#and i know im slow but more threads is always nice

[duelheld]

i know i dont usually reblog rp starters and stuff. but if you ever wanna interact, you can always send in something or just talk to me. i wanna interact with everyone but i got so many muses. i usually prefer if people pick which one they want to interact with

[shaunamilfman]

Perv Shauna this, Perv Lottie that. Where is my depraved girl twink representation?

Jackie runs inside her bedroom, slamming the door shut and backing herself against it. She was breathing hard, had she run home? She really didn’t even process getting back to her house, she had tunnel vision. When Jackie finally caught her breath, she slid down the floor to a sitting position, took off her backpack and pulled a sweatshirt that’s all too familiar to her, out of her bag. She clutched the hoodie in both hands, bringing the soft material up to her face, and inhaling your scent.

The truth is, you didn’t really know she had your sweatshirt. Jackie had sat behind you in 10th period History for over half the year now, she was *just* starting to question her sexuality at the beginning of the year, and then along came you. She was constantly smelling your cologne, watching your back and arm muscles flex through your t-shirts, getting an occasional hand graze as you pass the worksheets to her, and Jackie just wasn’t supposed to fall in love? She latched onto you, to an obsessive degree. Desperately trying to refrain from threading her fingers through your hair, drooling as you groan in pleasure when you stretch your back, hearing you speak to friends in the class and pretending all that fondness in your tone was directed at her.

So that day, when she noticed you had accidentally left your favorite sweatshirt behind in class, on the back of your chair right in front of Jackie, she realized she had two options. One, to run the sweatshirt to you before you went to practice, maybe get a chance to have a nice but brief chat, where you’d thank her for making sure your favorite sweatshirt made it back to you. Or option two, take the sweatshirt and run.

And that’s just what she did, she acted on impulse, and now she has something of yours. She has something of yours that’s concrete, something that will make her fantasies more realistic. Because imagining you on top of her, saying and doing all of those sinful things she thinks about, late, late at night, feels all the more genuine if she can smell you and feel your sweatshirt. She could clutch at it, while she touched herself and pretend it was your hands that knew her so well. The smell of your cologne on the hoodie spurred her on to slip a hand into her pants, and begin to play with herself. Her theft had left her turned on since the moment she left the classroom, stuffing your clothing into her bag, all the while thinking of all that she could do with it. She should be ashamed of how wet she was, if she were in the right of mind she probably would be, but she was being driven by the extreme want you produce in her. She muses to herself that you’d probably love the sound of your name on her lips, she tests it out, calling your name quietly to the empty room, hoping she could manifest you n the middle of her room, feeling just as depraved as she was. Jackie touched herself with a torturously slow pace, the way she imagined it, you always took your time with her, no matter how much she pleaded with you. The way you’d pull every “please” from her until she was crying in desperation. Her eyes are rolling back in pleasure as she brings your sweatshirt up to her face and drowns in the ghost of you that haunts the piece of fabric. She’s not even halfway through her favorite fantasy of you before she’s closing her eyes, and finishing with a pathetic moan that’s muffled by the hoodie. Once Jackie is brought back to planet earth, there is only one thing she’s absolutely certain of; You are never seeing this sweatshirt again.

got way too busy to actually answer this but wowwwwwww. im fucking speechless bro honestly. once again i dont think you need to put perv in front of jackie 🤔. i think it's just implied

something about jackie developing a pavlovian response to your cologne after getting off with your sweatshirt all the time. she's sitting behind you in class and is so turned on just from the smell of you. jackie teasing herself silly every night imagining you doing it for her?? she always imagines you so slow and even regardless of how much she begs for it, as if you don't care how much she enjoys it. something about you just touching her however you want really gets her going. jackie getting frustrated with how quickly she's finishing as she breathes in your hoodie so she keeps going with that same slow pace, writhing against her own hand as it gets to be too much. but she just imagines the way you'd keep going even as she begged you to stop. she's so careful not to get her tears on the hoodie, not wanting it to stop smelling like you.

thinking about working on a group project with jackie and she's practically shaking as you sit on her bed talking about the blank check or some shit. "so what do you think?" and jackies just frantically nodding along because she's long gone. finding your hoodie underneath her pillow while she's ran off to the bathroom...

god that was so good broooooooo. holy shit

[trickstarbrave]

i crave validation so i think i’ll keep posting this au on here in more bite sized pieces (bc some of my chapters on ao3 are. astronomically long. good lord)

more reincarnated voryn au. no i dont have a name for this au yet bc im bad at names. yes i am taking suggestions 😭

first part here

--

When Voryn opened his eyes next, he was laying on something soft. Impossibly soft in fact, softer than anything he’d laid on before in his life. He was used to bed rolls or sleeping on nothing but the hard ground in fact, so a comfortable mattress under him was a foreign feeling. 

He groaned softly as he blinked, before a golden hand began to gently wipe his forehead with a cool, damn rag. Voryn sighed softly at the relief that followed, before his eyes moved up to see it was the same stranger who picked up him. 

A warm smile graced the other man’s lips as he looked down at Voryn. 

“You’re awake.” His voice was still soft and gentle, trying hard not to scare him. “You’ve been out for around a day, but it seems like you needed your rest.” He continued to smile, his blue eyes shining brightly. 

Voryn felt his heart skip a beat. He didn’t know exactly why, but he felt like he had seen this man before. It tickled at the back of his mind like a sense of deja vu, but there was no denying the warmth flooding from his heart at the sight of his smile. 

“How are you feeling?” The golden skinned stranger asked, once again wiping his forehead after dipping the rag in the basin of cool water on the nightstand. 

“... Better.” Voryn replied, his voice still raspy. 

“Do any of your injuries still hurt?” The stranger asked. As Voryn took in the sight of him he could see his robes were rather elegant and high quality, the embroidery on them a stunning gold just like his skin. Voryn didn’t know embroidery could even be gold, yet the threads caught in the late morning sun. 

Why had such a well off man decided to help Voryn? It wasn’t like Voryn didn’t know the scorn higher class people had for people dressed like beggars like him. 

Voryn shook his head in response to his question. “They feel… Much better.” The pain had faded significantly as he laid there, comfortable and lax. 

“What’s your name?” The stranger asked, his voice still soft as he brushed some of the dry, brittle hair from Voryn’s face. Voryn turned slightly. Some people reacted badly to his name, though most didn’t equate Dagoth Ur with Voryn Dagoth whom he was named after. 

“...Voryn.” He answered softly. Regardless of if the handsome elf started yelling and kicked him out though, he was thankful to just get a nice drink of water and his injuries bandaged up. 

“Voryn, hm?” The man smiled warmly. “It’s a nice name.” He gave him a gentle pat on the head, before stroking his hair tenderly. Another flutter ran through Voryn’s heart at the tender touch, waves of familiarity washing over him. “My name is Nerevar.” 

“Nerevar…” He didn’t know why, but the name flowed off his tongue with ease, as though he had always known it. “I… Like that name.” 

He didn’t know why, but there was something in him that… Yearned for Nerevar. Like there was something deep inside him aching and aching, only now being noticed as the pain was soothed away by every gentle word from his lips and every soft touch.

Maybe it was just the fever though, making him feel this way. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to hate the pleasant feelings bubbling away inside him.

“Are you able to sit up?” Nerevar asked. “I was going to change the bandages on your back, and it’ll be a lot more comfortable for you if you can. Voryn nodded, trying to push himself up, but his arms felt weak. He groaned as he felt the lashes on his back move, the pain of his injuries now slowly returning.

“Shh…” Nerevar held his arms, firm hands still surprisingly gentle despite the strength Voryn could tell he had. “Here, let me help you up.” Nerevar gently pulled him until he was sitting upright, going slow so as to not cause him unnecessary pain.

Voryn couldn’t remember a time he was treated with such care. Even when he was younger the matron warned him to deal with the pain, as eventually through divinity he would surpass it. Yet, here was someone so kind and gentle with him. Someone who soothed the pain rather than scolding him for reacting to it. 

Nerevar unwrapped the bandages around his torso, moving behind him. He brought out a rag soaked with clean water and began gingerly cleaning the lashes on his back. He hissed in pain as the water stung sharply, but Nerevar rubbed his uninjured shoulder and gently hushed him. 

“It’s alright, I know it hurts.” How were his hands so gentle? Voryn marveled at the sensation. He was used to pain any time someone touched him, or at least discomfort. But Nerevar’s hands were so soft and tender, cleaning him gingerly and with care. “Will holding my hand help?” Nerevar asked, moving the hand on his shoulder to instead loop it around and give Voryn access to it. Voryn took it, nervous about gripping him too tightly when he was being so gentle with him.

“Just squeeze it when it hurts, alright?” Nerevar’s voice was still so soft, clearly trying hard not to scare Voryn. “I’m stronger than you might think, so don’t be afraid.”

The cloth brushed against a particularly raw injury and his grip on Nerevar’s hand tightened. He apologized quickly, before Nerevar hushed him again. 

“I told you, I’m stronger than you might think.” Nerevar gave his hand a gentle squeeze back. “Grip it as hard as you need to.” Nerevar’s thumb brushed against his hand now, attempting to soothe him. “It’ll take a lot more than that to hurt me.”

“I still don’t like the idea of hurting you.” Voryn replied. “You’re… Being so kind to me right now. How can I bear the thought?” Nerevar laughed at that, his voice light and airy, as he continued his work gently cleaning him. The sound made Voryn’s heart race.

“It’s alright, I promise.” Nerevar’s voice was so sweet to his ears, his cheeks heating up. “Do you want something else? You can bite on the blanket if it makes it more bearable.” Voryn quickly shook his head, desperate to keep his hand in Nerevar’s grasp. “This is… Fine.” He wondered if he was being ridiculous or not. He’d never wanted to hold someone else as badly as he wanted to right now. The desire was foreign and out of character for him, but he couldn’t deny it wasn’t wholly unwelcomed. 

It was quiet then, as Nerevar gingerly cleaned every injury on his back, before replacing the bandages with new ones, the only sound being soft humming from Nerevar. The tune was familiar too, gradually making his body feel heavy and his eyes droop. “Why don’t you rest up more?” Nerevar’s voice was soft and gentle as he leaned in close to Voryn, helping him lay down. 

“Wait…” Voryn still didn’t let go of the other’s hand, even as it became hard and harder to keep his eyes open. “Please… Don’t go.” Just as he didn’t know why he found the beautiful mer so familiar, he felt anxious closing his eyes, a sudden fear running through him the other would be gone if he dared close his eyes. 

In response, Nerevar gasped, gripping his hand a bit firmer.

“I won’t leave, alright?” He stroked some of the long hair from his face. “I won’t leave you, Voryn.” The hand moving his hair next came to cup his cheek, and Voryn couldn’t help but nuzzle into it, finding comfort in the calloused palm and gentle touch. 

--

He had a strange dream. Voryn didn’t really remember many of his dreams, instead having them be choked out by the strange incense the cult burned or unable to remember them after being kicked awake on the street, but this one was very… Vivid. 

Voryn was anxious in his dream. Anxious and furious, as he cast healing spell after healing spell.

Nerevar’s arm was bleeding out under his palm, part of the bone exposed, all the while Voryn bit back tears.

“What were you thinking?” Voryn hissed, his voice shaking from rage and sobs. “That was the most stupid, idiotic plan you’ve ever had! You didn’t even tell me what you were doing!” Nerevar winced as he was being scolded, the wound closing up under Voryn’s hands. 

“I’m sorry…” Nerevar apologized, unable to meet his gaze.

“Are you?!” Voryn shouted. “Are you actually sorry?!” He grit his teeth, finally finishing up the healing with no magicka in his system to spare. “If you were sorry you wouldn’t do this to me, Neht!” He was actually crying now, unable to hold back his tears. “I could have lost you, do you even care about that? About what that would do to me?!” 

Nerevar’s hands came up to cup his cheeks, bringing Voryn’s face down to his own, pressing their foreheads together. 

“I didn’t mean to make you worry.” Nerevar continued apologizing, stroking the tears from his skin. “I won’t do anything that risky again.” Voryn grit his teeth again.

“Yes you will.” He held Nerevar’s face too, glaring at him. It was dark in the tent they were in, rain pelting down on it. “You’re reckless, idiotic, arrogant…” Nerevar’s lips smothered the rest of his words with a kiss, warm and passionate.  As much as Voryn wanted to keep scolding him, he didn’t have it in him. He was so very weak to Nerevar’s kisses, his warm mouth desperate for Voryn and only Voryn. He wrapped his arms around Nerevar firmly, kissing back roughly as he pulled Nerevar into his lap. 

When Voryn opened his eyes, he was dazed and confused. 

The dream didn’t feel like a dream should. He felt like he was there, the phantom feeling of Nerevar’s lips on his own. He could still feel the blood on his hands and when he reached up to his face there were tears on his cheeks. 

It was war, he knew that much. What kind of war, he wasn’t certain, but he was there with Nerevar. But that only made it weirder--why was he having such a dream about a man he barely knew? Certain Nerevar was compassionate and stunningly gorgeous, but it felt wrong to be dreaming of such an intimate thing. 

He glanced at his side, noticing there was someone still beside him. Nerevar was sitting in a chair, still holding his hand, asleep while sitting upright. Guilt ran through him in an instant--Nerevar wasn’t even sleeping properly, instead staying like this to watch over Voryn after his delirious request. 

Voryn sat up himself with a groan, nudging Nerevar awake. Blue eyes fluttered open, staring down at him in the light of early dawn. 

“Voryn…?” He asked, sleepily, before yawning. “What do you need?” Nerevar still hadn’t let go of his hand. 

“You should sleep properly.” Voryn answered. 

“You asked me to stay.” Nerevar’s voice was still husky from sleep, a tone that made him shiver. 

“You don’t need to worry about me that much.” Voryn argued. While he was thankful Nerevar had saved him, picked him up from the streets and carried him home to tend to his injuries, that was already more than enough. There was no need to force himself to stay by Voryn’s side and neglect his own wellbeing. “I know it isn’t comfortable to sleep like that.”

“What if I don’t want to leave you alone?” Nerevar asked, something shining in his eyes Voryn could almost recognize, but he instead looked away before he did something stupid. 

“You should take care of yourself.” Voryn scoffed, trying to slide his hand out of Nerevar’s grasp. Nerevar took it again, still looking at him. 

“I don’t want to leave you alone.” Nerevar repeated, his voice a bit more firm. Voryn could almost hear the unspoken ‘again’ at the end of his sentence, despite it not making sense. 

“Why are you so stubborn…” Voryn hissed, before shifting his weight and groaning in pain.

“Lay back down.” Nerevar hushed him, helping ease him into a comfortable position on his side. After he did, Voryn grabbed his arm and held it firmly. 

“Go lay down yourself.” Nerevar glared slightly, a stubborn frown on his face. 

“Fine. After you go back to sleep.” Voryn glared back.

“You’re lying to me right now, aren’t you?” He grumbled, keeping his grip on his arm tight. “You’re going to stay here, and then when I wake up assure me you slept in your own bed properly when you didn’t, you lying little snake.” Nerevar tried to keep up the stubborn glare, but quickly faltered as he instead started laughing loudly, trying to muffle it with his hand as he all but doubled over onto the bed. 

“I-I’m not--” He spoke between laughs, before Voryn tugged on his sleeve a bit harder. 

“Sleep here then.” Perhaps it was too forward, but he couldn’t stand the sight of Nerevar not taking care of himself, especially not after such a terrifying dream. Nerevar stopped laughing at that, looking back at him with a look of surprise and something else Voryn couldn’t quite name. 

“Are you sure?” Nerevar asked, shifting closer to the bed. 

“If you insist on staying here you might as well lay down on something comfortable.” Voryn replied, looking away. “I refuse to have my benefactor sleeping while sitting upright.” 

It took much less prodding than Voryn had expected. Shortly after that Nerevar climbed in beside him, resting his head on the pillow with ease with his back to Voryn. Voryn was also surprised by how natural it felt to share a bed with someone--even when he was younger the matron never comforted him from nightmares that quickly faded from his mind but still left him trembling. He’d expected he’d find it uncomfortable as he did spending time with the rest of the worshipers. But with Nerevar… 

His arms moved on instinct, one slipping around Nerevar’s waist. The golden skinned elf seemed to enjoy the embrace, sighing happily and moving his hand down to hold Voryn’s, stroking his skin. 

“Sleep well, Voryn.” Nerevar murmured.

[petruchio]

Twenty Questions: Fic Author Edition

@caesarflickermans tagged me to do this a little while ago and i'm procrastinating doing some actual writing so here goes

1-How many works do you have on ao3?

ten

2-What's your total AO3 word count?

105,385

3-What fandoms do you write for?

hunger games always! and i wrote a few pjo fics last summer

4-What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we’ll fill our mouths with cinnamon

the birds were singing of you

flowers never bend with the rainfall

under the blossom that hangs on the bough

simple song

5-Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to! sometimes i get overwhelmed when a comment is too nice and i want to give it a thoughtful answer and then i procrastinate answering because i don't feel like i have the energy to be thoughtful enough to show how honestly genuinely grateful i am that someone left the comment and then it spirals and i just never reply lol. but i try to at least say thank you to most people because it really does mean so much to me when people comment on my work

6-What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am a happy ending girlie at the end of the day but probably flowers because like, things are not going to get better in that au

7-What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably simple song because it is just pure self indulgent romance. but maybe my post mj fic too because we know what happens next and it is happy

8-Do you get hate on fics?

hate is a strong word but one time i did write that one short post mj fic and people responded by being like "i don't like this" and i was like ... okay haha. oh and one time someone bookmarked my pjo fic and said it could've been better written but the idea was good and i was like meh i'll take it. (i was actually super offended at the time and i was like fully prepared to delete my entire archive over the comment but im over it now lol.)

9-Do you write smut? If so what kind?

no. i try to kind of fade to black or allude to sex because i do feel like it sometimes has relevancy to the plot but i don't really have an interest in writing it in detail

10-Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no

11-Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no

12-Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13-Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no

14-What's your all-time favorite ship?

katniss/peeta

15-What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

ugh my district 4 au. i have it outlined in such excruciating detail and i have so many scenes that i think would be so fun to write but i just cannot get the beginning to gel and i don't think it ever will

16-What are your writing strengths?

i'm not sure whether to interpret the question as what i think is good *in my writing* or what my strengths are in my process, so i guess i'll try to do both!! i think style-wise i do a nice job of trying to weave the thematic/symbolic threads in my stories together so that they conclude in a way that makes sense from the outset, and i think i have some nice moments of descriptive writing. as far as process, i think i write relatively strong first drafts which definitely makes the editing process more enjoyable

17-What are your writing weaknesses?

style-wise i think i can write some real clunky dialogue (who among us, lol) and i don't always get my pacing right. i also think i have a tendency to repeat certain words or sentence structures too much and i often will skip over things when i am not interested in them and then not edit enough to notice where the story is dragging vs where i'm skipping things. process-wise, i can be slow to think of an initial concept and then when i do have an idea i sometimes get more invested in the outline and the general plot and then i can get very easily bored if the actual writing isn't fun or it's taking a while to get to the scenes i want to write.

18-Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i don't speak any other language with an appropriate degree of fluency so i wouldn't, but i don't think it would really come up in any of my projects

19-First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson <3 my iconic ff.net era

20-Favorite fic you've ever written?

under the blossom that hangs on the bough. it does pretty much everything i set out for it to do and i'm very proud of it. there's a couple lines i would change just because i think i wrote them kind of clunky and awkward but overall i think it's probably my best work.

i'll tag @districtunrest @rosegardeninwinter

[miioouu]

I hope its ok to leave multiple requests for Sunday Sinday?? If so, could I get some Shinso, Dabi, and Bakugo (separately) with a male reader who likes to bite (affectionately), and who likes to make out and/or dry hump them??

If not, I hope you're having a good day, and you can discard this. I won't mind 😊

Hello!! Yes ofc it's ok to send im multiple requests, in fact it makes me happy knowing ppl like my stuff this much! I'm doing this one first tho, cause idk it inspired me! Anyway! Thank you for thirsting with me!! ❤️💜❤️ Warning:smut, biting, dry humping, a bit of a sweat kink (sorry i cant help it), male/gn reader (in bakugou's and shinsou's the gendre is not mentioned)

Bakugou Katsuki 🧡

     You can't help it. He's just sitting there, a book in his hand as the soft orange lighting of the sunset made him look just so ethereal. He's just gotten out of the shower too, his smell is nice, his skin still just a little bit wet. And you can't help it, not when he's just glaring at the pages, his muscles in full sight, and all you want to do is show him just how much you appreciate him. That's why you stalked closer to him, your head resting on his shoulder for a minute, making him look at you briefly, a curious shine in his eyes, but he's used to it, to you antics. That's why you couldn't resist, your teeth sinking in his arm, just a bit to not hurt him, but enough to have a shiver run down his spine. He shifted slightly, from the corner of your eye you could see him settle down his book, only for his hand to run up and down your back, under your shirt creating a trail of goosebumps.

       He didn't always give you a response, he just lets you do whatever you want, whatever makes you happy. But it wasn't the case today though. Today, his arms wrapped around your waist, pulled you into his lap, and crashed his hips into yours. The slow kisses turned into a passionate make out, your fingers trailing from his neck to the back of his head, threading them into his hair and pulling, just a little to have him groan against you. While his rested on your hips, guiding you back and forth, creating the perfect friction between the both of you. Not too much, just enough to leave you begging for more. Your lips left his, went south, nipping at the tender skin of his neck, leaving blues and purples. When his huffs became too much, and his groans and whines too loud his chest heaving, it's when you pulled away, stood up and made your way to your shared bedroom, not forgetting to send him a cheeky wink and starting to run when you saw him angrily standing off and making his way to you...

Shinso Hitoshi💜

     He looks biteable. Especially when he just came back from a training session, dropping his bag as soon as he closed the doot behind him, throwing his head back and stretching, making his shirt ride up just the tiniest bit, giving you a sliver of his abs. He was groaning about not being able to shower at the gym for some reason, in all honesty you weren't paying attention to what he was saying. Instead, you were too focused on that one bead of sweat rolling down his jawline, down his bobbing adams apples, right between his pecs only to disappear underneath his muscle tee. He shot you a quizzical look when you approached him, your hands on his shoulders as you pulled him in, planting a kiss right behind his ears and trailing lower. He tried to push you away "Y/n, I'm sweaty!" but you didn't really mind, and he knew he lost this battle when your nails dug in his arms and when you bite down his neck. His digits massaging your scalp, sometimes pulling you closer, and sometimes pushing you away, just slightly, to take off his shirt, giving you more area to explore.

      No matter how many times you see him shirtless, you still drool over the sight of his pecs. Your tongue lulling out, licking a stripe from his throat down to the top of his abs, and every once in a while you'd bite down, leaving a circle mark of teeth here and there. His hand grabbing your cheeks, pulling you away and making you look at him, his eyes turning a darker shade, a smirk decorating his face "Let's see what else we could use that good mouth for, mm babe?"

Dabi 🖤

     What was this man thinking? He must be doing it on purpose right? Why else is he lounging in your bed half naked, nothing but his boxers keeping his decency? A nonchalant look to him as he scrolled through his phone, but every once in a while, you can feel his intense stare on you, which is making your blood flow south, filling your head with inappropriate thoughts. But maybe that's what he wanted. Why else would he look so sexy, if to not feel your skin against his.

    So when his looks became too many, you've had enough. You stopped whatever you're doing, and made your way towards him. Without even looking up from the device in his hand, he chuckled, aware of your presence. But his laugh didn't last too long, you wrapped your hands around his arms and, with all your might, you pulled him forward so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He's not the only one who's unpredictable. When he was about to voice out his fake annoyance for pulling him away from his comfortable seat, you were quick to shut him up as you got to your knees, right between his bare thighs. It started with soft touches with the tip of your fingers, running up and down his legs, sometimes hovering over the bulge in his underwear. Then slowly, you came closer, your mouth opened to reveal the pinkish red muscle, and he thought you were going to be his good boy, you were going to give him what he wanted. But of course not. Your mouth attached to his muscle, your teeth grazing and teasing his skin, leaving various tones of purples and blues and reds. And when you looked up, his eyelids fluttering, his head thrown back exposing his neck so perfectly above you. Now it's your time to chuckle as you pulled away, straddling his lap now and moving your hips against his. "Aww, you look kinda disappointed Dabi.... What did you think? I was gonna give you want you wanted? Let's switch it up a bit, let's see how good of a boy you can be."

[dont-call-me-baby-posts]

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Chapter 36

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Master List

Word Count: 21K (I'm SORRY)

Warnings: Brief mention of the whole Anders thing. They talk about a lot of ~feelings~ in this one! Also you already know there's a bit of smut sprinkled in because I mean ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(If you want more smut just wait for the next one because, you guessed it, it's gonna be straight fuckinnn)

Summary: Y/N is a successful musician, trying to navigate the world of stardom along with her complicated feelings for her best friend, Harry.

Alternatively: The one where they talk about their feelings and they *don't* have sex.

A/N: IM BAAAAAAAACK! Did ya miss me????????

Besties let me be straight up it has NOT been Molly's hottest few weeks/months/however long its been. Definitely not on my hot girl shit. I can't apologize enough. tbh I don't really like this chapter very much, but I've been trying to write it for so long I just will never be happy with it at this point. Please be gentle with me. also please lmk what you think!!!! Next chapter will be a continuation of this and then we'll have the epilogue chapters which I am actually STOKED about!!!!!!!

Chapter 36

The first thing you noticed when you woke up the next morning was how cold it was. 

The windows had been left open overnight, the thin white curtains of Harry’s bedroom thrashing around with every gust that came into the room. It was one of those moments where waking up seemed to happen in slow motion, where your brain revved to life like the old computer your parents used to keep in the kitchen when you were a kid. You let out an exhausted breath, already aware that you were waking up far too early for how late you’d been up, as your brain just ticked… ticked… ticked. 

Your eyes were somehow dry and wet when you blinked them open, your eyelids scratching against your eyes with every flutter. Your throat was in similar condition, sharp stings radiating down with every swallow. It really was nice leaving the windows open, but you were always reminded of the fact that you had absolutely dreadful seasonal allergies the moment you were pulled out of your slumber. 

Your brain was still cold and slow when you realized the weight on your chest. Once you noticed it there, though, everything came crashing down around you in the most beautiful and tragic way. All of those puzzle pieces you thought about so much came tumbling down from the ceiling and onto the comforter you were wrapped in and you were hit like a mack truck by the sudden realization that you were in Harry’s room. In Harry’s bed. And it was Harry that was weighing down your chest.

You always knew you were a sap, maybe not as bad as someone like Logan who cried over everything, but a sap nonetheless. Still, you were rattled to your core when your very first reaction was a tightening of your throat. You had slept flat on your back, waking up now to find Harry nuzzled onto your chest with a leg thrown over yours. He had one had smooshed between his cheek and your chest, his lips slightly parted with sleep, and the other hand wound around yours, finger threaded together like a cross stitch. He was completely zonked, passed out cold as his head raised slightly with each of your unsteady breaths. 

He was still here. 

You couldn’t have described the feelings that coursed through you if you tried. You were equally parts relieved and devastated. It was beautiful and tragic. It was like you were a whole person again, but on the verge of shattering completely given one more gust of wind through the window to your right. 

It was beautiful because he was here. With you. He hadn’t gotten up to run away in the night, and he hadn’t woken you up to tell you off, either. He looked so peaceful, that soft look on his face you had been longing for and dreaming of for months now. 

It was tragic because, with the events of yesterday officially behind you, you had no way of knowing what today had in store for you. Maybe Harry would wake up with a clearer head, having finally gotten what he wanted out of you. Maybe he would roll over and tell you you needed to leave and not come back, that you needed to call Bethany and go to that house she had finally managed to find for you. 

There was a war waging inside your head less than two minutes after you’d woken up. You replayed every conversation and every interaction from yesterday, and the week leading up to it. You believed, with everything in your cracked and hollow chest, that Harry meant what he said when he said he loved you. You believed that he wanted you to stay and that he had missed you just as hopelessly as you’d missed him. But what if, as much as he meant those things, he ended up having a change of heart? The entire thing was too good to be true and you knew it, so you laid as painfully still as you could, taking breaths so shallow it made your head spin, hoping you could keep Harry asleep just a bit longer. That maybe you could draw this moment out, just for a while. You could stay in this in between, this not-knowing, for even a minute more. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, and you didn’t dare reach for your phone and jostle Harry from his spot wrapped around you. You just laid there, focusing on the sounds of your breathing mixing with his, trying your best to soak in what was left of him. Harry, who was always fleeting. Harry, who was always temporary. Harry, who never seemed to stay for long even when he said he wanted to. You decided silently that you would take what you could get, even if it was only five more minutes with him. If he woke up and it was all over, you could die happy. Because at least you got those five minutes. 

You must have done such a good job pretending to be asleep that you eventually did fall back to sleep, being woken up just as slowly as you’d woken up the first time. This time, though, it wasn’t the sounds of the curtains that wormed their way into your sleep. It was a voice. 

“I missed you so much…” You heard from beside you. The weight that you’d felt earlier was still there on your chest, but this time it was accompanied by a hand on your cheek, barely fluttering against your skin. “Please don’t change your mind when you wake up. I want you to stay, Sunflower. You have to stay, okay?”

His voice was so low you could barely tell if you were hearing him correctly. You sucked in a breath, shifting your body slightly so your face pressed into the pillow. You played it off like you were just wiggling in your sleep, and Harry seemed to fall for it, because his little murmurings only continued. You tried your best to listen, his voice muffled slightly as he brought his words to your neck, almost kissing you but just barely grazing your skin. 

“I’m going to be so much better. I promise I will be.” You could just manage to make out, the feeling of Harry’s mouth on your neck almost distracting enough for you to tune him out entirely and focus solely on the sensation. You could feel him breathing against you, his free hand still holding yours tightly. He spoke for a while longer, all of the words kept secret for only him and the mattress to hear before he laid his head back down on your chest with a little nuzzle. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Sunflower. I missed you so much… Please wake up and be nice to me. Please stay. Please say you’ll stay…”

Eventually his voice trailed off entirely as you continued pretending to snooze, Harry’s hands taking it’s place in soothing every cracked and broken part of you as they skirted across your face and your hands and your arms. He didn’t lay a hand on your chest or abdomen or anywhere on your legs, making sure to keep every touch as gentle and acceptable as possible. You could feel his fingers tracing over the familiar pattern of the freckles on your forearm, connecting the dots as his breathing harmonized with the wind. 

After what felt like an eternity, you couldn’t stand the waiting anymore and let your eyes flutter open again. You didn’t want Harry to know you had heard what he’d been saying, worried you might embarrass him, but you couldn’t stand thinking he was feeling the same way about you as you did about him. Like you might change your mind. Like you might not have meant all of the little, lovesick things you’d mumbled to each other the night before. 

You turned your head to face Harry, who was now completely still on your chest, pressing a kiss onto his forehead. You wondered if he might have fallen back to sleep, but as soon as your lips met the sleepiness of his skin he was turning his chin up towards yours. His eyes were wide like saucers when they looked up to meet yours, his expression a cross between panicked and excited and barely awake. His eyes were still puffy and tired, his cheeks that shade of rose they normally were when he passed out on the couch or took a nap on your lap. He blinked at you for a second before barely letting his mouth turn up in a smile. 

“Hi.” He whispered.

“Hi.” You whispered back.

Things were quiet then, the air of the room moving around you like someone brushing your arm at a party. You both breathed a little unevenly, as if on the edge of some cliff that neither of you were brave enough to be the first to jump off of. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, Harry did the same. 

“You first.” You giggled, trying to squashed the part of your stomach that was twisting and thrashing around with nerves. You didn’t dare lift your hands to touch him, keeping them pressed where they were on either side of you. 

“You first.” Harry parroted, shaking his head softly. His curls fell down onto his forehead, kissing his eyebrows. You sucked in a breath as quietly as you could, wondering if Harry could feel your heart pounding under him. 

“Did you sleep okay?” You settled on asking, not sure what the fuck else you were supposed to say in a situation like this. The unease in the room permeated the blankets and made your legs and hips ache, that same tension that had constricted your blood vessels since you got here back full force as you waited for him to say something, anything. 

“I slept really well, actually.” Harry nodded, lifting himself on an elbow as he let out a yawn. “How did you sleep? You didn’t have any nightmares, did you?”

