#and i theres a lot i need to do here too already. but this is my house and i can make it a mess if i want to
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𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙊𝙛 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙈𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩
ni-ki + f¡reader ❤︎ 18+
WARNINGS — dom!ni-ki, sub¡reader, arguing, making out, cussing, rough sex, unprotected sex (dont do it.) sucking him off, hair pulling, spanking, pet names.
this is proofread ദ്ദി(。•̀ ,<) !!!
Last night, Riki and you had got into a huge argument about him being on the phone 24/7. You already overthink a lot and seeing him do that raises your suspicions even if it may really be nothing. You thought he was texting some other girl, with the way he's been ignoring you and too engrossed on the screen. When you brought it up, he was calm about it and told you it was nothing, just him doing work. Though you didn't believe that, and kept nagging at him, so then he snapped. After that, the both of you have been silent, not even looking at eachother once.
On a midnight around 10:45 pm, Riki got back from work and took off his jacket, hanging it on the coat hanger, still in his suit. He kicks off his shoes and sees you in the kitchen, cooking. He doesn't bother to say anything and just walks upstairs to the bedroom, slamming the door which caused you to jump at the sound, sighing.
You finish cooking him something to eat and make your way upstairs, knocking gently on the door. Theres no reply, its just silent. You grab the knob and turn it slowly, opening it and seeing Riki yet again on his phone, sitting on the bed with his head against his arm. He doesn't acknowledge the fact that your there, so you take a step closer, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Riki?" You whisper softly, but there still isn't a reply. "Riki."
He finally lifts his head up, meeting your eyes with an intense gaze. "Look I had a shitty day at work, I don't need this. " he says with a grunt, breaking eyecontact with you. "I'm not here to argue with you, I made you dinner." Saying softly, he looks up at you, "cool, not hungry." You frown, placing the plate on the nightstand, "You better eat." He snaps his head back up to look at you, crossing his arms. "And you better leave my room."
You sit there, a bit upset at how harsh he's being. You spent a lot of time making him food and the fact that he's rejecting it? Over a dumb argument?
"Really, Riki? Why are you being like this?" He ignores you, still on his phone, you furrow your eyebrows and slightly peek to see what he's doing. "What the hell are you doing that's so important, I dont understand!?-" he cuts you off when he slams his phone down on the nightstand, causing it to shake. "You wanna check my fucking phone?" He grabs it, tossing it to you. You stare at it, unsure what to do at this point. "Go, check it since your on my dick about it all the time."
"I don't need to.. I trust you, I just want your attention, Ki." He pokes his tongue through his cheek, shaking his head slightly. He gets up from the bed, staring down at you. "It's not like I'm purposely ignoring you, I have a lot to do." You get up as well, looking up at him, "I know and I'm sorry." He turns his head the other way, grunting. "Let me make it up to you... please? I'll do anything, Ki."
He doesn't reply, so you decide there isn't any use and your about to leave the room til he grabs you, pushing you harshly against the wall, pinning your body down. You gasp from the sudden movement, swallowing hard and locking eyecontact with him.
He smashes his lips against yours in a harsh kiss, your eyes widen for a moment before you give in, wrapping your arms around his neck. Once your lips part, he slips his tongue inside your mouth, rubbing it against yours while trailing his hand down to wrap around your waist, a moan escapes your lips. He slowly pulls back, the both of you panting heavily.
Barely a few seconds passed by and he dives back in, this time leaving a trail of wet sloppy and rough kisses on your neck, sucking or nipping at the skin. You grip onto the back of his hair, rolling your eyes back. "A-ah mmph, Ki..." He leaves a few marks on your neck before pulling back slightly. "Make it up to me huh?" He groans out as you nod, confirming this. He places his hands on your shoulders, shoving you onto your knees.
"Take off my belt." You widen your eyes, knowing where this is going before undoing his belt slowly, his hand coming down to yank your hair back roughly, a whimper escaping your mouth. "Hurry the fuck up." You gulp as he lets go of your hair, working faster this time and finally slipping it off, tossing it aside before looking up at him to guide you. "I think you know what to do from here, hm?" He looks down at you, your hand moving up and unzipping his pants, yanking it down along with his boxers.
