#and i was just like omg dude i went through all that at like 14 LMAO | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dirtybitfic · 11 months ago

Text

Road trip

Matt sturniolo fan fiction

-smutttttt,kinda long story might be a couple parts lols

(Contains- touching,teasing , gas station fight , dirty talk etc.and I think the rest of the dirty nasty will be in part 2)

Y/n pov-

Me and Matt have been dreaming of taking a road trip to Vail Colorado for years. Ever since we were about 14 me and Matt have just understood each other in a way that non of our other friends did . We have the same interests and music taste and we also both struggle with mental health and throughout the years we’ve helped each other through it a lot .

When Matt got his license we started talking about all the places we’d love to go to and Colorado was always our biggest dream especially during Christmas time since we both love Christmas and they always decorate their city’s and towns so perfectly that they look like the perfect hallmark Christmas movie towns.

As we got older we started to get more serious about planning a get away for a couple weeks but our parents didn’t think that it would be a good idea until we were at least out of high school which we understood and respected. This past year we all turned 20 and me and matt, Chris and nicks birthdays are only two months apart we decided to do a big conjoined party .

Chris and Nick said they had a big surprise for me and Matt and that they wanted us to open their presents after everyone had left the party . We were both slightly confused but we were excited to see what it would be.

After everyone had left Chris and Nick had us sit down on the couch as they placed bags in our hands .

Me and Matt opened them at the same time and at first we were both confused and laughing because the first thing in the bags were matching beanies .

“Chris why did you make us wait for matching beanies” I asked laughing .

“Y/n you gotta keep opening then it will make sense in a second” Nick said giving me a big smile.

We both looked at each other and reached into the bottom of the bag finding envelopes .

I opened mine first and it was a printed out picture of a gorgeous cabin in the mountains of Colorado.

“Okayyy a cabin ? What did y’all buy a mountain or something” I ask still slightly confused.

“Nooo y/n god turn it over “ Chris says lightly smacking my head.

I laughed and turned it over .

“OMG YOU DID NOT” I said excitedly realizing it was and air bnb in vail Colorado.

“SURE FUCKIN DID KID” Chris yelled back at me smiling.

“We’ll Matt you gotta open yours now” Nick says smiling at him clapping his hands.

“Okay okay give me a second “ Matt says as he opens the envelope.

“YOU RENTED MY DREAM CAR WTF GUYS” he says looking up smiling adorably.

“We sure fucking did dude. We rented you guys the car for 4 weeks . You guys have the air bnb for three weeks in December . We wanted you guys to have the perfect trip you’ve always dreamed of “ Nick says .

I immediately got up and ran at Nick giving him the biggest hug then Chris .

“Guyyyys thank you so much I love it and I love you” I said getting a little teary eyed feeling so overwhelmed.

“Really guys thank you this is better than we could have imagined “ Matt says giving his brothers a hug.

“How did you guys afford this like Jesus this couldn’t have been cheap” I say a little worried for their bank accounts.

“ eh you know we have just been saving for a while but thank our fans for that cause no way would we be able to afford this if our YouTube wasn’t doing so good” Chris says .

“We’ll thank you again this means the world to me i don’t know how I’ll ever repay you guys” I say as tears stream down my face.

“Y/n don’t cry “ Nick says bringing me in for a hug .

“I’m sorry I’m just so happy “ I say laughing a little bit wiping my tears away.

“ we’ll we’re glad you like our present “

“LOVE IT” I corrected Chris.

We all laughed and went to bed .

Now it’s a week away from December and I’m starting to get super excited our trip starts at the begging of December and I need to start packing since we’ll be gone for so mf long.

I decided to FaceTime Matt to see if he would go shopping with me for some more outfits I’ll need .

*ft Matt

(Matt picks up- Matt’s blue , y/n is pink)

Hey what’s up

Hey I just wanted to see if you were up to do a little shopping with me I need to get some more winter outfits for the trip

Yeah of course you want me to come get you

Yeah either way I can get you or you can get me doesn’t matter to me

Okay I’ll come get you In say 10 minutes I know you just love to be a passenger princess

Yeah your right sounds good

Okay I’ll text you when I’m outside

Okay see you in a bit love you

Love you too bye

(Call ends)

After about 15 minutes Matt texted me that he was outside so I put my shoes on and ran down stairs. I locked my door behind me and hopped into the car.

“Hey so where you thinkin the mall” Matt asks

“Sadly yes that’s where all the good stores are” I said sadly he knows I hate the mall.

“Alright let’s go then” Matt says as he starts to put in directions to the mall .

He tells me to connect to aux and play some music .

As come here was ending we were pulling into a spot and Matt turned off the car .

We got out and started walking in after we did a little shopping we ended up grabbing some food and parked to eat.

I cant believe our dream trip is only 4 days way

I know I literally can’t wait I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep I’m getting to excited

No seriously god we’ve been dreaming of this for so long I just can’t believe we’re finally getting to go. But what are you telling the fans since you’ll be gone for so long

Oh we pre filled a good amount of our videos for the next couple weeks but I thought it would be fun to do at-least one vlog with you while we’re on our trip you know most of the fans like you

Awww well that actually could be really fun

Yeah they can see us running around in the snow being fucking stupid that’ll be really fun

Oh yeah can’t wait for them to see me snipe you with a snow ball

Oh really

Oh yeah just wait you’ll never know when I’ll get you I’m really sneaky you know

Yeah yeah whatever

We both laughed and after we finished our food we threw away our trash and he dropped me off at home.

Fast forward 4days——

I finally fished packing last night thank god and I just woke up to my alarm it’s currently 4 am me and Matt decided to get and early start since we’ll be driving pretty far to get to Vail and we want as much day driving time as we can get.

Vail Colorado is about 30 hours from Boston so it’s gonna a loooong drive.

-incoming call from Matt

Hey what’s up

Hey I just picked up the car and holy fuck it’s amazing but I’m otw to get you now I’ll be there in a bout 15.

Okay see you then I’ll make sure to have all my shit down stairs by the time you get here

Okay see you in a bit

Yep byeeee

Call ends

I started bringing all my stuff down and grabbed a blanket for the car just in case one of us gets cold and filled up my water bottle and then put on my shoes .

Matt just texted me he was here and I started to grab some of my bags to take them out to the car.

When I opened the door I audible gasped the car was … gorgeous.

(A BABY BLUE BRONCO FUCK YESSSS MUTHA FUCKAAA)

Matt got out and helped me grab my bags .

Omg Matt the car is so prefect

I know right I can’t believe we get to drive this for 4 weeks

Yeah good thing you make good money cause gas isn’t gonna be cheap

True true

We got my stuff into the back after I locked the door .

Hey my mom made you a breakfast sandwich and that matcha shit you love I set it on the back seat

Awww she is so sweet she didn’t have to do that

I know but she wanted to she always says “y/n is the daughter I never had” you know sometimes we think she loves you more than us

Hey you know that’s not true but seriously I’m gonna text her and tell her thank you

After we hit the road we’ve been sitting in comfortable silence listening to my playlist I made .

Was playing as I started to get hot a little bit surprisingly I thought I’d be cold but my dumbass did what every girl does and wore nothing under my sweatshirt. I started to get uncomfortable and shift around in my seat which Matt noticed pretty easily .

Hey you good you keep shifting around

Yeah just getting a little hot

Well take of your sweatshirt then

I… can’t (I say awkwardly)

Why not?

Because I have nothing underneath

Y/n I don’t care if your just in your bra I don’t want you to be uncomfortable

No Matt I mean I have … nothing on underneath

Ohh ohh shit ummm well you could always just take your pants off unless that’s weird then idk what to tell ya

I mean ig as long as it’s not weird for you

No not at all get comfortable

I started to take my pants off and caught Matt glancing over making my face go red . It’s not like he hasn’t seen me in a bikini but I’m wearing a thong which for some reason feels a bit more intimate to see me in .

Matt clears his throat as I look over at him after I finally get my pants off and throw them in the back seat.

I decide to tease him a little bit cause I think it’s funny

What’s the matter Matt

What oh um nothing just getting a bit hot myself

Here I’ll help you get your sweatshirt off

Oh okay (he says as I help him pull his arms out and pull it over his head )

I gasp quickly realizing he had nothing on under his either. I don’t think he heard me though but god his tattood arm gripping that steering wheel and his big veiny hands . NO WTF AM I THINKING THATS MY BEST FRIEND.

I snap out of my trans to look away but he glanced over at me smirking a little bit.

Why were you staring at my hands y/n

What I wasn’t I don’t know what your talking about

Okay so what were you starring at then hmm

God I have to think fast I’m just gonna sayyyy

Yo-your tattoos I was just like looking at them

Oh well alright

Their just really cool

I moved my hand to trance over his key tattoo

I love this one

Oh really why?

I don’t know I just do

He suddenly moves his hand off the steering wheel I didn’t understand why at first but he moved it so I could trace over his other ones.

I really like this one too -I say tracing over his dog one with its mouth open

And why do you like that one or are you just gonna say . He tries to mock my voice “idk I just do”

First of all I do not sound like that you asshole and no I was actually gonna say I like it because it has a dark vibe and I love tattoos like that it reminds me of this hellhound tattoo I wanna get

Oh really well that’s cool . You gotta show me that Pinterest board you have all your inspiration on cause your tattoos are pretty cool

He says as he moved his hand to my thigh racing the dark moth I got for my first tattoo . The way he’s tracing it has my breathing becoming uneven and my heart starts to race. Idk why I’m feeling this way but Jesus I’m getting wet . It feel wrong but it feels so good.

I cant believe you got your first one on your thigh and it’s big too

Yeah idk I just felt like it was the right place for it

It didn’t hurt?

No it felt good to be honest

Ohh your one of those people huh?

What the Fuck does that mean

You just like pain that’s all

Oh ummm ye-yeah I guess I like the feeling of tattoos a lot honestly I almost fell asleep getting all of mine

Mmm interesting

Why is that interesting

No reason

Yeah okay whatever

God if only he knew . Me and Matt have never really talked about our sex lives with each other I mean sure we talked about when we both lost our virginity but other than that it’s not really our typical conversation.

Their was one time he was on my phone looking for a picture and he almost went into my notes app and I screamed at him so fast to not read anything In there . He obviously got scared and threw my phone at me and apologized but the reason I didn’t want him going in there is because my top note is my kink list .

YEAH MY FUCKING KINK LIST . That’s the last thing you want your best friend of like 15 years to read . He tries to ask me why I got so defensive over it sometimes but I’m to awkward to tell him why. Honestly if he read them I’m scared he’d think I was a freak which I mean I’m a freak in the bed but not as a person u mean you know what I mean.

As I’m deep in my thoughts Matt starts to move his hand further up my thigh which causes me to gasp and snap my thighs shut.

Sorry sorry

N-no your fine it just caught me by surprise is all

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable

He try’s pulling his hand back down but my thighs have his hand locked in

No your fine you didn’t I just ummm I mean you know I have no pants on sooo

Oh trust me I know

He says looking at me with a sly smirk I didn’t know what he meant but my thighs slowly opened back up letting his hand free.

