#and i think his feelings on her are extremely complicated. she was an adult who was actually nice to him and expressed concern about him

[235uranium]

"loki is akechi's hate" "loki is destroying akechi's psyche" you're all cowards. loki is akechi's anger and outrage at being trapped and abused. and that is NOT a bad thing

[johanna-swann]

Also, "Oh okay, so the gender reveal cake was just for Jee-Yun, everyone else already knew" (including Buck I'll assume). But then again even though it was a very low-key event the Wilsons were still invited. Madney planned something special for Jee-Yun to find out the sex of her little sibling and they invited the Wilsons to share that experience with them. Buck was once again missing without explanation.

Feels off. Not extremely so if you see this as an isolated event. There have been other instances this season where it felt like Buck was either not being considered or willfully excluded though. Tbh at this point I have to wonder if this is intentional and leading somewhere or if the writers haven't noticed their own pattern.

I mean:

The other character spent zero thought about the Bucktommy break-up and immediately told Buck to just "move on, get back out there" when Buck was still very clearly not over the end of one of the longest and most serious relationships he has ever had.

When Maddie was kidnapped not even Eddie hugged him, he went straight for Chimney. Like. That is Buck's sister. Did nobody think that Maddie's husband and her brother might need support?

Eddie was planning to move away, said out loud that everything that matters to him is in Texas and when he found out Buck overheard this he didn't apologise or clarify what he meant by that, he doubled down, accused Buck of spying, of trying to make him pick Buck over Chrisopher and of making "everything about himself as usual". Buck didn't behave perfectly here either, but he apologised for his part. Eddie did not and it was an insane expectation in the first place to assume that his best friend wouldn't have complicated feelings about him moving 800+ miles away.

When Buck told Maddie about Abby she didn't take him seriously, she made a homophobic joke about Abby turning men gay (Buck isn't even gay) then Josh took over the conversation. (Criticism for the queerphobia goes to the writers, not Maddie as a character, but even if her joke had been politically correct it seems a little dismissive.)

When Buck entered Hen's house after spending hours doing yard work for her he was told to to return the next morning for more chores (I'm okay with Hen's teasing here, she was entitled after everyone forgot her birthday), but Buck was then also sent home without explanation while four of his closest friends ate dinner together?

Buck and Christopher haven't really mentioned each other the entire season. Season 6 depicted them as incredibly close and in season 7 Buck had two very important conversations with Christopher, once about Chris respecting his girlfriend(s) which turned into a conversation about Shannon and once about the Doppelgänger mess. Buck is arguably the adult Christopher trusts the most outside of Eddie himself. How is this not even mentioned?

When Buck and Tommy hooked up in episode 11 Maddie didn't take that seriously either. She double checked whether Buck had feelings for Eddie or not, but wasn't even considering the possibility that Buck was still thinking about Tommy. She naturally assumed that the "he" Buck said he should call was Eddie.

Maddie also gives Buck this lovely "learn to be alone" advice which could be read as genuinely kind, possibly good advice (like "don't make a bigger mess out of this thing with Tommy than it already is if you aren't sure about your feelings"), but it also seems kind of cruel when it's said in so few words to somebody with major abandonment issues who is already feeling lonely and has recently been left behind by his boyfriend and his best friend.

Now we have the gender reveal event that Buck wasn't a part of.

All of it gives very strong "not everything is about you, Buck" vibes, but in the worst possible way. Instead of an arc that's actually about positive character development it seems like they're distancing Buck from every member of his found family. It doesn't come across as Buck being overly emotional or childish, it comes across as the other characters not caring about Buck. It also doesn't make Buck look just lonely (as in everybody has that one person who's theirs and Buck doesn't) (if it was that I'd say, oh they're finally giving him an endgame love interest), it really looks like he's not taken seriously by his friends.

For a lot of the things I listed there are simple explanations, but those only work if we are given those explanations. Of course it's possible that Buck didn't want to stick around for dinner with Henren and Bathena after getting tired and all sweaty and dirty from said chores, but then say that instead of just sending Buck away with a tupperware. Give Eddie a line about how he was being selfish too or that he didn't want to think about losing Buck and everything he built for himself in LA. Give at least one of Buck's friends a line where they ask Buck about the break-up when after weeks and weeks he's still baking with no end in sight. Let Maddie say "figure out what you want by yourself by concentrating on yourself before you make a rushed decision" instead of "I know you're feeling really lonely, but just deal with it".

Right now we have to work to find a way to interpret these scenes in a way that makes the firefam look like they care about Buck in their everyday lives, the show sure as hell doesn't give us that context. If this isn't intentional then what are those writing decisions?

If it is intentional, especially paired with Buck stepping up as an actual friend/mentor to Ravi this could be the beginning of an arc where he becomes more independent and grows beyond what everybody else sees in him (the talented and kind-hearted, but impulsive and naïve kid).

On top of that Buck hasn't had an actual arc since...? I don't even know. The only thing that has happened to him these past to seasons is he started dating a man and then that relationship gets a little complicated. The other characters had a shit ton of traumatising and bizarre shit happen to them while Buck went on a few dates.

I really don't know what's going on here tbh. But considering that the season only has four more episodes and considering what we know about those episodes.... Where would they even find room for Buck character development?

[chowadoe]

so more on that role reversal au...

Shadow (created as a Weapon Against Humanity) who was eventually raised, and exploited, by G.U.N to become Humanity's Ultimate weapon and Sonic, found by Robotnik

some more expanded thoughts below ^_^

SHADOW - G.U.N AGENT

Shadow was initially created with the intention of being a Weapon Against Humanity. after a life-altering incident, G.U.N. takes Shadow into their custody, raising him to become one of their top agents, exploiting him.

he's constantly under government surveillance... inhibitor rings (developed by G.U.N.) are clamped onto him like a shock collar so he is unable to tap into his full power. (Shadow has neither tested nor does he know the extent of his strength.. he has never tried removing them. G.U.N. is the only one who can remove them.)

the hypocritical method in wanting their weapon (cough trained dog) to exercise and develop restraint on his own terms, and yet forcefully acclimating him.

Shadow’s aware of his past. Definitely struggles with Existential dread about why he’s on Earth and what he was made for. he wants to (and feels like he should) do good, but if he was initially made with destructive intent… is he compensating this way? is this what he really wants? no.. he shouldn't think like that.. Maria would want him to be good..

If not to make the world the better a place, if they still treat his kind as inferior and sometimes, even a threat to the whole human race, does humanity and this planet still deserve its rite for redemption? What is humanity? Is that something he’s capable of, as a weapon of mass destruction?

what is he trying to prove here? His docility? His ability to be obedient and be, by human standards, good? what does that mean in a world that may never accept them, and much less him- a synthetic and all-unnatural organism forged from humanity’s worst and an alien race only capable of Evil and wrongdoing. a being so perfectly suited for any and all forms of persecution. Humankind’s scapegoat. He thinks about Maria.

Maria remains a guiding light. Back then, she would sneak Shadow out to gaze upon the Earth, her former home. She misses it, the lush greenery, the sun, the people. she hopes that Shadow will get to experience what it’s like.

au shadow is emo edgy in a sad wet adult 40yo cat leon kennedy kind of way. au sonic is emo edgy like a 14yo that found out you could buy a tattoo gun on amazon without a license. I know nothing about resident evil

when he's not on a mission, he's usually in his "room" (extremely generous word for containment chamber/training facility.) he's like a hamster in a cage with toys to play with . (treadmills. race tracks. dummy robots. Ak-47s.) He's allowed to freely roam HQ from hours 6am-10pm, and if not, he is usually escorted by a guard, unless its Rouge sneaking him out. But beyond that, it's not like the ultimate lifeform needs that much sleep, and it'd be bad to have their ultimate weapon roaming the halls without supervision. but let's say there's the occasional nocturnal scavenger providing him a bit of nightly mischief that even the most complicated most difficult to navigate ventilation system cannot keep a natural-born burrower out..... (haha)

SONIC - ACCOMPLICE

Robotnik’s “accomplice” (adoptive son?)

Sonic goes along with Robotnik’s schemes but has his own ulterior motives .. after all, working under someone is still infringing on his sense of freedom, independence, and pride.

He only rlly helps out Robotnik out if it helps him… robotnik makes some new tech that tickles his , esp if smth that happens to enhance his existing abilities. sure he’s more than capable of doing things on his own but what’s better than to play with his new toys with his already existing toys (GUN. shadow.)

and if he manages to break them in a day then he’s found an issue that robotnik needs to troubleshoot immediately. eggman should really be Thanking him!

his only known goal atm is to find things that stave off his boredom. from what Shadow's gathered at least. but maybe there's more...

has a very bad No Good Fixation on shadow's inhibitor rings for whatever reason. wonder that could mean.

Still fucking around with roles and nothing's rlly set in stone. Im just kind of giggling kicking rocks and throwing pebbles in the water to see what lands ^q^

Rouge is still there! A contractor for G.U.N. A Recovering/reformed Jewel thief who joins the task force (maybe?) 

the gang is also there! still brainstorming roles though. emrmmm

[the-peak-tmnt]

Hey The Neon Void readers, quick update from the author's sister!

(art commission by @kaysdenofchaos)

Hi readers of The Neon Void fanfic. This is the author’s older sister. She’s been getting a lot of fan art and asks lately. She’s sent me screenshots of a few unanswered ones looking for advice on how to respond.

While all the love and support of TNV is genuinely appreciated, my sister @sugarpasteltmnt is not equipped to respond to a small handful of these asks/comments that are, quite frankly, inappropriate.

Sugarpastels is not a therapist, and she’s certainly not an internet stranger’s therapist.

She’s an adult with an extremely demanding and stressful job for a very large client. Some of you have already experienced and enjoyed her work IRL without knowing it. Her company is close to finishing another project that will bring a lot of joy to hundreds of thousands of people every year, but working on a project of that scale is extremely stressful.

She is writing this fanfic for fun. TNV is a way for her to decompress and put her creative energy towards something other than work.

What’s not fun is coming home to asks/comments from readers who are projecting their own struggles/mental health onto TNV, and even Sugarpastels herself, and demanding some sort of attention from her over it.

Let’s be real: it’s fun to watch our blorbos suffer! So much of fandom is just us putting our favorite characters in Situations because it’s fun. Simple as that. But I think another reason TNV has resonated so strongly with readers is because of the way Sugarpastels writes the internal struggles of these characters.

We are both aware that TNV deals with mental health topics. Since the early days of “modern” fandom, fanfiction has been a way for people to explore complicated, difficult and sometimes even taboo subjects. There’s no shortage of complex feelings being explored in TNV, which is why we’re all having so much fun reading it.

