#the intro the ending and maxime were all peak

[desired-fantasy-writings]

Mixture Of Headcanons - Maxime Le Mal

Requested by: Nobody

Warnings: Sexual headcanons below NSFW cut

Readers Gender: Gender Neutral

Fanfic Type: Headcanons

Fanfic Genre: SFW and NSFW

Word Count: 737

A/N: As I'm writing this, I feel a tad embarrassed and confused that somehow a badly written French cockroach villian man pulled me out of my 2-3 year writer's block. Wtf-

Anywaysss, onto the regular headcanons and some relationship headcanons, a mixture of things.... for this whimpy whiney shit (I say this lovingly.)

[Headcanons and some ramblings in the tags contain some spoilers. If you haven't watched DM4 yet feel free to swipe by this]

SFW

• Mans will not shut the fuck up about himself, how great he is and how everyone else fucking sucks and he's perfect in every way. VERY sassy, self absorbed, snobby, has anger problems (obvious), and secretly clingy. He thinks he's the shit. You'll just have to... "indulge him" by listening to every small thing he got bothered by that day. Every little thing can set him off. Cannot let grudges go.

• Obviously his thing is that he talks with his hands... a lot. It's one of many ways to tell what type of mood he's in at that moment. Frantic, heavy hand movements, and fingers twitching? He mad. Quick bursts of movement, doing quick little claps and finger tapping? For sure in a good mood.

• Maxime cannot hide his emotions, like at all. One of his weaknesses. He's VERY animated with his body language and voice.

• Many people will not agree with this one, so bare with me. From my own observation he has many traits and behaviours of someone who has a undiagnosed narcissistic disorder, or some other type of undiagnosed personality disorder. [This is just a headcanon of mine please don't jump me- 😭]

• By his fascination and obsession with bugs, I wouldn't be surprised if he was autistic or ADHD... or not, idk. He kinda act like me fr.

• I can imagine when he was still partly cockroach he wore gloves due to increased sensitivity, before the transformation he only wore them as a fashion choice. After AVL de-transformed him, they couldn't reverse everything. What was left was the antennas, some of his strength, and the heightened sensitivity - even afterward he still continues to wear gloves to prevent himself from overwhelming his senses.

• Seen many people theorise that Maxime feels phantom pain often and a great need to spread his non-existent wings and extra limbs after the de-transformation. It makes a lot of sense... It's quite interesting, as sad as it is...

• Fixing, fiddling, and tinkering with anything is one his ways to calm down, also could be considered a type of stim. Uses his cane for the same purpose. Maxime has to fiddle with something in his hands or he'll get absolutely fidgety and agitated with the extra amount of energy he has built up. Often wants someone to be by him as he tinkers and talks away.

• Has a fine taste in fashion (maybe not the giant ahs green coat he has.. but it find it cute.) The outfit he has at the end of the movie though? GAWDDDDDD where do I ever start? BLUEEE IS HIS COLOURRR. (Alsoooo I 100% believe his outfit was inspired by Balthazar Bratt, btw-)

NSFW below the cut! Don't read if it makes you uncomfy.

NSFW

• Soooo his voice... he's well aware people find accents a turn on, so uses it to his advantage when he sees fit ...And on his partner especially (let's just pretend Valentina isn't in the picture). Often when he wants their attention he slows his speech, making sure to drag out every word he says as he flirts with them, letting his French accent go on full force - seeing if he can get any reaction of them. As he does he impulsively switched between English and French. If his partner don't know a single bit of French.... Just for fun he'd speak so many dirty words to them in French, often leaving them confused trying to figure out what he just said to them. If they do speak French like he does, it's fair game. If he doesn't get a reaction out of his partner, he'll keep being persistent til they do, the man does NOT give up easy. (Being mean and teasing his partner is 100% his love language.)

(If his partner have a voice kink, and Maxime finds out, good luck never having a moment of silence ever again-)

• Maxime's kisses are so divine. IT'S not because he's french and that's the stereotype... But he certainly does live up to it. How he kisses his partner can determine how he's feeling in that moment, either wanting attention and love from them... or more, his kisses leaving them a gasp every time. There's never a dull moment, especially when he dips them out of nowhere to give them the best french kisses... Also best be careful, he bites. ;)

• I can see him being the type of man to not rush things, but make it so painfully saken slow for his partner til they break and can't stand it. He loves to be in control, and controlling when his partner can have what they desperately need for some sort of release... He thrives off of it. Torturing them and watching his partner squirm and beg is one of his greatest pleasures.

(If his partner "wrestles with him" and wins, which most of the time unlikely... Maxime's all theirs, their in control now. His partner can do whatever to him.... But careful, he likes to fight back.)

• Will make his partner suffer by making them watch him please himself, knowing how much his partner needs him and want to please him as they watch, struggling to stay put. He just smirks and chuckles the whole time, his accent tickling his partner's ears, adding even more to the torture and pleasure they'd feel later on.

• With how expressive he is, he does not hide it at all in the bedroom. From groans, moans, growls, whines - this man does everything. He feels no shame showing his partner how much they affect him. The look of amusement that covers his partner's features hearing him being so loud gets him even more turned on.

• Is very grabby. By the end of it his partner will be covered in scratches, bruises, hickies, and bite marks. Maxime is surprisingly stronger than he looks, easily pinning his partner down with his skinny frame. Can grip too hard sometimes. When this man gets horny.. HE'S horny.

• Maxime's antennas are extremely sensitive... According to him in DM4. I can imagine them being an extremely sensitive erectile zone if rubbed just right. Depending on his mood it can either go both ways - a wholesome cuddle session with his partner... Or they'll be in either of each other's lair for the rest of the day not leaving the bedroom.... His partner is in for an aggressive, loving ride. I can imagine his antennas twitching more too.

• Maxime is thicker than most. Has an average length just enough to be comfortable with, but his girth will definitely take some getting used to at first. It starts curved upward from the middle, has many veins and textures for his partner to experience.

• Is a very cleanzy man, trims himself quite nicely just enough to have lovely peach fuzz.

• If his eye twitches when he's angry..... Imagine it twitching as he gets close, ahahahah...

• Again, WILL NOT, shut up. Not a single moment will there ever be a silent moment. Talks SOO much shit, so much filth it can honestly get overwhelming with how much he is saying as he pounds into his partner. He's such a little shit as he does this. He knows exactly what to say to get them squirming, whimpering and their blood pumping.

• It's hard to understand him half the time - his English words getting mixed with his native tongue French. In the heat of the moment it's incredible to see, seeing him get so into the intimate moment between his partner that his words get all jumbled up because of them~

A/N: I have so many more ideas and theories for this french fella. I may or may not write more.... If the people demand for it... 👀👉👈 (Hold me accountable plz I'd hate to go into an writer's block again-) I'm pretty rusty from writing atm I'll probably rewrite this a bit later.

[devils-yui]

Yui Talks/Hyperfixates On:

Beast Wars

—-

Part 2 of my little series I’m making and am I gonna be consistent with the names? Maybe, since I’m too lazy to chance my previous one.

You can check out my previous one with Transformers: Prime

But I’m gonna hop directly into it and remember I respect your opinions on the show itself I’m just providing little tidbits of things I like and notice

And this does contain spoilers

• First of all okay wow— the animation and design kind of punched me while re-watching it since I remembered as a kid that that was my idea of peak animation.

• the theme song: “BEAST WARS!!” *epic guitar riff* I love that. It’s so stupid but in a good way

• The intro to how it starts in the first episode is— so funky— and I know animation was like to a limit back in the old days— (and considering this was made in the 90s) but the ships when they were crashing look like someone picked up a toy model of both the ships and are just moving them manually, very slowly, to a green-screened Earth.

• The explosions are “incredible”. They remind me of Deltarune explosions so much—

• ALSO THE FIGHTING SCENES— WHY ARE THE QUALITIES COMPARABLE TO RECORDED SCHOOL FIGHTS LIKE— WHERE IS THE CAMERA ANGLE GOING AND WHY IS IT BOUNCING AROUND LIKE THAT

• my brain understanding and trying to focus the fights are just:

(Two of these gifs combined)

• already saying it, I love Dinobot with all of my heart and I’d die for him

• But on the other end, he’s kind of like a little fucking bloodthirsty— which then again I don’t mind. If he wants to go ape-shit (considering that he’s like got a utahraptor alt mode), then he can go ape-shit I guess

• He reminds me of both Dreadwing and Starscream except with Dreadwing’s form of honour being a little— different(?) kind of. He’s like a tolerable Starscream to me.

• I am going through a love/hate moment with Terrorsaur and Waspinator

• Terrorsaur— I don’t know why but half of my brain says that man— right there— is fruity. Just a little

• Rhinox is literally carrying half of the Maximals in this war also— why the absolute hell does his rhino alt mode have sharp teeth. I just want to know why.

