#and i'd have to get over my BUT THE KiDs hurdle

[animeomegas]

Okay that other anon made me think and wonder. When would Neji most likely go to therapy, like how much pushing would it take and what age would his pup be when he broke and goes 'fine! I'll go to therapy... Not like I need it but okay'?

Cause if it's an age where they process things better so like age 3? 4? Would they know their alpha parent much? Because with how you write the alpha in that's scenario it makes me think that they'd be out of the house more so they didn't have to deal with Neji's... Nejiness... Like either at work, the support group, therapy anything like that but just not at home.

Also makes me wonder, how would the pup react to their alpha parent barely popping in or doing anything with them because anything they had previously done with the kid was judged by Neji or Neji took the kid from the alpha because they weren't doing it right. Cause I mentioned this before, but they would probably get really disheartened, I mean anyone would, and spend less time with their pup and any time they did spend at home begging Neji to go to therapy to try and get over this hurdle.

But how would Neji react to all that? Either before therapy Neji or after therapy Neji. All this just like interests me so I like to ramble and share my thoughts, whether or not said thoughts are wrong -3-

-🌹

Neji would be in therapy pretty fast imo. He's suffering from something that means he can't function at all, so he gives in pretty quickly, I'd say before the pup is six months old.

@omeganronpa brought up the idea of Kiba being the one to convince Neji into going to therapy and taking walks and stuff, and I love that headcanon.

Kiba is a friend and fellow omega, and therefore not a threat, but he's also likely to either be pregnant himself or carrying a newborn pup, so Neji doesn't read him as a threat to his baby, which means Kiba can get close to Neji and form a support system for him.

And Neji never stops his alpha from being around his pup, he more so forbids his pup from leaving his sight. Annoying, yes, and probably a hurtful lack of trust, but not quite the same thing as banning the alpha contact. His alpha is the only one allowed to watch the pup when Neji's body gives in and he's forced to sleep.

With therapy, Neji is originally resistant, but once Kiba starts helping him, once alpha convinces him that he'd be a better parent if he went, and once Neji is assured that he can bring his baby with him, then he caves. He eventually has medication too, which helps him a bunch.

So yeah, I hope that explains it more! And yeah, it's a super interesting thing to think about!

[pseudowho]

Your love story with Mr. Haitch is just sooo aaaaa🥰💕✨️ I could only hope to have something like that one day

Feel free to share more lovely moments you had with him (if you're comfortable!!)

I never think of it as some great love story I guess. I just think we got lucky. Neither of us are perfect and we've had hurdles to overcome over the years, but love stories are never as clean in real life as they are on paper.

Hummm...cute moments...

Travelling up and down the country to see each other for years while we were apart. I'd work hard one weekend, then use my wages to travel the next weekend, rinse and repeat for years.

Being told we had fundamental issues that meant we'd probably never have kids that were biologically ours after two years of trying, being devastated...and then falling pregnant the month after 💀 Three sons later...

Mr.Haitch's journals that seem to have something about me on every page.

My mum telling my step-dad that she didn't believe Mr.Haitch loved me because he's so reserved and not a PDA guy. My step-dad (also so reserved) laughing hard at her, wiping his eyes and saying "you're wrong, he's absolutely obsessed with her."

Mr.Haitch getting up at 5am to put the babies in a carrier before work, and going for a long walk so I can get some uninterrupted sleep.

Both of us working all hours around the babies and being like ships in the night.

Sending each other dirty messages at inappropriate times.

Being sexy best friends.

Being called "so fucking predictable" when I crushed hard on Nanami Kento 💀 It's true, I am so fucking predictable.

It's very fun. And tiring. And everything in between.

-- Haitch xxx

[takingback-thepenguin]

More of One of my Nerdy Prudes Must Die Concepts/AUs

So a while ago I made this post, and since then, more thoughts and ideas have come to mind! Thank you to my friends for giving me the courage to share my thoughts.

Note: I just wanted to say again that this concept takes place in a timeline where Max either chooses not to be a bully or chooses to become a better person post Waylon Place, and as a result, is a bit nicer, and has befriended the Nerdy Prudes gang. They’ve also graduated and are in college.

First things first I wanted to share my thoughts on how I think some of the characters found out about hypnosis in the first place!

Richie definitely saw someone getting put under in an anime or read about it in a manga at some point and decided "Huh, I could do that." or "I'd wanna do that." He’s probably been trying his hand at it since he was a little kid, and maybe his family humored him, but in reality it was just a game of pretend. However, once he got to high school, he actually started doing research.

Pete and Ruth probably found out that it was more than just a movie/tv show kind of thing from Richie during their childhood.

Max found out about it through a HFHS event: they got a stage hypnotist to come in, and Max saw the show along with the other seniors. Something in his brain went “Hmmmm…” and when the hypnotist asked for another volunteer from the crowd to help him with the next part of his act, Max found himself raising his hand. Helping the hypnotist out made him realize that there are ways he could help people while still fulfilling his own need for order and control (because even if he’s not a bully or has gone through a redemption arc, he’d still have that need).

Steph also found out about it through the stage hypnotist, but Richie probably told her it was more than just a stage thing at lunch one day. Grace would have also heard that conversation.

Most of the NP squad aren’t interested in being the hypnotist. The only ones who do actually take a full on interest in that role are Richie and Max. Pete and Steph would only be the hypnotist if one of their friends asked; Steph doesn’t really believe in it, but if one of her friends said “Hey, I’ve been really stressed and I think this might help. Would you help me with this?” I think she would do it. Same goes for Pete. But even then, it would take a lot of researching before either one would be willing to attempt it.

Now that we’ve established that, here are some characters that I think would work well together!

Hypnotist!Richie and Subject!Ruth: I definitely think Ruth would trust Richie as a hypnotist enough to let him help her over the hurdle of letting go and getting out of her head. I also think they'd do some improv/acting exercises with it to help Ruth improve on her acting and get over her stage fright. It could involve him acting as a stage hypnotist (because Richie would get into that performative aspect) and she’s coming up in front of the audience, or maybe while she’s under they just go through a monologue or scene. Either way, Richie would reassure her that she’s doing great. I think Ruth would probably ask him to cuddle at some point, and he’d oblige. Cue the cuteness.

Hypnotist!Pete and Subject!Richie. Pete would only be doing this because Richie asked him to, and he wants to help his best friend out. He would definitely feel kind of goofy at the beginning of the induction, but as he goes along he starts to build up some confidence and by the time Richie's under, Pete is completely serious. Richie would probably ask for cuddles, and I can see fluff ensuing.

Hypnotist!Richie and Subject!Pete. Even though Pete is nervous and feels a little silly asking, like Ruth, he trusts Richie enough to help him get out of his head for a bit. I think he’d also ask for cuddles once under because he just wants to relax. Again, cue the cuteness.

Hypnotist!Steph and Subject!Max. Like Pete, Steph likely would not do this unless asked (and it'd take some convincing), but I think Max truly would let himself be vulnerable around her. I think he trusts her, and would let go if she was the one putting him under. And all he’d want to do is take a breather from everyone’s expectations of him and lower that invincible front that he puts up.

Hypnotist!Steph and Subject!Pete. This would only be if Pete asked, and again, would take some convincing and a lot of research. Pete would probably have to reassure her that this is what he wants and he believes in her. I think he'd definitely trust her enough that he'd get out of his head...but considering his feelings for her, he may actually have trouble getting out of his head cause his mind might be racing. I do think eventually though he’d relax and fluff would ensue.

Hypnotist!Max and Subject!Richie. I think it’d be interesting to see since they’re the ones I have the most thoughts about for this AU/concept. They’re the ones who would be the most interested in the topic and the most performative. And if they had that trust and friendship from the start or built up that trust, it could be interesting, since one is the one who enjoys playing the hypnotist role the most, and the other is the one who goes under the easiest.

Hypnotist!Richie and Subject!Max. This would be an interesting role reversal to see as well. I think Richie would find it a fun challenge since Max isn't so easily hypnotized. However, I don't think he'd get Max under in the end and if he did...well, it would take a good long while. It’d be interesting to see what could happen if they had that friendship and trust from the start or ended up building up that trust.

Now here are some headcanons I’ve come up with:

If Richie is the hypnotist and either Pete or Ruth are the subject, I think he uses something Star Wars related. He spins Pete’s kyber crystal (that they all like to fidget with) around with his fingers and has them watch as it catches the light. Maybe if he does a trigger, he includes the Jedi Mind Trick wave as part of it.

Going off of that last bit, Pete and Ruth have gotten into debates about whether that counts as the Jedi Mind Trick, or just as hypnotism. Pete’s stance is "No he just implemented a trigger to repeat what he said back to him after he waved his hand." and Ruth’s stance is "Hell yeah, the Jedi Mind Trick is real."

Additionally, Richie found that he liked fidgeting with the kyber crystal and so he ended up buying himself a kyber crystal necklace so he could fidget with it. He wears it all the time but it's under all of his layers, so no one except him actually knows it’s there.

Not only did he choose the kyber crystal because it’s Star Wars, but because he figured Pete and Ruth would want something that wasn’t as flashy and in their face. He figured picking something that they fidget with would be more of a comfort to them and would be something that would gently grab their attention but not make them over analyze things.

