#and i think i made myself make all of them different in some way

[wandaslittlebird]

A Room of Your Own

Married!WandaNat x Reader

Summary: After getting kicked out of your college dorm, you find yourself living with two older strangers. It was never meant to be anything more than a temporary arrangement born out of necessity, but as the semester continues, something new starts to grow.

CW: Homophobia, Getting Kicked Out, Slow Burn (No sex or romance in this chapter), Age Gap

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: I’m back from the dead, though probably not in the way you wanted or expected. I had to take a (not so) little break from one-shots and smut for the time being for some personal reasons. But I’m still finding ways to write and enjoy myself. Some of you probably have already seen this. It’s been up on AO3 for a while now. But I figured I’d post it here too.

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing any sort of slow burn, so we'll see if I can resist having them all fall into bed together in the first few chapters. I also don't know how to write an introductory chapter without making it boring as shit, so I at least made it short to spare you all. I promise it gets better.

Chapter 1 of A Room of Your Own

———————————————————

You sat, knees curled to your chest, on the curb in front of what used to be your dorm. It was late, a little after midnight, and absolutely pouring rain.

Three days. You had been in the dorms for three days and you had already been kicked out. You’d expect some pushback, going to a religious college and being queer, but nothing like this. Nothing like getting kicked out of your dorm in the middle of the night because you were making your roommates uncomfortable. You’d tried so hard to get them to like you. They seemed sweet. Not your type of people, sure, but you thought the three of you could get along just fine.

As it turns out, they were actually so repulsed by your presence they couldn’t even wait until classes started to kick you to the curb. Literally.

“Hey!” Somebody shouted from the doorway, holding a large umbrella. You turned to see her approaching and shrunk back in on yourself. You didn’t think you could handle anymore ridicule that evening.

When you didn’t respond or turn to face her, she sat down next to you, sure to cover you with the umbrella as well. She spoke softer now. “Hey. I’m sorry for what happened back there.”

You still didn’t speak, but you looked at her now, partially soaked from where she was sitting next to you on the wet concrete. “I’m Yelena.” She reached her hand out for you to shake.

You shook her hand. “Y/N. Nice to meet you.” You recognized her from your dorm floor, though you’d only ever seen her in passing.

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” she smiled softly. “I wish it were under different circumstances.”

You nodded, turning your gaze back to the raining night.

“Do you have anywhere to go? For tonight I mean. I would offer you to stay in my room, but…” she turned back to the door of the building. You both knew you couldn’t go back in there.

You shook your head. You hadn’t even thought where you would stay tonight. You could always stay in your car. It wouldn’t be the first night you’ve slept in the backseat. Still, the sopping wet clothes would surely make for a morning full of rashes and blistered skin.

Yelena sighed, looking at the ground. She was silent for a moment before she came up with an idea. “Let me call my sister. She and her wife have a massive place not so far from here. They’ll have a bedroom or two to spare.”

Before you could form a rebuttal of any sort, Yelena pushed the umbrella into your hands and dashed back inside. You tucked the umbrella between your leg and the crook of your arm, resting your head on your knees.

It wasn’t very long before Yelena was by your side again. “Okay she’s on her way. She’ll be here in about 10 minutes.”

You didn’t look at her, facing intentionally in the other direction. You felt so horrible. You just wanted to curl up and disappear. And now you were going to be picked and taken to the home of some random classmate’s sister? You try to formulate a response, a reason that you will be fine on your own, but there was nothing. It was either this or the back seat of your 1993 Toyota Corolla. Somehow, you bet Yelena wasn’t going to take that as a reasonable explanation as to why she should call off her sister.

“Are you coming with me?” You asked weakly.

She sighed and put her hand on your back. “I wasn’t planning on it, but I will if you really want me to.”

You finally turned to face her. She didn’t look thrilled at the prospect of leaving. She was probably a freshman. It was her first couple days in the dorm too and everything was so new and exciting. The last thing she wanted to do was go back home with her sister.

“No it’s okay,” you responded. The last thing you wanted was to inconvenience someone else tonight, and it’s not like a freshman you hardly knew was going to bring you much solace anyway.

She patted your back. “They’ll take good care of you, I promise.”

Before too much longer, Yelena stood up at the sight of headlights. She waved her arms in an “over here” motion. The car approached Yelena, stopping hard in front of the curb you were sitting on. The tires splashed you in rainwater and mud. Yelena winched, walking back towards you to usher you into the car.

She led you to the passenger door, popping it open and peeking her head in. “This is your girl,” she said, pointing back towards your soaked, mud covered figure. She motioned for you to sit.

You hesitated. The car looked nicer than any you’d ever been in before. The idea of ruining the nice leather seats made you want to shrink further into your ball of shame.

The woman in the driver's seat noticed your hesitation, but didn’t seem the slightest bit concerned with her seat. “Come on in,” she ushered. “Get out of that rain.”

You handed the umbrella back to Yelena, reluctantly taking a seat in the car. Yelena peaked her head back in to say “take care of her,” before closing the door and scurrying back into the dorms.

The woman looked at you, reaching up to pop on the overhead light. The sight of her in the light nearly took your breath away. She looked oddly familiar. Maybe you’d seen her around town. You sharply inhaled as the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen leaned over the console towards you. She frowned. “Oh you poor thing!” She reached out to wipe off your face. You cringed when you saw the mud smear across the sleeve of her jacket. “Let’s go home and get you cleaned up.”

You nodded and she turned the light off before pulling out of the parking lot. You fought the urge to curl up in her passenger seat, fearing further ruining her seats with the dirty bottoms of your shoes. When you didn’t speak, she offered up an introduction of her own. “My name is Natasha. I don’t know what Yelena’s told you, but I’m her sister. My wife and I have a place not so far from here.”

“I’m Y/N” you managed.

“A friend of Yelena’s?” She asked.

You chuckled a little. “I suppose you could say that. We met about 20 minutes ago.”

Natasha chuckled. “Of course. Leave it to Yelena to seek you out after such an injustice.”

You bit the inside of your lip. You wished you had heard the phone conversation so you could gauge just how much she knew.

It was as if Natasha could read your mind when she started next with the details of the phone call. “Yelena told me you got kicked out of the dorm by the other girls. They were uncomfortable because you were gay? I never expected to hear anything like that happening in 2024, but I guess I stand corrected.”

Well, that was one way of telling the story. At least Yelena had left out the peeping Tom allegations that got you chased off the floor by everyone who had to share a bathroom with you. They weren’t true, of course, but the fact that you’d made people so uncomfortable they were willing to name you a pervert without second thought made your skin crawl.

After a short, largely silent car ride, Natasha pulled the car into a garage. You hadn’t gotten a good look at the house, both because of the dark and getting lost in your own thoughts, but even by the state of the garage you could tell it was nice.

Natasha got out of the car, unlocking the door and leading you into the kitchen. You took your shoes off by the door, then decided to take your socks off too to avoid tracking muddy water through the house. The woman took your hand and guided you to the stairwell, then to a bathroom. She turned on the lights and opened up a cabinet, pulling out fresh towels and washcloths.

“I’ll get you some fresh clothes and sheets. The bedroom is through here.” She opened a door that revealed a sizable bedroom connected to the bathroom. You could hardly believe this wasn’t the master suite she’d led you too.

She turned to face you, exhaling as she once again took in your disheveled state. She picked some errant pebbles from your tangled hair and wiped it out of your face. “Now,” she started, “do you need anything else before I let you get cleaned up and off to bed?”

You shook your head. “No. You’ve done enough already. Thank you, Miss Natasha, for letting me stay here. It means a lot. Truly.”

“Of course.” She smiled. You didn’t notice the blush that crept onto her face at the formality. She swiped away the hair that had fallen in front of your eyes again. “We wouldn’t want a sweet girl like you sleeping out in the rain.” She booped the tip of your nose. “Now promise you’ll wake me or Wanda up if you need anything at all. We’re just in the room across the hall. Can’t miss it, it’s the only door on that side.”

You nodded slowly. There was no way in hell you were going to wake her or Wanda, who you assumed was her wife, for any reason. But you nodded anyway.

She smiled and rubbed your chin. “Good girl. Now go get cleaned up and try to get some rest.”

As she set off to her room, you hoped the mud had covered how pink your cheeks had gotten. You headed to the shower, sliding open the glass door and turning on the water. You decided to hop in with your clothes at first, hoping to get enough of the mud off that you could wear them again tomorrow. Then you wrang the clothes out and threw them over the door to dry. You took your time in the shower, letting the hot water warm you up from the cold rain. By the time you were finally clean, you grabbed the fresh towel Natasha had left for you.

Your clothes were, obviously, still soaked save for your underwear. You were thankful for the little time it had taken the thin silky material to dry. You put them back on and wrapped yourself in a towel before entering into the bedroom.

There was a maroon hoodie at the end of the bed. It had been there since Natasha first showed you the room, so it clearly wasn’t laid out for you. However, in lieu of other clothes, you decided the owner probably wouldn’t mind if you borrowed it for the night. You slipped the soft fabric over your head. It was much too big for you, going down to almost your mid thighs while the sleeves dangled over your hands. But it was, quite possibly, the softest material that you’d ever felt. It felt simultaneously brand new and freshly washed.

You crawled up into the queen sized bed, slipping under the covers. You held the fabric of the hoodie close to your face. It smelled nothing like the musky bergamot of Natasha, which had been equally as entrancing in its own way. This was distinctly different. It smelled soft and comforting like lying in a meadow on a spring day. The comforting smell and warmth, along with your own exhaustion, quickly had you asleep.

[twipsai]

this one panel in issue #50 and it's, like, not THAT bad alright

fuck it im tired and had a long day this is my treat to myself. im talking about that panel. yes, THAT panel. which one?

