#and i was horribly awkward at any kind of sports

[anths-girl]

I hated it with an absolute passion, for...SOOO many reasons... Just...ACK.

For research (and due to my own grievances):

Reblog for bigger sample size (or don't, but I will be yelling at you from the sidelines)

[felinecyan]

Reality of Realizations

[Shoto Todoroki x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: After the Sports Festival, Shoto comes to realize just how awful his behavior was, and he’s determined to make things right.

WC: 3559

Category: Mega Fluff, Awkward!Shoto

This idea smacked me to my keyboard at 3 am and took me hostage until I finished it… I hope you enjoy it!! ☺️🫶

『••✎••』

In the beginning, Shoto didn’t feel guilty. He felt indifference. To him, U.A. was about succeeding his father without his father’s side of his bloodline, the fire part of his quirk. Everything was about becoming a hero that wasn't like Endeavor. Everything was about getting stronger without using fire.

Friendships weren’t his concern. In fact, he didn't give them much thought at all. He didn’t feel like they would be beneficial to his cause.

For some reason, though, you wanted to be around him. Maybe it was because you saw something in him, some type of potential that even he didn’t recognize. Or maybe you just had a lot of energy that needed to be spent, and being around him was your only means of releasing it. Either way, you never left him alone. You followed him, sat next to him in class, and asked him about his quirk.

And with his current mindset, he was rather annoyed with your persistence. He knew he could handle it himself. He could do well in school and become a great hero without any help. You were a distraction to his goal, and he was not having it.

When you first tried to start a conversation, Shoto looked straight ahead. His gaze remained fixed on the whiteboard. If you continued to be persistent, he would snap at you. It was a guarantee.

As much as he wouldn’t like to admit, sometimes the father-son resemblance would shine through.

You tried again, asking him what his favorite food was. When he didn’t answer, you shrugged and turned your head toward the window—another failed attempt.

Your attempts only increasingly became more annoying as time went on. The same questions, the same responses, and the same outcome:

An angry Todoroki who just wanted to be left alone.

But it wasn't until the Sports Festival that things changed for him. Midoriya helped him realize that his father wouldn’t define him, but his own choices would. It was enlightening, and after their fight, he felt a strong sense of respect for the green-haired boy.

And due to that awakening, he realized just how absolutely rude he had been toward you.

You were one of his classmates, a person who was in the same school as him, training to be a hero just like him. You were someone who deserved respect, and he didn’t treat you the way you should have been.

That guilt settled in.

He was a horrible person.

He had to make up for it.

And, no, a simple apology would not be enough. He needed to go the extra mile and show you that he meant what he said and that he was truly sorry.

The question was, how?

He knew little about you. He never spoke to you, not in the way you had tried speaking to him, so how would he know your favorite food, your favorite color, your favorite animal? How would he know what kind of flowers or sweets you liked?

How could he make you happy when he was the one who hurt you in the first place?

He thought long and hard. He pondered and pondered, trying to think of what you could possibly enjoy, but his mind would draw a blank.

So, he did the only thing he could think of: he asked Midoriya for help. The green-haired boy had that entire notebook dedicated to all the quirks every classmate had, so surely it could give him some insight into how to approach you.

Surely, it would help.

After class, Todoroki went over to Midoriya. He kept his hands in his pockets, and he looked the other way, not quite wanting to see Midoriya's expression.

Needless to say, he was absolutely surprised when Todoroki asked him for help. Surprised and absolutely delighted. The way he started bouncing in his seat with the biggest smile on his face made Todoroki want to reconsider the offer. But before he could retract, Midoriya already had his notebook out.

He flipped through a few pages, his finger stopping when he found your name. Honestly, it was unnerving just how many notes were dedicated to each individual.

Midoriya read your likes and dislikes; apparently, they were all through observation and not from you telling him. Maybe if Todoroki wasn’t so mean to you, then he would‘ve known what you liked, too.

He figured you had to make it obvious for Midoriya to write it down, right? There’s no way Midoriya would be able to figure out that information from just watching.

Then again, his analysis was pretty spot on. He knew what your personality was; he dealt with it firsthand. Of course, at the time, he didn't think too much about it. All he thought was how much he wanted you to leave him alone. Now, however, he wanted you to ask him those questions.

He wanted to be your friend.

He learned that you loved reading books. Not only that, but you loved flowers. Not the typical roses or sunflowers, but the less popular flowers. The type of flower that not a lot of people would think of when thinking about the beauty of a flower.

You also loved sweets, mostly anything with the word "chocolate" in the name. You had a sweet tooth, and it was very apparent.

Todoroki didn’t know why, but he found himself smiling. Finding out your likes and dislikes and learning about your personality was interesting. He wished he hadn’t been so blind before. Maybe then, he could've been friends with you earlier.

But it was okay. He could still become your friend. He could still fix things.

Midoriya had written down a list of things that you would appreciate the most, and then it was on the planning portion.

Gift-giving was still a relatively new concept for Shoto. He never had any real reason to give someone a gift before, and when he did give gifts, it was mostly for his siblings on special occasions.

He never really had the opportunity to buy a gift for a friend.

Midoriya told him that the best gifts were meaningful and came from the heart.

"Think of a memory you have with them. Think of something that they would really enjoy."

But the issue was, he had no memories with you. No good ones, anyhow. They were all trash because he never gave you the chance to have a good memory with him.

"Hey, Todoroki, if you were—"

You always sounded so genuine when asking him those foolish questions, but the moment he turned his head, his glare could have killed you.

"Do you always have to bother me? Doesn’t it get tiring asking the same things, day in and day out?" His tone was harsh, and he didn't mean for it to sound that way, but it was the only tone he ever used on you.

"No wonder your parents sent you to boarding school in America before applying here. I wouldn’t be able to deal with you either."

Yeah, those were his words. Those were his exact words. Not the nicest, were they?

The sentence was completely laced with poison, and even Shoto knew it then. He truly didn’t mean to bring that up; it was a low blow, but the damage was done, and the second it was said, your expression fell.

Shame, really. You were only trying to be nice. You didn’t deserve his spiteful attitude. You were kind and thoughtful, and you were a very good person, but he couldn’t bring himself to accept your kindness.

So, how the hell was he going to be able to apologize to you? How was he going to give you a present that meant something when all his memories of you were filled with his hate?

He sat on his bed, his legs crossed as he held his head. He needed an idea, but his mind drew a blank. What the hell was he supposed to do?

Midoriya told him that a homemade gift was probably the best among a couple of special items. If he made something himself, he could show how much effort he put into it. He could make something meaningful and show just how sorry he was.

But... he wasn't the most creative person. In fact, his creativity was nonexistent. He didn’t know the first thing about making something from scratch.

He knew how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a tasty soba, but other than that, he was lost.

And it wasn't like he could ask for his siblings' help. He took that as a sign of not owning up to his mistakes. If he couldn’t figure this out, then he didn't deserve your friendship.

His eyes were fixated on his desk. His textbooks were sprawled out, and a couple of papers were scattered across the table. He was currently studying for the next exam, and his phone was off to the side, plugged into the wall to charge.

His mind should’ve been on schoolwork, but the only thing he could think of was you. He needed an idea, and soon, because if he didn't do anything, his guilt would eat him alive.

His mind continued to wander.

Flowers, chocolate, a book, a teddy bear.

None of these would be enough. None of these were personal; none of these would mean something.

His eyes wandered from his desk to the window. The sky was orange, a beautiful sunset. He watched as the clouds passed and the birds flew by.

Birds.

Why does that remind him of something?

What do birds have to do with a gift?

He closed his eyes, trying to remember a moment. Any moment, whether good or bad, anything that could help him get a hint as to what to do.

And then, a memory flashed.

It was a rainy day, and you were late.

You were walking and running, but the rain was coming down pretty hard. You weren’t an idiot, so you weren't wearing the U.A. uniform. Instead, you wore a jacket. But even then, you were still soaked.

You didn’t have an umbrella, a raincoat, or any protective gear. You were running through the rain, trying to get to the school before the bell rang.

Luckily, it wasn't too far away.

Shoto remembered seeing you run, and for a brief second, he thought you were an idiot. He wondered why you didn't just take the bus or the train. If you lived near the school, you would've had plenty of time.

And still, even being as late as you were, you were still determined to have your daily conversations with Shoto.

You were definitely an odd ball, but in that moment, a certain memory came to mind.

When you finally made it to class, you were absolutely soaked. Your hair was sticking to your face, and your shoes were squishing with every step you took.

You sat down, understandably grumpy, but you weren’t upset that you were late, wet, or even sick the next day. No, what was upsetting you was the fact that you had lost something.

A hairclip, to be specific.

You lost a hairclip.

It was a clip that had a hummingbird attached to it. The clip itself was silver, but the hummingbird was painted green. He knows this because you wouldn’t stop talking about it.

He remembered you saying that it was a gift from a family member. He didn’t know who, nor did he care at the time, but you cared.

You really cared.

You spent the majority of the day searching for the hairclip. You searched the hallways, the bathroom, the cafeteria, everywhere you could think of, but it wasn’t there. It was nowhere to be found.

And for a week, you wore your hair down, which was the complete opposite of what you normally did.

If only Shoto realized this at the time, then he would've helped you look for it. He was good at finding things, ironically, but the thought didn’t cross his mind, and neither did the memory.

Until now.

In a split second, he bolted up. He rushed downstairs, not caring if he was loud. He didn’t care if his family could hear him; he didn’t care if he was disturbing their peace.

He had an idea, a good one, and it was perfect.

It was the most personal gift he could think of. Throw in a couple of your favorites, and it would be perfect.

He would make you a gift basket, but he would add his own touch to it. Again, he wasn’t that creative, but he had a basic idea. You’d like ribbons, right? Why not a nice bow?

Unfortunately, your specific hummingbird hair clip was long gone, but the internet seemed to have everything. He searched for hours, ignoring his study guide for the upcoming exam, and finally, after what seemed like forever, he found a silver hummingbird. It wasn’t painted green, but it was the same model as your old one.

It was the best he could do. And fortunately, due to the one-day shipping, he would have it by the time Monday rolled around.

He ordered it, and when it came in, he put the basket together. He bought you a book based on your favorite genre, some chocolate, a bouquet of some of your favorite flowers, and then, he added the ribbon.

The clip he put in a special case, away from the basket. He would be giving this separately because it would mean more, and he felt like this was something that shouldn’t be touched by anything else.

And, well, he wanted to see your reaction to his apology. It would be easier to read your expression if he didn't give you both the gift at the same time.

Oh, right, the apology.

He didn’t really think about that, and honestly, he didn’t know how to start.

But the best way to do anything is with practice, right?

Screw that upcoming test. He had something much more important to deal with, and knowing him, he’d probably still ace the test anyway.

He cleared his throat, standing in the middle of his room.

Okay, how would he start?

Hi? No, that was too casual.

Hello? No, it's not formal enough.

Greetings?

No, no, he shouldn’t sound like a robot.

He needed something more genuine, more real.

Maybe... maybe he should start by telling you how sorry he was. Yeah, that would be the best.

He cleared his throat again.

"Hey," his voice cracked, and his eyes widened. He sounded so awkward. That was so not smooth.

He started over.

"I know we haven't spoken in a while," he started. "I'm... I'm sorry for everything I've done. For everything I've said. You didn't deserve any of that."

This felt like a speech. Maybe he should tone it down.

"I… I was a horrible person, and I wish I could take back all the things I said, but I can't, and I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. And I know a simple sorry won't fix everything, so..."

He went over to the desk and picked up the box with the silver hummingbird inside.

"I want to give you this. I hope you like it."

Okay, practice over. He’s better off winging it. He truly regretted how he acted, so regardless of how the apology goes, hopefully, you can see that he's being genuine.

He sighed.

Hopefully.

The next day came quicker than expected. He spent the entire night preparing, and by the time the morning came, he was exhausted.

But it was okay because soon, he'd be able to see you and, hopefully, make amends.

Panic didn’t set in until he caught sight of you at your locker, picking out your books.

The moment his eyes landed on you, his heart started to race. His throat went dry, and his hands got clammy.

This is it, he thought—all or nothing.

He took a deep breath.

Here goes.

"Excuse me," he started. His voice sounded shaky, but he ignored it. He had to stay confident and pretend he wasn’t nervous.

You turned to him, and the moment your eyes met his, he swore he could feel his heart stop.

Those eyes… full of utter shock and surprise. You were really caught off guard. And he was, too, because not a single word was uttered from his lips.

"Um," you cleared your throat. "Hey, Todoroki," you smiled at him. You seemed hesitant, and honestly, who could blame you? He had never really been nice to you.

"I was just heading to class, but uh," you rubbed the back of your neck. "Did you… did you need something?"

The question made him snap back into reality.

He was still speechless, so to fix the awkward atmosphere, he decided just to hand you the basket.

You were obviously confused. Your brows were furrowed, and you stared at the present like it was some foreign object.

"What's this?"

"It's a gift."

Your confusion didn't fade. In fact, it was almost replaced with concern.

"For... me?"

Oh, for the love of…, snap out of it, Shoto!

He shook his head.

"Yes, for you," he handed you the gift, and when you held it, he couldn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat. "I…"

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Look, I'm... I'm sorry. For everything."

You just stared at him blankly, and for a moment, Shoto felt the panic rise. What if you didn’t forgive him?

You were quiet for a while, and his nervousness only grew. He decided to try again.

"You were just trying to be friends, and all I did was push you away. I was so… rude and cold, and you didn’t deserve any of that. You were just trying to be kind. So, I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted to do something nice and show you how deeply apologetic I am."

Silence.

He didn't know what to say anymore, so he continued, hoping he wasn't making a bigger mess than what it was.

"I also, uh, got you this," he pulled out the case from inside his uniform. With the way you were silent the entire time, he was starting to think you wouldn’t accept the gift.

So, the moment your hand reached out to grab the box, he was relieved to know you were willing to listen.

"I know it’s not your original, but it's the closest I could find. And, well, it's the least I could do, considering how I acted."

When you opened the box, he could see the way your eyes lit up. He was so nervous about this, so scared that you wouldn’t like it, but the way you smiled proved him wrong.

And that smile. Oh, that smile.

He caused that smile. Instead of stealing it away or making it go away, he made it appear.

"Todoroki, I," you were speechless. Utterly speechless, he could tell by the way you looked up at him.

You were trying to find the right words, and honestly, he didn’t blame you. He was in a similar situation.

"You didn’t have to get me this," you said, a bright smile on your face. You were holding the hummingbird gently like it was a precious object. "I probably would've forgiven you even if you didn’t get me anything."

Wait, was that a yes?

Was that a yes?!

Shoto could feel the corners of his lips twitch. He felt himself smiling.

"Thank you," you continued, still holding the hummingbird carefully. "It means a lot to me. I appreciate the effort you put into this. And, um, thank you for the apology. I really needed to hear it. Honestly, I thought I did something wrong, so I'm glad that wasn’t the case."

You laughed a bit, and even if he was confused about why you were laughing at all, he was relieved that you were accepting his apology.

"You did nothing wrong," he told you. "I was the one who messed up. I have issues, but that's not an excuse to be a jerk."

You smiled again, and he noticed the way you fiddled with the box. It was clear you wanted to attach the hairclip.

"I can… um, help you with that if you want."

The instant nod from you was enough for him to grab it delicately from the box, and when he did, you turned around.

It was a really pretty clip, and it suited you. Whoever originally gave it to you clearly had great taste.

It took a second, but he finally placed it into your hair. When you turned back around, he nodded in approval.

"You look nice," he told you.

"Thank you."

There was a pause.

"Um, did you, uh, want to sit together during lunch? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to, but I thought I'd ask."

The amount of joy he suddenly felt was unexplainable. You were accepting him, and it was the most amazing thing he had ever experienced.

"Yeah, sure," he nodded. "That sounds nice."

Mission make up with you: success.

The guilt of everything still lingered, and he would have to apologize to everyone else as well, but that could be done later.

Right now, all that mattered was his new friend. A friend that should’ve been his a long time ago.

[stsgooo]

Haunted.

✩࿐ summary: geto had suffered enough, why should he let you go too?

warning(s): suicidal thoughts/idealizations, death, poor coping mechanisms, gn!reader, depression, isolation, description of violence, angst no comfort, curse!reader, cult leader geto things, character study vibes, not proofread (sorry). wc; 15.7k

pairing(s): geto suguru/reader, geto suguru/gojo satoru/reader (briefly), geto suguru/gojo satoru

a/n: hii, been a while since i’ve written an x reader fic so hope this abides by everyone’s standards :) as i finished this, i realized that this probably should've been multiple parts because of how long it is, but it was too far gone at that point. anyway, i hope you enjoy and if you don't i would rather not hear about it!

available to read on ao3. | divider 1

I. 2005

SUGURU WAS SURE YOU HAD A DEATH WISH.

Out of everyone, it seemed as if you had some crazy switch in you that just flipped during a battle. It was as if you got tunnel vision and your every move was erratic, death the only option. It did not matter to you whether you lived or died. Saving others was your main and only goal. That scared him to death.

You were powerful. Powerful enough where you didn’t need to go all out on every curse that even hinted at having some type of power over you or others. Yet you always found yourself in Shoko’s room, sporting one cut too many, and a bright grin as if you weren’t pushing the limit. You would wave away any and all concern with that smile.

I’m just fine, you would roll your eyes at their worry. Really, you guys, stop fussing so much.

Suguru had argued with you about it before. Both of you had been sent on a mission to some elementary school, few kids had gone missing. You found the curse, and the kids, and a fight ensued. It was nothing crazy. Not until you practically served yourself on a platter for the curse and told Suguru to run away with the kids. Of course, he didn’t leave. What kind of friend would he be if he just let you die? What kind of sorcerer would he be if he just ran away while you were torn limb by limb? He’d be a failure of a sorcerer and a failure of a friend.

It bothered him. It enraged him how easily you threw your life away for others. A hint of danger and you were willing to get yourself killed over it. The complete disregard for your life in the first year that you all knew each other irked his very soul. Your behavior was worrisome. It confused him.

The buildup to his fight with you was a lot to unpack in itself.

The car ride from the hospital the kids were at was silent. Filled with a tension that unsettled his heart and he was sure unsettled your mind. You made no attempt at small talk or passing a good job, it was just silent. He silently thanked you for it. Because he was sure if you spoke then, he would’ve blown up. He would’ve said horrible things. So he silently thanked you for your silence, your silent allowance to let him think. You even fell asleep and Suguru couldn’t help but ask himself how you could sleep so soundly after such a close brush with death.

Three days later, he could tell Satoru and Shoko noticed the tension.

He knew they noticed it the moment you two returned. Your clothes soiled, face covered in mud and blood, hands all too shaky. Maybe it was the way you walked away from his side to great them. Or it was probably the way he glared at the wavering smile on your lips as you told them everything went fine. It was most definitely that.

Shoko was weary of it. At lunch, she’d sit between him and you. Her words were light as she teased and prodded, but never dared to ask the serious questions. She kept the air free of the awkwardness or the anger brewing. Shoko was kind like that. She was optimistic.

Satoru, however, wasn’t.

Although he seemed to abide by the silent rule not to ask you questions, he was practically grilling Suguru any given moment. He asked what happened. Why was Suguru so angry? Why were you acting so standoff-ish? Had something finally happened between you? Did Suguru get rejected and was he throwing himself a pity party? There were so many things that he threw out into the open like it was silly. As if Satoru derived some entertainment from the tension.

Do you ever notice they’re ready to get themselves killed for others? Suguru had thrown out to Satoru a week after the mission.

Satoru’s eyes lost the amusement and his smile dimmed. He pushed his glasses further up his nose. Of course I have. His voice was ridiculously serious and slow, extremely distant. As if recalling something he pushed to the back of his mind often. His attention had cut back to Suguru and shook his head. Man, it’s best to leave this alone. Trust me. Sensei will say something soon enough.

Suguru couldn’t help but worry that their first year teacher’s talk wouldn’t come soon enough.

Things just didn’t make sense to him. He just didn’t understand why you would be so willing to throw yourself into death like it was a blanket on a cold night. Sure, they’re meant to save people, but it didn’t mean death. Not everything had to be final. He feared that you just didn’t know it.

All of it came to a head when all four of you were placed on a mission three weeks after.

At this point, it was apparent that you both were avoiding each other. Different topics that neither of you wanted to address made headway into your dynamic. Distanced you both from one another like it was a bubble. A shield protecting you both from uncomfortable and frankly angry conversations.

But you did it again.

Sure, this time the curse was too much. Things weren’t looking too great for them. But the moment Suguru noticed you were missing from his and Satoru’s side, he felt panicked. He knew what was coming and knew what you’d say.

You caught the curse off guard as you jumped from the top banister, your large hammer at the ready. You shouted something along the lines that they should get out of there. But Suguru nor Satoru dared to run away. He watched, in horror, as you vanished into the curse’s mouth. As he was ready to summon his small arsenal of cursed spirits, the thing was cut from the stomach. Then you got its head.

There was silence as you stood amongst the carnage. Covered in the things purple goopy blood. Then you turned to them with that smile and Suguru lost it.