Once as a fun thing when the group was hanging out (although it was discussed beforehand and Max just didn't give away that he was planning on making it anime related) Max put Richie under and made him think his name was the same as his favorite anime character for a little bit. Everyone got a kick out of that.

Even though Max mainly wants to keep the focus on him during inductions, occasionally he'll pull out a watch or pull up a spiral for Richie cause that is his friend and Richie likes those types of inductions and Max wants to see his face light up.

Someone came up with a football themed induction to try and put Max under that involved watching a spinning football. Max found it funny so he borrows it from time to time.

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Bachelor/Clavell/Wan

Nobody is left alone

While Pauline and Xander are slowly getting closer again, Michael and Peter went back to the farm store. As they needed a few more things anyway, they wanted to check on the cows again. "Man, she always holds still with you, how do you do that?"/ "hehe, maybe your hands are too cold for her sensitive udder"/ "I never have cold hands"/ "that's right, I can confirm that, hn"..

Fortunately, there wasn't just one cow. So Michael tried his luck again with the other one. And lo and behold, the young lady hero still so that he could milk from her in peace. "Oh man, and I thought i maybe was to rude"/ "No, it was probably the other lady, she likes me more than you, hehe".

"Thank you for coming with me, otherwise I wouldn't be able to carry everything on my own."/ "I'm literally glued to your butt, I won't let you shake me off that easily."/ "hnhn. when we've put the milk down at home… Will you go to the cemetery with me? I'd like to take Bella with me too"/ "Do you want…"/ "Yes, I don't want to celebrate this huge funeral with the others". Peter nodded sympathetically, because he knew that Michael wouldn't cope well with this huge stress. "OK, I'll come with you.".

later. Once he was back home, Michael told his little sister about his plans. "Is it okay for you if we only do it in a small group?"/ "mhm, I don't want so many people around. But… Can Xander come too? Then he can choose a nice place for his parents too"/ "hm, if he wants to, why not…"/ "I'll go and ask him quickly". The girl stood up and looked for Xander.

Bella ran around the outside of the house. Actually, she could have taken the other door, but children sometimes have a mind of their own. "oopsie, sorry!"/"Jesus, Bella! What the…?"/"I… I just wanted to ask if you'd go to the cemetery with us, we want to give mom and dad a nice place there…maybe you'd like that for your parents too"/ . He was silent for a moment…. "give me 2 minutes"…

.Shortly afterwards Peter and Michael came walked forward. "Hey, how's it looking, is he coming?"/ "Yes, he'll be here soon, he has to finish showering first… I've seen his bare bottom"/ "Hey Xander, pack your butt back in, we want to go now!" Peter shouted quite loudly. "hey, my two minutes aren't up yet, so shut up!"….

A little later, Xander came back dressed and a bit annoyed. "You've got a lot of nerve, kid! "/ "hehe, sorry . hey, you don't have to come if you don't want to"/ "I do… O.K., now let's go". Pauline joined in, but didn't want to be intrusive. "Perhaps you need a bit of support? I'll stay in the background too". Xander looked at her calmly, and then at Michael. "That's for him to decide".

Michael had of course heard the conversation and went to Pauline. However, she couldn't really interpret his look. "I… I don't want to interfere, of course, as this is something very personal for you." Michael nodded. "Yes… But you've always looked after us well so far. You've also become part of the family for us, so you can come with us.". Pauline was very touched by his words. "Is everything okay with you two now?" Michael wanted to know, looking at her and Xander alternately.

"Well…". Pauline didn't know how to respond, so Xander came over and answered instead. "We're working on our relationship… with the odd hurdle". Michael smiled with satisfaction. "Then I hope for your sake they're all overcome soon. And make out as much as you like, , I've got Peter now…". Xander was a little shocked now. "Uh, what?"/ "Yeah, we're snogging"/ "That's…". Pauline gently nudged Xander forward. "That's…quite wonderful, hihi. Let's go, shall we?"/ "O.K.“.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of this Part

@greenplumbboblover 😊

[thecarrionwitch]

Fellow witches!

I've done to you with another question. Of course I have my own answers to said question but I'd be a liar to say I don't enjoy coming to you as well to hear from others.

The deal is that my disability check came in. It came while I was sleep... I tried staying awake but after a while I had assumed that I'd come in tomorrow... The eldest brother who I've spoken on previously in post found it with his girlfriend.

Honestly I'm annoyed with myself over the fact because I was supposed to get it so they didn't hear about it... Now I know my mom is going to say something cause they at least know there's money here... To not help the case I kinda froze up as the asked what was on it and told em 🤦🏾

I can't stand this. I hate lying and I hate feeling like I HAVE to lie which is why I give in or freeze when people ask me things... I'm happy the money is here but ffs... I'm worried it's gonna be asked about consistently.

Then had the audacity to ask if I wanted to play the Wii with them. Of course realistically I would love to but it just feels like a way to butter me up.. and I don't like that. Like I'm not finna forget

The fact he said I was a liar about my SA abuse

The fact that before he left he blew up and broke many things in my room. Statues and offerings and whatever else. Just total disrespect.

Said that I wasn't his sister which honestly has its connotations because same mom different dads...

Etc.

Like my issue is that I can feel my anxiety beaming just being under the pressure. Definitely need to see if I can talk to my therapist again but I just hate having to jump hurdles and loops.

Acts of protection magick would be appreciated if anyone has any! Or things that would help with this case of mine. Anything is really free game.

Plus since his gf is pregnant I know that might come up but I didn't tell y'all to hunch in my bed and have a kid y'all ain't fully ready yet to support on your own... I don't wanna hear none of that shit. Imma definitely be looked at as the bad guy if anything pop off but it ain't the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last.

People really believe they can play in your face if you allow them to.

[plaguedocboi]

So I was terrified of leeches most of my life due to a kid's book, and then a few years ago I saw a vid of a pet leech exploring a bathtub with enrichment items and I fell in love. Gotta ask - is there a way to feed them without becoming a blood donor? Not sure if I could get over that last hurdle, but if it is possible and safe and healthy for them, I'd be delighted to welcome them into my home.

Some people feed them with store-bought blood, but that stuff can be hard to find unless you have access to a specialty store. It also can’t contain any preservatives or anticoagulants, it’s gotta just be straight blood served at body temperature.

In general, I’d advise against getting leeches if you absolutely can’t feed them off yourself, just because they can be unpredictable and might bite you without much warning. But there are definitely people who keep them and don’t regularly feed them off themselves! Just make sure you have access to a reliable source of fresh blood before you commit to them.

[cloud-somersault]

Pat pat pat. I don't understand your need for hard magic systems at all, but I feel your pain. Pat pat pat

Well. Hm. I don't think my reasoning is coming across well, so I'll try to explain.

The thing with a hard magic system is that yes, there's clearly defined rules that can't be broken that the audience also knows about and can understand when things don't go well or when characters try and break the rules, like. It's nice to have those boundaries and restrictions so that, when something wild happens, we know why.

That feeling of stability and thought is nice.

However, a light magic system is also fine. things can be loose and a little more whimsical, sure! They sure can. But then we're relying on character building to do the hard work for us.

Example.

Wukong is so old and everything, he knows all these spells and techniques that no one else does. MK doesn't know. No one does. Now, I can believe that because it's established (not just in the show, but in general) that Wukong is super old and has been around for a while. Did he just perform a spell we've never seen him perform before? Yup. Does it ruin my immersion and frustrate me? Nope, because it's been established that Wukong's been around for awhile and has definitely picked up on things.

Another example.

MK is considerably younger and is being taught by Wukong. He's learning spells and magic as he goes. We don't see this as much as we'd like because the plot has to happen, but MK will suddenly get powers like cloud-somersaulting and whatever else because it "looks cool" or "he had enough determination to do it"

But MK doesn't have years of experience and the show hasn't shown me Wukong teaching MK how to cloud-somersault. So i'm left to assume that some lessons happened on the back end or that MK taught himself. And that's well and fine, but then we run into a problem: then MK can teach himself to do anything.

Now, if MK can teach himself to do anything, then, whenever the plot demands, MK can get a new power or whatever. MK can get whatever magical spell is needed in the moment to overcome the bad guy and save the day. That might not seem like a big deal, but it does several things that lead to issues.

It lowers the stakes considerably because MK can get out of any situation that he's in. We have no fear of him being killed or whatever. He can learn whatever power or magic is needed.

There is no emotional story beats of MK needing to learn a specific spell or work hard or try again to beat someone. All we're waiting on is for him to learn the right spell in the moment in order to get over this hurdle. there is no contention. there is no tension. it'll be fine.

I am all here for light magic systems subsisting off of whimsy and fun and good times. Sure! I'd be much more happy if the light magic system only applied to characters who have the experience and knowledge to back it up. That's the difference. And since that isn't being followed, then yeah, I want a hard magic system. I guess.

And it doesn't have to be this big thing! It can be bare bones like Avatar the Last Airbender. Simple rules. Small things. just something to provide structure. Because we, the audience, have been with MK since the beginning of his journey as the Monkie Kid. And I don't know when this dude learned how to cloud-somersault and that bothers

the fuck

outta me.