You were flustered and flattered at the same time when he said it. You shook your head softly. “No nightmares, no. I slept really well.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

Harry’s eyes never left yours, and you had to resist the urge to pry yours away. You couldn’t stand the way he was looking at you, so soft and expectant. So beautiful. It made you sick to your stomach and you tried desperately to think of something, anything to say to him to ease the tightness you felt all over. You wracked your brain, trying to come up with some kind of small talk, only to come up with nothing. You were about to give up entirely, to throw yourself into his chest and just forget talking all together when Harry finally spoke.

“You regret it.” He spit out, suddenly sitting up in the bed next to you. The motion stirred the covers on you, letting a cool blast of air hit your exposed legs. “It’s okay if you do. I’m not mad or anything, I swear. I’ll just, uh, I can call Bethany for you if you want and we can figure something out-”

“What are you talking about?” You shot back just as urgently, sitting up so you were face to face with Harry. He didn’t say anything, his face just silently heating. “I don’t want to leave, Harry. I didn’t- I don’t-” The words caught themselves in your throat, and you had to swallow once to clear the way for them to come out. “I didn’t change my mind.”

Harry’s expression didn’t change, still just as serious and uncomfortable as it had been. “You didn’t?”

“I didn’t.” You agreed. You tucked your hair behind your ears, tugging the blanket up to at least cover your lap. “Did you?”

Harry shook his head violently, reaching out to grab your shoulder. “No! What? No, of course I didn’t!” He promised, yanking his hand away as if he had realized what he was doing. He looked back and forth between his hand and your face for a second, as if in shock. “I promise I didn’t. I meant all of it, everything. I meant every word of it.”

You felt that pain in your throat again, the kind you always got when your neck started to warm with tears. You swallowed it down, not wanting to make an absolute fool out of yourself and have Harry think you were completely crazy. You took too long trying to compose yourself, Harry scooting himself closer to you and reaching out like he might touch you again but stopping just short of making contact. 

“I told you I would only say the things I meant.” He whispered, eyes flickering between the two of yours. “And I meant all of it. Every single thing.”

Your entire body betrayed you as a broken smile made its way onto your face, your spine folding so that you were collapsing into Harry’s chest. His arms were immediately wrapped around you, his hands smoothing over your back and your arms as your eyes continued to water just enough to be noticeable. 

“I meant it, too.” You whispered into his neck, pressing the faintest kiss you could fathom right over his heartbeat. “I don’t want to go, Harry, I don’t. I don’t, I don’t…”

And just like that, whatever invisible wall had been built between you in the night shattered into a million tiny shards, Harry hands engulfing your face and pulling your mouth to his. He kissed you like he meant it, like he had been kept up all night thinking about it, his thumbs running softly under your eyes. You both let out relieved breaths, neither of you caring for the moment that you still needed to shower and brush your teeth. It only took a moment for Harry to lay you back down on your pillow, his body propped on an elbow next to you so that he could hover over your chest.

The kisses turned more feverish, as if both of you had a million things to say and just couldn’t find the words. Harry’s free hand slid down your cheek and onto your neck, pulling you up enough so that he could swallow every little noise you couldn’t help making. After an hour or maybe two minutes or maybe an entire day had passed, Harry let himself break the kiss, falling onto his side so that you were face to face, noses nearly touching. 

“I feel like I’m still asleep.” He murmured, voice hushed so that even the birds outside seemed to chirp louder. “Am I dreaming? I feel like I’m dreaming.”

You giggled like a school girl in love, reaching up to pinch Harry’s cheek. “You’re awake.” You breathed, smiling even harder as his dimples lit up his face. “I missed you.”

“I missed you so much more, Sunflower.” Harry insisted, leaning forward to kiss you firmly one more time. “I was so worried you would regret it. I couldn’t sleep last night because I kept thinking I would wake up and you would be gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. Promise.” 

Harry’s face reddened again at the nickname, his body visibly relaxing with the tiny confirmation that you’d meant what you said before. You reached out your pinky, only for your hand to be swatted away by Harry’s. He reached out his thumb instead, laughing airily as he watched your brows furrow. 

“It’s stronger than a pinky promise.” He clarified, moving his thumb forward again in an invitation for you to do that same. You did what he wanted and wrapped your thumb around his, gripping as tightly as you could with the single digit. Harry smiled, that young kind of smile he always pulled out just when it would hit you the hardest. 

“Promise?” He asked again, hand still connected to yours. You nodded your head, mentally making a list of every single thing you had to be grateful for that brought you exactly to this moment. This golden, fragile moment. 

“I promise.” You told him, meaning it more than you could have ever conveyed. 

///

The two of you didn’t move for at least another thirty minutes, kissing each others faces and telling each other about your dreams and brushing the hair out of the other’s tired eyes. You kissed for so long your lips started to tingle, the rest of your body following suit in a warm kind of daze. You almost felt high, you were so relaxed. Buzzing everywhere. 

“I have to pee so bad.” You said eventually, though you made no move to get up. Harry just kept kissing your face and your cheeks and your eyelids, humming like he heard you but also making no effort to let you out of his grip. When you physically couldn’t wait any longer, you pushed him away by this chest, scrunching your face away from his to avoid any further (and much appreciated) affection that might distract you from the problem at hand. “I seriously have to go.” You reiterated, earning a childish groan as Harry threw himself back onto his pillow. 

“I s’pose you’re not going to let me come with you?” Harry questioned, eyeing you as you braved the cold and stood up out of bed. You chuckled, trying to flatten out your hair as you shook your head. 

“I’ll be right back.” You told him, shivering slightly as the breeze knocked right through you. “I just need to brush my teeth and take a shower.”

Harry sat up then, furrowing his brow in a pout. “What? No.” He said, standing to get himself out of bed to follow you. “I want to shower with you.”

Harry moved passed you to the window, pushing the panes shut so at least a bit of the chill was removed from the room. You crossed your legs, bobbing up and down slightly, and gave a confused laugh. 

You wanted to be excited by the idea of showering with him. You were excited. But at the moment, you were entirely too preoccupied with trying not to pee on the floor that you couldn’t even wrap your mind around the idea. 

Before you could catch up, Harry was already starting off down the hallway. By the time you’d skittered off to the bathroom, he was already there with a toothbrush in hand. 

“Seriously, Harry, I have to pee so bad.” You whined, standing with your hands balled up in fists at your side as you watched him through the mirror. “Please go, just for a second. Please.”

Harry already had a mouthful of toothpaste before you could even finish your plea. He pulled the brush out, voice muffled and mouth full when he spoke matter-of-factly. 

“So go pee, then.” He shrugged.

“I can’t!” 

“Why?”

You stared at him through the mirror, rolling your eyes slightly. You were in so much pain at this point it was unbearable, your body literally shivering. Harry met your eyes again as he brushed, letting out a frustrated huff as he took in how shattered your expression was. 

“I don’t see what the issue is.” He mumbled, spitting into the sink and turning to face you fully. “I’ve literally seen you go to the bathroom with Logan, like, a thousand times before.”

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“It just is!”

Harry stared at you, and you stared at him, neither of you breaking the stalemate for at least a painful five seconds. Finally, Harry sighed dramatically and stomped out of the bathroom, swinging the door closed behind him. You heard him grumble something about “being thrown out in the yard like a dog” as you scurried to yank your shorts down your legs. You barely managed to call out a strangled “Thank you!” before collapsing.

When you were done, hands washed and body much more relaxed, your threw the door back open to find Harry sitting just across the hall on the floor, hands covering his ears. You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, ushering him back inside with a tilt of your head. Harry, as annoyed as he tried to seem, was back on his feet in less than a second, following you back to the sink as he wrapped his arms around your waist. 

You brushed your teeth, a bit of a challenge with Harry stuck to your back and face shoved into your neck, but you managed. The more difficult part was when you attempted to wash your face, water splashing up and body barely free enough to lean down to the sink as you wiped your face clean. 

When you were finally done you turned to Harry, who immediately pressed fresh-breathed kisses to your mouth. You let it happen when he lifted you onto the counter, situating himself between your legs as his hands cradled your still slightly damp face. 

“Let's go back to bed.” He decided, making the suggestion as he bit softly on your neck. “We can just stay in bed all day. We’ll order a pizza or something if we get hungry.”

“You need to go on a run.” You reminded him, only earning another dramatic groan from him. “And we need to make breakfast first. And I have to call my mom today, and I have an interview later…”

“Later when?”

You pulled away, realizing Harry was dead serious. His hands never left you as you two spoke, always touching you somewhere on your arms or legs or face. You took a deep breath, running your hands through your hair. 

“Well, I have the interview at 4.”

“That’s hours away!” Harry scoffed, throwing his head back. “We have all day!”

“Yeah, but I have a lot to do before then!” You threw back just as incredulously. “I have to shower and call my mom and I need to do my makeup and get dressed…”

Harry, seemingly without hearing a word out of your mouth, was already hoisting you up into his arms and wrapping your legs around his middle. He spun you around, carrying you out into the hallway. 

“You think too much.” He spoke, lips brushing the shell of your ear. “And you can say all you want but there is no way I am leaving this house today. Fuck my run.”

And before you knew it you were being tossed back into your bed, the bed you now shared with Harry, being swallowed by the comforters and warm arms. 

You wanted to fight it harder, but you couldn’t bring yourself to actually do it. How could you, when he smelled so good and he kept whispering those things to you? How could you possibly go anywhere when he was kissing your neck like this? He was the moon afterall. You were helpless not to get sucked in with the tide. 

///

The night before had been one hazy, lovedrunk, daydream. 

After Harry had run off to find you some clothes, you had taken the time to look at yourself in the mirror. You took in the way your skin was glowing, the way your hands shook as they pushed the hair off your shoulders, the way your neck was absolutely devastated by bite marks. You crossed your arms over your chest, feeling somehow even more exposed now that you were alone to look at yourself, barely suppressing the giggles that threatened to rise out of your throat. You were only pulled out of your daze when Harry came back in a moment later, hands still empty.

“I changed my mind.” He said hastily, pulling you into a kiss harshly. “I don’t want you to get dressed yet. I want you to stay just-” He kissed your cheek firmly. “Like-” and then your neck. “This.” and finally your mouth again. You both were totally hopeless and stupid and soft, giggling into each other and smilling so hard you could barely connect your lips no matter how badly you wanted to. 

The rest of the night went a lot like that, hours slipping by without you even noticing as you and Harry talked about everything under the sun. Your plans to order celebratory pizza were forgotten, along with your bubble bath, almost as soon as you both had curled up under the covers. “We’ll just stay here for a minute.” Harry had said after pulling you out of the bathroom. “Then we’ll take our bath.”

But a minute turned into hours and before you knew it you had spent the entire night doing everything and nothing at the same time. It was at least an hour before Harry had finally given you some clothes to put on, (you were complaining that you were cold, which was the honest truth), and after that you and Harry found yourself in every corner of the house. The one promise that Harry did end up keeping, to no one’s surprise, was the champagne that showed up on your doorstep. Or, Harry’s doorstep. (You flinched for a second, recoiling at the fact that you were so swept away in the moment that you’d forgotten this was Harry’s house and not your own. You felt a tiny tingle of panic at the thought, but you brushed it off.)

You and Harry talked about everything. Even after spending much of the past week catching each other up on what they had missed, it turned out there were still quite a few things to be shared. Things that you both could actually bring yourselves to say now. Things you couldn’t possibly have confessed to the other before everything was out in the open. 

You ended up all over the place, sitting on the floor in the kitchen and laying on the dining room table and sitting on the patio outside. When you were still curled up in bed, not even dressed yet, you and Harry talked about love and relationships and what you both were looking forward to most having one another again. 

“We can do whatever we want now.” Harry was humming softly, stroking your hair as he peppered the top of your head with kisses. “We can go wherever we want to. I’ll take you to Italy… We’ll eat all the pasta we want to and we’ll go swimming and I have this house we can stay in that I always go to. And when the pandemic is over you and I can go visit your mom.” Harry gasped suddenly, propping himself up on an elbow. “And you can meet my mom, too! And my sister! You’d love them, I know you would.”

You couldn’t do anything but smile, pressing your cheek into Harry’s chest where he held you. He adjusted his grip on you, wrapping his arms around to stroke along the length of your back. 

“And we can have a big party with Anders and Logan and Rachel. And Logan can make those cupcakes she always makes, with the maple syrup in them. And her and Rachel won’t have to worry about anyone seeing them and we can-“

You perked up at that, your eyes widening instinctively at the mention of Logan and Rachel being a couple. You were trained at this point to sit on edge whenever their names came up together, and despite how nice the things falling from Harry’s lips were this was no different. 

“What do you mean?” You asked cautiously. You’d not said a word to Harry about them, keeping your promise to Logan even when it came to him. Harry narrowed his eyes at you, looking genuinely confused for a second. 

“About what? The cupcakes?” He asked, shaking his head softly. “We can ask her to bring something else, I just like those ones-“

“No-“ You stopped him, huffing out a short laugh at his hang up on the baked goods. “I mean about Logan and Rachel. What did you mean by that?”

Harry’s face flashed with recognition as he let out a hum of understanding. 

“I mean cause they’re a couple.” He said plainly, making your skin flash cold for a moment. “Did you think I didn’t know?”

“They’re not-“

“Logan told me about it.” Harry interjected, sensing your unease. “She told me about it a long time ago, actually. I assumed she would’ve told you that I knew by now.”

“She didn’t.” You scrunched your nose, shaking your head side to side. As far as you knew, Logan and Rachel’s families were the only ones who knew aside from you and Anders and Layla. (And by proxy, Max). You felt a tinge of jealousy, though you weren’t sure why, knowing Logan and Harry had been talking this entire time. It wasn’t a shock to you that it had come up. Still, you wondered how long ‘a long time’ was. “When did she tell you that?”

Harry sighed, gazing up at the ceiling. “Gosh… I don’t know. Like September, maybe?”

“September?” You barked, sitting up straighter. Harry flinched, eyes widening as he let out a soft ‘what?’. “She didn’t even tell me until after the Halloween party.”

“I’m sorry-“

“No, no.. It’s okay. I just figured…” Your voice trailed off, your mind replaying everything that had happened the last few months. “I figured she’d tell me first, is all. When did she tell you about it?”

“Don’t tell her I’m telling you this, okay?” Harry insisted. “She was just having a hard time and I remember after that sleepover at your parents house I had called her and asked her if she was okay. Cause you’d said she was being weird, and all…”

“Uh-huh…” You listened intently, trying all the whole not to take it personally how somehow Harry knew Logan’s biggest secret before you’d even seen it coming. 

“We talked for a while and she ended up coming over… And she wasn’t going to tell me but she was so upset and it just kind of came out.” Harry grimaced at the memory, eyes flickering across the room over your head. “And she made me swear not to tell, not even you. And I wasn’t going to be a prick and say anything, and she was so upset… I wanted to tell you, especially after the Halloween party, but I couldn’t tell you that I knew she wasn’t sleeping with Christian because then I’d have to tell you how I knew and… and I couldn’t, Sunflower. I’m sorry, I just-“

“Harry, don’t apologize!” You cut him off, smoothing the frown lines on his face with a kiss. “I’m not mad, I’m just… surprised, I guess.” You chewed on your lip for a while before shrugging. “I’m glad she had someone to talk to about it. I felt so guilty for being so mean to her..”

“She wasn’t mad.” Harry said quickly. “She knew what you would think, it was just a lot for her. She told me she wanted to tell you but she was just really scared.”

“I wish she wouldn’t have been..” You frowned, knowing fully well what a big deal it was to someone to come out but still wishing Logan would’ve known right away that you would’ve been supportive of her no matter what. Suddenly you squinted, a revelation dawning on you. “So even though I was freaking out about Christian and her, you didn’t say anything? Didn’t you think it would have made me listen to you after our fight?”

Harry looked shocked, offended even, that you would suggest it. He shook his head more aggressively this time as he spoke. “No. No way. I would’ve taken that to the grave if I had to.” He rushed out, shaking his head again for emphasis. “I wouldn’t have done that to her just because you were upset. I wish I could’ve, and I’m sorry you were so upset… I wish I could’ve helped but I just couldn’t-“

“It’s really okay! Really!” You promised, pressing a heated kiss to his lips. “You’re a great friend, Harry. Im glad she told you.”

You moved passed it after that, silently deciding not to mention it to Logan that you knew Harry knew until it came up on its own. As far as Logan knew you hadn’t uttered a word of it to anyone, and never would. A weight was lifted off of you in some weird way, having at least one other person you didn’t need to guard yourself around. Harry went on, having brushed over the whole thing, telling you more about what he’d do with you now that you were his ‘girlfriend’. (He made sure to emphasize the word each time he said it, drawing out the syllables and wrapping his lips delicately around the word in a smile). He told you how you two would go for walks and he would take you out on a proper date and you wouldn’t have to worry about who saw you. You didn’t dare bring up the fact that you still had both of your teams to think about, that there was still a lot to be discussed before anyone said anything publicly. He just looked so excited, you couldn’t bare squash it. 

By the time you’d ended up outside, both of you laying on your backs and staring up at the stars, you were both almost an entire bottle of champagne deep. The ground swayed underneath you as you tried to focus your attention on something solid; the feel of Harry’s hand holding yours, the shape of the trees in the distance, the sound of Harry’s voice. Harry didn’t move to look over at you when he spoke after a small stretch of silence, his body a puddle next to yours the same way you felt right now. He spoke suddenly, giving you no preamble before throwing his question at you. 

“Can I talk to you about something?” He asked, his voice rising up above your heads and stirring the stars that hung over you. You felt the words fall back down onto your tingly legs and your hands and your cheeks as you nodded. 

“Of course.” You breathed, rolling over a bit sloppily to look at him. Harry threw you a glance before turning back to the sky. “What is it?”

“You don’t have to look at me.” He said softly, hands toying with the strings of his hoodie. “It makes me nervous.”

And so silently you rolled back over, focusing again on the patterns you could see over your head. You wished you knew more about constellations and space and all of that so you could make sense of the shapes you were seeing. 

“I meant what I said when I told you I talked about you in therapy.” Harry started, his voice a low rumble in his chest. His fingers still twirled around with his strings, his unease basically pooling on the ground around him and seeping into your clothes. “But that’s not all I talked about. I talked about a lot of stuff, actually… Like, I talked about everything.”

You weren’t sure if this was a pause meant to be filled by you, so you left it empty. Harry crossed his legs and uncrossed then again, before settling on crossing them in the other direction. He was nearly as on edge as he had been at Margot’s house, the topic of therapy and what happened there still seeming to set his skin on fire when he thought of it. 

“I just don’t want you to think I wasn’t doing anything while we were broken up. And if you're worried that I’m just going to mess up again, I swear I won’t- or I’ll try not to- and, and… And I learned a lot, you know? I just want you to know that.” He let out a shaky breath, deciding for a few soft seconds what to say. “I just had a lot of stuff to work on and I know you’re probably mad but I need to- I just needed to figure it out, you know? And I’m not perfect yet or anything but I’m still working on it and I promise you I’ll be better this time. Okay? I promise.”

Harry had finally rolled over to look at you, gauging your reaction long enough to see you nod. He laid back down, speaking again before you had the chance to tell him not to apologize again. 

“I talked about the band, mostly.” He told you, his breath baited. Your skin prickled all over at the mention. Since you’d known him you and Harry had obviously spoken about One Direction here or there, but honestly he didn’t seem to like to bring it up that often. Mostly he’d tell you stories about going to Rome or things Niall had said to him or the pranks he used to pull on Liam. He never went deeper than that, and despite your curiosity you never pushed him further out of his depth. 

So, to hear him bring it up now, totally on his own… It instantly had your heart pounding. You weren’t even sure why, but the simple fact that he was comfortable enough to talk about it even though he hated it had you feeling a mix between apprehensive and flattered and straight up nervous. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You posed hesitantly, not wanting to ask for more than he was ready to give. Out of the corner of your eye you could see him crossing his arms behind his head, his chest rising in a shaky kind of way. 

“I do, yeah.” He barely forced out. “I’m sorry for ruining the mood, I just… I can’t talk to anyone about it and I haven’t even told Anders because I know it’ll break his heart. He’s, like, super into Midnight Memories right now…” Harry let out a short, tired laugh. “If you don’t want to listen to me you don’t have to. I just-“

“I want to hear it.” You told him, propping yourself up so that you could meet his eyes. “You can tell me anything.”

Harry just looked at you for a second before turning his head back to the sky. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he started to talk. 

And he talked for a long time. He talked about the band and you tried not to think about how your entire life had been a lie as he went on and on about all of the awful things he’d been through. You felt hot tears roll down your cheeks but you suffocated the sounds in your chest so he wouldn’t be able to tell.

“I didn’t hate it, though. I know I’m really lucky and I loved being in the band, it’s just…” He sighed, his voice verging on strained. “I was just a kid, you know? And I didn’t realize it before but I never… I didn’t… I didn’t ever really recover from that, you know? There were so many things that I didn’t get to do, and I know it’s stupid because I got to do so much, but I just feel like I missed out. Like I don’t even feel like a person sometimes.”

You sniffled once, blaming it quickly on your allergies and not on the emotions raging around you. “I’m really sorry.” Was all you could think to say. For what, you weren’t sure. Sorry you’d never asked him about it before. Sorry you had ever even listened to One Direction, or bought their tickets, or watched the interviews you knew now Harry had been so torn up during. Sorry it happened in the first place. 

“Don’t be.” Harry waved, shrugging. “I loved it. I just had a lot more to deal with than I thought I did.” He did the thing with his legs again, crossing them a few times before forcing them to settle. “I think with the whole thing, you know… I had a lot of issue with letting people close to me. And I know you said at Margot’s house that I let people in just fine, but I didn’t- I never really let people close to me like it seemed. I was only ever trying to make everyone happy… to make them like me, you know? And then I had all this stuff about intimacy and relationships.. 

“Anyway, I spent all this time just thinking I was broken when I was just… I don’t know. Just stuck, I guess. And I know I wasn’t a good boyfriend to you before and I know I was mean and I overreacted and I’m jealous and I’m not saying I couldn’t help it, I just…” He moved his legs forward a bit so his toe just barely touched yours, his body searching for some kind of comfort from you even if he couldn’t meet your eyes. “It’s like, when I was forced to kind of tell the world everything about my life it just kind of felt like I didn’t even have anything for myself. And especially when it came to girlfriends, I just… I was always worried I’d mess up and everyone would hate me and think I was awful and so I would just give up. I was always afraid I’d do something wrong. And the press would ask me everything, I was still a fucking teenager and they’d be hounding me about who I was sleeping with, and if I broke up with someone then there’d be stories about it and everyone would call me a womanizer. Even when I really liked someone I always just gave up eventually because I couldn’t go five minutes without thinking everything was going to come crashing down. Like someone would tell the world what a shitty boyfriend I was, or that I was mean… And it just didn’t seem worth it to me. I couldn’t trust anyone. And even once I got out and I thought I was doing better I still let everything get to me. And it’s like Christian knew that, too, and it’s not just because of him that I wanted to break up, it was everything. He was right about everything. He always did that, he’d always hit me where he knew it hurt the most…”

His voice trailed off, but his mouth opened a few times like he had more to say, so you kept quiet. 

“I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess I’m trying to apologize for not being, uh… what did she call it? Emotionally available, I guess.” The noises of the city were dying down now, the air becoming a bit stiller as it engulfed you. “I’m not trying to say that what I did was okay, but I just want you to understand it. It was never that I didn’t love you, or that I didn’t care, because I did. I cared so much, about everything. I cared too much. And I could just feel myself giving up and I was so scared all the time and I knew that if I didn’t stop myself I would just push you away and I’d hurt you… And, fuck, I mean… I know I still hurt you so badly, but for the first time I didn’t want to just give up. I didn’t want to keep being that person who was lonely all the time because I couldn’t just let myself be happy with someone. I wanted it to work with you, and even if I had to let you go so that I could work on it I had to at least try.”

Finally, Harry sat up fully, pulling your arm a bit drunkenly so that you would sit up, too. He pulled you in for a kiss, his lips hot and wasted against yours. 

“I’m so sorry, for everything.” He whispered against you. You found yourself speechless even though your skin was screaming for him. You wanted to tell him it was okay, that you could be patient and kind and that you would try harder, too. But when his hands wound into your hair and you shimmied yourself onto his lap, you couldn’t bring any words out from your chest. “I love you so much. I’ll be better for you, I promise I will. I’m doing my best.”

His voice cracked in the very last word, and despite the slurred emotion in his voice you could feel him hard pressing against your center. You eased against him, letting a soft whine fall from your mouth. 

“Don’t apologize to me again, baby.” You begged, tangling your hands into the hair at the base of his neck. “I’m not mad at you. I understand, and I’m so proud of you, Harry. I’m so proud.”

You weren’t sure when it happened but he was crying, the sloppy, tipsy kind of crying he always did when he was drinking. He kept kissing you, so intensely it knocked the air from your lungs. You felt every emotion at once, your chest literally caving in on itself as you tried to make sense of even one emotion you felt. You pushed Harry away softly, wanting to see his face, but you couldn’t get him to pull off of you long enough, his grip only tightening on your cheeks. 

“Harry, look at me…” 

“No.”

“Harry-“

Finally you were able to pry him off of you, holding him at a half-arms length by his shoulders. His bottom lip stuck out from his frown in a way that made him look his age and also every age that came before him. He was somehow 16 and 21 and 7 all at once. You wiped under his eyes, cocking your head to the side. 

“I’m really proud of you, Harry. I mean it.” You told him, eyes pouring into his everything you couldn’t put into words. “You’re okay. Everything going to be fine. You’re not broken.”

His chin did the thing it always did when he was trying hard not to cry, wrinkling slightly before it all eventually spilled over and he was barely holding himself upright. You tugged him into your chest, kissing him everywhere your lips could reach. He just cried quietly for a while, a theme with the two of you lately. It might have been an hour or two minutes that passed before he sat up, pawing at his face. 

“Sorry for that.” He laughed, letting out a puff of air from his cheeks. “I’m drunk I think.”

You laughed with him, kissing him one more time on the cheek. His eyes fluttered shut, taking a second to blink back open once you’d pulled away. 

“It’s alright.” You told him, rubbing his arms. “Thank you for telling me all of that. It means a lot that you trust me with it.”

“Only you.” He breathed. “Just you.”

An hour passed by you seamlessly, the sky completely dark now. Harry had kept going, talking on and on about everything he’d learned or talked about in therapy. It was like a can of worms had been opened and poured all over the ground in front of you, soaking into the concrete and seeping into every crack; he couldn’t stop even if he tried. He talked about growing up and his dad and more about the band, this time keeping you pressed close to his chest in his lap but still not meeting your eyes. He breathed against your neck, your face, your hair, spilling out every single ounce he’d been holding in for the last decade. 

“I don’t think I want you to call me Harry Fucking Styles anymore. If that’s okay.” He spoke once you’d both finally stood up to get back inside. “I know you think it’s funny but it, uh.. I dunno. It kind of makes me feel bad. So just.. I don’t know. I don’t mind it that much but if you could just-“

“I won’t say it again.” You cut him off, furrowing your brow at his backtracking. “You don’t have to justify yourself.”

“Okay.” He squeaked, smiling a bit shyly. “Thank you.”

The next place you found yourself was stretched out on the dining room table, your heads on opposite ends and feet brushing one another’s shoulders. You weren’t sure why or how you ended up there, but the table wasn’t getting too much use anyway. Harry didn’t talk anymore about the band or therapy or any of that, and you didn’t ask any questions. You told him about the jobs you’d been doing in London before you came to his house, and about how lonely you’d been all by yourself. 

“Having the team around was nice and all but you know how it is…” You were rattling on. “It’s just not the same as having you or Logan or Anders around. It’s like I was never alone but I still felt lonely all the time. I even would’ve liked to have Bethany around…”

“I know what you mean.” Harry agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of your socked foot. “I feel that way, too.”

Next you started telling him about all of the things you’d done back in LA while Harry had been away. You told him about how you hadn’t been out much with Logan anymore, but you’d still somehow lost your favorite pair of shoes at some party or another. 

“I haven’t even been going out anymore, so I don’t know where they could’ve gone. I got them from a store in St. Louis so I can’t even buy a new pair…” You were complaining, seemingly finding the story interesting enough in your drunkeness to share. “After everything with Anders I stopped going to parties and everything aside from a few, but I still ended up losing them…”

“They’re probably in your mess of a bedroom.” Harry snickered, sitting up on his elbows so he could see you. He looked suddenly very serious, his brows knitting together. “Do you want to talk about that?”

“About the shoes?” You scrunched your nose, giggling softly. “I think I’ll be okay.”

“I mean about Anders.”

You mimicked Harry’s body language, propping yourself up just enough to see him. The ceiling fan above your head whirred in the background, making a soft ticking sound every few seconds like a timer was about to go off if you didn’t think of something to say. Eventually that timer ran out and Harry spoke again. 

“You don’t have to or anything, I just thought maybe you’d want to. We didn’t really talk about it a lot.”

He was right. Aside from the first day or two after you’d been here, when you cried in the kitchen telling Harry about what happened, neither of you had brought it up again. It hung over you every single day since it had happened, casting a shadow over every otherwise pleasant moment. Being with Harry was the first time you felt it hang over someone else, too. He was covered in the shade just like you were. 

“I don’t know what I’d say.” You finally spoke, palms sticky as they pressed against the wooden table. “I talked about it in therapy a few times but we’re still, uh, working on it. I haven’t really let myself think about it.”

“And what would happen if you did?” Harry asked, his voice holding that same kind of calm doctors and therapists always had. It soothed and rattled you at once. “I just mean, what are you afraid might happen if you talk about it? You don’t have to if you don’t want, but I’ll listen.”

You’d never thought about it that way before. Whenever it popped into your mind, and it did all the time, you just forced it back down where it came from. Because it was scary, and it hurt. It hurt worse than anything you could’ve fathomed before it. Your life was split in two after what happened, consisting now of a “before” and an “after” and nothing else. You’d been cut right down the middle. 

“I’m afraid if I talk about it then I won’t be able to pretend it didn’t happen anymore.” You spoke without thinking, realizing as the words came out that it was true. “If I just don’t let myself think about it then it’s like it never happened. And then I don’t have to worry about him.”

Harry just nodded, laying back down on the table so he could watch the fan blades as they spun over him. 

“I worry about him all the time.” He shared, instead of asking you for any more. “I worry about him so much it makes me sick. I mean, he always calls me to tell me when he’s not doing well and I’ve been able to help him but what if one day he doesn’t call? What if he decides not to tell me he’s having a bad day and he does something stupid? What am I supposed to do then?”

“I don’t know.” You answered plainly. Because you didn’t know. You’d been down the same train of thought more times than you could count, eventually deciding on ignoring it the same way you had been. Because if you told yourself he was fine and just didn’t mention it, then you had no reason to worry, right? “You know I barely spoke to him for weeks after he got back from rehab. I couldn’t stand it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” You admitted, feeling shitty and gross for saying it out loud. “I still talked to him every once in a while but I usually told him I was busy. I just- I couldn’t even look at him. It’s like the only thing I could think of was the way he looked when I saw him and I was so angry even though I knew I shouldn’t have been-“

“Says who?” Harry frowned, sitting up again. “You have every right to be angry. You’re allowed to feel things even if his problems might seem bigger. You should totally be angry.”

You chewed on your lip, wanting to believe him but still feeling a red hot kind of guilt wash over you. You’d never, ever spoken any of this aloud, even to Logan. And nobody had asked. 

“I don’t want to be angry.” You barely whispered. “It makes me feel bad.”

“Well if you ever want to be angry, or if you decide you want to talk about it, I’ll listen to you.” Harry offered sweetly, his hand coming out to rub up and down your extended leg nearest to him. “I won’t ask you about it anymore if you don’t want but I’ll be here if you need me.”

You laid yourself back down, staring at the ceiling. You were conflicted, unsure if you wanted to open that door and step through or if you should keep the key hidden under the mat where it had been for months now. You hadn’t even realized you’d made your decision until your mouth was open and words were coming out and spilling all over your chest. 

“Did he tell you it was because of the fight with Christian?”

“Yeah.”

You nodded, assuming that was probably the extent of what Harry had heard. Anders never talked about it, and you never tried to bring it up. You figured he wouldn’t have told Harry any of the details. 

