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mimik-u · 4 years ago

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“Change Your Mind” Re-watch:

I’ve been dealing with this feeling on and off ever since I started “Diamond Days” earlier this week, but dang, I’m a little sad that I’ve reached the end of the show again. Of course, I’m excited to visit the movie again and see Future for the first time (!!!), but this episode above all really marks the end of an era. But things end and things change.

That’s the thesis of this episode anyway. And really, the nature of this beautiful show. :’)

Steven’s dream sequence is so haunting, both in terms of it explicitly showing us how Blue Diamond is currently recapitulating the very same cycles which pushed Pink away by showing us such a similar flashback from the past, but also by dredging up the horror of Pink’s memories. The idea that Steven’s gem still has access to some of his mother’s memories is used to its most visceral effect here, in which we get a nightmare heightened lens of how miserable she was, and often times, scared.

When the Diamonds stretched out their grieving hands through the cosmos and towards the world their youngest member loved, how did Rose feel to at once get a confirmation that she had been loved? Loved so powerfully that the Diamonds would try to destroy an entire planet to exact their revenge, and yet, at the same time, loved so terribly that they would never think twice about doing so, or that it took this for them to ever show it?

“This... isn’t normal. How many times did you lock her in here? How many times did you make her cry?” / “I didn’t... I... And I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” God, this exchange always undoes me. Not only is it Steven calling Blue out, but in a way, it’s him standing up for his mother, realizing what misery the Diamonds put her through and putting a name on it for Blue to recognize, contend with, and finally, accept. Blue tries to defend herself at first, but then, in the end, can’t. Because there’s no defense. There’s no excuse. And to horribly mangle a quote from Legend of Korra, by reaching that lowest point, Blue Diamond finally becomes open to the possibility of change.

It’s always so evocative to me that she collapses next to the tower window that’s at her eye level. Never explicitly stated, I think it really is implied here that Yellow and Blue have seen their fair share of this tower before, too, their trespasses of decorum excised out of them by White. In return, they tried to do the same to Pink. Cycles and cycles and cycles.

Gsleidjsneioeis, it never fails to make me laugh that Yellow is just sitting in the darkness, straddling her throne, waiting for Blue. Emo ass. I love her.

The Diamonds both look so shocked when Blue slaps Yellow’s hand away, as though neither of them can fathom, process, and believe what just happened. And yet, really, this is the climax to the schism between them that we’ve known since “That Will Be All.” They love each other—they loved Pink—but they have differed, fundamentally, on how to grapple with the pain of loving someone and losing her and existing from then on.

“When we thought Pink was shattered, when she abandoned us, I alone was there for you, and you would use your power against ME?” GO OFF, PATTI LUPONE EIEOSJSA. But this line gets me, too. Jesus. Yellow loves Blue so much.

“Didn’t we hurt Pink? She was suffering in silence for ages, just like our gems, just like me. And I know you’re suffering in silence, too.” HHHHHHH, AND THIS LINE. I think it’s significant because it’s Blue making a move we’ve rarely seen from her before—empathy. Her whole complex is that she’s been so lost in her own emotions that she forces them on everyone else, but here she does something monumental; not only does she acknowledge her own pain, but she uses it to recognize that others have been hurting, too. She and Yellow hurt Pink. (She makes herself and Yellow the agents of the action, therefore not evading the blame.) And so many of their gems have been hurt, too. Yellow has been hurting.

In her vulnerable expression that follows, it’s clear to the audience that Yellow knows her fellow Diamond’s words to be true, but she’s not ready to accept their veracity, to look inwards at the heart of her own misery. Also, help. I’m only 9 minutes into the episode.

“Does this look perfect to you?” And Yellow’s anger is stopped in its tracks. She looks immediately to Blue, literally smoking on the ground from the force of her attack. A fragment of palace crumbles emptily away. And this is the crux of the Homeworld Empire. It demands every gem, from the Diamonds downward, to sacrifice in the name of of perfection. But they’ve placed too much of an emphasis on appearance, numbers, quantity, and power, never interrogating the consequences that pursuing these ‘impressive’ entities bring: misery, hopelessness, despair.

“Stop... stop it, Blue. Stop using your power on me.” / “I’m not.” Hhhhhhhhh, I’m tender. And then, when Blue Diamond sweeps over to hold Yellow’s head?????? This is what being a Bellow Diamond fan is all about, okay rieososossnjaaj.

“You’ve made a grave mistake. Go to your rooms!” / “Uh, which rooms should we go to?” GJKHDFVHJNJJ. But yeah, White has definitely used the tower on Blue and Yellow b4.

Bismuuuuth, Lapis, Peri!!! God, I love Lapis’s outfit so much.

“Yellow and I will keep White distracted.” / Just go! Go! Hurry! She’s getting up!” Blue and Yellow know that in making this choice, they’ll face severe consequences, but still initially make the choice anyway.

And yet, Steven doesn’t let them make that choice. He doesn’t run away. Because he and this show fundamentally believe that change is effected through communication.

I still have thirty minutes of this episode left to go oskeodjsnsnsk, but now I need to symbolically talk about the Diamond mecha. It’s very on point that White’s ship can’t function if the other parts aren’t cooperating!!

The Diamonds finally expressing their vulnerabilities to the blankly staring ship is just so sad. They’re finally doing the emotional work that they’ve been neglecting for thousands upon thousands of years, and they’re almost literally meeting a wall.

“We Diamonds might be hard, but we’re also brittle.” / “I know my purpose isn’t to be happy.” Hhhhhhhhhh, these lines. The rigidity of the Diamond Authority has forced Yellow and Blue to become hard, to be unhappy. They, like all their gems, are suffering beneath the strain. Starting from the way it literally drains a planet of resources, this empire was never sustainable.

Cries bc the Diamonds are holding hands, AND THEN CRIES BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN VIOLENTLY AND PAINFULLY PUPPETEERED.

THE FUSING MONTAGE!!! EKSSKSJ, I love how when he goes to fuse with Pearl, he does a few ballerina moves. AND I LOVE HOW 2.0 IS UNREPENTANTLY BRITISH. IT’S SO FJNNY AND RIGHT.

“AH! Steven, we fused!” She’s so happy!!!!!!!!!! Hhhh!!!!!

“I’m here. I love you.” Steven says this before fusing with Garnet, and there’s nothing else that could have ever been so fitting for a fusion who prides herself on being here and being made, so beautifully and entirely, of love.

Sunstone always looks and sounds like they’re two seconds away from breaking the 4th wall on a Sunny D commercial from the 1990s, and that’s amazing.

OBSIDIAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN. Everything about them is FUCKING EPIC. (Also, if you haven’t listened to the S5 soundtrack yet, you need to go listen to Obsidian’s track without background noises!!!!!!! It’s so motivating! I listen to it when I’m studying sometimes!)

I’m still soft about Bismuth giving Connie her own sword. Let them b sword buddies 2k20.

BIG FYCKING LAVA SWORD!!!!

The animation on this episode is absolutely insane. God, the Crewniverse did so good.

“Poor Yellow. Her impurities absorb all the blue in her light. She’s so strong, but so weak when it comes to Blue.” 😭😭😭 What do you mean I’m still emotional over the fact that Yellow Diamond’s one perceived weakness is Blue? Hahahaha.

“Ah, and Blue. Her impurities soak up all the warmth in her spectrum. She thinks she needs you, Pink.” 😭😭😭 She needs Pink to be warm.

“But you’re a part of me, the part I always have to repress.” White doesn’t yet realize it, but this is actually her revealing her own flaw. Not only does she repress her love for Pink, but she represses her own sense of pinkness, too. So cerebral and so detached, she’s allowed herself to exist for these past 6,000+ years in the gaping maw without Pink as a being who has subjugated the entirety of her emotional expression. Just as Blue and Yellow are equals and opposites, so too, were Pink and White.

“Insecure, dependent, obsessed.” God. Another thing about White Diamond’s powers in relation to Pink is that White has the capacity to know a gem’s thoughts once she possesses them, whereas Pink was able to relate and empathize with their emotions. And indeed, that’s how Steven came to know and help the Gems’ problems over the course of the entirety of this show—through empathy, relation, compassion, and understandings, concepts so foreign to White Diamond. Simply alien.

POV: You’re Connie Maheswaran, and you have to fight a possessed bastardization of the Gem who once lovingly taught you everything you know about how to wield a sword.

White Diamond so simply and so precisely plucking Steven’s gem out of his stomach is the single most terrifying visual on this show. Jfc.

“SHE’S GONE.” The animus of the Pink Diamond gem prmordially screams the truth that White Diamond refuses to accept. Pink is gone. There’s no undoing death. There’s no separation from gem and body. There is only, just as there has always been for fourteen years, Steven.

He is not, and never will he ever be, his mother.

Oh, my God. This show.

And just as White Diamond parting Steven from his gem is the scariest moment in the show, Steven reuniting with him is the most transcendent. He laughs. He hugs himself. He dances. Because Steven Universe is entirely his own being.

And he loves himself. That is the crucial part. That is the beginning and the end and the resolution. Oh, my GOD. This show.

“I am a child. What’s your excuse?” KWIDIDOSJSKSKSISOSMA, GET HER.

Steven walking over to comfort Pink Pearl, even though he doesn’t know her, even though the only iteration he has seen of her has been her lobotomized version—forbidding and detached—is so tender.

WISOSJSJS, I know this is emotionally deep and indicative of just how ingrained their psychological complexes are that they don’t know how to deal with vulnerable expressions of emotion, but White, Yellow, and Blue being so dramatic about White blushing is honestly hilarious.

Sadie singing “Let Me Drive My Van into Your Heart” is so good, but what’s even better is that two second shot of Greg blushing listening to his song being sung. ;-;

Oh! Oh! And Barb is in the audience! Character development! Growth!

“No more hiding! No more running! No more Diamond Authority!” KWOWOEJDKDOSJSJSISSJSJ.

Lion padding up to Lars in a silent recognition that they’re the same ;-;-;-;

I think Sadie and Lars reuniting with such drastically different appearances and mindsets is simply just one of the coolest ways this show has come full circle. This show’s about everyone changing. Look at these two. Look at where they started, and now, where they’ve begun again.

Genuinely crying at the last few shots of the show again. Oh, my GOD. The pure, unmitigated joy. Nephrite and Steven. Bismuth and Biggs. Garnet and Pearl. Jasper and Amethyst. The Diamonds.

This show really is about love and forgiveness and healing, y’all. 😭😭😭😭

AND THEN THEY COMPLETE THE SHOT FROM THE INTRO. I AM UNWELL. IT’S 8AM.

This show, in every sense of the word, is a miracle.

Thank you, Crewniverse for this comet of epic proportions.

#steven universe #blue diamond #yellow diamond #bellow diamond #white diamond #pink diamond #garnet #Pearl #amethyst #connie maheswaran #s: steven universe #mimiku #long post #I am EMOTIONAL

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nhkamira · 5 years ago

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Fate/Grand Order: Zettai Majuu Sensen Babylonia - Review

Started on Fall 2019, I have so much to say about this glorious anime. It was my first Fate anime and I don’t think I have enough words to express how amazing this was.

The story it’s complex. In the actual present humanity has been incinerated by King Solomon, but and organization of mages called Chaldea foresaw the extinction before it happened, now they have the mission to preserve humanity. To save humanity they have to repair the Singularities in history caused by Holy Grails. That’s when Operation Grand Order starts using a time travel technology. Our main heroes are master Ritsuka Fujimaru and demi-servant Mash Kyrielight. Since it’s based on a game they already went to 6 singularities, the anime is the story about number 7, about the value of the foundations of human kind, the war against the demonic beast, the first absolute line in Babylonia, the age of Gods, 2655 years before Christ.

Amidst the chaos and terror lies humanity last defense, a fortress city, Uruk. If you’re a history enthusiast this anime is going to make you excited. In this moment of time we see King Gilgamesh the King of Heroes, his friend Enkidu (in history he is send to get rid of Gilgamesh arrogance), the wizard Merlin (yesss), General Ushiwakamar. As part of the goddess clan: Gorgon the goddess of revenge, Ereshkigal the goddess of the underworld, Ishtar the goddess of beauty, good harvests and war, Quetzalcoatl the goddess of Venus and the Great Bird of the Sun, and the true antagonist Tiamat, known as mother, in mythology she’s known as the goddess of primordial chaos.

Words aren’t enough to explain how much I loved the whole anime, I haven’t played the game, at first I was a little confused because I didn’t know about the other singularities but that’s something you don’t need to know how happened to understand the story. Everything was beyond of what I thought, I’m a history enthusiast and each episode got me mad excited.

The development of each character was simply amazing. Specially with Gilgamesh, Fujimaru and Ishtar, I just loved them way too much. My heart felt each moment, this anime had everything, I was tense, happy, angry and I even cried.

The music is ridiculously good, like seriously good. The sound!!! man, this anime has the best sound editing I ever heard, so powerful! Perfect for this typeof story and characters. The animation and style was insane, the anime has some seriously hard fights, but the animation was perfectly put, even the cg was well used. Love it!

And for us who adored it, they would make a movie of the 6th singularity “The Divine Real of the Round Table: Camelot”, and an anime for the last singularity lathe Grand Temple of Time: Solomon”!! I can’t wait!! TT - I hope you enjoyed it as much as me and if you haven’t watched this one is definitely a must!

My final score: 10/10

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homeplanetreviews · 7 years ago

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Best Films of 2017 by: Will Whalen

Hello everyone! I know, we’re already a month into 2018 but some films that were 2017 releases didn’t come out near me till 2018 and I just had to wait and see them. However, it didn’t change much because (for the most part) my top films list is nearly the same as it was when I made it in December. So, here it is! This was a terrific year for film but these are my absolute favorites of 2017.

First, I have a few honorable mentions: Molly’s Game, Alien: Covenant, John Wick 2, Get Out, My Life as a Zucchini, Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2, Call Me By Your Name, and All the Money in the World.

So, here we go!

15. The Disaster Artist

I was really surprised by The Disaster Artist because I was really excited for it because of The Room and I was expecting it to be a comedy about how The Room was made. And if you’ve ever seen The Room, anyone would be excited for that reason. However, what I got was a surprisingly super touching film about friendship and achieving your dreams no matter what the cost is or no matter how many times someone says you can’t.

14. Dunkirk

Dunkirk was a war film from the incredible mastermind Christopher Nolan that wasn’t a typical war film. It wasn’t some character drama on top of being a war film but instead a more accurate look at war. It was about survival and this horrible situation that these brave men were stuck in and basically all had to fend for themselves. I only got to see it once and I was lucky enough to see it in 70mm film but I can’t wait to revisit it.

13. Good Time

Good Time was actually a great time (bad pun intended) and was one of the most stressful, thrilling and non stop downward spirals of a film I have seen in recent memory. Robert Pattinson also gave his best performance and really should’ve been nominated. It was also directed excellently by the Safdie Brothers who took risks. They did things in this that most filmmakers would never dare to do. If you’re easily stressed, maybe stay away from this movie. But, its a good time...

12. It

You’ll float too… when you see It. It was one of the best horror films I’ve seen in quite a long time and definitely one of the funniest movies of last year. We finally got a It film and it was so wonderful. Andy Muschietti did a great job helming this work and the phenomenal cast from all the talented young actors involved make this movie one of a kind and one of the best Stephen King adaptations.

11. A Ghost Story

A Ghost Story was such a special movie. This film explores death, grief, and the afterlife in one of the most beautiful films of last year. Casey Affleck also gave one of the best performances of his career and he was under a sheet the whole time. His performance spoke volumes and I would’ve liked to have seen him get some recognition. This film floored me and if you haven’t seen it, do check it out. It’s not a horror movie but it will haunt you.

10. Thor: Ragnarok

This was one one of Marvel’s best to date. Takai Waititi takes the Thor story into a new direction and made one of the funniest and one of the most all out entertaining films of the entire year. Just on a pure fun and comedic level, this was one of the best and definitely one of the most fun films of last year. Also, Waititi gave us Korg and I don’t think we can thank him enough for that.

9. T2: Trainspotting

Aye ya doss cunt! This is a sequel to one of my top favorite films of all time, Trainspotting. Trainspotting came out in 1996 and now here we are, 20 years later with a sequel. This could’ve easily not been good but with Danny Boyle once again behind the camera, our favorite skagboys back and with a wonderful script, this was a fantastic sequel and a beautiful one too. Plus, it’s Trainspotting! Plus, there’s a great soundtrack once again.

8. Baby Driver

B-A-B-Y Baby! Baby Driver was an all out blast. It’s a fast paced, thrilling, exciting and wonderful film that has one of the best soundtracks to any film that has come out in a long time. All this is due to the amazing Edgar Wright who has made yet another great film with Baby Driver.

7. Logan

Logan is the wolverine film we’ve all dreamed about. An R rated Wolverine film is exactly what the world of superhero films needed. In Hugh Jackman’s supposed final performance as the Wolverine, we got one of the all time best superhero films. It was directed gorgeously and had a story that I was in love with. It didn’t even feel like a superhero movie but more like a western. Patrick Stewart also gave a phenomenal performance and I wish our two main actors would’ve gotten some more praise. If this really is Jackman’s final portrayal as Logan/Wolverine, then what a hell of a way to send out on.

