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Adore Me
Spencer Reid x famous singer!reader
Summary: Spencer takes his friends to see his girlfriend at her live show in DC. He didn’t realize she was going to play a specific song about him that has him blushing and his friends joking about it
a/n: This is a random draft based on Juno by Sabrina Carpenter. It’s not chronological with the other one I posted. Nice comments are appreciated lol.
Spencer sat in the dimly lit venue next to his friends. The buzz of excitement filled the air as the crowd eagerly awaited performance of famous singer Y/N—who just so happened to be his girlfriend.
As the lights went down, the audience erupted in cheers. His heart raced as he looked at his friends. They were genuinely excited, especially Penelope. She had been talking about this ever since Spencer asked them all to come.
When Y/N stepped into the spotlight, wearing a stunning outfit that sparkled in the stage light, Spencer was left speechless. Her voice flowed through the crowd, captivating the crowd, mostly filled by young women. He couldn’t help but smile watching her interact with her fans.
Then she started singing one of her newest songs, one Spencer was surprised by when it started playing. One of Y/N’s most suggestive songs, obviously about him.
“Don’t have to tell your hot ass a thing. Oh yeah you just get it.”
“Whole package, babe, I like the way you fit. God bless your dad’s genetics”
Spencer blushed. Side eyeing Derek already knowing the look on his face and the playful banter that was to come. It was obvious to the whole room what the innuendos implied.
Derek leaned over, grinning. “Your girlfriend is something else, Reid. You sure you can handle all that?” Spencer stuttered trying to form a rebuttal but he like Emily always said “And just like that, IQ 187 is slashed to 60”.
The song progressed. Getting more and more suggestive making Spencer more and more bashful.
“I know you want my touch for life.”
“If you love me right then who knows? I might let you make me Juno”
His colleagues kept looking at him, trying to suppress their laughter at his reaction. “Looks like someone’s blushing” Emily joked.
“You make me wanna make you fall in love.”
“Oh, late at night I’m thinking ‘bout you, ah”
“Wanna try out some freaky positions?”
Y/N gets down on her elbows and knees looking directly at Spencer with a suggestive smile on her face.
“Have you ever tried this one?”
Spencer immediately buried is face in his hands. His friends hooting and cheering before they turned to look at his reaction. It was both thrilling and mortifying watching his girlfriend exude such confidence on stage. Thrilling because of how talented she is, mortifying because of how his friends were looking at him right now.
The song started to slow down a little, getting to the bridge. The most direct lyrics about to be sang. He was not mentally prepared for this.
“Adore me. Hold me and explore me.”
Y/N began to slowly walk over to the side of the stage facing Spencer.
“Mark your territory.”
“Tell me I’m the only, only, only, only one”
She sang making direct eye contact with him. He was so done. The team’s genius swore he was brain dead by how entranced he was by her.
“Adore me. Hold me and explore me.”
She sang again as she got down on her knees once more. Laying on her back suggestively.
“I’m so fucking horny.”
At this point the whole audience could tell who she was performing this song for.
“Tell me I’m the only, only, only, only one”
She sang one last time before getting back on and proceeding with the rest of the show.
Not only were Spencer’s friends speechless, but for what felt like the first time ever, so was he.
When the show ended, the crowd erupted in cheers once more as Y/N bowed, her eyes searching for Spencer in the crowd. The moment she spotted him, her expression softened, and she smiled excitedly.
After the show, Spencer approached her, still flushed. "You were amazing," he managed to say, his voice slightly shaky. "Thanks, babe! Did you enjoy it?" she asked, a teasing glint in her eye. “Uh yeah” he stuttered. “Maybe a little bit too much” Derek interjected with a laugh.
Y/N laughed, stepping closer. “You know, I was thinking about that song…”
Spencer swallowed hard, antsy to figure out where this was going. “Yeah?” he asked. “Maybe we can recreate it later” she whispered, winking at him.
His heart raced at her suggestion, and he felt both flattered and flustered. "I'd like that," he replied, unable to suppress his cheeks blushing even harder.
“So how about some after show drinks?” she suggested to the group. They all erupted in cheers of agreement.
As they walked out of the venue, Derek whispered to Penelope “I didn’t think Spencer watched anything but documentaries. How does he know what Juno is?” She just laughed shrugging her shoulders.
