#and i told my therapist last friday? and she was sort of like okay whatever what are you feeling and all i could do was shrug

[solarurl]

[biggirllifestyle]

Over the Rails: Cold Floors and Sparks

Summary: After Peter posts, a video of him and his friends at the roller rink on the Avengers group chat Bucky can’t seem to get his mind off Peter’s friend who stole the show, and after getting goaded into going skating with the other avengers (Natasha’s conniving planning) where Peter’s friend works at Bucky can’t help but feel that there’s something more to look forward to.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus-Sized Reader

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Swearing, Physical harm (from Roller Skating), Future Confrontational Violence, Creepers making woman uncomfortable, .

A/N: It’s long. Sorry. Enjoy.

Friday seemed to be getting closer and closer and Bucky couldn’t help the growing anxiety that he felt as the day grew closer. He didn’t have any issues with hanging out with the Avengers or even being around other people, he had worked through those issues with Xavier on one of his sessions so he knew he could get through it.

Bucky knew that choosing to call his therapist at three in the morning on a weekday would be an excessive thing to do but he thought that maybe dealing with it upfront would be so much better, as he huddled by the couch the rooms only illumination from the muted tv. Bucky heard the line ringing for a few minutes and growing anxiety grew as it kept ringing, as he was about to end the call the line picked and a disgruntled voice answered,

“Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Bucky stopped short the voice on the other line was not his therapist, pulling the phone away looking to see if he had accidentally dialed the wrong number, bucky pulled the phone back an apology at the tip of his tongue before he heard another gruff voice but this time with the hint of a British accent underneath,

“Eric, What’s going on? Who is that?”

Bucky heard a grumble from the man who answered before there was a shift of sheets and finally Xavier was on the line, there was an extra shift and an audible click before everything quieted again.

“James is everything alright?”

“Doctor I apologize for calling you so early in the morning but I-,” Bucky stopped short. He didn't know how to say what was wrong, he felt like his fear was inconsequential that did not deem a call at three in the morning. “I apologize for calling so early in the morning but I don’t know what’s wrong and I need your help.”

He heard Xavier humm, “James, we have talked about this, you do not have to apologize for seeking help. This is an improvement for you since never before did you seek help so I feel like this is a step forward, now tell me what can I do for you?”

“Doc, I know that our session is set for Saturday but something changed this week and I feel like if I don’t address it now it might become an issue for when it finally comes up.” Bucky didn’t know if he was making any sense; he couldn’t even say that he understood his words very clearly, so he was hoping that Xavier was able to understand him enough.

“Does this have anything to do with the video you had talked about from our last session, the one you were caught watching by Natasha?” Bucky made a small noise of confirmation, Xavier hummed as he seemed to write down what was being told to him, Bucky could hear the scratch of paper through the phone.

“Did something happen, James, I know from our last session you mentioned how you were looking forward to your outing with the others, so what is it about it now that's making you so anxious?” Bucky couldn't help the noise of shock that he let out, Xavier had a way of always knowing what Bucky was feeling and thinking and almost as if he was reading his mind, if it wasn’t for the fact that he survived the fall and Steve become ten times taller then he would say that Xavier was a mutant person with powers, well he still believes that no matter how much Xavier denies it.

“There is just so much that may go wrong that makes me nervous,” Bucky paused running a hand through his long hair, “ I just don’t want to disappoint, Nat had told me that this girl, Bibi, was a History major and according to Peter she did a paper the impact of Steve and I’s missions and how the war would have gone differently if we hadn’t been involved and that all that dedication she put into it-”

Bucky paused taking a small breath before continuing, “I just don’t want her to meet me and decide that I am a disappointment, that the person she spent such a long time researching, the person who I used to be, would make her disappointed because I am not him anymore.”

“James, you are and you will always be James Buchanan Barnes no matter the alias that was set for you or not, what HYDRA stole from you, your freedom, does not define who you were before or after the Winter Soldier, don’t let them take your future just because you are worried that people will still see you like the Winter Soldier, you have to understand that not everything revolves around that persona, okay? You are capable of going beyond if you just allow yourself to do it.”

Bucky was silent letting Xavier's words sink in, he was feeling much better now that he was hearing a word of reason at this time, Steve had been sent out on a quick mission overnight and he wouldn’t be back until later in the afternoon, he heard Xavier clear his throat before snapping him out of his mind.

“Now I am very curious about this girl you were mentioning, it seems that this person is the reason why you are feeling like this, and I can assume since you did show me the video that she is the one who fell at the end was it not?”

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“Well James, it’s currently too early in the morning you need your rest and it seems that this is something we will have to talk about when we are in the right state of mind, so let’s leave this conversation for our session on Saturday?”

“That sounds like a good idea Doc.”

“Great then it’s set,” Bucky heard a snap that could only be Xavier's notebook, “ And James I would like to apologize in regards to my husband Eric’s behavior earlier he just got back from a job and the jet lag wasn’t the best for him.”

“It’s alright Doc don’t worry I understand I mean I would have reacted the same way if someone would have called me at that time as well.”

“Well then goodnight James, or should I say morning instead”

“Night Doc, thanks again,” Bucky said before he hanged up, on the tv, there was a show going, one of Steve’s favorite that Sam and he would usually watch together constantly when off-mission, a sitcom of sorts of a man and women living in the suburbs as they try to hide their identity from their neighbors, Bucky shut it off enveloping the room in darkness.

Bucky knew that whatever happened on Friday, he would do whatever it took to prove that he was and could be James Buchanan Barnes again.

*

“When you told me you were going to buy me some Ice-Cream, I didn’t realize it came with the price of you dragging me to go shopping with you.” You said as you watched MJ browse around the bottoms section, it was hot outside the hottest it has been in New York since the first time you had arrived here, but not as hot as how Texas got in the summer that’s for sure.

After what had happened with Trevor, Ned and Peter had taken upon themselves to become your own personal escorts walking you to class and anywhere they could, at first you thought it was sweet being very grateful for friends who would gladly give you support but now all you could think about was a way to get rid of them for even just a second so you could breathe.

Finally the time cam when Peter was summoned by Mr. Stark for an experiment and Betty had taken one for the team and forced Ned to take her on a date keeping him away from you as long as she could, so here you were with MJ following her around as she looked for an outfit for the school banquet coming up. Searching through the plus size racks a shimmering material caught your eye and you couldn't help the trill that went through your body thinking that you had found something that you like , taking it off the rack you pulled it up to look at the size letting out a huff you put the shirt back into the rack your mood soured overtly being fooled that something so nice cold be offered to someone your size, starting to walk away you turned back tacking the shirt off and depositing it on another much similar sizes at its own not wanting someone to feel the disappointment just like you.

MJ had her arms covered in clothes and you couldn’t help the small ball of jealousy that went through you before squashing it down, giving up on finding anything for yourself in this store. “Hey MJ,” you called to her as she headed towards the dressing rooms, she turned towards you the clothes seeming to weigh her down, so you ignored that looking only at her face, “I’m gonna head over to the thrift shop two doors down, head over there when you’re done choosing something.”

MJ gave a nod of acknowledgement before turning back to the dressing rooms, stepping out of the air conditioned store you put on your sunglasses blocking out the sun as much as you could before beginning your trek down the sidewalk, sidestepping busy pedestrian you couldn't help thinking about the upcoming event would some very special guest. The Avengers were not a group that you would have thought to meet, yet here you were just mere hours before you finally had the chance to interact with the most powerful and out-of-ordinary individuals out there.

Dodging a skateboarder as he zoomed past you finally arrived at your destination ushering into the air-conditioned building, you could practically hear your mother telling you that what you were doing rushing in and out of the heat was not good for your health. The other reason for accepting MJ’s offer to go shopping, besides the free ice cream, was because you were still looking for an outfit to wear you knew you would be working but at the same time interacting with them was a big part of it so you wanted to look your best, and maybe it also had to do with a certain sargeant who had set everything in motion, even though of course he saw you fall on your face.

You blushed at the memory going towards the plus size isle seeing a variety of clothing awaiting you and you couldn't help the calm feeling that went over you when you realised there was no reason for you to feel in any way of disappointment for what you found. As you continue browsing from the corner of your eye you saw two extremely fit and thin women come onto your section beginning to browse where you had left off. The clenching of your stomach was unintentional almost as if you were sucking it in trying to make it less noticeable you shifted around adjust your shirt away from your body trying to stretch it out as much as you could wishing it wasn't sticking so close to your body, you heard one of the girls laugh at something the other had said and your thoughts began to go crazy.

“They’re laughing at you, they can see you for what you are a fat and l-”

“Excuse me, Miss?” you snapped out of your thoughts a tremor going through you as you turned towards one of the girls who was close to you, she had a bright smile on her face as she looked at you.

“Oh my!” she exclaimed, “It is you, it’s so nice to meet you I’m a huge fan of your videos, Are you out here looking for something? Do you happen to have your skates with you?” Shaking your head you realise what she was saying, your videos those videos of you skating around New York and campus, you looked down at your beat up sneakers dreading the fact tht you didn't have your skates feeling naked without them you looked at the girl shaking your head at her, “Sorry left them at home.”

You hoped she would go away feeling uncomfortable as she stood next to you, your anxiety rising as you realised that she was tiny and well compared to her you were just too much. Her friend said something too low for you to hear but the girl laughed looking at you from the corner of her eye and your throat began to feel as if it was closing up feeling squeamish you began to shift back trying to get away without being rude, just as you were about to step away you heard another voice and you froze completely.

You knew that voice it had been mocking at you for the past weeks, his words at a constant repeat as you avoided your reflection in the mirror. Trevor rounded the corner coming to stand behind the two girls before he noticed you standing there, he looked shocked before he shook himself out of it turning to the girl had been speaking to you, “Meg, baby lets go I still have to pick up my order on the way home and I don’t want to be late.”

He looked back at you dragging his gaze down your body, staring straight at your exposed legs and you couldn't help but shift at how uncomfortable that look in his eyes felt. You grabbed your bag placing it in front of you trying to. hide yourself from his look hoping that anything could come and save you in that moment, looking over their shoulders you found MJ stalking towards you murder in her eyes and it was all focused on Trevor, he turned trying to see what had caught your eyes when he saw MJ he paled before he practically draged his girlfriend and her friend away trying to get out before MJ could get to him.

You couldn’t help the breath you let out sinking on the floor letting your heated skin cool with the cold floor, trying to calm yourself as you sucked in deep and controlled breaths looking up at MJ who kept her distance knowing that you would ask for her help if you needed it. Finally after what felt like a lifetime you rose up MJ looked like she wanted to pull you in but she stopped herself knowing that you hated being touched after you had an episode, “Come on she said let’s go and buy that ice cream.”

MJ walked towards the exit calm as she could be you shuffled behind her trying to hide yourself away after what had happened, you gave yourself a sardonic smile, who knew that the day you shoo away your bodyguards would be the day you met your nightmare. As you both walked through the streets you couldn’t help your thoughts from going wild, how could this have happened on such a day, you thought about calling your therapist but thought against it last time you had talked to Xavier he mentioned Eric coming into town so you didn’t want to bother them at the moment.

When you finally arrived MJ opened the door letting you go in first, she was typing so fast her focus solely on her phone that she almost ran into a customer as we maneuvered around trying to find an empty seat, you pulled her aside dragging her along as you shimmied her into a booth you turned to your side and squeezed yourself in the table moving trying to accommodate to your size, the blush that rose to your face showed your embarrassment but looking around you noticed nobody had payed attention to you, so you calmed down at that.

MJ finally put her phone down with a satisfied look in her eyes and you couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor bastard who her anger was directed to, the first person you thought of was Trevor and you couldn’t help the small giggle you let out. MJ realized the cause of your giggles and gave you a huge grin before her phone began to blow up as she ignored it.

“So I bought you something,” she said as she pulled up a bag from the floor holding it out, you grabbed it gingerly as you opened it up and saw the shirt you had picked up earlier at the store, you closed the bag afraid of taking it out, “I saw you look at it earlier and I asked one of the workers to see if they had one in your size and they did it was their very last one actually and I just knew I had to get it for you.”

You looked at MJ not believing her words as you opened the bag again taking out the shirt and looking at its size, you couldn’t help the tears that came to your eyes at the sheer luck you had in having friends like MJ and the others who went above and beyond for you.

“MJ this is amazing thank you so much for this. I love it.” You gave her a watery smile beyond happy at it, she beamed up at you happy that she was able to give you something to smile for.

“Yeah I think it will look lovely on you, and hey,” She said as she got up, “Maybe you’ll even be able to catch the attention of a certain Sergeant at the party.”

*

Bucky stood outside the rink with the others as they waited for Peter to show up, earlier that day Steve and Bucky had gone out to eat a diner close to their apartment when Natasha had shown up raging about how excited she was about tonight’s event. She talked about how Tony and her had made a bet to see who of all the avengers was most likely to fall first and who would be the first one to give up.

Now here they were late in the evening waiting for Peter to join them so they would be able to get inside. Peter’s other friends were by the door, but Bucky couldn’t see Bibi anywhere and he didn’t know if to be nervous or not. After a few minutes Peter finally arrived swinging down from a building close by he landed close to his friends bumping fist with one and kissing the other on the cheek before finally turning towards them.

“Right, okay are you guys ready Bibi is in there waiting in on us so if you wanna follow me,” He turned back to the door making a series of knocks that sounded like a passcode when in fact they were just random noises being produced, the door opened and a head popped out a look of annoyance clear on her face and Bucky couldn’t help but think of it as adorable, Natasha had sneaked close to him as Peter and Bibi exchanged banter at door elbowed him in the stomach making a big gesture towards bibi a huge grin plastered onto her face, Bucky gave her an annoyed look as he moved away from her to Steve’s side.

Peter and Bibi must have finished their little fight since she finally pushed the door open and spread out her arms in a grand gesture, “Welcome Avengers to our humble, ummm” She paused glaring back at a grinning Peter, the girl next to him elbowed him but the smile never left his face, “Right, Welcome to our humble rink where I will take you for the ride of your lives.”

Peter smirked at the end of the speech before sauntering in as the other Avengers snickered at your words as they followed you inside the building, Bucky took a deep breath trying to calm his rising heartbeat before following. The building was lit up when they walked in most of the group had spread out from either talking to Peter’s friends or getting some skates from Bibi who was manning the counter, Natasha headed his way again before grabbing his arm to drag him to the counter, “Take charge, Sarge” she said before depositing him in front of her.

Outside he hadn’t gotten an actual look at her outfit but he couldn’t help but to admire her now, a nice sparkly top complemented her he could see now that she was wearing some sparkly skates a mid length skirt flared out around her legs and Bucky fought hard to look away. When he finally looked at her she was giving him a shy smile that made Bucky’s heart give a stutter.

“What’ll be Sarge?”

Prt.4

[atlafan]

love take it slow, would you be willing to write something about you telling harry that you want him to meet your kid? and maybe the night ends with some smut🥺👀

a/n: this has been in my inbox for awhile, let’s see how this goes...Harry is 35 in this, and y/n is 32. This also turned into pure fluff, sorry no smut! 

The Kids Are Alright

You and Harry had been dating for a couple of months. It was nice having a man in your life again. Your divorce was ugly, to say the least. You had full custody of your kids, and it took over a year before you could make it so. You were finally in a place of stability that allowed you to start dating again.

You had met Harry completely by accident. He saw you struggling one morning on your walk to work. It had started pouring out of nowhere, and you had no umbrella. After just about everything fell out of your purse, he rushed over to you, holding his umbrella above the both of you and helped you with your things. He gave you his umbrella. He said you were dressed much nicer than he was, and you needed it more. You exchanged information after you insisted you get it back to him. The rest progressed from there. You hadn’t told Harry about your ex-husband or your two children. Although, he had his suspicions. You could only go out with him on Friday and Saturday nights, and you never stayed over at his place. 

You needed to make sure you could trust him before even thinking of telling him you had two kids, before you could even think about bringing him around to meet them. Harry just figured you were really busy, or that you had needy clients since you were a therapist. He was busy in his own right since he was an oral surgeon. 

Saturday night had become a regular date night for the two of you, and your kids were happy to see you so happy. They didn’t much care for their father, for good reason. 

“So, when do we get to have date night with this guy?” Your ten year old daughter asks you as she watches you put your jewelry on. 

“I’ve only been seeing him for a couple of months, Candace. It’s too soon for him to meet you and Ben.” You sigh and look at her. “In fact, tonight I’m finally telling him that I have kids.”

“Wait, you never told him about us?”

“No...I didn’t know if he’d run for the hills. I mean, he’s thirty-five, never been married and doesn’t have kids of his own. What if he doesn’t want that for himself?”

“How do you know he doesn’t have kids, he could be lying just like you.” She crosses her arms.

“I haven’t been lying...it just hasn’t come up. You’ll understand some day when you’re older.”

“That’s been your answer for a lot of things over the last couple of years.” She huffs and follows you out of the bedroom. 

The babysitter was already there, sitting downstairs with Ben. He had just turned eight a month or so ago. 

“Alright Rita, I should be home around eleven like usual.”

“Okay, have a great time!” 

You give both of your kids a hug and kiss, and out the door you go. You were meeting Harry at a nice Italian place. He was always taking you to nice places, but you didn’t mind. After having such a shit marriage, and a shit husband, you were happy to be pampered a bit. You meet him in the lobby of the restaurant and he greets you with a kiss on the cheek.

“Hi, gorgeous.” He gets a good look at you. “How was your day?”

“Good! Ran some errands, you know how Saturdays go.” You smile.

You both are seated and Harry orders a bottle of wine for the table. He looked tired. 

“Long week?”

“Sort of...took out four impacted wisdom teeth yesterday. Poor kid’s gonna be sore for a bit. It was a longer surgery than usual.” He shrugs. “But she’ll be alright. How was your week?”

“Long, had all my usual people, and a couple of newbies. All in all, good sessions. Only went through two boxes of tissues, don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

You both laugh. The wine is brought over for you both, and it’s poured into your glasses. You both order your dinners, and an appetizer. 

“Harry...I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you these last couple of months.”

“Same here, Y/N.” 

“I feel sort of childish asking this, but would you say I’m your girlfriend?” At the ripe age of 32, and having been someone’s wife, the word girlfriend sounded incredibly stupid to you, but here you were. 

“I would.” He smiles. “That’s what I’ve been telling people anyways.”

“Aw, you tell people about me.” 

“Hard not to when you go into work with a hickey on your neck.”

“Oh my god.” You blush. “That one from a couple weeks ago? I’m sorry, I can’t even remember the last time I did that to someone, and-”

“Relax, babe, I’m only teasing.” He places his hand over yours. “Suppose I was goin’ to ask about our status soon too. Nice to know we’re on the same page.” You nod at him. 

Your food is brought over, and it’s delicious. You both enjoy more pleasant conversation. It was nice not having to talk about homework, or whatever else you would talk with other parents about. Although, now that your kids were a little older, you enjoyed the conversations you’d have with them regularly. 

“Care to come back to my place for a bit after dinner? I picked up that cheesecake you like so much for dessert.”

“I’d love that! I’ll follow you there.” 

You drive to Harry’s apartment. Sometimes you wondered why he didn’t just buy a house, but you figured he didn’t need all that space. And he did work a lot, a house would be too much to care of by himself. The home you have now is one you bought only two years ago. You refused to stay in the home where everything went down with your husband. Harry’s place was nice, anyways. Two bedroom, two bath, and plenty of space to spread out. 

You sit down on his couch while he brings more wine over, and a plate with a piece of cheesecake to share. 

“Been looking forward to seein’ yeh all week, you know?”

“That’s sweet of you to say.” You kiss his cheek and take a sip of wine. 

“Would you like to spend the night tonight? I like what we do when we’re doin’ it, but it would also just be nice to have you here to hold onto all night.”

“I can’t do that, I’m sorry.” You sigh and take your phone out. “It’s not that I don’t want to spend the full night with you...”

“So then why do you always leave? Are you allergic to Sunday brunch?” You can’t help but laugh. “I’ve never been able to make you my pancakes. I make really good pancakes.”

“God, my kids love pancakes.” Both of your eyes grow wide when you look at each other.

“Kids?”

“Yes...” You show him a picture of the three of you on your phone. “That’s my daughter, Candace, she’s ten, and that’s Ben, he just turned eight.”

“Ah, so that was the birthday party you had to go to last month.”

“Mhm.” He looks at you.

“Well, they’re really cute.” He chuckles. “A little older than I would’ve expected. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I don’t know, this is all so new. I mean, I’ve been a single mom for nearly four years, you’re the first guy I’ve dated in a long time. And you’re...I mean...do you have secret kids?”

“No.” He laughs. “Never been married either. I’m assuming you have?”

“Yeah...we separated and then divorced. Like I said it was four years ago, and I just only got full custody over my kids a year ago. Their father is a shithead, they didn’t want to be near him. They dreaded every weekend they had to spend with him, and I hated sending him, but legally there wasn’t much I could do. I swear he only fought me on the custody just to spite me. Obviously we were sort of young when I got pregnant with Candace. Everything has worked out, thank god. Luckily I’m good at my job so I keep us afloat. The reason I don’t stay over is because I couldn’t very well ask the sixteen year old girl who babysits for me to watch them all night.” 

“No, I suppose that would be a bit weird.” He smirks. “Got any family nearby? They could always watch ‘em right?”

“Harry.” You roll your eyes and swat a hand at him. “So...it doesn’t freak you out that I’m a mom?”

“Not at all! So, your ex is completely out of the picture?” 

“Completely. He moved across the country, nothing to keep him here now. He sends the kids birthday and holiday cards, that’s about the only contact I allow him to have with them. And to answer your question, my parents only live an hour or so away, and they do visit a good chunk. But I certainly couldn’t ask them to take them for a weekend for the sole reason of staying over at my boyfriend’s house.” 

“No, I guess you’d need a better excuse than that.” He laughs. 

“So how come you’re thirty-five and you never settled down?”

“I put school and work above a lot of things. Think my last serious relationship was nearly three years ago, and she got sick of waitin’ f’me.” He shrugs. “Dated here and there, but I haven’t been anyone’s boyfriend in awhile.”