6. Split

M. Night Shyamalan makes a grand return to the screen with Split. It felt so incredibly good to be seeing a great M. Night Shyamalan film in theaters. James McAvoy gives one of the best performances of last year and this was absolutely snubbed at the Oscars. I won’t spoil this film but if you have never seen Shyamalan’s Unbreakable, watch it and then watch this. Trust me. I loved this film so much and absolutely cannot wait for Glass. Also, the dance scene... just watch this movie.

5. War for the Planet of the Apes

This is the third and (I think) final film in the new Apes series and was, believe it or not, a mesmerizing masterpiece. What they did with this film is absolutely mind boggling. It’s not some big over the top action movie. There are action scenes, sure. But no, instead it was a psychological warfare, revenge and prisoner of war film that was absolutely beautiful. Andy Serkis gave a chilling and insanely great performance as Caesar. What he did with this character in this film, was just wonderful. If you’ve never seen these films, they’re all great and I highly suggest watching them.

4. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

This film was one of the most fun times I’ve had the theater in quite some time. Rian Johnson took over for Episode 8 and took the Star Wars saga into a new direction and did something new, unique and just awesome. Of course, “fans” got pissed but anyone that loves film and any legit Star Wars fan, will love this one and appreciate what Johnson did with this. The Last Jedi also includes some of the best scenes in any of the Star Wars films. Sure, it does have flaws but this was a phenomenal spectacle and there’s one scene that I’ve been thinking about at least once a day since I saw this on opening night.

3. Lady Bird

This magnificent coming of age film is written by Greta Gerwig and is her directorial debut. This is a really special type of movie. It doesn’t even feel like it’s a movie but instead, just you watching people live their lives. And movies that feel so natural like that, are special. It’s also special because it’s so relatable. Whether you’re a boy or a girl or whatever, anyone can watch this and in some way, relate to it. It’s got excellent performances and it’s clear that Greta Gerwig has some real talent. I can’t wait to see what she does in the future. Lady Bird is going to be a teen classic for years to come.

2. The Shape of Water

When I saw this, I thought it may have taken place as my number one favorite of the year. Guillermo del Toro wrote and directed this and this is without a doubt, his best film yet and a beautiful masterpiece. Sally Hawkins is electric in this film alongside Oscar worthy performances from all of her costars. The Shape of Water absolutely floored me and left me in a puddle of tears. What blows me away, is how a movie like this gets 13 Oscar nominations. However, it’s well deserved.

1. Blade Runner 2049

Here it is folks. My personal favorite of the year. The movie that I thought was better than all the rest and that’s the cinematic marvel that is Blade Runner 2049. This was one of the best films I have ever seen. That’s not even a joke. On every level, it was so far beyond anything else I had ever seen. Denis Villeneuve directs this flawlessly but the cinematography from Roger Deakins, is probably the actual best from any other film I’ve ever seen. Each frame of this is dripping with dystopian neon noir and I couldn’t get enough of it. The score from Hans Zimmer and Benjamin Wallfisch was so special and so hypnotizing. This is my favorite score to any film from last year as well. Ryan Gosling is in my number one film of the year yet again and this man is incredible. He gives such a subdued performance but one that spoke high volumes. It was also great to see Harrison Ford return as Deckard who also gave an amazing performance. Blade Runner 2049 should’ve been nominated for Best Picture and Best Director but I’m just happy it got some recognition. Either way, this film is a flawless masterpiece and was my number one of 2017.

That’s it folks! My top 15 of the year. I apologize about the delay, but hey, at least I finally did it! Stick around for many other review for the year!

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jennacha · 7 years ago

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here’s a big rant about The Child Thief

ok i have a big confession to make

I’m kind of obsessed with the book The Child Thief.

It’s not a particularly good book. In fact, I would go as far to say it’s poor. The writing has the cadence of 15-year-old-going-through-their-novelist-phase. I guess I could say it reads like fan fiction. The plot is very messy. The characters are badly written. It feels like a book that wasn’t edited. The word “magic” is used a lot, and it’s embarrassing. There’s a part where a character slams their fist on the ground and yells “WHY?!” and it’s embarrassing. The dialogue feels like it came out of a 1990s teen adventure fantasy movie trying to imitate the success of a Corey Feldman/Haim movie. Several times throughout the book the thought, “Why did the author do this?” popped in my head. However, the author is a fantasy illustrator, so the descriptive writing is a plus. He knows how to illustrate the landscape with words as well as he would in painting. The book is not a special unit dumpster fire piece of shit insult to literature; in fact, as far as I know a lot of people like it and it has gotten a decent amount of praise. It’s just not very good, in terms of the surface level writing. But I can easily see a lot of people enjoying it for basic entertainment value.

So that would be my YA-focus blog summary review of the book.

My public outcry summary review of the book is this:

I’m obsessed with the book because it’s so fucking weird.

It’s so fucking weird in that it’s a perfect shitstorm of the author not knowing what he’s doing, and thinking he’s knowing what he’s doing. Like a perfect bad B-movie that exhibits textbook schlock where the director is incompetent and clueless but lacks any self-awareness, in terms of style, layout, and production.

But also, the author thinks what he’s doing is…cool.

The book is about evil Peter Pan.

I could end this whole thing right there. But I must release these hounds. I’ve been needing to let all this out.

My wretched insanity craves affirmation.

This book should be a carbon copy of every other average to below average dark fantasy novel that you see on the bookstore shelves and never heard of and wonder what the author is doing now with all their not-fame. This book should be one that could’ve been written by anybody and it wouldn’t have made a difference. This book should be one of sixty million examples of nothing special. In a way, it is definitely 100% yes definitely yes all those things. The universe decided that I would be the bearer of the burden of having much stronger feelings about it then necessary. I probably feel more strongly about it than the author ever did. It is in my life now.

The biggest thing about this book being so fucking weird is the mind boggling tonal inconsistency. There are a number of shifts in universe-encompassing moods, which go from “Christopher-Nolan-but-also-kind-of-Stephanie-Meyer-dark-gloomy-the-world-is-unhappy-and-I-like-it-that-way”, to “David-Fincher-the-world-is-ACTUALLY-awful”, to “Oh-right-this-is-a-Peter-Pan-story-whimsical-fun-Goonies-meets-Disney-Channel-original”, to “A-worse-version-of-The-Hobbit-movies-with-some-redeeming-qualities”, to “Quentin-Tarantino-literally-wrote-this.” This isn’t hyperbole. The writing language can be REALLY EMBARRASSING and straight out of a Disney movie. That tone of a fun romp for the whole family is cradled by an abundance of swearing, unsettling fantasy-horror, and extreme, shocking violence.

You know when you’re watching Beetlejuice, and you’re like “Okay this movie is for children” and then out of nowhere Michael Keaton goes “NICE FUCKIN’ MODEL” and grabs his dick.

In The Child Thief, THAT washes over you every time you finish reading a sentence. Only, it’s as if you’re watching Hook, and at one point Robin Williams slices a person’s face off, and the camera stays on the faceless person for a minute and Steven Spielberg walks into frame and points to the gurgling faceless head and describes to you how you can still see the holes where the mouth, nose, and eyes were.

(Yes that actually happens in the book.)

Or if you’re watching Neverending Story and at one point you get expository dialogue explaining how Atreyu was pimped as a boy and had to live on the streets because his mother was, uh, a drug addict or something?.

(That also happens.)

Or if you’re watching Indian in the Cupboard and the film opens with a little girl about to get raped by her dad.

(I’m serious.)

Or if you’re watching Hocus Pocus and Bette Midler is a vampire and she preys on a 6-year-old kid and neither of them have shirts on.

(I swear to god.)

Or if you’re reading a modern re-imagining of Peter Pan and the story involves blatant themes of gore in acute descriptive detail, mass murder, torture, and scenes with naked women and perverted fantasy-creature-men.

(Oh, wait.)

You’re probably thinking, “All those themes are found pretty much everywhere in every medium, especially the naked women and perverts. Big whoop.” I’ll add, then, all those themes, involving children.

Now you’re thinking, “Jenna don’t you love that movie Drag Me To Hell which involves a child being murdered within the first 2.5 minutes?”

Just hear me out and yes.

The Child Thief is entertaining in how CAPTIVATING the strangeness is. The tonal mishmash of kid-friendly meets rated-R is something I actually like, when it's a hit. I like things that have a quality of whimsy amidst dark themes. Movies such as Temple of Doom, Gremlins, Return to Oz, Darkman have this quality…basically almost every movie from the 1980s during the period when audiences had grown up with movies after censorship was abolished and half the world said “think of the children” and the other half said “no.” There are tons and tons of other examples in every medium of how general tonal contrast makes for unique and effective works of art. My point is, this specific type of tonal contrast also can be done well.

But those movies don’t open with attempted child rape, and they don’t end with children literally being mowed down in a grisly battle scene (I’m serious). I’m making a lot of comparisons to movies because the book almost feels like a movie, in that the author isn’t a novelist, he’s a visual story-maker who wrote a book because he knew that no movie studio would pick this shit up. Maybe the films I listed didn’t intend for tonal contrast to be a calculated driving element for their stories, but the subtlety of tones in those movies allows for one encompassing, harmonious tonal blanket to wrap them in. There is no subtlety in The Child Thief.

The tonal confusion of The Child Thief is, I almost wanna say coincidental. I think the author just didn’t know how to write well, but he’s a very dark visual guy and had all these dark visuals in his head ready to be unleashed. All the horrible violence and awful themes are fine in and of itself, but they aren’t earned if the attitude of “I’m gunna turn the children’s book foundation on its head” isn’t committed to, and “I’m gunna subvert everything you know and love about Peter Pan” isn’t calculatedly plotted out. The author has a bad sense of humor, a poor understanding of what is required of an epic storyline, and treats violence, horror and revenge less like a literary device and more like a fetishization of coolness in a vulgar display of power as a writer.

The misguidedness goes as far as the character writing. None of the characters’ motivations make sense. The author couldn’t keep track of either committing to one motivation or the other, a lot of the times for the sake of the plot. Especially with the Peter Pan character. He’s basically literally the anti-christ (this is 100% canon, if the author says it isn’t then he’s a liar and an idiot) and written like a “troubled villain” but then gets these VERY polarized directions of unrelenting psychopathic Cause It’s Die Motherfucka Die Motherfucka Still, Fool villainy and ham-fisted humanism and victimhood. It’s a case of like, the author meant for him to be the charming bad guy who tricks the audience into being on his side because that’s what Peter does to the characters in the book. But the author found him too cool and wanted to be his friend, but in order to justify being friends with a character who wants to murder everybody, he inappropriately gives him remorse and forces the reader to feel bad for him.

And like all the kids in the book are supposed to super love Peter Pan but the version of Neverland is like this horrific, NIGHTMARE HELL of a place and the kids are basically being used to fight in a war, and all the kids are totally okay with it, because their lives in the real world were really awful and the whole thing is that Peter “saves” them and they’ll do anything for him. And it’s like, okay???????????????????? But wouldn’t it be cooler if the kids were like okay this guy is a fucking psycho and Neverland is a horrific, nightmare hell and I’m learning a lot about myself right now having once trusted him???? And then in their retaliation Peter would show his true colors and enforce aggression onto them in serving as his personal enslaved militia? And it becomes like this inner circle of conflict? And since Peter is the only person who can bring them back to the real world, they play ball but hope to steer their own agenda out of the situation? OH, right, that DOES happen, but with ONE of the characters. ONE. Conveniently, the main character. And god knows there can’t be more than one smart human being at a time.

But if you want to SUBVERT the BELOVED CHILDREN’S STORY FORMAT wouldn’t it be fun to do PETER PAN VS. THE LOST BOYS? Instead of MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE PETER PAN AND THE HOT TOPIC LOST BOYS VS. THE ONLY SEMI-SMART MAIN CHARACTER? Like wouldn’t it be GREAT if the characters WEREN'T DUMB? And the author put in some CONSTRUCTIVE, CHALLENGING CREATIVE EFFORT and treated the interactions like a CHESS GAME instead of a CONTRIVED MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN JOEY, ROSS, CHANDLER, RACHEL, MONICA AND THE OTHER ONE? Wouldn’t it be GREAT if ALL THE CHARACTERS TURNED AGAINST PETER but then Peter SLOWLY CHARMED SOME OR ALL OF THEM BACK IN, to make him MORE like an UNEARTHLY MONSTER? Like the lost boys became SELF-AWARE LITERAL VICTIMS OF THE ORIGINAL TALE FORMAT, where Peter Pain is this IMPOSSIBLY CHARMING CHARACTER THAT IS BELOVED BY THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE? ALSO, the MAIN CHARACTER is supposed to be the MODEL OF REASON FOR THE READER TO RELATE TO, but the main character still gets CHARMED BY PETER PAN, WHILE WE KNOW AS RATIONAL ADULTS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN? LIKE THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HOW READING BOOKS IS? When we KNOW WHAT’S GUNNA HAPPEN? BUT THE AUTHOR WANTS TO BE PETER’S FRIEND SO HE DOES IT ANYWAY? AND LIKE SEVERAL OTHER CHARACTERS THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER IS FRIENDS WITH ARE ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE FIGURES OF REASON BUT THEY’RE ALSO 100% PARTISAN IN SIDING WITH PETER? SO IT’S LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE ALL YOU DUMB, DUMB KIDS?

LIKE OKAY, SO HOW IT GOES IS THAT PETER CAN LIKE WALK ACROSS THE DIMENSION BETWEEN NEVERLAND AND THE REAL WORLD AND THAT'S HOW HE GETS THE KIDS? SO AT ONE POINT IN NEVERLAND THEY ALL HAVE TO SCAVENGE FOR FOOD BECAUSE THE VEGETATION IN NEVERLAND IS DYING, AND THEY MENTION HOW PETER USED TO BRING THEM FOOD FROM THE REAL WORLD? AND IT'S LIKE, HOW ABOUT YOU JUST KEEP DOING THAT? OR LIKE, WHY DON'T ANY OF YOU WANT TO JUST LEAVE? YEAH THE REAL WORLD SUCKS, BUT IS IT WORTH STARVING TO DEATH JUST SO YOU CAN STICK IT TO THE MAN? LIKE ARE THERE PEDIATRICIANS IN NEVERLAND? ARE THERE AT-RISK YOUTH SHELTERS? FOSTER CARE? NEVERLAND SOUP KITCHENS? NEVERLAND SOCIAL WORKERS? NEVERLAND CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES? NEVERLAND POLICE? NO? JUST MONSTERS THAT PAINFULLY KILL YOU, ZOMBIE PIRATES, NO FOOD, AND LITERALLY THE ANTI-CHRIST?

AND THEN THERE’S RIDICULOUS SHIT LIKE, AT ONE POINT ALL THESE MAGICAL FANTASY CHARACTERS HIJACK A NEW YORK CITY FERRY TO GET TO THE HARBOR AND IT’S LIKE, THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS IT SHOULD BE AWESOME, BUT IT ISN’T AWESOME BUT IT SHOULD BE SO WHY ISN’T IT?

AND LIKE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS IS A FAT USELESS KID NAMED DANNY AND THERE IS NO REASON FOR HIM TO BE IN THE BOOK BESIDES TO BE THE TOKEN FAT USELESS KID NAMED DANNY?

BUT DANNY IS LIKE ALSO THE ONLY OTHER SMART CHARACTER IN THE BOOK BECAUSE HE’S LIKE WHY DID I SAY YES TO THIS WHY ARE WE STILL FOLLOWING THIS GUY WHY DON’T WE JUST LEAVE AND IT’S LIKE YEAH PUT DANNY IN CHARGE BUT NOBODY LISTENS TO HIM AND HE’S JUST COMPLETELY UTTERLY USELESS?

AND THEN CAPTAIN HOOK ADOPTS DANNY AND IT’S LIKE OH MY GOD THE AUTHOR FORGOT HE NEEDED TO GIVE DANNY SOMETHING TO DO?

AND LIKE I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE MAIN CHARACTER’S NAME?

