#and i just lose it. just start CRYING.
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i actually cant listen to i'm not calling you a liar except once every 3 months because the immediate emotions dragged out of me cannot be contained by my flesh prison
#the way i immediately go back to the ending of da2 and start fucking bawling like a baby. it's too much. unsanctioned personal attacks#IT HURTS SO MUCH. the moment i hear the first words i get choked up#just brings me back to having accidentally killed a bunch of my companions because i triggered the final quest too early and#was underlevelled and my approval wasnt high enough and i didnt understand what was HAPPENING and i was just sitting there. shell-shocked.#i had destroyed everything that ever loved me. and everything that ever loved me had left me. and then this fucking songs starts playing#and i just lose it. just start CRYING.#it's so much!!!!!
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People who say Connor/ Ratonhnaké:ton is the most serious assassin or that he has a really flat personality are flat out lying. Literally in the gameplay when you call on the assassin recruits and they are injured if you press B as if to loot them HE REACHES DOWN and asks them if they are alright WHILE HOLDING THEIR HAND. I keep thinking about it, it's the sweetest thing I've seen in these games. HE IS ACTUALLY WORRIED ABOUT HIS RECRUITS, (his friends). I mean the whole Homestead thing proves it and all but outside of that. Idk it's just stuck to me, like he really actually cares.SOMEBODY put that in the game, somebody thought of it, others agreed and they added that. Let's not forget he also has his hood off when he enters the Homestead, he finally feels safe. Like, he lost his tribe, his people and then they created A WHOLE ASS FLAG for themselves, they defend each other and stuff. And like, he created that, he made his own family and got involved with everyone in their own way. I just idk, idk man....he...he cares.....
#And dont get me started on the Washington DLC#did you see him when he appears???''#he wakes up and goes “MOM?!”#AND JUST GOES IN FOR A HUG#what if i cried right now#NO BUT IMAGINE WAKING UP AND BEING SURROUNDED BY EVERYTHING YOU LOST IN YOUR CHILDHOOD#AND THEN HE GOES AND LOSES HER AGAIN#and then he goes “well here we go again” and all his hopes are gone#im not crying YOU ARE crying#assassin's creed#assassins creed#assassins creed iii#connor kenway#ratonhnhaké:ton
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You know, whenever I see the discussions around Jack Marston possibly getting drafted in world war one, I can't help but physically ache at the thought of it.
Jack Marston, born into a gang that honoured freedom above everything, forced to sacrifice everything he has left for war.
Jack Marston, a boy who read about knights and soldiers, now forced to become one in another fight he never asked for.
Jack Marston, raised to be away from a life of violence, but now the world has found a way to drag him back in.
No matter what happens, Jack would have to face a really tragic dilemma. Does he go to war and sacrifice the legacy of freedom he was raised with? The life his family died for? Or refuse and be labeled a criminal, putting his parents to shame and repeating the same cycle his father went through?
It just tragically mirrors the struggle he’s always had - trying to find his own identity outside the legacy of John Marston, and the violence that came with it. But he's being pulled back in, no matter what he chooses.
He was never made for the violence that shaped his parents' life.
#he's just a boy who loved books and animals and picking flowers and fishing he doesn't deserve to be a product of war again#it makes me cry thinking about it#he was a child full of joy and whimsy. then a young boy who preferred reading over hunting. then a young man who had just lost his parents#and he was all alone#and forced to make a choice that denies him his autonomy#watching jack lose his spark over the course of rdr2 and rdr1 as he grows up eats at me#and when people mistake him for his father in rdr1 I actually start sobbing#oh jack#i'm so sorry#mick squeaks#mick thinks#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption#rdr1#jack marston#john marston#abigail roberts#arthur morgan#red dead redemption community#red dead redemption 2 spoilers
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I can’t stop thinking about Loop. Imagine doing everything, anything, to get out of a traumatic situation but the price is you. Your body is gone, your name is gone, your family doesn’t recognize you, you feel like most of your memories of them are gone too anyway. Suddenly you’re denied your identity. It’s like YOU never existed… and someone else took your place. You, whose biggest fears are forgetting and being forgotten in turn. You, who’s hesitant to change and now you’re forced to. You can’t even really blame anyone else because you did get your wish, right?
It’s explained clearly in the game, but the implications of it just hit me extra hard sometimes. Siffrin is as much of a study of Loop as Loop is of Siffrin. They share(d) their fears too so mal du pays words essentially becoming the truth to Loop is just… 🪨🪨🪨🙁🙁🙁💥💥💥💥
What do you do when all you have is ripped from you, all your worst fears come true, and youre forced to just… come to terms with it?
