#and i know it PROBABLY isn’t about me because she didn’t seem horribly angry with me just told me to stop and that she knows about it

[buck-yyyy]

fuck fuck fuck im so anxious about going to school tomorrow because i overheard a glimpse of a conversation that might have been about me but that probably isn’t but that would have very very very bad consequences if it was and FUCK i think i’m going to throw up

[mendeshoney]

you know my weakness is you (act two)

author's note: um...hello? is this thing on? sorry i've been away and that it took me a literal year and a few days to post part two to this story. also i meant to post this eariler but i am at home visiting family so i didn't realize this was not queued to post in est until literally right now. i appreciate everyone's love and patience in the meantime and hope you enjoy!

as a reminder - this character is a WOC and is plus sized bc...well, that's what I know as a person and it's kinda time I start actually trying to write like it. so let's just pretend there's a world where POC plus sized hockey wags can exist, mkay? i'm also manipulating some of the other wags of the team, so, that is also happening.

tags/warnings in no particular order: 18+, angst, enemies to lovers, miscommunication, unintentional secrets, insecurity, original female character, WOC character, consensual unprotected sex

word count: ~14,125

(read act one here)

When Mat sleeps, he dreams of Summer.

Mat dreams of her, craves her, wants nothing more than to have and to hold her.

He dreams of the words his captain spoke to him almost a week ago.

I’m telling you not to take this risk. This whole ‘I hate you but now I like you’ risk. And especially not with Summer.

She can’t go through that again.

And whether you want to admit it or not, there’s something between the two of you, and if it goes wrong, it’s going to be really, really bad.

If you’re not serious about her, leave her alone.

He thinks back through all of the horrible things he’d ever said to her, how even though he knew in his heart he was miles ahead of her shitty ex, he still wasn’t the type of person to deserve her, but dammit, that didn’t mean he wasn’t about to try.

Mat knows that he seriously wants Summer. Wants her desperately, has wanted her since the moment they met even though she pushed him away. And he’d wanted just one chance to prove to her that he’d make it worth her while, and he got more than enough.

Except now, it seemed his captain was going to be the one to put a stop to it.

After Mat had slept with Summer and Anders had given Mat his words of warning, the captain backed it up after practice a couple of days later, making it very clear to Mat how he felt about the idea.

“I can see in your eyes you’re not hearing what I said, so I’ll repeat it. Stay away from Summer.”

Mat had blinked at Anders, completely shocked and also thankful they were having this discussion away from the rest of the team.

“What?”

“Stay away, Mat.” Anders repeated, more serious and almost angry. “It’s not that I don’t like you, and it’s not that I don’t think you’re a good person. But you cannot be with Summer. At all.”

Mat bit back his snarky response, instead choosing his words carefully. “Is this about Sabrina?”

Anders shook his head. “This isn’t about Sabrina. This is about Summer.”

“What, are you in love with her or something?”

That was probably the wrong thing to say. Anders’ nostrils flared and he narrowed his eyes at Mat, jabbing a finger into Mat’s chest.

“Listen, Mat. I’ve known Summer since she was sixteen, she’s been my little sister in every sense of the word just as much as she’s been Sabrina’s, and I’ve seen her go through way too much and put up with way too much to allow you to come in just because she’s suddenly single and you’ve suddenly got the notion that you can do better than her ex boyfriend. I’m telling you right now, based on what I’ve seen? How your dynamic works? You can’t. And I don’t want you dating her.”

“That’s not up to you.” Mat said, moving Anders’ hand away. “That’s Summer’s choice. If she wants to be with me, she can be.”

“Then make it her choice not to be with you.” His captain responded, and it was exactly the ultimatum it sounded like. 

“And how do you propose I do that?” Mat bit back sarcastically. 

“You’ve been bickering since you met, and you’ve not done a single thing for her that shows that you care about her, or that you like her. Just because you slept with her once doesn’t mean you’re in love and need to be in a relationship. That’s not how it works.”

Mat scoffed. “Why are you speaking to me like I’m a kid?” 

“Because you’re acting like one.” Anders spat. “You’re acting like a child who thinks he’s in love after one time.”

“What if I’ve loved her the whole time?” Mat countered, completely serious.

Anders didn’t even blink, just laughed and shook his head. “Love? You’re joking, right? None of what you have is love, Mat. It’s not, it never has been, and it never will be. I’m telling you right now, before you take it any further, before it gets too deep. Stay. Away.”

Before Mat could respond, could tell Anders to either go fuck himself or try to plead his case, his captain walked away, and Mat knew in his gut he meant every word.

But…it already is too deep.

And he’s about to disobey his captain.

~

Despite her better judgment, Summer finds herself smiling when she walks into the small cafe shop, seeing Mat tucked into a table in the corner with her favorite iced coffee and favorite breakfast plate already ordered and sitting in front of him alongside his own order.

He’d texted her this morning, almost a week since they’d last seen one another, suggesting that they meet up to talk about what had happened in her room at Sabrina’s house.

When he’d given her the best two orgasms she’d ever had in her life, then asked her not to run, admitted to her that he liked her.

Mat Barzal.

Liked her. 

The thought made her both giddy and confused at the same time, admittedly completely unfamiliar with the rush of butterflies she’d been feeling everytime she found herself thinking about Mat, or reading a text from him.

They hadn’t seen each other since that time in her bedroom, Mat being too busy with pre-season training and practice, and Summer didn’t completely mind it. She had work as well, and was still helping Sabrina and Anders out with their wedding planning. 

Even so, seeing him after a week almost felt like she hadn’t seen him in months, and Summer knew in her heart that was probably something she should pay attention to a little more.

The butterflies, the anticipation, the giddiness - it was all quite a bit considering their history, but there was a part of it that just kind of…made sense?

Sabrina had teased her the night before when she’d been over to help her finalize the floral arrangement details. “It’s like when mom used to tell us that the boys who picked on us only did it because they liked us.”

Summer had laughed a little, and Anders, who had been sitting with them to finalize the boutonniere designs for the men’s tuxedos, had scoffed. “They’re not kids though, babe.”

Anders had seemed…apprehensive, to say the least, about her and Mat, but when Summer had asked him about it, Anders had just said “I’m not worried,” so she left it at that. Whatever it meant.

The closer she got to the table where Mat was sitting though, the more all of her concerns and worries faded away. 

Mat looks up as she approaches, pocketing his phone and giving Summer a wide smile. He stands to greet her, his hands cupping her face and offering her sweet kisses, murmuring how he thinks she looks pretty today in between each peck.

She’s sure she’s blushing beneath the bronze of her skin, and the smile she gives him in return is probably showing just how happy she feels at this moment.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“No need to be sorry princess,” he says. “You’re right on time.”

Summer smiles, taking her seat across from him and taking a sip of her coffee.

Mat watches her with a smile on his face, laying his hand out on the table, palm up. She raises a brow, but puts her hand in his anyway, waiting.

“We should probably talk about all this, shouldn’t we?” He says.

Summer shrugs, “If you want to.”

“I just want to know that you want this, too.” Mat offers, playing with the rings decorating her fingers. “We don’t have to talk, because as far as I’m concerned, if we both want this, then there’s nothing to talk about.”

She assesses Mat quietly as she takes in his words, thinking about the dynamics of their relationship.

“I think we maybe owe it to each other to at least clear the air, don’t you?” 

He nods, thumb rubbing the back of her hand gently. “I’ll start. I never hated you, not even a little bit. You got on my nerves a little, but I never hated you. I think I just acted that way because I thought you hated me first.”

Summer blinks a little, not expecting that right away. “I didn’t hate you, Mat.”

“It kind of felt like it.” He admits, but his eyes are playful, letting Summer know he’s not upset by it.

She thinks back to the day they met. His curious gaze as it ran over her body, how back then she couldn’t handle scrutiny like that from anyone, good or bad, because she could only ever see it as bad. 

A man like Mat looking at a plus size woman of color like Summer didn’t exactly always spell out happy endings.

She’d let her insecurities get the better of her then, let it push them both into something that maybe neither of them wanted. 

But still, they’d gotten here in the end, didn’t they?

“I think I just…I think we got off on the wrong foot.” She admits. “I never hated you either, I think I just felt…unsure.”

“Of me?” 

“Maybe you, maybe myself. I don’t know.” She says.

“Well now that it’s established that we don’t hate each other, and that you know that I like you, how do you feel?”

Butterflies.

Anticipation.

Giddiness.

Like a teenager in love for the first time.

Summer ignores all of that and shrugs playfully. “I suppose I might like you, too.”

The kilowatt smile that breaks out on Mat’s face is one Summer is probably going to remember for the rest of her life. He’s looking at her like she just hung the sun, moon, and the stars in the galaxy, crafting the heavens and given it to him.

“I can work with that.” He says, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it gently. “I’ll be happy to work with that.”

Her heart hammers in her chest, and as they dig into their breakfast, she can’t help but feel like she should’ve made this decision a lot sooner.

~

Mat wakes up to Summer cuddled against his side, and he quickly silences his alarm, wishing for nothing more than the opportunity to lay in bed with her for the rest of the day - the rest of time at this point.

Carefully, he untangles himself from her, making sure she’s sound asleep and tucked back in while he heads to the bathroom to start getting ready for training and practice. Once he’s brushed his teeth, he heads out and into the kitchen, going about making himself breakfast and getting food ready for Summer for when she wakes up later.

He checks his phone, spotting a text from Anders in the team group chat reminding everyone of the start time today at the facility. 

Mat tries not to get pissed off before the day even starts.

Anders has been nothing but a pain in his ass since he and Summer started seeing one another, almost as if he knows Mat never had any intention of listening to him and knows that Summer’s been in his bed nearly every night since that conversation.

Whatever. Mat doesn’t give a shit.

He’s not a kid, Anders isn’t his dad, and he’s not Summer’s keeper. He and Summer can do whatever they want, and if Anders wants to throw his weight around as captain Mat can handle it, but he’s not giving Summer up.

Once he’s about ready to go, he heads back into his bedroom to grab a hoodie and his gym bag, surprised to find that Summer’s awake, laying on her side, putting her phone down and greeting him with a soft smile when he steps inside. 

Mat’s heart literally nearly leaps from his chest to lay at her side.

Her curly hair rests on the pillow beneath her like a gentle halo, full breasts pushing at the fabric of Mat’s shirt she wore to bed. His shirt’s risen up a little and is showing a glimpse of the skin of her stomach, the blankets pooled a little bit above her waist.

She beckons Mat to her playfully, and he goes easily, climbing onto the bed and kissing her without a second to waste, slightly surprised by the minty taste of her mouth.

“You've been up long?” He murmurs to her, and she shakes her head.

“Maybe about ten minutes or so?” She says. “I thought you’d already left, so I was getting ready to go see Sabrina.”

“More wedding stuff today?” He asks, bending his head and pushing her hair over her shoulder so he can leave soft kisses on her neck.

She nods, letting out content sounds as his lips move. “Yeah, figuring out the seating chart for Anders’ side.”

Mat pauses at that, and pulls back, staring at Summer curiously. She hadn’t mentioned anything about Anders voicing his recent distaste for Mat to her, but still.

“Has he been different towards you? You know, since we…” His voice trails off.

Summer shakes her head. “Not really? He seemed apprehensive about it, but he hasn’t been different. Why? Has he said something to you?”

Mat hesitates, unsure of what and how much to tell Summer.

“He’s…not exactly happy about the two of us at the minute.” Mat begins, but as he speaks, he can see the fire in Summer’s eyes begin to build. Since he’s all too familiar with where that might lead, he immediately backtracks, making the decision to not tell her the whole truth. “It’s fine, just…maybe don’t talk about us in front of or around him for now, okay?”

“Don’t?” Summer asks, and at the fact that Mat can see the fire dissipate for a little, he nods, still careful with his words. 

“Not that I want to keep us a secret, or anything like that, I just don’t want him to say something to you about it, or have him get upset at you. He’s just trying to be a good brother in law, is all, I’m sure. Just let me handle it, okay?”

Summer nods, smiling sweetly. “Okay, I won’t say anything, I promise.”

Mat smiles, kissing her again, not complaining when Summer turns the kiss a little dirty, running her tongue against his lips gently. He pulls away again, quickly checking the time on his phone and smirking when he sees he’s got about fifteen minutes before he absolutely has to leave.

He really only needs five.

When he looks back at her, he’s got a cheshire grin on his face that Summer’s eyes twinkle at. 

“Are you still in the same state you went to bed in?” He asks. 

Summer smiles, nodding. Mat immediately rips the covers off of her, exposing her bare lower half, and Mat’s cock throbs at the memory.

Last night, after they’d showered and gotten ready for bed, Mat had cuddled up against her, wrapped her in his arms and tried very hard to not focus on how soft she felt against him, about how good it felt to have her there, how warm her body was.

She’d rested her leg on his waist, propping herself open, and Mat had dipped his fingers under the blanket to play with her, his sanity completely disappearing when he felt how wet she was for him. He’d torn her underwear off her not long after, fucking her slow and gentle until she shook in his embrace, his name falling from her lips in satisfaction.

Now, he shuffles himself down the bed till he’s nestled between her beautiful thighs, and Summer looks down at him curiously.

“Thought you had to leave for practice?”

“I’ve got plenty of time,” he says. “Plus, this is way more important than practice.”

Summer starts to protest, maybe to say something smart back to him, but whatever her response was going to be dies on her lips the second Mat’s mouth latches onto her skin.

~

Summer feels like she’s practically skipping as she heads into Sabrina’s house, bouncing off the balls of her feet in happiness. 

After Mat had managed to coax about three orgasms out of her just with his mouth and fingers before leaving for practice this morning, she felt like she could just about do anything. Especially with the way he speaks to her the whole time.

She’d enjoyed bickering with him before all of this, but it wasn’t until she reflected on the first two times they’d fooled around that she realized Mat loves dirty talk, and that he’s particularly good at it. 

The second she enters Sabrina’s house though, she shoves those thoughts aside and tries to tone down the happiness, especially with Sabrina staring at Summer like she’s got three heads.

“What are you so chipper about this morning?” Sabrina asks, eyeing her over the rim of her mug as she sips her coffee.

“Nothing,” Summer dismisses all too quickly.

“Mhm,” Sabrina says, raising a brow. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain winger, would it?”

“Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t.” She responds, resting her purse on the counter and going about making a cup of coffee for herself.

“How are you two doing?”

“We’re fine,” Summer says. “Happy.”

“That’s good,” Sabrina says genuinely. “I’m glad. Anders will be happy to know you haven’t killed each other.”

At that, Summer remembers Mat’s words from this morning, and turns to her sister with a slightly serious expression. “Could you maybe…not tell him?”

Sabrina blinks at Summer. “Why?”

“I just…I know how protective he is, and I don’t think he’s a fan of the idea. I just don’t want to put Mat in a bad spot. Could you maybe just…keep it to yourself? About Mat and I?”

“You want me to keep it from my husband that my little sister and his star winger are dating?”

Summer sighs. “Please, Sabi? Just this once, I am asking you not to tell your husband every little thing about your life and mine.”

Sabrina eyes her warily, but agrees. “Alright. But is this because Mat doesn’t want anyone to know you’re dating? Or something else?”

“It’s like I said, Anders is protective, he’s not a fan, and the season’s about to start. I don’t want to put Mat in a bad spot.”

Summer can see that there’s something in Sabrina’s eyes that makes her want to push this more, to understand, but thankfully, she drops it. 

Truthfully, she’s not sure where Anders’ apprehension is coming from, or why, but it’s clear he and Mat are at odds about it, and Summer trusts Mat enough to handle it, and enjoy their time together in the meantime.

~

After practice, as Mat is walking out to his car, he hears Anders’ call his name. Internally, he groans, not wanting to deal with his bullshit right now, but he knows it’s better to just get this over with now so he doesn’t have to put up with it for the rest of the season.

He turns, his face completely deadpan as Anders approaches.

“Did you think about what I said?” Anders asks.

Mat rolls his eyes. “Yeah, been thinking about it non-stop.”

Anders doesn’t look amused. “I wasn’t joking, Mat. I meant it.”

Mat feels the instinct to ball his fists, but he refrains.

He doesn’t care that this is his friend and captain, and doesn't care how long Anders has known Summer. Anders doesn’t get to just rock up and tell Mat who he can and can’t have feelings for. 

Whatever Mat and Summer’s relationship was like in the past is theirs to work through, and if Anders doesn’t like it, then fine.

He doesn’t need to fucking know.

“I’m aware.” Mat says. “I took care of it.”

Anders raises an eyebrow. “Took care of what?”

“We’re not together.” Mat says, the lie slipping easily through his teeth. “We’re not dating, not seeing each other, not falling in love, just like you asked. Your precious sister in law is perfectly fine high in her tower.”

Anders stares at him, probably gauging to see if he’s telling the truth, but Mat’s expression doesn’t falter. After a few moments, Anders visibly relaxes. “You two fought again, didn’t you?”

Mat scoffs. “Maybe we did, maybe we didn’t. That’s not the point. The point is you got what you wanted.”

“It’s for the best, Mat.” Anders insists, reaching out to rest a “captainly” hand on Mat’s shoulder, but Mat steps away, shaking his head.

“Whatever. See you tomorrow.”

Mat gets in his car, pulling out of the team lot and heading home, a smug feeling settling in his chest that Anders has no idea Summer will most definitely be waiting for him when he gets there.

~

“You got a little something on your face, Princess” Mat says, “Riiight…here,” and leaning in, he drops his spoon into his bowl of ice cream, grabs Summer’s face between his hands, and peppers kisses all over her face, working from one corner of her mouth to the other.

Summer giggles wildly beneath his lips, eyes shut tight as she tries to hold onto her own bowl and spoon under the assault of Mat’s kisses. 

She felt like her laugh lines were getting deeper and deeper with each passing day she spent with Mat, wrapped up in his embrace or under the constant receiving end of his affection and attention. It had been a little over a month of this now, this work in progress relationship. 

From what she knew, things between Anders and Mat were still a bit tense, but Mat reassured her that things were fine. It was just Anders finding it difficult to have a teammate date a family member, Mat had explained to her, and that he just needed time to come to terms with it. Summer could understand, so to be safe, and to make it easier on everyone, she continued to avoid speaking about Mat around Anders, and even shared a little less with Sabrina, just in case.

Knowing Sabrina, it only took a couple of glasses of wine for her to spill the beans, so it was better to say less than say more.

There had been a couple of times that they’d all been at Anders and Sabrina’s house, Summer there for wedding things and Mat there for team things, when they’d sneak off and fool around for a little bit with no one being the wiser, but Summer found it more fun than anything.

They’d just gotten back from a dinner date a little bit ago, Mat making them ice cream sundaes to have for dessert before bed after Summer admitted she had a small craving.

Once he finishes his onslaught of kisses, Mat reaches for the canister of whipped cream, spraying a little more onto her bowl and his own before digging back in. 

The TV’s playing a movie on Netflix, and when he turns his attention back to the screen, it brings Summer’s eyes to the time on his DVR box.

“Don’t forget we have dinner tomorrow night at Sabrina and Anders’ house.”

Mat groans. “Their pre-wedding late engagement party thing, right?”

Summer hums in confirmation, taking another bite of her ice cream. “Yeah. They didn’t throw one when they first got engaged since they were in Marbella, so they’re having it now while some of Anders’ family is in town for the home opener.”

“Speaking of the home opener,” Mat says, then puts his bowl down, walking off to his room before coming back, an Islanders Pro Shop bag in his hand. He hands it to Summer, who eyes it warily.

“Is this what I think it is?” She asks.

Mat shrugs, grabbing his bowl and digging back in. “What do you think it is?”

“An Islanders branded dildo?”

Mat chokes in surprise as Summer laughs, enjoying how easy it is to make him flustered.

She turns the bag upside down and is only mildly surprised when the jersey falls into her lap, the bright blue and orange and white staring at her like a neon sign.

“Would you prefer that I wear this?” She asks. “Are you going to ask me to only wear this once we get back home?”

Mat laughs, shaking his head as he puts his finally empty bowl to the side. “You wear whatever you want, baby, however you want to wear it.”

Summer smiles at him, then pauses. “Wearing this to the game probably wouldn’t be a good idea, what with Anders and all.”

Mat frowns. He’d clearly forgotten about that part, but shrugs. He reaches over, playing with the hem of Summer’s dress where it rests against her thigh. “Then I suppose you will have to wear it once we get home.” 

Summer smirks as Mat moves and wraps a hand around her ankle, maneuvering her until she’s laying with her back on the floor, watching him through curious eyes.

“And what else would you propose I wear?” She asks, watching as Mat removes her underwear and then reaches for the whipped cream canister, squirting out a dollop onto her clit.

“Nothing, if we’re being honest.” He says, rearranging himself to lay between her legs. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Princess, it’s a little rude to talk with my mouth full.”

Summer’s giggles dissipate into moans as Mat’s tongue licks away the whipped cream, the fabric of his jersey gripped tightly between her fingers as he enjoys his second dessert.

~

Mat leans back against the sofa in Sabrina and Anders’ living room, a little bit of tension leaving his shoulders now that Anders’ family has left and it’s just a few guys from the team, some of Sabrina’s friends, and Summer left behind. 

Everyone’s settled into the living room to wind down and chat a little before they all head home, and Mat watches as Anders’ has to keep a hand on Sabrina’s waist while she sits down. Summer told him that she’d had three glasses of wine because of how nervous she still got around Anders’ family, but it hardly affected her throughout the night. Now though, it seemed that since his family was gone, the anxiety and nerves were also gone, and the wine was catching up to her pretty quickly.

Summer was the last to make her way into the living room, and after a quick scan, found the only open seat left was next to Mat on the sofa. He was aware of Anders’ stare the entire time Summer made her way over, only breaking away once Summer sat down and Sabrina said something to him.

Mat barely listened to the conversation going on around him, too aware of the fact that Anders was watching them both like a hawk and that he was trying his best to behave. 

At one point, Summer must have started to feel exhausted, because he could hear the way her breathing began to even out, and then, her head gently landed on his shoulder. Tito saw it as well from his spot, and smiled at Mat.

That drew Sabrina’s attention, and she cooed, reaching out to gently wake Summer.

“Been a long day hasn’t it babes?” Sabrina asked, and Summer blinked the sleep out of her eyes.

“Sorry,” she says, then recognizing she’s still leaning against Mat, she blushes, smiling shyly when she repeats “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he assures, trying to seem flippant about it. “I don’t mind.”

“You two are such a cute couple.” Sabrina says through a laugh as she observes them, and the silence that follows is almost deafening.

“Who?” Tito asks stupidly. 

“Summer and Mat, obviously.” Sabrina says, and the second it’s out of her mouth, realization hits and her expression changes.

Damn wine.

“I mean-” Sabrina tries to backtrack, but it’s too late.

“Mathew, can I speak to you for a moment? Outside.” Anders says, his tone of voice making it clear that it’s not a request, but a demand. 

Anders heads out to the backyard, and Summer looks at Mat wearily. “Mat, you don’t-”

“No, it’s okay, Princess.” He promises, pressing a kiss to her temple and ignoring the apologetic look Sabrina tosses his way. He heads out after Anders without another word, walking up to where he’s waiting by the pool bar.

“What the fuck did you do?” Anders demands, pushing Mat the second he gets closer.

Mat finds restraint deep in his well of patience, deciding it would still not be a good idea to punch his captain in the face. 

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been seeing Summer? This whole time, you’ve been dating?”

“Maybe we have. What does it matter to you?” 

“I told you to stay away from her.” Anders spits, pointing a finger in Mat’s face. “I told you to stay away and you didn’t listen. And you somehow thought hiding this behind my back was a good idea?!”

“And I told you that you didn’t get to tell me who I did and didn’t get to have feelings for.” 