But that’s all it is; an exploration. Sugarpastels is not a mental health expert. I’ve read a handful of books on PTSD and mindfulness for research while writing my own fanfic, and I would never consider myself prepared to help someone else.

It’s okay if you relate to things from TNV. I know I do! Again, fanfic has always been a way to read about things rarely dealt with (or handled poorly) in published fiction/tv shows/movies. I will always argue one of the greatest things about fanfiction and other fanworks is being able to see ourselves and our own struggles through our favorite fictional characters.

But Sugarpastels is not a fictional character. She’s a real person. Most importantly (to me at least) she’s my little sister, and this big sister cannot handle watching some of her readers expect more of her than is appropriate.

So I’m asking you to please be mindful of what you ask/say to not just her, but literally everyone on the internet. Unless you’re chatting with someone regularly, they do not know you. Whether it’s friends, family, teachers, coaches, etc, there are people in your life who know you personally, and are therefore better equipped to help you than a stranger on the internet.

Sugarpastels is so full of empathy that it’s hard to not feel for you when you send things like this. But it just isn’t fair to put that kind of unnecessary pressure on someone who is, at the end of the day, just trying to have some fun writing about ninja turtles bein’ sad.

(That being said, PLEASE DON’T BE SCARED TO SEND HER ASKS AND FAN ART!!! They make her day every single time and are seriously so, so appreciated. She’s texting me about it constantly how much she loves all of TNV’s readers. This whole post is really directed at an extremely small percentage of her readers, but there have been enough I felt something needed to be said.)

[keyotos]

i am absolutely in love with ur writing AND with gepard landau,, can i request a first kiss fic for him? i read your kiss the girl fic for dan heng and ITS SO GOOD!! tysm in advance, take care of yourself!

teenage dream

summary ⎯ gepard knows he can't keep these feelings to himself. gepard also knows that he can never tell you about how he feels. so, he goes to the person he tells all his secrets to: serval. serval, who told pela. pela, who is determined to set you two up. and doing so, entails a bookish adventure for you to enjoy.

tana's words ⎯ i too am in love with gepard. i feel u anon. also thank u for the kind words!

tags ⎯ matchmaking (serval and pela). first kiss. pining (this should be expected). bookish!reader. bookstore owner!reader. oblivious idiots.

IT’S EXTREMELY SURPRISING TO HEAR GEPARD frantically knocking on the doors of nevermore workshop, so serval obviously had to open the doors for him.

when he entered, gepard immediately shut the doors as if he was being followed. the expression on his face was dire; he looked as if he was chased by wolves and he was being hunted down.

“gepard?” serval asked, concern dripping in her tone, “what the hell happened?”

“serval,” gepard panted. serval was getting worried; this was all irregular behavior coming from gepard, “i need help.”

gepard never asked for help. he is one of the most self-sufficient and stubborn people serval knows. he would rather stare death in the face instead of asking someone for help.

“what is it?” serval rushed by his side, “whatever you need, i got you.”

“i think i have feelings for,” gepard sighed, palm dragging across his face, “the owner of the bookstore,” he finishes quietly.

serval’s jaw dropped. it wasn’t because of the declaration of gepard’s crush. it was that he made it sound so dramatic. serval thought that he was being tracked down and was about to be sent to the madhouse.

“are you serious!” serval shoved gepard, “i thought you were about to die or something!”

gepard recoiled at serval’s shove; his sister was stronger than most people thought, “it feels like i am! every time i’m around them my heart rate quickens so much that i think i’m about to have a heart attack. i get all nervous on the inside and i can barely think with them beside me.”

aeons, gepard has definitely fallen in love with you.

“wait⎯so, where are you gonna go from here?” serval leaned on the counter, trying to process all the words her brother confessed.

“that’s the thing,” gepard sighed again. he sounded like a lovesick puppy, “i don’t know. that’s why i came here, i thought you’d be able to help.”

“um. you are aware of my past relationship with cocolia, right? i think i’m like the least qualified person you should be asking romance advice from,” serval pointed out.

“i don’t know who else i could tell,” gepard ran a hand through his hair. this was really stressing him out.

“how about you just… tell them?” serval suggested.

“no!!” gepard shook his head distraughtly, “i can’t do that. what if they don’t feel the same?”

“then it’s not meant to be,” serval said, “simple as that.”

“but it’s not,” gepard whined. serval thought he was making this a lot more complicated than it needed to be. when she was his age, she confessed her feelings to cocolia like it was nothing. they were happy until the break up anyway.

but then it donned on serval. gepard had little to no relationship experience. the only “experience” serval remembers him having was when they were children: his friend had a crush on him and tried to confessed, but gepard rejected her.

that’s why gepard was so distressed. he had no idea how to go on with this. these feelings for you? all new. what he missed out as a teenager, he is now getting as an adult.

“tell you what,” serval wrapped her arm around her brother’s shoulder, “i’ll get this sorted out. trust me. yn will never know about this,” she reassured him.

“you just go along with your guardly duties. i’ll help you,” serval grinned. she knew that she had the perfect plan. except, she couldn’t do it alone.

pela already knew about your crush on the silvermane guard captain. every time he greeted the two of you at the book store, pela practically saw the hearts in your eyes. it was sickening and disgusting, but it was cute too.

what pela didn’t know, however, was that gepard has a crush on you as well.

serval came to pela just a few minutes after gepard’s confession. she knew that she probably shouldn’t have told pela right after the conversation happened, but serval didn’t know how else to console gepard.

“so… you’re telling me that they both like each other?!” serval slammed her hands on the counter. “and they’re both too scared to confess!?”

“that’s exactly what i said, yes,” pela monotonously replied.

you knew that there couldn’t be anything between you and gepard. it was highly improbable that you, a bookstore owner, would be able to gain the captain of the silvermane guard’s interest. it seemed like something straight out of a fictional (key word: fictional) romance novel.

so you appreciated his friendship while he was around. sometimes, as a way to become closer to the captain, you’d suggest different books to him every week. despite being on the front lines quite often, he always comes back to see you. well, he comes back for the books anyway.

serval groaned into her hands, “so what do we do? they both like each other but they literally can’t bear to admit it.”

pela smirked. she’s read enough romance novels to figure out what to do next.

“two words, serval,” pela smirked, “grand. gesture.”

gepard took a few deep breaths before approaching your book store. after his chat with serval, he's been distressed the entire day. he had these feelings for you storming all over his body; occasionally, they'd get so strong that it would feel like those feelings would overtake him.

he opened the door, book in hand, and greeted you formally. gepard couldn't help it: he was so nervous, he wasn't able to function straight.

"hello, captain gepard," you turned around. you were on a latter stacking books on top of bookshelves. originally, you thought it would be cool to have towering shelves, however you quickly learned that it was extremely impractical and difficult.

"i told you," gepard stood near the counter, refusing to slouch in your presence, "you can call me gepard."

"and i told you," you grunted, trying to reach a higher spot on a shelf, "to drop the formalities," you grinned to yourself.

gepard noticed your (potentially) perilous situation and quickly got near the end of the latter. in the case that you fall, at least gepard would be there to catch you.

fortunately, you made your way down the tall latter peacefully. as you descended, the sight of gepard holding down the latter for you made you flush. it was the bare minimum, but it still made your heart speed up.

when he reached out his hand to guide you down (it was out of instinct), you gave him a warm smile. it looked easy on the outside, but you were burning up on the inside. similarly, gepard had the same reaction. for you, he'd do anything.

"thank you," you held onto his hand for a little longer. once you realized what you were doing you quickly recoiled your hand away and apologized. gepard wished your hand was still entwined with his; he wanted to hold onto to the feeling of your hand in his. gepard wanted to trace patterns on your hands, wanted to feel every part of them.

as an attempt to dissipate the tension (it was making you nervous), you decided to ask gepard for help. "we had a busy day yesterday. a best seller recently came out; people were storming the shelves. good for my profit but not good for my sanity," you let out an airy laugh, "would you mind helping me clean up?"

realizing what you just did (asking the captain of the silvermane guards for help) you quickly added, "unless you're busy! then i'll be okay. you can leave. i'll be fine," you rambled.

gepard parted his lips, almost as if he was about to say something. how could you ever think he wouldn't make time for you? even so, he'd deploy a few other guards if you needed help. he'd make sure your needs were met as soon as possible.

he reached his arm out; his hands were close to your collarbone. then he reached back, scared of what would happen next. how silly. the captain of the silvermane guards was not scared of no monster, but of rejection of the one he likes.

"i'll stay for anything," gepard blurted. you were taken aback for a second, but then once you realized what he had just said, you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and covertly pinched yourself to make sure that whatever was happening was not a dream.

gepard didn't intend to add, "anything," to his sentence. but his mind was thinking it, and then it just accidentally came out. he meant what he said though. if the bluntness of his voice didn't show his sincerity, the blush that was slowly grazing his face probably did.

"thank you, gepard," you bit the inside of your lip to keep yourself from beaming too hard. you had to turn away from the captain once again, for your smile at his words would be too embarrassing to show. how silly of you to act so giddy and childish at one simple word.

gepard thinks he could hear you say his name a million times, and he would never get bored. he wants to hear his name on your lips as if it were a mantra; you've said his name a few times before, and each time he swears he gets more and more addicted to the sound.

"how about i start on the right and you'll start on the left. that way, we'll both finish in the middle!" you clapped your hands together. you gave gepard a reassuring smile.

you two started on opposite sides, but how gepard wished that you two would be closer. however, there are positives to this situation. gepard can brainstorm ideas for the "grand gesture" pela and serval texted him about.

gepard already had ideas in mind. he just needed to figure out the material for them. he obviously will not tear out papers from a book; that will cause more harm than good (for you and gepard; he cares about books).

while gepard was planning, you were blushing. you still couldn't believe he actually stayed with you. surely, there are more important deeds than helping out a leisurely bookstore owner. and this was the most boring task ever: organizing books. yet, gepard was still here. and he was only a few feet away from you.

you turned back to observe gepard; you wanted to see if you had trapped him in a boring task or not. to your surprise, gepard seemed to be enjoying this. he would flip through pages of various books, spend time reading the summaries; gepard would even go as far to reading the first few pages of some books.

gepard liked to read. at first, he started coming to the bookstore to fetch some books for pela. however, after he met you, he began to adopt a newfound interest in books that he never had before. he read some of pela's books, discovered that he did not like them, and went to browse for more. that's when you came up. you thought you had talked his entire ear off that entire morning; you went on and on and on about what kind of books he would like.

you tried to ignore him afterwards; you even offered the books for free because you were so embarrassed. but gepard kept coming back. your recommendations impressed him: gepard had never met anyone who was so meticulous at their craft. and he loved hearing you talk. he loved your rambles, your rants, your reviews. maybe that was the first sign.

gepard caught your gaze as he turned around. he had the same motivation as you: he wanted to see how you were faring in this task. did you miss the proximity you had before? are you flustered as well? do you like him too?

you two were both staring at each other, thoughts racing, until you shouted, "see something you like?" to break the tension.

gepard thought the question was a taunt at first; similar to asking, "like what you see?"