AND THEN AT THE END OF THE BOOK, SO, THERE’S THIS BIG HUGE BATTLE SCENE WHERE CHILDREN DIE LEFT AND RIGHT, LIKE THE “ANTAGONIST” (NOT PETER) HAS A HUGE SWORD AND IS SWINGING AT THE KIDS LIKE HE’S HARVESTING WHEAT, OH AND YEAH, BY THE WAY, AGAIN, THE REAL WORLD IS LOCATED IN NEW YORK CITY AND THE BATTLE HAPPENS ON LIKE THE FRONT LAWN OF A LIBRARY OR SOMETHING. LIKE THE STORY KIND OF TOTALLY GOES OFF THE RAILS INTO FANTASTIC SCHLOCK. AND AT ONE POINT THE BATTLE IS ABRUPTLY INTERRUPTED BY NYC POLICE AND IT’S LIKE ARE YOU SHITTING MY NUTS THE NYC COPS ARE INVOLVED IN THIS FANTASY BATTLE THIS IS AMAZING, BUT THEN THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN AND IT GOES NOWHERE. AND ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE DYING, AND NONE OF THEM HAD ARCS, LIKE NONE OF THEM REALIZED WHAT THEY GOT THEMSELVES INTO OR WHAT PETER REALLY WAS, AND AT THE ACT 3 POST-LOW POINT THE MAIN CHARACTER DIDN’T GO OFF TO DO HIS OWN THING AND TRY TO SAVE THE DAY, HE JUST GOES WITH PETER TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTS, AND THEN HIS ARC IS BASICALLY NOTHING AND THEN HE DIES. AND *PETER* WINS. AND AGAIN HE’S LITERALLY THE ANTI CHRIST SO THE BOOK ENDS WITH HIM BRIDGING THE REAL WORLD WITH NEVERLAND, AND BASICALLY BEING THE BRINGER OF HELL UNTO THE EARTH. AND UP UNTIL THEN THE BOOK HAD ABOUT 68 INSTANCES OF THE READER SWITCHING BETWEEN FEELING BAD FOR PETER AND THEN ACCEPTING THAT HE IS HITLER NURSE RATCHED MAO STALIN. SO WHEN ALL THE KIDS DIE, HE HAS A SCENE OF FEELING REALLY BAD AND THE READER IS SUPPOSED TO BE ALL LIKE AW HE REALLY DOES CARE! AND THEN NEVERLAND GETS BRIDGED INTO NEW YORK CITY, AND HE’S LIKE HA HA HA HA I DID IT I WON. BUT IT’S WRITTEN IN SUCH A WAY THAT LIKE, THE AUDIENCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, WHEEEEEE! LIKE THIS THING THAT HAPPENED IS THE DOOM OF MANKIND, AND THE TONE SHOULD REALLY BE “OH GOD NO.” BUT THE AUTHOR WAS HAPPY THAT PETER WON IN THE END BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE HIS FRIEND, EVEN THOUGH LIKE FIFTEEN PAGES AGO PETER CAUSED THE DEATH OF AN ARMY OF CHILDREN (AFTER ANOTHER 600 PAGES OF ALL KINDS OF OTHER AWFUL SHIT). SO NOT ONLY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD THAT PETER FEELS SAD, BUT THEN WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL HAPPY THAT PETER FEELS HAPPY. HOW ABOUT GO FUCK YOURSELF? HOW ABOUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE PETER A CHALLENGING UNRELIABLE ANTI-HERO, DON’T MAKE HIS DARK QUALITIES SO INCONTESTABLY EVIL, OR, EITHER CHOOSE TO MAKE PETER HATED BY THE AUDIENCE, OR MAKE THE AUDIENCE FEEL FOOLISH FOR BEING CHARMED BY PETER AND PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE BAD SHIT THAT HAPPENED AND GO FUCK YOURSELF?

...

I’ll give a different example of both tonal incongruence and bad character writing.

So, the opening scene of the book that involves attempted child rape, so. What happens is that Peter saves the little girl in time by killing the dad, and gains her trust to go to Neverland. The way the story regards the introduction to Peter is that of wonder and curiosity through the little girl’s eyes, as if it was derived from the original children’s tale. So the opener is meant to establish: a gritty “realness” to the book (which is never earned but i digress), and Peter as a mysterious magical hero. Then, the story carries on into describing Peter’s motivation in saving (the book uses “stealing”) children, which vaguely mentions his villainous indulgence (he’s saving children to recruit them in an army in Neverland to fight captain hook because his mommy is the president of neverland and there’s almost-Oedipal themes going on). Fine. However, the cadence of Peter actually being villainous is very very…undermined. Like the actual voice of the NARRATION is misinformed. Like the narration sounds more like Peter’s inner monologue speaking in the third person. Like the third person is in on it. Like the author is painting Peter as this wicked wrongdoer as if it’s a cool thing and he wants to be his friend (Oh wait).

This is how the voice of the opener is handled: Child rape —> Peter prevents child rape and saves child —> Peter is a good guy for doing this —> Peter is still a good guy for doing this but he did it maybe not for the right reasons. As it turns out, Peter is unquestionably the bad guy. Peter was the bad guy from the start, Peter was the bad guy while he was saving the little girl.

The rest of the book is handled like this: Peter is cool and badass —> Peter is mischievous but still the person we want to follow —> Peter is a psycho...but still cool —> Oh shit Peter has a super awful past and his psycho-ness is the result of being a victim so I forgive him —> Wow Peter’s both a psycho and an asshole—> Okay I dunno about Peter —> The author keeps having Peter save people from being raped as if he’s not an asshole but he’s still a psycho and an asshole so I still don’t know —> The plot has a a lot of stuff so I guess I’m still with Peter —> Okay Peter won but everyone is dead because of him and he’s still an asshole so I still don’t know.

Peter tricks victims of rape, abuse, slavery, etc. into thinking they’re being saved when in fact he objectifies them for his personal needs. Remember how I said this book’s insane tonal confusion isn’t subtle? Well, from the book’s perspective, putting a finger on Peter’s good side and bad side...is subtle. Problematically subtle. Which, on a literary standpoint, sounds like a good thing, but...

This is the part when I say the thing you ACTUALLY SHOULDN’T BE SUBTLE ABOUT is PETER. You CAN be subtle about his tragic backstory. Be subtle about sprinkling his good qualities over his CAKE TOWER of BADNESS. Give him some KICK. Have the flavors INTERACT. Make the audience be like “OOOH, is that cumin?? Interesting! HMMMM! INTERESTING! CUMIN! ON DORITOS! YEAh I am definitely eating Doritos, this is absolutely Doritos, but there’s some CUMIN in there! Okay, back to eating my DORITOS! OOOOH, IS THAT CAYENNE?????” But whatever you do, make it CLEAR what you are SERVING. You should not have a MIXED BAG, a MEDLEY, and try to sell it like not-a-medley. You should NOT make half your plate super spicy and half your plate super sweet and make the audience roll the dice on each bite they take. Peter Pan isn’t some complexass Faustian character study, it’s SUBVERSIVE HYPERVIOLENT DARK FANTASY PORN. IT’S DORITOS

This is how the voice of the opener should've been handled: Child rape —> Peter prevents child rape and saves child —> Peter is the bad guy.

This is how the voice of the rest of the book should've been handled: No matter what happens —> Peter is the bad guy.

I don’t have and never will have the literary criticism credentials to say anything with credible boldness, but I’m going to say this anyway: Using child rape to force the reader to feel a certain way about the tone of the world and the first heroic impression of a character is wrong. Forcing an act of heroism (especially for you to then later say “Just kidding not the hero”) in that context is inappropriate and wrong. That’s like throwing 9/11 into the background of a love story to force the audience to feel extra emotional. 1) There are many, many, many, many ways you can establish “realness” in your opener with or without violence. I’m not saying there is a hierarchy of what kind of awful things involving children are okay to write about, but opening your story with attempted child rape is an unnecessary extreme if parts of your story reads like an episode of Saved By The Bell. Revenge alone isn’t cool. John Wick is cool because of the way revenge is handled. Writing about attempted child rape and then immediate revenge on the rapist is the Epipen-shot-to-the-brain method of forcibly getting your audience to go “I LIKE PETER!”, which isn’t at all earned and probably shouldn’t be in your story… 2) ESPECIALLY if you don’t simultaneously establish with slats nailed on a wall that Peter is the bad guy. The author basically deceived the audience into liking Peter in the worst way possible, ironically, which is what he had Peter do to the other characters. If you want to cleverly deceive the audience into liking Peter, do it through his dialogue, personality, the externalized product of the relationship between him and his environment. Be inventive about it. It’s a book. You got words. Use...words to your advantage. If you want to open your story with attempted child rape at the very least as a way to tell the audience this shit’s serious, don’t.

Just don’t. It’s fine.

The Child Thief can’t be pinned as So Bad It’s Good. It’s poor, but it’s not Tommy Wiseau-acclaim-bad. The only way I can describe it is So Disorderly It’s Weird. But it has potential for being SO Weird It’s Kind Of Genius. Which makes it So Almost SO Weird It’s Kind Of Genius It’s Frustrating.

The book’s biggest detriment is that it takes itself too seriously. The author’s motivating in writing the book (this is fact) was that he recognized that the beloved original tale of Peter Pan has a lot of dark elements, but continues to be celebrated as a children’s story. And he wanted to take that notion and run with it. What happened was that he selectively fell in love with elements of that concept, and instead of writing a story that was meant to pull the rug from under us, he ended up writing a run-of-the-mill edgy dark fantasy that he was obliged to pepper with Peter Pan references. Instead of pulling the entire rug beneath our feet and hauling us onto our asses, he took a small handful of rug here and there and just occasionally tugged at it roughly, so that we’d almost lose our balance and get annoyed and tell him to stop.

The book lacks its own conceptual self-awareness that it built for itself, and the result is two different bodies trying to be forcibly shoved into the same book-sized box, when it should’ve been a new gross, satirical, humorous, unique body entirely.

In that sense, I really think this book could’ve been truly unironically awesome. I love the idea of cartoonishly exaggerating the dark elements (especially the violence) of the original tale that have been culturally ignored, like a lot of (or most) (or all) old children’s tales. My ideal solution to this book would actually be making it even more ridiculous in every way, but strung together with self-awareness and intention, where the author could acknowledge that the absurdity is instrumental, not indulgent. There are many aspects of the book that I really like thematically, and none of them are fully (or at all) seen through to their potential. These ideas aren’t really intentionally presented in the book, but: I like the idea that Peter is a sadistic volatile killing machine because he’s cursed with being riiiiiight on the cusp of hitting puberty, and his body is trapped without that natural sexual/psychological release, turning him into an aggressive animal constantly teased by unfulfilled subconscious heat. I like the idea that the lost boys element would be subverted into an inevitable Lord of the Flies esque shitstorm. I like the idea that the danger and villainy are at first generalized in adults but eventually presented in the children. I like the idea that every single possible fucking thing in the world—both the real world (mostly nyc LoL!) and Neverland—are a threat and are actively trying to kill the children, and the children treat it like an adventure before the horror becomes real. I like the idea of illustrating the outcome of blindly following fun naive figures of leadership. There are even a number of character interaction scenes that I like format wise. Just minus the embarrassing dialogue. That stuff's easy to rewrite in your head as you read it. Also I would take out that part in the book that I described as Bette Midler not having a shirt on while preying on a 6 year old. That part was really fucking uncomfortable. Seriously wtf, Gerald Brom.

I must concede this notion: The writer didn’t set out to create a masterpiece. He wrote the book to have fun. He succeeded, and his readers expected the same thing and received the experience they wanted. Of all the things that could’ve landed in my hands and tickled me in a weird enough way to make me wish it was better, for some reason it had to be this.

I could keep going, but...eh, (sigh).

But lastly—again, the descriptive writing of the world is very lush, and at times effectively horrific. The reading experience is a constant stop and start call-and-response of really great potential, really clumsy writing, and really misunderstood tonal directions. All those things put this book directly on the edge of FRUSTRATING. Uniquely frustrating. It couldn’t have been salvaged by the hands of a more competent writer, because the product came to light specifically out of the author’s unintentional confusion, not his laziness. A lazy product with potential can be salvaged through additions and tweaks, but The Child Thief cannot because the story was seen through the way it existed in the author’s head and heart. It is exactly what it...is. It can’t be imitated, or inspired by, or re-re-imagined. This weirdass fucking book is just sitting on this planet, being read by people, and shit.

…..Anyway. This was all just meant to be the caption for my fan art. http://jennacha.tumblr.com/post/172559227502/i-made-fan-art-of-a-book-i-both-love-and-hate-lol

#the child thief #brom #gerald brom

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 7 years ago

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The Top 100 Movies of the 1980s

Ah, the 80s. In terms of art, they were a time of boundless creativity, where it seemed like artists would put any crazy idea out there just to see what stuck. As a result, we got lots of crap... but we also got a whole lot of awesome, memorable, and iconic movies.

This was the decade where fantasy really got big, with unique fantasy films coming out all the time. Sci-fi and horror as well had a good decade, with the latter genre churning out all manner of quirky slasher films in which supernatural madmen killed. Stephen King movies had a good run as well, kicking off the decade with The Shining and getting some other good to great movies along the way. Animation produced a lot of quirky, niche films that only later found the devoted audiences they deserved, but it also put out the film that would launch an animated Renaissance in the next decade. And of course, the 80s truly belonged to one man: Arnold Schwarzenegger, who put out everything from action classics to hilarious comedies to cult classic films.

But that’s enough history; let’s get right on in to the list:

100. Heavy Metal

1981

Sci-fi, fantasy, horror, titties, sex, and awesome music all come together in this fascinating cult classic that loosely strings together a bunch of vignettes that exist solely to show off badass, mindlessly awesome sci-fi and fantasy adventures. It’s one of the most awesome and underrated animated films ever made for sure.

99. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banazai Across the 8th Dimension

1984

One of the strangest films ever, this one is especially notable for having a surprisingly star-studded cast which includes Peter Wellers, Christopher Lloyd, John Lithgow, Jeff Goldblum, and Clancy Brown. It’s a pretty fun sci-fi story too, that asks the REAL questions, like… what’s that watermelon over there for?

98. The Toxic Avenger

1984

Did Troma realize what they were unleashing upon the world when they made this? This epic, trashy revenge film about a janitor dipped in toxic waste due to a mean prank cleaning up crime in his shithole of a town is as awesomely ridiculous as the title implies.

97. The Living Daylights

1987

And they say there were no good Bond films in the 80s! Timothy Dalton’s first outing is rather excellent, and features an awesome scene in which the villain Necros disguised as a milkman lays waste to a house. License to Kill was great too, but this one just has a bit of an edge, mostly thanks to a-Ha’s awesome theme song.

96. The Great Mouse Detective

1986

Disney released a Sherlock Holmes-esque film with mice, and it is perhaps one of their most underrated classics. Aside from the excellent Holmesian mystery story, you have an incredibly risque song number from a stripper mouse and Vincent Price devouring the scenery as an incredibly hammy villain. What’s not to love here?

95. The Dark Crystal

1982

One of the boldest, most daring fantasy films of the 80s, this is some of Jim Henson’s finest work, no doubt. The story may be cliché, but the excellent worldbuilding, puppets, and overall design of everything more than makes up for the flaws.

94. The Return of the Living Dead

1985

Horror and comedy come together in this homage to Romero’s zombie films. Not only does this movie feature the iconic zombie Tarman, it is also responsible for popularizing zombies craving brains in pop culture. Zombie cinema owes this movie quite a debt of gratitude.

93. Fatal Attraction

1987

Some parts of this movie have not aged particularly well, particularly that slasher film-esque ending… the rest of it though? Still excellent, gripping, and dark. Alex Forrest is a disturbing villain for the ages, a woman scorned who takes her vengeance much, MUCH too far.

92. They Live!

1988

This film is a brilliant satire of Reagonomics featuring one of the greatest fistfight brawls in cinematic history, and yet it will always be known best for that one, single line: “I am here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.” And you know what? That’s ok.

91. The Lost Boys

1987

80s vampire movies don’t get much better than this one, one of the rare well-received films by Joel Schumacher. It has the style, the fashion, the Coreys! It’s the peak of 80s vampirism for sure.

90. Mystics in Bali

1981

This film is incredibly, insanely awesome, a complete and utter mindfuck. It’s basically what happens if you made a kung-fu movie except you replaced the kung-fu with witches and vampiric flying heads whose entrails dangle out their neck hole. This is one of the most batshit movies ever made, and deserves more respect.

89. Dirty Dancing

1987

I’d be remiss to not mention Baby and how no one should put her in a corner, but this movie has more going for it than just that, like an excellent soundtrack and an incredibly dreamy Patrick Swayze. Sure it’s a bit cheesy, but it really just adds to the charm of the film.

88. Twins

1988

Whoever would have guessed that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito would have such excellent onscreen comedic chemistry? More importantly, who could have ever guessed that they could convincingly and endearingly play twins?! Arnold and Danny made quite a few films together, but this one is definitely the best of the bunch, and easily one of Arnold’s best comedy outings.

87. The Adventures of Mark Twain

1985

This is a pretty dark story for a family film, what with it essentially being a man’s journey to commit suicide (that man being Mark Twain). Interspersed with vignette adaptations of his stories, including a scene based off of The Mysterious Stranger that is easily one of the most unsettling sequences of animation ever created, this is an underrated masterpiece.

86. Commando

1985

Somehow, some way, they managed to make an action movie that distilled everything amazing about Arnold Schwarzenegger action films together into one movie. It has one-liners, it has brutal kills, it has Arnold singlehandedly slaughtering his way through armies of goons, it has dozens of lines you can quote… this is a love letter to Arnold movies, starring the man himself.

85. The Last Dragon

1985

Blaxploitation and kung-fu go together like peanut butter and jelly; throw in some weird hokey mysticism and a gargantuan portion of cheese, and you have a cult classic on your hands. Throw in a villain as awesome and memorable as Sho’Nuff, and you have a gem for the ages.

84. UHF

1989

Weird Al only ever starred in one movie, but boy did he make that one movie count. This film is an excellent showcase of his odd, wacky sense of humor, and even then it still has a solid story to carry the jokes along.

83. Creepshow

1982

Horror legends Stephen King and George Romero teamed up with special effects wiz Tom Savini and paid tribute to old school horror comics of the 50s with this masterful string of short stories. Standouts include Something to Tide You Over featuring a shockingly terrifying turn by Leslie Neilsen, The Lonesome Death of Jody Verrill which has Stephen King himself in the titular role, and best of all The Crate, which is about the titular object… or, well, what’s inside it. All this adds together to make the best horror anthology film ever made.