Anders laughs bitterly. “Oh so now it’s feelings? At the beginning of all this you said you were in love with her, and now it’s just feelings? Make up your mind, Mat.”

“I do have feelings for her! I do love her!”

“No you fucking don’t,” Anders spits. “You haven’t loved her a single day since you started sneaking around and lying about this relationship.”

“What else was I supposed to do? You made it very clear you didn’t want me around her and I made it very clear that that wasn’t your choice to make. So I did what you asked and let Summer make the choice for us both.”

“What is he talking about?”

Summer’s voice cuts through the night air like a knife to the gut, and Mat turns to find her staring at the both of them. 

She looks like an angel, hair blowing in the wind, the skirt of her dress flowing out beside her, the backyard lights casting a heavenly glow around her. 

But it’s her face that breaks Mat’s heart. Her face says she heard everything, and even though she’s standing right there, Mat can tell she’s already a million miles away from him. 

God dammit.

He couldn’t catch a fucking break today, could he?

“Summer,” Anders says, using his brotherly voice with her. “Go back inside.”

“No,” she says, and the tone of voice she’s using is one she’s only ever used against Mat when they used to be at odds. 

That used to feel like a lifetime ago, but Mat knows for sure that it’s probably coming back to him sooner than he’d like. 

“Summer-” Anders tries again, but Summer won’t hear it.

“No,” she repeats, taking a step closer to them. “You told him to stay away from me? Tried to stop him from dating me?”

“I was just trying to-” 

Summer holds up a hand, effectively silencing Anders, then turns to Mat. “And you. You said you wanted to keep quiet about us until you and Anders reached an understanding. But really, the whole time, you told him we weren’t seeing each other?”

“Summer, I can explain, I-”

“You said you didn’t want to keep us a secret.” She continues talking like Mat never said a single word. “But really, you just didn’t want to be the one keeping a secret. You wanted me to do it for you.”

The night air is suddenly heavy and silent, Anders and Mat staring at the ground in shame, nothing left to say. 

Summer scoffs bitterly. “Unbelievable.”

The click of her heels on the pavement has Mat’s head snapping up, his feet immediately moving when he sees she’s walking away. Anders is hot on their heels, following as Summer heads back into the house, noticing Sabrina and the others with their attention on Summer as she heads for her purse, then straight for the door.

“Summer?” Sabrina asks, concerned.

Summer says nothing, and Mat calls for her, but she keeps walking.

The three of them follow Summer out to the driveway, and Mat breaks into a sprint then, managing to get in front of her to block her path. 

“Princess please, just listen for a second-”

“Get out of my way, Mathew.” She says.

It’s the tone of voice that almost has him frozen in his spot. There’s no anger, no heat.

Fuck fuck fuck.

“Princess, I-”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry, Summer, I’m so sorry. But you don’t understand, I just wanted us to-”

“It doesn’t matter.” She says, placing a hand on his chest. “I don’t have the energy to deal with this right now. Please move.”

Mat wants to do anything but that, but he knows he probably won’t get anywhere with her about it tonight, so he does as she asks, and steps aside. By the time Anders catches up to them, she’s in her car and backing out of the driveway.

Mat feels like she’s taking his heart with her.

~

Summer sighs, spinning in the mirror and pursuing her lips as she examines the fifth maid of honor gown Sabrina’s managed to coax her into in the last hour. 

They’re at the Vera Wang Bridal House on Fifth Avenue, where Alex, one of Sabrina’s oldest pageant friends and bridesmaids, works as the manager. She’s been diligently helping Sabrina and Summer find the right maid of honor dress with the wedding only a couple of weeks away, and also helping to talk Sabrina out of some of the more less than ideal options.

The dress Summer’s trying on now is in the exact shade of what Sabrina’s been calling “champagne rose gold,” that she picked as one of her wedding colors, a spaghetti strap gown that accentuates Summer’s curves and compliments her shape. 

But it still doesn’t feel…well, like something Summer would wear, at least not as the maid of honor to her sister’s wedding. 

“I don’t know, Sabi,” she mutters, examining the way the silk falls against her body. “I like it, but it could be better.”

She looks in the mirror towards her sister, the bride to be, watching as she frowns, cocking her head to the side. “You’re right. The Lou's nice on you but the color’s a little off.” Sabrina turns toward the rack of dresses, pointing at one of the racks and then turning to Alex, smiling sweetly when she asks “Can we see the Lourdes, the Joelle, the Evelyne, the Diane, and the Vaness?”

Summer blanches. “Not the Vaness.” 

Sabrina raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at her. “Why not?” 

“Sabi,” Summer deadpans. “The v-neck on that dress is deeper than the Mariana Trench. My boobs would be all over the place.”

“Your boobs would look amazing in it.” Sabi insists, turning to Alex. “Right?”

Summer sends Alex a pleading look over Sabrina’s head, and Alex smiles, shaking her head. “Your sister’s at least a 38D and the Vaness can barely hold a 36C. I’d say ax the Vaness, and if you want to see a v-neck option, we can look at the Vanetta and the Varun instead. They’re a little more stable.” 

Sabrina hums, then nods. “Alright, I’ll accept the alternative.” 

“Thank you,” Summer says with a grateful sigh, and Alex sends her a wink before pulling the six gowns off the rack and putting them in Summer’s dressing room before heading back out to join Sabrina.

When Summer shuts the dressing room door, she carefully takes off the gown she has on and puts it back on its hangar before reaching for the next one.

Just as she’s zipping up the Lourdes, her phone vibrates in her purse from where it's resting on the chair beside her. She ignores it, focusing on adjusting the sweetheart neckline and the tulle of the train of the down when it goes off again, and then again, and then again, before it starts to vibrate with the frequency of a phone call.

She assumes it’s their father, calling on behalf of their mother to pester Summer for details on the fitting since Sabrina probably won’t answer.

Sabrina and their mom had gone shopping for her ‘mother of the bride’ dress last week and Sabrina was not pleased after her mother insisted on needing three dresses - one for the ceremony, one for the cocktail hour, and one for the reception. Sabrina was still a little upset, and their dad had been playing the middle man ever since.

Fussing with the zipper with one hand, and reaching blindly in her purse for her phone with the other, Summer answers her phone without even looking, immediately saying “Tata, okay naman kami. You don’t have to keep calling, just tell mom I’ll send her a picture of my dress when I’m done. Lalo lang itong makakainis kay Sabrina.”

From outside her dressing room, she can hear Sabrina snort in agreement. 

There’s a small pause on the other line, and for a second Summer worries that she’d been on speakerphone and their mother was about to scream down the line, but then she hears someone clear their throat before they say “I uh…I’m not your dad, and I didn’t understand a lot of that.”

Summer blinks, her heart plummeting to her stomach. She lets go of the zipper of the dress that she’d finally managed to pull up, then slowly pulls her phone away from her ear. When the screen lights up, and the contact name “13” shows up on her phone, she gasps in part shock and part anger, the phone slipping from her hand and clattering to the hardwood floor of her dressing room.

She wasn’t expecting that.

He’d been silent these last couple of weeks, giving her space after everything that had happened, so him calling so suddenly was…strange. 

And Summer was definitely not prepared to speak to him today. Especially when she hadn’t sorted out how she felt and how she’d go about handling this ridiculous situation.

The noise alerts Alex and Sabrina, who Summer can hear scramble to their feet before they start knocking on the door. 

“Summer,” Sabrina calls. “Are you okay in there?”

“Do you need help?” Alex offers.

Summer takes a deep breath, trying to calm her sudden racing heart and staring at her phone in total offense. She can hear Mat going “Hello? Summer?” and prays Sabrina and Alex can’t hear him at all.

“I’m fine,” Summer croaks out. “Just dropped my phone.”

She quickly bends down, grabbing her phone and ending the call, turning off her phone, and tossing it back into her purse. Quickly, she looks in the mirror, adjusting the dress one final time and fixing her hair. 

There’s a slight flush to her cheeks, and she schools her facial expression, pointing at her reflection in the mirror as if to say “Get your shit together,” before squaring her shoulders and opening the door.

“What about this one?” Summer asks, pasting on her best “nothing to see here” smile. 

Sabrina and Alex exchange suspicious glances, and Summer promptly ignores them.

And also especially ignores the way her heart hasn’t stopped pounding in her chest since hearing Mat’s voice.

~

Mat looks down at his phone one more time, then back at Summer’s building. 

He hadn’t seen her since everything that had gone down at Sabrina and Anders’ place, and she’d been ignoring his texts and calls, save the one she definitely didn’t mean to answer the other day.

Part of him knows it’s because she’s probably upset at him and Anders for lying to her, but before, when she was upset, he was used to her arguing with him, with her still being around.

All this space and silence was new, and he didn’t like it at all.

As he approaches the front of her building, nerves start to creep in. 

What the fuck am I doing here?

The more he wondered, the more he was afraid, the more he thought about her. And the more he thought about her, the more she got under his skin, the more she invaded his dreams, the more he knew he couldn’t waste another second without seeing her, or feeling her one more time.

No matter how badly he may have fucked up. 

There’s a buzz, a loud one, that snaps him back into reality, and he’s surprised when “Come on up!” from Summer's cheery voice greets his ears.

He hears another buzz and the snick of the doors unlocking, so he rushes in without a second thought, taking the elevator to Summer’s floor. 

When he gets to her door, he knocks tentatively, noticing she’s got some door decoration hanging over her peephole, and Mat feels his gut churn irritably. 

“Coming!” Summer calls, and Mat’s heart suddenly starts to thunder in his chest. 

Hold the fuck up. Is she expecting someone?

Blood starts to boil in his veins.

She let me in without even knowing who I was.

He can hear her footsteps getting closer to the door.

Is she…is she going on a date?

The thought is irrational, he knows, but he can’t help but worry about it anyway.

There’s a distinct shattering sound that echoes in his ears. Before he even debates if he has the right to think that, let alone even think of asking it, the door opens and Mat’s eyes are graced with the stunning reality of Summer’s natural beauty.

She’s wearing an oversized graphic t-shirt that has him questioning if she’s even wearing pants, and her long beautiful curls are down, stray curls framing her face, and then those chocolate eyes are staring at him in disbelief and he just-

Fuck.

“Hi.” He breathes, heart in his stomach.

God damn she’s so fucking beautiful.

“Mat?” Summer asks, like she doesn’t believe what’s in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” He begins. “I know it’s been a minute, but-”

“It’s been almost three weeks, actually,” Summer deadpans. “And now isn’t a good time.”

“Expecting someone else?” He all but interrogates, venom quickly seeping into his voice. It’s too easy with Summer, too easy to slip back into their little game, no matter how much he doesn’t want to.

But apparently Summer doesn’t want to either. She gives no indication that she’s heard him, no obvious tell that his irritation is irritating her right back. Her full lips don’t move, remain stoic and perfect and plump and-

God does he want to kiss her.

“Yes, actually.” She tells him. “I have friends coming over, and-”

Mat goes to her before he can think about it. He’s moving into her space, backing her into her apartment and kicking her door shut behind him before he takes her in his arms, spinning them around to press her back into the door and then sinking his hands into her hair, pulling her head back, and kissing her like his life depends on it.

For a moment, time stands still when his lips meet hers. He feels like his universe was knocked off its axis without her, and being close to her again, it’s like everything falls back into place. 

All the tension, all the worry, all the “will she, won’t she,” it all falls away and disappears. 

The only thing that matters is Summer.

Relief instantly floods his veins when he feels her relax against him, when her hands land on his shoulders, and it dissipates just as quickly when she puts just enough pressure under her hands and pushes him away.

Mat backs up, hands dropping away from her altogether, even though his fingertips tingle with the need to reach for her, to bring her back.

Summer looks angry.

“No.” She says firmly. “Absolutely not.”

No no no no no he thinks. Panics.

“Summer, I-” He begins, watching her walk past him and moves further into her living room. 

“No, Mathew. You don’t do what you did and show up here and kiss me and expect me to just forgive you.”

“I’m sorry, I just meant to-”

“I know what you meant. But you still shouldn’t have done it.” Summer spits, all fire and brimstone. “You can’t come here and kiss me like I’m still your dirty little secret.”

“What?” He shakes his head, staring at Summer in disbelief. “You’re not my dirty little secret, Summer. That’s not what this was at all.”

“Yeah,” she rolls her eyes. “Okay.”

“I wanted to tell you the truth,” he insists, swearing, “I just…I just couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t tell me that Anders tried to enforce some stupid rule you didn’t need to listen to because you’re both grown men? Couldn’t tell me that he was being overprotective and that he told you you couldn’t be with me? Couldn’t tell me that you didn’t have the guts to tell him no to his face? What of any of that ‘couldn’t’ you do, Mat?”

Mat frowns. “He’s my captain, Summer.”

“What the fuck does that mean to me? He’s my brother in law. I could’ve handled him on my own, spoken to him and told him to back the fuck off, and Sabrina would’ve told him the same. Instead you made it sound like he knew the whole time but was just having trouble accepting it.”

“You’re right. I handled it terribly, and I’m sorry.”

She stares at him for a second, then nods. “Okay, I accept your apology, now get out.”

His stomach bottoms out. “What?”

“Just leave, Mat.” She says, shaking her head and pointing at her front door behind him. “Just leave.”

He doesn’t know what else to say, doesn’t know what else to do, so he just nods, doing exactly as she asks.

~

Mat lets out a frustrated groan, dropping down to the ice to lay on his back, pain running through his bones as he shuts his eyes.

He can hear a teammate skating closer to where he lays, before feeling the blade of a stick poke him in the side. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Isn’t that the fucking question of the day?

It had been a week since she’d kicked him out and no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the look on her face out of his head, and he couldn’t escape the lingering tingle on his lips after kissing her after spending so much time away from her. 

The reality is that he had Summer, and then he didn’t. And though to everyone else it should seem like that’s normal, that they’ve always been at odds and don’t like each other, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Mat never hated Summer at all, and he never wanted to keep her a secret, but he thought that was his only option, the only way to go about finally being able to have her.

And he still ended up losing her anyway. 

“Nothing.” Mat mutters, keeping his eyes shut and trying to focus on the freezing surface beneath him, wiggling his toes in his skates.

“Looks like something.” He hears Tito mutter as he skates closer. “You’re skating like shit today.”

“Thanks for that babe.” Mat deadpans. “Appreciate it.”

“Did you get dumped or something?” Tito asks again.

Mat���s eyes fly open at that, and he lolls his head to the side to glare at him. “Not so fucking loud, dingus.”

“Well is it true or not?” His best friend presses. 

“I don’t even know if we were officially together in the first place.”

Across the ice, a loud voice echoes. “You’re not gonna be together in the future either if you don’t get your shit together.”

Mat finds himself shooting up into a sitting position, head spinning to look at his captain, who’s already looking at him with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Anders’ mouth presses together in a firm line as he skates closer to Mat and Tito, and when he’s close enough, he jabs Mat in the leg with the blade of his stick. “It means you need to apologize, you idiot.” 

Mat just stares at him. “Thought you said you didn’t want me to be around her?”

“I said I didn’t want you to be around her if you weren’t serious about her. You moping around the locker room, skating like shit, acting like you just got divorced - that tells me that I was wrong about all of this, and that shit might be a little serious.”

Mat stays silent. He’s not exactly sure what to tell his captain at this point. A week ago it would’ve been “Fuck you very much,” but he’s pretty sure Anders is trying to…apologize?

He assesses him carefully, then it clicks. “Summer and Sabrina chewed you out, huh?”

Anders doesn’t look impressed. “I got what was coming to me. Looks like you did, too.” 

Well that he couldn’t deny. 

“I tried to apologize.” Mat admits. “She told me to take a hike.”

Anders scoffs. “Did you expect anything less? And since when do you back down from arguing with her?”

“Like you said, shit’s pretty serious. So…yeah. I backed down and I left when she told me to.”

Tito taps Mat in the leg with his skate gently. “You love her?”

Mat hesitates to answer, not because he’s not sure. He’s pretty sure he does, almost certain, but he’s never said it, not really shown it, and he isn’t sure if Anders is still after his head, so he stays quiet.

Anders sighs. “What do you feel for her, exactly?”

Mat can put it into words, but as he thinks about it, it might not be the best explanation.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with Summer since the day I met her, but she hated me on sight, so I pretended to hate her too. Except then I realized that she actually liked me, and now because I’ve been an idiot I think she actually hates me. And I still think I might be in love with her anyway.

…to be fair, that didn’t sound so bad.

Except, when Mat says those exact words out loud to Anders, silence falls around them, and he realizes several of their teammates, including Tito, were in hearing range, and now everyone’s staring at Mat like they’re waiting for him to disintegrate right in front of them.

“I uh…” Mat begins, falters for a second. “I just mean…”

“I know what you mean.” Anders says, nodding. “You should probably tell her all that yourself though, yeah? Preferably soon. Wedding’s next week, and Sabrina and I are going on our mini honeymoon during the Thanksgiving break, so…do with that what you will.”

Without another word, Anders skates away, and only after Mat casts a scathing look to the rest of his eavesdropping teammates do they follow suit, except for Tito.

Tito shakes his head, tapping Mat’s side with the blade of his stick. “Get your shit together,” he insists, before he skates away too.

Mat sighs, laying back on the ice and letting the cold settle into his bones. 

~

Sabrina and Anders had a beautiful wedding.

Truly, really, they did. 

Summer’s heart ached with happiness for her sister. 

It was everything Sabrina had wanted, everything she’d worked hard to plan, and through all the stress and breakdowns her older sister had, she was finally married and had the wedding of a lifetime to enjoy and look back on.

And since she and Anders had managed to resolve their issues, she was genuinely happy for him again, too. 

She had a feeling she’d find it hard to remain upset at both Mat and Anders, considering the more time she had to think about it, and remembered that men were in fact, stupid, thanks to Sabrina, she did understand both their perspectives. 

Anders had known her since she was sixteen and had seen her struggle with her self love, seen her date shitty people, and witnessed every second of her and Mat arguing like their lives depended on it. He was just looking out for her, wanting to protect her and make sure she didn’t go through something like that again, and especially not with someone Anders was friends and teammates with. He had to be around Mat on a frequent basis, and if it went bad between her and him, he would’ve had to tiptoe around them both awkwardly.

Except none of that was his to worry about, or even something Summer expected of him, which he understood now. 

The part that had Summer tripped up was the fact that Mat had explicitly said he didn’t want to keep Summer a secret, and how she’d understood, but he ended up keeping her a secret too, and she unknowingly helped him. 

Realistically, she did forgive Mat, but she also knows she should’ve been able to move on from it just as easily as she did with Anders. Maybe it was the fact that she expected more from Mat, considering how…intimate they were, but deep down she knew it was just her insecurities rearing their ugly head again.

Before it was the disbelief that he’d been looking at her in appreciation the first time they met, and now it was the uncertainty that he was only doing what he thought was the right thing to do at the moment. That he didn’t keep her a secret from anyone other than Anders and that he didn’t think she was enough to be shown off to the world.

Rationally, she knew it wasn’t anything, that she should be able to just move past it. But irrationally, Summer felt like it was still too good to be true.

Besides, they’d never actually said anything other than that they liked each other. It wasn’t like they’d fallen for one another. 

Okay…maybe that’s not entirely true. Summer knew she’d started to, especially the more time they spent together, the more they’d slowly gotten to know one another. 

But they never said anything to each other, so…

She’d managed to steer clear of him so far throughout the wedding, avoiding his gaze and purposely putting herself on the opposite side of the room. Right now, she was at the bar, waiting for the bartender to make her a margarita and watching where Sabrina and Anders were greeting their guests.

It was only when she realized after a moment that she didn’t see Mat anywhere that she had a feeling avoiding him wouldn’t be possible much longer.

“Do you think there’s more legs in the world? Or eyes?”

Despite the fact that she’d been expecting him, the absurd yet intriguing question has Summer turning her head to the right, and Mat stands there with a lopsided smile that spells mischief. 

Her heart collides into her ribcage in a painful throb. It’s been almost a month since she’s seen Mathew last. He looks just as good, is everything she remembers and desperately tries to forget in the same breath.

Before she can help herself, the corner of her mouth quirks up in a small smile, and she leans against the bar a little, shaking her head. “Is that the best you’ve got?”

He shrugs, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Got your attention, didn’t I?”

She wants to roll her eyes, but refrains, turning her attention back to the bar, grabbing her drink from the bartender with a polite “thank you,” and dropping a five dollar bill in the tip jar next to her elbow. 

As she starts to walk away, Summer can feel Mat fall into step with her, and even though she doesn't want for it to happen, her body stiffens, unease seeping into her bones at his proximity.

“I didn’t know if you’d show up to the reception or not.” He confesses, the charm slipping away from his tone.

She shrugs, nonchalant. “It’s my older sister’s wedding. Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d do it to avoid me. Or if you finally decided that you hated me.”

His confession almost makes her falter in her steps. Almost.

“That’s a bit dramatic, considering I remember that I told you that I never hated you in the first place.” She practically bites out, quickening her steps a little.

“Could’ve fooled me. I mean I never saw you after you kicked me out.”

“I’ve been right here.”

“It felt like you were on another planet.”

This time she does stop in her tracks, turning to face him. “What do you expect me to say, Mat? I’m not exactly happy about what happened. I know you apologized, and I get it, I just…I need time to come to terms with it, okay?”

Summer can see Sabrina approaching over his shoulder, and she shakes her head slightly, letting Sabrina know that she can handle this. Thankfully, she nods, and moves to make conversation with another table of her guests. 

Mat looks at Summer then, swallowing a lump in his throat. “Tell me what I can do to help then. What do I have to do to make this right? Tell me how to fix this.”

She shakes her head, taking a step back. “You can’t,” she says, already retreating. “You just can’t.”

His eyes burn into her back as she leaves, and heads back to her seat. She’s determined to stay out of Mat’s way and keep her eyes away from his for the rest of the night, no matter how much her heart twists in her chest.

~

Mat stuffs one hand in the pocket of his hoodie, the other one clutching the bouquet of roses as he crosses the street, approaching Summer’s building for the first time since she kicked him out.

He felt like a bit of a stalker, showing up to her place unannounced again, but he felt like he didn’t know what else to do. 

He’d tried asking Anders for advice, and the only thing his captain did was remind Mat that he and Sabrina were leaving on their mini honeymoon, and to take care of it before they got back.

So…this was him fixing it himself. Or trying to anyway. 

It takes him an embarrassing amount of time to actually work up the courage to press the call button to her apartment building. This time, when he presses it, instead of Summer letting him up immediately, there’s a small pause, before her soft voice comes through the speaker.

“Mat?”

He pauses, waving awkwardly at the little camera. “Hi.”

Another pause, then he hears Summer sigh. “You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”

“Probably not, no.” Mat answers honestly, running a hand through his hair. 

There’s silence, and then the building door buzzes and Mat pauses for a second too long before heading through it, and up to Summer’s apartment. 

He only manages to knock once before the door flies open and reveals Summer standing there in jeans, a white tank top, and a black cardigan over it, her feet in fuzzy socks and even fuzzier house slippers. 

Still, she looks so fucking beautiful.

Summer has a look on her face that he can’t read, and that in itself scares the shit out of him. He’s experienced every single one of Summer’s emotions, been the target of a few of them too many times to count, but this one is…

Different.

“For you,” he forces himself to say, handing the roses out to her. “As an apology. Or, the start to one.”

Summer eyes the roses, and for a split second Mat thinks he can see the corner of her mouth quirk up in a little smile, but then it’s gone. She takes the roses from him hesitantly, cradling them in her arms and staring at them for a second.

Mat hovers in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

Summer clears her throat, deciding for the both of them. “Are you just going to loiter in my hallway, thirteen? Or do you want to come in?” 