“What’s wrong with you?” He yelled, his voice echoing off the walls and converging on you. You looked shocked, eyebrows raised and faltering away from the pride to the confusion. He took in a shaky breath as he felt the built up anger from the past three weeks finally come up. “Do you have to throw yourself into danger like that?”

You frowned at him, then pathetically gestured at the curse. “It’s dead, isn’t it?”

Suguru pressed his hands against his face, letting out a deeply annoyed groan. “That’s not the point! The point is you threw yourself into its mouth! Like it was nothing!” He pushed himself forward to at least close the distance a little. Despite hearing Satoru’s soft protest, he needed to look you in the eye.

Your irritation was apparent as you furrowed your brow. “It doesn’t matter! Seriously, what’s your issue lately? You’ve been a complete asshole since that mission we went on. I thought you were just feeling bad for those kids, but you’ve acted completely different towards me!” Suguru could only clench his jaw at your obliviousness. There’s no way, right? There was absolutely no way you didn’t see what you were doing to them. To him. But when you said your next words, that thought was out the window. “Okay, so I threw myself into the middle of things, but so what?”

So what? So what. So fucking what?

Suguru felt something deep within him snap. As if there was a car underwater and the glass that was keeping the passengers safe suddenly cracked. His emotions, his clear mind, were the victims of the drowning. Buried deep under your ignorance.

“So what?” He snapped, his hands clenched into tight fists at his sides as he regarded you with unsettled rage. “So what? Are you serious? Like, are you dumb or are you just playing with me because I seriously can’t tell right now!”

You flinched at his tone and he could hear the shift of rubble behind him. “Suguru, hey—“ Satoru tried to de-escalate the situation but he was ignored.

“Excuse me?” You uttered, glaring up at him.

“Whenever we go on missions, you’re the first one throwing yourself at the thing like it isn’t serious. As if there’s not a high possibility that you’ll die! Every single time.” Suguru had a finger against your chest now. He wasn’t even sure when he had reached out, but he could feel the curse’s blood on his fingertip. It was cold and thick. Uncomfortable. But you were covered in it like it was nothing. Everything was nothing to you. “So, I’m asking you: are you dumb or just acting like you are?”

Your eyes were narrowed as you regarded him. “I know it’s dangerous, but sometimes that’s the only option.” Was all you had to say in response.

“You shouldn’t be the first one to die every time!” Suguru was desperate for his point to get across. For you to understand that it wasn’t the matter that it was dangerous— it was the fact that you were so willing and ready to have everyone live without you.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” You frowned.

Just understand I care. That if you were to die right in front of my eyes, I’d lose it. I’ve only known you for ten months, but I can’t imagine a world where you’re dead. You’re one of my best friends— the first friend I ever made, please don’t make me live longer than you. Were all the selfish things that Suguru wanted to say. That he should’ve said.

Instead, he asked, “Do you just want to die?”

There was a very long silence that kept them all from moving.

The question was posed and he could see it in your eyes. Could hear it in the words you didn’t speak. You looked away from him, shame settled on your face. Suddenly, you looked small compared to your usual large and boisterous self. Have you always been this small? Or was this something he was just realizing now?

It settled in his mind, suddenly, that he was right. His assumptions, rash and brazen, were right.

It made him queasy, lightheaded, as he stared at you.

“Y/N…” He uttered with a pale face. He desperately wanted to reach out, to grasp your shoulder— make some type of contact. But his limbs wouldn’t move. He wasn’t even sure if he was breathing or blinking. His mind just repeated the one fact he knew over and over.

You wanted to die. You didn’t care if you died out there, alone, because it was all the same to you. You were waiting for death as it was waiting for you. Like an old friend. You wanted to die.

Suguru felt the overwhelming urge to cry as it all settled. “You want to die?” He couldn’t help the whisper as he stared at you in horror.

Your cheeks were a deep crimson red, tears pooling in your eyes as you took a step back from him. “It-It’s not like that.”

Suguru slowly shook his head. “Y-Yo—“ You shouldn’t feel like that. Is what he wanted to say. But what good would that do? You knew that. You probably prayed you didn’t every day.

“I just— you guys are so important to the school and-and to me! If you guys died, they’d be scrambling and a lot of people would probably suffer. But if I died, then who would even care—?”

“I would!” Suguru couldn’t help the tears that collected in his eyes. Here he was, almost 16, crying in front of you. But he needed you to know he cared. That life wouldn’t be the same without you gracing it. He reached forward, grabbing your hands in a vice like grip. “I would care! If you died I would be miserable and I would miss you like crazy. Don’t say no one would care because, if it doesn’t matter that I care, then everyone would. You’re important to everyone. You matter.”

Your eyes were on him now, wide and unsteady as you regarded him with confusion and disbelief. “Suguru—“

“We would all care. Satoru would be so annoying without your stupid quips. Shoko would be miserable if there wasn’t anyone to get her cigarettes when she forgets. And I…I would lose it if you were dead. I would. I would lose my mind, I’d do something crazy like… like leave everything behind.” It felt wrong to say. To put such weight on you, but he needed to know the role you played. How important you are. He clenched his jaw in determination, eye contact unwavering as he squeezed your hands. “I’ll prove it to you. I swear on it. I’ll spend the rest of our lives proving it to you.”

“Better than anything I could say.” He heard Satoru utter behind them, then the tell tale yelp that came after Shoko slapped him upside the head.

You didn’t let that distract you as you fell forward into his arms. Clutching at his uniform as you let out a small cry. He held you up and listened as you dumped years worth of pain into his chest. Suguru couldn’t ever recall seeing you like this before. He never really wanted to see it again. You didn’t say anything in response to his rather embarrassing ramble to you. No, not to that.

Instead, all you said in return was, “thank you.”

II. 2006

Suguru was in love with you and Satoru.

He realized it the afternoon in Okinawa, all of you walking through the aquarium as Riko pointed out various fish that she knew too much information about. Of course, he wasn’t listening. He was much too focused on you and Satoru. The both of you had snuck away to a gift shop— proclaiming that you needed mementoes and souvenirs for your friends back home. You adorned an octopus hat while Satoru had various fish stickers pressed to his cheeks. You both more resembled children on a field trip than highly esteemed sorcerers.

Suguru loved it. He loved you both.

It was a sudden and rather scary realization.

It came over him as you placed another sticker on Satoru's face. The both of you releasing absurd laughs that had no business sounding so lovely. He could feel the small smile blossom on his own lips as Satoru argued that he'd have the "gooey stuff" all of his face later, which made you promise to help him clean it off with a rag. Then you placed a delicate kiss against his cheek. It was so nonchalant, something they should all be used to, but it was always so jarring. Satoru stared at you with wide eyes behind his glasses, then he grinned. Wide and devious.

Suguru's heart soared.

He wanted nothing more than to reach out, to grab both of you and kiss you like there was no tomorrow. To promise his heart and his life to you both. It would be easy. It would be mere second nature to him. Suguru may just be realizing how deeply he loved you and Satoru, but he was almost sure that he'd felt this way since month five of your first year.

Surely, it shouldn't be a surprise. You three had been getting bold lately. Shoko was even commenting on it. The late nights in your room, the both of them curled up at your side. The domesticity of one of you returning to your dorm and being greeted by the other two. You all had a routine. A promise to come back through the door and have another fight of arguing over what's for dinner. Or something obscure that he wouldn't put up with with anyone else.

He just wanted to tell you and Satoru that he finally feels normal in the world. With you both by his side. That when he has your skin pressed against his, he feels like he could take on the world. That Satoru makes him feel childish and free like he couldn't be when he was a kid. That his kisses were sweet and soft. He just wanted to tell you that he loved you.

But Suguru saw your eyes stray away from Satoru's and the smile faded away. "We have to give her a choice." You said suddenly.

Both Satoru and Suguru moved their attention to Riko. The girl was standing in front of a expansive tank, watching in amazement as the fish zoomed by. The girl unaware of their watchful eyes as she turned to Kuroi and asked her to enjoy the fish too.

Suguru and Satoru had acknowledged that you were probably the last person who should be on this mission almost immediately. It wasn't that you weren't well fit for it, or that you would be too detached, or not want to get involved— it was that you had warmed up to Riko immediately. The girl had become your shadow. She asked about your technique and how "two idiots" like them were able to be in your presence. She amused you and you amused her. Then she asked you what you thought about her merger and you told her you thought it was something you shouldn't get involved in.

But Suguru and Satoru saw it in your eyes. They knew what you thought the moment Yaga had said the word "erase".

You wanted to save her.

"I knew you'd say that." Satoru snorted, leaning back against the tank they stood before. His eyes rolled upwards to look at the dolphin swim pass across from them. "You're always meddling."

You glared at him. "I don't meddle!"

"You do." Satoru said fondly. "What did I say, Suguru? They'd meet the girl and meddle, right?"

You snapped your eyes to Suguru who shyly stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugging. "You did say that." I did not. Suguru used kinder words— like you cared about Riko and you'd probably not want to see her throw away her barely lived life for Tengen-sama.

You pouted, picking at the railing next to Satoru. "Am I that predictable?"

"Only because we know you so well." Satoru teased with a small smile. Then his eyes cut back to Riko who was gradually making her way further down the area. As much as Satoru would deny it, Suguru could tell that he'd come to grow fond of the girl as well. "What do you propose we do, exactly?"

Now Suguru was looking back to you. He could see the shock in your eyes as they snapped up to Satoru— as if you couldn't believe he was playing into whatever ideas you were tossing around. There was a spark of hope in your eyes and Suguru had to look away to prevent the smile that wanted to spread across his face. Instead, he'd let his heart do that weird skip it usually did whenever you and Satoru were particularly adorable.

"All I want is for her to have a choice," Your voice was compassionate as you started. The look in your eyes distant as you turned your attention towards the small tank in front of you three. The portioned tank that had different beta fishes separated. Together they're deadly. Apart, they find peace. Riko had explained. "The way she's talked about everything... the merger with Tengen-sama— that's what she was born for. She's proud of it. But given the choice, she wanted to spend her last day with her friends. She wanted to go to school and hang out with them because she knew she'd never see them again. Instead of really wanting to do this, she's just doing it because she feels like she has to. Where's the freedom in that?"

Suguru smiled softly at you. "So we give her a choice." He agreed with a small nod, finding satisfaction with the brightness in your eyes.

"We'll have to fight Tengen, you know that?" Satoru kept his eyes steady on Riko as he questioned the two of you. Both of you blink, obviously not having considered that detail. "They'll put up a fight— probably other sorcerers too. Freeing Riko might mean we leave Jujutsu High."

Suguru let his mind wander. Would he really mind if the three of you left? Not really. If the three of you have to fight Tengen-sama, then he'd gladly fight them by your side. If you both wanted, he'd destroy the world. Then gladly live his final moments with you both at his side. That was a fact that he knew to be true in his soul.

"I'll gladly do so." You answered without hesitation. Of course you would, you self sacrificial fool. A bitter part of Suguru said. There was no question that you'd put your life on the line for Riko. "If her choice is to live life, then I'll fight Tengen."

"And you'll win?" Satoru asked.

You raised an eyebrow. "We're the strongest, aren't we? Us three?"

Something about your words made Suguru 100% sure that he wouldn't allow you both to walk alone in the world. Together, there wasn't anything you three couldn't take on.

Satoru finally turned from Riko to stare at you with a self assured smirk.

Oh, Suguru thought with a stutter in his heart. He'd already made up his mind before you did.

"Well, well! I thought you were above all that we're the strongest crap!" Satoru teased, throwing his arm around your shoulders as you rolled your eyes. "Don't be so entitled, Satoru. You're making Haibara and Nanami feel less than, Satoru. You sound ignorant, Satoru. Look who's high and mighty now!"

"Oh, stop!" You pushed his arm away, but your smile was fond. You turned back to the beta fish. "Sure, it's a little entitled, but right now, I'm being nice."

"Thank you, thank you, my beloved royalty." Satoru dramatically bowed before you. You uttered something about him being dramatic, which went ignored. The white haired sorcerer reached over and slapped Suguru's arm, peeking at him fondly from behind his glasses. "Suguru, bow for your deity!"

Suguru was about to decline, until you spoke up. "You're ridiculous, you know that? Don't do that." Suddenly, he felt inclined to follow suit.

Both of them were now bowed behind you, uttering their dramatic praises as you blushed, attempting to ignore them as people walked pass and stared. Suguru peeked up at you as you watched the beta fish swim around. In that moment, he prayed that nothing changed.

Things weren't right.

Things weren't right but you were so calm.

Silently, Suguru could only shoot a thankful glance in your direction as the elevator creaked under the strain of four people. He could tell you were worried but your expression was determined to stay pieced together. Satoru was above ground, fighting against that man— Suguru couldn't think about it. It was too much in the mess of things.

The elevator came to a screeching halt and there was no hesitation on your part to push the doors open. You seemed quicker, your movements a little stilted as you exited the elevator and, instead of looking at the three behind you, you kept your gaze on the various entrances. He could tell you were irritated. He could tell you were worried. Or nervous.

No, you were scared.

His attention turned towards Riko and Kuroi who were exchanging a heartfelt, tearful goodbye. They clutched onto each other— Kuroi told her to be brave and Riko promised she would. Then they separated and Suguru promised that he'd come back once everything was done to escort Kuroi to safety.

The trek to the Star Corridor was long and quite.

There wasn't much Suguru could say to comfort you because there wasn't much he could reassure himself with. His worries for Satoru were overbearing in his mind and he couldn't try and fool himself into trying to bear the weight of your anxiety as well. Both of you knew this, so you didn't dare try to comfort one another.

There's nothing wrong. Everything's going to be okay. We're the strongest. Satoru will join us once this is over. Were the things Suguru soothed himself with.

"Is this...?" Riko uttered as they finally broke through to the outskirts of where Tengen homes themself.

"Yes," Suguru confirmed as he came to a stop beside the younger girl. "We're just outside of where Master Tengen resides. This is the country's base for primary barriers. The main hall of the tombs of the Star Corridor."

"Basically, it's their home." You said flatly, coming to Riko's other side, your eyes moving over the vast area. It was quiet, dark, and looked isolated. Nothing that brought any welcomeness for the eternity to come.

Suguru tried not to let his gaze linger on the woeful look painting your face now. He cleared his throat and pointed. "Go down the stairs and pass the gate. Then head toward the base of that huge tree. It's protected by a different barrier than the one around Jujutsu High. Only those invited may enter. You'll be protected by Master Tengen until the merger."

Riko's expression turned sorrowful as she followed the path Suguru paved with her eyes. This was the end. Her fun and the little life she lived was at its finish. She clenched her hands at her sides and made a move to continue forward, without them.

"Or we can turn back and go home to Kuroi."

Riko's eyes snapped to you. Your eyes were compassionate and a small smile graced your features that was more reassuring than any words that could be spoken. She looked a little pale, but the glow of hope suddenly appeared.

"What?" The girl uttered.

You turned to her fully, keep your expression soft. "When our taecher assigned us this mission, he used the word 'erase'. It's like, deep down, he knew something was wrong with this and, for a muscle guy, he doesn't usually beat around the bush." You looked like you wanted to chuckle at your own jab at Yaga, but didn't have the energy. Instead, you sighed. "I talked to Suguru and Satoru and we all came to the decision that if the kid who is the Star Plasma Vessel should refuse the merger then we call it off."

Riko's eyes widened even further and tears were on the cusp of falling as she stared at the both of you.

"We're the strongest," Suguru offered gently, offering a closed eyed smile to the girl. "No matter what you choose, we promise to protect your future."

Riko's lips quivered as her eyes bounced between you two and the vast nothingness of Tengen's home. She took in a shaky breath. "Ever since I was born, I've been told I'm special and different. Being special was normal for me. I've survived till now by staying away from danger... My parents died in a car crash. I don't remember it. I'm not say or lonely anymore." She started to fiddle with her hands as her words grew more unsteady. You moved to press against her side, hands rested against her shoulders. "That's why... with the merger, I thought I'd be okay... leaving everyone. No matter how painful it became, I believed that, some day, the sadness and loneliness would disappear."

"You just need the right person." You uttered to her, her eyes snapping up at you as tears silently streamed down her face. "You need that one person to prove that there's beautiful things out there— that there's kindness and love. I know. I understand, Riko."

The girl bursts into tears, a trail of snot ran from her nose as she shook with her cries. "I want to stay with everyone a bit longer!" Her voice seemed to echo around the two of you. "I want to go to more places and see more things with everyone! More!"

Both you and Suguru smiled softly. His hand reached out while you squeezed her shoulders. "Riko, let's go home." He beckoned her forward.

"Yeah!"

Suguru registered the shot last second, but it was too late for him to truly do anything.

He's never quite seen anything like it.

You were smiling, you looked free from your worries for one second.

Then you were falling. Your face slack and eyes blank. You fell against the ground with a deafening thud. Blood pooled around your head, chunks of your brain scattered across the ground. Your eyes.

They're so blank.

Suguru barely registered Riko's scream. His eyes couldn't leave you even as the girl screamed and screamed, hands clutching at her head as she stared at your body beside her.

You were just speaking a moment ago. You were smiling. How could this happen?

Your eyes are so blank.

"Y-Y/N...." Suguru uttered, eyes wide and face pale.

He felt sick. He didn't feel right. This wasn't right. Why were you on the ground? Why were you bleeding? Why can't he move? Why can't he breathe? Are you going to get up? Please get up.

Riko continued to scream. She just wouldn't stop. Her once hopeful eyes were now reduced to horror and terror as she smeared the blood covering the side of her face. None of it hers.

It's yours.

Your eyes are blank.

What are you doing? Get up. Get up. Smile. Just breathe. Get up. Please, I'll do anything. I'll listen to you ramble about those books you love so much. I'll buy you those disgusting snacks you crave. I'll do anything for you.

Please don't die.

Your eyes are blank.

"Oh," groaned a voice that rattled Suguru's soul. "I missed."

Suguru slowly turned his head to stare at the man. The one that had stabbed Satoru through the chest and had talked to him like an old friend. The one that was now standing, clutching a gun in his hand, pouting as if he was amused by his miscalculation.

As if your death was something he hadn't accounted for.

"How..." Suguru's voice doesn't feel like his own. It feels like he's out of body. As if something else is controlling him. He felt something warm on his cheek, but he couldn't reach for it. His limbs felt heavy, his hands cold. What was happening? Why did everything feel so muddled? "How'd you get here?"

Still, Riko screamed.

Still, your eyes were blank.

The man frowned. "How...?" Suddenly, he chuckled and pressed the side of the gun to his temple. "I see. I killed Gojo Satoru."

Suguru was swarmed with an unfamiliar feeling of rage. You and Satoru had once praised him for his ability to remain calm and level headed when things seemed to crumbled around all of you. He was the voice of reason— your moral compass. The map that lightened your way.

Suddenly, he felt like he was reduced to nothing but rage and this empty feeling in his chest.

Your eyes are blank.

Gojo Satoru is dead.

"I see..." Suguru growled, his eyes unmoved from the man across from him. "Then die!"

III. 2007

Suguru didn't feel right.

Although, he hadn't felt right for 11 months. 47 weeks, and five days. 8,016 hours. 480,960 minutes. 28,857,600 seconds.

He hadn't been right since the moment you dropped dead.

Your eyes were blank.

He wasn't enough to fight against Fushiguro Toji. The man had ruthlessly downed him then killed Riko. It was like it was nothing. He came, he killed, then he left.

Suguru had laid amongst the rubble of Toji's doing and stared into your blank eyes. He still wasn't sure how long it was. He couldn't move and he could barely breathe as the blood from his chest trickled to the stone and concrete under him. Your eyes stared lifelessly into his own. Endlessly. A never-ending staring contest that he pleaded to end.

The entire time he laid on the floor of Tengen's barrier. His mind only repeated one thing.

Please get up. Please be alive. Please get up. Please get up.

Your brains had scattered across the floor and your eyes were unmoving but he spent so much time just pleading with you to snap out of it. He thought he was enough. He apologized for not being enough.

Please get up. I promised to prove it to you.

There was a point he passed out. He could remember thinking, thankfully, that he was going to die. And he swore he heard your gurgled call for him.

Then, he woke up.

Shoko had looked distraught. He could still remember the way she eyed him wearily through red rimmed eyes. Cautious as she told him that you were dead. As she told him Satoru was gone.

Gone. But not dead.

Suguru had, very briefly, rejoiced in Satoru's survival.

Shoko said she cleaned your blood off his cheek.

Suguru hated her for a while after that.

He didn't stay at the infirmary for long. Despite Shoko telling him that Yaga wanted to see him and that he shouldn't move around yet, he dragged himself away. He dragged himself to the cult. He dragged himself along the side walk with his mind flashing with images of your blank eyes.

Was that all death was? Nothingness? Did it comfort you? Did it welcome you? Was it everything you imagined?

His mind wouldn't rest.

He could remember as he entered the building. As he heard the resounding and endless applause. He mindlessly entered and was meant with a never-ending crowd, parting as they just clapped, and clapped, and clapped. It rumbled through his ears, bouncing around his brain.

Your eyes were blank.