82. Killer Klowns from Outer Space

1988

Step aside, Pennywise! Here comes a whole gang of man-eating clowns from the stars! In an homage to B-grade monster movies of the past, particularly The Blob, at that! Keeping the spirit of the old-school monster movie alive is an easy way to win me over, and doing it with tongue firmly in cheek? Well, that’s just icing on the cake!

81. Bad Taste

1987

Peter Jackson’s early work all truly lives up to the title of this film, but this one takes the cake, or perhaps the barfed-up bowl of goo. With all the gore and nastiness, this is one of the trashiest, most awesome sci-fi films ever inflicted upon this Earth.

80. The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

1988

Terry Gilliam’s charming flight of fancy is just as creative as his other 80s works, and honestly? It’s probably my personal favorite. Where else can you see an uncredited Robin Williams as king of the moon, or a young Uma Thurman as Aphrodite herself? Or the Grim Reaper in what might be its most horrifying cinematic interpretation ever?

79. The Land Before Time

1988

You wouldn’t think a film about dinosaur children journeying across the land could be so dark and gripping, but, well, here we are. This is one of the strangest coming-of-age films ever made… and also one of the best.

78. The Running Man

1987

Yet another Arnold classic, this one actually tackles some deeper themes beneath the cheesy 80s action, such as the glorification of violence in media and how the media loves to distort and twist the truth. This was years before reality TV mind you, and yet it was disturbingly accurate. And they say Arnold’s movies can’t be deep!

77. Clue

1985

Anyone who tells you “X is a stupid idea for a movie, it could never work!” is a fucking idiot, because in 1985 they managed to make an excellent screwball comedic mystery out of a popular board game… and it was magnificent! Getting folks like Madeline Kahn, Tim Curry, and Christopher Lloyd involved definitely helped.

76. Lethal Weapon

1987

I think it’s safe to say nearly every buddy cop movie after this one took a page from its book. This is a hugely influential movie, and thankfully it’s really damn good even looking back, giving us one of Mel Gibson’s best performances ever.

75. Christine

1983

What can I say? I love movies about killer cars. John Carpenter did a really good job at making the titular car as badass and menacing as possible, and it stands tall as one of the best films based off of Stephen King’s work.

74. The Brave Little Toaster

1987

Long before Toy Story 3, there was this film, which has a very similar plot, right down to the ending (which is no surprise as many people who worked on this went on to Pixar). With a charming and likable cast and several scenes that range from amusingly strange to nightmarishly memorable, this is one hell of a family film.

73. The Dead Zone

1983

Christopher Walken stars in this supernatural thriller based on a work by Stephen King, proving the 80s were probably one of the best times to be a Stephen King adaptation, because damn this is one hell of a film. Christopher Walken and Martin Sheen turn in fantastic performances in this one, highlights of their careers even.

72. The Untouchables

1987

While it is a somewhat fictionalized and dramatized account, there is no denying Brian De Palma managed to make the tale of Al Capone’s takedown as stylish and cool as you’d hope the story of the legendary gangster’s defeat would be.

71. The Killer

1989

This is without a doubt one of the finest films John Woo ever made. The action is incredible, the story is incredible, and it all culminates in a shootout at (where else?) a church. This is pure, classic, undiluted Woo right here.

70. Beetlejuice

1988

Michael Keaton portrays the ghost with the most, the titular spirit, with so much personality that it makes it nearly impossible to hate this film. It does help the other main characters have a lot of heart and charm to counteract his hilariously douchey antics, though.

69. Re-Animator

1985

Sci-fi and zombies collide in this H. P. Lovecraft adaptation. Jeffery Combs really makes the movie with his stellar performance as Herbert West. This is also probably the only movie where you can see a severed head try and perform cunnilingus on a young woman, so there’s that too.

68. The Name of the Rose

1986

What a strange concept: a detective story, except with a friar doing the investigating in an abbey in the Middle Ages. And yet, it somehow works really well, not in the least bit due to Sean Connery’s excellent performance.

67. Pumpkinhead

1988

One of the best overlooked horror films of the 80s, this is a rather unique demonic horror film. Lance Henriksen turns in a wonderful performance, but the real star here is special effects legend Stan Winston’s awesome creation, the titular monster. This is one hell of a directorial debut, I gotta say.

66. Caddyshack

1980

This is easily one of the best sports films and one of the funniest comedies ever made. Comedy legends like Chevy Chase and Bill Murray turn in excellent and hilarious performances, but as I’m sure you know it’s Rodney Dangerfield who’s busting everyone’s guts with his antics.

65. An American Werewolf in London

1981

This movie is pretty good as a horror film with comedic elements, but there’s no doubt it is most notable for the incredible special effects work from Rick Baker. And if that doesn’t tell you enough about this movie’s quality, Michael Jackson specifically sought out director John Landis and Baker to help him make the music video for “Thriller” solely because of this film.

64. Blow Out

1981

John Travolta stars in this fascinating thriller about a movie sound recordist who accidentally picks up proof that a supposed accident is murder while recording sounds. Dark, gritty, and as thrilling as a good thriller should be, this is one of Travolta’s and director Brian De Palma’s best films, hands down.

63. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

1986

Damn, how is this perennial classic about the ultimate lovable slacker so low? Well, mostly because I kinda find Ferris to be a manipulative douchebag who manages to get away with everything by taking advantage of the good graces of others. But do my feelings toward the titular character change the fact this is a charming work of 80s genius? Nope!

62. The NeverEnding Story

1984

The 80s were a wonderful time for unique and creative fantasy films, and not many were as creative as this one, which has impressive puppet work, incredible designs for the sets and strange beings that populated the world, and a somewhat cheesy but charming and exciting story populated with likable characters.

61. Big

1988

This is a movie that just oozes charm. Part of it is due to it being one of the most lowkey fantasy films of the 80s; the other part comes with it being a unique take on the coming-of-age story. But let’s be honest: most of it comes from the living embodiment of charm himself, Tom Hanks.

60. Return to Oz

1985

This movie has a lot going against it, seeing as it’s something of a sequel to a beloved classic. But instead of going for the colorful and cheerful route of the original (with moments of darkness) this movie goes in the opposite route, with moments of cheerful quirkiness surrounded by some truly unnerving and dark content, such as a witch who steals people’s heads. In all honesty, this makes the film, in a lot of ways, better than The Wizard of Oz.

59. Stand By Me

1986

Many see this as one of the greatest coming-of-age films, and one of the greatest Stephen King movies ever made. And on both fronts, it’s easy to agree. Four boys walking down the train tracks together… is there a more iconic image in the history of coming-of-age films?

58. Ladyhawke

1988

A forgotten fantasy masterpiece of the late 80s, it features Rutger Hauer and Michelle Pfeiffer as star-crossed lovers, with Hauer turning to a wolf by night and Pfeiffer becoming a hawk by day. This is a creative and unique fantasy romance that definitely deserves more exposure than it got.

57. Willow

1988

What if George Lucas made Lord of the Rings? You’d probably get something like this, which features a story written by him, a story which despite the 80s fantasy cheesiness resonates with all the charm of the early Star Wars films and even featuring one of the franchise’s stars – Warwick Davis, AKA Wicket the Ewok.

56. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

1989

While it is something of a formulaic Indy film, it’s also the single best sequel of the series. Who isn’t a sucker for Arthurian legend, Christian mythology, and Sean Connery fighting Nazis? People you don’t want to spend time around, that’s who.

55. Brazil

1985

This is Terry Gilliam’s magnum opus, a sci-fi masterpiece with a similar dystopia to 1984. The difference here is that there’s a bit more dark comedy – not surprising since Gilliam is a Monty Python alum. Despite being fucked up by executive meddling originally, these days it has become hailed as one of the greatest sci-fi films of all time and a cult classic for the ages. Hard to disagree with that.

54. The Karate Kid

1984

Of course this would be on here. This is one of those beloved classics that has to be on every great 80s film list, in no small part due to Pat Morita’s Mr. Miyagi and the epic motivational jam “You’re the Best.”

53. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

1988

From the hilarious opening and the creative opening credits to Leslie Neilsen’s hilariously deadpan performance to all the clever jokes, slapstick, and visual gags, this is one of the funniest works in Neilsen’s career, and even in cinema as a whole.

52. The Little Mermaid

1989

Disney was in a dark, troubled time in the 80s… and then this film came along and kickstarted their 90s Renaissance era with a bang. Unforgettable songs, an entertaining villain, and one of Disney’s most charming main characters (so charming she doesn’t even need to speak!), The Little Mermaid easily stands the test of time, though it isn’t quite as good as some later Disney films.

51. Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures

1989

One of Keanu Reeves’ earliest films, this is the story of two lovable doofuses and their journey through time to meet some of history’s greatest mind. Filled with laughs and charm, this is to this day one of Reeves’ best and most enjoyable films. It helps to have George Carlin in your movie.

50. Jason Lives: Frday the 13th Part VI

1986

There were five films before this of varying quality, with the first being a horror milestone, but it’s pretty hard to deny that part six is the best of the bunch. It brings Jason back as a zombie, it adds in some humorous and tongue-in-cheek elements, and most importantly it has Alice Cooper popping out a badass villain theme song for Jason. This is where the series peaked.

49. Big Trouble in Little China

1986

One of John Carpenter’s greatest efforts, this film has truly earned its cult following. Martial arts and mysticism blend together to create a unique tale in which, in the words of Carpenter and Kurt Russell themselves, shows us “...A guy who thinks he’s the action hero when he’s really the comic sidekick.”

48. Spaceballs

1987

Mel Brooks proves he can be funny in any decade he decides to make a movie with this, a spoof of not only Star Wars but sci-fi tropes in general. You’ll be quoting a lot of the lines long after the movie ends, guaranteed.

47. The Elephant Man

1980

One of David Lynch’s most straightforward films… and yet, also one of his best. It is a powerful, emotional story loosely based on the real tale of Joseph Merrick (here in the film named John). John Hurt gives an incredible performance as Merrick, and in an important cultural milestone this film was the movie that helped establish the Best Makeup category at the Oscars following this film getting snubbed for it (it was previously merely a special citation award that had been given out twice).

46. Pink Floyd: The Wall

1982

One of the most infamously trippy and surreal music movies ever made, the deranged animation combined with some horrifying real-life imagery blend together to create one of the most inventive and strange artistic experiences ever put to film.

45. The Secret of NIMH

1982

Don Bluth’s magnum opus, and dark story of a mother’s bravery and love for her child as she goes against insurmountable odds to save her sickly son from death. Well known for its fucked up imagery, it also contains a lot of heart and spirit, particularly in the brilliantly done main character, Mrs. Brisby. There’s a reason this is cited as one of the finest animated films ever made.

44. Conan the Barbarian

1982

Basically every swords & sorcery film owes a massive debt of gratitude to this, the epic Arnold tale of a mighty barbarian’s quest for revenge. When everything from Red Sonja to Samurai Jack owes you a debt of gratitude, it’s safe to say you’re classic.

43. Clash of the Titans

1981

Greek myths have never been brought to life more enjoyably. While there is a fine layer of cheese here – the mechanical owl and Zeus’ disco lights being the chief offenders – it’s all part of this film’s charm. Ray Harryhausen did the work for the stop-motion monsters, and without a doubt his work on Medusa is some of his finest work ever, with her single scene being the stuff of nightmares. And let us not forget his reimagining of the kraken as the stand-in for Cetus; here, the kraken is a massive four-armed fish man, a take that has embedded itself in pop culture enough that other fantasy settings have cribbed this for their krakens.

42. Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi

1983

The capstone to the thrilling original trilogy, it is a tad more uneven than the previous installment, but that’s about the only major negative going for it. From the opening scenes in Kabba’s slimy crime palace to the final battle with the Empire on the moon of Endor, this movie set the standard for how you should conclude a trilogy (though it didn’t set the standard on how you should treat Boba Fett).

41. The Last Unicorn

1982

The Rankin and Bass combo is best known for bringing delightfully corny stop-motion Christmas specials to life, but in 1982, they brought this, a gorgeous, dark, magical family film. At times charmingly magical, at others horrifyingly dark, but always stunningly gorgeous, this is one of the greatest hidden gems of the 80s.

40. Highlander

1986

Clever concepts and a fine cast come together beautifully in this unique fantasy film of immortals doing battle. Come for Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert’s excellent performances, stay for Clancy Brown’s early role as the badass and psychotic villain Victor Kruger. There’s plenty of silliness and badassery all around, as is only fitting for an 80s fantasy film.

39. Akira

1988

Motorcycle riding, explosions, telekinesis, psychic kids, horrifying mutations… this anime has it all! There’s even overdramatic shouting of the name of a friend! This film helped show to many that animation had a place beyond just entertaining kids or families, and that adult animation is a viable thing; not only that, it really helped introduce anime in the West, and helped inspire other great works like The Matrix. Truly a landmark, Akira’s place in pop culture and cinematic history can’t be ignored.

38. Pee-wee’s Big Adventures

1985

This film is weird; it’s a Tim Burton film that doesn’t really feel like a Tim Burton film (Large Marge notwithstanding). But that’s a good thing in this case; this charmingly simple tale of an eccentric man on a quest to retrieve his lost bike while getting into misadventures and meeting equally eccentric characters, culminating in an epic chase scene across Warner Bros. lots, is nothing short of fun.

37. Labyrinth

1986

Jim Henson and David Bowie were two of the most inventive, creative, and talented men on the planet, and yet putting the two of them together on one project seems crazy. And yet, it happened, and boy is the result glorious. The incredible puppet work and catchy songs are one thing, but David Bowie’s performance as Jareth the Goblin King is on a whole different level. He does so good he makes up for Jennifer Connelly’s corny acting in spades.

36. The Road Warrior

1981

Before Fury Road, there was The Road Warrior, a movie that lays as much claim to being called one of the most adrenaline-charged action films of all time. Filled with the crazy car stunts and action you would expect of a Mad Max movie, this movie is so good you almost forget you’re cheering for Mel Gibson of all people. Almost.

35. The Breakfast Club

1985

A group of misfits get together in detention, and inner reflection and a tight bond ensue. This is another one of those perennial classics, a teen movie that has stood the test of time and remained relatable through the years. It’s hard not to relate to a bunch of alienated, suffering teens; we were all there once.

34. First Blood

1982

Before the heavily actionized sequels… there was this, a tragic, almost Shakesperean tale of a Vietnam vet who is so traumatized by his experience there is just no place for him in this world. This was far deeper and more politically charged than newcomers to the Rambo movies might expect, but it is all the better for it.

33. The Fly

1986

Remaking a B-grade horror film and turning it into one of the most shining examples of body horror in all of cinema is quite an impressive feat, but David Cronenberg pulled it off! This movie is in many ways superior to the original film, and features one of Jeff Goldblum’s most impressive performances – one that is Oscar-worthy, I might add.

32. The Blues Brothers

1980

Movies based off of SNL skits have a reputation of sucking… save for this hilarious musical masterpiece, which has anything you could ever ask for from a comedy: Nazis getting run over, great songs and choreography, tons of cameos, and the greatest car chase ever put to film.

31. Field of Dreams

1989

If you build it, they will come… and cry their eyes out. This is one of the most tearjerking and heartwarming sports movies ever made, and arguably the best lowkey fantasy film of the 1980s.

30. TRON

1982

Sci-fi hardly got more groundbreaking than this cult classic. This movie just oozes style, what with its glowy video game aesthetics, and features a young Jeff Bridges (which is always a plus) and those kickass lightcycles. These days it has gotten a lot more appreciation due to things like Kingdom Hearts, and that appreciation is not undeserved; what other movie can spawn an awesome sequel three decades after the original?

29. Flash Gordon

1980

You COULD say that this film is nothing but a Star Wars ripoff that shamelessly cribs that series and its aesthetic… or you could say FLASH! AAAAAAAA-AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE! The costumes, the cheesiness, the Queen soundtrack… this movie is the epitome of awesome.

28. Batman

1989

Tim Burton’s first crack at the Caped Crusader is still, to this day, one of the most impressive superhero films ever. Big props to both Michael Keaton in the title role and Jack Nicholson as his archenemy, the Joker; as it should be, these two and their performances make the film.

27. Full Metal Jacket

1987

One of Kubrick’s greatest works, it is a misunderstood work; you don’t just tune out after R. Lee Ermey’s part ends. You come for Gunnery Sgt. Hartman, you stay for him, and then you sit through the Vietnam war bit. Yes, even I’ll admit the Vietnam war part is not quite as good as the first half… but it still is filled with memorable scenes, characters, and quotes. Still though, mad props to Ermey, one of the few men to ever get away with improvising lines under Kubrick’s direction. You can’t understate an achievement like that.

26. Heathers

1988

One of the greatest black comedies, maybe even THE best black comedy, ever made. It’s like a dark parody of films like The Breakfast Club, with high school angst and bitchy cliques taken to their logical extreme.

25. A Nightmare on Elm Street

1984

This was really hard. The Elm Street series maintained a rather consistent level of quality overall throughout the 80s, from the underrated fifth and second installments to the third movie, which I would say is the best of the bunch. But I think that this spot can only belong to the original, without which none of the others would be possible. Wes Craven truly created an icon in the nightmarish Freddy Krueger, and Robert Englund brought him to life. This is truly the finest slasher film of the 80s.