[eomma-jpeg]

silly in the meadow info that was never explicitly mentioned in the fic (they may make an appearance later but they just never came up in the Big Boy)

Knives has 5 scars: 2 in his shoulders, one over his heart, and 2 in the center of his thighs. This is pulled directly from the fight in the anime !!! Vash shoots him 5 times

Milly and Knives don't have sex for..... a while after they start their relationship. I have always felt that Knives struggles with both emotional and physical intimacy and has made exceptions for Milly,,,, but sex is... its too much that early on. He almost feels unworthy or scared he'll ruin something or hurt her T-T

Pet names are always hard for me to write bc they seem so cheesy to me. I think Knives refers to Milly by her name for so long, but he does eventually start calling her "my love"

I think milly would use cute country pet names such as: pumpkin, sweetheart, honey, hon, babe. But more often than not she just calls him Nai

I'd like to think that Knives grows his hair out at least once... and Milly just... its almost too much for her. The waves and the black stripe and when he puts his hair up ? RIP Milly Thompson

So there's 5 boys and 5 girls in Milly's family, and they're named in a fun order

Girls in age order

Amy (Amelia)

Ellie (Eloise)

Penny (Penelope)

Jenny (Jennifer)

Milly (Millicent)

Boys

Arthur

Emerson

Phillip

Jonathan

Marcus

I did this bc im from Utah and big families almost always have silly naming conventions hehe

Penny works the farm mostly bc she likes doing it but also bc her husband passed away soon after their daughter was born. Secret little behind the scenes tragedy (his name was Hiro!)

I think Vash and Meryl leave soon after the ending of in the meadow. They probably stay for the next cycle and up until the market... but Meryl is getting anxious. She doesn't particularly like to stay in one spot (and Vash unsurprisingly is returning to his old habits of wanting to wander)

Milly and Knives leave too but idk how far in the future.

@veilder got me thinking about plant ethics because that is talked about in trimax but the squad never gets to truly talk about it in 98, so I love the idea of Meryl and Milly going into journalism and traveling around to report on the sentience and incredible partnership humans have with plants.

Veil also convinced and solidified the idea of the twins becoming plant engineers (?) And traveling with the girls to help their advocacy and show how to properly treat plants !!!

Roberto is Milly’s Mom's brother,,, so Melinda's maiden name is De Niro

Oh ! I have hc heights !

Knives and Vash - 6'2

Milly - 5'11 (nearly 6 feet)

Meryl - 4'11

Wolfwood - 6'1

Meryl knows that Knives' real name is Nai but ABSOLUTELY refuses to use it. She can recognize her privilege

One day, Knives says Meryl's first name quietly to her with this like stupid bratty grin on his face and Meryl is about to go screaming around the lot that Knives said her name, but then Knives says "whos gonna believe you" and Meryl just 💀💀💀 (please refer to this clip)

Knives is the little spoon (most of the time)

This will become evident with a one-shot I've written, but when Knives has night terrors or panic attacks he just crawls up on Milly and lays his head on her heart. It's a steady beat that calms his racing mind (and her body is soft....)

In accordance with recent Tristamp concept art and ideas... the twins are genderless, but are certainly masculine presenting. This means that genitalia is .... different. Please refer to @millionsknives for their sketches

This also means that I don't think bio children are plausible for either couple... and that might be a hurdle that milly has to jump. And perhaps !!! Because of this!!! They do adopt a few kids

It takes Knives a minute, but when he finally feels like Milly's family is his family,,,, all of those nieces and nephews are His Children and if anything happens to them you have Him to deal with.

I do have names, ages, and birthdays for all of the members of millys family lol

I doubt I'll ever write this, but I think one day Knives reveals some pieces of his plant nature to Milly, like wings and feathers and milly is just ENAMORED. He's so pretty already and with the added softness of feathers and wings????? Milly is done for

This is like.... a trigun hc (not just itm) that I have in my mind but the boys have 3 sets of wings. One main pair on their shoulder blades, another medium pair that sprout at their mid back and a small pair at the base of their spine. Some of Vashs wings are damaged bc of the scarring on his back.

I think if there's ever a proper marriage proposal, it'll be under the apple tree. And milly will be the one to propose

I won't reveal too much bc I would like to write this but.... but Knives is there when Milly dies. That is all I will say.

Thank you for indulging me and if I remember more I will be sure to add them lol.

Also ! If you wanna share your own hc with me plsssss do. Stick em in the tags, replies, or my inbox. I will graciously accept them 💖💖💖

[2n2n]

Thinking about escapism

I have been dwelling on Picture Perfect lately… it really is a lovely arc.

A lot of times… anti-escapism messages are very bleak and boring, and they don't really relay any kind of 'reason to stay in the real world'… they are either harsh, "you just have to grow up and accept reality, become a normal businessman" (I'd argue this is more common in anime/manga, though, with emphasis on childish phases, reluctance to engage in reality etc), or, more often (in American media), through contrivances, the world of 'fantasy', 'getting what you want' will simply be inexplicably more punishing and dangerous than the 'real world'… I would say both takes typically see & depict the escapist as childish and immature, refusing to accept simple hurdles in life (which they must learn to deal with).

continuing beneath the cut. Gonna ramble a lot.

Let's take Coraline as a western example of the latter category. Coraline is listless & neglected. Her friends are far away, her parents are inattentive, her mom is tired & catty, her new home is unfamiliar and scary. The lesson in the Other is simply one of, "you should be more GRATEFUL for what you HAVE, you'll be GRATEFUL if you were PUT INTO MORTAL PERIL HORROR MOVIE SCARY SITUATION" …. this is often ah, the way of … kids movies …! Not much actual chewing done on 'escapism', other than an almost conservative "just be glad you have a roof over your head, it's not that bad!" and in the worst case scenario, a kind of "don't bother fantasizing or dreaming of better; the world is hopeless by design". It Would Be Worse To Runaway To Be a Pirate, Actually. A lot of ah, more serious media, like an Oyasumi Punpun, or an Aku no Hana, on the former end, have a nihilistic view of reality being a harsh inevitability, and it being a childish thing, the wish for better, or the wish for love, or escape at all. There is often a letting go of passion/intensity, and an acceptance for mediocrity. The fantasies you have when young, are crushed into pulp by reality.

That is not to say I dislike those stories (I actually like them all!), but I think the least of what they are doing is trying to discuss fantasy or the purpose of it … or fantasy as something very layered.

it's kinda rare something goes into the actual limits of a fantasy! or the reasons for its occurrence...

As an artist… I spent my life making stories, fictions, other lives, embodied those. I did my best to imagine a kind of world, a kind of dynamic, what could happen between two people … and you know !!! what !!! IT WAS ALL VERY WEAK, VERY THREADBARE, COMPARED TO THE ACTUAL WONDER AND EUPHORIA OF FALLING IN LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!!!!!!! My fantasies-- SUCKED!!!! Because my mind SUCKED!!!! It was feeble, it couldn't imagine real adoration, acceptance, peace, serenity! I could not make up satisfaction, not really! Because I had never felt it, I couldn't simulate it with any depth!

There's such a cool thing about Picture Perfect, where, for Nene-chan, it's not the rejection of the world on the pure premise "it is fake" or "I do not like it" or "it is bad for me"-- the world will keep her safe, and it will tailor to her. The world is not evil. No giant spiders will come eat her skull suddenly. There will be no flying monkies throwing rocks at her…

but... she wants to see what will become of her real relationship. She likes the real Hanako, and, it is hope and aspiration, wishes for future experiences (naive as they can be) that make Nene-chan want to abandon the fantasy. The fantasy doesn't have to be bad … she can admit, it is nice. It can be beautiful, it can make her happy.

Hanako can make a lovely fantasy for her-- and, he wanted to … I can understand why Hanako takes it personally, as Nene-chan rejects his world. "I made this for you, to make you happy. Do you hate it?" … you can think of it as Hanako writing a story for Nene-chan, and writing his role in it. He thinks things like… "In the story I make, I'll be more polite to her. I won't make rude jokes. I'll be sociable, and have friends, and know all of her friends, too I'll be alive, and in her grade. I'll be charming, and, in my story, I'll just ask her out; I won't beat around the bush forever. I'll be athletic and a good student. I want her to have that kind of fantasy-life. I want to be that kind of fantasy-boy, for just a moment, for her."

It's coming from a sincere place… it's even coming from a place of self-hatred, for Hanako. Picture Perfect exposes that Hanako, for all his playfulness and sexual harassment, he doesn't actually think he's a good boyfriend. Obviously! He's a ghost. He tries to modify towards how he thinks Nene-chan's actual fantasy would go. It's not Hanako's dream world. It's the dream world he imagines Nene-chan wants.

If we want to put it in literal terms to relate to, you could think of Hanako as a writer, composing a story in which he is dreamy, and everything the girl he likes wants. Nene-chan sees this story, and says, "the boy I like isn't here."

She likes, HANAKO! the reality of him! Everything that he is! Jealous, possessive, sexually-harrassing, needy, cryptic, obtuse, condescending… that is, what she WANTS! REALLY! All of that!!

