#and i think i’d be very sad if i ended up afraid of dogs or cats or anything

[excelsior9173]

ahahaaaaaa i need a new fuckin job because i am getting really tired of being nearly bitten or scratched :)

had a dog just completely flip the script on me this morning as soon as i tried to pack up to leave the house sit. she was the sweetest thing ever all day yesterday and then spent 40 minutes this morning lunging and snapping at me any time i tried to pack or clean anything :)

i am so fucking over this. i am shaken and on edge now, i do not want to go back to see her but have two more visits booked with her today. here’s hoping she feels a bit more settled later

[asher-agere]

Baaaaa....baaa :4 babababa/silly uh.. :3 kiti chuchu..! Witg tigy on playdate!

Hehe hello again Ren! Adorable babbles as usually! I’d give them a… 15/10!

Kitty Chuuya + Kitty Atsushi

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

⛦ Not one, but two kitty cats? Playing together? Absolutely! Atsushi being a feline regressor of any kind just feels so right to me. You know how he can control his ability to like, only get the tigers claws or something? Yeah. He gives himself tiger ears. And a tail. All the time! He’s such a cute little kitty cat! Chuuya can get jealous though… Cause why can’t he do that? It’s not fair! And… Off he goes to pout on the ceiling

☆ Whenever Chuuya goes off to pout on the ceiling I think Atsushi just watches him for awhile! He’ll make the kitty cat chirping sounds (“Mrrrp?”) while he looks up at Chuuya, tilting his head to the side. He always stays directly under Chuuya! If Chuuya moves then he does too! If Chuuya stays up there for awhile though Atsushi starts getting sad thinking his friend doesn’t want him anymore. If Chuuya noticed he’ll quickly come down and nuzzle up to Atsushi to cheer him up again!

⛦ They’re both very clingy! Atsushi is always afraid of people leaving him, so he clings to them as a reminder that they’re still there! Chuuya sees Atsushi being reliant on him and takes it in stride! He’s obviously the best, that’s why Atsushi hangs around him so much. What would Atsushi do in a world without an awesome playdate like him? They’ll never need to find out! Cause he’s not going anywhere! He’ll stay by Atsushi’s side forever and ever to protect the little kitten!

☆ Chuuya is a very feisty kitty! He’s very quick to hiss and lash out in a form of play, but Atsushi can get so scared and nervous! Chuuya isn’t actually upset right? But he seems like it… I think at first Atsushi avoided playing overall because of this. But Chuuya caught on! So he tried encouraging the way he played! He’d meow and then look at Atsushi expectantly until he meowed back, or he’d lightly nudge Atsushi, slowly overtime working it up to a full time tackle

⛦ Atsushi’s play style is much calmer! He likes to climb on things, play with a ball of yarn maybe. He mainly just likes cuddles! Chuuya loves floating as Atsushi climbs, watching his friends progress. Chuuya gets very aggressive and messy with yarn! Just a few minutes and he’s all tangled up. Cuddles are of course just the best! Whenever Atsushi wants cuddles he’ll just flop to the ground and lay belly up, looking over to his playmate with the sweetest puppy dog (Kitty cat?) eyes. Chuuya of course gives in! Atsushi deserves all the cuddles hehe

☆ Milk of course! I think Atsushi is calm and content enough to use a straw, it’s a much better option honestly. But Chuuya is stubborn! He insists he doesn’t need a straw and he’ll drink it straight from his bowl! This never goes great but Atsushi will sit and quietly cheer on his friend! Then of course they both looooove eating tiny pieces of seafood out of a bowl! The resident caretaker has to rip it into tiny pieces but they can eat all on their own!

⛦ Boxes! I think Atsushi likes finding boxes too small for him and then somehow making himself fit. He can be surprisingly flexible! Then no matter uncomfortable his position is he’ll fall asleep there, feeling so proud of himself! Chuuya however likes huge boxes, especially tall ones! He likes being about to crouch down and become basically invisible, then he can jump out and spook people! Poor Atsushi gets so scared… But once he’s calmed down he agrees that it’s super cool!

☆ They both get really sad whenever the playdate has to end! They’ll both be so lonely :( Atsushi will very openly cry, clinging to his friend and looking up to a caretaker, begging for the play date to not end. Chuuya won’t cry I don’t think? But he’s very much so clinging to Atsushi, he’ll hiss and scratch at anyone who tries pulling them apart. Once they’re separate though Chuuya moves onto pouting, acting like he isn’t sad at all, just mad! Mad mad mad. Angry kitty!

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

Sorry this request took some time- I’ve been working on it but I got very distracted by the agere ask game :3 So much fun! I hope I can find more hehe

[shaaaaaaar]

i’ve been thinking recently about how wacky my science teachers have been for specifically my upper classman years (11th and 12th grade, because americans like to give funny names to high schoolers).

i took abnormal classes so it’s to be expected i suppose, forensics and anatomy. but both of my teachers have been absolute trips.

in forensics we were taught by this nice old man called tom. he was the teacher for that year only because he was subbing in for someone and the school decided to let him teach the whole year. has a background as i believe an officer (but i could be wrong) and taught forensics in college. he was semi-retired when he taught us.

but what’s most important is everything else. he had a sense of humor that was basically just fucking with the class and dad jokes. you could tell he had several kids. tom had a complete and utter disregard for the rules and when we did have interactive and engaging lessons they were the experience ever

it was an in-person class but with heavy covid restrictions, to the point that we had a circle around the high school that we weren’t allowed to pass with the sole exception of if we needed to go to another building for lunch or for class. tom did not care. he took us outside of the circle several times for class and i can guarantee you he did not get permission from the school.

he also one time told us that if his class was first (as we used a block schedule) and we were late to school, we could sneak through the back entrance and he would not care.

at the end of the year he made a fake final exam just to mess with one kid; he told the entire class except for one personthat we were going to pretend to be doing a final that was never mentioned before. on the test the last question was “are you freaked out [kid’s name]”. the prank didn’t end up working out because the kid ended up being 30 minutes late to class and we all gave up but he was very proud of himself for the idea

we went around the parking lot treating it like a crime scene we were studying. we also did this in the elementary school playground. following the playground crime scene we made a slideshow of the evidence we found where we claimed tom was a murderer and we never dropped the joke.

we had an entire class period where we played with fake blood to make blood splatters.

he poured everyone a dixie cup of gatorade for a lab and right before we drank it deviated to teach us that we shouldnt drink from drinks already opened even when we know who is giving it to us which is an important lesson i still havent forgotten.

a kid mentioned hating escalators and he went on about how she has every right to be afraid and the lesson became about escalators being terrifying.

we planned to do a mock trial in the second half of the year which we never got to do and i’m still sad.

he drove a motorcycle to school on occasion and we found out after a class on crashes and how dangerous motorcycles can be and we were all deeply worried for him

he showed us pictures of his dog frequently and brought her in on the last day of class. after a class on a murder case he asked us to show oet pictures and acted like there was zero tonal whiplash in that transition

everyone loved tom. everyone speaks extremely fondly of tom even now.

but as a high school teacher he wasn’t the best. first quarter was fun, he would make engaging lessons that would often times be puzzles, take us out of the building to do more practical classes (again, without permission), talked about very interesting stuff and current events and how it tied into law. but then it eventually devolved into mostly lecturing without a slideshow in a way that made me unable to pay attention, so i’d just play tetris on my computer, talk to class, and at the end of the year literally play hollow knight in the back of the class.

it’s especially lame because when i could focus the class was genuinely extremely interesting, the material was cool with a cool teacher who was really passionate about this. and the hands-on stuff we did was amazing. it’s something i regret.

my anatomy class is the opposite in class structure, where the chaos comes entirely because of the material itself.

my teacher’s name is jamie, she teaches in the middle school but has a single anatomy and physiology class in the high school. she is a gymnast who got her degree in anatomy and you can TELL that she did, she is beyond passionate. you can also tell that she fought tooth and nail to be the one to teach this class.

it is awe-inspiring how easily we get off topic in this class and for how long we get off topic. jamie, again, is extremely passionate about this, and has talked several times about how excited she is that she can teach high schoolers and get to have more in-depth conversations about her passion.

we will end up wasting half of class talking about something that has nothing to do with the material we’re learning about because of a side comment. the class gets super into these conversations which doesn’t help.

what makes it better is that jamie has had a wild amount of injuries. she has had a tumor, lost her sense of smell, i think she fractured her skull, had her kid a month premature and went through a wild experience because of that, something will come up and she’ll mention some injury she got and it is terrifying. i think she finds me and my being in the course especially interesting because i’m planning on starting hrt and the process and effects is something she doesn’t know as much about.

anatomy is the most scuffed class i’ve ever taken too, it’s a weekly occurrence that something goes wrong. she’s a middle school teacher so she has to rush over from the middle school every day. this, along with high schooler dumbassery has led to several wild stories taking place, such as but not limited to

sending a class of 6th graders an email about a test on tissues that we were taking the next day, causing us to get the email at 3:30 in the morning and several 6th graders panickingly studying tissues

forgetting our tests in the middle school and having to print new tests out for the first 5 minutes of class

kids spilling barium on a white countertop and there being a student cleaning crew in the back of the classroom for 30 minutes (which was a sight to behold)

the teacher giving us a class activity to learn about anaerobic respiration where we did squats and squat jumps, underestimating the non-athletes in the class and leading to several kids having very sore legs for the next few days (which was really funny when we learned about DOMS and got asked if we ever experienced it)

her finding several middle schoolers running around the high school as she went to go teach our class. delaying the start of our class as she tried to deal with them

similar to tom, no matter what you think of the class everyone loves jamie and we all talk fondly of her as being “a great teacher in a class we get nothing done in”.

anyway, both of them have made me want to take an anatomy course and a forensics course of some kind in college, both of them for very different reasons but that boil down to my teachers making their respective class a wild collection of stories and memories that made me want to learn more.

[rambleswhatsthepoint]

07/23/23

Every day is a new first without her. And every day it hurts. Nugget is always looking for her. He used to go out and pee so fast and back in and now he is sniffing everywhere looking for her. My mom had said she had taken him out and he brought her to the corner at the intersection where she died and just sniffed and sniffed. He did the same to me yesterday evening. It was the first time I even let myself walk near that spot.