“But you’d like to be mine?”

“Yeah, I like you a lot.” He smiles. 

“Good, because I like you a lot too.” He cups your cheek in his hand.

“Well, if you’re not spendin’ the night, can I take yeh to the bedroom now so I can at least have some time to just lay with you after.”

“I’d like that.” 

You were piss drunk the first time you had sex with Harry. You couldn’t help it. You hadn’t had sex in a very long time, well other than with your dildo, but that’s besides the point. You weren’t sure if you would feel tight for him, but after about the third time he said it to you, you had to believe him that you were, in fact, plenty tight. 

Sex with him not was a lot less scary. You enjoyed it very much, and so did he. Your bodies just had a way of connecting. It was something you hadn’t had in a very long time.

//

“How was your date Mrs. Y/L/N?”

“Honey, I’ve told you it’s Miss, I’m not a Mrs.”

“Sorry.” 

“It’s alright. And it was good, he’s a good man.” You give her fifty dollars and out she goes. 

The next morning you make pancakes for your kids and they’re far too excited about it. 

“Mum, you haven’t made pancakes in forever, what’s the occasion?” Candace asks, dumping a ton of syrup over them.

“Easy with that! Save some for your brother. And there’s no occasion, I just remembered how much you both like pancakes.” You shrug and sit down between them. 

“Mmm, these are so good mumma, thanks.” Ben says. You loved that he still called you mumma. He was such a love-bug. 

“So, how was your date with the oral surgeon?”

“It was good, honey. He’s actually my boyfriend now.”

“Oh, you’ve made it official?!”

“Mhm.” You smile as you take a bite of your food. “And he didn’t wanna run away when I told him about the two of you.”

“When can we meet him?” Ben asks. 

“I’m not sure...even though I’m his girlfriend now I’d like to wait on that I think. I’d hate to bring someone into your lives and then have it not work out.” 

“Did he say if he had kids or was ever married?” Candace asks.

“He’s never been married, and doesn’t have kids of his own. But he really didn’t seem freaked out about you two. He was more so surprised that you weren’t younger. Suppose it would’ve been harder to keep two toddlers a secret.” You laugh. 

“You always tell us never to keep secrets.” Ben says. “How come you get to?”

“Because sometimes when you’re adult, you need to withhold certain things from other adults. You’ll understand when-”

“When we’re older, Jesus Christ.”

“Candace! We don’t speak like that at the table.”

“What? It’s not like I said the f-word.”

“God, help me.” You sigh. 

//

A few more months pass, and you’re feeling really good about things with Harry. You even manage to spend a couple nights with him on the various weekends the kids are with your parents. You two were snuggled up on his couch watching a movie when he paused it.

“I’ve never been to your place, never even picked you up for a date.”

“I know.”

“Well? How ‘bout we start doin’ that. I hate how after dinner we never get to drive together.”

“It’s just...the kids would see you picking me up.”

“And?” He sighs. “Listen, I’ve been thinking...what if it was time I met them? We’ve been together for like six months, I think it makes sense.” 

“You really want to?”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re a part of my life now, and they’re a part of yours.” 

“Sure...I know they wanna meet you. Guess I’ve been the one holding it up.”

“They’ve been okay with you dating?”

“I think if they loved their father they’d act like most kids and hate to see me move on, but they can’t stand him, so they’re happy for me.”

“It’s none of my business, but-”

“He used to beat on us, all of us. I’d get in the way to spare them, but it was no use if they got home before I did. It was awful, I did everything I could to get out of there, and eventually I did.”

“Oh, Y/N, I’m so sorry.” He caresses your cheek and you lean into his touch.

“It was a long time ago.” You feel tears prick at your cheeks. “I’ll never be able to understand how someone could their babies, or how the courts didn’t give me full custody right away. He’d only beat on us when he was drunk, and he did stop drinking, but I still didn’t trust him. He tried to prove he was a good father, but it was all rubbish.” You sigh. “It’s all in the past now.” You give him a reassuring smile. “I’ll talk to them, maybe we could have you over for a little lunch in the backyard. The kids love when I fire up the grill.”

“That sounds great! What are they into? Like, what are their hobbies?” 

“Well, Candace is a mix. She loves theater and singing, but she also loves soccer, and getting her hands dirty. Ben loves to paint. He absolutely loves his crafts. He likes to play outside, but he couldn’t be bothered with sports. Used to go right up his father’s ass. Candace plays softball too. I feel terrible, I haven’t had much time to play catch with her lately. Luckily, it’s soccer season right now, so she’s not too mad at me about it. Ben plays goalie for her in the backyard, and it works for them.”

“They’re close?”

“They weren’t when they were younger, but they stood by each other when we were going through everything. They’re not best friends, but you can really see the love between them. It’s wonderful.” 

“I like the theater too, actually. I enjoy a good show once in a while.”

“Really?”

“Oh, sure. I acted a bit in school.” 

You could see the wheels turning in Harry’s head.

“Please don’t feel like you need to do anything to impress them. Just be yourself. They were already so amazed that a man gave me his umbrella.” You chuckle.

“I’m nothing if not a gentleman.” He winks at you. “Well, only in the streets.”

He lifts you up of the couch, and you squeal as he takes you to his bedroom.

//

“How was your weekend with Gram and Pop?” You ask the kids as you drive them back home.

“It was so much fun, Gram got us that cereal that you don’t let us have.” Ben says.

“Oh, that one loaded with sugar that you don’t need first thing in morning? That’s spectacular.” You roll your eyes. 

“Did you see Mr. Styles while we were gone?” Candace asks. 

“I did.” The two look at each other. “He asked me if he could meet the two of you soon.”

“He did?!” 

“Mhm, so I told him I would ask the two of you.”

“Well, you know we wanna meet him mumma.” Ben says. 

“Yeah, bring him over.” 

“Alright, I told him we could do a little lunch out back, do a little grilling. Would you both like that?”

“Yes!” They say in unison. 

//

On Saturday around noon, Harry arrives at your house. He thought it was lovely. You gave him instructions to go right around back, so he does so.

“Hello?” He says as he opens the gate. 

“Harry!” You say walking up to him. “Find it okay?” You both kiss quick, and you walk him further into the yard.

“Yeah, it was a really easy drive.” 

He looks around and sees a swing-set, a little net to play soccer with, and a patio with a lovely glass table and chairs. You see he has a couple of bags with him.

“I brought some soda...do you give them soda? I suppose I should’ve asked first.”

“I give it to them on special occasions, suppose this is one of them.” You smile and take it from him, setting it on the table. “I just sent them in to wash up. They were rolling around in the dirt.” 

Candace and Ben walk outside and are stunned when they see Harry. Candace noticed his curls, and quite liked the style of glasses he was wearing. Ben was mesmerized by the tattoos that littered his arms. He wasn’t at all like they pictures, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Tattoos didn’t automatically mean bad. Their father was a bad person and didn’t have a single tattoo. 

“Kids, come say hello, don’t just stand there like statues.” You laugh. Candace extends her arm to shake his hand.

“Hi Mr. Styles, it’s nice to meet you.” 

“How polite.” He smiles and takes her hand. “Feel free to call me Harry if you feel comfortable with that.” 

“Hello.” Ben shakes his hand next. 

“It’s great to meet yeh both. Your mum has told me so much about you. All good things I promise.” The two giggle. “Um...I brought some things for the two of you.”

“Oh, Harry, you didn’t have to...”

“I know.” He reaches into the bag and crouches to Ben’s level. “Mum told me you liked to paint and do crafts, so I got you one of these water color sets. They’re really cool. My niece likes ‘em a lot, thought you might too.” He looks up at you. “And they don’t make a mess.” 

Ben takes it from him, amazed that an adult man was being nice about his hobbies. 

“What do we say, Ben?” 

“Thank you very much.” He beams at Harry. “Mumma, can I open it now?” 

“Sure.” You shrug. “Let me just fill a glass of water for you, you can sit at the patio table.” You get him set up while Harry speaks to Candace. 

“Now, your mum told me you have a ton of hobbies, but mostly you haven’t had someone to play catch with, so I dug up my old mit.” He takes it out of the bag. “It’s for baseball, but figured it could still do the trick.” He takes a brand new softball out of the bag. “What do yeh say? We could toss it around while your mum gets lunch together.”

“I’d love to!” She snatches the ball from him. “Thanks, this is like the best brand out there.” She looks at you and gives you a thumbs up. You laugh as you fire up the grill. 

You smile as you watch Ben use his new water color set, and smile even more while you watch Candace toss the ball with Harry. 

“You know, if you step into it a bit more...” He puts a hand on his hip. “And if you, like, do you mind if I show you?”

“Okay.” 

He jobs over to her. 

“So...you wanna look where you’re throwing, right? And you’re doin’ that, but you’re releasing it back here, it should be when you get here. And if you step and throw, you could really get a more precise thing goin’.”

“I’ve only played one season, and the coach never showed us stuff like this, thanks!”

Harry jogs back to his spot, and Candace does exactly what he said, throwing it to him perfectly. 

“Amazing! You’re a fast learner, Candace.” 

“Way to go honey! She likes playing second base, any tips on that?”

“Oh, tons.”

“I’m not too good at batting either.”

“Well good thing we’ve got plenty of time to get you ready for the season. By the time I’m done with yeh the coach’ll be puttin’ yeh in first every game.” 

“Candace, go wash your hands again, it’s time for lunch.”

“But we’re having so much fun.” She whines.

“You can play more after. Come on, we all need to go wash up.” 

You take Harry inside, and show him to the kitchen where he can wash his hands. You tell him you’ll give him the full tour later. Lunch goes really well. The kids tell Harry all about school. He was so natural with them, it put you at ease. After lunch, Harry continued to help Candace with her softball skills. At a certain point you told her that was enough, and that she should play with her brother. You and Harry sit as the two of them played on the swing-set. 

“This has been a lot of fun, Y/N.”

“Really? Oh, I’m so glad. I think they really like you.”

“I like them too.”

//

Harry started coming over for dinner when he could. The kids really liked having him around. When it had been about a year of the two of you dating, you and the kids asked Harry to move in with you. He liked your home quite a bit, so it didn’t take much for him to agree. 

“Can I ask you something?” He says as you’re both settling into bed. 

“Of course.” 

“Ben asked me to come to his career day...are you alright with that?”

“Yeah! I think he wants us to go together. It’s been on my calendar for a while.”

“I told him I’d make it work, but...what’s he supposed to call me? S’not like I’m his dad...or his step-dad...”

“Your his Harry.” You smile. 

“Do you think you’d ever want to be married again?”

“Maybe, if the right guy came along.” You nudge him. 

“Very funny.” He rolls his eyes. “M’serious, I mean we’ve been together over a year, and we haven’t really talked about it. I live here now, I’m in their lives...”

“I don’t want you to feel like you need to marry me to seal the deal.”

“I don’t feel that way. I want to marry you because I love you.” 

“And I love you.” 

“Alright, so maybe I’ll ask you soon.” He grins, and now you’re the one to roll your eyes. “I have another question...so I love bein’ an uncle, and I’ve loved steppin’ into this fatherly role with Candace and Ben. It’s honestly something I never saw for myself. Do you think you’d ever want more?” Your face falls.

“I physically can’t have more...I had to have a hysterectomy a few years back.”

“Ah.”

“Is that okay? I mean did you want your own kids?”

“Don’t phrase it like. I do have my own kids...and no, I don’t really want, like, a baby. I honestly don’t think I’d have the time to care for an infant.” 

“Me neither. I’m sort of relieved you’re okay with it. I know I’m still young enough to have a baby, I feel like I finally have my life back. Babies are cute and wonderful, and I enjoyed that time with them so much, but I’m over that time in my life. I can actually have real conversations with them now, you know?” 

“I’m really glad we’re on the same page.” 

“Me too.” 

//

About six months later, Harry proposed and you accepted. You both wanted a small wedding. You had a very simple ceremony in your back yard with only close friends and family. The kids had gotten into the habit of calling Harry, Dad. Sometimes they would switch on and off, but Dad mostly stuck. He liked the sound of it a lot. 

You had made sure to sign every form you could to Harry had permissions at school to pick the kids up and drop them off. All their teachers knew Candace and Ben had a step-father. 

Harry was full engrossed in the kids lives. He became Candace’s softball coach, and all the kids loved him. You had never seen Candace play so well. He also made sure to support all of Ben’s school art shows. For a guy that didn’t want to be a father, he was kicking butt at being a good one. 

Around Candace’s twelfth birthday, you and Harry had decided on something very important, and it was time to share it with the two of them.

“We never have family meetings, this is weird.” Candace says as her and Ben sit on the couch. 

“Well, that’s because there’s something mum and I want to tell you.” He clears his throat. “So...even though we’re married, and that makes me your step-father, legally that really doesn’t mean much. I’m not considered a true guardian. And even though the school knows I’m your step-dad, I’ve still run into some issues here and there. Your mum and I work a lot, and we each need to be able to dismiss you easily or whatever it is.” He takes a packet of paper out of his back pocket. “Also...I’ve been in your lives for nearly three years...and I consider myself to be more than just your step-dad, wouldn’t you both agree?”

“Yeah, obviously. We call you dad all the time. Whenever someone asks who you are I just say you’re my dad.”

“I do the same thing.” Ben says. 

“Right, so...we thought we’d make that official.” He hands Candace the papers. 

“Certificate of Adoption?” She looks up at the two of you. 

“It’s taken us some time to get this all together, but it’s legal now.” You explain. 

“I’ve adopted the two of you, hope that’s okay.” 

They both stand and hug Harry immediately. If something were to ever happen to you, you’d want them with Harry. Your parents were great and all, but you wouldn’t want them ripped away from their father. 

“Are you serious?” Candace asks teary eyed. “You really love us that much?”

“I love you both more than anything. You two are my kids, and I won’t have someone tellin’ me you’re not.” 

The truth was, there were a ton of parents who liked to gossip about the two of you. Ever since Harry came into your life and things got more serious. You wouldn’t look at him and know he was such one of the most sought after oral surgeons in the area. When he started coaching Candace’s softball team, that was when the gossip got even worse. The two of you couldn’t stand it any longer. It also warmed your heart that Harry truly thought of Candace and Ben as his own. Because of Harry you were able to give them a normal life again. 

“So now that his is official, I have a question.” Ben says. “If we’re your kids does that mean our last names can be Styles now too? I mean, mum’s is.” 

It was true, you had heightened your last name. You didn’t even do that with your last husband. You were a doctor and you earned that title, why should his name be attached to that? But with Harry, well, you just like the way that sounded.

“You both want my last name?”

“Yes.” They say at the same time. He looks at you. 

“I think we can make that work. It really doesn’t make sense for you to have his last name anymore, does it?” They both shake their heads no. “We really should all have the same last name.”

“I agree.” 

The two of them high five each other. 

“Now then.” You wipe a couple of tears away. “Go put on some nice clothes, we’re going out to eat tonight to celebrate.” 

The two race upstairs while Harry wraps his arms around you. 

“So, Mrs. Y/L/N-Styles, I’d say that went pretty well.”

“Mhm, can you believe they want to be Styles’ too?”

“How could they not? S’a pretty cool name.” 

You kiss each other and wait for them to come back down. You never in your wildest dreams would’ve thought you’d get a second chance at a happy life. Harry was everything you needed and more. You were incredibly grateful and lucky. And to think, if you had simply had your umbrella that day on the street, none of this would be yours. 

[timmyteehill]

Discord Thread || Antoni&Tee-01

Discord text thread featuring: Tee & @antonirenaldi

When: 2nd April 2021

Mentions: N/A​

Description: Tee and Tony meet up in person for the first time before the other starts working at his therapy clinic. Tony tells him about his divorce.

Trigger Warnings: talk of divorce

Antoni.

The last time Antoni had spoken with Timothy Hill, he'd been a happily married man en route to a bigger city for a bigger life. Now, as he nursed a whiskey and waited for his boss to arrive, he felt like a completely different person, needing to remind himself that he was just as capable of doing his job now as he had been a few weeks before. It wasn't as though he'd been hired for his home-life, he assured himself, swallowing the last of his self-doubt with a sip of his drink. And if this doesn't work out, you'll just go back home - whatever that means. Spotting a familiar face approaching his table, Antoni stood, forcing a smile and extending a hand. "There he is. How are things?" 

Tee

Tee couldn’t be prouder of the way his clinic was going. The number of clients were increasing and they all had great things to say about the service offered. It was going well enough that he needed to hire more people to help him out although maybe that wasn’t that surprising considering the drama and issues everyone living in Kingsboro seemed to have. Antoni was the perfect candidate and he did amazingly in their online interview so it was no hardship for Tee to offer him a job at Wellbeing Therapeutics. Although they chatted during their online interview and over the phone a few times, he was still excited to actually meet him in person. Tee saw the other sitting at one of the tables as soon as he walked in and he made his over. Antoni looked friendly enough but something seemed different than when he interviewed him, although Tee couldn’t put his finger on what. “It’s great to finally meet you in person”, he smiled, shaking his hand before taking a seat. “Things are pretty great, everything’s in full swing to welcome you on board.” 

Antoni.

“Definitely,” he agreed, sitting when Tee did. He liked the man’s demeanor, a refreshing change from the vastly older, borderline stodgy men he’d worked under in the past. He’d been a little surprised at just how young his new boss was, but everything had pointed to it being a positive thing; they’d developed an easy banter, and Antoni didn’t feel a constant need to assert or prove himself. “That’s great. I’ve looked into all the files, and I feel prepped for the new clients.” Everything was perfect, except for the small fact that - A server came by for Tee’s drink order, interrupting Tony’s line of thinking. When she left, he added, “The menu here looks great. You like this place?”

Tee

Tee knew that it wasn’t common to find someone his age already with his own therapy clinic but it was one of the perks of having rich parents who supported his dreams and endeavors. It wasn’t uncommon for others in his sector to look down on him for his age though. Like that guy he interviewed before Antoni who pursed his lips in judgement when he saw Tee was the one interviewing him and tried to pass him off as a joke. That was probably one of the reasons him and Antoni hit it off so well from the get go. If the other was uncomfortable over his age, he never showed it. “That’s great. The clinic keeps growing every day with more people calling for appointments so me and another psychologist aren’t really enough to keep it going on our own. I was thinking of eventually hiring other professionals like speech and occupational therapists but one thing at a time”, he joked, knowing it was best not to get too ahead of himself. Tee ordered himself a drink when the server came by, and was grateful when they didn’t make a big deal in front of Antoni. Most of the people working at Urban Cajun were like a family to him and treated him as such but they also knew when he was at a professional dinner and kept their boundaries. “I love the menu here, I’m a huge seafood lover. I feel like I kind of have to say that I love it, even if I hated it though or my mum would have my head.” It was best to get it out there instead of having the other find out on his own. “My parents kind of own this place.” 

Antoni.

“Oh, hey, that’s great. My son actually sees a speech therapist, and it’s been really beneficial. They were thinking he maybe didn’t have strong enough muscles in his cheeks to form certain words? They had us give him ice water with lemon to get him to learn how to pucker his lips, and now he’s pretty much at his 24-month milestones. It’s great, all the techniques they have.” Antoni took up a menu, although he’d already perused it while he’d waited for Tee, listening as the man spoke. He looked up at the new information, dark brows raised in appreciation. “Really? That must be awesome, how long have they had it? I’m huge on seafood too, there’s this place on the coast we go every summer ...” His voice trailed off and the bright expression on his face fell a bit. “Actually, speaking of families, I should probably give you an update.” 

Tee

Tee had some basic knowledge when it came to speech impediments but definitely not enough to be able to offer solutions and techniques so he always ended up referring his clients to a speech therapist friend of his. It would be so much better to have one working at the clinic so that all of the services could be offered under one roof but this sort of thing took time and planning. He wanted to see for himself that Antoni was settling in nicely before he would even consider recruiting anyone else. "You're right, and you know what they say. This sort of sector is multidisciplinary and we all have to work together in order to reach the final goal." Tee nodded, smiling a little shyly. Not everyone took the news that his parents were successful business owners very well, especially when they figured out that was the reason why he could afford to open his own clinic at such a young age. "I think they've had this place for close to twenty-one years at this point. They started off with this one in Kingsboro then gradually started opening up in more places." Tee noticed the way Antoni's expression shut down and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Okay...what's up?"

Antoni.

“Well, it’s - nothing that will affect my job performance, I can assure you,” except for the lack of sleep and the noticeable increase in my drinking habits a darker part of his mind amended, but Antoni pushed on. “My wi- uh, Gabrielle ... didn’t make the move with me. We’re separated, and we’ve begun divorce proceedings.” The words sounded foreign in his mouth, and he washed down the taste of them with another swig of whiskey. “She’s in Boston, with Luca. I’ll need to leave on Friday afternoons to either spend the weekends there or bring him back with me, and then returning on Sundays. I’m fine with front loading my appointments towards the beginning of the week to make up for the later half of Friday, if that’s alright with you.” He hated the way his circumstances painted him. He felt like a failure, and realized he hadn’t been meeting the man’s eyes. 

Tee

Tee could tell that their conversation had taken on a serious note but he wasn't sure what he was expecting. Especially when Antoni said it wasn't something that was going to affect the way he carried out his job. Whatever it was, he definitely wasn't expecting the other to tell him that he and his wife were getting divorced. It's not like Tee knew much about his private life; their interview was meant to discuss work-related issues and Tee was never really the kind of person to pry but Antonu had mentioned being happily married and having a son. He even mentioned how the whole family was excited to make the move to Kingsboro after Tee contacted him to let him know he got the job. So to be told that from the last time they talked to now things had gotten so bad that the couple had already begun divorce proceedings...it shocked him. "Shit." It was the first thing that came to mind and he couldn't hold back the curse. This wasn't something that Tee could relate to. While he's had his fair share of relationships ending badly, he was never married but he could imagine that if he was going through something like that, he wouldn't appreciate others making a big deal out of it. "Don't worry about appointments. If you want to take on less clients to give you more liberty to come and go...we'll figure something out." 

Antoni.

