#and i'll try not to stress about it either

[mj-iza-writer]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you who celebrate. To those who don't celebrate, I hope you all have a great day. To all of you, I wish you a Happy New Year.

Caretaker hummed while they sponge cleaned Whumpee.

Whumpee fogged the oxygen mask with small moans.

"I'm sorry Whumpee", Caretaker apologized, "I know you're so uncomfortable right now."

Whumpee squinted their eyes open and looked at Caretaker with sad eyes.

"You... shouldn't... be here. It's Christmas", Whumpee whispered so quietly Caretaker had to lean close, "party."

"I'm not worried about that Whumpee. I'm not leaving you alone for Christmas either", Caretaker gently brushed hair out of Whumpee's face, "the party will happen again next year. Hopefully, we will have some of this sickness figured out before then."

Whumpee fluttered their eyes closed for a moment before looking at Caretaker again.

"My lips are dry", Whumpee whispered sadly.

"I know, and I'm sorry, but I can't put anything on them because of the oxygen mask", Caretaker reached for a cup of water, "here take a drink and let your lips get some water."

Caretaker gently lifted the mask and offered the drink.

Whumpee winced as they laid back down.

"I feel bad that you had to get sick on Christmas. It's never fun to be in the hospital especially on Christmas", Caretaker went back to playing with Whumpee's hair.

"You keep doing that I'll fall asleep again", Whumpee looked at Caretaker tiredly, "do you think Santa will find us?"

"Yes, of course", Caretaker chuckled, "amazing that your sense of humor is still tact."

Whumpee weakly smiled, "I have to make you laugh still. I know how stressed you get when I'm hospitalized."

"Go ahead and try to get some sleep", Caretaker smiled, "don't worry about anything else. You need rest."

A nurse came to the door way.

"Can I talk to you privately for a moment", they whispered.

Caretaker nodded as they got up. Their nerves caused a lot of shakiness in their legs. They thought the worst with Whumpee's recent lab work.

"Is everything alright?", Caretaker whispered as they closed the door to Whumpee's room.

"We don't have any results yet. We are asking our patients or their family if they would like a visit from Santa. He is going to be making visits soon. We know not everyone celebrates Christmas though."

"I think Whumpee would love that. It would definitely cheer them up", Caretaker smiled happily, "they just asked if I thought Santa would find them, so this is perfect."

"A kind donor has donated some gifts. Would you like to go pick one out for Whumpee so we can wrap it for Santa to give them", the nurse grinned.

Caretaker looked at their watch and leaned up close to Whumpee's hospital bed.

It was about time for Santa to stop by.

"Whumpee", Caretaker whispered, "would you wake up for me just for a few minutes?"

Whumpee slowly opened their eyes and looked at Caretaker.

"Is doctor back with any results yet?", they whimpered.

"No, not yet, but the nurses said something just flew onto the roof of the hospital", Caretaker smiled.

"Why are you smiling? Don't we need to evacuate?", Whumpee whispered.

"No Whumpee", Caretaker shook their head.

"Huh?", Whumpee whispered worriedly.

A knock came at the door just then.

"Oh uhm, come in", Whumpee called as they pulled up the blanket to cover their shaky body.

Caretaker smiled as the door was opened and someone dressed as Santa entered the hospital room.

Whumpee's jaw dropped as they saw it. They turned to Caretaker with a giant smile.

"I told you Santa would find us", Caretaker lovingly rubbed Whumpee's arm.

Whumpee turned to watch Santa walk in closer.

"Ho ho, Merry Christmas. Your name is Whumpee, yes?", Santa greeted.

"Y-yes sir", Whumpee nodded.

"And your the caregiver, Caretaker?", Santa looked up.

"Yes, its very nice to meet you Santa", Caretaker grinned.

"Well, I'm making my rounds in the hospital. I saw that you had a gift in my bag. I wanted to deliver it to you personally", Santa started to reach into the bag.

Whumpee turned quickly to Caretaker. They knocked their oxygen mask off in a coughing fit that lasted a few seconds.

Caretaker carefully repositioned the mask once Whumpee looked back up.

"Feel better?", Caretaker sighed.

"Ugh, no. Sorry about that Santa", Whumpee shamefully looked at Santa.