I threw two toys out of the bin the other day and he didn’t know what to do with them. He’d always played toys with Stella. They’d chew their bones side by sides. They’d tug and chase. So that made me very sad. But then last night he played a little by himself and that warmed my heart a little.

I can’t use the backseat of my car behind me. That’s where she was.

Stella I miss you so much. I miss the way you’d always find a way to lean on me and cuddle with me. Plopping all 57 pounds down next to me was so comforting. I never felt alone. I always felt loved and protected with you. My stubborn and silly girl. So afraid of fireworks and booms. Barking at people walking by and deliveries. Leaning your head on my lap. Squishing yourself onto the couch next to me. Leaning your head on me when I was working to get my attention. Ringing the bell to go out. Cuddling with the kitties, especially Alley. Playing chase and hide and seek with me and my mom from the hallway to the living room hallway. Having happy walks. Having bad walks where you were pulling so hard trying to “get” or scare away dogs across the street. Being so scared of the garbage truck when you were a baby. Laying on your back with your legs up in the air. Letting me rub your belly. Laying by me like a good girl while I ran on the treadmill. Going for little jogs. Wearing your harness. Wearing your winter coats. Slapping your paws down when you wanted to play. Your long happy tail, so expressive and it had the little white tip at the end. The white tipped back feet. Your frito paws. The delicious smell of you from when you were a baby, how I could still smell it on you faintly even when you were a big girl already. How you’d bite your own nails so I never had to get them trimmed hardly. How you hated to have me trim them. Your little white patch under your chin that made people think maybe you were older. Your funny hound mouth, slightly saggy jowls. Your super soft floppy ears. The way your brown fur glistened in the sun. The way your fur would trap heat from the sun so fast, just like mommas dark hair. The way you’d tried to eat grass. The way you were so kind and playful with nugget and Roger. The way you loved chicken and fish skin and deli meat and treats. The way you’d chew your bone like a good girl and keep your teeth so clean. The big sigh you’d give every now and then. Your snoring and sleeping so deeply. Your dreaming. The way you got sick and drooly in the car but seemed to grow out of it. The way you were nervous around strangers. Your bark and your howl and the “growly talk” you’d do sometimes. The way you’d sit and watch out the window. Your zoomies running around and around the living room. The way you looked so happy when I’d pet your face and ears. Our morning routine of good morning, did you have a good sleep? Did you have good dreams? Are you ready to start the day? How you would follow me everywhere unless there were fireworks and you were scared. How you’d sit on the ottoman downstairs while I ran. How you’d snoot people in the butt lol. Your skinny legs and the way you’d trot on our walks. The way your body swayed on walks. Your funny pink armpit patches. You loved to sniff and pee places to leave messages. Your brown eyes and sweet smile and the way I could feel your heart beat when you were laying on me.

Oh Stella I miss you so much and would give anything to go back in time and you’d still be with me. And nugget would still have his big sister. And we’d be together for another decade or more, happy and loved. If there is such a thing as a multiverse I hope there are many where we are still together and happy. I love you and I’m so sorry. You are my baby, my baby girl.

I hope you hear me when I talk to you still. Feel my love and sorrow. Walk with us and sleep with us and sit by me. Wait for me. I love you Stella. I hope we will see each other again. We will be together again.

[glittery-ishfish]

Hetalia Drama CD Vol.7: Let’s Talk About the G8 Members☆, Part Two

(Warning: Poorly-aged Ukraine characterization, swearing)

P1

P2 (Hello)

P3

P4 (tw: swearing)

P5 (tw: Poor Ukraine characterization)

P6

P7 (tw: Poor Ukraine characterization)

P8

P9 (tw: Poor Ukraine characterization)

P10 (End)

[Start scene, birds chirping as Japan walks]

Jap: No matter how many times I come here, it is always wonderful to see the nature and climate of Italia-kun’s home. And still, Italia-kun and his people go to visit elsewhere…It's a shame, really.

Pochi: *whine*

Jap: Anyway, I'm happy the G8 chose this season. If it was even a month later, it'd have overlapped with the time of the Bon Festival, and that would have been so…very…difficult to work around!

Pochi: Arf! 

[Distant boinging]

Jap: Oh, what is that sound?

Pochi: *inquisitive whine*

[Cut to Ukraine]

Ukr: Oh my…Which way is the G8 venue? The map says here, but…*realization boing* Oh no! Stupid, stupid! This isn’t a 1990 map! Which way am I really going?! *distressed boing*

Jap: G8…? I have never seen her face before…is she related to someone? 

Pochi: *whine*

Ukr: Right *boing*…Or left *boing*…Probably right *boing*…*Sad sigh*

Jap: I’d like to reach out to her, but I'm afraid she might think I seem suspicious. Hmm…I heard that Italia-kun and France-san would be able to offer help without any difficulty in these situations, but…what about me?

Ukr: *boing* I don't know which way to go…but I have someplace I need to be! *boing* HOLD OONNN!

[Ukraine leaves and the boinging becomes distant again]

Jap: *Practicing to himself* ‘My name is Japan, and I understand you are looking for the G8 venue, so…’ ah, no, I don't want to introduce myself too abruptly…Mm…

Pochi: *growl*

Jap: I should try to do a little Italia-kun impression here…’WAAH~ I AM JAPAN~’

[Awkward silence]

Jap:…H A H…SO EMBARRASSING…How could I possibly say such an embarrassing line! I'm so embarrassed I could get a backache!

Pochi: *'agreed' growl*

Jap: *gasp*…!! Oh, it seems that while I was thinking about this and that, she went somewhere else. Why am I always like this?

Pochi: *whine*

Rus: Haahh~!

[Russia pops up out of nowhere]

Rus: Japan-kun, long time no see~♪

Jap: Uwah! P-Please stop that, you startled me out of the blue!

Rus: I'm so glad to see you looking so good and healthy! Because today I thought you’d be doing sword fighting or chonmage, or writing manga, or sorting, or making games or something, ufu♪ 

Come to think of it, I heard that the president of my house is in a game from your house, and I was wondering if you could export it.

(T/N: "Chonmage" is a traditional Japanese slipknot hairstyle for men, commonly worn by samurai. There are many different variations to it, but the most common variation has the wearer partially bald with the slipknot vertically tied across)

Jap: *Violent coughing* I don't know, ah, I thought that we could only export manga.

Rus: Ufu~, I didn't know there was a manga too! That makes me so happy~♪

Jap: *MORE violent coughing* No, that's not-

Pochi: *weird dog noises*

Jap: Uh, b-by the way, Russia-sama, what are you doing in a place like this?

Rus: Mm, I was just taking a small walk before going to the conference♪

Bel: *Weird gurgling noises of jealousy*

[Dark aura sounds, Belarus edition]

Jap: Um…Russia-san, I feel something more disastrous than usual coming from behind you today…

Bel: Irredeemable, irremissible, inexcusable, unforgivable…

Jap: A-Ah, um, could you stop that walking natural cooler?

Bel: *WEIRDER GURGLING/SCREECHING NOISES*

Rus: If I could stop it the way I wanted to, I wouldn’t be suffering either.

Jap: You can't stop it?!

Pochi: *scared growl*

Rus: U-Um, You have probably seen each other many times at world conferences, but I'll introduce you to each other now. This girl is my little sister, Belarus. Belarus, this is Japan-kun. He’s one of ma~ny subordinates of mine♪

(T/N: "Subordinate" as in not-as-powerful/not his boss. So, according to Russia, job position defines value/relationships with others)

Jap: There’s no such thing as subordinate people!

Rus: Ufu~ Su~bor~dina~te♪

[Russia pokes Japan]

Jap: *uncomfortable*…You are a hard person to talk to, aren’t you. Oh! Hello, Belarus-san, my name is Japan.

[Dark aura sounds, Belarus edition, take two]

Bel: You're- that guy…the guy that big brother wants, "I want him, I need him", that GUY…

Jap:…Russia-san, it seems that the cooler's temperature control has gone further down.

Rus: This kind of thing is an everyday occurrence in Russia, Japan-kun! Italy-kun's house is really hot, so wouldn’t an air conditioner be nice?

Bel: So this is the bastard that big brother wants…What's so great about this fucker anyways!?

[Belarus squeezes herself into Japan's clothes]

Jap: U-UWAH- AH, WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU-

Bel: If you want him so badly…!! 

(T/N: I apologize, in advance, for anyone's ears)

[Belarus (somehow) finishes squeezing herself into Japan's clothes]

　

Bel: *frantic* How about this, big brother?! You can't just take-, take him, take him- without me now, right?!?

Jap: T-This is-!! From Japanese entertainment, ”Nininbaori”!

Rus: What’s that?

(T/N: Glad you asked, Russia! ”Nininbaori”, like the original translation mentioned, means "A Coat For Two". It's when two people fit into one large coat to make the person in front look like a hunchback, It's often used in comedy and it looks like this)

(Bela is most likely the one in the back)

Jap: To think she knows what Nininbaori is, this person is not ordinary!

Bel: *whimper* Well, big brother!? Can’t we get married like- this- Let’s get married! LET’S GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW!!

Rus: So, I guess I'll take the front then? I don't want to marry you-

Bel: YOU'RE TERRIBLE!! YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON! CURSE YOU- I'LL CURSE YOOUUUUU!!!

[Belarus running (I assume) towards Japan and Russia]

Bel: I'LL MAKE IT SO THAT BIG BROTHER CAN'T WATCH HIS FAVORITE TV CHANNEL FOR ONE HOUR EVERY WEEK!!!

Rus: STOPPPP IIIITT!!!

[Belarus' temper tantrum ensues, destroying everything in the room]

Rus:…ugh, I'm sorry…for letting you see something weird.

Jap: Don’t be…Your little sister is quite radical, isn’t she?

Rus: J-Just a bit…! It’s really hot here, isn’t it-

Jap: How about removing your muffler-?

Rus: No, I can't. It's a body part.