THIS ONE. alrighty this is off the cuff and terrible, lets go.

so this panel isnt like, that bad in context when it comes to Sonic. i think specifically "ive made peace with enough enemies to know there is a better way" is a really interesting line here, because it calls back to the amount of times that the "villain" hes fought has just been a person whos hurting, and how hes been able to help those people. it makes sense that eventually hes more keen on trying to figure out someones whole story before deciding if theyve gotta go (which is rare).

but i want to talk about the FRAMING of this panel, and specifically the larger context of this issue in particular. theres a lot of flip-flopping in perspectives. usually, IDW is told through Sonic's perspective (loosely, this kind of thing is up to interpretation a lot), but in issue 50, it switches rapidly between four different groups -- Sonic and Surge, Tails and Kit, Eggman and Starline, and Belle and Metal. within these groups, the perspective its being told from changes a few times, but never as much as Sonic and Surge's do

i actually love these two when they interact as a storyteller myself, and one that has handled scripts too often for my own liking. Sonic and Surge do this thing where they push and pull the pacing of the script to fit their motives -- Surge keeps trying to escalate things, whenever shes in a panel everything starts pushing rapidly and it feels like the panels are tumbling off the page. when Sonic does anything, though, its slow and deliberate. hes having fun fighting, sure, but he can very much tell that Surge is trying to kill him and hes not having any of that. Sonic keeps things slow and focused, Surge tries to push things faster and unfocused. i could get into how this reflects her motivations and stuff but thats not what this is about i already lost track of what i was talking about fuck hang on

ok so. Surge knows shes supposed to be Sonic, to be BETTER than Sonic. its all she knows, really, and thats the problem. shes traumatized and full of rage and Sonic has been put on this high pedestal, not just by her, but by everyone. she cannot stand this.

this panel is how SURGE sees Sonic, specifically the composition. hes shrouded in light and physically above her -- its not even that subtle of a metaphor, they use it all the time in idw.

the entire overpowered saga shows Surge clawing for control of herself, her life, her freedom... this issue sets all that up in the main story. the way Sonic is framed here isnt how he sees himself at all. weve seen him do this exact same thing from his own perspective before, where everyone is on even ground. he doesnt see himself as above anyone, this instance of him being depicted as such isnt alluding to how Sonic feels about himself, its how Surge feels about Sonic.

and, look, its not the most well-done in the world. this issue has a whole host of problems, evident by the constant switching of focus from one group to a next (a problem that i think they did better on in the Phantom Rider saga). i literally forgot about Belle and Metal in this issue bc theres just so much more going on, i wouldve loved for them to slow things down a bit, maybe splitting it into two issues, but hey, what can you do, yk?

as an aside, i think its really weird how people narrow in on this specific panel of Sonic as being "so out of character", which i sorta like, 30% agree with (i think some phrasing could be better), and then ignore the page right after it...

...in which he pretty much says "you dont get freedom if youre gonna be a problem". funnily enough, on twitter i have this flow chart saved whenever i need a quick guide on Sonics morality and stuff, its really not that complicated

x

none of this is new imo, we see he has the same philosophy in sa1 and satbk. Chaos was blinded by rage and pain after being trapped for thousands of years RIGHT after they were attacked by the echidnas. Merlina was so scared of death (implied to be because she had lost family members and wasnt able to cope with it well) that she became a monster in an attempt to never let anything change ever again. these arent very different stories in my head i guess, just cases of Sonic seeing people who are hurting and doing his best to free them from that.

uhhhh anyways. all this is disorganized i forgot what i was talking about like 5 times while writing this but. people on twitter are ripping into this issue again. like its a b tier issue stop acting like its an f yk Q_Q i will defend anything if people are too mean tbh

thanks for making it this far if you read all this. i love idw a lot and i think that it does have some flaws, theyre all really blown out of proportion.

have a great day/afternoon/evening wherever you are yall :) bye bye

[dedfly]

Hii! I was wondering if I could request headcanons for Shadow milk cookie x reader? Just about how he would act when he realizes he loves you and how his actions and stuff changes when he starts to have a crush on you? <3

I can't believe i writing again. Requests are still closed(only writing related ones i still prefer drawing stuff.), I just couldn't help myself with this one. New trailer made me all nostalgic

Disclaimer:

This is about Shadow Milk, if we talking real people here rember if someone loves you they would not play mind games. They are not cookies of deciet, it's not their quirky trait. Your partner or friend should be clear with you from the start

Remember there always would be people who loves you. And you always deserve better

Cw: Mentiones of gaslighting

___________________________________

Shadow Milk cookie x reader

♪ Can't say it would be long realisation. Maybe few days not the love from first sight but not the slow burn you know?

♪ But it surely would be "Oh yeah... This one" with creepy ass smile

♪ Alright, let's go and look past his thick hair right into his messed up head.

♪ We still would see the same pragmatic cookie just this time all his schemes about making...no, actually

♪ He would not try and get out of his way to make you fall in love with him.

♪ Why would he? It's inevitable.

♪ All his "little" courtship focused on one simple thing - leaving an impression

♪ You will rember him and what's is most important

♪ All your little partners didn't bring you as much effort as he did

♪ And by efforts I mean focusing all his attention on you

♪ Making you speak more than he usually let anyone

♪ Doing his sweet voice while he speaking to you

♪ Gifting you flowers some flashy gifts with ribbons, but nothing too resembling of him...yet

♪ But I don't think he would change drastically it's still him. He would be lying and deciving feeding you with half truths just like everyone

♪ It's in his nature, really

♪ His flirting is fleeting with you. Blink and you miss it

♪You can say but he's a total flirt with Wind Archer and Pure Vanilla why not me?

♪ Well it's me who writing this okay? I think he just being annoying to them on purpose. It's not actual flirt he would use in a serious courtship

♪ Just kidding, he would act differently just to look how far your boundaries stretches

♪ I mean he's also a performer which is making it way worse

♪ He so dramatic and his courtship, he's too reminiscent of a bird

♪ You will notice his act in no time. His attitude to you would be special that's for sure

♪ You might think uh aren't you just contradict yourself? No why would I? :)

♪ His actions still making you doubt his intentions

♪ WORSE of all he would not be reassuring in a traditional way so it not helping. He's still vague about his true intentions

♪ Not in a tsundere way more like a "Me? Flirting with you? Hm... How odd. You sure my gesture of gratitude isn't messing with your head?" "What? Do YOU want it to be something more?" And more of the "Are you sure? I don't recall that"

♪ Oh yeah and it's all in a lovey dovey period... Don't think he would be the one confessing first.

♪ His attitude would draw you insane that's for sure

"Ah? Asking me out on a date??? Hm... Tsk tsk tsk. Took you long enough."

♪ His mask would quickly fall off as soon as you get in a relationship tho.

♪ You will choke on his love in the best way possible

___________

Okay I'm not surprised thr only cookie who made me want to sit down and write this there Shadow Milk

[karak9]

oh this is fun sorry I didn't see it sooner!! I love ask games <3

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

primarily nonhuman! my plurality also intersects with my alterhumanity personally.

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

...how much time do you have?

tl;dr I'm a polymorph with a fluid identity so my list of kintypes is everchanging and vague. my primary kintypes are elf, dog, and currently deer but more in an archetype way than a super animalistic deer way, but not quite to the point of wanting to label it an archetrope thing! I tend to get identity flickers a lot but also some of my kintypes just gradually change over time. I'll always be elf and dog, though. most of my kintypes/morphtypes are animal but I have 1 fictotype and experience fiction flickers too.

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

yes, though not as often as I did when I first joined the community. my strangest shifts were orca (morphtype or kintype idk) and snake (cameo). imagining moving without limbs/legs is so weird lol. I've heard of people having tree/plant shifts and honestly??? I wanna try that.

my most common shifts are canine. I usually get phantom ears + tail whenever I think about them or sometimes randomly feel them when I'm particularly emotive lol.

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

being a nonhuman freak <3

I'm a lil nonhuman with my partner altho he's not nonhuman himself but he totally gets me and we make animal noises at each other and he calls me his pup!

5/ What do you think of the community?

needs some work as pretty much all communities do, but pretty awesome otherwise. I really like how the community is progressing to becoming significantly less gatekeepy and elitist. more nonhumans having fun and playing with their identity please!!! less people shaming others for enjoying being nonhuman or not being nonhuman the """right""" way!!

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

incorporating my identity in fashion, kink, and whatever the term is for how I interact with others- aka I am very dog with my partner and friends. not all of them know I'm otherkin but I'm so thankful puppygirls are becoming more socially acceptable because it makes it a lot easier for me to express myself lol.

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

rarely. it was REALLY bad as a teen but has calmed down a lot since growing more comfortable in my nonhumanity and my mental health/environment being better. maybe I lucked out there but man it was awful at the start.

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

if I could give a piece of advice to my younger self it would be: identity is a concept and there is no way to "prove" your experiences. it's literally made up. stop trying to mold yourself to fit a standard that wasn't made for you. just be your weird self.

nowadays I'm not sure if my advice would be different, I feel like a lot has changed in the attitude of the community towards newcomers over the years. I guess just be yourself, as cheesy as that is. there is no wrong way to be you, I promise. there ARE wrong ways you can use labels and if you screw up, that's 1000% okay!!! just be kind and listen to people if they offer you a piece of information you might've not had before.

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

I have some collars and have had tails in the past but got rid of them when I moved. I'd love to make some more though! I have a pair of ears as well, and some puppygirl aesthetic clothing/shoes lol. I would love some more.

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

my personal origin theory is a mix of spiritual and psychological. I believe my kintypes are mostly past lives but the reason I connect with them in my current human life is due to being neglected as a child. I was raised around a lot of dogs so I latched onto them and began seeing myself as one of them from a very young age. I don't think I would have this many kintypes if I wasn't traumatized and mentally ill lmao. I do think I might've still been an elf though, because it's one of my 2 strongest kintypes despite not really having anything that influenced me towards it growing up like with canids. also I think my polymorphism is entirely because I have an unstable sense of self due to bpd/cptsd. might be partially caused by having lived many lives? and being plural.

idk who to tag bc I'm not active on tumblr I forget who is even on here lmao but pls do this if you see it!!! <3

If you are a alterhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[whisper-cats]

Hellooooo! I’m working on a clangen blog of my own, so I’m going around asking my favorite clangen blogs some questions. I’m happy to get answers to whichever you feel like answering (or none at all if you don’t feel like it!)

What program and file size do you use?

If you use a font, what font is it?

How far ahead do you recommend playing?

Do you have any advice for layouts?

Do you have any tips for lighting/drawing fur?

Do you have any tips for making cats look more unique?

If you do backgrounds, do you have any advice for creating them?

