#and i sincerely hate myself for it
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i have a thought about george russell i fear is gonna cause a lot of hate:
russell is one of most neurodivergent coded f1 drivers and that lines right in to why he is so hated……..
#acting like i don’t already get a shit ton of hate because i said mongolia is real#and mongolians deserve a sincere apology from golden boy#this is also no hate to george#but sometimes that man is a walking dsm 5 diagnostic#i love that for him though as an autistic girly mysilf#i see myself in him#also i feel like all union stewards are a little autistic#i really only say this because i’ve seen people saying max is the most neodivergent on the padlock#and o was like look that georgie boy#george russell#russell#f1blr#tw autism talk#tw real people#gr63#mercedes#f1 talks
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The thing I love about Milgram is that most fandoms have to defend/examine some character's crimes at some point (whether it be canon, implied or overexaggerated) but here it's. All we do. We have to rank them based on crimes.
and I think it's beautiful
#I'm being 100% sincere btw#I can only speak for myself but I know if Fuuta was in another series I'd probably hate him#yet here I am rotating the canon doxxer in my mind at terrifying speeds#milgram#milgram project
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WOOOOOOOOOO
I GOT A HATEFUL MESSAGE ON ANON AND I IMMEDIATELY DELETED IT WITHOUT GIVING THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
I am FLOURISHING!
#I’ll probably delete this later but I’m proud of myself so I’ll celebrate for a sec! just for now 😅😅😅#I surmised a couple days back/sometimes last week that I’m an easy target for such anons#because I always respond sincerely to hateful messages and just assume whatever I’m being told or accused of is true#I got another one earlier today that I couldn’t tell if they were being hateful or sincere but poorly worded but either way it stung#and while I did respond to it I ended up taking it down#I intend for this to be my method for dealing with hateful or questionable anons going forward! no more feeding the mean voices!#what better way to get them off your back than to bore them with a lack of reaction? 😅#I try to be open and communicative but it can (and routinely does I feel) backfire on me… so sometimes the answer really IS just giving up#people can think what they want. I’m just having a good time with my fat hairy italian and his statuesque princess wife#peaches screams into the void
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i have a confession to make: i'm actually doing better than i ever was
#i started making friendship bracelets for my show & for my gang today#i'm actually pretty excited#also it feels different when you make them for specific people because then you actually make them with love#so i was thinking of you today (you know who you are) 🤍#i also realized that i actually like my job which is crazy to me#i've been struggling with this so much during past few months and i am finally somewhere i don't hate#i like my coworkers and i don't want to cry when i have to go there#i don't even mind working with customers anymore because most of them are nice here#and this job may actually give me the opportunity to make more money in the future so i might just stay here for a while#this is not a perfect life but it is MY life and honestly i wouldn't change a thing about it right now#i am doing good and i am healing#i am taking care of myself#one step at a time#no rush#i'm trying to focus on things that make me happy and myself#i talk to my friends a lot i talk to my parents#i am fine and this time it's not a lie#i feel like maybe one day i will be finally able to say that i'm happy#i'm not there yet but it's good#yay for me i guess#🤍🤍🤍#but sincerely can you hear me?*
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I would say you’re more of a Mr peanut butter type yeah
doggy doggy what now?
#sci speaks#i love mr peanutbutter.#i think i love especially that eventually people stopped liking him.#cute quirky doggy winds up being a JERK actually just like the rest of us.#i love him and i love that.#really need to rewatch bojack actually because i don't remember it very well but god do i remember Loving it.#i think it's probably the best adult animated series i've ever seen. just. like. i don't know. it's the kind of writing that i really love.#where all the characters are bad actually. and you think they might be outwardly put together but they're not.#bojack is a GREAT SHOW. depressing but great.#i can't even like recommend it to anybody i'm like. yeah. it'll depress you. sorry. but that's why i like it.#i like those kind of ugly sincere emotions that make me feel less alone for being an asshole sometimes.#not in a “haha this character i like is an asshole so i can be an asshole too” kind of a way but in a .#i shouldn't despise myself because this is just part of what it is to be human i guess. you'll mess up and make selfish choices.#we all have that same software and i don't know. makes me feel less alone. i love to see that nobody else has it put together either.#it's not just me floating in the world with no direction.#it do be why i hate people who point at a character and say “BAD ROLEMODEL!! why aren't they PERFECT??”#get out shut up i hate you.#try living LIFE for five days maybe.