Jap: Oh, my…

[End scene]

[beatsboy]

i wore their underwear today, in the back of my head i always know it’s buried underneath all of my own

i remember on our 3rd date, we went to sour prom at 1720 together. i was going to wear a dress, for the theme, and at the last minute, i decided not wear a suit (well, a tube top underneath a blazer and dress pants with heels) instead. when we got back to my place in anaheim, and as the other people in our group (this was the first time i’d introduced them to my friends) walked ahead to the house, i lagged behind and whispered in your ear: “i’m wearing your underwear.” walking ahead of them, i pulled down my pants, just a bit, to show them. it turned them on so much, chasing after me to confess this, i thought we’d fuck outside, right there. we did, but only after we got inside.

we had so much sex in the beginning. it was like we were ravenous. then there was the time when we didn’t have sex, after i’d been (technically) sex trafficked for a month and felt so far from my body. i didn’t know who i was as a sexual being outside of what i’d done in those motels. when we weren’t fucking, we did a lot of cocaine, though there were times when did both. there was a time when they spent all night trying to get me to cum, and of course, the drugs helped us stay awake, keep trying, and obviously, prevented us from doing that very thing. i don’t know if we stopped having sex for that long because of the drugs, or if we did that much drugs because we didn’t know what else to do now that we weren’t fucking. they told me things, though, when we were on drugs, that they’d never told me sober, let me in in ways they never really could after we both got sober. then, there was the time when we fucked all the time, when were sad, when we were anxious, when we were horny. when we were bored. when we were fighting. after that, came the period when we didn’t fuck. the very end of our relationship. i came, and so did they, but it was quickies, transactional, you’re stressed, let me help you cum. and then we broke up, and had some of the weirdest, gayest, horniest sex we’d ever had, probably because every time felt like the last time.

the last time we had sex was right after christmas. i didn’t tell anyone. my friends know about christmas, how they came to my side when i had the flu, and how they were there on the day of. but after then, there was a day when we had sex in the laundry room, one more time, they came over and i even told them about feelings i had for someone else. nothing crazy. just a quickie. they made me cum, i made them cum. and to think, that could be the last time. the funny thing is, it was supposed to be a “we’re horny, one last time.” but that feels so shitty. so cheap. i didn’t really believe that it would be our last time then. if i did, i would have grieved them in every kiss, every touch, every grip. i would have mourned them as i made love to them.

it’s been 10 months since they moved out, since the real division of our lives started, and when i say sometimes i’m over it and sometimes i’m not, when i’m sick, that is when i’m really not. i’ve been texting them today, i’m not gonna lie. and we talked on the phone.



maybe this is my final boss, to be hideously sick, alone in my apartment, with my thoughts, in my own little covid purgatory, locked in a 500 sqft box with nothing but me, my thoughts, my dog, and the dog i’m dogsitting. it is my box, though, and frankly, although i did go a little insane yesterday, today i finally see that i am so much more comfortable being ill in my tiny little box than i was in my old house with my roommates. i would be afraid to touch things in the kitchen out of fear of infecting them, i’d separate everything and quarantine in my room (though they would never do the same for me, even when i said i was immunocompromised and asked if we could be more cautious with that stuff). i don’t have to wear a mask when i go outside of my room, i don’t have to feel that thing you feel when you’re sick and you grew up in a “if you’re home sick, you better be literally asleep or taking medicine, and only if you have a fever” kind of household and you feel like if anyone perceives you doing anything other than being horizontal with your eyes closed you are either a) faking it or b) not taking care of yourself, i can just exist here, however is comfortable for me. the only thing i really have to do is take care of myself and the dogs. it’s a little harder with both of them, especially because the dog i’m taking care of pulls soooo much and that is not helping the pinched nerve in my shoulder like. at all. but she’s getting along with sweet pea for the most part (even though they mostly just leave each other alone) and just chills when we’re inside.

3 little beans in my 500 sqft box about to go to bed. for some reason, i can’t even stop night owling when i’m sick. sometimes it makes it worse because i have no schedule and i would rather sleep in the day?? is nightowling a predisposition? asking for a friend (me)

[redwaterhorse]

When I was born. It was a very hot day. I was born during a heat wave so hot, that my mother bursted a blood vessel in her eye.

When I was 5, I lost my mother. And, I’m afraid to say that, 23 years later I fail to remember get face.

Not the face shown for pictures. Not the face shown to save face, no. I remember those. The seemingly authentic grins.

With squinted eyes and broad cheek bones, she smiled. I ask myself the question - now a full 27 years -how real were they..?

Did she remember to fix her bright red lip stick beforehand? Was she simply… performing? No.

Id like to believe that she lived in happiness all 27 years of her life. I want to think that her mother’s curse wasn’t her own as well.

I want to unpack everything. I want to unpack it all. But for that I’d need my mother. I feel her. In my chest. When I cry, I feel her in my tears; I’m my breath. I feel her.

I’m full of her. I’m greatness filled. Im flooded with gratitude because i am filled with her.

The curse that led the grandmother I hold dearly down the path of relentless love.

I choose not to love those who don’t love me. Or, at least to the extent in which I need to fell validated.

Yet, the yearn for validation is the axe. The axe.

My mother, brought the axe down on my father. Who flees like a baby deer in morning.

Those poachers…

My mother had a very serious heart condition that could be fixed with a pacemaker. The pace maker became available in the 1960s.

Why, was sho so dramatic that her death had to be a spectacle? Am I angry at her still? Am I sad that when she is not there I have no comfort - no ease.

I have been uneasy. For almost a quarter century…

Where in my unease will I be comforted.

So, I got a cat.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: The Back Up Man by Phoebe Luckhurst

I know that Phoebe Luckhurst’s debut novel The Lock In was very popular a couple of years ago and although I haven’t read it, it is on the list. However, I was approved for her new release on NetGalley and thought I’d give it a go before her debut.

Anya is in her final year of her 20s but she has unexpectedly found herself single, homeless and jobless. The only spare room for her is at her cousin Claire’s house but she and Claire have never really got along and Anya has never liked Claire’s creepy fiance Richard. Soon, she has a babysitting job for two 11-year-old twins who love tormenting her but what Anya really wants is to cook for a living. While going through a pile of things from her teen years, Anya finds a contract that she made with her high school boyfriend Euan. If both of them were single at 30, they’d find each other and get married. But she hasn’t seen Euan for years and she has no idea where he is now. Then she gets a text from an old friend called Jamie and he’s looking for Euan too.

There were some glimpses of observational comedy in this book and I was so sad that they didn’t fully land and that they were so few and far between. I can tell that the author could have made this into a rom-com but instead, it was the  opposite. Not a comedy and not even really quite a romance.

Sometimes Anya was really relatable and her relationship with her mum felt very true. She is a little afraid of her mother despite her mum not really being all that overbearing or scary to an outsider. It’s that fear of disappointment and disapproval that I think many daughters feel at some point. 

Anya is passionate about cooking and whipping up new experiments in the kitchen. It’s clear that this is what she should be doing and she starts a catering business during the book. I am incredibly sad about the fact that this whole strand of the story was just abandoned. Yes, she is still cooking at the end but she had events booked that I was expecting to attend and then the book just ended. The twins’ birthday party and the dog birthday could have made some really lovely, potentially funny scenes but we didn’t get to see them which is tragic.

Anya’s reflections on her school days and her relationship with Euan felt very authentic to what teen first love is like. It is very delicate, magical and all-encompassing. However, I knew that she and Euan wouldn’t work out in one way or another. It would have all been a bit too fairytale-esque if they had, so I’m glad that wasn’t the ending we got. Instead, we got no ending at all and I’m not sure whether that’s better.

The Back Up Man is a very strange one to review. It wasn’t a pain to get through but it was very flat and took me longer than a contemporary usually takes me. I can’t really work out why so many things weren’t tied up at the end and why so many things that felt like they were going to be significant were just left at the side of the road. The presence of Aimee and the twins feels pointless, the drama with Claire and Richard was an anti-climax and even the search for Euan, which the title suggests is the main plot point all came to absolutely nothing. However, somehow I did enjoy certain parts of it. So, it’s a three star read but it is undeniably very forgettable and unsatisfactory.

[keefwho]

March 17 - 2023

8:24 AM

I had a dream I got fucked super hard in high school science class. It was by someone I didn’t have a very high opinion of when I went there but I didn’t necessarily dislike him. I remember it felt awesome, I got manhandled GOOD. But after that the dream kinda sucked because I was going around trying to not look like I blew my load all over myself and didn’t have a good change of clothes. I also got locked out of my locker and the front desk lady couldn’t help me because I had an expired ID. At some point after school I went to go buy soda for myself, had some awkward interactions at Walmart, and came out with a 24 pack of diet coke by accident that I couldn’t return. 

I had other dreams before this that I forgot because I got woken up at 6am. This morning I feel kinda tired still and am not looking forward to commissions or my workout but I’ll try to get it all done. Maybe I just need a real sturdy breakfast. 

6:29 PM

I’ve been pretty tired the past few days and I don’t know why. Maybe it is just the slight lack of sleep but I’m not sure. I guess I’ll try extra hard to get better sleep the next few days and see if that helps. I’m not ACTUALLY afraid of this but what if it’s because of an underlying condition? I wouldn’t start to suspect that unless it doesnt get better or got worse. The leading theory is I really need to get my 8 hours and I’ve also been pushing myself pretty hard this week. Even though for 3 days this week I skipped an hour of work. I dunno. 

11:52 PM

I feel kinda sad tonight but I’m gonna try no to judge myself for it. Im just gonna write it out and let it be what it is. I feel kinda lonely, largely due to my parents not being here for the next week. Even though hardly anything is fundamentally different with how I operate, it is unsettling having no one around physically. And I gotta take care of the dogs which is annoying. 

I also have those classic feelings of “I’m not very good” or “Im falling behind” or “People don’t love me as much as I think they do”. Obviously all disputable claims but I am not here to dispute. Sometimes that doesn’t help. The truth is I think it’s okay to be feeling these things, I feel them for a reason. When I find the reasons I can end up changing my behavior around it. Or I can wait until I know I’ll feel better. I am becoming more and more aware of my patterns and it’s hard to keep falling into them when I see them happening. So tonight I’m defusing from those big negative thoughts but allowing myself to be aware of them and still feel bad about them. Im just trying to prevent overthinking or mental reverb so it doesn’t get so out of hand. 

On a brighter note I’ve had 2 successful encounters where I basically brute forced social interaction with a stranger by asking them questions. Like they wouldn’t have much to say and I’d carry the conversation moment by moment until they opened up and started contributing themselves. Its been interesting and I’m starting to hone in on a more clear goal. My objective is to hunt for people I get along with by getting to know strangers. Sounds straightforward and obvious because it is but for awhile now I’ve been in a rut where I was failing to recognize the social potential around me. Everyone felt like an NPC and I didn’t like that. They still do but I’m working on it. But I’m realizing that the only way I can find more compatible people is to actually go around and locate them. Along the way I can learn to socialize better and have meaningful interactions with people I might not ever see again. 

