#and i keep worrying about being able to enjoy my life despite not being whole enough to do so

[sunboki]

if i'm being completely honest, i nearly sobbed when you asked to hold me too. i had forgotten that holding someone would mean they could hold you too. and my heart broke reading your tags. it really did. "it feels like being hugged except you don't have to worry about letting go." if i had the option to, august, i would hold you forever (or, at the very least, for as long as you would like me to). so unless you want me to, i won't ever let go first.

i'm sorry that my first ask made you cry. (what i would give to have wiped them away from your cheeks myself.) you probably weren't expecting something so serious in your inbox today, and for that i apologize as well. i made you confront things at an uncomfortable time, didn't i? so i hope to make it up to you with you in my arms, and i'll hum to you a soft little song in your ear until you feel like the world runs a little more on your time than it is running without you. i'll even stroke my thumbs across the back of your hands and give them a little squeeze just to ground you here so that maybe (just maybe) you might all be here, every piece of you.

and maybe we can slow dance too. i'll spin you around while we're barefoot, and we'll sway to any song you like (or maybe just silence if that's what you prefer). and you said that you can't write what you feel, so i assume speaking must be harder. and if that's the case, you don't have to speak at all. silence, sometimes, is the loudest cry you can give. and i will cry with you. our hands would still be holding each other, and i'll make sure you feel it in your soul to know that silence is all right as well, darling.

and all of this might sound like i'm a little too soft for you, a little too smitten, and who is to say that i'm not? august, when i sent you that song, that was my favorite song. and that is to say that you are my favorite song. you are my favorite person. and if your answer to my last ask was you baring your heart for me (think not of how short your reply was but rather how raw), why wouldn't i do the same for you, love? so forgive me for my long confession to you. this is my heart.

with adoration for all that you are,

🍋 anon

(lemon to remind you that, when life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade, and wouldn't that be sweet, to enjoy it together?)

we all need hugs sometimes, right?

and don’t fret mentioning something at the wrong time or making me uncomfortable — your intentions are pure and that’s all that matters in this moment ( you’re making me realize things, that’s a start )

if anything it’s almost like we were lovers in our past lives, where we would slow dance together and perhaps bake things as well, i can teach you. and that lemonade you mentioned? a picnic would be the perfect place to enjoy it.

[ponderingmoonlight]

Yoriichi saving you just in time from getting killed by a demon

Pairing: Yoriichi x midwife!reader

Word Count: 4k

Synopsis: Your job takes you to the poor Kamado family, who are expecting their first child. But instead of a joyful birth, you are greeted by the cruel claws of a demon. What luck that an extraordinary swordsman shows up on this fateful evening.

Warnings: near death, injury, child birth, I'm not a midwife mystelf so this part isn't that detailed, lots of angst but comfort, this is my first demon slayer fic EVER so please show some support, I really appreciate it 🤍 (added 2 additional pics into the fanfic because I'm so amazed by the insane quality of these ai pics)

Tags: @froufrousnowman

„Excuse my rude interruption, but is this the Kamado residence?”

You are exhausted, sweat dripping from your forehead on this warm summer day, the sun shining down on you with all its strength. But you were called here, so you came. After all, this is your job. As a midwife by heart, you fear no weather when it comes to aid another woman by delivering her child.

“Yes, I am Sumiyoshi Kamado. Are you the midwife we were calling for?”

The man in front of you smiles at you kindly. You can tell by one look into his inviting eyes that he’ll be an amazing father. But before that, you have some work to do.

“That’s right, my name is (y/n). May I see your wife?”, you ask kindly, taking off the package of tools you were carrying on your back.

“She’s sleeping at the moment, but please allow me to lead you inside. Would you like to eat or drink something? I just cooked dinner!”

The excitement dripping from his voice really warms your heart. In times like these, gifting a child into the world seems like a burden, like an impossible task. It was in no way granted that an expected child was in any way welcomed. You’ve seen it all, the horrible things father and mother would do to prevent the new life from existing, how fate itself decided to stretch its hands out and take the child away from this earth way too soon. You’ve seen tears of joy, tears of grief, tears of despair. But oh, just one loving look of fresh mother and father into their babies’ tiny face is enough to make it all worth it for you.

“How did your wife feel within the last days? Did she complain about pain, especially in her back? Bleeding? Did she have to defecate more often than usual?”

Carefully, you place your tools onto a white cloth and disinfect your hands with strong alcohol when entering the room.

“She looks very peaceful, that’s great”, you hush.

What a beautiful woman she is, laying on her side with her hands covering her belly even while she sleeps safe and sound. Instinctively you kneel down next to her, gently caressing her cheek.

“This is your first child, isn’t it?”

“Yes. And I am beyond grateful you decided to help her even though we aren’t able to pay you decently. I wish I could give you more-“

“Please, don’t worry about it. I really enjoy being here. And if it helps your wife, no coins in the world are a better reward”, you interrupt with soft voice, looking down at her one last time before getting up and silently leaving the room along with her husband.

Your eyes dart towards the small window. How lovely the sunset looks today. Is it already this late? You must have been traveling for quite some time. As if on cue, your stomach begins to rumble. Well, maybe a cup of tea and something warm to eat would be a blessing right now.

“I am a little nervous. After all, I know nothing about the birth of children and how to care for them afterwards. But I love my wife so dearly, imagining a little child with her eyes truly makes me feel whole. Do you have any children yourself?”

What a kind man he is, sitting opposite to you with a cup of tea in his hand and his eyes glistening in the down-going sun. Despite the cruelness of the world, the tales of demons hunting down humans with what seems like no aim, all the bitterness and tears, this man was able to keep his warm smile and optimism.

“No. While I do adore children, I am not married. It’s hard to find a man willing to marry a midwife”, you explain briefly.

There is no sense in denying the fact that you are of low birth, a self-taught midwife since no man was willing to teach you. And in a world full of gorgeous young girls with skin like porcelain and kimono’s worth more than your housing, you will never catch the attention of a male. But somehow, you’ve found your inner peace with that. After all, helping other woman to finally receive their own little family fills you with enough joy to overlook that you’ll never have a man or a chid by your side yourself.

Confident knocks against the wooden door rip you out of your conversation.

“Are you awaiting someone?” you question.

Within the village you live in, it is told over and over to not leave the house after sunset. And while you don’t consider yourself superstitious, not going out when it’s all dark always seemed plausible enough for you. But now, the sun almost set, the trees around you barely lighten by the weak beam.

“No, but maybe it is someone who needs help.”

You get up from the ground, mindlessly holding onto the cloak in your hands tightly while holding your breath. It might be someone in the need of help. But out here in the woods, who knows…Shivers run down your spine, eyes staring at the door filled with curiosity.

The sight in front of you isn’t one of a robber, an old lady in distress or a demon though. Your orbs widen slightly. No, this is a man. And what a man he is.

The way he carries himself with so much peace and elegance. He looks…majestic. His fuchsia eyes lay upon your host. And even though you don’t understand from afar what they are talking about, you can tell that his firm but calm voice could tame entire oceans. What a remarkable perfect face he has, the only interruption being a scar covering his forehead. So elegantly clothed with a katana attached to his belt? You draw a little closer, take in his sight a little clearer. He looks like one of the men you’ve seen before in your village right after a whole family was brutally killed during night. He was armoured with a katana too. Could it be?

“Are you a demon slayer?”

You want to curse yourself for speaking to him so ruthlessly, for interrupting their conversation so harshly. But you’ve got so lost in his sight that it seems your mouth opened itself.

“Indeed. This is a riskful area. Keep your doors and windows locked during night time and do not leave your wife unattended. Please don’t roam around the house on your own and stay with your husband”, he instructs towards both of you.

Why does he look at you while calling you “wife”? You blink a few times when realization slowly but surely hits you. Oh. Your face reddens instantly, eyes snapping towards your host in pure shock.

“Oh, you misunderstood! She isn’t my wife, but the midwife that will help my wife delivering our firstborn. She’s sleeping at the moment”, he explains calmly while smiling at you.

The stranger’s eyes lock with yours, you can’t help but hold your breath. From all the men you’ve seen come and go in your lifetime, he definitely is the most captivating one. Is it because of his flawless appearance, because he carries himself with so much elegance? Or is it the calmness that radiates from his voice, the power you’re able to sense on him? Maybe nothing, maybe both.

“That is very kind for you. I will stay in this area tonight, but please look after yourself”, the stranger continues, glancing at you one last time before turning around and heading back into the woods.

“Thank you!”

“What an interesting man!”, your host comments towards you, closing and locking the door like he was told you.

“Do you believe in demons?”, you question.

His eyes darts towards you, the positive spark in them gone for the split of a second.

“I’ve witnessed a lot of deaths that happened during the night, terrible massacres with no one surviving. I am firmly convinced that a human being could never to something like that.”

“Humans can be cruel too”, you argue, pictures of all the horrible things you’ve seen within the years you’ve been working as a midwife flooding your mind.

Sometimes you can’t help but wonder who the real monsters in this world are. The demons, the wild animals? Or humans who pretend to be on top of the world, who tear down everything and everyone when they feel like it?

“That is correct. But we are trying our best, right? And that is all that matters for me.”

“It’s getting late, I should look after your wife. Is it alright if I rest with her for today?” you mumble, fingers fumbling with the white cloak to distract your mind from the stranger, from his words, from this whole conversation.

“Of course! I will prepare everything!”

You sign to yourself, gaze glued onto the woman laying in front you sleeping peacefully. Everything will turn good, right?

-at night-

Your eyes shoot open immediately, roaming around the dark room. There they lay, bodies intertwined with each other while being fast asleep. What was that fade away rustle you’ve heard, then? As quietly as possible you lift yourself off the futon Kamado-san prepared for you, naked feet greeted by the cold of the wooden floor underneath. Maybe you just dreamed it. Or is an animal outside? Given the fact that you are located in the middle of a forest, this wouldn’t be a surprise. You furrow your eyebrows, a fade away cracking from outside catching your attention all over again. No, something is off, you can sense it by the way your guts turn.

Instinctively, your hands grab the knife with which Kamado-san prepared your food just a few hours ago. You are by no means an experienced fighter, you have been skilfully avoiding situations like this your entire life. But waking up both of them over nothing would be ridiculous. Just a little glimpse outside the door, just to check on what’s probably a deer. Your heart hammers against your ribcage, palms sweaty in response.

With your free hand, you grasp the handle of the door. Breathe in, breathe out. Tame your pounding heart, get a hold of yourself. With a swift motion, you swing it open.

And get greeted by a pair of venomous red eyes.

There is no time to react any further. Not too late you are able to escape his grasp, naked feet carrying you further inside the forest.

“A demon! There’s a demon outside! Get into safety! A demon!” you scream on top of your lungs.

Please, let Kamado-san hear your desperate cries, let him drag his wife into safety. The disturbing tall and crippled figure of the demon draws closer to the house, closer to the soon to be family.

You don’t know what has gotten into you. Sympathy, a protective instinct? Whatever it is forces you backwards, right into the claws of the demon.

“I can’t allow you to harm a single soul in this house”, you hiss through gritted teeth, holding onto the knife in your hands for dear life.

How is it even possible to kill a demon? Do you even stand a chance against it? It doesn’t matter now. You slash forward with a cry of determination, aiming for its carotid artery. The cut doesn’t have to be deep if you hit him with enough precision, your muscle strength should be enough.

But before you are even able to come close to his body, his claw slices open your right arms with ease. Your eyes widen in pure horror, body unable to move even an inch. It moved so fast you weren’t even able to see its hand moving, sliced you open so effortlessly while you’re gasping for air like a fish on land.

Your body falls to the ground, the demon positioning itself on top of you. No, you won’t let it end like this. After all, you still have plenty of work to do, Kamado-san’s wife didn’t deliver her child yet. With full force you push your arms against it, trying to keep your keep your face out of its gaping mouth.

With one push you free your arm, yanking the knife into its eye. Now or never. While its loud groans fill the air with fright, you get off the ground, run deeper into the forest, desperately try to stay alive. You can’t die like this. Not you, not Kamado-san, not his wife, not their unborn baby.

But the demon is right on your tracks, hunting you down the dark forest without any mercy.

“Ouch.”

 A moment of inattention is enough for you to stumble over a thick branch, knees meeting the floor harshly. Is this your end? All you can do is stare up, glossy eyes widen in the dim moonlight with a tiny trail of its blood on your face. Hopefully the demon slayer from last evening will return soon enough to at least safe Kamado-san and his family. If not you, at least they need to survive.

There you kneel, face gone emotionless, orbs directed towards the frightening creature that lunges towards you. One hit. One hit of its claws will be enough to behead you. One second and your life will be nothing more than a fade away whisper in the darkness, ended way too soon just like so many others. You never thought it would be you, that of all the people you’d get killed by a demon slayer. After all, you were always so skilled in avoiding trouble, never allowing yourself to get into danger.

But oh, now you are. And it will cost you your young life.

Yoriichi can’t catch his breath, feet carrying him so rapidly to the scene laying itself out in front of him that the trees around him merge. He told you to stay inside, to keep windows and doors shut. Why are you outside? Where are the man and his wife? Please, let it not be too late, let him be able so safe those people.