His cock springs free, its big and has a slight curve to it. You admire his length for a moment before swallowing hard. "R-riki... I don't know if that'll fit in my mouth." He slides his hand down to cup your cheek, "I'm sure you can do it, babygirl. And if you don't i'll shove it down your throat myself." Your eyes wide in surprise from his words, his thumb running against your bottom lip. He's never usually this rough with you, but maybe it's because of your earlier arguments. He's probably frustrated.
"So, can you handle that, or what? Or are you gonna back out now, because fuck, if you start and then can't finish, I swear to god." Gulping, you shake your head and murmur out, "I-I'll try..." Nervously hesitating, you wrap your hand around the base, your palm and fingers barely around the length fully due to his huge size, placing gentle kisses on the head of his cock. He places his hand on the wall behind you, biting his lower lip. Finally you take only the tip inside your mouth, sucking and kitty licking it. "Fffuck..." he groans out, tilting his head back. Your tongue swirls around the head, his cock already leaking pre-cum as his free hand comes down to grip your hair, pulling you closer.
This causes you to take more of his length, almost choking. Grabbing his hips for balance, you move your head lower, bobbing your head up and down at a slow pace. "Fuck yeah... just like that baby." He grunts out deeply, fluttering his eyes shut in pleasure. "Damnit... your mouth feels so good."
His breath hitches as your head moves up and down at a faster pace. He starts bucking his hips forward, thrusting deep down your throat and causing you to gag, drool forming and dripping down the corner of your mouth. "Fuck I'm gonna cum." he pulls his cock out of your mouth and you instantly gasp, a string of saliva attached from your lips to the tip of his cock, panting heavily.
"Bend over for me baby." He breathes out, you follow his orders and lay onto the bed with your hips up, your ass in the air. He climbs behind you, pressing his bare cock against your shorts. You bite your lower lip and push your ass back against him, a loud groan escaping his mouth. He wraps his thick arms around your waist, pulling your hips up higher and roughly shoving your shorts down along with your panties. He spits on his palm, rubbing the saliva onto his massive head. He presses the blunt tip against your cunt, pushing slowly. "Oh shit."
You arch your back, screeching softly from the feeling, "A-ah, Ki!" He grips your thighs tighter, pushing his thick cockhead past your resisting pussy with a low grunt. "Damnit." He inches in deeper, spreading you obscenely wide. His cock twitches violently as he sheathes himself halfway inside you. "You're squeezing me so fucking tight..." He's barely halfway in, and you're already whimpering and arching your back against him like a cat in heat.
"T-too big.." you whimper out in pain and pleasure. He wraps his massive hands around your waist, pulling you onto his thick length inch by agonizing inch, causing you to fill the room up with pleasured screams. "Fuck. Take it babygirl... you can do it." He groans deeply as he bottoms out, his huge cock buried to the hilt inside your tight pussy. "Fuuuck..." He leans over your back, panting heavily into your ear. "A-ah, Ki! P-please be more gentle i...it's too much hahh.."
His massive dick throbs inside you, his thrusts becoming deeper. Hes not planning on going easy with you, especially not after the argument. Hes frustrated and this is his way of relieving it.
Your hands grip tightly onto the bedsheets, digging your fingernails in the soft material as your eyes roll back, his thick cock rubbing against your inner walls, "You're gonna make me cum." He grabs your hips roughly, pounding into you steadily, his massive cock stretching you wide open with each thrust as the room gets filled with his groans and your whiny screams. He adjusts his angle slightly, hitting a spot deep inside you that makes you moan continuously. "Your taking this dick so well, babe."
"A-ahh Riki, I'm g-gonna-" He slams into you again, his huge length almost lifting you off the bed. You squirm around, your thighs are shaking violently from the pleasure and roughness of his thrusts. "Cum for me babygirl." He whispers dirtily, bringing his hand down to spank your ass, leaving a red hand print as it causes you to lift your hips up, wincing in both pain and pleasure.