The urge he used to instinctively have to roll his eyes is gone, and instead all he can do is nod, crossing over the threshold when she steps aside to let him in. 

He toes off his shoes by the door, following her inside. He waits while she puts the roses in a vase, looking at the art on her walls.

When she comes back, they sit on the couch, and Mat takes a small breath.

“Maybe I should go first this time,” Summer says suddenly. He nods, waiting patiently, and she sighs. 

“I want to start off by saying that I do forgive you, and that I do understand where you and Anders were coming from, no matter how ridiculous. I think the thing that's kept me upset is that I couldn't tell for myself whether or not you kept me a secret for you, or for Anders.”

“It was for Anders,” he swears. “I would never keep you a secret, Summer. I swear.”

“Okay,” she nods, accepting his answer. “Then with that being said, I don’t want to completely put you on the spot, but what exactly is this?”

“This?” Mat asks, confused.

“You and I,” Summer says. “What are we? Because I’m going to be honest, I’m not really sure.”

“Well, I would like to say you’re my girlfriend, but we didn’t really establish that.” He hesitates, gauging her reaction. “Would you…would you agree that we were dating?”

Summer nods. “Yeah, I thought we were. I thought you were my boyfriend.”

Mat really doesn’t like the past tense she’s using, but ignores it. “Is there anything that's stopping you from thinking that I still am?”

“I just don't know that I'm clear on how you feel, and I would prefer we lay our cards out on the table now.”

“Okay,” he says, turning his body towards her. “That first day that we met, I’d spotted you before I even realized who you were. You came inside with Sabrina, and I could see you from where I was in the kitchen. I was staring at you when you met me, admittedly for probably a long time, because from that very first second, I thought you were beautiful, and I wanted to get to know you.”

Mat can see Summer’s surprised by his admission, but he continues. “I’ve always liked you, and I’ve always been interested, but I was under the impression that you didn't like me, so I just followed your lead. I was jealous of your ex, I was jealous of that random dude from the club, and it was because this whole time I felt like I'd ruined my chances before I even had one. When you were finally single, and we slept together for the first time, it felt like I finally did have that chance, but then Anders stepped in and…well you know the rest.” 

Summer’s quiet for a second, observing him, and then she nods. “I knew who you were when we met, it was kind of hard not to. I thought you were cute and I was excited to meet you, but then when I caught you staring, I got insecure. I thought you were judging me, and that's why I shut you out and didn't let you in at first.” 

Mat’s heart shatters in his chest. 

How could you not see I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen? He wants to ask her, How could you not see you had me in the palm of your hands that very first day?

“I thought that there was no way that you would be interested in someone like me, so I put up a wall and thought it would be better to keep you at a distance. I didn't really intend for us to bicker for as long as we did.” Summer admits.

She takes a deep breath, fiddling with her own hands. “When I was with my ex, I was genuinely with him, and then when I wasn't, and you and I slept together, I was genuinely into you. I had a feeling that it might be complicated between you and Anders, and when you suggested not telling him anything at first, I understood, and I still understand, but I'm still having a hard time in my head trying to convince myself that you weren't trying to be malicious.” 

Mat moves to reassure her, but the soft smile she gives him stops him. “I know that you weren't, but like I said, that's for me to convince myself of and not you.”

“So…not that I have selective hearing, I’m just trying to get this right. Do you have feelings for me?” Summer laughs softly at his question, but nods, so he continues. “And I have feelings for you. And you forgive me for what happened?” 

Summer nods again, “I do.”

“Okay…then…” Mat trails off, unsure of how this is supposed to go. 

“Then?”

“Are we…okay?” He asks.

“We’re okay,” Summer says, nodding. There’s a moment where Mat’s relieved, where he feels like he can breathe again, but then she says “But I don’t know if we should get back together. Or…get together, however you want to put it.”

Mat’s heart thumps hard in his chest. “What?” 

“Not today. Not right now.” She says, a small shake in her head. “I think…don't you think we need to take a step back?” 

“What about a step at a time?” He offers. 

Summer blinks. “What?”

“You said we shouldn’t get back together today, and I can see your point. Not today. But maybe…maybe we can just take this a day at a time?”

“Mat…” Summer hesitates, completely unsure. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to know. Not right now. That’s why we can take it a day at a time.”

She eyes him quietly, a million emotions flitting across her face as the seconds pass between the two of them. “What would you even do? Where would we even start?”

“Coffee.” Mat says immediately. “Just coffee. Nothing more, nothing less. Just let me buy you a coffee.”

Summer’s quiet, and for a second, Mat worries she’s going to say no, but then her shoulders relax, and she nods. “Okay, coffee sounds good.”

~

Three Months Later

“You just wanted me close to a knife when it was in your hand, didn’t you?”

Summer shakes her head with a small laugh, turning the knife around in her hand so she holds the blade between her fingers, placing the handle in Mat’s hand. He takes it, but the hesitancy is still in his gaze, so she idles up beside him, bumping his hip a little before focusing on the kitchen counter.

Mat had admitted that he hadn’t tried Filipino food before when Summer and Sabrina had gone to visit their parents in New Jersey, so she’d offered to cook for him only on the condition he helped out.

Their father, Sonny, had come from the Philippines as a child with their grandparents. Their mother, Shauna, who’d grown up in the Bronx, lost her parents by the time she’d married their dad, and so the girls had mostly grown up with the Maldonado family.

Their grandmother, Soledad - the “S” naming tradition in the family ran deep - had taught the girls how to cook staple dishes when they were young, so Summer could make this in her sleep.

She’d already gone through the meticulous and thorough process of showing Mat how to wash rice and correctly measure for the correct amount of water, and that was currently bubbling away in the rice cooker on her kitchen counter. 

Now, she was going to walk him through making the marinade for probably the easiest dish to introduce Mat to when it came to Filipino cuisine - chicken adobo.

“Okay, so I’m going to cut up the onion, but I need you to mince the garlic. We have eight cloves here, and you’re going to take a piece of garlic and put it under your blade,” she instructs, grabbing one of the extra cloves of garlic she’d put aside for practice, and moving it to her board. She places her blade right on top and waits until Mat’s done the same.

“Good, now don’t hesitate, just bring the meat of your fist, pinky side down, onto the back side of the blade, and smash the clove. Just be sure you’re holding the handle of the knife firmly, like this,” Summer says, then brings her hand down, listening to the blade and the satisfying crunch of the garlic clove beneath it.

Mat follows suit on his own clove, and of course, because he’s apparently good at everything, gets it right on the first try. He smiles shyly anyway, waiting for her confirmation, to which she smiles, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Perfect.”

Mat beams at the praise. “Really?”

“Yeah, so just do that to the other seven, and it’ll be easier to chop those up. Think you can handle it?”

He nods, reaching for another clove, and Summer tosses him the one on her board before grabbing the onion. 

They work in a silent tandem, and Summer chances a look at him to find his tongue peeking out from between his lips in concentration.

It makes her heart twinge with something she isn’t totally ready to come to terms with.

They’d been doing this…thing…taking it a day at a time, for the last few months. Mat had taken her out on countless dates, focusing on romancing her the way he would have had they not gotten off on the wrong foot. There had been some sex, not a lot, but whenever they did have sex, it was always intense, and Mat always made a point to reassure Summer every chance he got, in bed and out of it, that he thought she was beautiful, kind, and everything he ever wanted.

Outside of that, Mat had taken her to meet his parents and his sister, and even joined her on her bi-weekly Saturday visits to Anders and Sabrina’s home for family dinners. The captain and his winger were still working on repairing that whole mess, but it was getting better, for the most part. 

And now he was here. In her kitchen. Learning how to make her Lola’s chicken adobo. 

When she finished with the onion, she tossed everything into a pan with a little vegetable oil, placed it on the stove and fired up the burner. She grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, then brought it over to Mat for him to dump in his minced garlic. 

“Pretty good there, thirteen.” She says before guiding him to the sink to wash and dry their hands. 

“Okay, now what do I do?” 

Summer smiles, pointing at the ingredients next to the stove. There’s shoyu, vinegar, brown sugar, black pepper, chicken stock, peppercorns, and bay leaves. “I need you to measure out the ingredients on the card by the bottles and put them in that little bowl next to it.”

“What? I’m on measuring duty?” He asks, wrinkling his nose with a frown.

Summer leans up and kisses his nose before backing away. “It’s because you’re meticulous, so I trust you.”

He blinks after her kiss, then nods, heading over to his new station with a little more pep in his step.

Summer stirs the onions around since they’ve already started to cook, then grabs the minced garlic and tosses it in before heading to the fridge. 

Her Lola’s recipe is usually meant as dinner for two, so she had six pieces of chicken thighs rinsed and pat dry set aside specifically for dinner tonight. Bringing the plate out of the fridge and over to the pan, she grabs a pair of tongs and places each piece skin side down once the onions and garlic get fragrant, allowing them to brown a bit. 

She double checks on Mat’s progress, only to find him already done, marinade measuring and poured in the bowl, and his eyes on Summer, watching her with a cheshire smile.

“Look at you,” she muses, going easily to him when he opens his arms, wrapping her own around his waist. “Hope you’re not too attached to your diet.” She teases. 

Mat scoffs. “As if.”

“You’re right,” Summer agrees, running her hands under his shirt and caressing the hard muscle of his abdomen. “You don’t really need it.”

She feels him flex under her fingers and she laughs, looking up to find him smirking down at her, the heat in his eyes evident. “Well I kinda need it, gotta stay in shape to keep up with you at night.”

As if to remind her, her body’s muscles choose that moment to remind her of their ache, and Summer flushes, pushing away from Mat to head back to her place on the stove. 

“Well,” she begins, flipping the chicken over. “I appreciate your dedication. Can you bring over the marinade?”

He nods, grabbing the bowl and carefully idling up beside her. 

“Okay, now you’re just gonna pour it over everything, but make sure you cover each piece of chicken when you go.” She watches as Mat follows her instruction, and once he’s done, she shakes the pan a little, lowers the temperature a smidge, then covers it with a lid.

“Now what?” He asks, looking around. She’d already washed and set the rice to cook in the rice cooker on her counter, but he didn’t see any additional food lying around.

“Well, we have to let it cook for about fifteen minutes, and then we add the finishing touches, and then we eat!”

She ushers him back toward the stove to wash their hands again. It was something she’d learned as a kid, washing her hands after every step in cooking, and she hoped Mat didn’t think it was weird or strange.

He didn’t seem to mind though, going easily along and washing and drying his hands beside her without complaint.

“So…we have fifteen minutes to ourselves?” He asks, setting up a timer on his phone. 

Summer raises a brow at him in suspicion. “Yes…why?”

Mat smirks, leaning with his hip against the sink when he reaches for Summer. “Cause I’ve been thinking about eating your pussy since this morning. Can I?”

He takes her in his arms before she can answer, and then he’s kissing her neck, hands wrapping around her waist and down to her ass, palming the flesh in his hands. She moans a little when his teeth nip at her neck, and she has to push him away to be able to back up and out of his space. “Mat, we shouldn’t, we-”

“Please baby,” he pleads, taking a step and crowding her back against the counter. “Just this once?” She feels his hands creep at the hem of her dress - the easiest thing to wear around him, especially when they tend to have moments like this - his fingers bunching it up to her stomach when he drops to his knees. 

Summer finds herself automatically grabbing the material between her fingers, nodding her head and lifting her hips away from the counter for Mat to pull her underwear down her legs. She doesn’t miss the smile that crosses his face when he runs the lace through his fingers, and stuffs the fabric in the pocket of his jeans.

“Jump up on the counter, baby.” He says, waiting for Summer to settle onto the counter before pulling her forward, her butt resting on the edge of the counter. Mat grabs one of her barstools from the other side and places it right in front of her before taking a seat, pressing “start” on the timer on his phone.

He feels like he could drool a little at the sight of her open and bare for him, the prettiest shade of pink shining at him like a neon sign saying “just for you.”

Not another second passes before he’s burying his face into her pussy, Summer letting out a blissful and content sigh as her body relaxes and Mat settles her feet on his shoulders, gently circling his hand around her ankles and encouraging her to wrap her legs around his head, to pull him in closer.

She doesn’t, not right away, anyway, too wrapped up in the feeling of Mat’s tongue. He squeezes her ankle once, trying to get her attention, and all Summer can manage is to loll her head to the side to peek at him. He rises up a little, speaking against her skin, not wanting to be too far from her.

“Wrap those beautiful legs around my head, baby.”

All she can manage is a nod, and Mat returns to his task, moaning when her warm thighs touch either side of his face, his shoulders under her knees and her beautiful calves resting on his back. He can feel when she locks her ankles behind him and he settles in closer, relaxing against her as his mouth continues to devour her pussy, her arousal dripping down his chin.

He feels her nails scratch against his scalp when her hands dive into his hair, fingers gripping his curls and lightly tugging. Mat knows those tugs by heart now, which one means to keep going, which ones mean to ease up, which ones mean she’s loving it and not to stop or she’ll kill him.

“Mat,” she whimpers, her thighs squeezing his head and he nods, bringing his hands up to squeeze her breasts, loving when her hands cover his, holding onto him. 

He says nothing, just focuses on keeping his pace and the way Summer’s body reacts to his mouth, beginning to feel her start to shake under him as she gets closer and closer to her orgasm.

Right when Mat thinks she’s going to grip his hair tighter, letting him know that she’s about to come, she suddenly sits up, pushing him back gently.

“Baby?” He asks, confused.

“Get up,” she says, and he’s up and off the stool in a second, approaching her carefully. He’s only a little surprised when she reaches for the waistband of his jeans, making quick work of the button and the zipper. By the time Mat’s brain catches up to him and finally understands what Summer wants, she’s got her hands in the waistband of his briefs, pulling them down while Mat’s cock springs free.

He watches as her pupils blow out wide, and smirks a little. Gently, he places a finger under her chin, coaxing her gaze back to his face. He kisses her a couple of times while crowding into her space, resting his cock against her soaked pussy while she chases the taste of herself on his tongue. 

Mat grips her waist, pulling her a little further to the edge of the counter, gently moving his hips. 

“Needy girl,” he playfully chastises. “Won’t even let me finish eating that pretty pussy because you’re so desperate for cock.” 

Her eyes flash up at him, her playful spitfire in her eyes at his dirty talk. Mat’s found out that this is the kind of push and pull she prefers most, when he teases her or says dirty things and she can fight him back on it in a way that doesn’t cost them both. 

Mat can see that she wants to talk back, but she bites her lip to refrain herself. 

“Use your words pretty girl,” he says, grinding his cock against her. “Ask me nicely.”

“Please give me your cock,” Summer replies obediently. “I need it.”

Mat smiles, murmuring a soft “Good girl,” then he’s moving his hips back until the tip of his cock catches at her entrance and pushes in slowly, watching Summer’s face the whole time.

He loves this part, loves watching the way her whole body relaxes, watching the way her eyes flutter shut and her beautiful mouth parts just a little as her body welcomes him. He leans forward, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss as he bottoms out, waiting for her to adjust to him.

He’s learned he loves that part, too - how no matter how many times they’ve done this so far, she always seems to need a minute to adjust to him. But whenever she did, she took him so well that they could go at it over and over again till their muscles were sore.

While he waits for her to adjust, he takes a quick glance over at her stove, then at his phone, checking the time. Nothing’s burning, but he’s still only got about five or so minutes left.

Mat turns back to her, bending his head and burying his face into Summer’s neck, leaving filthy open mouthed kisses, speaking in between. 

“Are you okay if we make this quick? Since we are cooking and all.”

That seems to bring her back to reality just a little, because he can feel her nod, and then she’s locking her ankles behind his back again, pulling him in closer - her usual sign that she’s ready for whatever Mat gives her.

He carefully pulls back before pushing back in, setting a pace he knows is enough to bring Summer to orgasm in no time. Summer lays back on the counter, and Mat’s hands immediately go to her breasts, cupping them through the material before yanking it down, smirking to himself when he finds she’s not wearing a bra.

Mat leans down, sucking a nipple into his mouth and drawing a soft whine from Summer’s lips. A whine that tells him that she’s definitely going to come in no time if he keeps it up.

He laps at her skin with his tongue, sucking at her skin as his hips piston in and out of her, moaning when he feels her squeeze down on him as her breath catches in her throat. Her back bends and he keeps his pace, his own orgasm quickly approaching as Summer comes around him, squeezing his cock in a vice grip and wrapping her legs tighter around his waist. 

He comes a few seconds later, buried deep inside and his mouth still latched to her, tongue soothing over the now bruised skin. 

His favorite part is this, the moment right after they fuck - how she seems so content to just lay there with him and let him hold her, let him stay inside her till he’s either ready to go again or ready to help clean her up or drag them both to the shower.

They catch their breath for a moment, Mat just staring down at her, admiring her beautiful curves, her full breasts, the curve of her belly. He traces his hands down her stomach, gently caressing her skin, rubbing at where he’s still buried inside her.

Her breath catches in her throat at the same time the timer goes off on his phone, and they both jump, Mat slipping out of her suddenly, and they both hiss at the loss.

“Well,” Summer says through a small sigh, “Looks like lunch is ready.”

Mat frowns. “But I already ate?”

Summer blinks at him, and when he smirks playfully, wagging his eyebrows, she rolls her eyes, slowly sitting up. “Funny, thirteen.”

He leans in for a kiss, and she softens, going lax in his embrace. Between kisses, Mat can feel his heart hammering in his rib cage, and he murmurs “I love you, Summer,” before he can stop himself.

She pauses for a second, lips frozen against his, and he backs up, gauging her reaction. She’s shocked, that much is obvious, and Mat can see the hesitation, so he leans in, kisses the tip of her nose, then her cheeks.

“You don’t have to say it back,” he says, “I can wait as long as you need me to. I just wanted to make sure I laid all my cards out on the table.”

She leans back, looking into his eyes. Mat knows what she’s looking for, knows she’s trying to make sure he’s being genuine, but he’s pretty sure he’s got hearts in his eyes, so she’s probably going to find what she’s looking for pretty quick.

“Mat…” She says, his name soft and syrupy on her lips.

“I love you,” he repeats again, leaning in to kiss her again. “And you can tell me when you’re ready.”

He pulls away, heading toward the stove to finish up, but Summer takes him by surprise, pulling him back to her and kissing him like her life depends on it, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him close.

“I’m ready,” she says between kisses. “I love you.”

[autistic-cat-with-a-book]

I was prompted to make this for @permanently-stressed (I had fun, thanks for the suggestion!)

It's called Too Far to Reach =) enjoy!

Jolie knocked on Brant’s door, noting the singular light shining through the bedroom window. “Brant? Are you home?”

The door opened a moment later and his handsome face peered out. He smiled when he saw her. “Jolie? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at Foxfire?”

“I snuck out to see you!” Jolie said joyfully. 

Jolie remembered she still had her Black Swan monocle pendant on as soon as he reached to touch it. “This is new,” he said– and was that…suspicion in his voice?

“Oh!” Jolie laughed, but internally she was scrambling to come up with a lie. The Black Swan was an illegal rebellion. Probably best that Brant didn’t know she was a member. “My friend found it in Atlantis and gave it to me.”

“I see….”

“So, um, do you want to eat some dinner?” she asked.

“Sure, love. But can we talk first?” Jolie nodded as Brant led her inside. His singular couch stood alone in the living room, but there was a glorious view of the ocean through the floor-to-ceiling windows. They sat, and he turned to face her. 

“I need to tell you something. Have you ever heard of the Neverseen?”

Jolie's breath quickened. She was undercover in the Neverseen, posing as a member while reporting back to the Black Swan. This couldn’t end well.

“No, never. What is it?” She lied.

Brant narrowed his eyes. “I think you have…”

“Okay, fine. They’ve reached out to me before, I think. I keep hearing voices in the shadows. It sounds like they were trying to recruit me,” she widened her eyes, feigning innocence. 

“Oh, they’ve more than reached out to you.” His voice hid an angry undertone, and Jolie squirmed in her seat. “You’ve done things for u–them.” Jolie noticed his slip. Had Brant been about to say…us?

“How do you know that?” she whispered, nervously snapping her fingers and making a small plate of butterblasts appear and disappear. 

“But that would mean…” Brant muttered to himself. “That would mean you’re not a real member!” He lunged, grabbing her monocle pendant as she screamed. Brant loved her, surely he wouldn’t hurt her, surely… What was happening???

A small ball of fire was hovering over his hand, and he was melting her pendant in it. “You’ve been in the Black Swan all along,” he spat. 

Brant was a pyrokinetic???

That explained the sparse furniture. He probably didn’t want to burn his house down every time he lost control.

“So you’ve been in the Black Swan, doing everything we told you to do in the dark because you wanted to infiltrate us?” Brant yelled.

“No, I–Did you just say, ‘us’?”

Brant covered his mouth and laughed darkly. “Well, I suppose there’s no reason to keep it a secret now.”

Jolie’s mind flashed through all of the horrible things the Neverseen handmade her do, all the nights meeting in secret, and the whispers… “That was you, in the tower? Telling me to join?”

“It was me, yes. And a few…others.”

“Why?” Her voice was quiet. Scared.

“Because our world isn’t perfect! Look at me, labeled Talentless when I can do this.” He muttered a few strange words and a glowing ball of neon-yellow flames burned through the stone ceiling, leaving a gaping hole with smoke rising from the edges. Jolie gasped. “This is power. This is a valuable ability.”

“Can’t you just go to the council with your concerns?” Jolie pleaded. Tiny flames were circling the ceiling now, licking at the edges and creeping closer. 

“The council won’t do anything. They never will. That’s why Fintan created the Neverseen.”

“Fintan?” The ancient elf who’d been one of the first councilors to exist made the organization that burned down human buildings for fun?

The flames were getting larger now. More determined. Brant didn’t seem to notice, still staring at his hovering yellow fire. 

“I can’t believe you’ve been a part of the Black Swan. The puny rebellion, destined to fail.” Brant scoffed as the flames slowly ate at the walls.

“And you’ve been spying on us…reporting our plans…telling them all of our secrets. What a good liar you are.” 

 Jolie didn’t think that was a compliment. 

Then Brant seemed to notice what was going on around him. In a panic, he dropped his ball of fire, which immediately sprang up, devouring the couch in its eagerness. Brant sprinted to the door, not looking back. Jolie was left behind, and now…she was trapped. 

Fire everywhere else she looked. It was getting very smokey, and her eyes were burning, her throat aching, someone please help, I’m trapped, please, “get me out!”

She didn’t realize that she’d said that out loud. She couldn’t think, could barely breathe. Her head was getting very foggy, and she collapsed to the ground, screaming as the fire whispered across her skin. She was on fire. 

She tried to push herself up, but her arms felt strangely detached. Jolie gasped for air, choking on the smoke. The flames had consumed almost the entire interior of the house.

She heard a distant pounding on the door, but her eyes were fluttering closed. Jolie felt strong arms picking her up, running, the door slammed behind them, she was lying on the dry grass, the stars were so high above her–

“Jolie. Stay with me. I love you... Please…. Please, you have to stay here, be with me, you can’t leave me…” that was Brant. So he did still care about her.

Her chest ached and her head was pounding. Her arms felt scorched.

The pain was only a distant feeling.

Everything seemed so very far away.

Too

far

to

reach

back.

and, since past experience proves that Tumblr hates formatting, here is a screenshot in case that last sentence didn't work correctly:

cool, right?

[evansbby]

Wicked games was AMAZING!!!

So first I’m more team ari than Steve because I truly think that Steve doesn’t love her he only wants to hurt her (I’m going to explain how and why ) but ari even though he’s horrible by making her his side piece and he’s also horrible to Sharon (everyone is honestly my poor girl doesn’t deserve it ) I feel like he really loves her .