• Rattrap may be a bi-icon but if given the opportunity I’m chucking that bastard like this:

• Megatron sounds like if Robbie Rotten had a deeper voice, I don’t know why my brain decided that

• Scorpinok looks like a SoundCloud rapper— and at best a bulldog or a pittie. No you cannot change my mind

• Arachnid scares me, not like in a genuinely terrifying way just an uncomfortable “eeehh…” way

• Tarantulas too. I thought he was like a simp for the first several episodes for Arachnid and tbh most of the Predacons were. I was getting so many mixed signals about their relationship

• also there have been— so many times. That I’ve seen these characters get incredibly close like LITERAL several inches away from each other’s face, within kissable distance. It’s definitely given me more moments at times of watching where I can literally become hoarse just from saying, “KISS ALREADY!!”

• Optimus Primal in this series still has that Prime dad vibe but he most indefinitely has the “dad that has favorites” vibe.

• Cheetor is— so annoying to me. Maybe it’s that little brother vibe but— I don’t— I can tolerate him but whenever he talks I’m just—-

• The plot armor for the Predacons is— so fricking thick— these people could like— fall apart like Lego pieces and look absolutely destroyed upon recognition but in the next episode after taking a bath in the mason jar

I mean ahem— the restoration pools. they’re perfectly fine.

• Dinobot’s chompers and snarls: 💗💘💞💕💝💝💘💖💘💞💘💘💓💓❤️💝💞 (can’t a man appreciate some good teeth? Okay wait no that sounds creepy—)

• Also I’m most indefinitely gonna keep that headcanon in my mind, that he is most indefinitely a cannibal. HE ATE HIS CLONE?? HOW DO YOU NOT CALL THAT CANNIBALISM??

• Dinobot’s soliloquies are great to listen to. I enjoy them a lot

• Silverbolt and Arachnid’s relationship is.. iffy for me.. Along with Tigatron and Airrazor’s too, I respect those who ship it but I don’t see it— they (Airrazor and Tigatron) probably had time like— off screen to develope that relationship but ehh. Also Silverbolt’s ‘nice guy’ attitude with the “I can’t hit her she’s a lady!” rule kills me inside. Dude, this lady you’re talking about has manipulated people, kicked your comrade’s ass without hesitation, and most indefinitely has committed crimes. What. Are. You. Taking about.

• Inferno might be one of my other favorite characters, since I do find it funny how he calls Megatron, “Queen” but he’s kinda y’know *bonk bonk* in the head. Insane, is what I’m saying but I do love me some unhinged characters,

• Rattrap’s transmetal vehicle mode— his wheels— look like cola bottle caps.

• MEGATRON HAS HEELIES IN HIS TRANSMETAL BEAST MODE AND I AM LIVING FOR IT!

Other info:

• I’m still watching it but you can come back to see if this part has changed… but yeah that’s it

[momo-de-avis]

So, as per @insanityisfine ‘s wishes, here is the story of how a hardcore catholic member of the Opus Dei repressed his homoeroticism with sexism and plagiarized Harry Potter thus teaching me a valuable lesson about writing.

So, let’ call this guy C.

C, as I said, was a hardcore catholic. By that I mean, of course, that you couldn’t actually tell until you actually met him. Though he kind of dressed like your average beto (but not so much, since he was kind of poor), he kind of came off as a regular dude who you could have a conversation with. Except, of course, if you were a girl. In which case you’d get a huge creepy vibe just from engaging with him shortly. He touched a lot, he leaned in, he smiled way too much and he had a really, really weird way of going about women.

First of all, a little background. C was like, the sixth brother of like, I don’t even remember, 10? 12? His mom was a super, hyper devote catholic and his dad—surprise, surprise—was a locksmith atheist who he venerated. The two—MOST SHOCKING OF ALL—were actually divorced. I know. The scandal.

They weren’t really poor, but they weren’t middle class either. They were adrift, you know. Which makes you wonder—how the hell does a family of like, 10 children and one single and stay-at-home mom manage to get this entire progeny into private schools (so Private they didn’t follow the regular, state-issued high school program, they actually had a list of banned books: I cannot tell you how much he despised Saramago lmao) and into high-end universities (like Católica)? Well, that’s where Opus Dei comes in. I never really understood how the fuck that works, but if you’re a member, you basically got a green card to live as a king even though you gotta mend the holes in your socks yourself.

The thing was, this guy was peak Mommy Issues. His mother was a goddamn viper. From what I gathered, because of her religion and the fact that she was divorced with so many fucking children at home, she was desperate to control her children. So the way she found of doing it was by simply playing mind games with them. She pitied her kids against each other. She clearly had a favourite one, and she compared all others to him. C was treated like waste, like he would never achieve the primal status of perfection his older brother achieved, and his sisters were constantly getting into fights because she used hearsay to pity them against each other. I also vividly remember him saying things like a kiss were banned from his TV, and his grandmother would smack whoever if they even dared to glance at the television when something as dirty as that came on. Mommy here would particularly pick on C. She specifically had him share a room with his youngest brother, who always went to bed earlier, specifically so she could complain about how late he got home, and she often hid his laptop away from him. She never even gave them a single phone, they always had to buy it themselves, with their money.

So you see, lovely home already. Which I would have accepted as an excuse, if he hadn’t grown up to be a huge dick. But you know, trauma or not, life in the end is made of choices, and boy, C chose to be a spiteful, humongous dick.

I met him in my first year of college. He was in this group with two other girls and another guy (C on the list I mentioned, let’s call him Z, cause he will be important for the story as well). We got together first because we were all, in 2010, some of the few who had been born in 1989. We were the ’89 group. And damn bitch, that was one fucking weird group. It was like Friends on a budget: they all tried to sleep with each other like there were no cast members left to fuck.

Initially, I thought he was nice, easy-going. We bonded over our passion for writing, mostly. You know the snippets I’ve been sharing of my WIP, with Selena as the protagonist? At the time, I was working on it, it was my second draft, and he was helping me construct the story, along Z (actually, Z is an even bigger dick, but he was the one who provided me the key ingredients into shaping the story. Literally, if it wasn’t for him, that WIP wouldn’t exist). We would sit for hours at this local café talking about it, and let me tell you, I hesitated, yeah, but C was quick to share his WIP with me.

Now, that WIP? When I explain to you what it was about, it’ll throw you off because the premise is actually cool as fuck. Basically, it’s about a young man who finds himself a victim of a curse. The curse causes his skin to fall off, and the only way he can survive is by killing other people and perform a skin transfer so his own skin can regenerate.

Sound rad as hell, doesn’t it?! Except this is C. And C really has a way of masterfully destroying things that look cool to the eye of the beholder.

Well, this cool ass premise? This how it kicks off:

The protagonist is a young kid, I don’t know, of 17 or 18, who’s hanging out Cais do Sodré at 4AM and somehow—somehow—that is weird enough for a police guy to approach him. For those not Portuguese: let me tell you as a person who lives across the river form Lisbon. Cais do Sodré is a liminal space, and the shit that happens there between 3 and 5AM? It stops being weird after a couple of months. Literally no police come near you unless someone’s fighting or someone’s pissing in broad daylight. So I really don’t get wtf this guy was going on about, but moving on.

This dude’s skin’s falling off, so he kills the police guy. Then, he takes off and sees a guy sitting on a public bench wearing, and I quote, «the habit of a monk» (yes, I have the document open right now). That guy tells him, literally, ‘I am a wizard and you can’t hurt me, my name is Cedric’ and this begins the long line of plagiarizing HP. Wait for it, it gets better.

Also, if you’re wondering if this is set in Lisbon, despite there being exactly one Portuguese name? Yes it is. In Sintra, too.

THEN it skips to summer (I have no clue what the fuck that intro is supposed to tell you) and we’re in Sintra, specifically Galamares (the story gets oddly specific). This guy’s out partying with his beto friends and shit, and one night he meets a 25 year old French dude called Goulage who invites him over to his mansion for the weekend and what does our protagonist do? He goes, of course.

This already feels like a premise for a horror story that will inevitably turn into an erotic romance, but remember: this dude’s hyper catholic, and to him homosexuality was not just… a Sin. You see, for it to be a sin, you actually have to think about it. Thing was, this guy pushed it down so far he was deepthroating that denial. He avoided it at all costs. And naturally, what happens when you do this, is your story gets an unnaturally homoerotic subtext that jumps off like a dildo slapping you across the forehead. That’s exactly what happened here.

It gets obvious in the way he describes this French dude: he mentions that going over to one of his parties was ‘a privilege’ for merely ‘a lucky few like [protagonist]’. When he gets to his physical appearance, it gets really neat: he had a smile that went ‘from ear to ear’, ‘glistening eyes, dark and full’ and his hair ‘could be described with one word: confusion, or in another: revolt’ because he had hairs that ‘turned against each other like someone who doesn’t comb their hairs after getting off the shower’. And then, the exact next bit of text says some of the funniest things in this piece of shit: ‘if I were an aspiring psychologist I would say there is a very profound reason for his hairs to be like that, perhaps an inner confusion’. He also says he ‘moves with extraordinary lightness, seemed to be everywhere and spoke with great expression coordinating his words with his gestures. He would be a great professor, if he were ever up to that’.