Finally. With a determined slash of his blade, the demon in from of him gets beheaded, its ashes raining down onto the ground. You look…uninjured. Frightened, in pure shock, but uninjured. And unbelievably lovely with the dim moonlight highlighting the delicate features of your face.

“Are you alright?” he questions softly, slowly approaching you and stretching out his hand.

Carefully he lifts your trembling limbs off the ground, your hand holding onto his for what seems like dear life while your sharp and heavy breaths hang in the cool air.

“Yes”, you finally breathe out.

“Are the other two alright? Did someone get hurt?”

“There are inside. It was only this one. I lured him away”, you huff.

 Yoriichi swore himself to never get close to another human being again, to fulfil his duty in silence. But you…Did you really risk your life for a family you didn’t even know until yesterday? Did you run into the woods so selflessly to distract the demon? What a brave woman you are, truly remarkable.

“I was hoping for you to return”, you add.

His warm hand feels almost therapeutic against yours, calming down your tingling nerves and beating heart. You survived. Is this really possible? While kneeling down and staring right into the face of that frightful demon, you already accepted your fate. But that he’ll show up like a knight in shining armour, saving you just before getting beheaded…It seems like a miracle to you.

“I came here as fast as I could. This area was full of these creatures”, he explains briefly, fuchsia eyes resting on you.

“(y/n)!”

A thick stone falls from your heart. It’s him.

“Kamado-san, is your wife alright? Are you alright?” you blabber, the man sprinting towards you as if his life depends on it.

“You saved us. Even though you don’t even know me and my wife, you risked your own life to save ours. And you…You really came. I’m beyond thankful.”

He falls to his knees, leaving you completely speechless.

“She really was outstanding brave. Normally the sight of a demon alone is enough for most humans to lose their minds. You are exceptional, (y/n).”

It sounds so strange, hearing your name out of this charismatic stranger’s mouth. But the way his eyes lock with yours sends shivers down your spine, makes your heart pound against your ribcage all over again.

“What is your name?”

“Yoriichi Tsugikuni.”

Yoriichi. What an exceptional name that matches his majestic appearance perfectly. It seems so easy to get lost in his eyes, to study every inch of his face. And his smell…

“I don’t mean to interrupt your conversation, but I think my wife will deliver her child soon.”

Your eyes dart towards Kamado-san immediately.

“Why are you saying so?”

“Since she woke up from your screams, she seems to have contractions.”

You don’t think twice. As fast as your feet are able to carry you, you sprint back into the house, back to the reason why you originally came here.

-the next morning-

“Sleep well. You deserve it”, you whisper into the woman’s ear gently, wrapping her up inside a blanket before leaving the room discretely.

The birth went smooth and faster than you expected for a first born. Not long after you arrived by her side, she delivered the baby with tears of joy running down her face, her husband telling her over and over how much he loves her. It was bittersweet, seeing in front of your very own eyes what you’ll never have. Just after encountering him, just after those strange feeling that he triggered in you.

“I’m glad to see you are alright.”

You stop in your tracks, staring at the back of him in disbelief. There he sits, facing the sun while his broad shoulders catch your attention all over again.

“I’ll make some tea”, Kamado-san discretely announces before hushing into the house.

“I am in no way responsible for the miracle that happened tonight. That was you and Kamado-san’s wife”, you explain briefly, sitting down next to him.

The sun caresses your skin gently. You never thought its hot beams would calm your nerves before the incident of this night. You smile at the little bundle of joy Yoriichi is holding in his arms. Oh, how well it suits him. Someone like him must be a good father.

“I’ll be leaving after I had a cup of tea. It wouldn’t be right to keep eating for free here”, he announces all of the sudden.

“Don’t say that.”

Out of instinct, you place on hand on his firm shoulder and wrap the other around his strong biceps.

“You saved our lives tonight. It if hadn’t be for you, not only would we be dead, but this child you’re holding in your arms wouldn’t be born, either.”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Your eyes freeze, unable to tear away from his beautiful sight. Why does he make you feel this way? What is it that makes this stranger so special? Is it his sword skill, his ability to fight? No. In fact, you couldn’t care less about that. It’s the way he carries himself, the elegance within every step he takes. It’s the fact that he sacrifices himself for others.

Just like you do.

“Like what?” you hush.

“As if I am some kind of special person. I don’t deserve the affection you hold in your gaze.”

“You deserve every spark of affection for your being”, you argue.

“You’re wrong about that. I failed to protect anything that was important to me. And throughout my life, I was unable to do what I was supposed to do. I am worthless.”

“How could you even say something like that? How could you talk about yourself so negatively after saving four lives this night?”

“Because of the countless lives I failed to protect.”

“So what? Does it make be a bad midwife that I wasn’t able to save every single child? The losses are tragic and never forgotten, but as long as we are doing our very best, there is nothing to regret. Tonight, you were able to save a young family. You should be proud of yourself instead of talking you down.”

He stands up, handing you the new-born carefully before grabbing his sword.

“Are you about to leave?” Kamado-san questions from afar, storming outside with tea in his hands.

You thoughtlessly hand him is son, eyes directed towards the charismatic man in front of you.

“I have to leave now. Thank you for your hospitality.”

“Wait!” you shout all of the sudden.

You don’t know what has gotten into you, but there you are, running after him and grabbing his hand just like you did this fateful night.

“Will I ever see you again?”

For a moment, time seems to stand still. He can’t believe his ears, usual tame heart almost beating out of his chest. When was the last time a woman ran after him, the last time a female even looked his way? He can’t remember. But especially you…Why would a woman like you be interested in a broken man like him? What do you see in him?

“Why would you want that?”

“I can’t tell. I just know I have to see you again”, you reply automatically.

The air between both of you seems thick enough to get cut by his knife, your eyes almost piercing through the back of his head. Please, just say something. Just move, turn around, smile. Just do anything besides standing still. Never in your life did you even think about the possibility to get to know a man better. Why him? Why a man you didn’t even know before last evening? Why someone who seems so unapproachable?

“You will see me again.”

And with that, he’s gone in the wind, leaving you with your feelings all over the place.

-a few months later-

“I almost thought you wouldn’t come”, you comment, resting your head against the cool grass.

The weather changed. As soon as the evening arrives, it’s getting way too cold outside to stay for long. But when he’s here, none of that seems to matter.

“You know I always do. How was your day?”

He lays down next to you, closing his eyes for a brief moment while you position your head on his shoulder. Oh, how much you loved these innocent little meetings. After you returned to your little village, Yoriichi found you wherever you went. Always keeping an eye open for you, staying longer from meeting to meeting. Until you randomly laid down in the grass the whole evening, talking about your life and eventually, got even closer. Innocent touching, him drawing circles on your back while you rest your head against his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat.

“The baby I delivered today, they were actually twins. Two healthy girls, the father almost fell unconscious when he found out.”

Your cute little giggle lights up the air around him and fills his heart with joy he hasn’t felt in a long time. Being happy seems so easy since he got to know you.

No. It’s far more than simply knowing you. The feelings he holds for you go far deeper than that.

“I love you, (y/n).”

Your heart skips a beat, gaze darting towards him the second those magical words leave his lips. Did you dream that? Are you really resting in the meadow with Yoriichi telling you none other but that he loves you?

How much you longed for this sweet moment, how often you thought about saying those words too. Without hesitation, you press your lips against his.

While the world around you seems to fall apart, at least this is fine. Yes, laying here in Yoriichi’s arms while tenderly kissing him like you’ve always imagined makes everything around you whole again.

“I love you too”, you whisper against his lips.

Who would have thought going to work and almost getting killed by a demon would turn out this nice?

[zenithofstories]

so i've just finished watching all the first episodes, so i wanted to give my thoughts on the first Wild Life session:

-so much fun i love it so much. i'm so glad they're all still having fun and continuing the series, and that Mumbo and Lizzie came back, despite dying early in Secret Life (i was a tiny bit worried they might get a bit dejected and pass on this one). also thrilled Ren is able to play this time; he's a blast

-there is a lot of mistrust going around which is very curious to me. most of it stems from previous seasons and has no bearing on what was happening at the time. Pearl straight up telling Cleo she expected her to betray her; Mumbo and Skizz not trusting Martyn, and then Grian; and then not trusting that Martyn just wanted to use their enchanter; the huge immediate aggression towards Scar when he came out of the mountain into Grian, Skizz and Mumbo's base; Mumbo not trusting Skizz (his teammate!) when he asked for someone to pass him a diamond; Scott, Cleo, Pearl and Impulse assuming Joel stole their cows, probably more i'm forgetting. it's definitely obvious to me that these people have learnt how the games work and learnt from the pain (as we do). i'm very curious to see if the general server mistrust grows, and the impact it has on everyone and the people

-i love JImmy, Big B, Lizzie and Ren forming a dnd party and Ren (in true bardic fashion) has a guitar within reach and is willing to break into song at the first campsite (this honestly might be my favourite moment from all the life series at the moment. the guitar within reach, Ren's beautiful voice, how much the others thought it was great. fantastic vibes all around)

-i really want Scar and Martyn to team up. they are both instantly mistrusted, to the point that both of them (in their first episodes, no less) expressed that if people are going to treat them like a villain, then they may as well act like it. if the two of them team up to take revenge on everyone being mean to them in a new series i think they would be a force to be reckoned with

-Skizz and Mumbo is a fantastic team-up. both very genuine people who are so funny together

-i hope they get the lag fixed, or that it was just from the size-changing mod and they don't have to deal with it for the rest of the series

-Gem and Joel's partnership - in the early days Gem is going to be a fantastic counterbalance for Joel; help keep him calmer and curb his wild ideas. But once Gem gives in to her own urges... oh boy

-does Big B know that he can go caving with people? cause he seemed to be under the impression that he had to get geared out before he could make friends and it would suck if he ended up alone all the time because it hasn't occurred to him that he can go caving with people right at the start

-double life thought: i know most people count Pearl as the winner, but did Scott technically win as well? cause they were the last pair alive, and died in the same tick. it probably doesn't matter at all, but i wonder about it sometimes (especially in how it would affect Martyn's lore but that's not canon)

-i don't think Jimmy has broken the canary curse. i subscribe to the theory that cause Lizzie died in the End, the Watchers weren't able to perceive it and then he was the first to die in the Overworld (i'm not counting Real Life as canon; it happened and i enjoyed it but it wasn't a full series and they were deliberately playing it silly as an april fool's joke. very glad that Cleo won though. hope they get a full series win as well)

-i'm glad that Tango and Skizz (deliberately) didn't team together, but i kinda wish Tango had ended up in a different group. him, Etho and Bdubs are fun, don't get me wrong, but a whole lot of the fun of the series is seeing people interact and work with people they don't usually. Tango and Jimmy was a top tier pairing in Double Life, and Tango is hilarious. i would love to see him branch out more and work with some more people

-there is more than just the wild card. Grian said he wasn't going to explain it, and i didn't notice anything else happening (but i'm also not expecting it to be much until they get to the late game). i think that there will be a wild card that affects the players, and then also something that affects the world? we'll see, i guess

-now that everyone who has played is playing (i'm pretty sure? if i've forgotten someone i'm gonna be sad) who is gonna sub in if needed?

-i love Mumbo's "that was sub-one intelligence mate" when they all fell 🤣

-i'm not sure what the purpose of including the creakings or whatever they're called? nevermind i just looked it up and they're going to be in the game at some point. weird. i'm not sure how i feel about creakings coming to minecraft though

-very glad they've got six lives this time. it will both allow them to not worry so much about mistakes and accidents (as evidenced by Pearl) and encourage them to take risks, which will be fantastic

[blades-edge]

False God | Chapter 1

Chapter Summary: Cooper tries to fill the hole in his heart by drowning himself in you.

Pairing: Pre-War!Cooper Howard x f!escort!reader

Chapter warnings: mentions of depression, angst, joking about cowboys in a sexy way ig??, thigh touching, alcohol consumption, brief allusions to masturbation (m)

Words: 3k

A/N: Welcome to the first chapter of my Cooper fic! I am so excited I was finally able to finish it and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing this <3

dividers by @saradika-graphics

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | AO3 Link

Cooper had grown used to the emptiness of his apartment. It was significantly smaller than his mansion in Los Angeles. He missed his garden and being able to spend hot summer days in the sun, enjoying a drink while he watched Janey play with Roosevelt. 

The divorce wasn’t kind to him. When the entire process had first started, he had been trying to play it cool. Keep his composure, go on with his life as if nothing had happened – but that just didn’t work for him. His job used to be his anchor, but even that was a thing of the past now, considering that barely any studio wanted to affiliate themselves with a Vault-Tec sympathiser. None of them knew what he did after all. He didn’t even want to know what would happen if he brought the things he knew – or at least assumed about Vault-Tec – to the press and therefore to the public. Maybe everyone would call him crazy on top of it all.  