At the end of the day I know I always have my homies which is all that matters to me. I’m trying to expand my social circle for the sake of being healthy. I don’t want to replace anyone and I want to stop feeling guilty like I am. In my perfect world I’d want to stick with the homies I got for the rest of my life and thats it. Of course I’ll still try to make that happen, but I wish I didn’t have to make new friends. I like the ones I have. 

[basedasfk]

it’s so hard without you. I literally think about you all the time and I am losing myself. I’m losing it . I’m not too sure who I am to be very honest with you. I’m trying to be who I want to be.

I’m trying to do better for myself but am I just running away. Am I not facing my emotions without you? I think so.

I’m just so sad my heart aches everyday without you and I can’t run from it. From the moment I wake up I think of you. I think of you. My love why did you leave me. why did you leave me my love come back. it wasn’t supposed to end like this. this wasn’t part of the plan my love. we were supposed to be together, to have a small apartment with a dog and a cat together, you do the dishes I do the cooking. Please baby. please. I’m begging you. please. please please please please give him back to me. take me back to the way everything was. I was so happy. I was so genuinely happy and I thought I made it. I thought I found the one. I really genuinely thought this was it God. Thank you for bringing him into my life, we did so well together, I loved him so deeply and you knew that. You knew how much I loved him God. You knew he was my best friend, you knew how much I loved it when he laughed when he smiled it made my heart so warm. He made me realise that I could be kind and warm and all these things I never thought I could be.

And how much I wanted him to be strong. And I thought that by loving him regardless of anything he’d make it. He’d be strong in the end. And I could be with him together. Right? You’re not breaking up with me right my love. My love don’t go. Don’t go my love why are you leaving me. why? don’t go. please. My love.

….😔 I know you’ll never see this and maybe you’ll stop dreaming about me. I know you’ll find someone else and my heart literally cannot bear it. My heart would literally shatter if I saw you with someone else. Why’d you change ur profile pic to the one where that girl said you looked handsome? I always thought you looked like the sun. my beautiful sunshine. I mm trying very hard to mask my pain and it’s not going too well. It’s really not going well. And I don’t know what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong.

But I know it is a fact that you left. You left. He left. He left us. He left us. He left us Jeraldine he left us. Nononononono that can’t be. That cannot be we were supposed to have everything. We were supposed to prove everyone wrong we were supposed to conquer the world why did you leave? why didn’t you defend me? you knew how much I loved you when your brother asked you if I loved you. Why couldn’t you stand up for me? Why couldn’t you stand up for yourself?

I guess I couldn’t as well. I guess I couldn’t say for sure this is serious and I was going to marry you to everyone else because I was afraid I’d look like a fool. baobao I’m the biggest fool. I’m the biggest fucking fool.

I loved you so much tal. So so so so much. Did it really not reach you? did it really…. not matter in the end?

What is the lesson to all of this God? What is it? Why is it that every February some shit has to happen to me and I go on a downwards spiral? What is going on. Why. I don’t understand God. Do I trust you? In all of this? Can I trust you? Please. Please take my hand take my hurt take my soul it’s so icky I feel like it’s been squished and slimy and mushed together and what I pick it up with my hands it falls apart and lays on the ground.

Why’d I have to lose my best friends? Why’d I let people so close to my heart just for them to disappoint me. Again and again and again they disappoint me. I’m so exhausted.

All I pray for is that I can cry rather than holding it in all the time. God please help me cry.

[warofchanges]

y-the-youthful​:

“No, I’m afraid some needs are best left unreachable, but society still finds a way to be unnecessarily demanding over these meatbags we steer.” It sounds dramatic, but more playful in its drama. Perhaps it is the ‘meatbags we have to steer’ tone of it but she finds herself smiling a little lighter.

She notices that glint in his eye, that rare calculating glimmer as he connects dots he did notice before. Hidden slivers of truth. Well, she had never hidden it. Felt no reason to. It was true Kira could kill with a face and a name, but the certainty to do it without it being put on him, and the unknown last name. Well, even if she did die, it was not something she was particular attached to.

“The beaches were lovely, and I spent most of my time outside just wandering around. The beaches there are something I still dream about, but I mean it was eight years of my life and everywhere else I’ve been they’re just sad little pebble beaches with cold water and shut shops.”

She takes a long gulp, hardly as elegant as Light but at least it radiates more of a 'thirsty’ energy than a 'wild dog just learned how to drink from a cup’ energy.

“My mother was very young when she had me. I don’t know exactly how old but it was younger than eighteen. It was not… the best environment to grow up in.” An understatement and a half. “When it came down to it, I could stay with her and watch her continue to decline until she killed me, or I could leave and get her the help she needed. I didn’t really know what was intended for me, whether I would be cut up like a science object, thrown into some underground ring that I will not describe in detail, but I’m sure your mind could come up with some ideas, or if it was genuine that I would be going to a foster home. I just knew that if I stayed I’d be killing myself and my mother, so I went.” A simple shrug. As easy as that. “Truthfully I don’t care for the Kira Case, it’s not my hunt. I came because I lost contact with my mother when I went and I’ve been looking for an opportunity to check on her.”

To see if she was alive, or if she had been deceived and should kill Watari. She knew she would do it if it were true.

It's generally hard to digest and analyze at the same time a load of heavy information like the ones Yoriko is delivering as easily as drinking a cup of fresh water. There's no doubt any of those words aren't part of the script of a put-up show, and pity hasn't ever been part of Yoriko's sharp bluntness as Light can tell. Indeed, her story is almost fuel for his purging intentions, which claim humankind's evil seed to be the cause of suffering and survival.

In Kira's perfect world, there's no place for sad stories like Yoriko's.

"I see." The teenager whispers in the end, focusing more on the last bits of information that mostly caught his attention. Mh, she's not completely interested in Kira... "Do you have already a lead?"

Emptied the glass in one gulp, he places it in the sink where dirty mugs were already waiting for someone to wash them. Someone, probably Matsuda, just left them there and hurried back to work thinking Watari would clean everything later.

"Did you talk about it with L and Watari or am I the only one who knows why you're actually here?" Giving her the back, Light starts to wash the empty cups keeping a low profile like he is just talking with his little sister Sayu and trying to sort out one of her nth imaginary love stories. "I would like to help, if you let me."

"Drinking white paint thinking it was a glass of milk is a mistake every kid can do. Don't assume THINGS based on what my father tells you about his childhood mistakes."

He is still in denial.

Clasping her hands solidly together, almost as if praying to a god for help. Alas, god is dead and this jester of a man is playing his corpse like a marionette:

"No, because most people would notice the taste first." She may be drunk, but she is fully aware of how utterly insane it is to even suggest that milk and paint taste the same, Light.

[bittermuire]

a nightlight and a bottle of wine

recently I’ve really loved nezriel and wanted to write a lil thing for them. this will be two parts, this is the first. modern au

---

It’s not like Nesta really knew what she was doing when she moved out. All she knows is that there is a rift between her and Feyre; a scar splitting their shared skin, a wound opening and reopening, never to heal.

And so she’s away. They’ve made their mistakes and let them be. They’ve hurt each other and even tried to love, but sisters love each other too much for love—and so she’s away. The guilt is still there, but farther from her, now. Nesta stirs it into her morning coffee and drinks the sleep, wiping it from beneath her eyes and the lines around her mouth.

Every so often Cassian will text her, inviting her out to dinner or to a work party, and Nesta resists the urge to throttle him. He’s a very smart, thirty-five year old man. He should know what cutting off someone means.

(He knows, of course he knows. She guesses he just thinks it doesn’t apply to him.)

His roguish charm, his smirk, his low voice, all inviting her to one thing—sex—was beginning to exhaust her. It’s a surprising relief to be away from him. She feels like she can wear tank tops and let her hair down and go out without a bra, relieved he won’t be there to stare.

(Was she really so afraid of him?)

So Nesta lives her life and drinks her coffee, wears her tank tops and sleeps in her underwear, finally a woman in the way she’s always wanted to be; she feels discrete from the rest of the world but in a near comforting way. She has no one to disappoint, no one to miss. Her world is confined to very few people and her mind allows for one.

•

But there are things that trip her up. Remaining ties.

One such: the nightlight clipped to her bed. It’s cheap, a gaudy silver. She’s sure Azriel bought it for no more than two dollars.

But she uses it every night.

(This trips her up.)

It’s a routine she’s given to herself, written into the margins of her life; she climbs into bed, smooths the blankets over her legs, grabs her book, opens it on her lap, then twists and switches on the light. It illuminates the page with a pretty, golden sun. She uses it religiously. She thinks that if she lost it, some intrinsic part of her might be lost as well, and this frightens her.

Remaining ties should be snipped. These last threads should be spooled up, put away, hidden in the bottom drawer.

She switches it on anyway, watches the light trace the letters.

(Sometimes she thinks she is the black stamp of letters. The utter bleakness of them on the smooth page. Sometimes she thinks she is what ruins the paper. She is what ruined the paper. There’s a reason she is here and they are there.)

•

November 19th.

Happy birthday to me.

She buys a cake from the supermarket and blows out the candle.

There’s a knock at the door, late at night. Not thinking to check, she goes to open it, and there stands Azriel, still in the doorway, bottle of wine in hand.

“Happy birthday,” he says bluntly.

She lets him in for some reason she still doesn’t understand, and they end up drinking a glass together. It’s from Cassian, the wine—his favorite. Azriel tells her that Cassian didn’t think she’d take it from him.

“So he asked you,” she says.

He smiles. “Because you like me.”

1:00 AM, and they’re still drinking. They barely talk. They just sit; they sit on the kitchen stools, then the rickety chairs, then the floor, then the couch, then back to the floor. His cheeks are pink, his words slurred.

“Why’d you come?” she asks, peering down at where he lays, splayed out, on the carpet.

(He’s not the kind for favors, she knows that.)

Opening his eyes, he fixes his gaze on her. He smiles sleepily.

“Happy birthday, Nesta.”

•

She doesn’t really celebrate for the holidays. Her apartment is bare, save a pair of twinkling bells on the kitchen counter, tied with a red ribbon. Sometimes when she’s cooking she’ll give them a little ring.