"Nothing to apologize for. That is some cough you've got there", Santa made a concerned face, "is that why you are here?"

"Kind of. This has been going on since last Christmas. I am getting weaker and weaker. The doctors don't know why?", Whumpee sighed, "we have to come to the hospital a lot for me to get a tune up. It's especially bad when I can't breath."

"Hmm, that is quite concerning. I'll have to see if I can use my Santa magic to get some answers", they waved their fingers.

Whumpee giggled, "thankyou Santa."

"Here is a present until then", Santa handed them the neatly wrapped gift.

Whumpee's eyes lit up as they took the gift.

"Wow, thankyou so much", they smiled.

"You're welcome", Santa nodded.

Whumpee weakly fidgetted with the wrapping.

"Will you help me Caretaker. I can't get it", Whumpee looked up sadly.

"Of course I can", Caretaker leaned up.

Whumpee excitedly watched as it was opened for them. Their eyes sparkled excitedly.

"Oh wow", Whumpee enthusiastically looked at it, "that is so cool. Thankyou so much Santa this is awesome."

"You're welcome, Whumpee. I'm glad I was able to meet you and bring this to you. I have a few more stops to do before I get into my sleigh. I hope you get to feeling better", Santa patted Whumpee's shoulder gently.

"Thankyou so much", Whumpee smiled up at them, "this was such a great surprise."

"I'm glad. Merry Christmas, have a good night", Santa smiled up to Caretaker.

"You as well Santa", Caretaker nodded.

Whumpee turned to Caretaker sadly.

"I wish you could have gotten something from Santa as well", they frowned.

"I did", Caretaker leaned up again, "seeing you smile and be happy was all I needed."

Whumpee smiled again, but it turned to a yawn.

"Alright, back to sleep with you", Caretaker set the gift aside, "here take a drink of water."

Santa turned to one of the nurses before they ventured into the next patient's room.

"I would like to take a look at their chart. I think I recognize some of their symptoms. I need to see it. Plus any bloodwork and testing", they whispered.

"Right away Santa", the nurse grinned.

The next morning Caretaker stepped out of the room to grab a coffee from the nearby vending machine.

"Good morning", Caretaker smiled at the nurses sitting at the counter.

"Good morning", they replied.

They watched Caretaker get the coffee.

"How did Santa's visit go yesterday?"

Caretaker chuckled, "Whumpee smiled ear to ear for a while after. They were so excited. Thankyou again for getting that set up."

"You're welcome", the nurses smiled, "we are happy it made yours and Whumpee's day."

A knock came to the day.

"You can come in", Caretaker sighed as they wiped away some spilled food from Whumpee's face.

"Sorry", Whumpee whispered.

"It's not your fault. You can't help the shakiness. I just wish we knew something", Caretaker looked up to see who was coming in.

"Hello, I am Dr. Ted. May I come in?", they peaked from the door.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry, we've not met you yet", Caretaker stood.

"Yes I don't normally come up to intensive care too often. I heard a little bit about what was going on with our patient here. I hope it's okay, but I requested a copy of Whumpee's chart. Plus, their recent testing and labs", Dr. Ted came farther into the room, "this has been going on for a while?"

"A long while", Whumpee sighed.

"I again hope it's okay that I went through your chart Whumpee. I thought your symptoms sounded familiar", Dr. Ted sat down.

"Sounded familiar in a way that you know how to help?", Caretaker looked at them curiously.

"Familiar in a way that I can give you name. Then we can go into treating it", Dr. Ted smiled, "their isn't a known way to treat it, but we can learn to manage symptoms. Going over what has been said during your visits and your physical exams. I'm think you have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, in short, that is Chronic Fatigue Syndrom."

"Chronic Fatigue?", Caretaker frowned.

"Yes it can be brought on by many things: stress, a bad illness like the flu. It wasn't taken very seriously before, which is why we don't know much about it, and it could be overlooked. What we know so far is that it affects the bodies ability to produce energy at a cellular level. This leads to fatigue, muscle weakness. You can see cognitive difficulties. A chronic cough from polymyositis . It can cause neurological issues like shaking and tremors. Pulmonary fibrosis, which is a lung disease that leads to scarring on the lung tissue. This causes breathing issues. By the way your faces just turned, I can imagine I'm hitting a lot of nails on the head."

