#and i wish one of these birthdays that he'll finally just fucking die

[lunarsapphism]

nothing like celebrating your dads birthday in late march and being weirdly upset but not knowing why and then realizing its because your bio dad's birthday is on april 2nd and it took you almost ten years to realize that their birthdays have only been one week apart this whole time

[yowyowyaoi]

Itachi's Daily Texts from the Akatsuki, Part Two

From Kakuzu

Won't be as effective if you don't get some damn sleep.

You need to stay off of it for at least a week. I'll explain to Nagato.

How you choose to live (and die) is your own business.

Well tell him to take it easy with you. Your stamina isn't up for "extracurricular activities" like that, brat.

I'm aware. I'll deal with him later.

If you don't wish to pay it then use a candle instead of that lamp.

Once again, GO TO BED.

Your sweets consumption is appalling.

Of the three of you, I'm not sure which one worries me more. Four counting Tobi.

A gengetsu where all I have to do is sit still and money flies into my lap. Birthday present.

Your worst is likely STILL superior to his "best".

Rent is due. Utilities as well.

From Sasori

I swear your stubbornness rivals even that of Deidara's sometimes.

I'm working on a new remedy that should still the pain for much longer periods of time.

If you don't take better care of it I'll be forced to amputate. And as a warning, once I start with body modifications I find it very, very hard to stop.

SLEEP.

With as bad as your breathing sounds? The enemy would hear you coming from a mile away!

Eternal doesn't mean eternal patience.

I told him to behave himself with you or I'll take away his clay.

I wish I could help more. I truly do, child.

My thanks for the book, I'll return it within the week.

I'll admit I've thought about it but I'm not sure the sharingan would translate as well aesthetically in wood as it does in human flesh.

From Hidan

Prove it.

Mine's shorter but it's better. Not so greasy.

You'd be healed from everything if you just prayed to Jashin!!

It's a. Fucking. Fishing pole. He has like fifty! Why's he making such a big deal out of ONE?!

I did it and I'm NOT sorry.

Shit ain't my business but really isn't he too big for your sick-ass body?

Can't even tell you man.

It's not my deal but blondie looks cute as fuck when we go. Tell him I said that and I'll cut off your balls with my scythe.

You're like a fucking vampire dude. You NEVER SLEEP!

When I tried saying it Kakuzu almost knocked my head off my damn neck.

Stop being so gay and come with us. It's not like you've got shit else to do that day!

Whatever asshole.

I would rock your fucking world and I wouldn't break your ass in half like shark-dick.

Just use your creepy eyes and put him to sleep first! All we gotta do is cut off like two inches and he'll freak so bad he'll have a heart attack!

You know what? I'm gonna lend you my Jashin bible. One you read it you'll see I'm right about everything I keep telling you!

From Zetsu

You hurt his feelings, child. He said you're the only ones left of your clan and you never wish to spend time with or even speak to him.

I can smell it coming from your pores.

Time is merely an illusion.

These trips to Konoha are proving quite lengthy ...

You should probably lay low for a bit. Kakuzu finally received the credit card bill for all of those tea and dango shops.

That's a lovely idea but I doubt ALL of us could go to one place without causing some chaos.

There is no heaven and no hell. There is simply NOW, and whatever realities we choose to create for ourselves.

I believe he's started to think of himself as being your "big brother". Could be either good or bad for you.

From Deidara

Art absolutely IS a "life necessity". Heathen.

As good as friends as two assholes can be, right?

Mine got softer since I started using the eggs. It's slimy but after it sets in, it's really great.

If I wasn't goofy about Danna and EVERY OTHER man in the world died, then maybe.

Should you really be drinking?

Maybe if you went to sleep! Fucking hell you're creepier than a vampire!

Yeah but if I DID like girls I bet I'd get more than you!

I just don't get why he wears it? He's hot as FUCK without it.

Would Kisame get mad if I asked him if he wanted to come with us to the aquarium?

Just get Konan to do it. She's nice and has soft hands.

Hidan wants to but I'd rather stay home.

Yeah I could teach you but yours wouldn't explode so what's even the point??

From Konan

Thank you! I can't believe you noticed! <3

You need the fresh air, come with me for a walk.

Don't listen to him ok?

Yes and no. More so "yes".

I wish I had the time for it.

I'm almost done with that book, you have the sequel right?

It's like every single particle of dust on the road just magically finds it's way into my hair.

If you're trying to avoid back pain, I'd advise against it.

Not that I don't appreciate them but ... did you go out at one in the morning to pick them?

He talks too loud and I've already got a headache.

Thanks for letting me borrow it, Nagato's hair is much healthier now.

From Tobi/Obito

You think THAT was bad?? Try BATHING the son of a bitch!!

You, me, and Sasuke could do it though. It would be more powerful than any clan that ever existed.

Just because it tasted good did NOT mean you needed to eat that many in one sitting!

I applaud the idea but with as weak as you are right now I don't see how it could work.

He's taller than you now. Still with the short hair though.

I can see I was wrong in criticizing Fugaku's parenting style because you ARE a handful, little cousin.

Four hours of uninterrupted sleep would do you a world of good.

Why should I give that up?? It's absurdity to think that an UCHIHA has a PUPPET as a romantic rival!!

It gets so hot and itchy under this thing.

A vacation somewhere warm and quiet would be nice.

Your idea of atonement is even more fucked-up than mine.

No but HE said I had to.

I'm honestly surprised nobody has tried to kill him yet.

I wish it was so. I truly do.

It's loud but you have to admit it's better than being alone.

Come and eat.

Depends on what your definition of "helpful" is.

From Kisame

Did you eat something yet?

Did you get any sleep last night?

Come here, I drew you a bath with lavender oil.

Can I help that I legitimately worry over you?

Just a snack? Just so you have something in your stomach? Please?

The water is warm and gentle and I bet a swim would cheer you up.

I forgot how much energy they have, I ran myself ragged trying to keep up with them!

Then come let me brush that beautiful hair of yours.

I understand. I don't agree but I get it.

Then just let me kill them. Problem solved.

Come on, please, just one quick little nap. An hour max.

They invited us but I know you don't really like red meat so I said no.

Fortunately MY bed is VERY warm and cozy. Come and see.

It might shock you to learn that there are other foods besides dango and tea.

You shouldn't even have to ask, that was 1000% Deidara.

There are other, and perhaps more interesting, ways of building your stamina. <3

Never imagined that one day I'd want something like this, but here we are.

Is it a little one or a big one? If it's small just take a deep breath and use your shoe.

I love you as well but dammit brat you'll be the death of me for sure!

[hello-nichya-here]

What's your favourite godly parent/demigods child relationship? Except Percy and Poseidon cause that's too easy. What dynamic do you find the most interesting?

I love Percy and Poseidon's dynamic (especially because it led to Sally's brain going blue screen when her ex randomly showed up at her house one day to eat a birthday cake with their baby boy), but it is actually my second favorite.

Hades and Nico is my number 1 pick because it is MESSY. Like, Hades was totally in love with Nico and Bianca's mom and wanted to protect her and their babies. Then after her death, and him assuring they're hidden and safe he just... never sees his kids again, even though no one else knows they exist and thus at least checking on them wouldn't be too dangerous.

Then they're found and taken to camp half-blood, Bianca goes on a mission and dies - and Nico moves in with his dad. His dad that gives lots of cool things and awesome powers (and leading to bizarre chapter name/plot that was "Nico Buys Happy Meals For The Dead")... yet that casually says something as horrible as "I wish your sister had been the one to survive, by the way."

Yet despite this, Nico is the one who manages to talk Hades into helping the other gods win the war. BUT Hades is annoyed his son is interested in a descendent of Poseidon who just also happens to be the hero that made his life mission to annoy as many greek (and roman) gods as possible. And Nico literally admits to himself that he is constantly fighting the urge to just kick his dad in the balls and run.

And, finally, there's the scene in the catacombs. It's my favorite scene in the book, in that particular saga, and one of my favorites in everything Riordan ever wrote.

Hades just drops the act and cuts through the bullshit to give his son non-cryptic advice/answers and finally opens up a bit, full on saying that most of his kids don't have happy lives and that he wants Nico to be an exception because he cares, and Nico finds comfort in the thought that one day he'll die and be fully under his father's rule...

...And there's also the silly part of them talking about Hades's decoration choices, and both thinking "Is this dude serious or is he fucking with me?" and it ends with Hades seemingly happy about the things his son has in common with him.

Hades just goes from "Dad of the year" to "Neglectful/absent father" to "Completely awful parent that deserves to be bitch-slapped" and then back to awesome so fucking fast, is crazy, and I love every second of it. Plus, they're two of my favorite characters in the story, and Hades is my favorite god (and I mean it both in the books and in the actual myths) so I'm extremelly biased,

[anonanimal]

ok fine i'm starting on suck session s4. cumulative liveblog under the readmore

love love loveeee how we start with a meeting with the slightly more normal people presenting the branding options and roman does not care. the siblings arrive and the laptop lid gets shut and we're fully back in Their World

"here's what you have to understand. i've smoked horse"

logan's birthday party and he does not care. has all joy really fled from him? incredible

"i'm a cousin i get a plus-one i'm an honorary kid" shut the fuucckkk uupppp he's WHINING greg immediately on my shitlist

"marcia's in milan, shopping. forever" lines of dialogue to make people post 'god i wish that were me' and also make me wish marcia were here.

is tom really asking logan if he'll still be his special boy if he and shiv get divorced? hard to tell because he's having mouth diarrhea but he IS. ok he finally got to the point.

logan walking out of his own birthday party with our favorite somewhat scary goon to go to a restaurant. contemplating mortality. tells colin he's his best pal but logan roy doesn't know what a pal is anymore, colin gives short noncommittal answers because he knows better than to say anything else. volunteers one bit of personal info and logan steamrolls along. logan doesn't really want a pal. or can't be a pal even if he wants to. turned completely inward. he's going to die. even if they don't actually kill him during season four my headcanon is that his days are numbered. sorry for saying fandom terminology such as headcanon but i mean it's the word for what i mean isn't it

the way tom says "oh greg" mattmac did not have to let his voice go that deep. or maybe he did.

"karl do you have any jokes?" "frank, start. be funny." SCREAM

"who wants to smell greg's finger?" SCREAM

REFERENCE TO GREG'S GAY DAD

"congratulations on saying the biggest number you fucking morons" SCREAM this can't possibly work out for them. i love the three of them together as always though. like when they delay their meeting to ask shiv if she's ok. in their sibling relationship there's genuine love that hasn't yet been eroded.

i don't even know what to say about the shiv and tom scene i'd just be quoting the whole thing. they're so ridiculous. and sad.

aaand logan last scene. watching atn and calls a subordinate to yell at them. sad old man.

[bukatra]

Idea: Canon divergence where the Heaven Civil War thing never happens. Sam gets his soul back and Dean is so TERRIFIED that Sam's walls will break and he will die, that Dean snaps. 1 year with Sam dead, and then months with robocop. Now he finally FINALLY has the Real Sam back and he breaks. No hunting. No motels. They get an apartment and get jobs. Nothing left of their old life.

At first, Sam is ecstatic. Finally, he gets to settle down! And Dean is being SO FUCKING SWEET to him. Dean talks about his feelings, praises Sam, and is so considerate. They even get together together after crushing on each other for years. It's great! They are so in love! Dean even agrees for Sam to go back to college as long as it's online classes! But slowly things get weird. Dean finds reasons for Sam not to leave the house. Dean wants to always know what Sam’s going on and gets hella anxious if Sam isn't in touch for over an hour. He never takes it out on Sam, but he can hear Dean breaking stuff in another room or Dean comes home with bloody knuckles from punching walls. In fact, Dean's behavior toward others hasn't changed at all, or if anything gotten worse. To everyone else, he's snarky, gruff, or hostile. But to Sam, he's the sweetest kindest thing. He treats Sam like a priceless treasure, willing to do anything for Sam.

Any time Sam wants to go outside the house, Dean has a reason he doesn't need to go. Sam wants to go to the library? Dean will drive there and get it and he'll pick up some of Sam's favorite salad dressing on the way home. Sam wants to go eat out? Well, Dean was planning on cooking Sam's favorite food! Sam wanted to go for a run? They have treadmills in the den. No need to leave.

And Sam knows Dean is just scared of something breaking the wall Death set up in his mind. It's actually really sweet that he's being considerate. So when he starts putting up a fight and Dean gets this heartbroken look of terror and walks over to hug Sam and whispers "I can't lose you. I need you, Sammy." Sam can't help but crumble and give up the fight.

And if Dean's clingy, possessive, control slowly increases, demanding to know who he's emailing and texting, taking his phone, and only allowing him on the computer just for school matters, then that's understandable. And when the one time they go out to eat for Sam's birthday and a girl flirts with Sam, Dean goes full-on murder mode and Sam has to talk him down. Dean speaks to Sam in the sweetest voice, a stark contrast to the screamed threats he had thrown at the woman. And later that night, Dean goes to take out the trash and when he comes to bed later, he has blood under his nails and the trashcan is still full right where it had been. But Sam can't question him when Dean is worshiping his body and slowly making love to him so gently.

Sam knows there's something wrong but he can't seem to make it stop he’d spent a lifetime wishing for Dean to be this sweet.

Gahhhh I need more tooth rotting, frontal lobe melting, absolute sweet sweet nothing, manipulative dean type wincest fics to read..

Like I want it so sweet and SICK that it'll cause 5 big cavities that will start eating away at my molars and cost me my life savings to fix, then eventually lead to me losing all my teeth

I love my fucked up attic wife sammy <33 fics and all but where is the "I love you" and "they'll never love you like I do" and "you're my everything" after shoving him away in a dark rusty bunker ??

"You'll never get out of here" with a big goofy smile, in the softest tone ever as he ruffles sam's hair ♡ (meanwhile sam absolutely petrified and already thinking of a way to escape)((spoiler: he never will)

[shawnjacksonsbs]

A drunk mind speaks a sober heart indeed. 9-9-23

Lyrics -{ I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy

And he'll match me step for step

And I'll tell him how I've missed him

Every minute since he left

And then I'll hug his neck

Yeah, when I get where I'm going

There'll be only happy tears

I will shed the sins and struggles

I have carried all these years

And I'll leave my heart wide open

I will love and have no fear }- When I get where I'm going by Brad Paisley

"Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept something that your mind already knows" - Paulo Coelho

A couple of drinks in and . . .

Am I supposed to say that 1st? Lol

Listening to "When I get where I'm going" and the past about hugging grandpa's neck, and I want that I want it so bad.

Or "a Father's love" by George Strait . . .

I wish.

It does bother me that when I die, I won't be in a place to hug my grandparents, or to watch over my kids and grandkids as they finish on through their lives.

Growing up they way that I did, with that subtle belief, that it's real, and in a way that's comforting makes knowing different now hard at times.

On the one hand, I value more now and why, because I believe that there's nothing after this, so the here and now is far more important. Every little second is more precious than whatever thing could be holding you back from loving or forgiving or accepting forgiveness etc, etc.

Truth is sometimes hard to swallow.

Fairytales. . . Wouldn't it be cool?

I mean. . .FUCK!

Sometimes, knowing I grew up is outstanding. Other times not as much. Lol

I wish the toothfairy was still a thing. I mean I had a lot of teeth pull for my top denture plate. Not as many as a non-meth head, but still. . .a lot. Lol

. . .

That's probably enough for a less than sober Thursday, less than weeks away from my 10 years off dope birthday.

I just got some people I wish I could hug, that if only they could see me now. . .

I'd really like for each new generation to reconcile this earlier and earlier until they don't have to at all. I mean, right? It'd have to be easier on those that don't have to, like from day 1, right?

Am I upset that they sit was drilled into my head at such a young age that now that I'm older. . .

If when I die, I can't hug my grandparents. . .cause it's all bullshit. . . I guess, in that case, another saving grace for those.. . .

Off again. On again. Off again.

I need to speak, outloud, gratitude info the world, into my life.

Tomorrow, though. It's late. And still Thursday. My head keeps going,

"Oh yeah and. . ."

Enoughs enough, tho. G'night guys.

Until tomorrow, or Saturday morning maybe. 🌄

~

What I can do when I can't hug my grandparents, is hug my kid or grandkids or message or call them and say "I love you!", and how!!

Turn that perspective on its head!

Especially missing the time with my dad. With nothing after, there's no way to make up all those. . .lost. . .years.

Amends were on the way, but slow coming in the arena of real, quality time.

Man, reconcile this already. It's more than a nostalgic hurt, maybe. I don't know.

~I'm back, and debating whether or not to read, and proof the above notes from Thursday evening or just let it be.

I'm pretty sure I'm just going to allow it. Because it pressed my heart enough to write it instead of watching the t.v. with my small head change.

It is what it is, and I said what I said.

Every second here on earth is precious and should be treated as special.

And I do miss my grandparents and my dad. I imagine I always will.

Knowing that I'm not going to see them again, makes me double down on my own being full, and never letting up on those "I love yous".

Hand 'em out like candy on Halloween. If you ask me, that's not even enough.

With my actions finally matching my intent, I'm not leaving any room for doubt to those . . .that I love, even friends, and some acquaintances.

So before I go, remember that I love your love and your laughter and it's half the reason I ask you to share it every week. Please don't stop!

And special shout out Happy Birthday to my momma, who always had my back even against p.o.s and the cops! Lol

Still don't know where I'd be without ya. Love you more than you know, and thank you for everything, always.

Until next week;

"Your heart and your instincts are far more reliable than your brain. When you follow your heart, you can be sure you won't regret it later. Even if you calculate your every move, it's not like life ever goes according to plan." - Nithya Menen

Lyrics -{ When I became a father in the spring of '81

There was no doubt that stubborn boy was just like my father's son

And when I thought my patience had been tested to the end

I took my daddy's secret and I passed it on to him

… I said

Let me tell you a secret about a father's love

A secret that my daddy said was just between us

I said daddies don't just love their children every now and then

It's a love without end, amen

It's a love without end, amen

… Last night, I dreamed I'd died and stood outside those pearly gates

When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake

If they know half the things I've done, they'll never let me in

And then somewhere from the other side, I heard these words again

… And they said

Let me tell you a secret about a father's love

A secret that my daddy said was just between us

You see daddies don't just love their children every now and then

It's a love without end, amen }- Love without end, Amen by George Strait

[luckycauldron]

I'm keeping this here. What for? I don't know... but I know that I want to look back into this on a happy note. One day.

I want to remember that most of the times, things in life won't work a certain way I expect it to be - and it's fine. It is. It completely is.

I just let out a sigh as I'm writing this haha.

I mean, who am I kidding? Life has been... how do I put this into words, hm? Bitter... sweet? Mindboggling? It feels like I got punched multiple times in the most hurtful ways, but every. single. time. I kind of... managed to survive? I couldn't dodge though, so I'm left with some real ugly bruises. But they're fading, so it's fine, except for the new ones I just got HAHA.

Ok enough with the metaphor.

Now on to the real talk. This would be the first time I'm voicing out what I'm about to.

And there goes another sigh.

Back on August last year, I broke up with my longtime boyfriend - 5 years and 8 months went down the drain. It was a mutual agreement, I initiated though. The guy was a coward, so I did what I had to do. I always knew it was coming, we were like spoiled milk, what do you expect? He made me wait, maybe too taken aback with my advance. I remember one time during my suffocating wait, I was praying and silently crying in the upstairs room, holding back a scream because everyone was asleep and I ended up with the most terrible stomach cramps I've had in my entire 27 years of living. That made me stop crying abruptly, and the next thing I knew I was clutching on to the nearest table tops because I thought I was gonna die from the pain. Very dramatic. Even my cats were judging from afar. 'Ugh, when will this end', 'Make it stop', 'What an embarrassment' were evident on their evil little faces.

So then the breakup happened. It was sad, but I was mostly relieved that the spoiled milk had finally find a home - yes, the garbage dump, duh! We also had this stupid thing where we say "Let's be friends. I have a feeling we'd make the best of friends even we're no longer lovers" as a closing statement. Total cuckoo move. Can't believe Vicky was right.

To be honest it was hilarious watching myself going through my first breakup. Definitely a journey not to be missed out. I'm not gonna go into details but let me paint you a picture through the songs I associated during this 'self-discovery' phase.

Phase 1: Astrid S - It's Ok If You Forget Me

Phase 2: Taylor Swift - Tolerate It & Champange Problem

Phase 3: Billie Eilish - Happier Than Ever

Phase 4: Cokelat - Karma

Phase 5: Tulus - Hati Hati di Jalan

Yeah, I basically went through the infamous 5 stages of grief without me realizing it.

Fast forward to October. I am ashamed to admit this, but deep down I kind of expected him to wish me Happy Birthday. But of course, he didn't. Fucking asshole. Let's be friends, my ass.

Then, came December. If this was a movie, it must be the crazy sister of Denis Villeneuve's Enemy - for its next level of mindfuckery. It actually left me saying 'what the fuck?' even today, because what in the actual fuck is happening, really? I blinked and what... he got married now?

He fucking did.

Now, this was the moment where it finally came down to me that; this is it - The Grand Finale. I've had billions of scenarios I always play in my head; what's gonna happen that now we're on our own. It did occurred to me that cases like this would happen but I calculated and the chances are slim, because I was confident that I'll have it first. I'll be happy first. I'll meet someone first. And he'll live a miserable life knowing I am the best he's had. Oh, I know I am. Still, what a dick. Good luck, though.

Lesson learned: please improve on your calculation skill, it is highly unreliable. /look self in disgust/

Just around the same time when the breakup was about to happen, I was offered an opportunity in my current job for an overseas relocation. The timing was just too perfect. I couldn't say no. No, why would I say no?! This has been a lifetime dream of mine. You see, the whole year I was struggling to find the time to prep for my scholarship permits and docs with Schoters which I subscribed to but never had the time for - now I didn't have to reach so high, because this time it's handed to me on a silver platter. For once, life finally gave me what I want.

So, I agreed instantly. I didn't even have to think.

Two weeks ago, I was informed that my IPA has been issued and I should be able to fly there by early Feb. What an opener for a new year, right?! Until today happened... they told me that overseas assignment will be hold until further notice. Apparently, the project I'm handling is causing quite a loss to the Company so they want to cut costs and might opt for offshore assignment instead.

I am at loss of words.

Lesson learned: i've spent 5 minutes just thinking about this, and i still can't come up with anything good. I'll see and come back to this on end Feb. Fingers crossed everything's settled by then.

Yep, that's all I want to say.

Before I end this entry, I want to put here these very cute pictures of me and my 10+ years girl friends, as reminder that nothing is or will be too bleak with them around.

[jumbledofthoughts]

#2

I'm keeping this here. What for? I don't know... but I know that I want to look back into this on a happy note. One day.

I want to remember that most of the times, things in life won't work a certain way I expect it to be - and it's fine. It is. It completely is. Trust me.

I just let out a sigh as I'm writing this haha.

I mean, who am I kidding? Life has been... how do I put this into words, huh? Bitter... sweet? Mindboggling? It feels like I got punched multiple times in the most hurtful ways, but every. single. time. I kind of... managed to survive? I couldn't dodge though, so I'm left with some real ugly bruises. But they're fading, so it's fine, except for the new ones I just got HAHA.

Ok enough with the metaphor.

Now on to the real talk. This would be the first time I'm voicing out what I'm about to.

Yep, there goes another sigh.

Back on August last year, I broke up with my longtime boyfriend - 5 years and 8 months went down the drain. It was a mutual agreement, I initiated though. The guy was a coward, so I did what I had to do. I always knew it was coming, we were like spoiled milk, what do you expect? He made me wait, maybe too taken aback with my advance. I remember one time during my suffocating wait, I was praying and silently crying in the upstairs room, holding back a scream because everyone was asleep and I ended up with the most terrible stomach cramps I've had in my entire 27 years of living. That made me stop crying abruptly, and the next thing I knew I was clutching on to the nearest table tops because I thought I was gonna die from the pain. Very dramatic.

So then the breakup happened. It was sad, but I was mostly relieved that the spoiled milk had finally find a home - yes, the garbage dump, duh! We also had this stupid thing where we say "Let's be friends. I have a feeling we'd make the best of friends even we're no longer lovers" as a closing statement. Total cuckoo move. Can't believe Vicky was right.