If you use them, where do you recommend finding reference images?

hi hi! Thank you for the questions 1. Clip Studio Paint, my comic pages' size is 1600x2900 pixels when I'm working on it, but that includes empty space on the sides where my lines can go over the limits when needed

2. "HP Simplified Hans Regular"... I sort of want to hand-write all of my text tbh, but I thought I shouldn't make things too energy-intensive for myself

3. Depends what you want the structure of your story to be like. For me the important part was the setting that was generated for me so the moons going forward & the brisk pace that that gives you have less importance for my story than they would for most Clangen stories, and therefore I didn't go very far in the moons before I started sketching down pages

4. nah, i'm a newbie on that

5. can't think of anything, sorry

6. I think looking for uniqueness itself can be kind of a trap, and i think it's most important your characters are distinct from their surrounding cast of characters than them looking unique when looking at the wider art community. Any kind of design can be recognizable if it makes an impact. I think using patterning especially can be something people might fall back on too easily to make characters distinct. These are the other ways I like to try make a cat character recognizable and interesting (among their cast): - Experiment with different, even subtly different whiskers, ear sizes and shapes, fur texture (sleek, puffy, curly, spiky, flowy etc) and where that fur might be most prominent in each character (one fluffy cat might have a huge puffy chest fur, another long hair cat might have their long coat look more heavy and pulled by gravity, another cat might have the puffiest tail but less in the chest, etc). Also of course the usual, like different eye and nose shapes. - Use color contrast to make the character demand more attention to itself. If a cat has a big white patch on their face when the rest of their body is dark, it immediately brings your attention to their face. I often like to play up and heighten the contrast of a warm-toned body against cool-toned eyes like Whisperingpaw's reddish body against his deep blue eyes, but it works just as well in reverse or with other color contrasts. This can be muddied though if the design is full of highly contrasting small elements in unimportant places of the body which instead can just become confusing to the eye. It's why I don't really like designs from for example Genshin Impact

^ Whisperingpaw, I even made his grey pawpads more cooltoned than usual for some extra contrasting details - Try designing two characters at once instead of one at a time. When you design two at once, especially if they have some connection to each other, you can already start laying out some opposing or just different physical traits to them. If you make a huge cat next to a small cat, both of their sizes are immediately noticeable traits about the cats that you can perceive and build on. If you only drew one huge or one small cat, you might not really even register their size as part of their design because there is nothing to compare it to. Let their relationship & direct comparison be something that contextualizes them and gives them something more than an empty paper to relate to - Continuing on the "let the characters have something to compare to", a character will always look more beautiful if they are surrounded by more bland or even "ugly" characters. A character's intricate patterns will be more noticeable if surrounded by very simple-style characters. Use this to your advantage and let things like beauty or cuteness be character-specific traits instead of something expected of each design. This is just another benefit to having a diverse cast, it doesn't just give representation to less charismatic styles of characters (which already has so much value by itself), it lets the "beautiful" designs be more convincing to the eye.

for 7. and 8. i don't have an answer to!

Hope that helps :3

[des-draws]

hey remember when i was obsessed with sanders sides circa 2018. remember when i made my own sides and basically predicted remus and orange/rage/whatever but no one will ever believe me because i procrastinated too long on sharing them. remember when i redrew them in 2023. no you don't cause i never shared that either but now you do!

2018 ver and more rambling under the cut. if u even care /ref /lh

in any case, creating my own sides has helped a whole lot. being autistic and having trouble with distinguishing my own emotions is overwhelming sometimes, so trying to categorize where each thought/feeling is coming from has been extremely helpful and i highly recommend it. i haven't drawn these sillies as much as i would've liked but they also serve as a great avenue for vent art, something i mostly used established characters for up until creating them.

my art style evolving definitely played a part, but i think growing myself, going on T and into therapy was the biggest component in helping me sort them and be able to communicate with these different sides of myself. being more aware of my body and face in a neutral rather than negative way and not dissociating from them entirely was huge on finally being able to draw them how i picture them; have them look authentic and resemble me AND not be dysphoric or body dysmorphic about it

all this to say. make your own sides. i know some people already have, and i think a lot more would benefit from it.

[zepskies]

Thank you sooo much, my lovely!! 😘💕

Now diving into the rest of your amazing review! 😍

firstly I wanna say i love the phrase thicc thirty lol 😭 secondly I loved how each character was written, it felt true to their nature for sure 🙂‍↕️🫶🏽 as per usual of course :p💞

Hhaha right?! I borrowed that from Lizzo. 😝 And aw thank you!! you know I try to do my best to keep these guys in character.

deans made me so softt🥺 i’m always a sucker for person a noticing person b is off and then comforting them <333 it fills my heart with warmth every time I read it 💗 and the reassurance was lovely!

Girl SAME. I love me some sweet hurt/comfort, so I'm very glad you liked it here too. 💗

oh I felt this 😕 comparison is the thief of joy indeed, but it’s haaard sometimes :’) I mean i’m glad that by now adult me has accepted and acknowledged metabolism differences...for the most part lmao. but it’s definitely taken a lot or time 🫠

Ooh I've missed hearing that turn of phrase! Such an elegant one, and appropriate here loll. I mean yes, I've accepted the metabolism thing too, but it doesn't stop me from envying the perpetually thin. 🤪

oh beau ❤️‍🩹 as wonderful as these all are I think beau’s was my favorite this time around 🫶🏽 it’s so easy to fall into routine and let time slip by :/

I thought this one would fit with Beau especially because he has so much responsibility on his shoulders, and more that which he puts on himself. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Honestly I think Beau was my favorite this time too to write. Maybe because I've been rewatching Big Sky season 3. 😝

it’s breaking mine too beau, fix it!😭 i wanted to give her a hug so bad lol. completely understandable where she’s coming from :(

Ooh he will! 😏 I'm honestly thinking of creating a full one-shot fic out of this one because I feel like I could've explored more with it.

girl same, call me olaf the way i’d melt for him 🤠 now where can I acquire a man like this 🫠 also that analogy, loveee love 🙂‍↕️🫶🏽

omg right?? I'd melt for this cowboy sheriff on sight. 🫠🫠

(and also thank you!! I struggled on the "breath of life" analogy, thinking it might be too cliche lol)

(I realized as i’m writing out this review, I may be a little biased because beau’s hc reminds me of the comforts of home 😅 I guess I have a thing for person a neglects person b non maliciously but has to make up for it too lolll <3)

Ooh yeah that's a super interesting parallel you noticed! Maybe I just have a thing for writing that trope? Non-malicious being the key word there. Oh, Sam (and oh Beau). 😩

meanwhile ben makes me laugh, he’s so direct lmfaoooo

YUP loll Ben doesn't mess around. (He doesn't have the patience.) 😂

like ben pleaseeee you did not have to add that ‘now’ 🤣

IKR? Like SIR. Pls. 😂✋🏽

and he’s so serious too 😭 such a romantic :p

loveeeee this, not just for the spice lol but how he didn’t go all stubborn macho man mode — while he’s not familiar with the new trends and he doesn’t think she needs to change anything, it’s sweet to see he’d be supportive of her regardless of what she chooses to do to make herself feel better — and I only say that due to his outdated mindset 😅💞

Oh yeah, I kind of surprised myself by writing that for his HC. I wondered if it verged on out of character, but I felt like he'd be like, "idc, do what you want, but I don't think you needa do a damn thing" -- type of deal. 😂💚

these headcanons were so wonderful <33 plus sized girly myself, I definitely understand the struggle with those negative thoughts & feelings that can really just take over randomly :/ soft and steamy reassurances sound like an absolute dream 💕🫠 these were so good lovely!🤍🫂

Aww my fellow plus-sized queen, thank you so much!! It's definitely hitting more lately for me. Since I've had some ongoing medical issues, I haven't been able to workout like I used to, so I've gained a bit more from what I'd lost. 🫠 But it's ok! Soon I'll be 100% and able to resume my routine while also not "starving myself" lmao. I'm so glad you enjoyed these admittedly self-indulgent HCs. 😘💕

Headcanon: Body Insecurity/Appreciation

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Reader, Beau Arlen x Reader, Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

AN: This one was requested by one of my lovely Patreon members, @roseblue373. 💜 It's a special one to me personally, being plus-sized myself and having gone through my share of insecurities. Wish I had one of these guys to make it better lol!~

Prompt/Request: Great job with the latest Dean/Beau/Ben reacts vignettes! I'd love to see one where reader has put on weight and isn't happy with their body, and how each would make her feel better!! IF the muse agrees, of course! ❤️

HC: How Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen and Soldier Boy (Ben) would react to your body insecurity.

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Established relationship, body insecurity (but also body appreciation), thicc thirty, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, spiciness/smuttishness.

Dean Winchester

You've started breezing past mirrors when you get out of the shower.

Because if you catch sight of your own reflection, you can't help but utter a sigh, your lips dipping into a frown.

In the privacy of the room you share with Dean in the bunker, you take a risk in unwrapping the towel from your body in front of the mirror.

You inspect yourself with growing dejection, noting all the places that are rounder, heavier, less firm than they used to be.

Looks like no amount of running down leads and killing monsters has been enough to keep you in shape.

Too much shitty fast food, too many times you indulged yourself with snacks and dessert alongside your foodie boyfriend.

"What'cha doin', sweetheart?" Dean asks. He steps into the room while wiping donut icing from the corner of his mouth.

Speak of the devil.

When Dean finally catches you frowning at yourself in the mirror, you inhale sharply and close the towel back up.

"Nothing. Just need to get dressed," you reply quickly. "Shower's open."

You try to offer him a smile, despite the pang of jealousy when you eye him.

He gave you the first chance at the shower after the latest case wrapped up, so he's still wearing most of his FBI suit, sans jacket. The white dress shirt is rolled up to his elbows, a few days of scruff neatly trimmed across his cheeks.

The man can cram an entire pizza down his gullet and wash it down with three slices of apple pie, not to mention countless beers. And still, Dean stays looking downright edible.

By comparison, you feel...fat. Like you've let yourself go.

You turn away from him to grab your well-worn sweatpants and an oversized shirt; you plan to change alone in the bathroom, but Dean grabs your arm.

"Who says you need to get dressed?" he says, popping his brows with a suggestive grin. He slips his arms around your waist, but your instinct is to shy away from his hold. You chuckle awkwardly and avoid his now curious gaze.

"Sorry, babe. Um...I'm wiped. I just want to get to bed," you say.

But Dean isn't fooled. His spidey sense is tingling, and his gut is almost never wrong.

His hand slides down your arm and grasps your hand, tugging you back into his arms. You utter a little gasp, but you ultimately smile at his familiar grin. There's a perceptive gleam in his eyes though.

"You know, seems like you've been pretty wiped lately," he says, raising a brow. "It's been a while since we, uh..."

He waggles his brows playfully, squeezing your hips. You want to smile, but you can't let yourself. You can't quite look at him either.