But he couldn’t really risk his own life and more importantly Barb and Janey’s just to maybe have a chance at bringing an evil company down. If anything Barb had told him about the Vaults were true then he hoped that she and Janey would be safe when the bombs will fall. It wasn’t a question of ‘What iff’ for him anymore. He knew it would happen sooner or later. Somehow, he seemed to know it in his bones. And the political situation wasn’t really making him feel more positive about the whole ordeal.

In all the sitcoms and movies, they never seemed to talk about the emptiness one could feel after a divorce. His new apartment seemed empty despite the new furniture. The only beacon of hope he had was Roosevelt, but even the food from his fridge didn’t seem to taste the same. Cooper hadn’t been heartbroken since he finished High School. He never had the time for it and his marriage had eventually been just as he had always dreamed as a child. Barb and him rarely argued. Until it all slowly came to an end. Coop didn’t know how to live on his own anymore. 

He was surviving off a few small gigs at parties, always donning his iconic cowboy outfit. Of course, he wasn’t oblivious to the whispers behind his back. 

‘Look what he has to resort to now..’

‘That is Cooper Howard?’

Cooper tried to shut all their voices out of his head. He had enough to worry about already. Paying his aliments to Barb, paying his rent, trying to stay afloat – somehow. 

If his days were lonely, all of his nights spent alone seemed to be even worse. That’s where he had time to think and he didn’t want to think about everything that was going on around him. His cigarettes and the whiskey stored in his fridge quickly became his best friends during all those lonely nights. But they still didn’t fill the gaping hole he seemed to carry in his chest. Everything felt meaningless. Life was only a combination of small moments anymore. 

All the good moments he had were the days with his daughter, but there was nothing else that could really make Cooper feel happy or fulfilled. 

He craved the feeling of waking up next to a woman again. To feel her kiss him in the morning and to touch her body. This almost reminded him of how he felt as a green teenager, when he had only dreamed about having someone at his side. 

It wasn’t really a surprise to him that his hand didn’t feel the same as a woman’s touch did. Gosh, he even rummaged through a few boxes to pull up old pornographic holo-tapes, but even those didn’t really do it for him anymore. At least now how they used to in the past. 

His next decision was really a manifestation of his desperation. 

Coop stared at the newspaper on his kitchen counter. There were several ads on the page and one of them was able to offer just what he wanted. He took a deep breath, staring at the phone on his wall and then turning his gaze back to the number on the paper. 

His last gig had paid rather well and he thought that calling a sex worker might fill the hole in his chest for just a few hours. A few years ago, he could have never imagined going this far, but… he was lonely – and desperate in a way. Sex would take his mind off things and give him enough of an illusion for one night. More than the whiskey could. 

“It’s worth a try...” He mumbled to himself and then started to type the number into his phone. 

Business had been quiet the last few days. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint why that might be, but you were glad when a call came in eventually. Sex work wasn’t really something society seemed to be proud of, but you knew the numbers of lonely men that called your and other women’s numbers were significantly higher than most people would expect. 

It wasn’t just you working here. Multiple women operated under the “Sweet Nights” brand. You were just a small part in the great scheme of things. 

Your work certainly paid enough for you to entertain a decent, but not overly luxurious life in Los Angeles. Your small apartment was nothing compared to the big mansions up in Beverly Hills. Yet it was enough. 

The red lipstick stood in contrast to your black dress, correcting its straps around your shoulders as soon as Jimmy, the manager of ��Sweet Nights”, informed you of your next client. This would be the first and the last for your day, considering that it had been a pretty quiet week night for everyone. On the weekend, calls were more much frequent and you could sometimes do three clients in one day. 

Every girl here had different prices. You were somewhere in the middle. Most middle-class men were able to book you, but sometimes, a man wanted to take you out for more than just sex for which you were able to demand a higher price. If you were honest, you preferred that to the simple act of offering sex and then leaving again. You certainly didn’t want to turn down a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant which was probably the best part your job had to offer. 

“Is Alan going to drive me?” You asked. Alan was the driver you had worked with the most so far. He was always in a good mood and often enough, he even lifted yours as well. You would share a cigarette or two before or after a client and he’d sometimes even drive you bring some food for you to enjoy after work. Alan was probably your best friend in this business, if you thought about all the people you’ve encountered so far. You got along well with some other women in here as well, but you couldn’t call those intimate friendships. 

Sustaining a relationship was also not an easy task given the nature of your job. So far, you hadn’t really been that lucky to find a man accepting of your situation, but you were of the firm belief that you could never know what was going to happen in the future. 

“I think so. You still have half an hour, so take it slow.” Jimmy was always kind to you as well, but he did have the attitude of a businessman. Nothing made him more happy than seeing the cash flow in and while you were always on time and working hard, you had seen him treat other women differently – especially the ones that weren’t on time and not bringing in a lot of money. 

You had been working at the “Sweet Nights” establishment for multiple years, so you had generated a few regular clients with time. For a man like Jimmy, there was rarely anything better. It meant a steady cash flow and for you, it meant being able to spend time with people you already knew in a way and they usually didn’t make you uncomfortable at all. However, getting attached was strictly forbidden. You didn’t want to breach the border between your professional life and your private one. 

Jimmy took his leave rather quickly then, leaving you to your preparations. You made sure to take your birth control before you were heading out, not wanting to risk forgetting it on accident if you were to stay the night at the client’s. 

Alan was already waiting for you at the door when you made your way to the car. “Hello, beautiful,” he greeted you, placing a small kiss on the back of your hand before he helped you into the passenger seat of the black car. 

Soft jazz music was playing through the radio as you drove to the client’s apartment. It wasn’t too far away from the “Sweet Nights” establishment as you were able to arrive there in under ten minutes. The apartment block in front of you looked simple and it made you quite certain that your client was probably part of the middle class. You had been to fancier homes, but it felt good to be able to ring a bell without going through two security checks on your way inside. 

Alan always took his time to wait until you were safely inside. There had been a few times where a client didn’t open the door and your friend drove you home instead. 

But this wouldn’t be one of those nights. 

When you pushed against the door, it opened for you. You turned around briefly to wave goodbye at your driver, before heading up the stairs to the apartment on the second floor. The sound of your high heels echoed off the beige walls and as you looked up the staircase, you could already see a man waiting by the apartment door. 

You always tried to meet your clients without any specific expectations towards them, but when the man came fully into view, you could feel your heart skip a beat. This wasn’t just any man. This was Cooper Howard. 

Ex-Movie Star and a new favourite topic in every local gossip magazine. You had read about his divorce as it was almost impossible to avoid the matter these days. Additionally, you were pretty sure you had seen just about every movie he had ever starred in. 

“Good evening,” you greeted him, the smile coming to you quite easily as you thought of the fond memories you had from watching his movies. Cooper extended his hand to you almost immediately, shaking it in a gentle manner. “Good evening to you too. Feel free to come inside.” His smile was a polite one as he stepped to the side and let you in. 

His apartment clearly wasn’t anything you expected from America’s most famous cowboy, but you knew times were probably a bit rougher for him now. There were a few paintings along the hallway wall, but the interior was nothing fancy. It wasn’t cheap either, but your job had brought you to many Hollywood mansions before and this apartment didn’t have even the slightest resemblance to any of them. 

Cooper walked past you slowly. After so many years of working as an escort, you could tell that this was his first time. He looked a little lost, shy even. You were not here to judge about it though, you were here to make him feel good. 

“Would you like something to drink? Wine perhaps?” You followed him into the kitchen, watching him as he let his hands restlessly move over the edge of the kitchen island. His face was still displaying the same smile he had greeted you with, but there was clearly a nervousness to his eyes. They were frantically moving from the counter to you and back again. 

“Wine is good. I don’t really have a preference,” you assured him with a smile, leaning against the other side of the counter. He gave you a quick nod before he looked for two wine glasses and searched through a small cupboard to retrieve a new bottle for you both. 

When the two glasses were filled, you leaned forward a little, supporting yourself against the counter as you looked at the man with a smirk. Cooper pushed your glass over to you, pointing at the living room next door then. “How about you… join me on the couch?”

His voice sounded strained and his hold around the glass seemed a little concerning for its fragility, but you didn’t hesitate to give the movie star an approving nod. “I would love to, Mr Howard.”

You could tell he tensed up a little at the mention of his name, so you quietly took note of that. 

“Call me Cooper,” he offered, leading you into the small living room. While he sat down on the far left end of the couch, you didn’t bother to sit down on the opposite end. Instead, you got comfortable right next to him, a quick invitation that he could touch you if he wanted. 

And Cooper did want to. But his mind was clouded with many things. This experience was completely new to him, but you were absolutely gorgeous in that black dress and he was very curious to see what was underneath it. He was only a man too after all, but–

You clinked your wine glass against his and he was pulled back into the reality of things. His eyes drifted over your body, a hint of longing appearing in them and you could feel yourself smile a little more at that. Cooper wasn’t showing you disinterest, but you could feel the insecurity inside him. 

This job brought you close to many different people and you would be a fool to assume that Cooper wasn’t struggling with the divorce. This wasn’t a rare scenario at all – many men were asking for your services when they wanted to fill the hole left behind by their beloved wives.  

While you took the first sip from your wine, you made sure to keep eye contact up with Cooper. It was enough to send a cold shiver down his spine and let his free hand claw at the arm rest of the couch. 

He took a sip from his drink as well, before placing the glass down on the small table in front of him. 

His lips parted for a moment, ready to form words, but you were quick to place a hand on his arm. Just a gentle touch. Not too much if he didn’t want it yet. “I know this is your first time. I can tell. And… we can do it all in whatever pace you’d prefer.” 

For a moment, the man seemed a little surprised by your words, but his expression quickly changed to a softer one. “Thank you. I appreciate it. I’m–”

What was he even trying to say? Cooper didn’t want to come across as an inexperienced teenager or the like, but he also didn’t want to seem too desperate. Even though he was. His body was clearly desperate. 

“It’s alright.” Maybe a little bit of light conversation might help him, so you took the time to let your eyes wander over his appearance. His brown hair was brushed back neatly and it definitely looked like he had shaved this morning. There was a simple, but beautiful ring adorning his finger, but you were sure it was not his former wedding band. His beige pants and the dark blue sweater were a lot more casual than your own outfit, but you had always been sure that Cooper Howard would look good in anything. 

Would his movies be a good topic to start with? Tell him that you were a fan? 

“I’ve loved your movies for years, you know?”

The look in his eyes changed. His curiosity seemed to give way to disappointment and hurt. Probably the wrong topic. Too sensitive or too personal. 

Your throat seemed to tighten and you were ready to apologise when Cooper interrupted you. 

“Isn’t it a strange thought that… I’m now asking you to have sex with me in a way?” His eyebrows were pushed together in confusion and you didn’t know how to answer at first. 

Of course, it wasn’t what you had expected, but saying you were displeased with the idea would be a lie. 

“No. It’s exciting, actually. Maybe cowboys have always been my thing.”

Cooper’s laugh was quite infectious. He had a big smile, a beautiful one too. His shoulders seemed to relax a little and he eventually put an his arm on the couch behind you. 

“What’s the saying? Save a horse, ride a cowboy?” His voice had grown a little deeper and while you were still able to watch his right hand hold tightly onto the arm rest next to him, a little bit of doubt had probably left him. 

You decided to weigh in on that. 

“I would never say no to a man like you, of course. Definitely worth saving that horse.” 

Another laugh. 

For the first time in a while, the harmless banter seemed to clear his mind off a few worries. Yes, it was a sensitive topic, but you approached it with enough ease that it didn’t seem all that awful anymore to Cooper. 

His left hand eventually moved down to your thigh, gently holding onto it as he searched for your eyes again. 

And before you could really think a lot about it, you kissed the former movie star, maybe a little too eager. 

Yet he was all for it. Your lips felt like a relief he hadn’t experienced in a long time and as he leaned in for more, he was certain that if nothing else could drown out the worries in his mind, your lips would surely be able to quiet his thoughts – even if it was just temporary. 

[sixleggedboar]

Hello everyone, since it's been very quiet on here I wanted to share an update for those who are wondering and the friends and mutuals I've been severly neglecting.

You'll find me oversharing under the cut but tldr, I am still in the middle of recovering from burnout, but it forced me to completely restructure my life to the degree that I am emotionally more stable and therefore feeling better than ever. So for anyone worrying, don't. I still have a long way to go, but I have the privilege of a good and reliable support net that caught me and offers me the resources I need to be able to build the life I need. I want to come back here, share more art in the future, but I will not force it.

And right now it's just not the time.

Thank you to everyone who's still here, thank you for your support!

CW: mental health, depression, suicidal ideation, internalised ableism

I had been suicidal my whole life. Had never known a time where I wasn't. Couldn't understand how people wanted to live, how this wasn't normal. I couldn't see myself in the future no matter how hard I tried. But I kept going because this was my normal, I didn't know anything else, didn't know I needed help and a change that was a lot more fundamental than just talking to a person every week. I had no frame of reference to communicate my struggle that came with every day life because for all I knew this is just how everyone else feels.

This is just life.

And I am just not made for it.

Didn't help that whenever I tried to communicate that to a mental health professional I just got brushed off as dramatic, being told I am fine.