"Oh, no," Antoni countered, waving a hand in the air as if to brush away the smoke from the bomb he'd just dropped into Tee's lap. "Less clients doesn't seem necessary. Work will probably be a welcome distraction." He tried to smile, but it was thin and tight. "I'd like to do what I came here to do, if that's still alright with you." Thankfully, a waitress appeared tableside to see if they'd decided on dinner, and Tony felt the tension in his shoulders lessen a bit. "I'll have whatever he's having," he quipped, handing over his menu. "I have a feeling he knows what's good here."  

Tee

Tee wasn't sure if the other was actually being honest or if this was his way of trying to make a good impression on his new employer. Giving him fewer clients wouldn't be a problem. Tee might never have been married but he knew first hand how much a breakup could hurt, especially if it came out of the blue. Pushing Antoni wouldn't be a good idea, especially about something which was probably a very sensitive subject so he just nodded and dropped it. "Whatever you want." Handing over the menu which he hadn't even opened, Tee smiled at their server. "I'll have the soup of the day to start with and the spaghetti seafood." 

[artificialqueens]

I Got Nothing (But My Aching Soul) (Crygi) - Katy

A/N: please please read the trigger warnings before reading. I in no way am attempting to romanticise eating disorders, I suffer from them myself. Xx

Gigi doesn’t have an eating disorder, or a problem with food, or whatever other romanticised term you want to use.

The number on the scales represents her commitment; her dedication to her artistry, how far she was willing to take it. She tells herself there’s nothing wrong with being a workaholic. Crystal tells her she needs paid leave and a vacation from her brain.

Her ritual was the same every morning, whilst Crystal was still asleep in bed, Gigi would quietly roll out of Crystal’s bear-like hold, close and lock the bathroom door, and strip. It’s just so the number’s accurate, she tells herself, and not like the extra 0.1g of her keeping her shorts on would send her into a mental breakdown.

She’s 6’2” and a hundred and fourteen pounds of shame.

The shower’s cold but Gigi’s blood runs colder. She’s sobbing, hoping that science got it wrong and that tears can shed calories. Crystal had made her breakfast, given her a hug before gently encouraging Gigi to eat at least half of the contents of the bowl. Every bite was akin to a gunshot, but at least that pain was visible on the outside.

If eating a spoonful of muesli was a bullet, then her body was a warzone. Crystal told her that her skin was the same colour as a milk bottle, but at least they had a small waist. She wore ‘blanket couture’- Gigi’s new fashion line consisting of dozens of fluffy blankets wrapped around her in some sort of sarong style dress, trying to keep herself warm. Her once voluminous, brunette hair fell out in clumps when damp and Gigi would flush it down the toilet once she’d finished brushing it. It was symbolic of something, she was sure. Maybe her soul leaving her body, but maybe just her dinner.

The thrill of Gigi’s corset being too big to reasonably cinch her in anymore made her cry of happiness. Crystal sat in the bathroom and cried too.

She was a worrier by heart, a carer by nature. There wasn’t a bad bone in Crystal’s body and Gigi cared about her in a way she would never care about herself. She didn’t know how to help her girlfriend. She wasn’t a nutritionist, or a therapist but she was filled with patience and kindness and could only hope that it was enough.

Gigi started walking to her gigs, her suitcase full of drag the only thing keeping her upright, the only standing between her and the floor. She loved the club; vodka was lower in calories than anything Crystal forced into her mouth, and she could easily blame the puking on it too. Dancing burnt up her body fat, and she’d walk home in the early hours of the morning with a warm heart and an empty stomach.

99 pounds was the goal. The double digits excited her. She’d be happy then.

It was early evening on a Friday in late March when Crystal got the call. She dropped her phone on her foot and ran out to her car with no shoes on. Her hands shook as she grasped the wheel, praying to any god that would listen.

She found her on the pavement about 6 miles from the club. Her skin was deathly blue, the ice that had built up in her digestive system for not being used in so long was seeping out of her veins. Her jaw was sharp enough to cut her thighs open, eyes sunken into her gaunt face. Gigi was also covered in her own puke, but that was the least of Crystal’s worries as she scooped her up, a wretched whimper leaving her throat when she lifted Gigi with absolute ease into the back of the car.

They sat in the bath together, Crystal holding Gigi with force; scared she’d slip under. She couldn’t even hold her own head up, it lulled drowsily on Crystal’s chest as she cleaned her girlfriend up. She wrapped Gigi in a towel, almost losing her cool when it wrapped twice around her body with room to spare, and sat her down carefully on the bed.

Crystal talked. Gigi cried. Crystal also cried.

Crystal wrapped her up, held her tight in her arms, rocked her soothingly to calm the mania bouncing through her veins.

Gigi puked a couple more times into her own lap, screaming and jostling violently when Crystal had to put her down to grab a towel.

She laid Gigi down, drowned her in blankets, scared that she’d freeze to death overnight and held her like it was the last time.

Lana Del Rey’s Young and Beautiful played as they left the church. It was raining, because of course it was, and Crystal’s black dress shone with wet droplets from the sky.

It’s okay, Geeg. No more tears.

[euphoric-melancholyy]

Manual Override

A/N: Written for the wonderful @blondsak for the irondad fic exchange!! She actually gave me this idea and I like to think I twisted it and made it my own. Angst and fluff ahead friends.

Also on Ao3

“FRIDAY has already scanned the area. There’s no civilians. Give me the mission rundown.” Tony says. He’s hovering above a rooftop with Peter, surrounded by dusty warehouses that look like they haven’t been visited in at least two decades. It’s a low grade mission for Iron Man, but he’s been trying to train Peter more. He’d been tipped off that more of Toomes weapons were being sold here, and Peter has seemed to make it his personal responsibility to keep them off the streets since The Vulture fiasco.

“Okay I swing in while you stand guard out here. The tracker said the computer that we want to hack into is somewhere in the middle of the building. We just have to get to it first. So, we take out the guys, or girls - girls can be super villains too! - guarding it, and then have FRIDAY or Karen download all the info. And then, get out and bust the bad guys. Easy peasy.” Peter smiles, fingers drumming against his leg in anticipation. 

“I think you’ve got it. Let’s go. You’re gonna do great, kid,” he says, trying to encourage Peter in a way he never was as a child. Or even an adult. He really doesn’t want to mess this up, whatever this is. 

Pepper had immediately coined it as co-parenting over dinner one night, much to Tony's denial. 

("So you're co-parenting the kid now?" she’d quipped, her brow raising as she suppressed a laugh. 

"No. I'm not a parent. A co-parent or a co--"

"You spent dinner last night telling me about his chemistry project and academic decathlon meets. The only other person you talk about more is yourself."

"Not true."

Her amused smile turned smug as she cast her gaze to the ceiling. "FRIDAY?"

There was a pause as the A.I. gathered her data. "In the past 5 months, you have talked about Peter 40% more than anyone else. Most of your conversations with Happy Hogan revolve around Peter Parker as well."

"That doesn't prove anything."

"You picked him up from school, Tony. Because he was sick."

"I was being a responsible mentor. "

"Parent."

"Mentor."

"Fine, live in denial. Tell May I said hi at your monthly dinner where you talk about your kid.") 

Tony smiles at the memory. And yes, maybe he had bought back the tower on impulse after Karen called him while Spider-Man was half out of his mind with pain and a knife wedged six inches into his leg. And if he thought the sight of blood seeping profusely from the wound was awful, it was nothing compared to his mentee's muffled cries as he held him against his chest during the flight over. After that, Tony had upped his training. Which brings them here. He’s brought out of his reverie with the sound of said kid quietly singing “Private Eyes” to himself. Under his mask, Tony smiles as he sighs. 

“How stealthy of you, Spider-Man.” 

Peter mutters an apology, but continues to hum the song at a lower volume. A few minutes pass before he speaks up. “I found it! It’s not even guarded. Okay, Karen, just do your thing.” A beat. “Okay, Mr. Stark. It’s downloading. I’ll just...wait here.” 

"Boss. I think -" FRIDAY stops mid sentence, her constant, faint humming silencing completely. He calls out for her, and nothing happens. He calls for Peter and Spider-Man. Nothing. His stomach drops, a panic coiling it’s way up his throat, constricting his airwaves and he has to get out, has to help Peter, Peter --

"Confused, Stark?" A voice taunts into his comm. It’s an older, male voice, raspy and definitely not the voice he was wanting to hear. "Just consider me an old friend.” 

“You’re not FRIDAY,” Tony bites. It’s not, and as he says it he realizes shit, FRIDAY is gone. He racks his brain for anything, any sort of recognition or plan. This voice, it’s not entirely foreign. He’s heard it before somewhere, he knows. He’s had to. He’s --

“I always knew arrogance would be your downfall, Anthony. Thinking no one could ever replicate or hack your tech. Though I gotta admit, this suit is incredibly impressive. Who knew I’d have this much fun watching your vitals? The way your panic is increasing every time I speak, it’s just pure joy. I mean, I didn’t plan to take you out via heart attack, but can you imagine the headlines? Scaring Iron Man to death. Now that’s a feat.” 

“How the fuck did you even hack my suit?” 

“It was easy as soon as you hacked into my system. Getting you here was laughably easy, too. I can’t believe you fell for that whole Toomes weapon bullshit. And now, I own you.”

“Like hell you do,” Tony spits. But as soon as he says it, he realizes he can’t leave the suit. He’s trapped, a powerlessness seeping in that he hasn’t felt since Obie ripped his arc reactor out or since he watched Pepper fall into a fiery explosion. He swallows past the lump in his throat, breathing in and out twice, praying to whatever god or gods that Peter stays hidden. As if mocking him, the voice says.

“It's a pity that Spider nuisance has to suffer too. Seems smart, young. Is that how you like them, Stark?"

Dread pools in his gut, burning hot and wrathful. He tries to move, but the suit remains still. Stuck. Trapped in his own creation.

"You touch him and I'll gut you from the inside out," Tony spits.

"Oh I wouldn't dare. You will though." 

Tony's blood runs cold. Against his will, he flies through the window, shattering it. Spider-Man is a few rooms over. Tony stares, terrified, as his screen outlines his figure in neon red, underlined with the word TARGET.

The Iron Man suit fires, and Spider-Man dodges, the eyes of the mask widening. 

“Woah, Mr. Stark! I know -”

The gauntlet fires again, this time grazing Peter’s arm. Tony can see angry red blisters that rival the color of his suit. The younger hero stumbles and falls back, shooting a web at Iron Man’s extended arm. 

“I’m so sorry I can’t control it!” Tony pleads. He was wrong, and in this moment he knows it more fiercely than he has ever known anything. He cares for Peter, feels it deep in his bones as the metal around his hand makes contact with Peter’s mask. He hears a crack and a curse muffled by red spandex.

Tony’s own nerves are fraying, the earlier panic threatening to spill over into a full blown attack. 

He, the suit he tells himself, not me, the hacker, yanks Peter up, repulsors burning angry through the suit and into his skin. Tony thinks of all the times he’s picked him up to protect and rescue him. He thinks he might puke as he throws him across the room, denting the wall.

It was only a month ago that he gave Peter the-worlds-most-awkward-talk on panic attacks in existence. 

("Pete - you know," he stops, running a hand down his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm the world's worst example of how to handle emotions and um," he swallows down the urge to divert the conversation. "Trauma. But it unfortunately comes with the job. The wormhole might have looked cool, but it really fucked with my head - sorry I shouldn't say fucked, but - dammit." He sighs, finally directing his gaze to Peter. He's curious, face reddened with embarrassment, but he's hanging on Tony's every word. So he barrels on. "My therapist tells me it's good, to you know, talk about this shit. And it is - I've learned. I was having panic attacks nearly every day, but the last straw was when I nearly killed Pep after waking up from a nightmare. After that, I knew I needed help. Anyway, it's actually been really good and I can set you up with a therapist, which I think you should see because panic attacks suck. You can also talk to me, if you want. You aren't alone and I care about you and all that jazz." Tony claps his hands together before placing one on Peter's shoulder. "Okay, great talk." He pats his shoulder, looking away from the sheen in Peter's eyes.)

A hysterical laugh bubbles to the surface at the memory. Some fucking mentor he is. Parent, he clarifies, Pepper’s accusation ringing more true with each second. Peter’s finally defending himself against Tony’s advances. Still not fighting back, even as he screams at him to. 

Peter himself has been uncharacteristically quiet as he fights, and Tony feels a rush of guilt. He can’t do anything, trapped. Peter, Tony realizes with horrifying clarity, is probably afraid of hurting him.

“I swear to god, kid, if you don’t start fighting back I’m going to-”

The fist to his stomach has him seeing white. It’s the most welcomed pain he’s ever felt in his life. His head falls against the concrete, and Tony smiles, tasting metal. Spider-Man looms over him, head tilted to the side in worry. “I’m so so sorry, Mr. Stark. Are you okay?” 

Tony grunts. The voice comes back. 

“I wonder what electrocution will do to your heart,” it teases. He thinks this is already the worst thing that could happen to his heart, but he protests against the suggestion anyway. 

“Now wait a second!” He hears the suit charge up. 

Everything goes dark. 

Peter watches, as the suit jerks, and then slumps, an unfamiliar voice speaking. “Tony Stark isn’t here anymore.” 

-/-/-/-

“Mr. Stark!” Peter screams. It’s guttural, the crack of his voice echoing off the empty walls. He drops to his knees in front of his mentor, hands and lips trembling. “No, no, no. Mr. Stark. I’m so sorry, please be okay. Please be okay, sir. You’ve gotta - Mr. Stark,”

The air around him tastes stale and his breaths come in short, shallows gasps. There’s a deep, piercing throbbing in his head, like fingernails engraving their crescents into his scalp. He focuses on the pain, on the taste of salt and blood on his lips. His fingers tremble as he reaches for the suit, gently at first. The red metal is smooth and warm from battle. He caresses it, whispering a prayer. 

Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead. Tony I need you. -

Mr. Stark had told him he was strong once, but he can feel himself crumbling now. He shuts his eyes tight, scrunching his face as the memory resurfaces. 

(Peter sits on the kitchen island at the penthouse, legs dangling back in forth, a bowl of Frosted Flakes in his hands. “So who do you think is the strongest Avenger?” he asked. “And you can’t say Iron Man. That’s cheating.” Tony raises a brow. 

“Well that’s just no fun. But just between you and me? Bruce. If you tell him I said so, I’m stealing your baby pictures from May and sending them to the team.” 

Peter drops his spoon. “You wouldn’t.”

“Is that a bet you wanna take? You know what, actually. There is someone who gives him a run for his money.”

“Thor. Obviously Thor.”

“What is it with you and Point Break, kid? No. It’s you. You - savor this moment Pete. I will deny if asked, but kid? Saving Toomes after he repeatedly tried to kill you? After everything he did...I...That’s strength. Not to mention the whole lifting a building that collapsed on top of you too. In your underoos suit.”

Peter ignores the last bit, lets disbelief and pride mingle together as he considers his response. “Thank you,” he whispers just loud enough for him to hear.)

Peter swallows down the lump in his throat, opens his eyes and looks at the unresponsive suit in front of him. The eyes of the Iron Man mask are black. Peter grips the metal around the suits abdomen and pulls. It rips, pulls crimson from the skin of his finger. Underneath the metal, he sees one of Tony’s workout shirts stretched over his stomach, slightly torn. He pulls more. Again

The offbeat thump thump of Tony’s heartbeat and gasp for air as Peter carefully removes the mask, sends relief flooding Peter so fast he practically falls into Tony. 

“I thought you were -” Peter stops on a sob. “You weren’t responding. Mr. Stark and the voice--” Peter buries his still masked head in Tony’s neck. 

“I’m okay, kid.” Tony’s hand cradles Peter’s head and he melts into the touch. They sit like that for a minute, relishing in the others aliveness. “Hey, Peter? Can you look at me for a sec?"  Reluctantly, Peter sits up, pulls away just enough for Tony to reach out and remove Peter's mask. Tony curses at the sight of his face, blotchy red rimmed eyes. Blood trickles down his temple, cheekbone a mixture of purple and yellow. His nose is crooked, broken.  “Peter, I’m so so sorry--”

“You’re sorry? No, I’m sorry. I had, I had this feeling but I just thought, I don’t know what I thought. I should have known something was wrong sooner-”

“Nope. No we aren’t playing this game. In no universe was this your fault.”

“Well then it wasn’t yours either.”

“Kid…”

“I heard him, the dude who Pod personed you. I know you’d never try to hurt me like that. Besides, I’ve had worse face planting into a brick building while swinging and making a tik tok. It’s fine, Mr. Stark.” They both know the latter part is a lie, but Tony’s lips quirk into an almost smile at the memory. 

“But I-”

“No. Can we just...go home?” Peter’s thumb circles on the pulse point at Tony’s wrist, and he exhales on a deep breath. His whole body aches. 

“Yeah, Pete. I just gotta do something real quick.” 

Tony calls Rhodey, has him track the hacker down. They later find it was a former SI employee, William Riva, whom Obie had fired over not being able to replicate the arc reactor. It only intensifies Tony’s guilt, but he stirs in it quietly. Peter’s enhancement leaves no scars for Tony to ruminate over. And though Tony had expected Peter to distance himself, quite the opposite happens.

A week later, after spending every other afternoon at the Tower, Peter finds himself with a real, official internship with SI. He’s more of Tony’s personal assistant than any of the other interns, but it gives him a chance to work in the labs with Tony. To Doomsday plan suits and run codes to prevent any sort of future hacking. Briefly thinking his mentor might have died, had solidified a scary thought, but when Tony wraps Peter in a hug like it’s the most natural thing in the world, he accepts it. Mr. Stark is a friend and a teammate and a mentor. But more than that, Peter sees him as the closest thing he’s had to a father figure since Ben. He’s pretty sure Tony feels the same, with all of his mother-henning and safety protocols, but he’s not going to be the one to bring it up. When it comes down to it, Peter will do anything to protect that, no matter where it takes him. 

[jbbuckybarnes]

Petal Light - 6/7

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Petal) Summary: Hydra has taken over, there is surveillance everywhere and you need to stay covered or inside as much as possible. The Avengers slowly begin to form a resistance with civilians to start taking down Hydra bit by bit. Who thought your mind would be occupied with a little light that runs all around the compound? Warnings: Fluff, angst, mentions of dead parents, A/N: This is not beta read, but I hope you’ll enjoy it anyway!

M A S T E R L I S T | Petal Light Masterlist

You woke up next to somebody else and heard a little grumble. Opening your eyes you scanned everything around you, realizing you were in Bucky’s room, with Bucky and Eva. You smiled at both of them sleeping cuddled together. She probably wanted to have both of you close to her when she saw both of you asleep on the couch. Maybe you were a little into the idea of being with Bucky and parenting Eva. This was serene and comfortable.

“Petal?” Friday said on a low volume. “Hm?” you grumbled. “We have a confirmed match with her mother. In the south of Manhattan, deceased.” she answered and you didn’t anticipate the tears filling your eyes. “Mark her father as Hydra,” you answered with your lips trembling. Bucky’s eyes peaked open, seeing you hugging your legs, streaks down your cheeks. “Hey, darling, what’s up?” he came closer, putting his arms around you. “Her mom is gone, her dad is Hydra.” you murmured and leaned back against him. “We can do this, promise,” he whispered before planting a kiss onto your temple. “Yeah...we.” you mumbled turning yourself towards him. “So...is she gonna have my last name or yours?” he tried to lighten up the mood. “Let her decide,” you smiled up at him. “Since she clearly likes me more…” he started and you squinted at him. “This is not a discussion, we’re mom and dad now.” you looked up at him very serious. “And I didn’t even get the fun part of it.” he muttered and then his eyes widened, realizing he had said that out loud. “James Buchanan Barnes, you dirty motherf-,” you giggled. “Literally.” he said wiggling his eyebrows. “Not YET!” you squinted at him again. “Is that so?” he smiled down at you. “If you’re a good idiot for the rest of those 15 years.” you grinned wide. “Oh? We’re suddenly a married couple?” he raised an eyebrow and you laughed. “Well, I think I don’t mind waking up to you two every morning.” you murmured. “I don’t mind carrying you to bed after every mission,” he said with his hand going through your hair. “I don’t mind if you shut it right now and gimme a good kiss, casanova.” you reached out to caress his face. “Petal! There are children around!” he said wide eyed before chuckling and dipping his head down to kiss you softly. “Hmm, who would’ve thought an insult and a child would bring me to this.” you mumbled against his lips, getting a hum back. “I’m crushing on you since you kicked Zemo across a conference room.” he whispered turned on. “Oh, really?” you whispered and traced his arms. “Yeah.” He bit his lip before giving you another kiss. “Eva?” “Yeah?” she looked up attentive. “I’ll have to tell you something.” you said with a frown. “Mommy isn’t coming back.” She sensed what you thought and started crying when you nodded slightly with tears in your eyes. “It’s okay, angel. Let it out.” you cooed and let her cry for as long as she needed. Steve walked into the room with the blaring cry of Eva and frowned concerned after seeing you cry too. “It’s okay, you’re allowed to cry, baby bug,” you said kissing her head. “I want mommy back.” she yelled and Bucky made a beeline for the common area hearing that. “Bunny, it’s okay.” he murmured into her ear while hugging you both close to him. Steve joined in with the hug, making Eva and you feel safer. “I want mommy!” she wailed and threw herself around. “Friday? Sort out a children’s therapist.” Wanda frowned, immediately reading the situation. “We’ll protect you, Eva. You’re not alone.” she cooed giving her comforting touches. After 30 minutes the cries seized and changed to exhausted sleep.