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Ok here's my last hot take before I exit gamer babyrage mode but I do not think every class needs access to quickness and alacrity and I do not think quickness and alacrity should have the importance they've gained in the past year. Alacrity was fine as a chronomancer only boon, just like Grace of the Land's unique damage buff was fine. Specs should actually differ and not all be able to do everything.
#sincerely babyrage druid main fbfhfvvfvr#AAAAAAH EVERY BALANCE PATCH I TELL MYSELF NOT TO HAVE A BREAKDOWN ABOUT THE VIDEO GAME NUMBERS AND EVERY TIME I FAIIIIL#i just really hate the current boon meta can you tell ffvmdkdn#budgie plays gw2
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BRO???????
#if the revue closes i'm killing everyone involved and then myself i mean this sincerely#i hate landlords so much 😭
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Nothing is ok. Everything's fucked. I hate being alive.
#i am doing FANTASTIC on the arthritis meds sincerely like holy shit i have my life back#my liver is so fucked over i have to stop all arthritis medication and see the gi doctor plus get an ultrasound#and i have to start therapy again and I CANT FUCKING AFFORD TO LIVE NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SPEND#50 FUCKING DOLLARA A WEEK FOR A THERAPIST WHEN I ONLY MAKE 180 A WEEK FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE#if this liver doesnt kill me then the pain without meds will make me unalive myself i am not kidding#i have no quality of life without my meds and i dont want to live if i have no life worth living because its just pain#i hate this i hate my fucking life i hate this fucked over goddamn shitty meat husk thats literally killing me#im 24 fuck this why make a 24 year old so in agony he wants to fucking die because no medicine is safe for his body#that literally is trying to destroy itself from the inside i hate all of this i hate fucking living
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00:01:11 into Hellraiser VII: Deader and oh dear god, this one's another Rick Bota movie like the last one. oh lord. pray for me.
#james talks#james watches stuff#hellraiser#Hellraiser 7#Hellraiser VII#Hellraiser VII Deader#Hellraiser VII: Deader#yeah this is how i'm choosing to start my day. yes i hate myself. how was that not abundantly clear?#sincerely though please just let this be better than Hellseeker.... i don't think i can take anything as bad as Hellseeker again..........
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youtube
Sincerer Engineer - I Hate Myself
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little peek at somethjing i am cooking up ...
#this is rlly rough but rn im just blocking everything out#i have like 6.5 pages sketched so far this is already going faster than last time i think..^_^#im having a blast also#im tryna rewire my brain . every time i think Blehhh i hate drawing i just want to see it done i gotta stop n correct myself#like Hey wait you actually love drawing why are you telling yourself this The process is frustrating sometimes but that comes with art#i had to redraw this one page like 4 separate times and i still didn't feel like giving up#like yeah i was feeling pressed but at the same time i was being patient with myself#like this is part of improving Stop laying on the floor and wondering why you're even doin this you've always loved it#only drawing when u know it's gonna turn out good defeats the whole purpose of learning#also i added cal last minute to this comic and im gladi did he's so creeepy#im very excited to get this done Not impatient like i was before#im impatient for people to see it yeah lol but not w myself#and im not gonna be all like “yeah we'll see how long this lasts lol” bc i think that's already setting myself up for burning out#i have hope that i can keep enjoying art like this I just need to change the way i think#and accept the messy n ugly. the perfect is the enemy of the good#aaron blaise really inspires me. he sincerely loves what he does and i want to be like that#this is also gonna be more comic-like Panelwise i think#scott pilgrim n my bro inspired me#also the way cal's face cuts off on the right makes sense in context he's peekin from behind a chair
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theres just something about being inherently unworthy of love
#the cycle of i need to make friends. i need attention. why would someone bother with me? i dont have anything to give. are we friends? why#arent you paying attention to me? tell me that you love me. but it could never be sincere towards someone like me. i cant be loved.#love isnt real. i am love. i am the only one who loves. it hurts. why cant i be loved? is anyone else real? is this a dream? am i dead? is#this hell? whats real is fake and whats fake is real. its wonderland. rabbits talk cookies make you big or small everyone is so confusing.#do others love me or hate me or feel indifferent? it seems to switch as random. one day you'll adore me the next its as if we never met. and#i have to keep making friends. i cant keep making friends. if i dont i'll end up with no friends. i dont know how to make more friends.#clinging to bubbles floating up scrambling to catch another as it pops so you dont fall. everyone blends together whats what whos who?