"Yep. That definitely sounds similar", Whumpee glanced at Caretaker, "I had gotten really sick, then this started. Remember Caretaker?"

"Yes I remember", Caretaker leaned back in the chair. In shock mostly, "why couldn't this have been figured out before. They've only grown weaker since it started."

"Unfortunately there just isn't enough to known about it. I recently just treated someone who had the same cough", Dr. Ted sighed, "there is a lot of nasties that go with this. We will need to work on a treatment plan right away so you can get your strength back."

"How did you know about my cough though", Whumpee frowned.

"Oh uh", Dr. Ted gulped, "a very close friend of mine was here with you yesterday they told me all about it, and told me I should try to help. Let's write down a list of your ailments, and we will get a treatment plan ready."

Dr. Ted stepped momentarily to call for a nurse.

Caretaker followed and shut the door.

"You were Santa last night, weren't you?", Caretaker whispered.

"Uh well, yes", Dr. Ted grinned, "I normally dress up every year and play Santa in this hospital. I over to spread the excitement I have for this holiday. I'm very happy I was able to hear that cough last night. Please don't tell Whumpee though. I want that magic from last night to stay there. Let's let Santa's magic continue."

Caretaker nodded, "thankyou", they whispered. A tear threatened to fall.

"You're welcome", Dr. Ted rested a hand on Caretaker's shoulder, "I promise. I'm going to help. This won't just be a regular tune-up for Whumpee. I'm hoping that I will give you both something that you can work with. We can get this managed. We can get Whumpee feeling better, and as more is found out about this illness, we may be able to get Whumpee back to their original self. That's what I'm hoping for at least. It will take time, but I thinks it possible."

"You've already given us more answers than what we had originally", Caretaker looked down, "it really is a Christmas miracle."

"Well that's the Santa magic working. I'll be back in there shortly", Dr. Ted looked back at the door, "let's help Whumpee."

Caretaker nodded, "thankyou so much."

"You're really making a difference in that room", a nurse brought over some paperwork Dr. Ted had asked for.

"I certainly hope so", they smiled, "they both deserve it."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath

@porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst

@generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened

@freefallingup13 @notpeppermint

@cyborg0109 @idontreallyexistyet

@painfulplots @whumpbump

@everythingsscary @skittles-the-whumpee

@expressionless-fr @theforeverdyingperson

@legendarydelusiongoatee @candleshopmenace

@whumpanthems @lavndvrr

@ivymyers @starfields08000

@a-living-canvas @lumpofsand

@watermeezer @indigoviolet311

@whumpy-mountains @3-2-whump

@risk606 @electrons2006

@paperprinxe @whumprince

@kaz-of-crows @mis-graves

@decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @sausages-things

@castiels-favorite-hunter @isikedmyself878

@daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud @valravnthefrenchie

@glennemerald @jasperthecapser

@does-directions @deafeninglittlecrown

@jumpywhumpywriter @blackbirdsinatrenchcoat

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @thenormalestever

@whatwhump @galatic-worm

@starmoon-constellation @bacillusinfection

@whumpsandbumps @tobiasbones

@octopus-reactivated

[alicenpai]

🌟 ART SUMMARY 2024 🥂

this was a year where i didnt draw a lot, despite that, i tried to make every drawing count. thank you all for the support in 2024, here's to 2025 ! 🫶

⭐ [read more starts here]