Two paragraphs later, the love interest, a girl, shows up. Her description? ‘She would look great in a bikini’—a direct thought of the protagonist

There’s this incredible exchange where Goulage snaps his fingers and fire spits out of his finger and he does this to light the protagonist’s fucking cigarette and the protagonist is like ‘wow you gotta teach me that’ and the dude’s reply is ‘I can teach you many tricks’. So the French dude promises a class that night, and off they go to ‘the basement, that was entirely dark’ lmfao. Goulage then prepares a drink for him and the protagonist slams down on the floor, unconscious. Yes, date-rape drug. When he comes to—and by god, bear with me on this one cause I fought against this little shit for this scene—he touches his neck and realizes there are two small wounds there.

What does this genius think?

‘I was bitten by a snake’

I remember SO WELL the conversation I had with him about this bit, because at this point the snake comes off as very, VERY evident homoerotic symbolism because in no fucking world would it make sense for a snake to bite you in the fucking neck, what are you talking about, and I tried to make him see that but boy—lost time.

When summer ends, our protagonist realizes the date-rape thing was actually the French dude’s way of cursing him with his skin disease from hell and the two get into a fight.

Now, if you’ve been following me for a while, you know there is a maxim I live by: there are no bad ideas, just ideas that need working. C was actually the one who taught me that, because he actually had a really, REALLY fantastic idea for a story that he completely fucked up because he refused to do any work besides sitting at his laptop and shitting a few words together. He did no revision (he thought himself above that), did no research (he couldn’t understand why that was needed, when he could simply copy it from existing books) and he did no fucking work on his plot—and if you tried to show him, he would take your criticism to heart.

Because not only is this a story about a protagonist who lives under a curse that causes his skin to fall off and his only way of survival is killing so he manages to make a new skin transfer, this is actually the Friends to Enemies trope, which I fucking adore. But he fucked it up completely by somehow—somehow I have no clue how exactly—doing it in light of the entirety of Harry Potter. (My favourite sentence in this WIP is—and I remind you, I quoting this shit: “I am going to the suburbs, so many people disappear there they won’t notice my presence”. Absolute fucking poetry, this little gem. Love it.)

This is set in a wizardry school and this somehow relates to elves in Lisbon (lmfao). Cedric dude from the beginning? He’s from the Ministry of Magic (YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN). They teleport to some fucking city that is like, magically concealed behind a barrier or some shit in Sintra (LMAO). Also, wizards are divided in Orders like, First and second and shit, which I understand also comes from HP (remember I never read HP, these comparisons were actually made for me by an HP aficionado I used to know who pointed them out for me, yet even I could see the plagiarism lmao). And what’s even funnier, most of the names are lifted from somewhere obvious: Gorbachev is there, so is Oskar Koskoshka (yes, like the painter) or Gorbunov. And guess what non wizards are called lmfao.

Also, the spells are exactly like HP: stupefy, stritia maxima, accio fogo, incarcerous and invicta are some of the few I caught eye of here.

I remember there’s a Brolyk somewhere in there as well, and someone called Polidoro, even fucking FREEZER is here (if you’re not Portuguese: that’s our version of Frieza lmfaooo). Oh, and Marowak as well (that’s a pokemon isn’t it?) The protagonist at some point is recruited to work for the, idk, FBI of the wizardry world? Or the Wizard Police Department or Wizard CSI or some shit?

I remember the climax of the story is a sword fight between he two former friends, totally-not-gay-nope dudes and the way he did it… It was in a poem that sounds like a DDR recital. Like, first he gets this swarm of anger that, as it always goes, propels him to be the Best There Is and the weirdest fucking modern poetry ensues, and then the fight scene is like this: “Step forward, attack through the right / step left, attack forward” etc etc. Just this fucking SHIT.

So yeah, when this guy showed me this my reaction was pretty much

Now, I TRIED to be critical in a constructive way. Because, as I said, his premise is actually super fucking original and, being well worked out, it could have been actually incredible. But C refused to take criticism. When he approached anyone with his ‘would you like yo read my story and tell me what you think’ mumbo-jumbo, he didn’t mean criticism, he meant praise.

So what happened was he did to me what he thought I was doing to him. He put me down constantly.

Joke was on him. He was so excited about my story, he actually went on google sketch to project some scenarios from my story. The School, where the story starts and introduces Selena to us, he actually fucking drew the whole thing, so I don’t really know what his problem was cause he was actually more excited about it than I was.

But he just couldn’t take the fact that I was being critical of his work. I started noticing that most people around him hesitated when it came to giving him real opinions. When he asked someone what they thought, he didn’t say ‘what do you think?’ He’d say ‘it’s good, isn’t it?’ and that left people cornered. But I just.. don’t take shit. And my friend back then, who knew HP back and forth, he jumped in as well because he could see that like, if this thing would ever see the light of day, JK Rowling would have a field day suing his ass (though it’s way too bad for it ever to reach publishing, trust me. He doesn’t know how to accent prepositions. He writes “fui áquela casa” or “vou á casa de banho” by fucking hand).

He constantly nit-picked my work. “Swords don’t wheeze, Ana” he said. “I know, C, it’s called a fucking metaphor”.

“This looks too much like the Chronicles of Narnia, I think you’re risking plagiarism, because of this Tiger symbolism”; “C, the Chronicles of Narnia has a Lion passing for Jesus, the Tiger is literally just a symbol of a god, what do you mean”.  

“This is too much like the Mists of Avalon”; “have you even read the Mists of Avalon?”, “no, but it’s celtic paganism all the same”, “???????????????”

Now, here’s another thing about C: he really had no fucking clue how to deal with women. They were alien concepts to him. And one thing he really believed (I mean he really believed this) worked wonders in conquering a girl’s heart was basically put her down and annihilate her self esteem. Call her ugly, say she’s fat, tell her she’s got ugly teeth—and then provide the compliments! So he was a professional sexist. And I remember when he started picking on me because I dared criticized his masterful magnus opus of a fucking piece of shit book, he went in for the looks. At the time, I was about to go on the table for my jaw surgery, and he actually said this to me: “Finally men will look at you, Ana, and you’ll look decent!” He would ell other people “Ana? She’s not a girl, to me she’s a guy—she’s even too ugly to be a girl”.

He really went fucking hard.

It didn’t take long for me to just… fuck off.

But I kept his fucking first and second draft

What’s outstanding is how a hyper-catholic dude who wasn’t allowed to see kisses on TV and who was a virgin at 24 years old out of religious beliefs but bragged about getting a boner for his female friends on the beach managed to just… Become my prime example of everything you shouldn’t be as a writer. I am not kidding. C was my life lesson. Whenever I can’t write, I go back to his first draft and like… It’s so fucking bad, I get a boost. IT’s not just poorly written, everything about it is bad.

But then I remember what’s so bad about it: he made it bad by being a shit person. C thrived off of attention, negative or positive, it didn’t matter, so long as he was the subject of the conversation. He used others to aggrandize himself, by putting them down and treating them like shit in front of others—specifically, in an environment where others couldn’t control but he could (his brothers used to make jokes in front of me—as well as literally everyone else, whether I know them or not, about how C was fucking me—he wasn’t—and say things like ‘is she the one you’re eating?’ in public). He hated women because of his mother, his mommy issues were down to his marrow and man, he projected that onto every girl he ever met. He specifically sough women with little initiative, little impulsivity and who submitted so he wouldn’t be challenged. For friends and girlfriends.

But I challenged him, and that wouldn’t stick. So he treated me like shit, constantly. So much at one point I stopped showing up, stopped talking, just.. walked away.

But those shitty first drafts? Oh, my friends… you wouldn’t believe the shit I have here in my computer.

[themusicenthusiast]

Monday, February 6th, 2017 – A Confident and Genuine Gemini Syndrome Wows a Capacity Crowd at Trees in Dallas

This Monday night at Trees may have belonged to Starset, though the Synners were out in full force as well, ready to show their devotion to Gemini Syndrome. The amount of people sporting their Gemini Syndrome shirts was staggering, though not entirely unsurprising, the majority of the Los Angeles-based bands’ fan base being die-hards. They’re one of those acts where there’s not much, if any, middle ground when it comes to the fans, people either being completely enamored with the alt-metal outfit or just not caring much for them. That’s not a bad thing, as it cultivates a rabid and truly supportive fan base; and most are apt to fall into the fan category. This marked their first Dallas show since the previous October, their show that night being marred by terrible sound. The blame certainly couldn’t be put on the band, who marched on like true professionals, but whatever was responsible for it (be it human error or something technical), it still impacted their performance, and not for the better. It’s safe to assume they felt some added pressure this night as they returned to Trees, wanting to make up for that last gig and remind the Synners just what a high caliber performance they’re capable of, which is precisely what has made them such a buzz worthy act. Their intro was perfect, reflecting the times and fitting in line with statements on life Gemini Syndrome makes with their music, Charlie Chaplin’s speech from The Great Dictator playing. Mixed with some music it had an urgent feel and made it sound quite grand. “…Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!” By the time the whole thing finished it was 9:08; that track fading into a slightly eerie but utterly enthralling piece as the musicians filed onto their spots on stage.