-

“You’re my momma now, right?” she looked up at you later in the day after being soothed and distracted. It was as if she had already silently coped and knew all this time that this message would come. As if she knew the bad things her parents did. Her father Hydra, her mother leaving her behind. Almost being able to build a wall between that. That’s also why she decided to call you her new parents. She just knew. If this was going to continue, you’d have to check with a therapist if she might have actual powers. Would explain why her mom left her and didn’t take her with her. But that was just a random thought process. “If you want me to be.” you looked down at her while helping her with her little lego castle. “And Jamie is my daddy? He’s a good daddy, not like my other daddy.” she mumbled and you frowned. Yeah, she knew her actual mommy was gone because of her dad. “Yeah, he loves you a lot,” you said before kissing her head. “And where is mommy now?” she looked up. “Your mommy is in a place that forms after her own imagination. Whatever she thinks about exists in that world and she is safe where she is now,” you explained to her. “And daddy?” she asked. “Daddy did some bad things. Really bad things. I hate to say this but you’ll understand this once you’re older.” you rubbed her back. “Can I have Hoppy?” she asked with grabby hands and you leaned across the table to get her little bunny plush. “If you want more plushies, you just need to ask, bunny.” you smiled at her hugging the thing close to her body for comfort. “I want a bigger bunny,” she whispered with big eyes. While you had your personal little crisis going on the rest of the team had gotten NYC back, Toronto being next, D.C. being the end goal. You were still involved in planning and training, but mostly staying in the compound. You had a child to take care of, but you got her to participate in a few of your self defense classes and let her learn some basic first aid things. Your goal was to distract her, talk to her when she asked things about her parents, let her heal, explain death to her and just letting her have a life that was as normal as it could be around the Avengers in the middle of a Hydra infested country. “Buck? Let’s give her a day with some change. We have a lake right in front of the compound, c’mon. Picnic?” you looked up at him after a training session. He grabbed your waist, planting a kiss onto your lips and hummed, “Sounds good to me.” “You can show her which plant is which and which ones she can eat. She’ll love it.” you smiled. “We should teach her swimming too. In the pool of course, in the lake would be kinda bad.” he mumbled before giving you another kiss. “Hmm, you’re a sexy dad, you know that?” you murmured. “You told me a few times in the last two weeks, yeah.” he grinned. “Can’t wait for us to have a free day.” you winked up at him and watched him shift his weight at the hinting. “Not that a supply closet and 10 minutes wouldn’t work.” he whispered into your ear. “Didn’t think a man of your time would be so careless with something so special.” you said fake shocked. “Babe, we live in the middle of international and personal hell. I think the only good thing in it is possibly-" banging you in a closet, "I’m gonna stop myself right there.” he squinted at his own words and made you giggle. “Idiot.” “Your idiot.”

[smolbeandrabbles]

Somethin’ I’m Good At - Gerry x Reader (Mississippi Grind)

@sufferthesea​ - Not the one I had in mind, but one none the less ❤

I want to call this a Pre-Sequel to Diligence. Because it is a sequel, but it’s not the one that ‘Reason Why’ is waiting for.

Author’s Note: I remember telling @mandy23b​ that Brett Eldredge songs were to be earned, but then I went to see him in concert on Friday and this one smacked me in the face. And here we are...!

That isn’t to say Gerry didn’t earn this

Somethin’ I’m Good At - Brett Eldredge 

Disclaimer: Mississippi Grind Characters not mine / lyrics not mine / gifs not mine / lyrical liberties taken.

Premise: Having dated for a few months, Gerry knows for sure, there could be one thing he’s good at...

Words: 2056

Warnings: Fluff, mostly.

______

I'm a real bad liar, I'm a burnt toast kinda guy Or if I try to build a fire I'll burn the woods I ain't a mover or a shaker, can't keep up with the pacer Never met a dancefloor that ever did me any good I got a poor sense of direction, sometimes too strong of affection For a whiskey made in Lynchburg, Tennessee If there's a hole in my boat son, you bet that's all she wrote I'm a Titanic sinking down into that deep blue sea I can't change the world, no I can't change a flat If you give me your heart, girl, well, you may never get it back You said you'd never smile again, but oh no, here it comes Would you look at that? I finally found somethin' I'm good at

---

It'd been a few months down the line since your little talk over hot chocolate. When you'd given him your number, and he'd waited two days to call you. When you enquired as to what had taken him so long, he'd simply told you he didn't want to bother you on your day off. And you thought that maybe he hadn't quite grasped the point of you handing your number over.

 Gerry still used the cafe like an office. It was well frequented, but had long periods of quiet where - to him at least - there was little difference between this and being in the estate agents. Besides, most of the time he also had you here. And now he knew that all those small looks and gentle smiles were for him. Really for him.

 You didn't think you'd been in a relationship quite like it. Gerry was, as his demeanour would suggest, just adorable. You'd thought that before just watching him - but now he got to be yours, and somehow he could up the ante on that. The little I saw this and thought of you - which happened fairly often. Or, if you or he wasn't working or...  At least in the cafe on any particular day the I was just thinking about you... messages you'd get on your phone. And each one was sweet - unlike texts along those lines you'd ever got before.

He was cute, and according to a lot of people who had commented more than once, the two of you together we're even cuter.

 He liked watching you work sometimes - but also just liked leaving you to it, and he loved when you'd walk passed and just brush gently against him, or lace your fingers just long enough for it to be considered holding hands, until his arm refused to stretch after you or bend back any further. Or on occasion you'd even reach out and run your hands through his hair - and if he was busy concentrating on his laptop that was your favourite time to do it. Gerry longed for those fleeting moments the most, and you liked that sound he emitted and that excitable shiver as his heavily fixed concentration switched from whatever he was reading to the sensation of your fingertips.

Sometimes you'd stop by because he wanted to show you something, and you'd lean your arms on his shoulders and your head on his, and on occasion kiss his hair - and for a moment things didn't get better for him. But you didn't stop by all the time, and he didn't want to hinder your work either. He just liked being surrounded by you. Even if you were super busy and all he got was the scent of your perfume as you ran back and forth between tables. He would still smile absentmindedly and get to think about you.

 But, if you ever had a break between the busier and quieter shifts, or you got a full lunch break you still liked sitting with him. Gerry might have told you about the way he hyperfixated on things... How his obsession, and addiction, to gambling had all culminated and been put on... you. But if it was supposed to induce pressure, you never felt it. And he was the only consistently calm thing in the room. You knew he'd slide his laptop and notes to one side and give you his full attention as you told him about your day, or picked his brain for advice. He knew when you came first. If you had an issue, and what hadn't he been through!?, he likely had some kind of solution. He just liked seeing you smile - and being the cause of such a beautiful thing. Gerry knew just when to make the right joke, or be gentle and easy going, or get excited about something... He'd watched you so long he knew your emotions, your expressions... Your body language. That was something he’d picked up from tables that he could be thankful for. Perhaps he knew you better than you knew yourself - and he was only getting more used to it now you were dating. And that obsession meant he wanted to know everything, and help in whatever way he could. You were still responsible for keeping him from tables, after all.

Sometimes he still felt like he was gambling with feelings... It wasn't like Gerry could possibly know where this was going to lead.

 Sometimes he'd drop by for a few hours and then leave and come back, the way he used to when you'd have his coffee order ready for him by the time he crossed the parking lot. Only this time the name Gerry was accompanied by a heart, and he got to kiss you over the counter as he picked up the cup and left. ‘See you later’ really meaning that, even if he didn't return to the cafe.

When he did return from his house viewings though, he was always happy, and all he wanted to show you were these houses. And Gerry didn't miss out on one single detail, because sometimes pictures couldn't do any justice to it. You gotta hear about this one, it has the works!! He didn't seem like the type to get so excited about houses - even if he was an estate agent. And, usually, Gerry would agree with you... That was simply what his job happened to be. And he was just pretty good at it. But, he wasn't thinking about the people he was showing around, or even the houses themselves. (Heck, not even the pay check and well it's a job!) But he was thinking about aspects of those houses, and you.

It always came back to you.

What would you like to live in? What sort of house would you walk into and say this is where I want to be. Would it be with him? That's obviously where his thought process was going. But Gerry knew it was far too early to start asking you questions like that - and he kept it quiet. But secretly he'd show you these houses and take note of what you liked. Or, what caught your interest when he described them. If he could build up that perfect picture in his mind - he knew eventually it would come onto the market... Even if it was only close enough; and he'd find it.

 Back when you'd first had a real discussion, you'd talked about being therapy for him. But you didn't talk like any therapist he'd ever known. And he thought you were doing better for him than any therapist ever could. And sometimes those conversations got intense - and you took a lot of Gerry's emotions and burdens on for yourself. So he would pull you to him and cuddle you and end up reversing the situation. He was as much a remedy for you.

The end goal was just to see you smile again - he didn't matter what kind or how small - he'd count it as a win if he saw one. Usually it didn't take long, the second you were wrapped in his arms and one of his extensive collection of jumpers, you were almost always good to go.

 But today you were having a tough one, and he could tell that the second you sat down. You had this cheerful service front you put on. But Gerry knew all about fronting situations - and yours was a real poker face - so he'd been worried from the moment he'd heard it. Your shoulders slumped and you placed your head in your hands - exhaling loudly. "What's up?" This time he closed the laptop as he slid it across the table - and leant forward on his elbows "Nothing." You looked up at him "It's okay." Well, he knew - or at least from what he'd heard - that it wasn't customers, so it must have been personal. "You know you can tell me anything." He reached for your hands, "And you also know that you won't get passed someone who spent a lot of his life at card tables with a face like that-!" He meant your fake little smile; the only one he wouldn't accept seeing. "I dunno, I don't want to bother you with it." He gave a shrug "You might as well, I'm going to worry anyway." "Well that's really the last thing I want." Your eyes met his, "Me too, so just tell me." "I dunno... Maybe it's all in my head." "Boy trouble?" He raised an eyebrow, and you laughed - and it was score 1 to Gerry because that was genuine. "No, you know, for the first time in my life I actually don't have boy trouble." His smile became playful, "Good - had me worried for maybe half a second..." You ran your hands across the tabletop to his, and let him hold you between his; large hands enveloping yours safely. "I guess… I just… Sometimes I guess, it just feels like my friends would be better off without me… Then there’s times you miss one thing and you just feel totally lost.” You gave a shrug, “I don't think it's conscious - I can't blame 'em. I don’t blame them. But… If you go quiet for a while what happens? Does it show they care if they don't bother you because they are respecting your space? Make you think they don't care if they don't check in? Maybe I'm just fragile. I'm certain some of it's in my head." You looked to him "You ever get that?" Given that his hands were in yours, Gerry tipped his head as he began thinking; "I'm sure everyone wants to give you their 5 cents on it." "For sure, but I'm asking you." "Friends? I ran out of a lot of them a long while ago when I was incredibly bad at paying people back. Enjoy the ones you have. Remove the ones you no longer enjoy. Not worth risking your own health if it keeps happening, huh?" He gave a gentle smile, "Ask me and my... Acquaintances!" You smiled gently; "I'm not so great at forgiveness either..." or maybe you just weren’t good with the right words, sometimes you felt you found them a little too late… "Forgive those worth forgiving. Unless the bridge is well and truly burned… But that’s not my decision to make – is it?" "But what if my reaction-!" His eyes narrowed; "Hey. Who do you think I care about more?" "Me." "You." He nodded in agreement "So, whose side am I always going to be on?" That smile continued to grow as you realised what he was getting at "Mine." "Yours." His smile continued to coax yours out of hiding. "I'm happy to talk it out with you, but I want you to realise that all I'm going to want at the end of it is you happy..." "Well that's all I want for you, too." "Me?" He tipped his head once more, gentle sparkle in his eyes "Whenever I'm with you I'm happy. So, of course..." He chuckled "Yeah. I'm... I'm happy." But then he pushed it right back where it belonged; "Are you?"

There was silence for a moment as you looked between his eyes, and that prolonged smile on his face. That you were just as responsible for as he was the one manifesting on your own. You realised that it was a longer discussion for another time - but you knew that by what he was saying he'd help you as far as he could... But the decision was yours. Still, it was a million-dollar decision, and he'd probably made a billion of those in his life. Probably not always called right, so hopefully he'd help you with the right call. Even if that would be all your own.

 "I'm happy." And there it was, a genuine, beautiful, full smile. Almost a beam, but there was a soft blush across your cheeks as you admitted it all out loud. And he knew it wouldn't be long until he got it there.

Gerry wasn't good at much, he knew. But he sure was good at that.

---

@dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby​ @3134045126​ #MendoTagSquad.

[jonogueirawrites]

Save me from myself.

Chapter 11.

AO3

Summary:

All she wanted was to give Bucky a little something, but in the end, Lilly gave him much more than that

TW: none.

Remember.

Making circles with her thumb on the small box in her hand, Lilly made her way to the stationery store down the street.

The place was bustling with people going on with their lives. Some of them had their faces down, looking at their phones while others chatted amicably with their friends laughing freely.

She was waiting for the pedestrian traffic light to turn green when a dog barked, drawing her attention. The small animal played with a couple who sat on the park’s blue bench. Resting under the shade of a big old tree.

A small sigh escaped her mouth as her chest filled with longing for things she could only imagine, and once again, her thumb caressed the wooden box in her palm.

Taking her eyes from the scene, she walked across the street and made her way to the store.

All kinds of wrapping paper crowded the walls. From seasonal to birthday. From thematic to classic. Her eyes were overwhelmed with so many options, and her mind started sorting through all of them.

A petite girl with an easy smile neared and started asking questions to help her. Help that she happily welcomed since that kind of delicate manual work was foreign to her. Stabbing, suffocating, cleaning guns? She could do it with closed eyes. Her fingers knew all of it. Wrapping, decorating, and making bows? Not even close.

After a couple of minutes, Lilly left the store with a beautiful sky-blue gift box, ornated with a small silver bow sitting on top of it. The box fitted perfectly on her hand, and she hid it away inside a black plastic bag. Pleased with her choice, she headed to one more place before her final destination.

The room was bare, and the girl greeted her with a big smile. Although they had never met before, they had a friend in common. A friend that both wanted to see happy.

“Thank you, Shuri.” Lillian hugged the princess. “Are you sure you don’t want me to call you Her…”

“That won’t be necessary. Please, and thank you!” They laughed.

“I’ll see you around then?” She asked from the door.

“As soon as my brother gets off my back.” Shuri rolled her eyes and waved Lilly a farewell.

With everything set, Lillian was finally able to go to the compound.

Joyful laughter was what she wanted to hear, but instead, she found an empty place. She knew they weren’t on any mission, so where could they be?

Walking to the kitchen, she opened the fridge and served herself some of Tony’s ice-cream. How could she resist something so tempting? She had already told Tony to not leave it in the fridge if he didn’t want her to have some, but the man just gave her a tired smile.

Her eyes fluttered closed with the first spoon, and with the second, her brain forgot how to function.

Minutes had passed, and when the ice cream was gone, she stood up and washed the dishes that were left in the sink. Tired of waiting around, she took the phone from her pocket and called Steve.

He picked it up on the second ring. Lilly could hear the smile on his voice.

“Lilly.”

“Where are you guys? I’ve been waiting here forever.” She slumped in Steve’s favorite seat.

“You never said you were coming by-”

“Do I need invitations now?” Her lips curled up, and she giggled.

“Of course, not. But if I knew you’d be coming, I would have invited you to the meeting-”

“Because that is a hard pass, right?”

“They are not the most entertaining, but they are important to… Anyway. We have just finished and are coming back, just give me a minute and-”

“Actually,…” she scratched her head and bit her lower lip, “I’m here to see Bucky.”

“Oh, it is Bucky now? I see.” He chuckled.

“I just came to thank him for the other day. The picnic, remember?”

“Yeah, How could I?” There was silence for a moment. “How’s therapy?”

“It’s surprisingly good.” She threw her legs up the armrest. “Better than I expected.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Don’t forget, we have to catch that movie on Friday.”

“No way, I would forget it. How long have we been planning it?”

“Feels like years now.” His voice came from the elevator, and they hung up. “So,…” he continued when he entered the room, “I bring the stomach, and you bring the food?” He laughed animatedly.

“Sure. I owe you one.” Lilly looked at him. The therapist he recommended did, indeed, help her more than she imagined. “Just don’t expect me to do all the work every time.”

Steve gave her a tight hug. They talked for a bit longer before she headed to Bucky’s room.

The elevator ride was smooth and lonely. Everyone had their things to do and were out, except Steve, Bucky, and Clint.

Once again, she found herself standing in front of his white ash door, although this time, she hoped there were more cheerful memories to be made.

Knocking on the door, she heard movement inside, and for some reason, she didn’t know, her hands patted her clothes. A funny feeling settled in her stomach while she closed her hands in balls at her sides.

As soon as the door opened and his face came into view, something inside her snapped. When her eyes met his, her lips became a huge smile, one that she noticed he had as well.

For a couple of seconds, they stared at each other until Bucky leaned on the frame and crossed his arms over his chest.

The light grey t-shirt hugged his frame, catching her attention. With the motion of his body, the fabric slid upwards, displaying the beginning of firm abs and promises of delicious things hidden beneath black sweatpants.

Pretending to fumble with the plastic bag not to be caught staring at his body, she lifted it and flashed him a smile, not before swallowing all the saliva in her mouth.

“I have something for you.” She shook the bag. “And I hope you like it because it was not easy to find.”

“What did I do to deserve it?” He walked back inside and waited for her to enter before closing the door.

“You were there when I needed it.” Lilly’s voice was firm, but her eyes didn’t look at his.

“Lillian, I…” She turned with the gift in her hands, and he stared at it.

She walked to his bed and sat. Patting at her side, she waited for him to sit and then placed the box into his open hands.

“You don’t have to say anything.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “C’mon. Open it.” She poked his hand.

His gaze lifted to hers, and she made sure to sit closer until their bodies were touching. His skin was warm, and his smell intoxicating. Bucky was tempting in more ways than Lilly thought possible, and that realization was not only confusing but also scary. Still, she found herself reaching for his face with the tips of her fingers to tuck the strands of hair that persisted in blocking her view of his calming blue eyes.

When she touched his skin, she noticed how deep he breathed, the way his eyes flicked to her lips.

Biting his lip, Bucky averted her gaze and started to open the gift, and Lillian couldn’t help but wring her hands.

-----

Bucky didn’t understand why he was so nervous. Of course, it had nothing to do with her body so close to his. Her hair caressing his skin and its smell reaching his nose. Its gentle smell was unable to mask her natural scent, which, in a strange way, was soothing to him.

He placed the box on his lap, afraid of dropping it and ruining whatever was inside when she leaned over his shoulder, and he felt her body pressed against his.

Commanding his body not to betray him by displaying his emotion, he carefully took the ends of the strings with his slightly trembling fingers and pulled. Thinking the bow would fall on the floor, he reached to grab it with his flash hand, only to have it curl around her delicate skin because she had the same reaction. Without looking over his shoulder, his thumb made circles on her hand before letting it go. Moments later, he still felt her warmth in his hand.

With great care and precise movements, he unwrapped the box. His fingers tenderly brushed the lid. In beautifully engraved letters, a message was written in it.

“Write notes to remember who you were.

Write notes to remembers who you are

Write notes to remember who you want to be.

Write notes to remember me.”

The words were simple, but the message hit hard. Who he had been, who he was, and who he wanted to be were completely different people. The last line where there was a small lily drawn and where she asked him to remember her was the one he read and reread… There were plenty of reasons to remember her. Some terrible, some good, but most of them were reasons that made him get out of bed every day.

Glancing at her over his shoulder, he gave in to his desires and stroked her cheek.

“Thank you!” As soon as she leaned on his touch, his body melted away.

“You don’t need to thank me.” Her face was close to his, and he felt her breath on his skin. “Go on. Open it.”

He hated the fact that he had to look away from her but turned once again to the box on his lap.

With both thumbs, he slowly lifted the lid. Inside he found a small notepad made of recycled paper and a silver fountain pen. Its design similar to the one in his arm.

Bucky traced his metal arm with his fingertips and was suddenly lost in thought, just to be brought back by her fingers lacing his.

“It’s okay, Bucky.” Lilly squeezed his hand. “I’m here.” Her words caressed his ear and cheeks.

Turning his eyes back to the box, he saw a small black fabric package.

He felt Lilly’s body press closer to him when he reached for it, and he noticed how she held her breath. Letting the content fall into his palm, his lips twitched into a shy smile.

His old dog tags brought all kinds of memories back, he was sure it had not been easy to find them. Straightening his spine, he threw the chain over his shoulder and felt the tags against his chest.

Lilly shuffled behind him, moving her body away from his, so he turned to her, resting his knee on the mattress.

“Do you like it?” Her head was tilted, and she worried her lip between her teeth.

Chuckling, he nodded at her.

“It took me a while, but I think it was worth it.” She reached for the tags and touched them. Her fingers lingering on his chest. “Here, let me show you something.”

She came close again and stopped near him. The proximity of their bodies sending goosebumps all over him. He had to look up to meet her gaze.

There, in between the tags, was a small phoenix pendant.

“The phoenix that rises from its own ashes. A new opportunity to do better. To be better.” She gazed up to his eyes. “Every new day is a new chance, Bucky. Don’t let it go to waste.”

There was a moment of silence in the room, so Bucky took the opportunity to watch her every move.

“It is made of vibranium. I’m sure you know about it.” He could only nod because she looked at him, and he saw her eyes traveling on his face.

“I believe in you, and not only that…” With a feather-light touch, she tucked his hair behind his ears. “I can say now, from deep inside my heart and soul. With all the certainty in the world.” One hand fell to his chest and stopped near his heart. The fingers of the one that remained on his face traced his jaw and tilted his chin up. Her voice a whisper lacing him in hope. “I trust you.”

At the end of her words, Lilly bent down and kissed his forehead. Her soft lips lingering on his skin, making his heart skip a beat, and his soul fill with happiness.

When she parted from him, he silently cursed everything and desperately mourned the loss of contact. When her eyes met his again, he knew he would do anything to protect her, to be with her. If only she accepted him.

And although he wanted to say something, she stood up from her place and walked out of the room, leaving him there speechless and alone.

He threw his body back onto the mattress and smiled to himself. His metal fingers playing with the small phoenix and his flesh ones tracing the skin she had just kissed.

I hope you liked.

Likes and reblogs are super appreciated!