i continued my goals from last year with regards to perfectionism. the tldr is that i strongly feel my perfectionism kept me away from completing as many drawings as i could, and i had to make an effort to just finish drawings no matter how lukewarm I felt about them. 2024 was a strange year, it came and went in the blink of an eye, even more than previous years! life has been stressful, so i've been trying to focus more on myself and taking time off drawing. ironic, although i think i succeeded in that above goal, i expected to get more drawings out of it, but ended up taking more time off drawing anyways. towards the end of the year, i started feeling more burnt out, and drawing became a slow and arduous process. i think part of the reason was because 2024 was my first year doing 5 events - 2 full weekend conventions (anime north and otakuthon), and 3 single day events (bamtori fall aapi market, toronto game expo, bamtori jinglebam market), when in the past 2 years i'd just opt to do 1-2 local cons. it was also my first time doing single day events, which were super chill! although you have to both set up and tear down on the same day, i felt more casual at those events, had more time to chat and look around. back to my point - despite being fun, doing so many events took its toll on me - especially during the colder months of the year, where i wasn't so used to going to events haha! usually i take fall as the time to rejuvenate and recover from summer events, but i couldn't really do that this year. i kept questioning myself, "does this drawing have appeal? will people buy this?" "is my art hireable?" and it's just not a healthy mindset to have. next year i'll try to draw more of what i enjoy and what's on my mind, instead of worrying too much if it's sellable! *feeling like the HAHA YES sickos meme* - 2025 art goals outlined below: - oc zine (aiming for a character guide with some test comics) - character interactions & poses! e.g. dancing, hugs - generally stuff that's more difficult to draw. my art is more illustrative, but sometimes i wished it was more engaging emotionally? like i want people to smile and cry with my characters... - illustrations that challenge me. when i say illusts that challenge me it's pretty abstract - do research and gather inspiration for every illust.. compositions that are difficult/complex and take a while to draft.. strong theme.. it's more for me to understand AHAHAHA. as the years go by you can see my art becoming more unified in theme and self indulgent... i want to keep going, i want to make art that is uniquely mine. less priority: - get used to sketching! truly miss how i used to fill up sketchbooks every year - sticker sheets (this is on the less priority list bc i will probably fulfill this goal regardless) - oc merch (happy with the stickers i made in the last 2 yrs, let's keep going!) - silly things! e.g. 4koma, silly doodles. comedy is an art, it IS a skill you can study and chip away at (e.g. comedians and comedy writers). make sure i take notes on really stand-out jokes i find funny & why

other various things to try and draw more of: - group pictures - animals - layouts and props. i find layouts and anything with hard surfaces difficult to draw, which is why i draw a lot of flowers and fabric LMAO. one thing i gotta do is start by either drawing characters holding props more (easy baby steps!) and/ or start drawing props around them and make my way towards harder things (e.g. practice drawing a character sitting, i'll start by drawing a simple chair, then a table, then objects on that table). this is also one of my weaknesses - draw the ground they're standing on if possible, e.g. characters standing on a grid - vehicles, if i can. i mostly draw stuff from fantasy series where cars don't exist LOL but i'll try...

[madlittlecriminal]

[08] Secret Ingredient⥓ Mafia!Miguel O'Hara × Female!Baker!Reader

Warnings: mentions of feet aching, hinting at threats, mentions of dana, no not being taken for an answer (dana), one use of y/n, one mention of cinderella, mention of adopting (the friend joke)

series masterlist | miguel o'hara masterlist

He spun you before the music came to a stop. To say your feet ached was an understatement. You both danced for five songs and it was probably the longest you've been in heels since you've opened your bakery and had made those late hours.

"You okay?" He asked, tilting his head to the side and furrowing his brows as he scanned you up and down.

"Yeah."

Miguel gave you a look that showed he knew you were lying.

You let out a breath. "Fine, my feet are killing me."

"Are they? Did I get the wrong shoes?" He watched as you sat down at the bar.

"No, they fit perfectly, but I just can't remember the last time I wore heels for this long," you tell him as your eyes locked with his. Seeing him without his ruby colored shades anywhere on his person was odd, but you could get used to it. If you were being honest, you could get used to it.

"Do you want to leave?"

You shook your head at his question before responding, "I'll be fine. Do what you have to do for your business."

He huffed out a breath before raising his hands up in defense. "If you insist."

"I do, actually."

Miguel couldn't help but chuckle before heading off to his colleagues to discuss Alchemax.

At least, that was to your knowledge.

In reality, Miguel was speaking to his other employees about Dana and the future of his family.

Luckily, none of Dana's people tried bothering you which was great for Miguel. He didn't want to send a warning to Dana so early after their meeting.

However, he froze when Gwen shook her head.

"She's not giving up. She wants you, Miguel."

He took a deep breath. "Well, I don't want her. Not again."