Nene-chan does not have to hate the world Amane made… she can admire that he made it for her. It's a sweet gesture, it is a sweet fantasy. But, she wants to live in the real world, with him. It's really true… that, if you love somebody, anything is fine-- all of those nasty thorns of reality, you want them, if it means you can be with the person you love. Hanako really can't imagine Nene-chan feeling something like that … but then she proves it, later, in the Far Shore, that she'd give up her entire life for Hanako, her every living luxury, her entire future...!

There was a period of time with my husband, before he was my husband, where, we didn't live in a great way, and, I knew it would be hard for both of us for a while, but … I would have lived in a cardboard box with him, I would eat nothing but beans and rice for weeks. I wouldn't want to be in a mansion with sashimi every day, if he wasn't there. I spent a long time not understanding that ... and I wanted him to be with people who could do more for him, financially, who could give him stability, running water haha, a secure roof. I had to come to understand how little any of that matters... love kind of makes the burdens of life un-burdenly.

Anyway... if we push the metaphor, the idea of being a writer composing romantic fantasies to please another-- then concept of escapism becomes both an obvious artistic beauty to admire and appreciate as a gesture, as part of their love, but ultimately, you don't want them to stow all of their feelings away into a fiction.

Furthermore... Hanako is comfortable finally pursuing romance with Nene-chan under the guise of false character, because it allows him to continue to hate himself, and believe loving him isn't a goal she meaningfully has. By creating a fake version of himself and making Nene-chan love it, he can rest well in his complexes, "ah, I was right, of course, she wants all of these things! These things I can't be, and can't do! ha-ha". In his mind, it must have been such a pleasant harsh reality, a good final note to end this relationship on (as he planned to abandon the world!)-- because in his mind, Nene-chan wouldn't miss the rude, dead, sexually harassing ghost. In his mind she'd be desperate for this normal boyfriend. You can see how convenient that is, as a final note.

Fantasies... you can use them to hurt yourself! You can make something contrary to your nature. You can make something laughably impossible to achieve, and that can be the point. Maybe you can make something too 'nice' for someone like yourself to have.

Rejection of his crafted Amane has layered pain for Hanako. Despite the point of this exercise, it still feels like rejection, when she doesn't fall head over heals for his presentation. If you wrote a romantic story for your friend, and, they rejected it ... it kind of wouldn't matter if you wrote it contrary to your heart, if you were only trying to please the idea of them with it. Don't you like it? I made it for you ...

It is beautiful that .... Nene-chan does still see Hanako in the obfuscating Amane, even as she is moving away from him. Of course... he's himself, and... as writers, as artists, we can't help but place ourselves in our work, we can't change our own voice so effectively. I like that aspect! I like how much distinction he wants there to be between Hanako and Amane. Himself, his character. I like how little there really is.

When we reach the crux of the arc, we get to the most complex layer:

The fictions we weave interpersonally, the selves we present for others to like. Hanako, he's so many layers deep. Poor Nene-chan takes the agonizing thought so gracefully.

We really don't entirely know the true Hanako, Yugi Amane, now, do we? What would he want? I don't believe any of this is his fantasy. It is a trap for Nene-chan.

I don't think what Hanako wants, would involve quite so many people, and so much normalcy. I don't think he'd be friends with Lemon and Akane. I don't think so much of this would be there. I don't think even Amane himself could tell you, what his ultimate fantasy world would be, if it was only to please himself.

Anyway....

As Shijima-san and Mei explore, art and fantasy can fuel our hope, and our desire to live. Shijima-san becomes bitter and resentful over how useless and meaningless fantasies were, as things that do not change reality. The manga doesn't feel that is true-- it's not pointless, it is not worthless, it is not meaningless, it's just also not all you should have. That's a far more sympathetic and nuanced view on fantasy than a lot of things offer .... but like, this is a fucking romance manga about being in love with a ghost, of course we can't demean the idea of a whimsical fantasy. We have to value it, to make such a story!! There is some part of ourselves in the fantasies we make, and we have to have them! It's not a nihilistic harsh reality story about needing to accept being a wagecuck. It is a story about how belief, wishes, and hope can shape things around us!!! Fantasies have a place in that... but they can't be used to confirm oblivion!!

Tsukasa has such an interesting role.... as someone who will allow you to access your present wish and actualize it, to confront if it's what you really want, or if you'll regret it. He's such the epitome of, seeking to get to the center of everyone. Sometimes wishes or fantasies come from a place of resentment, self hatred, hopelessness, agony....

sometimes a fantasy represents and upholds our helplessness, rather than our hopes. That's so interesting, isn't it? I think a lot of Picture Perfect represents Amane's present hopelessness towards his reality, but in the package of a sweet and beautiful fantasy-world.

We should just keep going until we can finally fantasize something better.

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 07

Yeah, me neither, kid. Kind of weird that we're seven episodes in and we still don't know anything. I'm a little concerned, honestly.

This is another Misato episode. Actually, this one might be even more of a Misato episode than the last one, which is fine by me. This show had some trouble getting out of the gate, but now we're cooking. Cooking toast, that is, because that's what Shinji and Misato have for breakfast every morning. Wait... I misread my notes. Shinji has toast. Misato gets toasted. On beer.

No, wait, she's having toast too! Good, that explains why she has that second beer after Shinji leaves for school. Gotta wash it down. Shinji expresses disapproval for her slovenly, beer-swilling lifestyle, which is a big change from when he just passively agreed with everything she said. Misato is pleased that he's gotten more comfortable expressing himself lately.

Shinji is also embarassed at the prospect of Misato going to his school for some parent-teacher conference thing. Misato is essentially his guardian at this point, even though his actual dad is Misato's boss. I guess he would have signed off on this, since it seems clear he doesn't care.

All the boys at school think she's the coolest thing ever. She's a sexy lady and she's the NERV Ops Director. Shinji acts like they'd see her differently if they knew what she was like at home, but they don't care. Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney are like "you keep the Earth safe, and we'll take care of Misato." Big Rigg Mahoney knows what's up. If I had me a freak like Misato, I think I could learn to live with empty beer cans. The penguin droppings might be a problem, but I think I'd get over it every night if you know what I mean.

We don't get a lot of information on the Evas in this one, but I'll go over what we do get. They're making more of them. Ritsuko and Misato talk in an elevator about the repairs on 00 and 01, and they speak of Unit 02 like it'll be along any day now. On a plane ride, Gendo Ikari speaks of Units 06 and 08, so there's plans to manufacture even more of them, though finding pilots seems to be the main hurdle.

Shinji also learns about Second Impact, the event that changed the world so much. First Impact was the hypothetical collision of the Earth with a protoplanet called Theia, which led to the formation of the Earth's Moon. Second Impact is widely known to be a meteor collision with Antarctica. According to the test in this screenshot, the meteor was only 4 inches wide, but it was traveling at 95% the speed of light, making the impact powerful enough to destroy Antarctica and cause upheavals that wiped out half of the world's population.

However, Misato tells Shinji that it wasn't actually a meteor at all, but the First Angel. It came to Earth on September 13, 2000, then exploded for some unknown reason, taking Antarctica with it.

NERV's mission, then, is to prevent a Third Impact. The Angels are still showing up on Earth, and if another one self-destructs in the same fashion, then it could cause even more devasation. So the only chance humanity has it to kill the things before they get the chance to explode.

Just to recap, we met the third Angel in Episode 1, and it self-destructed in Episode 2, but Shinji had nearly defeated it by that point, so maybe that's why it didn't produce the same destructive force as the first. And we met the fourth and fifth Angels in Episodes 3 and 5. No word yet on the second Angel, but it must have shown up in 2000, since everyone in Episode 1 talks about how there hadn't been an Angel sighting in fifteen years. It's also not clear how it was defeated, since Eva units weren't available for combat missions then.

My guess is that the second angel was susceptible to conventional weapons. That's my working theory on these things. Whatever they're up to, they seem to adapt and get more dangerous each time. The first one blew up shortly after it arrived on Earth, which might have been an accident, or some bad reaction to Earth's environment. The second one must have been killed by humans, which demonstrated that it could be done and it was a viable way to stop them from exploding.

The third angel was impervious to conventional weapons, requiring an Eva to defeat it. The fourth one... was basically the same deal, which is why Episode 3 kind of sucks. The fifth one targeted and disabled the Eva before it could get in range, requiring two Evas and a new-fangled weapon to defeat it. So the sixth one will probably be even harder to stop, which is why Gendo Ikari is trying to convince the U.N. to increase NERV's budget.

Meanwhile, Misato and Ritsuko are headed for Old Tokyo, where the Strategic Self-Defense Force are holding a demonstration. The SSDF are the guys who had that positron cannon Misato borrowed for her hail Mary play in Episode 6. Old Tokyo was destroyed in the chaos that followed Second Impact, but I guess someone decided to build a convention center out here on the remains.

I'm pretty sure the SSDF is just a continuation of the real-world Japanese Self Defense Force, but in this show they're mainly focused on finding ways to defend against the Angels, just like NERV. I mean, I guess that makes sense, given how the last three Angel attacks have been on Japanese soil. And their positron cannon did the trick, so they're not exactly bad at this sort of thing. This time, they're unveiling a new weapon, which is their own giant robot, Jet Alone.