“Dallas, are you awake?” Aaron Nordstrom asked, the frontman gazing out at the crowd, beaming as he did so. “I SAID, ‘ARE YOU AWAKE’?!” he bellowed, as Brian Steele Medina led the charge into “Eternity” with some thunderous percussion. The song about appreciating what’s around you and savoring the moments life presents you with on a daily basis was a stupendous opener, one that instantly highlighted how cohesive the quintet is. Despite the song coming from a record that’s only about six months old, performing it already appeared like second nature to them; Alessandro Paveri propping his bass up on his leg for a few moments as he slapped the strings of it, while Medina tossed his drumsticks into the air on a few different occasions, never failing to catch them. That would be constant throughout their set. “You say your fucking awake?!” roared Nordstrom at one point, as if demanding more from the sold-out crowd who were happy to give it; the song eventually coming to a brilliant finish with a killer scream that reverberated throughout the room for a few seconds. To maximize their 40-minute set time, much of their performance was streamlined, the transition being quick and seamless into the first of a handful of cuts from 2013’s Lux, fans cheering with delight upon recognizing “Basement”. “Let me see those hands,” Nordstrom requested after the first chorus, the host of people raising their fists to the sky, the song’s peak seeing the members thrashing around wildly and banging their heads. One of their only breaks of the night had Nordstrom stressing how great it was to be back on Trees’ stage, the audience being almost completely silent as he spoke. “…I know you're excited, but you seem quiet for a Dallas crowd,” he commented, seeming perplexed but intrigued by the crowds’ demeanor. “Are you waiting for me to say something profound?” Nordstrom than asked, as his band mates started up their next song. Pausing momentarily, he promised everyone he would think on it. “Pleasure and Pain” stuck with the fan favorites from their debut record, guitarist Daniel Sahagún handling the guttural screams on the verses, sounding exceptional as he howled into his microphone. It added to the intensity of the already prominent rhythm section; Nordstrom stepping into that role on occasion, his voice being built for some brutal screaming as well, the best of which came at the tail end as he let loose a wicked screech that commanded everyone’s attention. Thus began a rapid succession of songs, “Resurrection” being the powerhouse it always has been, filled with some great licks from Sahagún and fellow guitarist Charles Lee Salvaggio; things coalescing wonderfully at the end, Nordstrom appearing to collect himself to make certain he was ready for the adrenaline pumping final stretch. “Do you mind if we play some new shit?” the frontman asked. The spectators were game for that, first getting a couple semi deep cuts off Memento Mori (out via Another Century). “Zealot” was one of those and arguably stood as Gemini Syndrome’s best song of the night. The structure of the song is marvelous, sounding like pure Gemini while also being incredibly catchy and boasting a great flow. While still heavy, it’s a little more radio friendly (traditional radio), even showcasing the gentler side of Nordstrom’s voice; the chorus of “Everybody's scratching just to get to the surface, find their purpose in this wasted life. Everybody wants to know their ending is worth it, that it’s worth it, it’s not wasted time,” forcing people to ponder some hard truths about existence. “Awaken” was in a similar vein, being more restrained at times while also having plenty of hard and heavy moments; and from there things bled flawlessly into “Anonymous”. It pushed the musicians more than any song had thus far. Medina got a serious workout just from that one alone, the drummer pulverizing his kit in the final half of the song that partly works to remind everyone they’re not so different from one another, all ultimately facing the same end. The drummer triumphantly raised a fist in the air, while Nordstrom informed the onlookers what ‘memento mori’ meant. “Remember that you die,” he said, adding that wasn’t supposed to be “sad” or “depressing”, but instead force people to realize how fleeting life is and make the most out of every precious second you have. “…Take care of yourself, take care of each other and make this the best fucking life you possibly can…” he said, finally delivering on that profound advice he said he would think on. That was the perfect lead in to “Remember We Die”, and with a statement like that it even made it feel as if that would be their final song of the night. It would have been a good one, offering a great message of being the best person you can possibly be for as long as you’re breathing, and musically it would have brought things to a powerful close, though the band had one last thing planned for everyone. “Did you have a good time with Gemini Syndrome tonight?” Nordstrom asked everyone, some roaring fanfare answering his question. “We had a good time with you,” he said before starting a clap along that had most everyone participating. The pulsating beat of the kick drum along with the gritty opening chords of “Stardust” filled the room, the audience cheering over getting one last beloved classic for the night. “You know this song, right?” Nordstrom asked before the final choruses, then asking everyone if they could help them with it. “Look at the wake from the stardust pouring from your eyes. It's no mistake, you are perfect…” the fans chimed in as the show came to an exhilarating close. This was the Gemini Syndrome so many have come to love over the past few years, their sound being topnotch this time around, and that confidence of knowing everything was working as it should emboldened their performance from what it was last time around. From the moment they stepped on stage, you knew they were there to accomplish something. Having the role of main support, they knew they needed to get everyone warmed up for Starset (thanking the band for having them out on this tour), though one also got the sense that Gemini Syndrome was there for much more. They wanted to truly connect with everyone, working hard to create a rapport with the spectators so their music would have the maximum impact possible. Due to the genuine manner that they conduct themselves in, being humbled and grateful for the support they receive, they established that connection rather effortlessly. They handled themselves comfortably throughout this mighty set, being refined but also raw in their presentation, holding nothing back as everyone gave Gemini Syndrome their undivided attention. I had caught Gemini Syndrome a few times in the past, though it had been a little while (excluding that October 2016 show), and this Trees show was the best I’ve seen them do. It was like seeing them for the first time, falling in love with their music all over again as they sent a strong reminder to everyone that they bring something different to the table. And far more than wanting to make music that people enjoy listening to, they strive to make music and deliver a performance that encourages the listener to think and assess life. They successfully did that on this Monday night. They’re out with Starset through February 17th, that tour concluding at Rex Theater in Pittsburgh, PA, with stops in Madison, AL, Johnson City, TN, Baltimore, MD, and Lancaster, PA leading up to the final show. Gemini then has a few more shows after, on February 18th, 19th, and 21st, at Tapouts in Hamilton, OH, Firebird in St Louis, MO, and The Black Sheep in Colorado Springs, CO, respectively. They’ll return to the road on April 7th, hitting the Midwest and East Coast with a few select shows in the South. Their full calendar of events can be viewed HERE; and check out Memento Mori in iTUNES or GOOGLE PLAY.

[killitwithbleach-blog]

Goodbye to a World

I’m standing on the most sacred ground in American music history. In 2015 Bethel Woods, the site of the first Woodstock Fest, has been transformed into Mysteryland, a multisensory cultural experience for a new generation of starry-eyed electro lovers.  Between two hundred-foot-high rainbow-painted horse heads Porter Robinson is concentrating on the instruments before him where DJ decks had been stationed all weekend. My face is drenched in the effervescent glow of the stage lights and suddenly I’m thinking, “Fuck, it’s happening again.” My nose tingles as I recognize the delicate melody that gradually swells into a triumphant wall of sound. The bastard has me tearing up for the second time this set. When the towering euphony reduces to four crooned lines, I’m crying.

                       We’ll see creation come undone

                       These bones that bound us will be gone

                       We’ll stir our spirits ‘til we’re one

                       Then soft as shadows we’ll become

The lyrics don’t conjure any particular memory or evoke any particular emotion, but rather elicit the response of experiencing vivid beauty. “Sea of Voices” was Porter Robinson’s homecoming announcement, telling the world that the year-long hiatus, his recession to his parents’ home in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, was over. (Robinson, 2014)

Porter Robinson’s ascension to EDM superstardom was more a series of snatched opportunities than a pursuit. A 12-year-old recluse fascinated by role-playing and rhythm video games, he began trying to re-create his favorite 8-bit tunes on a pirated copy of Sony’s ACID software. By posting his unripe productions on Internet forums he found a mentor in vet producer Kyrandian, who pushed Porter until out popped a Beatport number one. “Say My Name” was a bona fide electro house banger, and at 16, Porter was instantaneously inundated with requests to DJ parties around the country. DJ culture was totally foreign to the small-city Carolina boy and clubs were uncharted territory until he started performing in them.  One year later he wrangled Ultra Music Fest, South by Southwest, and three Electric Daisy Carnivals on his first headlining EP tour. One year after that, he charted Billboard. (in Fusilli, 2012)

Oblivious to the dominating Dutch house sound of the first wave of the EDM takeover, Porter’s 2010 to 2011 singles were influenced by the music that raised him: chiptune, trance, IDM (intelligent dance music) and Japanese electro hyperpop from the interactive video game Dance Dance Revolution. The result was a moderately eclectic soundboard within the typical 128-BPM four-on-the-floor electro house format, which he coined “complextro.” It was a style defined by its lack of definition and an emphasis on detail, which Porter thought characterized the work of some of his biggest inspirations, Wolfgang Gartner, DirtyLoud, and Skrillex. Porter prematurely enlisted himself as another purveyor of complextro while these early singles—though inspired by several genres—still fit snugly into the electro house casing. (in Fusilli, 2012) That is, until he wrote “Language.” With its trance breakdowns, glitched-out buildups, and an ambient vocal interlude between progressive house drops, it defied the structural and tonal conventions of electro house. Finally, Porter had fulfilled his own prophecy. He was a complextro artist. The summer of 2012 it was impossible to avoid “Language” at any major festival. If you knew at this point what the letters E-D-M stood for, you knew Porter Robinson’s name.