Because in the end it just works. I function.

I was one of the lucky ones who got diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, mum went to a specialist cause she has it herself and wanted to make sure I get tested so I don't have to go through the same struggles that come with staying undiagnosed as she did. Thing is, that diagnosis didn't really change much, I was still too academically gifted and non-obtrusive to be considered for medical treatment (and honestly seeing and hearing about stories were kids have been on the wrong dosage for years because no one knew better makes me think that maybe it was for the better) and my mum tried to teach me the skills to succeed in life despite that diagnosis, but she herself was alone and too deep in her own trauma to be able to provide the support I needed.

This lead to me cracking and dropping out of high school, trying other things, landing back in school, this time college, and cracking again, this time not managing to immediately get up again to keep going with something else.

Nothing seemed to work, so all I could do was to take a break.

A break that showed me for the first time, that no, chronically wanting to die is not normal, that I am capable of enjoying life, that I am capable of wanting to live and my first goal should be to figure out what I can do to crawl my way back into everyday life without losing that feeling, that knowledge. I learned the difference between just a really bad, but perfectly healthy, day and the excrutiating pain day to day living had caused me until that point.

And that break's been going on for over a year now, with me periodically trying to get back into school, trying to figure out what accommodations I need and how I can build a future for myself that is worth living.

I don't know if I'll finish my bachelor's, probably not, but if I drop out I'll need to find a viable alternative first. I don't think I'll ever be able to work full time, doubt I'll ever be able to fully support myself, but I know there is a future out there for me somewhere, one that is worth living to me and that is a hope I never had until recently. That is what I mean when I say I am doing better than ever, despite the fact that my functionality has effectively crumbled to dust and diagnostics say I am still depressed.

I am still struggling with the guilt that comes with relying on others for support, that comes with not being the perfect productive member of society I am expected to be, that comes with not being the perfect friend I want to be. I learned that I actually do want to work, something that if you had asked me a year ago, and if I felt save enough to be honest, I would have said no to. I just need to figure out what that looks like. I learned I can only focus on a handful of things, and that includes basic survival and individual people. I learned what I need to not feel lonely without being overwhelmed by social interactions and have incredible people in my life who make that possible.

I also met my amazing partner who is showing me how stable and unwavering love can be. Who gives me the security I need to say that whatever comes, we'll figure it out.

Oh and yeah, starting medical transition sure as hell helped a lot too.

I am currently trying to find my passions again, learn how to actually love creating art again, to learn how to learn and find enjoyment in just the act of it.

I'm in therapy and am trying out medications in the hopes to find some that work and don't make things worse.

All in all I'm going somewhere. I don't know where it will lead but I know that it will be worth it.

[forallnumbersosc]

This thing still working? Let me see...

Oh there we go! Hello everyone!

Its been a bit, huh! last post was in... what-- JULY?? Goodness I've really left you guys hanging-- Luckily I FINALLY found some time to actually do some stuff especially since-- well---

I got eliminated--

But hey! can't win em all right? Hopefully ill be able to be a bit more active now that I don't have to worry about the competition....

Buuuut I might be a little preoccupied with my er--- new situation... lemme just turn the camera around-

Ah my break's almost over but! I'll be in touch! As for Two, they'll be around as well, don't worry! They just have a lot of stuff to juggle now that the game's REALLY picked up.

Gonna work on some older Q's, do a little cleaning, then open the askbox! See you soon!

[Admin here, NOW for other news!!! please check the Read More for some changes to how I plan to run the blog!]

[so yeah its beeeeeeennnnnnnn a little time haha]

[with my college classes and a crippling inanimate insanity addiction slamming me in the face like a heavyweight boxer, needless to say ive been a bit... diiistracted?

But not just that, like my previous check in post ive been running into a lot of writing problems with how TPOT has been progressing.... don't get me wrong, i LOVE it!! Buuuut it also made my life a little harder when it came to running the blog haha

Originally, the plan was this blog was going to take place after the competition ended, but with how wild the story has been getting, ive made the decision to run the blog alongside the story progression of TPOT. This means there will probably be way less funny ask events or like... actual story and roleplay, but this blog wasn't really meant to be something for rp despite how much I love writing stories...

(on my last biology post there was even supposed to be a whole storyline with Two becoming a little silly for a while, but sadly that will have to be put on the backburner for the time being)

Hopefully with this change itll be a little lighter on the conscience, but im still ironing lore out like the inclusion of the other numerals, but in the end this is still an AU, canonical things are subject to be bent and twisted to benefit how I have things set up here.

If you're still here and have been waiting all this time, thank you so much for hanging with me!! This project was never intended to be a huge commitment and I was hoping I wouldn't have as many huge breaks by keeping it lax, buuuuut here we are.

I'm currently on Christmas Break so I'll have a little more time to chip away at things. No guarantees on how consistent I'll be once my next semester starts, but regardless, thanks for enjoying my silly stuff!]

[rj-anderson]

It's quite a thing to adjust to being back on eldercare duty 9-12 hours a day, every day [1], which is pretty close to how my life was five years ago right before my dad's needs became so overwhelming that we had to transfer him to a nursing home. [2]

Except my dad's weaknesses were mostly physical — mentally he was quite sharp for a nearly 95-year-old — and back then my mom was well enough to keep him company, do the cleaning and laundry, and make meals for him so I could focus on managing his home care (and all the phone calls and paperwork that involved), helping him in and out of bed for naps, and wheeling him to and from the washroom as needed. Even if it was a lot of work, I wasn't doing ALL the work, and I could go for a walk in the woods or run a few errands without worrying (much) that Bad Things would happen in my absence. My mom, though, is physically in decent shape for 92, apart from her Meniere's Disease (aka chronic vertigo). But over the past year she's been increasingly losing her executive function and ability to retain recent memories. She's starting to leave her essential items like hearing aids and glasses in odd places around the house, and getting distressed when she can't find them.

Most tasks that used to be routine for Mom are beyond her now, and even writing down the steps for her doesn't help. She either forgets to look at the instructions, or she's too confused to follow them. Even answering the phone is a challenge these days, because if she can't hear the caller right away (which she usually can't, despite the volume enhancement) she starts pressing buttons at random and hangs up on them more often than not.

So for the past three months I've been running downstairs every hour or two all day to give my mom her medications, make her lunch and dinner, do her laundry, take her for her daily walk, answer her phone, turn on the TV for her, shepherd her through her nightly bedtime routine, and reassure her when she's worried about something she can't remember. It takes up a big chunk of every day in addition to my own family and church responsibilities (neither of which I want to give up or think I should). And that's assuming Mom doesn't have one of her out-of-the-blue excruciating nerve pain attacks, a fairly new development which involves a whole other level of care and leave us both exhausted for a day or more afterward. [3]

But the hardest part is that I can't leave the house now, even for a short time, without hiring a professional caregiver or recruiting a family member to take my place. My mom no longer remembers how to phone me in a crisis, and is unable to take any of her needed vertigo or pain medications on her own. If someone isn't right there to help, Bad Things will most definitely happen at some point, and more likely sooner than later.

Worse, I have no sisters, only brothers, all of whom live hours away. And as my Mom's need for care becomes increasingly specialized and personal, they're less and less equipped -- or suitable, from a woman's point of view -- to help her for more than a few hours at a time. And if Mom has one of her out-of-the-blue pain attacks, they aren't trained to give her the injection she needs. [4] So they'd have to give her oral meds and watch her suffer for 30-45 minutes before the pills kick in — and having gone through that myself several times now, I wouldn't wish the experience on my worst enemy. Or put my Mom through that much pain again, if I can help it.

But she's not in pain, or sick with vertigo, all the time. In fact, she can go for days or weeks without an attack. She's able to move about freely with her walker, chat with visiting helpers and family, stroke our two cats and enjoy looking out the back window at our yard. She looks forward to the meals I make for her and exclaims over how tasty and nourishing they are. She's lived in my basement for 20 years now, so everything is familiar and comforting. And right now, she's as safe here as she could be anywhere. The idea of transferring her to a care home even if there was a bed available (which there isn't — the waiting list in this area is 3-5 years for 24-hour nursing care and 10 years for assisted living) just doesn't seem to make sense, or be anything but cruel to her. And while there are some places that offer overnight respite care for up to a week, they only do that for clients enrolled in their adult day programs — which my mom can't attend because of her complex and unpredictable symptoms.

So I don't know when I'll ever get another vacation. I certainly can't take any overnight trips, or even day trips, right now. Unless I hire a registered nurse to stay with Mom the whole time I'm gone, and pay her hundreds of dollars to do it.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, except to get it off my chest. I love my Mom and I want to do my best for her. I'm thankful that despite her physical and mental health issues she is a loving, grateful and overall very obliging person to care for. She thanks and praises me for everything I do to help her, and apologizes for taking up so much of my time. I know she never wanted to put me in this position any more than I want to be in it.

But it's hard. It's really, really hard. And I wish I knew how long this is going to go on.

-- [1] Not counting the occasional calls in the middle of the night, which I hope will be fewer now that I've moved the call bell to keep my mom from knocking it by accident.

[2] Dad passed in early 2020, just before the pandemic. I'm still thanking God daily for that timing because I can't even imagine what it would have been like trying to visit him in lockdown.

[3] We've been to the hospital and our family doctor multiple times about this. Nobody can figure out why it's happening or how to stop it. We're supposed to get a CT scan at some point, which I hope will give us some more answers, but that could be weeks or months away.

[4] I myself was only trained a few days ago, and without any medical background or experience, I'm far from confident about it. Not even sure how well it's going to work, but something has to.

[luffyvace]

Chrollo Lulcifer x outgoing reader

no gender specified here so i guess you can count it as gn. btw this is separate from my phantom troupe hcs i’m planning on grouping those :)

(for the record I will still do the rest of the poll results just wanted to post some hxh content as I haven’t in a while <3)

enjoy<3

seeing as though your outgoing if you didn’t meet from the troupe you probably came up to him first

but for these headcanons im gonna go with a reader who’s in the troupe

and childhood friends troupe too :)

ngl your special

your just as important to him as pakunoda

and canonly she was dear to him

so when you came up to him all excited about those tapes they were doing

something sparked in him and he wanted to be your friend instantly

back then you had to be careful who you trust

so he didn’t rush in and become best friends with you overnight

but he definitely enjoyed the time he spent with you

you even got a few episodes in the tapes!!

that was the happiest moment of your childhood

back to present 😋

Chrollo doesn’t mind your need to be active and in fact it’s motivating to him to be as well

he takes you out to as many events and outings as you want

although i’ll say he’s more reserved so your doing the talking and he’s doing the nodding and smiling

he doesn’t mind when you have plans with your friends but just make sure to make time for him

it’ll make him feel lonely if your out having fun and he’s just sitting around with the realization that he has no friends

that’s not in the troupe anyway

its like despite being in the troupe you’d still manage to find a somewhat normal life

he kind of envies that

to be able to still have a sort of morals and such

and not be alienated, y’know?

having a sense of self, in a way.

he does suggest more indoor or private dates and activities

and as much as you love him you just would prefer going out and doing something fun

so he finds loop wholes :)

mounting climbing! your still out and about but your alone!

and since your in the troupe he doesn’t worry about falling much

seeing as though you can handle your own

still keeps and eye out for you though

especially if your not the strongest physically

you also put forth effort for more one on one dates

like watching movies in the bed

its perfect for when your sleepy especially

like you have a whole routine of fun yet tiring mini adventures

and then you get to come back and cuddle with your lover ����

isn’t that sweet?!

your probably a physically affectionate person

you can give him as much affection in private as you want

with just you two, you can kiss on the cheek, lips, forehead, hands, neck, hug him, cuddle, whatever!

in public it’s more so just occasional cheek kisses, holding onto his arm and holding hands

sometimes you turn things into a game or your just really playful

splashing in the supposed to be a romantic bath

hoping on his back and making him give you a piggyback ride on what was supposed to be a romantic walk

he loves you though, so he never says anything about it

it doesn’t really irk him like that anyway

its another one of those

‘it’s you, so it’s endearing’ moments

buys you all kinds of gifts

typical for chrollo headcanons but i just had to mention it

oh did i say buy?

i meant steal

its not like you don’t know or anything

especially since your in the troupe yourself

i will say pda is hands off in front of the troupe

hes the boss, and your boss, and needs to keep up a reputation

he’s cried in front of the troupe before in that one scene

so it’s not really him being afraid to be vulnerable

it’s just that this is business

he needs to focus

not kisses and cuddles right now. okay honey?

he talks over the troupe’s next moves with you before telling the other members

even more so if your highly intelligent or good at planning

alr im gonna end it here<3

it’s a little bit short but i think it’s a decent length🧍‍♀️. anyway i’m gonna work on some more drafts now cyaa! hope you enjoyed💓

[pupkashi]

nanami kento has a green thumb

a/n: hi hi friends ! I’m back with another nanami one shot ? drabble ? idk what this is considered anymore,, i hope you guys enjoy !! i write something similar on my old blog so this is loosely inspired by that :3 let me know what y’all think <3

wordcount: 1,181

masterlist

nanami kento has a green thumb, he’s only ever bought one plant in his life, and he’s kept it alive for five years now.

you’ve bought a multitude of plants in your life, and each and every one of them have met the same twisted fate: death.

nanami learned about your love for plants after the first couple dates, telling you that surely there’s no way you managed to dry out a cactus. and you, as sad as it was, showed him the picture of the dried cactus, a frown on your face as you explained to him that your love for plants just wasn’t meant to be; you were star crossed lovers.

so when you began dating, kento found himself in the plant nursery, getting you a small succulent that he hoped would survive.

