She’s pretty, but that doesn’t mean she deserves to be touching Nick.

Nick moans, body shifting like he’s grinding against the mattress below, too eager. When he next catches Matt’s gaze, his face is flushed, mouth wet and reddened.

Matt’s hard, but can’t do anything about it. He can’t even let his breathing skip, has to keep it deep and steady, as though he’s still asleep, but he’s anything but.

“You want me inside you?” Nick asks, murmuring the words against her skin, but he’s still watching Matt.

Matt nods, can’t stop himself, and Nick’s eyes are so dark, his expression so serious, like it’s all he wants, that it dries out Matt’s mouth.

“Yeah,” the woman breathes. “Yeah, c’mon.”

Nick kisses the inside of her thigh and then slips away, disappearing into the bathroom for just a moment, before returning with a condom in his hand.

She plays with herself while Nick slips the condom on and his eyes briefly dip down to watch. Matt wonders what he’s thinking, but it doesn’t matter because then Nick’s crawling over her, pushing inside without any fuss, never once looking away from Matt.

The woman curls her legs around Nick’s waist, her moans escaping rhythmically as Nick starts to move, and Matt has never wished to be anyone other than himself, but right then he’d give anything to be in her position.

“Is that good?” Nick asks, still watching Matt.

“Yeah, fuck, just like that,” the woman begs and Nick gives it to her exactly so.

“You feel how deep I am?”

Matt bites his tongue and can feel sweat building across the back of his neck.

“Yeah, baby,” she moans. “Feels so good.”

Matt is the only one keeping himself from Nick, but he can’t give in. He can’t cross that final line. He can’t.

“You want this?” Nick asks and Matt nods, so hard in his briefs that it hurts, but he can’t do anything except watch.

The woman clutches at him, moans turning higher, like she’s close to the edge, and Matt is so envious it makes his stomach hurt.

Nick is his and his alone. But there’s nothing he can do.

“Yeah,” she sighs, reaching between them, probably to rub at her clit, because then she’s shaking under Nick, sighing out a moan like Nick just feels so good. 

Matt knows he has to. Nick is nothing but good. Nothing but satisfying.

“Gonna come,” Nick grunts, expression crumpling, but he holds Matt’s gaze as he grinds forward and finds completion.

The front of Matt’s underwear is soaked with precome and his erection almost hurts now. He’s counting down the minutes before he can sneak to the bathroom and take care of it, but for now he has to watch Nick panting, thrusts slowing and eventually stopping.

The woman rubs at Nick’s arm as he pulls out and Matt stares at where Nick’s wet and still hard, not yet soft.

Carefully, Nick pulls the condom off and gives himself a stroke, and it’s clearly just for Matt, who finally cracks and snuffles against his pillow.

“Shit,” the woman whispers and Matt catches himself right as she turns her head, shutting his eyes and pretending to sleep again. “I should leave.”

“You could stay,” Nick tells her, an empty invitation and it’s clear they both know it.

“It’s been fun,” she says, “but I’ll go before he wakes.”

It’s quiet for a moment, just the sound of the bed shifting, of them picking up clothes and dressing again. But eventually, the door opens and closes and Matt knows they’re alone again.

He opens his eyes and finds Nick standing by the end of his own bed. He doesn’t say anything and Matt returns the favor, not saying anything as he slips out of bed, walking with a slight hunch with how painful his dick is now.

Nick reaches out, catching his arm when he’s close enough and Matt’s whole body tenses.

“Did you enjoy that?” Nick asks, staring down at him, but Matt doesn’t rise to the bait.

He doesn’t say a word and doesn’t try to pull away, remaining neutral, not wanting to set Nick off. Mostly to keep himself from breaking down and giving in if Nick starts begging.

Nick must see something in his expression, because he sighs and lets go of Matt’s arm.

“I’m gonna go sleep,” Nick tells him, stepping around Matt to start tugging the sheets down his bed and Matt hesitates for a moment.

Neither of them are getting what they want and he thinks it’s rather fitting. Perhaps it’s what they deserve.

He heads toward the bathroom without looking back.

[gideonisms]

I will admit I hate the trend towards measuring how Healthy fictional relationships are. they're not breakfast cereals! we don't need to measure the amount of fiber! even if it did matter how much fiber a fictional relationship has "healthy" is also a very general, vibes-based word for concepts that I think we probably should get more specific about

[dilfmobius]

as someone who has literally not engaged with anything fandom related since probably like 2020, someone who basically isolated themselves for years because of mental health reasons, and did nothing but go to work and sleep and wake up and go back to work for 5 years... i'm so proud of myself for writing (and posting!!) fic again and making gifs

and to be completely honest i have the loki series and the lokius fandom to thank for pulling me back in dgfjhsgdf

[respectthepetty]

Currently dealing with the fact that I’ve been watching kiseki dear to me through the dash and have just learned now that they’re brothers (not technically by blood though???) now my interest has peaked 🙃

Anon, what?! *death stares at you* You are watching Kiseki: Dear to Me from your dash instead of actually. watching. the. show?!

I watch Mame from my dash so those in glass Tumblr blogs shouldn't throw stones, right?

However, I wanna know how strong you are? Because if I saw pictures like this on my dash . . .

I'd be eating this up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus snacks, like I'm currently doing. Like, how are you NOT watching this? You're just observing all these shots and . . . nothing?

No emotions? No feelings? No interest?

Just nothing?

You're being perfectly normal about this show?

How? Can you teach me? Or is that genetic? Is it only carried in your DNA, which these two brothers don't share, thank goodness.