It’s the all-American name of the fresh new face of the American dream, although as far as faces go, our 19-year-old protagonist hasn’t quite grown into his yet. Porter sits opposite his Billboard interviewer at Coachella, a tan, tattooed human stamp of the word “bro.” In the same frame, Porter’s skin appears blanched and his shoulders permanently hunched over from years of living behind the blue light of a computer screen. His upper lip is shadowed by sweat and baby hairs. As Porter recites responses about his age and influences, he absentmindedly slackens his mic hand so the audio feed fades in and out. Once Billboard Bro has filled his question quota, he flashes a farewell smile at the camera. Porter is sheepishly thanking the camera he thinks has been filming him this whole time, and you have to wonder if socializing is something he ever enjoys. (Brooks, 2012)

In between “Say My Name” and “Language” Porter Robinson made a crucial decision.  With Gesaffelstein and Brodinski added to his roster of idols in 2011, he flirted with the idea of making a sharp left turn into tech house, a hybrid of mechanical techno percussion and groove-infused house. (Brooks, 2012)(in easylove Records, 2010) After all, his proclaimed main objective at the time was to “maximize energy and write a song that was perfect for the dance floor,” an idea he traversed in the 2011 Spitfire EP with two dubstep tracks and the crassly aggressive moombahton number “100% In the Bitch.” (in Fusilli, 2012) But something was missing. The constraints of music that functions solely to energize the body left him yearning for a sound that would satisfy the soul. Goodbye tech house, hello emotional introspection. The uplifting and anthemic “Language,” his first true complextro track, was also his first artistic expression of sincerity. Its chart-topping success was all Porter needed to start a new chapter of his career: the decision for beauty.

“Easy” was the confirmation that the Porter we knew, booty-shake-maker big-beat-banger Porter, was never coming back. A collab with fellow touring producer Mat Zo, “Easy” one-upped “Language” in emotionally uplifting power. By connecting with his fans on a deeper, more personal level, it seemed Porter had unearthed his true identity as an artist over entertainer. He was gaining momentum. And then he disappeared.

The decision to abandon the DJ culture that nurtured him peaked in late 2012 when he was touring with Mat Zo, “Easy” in development. “I remember being in the back of my tour bus, and we were all just listening to our favorite music and sharing tracks, and we did that for an hour, and there was not a single dance record that any of us wanted to play for each other.” (in Knaggs, 2014) EDM was losing its appeal. Porter was becoming fed up with the creative limitations of dance music as functional entertainment, the hackneyed structure that builds and releases for the sole purpose of partying. The fear of creative stagnation, which he frequently refers to as “the enemy” in interviews, prompted a retreat to Chapel Hill. “I’m going to go back and listen to every album that inspired me and figure out what it is that I loved about that stuff, and try to channel this all into something that’s really me.” (Robinson, 2014) No interviews, no tours—he dissolved back into the Internet so that the only time we saw his face was in hieroglyphics, 【＝◈︿◈＝】. If Porter hadn’t withdrawn at his peak, we might’ve lost interest in that year of Soundcloud inactivity and festival absence. But we didn’t. We were hungrily awaiting the big reveal.  

Worlds was Porter Robinson’s dissent from EDM, but it materialized less as a middle finger than a hug. It wasn’t 21-year-old Porter who emerged from the blue light portal of his parents’ basement, it was 12-year-old Porter, the boy consumed by the various universes of massive multiplayer online role-playing games (MMORPGs). (in Knaggs, 2014) Porter constructed Worlds as a universe with different doors, where you could enter Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time or Diablo, Mario 64 or World of Warcraft, enter the fictional fantasy that he’d been living while “Say My Name” was still in the making. He forged a sonic trip down memory lane to the “cheesy 2000-era pop rock,” the late-90s/early-2000s video game chiptunes trapped in 8 bits, and the Japanese media that defined his childhood. To effectively and obviously reference this era in Worlds he went straight to the source, plucking out presets from General MIDI and SoundFonts, programs created in the 80s and 90s to facilitate seamless transitions from recorded to synthesized audio. (Robinson, 2014) “Most people would hear those and they wouldn’t think that it sounds retro, they would just think that it sounds bad. But for me, that’s moving the nostalgia forward.” (Robinson, 2014) This conglomerate of “retro” and contemporary synthesized sounds gives the album a timeless quality. Stadium-sized snare hits à la Phil Collins dance with unfamiliar modernity through advanced glitching effects. Every human voice on the album—including the many guest artists—is processed with an ethereal futurism. The album’s keyword was ‘escapism,’ the medium a projection of our imaginations. (Robinson, 2014)

In contrast to the discordant hues of the spitfire album cover, Worlds displays pastel softness. Deviating from the rapid-fire 128 to 140 BPM pace of Spitfire. Worlds hovers mostly around 90. Although 128 BPM rhythms do occur, they project a refined delicacy, as in the case of “Sea of Voices,” which actually feels like it floats through 32 BPM. If you were looking for a dance floor banger, Worlds was not the place to look. Crowds wouldn’t jump up and down at his shows anymore, but pulse the air with their outstretched hands, embracing each other affectionately and swaying in sensual undulations.

“Sad Machine” emerged as the immediate hit. An infectious opening hook carries the intro into Porter’s most singable verse yet. It’s a wistful post-apocalyptic duet between Porter and Avanna, a female character from a Japanese singing synthesis platform called Vocaloid. (Robinson, 2014) Boy meets robot. Boy and robot comfort each other in the wake of the end of the world. Porter embraced the role of vocalist out of necessity as the album’s due date rushed up, his vulnerable rawness as a singer contrasting with his computerized counterpart. (Robinson, 2014) His reference to Avanna in interviews as “she” and “her” is more endearing, rather than disturbing or pathetic, and he could care less that some label him an internet-certified pussy. “The best hate tweet I ever got was ‘hey loser go hang out with your imaginary robot girl’ I was like hell yes this dude gets it.” (twitter.com) K-k-k-kawaii, Porter!

Avanna resurfaces in tracks like “Fresh Static Snow” and “Goodbye to a World,” though not in the most Japanese of all, “Flicker.” In her place, a text-to-speech program spits out a nonsensical, whimsical rap of seamlessly chopped up and reconnected album titles translated to Japanese, albums like Daft Punk’s Discovery, his all time favorite. (Robinson, 2014)  This is one more example of how Porter cleverly repurposes his sources of musical inspiration directly into the product. “Flicker” is an ode to the Japanese ideal of the appreciation of beauty and color. He searches for the recreation of this ideal he’s absorbed from the timbre of Japanese video games through pensive breakdowns that bloom into optimistic chord progressions.

The most literal representation of Porter Robinson’s resignation from aggressively beat-driven EDM is “Fellow Feeling,” where a weeping violin multiplies into a mournful symphony worthy of a blockbuster soundtrack. The first two minutes of this elegant lament recall the piece Porter has claimed to be “the most beautiful song [he’s] ever heard,” the orchestral version of “Serenity” by Afternova, an expansion on a trance beat, within which also lurks the melody of “Language” and the movement of “Sea of Voices.” (in Harper, 2011) “Fellow Feeling” is conducted by a girl’s whispered narrative filled first with regret, then optimism.

           I cried, for I didn’t think it could be true

           That you and I might’ve always known one another

           And that we could not only evoke,

           But conjure a place of our own

           And that everywhere that has ever existed

           It was all in service for our dream

           Now, please, hear what I hear

A chugging techno monster abruptly infiltrates the symphony, assaulting the vulnerability of the strings with mechanical grime.

           Let me explain

           This ugliness, this cruelty, this repulsiveness

           It will all die out

           And, now, I cry for all that is beautiful

This duel between the two conflicting aesthetics then morphs into a hard-hitting complextro beat guided by a driving side-chained kick drum. To Porter, this was the easiest way to declare his separation from the perfunctory functionality of dance music. The hybrid house climax at the end, though, references “Language” and “Easy” to make clear that mellifluous music at 128 BPM is still a possibility.

If you visit Porter Robinson’s Soundcloud page you will find it cleansed of the “ugliness” and “repulsiveness” to which he refers in “Fellow Feeling.” Missing are his moombahton and dubstep releases, the faux-complextro pre-“Language” singles, and the bass-heavy Spitfire remixes. The density and grit of these tracks cannot, in his mind, coexist with his newly refined artistry. I wonder if Porter can even listen to “100% In the Bitch” now without cringing at its vulgarity. As for Soundcloud’s music discovery function, he spends at least an hour daily searching the server for new ideas rather than “crazy production prowess.” Rejecting the negative connotation of the word ‘novelty,’ he embraces its implication of distinctiveness. “When I hear something that I’ve never heard before, I love that feeling, and I think that’s one of the greatest things about electronic music.” (Robinson, 2014)

The conception of the Worlds tour was as immense an effort as the album itself. Porter handed everyone in his art department a 20-page document with explicit instructions on the visual concept. Surrealism based on glitch and role-playing video games rather than trippy drug-inspired imagery was the goal. (Robinson, 2014) The outcome was a multi-screen cinematic journey through flashes of vibrant and prismatic glitches and Japanese calligraphy, skies of floating islands, pixilated flower fields, molten orbs, and the familiar forests we experience vicariously through recurring anime characters that leap, fly and fall through Porter’s low-poly imagination. Full immersion in his vision is essential, so he performs only original compositions edited for the sake of novelty, triggering samples on drum pads, playing dominant melodies on keys, and singing wherever possible. He defies the odds against a single DJ possessing so much virtuosic musicality. Inevitably, the experience begs the emotional participation of his audiences, which is guided by narrations, the most memorable of which is the following:

Every place you’ve ever imagined

It’s real

There is a fictional city in your

mind and you know every corner of it

Your mind is a world

Each of us is a place

This shit really takes you on a feel trip.