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𝙃𝘼𝙇𝙁𝙒𝘼𝙔 𝙎𝙏𝙍𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙀𝙍𝙎
00 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙪𝙚, 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚.
a/n: long awaited pazzi series.. let’s hope I can be consistent with these chapters and not forget about after a few weeks.happy ready lovelies ⋆��˚ ༘ *
warnings: none!
`✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹
“I’m afraid to see what’s in my head ,
So I lock it up in my heart”
I’ve never been great with people. Sure, I can hold a conversation, crack a joke, make some friends. But there’s always this weird distance—like I’m just performing, pretending to be someone I’m not. The truth is, I’m not as confident as people think I am. I hate being vulnerable. But she made it easier.
I still remember the first time she reached out to me. Her message popped up on my computer late one night, while I was scrolling through my Blogspot—my little corner of the internet where I could just… breathe. No one knew who I was on there. Just a girl venting about life, school, basketball, and the tangled mess that was my head.
She said she’d been reading my posts for a while and liked them. She said she didn’t have anyone else to talk to, and honestly, I didn’t either. So we started messaging. At first, it was just random stuff—homework, teachers, the usual teenage nonsense.
But soon enough, she started opening up more. Things I never expected to hear. About her family. Her stepdad. The kids at school who made her feel invisible. She told me how her mom remarried, and how everything felt off after that. I didn’t know why she was sharing all this with me, someone she’d never met, someone who was practically a stranger. But there was something about it. Something that made it feel right.
We got into the deeper stuff too—the insecurities, the self-doubt, the anger at things we couldn’t control. And yeah, I shared my own stuff too. It wasn’t the same, but it was close enough. My parents getting divorced. Moving from place to place. The pressure to be perfect all the time. I guess it’s easier when you don’t have to show your face. She wasn’t some random person to me anymore. She was… real.
She called me “her safe space.” And for some reason, I was okay with that. I think I needed her as much as she needed me, even if I couldn’t admit it back then. It was like she understood me in a way no one else did.
But the thing is, I never told her who I really was. She didn’t need to know I was Paige Bueckers, the basketball player everyone at school thought they knew. She didn’t need know I was just a girl trying to figure out where I fit in all of this.
It was just us. She and I. We could be ourselves without pretending. And that felt… like a goddamn relief.
But that was the thing—she was just an anonymous name on a screen. I didn’t know who she was either. Not really. I only knew what she shared, what she let me see.
Then came that night. The night I saw her name pop up in the chat, just like always. But this time, it wasn’t just her usual message. It was a question. “What if we could meet? Like, in real life?” Oh.
I froze. And my stomach did this weird flip.
I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t even know if I wanted to. What if she was someone I knew? What if she was someone I was supposed to hate? What if… it was her?
————
tag list ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
@thaatdigitaldiary @patscorner @sierrale8ne @ohbueckers @juspeaks @mrsarnold @d3arapril @authentic-girl03 @absolutelydreadful
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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Okay so inspired by nothing in particular (it's inspired by reading the notes on the ace swag final poll, fun stuff in there), I have been thinking about being Cringe. Cause like, you enter a fandom, and usually, you find out shortly that somebody else hates that fandom. There is no fandom niche enough that it's not Weird to somebody, and there's no fandom mainstream enough that it's not Annoying to somebody else. And given the fact that some people do hatred recreationally, there's often going to be somebody mad enough about your fandom that they're going to go on diatribes about how your fandom is bad and actually harmful and destroying the fabric of civilization, etc. They're gonna pull out anything negative and blow it up until it's the size of the skyline and attack you for liking this negative thing.
Fun times, we've all seen it.
And the thing is, there's an impulse to have this happen and immediately find somebody else to point to and say, yeah, well, I might be weird, but at least I'm not THAT guy. I might read YA, but at least I'm not a Furry— those guys are sexual deviants! I might be into actual play podcasts, but at least I'm not into mcyt— those guys are all harmful and my guy is fine. I might be into danmei, but at least I'm not into bandom— rpf is so gross. I might be a furry, but at least I'm not into mainstream romance novels— senseless drivel aimed at middle class white women. Y'know. Immediately find someone to punch down on.
And boy do I understand why you want to do that, when people are pointing at you, but I don't actually think that it's helpful.
Cause like, every fandom has a logical train of thought and reasonable human impulses behind it. You might not share those impulses— I'm not a furry I don't think, I don't really get true crime— but that doesn't mean I can't have it explained to me by a very patient person in in the writer's workshop common room and go "oh, yeah, kinda pretending to be an animal, but you're gay about it, yeah, makes sense", or "oh yeah, morbid curiosity from the safety of your headphones, it's like a horror movie but real" and nod. Like there isn't a fandom or group out there that doesn't look weird from the outside, and there isn't a fandom or group that can't be explained if someone has thought about the human psyche enough.
And that isn't to say that there isn't sometimes salient critiques for what fandoms are doing or not doing— to grab the two examples above, I have heard people talking about issues with true crime reinforcing the current fucked up justice system, or bigotry at furry cons. But a) most of the time, there is already somebody inside that community that's fighting against those issues, and you just threw them under the bus with the problem they're trying to fix b) you don't usually know the nuances of the actual conversation and problems, you saw a couple callout posts. You saying "Yeah I'm a board game nerd but at least I don't play competitive trading card cames, those guys are doing nothing but feeding the capitalist machine" is not usually helpful towards fixing the ctg scene. It's just a cheap way to score points.
Like, I assure you that the YA scene is aware of the calcification of the genre into a tighter and tighter romantic form and their dependence on going big on tik-tok to sell enough to keep publishing. They know.
You specifically saying that your fandom is better cause it's not [problems you heard about other fandom having] is not actually going to make the person who's hating on you stop hating. They already decided that you're the person they're better than and that they're punching down on, you passing the punching down on to another fandom just makes more people sad on the internet, and potentially starts yet another chain of someone punching down at someone else. The wheel grinds on, everybody gets punched.
I guess this is just kinda turning into a "why hate on the internet, what good does that do" post, which is broader than I meant it to be. But like, there's a difference between thoughtful critique of problems (complicated to do fairly but very necessary) and finding someone new to curbstomp to make yourself feel better/morally superior (look, I'm writing this on a mcyt blog, we've all seen this happen, it does not increase the joy in the world).
Like in MCYT, we all decide to punch down on [other server we hate], or RPF, or people who write kidfic, or people who write e-rated fic/art, or people doing the popular trope of the moment, and sure, it lets you feel morally superior for the moment, at the cost of slapping the guy next to you. Haven't we had enough slapping the guy next to you? There but for the grace of god (got a fun idea/watched the wrong stream/ended up in the wrong brainstorming circle/got fixated on the wrong funny guy) goes I. You're not better than another group just because you saw a couple more callout posts (usually from people inside the community trying to fix things) about them.
We are all Cringe. There is nobody who's not Cringe. Don't say that you're not Cringe because someone else is more Cringe. Stop that.
#discourse#This is another thing where the public/private rule applies too I think#cause social media is public and what you do there is governed by different politeness rules#walking into your friend's dms and saying GOD I AM SO ANNOYED BY [other fandom] is a normal human impulse#posting that where other people can see that is potentially much more like shouting in the face of a random person#idk this is potentially something where me having a thousand followers is warping the perspective#cause I try to be really aware of the fact that who knows what people who see my posts are into#there's nobody I can throw under the bus and not have them see it#if you have eight followers all of which you know#you're much more effectively in a private space#idk#boy reading the tags on that ace swag poll was kinda a Oh Yeah They Really Hate Us moment#I forgot that cause I was just happy over here#but boy are we still an internet's favoured punching bag#and I just think making an effort to not continue to punching bag people might be good#fandom meta
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Hello, can i rate your micro fics
only if you give them all five stars and absolutely no notes cxxxx
#seriously tho the answer is no?!?! ofc not?!?!#like it would just make me feel Weird…. keep ur opinion about my writing to urself unless you’re heaping praises upon me please and thank u#asks <3#these are things that i write for free and for fun and that don’t go through a proper editing process like actual published works do#and i post them so my friends can see them and not so that random people i don’t know can tell me what level my writing is or whatever#same goes for my fics on ao3#respectfully fuck off don’t be weird xxxx