The letter comes in the mail—from Feyre, clearly put there by her own hand. It’s an invitation to dinner, for the winter solstice. They’re celebrating early this year because they’re going out of town for a few weeks.

(Please don’t feel pressured to come. We were going to leave you be but Az, since he’s so considerate, thought you might appreciate an invite.)

Nesta picks up her phone and texts Feyre a simple no thanks.

•

The next morning, she opens her door to a bottle of wine. Its neck is tied with a cherry red ribbon, and there’s a note—“If you’re ever lonely, give me a call. It’s my favorite.”

She doesn’t need to see who it’s from to know.

She smiles and picks it up, taking it inside.

•

It bites, the loneliness.

She wasn’t prepared for the quiet.

She traded in insults and jabs and sweaty hands at dinner tables for nothing, nothing, nothing. Silence in the shower, silence over breakfast. Over time, it’s begun to grate on her skin, sift between the strands of her hair, and she feels like she’s swimming a meter below the surface, ears clogged, vision blurred.

And slowly, she’s started to cry; she cries when the silence is too loud, when her aloneness is real, when she realizes the ugly truth of it all. She’s alone, she has nobody, she’s alone.

She picks up her phone and dials his number. “Let’s drink your wine.”

A small quiet. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“That wasn’t a question.”

“I know, Nesta,” he laughs. “I’ll be there.”

•

They don’t drink at all, actually. She starts crying again the minute she sees his face.

“Nesta?”

•

“I’m fine, really.”

They’re walking down the aisle of the grocery store, weeks later.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m doing better, I am.”

He shrugs. “I don’t care. Pick a flavor. We’ll eat it, we’ll watch a movie.” He looks her up and down, brow creased. “You need two things—no, make that three things.”

She huffs a laugh, sticking her hand into the freezer and pulling out a carton. “What?”

“Sleep, ice cream, and company.” He grins. “And now you’ve got me.”

“Lucky me.”

“Lucky you.”

•

He’s seen her beautiful; he’s seen her ugly. He’s seen her in her rattiest apron with flour crusted into her fingernails. He’s seen her laugh so hard she cries, watched her slam her head into an open cupboard door, driven her to the hospital when she sliced her hand open with a knife. They’re together a lot, she realizes. They’re not halves; they’re one and one, and one and one make two, and they stand as two together on sidewalks, squinting at menus in the windows of restaurants, and they pet dogs in the park (Nesta always asks, because Az gets shy), and they take walks at midnight, and they live their lives contentedly next to each other’s. She starts to wonder if he splits his life into two—into Cassian and Rhys and Mor and Feyre, and into her, the girl who walked away. She’d like to know why he followed her.

Sometimes she’ll catch herself staring. Even before Cassian, she’d thought Azriel was the most beautiful of the three; all graceful, sloping shadows, soft and deep eyes, curling black hair. Her heart doesn’t know what to do anymore. It skips a beat when she sees him, but calms when she’s near him. It races when he leans close, falls to steadiness when he slings his arm over her shoulders. She can’t decide if she loves him like this or loves him like that. He means so much to her, means so many different things, that to give him a singular word wouldn’t fit.

She calls him Azriel, Az, Steve, Steven Shadow, Mr. Shadow, Ralph, Ron, He of the Candied Pecans, You. He responds to all of it. Recently he told her that it wasn’t because of the name, but because of the voice—(of course I don’t know who Ralph is, Nesta, but your voice, it’s your voice you use for me)—and she felt warm for reasons she couldn’t understand.

She shows up unannounced at his apartment when it’s a bad night. He does the same.

•

“Tell me the truth,” she begins, tipsy. “Did you like me before?”

“What?”

“Did you like me before?”

He frowns. “Elaborate.”

“Before you learned I’m a nice person. Back at the townhouse. When I hated everyone and was rude to you.”

“Oh.” He laughs a little. “I always liked you,” he says, and then his face settles into something like sadness. Nesta watches him closely. “I didn’t like… the way you made me feel, though. I’d see you down the hall, tired and everything, a stick of a person, and Rhys would make some joke, and I’d hate him.”

She blinks.

He looks down. “I’d never hated him before.”

There’s a tension between them. It’s common enough to be recognizable, but not enough to be familiar. She’s on edge, unsure.

The silence seeps in.

“And I hated myself, too,” he says. His eyes flick back up to hers.

Her breath catches in her chest. “I hated myself because I didn’t do anything. So I stayed away.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, overwhelmed. Everything is building; everything is quiet. His eyes are deep and dark and swirling. He shakes his head slightly, leaning closer, slowly, slowly, and she sees it all happen—he takes her face in his hands. She can see the stray strand of hair on his forehead, the one eyelash resting by his nose, the mole right above his mouth.

“I watched you fade,” he breathes. “I watched them pull you around.”

She twines one finger into his hair, trying to bring him closer, trying to have him closer. Come here, Azriel. Come with me. Be with me, love me, because I love you.

“I’m sorry,” she says again, because it’s all she can say.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he murmurs, and kisses her.

•

“Wait,” he says, reaching up.

“What?”

He touches the nightlight. “You kept this?”

She laughs, curled into his side, and says, “Of course I did.” He drops a kiss to her hair. “They all bought me books. You made it easy to read them.”

—-

@acosfisfeysandpropaganda I finally wrote it!!

[helliontherapscallion]

Anon who’s dog had a seizure. I wanted to be able to give a positive update, but I won’t be able to. I was woken up by a call at around 1:30am from my mom and the first thing she said was “[my dogs name] died”

I don’t know all the details, I was in a full fledge panic attack and was overcome with despair when it was either explained to me or I overheard (frankly, I don’t remember) but apparently at some point either last night or veryyyyy early this morning my mom let the dog out to use the restroom, and he collapsed again similarly to how he did two days ago. My mom rushed him to the emergency vet (a thirty minute drive) but he didn’t even make it there.

I think I was dry heaving at some point because my panic was so bad. I ended up going to the vet with my dad so I could say goodbye (he had before my mom left with the dog) and ngl, going with him did not help in the slightest. My dad has NPD and he kept making the situation about himself and I stg I was ready to throw myself out the car window in the middle of the freeway and walk the rest of the way there OOP—

I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to because of Covid, but we were allowed to all head into the vet and hold him and give proper goodbyes before they took him to be cremated (they have a partnership with some place that does all that jazz). It was rough. He’s a small dog, only 18 pounds, but just holding him felt so different. There was no resistance when I picked him up (I’m not his favorite person lol, so he’d always deadpan and shuffle away a little from me before giving in whenever i’d make grabby hands hahaha) and it was just rough.

A year and a half ago my old bird passed away in that same emergency vet, so I just felt like I was suffocating the whole time. It was basically history repeating itself and I had a ✨mental breakdown✨ while cradling the pooch. My mom almost had to drag me out 2.5 hours later because I didn’t want to leave him. I tried to be strong, he was her dog in the end and they had an unbreakable bond. I should’ve been the one comforting her, not the other way around. I totally failed lol.

Thank god I was able to go home with my mom and not my dad. I wanted to be the one to drive home so she could rest, but I didn’t have the energy to protest when I saw she was already in the drivers seat.

We’ve had him since he was a few months old. I was in first grade at the time, and despite us having a very rocky start (young me didn’t like all the attention he received bc it used to be mine) he was my lil buddy and I would have done anything for him. I was looking forward to taking my senior and graduation pictures with him soon, but it seems like that won’t be happening. I just wish I did more with him.

Sorry for rambling and being so depressing! I haven’t gotten much sleep over the past two nights so I’m really out of it.

If it’s not too much to ask for, could I have a part ii of my previous request but have it involving what I wrote above? Asdfghjkl my depressed ass needs comfort and all of my friends are in school LOL. (Thank god I was called off from school this time) Plus, I don’t wanna make my mom feel worse by adding my grief on top of her own (I hope that made sense)

Part 1

(A/N): anon, I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. From what you sent me about him, he sounded like an absolute delight to be around and a very good boy. You deserve to grieve too, even if you don’t think you should. Grieving is healthy and it’s something that shouldn’t be ignored. Everyone grieves differently, so maybe you and your mom could reminisce on the good times with him? Only if you both feel comfortable doing so of course. Please get some sleep, drink plenty of water, and eat some food if you haven’t already. My DMs are always open if you ever want to talk <3

Warnings: death of a dog and bird (mentioned), panic attacks, NPD parent mention

You were jolted awake by a loud ring from your phone laying on your nightstand. It was the ringtone you specifically set for your mom. Blinking deliriously, you answered with a raspy, “mom?”

You were only met with her choked sobs on the other end. This woke you up completely as you turned on a lamp and sat up fully in your bed, “mom what’s wrong?”

“(Dog name)...” She was unable to say your dog's name before she broke into more harsh sobbing. Worry and fear pricked your gut at the mention of your dog’s name. “What about (dog name)? What’s going on?”

“He d-died, (y/n). He isn’t suffering anymore.” You felt as if ice cold water was poured onto you as you sat staring at the wall in shock. Faintly you heard your mom telling you how it happened, but you didn’t register her words. The words that came out of your mother’s mouth were nearly incomprehensible anyways due to her distress. You didn’t know when she hung up, but the next time you looked at the phone screen your homescreen met you: a picture of you, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy at an amusement park. 

Your panic attack had escalated to you dry heaving over the toilet after puking up your dinner. You felt like you were suffocating as you remembered the techniques Techno used a few days prior. You stumbled up from a crouch and scrambled over to the sink. Your hands could barely grab the faucet and turn it on as you lost most of your sense of spatial awareness and everything you touched felt distant, like every single synapse in your body was both simultaneously working in overdrive and failing at the same time. The water was as cold as it was going to get, so you plunged your hands into the liquid and felt your body jolt at the temperature. After a while, your hands turned numb after regaining some senses back so you shakily cupped your hands under the faucet and gathered water into your hands. You splashed it at your face and felt yourself becoming more grounded as time passed.

By the time you left the bathroom, your dad gathered you into the car and started to drive you to the emergency vet. The entire time he was ranting about how you needed to pull yourself together because the dog was closer to him than to you. That definitely did not help in any way, it made you want to jump out of the car and walk the rest of the way to the vet. It would be better than having someone constantly belittling you for grieving. The ride was hell, but you persevered for (dog name). You needed to say goodbye to him.