The conclusion of the album and the live show is Avanna’s swan song, “Goodbye to a World.” In the most heartbreaking instance of the overarching apocalyptic theme of Worlds, Avanna devolves literal bit by bit into her monotone death. The fragility that leads to worlds’ destruction references the MMPORGs so significant to Porter which, “once the company goes under, or the game is no longer profitable...these worlds are completely inaccessible. They basically just die.” (in Knaggs, 2014) I imagine young Porter’s eyes welling with tears as the server shuts down and he is forcibly returned to reality. “Worlds doesn’t really have a place in reality,” he tells us. (in Knaggs, 2014) As he grapples with the imminence of adulthood, he preserves a child-like fantasy. It’s a vessel of fiction and escapism, which is really the guiding spirit of EDM as a whole, though Worlds has liberated Porter from the shackles of the conventionally vapid modes of this ideology. As he noticed EDM curating its own obsolescence, he mapped out his immortality in an alternate universe with an open invitation and warm welcome for those of us who wish to join him.

  Bibliography

Robinson, Porter. Porter Robinson on DJing and the State of EDM. YouTube. N.p., 12 Aug. 2014. Web.

    10 Dec. 2015. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdzj2I0QgP8>.

 Robinson, Porter. "A Powerhouse, And He's Not Yet 20." Interview by Jim Fusilli. The Wall Street

    Journal. N.p., 4 July 2012. Web. 10 Dec. 2015. <http://www.wsj.com/articles/

    SB10001424052702304299704577502452164796814>.

 Robinson, Porter. Porter Robinson Q&A @ Lollapalooza 2012. Interview by Jonathan Brooks. YouTube.

    N.p., 4 Aug. 2012. Web. 10 Dec. 2015. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u--wXQB--00>.

 Robinson, Porter. "New 'World' Order: Porter Robinson Interviewed." Interview by Rob Knaggs.

    Clas. N.p., 11 June 2014. Web. 10 Dec. 2015. <http://www.clashmusic.com/features/

    new-world-order-porter-robinson-interviewed#view-gallery-image-2>.

 Robinson, Porter. Porter Robinson Interview: 'EDM is entertainment, it's not art'. YouTube. N.p., 5

    June 2014. Web. 10 Dec. 2015. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwOLDyJv-wI>.

 Robinson, Porter. Porter Robinson on Video Games and Breaking Down Tracks from His Debut Album,

    'Worlds'. YouTube. N.p., 11 Aug. 2014. Web. 10 Dec. 2015. <https://www.youtube.com/

    watch?v=UiRDqYxPSig>.

 Robinson, Porter. EMC 2014: Keynote Porter Robinson: Changing the Game. Interview by Nick Thayer.

    YouTube. N.p., 15 Dec. 2014. Web. 10 Dec. 2015. <https://www.youtube.com/

    watch?v=iPxfWmnRmyw>.

 Robinson, Porter. "Porter Robinson Interview." easylove Records. N.p., 1 Nov. 2010. Web. 10 Dec.

    2015. <http://www.easyloverecords.com/porter-robinson-interview/>.

 Sachs, Elliot. "Porter Robinson Refuses to Work with Katy Perry." YourEDM. N.p., 10 Aug. 2012. Web.

    10 Dec. 2015. <http://www.youredm.com/2012/08/20/

    porter-robinson-refuses-to-work-with-katy-perry/>.

  Robinson, Porter. "An Interview with Porter Robinson." Interview by Sarah Harper. Knight News. N.p.,

    29 Oct. 2011. Web. 10 Dec. 2015. <http://knightnews.com/2011/10/

    an-interview-with-porter-robinson/>.

 Robinson, Porter. "Q&A: Porter Robinson Loves SF, His Dogs, and Japan." Interview by Carlos Olin

    Montalvo. SF Station. N.p., 12 Sept. 2014. Web. 10 Dec. 2015. <http://www.sfstation.com/2014/

    09/12/porter-robsinson-san-francisco-dance-music/>.

[itsworn]

302 Ford vs. 305 Chevy! Part 1: Intro and Baseline

Who did it best back in the late-1980s and early 1990s, the 5.0L Ford or TPI Chevy?

OK, fellow travelers, let’s crank up the DeLorean to 88 mph and venture back in time to the start of the modern muscle-car era. Some may not remember, but there was a time when production cars weren’t running around with 400, 500, or even 600 hp, to say nothing of 700-plus-horsepower Hellcats! Back when Billy Idol was dancing with himself and Cindy Lauper just wanted to have fun, the power outputs of the hottest Camaros and Mustangs were literally half of what they are today. The ponycars wars were still being waged, but many carbureted fans thought the introduction of (then-new) modern fuel injection would surely spell the end of performance. History has shown those doomsday predictions not only to be unfounded, but that the reverse was actually true. The injected 5.0L H.O. Mustang and TPI Camaro were the performance predecessors of the killer Coyotes and Z/28s we have today. To show our respects to all things 1980s (and early 1990s), we had a shootout between a 5.0L H.O. 302 and an LB9 TPI 305. We’d then use these humble beginnings to illustrate how to bring them up to the current level of performance, if such a thing is even possible.

Looking through the years, we see Chevy’s LB9 TPI 305 was first offered in 1985 as a replacement for the LU5 Crossfire engine. The LB9 shared most of the carbureted L69 H.O. engine’s components, but the difference was the unique, long-runner EFI induction system. The lengthy intake runners produced a massive amount of torque, but limited power production at higher engine speeds, especially on the larger L98 350 engine. From 1985–1992, the LB9 was offered in outputs ranging from 190 up to 230 hp, and as much as 300 lb-ft of torque, with the major differences being cam profile and exhaust configuration. The specs on the original cam profiles used for the LB9 varied by as much as 0.065-inch lift and 27 degrees, but this mattered little to us, as we plan to replace the factory cam ASAP. As luck would have it, Westech had an iron-headed LB9 305 stuck under a shelving unit. Apparently, it was not one of the shop’s most popular test engines, but we were excited about scoring such a pristine TPI 305.

By contrast, the 5.0L Ford 302 was rated at 225 hp and 300 lb-ft of torque through most of its run in EFI configuration from 1987–1993. Fuel injection actually first appeared in 1986 with the one-year-only, 200hp version of the engine. The 5.0L continued in the 1994–1995 Mustangs with a slightly revised induction system, but despite being re-rated by Ford down to 205 hp in 1992, every 5.0 we have ever tested made the same power. Though both the Chevy and Ford displaced 5.0L, they did so with dramatically different bore and stroke specs. The 302 Ford combined a 4.0-inch bore with a 3.0-inch stroke. This compares to a 3.736-inch bore and longer 3.48-inch stroke for the 305. The 305 Chevy is often chastised for its small bore, but under the operating conditions the stock engines were intended to run, the bigger bore is of little benefit. That may change once we start the modifications, but for now, the fact that both engines produced nearly identical power shows there is more than one way to skin the proverbial performance cat.

Our good pal, Mark Sanchez, found our test engine, which was part of a recent take-out that included the complete T5 five-speed transmission. You can also find 5.0 engines in fullsize trucks, Thunderbird and Mercury Cougar, or a GT-40-equipped Explorer. Though Ford dropped the 5.0L in favor of the Modular engine in the 1996 Mustang, it continued to use the little Windsor in the Explorer through 2001. With the exception of the T-bird, all of these applications would offer slightly different 5.0L configurations, but would all provide a solid foundation for any 302 buildup. While 1994–1995 H.O. motors offered a revised intake (and larger throttle-body) to fit under the hood of the new platform, there was little (if any) change in power.

To establish our baseline, we configured each engine for dyno use. Off came all of the accessories, while the induction system was stripped away to the bare throttle-body. Since we employed a stand-alone Holley HP management system, it was unnecessary to use the MAF and associated intake tubing. We found that the stock injectors in both of these high-mileage engines were long since clogged, but the stock Ford injectors cleaned right up. We replaced the stock TPI injectors with a set from a Gen VI 454 truck. We ran both engines with a Meziere electric water pump and 1-3/4-inch long-tube headers. Both of the factory combinations were run with the same air/fuel ratio (12.9:1) and each received the timing value that maximized the power output on the 91-octane pump gas. Additionally, both engines received new MSD distributors, because neither of them would be run with their respective factory ECUs.