Can you help me be sane about this show because I'm paying rent in these tags since I'm living in them?

I'm obsessed with this show.

I secretly hate you for not being unhinged like me.

So, yeah, to your ask - They are NOT blood-related brothers. Thankfully because if I had to defend my obsession with two actual blood-related brothers . . .

I'd fucking do it

because I'M NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS SHOW!

no I won't

[quatregats]

They love each other so much <3

[waitineedaname]

actually I'm not done thinking about teru and ritsu's friendship. I think teru might be one of ritsu's first real friends. ritsu isn't like,, the most social kid in the universe, and I think he has plenty of superficial friends (see: "I talk about the weather with pretty much anyone") but I think the only real close friends he has are teru and shou. and I think it's bc both of them are people he met without his Perfectly Ordinary Middle Schooler mask. he has to fill the role of honor student, perfect son, doting brother, etc. all the time while ALSO trying to blend into the background and be inconspicuous, and that's part of why he lashed out like he did during the cleanup arc, but with teru and shou, his first encounter with both of them involved him being an arrogant little shit that's willing to pick fights, which contradicts the perfect kid act AND the perfectly ordinary middle schooler act, and is in fact much more honest bc he's not hiding this kind of nasty side to himself. and that honesty works out for him with these two! teru sees himself in ritsu because he's also kind of an arrogant little prick, and aside from initially trying (and succeeding) to intimidate him, teru looks out for him and risks his life trying to save him and they genuinely get along pretty well! and with shou, he sees that ritsu is willing to fight him on his own and he's like "oh you're fucking nuts, we need to be best friends now" and immediately respects him a lot just because he's not gonna run away from a fight he's certain to lose. idk, I just think it's important that ritsu's first real friends are ones who saw him in rather ugly circumstances and wanted to be friends with him anyway

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

dawg my body is so ready for seeing your human versions of the gang. like the need to draw these sillies is JUST TOO DAMN GREAT--(please don't take this as "OMG HURRY UP", i'm just very excited to see your interpretations!)

well shit now i gotta buckle down on brushing up + improving upon my human scribbling skills, which - meager to begin with - have deteriorated due to Puppet Disease (and i say this with playful exasperation. i've been needing an excuse to Practice and this is a damn good one)

though i will say! i'll be adhering to the ~canon~ human versions we've been gifted via Clown's pokemon au. ofc since we don't know what Howdy, Poppy, Sally, and Eddie look like, i'll have to think of something myself

[forcedhesitation]

*wheeze* slowly, but surely, working on art of them all

[clowngremlin]

my need to always be wearing an overshirt (hawaiian or flannel) vs the fact that i am super prone to heat exhaustion.....fight!

[kerosene-saint]

hashtag one of the few jobs I can do as a physically disabled person is like. live streaming and being a youtuber. which is generally regarded as VERY BAD FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. which really fucking sucks considering I am physically disabled and am much more likely to have mental health problems and already do and have for a long time.

[windcarvedlyre]

Your complex where you enjoy having total control over patients is showing, Tsumiki.

She really is a genderbent, woobier Komaeda, huh.

[b-blushes]

you know when you're in da overwhelm zone due to Circumstances that you don't really have power over. well it's really hard to deescalate from that i am finding!

HOWEVER i am attempting:

FACING THE THINGS because the longer they loom. the longer they are looming for.

regular breaks from Addressing Everything

regular snacks/meals/drinks

prioritising

postponing stuff that can be left until later (But watch out!)

doing other things in advance that are easy to do now (such as stockpiling meals ready for feeling more ill)

asking for help where i can

[crehador]

hi so i was thinking about revenger again today and even though i've talked about this before i can't not talk about it again

i am usually not the type to complain about translations (unless it is something especially egregious such as the yuzuki-san ep1 debacle) and i wouldn't even call this a complaint really

but something so significant and so beautiful was lost in translation in ep8 of revenger

this is the relevant scene:

background for context:

raizou (black hair here) is on a quest for revenge after the death of his wife (the woman in the painting, which raizou painted himself) and he's taken on 'taishin' as a pseudonym to sell his art (for which he discovered a talent and passion during this revenge quest)

his wife's name was yui, and white hair here (the leader of this ragtag band of revengers) is named usui yuen

all of this is relevant

the main issue here is... the character 唯, which was originally written on the painting, has been translated as 'tai' which later becomes 'taishin' when raizou adds a few strokes and a second character to form his pseudonym

but what is 唯 actually? it's... yui

the original character on the painting, 唯, is his wife's name. and usui's name? 碓氷幽烟

key character being: 碓

the subtitles do capture the significance of raizou taking a character from usui's name to make his pseudonym, and that's great. but that isn't all he did. with two strokes he changed the 口 to a 石, he changed his wife's name into a character from usui's name and then added a 心 (heart!) to make it his own

there are a whole lot of reasons this is Special to me but that would require going into the rest of the show which i won't do lol, the dynamics are fascinating but this post is already getting way too long

anyway i just think this is a suuuper normal and well-adjusted thing he did there, didn't alter my brain chemistry at all (lying) and i just need more people to know about it because i think the subs (while doing imo as best as they could!) really did not make it possible for most viewers to catch this

[transmutate]

WAS JUST INFORMED OF THE ROTB RAMPAGE CONCEPT ART I'M UNWELL

[rocksanddeadflowers]

Me: stays up all night to write a tiny mechanisms violinspector fanfic I had a sudden burst of inspiration for bc brainrot

The glass of milk and spoon of peanut butter I had for dinner and 10 mg of melatonin I took 4 hours ago to help me sleep: