#and i wish it were me so badly

[stvpidcvntboi]

not a horny post lol i’m just emotional and under a red moon if you catch my drift

[lazylittledragon]

i keep trying to think of funny/poetic ways to talk about all the things i'm feeling right now but i honestly can't so. i'm really sad about what happened with my partner. i know he was an inconsiderate prick about it and that i didn't do anything wrong and i couldn't have prevented it but i'm just really fucking sad.

[astral-herald]

Jayce Talis' Joycean Epiphany

Tracking the textual similarities between James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and Jayce's character journey, specifically in Arcane season 2, episode 7.

As time goes on, my appreciation for Jayce's arc only grows, and I think episode 7 captures the best of the showrunners' narrative concision and cohesion. Within that perfect storm I noticed a lot of similarities between Jayce and James Joyce's main character, Stephen Dedalus, who spends the 1916 classic shedding attachments to the material world in pursuit of ultimate freedom, including monikers of creed and country and friendship, captured in his famous epiphany.

This isn't a perfect mapping, but comparing Stephen's epiphany to Jayce's meeting with Mage Viktor is pretty enlightening/interesting! More below!

The Joycean Epiphany

Stephen Dedalus' epiphany occurs in the last third (ish) of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and happens as follows: Stephen, consumed with anxiety, loneliness, and confusion about his place in the world, finds himself wandering toward the ocean. He steps knee-deep inside and sees the figment of a woman out of reach, who he describes as a "strange and beautiful seabird" who awakens him to "the wild heart of life." The Bird Woman inspires Stephen to shake off material attachments to nationality and religion, as well as to break off personal relationships in order to arrive at his true self, which he must do in isolation. This is the most egregiously brief synopsis possible...

Jayce's journey in Arcane does, in fact, follow a very normal, non-epiphanic arc in general; I'm not merging Stephen and Jayce together here. Instead I want to call attention to the visual cues and specific plot points that truly give me pause and think/hope they were intentionally building this parallel.

The Irish Coastline, the Undercity Grey

In Portrait, there is great emphasis attached to the sea's physicality as Stephen enters the waters. He's permeated a barrier as the tide wrestles with him:

"In a few moments he was barefoot...and, picking a pointed salteaten stick out of the jetsam among the rock, he clambered down the slope of the breakwater."

Jayce also permeates, with a lot of struggle, pain, and anguish, a physical barrier/obstacles - the Grey, which we see as a thick green miasma throughout the Undercity in this timeline, and the Fissures he's fallen into. Interestingly enough, Jayce also has a pointed stick that's figuratively eaten by the Anomaly. Not salt, by any means, but each character takes up a damaged implement at the onset of their journey.

The Epiphanic Figures

In Portrait, Stephen is drawn into the water towards the woman who inspires his epiphany: "A girl stood before him in midstream, alone and still, gazing out to sea."

Within the Grey, Jayce encounters Viktor as the mage, staring at him with his face obscured. When he turns and leaves, he prompts Jayce into action, thus spurring the epiphany, the necessary movement through the Grey.

Upon his approach, Stephen describes his epiphanic woman: Her long fair hair was girlish, and touched with the wonder of mortal beauty, her face..."

"...and when she felt his presence and the worship of his eyes her eyes turned to him in quiet sufferance of his gaze, without shame or wantonness."

In Portrait, Stephen never reaches his Bird Woman; she remains out of reach, just like his ultimate freedom will remain until he commits to his quest for self-discovery. Similarly, Jayce and Mage Viktor never touch, despite Viktor and Jayce's established physical intimacy.

The Quest

Stephen spends the remainder of Portrait systematically shedding what he feels are restraints to his true self. If you haven't read Portrait, there is a lot, a lot, a LOT of syncretic philosophies wedged inside, Platonic, Aristotelean, Aurelian, etc., to showcase Stephen coming into his own intellectually and emotionally. But the way he describes this quest, when speaking to his best friend, Cranly, is key when comparing him to Jayce:

"You made me confess the fears that I have. But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too."

Jayce, inspired by his own Bird Woman, the Mage, sets out on his quest of ultimate solitude, wherein he traumatically relives his past mistakes.

But now, with Mage Viktor's wisdom and an understanding of what's to come, Jayce finally becomes a powerful and independent force. He doesn't rely on his betters or outside approval. He attacks Mel for her past treatment of himself and Viktor as tools/investments for her will. He will leave behind the comfort and privilege of his old life. In order to do what needs to be done to save Piltover, Jayce is willing to make those mistakes, to sustain on his own, etc., when he was never willing to do so before.

"Alone, Quite Alone"

Nobody asked, but my favorite scene in Portrait is the last dialogue between Stephen and Cranly, whom Stephen frequently describes as his closest friend, and whose opposition to Stephen's departure he considers the most. Try as he might to be sympathetic, Cranly struggles to understand why Stephen can't relent and warns him of what will happen to Stephen if he takes on his quest: "And to not have any one person...who would be more than a friend, more even than the noblest and truest friend a man ever had."

Cranly tells Stephen that "you need not look upon yourself as driven away...or as a heretic or an outlaw." He invites him to stay, to return.

And Stephen is grieved by this: "A voice spoke softly to Stephen's lonely heart, bidding him go and telling him that his friendship was coming to an end..."

"...Yes; he would go. He could not strive against another. He knew his part."

In killing Viktor as the Herald, Jayce has fully accepted loneliness and the necessary suffering it incurs on others. Guided by Mage Viktor, his own Bird Woman epiphany, he plays his part in the fate set before him.

In this moment, the Herald Viktor is Jayce's Cranly: "Stephen watched [Cranly's] face for some moments in silence. A cold sadness was there..."

"...He had spoken of himself, of his own loneliness which he feared."

*To note, Stephen's epiphanic realization amounts to isolation for his own benefit, whereas Jayce endures isolation and commits these "mistakes" (killing Viktor) for the greater good - very important difference!

Regaining Cranly

This same idea comes across every time I post about Arcane season 2: subversive endings. And while my opinion of the season has been on the downturn, I will never cheapen the shock and awe of the Mage Viktor reveal, and I will always find new ways to break it down and appreciate it.

In Portrait, Stephen leaves Ireland, his religion, and his loved ones behind. Stephen asks Cranly to clarify what he means by his talk of loneliness: "'Of whom are you speaking?' Cranly did not answer." In the essential modernist way, Stephen seeks out the independent soul amidst the masses.

Jayce, meanwhile, uses his newfound autonomy and sense of self for the greater good. He followed his epiphanic figure as Stephen did, and abandoned his Cranly, for a higher goal than self actualization.

And that's where this comparison just about falls apart.

Because Jayce and Viktor are "inextricably bound," the fundamental crux of the epiphany - its independence - isn't possible. Jayce guides his Cranly away from "his own loneliness which he feared." He invites Viktor to partake in his epiphany and they complete the quest together.

the end <3

I'm excited about this comparison! And I know I'm offering a very cursory read of Portrait here. I actually wrote about it for my latest conference CFP so it's fresh on the mind. And a lot of these comparisons can be chalked up to Joyce's just General Narrative Influence, that he refined this exact mode of quest -> self discovery -> loneliness, but we're here to have fun, not to submit to a journal lol.

[questerine]

i’m listening to this beautiful edit of mizisua + ivantill cure together and it made me realize how gently sua and mizi are singing in comparison to ivantill. they never had to shout to make their love known, because it was always requited. ivan and till have to shout at eachother in the final chorus because their feelings for eachother will always be unrequited.

[catscidr]

NEED MORE OFFICE DOTTORE PLEAAAAADE HBAUBGUDUHFIBOND

i. note — he’s my guilty pleasure im sry i js CRAVE this mf twenny four/seven ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ ) </3 ii. includes — dottore, afab! reader but no gendered pronouns are used iii. cw — im rambling again heyyy what's new. office setting/modern au, dottore is kinda creepy, implied stalking, obsessive behaviour, their feelings are mutual but dottore comes off too strong and reader is a bit dense, mention of periods, drinking/alcohol, implied drugging (but nothing happens). this sounds bad but its tame he's just a weirdo with a crush and is weird about said crush Trust Me

thinking about office senior! dottore using his status in the company to butt in and work on projects that you’ve been assigned. him slowly but surely worming his way into your life ever since he got a taste of you, unable to let you just be a fling, a one-time thing. he just has to ruin you in every way

he would definitely be sooo aware of your steadily blooming crush on him and would use it against you to then tease you to hell and back. this man knows how to toy with people! he’ll most definitely toy with you!!!

lingering touches bordering on unprofessional but still friendly if you squint, going out of his way to ask your opinion on things during a crowded meeting n putting you on the spot, stepping into the elevator at the same time as you to trap you n initiate small talk……

of course said “small talk” is always… a little weird… when it’s with zandik. he doesn’t talk about the weather, stocks, or whatever mundane task you were working on right before you went on lunch break.

no, he’ll talk about things he shouldn’t know about you, things he’d only know if you told him about them, or things that are just a little too… personal? but maybe you’re being a little uptight. maybe you just… don’t remember telling him some things about yourself. it’s not like he’s talking about anything super outrageous or controversial anyways, it’s fine.

“eating instant noodles every day for dinner isn’t good for you, it’s most likely the reason why you get such bad cramps during your cycle. i would recommend adding some leafy greens to your servings at the very least, or some tofu to help with your iron intake.”

what a weirdo…. but hey, he’s kinda right, maybe you should eat more balanced meals so you don’t keel over anytime soon.

office senior! dottore also often does creepy things but in a nice way? if that makes sense?

for example, when the team is brought out for drinks to celebrate another successful project, he’ll make sure to be the only one sitting next to you. you’ll be squished against the wall and his shoulder, beer in hand, your cheeks burning from the alcohol and the proximity between you two

he’ll keep an eye on you and your alcohol tolerance, but not in the way you think he will. he’ll encourage you to drink more, “you seem tense. here, here’s a refill” he’d say in that smooth voice of his. “oh? you’re stumbling on your words, are your nerves still acting up? have my drink.”

and once you get to the point where you’re leaning over the table, head resting on your arms, only then will he start to actually take care of you.

he’ll place one hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles to help ground you from your dizziness. scold you for drinking so much, all while everyone else at the table glances at you with concern (or as much concern as other drunk and tipsy coworkers can muster)

“you shouldn’t have drank so much if you knew your alcohol tolerance was this poor.”

and the shadow of a smile on his face will turn into something more sinister when you frantically get up to rush to the bathroom. you immediately stumble to the floor, dizzy and disoriented. too dizzy and disoriented.

he’ll catch you before you fall as coworkers express their concern for you, only then noticing how bad your state had gotten now that face-planting directly onto the tatami floor of the bar was a feasible outcome

a chorus of surprised “woah!”’s and “are you okay?” ring out, conversations growing quieter as everyone stares at the stoic, scary superior holding up the rookie that got completely plastered at a work event. some are silently judging, but most are ogling zandik

your cubicle neighbor and work buddy gets up from her seat, stumbling on her way to help you stand up. though she had indulged you in gossip about him before, something about him holding your suspiciously drunk body up made alarm bells ring in her head.

“i’ll take them home,” he declares, voice colder than ice. no one really notices the hostility in his tone, too tipsy themselves to notice zandik’s obvious favouritism towards you. “enjoy the rest of your night.”

...and he diligently brings you to your flat, catching you before you stumble on your feet and trip over nothing. the trip was a struggle for the both of you, though more so for you than for him considering he had anticipated this outcome. maybe next time he should reconsider before giving you so much to drink.

[trainingdummyrabbit]

i still think abt the ending to the warp intervallo also. it was like, okay, to me, mostly, but. Don Qui Moment. im just so so elated we got to see her Unstoppable Forward Momentum(tm) used in a way that wasnt at least partially a "Oh There She Goes Again 🙄" thing. like. That Bit There. not the 'oh shes a bloodfiend' bit, but the 'dragging herself to fight on even through wounds that full well should have completely incapacitated her' thing. thats what i really really wanted to see most from her. its that sparking, again.

like i do quite enjoy her for being a silly lil scrambley thing!! but also she is capable of so much violence and she should be able to kill whoever she wants for ever. basically. the sheer fucking will and vitriol. having her values and planting her feet and Not Fucking Budging. let her. let her!!

but especially because its such a defining character trait, for donqui. specifically Before the. All Of That. [motions to c7]. because it feels like a striking point for Her, that She chooses, that isnt just "shes the silly character ^w^" or, past that, a side effect of the state shes in. its her own little brand of being a fucked up little creature, and i so badly wish we got to see more of it.. put some respect on my girls name !!!!!

[desired-fantasy-writings]

Mixture Of Headcanons - Maxime Le Mal

Requested by: Nobody

Warnings: Sexual headcanons below NSFW cut

Readers Gender: Gender Neutral

Fanfic Type: Headcanons

Fanfic Genre: SFW and NSFW

Word Count: 737

A/N: As I'm writing this, I feel a tad embarrassed and confused that somehow a badly written French cockroach villian man pulled me out of my 2-3 year writer's block. Wtf-

Anywaysss, onto the regular headcanons and some relationship headcanons, a mixture of things.... for this whimpy whiney shit (I say this lovingly.)

[Headcanons and some ramblings in the tags contain some spoilers. If you haven't watched DM4 yet feel free to swipe by this]

SFW

• Mans will not shut the fuck up about himself, how great he is and how everyone else fucking sucks and he's perfect in every way. VERY sassy, self absorbed, snobby, has anger problems (obvious), and secretly clingy. He thinks he's the shit. You'll just have to... "indulge him" by listening to every small thing he got bothered by that day. Every little thing can set him off. Cannot let grudges go.

• Obviously his thing is that he talks with his hands... a lot. It's one of many ways to tell what type of mood he's in at that moment. Frantic, heavy hand movements, and fingers twitching? He mad. Quick bursts of movement, doing quick little claps and finger tapping? For sure in a good mood.

• Maxime cannot hide his emotions, like at all. One of his weaknesses. He's VERY animated with his body language and voice.

• Many people will not agree with this one, so bare with me. From my own observation he has many traits and behaviours of someone who has a undiagnosed narcissistic disorder, or some other type of undiagnosed personality disorder. [This is just a headcanon of mine please don't jump me- 😭]

• By his fascination and obsession with bugs, I wouldn't be surprised if he was autistic or ADHD... or not, idk. He kinda act like me fr.

• I can imagine when he was still partly cockroach he wore gloves due to increased sensitivity, before the transformation he only wore them as a fashion choice. After AVL de-transformed him, they couldn't reverse everything. What was left was the antennas, some of his strength, and the heightened sensitivity - even afterward he still continues to wear gloves to prevent himself from overwhelming his senses.

• Seen many people theorise that Maxime feels phantom pain often and a great need to spread his non-existent wings and extra limbs after the de-transformation. It makes a lot of sense... It's quite interesting, as sad as it is...

• Fixing, fiddling, and tinkering with anything is one his ways to calm down, also could be considered a type of stim. Uses his cane for the same purpose. Maxime has to fiddle with something in his hands or he'll get absolutely fidgety and agitated with the extra amount of energy he has built up. Often wants someone to be by him as he tinkers and talks away.