NERV was invited to attend the ceremony, and Ritsuko takes the opportunity to question the premise of Jet Alone. It's powered by an on-board nuclear reactor, and it has no pilot. Everything is done by remote control, which seems like a really bad idea if they lose connection with the thing and the reactor melts down.

The SSDF guy laughs off her concerns, and attacks the Evangelion robots instead. They're powered by electrical cables, which is kind of impractical, and their pilots are subjected to intense stress and suffer mental instability. Also, the Evas are incredibly expensive, and every time the world increases NERV's budget, there's less money to care for the humanity they're trying to save.

So Jet Alone seems like a perfect solution. The tech is cheaper, there's no pilot to put in harm's way, and I guess they think it can hold its own in a fight, although that remains to be seen.

Misato keeps her cool at the dinner but gets furious afterward. By contrast...

Ritsuko calmly assures Misato that Jet Alone is nothing to worry about, as she burns one of the handouts they got at the dinner.

I'm pretty sure Ritsuko is awesome, but she really hasn't done a lot in this show other than provide exposition. She's practically the narrator in a lot of scenes, but damn. She can burn my papers anytime.

Soon enough, it's time to see Jet Alone in action. He looks a little primitive compared to the Evas, but I don't know, this thing kind of reminds me of Big O. I could see it getting its own show.

All they really do with it is have it walk forward, but for some reason they can't get it to stop, so it just keeps going and steps on the SSDF's control center.

And that's basically Jet Alone's whole deal. It just keeps walking in this same direction. Also its nuclear reactor is experiencing a pressure buildup, so yeah, this is turning out exactly like Ritsuko predicted at dinner. Maybe a little too exactly...

Anyway, the coolest thing about Jet Alone is its arms, which sort of dangle at its sides like tassels. I assume this is designed so it can wrap its arms around a hostile Angel like an octopus, but when it's just walking like this the arms flop back and forth and it looks adorable. He's just a struttin' and a strollin'.

Misato immediately takes charge, since the thing is headed for Atsugi and its reactor could go critical at any moment. She demands the SSDF give her an emergency shutdown password for the thing, but no one on-site has authorization to do that. So they call the authorities, but none of them want to take the responsibility without a written request. Disgusted, Misato decides to tackle the matter herself, and calls in Shinji and Eva 01.

Her plan is to just get inside JA and shut it down from the inside. For that, she needs a skintight suit to protect her from the radiation, and Eva 01 will get her close enough to the hatch to get inside. Once she's in, Shinji will have to try to hold Jet Alone so it can't move any closer to a populated area.

And Shinji seems to manage this pretty well, except he can't stop the reactor from exploding. That won't hurt Shinji, since the Eva can take it, but he's still worried about Misato, who will definitely be killed if she can't shut JA down.

Misato makes it inside, but the password to shut down the reactor (Hope), doesn't work. There's no time to figure out why that is, so instead she goes for broke and tries to shove the control rods into place manually. At least, I think that's what she's doing.

Fortunately, when she shoves one of them in, the others all retract with it. I'm not sure she knew that would happen, but it works. The red lights turn green, and Jet Alone stands down.

I'll go ahead and say it: This is actually really good fan service, as Misato promised in the preview for this episode. She said that a couple of times before, and never really delivered. I mean, she took a bath in Episode 2, but big deal. Most of the time she's wearing pretty normal clothing, and she's covered from neck to toe. Meanwhile, they keep showing Rei in various states of undress, or in her skintight pilot suit, which is the sort of thing you'd expect from fan service, except Rei's fourteen so that's creepy as hell.

But Misato wearing a skintight costume while she heroically dives into an exploding robot to shove its control rods into place? That's actually pretty sexy. YMMV, of course.

Shinji calls her success a miracle, but Misato is suspicious that it might not be as miraculous as it seems. Someone must have set all this up.

Later, Ritsuko reports on the incident to Gendo Ikari, and she says everything went exactly as planned, save for Misato's daring shutdown of the reactor. So it looks like NERV sabotaged Jet Alone, probably to discredit the SSDF and convince the UN that NERV deserves whatever funding they ask for. And since Misato's role in this was not part of the plan, it sounds like Ikari intended for Jet Alone to explode. That's why the password didn't work.

The only lingering question is whether Gendo intended for Jet Alone to explode in the middle of nowhere, or once it reached a populated area. That I feel the need to ask tells you everything you need to know about Gendo Ikari.

The next day, Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney are still horny for Misato, and Shinji is still trying to convince them that she's not as cool as she seems. He tells them about how sloppy and silly she is at home, and they realize he doesn't know how lucky he is. Shinji's the only one who gets to see that side of her, and that's because Misato allows only him to see it. That means she thinks of him as family.

And there you have it. I guess this is a big eureka moment for Shinji, and maybe it helps him understand why Rei and his dad get along so well. Anyway, the next episode is supposed to have Asuka Langley in it, so maybe we'll finally find out what she's all about...

[transboysokka]

Tell us about your extensive list of injuries!

ok this is probably why my body is so shitty now lol

like idk if this is A Lot but also the doctor i had my whole time in America's philosophy was "give it time and your body will heal it" and idk if it was him or my shitty dad who just like didn't know about physical therapy lol but yeah

feel free to use any of this as fanfic inspo lmao

I don't think anything here is TOO graphic but, y'know, take care of yourselves

I was BORN with a broken collarbone because i was... 10.5 pounds as a baby? Couldn't fit through the hole lolol like i guess the DELIVERY took 2.5 hours

this isn't an injury but feels like it belongs here... i have a bleeding disorder so when i was a kid between like 3-5 years old i'd get these TERRIBLE nosebleeds that, no lie, would fill up a bath towel. so i had two nose cauterizations when i was 5 and 6. so. surgery.

Many many ankle sprains lol

In... Grade 8? I broke BOTH of my ankles at the same time bc i tried to jump hurdles in track AFTER having already pulled a muscle. so i landed terribly wrong... lol they had me doing shot put the rest of the season bc that was the only thing i didnt have to move my legs so much doing

somehow i think... i was mostly okay through high school... somehow? (maybe not i dont remember a lot of high school lol)

ok so in college i worked at this Religiously Traumatizing summer camp and i did all the like Carrying Heavy Stuff Around jobs but i slipped in the mud from standing height and slammed RIGHT down on my right knee and i swear i landed on a rock or something? yeahhhhh that's my most fucked up one still, it NEVER healed right and actually the way they had me using crutches for that one really messed up my OTHER knee too

about... 6 years ago right before i moved to asia i worked in construction sales (fucking loved that job, i was so buff driving forklifts and tossing around bags of cement) and i was lifting a 14-foot 4x6 WET pressure-treated beam, so we're talking like... idk that's gotta be 30kg, am i exaggerating? (on my own, as I probably shouldn't have done) over my head and DROPPED IT ON MY FACE. HUGE laceration and concussion

ANYWAY i was sleeping in my sister's top bunk at the time lmao and so the next morning I FELL OUT OF IT AND LANDED ON THE SAME DAMN LEFT COLLARBONE I BROKE AS A BABY. snapped the thing clean in half. waited a month for it to heal on its own, it didnt, and i needed surgery for them to break it again and fix it. I still have the plate and screws in there. but now that whole area is kind of fucked muscle-wise too

OH i almost forgot i got in a scooter accident a few months ago, major head injury there. like passed out for 10 minutes kind of head injury! but also i cut my finger like right down to the bone so that was... fun to heal...

so yeah... is it a lot? idk lol but that's all of them i think

[alterchaos]

Welcome to Alter Chaos!

click "keep reading" for the table of contents as well as an intro, about info, and links to both my side blog and discord

Have you ever listened to a good song and imagined yourself in an epic fight scene? That is exactly how Alter Chaos was created! Music has been a huge form of escapism for me in my struggles as a teen and even now as a young adult. For over ten years, I slowly built up a Sonic au in my head with an attempt at connecting all the games, shows, comics, etc. I imagined myself as part of the action, using my daydreaming to cope and even work through many of the problems I faced in my daily life. For instance, if I got into a fight, I would pick a character who was similar and imagine how I'd work things out with them before addressing real life again. It was my safe space and one I had absolutely NO intention of sharing.

Well...we all know how that turned out, right?

In 2023, I finally caved and mentioned my little self-insert au to a group I was in at the time. With some encouragement, I drew a few concepts...then some more...then it sort of just...came together. When I became serious about it, I considered for a while if I should've replaced my oc with another character, not wanting to turn my story into a journey of self-aggrandizement. Ultimately though, I decided that I wanted to keep the self-insert element and use it as a way to self-reflect and allow others to insert themselves as well. It helped motivate me to be realistic about both my strengths and my flaws as a person, and I believe it's helped me grow as a result.

Despite the many hurdles this series has faced over the course of its lifetime from struggles in my confidence as a writer to finding my voice and identity, I'm proud of what it's become today. When I think about it, the ups and downs it's faced since the very first chapter are so reminiscent of what life is, and that's the exact kind of energy I wanted to capture. It's what makes life beautiful...meaningful...and I hope that this series can give out that same feeling to all of you.

Thank you all so much for reading Alter Chaos and giving me the chance to share stories and messages so near and dear to my heart.

Please enjoy the show!