To be honest it was hilarious watching myself going through my first breakup. Definitely a journey not to be missed out. I'm not gonna go into details but let me paint you a picture through the songs I associated during this 'self-discovery' phase.

Phase 1: Astrid S - It's Ok If You Forget Me

Phase 2: Taylor Swift - Tolerate It & Champange Problem

Phase 3: Billie Eilish - Happier Than Ever

Phase 4: Cokelat - Karma

Phase 5: Tulus - Hati Hati di Jalan

Yeah, I basically went through the infamous 5 stages of grief without me realizing it.

Fast forward to October. I am ashamed to admit this, but deep down I kind of expected him to wish me Happy Birthday. But of course, he didn't. Fucking asshole. Let's be friends, my ass.

Then, came December. If this was a movie, it must be the crazy sister of Denis Villeneuve's Enemy - for its next level of mindfuckery. It actually left me saying 'what the fuck?' even today, because what in the actual fuck is happening, really? I blinked and what... he got married now?

He fucking did.

Now, this was the moment where it finally came down to me that; this is it - The Grand Finale. I've had billions of scenarios I always play in my head; what's gonna happen that now we're on our own. It did occurred to me that cases like this would happen but I calculated and the chances are slim, because I was confident that I'll have it first. I'll be happy first. I'll meet someone first. And he'll live a miserable life knowing I am the best he's had. Oh, I know I am. Still, what a dick. Good luck, though.

Lesson learned: please improve on your calculation skill. It is highly unreliable. /look self in disgust/

Just around the same time when the breakup was about to happen, I was offered an opportunity in my current job for an overseas relocation. The timing was just too perfect. I couldn't say no. No, why would I say no?! This has been a lifetime dream of mine. You see, the whole year I was struggling to find the time to prep for my scholarship permits and docs with Schoters which I subscribed to but never had the time for - now I didn't have to reach so high, because it's handed to me on a silver platter.

So, I agreed instantly. I didn't even have to think.

Two weeks ago, I was informed that my IPA has been issued and I should be able to fly there by early Feb. What an opener for a new year, right?! Until today happened... they told me that overseas assignment will be hold until further notice. Apparently, the project I'm handling is causing quite a loss to the Company so they want to cut costs and might opt for offshore assignment instead.

I am at loss of words.

Lesson learned: i've spent 5 minutes just thinking about this, and i still can't come up with anything good. I'll see and come back to this on end Feb.

Yep, that's all I want to say.

Before I end this, I want to put here these very cute pictures of me and my 10+ years girl friends, as reminder that nothing is or will be too bleak with them around.

[msgrumpygills]

Social Media Anon Here!

Firstly, never change Grumpy ;) you are probably the only person on Tumblr to LISTEN to another view and let it change a prejudice.

Secondly, the Padagram/Social Media change bus continues. Don't be fooled people will be looking at positive and negative reactions to that change on social media.

So here goes!

1. They are starting to market season 2 of Walker in Hiatus. That really doesn't happen. That means they know they need to target new viewers. They are acknowledging they have a problem. The main problem is Jared either didn't learn enough about production quality on SPN (Jensen/Misha were both more interested in behind the camera's) or that he thought he could stick a Stetson on and we all had such sh1t for brains we'd watch anything. So they need a viewer boost DESPARATELY and are going all out to (a) persuade Walkers remaining viewer(s) that it's worth sticking around and (b) get back old viewers or convert 1m+ viewers to season 2. So now we see all the cast (and Keegan has more followers than Jared and Lindsay has a VERY engaged following) trying to persuade their followers how fabulous Walker is. Expect this scrabbling to continue if they want their COVID paychecks.

2. Connected to 1, Jared has started trying to break out of the fandom bubble. I don't think he's trying for power couple (the clue in a power couple is that two FAMOUS people get together and create a super brand, here we have one niche C famous guy and a hanger on wife), I think we are in Jared profile raising and trying to raise his recognition score, which is probably a little low having half assed it in the last year and a half. He's doing it by scatter-gunning so I'm not sure it's going to stick.

3. Connected to 2,

(i) if I run my algorithm clean laptop with a "Jared Padalecki" news search, I get (a) a daily mail article on Jared "clarifying the rift" (b) a "hello" magazine saying he's been "inundated with support after death of "family member"" (c) the new york times article on Walker and Supernatural. It then goes into a variety of articles about Jared raising money for Holly's family (fucking atrocious in my view to use her death for publicity) and a series of derivative articles on his mantrum and later explanation. ONLY THE NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE MENTIONS WALKER other than as a throw away, all of the others link to Supernatural only. Walker isn't on the main radar of anyone as a show. It's not mainstream enough to mention. it has ZERO buzz.

(ii) if I run the same search on my compromised tablet, I get a SEA of fluff articles "jared padalecki goes to venice", "jared padalecki's wife wishes him a happy birthday" "jared padalecki goes to watch soccer" "jared padalecki goes to the wrestling". I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow.

At the end of that I get the same articles as in (i) but the majority of his publicity is still going through the fandom and the, not very viewed, endless zine type websites that update on every episode of every geek show every day.

So we are seeing, and I expect it to continue, a break out Padalecki, (who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films), and a fluff Padalecki, trying to stay relevant a year after SPN relevance ended, because he hasn't got the same push for season 2 of Walker as he had for season 1 and Walker has zero presence. No one, not even the fans are talking about Walker.

Will it work? I don't think so. Keegan has 7m followers on Insta and that's because he's a photographer and writer and it's interesting. I would follow his account (I don't), but certainly it isn't a Walker instagram.

Jared is a clever guy, but he's boring on social media. He has a limited appeal. He does family snaps, hunk snaps, flogs orange pee and flogs his show. He says "family" and "mantra" a lot but that's really it. The clue is, if you didn't know who he was and came across his instagram you wouldn't follow him. Why would you? For a video of a guy running up steps? A smug picture of two middle aged men trying to flog you something?... (oh and lots of "brother" comments on Keegan's social media, which is irritating. It's like he thinks that is his repeatable formula and it isn't).