“Did he tell you anything else?”

You heard Harry sit up, but you didn’t look up to see him. “No.” He said, sounding a bit sad. “He didn’t.”

“I stayed at his house for a while after the Halloween party. I saw how he was.” You began, arms wrapping over your chest like a comfort blanket. “He slept all the time but I figured he was just healing, you know? But then I left and I started hearing less and less from him and… and I knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong and I didn’t do anything about it.”

“It isn’t your job to do anything.”

“But I could have.” You choked out, wiping a silent tear away before it ran down your temple to your ear. “I tried calling and he never answered. He never let me come over. I just decided to show up one day and he was with some random girl and… I don’t know. I could tell he was high but he said it was just the medication. And then he told me to leave.”

“Y/N…”

“He told me I was crazy and that he didn’t want to hear me talk about you anymore.” You continued, feeling your neck and shoulder stiffen until they were completely taut. “So I left him alone for a while. But I knew… I knew he was on drugs. I just didn’t want to admit it.”

Harry was sitting up fully, criss-crossed next to your ankles. His hand still traced pattens across your legs as you spoke, encouraging you to keep talking as much as you wanted to. 

“Anyway, he calls me one day and he’s telling me how I’ve been a great friend and how he loves me and I just… I knew what he was going to do. He didn’t want me to come over but he promised I could the next day but then the next day came and he wouldn’t talk to me so I just showed up.”

It was quiet for a minute, Harry making sure you were done before speaking. “Is that when you found him?”

All you could do at this point was nod silently, tears scorching your face faster than you could wipe them away. Harry scooted close to you, taking it upon himself to wipe away the evidence. 

“You don’t have to talk about it, flower.” He whispered, shushing you softly. “It’s okay. He’s fine. You don’t have to tell me about it.”

You shook your head, sucking in shaky breaths to try and calm yourself. You were afraid for a second that you’d start panicking, but the feeling on Harry’s hands on you kept you rooted. You sat up, pressing your knees to Harry’s. 

“I showed up and he didn’t answer so I just walked in.” You began again, sniffling in the ugliest way you could have. 

“He never locks his door…” Harry filled the silence, shaking his head. You let out a dry laugh, nodding. 

“I know! It’s annoying.” You breathed, taking another deep breath. “But I guess it’s good that he didn’t this day. But, uh, I walked in, right? And it was so quiet, Harry… I could hear the shower running and so I told myself that meant he was fine but I could feel it. I knew he wasn’t okay.

“So I go into the bathroom and I’m honestly hoping I’m just going to walk in on him naked at this point, and that he’ll yell at me or whatever… But he didn’t. And I… I opened the curtain and he was..”

Fuck. You pinched your eyes closed, huffing out harsh breaths to keep yourself from hyperventilating. Harry ran his hands over your hair and your face, whispering softly that it was okay, it was okay, it was okay…

“He was just laying there. He was still dressed and everything but it was like he wasn’t even there. And I just stared at him telling him to get up but he didn’t listen.

“I don’t know how long I stood there but I just kind of snapped out of it and jumped into the shower. I turned the water off and I kept trying to pick him up but he was so heavy… And I tried talking to him but I don’t even know what I said. He was looking at me but it wasn’t- he wasn’t even seeing me, you know?”

You let out another dry laugh, watching your hands wind around each other in your lap. “You know what he said to me when I finally got him to talk?”

Harry’s entire expression looked pained, even his body seeming sad. “What did he say?”

Even though you smiled you still felt yourself cry harder. “He said I looked like a frog. And then he said he was sorry.”

Harry didn’t laugh with you, only wincing softly. His touch recoiled from you so he could run his hands over his face, his own rattling breath sounding out this time. 

“Anyway, the paramedics got there and I stayed at the hospital with him for hours until he woke up. I think I blacked out or something, like genuinely, because I don’t even remember waiting there. But he finally woke up and I was so relieved and scared and sick to my stomach, and you know what he said to me?” Harry shook his head. “He told me it was funny. And that I shouldn’t act so fucking serious. And then he cried until he fell asleep.”

Harry didn’t say anything, but what did you expect him to say? What could he possibly say to make any of this better? After a few beats had passed he took your hands in his own, pulling them into his lap. He kissed your cheek once, a totally innocent gesture, before finally speaking. 

“That’s fucked up.” Was all he said, making you let out a tiny chuckle. “Seriously, Y/N. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I- I wish I would’ve been there to help. You should’ve just called me and I would’ve been there-“

“I know.” You agreed, knowing that as badly as you wanted to put space between you and Harry at the time that was the only thing that could’ve made it any better. “I know I should’ve. I really needed you, Harry. I needed you.”

Harry tilted his head to the side, squeezing your hands. “I’m sorry-“

“I needed you and you weren’t there.” You repeated, holding your face in your sleeves. “I needed you, Harry. I needed you the whole time, when I was having nightmares and when Anders was in the hospital and- and- and I needed you to finish those Oreos with me. I needed you and you weren’t there and I know I said I wasn’t but sometimes I’m really, really angry about that. I know you needed space and I know you-“

“Don’t say that.” Harry cut you off, his frown cemented on his face now. “I never needed space from you, Y/N. I know you needed me and I’m sorry that everything happened that way… but I needed you, too.”

His breathing was a bit erratic now, his chest rising and falling in rough pants. “I needed you, too. I told you from the beginning that I needed a friend and I know it was selfish of me to expect that from you but don’t ever say I didn’t want you around. Because that’s not true. I wanted you the entire time.”

Your chin was lifted with a single finger, Harry’s hand forcing you to look up at him. “You are allowed to be angry and I’m really, really sorry. But I needed you, too. I was at my absolute worst and I was completely alone. I didn’t have anyone-“ He stopped himself suddenly, closing his eyes for a second. “Sorry. I just mean, I would’ve been there for you. I know why you didn’t want me around but you have to know that I wanted you, too. I thought about you everyday.”

You just nodded, wiping your face one last time. “I’m sorry for saying that.“ You told him, feeling a fresh wave of shame wash over you. After everything Harry had told you, especially tonight, you hated yourself more deeply than ever for what you’d done to him. He’d told you over and over that he needed someone, and you left him out to hang. You didn’t even think about what he might have been going through. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“It’s okay.”

Harry smiled softly, pulling you into a hug. “So are you guys good now? Anders never told me you weren’t talking.”

“We’re good, yeah.” You told him, pulling out of the hug. “I never really told him I was upset, I just avoided him for a few weeks. Didn’t you think it was weird that he was always with you and not me?”

“I didn’t really know.”

“Yeah, well… We’re fine now.” You continued, plopping your hands down on your thighs. “And he’ll be okay. It’s not like he’s out buying drugs or anything while he’s with his parents so at least I don’t have to worry, right?”

Harry’s face flashed with something you couldn’t quite place, his face paling almost completely white. Then, he just nodded. “Yeah.” He spoke, running a hand over his throat. “Right. He’s fine.”

Like the two of you were trained to do, you brushed off every negative thought and feeling and moved on quickly, putting on some music to lighten the mood. You danced around the kitchen and the living room, finishing off the champagne that had been abandoned outside. When you were both too tired and tipsy to stand you collapsed onto the couch and made out for a while, Harry telling you over and over again how much he loved you and how he’d missed you and how he never, ever wanted you to go. 

“I’ll never leave.” You swore to him between breathless pants, pulling him closer. “Never.”

Somehow you ended up on the kitchen floor, Harry for some reason curled up on your lap this time, his chest pressed to your as his head burrowed into your neck. You both giggled softly, telling each other again and again and again how much you’d missed the other.

“This is nice.” Harry hummed happily, snuggling closer onto your body. “Feels good to be held.”

“My legs are numb.” You cackled, not minding at all as you lost sensation because at least you had him close to you. “Are you getting sleepy?”

“Are you trying to get me into bed?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow as he pulled back to look at you. You rolled your eyes, kissing his dimple that had nestled into his cheek. 

“Yeah, to sleep.” You told him, your eyes threatening to close. “I don’t think I could have sex right now even if I tried. You took it out of me earlier.”

Harry gasped in faux shock, covering his mouth with a palm. “Sex? Who said anything about sex?” You threw your head back in a groan, smiling even as you tried to act annoyed. Harry’s hand slid up your side under your shirt, his fingers pressing into your ribs as he leaned into your ear. “I’ll just use my fingers instead, huh? I never said I wanted to have sex, there’s a million other things we could do.”

“You can jack off if you need to, but I’m out of commission.” You giggled, turning your cheek a bit to keep his lips from tickling your ear. 

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He fired back. And with that you pushed him off of your lap, springing to your feet and running sloppily up the stairs. Harry let out a whine, saying something about how he was “only kidding!”, following close on your trail. 

Harry managed to catch up without much of an effort on his part, taking your arm in a single warm hand and yanking you into the bedroom as he stepped around you. In one swift motion he threw you over his shoulder, tossing you onto the bed and letting himself fall directly on top of you. You let out warm giggles against one another, feeling like you were floating on air or maybe somewhere in the ocean or even in space. Everything felt fuzzy and technicolor and beautiful. You tried to push Harry off of you so you could sit up, but he wouldn’t budge. 

“I’m sleeping right here.” He breathed against your chest, tightening his grip around you. “M’not moving from this spot. Ever.”

And he didn’t. You stayed up a while longer, listening to Harry talk more about all the plans he had for you now that you were his. The promises pitter-pattered onto the mattress like rain on a tin roof, eventually lulling you both to sleep. 

///

Back in the present, Harry kept his word and held you up in bed hours longer than you’d said he was allowed to. He kissed you everywhere, scrolled quietly on his phone, read a book, all while pressed against you or with an ankle crossed over yours or a hand twirling your hair around his finger. Not even for a second were you apart, Harry tiptoing behind you when you went downstairs to get water and keeping up his streak of sitting in the hallway just outside the door whenever you got up to pee. Eventually it was him who needed to get up to use the bathroom, and you in your cocoon of blankets just nodded without much of a thought and continued typing out your text to Logan about what you had been up to. Harry, who had taken at most two small steps away from the bed, stopped in his tracks. 

“Aren’t you going to come with me?” He asked, looking over his shoulder at you. He furrowed his brows, genuinely confused why you were still laying down when he had decided to get up. You let out a light laugh, realizing he was deadly serious. 

“Go with you to the bathroom?”

“Yeah?”

You just looked at him for a second, him raising his arms in a “what?” gesture, before you finally set your phone down on the pillow next to you and got up. Harry smiled, pleased with himself, taking your hand in his while he walked an entire 20 feet to the bathroom. 

He detached his hand from yours, leaving the door open while he went inside. You didn’t think much of it, making mindless conversation the way you had been for hours now about which TV shows Harry had watched as a kid and what movies you thought were underrated. You could hear Harry shuffling inside after a while but you didn’t give it any mind until he stepped around the corner to lean against the door frame. 

“-but honestly, I think that the second one was better than the first one just for the fact that-”

Your sentence was stopped right in the middle, a record scratch sounding off in your head as Harry stepped around the corner completely naked. You gasped so hard you started to choke, Harry throwing you a crooked smile as you looked up at him with teary eyes. 

“For the fact that what?” He asked, cocking his head to the side as if he were totally at ease. He probably was totally at ease, come to think of it, Harry never shying away from letting you see him. You, for some reason or another, turned your head to inspect the patterns in the woodgrain of the floor. “What’s the matter, hm? Y’alright?”

“I’m great, yeah.” You choked out, still not daring to look up. Harry let out a little giggle, walking back into the bathroom with a lazy “okay then”, the sound of the shower running following a few second later. 

You were paralyzed, sat on the hallway floor. You couldn’t breathe, let alone stand. It wasn’t until you heard his voice ring out to you that you were thrust back into your body. 

“Aren’t you going to come shower with me?” He asked, your head snapping over to follow the sound. Still you didn’t speak, and you heard Harry pop his head out from behind the shower door. “Y/N? Hello?”

You were going to get into that shower with him even if it killed you, and you were seriously suspecting that it might as your knees rattled and shook as you finally stood up. You tiptoed into the bathroom in a way akin to a child creeping into their parent’s bedroom in the middle of the night. You could just make out the shape of Harry’s body behind the glass, your blood suddenly running as slowly and steadily through your veins as the drops of water were down the shower wall. You pulled your hoodie over your head, tossing your shorts aside with them, and slowly slid the door open. 

“How nice of you to join me.” Harry grinned at you, pushing his wet hair out of his face. He pulled you closer to him into the stream, the heat of the water making you let out a little yelp as it made contact. “I was starting to get lonely.”

If you thought you were weak in the knees before, you were basically a puddle by the time you adjusted to the feeling of the warm water on your skin. You stepped fully under the spray, closing your eyes as you turned your face to it, letting out a soft hum. It felt like summer all over, the heat searing through all of your love-softened muscles and making you feel almost dizzy with relaxation. 

You felt Harry come up behind you, pulling you away from the water and into his chest so your back was pressed to his chest. He wrapped his arms around your middle, resting his chin on top of your head. His fingers drew patterns lazily on your abdomen.

“This is nice, yeah?” He asked, pressing an innocent kiss to the crown of your head. You hummed in response, leaning your head back onto his shoulder with your eyes still closed. Harry’s hands continued moving across you, coming up to rest on the full of your breasts. You tried not to think too long about how naked you were right now. There was something about the quiet intimacy of it all that made your skin burn under his gaze more than it normally did when he saw you like this, because for the moment neither of you were distracted by anything else other than the soft sound of water falling. Harry’s attention was placed fully on you, and you could feel it everywhere. 

“Is that my shampoo?” You asked, trying to keep your mind straight and distract Harry from his fawning over you. You felt him turn his head to look where you were pointing on the rack across from you.

“Yeah.” He said, giving a short laugh. “You didn’t notice that I had it before?”

“I saw it, I just wasn’t sure if it was actually mine or not.” You answered. You turned around so that you were facing him, his hands not straying from you as he kept you pressed tightly to his front. “Is it actually mine? Like from my house?”

Maybe it was the heat from the shower, but you swore you could see a soft blush come over Harry’s face. He smirked, as if that could distract you from it, nodding. “You left it at my house so I kept it.” He shrugged, as if it was nothing. 

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“Why did you keep it?”

He paused for a second, chewing on his lip. He shrugged again. “Because I like how it smells.” 

You gazed up at him, knowing your face was soft and totally love-dumb. Harry couldn’t help but lean down to kiss you, moving his lips slowly on yours for a few seconds. He eventually moved his lips to your jaw and then into the wet crook of your neck, nibbling and sucking softly. “And it reminded me of you. I couldn’t stand to get rid of it…” His hands tightened around your waist as he sucked harder on your neck. “Couldn’t bear it…”

You smiled, moving your hands into Harry’s hair, knowing that he meant it. You imagined him, all those months ago, sulking around his house collecting all of your belongings you’d left scattered throughout his life. You wondered if he was sad at all while he did it, or if he did it in a hurry… Maybe he had looked into the shower as an afterthought, bag already full of your items, just happening to find your shampoo and conditioner there as he was preparing to head to your house. You imagined he had shoved both into the bag without much of a thought, only to walk into the hallway and stop in his tracks. You could practically see the crease between his brows as he took the shampoo in his hands, looking it over thoughtfully before putting it back where he’d found it. He probably told himself not to think too much about it, promising himself you wouldn’t notice it was missing. 

“Why didn’t you just buy some for yourself then?” You asked, biting away your smile. You knew what you wanted him to say, and the look on his face as he pulled away told you he was about to. He chewed on his lip shyly. 

“Because that one’s yours.” He answered, “And I wanted to keep part of you just for myself. Figured you wouldn’t notice I still had it.”

“I didn’t.” You told him, kissing his cheek. The air around you was becoming thick despite the airyness of your conversation, the steam from the water running behind you making the space around you feel stuffy. 

“And I kept it because-” Harry started saying, shaking his head halfway through. “Nevermind.”

You giggled, pressing a fingertip into one of Harry’s dimples. “Because why?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.” You whined, wiggling your knees. Harry rolled his eyes playfully, looking away. 

“It’s embarrassing.”

You lifted yourself on your tippy toes, wrapping both arms around Harry’s neck. You blinked at him a few times, softening him up before making an offer.

“If you tell me what you were going to say then I’ll tell you something even more embarrassing.” You posed, making Harry raise his eyebrows with curiosity. 

“How do you know it’s more embarrassing?”

“Because.” You said, trying not to laugh as you considered the idea of actually telling him what you were offering to share. “It’s the most embarrassing thing in the world. Nothing can top it, I promise you that.”

He thought, eyeing you carefully. He pressed his lips into a thin line. His words came out in a rush as he started to speak, his eyes meeting yours in a cautious kind of look. 

“After the VMAs sometimes I would use your shampoo right before bed so that the next night whenever I would go to sleep my pillow case would smell like you.” He blurted out. You immediately stuck out your lower lip, letting out a pained kind of whimper.

“That’s not embarrassing!” You promised him, kissing him right on his reddened cheek. “That’s actually really sweet, Harry.”

“Not really.” He laughed, his blush reaching all the way to his naked shoulders. “Just sad, mostly. Pathetic, even.”

“Well I think it’s sweet.” You disagreed. You pressed your cheek onto his wet chest, the residual water left on his skin feeling warm against your face. “I wish I could’ve been there to sleep next to you instead. I’m really sorry.”

“Not your fault, sweetheart.” He whispered, resting his cheek on top of your head. He waited a minute before pulling your face away from his chest. He slapped on a smug expression, raising a brow. “Now it’s your turn.”

You pouted for a second, hopes that he might forget you’d even offered totally dashed. “I don’t wanna say.”

“You have to!” Harry scoffed. “Those are the rules! I tell you, you tell me. You can’t cheat.”

“Fine..” You grumbled, already feeling your ears prickle with embarrassment. Again with the ‘rules’ business... You buried your face in his chest again, not daring to meet his eyes. You spoke into his sternum, your voice muffled entirely by the running water and his body in front of you.

“What was that?”

“I said-” You huffed, lifting your face to meet his expectant gaze. “I used to have a cardboard cutout of you.”

Harry’s mouth fell open, his eyebrows raising nearly to his hairline as he let out a loud giggle. “No fucking way…”

You just looked at him, giving him a sorry kind of look. He laughed again, eyes moving back and forth between yours. “Tell me you didn’t…” He spoke again when you didn’t answer. When you still didn’t say anything he took his face in his hands and started shaking with laughter, knees nearly buckling under him and he bent forward into your shoulder.

“I can explain!” You cried out, grabbing Harry by the shoulders. He looked at you, shaking his head in disbelief. “I didn’t have it in, like, a serious way! Logan bought it for me and-”

“No, no, no! I heard what you said!” Harry cackled. “You can’t backtrack now!”

“No, listen! Logan bought it for my birthday when I was, like, 16! Like as a joke, I swear!”

Harry crossed his arms, biting away his smile. “So what, I’m a joke to you?”

“No, I- I just mean I didn’t, like, buy it for myself or anything.” You crossed your arms, too, taking a step back from Harry. “I’m not crazy, or anything.”

“But you kept it in your room?” Harry asked almost like he already knew. You frowned at him for a second before nodding. 

“I did, but-”

Harry put his hand up to stop you. “That’s all I needed to know, darling. I get it- You’re obsessed with me and you always have been. I can’t blame you, no need to be embarrassed.”

You turned away from him, stepping back under the water as if it could wash away the color from your cheeks. Harry just continued giggling at himself as you reached around him to grab your shampoo. 

Harry stuck an arm out to stop you. “What outfit was I wearing? Was it one of those fucking blazers?”

“Leave me alone!” You cried out, letting Harry pull you back into him. You frowned against his chest. “I didn’t tease you at all about what you said! You’re being mean!”

“M’not!” He countered, pulling your face up for a chaste kiss. “I think it’s sweet.”

“It’s not sweet, it’s creepy…”

Harry looked at you for a second, grinning devilishly. “I mean, it is... But I won’t hold it against you.”

You rolled your eyes, reaching again for the shampoo. “As if using my shampoo isn’t just as bad, you… you… you weirdo.” You mumbled, earning another belly laugh. You stepped away from Harry, struggling to open the bottle for a second with slippery fingers. 

“Let me do it.” Harry stopped you, taking the bottle from you easily. You were feeling a bit grumpy after all of that even though you had been the one to offer to tell him something embarrassing, not even wanting to look at him anymore as you turned around. Your sour mood was only lessened slightly as you felt Harry’s hands move into your hair, massaging the shampoo into your scalp. You closed your eyes, letting your body relax under his touch. 

Harry turned you around, instructing you to keep your eyes closed as he rinsed the product out of your hair. Harry hummed softly, some song you remembered him playing for you earlier in the week. Next he combed your conditioner through your strands with his fingers, stopping every once in a while to press his lips against your cheek or shoulder or mouth. 

Once your hair was cleaned and conditioned and your brain gone totally fuzzy, Harry grabbed your loofa from the hook attached to the shower wall and poured a bit of your body wash onto it. (You had found some in the bottom of your suitcase a few days after arriving to Harry’s house, slightly to your disappointment. You kind of liked using Harry’s).

Harry raised your arm delicately by the wrist, running the soap over your skin agonizingly slow. If you weren’t careful you were certain you would fall asleep standing up, so you forced your eyes to stay open. You watched Harry as his eyes scanned over every part of you, his gaze following his hands as they moved down your legs and across your chest. You could tell straight away it was turning Harry on as he dragged his hands over you and you tried to force your eyes away from his hardening prick pressed nearly to your stomach. 

Harry put away the loofa when he was done with you, pulling you into his chest before you could rinse yourself off. His fingertips dragged up and down your body deliciously smoothly, making you shudder.

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked, his mood shifted completely from his playful teasing a few minutes ago. You were suddenly rendered speechless as you met his eyes, shaking your head. He smiled, giving you another deep kiss. “Good. Because there’s so much I want to do to you and it won’t be nearly as fun if you’re mad at me.” He cocked his head to the side, smirking. “Or maybe it would be, come to think of it…”

You didn’t say anything, just pressing yourself closer to him in the form of a response. You ran your hands up his back, looking up at him without any hint of humor or annoyance. You wanted him, more than anything, to do all the things he so badly wanted to do to you. 

Harry looked like he wanted to say more, changing his mind when he looked into your puppy dog eyes. He leaned down, locking his lips with yours in a kiss that was slow and sweet and wholesome. His hands, still slightly soapy, held your cheeks, thumbs brushing over your cheekbones. 

“I love you.” He mumbled, deepening the kiss. “You know that, right? I was only teasing you… I love you so much.”

“I know.” You answered breathlessly, hands running down his sides to rest on his hips. “I love you, too.”

He pulled away. “Yeah?”

You panted. “So much, baby.” He smiled down at you. “Kiss me.”

Harry listened, returning his lips to yours like it was a promise. He swore to you how much he loved you with the hands that dug into your hair, with his mouth that moved so effortlessly with your own, with his breathing that you could hear becoming more and more shallow. Eventually you couldn’t stand the anticipation, moving to whisper into Harry’s ear. 

“What were all those things you wanted to do to me?” You asked, out of genuine curiosity and the want to spur him on. He just laughed lightly. 

“Why? Feeling eager?”

You didn’t bother lying to him. “Yes.”

He liked that answer, kissing you again. You could feel him smiling against your lips and you could practically see the lightbulb flickering on above his head. 

“Something about being in the shower just turns you on, huh?” He asked, taking the underside of your jaw firmly in his hand as he moves his kisses to your neck. He turned your face to the side to give himself more access to your wet skin. His free hand came to your belly, slowly dragging down your slippery skin. “Can’t seem to keep your hands off yourself when you’re in here, can you?”

You bit down, sturdying yourself. “It was only twice…” You protested. Harry ignored you. 

“I’ve thought about that a lot since you told me about it, Sunflower…” He whispered, kisses landing almost on your ear at this point. “My pretty girl all wet and lonely, thinking about all the things I could do to her…”

You swallowed, the hand just above your throat making it slightly difficult. You couldn’t deny the way your body was burning for him right now at his words, even if it was meant to embarrass you. “That’s what you were doing, right? Touching yourself thinking about all the things you wanted me to do?”

You nodded against his grip as he pulled away to look at you. He wasn’t smiling the way you expected him to be, his face looking serious and almost pained with want. “Tell me what you were thinking about when you made yourself cum, Sunflower.”

You didn’t want to, but your mouth started moving almost instantly anyway. Harry’s eyes watched your lips move as you spoke, his own jaw shut so tight it looked like it would be sore in the morning. 

“I was thinking about the Halloween party, when I sucked you off in Rachel’s bathroom.” You panted, swallowing hard again at the end. “I was thinking about how you tasted and how you were pulling my hair and, and…” 

Harry cut you off when you found yourself too out of breath to keep taking. He kissed you again, moving his hand slightly lower on your abdomen. “That’s what you were thinking about while you got off? Putting me in your mouth?”

You whined in response, nodding frantically. You knew you must look silly and desperate, but you were falling apart at the seams and you just couldn’t help bending to him. Harry grunted at your answer. 

“You’re so hot. You’re, like, the dream girlfriend..” He gushed, speaking into your parted lips as he kissed you hungrily. His facade was cracking a bit, too, the same way yours was. Suddenly he took your wrist in his hand, pulling it down to rest on the soft of your belly. “Show me.”

You froze, feeling a cold wash over you despite the warm water hitting your back. Harry pulled away, swollen lips a dark raspberry color as he stared at you. “Show me how you do it, baby. I wanna see.”

You shook your head, feeling yourself catch fire everywhere. “I can’t-“

“You don’t have to. But wouldn’t it be fun if you did?” He moved to kiss you again, hand tightening even more under your jaw. He moved his lips so they brushed against your ear. “You’ve watched me do it.”

“You like being watched.” You retorted quickly. Harry chuckled, pulling away again. 

“I never knew I did, but I guess you’ve changed that for me.” He smirked. You swore the shower was suddenly ten times hotter as his eyes burned into yours. Harry pressed a thumb onto your lower lip, pulling your mouth open. He gazed at your parted lips, wetting his own with his tongue, before continuing. “If you don’t like it that’s fine. But if you at least try for me, I’ll fuck your pretty little mouth just like I did at the Halloween party. You want that, don’t you?”

You nodded. 

“That’s what I thought.” Harry grinned, pulling your hand again until it was pressed nearly against your center. Your arm was limp in his hold, not even trying to fight him as he moved you. “Go ahead and show me, baby. Gotta make sure I’m doing it right, yeah? You can teach me.”

You pressed two fingers right on your bundle of nerves, trying to hide the shiver that ran up your spine. “You do it better than I do.” You pouted, still giving Harry a hard time even as you did exactly as he said. He shook his head, eyes flickering down to your hand. 

“Teach me, baby.” He repeated. You breathed heavily for a second before nodding shyly. You were immediately pushed into the shower wall, not too roughly, able to tell right away how much Harry was restraining from shoving you into the tile with all his strength. You could basically feel the want rolling off of him as he kissed you hungrily, giving you the courage you needed to start moving your fingers against yourself. You let out a gasp at the feeling, making Harry pull away from the kiss quickly as his eyes snapped down at your hand.

“Fuck, baby…” He purred, sliding his free hand so it rested right on top of yours as it moved over yourself. He kept his other hand on your jaw, pressing you backwards, as he watched your hands move together. “You’re doing great, Sunflower. Bet that feels so good.”

You just moaned in response, the warmth spreading throughout your abdomen almost enough to distract from his eyes on you. Harry slowly moved his hand that cupped your jaw lower so that it was pressed against your throat. 

“Is this okay?”

You gulped. “Yes.”

He was quiet again as he watched you, aside from the sound of your heavy breathing mixing together. You were grateful for the closeness of your bodies, somehow feeling a little less embarrassed than you would have had Harry been standing back just staring. Every few seconds, as your arm moved slightly, you could feel Harry’s length brush against you. 

You felt that familiar ball of twine winding itself tighter in your belly, warning you that you were already close to finishing. Your heart pounded harder at the realization that Harry would be watching you as you came. He had so many times before, but for some reason this was different. 

You looked up at Harry’s face, waiting a few seconds for him to look back at you. Finally he met your eyes, your eyebrows turning downwards immediately in a silent plea. 

“Are you close?” He breathed out, his own brows furrowing so tightly you would have thought he was the one getting off. His cheeks were splotchy and red, like always, the familiarity of that same look on his face comforting you slightly. You nodded, giving Harry your best puppy dog eyes. 

Harry removed his hand from your throat, making you whine in disappointment. Harry gave you a half smile as his eyes searched every part of your face. His thumb came up again, opening your mouth and pressing against your warm tongue. You immediately closed your mouth around the digit, brows turning down even more as you felt yourself teetering right next to the edge. 

Harry’s mouth fell open watching you, his breathing becoming even more uneven. From what you could tell, he was getting off on all of this just as much as you were without even putting a hand on himself. He looked down at your hand again, watching for a second before looking back up at you. 

“Can I do it for you?” He asked, face looking almost embarrassed as he asked. “I wanna do it for you, baby, please.”

You nodded desperately, removing your hand from yourself and gripping Harry’s biceps instead with both hands. He didn’t flash a teasing smile the way you half expected, his expression totally fucked out and focused as his fingers found you. 

“You did so good for me, baby, fuck.” He panted, running his fingers through your folds. He let out a curse as he felt how wet you were, using the moisture on his fingertips as he pressed against your clit. “It was very nice of you to do that for me, thank you.”

You moaned unabashedly at his praise, sucking harder on his thumb still silencing you in your mouth. Harry kept his thumb there, using his forefinger to grip the underside of your chin, pulling your face up further so that you had no other choice but to look at him. 

“You’re so fucking precious.” He gasped, eyes watching your expression carefully. “But I got kind of jealous, to be honest. I want to be the one to make you cum. I do it better anyway, right?” You just whined at him as his fingers began moving even faster. “Answer me. Do I do it better than you do?”

“Mhmm.” You answered obediently, nodding frantically. He finally cracked a smile, nodding his head to mirror yours. 

“I know I do, baby. You do it better for me, too.” He kept his pace as you felt the burn in your tummy begin to rise. He could tell immediately just from your face that you were about to cum, pulling you by your chin so that he could whisper in your ear. “Cum for me and I’ll fuck you right here in this shower…”

That was plenty to push you over the brink, your legs nearly giving out as you came under Harry’s fingers. To your surprise he didn’t pull you back to look into his eyes this time, instead quickly taking his thumb for your mouth so that he could hold your head against his chest. He stroked the back of your hair, whispering to you how much he loved you and what a great job you were doing. “That’s so good, baby… Good girl….”

By the time he pulled his hand away, you were convinced you were only able to stay standing due to your hands still gripping hard on Harry’s arms. You looked, seeing the deep indents left in his skin from your nails, your head too foggy as you came down to stop yourself from speaking. 

“I hurt you.” You managed to speak through labored breaths. You ran a pointer finger over the marks left on his arm, Harry looking down to watch. 

“S��alright. Maybe I like to be hurt a little bit.” He dismissed you, pulling you in for a kiss. “You did so great, sunflower. You came so good for me.”

But you couldn’t move on that quickly, despite your body being pulled into his as always. “What did you say?”

“I said you did great.”

“Before that.”

Harry furrowed his brows, pulling back just a bit. Suddenly he huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “You mean about being hurt?”

You literally gulped. “Yeah.”

Harry just shrugged, sticking out his lower lip. “I mean, I dunno. Think it’s kind of fun sometimes, yeah?” You could only gape at him, blinking the droplets of water out of your eyes. “Why? You want to hurt me, Sunflower?”

You shook your head erratically, stumbling over your response. “What? No! No, I just-” You swallowed again, laughing awkwardly. “I just didn’t know if I heard you right, is all.”

“Well if you change your mind just let me know.” Harry teased you further, making you ache all over again for him. He pulled you into a slow, needy kiss. “I’d let you do whatever you want to me, flower. I’d let you do anything and I’d like it.”

You kissed him back, just humming softly in response because their were no words you could possibly say to him after something like that. Harry, after a few seconds more of sloppy kisses, got the same way he always did lately, words tumbling out of his mouth as if he couldn’t stop them if he tried. 

“That was so hot…” He panted, kissing you so desperately you could barely keep up. “I liked it a lot, baby, thank you for doing that. You’re the best girl, you hear me? The best. Fuck.”