• Has a fine taste in fashion (maybe not the giant ahs green coat he has.. but it find it cute.) The outfit he has at the end of the movie though? GAWDDDDDD where do I ever start? BLUEEE IS HIS COLOURRR. (Alsoooo I 100% believe his outfit was inspired by Balthazar Bratt, btw-)

NSFW below the cut! Don't read if it makes you uncomfy.

NSFW

• Soooo his voice... he's well aware people find accents a turn on, so uses it to his advantage when he sees fit ...And on his partner especially (let's just pretend Valentina isn't in the picture). Often when he wants their attention he slows his speech, making sure to drag out every word he says as he flirts with them, letting his French accent go on full force - seeing if he can get any reaction of them. As he does he impulsively switched between English and French. If his partner don't know a single bit of French.... Just for fun he'd speak so many dirty words to them in French, often leaving them confused trying to figure out what he just said to them. If they do speak French like he does, it's fair game. If he doesn't get a reaction out of his partner, he'll keep being persistent til they do, the man does NOT give up easy. (Being mean and teasing his partner is 100% his love language.)

(If his partner have a voice kink, and Maxime finds out, good luck never having a moment of silence ever again-)

• Maxime's kisses are so divine. IT'S not because he's french and that's the stereotype... But he certainly does live up to it. How he kisses his partner can determine how he's feeling in that moment, either wanting attention and love from them... or more, his kisses leaving them a gasp every time. There's never a dull moment, especially when he dips them out of nowhere to give them the best french kisses... Also best be careful, he bites. ;)

• I can see him being the type of man to not rush things, but make it so painfully saken slow for his partner til they break and can't stand it. He loves to be in control, and controlling when his partner can have what they desperately need for some sort of release... He thrives off of it. Torturing them and watching his partner squirm and beg is one of his greatest pleasures.

(If his partner "wrestles with him" and wins, which most of the time unlikely... Maxime's all theirs, their in control now. His partner can do whatever to him.... But careful, he likes to fight back.)

• Will make his partner suffer by making them watch him please himself, knowing how much his partner needs him and want to please him as they watch, struggling to stay put. He just smirks and chuckles the whole time, his accent tickling his partner's ears, adding even more to the torture and pleasure they'd feel later on.

• With how expressive he is, he does not hide it at all in the bedroom. From groans, moans, growls, whines - this man does everything. He feels no shame showing his partner how much they affect him. The look of amusement that covers his partner's features hearing him being so loud gets him even more turned on.

• Is very grabby. By the end of it his partner will be covered in scratches, bruises, hickies, and bite marks. Maxime is surprisingly stronger than he looks, easily pinning his partner down with his skinny frame. Can grip too hard sometimes. When this man gets horny.. HE'S horny.

• Maxime's antennas are extremely sensitive... According to him in DM4. I can imagine them being an extremely sensitive erectile zone if rubbed just right. Depending on his mood it can either go both ways - a wholesome cuddle session with his partner... Or they'll be in either of each other's lair for the rest of the day not leaving the bedroom.... His partner is in for an aggressive, loving ride. I can imagine his antennas twitching more too.

• Maxime is thicker than most. Has an average length just enough to be comfortable with, but his girth will definitely take some getting used to at first. It starts curved upward from the middle, has many veins and textures for his partner to experience.

• Is a very cleanzy man, trims himself quite nicely just enough to have lovely peach fuzz.

• If his eye twitches when he's angry..... Imagine it twitching as he gets close, ahahahah...

• Again, WILL NOT, shut up. Not a single moment will there ever be a silent moment. Talks SOO much shit, so much filth it can honestly get overwhelming with how much he is saying as he pounds into his partner. He's such a little shit as he does this. He knows exactly what to say to get them squirming, whimpering and their blood pumping.

• It's hard to understand him half the time - his English words getting mixed with his native tongue French. In the heat of the moment it's incredible to see, seeing him get so into the intimate moment between his partner that his words get all jumbled up because of them~

A/N: I have so many more ideas and theories for this french fella. I may or may not write more.... If the people demand for it... 👀👉👈 (Hold me accountable plz I'd hate to go into an writer's block again-) I'm pretty rusty from writing atm I'll probably rewrite this a bit later.