AHHH SHIT BITCH I yelled out this is one of our favorite songs to sing in the car we always goof off and it just puts us in a good mood.

And just when it hit me

He sung as he gently smacked my thigh jokingly causing me to jolt and laugh a little .

PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY

PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC RIGHTT

Yesss Matt

I said as I laughed a little and we kept singing along until the song ended I started to get a little thirsty .

Hey do you got any drinks in the back

Oh yeah I packed you a couple doctor peppers in the little cooler can you grab me one of the Pepsis he says pointing to the little black cooler behind my seat.

Yeah one sec .

I unbuckling and turned in my seat trying to reach back to the cooler but the car was a lot bigger than I realized so I kinda had to bend over the middle console to reach as I was reaching over I could feel his eyes on me and as a joke I giggled my hips a little making my ass move . But what Matt did next shocked me .

I felt his hand smack down on my ass hard causing me to scream out from shock and the sting since it was straight skin to skin contact.

MATT

HEY IF YOUR GONNA PUT IT IN MY FACE LIKE THAT IMA SMACK IT

He says putting his hand up in defense . I sat back down and handed him his Pepsi .

You know I know I shouldn’t say this but… you have a nice ass

Oh I…th-thank you

I tried to hide the blush that was creeping on my face .

I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that

No no It’s fine you just made blush

I said laughing a little bit

Oh cute he said smirking at me

Oh shut up

I said shoving his arm playfully .

Do you mind if I take a little nap

No not at all we got a long while to go to so get some sleep I’ll wake you up when I stop for gas in a bit so you can pee and stuff

Okay

I got comfortable and dozed off .

I started to have a wet dream about Matt . He was touching me in places that felt so good and he was making me call him daddy and all this crazy shit and I was just getting to the good party when I got woken up by Matt shaking me telling me we were at the gas station.

Hey I’m stopping for gas you wanna wait her while I pump the gas and then we can go inside to pee and grab some snacks

Huh oh yeah yeah let me put my pants on

I reached back still half asleep trying to find my pants and I grabbed them and slid them back on.

I waited while he pumped the gas then we went inside. I didn’t relize I had to pee so bad until I got to bathroom and Jesus Christ I felt a lot better after I finished I walked back out looking for Matt seeing he was over by the drink section I started to walk over when I bumped into someone.

Oh my god I’m so sorry I said to whoever I bumped into

Yeah you should be fucking sorry princess

The guy says raising his voice at me causing me to take a step back kinda shocked

You don’t have to be a dick it was an accident

Don’t raise your voice at me sweetheart that’s not gonna end well for you he says getting In my face.

I started to get anxious and tears started to well up in my eyes I tried to keep them in to not show this guy I was scared of him.

Awwww you gonna fucking cry

I started looking back to find Matt but I didn’t see him anymore . Fuck he probably thinks I just went back to the car.

I …

You what bitch he spit the words out in my face as he towered over me . My fight or flight kicked in and I started to run away to the door to get to the car.

I opened the door and got half way across the parking lot before I got yanked back by my hair.

Where you going sweetheart. What did I scare you huh he said in my ear making me feel sick.

God where is Matt I started to say in my head as the tears started to stream down my face and I reached back to get the guy to let go of my hair .

That made him pull harder causing me to wine from the pain.

He kept saying mean ass shit in my ear but I was starting to have a panic attack which caused my hearing to go out all the sudden I saw Matt running at the guy and shoving him off me . Matt picked me up like I was nothing speed walking back to the car I was shaking in his arms .

He opened the door and set me down before closing the door and running to his side I’ve never seen him move so fast in my life I just curled into a ball crying from shock of what the actual Fuck just happened .

I’m so sorry y/n I thought you came back to the car or where still in the bathroom I would have never left you in there alone

I… I k-know you wou-wouldn’t I’m okay I - pr-promise I’m just sh-shaken up a b-bit

I know sweet girl I’m so sorry really come here

He said as he pulled me into him engulfing me in a big hug instinctively I crawled over the middle and sat on his lap sideways just wanting him to hold me for a second .

Shhhh it’s okay I got you

Matt says as he rubs my hair and holds me close

I smilled a little as I felt my body stop shaking and my nerves starting to calm weirdly Matt just has that effect on me he always knows how to calm me down.

After a bit I start to laugh a little .

What why are you laughing he said with a small chuckle

I’m a 20 year old woman sitting in your lap crying like your my dad and I’m a little girl having a nightmare it’s just kinda funny

I mean yeah when you put it like that

Okay I think I’ve calmed down thank you Matt

Of course pumpkin he says squishing my cheeks

MATT WHAT THE FUCK I say bursting out laughing

What I was just acting like a dad as a joke from what you said

Okay I mean it was funny and it cheered me up so

Good now get your cute little ass back in your seat so we can get going

Okay okay I’m goingggg

I said with a big smile and blushing checks. Did he just call me CUTE. Omfg he is gonna be the death of me . First my wet dream now this Fuck me this is gonna be a longggg trip.

I qued up some music and layed back in my seat and started getting hot again so I took off my pants. I guess the ac doesn’t work to well in here cause Jesus the heat gets hotter than a mother fucker and unless we wanna roll down the windows we aren’t cooling off anytime soon.

Started playing and I was just shaking my head along reading a couple text from some friends I had missed during my nap.

So uhh can I ask you something

Yeah ofc

What exactly made that guy grab you like that

Well um I had just come out of the bathroom and I was heading over to you by the drinks where you were and I accidentally bumped into him and then he started to get mad and all up in my face so I ran out the door and then he kinda I just chased me

damn all over you bumping into him

Yep I guess so

What a psycho

Yeah cause wtf I even said sorry like 5 times

Well at-least your okay

Yeah thank god you came to the rescue

Also uhhhh what we’re you dreaming about earlier

Oh uhhh why I shifted awkwardly in my chair wandering why he’d wanna know

Well you were kinda sleep talking a little bit

Uh oh what um what did I say

I was getting really fucking nervous now

Well um you said my name a couple times and then well you said daddy a couple times too

Ahahah ohhhh um weirdddddd yeah idk why I said that

Yeah hmmmmm what we’re you dreaming

He said more in a demanding tone

You really wanna know I asked nervously

Yeah I do

Okay I was uhh kind of having a wet dream

Ohhh I see was it about me

Maaaatt stooop

What come on just tell me now I really wanna know

Okay yeah you were in it

Damn well was it good

Mhm yeah sure ig can we move on

No no I wanna know the details

Keep your eyes on the road Mathew

Okay okay if I keep my eyes in the road will you tell me what happened

Yes I’ll tell you

Okay my eyes are glued to this rode now speak

Okay um well you were you know telling me how hot I was and you were asking me if I liked being fucked like a slut and you know I was like yes and you said yes what and I was like yes matt cause I didn’t know what you wanted me to say and you said nope try again and I said yes daddy and you know you started touching me and then you asked me to read my list of kinks to you and so I did and then yeah the dream ended .

Well uhhh I- um

I looked over and saw his face was a little red and he was shifting in his seat.

Yeah well you just begged me to tell you sooo

Yeah well your right I did. Was it at-least a good dream

Yeah yeah it was uh good

Oh yeah . So uhh is that kink list in your notes app

I- uh — ye-yeah

Read it to me

What Matt no that’s so embarrassing

What no it’s not

Why do you wanna know my kinks Matthew

I just do okay

Okay okay fine but you can’t judge me

I would never judge you y/n

Okay let me open it up real quick okay ummm god this is so embarrassing

Oh come on they can’t be that bad

Okay um

Humiliation, dominant x submissive , role play, whips, sadism,exhibitionism,dirty talk, auralism, orgasm control, impact play, consensual non consensual, praise kink, degradation by words, knife play, blood kink and uhh yeah that’s it .

Oh wow ummm alright

So uhhh the dominant one do you like to be the dominant or like

Oh god no I’m absolutely the submissive

Okay good

Good what do you mean good

Oh nothing nothing . So uh what’s consensual non consensual?

Well um I don’t know how to explain it well let me look up the definition, okay well it says it’s a style of bdsm where both people agree but one person acts in non consensual behaviors.

Oh so like if I held you down and told you to take it while you struggle and try to get away would that be that

Oh I uh y-yeah that seems pretty on point yep

At this point I could feel how wet I had become from that sentence coming out of him mouth just imagining him do that made me wanna scream.

I didn’t realize I had been squeezing my thighs together but he did.

Aww is someone getting a little worked up

No Matt shut up

Really then show me proof that you are or aren’t

What do you mean

Spread your legs

What

Spread you fucking legs

He said as he put his hand on my thigh prying them apart.

My breathe hitched as I looked down at his hand moving slowly up my leg.

His fingers hit the lace of the thong over my soaking wet core causing a small wine to escape my lips.

Now why would you lie to me hmm your so wet

I didn’t lie I just didn’t tell you the truth I said then realized that’s the exact definition of fucking lying

So you fucking lied sweetheart he said smirking over at me

Yeah I guess I lied

If I touch you will you be a good girl and stay quite for me

Okay PART 2 coming soooooon…

💋

#spotify #smut #fanfiction #matt sturniolo #dirty nasty

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bigcats-birds-and-books · 7 months ago

Note

1, 12, 14 for Lucius and Driscoll? 👀

HELLO FRIEND THANKS FOR ASKING!! referring to this post.

since this all qualifies as Deep Lore Hours (which i love!! you're the best!!), and i'm a wordy person, have a cut checkpoint on your dash:

1. What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

lucius actually happened because i asked claire for a starting blirb [sic] in ms. mecoli's creative writing class in high school (remember that???), and she gave me a bit about lucifer standing outside a churchyard with a big black dog*, and i thought "hm. bit on the nose," (for the weird little christian fiction thing i thought i was writing, which has obviously since mutated Significantly), so i changed it to lucius. originally he was the Antagonist™, and human although he didn't realize he came out of a test tube just like bewinged lili did, and all i knew about him was grown-up white dude with black hair.

obviously, he has since undergone SIGNIFICANT revisions (lol. lmfao, even), but embryonically he started with a modified name!! (i went digging through my archives, and i do in fact still have the index card with claire's pencil writing below my pen request! wild.)

(i don't actually remember when i decided he needed wings too, but i think it was around the time i realized i wanted my protags to be all Not Exactly Me, and therefore boy protag would be Different, and then he got his black wings!)

*the big black dog has also made it back into this version, after falling out of the intermediates!! vanya, my beloved, ...

for driscoll, i vaguely remember the purple hair probably being first (i recall chewing on finding The Right Name for a while?). to confirm, i went into THAT archived notebook (red, helpfully labeled "LIMINAL PREWRITE," with "LANGUAGE AND COMP" obliterated beneath thanks again, high school).

weirdly, the first four (4) pages of the driscoll thing is NOT the character profile (that shows up on page 5, and does mention purple hair/brown eyes/physical appearance), but one of these OC ask meme type things, transcribed into the notebook. hilariously, the very first question is "If they want to buy a firearm, what would it be for?" which. omg. (my answer eventually got to "no they wouldn't lol," but it's wild to see how that slow revelation happened on september 3, 2017, when i was first figuring this kid out.)

so apparently first for driscoll i wrote some random character finding Q&As, and then i have the story of their misplacement, and then the physical details, which: wild, on all fronts, to me. (it's a good thing i keep my notebooks in an archive refrigerator tower, or i would've bluescreened on driscoll 100% haha.)