Your clenching tightly around him before reaching your climax, cumming and squirting all over his cock and the bedsheets. He pounds into you wildly, grunting loudly as he feels his orgasm approaching. "Shit, I'm cumming!" He slams his cock as deep as physically possible, his thick shaft throbbing intensely inside your tight pussy. "Take it all, fuck!" He smacks your ass one last time, a gasp coming out of your mouth while his massive load floods your inner walls with sticky cum.
He slowly pulls out, you whine from the loss of contact and fall onto the bed, exhausted. His massive length coated in your juices and his thick load. He sees it leak out of you, running down your thighs. "Fuck, baby. That was incredible." he leans down to gently kiss your cheek, collapsing ontop of you. "Y-yeah? It better have been.. because m-my ass is sore." he lets out a chuckle, leaving soft kisses on your neck. "My poor baby. A little too rough huh?" You look up at him with half closed eyes, kissing his lips, "mm... but i liked it." You smile tiredly at him.
💘: I LOVE RIKI AHHH anyways thank you to everyone on here for being so sweet!!! lmk who i should do next, maybe jungwon or sunghoon? ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )
#enhypen x reader#enhypen smut#niki smut#niki x reader#riki smut#riki x reader#ni ki smut#ni ki x reader#enhypen fanfic#niki hard hours#niki hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#niki fanfic
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live drama adaptations part 2 (prev)
cast reveal and girls movie night 🔥
#i actually had the first three pages done for like. months now. and then i just forgot 🧍♂️#theres one more part to this but as to when ill finish that. haha#duck scribbles#minicomic tag#midoyuzu#and a bit of tomohaji on the side#doodles#enstars#midori takamine#hajime shino#yuzuru fushimi#tori himemiya#ibara saegusa#this is. a lot better quality than the first initial one amsdkjgshdgsmd i kindaa wanna redo it but its already a multiple part one i dont#think ill do that to myself rn akjdgskjwkjgjkd#its been 8 months i doubt anyone would remember the initial one but its ok u dont have to read it#i completely made up this manga and am now a little sad its not a thing that exists#i wish haruno was a real character i could post mangacaps of#thought too hard about it and there isnt any way to fit it into here but there is also a fourth character harunos childhood gyaru friend#also in love w her. she ends up having some sort of alliance with naoto but obviously its in vain too but its all chill#manga ends with haruno opening her dream cafe and asahi later joins her there after training a new team to take care of their old one#naoto becomes a regular there also w his new bf :] happy ending !!!#wow i have drawn Way too much lately. forgive me for such behavior ill probably be posting a lot less from here on out askjdgksjhgs#needed the food for when im away from my laptop for a week....#guess ill never get to finish that other lil comic i had planned for that sleepover drawing i made back during rarepair week </3#does anyone actually read these anyhow. i talk too much maybe
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Confessing my sins to the internet because my irl friends don't know my tumblr
I'm actually a horrible friend and I don't plan to change :)
I'll be a good friend to anyone I actually like and I usually don't associate with people who I don't like, but sometimes there will be an occasional lonely (usually annoying) kid that follows me around. (They're lonely for a reason.) I kinda hate people who are loud literally all the time but I can hold my tongue and this kinda person just doesn't leave because they're not being told directly to leave.
What do I do? I talk to them only when I need them, I make unnecessarily mean comments as a joke, I point out their obvious flaws that I know they have a hard time changing, and all while they still follow me around like I'm not kinda bullying them.
Sometimes I'll treat them like an actual friend when I'm in a good mood, but if I'm not, then the unfortunate victim becomes my emotional punching bag. (I have ways to quickly fix my mood and this is completely unnecessary and I could distance myself until I feel better like how I do with actual friends.) I think this is like. Breadcrumbing? Anyways yeah, toxic shit.