For Dean, it's another glaring red flag. His lips form a frown, and he dips his chin to find your eyes.

"Hey," he says. "What's goin' on? Talk to me."

His tone is so sincere, you have to blink against the sting of tears. Your lower lip wobbles, and Dean frowns in earnest. He presses a hand to your cheek and gets you to look at him with your watery eyes.

"Sweetheart, you gotta tell me what's wrong," he says, more gently, but serious.

Eventually, you're able to get it out. You can't bear the thought of him touching you, because lately, you can't even bear looking at yourself.

"I know I've been gaining weight, I just..." your voice breaks, and you gesture haphazardly at your body. "I'd get it if you're not really into this right now."

Dean's heart clenches. He's downright shocked at your confession, and more than a little disheartened. He presses a hand to your cheek and guides you to look at him.

"All right, hold up just one damn minute."

His calloused fingers gently brush away your tears, but his hands keep moving, slowly traveling down your body. They slide down your bare arms, skimming the sides of your breasts.

Your breath hitches. Your hand is still fisted over your beating heart, keeping your towel closed. His hands continue to move, molding to the curve of your waist over the fuzzy fabric.

"I'll admit, we've been pretty busy lately with everything we've got going on. But if you think that means I'm ever not into this delectable, sexy, voluptuous, goddess body you got rockin' the house?" he says, grinning that utterly Dean grin of his.

You bite your lip against a bubble of laughter. He's too fucking much sometimes.

Dean tugs you closer, until your hips fit snugly against his through his slacks. His tall, broad frame crowds you. His lips skim your cheek, then over your lips in a tease.

He squeezes the flesh of your hips, tender and sensuous.

Your heart flutters at the feeling.

"Mmm, I like you nice and soft," he murmurs against your cheek, close to your ear. "Feels that much better when I fuck you."

A small gasp gets trapped in your throat, while the gravel depths in his voice go straight to your pussy in a pulsing throb of warmth.

By the time he claims your lips in a devouring kiss, you're all too willing to let him peel your towel open, drop it to the floor, and guide you backwards onto the bed.

There he'll take his time, forging yet another mental map of every plush square inch of you.

Beau Arlen

Beau is a busy man. You understand that.

As Sheriff, his job demands a lot from him. He's also a father and has an ex-wife to contend with. (You knew that going in, and you've come to love Emily too.)

However, you can't help but start to take it personally when your sex life begins to suffer. He's often claimed being tired...but there's another suspicion that's been taking root in your mind, feeding your doubts and insecurities about how your boyfriend sees you, and about how you see yourself.

When you slip into bed at night, a kiss goodnight is all he gives you lately, before he's sighing deeply and closing his eyes, his soft snores soon filling the room.

One night, you try touching his shoulder, leaning in to kiss his bearded cheek. He hums at the pleasant feeling.

"You wanna...?" You trail the question in his ear, pressing more sweet kisses down his neck.

"Aw, sweetheart," he groans. "I'd like to, but I think I'd just smother you. I'm about to pass out."

You huff a laugh. You teasingly walk two fingers across his chest. "What if I make it easy for you?"

You shift onto your side. Resting a hand on his chest, you lean down to kiss him. He hums at the softness of it, but the more passion you try to imbue into each new kiss, Beau isn't as responsive as you would like. Eventually, you stop all together.

You frown, becoming disheartened. "You're not into this, I guess."

He opens his tired eyes, gazes up at you in apology. He opens his mouth to reply, but you beat him to it.

"You know it's been a month since we've had sex," you say.

Beau frowns, sliding a hand up your back. Only now does he notice, with appreciation, the familiar silky négligée you're wearing.

"Nah, that doesn't sound right," he says.

"Well, it is," you say. "I know you say you're tired, but I mean, you've had this job for as long as I've known you, Beau." Your eyes fall away from him. "So is the job, or...is it me?"

Beau's brows furrow. "Now wait a minute."

The mere thought dredges up what's been plaguing your mind recently, and it has your throat tightening. Tears of embarrassment and upset well up in your eyes, no matter how much you try to push it down.

You push away from him and turn away, crossing your arms. You try not to look at yourself in what used to be your favorite lingerie.

You can't stand the extra weight you've put on, mostly in your hips and ass, but in your middle and arms too.

You've gone through your own stress at work this year, with less and less time to try and take care of yourself, along with making sure Emily gets to and from school, cooking for the three of you, going to PTA meetings when Carla can't make it (since Beau often can't), and every other proverbial hat you wear.

Beau follows you, sitting up and laying a hand on your back. "Sweetheart--"

"I know I've put on a few. Hell, more than a few," you admit, hastily wiping under your eyes. "God, I can't even look at myself right now, let alone have you--"

"Hey. You stop right there," Beau says, more firmly. He gets you to turn around with his hand on your shoulder. He doesn't like the way you're curled in on yourself, as if hiding your body from his gaze.

That, and the sight of your tears damn well break his heart.

He cups the side of your face gently and presses a tender kiss to your forehead, followed closely by your lips.

You don't want to melt, but you just can't help it. You cling to the front of his shirt and lean into his kiss, like you've been lost in the desert, and his lips hold the breath of life.

You almost don't realize it when his arms slip around your waist. He earns a surprised yelp from you when he gathers you close against his chest and rolls you underneath him.

You land against the pillows in a huff. You stare up at his playful smile, his green eyes glinting with amusement, with fondness, and also with desire as they roam over your breasts, barely contained by dark green satin and lace.

"I've been neglecting you, haven't I?" he says. His voice is a low, earthy drawl as his gaze rakes over you. His big hand runs down your side and over your hip, then down your bare thigh, squeezing soft, tender flesh. He slips that hand under the satin night gown.

His hand can't span your entire thigh, but it's not for lack of trying. Your heart beats a staccato rhythm at the way he looks at you, your breath hitching when his thumb dips between your legs, brushing against the damp, silky fabric of your panties.

"It's not because I don't find you sexy as hell. Believe me, darlin', I do," he says. "You're so fuckin' beautiful, especially when you're all laid out for me here."

And he means what he says. You know it by the hardness you feel pressing against your hip. You slip your fingers into his hair with a sigh.

He bows his head to press kisses along your neck; down and down, he noses at the thin strap of your night gown. His path of kisses continue, and he indulges himself by dipping his tongue between the valley of your breasts.

"Filling out this lacy little thing so nice," he murmurs into your skin.

Your upset has turned to abject relief, but you still have to blink away the remaining urge to cry.

You let out a slightly tremulous breath.

"Oh, yeah?" you ask.

Beau pauses. He pulls away, just so he can look up and meet your eyes. He still finds insecurity in yours, so he meets you with a kiss filled with heat and intent.

He's now wide awake. He plans to take his sweet time taking you apart, inch by inch.

In fact, in the back of his mind, he also plans to do better about letting his deputies help him out more at the precint so he can have a better work-life balance.

(Because going a whole damn month without the taste of you is "no bueno," in his words.)

Soldier Boy (Ben)

The man may not be very patient, or particularly perceptive, but he's not an idiot.

At least, not about sex.

He knows that you've been feigning tiredness, and generally avoiding his touch.

What's strange is that you haven't been avoiding him. You still cook for him, still share conversation with him, still insist on having him spoon you on the couch while catching him up on the past four decades of TV shows and movies.

But when he begins to sneak a hand under your oversized shirt (an old one of Ben's), caressing your hip, then dipping down to your softer stomach on the way to your panties, breaking your concentration from the movie as unease laces down your spine.

You grab his wrist on reflex, instead lacing your fingers together.

"What's the matter now?" he asks.

You look over your shoulder at him and find him frowning at you, a divot between his brows. You don't manage to hold his gaze for long.

"Sorry," you say quietly. "I'm just, um, tired."

Ben doesn't believe you, and he's direct when he calls you out on it.

Reluctant to put what you've been feeling into words, you pause the movie and leave the couch (and him) behind.

Ben is annoyed enough to follow you (and underneath, he hides an edge of concern). The conflict leads into the bedroom, where you're still unwilling to open up.

He finally stops you from walking away from him, pinning you against the dresser by your hips. He practically looms over you as he demands an answer. He knows you're hiding something — something that's had you reluctant to let him touch you.

"Is there something you wanna tell me?" he says, a raw edge of warning in his tone. "What, are you fucking somebody else?"

Shock flashes in your eyes, making you angry. "What? No!"

"Well, you seem to be getting your fill somewhere, and it hasn't been from me--"

"Are you fucking serious? I'm not..." Your lips purse. You're actually hurt that he would hurl that accusation your way--and it couldn't be farther from the truth.

You tug your long shirt downwards and cross your arms, but it's more like you're hugging yourself, shielding your body away.

Ben's brows furrow a little bit more.

Eventually you get it out; you haven't been feeling up to being intimate because you're having a hard time even looking at yourself lately.

"I know I need to, um, get back in shape," you say, taking in a shaky breath to try and steady yourself. Your throat constricts, the beginnings of tears stinging your eyes. You want to look at anywhere but at Ben. "I just haven't had much time, with everything going on. But Annie gave me this guide on some different diets, like intermittent fasting, Keto--"

"Fasting," Ben intones. "What, you wanna fucking starve yourself? What the fuck is Keto?"

You sigh, barely resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

"No, not starve myself. And Keto's just..." The idea of trying to explain the new diet craze to your boyfriend is too daunting a task to consider. "Never mind. The point is, I have a plan. My hips, my thighs, my ass--"

Ben squeezes your hips at the mention of them. He happens to like the softness.

"Yeah, you've got a little extra. So fucking what?" he says, his voice deep and exacting as his gaze roams over your body. "Just gives me more to hold onto when I'm fucking you."

You utter a shocked laugh. "Ben!"

He grins lazily, and he turns you this way and that, admiring you from all angles. In his eyes, he doesn't find a side he doesn't like. You can't help but blush hotly under his gaze.

"Sweetheart, do whatever you want if it makes you feel good. But you don't need to starve yourself." His hands move to your ass, squeezing a bit harder on the plush flesh.

A yelp escapes you; he's pressing into you from the front as well, and you feel him heavy and already half-hard against you. You grab onto his arms for stability as your breaths quicken.

His attitude kind of surprises you, even though it soothes the frayed, insecure part of your soul that wants to be as beautiful and attractive in his eyes as he is in yours.

Ben is literally a super soldier. You're actually kind of jealous. The man can drug and booze hard and eat whatever the hell he wants, but his super metabolism just seems to absorb it into his washboard abs.