12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

oooh, good question. my lucius answer is probably biased, because i hadn't started doing the Bitch Journal while i was working through that drafting/those revisions (and i have the object permanence of a fruit fly), but i THINK my biggest difficulty was figuring out the right balance of ~Interiority~? and i still don't love where i left that querying draft at (now, after four years' distance, lol), but getting the right balance of Thoughts and Reactions down on the page was difficult for me, which i suspect was because i've been too in his head for so long, if that makes sense? like the things he notices and what he narrates on imply enough of the interiority to me that i don't see gaps readers do (because, shocker, they HAVEN'T been living in his head since uh. 2007.). and i think i cut away some of the interiority in my preliminary Wordiness Passes, which nerfed me, but i started fixing that in the fourth draft!

my driscoll answer is just. a web of angst lol. and i know most of it is Living Situational/Circumstantial, so we're going to Ignore That and just answer with the Actual Textual Difficulties.

so: driscoll's Actual Textual Difficulties are mostly that i started out writing thing as "someone i'd like to be" with regards to kindness and gentleness and how much they care about people, but somehow i had to backpedal and get a Character Development Conflict in there, which is hard when my starting point was "very good noodle." i think i'm getting there!! but nesting competing wants into a late-stage draft without breaking anything (or, y'know, while finding stealth-broken things that i didn't think were), is a Trying Time™. i'm leveling up about it! enjoying the leveling up!! i'd be leveling up faster if i wasn't burning all this emotional bandwidth on a bullshit living situation! we're fine!!

14. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

OH FUN, i percolated on this on my WHOLE BIG WALK yesterday, thank u for this enrichment

lucius: first, physicality is key. he has to be Very Aware of where he is in physical space/how much of it he's taking up (because an 18+ foot wingspan really doesn't fuck around, and only half the time is he somewhere that his dimensions are accommodated). when his awareness slips, it (1) has to be for a good reason and (2) usually results in something breaking, and both of those are fun to play with >:D

second, what he notices needs to read like More Than Human--he's got raptor vision, and he's spent half his life around other hybrids with combat training, so he's very visually Intense™ and good at reading a wide variety of body language. and because he's Friends with these combat trained hybrids, he's asked a lot of questions, and he notices a lot more than human people would.

driscoll: first, child, you have physical limitations, and you ignore them at your own peril. i put this kid in a shifting monsterscape armed with pretty much just a flashlight and the distinct ability NOT to be able to run away from their problems (because their lungs don't cooperate), so both driscoll and i have to be very aware of the Exit Plan for any situation they get themselves into (and they get into a Lot of Situations).

second, another dual-wielding type of thing: driscoll is both weirdly in tune with In Between and mostly cannot tell people that, so how i write about them navigating has to change depending on who they're with. hazard is the only one they're fully open with at the start, and they have to be carefully guarded with the other walkers/crew, AND they have to tell newly misplaced just enough to inspire confidence without revealing so much that they (the newly misplaced) will be Suspicious if they stick around to become townspeople themselves. it's a Lot to keep in mind (perhaps uh. More. than i kept in mind. in drafts two and three lol. we're working on it.)

THANKS AGAIN FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN!!!

#ask meme #ask game #oc asks #lucius #driscoll #in btw #aw #vanya #(mentioned)#hazard #(also mentioned lol)#pyr0clast #text #writing #answered #forreal thanks friend i love this shit i'm sorry i'm so wordy i did try to peel some filler words out lmao #loved going into the deep lore and reminding myself where they came from :)#the pros of being a paper hoarder lolol

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khodorkovskaya · 1 year ago

Text

10.06.23

went to my oxford bestie's dance show yesterday and omg she was so good!!! her group did french cancan and she really stole the show!

it was in a town nearby, so lucien drove me and my manchester bestie there. he was on steroids so he acted a bit weirder than usual. but overall it was great!

so i thought about my manchester bestie and i feel like maybe mischaracterised her a bit in my previous posts. bc i really couldn't put my finger on what was it about her that was bothering me so much. it's weird. because she's not stupid, nor is she lost in life. she has very strong values and she understands herself and her boundaries very well. she knows what she wants out of life, despite a lot of other people my age, who just float through life, figuring things out on the go. no, she has an answer to every question and doesn't back down.

she's always been like this. ive known her since we were 14 and i think that's why drifting apart from her is hard for me to begin with. she was my first kiss god damn it! like we had so many teenage firsts together, even more so than with my london bestie! and yeah, she's always had this set in stone moral compass. but now this part of her is even more prominent. she's had a lot of mental health issues, so she's done all kinds of therapy and it really made her hyperaware of her own self. she knows exactly what kind of person she is, what she likes and doesn't like, what's good for her and what isn't, etc. and it should be an admirable trait, right?

but here's the thing. weirdly enough, despite the fact that she's ahead of me in life on every level (she's doing a phd while im only just finishing my bachelors, she's been living by herself ever since she was 18, she's married, she's super well travelled, etc. etc.), she weirdly comes off as very limited. not stupid because she's not stupid. but just like... i don't know how to explain it. despite all of her extraordinary experiences, everything she's been through, etc. her comprehension of the world and society is just like... limited. like the thing i brought up about her talking about how she wants her kids to do the IB. like the way she said it... idk.

like, as i said before, it's not the wealth that's the issue. it's the ignorance. and more specifically, the lack of curiosity. because there are people who, despite their upbringing, are so profound. we talked about this with my stepdad this morning. and he has a very engineer-like way of seeing life. like any time he encounters something new, he wants to understand it to the very core. how does this thing work? why does this process happen? and he asks himself why and how all the time. he's always been like this.

meanwhile with my manchester bestie, she's just like not very curious, if that makes sense...? she has strong values and opinions, which is great and will get her far in life, but she never asks herself questions. and it's so weird.

like i remember when we were teens i invited her to visit my father in montenegro with me over the holidays. and my father is well... yknow. he's a character. and my bestie would be like "oh my god, in my family we aren't allowed to watch tv while eating or slurp our food!". and i was like yep, same here. except that's how it is at my father's place and he doesn't care. he's not my father in the sense that my bestie's father is her father. my mum is my parent, meanwhile my father is just like some dude i go on holiday to. and he lives the life of a childless man with a former hooker girlfriend in the balkans. and my bestie just like couldn't comprehend that. and what's worse, it felt like she didn't even want to pause to try and understand things. so at some point i just stopped trying to "justify" myself by explaining to her why my father would act the was he did. it just didn't come through to her, no matter what.

and that's still how she is i think. just accepting everything she sees in her bubble as normal and as a given, never asking herself questions. and when something is outside the norm, that's "weird" and "wrong", no explanation needed. doing a-levels is wrong because it doesn't give you the same skills as the IB does, not putting your kids into a bunch of after school activities is wrong because your kid is gonna become stupid by spending too much time on their ipad, etc. there couldn't be any other explanation on why some parents don't do that, right?

and, as ive said, the frustrating thing is that she's never gonna have to leave that bubble. all of her friends are from the same kind of social bubble, her husband was also an international school kid, her career isn't gonna make her confront other kinds of realities. and, most importantly, she's just like... not curious. and that's what bothers me about her.

#june

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applejongho · 2 years ago

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2022 was the first year I considered myself an actual content creator and has also been my first full year of gif making so I thought it would be fun to compile some of the giffing highlights of the year. thanks jazzy @woosansang for tagging me in this event! In combing through all of my gifs I found a lot of growth and improvement in my own gif making skills (coloring is so much better (!!!!!!!), sharpening is so much better) which is something I'm really proud of because it was always something I beat myself up for. There is always room for improvement but that doesn't negate where I am now!

Besides my improvement as a gif maker, here are some highlights of the content:

the first eight months of the year belonged completely to jongho. I was at peace with the world. everything was fine. and then, everything changed when the dude with the cane attacked. I now have another bias. thanks and fuck you hongjoong

there were always spooky posts. no matter the time of year.

this was the year I started and completed my AUteez series, where I match ateez with an alternate universe that fits them. This series is a testament to my coloring skills and shows off my imagination. One of my favorite things I've done, ever

my 2MVapplejh series, where I color match two music videos that (usually) have similar elements in them. I also really like this series too but I don’t work on it that often

no pressure tagging! the instructions are simple, post links to both your most popular and your favourite sets for each month in 2022. I also included special mentions every month and tracked my hongjoong descent by comparing the amount of posts I made of him vs jongho. ha.

@2h0gi @hwanswerland @sanhwaiting @sanchelinz @jjongho @jonghho @chwejongho @jeong-yunhoes @mingified @cruellajoong @xuseokgyu @hwichanis

JANUARY

most popular: hongjoong in halazia

favorite: spooky jjong and rhythm ta

special mention: my first post using vapoursynth!

total posts made: 21 (4 are jongho....................... 12 are hongjoong)

if you’ve made it this far... 2022 was really bad for me (in terms of personal life) but ateez helped me out tremendously by keeping me entertained. I hope 2023 will be better for me and I’ll have a chance to grow in my self-expression, confidence, and, well,,,, ateez content creating lol. I already know there will be at least one big event – I’m going to hit 1k followers!

See y’all in 2023!

#applejh2022yr #ok to rb #in fact pls do rb i love hearing what other people think

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tmwcs · 2 years ago

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darlingg I just finished chapter 13 and im speechless and overall just shocked- first of all, the fact that vicky had a part in the plan 🥹 and I love how you gave us her perspective of ethan and the reader throughout all the chapters like ugh so good, second of all, can we talk abt what vicky and reader went through all because of a rat-demon hybrid named tiff???? she deserved what happened to her (and whats coming for her teehee eden knows whats up) ANYWAYS THIRD OF ALL THIS WAS WHAT I WANTED TO SEE THE ETHAN X EDEN DUO HOLYY SHITTT THAT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS brb im calling netflix rn I need to have it in a show 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 ur brain is just *chefs kiss this needs an oscar ALSO the emily and jake duo??? theyre badass come on I love them mwaaa 😌 AND BTW LETS TALK ABT EDEN TOO AT THE END?!!! TIFF GIRLLL BAHAHAH AT THIS POINT IMMA JUST SAY MY GOODBYES TO HER save me a seat in hell (jkjk)

I think I am completely in love with eden/reader her character is so beautifully written and plus im also scared of her- overall my thoughts are all over the place and I still need time processing these events amen. ilysm rin 🙌‼️💗

AW LOVE!!! you made my day! i'm so glad you enjoyed it because i loved it! i was goiing to post it tomorrow but i couldn't wait, so i skipped the proofread and just issued it out because...COME ON! I had to! everything you mentioned, oh girl.....it's just....to me, it was all of that plus...can we take a moment and applaud Ethan for his sneaky plan on figuring out how to get to the reader??? and the way he did it? like he literally was having barely there phone sex with this bitch and got her completely eating out of the palm of his hand...dude..ETHAN!!!! Man i love ethan.