"no!" he abruptly shouted, trying to hide the fact that he was just staring at you. and then he realized the real meaning of your question: he was browsing the books with such intensity. the truth was, he was trying to find your favorite books. you've informed him about them before, always on your bookish rants. he was going to use them for his gesture later on.

thinking that he now looks like an idiot, gepard tries to save himself by shouting back, "i mean⎯ yes! i do. these books are nice," he tried to cover up.

you seemed not to register his mistake, as you tell him, "whatever you want, it's on the house. for your work today. it'll be on the house for life!" you put some books on some shelves and move closer to the middle.

gepard shook his head and chuckled, "you've always given books to me for free." he put some books back and continued around the room.

"are you complaining?" you raised an eyebrow, "what if i just kept a tab on you this entire time? and you never knew?" more books get put away.

"then i'd rightfully pay you back," gepard wholeheartedly responded, "or i'd arrest you," he joked.

you mock-gasped, "for what?" you're getting closer to the middle now.

stealing my heart, the intrusive part of gepard's mind thought. he'd been hanging out with serval too much; he would never say that. gepard internally cringed.

"false advertising," he moved closer to the middle, “i don't know," he smiled to himself. gepard doesn't think he would have the heart to arrest you.

you blushed at hearing the captain lost on amendments. the captain wouldn't know how to arrest you. is this flirting? or are you reading too much into it?

you don't know if the heat on the back of your neck is from gepard's words or the sun shining so brightly on the back of your neck. you stack some more books on shelves; you've now reached the middle. you're having trouble reaching one of the shelves, but you're too lost in your thoughts to even think about that.

in fact, you're too lost in your thoughts that you don't even notice the warmth disappear from the back of your neck. your cheeks are still warm, so you are still blushing. your struggles with the tall bookshelf are lost when you feel a hand over yours.

"i'll take that," gepard quietly mumbles. it's so quiet that you didn't hear it at first.

on instinct, you turn towards him. when you looked at the position the both of you were in, you noticed that you were caged against him. you were caged against the captain of the silvermane guards. against a bookshelf.

gepard towered over you. his body was centimeters closer to fully pressing on you. his breath was fanning on your face. you could see every detail of his face from your view from below. your hands were so close to grazing his chest, so you immediately slapped them to your sides. you gulp, you start to breath quicker, and you feel like you're about to combust.

you swallowed, trying not to move. you were frozen in place as you tried not to disturb gepard. you gaped at him as he was working to organize the books, not noticing the position the two of you were in.

when gepard finished, he gave a sigh of relief. he underestimated your job: if you had to do this every day, you were probably stronger than some of his soldiers. when he opened his eyes, he was greeted by your wide eyes staring right into his.

he was breath-taken by your beauty. the look in your eyes as you look into his was captivating. gepard needed it framed. the way your lips parted made him go feral; his heart stuttered with every second he looked at you.

his arm was pinned above your head. your bodies were so close that you kept focusing on the rise and fall of gepard’s chest. the way his expression scanned yours made you want to quiver against him.

you said the first sentence, “hard work?” your tone was breathless. you were still trying to catch your breath.

“yeah,” he sighed, still not noticing the way your bodies curved into each other, “hard work.”

“did i waste your time?” you whispered. it was quiet, like you were ashamed of your actions. you looked down at his chest rather than his face.

“no,” gepard leaned in, trying to hear your voice one more time. he tilted your head up slightly with his fingers so you could look at him, “you’d never.”

silence crippled the room. it was just you and gepard, the two of you leaning oh-so-close together that your lips were nearly about to touch. a part of you wanted to lean into him; you wanted to pull him closer and closer until you were both out of breath.

but that was delusional. that was something straight out of romance novels, and your life was anything but.

gepard leaned in closer on purpose. he gave into temptation and wanted to feel your lips on his. he wanted to grab you by the waist and pull you so tightly into him. he wanted this: he wanted your kiss, he wanted your insight, he wanted you.

but with gepard, want is not something one could have. especially one like him.

“i’m sorry,” he abruptly let go, “i’m⎯i think, i have something i need to do,” he took a few steps back away from you, leaving about three feet in distance. quite the opposite from how you two were positioned a few seconds ago.

“oh,” you let go immediately. “i’m sorry! i didn’t know,” you quickly ran to the other side of the room. you wanted to hide from embarrassment.

“not your fault!” gepard shouted as he headed for the exit, “goodbye mx yn!”

you didn’t bother to say goodbye as you slammed the door shut after he left. what just happened was mortifying. the position you two were in? the way you two gradually leaned closer to each other? no wonder he ran away, you thought, you must’ve scared him off.

oh, if only you knew how wrong you were.

you didn't see gepard for a week after the incident. he hadn't come into the bookstore at all the entire week. however, that also could've been your fault: you've been in and out of the bookstore for the past week. if you faced gepard after the incident (you've dubbed), you'd probably apologize and beg for forgiveness.

but still, wouldn't he come in and leave a note? wouldn't he at least stop by once? did you scare him off that badly? the more you thought about it, the more you thought about becoming a hermit.

you'd thought you terrified him and ruined your friendship (and any future hope of a relationship) until flowers appeared on the counter of the bookstore. your assistant refused to let you know who they were from.

you bent down and eyed the pot of flowers sitting on the counter. they were your favorite color: pink. you had to admit, they were gorgeous. they looked well grown, as if these were from a master gardener. the flowers bloomed perfectly, each petal reaching out for the sun.

the message of the flowers also intrigued you. begonias are the flowers that symbolizes knowledge and deep thoughts. whoever gifted these to you must have been very observant or they wanted to be your intern.

"did someone come by asking to be my intern?" you stood up and put your hands on your hips. your lip twisted in thought. you were a bit preoccupied at the moment; the bookstore was getting exceptionally busy and (with your whole gepard crisis going on) you didn't think you were fit to be a mentor at the moment.

"no," your assistant shook her head. you leaned back on the counter, wondering why (and who) would gift you flowers on such a strange day. you already knew it wasn't gepard, due to the awkward tension surrounding the both of you right now, so you had a big list to narrow down.

"but," your assistant continued, "someone dropped off this letter with the flowers. they told me to give it to you after you saw the flowers," your assistant handed you the letter.

it was very formal, the letter. it's envelope was very extravagant, fit for someone with high standards. the stamp was still warm, meaning that this letter had been written recently. you tore open the envelope to reveal it's contents.

yn,

please do me the honor of accompanying me to everwinter cafe tonight. i would really appreciate seeing you there.

gl

"g.l." you paused, "as in green lantern?!" you asked your assistant, wide eyes and all. "who is trying to cosplay as a superhero to talk to me? this is insane. did i owe someone a book or something? charged them extra?" you panicked.

your assistant frowned at your idiocy. who else could 'gl' entail to besides gepard landau? "what if it's the captain," your assistant urged on, nudging your shoulder.

"it couldn't be the captain," you jolted. does your assistant know? "we barely even talk," you try to reason.

"he comes in here nearly every day," your assistant counters, "if not every day, be it every other day," they sighed.

"he just comes in to look at books," you placed the flowers in a safe space in the shelves. "we don't converse as often as you think."

"you talk every day," you assistant drags on. "you're telling me that the two of you have no relations whatsoever?"

"we⎯it's complicated," you sighed, "long story short, it could never be the captain," you looked down at the plant. even if it was gepard, what was he doing? sending anonymous flowers? cryptic notes? why couldn't he just talk to you?

"you should go," your assistant encouraged, "you never know. it could be the captain or it could be another potential secret admirer."

"you think?" you raised an eyebrow. your assistant nodded in response.

you looked at the flowers one more time. though you wished it was gepard who sent them, you knew it was probably someone else trying to flatter you into taking them in as an intern. but as you stared at the begonias, no other thoughts beside gepard consumed your mind

it was late when you walked to everwinter cafe. tonight was not a particularly chilly night, but belobog's slight chill was ever present.

you walked around aimlessly, trying to walk slowly so you can prolong the sight of your "intern." you tried to focus on other things as you walked past, such as the plants and heaters surrounding the city. it's wondrous how things such as plants are still able to flourish in times like these.

as you viewed your surroundings, you saw a note placed on a lamppost close to the cafe. it read, "'i know you're working. i wanted to be somewhere...' safe? familiar? comfortable? 'near you.'

you automatically knew which book that quote was from. book lovers by emily henry. it was your favorite romance book; you've raved about it many times with gepard.

as you continued, you saw another note, "'if you saw yourself the way other people see you, you'd never doubt again.' 'how do people see me?' 'like you're the most beautiful, most remarkable, thing they've ever seen."

you must admit, you blushed a little bit while internally reading that. the only reason you blushed was that because you discussed that quote with gepard. you were talking about the 'twisted' series and how it had it's pros and cons with gepard, and this quote was one of the pros.

another read, "'who are they? the best part of my day.'"

another, "books she has found, are a way to live a thousand lives."

and the last, "'favorite word?' 'you.'"

you quickly noticed that these were all quotes from your favorite books. these are books you've only discussed and rambled about with one person: gepard. you'd never thought he would've actually read these books. let alone, you'd never thought gepard would also quote them.

with slightly more hope than before, you ran up to everwinter cafe.

"did you get my message?" gepard stood tall in front of you. you couldn't look into his eyes and it was killing him.

"your letter? yes, i did. and your flowers too. they were beautiful," you rocked back and forth on your heels.

"thank you, i grew them myself," he gave you a soft smile. you wanted to talk about how he managed to even grow such beautiful flowers, but how could you talk to him if you couldn't even look at him in the eyes? "but, did you get my message?"

you looked down at the many notes in your hand. it turns out gepard had left notes after all, "oh yes. i did," you blushed at the obvious context of the quotes. "all my favorite books."

"yeah," gepard spoke breathlessly, as if all of his air had run out after he started speaking to you, "but did you get my message?" he looked at your face for any type of indication: whether you liked him back, hated him, or had no strong feelings towards him. his eyes darted throughout your face, and the sight made you slightly flustered. he was leaning over you, and you thought you saw his eyes graze over your lips.

then it donned on you. the flowers. the letter. the sneaking out at night. the romantic context of all the quotes. the way all the quotes were from your favorite books that you've only talked about with him. the way gepard has admired and remembered every single thing about you. your stomach dropped as you realized gepard had been feeling the same things you have felt for him this entire time. your heart pounded in your chest as you finally met his eyes in the pale moonlight.