[fadetouchedsilk]

like I get the feeling the need to defend veilguard as an initial response. There’s a decent crowd of ‘critics’ who are up in arms because of Gay People In Their Videogame (which kills any other valid complaints they might have had imo)

But also I think a lot of us are just. Really disappointed that the thing we Waited 10 years for isn’t even coming close to living up to what we were told to expect? Even I knew that this game probably wouldn’t be great—tbh I didn’t go in with any expectations really—but I didn’t expect to feel so deflated by what we got either. The fact that there’s so much untouched potential mixed with what we know to be irl production problems makes it a harder pill to swallow. I think I was hoping this would be another DA2 situation, where you could see there were obvious cut corners but the story that we got was compelling enough to have lasting power & we were still able to dig our fingers into the lore. Hell, people are still talking about that game to this day in some circles. What does that tell you?

We knew this game would be flawed and have some misses (they always do) but I don’t think any of us could have anticipated how gutted the actual end product would have been. People are upset because we’re not dumb. We know budget cuts & layoffs happened. Just say the resources weren’t there and you had to prioritize. Just say certain things were left behind to meet a deadline. As frustrating as that is, it’s an infinitely more preferable explanation than acting like we’re all too stupid to pick up on any of this happening.

You’re not a bad person if you had fun or enjoyed elements of the game. I did & so did a lot of other people who are being vocally critical. I probably Will end up finding aspects I feel like giving watsonian explanations for in my own canon like I have in the past. But I also cant just ignore the problems & im not alone. It’s not ‘fake da fans’ who are mad from what I’ve seen. It’s the opposite! It sucks to see something you love decline. There’s a recurring theme of grief I keep picking up on in so many of these critical posts. Of course no one actually assumed our personal headcanons would become canon, but there was a certain standard of continuity that I think was silently expected to be present & it wasn’t there.

I’m not even sure what the point of this post is tbh. So many of us wanted to like this game so, so badly. We wanted the next part of a franchise that’s been important to us to be able to stand up with its predecessors. And for a lot of us it didn’t manage to hit that mark, no matter how much we genuinely wanted it to.

Idk. As much as I can come off as pretty flippant and irate about this whole thing, in truth it’s just something that leaves me feeling sad in a really quiet, deep sort of way.

[wriokitty]

I’ll never forget that one alhaitham fic I read ages ago with probably the smartest reader I’ve ever seen in a fic ever. And to this day I wonder how that writer was so smart to write such a smart reader like. How. Are. You. So. Smart. Wtf man

[starry-eyer]

i think the reason i’ve had to give up on watching hotd is because i can’t separate it from fire and blood.

i enjoyed fire and blood, fell in love with those characters, and was so excited to seem them brought to the big screen and yet it’s too different. and yet it’s still based on fire and blood so i should technically love it but it’s different and therefore i’m always disappointed because hotd could’ve been and should’ve been something amazing to me, and yet it’s not because it’s not fire and blood and therefore i can’t enjoy it in its own right because it’s not fire and blood and it’s not those characters stories it’s something different using those characters names so i end up feeling disturbed and disgusted by hotd…

does anyone understand?

[sunnibits]

GOT TO DO MORE FIGURE DRAWING YESTERDAY WOOOOOO <3333

[sfsolstice]

Well, my love is an animal call Cutting through the darkness, bouncing off the walls Between teeth and a broken jaw Following the bloodtrail, frothing at the maw

[vaguely-concerned]

just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2

[lavenderr-starrs]

Man I really love the sonic characters

I just wanna pick em up and give em all forehead smooches

[deus-ex-mona]

i miss her…

[scattered-winter]

every day i kick a rock and bash my head into the wall because i'll never get to go on a big space adventure and become tightly close-knit with my new found family up there <//3