A BIT OF CAUTION:

This series is rated PG-13. While individual chapters will have warnings, know that this series as a whole will involve some heavy content from blood and body horror to depictions of bullying and depression. The purpose of this kind of content is not to be as dark or angsty as possible, rather to show real struggles and ways they can be managed or overcome. That and...I'm a bit of a horror fan (especially in special effects and makeup).

Reader discretion is always advised.

Also for anyone worried, I don't do smut. I enjoy a good ship or romance but we're keeping it cute here. No unnecessary melodrama either. I'm a fan of healthy, loving partnerships, however that presents itself. And no, my oc is NOT shipped with Sonic...or any Mobians for that matter...that'd be weird (raises eyebrow at 06).

A BIT ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

I'll make this short and sweet. Hi everyone! I'm Eve (the one and only haha). I'm only kidding. Writing these stories has actually been a very humbling experience for me. There's always a new technique to learn and incredible artists to be inspired by. Seriously, the Sonic Community has some TALENTED individuals! ♡

Let's see...I guess I should give some sort of list or blurb to help you all get to know me outside of my character. While she's accurate in as many ways as possible, she's more reflective of me as a kid and, believe me, I've changed a LOT since I was a kid...I think. Here's some basic rapid-fire facts to help:

Star Sign: Taurus (yup, I'm a stubborn one)

Favorite Color: a light, rosy pink

Personal Style: casual but cute

Favorite Food: mashed potatoes and mac n' cheese (so cozy...)

Favorite Movie: How to Train Your Dragon 2

Favorite Videogame: Sonic Unleashed/Kingdom Hearts 2

Favorite Sonic Character: Silver and Jason's Sonic

Sonic Character I'm Most Like: Tails. I'm a complete nerd who can ramble for hours and lose myself in a project.

Favorite Sonic Moment: the "Live Life" speech

What Got Me into Art: I wanted to be a Disney animator as a kid

Biggest Strengths: humor/perseverance/compassion (p.s. I am the self-proclaimed "pun queen". Challenge me if you dare.)

Biggest Struggles: self-doubt/difficulty trusting others/social anxiety

Weird Fact: I have a near-photographic memory. Between that and my love of chocolate, I'm basically just Chip if he, like, ate the camera or something.

You can follow my regular Tumblr here for content outside of Alter Chaos -> THE CHAO GARDEN

NEW

Be sure to check out the ALTER CHAOS DISCORD SERVER here

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

💎 BEGINNINGS 💎 💎🌌 THE SPIRIT'S REQUIEM SAGA 🌌💎 💎🏙 ALTER EARTH SAGA 🌆💎

💎🌎 ALTER EARTH ADVENTURES 🌎💎 💎🚀 METAREX SAGA 🌸💎 💎🎸 A HERO'S PURPOSE SAGA 🎻💎 💎🖤 SHADOW SAGA 💛💎

💎🌎 MOBIUS ADVENTURES ACT 1 🌎💎 💎🔥 SEVEN RINGS SAGA 🌟💎 💠🌕 THE MOONBEAST SAGA 🌙💎

STAY TUNED FOR MORE

FIRST CHAPTER: THE BIRTH OF A LEGEND

LATEST CHAPTER: TEARS

[danketsuround]

sunday six!

typical monday six for me cause i forgot yesterday was sunday lol i was tagged by @four-white-trees and @overdevelopedglasses woo! thank you! i will tag everyone else i usually tag @c-cw-f-saeko @fire-tempers-steel @futilecombat @passthroughtime (think that's everyone? lmk if u want to be tagged/untagged) (share if you want don't if you don't as usual HI)

sharing something different cause i wasn't feeling well this weekend and i have this written already. little extra thing from two birds that expands on the letters kuwana and reiko wrote to each other. kind of long but i don't like it enough to post so just take the whole thing gosh!

To Kusumoto-san,

How are you? I'm sorry I haven't written yet. I just figured out how this works in the midst of moving around. Ehime is a nice place. Far, temperate. The people in Masaki are a little too friendly. Not sure I could say the same about Matsuyama, though, I guess that's the city to a stranger. It seems silly to say, but I hope you're making some friends, if you can.

When we first drove in, a seagull shat on my car. Right on the windshield! I almost killed us both. I know you just jumped at the thought, but we're really okay. Mitsuru made fun at me for getting so startled. He's a good kid. He's a lot like you and nothing like me. Thank God. Despite our differences I think we're getting along.

We came to Matsuyama for a bit. We wanted to pop in and see you but they told us it doesn't work that way. That day it really hit that you were in prison, and not just away on a terrible vacation. I guess I'll never get over missing you. It really upset Mitsuru, so I took him to do tourist stuff instead. It was nice because a lot of people visit those areas, so the wheelchair wasn't really a problem like it is on these gravely rural roads. We met the mascot, Mikyan, and took a picture with him. I'm sure it fell out when you tore open this envelope. Did you know Ehime is famous for its mandarins? They really won't let you forget it! The photo was just going to be of Mitsuru, but this lady behind me said she could take a photo of the both of us, and I got too shy to say no. I'd never do that! Maybe I'm a changed man after all. Anyways, you have the both of us now—though it wasn't like you didn't before.

Mitsuru gave me a haircut. I look ridiculous. You can see it in the photo, right? I would have done a better job blindfolded, but he seemed proud of it, so I kept it. His hair looks pretty choppy now, but not out of revenge. I just suck at cutting hair. Did I tell you that he's trying to get his high school diploma? What a dedicated young man you've raised. I technically still have my teaching license, so I've been helping. Feels good. It's weird. Whenever I help him, I remember why I became a teacher in the first place. Ironic, isn't it? I want to tell you everything but I'll save it for the next time we see you. I'm sorry for cutting it so short, but I have a favor to ask you.

The nurses in Ijincho explained a bunch of stuff to me about Mitsuru's condition and printed it out. It's expectedly massive. Sorry to be a pain, but would you mind taking a look at it and tell me what to do? Advice? I can't make sense of it all. Or maybe I refuse to believe it. Is he really hurt so badly? What does he think of all this? I wonder about it. I wonder about it a lot. He seems fine, but then I look at all his X-rays and blood tests and I don't know what to think. How do I get him too eat? To grab things? To smile? I'm taking it one step at a time, but these technical terms are a big hurdle. You can read it, right? You've always been so much smarter than me. I'm sorry again. I'm lost. Thank you. I'm running out of room. They've got a limit on paper for prison letters. Seems strict.

Mitsuru wanted to say:

M iSsyou Mo M

- Mi Tsu ru

He's got a damn strong grip on his pencil. You'd be proud.

Until then,

Yu

Kitakata,

It's good to finally hear from you. I'm doing as well as I can. You seem to be the same. I checked a map of Masaki to try and place you two. It seems like a nice town. Are you getting used to the short buildings and the little beach?

I've been friendly with some of the other inmates, and the seagulls here do the same, but I've been safer than you.

I got your picture. How cute. Your haircut isn't so bad, he did a good job.

I looked at the documents. I know what you mean. I expect you already know to use the feeding tube and how to bathe him. It's not surprising he did not respond well to the catheter. I wouldn't either.

Firstly, Mitsuru has anterograde amnesia. That means he has a very difficult time forming short term memory, even if his long term memory is intact. Remember when you told me he didn't know your name, even though you told him earlier? That's why. I'm not sure why he doesn't remember your face from before. I suppose that's a fortunate mystery. You may have noticed the nurses doing this, but if you tell him the same things over and over again, he'll have an easier time forming new memories. He knows what to call you now because you said it so many times. I'm sure he knows I'm in prison because the nurses told him many times, too. That's what I get.

I'm sure you're well aware of his mental health. He seems to go up and down a lot, I bet. Like his body, his brain is suck at seventeen. Doesn't he seem so... frozen in time to you? He's like an old doll, destined to be a kid forever. I'd be jealous if that was the end of it. The nurses observed that he sometimes behaves like a much younger child. Have you seen him suck his thumb? Does he tug at you when he wants your attention? Hug you at night? It's an acute stress response. He's defending his body from his mind—that's what that means.

Lastly, his food. It's not very difficult to do. Steam it for thirty minutes. If you lose track of time and think you've cooked it for too long, add another ten minutes. I did that when he was little. He hated vegetables until they weren't shaped much like vegetables anymore. He'd swallow his food whole to hurry up and play outside again, so boil it thoroughly. It should be the consistency of chewed gum or silt. Try it yourself, add salt if you hate it. He doesn't like broccoli. No broccoli. Like everything else, he's still relearning how to chew. Don't push him. He’s sensitive. You know that already, just like you know how to do all this other stuff. You have good intuition, and great memory, and it helps that Mitsuru seems to love you. Even still, don't push him. No broccoli. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Don't expect me to say anything else, I'll see you soon.

Kusumoto Reiko

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: The Frostbound Queen by Amy Pennza

3.75/5. 8/13/24.

Vibes: MMF, elves!!!, guardian/ward, enemies to lovers

Heat Index: 9/10

The Basics:

Elven princess Liria is meant to inherit her father's throne—but when he dies, she's confronted with the realities of her own power, leaving a vacuum open for his friend (and her guardina) Ronan to step in. Fleeing to the human lands, Liria meets the charismatic Prince Sigurn. Torn between her long-simmering feelings for Ronan—unsure of whether she should even trust him—and her new connection with Sigurn, Liria is even more thrown when it turns out the men know each other... and the threats to her throne may be more complex than she realized.