Vicky..i always liked vicky. yeah she screwed up in MGR but.....it just made it easier for Ethan and Heeseung to get his hands on you. But yeah, Vicky had a part in it and she did excellent! If you recall in chapter 11 part 4, Heeseung made that phone call, but i didnt elaborate who he called. he just said "Hey I can't explain, but i need you to do something for me.." and then remember in the car after jake picked him up from chasing the van on foot, heeseung kept getting those texts, that was vicky. those phone calls that he kept ignoring, was tiff. so alot of references to chapter 11 part 4 right there ;)

Fucking jake is such a badass it's like.....omg i can't even. and Eden fucking aiding and helping Emily find her inner strength by telling her teh exact same thing she said to reader "Sometimes you gotta bite back." like holy crap Eden....fucking QUEEN STATUS!!!

And then MY personal favorite...ahem....the smut scene. Because it was pure Heeseung but he was like.....he was like dangerous but without Ethan at all. that was like....whoa for me.

and of course...muahahahaha yo...tiff......"Tifffffffff." yeah...she's about to get it. omg chapter 14 is going to be just as equally as awesome!

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userblaney · 2 years ago

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racism rant part 23456786543245

the double standards are through the fucking ROOF. it actually makes me want to fucking strangle someone. if i get called 'racist, and anti white' for saying that white ppl cannot experience racism and get held back when i have another lesson????? then a pasty ass dude call me, the n word (im fucking brown anyway) IN FRONT OF A TEACHER?? AND NOT FACE ANY CONSEQUENCES??? and if i report them?? i'm 'mistaken' and hes 'just uneducated'??? number one. educate them?? number 2. thats unfair???? these incidents happened when i was 14 btw. but do u know what is even more painful?? when ppl 100% know what they are doing, what theyre saing and the meanings of theyre actions and consequences. im talking about higher ups, teachers, slt members, shopkeepers, all that. it makes me so fuckING MADDDD. im in a class with one of my friends. she has a pretty noticeable indian accent bc she yk. moved here from india less than 2 yrs ago?? but her english is perfectly understandable. yet this bitch (ofc middle aged cishet white man) decides to pretend he has no clue what shes saying. anD PROCEEDS TO MOCK HER??? the audacity he has. hes also called me the saddest and most awkward person ever for waiting for him to fimish his converstaion. which ok yeah i am, however if alex (white kid) waits for him to finish his convo before asking something. hes polite and well behaved and praised like crazy. its not much but its very worthy of a fucking boot in the face. and if i report him?? im disrespectful. ofc i am. its jus banta inni. cant u take a joke? NOT IF ITS FUCKING RACIST I CANRT. oh yeah dont even count the number of times ive been called paki. another huge thing, im sure poc would relate to (specifically 1st gen immigrants) is being underestimated like fucking CRAZYYY dont even lieeee. when i was in primary, i was rlly good at readinf so like everytime i had a sub or wtvr yeah theyd always b like omg ur english is so good!! no shit i was born here. ur accent is rlly welsh omg i thought itd be different!! no shit i was born here. do you understand what that means?? yeah dw. my personal fave is one where ur doin sumt wrong or zoned out like ill give u an example. the local co op makes a queue for the skl kids since its right by our skl and i was waitin once bc i had to get milk n eggs on my way home innit then. i had a major migraine so i was zonin out all day and i happened to zone out while second in the q. then i was allowed in then for abt 30 secs i dint realize, then atp someone nugded be from behind so. i went in. then the security guard asked me if spoke english??? even tho id spoken to him on previous days bc im a rlly regular visitor???? anyway long story short, id been called a 'fuckin immigrant' but yeah. i'm just mad bc how can ppl who we are supposed to trust treat us like that and thing thats ok????? yeah its nutn new k bye

#sorry my friend told me a teacher was mocking her accent again 😀😀#tw racism #its also been mb 4 months since my last racism rant #personal #also. dont try to understand this. very poorly written

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namuneulbo · 1 year ago

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week eighty-six

i was so busy on sunday so i couldnt post in time. sorry!! ill write and post this now at 1 am on monday. it was a good sunday though, cute person at the till but i got so flustered i forgot to look at their last name when i ided them so i just know his first name and middle name loool. went to the bar after work w c, l and s. we then went for food and ate in the school cafeteria. a cute security guard came after a while and asking for us to show our keys to prove we could be there lol.

ive been listening to loooots of saosin. im so in love w their stuff. so the sotw is obvious hehe.

okay now ill go through the week in order lol.

monday i dont really remember. just work.

i had a shorter shift on tuesday, only four hours! afterwards i met up w e and e and we walked around town and then had some food and then went to some shops. it was fun and time went by so fast.

on wednesday i thought id have to rawdog the music quiz and just go alone and hope id find someone ik there to play w BUT c came home just in time so she joined me along w d, e and s. s left before the results and d and e left right after the results. we did HORRIBLY!!! we came like,, 9th ??? out of 14 probably?

s joined us afterwards and m also joined in after a bit. i thought it was a lot of fun but apparently ive now gotten the news that s is... a bit weird. idk, i always thought my friends were kind of,,, making him seem worse than he is but ig im starting to understand what they find so odd ab him and back on wednesday i still enjoyed his company. after talking for a while, m left to go to another table and c and i were left w s. h joined us at one point and omg i was so excited ab it, i think hes so cool and cute and sweet and i kind of fangirled internally. like truly its not like a crush or anything, hes just so sweet and funny so i was so excited to talk to him. THEN..... D JOINED??? idk if ive talked ab him too much on here but basically hes just this bassist dude whos so fucking cool to me and ive never spoken to him and before this i hadnt even sat at the same table as him or stood within the same circle as him. ig this experience was quite humbling though lol i think i made him up to be more talkative and louder than he actually is. nothing bad ab that i just realized ive probably made him way cooler in my mind than he is irl. hes just human lol. hes still cool to me though but i need to mention that its funny that c had literally said to me like “girl, ur hyping him up way too much. hes just a man.” and now i was indeed proved right. he is just a guy lol. its kind of become an inside joke by now though and i like that ive created that correlation to him now so itll always be in the back of esp c and ls minds. i did fangirl a lot when he sat down at our table out of nowhere though and it was so funny bc c kept giving me a look.

d left quite quickly to go to talk to others and after a while me, c, h and ss convo turned into a film bro convo bc apparently all three of them r film bros and i havent seen like,, any movies so they started listing movies from every era and of every genre that i had to watch and it was so funny. after they had been listing stuff for a good 15 minutes they finally said dead poets society and i could finally be like “IVE SEEN THAT ONE”. i then watched interstellar the next day... no reason why i specifically watched that one...

after watching interstellar on thursday, i got so inspired to go learn cornfield chase on piano so i ran to school at 12 am but obviously it was closed. i knew it would be but sometimes the gates might still be open or something so there r loopholes but yeah, not this time. i checked every door lol. i still havent gone to practice it. i practiced a little bit at home on the keyboard but it sounds so bad and its so hard to play, mainly ergonomically.

friday! played sims all day and then went for a drink w t. we then went for a walk and then got some food to end the evening. i love them sm <3

saturday was work again but it was a five hour shift that went by pretty fast and it was such a weird shift lol. theres this guy that comes in every now and then and weve always had this little tension between us, like a pretty obvious romantic tension. i remember all the times hes been at the till while i was working. one time he was also just in the store while i was fixing some shelves, i think i was specifically organizing cat food? anyways, first time, i actually cant remember fully if it was him but im pretty sure?? idk, like i said, i get flustered when i see pretty ppl so i just remember a BIG tension and his hand shaking a bit when holding his card to the card reader. second time he bought cigarettes and i ided him and TURNS OUT ITS A GUY I WENT TO ELEMENTARY W LOLLLL. hes two years older than me and all i remember of him is that he used to show me gore on the computer at the after school thingy we were at. honestly shaped me a lot as a child probably. i wonder if he remembers me from that as well. anyways. he bought food some other time too and i remember just really feeling the tension still. like its sm fun??? like how u can feel that we both find each other so attractive yet no one says anything apart from just smiling and doing like a specific type of eye contact and just like idk... speaking in a certain tone ig??? its sm fun. hes so hotttttt. anyways on saturday he came in twice, once w his friend (who i also know and hes not a great guy sooooooo) and that time his friend was just buying cigarettes but he stayed away for some reason and like fully turned his back to me lol idk what that was ab but then after an hour or so he came in alone to buy some quick meal and the tension was back. i think he mightve genuinely just avoided me the first time bc he didnt want his friend to know??? or am i being totally delusional rn?

later that shift d shows up. THE d. we were both as surpised lol i just looked up from my phone when i heard someone start piling up stuff on the conveyor belt and then i meet eyes w him and his eyes widen just as much as mine and hes like “hi!” and im like “hi!”. we dont say anything else but it was just so funny and i keep smiling lol. hes so iconic to me. maybe a little hot too but like mostly iconic. i think. he is QUITE hot though... like to be fucking fair....

THEN omg. this was so fucking funny and i laughed ab it for the rest of my shift. this guy came in to buy alcohol and he was young so he showed id before i even got to asking him for it and his name is literally the same as w, my crush. FIRST AND LAST NAME WERE THE SAME??? what a fucking coincidence??????? it was so funny and i had to keep myself from bursting out in laughter in front of him it was so fucking weird. i didnt think w had THAT common of a name. like yeah first name sure, one of the more common ones for his age but like first and last name??? woah.

anyways, thats a fucking wrap.

sotw: saosin - racing toward a red light

#diary #tumblr diary #namuneulbo

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narwhalandchill · 7 months ago

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oh omg this is such a great addition like disjointed what??? nooo ur golden i loved reading this sm thank uuu for adding to the discussion!!! i love talking abt this dude

bc like. honestly. i havent really even Thought abt the mechanics behind how the specific lie came to be and like. as u say. it really is just such a stupid fucking choice for a cover story its kinda insane . i have already been obsessed over how Bad this entire teucer debacle is and reading this made me realize its even Worse ajax & co what is your problem 😭😭 seriously

i rly love how u thought thru the logistics of the toyseller thing man like childe coming up with this whole thing when hes younger and more rash and Not thinking things through and very much like. making this clumsy out-of-touch attempt at Figuring Out whats cool with the Kids (TM) these days in a more or less genuine attempt to connect w teucer and impress him somehow except its really not that. Great. makes So much sense omg. him coming up w the whole thing on the spot... its so cringe hes such an embarrassment. what is he Doing

and then instead of interfering to correct the story or like. talk with ajax abt this whole deal his family kinda just. doesnt step in at all. like is the subject of childes employment and life in the fatui THAT much of a fucking taboo in this dysfunctional household ???? that they cant even hold a single proper conversation about how to handle the harbinger in the room?? theyre so horrible 💀

ALSO I KNOWWW abt just saying hes in the fatui like DUDE thats basically just the snezhnayan government + military + foreign policy dept + etc amalgamation??? theres probably Multiple families in morepesok who have kids employed in the fatui as a perfectly normal thing not even necessarily serving as combatants but in like. logistics and homeland security and such. like stuff that is Very easy to explain as a temporary white lie to a kid like teucer and then slowly graduate into getting closer to the truth of it

and YES childe has a very good reputation for a harbinger!!!! like now that u brought it up its just. holds head in hands. his stupid fucking lie got like 12 times worse after i read ur points what the hell KJWDJKWJKDDWJK