24. This is Spinal Tap

1984

13 spaces away from its ideal spot, this mockumentary follows the world’s loudest metal band on one of their crazy tours. This film has apparently had actual rock stars scratching their heads and wondering what the joke is… apparently this film is too real for them. Whether that makes this better or not is up to you, but there’s really no denying this is a brilliant film either way.

23. Airplane!

1980

Remember the days when spoof movies were funny? This film is a crowning moment of comedic genius; it needs to be seen to truly be appreciated, it’s a comedy no amount of explaining can do justice. Just go watch it and laugh your ass off.

22. RoboCop

1987

Action and comedy are genres that really go hand-in-hand; being a bit tongue in cheek about slaughtering hordes of evil mooks is just amusing on a lot of levels. RoboCop manages to be ultraviolent, funny, bitingly satirical, and just a plain good time.

21. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

1982

Sci-fi rarely gets more Shakesperean than this. There’s very little about this that isn’t absolutely iconic and ingrained in pop culture, from Kirk’s infamous scream of Khan’s name to Khan himself as played by Ricardo Montalban to the tragic final moments of Spock near the end. This is widely considered one of the greatest sequels ever made, and it’s nearly impossible to argue against that.

20. Blade Runner

1982

Harrison Ford. Rutger Hauer. A dark sci-fi dystopia. It’s hard to believe this movie was once a cult classic that didn’t exactly wow at the box office, since it has gone on to be one of the biggest sources of inspiration in the sci-fi genre ever, and managed to produce one of the greatest monologues ever with Roy Batty’s “Tears in the Rain” speech. Some would argue that the recently released sequel surpasses this, but we still gotta give props for all this film gave us.

19. The Terminator

1984

The original unstoppable robot assassin film is truly iconic, and it is one of the films that helped turn Arnold Schwarzenegger into the massive pop culture icon he is today. So many quotable lines and a dark, brooding atmosphere that heightens the intensity, this is a film that, while overshadowed a bit by its incredible sequel, is every bit as good as you could imagine.

18. Gremlins

1984

This is heralded as one of the greatest Christmas movies ever, and it’s hard to argue; this is a charming, quirky, dark holiday monster movie. The creature designs are fantastic, the characters are likable, and the movie just has such a sense of black comedy and dark fun that it’s pretty much infectious. This is the standard by which all holiday monster movies should be judged.

17. Predator

1987

This is the definitive Arnold movie, and one of the manliest movies ever made on the face of the Earth. Not a single line of dialogue, not a single scene, nothing in this movie isn’t dripping with the sheer essence of manliness. Hell, the one woman that is in here is hardly noticeable due to the sheer amount of muscular men surrounding her. And even all the incredible manliness aside, we have one of the most awesome, badass alien antagonists ever put to film, with a unique design and an arsenal of weapons that make it into basically what Boba Fett SHOULD have been. This movie kicks so much ass it’s unreal; watch it, and you too can be a sexual Tyrannosaurus!

16. Scarface

1983

This is probably the best gangster movie ever. Yeah, you heard me: I think this is better than The Godfather, and maybe even better than Goodfellas (at the very least, those two are on the same level). I think the reason I believe this is because Tony Montana is just such a compelling character; his rags-to-riches story and his own paranoia and hubris causing his downfall is like a Greek tragedy, and the movie is like this dark, violent character study. In that way, you could call this the Citizen Kane of gangster films, except this film is also entertaining and engaging.

15. Escape from New York

1981

Kurt Russell has scarcely gotten a better role in his career than he did here. Snake Plissken is a hardened badass, and a pop culture icon who has inspired many incredible characters, from Solid Snake to Hoss Delgado. But the main character isn’t the only thing worthwhile; John Carpenter’s excellent and atmospheric score and the dark dystopian world shown here all help this film carve out its own identity amidst many bleak dystopian films of the 80s. But… yeah, Snake is what really makes this movie. I’m a sucker for ruggedly handsome men in eyepatches, sue me.

14. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

1982

What kind of list would this be without this film on here somewhere? Spielberg really outdid himself here; it’s a heartwarming, tearjerking, incredibly well-done lowkey sci-fi film for the ages. Spielberg somehow managed to make a lumpy brown alien into the most sweet, adorable thing you could ever hope to see, and managed to give us some of the best child acting ever seen with the child leads of the movie. There’s very little about this film that isn’t excellent; it’s no wonder it has gone on to embed itself in pop culture to the extent it has.

13. Blue Velvet

1986

It’s amazing how good straightforward David Lynch movies can be, considering the man is usually at his best with surreal mindfucks. But this somewhat less surreal film is a dark look at the rotten heart behind the cheerful facade of white picket fence America, a darkness completely embodied in the horrifying, insane madman that is Dennis Hopper’s Frank Booth, a frothing lunatic for the ages and one of the greatest villains ever put to screen.

12. The Thing

1982

People who say all remakes are inevitably doomed from the get-go and that there can be no such thing as a good remake are hard to take seriously when movies like The Fly and this, John Carpenter’s magnum opus, exist. Taking an old B-grade horror sci-fi film and reworking it into a gory horror story that acts as a reflection of the then-current AIDS crisis and Cold War paranoia was a stroke of genius, and manages to create a film that truly outshines the original in just about every way. Maybe more directors should try remaking old B-movies.

11. The Goonies

1985

Children going on adventures was a huge thing in the 80s, and for my money, it never got better than this film. This film is like a combination of everything great about 1980s adventure movies: creative death traps, likable characters, memorable music that will instantly get you to think of the film, memorable villains, and a solid plot about saving the neighborhood… all of it seems so cliché, but by god does this film make it all work. And for how cheesy it all sounds and how 80s the film feels, it holds up remarkably well! Goonies never say die, indeed.

10. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

1988

And they say the movie can never be better than the book! Even the guy who wrote the book this is based on thinks the movie is better, and who can blame him? Not only do we have truly groundbreaking effects that really help you believe animated characters and live-action characters are interacting, Daffy Duck and Donald Duck have a scene where they get into a fight, and then later Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny share a scene! Holy shit, for those two scenes alone this movie would deserve a spot on this list, and the fact that the rest of it is as exciting and memorable as those scenes is just a showcase of what a genius work this is.

9. The Shining

1980

It’s hard to believe that Kubrick won the Worst Director Razzie for this movie (well, it’s not that hard to believe, the Razzies fucking suck), since this is one of the most intensely atmospheric horror films ever made. Leave it to an insane perfectionist like Kubrick to make a ghost story as chilling and terrifying as this. This movie is also the poster child for an adaptation that is excellent while deviating quite a bit from the source material. Hardcore Stephen King fans may be disappointed, but for everyone else, this is one of the greatest, most iconic, and most influential horror films ever made. Even King came around to loving it eventually!

8. Evil Dead II

1987

The original movie was a low-budget gorefest about a bunch of kids terrorized by demonic spirits in a cabin in the woods… with all but one person dead, where could they go from there? Why, they could add some more comedic elements and make Ash more badass than ever by giving him a chainsaw for a hand! Equal parts funny and scary, this film manages to improve on its predecessor in every way – and there’s no tree rape here, either, which is always a big plus! Bruce Campbell truly shines in his performance as Ash Williams, and really sets the tone for what the man would become in the equally awesome sequel and TV series. Sure, some of the stuff here is really campy, but there’s no doubt in my mind a lot of the silliness is intentional; it’s all part of the charm.

7. Back to the Future

1985

Time travel plots are tricky to pull off, due to all the tricky logic involved. You’re pretty much always gonna have holes in the time travel logic, so you better be damn sure you have charming, likable characters at the helm to keep the audience from straining their brains trying to make sense of the weirdness… and by god, this film has that! Michael J. Fox, one of the most charming people alive, is Marty McFly, and Christopher Lloyd is one of the most lovably eccentric scientists ever put to screen. It also helps this film takes on a more fun, lighthearted, and funny tone, leading to it just oozing charm. Much like many other films on this list, it’s easy to see why this has become such an iconic movie.

6. Die Hard

1988

This is considered one of the greatest action films ever made, one of the greatest Christmas movies ever made, and just flat-out one of the greatest movies ever made, period. But why is that? Because it’s a story of an average, everyday man thrust into an extraordinarily dangerous situation, and he deals with it like any ordinary cop would deal with a situation as crazy as terrorists taking over a skyscraper. Unlike other 80s action heroes, John McClane isn’t some crazy, invincible badass who can gun down a hundred mooks with ease. He bleeds, he gets hurt, he takes a fucking beating… but he is determined to save the day no matter what, and he perseveres to take out the charming, cunning snake that is Hans Gruber. Of note is that Hans Gruber is an awesome, incredible villain, one for the ages… and in a weird twist, the hero is equally good, if not BETTER than the villain. That’s a rare sight for sure!

5. Ghostbusters

1984

Few films from the 80s have aged as well as this. From the mostly great special effects (yeah, the stop-motion on the demon dogs is not quite up to par with the other effects) to the inventive plot, this movie is not short on good ideas, but the real glue holding this film together is the camaraderie between the four leads. The four Ghostbusters have such great chemistry and play off each other really well, with their differing personalities bouncing off each other with such great results… more movies should take notes from the chemistry that Aykroyd, Murray, Ramis, and (to a lesser extent) Hudson have.

4. Aliens

1986

This right here is how you do a sequel that strays from the original’s tone and even genre a bit while still staying true to the idea. And what do you know, it’s James Cameron doing it, pulling off a feat he’d do again in the 90s with the second Terminator film! The original Alien was a dark, claustrophobic horror film; this movie keeps some of the horror elements, but ups the action, the amount of aliens, and most importantly the amount of Ripley. Sigourney Weaver cements Ripley’s place in the halls of pop culture with her iconic portrayal of sci-fi’s greatest leading lady. It’s a sequel that’s so damn good, it may just be better than the original. Now, if only Cameron could come back to the franchise… Ridley Scott ain’t doing so well with it.

3. The Princess Bride

1987

The 80s was not short on great fantasy films whatsoever… but none of them can hold a candle to the masterpiece that is Rob Reiner’s comedic fantasy adventure. All of these characters are memorable, the dialogue is infinitely quotable, there’s just never a dull moment… and long before Dave Bautista wowed audiences in Guardians of the Galaxy, we had Andre the Giant showing us all wrestlers could deliver great film performances. There’s not really anything bad I can say about this movie… except that it ends. Ah well, nothing great lasts forever.

2. Raiders of the Lost Ark

1981

Cinematic adventures just don’t get better than this. There’s hardly anything I can say about this movie that hasn’t been said a million times better by a million other reviewers; this is a fun, exciting adventure with a bit of light fantasy elements tossed in to spice everything up. And you know, in this day and age, seeing an all-American badass bookworm beating the shit out of Nazis is just really damn refreshing.

1. Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

1980

The dawn of the 80s saw the release of what very well may be the single greatest sequel ever made. It takes everything that was good about the original movie and just runs with it; there’s more aliens, more exotic locales, more Jedi action, more drama, more Han Solo… And then we have truly iconic moments, lines, and characters like the battle of Hoth, Lando Calrissian, Boba Fett, Yoda, “I am your father,” “I love you.”/“I know.” This is one of the crowning achievements of the sci-fi genre, the magnum opus of the Star Wars saga, and without a doubt the finest film of the 1980s.

#list #movie #movies #1980 #1980s #Arnold Schwarzenegger #Star Wars #Indiana Jones #Sci-Fi #Fantasy #Slasher film #horror

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evieshook · 7 years ago

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smile for the camera

pairing: harry/evie rating: pg-13 words: ~1800 a/n: oops, i didn’t realize they actually weren’t on the red carpet like you requested until i finished writing it, but i hope this still satisfies you. the media can be dogs. prompt: Can I ask for a prompt for a hook and evie au where they're on the red carpet together and get asked a bunch of questions like Ben and mal in the movie?? requested by: @thatmartinskishit read on: [ao3] [ffn.net]

While Evie was one to normally bask in attention, especially in the sight of flashing cameras and numerous reporters, this situation was one that her wishing that she wasn’t placed in the spotlight for once. The crowd of reporters around her were nothing like the crowds at the Cotillion, where they were at least respectful as she sauntered down the carpet, modelling her newest designs. No, these reminded her eerily of the press interviews she had seen Mal been hounded by especially during the beginnings of her relationship with Ben. Her previous wishes to perhaps experience the same thing had been flushed evidently down the drain when she realized just how similar to a pack of wild animals the press was.

They just wouldn’t leave her alone.

It had been a few days since news broke out of her relationship with one Harry Hook, the both of them finally deciding it was time to go public after keeping it secret for so long. Harry was getting annoyed at having to always hide all the time, and while Evie had previously not shared his annoyance, the tolls of keeping a clandestine relationship had caught up to her in no time. It was hard enough getting alone time together as it was, with Harry’s new spot as a member of the R.O.A.R team and Evie’s blooming fashion line, but they had managed to make it work under the guise of Harry being her male model.

So under heavy convincing from Harry, Evie had finally conceded to making their relationship known. However, when she thought of revealing the news only to their trusted friends, she did not realize that news would spread around the school like wildfire, nor did she expect that it was just as noteworthy as Ben dating Mal. The response had been nothing like when she had first dated Doug, everyone seemingly chill and not making such a big deal out of it.

But it was like once she started dating Harry, she was only to be thrown to the press hounds. Evie truly didn’t understand the fascination behind their relationship. Besides the fact that it was probably an opposites attract thing, she didn’t think it would be so interesting, not when she had previously dated a dwarf’s son. But apparently dating a pirate was a big deal, especially when it was one Harry Hook, who had quite expectedly become a big deal in Auradon. Perhaps it was devilishly good looks, or his notorious reputation of being a little cuckoo, but nonetheless Harry appeared to garner attention everywhere he went.

News of the new VKs from Auradon had indeed spread like wildfire, and while most students were accepting of them now, it still didn’t mean they weren’t the least bit curious. Harry, Uma and Gil were the students’ most popular topics of discussion it seemed, the fearsome trio garnering as much looks as the four of them originally had. While Gil had seamlessly integrated into Auradon society, Harry and Uma were a little different. It took a while for Uma to come around, but she did eventually, but Harry seemed to be the hardest to change. He was never the most rational of people, and he did have his dark side but it wasn’t as dark as she had previously thought to believe. When they had finally gotten together, she had learnt many things about him, including his true aspirations of being as great of a captain as his father and wanting nothing more than setting sail on a great big adventure.

He was still rebellious by all means, but he had calmed slightly when he had gotten to Auradon, Evie playing a huge part in that. So perhaps it was because they were the only VKs to actually start a relationship with another villain child that they were gaining so much attention, but Evie wasn't exactly sure if it was a good thing.

She had admitted enjoyed all the renewed attention, basking in it like she was raised to do but it was strange to her that she was the only one who ever got hounded. Whenever she was with Harry or he was alone, crowds of reporters never seemed to mob him just as they did with her. She had cursed her luck that day when she found herself alone, becoming a target for the press yet again.

“Tell us Miss Evie, how did you and Captain Hook’s son begin your relationship?”

“Did he curse you?”

“Or did you curse him?”

“Did you ever date on the Isle?”

“What was your previous relationship like back on the Isle?”

“How come you two are the only villain children that ended up dating each other?”

“Are you two conspiring to get revenge?”

Evie frowned at this. She was afraid that people would think that their coming together would only lead to an insane vengeance plot, or that people assumed they aspired for world domination, which was most definitely true.

“Are you looking for world domination?”

As she was about to open her mouth to speak, she felt an arm slide around her waist tightly, Evie almost jumping until his voice reached her ears. “Now that sounds like an interesting idea. Perhaps we’ll steal the barrier remote and let all the villain folk free,” she heard him say, his seemingly teasing words having dangerous undertones.

Evie raised a brow, saying nothing as he continued speaking. “And then after that, we’ll come back to Auradon and pillage the lot of ye, burning down castles and houses.”

“Is that true Miss Evie?”

A bunch of microphones were shoved in her face, Evie scowling at the sudden flashing lights. A hand moved in front of her to move it all away as she felt Harry’s arm grip her tighter. “Are ye lot stupid or what? Of course not ye dumb shits. We aren’t plotting revenge, and we sure as hell aren’t going to let those villains off the Isle.”

She could hear him reign in his anger, and for that she was grateful as she didn’t think she wanted to see Harry hooking a bunch of reporters be aired on national television. “I thought that by now, with Mal as queen, you’d all have lost this stigma you still carry of us villain children but perhaps not,” Evie finally spoke out from beside him, glaring into the cameras as a few reporters had the decency to look guilty.

“But you’re dating another villain child! Who’s to say you won’t turn against us?”

Everyone turned to look at a plump reporter who had the audacity to raise his head up high as he spoke to the two of them. From the corner of her eye, she could hear Harry clench his fists and she knew that if she didn’t say something soon, Harry would really let loose.

“Are you saying that just because I’m not dating an Auradonian folk, that I will lose all the morals and values I have lost since coming here? Are you saying that it was just because I dated someone who was from Auradon, that makes me good?” she spoke frostily, glaring dangerously at the man.

“Did you not hear of when I helped save the kingdom from Maleficent? Did you not hear of me setting up a charity out of all the money I earned from my fashion line? Do you dare question the King and Queen’s royal advisor of her allegiances?”