The Review:

It's always lovely to pick up a book thinking it's a love triangle, when in fact... It's MMF! Yes yes, Sigurn and Ronan know each other INDEED, and swords do cross (quite a bit) and everyone is in love with everyone at the end, so... have no fear triangle-haters. This is the whole thing.

I don't hate triangles, so while I was happy that this turned out to be a triad romance (which I love quite a bit) I was honestly more worried about the elf thing. Elves can be really hit or miss for me—but these were ROYAL elves, and therefore I was willing to play ball.

There was really no need to fear. The elf stuff was well done, and not overly... elven. You get some politicking, some fighting for the throne, and some cool ice powers. But it's not Lord of the Rings; I mean, it's VERY far from that, all things considered. So if you're a little worried about how elfy this is going to get, I'd say that you're going to be pleased here.

I'd never read Amy Pennza before, and she has a quick, snappy, engaging writing style that pulled me in from the beginning. Her writing flows, her dialogue is fun, and I'd say that this reads pretty smoothly overall. I can't say that this is a total "one-handed read", because honestly? You get a good chunk of plot here. Like, yeah, the plot ultimately kind of leads to us getting these three into bed together, but like... There's betrayal. There are blood vows. I actually really liked some of the worldbuilding aspects. Basically: if you want your triad books to have actual substance, you'll get that here (if not quite as much as you would with, say, a Sierra Simone book).

Where I do have my quibbles are really in the character dynamics. I love poly romances. I love MMF. It is very difficult to write it without the heat being prioritized over the relationship development, which leads to one or two dynamics being emphasized over the other.

Here's where I think we had some stumbling blocks, to be honest. I was immediately drawn to Liria and Ronan's bond—if you aren't into guardian/ward stuff, then look away, because he has known her since she was a kid, and he is her dad's best friend. The book is very upfront about all of that. The thing is that this gives us a lot of layers to work with. They're conflicted, they're drawn to each other. You can feel the years of tension. To top it off? Liria is now suspicious of Ronan attempting to dethrone her, and he had does have genuine internal conflict about it.

Like, I can't say that Liria has as much depth as Ronan—he's easily the most compelling character of the three. But there's more for her to bounce off of when she's with him. There's a real trajectory the two of them must reach, a dynamic that has to overcome hurdles surrounding trust, duty, and entitlement.

Sigurn... is hot. He's Big. He's a bit rakish, but in a jolly kind of way. He tops. And yes, he has his family drama, and we know that he and Ronan have battled wills in the past. But by the time we see them together, they do have... tension, but a kind of equilibrium and acceptance of an imperfect relationship. Yes, there are a couple more steps to go, and they take them. Their dynamic is intriguing—but you don't get as much emotionally between them as you do between Liria and Ronan, and Liria and Sigurn one-on-one are honestly basically instalove and kind of boring in comparison to the other two dynamics. Ronan and Liria? Lots of conflict. Sigurn and Ronan? Lots of tension. Sigurn and Liria? Kind of just... fine. The sex is hot. There you go.

And for me, this really becomes more apparent as the story goes on. Sirgun just isn't as interesting as Ronan, and his dynamic with Liria isn't as interesting as her dynamic with Ronan, and his dynamic with Ronan is interesting, but a lot of the source of conflict has already HAPPENED.

It's not BAD, but it did kind of stick with me towards the end of the book. I got why Liria and Ronan were tangled up with each other. I sort of got why Ronan and Sigurn were all twisted up, though to be real, I felt like Ronan seemed way more preoccupied with Liria. Sirgun was just... not as important. This being an MMF book, I did have to take issue with that.

However, the story remains really fun. I was always engaged, and I breezed through the audiobook (which has good narrators all around). For a lot of people all my critiques here are not going to matter, because if you want a good time, you'll get a good time. And to be clear: I absolutely plan on reading more Amy Pennza.

The Sex:

I mean. It's really good. Each pairing in the triad gets an individual scene (I gotta say, Liria took quite a... pummeling... for an inexperienced woman in that short amount of time, but I'll chalk it up to elf stuff) plus several trio scenes. I do feel that Sigurn's status as "least interesting person here" continues into the bedroom, as he's very typical "let me tell you what to do", but hey. I'll openly admit that Ronan is probably the worst person at that bar, and boy does that make me like him more.

Overall, this is a really fun, hot romance that's perfect for those who want something high heat, fantastical, and a bit on the lighter side without being too lightweight. Don't let the elves scare you off!

Thanks to NetGalley and Dreamscape Media for providing me with a copy of this audiobook. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[torchickentacos]

Physical Education Class and Ableism (AKA, 'Is my invisible disability actually invisible, or do you just close your eyes when confronted with a student in pain?')

I will not pretend this is a well-written discussion on the issues in PE. This is not that. This is an outlet of the grief and pain and genuine suffering that I, and many other students, felt through PE class- which goes far further than having a couple blisters after running the mile. I am in no way being dramatic or hyperbolic when I say that PE class leaves a long-lasting stain on not only self-image, but for some of us, our bodies. LONG POST. This IS personal and emotional (because years later I'm still angry at how I was treated), not a purely fact-driven dissertation, though personal anecdotes are relevant to the topic, and my emotional biases do not invalidate my points.

TW for ableism and brief mention of ED behaviours (clearly labeled and easy to skip over). This was definitively NOT fun to write, and I quite dislike talking about exactly how much disability affects me but I'm honestly angry enough to not care right now. Because every time I think about how I was treated, I get angrier and angrier. The wound grows deeper with each year I have to process it. I just want this to reach anyone else who is as angry about it as I am to reassure you that you have every right to be angry. A hell of a lot more people should be mad, too. I want people to get mad reading this. If you want, share it. Put it on tiktok without credit, for all I care (though actually please don't do that). If nothing else, just listen to kids when they say they're in pain.

To preface, I have never been able to do a push-up. Never. My shoulders and elbows just cannot support me. Any time we did push-up tests, I'd just sit on my ass because why hurt myself trying to do what everyone around me could do with ease? As for curl-ups, I think I peaked at 27 once. I never ran the mile in under thirteen minutes. Never did a pull-up. Was always last in every activity consistently (even during Ramadan, as a non-muslim who was not fasting- which, Ramadan and PE expectations are a WHOLE other topic that I am not educated enough on to make comments on, so I digress).

There were maybe three things I was good at, though. I could always far exceed everyone else in stretching and flexibility tests, and I was uniquely really good at gymnastics and hurdles, of all things. In retrospect, this is due to the leg flexibility needed for hurdle jumping, and I'm flexible due to disability- I'll get into that soon, though.

All of which is to say, I was bad at PE.

No matter what we did, for the most part, I'd be lagging behind and dizzy and in pain.

At first, I tried to push through and ignore it, determined to not fall too far behind my classmates. I was already a weirdo in the special ed program, didn't need another reason to feel like an outcast. I was already, at that point in time, missing large chunks of the year due to 'psychiatric help' stays, to put it mildly. So I just tried to keep up and never could.

Eventually, the complaining started. Or rather, the advocating that fell on un-listening ears. I started telling my teachers that running hurt and I didn't know why. That I was out of breath and my head hurt. This went on for a couple years and every single time the answer was 'well, you'll get half credit for the class if you walk today, but if you do that too much you'll fail'. So basically the answer I was given was to run with everyone else or fail class.

I started having a crunching knee. A clicking kneecap. Ankles rolling. Progressively getting worse over time. I started running with a limp. I started lagging even further behind. I started giving up entirely, opting to walk and take a bad grade because I could not keep willingly and actively hurting myself. One time, I even almost passed out after the mile and was told "well, put your head between your knees and see if that helps, then go back inside and get ready to go to your next class".

What that response told me was that I was being dramatic and lazy. The lack of seriousness they took it with told me I was just being overdramatic. So, I started believing them. Every time I walked up the school's stairs to the second floor, knees hurting and chest heaving, I just told myself I was out of shape and needed to work out more. I convinced myself I was lazy, just like they thought I was. I tried to get better. I tried to exert myself more and more in class only for it to hurt more and more.

The harder I tried, the worse I got.

I didn't understand it. Everyone around me was doing the same exercises and getting faster and stronger. Everyone else was improving or at least staying at the same levels of health. I was deteriorating, no matter how hard I tried to get into shape. I wasn't trying hard enough, maybe. SKIP RED SECTION IF ED TOPICS ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU.

Maybe I was overweight, I thought (not true and led to some very bad habits that made me worse). I'd go from not eating lunch one day to eating two the next, trying ANYTHING that would make me feel like I was putting in the 'effort' to be healthier. Maybe I needed more food and more muscle. Maybe I needed less food and less fat. I'm sure we can see how this was an issue (that could have and would have been avoided had I been listened to).

RED SECTION OVER.

I was roughly thirteen to sixteen through all of this, if my math adds up (which it very well may not, since we can also put math in the disability zone for me).

I still get stuck in this thought pattern. I'm still working to get rid of these thoughts and attitudes in 2023. My last PE class was in 2018 if I recall.