(The more you think about it, the more you want to smack him.)

Nothing about him isn't hard and lean, muscle and strength.

Only his hands have a measure of gentleless when they're holding you like this.

"I've just got so many stretch marks now," you begin to complain, in an emotional whisper.

He snorts. "And? You think it's anything I haven't seen? I'm not afraid of a little cellulite either."

At that, your head tilts in consideration. Butcher's Granny Fucker remark comes to mind. You bite your lip against a smirk.

Ben crooks a curled finger under your chin. He guides you to meet his eyes, before he lures you into a lusty kiss.

It's somewhat rough because of his beard, but you still smile afterwards, leaning against him now.

"Ain't nothing about you that I can't handle," he adds, all smirking and cocky. To prove his point, he hooks those strong hands behind your thighs and lifts you onto the dresser.

You gasp and cling to his shoulders. From there, he makes quick work of ridding the oversized shirt from your body, revealing you to the cool air and his hot gaze.

You take his face in your hands and bring him in for an even steamier kiss, your heart lighter and trembling with anticipation.

You've held yourself from him long enough, Ben thinks, and he has every intention of devouring you right on your old dresser -- before you two even get to the bed.

AN: 😮‍💨 I feel like each of these could've been even longer with their own one-shot loll. I wrote the Midnight Espresso-verse for Dean, partially to explore what his relationship would be like with a plus-sized reader. 💖💖

Let me know which one you liked most this time!

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[ckret2]

Pardon me, however, have you ever considered getting help on WAIGLZ or any other fic of yours? Such as a ghost writer or someone to help you with art so it can get done faster?

I am just curious because I thought it would be really coolio to work with you or something, idk.

Please have a truly wonderful day/evening and toodaloo! ^ ^

+ Btw, if I sound rude at all, that is %100 not intentional tone is kind of hard to translate through text lol

I appreciate that the question is meant kindly; but why would I want somebody else to tell my story for me?

It might not make a difference to an audience member; y'all simply just wanna see the rest of the story, it doesn't make a difference who made it because from the consumer's end it still reads the same.

But it makes a hell of a lot of difference to the writer.

If i wanted a ghostwriter I could just chuck my outline into chatgpt. it would be just as good—which is to say it would be very bad—because in both cases it'd be written by someone/something that doesn't intimately understand the vast web of ideas the story's built on and the hundreds of tiny tiny goals I'm looking for places to thread into the story and the exact themes I'm trying to achieve and exactly where and how I want to make it funny and make it heartwarming and make it hurt; and in both cases I'd have to rip the product apart and edit it to sound like the story i'm trying to tell rather than sound like a 40% accurate retelling of my story that was based off of a barebones summarization.

Like, how many times have you seen Gravity Falls? Probably at least once or twice? If you sat down with an episode summary—only the summary, not the transcript or gallery—and tried to rewrite the script word-for-word and redraw the episode shot-for-shot, do you think you could get every word and every angle right? And you've already seen the episode! You remember the finished product! Imagine trying to guess at all that based off of the summary alone if you'd never seen it before!

So now instead of writing my own story i'm merely editing SOMEONE ELSE telling a water-downed version of my story. It takes me just as long if not longer; and on top of that there's no joy in it.

And if that's what i wanted to do with my life... at least shoving it in chatgpt would get me a first draft to edit faster.

as for art: about a decade ago i was writing/drawing a fancomic and tried to split it with friends so i was writing and they were drawing. it slowed down the whole thing immensely. took 4x longer to get art than doing it myself would've taken.

At the time, I updated multiple times a week (my art was worse then lol); and when I asked someone else to do art I had to keep choosing between:

delaying my next post for days while patiently waiting for a friend, with no guarantee they'd actually finish;

impatiently waiting and trying to find a way to politely repeatedly pester them about finishing the art; or

give up on waiting and do the art myself, which would hurt them deeply, especially if they'd already started it and I just went "nah you're too slow, I'll do it myself."

The thing is, I put my passion project ahead of my other hobbies. Why would somebody else put my passion project ahead of their own hobbies? It would be unfair and unkind for me to ask somebody to do that; but I'm not willing to slow down and wait for somebody to do some art for me when it's finally convenient for them; so therefore I'd better do my own art.

[himluv]

It's morning, and I'm still in bed, having pre-coffee thinky thoughts. Mainly about Veilguard lol.

I'm thinking about why I haven't talked about Solavellan in datv much yet. This blog has become an almost exclusively Lucanis Dellamorte blog these past few months 😂. But, I've been obsessed with Solavellan for 10 years. They are my otp. Soooo what's going on?

Under the cut because length and SPOILERS.

1. I genuinely haven't fully processed the Solavellan ending yet. I've done it twice and I sobbed both times and it hurts SO GOOD. But I still feel like I haven't let it get all the way in yet. I'm keeping it at arm's length just a little bit because... Ow.

2. I'm mad at Solas. We see him at his worst in datv. It's been a decade of solitude and desperation and he is wearing that Fen'Harel mask non-stop. He's lost sight of himself (if he ever had a good grip on the concept in modern times). And... I didn't really understand just how much I loved Varric until this game. Because, now I can't see fanart of him without tearing up. I can't play datv without crying over him. And while that also hurts SO GOOD (and I love tragedies), I also cannot forgive Solas for killing Varric and then LYING about it and USING Varric's memory against Rook. Like... I have a lot to unpack there but it feels unforgivable to me.

3. But, how I feel and how Riallan Lavellan feels are two different things. She loves him still, after everything. Not to say they won't have some very big serious talks in the Fade and that she isn't mad at him, but she ultimately does forgive him. And, so there's a gap between me and Ria at the moment that's going to take time for me to process before I can start writing them again (I very much want to write them again).

4. I love my Rook, Embria Aldwir. Like, so so much. And I LOVE Riallan, but she's much more removed from me and my personality than Embria is. When I play DA games for the very first time I usually play as/for myself, then make a second character to RP and actually establish my canon. But... in datv, Embria hit all the right boxes and notes. My first run felt like canon and I have latched onto this girly harder than ANY of my previous DA ocs. I can't wait to explore in fic how Embria and Riallan's paths cross and what their relationship becomes, but I'm not there yet. I'm still cooking.

4. My biggest reason for not yapping more about Solavellan is that... The fandom around Solas has become incredibly toxic and almost... Invasive. Like, I love him and love seeing gorgeous art of him and Lavellan, but also... The takes are frequently bad and the body swap mods are getting egregious (like c'mon, he would not do that and you know it). I know this is a personal squick, but for me, anything that feels that disingenuous to the character is a complete turn off. Seeing him do things he would. not. do. makes me wonder if people even actually like him? Or just some weird version they've cooked up in their mind these past 10 years. Idk, I'm just seeing a lot of stuff in Solavellan spaces that is actually making me like Solas less, because of how fans treat him AND other fans. Which... Sucks. So, I'm trying to preserve MY Solavellan, my beloved, tender, tragic otp, and to do that I can't really participate in fandom about them. At least, not right now when everything is fresh and feverish.

So, yeah. That's where my head is at re: Solavellan. I love them. I just have a lot of complicated feelings about them right now. So I'm gonna keep playing and learning with Lucanis and Embria. Don't be surprised if I come out of nowhere with a giant fic involving all of them in like, five years (I didn't start writing Solavellan until 2019, even though I shipped them right after DAI released).

And, if you made it this far and also enjoy tender, tragic Solavellan, I have a fic to give you:

Inevitable

It's complete, and follows Riallan and Solas from the very beginning, to just after Trespasser. Canon-compliant, in-between moments with eventual smut.

It is the fic of my heart. I spent the better part of four years writing it and sobbed when it was done. Please read it if it sounds like your jam.

And of course, it comes with a playlist. Enjoy!

[annafayeink]

Canvas of Lies

summary: Cate’s life is a careful balance of paint-splattered sweaters, rejection emails, and dreams too big to fit in her tiny apartment. Lu’s life is all charm, designer sneakers, and family obligations that come with impossible expectations. They’re best friends, polar opposites—and suddenly fake dating to help Lu survive a high-stakes family dinner. What starts as an improvised act becomes a whirlwind of tangled stories, unspoken truths, and moments that blur the line between pretend and reality. In the chaos of lies they craft together, Cate and Lu might just uncover the truths they’ve been avoiding all along.

warnings & tags: best friends to lovers; fake dating; mutual pining; slow burn; emotional hurt/comfort; fluff, angst & humor; eventual romance & smut;

Chapter Two

Lu leaned against the counter, absently playing with a baguette like a philosopher pondering the mysteries of life. “You know, the key to a convincing lie is to anchor it in truth.”

“Is that so?” I lifted an eyebrow at him, crossing my arms.

“Absolutely,” he replied, unflinching, dipping into the professorial voice he reserved for when he was lecturing someone. “It's basic psychology. People are more likely to believe a lie if it's anchored in something real. That's why we should stick to things we know—places we visit often, mutual friends, things we've both experienced in some way. It makes the story feel lived-in. Plausible.”

“I'll take your word for it, Professor Mangione.” I bit back a grin. “You seem disturbingly good at lying. Should I be worried?”

“I've read my fair share of books on human behaviour.” Lu smirked, picking up the baguette before resuming his pacing like a man on a mission.

“Remind me never to play poker with you.”

He chuckled. “Truth is, lying is not much different from storytelling. The same principles apply. Every great story needs a consistent internal logic. If we’re going to make this convincing, we need to think like writers.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t deny that his point made sense. “Fine, O Wise One. How do we make our fake relationship Pulitzer-worthy?”

“Glad you asked.” Suddenly animated, he gestured wildly with the baguette as he spoke. “People believe what feels authentic. If our story has details that are too perfect or too rehearsed, it'll fall apart. People will start picking at them—”

“Like a loose thread on a sweater, yeah.”

“But if it's imperfect, unpredictable, and grounded in who we are… then it works.”

“I can do imperfect,” I say. “My life is one big ball of entropy.”

“Exactly,” Lu grinned like I'd just proven his point. “If we lean into that, sprinkle in a few real moments—your terrible dancing, my savior complex—we’ll be untouchable.”

“Terrible dancing?” I repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“You're right,” he replied with mock seriousness. “That was unfair. ‘’Terrible’ doesn't quite capture it.”

I threw a balled-up napkin at him, laughing despite myself.

“We will need to set some rules,” he declared, jabbing the bread in my direction for emphasis. “Without rules, things get messy.”