Like. to bring up a few.

he has popularized a Whole fucking fishing gadget. CANONICALLY. in snezhnaya. just bc he uses it a lot and the people saw him using it and went fucking wild for it like omgggg a lord harbinger endorses this product We MUST have it!!!!

theres one of those mini jokey comics Literally showing how Jarringly chill and nice childe is to those who work w him and how the agent whose pov its from just highkey puppy crushes on how unexpectedly charming and not-unreasonably-demanding-or-threatening he is like 😭😭 its still one of my favorites

HE CANONICALLY ATTENDS AND SOMETIMES EVEN DOES PUBLIC PERFORMANCES???? like. yes its hard to say how much these people know abt his actual job description (make life hell for snezhnayas enemies by being a walking chaos disaster problem magnet who has Great fun thriving in the eye of the storm he brings) but. hes definitely not getting rotten tomatoes thrown at him

so like. yes. they couldve just So Easily leaned in to telling teucer hes in the fatui and working overseas and slowly ease into the truth. like i get that maybe leaving the harbinger thing out entirely might still be better but. compared to his colleagues. childes street cred should be WAY sufficient enough to outright acknowledge. but like do his parents even know any of this shit or do they just refuse to even look up who their son is now???????? so many fucking questions

and like. yes. yes. SO much of this is on his parents too and like. for me i try to emphatize w them in the sense that like. realistically. both his parents and likely his older siblings (+ other ppl from morepesok who were closely involved with Ajax 14 Disaster Era) might well be just. actually traumatized to varying degrees from what happened bc as ive said. its just a horror movie from their pov. so like i do think there is a very human and understandable component to how dysfunctional and non-communicative this family ended up in the aftermath of everything but it doesnt rly take away from how Bad it still is (esp since the one suffering from it now is teucer whos completely innocent). but thats why im so obsessed w the entire thing too like man. chef kiss. its such a messy tragedy

ik that hoyo most likely wont want to go This deep into the horror of this particular family so like canons contributions to this subject will prolly be limited at best but . at least for Now i am free to speculate and imagine All i want and it really just is so scrumptious. i rly do hope we get at least some information on the whole situation in the future tho

spicy take incoming but i kinda wish ppl werent so desperately attached to and protective of this moniker of Great Big Brother 100% Perfect So True And Real when it comes to childe bc honestly. he really isnt (perfect or even that good at times) and to me acknowledging the ways both he and his family (for enabling him) are in some ways kinda just. doing teucer incredibly dirty in the long term but only with the best of intentions in the short term is so much more interesting than just pretending hes a flawless brother?? like it only adds to the drama and irony of it all man like theyre rly so dysfunctional as a family unit its great. even if hoyos likely never exploring that shit in its true depth it still lives rent free in my head for sure lol

like. you rly dont have to turn ajax into some sort of unfeeling uncaring monster of a shit brother to acknowledge that he does, in fact, repeatedly make incredibly reckless and selfish choices during his SQ with teucer and in general by choosing to obstruct the truth of who he is from lil bro so completely?

like this stuff can be nuanced and coexist with his absolutely 100% genuine commitment to protecting teucers bubble of a worldview (and w the theme of childlike dreams and wishes being so prevalent in general who knows what could be cooking w that one in particular) and his loyalty and love for his family without just having to whitewash the dumb shit he does lmao

like just bc hes capable of and willing to face the potentially grave repercussions of absolute bangers (🙄🙄) like teaching an actual fucking child to consider ruin machines fun besties and 100% insta ready to fuck himself up by protecting teucer at the cost of aggravating his still-unhealed injuries from the liyue AQ when dottores abandoned lab turns out to be more lively than expected doesnt. make that choice not a very irresponsible one yall im begging 💀

like. hes the adult here . the entire situation unfolding as dangerously as it does in the factory is Absolutely all on HIM for not being able and/or willing to disappoint teucer by just . Doing the mature thing and sending him away to safety because HES gotten too attached to this idea of being his lil siblings' loyal knight and perfect brother that Always finds a way to surpass the expectations no matter the cost its a role HE wants to keep playing despite the risk

like its So obviously a pride thing for him too and thats so fucking interesting because Of how flawed and questionable the logic is!! like yes he truly cares about teucer and ensuring he has a great unforgettable time during this impromptu escapade in liyue like thats not up to debate but the point im trying to make is that the choices he makes are Still very much intertwined with his ego and overconfidence and not really based all that much on Whats Actually The Best Approach Here. he improvises a way to give teucer the best mr cyclops outing he has ever seen bc HE wants to be the one offering him that experience and ends up biting off a bit more than he can chew and he can only blame himself for that one and This Isnt Fucking Sustainable

like i dont think that makes him evil but i do think it showcases his arrogance and flaws in a very concrete way and is a part of why calling him a perfect brother or at least one without an asterix just. rubs me off wrong lmao

like idk feel free to keep calling him that if its important to u and all if u want idc (and i do to some extent get why this defensive narrative of insisting hes great no issues at all emerged bc i remember 1.1 some ppl acting like hes childcare satan for how he treats teucer lol) but. at least like . Be willing to chip in to fund the therapy teucers going to need for those lifelong trust issues in the future man 💀

Bc Thats The Other Thing. now tonia and anthon i dont consider a part of this bc at least they Know hes in the fatui and hiding the gory details of ur harbinger job from ur baby sibs is like. fair enough and reasonable. but. crafting an Entire different AU version of yourself and feeding it to your baby brother as what constitutes actual reality surely is a choice of all times like ajax ily but genuinely . What the fuck if you were real id throttle you

AND HIS FAMILY ENABLING IT THE ENTIRE TIME ITS CRAZY LIKE. As a person with multiple siblings both older n younger with some similar age gap cohorts involved. God id snitch so fucking fast i dont think ppl rly stop and think much abt how objectively horrifying this shit is from teucers long term pov 😭 in the best way obviously given its fiction like its so scrumptiously awful and dysfunctional .

(& just in general man im just so obsessed with the way ajax 14 basically broke the eggshell of his past life and emerged to rise towards his destiny drowned in the guts and gore of the place and people and community he once called home unconditionally. Bro he fucked that town UP and now his family relations will never ever be the same its so fucking Delicious. those 3 days missing and what followed are just Actually a literal fucking horror movie when you stop blindly stanning our ginger menace, forget ajax' side and take the pov of his family and morepesok in general Why Are People Not Talking About This)

like. its not that i dont understand Why this is sth childe ended up doing as i said Thats The Point. its human. teucer is the only one in the family who wasnt there during that fateful 3 days/months . Like yea anthon and tonia were prolly sheltered from most of the carnage back then too but they still Know where he was sent when he became literally uncontrollable and almost killed the neighbors (everybody & their mom loves demonizing his parents as if his demon spawn ass left them a fucking choice JFEJSJSJSKDKS) . like its at least Known.

but then theres teucer.

And like. teucers the Only one with whom ajax can even pretend to have that delusion (ha) of normalcy and a family that hasnt seen him gaze into the abyss and stare back bloodied and grinning ear to ear . like. hes the only shot childe can have at even playacting some crude imitation of normalcy before Everything and even That comes with an expiration date hes fully aware of. so theres just lies after lies after lies and the fact that even his family just. if not actively partaking in the charade then at least silently allows the entirety of it to happen to teucer whos the Only fucking one out of the loop is just..... dude its not fair on him At All

Misleading teucer THIS much is just. its fucking horrible man but i GET it. thats why its so delicious man i GET it but god its just . imagine being teucer in this situation.... thats his entire fucking World shattered once the truth comes out. Everyone close to him has been lying to him his entire time. They all knew and they let him be misled. Like sure he might be happier Now with ajax dutifully protecting that childhood dream of his but after that. Just. sit on this for a bit. after everything do we Really think teucers just going to understand why it came to be and see it as worth it???? Will he really????

yet at the same time as awfully cruel it all is its just So human!!!!! Its so human of both ajax and his family to use the innocence of the only child that was spared the aftermath of worlds best/worst 3 month abyss training camp to indulge in this flawed false reality where their third son didnt walk into the void and come back hungry for More until only the fatui could take him and even then it only spurred him on further on that path. Like its all an act and a lie and its just. Not fucking fair on teucer but hes still doing it and theyre letting him even tho they Know it wont last theyre all looking teucer in the eye every day and letting him believe like man....

like in both the entire ruin factory sequence And in general hiding the truth from teucer as extensively as childe does hes being incredibly selfish but at the same time its selfishness only rly in the way all people are when it comes to Wanting to be seen a certain way by the ones they love and care about. and thats what makes it so interesting. bc as much as the choices he makes are dubious (or like. this decision makes sense to him. a morally bisexual total omnivore ethics-wise narwhalpilled since 14 who sees exclusively in abyss shrimp colors and acts accordingly) both they and the motivations behind them are also just. So very human ones . as terrible as the implications and eventual inevitable downfall of those choices can (will) be.

like. is it not that much more fascinating to consider all the ways that childe is neither a particularly exemplary nor an egregiously bad brother just one that. Happens to be wired weird in the head and proud and flawed and with a track record of heavily suspect decision-making but that also very much genuinely loves his family man. Like i can love that about him without dismissing the fact that theres parts to how hes treating teucer that 100% can and imo rly should backfire horrifically bc. It really just is that fucked up

hes not a good brother hes Worse AMD better than that and also not alone in this like. his family is an active fucking part of this . But like still . Is he trying his best with his abyss shrimp colored vision ? Yes. Is his love genuine? Absolutely. What are the marks? 3/10 meet me in the office after class mister youre just actually horrible (affectionate) 😭

A perfect brother? Not My Ajax man 🗣🗣 and like theres SO MUCH to explore in that it makes me so sad you just. Never see any of it p much in fanworks bc we all just call him best bro and whatever and thats that like its so sad. this family is terrible horrible awful and no good and they deserve it but also didnt deserve it it was misfortune it was fate it was inevitable . justice for teucer man i need to get him in therapy asap

#anyway yeah. shocker moment from me this response got long too but . THANK U FOR THIS ITS GREAT #(stashes this away in my childeposting tag so i profit off of ur banger observations like a scheming schemer) KJJDWJKWDJKWDJK #man. i just cant get the image out of my head of. ajax like. what. 17. completely absorbed in his dream life #of choosing violence and the thrill of battle every day and getting paid for it in the fatui #and then teucer happens its just freeze record scratch like. what. what do. ch. children like. (bc its just. so far removed from him NOW)#toys????? toys????????? yeah that checks im a fukcing genius (is not) 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#bro is so out of touch. abyss shrimp colors narwhalpilled he couldve called himself Anything. adventurer like his dad used to be. Anything #ajax pre maturing closer to his 20s is actually such a cringe edgelord to me i have a v distinct view on how his self awareness came to be #he was just teenage hubris and egomania bass boosted and enabled by the government and just lost in the sauce of that euphoria #fight me on this. he was an embarrassment . being a funny just a guy with a uncanny good work life balance and self awareness came Later #as did the gradual reconciliation (not rly tho its more a silent dysfunctional truce) w his family and showing his face in morepesok again #but thats a whole other thing dwkjjdwkjwjd #genshin #rambles #childeposting #discussion