Next chapter

[kimnamjooonz]

London Calling - Chapter 4

Hey Bucky

Introducing in this chapter: 

This man:

And this one:

Songs used in this chapter: 

Hey Jude - The Beatles

London, December 2016

Another day in the office. The only good thing of that day was that it was Friday. However, Celine wasn’t in her best mood. Work was monotonous, to say the least and she was frustrated with her investigation: she seemed to be going nowhere. It was a week before Christmas holidays which was a relief. Even though Celine had never celebrated Christmas, and this year was not going to be an exception, she was looking forward for the free days even if they involved Matilde decorating the house in a manner that Celine found distasteful. Everything Christmassy was awful to her. She was mumbling one of those pop songs that Matilde listened to and Celine didn’t know the name while finally leaving the office. She just wanted to sleep through all the weekend. ‘’Hey, hey hey’’ she heard Matilde’s voice calling her. She had the biggest smile on her face. ‘’I have the best news to tell you. I’ll tell you on the way’’ she pulled Celine by her sleeve. ‘’The way to were?’’ Celine asked, not understanding a thing of what Matilde wanted to tell her. ‘’Let me tell you the story first’’ she followed Matilde wherever she wanted to go. ‘’Do you remember my aunt Francisca?’’ ‘’How can I forget her. She lives right next our door’’ Matilde’s aunt had quite an interesting love life that the girls couldn’t fail to see. She and her Georgie were quite the couple. ‘’Well, she made up her mind. She’s leaving to Chicago next week with his super rich boyfriend. Georgie, of course. Hell, he’s like twenty years younger than her’’ even though the gossip was fun, Celine didn’t know where the story involved her. ‘’And…?’’ ‘’Well…’’ Matilde’s smile grew bigger. ‘’She asked me if you’re still interested in acquiring a house in London because she’s selling hers. If she contacts a real estate agency the process will take a lot of time but if she sells it to you, you’ll have a house by next week.’’ Celine stopped to think. That was too good to be true. ‘’You’ll get a house for a quarter of the normal price. My aunt just wants to sell it quickly. In common circumstances, a nice house in Chelsea is unaffordable.’’ Celine knew all about that. She had been looking for affordable places to live that weren’t the size of a shoe box and she had not been lucky. Until now, that she was about to get a pretty house in Chelsea for less than half the price. She wanted to send flowers to Georgie and Francisca. ‘’Tell me we’re on the way to meet her right now’’ Celine was literally jumping with excitement. ‘’Of course, miss’’

Two hours later they were at the Pig Ear, Matilde’s favourite pub, celebrating. Celine was so happy that she was in the mood for a pint of beer even if she knew she’d have to deal with the drunkness afterwards. Damn the alcohol intolerance. There was a band playing covers of The Beatles and Celine was singing in a low voice while she finished with the beer. Matilde was already drinking her fourth pint. ‘’You’ll miss my Chris Evans picture’’ ‘’Yeah, I feel the heartbreak already’’ Celine said with sarcasm. As much as she loved Matilde, she was happy to get her own place, at last. She wanted to have a cat, something she couldn’t do with Matilde who was allergic. And not having to look at that Evans guy picture every day was a bonus. When Celine realised that she was singing louder than before knew that it was time to go. She didn’t want to end up singing on the tables, like one embarrassing time in Cambridge. ‘’I thought you were never going to finish’’ she had drank five pints and was really tipsy. On the way back was doing a weird sort of dance while singing a very out of tune version of Hey Jude. ‘’Hey Jude… don’t make it bad… take a sad song and make it better REMEMBER to let her into your heart… then you can start to make it better’’ Some verses later both of them were shouting the lyrics. ‘’… REMEMBER TO LET HER UNDER YOUR SKIN THEN YOU CAN START TO MAKE IT BETTER, BETTER, BETTER, AGGHH NANANANANANA HEY JUDE’’ They were attracting glances from the people on the street but for once Celine didn’t care. She was too happy. Stumbling, both of them got into the house. ‘’I think I’m drunk’’ said Matilde crashed on the couch and turned on the TV ‘’Celine, look, Captain America: The Winter Soldier is on’’. Celine glanced at the screen where there was a guy with blue eyes and long hair who was apparently being under some sort of torture. Celine was seeing double so she didn’t look at the screen for so long. ‘’That’s Bucky Barnes played by the brilliant Sebastian Stan. Very handsome as you can see. I’d sell my soul just for a taste of him’’ Celine laughed. Not even drunk she would think things like that about a fictional character. ‘’I leave you in his company. I’m going to bed before I can’t climb the stairs’’ She laughed again when she saw Matilde hugging the air, probably imagining it was that Becky guy. Or Bucky or whatever his godforsaken name was. Laughing, she crashed in her bad and fell asleep.

Somewhere in New York, at the same exact time.

‘’Sebastian, darling, you auditioned for this role, which is very big and now you don’t want to take it’’. Sebastian was in a reunion with his agent who was trying to convince him to take a role he had auditioned for a couple of months ago. It was the lead role for an important production. ‘’I told you before’’ he complained ‘’I don’t want to go abroad for eight months, it’s crazy’’ this was only one of the reasons for his reluctance. ‘’It’s just six months. Take this chance. It’ll boost your career’’. ‘’I don’t know anyone there. And I don’t want to live in a hotel for eight months. Think about that, Emily, it’s crazy’’. ‘’Six months, Sebastian. And you don’t have to live in a hotel. I know that some of your Marvel buddies live there so you can stay with them’’. Sebastian was horrified with imagining living six months with someone like Tom Holland. He wouldn’t last a week. ‘’But I don’t know anything about the background history of the movie’’ he was desperately trying to find some reasons. ‘’There are books about it, I know you like to read. If not, the Wikipedia is always there’’. Sebastian was frustrated. Emily always had a solution to everything. It was literally impossible to win an argument against her. ‘’What if I need to see my therapist or my personal trainer?’’ Emily was doing her best to remain patient. Sebastian could be difficult sometimes. ‘’There are therapists, personal trainers, restaurants, parks, fire fighters, doctors, politicians… everything you want, Sebastian’’. He was running out of reasons and to be honest, he didn’t know why he was saying no. It was a big chance and he had left home for long periods of time before. It wasn’t as if he had someone to tie him to New York, apart from his mother. He didn’t even have a girlfriend as his last one had left him many months ago. No, the real reason was that he was insecure about the role being too big for him. ‘’Sebastian’’ Emily was looking at him with a serious but kind expression ‘’You know I want the best for you. And this role is. Take this chance, you won’t regret it’’. She was right, he had to admit it. And he had been chosen for this role for a reason. If he did it well, he’d career would take a boost. If he did it bad, well, he still had a nine movie contract with Marvel so he won’t be unemployed. ‘’Suppose that I’m doing this, when do I leave?’’ ‘’Next year. From March to September’’. Being serious, the idea wasn’t so bad. He’ll meet new people, at least. Who knew what would happen. ‘’Okay I’ll do it’’ Emily smiled, relieved, and gave him the contract. Without thinking it twice, he stamped his signature on the contract.

Chelsea, London.

Celine suddenly woke up after a weird dream. There was a wolf in it. Damn alcohol, she always had weird dreams whenever she drank. Once she had dreamed that she was a mermaid. She didn’t even like mermaids in the first place. ‘’I need tea’’ she mumbled to the empty room. Downstairs, Matilde had fallen asleep on the couch hugging a pillow. Celine tried not to laugh. The Captain America film was still playing. Celine could tell that because she recognised the long haired guy from before. It was either a really long film or it had a sequel. In silence she drank a cup of herbal tea while watching the TV. There were a lot of people with weird costumes fighting each other in an airport. Celine had no idea what was this about. She had got lost with the scene even though she had no idea what was going on. When her eyelids started to drop she started her way back to bed again ‘’I knew that deep inside you liked these films’’ Matilde spoke from behind her back. ‘’Yes, I was mesmerised by Becky’’ Celine said with sarcasm. ‘’It’s Bucky’’ she tried to stand up for the couch but ended up on the floor. Celine helped her to stand up not before laughing at loud. Not saying a single word Matilde fell asleep on the couch. Taking all the time in world she went back to her room. She couldn’t fall asleep again because she had the strange feeling that something was going to change by some reason she was unaware of. She related these thoughts with the alcohol consumption or maybe with the fact that she was going to get a permanent place to live. And a good one. Tomorrow is going to be a good day, she thought. There was nothing to worry about.

Manhattan, New York.

When Anthony arrived to his friend Sebastian’s place he found him next to the big window in his living room, in a phone conversation with someone and listening to Celine Dion at full volume. Anthony had no idea what was on Sebastian’s mind. Maybe this was a weird technique to get into character for his next role. Or he was being his usual melodramatic self. It was a challenge not to laugh, he looked ready to be in an Adele music video. ‘’…I’ll miss you to but I’m not leaving yet, I leave the second week of March of next year’’ he was saying. Anthony wondered where he was leaving. ‘’Mom, I’m sorry but I can’t go to spend Christmas with you, I’ll be in Atlanta… no, mom, I promise I’ll see you before I leave… bye… love you’’ He hung up and finally focused on Anthony. ‘’What on earth is happening to you?’’ Anthony asked him. ‘’What’s wrong?’’ Sebastian looked around, trying to find something out of normality. ‘’You look like you’ve made the worst mistake of your life and you’re listening to Celine Dion like a dramatic fool!’’ ‘’What’s wrong?’’ he asked again. ‘’I like Celine. But you’re right, I think I’ve made a mistake’’. He looked quite thoughtful. Anthony just wanted to hear the whole story. After a while he started talking. ‘’Look, I got the lead role for a huge movie that I think it’s too big for me. Apart from that I have to go abroad for like eight months and if that wasn’t enough I have to do a lot of research that I’m seriously planning to leave for the last minute’’. Anthony waited until Sebastian finished his rant to ask all the questions he had in his mind. ‘’When you say ‘abroad’ where are you exactly going? You sound as if they’re sending you to Siberia’’. ‘’Just London’’ Anthony couldn’t believe it. All of this drama because he was going to London. Not the Sahara desert or the North Pole or the Amazonia. Just London. ‘’What’s wrong with London? You’ll have to pull a perfect accent?’’ Sebastian just nodded. ‘’Good luck with that’’ he tried again not to laugh. ‘’You can talk and talk to Hiddleston. Sooner or later you’ll end up talking like him’’. Sebastian shot him a death glare. ‘’Don’t get mad, man, you were casted for a reason now go there and do your job. They’ll pay you pretty well so stop complaining. Who knows what’s expecting you in London’’. Sebastian had to admit that Anthony was right. Not that he was doing this for the money, he just loved acting but he was just scared, like any normal person. ‘’Why don’t we go out?’’ Anthony proposed. ‘’To a pub or somewhere else. Maybe you can meet someone’’. ‘’Not in the mood, sorry’’ Sebastian was still looking at the roof with an unreadable expression. Anthony’s patience was running out. He wanted to shake Sebastian by the shoulders and shout at him to pull himself together, that he was good enough for the role. ‘’You’re never in the mood. Haven’t you been alone too long?’’ ‘’Just some months and I’m perfectly fine with it’’ he was being totally honest. ‘’And in three months I’m leaving to Britain and I don’t want to leave anyone behind, I feel guilty enough of leaving my mom already’’ ‘’Do me a favour, Sebastian’’ Anthony was looking at him with a serious expression ‘’When you’re in London don’t isolate yourself. Go and talk to someone. A nice girl in coffee shop, someone that’s sitting beside you on the tube, an old woman in a park, I mean, anyone, whoever you want to. Who knows who you’ll end up meeting’’ ‘’The love of my freaking life’’ Sebastian said with all the sarcasm he could muster. Anthony just couldn’t stand him anymore.

P.S I relate to Celine. The girl got a house. In THIS economy. 

And I spent all day laughing at Rami Malek falling at the Oscars. I know I shouldn’t have but it was just too good.

And finally Sebastian made his entrance in this story. 

[simplylove101]

Influential TV Shows

Okay this is kinda random and why I prob won’t tag the shows I list cuz this is more just something I wanted to get out of my head after watching J&J’s latest podcast where they were talking about this topic. They kept it to 7 shows each and while that would certainly be interesting to try, that’s kinda hard. lol I went about grouping some of them - shows that shaped me growing up, shows that impacted me/stuck with me, comfort shows/watch with the family, taught me about fandoms, etc. And saying something about each of them. Anyway, this is stupid but here we go lol:

The Shows Growing Up:

Sailor Moon: Okay, nobody make fun of me. lol This is the first show I remember really watching as a kid that wasn't Barney or whatever, something I decided to watch by myself and it actually had an ongoing story. And ofc it took time for me to realize that this was just an English dubbed version that they would play on Cartoon Network. Looking back on it, it’s a little cringey (the voice readings, Serena being a bit of a crybaby) but seeing girls, even if it was animated, kicking ass over evil as a group made an impression on me so it’s no wonder I would watch it religiously after school and was sad when they stopped airing it. And ofc I watched all the movies too. I was a shameless fan. lmao I also eventually read the manga and appreciated it.

Hey Arnold: As a kid, I would watch Cartoon Network & Nickelodeon (& eventually Disney when I got a little bit older), and I think one of the Nickelodeon shows that really stuck with me as a kid, like Rugrats, was this one. It had a wide range of really distinct characters. It was genuinely funny. And I did love the dynamic between Arnold & Helga (who was interesting & sometimes they would let her be the protagonist of an ep instead of him, like the therapist one which is a def fave) even if her crush was kinda as stalkerish as you can get why maintaining innocence. lol And you know what? I did totally watch the recent movie they did where it tied up loose ends like getting these two together and allowing her to grow as a character. Gotta say it was rewarding after all this time. lol  

All That: I feel like I gotta put this here because I watched this show all the time as a kid. And I think it’s something that really taught me about comedy. I had seen things from Saturday Night Live growing up cuz of my parents but this was my Nickelodeon version with people that weren’t much older than me at the time so I could really get what was going on/enjoy it. It’s also the first place where we saw people like Amanda Bynes & Kenan Thompson & Kel Mitchell (which is partly why I later watched things like The Amanda Show and Kenan & Kel) What can I say? As a young person, it was just really cool seeing kids being funny. Yeah, there was some cheese but I didn’t care. It stayed with me.

Boy Meets World/Sister, Sister/Lizzie McGuire/Even Stevens: I kinda cheated here and bundled these shows because these are four of the shows I watched on Disney growing up (Disney showed reruns of Boy Meets World & Sister, Sister for the record) There were others like That’s So Raven, Suite Life, Wizards of Waverly sort of, Proud Family to name a few but these shows I picked have such iconic episodes that I still remember well and love. Like Even Stevens - musical episode hands down Idc. Boy Meets World - Scream-inspired Halloween ep for sure. Yes, there was cheesiness with all these shows. Sometimes very after-school special, but they shaped me I think. Also gotta mention, I remember thinking of Hilary Duff as my idol. lol

The Ones I Watched With the Fam:

That 70′s Show: Now the thing with my family is that we were one where for a time we would watch tv while eating dinner and my dad would have control of what channel we watched. It was always this way, which meant it would either be Law & Order or Seinfeld (the second one I was cool with and I almost included it on here cuz it’s such a staple comedy but eh,,, I appreciated it more later on. It felt more forced on me at the time) This is probably one of the only shows I can say my whole family truly agreed on watching all together tho, including my sister who generally watches trashy reality shows. This show will always remain one of my faves, because it was hilarious. It got a little weaker towards the end (We do NOT speak about Season 8) but I loved how it was a true ensemble sitcom where everyone brought something to the table and enjoyed the different dynamics between the group. The funny running gags, Jackie & Hyde still remain one of my all-time otps, and Kelso is probably the funniest & lovable dumb character I can think of (If nothing else, Ashton Kutcher was meant to play this part ok) It was nice to have something my whole family could enjoy together. It was a rarity so this show has a special place in my heart for that alone.

Joan of Arcadia: Another show that has a place in my heart, despite it only lasting 2 seasons and it ending on a bad note (major cliffhanger, still never fully making things right w/ Adam after destroying his character, ultimately S2 was problematic but still) because this is a show that I watched religiously (pun not actually intended here lol) with my mom every Friday it was on. What I loved about it was that the concept is centered around Joan talking to God yet it generally wasn’t being preachy. Joan wasn’t always willing to do what God wanted her to do, and things didn’t always turn out how she wanted. It was a kinda perfect blend for me and my mom to watch together. After this we were more willing to watch stuff as a pair cuz we were close but this started all that. I remember always being curious how God would appear to Joan cuz it was always changing, but there were some fave recurring ones like Cute Guy God, Goth God & Old Lady God to name a few. heh Joan was played wonderfully by the awesome Amber Tamblyn who could always make me cry (naturally she played my fave Tibby in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies too lol) and she had awesome friends in Adam & Grace (who were my faves) and family. I rewatched this show and you know, I’d say S1 holds up and even the first half of S2. Heck, the episode where Joan & Adam break up towards the end of it, while totally heartbreaking and PISSES me off cuz bad writing for Adam, was solid simply for the acting so there’s that. lol

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Putting this show under this category because this was a show that I mostly got into because my sister loved it growing up. I was really young when it came out so I mostly remembered bits & pieces when I later watched it when I got a little older. It stuck with me tho cuz ofc the awesome Sarah Michelle Gellar playing badass Buffy (she was my sister’s idol) and it was a genuinely funny and smart show. It also got dark too. It wasn’t always solid towards the end, but I think it mostly nailed the actual ending (why Anya had to die tho... Spike I got but ugh) Anyway, this was kinda a big deal cuz it was the only thing my sister and I really watched together that wasn’t bad reality television or me barely paying attention to Dawson’s Creek at the time lol This showed that my sister could have taste when she wanted to (lmao sorry)

The Carol Burnett Show: I had to mention this show because this is one that got me, really my family, through dealing with my mom’s dementia. We chose to care for her at home instead of putting her in a nursing home. We did this for 2 years until her death. And the one thing we (excluding my sister cuz her & old stuff don’t mix) could always count on cheering us up was this show. My dad told me that my mom loved this show growing up and that’s why we turned on for her. So luckily memory or no memory, she still had a sense of humor and she knew when to laugh. And with good reason. This show is hilarious. So iconic. Carol Burnett was/is rightfully loved dearly for this show. I wish I had more I could say, but this was truly a comfort show when I desperately needed it so I am forever grateful that it existed.

Honorable Mention: Young & Hungry - another show that got us through that dark period, my dad actually really enjoyed this, despite seeming skeptical, and eventually started calling it the “Josh & Gaby Show” lmao Only thing is we never finished it together so oops. Not so much influential maybe but worth mentioning it felt like since it was underrated, got me thru a tough time, was hilarious and I loved that cast a lot. Emily Osment deserved to be the lead of her own show. Comedy queen.

The Ones That Brought Out the Fangirl In Me AKA The Teen Years:

The O.C/One Tree Hill/Gossip Girl/The Vampire Diaries: Another category where I’m just grouping them up together cuz ultimately it wasn’t about high art with these shows. They were the staple teen shows that everyone was watching and well, I was one of those people. lol It all started with The O.C. It was one of those ‘at the right time’ kinda things cuz I just went into the 6th grade when S1 started and it was such a big hit that everyone was always talking about it and there were even shirts involved (I never went that far lol) but this is where my need to explore YouTube came and then I was making fanvids. Gossip Girl is the one where I actually inserted myself into a fandom for the first time. My goodness the cringe that came with it but it gave me two of the longest online friendships I’ve ever had so I don’t regret it. (Shoutout to @backtothestart02 here as one of them) And well, three of these shows taught me the toxicity that can come from fandom. So I’ve been less vocal/more aware with other shows because of it. There’s problematic stuff in all of these but they were entertaining most of the time despite frustration (lol) 

Honorable Mention: Teen Wolf - Had to mention this one cuz this was a show where I had a group of friends who all watched this together and we talked about it til the end (even when we weren’t happy with it lol) I was never really vocal in the fandom cuz by this point I was wary of them (fandoms I mean), but it was nice to share a show with people who felt similarly about it. As a show, I truly loved it up to 3B. Some of my favorite episodes were the ones that almost felt standalone-ish (3x06 AKA Motel California still remains my fave to this day) Lastly, it’s because of this show I was introduced to Dylan O’Brien who I always refer to as my ‘always & forever’ guy so yeah lol

Maybe Superhero Shows Are Worth Watching lol:

The Flash/Daredevil/Cloak & Dagger/Runaways: So I’m someone who growing up, beyond Spider-Man and Batman, never really jumped at superhero movies. I still don’t to an extent but I’m more willing to watch stuff now. I think because when it comes to TV, I’m willing to check out at least an ep. I got into The Flash because my friend Lauren was really into it (and still very much is now) and wanted me to check it out so I did. I sorta watched Arrow before it until a point so I’d seen Barry’s appearances on it and remembered thinking he was precious so I wasn’t surprised that I liked him as a main character. I do think these later seasons have lost some quality but I think the earlier ones were very solid and Grant is perfect in the role. Daredevil... R.I.P. That show was so high quality so the fact that Netflix cancelled it is just rude. Now... Cloak & Dagger has been one of those surprises for me cuz it was such a slow burn that when it really got going it left me wanting more. That S1 finale was so solid. Cannot wait for S2. Love the dynamic between Ty & Tandy. Now Runaways isn’t perfect but it’s my biggest fandom right now and I’m proud of that fact. It’s a show that highlights diversity with 4 PoC leads & 4 kickass ladies (Nico & Gert are my bb girls), healthy ships including an LGBTQ couple currently as the main one (tho it is Gertchase that owns my heart), and overall a pretty great cast that meshes well like the thrown together family they portray. It even got me back into writing fanfic again. A miracle tbh. lol

Overall Just Amazing:

This Is Us: I just think that this show pulled me in the second they revealed that first plot twist in the pilot. It surprised me and then they kept doing that a bit after. Now it’s more about how it has the ability to make me cry every ep and feel things. It doesn’t always touch me the same it did in that first season (it was an emotional year for me tbh) but it does have a class act cast who can always pull at my heart strings.