If any of your "friends" treat you like this, they don't see you as a friend. If they leave you doubting if they like you or not, leave you doubting if you're actually friends, they probably don't see you as a friend. (because that's the case for me :3 )
I'm a horrible human being and I don't feel nearly as bad as I should about it :)
#i had a friend in primary school who was treated like this by me and my then best friend for the whole 6 years#she was very much bullied i think#we literally had a “class x girls group” and “class x girls group without (victim)” and we sometimes shit talked her in there#my best friend was a bit more obvious about not liking her#she would like be my shield anytime things got confrontational while i never stood up for myself#pretty sure she shared snacks with me a lot too and i just never returned the favour.#and now theres this boy that has nearly no friends who follow me around during breaks#just today i literally gave him the silent treatment because i was having an inner monologue and i didn't bother telling him#i even found it kinda funny that i walked around silently while he muttered to himself and questioned if he did anything wrong#like dude no you didn't do anything wrong but also i found it too funny to correct you#i have actual friends that i treat decently btw#like. without all this weird shit#i just take advantage of the loney and probably neurodivergent kids :)#moral of the story. please have more than 1 friend. especially irl. dont let them treat you like how i treat these poor “friends” of mine#ive literally never told the 2 people i mentioned here anything along the lines of “im grateful i have you”#feel free to stop being my friend because of a post like this :3#i wouldnt say i *like* being a horrible friend but also im like. not doing anything about it and not bothering to change for the sake of#these people who are already kind of outcasted and probably need someone to rely on#“im not doing charity” proceeds to refuse basic respect to these people because theyre “annoying”#you could call this a vent post#im kind of telling myself that im a horrible person to begin with so i feel less bad about “breaking character” on top of being guilty#honestly i hope this kind of person finds someone who genuinely accepts them because they deserve better than this#and also because theyre a headache for me and im sick of them
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#i saw someone else's post about deleting social media for a while and tbh i think i might do the same#if you have my discord you know where to find me#if youre close to me you probably already know that im not well right now#i think i just need to shut the world off for a while and pretend im in a very small bubble where only surviving to the next day matters#im safe i have folks looking out for me and im feeling more lucid today than i have been lately#and if that changes i made safety nets to make sure i cant hurt myself#but I m gonna just step out for a while and plan on maybe not opening social medias other than discord till next year#i need to make my world feel smaller for a while and just stick my head in the sand until im in a safer place mentally#if youre reading this and youre in a place like i am know that youre not alone#know that its ok to close your eyes for a little while and be selfish#its ok to make your world smaller right now and take a break from fighting if you need to#i understand theres a lot of shame for not fighting for everyone else or feeling suicidal when other folks have it worse off than you do#idk right now im lucid enough to just say i cant think about that right now and thats ok#if you need to focus on just keeping your own feet on the ground for now thats ok#ill see yall next year. please still be here with me. im gonna try my best to still be here too
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anyway!! yeah i owe stuff and im gonna work on some of that but in the meantime i wanna do a lil starter call anyway <3 it might take a while for me to get to them bc ive been busy irl and i do wanna pay some attention to my drafts but i also desire more work to do
#btw please specify muse/s!! 🙏#is this a bad idea. probably. i have one whole cosplay to finish and also a separate halloween costume to make in the next month#and i theres a lot i need to do here too already. but this is my house and i can make it a mess if i want to#( voice of a guy who still doesnt have her adhd meds back. aughhh )#‧ miscellaneous. → 「 out. 」
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It's so awkward realizing I really am a Big Ninjago Blog, because suddenly I realize 99.9% of the time, if it Seems like someone is just vaguely tryna talk about a post of mine without mentioning my name, they Are tryna do that...