When the crowd parted, he remembered the clench of his heart as Satoru, bloodied and blank, appeared. He carried Riko's body in his arms. Lifelessly moving forward. His eyes stared right through Suguru.

"You're late," Satoru had teased blankly. His voice distant and flat. It missed its usual punch. "No.... I guess your're early."

Suguru remembered the confusion that washed over him as he stared at the one he loved. "Satoru... is that you...?"

What happened to you?

"It looks like you saw Shoko." Satoru had sounded like he wasn't entirely aware of his surroundings. Or he didn't care. "Is Y/N there right now?"

Suguru didn't have the heart then. He could remember silently apologizing to you, but he hadn't thought Satoru could handle the news of your death amongst this room.

"Shoko fixed me up fine." His eyes had moved to Riko's limp hand and he felt sick. Her screams were still in his mind. He almost threw up. "I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who messed up. Don't worry about it." Satoru had easily deflected.

Suguru couldn't handle the clapping. They just didn't stop. They clapped, and clapped, and clapped.

Your eyes were blank.

"Suguru," Satoru's voice had stopped him in his tracks. His voice was so detached and so odd. Suguru couldn't handle much change then. He couldn't handle hearing Satoru so different. Not then. "Do you want to kill them all?"

Suguru could remember the shock that shook his body. Could remember the bitterness that immediately followed. The realization that he would love nothing more than to unleash the worst on these people and sum their deaths up as their lives— useless.

"Suguru," He had sworn he heard your voice, distorted and all too sweet. His back stiffened and his eyes widened. "Do you hate them, Suguru?"

He did. He hated them. He wanted them all to burn. He wanted them to suffer. Suguru would've loved nothing more than to have heard all of them plead for their lives. To have the same terror that Riko had when she realized her life was coming to an end. To have that same blank look in their eyes as you had.

Your eyes were blank.

"It's pointless." Suguru had shot down emotionless. He still wasn't sure if he was answering that tiny voice in his head or Satoru, maybe it was both. Who really cared?

"Pointless, huh?" Satoru walked past Suguru and started to make his way outside. "Does there need to be a reason?"

"Of course, it's important." Suguru had easily answered. "Especially as Jujutsu Sorcerers."

11 months. 47 weeks, and five days. 8,016 hours. 480,960 minutes. 28,857,600 seconds later, he believed that was all bullshit.

It surprised him how much and how little could change in a year.

The way everyone seemingly returned to normal and he was left in the past.

Suguru felt like his life was now segregated into two sections: Before the Star Plasma Vessel assignment and after the Star Plasma Vessel assignment. Before and after you.

He realized, quickly and bitterly, that the after you was worse than the before.

Before he knew of your existence, he was happy to be alone. He embraced the fact that kids at school thought him odd, unapproachable. That they would whisper about his habits behind his back. He was happy to know that no one wanted to be around him. It meant they didn't see what he saw. He didn't know anything else.

But the after you was considerably worse.

You had given him that breath of fresh air. That love that he had unknowingly reached out for his entire life. The way you and Satoru had touched him, he didn't even know his heart ached for that type of love. He didn't know he was depraved until you showed him.

He hated it. For a moment, he hated you.

In the first weeks after your death, he felt angry. He was bitter. Even as Satoru rubbed his back in bed. Even as he told Suguru it wasn't his fault. Even as everyone told him that you would hate to see him like that. He felt a hatred. A regret.

For months, he hated you.

He'd ignore topics centered around you. He ignored the day that Shoko and Satoru cleaned out your dorm for a new first year. He was stagnant and blank at the funeral your family held. When everyone walked up to recall memories about you, he didn't. He just listened and he thought that none of them truly captured you. They said you were kind, that you were funny, that you went our of your way to help whoever needed it.

If it was Suguru up there, he would've said you were selfish. That you always put your life on the line when it wasn't needed. That you were arrogant. That you could really make him worry.

But he loved you.

That's what he hated most. Isn't that the worst?

He hated that he loved the way he missed your hugs, your reassurances. He hated that he missed worrying about you. That he wouldn't ever see you again. That he wouldn't join you on a mission and be forced to listen to Yaga or fellow students worry about your sanity. He missed that sometimes you would play into Satoru's words, like saying the three of you were strongest together.

"Hey," Satoru called from across the training yard. Suguru barely looked up. "Have you lost some weight? Are you okay?"

Satoru became "The Strongest". His abilities were starting to blossom and it allowed him to work by himself. The higher-ups sent them alone. And Suguru hadn't felt more confined in his life.

"I'm just a little tired from the summer heat." Suguru easily explained it away, his hands buried deep within his pockets. "It's not a problem."

"Maybe you had too much somen noodles?" Satoru asked, niavely.

"No," Suguru wanted to snap at him. "It's the fact I can't eat without feeling sick. I can't taste anything except the fucking vomit of the curses. I hate it. I hate it. I'm always sick. I'm so hungry. But I can't eat."

Instead, he sighed. "Maybe."

The curse population was springing up like maggots. Everywhere and all consuming. The summer had been busy and Suguru truly was tired. In his heart, he started to blame the mess of last year for the increase of curses. It was easier to blame that than nothing. It was better to put a face to his suffering rather than blame himself.

The repetitiveness of his life was becoming crushing.

An endless cycle of exorcism and consumption.

Exorcise. Consume.

You had once asked him what curses tasted like. Under a beautiful tree and a beautiful night sky. You stared at him from your place on the ground. "Suguru, what does it taste like?"

"It's a taste nobody knows." He had explained. "Like ingesting a rag used to wipe up vomit."

Exorcise. Consume.

"Oh," You had uttered, a heavy frown on your lips as you pondered on it. "I'm sorry."

Exorcise. Consume.

He didn't need your pity then. But it had been nice. It felt nice for someone to pretend they understand the disgust, the bitter tang. He pretended that it helped.

"Thanks."

Then, you asked, "Would it help if you had mints?"

No. "Yes."

That first Christmas you all spent together, you got him mints. And, despite it doing nothing, he still popped one in his mouth every time. False hope that something could push down the disgust he had for his technique, for what he was considered special for. What lengths he went to save people.

For what?

Every since that day, the day you and Riko died, it's been running through Suguru's head. That everything he saw, Toji, your blood, your brains, the never-ending applause of the cult members— it was a hideous evil known to everyone. What he saw wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Still, knowing that, he protects them as a Jujutsu sorcerer.

"We can't lose our way." You had reassured one day when the curse you and him were fighting was particularly ruthless. It had killed so many people that the both of you hadn't been the same for weeks. "Don't lose your way. We just have to follow through with our duty as sorcerers."

The thunderous applause took over that of his heart.

"Monkeys." Suguru uttered in the shower. The first time he whispered it. His eyes unmoving from the wall as the water trickled down, down, and down.

Your eyes were blank.

"Do you hate them, Suguru?"

His hand clenched above him. "Fucking monkeys."

He snapped the water off and robotically dried himself off.

Suguru felt like he was merely living through the motions. That he was being guided other peoples words and the wind itself. He was merely a leaf being blown away. There wasn't anything he could do to stop it. Nothing he could do to ground himself and force himself to take the wheel. To be in control. He could only watch on.

He found himself hunched over on the bench near the vending machines. He barely acknowledged the rain that poured outside. It was one of those days. Those days where the weather matched his mood and made it considerably worse. Maybe he could get away with hiding inside his dorm. Being curled on the bed and not appearing until the rain was well gone— when Satoru couldn't ask him if he's ate.

He closed his eyes in defeat. How could loneliness possibly feel worse now than it did then? He'd been alone for years before. Why was it worse now?

"Hi! Mister Geto!"

Suguru's eyes snapped open and dragged upwards. "Haibara..."

You liked Haibara. You said so on his first day. When he enthusiastically introduced himself to everyone— gave his blood type and his family history. You had laughed for twenty minuets. You said that Haibara was like a breath of fresh air. He had no idea what he was getting into and he was happy. Suguru said you were looking into it too much. You didn't agree. Then you invited both him and Nanami to join you all on a trip to Shinjuku.

You liked Haibara. He was sweet.

You liked Haibara. So did Suguru.

"Hope all is well!" Haibara continued, seemingly ignorant to the war raging on in Suguru's mind.

You liked Haibara. You trained him. He was sweet.

So did Suguru. "What can I get you to drink?" Suguru asked, pulling some change from his pockets.

"I couldn't possibly—" Haibara's eyes glanced at the vending machine then his eyes brightened. "I'll take a coke!"

Suguru couldn't help the little laugh that broke through his lips. Amusement in his eyes for the first time in a while as he gently dropped the change into the junior's cupped palm. Haibara pratically skipped over to the vending machine, dropping the coins in, and retrieved his coke.

Fully expecting him to carry on with a thanks, Suguru was a little surprised that he sat down beside him and smiled big.

"My mission tomorrow is pretty far away." The boy started, wiggling with excitement.

Suguru smiled softly. "That so? I'll be expecting a souvenir then."

"You got it! Something sweet or savory?"

"Satoru will probably have some too, so maybe something sweet."

This was the normal. It felt refreshing for everything to be so normal. A silent agreement amongst the second and third years to get everyone who asked a souvenir from their respective mission areas. It made for interesting foods or items. Silly things that he could place on his shelf or for him to take a bite and Satoru to steal the rest. Usually complaining about how no one ever gets him anything. Just like Okinawa when you picked that hat—

Your eyes were empty.

Suguru's smile faded away.

"Haibara..." He spoke, not entirely aware if his junior was speaking before he was. But Haibara's eyes moved to him with curiosity. He bowed his head once again. "Are you okay with being a Jujutsu sorcerer? Doesn't it bother you?"

Immediately, the junior took the question seriously. His chin rested between his finger and thumb, eyes narrowed in thought. "Hm... good question..." He uttered, a vague pout on his lips. "I'm not really the type to think too hard about things..."

"I don't think we should underestimate Haibara or Nanami." You had defended the two new boys against Satoru's beratement one day. Your eyes cut to where they were practicing against Yaga's cursed dolls. "We all started somewhere. I'm sure they'll surprise us one day."

"Giving my all toward something I know I can help with is a great feeling!" Haibara finally answered, snapping his fingers and looking at Suguru head on.

Suguru couldn't help the way his eyes widened. For whatever reason, his answered shocked him. It was a pure answer. Further proof that Suguru was different from everyone else. Proved that he was slowly losing a part of himself. Haibara hadn't been graced with the same tragedy he had. He didn't know the cruelty of people and was still hopeful.

"I see..." Suguru uttered, looking away once again.

"You're right." Spoke another voice that neither of them know. Both of the boys looked over to the woman that stood a few feet from them. She was tall, long blonde hair and she wore a smile on her face. "Are you Geto? What kind of girls are you into?"

Your eyes were blank.

He only stared in return.

"I like girls with healthy appetites!" Haibara answered happily.

Suguru frowned. "Haibara."

"It's fine!" He turned to Surguru with a bright light in his eyes. "She's not a bad person. I'm a pretty good judge of character!"

Suguru felt something in his chest shift.

"Do you hate them, Suguru?"

"You say that while sitting next to me?" He uttered, sparing the junior a sidelong glance.

"Of course!" Haibara didn't hesitate.

The woman laughed, resting a hand on her hip. "He was being sarcastic, kid!"

No, I'm not. Suguru almost felt compelled to say. But he didn't have the energy. There wasn't any point in arguing with this stranger either. She didn't know him and he didn't know her. Something he would happily continue to stay true.

Embarrassed, Haibara excused himself with the woman quickly taking his spot. In an instant, Suguru drew back and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Is he your junior? Such an honest and cute kid."

Suguru couldn't help the distasteful glare he sent from the side. "As a jujutsu, he shouldn't be so trusting." He said bitterly.

The woman looked a little discouraged by his little jab, but continued on. "And you, Geto? Are you going to answer my question?"

"Answer mine first— who are you?"

The woman raised her chin, a small smirk on her lips. "Special grade sorcerer Yuki Tsukumo. Ring a bell?"

"You're the...?"

Yes. Yes, it did. Suguru thought bitterly.

He could distinctly recall you rambling on about Tsukumo. On how you wished you could be like her. Someone highly recognized and didn't care what the higher-ups said— just lived her life. To Suguru, it sounded like Tsukumo was kind of a failure. But to you, it was as if she was a symbol of something amazing. Proof that something that was suddenly attainable to you.

Suguru had been convinced you just had a crush on her.

"Nice! The what?"

Suguru clenched his jaw at her interruption of his thoughts. "The no-good special grade who doesn't take on any missions and just bums around overseas." He informed her flatly.

The woman's smile slipped away and she pouted heavily. "I hate Jujutsu High!" She fell back, her elbows rested on the back of the bench. She sulking. "Just kidding. But I'm not lying when I say we don't see eye-to-eye. What they do here is treat symptoms. What I want is to get at the root cause."

Suguru couldn't help perking up with interest. "The root cause?" He asked slowly.

"I don't want to exorcise curses after they appear. I want a world where curses don't even exist."

He stared at her in shock. A world without curses? He felt like he could almost rejoice. His heart gave a little skip and he almost felt like things were normal.

"How about a little lesson? Tell me, what are curses anyway?"

He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "Curses are created when cursed energy leaks from humans. It then gathers like sediment and takes form." He answered easily. It was something taught in their first year, something everyone knows.

"Excellent," Tsukumo encouraged, nodding. "If that's the case, there are two ways to create a world where curses no longer exist: one, eradicate cursed energy from all humanity. Two, teach humans how to control their cursed energy. The first one's not a bad idea. There was a model case for it after all."

"A model case?"

"Someone you're familiar with: Zen'in Toji."

Almost instantly, Suguru felt an anger rush over him. Toji. That was someone else that he tried to avoid thinking about. Usually, it only led to thoughts darker than when he thought about you. He thought about the various things he would've done to Fushiguro if given the chance. The slow and torturous death he would've given to him if he had the chance. He doubted it would eat away the hatred in his heart, but Suguru would take anything to have him suffer as you did. As he did.

"There have been several cases where heavenly restriction has reduced a person's cursed energy to normal levels. But to eradicate one's cursed energy completely... I've searched all over the world, and he's the only one who's ever done it. But that's not the only thing that's interesting about him. Despite not having cursed energy, Zen'in Toji was able to sense curses using his five sense. By eliminating all cursed energy, his body became sharpened to the point where he developed a resistance to curses."

A part of Suguru really wanted to tell Tsukumo that he didn't care. That monster died and he was glad to hear it. Even if he was the only way to get rid of curses, he was overjoyed that the man was dead now.

"Don't feel bad about losing him." Suguru scoffed, face blank. "I wanted to research him but he blew me off. It's too bad he died."

You smiled at Riko. You held her shoulders. You were going to take her home.

Your eyes were blank.

I killed Gojo Satoru.

"Cases of heavenly restriction are few and far between. So my focus is on two." Tsukumo seemed completely unaware of Suguru's mind raging on while she spoke. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Did you know, jujutsu sorcerers don't give birth to curses?"

That snapped Suguru out of his thoughts. He slowly dragged his eyes to stare at the side of the woman's head as she carried on.

"Of course, that's excluding cases where sorcerers become curses after death—" Do you hate them, Suguru? "—The amount of cursed energy that leaks from sorcerers, compared to from non-sorcerers, is extremely low. There is a difference in how much we consume and use cursed energy because of our profession. But the real reason lies in how it flows through us. For sorcerers, it flows heavily within us. If we're talking general terms— if every single human became a jujutsu sorcerer, no curse would ever be born again."

Suguru's world as he knew it, paused.

The thunderous applause returned. The cheers as Satoru carried Riko's body through the crowd.

The deafening thud of your body as you fell lifelessly to the ground. Riko's scream as your blood painted half of her face. The way his heart echoed against his head as he stared.

You eyes were blank.

Those people. Humans. Non-sorcerers. They created the world that killed you. They created a world where he was alone.

Do you hate them, Suguru?

"Then why not just kill every non-sorcerer?" He asked softly, not daring to lift his head or eyes from between his feet.

There was a silence between the two of them that made him tense up. He said something wrong. But why didn't it feel wrong? Why didn't the suggestion disgust him or make him sweat? Why did it feel like an idea that was meant to be said?

"Geto," Tsukumo finally spoke, voice slow and calculated. "That is an option."

What?

"In fact, that might be the easiest route!"

Suguru slowly lifted his eyes from the floor and stared at the woman next to him with wide eyes. Now, he felt it. He felt the sweat on his brow. It's an option. "What?" He uttered, tilting his head to try and meet her eye as she stared into the distance. "Um..."

"Weed out non-sorcerers and make them adapt to a jujutsu sorcerer based society. In other words, forced evolution. Kinda like how birds grew wings. Using dear and danger as a catalyst."

It's an option. Suguru couldn't shake his stare. He was holding his breath and just staring at her.

"But," There it is. "I aint' that crazy."

She looked amused, but she didn't know him. She didn't know his feelings and the fact that he hated—

"Do you hate non-sorcerers, Geto?" She asked it sincerely.

Do you hate them, Suguru?

His eyes went back the floor, ashamed. "I don't know." He started with a whisper. "I used to think jujutsu sorcerers existed to protect non-sorcerers. But recently, I've been doubting whether non-sorcerers are worth fighting for. The preciousness of the weak. The ugliness of the weak. I can no longer tell the difference. The part of me that looks down on non-sorcerers.... the part of me that tries to resist that feeling...."

The thunderous applause returned. The cheers as Satoru carried Riko's body through the crowd.

The deafening thud of your body as you fell lifelessly to the ground. Riko's scream as your blood painted half of her face. The way his heart echoed against his head as he stared.

You eyes were blank.

"If being a jujutsu sorcerer is like running a marathon, then the finish line is too unclear." Suguru placed a hand against his forehead, hairs tangled between his fingers. "I don't know what I really feel."

"It's understandable, you know?" Suguru glanced at her with a frown as she eyed him contemplatively. "You watched your friend die, right? It's never easy. Messes you up. I'm sure I don't have to tell you."

You don't.

"Death and mourning something can really conjuring some nasty things in your mind. Like killing non-sorcerers— you want to take that anger out on someone. The anger for your friend's life being taken away." She explained it like it was so easy, as if she knew his next steps when he did not. "But looking down on non-sorcerers... resisting that feeling... those are just possibilities you've thought of. Whatever your true feeling is, you still have to decide."

The conversation didn't lead to anywhere else and Suguru was feeling himself grow more tired the more he stayed away from his dorm. He was about to excuse himself when Tsukumo asked for him to follow her out. She didn't say much on the way out and Suguru was grateful for it.

The woman got on her bike and waved at him. "I'll see ya! I was hoping to say hi to Gojo as well. Bad timing, I guess." She slid her goggles on. "As fellow special grade sorcerers, let's all three of us get along, okay?"

Suguru gave her his best smile, which wasn't much. "I'll send you regards to Gojo."

Tsukumo smiled, starting up her bike. She was about to ride off when she looked back at him. "One last thing. Don't worry about what happened with the Star Plasma Vessel. Whether there was another vessel or another vessel was born— whatever happened, Tengen is stabilized."

He didn't think it possible, but his hatred grew. Tengen is stabilized.

The thunderous applause returned. The cheers as Satoru carried Riko's body through the crowd.

The deafening thud of your body as you fell lifelessly to the ground. Riko's scream as your blood painted half of her face. The way his heart echoed against his head as he stared.

You eyes were blank.

Tengen is stabilized.

Suguru bowed his head as she drove off. "I figured."

What the fuck had you died for, anyway?

Haibara was dead and he'd seen the body. The entire time Suguru thought of you.

As Nanami attempted to hold back tears, as he explained that they were caught off guard by a special grade, Suguru saw you in Haibara's place.

Both of you victims of a system created to protect people who weren't grateful. Who didn't even know you exist. People who had spared both of you not a single glance despite being so caring, so selfless. Who were they to put this unbearable burden on everyone's shoulders then act like you were different?

Haibara was sweet. You liked him. So did Suguru.

Haibara was dead. So were you. Suguru felt hatred build in him.

As he stared at Haibara's bloodied face, he had thought one thing: who would suffer for this death?

Gojo completed the mission. Gojo exorcised the curse. Gojo. Gojo. Gojo. Gojo.

Gojo.

Why should Gojo be the one wrecking havoc? When it was Suguru that was filled with rage? When he was the one that wanted nothing more than to harm the ones that caused this all?

Do you hate them, Suguru?

"What is this?" Suguru asked slowly, staring at the sight before him.

Two girls seemingly coward away from him. Their faces bloodied and bruised. The cage that contained them offered no comfort. Just the cold hard ground and the darkness. They shook under his gaze and he couldn't find it in himself to look away. He couldn't turn around and question the people behind him. He did not know what he'd do if he looked them in the eyes as they explained themselves.

"What do you mean? These two are responsible for the incident, right?" Asked one man.

Suguru clenched his jaw. "No, they are not."

"These two possess strange powers and often attack the villagers."

This was of your own creation.

"I already dealt with the cause for the incident."

"My grandchild nearly died because of these two!" Protested the elderly woman as if she realized that Suguru wasn't going to believe these two were responsible.

The blonde child leaned forward. "That was because they—"

"Shut up you monsters!"

"Your parents were the same! I knew we should've killed you when you were born!"