First up on the dyno was the 5.0L Ford. Run with the diminutive, stock throttle-body feeding the H.O. upper and lower intake, the 302 produced peak numbers of 261 hp at 5,100 rpm and 322 lb-ft of torque at 3,500 rpm. Though the big bore and short stroke suggested a high-rpm combination (like its cousin, the Boss 302), the 5.0L Ford excelled much more at low-speed power and torque production. Note that the peak power occurred at just 5,100 rpm. The long-stroke Chevy followed suit with peak numbers of 267 hp at 4,600 rpm and a slightly higher 332 lb-ft of torque at 3,700 rpm. Like the Ford, the Chevy was run with long-tube headers that helped power production, but since both combinations were run in identical trim, the relative power numbers were accurate and comparable. Given their original ratings, it’s not surprising the two offered near identical power outputs, with the differences being a function of the amount of mileage logged by each over the years. Check back with us next time to see how your favorite 1980s muscle motor responded to the first round of modifications.

5.0L Fist Fight: 302 Ford vs. 305 Chevy

Run in stock trim with unknown mileage, the two competitors offered surprisingly similar power curves and peaks. The Ford produced 261 hp and 322 lb-ft of torque, but the Chevy countered with 267 hp and 332 lb-ft of torque. Given the near-identical original power ratings, we suspect the condition (and mileage) of the engines had more to do with the results than things like bore and stroke. With our baseline numbers established, look for some 5.0L mods on the next test.

Though sharing the basic long-block with the carbureted H.O. L69, the LB9 featured a unique Tuned Port Injection. The long-runner EFI system offered slightly more power and torque than the L69, but the TPI’s intake would eventually become the limiting factor for increased performance.

Despite being blessed with a larger bore and shorter stroke than the Chevy, the 5.0 Ford also featured a long-runner induction system designed to optimize power production lower in the rev range. Chevy’s Klingon Warbird design definitely offered the most eyeball appeal.

Feeding the TPI was a front-mounted, dual 48mm throttle-body.

The Ford relied on a single 60mm throttle-body. The big single offered slightly less surface area than the twin 48mm unit on the Chevy, but actually outflowed the Chevy. Throttle-body flow, however, was not limiting the power output of either of these stock engines.

The Chevy’s injectors were clogged from years of sitting—apparently, no one wanted to test the 305! We swapped in a set pirated from a 1997 Gen VI 454.

The 19-pounders in the Ford were in better shape, as a quick clean and flow on the ASNU machine netted injection perfection.

Since we ran both motors with a Holley HP ECU, we swapped out the factory small-cap HEI distributor for an MSD unit.

The Ford likewise received an MSD distributor to replace the TFI factory distributor.

We ran the Chevy with a set of 1-3/4-inch long-tube dyno headers feeding collector extensions. This configuration offered considerably more power than the factory exhaust manifolds.

The Ford received long-tube headers as well. This set of coated Hooker Super Comp headers was designed for a Fox-body application. The Ford headers also received collector extensions, which were important for torque production.

Run on the dyno in otherwise stock trim, the 305 produced peak numbers of 267 hp at 4,600 rpm and 332 lb-ft of torque at 3,700 rpm.

The 5.0L Ford netted similar performance, with peaks of 261 hp and 322 lb-ft of torque. With a few extra horsepower and 10 extra lb-ft of torque, the Chevy took round 1, but will that gap remain after we start changing parts?

The post 302 Ford vs. 305 Chevy! Part 1: Intro and Baseline appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

from Hot Rod Network http://www.hotrod.com/articles/302-ford-vs-305-chevy-part-1-intro-baseline/ via IFTTT

[touristguidebuzz]

Cheap Flights & Four Nights in Madrid — Reader Success Story

One of the things I love most about being The Points Guy is getting to hear stories from readers about how award travel has affected their lives — the exotic vacations they’ve planned, the trips they’ve made to be with family and friends, the premium seats and suites they’ve experienced and so much more, all made possible by points and miles. I love to travel and explore, and it’s an honor to be able to help so many of you get where you want to go.

I like to share these success stories to help inspire you the way you inspire me! From time to time I pick one that catches my eye and post it for everybody to enjoy. If you’re interested in sharing your own story, email it to info@thepointsguy.com; be sure to include details about how you earned and redeemed your rewards, and put “Reader Success Story” in the subject line. If we publish it, I’ll send you a gift to jump-start your next adventure!

Recently, I posted a success story from Andy, who used the SPG/Marriott partnership to book a New Year’s award stay in Maui. Today, I want to share a story from TPG reader Josh, who scored a trip to Spain courtesy of Ultimate Rewards points and the Citi Prestige Card. Here’s what he had to say:

Josh scored a great deal on a Delta flight from New York to Madrid, and made it even better by paying with points.

I’ve been a happy user of the Citi Prestige Card for a while now, particularly thanks to the 4th Night Free benefit. During a month-long trip to Southeast Asia last summer, I managed to get four free nights, including at an amazing beach resort south of Bangkok. I also decided I couldn’t pass up the sign-up bonus and category rewards on the Chase Sapphire Reserve Card, and having these two cards helped me book a trip to Spain at a great price.

In November, I saw your Amazing Deal Alert for flights to Spain, and found an itinerary in February leaving JFK for Madrid on Wednesday night and returning on Monday afternoon. Tickets were $390 each on Delta, and since I had already exhausted the travel credits on both cards, I decided to buy them with some of the bonus points I had earned on the Sapphire Reserve. 

By booking directly through the Chase Travel Portal, the flights for my girlfriend and I ended up costing only about 26,000 Ultimate Rewards points each. While I know there are a lot of other good redemption opportunities, I really couldn’t complain about 26,000 points for a nonstop, round-trip flight to Europe! 

We found a great five-star hotel near central Madrid, with a club-level rate that includes breakfast, an afternoon open bar with tapas, and so on. Best of all, it’s eligible for the fourth night free perk. With the euro and dollar nearly on par, the hotel was reasonably priced, and will cost about $920 for four nights (after the fourth night free credit). All told, we’re getting to Madrid and staying four nights (with breakfast) for 52,000 points and $920 because of these two programs.

We’re looking forward to checking out museums and restaurants in the area: we have reservations at Restaurante Lua, will go to the Prado, see a flamenco show, and maybe take a day trip to Toledo. Thanks for your help in making it happen!

Transferring to airline and hotel partners is generally the best way to maximize your points. When rates are high, you can take advantage of award chart sweet spots and get an outsized return for your rewards. However, when airfare and hotel rooms are cheap, redeeming points directly (at a fixed rate) becomes a more attractive option.

Josh scored round-trip tickets to Europe for under 30,000 points each. Other than off-peak awards using British Airways Avios and the occasional discount promotion, you’re not likely to find similar rates elsewhere. For example, American Airlines charges 45,000 miles round-trip for off-peak MileSAAver awards to Europe, while United awards start at 60,000 miles round-trip. Josh booked his flights for around half that amount, leaving him plenty of points to spend on future travel. Learning when to transfer points versus when to book directly will help you be equally efficient with your own points.

The Citi Prestige’s 4th Night Free benefit remains one of the most valuable travel rewards perks out there. It will lose some of its luster in July, as Citi will begin calculating the rebate based on the average nightly rate (instead of the rate for the actual fourth night), and will no longer include taxes in that calculation. Despite those changes, it’s an easy way to get a substantial discount on hotel stays.

Citi Prestige offers an easy way to save on hotel rooms. Image courtesy of the Gran Melía Palacio de los Duques.

I love this story and I want to hear more like it! To thank Josh for sharing his experience (and for allowing me to post it online), I’m sending him a $200 Visa gift card to enjoy on future travels, and I’d like to do the same for you.

Again, if the strategies you’ve learned here have helped you fly in first class, score an amazing suite, reach a far-flung destination or even just save a few dollars, please indulge me and the whole TPG team by emailing us with your own success stories (see instructions above). Feel free to also submit stories of your most egregious travel mistakes. In either case, you’ll have our utmost appreciation, along with some extra spending money for your next trip.

Safe and happy travels to all, and I look forward to hearing from you!

Featured image courtesy of Dominic Dähncke via Getty Images.

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[allthingstailoredlive-blog]

N.Y.E.: End of Mimi?

Following a turbulent New Year’s Eve performance on Dick Clark’s annual special, social media has been ablaze in regards to the state of Mariah Carey’s future. Many speculate that the superstar’s career is over, with her being the target of several unfavorable remarks and antics. With 2017 officially six days in, will Mimi recover?  And if so, how exactly does she recover from what many consider a career ending performance and the end of her vocal domination?

The fact of the matter is Mariah has been in this position twice before; at the end of  her rope professionally and at the expense of her critics. Recall Mimi’s 2001 debacle, known now as a cult classic, “Glitter”. The release of both the movie and the soundtrack came at a time where Carey suffered an emotional and physical breakdown, as well as simultaneously occurring during 9/11. If you don’t recall that, think back to 2014. Not only did she release an album that many Americans don’t even know exist (yes it sold that little), but she separated from her then-husband of six years Nick Cannon, and suffered two tepidly reviewed performances: the opening to her Elusive Chanteuse Tour in Europe and the extremely popular 2014 performance of “All I Want for Christmas Is You”.