And Wanda is not a good friend obvi 😂 but I also feel like reader isn’t , their relationship doesn’t seem genuine .

my take on this :

so the reason that Steve mood shifted during the date is related to the reason that Steve and ari hate each other :basically Steve sister went to ari and readers college and she dropped out because SOMEONE pushed her to and I’m like 100% sure that someone is ari he probably bullied her and broke her heart maybe by taking advantage of her and this is the reason she’s scared of people and that Steve hates ari …. And basically Steve decide to revenge his sister by hurting reader and making her sleep with him because he knows ari loves her and care about her , his mood shifted because at the beginning he was sweet with reader bc it’s easier to make her fall into the trap but when he saw his sister and started telling the story he got reminded of how horrible she got mistreated but also of his plan , like he got reminded that the reason reader is here is to venge his sister , and so he was even more angry when he resumed things with reader and “motivated” to achieve his plan .

Thank you for this amazing review bestie 🥹🥹 and I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer! But I really appreciate you taking the time out to write this!🩷🩷🙌🏼

So firstly omg! You’re the first person who’s said reader isn’t really a great friend to Wanda either and this is lowkey KIND OF true! That’s the vibe I wanted to give of in WG 2, like reader isn’t a bad friend towards Wanda but she’s not amazing either! I kinda dropped this in WG 3 though! Bc Wanda is way worse! Reader is kinda more-so just neutral towards Wanda. They haven’t been friends for that long though so I guess maybe that’s why?

Also I cannot confirm or deny your theory but… lemme just kiss your mind real quick 🥹🥹🥹🥹

All I’ll say is, Steve is a complicated character… he may or may not have had a “plan” (again, can’t confirm or deny hehe) but that doesn’t mean he did or didn’t develop genuine feelings along the way! (Again, can’t confirm or deny)

ANYWAYS THANK UOU SM BESTIEEEE🩷🩷🩷

[bunnyscar]

The Siliven's Request: Part 9

Manas pushed Alaine into the bedroom and quickly shut the door. With a sigh of relief, Alaine collapsed onto the bed. That had been close, too close. She sat up and looked around. They had not been able to come up to the room they had booked, but apparently a maid had been in here already and started a fire for them. It crackled pleasantly in the fireplace, throwing warm light across the walls and casting long shadows from a chair and table that stood next to the fireplace. To one side, a door led out onto a balcony. Manas paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, his eyes still burning with hate and anger. He muttered to himself, “I should have killed him too.”

“Manas,” Alaine said hesitantly, “I made that Siliven forgot me, so we should be fine.”

He turned angrily to her. “Do you really think that will stop him? He can just as easily find out again that you’re traveling with me, and then he’ll try to kill you. You should have let me deal with him.”

“But, why does he want to kill me?” Alaine asked desperately.

“Probably just to spite me,” Manas spat. He clenched his hands. “Is that their plan? Keep me alive so they can torture me by taking away everything precious to me?” he muttered. He turned suddenly to the door, making as if to go out. Alaine quickly stepped in front of it.

“Let me through, Sara. I’m going to make sure Ven won’t bother us anymore,” Manas growled.

Alaine, however, didn’t move. “No, I’m not going to let you murder someone. Besides, isn’t he your brother? You can't kill your brother!” she exclaimed.

“And why would you care if I murder? You don’t know anything about me, what if I’m already a murderer?” Manas replied furiously, reaching out his hand to push Alaine away.

“I do know, I know you killed your father,” Alaine said quickly. Manas paused. “I saw it. That night when you un-poisoned the village, I saw a memory of you being exiled. You must have been dreaming it, and it somehow entered my dream as well,” Alaine explained. “Why Manas? Why did you kill him?”

Manas stared at her for a moment, then turned and walked back slowly to the fire. “Anger. Rage. I killed because I was angry. Satisfied?” he replied bitterly.

Alaine frowned. “No. Why were you so angry? What’s really driving you?” she pursued, knowing that she was probably going too far, yet not caring. She was done with all these secrets, all the hiding.

Manas turned on her, his blue and white eyes burning with anger and pain. “I’m a Siliven, Sara. I kill and murder and cheat because that’s what Silivens do,” he snapped. 

Glaring back at him, Alaine retorted, “Really? Maybe you did do something horrible before. Maybe there’s even more awful things you’ve done that I don’t know about. But just because you did those things in the past doesn’t mean you have to do them now!”

Manas opened his mouth to protest, but Alaine continued, “I refuse to believe that you can’t change. To me, it seems like you’re already changing, otherwise why would you have healed all those people in the village? Sure, you could do something about your attitude towards people, but if you really were a cold-hearted murderer you wouldn’t have offered to heal those villagers after un-poisoning the water. And I can’t see how a whole race would be doomed to be murderers and liars. Do you really believe that all your people are evil?”

Manas looked like he had been slapped in the face. His expression went from surprise, to anger, to confusion, to a deep sadness. He turned away again, staring at the fire.

Alaine stepped towards him. “Manas,” she said in a gentler tone, “you can change. You don’t have to be a liar and murderer just because others say you are or because you yourself think you’re one.” She held out her hand to him. “Why don’t we make a new deal? You continue to travel with me and teach me magic, and in return I’ll help you change.”

Manas stared at her outstretched hand for long moment. “I….don’t even know how to change,” Manas said softly.

“Well, I think the first step would be to start trusting each other more and stop keeping secrets. Then you have to learn to care about other people. Not just doing good to others, but show you care in your words and attitude,” Alaine said. Seeing Manas still hesitating, she reassured him, “Come on, it’s at least worth a try.”

“Why do you care?” Manas muttered. “Are you sure you want to trust me? What if I’ve done something horrible to your own people?”

Alaine took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s not like I approve of your people killing humans, or even you killing your own father. And if you really have killed humans…. It’s not going to be easy to trust you, no. But I think, even if you don’t realize it, you do want to do good. And if you really do, then I’m willing to forgive and help you.”

Manas stared at her. “You’re just like him. You’re too kind,” he murmured sorrowfully to himself. Finally, he shook her hand. “All right,” he said defeatedly. “But, my past isn’t pretty.”

Alaine shrugged. “Yeah, I was prepared for that,” she said. “So, shall we begin?”

With a nod, Manas sat down in the chair while Alaine perched on the end of the bed, facing the fire. “I guess I can go first. Not that there’s much that I haven’t told you,” Alaine remarked. “I grew up in a small village with my parents until I was ten. Then the war started, and I was sent to be with my uncle. My parents were supposed to join me, but they never did, and word came that my village had been destroyed. I stayed with my uncle and was basically his slave until you came.”

“I see. Your parents---they were kind to you, I suppose?” Manas asked.

Alaine nodded, smiling sadly as she remembered them. She could just vaguely remember their faces, the sound of their voices, and their loving hugs and kisses. “Yes, they were the best parents I could’ve asked for. They’re the ones who taught me that I need to forgive others, that even if a person does something bad, he can always change,” she replied wistfully.

“They sound like wonderful parents,” Manas said softly.

 Hesitantly, Alaine spoke, “Manas, I should let you know, Sara isn’t my real name. When I first met you, I was afraid you might know the Name Calling Art, so I gave you a false name. It’s really--”

“Sara, you don’t need to tell me your real name,” Manas interrupted. Alaine opened her mouth to protest, but Manas continued before she could speak, “I know you said we should not keep things from each other anymore, but that’s one secret you don’t have to share, for the sake of your own protection. Beautiful young women like you are often targets for Name Callers with wicked intent, and with your magic ability, you’d be an even bigger target.”

Alaine blushed slightly at being called beautiful, but argued, “But why not tell you? You’re not going to use it against me.”

“No, but that way if someone should use the Name Calling Art on me to find out your name, there would be no way for them to find it out,” Manas said.

“Do you really think there’s going to be someone who’s going to use it on us?” Alaine asked with eyebrow raised. 

“Perhaps, perhaps not. But it doesn’t hurt to be cautious, considering you were targeted by Ven a moment ago,” Manas replied. “I would advise not telling anyone else about your magic ability either. It’s more desirable than you think, Sara.”

Alaine sighed. “All right, all right, I won’t tell anyone,” she agreed begrudgingly. After a small pause, she said, “So, I guess it’s your turn now. Will you tell me why you killed your father?”

Manas tensed slightly. “Yes,” he said slowly, not looking at her, “but wouldn’t it be easier if you looked at my memories, instead of me telling you?”

“Wouldn’t it be better for you to tell me, though?” Alaine retorted. “I mean, it kind of feels like cheating for me just to look into your memories, and I’m not even sure how to do that, besides having you remember it all anyway.”

“It’s...not easy for me to talk about the past,” Manas said haltingly, his brow furrowing anxiously.

“Well, all right,” Alaine gave in, seeing how uneasy Manas had become. She was not used to him looking so vulnerable and worried. Closing her eyes, she concentrated and tried to remember how it had felt when she had seen his memory in that dream. Taking a deep breath, she murmured, “Manas’ memories, show me what happened.”

Link to Part 8:

[sophieswundergarten]

Live Reaction of Sophie Being Utterly WRECKED by Chapter 13 of S.O.S.

@nobody33333333. I have no apologies or disclaimers. You Know What You Did.

OOOOHHHHHHHH. You have NO IDEA how ecstatic I am at reading this!! Going to have a hard time containing myself :D 

Already, Garrison is locked on to the psychic aspect of the situation. Makes you wonder what that tunnel vision is blocking from her?

Oh no. Ah, she thinks it’s Kate!! This is horrible.

Interesting that she still doesn’t want to brainsweep her, even though she’s scared.

NO. NO IT WASN’T A GOOD REASON. IT’S KATE!!!!!!

Man, just jumping straight into the deep end with all of the Garrison angst. I love you, Bods, but goodness gracious

I love that Jackson is just screaming at the top of his lungs like a maniac and then immediately drops to (attempting to be) professional when Curtain answers. Love me some Muppet Twins.

Also, side note, I adore how you’ve set it up so they all are guessing, and the suspicion mostly lands on Kate and Reynie. It’s so clever!!! Because everyone is working with different pieces of information, and so they’re making the wrong assumptions. It’s like that one fable with the blind men and the elephant.

NICHOLAS. Even if Milligan had been hurt by the Sender, That Doesn’t Mean You Are At Fault.

(You should know you’re a good author when I spend a good 64% of my time yelling at the characters, because you are just so skilled at writing their thoughts/personalities)

And Miss Perumal’s back!!! Oh, the way you write her is such a wonderful balance of protector and mother, she’d be my favourite to read if it didn’t change every five seconds.

Jeffers!!!

Poor SQ. He’s so hurt and angry but he’s trying to handle it “maturely” and he’s so alone. I want to hug him :( 

And the depth you added!!! All the little details and nuances you include, like the stuff about SQ wanting to go to college and Curtain’s anxiety over the whole situation, culminate in such a glorious emotional payoff that gives insight to the character being complex people who pretty much all have a sympathetic side. You are a genius for keeping track of all of it, and the pacing is just masterful.

He lied!! I know it isn’t helping in this direct situation, but I’m so proud of him!! (As opposed to the fairly simple and unadulterated relief I felt when watching the show)

Oh, and then you flip it. I want to root for the kids, obviously, but when you follow up every victory with Curtain’s desperate panic as his carefully crafted world is crumbling down around him, how can I?

And he immediately channels it to “productive” anger. Oh, I am scared for the kids.

Milligan!!!

I love how you can put words to Milligan’s protectiveness without making it seem like he doesn’t care about the other children.

The fact that she immediately fixates on her bucket, instead of even thanking Milligan as I’d guess she normally would, has always stuck with me. Because it is the epitome of Kate’s relationship with her bucket: She needs to have it, it is where she derives comfort and safety, and it just drives me up a wall because it’s what she’s supposed to be getting from him, and what she probably would be feeling if she let herself stop and think about it. But she’s been on her own for so long that she can’t stop and let herself accept the help and reassurance from him. She needs to keep going.

And Milligan just supports her!! He doesn’t really understand the bucket specifically, but he loves her and so he’s willing to help her in whatever way she needs. And, the thing is, he kind of does understand, at least, better than she knows. The symbolism here is amazing, not least because it’s foreshadowing about their relationship. It’s like that one thing, “When you live through something incredibly hard and you survive, you become the person who would have saved you then” or something. Milligan is helping her in the way that he could have been helped, in being caught, in being saved from having to face the cliff and escape alone, and in helping her understand who she is.

It’s just… SO GOOD!!! You communicate it so well, and I keep rereading that bit over and over again because I love it. The emotion that is woven throughout is so intense, and so pure and lovely!! Agh, you have a very good gift with words, my friend.

And he offers to get her a new bucket!! And he tells her how much he loves her!! And how she’s always welcome. You’re going to make me cry :( 

The horrible, horrible, beautiful contrast of how much he wants Kate to be loved and valued, and how he keeps thinking about how crazy it is that someone “abandoned” her.

Wait. Wait, Milligan is being reminded of Curtain!!! Oh, Constance and her situation and Kate and it all makes him think of his friend. The element of abandonment again. I— I do not have the words for how I feel about this. But It Is A Lot.

OH. OH YOU THINK THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE A PARENT??? KATE??????

Ah, man, it’s heartbreaking that she is weirded out by having someone, specifically an adult, care if she fell off a cliff. That’s, like, The Lowest Bar

 I am once again feeling the Milk Urge to consume drywall!!!!!!

She’s so surprised!! She’s totally thrown off that they (and, again, Milligan specifically) would go to such lengths to keep them safe!!! What!!!

You Write The Wetheralls In Such A Way That Makes Me Want To Screech But Please Know That I Am Hugging You As Hard As I Possibly Can In My Mind

Ah, yes, The Blue Beret EventTM

Nicholas is so lost, and he’s just as hurt as Curtain, but he won’t allow himself to see it because he feels so guilty.

And he doesn’t trust himself!!! He is letting other people direct him, but that’s why everything is falling apart. They don’t know the full situation, that’s one of the lonely things about being a genius; you can’t always rely on just anyone, because they don’t see things the way you do. And then Miss Perumal says a new thing and throws him off again!!

Goodness, the way you write that little paragraph of his confusion and confliction is exquisite.

I like the bit about how Miss Perumal needs to go home to her mother! The wording, and Nicholas’ reflection on it really hits home that part of her personality!! (I think you added that, but, regardless, reading through it in your style gives a better perspective on both characters, and their relationship to one another!)

Ajasdhgjkasdghkjdsajk And he’s so worried about Miss Perumal’s family (EXHILARATED with how you had him automatically include Reynie), once again missing the point of how it affects him!!!

The Stenographer!!! I like him. Does he have a name? I feel like it should be… Martin. Or Tyler. Or maybe Raphael. I don’t know, but he’s neat. Sorry for my goofy little tangent, you just have this fantastic skill for making me emotional over side characters and background people, so I’m preparing myself, in case :) 

And the way you add in the “Squeak”s!! Ooh, I could feel the agitation and anxiety building in myself just from reading it, and of course, Curtain is going to be super sensitive to that, because he needs everything to be under his control and Just So.

Which leads him to make ridiculous demands of his poor stenographer.

Reynie!! He’s trying so hard to work around all of his worry and tell the truth, even if in little bits.

STOPMINDGAMINGTHECHILDLEDROPHTA

As much as I’d like to give Curtain credit for being a human polygraph machine as he seems to think he is, Reynie is just garbage at lying. So am I, kid, don’t worry about it. But it is funny how the scene can be interpreted either as Curtain being super good at his job and making Reynie nervous, or Reynie doing his best but just being stuck in a situation he isn’t suited for. THIS is what I keep saying about your writing: I sympathise equally with all the characters and am deeply invested in each and every one of them, regardless of if I even remembered they existed from the show.

THE STAR THING IS BACK

(Okay, I know that was from the show, but you keep building up to/creating this star motif and it is driving me bonkers I Love It)

Noooooo, he thinks it’s Nicholas trying to hurt him!!!!! Why must you tear me apart in this way

“Reynie Muldoon was intelligent. He was. Curtain could admit that. But he didn’t have Sticky’s gift” You are so good at balancing all of the characters, it’s insane. Mentioning the other kids when writing from a single one’s perspective or even from an adult’s is so cool, because it reinforces the concept of them being connected, and relying on each other. Oh, man, it’s just awesome to see!!!

Poor Jeffers, he’s just getting put in awkward positions even without his bumbling buffoonery.

NO. Ah, I forgot the Implications of Jackson, Jillson, and Martina being friends, no this is awful

AKJSFHJFKHDDSKJKJHDGSHKJDG BODS

I am going to. Just. Combust on the spot HOW DARE YOU

Okay. Okay I am going to RantTM now and you’re just going to have to DEAL for yanking my heart out by the strings and then stomping it into the ground

Y O U   C A N   S E E   T H E M   L O S I N G   I T.  

You can see, even in such a short bit, how Curtain’s brainwashing is creating a conflict with what they personally have come to believe. They feel betrayed and confused and scared, and the line “Dr. Curtain had always been there for them, and someone as smart and as generous as him would never lie”, but he would!!! AND HE DID!!!!!

And they love Martina, of course, but now that the floor has dropped out from under them they turn to each other, because that’s all they have left. Curtain isn’t going to comfort them, he’s not going to be a source of kindness and support, he’s too Busy And Important. But, they are still, without really thinking about it, going to rely on him even more, because now that Martina “betrayed” them, he’s the only person who has “been there for them” (And, again, we see the sort of mindset they have of being more of a single unit, because of how close they are. They don’t consider each other an outside human, but rather a vital component of themself)

And the fact that they don’t even realise the need to distance themselves from Martina and throw her under the bus is because Curtain is manipulating them and mistreating them!!! They feel like it’s a rational reaction, because of course the man they’ve spent their whole lives working to repay for the fantastic service of occasionally being polite to them is the good guy. When faced with their own facts and decisions, and years of Curtain’s lies, they don’t know where to turn!!!

“Jackson and Jillson lifted their heads and looked sadly at each other. Martina had tricked them into being her friends? Well, they supposed in light of this evidence, there couldn’t be any other explanation” HE’S DOING THE SAME THING HE DOES TO SQ!!!! WHAT!!! HOW CAN YOU BE SO CARELESS TO NOT EVEN GRANT THEM THE KINDNESS OF PRETENDING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR PAIN LIKE YOU DO WITH YOUR OWN SON. NO, YOU JUST DO THE BAD STUFF THAT’LL HURT THEM, BUT BOY WILL IT MAKE THEM COMPLIANT. PRESENTING YOURSELF AS THE ONLY SAFE OPTION DOESN’T MAKE IT LOYALTY

Okay. Going to try and calm down now. But Marie Curie’s Notebook, Bods, did you have to do that to me?

Madge Perspective!!

Constance and Madge rivalry is one of my favourite things to come out of this, and it is slightly making up for the gaping hole in my heart from the last passage

I appreciate that you gave her a reason for not giving the note to Reynie!! This actually makes a lot of sense and works so awesomely with the continuity :D 

AND SHE GOES TO TAKE SQ’S SANDWICH I LOVE HER

AND HE RECOGNISES HER THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Oh, and now it’s sad again. You’re giving me whiplash with all this, I swear…

Ah, no. I knew this had to happen but it doesn’t make it any less painful, especially to read through in your writing.

Somehow, the fact that “You’re not nice at all” was such a cutting remark for both of the boys speaks volumes about them.

The way you keep leveraging their age differences as something SQ is ashamed of!!! I’ve moved on from the drywall and am unscrewing and consuming my light bulbs. Just— AGH. I can’t think of the words to get this feeling across properly… SQ was being vulnerable, and opening himself up to someone who could really understand him, and now he’s being made to feel ashamed over it for things that are not his fault!! WHAT???

And Reynie is trying so incredibly hard!!!! Oh, this was one of my absolute least favourite parts of the show, it just hurts so much and it reminds me of that bit in the books when SQ tells Sticky that the best thing to do was “not to have cheated in the past”. The best thing would be if they could have somehow avoided this situation, because of how it hurt both of them :( 

Nice detail about SQ’s tutors!!

Oh, but the poor boy’s so hurt. AND IT WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THIS BAD IF CURTAIN HADN’T BEEN INSTILLING SUCH RIDICULOUS CONCEPTS INTO HIS KID FOR YEARS

Jeepers Has Jeeped It Up Again

And now Curtain is spiralling!! Part of me is like “The nerve of him, after he just destroyed several children”, but, alas, your writing has gotten to me again and I actually feel kind of bad for him

Nicholas isn’t laughing at you, you GRASSHOPPER, he’s CRYING because he LOVES YOU

And Garrison is having to bear so much of his anger. It’s that other thing, the one about how you treat people close to you worse because you trust them to love you anyway? Except BAD because they’ve both been through so much it’s just getting wildly more unhealthy by the day

“Now all she could do was hope that whatever psychics and spies were crawling about the Institute were able to get their job done before Curtain found them” It’s so weird how she doesn’t have the information necessary in the slightest, but somehow she’s kind of closer to the truth than Curtain is

(This isn’t important in the slightest, and not to undercut the drama and tension of this scene, but I hate that stupid hallway painting outside Curtain’s office with a PASSION)

Ooooh, the way you sprinkle little hints of doubt into SQ’s thoughts is absolutely fantastic. And painful. Very Painful.

Reynie’s so scared but you know he wouldn’t really blame SQ even if he did get brainswept

The way you added SQ’s backstory with the Helpers!! That’s so cool!! Oh my heavens, I am in love with how you added that!!!!

THIS CHILD IS SO EMPATHETIC WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN SELF REYNARD

Now, just because I don’t think Reynie, as a small, incredibly stressed child, should be overly worried about SQ doesn’t mean I am not worried, oh my word. This Child!!! Needs A Hug!!!! Now!!!!

Jeeps.

But, the thing is, Curtain is so upset!! And he’s not upset because his Evil Villain Mastermind plan is going awry, he’s upset because the (Astoundingly Unhealthy) coping mechanisms are failing him! It makes me want to Pat Him On The Back, because I don’t think a hug would end well

MAYBE MARTINA WOULD BE FRIENDS WITH HIM IF YOU LET HIM TALK TO PEOPLE

But, really, Curtain would probably hate Martina as an influence on SQ because she’d challenge him

“Would you care to reconsider that answer, son?” And you wonder why the kid’s got trust issues

And this is it!!! Oh, Bods, I am Vibrating. Curtain’s emotional dam is cracking and it’s going to go so terribly but I wish he’d just work it out Lands Sakes Alive

It’s so infuriating that he’s being such a funky little oxymoronic moron and forcing himself not to feel emotions by thinking about people he cares about

AKJFHDHGJKGSDHJGKJGKJKHJGKJHGSKJHDKJHDGSKJSDG

DOCTOR GARRISON????????

I’m going to have a heart attack one of these days, Heavens to Betsy

SQ!!! AND THE SECRET LAB!!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!

Oh, Milligan is so proud of Kate!! As he should be!! You write him going into these cute detail spirals whenever he thinks about Kate, and it’s so sweet!! I love it :) 

Just the small scenes you add to fill in what we see in the show are gorgeous!!! They make me fantastically happy to read

Oh, Jackson and Jillson. They really need to discover their own personalities. Someone please save them from themselves (And Curtain)

(Quick Note: The word “falcon” has a tiny little typo in it. Nothing to worry about, I just thought you might want to know)

ONCE AGAIN. HOW IS CURTAIN ACTUALLY KIND OF CLOSE BUT SO OFF THE MARK??????

Erika!!