When you left the car and walked into the building, it felt as if you were walking through the nine rings of hell with blazing infernos licking at your skin with every step. Dread and despair filled and overwhelmed you with every step. 

When a nurse escorted you to the room, she offered you her condolences and left you to say goodbye. With wide eyes, you slowly walked over to your mom and saw the motionless bundle of fur in her hands. It looked like he was sleeping, but you knew better. She looked at you with so much heartbreak and sadness as tears slipped down her cheeks that you remembered that he was her dog in the end and they’ve always had an unbreakable bond. You needed to be strong for her.

Your stony facade broke the second your mom handed you (dog name). He was cold and stiff as he laid unmoving in your arms, not even trying to wiggle out of your embrace like he always did. You were never his favorite person. He felt so… different. So wrong. 

Time passed around you as you held him and cried into his fur. This situation was very similar to your previous one that happened about a year and a half ago when your bird passed away and that was what finally sent you over the edge. Before you knew it, your mom was dragging you out of the building so he could get cremated. Your dad had long since gone home so he could get ready for work, so that left you to ride home with your mom. Not that you were complaining, it was certainly better than riding home with your dad. You just wished that you could drive so she could get some rest. 

By time you got home, it was about the same time you would leave for school. As you were driving down your neighborhood, you saw a very familiar car pass you. It was Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy’s car. They were probably going to school. You kept your head down and stared intensely at your tightly clasped hands. 

The second the car was in park in your driveway, you made a beeline for your room. For the rest of the day, you hid underneath your covers and ignored the incessant buzzing of your phone on the nightstand. You spent that time alone having a panic attack. This was your longest and most intense one yet, by the time it finally calmed down it was 10:30 at night. 

You smacked your dry lips together and feel absolutely drained. The buzzing still wouldn’t let up, so you reached out with a shaky hand and opened your phone. You had at least eighty combined missed texts from Wilbur, Tommy, and Techno. 

Tuesday, Innit?

Yo, the fuck’s goin on? 

Why the hell did you ignore us when we passed you???

Music man take me by the hand lead me to the land

Ignore that dumbass

What’s going on? You weren’t at school today

(Y/n)?

Technology Sword

You don’t have to tell us what happened if you’re not comfortable

Just tell us if you’re okay

That was only the start of the messages in the group chat. Granted it was mostly Tommy spamming your name and Wilbur and Techno trying to get him to chill out, but some of the messages managed to calm the swirling panic inside of you slightly. Your phone buzzed as you got another text. This time, it was an individual one from Technoblade.

Technology Sword

Look out your window, grab your notebook

You raised your eyebrows slightly as you read the message. Your window was right across from Technoblade’s, so when you saw Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” music video and showed it to Techno, you both decided that this would be your primary communication before you eventually got phones. It wasted a ton of paper, but you both felt like the main characters in a story so you kept doing it. You hadn’t done this since you got your phone and he got his. 

After you grabbed your spare notebook and a sharpie, you sat up in your bed and turned on your lamp. When you opened your curtains, you saw Techno smiling at you before he grabbed his notebook and wrote ‘hello’. 

You uncapped your marker, wrote ‘hi’, and shakily raised it to him. You saw him frown at your shakiness, he wrote ‘you okay?’

You stared at your paper for a bit contemplating whether or not you should tell him the truth. It was no use in lying to him, he knew you better than you knew yourself. After a moment, you wrote ‘no’.

You watched as he frowned and his eyebrows crinkled together in an upwards slant. ‘Discord?’

‘Sure’

You closed your curtains once more and opened up your PC. You could already see that Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy were in a separate voice channel. When you joined, you were startled by Tommy’s loud screaming and Wilbur’s hysterical laughter. 

“WILBUR YOU PRICK WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT I WORKED SO HARD GETTING THAT NETHERITE!” 

They were interrupted by a knock on Tommy’s door, “Tommy for the love of god it’s almost eleven at night kiddo. You can keep playing but please just keep it down.”

“SORRY DADZA!”

“Good job dumbass,” Wilbur chuckled.

“Hey (y/n), how’re you?” Techno’s somewhat pointed voice interrupted them. “(Y/N)! Please tell Wilbur that it’s not cool to borrow my armor and ‘accidentally’ fall into a lava lake.”

“It was an accident I swear!” Wilbur’s slight chuckle told you otherwise. “Wilbur,” your croaky and wobbly voice scolded him quietly, “not cool.”

The voice channel went silent as you logged into your shared minecraft server. You immediately spawned in the main lobby at spawn that you built the last time you logged in. You got to work gathering wood for walls you were going to build around the city. You saw Techno’s character run to you and help you gather wood. 

“...You good, (y/n)?” Tommy’s voice took on an uncharacteristic level of gentleness and concern. 

“‘M fine.” 

After a while of silence, you heard keyboards start to click again. Gradually conversation started back up and everything felt lighthearted once more. Though, you only talked when you were prompted to. After gathering the correct amount of wood, you and Techno went back to your house so you could craft some slabs. However as you approached the crafting table, you passed your bed. Next to your bed was your pet dog, barking slightly and looking at you with it’s pixel eyes. 

You could feel tears well up in your eyes at the sight of the pixelated dog. With a lump forming in your throat you struggled to breathe through it, your breaths coming out shuttering. You made quick work of muting yourself on Discord and started sobbing, the white dog staring at you sitting on top of your minecraft bed. This wasn’t a panic attack, you knew that. But you still felt overcome by a massive wave of grief. 

After a bit, you saw Techno’s character pop in front of you and start hitting the air. In chat, you saw that he private messaged you ‘vc 2’

You clicked off the main voice chat and was immediately greeted by Techno’s gentle voice. “What’s goin on buddy?” He was only met with your sobs, “deep breaths.”

“I’m not having a panic attack.”

“Still, deep breaths are good. Follow me.” With that, you two worked on getting your breathing back to normal and your tears slowly stopped. The entire time he was giving you praise and gentle reassurances whenever you tried to apologize to him. By the time you stopped crying you felt almost completely drained. 

“You okay now?” You hummed in confirmation, too tired to say anything. “Thank you Tech, I-I’m sorry-”

“Stop apologizing for feeling emotions. They’re one hundred percent valid… Do you feel comfortable telling me what happened?”

“I…” You trailed off as you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words out loud. “You don’t have to tell me, ya know.” Technoblade gently reminded you.

“I’ll PM it to you.” With that, you PMed him on minecraft explaining that your dog died this morning. “Fuck, I’m so sorry (y/n). I’m sure he isn’t suffering anymore. Did- did they ever find out what caused the seizures?”

“No, but… he had tons of health issues that I’m glad he doesn’t have to deal with anymore.” 

“Do you wanna talk about the good times with him with Wil and Tommy? If you don’t want to we can just talk about them here.”

“Let’s rejoin the main voice channel.”

“Hey (y/n), how’re you doing?” Wilbur gently asked you. “I’m alright, do- do you guys know what happened?” They both said yes. Technoblade must’ve told them what was happening.

“(Y/n) come outside. We built something for you.” Tommy was uncharastically gentle. 

When you moved to go outside of your minecraft house and Wilbur and Tommy led you to an empty spot in the city you four were building, you stopped in your tracks. In front of you built in various types of stone was a dog statue. In front of it stood a sign that read ‘in loving memory of (dog name)’.

“We aren’t done with it, but we can finish it in a couple of hours,” Wilbur mumbled into the microphone. 

“No, it’s perfect as it is. I don’t know what to say guys…”

“You don’t have to say anything, just know that we’re here for you.” Tommy said, his minecraft character walking over to your own and hitting you. 

“Oi, don’t hit them!” Techno punched him back and that started an all out brawl between the two. It quickly ended when Techno pulled out his fully enchanted netherite sword named ‘Orphan Obliterator’. 

“Get fucked, nerd.” You could just tell Tommy was holding in screaming at his brother. “I’m not the nerd here, you’re the one that reads for fun.” Tommy retorted. You heard shuffling on Techno’s end and him walking away from his PC. You were about to ask what was happening before you heard Tommy silently scream in terror. “Oh fuck he’s coming!” You assumed that Tommy ran to lock his door. Not long after that you heard a knock, “I just wanna talk.”

“No! You-”

“I just wanna talk.”

“Let him talk, Tommy!”

“NO WILBUR.”

You heard Philza’s groggy muffled voice, “it is midnight on a Friday. I don’t care what happens or who fights who, just do it in your own rooms and do it quietly.” 

“Sorry Dad,” you heard Techno’s retreating steps before he returned to his chair. “You’re a douche, Technoblade.” 

“I just wanted to talk, Tommy.” At that, Techno started beating Tommy to death once more. Each time he would kill Tommy, he would give Tommy a small head start before he would find him again. While this was happening, Wilbur PMed you ‘wanna prank Tommy and Techno? I’m thinking we put chickens under their houses’.

You looked at his player and nodded. You and Wilbur got to work luring chickens into holes you dug around their bases and burying them so that they were close enough to hear, but deep enough for it to be mildly inconvenient finding them. After you two were done with that, you met at spawn again.

“Techno stop killing Tommy. We want to tell stories about (dog name).” You saw Techno’s character sprint to your group and Tommy’s come up from a hole in the ground. “I was just about to find him.”

“Thank you! God, I hate it when he does that.”

The rest of the night you four spent reminiscing on the funny things that (dog name) did over the years. At some points you even laughed along with them. After you told them that you wanted to take your senior pictures with him, Techno offered to edit him into your photos. You didn’t know when you passed out but when you woke up, you had a crick in your neck and your PC monitor was off. You could hear three sets of soft snoring on the other end of the call. You felt yourself drifting off to their gentle breathing and smiled slightly; with them, everything felt better. 

[arhvste]

❝ my assumptions based on your fav hq character ❞

these are all in good fun and not serious at all, please don’t get upset by them, my opinion doesn’t mean shit bby :,)

HINATA SHOYO

-> a soft bitch with a big heart. you want others to do well and you love positive attention. you do however, get overworked by emotion and sometimes get played because of how nice you are. judge people a little harsher and don’t be shy to put a bitch back in their place, you got this

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

-> we get it youre a bad bitch but sometimes it comes across like you’re still going through your angsty teen phase. stop that, you’ll get permenant wrinkles if you keep it up. let yourself live a little freely and don’t be shy to leave your comfort zone more often. and stop getting sad over the smallest things okay?