So again, what happened and what’s next for Mariah?

What happened: There are various stories that appear to be surfacing; one from Mariah’s camp, and the other from Dick Clark productions. Despite the saga of what did or did not happen in rehearsal, backstage, etc. the fact remains this. Mariah took the stage to perform for millions of fans watching at home, and hundreds of people in Time Square. Unfortunately, her ear monitors went out. To the normal person, that means absolutely nothing and you would think a performer can still hear what is going on right? No. With hundreds of people yelling and screaming in Time Square colliding with the music blasting from the loud speakers all coming together to echo off of the massive buildings in time square, there is nothing that you can hear; hence, why performers wear the ear piece. There have been several performances where Mariah has snatched her piece out before, however, that has been in environments more intimate where she could at least hear her audio. For anyone who missed it, check her brief interview with Ryan Seacrest prior to the performance, where she tells him she can barely hear him. After attempting to push through the opening intro, it became apparent that Carey couldn’t hear a damn thing. Instead of walking off of stage, she attempted at little moments to go through the motions and produce something, but to no avail. During “Emotions”, she was accused for lip-syncing for singing with a backing track, which is something that ALL performers… I repeat, ALL PERFORMERS do in certain environments as such. As evident in her backing track, Mariah was to sing to the music LIVE. Her verses and choruses were empty, nothing at all was present on the track to indicate she was going to lip-sync, with the possible exception of some of the whistles notes. Realizing she had been through a disaster, Carey attempted to fake through “We Belong Together”, and grew with frustration forcing herself to lip-sync to the backing track and ultimately giving up at the very end of the song. Photos of the night indicated Carey seen crying alongside the stage. While some may complain that even in these circumstances, as I did initially, a performer with Carey’s seasoned experience should’ve been able to finesse something to maximize the situation, in such a situation even that would’ve been cumbersome. At the end of the day, to quote Carey herself ‘shit happens’, and her performance proved that on live television.

Now what?

So what does this mean for the sake of Carey’s future as a superstar? The one thing that was a huge question with Carey’s tepid performance in 2014 was the quality of her voice and her ability to hit her higher register notes. That was not the case with this performance, as she simply didn’t sing at all. As for the sake of her career, let’s revisit Carey’s history with overcoming adversity.

Mariah has been defying obstacles her entire life. Carey grew up biracial — which has been a subject of discussion throughout all of her career. She grew up in poverty and worked tirelessly to make herself a star, establishing herself as a working machine to ensure that carpet could never be pulled out from under her and her accomplishments. Her first album alone has sold close to ten million copies in the United States alone and gave her four consecutive number one singles on the Billboard Hot 100 Chart. She won two Grammys the following year. She would continue by becoming the first artist to have their first five singles reach number one on the Billboard Hot 100, become the first female artist to have two diamond certified albums (sales exceeding ten million copies in the US), first female artist to debut at #1 on the single’s chart (and only artist to have three #1 debuts), release the biggest selling holiday album and modern holiday song in history, have the most number one singles for any solo artist, spend the most weeks at number one more than any other solo artist, has written and produced the most number one singles for any female artist, and have the songs of both the 90s and 2000s decades. These are just some of Carey’s many accolades obtained since “Vision of Love” in 1990. For a woman who won the awards of “Artist of the Decade” from Billboard, “Pop Star of the Millennium” from the World Music Awards, and “World’s Best Selling Female Artist” all within a month of one another, Mariah Carey will forever be apart of music history and should never be written off by anybody for her massive contributions, intellect, and legacy to the music business.

When Mariah went through her first divorce with Tommy Motolla, she released what is arguably her greatest album to date, Butterfly. The album itself continued the sound that she integrated into her previous album, Daydream, in fusing blends of hip-hop and rap with soulful pop and R&B. A style that Mariah perfected with her 1995 hit, “Fantasy”, and it’s infamous remix with ODB — responsible for single-handedly revolutionizing the way that every pop singer here after released, marketed, and remixed their future uptempo/urban singles. Period.

So while 1997 was recovery from a personal quarrel, her professional career seemed in tact. Unlike the train wreck that was the “Glitter” era. After having the lowest first week sales of any Mariah album, having samples stolen from her by Jennifer Lopez, her first lead single peak at #2 instead of #1, a physical meltdown, and a soundtrack album that was released on September 11, 2001, the stage was set for a world of dissatisfied reviewers when the movie was finally released. Not to mention, Virgin Records dropped Mariah from their label that spring. After releasing a moderately selling album in 2002, ‘Charmbracelet’, and teaming with rappers Busta Rhymes and Jadakiss and successful urban records in 2003 and 2004 respectively, ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’ was the biggest thing of 2005. The album sold over six million copies in the United States alone, and over twelve million worldwide. It would win Mariah three Grammys and give her two more number one singles; of them was ‘We Belong Together’, the second longest running number one single in Billboard history, only bested by Carey’s 1995 duet with Boyz II Men, “One Sweet Day”. Combined the two songs spent thirty weeks at the number one spot. The third single, “Shake It Off’, would be blocked from reaching number one due to the massive success of “We Belong Together”, and peaked at number two. The fourth single, “Don’t Forget About Us”, would become her seventeenth number one single, then-tying her with Elvis Presley for solo artists with the most number one hits; a record she would shatter in 2008, when “Touch My Body” would become her eighteenth number one single, not only giving her the most number ones of any solo artist, but earning her a total of 79 weeks at the number one spot in total. The single also set a record at that time for most digital downloads in one week. She married actor Nick Cannon in 2008. Her acting career saw a resurgence with an award-winning performance in the film, ‘Precious’. In 2010, she would release her second Christmas album, which would be the second Christmas album in history to top the R&B Chart. She gave birth to twins, Moroccan and Monroe, in 2011. The word comeback is a complete understatement.

Fast forward to 2014. After what was a debacle of a promotional push, Carey’s fourteenth studio album, “Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse”, tanked in terms of sales. What didn’t take however, is the quality of the album, arguably one of the greatest albums in her entire discography. The album is a complete body of work from start to finish and received critical acclaim from most critics, comparing the album to her classic ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’. Her personal life, however, was a wreck. She and husband Nick Cannon had separated in the fall of that year. Her opening show for her “The Elusive Chanteuse” tour was panned due to weak vocals from Carey having bronchitis. And the epic “All I Want for Christmas is You” performance that she was attacked for that came that December. Carey was indeed at an-all time low.

Later that month, Mariah began what would become an annual residency of Christmas shows in New York City at the Beacon Theater. Each show all three years has been a sold out venue, with critical acclaim of her performances. She would begin a residency in Las Vegas in the Spring of 2015, titled “#1 to Infinity”, that has too been met with critical acclaim from fans and audiences alike. She fell in love again in with former finance, James Packer, and was virtually everywhere on your television screens, including launching a deal with Hallmark to produce holiday films. Her Christmas classic, “All I Want for Christmas Is You”, would reach its peak position of #11 in the winter of 2015 and exceed 3 million in digital downloads. And Carey charged into 2016 with an international tour, both of her residencies, and headlining the 2016 Essence Music Festival all on her agenda. Her Essence concert was one of her best reviewed showcases in years. She launched a docuseries, “Mariah’s World”, and appears to be dating her backup dancer. Combined in 2015 and 2016, estimations are that Mariah has made at least $65 million in the United States alone.

So after these credentials and these degrees of comeback, you’re worrying if she can overcome an N.Y.E. performance? The answer is yes. Technical issues happen to the best of stars and talents. Anyone who is in the entertainment business, with the exception of Jennifer Lopez apparently, understands that. Mistakes take place and life moves on, and so will Mariah and her career. With her two residencies expected to continue this year, a tour with Lionel Richie, the conclusion of her Vegas residency, her Hallmark projects, a role in the upcoming Legos Batman movie, and a rumored new album, you don’t have to worry about your girl bouncing back… it’s obvious she can do that all on her own with the support of her Lambily.

The fact of the matter is, love her or hate her, Mariah is held to one of the most unrealistic levels of expectations by people who claim to not even ‘like’ her, but they can sing plenty of her hits. Or, they judge her antics and completely discredit her legacy in this business, which is complete blasphemy. If you really want to know what this woman is capable of, ignore her singles and listen to an entire album, i.e. Butterfly, Daydream, The Emancipation of Mimi, Me. I Am Mariah, Mariah Carey, etc. Once you’re done, watch her Essence Live Festival Show or Sweet Sweet Fantasy Tour performances from last spring. Lastly, read any professional statement by professional entertainers on what really happened with her NYE performance. After you’re done, done bother giving your opinion because the queen will collect her coin and continue to troll your fave’s entire existence alongside your own for by ignoring or reminding you, “I don’t know her (0r him), either”.

In the meantime, if anyone would like to come at Ms. Carey about her performance you can either “Come up to me and introduce yourself, and say ‘hey, this is my opinion’ That’s how you handle shit” or come reply below to quench your Mariah-bashing thirst…”Baby come and get it, let me give you what you need.”

*drops mic*