Boardwalk Empire: This technically could have went under something I sort of watched with my dad, but it is kinda a weird show to share I guess. We didn’t usually watch it together (saved some awkward convos sometimes lol) but always talked about each episode weekly and it was kinda fun cuz it was usually in-depth. My dad still quotes things from it to this day. He also once said that he considers S1 the best TV season he’s ever watched. I agree that it was great. For me, the first 3 seasons are solid while the last 2 felt different but still pretty good. There was such quality to it. Great acting headed by Steve Buscemi. What can I say? I have a thing for gangster stories. I could say more but I’ll stop. lol

Stranger Things: The show that really turned me into a binge-watcher. I had just gotten Netflix and what show did I decide to watch on my birthday? This show. I had seen things in the media about the kids from it and I was like, they’re adorable!! And ofc I got hooked when I actually watched the show. It just has everything in it that I like: mystery, thrills, humor, hint of romance, awesome acting, music moments, nostalgia. This was my obsession for a while until I got into some other things but if you don’t think I’m totally pumped for S3, then you best believe I’m watching it all in a day if I can. lol

Community: This is a show that reminded me how a show can think totally outside of the box and still have a lot of heart with its comedy. I love situations where a group of misfits come together and become a family. I love that this show celebrates being different. Troy Barnes remains one of my favorite TV characters ever (& omg his friendship with Abed is pure goals!!) and Donald Glover played him perfectly. And Alison Brie is just adorable as Annie. Love this group of weirdos. The quality was different after S3 but I still adore it.

Into the Badlands: Have to mention this show because what it has been doing action-wise is just incredible. The fighting sequences are out of this world. I’m always excited to see how they top it. Also, an Asian male lead? Go dude! The whole cast is wonderful and everything is just high quality, ok? Also, that cinematography!! Can’t believe it’s ending when it comes back. Sadness.

One Day at a Time: This is more of a recent discovery for me (had friends who watched it and knew it was good but only decided to check it out not too long ago) but it’s already made its impact on me. This show has so much heart to it. The writers put so much care into their work when they bring up these controversial issues in the episodes. All while being totally hilarious (but also trust me, I manage to cry at least 1 or twice an ep lol) A show centered on a Cuban family, plenty of good rep for LGBTQ/non-binary people while also handling things like depression/anxiety, addiction, immigration, etc. It’s definitely making its mark on TV. Also, Rita Moreno is a living legend who I adore. I love this cast so much.

12 Monkeys: I. loved. this. show! I still think it had the best series finale that I have seen in a while. It wrapped up things so well that I was smiling for a while after watching it. I couldn’t believe that of all shows this one gave me a happy ending. lol Casserole remains one of my all-time ships because they were truly epic and pulled at my heart strings so many times. Jennifer Goines was my queen. But seriously, a show about time travel that managed to make sense? So impressed. And the visuals? gahhh

Friday Night Lights: Last, but most definitely not least, this show is just up there as one of the all-time bests IDC. The fact that at first glance the show seems centered only about football and it got me to keep watching definitely says something. lol This show had so much heart, the cast was excellent, an ending that was pretty much perfect. Coach & Tami Taylor were relationship goals. Honestly one of the best portrayals of a married couple I’ve ever seen because they were very much a team (while yes there was the occasional bickering that you gotta love) and it just felt real, you know? Also, it’s a show that proved that you can come back from a sophomore slump (yeah S2 was the worst season) and continue to be great.I can’t decide if it’s my favorite show of all-time but it’s certainly one of the first ones to come to mind. So glad I decided to give it a chance.

There’s probably a couple other shows I could list here but some I haven’t finished yet and don’t feel ready to put them on here yet. This is just what I could come up with.

[prorevenge]

You like picking on me at the office? It's just gonna cost you a pay raise. Oh and you might have to quit to save face.

TL;DR available at the bottom.

I'd like to emphasize early on that if your employer offers you the option to do an exit interview when you quit, or they fire you, by all means do it, especially if it is a toxic workplace. If they don't, well, fire off an e-mail to HR with some "constructive criticism" so that the company may "improve itself". And don't be afraid to say out loud all the things you've held in. Okay, lets begin.

Last year, after much thought, I decided to quit my job, the same one where I was working with LR, from my other revenge story. It wasn't specifically Bitch Face, as we'll call her that caused me to quit, but that just mixed in with other issues and eventually I just said fuck it, grabbed the first job opening I could find and went on my merry way.

See, bitch face, for some reason, had a knack for picking on me ever since I started at the job, as an intern, back in 2014 when I was half-way through college. The pay wasn't much, but it was the first real job I've ever had, plus, my boss at the time was a great person and to this day is still someone I can count on, and above all, a true friend.

Moving forward from all that mushy-gushy stuff, bitch face had a knack for picking on me ever since day one. At the beginning it was for minor stuff such as a mistake here and there, it was natural since I was still learning the ropes and hey, mistakes get made, but eventually it started growing. If you've worked at a mindless bureaucratic desk jockey type of job, you know that at a few points in the day people are just going to slow down their rhythm and start idle chat about what they've been up to and on and on...

Naturally this is how people got to know me and such. Not gonna lie, I was a pretty boring person, so whenever I did something, people would ask about literally all the details. At first, it began with bitch face calling bullshit on my backstory. Whatever, I just brushed it off. The next major one, is where she really did dial it up a notch was when I went out for a little "postgraduate" activities. AKA, drinks after class with friends. Someone took a picture, where I was clearly seen sipping on a fancy cocktail, posted it on facebook and tagged me, for everyone to see.

Well Bitch face the next Monday nonchalantly asked me about it and went on in a tirade about how I was becoming an alcoholic and other things... It wasn't something I did often so it ended up as an in-joke of sorts, but Bitch face still insisted on it every chance she got. Also, one of our colleagues that regularly went out on Fridays and got shitface and also loudly and proudly admitted to it... well, bitch face thought that was normal and never paid any mind to it.

Next big incident was when I accidentally blurted out I was going to take shooting classes. Bitch face loved it. Literally managed to stop the whole office when she found out because she was 100% sure that the week after classes I would show up to work like Rambo, with a machine gun in each hand, a red bandana and a taste for vengeance.

Not only she blatantly said that it was a SERIOUS character fault, but also went in a tirade about it was also the result of me not going to church enough, a bad upbringing among other things... I actually had a sit down with my boss to talk about it and ask him to intervene, which he did, and she got a big chewing out by our manager. She didn't stop though.

Two months later I took over one of my colleague's duties while she was on 4 months maternity leave. Bitch face nitpicked everything I did, for 4 months. If she found any mistakes or anything, she loudly and proudly announced it to the whole office. At the time I was also going to the therapist for stress and depression related issues, and my therapist said I should really look into changing jobs since there was nothing I could really do to fight Bitch face, since she had been at the company for 10+ years and knew the manager for 10+ years also...

A month after my colleague returned and I got back to my usual activities, I get my paid vacations and halfway through them, I found a job opening at a local fruit distributor. I know it was shady, but hell, I took it. After going through all the bureaucratic mess, HR asked if I'd like to do an exit interview, but that unfortunately wasn't possible due to me having found a new job and already being in it, so instead they just told me to fire off an e-mail to the head of HR.

Fast forward 5 months to yesterday evening, at a café with my old boss, chewing the fat and catching up on things, he let me on that the one e-mail I sent to the head of HR ended up in quite a bit of blow back on Bitch face's career. While I did write about the positive things I saw in the company in my e-mail, and stated the reasons I was quitting, the bit about the "rotten bits" of the company created quite some backlash.

Apparently the head of HR had a sit down with our branch's manager and the company's director about the e-mail and said she was quite concerned about the feedback she had received, especially the part where I talked about being persecuted and harassed in the office for just about anything I did. I didn't name anyone specifically in the e-mail, but pointed out several situations where I was harassed and a double standard was applied in regards to my colleagues. Obviously, this reflects poorly on someone's reputation as a manager, being that HR will keep in it file nam omne aeternum (for all eternity).

Our manager called my boss and Bitch face for a sit down of her own. She proceeded to give Bitch Face a big chew out, because of it, and apparently it cost Bitch Face a big pay raise. It also apparently tipped the balance on our manager's plans since she decided to call it quits. In turn, Bitch Face realized that her work ethics would not bode well with the new manager that would have none of it, and has since also decided to quit.

TL;DR Bitch face harassed me at the workplace for almost literally breathing. I quit, fire off an e-mail to HR, which in turn has a sit down with the branch manager and the company's director. Manager is less than pleased, denies bitch face's pay raise and decides to call it quits. New manager comes in, bitch face's work ethics are less than optimal, bitch face quits to save face. Still a bitch though.

(source) (story by Classy_Pyro)

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Four

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry. 

(Fluffy part....and I will give a bit of a trigger warning here, y/n mentions abuse from an ex. This is sort of a short part, I part five is long and I promise it delivers on the smut. )

Part One Part Two Part Three

You left work a little early Wednesday. You had been marinating your cauliflower since the morning. But you wanted to make everything perfect for Harry. You put a table cloth over your small table, and added a single candle. You plated up your buffalo cauliflower. You spooned some blue cheese into a small bowl. You knew he wouldn’t eat it, but you needed it for yourself. You also put out some celery and carrots. You put a bottle of voka and some tonic out. Drinking on a work night wasn’t something you did often, but you knew vodka wouldn’t leave you with a hangover. He texts you letting you know he’s downstairs. You buzz him in and open your door.

“Love?” You hear him say.

“In the kitchen!” You yelp. He walks in. He’s wearing those black ripped jeans again. You can slightly see his thigh tattoo. The black t-shirt he’s wearing is slightly tattered too. You notice he took his boots off at the door.

He comes right up to you, and takes you in for a hug, he simply hold you for a few moments, and sighs happily.

“Y’alright?”

“Yeah, just a long day. Sorry for my appearance, I didn’t want to be late, and stupid me forgot to pack extra clothes.”

“You look fine. Sit, dinner’s ready.” You smile. He sits down at the table, and you hand him a serving utensil so he can take as much as he wants.

“This smells great, (y/n).”

“Thanks, it’s my own sauce recipe. It’s vegan, but the blue cheese isn’t.” You laugh.

“No worries, I don’t need it anyways.” He pops a smaller piece of cauliflower into his mouth, and nearly chokes. “Holy shit, this is spicy. Well done.” He takes a sip of the glass of water you left for him. You both decide you don’t need the alcohol tonight. You’re secretly thankful.

“I had some extra strawberries, no chocolate though.” You say after finishing dinner, bringing a bowl of strawberries to the table.

“Oh, thanks. Another thing I forgot about, bringing dessert.”

“Harry, it’s okay.” You look over at your couch. “Come on, let’s go sit down and get comfy, and you can tell me about your day.”

He grabs the bowl of strawberries and places it on your coffee table. Before you sit he grabs your wrist.

“Would it be alright if we, like, cuddled?” He looks at you with tired eyes.

“Of course.” Your heart flutters.

He lays on the couch, resting up against the pillow on the end near the armrest. You place your body on his, and he runs his hand across your back. He lets out another happy sigh.

“So how was your day?”

“Stressful.”

“I gathered. What happened?”

“Just these people I was working with, they didn’t understand my vision, and we kept fighting. It took nearly three hours to get two decent shots. Finally, they understood where I was going with it and let me do my thing. It was exhausting.”

“I’m sorry.” You nuzzled into his chest. You felt like you could fall asleep. Before you knew it, you heard light snores. You looked up and saw Harry’s eyes closed, and lips parted. You smiled at the beautiful site. You soon drifted off as well.

“Oh shit.” You awake to him rustling underneath you.

“Mm, what time is it?” You press into his chest.

“Only around eight-thirty. We slept for like two hours.”

“Must’ve needed it.”

“Love, I hate to move you, but I desperately need a wee.”

“Oh!” You immediately get off him. He goes down the hall to the half bath. You go use your bathroom as well.

He gets back to the couch first. Confused that you’re not there, but realized you probably needed a wee as well. He smiles at you as you come sauntering back in. You sit down next to him, and you both put your feet on the coffee table, his hanging over the other side. He really is tall. You grab the remote and turn the TV on. He puts an arm around you, and snuggle into him.

“Right, what are we watching?”

“How do you feel about Chopped?”

“Love it.” You smile, beaming up at him. You stretched your neck out and winced. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just think there’s a little kink in my neck from how we fell asleep is all.”

“Damn, that’s my fault. Want me t’rub it?”

“That would be great.”

You two adjust yourselves so he has his back against the arm rest, and you sitting between his long legs. His soft touch feels amazing on your neck and shoulders. You lean back further into him, and let out a small moan as he massages out a particular knot in the back of neck.

“Ugh, that feels so good Harry.” He adjusts himself a little, and continue to rubs your neck. His legs tighten around yours a little. You realize now what you’re doing to him, and you feel bad, honestly. You think of what you and Niall talked about the other night, but you still feel like you’re not ready. Harry lightly taps your shoulders and presses a kiss to the back of your head.

You move your arm to hook around him so you can give his hair a gentle squeeze. He presses his hips to your back side and feel him twitch against you. His hands slide down your arms and wrap around your waist. He kisses you on the cheek, down your jaw, and then down to your neck. He doesn’t waste any time to get your skin between his teeth. You lean back as far as you can into him. His hands move up your stomach a little, and stop just below your breasts. You want to give him the go ahead to touch you, but you don’t speak up.

You’re too busy practically panting from the way he’s sinking into your skin. He’s trying to show what he can do with his mouth, he has to be. You find yourself suddenly on your feet.

“Sorry, did I…did I do something wrong?” He puts his hands up. “Did I leave too big of a mark last time?”

“No, no. It’s not you, Harry. I just think, you know, it’s a work night, and I have to be up early. So I think we should stop that for tonight.”

“I barely even got to kiss you.” He says looking at you with big eyes, and his bottom lip jutting out in the cutest pout you’ve ever seen. It breaks your heart. “Can I see ya Friday night?” You sigh in relief that he’s not mad.

“Yes, of course.” He stands up and takes you in his arms. You look up at him and kiss him. He kisses you back, but only for a minute. He presses his forehead to yours.

“I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but you’re doing something to me. I can’t quite explain it, but I like the way I feel when I’m with you.” You could keel over. A man had never been so honest with you.

“I like the way I feel when I’m with you too, Harry.”

With that he gives you one more squeeze and he’s out the door. You groan to yourself. You know you’re doing what’s best, but you just want to let him ravage you.

Harry speeds quickly to Niall’s, and lets himself in. Niall is sat on his couch in his boxers with a pint of ice cream.

“Uh, hey man?”

“Sorry for just barging in so late.”

“Did you see (y/n)?”

“Yeah.” He paces across the room and runs his hands through his hair. “We had a really nice and relaxing night, and then I did what I always do, I took it too far. But I couldn’t help it!”

“What happened?”

“I was giving her a neck rub, and it was strictly to help her out, nothing sexual. Then she moaned out ‘oh Harry that feels so good’, and I, well you know how it is when a girl says something like that.”

“So, what happened?”

“Well, she let me kiss on her, and I thought she was into it, and then all of a sudden she was telling me it was getting late. I feel terrible. I wish she felt like she could talk me through whatever happened to make her feel so uncomfortable.”

“Harry,” Niall starts, putting his ice cream down. “Listen, I can’t tell ya everything, but she has a valid reason for wanting to take it slow. If it makes you feel better, she’s really battlin’ with herself over it. She wants to give you more, but she’s scared.”

“Of me?”

“No, she’s actually amazed by you. She said it was refreshing that you’re being so cool about everything.”

“Then what is she scared of?”

“Giving it to another guy who will just leave her the next day.”

“Is that what happened with her ex?”

“Sort of, there’s a lot more to it. But that’s a story she should really tell you, not me.”

“Alright. I’m seeing her Friday, maybe she’ll feel comfortable opening up to me then. This’ll be our third week seeing each other. She makes me feel so happy, I can’t explain it.”

“Have you told her that?”

“Tonight actually.”

“Good, she’s definitely someone that needs that reassurance.”

“Good to know.”

“No offense, but did you go over there lookin’ like that?”

“It was either this or be late.” Harry raises his middle finger to his friend.

The next day you wake up like you have a hangover. You can barely get yourself out of bed. You were up all night thinking about Harry, and not in a fun way. You felt like you were lying to him or something. Today all you can put together for an outfit are some black dress pants, black flats, a white shirt, and a blush pink blazer. Today was Niall’s day to bring coffee, thank god. By the time you left the house you surely would’ve been late if you had to stop. Your coffee was waiting for you on your desk when you got there. You took it and walked down to his office. You tap on the outside of his door frame.

“Hey.” You say.

“Mornin’, come in.” He waves you in with a smile. You close his door most of the way. “Oh boy. What’s wrong?”

“Do you think I should tell him what happened? I feel like I keep sending mixed signals. I mean, when I think about it, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“(y/n), it was a big deal. You almost wasted away to nothing, and you had to see a therapist.”

“Okay, okay, so how do I explain that to him?”

“Just be honest, he’s a really understanding guy. I’m sure some clarity on his end would be good.”

“Has he mentioned anything to you?” You ask, looking down at your shoes. “Sorry, I don’t want you to be in the middle of this.”

“A little…he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

“He does everything right. But I thought my ex was too, and I know he’s not him, it’s just hard.”

“Maybe you should go in for a session.” You roll your eyes with disgust. “Just an idea.”

“I know you’re right, and I shouldn’t treat you like my therapist.”

“That’s not what I was sayin’. I’m just sayin’ that clearly this is still something that bothers ya.”

“I think it’ll get better once I talk to Harry. What’s on the agenda today?”

“Here, got this flash drive for ya, and a memo saying how they want these clips edited together. Work ya magic.” You take the flash drive from him and smile.

You head back down the hall to your office, and you stop short when you see someone standing in your office. He turns around, it’s Harry. He smiles warmly at you, and you smile back, a little confused.

“Mornin’.” He says to you.

“Morning.” You say, kissing him on the cheek. You put the flash drive on your desk. “What are you doing here?”

“I was in the area, and I just wanted to check in and see how you were. I was worried about you last night.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet. I’m fine. I was actually wondering if we could meet after work tonight. There’s something I want to tell you, and I don’t want it to ruin our date tomorrow.”

“Sure, but dontcha usually go to the gym after work?”

“I’m too tired for that today. I barely slept last night.” His face falls at your admission.

“Wanna meet at the coffee shop down the street from here?”

“That would be perfect.”

You get your work done, somehow. You tell Harry to just meet you by your car in the parking lot. Your knuckles are white while gripping the steering wheel. He gets in a few minutes later.

“Hi, sorry, I just wanted to talk more privately.” You say looking for at him.

“Of course, love.” You take a deep breath.

“Okay, and it may be way too soon to be talking about this since we’ve only known each other a few weeks, but I feel like you need some explanation for my behavior.” He just looks at you and gives you an encouraging smile. “So, over a year ago, I started seeing someone. We had gone on about four dates, I think. I really liked him, and I thought he liked me. I brought him back to my place on our fourth date. My hope was just to maybe make out.” You swallow. “Maybe a little more, but not go all the way.” Harry nods, his eyebrows furrowed, all his concentration on you. “But he had…other plans.” You feel your eyes start to tear up, but you swallow it back. “It started off fine, and it was like all of a sudden I was naked, and so was he. Everything happened so fast, he took out the condom faster than I could say anything. He was rough with me, and in the moment I didn’t feel safe enough to speak up to tell him to stop.” You take another deep breath. “After it was over, he kissed me goodbye and told me he’d call the next day. He didn’t call for like three days, and he broke every date we had planned.” You look away from Harry. “I basically shut down. I had never felt so used in my life. I missed a week of work. I told them I had the flu. I didn’t eat or bathe. I basically stayed in bed for an entire week. I had never felt that low in my life. It wasn’t until Niall basically broke into my apartment that I got my act together. I didn’t feel great, but I went back to work. I eventually went to therapy, it helped a lot. I learned to stop blaming myself for what happened. That guy was an asshole, and doesn’t deserve to ruin my life. But I guess ever since him I’ve been so guarded about having sex so quickly with someone, I guess out of fear of like just being used and hurt. I know there are people out there that have had worse than me, but for whatever reason this really affected me.”

You look over at Harry, and he is full on sobbing, tears staining his cheeks. He wipes his eyes with his shirt. You wipe your eyes as well. You hadn’t realized you had even started crying. He takes your hand in his, and kisses it.

“I am so sorry that happened to you. You’re so brave. And don’t compare yourself to others, what happened sounds horrible. I don’t understand how people can do things like that. I don’t understand how men can get pleasure by forcing themselves onto someone. I’m sorry if I pushed you into telling me.”

“Oh, Harry, you didn’t push me. I wanted to tell you. I feel much better now that it’s out in the open. You’ve made me feel so comfortable every time we’re together. I didn’t want you to feel like I was rejecting you.”

“I didn’t, don’t worry. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t doing something wrong.”

“I appreciate that, so much.” You smile at him. He puts a hand on your cheek, and you lean into it. “Thank you for listening.”

“Thank you for sharing your story with me.” Harry’s phone starts to ring, but he ignores it.

“You can get that, Harry.” He reaches into his pocket.

“Shit, it’s work, one sec.” He answers it. “Yeah? Oi, I left it on my desk for ya. Ya I did. Didja check again? Okay, go inta my office, yup, it’s on the left hand side. Got it? Okay good. See ya tomorrow.” He hangs up. You can’t help but notice how thick his accent got on the phone. “Sorry bout that. I swear I work with some real wankahs.” You giggle at the word. “What?”

“Nothing, I just thought that was a word only used in movies.”

“Nope, we really say it. We also say bullocks in case you were wonderin’.”

“I’ll remember that.” You laugh.

“Well, I’m sure you’re drained. You should get home and relax. What would you like to do tomorrow?”

“I’d love to come to your place again. I really liked it there.”

“Alright, whatdya say I pick ya up, and we get some food, and then go to my place.”

“I’d like that.”

“Do me a favor, let me know what you get home.”

“Alright.” You lean in and kiss him on the cheek. You linger for a moment, and then he exits out of the car.

[tinybibmpreg]

Day 95 // ft. Clyde, Mishal, Sawyer, and Aiden/Aster

#74 / Cousin

“I can’t take the loneliness anymore.” Teary eyes looked down into his own as Clyde stood at the doorway, mouth agape. “Please, can I come in, brother?”

“Sawyer?”