BODS I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM CRYING AND MELTING INTO THE FLOOR THROWING UP FROM THE PURE EMOTION HOW COULD YOU DO THIS I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND HOW DARE YOU HOW COULD YOU DO THIS THIS IS THE END FOR ME

ASKJKHJDGSKHJDSGKJDGKJGDFKJHFGKJHDGKJHDSGJKL

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DO NOT HAVE THE WORDS TO ARTICULATE THIS I AM BANGING MY FACE INTO THE WALL BODS PLEASE KNOW IF I WAS EVEN ANYWHERE NEAR YOU I WOULD BE BRAVING THE STREETS TO DRIVE TO YOUR HOUSE AND CRY ON YOUR COUCH. AFTER I EAT ALL YOUR LIGHT BULBS.

The thing about SQ hiding in the woods!! The bird ice cream!!!

THE FACT THAT SQ CAN’T QUITE REMEMBER THE LAST TIME HE WAS GIVEN THE ICE CREAM

NO. I DON’T TRUST HIM “MAILING OUT” THE APPLICATIONS. CURTAIN MAY LOVE HIS SON BUT HE IS OBVIOUSLY  HORRENDOUSLY MISGUIDED AND KIND OF COWARDLY OH MY HEAVENS. NIKOLA TESLA AND HIS COILS I AM ABOUT TO LOSE IT.

Okay. Okayokayokayokayokayokayokay. Listen. If this is a pattern (Which it’s seeming pretty likely), then there’s a whole other side that’s probably unintentional!!! Whenever Curtain brainsweeps SQ, which I’m assuming happens every couple of years, then Curtain gets all concerned and is much more careful with SQ because A) He feels bad, and B) SQ is super disoriented and out of it. WHICH MEANS THAT IT REINFORCES IN SQ’S MIND THAT HIS DAD IS THE ONE TO RELY ON WHEN IN STATES OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME

Oh, Oh Garrison. You are worth more than just throwing up and downing pain meds to try and get through life. 

I wish Milligan, or even Curtain when he was slightly more stable, was there to care about her

(This might be me off on a mad as a March hare tangent, but is there a possibility for Garrison’s headache being because she is also a bit psychic?? I’m probably super wrong, but I am also absolutely bouncing off the walls with all of the Brain Bees you’ve given me)

And Curtain still makes her vegan food. Even though she doesn’t fully get it, and Curtain is being all crazy, he still cares about her it makes me so sad

ASHJHHHJKDSG I’m willing to bet that this is also the first time in a while she’s gotten any compliments at all, aside from the children

She’s trying to be a good person!!! But she’s also awfully conflicted like everyone else in this miserable disaster of a decaying friend group, and so it’s going badly!!! I also feel like someone might need to talk to her about her social struggles, because if she’d just stop trying to force herself to be some kind of muddied idealised hypothetical version of herself, then she might get somewhere

(And also if Curtain got off her back a little. I don’t know, I just feel like it says something about her that she has the easier time talking to children out of everyone else)

Martina!!!

Oh, she’s probably also falling apart because either she’s a fugitive and Jackson and Jillson betray her or she’s absolved and Kate’s in the wrong

The dual reactions!!!! The confusion!!! THE FACT THAT NOBODY ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON

ASFKKJDS He’s leaving them in the Waiting Room overnight??? I can’t remember if that happened in the show, but, overkill much??

Oh, and Milligan is having a crisis over being a horrible person, and then has no time to breathe as he’s absolutely panicked over what’s going to happen to Kate

DOCTOR GARRISON????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

Bods. Buddy, Bud, Nobody, Bods.

I Am Going To Start Weeping Openly As Soon As I Finish Stealing All Of Your Left Socks

THE SIGNATURE NOBODY GUT-PUNCH ENDING

WHOOOO

I hope you know that I am wrecked, and I will never, ever be able to move past this. Seriously. I am going to remember this fic for the rest of my life, and I am just. Beyond words.

[Despite being at a loss for words, Sophie proceeded to yell and climb the walls for the next forty-five minutes]

I am going to. Just. This is insane!!! You have broken my brain!!! The Bees have been flash-frozen and are dropping like rocks!!! I can’t even process All That.

I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT I AM ABOUT TO EXPLODE BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN SO, SO GOOD AND GRAND AND I COMMEND YOU AS A WRITER AND A CREATIVE AND A HUMAN BUT ALSO I AM GOING TO SCREAM NOW

One of these days I’m going to have to write a full-blown essay, or, like, make a PowerPoint about how I have been emotionally devastated because your writing has fully cemented itself as a fundamental part of my personality.

Just. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of these days I am going to learn the words to get across to you how much this means with me and how Full Of Emotion I Am

Oh, goodness, I need to go to sleep.

I couldn’t wait and I really wanted to read it, but my “reviews” have become less coherent commentaries and more “live” reactions, and there was so much going on that I needed to get all of my thoughts out immediately.

Thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou, thank you, Thank You, from the bottom of my heart, for this. This chapter, this fic, this entirety of you existing. Thank you so much

Alright, I’m going to try and sleep now, as if I am ever going to recover from this :)

[commanderbuffy]

I’ve been trying to figure out how to say this since we found out Airk doesn’t know about Madmartigan, but I’m struggling to put my thoughts in order. I’m a little afraid you are going to take this as a critique, but I promise it’s not! I’m just having fun psychoanalyzing fictional situations. :)

I don’t see any difference between what Kit and Sorsha are doing to Airk in TTA and what everyone was doing to Kit in Armourium. I never really felt fully comfortable blaming people for keeping things from Kit in Armourium because they did it out of love. I especially didn’t like the idea that Kit never forgave Airk. He thought she might die, if he came clean! Was the outcome good? No. Were poor choices made on everyone’s part? Yes. The thing is, that they did this on the advice of professionals and all felt horrible and, deep down, knew it was a temporary fix.

In TTA, it seems genuinely cruel to keep this from Airk. This isn’t a life and death decision for his health, his dad (HIS DAD!) is alive and the people he loves most are keeping it from him. Keeping it from him as a child was probably not the best idea, but I fully understand it. But now, at 26, Airk deserves to know. Airk deserves to be angry. At his dad, obviously, but also at Sorsha and Kit. They kind of screwed him over. They need to sit down and apologize and explain everything from the beginning. This cat, literally, can’t stay in the bag. There’s no way this story is staying hidden until Airk’s death; the world doesn’t work that way. TTA Kit and Sorsha need to do better than the crew in Armourium, being willing to lose Airk in his anger for a while, with the hope that he will return. If they don’t, he will find out, and they might lose him forever.

To clarify: I know TTA is fiction, and it’s obviously not your responsibility to write this!! I’m just looking at this story and realizing that this is a problem with flawed, realistic, human characters, and I am imagining how things would need to go in the future after our girls get their HEA.

-Producer 3/Numbered Theories anon

hello! sorry it took a couple days for me to get to this ask. sometimes i put off answering asks that require me to think a good bit because I like to answer long ones from my computer vs. my phone, and sometimes the asks get buried as well (since I'm saving all the lovely playlist recommendation asks and they tend to bury asks some times)

I think the biggest distinction between Kit/Sorsha keeping Mads from Airk in TTA and everyone keeping secrets from Kit in Armouriam comes down to the secret that's being kept and how it relates to agency.

In Armouriam, the secrets being kept from Kit were Kit's life and history and truths about herself. Things that everyone in her life knew except her. Keeping the secrets kept Kit's agency away from her and the knowledge of decisions she herself had already made. With Airk in TTA, there's one secret and it's a decision someone else made (that of course impacts him).

Yes, there's overlap! Both involve keeping critical information from a family member that would inform their worldview and directly relates to them. And you raise a good point that in Armouriam, they thought keeping the secrets was necessary for Kit's health. And in Armouriam, I really leaned into that. It was messy and there wasn't a straightforward right answer. They weren't in the wrong for keeping the secrets even though it ended up being the wrong thing to do.

In TTA, Kit and Sorsha are hiding the secret from Airk to protect him. And you're right, that does take agency away from him. He should be allowed to know the truth. Sorsha's reasons for not telling Airk are both selfish and selfless. She doesn't want to cause Airk pain, but she also doesn't want him to hate her for A. not telling him sooner and B. not fighting harder for him to stay (which is not a reaction Airk would have, but a fear Sorsha has that that would be his reaction). On Kit's part, her reason for not telling Airk is more selfless. She knows her twin better than anyone in the world, and she knows how hurt he would be and how much he would blame himself for Kit's pain. So, she sees it as sparing him.

People are messy. I don't really think there is a right answer as to whether Kit should tell Airk or not. She was a child when she learned and it kinda fucked her up long term. She has really solid reasons not to tell Airk. They also have no reason to believe that there's any possibility Airk would find out without one of them telling him.

Airk is not going to learn the truth about Mads in TTA. Partially because it's not relevant to the arc of this story. That's not to say I might not explore that possibility in a one-shot though! You never know!

SORRY THIS WAS SUCH A LONG, RAMBLING RESPONSE.

[colinburbleswithhappiness]

The Bastard Son & the Devil Himself Rewatch: Episode 6

Spoilers probably:

So Gabriel has been avoiding talking to Nathan…oh right. This is one of my favorite scenes! Nathan tries to talk to Gabriel and Gabriel’s so tight and angry, and then all of a sudden yelling. “I thought you were going to die!” And then he repeats it. Softer, more vulnerable. Like he just doesn’t know what to do with that.

I just love when people don’t have “appropriate” responses to things. Like, he almost died and you’re going to yell at him about it? But it feels very real. People are messy.

Everything Jessica does is so fucked up. Poor Max and Odette. (Side note: I guess Jessica must speak French? I didn’t catch it the first time but she’s only pretending to be Max’s grandfather and she speaks to him in French. Unless the shapeshifting somehow gives her that ability? Seems unlikely.)

And Gabriel has to help Odette die. Which…seems like something he’s done before? I wonder when. How many times?

They give her a flower crown, they put a flower in her hands…I’m gonna cry.

Crying for Ceelia too. That little girl hiding from the wolf. Man, I don’t even like her. I mean she’s a good and interesting character but I can’t really get past the way she treats Nathan in the beginning. It’s clearly abusive, it crosses a line for me, I can’t really like her after knowing she did those things to a helpless kid.

I really love this part where Annalise takes the poison out of Nathan’s body, too. She’s so scared of hurting him. She thinks her power’s all about destruction but it isn’t. It can be used for good. (See also her taking the gun apart.)

And then all three of them clutch each other’s hands...

Nathan thinking it’s his fault the council killed his mom...oh, Nathan. Ceelia does get a great moment here. She’s almost crying at first, she quickly pushes him on from talking about Wolfhagen, she still can’t stand to think about it. And then she’s just so done with Soul and the Fairborns. And Nathan asks her what to do and she asks him that horrible old list of questions but now something’s changed. Because he’s a blood witch and she’s accepted it. And she’s going to help him. Love it.

I feel bad for Kieran, knowing what’s coming. He tries to stand up for what’s right (standing with Bjorn in relieving Soul of command), but then he loses his nerve. This kid is such a tragedy.

Nathan asks Gabriel if he’ll help him die peacefully if he doesn’t get his blood and Gabriel just nods…and then Nathan has to make it a joke, lighten the mood.

God I love this scene. “So how I do I go about getting my name in your dumb book?” “They’re names of people who are important to me.” “What, I ain’t important?” Gabriel gives him the pencil, wordless. “There, now you won’t forget me.” “I wouldn’t”. The long look he gives him. He knows more than Nathan how hard it could be to keep that promise.

And then, “I need a drink.” Lol. Because things got too serious there for a sec.

How much of the heart do heart-eaters have to eat to get the person’s powers? When I first watched I kind of assumed it was just a bite or two because that’s all they really showed. But in fics I’ve seen Nathan have to eat the whole thing. What is the truth???

Oh yeah, and then Gabriel and Annalise dancing on the boat. In the rain. :) Making Nathan laugh. Beautiful little moment.

This show is so fucking good. I will cry if it doesn’t get a second season.

[steddiealltheway]

No because what if one day Eddie goes to his locker one morning and groans as a piece of paper falls out because the hate notes he gets are never creative. And he opens it because curiosity always gets the best of him, but the note reads, “Meet Me. Bathroom. Steve.” 

And Eddie absolutely giggles because everyone knows about Steve’s bathroom makeout spot/notes, and there’s no way it’s for Eddie. On the way, Eddie is going through all the things he could say, and when he opens the bathroom door he settles on, “Steve Harrington, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

Steve is confused and turns bright red when Eddie hands him the note. He stutters out that it isn’t meant for him, and Eddie tells him he figured as much. Eddie expects Steve to punch him or something, but he just weirdly stares at him, so Eddie asks who it was for. 

Steve explains it was for Jessica who is the locker to Eddie’s right. Eddie scoffs and explains it wouldn’t work out anyways. Steve asks why, and Eddie says, “Her and her boyfriend were making out against my locker yesterday. I guess I should thank you.”

“For what?”

“Choosing a better makeout spot.”

And Steve looks like he’s trying as hard as he can to fight the smile creeping onto his face. Eddie is so confused because this is Steve fucking Harrington and he should be yelling slurs at him, not laughing at his lame jokes. So, Eddie mumbles an awkward, “Good luck,” and leaves the bathroom before Steve can do something to ruin the memory. 

The next day, Eddie gets to his locker in time to see Jessica reading an identical note which she ends up tearing up and throwing on the ground. 

Eddie can’t help but scoop up the pieces and make his way to the bathroom. When he opens the door, Steve smiles at him but then must realize that isn’t the right response so he immediately frowns. Eddie holds up the note and says, “Didn’t work out. Next time I suggest you choose a girl that doesn’t litter though.”

That same smile creeps its way on Steve’s face no matter how hard he tries to fight it. So, Eddie once again quickly leaves.

After this, Eddie can’t help but come to school earlier than normal and watch Steve drop a note in someone’s locker. And to Eddie’s surprise, each girl ends up throwing the note away or tearing it up - one girl even spits her gum into it.

But every time, Eddie ends up going to the bathroom to make some sort of lame joke to Steve about how he struck out again, he expects Steve to get angry or disappointed to see him, but he almost seems anxious to see Eddie. He’s sure it’s all in his head.

One time, one of the girls actually looks excited and goes to the familiar bathroom. Eddie can’t help but be disappointed and he gets stuck on why he gets an aching feeling in his chest. His thoughts are interrupted by the bathroom door slamming shut and the same girl angrily storming out.

Eddie smiles and makes his way to the bathroom to make a joke about Steve yet again striking out but instead he finds Steve pressing a bloody paper towel against his cheek. “Rings hurt when you get slapped,” Steve explains.

Eddie pulls the first aid kit he has out of his backpack and cleans the small gash and puts a band aid on Steve’s cheek. He mumbles, “If that first note really was for me, then maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation.” And Steve freezes, and Eddie panics because sometimes his mouth just voices his thoughts, but he didn’t know that was one of his thoughts.

He panics and leaves the bathroom before Steve can punch him.

The next day, he shows up to school the same time as he used to and doesn’t glance towards the bathroom where Steve’s probably waiting for some girl. He groans when he opens his locker and a note falls out. He almost throws it away, but right before he drops it into the trash, he opens it.

“Bathroom. S.”

His heart races and he can’t help but go to the bathroom where Steve will likely be there with his horrible friends to beat him to death. But when he opens the door, he only finds Steve there. Then Steve is right in front of him and kissing him. Eddie is in shock, but he kisses him back.

“Meet me here tomorrow?” Steve asks when the bell rings. All Eddie can do is nod in response, expecting himself to wake up from whatever dream this is. 

But the next day they meet... and the next... and the next. Still, Eddie finds time to crack a joke, and cringes when Steve’s starts trying out jokes on him. They’re all awful.

Eventually, things escalate, and Eddie finds himself on his knees in one of the bathroom stalls with Steve. A few blissful days later, he finds Steve on his knees in front of him. 

But one day Eddie shows up late with a bruise on his cheek, and Steve is cradling his face demanding who did it. Eddie tells him it was none other than Tommy, and Steve is whispering apologies in his ears while gently kissing the mark. 

Some days after that they just talk and share a few kisses. 

One time, the bathroom door barges open and Eddie jumps up on the toilet seat to make it seem like only Steve is in the stall. But his foot slips and ends up in the toilet bowl. Eddie has to put his hand over Steve’s mouth to stop him from laughing. When the person leaves the bathroom Eddie says, “I’m gonna kill you.” And Steve can barely kiss him because he’s laughing too hard.

One day, Steve tells Eddie his parents are out of town at a conference, and he should come over. Eddie agrees and that night he ends up losing his virginity to Steve. As they’re falling asleep with Steve cradling Eddie against his chest, Eddie whispers out, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Steve doesn’t say anything, but Eddie can hear and feel his heart racing.

Eventually, Eddie invites Steve to his trailer and that night Steve asks to bottom and as Eddie is drifting off after, he hears him whisper, “I made sure all the girls would reject me, so I could see you again.” Eddie’s heart melts and he brings Steve’s head up to his so he can make eye contact and say, “I love you.” He sees tears in Steve’s eyes as he chokes out, “I love you, too,” but doesn’t question it at that moment.

The next morning, Steve isn’t there when Eddie wakes up. He isn’t in the bathroom at school. He doesn’t even see Steve take his familiar routes to class, but eventually he sees the familiar head of hair and freezes. Steve sees him and goes the opposite direction.

Eddie takes the hint and eventually starts avoiding Steve and the bathroom entirely. One time he sees Steve leave the bathroom with Nancy Wheeler behind him, and Eddie wants to vomit. 

Steve’s friends corner him one day and when Tommy calls him a fag, Eddie fires back, “You wish,” while looking directly at Steve. When Tommy punches him, Steve flinches but doesn’t intervene. Instead, he grabs Nancy’s hand and pulls her away.

Eddie decides in that moment that he hates Steve Harrington. He tries to forget about him and eventually he nearly does. Then, there he is again, Eddie pushes him against the wall like he used to, but this time with a broken bottle to his neck.

AO3 Link

[delicrieux]

Hi lovely was wondering if you could maybe write a stranger things one with Steve. The reader is dustins older sister and is a bit bitchy with Everyone and one night when Steve’s over she upset and he sees what she’s really like and that she is actually human haha ❤️

THE STRANGEST THING | endless drabble series (summer edition)

summary: steve has a thing for dustin’s sister pairing: steve harrington x henderson!reader a/n: i love stranger things. there’s nothing i love more than stranger things. i want 100000 season’s of this series even if it turns into supernatural. i do not care. give me more. also, used prompt 5. warm, breezy nights, with this req mwah ty sm for sending it in <33

masterlist. ☕. reqs are open for the summer prompt list!

part 2.

It’s a miracle. It has to be. Or...or, a tragedy. Something between the two extremes. Because Steve has seen many outlandish things happen at Hawkin’s, but this one takes the fucking cake.

He’s seen you angry. Seen you happy (a few times, maybe, he’s not to sure about that to be honest, he might’ve been hallucinating). Seen you cracking a joke or two at his expense (he wasn’t angry, they were funny, but then again, everything you say is funny and only to him). But he’s never, ever ever in the history of all evers, seen you upset. 

It takes him aback. You Henderson’s are tough to crack, and to see you so visibly defeated is just uncanny. 

You’re not the easiest to get along with. You’re a bit rude to their rag-tag team of heroes that save the world every other month without a thank you. A bit cold, a bit distant. A bit pretty, too, but Dustin would probably bury him alive if he was to ever speak it out loud.

From your bed, you notice him. Shit. You weren’t meant to notice him. He was supposed to be watching movies with Dustin in the living room, then going to the bathroom and not halting by your door. To be fair, you could’ve kept it closed. Then again, you probably didn’t think he’d be lurking around like some villain ready to spy on unsuspecting high school seniors. 

That sounds horrible. He must explain himself immediately, “Just--” He waves his hand around, all smile and charm and perfect hair, “on my way to the bathroom.”

“Does this look like the fucking bathroom to you?” You snap back.

“Right.” He chokes out. Clears his throat. You make him stupidly nervous, “I just, uh,” He just what? The question is written all over your face and he’s already preparing for a lashing, “I was just on my way and...noticed that you seem a bit upset.” He smiles again, anxiously, trying to lessen the blow he’ll surely have to take after such a confession, “I thought it was strange, cuz, you know,” He motions to you, “you’re you.”

There’s a pause. He thinks he’s off the hook when, “The strangest thing is that nobody fucking asked, Harrington.”

Yeah, this isn’t going that well. At least he doesn’t have a thing for you, because that would make all of this worse. 

You jump up and make your way to the door ready to shut it in his face but he’s quick to stop you, “Woah! Woah woah woah!” He raises his hands in a pacifying gesture, one that, surprise surprise, seems to work, “I don’t mean any harm, I swear.” Okay, you seem to be listening, so that’s a start, “You’re Dustin’s sister. You know I love that kid.” He admits this a bit quieter, partly because he doesn’t want the said kid to hear and partly because what he says is really fucking true, “And... so...” He shrugs. It should all be already obvious.

That angry spark seems to fizzle from your eyes. Your features soften and your shoulders droop and you look at him unguarded and okay--okay, right, he might have a thing for you after all. 

“You can tell me.” He says, gently, afraid to scare you away, “If you want to, that is. I’m not forcing you or anything. Just...just, you know, you can always. Talk to me.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” 

“I dunno, maybe because I’m a nice person?” That got a smile out of you. Jackpot. A smile suits you better than a frown, but then again, everything looks good on you. He grins, “Okay, well, if you change your mind, I’ll be down the hall. Once I’m done in the bathroom. You should come join us, by the way.”

“I’m not into that nerd stuff.”

“(Name).” He says, wounded, hand covering his heart, “Don’t let poor Dusty hear that.”

“He’s well aware of that already, trust me.” You say with a small smile. There’s a pause of pleasant silence, then, “You should go before you pee your pants.”

“Yeah, I really should.”

And it’s not completely unexpected when you, despite not being into that ‘nerd stuff’, join the two of them on the couch and steal Dustin’s popcorn. You’re quite vocal about not understanding what’s going on. To be fair, Steve doesn’t understand either, but Dustin explains it pretty clearly. The movie is just the three of you talking. Laughing. Exchanging glances that don’t quite have a meaning yet. 

Steve thinks that if all summer nights were like this, he wouldn’t mind. Maybe the three of you could go to a drive-in theatre on a balmy night like this. Or the two of you. He’s not about to say it, but if Dustin was to, let’s say, not tag along, it would be better. A whole lot better.

“Dude!” One, singular pop-corn hits his cheek. He blinks. Dustin is glaring at him, “Stop staring at my sister, it’s fucking creepy!”

"I wasn’t staring!”

“Like fuck you weren’t!”

“It’s fine, Dustin,” You say, “maybe he just had an aneurysm.”

“What the hell, (Name)?” He hisses. Dustin laughs.

Yeah, he’s not taking Dustin to the movies. Fat-fucking-chance.

hope you liked it! xx

[yjwhatif]

TARGETS #6 SPOILERS…

BREAKING DOWN THE FUNERAL SHOT…

In case you can’t read my horrible writing…

We may have been denied seeing everyone in wedding attire but we did get to see everyone in their funeral attire which is pretty cool - there’s always something fun about seeing everyone in different clothes from usual... Even if it is for the unfortunate event of a funeral.

THE RUNAWAYS ARE HERE! You know the first thing I noticed about this shot was that Ed was in it… who scrubs up very nicely I might add… though he and Asami clearly had their growth spurts between the end of s2 and Wallys funeral because they were the smallies of the group and are now towering over previous tallie Tye! It genuinely makes me so happy that they’re all here - they really didn’t need to be given they hadn’t been associated with the heroes very long or know Wally beyond being kid flash, but the fact that they did go to the funeral is so compassionate and respectful - I love it!