“Messy? Like crumbs on my floor?” I flicked a stray flake from the croissant he’d brought over earlier, trying to keep a straight face.

Lu shot me a sharp look and placed the baguette on the counter again. “I’m serious. If we're not convincing enough, my mother will sniff out the truth faster than you can say ‘respectable’.”

I couldn't imagine what his mother would do if she found out we were faking it. I'm guessing it would probably involve shame, a string of painfully awkward family dinners for him and absolute social suicide for me.

“And what happens if she does?” I asked, arching a brow. “What’s the worst-case scenario here, Lu? You get disowned and have to slum it with the rest of us peasants?”

His smile faltered, just for a fraction of a second, but long enough for me to notice the way his shoulders stiffened. A tiny pang of guilt pierced my heart. I’d only meant to tease, but something about his expression made me wonder if there was more truth to my words than I realized. The smirk that followed was smooth, almost too smooth, like a patch slapped over something cracked.

“Actually, worst-case scenario, she tries to set me up with someone like…” He grimaced comically. “Anastasia Ricci.”

That made me wince instinctively. Everyone knew about Anastasia Ricci. From what I’d heard, she collected red flags like they were limited-edition handbags. “Fair point. Let’s avoid that.”

“So,” he clapped his hands, the motion as confident as if he were running a boardroom meeting instead of scheming in my tiny apartment. “Shall we build our magnum opus of fake love?”

I snorted, grabbing a notebook from my desk. I couldn't decide if his ability to spin convincing lies so effortlessly was impressive or just a little unnerving. I decided I wasn't ready to find out, so I leaned into humor instead. “If this ends up being more work than my actual relationships, I’m charging you for my time.”

While I wrote Fake-relationship Commandments in all captions at the top of the page, Lu plopped down on the couch next to me.

When he took a peak at the notebook, he laughed that easy, confident laugh of his. “Okay.” Rule number one: no going off-script.”

First commandment: thou shalt not improvise, I wrote.

“If the details don't align, people start asking questions,” he continued. “Questions lead to scrutiny. Scrutiny leads to exposure. We have to commit to it completely, because it is confidence that sells the story. Act like you belong in the lie, and most people won't even think to question it.”

“The more real it feels to us, the harder it is for anyone else to see through,” I agreed. “So, what's the timeline here?”

He thought for a moment. “If anyone asks, we’ve been dating for six months.”

“Six months?” I frowned. “Why not three? It’s more believable.”

“I think three is too short. Six gives us enough time to seem serious but not so long that people wonder why they haven’t met you before.”

I sighed, conceding with a small shrug. “Fine. Six months. How did we meet?”

He grinned with a familiar mischievous glint in his eye. “Obviously, I saw you painting one of your masterpieces in the park and was so captivated I tripped over a bench trying to talk to you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Please. If anyone was tripping, it’d be me. Over my own feet.”

“Okay, fine.” He laughed again, the sound warm and unguarded. “How about we met through a mutual friend? Chelsea, maybe? She’s always dragging people to those weird wine-and-paint nights.”

“That works,” I said, nodding and scribbling.

“We also need specific touchpoints—milestones,” Lu said, his tone growing more thoughtful. “A first date, for example. Something cute and memorable we can refer to in conversation. Something that sounds like… us.”

I tapped my pen against the notebook, thinking. “Obviously, I dragged you with me to my favorite art gallery.”

“Yeah,” he said immediately, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “The one on Main.”

I froze, my pen hovering just above the page. “You… you remember that?” I asked, looking up at him, thinking about the dozens of galleries I hauled him through over the years and wondering how on Earth he remembered which one I preferred.

His gaze was steady, the kind of look that felt like it could see right through me. “I actually listen when you talk, Cate.”

The way he said it—so matter-of-fact yet filled with a quiet sincerity—caught me off guard. Warmth spread through my chest, rising to my cheeks as if the room had suddenly been plunged into a furnace. My throat felt tight, and I forced my focus back to the notebook, pretending to be absorbed in jotting down the details.

“Okay,” I said, my voice quieter than I intended, betraying the flutter in my chest. “What’s the next rule?”

Lu leaned back against the couch cushions, crossing his arms as he considered. “Rule number two: no overcomplicating things. The simpler the story, the easier it is to stick to. If we try to make it too elaborate, we’ll trip ourselves up.”

I raised an eyebrow, still jotting notes. Second commandment: keep it stupid simple. “That’s ironic coming from you. Your entire life is one big overcomplication.”

“Fair,” he admitted with a smirk. “But this is different. We’re not building a soap opera here, we’re creating a believable romance. Keep it straightforward—dates, conversations, little quirks about each other. No crazy exes, no dramatic love triangles.”

“Sounds good,” I said. “What about PDA?”

He tilted his head, thoughtful. “Hmm. Let’s keep it natural. Enough to sell the story, but nothing over the top. We’re supposed to look comfortable, not like we’re trying out for a rom-com.”

“So no making out in front of your mom,” I deadpanned.

Lu barked a laugh, the sound sharp and carefree, but then something shifted. “Definitely no making out in front of my mom. But…” His voice dipped just slightly, quieter now, and his gaze flicked to my lips, lingering there for a breath longer than necessary. When his eyes met mine again, the teasing glint was gone. “There has to be chemistry. That’s non-negotiable.”

I froze, caught in the weight of his words—and the weight of his gaze. For a second, I couldn’t tell if he was still talking about the plan or if we’d wandered into something else entirely.

“Obviously,” I managed, my throat dry. I forced a small laugh that didn’t quite land. “If we don’t look convincing, we might as well call the whole thing off now.”

The air between us shifted, thickening like a storm cloud waiting to break. My pen hovered over the notebook, but I couldn’t make myself look away. Did he feel it too? Or was I just making things weird, overthinking the logistics of playing pretend? Maybe it was just the idea of kissing my best friend that had me spiraling.

“Holding hands? Sure,” he said finally, breaking the spell as he leaned back against the couch, his tone lighter now. “An arm around your shoulders? No problem. But…” He shrugged, an easy smile creeping back onto his face. “Anything beyond that, and we’re venturing into uncomfortable territory—for both of us.”

My chest tightened at his words, an ache I couldn’t quite name settling in. “Yeah,” I said lightly, nodding as I wrote it down. “We don’t want that.”

Third commandment: Minimal touchy-feely.

When I glanced up again, he was grinning at me, his usual charm back in full force, the moment slipping away like sand through my fingers. I let it go, choosing to believe the slight tremble in my hand was from the coffee I hadn’t had that morning.

“Any other rules?”

“Yeah,” he said, his expression more serious now. “We need to keep this between us. No one else can know it’s fake—not Chelsea, not your nosy neighbour, not even the barista at that coffee shop you love. The fewer people who know, the lower the risk of it getting back to my family.”

“Agreed,” I said, writing it down. Fourth commandment: Loose lips sink fake ships.

He leaned forward again and reached out to touch my shoulder. “Just… trust me, okay? If things get weird or someone starts digging too deep, I’ll handle it. You just have to trust that I’ve got your back.”

The sincerity in his tone caught me off guard. He made it all sound so simple, but I couldn't shake the feeling that pretending to be his girlfriend might be the most dangerous thing I'd ever agreed to. I hesitated, but eventually nodded. “Okay. I trust you.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Alright! What’s missing? Oh—how about our favorite shared memory? You know someone’s going to ask about that.”

I snorted. “I don’t know, Lu. Do you have a favorite memory of me?”

He thought for a moment. “Yeah, I’ve got one. Remember that time we went to the beach and a seagull stole my sandwich? You nearly died laughing.”

I burst out laughing at the memory. The smell of salt and sunscreen was still as sharp as if it had been yesterday; Lu glaring at the seagull with the sandwich dangling from its beak and me laughing so hard I could barely breathe. “That’s actually perfect. Let’s go with that.”

He grinned. “See? We’re naturals at this.”

“Don’t get cocky,” I warned, though I couldn’t help smiling as I wrote it down. “Okay, last thing: our couple’s song. Suggestions?”

He groaned. “Ugh. Can’t we skip that? It feels so fake.”

“Everything about this is fake, genius. Just pick something.”

We spent the next fifteen minutes arguing over options, vetoing anything too obvious or cliché. Finally, we settled on a random indie song he’d shown me once and neither of us could stop humming for the next seven to ten business days.

“Alright,” I said, closing the notebook with a flourish. “Fake-relationship Commandments complete. Is there anything else you need to cover?”

Lu leaned back, a satisfied grin on his face. “Nope. We’re ready to moonlight as con artists.”

He made it all sound so easy, like slipping into a role was second nature to him. But something about the way he looked at me—so steady, so sure—made me feel like maybe I could pull it off without actually tripping over my own feet.

I rolled my eyes, but the warmth of his smile was contagious. “Let’s just hope this doesn’t end in disaster.”

“It won’t,” he said confidently. “Trust me, Cate. We’ve got this.”

___

For the tag list, click here ✨

@mrsmangione286 | @nosebeers

[yuikomorii]

Hello! girl, sorry for asking so many questions! but I really like how admin responds! *-*

Well I have always read the routes, games, etc. So from a more objective point of view... Do you think Ayato is, how to put it, sexist? misogynist? or any of the diaboy?

Somehow I've thought about it that way, and I know they're fictional characters and all! but I would really like to talk about it, since I always believed that the way they treated Yui was not specifically because she was a woman, but because she was human (her literal food).

I know it probably doesn't make much sense to say it like that, or maybe in Japanese anime/fandom are that type of character normal? I wouldn't want to say anything wrong!

(I ask you because although I don't care much about that aspect as I say, it is a psychological horror and FANTASY game)

but I usually see fans putting these types of videos; and always talking about how sexist/misogynistic Ayato is with yui, so I usually find myself conflicted? I hope you understand my question!

// Honestly, I think all the Diaboys exhibit some level of sexism and misogyny simply because they’re men who were abused by women, lol. For example, there’s a scene in Subaru’s route that highlights this, and I’m pretty sure his brothers would agree with him to some extent. The idea expressed is essentially that women should be grateful to men for impregnating them since it allows the continuation of the species.

Hah? What are you talking about? If men weren't lewd, you humans would be wiped out in a heartbeat.