#isat spoilers#isat loop#2hats spoilers#shaking you by the shoulders#i love siffrin and loop so much#’’wkb’’ consider: i am new and also stupid#yes ive KNOWN but i didint really GET it yk? like how horrifying losing you self is#they make me die#postgame loop makes it hit extra hard bc ppl are partially defined by their experiences#the longer siffrin and loop exist as separate the more they diverge#that must be TERRIFYING. to an extent to both of them#of course they’ll always have many similarities as they started as the same person but like#loop is just despair au siffrin#<- specifying postgame fics that explore loops identity bc canon had them fade out#which i love btw delightful angst i love everyones takes on loop#in stars and time#isat#i think genuinely in Loop’s shoes as someone who’s also hesitant to change: if I didn’t cry 24/7#i’d be clinging into who i was and still want to be in some ways. but as i’d heal i’d probably want to be distinct#like im me and always will be me but i want what i experienced to not be a footnote. i dont want to be a mirror#’’i am who that family loved but im also someone new’’ yk? its so hard to battle with those two opposites of ’’im []’’ & ’’im not YOUR []’
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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something about the idea of gojo dying hurts more than like…any other character death / potential character death i’ve ever encountered because there’s always so much hope centered around him. like everyone’s always just been assured that he’s the strongest that you’re just like. well. this was supposed to be the one that definitely made it out :,)
#i can’t sleep i got all sad again and#started crying bc like#just when is there a single moment for him to just#have his moment 🥲#he’s always losing when it counts#gege u fucking abysmal individual#i literally cannot fathom hating ur own character this much#jjk leaks#jjk 236
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"Back when you first came into my life, I recalled a place that I knew as a child A special place One that I held close to my heart Won’t you lead me in a dance down this winding road where light and shadow entwine to take hold of the thoughts of the one left far behind? Know that, sometimes, I want to turn around and see the things that I’ve passed on the journey, but know with love on my side, with courage and pride, I’ll fight I will carry on"
R.I.P. Akira Toriyama
#Akira Toriyama#Dragon Ball#dragonball#dbz#dragon ball GT#Goku#I haven't seen that stupid fcking show for like 17yrs why the hell am i crying??#like damn#I started watching it when I was 5#and then it became the first show that I saw to the end#Dragon Ball GT being the first series finale that I've ever experienced#i remember it being so weird as a child to lose something you've had for so long#for years I've been rushing home back from school to be able to see it on TV#...and then decades later seeing that everyone in the world was obsessed with it#it wasn't just my silly little kid show#like everyone under 50 know about Goku#as someone else said he really be up there with Sherlock Holmes Dracula and other legendary characters#What a legacy Akira Toriyama Thank you
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slight warning about spoilers for the fontaine update, mainly just about neuvillette so like be warned ig—but anyways—
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you know how ppl say dragons hoard treasure and shit and will gift them to the one they love as a way to ask them out? and and you know how it’s basically canon that neuvillette is the hydro dragon??
cause i just recently had a dream where neuvillette keeps dropping his trinkets into the tip jar at your work and you and your coworkers have no idea what the hell those things are
you find so many things; small charms, tiny gems, rings—literally anything precious-looking will show up in that jar by the end of your shift, yet none of you know what to do with them
meanwhile neuvillette is just rushing out of the cafe/restaurant/shop/whatever with shaky hands and a fast beating heart. his mind keeps racing with thoughts overlapping one another with various questions like “will you like it?”, “was he being too bold?”, etc.
it’s not until he runs into someone (like furina or a melusine) that they point out 2 major flaws in his plan: did you even know that he’s the one leaving them behind? and did you know that they were meant to be gifts for you?
just just someone plz say they understand where i’m getting at here my brain has become dumb
#OH MY GOD AND IMAGINE THE MELUSINES HELPING OUT TOO#THEY START LEAVING TRINKETS BEHIND TOO AS A WAY TO HELP DIRECT YOU TO HIM#i just ugh#i love him so much#i’m def losing 50/50 but i will cry if i don’t gain him or wriotheslay TwT#imagine furina telling him that his plans sucks outside and immediately the two get drenched in rain 💀#plume rambles#but also not really#genshin#genshin impact#neuvillette fluff#neuvillette#neuvillette x reader#neuvillette x you#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin imagines#genshin fluff#genshin impact fluff#genshin x you#genshin headcanons#x reader
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"about every two weeks, the last speaker of a language dies"
#language#linguistics#nearly started crying mid lecture#and like. it's not the first time I've heard this#I cited info like this myself for a presentation just last week#but like. head in hands#we are losing so much...going 2 cry...