Are Dinah's eyes on Bart? If they are, that's a really cool detail that I am obsessed with... Though, I don't know if they actually are, both her and Ollie seem to be looking more in the direction of Red tornado or something off panel... Which is more of an odd choice that I can't quite interpret... That being said, Dinah looking at Bart shows a need to check on him and acknowledge he may not be alright, out of everyone who she knows will definitely be struggling - Artemis, Dick, the other OGs, the rest of wally's family - and yet her focus is on the new kid from the future who would probably down play how affected he is by wally's loss... She's clearly tuned in on more than he'd want anyone to see... There's no hiding from Black Canary!

My boy Bart needs a hug right now! He looks so sad and isolated from everyone despite being surrounded by so many people - his chair is pulled away from iris's, disconnecting him from the other flashfam, there's probably guilt/imposter syndrome at being included with all wally's close family when he's only been around for a few months - obviously he does deserve to be there but I feel like he’d much prefer to be at the back and out of the way that front row. He’s looking at nothing/the ground - lost in his own thoughts/memories of past losses, his posture is hunched as he tries to make himself as small as possible - probably not wanting to be noticed or acknowledged in any way… basically he needs a hug! Also it is always wrong seeing Bart separated from Ed and Jaime - boy needs his besties!

Like when Artemis was “killed”, Conner’s natural response is to be angry before tearful, which I actually quite like - grief shows itself in different ways and it’s just as valid a response… it’s also interesting to see how M’gann is focusing on Conner, aware of how hurt he will be but not trying to physically connect/comfort him as they are still broken up at this point and maybe doesn’t want to overstep.

Perdita can’t even look at the tomb stone, possibly trying to hold back her tears.

Artemis, Dick and Kaldur’s reactions are all heartbreaking - Artemis is clearly trying to hold it together but is on the brink of completely breaking down while her mum, Barbara and Brucely crowd around her. Dick is full on sobbing - which is something we’ve never seen him do and shows just how affected he was by Wallys loss - his closest friend and confidant was gone. Then there’s Kaldur, who isn’t actually showing much visible reaction - which is very Kaldur - holding in whatever emotions he may definitely be feeling because he doesn’t want to access that side of himself… it’s interesting that dick and Kaldur seem to have opposite overall grief responses - dick broke down immediately then proceeded to disconnect from dealing with his feelings over s3, while Kaldur avoided dealing with his built up negative feelings from the beginning and has only just put his effort into working through his grief.

I like the idea that Garth is looking at Kaldur (though it may actually be that he’s looking at Artemis or Dick - a lot of the eye lines are difficult to properly pinpoint) If it is Kaldur he’s looking at, then that shows hes thinking about him and checking in on him - they were good friends once - and while they may not be as close anymore, Garth’s focus on him illustrates that he still cares and understands that Kaldur probably isn’t okay.

There is so much emotion coming from Dick/Artemis/Mrs. West that it’s attracting the attentions of Denny, Karen and Roy… maybe even Red Tornado and Jaime as well. I love seeing who people are looking at!

ORIN ISN’T WEARING SHOES!!

It genuinely threw me for at least 10 seconds as to which batkid was between Bruce and Cassie… and then I remembered when this was set and that it’s obviously Tim (🤦‍♀️)… though he does look remarkably similar to s1 Dick Grayson.

La’gaan is looking very suave in that outfit… though also very upset which is really heartbreaking!

Poor uncle Dudley - could everyone not just shuffle over a little bit so he could be fully in the shot?

It’s cool to finally see Freddy for the first time, who, as pointed out by someone on Twitter, is actually sat on plastic man as a chair - which is ridiculously brilliant - I did think it was an odd colour scheme for the chair to have compared to everyone else’s!

Love Alfred keeping a watchful eye on everyone at the back.

I did not expect this to be what Hawkman looks like under the mask!

Let’s talk Dr. Fate… Mr. ‘Doesn’t-Care-About-Anyone-Else’ being at Wally’s funeral is so powerful and one of my favourite things about this shot - this is a choice Nabu is making which shows respect for someone he had a brief connection with previously… also, he’s not fully visible so it could be no one else actually knows he’s there which plays into their assumption that he doesn’t care about anyone - but him being there shows there is some level of care/compassion. I really do find Nabu to be such a fascinating character in this show!

And those are my current thoughts on this shot - I think it’s absolutely brilliant and I’m so glad we go to see it! RIP Wally.

LB

[ellakomskaikru]

Zuko betrayed Mai when he left her locked inside a prison cell and Mai still saved his ungrateful ass. The bastard didn’t even talk about her even once after that. And I’m supposed to believe he loves her? Yeah right. He was a horrible boyfriend to her and he would be a horrible boyfriend to Katara too. I hate both Maiko and Zutara for Mai and Katara’s sakes. Zuko should not be inflicted on any girl.

Hello anon!

I disagree that Zuko betrayed Mai. Mai was the one who chose to come to the Boiling Rock just to yell at Zuko for breaking up with her, which endangered the mission he was on. Mai was the niece of the warden and as a prominent noblewoman her presence there would attract attention and by default to Zuko. Mai did not want to understand Zuko’s perspective as when he literally told her, “Stop! This isn’t about you, it’s about the Fire Nation!” Her reply was, “Thanks Zuko, that makes me feel all better.” She didn’t care about the atrocities her nation was committing, all she cared about was the fact that Zuko dumped her.

Mai does seem to grudgingly listen to Zuko after he tells her “That’s not how I see it.” But we didn’t see their full conversation or Mai’s reaction to Zuko explaining why he’s doing what he’s doing. The next time we saw them she was frowning at him, which insinuates that she still didn’t agree with his reasons. Because of this, Zuko probably deduced that Mai was a danger to the completion of the mission, which is why he locked her inside the cell. And he also probably figured that she would be safe in the cell because her uncle was literally the warden of the prison anyways.

So no, Zuko did not betray Mai. Mai was an obstacle to what he set out to do, so he removed her from his path so he could finish his mission without interference. A lot was at stake there, and he is not a jerk for prioritizing getting the prisoners out of the Boiling Rock and ending the war over Mai. Yes, Mai saving Zuko was very brave and the right thing to do. Yes, Zuko should have mentioned her afterwards and he didn’t, which also makes it hard for me to believe that he loves her at all. Their relationship was not convincing at all.

But before that, Zuko was not a horrible boyfriend to her. He had one moment of explosive jealousy, and was rightfully called out for it. But he was thoughtful. He got her a shell because he was trying to please her and she sarcastically rejected it. How is he supposed to know what she likes if she doesn’t tell him? He hasn’t seen her for three years. Mai was not obligated to like the shell, but she should have at least appreciated that her boyfriend was trying to do something nice for her. He also went to get her food without complaint when she literally ordered him to at the party. Then in Nightmares and Daydreams, Zuko does his best to please her by ordering fruit tarts for her. Zuko wasn’t perfect, but he tried to make her happy when he himself was in a really bad place emotionally.

There’s also no evidence that he would be a horrible boyfriend to Katara. When Zuko was with Mai, he was pretending to be someone he wasn’t and was in some deep anxiety. He was not himself with her, and couldn’t be even if he wanted to. And yet still, he tried to make it work with her. When Zuko joins Team Avatar, he is finally his true self. And when he’s interacting with Katara he shows his real personality. He was respectful and supportive towards her. He truly wanted to make up for how he hurt her and was very supportive of her in The Southern Raiders. Zuko also protected her even when she was still angry with him, as he saved her from falling rocks and took the brunt of the fall so that she wouldn’t get hurt.

Zuko and Katara had a good friendship and they enjoyed spending time with each other. Zuko respected her as a fighter as he chose her to come fight Azula with him, and put her life before his own in The Final Agni Kai when Azula shot lightening at Katara and he took it for her instead. Therefore, I see no evidence that he would be a horrible boyfriend to Katara. I think he would always put her first and be supportive of her, and accept her entirely for who she is. Zuko is not perfect, even after his redemption, he has flaws. But he is a good person overall who is empathetic, thoughtful, and supportive. He tries his best and I think he’d make Katara happy. Katara would not have to coddle him and she would be able to be her full self with him.

You’re entitled to dislike Mai.ko and Zutara for whatever reasons, but this why I don’t agree with the view that Zuko is a horrible boyfriend.

Thanks for the ask!

[frostironfudge]

I Think I Met You In My Dreams Once - Bucky Barnes - Six 

Summary: After receiving an honourable discharge from his military service that was caused by the loss of his arm, James Barnes begins to come to terms with several things. He also finds solace in youtube videos, memes and on social media, where he happens to find you.

Pairing: Ex-Military!Bucky Barnes x Fem! Plus Size!Reader (Modern AU)

Chapter Warnings: angst, fluff, dirty talking, swear words, bucky's insecurity regarding his appearance is mentioned not heavily discussed.

Word Count: 4439 Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Fic Masterlist || Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Playlist

Chapter Five || Chapter Seven

“Are you seriously leaving?” Sharon huffs, as Bucky retrieves his jacket from behind his chair.

“Yes I am.” He informs, not even looking at her. 

“Bucky—,” Sharon tries to come closer but Sam gives her a hard glare.

“Barnes, look, why do have to go? It isn’t for her, this night is to celebrate our win.” Sharon yells over the music and Bucky scoffs.

Sam rolls his eyes and Steve just doesn’t understand this woman. He was going to ask her out, but thankfully he dodged a bullet.

“She’s all the way there and if she can’t be here what gives her the right to ruin our night?” Sharon huffs and Bucky turns.

“Listen to this only one time because I won’t be repeating myself. I love her. I don’t care if she was in Antarctica or she was living in the apartment opposite to mine. Or if she was waiting for me back home. You are a colleague. Act like one. Respect my boundaries. And respect my girl. While you’re at it have some respect for yourself.” Bucky gives a look to Sam and Steve and they follow him outside.

Sharon watches as they leave glaring at the three of them, her friends have awkward looks on their faces and they try to calm her down. Steve only shakes his head one last time before they are greeted with the cooler are of New York City.

Bucky keeps trying to call but you keep declining, as if you’ve shifted your phone onto do not disturb.

“Can someone explain why is she not answering her phone?” Bucky caught the tail end but didn’t understand why Natasha was screaming while he was trying to get away from Sharon.

“I was video calling Nat, your girl is with her, I turned the camera around to show her the vibe of the place because she is visiting over Christmas and sorry off track, that was when Sharon had her arms around you. Y/N saw it maybe misinterpreted and your song was playing and she’s upset man.” Sam recounts.

Bucky covers his eyes and then looks at the two of his friends.

“Can you try Nat?” Bucky requests as they begin walking towards their apartment building.

“I’ll try.” Sam brings out his phone while Bucky leaves about a dozen messages for you to speak to him.

Bucky🌻: 

Doll, please talk to me, let me fix this please, I can’t stand that you’re upset, I know you probably do not want to speak to me but please.

Doll, pick up the phone, please I need to hear your voice, I need to see you.

Doll, I know what it probably looked like, please give me the chance to explain.

Y/N, please.

missed FaceTime video call from Bucky🌻 (7)

missed FaceTime audio call from Bucky🌻 (10)

@.bbarnes is trying to video call you

@.bbarnes is trying to audio call you

@.bbarnes:

Doll, i really am so sorry you had to see that, it, i know the way it looked probably made it seem as though i’m cheating on you but that is furthest from the truth.

@.bbarnes:

 Doll please let me explain, please. 

@.bbarnes:

i won’t let this go unless you speak to me

@.bbarnes:

also tell Natasha that spamming me with angry emojis and telling me to back off is not going to make me back off from trying to make things right.

The entire night was horrible, Bucky kept checking the time with bleary eyes, told off Steve when he tried to tell him to go to bed. Constantly checking all the apps you spoke on, hell he even downloaded snapchat to see if you’re on there.

Sam walked into the kitchen the next morning as Bucky poured out his umpteenth coffee cup. 

“Any news?” Bucky questions and Sam gives him a worried look.

“She isn’t eating. Nat’s tried hard. She’s reading your texts but isn’t in the frame of mind to respond.” 

“God.” Bucky retrieves his phone, worried about your health.

@.bbarnes:

Nat told Sam you did not eat breakfast, or lunch? doll please don’t punish yourself.

@.bbarnes:

Doll, please eat your food, you have to eat something.

After an hour or so Sam returns bearing news that you have eaten, and that Nat is still mad at him but she’s understood what happened so the angry emojis would stop after half an hour more. 

@.bbarnes:

Alpine is curled around your picture, i think she knows you need some cuddles and she knows i messed up. hasn’t even looked at me.

Bucky’s eyes light up with hope as he sees the typing bubble appear from your end. Then his entire body deflates at the message.

@.watchingthemoonlight:

i’ll speak to you later, i need some time.

@.bbarnes:

i am not going to let this break us up, that sentence sounds a lot as though you’ve decided something for us.

@.watchingthemoonlight:

james, please.

@.bbarnes:

no. i am not considering it, whatever it is speak to me about it now.

@.watchingthemoonlight:

don’t you want someone you can hold close? not have to wait for her to take a flight or stand in lines for visas or you take a flight for her? someone who can actually dance with you? eat with you? touch you?

@.bbarnes:

i want you, Y/N. for all of that and more.

You want to scoff at his continued absurdity. Did he not want a normal relationship?

@.watchingthemoonlight:

james, be reasonable.

Bucky wants to scoff at your absurdity. Be reasonable? He’d list reasons, a plethora of them. Bucky is not going to lose you nor going to let you push him away. The thought enters his mind what if you’re tired of it, the distance, of him?

@.bbarnes:

i am being reasonable, i want you, i don’t care about the distance or how long i have to wait before holding you beside me. Or touching your soft skin, feeling your warmth against me, i do not care about the waiting, yes it gets difficult, yes, it hurts but i am not giving up this easily. we promised we’d fight.

this is me fighting for us. 

whenever you’re ready to talk, call me, audio or video it is up to you. i am not discussing this further on text, Y/N.

i will fight till you fight with me, for us. 

i will fight for us.

You throw your phone against the mountain of pillows. 

Why won’t he take the easy way out? Why won’t he admit it is difficult and he’s tired? 

You run a hand along your face, residual wetness from the tears still remain. You keep your eyes open, because every time they shut you can see Sharon’s smug face, hands all too close to your Bucky. 

Tears flow anew. You just want to seek comfort in Bucky’s arms, make it all go away. You know if you asked him for the moon and stars he’d find a way to bring those to you. So why won’t your mind allow him to fix this? Why does your heart clench woefully? 

Pushing the blankets off and leaving the comfort of the cocoon. You retrieve the hoodie that Bucky sent only saving it for moments where you absolutely needed him more than what the screen could provide. As you carefully open the packaging the soft scent of his cologne calms you but also rubs against the wound that your heart harbours. 

The soft scent of Oak has taken over the hint of lemon, the amber still lingers at the periphery. Wearing it, his dog tags softly rapt against your chest. Holding them you re-read the engraving of his rank and name. He could have never even met you. His injury could have been fatal and you would never know a soul as kind as him. You would never have met the man who quiet possibly is the love of your life.

How could you then lose him? How could you allow him to slip through your hands like grains of sand? How could you allow Bucky to fight for the two of you, alone?

The thoughts swirl inside your head, a melody that keeps on repeating itself. Pushing you to the conclusion that you have to make this right. You have to talk to him. Natasha comes in you look up at her. 

“Do you want to know what he is upto?” She questions sitting down at the edge of the bed.

“Yeah…” You say softly.

“He’s not doing to good either, curled up with the hoodie. I know what we saw wasn’t what it was then why are you pushing him away?” She questions.

“Because, because I love him and he deserves something good after all the shit his life has put him through. He shouldn’t have to settle for me. He could have someone in New York.”

“Someone like Sharon?” Nat cuts you off and you make a face.

“No, not her, she’s awful.” You counter, “She’s a bitch. I said he deserves someone good, Nat.”

Natasha only chuckles.

“What if you’re the good he deserves?” She raises a brow.

“I’m so far away.” You reason.

“Do you love him?” She presses on.

“I do, so much.” You admit, blinking back tears.

“Now say, you know, he loves you too.” Bucky request and he hears Nat repeat his words to you. He did hijack her call with Sam to be able to speak with you.

“Nat, it’s just, seeing them, made me realise how he should have someone who doesn’t make him wait or have issues or you know—,” He hears your voice break, Bucky just wants to wrap you up close to him. Take you both away from wherever you are, just erase the distance.

“I, I applied for a visa,” He hears you admit to Nat.

Bucky’s eyes widen, you never told him, Steve and Sam have huge grins on their faces, the prospect of you coming here, meeting Bucky. It was a dream come true.

“Did you get it?” There is hope in Nat’s voice, hope that they all harbour.

Bucky can’t believe why you wouldn’t tell him, this, were you going to surprise him?

“Y/N, what happened?” Natasha urges you to speak.

“I was supposed to know two days ago but they didn’t get back, when they emailed right before, the thing it said administrative processing. When my elder cousin had gotten the same answer it was basically a rejection. He had to reapply after a year. Will Bucky wait that long? Will he be able to fight that long? Will I be able to fight for us? Will he fight for us again?” Your voice is laden with sniffles and pauses.

Steve and Sam’s grins deflate, worry ceasing them once again.

“Put me on speaker.” Bucky says, he can hear shuffling and the sound quality changes.

“Nat what are you—,” She ignores you, taking her headphone out,

“Go ahead, Barnes.” Nat says, you furrow your brows.

“I’ll fight two years,—,” The air feels heavier, “Bucky? What—,” Your eyes widen at his voice, how long was he listening?

“I’ll wait three. say the number and i’m ready for all of it. I have fought for others, on their orders. You are someone I am fighting for, for myself. I’m very selfish I’ve come to realise Doll. Can’t imagine a day without you. Hell, i can’t imagine life without you.” He confesses.

“Bucky, you, why?” You cannot fathom his words.

“I love you. I want to be with you, I don’t care how long it takes, I don’t care. I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?” Bucky questions and there is no reply, he looks at Sam and Steve who both have their brows furrowed have nervousness cascading through their entire demeanour.

Natasha looks at you in disbelief, shaking you while you’re silent, you rummage through the blankets for your phone, wanting to tell Bucky face to face.

“Is she okay?” Sam questions on behalf of Bucky, whose entire being is rigid. 

Overthinking, Lost. 

You’re lost to him aren’t you?

Fuck, he wants to crumble.

“She’s, she’s okay, just—,”

The ringing of Bucky’s phone startles them all Steve smiles as he places the phone in Bucky’s hand.

Doll🌸 incoming FaceTime Video.

Bucky picks up the call, the tune resounds on both ends, Nat, Sam and Steve all make their way out of the rooms. They do have ears pressed to the door.

“I want to be with you.” You take his appearance in, tired eyes, hair tousled, at your words Bucky breathes, as though his first ever breath.

“Can we talk about what happened?” You hesitantly ask, “I, I just want to explain…” You feel guilty, about putting him through so much trouble and worry.

“Have you eaten?” Bucky questions checking the time, far too late for you, late evening for him.

“I did…” You trail off, wondering if he is deflecting.

“Okay, good, now what happened? I know you saw her try to get close to me. I was texting you, she pulled on my arm and I dropped my phone.” Bucky explains and you watch the genuine concern on his face.

“Well, then, um, Sam was FaceTiming Nat, and well showing her around the club. That is when Nat called out to me, she had her arms around you and your hand was on her arm. In that moment I just, I thought it was an indicator that you deserve someone to be there physically. I, I knew you weren’t dancing, or—,” your voice cracks.

“Drink some water please, baby?” He requests softly, the holder keeping his phone up, thumb tracing over your face over the screen.

You take a few sips, looking up at him.

“I’m sorry I worried you.” You look away.

“Doll, you have nothing to apologise about.” He affirms, raising his index finger in warning when you try to protest.

“Speak to me, do you want to discuss what happened further or do we talk about something else?” He questions and you nod.

“I guess I was jealous too, and her being close to you bothers me. Does she need to be sticking to you in every picture?” You admit, skin heating in embarrassment.

Bucky laughs and you look up at him offended.

“I’m, I’m not laughing at you, I just I din’t think I would ever know what it is like a partner being jealous over me. The only time I’d seen anything was when Sam and I were hanging out and Steve got grumpy.” He grins when you chuckle.

“I can understand, and I assure you that I am going to be maintaining my distance from her. Requesting for an office space change as well. The email has been done.” He explains.

You let go of a deep breath. 

“It won’t cause problems at work right?” You ask, Bucky shakes his head. You chew on your bottom lip, still feeling guilty for punishing him over your emotions.

“What has my pretty girl worried?” He leans in closer, “Should I pepper your face in kisses?” He makes smooching sounds and puckers his lips and you can’t help but giggle.

He makes more smooching sounds, drawing laughter from you.

“There she is!” Bucky declares happily as your laughter is music to his ears.

The call stays on for an hour. 

An attempt to make up for time lost. You’ve told him all about the presentation. At some point your friends left. All elated that things had been sorted out.

Bucky got hungry so you watched him whip up his famous pesto pasta. Using the tripod to keep you roaming around with him.

Alpine does knock you down a few times, as she tries to paw at the screen at it just makes you laugh.

He looks confused when he notices you aren’t wearing the hoodie anymore, just your PJs.

“Don’t want your cologne to wear off just yet.” You explain, the material of your loose shirt dropping from your shoulder. Bucky misses his forkful of pasta, you giggle as his cheek is coated in the green sauce. He narrows his blue eyes at you, but then scrunches his nose and joins in on the laughter.

“Eyes up here, Sergeant.” You tease, toying with his tags and letting your skin remain exposed.

“When did I get this much of a tease of a girlfriend?” He wonders out loud but the look of absolute adoration doesn’t leave his eyes. As if you’re the only view for him.

“Swear you’re prettier than any view anyone says is breathtaking.” He compliments, you dip your head cheeks heating, then look back at the screen.

“Clearly you have not seen the mirror, because you’re beautiful, Bucky.” You tell him, he blushes, taking another bite and mumbling a thank you.

You bite back a smile, and slowly cause the shirt to dip lower. Bucky looks back and his breath hitches as he notices what you’re doing, the skin of your chest coming into view and all his brain can think about is wanting to see more.

“Enjoying your meal, Sergeant?” You ask, his gaze darkens.

“I do like it when you call me, Sergeant.” He admits, you bite your lip, “Take your shirt off.” He instructs and the baritone sends shivers through you.

“Yes, Sir.” You answer.

“Fuck, baby.” He bites back a moan as you take the shirt off, mindful of the headphones.

“Want my mouth all over your skin, look at those nipples, begging for my attention.” His words make you keen.

“Making me so hard by just looking at you.” He walks back to his room setting the tripod down, you notice the tent in his jeans.

“Want you in my mouth, please.” You request, Bucky swears he could just combust at the way your mouth parts in small pants, the way you stare at him, half lidded eyes, full of want, need, adoration. 

Fuck he wants you under him, above him, against him.

Bucky watches eyes locked on you, as he takes his shirt off, your eyes trail over his chest, then shoulders, they linger over his left side, eyes softening. Earlier Bucky felt it was pity, that your gaze and wanton urge to touch his marred skin was not out of actual want.

Slowly, he realised you adored and loved all of him, even the scarred parts. Parts that he took so long to accept. Now he knows, you remind him. You want all of him. He traces his hand over his skin, wondering how yours would feel, soft, careful, needy. His cock strains against his jeans.

“You will, put two fingers in your mouth for me baby—,” His words cut off as the line disconnects and you lean forward, “James?” You whisper to the dark screen and then it resets to your home page.

You groan. The battery of his phone died.

Bucky groans, scrambling to find his charger. Stupid him ignoring the percentages. He sighs, as the phone indicates a dead battery and begins charging he fires up his laptop shooting you an email about the issue.