#ive also realized i need to be more careful w what i post#like ik i do a lot of 'this side of the fandom stupid as fucccckkkkk' stuff but .#i dont wanna bring unneccessary drama or bullshit here#and the big issue is it feels like theres a chance ive already been causing . too much unneccessary shit ?#idk#i doubt thered be this many lloyd age posts as of late tho if not for my more opinionated stance on it ...#ninjago#<- only via technicality .#idfk if it counts as tag clutter if i only mention ninjago here on this post but its not like . anything rlly aside from the show name#raine's rambles
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I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me
#rat rambles#oc posting#well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids#the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that#the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out#the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too#not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol#Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard#hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it#especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol#its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page#I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future#I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired#tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day#I mean guess thats why Im here in part#last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again#Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself#like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone#and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders#its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people#I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad#it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me#but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to#at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem
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its really hard to use this site now knowing things will literally never change
#doesnt even matter if you report someone or the like. im still just gonna watch my friends get harassed for existing#and i suppose eventually it'll reach me too but like. whatever#i more or less just reblog art and other stuff i like. but a lot of people seem to be moving ship already#theres a few set things i want to finish here#some goals ive set for myself#once im done with all that then ill consider moving on#thank you all for the unimaginable kindness you've shown me. both recently and always#genuinely its unthinkable to me mksdfs#ive discovered that i enjoy sharing things with others#no matter how small sum of people come to see it i really really do i love creating#and making things#so its not like it'll be the end of the world!! i just need finish what ive already set out to do#diary
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I need like. A bible level miracle of an opportunity even suggest itself to me so i can possibly start a career in something lol
#its unfortunate but its true thay i am in fact running out of time i could be using to accomplish something meaningful and set myself up#for a promising future. like ill be having a late start regardless. but i know that this is something i have to do sooner or later#i cant stay in retail. i cant serve people who willingly politicize a genocide as it happens in real time#i know there are plenty of zionists here just based on the comic store job alone lol i know theyre here too#despite there also being plenty of palestinians that i have Already witnessed just outside my current work now get ostracized#its gut wrenching. i cant stay here#but i am abbbbsoLUTELY clueless in what i should be working towards#ill be honest...i dont like my new job and i Dont trust my boss. i dont like her. she is rude and unnecessarily so.#if i so much as wore a palestinian bracelet i know im going to relive some twilight zone stern talking to shit Again#what ever happened to community or humanity anyways im getting off topic lol#i just needed to write all these rebounding thoughts down theres a lot going on#i gotta go on a quest and figureee it out. you know#figure it OUT 💪💪💪
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(ripping my hair out by the handful) Sol Is Not Trapped In The Time Loop Sol Is There Because They Choose To Be
#life on earth i am begging you please get life on earth#teenexo stuff#this is my biggest adn pettiest pet peeve but every time a fic is tagged fix it abt either#a) sol leaving the time loop or#b) dys not [redacted]#i start ripping out my hair. please. please. please#the irony is besk lives au actually does hit point b eventually however. however#i dont think its a fix it for him to do it or not do it i think its just a choice he can choose to make#i really do honestly and genuinely believe its fine and morally neutral and not a bad thing#i dont think relationships need to last forever to be deep and meaningful and i think dys staying for sol for so long is already like#a sign of his love and how much he cares for them. like. i think its fine. i genuinely do think its fine that he goes#idk theres a quote from this book i really like thats smth like uhhh#your lover doesnt belong to you they are choosing to lend themself to you every day#and i think abt that w/rt dys/sol a lot its just good u kno#dys stays for sol because he loves them. he leaves because he wants to do that too#and i think the act of him staying bc he loves them is really nice! having the time together they have is nice!#idk i also dont think sol would be able to be like....... With dys long term if they didnt understand/acknowledge this at least a little?#basically. i think there are circumstances where dys wouldn't do it but i dont think those are fix-its lol#ANYWAYS clambers back off my soap box#this wasnt even what i came here to complain about#ok back to packing byeeeeeee#i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers ?#probably somewhere in there im guessing