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I just imagined Belos preaching to a crowd of witches while baby Collector is hanging from his chest in a baby harness
the idea that hes preaching about the Titans will or some shit while theres like. a whole ass baby on his chest is so funny xd
#the owl house#toh#toh fanart#the collector#collector toh#collector fanart#emperor belos#belos toh#philip wittebane#philip toh#belos fanart#toh au#baby collector au#im losing my shit over this#like he just stops midway because collector starts crying#and continues on like nothing happened#unironically im imaging that like#the witches that are listening are thinking#'wow this guy is good with kids!!!!!! surely hes saying this for the good of us'#dear lord i love this au
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cute bad ass
#vee queued to fill the void#taking a moment away from the kuukou deep dive brainrot to do some kuukou simping instead lol#as always lol arb beat me to drawing kuukou feeding animals myself#but if kuukou feeds the elderly and has candy in his pockets for children (highkey for himself too lol)#you can bet your ass he’d feed the strays that visit his temple or share his sardines with froggies on the side of the road 😭😭😭😭#crying over that sudden scratch card where a new cat comes to visit his temple and kuukou can tell it was a new visitor 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#he doesn’t name them but i think it would be very funny if kuukou decided to name the cats visiting his temple after buddhist gods lol#orange tabby: *meows at kuukou for a snack*#kuukou: yooooo jogaishou bosatsu!!!!!!!!!! what’s up it’s been forever want some of my shitty dad’s tofu??????? :D#😌😌😌😌 and then on the flip side it’s page that haunts my every waking moment LOL#kuukou is so fcking COOL lol even when he loses you get the sense he never lost lol#i’m tempted to just start screaming for five straight tags but to quell that urge lmao#i’m going to make this about ichikuu lmao remember how ichiro in ohayo ikebukuro said he likes strong people who never lose lol????#they ended that bat vs mtr battle with the comment from jakurai i think that this battle didn’t feel like it was their victory#which means kuukou hasn’t truly lost so that makes him even more of ichiro’s type—
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I am filled with HATE and SORROW y'all know how like Nurm is my favourite character my number 1 guy out of any piexe of media ever I love him dearly which sucks cause he's pretty unpopular but whatever whatever. N I'm like "man I really want to see some new Nurm content but everything I find I've either seen before or I created ☹️" and then I. I go on tiktok and I KEEP seeing edits that start with a clip with Nurm in them and then haha surprise it's actually a Petra edit!! Cause it's ALWAYS PETRA GOD DAMN IT and I love her. I love Petra so much. She is a fabulous character but ohm y god I am tweaking. I genuinely started crying y'all I am not sane nor normal. I'm so normal about him. Oh my good god I am going insane I am 💥💥💥💥
#I envy people who's favourite characters are like. Lukas or Petra or Jesse. Y'all don't know how good you have it#At least I can confidently say I'm one of Nurm's biggest fans. You guys can't say that without a fight breaking out aha ha#HRGAHSBSJSJSNNSN#Actually losing it#Scampering about#Ignore this I'm just#ARG 💥💥💥💥#No cause I saw a post that was super funny but the screenshot used had like. Nurm's left leg in the foregriund and I started tearing up#My period is coming I can sense it there's no other explanation for this madness#Is somebody gonna match my freak? (Going genuinely feral for a guy with like 2 fans)#I don't know the term for this attachment. Cause it's not a normal person thing I'm 90% sure it's the autism#But I don't know enough about villagers to consider this a special interest and it's too long to be a hyper fixation#(even though I am very fixated and it is tearing me up inside)#This is why I tweak so bad in the tags of Nurm art sometimes I genuinely start crying g and scratching my phone like a rabbit animal#Rabid not rabbit.#minecraft story mode#mcsm#mcsm nurm#nurm mcsm#There are no emojis nor words that accurately depict my current state#I'm normal I'm normal I swear please I'm normal
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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i had a free period and decided to continue my reread of acswy and i cant stop kicking my feet i just finished chapter 4
chapter 4.................what a time in our lives
#asks#when i hit upload at 3 am and then immediately started giggling bc i knew everyone was about to lose their mind#and then i promptly lost my mind and started crying bc i had been writing for like 12 hours straight .#good times <3#ch04#do i still have to tag for ch04 spoilers. i will anyway just to be kind#acswy spoilers
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he's so important to me
#i guess i need to watch the anime but super's manga has just been a self-indulgent fever dream for me from start to finish#100000/10 absolutely perfect so validating so extremely catered to my tastes and headcanons and analyses and humor#so fucking funny and emotional and intense and goofy and beautifully drawn#my beautiful son getting to finally fucking see his HARD won character growth fucking shine and choose love and choose to be loved!!!!!!#Goku just being Goku Vegeta being Team Dad Piccolo being Team Grandpa Bulma being a fucking superstar keeping everybody organized and fed#god i love this squad i love this series i love these dumbasses and their struggles and their triumphs and their stupid childish bonding#I love that Toriyama just spent the last several years reminding the class that DB as a whole has always been an ACTION-COMEDY about LOVE#and I'm SO sad that the z anime really never did it justice in that sense because of having to fill time with dramatic tension but god. GOD#THE MANGA HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO CLEAR ON THAT THESIS.#Just all about Restorative Justice and Community and CARING even when you wish SO MUCH that you didn't care but yoU DO GODDAMMIT!!!#SUCH a great series I'm so sad it took losing mr t for me to finally read it but my god I needed to read it now and I'm so glad he wrote it#and i'm SO glad he wrote it Exactly Like This#once again rip to a legend i'm caught up and crying it's so perfect it's SO everything I've wanted to see onscreen and embedded in canon#and canon isn't everything but it still feels gREAT to be SO 1:1 on the same page with an author re: how you interpret your blorbo yknow???#been rotating this man in my head for 25 years and Mr Toriyama just mWAH kissed me on the forehead about it#anyway enough tag rambles I'm off again aklsjla#bonus for that kenpachi shit and letting him say 'sorry dude I can't be cold and numb anymore but this is still cathartic as fuck lol' like#mr t i hope you see the HIGHEST tier of heaven for that (and obviously for like everything all of it the whole life you led)#dbtag
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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