Gwen adjusted her glove as she looked over at Miles. They both remembered the stress he went through with Dana and afterwards. They were annoyed she didn't want to let Miguel go, especially when he seemed much calmer after he met you.

"She's not taking no for an answer..." Miles' words left his lips in hesitation, causing Miguel's jaw to tick in anger.

"I'll figure it out later. My night was going perfectly fine with (Y/N) and now you're telling me this because that...poor excuse of a woman thinks she owns me?"

Honestly, Gwen and Miles were proud of Miguel for not cursing, but they had to agree; Dana was a poor excuse of a woman. Not to mention, Lyla called her a spawn.

"Speaking of her," Gwen says as she looks over at you. "What are you two anyway?"

Miguel waved his hand in dismissal. "You both can go."

Gwen and Miles pressed their lips together to hold back their smiles before heading off to a different direction.

Miguel took a deep breath before going back to you, his nerves slowly returning, but he tried his hardest to hide them.

Keyword being try as he knew the slight tremor in his hand was a dead giveaway.

"Ready to go?" He asked, holding his hand out for you to take.

You nod as you take his hand, letting him lead you out of the building. Internally, Miguel did backflips, letting his inner high school lover boy get excited; he knew, romantically or not, you'd never hurt him like Dana did.

----

The next day, you wrote down new recipes for your bakery, but like Cinderella, you couldn't get it out of your head; the way he led you while dancing felt like a fairy tale. A soft laugh escaped your lips at the memory when you spun around on your own.

You wouldn't admit it to his face, but there was something about him that kept you drawn to him. You weren't sure if it was the aura he had or simply because you couldn't stop thinking about how shy he was when you two first met. Either way, he wasn't getting out of your head any time soon.

Letting out a sigh, you sat on your couch with your notebook in hand as you labeled the recipes to take with you tomorrow. You hummed as you looked through them, making sure you had a few new ones like tembleque, arepa dulce, kanom tuay, and cassava cake to make.

You checked your pantries and your fridge to make sure you had some things to begin at least one of the four recipes that were new to you.

As you worked on the dessert, your phone goes off. You furrow your brows as you wash your hands before drying them, and making your way to the couch where your phone rested. You picked up the phone and read the message, tilting your head to the side in confusion.

?: Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

You raised a brow in confusion until you heard a loud bang that made you jump. Looking up, you saw a cloud of smoke, making your eyebrows shoot up in shock. When you looked out the window, you saw the car in front of your apartment complex on fire.

Your car.

"What the fuck?" You muttered as you headed down to your car, phone still in hand.

"Hey!" A voice called out, making your eyes tear away from the car and meeting his.

Honestly, you've never been more thankful that Patrick usually came over to see you whenever you were going to make new desserts so he could try them first.

"You okay, darlin'?" He asked, checking for any injuries on your face and arms.

You nodded as you hugged him. "Yeah, I'm okay."

He stood with you as you answered questions for the officers and firefighters before taking you back into your apartment.

Patrick told you not to worry about the dessert and decided to cook something for you instead.

You were glad you and Patrick were friends as he says he adopted you after he saw how uncomfortable you looked in a packed bus. You two became friends and only ever had platonic feelings for each other.