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bondsmagii · 3 years ago

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ex with weird fetishes time! my abusive in pretty much every possible way ex had a thing for roleplaying as greek gods all the time even outside of sex, tried to convince me she was actually a greek god in the body of a human woman (which partially worked because i struggled with untreated psychosis at the time) and got off to 'roleplaying consensual noncon' but it wasnt roleplay it was just straight up.. not a good situation. the first time i ever went to her house, halfway through hanging out she asked if it would be ok with me if she went to the bathroom for half an hour to rub one out. she was also into vore, which like isnt problematic on its own or anything but she was Specifically into ACCIDENTAL anal vore. which like, again thats fine i guess, i mean i know of weirder, but its just so funny in regards to everything awful that she did.. like for a self proclaimed goddess you really just want a little guy to go up your ass on accident? oh also she was into curses. like she would claim she put sex curses on me and i had to have sex with her to remove them, and she would would read fanfiction of media she didnt even know the source material where characters would get cursed. it wasnt even nsfw fanfic but she got off to it. the weirdest thing about her though had to be her thing for sharks with hair. she would always try to get me, a furry artist, to draw this character that she claimed was ABSOLUTELY NOT HER FURSONA that was just a shark covered in specifically Human Hair, with MASSIVE titties. another story about her is that she learned that i was an artist and was like "oh im an artist too!" and pulled out a massive school binder that couldnt even be zipped up all the way anymore because it was so full, and you know what was inside? very badly traced hentai. but like, that also happened to be the third time in my life that a girl had told me she was an artist and then showed me badly traced hentai. ive slept with two girls in my life and both of them showed me badly traced hentai unprompted. i had such bad taste in women when i was a teenager. the other one i slept with is now a bisexual trump supporter. plus she was 18 and i was 14 which is not great. i hope they both explode. OH WAIT i also had a gf in middle school who faked a pregnancy 3 times and claimed each time that a different guy she had never even talked to let alone slept with was the father. she tried to claim i was the father once and i was like dude i literally do not even have a penis. and then she was like omg i love transsexuals. i dont have great experiences with women. a guy i dated though had a size difference fetish and would pretend to be 3 feet tall and would get me drunk and make me stand on chairs to turn him on.

#anon i'm sorry but i'm speechless #also did we know the same girl.#when i was 14 i had a friend who faked pregnancies with boys who didn't even exist #who then tried to blame me for a pregnancy lmao #but anyway wow. congratulations or sorry that happened #anon #asks

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seeyoumondaydevi · 3 years ago

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top 5 daxton moments ;)

you asked for it bae

I- now why would you put me thru this (T.T)

Anyways... apologizing in advance for the gif quality

5. Paxton hitting Devi with his jeep. + “As your boyfriend” This was just so... *SWOONS* The way he's all like OMG ARE YOU OKAY DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD SHOULD I TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL and she's all like omg you came to the dance for me and Paxton's like What- yeah obviously duh now lets go back to being worried about you.

4. Daxton in 1x04 Ganesh Pooja:

WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN. If you don’t know know im also a Tamil girl just like Devi and I’m 18 rn and four to five years back(12-14) I would be so embarrassed to wear anything traditional (past that stage btw lol) Plus every guy I've even been around just tease you SO MUCH for what you wear. So Devi being paranoid about running into her school kids during Ganesh Pooja was so relatable. Especially the "Some people think im not Indian enough and some think I'm TOO Indian". Anyways.. I remember watching the scene for the first time... when Devi was kicking the lockers and Paxton shows up I literally fell of my chair because I was SO SURE he was gonna make fun of her and I sat through the whole scene covering my eyes with my hands cause bro I was so ready to go off on the guy if he made fun. I literally shrunk in size hoping he won’t like make fun of her or she won’t say something embarrassing but then he like asks her why is she so frustrated that she’s kicking LOCKERS and then asks her ABOUT her culture and festival... seems interested... listens to her.. calms her down AND COMPLIMENTS HER?? Honestly its one of the most underrated daxton moments.

3. “I thought we were....” 2x03

This scene just.... the angst>>>>>> “You must think I’m such an idiot... I liked you... I- I thought we were... doesn’t matter”

Dude but like get your ass back here and finish the sentence.

2. HEAT WAVES - 2X09 Do I even have to elaborate this? like I don’t even know what to say- Like bro they mentioned there is a storm coming several times in that episode and this mf decides to go climb onto a roof of a girl... who’s mom HATES you. She called you an idiot who ruins girls futures by knocking them up and getting them pregnant... and you like 6 episodes back got YEETED by a speeding car and JUST recovered. So you climb the roof in POURING RAIN then you go and text her AFTER you get there still standing in a storm like heyyy watchu doin?? you want company?? *with no emojis* (no emojis.. what a monster right?) js cause there were tons of people attacking him for the dumbest reason ever

Then he knocks and gets in and kisses her LIKE %&”£^%”& the thought of the scene just makes me blush so much that my mom thinks im dating someone and she’s so ready to murder me lol. AND WHEN HE LEAVES. THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER. HIS VOICE. GOOD. LORD. I WOULD SELL MY ORGANS FOR THEM.

Why didn’t they give us the daxton call?! Lets also talk about how his shirt went from dripping wet to dry.. thats how long they made out for.. 1. Daxton in 1x08 I can’t separate the moments in this episode. From the start, Devi thanking Paxton for helping her out with the sex rumor even tho he was mad at her...

asking him if they could be friends again... and then at school Paxton complimenting her AGAIN.

Paxton helping Devi out of the pool, giving Devi his sweats (hey she never gave them back)

THE CAR RIDE HOME with Fire For You playing in the background and all those glances please

... it gives me heart palpitations (still mad they blurred out Paxtons smile in the last one)

Paxton asks her if shes okay and she’s yk opening up and the way this parallels with 2x08 where Paxton is opening up and Devi is listening-

so yeah she opens up to him about how she thought everyone in her life is done with her and Paxton just kisses her like I’m not done with you no hi wyd

his THUMB??? SIR??

Devi’s whole “Thanks for the ride and the kiss, I mean the kiss- I mean the clothes..” and Paxton just :

and he leaves saying “See you Monday Devi” :) he literally had no intention of avoiding her until her mom called him an Idiot who sleeps around and gets girls pregnant to ruin their futures

I miss them hi

#ok but like where do I add the look back from 1x02?#THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG #Daxton #paxton hall yoshida #devi vishwakumar #paxton and devi #devi and paxton #Paxton x devi #devi x paxton #Team Paxton #nhie #NHIE Netflix #never have i ever #never have I ever netflix

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morbid-bugz · 2 years ago

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My personal ST sexuality headcanons :) IK it’s long stfu I needed to get this out

Nancy: I’d say she’s a lesbian just strong wlw vibes all around, she was into dudes but platonically and mistakes the desire for affection and friendship as romantic feelings and just thought her attraction to women was bestie vibes only :)

Robin: Fuhkin gay. so gay. Figured out she was gay from a kitschy erotica novel that she stole from a yard sale when she was 12 (the ones with huge half-breed musclemen and fainting women in ripped bodices on the cover)

Steve: Oh homie, get some dick. Watched Grease when he was 11 and had a boner he had to hide throughout the whole thing because he was sweating from John Travolta and Olivia Newman.

Eddie: way too gender to not be nonbinary (he/they king) also BISEXUALLL so bisexual like he radiates bisexual slut (affectionate) Maybe pansexual? He also gives pansexual vibes in a total “*shrug* ass is ass, man” kinda way. Was that one kid who was kissing boys in secret when he was 6 and putting on lipstick before having a crisis at 14 and sadly became a total shithead before going back to being a nerd at 16. Blows men at truck stops without shame.

Billy: Fakes being straight but is the biggest fag in history like stone butch has had affairs with 13 different men. Makes women want to leave their husbands but even more so makes men leave their wives. He does drag and is intense enough that if anyone tries to make fun of them he’ll beat their asses until they’d have to be scraped off the floor with a spatula.

Eleven: Ok so like, really heteromantic but experimental with girls. Asexual but doesn’t really understand her asexuality so developed a pretty shitty mindset of thinking something was wrong with her. Max being educated on this helped her understand herself better probably.

Max: B I S E X U A L all the way omg. Fucking definition of hot bi girl. I’d say also poly?? She’s the girl that Joan Jett is singing about in AC/DC.

Lucas: Just told people he was a spicy straight after he was caught making out with a guy. Actually bisexual but has a shit ton of internalized biphobia. Which leads to shit getting rocky with max sometimes.

Mike: Oh god he needs to get dicked down even harder than Steve he has so much internalized homophobia. I’m not even going to call him bi he just feels so gay it ain’t even funny.

Dustin: panromantic asexual. I dunno how to elaborate but his mom bought him a barbie when he asked for one. He’s just chill about his sexuality doesn’t get the big whoop about why it’s so important. He doesn’t really like pride but went to a parade wearing a pan flag with Suzie who’s pan as well and he’s super supportive of her .

Will: Toned down gay, similar to Dustin where he really doesn’t give a shit about sexuality like has a very “gay isn’t different to straight so let’s all just be treated as equal it should just be considered normal” mentality. Tho I reckon he’s the sort that would throw a brick through a window if he had to. More punk scene activist less Yas Queen

Jonathan: Aroace, depressed and felt desperate to feel something so convinced himself he was in love with Nancy. Still unaware of what he is :(

Joyce: Bisexual. No elaboration.

Chrissy: Pansexual. She looks like a walking pansexual flag.

I probably missed some people out lol i’m just tired <3

#https://www.pinterest.com/morethanareview/vintage-book-covers-80s-romance-covers-fabio-tbt-b/#fruity four #lgbtq #pansexual #aroace #gay #lesbian #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st 4 vol 2 #stranger things is so gay

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mysterylover123 · 3 years ago

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Mysterylover watches Bleach episodes 345 "Sparkly Shoujo Fanfic Ichi"

1. I got a surprise when I went to my episode guide on Bleach this morning and learned I've got 20 episodes left until the anime is done. But I also know that the manga continues for like 200 chapters after where the anime ends, so while we wait for the new anime, once I reach the anime finale I'm gonna continue to the manga. So mysterylover watches Bleach will be able to continue!

2. So to recap where we were. Uryuu is in trouble, everyone else has a part time job.

3. We join up with Tatsuki's two sidekicks, who I'm headcanoning as a Bert and Ernie type duo. Which is my fancy way of saying I ship them.

4. Tatsuki saves their dumb asses from getting crushed by falling girder (apparently Deku's fighting Gentle somewhere around here). Being a total badass she figures out someone's after them.

5. THE MAID GIRL FROM THE OP! Is she our new Boss Villain? Just a minion? What kinda powers does Meido girl have? She has that typical Harley Quinn female anime villain look but the maid thing makes a difference.

6. ORIHIME AGAIN! And she's wearing a great dopey outfit and feeling self-conscious about Ichigo, who she imagines as a sexy Shoujo hero. lOL Hime. OMG she's like losing her goddamn mind.