His media approach won't work because advertising and exposure pushes a product. In TV's case, it's not a one off product and there is a lot of competition. Product Jared needs to be more interesting (his mantrum's are the only exciting thing about him - and that is tragic) and his TV show just needs to be BETTER, well, a LOT BETTER.

Soooo, expect the Padapush to continue, but it's not about a couple, it's about individual marketing and for Jared breaking out of SPN bubble. For Gen, it's her tag along profile that she'll never break out of. She'll have to be satisfied with her superpower of being able to persuade people to buy toothbrush's and dog food (if she can).

Expect though the couple's bit to die off a little. Jared is getting over exposed. His engagement rating is plummeting (nearly 3% is a plummet) because of the repetitive photo content. He'll have to back off or people will switch off (I have already). What makes me laugh is.... from the dawn of time when cavemen took their wives 2 miles away for a new cave weekend.... NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOLIDAY SNAPS.... Gen and Jared apparently need to learn that lesson...

I might stop these posts now because, well, it's gotta be a bit boring for you and I write LONG. :)

Stay safe and wear your masks ;) xxx

I don’t want you to ever ever change, lovely! Also, I’m NEVER bored by your messages! You put so much effort into the research you do and the messages you send and it’s appreciated! <3 

I started following Lindsey on IG because she seems pretty genuine, and her cat is way too cute! Plus, I like her attitude. I haven’t followed her for the whole Walker season, but even she doesn’t post a lot about it. She posts interviews and then posts about that night’s episode, but other than that, nothing.  Can’t speak for Keegan, but how are fans and non-fans supposed to be excited about a show when the people STARRING in the show can’t be bothered? Maybe they’re all aware of how shitty it is or maybe they’re lazy, but it doesn’t make sense. 

I’m always interested to see the difference in an “algorithm-free” setting and one that has an algorithm. I always figured Google was the same for everyone, but seeing the difference in articles you’ve outlined is insane. It really just goes to show that Jared isn’t the star that his stans think he is. He’s not as important as they think he is, he’s just an actor.  It’s even more jarring to see just how little Walker is talked about at all. All of my devices probably have been “contaminated” when it comes to algorithm so I can’t really speak personally about the public and fans talking about Walker or not talking about it. I can say that on the posts about Walker from the Supernatural Facebook page, a good chunk of the comments are people saying they stopped watching, never got into it, or thought it was trash. There are only a handful of comments talking about how they enjoy the show. 

I think it was disgusting for him to use a fan’s passing for publicity. And no, I don’t think it was anything other than a PR stunt. Her family had a GFM going that was promoted by plenty of the case INCLUDING GEN, so you know he knew about it. But for him to make his own special one and then have articles posted everywhere about how charitable he is? That’s gross PR bullshit and I hope it backfires. 

I still follow a few Supernatural fans, Jared fans, Jensen fans, etc. on Tumblr and even they aren’t mentioning it. I think maybe the hardcore Jared stans post gifsets or whatever, but I don’t see much praise for the show itself, just Jared’s looks. Even the fans aren’t biting and that would make me reevaluate everything if I was Jared. 

I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow. This made me laugh way too hard!

who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films You are on a ROLL!  Maybe I’ve become biased, but I can’t see Jared doing films. I mean, I could see him doing like a side character role or something small, but I can’t see him having a big part of a movie. Like I said, maybe that’s me being biased but I see him staying in TV. I could be proven wrong, but I don’t know. 

I agree about Jared being boring on SM. I used to get some giggles from his Twitter posts and even some of his early IG posts because they were goofy, clever, and candid. It showed his humor and was more personable. Now it’s just all fake and comes off as someone whose only motivation to engage with fans is money and that’s a big turn off. 

For me personally, I think that if instead of the “couple goals” bullshit that they try to push for their lavish trips, if they just posted cool pictures they took of different locations, activities, food or whatever, that would be more palatable than all the “Look at my hubster and I! We’re in Italy! Look at how in love we are!” But maybe that’s because I’ve become a bit of a photography nerd? 

I guess time will tell whether or not Jared will make positive changes and if Walker can be saved, but I’m not really optimistic about it. 

I AM optimistic about your takes on things so keep them coming! Long posts or not, I love them! <3

[crue6xx]

Unexpected........soft but not

------------------------------------

Type:Fluffy

Pairing:Vince×Reader

------------------------------------

You love motley crue, you always get tickets to shows and go to whiskey a go go and clubs, vinces voice was so mesmerising, you loved it.

Although one night your grandmother stumbled upon a book of yours, of course it had to be your old diary just from a couple years back when you and your prime time of obsession with Motley Crue, you still are but this one was in depth about Vince and your love for him, you know your grandma also likes Motley Crue so as a birthday gift because as it was coming up soon, about a month or so but she decided to buy you backstage passes to a Motley Crue show.

You obviously had no idea about it which wasn't a bad thing also wasn't exactly a good thing the reason happened to be unexpected but it surely happened, skip to last night well you had a couple drinks the rainbow Bar and Grill it was pretty nice you were getting a bit more Tipsy then you planned but you could still see just a bit blurry, a guy with white blonde sort of bushy hair walked up to you introduce himself is Vince, you weren't drinking a bit more now getting a bit more Tipsy things a bit harder to remember or kind of getting blurrier.

You played it off like he was just some guy trying to get your number that you didn't want to go home with, but you didn't want your grandma to see you come home drunk it kind of out of your mind last time that happened you messed up big-time and almost burned the house down but let's not talk about that, back to what was really happening at the bar. " hey I'm Vince nice to meet you how do you do?", looking over from your drink, you " hi I'm doing just fine".

" no-name huh, looks like you're hard to get but me being the guy am I'm pretty sure I don't need to do much explaining do I?".

Still pretty drunk unable to recognize who the hell you're talking to you're blurred out these words a bit loudly " what the hell do you mean, I have never met you in my entire life what makes you think I want to go home with you".

" well then I guess I'll have to try harder" a smug smile exhibited his face " you heard the song Kickstart My Heart?", " fuck yea, who the hell hasn't".

" does the name Vince ring a bell?" He was clearly hinting, still he the hell do you not notice your idol, love of your life? " nah, I don't think so if you say you're trying hard you're not doing too good buddy" you said sipping your iced Martin, Vince clearly cringed at the fact that you called him "Buddy".