You reached between your bodies, taking Harry’s length in your slightly shaky hand to silence him. Just as you expected, he sucked in a shaking breath, his rambling coming to an end almost instantly. 

“I like it when you tell me I did a good job.” You admitted, deciding to be honest. He continued kissing you, small noises coming from his lips every few seconds as you stroked him. 

“I know you do, love.” He responded. He rested his cheek on top of your head, hands coming to settle on your sides. “You really are the best girl. I’ve never done that with anyone, it was…” he paused to swallow, letting out a soft moan. “…exciting.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

You smiled to yourself, pleased. It felt nice that, even if Harry had been with more people than you ever had, there was still something special the two of you could say was only yours. Things he had done with you and no one else. You felt your chest swell with pride. 

“I wanna keep going but the water is cold.” You whispered after a second or two. By now the soap had been washed off of your shaking frame, and you were starting to shake a bit from the sting of the cold water splashing you. Harry stopped your hand on him, nodding. 

“You get out and go wait for me, okay?” He decided, though you could tell how much effort it was taking to make his voice seem level. “Let me shower and I’ll come lay down with you.”

You nodded, feeling awful that Harry was forced to shower in cold water now that you both had spent off of the warmth on other things. You felt your pulse quicken even still, your mouth going dry. “You want me to go to the bed?”

“Yes, now go.” He commended, pointing towards the shower door. “I’ll be right behind you, okay?”

You agreed, stepping out of the shower and hastily drying yourself off. Your mind was swimming with all of the things Harry had promised to do to you, hoping desperately that he hadn’t just said them in the heat of the moment. You picked up your sweatpants, looking at them for a second as you heard Harry beginning to wash his hair. You took a deep breath, speaking up loud enough to be heard over the water. 

“Should I get dressed?” You asked tentatively, sweatpants clutched tightly in your fists. You didn’t have to wait long for Harry’s response, which came almost as soon as your question reached his ears. 

“No.” He snapped. You could practically hear how frustrated he was, his voice tight. He poked his head out of the shower door, his wet hair sticking to his face. “Go get in bed and look pretty for me, yeah?”

You nodded, face heating up again. Harry watched you, and you thought you could see him shaking ever so slightly. You figured it was mostly from the icy cold water he was showering in, and partly from how pent up he was. You started to walk out before Harry reached out and grabbed your hand. “Gimme a kiss first.”

You did, leaning in for a quick peck which Harry greedily turned into a heated kiss. He leaned halfway out of the shower, wet hand gripping the back of your head roughly. “I wanna fuck you so bad I think I’m gonna die.” He breathed, pushing you away suddenly. “Now go so I can finish.”

You giggled, unable to stop yourself, skittering toward the bathroom door. You made it out, but not before Harry was able to land a solid slap onto your ass. You looked over your shoulder at him as he watched you leave, shutting the door behind you. 

///

“You know, if you’d told me before that you had an interview to do today, I would have been more careful.” 

Harry was humming softly in your ear, using a brush to paint foundation over the bruises he’d left all across your neck. You rolled your eyes, holding Harry’s waist as he leaned closer to the work he was doing covering up all your spots. 

After your shower, you’d done what Harry said and ran straight to the bedroom. Less than ten minutes later he was coming in, towel draped around his perfect waist, hair messy and wet and dripping onto his shoulders. You’d basically pounced on him once he’d arrived, knowing that this time you were actually going to do it. You could barely stand that wait, enjoying all of the fun and games as much as the next guy but wanting to actually feel Harry inside of you again. Harry had kissed you for a while but dodged your advances, almost freezing up when you hinted at what you wanted. “You have an interview to get ready for”, he’d reminded you, which only made your head spin more. Since when was Harry the type not to take advantage of every available second when it came to sex? He’d made you late on multiple occasions for an extra five minutes with you. Even when you told him you had plenty of time, he just nervously fiddled with his hands and shook his head, insisting that you should get ready and you would do “all of that” later. 

And now you were here, getting ready like he’d told you to, enjoying the smell of Harry’s freshly washed hair and trying not to seem too hurt by the fact that Harry had basically turned you down when you tried having sex with him. You tried your best not to think too much of it, but rejection was rejection and he clearly was not interested. He seemed almost unnerved by it, even. In any case, you forced your mind away from that and onto the task at hand.

“I did tell you.” You laughed, “You just weren’t listening to me, apparently.”

“Hm..” Harry hummed, turning your chin with a finger to get to the other side of your neck. He was back to his normal self now, as if nothing had even happened in the bedroom at all. You supposed he must have been right to act that way, since it really wasn’t a big deal. “Must have been distracted, I guess.” He added smugly. 

He threw you a sideways smirk, making you roll your eyes again. You really weren’t annoyed; you would’ve let Harry mark you up however he wanted to regardless of what plans you had or what appearances you had to make. 

“Distracted using me as a chew toy.” You teased him, feeling his chuckle hit your cheek in the form of a warm puff of air. “How’d you learn to cover up hickies, anyway?”

“You act like I’ve never had one before.” Harry snickered, pulling away a few steps and squinting before setting the brush down. “I’ve seen many makeup artists cover many hickies. I’ve learned a trick of two in my time.”

“It kind of sounds like you're bragging, babe..” You grinned, leaning into his chest. Harry positioned himself between your thighs again where you sat up on the bathroom counter, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. “You’re making me jealous.”

“And you expect me to believe Hudson never gave you a hickey before?” Harry’s voice rattled against your ear, an exaggerated kind of annoyance added to his voice at the mention of the infamous ex-boyfriends name. “I bet he did, huh? Makes me angry just thinking about it. Picturing him kissing you like that… Makes me sick.”

“You sound crazy.” You giggled, selfishly enjoying the way Harry always got so bent out of shape when you mentioned his name. “He really was nice, he just-“

“I’ll kill him.” Harry insisted, pulling you away to grab your face. “Next time we’re in St. Louis. Does he still live there?”

“Harry!” You gasped, your abdomen a bit sore from all the laughing you’d been doing. “I was going to say- He’s a really nice guy, but he never made me feel like you do. Not even close.”

“Don’t care how nice he was, Sunflower.” Harry shook his head. “I hate him. I always have.”

“You’re jealous.”

“Of course I am.”

You just stared at each other silently, a subtle blush painting your cheeks. “Imagine how I feel, then. While I was dating Hudson you were dating Kendall Fucking Jenner. That’s, like, the ultimate insecurity. I definitely have it worse than you do.”

“Never heard of her.” Harry laughed, kissing along your jaw. “I’ve only ever loved you. Anyone else I ever slept with… No I didn’t. I have absolutely no recollection.”

“You’re a pest.”

“A pest who made you cum twice this morning.” Harry scolded you, that same cocky expression on his face. “Watch your mouth.”

You couldn’t ignore the way your stomach tightened hearing him say that, but you acted unphased. “Alright, well…” You choked out, hopping off of the counter and passed Harry. “I have an interview to do. You wanna come?”

Harry had already taken your arm in his as you walked past him, tailing along behind you as you headed down the hall. Glued to you the same way he had been since last night. You mentally prepared yourself, getting ready to answer any and all questions that would be thrown at you in only a few minutes. You rehearsed silently what you would say, how you would smile, how fast you would talk. You went over the list of things Bethany always nagged you about, feeling woefully illprepared without her by your side. 

You did everything you were supposed to, focusing in as much as you could, and yet you were still distracted by that tickling in the back of your mind. That tickle that had formed as you watched Harry’s face change and shrink when you’d made a move on him. The way his hands had danced around each other. The way he wouldn’t meet your eyes. 

As nervous as you were to actually sit down and be a celebrity again after what felt like years, you couldn’t only really think of one thing. 

Harry didn’t want to have sex with you.

///

“So how are you holding up, Y/N? How’s it been quarantining?” 

You adjusted your position on the chair you were sat in, huffing out a breath. 

“It’s actually been really nice.” You admitted with a bit of a smile. “It’s been kind of a shock to the system, honestly. But having some time to just do nothing has really been a nice change of pace.”

You were a digital guest on Jimmy Fallon tonight, something your mom had been talking about incessantly for weeks now. You made sure you were presentable, covering up every spot and making sure every hair was in place the way Bethany would’ve wanted. You sat in the piano room, Harry just a few feet away on the bench twirling a straw around in his glass of juice. You perched yourself in the same spot you and Harry always used for these things, the two of you having designated the bare, plain wall as the best backdrop since it wouldn’t be recognizable as the same place. 

“I bet it has been a shock.” Jimmy laughed, though you hadn’t even made a joke. “I’ve been going a bit stir crazy here, but I’ve had plenty of time to spend with the kids and my wife so I can’t really complain.” He took a step back, gesturing to his sweatpants he had on just out of frame. “And best of all, I don’t even have to wear pants to work anymore! It’s, like, the greatest feeling ever!”

You threw your head back in a laugh, standing to reveal your own sweats (or technically Harry’s sweats) under your blouse Harry had picked out for the interview. “I’m wearing sweats, too!” You giggled, doing a spin. “It’s incredible, isn’t it?”

Jimmy just laughed, nodding along. “It really is! So, tell me how you’ve been keeping yourself busy. Working on any new music?”

“Oh, gosh, no.” You shook your head. “I’ve been writing a little bit, but I’m taking a much needed break from everything else. Mostly I’ve just been, you know… eating toast and sitting around doing nothing.”

“And you’re in London, right?” Jimmy asked, “How did that all happen?”

“Well I was already here and the day I was supposed to leave everything kind of shut down.” You breathed, biting away your smile at the now pleasant memory. “So I called pretty much every person I knew and eventually decided to stay with a friend of mine.”

“A friend?” Jimmy teased, eyebrows raising. “A friend that I would know?”

You pursed your lips, turning your chin up slightly. “I don’t think I’ll say.” You teased, flipping your hair over your shoulder. 

“So it is!”

You shook your head, waving a hand in dismissal. “No, I’m just kidding. It's actually just an old friend of mine.” You let your eyes flicker up to Harry, who was leaning on a fist now and just…. Staring. And smiling like a schoolboy in love. You remembered what he’d said before in his own interview, when he’d dodged the question about you. You smiled at him for a second before repeating his answer, tearing your eyes away from him long enough to look back at the screen. “For the sake of their privacy, I probably shouldn’t say.”

“Understandable.” Jimmy laughed, nodding along. “So tell me a bit more about this toast you’ve been eating.”

“Well, it’s not very good, for one thing. At least that’s what I’ve been told.”

///

Harry somehow kept pushing all of your plans back today. First he wanted to make out on the couch, which you were happy to agree to, then he wanted to make lunch and repaint your toenails and braid your hair. (“I’m really good at it!”, he’d insisted, tugging on your leg that was outstretched towards him. “Let me see if I can do it!”). Eventually you told him with enough force that you had to call your mom, and he actually relented on the condition that he get to talk to her. You fought him on it for a second before thinking it might be a bit funny surprising your mom with him. 

She knew you were here, you’d spoken to her almost every day, but you hadn’t had a chance to tell her what had happened between you yet. So you dialed the phone, holding it out between your bodies as you sat criss-crossed on the floor, pressing the speaker button. 

“Hello little frog!!” Your mom sang out. You could hear the TV on in the background, and you could basically feel how cozy your house back in St. Louis felt. “How are you doing, lovebug?”

“I’m great!” You chirped, looking up at Harry who was trying desperately to hide his snickering. “I actually wanted to tell you something-“

“Is it about Harry?” Your mom spit out, voice hushed to a whisper. “Did you talk to him about everything yet?”

“Yeah, actually-“

“How did it go??” She was telling now, springing up from the couch for sure. “Oh, gosh. I’m so excited! What did he say? Did you make up? Did he buy you more flowers again?”

“Mom..” You warned, feeling your face warm. “I- uh, yeah. We made up.”

“Oh my god!!” She yelled, emotion thick in her voice. “Oh my goodness, sweetheart. Oh wow. Is he there? Can I talk to him?”

Before you could answer, Harry was snatching the phone and taking it off speaker, running out of the room before you could stop him. 

“Anna it’s me!!” You heard him shouting, a smile in his voice. “It’s me, Harry! Hi! Anna, hi!”

You rolled your eyes, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t expect this from him. You tiptoed down the hall, listening in on Harry who was holed up with the piano. 

“Yeah, I know.” Harry was gushing, his footsteps giving away the fact that he was pacing excitedly. “I know…. Yeah… I know!!”

There was a pause, and in the second of silence you realized you were cheesing like a idiot. Your heart felt warm and soft. Like everything was how it was supposed to be. 

“I will…” Harry continued. “Yes, I know…. Yes… I promise I will.” 

It got quiet before you heard him talk again, his voice now hushed in an effort to keep you from hearing him. 

“She is, yeah. She’s good…. Uh-huh… Yes, I’m feeling better… Yeah…” You pressed harder to the door, trying desperately to keep up. “Yeah, I did. I missed you so much, I can’t even tell you.”

Harry laughed at something your mom had said, the noise clear and bright as it entered the hallway. 

“You know I only let her stay here so I could talk to you again, Anna. It was all just a ploy…” He laughed again, cackling fully. “And you can tell your husband to watch his back, okay? I mean it. And tell him I say hello.”

Finally he reappeared, swinging open the door like he knew exactly where you’d be standing. You trotted into the room passed him, laying on the carpet on your back as you had your turn to talk to your mom. 

“Put it on speaker.” Harry whispered, to which you didn’t even try to argue. You both listened to her rattle on and on about all of the things she’d been up to, like the potluck at work and her attempt to get into knitting. You were so content just listening to her talk that you didn’t even notice at first that Harry had fallen asleep next to you, head resting on your chest and hands folded under his cheek. 

“Hey, I have to go.” You eventually said, letting out a tired sigh. “You’ve put Harry straight to sleep with all your yammering.”

“Sounds about right.” She giggled before letting out her own, long sigh. “My little rockstars.. I love you both so very much. Be nice to him, okay? He’s had a rough few months.”

“I am being nice.” You groaned, amazed you’d made it this far into the conversation before she started this line of questioning. “I promise.”

“I mean it, honey. And I’m not even talking about everything between the two of you, either. I mean he’s been through a lot. He’s really had a hard time.”

You frowned, pausing your fingers where they threaded into his hair. “I know, mom.”

“I know you do. I’m just saying.” She paused, a quiver in her voice when she spoke again. “I’m happy for you, sweetheart. I’m just so happy.”

As if on cue, you started tearing up, too. The same as always. “I am, too.” You told her, resting your cheek on top of Harry’s head. “I am, too.”

/// 

When you woke up, Harry was gone. 

And somehow you’d slept for hours. You were passed out on the floor in the piano room, but now you had a blanket tucked around you like a cocoon. 

You sat up, back stiff and uncomfortable, joints cracking all over. You rubbed at your eyes, which were still stuffy with sleep, before softly padding out of the room and into the hall. Almost instantly you were bombarded with nagging and traitorous thoughts about how Harry had rejected you earlier, thinking it must not be a coincidence that he had been entirely uninterested and was now no where to be found when he had been glued to you all morning. 

You must have done something, or said something, or looked a certain way that made him change his mind. You must have done something wrong to make him switch up on you so suddenly when he’d spent the last 24 hours whispering in the heat of the moment how bad he wanted to fuck you, to bend you over the sink or take you in the shower and push you against the door. You couldn’t for the life of you figure out what had changed since then, considering you were maybe just overreacting, as you continued down the hall. Maybe he really was just worried about your interview. That had to be it.

“Harry?” You called out, a little unnerved by the silence. When there was no answer you went deeper into the house, traveling up the stairs. While you were walking you thought you heard a voice coming from Harry’s room, causing you to freeze for a second to trace the sound. Sure enough, you could hear Harry talking to someone. You took a few steps closer, pausing outside the door to listen. 

It reminded you a lot of the night at the Halloween, you crouched in the hall listening in on a conversation you were never meant to hear. In your defense, you weren’t trying to be nosy. You just didn’t want to walk in if Harry was having a conversation about work, or something important. So, you stood there and listened, letting your sore muscles relax at the sound of his voice. 

“-and I told her it wasn’t going to fucking happen. She’s still being a bitch about it, though.”

It was Anders talking, which came as no surprise to you. 

“Don’t call your mom a bitch.” Harry chastised him, despite the slight chuckle in his voice. “She’s trying her best.”

“Well her best isn’t very fucking good. And she is a bitch.” Anders went on, not joining in on Harry’s laughter. “I just can’t stand it here, man. I’m about to go fucking insane cooped up here. I’d rather be in LA fuckin’ alone. I’d rather be on drugs.”

“Don’t fucking say that.” Harry barked. You could practically see the crease in his brows as he let out a shaky exhale. “You’re going to be fine, okay? You’re okay. Count to ten.”

“I’ve been fucking counting.”

“Well count some more.” Harry stopped him. “Count to fucking one thousand if you have to. You’re okay. Are you hearing me? You’re fine.”

There was a long silence, a silence that sent an ache into each of your bones. You knew it wasn’t the right time to walk in, but you also couldn’t drag yourself away. 

“So how did it go with Y/N?” Anders asked after what felt like hours. “Did you tell her how you felt or what?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah I did.” Harry responded. The chill in his voice had completely dissolved now, an airiness to it now that made your chest flutter all over. “I told her everything.”

“You’re a fucking liar.”

“I’m not!” Harry laughed. “I did. I told her everything.”

Anders hummed for a second. “Everything?”

“Yeah.”

More silence. Then a little giggle. “Okay. Oh my god. I’m trying not to lose my shit right now, fuck. Okay.” Anders let out a literal squeal like you’d never heard him make before, forcing you to press a palm over your mouth to stifle your own laugh. “Holy shit. Okay. Tell me everything, okay? Holy shit.”

“Just don’t laugh at me, okay?” Harry giggled with him. You imagined him sprawled out on his tummy, feet kicked up in the air as he spoke. You were almost certain that’s how he looked right now. “So Bethany called and was all like ‘I got a house for you’.”

His impression of Bethany was atrocious, but you gave him points for the subtle aloofness he gave to her quote. She always seemed disinterested and somehow intrigued at the same time.

“No..” Anders gasped. “Did you freak out? You freaked out, didn’t you?”

“No. Or, yeah.” Harry recanted, “I just told her I wanted her to stay.”

“And?”

“And she was all like.. ‘Why should I stay?’”

Anders huffed out a laugh. “Of course she was...”

“Right. But I think I blacked out for the next, like, 45 minutes, because I don’t even know what happened. We just talked about everything.”

“Everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Like how you slept in bed with me for a week because you ‘just missed her sooooo much’?” Anders giggled, earning an offended ‘hey..’ from Harry. 

“We decided we wouldn’t talk about that.”

“You decided…”

Harry mumbled something about shutting the fuck up, though the two had succumbed totally to a fit of giggles. They stayed like that for a while, snickering like two kids in the back of a classroom. Eventually the sound died down, just as your abs were beginning to hurt from stiffling your own laughter so hard. 

“Anyway,” Harry breathed out in a sigh. “You know what happened next?”

“She told you to fuck off?”

“She kissed me.” 

Harry spit the words out in a voice that didn’t even sound like him, the grin more than evident in the sound. 

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m serious.“

“You’re a lair!”

“I’m dead fucking serious!” Harry continued. You heard him shifting behind the door, probably sitting up. “I thought I was going to fucking die, dude. Like my heart was beating so hard I was actually scared I would have a fucking heart attack.”

“I’m freaking the fuck out right now.” Anders chirped. “I’m freaking out. Holy shit. Holy shit, dude. Fuck.”

“I know!” Harry agreed, “I’m still freaking out. I’ve been, like, shaking all day. She slept in my bed with me and everything last night. Felt like a fuckin movie, man.”

“So you fucked, then?” Anders said, getting an offended scoff in response. 

“Shut the fuck up.“

“What?” Anders scoffed right back. “You get laid for the first time in months after literally cuddling me to sleep and you won’t even tell me about it?”

It was quiet for a minute, the gears no doubt spinning full speed in his pretty little head. Finally he spoke again. 

“We didn’t have sex.” Harry admitted, a bit quieter now. “But we did, like, everything else. Multiple times.”

“Let’s fucking go!” Anders screamed, “That’s what I’m talking about!” 

“I know, right?” Harry bubbled. “It was awesome.”

“Better than just kissing her, for sure.” Anders said. “Been there done that. Kind of underwhelming, to be honest.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m just saying!” Anders laughed. “I’ve kissed her before and it was honestly kind of a bore. Not the best kisser I’ve come across, that’s for su-“

“Yeah, okay, fucker. Remind me how my dick tastes again?” Harry cut him off, though the only edge to his voice was a humorous one. 

“The only good part of the kiss, bro.” Anders teased him, making you roll your eyes so hard they almost fell out of your head. “I swear it.”

“Say something about kissing my girlfriend again and see what fucking happens.”

“Girlfriend, huh?”

“Uh-huh.”

It got really quiet for a second after that, when you suddenly heard a sad kind of whimper. It took you a second to realize it was Anders. 

“I’m fucking stoked for you, man.” Anders choked out, shoving the emotion out of his voice. “I mean it. I’m losing my fucking mind over this.”

All Harry could offer was an equally as strangled. “Me too.”

“So does this mean we aren’t having sleepovers anymore when you come home?” Anders spoke eventually. “No more rom coms at my place?”

“Don’t be crazy.” Harry giggled. “I wouldn’t give that up for the world, bro.”

///

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, just listening. You felt bad for eavesdropping, really, but the sounds of them talking warmed you up in every corner. You had laid down on the floor now, curled up in a ball as you listened to them talk about movies and new smoothie recipes and who had written more songs in lock down. Eventually, just as you were about to pry yourself off the hardwood to run down the hall to the bathroom, you heard Harry’s tone get serious and soft.

“Can I be vulnerable with you for a second, bro?” He asked. You furrowed your brow for a second, nearly laughing out loud at his choice of words but choking it down just in time. 

“Always, brother.” Was Anders' response. They were ridiculous, you decided. Basically an old married couple.

“Don’t laugh.”

“Won’t.”

“Okay…” Harry began, that same hesitation in his voice he’d had so many times with you before. “So you know how I told you we haven’t actually had sex yet? Well, I just… I mean.. Honestly, I haven’t had sex with her yet because I’m too scared.”

You braced yourself for the giggling, but it never came. “Why, man?“ Anders asked, only giving you a split second to commend him mentally for his maturity before he added: “Afraid you’ll bust too fast?”

“No, that’s not-“ Harry spoke, only to let out his own dry chuckle. “I mean, yeah. But that’s not what I mean. I’m just worried because I want it to be perfect, you know? Like I just feel a lot of pressure over it because I fucked it up so bad before and I feel like half the times we’ve even had sex are just bad memories for her. What if I fuck it up?” Anders didn’t say anything, letting Harry totally unload before offering his thoughts. “Like it’s really important to her. And then I’m thinking, you know, what if I do have sex with her and then she decides she wants nothing to do with me? Like what if she changes her mind? I won’t ever come back from that, bro, I won’t. I won’t. It’ll kill me.”

Anders didn’t speak for a while, mulling the words over in his mind. “I think whatever happens will be perfect for her, man.” Anders responded. “If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. She’ll fuckin respect that, dude. Don’t think so much about it.”

“I can’t help it.”

“You can.” Anders said firmly. “You have to. You won’t be able to enjoy all of this if you’re just scared the entire time that it won’t work out.”

Harry sighed, the sound of him being stuck in his head all too familiar to you. “I mean… you’re right. And I’m trying but I just.. Fuck, man. You know? I’m freaking out.”

“So stop.”

“I’m trying to!” Harry insisted, clearly exasperated. “The only reason I’m talking to you now is because I haven’t been able to stay away from her for more than five minutes. She’s asleep downstairs right now and even this is fucking killing me, because what if I go back downstairs and she’s, like, gone? Or she wakes up and decides she wants to leave after all?” He let out an exhausted breath before continuing. “She’s probably fucking sick of me already, I’ve been glued to her all day. Like a fly. And I’m doing everything I can to show her how much I like her, to make it all up to her, and it just doesn’t feel like enough. I just… Fuck, I don’t know. I’m so in love with her it’s like I’m in pain. It hurts everywhere.”

Harry breathed heavily for a second. “I’ve done everything, man. We’re talking like almost ten times, if you know what I mean. I just want her to know I like her, you know? I don’t know how else to prove it other than that.”

“First of all, ew.” Anders groaned. “Second of all, there’s a million other things you can do other than that to prove that you like her. Let your actions speak for you, y’know?”

“Making her cum is an action.”

“That’s-“ Anders let out a deep sigh, giggling jo matter how hard he tried to hold it in. “You know that’s not what I mean. You just need to talk to her. Tell her how you’re feeling.”

“I am.”

“Okay, well fuck me and my advice, I guess.” Anders huffed. “Do you want my honest opinion or not?”

“Give it to me.”

“I think you’re doing that thing where you think something terrible is about to happen when it’s not. You know that thing you’ve been working on?” Harry hummed along softly, probably nodding to himself. “Yeah, that. So just fuckin stop it. I’m telling you honestly that I know for a fact that she’s obsessed with you. Like, actually insane. She acted like she was fine this whole time but she slept in your shirts for weeks, bro. I walked into her house once and she was watching fucking ‘Harry Styles Funny Moments’ on YouTube.”

At that absolutely horrifying admission, (something Anders had sworn he’d never speak of, by the way), Harry let out the sweetest most heart wrenching little laugh you’d ever heard. 

“You’re saying that to make me feel better.”

“I really, genuinely wish that I was.” Anders said dryly, making you wince. So much for taking that secret to the grave. “You’re gonna be fine, man. I promise. And if you decide you want to have sex with her-“

“I do. I really fucking do.”

“Jesus, okay. Well, whenever you decide to do that, maybe talk to her first. Tell her how you’re feeling. Have a fuckin heart to heart, bro.”

“Yeah, because that’s really gonna get her going. Hey babe, I know you’re trying to get fucked right now, but would you mind if I talk about my insecurities first?”

“You’ll be fine.” Anders retorted with a snort. “You know how you’re always telling me I’m okay? That I’m going to be fine? I always listen to you, man. So fuckin give me some credit here and just listen to me for once, okay? You’re going to be fine.”

“I’ll be fine.” Harry repeated, albeit a bit shakily. “I’ll be fine.”

[gender-trash]

any advice for people who want to sew/fix their own clothes but can’t afford to spend $150+ on a sewing machine? the only machine i have access to is the one at my university library, which is older than god and jams if you so much as breathe on it wrong

honestly i’m going to recommend you do it by hand — that’s how people made and repaired clothes for nearly all of recorded human history! and for small repairs i find that it’s not all that much slower, especially when you factor in machine setup time etc. i prefer to use a big embroidery needle because my eyes suck and it’s still sharp but easy to thread and use; i also like to use thicker thread or even 2-3 plies pulled off of 6-ply embroidery floss, since most machine thread is thin and can be snapped in your hands and i just don’t trust it :p (specifically what i use for thick thread is a spool of “mercerized” cotton thread i inherited from my grandma’s quilting supplies, and i have *no* idea how old it is or where to get more… but that’s a problem for future me!)

other than a needle and thread, you honestly don’t need all that much other stuff — a metal thimble, maybe, if you’re working with thick fabrics like denim, and fabric scissors if you find that your normal scissors are driving you up the wall. maybe a few pins? i dunno, i can almost never be assed to pin stuff. also “sewing kits” are a scam and always come with the world’s worst thread, just grab a pack of needles and some thread separately and stick em in a pencil case or something if you want a nice little bag.

if you care about colormatching you’ll want at least a spool of white and a spool of black or dark blue. im not going to go into too much detail here, but bernadette banner has some nice tutorial videos on hand sewing technique if you’re not familiar! anyway it *does* feel painfully slow at first but the more you practice the faster you get, and the equipment is definitely cheaper and easier to store than a whole sewing machine. plus if you’re already doing the other repairs by hand it’s easier to do more decorative/embroidery type stuff like satin-stitching over the worn edges of pockets (and even darning holes!) than it is to do that kind of thing by machine.

satin-stitch to reinforce a worn pocket edge at left — all my watch pockets wear like this because i use them to store a small multitool with a keyring dangling out the top of the pocket :/ and at the right, blanket stitch used to kinda-decoratively attach a green patch. i think i literally sewed this patch on while the pajama pants were on my body. (the base fabric is ridiculously worn bc this is my Pajama Pants of Theseus project, in which i will continue to patch and repair these stupid pants until no part of the original fabric remains.)

also from the pajama pants of theseus project — you can kinda just tuck under raw edges and whipstitch over them, when you’re hand-sewing a patch over a hole. (i guess on a machine you would replicate this with a zigzag stitch.)

on the other hand, if you don’t want to hand-sew and have the space for a machine but not the money, i’d recommend stalking craigslist for a while, and potentially going to some estate sales if you have the time — people often get rid of machines for free or cheap when the family member who sews has died and they don’t really know what it’s worth. (i got a serger for free off craigslist a while back!! not even from an estate sale — a sewing studio was shutting down and getting rid of all their stuff.) i guess if you’re not familiar with mechanical stuff like that it might be hard to tell if they’re in good repair or can easily be restored to full function, but as a rule of thumb, if it has a metal casing/all-metal gears you can probably just blow the dust out and clean + oil it (materials needed: compressed air, mineral spirits, sewing machine oil, maybe some grease for the gears) and it’ll be back in business.

let me know if you’d like me to elaborate on any of this stuff, or want any more advice! i can talk about sewing and sewing-adjacent topics ALL day, but this is an Advice Post so i’d like to stay at least *somewhat* on-topic.

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Nine-pt1) (Final)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 13.6k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (!!!), mentions of sex, protected sex, jealous!oc, sensual touching, dry humping, oral (female rec.) face riding

Notes: The end is finally here! But no worries I will most likely do drabbles for you guys:) Thank you SO much for reading this story and sending so many loving comments. Enjoy this last chapter of ‘Always You’ and feel free to send me an ask to chat about the story, I LOVE talking with ya’ll!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @hsneptune @betysotelo18 @aclowe13 @bishuthot @271101 @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @bunnyjeonjk @surfacesanity @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch @not-your-lion @flowersgirl02 @justinetingball @fiantomartell @fairysunooo @taebae19 @hardcarrykookie @fancycollectormoon

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous ---Next

~~~~~~~~~

December

Jungkook stares into his bathroom mirror and sees and feels nothing, absolutely nothing. He looks into his eyes and see nothing behind them. He tries to smile, but falls short. Does this have anything to do with the fact he told you he loves you but you completely misunderstood him? Yup, it probably has everything to do with that.

But Jungkook also feels like shit. He let his feelings become too overwhelming in the moment that he totally and completely forgot he has a girlfriend. So, he is almost glad that you most definitely thought he was just telling you he loves you like one normal friend to another instead of him confessing his deep and passionate feelings towards you. Yup, totally glad.

So, now he looks into the mirror and actually does see and feel something: Shame. Guilt.

And regret. Regret is written all over his face. Not regret because he told you he loves you, no. Regret that he didn’t tell you 4 years ago how he feels. Even if you didn’t feel the same he thinks he should have had the courage, instead he slept with you like a fucking idiot. But that is something he can’t get himself to regret at all…he just can’t regret that amazing night he shared with you.

“Bro! You have been in there for like ever dude, I gotta take a piss!” Jungkook hears Nick from the other side of the door, his insistent banging going completely ignored by Jungkook.

“Seriously man, I will pee in the fucking sink!” Nick threatens and Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah man, I’m coming.” He looks into the mirror one last time before taking one deep breath and turning towards the bathroom door.

“Bathroom’s all yours.” Jungkook says as he opens the door with Nick already pushing past him.

“Fucking finally!” Nick doesn’t even bother to shut the door behind him as he quickly approaches the toilet to release himself.

Jungkook walks into his room and pulls out his phone as he sits on the edge of his bed. He goes through his message threads, his fingers hovering over your name when he gets to you.

It’s been a few weeks since the trip to your parent’s house. He had such an amazing time. That Saturday your mom cooked one of her famous homemade meals…something Jungkook hasn’t really had in years. Your dad would casually slip in the word ‘son’ in conversation, making Jungkook’s heart glow. You laughed and talked and cried and just looked so at home the entire time, like all your worries were vanishing.

He knows you’re struggling with what to do…but going abroad? Were you serious? You mentioned it to your parents too while there visiting and they loved the idea…making Jungkook’s heart sink. They just encouraged you more while you were there…telling you it was such a fun, and great idea and that it totally suits you. This only made you feel more motivated…Jungkook could see that.

Jungkook wants nothing but the best for you…he just wants you to be happy. Your happiness is his happiness but how could he survive if you left? How could he go a day without seeing you? Or worse…a week? A month? A whole fucking year? He went three months without you and he spiraled pretty bad.

Jungkook continues to sit here, his fingers right over your name and he clicks it.

Jungkook 8:14pm

I have a cold beer with your name on it

y/n 8:21pm

:( I cant hang tonight, sorry boo…im hanging with yoongs and tae. You can come by if youd like to?

Jungkook 8:22pm

No no its okay, you have fun :))

Jungkook brings his phone to his chest, right over his beating heart and he sighs out in frustration. Why can’t everything just be easy? Why is everything so complicated?