-

Aster opened his eyes and immediately tipped over. His whole body felt strange and tired, and when he got his bearings and looked around, he could see that he was at the edge of a forest and a wide field full of tall grass and yellow flowers. It was bright and sunny, the air pleasantly warm.

He’d never left the city before.

As he pushed himself up, his clothes were clearly not his own. He didn’t own a pair of overalls and velcro shoes, and he never wore short sleeves.

His arms were not his own. His scales and scars had been replaced by smooth skin, and his dark nails were a normal human shade. His skin was a healthy brown instead of his dark, greyish-green flesh tone.

“Where am I? What… what am I?” he asked aloud, though there was no one around to answer him.

He spotted a building on top of a hill on the other side of the field and began walking towards it. Maybe he could find someone to help him, tell him where he was and help him figure out whose body he was currently occupying. While he’d never personally occupied someone’s body before, he knew it was possible. He’d heard someone mention it before.

Someone…

His parents, he was sure. But why they were discussing it, he wasn’t sure. Things were a bit fuzzy as he tried to recall what his parents were like. The image of a terrible monster came to mind without any difficulty, his father, but he couldn’t remember what his mother looked like. It was as if someone had erased his face and name from his memory.

At the end of the field there was a path leading around the hill up to the building, so he walked along it. His head started to hurt, and when he brought a hand up to his forehead, his fingers came back covered in blood.

“Hey!” Someone said, rushing off of the porch of the building as he reached the top of the hill. She came straight for him and knelt down in front of him. “Kiddo, where have you been? You’ve been gone for hours- you’re hurt!”

“Y-yeah…”

“Come on, let’s get you to the infirmary.” She picked him up and started walking off in the opposite direction of the field. Beyond the hill was a campus of some kind, with all sorts of different buildings and stone paths connecting them. There was a large expanse in the center, a park.

The person brought him into a white building labeled ‘medical center’ and went up to the front desk. They were waved into a hallway, where a doctor greeted them and lead them into a room. Aster was put down on an exam table.

“What happened to him?”

“I don’t know. I found him wandering around. Kiddo, what happened?”

The doctor gave her a pointed look and drew back with surprise when Aster answered, “I woke up in the forest, and walked across the field. I don’t know how I got hurt.”

“Ah- he talked! He never talks-”

“You don’t remember?” The doctor got over her surprise far quicker. “Might be some memory loss due to a head injury. Alright, hon, can you tell me your name?”

His mother had warned him never to tell his name to anyone. So Aster decided that he would run with it, pretending to have amnesia. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know your name?” He shook his head. “Ah… How about your birthday?”

“June 21st.”

“Good. You got that. And the year?” He gave the right year as well and felt sick. What was this? Why was this body the same age as him? “Do you know where you are?”

“A doctor’s office. I saw the sign. And you’re obviously a doctor.”

“No, no. Where is the office located?”

“I don’t know. It looks like a school.”

“And where is the school?”

“I don’t know.”

“What day is it?”

“Tuesday.”

“No. It’s Friday.” He was missing time. Why was he missing time? The doctor dabbed at the wound on his head. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I woke up in the woods, and then I fell down,” he lied. The last thing he remembered was pulling on his coat to go out and get groceries with his mother. “But that’s not how I hurt my head. It was already hurt.”

The doctor fixed the wound and concluded that he didn’t have a concussion. The blood was cleaned off of him, and a bandage was placed over the gash. She checked him over for any more injuries, only finding a bruise on his arm from when he’d fallen.

Two people came in, and only one of them looked familiar, a pale man with dull black hair and anxious, light green eyes. But he didn’t recognize either of them.

“Aiden!” The green-eyed man came to hug him, a relieved smile on his face, and Aster scooted away, eyes wide. “Aiden?”

“Wh-who are you?”

The man’s smile slowly faded away as he searched his face, confusion going to shock and then dismay. “Aiden…? What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“Aiden. Is that my name?” Also disturbing, that this body had a name similar to his own. Starting with an A, with the same amount of letters, an e second to last. Aster could hardly bear it. What kind of cruel joke was this? It must have been his father’s doing, though he hadn’t seen him in months.

But… his father had never done something like this to him before, so it wouldn’t make sense. He had no reason to put his son inside a different child’s body. Aster was sure they’d swapped places. Why would his father switch him with some boy he’d never met?

“You don’t remember who I am?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

-

He was brought to the hospital to make sure he didn’t have some sort of hard to detect head injury, and after two days, was allowed to go home, to Aiden’s home. The green-eyed man was his mother, Clyde Raleigh, and the other man, who had dark skin and one blind eye, was Mishal Raleigh, his father.

When they got home, Mishal carried him in and said, “Home sweet home! Anything familiar?”

He’d never been in this house. “No.”

“That’s okay. The doctors said you should start getting your memories back in familiar surroundings. And these are the most familiar surroundings you’ve got!”

The house was open but cozy. There were pictures and paintings on the walls, little knick-knacks on shelves and surfaces. All the outlets were childproofed, and Aster noticed that anything sharp or breakable was placed out of his reach.

Mishal showed him around the house and then set him down in his bedroom. “Here’s your room!” Everything was his favorite color of turquoise and light green, which made him sure this was specific and malicious. It was tormenting, the similarities. Aster went over and picked up a toy, a stuffed bear. It looked ugly, a red color he didn’t like at all. “That’s-” Mishal faltered when Aster dropped it on the ground and moved on to look at a box of building blocks.

“Huh?”

Lifting up the bear, Mishal finished, “This is your favorite toy, Mr. Bear.”

“Oh. It’s kind of ugly.”

“Your grandma got it for you.”

“Mhmm.” If he was going to be stuck here for the foreseeable future, he needed to explore. There was a plastic snowglobe atop his dresser, so he took it and shook it. Snow fell down on the tiny city inside, a mini Boston. Where he lived.

He made a mental note to smash the globe and set it back down. The majority of the toys in Aiden’s bedroom were plushies or toys meant for very young children. Mishal watched him as he explored all his toys, and Clyde joined in as well.

Finding an abandoned box of thick crayons made him happy, and he soon found a notebook he could draw in. The first few pages were filled with scribbles, so he found a fresh page and did some scribbles as well, not wanting to call any attention to his difference in art skills.

“Aiden, are you hungry?” Clyde asked.

“Yeah.”

“Come on downstairs, and Mom will make you something to eat.”

What Clyde made him was something bland with rice, and he ate part of it before deciding that he’d really rather not. He picked at the rest of it.

“What’s wrong, Ai? That’s usually your favorite.”

“I don’t like it.”

“You don’t? What would you like?”

“I don’t know.”

“How about some of Dad’s leftover lunch? I’ve got half a sandwich left.” Mishal got a lunchbox out of the fridge and put it down in front of him. He opened it up and unwrapped the sandwich.

Clyde sighed. “Mishal, you know he doesn’t like that kind of thing.”

Aster picked it up and started to eat it. It was much better than whatever else he’d been eating.

“Well, it looks like he likes that kind of thing now.”

“Ah…”

-

Aster knew that he was far too different from Aiden for Mishal and Clyde to accept easily, though Mishal was delighted to introduce him to ‘new’ things that Aiden had previously shunned. What he didn’t expect though, was for Clyde to figure out that something was dreadfully wrong after just two weeks. Aster belatedly realized that Clyde, who had suddenly begun to encourage him to paint whatever he wanted after a trip to a therapist, was tricking him. Since he’d told the story that the pictures of his father were just a creature from a nightmare, he’d continued drawing him, drawing other things from his real life.

He overheard the two of them talking and hid around a corner in order to listen to them. Clyde sounded nervous, while Mishal’s voice was disbelieving, “What?”

“I don’t think he’s our son.”

“Clyde, what are you talking about? Aiden is ours.”

“He feels like Aiden, and looks like him, but- he’s completely different. He talks different, acts different... He’s so much smarter, and his whole personality is completely warped. It’s like he’s a whole new child. He had no injury to his brain, so there’s no explanation for his amnesia.”

“That the doctors could find. Clyde, I think you need to relax.”

“Mishal, he’s been lying to us. Aiden never lied.”

“Lying?”

“I can sense it. I didn’t, not at first, but now I can. He remembers things, but he’s not telling us. And I don’t think what he’s remembering is Aiden’s memories.”

“What? You think someone is controlling him?”

“I don’t know! I think we need to take him to the university, have him checked for any curses or spells. There’s a holiday in three days, we can take him then.”

“Alright. But Clyde, remember… He could very well still be our little boy. Don’t treat him differently, in case. He’s smart enough that he might resent you if you start treating him like a stranger.”

-

Mishal shook his shoulder to wake him up two days later. Aster mumbled, burying his face against Mishal’s neck when the man lifted him up. He brought him downstairs, and Clyde whispered to him, “Why did you bring Aiden down here?”

“I thought he might like to meet his uncle.”

“Uncle?” Aster looked up. Standing in the entryway was a man who looked very similar to Clyde, but taller and with older, sharper features. There was a long scar across his face, a line of small ones on his lips all the same size and width. Pale green eyes identical to Clyde’s stared directly into his own, and Aster fought to keep his expression neutral as a rush of altered memories came back to him.

“Mishal, Aiden, this is-”

“Sawyer Ganelon. I’m Clyde’s older brother, by five years.”

He was Aster’s mother. The body he was stuck in was his cousin’s. That was why their faces were similar. It didn’t explain why they were exactly the same age, but… It made sense why someone would choose this body to stick him into.

His mother looked exhausted, face gaunt and pale. Under his eyes were heavy bags, and around them, faint bruises. Aster looked down at his hands and saw that his fingers were in a similar state, mottled with bruises and small cuts.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sawyer!” Mishal held out a hand. His mother took it after a moment of hesitation. After a quick shake, he pulled his hand back. “What brings you here?”

“I need a place to stay for a while.”

“Sawyer…” Clyde bristled.

“Not forever. And not to do magic. I… I just need a month or so of peace.” He put a hand on his heavy belly. “My baby is due soon, and I’d like somewhere I can stay until we’re both strong enough to find a new apartment back in Boston.”

Aster couldn’t remember any reason why they’d have to move. He thought back to when he’d put on his coat to leave, and was surprised that now the memory continued. They’d gone to the store and gotten normal ingredients. Then they’d stopped at a magic shop, and his mother had told him to stay in the car and out of sight. He’d ducked down on the floor of the car. When his mother had come back with a strange smile on his face, his bags had been full of odd ingredients and devices.

He’d felt uneasy at the sight of them, even more so when his mother had locked them in his bedroom. The rest of the day had gone normally, and the last thing he now recalled was his mother giving him a kiss on the forehead before telling him to go to bed. He couldn’t remember going to sleep, or even moving from where he’d stood frightened in the hallway.

“Fine. Mishal?”

“Of course! Come on in, you look like you need to sit down. I’ll get you something to warm you up. Aiden, why don’t you show your uncle to the living room?” Mishal put him down, and he walked to the living room. The brothers followed him, Clyde going silent. His mother said nothing as well, not even after they all sat down.

There was a crash in the kitchen, and Clyde sighed and went to go investigate. As soon as his brother was gone, his mother turned to him and smiled. “Hello, Aiden, is it?”

He nodded. Then, voice a whisper, asked, “Mom?”

His mother pulled him into a tight hug. “I’ve got you, Aster.” It was so nice to hear his name again. But his mother pulled away from him and took his hands. He cupped them together in his own and mumbled something under his breath. When he separated them, a ball of Aster’s power hovered between them. It grew to the size of an apple and then fizzled out. Frowning, his mother said, “It didn’t work.”

“What didn’t work, Mom?”

“You don’t have to worry about that, little bug. I’ll take care of everything.” He gave him the eerie smile he’d had at home. “I always do.”

[engagedtobefree]

Phase 10: Back to the Beginning

Monday - Scott comes in in the morning, no sunglasses on since it’s gray out, so we can make good eye contact. It’s just a typical friendly greeting though, like I could have with anyone.

I am struggling today with what his intentions are now that I know he has a wife. I don’t even know what his intentions were before. At one point during the day, I’m at the printer talking to Joyce, who is at the coffee machine, and Scott comes back from lunch in through the warehouse door, which I’m facing. I’m still talking as we lock eyes, a slight smile on my face. He stops right in front of his doorway, a small, shy smile on his lips, and slowly raises his hand up in greeting. I would have done the same, but Joyce starts to turn to look at me to keep talking and I quickly turn back to her. As our conversation is ending though, Scott comes back out and is talking to Chris, who is heading into the office, and I am talking to Joyce but just flat-out staring at the back of Scott and I have to force myself to turn back to her. She most definitely noticed me staring at him too. I could just tell.

One thing about that interaction with Scott. It was so brief, but also something about it was sweet and tender. And in those few seconds, I felt like I was missing something: his side of the story. I couldn’t help feeling like there’s more to this situation that I’m just not aware of, which I guess is obvious, but it felt like he’s not as guilty as I might think he is. I don’t know. This could just be me and my eternal optimism that people aren’t always bad and have good intentions, but it was such a gut instinct that I feel like overthinking it and trying to second-guess it is actually the wrong thing here, so I have to go with the optimism. I am trying to put a puzzle together, but there are so many pieces missing, and the one who is holding them in his pocket doesn’t seem like he’s going to give them to me anytime soon.

I also read something today that threw me for a loop. So I came across an article where a study was done on people who cheat, and around like 40% of the people who cheat said that they’re happy and satisfied in their relationship. The result of the study was that cheating may be due to genetics and not outside factors. I was like “what the fuck” though reading this. It seemed like such a cop out to make people not responsible for their actions. And how do you love someone, are happy with them, say you’re satisfied, but then still go cheat on them? I want to know who this study was done on, because these people can’t possibly know what true happiness is. I could be wrong, but that’s just my opinion on it. I imagine if Scott is happy with his wife, why would all of this had gone on for so long? I don’t know, and it sucks not knowing. I know there are many roads this whole thing may travel down, and while an affair could possibly be one of those roads, I just couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be the other woman. I couldn’t contribute to someone’s pain like that. I hate when people cheat and I think it’s disgusting, and I would be disgusted with someone trying to cheat with me. And most importantly, I can’t afford to lose my job. I do still want Scott, would love for something to happen, but at the same time there’s the issue of him having a wife. Granted, I can’t know what his relationship or home life is like, but if it’s not something he wants then he should get out of it. I don’t know. This is such a tangled web of emotions.

Tuesday - I’m kicking myself for not waving back at Scott. Even if Joyce had noticed me doing it, it would’ve been worth it. What if he was trying to see if I’m still mad at him? What if he was trying to let me know everything is okay? 

I brought soup as part of my lunch and am about to heat it when Scott walks up to the microwave 2 seconds behind me (from the opposite hallway) to get into the mini fridge, which is right below the microwave. We say hey and he asks “Can I get in here real quick? The fridge, not the microwave.” I mean, I could be sarcastic here but I decide not to be lol. Obviously, I knew he was talking about the fridge. Sigh….men. We don’t interact again till the end of the day. I say bye to Pete and Joyce, then go back into my cubicle to log off my computer and make sure I grabbed all my stuff. As I come out, Scott had just passed. I am only about 3 feet behind him. I don’t know if I should say hi or just walk quietly. I can’t make up my mind, but don’t have to. As Scott turns at the end of the hallway, he sees me and asks, “Are you following me?”. He doesn’t say it playfully, but doesn’t say it serious either, so I don’t know how to take it. All I say back is “no.” We go outside and he says “See ya later.” I feel annoyed and confused. He pulls out before I do so I end up behind him. As the gate is opening, I see his head tilt up to look in his rear view mirror (he wears a hat every day, so he has to tilt his head up). I just pretend that I don’t notice and keep a neutral face.

Wednesday - In the morning, Nicole is printing a shit ton of stuff, so my stuff hasn’t even come out yet. We talk for a good 10 minutes probably, and at one point during our conversation, Scott comes walking in. I see him and we both smirk. I’m looking right into his sunglasses, but can’t see his eyes. He says good morning and then directly says good morning to me, and then I see that his eyes are locking with mine. Even as he greets Nicole, he is stilling locking eyes with me through his sunglasses. Idk if Nicole notices anything. I look at his butt as he walks towards his office because I always have to look at the butt. The butt is nice.

I am talking to Joyce again in the same spot as yesterday. Scott comes out of his office, sees me, and lifts the right corner of his mouth, but Idk if it’s a smile or not.

Okay, so here’s a big fucking thing worth mentioning. So I’m standing toward the end of my cubicle going through papers. Someone comes out of the bathroom. I check the dome security mirror at the top of one of the walls and see it’s Scott. He goes back into his office and comes out a second later to the recycling bin, which is just past my cubicle. I have my head slightly tilted up, but more so my eyes are lifted so I can see in the dome mirror. And what does Scott do? WHAT DOES SCOTT DO?? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT HE DOES HOLY SHIT. Okay, so as he’s walking back to his office, he turns his whole upper body around, bends over so he’s flat-backed, and looks into my cubicle so he can see me. I have to stop myself from laughing cuz it’s so funny and unexpected. I mean, I always wondered if he ever happened to peek in at me (excluding when he’s walking past my cubicle entrance, cuz I have seen him look in at me when he’s done that), and now I just confirmed that yes, he has probably done this before. I don’t know if he saw me looking into the mirror, but my hair was also sort of covering my face. Either way, we were both hardcore creeping, so it wasn’t just me. But I’m like okay, wow, he is still looking at me. My one friend was saying he probably wanted to just talk to me and be friendly, but I’m like no??? He never actually came into my cubicle to talk to me ever before, and he clearly didn’t want me to see him. Literally only two people now (aside from my therapist) actually believe me about Scott, of the few I’ve told. Everyone else has just been like “Oh, he’s not flirting, just friendly interactions. You’re misreading it.” NO. Interpersonal skills are literally my expertise and I am constantly analyzing people and their behavior, and I have some solid-ass intuition. I am not imagining any of this. This dude walked past my cubicle and literally turned his whole fucking body around to look in at me. There is no way to misread that. Here’s a quick little drawing I did to kinda map-out the scenario. He was bent over a little more than how I drew him, but you get the gist.

Thursday - I’m talking to Rebeca in the morning after Scott had already come in. She is at the coffee machine, so I’m also facing Scott’s office as I talk to her. He comes strolling out and I give a quick wave and he waves back.

I’m trying to clean some of the papers off of my desk and notice a sheet where I was labeling boxes, and noticed that I had forgotten to number the last 4 boxes I labeled and put away. So I grab the sheet and head to the cubicle where we keep the boxes. It’s full to capacity pretty much, so I am bending all the way over a box to write on another box when I hear someone pass behind me. I stand up and look to see who it was, and of course it was Scott. When I say “bent over” I mean literally bent across a box, my torso pressed down on top of it, my ass literally in the air, facing toward the hallway. I label the other 3 boxes, which are on the floor, and when I stand up I see Scott is still at the sink at the end of the hallway. I decide to chill and wait for him, so I crouch back down and act like I’m doing something. When I hear him coming I pop up and say “Hey, Scott!”. I think he expected this, because he was already smiling when I popped up. He says “Hey, Dana, what’s up?” and keeps walking back to his office.

Friday - Joyce is out, so I’m handling some of her work, which means I’ll be in and out of the warehouse more than usual. I also offer to Pete that if he needs me to take anything to the warehouse I can do it :) and he accepts my offer. Pete is older, so I know it’s easier on him, plus he’s always busy, so I’m really trying to help out while also giving myself some nice opportunity in the process since I will have to walk past Scott’s office to go into the warehouse.

In the morning, I’m at the printer when Scott comes in. I wave and say, “Hey, Scott. Good morning” and he responds with “Hey, Dana, how you doing?”. I am beaming at him, which I somehow can’t seem to help, but he doesn’t seem to mind me still greeting him and whatnot, so whatever.

I run into Scott many times today. A lot, actually. In the morning, as I’m coming out of Joyce’s cubicle (I had to put papers on her desk) and walking back to my cubicle, Scott goes walking into his office. He sees me and I give him a small smile, but he has a neutral face. I’m used to this reaction from him at times, so I don’t read into it. I’m too busy to be thinking about anything anyway. The first time I go out into the warehouse, a guy Mark is in Scott’s office talking to the guys, so I know Scott sees me go out. I try to walk kinda slow, but I don’t know how long Mark will talk for. As I head back from the warehouse, I open the door and Mark is just leaving their office, so he is blocking the doorway. I look in through the window, and see Scott is standing at his desk and leaning on his right elbow, body turned facing the door and window, and I see him start to wave with his left hand, but I don’t know if it’s directed at me or Mark. I couldn’t really look at Scott because Steve is also standing at his desk and he is right in front of the window, so if I look in or wave it will be very obvious. I only caught a small glimpse of Scott and couldn’t see where he was looking.

I was creeping in the dome mirror, so I saw Scott use the bathroom, so I’m waiting at the printer just to say hey when he comes out lol. It’s almost my lunch, so I take some orders out to the warehouse this way the dock guys can schedule pick-ups if they still need to. A few seconds after I go into the warehouse, I hear the door open behind me. I don’t turn and look to see who it is. I have a normal to fast walking pace, but I decide on normal. I’m half-hoping it’s Scott, but also maybe not. I have one of those wiggle-walks for sure. It has always been pointed out to me, and there are times where I’m very aware of it. I don’t think I have a great butt (I’d like to work on this), but yeah, my walk for sure is nice. So if Scott is behind me…idk lol idk how I feel about it. I go over to the dock guy and give him the order. When I turn around and look from where I came, I don’t see anyone, which I think is weird. Even if they walked really slow, they still would have caught up by now. I head back over to the walkway and then see Scott emerge from the side. He had clearly been waiting there, hidden out of sight. I know he didn’t just follow me out, since him and the guys always come out here, and he has papers with him, but he was most definitely waiting for me to walk back. He’s giving me a knowing sort of look and he says “Hey, Dana”. All I say is “hey” (I almost say "Hey, cutie" but catch myself) and I can’t help myself from staring at his mouth. He starts to smile and it feels like so long since I saw him smile, so I just gotta look. 

