#thanks for the trauma flashbacks

[anths-girl]

I hated it with an absolute passion, for...SOOO many reasons... Just...ACK.

For research (and due to my own grievances):

Reblog for bigger sample size (or don't, but I will be yelling at you from the sidelines)

[mlady-magnolia]

Welt really was about to black hole Aventurine’s ass and I think that’s so real of him

[galaxywhump]

wasn't sure since it didn't seem like you'd written anything in a bit and i didn't want to just put you on the spot! so we've seen wren experience panic/triggering from pre daniel trauma and daniel's reactions to that. i'd be interested to see daniel's reaction to wren getting triggered/having a panic attack/flashbacks from something daniel has done to him (whipping, breaking his fingers, stabbing through his hands)

Took me a while (what else is new), but here you go!

[SV-240 masterlist]

contents: forced relationship whump, slavery whump, creepy/intimate whumper, trauma, flashbacks, panic attack, creepy comfort, referenced: broken fingers, whipping, cutting.

~~~

Wren has gone through so much pain since he was captured; torture has become just a fact in his life, something Daniel loves too much to let it go. 

The regular torture methods he has gotten used to. They hurt regardless, but he's used to the sight of the whip or Daniel's favorite knife, and the way they bite into his flesh.

But then there are the others, the ones that have only happened once, in circumstances he'd rather not relive. The more time passes, the fuzzier the memories become - but the memory of the pain becomes exaggerated, and when he catches himself thinking back to it against his will, all he remembers is agony.

But all of that is behind him, hopefully. He's learned to block it from his memory - until now.

"Give me a break."

It's just a movie. They're sitting on the couch, Daniel's arm wrapped around Wren, holding him close, and they're watching a movie together. It means over an hour of relative silence between the two of them, since Wren's not in the mood for commenting on what's happening on the screen. He was relieved to hear that this was the plan for the day, that Daniel wanted to relax too.

Then he hears the words. They're just words, just that one common word that he's heard again and again here, but this is different, and it takes him back, like he's been punched in the face and sent flying backwards into the past, but then ended up here again, on the couch, in Daniel's casual embrace.

"You're breaking my heart."

His hands are trembling, fingers stiff; he's scared to move them, expecting agony accompanying a nauseating crack. He can hear it so clearly, one after another, and he can hear something else, laughter, so much laughter, Daniel's and Berkeley's, laughing at him as he sobbed into the couch, unable to resist while his fingers were getting broken one by one.

He jolts in place when someone grabs his hand, he can already feel the pain even though nothing has happened yet, tears gather in his eyes and trickle down his face, and he can barely breathe.

"No!" he cries out, wrenching his hand free and backing away, scrambling to the end of the couch, his breathing quick and shallow. Breaking echoes in his head, the word said in Berkeley's voice and the sickening sound reverberating from his fingers, which hurt so much.

"Hey."

Daniel's voice. It's different, there's genuine worry where there used to be sadistic satisfaction, and yet it's nowhere near soothing, it never is. He shakes his head, curling up, holding his hands close to his chest.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Daniel frowns, moving closer and reaching towards Wren, not stopping when he flinches away. 

"N-no," Wren chokes out when Daniel grabs his arm, but he can't free himself, it wouldn't change anything, he was only punished even more harshly for trying to run. "Stay away, d-don't-"

"I'm not doing anything. Did the movie remind you of something? Whatever it was, it's okay now. You're here, and you're safe with me."

"You did that to me!" Wren curls up more to protect his hands, terror only increased by hopelessness, because if Daniel really wants to repeat that torture, there's nothing that can change his mind.

"Did what?" Daniel tightens his grip on Wren's arm, looking him up and down, and realization finally seems to dawn on him when he notices the way Wren's hiding his hands from him. "Oh. You mean breaking your fingers?"

Wren shivers and doesn't respond, but Daniel doesn't seem to need his confirmation.

"Oh, sweetheart…" Wren can't back off any further and has no choice but to let Daniel pull him closer and wrap one arm around him again; Daniel doesn't let go when he feels Wren tense up, his breathing still strained. "That was ages ago, and I promise it was a one-time thing. I'll never do that to you again."

Wren exhales, doing his best to calm down, but Daniel being so close is anything but calming, and then he whimpers and tries to pull back when Daniel gently takes his hands.

"No…"

"Shh. It's okay. I won't hurt you like that again." Daniel squeezes his hands and smiles.

"You're still hurting me," Wren whispers, his voice shaky.

"I know, but there are things I won't do, again or at all. That is one of them."

And yet Wren's breath catches in his throat when Daniel takes hold of his fingers and curls them slightly.

"Relax, sweetheart. I won't do anything."

"Then let go."

"Just trust me." Daniel leans his head against Wren's. "We'll finish the movie some other time, okay? Or we can watch something else. For now just try to calm down."

It's hard when Daniel continues playing with Wren's fingers, squeezing his hands from time to time, knowing well that it’s counterproductive to his goal of making Wren calm down, but choosing to do it anyway. Not hurting him, just reminding him that he can, at any moment, whenever he pleases, while Wren can do nothing but follow his suggestion and do his best not to reminisce about that nightmare any longer.