~~~~~~~

“And I will be the youngest curator they’ve ever had at this museum!” Tae finishes proudly, cheering his wine glass with yours and Yoongi’s.

“That’s so amazing Tae.” You bring your glass back to your mouth and take a gulp in his honor.

“Proud of you, kid.” Yoongi smiles fondly at Taehyung and you can’t help but also feel very proud. Taehyung got offered the main curator position at the museum of art downtown and you three are at the record shops cozy corner celebrating.

“Anything else new going on?” Taehyung asks, he eyes both you and Yoongi. “Like, any new love interests? Job offers? Juicy drama? Literally anything.”

“Nothing from me.” You laugh, you and Taehyung look over at Yoongi who is sipping his wine with the biggest blush painted on his cheeks.

“Yoongi?” you pry. “Did something new happen with you?”

“Well…I wouldn’t really call it news.” He begins shyly, “But I maybe met someone.”

You and Taehyung share a look of shock and excitement.

“Wait dude, you mean like a romantic interest?” Taehyung asks, setting his glass down on the table.

“Yeah, like you have a crush on someone?” You smile at Yoongi and his blush deepens.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he admits, “But they’re really nice and have been coming in the store every week and we sort of just end up talking…and they asked for my number—”

“This is definitely a romantic interest!” Taehyung basically shouts. “Did you give it?”

“Yes…” Yoongi takes another sip of his wine, his eyes sliding to the side. “Did I mention they’re cute?”

“You in fact, did not mention that.” You say with a grin. “I’m happy for you Yoongs.”

“I think I’ll ask them out, what do you guys think?” Yoongi whispers.

“I think that’s a great idea man!” Taehyung basically shouts again and you laugh.

“I think I really admire you for going for it…” You sigh. You wish you had that kind of courage.

“You know…” Yoongi sets his wine glass down, and turns in his seat to face you, “It takes a lot of bravery to open up to someone…it takes a lot of strength to admit when you’re wrong and to admit when things aren’t going right. It takes real courage to open your heart to someone like, romantically. You’re like, the coolest human being in the world if you can do those things.” Yoongi folds his hands out in front of him, he bites his lip as he thinks.

“y/n…you don’t have to be some sort of super human.”

You tilt your head in confusion…you thought Yoongi was going to a place where he tells you to go for it too.

“You shouldn’t always be the one doing things. Others need to form the courage too. You’re worth it. You’re worth that risk…that you may not feel the same. Trust me, I would know.” He chuckles light heartedly. “I think he will come around.”

“I don’t know about that.” Taehyung cuts in. “I want to believe he will but…” Taehyung looks over at you with pity. “…He’s…” Taehyung doesn’t know what to say without spilling anything so he decides to let the words die on his tongue.

“To be honest with you guys…” You reach for your glass of wine and chug back the remainder of what’s in the glass rather quickly before slamming it back down on the table.

“New Year’s Eve.” You say. “Four years ago. Something happened. Something major, he…”

“Four years ago, New Year’s Eve?” Taehyung scrunches his brows together as he tilts his head. “Wait something happened between you two?” you only nod your head at Taehyung’s question.

“Did Jungkook say what he wanted to say?” Taehyung asks with big eyes, completely shocked, this is news to him. But now it’s your turn to tilt your head in confusion.

“Say what he wants to say? What are you talking about?”

“Huh? Uh,” Taehyung guesses it’s not what he’s thinking. “It’s nothing. So what happened?”

“We slept together.” You blurt out quickly, giving yourself no time to regret it.

You hear Yoongi chuckle from beside you and you snap your head in his direction.

“What? What’s so funny?” you ask.

“You thought I didn’t already assume that? That you two haven’t already slept together?”

“Damn,” you say, “Observant as usual.”

“WAIT WHAT?” Taehyung sputters out, quite fucking loudly.

You guess Taehyung isn’t as observant.

“We got kind of drunk, kissed at midnight and went back to his dorm and you know…”

Realization hits Taehyung hard. When Jungkook was pissed about the fact Taehyung slept with you it wasn’t just because he was some heroic friend. It was also because Jungkook has already had you and he knows he doesn’t like to share. Fuck.

“Holy fuck, y/n.” Taehyung closes his eyes for a moment, “Wait, and you guys didn’t talk about it after? Didn’t he have something to tell you perhaps?”

“What are you talking about? He totally brushed it off. So I got bitter and didn’t talk to him for a month. Now we just…I don’t know, we just…I feel like we are more than friends but less than lovers.”

“Makes total sense.” Yoongi adds, “You two are that but more than anything you two are complete and total idiots.” “Well, that we can agree on.” Taehyung grins.

~~~~~~

It’s the middle of December meaning it’s time to do your Christmas shopping! You, Trina and Holly are at the mall perusing around and trying to find the perfect gifts.

“Let’s do what we always do y/n.” Trina bumps her elbow into your side, with a smile on her face.

“Couldn’t agree more.” You respond.

“And what do you two always do?” Holly asks, feeling a little left out.

“Oh you know, we agree to no presents.” You say, “One less person to stress over, that’s our gift to each other.”

“Wow.” Holly deadpans, “You guys are so lame.”

“Or are we geniuses?” Trina asks with a grin, she walks closer to Holly and links arms with her, “But don’t worry Hol, I am getting you something.”

“Good.” Holly says, a shy smile making its way on her face.

“Me too!” you say trying to include yourself. “What would you like anyway? Just show me and I’ll buy it for you!”

“That takes out all the fun in gift giving.” Holly pouts, “It’s supposed to be a surprise!”

“Ah, fuck.” Trina spits out, “I suck at gift giving. Just tell us what you want.” She whines.

“No!” Holly laughs. “Look, I’ll be back.” She gestures towards her left, “I gotta use the bathroom.” She waves at you and Trina and walks away.

“Dude what am I going to get Holly?” Trina asks you, her frustration as clear as day. “It’s got to be special.” She adds in shyly. Special? Now’s your time to finally ask her what is up with her and Holly.

“Why special?”

“Oh you know.” Trina’s sheepish grin gives her away. “I don’t got to say it, when you know.”

“Fair enough.” You laugh. “Oh!” you point towards the window of one of the stores to your right, “You see those mugs? Let’s go check them out.”

“What why?”

“Christmas gift.” You say simply.

You both walk towards the glass window and eye the mugs, there’s a whole bunch but there’s a mug with music notes all over it and you’re reminded of the record shop and your two friends. You walk inside and grab three of them. Yes, three matching mugs for you, Yoongi and Taehyung. Even though Taehyung doesn’t drink coffee, he can still put whatever beverage he wants inside.

You pay for the mugs and have them wrapped in Christmas paper! You got some of your first gifts done with! Now you need to find something for Jimin, Jungkook, Holly and your parents. Crap, should you get something for the rest of the boys too? You’ll be seeing them on New year’s…maybe you’ll get them all scarves. That’s easy.

Jimin is easy, you know he’s been eyeing this channel necklace for far too long and you happen to be able to afford it for him. Jungkook isn’t easy at all. So you go with something simple, a new pair of chunky black boots that he’s been talking about for months. Your mom gets a necklace with her birth flower and your dad gets tickets to his favorite sports team…cheap tickets, sorry to your dad. Holly loves penguins so you find a cute penguin pin for her purse, you think she will love it.

Shopping takes almost the whole day, you, Trina and Holly are seated in the malls food court sipping on a smoothie.

“I am so freaking tired.” Holly leans her head on Trina’s shoulder as she speaks.

“Me too, girl, me too.” You respond. “But Christmas is soon!”

“Are you guys excited about going home?” you ask.

“Yeah, my parents promised they would take me ice skating like when I was a kid.” Trina chuckles.

“I’m excited too! What about you y/n?” Holly lifts her head from Trina. “What are you doing for Christmas?”

“Going home, of course. I’m bringing Jungkook with me.” You admit with a soft smile, “My mom and dad love him, they practically beg me every week on the phone that I bring him.”

“You guys are such a couple.” Trina rolls her eyes playfully.

“We’re best friends! He doesn’t have parents to spend it with so he’s coming with me, is that such a crime?” you say lightly.

“No, no. Of course not.” Trina rolls her eyes again. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys get together during your trip.”

“Need I remind you he has a girlfriend?”

~~~~~~~~

Jungkook slides his dick in and out of Vanessa as she clenches around him, he holds her body up as he fucks her from behind. He’s been at it for a while but…

“I’m going to come!” She moans out, “Please tell me you’re close!”

“I—I” Jungkook tries fucking her faster and harder as she comes undone. But Jungkook is still trying, he’s fucking struggling. He screws his eyes shut and thrusts into Vanessa at a fast and hard rate but nothing is working.

“Sorry…sorry.” Jungkook begins to slow down, “I can’t. I just can’t” He admits, totally defeated. He’s tired. He eventually comes to a stop, and pulls out.

“I’m sorry Vanessa.” He says quietly, “It’s not you, I promise.” His voice is hoarse.

Vanessa stands and walks to the bathroom to clean herself up, when she returns she sees Jungkook sitting on the edge of the bed with his pants back on.

“It’s okay, Jungkookie.” Vanessa’s smooth voice doesn’t waver as she speaks, “It happens.”

Jungkook runs his hands down his tired face before looking up at Vanessa, his eyes slightly watery.

“This isn’t fair for you, I should be able to fucking come.” He grits out. “At the fucking least.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“How are you so calm about this? Hm?”

Vanessa sits on the edge of the bed next to Jungkook, she breathes in and out before raising her head to speak to him.

“He wants to get back together with me, you know.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at her words. She couldn’t be talking about her ex, could she?

“Vanessa—”

“It’s okay. I said I no. Somehow I feel okay.” She smiles at him, it isn’t one of those coy or secretive smiles she mostly hands out but a real genuine smile.

“I think I just feel good that he wants me again but now I have the upper hand, you know? I’m the one with power.”

“You told him no?”

“And not even because I am supposed to be your girlfriend…but because I decided I need to respect myself. You’re right…what I was doing…it wasn’t healthy.” She admits, she shakes her head to rid herself of her bangs that keep falling in her eyes.

“I…I’m proud of you.”

“I want to be proud of you too.” She whispers.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” she says quietly, “You’ll see eventually.”

“What does that me—”

“Let’s take a small break.” Vanessa tilts her head to get a quick look at him, “Just until New Year’s.”

“Vanessa—”

“We just need some time to like, miss each other? You know?”

Jungkook shakes his head, “You mean, break up?”

“Just a break. But technically yes, we aren’t together in the meantime.”

“Why?” Jungkook stands up, “We can make this work Vanessa.”

“Please stop.” Vanessa says more sternly. “It’s what I want. Just until New Year’s.”

Jungkook paces back and forth with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He doesn’t understand why she wants this? Because he couldn’t come? All because of that? He stops pacing to stare at her and she’s already looking up at him with a sickingly sweet smile.

“Fine.” He says. “If that’s—that’s what you want.” He clears his throat and tries smiling for her, she all but nods her head.

~~~~~~~

“You ready?” you ask Jungkook when he walks up to your car. You came to pick him up, insisting that you drive this time.

“Yeah.” Jungkook shows you his bunny grin and you melt, you love that smile of his. He sets his bag in the backseat and walks over to the passenger door and sits down inside.

“I’m excited to spend Christmas with you and your family.”

“Oh, it’s going to be a handful. You’ll be meeting my grandma, some aunts and uncles and some cousins of mine.”

“And I cannot wait.” He repeats. “Do you have my Christmas present here in the car?” he smiles cheekily, “Just give it to me now.”

“Yeah, right. You have to wait until tomorrow dummy!”

“Hey, don’t call me a dummy.” Jungkook pouts. He leans back in the passenger’s seat and closes his eyes.

“Hey, you’re not thinking of taking a nap are you?” You reverse your car out of the parking spot at his apartment.

“Maybe.” Jungkook snickers from beside you, “If you don’t want me falling asleep, tell me something interesting.”

“I think I want to work on getting a TEFL.” You blurt out, “To you know, teach.”

Jungkook’s eyes stay shut as he processes your words, he thinks to himself carefully—he can’t react negatively. He can’t.

“That’s nice, y/n.” He settles for. “You’ll like it.”

“That’s it?” you twist your head to look in his direction, he opens his eyes and stares at you for a few moments.

“Eyes on the road.” Jungkook closes his eyes again.

“Jungkook…you aren’t sad I might be moving away for like, at least a year?” You grip the steering wheel tighter, “You know I would be leaving right?”

“What do you want me to say y/n?” Jungkook opens his eyes and leans forward, “Want me to tell you no? That you aren’t allowed to leave?”

“Well…no. But you could act like you care a little.” You whisper out in pout.

“I do care.” Jungkook huffs, “But I just want you to do whatever makes you happy.”

“You make me happy.”

Jungkook quirks a brow and smiles, “So, you want to do me?”

“Gross,” you reach over and hit his arm. “You know what I mean. I just…I mean I value your opinion.”

Jungkook’s smile begins to fade as he stares at the cars floorboard. He zones out for a few moments, not entirely sure what to say. While it is true he wants you to do whatever makes you happy he also doesn’t want you to go anywhere.

“Do what’s best for you baby.” He all but whispers. “I will believe in you and support you no matter what.”

“I guess I’ll take that for now.” You whine. “How’s work going for you?”

“It’s good.” Jungkook’s eyes light up, “The director is letting me edit some pretty important scenes.” He gushes. “I brought my work stuff so I can show you over the next couple of days.”

“Yeah? That sounds exciting Jungkook!”

You finally merge on the high way for your few hour trip, you got your ‘Chillin’ playlist on and a few snacks on hand. You and Jungkook chit chat every so often but you mostly jam to the music.

“Let’s listen to Disney radio station!” You hand Jungkook your phone, “Hurry, put it.”

Jungkook takes your phone with a grin and selects the Disney option on pandora, the first song to come on is Lion King’s ‘Hakuna Matata’. You and Jungkook sing your hearts out, smiling, giggling and belting out the notes.

A couple hours pass like this, your throat getting admittedly sore. But Jungkook on the other hand is still going strong, he is singing all the parts in ‘Kiss the Girl’ with such passion…you can’t help but chuckle as you listen to him.

“Phew, I am worn out!” you say, laughing. “But I see you can keep going?” you turn the volume down.

“Oh, we can switch it up…but to answer the question you know I can keep going.” He winks. And you know he meant that innocently but you can’t help but blush.

“Right.” You hand him your phone again, “Our trip is almost over…you can just put on a playlist.”

“Are you excited to see your parents again?”

“Well, I just saw them last month…but yes.” You admit, “Being home is always nice. My parents have been bothering me for weeks making sure you are actually coming with me for Christmas.” You chuckle, “They’ll be glad to see you.”

Jungkook grabs a hold of his ears in excitement, you can tell he’s genuinely happy as he sits here and smiles that smile.

“I’m glad to see them too. And I am excited to meet more of your family.”

“There will probably be misunderstandings…but don’t worry, I will make it clear we are just friends.” You nod your head as you speak. Jungkook just shrugs in response, just fucking shrugs.

“Isn’t that your house up there on the corner?” Jungkook points forward towards the house.

“Yup.”

When you pull into the driveway your parents are making their way outside, they smile at you and you wave from inside your car. You turn it off and turn to face Jungkook.

“You ready?”

“Yes.” He grins.

You step out of your car and your mom and dad are rushing to bring you in for a hug, they hold you close and you feel yourself feeling right at home. You begin to pull away and head towards the backseat when your mom grabs your arm,

“You two can get your things later—before bed, before bed.” She guides you towards the house, “And hello, Jungkook.” She smiles widely, “So nice you are here again! Let’s go see everyone!”

“Yes mam.” Jungkook says with a small smile, he walks forward and shakes hands with your dad.

“Nice to see you again, son.”

“Yes sir, you too.”

“Stop being so formal!” you look back at him, teasing. You and your mom walk to the front door, waiting for your dad and Jungkook to catch up.

The four of you enter the house, it smells like pie and cookies and warmth and you know, like Christmas. You hear the chitter chatter of your relatives filling the house and you want to smile. You can hear your cousins gossiping in the kitchen, you hear their children playing in the backyard (The back door is open), you hear your grandma snoring on your dads recliner, while your aunt and uncle quietly talk on the other sofas. You hear what it’s like to feel at home.

“Look who is here, everyone!” Your mom announces obnoxiously. “It’s y/n and Jungkook!”

First your aunt and uncle’s attention are caught, they nod your way with smiles on their faces and you head over to the sofas to hug them each. Your grandma stays snoring on the recliner and you giggle, classic grandma.

Next, your cousins are coming in from kitchen. Three of them to be exact, Daniel and his wife Larissa and your other cousin who is your age Manny. Daniel and Larissa have 3 beautiful children who are playing in the back, you can hear their giggles from inside. Manny is much shorter than you, she’s petite and curvy and really, really pretty. You go in to hug her first, she wraps her arms around you loosely.

“y/n!” she yells excitedly, “It’s been since last Christmas right?!” she asks, still holding on to you.

“Something like that.” You giggle, “Hi Daniel, Larissa.” You go in to hug them as well.

“Guys this is Jungkook.” You finally introduce the awkward boy, he stands here swaying from side to side waiting to meet everyone. He bows his head in greeting and everyone says their hello’s. All except sleeping grandma.

“Well, hello.” Manny smiles at Jungkook, “I didn’t even see you there, which is crazy because you’re like crazy hot—”

“Okay, Manny.” You try cutting in early enough, but are a bit late.

“Oh?” Jungkook eyebrows climb to up his forehead as he looks at Manny.

“I’m Manny.” She winks, “ You must be y/n’s friend, I presume?”

“Uh…”

“y/n!!!!” Your grandma comes up to you all, her sweet perfume filling the air around you. “You’re here, sweetie.”

“Grandma!” you lean in and hug her frail body, she smells like she always has your whole entire life, sweet.

“And this must be your boyfriend, Jungkook? I have heard so much about you, dear.” Your grandmas opens her arms, signaling Jungkook to lean in and hug her—which he does.

“Actually grandma—”

“You finally have a nice boyfriend, your parents have told me all about him.” she winks, “I am so happy for you sweetie, I think I can finally rest easy.”

“Rest easy?” you question, “No grandma you are mis—”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Jungkook smiles at your grandma and she cheeses hard.

“You can call me grandma, dear.” She pats his back lovingly, “I want to hear all about you two. Shall we drink some tea together?”

“Boyfriend?” Manny asks, confused. “I didn’t know you guys started dating?”

“We aren’t—”

“Its new.” Jungkook cuts in. He slides his arm around your waist and you audibly gasp.

“What’s new?” Your mom walks up to you all.

“They’re dating.” Manny says, looking unimpressed.

“WHAT! Darling, get in here!” She calls your dad over, “Jungkook and y/n are together, together!”

“No we are—” you try cutting in but you feel Jungkook dig his fingers into your waist.

“THEY’RE TOGETHER?!” Your dad yells out, his excitement clear as day. You stand here confused as hell as your whole family starts congratulating you two.

“Wait, wait.” You try getting out but Jungkook leans in to whisper in your ear.

“We can’t disappoint grandma.” He says softly.

~~~~~~

“I met my Roy at a party too.” Your grandma says between sips, she holds her tea in front of her face as she reminisces.

“Was it love at first sight?” Your grandma asks, wiggling her brows. “Me and my Roy didn’t get together for quite some time so I don’t think it was love at first sight for us…when did you know?”

“Grandma…” you begin, “Can we talk about something else?” you beg.

“I knew only a few months later.” Jungkook admits shyly, he smiles at your grandma while bringing his tea cup to his lips. “I knew no one could take y/n’s spot. But I was content with being friends.”

Your eyes grow in size, his confession warming you up. You know it’s all for show but you can’t help what it does to you.

“I also knew after a few months.” You say quietly.

“Oh, how lovely!” Your grandma claps her hands together softly, “And now here you are! Jungkook…” Your grandma sets down her tea cup and looks over at Jungkook. “I trust you will take care of y/n no matter what, right?”

“No matter what.” He says quickly. “She takes care of me too.”

“And how does she do that?” Your grandma raises a drawn on brow.

“She is always there for me…she always tries to understand me even when I am in the wrong…she always tries to get to know me like she doesn’t already know everything,” he chuckles, “She always hugs me when I need it.” Jungkook looks at you with a soft smile, “She really loves me and I can feel it.” Then his mouth falls open and his eyes expand a little, “Do you… love me y/n? Like—”

“Okay, that’s enough about us babe,” you cut him off, “When did you get in town grandma?”

“Oh, just last night.” She mumbles, “I—”

“So,” Manny comes into the kitchen, her v neck lower than it was 20 minutes ago, you can’t help but roll your eyes. “What do you do Jungkook?” she leans down into his space, one hand squeezing his bicep as she asks her question.

“Um, I work as an editor for a film company.” His eyes shift to you and you roll your eyes again. “What about you?”

“Oh? Me? I work at a marketing firm. Was hoping to see y/n there.” She smiles at you. “But guess she didn’t apply? Maybe?”

“I didn’t get hired.” You state plainly. “But I didn’t want to work there anyway.” You grip your thigh in annoyance.

“y/n is probably too good for that company anyway.” Jungkook says, his hand reaches for yours and you relax a little bit.

“Right.” Manny nods her head exaggeratedly, “That’s got to be it…” she winks at you and you give a half ass smile.

“So Jungkook…” she finally takes a seat next to him, her hand still on his arm. “Film, huh? That’s soo cool. What do you do in your spare time?” she squeezes his bicep again, “Besides working out, of course.” She laughs.

Jungkook looks at you in panic, his eyes shifting from yours to his arm and you just roll your eyes.

“Manny.” You cut in, “How’s Luis?”

“Oh, we broke up.” She says smiling at Jungkook. “Nothing to worry about it.”

“And what’s to worry about,” you lean over and detach her fingers from Jungkook’s arm. “Hm?”

“Oh nothing.” Manny shakes her head.

“Manny, did you ever take my things out of the drier?” Your grandma speaks up, “Please put them in my room if you haven’t already.”

“Speaking of rooms.” Your mom and dad walk into the kitchen, their hands joined together.

“What?” you ask.

“Grandma is in Jungkook’s room. So Jungkook will have to stay in your room with you.” She says nonchalantly.

“Hm? Okay.” You shrug while Jungkook’s eyes widen just slightly. “Where are aunt and uncle sleeping? And Daniel and the rest? “Oh, we got a hotel.” Manny says, “Which sucks because it would have been fun to have a little slumber party.” She says in pout. You give her a tight smile and nod.

“Sure.” You get out, “Guess it’s just me and Jungkook for the slumber party.” You wink at her and Jungkook laughs as he squeezes your hand.

“Can’t wait baby.”

“Oh, you guys are gross.” Manny gags, “We get it.”

“Yeah, behave.” Your mom gives you a pointed look, “You’re still in your parent’s house.”

“Sorry, sorry. We’re just messing around.” You wave your hand, “Also, I can get your things from the drier grandma, I am going upstairs anyway to change.”

“Thank you sweetie.”

You let go of Jungkook’s hand as you stand up, he looks up at you in panic. You’re leaving him here with Manny?! He’s not stupid, this girl is clearly not caring about the whole boyfriend thing but he doesn’t want to make a scene by saying something to her.

“I’ll go with you.” Jungkook rushes to say earning strange looks from your parents. “Be—because I should bring up our bags from the car.”

“Ah, yes! That’s true, that’s true.” Your mom nods her head in agreeance, “You two go.”

Upstairs is much quieter, Jungkook thinks to himself. Just the background noise of muffled voices and occasional laughter. You two are in your childhood bedroom with both of your bags on your small bed. You are digging through your own luggage when you hear Jungkook clear his voice.

“What’s up?” you don’t look up to see him, you continue digging into your bag for some sleep shorts and a t shirt.

“This bed is tiny.” Jungkook groans, “How are we going to sleep on it?”

“I suppose one of us could make a palette on the flo—”

“—No.” Jungkook shakes his head, “I just mean, you’ll have to sleep super close to me.”

“That doesn’t bother me. Does it bother you suddenly?” you grab the small shorts from your bag and set them on the bed.

“W-What? No…” he admits shyly, his teeth on full display at he smiles at his own bag. “I was just saying.”

“Will Vanessa not like it?” you whisper as you find the t shirt. “Because—”

“Actually we—”

“—ask her?”

“No, it’s fine. Trust me.” Jungkook brings out his own change of clothes and stands here awkwardly, not knowing where to go.

“I do trust you.” You breathe out, “We can just turn around and change.” You offer, already spinning on your heels and lifting your sweater over your head. Jungkook continues to stare at you until he’s hit with realization. He quickly turns around and starts changing as well.

“You sure let Manny touch you however she pleases.” You spit out quietly. Jungkook freezes mid shirt lift, his eyes growing in panic.

“It’s not that I was letting her…I just…I didn’t know what to do…I’m sorry—”

“Yeah, I know.” You roll your eyes even though he cannot see. “I’m just—it’s my fault. Me and Manny grew up together. The boy she liked in high school liked me…and ever since then she’s always…” you wiggle into your sleep shorts, slipping the material over your ass.

“Oh, I get it.” Jungkook slips on a new t shirt, “I’m done. Are you?”

“Yeah, I am.”

You both turn around, smiling sheepishly at one another. He’s wearing black sweats with a plain white t shirt and you in your sleep shorts you always use to wear around the apartment that use to drive Jungkook wild and one of his black t shirts.

“Hey, that’s mine.” He pouts, pointing at the shirt you’re wearing.

“Mine now.” You poke your tongue out. Jungkook pretends to reach over the bed to grab your tongue which makes you laugh.

“Don’t let Manny touch you again.” You blurt out, “I don’t like it.”

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip as he stares at you, he begins walking to the other side of the bed until he’s standing in front of you.

“Why don’t you like it?” he asks softly.

“It’s annoying to look at it.”

“It irritates you to see another girl touch me?”

“It’s irritating when that girl is my cousin.”

“Why does it matter who it is specifically?” Jungkook steps closer to you, he pushes his hands in his sweat pockets.

“I don’t want you to fuck my cousin, Jungkook. Sue me.” Your straightforwardness makes Jungkook chuckle.

“I wouldn’t fuck your cousin, y/n.”

“Yeah, because you have Vanessa.” You remind him.

“Actually we—”

“—we should head back downstairs.” You try pushing past him but he catches your wrist.

“Tell me why it irritates you so much.”

“I just don’t like it, Jungkook.” You huff.

“Are you perhaps jealous?” Jungkook lowers your wrist, but he doesn’t let go.

“Why would I be jealous?” You yank your wrist from his hold and push past him, walking towards your bedroom door. “Come on.”

You basically told him you weren’t jealous but why did it have to happen that when teams were being chosen for this game night, Jungkook and Manny would get paired together.

The universe is laughing at you. Manny is…shameless. She has no problem flirting with someone else’s man…you’re no exception. You can tell Jungkook is slightly uncomfortable and not really enjoying the attention but still, somehow you are fuming. It’s not like he’s being exceptionally nice to her, he’s just not being standoffish enough to your liking.

“Oh, Jungkook!” Manny giggles for no reason, she leans into Jungkook’s space, just laughing away while sit you here and watch. He chuckles awkwardly, his hands messing with the playing cards in front of him. You hate this view. You thought any view with Jungkook would be a nice one, but you were wrong. Watching your cousin fawn over him like this is making you angry as fuck. As it should, right? Jungkook is your boyfriend! Well—not actually. But still! As far as Manny is concerned, Jungkook is your man, and she needs to back off.

“Manny, could you maybe give my boyfriend some space.” You snap, your voice cutting in through your family’s chatter. The room quiets down and all eyes are on you.

Manny looks all around the room, red creeping on her cheeks as she sits here, embarrassed. She opens her mouth to speak when you hold up a hand to stop her. Then you use that hand to gesture towards their bodies,

“He’s clearly uncomfortable that you are sitting so close, and frankly, I am too.”

“y/n…”

“And he’s too nice to say anything.” Your cold eyes look at her then they slide to Jungkook, “Which is something you need to work on babe.”

“I am not even sitting that close, jeez, you are as dramatic as ever.” Manny tries to roll her eyes, while subtlety scooting away. “And really? You try to call me out in front of everyone?”

“Oh? Should we talk in private then?”

“y/n.” this time the one saying your name is Jungkook. “Maybe we should go to sleep. Start new tomorrow, huh?” The tension between you and Manny too much for him to handle right now, especially in front of everyone.

“I think that’s a great idea.” It’s grandma. “It’s way past my bedtime too.”

“I think your aunt and uncle were just talking about how it’s almost time to leave too. Perfect timing!” Your mom chimes in, “Let’s all say goodnight.”

You don’t say anything to Jungkook as you peel back the baby pink duvet on your bed, you just stare down at your twin mattress with hard eyes.

“Are you okay?”

You continue to stay silent as you slip under the covers, scooting all the way towards the edge of the bed as far as you possibly can.

“y/n…” Jungkook pats in the last of his facial moisturizer into his skin, “I asked if you’re okay?” his back is facing you as he sits on the edge of the bed, placing his moisturizer back in his bag. “It was interesting,” (Hot.) “To see you all…protective,” (Jealous.) “Tonight.”

“I’m going to sleep.” You are laying on your back, staring up at the ceiling fan. “I don’t feel like talking tonight.”

Jungkook lays down next to you, his body so freaking close. He lays on his side, facing you. His right arm going under his head, trying his hardest to get comfortable in such close quarters.

“No talking, but maybe cuddling?” Jungkook whispers, and you of course hear it clear as day because he is so fucking close to you.

“Call me crazy but I don’t feel like cuddling with a guy who can’t even tell another girl to fuck off.” You shut your eyes. “Not in the mood.”

Jungkook blinks a few times, your words sinking in. You’re kind of right, he should of said something too but he didn’t know what to say. It’s your cousin! In front of your family! And he tried his hardest to lean away from Manny as much as possible.

“I’m sorry, y/n. You’re right. I should have said something.” His left hand reaches out to grab your hand that rests on top of your stomach.

“Yeah, you should have. But now I’m the asshole who called her out in front of everyone.”

Jungkook remembers it, and he darkly chuckles.

“Yeah, and it was hot.” He admits, making you open your eyes as you snap your head towards him.

“You think me being crazy jealous was hot?” you give him a look like he’s crazy.

“So you are jealous?” Jungkook smirks, “But I don’t see it that way. I see it as being protective over what’s yours.”

“So, you’re mine?” you turn to lean on your side, your body bumping into his. “At least until the end of this trip right?” you laugh, “I can’t believe you just don’t want to disappoint grandma.”

“At least until the end of this trip.” Jungkook leans his head closer to yours, “You finally brought home a boyfriend.” He grins as his forehead slightly bumps into yours.

What does Jungkook mean at least? And why does he always become closer and closer to you?

If you were to lift your head up at all, his lips would be dangerously close to yours.

“Jeez, how many fake boyfriends am I going to have this year?” you joke, keeping your head down, “I really got to find a real one by now.”

“I know the room is dark,” Jungkook begins, “But I still want to see your eyes when we talk.”

“Didn’t I say I didn’t want to talk?”

“y/n…” Jungkook whines, “You’re still mad at me?”

“Not really, it’s not your fault. I’m just still pissed at the situation.” You admit quite easily. “It’s honestly so disrespectful of her. You’re my boyfriend. You’re my man. You’re mine.”

Jungkook’s hand settles over your waist, he grabs on and brings you in closer to his body. He inhales you, taking in your scent. You smell so good to him, he could inhale you forever. Your words echo in his mind as he snuggles you closer. Your man? His heart races faster and faster as the echo gets louder.