" without you in my life I'd slowly Wilt and die but with you by my side you're the reason I'm alive" Vince sung.

Your eyes and now just realizing exactly who you're talking to you yell these three words "HOLY FUCKING SHIT" Vince's smug face happily and easily turned into a smile that you finally noticed who the fuck you're talking to.

" well now that you know, I'm pretty sure you came here alone for number one and number two you're drunk out your mind if you didn't notice me number three you can't drive a car right now so I could take you home unless you don't want anyone to see this crazy drunk but your choice just offering" vince said in a manner knowing he scored .

" oh my God, you Vince Neil. Just ask me. Some random crazy ass girl. To go home with you!?!?!?!"

" what do you fucking think?" He smirked.

" well he'll fucking yeah, Nikki Tommy and Mick with you?" Hooing fir a yes and a no at the same time

" not tonight, that's weird but not tonight".

After reading go home with him to the apartment you thought it was just going to be a quick hookup and then you leave which you didn't mind cuz it's Vince fucking Neil but at the same time you wish it was more because it's not just I want to have sex with him you want to fall in love it's clearly you know will never happen which is the sad part and makes you want to crumble up into a ball and die but fear not I guess you never know Vince is surprising but at the same time groupies is his ultimate favorite, just like a princess who needs a prince but this is not the way it goes cuz we know how the story goes.

When Vince finally parked at the apartment you weren't dazzled it definitely wasn't as nice as your house for a heavy metal star but it was nice enough they were still kind of struggling and didn't feel like buying a new place plus it's OG Motley house the band grew up here, after walking up the rickety stairs you walked in, the smell of alcohol cigarettes and small burn marks on the carpet made Vince want to clean for once in his life.

He told you to wait on the couch just walked into his room you had no fucking idea what he was doing he told you to wait on the couch if he walked into his room you add note walking idea what you was doing but you said couch he told you to wait on the couch if he walked into his room you add note walking idea what you was doing but you said couch waited he told you to wait on the couch if he walked into his room you add note walking idea what you was doing but you waiting on the couch.

Vince walked out with a robe, expecting him to take it off you're a bit preppy, because secretly no one really knows but you're a virgin you don't like saying it makes you sound so basic you don't know how but it just does you don't want to ruin the moment.

" follow me" Vince culling his finger with a smirk you got up at demand you don't know why but it was very attractive even though people found it a bit rude specially to treat a woman like that who gave a damn is Vince goddamn Neil he was hot and you already there you can't do anything about it anyway so, getting up from the couch he followed him slowly into his room, he shares a room with Tommy they both have one side of the room which is split by sheet hung up from the ceiling pinned up by Staples, you walk past the sheets and sea candles aligned around the bed just for some decoration.

You expecting them to immediately push you onto the bed instead he told you to lay down your stomach flat on the bed, you removed your shirt without him even asking you to do so , now faced down on your stomach on the bed Vince crabs some essential oils and put it onto your back it was warm he started to massage your back they give you hickeys on your neck the trails of kisses behind your ear and tight friction oh, he has no shirt but he's wearing a sort of Speedo type underwear that's pretty tight but also flexible.

" you know I know you, you're always in the front row at every show in this town, you're always on some fan page about Motley Crue mostly me though oh, why is that?" Vince sais calmly.

" I've always love Motley Crue, but the first time I saw a picture of you I literally died at the site love your rocking body".

" I'm going to take this slow, I'm not going to give you what you want you're not a groupie you got some girl just looking for a quick hookup, your girl looking for something more, I don't get that alot, so we're going to take things not my way not your way just away from what you expected, maybe next time" he said in a rough scrappy hot voice while massaging your back.

" I'm perfectly fine with that, you know I really do enjoy this more than just a quick hookup" you say fully satisfied with the feeling of vinces hands and the oil rubbing on your back.

After you were fully satisfied what's the massage he lied beside you shirtless, after a quick breath of relief you sit up on the head of the bed propped up on a pillow half under the covers, Vince blows out the candles.

Vince doesn't know exactly what to do neither do you you both are really know what exactly taking it slow is but first step is already done but you don't know what to do afterwards so you just sitting in bed both silent trying to figure out what to talk about what to do and how to do it wow still going slow.

" do you want to spoon?" You say offering to be the small spoon, " already a step ahead of you guess you just said it first" Vince said wrapping his arma around you.

" I know we just met feels like I've known you for a while I'm not sure why this just feels right if this is what love feels like I'm in for a long happy ride".

Those words melted your heart, he kissed you play with your hair left hickeys almost everywhere but not below your waist because as you both agreed you were going slow but you wondered how long you were going to keep it slow because to be honest you were a bit impatient cuz I mean you've had a crush on Vince for so long not that it's an issue that you got a massage from him get to come to his apartment and snuggle and Spoon but still you didn't want to keep it slow for too long.

" I think well.... I sound crazy I know I do but... I think I love you" Vince forced himself to blurt.

" I've always wanted to hear that but that's only because I had a crush on you for how you looked, got even more now you sound nowhere near crazy to me...... I think I love you too"

" man me and you so crazy ass motherfuckers, I guess taking it slow as the right way finally met someone that I can connect with been a while since that".

" it's funny, you were never this emotional whenever I saw you in interviews and such wow it's truly a soft guy"

" well you'd be surprised, I truly am soft guy it's hard to admit although I am pretty rough around the edges I am soft guy a little bit on the inside"

" well it was very unexpected, I thought you just wanted a quickie I was wrong we're taking it slow I guess I don't mind as much but I'm still a little bit impatient to be honest"

" I think when I said taking it slow I didn't mean we had to wait days he'll it could have been 15 minutes I wouldn't mind" vince smirked moving his hand up your thigh still while spooning you.

" well then I guess tonight have some more unexpected territories to explore I say you've done enough of the slow what do you say?"

" what do you fucking think?'

" still unexpected hot soft but not"

[muse--memes]

Hopeless Fountain Kingdom sentence starters

"He said one day I'd realize why I don't have any friends."

"I find myself alone at night unless I'm having sex."

"He can make me golden."

"I don't let him touch me anymore."

"I'm not something to butter up and taste when you get bored."

"I have spent too many nights on dirty bathroom floors."