7. Damn though, it suddenly gets all serious. We have to remember that we're in a Shonen with Plot Stuff. Uryuu calls her and presumably brings the plot to her.

8. Orihime and Ichigo are on the scene to find out what happened to Uryuu, and apparently Chad too. OMG is Hime gonna wear that adorable sweatshirt for the rest of the season?

9. They get to check on Uryuu, who's definitely still super injured. Uryuu does that jerk Shonen thing where he cuts his friends out of his life because I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID HELP. Dammit Uryuu I just saw BakuDeku work through this exact same plot I don't need to repeat that again twice in one year.

10. Damn Ichigo just looks wrecked by this. Creepy Blue haired guy shows up to apparently drag orihime home alone. Is he like an anti Ichihime shipper or something? Or is it just a coincidence?

11. OR MAYBE HE RECOGNIZES THAT HIME IS SUPREMELY POWERFUL AND NEEDS TO BE LET IN ON PLOT STUFF. OK bluenette dude I like you now.

12. A human villain, huh? Someone with powers like Hime and Chad. (I LOVE HIME'S OUTFIT IN THIS EPISODE BTW IT'S SO CASUAL AND TOMBOYISH). Anyway that's why he's telling Hime plot stuff, since Ichi's lost his powers and all.

13. Is that Rukia? Or is Ichi just hallucinating her? Like, he still can't see her. Hallucination Ruki apparently doesn't remember him. OK just a weird dream.

14. Anyway back at school Tatsuki's Married Sidekicks are inviting Ichigo to bowling and filling him in on the plot.

15. The duo are now apparently about to get beaten up by the MobPsycho100 punk from two episodes back. (so nicknamed because he looks like one of the thugs Mob beats up in season 1)

16. DAMN this thug's dropping all kinds a construction equips on Ichigo these days. What is your deal dude?

17. UryuuDad (I think that's who Bluentte dude is) is here to watch over Ichigo and is going to try and keep him out of the plot. Dude let Hime and Uryu handle this Hime can literally rewind time we're good here.

18. And we end on Ichigo making a strange phone call. LOL WHAT.

#bleach #mysterylover watches beach #bleach 345 #ichigo kurosaki #orihime inoue #rukia kutsuki #tatsuki arisawa #uryuu ishida #orihime remains the most #entertaining character #especially now she's back in whacked out mode #lol that fantasy ichi #i love the way your mind works #hime #what the heck is UP with that maid girl anyway?

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years ago

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Exit Strategy (S2, E10)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:40 - Oh it’s Capshaw’s dream. Well. That’s upsetting.

1:10 - .....she was performing surgery on herself?!!? WTF?

1:37 - The fact that Jessica broke into her adult child’s home to steal Martin memorabilia is hilarious to me. Also deeply upsetting. Because - dysfunctional.

1:40 - “In my loft? Where I live?” hahahahahahaha sassy!Malcolm for the win! Also - there is something so so cute about the way Tom delivers this line. <3 It’s precious.

1:46 - “I don’t always wake up screaming.” ....so historically we know this is true. Malcolm didn’t wake up screaming at the beginning of 1x15 when Eve was in his loft....but still... Malcolm’s mental health has been in tatters. I find it highly unlikely that he wouldn’t be waking up screaming. Especially since he was hallucinating last episode!!!!

1:55 - The Never. Ever. Room?!?!?! I’m shook. I’m amused. I’m horrified. I can’t believe that Jessica would let Malcolm keep that stuff in his loft. Why isn’t it locked up in a storage container or something? Jessica let Malcolm - the boy that Martin traumatized - sleep in the same building as all of Martin’s belongings?!?! Nah. Jessica is so overbearing .... I just don’t buy it.

2:21 - “I am ignoring the Surgeon altogether.” Awww look at how proud Malcolm is to tell Jessica about his serial killer cleanse. He’s like, “I finally have news that will make Mom happy!!” <3 <3 Precious.

2:36 - “He’s been calling. Non-stop.” annnnnnnd there’s are sad profiler. He’s putting on a good act for Jessica but he’s still clearly in a lot of emotional pain.

3:15 - Really? The writers have Jessica riding the Brightwell train now? For real? I’m here for it but it feels kind of fast? Forced? Out of left field? I mean Jessica’s totally the type of mom who meddles in her kid’s love life (remember Eve?) but in the middle of the whole Ainsley-Endicott fiasco? Jessica should be more concerned about Malcolm’s mental state and less concerned with his relationship status.

3:17 - Did Malcolm really just admit (sort of abstractly, but still) that he’s interested in Dani romantically? Doesn’t he realize that Jessica will try to interfere?!? He’s basically given her his blessing!!!

3:25 - awwwww....the pic of baby!Malcolm and baby!Ainsley is so cute. <3

3:40 - UGH. I want to know more about that key and what it unlocks so badly!!!

3:46 - “Oh great. Detective Mom.” <3 I love it when he calls Jessica “Mom” instead of “Mother”. <3

4:36 - ......Mr.David and Martin have such an interesting dynamic. Martin listens to Mr. David without showing any signs of anger, resentment, or his usual psychopathic manipulation. Mr. David controls Martin much the way a parent controls their well-behaved child. I just find it so fascinating that Martin treats Mr. David with respect. That’s not Martin’s usual reaction when things don’t go his way.

5:00 - I’m so happy we keep getting more screen time with Hector. <3 This dude’s great.

6:05 - soooo the fact that Jessica stabbed Daryl in the neck is probably going to inhibit Daryl’s ability to speak right? Making Daryl a useless source of information regarding the breakout?

6:24 - I love everything about this scene with Gil’s new car. I love that Malcolm’s “wow, the Coronet’s looking good.” is said with this little smile. As though Malcolm doesn’t really care about the car, but he knows mentioning it will make Gil happy. I love Gil’s rant about “No more Whitly’s around my car.” and Gil’s glare when JT asks about Tarmel’s around the car. I love Dani’s “boys and toys” line. UGh. It was just the little dose of found family that I craved. <3 BUT I do have one small complaint/concern. Gil. He said, “No more Whitly’s around my car.” Whitly’s. Why did he refer to Malcolm as a Whitly?

6:54 - “Some major Japan-y vibes.”.....I’m sorry the word you’re looking for is “Japanese”?!?! Anyone else get super distracted by this line?!?

7:56 - “Old people” HA. OMG. I love this so much. <3 <3

9:11 - As someone with severe social and general anxiety that has at times bordered on a form agoraphobia - Dani’s dismissive tone when she says “he’s afraid to leave the house.” hurts. Especially since it feels really out of character for Dani. She doesn’t usually dismiss people so quickly. Maybe there’s a story there? She had an agoraphobic family member?

10:14 - “NYPD. Adjacent.” Why isn’t Malcolm a member of the NYPD yet? He trained with the FBI. He’s clearly capable of being employed as a detective for the NYPD. Is it because he doesn’t want to carry a gun? Is it because Gil doesn’t want Malcolm to carry a gun? Is it bureaucracy (probably)?

10:44 - Malcolm explaining why the antique pistol won’t fire is adorable.

10:57 - This dude hasn’t left the house since March of 1997. Martin was arrested in 1998. Is this supposed to have some sort of double meaning? Like maybe Malcolm discovered that Martin was killing people in 1997 but the chloroform confused him for a while and he didn’t call the cops until 98′? Is this supposed to be a metaphor for the fact that Malcolm hasn’t been truly alive since 1997? He’s just been in survival mode - he hasn’t been living.

11:22 - “I’m not too good around people.” This dude is Malcolm. Malcolm lives in a state of constant fear and anxiety. Malcolm isn’t so good with relationships or casual human interactions.

11:30 - It makes perfect sense to me that Dani is the detective that Malcolm brings in to talk to Gerald. Forget the Brightwell agenda. Gerald is a scared old man. JT and Gil are authoritative men (they’re teddy bears but they can also be scary). Dani is a woman. Women are typically seen as less of a threat. Though Dani could totally kick just about anyone’s ass. But it makes sense to me that a scared witness would feel more comfortable around the smaller female detective than the large male ones.

12:03 - Ugh. I feel so bad for Gerald. The dude is clearly experiencing some sensory overload on top of his anxiety. :(

12:15 - hahahaha the absolute best part of this little Brightwell moment is Gerald’s reaction. This old man just connected the dots and you can see it ALL over his face. ....but also, it’s a really cute moment. <3

12:38 - “Too late if you ask me.” Is it just me or does Gerald seem protective of Rosalie here? Almost paternal?

13:03 - “You still think like a grand master” Is this supposed to be an illusion to the way that Malcolm thinks about cases? He thinks like the killer in order to solve the case?

13:13 - WHY DOES MALCOLM KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT A CHESS LEGEND FROM THE 70s and 80s?!? Did baby!Malcolm have a chess phase? I want details.

13:22 - I love Gerald. He’s such a cute little old man. He’s scared but you can tell that he has a good heart and that he’s extremely smart. Look at how impressed he is with Malcolm. <3 He’s a lot like Malcolm.

13:27 -”Memory was always my gift.” Memory is Gerald’s gift but it’s been Malcolm’s curse.

15:04 - Malcolm is so close to snapping. Look at this poor boy. He’s at the end of his rope. :(

15:14 - “Looks like you got some sleep.” Awwww proud!Gil <3

15:40 - “Agoraphobia often comes from trauma.” Yep. Malcolm identifies with Gerald. I wonder if Malcolm ever went through a period of agoraphobia? Maybe as a teen?

15:48 - .....is this foreshadowing? When the truth about Endicott comes out is Malcolm going to be deemed an ‘unreliable witness’? Or maybe that’s how Ainsley is going to try and pin the murder on Malcolm?

15:58 - annnnnd we finally got a good shot of concerned!Gil. There’s no way that Gil isn’t reading between the lines here. He knows Malcolm identifies with Gerald and he knows Malcolm is having issues with his mental health, identity, and self-worth. SOMEONE CONFRONT HIM. WHERE IS THE MALCOLM INTERVENTION?!!?

16:20 - “Are you alright? Don’t answer that.”.....because Martin doesn’t actually care about Malcolm’s mental or physical health. Martin is a narcissist who has a story to tell.

16:27 - “No. Me first.” I’m. So. Proud. Of. Malcolm. <3 <3

16:56 - “That felt good.” :) Awwww... <3 I’m proud of Malcolm for this but Martin is totally going to hold it against him in later episodes. It’s going to fuel some sort of anger. Just wait for it.

17:05 - Again. Mr. David acts like Martin’s dad. If Martin were 8 years old.

17:40 - Chrisitan Brole is a treasure. His acting is incredible. Friar Pete is creepy, likeable, funny, and terrifying. Honestly. Give him an Emmy.

20:00 - “*sigh* kid.” This breaks my heart. You can see Gil’s doubt and concern all over his face. He’s doubting Malcolm’s ability to make an accurate profile of Gerald because he knows how much Malcolm identifies and sympathizes with Gerald. He’s concerned about Malcolm because....I mean have you seen him lately? The boy is spiralling and it hurts to watch. But Gil is scared for Malcolm right now. Gil is now worried that the cases aren’t enough to distract Malcolm. That Malcolm can’t work on cases anymore. That Malcolm’s mental health has compromised his ability to work effectively.