“I’m yours, hm?” he runs his fingers down your side, starting from your shoulder until the top of your hip bone. “Does that make you mine?” He breathes out, “Are you mine baby?” his fingers dance over your hips, your shirt and shorts separating his fingers from touching your warm skin.

“You know what I mean.” You huff out, closing your eyes from his gentle touch.

“Do I though?” Jungkook’s hand lingers over your hips, until he is playing with the end of your shirt.

“Let me touch your skin.” He softly begs, “It’ll feel nice.”

Your eyes open in surprise, what skin? Where will he be touching?

“Innocent, I swear.” Jungkook adds, “Just want to make you feel nice.”

“Isn’t that weird?” you finally ask.

“I don’t think so.”

“Fine.” You close your eyes again, “Touch me.”

Jungkook bites his lips when you give him the green light, he wasn’t expecting you to agree so quickly. Because what if it is weird? He just wants to touch your skin, no harm done. Jungkook leans up on his arms and tugs at the bottom of your shirt,

“I am going to slide this up a bit, okay?” he asks and you nod your head but you hear him chuckle.

“Words, baby.”

“Yes.” You breathe out, your eyes still closed.

Jungkook takes the material between his fingers and begins to slowly, very slowly ride the shirt up. His eyes have finally adjusted to the dark, where he can see you just enough. The shirt slides up your body, exposing your skin inch by inch. He gulps.

He lifts the shirt up until your pretty blue bralette is showing itself, your breasts falling to the side giving you a good amount of cleavage. He gulps again.

When the shirt is all bunched up at your armpits, Jungkook lays back down on his side. The cold air that spins in circles thanks to the fan is causing your skin to get goosebumps, your stomach feeling extra sensitive.

“Touch me, Jungkook.” You softly command. “I want you to.”

Jungkook swallows hard at your straightforwardness. His hand slowly creeps up to your shoulder, his fingers brushing against the material of the t shirt before he’s lightly dragging his fingers down your side. His fingertips hit your exposed skin, he lightly glides them down, just barely touching you. When he reaches your hip bone he dances his fingers lower until they’re grazing your lower stomach. His touch is so light it’s got your breathing getting just a bit heavier. He repeats his action a few times, starting from your shoulder until his fingers glide across your bare stomach. He’s right, it does feel nice. Too nice, almost.

“How do my fingers feel?” He clears his throat, his voice nice and low. Your eyes shoot open at his question. This is all innocent, but why does that question feel so dirty?

“They feel so good.” You breathe out, “So good.”

Jungkook smiles and continues sliding his fingers over your lower stomach, causing you to release a long, shaky breath. His touch is so fucking good, his touch leaving a trail of fire. As his fingers lightly skid across your stomach he leaves behind such heat. His fingers finally glide up, they barely reach right under your breasts. Your breath catches in your throat, his fingers so dangerously close to your tits and you want to smash your head on something. God, what it would feel like to have them being touched by his large hand.

Jungkook uses just his pointer finger to drag his finger down from the center of your lower chest until he’s passing your belly button, until he’s reaching your lower stomach again, his finger stopping at the drawstrings on your shorts.

You can’t help but release a long, quiet moan as his finger does that over and over. You clench your stomach muscles with each stroke of his fingers. Why does Jungkook have to make you feel so fucking good?

Jungkook feels himself getting hard against your thigh, but he doesn’t care to hide it. Touching your warm, soft skin feels so intimate and that moan you released? His cock needs to hear more. He grabs a hold of your hip, the material of the shorts in the way of your skin.

“Can I lower these a little?” he pants out. “Just a little.”

“Yes.” You feel your breaths getting heavier.

Jungkook slips his fingers under the shorts and slowly drags down the material over your hip, your panties sliding down as well. Jungkook grunts in approval, he thumbs your hip bone causing you to quietly whimper.

“You really like your hips and stomach to be touched.” He states.

“S-Sensitive.” You admit.

Jungkook massages the skin of your hip, very, very lightly. Almost like he isn’t touching you at all, like he’s just trying to tease you. And it’s working. You feel your breaths become more erratic. You keep your eyes closed as the light feeling of his fingertips begin to make you wet. You can’t help but slightly rotate your hips in circles as he touches you, and you can’t help but moan when he puts more pressure into his massage on your hip.

“You like that?” Jungkook breathes out, “Feel good?”

Your hips move faster underneath his electric touch, you start to become desperate, needing more. You finally open your eyes, Jungkook notices how dark and captivating they look. You reach forward until your own hand is at his shirt.

“Off.”

Jungkook looks at you, very confused. But he doesn’t waste another moment when he sits up and throws his shirt off.

“Good.” Your hands go to grope his chest. His strong muscles flex beneath your touch. You drag your hands down his chest until they stop at the waistband of his sweats, he throws his head back as you explore the front of his body.

“Want to touch you too.” You admit between harsh breaths.

Jungkook’s hand goes to the shirt bunched around your shoulders and tugs on it,

“Off too.” He guides you to sit up and he helps you take off your shirt. Your strappy bralette leaves almost nothing to the imagination, Jungkook thinks. The material is so very thin that he sees your hard nipples and he wants to brush his thumb over them. But he refrains.

“Much better.” Jungkook says in one breath. “Now lay down.”

You do as he says, this time you lay on your back instead of your side. You try breathing in and out normally but can’t help how irregular your breaths are.

“Jungkook.” You whine, “Touch me.”

“So needy.” Jungkook’s hand hovers over the top of your stomach, “My baby is so needy.” He whispers.

You reach up and caress Jungkook’s cheek, “I am.” You admit. Jungkook throws his head back, biting on his lip as he grins.

“Good girl.” His fingers lightly dance below your belly button and you whine. He glides his fingers lower and lower until they’re at your waistband.

“Going to pull these down…just a little.” His voice cracks as he stares down at you.

You nod your head and tell him yes over and over.

He drags the shorts just a bit lower, right before your pussy is exposed. His fingers lightly touch your new exposed skin, and you moan. The feeling getting you so worked up.

“I want to do the same to you.” You try say between your rough breathing. “Let me touch you, Jungkook.” Your hands go to his stomach, your touch anything but light as you drag your hands down with pressure. You reach the top of his waist band and begin pulling down until he’s catching your wrist.

“And what do you think you are doing?” Jungkook’s low, deep voice sends a shiver down your god damn spine.

“Innocent, I promise.” You mock, “Want to touch you too.”

“I think we have had enough,” he teases lightly, bringing his hand back to his own body. “Let’s go to sleep.”

“Fine, cuddle me.” You say, annoyed. You turn to your other side, where your back is facing him.

“Fine by me. But…” He sinks down further into the covers to spoon you, one arm going beneath your head and the other pulling you in by the hips, “Remember what happens when we get in this position.” You feel his hard cock poke your ass and you moan out quietly.

“What happens?” you play dumb.

“4 years ago, you asked me to cuddle you like this because you wanted to get fucked.” he says easily and you choke on your spit. He’s referencing that night?

Jungkook is so lost in you, he doesn’t care anymore. He will bring up that night a million times if he has to. He loves you. And he’s starting to get real tired of the constant tension between you two. He pushes his hips into your ass, you feel how hard he is and you squeeze your eyes shut.

“I also said this position makes me feel safe.” You play innocent as you bump your ass into his crotch.

“I make you feel safe?”

“You make me feel a lot of things.” You whimper, backing your ass further into his cock, it’s so hard and poking against you in such a way that drives you nuts.

Jungkook groans as he feels you circling your hips into his crotch. His hand goes to your hip and he squeezes tightly making you moan out.

“You got to be more quiet baby.” Jungkook warns softly, “We don’t want your parents or your grandmother thinking we are really having that ‘slumber party’.” He jokes.

“Then what are we having?”

“Just some innocent massages between friends.” He comments with a snicker.

“Oh? Is my ass massaging your dick so innocent?” you whine out, “I don’t really do this sort of thing with my other friends.” You keep your eyes screwed shut.

“It’s very innocent.” Jungkook teases, he begins lightly humping you. He pushes his cock further and further on your ass cheeks, he moans when you two find a rhythm. He remembers when he fucked you in this position, he remembers it well. How you sounded, how you smelled, how you felt. He memorized the feeling of you.

“Fuck, y/n…” Jungkook quietly groans out. He rocks his hips into you faster, and you hate everything. You want to touch yourself so bad. You want to slide your fingers down your shorts and rub your aching clit, you would like it even more if it was Jungkook’s fingers.

“Not fair…” you say in pout, arching your back.

“What’s not?” he pants.

“I want to feel good too…” you say, flipping to your other side, facing him. You scoot impossibly close until his cock is pressed against your lower stomach.

“Innocently, of course.” You throw a leg over his waist as your hands go to his chest to guide him to lay on his back. “Gonna make us both feel good.” Your eyes are glazed over in lust as you speak.

You straddle his hips and find the right placement in sitting down…his cock nice and snug between your clothed folds. You begin moving your hips until you have the right angle on your clit and you moan.

“Is this okay?” you breathe out and Jungkook nods his head quickly.

You begin rocking yourself against his clothed cock, he quietly whimpers at the feeling. Jungkook screws his eyes shut as his mouth falls open and wonderful panting leaves his lips. You watch him lose his composure as you hump him, you pick up the pace, becoming more and more desperate. Your clit is thanking you. ‘Thank you bitch’ it says.

“I—I can’t” Jungkook moans out, “I—I can’t do this.”

You immediately slow down, rejection sinking in. “What do you mean? You don’t want to do—”

“—I don’t want to do this with clothes on.” Jungkook groans, his fingers digging into your hips. “I need you naked. Fucking now.” He grits out.

You finally still as you process his words. Are you two about to fuck? Is this really a good idea? Again? But you are so far gone…you are so beyond horny that you are able to push your logical thinking to the side.

“Okay.” You look at him with lust filled eyes, “Take off my clothes.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen but he’s nodding his head so fucking fast it’s almost comical. He rushes to unclasp your bralette, your breasts bouncing as they are freed. He sits up, and you are graced with the sight of Jungkook’s mouth sucking on your tit. You arch your back, pushing your breast further into his mouth, his tongue swirling over the hardened nub. You throw your head back in pleasure, his hand giving your other breast all the attention it needs.

“Shorts, Jungkook.” You beg. “Take them off me.”

Jungkook detaches his self from your breast and looks up into your eyes and smirks,

“Say please, princess.”

“Fucking please, please.”

Jungkook’s hands quickly find their way to your shorts and your rise to your knees to help him slip them off your legs. Your panties go down with the shorts and Jungkook couldn’t be more pleased.

“Oh my god baby.” Jungkook stares at you with dark eyes, “Your wetness is literally dripping down your inner thighs. You are so fucking wet.” He comments and you smile shyly.

“You…” you begin to say.

“What about me?” he teases, his fingers grazing your inner thigh, he wipes some of your cum off your sensitive skin.

“You did this to me.”

“Yes I did baby. And I will take full responsibility.” He guides your body up his own, you follow his lead.

“Ride my face.” He commands as he lays back down, his hand in yours still guiding you when you stop abruptly.

“W—What?”

“Ride my face baby.” He tugs on your hand and you hesitantly make your way closer to him. You stop when you are hovering over his chest, knees on either side of his neck when you start to get shy.

“I’ve never…”

“Keep going,” his hands go to your hips and he’s guiding you further up until your pussy is hovering over his warm mouth.

“Now sit.”

“Jungkook—”

“I said, sit.”

And you do, you lower yourself over his mouth…you slam your eyes shut, feeling nervous. But then you are met with his wet, warm tongue. You stay still as he begins licking at you, his tongue licking a strip from your hole to your clit. You start to relax as the sensation fills you up, his tongue swirling around causing you to release a long, breathy moan. You can’t help but start to rock your hips back and forth…the feeling even more spectacular. You try to keep quiet, you really do. But Jungkook’s tongue is quite literally fucking you.

“Ah, Jungkook.” You throw your head back, your eyes rolling all around as you ride his face faster. You feel Jungkook moan into your pussy, making you whimper even more.

You don’t know how much time has passed but it does not matter. Jungkook shows no sign of stopping anytime soon, his tongue working to make you feel so fucking good. You ride his face even harder now, your thighs shaking as you squeeze around his head.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” You pant out, “I think I’m going to—”

You rock your hips as fast as you can as you feel your orgasm approaching, Jungkook’s hands squeeze your ass cheeks. He encourages you to rock against him even harder as he guides your hips. His tongue is laid flat against your clit as you ride him faster, you can feel how close you are. You thighs shake and you feel your pussy clench around nothing as your orgasm hits you. It hits you so fucking hard, like a strong wind that’s knocked you over.

“Fuuuuuucckkk.” You squeeze your thighs together, probably crushing Jungkook’s head as you come. You breathe so fucking hard as you try to hurry to come down from your amazing orgasm, you struggle to rise to your knees, so Jungkook helps lift you a bit until you are rising from his mouth.

You inch backwards until you are hovering over his chest, when he makes you sit down. You open your eyes, and take a look at the man before you.

His entire face is glistening with your cum and he looks so fucking happy about it. He’s trying to catch his own breath as he eyes you, his entire face wet with your cum. He is fucking grinning at you.

“You did so amazing baby.” He breathes out.

“That was incredible.” You admit. “Want to…” you start off hesitantly, “Want to fuck my mouth?”

Jungkook slams his eyes shut, and takes a few deep breaths before he slowly opens his eyes again.

“No…We should get cleaned up and go to sleep. Don’t you think?” he asks softly.

“Go…to sleep?” you ask, disappointed. “Sure.” You say kind of detached. “If that’s what you want.”

~~~~~~

Shame. Guilt. Regret.

It’s the next morning and you are trying your hardest to sleep away from Jungkook. But the bed is so small making it almost impossible. You didn’t sleep at all. Which feels unfair because Jungkook is next to you snoring away with a lazy arm thrown over your waist.

Shame. Guilt. Regret.

Jungkook has a girlfriend but you and him…oh my god you made Jungkook a cheater. You are the fucking worst. You let lust win in this dangerous game you two are playing, you let it win and shove it’s victory in your face. You hate yourself. You feel so fucking bad! Vanessa may not be your favorite person but cheating is never okay.

Shame. Guilt. Regret.

You wonder if Jungkook will feel these things too as he wakes up…you wonder if he will feel worse. Jungkook is a lot of things but a cheater isn’t one of them. He’s always felt strongly about the subject because of his mom and dad. Will he be weird with you? Will he feel worse than you? Will he be able to forgive himself?

Suddenly, Jungkook’s light snores go quiet and his arm is tightening around your waist just the slightest. He’s awake. He begins pulling you in closer to his body and then you feel his lips on your neck. He leaves just an innocent peck and then you think he may be going back to sleep with how comfortable he’s getting.

“Let’s get up.” You break the silence in the room, “I can hear people downstairs.”

“Oh, good morning.” You feel him smile on your neck, “Why don’t we stay here for just a few minutes?”

Has he not processed what he’s done? Where is his shame? His guilt? His regret? You feel sick.

“We really should get up.” You repeat. “I’m hungry.” You detach yourself from his body and rise from the bed. You don’t even look at him as you grab a change of clothes and exit the room to head towards the bathroom.

Jungkook is left on the bed wondering what’s up with you? Are you feeling awkward after last night? He thought you might be in a good mood…considering your orgasm…but instead your mood seems to be sour.

“Great.” Jungkook mutters underneath his breath. He gets up too, going to his bag to change for the day. When he’s done, he grabs his toiletries and makes his way to the bathroom. He stands outside the door, softly knocking. You swing the door open with your toothbrush hanging out of your mouth when you usher him inside.

“I’m going to wash up too…” Jungkook warns. He sets his small toiletry bag on the bathroom counter and takes out his face wash, moisturizer and tooth brush.

You nod your head as you continue to brush your teeth, toothpaste foaming at the corner of your mouth.

“How do you feel this morning?” Jungkook tries to make decent conversation as he applies his face wash to his face.

You spit out the toothpaste and rinse your mouth, wiping your face dry with a towel.

“Fine.” You spit out. “Just fine.”

Jungkook washes his face with water, and pats his face dry with a small towel, just nodding his head. He feels awkward.

“I feel fine too…” He adds, trying to add more to the convo. “Do you think grandma heard us last night?” he asks.

“Let’s not talk about last night.” You snap, “Can’t you read a room?”

You grab your things and leave the bathroom, leaving Jungkook wondering what the hell he did to make you so mad. Did you hate it that much? Maybe in the past he would have thought that but now…he knows how much you liked it. Loved it even. Jungkook doesn’t feel as insecure as before, he just knows the only way to solve this is to talk to you. Communication.

Communication would be a lot easier if he was given a god damn chance at talking to you but your mom is keeping you so busy in the kitchen with your gossipy aunt’s chitter chatter filling every crevice of the room. You nod along, even laugh as you listen. Jungkook is in the backyard with the three kids, keeping them entertained as you, Manny, Larissa, your aunt and mom bake in the kitchen with grandma sipping her tea at the table. Your dad, uncle and Daniel are in the living room watching some show, clanking their beer bottles together in celebration. Today is Christmas eve. Apparently this is when your family does most of the major celebrating, you guys bake and cook all day, eat a grand dinner and open presents. And Christmas day you just eat leftovers and chill.

The youngest kid has grown quite fond of Jungkook, she tends to feel left out by her two older brothers. Jungkook plays with her and she has already formed an attachment making your cousin in law laugh at them fondly.

“Your boyfriend is great with kids! Lucky you.” Larissa winks at you as she rolls the cookie dough on the counter.

“Yeah, yeah.” You say plainly.

“y/n…what’s wrong?” Manny comes up to your side, “Trouble in paradise?”

“No, Manny.” You snap. “But I bet you would like that.”

“Girls, let’s not fight.” Your aunt cuts in while your mom just looks at you worried.

“I would hardly call it a fight.” You hear your grandmas sweet voice over everyone else’s. “Now how are those drop cookies coming along girls?”

“They’re coming.” You say. “If Manny ever finishes with the dry ingredients.”

“I told you I was almost done, chill out.”

“Girls.” Your mom warns, “y/n, why don’t you go keep Jungkook company?”

Your eyes go from your moms to outside where Jungkook is and you panic.

“No, it’s okay…he’s fine.”

“You know what?” Your grandma speaks up, “I think I will if you won’t.” She sweetly chuckles. She stands from her place at the table, grabs her tea cup and makes her way to the outside table instead, closing the backyard door behind her.

“Hi dear.” Your grandma nods towards Jungkook as he plays pirates with the boys. He is laughing and pretending to have a hook hand, while the boys giggle and run around. The youngest claims she is the lost princess and that Jungkook has to save her. Grandma watches with joy, loving how well he gets along with the children.

“Hi.” Jungkook says out of breath from playing. He tells the kids to keep playing and that he will return shortly, they beg and whined that he stay but he says if they keep playing he will steal them some of the first cookies. The kids nod their head aggressively in agreement.

“How are you this afternoon?” he takes a seat across from her.

“Why is my granddaughter mad at you?” She smiles at Jungkook and his face drains of all color.

“Um…what do you mean?”

“Anyone with eyes knows you two have been strange all morning and afternoon.” Your grandma brings her tea to her mouth, “Maybe Manny was right, there is trouble in paradise.” She smiles again, “The key is to talk to her. Find out what’s going on.”

Jungkook groans, throwing his head into his hands. He lifts his head up again to speak but decides to just groan again in frustration.

“She won’t give me a chance to speak to her.” He admits. “She’s avoiding me.”

“Make the chance happen.” Grandma advices, “You’re a good kid, Jungkook. Even though you decided to lie to poor old me.”

“Lie?”

“You think I really couldn’t tell that you’re not really dating my granddaughter? I’ve been around too long to get fooled by something like that. But I see your feelings are real. So are hers. So why aren’t you two together?”

Jungkook sits here, absolutely stunned silent. He doesn’t know how to respond! Grandma begins sipping on her tea again when she lowers it to speak.

“Go talk to her honey. I want to see my grandbaby happy.”

“I guess we don’t have to pretend anymore.” Jungkook finally speaks.

“No, no. Keep going, it is quite entertaining, dear.” Your grandma chuckles, “Plus, it keeps Manny on her toes. Best if she thinks you are taken. Once she finds out that you are single…I fear for your life, boy.” Your grandma laughs out loud, making Jungkook join her.

“Fair enough.” He says, “But how do I…how do I get her to talk to me?”

“I’m sure you know her better than I do.” Grandma points out, “You’ll figure out what works best for her.”

And your grandma is right, he does know you best. But what will work? When you have avoided things in the past he has usually been the one to force answers out of you. Now is no different.

All the baking for the day is complete, you sit down at the table in the kitchen and let your head fall to the table top. You moan out in satisfaction that you all are finally done…how unfair that the guys got to just chill all day? Your mom has been cooking with your aunt for Christmas dinner while you and your cousins worked on pies and cookies. And they sat and drank beer. Typical.

“Hey.” You feel Jungkook’s warm breath hit your ear and you look up at him, his face so close to yours as he is leaned down to speak to you.

“Can we talk?”

“Nothing to talk about.” You lay your head back down on the table until you feel your arm being pulled upwards, causing you to stand to your feet.

“Don’t be a brat. Let’s go.” Jungkook pulls you up, and starts pulling you in the direction of the staircase.

“Let go of me.” She say weakly, “I can walk myself.”

Jungkook let’s go of your arm and instead reaches for your hand, he interlocks his fingers with yours and you roll your eyes.

“I said, I can walk myself.”

Jungkook only shakes his head in response, guiding you up the stairs until you two reach the bedroom, you both walk inside as Jungkook closes the door behind you two.

“Now talk.” He softly commands.

“Nothing to talk about?”

“y/n…” he warns and you feel your eyes start to sting.

“We fucked up, Jungkook.” You blink back the stinging in your eyes, shame, guilt, and regret joining you.

“How so?”

“What do you mean ‘How so?’” you ask incredulously. “Do you not remember the events of last night? You have a girlfriend!” you throw your hands in the air, “You are a cheater! I’m the one you cheated with…oh my god…”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at your words and he starts shaking his head. He tries walking closer to you but you only step back until your back meets the wall.

“We fucked up.” You cry out. “I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Jungkook asks softly. You are starting to wonder why this dude is not panicking.

“I made you a cheater.” You cry. Jungkook walks closer to you again until he’s wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You didn’t.” he whispers. “Vanessa and I…we aren’t together right now.”

You sniffle into his shoulder as you process his words…not together right now? What does that even mean?

“She broke up with me.” He begins to explain, “Said she wants to break up until New Year’s but I don’t think we will be getting back together.”

“Why not?” you whisper.

“I…I don’t know.”

“Oh.” You untangle yourself from Jungkook’s arms, “But you aren’t a cheater?”

“No.”

You sigh out in relief, a huge, long, heavy sigh. Thank God. You feel shame, guilt, and regret leave your body making you feel ten times lighter.

“So I have nothing to feel bad for?”

“Absolutely nothing.” Jungkook smiles at you, “Now can we go enjoy Christmas? I cannot wait to give you your present.”

You pull on your hair, feeling nervous suddenly. Is he just going to brush past this too? Are you two not going to bring up last night in more detail? Figure out what it means for you two? Are you two just friends who occasionally hook up? That’s not what you want. What do you want? “Sure.”

~~~~~

“Dinner was delicious, honey.” Your dad says reaching over to cup your moms cheek. “I think I ate way too much this year.”

“Oh sweetheart, you say that every year.” Your mom laughs, “What about everyone else? Eat enough?”

Everyone around the table groans in happiness, nodding their heads yes and complimenting the dinner.

“Well, I suppose we should get on to the presents portion of the evening?” Your mom stands from her chair, “Let’s all go into the living room around the tree.”

Everyone makes their way into the living room, you and Jungkook being the last two to make it inside. You two stand here awkwardly, not entirely too sure where to sit since it is a bit crowded. Your grandma points at you two with a cheeky smile.

“Mistletoe.” She yells out. “Mistletoe!”

You point at yourself in question and then at Jungkook. What mistletoe? Then you see Jungkook looking up and his face turning completely red. Oh.

“We really don’t—”

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” you hear your various family members chanting. Your parents grinning like fools as they chant as well. Your grandma winks at Jungkook and Jungkook goes even redder.

“We don’t have to Jungkook” you whisper. Jungkook clears his throat repeatedly until his face begins going back to his normal color.

“No, it’s tradition right?”

“I mean, I guess.” You shrug, you begin to turn red yourself.

“C’mere.” He reaches for your hand and pulls you in to his chest, then his other hand goes to cup your jaw. “Just one kiss.” He whispers.

You feel all his body heat enter your body, his touch making you so fucking warm. You nod your head pathetically as you tilt your head up. Jungkook smiles down at you and leans in just a bit, his forehead pressing against yours. Your eyes go to his lips, they are pink and his bottom lip is plump. Jungkook leans lower until his mouth is hovering over yours and he very innocently pecks your lips. You wish his kiss had lingered longer but it is short but sweet. He leans away from you, his forehead still pushed up against your own when you surge forward and kiss him again.

You hear the hollering of your cousin Daniel and his wife Larissa, Manny probably pouting. Your aunt and uncle are giggling and your parents laughing but telling you to behave. Your grandma snickers to herself and starts softly clapping her hands together.

“I thought I said just one?” Jungkook teases, his hand lowering to his side but his other hand keeps holding yours.

“I couldn’t help myself.” You admit confidently “Now let’s do presents!” you turn to face everyone else.

“Agreed!” your mom yells out excitedly. “First, we have Manny from Daniel…”

The night continues, everyone exchanging presents. Your parents loved their gifts, your mom thought the necklace was very thoughtful and your dad says he would love to take you to the game with him. You give Jungkook your gift, he yelps in excitement when he unwraps his gift when he sees the boots.

“Thanks baby, I know I haven’t shut up about these shoes for months!” he leans in to hug you. “Now it’s my turn.” He grins.

He searches the tree for the last gift of the night: Jungkook to you. He grabs the box and hands it to you, a shy smile making its way on his lips.

“Here, for you.” He sits back and waits for you to unwrap it. Your parents and the rest of your relatives wait as well.

“Okay, here I go.” You begin unwrapping the box, throwing the gift paper to the side on the floor and are met with a brown box. You raise a brow at Jungkook and he just smiles widely.

“Go on,” he says, “Open it.”

So you do. You carefully open the box and pull out a wooden box—a music box. The top of the music box is glass with a photo of you and Jungkook, your heart absolutely melts into two.

“Open it, open it.” He urges excitedly.

“Okay…”

You lift the top of the music box, revealing its insides. Your absolute favorite song in the world starts playing and you feel the waterworks coming. This song means everything to you. He knows it is your favorite.

“Read what it says…” he mentions shyly. “There’s a message.”

I will always believe in you. I will always support you. And I will always love you.

You read the message to yourself a few times over and you start sniffling, a few tears leaving your eyes. You look up to make eye contact with Jungkook and he smiles. You close the box and slip it back inside the box and set it to the side, you crawl towards Jungkook and hug him. Your arms wrap around his neck and you throw your head into his shoulder, and you start mumbling your thanks.

“Of course baby.” He whispers into your hair, “I mean it.”

“I know you do…” you murmur. “I know.” You sniffle harder. “And I love you more.”

You, yourself aren’t entirely sure how you meant the words ‘I love you’ in this moment. You are so overwhelmed and overjoyed that you aren’t sure if you said it platonically or romantically. All you know is that you meant it.

“That’s impossible.” Jungkook chuckles. You slowly leave his arms, feeling embarrassed now that you’re crying in front of everyone.

“What did it say?” Manny asks, “You didn’t even share!”

“Let’s leave it between the love birds.” Your grandma says.

“Love birds indeed.” Your mom grins, “Well, Santa comes nice and early tomorrow!” she says to the kids.

“Are you sure about leaving them here tonight?” Daniel asks, “Santa can come to the hotel too.”

“Don’t be silly,” your mom says, “I will put them to bed on the sofas. It will be fine.”

“Okay, we will see you all bright and early tomorrow morning then.” Larissa begins packing up their things.

“Heading out already?” Your dad asks, “Well, take some food with you.”

You and Jungkook stay seated on the floor, as the rest begin cleaning up. Your mom picks up all the gift wrapping paper off the floor while your dad puts away gifts and you and Jungkook sit side by side.

“Did you like your gift?” Jungkook inches closer to you.

“I love it, Jungkook.” You lean into his shoulder, resting your head on him. “It makes me so happy.”

“What about me…do I make you happy?”

“So happy.” You admit. “I hope I can make you this happy too.”

“You do.” Jungkook leans his head on top of yours. “Like, you have no idea.” He reaches for your hand and tangles his fingers with yours.

“Do you two want to head to bed? We got the cleaning covered.” Your mom offers. You yawn in response, showing her that you could use some sleep.

“Yeah, okay.” You accept gratefully, you stand up taking Jungkook with you. You two say your goodnight’s and head towards the stairs up to your bedroom.

“Goodnight you two.” Your grandma sings, sending a wink to Jungkook and he goes red again.

“Why does she keep winking at you?” You wonder out loud.

“No idea…” Jungkook is quick to respond. “Weird…”

When you and Jungkook get to your room, you both rush to get changed and wash up in the bathroom. He finishes before you, settling into the bed. You come in next, wearing your sleep shorts and a tank top. You turn the lights off and make your way to your bed, you slip inside and groan in satisfaction…ah, sleep time.

“Hey y/n…”

“Hm?” you sleepily roll over to your side to face Jungkook, “What’s up?”

“I just want to say…” he pauses and bites his lip. “Thanks. I just want to say thanks.”

“For what babe?”

“For bringing me for Christmas…this is the first time I have felt so at home in years.” He admits, “You have no idea what this means to me.”

“I’m glad you’re happy Jungkook.”

“More than happy.” He corrects. “You have no idea what you mean to me.”

“Then tell me.”

“Can I show you instead?” Jungkook leans closer to you, tilting his head at the right angle. “Can I kiss you?”

You can’t help but swallow hard, Jungkook wants to kiss you? To show you what you mean to him? That’s romantic right? You aren’t totally reading this wrong?

“Why?” you ask, gulping down your spit.

“Because.” He breathes out softly, “Please.”

You can smell the toothpaste on his breath, you can smell his laundry detergent on his clothes, you can smell the shampoo in his hair. You inhale him and hold your breath.

“If I say no?” you blink up at him and he smiles softly.

“Then I will respect that.” He answers honestly.

With your eyes still adjusting to the darkness it is hard to see his eyes but you just know they are soft and inviting.

“Jungkook…” You scoot closer to him, moving your head to be at level with his face. “Baby…” you whimper out as you lean in closer to his face.

“Is that a yes?” He asks, his breath hitting your lips. “Because—”

Your lips find his in a slow, tender kiss. You peck his lips over and over and you can feel his lips shaping into a smile. You pull away after a few seconds, feeling breathless after the short kiss.

“Goodnight Jungkook.” You scoot down until your head hits his chest and you snuggle into it.

“Goodnight baby.” Jungkook smiles, laying on his back as he stares up at the dark ceiling. How will he find sleep tonight? His heart is racing in his chest. Are you finally starting to understand his feelings? He knows he hasn’t talked about them yet…but he will. Yes, he definitely will.

[a-earthssprout]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! )

NAME: please call me Winnie ! 😊

PRONOUNS: she / her 🌷

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: tumblr im’s are just fine; however, my discord is always available upon request ! 😊

NAME OF MUSE(S): Ariana; prefers to go by ‘ Ari ’

EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): I … think I’m going on my 8th year of roleplaying ? 👀

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: tumblr, skype ( when it was popular—does anyone else remember those days ? 😭 ), & discord !