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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i dont think anyone should have to put themselves through it but it is interesting to me how some other “disabled” people just decide they cannot work before even actually trying because its uncomfortable or makes them anxious and its an active choice they are actually able to make which they see zero privilege in when talking to those of us who will always have to work no matter what… and then theyll talk to you like “oh you dont understand i just cant” while you literally experience the exact same shit or more 😭
#best example is shitty cali roommate who had three separate jobs including one i helped them get hired at and then they just decided they#couldnt handle it so it was fine to let everything fall on me and their wife with a heart condition while they sat on their ass playing#jewelry on etsy. and then theyd have the gall to be like well im mentally ill and disabled as if we werent too#also it was so obvious thats why they upcharged my rent when my only other option was homelessness they saw a situation they could take#advantage of parasitic ass person. the wife was not great either but after seeing how their wife treated her i really hope they divorce(d)#also jobless roommate was constantly making comments on what i did with my money too like they literally were mad at me for buying a $5#t shirt from walmart once#and then theyd act surprised they had no irl friends after shit talking every single person they invited to their wedding party#this isnt about them tho this is about random posts i see on here and think. you can actually get yourself out of this one man. just try
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For some reason, this round of meds (same dose and everything as last time) is making me have very violent Realisations and Remembering Things moments. And by that I mean the Thing I Forgot and/or the Realisations show up with a bat and see how hard they can make my brain hit the wall. So anyway.
YOU GUYS REMEMBER SPIKE THE WETFLOOR BOT??? YOU GUYS REMEMBER HER??? THE FIRST FAZBEAR ANIMATRONIC TO BE BORN FROM LOVE INSTEAD OF PAIN??? YOU REMEMBER HER???
CAUSE I JUST DID
#SPPIIIIKKKEEEEEE I MISS YOOOUUUU#I love spike. spike the wet floor bot is my favourite. I miss her I should bring her back somehow#the first animatronic to gain sentience and awareness out of LOVE and CARE#I miss her we need to bring her back. I never made a visual design but I definitely posted some descriptions of her pretty sure#a wet floor bot... a little wonky and a little off colour. holes in it's damaged and dented casing patched up with scrap#never the same colour. always different#stickers and magnets and a lil bit of spray paint. part of an ear missing and crooked#has one of roxy's spiked bracelets around her neck with a keyring dangling from it like a tag...#she picked her own name and pronouns... doesn't really understand what they are and what they mean but she wants them#in one AU she was Roxy's little distraction. something to work on and repair while the others search the rubble of the plex for-#their friends. In another Roxy repaired her for fun unknowingly after Vanny had used her as a test subject for the virus#in another one post-ruin roxy and cassie were searching the plex for an easy animatronic for roxy to repair so cassie's dad could-#test what she'd learned about repairing them from him and found a salvageable wet floor bot#that they then wrapped in tarp and put in a shopping trolley to take her straight home and get to work on her much to the-#confusion of literally everyone as they barrel down the halls of flats with an unidentified tarp blob in a stolen shopping trolley#<- that one's Meteors AU btw. Roxy got turned into a Real Boy by the Meteor and is now living with Cassie as her adopted sister#this is just the kind of shit these two get up to all the time and no one knows who's meant to be the braincell between them because well#they keep taking turns on who the older sibling is. they keep changing it. the eldest sibling is based entirely on the situation lmao#who's bright idea was it to steal a wet floor bot? WHO KNOWS!! Cassie said 'pick an animatronic!' so they did that's all there is to it!#cassie's dad just. head in hands. as he realises. the fucking wet floor sign on wheels is sentient now.#why. why and how. terrified of the wrath of Fazbear if they find out. while she's just. trundling about.#wheels on carpet floor style. struggling but getting there. happy beeps as she pushes a ball around on the floor. living her best life.#sfdsfdsfs I fucking LOVE Spike okay I miss her I need to bring her back somehow#I could give her to mangle or sprocket in robot hell but I'm not doing much with that right now#sdhfdfsfs Chica's recipe zine starring Spike!! and every image of her is just confusion#'see? even Spike likes bananas!' Chica says as she puts one on the floor so Spike can very happily run it over.#dfsdfsds love Spike. Spike enrichment is now running random foods over because she can. and also the wheels off a toy monster truck#so she can be an ALL TERRAIN wet floor bot. make them gecko wheels like DJ's hands and she's got everyone beat lmao#she can be DJ's Uppies Buddy!!#lmao Spike I'm so sorry I've left you in the dark for so long I'm bringing you back. beloved guy of all time