As the two adults berated the children, Suguru came to a decision. His heart was no longer torn in two. As he stared at the girl's, his resolution was made.

He lifted his finger and a shadowed curse sprouted. "It-It'll be okay..." The girls stared at him with wide eyes, almost relieved. If he were a different man. If he in a different mindset then, he would've cried over the relief that washed over them. "Do...Don't worry... it'll be o-okay."

He ignored how familiar the voice was, how familiar the words were. He'd grown used to finding something that wasn't there in the curses he had collected. The fact that the ones he barely manifested were the ones that sounded like you the most.

Suguru turned around to the villagers and smiled. One that he hadn't managed to conjure up in some time.

"Let's step outside for a moment, shall we?"

The two followed him out and Suguru wasn't sure what words he said, what movement he made, but he could see the horror in their eyes. As he manifested his beloved curses, the one people like them had created, he felt an anger bubble up. Emotions that he had desperately pushed aside in an attempt to continue his life were now running their way to the forefront of his mind.

The grief of losing you. The anger of the complete disregard of you life by the society as a whole. The fact that there was nothing left of you now. Nothing—

"Suguru, do you hate them?"

His body stiffened. His wide eyes dragged from the horrified, begging people before him, to over his shoulder. The shadow that loomed over him now.

He'd read about this before. It was some obscure book he found while researching previous curse manipulators. It talked about various things that he used to prove to Yaga that he was learning something. One section had piqued his interest, but it was never information that he'd use in random day-to-day. Vengeful spirits. Usually, this only happened after sorcerers die without jujutsu being used against them. Their very soul and spirit is corrupted and transformed into something horrible. Something darker than who they truly were in life.

As Suguru stared at the spirit before him now, he knew what he had inadvertently done to you. The way your large body curled around him, wisps of what should be hair floating above you, your body clad in an open and flowing kimono. What caught his eyes the most, were your own eyes. Despite being almost invisible, he was relived. They were not blank. Instead, they looked like they burned with the rage he had held back for years.

It was as if you were the extension of his very soul.

"It should be noted that if you find yourself attached to a vengeful spirit: You must establish a clear master/servant bond. As the spirit is attached to your own soul, they musn't be allowed to overcome you. If exorcism is not an option, then create a clear set of rules. Summon them only when necessary. Vengeful spirits are not to be taken lightly."

"Suguru, do you hate them?" Your eyes did not leave his.

This time, he didn't hesitate nor lie. "Yes."

He heard them whimper in fear.

You moved unnaturally, but he didn't care. "Do you want them to die, Suguru?"

His eyes narrowed. "Yes."

Your hand rested on his shoulder and he didnt even care if your talon like nails dug into his flesh. He watched, awestruck, as you turned your feral gaze onto the cowering villagers. "Can I hurt them for you, Suguru?"

Despite your state, despite what it meant for him, he couldn't help but feel the warmth blossom through his chest. He basked in the feeling of your brushed against his shoulder.

"Yes."

An unnatural smile creeped over your face and your shot forward, now clutching your katana.

All Suguru could think was: you're back.

"Suguru....what have you done?"

Geto adjusted his gojogesa with a emotionless mask over his face. The bags that had adorned his eyes for the past year were mostly gone. He was finally able to eat. His mind wasn't constantly ringing with that thunderous applause or the thud of your body. Instead, he was free. There was silence.

Except whenever you spoke.

"Where did you get that energy? Suguru, answer me!"

He had seen Gojo a week ago. He had said his goodbyes, vaguely masked as threat. Geto knew what they were now. Enemies by default. He knew it couldn't be long before the higher-ups found out about the village— known exactly what he'd become that night. He was a curse user.

God, was that a great feeling.

Geto was giddy that night. He couldn't help the giddiness he felt with his freedom. The happiness he felt as he held Nanako and Mimiko in his arms, trekking through the woods to the main street where he dragged them to his parent's house. That whole situation had been something in itself. Their anger, their confusion, the heartbreak for not understanding their son anymore.

Geto had simply taken what he needed for the twins, then left you to take care of his parents.

"You feel it, don't you, Gojo? You see them."

There was an assortment of things that Geto found himself doing after he defected. He suddenly found himself in the place of taking care of two twin girls that clung to his clothes and followed his every word like he was the Buddha guiding them towards enlightenment. There big eyes screamed the thank you's that he did not need or would accept. Still, he could tell that they were trying to prove that they were useful to him. Whatever that meant coming from a pair of 6 year olds.

The second thing he'd started was taking over the Star Plasma Religious Group. Although he heard they had disbanded a year prior, it appeared that they were just absorbed by another money hungry fool scamming them for every last cent they had. Not that he was about to go bad mouthing other people's methods for something he was about to do himself. It was surprisingly easy to take over a religious group when you had a vengeful spirit hanging off of you. The men, although easy to get on his side, he still killed. There was no point to their existence now. Not when he had his own plans outside from worshipping the likes of Tengen.

The last thing he was taking care of was you.

"....What did you do?"

"Nothing. I did nothing. They're was always with me."

Geto's adventure back into the books covering vengeful spirits was actually welcomed this time around. As a younger student, he hadn't really cared to think about what would happen to him if he happened to die in a terribly normal way. But now it was something he regarded with the utmost fascination. The different descriptions of vengeful spirits made him ponder exactly what you were.

Violent and seeking revenge. Sad and lost. Unaware they're dead and seeking guidance. Plague that spreads death, leeching off certain hosts. Clingy, they seek approval from the attached for their actions. These spirits had a connection with the host in their life and feel something unfinished in their death.

He could remember the look in Gojo's eyes as his eyes strained to look over Geto's shoulder. The fear and the realization that washed over him. The anger in his eyes as he seemed to grieve over not only Suguru, but you as well. The waver in his voice as he asked Geto what he had done. It almost made Geto feel bad.

Almost.

Gojo had his life laid out for himself. The higher-ups knew what they could do with him. He was practically bred and born for his role amongst everything. He'd live and die the jujutsu society. Something that always unsettled Suguru, but something Geto accepted. He came second. Last compared to jujutsu.

At least he had you. It was you and him first. Then Gojo. He could make this work again. He wouldn't let anything happen to you again.

Geto shifted his attention elsewhere as he flattened his robes.

God, he really did look the part now, didn't he? Except, maybe, the hair. But he wasn't doing anything about it.

"This place is still a religious group to the public, are you okay with that?" Asked one of the nameless faces that Geto would encounter in his life.

He over looked the stage before him with a flat expression. "As long as I can collect curses and money, that's all right." He reassured.

The man frowned, looking at Geto with some vague confusion. "Are you really going out there like that?"

He let a grin spread across his lips. "Why not? Bluffing and looking the part is important."

"Master Geto..."

He spared the twins a soft glance, a reassuring smile gracing his features. He reached down and ruffled their hair gently. "Be sure to watch closely." He whispered to them, watching with a warmth in his heart as they smiled and giggled at one another. "Have they gathered?"

"Directors, representatives. The chairman. And a lot more money waiting."

Geto grinned, taking the microphone from the man, and making his way out onto the stage.

The last time he'd been in the building they were giving a thunderous applause for Riko's death and, by extension, yours. He had been waiting a year to see them all again. To look them in the eyes and find a proper way to make them suffer. To make them feel the same fear or suffering that you and Riko had in your last moments.

"Can everyone hear me? Thank you for waiting, I'll keep this short." He announced as he came to a stop before them all. Nameless faces, judgmental side eyes, questionable whispers to one another. They did not remember Suguru. But he would make sure they remembered Geto. "As of this moment, this group is mine. We'll have a new name as well. You all will obey me."

Instantly, there was a scattered rise of opposition in the crowd.

Geto's grin faltered as he listened to the various questions of exactly who was he made their way to him. He could hear the anger and the confusion. His frustration heightened.

"Well, isn't that a shame." He dragged a hand over his face, eyes grazing the crowd before he grinned one more. He tried to look as inviting as he could, waving a hand at one man in particular. "Mister Sonoda! Could you please come up to the stage? Yes, that's right, you!"

As the older man stood from his seat and hobbled his way up, Geto narrowed his eyes. Despite his smile, his eyes couldn't hide the contempt and the hatred he had for the man before him. He could see that he noticed in the way he faltered on the steps. But pushed through and stood by Geto's eyes.

He made eye contact with Sonoda, then— "Y/N."

He found it easy to summon you. To watch you tear away at the man who had so brazenly ordered Riko's death. To listen to the garbled expressions of hatred you exclaimed as you tore his enemies limb-by-limb. It felt like it was some form a justice. To finally see the horror in their eyes, the blankness of it all. Bittersweet for him to watch.

However, he couldn't stand there and watch you in awe forever. He had people to take under his control.

Geto turned his attention back to the crowd. Satisfaction grew in his chest as he saw the horror and shock fall over their faces. Easily, Geto threw the microphone away.

"Now then, let's try this again." He scowled at the crowd, feeling you loom over his shoulder once again. He used his thumb to brush away some of the blood. "Obey me, monkeys."

III. 2015

"Are you mad at me, Suguru?"

Things had been going smoothly for Geto in the past eight years.

The cult, because that's what he considered it, was running finely. Those who owed money, gave it to him, or else. Those who followed, followed with loyalty, or else. Those who served no purpose, were dealt with. He had created a normal amongst the congregation. A standard that he himself had wanted to watch them scramble to keep. A constant state of panic or devotion for them that fed into his, honestly, growing ego.

Things like his family kept him rather humble.

The girls had grown accustomed to their lives with Geto. They seemed to thrive and love under his care. All of them had grown to a routine that they cherished with one another. They even seemed accustomed to you. The fear and confusion of others wasn't found in their eyes or hearts. Geto never properly explained what happened after death if certain things didn't take place, but they understood anyone. They knew you were important to him— by extension making you important to them.

The other members of the family— Laure, Miguel, Manami, Toshihisa— had a vague understanding of exactly what a vengeful spirit entailed. Although, they weren't jumping at the opportunity to really talk about it. Laure had attempted once, but the conversation died out quickly due to the look on Geto's face. The man was quick to drop the topic once he saw the expression painting the leader's face. Allegedly, he looked ready to kill.

Earlier that day, though, Miguel was braver. And Geto was in a far clearer mood.

"How did it happen?" The man's deep voice asked gently from where he sat across from Geto. Once the confusion set in of his sudden question, he raised an eyebrow at the apparent shadow rested behind his chair. "How did they get cursed?"

Geto himself had thought about it for years. He wondered what point you had been damned blessed to be attached to his soul even after death. It took him a long time. In the mix of things, death and decay, the sharp turn of his ideals— he had barely any time to really think about what made you this spirit clinging onto his life.

Some books said that it could be the connection shared by the host and spirit before death. Others said that hosts had the ability to curse the spirit themselves. That their desperation and their inability to let go was the true reason that sorcerers would live on as something horrible. Something completely opposite as to who they were in life.

He had pushed the thoughts away before they could ever really come to fruition. The possibility that he had been the one to create you into this. The thought alone was enough to twist his stomach. So instead he ignored it. He lived in blissful ignorance.

"Just happens sometimes after death." Geto answered flatly, turning his attention back to his book. He knew there was curiosity amongst his family to know things about you. Afterall, you were considered a part of the family, but there was simply no room to have conversation with you. You either grew hostile or confused and sought Geto out for answers. "Sorcerers whenever they're killed by a non-curse way or something another.

"Hm," Miguel's hum had remained unconvinced as his eyes trailed back to you. As your fingers hovered over the corner of the seat, but you didn't peek out. "There was a couple in my village back home. They were considered the ideal relationship at the time— I was a kid and thought so too. They were kind people. I always enjoyed getting special treatment from the wife, she was like a mother. She was one of the only other people I ever met in my home country that could see curses. Everything was good. But then her husband went and died from sickness. There was something different from the moment she died. She went a little crazy and one day she went and got real angry. Then— boom, there's her husband. But he was different. He was like yours."

Geto hadn't really known what to make of that rather non-sensical story at the time. He had just stared at Miguel before nodding slowly in return. "That's tragic." He wasn't interested in the possibilities.

"Nanako told me it was hard on you when they died." Miguel carried on as if he hadn't very visibly paused for Geto to speak his heart out. "Said that you said it was the reason you're the way you are now."

There was moments where Geto felt frustration with the twins. Their willingness to be so open with the family. Their ability to talk about their emotions so easily. The fact that they couldn't keep a secret for their lives.

The conversation about you had come up when the house was particularly restless and they were morbidly curious. They asked what you were like alive. What he was like as a kid. What the both of you were like in high school. How did you die.

He had looked off distantly and recalled the details— although he left out the gorey, unlikeable parts. He left in the parts where he was sad, that he had a hard time. He explained it in a way that kids like them could understand and use later to make sure they didn't end up the same way. Isolated and full of hatred.

Then, he made the mistake of mentioning Gojo. Their questions fell on deaf ears as he wished them goodnight and tried to drown out the memories of his youth.

"Don't get on her case about it. She's was just curious what certain things meant." Miguel must've taken his silence as anger because he stared at Geto with pleasantly narrowed eyes. "Have you ever considered exactly what happened to them?"

The question wasn't hostile or had any nefarious undertones.

He might as well had threatened Geto though.

Your eyes were blank.

"Please get up."

Geto had quickly excused himself, claiming that he needed to head to bed. He didn't miss the disappointment in Miguel's eyes or the fact that he had tensed up as you drew closer. He didn't want to think about it. What had taken place before, during, and after your death. He didn't need the questions—

"Please get up."

Tonight he couldn't escape it.

Eight years worth of questions and mystery filled his mind. The things he didn't dare address or ponder upon.

Sitting against his headboard, staring blankly into the darkness, he knew exactly how things ended up like this.

Him, a pathetic boy, staring into your lifeless eyes— he had begged for you to be alive. He had laid there with tears in his eyes, a pain in his chest, and a wavering plead breaking from his lips. Before he had fallen unconscious, he reached out his hand.

He reached out his hand.

Your eyes were blank.

Geto knew that he had cursed you. That his pleads and desperately attempt at touching you one last time had somehow damned you. He didn't need to know how it worked. He just knew that it was his fault.

The disgust in Gojo's eyes, the heartbreak, the shock. It was all things Geto deserved. For he had robbed you of the eternal rest you deserved.

The tears collected in his eyes and, for the first time in eight years, he felt a heavy bought of regret press against his chest.

He's known you longer dead than you were alive. Two years of his life had ruled onto the next eight. He had let his grief blind him. He was desperate to not let you go. To keep up some illusion in his head that he would be able to keep you there. To not let you fade away.

Selfish. He'd never been selfish before your death.

"Suguru?"

Your voice, distorted and garbled, was not something that he wanted to hear in that moment. Whatever reason, you were beside the bed now, head rested against your arms. He barely spared you a glance as the tears spilled over.

Selfish. Here you were now. Some weird sense in you to come out and comfort him. He had done this to you. An eternity to comfort him.

Selfish.

"Suguru, are you angry?" You sounded concerned, an odd sound that it didn't seem to fit you now.

Geto clenched his jaw, flexing his fingers. "Only at myself." He uttered.

You inched forward on the bed, a heavy frown spread across your face. "Why are you angry at yourself?"

He finally dragged his eyes to you, lids heavy and face almost as lifeless as your own. "I cursed you." He said it quietly but it felt extremely loud in his empty room. He looked for any realization in your eyes, any type of anger directed at him, but there was nothing. You just stared in return. You should be enraged. "I cursed you. Don't you understand what that means?"

Still, you didn't look angry.

"You saved me—"

"No, no, I didn't." Geto interrupted, closing his eyes in mild irritation. "I didn't... save you. I cursed you. I-I cursed you to stay by my side as I kill. As I kill in your name, you should be angry, Y/N."

“But… they’ve hurt you.” You say it with such confusion and sincerity that it makes him sick.

It’s then that he realizes what this all meant.

If you were alive now, you would look at him with all the rage in the world. You would damn him. You would be disgusted. If you were alive you would probably try to get him to see it all differently. You would tell him that staying with Gojo would’ve been better than this isolation, than this constant feeling in his chest. You would’ve known better than him.

It was then that he realized that he still blamed you for a lot. He wasn’t sure if things would be the same if just Riko died. Or maybe if you all had lived. Would he still be drawn to the same fate only later? Sometimes he was hopeful that he would be the same. Other times he wished he didn’t. All of it led to one thing: his anger for you.

There were some nights he would stay up and think about what you would do in his position. You would forgive them, try to use death as a chance to grow. You were much kinder than him. Or maybe you would be driven insane. None of you had quite tasted death until that mission. You probably would’ve handled things much differently than him if you had seen where Haibara ended up.

Bitterly, Geto thought, you probably would’ve given up.

Your sadness was always prone to taking you down. To whisper those forbidden and nasty things to you until you just wanted to bleed. You admitted to him and Gojo once that you didn’t even think you would make it to high school once. It scared them both, but you always got back up.

Yeah, you wouldn’t handle the sadness.

With a clenched jaw, Geto reached out and held your face. “I made you into this. You only kill and feel that way because that’s how I feel. Doesn’t that make you angry? Don’t you hate me?” He so desperately wanted you to see it from his point of view. He wanted the logic of it all to hit your brain and for you to finally finish what Toji and Gojo couldn’t— properly kill him.

However, just as you were in life, you would never take his life.

“I don’t care about those things.” You uttered in that distorted voice, those eyes of yours filled with emotions that he couldn’t hand pick. “Have I done something to upset you, Suguru?”

"No." Geto answered without hesitation. He pinched his eyes closed and took a deep breath. "I just want you to understand what this is."

He could feel your nail ghost over his thigh. "I understand."

Geto didn't believe you did, but he didn't have the energy to fight you. Not anymore. A part of him would always long to have a good long argument with you. But now it felt different. It felt as if it were all fabricated.

You were too agreeable now.

Please don't die. Please don't leave me.

But he supposed this was his punishment now. For being so desperate.

He rested his hand on top of your head. "Thanks for listening, I guess."

He can deal with the guilt later.

IV. 2017

Geto Suguru knew this would happen.

At least, a part of him was aware that death with a very high likely once he looked Gojo Satoru in the eye and declared war. Maybe even before that as he overlooked the mess of blood and limbs Rika had left behind at the elementary.

Either way, Geto Suguru knew this would happen.

"Hey," You had spoke one day as the three of them lounge in the courtyard. You had your uniform jacket open and your hair loose from the headband you wore to keep it out of your face. A good memory if it weren't for your next question. "Is it good to live a dishonorable life and have a honorable death, or a honorable life with a dishonorable death?"

"Huh? Why would you ask that now?" Satoru had pouted.

You had shrugged. "I mean, Yaga-sensei says that to be a sorcerer we'll have to live with our regrets, but he never talks about honor."

Satoru, in true fashion, rolled his eyes at you before taking a large bite out of his sandwich. "Because it's a bunch of self righteous mumbo-jumbo." He had said through a mouth full.

"Whatever." Your eyes dragged to Suguru. Your face had blossomed into a soft smile. "What do you think, Suguru?"

Suguru had frowned, biting on his lower lip as he thought. "I think what we all consider honorable varies. At the end of the day, you'll have to look back on your life yourself and decide whether you lived it worth wild." As you and Satoru stared at him with raised eyebrows, he shyly shrugged. "Don't worry about how honorable or dishonorable you'll be to others— just live a life that'll make you happy."

While you stared at him with someone akin to awe, Satoru stared blankly at him before bowing. "Truly inspirational, Suguru-sama, please invoke more of your wisdom on us!"

You had defended Suguru fervently as Satoru crowed against your assault. Then, he had been unwavering in his beliefs.

Now, Geto Suguru, stumbling down the ally with a missing arm, knew that all was bullshit.

There was nothing honorable or dishonorable about death. It was all a matter how people viewed you at the time. No one would be truly satisfied with their death because there would be a long list of things they wished they had done or hadn't done in their life.

As Yaga had said, they would all die with regrets.

His plans to obtain Rika had been rooted from a place of pure selfishness. His need to find alternative needs that didn't include using you in the most indescribable and unforgiveable way. He knew, deep down, that if he had used you the way that he planed to use Rika's powers— he would never forgive himself.

He hadn't even wanted to use you against Okkotsu Yuta. But that kid was something else. Most definitely a protege of Gojo Satoru. He could recall the caught off guard look on Okkotsu's face once you appeared. The confusion and the shock that overtook him as you wrapped yourself around Geto Suguru. He had uttered something that made the man falter.

"You're like me?"

There were so many things something that could mean.

You're like me: you're cursed with a love by your side, permanently protecting you against things that you didn't think were dangerous.

You're like me: someone had died so close to you that couldn't quite detach themselves from your soul.

You're like me: you cursed another because you couldn't accept that death was final?

Yes, Geto Suguru bitterly thought as his drive to kill Okkotsu grew. I did.

Now, Geto Suguru couldn't even feel you brewing with his soul. He didn't even think there'd be a difference if you ever left him. But there was this odd sense of loneliness deep within him that made him sick (definitely had nothing to do with the intense blood loss). His stomach churned as his mind silently cried out for you.

Was this true death? Nothing left to hold onto, just the memories and emptiness?