“you only have to water it once every two weeks, just feel the soil and if it’s dry then water it” he explains to you, making sure his every word is heard before handing you the small plant. there’s worry in your eyes as you hold the plant gently.

“I’ll do my very best little guy” you say to the plant, looking up at your boyfriend and smiling widely. “thank you kento” he can only smile, pressing a kiss to your lips before taking in the sight of you and your sparkling eyes.

there’s no way someone as gentle and life as you could kill a plant that was easy to take care of, right?

when nanami comes over a month later he can help but let his eyes wander to the spot that you had claimed as the succulents home, only to find the plant nowhere in sight.

“okay the popcorn is ready, did you find the movie?” you ask, smiling as you settle onto the couch next to your boyfriend, “what’s wrong?” you ask, eyes following his and your whole demeanor shifts.

“y/n” his voice is soft as he turns to look at you, “where’s the plant i gave you?”

he knows. you know he knows. he knows you know he knows. and you wish he didn’t know you knew all that.

“you have to hear me out” you begin, setting the popcorn down and taking his hands in yours. “i really tried i did! i watered him like you said and he just started dying! i googled what to do and do i did that but then it just got worse so i didn’t water him and then he just- he was all yellow and dead!” you cried out, squeezing his hands before resting your head on his chest, landing with a small ‘thump.’

“okay, okay,” he smiles, arms wrapping around you and holding you tightly, “maybe he had a bacteria or a parasite i didn’t catch when i had bought him” he reasons, “I’ll get you another one, I’m sure you’ll be able to keep it alive” a smile of reassurance on his face as he kisses the top of your head.

two weeks later when he brings you yet another successful you take it in with weary arms, as careful with it as you’d be a newborn. everyday you talked to it, checking it’s soil and making sure it was healthy. and it was!

for one more week. then it began to wilt, despite the soul being moist. and so you watered it, because it needed water, right? it’s what google said.

and so succulent #2 was dead within the month. death by overwatering.

nanami didn’t gift you anymore plants, deciding that maybe when it came to plants you really were doomed.

he opted instead on buying a couple more plants for his own apartment, letting you name them and sending you updates on them.

when the two of you moved in together you were beyond ecstatic. you were finally gonna have plants in your home and they’d live longer than a month!

the home you’d bought had a small garden in the back, and you had envisioned an array of flowers you could plant. maybe your bad luck was only with house plants, you thought, outdoor plants are a lot easier right?

and so nanami watched as you brought home flower seeds and fertilizer, the gears in his head turning as he pieces together the plan you’d kept secret from him.

kento didn’t dare say a word to you, watching as you researched endlessly on the laptop, trying to keep the screen out of his sight but failing miserably.

“you need help with anything my love?” he asked, watching you haul a bag of soil across the yard.

“I’m fine, thank you honey!” you called out, smiling widely as you continued working, praying that these flowers would grow.

and they did! they grew beautifully and bloomed larger than you could have ever hoped for.

nanami watched as you snapped pictures of the blooming flowers, bright eyed and buzzing with excitement as he smiled next you.

“I’m so proud of you” he smiled, kissing your forehead as you boasted on and on about your now prized flowers.

nanami kento has a green thumb. one he used to help your garden of flowers out everytime after you worked on it. you’d slip into the shower and he’s rush outside, hastily and quietly gardening and trying to make sure you were doing the right things (half the time you were way off.)

“we’re you in the garden?” you asked once, noticing the speck of soil on his shorts.

“i just wanted to see how it was coming along, it look amazing darling” he smiled, hiding his very dirty hands in his pockets.

he would never tell you, nothing in the world could force the truth out of him no matter the circumstances. seeing the pure joy and accomplishment and your face was enough for him to bury his secret deep down and throw the key away.

for as long as he could, kento kept up with you Garden and every house plant you brought in, caring for them properly and letting you have all the praise for it. he didn’t mind, your happiness was all he ever wanted.

nanami kento had a green thumb, you had a black thumb. but maybe that’s what made you two destined for each other.

you eventually did find out though, when he had one too many shots and began apologizing profusely to you, spilling his secret and begging you to not leave him.

your hurt and anger came and went in a couple minutes, the sheer love and devotion of your lovers actions hitting you like ocean waves. all you could do is hold him tightly, kissing his face and telling him how much you love him.

come morning you’d confront him, asking him just how hard he had to work to keep alive the five orchids you brought home.

or in which you can’t keep a plant alive to save your life, but kento could do it with his eyes closed. he’s willing to live a life of lies in the garden to see you happy.

taglist (send an ask to be added!): @chilichopsticks @anime-for-the-sleepless @4sat0ruu @safaia-47 @nanamikentoseyebags

[disillusioneddanny]

Hi not sure this is the right place for requests so feel free to ignore it. My idea was Omega Jason about to go into heat in near future talking to Danny about boundaries and what he is and isn't okay with. Trusting Danny not to hurt him when he's vulnerable. Could be nice and fluffy with a hint of past sa/Jason's experiences on the street/maybe the whole Talia thing I personaly really hate, for just a smidgen of angst. But you can obviously do anything you like with it.

Hope you have fun writing again soon. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

OOh that sounds fun! And the DPxDC Omegaverse event just happened so perfect timing :3

Also, this one got a bit away from me. It's not quite talking about his boundaries with Danny but more so Jason thinking about how Danny has always respected his boundaries and why Jason trusts him enough to allow him into his nest for his heat.

I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

....

Jason was nervous. This was his first ever heat since he started courting Danny and he was hoping to have his boyfriend heat share with him. It was a big step in their relationship and part of Jason worried that it was too soon to ask something like that of Danny. Especially since Danny was a beta and didn’t get the same instincts that an alpha or an omega did when an omega went into heat. Sure, betas still had some instinct to cuddle and protect an omega but it wasn’t quite the same. 

Omegas in heat were at their most vulnerable and Jason had been hurt plenty of times before. On the streets as an omega pup, Jason had learned to keep his scent glands hidden at all times, made sure to take any illegal suppressant that he could just to make sure no one tried to get one over on him.

When he was living with Bruce, he had finally felt safe. With an alpha father and an omega brother, Jason felt safer than he had ever felt in his life and Dick and Bruce had done everything they could to have a sense of security the entire time. 

Then Jason had died. And he had come back only to be thrust into the world of the League of Assassins where it was dangerous to be an omega. The majority of the League were betas, Ra’s himself even saying that betas were far superior due to the fact that they were not influenced by or slaves to their instincts the same way that omegas and alphas were. It had made his time with them hard, forced to take supplements and forced to ignore the instinct inside of him that seemed to constantly scream at the former vigilante.

The years with the League of Assassins had not been kind to the omega and he had been left with a sense of loneliness and feeling completely unwanted in a way he hadn’t felt since he was on the streets as a child. 

Years later at just twenty-two, though, Jason had found someone who loved him and his omega. Danny had grown up in a family of betas, both of his friends being betas and not really being close to alphas or omegas his entire life but it didn’t seem to matter. 

He did everything properly, he courted Jason better than he had ever been courted before. He gave Jason gifts, beautiful notebooks and classic novels with the fancy covers that Jason always saw in bookstores but could never bring himself to buy despite finally being able to afford them. He gave Jason soft blankets with his faint beta scent attached to them, pillows for Jason’s nest, Jason’s favorite brands of tea and all the weapons Jason could ever want! He gave Jason guns from other dimensions, swords from the Dark Ages that he had specially made just for the omega. Danny showered Jason in gifts, he took Jason on the most spectacular and wonderful dates, and he never questioned him. 

That was the most important part in Jason’s opinion. 

Because after everything he had been through between living on the streets and training in the League of Assassin, Jason wasn’t what most would consider a normal omega. He was scared of letting people in, scared of letting others see those vulnerable parts of himself and Danny handled that so well. 

Danny came with his own baggage, with trauma that could match Jason’s–not like it was a competition–and because of it he was so utterly patient and understanding. He was more than happy to go at a snail’s pace. He took everything Jason’s speed as the vigilante worked to figure out their dynamic together and Jason found himself falling more and more in love with the beta because of it. 

So as nervous as Jason was, inviting Danny into his nest during his heat was probably the easiest decision Jason could ever make. He trusted Danny to be there for him, to respect his boundaries and make sure that he was safe. Danny would never in a million years hurt Jason, especially not when he was as vulnerable as he was during his heat. 

Which was why when the beta knocked on the door of his most secure safe house, Jason ignored the pounding of his heart and swung the door wide open, a smile stretched across his face. 

Danny gave him a bashful smile as he looked up at the Crime Lord, his cheeks just a bit flushed. “Hey gorgeous,” he said, his eyes twinkled with mischief and the anxiety in Jason practically disappeared as he grabbed the front of Danny’s shirt and yanked him into his apartment. He pulled his boyfriend into a hug reminiscent of Dick Grayson’s octopus holds and scented the beta thoroughly. 

The halfa simply laughed from underneath him, wrapping his arms around Jason’s shoulders. “I missed you too,” he said, tangling his fingers in Jason’s dark black locks, tugging at his hair lightly as Jason nuzzled the scent gland on Danny’s neck. 

Danny’s scent reminded Jason of all of his favorite things. Of brand new books, the sharp scent of coffee brewing, and a soft flowery smell that Jason could never quite discern. The scents were quite as strong as they would be on an alpha or an omega but Jason didn’t mind, he found himself drawn to the lovely smell every time Danny was close. It was like a warm blanket wrapped around his shoulders holding him tight and lovingly. 

“I brought those nasty ass protein bars you like, some wonton soup from that shop on eight street that you like a lot, and a bunch of easy snacks that i know you like,” Danny said, running his wrist along the scent gland on Jason’s neck, not minding one bit as Jason thoroughly scented the beta. “I’ve also got a case of Dr. Pepper since it’s your favorite, some cherry garcia ice cream because you’re a madman who doesn’t realize that half-baked is obviously superior, and a bunch of those electrolyte packets that we can mix with water. I also brought a bunch of my blankets and pillows and clothes,” he said with a sly smile that had Jason pulling away quickly. 

His eyes immediately zeroed in on the duffel bags that sat at Danny’s feet and grinned. “Danny Fenton, have I ever mentioned just how much I adore you?” He breathed out and Danny just gave him a small hint of a smile. 

“You could stand to say it more often,” he teased as Jason hefted the bag full of Danny’s clothes and blankets and pillows and hurried into his room to start adding them to his nest, Danny not far behind with everything else they would need for the next five days of Jason’s heat. 

Yes, Jason was nervous about showing this side of himself to Danny. If he was being honest, though, it was the best decision he could ever make.

did you enjoy this one shot? Send me a request here and I'll try to get to it asap <3

[blade-ranger-301]

Sorry about the bots!! I have the same problem on my main and side blogs. 🥲

So here is a normal question for ya! What are some of your favorite Blade HCs?

Ah glad I'm not the only one. They're so annoying 😭

And thank you for the ask! Means a lot and I'd love to be able to interact with others about our OC's and headcanons

I have a few of my own personal HC's for the angry helo 🚁:

- British. Despite the Planes 2 film being set in the US (I'm assuming), I'm writing my own fanfiction which is basically my own version of the film with added OC's, and it's set in the UK JUST for the sole reason that I can write Blade as a Brit 🇬🇧 (I have another post that support this lore: land, fire statistics, etc)

If Blade was British, he'd be from Northern or North-Western England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 He's got that vibe in him: Typical working-class, an unmatched taste in humour, down to earth, sarcastic, takes no shit, stubborn and incredibly stoic (especially this), and I would imagine he would swear.. a lot

I think another reason why this is fun for me is that I can show other non-UK followers what the UK is really like. None of that London aesthetics shit. Idk how others view my country but whenever you look at ✨️UK aesthetic✨️ pics online, it's either London or cute little countryside cottages. A lot of photos and posts on social media perceive the whole of the UK as one big "London" island. Blade is none of that, and I think it'll be fun to see what he brings to the table 🇬🇧

- another HC is that he's best friends with Bravo and Echo. I've not yet explored how he meets and befriends them

- Blade occasionally drinks on the job. Not intense drinking, but Maru would definitely make him a glass or two to prevent him from going on a rage induced murder spree on everyone when he's in one of his bad moods. It's even hinted in the film when Maru sarcastically replies to Cad via radio "Oh, he's out back sipping a Motojito". So Blade's definitely having a few cheeky mojito cocktails on the sly whilst on duty. Maybe that's why he's sometimes so calm and chill in the movie XDDD

- The biggest HC I'm exploring is a big self-insert in Blade's past. Nick is alive so there's a reason why he leaves filming, but he's dealt with another traumatic experience in the past.