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omg i think ive said this before but i have a specific song i listen to anytime i do CEO battles (golf round specifically) and like now i cursed myself that anytime i listen to it i go "omg i wanna ceo now"
#rambles#BRO THE US PPL R ASLEEP ITS TAKE HOURS FOR A CEO GROUP TO FILL UP AT THIS CURRENT TIME LOL. or ppl r at school or work and im here lIKE#IM SO MAD i havent been playing toontown like AT ALL#toontown is constantly on my brain but ive honestly burned myself out on the gameplay a bit - theres a lot of stuff that needs other ppl#and usually its my friend who not only motivate me to log on but also just#having to do stuff with others lool and finding groups when youre in a very different timezone than the most of the playerbase#shoutout to my fellow european ttcc-ers#i already have motivation issues thats why i feel cathal so badly so getting out of the gameplay specific brainrots SOMETHIN#could grind on my other toons too lol#winstoon is stuck at cfo moment rn gotta build that suit#unlike archie they havent done ANY mints early......... while archie is not as far as winstoon is and they can vp AND cfo DGRTBRHTH#im just rambling in my tags here i wanna talk about TOONTOWN a bit on my TOONTOWN BLOG#i promise my brain is all toontown im just not in the game as much but fr if anyone wants to do shit just lmk fjfjjf
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idc if ppl think im problematic i just want it to be for the actual real reasons i am
#like... im kinda aggressive and might attack if provoked... i intentionally exude a threatening presence and personality to#scare ppl away but also bc i will actually try to fuck you up if you fuck with me too much. i also struggle with not knowing#how to handle my cat yelling besides yelling at him which reinforces him but it doesnt matter bc he does it anyways even#if i stubbornly ignore him so idfk what to do i think he just think thats the normal way to talk atp and it driveS ME INSANE BECAUSE#HE IS MOEWS ARE SO LOUD AND SOUND LIKE A FUCKING BABY CRYING WHICH TRIGGERS A PRIMAL PARENTAL THING IN#ME AND HES MANIPULATING THAT TO GET MY ATTENTION FOR SHIT HE DOESNT NEED HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#LIke. im problematic in some ways. no im not as problematic as you might think but like. i still recognize i got a lot of shit to work on#over here yaknow. its shit i think about all the time and keep trying to figure out what i can do about.#which is also why i dont need ppl riding on my ass about shit that i already know better about#i honestly think yall think me being inflammatory online makes me a bad person... idk. and i dont really think im all that controversial#or inflammatory in what i say but anyone being that in any capacity in your opinion makes them Bad for some reason?? idrk.#im trying to figure it out. like you either just have to believe any lie someone tells about me or you just hate how annoying i am to you#on the internet. something you can easily avoid by blocking me.#also the things i say online... dont necessarily directly translate to offline? im not really like this irl... im definitely a lot more#aggressive online than i am off...#offline i try to keep things calm and gentle and i try to be considerate and nice to those around me. ig i dont feel like tumblr#has earned that side of me yet 🤷#i literally have an idyllic ass garden and essentially green house ok. i dont talk about the happenings of my daily life on here#much bc i worry talking about it on here will taint it somehow.#maybe im too superstitious. maybe im worried about being stalked. maybe its a combo of many things but theres certain info#i dont trust with certain types of people and if tumblr was a person i would not trust that person with that info.#the friend to get drunk with not to watch your cats and house while you're out of town. etc.#ill vent about my trauma but i dont want you... in my life... Like That lmao. we just go to the same bar...
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bro
#i hate job apps lmao kinda in the trenches rn#i'm so idk so mixed feelings rn 💀#i think my self esteem when it comes to job apps is like fucking shot from career fair and job rejections and everything#my last interview was offered like a couple days before the interview and i just winged it and didn't rly prepare#and then after the interview realized i actually kinda like the company and would kinda wnat the job more than my lack of prep suggests LOL#but i applied for smth over the summer and they said they'd actually be interested in giving me an offer#but i committed to staying on campus for this yr (which i could've done stuff to get out of but i have dumb reasons for it ig)#but they just reached out and said they'd STILL be interested in offering me a job for summer 2025 start date#and it makes me fucking sad that i feel so weird abt it LMFAO i am happy abt it#but like literally this week has been so many rejections back to back bc i've been applying to things at my (old) college's career fair#and so many of them have already just immediately rejected me 💀#so a big part of me rn is like why the fuck would this company even still want me ya know#😀😀😀😀 i thnk i'll cry abt this at some point idk when tho 😀😀😀😀#also my mom keeps nagging me to apply for masters which i haven't actually looked into at all yet#i think esp bc she called me last night and was like no one's gonna give you a chance bc you only have bachelors#so you can't compete when theres masters and phd applicants too#which is true ig like i have just gotten flat out rejected without any interview or anything so many times#sooooo all of that adding up to me being like well i somehow tricked this company into still wanting me right#even tho i am literally doing nothing this yr i'm staying on campus bc i like it here#and i have a remote part time job and i'm figuring out what i want to do#jfc idk lmfao i'm also nervous abt telling my mom bc i feel like she just#ughhhgiuhdgfiwtglkdghfajs she can be very critical and judgmental ;-;#and i fele like she's been like that kind of a lot w job/masters conversations and i don't rly like talking to her abt it lmfao#when she called me yesterday she started nagging me abt job apps and not being picky abt stuff and i'm like#you have told me this 746598347 times i rly don't need to hear it again#i do appreciate and love my mom but i just rly don't like this lmfao#i think she'd be ok w it / happy i guess she did tell me to apply for this company at one point a while ago#i wanna scream lmfao#bro i wish tumblr would tell me when im RUNNING OUT OF TAGS rip some of this rambling i don't even remember what i said LOL#jeanne talks