He seemed to have silenced at the words, lips tightly shut as his face went red. Evie felt Harry press his lips against the top of her head, muttering, “Serves him right Princess. Ye did well.”

She grinned as she leaned into his touch, attention now diverting to the reporters who still crowded around them. “Now are there any other questions not accusing me and Harry of world domination? Or are we done here?”

Perhaps she should have ended the conference there while she had a chance for she was soon posed a number of questions from people all around her, asking of details of her relationship with Harry that she really not want to share. But Harry had sensed her discomfort and had answered it all himself, smoothly dodging questions that were too personal to answer or answering with some clever wit.

If Evie wasn’t already so in love with him, she thought that this would’ve definitely sealed the deal.

“Last question to you both,” a reporter asked from her right. Harry and Evie turned to the voice, Evie nodding for him to continue.

He smile at them. “Can we get a kiss of you for the cover of the paper? The crowds would love it.”

Harry and Evie shared a look, before a smug smirk crept onto Harry’s face. “Now that is somethin’ I’d be more than glad to oblige to.”

He turned to Evie, who was looking up at him expectantly. “Princess,” he said before leaning down to lightly press his lips against hers, Evie moving her hands to cup his face. She could hear the numerous camera flashes around her but Evie paid them no heed as she deepened the kiss only slightly, Harry tightening his hold on her waist.

When they finally pulled away, they met the satisfied faces of the reporters before Harry shot them a look, ordering them to scram. They did so at once, leaving the couple to their peace with arms still tightly wrapped around each other.

Evie let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding as she leaned into him for a hug. “I can’t believe that was what Mal had to go through every day. No wonder she wanted to go back to the Isle.”

“Auradon folk, thinkin’ that they can make what’s our business theirs. But it’ll die down eventually, until they find somethin’ new to waste their lives on.”

She hummed in agreement, decidedly enjoying his presence while she still had him. “Thank you for saving me though. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

She lifted her head to see him crookedly grinning at her, a grin she knew was only used when he was around her. “Pleasure’s all mine Princess. After all, that’s what pirates are for, to save ye damsels in distress.”

Evie slapped him lightly on the chest. “I’m not a damsel in distress.”

He chuckled as he breathed in her scent, comfortably resting his chin atop her head. “Aye, ye aren’t.”

#hevie #harry x evie #descendants #descendants 2 #harry hook #evie descendants #evie #m: fic #he: fic #mine #request filled

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frasier-crane-style · 7 years ago

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Superman TAS Season 1

Well, with Superman: OYL, we’ve reached the point where canon from TAS really started immigrating to the comics (Livewire just got here ‘last year’ and Mercy Graves has been here a while as part of a double-act with Hope). Seems like a good time to review this bad boy.

1-3: Last Son of Krypton.

A serviceable Superman origin story. As good a time as any to talk about the season as a whole. Obviously, the Lois and Lex here are damn near definitive, and Clark is damn near up there (his voiceover in Justice League is neck and neck, but not a startlingly different take either). The theme song is an okay do-over of the Williams theme, although the title sequence shows a representative stitching together of scenes from the first few episodes instead of an original mini-story like Batman’s opener, which contributes to the also-run feeling.

It doesn’t help that Superman here, ironically enough, is far more of a loner than Batman. Batman has Alfred and Robin in on the secret, and can talk to them about his life as a superhero. Superman just has his parents, and they aren’t exactly riveting characters (and ‘talking to your parents about what’s going on in your life’ isn’t a particularly potent power fantasy either). It makes Superman feel a bit flatter and less introspective, since he’s just out doing stuff instead of seeming to think about it.

The take on Lex is as primordial as it gets--instead of being elaborated on with humanistic or xenophobic overtones, it’s just that Lex is a megalomaniac and Clark is the guy who keeps getting in his way. Simplistic, but able enough for a kids’ show. But there’s a scene that keeps showing up in origin stories: Superman has just foiled Lex’s plot, he shows up at Lexcorp Tower, not able to prove anything, but wanting Lex to know shit just got real. Usually, it’s a quick thesis on how these two will never ever be able to get along, and I’d like that to incorporate a little philosophy. Here, it’s just Clark mad-dogging Lex’s attempts to bargain with him until he says “I’ll be watching you.” Sleek enough, but a little pre-Crisis.

Worth noting: Brainiac shows up as an early contender for Big Bad, and in his stinger appearance, he slashes through some hapless aliens with their blood splashing on the walls. It’s not red or anything, but yeesh. That never happens in Teen Titans...

4: Fun And Games

Unless you count a pre-Metallo John Corben, Toyman’s creepy update is the first supervillain Kal-El faces. He’s out for revenge against Bruno Mannheim, leader of Intergang, the de facto organized crime in Metropolis (while Lex will employ criminals, it’s obviously not the thrust of his organization--his chief illegal activity seems to be arming and otherwise dealing with terrorists. Try getting away with that in a kids’ show these days!). As deliberately scary as this incarnation is, he doesn’t do anything as X-Pac Heat as killing kids--I can’t help but think he’s got to be somewhat more popular than the ‘fat momma’s boy’ incarnation we usually see. In fact, I wonder if this Toyman didn’t inspire the Saw movies.

5: A Little Piece of Home

Lex Luthor gets a fair number of episodes where he’s the heavy, which is nice--it keeps him from just being a ‘weird uncle’ of the Superman Family. Here, he not only hires Biff Tannen to beat up a Kryptonite-weakened Man of Steel, he also controls a robot dinosaur to kill the same! With style like that, you can overlook that if he’d just planted a bomb beside the Kryptonite and set it off, he probably could’ve killed Superman.

6: Feeding Time

Rudy Jones, a put-upon janitor involved in criminal activities, is exposed to toxic waste and becomes the Parasite. The take on him here is decent enough: he’s the most purely ‘punkish’ villain we’ll see all season, but he has the purely deadliest power: being able to drain Superman, learn his secret identity, and take him captive to use as a living phone charger! As Superman points out, he literally becomes as powerful as Superman, but is such an idiot that he goes around knocking over jewelry stores. Oh well, every superhero needs a Sandman or two in his rogue’s gallery. His creation is also a nice bit of grisly body horror.

7: The Way of All Flesh

After Lex clandestinely infects the captive John Corben with a deadly virus, Corben agrees to be transformed into Metallo. But when he discovers both that he no longer can feel any sensations and that Lex betrayed him, he turns against Lex. He’s left sunken to the bottom of the ocean, but sloooowly walking to shore--probably the best of the season’s “it isn’t over!” stingers.

The backstory he’s given is a nice elaboration on his quite random post-Crisis origin, and how can you not like the sheer mean-spiritedness of Lex’s apparent largess (Corben is treated like a king in jail for not ratting on Luthor) just being an excuse to get a fanatically loyal killbot on his side? Still, even with a typically great Malcolm McDowell voicing him, he still ends up a mediocre villain, with the ‘Terminator’ look being particularly uninspired. It’s good to have a supervillain who’s out for revenge on Lex, but otherwise, zzzzz...

8: Stolen Memories

Brainiac shows up again! Corey Burton’s performance is still pretty iconic, and the creators have resorted to the popular trick of tying him into Krypton’s destruction, but again, I don’t feel he’s very inspiring. Okay, so he (it?) saved himself at Krypton’s expense, but does anyone really feel as if Superman, of all people, is going to come after him for revenge? Of course not--he has to be an active threat to justify their conflict. So, his mission in life is to collect all the data he can on alien civilizations. Sounds harmless, right? Only then he destroys them. Why? “Knowledge is more precious the fewer people have it.” As Superman would say, “You’re insane.”

Not even insane in a particularly interesting way, like Ultron and his Freudian issues, just in a way that makes it convenient for a “getting punched by Superman” plot. I’d actually remembered this as being a bit more sensical: Brainiac collects all the data from a planet, but then if they keep existing and creating new data, his records are automatically incomplete. So he destroys them to ensure he truly has gotten all possible data, in keeping with his (tragically misguided) programming. That’s a bit weak, but at least it’s something.

9-10: The Main Man

Lobo shows up. Brad Garrett is strangely well-suited to portraying a character truly at the level of a Saturday morning cartoon, but it’s hard for me to care too much about the gross-out gags and parodies of 90s antiheroes. He does mark the second time Lois slaps a supervillain for being a pig. Superman’s Girlfriend could probably use a taser or something.

The Preserver is the real Big Bad, being the guy who hires Lobo, and I do believe he’s the first villain original to the cartoon. He’s not bad, with a pretty interesting “floating egg to fucked up monster’ design, but where do you go from “he’s an alien conservationist and he wants to preserve Superman’s species”? No surprise he won’t be showing up in the canon again.

11: My Girl

Lana Lang returns and she’s doing Lex! Once is an accident, but it happened in Smallville too! What is it with this chick? You go from Superman to Lex Luthor? You’d think she could try starting something up with Icon, at least...

Another episode where Lex is the heavy, and his genuine but still eventually homicidal feelings for Lana are a nice character touch. The main story here is just how much crap gets past the radar; this episode is all about sex. We have obvious lesbians trying to steal the jewels off Lana’s dress, as you do...

Actual dialogue: We like your dress... and we’d like it now!

Later on, we cut away from Lana locked in a room full of explosives. When next we see her, she has some business examining a rather phallic mortar shell. That Superman--he sure knows how to pick ‘em.

12: Tools of the Trade

Kanto shows up (Michael York!) to supply Intergang with Apokolips weaponry. We also meet Inspector Turpin and Maggie Sawyer for the first time. Some creative goodies for Intergang to use against Superman, but Mannheim is probably the least of the foes arrayed against Supes.

13: Two’s A Crowd

Our first return appearance, not counting Metallo’s metallization and, of course, Lex Luthor. The Parasite shows up again to get the location of a ticking time bomb from the comatose bombmaker. However, the genius terrorist’s consciousness takes over the Parasite, and when his two personalities team up, they plot to get Superman’s power once more. A very creative use of Parasite’s power set to make up for his merely functional characterization. This time around, Rudy is motivated by getting cable TV in his jail cell. And this isn’t even the age of peak TV!

#superman

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syncogon · 8 years ago

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Some Chinese Cartoons

[Disclaimer: this was addressed to one specific person. I’ll make a better post one day.]

One day I’ll add pics and make this actually formal and stuff. But for now...

我为歌狂/Music Up:

Summary: Two musically talented, insanely popular high school guys - but that’s about all they have in common. In fact, they hate each other’s guts. And yet, through complicated circumstances, they and two others join to form a four-man band, “OPEN.” Both individually and as a band, they face a variety of problems: financial, academic, familial, romantic, and everything in between, in order to pursue their dreams. (52 eps)

Commentary: This is set in modern(ish) day, real world. Made in 2001, so keep that mind when considering the animation quality. They do have a lot of good songs, since this IS a show about singers and pop bands. Overall the tone is pretty light. Some things are a lot more dramatic than they need to be but that’s fantastic. And a lot of the problems are highly relatable. Development of characters and relationships is def one of the selling points. HUGELY nostalgic for me and a lot of Chinese people it seems haha

Links: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLkMLYnt73g the second opening.

战龙四驱/Go For Speed:

Summary: Two years ago, the genius high schooler Fei won the minicar (4WD) racing Nationals. But only shortly afterward, he disappeared, with only a short note hinting at why. Now, his younger brother Dragon follows in his footsteps, designing and creating his own minicars to compete in the tournaments and steadily working his way up through the rankings. Along the way, he meets many people, makes friends and enemies, and struggles to find Fei and his reason for leaving. (64 eps)

Commentary: Modern/slightly future-day, real world (Shanghai!!). Okay so this show is based around like the gimmick of “minicar racing” - not sure what to really call it. The races are surprisingly fun to watch actually imo, with the technological abilities of the minicars, interactions between players, and obstacles to pass... but you’d probably have to decide that for yourself. For me, the biggest draw was probably the surprising number of subplots, which explore the complex relationships between all the characters - literally every single side character is well established and developed. Family and familial relationships play a pretty big role. Revenge and forgiveness are there too. I got hooked into this show when it was airing on TV solely because of one character haha. Caveat that it starts slow, I don’t know how much you’d actually like this, there needs to be some suspension of disbelief, and the animation quality isn’t fantastic… rip

Links: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb0tHRbyaek&index=30&list=PLQukwpGC9a0wfDv0ymEgGX-LydTKbZY_s (a trailer, in english for some reason even though i’ve never found an english dubbed version of this and don’t want to. It mostly focuses on the racing aspect, but as before, don’t let that fool you, it’s surprisingly deep. Come for the races, stay for the chars)

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQukwpGC9a0zqrmIGCXOW1QVlfh6svY7y since when was this on youtube?? :o WAIT HOLY SHIT SINCE WHEN DOES THIS HAVE ENGLISH SUBS THIS IS A GAME CHANGER AAAAA NOW LIKE I MIGHT GO REWATCH THIS - just kidding, only the first episode. Man what a letdown

弹珠传说/Danzhu Legend:

Summary: This is a world where people have Danzhu battles: competitions involving channeling your magic energy into Shooters to launch marble-like Danzhu at targets. These objects have great power, but, so far, no one has decided to take advantage of it… until now. One day, a young boy who has always dreamed of becoming a Danzhu battler is chosen by one of the five Legendary Shooters. He journeys into the mountains to seek training from the Danzhu Master, where he meets the other four Legendary wielders and learns that their job is to stop the evil threatening to take over their world. (52 eps)

Commentary: Fantasy world. So this is like your pretty standard “boy discovers power and works to save the world” story, but still enjoyable in its own right. The gimmick of this are the aforementioned Danzhu. The Guardians are also very important; all Shooters are linked to a spiritual animal/creature/something that’s the basis of power. The battles are all very cool! Quick disclaimer: for various reasons I am more familiar with this show than maybe any other of the ones here. This fact made me appreciate how much potential this story had, but also made me realize all of its flaws. There are a lot of things it could have done better - character development jumps to mind, because aside from the MC and one of the antagonists, most of them don’t change all that much. Also there’s lots of recycled animation. Just keep these caveats in mind. However, I still found the adventure/plot/magic very exciting to watch, a healthy dose of idealism and humor as well as tension/smarts/raw courage, so if you’re interested in that aspect more, I’d recommend this!

Links: ALL THE EPISODES ARE ON YOUTUBE ONCE MORE PRAISE this is very helpful for me because when i needed them to be on youtube, someone had like taken all of them down, which was very upsetting, but now they are back again, glorious

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvQUvsPwKA0&list=PLZKi4aAqJS8dbVOUrKnDqNU4F4rnm8Ott playlist isn’t in order but you should watch the opening theme to get a feel for it - if you want even more of a feel, watch to 4:50, which is kinda like a prologue and a better summary of what I said above lol

开心宝贝/Happy Heroes:

Summary: Just read what’s on tvtropes tbh haha (link below) (Ongoing, 10 seasons, 52 eps each (except season 8 which was 40 eps) )

Commentary: Imo the best seasons were 3, 5, 6, and 8. After 8 the animation style changed a bit and the humor quality kinda went down…well, that might just be me, though. Either way, though, there are so many amazing earlier episodes, and I’ve gotten really attached to all the characters. It being a kids show, there’s no super deep plot or lasting impact of anything (aside from the last arc of season 7, heh. I remember watching when it came out in 2014 and flipping out bc I did NOT expect that, knowing HH) but it’s still thoroughly enjoyable. There are also two movies: the second movie is kinda confusing and meh but the first movie is pretty good and I think you can find it on youtube. In fact I believe all the episodes are on youtube, but I imagine you have those links already

Links: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKA3CuHXUxHflv9KAgEJyKQ is the channel with everything. Watch the trailer for season 8! It’s v epic and got me hyped when it released.

Tvtropes: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Animation/HappyHeroes

Movie 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUiA3nue22Y. (there are english subs too! haha)

Movie 2 isn’t worth watching trust me

星游记/Rainbow Sea:

Summary: Years ago, a man dressed in all red made a declaration to the universe: behind the largest black hole was a mysterious place called Rainbow Sea, a place where any dream could be fulfilled. Enchanted by the stories, people from across the universe joined the man in red in his journey. Unfortunately, no one ever returned. Rainbow Sea was scoffed at as a myth and a lie. The man in red was cursed, nicknamed by people as the Red Demon. The sinister organization known as the Galactic Eyes quietly gained control of the Solar System and numerous other star systems, sealing off the planet where the Red Demon had come from, Earth, and forbidding any ships from entering or leaving. Now, ten years later, the Red Demon's son Maidang has reached adolescence and is determined to fulfill the pinky promise made to his father before he left: to reunite with him at Rainbow Sea.

Commentary: Quality stuff right here. Best part is the backstories of all these characters, there’s some really moving stuff. The characters are p great - Maidang is so inspiring, Gudong is highly relatable, Diya is awesome... The art style (esp for their eyes) is really nice. ...Not much else to say off the top of my head, esp since the story is far from over, but even if it starts off slow, this is definitely worth your time!