For the entirety of 2024, I've been dealing with the aftermath of a best friend breakup. In all 24 years of life, this is probably the worst BFF trainwreck I've experienced to date. That person is also a member of the LM community (not here) and have since replaced me with a new best friend also in the LM community. So this year I've been processing the up's and down's in my mental health. It's been 1 year since it happened, and I'm still not the same and it still affects me, but I've survived and maybe I've come a long way since but it doesn't feel like it - but I'll keep on trudging forward *keep calm and carry on Brit energy 🇬🇧✨️*

I'm planning on Blade going through the same 'best friend betrayal' ordeal because I think that maybe this will help me in some way. Due to this event, Blade will be affected badly and will become depressed, withdrawn, melancholic and angry, and will actively isolate himself from his team and others. When my heli OC Toni comes along, she'll have a hard time earning his trust, but with time, patience and Maru's help, she will eventually break through his shell and he'll be a much happier character in future and they'll become a couple.

I'm not sure how the timeline and scenes will pan out, but I use quotes to take notes and ideas for now, but I struggle with motivation and creativity often. But I'm going to get the Planes 2 fanfic out the way before I can worry about this one XD

But anyways thank you for letting me ramble and I hope you all enjoyed the read ☺️

[daresplaining]

An Interview with Christine Hanefalk

Christine Hanefalk created her blog, The Other Murdock Papers, in 2007 as a place to discuss and share her interest in Matt Murdock and his world. Over the years, she has become one of the most compelling and influential voices within the Daredevil fan community, even making a cameo appearance in the comic itself in Daredevil volume 3 #31. In 2022 she published Being Matt Murdock, a passion project centered around an area of particular fascination: Matt's legendary hypersenses. The book weaves real-world science into the vast Daredevil canon to explore the notion that Daredevil's powers, though superhuman, are not – and do not need to be – as divorced from reality as one might think.

Christine was kind enough to answer my questions about the book, and about her nearly twenty-year-long fascination with the Man Without Fear. Read the interview below...

Daresplaining: I know many people will be familiar with your blog and your longtime interest in Matt Murdock's sensory world, but could you say a little about how Being Matt Murdock first came about, and how you approached writing and researching it?

Christine Hanefalk: I started The Other Murdock Papers in late 2007 and gradually allowed myself to start writing more about the scientific and sensory aspects of Daredevil as time went on. I was really worried it might turn people off, but the opposite was true and people really seemed to dig my deep dives. And so as far back as around 2012 I decided that, one of these days, I was going to try to write a whole book on the subject. 

Despite the fact that it took me ten years to complete it, with most of the work being concentrated to the final 12-18 months before publication, I had actually done some writing early-on. I think I had about half of chapters one (on the literary history) and seven (on the sense of smell) written several years ago, along with various snippets and notes that I had filed away and was able to work into some of the other chapters. I had also consistently been keeping an eye out for anything new and interesting in the peer reviewed academic literature, and managed to amass – and read through – quite a collection of books on sensory neuroscience over the years.

When that “now or never” moment finally arrived, it lined up well with a period of time in my life where I was able to cut back on regular work and devote most of my time and energy to the book. I went over all of the stuff I’d already looked at before but with more focus, and got myself reacquainted with subjects I hadn’t really touched since college, such as thermodynamics. I also reread nearly all of the comics, taking very detailed notes on how and when Daredevil used his senses to get a better idea of the overall pattern. It’s not an understatement to say that I’ve spent upwards of 2,000 hours on this project over the years.

D: I understand that you were introduced to Daredevil through the 2003 movie. What drew you so strongly to Matt as a character? How much of a role has your fascination with his powers played in your continuing interest over the years?

CH: I grew up reading comics and enjoying sci-fi and superhero movies as a kid. I was born in 1977, so both the original Star Wars trilogy and the Superman franchise loomed large in my life when I got old enough to watch them. And while I eventually stopped reading superhero comics, I always had a special place in my heart for the genre and had a certain fascination with the general idea of superheroes. That eventually steered me in the direction of the Daredevil movie when it was released in video stores (I don’t think it even went up in theaters in my native Sweden). 

The specifics of Matt Murdock’s power set was definitely one thing that gave this character an unusual kind of appeal to me. I had always been interested in the science of the senses – and what happens when one is missing – and had even written a paper on sensory compensation for my neuroscience class while I was an exchange student at the University of Rochester around the turn of the millennium. 

There were additional things that made Daredevil interesting of course, such as his career as a lawyer, his overall personality, and the general mood of the world he inhabited, but the combination of his power set and my already having a soft spot for superheroes definitely piqued my interest right away. Within a few months of learning that Daredevil even existed, I had read pretty much everything he had ever appeared in.

D: Do you have a favorite sense, both in terms of your own research and as a Daredevil fan?

CH: I think I probably enjoyed researching hearing the most since there’s so much to cover. It’s also fascinating to me how hearing can be called on to perform spatial functions despite having this deceptively simple, linear, time-dependent form in terms of how it is received by the ear. The fact that it’s possible, even for quite ordinary humans, to sort of “see-hear” silent objects is fascinating to me.

However, if we look at Daredevil, I’d say that hearing has tended to be overused compared to both smell and touch. While hearing is often called on to perform near transcendental duties, smell tends to be forgotten by a lot of writers, probably in large part due to the fact that we humans seem to be less conscious of smells than we are of other sensory input. For the entire history of the comic, Daredevil has often gone several issues without any reference to smell, and the things he’s been smelling have often tended to not be very interesting. It’s always a treat to see smell being used in creative ways.

Still, the sense I would be even more interested in seeing more of in Daredevil is probably touch, which I also think is used less than it could be. Sure, there’s plenty of reading by touch (print or braille), but I still think we might be underestimating the importance of touch in Matt’s life, due in part to the high expectations of the radar sense (whatever we make of it). I view the “radar” as absolutely vital to everything Matt does as Daredevil, but I also see a much greater potential role for touch to work synergistically with such an ability.

D: Do you have a favorite new fact that you learned over the course of researching this book?

CH: Yes. I do think my coming across Jacob Twersky’s writing helped solidify the idea I had about how the concept of the radar sense may have originated. Blinded in childhood, Twersky would go on to become a champion collegiate wrestler, and later a historian and author. I read both his 1954 novel The Face of the Deep and his 1959 autobiography The Sound of the Walls while working on my own book. The way Twersky describes his sense of the obstacles around him in The Sound of the Walls struck me as shockingly similar to early descriptions of Daredevil’s radar sense, including the use of the term “radar” itself. 

While I can’t know for sure whether anyone at Marvel was familiar with Twersky’s writing, it’s worth noting that he was a New Yorker and a contemporary of Stan Lee and many of the others in the Marvel bullpen back in the day. Whatever the case may be, it’s clear that the Marvel creators were not the first to use the word “radar” to describe the “obstacle sense of the blind,” as it was often known at the time. Over the years, and especially after having studied the early issues in great detail, I’ve definitely come to favor the idea that the “radar sense” wasn’t meant to be understood as a literal (electromagnetic) radar, though I should add that the understanding of the radar seems to have been all over the place for most of Daredevil history. Reading Twersky definitely added considerable weight to my interpretation of the early radar sense.

I also had some favorite epiphanies connected to the radar sense, one in particular which I think explains why Daredevil’s very particular way of being blind is often so difficult to make sense of for writers and fans alike. I recently wrote a rather lengthy post covering much of that stuff.

D: While taking a renewed deep dive into the source material, did you find yourself changing your opinion on anything?

CH: I should preface this by saying that there are definitely things I’ve changed my mind about over the years, even before I started most of the work on the book. I mentioned above that my understanding of the radar sense has shifted gradually, away from the more literal take the name suggests. Looking at the comics very carefully gives you even more of a sense that pinning down anything concrete here is going to be really difficult.

Revisting the comics has also given me a new appreciation for certain runs, such as the pre-Miller Bronze Age issues. This process has also led me to reassess my earlier assumptions that Daredevil’s senses have gone through some kind of steady evolution from Silver Age goofy to modern and grounded. This really isn’t the case, especially when you exclude some of the early outliers. You can find plenty of examples of both nonsensical and absolutely brilliant “senses writing” throughout the history of the comic, but I wouldn’t say that the treatment of the senses, or Matt’s blindness, have necessarily become more grounded on average.

D: You go into great detail about how much of Matt's sensory world has not been explored yet on the page. Is there any particular, specific experience that you would love to see depicted in future runs or adaptations? 

CH: Contrary to what people might expect of me given my priors, I don’t necessarily think that there needs to be more stories about his senses, blindness and so on. However, I think these aspects of the character should be viewed as absolutely essential to how Daredevil is written, no matter what the particular storyline happens to be. I make a point in the book about how Daredevil is an amazingly interesting thought experiment, and I really believe that. So I’d really just wish for writers to be more comfortable running their scenes and stories through whatever their own version of this thought experiment happens to be and making sure that what’s on the page makes sense in light of that.

D: While researching other superpowered blind characters from the comics world and beyond, did you discover any new favorites? Can we expect a spin-off blog about Doctor Mid-Nite?

CH: Ha ha, no. It’s enough of a challenge keeping up with The Other Murdock Papers these days. As regular readers have undoubtedly noticed, I’ve been considerably less active there in recent years, having to do with work on the book as well as other real life stuff that’s competing for my time and attention. I do expect it to live on for many more years though, and I do update every once in a while. I’m definitely looking forward to writing about Daredevil: Born Again when that comes out, and we also have Echo coming out in early 2024.

D: What is your biggest Daredevil sensory pet peeve?

CH: To be honest, what bothers me more than all of the silly things put together is the suggestion that Daredevil can “see better than all of us,” is “not really blind,” and so on. As much as this might sound like the whole point of the character, it also takes much of the complexity out of what Daredevil does and how he does it. As blanket statements go, it just doesn’t hold up to scrutiny, unless we radically redefine what sight is, and what the other senses – even when heightened – actually do. 

D: I love the scene in volume 3 #26 when Matt evades Ikari by changing his heart rate, even though logic would suggest that Ikari could still track him using his other senses, or even just other sounds. Do you have any favorite DD moments where you let sensory weirdnesses slide just because the scene is so compelling? 

CH: While it’s a whole issue rather than a single scene, I really enjoyed what Mark Waid and Chris Samnee were attempting to do with the story that sees Matt attempt to escape Latveria while losing all of his senses. The scene I’m choosing to let slide here is when Matt seems to develop some kind of heat vision (it’s frankly unclear what it’s supposed to be) as his body tries to compensate. Whenever you see hints of thermal imaging in Daredevil, that’s an indication that he’s doing something that’s much further removed from how his senses should work than most people realize. It’s not something that follows naturally from heightened senses and is more like an entirely different kind of superpower. 

I definitely tend to give a writer much more slack when 1) I'm enjoying the writing overall, and 2) said writer compensates to some degree by doing a good job of exploring, or at the very least remembering, that Matt is in fact blind.

D: What are your hopes for this book in regards to the impact it might have on how Daredevil is written in the future? What are the key takeaways that you hope fans and/or potential future Daredevil creators pull from it? 

CH: If people reading this interview haven’t read Being Matt Murdock they may get the impression that it’s all a long list of “don’ts” or “can’ts,” but that’s a far cry from what I’ve attempted to do. I remember reading another superhero science book a few years ago that seemed to have as its central premise that “superpowers are stupid,” which didn’t feel particularly gratifying. I don’t see it that way at all. Sure, there are certainly characters whose powers read more like magic than anything else, but I don’t necessarily mind that. We don’t have to hold every character to any kind of scientific standard, and there definitely comes a point when taking this too far just takes the fun out of it. 

When it comes to a character like Daredevil, however, I feel very strongly that bringing science into the picture has the potential to aid in the creative process rather than hinder it. Daredevil is relatively unusual in that he can exist comfortably in a kind of “reality next door.” His powers are not possible in our own universe, but they are not so far removed from our normal understanding of things that we can’t attempt to make sense of them and imagine what life would be like from his perspective. Because while no one has super hearing, most of us do have regular human hearing which detects the measurable and explainable phenomenon of sound. 

There are naturally things about Daredevil that not even loosening the reins of biology will address – for instance, even a science-minded writer is likely going to have to break some of the laws of the physics of sound – but understanding how these phenomena unfold in the real world helps create a good structure for how Daredevil might operate. And I feel like I’ve come pretty close to presenting a coherent “view” of the world from Daredevil’s perspective in this book.

It would definitely be a dream come true to have this book inspire future Daredevil writers, but I obviously don’t have much control over that kind of stuff. I’ve been able to give out plenty of copies to past writers and artists though, ha ha. I would want incoming writers to know that science is their friend. And that understanding some of the science makes Daredevil even more fascinating.

D: If you were given the opportunity to actually experience the world the way Matt does for a day, would you take it?