~~~

taglist: @faewhump @inky-whump @whole-and-apart-and-between @whatwasmyprevioususername @procrastinatingsab @funky-little-glitter-bomb @goneuntil @redstainedsocks @luminouswhump @lonesome--hunter @as-a-matter-of-whump @renkocchi @whump-only @muddy-swamp-bitch @girlwithacoolcat @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @sophierose002 @whump-headspace @to-whump-or-not-to-whump @kixngiggles @ohwhumpydays @whumpvp @wibbly-wobbly-whump @stab-the-son-of-a @his-unspoken-words @pumpkin-spice-whump @onlyhappywhenitpains @suspicious-whumping-egg @morning-star-whump @burtlederp

[crowleys-hips]

i'm gonna be real for a sec. i love good omens but it's probably making my cptsd worse lmao

[mig-murgthenurg]

I don't know how but the Malenia fight traumatised me so much that I genuinely can't look at anything with her in it without my fight or flight kicking in.

[depressedzelda]

its actually wild how ive never been arrested before. The shit i was doing like every night in public i just didnt gaf

[flowercrowngods]

I'm taking your post as permission to poke and prod and say, 'you can do it!'

Don't let this chapter kick your butt, you got this!!

it's kicking my butt :( it really, really is

[shire-ivy]

There is a special place in hell for people who says 'tw' but doesn't say what and 'credit to the artists but doesn't say who

[iprefervillains]

Pretty sure that most of my trauma and insecurities have their roots in my mom's behavior and words.

[wild-houseplant]

kissu prompt for Rhodri and Zevran if you're doing them 👀 kissing the tears from their cheeks

Icemeister!!! Believe it or not I had something fitting in my WIPs folder that I've been looking to finish for a while. This little postwar oneshot delves into Zevran's PTSD, so fair warning to anyone feeling a bit unsteady today. It ends nicely, at least. :D :D :D Thank you so much for the ask!!! Let's get to it!! (more under the cut- at 1500 it's one of my shorter ones xD )

§

It had become surprisingly hot in the market square. Zevran huffed a breath of wry surprise as he wiped new sweat beads off his brow. When did it get hot in Denerim?

The answer, of course, was that it didn’t, and he was now turning into one of these icy Fereldans. What was next? Dog worship? A secret affinity for mud? Would he ever hear the end of it if he told Rhodri?

Oh, it didn’t bear thinking about. He pushed the notion aside and cast his eyes around for a distraction. 

The square was teeming with people. In the month that had passed since the end of the Blight, it was one of the only places that had been fully repaired. Consequently, as one of the few reasonably desirable places to be, people came like iron filings to a magnet. Stalls spilled out onto the paths when there was no more space in the perimeter, and people bottlenecked as they jostled and fought their way forward in the silent manner Fereldans had.

Not that there was no noise to be had. Merchants’ shouts and petitions rang through the glut, children screamed as they played, and there was always a mabari barking about something or other.

And it was so hot. Andraste’s grace, he was sweating like a sinner in the Chantry. Heatstroke, probably; no wonder his hands were shaking. He shouldn’t have said no to that apple juice vendor. Oh, the shame of having to turn to Rhodri and ask that they go somewhere cooler. 

In Denerim.

She wouldn’t tease him, though. Not when his hands were shaking. 

Zevran turned to his right and she was gone. He glanced down at his hand. She always held his hand, fingers constantly massaging his-- empty.

The air went stale in his lungs. Gone?