Links: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiB_oZBdi7k&list=PLF068DA90359EDE0D all the episodes. The opening theme/sequence was what got me hooked, you should def watch it (up to like 1:20 or whatever, then if you want like a prologue watch to like 3:07)

26 eps so far. Season 2 and after are apparently going to be “web movies” instead of episodes, something like 60 minutes each, and will cost money (rip) but I’m sure they’ll show up for free somewhere eventually. Fingers crossed this’ll be soon. Wanna join me in hiatus hell :DD

神魄/Zinba:

Summary: Kan is happily chatting with his closest friend on an ordinary school day when, all of a sudden, he finds himself pulled into an alternate fantasy world. This world is filled with Zinba, large and powerful creatures that may form bonds with select humans, called Linkers, for immense battle power. After becoming a Linker with one of the strongest Zinba ever to exist, Kan joins the peacekeeping Dux force of the kingdom of Toria and fights against the various evils threatening the land, all while trying to find his way back to his own world. (52 eps)

Commentary: Okay, so you know, I wouldn’t recommend this as much as some of the others on this list, esp since it’s the most recent Chinese show I actually watched, but it made enough of an impact on me to have it worth talking about. I started watching bc a) it showed up as recommended for me on youtube, b) the opening is SICK as HECK, and c) the protag of this is voiced by the same person as the protag of DZL, and generally looks/acts kinda similar haha. Anyway, overall thoughts: basically, it had a lot of unrealized potential. The world and the character designs are AMAZING. I liked the animation. The plot is interesting, with a surprising number of plot twists as to who’s the real ultimate villain. But there could have been So Much More development – we could’ve gotten more thorough backstories for the main crew, for example, or seen more of the world/magic/tech, but instead a lot of the people as well as Zinba just… exist, as static and boring entities. There were like two interesting characters total (Kan’s aforementioned “normal” friend being one of them heh). Kan himself was suuuuper annoying, esp at the beginning. (can you tell I really appreciate/prioritize the characters of a show?) However, some moments were quite well done and epic, and I wrote some fanfiction and commentary on basically every episode, so it holds a place in my heart. Also, there is a full English dub lmaooo (the voices suck but the translations for names/places/etc are interesting) (episode 1 has 318k views??? That’s a TON for a chinese cartoon)

Links: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G83STZ9xcc the opening which is good and worth watching, https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQukwpGC9a0xatMI-KGO9SILZ5sSWfWXX full playlist, syncogon.tumblr.com/tagged/zinba lol

#mine #rainbow sea #zinba #music up #happy heroes #danzhu legend #go for speed

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keneerike · 6 years ago

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Control Your Emotions and Control Your Reality: 5 Keys To Getting It Done

I haven't posted since June. Plenty of life updates afoot since then; might share those on the site at a later date.

I'm back with a piece that should hit home for everyone.

Our minds control our reality. Everything we do is a result of how we think.

It's the reason we have so many bad drivers: A moving car is just an extension of the mind operating it.

The guy that tailgates, weaves in-and-out of lanes in heavy traffic, slams on the brakes when he had ample time to slow down; same dude that's quick to anger, focused on immediate gratification instead of long-term wins, and treats discipline like a four-letter word.

Those choices are all born of the same short-term, lack-of-self-control-fueled thinking.

With experience, you (hopefully) gain wisdom and realize that the risk of an accident or moving violation isn't worth the chance to shave a few seconds of your trip. Run-ins with the law, days wasted in court, spikes in insurance premiums....those get old, fast.

It's why young men draw the highest insurance premiums. Actuaries know that segment of society is most likely to engage in risky behaviors that cost money. Pressure to fit in with peers, uncertainty about identity, brains not-yet-fully-formed, few entanglements and responsibilities; recipes for volatility.

That 18-34-Year-Old demographic is the most prized target market in advertising for similar reason. Those are the folks most likely to fall for the "What-You-Buy-Determines-Who-You-Are" Myth. A lack of life experience and a large portion of one's day spent buried in media create ideal consumers.

Yes, the brand of deodorant you buy defines who you are. More than what you actually produce for yourself and others.

Searching for something to instill meaning in life, we pull out our wallets or latch on to theater around us. Companies know they'll never go broke providing easy answers for difficult questions, even if those purported solutions fall flat in the long run.

We see that in civic debate, where Identity politics have taken over American governance.

We see it in sports, with die-hard fans. People who wrap themselves in sports fandom, often to drown out the deafening silence in their lives. Their team's divisional record is a direct reflection of their worth as a person, so any perceived attack on their team is met with indignation; One cross word from a rival fan is all it takes to get that ball rolling.

The post-game scene outside your favorite stadium.

Which brings us back to the theme of this post: managing your emotions so you can maintain peace of mind.

Five Tips for Controlling Your Thoughts (and emotions):

1) Visualize the steps you need to reach your ideal outcome.

2) Abstain from thoughts and images that conflict with your goals.

3) Take physical action to bring your goals to pass.

4) Put events in proper context.

5) Decide ahead of time how you'll respond when life takes a turn.

1) Visualize the steps you need to reach your ideal outcome.

Your thoughts dictate your emotions; your emotions dictate your actions.

Paint a picture of the ideal outcome and work backwards. What kind of work do you need to put in to get there? Visualize yourself going through the paces. Imagine yourself as a calm, level-headed decision-maker during times of uncertainty and you'll begin to act that way.

Use your cognitive abilities to support your desires, not thwart them. Visualize what it feels like and looks like to attain your ideal outcome. Your muscle memory will follow suit. You get out what you put in. Fill your (mental) tank with low-grade fuel and you'll sputter along, struggling to make full use of your abilities and enjoy your daily experience.

2) Abstain from thoughts and images that conflict with your goals.

Tune in to Food Network and you get hungry: No surprise there. The sights and sounds of cakes and pastas evoke memories of past good times with a fork and spoon. You get to thinking about replicating that enjoyment and next thing you know, you're wrist-deep in that pie you were saving for Thanksgiving.

Most of us have enough sense to stay away from cooking shows when we're trying to slim down, yet we forget the persuasive impact of the sights and sounds we subject ourselves to every minute of the day.

When you focus on what you don't want, your mind brings that to pass. God designed our brains to manifest the images and thoughts we meditate on.

The surest way to miss a shot or drop a pass when you're in a big game is to continue imagining what it will be like to miss a shot or drop a pass when you're in a big game.

3) Take physical action to bring your goals to pass.

Talk is cheap. You know that.

Itching to start a business? Want to drop a few pounds? Reading day-after-day of motivational articles will only take you so far. At some point, you've got to throw on some sneakers and get to work.

Train your brain to handle inevitable challenges by exposing yourself to them ahead of time. Dedicated practice of the skills you need in trying times arms your mind with evidence that you can handle what comes your way. You get accustomed to the difficulties of certain activities and fear and worry fade away.

4) Put events in proper context.

Restaurant got your pizza order wrong? Cut off in traffic? Friend offered an opinion you disagree with?

Reasons to be angry? Sure. But your level of outrage and subsequent response should be appropriate.

Running the other guy off the road or ending a friendship because you have divergent political views? Too extreme.

Life goes on, even when people around you don't hold up their end of the bargain.

5) Decide ahead of time how you'll respond when life takes a turn.

You choose your level of outrage. You choose your internal and external response to what crosses your path. When things don't go according to plan, you can take it in stride, minimizing the emotional damage, or fly off the handle.

Like any skill, it takes practice.

To be clear, I'm not pushing the passive-aggressive, conflict-avoidance approach for problem solving.

That line of thinking is rooted in insecurity and a fear that one doesn't deserve---or lacks the ability to obtain---what one desires. Confident people who know what they want should go after it and not kid themselves about resolving problems that bother them.

Being comfortable with the uncomfortable is an underrated asset. If your first inclination when faced with conflict is to flee, put the work in and change that.

The best things in life are free, but the brave get first crack at the pickings.

When others screw up, seek recompense where appropriate. Just don't let it torpedo your entire day.

Resentment, harboring grudges, plotting revenge: these all tie up cognitive resources that could be employed elsewhere. Not only do you keep replaying the offending event in your head, subjecting yourself to repeated emotional trauma, you waste time that could have been spent bettering your life. It's like re-watching a movie you found torturous the first time around. Give it the proper attention and move on. Odds are the offending party isn't thinking about it, so the only one significantly-impacted by the event is you. You're better off getting it out of your mind as quickly as possible.

Avoid counterfactual thinking as well. Imagining what could have been had everything gone according to plan will drive you insane.

Ever played fantasy sports or gambled? You know the pain of the choice (not) taken.

Managing your expectations of others helps here, too. Like a good defensive driver, assume others will drop the ball and disappointment is less likely to sneak up on you. And definitely don't hold others to higher standards than you hold yourself;that just makes you a hypocrite.

Great leaders understand that intuitively.

You've got more control over what transpires in your life than you give yourself credit for.

I'll give you a personal example to drive the point of emotion control home:

I spent some time in the hospital earlier this year. Shared some details here:

https://soundcloud.com/user-31492767/kene-tells-clot-story-testimony-to-church-feb-2018

When I got out of the hospital, everyone had an opinion on what I needed to do next and how worried I should be about my prognosis.

Any talk about how unstable my condition was or the physical dangers looming in recovery---I shut it down. Started that while I was in the hospital, with visitors who wanted to talk about other people they knew who succumbed to the episode or anxieties about my vulnerability. I only wanted to hear words that facilitated healing, not breathed life into fears.

I wasn't listening to anything that allowed doubt to creep into my mind; I was only planting seeds that would push me towards a full recovery.

In addition to maintaining a running dialogue with medical specialists, I searched for---and found---present time and biblical examples of people who experienced healing. Case studies are useful for establishing precedent and demonstrating value. Great for inspiration and instructional knowledge, too.

As if this whole ordeal was preordained, I found a number of passages tackling the exact same infirmity I was contending with:

Matthew 9:20-22:

"And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment:

For she said within herself, “If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.”

But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And the woman was made whole from that hour."

Part of my recovery protocol entailed months of daily cold showers: Every day, without compromise.

Each time I headed for the shower, a skirmish erupted in my mind: How was I going to handle today's ice bath? I could choose to think about the discomfort of ice-cold water hitting my skin, which would inspire dread every time I headed for the shower, or focus on the regenerative effects to be had through consistent participation.

Ice baths are great for pain relief and muscle management.

And really, after a initial five-second jolt of "cold", your body adjusts quickly to the temperature. Cold baths aren't nearly as traumatic as you've been led to believe and they get easier the more you do them.

The decision was made from the get-go, so I wouldn't waffle when the time arrived.

I knew these ice showers needed to be done and never allowed myself to consider skipping them. When you accept that something needs to be done and focus on the benefits of completing the task, you realize that focusing on the not-so-enjoyable parts is counter-productive. You've got to do it anyway, so why not place yourself in a state of mind most conducive to getting it done and not dreading the action going forward?

That's the formula for beating procrastination in all its forms, whether its getting your homework done or doing the dishes.

Winners learn how to hurdle obstacles that losers shy away from. Controlling your thoughts is the first step for accomplishing that.

Your weekly internment camp or the road to a fulfilling marriage and a shape others will envy: It's all about how you look at it.

Visualizing worst case scenarios is a poor way to navigate life. That line of negative thinking is the same thought process behind the white-hot fear of public speaking.

Remember that next time you're in a jam.

Too many Christians respond to uncertainty like unbelievers, letting their emotions run wild when trouble rears. Only after self-inducing complete despair do they ask God---in a passive way, no less---to restore peace and solve their problems..

"Stress" wasn't a team member I needed for my recovery journey, so reining in my thoughts and emotions was paramount. If you stop imagining panic-inducing outcomes, you stop panicking. I refused to let my heart be troubled, kept cool, acted in faith, and got every result I was looking for---and then some.

God is great.

When the unexpected happens, your first response dictates the outcome. You dwell on all that could go wrong and that self-fulfilling prophecy comes to pass.

You can throw up your hands and bemoan the world around you or get to work sculpting your environment to your tastes; it's all in your hands.

A steady hand---and mind--- at the wheel will carry you far.

All of this sound crazy? You think the vagaries of life mean your mental state needs to fluctuate to mirror anything that comes your way?

That's because we're so accustomed to taking our normative cues from the people around us---many of whom base their actions on the whims of what's popular at the moment---instead of a more grounded authority.

Even the tallest tree needs solid roots---the base we cannot see---to withstand the elements.

#Business #Relationships #Psychology #Women In Tech #Health #Recovery #Fitness #Money #Leadership #Life Lessons

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thebooklycat · 7 years ago

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I’m new to book reviews, so I’m not sure if this is allowed …. but I just couldn’t while reading this book. Every time I picked it up and saw the cover, I immediately thought of Gerard Butler in that fantastically underrated Dracula 2000. And, honestly, Dracula fits into the world that Kresley Cole creates pretty well.

Onto the review (behind the tag …. because maybe someone is like me and had never read it)

This was my first Kresley Cole book. I’m a huge romance lover but I rarely stray from my safety net genres and authors. One of my other 2017 goals was to expand my reading material and genres, how can you know you don’t like it if you haven’t read it before?

Going back to my “new to book reviewing” thing, I don’t know if I should rate books or just give a review because honestly, what is a five versus or a seven? I’ve decided not to give the traditional stars or ratings, just a talk about what I liked and didn’t in the book.

Like I said, this is my first Kresley Cole novel. From what I gather she’s kind of a big deal and, if her website is anything to go by, she deserves it. She has award after award, and a few series under her belt – that’s from her wiki, not her website. This book is part of her Immortals After Dark series and is number four in the series. I wish I’d read the first few before getting to this one.

How would I talk about Dark Needs at Night’s Edge? I liked it, but I don’t think it was the best book to start my Cole library.

I should give a brief synopsis. The story begins with Néomi’s death in her home in the 1920s during a party then fastforward to the present where a family of vampire brothers have captured their crazed brother, Conrad, and entrapped him in the house. Thus begins the Meet Cute where a possibly insane and Herculean vampire thinks he sees a ghost. Spoiler: he does. And while the other brothers can’t see her, our hero begins falling for the ghostly owner of his prison. Eventually the brothers go off to war or to stop someone from hunting their brother and disappear. Conrad and Néomi become friendly. Conrad escapes (with Néomi’s help). He goes off for revenge or fighting. Néomi becomes human, kind of. They get together. She dies. Again. Then doesn’t because she’s a ghost-human combo. The brothers are rescued and everyone lives happily ever after.

There’s more but that’s the barebones.

The good: I enjoyed the characters, I liked the relationship between the brothers. I enjoy stories about family, especially when we get the series of how each sibling finds his/her true love. I liked how the relationship started between Néomi and Conrad. She’s lived essentially 80 years alone and suddenly someone can see her. There were points where I wanted them so badly to touch or at least kiss. Like, the movie kiss where they try and the nonspectral entity ends up knocking their head into something. I enjoyed the developing between the two lovers. Crazy meets lonely — can’t go wrong!

The really good: Before the relationship is established, even though both want it to, Conrad has Néomi against a wall (I think, I mean, she’s a ghost so she isn’t “against” anything….but I think that’s how it was. It was in my imagination at least) and they essentially describe how they’d have sex. I don’t know why that hits one of my bulletproof kinks, but it does. There is it. I swear I was blushing and biting my lip as I read it twice.

The bad: The last 1/4 of the book felt rushed and a bit deus ex machina. Suddenly Néomi is human, suddenly she’s at a supernatural Cinderella-esque ball, suddenly they are happy, suddenly the brothers are safe, suddenly the bounty on Conrad’s head is taken care of, suddenly they have HEA. They are together and a fire breaks out and suddenly Néomi is human until she’s a ghost, but she’s still corporeal when she wants to be? I don’t know, it felt a little too neatly tied together. Overall it felt a little too quick and neat and I had a few too many eye rolls at the end.

But, the thing is …. I finished it, I had to finish it, I was engaged and didn’t want to put it down because I needed to see how it all ended. And, bigger spoiler alert: their sex talk ends up becoming reality. And, while the sex talk was pretty great the reality was definitely a plus.

A side, really bad: it irked me that the brothers were rescued as an afterthought. I think this is more a “me” thing than an actual criticism. I really enjoyed the brothers and felt like they were a good counter to Conrad. Yes, three brothers were a counter against a single one. It felt a little too “oh yeah, they need to be saved”. Conrad saves them, the bounty on his head is ended because of true love or family loyalty or he isn’t crazed anymore — or all three.

Another really bad, and this is a personal quirk. I’m not all that keen on the virgin hero/heroine, although it was nice that it was the man and not the woman. And I’m not a big sizist in my books – I don’t need to know how big he is. I want to know how he pleasures his heroine.

So – what does this review mean? Would I read another Kresley Cole book? Sure. I was engaged, read it in a day, and generally liked it. Will she be my next book bought? Probably not. Would I recommend her to someone? Probably, but to a specific reader. I’d also recommend starting with the first in the series (although I haven’t read it) to get the established world.

Book Review: Dark Needs at Night’s Edge I'm new to book reviews, so I'm not sure if this is allowed .... but I just…

#book review #genre: paranormal romance #genre: romance #kresley cole

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timsim26 · 8 years ago

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Ghost Recon: Wildlands Review

The Ghost Recon series has always highlight future tech, advanced strategic combat and unique squad based gameplay. As the series has progressed, more and more games have released achieving these gameplay aspects with an even better and more unique style. Future Soldier at the time was a fantastic squad based shooter, but since 2012, many games have come and gone that have used these mechanics just as competently or even more effectively than the franchise. Wildlands is the latest in the Ghost Recon series and is once again part of the Open World Ubisoft Churn that has become a staple in the gaming industry since 2009’s Assassin’s Creed 2. The open world nature gives the franchise a different flavour and uses some of the tried and tested methods that Ubisoft heavily relies on to pad their experiences. This is not always a benefit to Wildlands.