BEST EXPERIENCE: oh, I’ve had so many wonderful experiences on here ! but I’d say the best above them all are any of the meaningful relationships that I’ve made with a few writers 🌷 some people I’ve met on tumblr mean quite a lot to me, & they definitely feel like family ! 🌿

RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: hmm … 🤔 I’m not the biggest fan of impatience, since I tend to be quite slow with my replies ( though I am grateful to say that I couldn’t tell you about a time where I’ve experienced this, so … if I ever have, it thankfully wasn’t bad enough for me to remember it 🙏 ). I guess another one is when it’s obvious that someone hasn’t read Ari’s about / my rules, but again, that’s an extremely rare occurrence 😭 you see, you all are so wonderful, so I have very few complaints 🥺 as for dealbreakers, any kind of inappropriate behavior towards Ari will earn you an instant hardblock. problematic behavior, as well, & blogs that run solely off drama—it’s just not something I appreciate seeing. lastly, an inability to respect boundaries—either mine or others—is not the sort of behavior I’m interested in keeping around. only friendly & kind company here in grandma Winnie’s house, & I promise to try my very best to be just the same ! 🍯

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: never the last, so we will keep it between the first two; I much prefer the former over the latter, since I’m most comfortable writing sweet things 🌻 however, I do want to practice more with angst & am not against adding / exploring similar elements to / in threads ... 🤔 no guarantees that I’ll be any good at it, though; I struggle to tug at that particular part of the heart, I feel 😭

PLOTS OR MEMES: any & all kinds of interaction are warmly welcome here ! 😊 I just appreciate the interest, really 🥺🍄

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: … long 😭 I’m very sorry about it, but you will almost always probably receive a long response from me—& by no means should you feel obligated to match that length ! I have no preference for what I receive. all I ask is that you give me a little something to work with ! 👍

BEST TIME TO WRITE: early morning, before the rest of the world is awake so it’s nice & quiet & when the coffee is fresh ☕

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): we have our similarities, certainly ! I think everyone has at least a few things in common with their muses 🌷 however ...  catch me dead before you catch me befriending a bug or picking up a snail 👀 dlfkjgkljgjk or frolicking outside, in general. I live in Florida, okay ? everything ' wild ‘ is built to kill, & the state bird is a mosquito 😔 I also have a terrible potty mouth, so ... lkjdlgljkg 

tagged by: I stole this from the wonderful @more-than-a-princess, who is such an inspiration & admirable writer ! my dash would not be the same without Rae on it, & her Sonia is amazing ! highly recommend 🌷 tagging: @theircurse / @spiinsparks / @weasleyandweasley​ / @xamassed / @madamhatter / @lionfated / @galaxofmuses / @champiionic / @aevisong / @scholarlyblade / @detectiveheizou / @balladccr / @librarywent / @lightcreators / @sourentropy ( whichever blog you like ! ) // @pompedia & anyone else who’d like to do this ! 😊

[taeyamayang]

Hello!! I just saw your pick a card event and I think it’s cool!! I was wondering if i could join :) my name is Elena, i don’t really mind the genders and i choose the cards diamonds, hearts and clover. I would say im an ambivert, my mood varies on the vibes i get from the environment, i love travelling (kinda wanna travel the world), i also love memes, baking, going on walks, playing with animals and sunny days; i dont like bugs, rainy days, violence and mayonnaise. A word prompt would be freedom

Tip: “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final <3” Rainer Maria Rilke

Neway, i hope i did this the right way but if not please feel free to message me!! Im also always up for chatting :) again this event looks soo cool, its great!! I wish you a really good day and upcoming November month, remember to hydrate yourself and stay safe

a/n: thank you for the quote, elena! that was really nice and relevant to me ♡ i hope we get to communicate more in the future! stay safe and happy new year!! i hope you like this one i did for you (one of my faves aahhhh)

you chose: DIAMOND, HEARTS, & CLOVER

DIAMOND: best friend

YOUR BEST FRIEND: Daichi Sawamura

TROPE: childhood bestfriend

GENRE: coming of age | fluff! | wholesome | a bit of crack

GIST: Ever since as a kid, you and Daichi distress through one way, by cycling to the top of a hill and screaming your lungs out until the grappling emotions are no longer present. Hence, on the day you were sinking in the void and lost in the threads of confusion and anger, you call the only friend you know who could pull you back to sanity. Daichi, without a doubt, agrees to meet with you, to the hill that you both name yours. With no question, he screamed with you. his voice failing him during the third scream made him chuckle at how his voice cracked. His laugh is contagious, resulting in you laughing with him, seemingly making all your worries and apprehensions disappear.

HEARTS: soulmate

YOUR SOULMATE: Sugawara Koushi

TROPE: damsel in distress

GENRE: fantasy | hurt/comfort | fluff | adventure | greek gods and goddesses | mutual pining | art and music | romance

GIST: For many, freedom is shaped in different forms and sizes but for you, freedom is him. as a deity cursed to become a stone statue to protect the gates of the sacred place of the gods and goddesses, the only condition for you to become a living half-mortal is to find a human who could make your heartbeat again. And you met him, the commoner with an infectious smile and dazzling gaze. he spends most of his afternoons at the foot of your statue, playing his harp, watching the breeze brush through the trees and grasslands. On that day, the clouds hover over the beaming sun, and the wind is still. He spoke to you. “I have a new piece, but none of my friends are eager to hear my music. You are the only one who openly accepts my songs.” He smiles at his harp before leaning his head to your frigid legs. “I wrote you a song for you.” And at the exact moment he finishes playing the song on his harp, you feel the rush of warm blood travel through your veins. You are, once again, alive.

CLOVER: star-crossed lover

YOUR LOVER: Akaashi Keiji

TROPE: red string of fate

GENRE: alternative and parallel universe | fantasy | ANGST | 2683729k slow burn | hurt

GIST: In the first weeks of summer, unclasped with the chains of workloads and responsibilities and tasting freedom for the first time since god knows when you ventured out on an individual trip to known towns you’re foreign to. During your trip, you find old letters from random places such as by the window pane, inside a telephone box, next to a flickering lamp post, and even under the bed of an apartment, you rented for one night. The common about the letters is the penmanship and the wax seal tampered with a lily flower. You read through the letter gradually. Somehow, it all made sense. It’s as if you’re reading a letter from a close friend, more so a lover. As you go on your trip, you find more letters. The writer describes his lover with features similar to yours. And when your orbs meet the last sentence of the last letter on your final destination, memories unknown to you came crashing. “if you read this final letter, it means you existed, again. I hope, my love, in the lifetime you’re reading this, I, too, is alive.” 

Masterlist | HQ Masterlist

[stickyy]

if it's not too much of a hassle,you can write about hawks with a SugarBaby (reader) because he's like a SugarDaddy BUUUT Instead of being the one who dominates,¿is the reader who does it? hawks only gives her money and gifts as payment for a little of your attention,hawks pays the reader to dominate it and pay for his company,if you step on his crotch he will surely thank you (femdom and ¿mommy kink?). I was thinking a lot about this dynamic and I found it VERY interesting,¿what do you think?.

warnings: sub!hawks degradation, findom, femdom, mommy!kink, cock stepping, spit kink, an instance of face slapping, hawks is a little bitch simp with a fat wallet, reader is kind of a bad bitch ngl 

wordcount: 2340

notes: anon this is IT this is what im mf talking ABOUT!!!

PERFORMANCE

Keigo all about spectacle. Chaotic destruction in the pursuit of a villain, the dramatics of combat, blinding camera flashes, cacophonies of squealing fangirls, the sheer wealth that comes with the exclusivity of the top 10- he’s no stranger to the limelight. Popular for a reason, he’s young and powerful, deceivingly coy despite it all, and it drives the public wild. He has them in the palm of his hand. A playboy poster child, spectacle is his middle name, and he wears it well.

He gives you a different performance behind closed doors.

You’re working, finishing an uneventful shift at your dreadfully mundane day job. You’ve been counting down the hours, which, ironically, causes time to slow down. Scrolling through your social media feed, you just want to pass the time. You’re skimming an article about music when your phone vibrates in your hand.

‘heyyyy :)’

A grin spreads across your face. The number is unlisted, which is exactly why you know who it is. Excitement bubbles in your chest, the monotony of the day suddenly shattered. Keigo must be in town; he knows not to contact you unless he has something to show.

You check to make sure your read receipts are enabled, before staring at the message on the screen, not bothering to type a response. It’s a waiting game; you want him to work for it, to put on a show only for you.

Two whole minutes pass before you receive another.

‘i’m back in town tonight! :D’

You make no move, not yet appeased. It takes five minutes for him to cave:

‘can i see you?’

‘i need to see you’

‘missed you so much, mommy’

‘let me take you out to dinner? please?’

The prospect of a nice dinner outshines the takeout you were planning to order. A quick google search gives you a few options, and you decide on a steakhouse. They have wagyu, which you’ve been dying to try. Of course, coming in at $120 a steak, you hadn’t gotten a chance to yet. 

You send him the link, along with a short message:

‘8 pm, wear something nice.’

He instantly responds with a ‘thank you mommy :)’. You can’t help the the giggle that comes out of your mouth.

-

Keigo takes you back to his place after dinner. You make a point to keep your red-bottomed heels on, the click-click of your stride setting the tone for the night. He slips into his role easily, taking your coat and purse (both gifts from him; $1,790 and $2,850, respectively) to hang up. You take your place on the plush couch in his living room, legs crossed as you lean back, thoroughly satisfied from your meal. You never pay, of course- you don’t even go out of your way to acknowledge the check, but you were able to sneak a peek at the tab, which came in at a whopping $459.85. You didn’t think that two people could spend so much on a meal, but Keigo always found a way to spoil you.

He comes back into the room with a bottle of wine that you had requested last time you saw him (1990 Château Haut Brion, $875; even you had to admit that was ridiculous), handing you a wine glass and pouring your drink. He moves to fill his own, but you stop him.

“I didn’t say that you were allowed to drink tonight,” it’s a casual statement, but your pleasure ignites at the slightly dejected look on his face as he closes the bottle. It’s such a contrast to how you see him in the press. He never stops performing, you know, but this act is different. His fans see his chest puffed and wings flared, you get to see him on a leash.

“Why don’t you come sit next to Mommy?” you offer, Keigo perks up, meeting your gaze as he moves to take a seat next to you on the couch.

“The floor,” you correct before he can do otherwise. His breath hitches and he hesitates for a moment, but he kneels next to you anyways. He’s so pretty beneath you. It minimizes him, his usually proud aura squandered from your elevated point of view. It doesn’t help that he loves it- loves slipping into his role of being lesser. It excites him, and that, in turn, spurs you on. You thread your free hand through his hair and he visibly relaxes, pressing into your palm as his wings unfold slightly. The two of you stay like that for the moment as you sip on your wine, the luxury made so much sweeter by the hero in your company.

“Did you miss me?” you break the silence with your question, tilting his head up toward you to make eye contact. He nods enthusiastically, subconsciously scooting closer to you.

“Yeah,” his voice is saccharine, gaze full of adoration, “couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Of course, you sick freak. You’re supposed to be off saving the world, and you’re thinking about the girl who won’t even fuck you if you don’t pay up first,” you tug on his hair roughly, causing him to hiss in pain. A grin graces his features despite the abuse.

“You know I can’t help it, you drive me crazy.”

He shifts, and you can see the outline of a bulge in his pants.

“You’re fucking kidding,” you scoff, “all I’ve done is play with your hair and you’re already hard?”

He’s so easy to fluster when he’s like this, willing and pliant in your hands. He nods again, always so unashamed in his perversion.

“I didn’t touch myself at all, like you told me to, and it’s been so long,” his eyes plead with you, slightly rocking his hips for any kind of relief. He wasn’t allowed to jerk off so long as he was seeing you.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re easy for it, baby. All it takes is a little affection to get you to empty your wallet. Pathetic, don’t you think?”

He whines quietly, pupils visibly dilating . “Yeah, I’m pathetic, just a slut for Mommy.”

With a hum, you set your glass down and uncross your legs. “Unzip your pants.”

He obeys, getting the zipper stuck twice in his haste. Cute.

You press the flat of your heel against the tent in his boxers. The moan he lets out is sinful, grinding up against you in search of any sign of relief.

“These heels are so nice, aren’t they? Probably one of my favorite gifts,” you reminisce, admiring the way the shiny leather contrasts against his skin. You can already see a wet spot forming on his boxers. “Do you remember how much they cost you?”

He’s lost in the sensation, too preoccupied to answer your question. You step down slowly, watching his face contort into one of pain, though the grinding doesn’t cease.

“Answer me, Keigo.”

“F-fuck, what was it, like $700?” his voice cracks, his breathing labored.

“Close enough. Aren’t you embarrassed, spending all that money on shoes just so you can rut against them?” your words send a shudder through his body. The act is starting to fade as he nears his orgasm, his playful exterior melting into one of desperation.

“I’m close, fuck I’m close,” Keigo almost sounds panicked, his hips desperately bucking in pursuit of his first release in a long time. You remove your heel abruptly, pouting at him. He lets out a pitiful gasp as the loss of sensation, a sob making its way out of his throat.

“You know what you have to do if you want to cum,” you say sternly, feigning disappointment. He jumps up, stumbling across the room for his jacket and reaching for his phone in the pocket. You notice his hands are shaking as he taps his screen a few times, before your phone chimes in its place next to you. You look over, and grin at the Cash App notification. 

‘birdbrains🐤 sent you $1,430 for i love you mommy <3’.

“Holy shit, Kei, you’re that desperate to cum? If I didn’t know otherwise, I’d assume you can’t get anyone else to fuck you,”  You’ve always made his pay before he touches you, but he’s never broken a grand for just an orgasm.

“Please, Mommy,” is all he gives. He’s already back at your feet.

You spread your legs, unable to contain your arousal at this point; seeing the winged hero so broken always sets a fire in your stomach. “Make Mommy feel good, and I’ll let you stuff that needy cock inside of me.”

You don’t have to tell him twice. He’s immediately between your legs, pulling your lacy panties to the side (one half of a custom made designer set, $650) and shoving his face between your thighs. He always eats you like his life depends on it, obscenely slurping on your gushing entrance. He’s good at it too, expert tongue on your clit, pushing two fingers inside and prodding at your velveteen insides, causing you to bury your hands in his hair to keep him in place. You moan loudly, not bothering to hold back your noises. This is always about your pleasure, and you make sure to remind him of that first and foremost. It’s not necessary, though; you're convinced that he’d go bankrupt if it meant he could have even an hour of your time. You can do anything to him, say anything to him, and it only drives him crazier.

To prove your point, you squeeze your thighs against his head, effectively suffocating him. He doesn’t let up- if anything, he begins to lick and suckle more enthusiastically, hands gripping your thighs tightly. You keep him there for a solid minute, watching him struggle in your grip. It’s enough to push you over the edge, and you shout as you grind against his face, riding out your first orgasm of the night. You let up, spreading your legs again and he gasps for air, tears flowing freely as he catches his breath.

“Thank you Mommy, thankyouthankyouthankyou,” he huffs between gasps, face glistening with your juices. You grab his chin and lean down to give him a kiss, feeling him melt into you as he lets out a little moan. The taste of your arousal on his lips causes you to shiver in pure euphoria. You pull back but keep his chin in your hand, coaxing his mouth open before you spit, tilting his head back and watching your saliva slide down his throat.

“Good boy,” he perks at the praise, smiling despite himself.

“Go ahead and strip for me, and I’ll let you have that orgasm you want so bad,” you say as you stand, peeling yourself out of your dress. He obeys, albeit slowly as he’s more distracted watching you strip in front of him, eyes tracing your curves as you undo your bra and slide your panties down, opting to keep on the heels. You notice, but decide to let it slide this time. You gesture for him to sit and he obeys, grabbing your hips as you straddle his lap. His cock curves against his stomach, an angry red and damp with the obscene amount of pre dripping down his length.

“This looks like it hurts,” you lilt mockingly, gently running a finger up his length to gather some of his pre. You smear it on his lower lip, raw from your earlier abuse.

“It does, fuck- Mommy, please,” he’s back to begging, eyes misty, “Please let me fuck you Mommy, I promise I’ll make you cum again, I’ll make you cum as many times as you want-”

“Shh,” you stop his babbling, positioning yourself over him, “keep your hips still for me, okay?”

He nods, and you begin to sink onto his length, slowly.

He moans, eyelids fluttering as your gummy walls begin to constrict around his length. He struggles to keep himself from squeezing your hips and fucking up into you, but he manages in fear of a punishment. You take your sweet time before bottoming out, staying completely still. Keigo chokes on a sob, thighs quivering with the effort to stay put, and you watch him for just a moment longer, revelling in the sight. He’s flushed down to his chest, eyes lidded and pupils blown, skin dewy with sweat and tears and your slick, wings fluttering behind him. 

If only his fans could see him now.

You take pity on him and start to move, allowing him to take your weight in his hands, bouncing you on his cock. It takes a lot of focus not to get lost in the sensation, squelching noises filling the empty air as your mind starts to blur, his cock rubbing against the spongy walls of your pussy. He’s nothing if not enthusiastic, moaning unabashedly, eyes trained on your face. He’s already close, but there’s a determination in his eyes that confuses you slightly; he has permission to cum after all. It’s when the blunt head of his cock hits something gooey inside of you that it makes sense; of course he’s making good on his promise to make you cum first. He’s a good boy, after all. It doesn’t take long, his hips jackrabbiting as he abuses that spot in you, forcing the pressure in your stomach to pull taut, and eventually snap. You cum with a squeal of his name, vision darkening as you watch him finish, stray tears flowing down his cheeks. You catch a few with your thumb and lick them up.

“What do you say?”

“Thank you, Mommy,” he’s breathless, but you can tell he’s not totally satisfied; it’s been weeks since he’s seen you, after all. He begins to roll his hips again, face scrunching in the sweet torture of overstimulation. 

You land a firm slap on his cheek and he gasps, giving you a surprised look.

“You know what you have to do if you want another orgasm.”

The show goes on.

[hiskittyyywrites]

✧Birthday Sugar✧

Iwaizumi x F!reader NSFW

Warnings: daddy kink, kinda rough sex, semi public sex

MINORS!! DNI

a/n; First time writing a fic. Kinda nervous. Hello everyone! Welcome to my page! Here is my very FIRST fanfic and I'm so excited to share it with you all! Please enjoy and stay sweet 🍭

-His Kittyyy

________________

Hajime Iwaizumi. 37.  Owns 15 sports training facilities across California, including 1 in Tokyo so yeah, he’s dripping in money.

Most people know Iwa as a hard ass. Not the type to just hand out his cash to anyone.

But to Iwa, something about you made him wanna throw all his cash at you.

You both live together in his 6 bedroom modern house in L.A. You see the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets while lounging at the infinity pool.

You don’t ask for much but he loves to spoil you

Just last week he came to pick you up from work. As yall walk to the parking lot, he pulls out a pair of keys to a brand new BMW

“I saw it this morning and thought my baby girl could use a new whip”. You told him to take it back and, as usual, he rolled his eyes and shoved the keys in your hands. “Get in the car before I ruin that cute ass of yours in this parking lot instead of back at the house.”

The weekend before he whisked you away to Jamaica. He had a business meeting being held there for a possible new building. Plus he wanted to fuck you on the balcony of your hotel room while overlooking the Caribbean sea.

Buys you the most expensive gowns and dresses. He has to attend business-related dinners and parties so of course, he’s gonna wanna show you off. 

Always makes sure you have the best wines when you go out to dinner.

He knows you secretly love sapphires so he bought you a sapphire and diamond drop pendant on an 18k white gold chain for your birthday. He puts it on you and whispers in your ear “I see why you love sapphires so much, y/n. It looks fantastic against your skin.” He kissed your neck as he clasped the chain together. “I’ll have to remember to get you more…”

It's the evening of your birthday. You're wearing an expensive black, velvet maxi dress. It's off the shoulders. Deep V cut so it shows the curves of your breast nicely. The skirt of the dress has an M slit and you're wearing your favorite pair of dark blue stilettos. Of course, you're wearing your birthday pendant. Iwa wouldn't let you leave the house without it. 

Iwa is wearing a black suit with a blue tie so it matches your heels and pendant perfectly. The man has style and loves to match with you on dates. 

Iwa took you out to your favorite restaurant, Miro. From there he took you to a classy bar. The Varnish. This was his favorite and you remember he took you there on your first date. The bar is very dim with soft music flowing through the building. You found out once you're inside that he had rented the whole place out so you two could be alone. You had a few drinks then slowly danced in the middle of the dance floor. Jazz music swarming around you. "Did you have a great birthday, y/n?" "It was more than I could ever imagine!" You smiled brightly at him. He smirked. "I'm glad to hear that baby girl…" he pulls you in for a kiss as hands glide down from your hips to your ass "...now I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get out of here and get you out of this dress" His warm breath make you shiver as he whispered in your ear. You responded with a moan as he squeezed your ass. "I'll take that as a yes". He takes your wrist and drags you to the Escalade waiting for you. You both jump in the back and Iwa immediately pulls you onto his lap.

 As the driver takes off, Iwa latches his soft lips on your neck. You moan as his wet tongue traces the outline of your necklace. "Seriously baby girl, I'm gonna have you dripping in sapphires every day. We're going shopping tomorrow after brunch." As he bites down on your neck, you let out a moan. You feel him grow hard as you grind against him. He starts to trail light, wet kisses from your neck, down the deep V until he finds the curve of your left breast. He pulls down the top of your dress just enough so your breast bounces out. He immediately takes your left nipple into his mouth and his free hand rubs on your right nipple.

As you throw your head back in pleasure, Iwa lays you down across the back seat. He bites your nipple and you let out a staggered moan. You feel yourself growing wet as he grinds his hard-on against you. His hand slowly travels from your nipple to your soaking wet cunt. That's when he realized, you didn't have any underwear. "Baby girl. Were you expecting me to fuck you in public this even?" You blushed as the streets faded in and out of the vehicle. "I'm always prepared for anything, Daddy." Iwa smirked. He secretly loves it when you call him daddy. He starts to hike up your dress. He's nested in between your legs when he starts biting at your thighs. Leaving marks and wet kisses trailing up to your wet heat. 

He slides two cold fingers across your folds and you let out a loud gasp. "Pleaseee daddy…" you moaned out loud. "Please what?" He pressed back blowing at your throbbing pussy. You moaned and started wiggling your hip. Iwa frowned and slapped your thigh. "Now baby girl, I KNOW I taught you better than that. Use your words." You pouted at him. He started to pull away "You got 5 minutes until we're home. Better hurry up or I’ll just have to make you wait." You both locked eyes until you spoke up. "Please fuck me with your tongue, daddy." Iwa smirked and dipped back down to your heat. "Anything for the birthday girl," He said as his tongue flattened against your clit. You let out a breathy moan as his tongue slides in between your folds. Iwa immediately starts darting his tongue in and out of you. When he applies pressure to your swollen clit with his thumb, you thread your hands through his hair to push him deeper. "Hajime…" you moaned. Iwa makes eye contact with you. He knows exactly what you want. You always call him by his first name when you're about to cum. He slows down his pace. You whimper, "Hajimeeee please!" He stops his tongue work but his thumb made slow circles on your clit. "Now baby girl if you wanna cum, you know how to ask….properly." It was almost like he was staring into your soul, waiting for the response he was looking for. You let out a frustrating groan. "Please let me cum, daddy!" Iwa smirks. "Good girl." He lifts your legs onto his shoulders. His mouth connects back with your clit as he slips two fingers in your pussy. A loud moan escapes from your mouth. The way he's working his tongue and fingers right now is insane. You start to feel your stomach coil. You're right there on the edge. Iwa feels your pussy start to pulse around his fingers. He pumps faster. "That's it, baby girl! Cum on daddy's fingers! Get them all nice and wet for me!" His words were enough to end you over the edge. ''FUCK! IM CUMMING!" You scream as your juices sprayed out from you. Iwa removed his fingers from inside you. He sucks your juices off from his fingers with a moan. "Hmm baby girl, you've always had the sweetest taste. Taste yourself." He brings you into a searing hot kiss. Forces his tongue into your mouth so you could have a taste for yourself. 

As you're coming down from your high, the driver pulls up to the house. Iwa hands him a $100 bill and the older man exits the vehicle. Arms a little wobbly, you try to sit up only to be shoved back down. You look at Iwa puzzled but he was too busy unbuckling his belt. "Sorry baby but daddy decided he's just gonna fuck you in the back seat of this Escalade." Before you could even protest, he pulled your dress over your head so you were completely naked in front of him. The moonlight made your skin glow as it peeked through the sunroof. "You're so beautiful, y/n. Even in the moonlight. No one compares to you." You pull in for a soft kiss as he caressed your cheek. You feel his meaty grath slowly slide into you. You moaned into his mouth. Your cunt was still soaking wet so it was easy for him to slip into you. 

Iwa pulls back from the kiss but keeps eye contact with you. "Fuck baby, you're so tight around me. You feel amazing." He starts to pick up his pace. He pounding you so hard the car is literally shaking. "Oh my god, Hajime!! Fuck I'm gonna cum again." "Fuck just hold on a little longer. I'm almost there baby girl." He flips you around so that you're on your hands and knees. Your face pressed against the cool window. Iwa trusts back in you, fucking you from behind. He gives you a slap on your ass. You cry out from the sting. "Fuck baby...throw it back on daddy.' You start thrusting back on his cock. Your pussy is so wet you can hear the juices spilling out of you. Iwa moans as he grabs onto your hips. "You're gonna make me cum in a second." You asked if he was gonna pull out. He smirked and leaned in towards your ear. "Absolutely not beautiful. We're gonna test out that expensive birth control I just paid for! See if it works against my swimmers." He bites down on your shoulder as he wraps his arm around and rubs your clit. "Hajime I'm cumming!" You scream out his name in pleasure. "Cum for me again. Squeeze that wet cunt around me!" That was enough to push you over again for the second time tonight. After a couple more thrusts, Iwa released inside you. You felt his warm cum coat the inside of you. There was much, it started dripping out of you.

You clasped along the back seat.  Exhausted from all the pleasure. Iwa pulled your naked body back into his. He wrapped his suit jacket around you and help you close to his body. Whispering sweet nothings, rubbing you back while pampering your face with soft kisses. You soon drifted to sleep.

Iwa carried you out the car to the house bridal style. He whispered to you "I hope you had a wonderful birthday baby girl. Don't worry. Daddy is still taking you shopping tomorrow after brunch."

[paterson-blue]

Honey, You're Familiar (Like My Mirror Years Ago); Part 3

Part 3: The Date

Part 1 I Part 2 I Part 3 I Part 4 I Part 5

Summary: Things don't go exactly to plan. Clyde stresses.

Word Count: 4,010

Warnings: fluff, spice, grumpy Clyde Logan, pouty boy (but he's still in love), sentimentalism, sickly sweet pet names, smoochin', grindin', oral sex (male receiving), cum on body (not in!), original female character–let me know if I need to add anything else!

A/N: Thanks again to @paper-n-ashes for being my beta reader & quelling all my writing jitters. You're the absolute best!

Prefer AO3? I gotcha!

It’s a fuckin’ disaster.

Starts out nice. Juniper shows up on his doorstep wearin’ a slinky little black dress, one that shows off her curves and makes Clyde’s mouth go dry. She tells him he looks handsome and he feels giddy. He sweeps his newly styled hair out of his face, sayin’ she looks absolutely stunnin’. Juniper beams, grabs his hand, tells him they better get a move on ‘fore they’re late.

They’re late. They’re later than late.

They aren’ five minutes outta town when lightenin’ starts to streak across the sky. Clyde shifts uneasily, eyes cast upward towards the swirling heavens. It’s rainin’ cats and dogs in no time and Juniper has to slow to half the speed limit to drive safely. Clyde’s thoughts go to the river up ahead, the one the road crew was still tryna’ re-stabilize since the last storm flooded it.

Fifteen minutes from their destination and they have t’pull to a stop on the highway, suddenly blocked in a jam. Flashin’ red and blue lights indicate an accident up front, and while Clyde spares a thought to whoever was involved, he can’t help but check the time. They aren’ gonna make their reservation, he just knows it.

The car behind ‘em lays on its horn, the sound makin’ both Clyde & Juniper jump. The driver either doesn’ seem to understand the concept of bein’ stuck or plain just don’ care. Clyde clenches his jaw, glowerin’ into the rear view mirror—he can only see the driver’s silhouette behind the bright glow of the headlights. He’s keepin’ his cool until the driver reaches his arm out, in the pourin’ rain an’ all, just t’give Juniper the finger.

Clyde’s unbucklin’ his belt quick as can be, chest heavin’ as he reaches for the door handle. He’s ‘bout ready to stomp to the car and yank the man out.Teach ‘im a lesson on manners, teach ‘im t’treat a lady like—

“Clyde.” Juniper stops him in his tracks with just his name on her lips. He looks over at her from under his hair, expression tense. She reaches up to caress his cheek, holdin’ his face in her little palm so sweetly, thumb brushin’ over the sharp line of his jaw. “Leave him be. It’s not worth gettin’ into trouble.”

Clyde deflates, honey brown eyes downcast. He sounds miserable when he speaks. “… We’re gonna miss dinner.”

“I know, sugar. It’s okay.”

His heart flutters in his broad chest despite his distress. She’d called him ‘sugar.’ He likes that; wants to hear it again real soon.

By the time they get through all the traffic and make it to the restaurant, their reservation is indeed gone, table havin’ been given away. They stand together just outside the building, under the little awning in an attempt to stay out of the rain.

Clyde huffs, so morose that he’s unable to enjoy the way she was pressed up against his side. “M’sorry.”

Juniper frowns, reachin’ up to pat his stomach gently. “You stop that. You haven’t done anything to be sorry for.”

Clyde shakes his head sadly, heavin’ out a sigh. “It’s the Logan Family Curse.”

She looks up at him, brows arched, her hand still settled on his belly. “Oh is it now?”

He nods, brows pinched together. Juniper reaches for his hand, pulling it to her lips and pressin’ a kiss to his knuckles. “You aren’t cursed, Clyde Logan. And if you are, I’m perfectly happy to be cursed right along with you.”

Clyde doesn’ quite know how to respond to that, but luckily, he doesn’t have to right away. Juniper moves her lips to the pads of his large fingers, kissin’ ‘em gently before lettin’ him pull his hand away. Clyde cradles her pretty face in his palm, takin’ the time to admire her. Finally, he speaks. “Thank you, darlin’. That’s mighty nice of you t’say.”

Juniper nuzzles into his touch, sighin’ happily; it makes Clyde feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“I’m only saying what’s true. Now c’mon. I know it’s a Friday night but there’s bound to be somewhere we can eat.”

They end up findin’ an old fashioned drive-in burger place, somewhere they can park and eat in the car out of the rain. It’s not where Clyde wants to take her; she deserves to be wined and dined all proper, not greasy burgers and milkshakes. But Juniper doesn’ seem to mind; as soon as they’re parked she’s squintin’ up at the menu, a big smile on her face.

“This all sounds so fucking good.” She giggles, lookin’ over at him. It makes the disappointment in Clyde’s chest fade away, and he leans over the center console to peer out the window to see what choices they were offered. It puts him in her space, and Juniper leans in to press a gentle kiss to his temple. He blushes, his cheeks only getttin’ hotter when she brushes some of his hair out of his face. He desperately wants to kiss her but he doesn’ know if it’s the right time.

He’s finally acceptin’ the night’s change of plans—finally acceptin’ that this might be good, burgers and fries while dressed up nice, watchin’ the rain pour from the safety of Juniper’s little Corolla—when the carhop comes out to tend to them. Clyde’s already diggin’ into his wallet as Juniper rattles off their order; he holds his debit card out, arm reachin’ over Juniper’s lap.

The carhop doesn’ move for the card. Instead, they say “Card machine’s down. Cash only.” in what Clyde thinks is possibly the most bored tone they could muster. He tries not to bristle as he fumbles with his wallet for a second time, patience already worn thin from the night’s events. He’s only got a fifty in his billfold. The fifty.

Their fifty.

He hesitates, even though he knows it’s irrational; Jimmy always did tell him he was too damn sentimental for his own good. Juniper must realize—she always does, Clyde never seems to have to explain himself to her—because she grabs her purse from the floorboard. Clyde stops her, shakin’ his head as he tugs the fifty dollar bill out. “S’alright, darlin’. Y’told me t’save it for a rainy day.”

Juniper’s face softens at his words, and Clyde hands the money over to the carhop, who looks like they want to be literally anywhere else. Soon Clyde’s been given his change, and he quickly puts it back up. As soon as he’s done Juniper’s reachin’ for him, pullin’ him in by his collar. Clyde goes willingly, twistin’ in his seat to move his prosthetic to the middle of her back, arm wrapped around her.

“I’ll give you another one.” She tells him firmly, and Clyde huffs out a laugh.