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i have decided i am doing absolutely nothing for the smpe anniversary, sorry. i just know it will not be happening so i wont even pretend it will jhdjh
#all i wanna do is doodle for random aus i have and then not share them 😔#just dont feel up to it. havent been drawing at all lately#even the au doodles i have in mind are just sitting around lol#might reblog a post or two but im not feeling it rn. maybe closer to the day i will#not feeling much at all tbh there's been a lot going on#i need to go to a doctor so bad My Bones Are Trying To Kill Me. gonna try another otc and see if this one helps ;-;#if it doesnt i might just throw away my last few paychecks on an x-ray to make sure i didnt completely screw something up#it hurts man i can barely even get on my laptop bc sitting hurts#i've either been at work or laying down. sometimes i try to play skyblock but that lasts like an hour max#aaaaaaaugh#anyways i just wanted to rant i havent been talking here a lot :V#on account of the job and The Pain and like. touching grass with friends on my days off#chat
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Chat, I think I'm gonna block some ppl on Instagram 💀 bc the way I see ppl I actually know on my feed makes me feel so icky
#journal entry ᝰ.ᐟ#I can live with random ppl on the internet living in my feed and enjoying life BUT NOT PPL I WENT TO HIGHSCHOOL WITH TT#how dare you thrive?/j#no but fr I just see memories of them at a stage of my life that wasn't great so IG it's justifiable right???????#I'd delete my Insta in a heartbeat if it wasn't for the posts that I've saved and my friends and some family members over there 🚶♀️
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Had THE funniest dream last night
#i was roommates with this couple who for some reason decided they were going to bone directly outside the house#like on the front porch more or less#except they were really worried about being seen? so i was kind of keeping a lookout for them#pretty much as soon as they.. began; a legolas cosplayer appeared complete with a camera crew#OH THAT WAS THE THING! my roommates were filming themselves but it was just on a mounted tripod#so i just opened the window and said ‘uhhh do you guys have a camera crew?’ and they looked around and screamed#had to run inside naked from the waist down. i was laughing and laughing#for some reason my next move was to post about this on tumblr but it got no notes and i was impatient so i posted about it on facebook#and TONS of people liked it immediately and then were sharing it and long story short it went viral#and there were random people in the comments saying like ‘oh this is so obviously fake’ and ‘why does she sound so unconcerned?’#because why would i be concerned?? gay sex is legal.. having it where other people can see isn’t exactly legal but they got inside quickly#and the legolas cosplayer and his camera crew didn’t exactly seem traumatised. they just looked confused if anything#also i’d written it in kind of a sarcastic and funny tone to be entertaining because it was honestly an absurd situation#why i would’ve posted this to FACEBOOK where most of my friends are my elderly relatives; ex-coworkers and high school people i don’t know#anyway that was my dream. two guys i vaguely know had four-second sex on my front porch; saw a legolas cosplayer; screamed and ran inside#OH and the other part of my dream was one of my mutuals on here (who i have only spoken to via prev tags) for some reason had my mobile#number and kept trying to call me#i had them in my phone just as their tumblr url even though they have a name and i know it? and for some reason i kept panicking#and rejecting the call and then coming up with spurious reasons for doing so#even though this person was extremely chill about it and was like ‘oh we can just talk another time!’#it made NO sense. i would absolutely speak to this person on the phone if i got the chance#but also why would i give them my number? and why would they be calling me from the states??#anyway. if you need me i’m going to make breakfast and go to pilates#personal
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Aim to kill. Don't imagine defeat. What point is there in picturing it? You're going to find the line that takes you to certain victory in mortal combat - only a fool would entertain the shadow of death that far.
Aim to kill. You play with your food too much. Don't just play to sate your bloodthirst. Cool that blood of yours - you need to view things more objectively. Always thinking about what you want to do - predictable, laughable, a liability.
Aim to kill. Your opponent will not hesitate.
Will you keep growing, or will you die on this hill?