CH: Absolutely! Mind you, I probably wouldn’t want to do it for longer than a day or two and I very much appreciate my standard issue eyesight, but I think it would be fascinating to explore his world. Though in this thought experiment, I would assume that I could experience things the way he does after years of getting used to it so it’s not too much of a shock to the system. Unlike what happened in the delightfully ridiculous story where Daredevil switched bodies with Doctor Doom, and Doom appeared to adjust on the spot and couldn’t even figure out that he was now blind, I would expect it to take months or even years to learn to navigate the world the way Matt does (superhero acrobatics not included). And it’s not just about being able to integrate different amounts and kinds of sensory information. It’s also a matter of acquiring the strategies that allow for combining this sensory information with real-world knowledge in order to handle the many ambiguities which remain in a world organized around people with a more standard set of human senses.

D: Do you have any book/article/etc. recommendations for someone wanting to expand their reading on the topics explored in the book?

CH: Among the books I’ve read that I would recommend for general audiences is David Eagleman’s The Brain: The Story of You as a good introduction to the brain. If people want to progress from there I also recommend Brainscapes by Rebecca Schwarzlose. I don’t make any explicit references to Brainscapes in my book, but it’s a very solid read for anyone who wants to learn more about the role of “brain maps” in guiding our experiences. For the senses themselves, there’s The Universal Sense by Seth S. Horowitz (about hearing), and What the Nose Knows by Avery Gilbert.

Another book I read years ago that is sort of “on-topic” is A Sense of the World: How a Blind Man Became History’s Greatest Traveler by Jason Roberts. It’s not one I reference in my own book, but I guess it’s “Daredevil adjacent.” It tells the absolutely fascinating true story of James Holman (1786-1857).

D: Beyond Being Matt Murdock and your blog, is there anything else you would like to promote/mention here?

CH: Not for the time being. Maybe there’ll be a second edition of Being Matt Murdock one day, but I don’t have any such plans for the foreseeable future. What I would like to do is take the opportunity to encourage people to tackle their own passion projects. For me, finalizing this project came down to realizing that if I were to be told I only had a year to live, I would want to prioritize finishing this book. That’s how much it meant to me. And when you feel that way about something, try to do whatever you can – as much as your current circumstances will allow – to give yourself that gift. Tackling something like this can be very daunting, and I definitely had to get over my fears of making mistakes and putting myself out there in order to do this. But I’m really glad that I finally did.

For more fun facts and information on Being Matt Murdock, and to purchase your own copy, visit www.scienceofdaredevil.com

For more of Christine Hanefalk's writing, visit www.theothermurdockpapers.com

[kunekojo]

Would they fall in love at first sight or would it be slow burn and why and how do they confess if the reader is oblivious for szayel, mayuri and adult uryu ? Fluff plz

Also thx for the follow 🥺

You’re welcome!!! I need to make more bleach moots 🥹🥹🥹 thank you so much for being my first request btw, this means a whole lot to me! I hope you enjoy this!!!

Love at first sight/slow burn with Szayel, Mayuri and Uryu(adult)

•••

Mayuri Kurotsuchi

With him, it’s pure slow burn.

At first, he’ll treat you just like he treats everyone else, but right when you indicate the tiniest bit of curiosity in his projects, he’ll be overjoyed.

His experiments are his pride and it’s pretty rare for any of the soul reapers to show the slightest bit of interest in them. Yet when you do, he’ll take you and show you absolutely everything while stating the smallest details, convinced you won’t last for too long. His intellect isn’t for everyone and it’s not his problem.

But the problem is, you don’t leave. A little unexpected but he’s sure you’ll leave, eventually.

But again, you don’t. You find everything about his experiments so fascinating that you just hang around because you genuinely enjoy it. You find him impressive enough that you can’t quit witnessing his psyche.

You’re not a scientist yourself but learning about these things takes a hold of you so much that you find yourself together in his lab with him oftentimes.

And believe me, you end up spending a looot of time with him. So much that everyone is kind of worried but that's not an issue.

The more time you spend with him, the more you begin developing ideas and you're not ashamed to spill your mind. Of course, he might be a bit cruel while correcting you but hey, this is his style, right? You can't be right about everything, but he's kind of encouraging you in a weird way to keep at it.

Still, he finds it a little fascinating how you hang around him, indulging yourself in his domain. After all, his mind is so vast, how can people not do that?

Little by little, you take after him and it impresses him greatly, so much that he's kind of developing a little something something for you but he can't exactly grasp what, hell he just thinks you've specialized yourself. Maybe it’s just mutual respect with how much you've evolved but oh boy, it's so much greater than that.

First, You'll notice he's actually letting you take part in his research as he does his lil mad scientist thing but hey, perhaps this means you’re finally able to attend to these, so good job.

Second, he'll tend to care about your well-being in battles. Thing he normally doesn't mind. As a soul reaper, you must give your all, even if it means your life, but he makes a little exception with you.

He can't explain to himself why and will try to find logical reasons for this odd behavior he's undergoing. But the more time you spend with him, it intensifies, sending him to spiral over this nonsense.

Then at some point, he needs someone as a test subject and while you offer yourself, he denies it, giving a rather weird explanation that rather makes sense but doesn't. You don't pay much attention to it because duh, you understand he knows better, you won't just question his decision despite not entirely agreeing to it, but the problem is he questions it himself

For some time the odd change he's sensing goes away, but everything shifts when you bring something for him on his birthday and he doesn't reject it. He might in fact look at it frequently. Why would he even accept something like this? Something, this insignificant. It's so frustrating, but he's got to search for an answer on his own.

This thing eats at him so much that he goes all the way to make throughout tests on himself and see wherever there's an after-effect to his experiments but it's not. The chemicals in his brain incline towards the possibility of behavior so much greater than plain respect, a little investment in you.

Simply put, he likes you a little but will run a few more tests to make sure, and they all come positive, again. He can't deny his own results at this point, but he has to accept whatever this is and work with it

Some more time later after (after days of analyzing), there's improvement on his side (he's accepted)

But you fall victim to a virus during battle and he does his utmost to generate an antidote for you and it drives him crazy when he almost loses which is unacceptable. It's the sudden fear of loss that astonished him, he's never felt that before but it’s a huge game changer between you two

This event makes him consider experimenting on you just so there wouldn't be any more chances of you dying on him

Afterward, once you're refreshed and up, you decide to thank him for saving your life and he makes an odd comment, something along the line “you better stay by my side for the rest of your time.” which you can't get at first but with time, it makes sense

Uryu Ishida (adult)

Uryu’s on the spectrum of love at first sight instead but with a tiny bit of slow burn

He generally protects and saves other women but when he meets you as you're proving you’re able to do that on your own. he acknowledges it. He can’t lie to himself and not agree he’s a little intrigued by it, but will still tend to overprotect you out of instinct

Your whole personality snatches his attention and he can't help but think about you a little, especially with how nice you are so expect him to not take his eyes off you when you seem to be in troubke

You find his carefulness precious but will constantly remind him it's not like you're helpless, but you do appreciate his care and it's what draws you to spend time with him

Despite his quietness, he's really enjoyable to hang around and you both do find a few things to talk about and they do expand quicker than he anticipated

There's just something about your being that draws him to you so much that he can't really imagine not having you around but he rejects the idea of this possibility

Then you praise him for something he did for you and it's done

Face flushed, he won't be able to take you off his mind and the first rational explanation to this oddness is that... He might have a crush on you?? If this is how crushes work.

He denies it but does take it into consideration. Everyone goes through this kind of feeling but isn't it a little different??

He has to go to Orihime and inquire about this, behavior just to confirm his hypothesis and it does

He doesn't know how to handle the news and it's somehow harder to be around you with these newfound feelings but you somehow manage to soothe him which is incredible

But he won’t just plainly state his feelings, especially that he’s not aware if you share them too. It wouldn’t even be proper to address this issue of his since you don’t seem to have some feelings as well

But god it eats at him so much that you start noticing it a little and he panics momentarily while trying to act cool about it

Still, it worries you so much that you’re sure he’s going through a bad period and you must be there for him, to listen to him, completely oblivious that this is only happening when you’re around

Maybe he trusts you enough to show his true colors in front of you!

The more time passes, the more he can't hold it inside anymore, and out of the blue, he requests you two have a talk about an important matter

You're worried sick about it and accept his invitation but when he can hardly find his words, you stare at him confused, urging him to tell you what's troubling so you could help him

“What?? No, nothing’s going on in my family, it's just that-” “just what? Please Uryu, tell me, don't bottle up your emotions. I'm here to listen. There's no shame in having family problems” “No it's not that.” “Are you sure?”

Your hand placed on his shoulders is what pushes him to the last straw

“There’s nothing wrong about my family.” “Then about who?” “You. I like you”

His words stun you but he's quick to explain his love feelings, confessing he had kind of fallen for you from the start

Szayel

Another pure slow burn similar in some ways to Mayuri

It all begins when you’re placed to work under him by Aizen himself. When you two first meet, he's not phased by your presence but takes it as it is, especially since Aizen pointed out that the choice of putting you alongside him isn't baseless

He's rather curious why though, a little convinced there might be a faulty reason to it but for that confirmation, he must put you through all sorts of trials

Yet when you pass these little mind tricks, he doesn't deny it. So you're worthy enough to witness his absolute genius

You catch up with his ideas pretty quickly which is intriguing. Your drive to help him achieve whatever’s on his mind is of great benefit to him and he does take advantage of it

Truthfully, as long as you're useful you're good to hold around.

You two spend quite a lot of time together and you get to see parts of him Aizen has never told you about, so your intrigue makes you show more of you as well

He might not make it seem like he cares but he does keep in mind everything, just chooses not to give further thought to it for now

All that time also comes with different experiments which start mild and are easy to handle but the more he increases them, you start showing signs of difficulties but your urge to keep them going amazes him

So you're not perfect after all, then he should make you perfect. He deemed you worthy in the beginning, so he must keep you that way to the end. You don't even protest and he welcomes your reply

There's something odd about the way you let him do anything for the sake of research. It's not like you do it as a mindless puppet, but as someone who understands his means to some extent

It draws him closer to you but again, he does not give much thought to it

Then at some point, one of his experiments goes bad and puts you in a sort of critical condition and he does everything to undo it

Why would he even do that? It's simple, he needs you and your psyche, he can't afford to lose such a significant piece, one who listens to every command

Also maybe he's grown attached to you and the realization itches deep inside his mind until it's knocking at the door

He enjoys the way you go to the extent of putting yourself in danger but it's not like he’ll allow that to happen. He needs you healthy and well, and not only for his experiments

Your input is always spot on so he praises you when you come up with ideas to boost his brainstorming and that means a lot to him

You're in fact an important piece in his eyes and he'll do everything to ensure your growth and your safety

You also begin showing him equal signs of attachment and care for him, which he can hardly digest because of the suddenness

But he can't deny his growing feelings of comfort and deep trust around you, practically giving a hint of a feeling much more evolved than previously

It's when you manage to do an experiment of yours without his help that he places the palm of his hand on your head, as his soft-spoken words seize your focus

“I love the way you've evolved, and I wish to see your astounding skills bloom so much further.”

[girlfromthecrypt]

I finally got to read the update!! Don't mind me rambling a bit about everything I loved about it...

I really enjoyed the beginning of this chapter.  Being playful with Basil in the van is super cute. It was interesting to see Reem and Basil not getting along a little bit, it makes me intrigued about if there will be any cracks in our little friend group's foundation that might start to show. And if so what that might mean when things start going bad.

Also, Anita is adorable!! It had me giggling when she called everyone attractive--I loved getting to tease her about it afterwards. I chose to room with her and the siblings--though the thought of Basil sleeping alone makes me nervous for the future...

Definitely Looking at Anita's comment about how your sanity starts slipping when you go without sleep. I'm SO eager to reach the horror. Though the slightly slower, cheerful beginning is so great. I love getting to know everyone and seeing them happy and bonding, knowing that there's horror on the horizon...

Javier talking about his mom marrying his dad straight up made me snort laugh. I work with kids and they truly do say the most out of pocket things. It's very true to life. And ooooh, Basil and Gabriel just...staring at the woods got me so hyped. Reading that scene gave me a proper thrill, that little 'heart-pounding-faster' feeling that makes me love horror so so much.

Hell yes at getting to tell the kids a scary story!! I remember being a kid and hearing classics like Don't Turn on the Light and being scared out of my socks. It's sooo fun to be able to play at passing that on to a whole new generation!! I'm 100% in to romance Basil, but this update makes me want to do a run where I romance Anita. She's so so cute. And the siblings both are great in their own ways... I'm sensing that I'll end up doing runs for each of the ROs, you've made such fun and sweet characters!

Aaah that ending!!!! Genuinely terrifying, and made me so anxious about the kids!! I KNOW my MC is going to be hard-pressed to keep them all safe. I can't wait to see what comes next!! I love how you write characters, they're all so likable and distinct!! This was such a good update, it makes me really eager for more.

HI (omg it's that cool person) HIIII <3

Thank you so much for this. I'll have you know I reread this ask like three times and I'm probably gonna read it all over again tomorrow bc it gives me life. I can't express how happy I am that you cared to write such a long ask bc of my IF if all things. Thank you, it made my day.