Sexism is quite prevalent in Japan, largely due to societal norms, but many Japanese women don’t necessarily mind it because they find comfort in traditional roles. For instance, being a 主婦 (full-time housewife) is highly respected in Japan and not looked down upon. In contrast, in the West, women who aspire to be housewives are often mocked or viewed with irony, as if they’re not “strong and independent” enough, which isn’t fair. Of course, there are Japanese women who aim for gender equality and have different ambitions, but they also acknowledge that such progress won’t happen overnight.

As for Ayato, I don’t think he’s that bad in this regard. He doesn’t dislike women or believe men are superior. In fact, in his routes, he often praises Yui when she’s capable of doing something he isn’t, so it’s clear he doesn’t see women as less skilled or useful than men.

Credit to dialovers-translations

Yes, there are some flat-chested and sex appeal jokes here and there, but aside from those, he hasn’t said anything particularly degrading or problematic when it comes to women.

I wouldn’t pay much attention to the TikTok DL fandom. It’s mostly made up of younger or less mature individuals who often struggle to understand the nuances of these characters. He’s still the most successful character, so don’t mind them.

[weveseenallthegreenery]

Mel Medarda seeks out Viktor after discovering her arcane talents — Filler Smut

I was originally contemplating having this part be an archive of our own exclusive considering it has a different tone from the rest of the story and doesn't contribute much of anything to the plot, but my friend convinced me that you FREAKS would probably like it since most of you don't read the fic in order anyway.

nsfw | filler content | 1438 words | light smut | shortfic | basically not edited | won't be linking the rest of the series on this post

A few days ended up turning into a few weeks, and I could tell that Jayce fell into the same trap that I did. I had come here for comfort and ended up liking the interaction so much that I couldn’t leave. Jayce had come here to do something uncomfortable and ended up not being able to do it because he knew that the people around him loved him. He hadn’t intended to stay long but ended up falling into routine with us, the same way that I had when it was only Viktor and me.

The three of us had even started to sleep in bed together. Before now, Viktor would occasionally cuddle me if one of us was in a bad mood. He initiated affection often when I was tired or uncomfortable, but other than that, he wasn’t much of a cuddler at all. However, ever since Jayce came, we had all been inseparable. Jayce usually slept in the middle—sometimes swapping with me—and held onto Viktor as I held onto him. It was nice. It was comfortable. It did, unfortunately, remind me of our old trysts, though.

This was one of those days that I had woken up before the others. It didn’t happen often as Viktor would usually rise early to finish a lot of the simpler chores and make sure that we had enough food for breakfast. However, I was grateful for when it did happen because I got to look at the two men next to me and just… think about the situation I was in. I had found out some of the most horrible, traumatizing information about myself after being kidnapped. I ran away to find the only person who could understand me. I told off my mother. And then my ex-lover had found his way to us and joined us in our little community.

Things had come about in a rather awful way, but I couldn’t say that I wasn’t content with the way things were going. I really liked being reconnected with Jayce. He and I ended on the wrong foot, but I never truly stopped caring about him—I cared about him a little too much, actually. And I wasn’t quite sure if his decision to stay was a testament to his still having affection for me or his liking for Viktor. I feared that it may have been the latter, but I didn’t mind.

I had also started to feel myself become drawn to Viktor. I had realized this before Jayce joined us at the commune, but the feelings definitely became more potent after watching the man I had grown to be affectionate with caress the man that I had bedded in the past. Although the interaction was never anything but wholesome, it made a pool of warmth fill my gut.

I’d been left wanting a lot lately, not having much time to myself. Although I was still in bed with the others, I figured that maybe it would be okay just this once, since they were asleep and all. I held my hand in front of my face, wondering if I should really go through with what I was thinking… My nails had gotten quite long since coming to the commune, and the color was starting to chip. I would have to ask Viktor to get my nails done when he woke up.

I slipped my hand under the blanket, trailing it down my stomach before reaching the hem of my shorts. I played with the fabric, still a bit nervous about my actions. I used my other hand to tug my shorts down a bit, making them feel less tight on my stomach before slipping my other hand under my shorts and into my panties. I couldn’t help but make a small noise of discomfort as I found my clit effortlessly, rubbing in a slow circle as I attempted to get myself off.

I knew that it would be difficult for me to cum without anything inside of me, but I didn’t have any toys at the commune and my nails were so sharp that I worried I might cut myself. This just had to do for now. It didn’t take very long for me to get wet, making it much easier for me to glide my fingers along the skin. It started to feel much more comfortable as I sped up, breath hitching as I tried not to move closer to either of the men—of course, this was the one time they had decided to let me sleep in the middle. I was two seconds away from release where I felt a thin arm wrap around my stomach under the cover and grab my arm. I halted my movement as Viktor hummed, “What’re you doing?”

I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I couldn’t breathe as the heat rose all the way from my core to my face. This was possibly the most embarrassing thing I’d ever experienced in my life as I attempted to roll over so that I was facing The Herald.

“Don’t you know it’s not polite to touch yourself next to someone’s sleeping body?” The man raised an eyebrow at me, but he didn’t actually look all that mad. In fact, he looked almost amused to have caught me. His voice was low and teasing as he hummed, “You weren’t even hiding it well. You were moving your hand so fast that your whole body was practically squirming.”

“Well, not all of us are able to go months without release,” I huffed, trying to get my hand out of my pants, but Viktor pushed it back.

He hummed and closed his eyes, “Don’t stop on my account. By all means, do whatever you need to do.”

“You are not asking me to masturbate in front of you,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, tugging on my hand once more. He didn’t fight it this time, clearly not wanting to make me uncomfortable despite the playful banter.

“Unless you want my help…” He started.

That’s all it took for everything to snap into place. Less than five minutes after he uttered those words, he was on top of me, kissing my neck as I tried not to moan. He had completely taken off my shorts and panties, fingers moving inside of me with ungodly precision. I dug my fingers into his back, “Fuck… you’re gonna wake up Jayce. Slow down a little.”

“Hmm, maybe we should wake him up,” Viktor mumbled against my skin. “You didn’t seem to mind playing with yourself next to him, so what’s the difference if I help you out a little bit?”

My eyes rolled as his fingers sped up, pressure building up in all the right places, “Viktor—Stop, I’m gonna…”

I gasped, legs spasming as I came around his fingers. A string of moans left my lips as he rode me through my orgasm. I was trying to be quiet, but it was practically impossible at this point. I wasn’t surprised when Jayce’s eyes opened.

At first, he was just tired and confused about what all the noise was for. He rolled over and tried to wrap his arms around my stomach before he realized there was an extra body on mine. After a little bit of grumbling, his eyes widened. He was fully awake almost as soon as he realized what happened. He sat up quickly and asked, “What the fuck?”

“Good morning,” I hesitated. I felt so floaty and calm but knew the situation was bad. “Sorry.”

He frowned down at me before staring at Viktor with narrowed eyes, “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You’ve already slept with her,” Viktor shrugged. “Besides, she was being all needy… it was probably best to give it to her right away.”

Jayce huffed and laid his head on my shoulder, “You didn’t have to leave me out…”

“I can make it up to you later,” Viktor rolled off of me, laying his head on my other shoulder as he moved his slick hand to Jayce’s bicep. “You know you’re not mad at me. Not really.”

Jayce leaned over me to place a gentle kiss to Viktor’s mouth—which was the first time, to my knowledge, that they were physically involved. Viktor didn't hesitate to deepen the kiss almost immediately. A moan escaped Jayce’s mouth as Viktor reached his hand to the other side of the bed to grab Jayce’s ass, pulling him close to my side and forcing me to feel his morning wood press against my skin. This was going to be a long morning.

[salda4]

A Starry night

I approached Her.

One hundred and twelfth bloom, I had a hard time remembering how to pronounce Her ancient and alien name, fortunetly for me She let's me call Her Daisy. A being of such age just sitting at a table in a cafee.

'Is something wrong little one?' She asked, as if Her presence here wasn't so out of place for me.

'Nothing Miss Daisy' I responded, hoping i kept a straight face.

She showed me to take a seat next to Her on a Affini-sized couch. I still had no idea what She would want from a girl like me, just a boring, normal, mortal person.

I still took the seat nonetheless, talking with Her was always interesting and I couldn't miss out talking to someone so fascinating.

'How was your week?' I started with a safe question.

'Nothing special, at least nothing more special than you here petal. So let's talk about the most interesting thing that has happened this week and what is on said "thing's" mind. I see something is bothering you and has been so for our last few meetings.'

I just sat there frozen with her 6 mesmerising eyes piercing through me. I had no idea how to bring up how insignificant I felt next to Her.

I did not want to mention how hard it was to adjust to the idea of no more capitalism, how it all felt so foreign and I wanted to cry. It was not bad by any mean, I just had a hard time adjusting and it was all my fault and i shouldn't concern Her with such banalities.

I jumped as I felt a vine poking at my arm and then going inside of it.

'Pardon me, I seem to have asked a hard question causing you some unnecessary anxiety. I hope you do not mind some class-E and very mild class-D to help you talk.

I was scared of what was about to come out of my mouth, I did give Her permission to administer me xenodrugs just in case but I never expected class-D.

'Just you are so old, not like it is bad or anything but my mind just thinks it is weird you even notice a dumb girl like me also ever since the Affini arrived everything has been changing and it is so much. Suddenly it is okay to wear a collar in public and even though I always wanted that I just can't get myself to do it because I am still scared people will look weird at me. Please make it stop, please.'

I stopped as soon as i felt her administer something to neutralise class-D in me. I stared at my hands just wanting to cry and expecting her to do, I don't know, something. Something bad must happen, it always does when I open up, parents hated me for that, some friends did too, now Her.

Instead I felt a warm embrace.

'It is okay little one, you are absolutely not dumb and I am deeply sorry for making you speak what you think like that. I however belive it was necessery for you to say it out loud and I am glad I could hear it, that way I may help you. In the meantime would you like to order something warm to drink while you recover?'

I just silently nodded.

After some time i have noticed what a beautiful night it was. I hang on to the one familiar thing I could see, the stars. I always liked watching them I could always count on them, recognising constellations above made me feel calmer. I finally got a nice lukewarm tea, just the way I liked it. Another thing to ground me and calm me down.

'Do you remember the first time you saw the stars?' I asked after what felt like an eternity.

'Of course I do.' She responded with that gentle voice of Hers.

'How different was it from the one here?'

'Unimaginably so.'

'You must miss it' I knew I would.