"Please don't go away."

"It's too late."

"I can't stop thinking that I almost gave you everything."

"Now the whole thing's finished and I can't stop wishing that I never gave you anything."

"You wrote 100 letters just for me and I find them in my closet in the pockets of my jeans."

"Now I'm constantly reminded of the time I was 19."

"He said 'please don't go away',I said 'it's too late.'"

"I almost gave you everything."

"I can't stop wishing that I never gave you anything."

"I know how to play, I know this game."

"It's all the same."

"He'll never stay, they never do."

"If I keep my eyes closed, he feels just like you."

"You've been replaced."

"I'm face to face with someone new."

"Would've gave it all for you."

"Tell me where I went wrong."

"Tell me how to move on."

"They don't realize that I'm thinking about you."

"Can you hear my heartbeat fucking kickin'?"

"You best believe that I got something on my sleeve."

"I walk my talk, no time for wishful thinking."

"You thought that you were the boss tonight, but I can put up one good fight."

"I can put on a show."

"This is Heaven in hiding."

"I don't have no time for conversation."

"A girl like me is new for you."

"I can tell you mean it cause you're shaking."

"I'm Heaven in hiding."

"He tried to phone me, but I never have time."

"He said that I never listen, but I don't even try."

"Everywhere I go, I got a million different people tryna' kick it."

"I'm still alone in my mind."

"Baby, as soon as you meet me, you'll wish that you never did."

"I got into some trouble with that drink in my veins."

"I got a problem with parties 'cause it's loud in my brain."

"I can never say sorry 'cause I won't take the blame."

"I know I always go missing."

"You ask why I'm distant,oh, I'm runnin' away."

"I know you're dying to meet me."

"I know you wanna slip under my armor."

"I don't wanna fight right now."

"Been through the ups and the downs with me."

"Got a whole lot of love, but you don't wanna spread it 'round with me."

"Never pick up, never call me."

"You know we're runnin' out of time."

"Need to know that you're mine."

"I want you to love me now or never."

"I'm callin' it a night now."

"Wishin' you were 'round with me, but you're in a different town than me."

"We've been through it all, but you could never spit it out for me."

"Tryna talk to a wall, but you could never tear it down for me."

"I need you to make your mind up."

"I've missed your calls for months it seems."

"Don't realize how mean I can be."

"I can sometimes treat the people that I love like jewelry."

"I didn't mean to try you on."

"I still know your birthday and your mother's favorite song."

"Sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me."

"Sorry I could be so blind."

"Didn't mean to leave you and all of the things that we had behind."

"I run away when things are good."

"Never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me, in ways that no one ever could."

"So it seems I broke your heart, my ignorance has struck again."

"I failed to see it from the start, and tore you open 'til the end."

"Someone will love you, but someone isn't me."

"There's a place where love conquers all."

"Don't trust the moon, she's always changing."

"The shores bend and break for her and she begs to be loved."

"Nothing here is as it seems."

"Sun is coming up."

"I get the message, you wish I was dead."

"Please don't take this as a threat."

"If you don't love me no more, then lie."

"I'm about four minutes from a heart attack."

"I think you make me a maniac."

"We both been here since we seventeen."

"Here we go, fist fight in a limousine."

"We both hope there's something, but we both keep fronting."

"Damn, if these walls could talk."

"I ain't your baby no more."

"Told my new roommate not to let you in."

"Got a boy back home in Michigan and it tastes like Jack when I'm kissing him."

"I never really liked his friends."

"Now he's gone and he's calling me a bitch again."

"He wants me in the kitchen with a dinner plate."

"I believe that we're meant to be."

"Jealousy gets the best of me."

"I don't mean to frustrate, but I always make the same mistakes."

"I'm bad at love."

"You can't blame me for trying."

"I'd be lyin' sayin' you were the one that could finally fix me."

"Got a girl with California eyes, and I thought that she could really be the one this time."

"I never got the chance to make her mine."

"She fell in love with little thin white lines."

"We never told no one, but we look so cute."

"Both got way better things to do."

"I always think about her when I'm riding through."

"I'm in too deep."

"I don't mean to frustrate."

"I always make the same mistakes."

"I'm bad at love, but you can't blame me for trying."

"You were the one."

"I know that you're afraid I'm gonna walk away."

"I know that you're afraid I'm gonna walk away each time the feeling fades."

"I don't give a damn what you say to me."

"There ain't no time for games with me."

"I'm moving on."

"I am not the type to be out past dawn."

"Can't fuck up my vibe."

"Motherfucker, don't play with me."

"Women don't play no games."

"She doesn't kiss me on the mouth anymore."

"It's more intimate, than she thinks we should get."

"She doesn't look me in the eyes anymore, too scared of what she'll see."

"We're not lovers, we're just strangers."

"She doesn't call me on the phone anymore."

"She doesn't let me have control anymore."

"I must've crossed a line, I must've lost my mind."

"When I wake up all alone, and I'm thinking of your skin, I remember what you told me."

"I miss the mornings with you laying in my bed."

"I miss the thought of a forever, you and me."

"All you're missing is my body."

"We're not lovers, we're just strangers with the same damn hunger to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all."

"I woke up to another mess in the living room."

"Conversation's getting hard."

"Nobody seems to ask about me anymore, and nobody seems to care 'bout anything I think."

"Everybody, look at me!"

"I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire."

"I'm standin' in the ashes of who I used to be."

"I used to be a darling starlet like a centerpiece, had the whole world wrapped around my ring."

"It's my own anxiety that makes the conversation hard."

"Nobody ever cares 'bout anything I think."

"I should eat my feelings."

"I still let everyone down."

"I'm too much to handle, I shine too bright."

"I don't wanna wake it up; the devil in me."

"Boy, you make it look so easy."

"Promise that I'm gonna call you back in five."

"Yeah, I've known that girl for like my whole life."

"The truth hurts, but secrets kill."

"Still here, there must be something real."

"You know the good die young, but so did this."

"It must be better than I think it is."

"Gimme those eyes, it's easy to forgive."

"You and all your friends all hate me."

"You're better when I'm not around."

"I can't help the way you made me."

"The good die young, but so did this, so it must be better than I think it is."

"I hope hopeless changes over time."