"yes," you swiftly exhaled. it was like all your hidden feelings for gepard were compacted in your chest, and when you finally breathed, they were all let out. it was like all your troubles were leaving you, "i did."

"and..." gepard trailed off, now failing to meet you in the eyes. he was terrified of your rejection; your opinion was one of the things that mattered most to him. before, he regarded it was his passion for the people, but now he recognizes that he was just passionate for you. "did you like it?"

"i loved it," you smiled; it wasn't just a soft smile this time, like the ones you've always given him. it was a big smile: loud and talkative, much like you. one smile could convey so much.

but you still had thoughts, "i didn't need all of this though," you grabbed his hand for reassurance. you were in range of his lips. you could close the gap right now.

gepard froze; your words and your touch made him tense. he was finally able to look you in the eye, having prepared himself for iminent rejection and was ready to leave. whatever you needed, he would do.

"what do you need?" gepard asked frantically. "whatever you need, i will give it to you. whether it be space or never seeing me again."

what you needed? you needed his thoughts, his opinions, his reassurance. you needed his touch on a cold night, you needed his arm around you when you were cold, you needed to feel him beside you on nights similar to this. you needed everything that he was.

"i need you," you whispered up on his lips. "right now."

and gepard swore the entirety of everwinter city heard his heart drop to the ground. he was sure that you could feel his heart pounding in his chest after you said those five words. only five words, yet gepard felt like he was going insane. he was going insane for you: your touch, your mind, your words, your entirety.

gepard removed his hand from yours for just one second, using it to tip your chin up so you could be in his view. in the pale moonlight, you were gorgeous. to be fair, you were always gorgeous, but something about tonight extenuated your beauty.

"can i⎯"

"don't even ask," you cut him off, leaning into him.

the kiss was soft and sweet at first. the feeling of your lips pressed onto his was heavenly: gepard felt ten times stronger with you than with anything else. it was gentle and tender.

but when you tugged your arms around his neck, all restraint went out the window.

gepard moved his hand from your chin to your waist, pulling you closer into him. it was bold for his first kiss, but who could blame him when you're holding onto to him so tightly?

you threaded your hands through his hair as he kissed you feverishly. his hands on your waist made you want to combust into him. you were standing on your toes at this point; if you tried to stand any taller, gepard was about to lift you up into the air.

when you finally stopped to breath, all that was left in the air was your love and the light from the sky.

"was i your first kiss?" you asked him coyly, arms still wrapped around his neck.

gepard blushed and you immediately knew his answer to your question. you stood up one more time to give him one more quick kiss.

yes, you were his first kiss. and gepard wished for more to come.

i need a week off after this fic i swear to god

[zoobus]

Otome Isekai Roundup

With the new year, I feel the need to make some kind of year-in-review list. So even though I've largely stopped reading comics (the desire to read ebbs and flows every six month), here are the otoisekai that stuck out to me the most in 2024

Crimson Lady/Resetting Lady

What can I even say about the GOAT? As we crawl towards a conclusion, the despair only grows. Death is the only answer, death must be avoided at all costs.

The Villainess Who is No Better than an Extra Cross-dresses to Be a Love Interest

I never talked about this one, namely because I'm not sure how to describe it without focusing on its wokeness. But it is woke. It's bizarrely, strangely woke, as well as genuinely enjoyable, but I keep getting fixated on all the genre-unusual progressiveness, like

BELIEVABLE female crossdressing in a shojo manga

her older brother is fat, a good person, and nobody ever comments on his weight (this point is the most shocking to me honestly)

Older brother is loudly supportive of his gnc sister and male cousin

Unclear if MC is gay, transmasc, or just doing this out of survival, but it says something that becoming a love interest was her *first* response

Boy the MC bewitched in girl form as a child is thrown off by her handsome appearance as an adult, yet awkwardly asks if she wants help breaking her engagement with a man

I forgot, originally he was the stock "sexist love interest who dials it back for his one true love" type, but this one shatters the mold not by making her the one girl he isn't mean to, but instead having him step back from his feelings and step UP as a genuine, actual, fr ally and continuing their friendship. Insane upgrade.

And it all feels pretty organic! They'll hint at complicated feelings from the people around her without grandstanding or molding medieval-y types into 21st century values

Like I can't emphasize enough how weird it is to see a child drawn like this and they're not evil

Behind Her Highness's Smile

I never talked about this one for the opposite reasons of the above. Um. Extremely horny ethicsplay* thriller about a mentally-challenged princess forced to marry a duke (who, in turn, was forced to marry a mentally-challenged princess). What if you were the abused sexy sensual prisoner princess forcibly married to a smoldering tall dark-haired duke AND you had brain damage.

Let me say that I enjoy this story sincerely and that her issues are not played lightly, but it is absolutely going for eroticism. Like oh nooo, you're not mentally competent enough to consent 😉😉 the duke could do whatever he wants and you're too dumb and doll-like to do anything about it😉😉😉 also your maids roofied you😉did I mention your sick bastard brother-king made you like this? And that he takes immense pleasure in that fact?🤫

But I know what you're thinking. Because I was thinking it. For chapters and chapters. "Surely this is a ruse. They didn't actually write a mentally handicapped female lead, not when it's already so horny. This is just to add to the fucked up atmosphere that feeds into everything because there's no fucking way anyone would keep to this premise. Wow she's really committing to the bit lol, not giving an inch. If I were gullible, I would believe they're actually going to fuck. Wait. Was that guy supposed to represent the writer talking to the reader? Hey?"

Did they? Read to find out :)

*I've always hated describing stories as problematic (positive). Ethicsplay, like the story is fucked up. They know it's fucked up, YOU know it's fucked up, and that's why you're here reading it.

A Splendid Revenge Story of a Super-Dreadnought Cheat Villainess

I don't have a lot to say about this one other ​than it's a refreshing revenge-centric OI. It's not treading new ground, but it executes the genre's tropes well. The villains are exaggerated caricatures of hubris, brazen leeches who've forgotten whose blood they've been surviving on, each with their own distinctive brand of arrogance introduced at a measured pace to keep the true hero's OPness from getting boring, all with a unique stylistic flair.

Princess revenge stories are frequently derailed by dull romance or the desire to reinvent capitalism, so the fact that Super-Dreadnought commits itself to smiting Lunaria's enemies without straying from the path makes it a high recommend.

Turning the Mad Dog into a Genteel Lord

I realized I don't have enough screenshots to prove my controversial opinion (that this is less puppy dog bf fantasy and more crypto-age reggressor/caretaker right up until they knew it would mess with the overall light and goofy tone), and I can't say those kinds of things without proof. so. I'll save that for another day.

Anyway. Plot: Priestess Diarin, who is so hot I have more screenshots of her than any of the men, has to tame an abused beast-like 6'8 shredded ex-child soldier into a noble. She's the only one who can change him, she's the only one he can be vulnerable with. Middling plot, heavy slapstick/reaction face-based humor, but everyone is sexy and there are mild to moderate sadist-on-the-art-team impies, so. Recommend.

On an unrelated note can tappytoons please stop picking up manwha with good art? Their translation choices make me unreasonably mad.

If they draw shoes like this, please let Lezhin handle it? I can't take the comma stutters and obvious tone neutering.

[miraculousagentsofkrypton]

Tai Xiao Long

Let's talk about the STRQ family because I adore them, but they are a bit of a mess. (inspired by deadbeatbirdmom's magnificent post). Today, I want to focus specifically on the individual relationships Ruby and Yang have to each of the adults. Because this family is far too complicated to be as simple as 'both kids' have a similar relationship to the parents'. (And I love that for us)

Tai has had a very difficult life, full of grief and loss. As someone who has suffered from depression myself, I have nothing but the deepest empathy for him. That being said, he was not the perfect father and was very absent from their lives in their early years.

Something to note is that neither girls mention their father almost ever. They're happy to receive a package from him, but are unsurprised by the eccentric, impulsive, and strange nature of it. Sure, Zwei is adorable, and they love him. However, the show makes it immediately clear that this wasn't the most responsible decision their dad could have made. The girls can't take care of the dog in the middle of their school year while being sent on missions. They received absolutely no warning, and clearly weren't keeping Tai that updated on their lives. Or, worse, they were, but that didn't affect things.

This should have been our first warning that something in the STRQ home wasn't as assumed because this parallels a lot of what we do know about Yang and Ruby's early life. Which is that the adults in their life hoist a lot more responsibility onto the shoulders of children than they should. Not out of malice; Zwei is handed over because Tai wouldn't be able to take care of him at the moment himself, and he trusted his daughters.

Yang's feelings for her dad are extremely complicated. She holds clear resentment for him and doesn't even always refer to him as her father, just Tai. She is perfectly aware that he left more on her shoulders than he should. No small child should be responsible for keeping the house running and raising their sibling. Tai did keep a roof over their heads, but I get the feeling Yang did a lot of the housework and cooking and babysitting for Ruby. After losing a mother and then finding out her first mother abandoned her, she desperately needed comfort, but instead was somewhat abandoned emotionally.

Yang is also very empathetic, and as she has grown older, I think she has come to understand all that her dad was going through. He didn't mean to shut down so hard, and he loves his daughters. At some point, he even started to put the effort in to be better and change his relationships with his daughters. Yang loves him, and it's clear their relationship isn't in complete shambles by Volume 4. However, it's still very distant, and Tai doesn't understand her near as well as he thinks. He falls quite a bit for her ability to mask.

Despite his attempts to be better, Yang and Ruby wouldn't both say Yang raised her if Tai was a significant parental figure for most of their lives. This indicates that Tai, even after coming back from his shutdown, accidentally hoisted a lot onto Yang. We also don't know exactly how long that took.

We know absolutely nothing about Ruby's relationship to her dad. But that in and of itself tells us quite a lot. Ruby considers Yang as the person who primarily raised her. She idolizes her mom, but not her dad. She doesn't have any kind of close relationship with him, but does love him. She just... doesn't talk about him, or to him much.

I don't think she resents him quite the same way as Yang, but I think she understood, even as a young child, some of the weight that had been placed on her sister. The unfairness. She was also somewhat abandoned by him emotionally, just as Yang was, and the avoidance might have even been worse because Ruby looks so much like his late wife.