I go back to my desk and decide to use the bathroom. Scott had come in from the warehouse and I heard someone go into the bathroom, but I don’t think it’s him because he had just went like 15 minutes ago. I heard the person come back out but didn’t hear them walk by, which I thought was weird. I come out of my cubicle and almost bump right into Scott. I put my hand to my chest. “I keep bumping into you haha!”, I say and he just laughs and keeps walking. I forgot how freaking quiet he can be when he’s walking. Like, I don’t even hear him sometimes.

I see Scott a few more small random times, really just in my peripheral vision and then when I go to the filing cabinet and he’s talking to the receptionist, his back facing me. When I go up to the break room to get my apple and come back down, in the 2 split seconds I walk past the other warehouse door, Scott comes in from the warehouse. He does a sort of smile with the noise people make when they do the crooked smile thing with the finger guns (kinda like the noise Taylor Swift makes in Blank Space between “ But I’ve got a blank space baby” Insert Noise “And I’ll write your name”). He did the crooked smile thing, just no finger guns lol.

Scott normally leaves on time on Fridays. But he gets a call at like 4:42 and he tells the guy on the phone to give him 5 minutes and he’ll send stuff over to him. I’m not staying extra just to say bye lol. But hearing Scott talk, ugh. He can have just the softest voice. Idk if the guy on the phone was upset or something, but Scott’s voice is just so soothing right now. He has the type of voice where if something bad is going on and you’re freaking out, he’s the one you want to be talking to you. I’ve heard him talk like this before on the phone, but Idk, right now it seems even more soothing than usual, but maybe just because I’m sitting here not doing anything and just waiting to leave, so my brain is only focused on one thing.

I really wanted to return a nice, unrushed wave to Scott this week, like the one he gave me Monday, but it didn’t happen. I thought these posts would be getting shorter, but despite Scott and I not having any conversation for 2 solid weeks, there is still stuff happening. I feel kinda like how it was at the beginning before we started having conversations. I am not sure where I want this to go, not sure what Scott’s side of the story is, but I would still at least like to talk to him and I think flirting is okay, at least on my end. I don’t plan on actually making any moves on Scott, and as I’ve said before, I’m single so in my eyes I’m good. I’m not going to focus on Scott��s side because anything he does is on him. I still like the excitement in my day though, and I do still like Scott. It’s kinda hard to get over someone when you work 15 feet from them 5 days a week and when you’re always bumping into each other. I’m trying to focus less on it/him and I think I am, but damn if this man doesn’t have some sort of hold on my heart right now.

[there-willbeblood]

Chapter 8: La Forza della Tigre

STEVE'S POV

I tapped my pen in a systematic rhythm on the wood of my desk in my penthouse as I thought about…well, nothing in particular but I felt like I should be doing something productive. The only problem was that I couldn't bring myself to get busy with anything.

It had been like this for the past week, ever since I met Natalia at the fountain to return her purse.

What the hell was wrong with her?

My normal tricks didn't work. Usually, it took three minutes, five tops to hook a woman. I had gotten it down to a very mechanical and precise routine but Natalia shattered all that to hell. What the heck was her problem?

"I bet she's a lesbian." I nodded, trying to convince myself of that but it wasn't working.

This girl was grating on my last nerves. As a man who likes to play games and make conquests,

Natalia should have been an easy kill for me, a simple mark but somehow, my charm hadn't worked. I had been going over the events of that Sunday for the past week, trying to figure out where I went wrong but my photographic memory allowed me to see that I played my role to perfection. Therefore, the blame had to be placed on her.

I couldn't sleep that night. Well, I never slept but that night I was increasingly restless, all because of that damned Natalia. She was like a bug that was trying to borough under my skin and wouldn't leave me alone. She was becoming a serious problem in my eyes.

By Tuesday, she was clouding my judgment, making me forget simple things and I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. By Thursday, I had literally tried to fuck her out of my system by calling over almost every girl in my little black book but none of them were helping because I had already conquered them. By Friday, I was high on a shipment of cocaine that my father got from Vietnam and yet Natalia was still able to break the barriers of my drug induced haze.

It was now Saturday, one of my days off but guess who was sitting at his desk like a bitch, trying to figure some girl out? Me!

I never once in my life had to work this hard for a lay and I had only met the woman twice, both times lasting less than a minute. Natalia…

Natalia.

Natalia.

Natalia?

What kind of name was that anyway?

I guess I could go to her but that was against my morals, code, routine, whatever you wanted to call it. I didn't chase women, they chased me. I half expected her to call on Monday but something about her told me that she wouldn't. It was weird. I felt like I knew this girl even though I had barely laid eyes on her. I had called her first, to give her the purse back. That was my gentlemanly hook and she was supposed to bite.

I kind of lost my cool with her for a second when I saw her at the fountain but that was only because she was distracting me. She looked…stunning even in her dressed down attire that I found oddly refreshing. I never wore anything but suits and the occasional workout clothes when I went to the gym but anything else wasn't appropriate. In any case, Natalia kind of took me off guard that day.

I could usually just walk up to a girl, spit my lines, have her on my arm in five minutes, and have her in my bed within the hour. Natalia made me anxious for some reason. She made me awkward and I had grown out of that fucking stage. I was a grown man and this wasn't high school so why did I feel like it was.

She was the hot cheerleader and I was the nerdy band geek but even in high school, I knew how to get women. Natalia was different.

"She's a lesbian." I said again. I hit my pen more furiously on the desk as I thought about this chick. I had to figure her out.

I had to find a way to see her again and to make sure that I wasn't fucking crazy. I had to redo my act so that she would get it this time. I thought I had her there for a minute but then she flipped on me.

To make matters worse, Bucky couldn't stop talking about her. He was always mentioning 'The Black Widow’ from Plasma and I was about to blow his head off. She was mine to conquer and he just kept going on about how beautiful she looked that night at the club. I knew that already, what I wanted to know was how beautiful she looked with her clothes off.

Bucky and I had never fought over girls, it was never that serious, but with Natalia, it might come to that. I didn't care what he did with her after I was finished but I had to be first. He was trying to find her number in the Northwestern registry but wasn't having much luck since they had a lot of their records protected. I would get some sort of reprieve when he asked about the other girl with Natalia that night but besides the giant taser, I didn't really remember her.

He didn't know that I had already made contact with Natalia and I was planning on keeping that to myself. He would never let me forget it if he learned that I struck out.

I had never had to deal with this before so the fact that I was sitting here with a girl on my mind was unfounded. Maybe I should start seeing my therapist again. What the fuck was wrong with me? I usually had the mental strength of a tiger but now I felt more like a rabbit or some shit like that.

I had to get her out of my head or I was going to go insane.

The phone rang, jolting me out of my seat. I reached for my gun that was in the open top drawer of the desk but put it back once I realized it was nothing.

"Jesus." I calmed myself, "Pull it together Steve." I ran my hand through my hair and smoothed out my shirt like the person on the other end of the phone could see me.

I picked up, "Rogers."

"Rogers? That's my phone answering reply." My father laughed.

"Oh, hi Dad." I shuffled some papers on my desk so it sounded like I was working, "Did you need something?"

"Can't a father call his son without me needing anything?"

"I guess." I said skeptically.

"So…how's it going? You've seemed distracted lately."

"Fine. Nothing to report. You know me, just daydreaming about what it would be like to be out there, enjoying my summer." I joked. We both knew that wasn't true.

"You get more like me every day. I was in your same position at that age." He sighed. "The thrill of youth."

"I've seen the pictures. Your youth days were pretty fulfilling if I remember correctly."

"Don't get me started. I remember one time…" He paused for a couple of second. "…well we won't get into that."

"Uh huh. Don't be ashamed or your wild days." I laughed.

"Okay, I see I need to keep things professional with you. I do have a reason for calling."

"I knew it."

"Anyway, we have an issue with the Japanese syndicate."

"Oh?"

"Did you read this morning's paper?"

"No, I didn't get the chance." I cradled the phone on my shoulder so that I could look up The Chicago Tribune on the computer, "Fill me in."

"Thor should be calling you soon with the details but basically, Shinobu screwed us over."

"What did he do now? I swear, I told him to keep everything quiet."

"Well he's back in the states now but the shipment was caught trying to get into the country. Everyone's making a big deal about it. He got caught with my guns Steve." My father stressed and I heard an indication of terror in his voice.

The Rogers have several ways of getting what we needed into the country. If you were coming from the South America or Mexico, it was easy as driving across. The security down there was shit so no one really cared. Coming across an ocean was more difficult although not impossible. Guns were the hardest since they couldn't be concealed like drugs but over the years, my father had perfected his methods. I didn't know the real logistics of it all but what I did know was that we had a massive web of illegal activity under our name and had yet to be caught.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked him.

"I was smart enough to keep the destination under wraps so no one knows where the guns were headed but now they're sitting in some government warehouse. Those are mine, Steve and someone has to pay for them because I have to hand them over to the Russians soon. "

"I know, I know." I went through records in my head, trying to figure out how much of a mess we were in, "What happened to Shinobu?"

"He's sitting pretty in his penthouse downtown since the Feds let him go. He just called me and apologized. Can you believe that? He apologized to me for losing my shipment. He didn't send money, compensation, nothing."

"Do we have to do this on a Saturday?" I groaned.

"You have something better to do?"

Yes, think about Natalia.

"No." I replied.

"Then we're finishing this. I want my compensation and you boys need to go get it."

"Alright, fine. You'll have your guns by the end of the day Old Man."

My father's voice seemed to calm in an instant, " Thank you and tell your brothers to come over for dinner tonight. You're more than welcome if you want but I know how you like to go out on Saturdays."

" I'll be there." I hung up the phone and beat my head on the table.

There were few days when I would rather sit and do nothing than get out there with my gun but today was one of those days. I would have given anything to stay in bed but business called. What did normal twenty-five year olds do anyway? I would have to find out later.

I made a quick call to Bucky who was already geared up to go and then Thor who was busy trying to make an inventory of what we needed. I was slightly impressed when he told me that he was already on the situation until he went off onto a tangent of the fun him and Jane had last night. That's Thor for you. A layer of brains wrapped under a layer of muscle and then sexual stupidity.

I shutdown my computer, straightened out my desk and then made sure I had everything I needed before leaving the office on the second floor of my apartment. I went into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and shoved a granola bar down my throat before throwing my jacket over my shoulder. I locked up and set the security code before shutting the door to my apartment.

I was in the elevator a couple of seconds later and tapped my foot on the carpeted floor, noticing how ugly the thing looked. It was a drab beige color that had no life to it. It wasn't like I cared but since this was my building I wanted to make sure that it at least looked presentable. I made a mental note to have all the carpets changed. Other people lived here too but there wasn't any kind of association for these kinds of things. I made my own decisions.

The elevator dinged on Bucky's twenty-fifth floor and he sauntered in lazily while whistling a tune.

"Howdy." He waved, "You ready to deal with Yakuza street trash?"

"Always am. I brought my Browning 9x19 today." I flashed my gun that was situation prettily in my belt.

"I see you came prepared." He quirked an eyebrow.

"Got to with these fuckers." I growled just thinking about the shit I was about to put up with.

"Che cosa hai fatto ieri sera?" I asked him in Italian for no reason in particular.

What did you do last night?

He shrugged, "Seduto a casa a guardare la partita di baseball."

Sat at home and watched the baseball game.

I nodded to myself at how sad our lives were, "Hai saputo niente altro su Natalia?"

Did you find anything else out about Natalia?

"No, lei cerca di nascondersi da me." He replied with a smirk.

No, she's trying to hide from me.

I twisted my neck to loosen up the nerves that were starting to build just thinking about what sick thoughts that were going through Bucky's head. Natalia wasn't his and I had to make that known but I didn't want to make myself seem too eager. He would never let me live it down if he found out that I was actually chasing a girl.

The elevator arrived on Thor's floor and he came in with his head buried in a piece of paper. Like we were all on the same wavelength, he spoke in Italian, "Non parlare. Sono woking."

Don't talk, I'm working.

We all stayed silent until we reached the garage level.

"What do we need, chief?" I asked Thor as we went to the section that was blocked off for our cars only.

"Not much. I'll tell you when we get there." He shrugged.

"I think we should take the Hummer today. We might be coming back with a lot." Bucky nodded towards Thor's huge black tank of a truck that he bought for his month long fascination with off roading.

"Great." I replied sarcastically as we stalked off towards the beast.

Thor giddily jumped in front and started the thunderous engine that rattled the car to its core. I climbed in the front seat and Bucky got in the back. There was actually a harness that wrapped around my body for safety purposes.

"Who drives a Hummer in the city anyway?" I asked as I strapped myself in.

"Me." Thor laughed evilly as he pulled out of the parking lot and whipped the car around like it was made of plastic. I said the rosary in my head as he raced out of the parking garage at an unhealthy speed for this tank.

We rattled and shook down the crowded streets of Chicago, making the cars below look like punk go-karts.

"I think some of us value our life." Bucky shouted from the back over the engine as Thor took a turn at well over the speed limit.

"Whatever. This is nothing compared to the Yakuza den we're about to enter." Thor gave another maniacal laugh but he was right.

Shinobu Morioka was about my age and another rival that I had to deal with when I was first starting out in this life. He was from a rich Japanese family that had ties in ancient Japan, dating back for centuries. Like the Rogers, the Morioka’s were tough shit but dealt with things a lot differently. I guess they would be considered our Asian equivalent. Shinobu was wild and uncontrollable, making him sloppy. We wouldn't even be using him if his gun supply wasn't so good.

The father of the family was weak, letting his son rule over him without respect. Joseph would never allow some of the things that went on in that family but to each his own I guess.

Shinobu was an American born, half French, half Japanese but he would fight anyone to the death if you said that. To him, he was full Japanese. His mother was some French model who had charmed her way into Shinobu's father's life. No one really acknowledged her though because she was an "outsider" since the two weren't married and she wasn't Japanese. It was that way with all mob families. The bloodlines had to be viable and connected to the old country in some way as far as marriages went.

Good thing Jane had Italian in her or Thor might have to find him another girlfriend but that's beside the point. Shinobu didn't acknowledge his French side, leaving his mother out in the cold.

He was young, a partier, drinker, smoker and we had had fun on some occasions whenever he was in town but I tried to keep my distance from him. He was too unmanageable for me and I was more than tempted to just kill him but that would start a Chicago battle that would have obliterated the entire city. Not a good thing.

"What the hell do you think he's going to be like today?" Thor grumbled, obviously thinking the same thing I was.

"Ole' Shin Shin. We've had good times." Bucky laughed.

"I just hope he doesn't try to play Russian roulette like we did the last time." I rolled my eyes just thinking about how horrible that experience was.

"He is a trip." Bucky sighed, "I just want to make it home in one piece. Ma's making cioppino for dinner and I don't want to miss it."

"We'll be fine." Thor waved it off like this was nothing.

Thor pulled the Hummer onto the south end of North Jefferson Street and the polished apartments shined on both sides.

"180." I said and pointed to the building where Shinobu lived whenever he was in Chicago. This area was known as the West Loop, catering to those Chicagoans who thought they had money and tried to show off but everyone knew all the real wealth was uptown.

"I just got il freddo." Bucky shuddered as we went into the underground parking garage.

Il freddo or The Chill, as we called it, was the feeling we all got when going into situations like these.

It was our survival instinct telling us to run but at this point in our lives, we had been able to suppress that emotion. Now, a slight coldness would just creep through our bodies when we got into business mode.

"Stay on your toes." Thor parked the tank and we all got out. I didn't bother getting my jacket because I needed to be free.

I shoved the Browning deeper into my belt as we walked towards the elevators. Two huge, Japanese security guards stood at the entrance with sunglasses and crossed arms, looking like something out of a comic book.

I let Bucky take the lead since he was the only one of us who spoke Japanese fluently although I could understand a lot of it.

Bucky spoke professionally and quickly, stating our business without any pleasantries.

Security Guard No. 1 made a rapid call that took three seconds before he hung up and stepped aside.

Bucky, Thor and I walked into the glass elevator before pressing the penthouse button. The elevator shot up and Thor pulled his list out of his pocket, handing it to me. I looked it over and got a gist of what my father wanted from Shinobu. Just a few handhelds and explosives, nothing too much but enough that I knew a shipment was going to be made to the house. There was no way we could bring all of that back even in Thor's Hummer.

The guns were for us but my father was acting as a halfway point between the Yakuza and the Bratva, the Russian version of the mafia. One thing that you learned in this underground world was that clans never mixed but somehow, my father had made friends with all of them and served as the buffer for many families that needed interactions completed and didn't want to do them themselves.

"This should be fun." I sighed as the elevator reached the top floor.

As soon as the doors opened, we were pulled out and frisked by more security guards who pushed us up against the wall. I had been through this many times so I knew what to do.

"Weapons?" A gruff voice asked and I emptied my pockets, showing I didn't have anything but my wallet and then flashed the gun in my belt.

"That's all I have." I replied dryly.

He eyed me skeptically and eyed him back, daring him to say something.

He nodded and let us by.

Bucky, Thor and I walked down a long hallway with doors on each side. Windows were open to show the city below and I felt an odd sense of competitiveness as I compared Shinobu's building to mine. Call it a Freudian theory on male dominance, but I always had to win whether it was a competition or not.

I knocked rapidly on the door at the end of the hall and even from the other side I could hear the thumping techno.

"Jesus, it's only two in the afternoon and I bet he's already plastered." Bucky muttered.

"Yeah." I agreed, "Let's just hope he has a clear head."

The door was flung open and another burly guard stepped aside for us to enter.

The whole apartment was filled with smoke that I could taste was marijuana and cigar. The shades were drawn, not letting any light in and strobe balls were on the floor, casting oddly shaded colors over the walls. It was like a fucking club in here but I guess that was Shinobu's style. Life was a club to him. Naked Japanese women waved to us as we walked through the apartment though they had no appeal to me. I was here for business, we'll talk about pleasure later.

Shinobu was situated in a steaming hot tub in his sunken living room with a group of girls around him, a thick cigar hanging out of his mouth and a glass of bourbon in his hand.

"Boys, I was wondering when I was going to get a call from you!" He shouted when we came in. I had to roll my eyes at his fake Japanese accent that he had acquired over the years, trying to mask his true heritage.

"Shinobu." I nodded professionally.

"What's with the stick up your ass, Stevie? Come on in, have a drink." He replied.

"I don't' think so." Bucky spoke from next to me, "We're here for our father's guns, the ones that are currently in lockup thanks to you." He clarified.

He brushed it off, acting like he had no idea what we were talking about, "Please. I sent those guns off two days ago."

"Really? The same guns that we didn't get?" Thor asked.

"Yeah, it's not my fault."

"All I know is that I came here to pick up compensation. You lost the shipment so you have to give us something to work with." I stopped beating around the bush. Now was not the time to be nice.

"You Rogers boys think you rule the world, don't you?" He jumped out of the tub, grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist, "It's not like I meant to get the stuff caught up in customs but if those fuckers didn't feel the need to check everything…"

"I thought you have people in customs?" Thor walked around, trying to get as far away from Shinobu as possible. They had never really gotten along.

"Well, obviously something fell through." He snapped and glared at us.

"We're not leaving until we have our father's stuff." Bucky was very stern and made his point clear by pulling his gun out for the entire world to see. "You know how Joseph can get about his guns."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw guards at the ready, hands on weapons, feet in the attack position.

"This isn't going to go down that road." Shinobu sighed. He wasn't stupid and a shootout in his apartment wouldn't end well for him, "You'll get your stuff." He snapped his fingers and the girls were removed from the room, the security was thinned out and covered tables were brought in on rollers.

The sheets were ripped from the tables to reveal shinning guns and beautiful firearms. My whole body seemed to know it was in the presence of superior artillery and I felt like I was having sex. It was the same kind of high for me.

I circled the tables, trying to quickly see what was needed. Thor picked up an impressive Kel-Tec RFB, It was one of those long sniper rifles that you saw in the movies but never thought was real.

"Are these the new ones?" Thor asked as he held it in the shooting position, his eye looking through the scope.

"Yep." Shinobu replied proudly, "Twenty-six inches of perfect stainless steel, fluted barrel, plus a suppressor. Has a muzzle velocity in excess of 3000 feet per second and can pop someone off from a good mile or so."

I almost jumped over the table to steal the thing from Thor. It was so sleek and beautiful but I kept my cool.

"How many do you have?" Bucky asked in a clipped tone.

"Five right now but I owe Joseph six. I have other rifles if you want to take a look. This is all I have until my next trip back home so your father will just have to make do with what is here."

This fucker was starting to get on my last nerves. Who the hell did he think he was? He was playing with someone else's money here and it was completely unacceptable for him to be messing with my shit.

Two hours later, Bucky, Thor and I were walking out of Shinobu's apartment building with written agreements for the shipments to arrive on Joseph’s doorstep within the next twenty-four hours. No exceptions. The amount of money he owed us wouldn't have been enough to sell his blood to a vampire and Shinobu knew he was in deep horse crap. If we had to make another trip to him to get our stuff, we might leave with his head in a bag. Joseph didn't play around with his shit and expected the best from whoever he was working with. I actually feared for Shinobu's life if he didn't pull through.

"That wasn't as bad as I thought." Thor said as he pulled out of the parking garage, heading towards Sarah's.

"That's because he was high and sedated." I snickered.

"Whatever, I like the new Shinobu."

On the ride home, that damned redhead popped back into my head.

Natalia…

It was weird how easy it was to push her out of my head but no matter how hard I tried, she always came back like a mosquito or a parasite. That's what she was, a parasite.

What happened to the strong, unwavering Steve who never looked back at a girl? What happened to the strength of the tiger?

I shook my head, trying to clear my damn thoughts but she was always there so I just had to focus on something else.

As we pulled up to the front gate of my parent's house, I thought of what my father would do in this situation. He was more of a softie than I was and he would say something like I needed to court Natalia but that was pointless. I just wanted sex. What was the point of making an effort if I was just going to throw her away?

That thought made my stomach churn for some reason. Throw her away? Then someone else might have her.

I actually scratched the skin of my arm like a meth addict as I thought more and more about how I was going to get Natalia into my bed. It was like planning a war with my million man army against her lone green eyes.

I was certifiably insane.