You want to laugh but also you feel frustrated, all the way in New York City, Bucky feels the same way.

Using zoom for these nefarious activities with work and university emails felt weird. After five minutes, Bucky calls again, at the first sign of life.

He’s still shirtless and you have your shirt back on, Bucky only gives you a frustrated look before the two of you start laughing. 

“I can’t believe that happened.” He says, running his hand through his hair.

“I think it was good, it didn’t happen towards the climax…” You wonder, then shudder.

“Please, no, we are not even letting the universe know about that.” He warns, a look of pain on his face.

“You believe in that stuff? About manifesting what you want?” You ask, shifting to your bed, laying down, then propping the phone against the wall of pillows.

“I do, to a certain extent, like attracting good vibes gets you good vibes.” He shrugs, settling into bed as well.

“I’ve never given it a thought beyond trying it once, never worked.” You say, recalling you tried manifesting a pair of shoes.

“There are rules to it,” He says, smiling when you yawn, then he yawns himself, “Type and all, deep dive, never tried it though.” He shrugs.

“Wait how can you believe in something you haven’t done?” You gaze at him questioningly.

“What is religion?” Bucky quotes himself from earlier discussions.

“Have you changed your stance?” You wonder, it had been a while since the conversation shifted to the spirit realm.

“Still waiting on a sign that will make me say, yes, there is someone with a white beard.” He chuckles when you roll your eyes.

“You never told me why you like watching paranormal stuff.” He recalls an incomplete conversation.

“Oh, yeah well I had an experience when I was younger.” You recount, “We were at this holiday home of a friend, they had limited rooms so each family was in one room. There was a pull out bed in our room, so I was on it, and I felt like someone did the psst, psst, sound.” You mimic the sound someone makes to catch attention and Bucky hangs onto every word.

“Then, I checked around, asked my parents, they denied and then I turned around, it happened again, way too close to my ear and I flew off of the bed.” You shiver at the memory and Bucky sits up in shock.

“Wait, really?” He questions.

“Yeah, we checked below the bed, even they reviewed the security tapes from outside. Nothing. Since then I knew there was probably a world adjacent to ours.” You smile, “So I enjoy horror movies, documentaries and content.” You wait for his response.

“Yeah, so that you only watch the movies in the daytime.” He teases, you huff.

“I told you I get nightmares.” You defend.

“Harry Potter gave you nightmares.” He continues the teasing.

“Bucky! Voldemort was scary, especially when he was murdering a unicorn.” You whine, covering yourself with the blanket.

“I find it endearing.” He defends his actions.

“Liar.” You mumble through the blanket.

“Doll.” He coaxes, you peek out of the blanket.

Then stick your tongue out at him, hiding back.

“Real mature.” He chuckles, waiting for you to emerge out.

“Tell me a story.” You ask, looking up at him.

“Bedtime story?” He asks, looking down at you and it almost feels as if you both could be cuddling in bed. Tucked away from the world.

“You’re getting sleepy.” He observes, you blink and force your eyes open.

“Don’t try and argue.” He warns.

“Meanie.” You grumble, curling up more under the covers.

Bucky watches wistfully, wishing it was his chest you would be curled up against.

“Your meanie.” He offers.

“Yes, my grumpy.” You giggle at his offended expression.

“When did I become grumpy?” He wonders.

“Sam had uploaded a story.” You tell him, “On close friends.”

“That asshat, he didn’t keep me on his close friends.” Bucky grumbles, rolling his eyes.

“I’m on it.” You add further gasoline to the flame, getting a rise out of him.

“I will have a word with him.” Bucky narrows his eyes, “I have just the picture.”

It’s silent for a few moments, both of you just relishing each other’s presence.

“I love you.” You whisper softly.

“I love you.” He repeats, equally softly.

Bucky watches then as you fall asleep, he checks the two clocks on his desk, five-thirty for him and three a.m. for you.

Your breathing evened out, the furrow in your brow softens as he places a kiss onto the screen. He smiles to himself, opening up his laptop once again. He’d get a head start on work watching you sleep.

From: Tony Stark

Subject: Change of Office

Dear Barnes,

I can arrange for it but just speak to me before you begin work day tomorrow. I hope everything is alright.

Also Beta Run looks smooth, let’s discuss a testing roll out as well. Focus groups and all that jazz. NDAs and stuff. You’re going to meet the legal head.

Regards,

Tony

He sighs, knowing it would not be easy to tackle Tony and his questions. Nor would be easy to avoid Sharon a lot, since she would be on the projects he handled. He would maintain a distance. Involve H.R. if he had to, he knew Tony would understand. Otherwise alternative routes would have to be taken.

From: Brock Rumlow 

CC: PeterParker

Subject: Mounting Plate

hey coders,

the mounting plate broke while I was out. 

Any chance to fix it? 

I’ll be there morning. 

Fix this shit before Stark sees.

Rumlow.

Bucky blinks, what the fuck? How did that guy break the mounting plate? This was bad, he had to call Peter, he reaches for his phone, but flinches and shakes his head in disbelief. 

Your dad stands behind your sleeping form, staring right at Bucky.

He stands, your dad’s eyes flash to his shoulder. Jaw set.

“Hello, Sir, I’m,—,” Bucky stutters and your dad clicks his tongue in annoyance.

“My wife told me, you’re the boyfriend?” He narrows his eyes, making quote marks around the word 'boyfriend'.

“Yes Sir, James Barnes. I, I apologise for the way we met.” Bucky chews the inside of his cheek nerves firing a mile a minute.

“I expect to see you at the dinner after a few days. Heard ya mumbling thought she was still awake, hasn’t gotten much sleep given the exams.” Your dad mutters.

“Yes, Sir. I’ve asked her to sleep earlier.” Bucky assures.

“You keeping watch on her?” He questions as the two of them look down at your sleeping form.

“Yes, she fell asleep, so, um.” 

“Better not pull any funny business, Jimmy.” Your dad gives him another hard glare before going out the door.

Bucky sits back down, feeling his body again. Feeling his lungs work again.

Swiftly he leaves you a text about what happened, watching you one more time, before he disconnects to sort the mess that Brock was bringing into their lives. 

Shuri and Tony were surely going to lose their tempers.

He did not want Peter or himself to be on the receiving end of either’s wrath.

Taking a look at your picture one more time, he begins to dial Peter’s number.

A.N: *emerges from my hiding spot* how is everyone doing? also i had a question if i were to host like this writing request thing with prompts would it be something anyone would have interest in? I celebrated my 26th bday on sunday and i kinda wanted to do something on tumblr about it... let me know your thoughts!

taglist is open! please comment or message to be tagged!

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[thememerman]

Can we just,.,.accept that both Crosshair and Hunter had their reasons for doing what they did?? And honestly neither of them really did anything wrong??

Hunter left Crosshair because he tried to kill them. He didn’t understand anything about the chip, he really thought Crosshair had just lost his mind. And as soon as he learned about it and how to fix it, we immediately jumped to episode 8 where Crosshair tried to incinerate them with a jet engine. He tried to communicate that the chip was affecting him, and Crosshair didn’t care. Hunter couldn’t even get himself or Omega out of that situation unharmed. He had no way to snag Crosshair from his squadron of stormtroopers out for murder. After Bracca, Hunter was focused on getting Omega back because she’s just a kid; she isn’t with the empire, she hasn’t been chasing them down and almost killing them. From Hunter’s POV, the possibility of getting Crosshair to come with them willingly or even at all is looking bleak and even though he knows it’s not Crosshair’s fault, he’s been so overwhelmed with trying to keep the people relying on him safe and right now he doesn’t think Crosshair is relying on him. And honestly, how were they even supposed to know where Crosshair was half the time? He wasn’t on Kamino 24/7 and the Batch isn’t exactly swimming in imperial informants. But that aside, of course he was thinking about Crosshair; Hunter is loyal to a fault and you can just see the emotional pain that flashes across his face whenever Crosshair is mentioned because that’s his little brother and he couldn’t save him and he feels like he failed. Hunter never was and I don’t think ever can be indifferent when it comes to the people he loves. Whether you like it or not, Hunter was trying his best to keep everyone safe and stop running suicide missions because the galaxy was changing and he was trying to change too. He did nothing wrong.

Now Crosshair.

To all of you calling him a Nazi and saying that the animators and writers intentionally lightened his skin just to make a racist show of dominance, stop it. He was referring to their genetic enhancements being superior. That’s it. He’s always hated regs because let’s be fair the regs were never exactly good to him either (AFTERMATH). Now let’s just take a look at how the chip works shall we!! We know from Rex and Wrecker that clones know what they’re doing while under control of the chip and they’re powerless to stop themselves. So we know in Aftermath that the chip was strengthened to an insane degree, and Crosshair could still see himself taking head shots on his brothers and trying to murder them and he couldn’t stop no matter how badly he wanted to. He was powerless. And then the Batch left; at this point he probably understands that his brothers had to go. They’d regroup. They’d know this wasn’t his fault and they’d come back.

Months pass. Crosshair doesn’t know about the solemn looks the Batch exchange when he’s mentioned. Crosshair doesn’t know that they can barely get food for themselves. Crosshair doesn’t know that Wrecker has flat out said he misses him. Crosshair doesn’t know how Tech said “it doesn’t appear he’ll be needing it” with a twinge of sadness in his voice while giving Omega his comm. Crosshair doesn’t know how much Hunter hates himself for leaving and that Hunter was always planning on going back to him someday because someday he’d have the perfect plan and he could save everyone this time. How could Crosshair know?

More time passes. Crosshair probably still has his chip on but he’s still in there, watching himself become more and more important to the Empire. No rescue attempts. Not one. How awful does he have to feel?? They went to get Echo out of Skako with no backup and they didn’t even know Echo and they can’t go back for him? And here’s the Empire, giving him power and some semblance of control. Things are changing fast and now he has nobody but himself to adjust with, and besides, he’s always had an egotistical side so maybe being a commander and putting the regs in their place isn’t so bad to him after all. He’s alone. He adapts or he dies, that’s the job and that’s all he has now.

Onto Bracca!! If Crosshair is telling the truth about getting his chip out, I firmly believe it had to have been after the events of Reunion. It wouldn’t make sense otherwise; “if I wanted you dead, you would be” sweetheart giving the order to have them incinerated and starting to walk away really seems like you wanted them dead and then going from ordering Omega to be executed to telling Hunter that if he cares about her he should let her go and be safe away from them??? You can’t tell me that Bracca!Crosshair wouldn’t have dragged Omega back into the training room and killed her right there just to keep them from choosing her over him. So let’s just assume for now that Crosshair wasn’t lied to and his chip is out (I’m still holding onto a scrap of hope to the contrary because A. there’s no scar B. HE’S STILL HOLDING HIS HEAD and C. my boy isn’t making any SENSE he just killed off a bunch of Imperial stormtroopers to convince the Batch to join his Empire that he cares so much about??) it had to have happened after Bracca I said what I said idc. If the chip is out, I’m sure his head is still an absolute foggy mess because lord only knows what cranking those chips up to full strength several times will do to you, but suddenly he’s realizing that he’s still angry with them. He’s still hurt. He’s still very much alone. Maybe they never cared about him at all.

And don’t get me started on any “if he did any of this willingly he is irredeemable” garbage. How many times did Kallus almost kill the Ghost crew?? I’m sorry, was it not Kallus who ordered the Lasat genocide?? Don’t take this the wrong way, I adore Kallus and his redemption arc was one of the most beautiful things about Rebels but the point is if he can do all of those horrible things for the Empire for years and is still allowed a redemption stemming from realizing everything he thought he was fighting for was a fiction, THEN SO IS CROSSHAIR. With that side note out of the way let’s think about how alone and betrayed Crosshair feels by the Batch and let’s realize that after they left Ryloth, after they left him again, what does he want?? He wants them. He doesn’t want to kill them, he doesn’t want them imprisoned and he doesn’t want to make them pay. He wants to fight side by side with them again, he wants his brothers back. And even though he’s so beyond hope that they still care about him, heck he literally said “don’t make the same mistake twice; don’t make me your enemy” he thinks they were enemies and he still cares about them so freaking much that he went through an entire elaborate scheme to get the whole Batch on Kamino and set up the stormtroopers’ deaths to prove his loyalty that they could have if they just gave him some of their loyalty too. “Loyalty means everything to the clones” is starting to get a really bitter taste innit??

The point of this longwinded rant my friends is to beg y’all to stop being so black and white about these two. They’re both human, they both have made mistakes and have regrets, they’re both trying their best to survive in a galaxy flipped upside down. Things played out how they had to and they’re both victims of the real villain of Star Wars, who has always been Palpatine. The fact that there is so much to unpack with these two characters shows how flipping amazing the writers are!! They’re so layered and complex it’s literally like they’re real!! So please. Stop hating on them so freaking loudly. They’re my boys and they both deserve a warm hug and a nap after the season they’ve had

[thearvariblues]

The Mysterious Case of Jaskier's Immortality

Word count: 3601

*

“So nice to see you again, Yennefer,” Jaskier says, putting on one of his many fake smiles.

“Jaskier,” she replies with a smile that almost looks genuine but Jaskier is pretty sure that it’s not. Which she confirms a few seconds later by saying: “Shouldn’t you be dead already?”

“I see you’re as kind as always, my dear. But don’t you worry, Geralt is doing a very good job when it comes to protecting me.”

“Hm,” Geralt sighs resignedly, clearly regretting his decision to spend the night in an inn instead of the middle of a forest.

To be fair, it was Jaskier who suggested it, claiming that he refused to be eaten by angry drowners, no matter how many times Geralt tried to explain to him that the probability of finding a drowner in the middle of a very dry forest is extremely low.

If Jaskier knew they were going to run into Yennefer in the inn, he would have risked the drowners.

“I don’t doubt that,” Yennefer smirks. “But seriously, how old are you, bard?”

“No idea. I stopped counting after fifty, I think.”

“You know, you don’t look fifty,” she says.

“Oh, well, my mother had an elf lover before I was born, so there’s a fifty-fifty chance that I’m not gonna age anytime soon. Sorry,” Jaskier smiles again, sweetly – and this time, it’s genuine.

“As if,” Geralt grunts.

“I’m sorry, dear?” Jaskier blinks.

“Come on, Jaskier, it doesn’t work like that. You’re a viscount, that means your father must have been a viscount, too.”

“You don’t know much about nobility, do you, Geralt?” Yennefer snorts.

“Hm,” Geralt grunts. “Still, he’s not a half-elf.”

“Let me guess, you’re a Witcher, therefore you could smell it if I was? I hate to break it to you, dear heart, but you’re going to have your nose checked.”

“You’re not a half-elf, Jaskier,” Geralt repeats. “You’re not immortal, you just… look young.”

“Yeah, right, you got me,” Jaskier shrugs. “I just look good because I moisturize. Happier now?”

“Much,” Geralt nods. “See? You can be honest if you want.”

“Yup,” Jaskier nods. “Honesty personified. Now please excuse me, I need to go and moisturize some more. Internally. With ale.”

*

“I’m actually a mermaid, you know?” Jaskier grins the next time he’s asked, this time by a very confused and very old Valdo Marx.

“A siren, Jaskier. Not a mermaid,” Geralt sighs, praying to Melitele to give him strength. “And you’d know that, of course, if you actually were a siren.”

“Just so you know, the term siren is actually quite offensive to my people.”

“You mean idiots?” Geralt chuckles. “You’re not a siren, Jask.”

“Can you prove that I’m not?”

“Well, last week you tripped and fell into this creek that was like… knee-deep, and you nearly drowned.”

“I was in shock!” Jaskier proclaims dramatically. “But I have a proof that I am, or at least could be a siren.”

“What proof?”

“Well, my lovely voice, of course!”

“Not as lovely as you think it is,” Valdo Marx snorts.

“Come on, Jaskier,” Geralt sighs, ignoring the old troubadour. “You have much better voice that any siren I’ve ever heard.”

“Geralt of Rivia!” Jaskier gasps, clutching his chest. “Was that a compliment?!”

“Fuck,” Geralt mutters. “I didn’t mean…”

“Really though, Jaskier,” Valdo says. “How?”

“That’s a secret I’ll take to the grave, I’m afraid,” Jaskier grins. “Once I manage to reach it.”

“Keep on with the bullshit, Jaskier,” Geralt growls, “and you can reach it tonight.”

“Fifty years traveling with him, and he still thinks he can scare me. Cute, isn’t he?” Jaskier laughs. “Oh, Geralt you could never.”

“Try me.”

*

“All right, I’ll tell you my secret,” Jaskier winks at Ciri, who lifts an eyebrow. “I’ve got this neat… magic ring.”

“Hmmm,” Ciri observes. “Looks like a normal signet ring to me.”

“Well… Yeah, well, it looks like it, all right, but actually–”

“Jaskier, I was born a princess. This is clearly a Pankratz family signet ring.”

“Damn,” Jaskier groans. “Like father like daughter, eh?”

“Sorry,” Ciri shrugs.

*

“I got myself cursed.”

Triss Merigold lifts an eyebrow.

“Somebody cursed you to live forever, is that so?” she asks and her voice is almost dripping with disbelief.

“More like cursed me,” Geralt murmurs.

“Oh, shut up, Witcher, you know you couldn’t live without me,” Jaskier smiles brightly, and Geralt has to bite his cheek to stop himself from smiling back.

“Hm,” he says instead.

“Eloquent as ever,” Jaskier nods.

“Would you like me to...” Triss clears her throat. “You know, try to lift the curse?”

“No!” Geralt yells before he can stop himself.

“See?” Jaskier beams. “You could never live without me!”

*

“A bruxa,” Jaskier repeats to a young man who claims to be his son, but looks older than his supposed father.

“You’re not a bruxa, Jaskier!” Geralt whines.

“Excuse me, and how would you know?”

“Because I’m a fucking Witcher?!”

“Well, you’re clearly a fucking horrible Witcher if you haven’t noticed until now!”

“I think I’d notice if you tried to sneak out of the camp at nights to feed,” Geralt comments, crossing his hands. “You can’t even sneak out to take a piss, Jask.”

“Maybe I do that on purpose!”

“Besides, bruxae are mostly women.”

“Mostly being the important word here.”

“Fuck’s sake, Jaskier. You won’t even eat a piece of meat if it’s not so well-done that it’s almost cremated.”

“Do you know how disgusting the blood is, Geralt?!” Jaskier groans, and then immediately blinks when he realizes what he just said. “I meant…”

“Case closed,” Geralt nods, satisfied.

“Oh, dear,” Jaskier mutters. “I fucking hate you sometimes.”

“Uhm, my lords, if I may,” the young man says.

“Hate to break it to you, kid, but if you’re aging like a normal human, you’re probably not my son,” Jaskier shrugs. “Sorry. I get it why your mum might be confused, though. It was quite a night, with at least four–”

“And that’s enough,” Geralt says, grabbing Jaskier by the collar and pulling him away from the man. “You know, lifting the curse seems like a good idea now.”

“There isn’t really a curse, Geralt,” Jaskier laughs.

Geralt sighs, his lips curling into a tiny smile that Jaskier cannot see.

“Thank fuck.”

*

“You see, we were in a crazy mage’s tower and I saw this bottle and I thought it was slivovitz, so I drank it, but it seems that it actually was some sort of an immortality potion,” Jaskier explains to a lady at the ball, whose grandmother he’d apparently fucked once, when said grandmother was still a young, unmarried woman.

Geralt only blinks, because it’s the first truly plausible explanation for Jaskier’s mysterious immortality.

“Oh, that must be so horrible to watch everyone you love die!” the woman nods enthusiastically. “Perhaps you’d like to tell me about it in private?”

“Of course, my dear…” Jaskier smiles. “Just… wait a second. How old is your mother?”

“Forty-seven, why?”

Jaskier’s lips are moving silently for a few seconds while he counts, and then thy turn into a wide grin.

“No reason, dear,” he says, offering her his arms. “Shall we?”

When Jaskier and the lady flee the ball, Geralt pulls out his flask of White Gull and pours its contents into his empty tankard.

So, a potion…

*

“There is no such thing as an immortality potion, Geralt,” Yennefer shakes her head.

“How can you be so sure?” Geralt asks. “Maybe this mage really did find a way to at least make the human life longer!”

“And why would he do that?” Yennefer scoffs. She has been doing that a lot since she finally ended their relationship for good about twenty years ago. (He later found out that she had left him for none other than Triss Merigold, but Yennefer still doesn’t know that he knows, and he’s having way too much fun with it to break the fact to her. So right now, he is pretending he doesn’t notice that Triss is eavesdropping on their conversation behind the door leading to Yennefer’s bedroom, and that he absolutely believed Yen when she claimed that the loud thud a few minutes ago was caused by a cat.) “We are immortal, Geralt, unless killed. There is no reason for any of us to make a potion that would make a human live forever.”

“Well, perhaps this mage fell in love with a human and wanted them to stay with him!”

Yennefer pauses, inspecting Geralt from head to toe and back again, and then she sighs.

“Oh, Geralt. Really?”

“Really what?” Geralt blinks, genuinely confused.

“Oh,” Yennefer murmurs. “Oh, no. Really?”

“Really what, Yen?”

“You mean you don’t… Oh, dear gods. Really?”

“Yen, I swear that I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Geralt grunts, frowning.

Yennefer rolls her eyes and tries counting to ten to calm herself down. She doesn’t even get to three before Geralt’s eyes go wide.

“Oh,” he whispers. “Fuck.”

“Fuck, indeed, Geralt,” she nods solemnly. “Fuck, indeed.”

*

“I found a djinn, he granted me a wish,” Jaskier says when Geralt asks him, about five minutes after his meeting with Yennefer. (He agreed to use a portal to get to the bard as soon as possible. A fucking portal!) The bard is sitting in a tavern and eating his dinner, utterly undisturbed by the sudden appearance of an angrier-than-usual Witcher.

“You never mentioned a djinn,” Geralt growls. “And after your last encounter with one, I sincerely doubt you’d engage with another.”

“You clearly don’t know me at all–”

“Besides, Valdo Marx, as far as I know, had an apoplexy while fucking a young student on his desk, and I don’t think you’d ever let him die like that if you had a choice.”

“You see, that was kind of a my mistake, since I didn’t specify the time and the circumstances of his apoplexy in my wish, so…”

“What was your third wish?”

“Pardon me?”

“Your immortality, Valdo Marx dropping dead, that’s two. What was the third one? And don’t even try to mention the Countess de Stael, since you’d have to dig her up first.”

“That was disgusting, even for you, you know that, Geralt?”

“How are you immortal, Jaskier?!”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

Jaskier puts a piece of bread in his mouth and grins.

“Maybe some other time, Witcher.”

*

“I am a fae,” Jaskier replies a day later.

“You’re not a fucking fae, bard.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because you fucking lie, Jaskier. All the time.”

“Fuck. Didn’t think of that.”

*

“You see, there was this artifact–”

Geralt closes his eyes, turning Roach around.

“Let’s consult Yennefer about this.”

“Oh, mother of…” Jaskier whines. “All right, no artifact, there was no artifact! Geralt, I’m telling you, there was no…”

*

“You’re not a succubus.”

“But it would be a perfect explanation, wouldn’t it?”

“You’re not succubus, because if you were, you’d know that a male one is called an incubus.”

“Oh, you and your stupid Witcher terms again.”

“You’re not an incubus, Jaskier, because if you were, I could never let you near Eskel.”

“All right… Explain, please?”

Geralt grunts.

“I’d really rather not.”

*

“A dragon,” Jaskier grins victoriously.

“No,” Geralt says, shaking his head.

“No,” Jaskier agrees with a sigh.

“You know you could just tell me the truth and be done with it, right?”

“Hm… No.”