He steadied himself with a breath and scanned the crowds for her. The people were swirling around him, spinning out in all directions. No single current of motion his eyes could train on to look for gaps, and it was so hot. Stifling. 

Off to his right, a flash of orange invaded his periphery, screaming through the marketplace and setting everything it passed ablaze. Hot. Hot. Where was she…

He tried to call her name, but the air trickled uselessly through his tight throat. A shout reached his ears, and then another. ‘Run,’ they’d said, and ‘ogre,’ and he had to find her now.

Zevran strained his ears as he followed the flow of the crowd. Not Rhodri’s voice. Not that one, either. No, that one was a little too high. She was here somewhere. She needed him. The place was going up in smoke and she needed him. 

He broke through the bustle, finding refuge and a viewpoint in an abandoned, muddy spot. The throngs of people were no easier to examine from a clear vantage point; why did she always wear black? 

Where is she… 

“Zev?”

A surge of energy tore through him strong enough to make his skin ache. Something cricked in his neck as his head snapped around to the direction of her voice. Urgent, firm, alert. Nowhere to be seen, though, obscured by the crush of people coursing around between them.

“Zev!”

He edged a furious, despairing growl out through gritted teeth.

She needs me where is she

He ducked back into the swarm and weaved his way toward the sound, habit the only thing keeping him from shoving the bovine humans in front of him. 

Her face materialised in the sea of heads up ahead, a mass of blood and pulp and char.

No, it wasn't. The skin was intact, because the furrow in her brow disappeared when she saw him. Why, he couldn't imagine, and the words of self-deprecating questions drowned in the screams pealing between his ears.

Rhodri was in front of him. Or he was in front of her. Someone had closed the gap. He grabbed her arms, his shaky fingers pulling the loose sleeves back to check for other injury. There was no doubt something, but I can help, my love. Mi Rhodri. I can help, I’m not too late. My darling. Stay with me, let Alistair kill it please please please

"Dulcis." Rhodri's hands went onto his, stilling them ever so gently while she shook her sleeves back down. Wide, gentle eyes inspected him. "You're unwell. Come, my love." She released his hands to reach around and hitch him up to her. "Wrap your legs around me, hmm? Nice and tightly-- yes, like that, dulcis, bonus. Ah, perbonus." 

More words came as she walked. Easy assurances, that he was with her, that things were well, that they were moving to their accommodations to get out of the bustle, all went on a loop. The repetition was soothing in its simplicity and predictability, assuaged frantic, cycling doubts of mishearings and misunderstandings. 

Long, splayed fingers brushed up and down his back; relief breached the cracks in his numbness, and in the manufactured privacy of her arms, Zevran wept. Such awful noises through a kinked-off throat, too many chokes and sobs, and nowhere near enough apologies for it. Too much evidence of it all right down her front. Third time this week he’d shattered like glass over nothing. 

She was going to get sick of him like this. As though there weren’t enough to make her sick of him as it was.

"Zev. Dulcis." 

He anchored his fists into her robes to lift his head. It was better that he couldn't see her face through the swimming blur; he blinked anyway. 

They were in their room again. Rhodri was watching him with a tenderness that risked fresh tears. It was in the eyes, mostly, but there was a tiny, warm bend in her lips as well and how had he ever seen anything but gentleness in that face? 

She combed her fingers through his hair and lay them both down on the bed. "Hello."

"Forgive me," he croaked. "There was… ah…"

Thick, hard arms pulled him up in line with her face. Rhodri clucked her tongue softly and kissed away the fat tear under his eye he thought he’d blinked back.

“Corculum. No apology, hmm?” She kissed his other cheek, and then over both his eyes to catch more threatening water, breathing the same soft, unintelligible line of Tevene between each press of her mouth. 

“No apology,” she said again. “These things, the memories, they happen. Thank you for letting me help. How are you feeling now?”

He nodded and pressed a tired, salty kiss on the corner of her mouth. “The worst is over, I do believe.”

"What set it off? Last time it was that guard shouting outside the tavern.” Rhodri frowned. “I don’t recall hearing anything like that this time."

"Mm. It was the heat, would you believe it. It was… stifling in the marketplace. To think at the time I appreciated the heat of those fires, no?" He chuckled weakly.

"Ah." Rhodri nodded solemnly. "Do you know, dulcis, I think we might be going about this the wrong way.”

“Oh?”