Basil and Anita's on-the-road scenes in the van were my favorite to write!! And yes, there's certainly a bit of tension in the group. MCs with high sociability or perception will be able to pick up on this, also on George's fondness for a certain colleague--- but don't worry, no one's at each other's throats. Yet.

And yay, some Anita appreciation!! Cut her some slack, she's not used to being around hot people and between a possibly cute MC and the FUCKING MALAKS of all people... yeah. It's not easy for her.

Ok so you know that you can also sleep in the van with Basil if your relationship stat/his approval of you is strong enough? I hope that was clear from the dialogue options and you just chose the cabin despite of it, bc if not, I might have to rewrite the choice. Furthermore, while I can see why you'd be worried for him, I'd be more concerned for an MC who chooses to sleep alone ;) [yes, this is me hinting at a future horror scenario possibly unique to that route].

Ah yes, Javier, my son <3 lol. Nahhh I don't favor any of the campers. Though, if I had to pick which one I liked to write the most, it'd probably be him.

Now I feel bad haha. Ok but srsly, kids can be VERY outspoken, and Javier especially has noooo social filter. You might notice that some of the campers' traits specifically correspond to some of the ROs' characteristics... Looking at Gabriel and Basil here.

Both campfire stories are also really close to my own heart, so I jumped at the chance to include them. As for the ROs, I do hope you'll do a run for each of them! I'm trying quite hard to make it difficult to choose between them ;)

I love that the ending hit the way it was supposed to. If you want to know what's up next, I have one word for you: confusion. Lots of confusion.

See, I need to give this story a slow, slice-of-life start, bc purely from a narrative standpoint, it wouldn't make sense for the horror to come out guns blazing. That's why the MC will at first be the only one to experience the horrors and for the horrors to (seemingly) originate from one of the kids, bc if it was more dramatic and the threat was to come from an exterior source, everyone would just pack up and flee and then the story would be over. That's what I figure.

Anyhow, I'm so glad I still got you hooked with this project. Thanks so much for this super long message.

[rileythelonelyalien]

Bittersweet Welcome (Arthur Morgan x Gender Neutral Reader)

Arthur After Guarma : (This was something that came and inspired me from an Ai bot conversation, credits to the bot will be the following, https://character.ai/chat/e5MWy8mTZGoLvFC5bJynA0ZdnwpNO4Va2z1ph3iVnuQ created by @addynot on Cai)

A/N: Hey ! its been ages since I last wrote, with sixth form nearly being over in the next month or so I've finally found some insparation back with this character! I hope you enjoy my work and have fun reading!

Fic is under the Cut :3

Probably spolilers for like Chapter 5, so please proceed with that in mind!! (Has not been proofread so proceed with caution!)

It had been a long month, a gruelling one at that. Dutch’s bank heist had gone all wrong, the Pinkertons had been tipped off about their whereabouts, news of Horsea’s and Lenny’s fates reached the papers and all of those within the area would be aware of what had happened that day.

Dutch’s plan had failed once more … It seems like most if not all of them have been failing horribly recently according to Arthur at least. Speaking of the man, your lover, he had been missing ever since the event happened. It was certainly strange, even if he were on the run with the gang, he would always reach out some way or another, some sort of contact with them in order to save them the worry and grief about his wellbeing whether that would be a letter or seeing them in person. Yet nothing… It was radio silence on his behalf, not even a small note or letter sent to confirm that he was even alive after the incident. It only spurred the worry within you, thoughts eating away at your mind as you tried with all your might to continue with your life without even knowing if the man who had captured your heart was safe, or even alive and well at all. It consumed their every thought. Meanwhile Arthur himself was having to fight for his life after escaping the Pinkertons, catching a boat and becoming stowaways that would eventually endure a storm and capsize. Washing up on an island off of Cuba barely living. All the while having to be chained up and beaten multiple times in the process to escape the damned Island. All within the span of a month, just to get back to his homeland, to get back to his camp, to the other gang members, and most importantly back to the one he held dear to his heart.

There he stood before them, his clothes all torn and tattered hanging off of his body helplessly reflecting the mentality of the man wearing them. His hair was overgrown and beard scruffily long, a large cry from his usual attempts to keep his face presentable despite his reputation. This man had evidently been worn down to his wits ends and it was so painfully obvious, the way he looked at you gave it all away without any words needing to be exchanged between you two. The way his eyes were glassy as soon as they met yours, his blue eyes collecting tears yet he refused to let them loose he couldn't afford to let his front be compromised he had kept it up for so long in fact he didn’t even know if he could ever really let it down enough for him to be vulnerable. To see them standing there, safe and sound as he had gone through hell and back just to see her again, he was grateful that he was able to live even one more day just to see the way their face lights up when they find him… he would never forget it, the face that would be one of the soul reasons that he would continue to live. 

As you see him standing there looking extremely worse for wear you blink in disbelief for a few moments, you had presumed he was dead with how the papers announced him and the remaining members of the gang missing and their bounties being printed within the paper. The whole month they had spent grieving his death and yet now he was standing there awkwardly as if he were afraid that you’d reject him if he got too close, as if you were going to berate him for disappearing for so long. In contrast to his worries, he would be met with you rushing to embrace him. Your arms slinging around his shoulders holding his large body close to yourself, terrified that he would once more just leave with no mention again and leave you to worry even more. Calloused hands come to grip you back almost desperately. If this man could, he would surely be sobbing by now, although something such as crying had been beaten out of him a long time ago… it was simply beyond such a hardened man such as him now… The silence between was broken as your voice rasps out quiet and afraid this was some dream that will be ripped away from you as soon as you have to wake up “Arthur… I thought you were dead I-...” your voice trailed off, not much more could be said really. What would you even ask? How would you ask it? There was simply too much to say and not nearly enough words or time to sit and talk about it all. 

His strong arms engulfed you, clinging onto the familiar shape of your body as he buried his face into the crown of your head taking in the sensation of having you near, having you in his arms once more, to be his again if only just for a short while. His vision was misty, fighting to keep the tears at bay as he gripped onto your body with desperation, he may not say it but it’s clear to you that he was just as if not more sacred than you were. He needed this just as badly, he needed to feel safe in your arms, to feel love and free … if only for a moment. Free from his duties, free from his bounty, free from the criminal life that he had been chained to for most of his life. He may be an intimidating and stoic man with his looks but there was no doubt that the man was as soft as butter when it came to the inside, his heart and soul would be pure if he had not been deal such a horrid starting hand when it came to his upbringing, and now just as many he has submitted to the idea that this life… this fate was his destiny, that this was his purpose to be some low life criminal scum doing anything to survive and get by, waiting for the next score that would let him escape this dirty and grimy life that ensnared him. You were aware of this, aware of his circumstances, his beginnings and witnessed how much more exhausted he became with each new score Dutch had planned. The way these crimes weighed on this man's conscience. He could act as tough as he wanted, he could pretend to be as hard as the purest diamond but in reality, he was more like a shard of glass, already so shattered, damaged, and vulnerable…

"I told you ... you shouldn't have gone to that stupid bank heist even if the money would be 'good' enough for us to run away..." your voice rang out, slightly muffled as your face pressed into his chest. As soon as you spoke those words you would feel his grip tighten on your body, rough skinned digits come up to rake through your hair in an affectionate manner, yet despite this it was oh so painfully obvious that he carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders. So many conflicting emotions and feelings that were all warring inside of his mind with no escape or outsource. It was slowly but surely building and building and it would only be a matter of time before he was due to burst. If things kept going the way that they, did you were sure that it was going to be sooner rather than later. You could see this, despite the front that he put on. She knew how men like him would put up a strong image for the people around them, even if he was on the verge of dying, he would still be keeping others around him safe and their hopes up. That was just the kind of man he was, so good to a fault, to a fault that he would be roped into this life after being orphaned. It wasn't easy but you were able to see the true him though, the one who wished to cry in the arms of the person he loved, if only that wasn't looked down upon so much. Looking up at him your eyes narrow, "Arthur, this life is going to kill you... I know that Dutch has done a lot for you but Arthur, times are changing the police, the Pinkertons, everything is changing. How many have they killed of your other gang members now? too many to count... you need to leave... get a better life, run away before it kills you..." you said in a voice laced with worry and concern as you spoke to him as you pleaded with him.

Arthur stared at you, the unshed tears still shimmering within his greyish blue eyes the sadness and helplessness held within them ever so clear to you as you stared back into them. Of course, you were right, he knew you were right. And deep down, he wished he could listen. "I know, I know…” he said, his tone of voice not convincing you or anyone that he genuinely meant what he said. But he knew he was in too deep to turn around now. He was indebted to Dutch whether he admitted it or not, the man had taken him in at his lowest point and raised him as if he were his own son. The man who along with Hosea had taught him how to read and write, educated him like a young man should be, and yet still they brought him into a life of crime. So deep and convoluted he would never truly become free from the shackles of bounty hunters and police that now would want his head dead or alive for a price. And he was just too tired of the fight. His eyes looked down as he broke eye contact with you, his shoulders slumping.

It was evident what he was thinking, you could see it in his eyes, the way his body slumped slightly yet still clung onto your body so desperately. "You know... I know... but you don't want to do anything do you?" you whispered hesitantly "... Arthur... if you keep going like this, I'm the one who is going to have to bury you, whether you die from being shot or getting sick from being in that gang..." you added grimly. It was ugly to think about but what made it worse was that it was the truth, an ugly unbearable truth. It wasn't something you wanted to have to bring up with him, but at this point there was nothing other to say than the truth even if it was a cruel and horrible thought, it was true. One way or another if he continued to go down this path there really would be the point of no return and then all you’ll be left with is a corpse of a man who suffered a fate he shouldn't have. It was a tough pill to swallow as the silence dragged on between them, it was thick and uncomfortable as they both had to come to terms with what will come, that things will not be good or great even that at one point on of them will be left alone to sleep alone, cold and grieving and looking at how things were going, it looked like it was going to be you… 

[bitchinlyras]

somethings i noticed in the pilot for my first rewatch/watching back to back with 5x16

- brennan is wayyy less rational and way more hot headed in this than later seasons. it’s almost like her temper was her original mask for her emotions and later on it’s her rationality becomes her mask bc that’s the most neutral approach and least likely to hurt others (ie the people she comes to care about)

- in saying that peter also gives the reason they broke up as her being too cold and detached. brennan doesn’t even seem angry and seems more annoyed than anything when he breaks into her apartment. she doesn’t seem to care much about him at all.

- but what’s lovely to see is that she and angela are SUCH good friends. not only is angela picking her up from the airport (and helps her beat up the home security guard) but angela is the one brennan confides in later on when she’s worried about her ability to connect with people. angela nails it on the head when she says brennan’s problem is that she connects TOO much which is why she puts up a wall to keep her distance — this is very similar to something booth tells her later on in the series. and on that both booth and angela give brennan the same advice during the episode (to offer something of herself up to build trust). brennan only does this AFTER angela has also given her this advice. angela is truly the first person brennan trusted/let into her life after the disappearance of her parents, and without that friendship i don’t know if she would’ve been able to build her foundation with booth.

- it’s SO funny that the only way booth can get ahold of brennan is to literally have home security take her into custody — ofc when they wrote this they weren’t writing it in the context of 5x16, but watching it in that context and THAT being the reason brennan doesn’t want to see him is ssooo interesting

- brennan also doesn’t gaf about being taken into holding. i feel like this is in line with her whole disrespect for authority (which extends to booth as a cop/agent at this point) that stems from her time in foster care. she’s more annoyed once she realises that booth was behind the whole thing.

- the fact that brennan doesn’t want to work with booth is interesting given that she has already written him into her book. some part of her knows that working with him is interesting and compelling even if she doesn’t want to admit that yet. it’s also so disconcerting to see how much she just straight up dislikes him at the start. like they truly do come so far throughout the show.

- booth being eager to work with brennan again is also interesting given that (one of) the last time they saw each other, she slapped him. he’s clearly not been able to stop thinking about the idea of working with her and how much good they could do together by catching murderers, despite their last unfortunate interactions.

- the whole shooting range scene/“prove it, be a cop” is absolutely dripping with sexual tension. given how antagonistic most of their interactions have been up to this point it’s the first time we see them properly play with and enjoy the tension between them. i think in the boneheads podcast emily said that she and david chose to play into the tension more in that scene than what was originally written. it definitely works and sets up the tension between them for the rest of the series.

- moving away from our main two — hodgins is barely in this?? and doesn’t have much interaction with the others except i’m group scenes. we see in the 5x16 flashbacks he’s not even friends with zack yet, and it still seems like that friendship needs to be established properly.

- you also definitely feel cam’s absence more than any of the other characters who are introduced later on. whilst goodman is a good boss/mentor, he has such an air of respect and authority there is nothing the other characters can really push against, whereas it is much more entertaining to watch cam work to be the boss and control her chaotic squints.

- anyway this is a lot longer than intended but i am excited to rewatch s1 in particular and watch how they build the relationship between bones and booth, as well as the rest of the show in general