*

“All right, enough is enough,” Jaskier growls that night in their rented room, tossing his doublet aside. “You’ve asked me three times today, Geralt. Why the sudden interest in my immortality?”

“As you said, enough is enough. You’ve been traveling with me for what, a hundred years?”

“A hundred and four.”

“Yes, and you still look the same as the day I met you in Posada!” Geralt growls. “And it drives me mad!”

“It wasn’t driving you insane for at least fifty years, so why the sudden change of heart?”

“Fuck off, bard. You don’t have to tell me. I don’t care.”

“But you do, Geralt,” Jaskier says, taking a step towards the Witcher. “Why?”

He’s standing in Geralt’s personal space, his chemise half undone, and he’s watching Geralt with those sincere blue eyes, and Geralt can’t fucking think…

“Because I love you, you idiot!” he snaps. “Because I fucking love you and I need to know if I can love you, or you’re gonna just drop dead one day without a warning!”

“Oh,” Jaskier whispers, his lips forming into a huge, happy smile. “Oh, fucking finally.”

“Fucking… what?” Geralt blinks, his arms suddenly full of an enthusiastic bard.

“I love you too, you silly Witcher,” Jaskier laughs. “I’ve loved you for a hundred years! Well, a hundred and four, but who’s counting?”

“You…” Geralt mutters.

“Silly, silly Witcher,” Jaskier repeats, pressing his lips against Geralt’s in a kiss that could be described as chaste, or at least the chastest Jaskier has ever been capable of. “We’re going to Lettenhove in the morning.”

“We are?”

“Oh, yes,” Jaskier whispers. “See, I’ve told you the truth about the source of my immortality once. But I think you need to see it to believe me.”

“Wait, you have? When?” Geralt asks. “Was it the artifact? Just tell me, I promise I won’t make you consult it with–”

“Shut up now,” Jaskier says, kissing Geralt again with way less chastity than before. “And in the meantime, believe me this – you can keep loving me, and I’m not planning on dropping dead anytime soon. Also, I’ve spent the last hundred years imagining fucking you senseless, so if you’re not opposed to the idea, perhaps we could, well…”

The kiss that this idea gets him is as far from chaste as one could possibly get.

And Jaskier definitely isn’t about to complain.

*

“You sure this is a good idea?” Geralt asks as they march towards the Lettenhove castle’s gates. He tugs at his doublet’s collar, way too tight for his liking. He’d much rather walk in there wearing his usual attire, but Jaskier insisted that Geralt must look presentable if he wants to meet his family.

It turns out that it only takes a single I love you to turn the bard into a manipulative bastard. Who would have guessed?

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Jaskier replies, grinning cheerfully. “And stop frowning, you’re gonna scare the servants, love.”

“How long it’s been since your last visit here, Jaskier?” Geralt says, his frown deepening. “Who rules Lettenhove now, hm? Aren’t you only going to be a distant relative, a great-great-uncle risen from the grave?”

“I sure hope not,” Jaskier chuckles, stopping in front of the guards by the gate. “Good afternoon, gentlemen. Viscount Julian, here to see the Viscountess Madeleine.”

“How can you still be a viscount?” Geralt blinks when one of the guards promptly disappears inside.

“We kind of decided to, you know, share the title,” Jaskier shrugs. “Seemed fair. Besides, father, well, the former viscount, insisted that I inherit the title, but he never mentioned anything about Mads not inheriting it, so…”

“How could your father have known who the viscount is going to be in almost a hundred years?”

“He really didn’t,” Jaskier chuckles. “See, it will all start to make sense once you meet her.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping for.”

*

The guard returns a few minutes later, telling them that the Viscountess will meet them in the garden.

Geralt, knowing a thing or two about nobility, think it’s a little weird, but isn’t about to protest. He only thinks he could have left the fancy clothes at the tavern.

“Oh, shut up, you,” Jaskier chuckles when Geralt voices this thought. “You look gorgeous.”

“I know. You’ve mentioned it a few times. But I didn’t have to look like that, because we’re going to meet the ruler of this land in a fucking garden, and–”

“Julian!”

A woman in a long white dress throws herself at Jaskier, who happily catches her. Geralt’s first instinct is to reach for his sword, only to realize that he (luckily) left it in the tavern – because Jaskier insisted, of course.

“Madeleine,” Jaskier chuckles. “You haven’t aged a day.”

“Oh, yes. Shocking, isn’t it?” she laughs, pulling away from him, and for the first time, Geralt truly looks at her.

The woman is shorter than Jaskier, slim, and her dress is much, much simpler than Geralt would have expected considering the fact that is supposed to be a viscountess. She has dark, long hair and her face is so beautiful that it almost – but only almost – takes the focus off her pointed ears.

“Lady Madeleine,” Jaskier grins, “may I introduce Geralt of Rivia, my Witcher. Geralt, this is Lady Madeleine, the current ruler of Lettenhove and my younger sister.”

“You’re…” Geralt blinks.

“A half-elf, yes,” she nods. “Julian! You haven’t told him?”

“Hardly my fault. I really tried,” Jaskier shrugs. “But he just wouldn’t believe me.”

“So you brought him here to prove it to him, rather than to visit your beloved sister? You are a horrible, horrible sibling, Julian!”

“Your… sister,” Geralt mutters, all his thoughts speeding through his head, colliding and falling down, one over another.

“Yes, we definitely share a mother,” Jaskier confirms. “Most likely a father, too, and trust me, it wasn’t the old viscount. Madeleine got the elvish looks, I only got the non-aging bit. Well, apparently.”

“But…” Geralt blinks. “Your father. The title.”

“Yen was right, dear heart, you really don’t know shit about nobility,” Jaskier snorts. “But I admit that even though our dear departed noble father knew that Mads wasn’t his daughter, obviously, it never occurred to him that I might not be his true son.”

“But you don’t age!”

“In his defense, that only became clear after his unfortunate passing.”

“And you aren’t going to start to age anytime soon,” Geralt mutters. “You really aren’t.”

“Told you so, didn’t I?” Jaskier winks, letting go of his sister and wrapping his arms around his lover instead.

“I… I…” Geralt stammers. “Fuck.”

“Maybe later, love,” Jaskier smiles. “Madeleine, my dear, wouldn’t you say that my return calls for a feast?”

“Absolutely. In fact, I have started the preparations the second my spies informed me that you have crossed the border.”

“Oh, so we have spies now?”

“It’s really only a net of nosy old ladies, but it works wonders,” Madeleine laughs. “I must admit, though, that I was only planning a feast to celebrate you coming home, but now I see we have a much better reason to party. Tell me, brother, did you finally get your stupid Witcher?”

Jaskier smiles brightly, turning his head to Geralt.

“Yes. I finally got my stupid Witcher.”

“Party,” the Witcher in question growls. “Is that why you made me dress like a pompous prick?”

“No, that was because while I find your usual self extremely attractive, you still look much better when your hair is properly combed and you’re not covered in monster blood.”

“Hm,” Geralt hums, but wraps his arm around the bard to hold him close.

“Oh, yes, about monsters,” Madeleine says with the most innocent expression Geralt has seen since Ciri broke Vesemir’s favorite vase at Kaer Morhen. “You see, we have a tiny problem with a cockatrice…”

“Right,” Geralt nods. “I’ll go grab my armor from the tavern.”

“That won’t be necessary. I have already arranged for your things to be brought to the castle. And your horse,” she adds before Geralt can even open his mouth. “You can leave for your quest as soon as the servants get here.”

“So much for you not being covered in monster blood,” Jaskier sighs.

“Hm,” Geralt grins. “Lady Madeleine, I suppose you happen to have a bathtub somewhere in the castle?”

“Of course. In fact, there is a private bathroom right next to Julian’s bedroom.”

“Geralt of Rivia,” Jaskier purrs. “You know me so well.”

“Yes, and I expect to get to know you even better. In another hundred years or so.”

Jaskier laughs, pulls Geralt closer to him and kisses him.

“Another thousand years, I’d say.”

*

“What… the… fuck?!” Geralt croaks, staring at the smouldering remains of the cockatrice that would have surely killed him if Jaskier… If Jaskier…

The bard looks at his hands, then at the cockatrice, and then back at his hands again.

“Geralt? I have a feeling that I’m not really… A half-elf.”

“No shit.”

“I think I might be… Uhm…”

“Oh, shit,” Geralt whispers.

“I suppose, uhm, you know…” Jaskier stammers, wiping his palms on his trousers like he could wipe away the feeling of literal flames shooting out of them mere moments ago.

“Yeah. We’re gonna have to consult this with Yen.”

“Splendid,” Jaskier sighs. “Can it at least wait after the feast?”

“After more than a hundred years of you not even knowing, I think one feast will be fine.”

“Thank the gods. Madeleine would kill me if I tried to leave now,” Jaskier chuckles. “Let’s go, then. We need to get the fried monster remains out of your hair.”

“You’re… I was fucking right! You’re not a half-elf!”

“Yeah, you’re a great Witcher,” Jaskier nods, grabbing Geralt’s arm and dragging him away from the monster. “Didn’t notice I was secretly a fucking mage, but otherwise a great Witcher.”

“Explains a lot, though.”

“Does it now?”

“Yeah. I always had a thing for mages, you know.”

“Oh, Geralt. You’re such a fucking idiot,” Jaskier chuckles.

“Made you laugh,” Geralt shrugs, smiling.

Jaskier shakes his head.

“I’m so, so gonna drown you in that bathtub.”

“My love,” Geralt grins, “you’re more than welcome to try.”

***

Tagging @lottelorelei - I’m sorry I always forget to reply to your lovely comments, but believe me, they always put a big smile on my face! :)

[c-rose2081]

Starchild || 14. Healing

(Disney Z-O-M-B-I-E-S)

—

—

-

“Zed?”

Zed paced to one side of the cave.

“Zed.”

He then proceeded to pace back, worriedly rubbing the nape of his neck all the while. His hands smelled distinctly of sewer from how much he was actually sliming out of pure stress.

“Dude,” Wyatt insisted for the third time, almost having to yell in order to get Zed to glance up at him, “your pacing isn’t helping my stomach. You’re making me seasick.”

Zed normally would’ve said something snarky, but didn’t have the energy. It felt like every part of him had been seeped of it’s drive to do anything but pace from one end of the wolf den to the other. It had been a few hours since Wynter kicked him out of the side cave to start patching up A-ddison’s wounds. So far, he hadn’t heard anything but the distant, echoing, horrible sound of screaming. The logical side of him knew that A-ddison wasn’t in any danger; the Wolves had to stitch up her cuts in order to clean and wrap them. They lived in the woods — there was no anesthesia out here. The stitching had to be done by hand, which meant pain was a guarantee. But the illogical (angry) side of him wanted to rush up and tear apart anyone who dared touch his girl.

It was a difficult balance to keep. And, with what had happened at the game only a few hours ago, Zed didn’t want another episode to occur. He didn’t actually know how the town felt about his little display of monsterism. But from the short phone call to Eliza earlier that morning, it wasn’t any good for his reputation. Sending his best friend — his very blunt and somewhat overly forward best friend — to communicate what happened to A-ddison with Mayor Wells probably wasn’t the brightest choice either. But he didn’t exactly have the woman on speed dial, nor planned to leave the Den until A-ddison did. So Eliza got to play messenger, and he stayed pacing the length of the cave.

Most of the Werewolves had already gotten used to his presence in their territory, and continued on with their lives. Others seemed to take pleasure in watching him walk around in circles; many of them younger, wide eyed wolves who probably had little to no experience with Zombies. And then of course there was Wyatt, who Willa had also chased out of the side chamber (apparently the process was ‘girls only’). So the two had been waiting together for hours, Wyatt perched up on his ledge whittling a log with his nails, while Zed continued to walk an entire marathon below.

“She’s going to be fine,” Wyatt insisted again, resting on his knees and looking down at where Zed was circling, “Willa and the elders know what they’re doing.”

“I trust you guys more than any human doctor,” Zed admitted shallowly, raking both hands through his hair so it stood up properly, “I just…I caused this. I should be up there.”

“You’d just be in the way. Besides, you couldn’t control what you are,” Wyatt said again, “so you can’t blame yourself.”

“I can, and I will. Because it was my choice to hack my z-band. If I didn’t, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“We’re monsters, Zed. It’s in our blood to be what we are, whether we like it or not.”

“Maybe. But at least you have some control over yours,” Zed grumbled, flexing his arm which was still aching from the pain of his z-band malfunctioning, “I can’t just…be myself without this holding me back. But without it, I’m a danger to everyone and everything.”

“I don’t think A-ddison would see it that way.”

“A-ddison probably doesn’t want to see me at all,” Zed snapped harshly, blanching at the mere idea of Addy cowering from him in fear, “I’m the one who did this to her. I’m a monster, Wyatt. She’s probably scared of me.”

“So this is how you repay her courage? By pitying yourself?” Wyatt scoffed, “Zed, I saw the whole thing. She was going to stop you from making a huge mistake, even if it killed her. She wasn’t afraid.

“But I couldn’t even control myself. I was just so angry, and I felt like I was starving…”

“Zed, dude, you’re a Zombie. There are no brains in that head of yours when you’re totally monstered out. It’s not your fault.”

“Thanks for that pep talk,” Zed grumbled, “I have plenty of brains in my head, you know.”

“Yeah, now,” Wyatt laughed, “look, man. I haven’t known A-ddison very long, but I have a feeling that she doesn’t scare as easily as you think she does. The girl took on a rampaging Zombie, and three Werwolves in a single night. You should’ve seen her out in the forest — she was…ferocious. Even Willa had to admit it.”

A-ddison and the word ‘ferocious’ didn’t really click in Zed’s mind. After all, he had only ever seen Addy as gentle, sweet, and curious. But then, there was still a lot he didn’t know about her. It had only been a week or so now since she came, though it felt like so much longer. He certainly didn’t think he could fall head over heels in love with someone that quickly either, yet here he was. Still stuck at a crossroads: wanting to protect A-ddison from his world in order to get her back to where she belonged; yet, also wanting to be selfish — just this once — and have her love all to himself. Life was never as simple as he wanted it to be, and it made him want to put his head through a wall.

Running a frustrated hand across his jaw, Zed groaned and turned to pace again, but the sounds of footsteps stopped him.

“Zed,”

Willa didn’t need to say anything else. Zed was at her side in a second, undead heart racing in his sand-packed ribs.

“Is A-ddison ok?” He gasped, fighting the urge to run past the Alpha wolf and check for himself, “Willa? Is she ok?”

“She’s just fine, Zed,” Willa nodded easily, “Pup’s completely exhausted, and will probably be sore for a while, but she took the stitches as well as any Wolf. The wounds can begin properly healing now.”

“And…the poison? Is she still sick?”

“It’s almost entirely faded now. The Moonstone has been helping keep her strong to fight the infection off on her own. There may be some lingering wooziness, but that’ll be gone by tomorrow,” Willa explained, “A-ddison said you worried to much. Now I know what she means.”

“Does…can I…” Zed swallowed thickly, a bubble of fear rising into his throat, “does she want to see me?”

“That’s a stupid question,” Willa snorted, tossing her head, “of course she does. Just be gentle with her, ok? And if she falls asleep, don’t panic.”

“Ok,”

Zed moved to head inside, only to be stopped by Willa grabbing his arm.

“One more thing. Your eyes need to stay up here,” Willa made a motion across her collar bones, almost like she was threatening to cut his throat, “got it?”

“Uh, yeah?”

Willa stared intensely at him for a moment, but soon released her firm grip, heading back down into the cave to converse with her brother. Zed shook his head in confusion and exhaled heavily. He didn’t know exactly what the Alpha was referring too about his eyeline, at least, not until he pushed the curtain to the chamber aside and nearly tripped. A-ddison was propped up with a few balled up fur blankets, but only half of her body was hidden in blankets. She was thankfully covered in all the areas that needed to be, but catching sight of her bare stomach made Zed go totally stupid for a second.

He hadn’t realized how many body markings she had.

It wasn’t just the few on her face and collar, but he could see stripes curling around towards the center of her stomach from her back. Each breath made her ribs press up against the skin, and flex the musculature under the milky flesh. But, with each rise and fall, A-ddison also shuttered with pain. A patch of cotton and burlap had been securely placed over where Zed knew her wounds to be. Redness from the poison still peeked out from around its edges. Willa was right though; the black veins which had been prominent when he arrived were now almost gone. Only a few patches were still visible up the side of A-ddison’s neck.

Sitting on her collarbone was the Moonstone pendant, one Zed knew not to mess with unless he wanted to get the snot beat out of him by an entire Den of wolves. So he shuffled forward, trying not to be loud as it seemed as though Addy had already fallen back asleep. He’d just sat down on an overturned crate when her eyes parted. Once again — as they always seemed to do — piercing blue irises sliced straight to his heart. It twisted painfully; he expected to see fear in those eyes. Fear of the monster he was, because he had put A-ddison here. He had scratched her…he had somehow injected his poison into her skin.

“…Zed…?”

Her voice was weak and shaking. He couldn’t look at her. Zed stared at his open palms instead, studying them.

“Zed, please look at me.”

“…I can’t,” he croaked weakly, dropping his head, “I-I’m so sorry A-ddison. I’m so, so sorry.”

“…no…” Addy shifted where she lay, whimpering in pain as she did. This caused Zed to glance up at her, leaning forward to keep her from moving.

“Stop,”

“No. Because you’re blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”

A-ddison continued to struggle, breathing faster and harsher with each movement. Zed wasn’t sure what else to do but wrap his arms around her. He stood from his crate, lowering himself down to sit with her on the bed of fur pelt. She fit perfectly against his chest, half of her torso propped up against him, while the other was nestled into his hip.

“Will you stop moving now?” Zed pleaded with her, “please?”

“It wasn’t your fault,” A-ddison insisted again, struggling to catch her breath as both antennae flickered white from (what Zed assumed was) exhaustion, “I saw…in your mind. I looked. You were fighting so hard not to hurt me.”

“But I did anyway,” Zed mumbled, tracing his thumb along the outside of the makeshift bandage. This caused A-ddison to physically shutter, and gasp a bit in pain. Zed instantly moved his hand, though he wasn’t sure where else to put it but near her hipbone, “I’m dangerous. Always have been. I can dress up as a human all I want. I can win as many football games as I want, and go to as many parties. But the minute this thing comes off?” Zed shook his z-band in frustration, “I’m suddenly nothing more than a monster.”

“You can’t help that,” A-ddison whispered, resting her head on his chest as she toyed with the strings of his sweatshirt, “I can pretend to be human all I want, too. But I’m not, no matter how badly I pretend. It doesn’t make me any less an A-Lurian than when I crashed here.”

“But you’re perfect,” Zed sighed, “you fell from the sky perfect. I’m not.”

“Every living creature is flawed, Zed. My people committed atrocities on the hunt for perfection. And yet so many of us are still…mistakes,” Addy motioned to herself, “it’s just something you learn to love about yourself. Because if you were anything else? You wouldn’t be you.”

“I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting anyone.”

“Maybe. But you wouldn’t be as strong as you are now, or as loyal, or as drop-dead handsome as you are,” Addy insisted, ghosting her hand across his jaw, tracing the bit of it that was missing with two fingers, “you wouldn’t know hardship, or wisdom, or how to fight for what you believe in. You’d just be another ordinary human, living an ordinary human life. Not very inspiring, is it?“

“I just wish I could control it,” Zed frowned, keeping his hands away from A-ddison, only to have her reach for them on her own to grasp the fingers tightly.

“It’s part of who you are Zed,” A-ddison told him faintly, “and I have…a…deep fondness. for that part of you…”

Deep fondness. Zed wanted to know what she meant, but didn’t get the chance to ask. A-ddison had dropped off, just like Willa warned him she might. But her markings were glowing faintly under the power of the Moonstone, and her breathing came deep and easy — if not a bit shuttered from the stretching of freshly stitched wounds. And so Zed merely took in her words, rolling over them in his mind as he gently brushed through her pale hair with the hand currently not held captive by her own.

Eliza had always told him to have pride in being a Zombie. Yet she was the one who encouraged him most to be something he wasn’t. Zed never wanted to change — he was forced too. Forced to adapt, forced to carry burdens that he never asked for. He wanted to play football to make his dad proud, not to free zombie-kind from prejudice. And yeah, he was happy that they were better off now, but at what cost? His own life? His own desires?

But with A-ddison here, he felt…different. He didn’t want to carry the burdens of Zombietown behind him; he wanted to carry Addy’s. Zed could tell there was still quite a bit about her past she had yet to share with him; he could feel it in his gut. She knew far to much about the situation he was in not to have some sort of experience. And sure, she had told him about not fitting in with her extra-terrestrial peers, but how far did that communal dissonance go?

Why was A-ddison here to begin with?

It didn’t feel like she had come all this way just to buzz a planet which she’d heard about in stories. To Zed, thinking on all that Addy had told him, it felt like she was…searching for something. And when she lost her Grandma — the one person who understood her — the loneliness or grief finally tainted her judgement. Zed felt like that when he lost his Mom. Sure he loved his Dad, but his mom always had a way with words. Kind of like Addy, now that he thought about it. She always had some piece of wisdom to share, or some shred of advice which could get him going in the right direction.

How long had Zed just been tromping through life with no purpose other then carrying others? When was the last time he had actually been open and willing to carry the burden for someone else, rather then having it forced on him?

It felt like A-ddison had swooped in and took so much weight off him. He could breathe for the first time in years. He wanted to change for her; he wanted to be better for her. And he wanted to be there…all for her. Because she was the brightest thing in his small little world, and he wanted to be that for her to. Zed loved A-ddison. He loved her, more then he’d loved anything or anyone in his life. The feeling was only comparable to when Zoey had taken her first steps into his arms, or the last happy moments he shared with his Mom. It was honest, true, real love.

Something Zed hadn’t felt in a very long time.

“Zed, what did I say?”

Zed shook from his thoughts, blinking up at Willa who now stood over him.

“She was trying to get up,” he defended immediately, causing the elder Werewolf to lift a brow, “nothing happened.”

“Uh-huh,” the girl drawled, “that’s what they all say. Did you at least get to talk with her?”

“A little bit,” Zed nodded, “I don’t know how she could even forgive me for what I did…”

“A-ddison doesn’t seem like the type to hold grudges,” Willa mused, leaning down to examine Addy’s moonstone to make sure it was still charged.

“So, is she your Great Alpha?” Zed wondered curiously. Willa shrugged her shoulders.

“I always felt that the Great Alpha was more of a metaphorical thing. A story to keep our spirits up in times of doubt.”

“And now?”

“I still couldn’t tell you,” Willa admitted, “but there is something about A-ddison. A pull or something.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Zed chuckled, still brushing through Addy’s long hair as she snoozed on his chest, “so you aren’t going to tell anyone that she’s an alien?”

“No. I made the whole Den swear not to say a word. But Zed, she can’t hide forever.”

“I know,” He mumbled, “do you know if the UFO is still in the forest?”

“It’s not. The z-patrol took it away the day it landed.”

“That is our only chance of getting Addy back home. It feels like the only right thing to do. And the only absolute way of keeping her safe.”

“Will you be able to handle that? Sending her away?” Willa puzzled, “I don’t know your story, or how any of…you know, this…” Willa motioned to them, “happened. But it seems like she’s changed something in you.”

“A-ddison didn’t change anything in me,” Zed admitted shallowly, “I think I already wanted to change myself. I just needed a reason to do it,”

“Hm. So what’s the plan?”

“Right now? Try and patch up what happened at the football game.”

“And then…?”

“And then…I guess try and find a way to gain access to that UFO.”

“Sounds like you’ll need some help,”

“Probably,” Zed nodded, “why, you know some?”

“Yeah,” Willa chuckled, grinning her fangs at him, “I have an army.”

—

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