Either way, you were glad you let him know you were making desserts today.

~~~~

tags:

@deputy-videogamer @barbiecrocs @deepinballs @faimmm @wakeupr41 @bubblegumfanfictions @smartyren @kimmis-stuff @latenightcravingz @youcantseem3 @corpsebridenightamare @thedevaxer @cicithemess @diannana @itsameclinicaldepresssion @hwasoup @migueloharasbbm @vkumi

[fly-you-dam-fools]

If I may speak on my own experience a little bit about this:

I started reading fanfics on Tumblr as a silent reader. This was before I even got my own account, but I loved the stories so much. Part of the reason I eventually got my account (other than the fact I wanted to share some of my own stories) was to see what these other amazing writers were all about. At first, I didn't really react other than a like on their fics either. I didn't know how to talk to people on here, and I only sent my first ask after much deliberation and doubt that the person would answer. But they did! And they were wonderful. And their writings were wonderful. And that single interaction has stemmed so many more. I met most of my amazing mutuals because of the first ask that I made (shoutout to @alpacaparkaseok). I'm so happy that I was able to find so many friends on this platform.

As I got to know them, I started leaving more comments. I saw how others did, and I of course had my own messages and ramblings and thoughts I wanted to leave about these amazing stories I've read. I'll admit, sometimes I still only leave a few messges. It's something I'm trying to work on as well. Sometimes its time constraints, busy lives, and that's okay. But I try my best to leave something thoughtful when I can. My ficrec blog is filled with drafts of messages I want to write about these authors and their stories.

As for personal experiences, I've been here since June 2021. For three years now, I've only written 18 things, and a lot of them are super short. I'm constantly in awe and inspired by the writers that have masterlists upon masterlists, fic after fic. I have unfinished series that I need to write. I have some things in my request bin that make me stressed. My first fic from all the way in June 2021 has only 38 notes. I think tumblr might have some bugs and I know through my personal responses that I've gotten feedback from my moots about it, but otherwise the reblogs that are visible now are all empty. The version of Moon three years ago that wanted so much for people to be able to read her fics is just...a flicker in me now?

I try to remind myself that I write for me, but sometimes it's still not enough. To all the writers here, and especially @hyunebunx, I hope this will change. I hope you all can be better than me and start off the bat with telling ficwriters how you feel about their work. Sometimes small comments, sometimes a paragraph of ramblings, sometimes more? It makes us feel heard and seen in this vast thing called the world. Start small, go big. Or go big all the way. I've seen a lot of fellow moots and other writers write on this topic, so I hope there really is change. In the meanwhile, rest well, focus on you well being, and I hope you're okay, Deni.

hello, little announcement for whoever cares. i won't be on here or writing for a while. idk why i put so much effort into creating stories, and posting them, just for a like and the occasional comment that goes 'i can't wait for the next part!'

thank you to the 3 people who always hype me up and make me feel like i'm not screaming into the void with whatever i post! hopefully, i'll be able to create stories people actually like at some point but for now i've lost all motivation to even try. i've heard the message loud and clear in the silence i get whenever i post lmao

anyways, an early happy new year to whoever has read this whole thing! ✨️

[demmywolf]

Spookysweetober Day 1: cookies

[bonefall]

wait, why can’t a decent amount of the members in proto-thunderclan not hunt?

A lot of them have serious physical disabilities! It's enough that it poses a logistical problem, which they are committed to overcoming together.

Thunder Storm's three legs makes him slower than his companions. He's ferociously powerful, but like a male lion, he has to rely on his "lionesses" to slow a large animal.

Bright Storm has asthma from her heroics trying to save SkyClan cats from a fire. She's taking that from Gray Wing, who is famously the first major death now. Like her son, she has a difficult time with chasing prey.

Bumble is dyspraxic. She's a terrible hunter and fighter and struggles with self-worth because OTHERS used it to dehumanize her, and continues to, even after an entire society forms out of love of her.

Sunlit Frost has permanent nerve damage in his arm from the fire, and ends up working so hard that it makes his disability worse. A bite on the good paw from Snake becomes infected after he refuses to sit out from digging graves after the First Battle; I am planning a chunky B-plot about Sunlit coming to terms with the fact he has to retire early.

That's FOUR major members of a small group with physical disabilities that make hunting hard or impossible. They have a lot of logistical problems that I will actually be exploring solutions to.

[twinknote]

auughhhhh i feel rly anxious and i need to get this somewhat out of my head. cw breast cancer screening

ok so i have an appt scheduled at planned parenthood tomorrow bc i found a lump under my armpit and there is history of breast cancer in both sides of my family. and first of all i need to call them tomorrow bc i forgot that when i scheduled the appt online it said they didn't accept my insurance even though i've literally been to planned parenthood before and my insurance website says they're covered? so i have to fucking call them and idek if i'm going to end up having the appt. which is stressful on its own