You're like me: you can't live without them.

Geto Suguru fell against the wall of the alley with a bitter scoff. Of course he couldn't. No matter how much he tried to convince himself, he spent the last 10 years attach his very life and soul around you. Tried to act like a big boy whenever he was asked what he would do if he was freed from this curse.

He didn't even get to say goodbye.

Your eyes were blank.

"You finally made it," Geto Suguru snorted as he shifted his eyes over to the looming figure feet from him. "Satoru."

There was something so jarring seeing him now.

Compared to when he arrived a month prior, Gojo Satoru lacked those bandages around his eyes. Those blinding and once comforting pair of sky blues were staring into his very soul blankly. Did he realize that he wasn't coming to say goodbye to you? To free you from a monster like Geto Suguru? That he had actually used you in a last ditch effort to obtain Rika?

He was sure he was aware now.

"You'll be the one to take me down, huh?" He kept a hold on his shoulder as he dragged his eyes away from Gojo Satoru to avoid the unbearable guilt that overcame him. Years of regret and what if's overtaking his mind. "How's my family?"

As long as Nanako and Mimiko were safe, he could die without regret.

"They all got away. Kyoto was your doing too, wasn't it?" Gojo Satoru's voice was as telling as it was 10 years ago. As saddened and angered as the day he had walked away from it all.

"Yeah, unlike you, I'm a kind person. You sent those two here knowing I'd defeat them.... just so you could trigger Okkotsu's growth." He had been thinking about it since the moment Okkotsu's eyes had darkened. The unbearable grief that took over the boy as he eyed his unmoving and bloody friends.

Your eyes were blank.

"It's called trust. People with beliefs like yours wouldn't kill a young sorcerer without reason."

Geto Suguru laughed. "Trust, huh?" He couldn't help the amusement flow through him. After all these years... "I didn't realize you still felt any connection with me."

His counterpart responded with a scoff. "Suguru." It was said with the weight of a thousand lonely days— as if Satoru had thought the same. As if nothing had changed. The man clenched his jaw, ducking his eyes from view as he spoke once again: "Any last words?"

Geto Suguru drew in a heavy breath, things were really getting hazy now— almost feather light. "No matter what, I'll always hate those monkeys." His words were said with the disdain and hatred of the past ten years. Then he thought about where he was 10 years ago. The grief and the isolation that overtook him. He grew quiet. "But it's not like I hate everyone at Jujutsu High. It's just that in this world... I couldn't wear a heartfelt smile."

Satoru stood there in silence. Seeming to take in the words carefully.

"Anything else?" He uttered.

Suguru frowned, ducking his head. There was one thing he had been thinking about for the past two years that grappled him in the most unnerving ways. "Do you think they'll forgive me?" His question was soft and barely there— he was barely there himself anyway.

Satoru scoffed, except it sounded more fond than before. "They were always too forgiving of us. If you're worried about your purgatory being apologizing to them for eternity, then you're fine— it'd be too easy anyway." He joked softly, except his blank expression didn't quite add to the comfort or joke of it all.

I'd spend the rest of time apologizing. Suguru fought the urge to say.

"I figured."

"Suguru," Satoru took attentive steps forward, crouching down to his level. Their eyes met and there was something almost tangiable in that gaze of his. "I love you. I forgive you."

Suguru couldn't help the shock that flushed over his body. As the pain seemed to leave him completely, he used the last bits of his strength to show Satoru a true smile. The only one he could really conjure.

"You could at least curse me at the end."

As Satoru stared at him, as Yuta Okkotsu celebrated with his friends the victory and their safety, and as Suguru took his last breaths, his eyes trailed over Satoru's shoulder.

You stared back with a kind smile. Looking more alive than you had in the past ten years, you wore the clothes you had the day you died, your normal boring uniform. Suguru hated to admit he missed seeing those terrible uniforms.

"Suguru."

[abilouwrites]

ARE YOU MINE

Zuko “someone to call mine” part two!

@multifandomedsimp ily bcz u commented and that shit makes my day

It takes me two days before I text the number on the gift card, “hello?” A voice answers, I know that voice, “this is Zuko”

“I know.. it’s y/n from the other day. You gave me your number on the gift card” I nervously say, “um this is so random but would you maybe want to—“

“Yes”

“I haven’t even said the question”

“Just yes” His voice feels so desperate and it makes me feel wanted in a way I’ve never felt for a guy before.

It doesn’t take long for us to meet up, “are you sure it’s not too late?” I ask walking into the locker rooms, “I’ve got lacrosse practice”

“No, I just want to see you that’s all” he replies, “have fun”

I finish up two hours later; shower and drive to the park where we’re going to walk about. I see him; baggy jeans and crewneck which is a contrast to my leggings and hoodie. My damp hair down and scrunched up, “hey” he smiles as I walk up to him; hands tucked into my pockets.

“Hi, it’s cold out tonight. Didn’t the groundhog say it was supposed to be warm now?” I laugh a little, but my joke feels stupid now, “do you have any siblings?” I ask

He sighs, “I have a sister, Azula but she’s not right in the head” he looks down a little disappointed but sighs and looks back up, “what about you”

“I have a little sister, Suki. She’s definitely a character” I smile a little, “she’s annoying to all annoyingness but I would kill for her”

“A little sister seems nice, um how was your practice?” He asks; we’re both a little awkward and it’s nice to feel this way again

“It was good, lots of drills. Especially being Varsity captain there’s a lot of pressure to do well” I ramble, “do you do any sports?” I ask, nervously stuffing my hands into my pockets to fidget and pull at my nails

“No. I just make tea” he laughs a little, it’s a nervous and hoarse thing but it eases me comfort that he feels as I do, “I used to play soccer but I lost the passion for it. You know?” He gives a short smile as we circle around, and we find ourself back at the tea shop, “tea?”

“That..” the wind brushes through my jacket, “would be so nice” I smile as he leads me inside, we don’t take long before we get comfortable with each other. Sitting next to each other, talking about whatever.

“What was your mom like?” I ask, rubbing my hands on the cup of lotus tea to keep warm, “can I ask that?”

“I guess, she was kind, and sweet. The only one who actually tried to help poor Azula. My uncle has stepped up in her place and in my father’s too” he confesses, he looks so sad. I wrap my hand around his loose one that hangs by his side. Twisting my fingers intertwined with his.

“My dad left when I was four. I never really knew why but throughout my parents marriage he..” there’s a long exhale and I lean against him, bunching my knees to my chest, “was cheating on my mom. But she was pregnant with Suki” I pause trying to remember what happened. There was a fight, breaking glass but, “I can’t remember anything else”

“Thank you, for sharing that with me. My father was the same, he never cheated on my mother but he wasn’t a kind man either. I lied before. My scar doesn’t come from a tea pot exploding” he confesses, looking down ashamed at his own lie that doesn’t seem too horrible, “my father burned me. I think it’s a blessing I don’t exactly remember what happened”

“Yes. Maybe it is a good thing. I really like you Zuko” I admit. Maybe it’s the warm tea in my stomach or how talking about things that have hurt me so bad and not crying over it. It makes me feel good in some way

“I really like you too”

[mecachrome]

fic writer questions

haiii thank u @bright-and-burning for the tag :') nobody is online so i will Reflect and return with a worse image...

how many works do you have on AO3?

20 (16 on my main account, 4 on my sports account)... and then 15 more on dreamwidth 🥲

what's your total ao3 word count?

175.5k T__T

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

gurllll. no one needs to see my 11th grade k-pop fic like that

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try my best but i have a difficult relationship with my writing so i often block out that i wrote a fic at all after some time and it hinders my ability to acknowledge commenters directly ;__; and then i always feel awkward responding like 6 months late to someone so i just let it go even though i know no one actually minds... i really do appreciate every comment i get though and deeply cherish everyone's kind words and generosity!!!

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i don't really write angsty endings tbh i just write vaguely bittersweet ambiguous stuff... perhaps sharl character study i wrote for a friend's birthday would be up there because the whole thing is just inelegant whump LOL

what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

for my own birthday a couple of years ago i wrote an extremely self-indulgent k-pop fic with all of my favorite tropes and also coded elaborate interactive html/css elements with multimedia messages and notifications you could tap on and the whole thing was just sweet secret relationship toothrutting fluff 💗 anyway extremely cringe but i enjoyed myself and thought it was mostly cute

do you write crossovers?

i haven't for any fictional fandoms... the concept is fun though!

have you ever received hate on a fic?

not directly 2 my face !!!

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i'm an ambiguous fade 2 black kind of guy even if i do try my best at times... TT i'm just too repressed 4 this life unfortunately. pwp writers have my major respect it really is sooo difficult to write cohesive compelling comprehensible porn 

have you ever had a fic stolen?

idts but i have had oomfs/people adjacent my circles turn out to be plagiarizers which is always an unpleasant surprise!

have you ever had a fic translated?

yasss shoutout to anyone who has translated my random fics to russian or spanish 🧡

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes ! i wrote a bnha au for a k-pop ship with my friend once lol she wrote most of it and i kind of just contributed a scene and the concept but it was still really fun, she's a much better writer than i could ever hope to be... also helped friend finish a fic for a fest once because it was overdue and she tapped out so i was up until 6am filling in scenes randomly for her. oh to be 18 again <3

what's your all-time favorite ship?

unfortunately in f1 it is simply landoscar... all-time i don't know!!! actually i do but i don't want to say it. nvm

what's a wip that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

arghhh... all of my 814 wips at the moment honestly. especially my kidfic verse that i'm deeply attached to but tragically incapable of working on TT and the jb81 that i totally gave up on!!!

what are your writing strengths?

this is an oxymoron.... i have never written anything good in my entire life. i love to beta read other people's fic for grammar though that's always fun

what are your writing weaknesses?

poor/stiff dialogue, horrible romantic development, inconsistent scene lengths, completely flat plot, no concept of good writing practices in general, a horrible tendency to purple prose, inability to write any actual conflict, i could go on

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

ehmmm i had a lot of strong opinions on this in k-pop fandom LOL and then it was funny to see the same thing happening in f1 but just with different languages (so much random french/german dialogue...) but i think there are untranslatable or commonly recognized words that can be sprinkled in verbatim, like in k-pop it makes sense to use certain honorifics that don't have english equivalents but i draw the line at not translating existing terms like "mom" lol... but i have a lot of thoughts on how languages are communicated in fic in general (perhaps too many), like i also overthink how to communicate grammatical structure - so if i'm writing a french character speaking french but presenting the dialogue in english or same with korean in k-pop fic i usually try to make it flow in a way that is as grammatically reasonable as possible, which goes beyond simple semantics but into the actual logic of syntax + verb order... ok i'll stop actually

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

i was writing crasy fanfiction in middle school 🧡 earliest i remember though is probably naruto circa 6th/7th grade... honestly hard to say because i purged a lot of my ffdotnet output out of shame in 8th grade lmfao

what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I Forgor...

what's your favorite fic you've written?

for my sports fics i'm partial to my latest 814 fic because i feel like it's just generally inoffensive and not plainly awful 🤔 in general though i'm attached to some of my like most niche audience_of_2 dw fic that i've written for nugu boy groups with literally 0 fans. like a level of total nobodyness few can comprehend........... we were in the trenches

no pressure tagging @piastrisms @chelemlem @miamimaiden @liamlawsonlesbian if it would be of any interest ! 🥰

[shorti11]

OK, SO FIRST CREEPYPASTA OC, SHES STILL A LITTLE IN THE WORKS BUT SHES KINDA CUTEE (TW FOR MENTIONS OF ABUSE, EATING DISORDERS)

Full name: Kami Smith. Age: 21. Species: human. Pronouns: she/her. Gender: female. Height, 5'3. Personality: very quiet to most people, to certain people she's bubbly and sweet but can easily get emotional. Fav color: black and dark blue. Birthday: February 14th. Hair color: dark blue and black. Eye color: dark brown/black. Style: mcbling/2000s bimbo. Powers/weapon: though kami isn't strong, she's very fast, using daggers to kill her target. Fav food: Alfredo pasta. Nationality: Canadian. Fav song: Take a slice by glass animals and lovers rock by TV girl. Strengths:art (she us heavily into singing), speed (kami use to be a runner, doing track and often winning since she was little) and a makeshift therapist (she before becoming would take care of others and help with their problems) Weakness: strength, Kami grew up into more of the arts and wasn't really athletic, any sports she may have played was for fun or gym class.

CONNWCTIONS: Liu Woods: At first her and liu are pretty cold to each other, but after a while, Kamo tries to gain his trust after finding interest in his scars. After a while, they end up very close

Sally: Kami acts motherly to sally (im my AU sallys mother wasnt very pressant) and  close too her

Lizari: also acts motherly to lizari though lizari refused the love more then sally who needed and craved it

Jeff: she isn't sure on how too feel on him, after lius story she found him to be pretty disgusting

Tim: likes to vent and talk to tim, finds comfort in his unoften kindness, both get alog decently well

Brian: they both draw together and are friends though aren't crazy close

E.j: they don't talk often but don't dislike each other

Ben: finds him a little annoying but doesn't dislike him, they don't talk often

Nina: very pushy on kami but meant well, ended up friends over fashion sense

Clockwork: Kami is scared of her rough personality but thinks she's very admirable

Toby: helps him with cooking, and has too check in with him every so often

Slenderman: Kami and him barley speak but she found comfort in him. Though he won't speak to anyone

Basic knowledge on kami:

How long as a proxy, was brought there and became one at 18 she's currently 21

Disorders, anorexia nervosa (between 13 too 17)

Depression (it isn't severe but can fluctuat)

Generalized anxiety disorder (she constantly is nervous and it causes her chest pain)

Ptsd (from past abuse)

Social abilities: Kami isn't very social and often would keep to herself. If someone came up to her she'd be polite but awkward.

Why she stayed with lucas: Kami's family and Lucas's were very close during high school and college, also both families wealthy and strict. Both families wanted an arranged marriage and forced it upon the two. Throughout Kamis' younger years, she didn't like it but didn't know better, it was basically brainwashing her into thinking it was the norm

Her job as a proxy is to gather and stalk people for slenderman and gather info to help him.

Lucas personality:he was a rebellious teen, the smoking, partying kind of kid, bad grades rude, and had horrible anger issues

Backstory(wip), Kami was 13, a sweet girl who never loved her appearance. "I'm too big", "I hate my face", is what she'd often think, she was hopeless and desperate to look pretty, and that had caused an eating disorder from 13 to 17. Kamis parents weren't the best, always trying to make her the best of the best, good grades though she'd average Bs, And it was her parents faults on why she was so insecure. It was 6pm, Kami was at the dinner table and looking around. She was dolled up by her mother, a boy would be coming over, his name was Lucas, a year older then her. "Your gonna act like a proper women" her mother said sternly as she went to go to the front door. Lucas and his family came in moments later, all sitting at the table. Her mother greeting them and they started to eat. Soon after finishing the dinner her and Lucas were sat on the couch. "Kami, Lucas

... we'd like you too to start dating, " Lucas's mother said softly, a kind woman kami thought. After figuring out that she was now forced into a relationship, a boy she barely knew was dreadful, but she expected better than what she got. Through out being 13-15 Lucas would insult her, make her act like a slave for him when he came over, but when they got a little older 16-18 he had abused her, often verble but when he got drunk it'd be physical with her. One day, she was in his room, pouring him a drink while he ate at his desk while playing games. She watched him and would try to get his attention at points, but he'd shut her down with a harsh or nasty yell. Something in her snapped once she tried to talk to him one more time, but her smashed a cup on her head. She took the glass and everything went blank for her as she killed him, in sweat and tears. She had come back to reality minutes later and screamed, looking at the blood on her hands. She took her phone and weapon(glass shard) and rushed off to the woods around 8 pm in the winter. After an hour of exploring the adrenaline and fear wore off, as she fell down, the blood loss made her pass out. She thought that it, but she looked up at her head and hit the ground. She saw a lean tall figure, then passing out, hours later she had woke up, finding herself in a bed, her head bandaged as she looked around it was an empty room. A man had come to the room he was all stitched up and looked around 22. He stayed distant but walked into the room. "How's your head?" he asked. "I have a headache, but that's all," she stated, looking up at him, "i figured.." he ended up giving her painkillers. The man had multiple crosses around his neck and a black and white scarf. "Thanks.." she took the pills and sat up a little more."Who are you?" He seemed to ponder for a moment till speaking."liu, yours?"Kami.." OK, SO THATS WHAT WE HAVE RIGHT NOW, ID LOVE IDEAS OR QUESTIONS ON EVERYTHING AND MY AU FOR THEM!! (IM NO WRITER SO ANY FEEDBACK ID LOVE💕💕)

[shxtodxroki]

Match-Up Exchange

This is part of a Jujutsu Kaisen match-up exchange done for @deeveedeedee for the exchange we arranged! Hi hi, apologies this took me an extra day to get out but I hope you enjoy it as much as I did with the one you wrote me :> I proofread it but I did so late at night so apologies if I missed any typos or grammar mistakes! You seem like a very kind person and I really enjoyed interacting with you, please feel free to hop over to this blog anytime if you have a request or are just looking to chat :)

I’d Match You With:

Kento Nanami! :)

Reasoning:

Honestly I was really torn between two different options for you when reading your description of yourself, and the one I didn’t go with will be mentioned later but when reading your description of how you prefer to receive and give love with a partner that was what made me settle on Nanami over my other choice :] I already think he’d really admire you as a person, and I also think he’d be very compatible with you in a relationship so he felt like the best fit overall :>

Headcanons About Your Relationship:

- First of all, though Nanami knows that compliments can make you feel awkward so he tries not to push you out of your comfort zone, he finds you absolutely stunning and in his eyes, everything about you is notable and beautiful. As your partner, he looks at you so much that he eventually notices even the smallest things about your features - like the soft scar on your nose. which he loves to kiss :>

- Of course he’d never, ever push you, but he hopes that one day you’ll feel confident enough to believe him when he compliments and tells you how much he adores you, so he can explain to you how he sees you as a rare light in the bleak sky he usually lives within. Nanami became so jaded towards the world for quite a while after his experiences both in a regular corporate job and as a jujutsu sorcerer, but getting to come home to you on those awful days where everything seemed so screwed up and horrible in the world has always been like a soothing balm seeping into his skin. He sees you and he’s reminded that there are still positive, shining gems within this world, and you and the students are the only ones who make him feel this way so he hopes to one day share these feelings with you, but is careful to never cross your boundaries or make you uncomfortable by sharing too much or overwhelming you

- He’s also truly a wonderful partner, he understands what's important in a relationship in order for it to fully thrive and grow and he does his best to be the best lover he can be at all times. He’ll never pull any immature moves like the silent treatment on you, even if the two of you have a disagreement he always wants to communicate openly and have a civil discussion and will never so much as raise his voice at you. He’s so patient with you too, as you get more comfortable with him you notice how he opens up more as well rather than getting upset as you show him your truest, most vulnerable self. It’s obvious how much he loves knowing that you’ve grown comfortable enough with him to show him all sides of you with the way he sports such a soft, warm smile whenever moments like that occur

- And he’s not the type to hold it against you if you’re ever having a hard time and run out of patience at some point, he knows you’re only human and everyone has moments where they’ve reached their limit. He always gives you space to de-stress however you need to while making it clear that he’s not closing any doors on you, and whenever you feel more at ease and ready to discuss what he did that set you off, he’s happy to do so and work to find a solution because he knows you’d never intentionally hurt him and that you value this relationship as much as he does

- He knows how you feel about gifts, so although he would happily spoil you if you asked, he typically opts for treating you to a nice meal (either home-cooked or at a restaurant, your choice) or something you’ve specifically told him you want for anniversaries or holidays together if you choose to celebrate. He really enjoys spending quality time with you, too, when he gets home from work and just needs to unwind from the stress of his job even just laying in bed beside you manages to refresh him in a way nothing else can. And he sees the way you take care of him and sometimes do his chores or tasks for him when he’s stressed, and never fails to vocalize his appreciation for what you’ve done and encourages you to take a break and not worry so much about him if he worries you’re stretching yourself too thin

- When it comes to making you laugh, though it may not seem like Nanami’s strong suit and he’s not usually one for cracking jokes, you’re one of the few people he will open up to enough to joke around with when he’s in a brighter mood :> Mostly because he loves hearing your laugh, so when he thinks of a particularly good joke or a comment he knows you’ll enjoy he always saves it for just the right moment and is a genius at comedic timing (though you’re pretty much the only one who knows that since you’re the only person he cares enough to impress with his humor)

- I don’t think Nanami was much of a music person before you met him, but after the two of you get together he slowly finds himself listening to music on his morning commute as he curates a playlist filled with songs that remind him of you <3 Whether it’s songs he’s caught you listening to/singing while you’re together or ones that you’ve shown him yourself, or even potentially songs you’ve done figure skating routines to if you’re willing to share that with him. You’ve opened his eyes to the world of music, and though he doesn’t often seek out new artists on his own, when he does find something for himself that he likes he always comes home and shares his discoveries with you as he wants to be able to connect with you over something he knows is incredibly important to you