There's a barrier between Tai and his children that they haven't overcome yet. He hasn't entirely learned from his mistakes, and he hasn't learned to see past the masks he is partially responsible for creating, and I think they know that. They will always love him, especially for being the only family member to physically stay present in their lives, but there's a lot to still work through.

Summer

Raven

Qrow

[electronickingdomfox]

"The Pandora Principle" review

Novel from 1990, by Carolyn Clowes. A rare Saavik-centric story, set a little before The Wrath of Khan, and involving the latest Romulan plot to destroy the Federation. The tension keeps mounting up, and the last chapters are so frantic that it’s hard to put the book aside. Even if some of the hazards are caused by the characters being unreasonable stupid (like keeping a Romulan scout in the Enterprise’s tractor beam; at this point they should know already what Romulans tend to do when caught…). However, despite being an action-heavy story, it is above all an exploration of Saavik, her traumatic past, and her moving (and complicated) mentor-pupil relationship with Spock. Pretty brutal at times, introspective at others, this can be counted among the better TOS novels.

Saavik is the true protagonist here, and the most fleshed out character. The author follows other works in presenting Saavik as half Romulan, half Vulcan (a behind-the-scenes bit of info that never made it to the films). And it seems the author had Robin Curtis’ Saavik in mind while writing the character, as her more stoic performance fits much better the backstory presented here (I simply can’t imagine Kirstie Alley’s Saavik as a feral child killing Romulans with a knife). Spock also plays a big role, but even though his mentorship of Saavik is well developed, I found him a bit unlikable, especially towards the end. This is more the Spock from "The Galileo Seven", than the warmer character from the movies. Funnily enough, it’s not the first time that Spock has to be a father figure for a wild child in these novels… Kirk, on the other hand, has a minimal part and is absent from most of the action. I don’t think the author captured the main characters exactly right, as Kirk’s portrayal suffers from similar problems as Spock’s. And the same can be said for McCoy, who also has a very small role, despite making a crucial discovery at the very end. It seems as if Spock and the doctor genuinely disliked each other, with no real affection and respect underneath. However, these weaknesses in characterization can be forgiven, given the novel’s other strengths. There is a bunch of new characters introduced in the early chapters, though ultimately they’re not that relevant. With the exception of a cute, little alien called Obo, who ends up saving the ship (and is really lovable on top of that).

Some spoilers under the cut:

Six years ago, Spock was part of a secret Vulcan expedition to the planet Hellguard, across the borders of the Romulan Empire. The site of a previous Romulan mining colony, Hellguard is extremely inhospitable. But the expeditioners suspect that several Vulcan crews, vanished during the last decades, were hold hostage in the colony. They find none of the adults, but several children that the Vulcan prisoners had with their Romulan captors. One of these children, Saavik, saves Spock from the vicious attack of another boy. She’s poorly nourished and almost as savage as an animal, but Spock decides to take her under his wing, and supervise her education.

Years pass, and thanks to Spock’s infinite patience and Saavik’s determination, the young woman has become a proper Vulcan. Well, almost. Saavik has never stopped feeling different, and is still plagued by nightmares about Hellguard, and some underground corridor where a faceless danger pursues her. Nonetheless, Saavik has become a successful student at Starfleet Academy, and prepares to visit Spock at his ship. The Enterprise has just returned to Earth, with a captured Romulan vessel that they found adrift with everyone dead aboard. Starfleet is mostly interested in the new cloaking device installed in the vessel. But they also find some strange, luminous artifacts aboard. Spock takes one of these artifacts to a laboratory at Starfleet Command for study. And here comes stupid decision number 1: a guy working at the starbase requests permission to send one of the artifacts to his mom, who works at a museum… and his request is granted. That is, they let a civilian take one of these Romulan things, that not even Spock is sure about (more on this later).

Meanwhile, Kirk seems to believe that if he sends immediately his mission report from Starfleet HQ, avoiding a face-to-face meeting with Admiral Nogura, he could delay his desk appointment and just fly away with the Enterprise again. Yeah, not sure it works like that… This may count as stupid decision number 2. While Kirk is at the basement of HQ sending his report, the Romulan artifact breaks at the lab a few floors above (perhaps because the scientists studying it are more interested in flirting like teenagers, rather than paying attention). The artifact releases a cloud of “something”, and in a split second, every single person at Starfleet HQ is gruesomely dead! Fortunately for Kirk, the basement he’s working from is completely isolated from the rest of the building. But he can’t come out now, so for once he has to sit back and watch in frustration how others solve the problem. Early investigations determine that the Romulan artifact released a virus which eats up all oxygen in the air at once, and keeps reproducing as long as it finds oxygen. The Romulans obviously set these artifacts as a trap for the Federation, with the cloaking device being just the bait. As for the artifact sent to the museum, it breaks too, killing all the population in the city (though the city was inside a dome, so the infection is contained there too).

In the Enterprise, the sight of the artifact jogs Saavik’s memories, and she assures Spock that she has seen these things before in Hellguard. And there was an entire arsenal of them. Spock will have to trust Saavik’s recollections, and rely on her knowledge of the underground tunnels of Hellguard, to destroy this menace. So the Enterprise (with Spock as captain) begins a dangerous journey toward the Romulan Empire. The later chapters, where Saavik returns to those tunnels to face the ghosts from her past, are a mixture of reality and her own nightmarish perceptions. It’s one of the most interesting parts, and little by little it reveals everything that happened there. Add to this a planet which is about to explode in volcanic activity, some Romulan attacks, and an auto-destruct sequence, and there’s enough excitement to finish the book in one sitting.

Spirk Meter: 2/10*. A couple of minor examples. During a mind-meld with Spock, Saavik perceives the people in Spock's life as ones who "came and went, adding equations in their passing" and then one that "never left, that one who scrambled Spock's equations on purpose, laughing, illuminating." (presumably referring to Kirk). It's also said that Spock's struggles to express emotion never failed to touch Kirk and delight him. (Thanks to @tigerexe and @schn-tgai-saavik for pointing out the examples).

There's also a moment where McCoy encourages Spock, telling him to "just be himself" to solve a conflict, and a note of affection is said to creep into his voice. But as mentioned above, they're rather hostile in this novel.

[exocynraku]

i am in a very halfjay mood. do you have any ramblings / headcanons?

i can come up with some ^w^ might not be halfjay specifically, moreso half moon + jayfeather headcanons

in more recent moons (asc/cs) jayfeather spends a lot of time sleeping! i imagine he doesn't typically have dreams where he can see unless a starclan cat is also in the dream, so i feel half moon and other cats he's friends with visit him all the time.

some of the cats who visit him are the cats from jay's wing's era! in my headcanons he was really good friends with most of them and knows them really well.

specifically regarding his dreams, if he is seeing, i feel like he'd have extremely vivid and abstract dreams. leaning much much much more into the "completely and utterly absurd" type of dreams people have sometimes.

he's definitely not old but i feel he's adopting some of the traits of an old grouchy person, nitpicky + a bit of 'back in my day' talk.

jayfeather is very methodical and has a daily routine he goes by every day. he hates going against it and doesn't even consider other options most of the time.

in an ideal world i'd like jayfeather and dovewing to make up, but i also like the tension between dovewing and jay/lion/fire/other cats involved in the po3/oots prophecies/thunderclan generally. so it's a bit complicated!

jayfeather is the closest in canon wc they've gotten to my idealistic hyper-specific personality i like giving disabled wc characters (this is more like a fun fact than a headcanon).

half moon to be is black/white + greyish creams and browns. she has really unnatural patterning (stars and sort of "cloudy" shapes.). i imagine her having round and soft features with slightly curled fur.

i always get her mixed up with moth flight in my head, specifically in looks. i'd make them related in some way if i were to edit the family tree!

she's very feminine and definitely fits into the 'love interest' box, though i also imagine her (especially when alive) to be spunky in certain aspects! in death she's had so long to contemplate so many things she's become much more calm and wise, probably very nonchalant and dismissive.

during the time between her death & her discovering jay's wing had been reincarnated into jayfeather, i imagine she spent a lot of time thinking of scenarios with jay's wing. how their lives could've gone differently, completely wild alternate universes, etc. i feel like her perception of jay's wing dulled over time, becoming not particularly accurate until meeting jayfeather, in which she remembered what he was actually like.

half moon despite dying very old, is really young in starclan! like 20~~~ moons, young twenties. i feel like she likes her younger form more, generally the time she was with jayfeather (in which i imagine her being a young adult).

half moon is one of the most respected cats within starclan (being so old, on par with the clan founders) but is generally dismissive towards making and involving herself in prophecies/omens (minus po3/oots, that was her time to shine, and since then she's tuckered out). i feel like she spends a lot of time watching the cats of the living, specifically wandering around the mortal realm! following jayfeather and other cats around, etc.

this is a very specific headcanon of mine but i feel like jayfeather is very cold all the time (physically, in temperature), unless half moon is around. her spirit is warm and 'fuzzy' of sorts and it helps him tell when she's there.

i hope this is good? there are certain canon cats and wc ships i definitely like but i'm not very good at actually thinking about anything related to canon wc. i want to get "into it" (??????) but i think it being so long since i've read the books is hindering me xp

[os-eclipses-tamen-son-yuri]

I think the addition of Tsuwabuki to the plot line of RGU is genius, BUT especially so linking him narratively with Nanami.

Something about... depicting a child who wants to be a prince to protect princesses (the narrative male gender role) with initialy good intentions; and taking that and making him end up looking up to Touga (and everything he represents; The Student Prince) .

Already showing the seeds of the instrumentalisation of his role as a man when stalking Nanami in an extremely creepy way and manipulating her to get on her good graces, even if it DOES put her in danger.

Something about growing up and feeling the despair of seeing the boys you care about in your life (who already had privilege over you as a girl, even if they didn't know how to fully exploit) turn into mysoginistic men...

Seeing this kid who at the very start you think: "well he's still just a child, maybe he won't be like the other men, maybe he'll just be a sweet boy so that Nanami gets some character development and nothing more, a one-episode character and then realize that...no. It's not that he's different from the others, it's that he has yet to be like them.

In Ohtori, Tsuwabuki is a "kid". Really, all of them are. But the show makes a very clear separation between kids before adolescence and teenagers. What's interesting is that, in Utena, the designs of everyone who is at least a teenager support the narrative theme of the adultification they suffer, which is clearer with the younger girls. Nanami and Tsuwabuki have a 3 year age gap, the same as her and her brother. This allows us to really see the disparity between their desires.

Nanami "loves" his brother because she has been brought up to believe that he is to be idolised, the he is HER prince.

Touga wishes to become A Prince (not an Ideal Prince like Dios, for his behaviour clearly tells otherwise; after all, he is following the steps of the "Captured Prince" but that's a story for another day).