TSUKISHIMA KEI

-> horrible taste in men and you have a degradation kink. you wanna be called a little slut in the bedroom but would cry if you were called it anywhere else. you’re very kind people but you’re constantly putting yourself down and thinking you deserve shit over nothing. be kinder to yourself

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

-> you’re the supportive friend people go to when they need a pick-me-up however, you let yourself get walked over from time to time and it’s not fair on you. don’t be shy to kick a bitch and show them who’s can be the alpha >:) you’re a bad bitch with a big heart and you’re academically stable

NISHINOYA YŪ

-> shush, indoor voices please! it’s okay! we know you’re here you don’t need to shout! you’re probably between 4’0-5’3 and preach personality over looks which is fine because as everyone should. you’re insecure around others and feel the need to have a bigger presence to feel more confident. it’s okay though, i think you’re really hot and you should let yourself feel more comfortable with people you actually like more often.

TANAKA RYŪNOSUKE

-> loyal as fuck and dependable. you’re the bitch people know they can come to should they ever need it. you’re popular and you own every hallway you strut through. you let the feeling of dejection get to you though and worry about how you’re perceived by the people you’re surrounded by especially if there’s a potential love interest in your orbit. calm down and be yourself more, it’s their loss if they don’t fall for you anyway.

ASAHI AZUMANE

-> stop letting people talk over you! you’re that bitch so why the hell do you let people overpower you? you’re hot and you know you’re capable but you wallow up in self doubt and get upset over nothing. remind yourself that you’re hot, loved and talented more often because you need it.

SUGAWARA KOUSHI

-> you’re deceptive and it’s not always a bad thing. you’re good at switching up your personality and probably act fake to certain people which is fair enough. you can be a bit of a bitch sometimes but you’re hot and funny so you get away with it. learn to break down your barriers a little more though because when people start seeing your act they’ll become untrusting around you.

DAICHI SAWAMURA

-> OKAY daddy issues pack it up now. no i’m kidding but you’re attracted to mentally stable people with good morals. someone that will take care of you and be there for you. try to be more self reliant and independent though.

OIKAWA TOORU

-> we know you’re hot okay? you don’t need to post thrist traps on snapchat at 2AM every night we get it! you’re a little whiny and bratty but that’s a given. you’re a burnt out gifted child and you were probably in top classes or top league for a sport between ages 8-14 before you started becoming more average. that’s fine too though, just remember you have talents that lie elsewhere you just have to find them.

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

-> daddy issues 0.2. you’re bossy and demanding but fair. you judge others accordingly and have a good sense of who’s a good person and who’s not. you need to be more open with people and let more people in though. you’re protective of yourself and don’t let your walls down so easily. soften them and let others in more.

MATSUKAWA ISSEI

-> you’re just here for a good time and a good railing that’s all i have to say.

HANAMAKKI TAKEHIRO

-> you’re the bitch that has to listen to the mattsun stans last hook up. you’re hot too, go have a good time.

KUROO TETSURŌ

-> you’re extremely hot and i would absolutely make out with you right here right now. no i’m kidding. i’m not but anyways, you have mommy issues and you need to get over it. you also need to stop being so analytical of people because some people don’t like being read and you step over peoples boundaries sometimes. control yourself you feral thing.

KOZUME KENMA

-> ah yes. everyone’s favourite ‘i have issues but i don’t want to deal with them, so i’ll be a whore online instead’. that’s a half joke but seriously, you’re doing fine bby you don’t even need to worry. nobodies judging you and even if they are they’re way uglier and dumber than you. even still you should be friendlier to those around you and let your guard down a little more.

YAKU MORISUKE

-> you’re like a little dog. yappy and lively. you’re also very trustworthy and i would tell you my deepest and darkest secrets and feel safe about it. you’re strong willed and put others in their place at ease. you do however, need to be a little more selfish and put yourself first at times. selflessness is great but it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes and you need to do that more often.

LEV HAIBA

-> you’re literally so hot and i’d be begging for your attention. you’re also slightly oblivious and have probably had several people crush on you at once but you’ve ignored them all unintentionally. you need to believe in yourself more and remind yourself that you’re that bitch. you’re capable of amazing things you just need to realise it yourself a little more

BOKUTO KOUTARŌ

-> okay mx mood swings you need to stop acting out over nothing. you’re gorgeous don’t get me wrong but dropping your slice of bread on the floor isn’t the end of the world. get over smaller things quicker and become more aware of your surroundings. you have a really good set of close friends and you’re friendly to everyone around you. you’re very very loved but you need to stop getting caught up over pointless things.

AKAASHI KEIJI

-> you’ve probably been called ‘boring’ before but that’s far from the truth. you make snide comments and you’re witty. you’re one of the most mentally stable people and you don’t get upset over petty argument or fights. you do howver nit pick at situations and get too critical. stop that because you only annoy yourself more and put yourself in a bad mood.

SHINSUKE KITA

-> you scare the shit out of me but in a good way. i’d be scared to talk to you because you’re so perfect? you do tend to come across as unapproachable though but that’s not your fault. smile a little more and don’t be afraid to laugh a little louder. your laugh is so pretty anyway so don’t be shy to let yourself loose a little more

ARAN OJIRO

-> you’re the type of person people think about for weeks after seeing you at the airport you’re that hot. you’re reliable and loved by many. you’ve got a good spirit and you’re mentally balanced. you need to stop overworking yourself though and stop getting too worried for other people in their place. you’ve already got enough on your plate so stop taking other peoples problems when you already have your own.

MIYA ATSUMU

-> you’re a bitch. no i have more to say. you’re misunderstood. you come across as a shitty person but that’s just because you’re passionate and hard at communicating in a way that’s not so blunt. you’re petty and dislikable at first but after a couple of conversations, people find out there’s so much more to you. you’re funny, hot and talented. just remember to work on holding back on the blunt statements a little more.

MIYA OSAMU

-> 2nd best kinda vibes. you ARE the pretty best friend but people always ignore that because you’re kinda overshadowed by others around you. you’re like a diamond in the rough and valuable to those lucky enough to find you and get to know you. don’t put yourself down so much and show others you can be independent and unique because that’s exactly what you are

SUNA RINTARŌ

-> you’re hot and that’s it. you’re probably the type of person to not show up to classes but still manage to pass every exam with ease. you’re almost too cool to approach and people probably think you’re bitching about them when they see you on your phone. what they don’t know is that you’re really looking at pictures of cows that have been washed and blowdried. you probably own a pink princess cowboy hat and your instagram is probably everyone’s pinterest board. just stop slacking off though because you can achieve so much more.

SAKUSA KIYOOMI

-> you’re powerful and elegant. you’re very level headed and go about problems the efficient way. you hate time wasters and don’t let people make you their bitch. you probably have a slight god complex but that’s okay because when you’re as hot as you are, it’s understandable. stop being so uptight and sensitive about things though. be kinder to your mind and let go of the things not worth holding a grudge against.

general taglist → @atsumuwoah @bloody-bella @bbymilkbread @miracleboy420 @doggonudez @tsumue @peteunderoos @tsukkisbean @saturnfarie @dear-kozume @zumisace @boosyboo9206 @totorosleaff @27kei @dai-tsukki-desu @angrylittleriri @dearestmegumi @kuxredere @warakou @iss6s @lovinnoya @sophiashortcake @wompwomphq @waitforitillwritemywayout @webworld @brokeasshoee @sunasbabie @rowley-with-ackerman @mjoork @trifliz @curiouslilbeast @ineedsomefoodpls @hp-hogwartsexpress

ALL CONTENT BELONGS TO @KUROOSKULT ON TUMBLR 2020 PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, CHANGE OR PLAGIARISE

[mizukkies]

ఇ . ⸝ㅤintroducing kiyomizu tsuki .ᐟ the links: profile — biography — wanted plots ｡

♡ ↝        pelican town is all abuzz about KIYOMIZU TSUKI, our resident 23-year old KINDERGARTEN TEACHER. you know, the one who looks like MINATOZAKI SANA? i don’t see it, but maybe that’s just because they remind me of SOFT-SPOKEN WORDS UNDER THE MOONLIGHT, THE SMELL OF FLOWERS ON THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING AND THE WARMTH OF THE SUN ON A CHILLY DAY every time i see them at PELICAN PRIMARY SCHOOL. word around town is that they’re increasingly PATIENT and OPTIMISTIC, but can get rather RESENTFUL.

hello, everyone! you can call me angel (21+, sher/her, gmt-3, discord upon request) and i'm a little late but i'm finally here to introduce my baby moonshine kiyomizu tsuki, your favorite pelican primary school kindergarten teacher and the owner of the warmest and sweetest smile in town. please, click below for more information and leave a like to plot and/or chat!

i don't have her biography and wanted plots page up yet (i'll have them done soon and update here when i do), but i'll write down a few tidbits about tsuki and also suggest a few simple plots and prompts i'd like for her ^^ don't hesitate to approach if anything interests you. i'm very excited to be here so let's get started!

tsuki was born in fukuoka, japan, and raised by her parents who had pretty high standards about the path she should follow in her life.

even though they had a good relationship, her parents didn't approve of her wishes to become a teacher because they wanted tsuki to go into law school like her father had.

met a boy from pelican town in her first year of university and they began dating quite seriously. of course, her parents didn't approve again, but tsuki didn't care.

upon graduating, her boyfriend chose to move back to his hometown due to personal reasons what led tsuki to decide she would move as well to stay close to him. that decision turned her relationship with her parents quite sour.

eventually, they broke up after she found out he had been cheating on her it had been 4 months already. she liked the town and her job so much that she decided to stay despite the situation, she also felt too proud to run back to her family.

tsuki adores kids and genuinely enjoys caring for and teaching them new and different things. her favorite days in kindergarten are the ones where she can take her little ones to picnics or do fun activities with them.

she is quite romantic but actually has a bit of a difficult time believing anyone would fall for her and not trade her for somebody else after her last experience. she is quite insecure because of it.

she is very sweet and has a graceful demeanour to her most times, although she loves being bright and bubbly as well. she is the friend people go to when they need comfort.

is a bit emotional and sensitive, which leads her to cry very easily in response to both happy and sad situations. if you ever invite her to a dog movie session, expect her to cry her eyes out!

dreams of having a family someday and wishes to be the kind of mother that isn't as strict as her parents had been with her.

despite the type of person most people might think she is due to her gentle disposition, tsuki is very outspoken and is not afraid to speak her mind when necessary.

still contacts her family every once in a while but most of their conversations are strained and awkward, usually ending up with them asking her to return to japan and tsuki saying no.