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Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel
#had to work a shift with only one other coworker and we were in this same position last weekend too and so like last time#he had this Moment where like as we locked up he was yelling very frustratedly about an annoying customer#which is fair but lol we dont know each other well enough for him to yell and rant like that to me like i get it but#god i hate yelling and just felt like shit and wanted to die#then tonight i was legitimately kinda scared cuz uh liiike. he had a lot more little Moments#i think like some kid dropped something and it broke and he had to clean it up and he got frustrated#and like. went in the back where the custom framing shit is and there was loud banging with a hammer and glass shattering#and he went back and did this multiple times and customers heard it too and were like uhhh 😰#i was already in a bad mood coming in and this really didnt help its honestly a miracle i didnt start having a meltdown#i guess ive just had to deal with so many man babies at home that all i can do is look at them like a disappointed parent and ask if they#would like me to take them to daycare#so yeah that was fun i uh dont like this guy hes always wearing very cutesy clothes and all i can think of is the bit where its like#‘there is nothing little about your things’#also i got money problems and keep getting fast food cuz i got eating problems and theres not much here i can eat and obviously#buying food so much wastes money so i was gonna try to make a sandwich today and like we dont have half the shit needed#and the bread was moldy obviously and theres so many bugs in the house cuz ive been too busy to clean and my sister was here#and the cat is here and my mom does everything wrong and then i spilled water everywhere and everything just went wrong#im also in a horrible place mentally doing so so bad so unbelievably stressed rn#just like. im repressing very bad and literally procrastinating having feelings like everything is going so wrong but i cant feel bad#because i dont have time for that so ill feel bad later when i escape which surely will happen someday ahahaha fuuuck#dont know whats real anymore maybe ive made everything up maybe the abuse is just me being dramatic maybe im the worst child in the world
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me trying to catch up w love and deepspaces new stories going 😰
#i forgot which bit im at#but its the second story they released w the underworld stuff. or whatever its called KFNDNDNSN#im reading in order idk if that matters so im reading the second zayne story and 😰 HUH.#bro....#i mean i already knew about the human experiments w mc but also!!!!!!!! why tf we reviving dead people now what the hell 😭😭😭#OK ALSO IM NOT CAUGHT UP W LORE 100% SO OBV IM MISSING OUT ON A LOT OF STUFF BUT IM JUST H U H ?????#avil plays lads#i come in here to smooch xavier and then i leave tbh i forget that theres lore JFBDJDJDJ#but its nice honestly to sit and read more of the lore#i still have some qualms about the storytelling in main story but#ill give it the benefit of the doubt that we just havent gotten all the pieces together juuuuuuust yet.#i also havent looked at all the myths stuff#(i have xavier and rafayels. im too scared to do either of them and come out crying)#(i did one of the little tender moment stuff w rafayel earlier this morning and i was crying BUCKETS so obv. i gotta chill ifdjjdjd)#anyways#ive missed playing this game#i need to shift my brain to just lore digging rather than grinding jgjdjdjd#also im trying so hard to see peoples thoughts on tumblr however!
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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈
#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words#im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit#in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything#its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something#and every time its nothing#so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with#ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget#i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years#ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something#and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life#and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over#all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it#im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself#its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring#also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore#the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol#i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life#my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now#i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be#i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems#that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones#i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day#i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again#i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like#and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here#if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine#but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter#anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that#arent doing anything other then making me miserable
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