“Well that’d be awful silly of ya, Junebug. You’ll run outta money real quick if y’keep givin’ it all t’me.” He tries to soothe her with a joke, wantin’ to let her know that it was alright. Sure, it had been special to him—reminded him of their meetin’—but it was just a piece a’ paper. What was a piece a’ paper when he had the most important thing right here in front a’ him?

He wants to curl up further into her, but their positions don’t allow for it—the vehicle doesn’ exactly allow for him to move his long limbs much a’ anywhere. If this was as close as he could get, he was satisfied. Juniper shifts suddenly, eyes trained on him as she leans closer. They share a breath, then two, and then she’s pressin’ her mouth against his.

It’s nothin’ if not chaste. Clyde gets the feelin’ she doesn’ exactly want to neck in the front seat of her car like teenagers—at least not in plain view of the drive-in’s staff and other patrons. Just a gentle kiss, a little more than a peck; firm and lingerin’ just enough that he knows it happened. Juniper follows it up with another one at the corner of mouth, their noses pressin’ against one another’s cheeks.

It’s more than enough for Clyde; more than enough to get his pulse to sky rocket. He can’t remember the last time he’s been treated so gently, so much love in such a small movement. She gives him a smile when she pulls away, and they both sit back in their seats, starin’ all heart-eyed at one another. She takes the metal of his hand in hers, holdin’ it, and Clyde thinks maybe he should reconsider the whole curse thing.

They head back home after finishin’ their meal, the storm slowly peterin’ off as they get closer to Clyde’s trailer. Juniper walks him to his door, gigglin’ when she offers him her arm to escort him. He takes it, grinnin’ like a fool as they stomp up the front steps. They stand there under the yellow porch light, humid heat surroundin’ ‘em. Clyde usually hated the humidity, but not when it was like this, creatin’ such a hazy, intimate bubble around ‘em. Juniper drops her arm, but only to reach for Clyde’s flesh hand, holdin’ it in both of hers.

“I had a really nice time tonight, Clyde. Best date I’ve ever been on—and I mean that.”

Clyde can feel himself blushin’, a pleased smile turnin’ his lips up. “I had a good time, too. Wouldja—wouldja wanna do it again? Sometime soon?”

“Yes.” She answers almost before he can finish askin’, and they both laugh. There’s a beat, a pause, a breath, and then Juniper is leanin’ up the same moment Clyde’s leanin’ down. It’s a relief when their lips touch, like the first drink a’ water in the mornin’. Clyde thinks he’s been parched his whole life and never even knew it.

Juniper’s the one who deepens it, the one who drops his hand to lean into him, to thread her fingers through his thick hair, holdin’ him close. And fuck, Clyde isn’ gonna fight it. He wraps his arm around her, prosthetic against her back as his hand moves to hold her face. His palm envelops her cheek, thumb under her chin to keep her head lifted. They kiss and kiss, and when she makes a little whine in the back of her throat Clyde swears he’s floatin’.

When she pulls away to breathe he makes a sound of his own, a disappointed little groan that she huffs out a laugh at. He’d be embarrassed if she wasn’ nuzzlin’ her nose against his cheek like she can’t get enough.

“Those lips a’ yours aren’t fair.” She murmurs, and Clyde hums, strokin’ his thumb along her jawline. He doesn’ want this to end, he thinks for possibly the thousandth time that night. He doesn’ wanna let her get back in her car an’ drive across town, over the train tracks, past the antique shop, until she gets to the bed & breakfast.

He wants her right here, and he’s never been the one in this position, but he doesn’ hesitate when he asks her, “D’y’wanna come in?”

She nods, and it sets his chest aflame. They straighten up, untanglin’ themselves from one another even as she leans into his side, not wantin’ t’be too far. Clyde’s hands shake as he unlocks the front door but he doesn’ care if she sees. He wants her to see, wants her to know what she’s doin’ t’him. Maybe then...maybe she won’t leave.

Clyde flicks on the lights, closin’ the door behind both of ‘em. He watches as Juniper assesses his things: his clumsily cleaned living area, the small kitchenette that was (thankfully) decluttered. The hallway leads back to the bathroom, and then his bedroom, but Clyde doesn’ dare look towards it, much less lead her that way. Instead, he steps towards the fridge, hand reachin’ out to brush against the door.

“Want anythin’ t’drink?” He asks, voice quiet, as if nervous to disturb the silence. Juniper shoots him a smile, shakin’ her head as she perches on the couch.

“No, I’m okay, thank you.”

Clyde nods, lingerin’ there even though he doesn’ want a drink neither. Her eyes look him over, amusement showin’ in them.

“Why don’t you c’mere? If you want, of course.”

He wants. Oh, how he wants. So he goes, movin’ across the distance between them in three long strides until he can sit himself next to her. He’s stock straight, heart thrummin’ in his chest; his nice button-down feels all tight against his skin, too itchy. He thinks only her touch’ll soothe it, but doesn’ wanna ask her. Juniper, however, reads his mind; she always can. She smoothes a hand over his jean-clad thigh, leanin’ in ever so slowly, like she’s gonna startle him if she moves too fast. Clyde’s breath catches in his throat as she kisses him again, and it's heaven, it's heaven.

It’s different from in the car, from on the porch. This time there’s more purpose to it. Juniper’s kissin’ him—tastin’ him— like he belongs to her, and Clyde thinks maybe it's because she knows he does. He’s tryna’ angle his body just right, tryin’ t’lean down without puttin’ a crick in his neck. Not that he’d care much, if he did--a crick was worth this, worth the feelin’ of her tongue brushin’ against his bottom lip, against his teeth.

Juniper makes a frustrated little noise, pullin’ back, and Clyde’s brows furrow in confusion.

“Wha--Wha’s--?” He stammers out, flesh hand flexin’ on her waist, the silky fabric of her dress feelin’ so soft and cool against his skin. Juniper’s lips are plush and kiss bitten; Clyde tries to take a picture of ‘em in his memory, eyes trained on their pretty color. He almost misses her question. Scratch that, he does miss her question; has to very ineloquently say “huh?” to get her to repeat it. She ducks her head, voice shy.

“Can I, uh--get in your lap?”

Shit. Shit. Clyde nearly feels dizzy for all the blood rushin’ down south. It makes him a little self-conscious; she’s not gonna want t’sit on his lap and have his cock pressin’ into her all demandin’ like. But damn, his little Junebug looks so eager, her eyes darker than he’s ever seen ‘em, and like he’d said: he wants. So he just nods, barely breathin’.

Juniper shifts, pushin’ him into the back of the couch and he goes easily, willingly. She hikes her dress up her legs and Clyde gets a barely there peek of dark green lace before she’s straddlin’ his lap. He moans, can’t fuckin’ help it, and Juniper dives in to capture the sound with her mouth. Her hands are on his face, in his hair, fingers rubbin’ the shells of his ears—he’s surrounded, he’s drownin’, suffocatin’. He’s never felt so alive.

His own hands are placed chastely on either one of her hips, though he knows his flesh hand must be grippin’ her somethin’ fierce. The thought flashes in his mind, of him leavin’ little fingerprint shaped bruises on her skin for her to feel the next day. It makes him shiver underneath her.

Juniper takes and takes, and Clyde lets her. Clyde wants to be taken, in whatever way she’ll have him. Suddenly she’s pullin’ away just enough to suck in a little air, lips still brushin’ against his. He presses his long nose into the soft skin of her cheek, breath hot between them. When Juniper speaks, her voice is strained.

“Touch me, Clyde. Please.”

He doesn’ hesitate. His good hand moves from her hip to her ass, grabbin’, kneadin’ as he pulls her tighter against him. She lets out the prettiest noise Clyde thinks he’s ever heard, and his lips find her neck as his other arm comes around to hold her close. God, she tastes so good; her perfume fills his head until he feels dizzy with it.

She's pressed flush to him like this, grindin’ her hips against his. Clyde’s hard and leakin’ in his brand new jeans and the only thing he can think of is hearin’ her little noises again. Her hands are back in his hair, pullin’ at it, sweepin’ it away from his face so he doesn’ get tangled in it as his mouth makes a hot path down the neckline of her dress.

It feels so damn good that Clyde doesn’ realize she’s tryin’ to get his attention until she yanks on his tresses, his scalp burnin’ from it. Honestly he thinks he groans, rough and wild in his throat, the pain shootin’ straight to his cock. But it makes him look at her, and she holds him from divin’ back into her skin.

“Clyde I wanna—I wanna taste you. Is that okay? Can I?”

Lord Almighty above. That should be his line, it really should. But how can he argue with her? He’d give her anythin’ she wanted, anythin’. And she wanted—wanted to put her mouth on him. Clyde spares a thought for all the trimmed and proper men he’s seen in porn, how much nicer they looked, how Juniper deserved the best. West coast mean surely didn’ look the way he did. But then,“Yes,” he’s sayin’, voice ragged, “yes.”

And she’s slippin’ out of his lap onto the floor between his legs. Clyde’s heart pinches, and he leans forward to pick her right back up. To say “oh, darlin’, y’don’ need to be on the hard floor like that. Lemme stand an’ you c’n sit right back on these here pillows.” But before he can get his legs under him she's pressin’ her face between ‘em, nuzzlin’ into the scratchy fabric of his jeans, right up against his cock. Clyde’s brain short circuits.

“Been wantin’ this.” Juniper murmurs, small hands workin’ at his belt, and Clyde arches his hips up, tryin’ t’help her get his jeans off. He can’t believe this—can’t believe this is happenin’. She tugs his jeans and pants down his legs, just enough that his cock is revealed. Clyde clumsily unbuttons the first couple buttons at the bottom of his shirt, not wantin’ to get the new fabric messy. Juniper seems to like his idea; she sighs and leans forward to press her lips to the bare skin of his stomach.

“Sweetheart.” Clyde whispers, voice all trembly. He stretches out a little, givin’ her more access to his pale abdomen. Her lips are so soft against his skin, against the dark trail of hair leadin’ down, down, down. She follows it, nosin’ to the crook of his thigh, teeth scrapin’ deliciously ‘fore she turns her attention to his cock—already plump and stiff, and very interested in her ministrations. She wraps a hand around it and Clyde’s breath catches in his throat. She studies his cock, gives it a gentle stroke, thumb rubbin’ at the velvety head.

“You’re so big.” Her voice is quiet, but it startles Clyde all the same—he’s been transfixed by the vision in front of him.

“O-Oh, I-m, uh—“

He’s attemptin’ to apologize—his first instinct, really. But his brain isn’t really functionin’ all that well, and then she’s leanin’ in to lave her tongue over his slit. Clyde groans, a sound comin’ deep from his chest as he zeros in on the pretty pink of her soft, wet tongue. Juniper hums as if she’s pleased, a little smile on her face, and then she’s slippin’ her mouth over his cock in earnest.

Clyde’s head drops back against the couch pillow, lungs strugglin’ to suck in air. Oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck—it felt so good. She was gorgeous, she was perfect, she was a fucking angel doin’ this for him. She couldn’ take all of him into her mouth but goddamn she was tryin’. It didn’ matter—even if she wasn’ usin’ her hand to make up the difference, Clyde thinks he could cum just from seein’ her there between his legs, her silky soft lips on his skin.

He moves with her—not in a way where he’s pushin’ her or askin’ for more, but in a way where she’s pullin’ him; she’s the ebb and flow of the tide and he follows her willingly. His back arches, toes curlin’ up in his boots; his prosthetic settles on top of her free hand where it was grippin’ one of his large thighs. His other hand is too busy grippin’ the couch cushions to do much else. He’s lost to it—to her—an’ he doesn’ wanna be found.

It’s over far too quickly, embarrassingly so—it even surprises him. He’s ridin’ the high of his pleasure and his orgasm hits him so hard and fast that Clyde barely has any time t’warn her. All he can do is make a frantic noise, her name garbled in his throat as he quickly tries to push her off a’ him. But it’s too late—he’s cummin’ the same time that she’s pullin’ away, and Clyde can only watch in an odd mix of both arousal and horror as his cum paints her chin, neck, and cleavage.

Juniper’s mouth is held open in a surprised little ‘o’ shape, brows arched, and Clyde feels fuckin’ humiliated.

“J-Juniper, darlin’, m’so sorry, I—“ He scrabbles behind him for the throw blanket layin’ across the back of the couch, tuggin’ it into his lap so he can clean his mess off a’ her skin. He’s quick to tend to the spend on her cleavage first, hyperaware of how close it was to the fabric of her pretty black dress. “I’m sorry, I tried t’warn ya but it was too—“

“Clyde, it’s okay.” Her voice is all raspy and Clyde bites back a moan at the sound of it. She was so fuckin’ sexy, fuckin’ flawless. He’d cum all over her, messy and wild, and she was still lookin’ at him like he’d hung the damn moon. She pulls herself to standin’, and Clyde’s gaze dips down to where her knees were all red from kneelin’. Just another thing he didn’ know he found hot until now.

“But I guess it’s a little dangerous to keep this on, huh?”

His gaze snaps up to her face when she speaks, and she’s wearin’ a grin, eyes alight. Then she’s twistin’ her arms around, wrigglin’ out of that cute little dress until it graces the linoleum floor. She bends down to pick it up, drapin’ it carefully over one of the kitchen chairs. She moves like it’s nothin; like the sight of her in her heels and underwear ain’ makin’ his cock try to thicken up again.

“Yer so beautiful.” He tells her, gaze trained on her as she walks back over to him. Clyde feels so small with her standin’ in front of him; feels vulnerable even if he was still mostly dressed. Juniper steps out of her heels slowly, placin’ them to the side before leanin’ in, restin’ her hands on the back of the couch on either side of his head so she can kiss him.

Clyde runs his flesh hand over her bare waist, down the swell of her hip, toyin’ with the band of her underwear. He doesn’t push it down; he won’t without her permission. It’s enough to kiss her like this, soft and lazy, feelin’ her skin underneath his. He feels all gooey and happy from his orgasm, even if it had come sooner than he’d have liked.

He sighs into her mouth, content; chases her lips when she pulls away. Juniper starts to work on the buttons of his shirt, and he sits up to help her ease it off a’ his shoulders. She folds it neatly, settin’ it to the side; Clyde forces himself to speak, tryin’ to get his brain back in workin’ order. “D’y’wanna—wanna go back to the bedroom? You c’n lay down and I’ll—I’ll take care a’ ya.”

He thinks he sounds all awkward and silly, but Juniper gives him a warm smile, and his insecurities fade. She was always comfortin’ him, whether she knew it or not. She places one last lingerin’ kiss to his lips before noddin’ at him. “I’d like that.”

______________________________________________________________

taglist friends!

@paper-n-ashes @glassbxttless @mariesackler @leatherboundbirate @millenialcatlady @jynzandtonic @peachyproserpina

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 12

A/N - Finally an update!! i promise to not leave it as long for the next part.

Please like/comment/reblog, it gives me incentive to write quicker if i know people are actually enjoying my madness 💕

"You okay?" Chris asked suddenly making me jump, i thought he was asleep! He was currently wrapped around me acting as the big spoon.

"Jesus christ! You scared the crap outta me!" I chuckled quietly feeling stupid that he made me jump so bad.

"Sorry dahlin" he chuckled close to my ear "but are you okay?".

"Yeah just can't sleep, I've got so much going through my head i can't switch off"

"Its not because you're in here with me is it?"

"No of course not, this is actually just what i needed. I've missed laying in your arms...." I had caved and agreed to stay in Chris's room tonight, no funny business just sleeping. I felt Chris smile before pressing a kiss to my neck.

"I've missed this too. So what exactly is it keeping you awake beautiful? Talk to me..."

"Honestly? The whole thing with Brian.... how did he find me here??".

"I have no idea, but its very creepy!.... then again we shouldn't really be surprised, he had a habit of always knowing where you were. I got bad vibes off that guy the second i saw him".

We had called the police to report Brian but they couldn't do much about it as he technically hadn't done anything wrong, they said to call them again if we saw him around anymore.

"I don't understand why he's doing this! Its not like i led him on or anything, I've never shown that man any interest. I barely even talk to the guy!"

"He's clearly unstable"

"It scares me Chris...."

"Hey, i won't let him hurt you.... i already warned him to stay away...." Chris said through gritted teeth.

"What?...."

"It doesn't matter...."

I turned in his arms so i was now facing him "yes it does, what do you mean you warned him to stay away?"

"The day Scott and I came to get you and Mason to bring you here, you remember how he kept going on about where you were going and when you were coming back....then he asked you to dinner?"

"Oh yeah, you kinda snapped"

"Yeah.....I told him nicely to stay away from my family, that you were unavailable and uninterested.... that he should move on. I said if i found out he was harassing you still id make his life hell" he looked a little sheepish as he confessed to what had been said between the two of them.

"Well I'm guessing he didn't like to be told to stay away huh?"

"Apparently not. But lets not worry about  him right now, you need to sleep"

"Ive been trying...."

"Come here" Chris said and rolled onto his back pulling me close until i was laying with my head on his chest, his hand stroking up and down my back. Back strokes were my weakness and he knew it! "You'll be asleep in no time" he mumbled pressing a kiss to the top of my head. And he was right, with the steady thumping of his heart and his fingers stroking my back i was a goner.

I woke up alone, the bed already cold meaning Chris had been gone for a while. I reached for my phone on the bedside cabinet, it was nearly 10am!! I quickly got up and headed to the bathroom to pee and check how bad i looked. Once i was done i headed downstairs to find Chris, Mason and Scott.

"Hey" Chris smiled at me as i entered the kitchen, he was sat at the dining room table in front of his laptop.

"Hey, why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked too peaceful, besides you didn't get to sleep til late"

I nodded walking over to kiss him "thank you" i smiled running my hand over his bearded jaw "you're the best".

Chris pulled me down into his lap and deepened the kiss until i had to pull back enough to catch my breath and we both laughed.

"Where's Mason?"

"Walking Dodger with Scott, i gave him breakfast and helped him get dressed before they left"

"He wasn't any trouble was he?"

"Not at all. He's like the best behaved kid I've ever met"

"He has his moments don't be fooled" i chuckled thinking back to some tantrums id witnessed over the years.

"I don't believe you, that kid is an angel"

"You just wait and see Evans" i laughed before getting up and walking into the kitchen so i could get a coffee and some toast.

"So um, I've got to do an online interview tonight with Jimmy Fallon" Chris followed me into the kitchen.

"Okay" i nodded.

"I just thought id let you know i'll have to disappear for a while"

"Thats fine, Mason will probably be in bed by then and i'll just stay in the living room watching a movie with Scott"

"Now i feel left out" he pouted.

Later that day we all went outback and played some Wiffle Ball to pass the time, Chris and Scott getting competitive again.

"Mom I'm tired" Mason said wrapping his arms around my waist and cuddling up against me.

"You wanna go take a nap before dinner buddy?"

"Yeah"

"Come on then" i picked him up and he rested his head on my shoulder "guys Mason needs a nap, i think you've worn him out"

"I think i need a nap too!" Scott laughed.

"Well I'm gonna make a start on dinner, you have time for a nap if you wanna"

Walking back up to the house i started struggling with Mason, he was getting too big for me to carry around now! My baby was growing up too fast!

"You want me to take him?" Chris suddenly asked, i nodded and come to a stop before passing a sleeping Mason over to Chris.

"Thanks, he's getting heavy" i said sadly.

"No problem"

"I hate that he's getting too big for me to carry him when he's tired"

"I know but its okay, I'm here to help now"

"Who's gonna carry me? Im exhausted!" Scott added making us laugh quietly so we didn't wake Mason.

The evening flew by, we all had dinner then sat and watched Toy Story with Mason. When it came to bedtime Mason insisted that Chris read him a story and of course he couldn't say no. Once he was asleep Chris headed to his office to get ready for his interview while Scott and I headed to the living room to find a movie to watch.

"Sooooo....." Scott said dragging it out to sound scandalous as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"What?"

"What?.... don't you what me Missy! I know you spent the night with Chris! So come on spill the tea sister!"

"You're ridiculous you know that?" I rolled my eyes at him and laughed at how comical he looked right now.

"Like i care" he shrugged "come on! Tell me what happened"

"Sorry to disappoint but nothing happened we just slept"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, we're taking things slow"

"And who's decision was that?"

"We both said we don't wanna rush it"

"But you suggested it right?..... hey I'm not judging you for that" he quickly added when he saw me look away sadly.

"You're scared you're gonna get hurt again aren't you?"

"Wouldn't you be? I just wanna make sure we're gonna be okay, that its more than just sex. We were always good at that, the emotional stuff.... not so much"

We were halfway through the movie when Chris rushed in asking Scott to join him for a game that Jimmy Fallon wanted them to do.

"Really? I can't just leave Y/N on her own....."

"Go i'll be fine" i chuckled.

"Sorry dahlin, i hate leaving you on your own.... we wont be long though 15/20 minutes tops.

"Go do what you gotta do, I'm fine here watching this" i nodded to the TV.

While they were off doing the interview

I texted my mom and Hannah to check in, they were doing good all things considered. I quickly settled back in to watch the rest of the movie but was interrupted again by multiple message alerts on my phone. I looked to see it was Hannah blowing up my phone.

When i opened the thread i gasped, my heart was racing so fast.... i felt sick as my eyes landed on one thing in particular....... the headline!

"CHRIS EVANS HAS A SECRET FAMILY!"

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @fairlightswiftly @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina

@mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave @jakiki94 @torntaltos @my-dearest-agent @ms-betsy-fangirl

If your name is crossed out i couldnt tag you.

[lemongogo]

I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY ABT KNY,, the gotouge handled the relationships and tied them in will with character introspection is so,, melancholic ??? idk how to describe it but smtimes the story feels like a dream sequence and it hits right in ur heart,,, yknow when yuuichiro was like the mu in muichiro is the in in infintiy,, i laid down and cried lmao but anywyas PLEASE continue to share ur thoughts as u re read its really nice to see that im not the only one going crazy over this..

ok hi sry this was the msg where i i had so much written and stuff but by now ive forgotten like 90% of the shit i just talked abt and the thought of typing it out again makes me sad so i think im just gna paraphrase it the best i can im so sry 😭😭

but YEAH.. no exactly , melancholy is suchhh a good descriptor of how the manga feels. that and saudade , for how its almost like . ig nostalgic isnt exactly the right word to use, but bittersweet, maybe, about things u Wish you knew more about / had more time to interact with.

gotouge does such a great job of evoking emotion w their work imo. while single lines & panels collectively amount to big themes and such, i feel like they maintain a lot of influence on their own. lots of these scenes work well as standalone pieces , no matter how small or simple, and its so special to me :-) !!

&& im so happy u brought up muichirou's story bec omfg yeah tht was so sad i cried my eyes outAHAHA. that or genya's "shinazu means immortality" line .wtf......withers away.god . its soo good . but YEAH W MUICHIROU, i feel like his arc perfectly encapsulates how well gotouge utilizes emotion and threads these stories together, bit by bit.

THISS sequence is soo good bc i like how tanjirou's compassion is what kickstarts muichirou's backstory. and while thats a common theme for most of the characters, it's always unique in how it affects them/progresses the story. especially in this instance, where tanjirou's encouragement manifests from suppressed memories of mui's father

like omg . i love the eerie stillness of this page . how the dialogue is obviously referencing some (at the time, unknown) memory, and how that disbelief is visually represented by the way he's suspended in the water. everything slows down around this moment, it's so pretty. so calm and quiet as mui cycles through his final thoughts. i like how his mist breathing ties into his amnesia and how its imagery is specific to these moments (as w the pic below)

what rly stands out though is that . through all of this, muichirou admonishes his own weakness and sees it as a detriment or character flaw. something to be avoided. but its weakness, kotetsu's weakness specifically, that saves him in the end

its so small and so like. normal in comparison to the hashira's breath techniques, that its simplicity gives it power.

this panel ^ is one of my favs for that exact reason. its soo.. soo!!!!!!! oifdjjgd i love it so much. like i love how it ties back into kny's theme of like . finding strength in weakness. kotetsu is just a normal character all things considered but its through his willpower that muichirou survived; he didn't need any special technique or trick up his sleeve. it all goes back to what rengoku says abt the quality of human nature

or the conversations tanjirou shares with genya

i admire it soo much i love that kny operates on these emotions, and even more so the ones that are typically considered as "less than ideal". love and kindness are motivational, but they're not exclusive. anger, grief, weakness, etc. all have the immense power to bring people together and they hold with them important qualities of their own.

it just flows so well. i like how the same few panels can lead into many different trains of thought. for i see this and i think about rengoku and the principles he shared. i think about genya, kagaya, muichirou, nezuko, etc. i think about how intertwined all of these stories are. how tanjirou represented the person mui's father was, who muichirou wanted to be, and ultimately tried to become

and i like how they culminate in later parts of the story, especially ch.204

AHH idk i think sometimes i look too deep into it / assign meaning where perhaps there is none but. its not something i really get from other series, so im happy gotouge fills that specific niche. for u and i at least !! and thank u for listening to me as i go through it all again AAA it makes me so excited to talk about in detail, and its even nicer knowing u feel the same way about all of it. im rly happy you liked it and i hope u enjoy the rest of the seasons as they roll out 🥺️

[starlight-writes-stuff]

camping hc’s w/ the feral boys <3

AYO LOOK AT THESE : implied smut if u look hard enough , but really just some cute , fluffy feral boys content lol . these ended up being really fun to write so let me know if u have any other ideas for more hc’s !! ily , starlight ☁

reblogs are always appreciated !!! <3

all as a group - 

god help us all this would be a MESS

you guys would get one of those massive tents that have separate rooms for everyone

s’mores are a guarantee

alex and clay would light their marshmallows on fire

and chase each other around with them

karl is FOCUSED on getting the perfect golden roast

sapnap keeps nudging him to mess the marshmallow up

george literally has his marshmallow in the fire for .2 seconds

clay would give him so much shit for it and the two of them would “argue”

but george would end up breaking his smore in half for clay

and feeding it to him most likely 

alex would bring his guitar and play it while everyone sat around the fire

sapnap would definitely start singing ‘campfire song’ from spongebob

everyone would pick up

and dissolve into laughter

clay would be the first to bring up telling scary stories

you’d be scared as shit from the words he was crafting

youd sandwich yourself between karl and alex

alex would poke your waist , jumpscaring you

and you’d pout saying you’re going to bed

youd walk into the tent

they would all C O M P L A I N but eventually join you

at least one of them pees on the fire “to make sure its completely out”

george would ‘knock’ on the tent to see if you were dressed

because they’re respectful , your honor

everyone would meet in the main part of the tent with sleeping bags and pillows and blankets

completley abandoning all the separate rooms

you’d all take turns talking about nothing at all really

making stupid jokes

if you fell asleep first , clay and george would make everyone whisper

you need your beauty sleep

they’d all fade pretty fast after that

but karl would wake everyone to watch the sunrise together

dream -

would have the top of the line camping equipment

even if it was for like

a two day trip

he’d go to an outdoor store and come home with an entire car full of camping shit

a portable grill

a blowup mattress

the nicest two person tent money could buy

the full nine yards

would put you in charge of planning meals

which is probably a good idea

has had the campsite booked for months

somewhere by a lake

“clay , we literally live by the ocean”

“it’s not the same , baby”

he’s right , its not

would take a mini road trip to get there

he’d make sure to stop at all the tourist traps along the way

you two would end up with a bunch of fruit from a roadside stand

once you finally got there

the tent would essentially pitch itself

he’d do the car salesman slap on the nylon

“best tent money can buy”

you’d probably take a nap , tired from the drive

by the time clay shook you awake the sun was setting

so he'd fire up his little camping grill

pls he’d geek out so hard over it

you’d be awake from the nap

so clay would light a lantern and the two of you would just 

wander around the campsite holding hands

you two would absolutely go swimming at midnight

clay would pick you up in the water 

and have you wrap your legs around him like a koala

he’d pepper your face with kisses

then dunk you under the water

once you two got out you’d get in pajamas

and clay wouldn’t be able to inflate the air mattress

he forgot the pump

but you brought sleeping bags just incase

you two would fall asleep as close as two people in sleeping bags possibly could

sapnap -

would insist on being the manliest man

like would collect firewood and everything

he’d show off the axe he brought

then would chop the wood

he's gloating smh

and would get 125670 % more overprotective when you wanted to try

would stand behind you and show you how to swing

would guide your arms and everything

but would stand like

10 feet away

when you went to actually swing

spooked by how hard you chopped

but also proud ???

would build a fire as it got dark

and tell you how pretty you looked in the light from the flames

he’d be pretty old school w camping food

would stab a poker through hotdogs

he’d help you roast yours , rotating it so it cooked even

would forget the buns and condiments

“i thought we had everything!”

the two of you would die of laughter

just eating ur hotdogs

off of the pokers

however

would remember a stash of candy and snacks

so you end up eating those too

nick would have the tent up in less than five minutes

“fastest tent pitcher on this side of the mississip” 😎

would bring it up 13790 times

he would find a way to zip your sleeping bags up together so it's one big franken-bag

he’s so warm

keeps you toasty

George -

camping was most likely your idea

but gogs is all for it

gets really excited and buys a two person sleeping bag

“so we can still cuddle”

you’d bring all your camping equipment so you had a pad to sleep on

“sleeping on the ground hurts , baby”

“isn't that the whole point ?”

would have his hand on your thigh as he drove to the campsite

and would play loud music the whole way there

with all the windows down

you two would set up camp while it was still light

both struggling™

to get the tent up

it would take y’all like an hour

and both of you would be all sweaty after wrestling with it

so george would change into swimming trunks and wait on you to put on a bathing suit

then he would piggyback you to the lake

running straight into the cold water while you scREAMED

you’d smack him so he’d let you down

then you’d splash him

a splash war would ensue

george would grab your hands , threading them through his

“be nice to me >:,(“

you’d get all soft and wrap your arms around him

the two of you would swim for h o u r s

until someone got hungry

you’d show gogs how to make a campfire

he’d knock over your demonstration

“i want to try”

would nail it on the first shot

you'd be baffled but entirely impressed

after dinner he would show off the oversized sleeping bag

you two would get in together , legs tangled

would probably download movies on his phone beforehand for you guys to watch

he’d fall asleep first , lulled to bed by the sounds of outside

Karl -

loves camping so much

just loves outside in general

would already have a bunch of gear

but would insist on finding a way for you two to be able to sleep together

we all know this boys love language is touch

even in his sleep he needs some sort of skin to skin contact

would buy a camping bed

i feel like karl would want to make “real camping food”

so he’d do hotdogs

and those foil packet thingies with potatoes and corn

he’d show you how to seal they foil and bury it in the coals properly

would scrunch his nose at you while you messed the wrapping up on purpose

“let me do it for you , baby”

would proceed to do it for you

he’d take 100000000000 pictures of you 

in the sunset lighting

the campfire lighting

the moon lighting

because he cant help how beautiful you look

would feed you bites of vegetable in between your hot dog

“are you staying hydrated?”

brought juice boxes , too

he’d set up a place for you guys to stargaze

and would point out all the constellations

yall would make up your own too , giving them full backstories

he’d slow dance with you under the moon until it got too cold to be outside

the two of you would … take advantage of the camping bed

crossing ‘outside’ off the bucket list 😌

by day 3 he was tired of his traditional camping food

would beg you for some of your snacks

you’d feed him oreos and fruit snacks while you guys hiked

Quackity -

was not down™

at first

but once he saw how excited you were 

he would be all in

would go to a camping store with you and pick out equipment

alex would insist on getting the stereotypical camping cookware

“we have to !!!”

“no we dont???”

“yes we do 😤”

would refuse to sleep on the ground

buys one of those camping pad things

would buy a two person sleeping bag as well

“if im doing this im at LEAST sleeping next to you”

you’d beg him to bring his guitar and play it at the campfire

he’d sing you soft songs while you toasted marshmallows

and you’d feed him s’mores

but you two would end up just eating the chocolate bars instead

he’d bring some sort of card game

and you two would get way too competitive

probaby uno

you’d be screaming at each other at like 1 am

“yOU DIDN’T SAY UNO”

would get a noise complaint

but alex does not care

not one bit

would make a joke about you screaming his name instead

ends up loving falling asleep to the sounds of nature

somehow finds his way into being little spoon

you two fall asleep holding each other

and wake up a tangled mess

begs you to stay another night

because he actually likes being away from it all

and getting uninterrupted one-on-one time with his girl

next time you guys get a free weekend , he’s the one who suggests camping

because he loved it so much