'To be true with you my dear, I don't. If that sky stayed with me for all my blooms I would not have taken florets, I would have not helped so many cuties like you. I am aware change is scary, especially for your species,from my observations, however it is also natural. The world around you will change, sophonts you meet will change, the sky will change, you will change but it is for the better. Standing in place doesn't get anyone anything. Even if some things don't seem to ever fully change, sometimes you will meet old friends and it will be as if not a day has passed. You will find a few thing that will stay somewhat the same, the way you like tea, what your favaurite genre of books is, ones your heart belongs to.

Although a lot will be diffrent and you must remember that. Some sophonts need help with accepting that truth of the ever changing universe, others realise it on their own. Once you realise you can change and leave things behind you can be fully yourself. You can be free from what everyone thought you should be, break out of that rigid idea.

For instance, becoming a floret is about accepting that change, you put all the terrible things behind yourself and can begin being your best self . Tonight you are an independent, but who knows about tomorrow?

I may have a new pet to talk about the stars with.

We will see, won't we petal?'

I for once looked happily towards the future, knowing that tomorrow I I would be Hers forever.

[dollyyun]

hi do you accept constructive criticism?? like, I don't wish to be rude, but I just wanted to point something out:

(please keep in mind that all of this is my personal opinion as a reader)

I noticed while reading that you use a lot of fancy words. while the words do accentuate your writing, i personally feel like you overdo them a little. i have a very short attention span, so I find it harder to read all the words and register their meanings. this causes my brain to skip past most of the said words—which in turn causes me to not be able to grasp the full text.

basically, this is from me personally, and you can ignore this—could you perhaps, use simpler language?? I really love your stories, and the way you write, just minus the extremely fancy language. English isn't my first language, so that just makes it even harder to understand :(

I'm sorry if this sounds rude by any means, I swear it wasn't meant to be so 🙏🏻

i hope you don’t take this the wrong way anon, and i know you don’t have any ill-intention. this is also to the people who feel the same way as anon about my works in general.

frankly speaking, i don’t take constructive criticism. i understand constructive criticism helps writers to improve in their writing and et cetera, but i’m actually not gonna make any changes to my writing. plus, i intend to explore different writing styles in my other works, especially with fantasy themes, and that includes more fancier words.

english is not my first language, but my vocab has expanded due to reading other books and the fact that i often need to write essays so those fancy words in my works came to my mind naturally and this is not to say that i’m glazing myself, but compared to the newbie writer i was in the very beginning with lacking in vocabs, i feel proud of myself for the improvement in my writing now :)

in short, i don’t care if i’m overdo-ing with the fancy vocabs or how horrible my writing is, because at the end of the day, i’m only a fanfiction writer who write for fun and for free, so no, i don’t take constructive criticism about my writing. i’m already liking with the way i write for once, even if there are some people who find my works/writing horrible.

besides, the very reason i decided to come back on here after the unpleasant experience on my previous blog is because i still have the passion to write the stories i want to read, and i made a promise to myself that i’d be doing it all for me first before anyone else. hence, i won’t hesitate to leave again if the passion for writing in me disappears for good.

so i’m sorry anon but i don’t think my works and the upcoming ones are for you. i hope you do find other better works that are suited to your liking.

[sidequestsinlife]

philm club notes 🧡

just random thoughts and interesting bits while watching (liveshow link here from dec 19 2018), yes this is long i'm terrible at editing myself. def watched this in 2018 but i don't regularly watch back their liveshows so i'm sure i haven't seen it since, let's see what surprises are in store!

why is younow audio so shit

don't put toothpaste on your zits pls phil

the discussion of their different feelings about going to their family homes is nothing new at this point but still interesting to hear them talk about. i wonder if dan feels like things are less haunted now that he's not still in the closet? don't think he's really talked about it post coming out?

but regardless it is very sweet to hear how much dan always enjoys the lesters and how welcoming they are, some things never change

phil is very correct with those comments about the rain and the roads, for some fucking reason even though it rains all the fucking time here and it also does seriously impede travel?? my train was cancelled for rain recently??? why do they not have better ways to deal with this?? i will never understand this country

younow why do you suck so bad, i had to minimize the window while i listen bc it's so out of sync it's making me insane, i hate seeing them look at each other all cute and smiley and not being able to figure out which part of what they're saying those expressions go with arghhhhhhhh

this was a time full of big announcements wow

the hiatus was NOT a short time and dan fully knew it wouldn't be he is a liar but he is forgiven (or will be once wdapteo 5 drops at least)

"if i ever upload on danisnotonfire again, the uploads will be more regular than they are now" LIARRRRRRRRRR AGAIN

drinking game take a shot every time these lying liars lie and soon you will be DEAD

this whole thing about ending things while they're good is going to make me paranoid that they're just going to peace out in the middle of some fantastic content in this new era too ugh. just gonna be like "wow this is my fav video they've ever made guess it'll be the LAST video they ever make"

more lies

they are obviously the obnoxiously loud neighbors and i hope the phouse has thick walls or is a fully detached house with some significant space btw them and the neighbors or i'm sure they're still getting people ringing the doorbell at 2am telling them to shut up

"he is not logan paul" (discussion of joe sugg being a "good egg") is very much not a high bar lmao

if phil didn't have dan to help him sort out his lefts and rights and stop him from walking into objects/off ledges/etc do you think he would still be alive and have all his original limbs

it is very sweet that they make clear the hiatus is not a life change though just a youtube change, they're not going anywhere in each other's lives regardless of joint content (or lack thereof) and they want to reassure everyone of that

they get each other gifts they want for themselves lmao, of course they do, they share everything. this is also why dan doesn't understand in 2024 why people would dare get him a gift that phil can't also enjoy. they are one person. dan and phil's pronouns are we/us.

phil does not go outside but he has four coats. i relate to this as i also do not like to go outside especially when the weather isn't great, but i am pretty sure i own FIVE coats. this is unnecessary.

2018 dan has clearly thought a lot about phil's beauty and aesthetic in a very non-gay way i'm sure

the 2018 casualties of the phass include several christmas tree ornaments apparently

ellen plagiarized phil???? how did i forget this?? also apparently this was pre everyone realizing ellen sucks

every time i watch pre-hiatus anything back, no matter how much i enjoyed it originally and still like it now, i'm reminded of how much more reserved they were, and how much more free and happy and gay they are now in this current era. i loved them then, sure, but the new era is so much better, and i'm so glad that they feel this way now and that they feel comfortable enough to share it with us 🧡

[postmoderntongues]

Its hard when somebody very very close to you has done something unspeakable. There's grief. There's cherished memories and love that doesnt always just evaporate on the spot like you think it will. Even when you yourself are their victim sometimes part of you needs to keep the relationship going if only so you can segment a small fantasy world where your earth and entire sense of trust and reality wasn't shattered. I have a real good friend accused of some real heavy stuff atm and not the cool kind either the kind where if its true i hope somebody kills him and i haven't contacted him since finding out and will never look at him the same but i haven't blocked him and i wouldn't be unkind if he reached out to me because he was real with me when a lot of people weren't and showed me love and took me in and protected me in a lot of really bad situations i knew i was okay because the scariest person there loved me like only another CPTSD Cluster B can and hes done things that have completely changed HOW i saw him and there are certain boundaries ill always keep up to protect myself bc hes a bad guy but like honestly even if he does wind up getting locked up technically the Christian thing to do would be send him a letter or two a month and some good paperbacks like ive had friends and family who like got caught up in some BAD shit of all kinds my whole life I have guys whose weddings i was the flower girl in who are like i cannot stress this enough but literally what most people picture when they try to justify prison being substandard living situations and not just loss of free movement throughout the community and containment of people too dangerous to participate.

Especially when you are a trauma survivor, its tempting to process them facing justice as "their trauma" When you already know somebody had done a lot of really bad things and maybe some potentially soul-damning ones now and they've only ever been really good to you and even protected you from other people who would have committed damnable crimes of their own against you if he hadn't intervened its hard to just disown somebody no matter how bad the thing is you'd be surprised with where you think your line is compared to where it actually is if its there at all once real shit goes down with somebody you been through real shit with.

My evangelical-raised religious trauma/psychosis is telling me god is testing the strength of my belief in carrying out his commands in my personal life however i can and the strength of the capacity for love that I claim to possess. I don't think that's a feeling that secular people dont also experience in some way and just word differently as a trauma reaction to finding out somebody you loved and trusted did to somebody the worst thing that was ever done to you.

Tory deserves patience right now and space to heal and i hope she isn't bullied into making a statement before she is in a place to and has fully processed it but she deserves compassion and grace right now to cope and process this in her own time and we might not agree in political theory with every choice she makes under the intoxication of such intense grief from a political theory point of view but shes not a politician shes some lady who made really good art about her PTSD. You don't know until it is you and it feels different and the way you handle it is different every time. Sometimes psychological survival is more of a matter of coping adequately rather than responding correctly. Sometimes psychological survival looks selfish or includes a stage of denial or bargaining or misplaced anger/blame. Whatever Tory does, however she responds, give her grace. Immediate responses aren't permanent long term most of the time anyway.

Also people are already trying to bring Amanda Palmer down with him, she was a mentally ill woman in a marriage to a known abuser do you think she wasn't the one woman he didn't abuse when she was the one he had the most formal permission to? How many of even our own powerless zero-influence fathers managed that? Was she an accomplice/enabler or can we recognize that even among successful artists abused wives live in silence and terror. How many of our mothers lived like that? She wasn't Karla Homolka, she was a mentally ill woman who for all we know barely escaped without something horrible happening to her (if nothing horrible happened that we just dont know of which isnt impossible either). Fear can coerce somebody into silence about very big secrets, sometimes the worse the secret the scarier it is to think about doing anything but keeping it. Amanda Palmer is more than likely another of his victims, not some kind of art scene Myra Hindley.

god, the details in that new Nail Gaiman story are revolting. He is gross, he is a violent rapist, he is trash

trust me when I tell you that unless you have intensely morbid curiosity, you don't need to read it. It is stomach-churning in a very real way. But tbh I think he should probably drop dead.

I feel awful for his fans and the people in his life who thought he was a different kind of person. Tori Amos' recent interview on this made me so sad for her and others who felt like they knew someone only to realize they really, really didn't. I'm devastated for her who made neil her child's godparent,because no matter how close you think you are to someone and how well you think you know them and how long you've known them -- Billy Joel was spot on when he wrote "The Stranger" because EVERYONE has a Stranger that no one knows but themselves. You can never truly, truly know someone.

Amanda Palmer, though? Thoroughly unsurprised that she seemed to be at the very least complicit. She has always given off the most rancid of vibes.