but also there is the factor of being TransgenderedTM and not really knowing if whatever doctor i might see will be trans-competent or if it will be a deadnaming + "girl power!!!" situation. plus just. yk. having anyone see and feel my fucking titties who i'm not fucking is like. strange and unnerving. and there is Also the factor of having sexual trauma so having anyone see and feel my fucking titties who i'm not fucking (and sometimes even who i Am fucking!!!!) is EXTRA strange and unnerving!!!! also idk if i would just be having some kind of exam or if i would be having a mammogram or if they even Have the ability to do a mammogram or if they would just be like Yup that's a lump [insert thumbs up emoji bc i'm typing this in an anxiety-fueled rage on my computer] have fun!

idk man i'm justreally really anxious abt this and it's making it worse not actually knowing if it's happening or not or if i'll have to make one billion calls around to find somewhere else to go or if i'll have to wait like 2 months to see someone back home in which case the cancer will have spread to my entire body and killed me and i also won't have insurance. basically i should just die anyway bc this all seems like way too much stress and way too complicated and maybe i should just not see a doctor about it and just simply keel over and die [insert another thumbs up emoji for good measure]

[lost-technology]

I don't know when I'm going to have the energy to do my Trigun fanwork, so just a heads up if I am a bit pokey-slow on it. I... happen to also be in the American Politics fandom and it's a pretty horrible fandom right now. (This because I happen to live here, cannot afford to escape / have no way otherwise of escaping). We've just hit despair-levels surpassing the Couch Scene. *Sigh.*

[mypeggableromance]

.

[sysig]

Gotta sweep up all this Dust (Patreon)

[aquaticfreakshow-sys]

Dropping syscourse has honestly made me feel so much better like as a person?? The toxicity was fucking crazy

[melit0n]

3:35 to 4:10 in Levitate is so unbelievably comforting to me. In the best (and worst) way possible, it truly does feel like levitation.

The best way I can describe it is laying in someone's arms, lover, friend, foe or family, and simply basking in the comfort they give you. One arm wrapped, gently, around your middle, fingers tracing invisible patterns on your clothes, and the other hand softly combing through your hair as they whisper soft nothings in your ear. You're on the brink of sleep; half listening to their words and half being drawn in by the comfort of the drowsy void.

It's a warm hug that you never want to leave. (catch me replaying that part over and over)

[ourceliumnetwork]

well it only took me 6 months and nearly 10 days but i am officially Done With A Task and now i'll be able to vote in the upcoming US election.

reminder to make sure you get your shit in before your state's deadlines so your vote gets counted, and don't put it off any longer if you can help it

[kyofsonder]

Physically, I'm already lying down.

Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.

[pumpkinrootbeer]

got some tags that got me thinking. is Evan a asshole on purpose? is Jared? The answer is No (imo) for both of them.

they're both assholes yes but neither one is out to hurt people. they're not *trying* to be an asshole. my post was more abt pointing out that evan is a very selfish often cruel character whose anxiety gets used by the audience as a shield against the horrible things he does while everyone acts like jared is trying to get evan to bomb the Pentagon. most of the show Evan uses the excuse of "helping the Murphys" to justify what he's doing. but he's not helping them, he's actively hurting them and dragging out their grieving process! it is a horrific thing he does! this is something the show criticizes through jared bc is evan reaaaaally just trying to help a grieving family or does he like the attention.

even the "no one deserves to be forgotten" motif is a farce because they are remembering connor in name only. connor is forgotten because of evan and in his place is a false fake version of connor that Evan invented. evan uses connors death to prop himself up and make himself look better. but did he do this on purpose? no. but it felt good, so he kept doing it.

again! a really really big part of the show is evan does a lot of mean shitty things but can't admit, even to himself, that he's doing mean things. "I don't even think mean things!" It's not really until "good for you" and "words fail" that he realizes why he was really doing all of this. that he can't keep lying to everyone AND himself. lying to yourself is a huge theme of the show, see "Did you fall or did you let go?"

and wow this got way longer than i intended but imo basically evan isn't trying to be an asshole but it also can't accurately be described as accidental. he's doing these asshole things on purpose but not to be an asshole, if that makes sense?

and to briefly touch on my "Jared isn't an asshole on purpose either" statement: Jared does the shit not to hurt people but to try and make them laugh or to get himself attention. he's making shitty mean spirited jokes to cover up his own insecurity but he's not trying to hurt people. when he's trying to hurt someone he's gets real passive aggressive but I'm not explaining this part super well because I already wrote an Evan manifesto but whatever. autism explosion beam

[bangcakes]

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