I started skipping class. I was getting panic attacks and hiding out in the halls, in the bathrooms, trying to strategically schedule counselor meetings, doing anything I could to avoid PE class and the pain that came with it.

Eventually, though, after an eternity of pain and being told to suck it up, I stopped PE classes and fulfilled my credits for them (how I passed, I have NO idea- I can only guess my IEP team pulled strings for me behind the scenes). Only after this did I learn I had Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Postural Orthostatic Tachychardia Syndrome (and some other random stuff that's less pertinent but definitely didn't help).

Ehlers Danlos or EDS is, to put it simply, a joint/connective tissue disorder characterized by hypermobile, super flexible yet weak joints that are prone to injury and dislocation. It comes with a plethora of comorbidities and other symptoms that aren't as relevant but still made it harder for me to work out.

Postural Orthostatic Tachychardia Syndrome, or POTS, is where your heart rate spikes when you stand from sitting or laying down, causing dizziness and blacking out. For me, it also results in chronic hypoxia- low oxygen.

During exercise, my joints were not strong enough to take it. My joints would not stay in place and this caused injury. Want to know one of the owrst things people with EDS can do? High-impact repetitive exercises. Like running. The POTS made me dizzy and weak, and I couldn't get enough oxygen to sustain the level of exertion required of me to run.

I am now not ALLOWED to run by my doctor. I'm still working on finding a way to work out that is safe for me because the truth is, most exercises are NOT safe for me. Granted, exercise in specific ways are actually helpful and considered treatment, but this is with a physical therapist and medical professionals who know how to help you work out in ways that will help and not prove to be detrimental.

Safe to say, PE class is not that.

And here's the thing. Ehlers Danlos and POTS are what are known as invisible disabilities. Unlike amputees or people whose disabilities altered the physical look of their bodies, my disabilities are all internal. But they aren't truly invisible.

My teacher could have seen the way I was white as a sheet and stumbling after attempting the mile, the way I would almost black out once I finally sat on the grass. She should have seen the way I winced as I got up from sitting every single time. She saw me limping when my kneecaps were sliding OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS as I ran (but she likely assumed I was being dramatic and faking that limp). Invisible disabilities are not truly invisible. Through the easy bruises, the never-healing injuries, the blood pooling, the pallid faces and the hyperflexible joints, the rashes and reactions, through the pain and through all the times I tried my damn hardest to vocalize these issues, it was immensely visible if someone was willing to see it or listen.

She only ever saw the issue when I started to skip class because I was getting panic attacks about attending.

The last interaction I ever had with my PE teacher was at Graduation.

We had an outdoor venue due to Covid. By then, I'd had diagnoses for Ehlers Danlos, Postural Orthostatic Tachychardia Syndrome, and various other things, and I'd been out of PE for three years (I took two years of pe freshman and sophomore year, none during junior and senior, and had one extra year for a veterinary science thing).

I had seen her during our practice round, which took place in our gym. I'd asked her about the amount of stairs at the venue and about how much standing was needed, explaining my disability to the same woman who would force me to run with it. She said she'd make sure she was there to help me through it and to find an accessible way to get through the venue.

I get to the venue and she's nowhere to be seen. I walk to the area we were told to go to, no teacher in sight to take me to any shortcuts or to keep an eye on me. I sit in the line of students on the hot concrete behind the stage (where everyone else stood) in my comfiest, most supportive shoes that clashed with my graduation dress, among the girls in their best heels.

I graduate in the same way I took PE class- without her help.

Afterwards, she finds me. After I've walked and sat on hot concrete and sweated and been dizzy and steadied myself on walls and the ground.

She says, in the most condescending voice I could possibly imagine, that I seem to have been fine without her help.

It was obvious to me. This final act, this final stretch of forced self-sufficience on my part had solidified it to her- I had never needed all the help I had seeked. All the complaining had been just that- complaining. Skipped classes were truancy. To her, I'm sure I'm long forgotten as one of the lazier students she's ever had.

I don't recall her name but I remember her face as clear as day. I remember how I felt every damn time I walked to the dressing room, the pain as I took my backpack off in the locker rooms and felt how much my back hurt from it. I remember her every time my knee crunches as I stand up from my desk chair, every time I'm out of breath. Every time my shoulder aches after tossing a stray ball to the kids across the street from my grandmother's house.

I remember how she made me feel.

I want to wave my cane in her face. I want to make her take my vitals and WATCH as the blood rushes out of my face as I stand, to WATCH as my heart rate goes from 65 resting to 120+ as I stand up. I want her to hear how my joints crack and pop and snap. I want her to see my kneecap sickeningly glide out of place and into the side of my knee. I want her to have been in the same room as my mom and I when my Cardiologist said my oxygen levels from POTS hypoxia could have been confused with that of someone in heart failure. I want her to know how I cried in the car after that appointment.

Not because I want her to be miserable and sick with guilt, but because I want to prove to her that I wasn't a liar. I wasn't faking it. i wasn't seeking attention.

But I can't do any of that, not that it would help anything if I was able to and did. All I can do is sit here and type and seethe, as my wrist pain starts to shoot into my forearm and as my hands and feet grow cold from blood pooling- I've been sitting and typing too long, and now my hand skin is mottled and my feet are growing purple with that so-called 'invisible' disability that nobody saw in me.

I don't want consolation. I don't want pity. I don't need sympathy, though I appreciate it. What I want is for this to stop happening. I want disabled people to be seen and to stop being forced to do things that are harmful to their bodies. I want for schools to stop giving a letter grade to someone's health. I want some random thirteen year old to not have to go through what I did at their age.

I WANT PEOPLE TO FUCKING LISTEN TO KIDS WHEN THEY SAY THEY'RE IN PAIN.

[vacantgodling]

💋How romantic do they expect their partner(s) to be in a relationship? Is it a deal-breaker if expectations aren’t met?

🧀What’s their cheesiest romantic fantasy? Do they want to recreate it in real life?

🗺️What are some cultural customs surrounding love and romance that they practice?

➕Do they care about people’s “body count,” or how many relationships they’ve been in?

🩹Do they often give romantic advice to their friends or family? Is it good advice?

for anyone <3

~ @void-botanist

thank you thank you!! i think i'll do more btaf bc why not :DDD i'll do my main "terrible decisions" trio sjaak + azelie + dalal (and i do preface: sjaak is the main one making bad decisions, azelie and dalal are more in a rock and a hard place type scenario most of the time but like i consider them apart of the trio cuz like. technically kinda bad decisions they've both also made lol).

💋How romantic do they expect their partner(s) to be in a relationship? Is it a deal-breaker if expectations aren’t met?

sjaak: he would expect his partner to be romantic with him, though it wouldn't be the end of the world if they were more distant. i think he would like someone who was very caring and romantic and physical, because he's kind of touch starved. but he would also be kind of weirded out by it because he's not used to constant affection so at the same time, he may be standoffish lmao. he is trying his best i prommy.

azelie: tbh it would be a deal breaker for azelie. she is a romantic (if somewhat reserved) person herself, so having a partner not interested in it wouldn't be worth her time in her opinion

dalal: she'd prefer if someone wasn't romantic, she's really not into it esp if she doesn't know you well. its something she could warm up to but if someone was like oh we don't need to be romantic she'd be like "... no shit."

🧀What’s their cheesiest romantic fantasy? Do they want to recreate it in real life?

sjaak: being married to a childhood friend cough biscella cough. and yes he was sort of banking on it happening which is why we're in this predicament (the plot) in the first place lmao

azelie: riding away on a horse into the sunset to be together. she's read it a lot in books and she thinks it's quite romantic so she'd like to do it irl.

dalal: having someone leave her tf alone and yes she'd love that irl (even though i say this i think her REAL fantasy would be finding someone who helps her rebuild her self esteem and cares about her for who she is and not what she can give. its not something she'll admit so yknow)

🗺️What are some cultural customs surrounding love and romance that they practice?

welp, cuz this is a wip set in irl (if historical) most of the traditional ideas about things are sort of baked into their ideology, at least for sjaak since he grew up human for a time. so courtship, getting married, having kids--all those things are par for the course to him and its in part why he feels such a disconnect now that he's a werewolf; he can't have any of those things anymore. at least the whole, kids aspect (bc wolves are infertile) so its a bit of a hurdle he has to get used to (and if he ever truly gets over it is debatable. i'd say not really, but by modern day he'd learned to have coped to a certain extent).

➕Do they care about people’s “body count,” or how many relationships they’ve been in?

sjaak: at first yes. because european romantic standards etc etc. he was expecting to marry someone who was virginal, and it was his plan to stay that way until he could come back to biscella. but that doesn't happen for a number of reasons.

azelie: she doesn't really have a concept of this, so no she doesn't really care generally speaking if it came to a relationship with a human or a werewolf. for vampires its different; just because she would want to know their thoughts on reproduction and if they have other children or spouses hanging around because she wouldn't really be down with certain answers to those questions.

dalal: she's literally too old to care about any of that.

🩹Do they often give romantic advice to their friends or family? Is it good advice?

for all of them FUCKING NO they're all a train wreck even if they gave advice don't listen to them they don't know what they're talking about.