- And he’s an absolute sucker for planning cute dates he knows you’ll love in order to surprise you, so one night he takes you out to a roller-skating rink on a couples skate night because he knows how much you enjoy it :> And I actually don’t think he can skate very well, so he’s pretty slow with it and clings to the walls a bit as he occasionally feels embarrassed to watch small children pass him, but the embarrassment quickly fades as he sees you having fun and in your element, and he can’t help but smile at the sight of him whenever you skate up to ask him how he’s doing or offer to skate with him for a while

- And nature dates too! He’d make a whole thing of it, like going on a little hike together around mid-day up to some sort of river or lake and letting you swim in it while he dips his feet in at the edge and prepares a few towels and a blanket for you to warm yourself up once you get out of the freezing water <3 And then he has a yummy picnic for the two of you to enjoy as the sun begins to set, which you watch together before enjoying a night of stargazing to top it off :> He knows quite a few constellations so he’s happy to point them out for you if you’d like, but if you’d rather just sit there and stare at the stars or just talk to one another, he’s more than content with that too

- But even with the way he plans frequent dates and spends quality time with you often, he also knows that you enjoy having time to yourself and is more than happy to give you that time. He strives to find a balance between spending time with you and showcasing his love while also giving you space to be your own person and enjoy time to yourself, and if you ever decline an invite from him and tell him that you’d just prefer some time alone to decompress, he wouldn’t be upset in the slightest and would absolutely encourage you to take all the time you need and lets you know that he’s happy to reschedule for whenever you feel up to doing something together

- I think he’d really adore the fact that you do both gymnastics and figure skating, especially figure skating. He finds both of them so beautiful and fluid and impressive, and while he respects that these are your hobbies, if you ever invite him to watch you practice he’d be absolutely elated because he just loves watching you move so gracefully. It entrances him, he doesn't even realize how hooked in he gets until you finish a routine and he sees that minutes have passed with him just watching you

- He’d also be incredibly encouraging when it comes to your studies. He knows how difficult school can be especially when it comes to higher education, so he’s more than happy to help you study for exams or read through essays or anything else you may ask of him, and he always makes sure you have a nice meal and your favorite drink or sweet treat while studying to prevent you from pushing yourself too hard <3 And he knows how much you love learning so he enjoys being an outlet for you to share that knowledge without feeling like you’re being evaluated or graded. Ramble off to him about something you’ve learned while studying geography while you’re eating and he’s completely hooked, he wants you to be able to be excited about these passions of yours without feeling the academic pressures that often come along with them

- He sees the way you often try to hide your less bright and positive emotions from others or the way you often worry about being a people-pleaser, so he tries his absolute best to show you that you don’t have to do any of that for him. If he ever catches you stretching yourself too thin for the sake of another person, whether that’s him or someone else, he gently ensures that you take a break and take some time to yourself. He’ll turn on a classic horror movie and make your favorite dinner because he loves to cook for you, and just lets you have a night all about focusing on you and rejuvenating your own energy without worrying about anyone else <3

Second Choice:

Honestly I was really considering pairing you with Gojo as well. The two of you are different in a lot of ways, but I still think that for the most part it would allow you to maintain a healthy balance in your relationship and the two of you could work really well together. You share some qualities like a sweet tooth and I think he’d also really like who you are as a person, I just settled for Nanami instead when it came down to showing affection and love as I figured you and Gojo may be a bit mismatched on that scale and while I still think it could absolutely work, Nanami felt like he was a better fit for you in the end

Song For Your Relationship:

Lucky People by Waterparks <3

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Unlikely Places - Chapter 34 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Chapter: 34 - All The Time In The World

Nervous excitement had me chewing at my bottom lip as I pulled my car onto Pierce's long, tree-lined driveway.

This would be our second date this week.

Technically our third if I counted the lunch we had after that horrible meeting.

Pierce had asked me to stay and eat with him and after the kiss we had shared, denying him anything had been impossible.

On the nights we hadn't met up we had still talked on the phone.

I wasn't a big conversationalist any given time, even less so on the phone.

My usual experience had been more or less, get to the point communications.

With Pierce it was different though.

We seemed to stumble across so many things to say and discuss and share.

Talking on the phone with him wasn't a chore for me as it usually was and it came naturally, too.

I didn't feel awkward or tongue tied.

I had learned a lot about him while we talked.

He had more of a sense of humor than I would have guessed though admittedly it had a dry sarcastic slant to it but it wasn't mean or cruel.

A lot of it was actually self-directed.

He had an even greater ability to laugh at himself than I could have imagined and he was very curious.

Mostly about me.

He had question upon question that seemed endless in his desire to know more about me.

It was a little embarrassing but at the same time surprisingly flattering.

I'd always considered myself boring but to Pierce it seemed like nothing about me was too dull for him to want to know and if the lunch and the dinner and the phone calls didn't give us enough time to talk, to share, to learn, the texts in between all of those flew incessantly throughout the day right up until I went to sleep.

The texts were never serious.

They were cute, fun and I would say most especially flirty.

Not really by me.

I didn't have a clue how to flirt but by Pierce.

The man had powers of flirtation that affected me both emotionally and physically.

Yeah, physically.

Pierce, this, what we were doing.

All of it was an entirely new and I had to admit, completely exhilarating chapter in my life.

I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw my smiling reflection.

The newness of seeing this side of myself hadn't worn off.

I sometimes did a double take when I caught a glimpse of the sparkling excitement shining out of my eyes or my lips always on the verge of a smile these days or my ever-present flushed cheeks in a complexion that I could only ever describe before as pale.

I was kind of unrecognizable to myself.

I could only imagine what my parents would think if they could see me like this.

'This' appeared to be my new personal state, too.

I couldn't say I liked it or disliked it.

It just was.

I could however, say I liked the cause of this change very much.

'Pierce.'

Yeah, I had pretty much stopped denying to myself how I felt about him and how he made me feel.

I was even starting to no longer doubt his feelings for me.

He was so verbal about how he felt.

Sincere and warm with all of his actions towards me.

Pierce liked me.

It was as simple and weird as that.

The more that assured certainty of his feelings for me grew the more comfortable I became with him and with my own emotions.

The more comfortable I became the more natural it all was beginning to feel.

I parked the car and sat for a second looking blankly towards his home marveling that I was even here.

We had met in an unlikely place, under unlikeable circumstances and yet here I now sat, my face sporting a huge grin, my stomach jittery in nervous anticipation, the good kind, too something I didn't even know there was, and my heart hammering in excitement.

These feelings were so similar to what I have always felt in the past with my anxiety yet the context with why I was feeling them now was so different and made the similar sensations which once plagued me, now feel so wonderful.

How was that possible?

The excitement seemed even stronger tonight.

We were staying in.

Pierce said he would make me dinner and we could watch a movie or whatever I wanted.

He'd made suggestions like playing pool or tennis or even go for a swim.

He'd finished by simply saying 'anything'.

'Anything.'

A simple word, yet it had me all a flutter.

The impact of his husky voice, his blue-ice eyes and the connotations of what that one simple word could mean was tying me in knots but despite my uncertainties I was not running away.

The exact opposite in fact.

I was about to walk right through the front door of Pierce's home and an abyss of possibilities.

Shaking my head, I heaved a sigh and climbed slowly out of my car.

I was frustrated with myself.

I was acting like a teenager.

I was a grown ass man that could do or not do what he wanted.

My nerves and anxiety were braided together with excitement and real honest attraction and it was confusing the hell out of me.

My biggest fear wasn't what could happen tonight or if Pierce was even expecting anything to happen, it was how I would act or possibly even 'react'.

[montyterrible]

“Is Snowboard Academy (1997) Good, Actually, Secretly, Somehow?”

At this point in Internet Content Creation, it feels like “critical re-evaluation” is essentially the default position of any given critical look at a marginally older piece of media. “Was X actually good?” is the internet’s favorite question, and I’ve certainly indulged in it myself. Sometimes, though, what was bad is still bad, and 1997’s Snowboard Academy was and remains Very Bad. The kindest thing that can be said about it is that at least the action here looks real. Held up against the weightless computer-generated fantasy of modern blockbusters, it has a certain tactile quality that can only come from putting real people on snowboards and filming them.

It’s the naked indulgence in the “cool” snowboarding (the “awesome airborne footage” promised on the back of the box) for stretches at a time, played utterly straight and tonally consistent (read: quickly monotonous), that both ages the film so immediately but also ultimately sustains it: as a snapshot in a time capsule from a simpler time, when things were still kind of genuinely rad(ical) and when effects were practical. The rest of the movie also just happens to be misogynistic, racist, stilted, irrevocably dated, and dislikable on a fundamental, conceptual level.

There’s a foundational tonal mismatch at work here. Part of Snowboard Academy is about the titular snowboard academy: Cool, snowboarding Corey Haim (as Chris Barry) wants to make his ski-slope-owning father and snooty brother accept the beauty of the board. He and his ruffian friends are given a probational opportunity to make snowboarding part of the resort, with a contest between the skiers and boarders at the end of the period to decide if the sport stays or goes. It is laughably (not really!) light on actual dramatic tension, partly as a result of the plot just not being all that dramatic and partly because it’s undercut in certain ways, a big one being the prominently-featured Ernest-style comedy of Jim Varney, who’s supposed to be part of a “slapstick subplot” but who actually takes up large chunks of the movie—back-to-back scenes in at least one case. Varney is doing his classic Ernest shtick, but it just doesn’t work with the deeply unpleasant attitude of the supposed main plot, in contrast with which Varney’s antics come off as decidedly childish. He feels like even more of an unnecessary inclusion given that there are also multiple other people doing bad comedy with ostensibly funny voices or accents in this movie, including Andreas Apergis as a similar sort of overly confident and accident-prone bungler character, yet no one thought maybe this was all too much for a 90-minute film.

Just to be clear, there were moments when I chuckled at either the Ernest or the snowboard stuff, but this is such a perfect example of how a fine-enough performance can suffer within the wrong context. There are Ernest-style gags here that would work extremely well in an actual Ernest movie, but the framing is just all wrong and saps the potential fun out of them. Snowboard Academy is essentially the worst element of 91’s Ernest Scared Stupid—the dated Cool Kids stuff—blown up to unsalvageable proportions and further poisoned from within by the more Adult elements.

There are performances in this movie that are just charisma vacuums: hideously ugly and awkward attempts at comedy, like when the resort owner (played by Joe Flaherty) accosts his cheating as-good-as-ex wife who refuses to officially divorce him until he’s made enough money for her to take a sizeable half of it (played by Brigitte Nielsen) in a hot tub with another man. The exchange here, similar to an earlier one with Varney’s Rudy James in the resort office, is a horrible blend of exposition and (attempted) comedy. This whole plot about the wife seducing the bumbling “Red Eagle” security guy (Apergis) to try to make the resort’s insurance drop them so that she can force her husband to sell is just simultaneously ridiculous and unpleasant to the point that I didn’t want to see more of it while also absolutely needing to feel more present and real for it to carry the brunt of the dramatic climax when it seizes the reins from the skiers-vs-snowboarders thread and becomes the primary focus.

The most consistently “funny” element here is how this is definitely one of those older “PG” movies from a time when what could score a “PG” rating was different than it is today: Snowboard Academy is decidedly “PG-13” vulgar, and the Ernest personality just feels incredibly out of place in the midst of it all. It’s funny that someone thought this would actually cohere.

The Snowboard Academy box is a harbinger of bad quality in its own right: Featuring the tagline “An avalanche of fun!” which is the kind of hype phrasing you’d basically guess was a lie from the get-go with how insistent it is. Opening the box, there’s a slip of paper with the DVD chapters listed out over an image of an upright snowboard on one side (cute! nostalgic, for me!), while the other side—the one that was facing up when I opened the box—is a snow-themed ad for additional comedies, which includes Ghostbusters but also has the movies “Real Genius”and “Baby Geniuses”side by side. This has nothing to do with Snowboard Academy itself, I suppose, but there’s just something so… fake-feeling about those two titles and their proximity to one another in the ad included with this other film. It’s like a 30 Rock bit, except instead of just getting quick snippets of some awful fake movie served up with actually funny editing and writing surrounding it, you have to watch the whole, terrible thing instead and just keep waiting for a moment of cohesion that isn’t ever going to arrive.

Wikipedia claims one review described this film as “Ernest Goes Skiing,” and while I understand the intended sentiment, my personal view is that this movie WISHES it was Ernest Goes Skiing. It could only ever dream of reaching the comedic heights of a nonexistent Ernest Goes Skiing movie.

I can remember my father buying Snowboard Academy years ago because Jim Varney was in it and then watching it only once. And that’s the most damning final thing I can possibly say about it, in the end.

[clit-eastwood-spicy]

Hey hello how about 01, 12, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34 and 55 for the HORRIBLE ask game

I Dig ur vibe btw

Hello anon, thanks for the ask! I'm glad you dig my vibe ^^/

Honestly I haven't talked to my dad in years. Long story short he's not going to be in my life anytime soon. My mom is a weird one. There's some closeness but there's also some distance with her behavior.

12. Yes and I was miserable. Like my brain can't function when I don't sleep and I was a mess and started getting the shakes and feeling weird asf. I just enjoy sleep too much to keep that sort of vibe up nowadays lmao.

3. A lot of things honestly... There are so many things I wish I could go back in time and do differently. But I guess that comes with the whole getting older vibe lol. I think one would be not getting with the last ex I was with. He kinda fucked me up emotionally and I still haven't recovered from it.

5. Single and I've been that way for like about 7 years now. In relation to previous answer because that ex really messed with me.

8. I was never really into sports but if you count swimming as a sport I really love swimming. Wasn't on like a team or anything so maybe it doesn't count lmao.

13. My sister. Long story but I've hated her for 10 years or more. She's not a good person and she's consistently made life hard for her oldest son who absolutely did not deserve it while being extra giving to her youngest. There's other things too but thats the biggest issue.

21. Honestly I don't have much atm going on but probably working on art or writing. Maybe playing the Pokemon DLC or hopping on VR Chat with some friends. I'm not like super outgoing (esp right now) and likely won't leave my apartment unless I have to lol.

34. Literally dreamt last night that I was in the car with my old supervisor and he was trying to talk to me about something but was not explaining it fast enough and my brain knew I was going to wake up so I told him "you better make it quick, I'm about to wake up" and he got mad that I was waking up midway through him talking and then I legit woke up and I'm kinda wondering what he wanted to tell me but it was hard to stay asleep with knowing it was a dream by the weird atmosphere around us on the road.

55. I think like most people I'm capable of being mean but like it's not my default by any means. I'm usually very open and kind unless someone is sending the wrong vibes my way / being rude. 9/10 times I'm just weird, silly and friendly. Or anxious / socially awkward. Thats also me lmao.

[invisiblegarters]

Dangerous Romance Ep 12 - Finale

I am never going to get over how casually Thai dramas treat gun violence. Someone always seems to be brandishing a gun or getting shot. Maybe it's just the dramas I watch.

I do kind of love how the scholarship kiddos are just...friends with the richie rich's now. Even last ep they were all sitting together at lunch even though there was no real reason to - it wasn't like Kang or Sailom were around to make them.

Also hilarious how I keep thinking Papang is gonna be evil in these dramas and he's...not. I did it in OF too, but Daddy Dan was just sweet and awkward and looking for a romantic partner in the wrong fucking place (don't fuck your emotionally unavailable employees guys it rarely works out). And Saifah might have talked his clients into giving him prezzies but he's really not that bad at all.

Why is JJ giving all the exposition? Also, why did I never bother learning his character's name?

You know, this show keeps trying to make me care about things I really don't care about, what with the sad strings and the slow motion stuff. But I still don't care, show.

Aw, the Sailom and Saifah reunion was really cute, though.

Okay, the banner at school thing was genuinely funny. Seriously, Kang?

Saifah you simp.

Huh. Okay, then.

Aw dad showed up to cheer Kang on. Of course he did (this is not a complaint).

Loing forever at these rich boys just being like "I will attach myself to this boy and follow them to the ends of the earth." Ray 🤝 Kang, for real. But I don't think that Sand and Sailom are much alike, because I think Sailom is actually serious about not letting Kang pay for things, while I'm pretty sure Sand is just fine being Ray's sugar baby now that they're dating (and so long as Ray uses his money and not his dad's), haha.

Oh. JJ is Max. And is apparently now BFFs with Auto, because okay why not. They probably bonded over the weirdness of both of the other dudes in their friend group wanting to bone each other.

Lol and both the girls will be in London. Where they can totally hook up on more equal footing (no I don't want to hear any discourse about it thank you I just want to imagine them being very cute together in London).

"You were horrible at the sport you were trying to play but really good at grabbing balls" - witness Guy's flirting skills guys. But Nawa's into it so okay, rock on boys.

SMOOOOCH!

Pffft @ Grandma adopting Sailom. Like we didn't all know this was coming.

"I know I stand before you today because I am the son of a school sponsor" - I think it, he says it.

Why on earth is he making this speech all about himself? This is why we let people who deserve it speak. What even is this? No, no I don't like it get it away no.

Although, ha, Saifah being the only one who had no clue that Kang and Sailom were together was funny and on brand tbh.

Lol are they gonna do an Eclipse thing and send them to different universities (although I think we all know that Aye is just gonna wind up following Akk wherever he goes - thus completing the rich boy "I will follow him to the ends of the earth" trifecta)? *hums "I Will Follow Him" and yes it is the version from Sister Act what of it?*

I do not think that they are actually going to make it so they don't go to the same uni, tbh. And if they do Kang will just find a way to get in there anyway.

Lol and I'm right. And now they're frolicking amongst windmills. It is pretty cute even if I'm still not really feeling them as a couple.

Eh no I am sorry I get what you're doing with the bookends, show, but you didn't do the work to earn this monologue. You made several attempts but they never landed because you didn't commit and you brushed off all the really good stuff that you had to say about class for hijinks and sports and inexplicably forgiving horrendous bullying to have lukewarm kisses with the bully. So I am not giving this to you, sorry.

Welp there we go. The end.

...wait, are they really doing escort roleplay?

What is WITH these boys getting into tubs with clothes on? First Ray and Sand with the boxers and now Sailom climbing in in trousers and dress shirt. Like what. What even. I was actually kind of feeling them for once and then they had to kill it with that. Gosh it must be so uncomfortable.

Look at this happy horseshit I can't even. This is too funny.

I dunno, man. Once I stopped wanting this show to be something it wasn't it was easier to get through, but Sailom and Kang never really landed for me and I never did quite manage to get over how fast they got over the bullying. I feel like they took it too far to then just have everyone be chill because umbrellas and windmills and love, but that might just be me.

I feel like this show opened up a lot of cans but then just kind of left them open without doing anything, just letting the worms tumble out and scoot around until they died (possibly of boredom). It wasn't bad, it just didn't really land for me at all. Final verdict 7/10. It was fine but it's going on the "won't watch again and will probably forget about it in an hour" pile. Sorry. On the bright side it wasn't offensive enough that I'm gonna be mad about it forever. It's just...there. I still like Perth and Chimon and I will still tune in for their next projects, but yeah. Hopefully they give them something better than this next time.

I still can't quite believe Marc and Pawin stole the show for me (them and Euro Thanaset as Auto. I loved that dude), but here we are.

[of-elitiism]

a late night would have the coyote finally returning to his den, expectedly bloodied and a bit mangled from the eventful evening he had, all in all though he still seemed fine, in fact he almost seemed unaware of his state. although that is until he takes off his coat and accompanying firearm holster and ammo-pouches from his hip, a bloodied wreck of a man. small grunts of pain as he'd press and feel the damage done to him, being quite thankful for the clean, straight-through bullet wounds. once he'd realize that he was accidentally and unintentionally stripping in front of Terry, his ears and cheeks would burn a similar shade of red compared to his own crimson hue, waving to her quite shyly before stepping into his bedroom for access to the shower. some time passes, the albino steps out from the shower, fresh and clean, fitted with trousers and a muscle shirt he was just throwing onto himself as he exited the shower. no longer any specks of blood to be seen on him, scars from the small-arms fire he had taken patched up with small square gauze pads. she would be able to get just the smallest peak of his athletic abdominals before his shirt was pulled down over. still a rather snug but comfy looking long-sleeved shirt that he'd roll the sleeves just a few inches above the wrists, his horribly scarred hands now on display for her as well. honestly, it was a much more casual outfit compared to what she'd see him wear while he was out on the streets.

" I- uh- so um, what brings y' here tonight? didn't think y' were going to be over, sorry about that earlier." - for terry!

Terry stared at him wide eyes when he finally returned from the comfort of his own personal quarters, her expression a mix of shock and worry along with a healthy dose of shyness thrown in for good measure. "...Uhm, y-you gave me a key. S-So we can watch a movie tonight?" her voice is slightly shaky, confused as to what she just saw and how was she supposed to process it.

He'd mentioned in passing something about working some field job at some point and even though she's quite curious and nosy by nature she didn't press for more information. But she didn't quite expect it to be the kind of job from which he returned bloodied and gun armed! When she heard the door open she quickly jumped on her feet to greet him up, but the young woman was rendered absolutely speechless when she saw him uncover himself. True, there was also a decent dose of embarrassment of seeing Khaz casually stripping down to the bare flesh for the first time, but it was also the first time she saw him punctured and bleeding. And what the hell was that thing on his back?! Thankfully he disappeared into the bathroom and Terry had a little bit of time to put her thoughts in order until he came back into view.