She hummed. “I've always believed that if something bad enough happens to someone, the place where it happened will be ruined for them beyond repair. And…” Rhodri shrugged. “I don’t know. I think going somewhere like the marketplace makes for unnecessary suffering for you.”

Zevran hooked one ankle around hers and dragged her leg in between his. “You think so?”

“I do. The world is so small, and we could be any number of places, finding new happiness.” She shook her head. “Why are we circling back to misery instead?”

He sighed. “It has happened in happier places, as well, for no reason.”

“Very true. It won’t completely fix things, I know, but perhaps it will make life a little easier if we minimise the bad times where we can."

Zevran gave a weak, wet chuckle. "I do not know where else you will find your peanuts than the market square."

Rhodri watched him without a hint of a smile. "In what world," she asked gravely, "does a bag of peanuts take precedence over your comfort?"

"Ah," he offered. "I had meant it as a joke, in fact."

She watched him closely, not saying a word. A year ago, he would have been saying his last prayers, and now the intent scanning was enough to coax a smile out of him.

He took one of her hands and kissed her fingertips. “Not one of my better ones, is it?”

“No.” Rhodri shook her head. “Should I do one of those polite laughs, though?”

“Mmm…” Zevran chuckled. “I think that opportunity has come and gone. So we are to move on, then? Is it time to go home to Minrathous?”

The Warden– his Warden– snuggled him into her. Her chest rumbled against his as she gave a thoughtful hum.

“We have to decide together,” she replied after a moment, “but that would be my suggestion. We’re fit enough to travel now, and our family is expecting us. And truly, I don’t think there’s anything left here for us.”

Zevran absently twiddled one of her fingers. “Was there much here for us to begin with? Contractual obligations aside, of course.”

Her bitter scoff made his eyebrows rise.

“Loved ones aside,” she said, “absolutely not. Wretched fucking place this is.”

He snickered. “Quite right, my love. Then it’s settled? Onward and outward, to our sun-kissed paradise?”

“Ah!” She grinned. “Music to my ears, dulcis.”

[bosjess]

I saw my psych and had to tell her about my assault and I feel really really bad

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

guys i freaking did it fraeking did self therapy so i could edit this ritsu into the image, ensemble stars CAN be good for your mental health see! This was just so freaking ritsu-core I had to sit down and hardcore speedrun through trying to process some trauma so id stop getting flashbacks during this, its uh, not 100% BUT my flashbacks decreased in severity and frequency enough i could finish the piece without making myself miserable explanation for what i did below

Id do a below the cut thing but i cant figure out how that works so sorry for the long post but i figured i should share it since it provided me relief so freaking fast-? (again im not cured but ...it helped.)

(I sat down, processed my trauma by going over what i learned from my traumatic experience and not shying away from the things i wanted to avoid because well they were making me have flashbacks, carefully going over what i learned from it in detail that allowed me to regain some control over how the situation affected me and how i handle situations going forward and how it changed my view of the world, and then i went over in detail how i would handle it if a similar situation came up and what little i can actually do to prevent it, while also assuring myself that its okay that theres a certain degree of uncertainty but that its a very rare and unlikely thing for that to ever happen let alone multiple times in my life and ill probably never encounter it again, and since i took my brains concerns seriously, it seemed to be more willing to actually let me believe that this time. I feel ...so much better and like a weights been lifted. I cant believe i just freaking did all this becasue i needed to make a meme so bad but honestly im so proud of myself, worth it. definitely reccomend it, I really wish someone had told me sooner that telling yourself what you learned from a situation and making it part of an uplifting narrative and that kind of thing is in fact, what it means to process trauma and that theres actually a definition for that and its not just wait around and hope your brain unfricks itself. i have a lot of work left to do on myself but i feel so much better... thanks to original poster for making a meme so good i had to make my own ver-)

Saw this post and immediately knew I had to make it Ford

(Og post under cut)

[infizero]

guys im being so serious this actually made me so upset i had to get up and take a walk around my house for several minutes before making this post.

[deathepicx]

I'm so thankful that I don't live in any of my childhood homes anymore considering my trauma connected to them. There's a specific house and street that I actually live really close to but I refuse to go by it because of the horrific things that happened to me there. Most of it I've healed from and put behind me but a specific part of it that I don't think I'll ever fully heal from and put behind me.

[jorjin]

Mastodon has a serious p*do problem in their platform

[honeyyglaze]

Dude