20:50 - “We’re friends. Partners” Listen to the longing in Malcolm’s voice when he says “partners”. He wants to be romantic partners with Dani - not just work partners. It’s obvious. This boy is an open book when it comes to how he feels about Dani.

21:08 - “And she never will.” there is something about the way Tom delivers this line. How he sort of trips over the words. I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not but it works. It somehow makes it more raw and emotional. Malcolm wants so so badly to tell Dani how he feels but he’s convinced that he’s a monster. That she deserves someone more stable than him. Someone with less trauma. Malcolm is convinced that he’s not safe for anyone to love. Malcolm is convinced he’s going to snap and become Martin.

21:17 - “Sounds lonely.” I love the way Malcolm immediately dismisses this as ‘tactical empathy’. Malcolm has accepted that he will be alone forever. He’s convinced himself he deserves it. I’m willing to bet that Malcolm rarely (if ever) actually feels lonely. Between coping mechanisms, hallucinations, and trauma - I doubt his mind is ever quiet enough for him to notice loneliness.

21:27 - “You’ve spent your life mastering a game. I’ve spent mine mastering how people think.” .....ok but chess is basically about predicting your opponents moves and then Gerald graduated to people watching soooooo they’re really not that different.

22:06 - I love this. I love how Malcolm turns on Gerald only for Gerald to emphatically explain how he lives through that window. Because - isn’t Malcolm the same? How many people have accused Malcolm of being a murderer when really he’s just a man who only feels alive when he’s solving murders and putting away killers?

22:50 - Rosalie helped Gerald much like Dani helps Malcolm. But Gerald couldn’t help Rosalie because he was trapped in his trauma. .....sooooo what’s going to happen to Dani? Or is this just supposed to be a reference to the fact that Dani can’t trust Malcolm because he’s keeping Endicott a secret and she knows something is up?

22:51 - ummmmm 60bpm??!?!? That’s a borderline athletic resting heart rate for a man in his 50s. There’s no way Martin’s in that great of shape. He’s trapped in his cell most of the day.

24:28 - oooookkkkkayyyy so maybe Capshaw isn’t as smart as I thought she was. Martin is playing her like a fiddle. Although that dream sequence from the intro did make it seem like she was only interested in Martin because she craved medical power and respect.

25:22 - Martin didn’t call Jessica his wife to screw with Capshaw. He genuinely still thinks of Jessica as his wife.....this is not good for the future. This tracks with the dreams Martin’s had throughout this season of going back home to his family.

25:44 - Oh yeah. Jessica knows that woman is into Martin.

26:41 - “Isn’t it obvious? It’s the key to my heart.” LMAO holy shit.

26:56 - “I can tell when you’re lying.” “Not historically.”......Martin has a point.

28:27 - This counts as my “someone confronts Malcolm about his mental health” bingo square for the episode right?

28:35 - Look at Gil. He knows Malcolm is lying through his teeth and he’s so so tired of it. He looks so sad and annoyed. Gil loves Malcolm so much and he’s clearly concerned about Malcolm but I honestly think Gil just feels helpless right now. Malcolm is spiralling and Gil can’t help because Malcolm won’t open up.

29:15 - ��When she didn’t give up Clayton he killed her. Brave girl.”.....does this mean there’s going to be an attempt on someone’s life this season? Maybe Martin tries to kill Ainsley because she’s going to pin Endicott’s murder on Malcolm? Or Malcolm tries to kill Ainsley because she doesn’t give up Martin’s location? Or Ainsley/Martin try to kill Malcolm because he tries to come clean about everything?

29:26 - “If anyone can get through to this guy it’s you.” THANK YOU. Malcolm really needed that assurance. This dude is so full of negative emotions, self doubt, and pain. Every moment he feels supported, believed in, or loved is immensely treasured.

30:26 - Oh Capshaw. You dumb dumb dumb woman. Look at Martin’s face. Capshaw has freed a monster. That’s Martin’s “I’m a raging serial killer” expression.

30:29 - Holy shit. Look at how quickly Martin put the “I’m a harmless doctor” mask. In the span of about 1 second he went from killer to angel. Michael Sheen is incredible.

31:04 - “You don’t have to be trapped in here.” It breaks my heart to hear Malcolm encourage Gerald to break free from his trauma when Malcolm is still a prisoner to his own.

31:10 - “This is your next move” “No. It’s not”. THIS. This sums up anxiety disorders. Everyone tells you to ‘move on’ or ‘take a deep breath’. They all tell you that ‘everything will be fine’. They ask you ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen.” The problem: most people with anxiety disorders know the majority of their fears (or at least the severity of them) is irrational. Most people with anxiety disorders have tried therapy, drugs, coping mechanisms, breathing techniques, ect. Anxiety doesn’t go away because you want it to. Telling someone to move on - just makes it worse. Especially someone who has lived with severe anxiety so long that it feels like a crucial part of their personality. I’ve had a severe anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember - I don’t want to heal. I don’t know who I’d be without severe anxiety. I’m scared to find out.

32:10 - “Family comes first”........soooo is Martin escaping to groom Ainsley for the family business (murder)? For Malcolm (to save him from Ainsley)? To protect Malcolm from a new Surgeon related skeleton (akin to Endicott)? WHY?

32:33 - ahhhh Papa!Gil. I’ve missed you.

33:25 - I have this headcannon that baby!Malcolm had pet rats at some point (he’d had snakes so I feel like rats would be in his wheelhouse). One day while Malcolm was at school the rats escaped from their cage and scared the crap out of Jessica. Jessica demands that the rats be removed from the home. That’s it. That’s the scene that plays in my head.

33:39 -.....Jessica is wearing a ring on her left ring finger. Why?

34:03 - “Jess it’s good to hear from you but -” They’re dating again now. Right? <3

34:06 - “What?!” Fear and confusion. That’s the look on Gil’s face. We love to see it.

34:25 - “Martin is escaping.” Look at Gil’s face. He’s terrified. He’s staying calm and acting like he’s in control but this dude is terrified that the people he loves most in the world (Jessica and Malcolm) are in serious and immediate danger.

34:50 - .....last I checked Malcolm was claustrophobic with specific closet-related trauma......

35:40 - “There’s only one play for a pawn.”.....does this mean Malcolm considers himself a pawn in Martin’s game? Disposable. Limited options. Replaceable. Of little worth? :(

35:57 - “What would you know about it Judas.” Huh. Pete is pissed at Martin. Is it because Pete views Martin’s nasty relationship with Capshaw as a betrayal akin to Judas’ betrayal of Jesus?

36:36 - Jessica using her heels as a weapon is honestly such a mood. hahaha

36:54 - Poor Jessica. The moment she realizes that she’s trapped with a killer who not only hates Martin but also has an hallucinatory friend is haunting. This woman goes from terrified to petrified. But look at her poker face. She’s brave. She tries to talk her way out of it. She tries to think her way out of it. She’s like Malcolm.

37:42 - Jessica firmly telling Daryl not to take another step right before she stabs him in the neck with a high heel is everything. Listen to her terrified screaming. She can’t believe she just stabbed the man (even if it was self-defence). This woman did the impossible while scared to death. She is a badass. She’s my hero. I love her.

38:12 - “All she had to do was tell me where my brother was. Except they were in love”.....does this mean Ainsley or Martin is going to try and kill Dani?

39:32 - “Don’t you think that’s what Rosalie would’ve wanted for you? This time make the right choice.” Wow. Malcolm is really metaphorically berating himself. What I heard was “Don’t you think Dani would want you to live without fear and guilt? This time - tell her your secret. Come clean. You’ll feel better.”

40:12 - ....so did Dani steal Gil’s keys or did he give them to her? Can we see how mad Gil is about this? Please? .....also the not-so-subtle “Dani is going to be a part of the Whitly family because she hurt Gil’s car” is not lost on me. I’m just more interested in Gil’s reaction to Dani hurting his baby.

40:21 - “I see why you like her.” hahaha Gerald is all of us. Whether or not you ship Brightwell, you can’t deny that Dani is a badass and a good friend to Malcolm. That’s reason enough for Malcolm to like her - not necessarily in a romantic way.

40:30 - Where the hell did Daryl go? If Jessica was trapped where did the man with a high heel in his neck go?!!?!

40:33 - “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.” <3 <3 The whump whore in me is in love. Forget Gillica. I’ll listen to Gil comforting a traumatized member of the team or Jessica any time, any day. <3

40:50 - I have so many questions about this escape. Are the guys sticking together? If not - do they know where the other guys plan to go/do? Where will they be getting the post-escape change of clothes (you know the ones that aren’t property of Claremont)?

40:55 - I’ll be honest, I’m shocked. They’ve been teasing Martin’s escape all season but I really thought he wasn’t going to escape until the finale. Now I’m so excited for the finale. If it’s not a Martin-Ainsley-Malcolm showdown or a Gil-Martin showdown I’m going to be sad.

41:13. - Martin and Gerald both just took their first breath of fresh air as ‘free’ men after 23-24 years. The symmetry of this episode’s two main plot lines is more obvious than usual.

41:44 - Look at Gerald being Malcolm’s wingman. hahaha it’s so cute. He’s self-appointed himself as Malcolm’s grandpa and I’m here for it.

41:51 - REALLY MALCOLM?!!? YOU CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO A VOICEMAIL FROM THE SURGEON NOW?!?! #MORON

42:29 - Martin’s entire message for Malcolm is haunting. Even now, he’s trying to manipulate Malcolm. “I’m not the man I used to be”. I’ll promise you right now - Martin will be killing at least one person in the next 3 episodes. He’s addicted to killing. End of story.

“I’m doing this for you” ....Is Martin going after Ainsley? I’m genuinely concerned that Martin thinks Ainsley is going to try and kill Malcolm or pin the Endicott murder on Malcolm. I think Martin caught wind of it and is planning on ‘taking care of the problem’ (Ainsley).

42:35 - Look at Dani. She’s terrified. For Malcolm. For Gil. For New York. For herself. She knows how bad this is and she’s scared.

42:44 - “You fath-. The Surgeon.” THIS. Dani realized that Malcolm doesn’t need to be reminded that his father is a serial killer. Dani realized that family is more than blood. The Surgeon escaped. Malcolm is in danger. But Malcolm’s father didn’t escape. Malcolm’s father has been dead since 1997/1998 when Malcolm found out he was a serial killer.

42:55 - Malcolm. :( Look at our baby. :( He’s done. Absolute horror and terror. He looks like he’s going into shock. I honestly thought (*cough* hoped *cough*) he was going to pass out. THIS is what’s going to remove Malcolm as a suspect for ‘aiding/knowing that Martin was planning on escaping’. Same with Jessica. Ainsley doesn’t have a terror driven alibi though. At least - not that we’ve seen.

AHHHHHHHH this was such an intense episode. I can’t wait for Tuesday. <3

If Malcolm doesn’t have a full on mental breakdown soon I’m going to have a stress-induced breakdown for him. Seriously.

Thanks for hanging out.

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