PLOT IDEAS AND WANTED CONNECTIONS!

the ex-boyfriend who cheated on her and broke tsuki's heart but still tries to approach her sometimes,she might still have lingering affection for him despite the pain he put her through and hates him for it.

close friends that she can confide to, spend time with and just generally treat like a little found family of sorts.

people who work at places she usually visits often and can be sort of friends/acquaintances of hers (coffee shops, bookshop/library, the comunity center's garden, etc).

a mutual pining situation where both tsuki and the other muse (male) like each other but have no idea it's returned even though it might be super obvious to everyone but them (the results will depend heavily on chemistry).

someone she genuinely tried to befriend before but for whatever reason they just don't seem to click and always end up arguing one way or another.

someone she doesn't meet up with often but, everytime they do, they drink and she relaxes and actually talks about things she usually wouldn't because this person encourages her to show a little "wilder" side.

AND EVERYTHING ELSE YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY THINK OF! i'm open to all kinds of plots and connections, to be honest!

( template credit goes to gunshzt. )

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Reading through your wedding post made me so happy, but then I read about Falco's family 😭 Do you think you could write some of your headcannons of you and Reiner watching Falco for a week while his brother goes on a business trip or something. I can only picture by the end of the week that the house is full of the kids because none of them want to go home because Falco misses his brother and hes sad!! 😭😭

I'm so happy you enjoyed it! And that's such a sweet and thoughtful request how could i say no :( my god it sounds like the perfect comfort fic to write and honestly Falco deserves it💛

And the kiddos comforting Falco is a really adorable idea especially since he's the one looking out for everyone and comforting them most of the time, i can only imagine how loved he'd be by them.

Falco spending a week with you and Reiner

{ Reiner x reader | tw:deceased parents tw:neglectful parents | reverse comfort, fluff | modern }

{ "Tales of Enchantment" by Frank O. Salisbury 1874–1962 }

Around 5am, you and Reiner were waiting in the living room, each holding a cup of coffee. In the past days you got a call from Colt, asking if you can take care of Falco for a week, he sounded really apologetic and so you reassured him it's not trouble at all.

Apparently him and Zeke had a work related trip to a far away town, being understaffed in that town and all, the situation was dire and they couldn't refuse without their rating taking a huge hit not to mention morally too. But as a compensation, the company promised a higher pay to make their effort worth it.

You didn't notice the repeated knocking on the door till a couple seconds later, lack of sleep delaying your senses.

Opening it, you were met with an anxious Colt carrying his little brother in his arms, still asleep in his pajamas. Zeke from behind him carrying a couple bags and backpacks, he waved to you with a smile.

As Reiner took Falco in his arms and some of the bags too, you carried his Marvel school backpack and a list Colt made for all the things Falco needed and liked. He seemed to put a lot of effort in it, somethings in it you didn't even know yourself.

While tucking Falco in your bed, Reiner couldn't help but express his worry over Colt working himself to exhausting, both mentally and physically.

Yeah it was only a temporary thing till Colt graduates college and finds a stable good paying job, whilst taking care of his little brother as much as he can. He's been carrying Falco's responsibility on his shoulder since the funeral without a twitch or a complaint.

You think back to all the times you saw Colt, most being for mere minutes when he came to drop off the kids or pick them up just as his classes ended and before his shift at work started, barely having time for himself yet he chose to spend that little remaining free time on Falco and his friends.

You sit next to Reiner on the bed, gently brushing Falco's hair away from his face as he's sound asleep. He always looked up to his brother more than anyone else and would never let anyone talk badly about him.

It's like his own personal superhero.

"Do you think he'll be sad knowing he didn't get to say goodbye before Colt left?" You ask, still looking at Falco.

Reiner thinks for a moment before answering, "probably, but won't show it" he secures the blanket more around Falco, "sometimes I wonder who's more stubborn with showing their emotions, Gabi or Falco."

"I'd say Zofia wins the acting Oscar" you turn the lights off on your way out, "wasn't it for Udo, we wouldn't know how she's feeling half the time."

Around 10am, a very sleepy Falco merges out of the dark bedroom. Making his way to sit between you and Reiner on the couch, while carrying a blanket around him.

He leans into Reiner's hand when he strokes Falco's hair while you secure the blanket around him. Seeming unusual quiet, you and Reiner shared a knowing concerned look.

Offering to make him his favourite food for breakfast got a smiles out of Falco, Reiner even let him choose what shapes he wants his sunny side eggs as.

While he went to cook and prepare food, Falco shyly leans into your lap as if testing the water.

Please assure him it's okay to seek physical comfort from you, wrap your arms around him and he'll be embarrassed at first to ask to sit on your lap but will love it afterwards.

Just don't tell anyone about it okay? It's something his parents used to do when he was little.

When he heard about Gabi coming over today, he seemed to light up. While Udo and Zofia have weekend music lessons they couldn't make it till tomorrow.

While looking away, he asked if you could watch teen titans go with him.

The rest of the day went smoothly after that, Falco was a good kid in general and a really helpful and understanding person. He helped you both with chores and even attempted to cook pancakes.

While it came out burned, don't tell him that! He's really worried so please make him know you loved it and it was super delicious.

You and Reiner even took him to the dogs park nearby, he had pet so many good dogs till he couldn't count, even played fetch with one. After that you got ice cream on the way back.

When Gabi finally arrived, full of energy and enthusiastic about Falco staying over meaning she too will be staying over

All hell broke loose, it's like a switch had been flipped and the well behaved good boy Falco you know was completely weoponised by Gabi as she pulled him into her mischiefs

By himself, Falco is a good kid, well behaved, polite and responsible for his age. But with adding Gabi to the mix? They're a force to be reckon with.

You could see that Reiner was trying his hardest to deny that his closest cousin Gabi, was the bad influence on other kids all along.

You know? The one leading you off a cliff that your moms tells you not to follow? The rebellious kid with very strong opinions and the will to fist fight god? Yeah that one.

Apparently, no one gave Falco the cliff talk yet because he seemed far too eager to follow her to the end of the earth and down that cliff, he'd even jump hand in hand with her just to protect her from the sharp rocks under.

Gabi was actually looking forward to Falco staying over, since either way she'd spend a couple of days with you and Reiner whenever her parents are away or are too busy. She can't handle feeling lonely in the house, it's one of the worst feelings she's ever experienced.

It reached a point that Reiner gave her a copy of the keys, just so she could come in whenever even if you were at work. He too didn't like the idea of her being alone in a house all by herself, yet her parents didn't seem bothered at all.

But now she has a friend to spend the time with!

Falco was finding comfort in the fact that him and Gabi are currently in similar situations, while his was temporarily he felt better knowing he wasn't alone in this.

By the end of the the day, they managed to build a pillow fort in your living room. No one allowed to enter unless they're bearing offerings snacks

Around 10pm, when both of them fall asleep inside the fort. Falco hugging a pillow to his chest while Gabi still had a controller in her hand.

Of course Reiner took some pictures, how could he not? Especially with the way Falco's fingers were tangled with Gabi's as she had cookie crumbs around her mouth.

He also sent it to the groupchat Zeke made, reassuring Colt that Falco is having the time of his life whilst also sharing their adorable cousins with the rest of his friends.

The week went by faster than anyone could notice, good times always fly fast eh?

Each morning you and Reiner would walk Falco to the school bus before watching him sit next to Udo, sending him off with packed lunch and waving as the bus went away.

After school the rest of the kiddos will come with him home, keeping him company and helping him with homework too. They'd make sure to play Videgames right after.

Porco actually took over the duty of taking Zofia and Udo back to their houses, let's just say their mothers didn't like him at all, but reluctantly agreed after Reiner assured them he's a close family friend.

Each day around 6pm, Colt would video call him on his work break, sometimes with Zeke and other times alone. Falco would tell him about his day and Colt would praise him for all the good work he's done, he'd even share stories of his own and remind him to brush his teeth and eat his vegetables.

After each call, Falco will be noticeably more...down. can you blame him? He really misses him brother.

Sit next to him and hug him close please, he really needs it but he can't bring himself to ask for it. Soothe away his worries and don't mention it if his eyes start watering, just pull him against your chest and let him cry his heart out.

On nights he's particularly sad, he'd sneak into your bedroom to sleep between you and Reiner. It's something he used to do back when he was little, he can't help but miss his parents.

It makes him feel safe so make sure to keep a space for him in there always.

Please stroke his hair till he falls asleep like his mother used to do each night, and let him lean against you while watching cartoons like his father did.

You also noticed how...dotting the kiddos are around him during these times.

Gabi is more gentle with him, even willing to play the games he wants instead of hers. She always teams up with him and her words whenever they win make him smile.

Zofia shares her food with him, something so scarce. She gives up her turn on the tv for him and even defends his choice in what to watch if the others complain.

Udo is the one making him space on the school bus and walking with him home too. Helping him with his homework and holding his hand whenever he seemed to get sad.

Udo and Falco are a great emotional support to each other, they're not afraid to speak about their emotions to the other.

And naturally they're the most comforting, with Zofia botteling up her own emotions and Gabi wrestling through it, it's the two of them who work as the group emotional support backbone.

Reiner couldn't stop talking to you about how proud he is of Udo when he saw him comforting Falco these days, you couldn't agree more.

By the end of the week, the three kids were surrounding Falco on the couch as they played Mario karts.

Zofia was threatening to throw hands with whoever threw that blue shell at her making her last place, Gabi was too busy securing her first place spot.

Udo was leaving strategtic traps in his trail while in third place, making Zofia even more frustrated as she fell into every single one.

Falco was racing with Gabi in second place, attempting to push her kart or power through to the finish line.

When the black and white line came into view, Gabi and Falco's karts were separate by mere inches, both of them attempting to outrun the other.

And when Gabi managed to get a hold of the first spot for three seconds, a flying blue shell knocked her away. Making Falco the winner as he crossed the line.

To this day, Gabi doesn't know if which one of Zofia and Udo were the cause of her demise, but oh she will find the traitor and they will pay.

After that intense scene, they all shared a bag of cookies she brought from home! It was animal shaped.