I don't want to die. I don't want to die.
I don't want to die, so I'm going to surpass my limits, right now.
...Wishful thinking. Start again. From the beginning this time. Clearly you've still got the heart of a novice.
#my post#random musings#fighting games#i'm unsatisfied but i did pretty well#i did pretty well but i'm not satisfied#i'm happy but i want to do better#i love my friends but i need to kill them#i need to kill them even though i love them#i need to love them enough to kill them#look at them with eyes unflinching#see their weaknesses#the ebb and flow of their biorhythm#that unguarded moment#the gap in their knowledge#the reverse scale that i can use to control them#so true for all my opponents#murder them with all of my love#i don't need to fear them#or respect them#but i need to know exactly who they are#so i can crush them perfectly#i pray that I can overcome this hill#and that i will see it when i do#practicing right now won't help me at combo breaker. that fate was sealed three months ago i'm sure#but i still need to practice#every little bit matters
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Gaslighting? In MY household? It’s more likely than you think
#sad pav hours#<- ‘tis my new vent tag. filter as needed#just pav things#I have experienced so many levels of Confusion today#I mean most of it just boils down to my dad being a dick for no good reason#what do I even do to him????? I yet again ask him this and he’s like#‘I live with you’. My mere existence causes him misery apparently#He says that I’m unlikeable. I say that people generally enjoy my whimsical disposition or just don’t care and ignore me#or in the case of [redacted] try to pacify me in neurotypical ways that only ended up hurting when I found out#instead of communicating that she didn’t want to be friends. Actually that was what my first vent post on here in 2021 was about#and very ironically it was the reason me and Dolphin became friends (random skribbl game my beloved ^^)#But I digress#Also I’ve already accounted for the fact of my future bosses probably disliking me and some people out there just by virtue of being human#but i’d like to believe I’m generally likeable??? I have so much evidence to prove this that the put-down just ends up confusing#Also the amount of name-calling is insane once you stop filtering it out#I can just casually be called stupid. again without any reason#and then people wonder why I have such low self-esteem sometimes#I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the family scapegoat. I live with 3 blood relatives who hate me.#Also ffs I’M NOT A FREELOADER!!!! STOP sAYING THAT#I understand the real world will be brutal I see the real effects of the cost-of-living crisis every day#I’m prepared to live frugally to survive so stop saying i will be shook 😭 i’m fuckign ready to leave as soon as I have enough savings#and a place to stay. I’m done here. Except for the dogs I will always love and miss them 😭😭😭
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,
I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off.#to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one#but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time.#my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here.#the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.#im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession.#it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous.#but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole.#maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth.#that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing.#idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death#to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole?#i dont fucking think so!#yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight#even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death#whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life.#it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!!#and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this#bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about.#but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger...#and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol#anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes.#but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen...#negative/#i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.
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i never bothered with the like blocking new followers stuff (unless it was a bot or they were like some kind of reactionary) or locking a post if it gets too many notes cause i didnt really care if ppl followed me/reblogged my posts/etc but bro i have literally had one post blow up every day for the past 2? 3? days and have had several posts get upwards of 10k notes the past 2–3 months this is insane. i am so glad that tumblr fame means absolutely nothing though like even the most tumblr famous ppl would never like be paid to promote a brand or whatever. absolutely would never want to be an Influencer or whatever it is they're calling it these days. iam just vibing here
#also i *think* every post ive made thats blown up the past 3 months has been political?#which is funny cause when i made this blog i decided it would not be for Politics#not as in im apolitical on the blog but it was meant to be like just for reblogging pretty images and shitposts#and for generalised ~media~/~fandom~ interests not like a full on fandom blog but just to reblog fanart i like or whatever#i was like well i already have a Politics Twitter and also the communists on here seem pretty lame anyway so ill just keep this blog for#personal not super political stuff and keep my twitter for Social Media Politicking + irl organising stuff for IRL Politicking#but now my twitter is dead as hell lol#dont like having Followers though i want to be able to talk shit without random strangers seeing it#also im now at the point where i dont think i can talk shit about specific tumblr users without them having a reasonable chance of seeing i#not that they'd be following me but maybe one of my followers is friends with them or something and would forward it#sad!
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