And then there's Tsuwabuki, whose core desire is... becoming an adult.

But adults are complicated, especially in Ohtori, for they don't really exist. Ohtori is a corrupted Neverland where its Peter Pan is an adult only when compared to all the children that surround him. For can someone really be considered an adult when they willfully remain inside their own man-made eggshell. Choosing death –for only those who are dead lose any ability to grow up– so long as he remains in control. A chick growing inside their coffin, with no desire to see the outside world. The most childish desire of them all.

But kids look up to their older peers. It's only natural.

AGAIN we see this idea of boys becoming oppressive and learning to use their privilege kinda reprised (or rather, Nanami being once more the reflection) with Dios/Akio and Anthy and Akio and Touga.

How "The prince" ends up manifesting in all boys and men in Ohtori, how his ghost(s) haunt those men both dead and alive. Younger and older men alike...

[aihoshiino]

Hi there! I'd like to know your thoughts about the side stories. What do you like/dislike about Viewpoint B and 44510?

i like everything about them and dislike nothing <3 KDJSKJDSKNDKS

Honestly even joking aside it's hard for me to think of any beef I have with either sidestory because I think they're both incredible additions to OnK both as standalone expansions and when put in conversation with each other. I guess with a gun to my head I'd say I don't like that the manga ends up really fumbling Nino as a character after setting her up as such a deeply realistically complicated person in 45510 or that Kyun ends up never coming up in the main manga at all despite there being some really juicy potential for including her in the Movie Arc alongside Nino and Takamine, who both had their own complicated relationships with Ai. BUT!! That's basically it.

For 45510, like I said - I love what an incredibly complicated tangle of feelings Akasaka manages to convey with Nino's first person POV, how her stated 'hatred' of Ai is so obviously at odds with her fascination with and desire for her long before Nino ever comes out and admits her fervent devotion. But I also think it's really good and really important that even as it makes clear Nino's hostility and blame towards Ai, it never judges or blames her for it in turn.

This is actually something both sidestories do really well that I really appreciate - it does a lot to humanise the gen 1 B-Komachi girls and to make very clear that the miserable environment of the group was not the fault of any person in it, but the natural result of the way they were managed by Ichigo and the way they were treated by the rest of the industry. It doesn't downplay their culpability in making Ai feel isolated but it gives the gen 1 girls' perspective on why that isolation happened equal weight and validity to Ai's. It's not a simple black and white conflict but a two sided failure to communicate and connect.

To this end, both the sidestories touch on something that the manga itself doesn't really make explicit until the Movie Arc - how incredibly fucking frustrating "Ai of B-Komachi" is to deal with on a personal, moment to moment basis. Both Nino and Kyun talk about her being distant and having her walls up and even when you can get a conversation out of her, her words feel scripted - and this makes it impossible to get to know her. But it also makes very clear that the isolation this results in is extremely hard on Ai, too - again, that two-sided failure to communicate.

Viewpoint B is the one that best gets this across out of the two and it's definitely my favourite, though for lots of other reasons lol. It's the only place in the series where we hear the perspective of an ex-idol and what her experiences are in the wake of her own fame. Kyun's burnout and the way she's treated by society once she's no longer an idol are both really fascinating to read on their own terms and also, imo, add a lot to Ai's story as well in helping to explain and really get across just why Ai was so trapped in the entertainment industry - society is already so cruel to ex-idols who aren't autistic abuse survivors with no high school education. There really was no other place she could go to support herself.

I also just really like the prose in general - I really love how consistent Kyun's character voice is across the two timeframes is while still being distinctly informed by the stages of her life. The older Kyun feels so wistful, resigned and even a little tired while the younger Kyun really feels like someone on the cusp of adulthood, surprisingly insightful and mature at times but still dealing with her youthful hotheadedness and the fresh enormity of complicated adult feelings and responsibilities. You can really feel the seeds of her more contemplative and calm adult self starting to blossom in the younger Kyun even just over the course of her conversation with Ai and that really distinct sense of continuity between the two is super compelling to me.

And speaking of Ai: she's here!!!! Obviously we also get some time with her in 45510, but that's more in line with the main series post-volume 1 snippets of her in short flashbacks and recordings. Viewpoint B's story is a flashback, but it's only really made one because of the framing device - the prose very much places us directly in the younger Kyun's head and so it's kind of exciting to get this little snippet of extra time with Ai in the flesh. Especially because - IMO - Viewpoint B contains some of the most important Ai characterization in the series, to the extent that prior to Nino appearing in the main manga, I considered Viewpoint B way more essential reading than 45510.

Viewpoint B is the only place in the series where Ai gets a chance to really just talk about what being an idol means to her and what "Ai of B-Komachi" represents to her, personally, rather than what it means for the fans. It's also important as additive characterization for Ai, emphasizing and doubling down on aspects of her personality we see in the main series - her kindness, her efforts to understand other people despite her struggles and her blase attitude towards the persistent mistreatment she endures for basically her whole life. Not only is it just nice to get these things reiterated in a pre-twins and pre-Hikaru context (and thus establish that Ai has always been this way) but I think it's also really important for establishing that.. yes! Ai really is just like this.

It's easy to forget now we're at the end of the manga and we've had basically the whole Movie Arc jackhammering "Ai was just a normal girl and the only part of her that was fake was pretending she was perfect" into our heads, but Viewpoint B came out in March of 2023, which is when (at least in the Western fandom) the idea that Ai might be Secretly Evil or that the sides of her we see on-screen were entirely fake or a mask were still extremely popular ways to interpret her. Viewpoint B makes it crystal clear that the supposed 'real Ai' is still just Ai and that her idol self isn't some distinct, fake persona separate from the real thing - she's just a different side of Ai's real, authentic self.

I also really adore the Viewpoint B audio drama! Honestly there's still a little part of me that can't fucking believe it exists lol. Takahashi's performances as Kyun and Ai are just mindboggling. She has the range!!!! Godddddd I want to believe so bad they'll do an OVA adaptation of it someday... plsplsplspls dogakobo, i've been so good...

[lone-pylon]

My Thoughts on the Nuances Behind 47's Emotional Dependency:

This is going to be a long post, so I'll put it behind a Read More:

I often find myself coming back to the post-Dubai cutscene where Lucas questions 47 about things he had never had the time or care to think about before. Things like his future, his desires, his loyalty to Diana. He has so much trust in her. So much so that, when challenged by the first person he ever trusted, admired, and befriended, he still firmly defends her. Grey's reasoning behind his distrust of Diana is: "I don't like executive decision makers" Well, of course he doesn't. Lucas is extremely emotionally-driven, and understands fully the consequences of blindly relying on authority. Whereas 47 doesn't. 47 has always been dependent. We see this early in his life when he bonds with 6/Lucas. Lucas was always independent and free-thinking, always asking questions and acting as 47's big brother and guardian figure. 47 was always seen as the Most Gifted Boy, never asking questions and never failing to please his superiors. He had expectations to carry, and fulfilling those expectations gave him a sense of purpose in life. It wasn't until he started clinging to 6 that he began deviating from those very expectations, resulting in his -to put it bluntly- chemical lobotomy.

It's been shown over and over again that 47 is, in fact, a fear-driven person. He constantly seeks approval from those he perceives as authorities to himself, those who know exactly who they are, what they're doing, and what they expect of him (Ort-Meyer, Lucas, and Diana later on). His desire for meaning stems directly from fear: fear of imperfection, fear of death, fear of betrayal, fear of uselessness. Every facet of his Self is influenced by fear. So, when confronted with someone who nurses every one of those fears (Diana), he attaches himself to them, because they confirm his own perceptions of safety and purpose.

It's so... Tragic. He is wholeheartedly dependent on Diana. From the surface, it'd be easy to say "47 isn't dependent, he's a competent adult." But then you peel back the layers and you realize, no, he is dependent. He needs to be.

Diana pursued a degree in psychology because, in a revenge-driven obsession, she wanted to understand what made people tick. She wanted to learn how to manipulate, to control, to dominate. When she met this man, this emotionless, confused, empty person, she saw an opportunity for herself. She didn't feel anything for him. No pity, no sympathy, no understanding. Instead, she was almost giddy at the realization. She saw 47 as nothing but a tool to further her own goals and to propel her reputation; to say to Soders "I told you so". 47 was the only agent she was able to successfully control because he was, in her own words, a blank slate. She could puppet him however she wanted and leave no loose strings. And 47 had no idea. All he wanted was a path, a purpose, a goal, and she gave it to him. And it was easy.

After Dubai, Lucas tells 47: "You have to face the possibility that there's no going back" But he can't. 47 immediately responds with defending Diana, going back to that safe, comforting dependency: "She'll make it right. She always does." He doesn't want to face that possibility. He responds the way he does as if to say "Don't make me think about things I don't understand". His response to things that confuse him are just another reaction to things that scare him. Anything he can't predict, understand, analyze, or kill, is terrifying, and he no longer has the means to grapple those complicated feelings. Instead, he attempts to avoid them altogether, to derail the topic with something more logical to him, more predictable, more safe. But the part that breaks my heart the most is the pre-Romania cutscene. The nightmare sequence, right after he's poisoned. The entire cutscene is showing us his inner thoughts, his fears. What makes it so tragic, though, is that all of these fears are speaking in Diana's voice. Even in his own mind, his existence still revolves around her. All of his fears, his self-loathing, rely on her judgement. They aren't even his own thoughts anymore. She is the one holding the scales.

It isn't until we see Lucas appear in these hallucinations that we finally see some sort of reasoning happening in 47's thoughts. We hear his voice, his own cognition, his admission of unknowing. This is the point where he's finally breaking free of his strings, asking himself "What do I do?" to which the ultimate response is a resounding "Embrace yourself, but don't let the past define you."

[blossomthepinkbunny]

Character development in HB

(and why it doesn't really happen)

I think another reason why the characters of HB feel flat/underdeveloped is because there are a lot of the same revelations made time and time again, without any real progession. It seems as if the writers assume that writing a character arc is just doing the same stuff just more extreme.

Loona realized that she should appreciate Blitzø more two times already (three times if you count "Spring Broken"). In the Beelzebub episode she cares for him when he got drunk after trying to pick her up from the party. In "Seeing Stars" she tells Octavia that their dads might be annoying sometimes, but they care very deeply actually. We also get some insight into how Blitzø first adopted Loona in "Seeing Stars", when she was in a state of needing someone who takes care of her. Despite all these moments were Blitzø showed great care for her (including "Spring Broken") and despite the moments where she realizes she should be nicer to him, we never see a definitive change in her behaviour. Her helping to take out the C.H.E.R.U.B could be counted as having a new attitude towards her dad, but Millie and Moxxie also followed him, so it's not an exclusive decision she made. And if her not wanting her dad to die is a new trait of hers, then I don't know what I should think of her character to begin with.