Indigo eyes quickly scan him up and down, thankful that there are no more patches of blood on him. She also noticed the significantly ore fitted clothing that covers him, but she genuinely thought to shake off the trash in her mind and actually focus on what she thought to be more urgent; his wellbeing.

Rushing in front of him, she immediately placed her arms gently unto him, lightly tapping his arms, shoulders and then chest, a little uncertain but also with a lot of concern. "A-Are you alright? Is-Is all good? You were lookin' really messed up and-and--- i just wanna know if you're okay?" one last finally rests on top of his while the other still lightly grabbed his other arm. The fabric of his clothes now feel soft and plush, unlike the hard leather that she's used to see him dressed in. As she stared up waiting for answers, it also dawns to her that she too has made herself super comfortable in some indoors clothes, wearing yet again only her baggy cargo pants and a sports bustier. Not her fault his place was so freakin' warm she had to give up a few layers of clothing, right? Hopefully it doesn't make it anymore awkward than it needs to be and they can concentrate on the conversation rather than how much or how little clothing they wore.

[meowdarame]

redhead caught red-handed!!

pairings: stepbro!virgin!tendou x dom!fem!reader (afab!reader, she/her pronouns)

synopsis: your new step-brother tendou hides a dirty secret within the four walls of his bedroom.

warnings: DARK CONTENT. 18+ MINORS DNI! stepcest; pervy!tendou; reader is a bit mean at first but becomes nicer later; some vouyerism; mutual masturbation; oral (f!receiving); unprotected sex; creampie; virginity loss; overstimulation; lots of cum LOL

word count: 4.4k words

notes: my submission for tee’s when nobody’s home collab! this isn’t beta-read, so please be kind! reblogs and interactions are super appreciated! hope you enjoy <3

your step-brother— despite being a complete sweetheart— is just a tad bit odd.

a few days after your first year of college, your dad revealed to you that he was going to ask tendou’s mother to move in with him. the sudden announcement was a shock to you at first, but upon seeing the twinkle in his eyes while he spoke about his plans to propose to her soon, you gave in to your father’s wishes and welcomed her and her son into your home with open arms.

you had known of tendou all throughout high school, considering that he was one of the shining stars of your school’s powerhouse volleyball team. but despite his popularity on the court, he wasn’t met with the same treatment off of it— often finding him glued to his teammates during passing periods or reading manga alone on the roof during lunch. one time during the summer after graduation, you ran into him at the movie theaters after a screening of the horror film the ring, and you tried to spark up a conversation with your future step-brother. unfortunately for you, it couldn’t have been any shorter or awkwarder.

…

“satori, hey!” you called out, running up to him and waving your hand in the air. “did you just watch the ring? is it as good as people say it is? my date and i are supposed to see the next screening of it!”

satori stared at you with his eyebrows raised and eyes wide, looking like a deer in headlights. “uh— yes! to both questions!” was all he said before scurrying away and catching up with his teammates.

“hm, that was weird,” you mumbled, but after shrugging to yourself, you sat down and waited for your date to arrive.

…

that memory is etched into your brain, and to this day, it still makes you shudder and cringe whenever you remember the awkward encounter. for one, it was your first formal introduction to your future step-brother— which went horribly— and two, your date ended up being a no-show, which forced you to sit through two hours of couples cuddling all around you. you try your best to bury the memory for as long as you can, but it’s to no avail— especially once tendou and his mother begin moving their boxes and furniture into your childhood home.

you’re in the middle of placing your step-mother’s clothes into a dresser, when in your dazed state, you accidentally slam the drawer on your pinky finger. immediately, you yelp and withdraw your hand, hissing and clutching the digit as you wince in pain. tendou takes notice of your discomfort and drops the box that he’s carrying to rush to your side.

“may i?” he softly asks, extending his palm out to you. cautiously, you let him examine your hand, before he steps away briefly to grab a roll of athletic tape from a nearby box.

you flinch as he begins to wrap your swollen finger in the white tape, and he chuckles lightly. “don’t worry,” he reassures you. “i know what i’m doing. i used to break a lot of fingers back when i played volleyball.”

“i know,” you joke back. “you always had them wrapped in sports tape. it kinda became your signature look.”

his eyes meet yours and he softly whispers, “you noticed that?”

“of course i did! your magical hands won our team many victories,” you chirp, and a giggle slips past his lips.

“i guess so.” he delicately lets go of your hand once he finishes tending to it. “does it feel better?”

“as of right now, no,” you admit, and his smile settles deeper in his cheeks. “but i’m sure it will soon! thank you, satori.”

“anytime.”

…

the next few weeks are spent unloading boxes and tidying up your home. tendou and his mother quickly acclimate to their new environment— tendou and your dad easily bounce jokes off of each other, tendou’s mother’s cooking is heavenly, and and your dad and soon-to-be step-mother have never been more lovey-dovey and affectionate. despite the joys of your new family getting along, there’s just one thing that troubles you.

satori hasn’t really spoken to you since the time he wrapped your finger.

you had hoped that the incident would have alleviated some of the tension or nervousness that he feels, but it didn’t. despite your constant efforts to strike up conversations with him, it seems like being in close proximity to you makes him even more uneasy, though you can’t exactly pinpoint why. you see the way that he interacts with his friends and his family, and you don’t understand why he’s not his usual loud, outgoing, and carefree self with you— it’s almost like he’s afraid of you, or worse, as if he doesn’t like you. this feeling bothers you, especially because you want him to be comfortable with you and see you as someone he can depend on, someone he can trust and regard to as family.

instead, he spends most of his days locked in his room (which you haven’t even been inside of yet)— doing god knows what.

one evening, when your dad and his newly-engaged fiancé are out on their weekly date night, you find yourself standing outside of tendou’s door. a pit sinks to your stomach, your palms sweaty and fingers jittery as you wrap your hand around his doorknob. you figure that tonight would be the best time to try to have a heart-to-heart with tendou, considering that if things go wrong, you could silently retreat back to your room without your dad making a fuss over it.

inhaling a deep breath, you twist the doorknob and step into tendou’s room. “satori,” you exhale, but your words are cut short at the overwhelming sight before you.

his walls are completely covered in anime posters, mostly images of scantily-clad, sexy anime characters. an image of fubuki from one punch man hangs above his headboard, surrounded by smaller posters of misa amane, lady midnight, michiko malandro, and other characters from lesser known anime that you don’t recognize. on his desk sits several figures of mirko from my hero academia, and in the center of his bed lies a giant body pillow of faye valentine from cowboy bebop. an empty box of tissues is tipped over on his nightstand, and the crumpled-up thin white papers lie scattered all over his bed and floor.

satori is completely naked as sits on his haunches, a folded up pillow placed in front of his tense thighs. his hips hump into the plush material with significant force, his slick cock sliding in and out from between the white cotton pillowcase. his phone is propped up on another pillow and rests against his headboard, and on its screen you see the lewd image of some woman— who happens to look a lot like general esdeath from akame ga kill— getting her brains fucked out by an impossibly large dick that looks like it shouldn’t fit. soft whines tumble out of his parted lips as he chases his high; he’s too engrossed in his own pleasure to even notice your presence. it isn’t until you let out an incredulous gasp that he finally sees you in his peripheral vision.

“oh my god. you’re a closet pervert, satori!”

he wastes no time and immediately tries to hide the damning evidence. his shaky hands quickly shut off his phone, and he weasels his sweaty body underneath his comforter to hide himself from your shocked gaze. still, dirtied tissues are scattered incriminatingly all over his room, and his eyes flit back and forth between your face and his mess.

“h-hey,” he stutters, trying to keep up a cool façade that does a poor job of hiding his flustered self. “what brings you to my room?”

you ignore his question. “is this what you were doing all those times you’d spend alone on the roof?” you chuckle, berating him. “were you secretly reading explicit manga during our lunch breaks?”

“n-no,” he stammers, but when you cock your eyebrow in doubt, he knows that he’s been caught red-handed. “fine, yes. b-but only sometimes though!”

“you’re unbelievable, satori,” you mutter, moving closer to him and sitting on the edge of his bed. the mattress dips under the added weight, and tensions rise as his bed creaks when you shuffle to find a comfortable position in the sea of explicit magazines and used up tissues.

“please don’t tell anyone, especially my mom,” he pleads with you, his eyes growing misty and his ears flushing pink. “she’ll be so ashamed of me if she finds out the real reason why i collect all of these pillows and figurines.”

you throw your head back and cackle. “what lie did you tell your poor mother to mislead her from your perverted intentions?”

his shoulders slump and he sighs, “i told her that i’m an anime merchandise reseller. she thinks that i have this stockpile so i can eventually sell it for a higher price, but i just hoard it for myself so i can do…” his hands come out from under the blanket and motion to the clutter around him.

“… what you just saw.”

his sheepish admission of guilt makes you snort. “god, you’re pathetic, satori.”

your step-brother lowers his head and his face contorts into a frown. the pitiful sight ignites a fire in your core, and your clit throbs when you remember how eagerly he was fucking his pillow earlier.

oh, how you wish to see that beautiful sight again.

without thinking, you rip satori’s comforter from the clutches of his fingertips, exposing his milky skin to the hot summer air once again. he shrieks at the action, hastily trying to re-cover himself, but you grab his wrists and pin them to the side of his body.

“you’re pathetic, but you’re also ridiculously hot, satori,” you whisper, and a red tint creeps up his neck and cheeks.

“what— what are you—” he tries to ask, but you interrupt him.

“can you please fuck your pillow again for me? pretty please?” you coo, jutting your lip out into a pout. “it was so hot. i wanna watch you do it again.”

“o-okay,” he replies shakily. after you release him from your grasp, he slowly gets up and resumes his former position, this time with you sitting against his headboard in place of his phone. he begins to rock his hips at an agonizingly slow pace, much too slow for his pleasure or your entertainment, and you instruct him to go faster. he obliges, and soon his thrusts match the same speed and intensity from when you first walked in.

“you know, satori,” you start, faux sympathy dripping from your tone. “if any other girl saw what i’d just seen, she’d probably think that you’re a loser or a creep. but not me though,” you gently shake your head; you feel your slick dampening your panties as you continue. “i think that you’re so, so cute.”

“y-you think i’m cute?” he chokes out, and you can tell that your words are having their desired effect on the redhead. his tongue lolls out as he pants heavily, and beads of sweat trickle down his temples and neck.

“of course i do,” you reply nonchalantly. “i think that you’re the cutest.”

his breath hitches at your praise, and you giggle in delight. but your smile is quickly wiped off of your face when you notice that he’s not looking at you, but rather above you. you realize that instead of focusing his attention on you— a pretty, real-life girl sitting right in front of him— he’s staring at the large fubuki poster that’s hanging above his bed, and a pang of jealousy strikes your heart.

“hey!” you snap, easily calling his attention back to your frustrated face. “eyes on me. i don’t want you looking at her.” satori meekly nods his head, but his gaze still wanders up to the poster, his eyes jumping back and forth from your face to fubuki’s tits.

you huff out in annoyance when an idea sparks in your mind. hastily wrapping your fingers around the waistband of your shorts and underwear, you tug off the clothing in one swipe. your loose t-shirt follows soon thereafter, leaving your entire body completely bare for satori’s hungry and lust-filled eyes. your fingers gently run up and down your slit, collecting your wetness before beginning to rub tight circles around your swollen clit. satori drinks in the lewd sight in front of him before promptly shutting his eyes, turning his face away from your body.

“i’m sorry!” he sputters out. “i’m sorry for being a pervert and for looking!”

your free hand cups his cheek and forces him to face you once more. when he carefully re-opens his eyes, you whisper, “i wouldn’t be spreading my legs and putting on this show if i didn’t want you to watch, right?”

you giggle when he furrows his eyebrows, and you continue on, “i wanna be the reason why you cum, satori.”

he whines when you remove the pillow from his thighs, tossing it off the side of the bed. “sit down and part your legs. i wanna be closer to you.” he does as he’s told, and you drape your thighs around his waist, your cunt merely a inches away from his cock.

“keep stroking yourself,” you instruct. “just like that.”

satori’s pretty hands wrap around his length, frantically twisting and tugging his shaft but concentrating his movements around his cockhead. the sight makes your mouth water— beads of precum dribble out of his slit, and his tip is so pink and overstimulated that you’re certain that this wasn’t his first round of the night.

your index and middle fingers swipe at your swollen nub, and you feel your pleasure building up in your core. you clutch onto tendou’s thigh to ground yourself from the intensity of your looming orgasm.

“fuck, i’m close,” you mewl, and satori responds with a breathy “me too.”

satori’s cum shoots onto your stomach and tits; the semi-translucent, runny liquid slides down your body, the heat from his seed warming your skin and pushing you over the edge. melodic sounds fill the room as you both ride out your euphoric highs, and once the twitching of your thighs subsides, you lie back to stop his cum from sliding onto his bedsheets.

“shit! i’m so sorry. let me clean you up,” tendou stammers, immediately untangling his limbs from yours and retrieving a dirty sock from the floor. “i used up all my tissues so this is all i have. i’m really sorry about that.”

you giggle as he wipes his cum off of you. “wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special, satori.”

“sorry, i’ve never done this with a girl before— or with anyone, really.”

“okay first, stop apologizing. and second, are you serious?” you ask, sitting up and tilting your head at him. “you’ve never had sex before?”

satori meekly shakes his head, tossing the sock back onto the floor. his gaze avoids yours, but you press on.

“have you even had your first kiss yet?”

when satori shakes his head yet again, a brilliant— yet morally dubious— idea seeps into your mind.

lifting his chin, you murmur, “well, i can change that.” you scoot closer to him, pressing your sopping cunt up against his dick, and he flinches at the foreign sensation. wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your forehead against his, you add on, “do you wanna fuck me, satori?”

tendou gulps as his eyes bore into yours; his irises swarm with lust and desperation as he whispers, “yes. so fucking badly.”

in an instant, your lips crash into his. at first, he’s hesitant— uncertain, even— but once you mewl and tug at the soft flesh, it gives him the boost of confidence that he needs to push his tongue into your mouth. you can’t help but notice how good of a kisser he is, and you start to wonder how often he’s dreamt of (and practiced for) this very moment.

things heat up just as quickly as they started, and you grab his dick from between your bodies, dragging his tip along your folds to collect your slick. you line him up with your drooling hole, but tendou pulls away before you can sink down onto his cock.

“wait,” he rasps out, his chest heaving as he pants. “can i eat you out first? i’ve always wondered what it tastes like.”

raising your eyebrows, you tease, “you’ve always wondered what pussy tastes like? that’s so cute of you.”

“well, yes. but specifically, what yours tastes like.”

you don’t know how he did it, but tendou’s directness manages to completely fluster you. your brain short-circuits for a few seconds, pondering what he meant by his cryptic words. realizing that you’ll probably find out soon enough, you snap yourself out of your haze and nod your head. you crawl out of his lap and lie back onto his pillows, parting your legs to give him a perfect view of your pussy. tendou’s mouth gapes at the sight, and there’s a twinkle in his eyes that rivals that of the stars.

his tongue swipes over his bottom lip as he inches towards you. he lifts your legs onto his shoulders, but before he’s able to dive in between your thighs, you flick his forehead and draw his attention. “if you do a shitty job, i won’t let you fuck,” you warn. it’s a bluff, but tendou takes the bait, wasting no time and devouring you like a man starved.

his lips encircle your clit, sucking on the bud and flicking it back and forth with his pointed tongue. your back arches at the stimulation, weaving your fingers into his red hair and running your nails along the short fuzz of his buzzcut. his hands grab at your thighs and push them into your chest, allowing him better access to your cunt. everything feels so hot, so dizzying; you don’t know if it’s because of your previous orgasm or because of how good tendou’s making you feel, but you feel a familiar pressure building up in your tummy as he ravishes you.

“satori! so fucking good!” you squeal when his lips release your bundle of nerves and his thick tongue prods at your gaping hole. the pink muscle pushes its way through the first tight ring of your pussy, and he begins rocking his face into your sex, the tip of his nose bumping and brushing against your clit with each eager movement.

a slew of expletives spills out of your mouth as your high plateaus. wrapping your hand around the back of satori’s head, you press his face flush against your cunt, grinding and riding your orgasm out for as long as you can. he moans as your cum spreads across this tongue, and the vibrations only amplify the pleasure that you feel. once the stimulation becomes too much, you release his head, but tendou refuses to let you go.

“too much, satori,” you whine, pressing your heels onto his shoulders and gently pushing him off. upon noticing your discomfort, he quickly backs away. wiping your juices off of his lips and chin, he pants, “how was that?”

“surprisingly amazing,” you reply, taking his wrist and leading him to rest his back against the headboard. “where did you learn to eat pussy like that, hm?”

“i watch and read a lot of… y’know…” he admits. you can feel his heart thumping in his chest as your legs straddle him. leaning in to kiss him once more, you taste yourself on his tongue, and it makes your head swim with desire.

“i’m impressed,” you coo, taking his hardened dick with your dominant hand and dragging it along your puffy folds. “let’s see what else you’ve learned from your pervy little comic books,” you exhale before fully sheathing his cock into you in one solid motion.

you both curse when tendou bottoms out, his tip kissing your cervix and his balls pressing against your ass. taking your sweet time, you start to roll your hips and grind in his lap, not wanting to overwhelm him during his first time.

“i don’t think i’m gonna last long,” tendou chokes out, and you reply with a fleeting kiss to the tip of his nose.

“it’s okay. we have all night anyways— we can go for as many rounds as you want,” you promise him, and a shy smile spreads across his lips and his cheeks tint rosy pink. “are you ready for me to start riding you, baby?”

he bites his bottom lip, shuts his eyes, and nods, and with his consent, you lift your hips and slam them back down onto his crotch. his breath hitches as he feels your gummy walls tighten up around him, and his fists clench at the bedsheets beside him, searching for purchase in the cotton material but ultimately finding none. grabbing his wrists, you guide his hands to your ass; tendou takes the cue and digs his nails into your soft flesh, his palms kneading and squeezing the fat of your ass as you bounce up and down on his cock.

craving to taste him again, you kiss him once more, allowing his grunts and whines to be muffled by your swollen lips. “satori, baby,” you whisper as you pull away from his face. “open your eyes. want you to see how we’re connected.”

tendou immediately heeds your command, his eyelids fluttering open and taking in the beautiful sight of his slicked-up cock disappearing inside of your walls, only to reappear with a ring of your cream surrounding the base of his shaft. the whole image before him is so lewd; your tits bounce in front of him, merely inches away from his face, and almost as if on instinct, satori’s pink lips wrap around your nipple. he hollows his cheeks and begins sucking on the perked bud, and you throw your head back and moan.

“fuck, you’re so amazing,” you mewl as he repeats his ministrations on your other nipple. “keep going, baby. gonna cum soon!”

tendou responds by mumbling incoherently into your breasts, a string of words you can barely make out over the lewd sounds of sweaty, sticky skin slapping against one another. snaking your hand in between your bodies, you find your clit, pressing on the sensitive bud as you come undone around satori’s cock. while riding out your orgasm, tendou lifts his hips off the bed and meets your thrusts halfway; when he feels your walls clamp down on him, he holds you down on his lap, shooting his seed deep into your fucked-out cunt.

tendou’s head collapses onto your shoulder, and you know that he’s completely spent. sighing contently to yourself, you twiddle with the little hairs on his nape as he calms down and his breathing steadies. when he’s finally ready to move, you lift yourself off of his lap and lie down on your back right next to him. you can feel his cum slowly oozing out of your hole, but you figure that it’s a problem for later— you’ll help him wash his sheets before your dad and his mom return home in the morning.

“wow, your first kiss, first time giving head, and your first time fucking all in the same night!” you tease as you drape your arm across his warm chest. “i’ve really spoiled you rotten, haven’t i?”

he chuckles. “i guess so. although i didn’t get to cross off ‘first blowjob’ from my bucket list yet.”

“don’t worry. like i said, mom and dad are staying in a love motel tonight and probably won’t be back until noon tomorrow. we have the whole night.” you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, and satori sighs at the newfound intimacy.

“we really lucked out then. but i think i’m luckier since i got to have you be my first time.”

wait. the cogs in your brain start turning, and all the hints and clues that he’s been subtly dropping begin to make sense— him being shy and awkward around you, him fantasizing about giving you head, him feeling “lucky” that you took his virginity. it all adds up, and you can’t believe how oblivious you’ve been all along.

“satori, you have a crush on me, don’t you?”

“i— uh—” he blurts out, his mind scrambling for an answer. you can feel his hand that’s wrapped around your waist begin to grow clammy, and after a few seconds of stumbling for words like an idiot, he finally caves in. he knows he’s been caught red-handed.