The premise for Wildlands is the country of Bolivia has fallen victim to intense drug trafficking and violence caused by the Santa Blanca cartel. Leaders of the cartel have spread their influence across the country causing widespread drug production and turning every industry and village into an operating base to export cocaine throughout the world. A high level CIA agent is killed by a bombing and this is the last straw before the Ghost squad gets sent in. A strong opening, that grinds to a sudden halt in the interesting category. The characters throughout the game are downright atrocious. Dumb one liners are consistent, there is no driving force to stop any of the enemies and any target that you take out may as well be the same individual. Your overwatch and mission head Bowman is portrayed as a take no shit individual who knew the CIA agent really well and is out for revenge, however every time she pops up in the story telling you to go after a new target or inform you of something happening, she is stiff and emotionless and resorts back to being very poorly written. This is the same for your playable character, despite choosing a woman lead and being able to customise her with great detail, I was still referred to as ‘man’ by my squadmates whenever I copped too many bullets and needed to be revived. The consistent inconsistency continues deep within many aspects of the game, but the story and characters are the primary glaring issue.

The way Ghost Recon Wildlands furthers the story seems quite intuitive at the beginning by is a slog as you continue to complete the repetitive and uninspired missions. As you begin the game you are presented with a target screen, just as you might see in many other assassination like movies or media. There are 4 main areas that need to be dismantled and a number of targets for each, including an underboss. 26 targets in all and each requires around 5-6 missions to locate the target or flush them out due to the chaos you cause. These characters are set up with a cut scene, audio logs and plenty of collectible reading material to tell you that they are definitely bad people. However they all feel generic and similar. There is no flavour to any of them and when comparing the targets to games like Hitman or other Ubisoft franchises like Splinter Cell and Assassin’s Creed, it feels mediocre at best. It is a huge missed opportunity and even after you have killed or captured the 5-6 underbosses to unlock the head of Security, Influence, Production and Smuggling, these top tier missions feel no different.

The crux of every Wildlands mission revolves around infiltrating various locations that feel very similar despite the overall map of Wildlands being absolutely enormous. At around 3 times the size of GTAV you can get an idea about the space we are talking about. While the world is enormous and the locations are beautiful, the actual strongholds and military bases are strikingly similar. Not only are you fighting members of the cartel, you are also fighting the local police force who are very corrupt and powerful. If you think of Far Cry’s outposts that need to be taken over, then you understand exactly how Wildlands plays. Rather than first person and doing it by setting a tiger or elephant lose, you are sneaking through enemies popping headshot after headshot before your team lets you know the area is clear. The map is very overpowered as it will display enemy area locations even if you haven’t spotted with the drone or your binoculars. It removes the tense nature that the atmosphere of the game is trying to create. As you continue through the game you upgrade your abilities more and more, to the point I was running through enemy bases with a light machine gun, rather than focusing on the stealth action that made the series so intriguing in the past.

The actual combat of Wildlands feels very, very good. Shooting is responsive, the animations are excellent and the way guns feel on the controller is the same high quality that the series has produced in the past. Movement has been modified to allow autosnap to cover, which is mostly consistent, however there is still frustration when your character doesn’t snap to a wall quick enough only to be gunned down. The snap to cover of Splinter Cell and Watch_Dogs would have been greatly appreciated here. Weapons are varied and you can find many, many guns littered throughout the world, as Ubisoft has once again made their game an absolute collectathon, with normal collectibles, collectible skill points, weapons, attachments, loot to upgrade your player and special talismans that further upgrade a skill, all over the world. Ubisoft needs to understand that this doesn’t make a world interesting, especially one 3 times bigger than GTA. While combat is what you spend a lot of your time doing, travelling the world makes up the other half and this is where the frustration really peaked for me during my time with Wildlands. Every time you had to make your way from one point to another, was tedious, long and often frustrating as the controls and the map really were not designed with extensive periods of travel in mind. So many of the roads are winding in a way that feels unnecessary and this promotes off road travel, until you realise that the off-road sections of the map are borderline impossible to navigate without crashing horrible, getting stuck or being forced back onto the winding road.

While I have a lot of criticisms for Wildlands, I still spent well over 40 hours with the game. There is something about Ubisoft’s design that addicts the players and this game is the most puzzling of the lot. Playing with friends radically changes the experience as you are able to muck around and make light of the serious and ridiculous nature of the game and it is so clear that the game was designed to be played this way. Playing alone is repetitive, but as soon as you add a friend the unpredictable nature of missing a crucial shot or triggering an alarm, the game is much more interesting. AI squad mates are ridiculously overpowered often being able to hit insane shots through walls and suffering the Ellie in The Last of Us problem of being completely invisible despite running straight into an enemy. This is all fixed with a bunch of friends, however these games that Ubisoft are producing are marketed as an experience that can be enjoyed as a single player.

Wildlands is full of busywork, with a bad storyline. It is a shame after the excellent turnaround that was Watch Dogs 2 that Ubisoft have released another experience that is repetitive and a carbon copy of every mechanic that make people angry about Ubisoft games. What could have been an inspired shorter campaign, that told an interesting story, utilising the excellent combat mechanics, has been padded full of side content that is not interesting and tedious. Open world games need to be constantly inspiring and drive the player to explore. In a year we have had Horizon Zero Dawn and Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Ghost Recon Wildands, simply does not compete. If you have a bunch of friends who are interested, then there is definitely some fun to be had with the game, however be prepared to repeat the same mission structure over and over again.

5/10

Reviewed on Xbox One.

#Ubisoft #gaming #games #tom clancy #ghost recon #wildlands #Third Person Shooters

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mode7rap · 8 years ago

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genoboost reviews the Final Fantasy VII commercial

via Game Music 4 All

I hate Final Fantasy VII.

Well, I love Final Fantasy VII, but don't tell Final Fantasy VII I said that. FFVII doesn't deserve my love, but I often find myself thinking about all the good times we had together. We laughed, we cried, we bitched about Cait Sith. Those were the days. But it was such a toxic relationship. I can never go back.

It's going to take a few more therapy sessions before I'm comfortable digging deeper into that. Today, I simply want to discuss a small portion of the very rich meal that is Final Fantasy VII. There are a lot of layers to this RPG onion, and I want to focus solely on the dry, dusty, useless onion skin, slowly rotting beneath the produce section lights. I'll be dissecting Square's game changing game commercial which appeared on US television ahead of the games stateside release. That's not a joke.

How did we all think Final Fantasy VII was so great? Clearly opinions have splintered in the 20 years since the game's release. It's hard to stay unbiased after many years worth of extraneous FFVII games, movies, and more games, and anime shorts. It's now pretty hazy just exactly what convinced me to love this game so much in the first place. Then I saw the original commercial again. My very sudden and brand new hypothesis is that the marketing blitz put on by Sony and Square (now Square-Enix) made sure we thought this game was going to kick every ass. It did. The commercials that aired constantly on cable television also made sure that viewers had no idea what the 'game' part of this game was.

So it's time to dissect a thirty second long and twenty year old commercial. This advertisement was the first glimpse of Final Fantasy for much of the US, except for nerds like me that is. That glimpse made Final Fantasy VII look like one bad ass mother fucker of an action movie, er, action game. It's a game. You can play on the "Play Station." Somehow.

What do you even do in this game? It would appear to be some sort of motorcycle riding, helicopter chasing, explosion causing and/or preventing type action game. Maybe you get to play as an ass kicking, motorcycle riding protagonist that is also a soldier of fortune, as mentioned in the commercial! Mystery solved.

I don't know what's happening here, but it doesn't matter because I'm dead now.

Actually, I think the Soldier of fortune is the only thing this commercial gets right about Final Fantasy VII. But only if I'm being generous and assume when the voice over said "soldier" he meant SOLDIER.

It's hard to think back to a time where we didn't know about sephiroth, JENOVA, and Cloud, the only three characters that very briefly appear in the commercial. Each with a haircut sillier than the last. None of these highly integral characters are established in any way. It's just some insane fever dream. Was that a monster? Did it explode? Does CG hair have to look this ridiculous?

Absolutely.

I know I come hard at Final Fantasy VII like the old, jaded gamer I am, but back in '97 I was just as enamored by it as any other kid that got their kicks from playing Chrono Trigger and FFIII, I mean VI, I mean, ah fuck it. Square knew exactly what a young American gamer wanted to see. Explosions, revenge, motorcycles, soldiers of fortune, more revenge, another explosion, and another explosion and revenge, plus it's a video game!

This isn't a commercial for a hundred hour, story driven RPG from Japan (this is, and it gets me pretty damn hyped). This is a commercial for a high budget Hollywood action movie. It has more in common with trailers for Men in Black and The Fifth Element, the latest sci-fi blockbusters circa '97. This was long before Lord of the Rings made everyone very very familiar with the Fantasy genre. Back in 1997, no one in the US cared about grass or trees or magic or elves or none of that shit. Those were good times. Anyway, the folks behind advertising Final Fantasy VII knew what's up. They showed off nothing but the heavily industrial, very metallic side of Final Fantasy VII. Cannons, helicopters, motorcycles. This was some epic futuristic realism here. No magic airships, no swords, no riding on big dumb chickens! 'Wark' your ass on out of here you stupid chocobo, or is it 'kweh' now? Go 'kweh' yourself!

"Did you unlock the motorcycle?"

"Not Quite."

Give Square some credit where it's due though, twenty years later, every major game release is marketed this way. Only cut scenes, no game play footage, and only the vaguest half paragraph outline of the plot. Makes me nostalgic for the storyline to Bosconian. Make sure your way dope commercial includes anything that would be cool to own or pilot, as long as it's a machine and not an animal, such as a very large, very colorful, very inbred bird.

There isn't a single company fool enough to include actual gameplay in the commercial for said game. Some commercials these days don't include any images from the game at all. Even Nintendo themselves cut that shit out a few console generations ago. Well, Nintendo still tries to shove a little gameplay footage in at the end of their commercials. Unfortunately, Nintendo's stubborn respect for consumers makes for terrible marketing. Not to mention the incredible difficulty in conveying fun game play to a passive audience. Just make some jokes, or throw some babes at me, and/or a few explosions and I'm in! Buy me Bonestorm or go to hell!

Square-Enix has made a ton of missteps since the release of FFVII, which lead to the name Square-Enix itself, and my endless confusion on whether to call them Square, or Square-Enix when referring to the company when it was called Square, or was it Square LTD, I don't think it was Square EA yet, or was it EA Square in the US and Square EA in Japan… Ah fuck that too.

Actually (fixes glasses) the full name is…

As I was saying, Square whatever has had some misfires in their long and expensive history, but damn were they on the cutting edge of logically baffling but ridiculously effective commercials.

If I'm generous, I could understand that there could be some difficulty in explaining a 70 hour epic within a 30 second teaser. Ungenerously, since this is a commercial after all. Please be skeptical of anyone selling you anything. Please? This is 30 seconds of random images and blatant lies created solely in an effort to take your money. Square got my money. Don't let them get to you too!

I'm not sure if this is the first RPG to be marketed to popcorn shoveling mongrels and not the elite console gamer class that knew what a JRPG was, or, as we called them at the time. RPGs. We didn't need more specific definitions because all console RPGs came from Japan. American companies made Bass Fishing and Bubsy, and a game starring the fucking president's cat. Who cares! Until FPS games gained some traction, US game developers would do their best to serve up nice bland plates of whatever Japan created first.

Despite Square's best efforts, and explosions, the most insane thing about this commercial was the ending.

:Record scratch

Appearing in the final moments of the commercial was the title "Final Fantasy VII." Wait a minute! I know what Final Fantasy is! I know exactly what Final Fantasy is! Hold on, where did four, five, and six go!?

I had already played Final Fantasy VI, although we called it Final Fantasy III back in my day. Whatever this commercial was that my eyeballs were subjected to was certainly unlike any previous Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy is about wizards and spell casting and swords and a bunch of numbers going up, sometimes down. You collect money, which you can use to buy new weapons, and you can find treasure, which is hopefully new weapons. There's just loads of text and menus. Honestly, it's all just text and menus. The point being, that there ain't none of that in this commercial, and we all know damn well there is plenty of that shit in the game. Conversely, I think every exploding building, crashing meteor, or giant energy weapon in the game is shown off in this commercial.

Before I watched this commercial several dozen times in order to form this deep and absolutely necessary analysis, I decided to make a list of a few words and phrases that come to mind when I think about Final Fantasy VII. Play along at home. Just close your eyes and think of some of your most cherished memories with this very ridiculous game.

Giant Swords

Armageddon

Bigger swords

Corporate greed

This guy are sick

Leveling Up

Great Music

Unlikable characters

Huge world

Huge monsters

Double crossing

Ancient stuff

Fancy wigs and dresses

Cait Sith… Fuck you Cait Sith! I never wanted you on my team in the first place you traitorous, plot advancing piece of-

Okay, I should stop there, but I think that's a good synopsis of FFVII to be honest.

Now time to live blog this ephemeral seizure of a commercial.

There's an evil empire.

So evil it's a whole evil planet?

Giant cannon!

Modern day helicopters

Modern day motorcycle, is this Terminator?

The world is in danger! So it might be Terminator!

To Aerith: "Come with me if you want to live." No wait!

More cannons! These cannons shoot lasers!

It can shoot in this single direction though.

Was that a monster?

Quiet down in there!… You!

Everything is so shiny

At least this evil empire has some showmanship.

Great graphics!

...for the time.

There's seven of these!?

Another record scratch

This is a video game!?!?

and it's on the playstation!?

Whaaaaa…

As you can see, a few major elements of Final Fantasy VII seem to be lacking in the commercial. In a game with nine different playable characters, each with plenty of backstory, we see Cloud's dumb hair for a second, and Sephiroth staring down a robot. I remember staring at the print ad of this scene and having not a single clue what I was even looking at. Did you notice any swords in this commercial? Catch someone using a spear or inaccurately enormous shuriken shaped boomerang? There wasn't even magic. No magic in a game called Final FANTASY. No feathers, and not a single blade of grass.

If this commercial is to be believed (and who am I to not believe the very people who are trying to take my money) then this is pretty much James Bond, Blade Runner, and Armageddon, but playable. I wouldn't be shocked if this blonde haired soldier of fortune was voiced by Bruce Willis himself. Yippee ki yay Sephiroth. It's time to save the world from lasers and cannons and meteors and all kinds of other crazy crap.

Somehow…

Oh, I almost forgot, this game commercial doesn't feature any game play. Maybe it was an oversight. It's certainly not necessary to include gameplay footage. Why, Square gave us all the information we need to understand the gameplay, right in this very commercial, if you just look closely enough!

I can easily imagine the control scheme for this wild ride.

X = Motorcycle

Triangle = Revenge

Square = Explosions

Circle = Explosion based Revenge

L1+R1 = Run Away

This lack of gameplay footage is what changed video game commercials forever (except Nintendo). Nintendo was trying their hardest to show off some quality games back in the mid 90's, but that integrity lost them valuable MTV commercial real estate. Square and Sony on the other hand, began to create commercials that were more like existential references to the games in the PlayStation library, rather than provide actual details or information about why you should purchase the product featured. Nintendo clearly wanted to emulate these highly effective commercials, all while still conveying the inherent fun of Nintendo games. This meant that Nintendo became stranded in some horrible middle ground. Wanting edgy commercials with a bunch of crazy crap happening, while still conveying the style and quality of the gameplay. Don't forget to wedge some game footage in there somehow.

As reference, here is a 1996 Nintendo commercial. Coincidentally, I chose the commercial for Super Mario RPG, the final Square produced game for a Nintendo system for nearly a decade.

Dammit Nintendo, it's like the head of your PR department is my mom. SO LAME. This commercial needs it's own analysis. I'm a life long Nintendo supporter through and through, but I have made no bones about their inability to create engaging commercials. Nintendo has been getting their asses kicked in the marketing department ever since Sega said 'Nintendon't.' Luckily Nintendo's games often speak for themselves in terms of quality game play. Of course, you would have to purchase the game to know that. Oh the irony! Every Nintendo commercial feels like the boxart to Phalanx. Baffling and unintuitive.

In fact, here's another one from 2005!

Even after many years in this brave new world of logic free commercials, Nintendo still slides in that gameplay footage. Will they never learn?

Conclusion

Hey Square, I love all the convoluted stories, convoluted hair, and pompous cut scenes, but I also like the part where I rummage through menus to equip insane materia combinations, or just simply stealing from as many different enemies as possible. This commercial, and the frenzy for Final Fantasy VII upon launch reinforced those former attributes, sending Square into an anti-gameplay spiral that we've only begun to unravel. In the immediate aftermath of FFVII, Square gave us both the amazing 'cinematic RPG' Parasite Eve, as well as the bankruptcy inducing Final Fantasy The Spirits Within.

Now they go by Square Enix, a little wiser, and a little less bold. They still waver between quality game play and an overzealous cut scenes, second only to the Metal Gear series (which also made Konami hemorrhage money, hmm).

Next FFVII anniversary, I'm going to review the Knight of the Round (AKA the longest fucking thing in video games ever) in the same amount of time that the animation of Knight of the Round takes to play out.

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