Octavia has the exact same conversation about her relationship with her dad twice. In "LooLoo Land" she finds out that Stolas cares more than she realized and that adult relationships are more complicated than she expected. In "Seeing stars" Loona and her talk about how Stolas loves her a lot more than he is able to show. Octavias character is stale and there is never a new conclusion she draws from these experiences.

In another way, Stolas realizes that his daughter feels neglected and he wants to be more present for her, yet after that we never see him spend more time with her and after a few episodes she feels neglected once again.

We get to see some insight into Millies character in "Unhappy Campers". We see that she is pretty insecure in her own worth and needs approval. In some of the leaks for the unreleased ghost episode, Millie apparently is going to try to commit suicide because she feels useless and has insecurities. We get the same revelations for her, just that the second time it's way more intense. But despite this intensity, these deep feelings Millie has never come up until the show sees them as "relevant" (keep in mind this part with Millie is only based on the leaks I saw, take this one with a grain of salt maybe).

In the newest episode Stolas realizes that Blitzø isn't really interested in a deeper relationship with him. Blitzø tells him off, just as he did in "Ozzies" with Stolas coming to a pretty similar conclusion after Blitzø told him off and didn't take the offer to hang out in a non sexual context. He and Blitzø also text, which we see in "Western Energy". Stolas tells Blitzø that he doesn't have to show up to their annual meeting or that they can meet up for other, not sexual stuff. Blitzø never responds enthusiastically or like he is genuinely interested in getting to know Stolas. Stolas has found out that Blitzø isn't really interested in him beyond the deal multiple times. Yet in the newest episode, he acts shocked and saddened, as if this is something he just found out about.

I know that character development takes time and it's not realistic for people to immediately change after having one revelation about their behaviour. In HB however, the character arcs feel like they turn on and off however the show needs them to.

Loona is abusive, annoyed and cynical when the show wants to be funny (that's pretty much the only joke she has). When the show wants to tackle her seriously she becomes a scared, closed off, but still able to be genuine person who realizes that she needs to be better. They want her to become better but they also never let her fully go through with trying to change. Octavia is never seen on screen until the show wants to present Stolas as a better dad than he seems. So she can't progress because then, her whole purpose as a character (as it is now) is defeated. Millie is a seriously insecure person needing of approval in scenarios where they want to have conflict with Moxxie (or make her seem more deep ig) but in other instances we can't see her insecurity, because she also needs to fullfill her purpose of being Moxxies hypewoman and full support. Stolas wants to dial back his sexual side towards Blitzø to make him realize he isn't just interested in their deal. He wants them to be genuine and says himself, that he doesn't like just making their relationship sexual. He makes sexual remarks towards Blitzø in "Seeing Stars" and doesn't show restraint in talking about him sexually in "Western Energy".

The characters feel like they loop around and don't develop because a lot of them are just acting how the plot needs them to act in a specific scenario. That's either because they never get real focus that would help adequately deal with their stuff, or that it's pretty clear that they weren't written with the intention of having big arcs/deeper motivations.

I think the biggest development any character had throughout HB is Stolas realizing he wants more out of his and Blitzø's relationship (even though that came very suddenly) and Fizzarolli and Blitzø becoming friends again (which was also kinda rushed but it's fine). Blitzø in general is one of the better written characters in the show in my opinion and he has some nice moments amd interesting interactions.

Also, @wolfscarr has a three part set of posts talking about the problems with HBs narrative, wasted relationships and opportunities. It's really thorough and makes interesting points about the broken narrative of HB. I'll put the link to the first part right here if you wanna check it out.

[daisyychainssj]

I know the whole Richas and Tallulah conflict happened hours ago and it reached a resolution and stuff but I'm just now catching up with it so I'm gonna write out my feelings about it because I think the whole thing and the way everyone is interpreting it differently is really interesting. I'm probably going to end up saying things that people said like hours ago so sorry if it's a bit repetitive to read!

!THIS IS ALL ABOUT THE CHARACTERS NOT THE CCS!

Richas POV - Okay so firstly, Richas' pov is probably the most complicated because he (obviously) has a much more complex relationship and understanding of the paintings. Not only do they cause him to be distressed because of how they're created but seeing it up on Philza's wall has just shown him that his pai Cellbit betrayed his trust. He didn't get rid of the paintings and instead has been just handing them out behind his back and I can't imagine how gut wrenching that must've been. Tallulah get's defensive about the painting and so she becomes the target of all of his hurt, frustration and fear. He is so worked up over this (understandably) and is getting increasingly frustrated because nobody is listening to him. He didn't agree to the "not be siblings anymore" ultimatum because he truly felt that way, I think he was just blinded by pure desperation. This poor kid NEEDS to be given the opportunity to sit down with someone and open up about this whole Romero Richas situation and he needs to be listened to and his fears taken seriously.

Tallulah POV - Now onto Tallulah's pov. For Tallulah this painting is a cute art piece of her papa phil and her brother Chayanne and suddenly her other brother is demanding that he take it back. Yes it's his painting but also she's a kid, in her eyes this painting was given to them and it's theirs now why would she give it back just so it can be destroyed? Also, Tallulah is the sweet egg! the kind egg! oh she's just so lovely and that's all there is to her!!!!! (sense my sarcasm here) sometimes when that is the way that someone presents themselves it's because they're scared that if they aren't that way they won't be liked/loved and people will leave if they're not prefect. This girl has abandonment issues on top of abandonment issues and Richas agreed to not be her sibling anymore over a painting. So this impacted her HARD. (we ofc know Richas didn't mean it but her character didn't) Tallulah acts out and (from her pov) stands her ground for once and now her brother doesn't want to be her brother anymore. I also think her throwing a tantrum and being a bratty made some of the audience even more shocked and dare I say frustrated at Tallulah behaving like this during this situation because that's not how they're used to her being. She was being stubborn and giving these intense ultimatums but she can be like this I think people just don't see it often because she only really lets her guards down in that way infront of Phil and Chayanne.

So now you have two extremely worked up kids who won't really listen to each other because their emotions are so heightened and that's to be expected! Children can not and should not be expected to regulate their emotions in the same way adults can.

Forever POV - His entire pov of the situation is very interesting to me. I see a lot of people criticising the way he handled this and to a certain extent I do agree. However, I think something that is being overlooked is that Forever perhaps wanting to make sure Tallulah was okay is because that is not his child. He only got permission literally yesterday to look after her after being previously denied. With Richas he can sit with him for HOURS afterwards if needed to try and talk through things. He has to drop Tallulah home in like an hour. It's very obvious to everyone on the island how close she is with Phil, she will tell him everything that happened during her time with the other parents. It makes sense, to me, for Forever to want to try and smooth the situation out as fast as he can and make everything okay. Do I think that makes the way he acted completely fine. No. but I don't think it makes zero sense for him to have acted that way. Also, him being Richas' pai means he's seen Richas have tantrums and be dramatic and bratty, he's never ever seen Tallulah do that so yeah he's going to panic and be like "oh shit I need to calm her down/make sure she's okay because this is unusual". I really do wish he had taken Richas' feelings and concerns more more seriously and hadn't just left him for a bit hopefully in the future he makes sure that he does that. It's a learning curve and he's learning to parent as he goes! He crash landed on an island and then got a child dropped into his lap to take care of so he's kinda just learning on the job.

BBH POV - I don't really have much to say here, I think bad handled the situation well given what he canonically knows about the Romero Richas situation (which is basically nothing) He encouraged Tallulah to talk things through with Richas and kept explaining how important their bond is and idk I just think BBH did a really good job.

Overall, I LOVE that the eggs are getting storylines with each other and are learning and growing. I'm so glad that Richas and Tallulah made up, they both need a warm hug and some hot chocolate or something after that whole ordeal. Little kids feeling big emotions for the first time is tough! but they did great <3

(I apologise if I missed anything important that happened between Richas and Forever when they were alone, I don't speak Portuguese but I tried my best based on the bits and pieces that the wonderful Portuguese speakers on here have translated!)

Anyway that's my long ass essay done! <3

[sharpth1ng]

What do you think of Roman Bridger? Will he ever appear?

I think in isolation from the rest of the original trilogy Roman is an entertaining character and Scott Foley does a good job in the role. There's even a lot I like about scream 3, I think the extremely meta concept of having a scream movie happen on set for a stab movie is pretty clever and there's a lot of potential there.

However, I really really dislike Roman's origin and I think that overall his presence weakens the series, especially the first movie.

Roman's Motive

Literally he's trying to get revenge on Sid because Maureen put him up for adoption after she was sexually assaulted when she was just 19. I get that it's hard to be adopted, I have sympathy for the complicated feelings that would bring up, but Roman is a grown man getting revenge on his birth mom, who was a literally teenager when he was non-consensually conceived. It's pretty vile.

The movie clearly knows this is a gross motivation but it feels pretty played out to bring it back to Maureen's sexual history again. At least in the original she was having a consensual affair with Cotton Weary, but punishing her in the narrative for a sexual assault feels nasty. Leave this poor woman alone, she's been post-mortem slut shamed enough.

2. The Billy & Stu retcon

The second thing I don't love about Roman is that he takes responsibility for the original Woodsboro Massacre, saying that he's the one who gave Billy the idea and basically told him how to pull it off. In my opinion this really weakens the original movie.

Part of what works so well about Scream 1996 is how petty and teenage it is. The slasher villain isn't this omnipotent force of nature that seems able to teleport and survive all wounds, it's literally two 18 year old boys doing a bunch of fucked up stuff for fun. That's unique, it's fun, and its an actual commentary on the genre.

Coming back five years later and being like "Oh wait actually it was this adult mastermind pulling the strings behind the scenes this whole time!" just really cheapens all of that. It weakens the strongest movie in the franchise and I can't forgive that.

So yeah, for me scream 3 isn't canon, or at the very least Roman is lying about the fact that he gave Billy the idea. As of now I don't have plans to include him in the series, but if I do he's going to be in a very different form.

(If you like scream 3 and Roman and all that comes with him, thats totally fine, its just not for me)

[velvet-waltz]

Character Study: Sylvia Leventhal-Landa (in Velvet Waltz)

This one is about my OC, my main gal, my number one baddest bitch in at least 3 major cities, Sylvia Leventhal-Landa. This is part one, in which I only talk about her in Velvet Waltz; after Stranger in Paradise finishes, I'll write a part two about her arc in that fic.