“fine, yes i do,” he admits, his voice low and raspy. “i’ve liked you all throughout high school actually. but you were always either dating someone, or some guy was trying to get with you— i just figured that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”

he chuckles lightly to himself as he continues, “like that one time we ran into each other at the movie theater. when you mentioned that you were on a date, i felt so heartbroken and lightheaded that i just had to get out of the building as quickly as i could! god, i’m so pathetic sometimes.”

you scoff and playfully roll your eyes. “ugh, please don’t remind me of that night. did you know that my date stood me up right after you left? i couldn’t even enjoy the movie because i was so pissed off.”

tendou shakes his head in disbelief. “y’know, i actually have the ring saved onto my laptop. we can watch it if you want,” tendou suggests, gently nudging your foot with his. gaining confidence, he adds on, “why don’t we turn a sour memory into a sweet one? let me right that loser’s wrongs!”

giggling, you reply, “fine, but only if you promise me that you’ll stop taking out all of your pent-up sexual frustrations on your pillow. i’m only a few doors down the hall you know.” you wink, and tendou throws his head back and chuckles.

“deal,” he wheezes out as he catches his breath. “but only if you promise me that when we inevitably get too distracted to watch the movie tonight, we’ll wake up early and finish it tomorrow morning.”

the corners of your lips curl upwards into a mischievous smile.

“deal.”

taglist will be in a separate reblog! thank you for the support! (*'ω'*)

[munsster]

hi! could you make a robin buckley x reader where she thinks the reader is dating steve but in reality the reader has a crush on her?LOL and im the end they both confess and it’s like awkward but cute? THAMK U! i hope that made sense

gold medal babe

A/N: this is the sweetest fkn thing i LOVE a good awkward wlw confession

Pairing: Robin Buckley x Fem!Reader, Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Summary: Robin still doesn’t understand everyone’s apparent obsession with Steve. Turns out, neither do you! 1.7k words

Warnings: fluff, miscommunication, mutual pining, angsty/jealous gay behavior

Each poke, each wise crack, each inside joke made Robin want to suffocate. Steve must have been exposed to radioactive waste or something because there’s no way a girl like you agreed to date him without some lawless external force. Not when you’re all smiles and graphic tights and kitten heels and pearl studs. Not when you’re the perfect girlfriend—thoughtful and soft and so charismatic, not to mention the epitome of grace and all things lovely—and Robin’s starting to wonder what makes Steve so goddamn lucky.

So here she is, flicking through random names on the store’s computer screen, bored out of her mind listening to Steve explain the rules of some obscure European sport you’ve never even heard of. She’s scrolled through twelve Richards already when you laugh, clutching your stomach and doubling over from where you’re perched on the edge of the counter, legs swinging out when you lose your balance.

Robin’s quick to whip around in her chair when you tilt forward a little too far, only to find Steve’s hands already on your shoulders. And he looks constipated with worry, which only makes you laugh harder. She spins back around, flushed and jittery hoping you didn’t catch her overzealous reflexes.

“Somebody’s had one too many slammers.” Steve teases, and you flick at his chest.

“Shut up, Harrington,” you say. Robin catches you in the blurry reflection of the monitor: the unmistakable curve of your cherry red lips, the dainty chain peeking from the neck of your dress, the way your ringed fingers brush over the hem of your uniform green vest.

“Shut up, Harrington,” he whines.

“Oh, that’s real mature. What would your mother think?”

“Hey, lay off’a my ma.”

“That’s not what she wanted last night—gross, gross, stop!” you squeal because he pops his pinky into his mouth, pushing the slick little finger towards your ear. But you snag his wrist and shove him away before he can get any closer.

The glass door swings open to a cute little family of four, the two kids bursting off from the group. Excited squeals fill the aisles of shelved tapes, and you chirp out a generic greeting—the one they coached you on when you were hired.

“Not it,” Steve huffs. Robin sighs and stands from her chair, planting her palms on either side of the register with a deflated look. Almost like a grimace.

“I can take this one,” you coo, tugging at her sleeve and hopping down with the nicest fucking smile she’s ever seen, and it’s enough for her to fumble the play and shuffle around a little.

“Oh, no, I can—I’ve got it. Besides, now you and Steve can go… yunno, whatever. ‘S no problem.”

“Okay.” You nod, lips pursed, glancing back at Steve, wide-eyed and kind of panicked while he just whistles and turns on his heel to weave through the store.

He plucks one of the movies off the new release stand, scanning the back when one of the kids scampers up to him. Not saying a word, just breathing heavily and watching him.

“Hey, kiddo,” he says, giving her a warm smile that she gleefully reciprocates with about half her teeth missing. The little girl grabs at his hand, her gold pigtails bouncing as she tugs him to the section deemed the kids section, decorated with paper butterflies and instruments.

“What the hell was that? Did you see that? God, that was horrible—”

“You loved Snow White? Maybe you’ll like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty—speaking of princesses,” Steve stands just to glare directly at you, “I’m trying to do my job. You know, the one I’m paid to do, not relationship counseling or some sh—”

“You can’t counsel something that doesn’t exist! You’re supposed to be Steve Harrington, remember? You get all the ladies, this should be a walk in the park.”

“Clearly not all of them, thanks to you two,” he says, crouching down to the child with her hands grabbing at any and every movie with a cartoon animal on the cover, “let me introduce you to my friend, she’s nice sometimes, and she’s also really good at picking out movies, okay?”

The little girl looks up at you with her big green eyes, and you sigh, smacking Steve on the arm and handing her a film from the top shelf.

“I think you’re gonna find Alice in Wonderland a lot more interesting, honey, here you go”—the blondie hugs the tape to her chest and skips back to the front of the store, babbling with each hurried step. Meanwhile, you turn to Steve who’s leaned against the wall like a bastard—“you promised to help me.”

“Yeah, that was when there was something in it for me. Oh, wait, there never was, I’m just an insanely good friend.”

“Steve, I swear to God, if you help me, I will never bother you again.”

“Robin—!”

The family scoots back through the doorway when Robin sees the two of you huddled awkwardly near the back of the store. Steve grabs your hand and walks you to the counter with a bared-teeth-grin.

“Robin, (Y/n), you’re both girls, right? Great, my friend just called and said it was an emergency, so I’m going to leave. And hey, since it’s only”—he checks his wristwatch frantically—“five minutes until your shifts are over, why don’t you ride home together? Sound good? Awesome.”

And he practically bolts for the door, whipping his beamer out of the lot while you and Robin stand across from each other, mouths open in shock and awe

“What does us being girls have anything to do with that?” She says, and her head swivels to look at you, her hair wild and her heart racing, and you’re smiling at her which isn’t making any of it better. It’s like you’re a siren, and she doesn’t know whether to surrender or seek shelter or swim. You drown every coherent thought she’s ever had with one bat of your swooping lashes, and standing right here is like facing God dripping in grape-flavored sin.

Then you giggle, hiding your face in your hands, which makes her laugh, which makes you laugh until you’re both leaned back against opposing countertops and heaving in deep, huffing breaths between his watch doesn’t even work and he has no other friends.

Once you catch your breath, you’re not even safe. Her head is tilted back, pretty eyes fixed on the speckled ceiling, lips parted and smiling just a little at the thought. The thought that you might actually like her. The thought that you’re everything she has ever wanted and the thought that she’s crazy for it. Even if you are breathless at the sight of her, you’re dating Steve. She’d be nothing but your sidequest. Something to achieve and forget.

“Alright,” she sighs, “I better go. My shift ended thirty minutes ago.” She grabs her blazer from the back of the office chair, and you watch her wave when she steps outside. Her shoes are heavy on the pavement, and she almost doesn’t want to walk away. The thought of you keeps dragging her back by the bootstraps. Every time she tries to leave, get over it, live another day, she sees you and she’s back at square one.

“Robin!”

Her heart sinks. The way you say her name is like life support. The IV drip of gods, feeding her straight simple syrup like she’s a hummingbird with an ache. Indulgent and sated and licking her lips because she’ll always know the taste of your girlish charm.

“Robin, wait,” you pant, hands on your hips, taking a deep breath and drawing a sweat across your brow, “d’you wanna go… out? There’s this super cute diner downtown, Steve showed it to me when—”

“You mean just you and me?”

You tilt your head at her, surely smirking at what she may have thought you meant.

“Yeah. Just you and me. And a little dinner. Is that… oh, did I—? Did I read this wrong? I’m so sorry,” you say, scratching the back of your neck and sighing deeply into your chest.

“Wait, what? No, no, sorry, I just think… I’m pretty sure Steve would kill me,” she says with a laugh.

“Why would… why would he kill you?”

“Oh, I dunno, maybe because I’d be going out with his girlfriend.”

“His girlfriend? Me? Yeah, I’ll pass. He’s so…”—you wave your hands out in front of you before shrugging—“I mean, he’s handsome, I’ll give him that, but…”

You’re not dating Steve. So then what the hell were the last three months for if she wasted them sulking over her two favorite people who were theoretically sucking face behind the scenes. All that fuss for absolutely nothing. Well maybe not nothing, because the way you’re looking at her now—all tender and soul-crushing—might bring her to her knees.

“Wait, you mean you don’t like Steve? Not even a little?”

“Not even at all. What I feel for Steve is and will always be a friend thing. Strictly platonic,” you say, “plus, why would I need him when I’ve got you to worry about?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Why would I need him when—”

“No, no, I heard you, it’s just,” she huffs, “you worry about me?”

“C’mon, I know you reel in the babes. Gotta make sure I stay in first place.”

She’s short-circuiting right about now. Someone up there’s taking a screwdriver to her central power and going ham. Because this is something straight out of dreams. There’s no cheesy indie rock playing, but there’s a helluva lot of confessing happening. And she feels a little weird standing a sidewalk’s length apart.

So she hops onto the curb. And suddenly, you’re a lot closer now. And she can feel your body heat when you inch towards her in your squeaky new loafers.

“Like it’s even a competition for you,” she mumbles. And your chest swells with pride, flooding hot and sweet with the bright look in her eye. You reach for her waist to pull her close enough to count her freckles one by one. How the sun blessed her skin with kisses and made it predestined at that. Showed her where they’ll be even once they fade for the winter. They’ll come back, and you’ll count them all over again.

“Guess that means the feeling is mutual,” you say, twisting a strand of her wild auburn hair between your fingertips.

“Very mutual,” she says. You nod, grinning so wide it would hurt if you weren’t so stuck on the way she’s holding your hips.

“So… how d’you feel about milkshakes?”

masterlist

[edoro]

📖- AU I’d like to see them in, for willow (toh)?

oooh, this is an interesting one, i'm gonna have to think here, because as much as i love Willow, most of my brainpower is devoted to creating scenarios and ideas revolving around Wittebanes and putting other characters in as needed.

okay, how about this one... modern day 'everyone is humans' au. she gets accepted to a highly-ranked private college a few hours away from home, which happens to be attached to the otherwise unremarkable city of Gravesfield, Connecticut.

for the first time in her life, she's living on her own, away from her dads, although of course she's going to drive back and visit them as often as possible.

but she's on her own! she's coming into herself, making new friends, breaking away from the shy, friendless, bullied person she was, joining sports and extracurriculars and finding out who she is, etc etc - she meets Luz of course, and maybe Gus as well here, and they become fast friends etc etc -

and she also meets Hunter Wittebane, who ends up being her partner and study buddy for their shared 8am biology lab, which seemed like such a good idea to her when she was signing up for classes, but she's starting to have some regrets. oh well!

he's... interesting. keeps to himself. studies hard and does good work. once he starts opening up a bit, it turns out that he's just intensely socially awkward, and as she learns more about him, she realizes why - he was homeschooled for most of his life and spent the last couple years helping his uncle - who seems to be a figure of some importance in the town - arrange thing with the family business after his mother passed away. he doesn't have any other friends and mostly just goes to school, then goes back home to help his uncle out.

Willow, of course, promptly integrates him into her friend group. he clearly needs the socializing and she can relate a lot to having just grown into this sort of small, stunted version of yourself living in the same town your whole life, so maybe this will give him a chance to stretch his wings a little bit! plus he seems interesting and nice, if odd.

and the more she gets to know him, the more she realizes that something is just deeply, deeply rotten in his homelife...

basically just an aged-up, Willow-centric coming of age type of story where she explores living on her own, making friends, developing a new identity as an adult, while also befriending the local town weird kid who nobody really knows and gradually uncovering the fractal layers of horror that is his life, and then the whole group banding together for Operation: Get Him Away From That Awful Old Man Good God

does not have to be romantic but honestly i am a huge sucker for "someone ends up falling in love with a person who is embroiled in some kind of hideously abusive relationship, and gradually this comes more and more to light as the two of them get closer, and it's this huge horrible looming weight distorting what should be a fun sweet honeymoon limerance period", so i do like the idea of it.

[alcinadimitrescuwu]

This Woman's Work Part IX (Alcina x Female Reader Fanfic)

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII

“You’re almost there, Maman. You’re doing great. Just a couple more steps.”

You take a deep breath in through your nose and blow it out through your mouth and push forward at your daughter’s coaxing, your arms gripping the railing that had been set up in your bedroom. The wound in your side is in agony but you take another step, biting the inside of your cheek hard to keep from crying out in pain.

It has been three weeks since that horrible night. You had already lost a lot of blood by the time Karl and Alcina arrived at Donna’s place. In an incredible stroke of luck, Donna had surgical thread in her sewing kit and at Salvatore’s instructions (he was having one of his good days) sewed up the place where Alcina’s claws had torn through. You were in and out of consciousness, but every time you opened your eyes Alcina was there by your side holding your hand.

Alcina is sitting nearby in her chair now, gently burping Ecaterina after her feeding. She looks up at you and you see concern in her golden eyes and another emotion that has been a mainstay for the past couple weeks: guilt.

Things had been...awkward between the two of you since that night. No matter how many times you assured her that all was well and you had forgiven her, she refused to forgive herself. You had only been intimate one time since that night and it ended quickly after Alcina had forgotten about the wound in your side as she cupped your hip and you couldn’t hold back the scream of pain that came out of your mouth. Alcina had immediately gotten out of the bed and as far away from you as she could, as if afraid touching you would cause any more damage.

She had sunk into the chair and began sobbing brokenly. You had wished to go to her, but your Bath chair was already on the other side of the room. You braced yourself against one of the bedposts as you said gently, “Darling, it was an accident. The pain’s already subsiding. Please come back to bed.”

Alcina covered her face with her hands, but you could see the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I can’t even make love to my wife without causing her pain. What kind of wife does that make me?” The raw self-hatred in her voice broke your heart.

From that point on whenever you had settled down for the night, Alcina kissed your forehead and turned out the light and that was the end of it. She kept to her own side of the bed and you greatly missed the feeling of her muscular arms about you with your shoulder tucked under her chin, her curls kissing your cheekbones.You had the sense that if you tried to move closer she would move away so you didn’t even try.

You try to take another step and suddenly the room spins around you and you fall forward. Daniela, however, quickly grabs your arm and puts her arm around your shoulder before you hit the ground.

“I think that should be enough for today, Maman,” Bela says soothingly.

You set your jaw. You only have three more steps to go before you clear the railing. “No, girls, I can keep going.” But your ragged breathing and forehead shining with sweat give you away. You push your tongue to the inside of your cheek and taste coppery blood from where you had bitten into it.

Cassandra rolls your Bath chair over to you. “Maman, you don’t need to push yourself so hard. You’re not gonna be of any use to Ecaterina if you run yourself ragged.”

You smile at Cassandra’s brutal honesty as she helps you into your Bath chair. “You’re right, dearest.”

Alcina stands up, having finished burping Ecaterina. She looks affectionately over at her daughters taking care of you and you see one of the first genuine smiles from her that you’ve seen in weeks. “You’ve been so good to Maman these past few weeks, dears. She and I really appreciate all the help you’ve given to us and Ecaterina.” She rests the hand not holding Ecaterina on the back of your chair and you take her hand in yours, kissing her knuckles. Surprisingly, she doesn’t pull away this time. “It’s time for us to put Ecaterina down for her nap and for me to change Maman’s bandages. If you’ll excuse us, loves.”

The girls nod in agreement and vanish into their bug shrouds. Alcina turns around and settles Ecaterina into her cradle. Ecaterina gurgles, her eyes mirroring the gold in Alcina’s. Alcina gives her a tender kiss on the forehead before turning to you. She motions for you to stand up and you obey as she kneels down to your level and helps you take off your day dress. Standing there in your slip with her hands on you reminds you of how long it has been since you have last felt her touch.

Alcina lifts up your slip ever so lightly and peels off the gauze bandage wrapped around your waist. Alcina sets her jaw as she uncovers the gashes she herself had inflicted on you. She takes off her gloves, dips the pad of her thumb in a jar of salve and applies it to your wounds. There is an unreadable expression on her face.

You try to give her an encouraging smile. “I talked to Sal the other day,” you posit. “He says that even though the wound is deep,if I don’t expose it to too much sunlight it won’t leave a scar!”

“Not a physical one at least,” Alcina mutters.

Ok. You’ve had enough. You turn her head to face you. “Darling, we’ve been over this,” you say, rubbing her cheekbone with the pad of your thumb. “Are you going to keep punishing yourself forever?”

Almost despite herself, Alcina leans into your touch and interlaces her large fingers with yours. “I can’t imagine how much physical pain you must be in, my love,” Alcina whispers. “And all by my hand.” Tears begin forming in Alcina’s aureate eyes. “I nearly killed you.”

“You didn’t though, Alcina!” You move over to her lap and she gently almost tentatively wraps her arms around you and holds you close. You lean your head against her chest and resist the urge to sigh. It’s been so long since you’ve been held by your wife. “I know you were under Miranda’s control but something held you back from killing me outright. I know it.”

“You don’t know what it’s like being under someone else’s control.” You can almost feel Alcina’s body shudder as she recalls that night. “It was like I was outside my body watching myself. I was screaming at myself to stop when I kissed that woman.” The memory of your wife kissing Mother Miranda so passionately pops into your mind briefly but you shut it out as she goes on. “And when I stabbed you, I-” Her voice cracks. “I was practically begging myself to stop but my body just moved on its own.”

“Don’t you see, then, darling?” you ask. “You weren’t yourself when you were under Mother Miranda’s control. The person that kissed Mother Miranda, the person that stabbed me, that wasn’t you, so please.” You cradle Alcina’s face in your hands and stare into those beautiful discs of gold. “Please stop blaming yourself for this. Mother Miranda is dead. I’m alive. Our daughter is safe and healthy. That’s what matters now.”

Alcina kisses your forehead lovingly. “When did you get so wise?” she asks, tucking a stray curl behind your ear. You can see that you’ve finally gotten through to her. Her body posture is more relaxed, her jaw is loose, and her shoulders aren’t so tight. She carefully places the new bandage over your wound and you feel a pleasant tingle as you feel her bare fingers brush briefly over your tender skin.

She moves to pull your slip over your new bandage but you take her wrist before she can withdraw it. You hold her gaze as you take the strap of your slip off your shoulder and your slip coils in a pool of silk around your ankles. She takes you in her arms and brushes her lips against yours briefly. When she pulls aways, you see the same desire in her eyes. “Are you quite sure, ingeras?” Alcina asks, brushing the back of her knuckles against your cheekbones.

“Yes” you rasp. “Take me to the bed.”

Alcina picks you up as you wrap your legs around her waist, taking care not to touch your sensitive wound and carries you over to the bed. She gently, almost reverently lays you down on the bed. She lowers herself down to kiss you again and you bury your fingers in her curls. Alcina deepens the kiss, her tongue coaxing your mouth open as you unfasten the pearl buttons on the back of her dress. “I’ll go slow for you, draga,” Alcina murmurs against your lips.

“Alright, let’s see how our little patient is doing today- JESUS CHRIST! What the FUCK?”

It seems like Heisenberg has decided to check up on you today.

With a frustrated growl Alcina moves quickly in front of you while holding her own dress up. “Yes, Heisenberg, that is in fact what we were setting out to do before you arrived.” Alcina shakes her head at him derisively. “You seem to have impeccably bad timing, as always.”

Heisenberg’s face is beet red again, you note with amusement. “Well, excuse me for trying to check in on my sister-in-law and my goddaughter! Speaking of which, really Alcina? Getting down and dirty with the kid in the room?”

Alcina’s cheeks are also sporting a lovely red color. “Ecaterina was asleep.” Amidst all the commotion, Ecaterina has already woken up and is crying. “Well, she was until you came in.”

The girls suddenly materialize into the room. “Mother!” Cassandra chirps. “I thought I heard Uncle Karl in here and- JESUS CHRIST! What the FUCK!”

Alcina covers her face with her hands. Bela takes the book that Daniela is holding and holds it so it’s covering the image of you and your wife on the bed. “Really Mother,” Bela tuts to herself.

Daniela doesn’t seem to mind. She turns to the two of you, unperturbed by the state of your undress and asks, “Can Uncle Karl stay for dinner, Mother, Maman? Please? It’s been so long since we’ve all had dinner together!”

You smile indulgently at her over Alcina’s shoulder. “Of course he can, darling,” you say.

“Fine,” Alcina mutters. "Now if you please, will all of you kindly get out of our room?”

The daughters vanish into the bug shrouds, chattering excitedly about what Cook is making for dinner. Heisenberg leaves too, chuckling softly to himself.

You turn to your blushing bride and give her a chaste kiss on the lips before you both get dressed and join your daughters for dinner.

Together. As a family.