#in the span of a few years i feel like an immortal tortured with the despair of outliving all their relationships#except everyone is perfectly alive just out of reach. but i cant just talk to people. thats bad. no one wants me. i cant do that to someone.#every bubble pops at some point. i cant find anything sturdier. fleeting bursts of attention are ok for now#but i cant even get that. so what do i do? i want to sacrifice myself to make people like me but i have nothing left to give.#whats the point of me? if i cant love and be loved if i cant find more than a few people who will stay for more than a second. what do i#have to do? please tell me what you want. i'm sure i can do it somehow. can i do it somehow? i cant. i cant. i cant anymore. im sorry. just#forget about me. you dont need me. youll be happier when you dont even know who i am anymore. i can disappear without a trace for you. thats#all i can do. take the weight off our shoulders. im just using you if you think about it anyways. to feed my own selfish desire for love i#never deserved. keep myself afloat while i drag you down. isnt it time for me to sink? in a shark attack punch it in the gills. youll be ok.#more than ok. free. i didnt want to bite your leg but i just needed something anything. i dont know any better and i never will. thats why i#belong in the depths where i cant hurt anyone. i cant do anything but hurt. what more am i good for? what more have i done? what have i done#for you? think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it.#its nothing.
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ohhhhhhhhhh this portrait final is KICKING MY ASS
#i sincerely hate graphite. five hours of work and only 50% done.............. what if i killed myself#whatever. at least the hard part is done (face & hand) and now i just need to render the damn shirt#dont go to art school guys <3#personal
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finally i started the thing i have genuinely wanted to do for months but didn't for actually no reason at all. unfortunately i started it at like 9:30 and it takes several hours.
#im already so tired#so imma try and get some actual sleep now#and continue the thing after i wake up#i hate how much i procrastinate things#like i actually wanted to do it and sincerely enjoy doing it why cant i make myself do it?????#three pigeons in a trench coat
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i like keeping all my wips open because otherwise they go straight into "i forgor"-ville (population? everything im not currently staring at.)
my laptop fucking HATES it though. very unsupportive of you, bestie. wdym you can't handle the weight of 12 different overly ambitious projects at once?? massive you problem, you inanimate object.
#/lh#hi i know i haven't uploaded anything art related in THREE WHOLE DAYS#i know right? completely unprofessional of me.#/sarcasm#dont worry i know i have unreasonable expectations for myself. it's just how i have fun!#“aim for the moon because if you miss you still end up among the stars 🥴” except i am launching myself out a window with a firecracker#thus am impressed by any achieved elevation at all. idk metaphors are hard. you get it.#anyway just here to bitch and moan about my physical form preventing me from dishing out unlimited amounts of drawings#my physical vessel do be acting subpar as of recently. groan. hate it when can't get good am i right kids#new symptoms unlocked! randomly just. crashing? idk how to best describe it#“guess im on the floor for the next five minutes. love your ceiling btw very ceiling-y”#the social circle is lovely though they've really taken it (maoira corpse era) in stride im really happy about that#*maiora (i really should have chosen a fake name that doesn't make my dyslexic ass implode but it's funnier this way)#i got my blood stats results back tho! mayhaps the docs might figure out what the hell is wrong with moi???#i sincerely ✨doubt✨ it because the medical system always finds new ways to screw people over#groan#oh well literally nothing else i can do about this#the tone is lighthearted i am speaking lightheartedly im having a chuckle at my own expense for funsiez!!#wow i really appreciate you asking about my day! (yes. you totally *did* do that) how was yours??#/genuine question since you're still here reading my tags#fun fact! all my electronics are named Apοllo. all of them.#thanks for reading have a nice day take care of yourself buhbye!!#shut up maiora#anecdote anthology#gargantuan levels of eepy in me rn
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#still unmedicated#my temper is very short#seen a lot of stuff today about the horrible terrible things happening all over the world#and had a genuine thought that stopped me in my tracks#'i'll just kill myself and start over'#like with all sincerity and not in an ironic way. i wanted to kms and not have to be a part of this world anymore#this awful cruel and unfair world that i hate so. so much#my 3 friends and tough boy and you all are the thread that's keeping me together rn fr#trying not to dig too deeply into why i want to kms while i'm unmedicated because it will do more harm than good#but man#idk. send me pics of your animals or something
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