So who exactly is this ballsy dame who joined the French resistance as an undercover agent, survived an explosion, and got captured by the SS, only to turn their star Standartenführer's entire life and being inside out and change the course of the war??

(spoilers for Velvet Waltz throughout, obviously)

[Just a note that I don't do face claims or anything like that; the pics I chose are just vintage photos that remind me of her. I personally feel however you imagine her is valid!]

OCs are always so two-dimensional and boring.

I'm truly sorry you feel that way!

Does this one have a personality at least???

I think so! Sylvia has a lot of flaws: she's a bit too tough for her own good, a little neurotic, can be emotionally volatile (especially if she's let it build up for awhile), stubborn, and tends to catastrophize. It drives her crazy to *not know.* But she's also thoughtful, extremely loyal, driven by her ideals, and always, always tries to do the right thing, no matter the consequences. Her superpower as an agent is her strong emotional intelligence; she's very good at getting someone on her side, with a controlled opennness. She lets you in but only so far.

She loves the ocean, NY bagels (high standards), crossword puzzles, strong coffee, and sleeping in. She hates hot weather, overripe bananas, wearing heels, and every form of injustice.

Again, however you imagine her is valid! But physically, she's average height, on the heavier/curvy side (what midwesterners call "sturdy"), has greenish-hazel eyes, and dark blonde hair (although she dyes it repeatedly for her cover identities) which she wears in low-maintenance styles. She usually goes for a natural look in both hair and makeup. For clothes, she likes cardigans, collared shirts, simple dresses with pockets, or jeans, with oxfords or loafers.

So who is she, anyway?

Sylvia Leventhal was born in Chicago but mainly grew up on a small farm west of the city, which her father bought when she was small. Her family was lower middle class; the farm, unfortunately, never turned a reliable profit. Her sister Nora is 6 years older, enough of an age difference that she generally had no one to play with, and spent long hours alone in the cornfield. She came to love books, puzzles, and quiet pondering alone in nature.

The most significant thing about her upbringing, though? Her father is Jewish. Her mother is Catholic. In an attempt to blend in with their small Illinois town, her parents raised Sylvia and Nora "vaguely Protestant." She grows up with a sense that whatever they are is wrong and should be hidden.

That sounds...complicated, especially during WWII.

It is. Having grown up so detached from her Jewish heritage, and not particularly believing in anything, the question of identity becomes more and more difficult for her as she grows up. After finishing her linguistics degree at Northwestern, and a very painful breakup, Sylvia heads east to NY, where she lives on the Lower East Side. She befriends practicing Jews there who encourage her to connect with that part of herself. By the time the US enters the war, she's choosing to identify herself as Jewish, while also unsure if she'll ever be "Jewish enough." (a common conundrum, lol)

(Identity is a theme among the agents in her SOE unit; like Alain, the young gay man who uses his cover identity to play with other, less masked versions of himself. Having "pretended" to blend in for so much of her life, it's not a stretch for Sylvia to take on new identities.)

What's her relationship like with her sister and parents?

Nora's the "good sister," always the better student, had the cleaner bedroom, and as an adult, fully embraced her Jewishness by joining a Reform temple and marrying an observant man. As a housewife with children, she looks down on Sylvia, even more when she comes home from Europe with Hans. Sylvia tries over the years to mend their relationship, but with each visit, it feels more and more that Nora only comes to New York to condescend to her.

Ironically, Sylvia's father warms to Hans more than her mother, who finds the whole thing distasteful. They attend the wedding but leave the reception early and become more distant after. As a result, Sylvia rarely visits. She has a lot of guilt about it - as does Hans - but her mother seems unwilling to budge.

How does she end up in Occupied Paris?

I touch on this in VW but officially: She initially signs up to be a WAC (Women's Army Corps, doing non-combat work for the military), through WAC training meets someone connected to recruitment for overseas intelligence work. Captain Peter Blackwell of the British Special Operations Executive sees that she's studied languages and screens her. He's impressed by her emotional intelligence, and willingness to engage in risky missions and combat, and recruits her for a special team: young people gathering intelligence from Nazis, in the guise of service workers, in occupied Paris.

Her first cover identity is "Greta Van Horn," a Swiss art student who works shifts at the Soldatenkaffee (a coffee shop exclusively for German soldiers.)

Sylvia and Hans are an ideal match for each other.

There's intense physical chemistry between them right away, which Sylvia tries to ignore for as long as she possibly can. But as their individual walls come down and they begin to trust one another, all bets are off. In his willingness to sacrifice his own safety for her, she sees a softer, more human side of Hans, and despite her own reservations, falls hard.

For Hans, it's initially a fun diversion: can I get this ferocious resistance fighter to willingly come to my bed? By the time he realizes how hard he's fallen for her, it's much too late to turn back.

The seeming disharmony between the people they are, and what they stand for, is a huge obstacle, of course. But as they work together on sabotage - especially alongside the Basterds - she understands Hans is capable of change, and suddenly a future together seems possible.

Where Sylvia tends towards anxious brooding, Hans is calm and extremely rational. Where Hans is cold and detached, Sylvia feels deeply and reads the feelings of others easily.

Hans deeply respects her intelligence and intensity. He knows she's a true equal and for the first time in his life, he doesn't prefer to be alone. Whereas Sylvia, after her previous engagement fell apart, was prepared to spend the rest of her life alone. Hans coming along absolutely blindsides her, but she realizes this is the husband she never knew she wanted: stimulating, adventurous, and utterly adores her. She never thought anyone could see her so clearly and love her that much.

But what about all the killing...

Yeah, about that. In Velvet Waltz, she wrestles constantly with whether can she spend the rest of her life with a man who's done so much evil, even as it's plain to her how much he's changed. Hans tries to shield her from the specifics of his past, and for about a decade, he's successful.

But crimes like his will never go away. And as much as Sylvia tries to move past it, the question never leaves the back of her mind.

In Stranger in Paradise, the extent of Hans' violence comes bubbling to the surface in a big way, and Sylvia has to rethink her commitment to the love of her life.

The fact is, no matter how much he seems to have changed or how many lives he may have saved in those last 6 months or so of the war, he's still the same man who killed hundreds of innocents, some with his own hands. It will always be a struggle for someone as justice-minded as Sylvia to deal with that.

Sylvia's the best thing that ever happened to him...and also the worst.

Sylvia cracks Hans open. As I said in Hans' character analysis, the 'Landa machine' falls apart as soon as he wants something he can only have by putting himself second. And to have Sylvia, he must behave in ways that jeopardize his position, his reputation, and his own safety.

In cracking him open, she awakens his guilt, which sentences him to a lifetime of misery and self-loathing. Without her? He would've likely gotten away with everything and never felt an ounce of remorse. Now? He has a life with her, and the horrors of his own doing plague him day and night. This is the price he pays for loving Sylvia.

How does Sylvia get along with each of the Basterds?

Aldo - Sylvia's first impression of Aldo is that he's a hell of a character. Almost a cartoon. She's also alarmed by his quickness to resort to violence (like when he 'interrogates' Hans by tying him to a tree and beating the shit out of him.) He's stubborn, and butts heads constantly with Hans, which is a headache for her as well. But she quickly respects his down-home directness and commitment to his mission. For Aldo, he naturally has his suspicions about an American agent in a romantic situation with an SS officer, and wonders if she isn't just naive. But over time, and especially after the 84 Foch raid, he comes to truly respect her, and develops a real fondness. He isolates himself after the war and rarely writes back, which pains Sylvia a great deal. She never stops reaching out.

Donny: Much like Aldo, Donny initially sees Sylvia as a Nazi's whore, full stop, and he's horrified that a Jewish woman would stoop to that. When Aldo sends Donny back to Paris to keep an eye on the two of them, he's prepared to dispatch her as violently as he would any Nazi, should she betray them. But of course, she doesn't, and as they spend more time together in the house, he comes to really genuinely like her, even finding her attractive. His little speech about a "nice Jewish boy" is less about trying to steal her away from Hans, and more just an expression of admiration, and not fully understanding how she and Hans came to be. He's saying, 'I really deeply admire you, and under any other circumstances, I would try to marry you.' For Sylvia, she finds Donny very unnverving, for a long time. Partly his intensity and partly a physical attraction she's afraid to acknowledge. By the time Donny admits he's attracted to her, she's warmed to him quite a bit, and that scene gives her a nice fork in the road moment. She knows Hans is her person, she's already chosen her path; but she pauses to consider what her life would be if she chose Donny instead. It would be easier for sure. But Hans is the one. Donny may not fully understand why she's chosen Hans, but he starts to see what they have, and respects it. Of all the comrades lost in Operation Kino, Donny and Bunny are the two she grieves the most. She and Hans become acquainted with the Donowitzes, and make a point of visiting them in Boston when they go to their house on Nantucket, as well as visiting Donny's marker in the Jewish cemetery.

Wicki, as an Austrian Jew, has a particular distaste for Hans and never fully warms to him. But he likes Sylvia almost immediately. He's impressed by an American who can speak multiple languages and by her straightforwardness. Of all the Basterds, he's the quickest to trust her intentions.

Stiglitz, honestly, barely notices she exists. lol. She's a little freaked out by him but of course, he's useful, especially at 84 Foch. He has exactly one thing on his mind at all times - killing Nazis - so her presence is neither here nor there. But like Wicki, he also quickly decides she's trustworthy.

Omar and Sylvia don't interact much. Omar is pretty weirded out by the entire concept of a Jewish american spy hooking up with a Nazi officer but comes around once he sees her intentions are true.

Hirschberg, however, openly dislikes her and expects her to sell them out. Even during the 84 Foch raid, when she and Hans are a bit late, he assumes they've been set up. It's Donny who snaps at him to shut up.

And what about her bestie Alain??

Of course. "Alain Fournier" (legal name Robert Dixon) trained alongside Sylvia for their mission and they quickly became close friends. Alain is quippy and sees a joke in everything, but he's also very intelligent, and loves discussing ideas as well as gossip. They have their own secret code to reassure the other that they're safe: leaving a toffee wrapper (Sylvia) or a gum wrapper (Alain) at a drop point. When Hans begins investigating Sylvia, Alain is the first agent in her circuit he approaches, and immediately ropes him in. Their mutual adoration of Sylvia bonds them, although Alain never fully gets over his fear of him, lol.

Without spoilering Stranger, let's just say a Basterd's work is never done...and when Hans and Sylvia are asked to hunt down a missing Nazi scientist in Los Angeles, they end up reuniting with some old friends...

So if you enjoyed this analysis, and Velvet Waltz, I do hope you'll continue on to Stranger in Paradise where I am having TOO much fun, probably!!!!