#and i just feel like crying. i have things i need to do but cant get myself to do them. (tumblr keeps crashing?).

[abbyslev]

hEEEY can u please write hange and reader having a heated argument (ANGST ANGST PLS🤲🤲)

a/n: you must want everyone here to suffer LMAO

Hange pushed the plate into the sink, a loud slam echoing through your ears.

“baby, i know you’re exhausted, but could you please stop slamming things?” you placed your plate in the sink, turning on the warm water. “i didn’t slam anything.” they muttered, walking into the bathroom. “yes you did. i’m not going to ask you again, you’re not a child.” you replied, the warm water slowly burning your hands.

this week had been tense. eren was running everyone’s patience and your home had been ruined. you couldn’t turn a corner without more news about eren. everyone was on alert. you had lost so many of your friends, and being a nurse, putting your friends in a body bag was the last thing you wanted to see.

“can’t breathe around here.” you heard hange mumble. you set down the plate, drying your hands as you walk into the bathroom, leaning into the door frame. they had their jacket shrugged off, leaving them in their tank top. “i’m sorry, if there’s an issue, i’d like for you to tell me about it instead of mumbling away. it’s childish.” you cross your arms.

“i wasn’t mumbling if you could hear it.” hange huffed, taking the hairstyle out. their short hair fell around their face, messy and tangled. “please do not start with me.” you stared at them. “i don’t know what your issue is. i didnt slam anything, i didnt do anything. i don’t know why you’re trying to start something.” they leaned against the counter, staring down at you.

“you barely ate dinner today. you come home late as hell, you don’t even sleep in the bed anymore. you’d rather be in the office and sleep there, you barely even touch me. you don’t talk to me anymore. its a rough time for everyone, but you can’t just take it out on me. that’s what i’m here for, i’m here for you, hange.” you soften your voice, tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

“i’m sorry i don’t want to be suffocated all the time. i hear enough about people dying, i dont need you to tell me each and every person we lost. do you think im happy? do you think i should be happy in the world we live in? for fucks sake, you can’t fix everything!” Hange slammed their hand down, breaking the small wooden box that held your jewelry. you jump back, collecting yourself quickly.

“you think im happy? you think i want to live like this? putting my friends in bags, delivering their uniforms to their families? i don’t know what i would do if anyone brought me your uniform. i’d lose myself. i’m not happy here, but i’m trying. i’m trying to control what i can, and that’s how i feel. i ask that you take stuff easy on yourself.” you shake, cries leaving your chest. “i know i cant fix everything. i cant even save people.”

“well then maybe you should just stay out of the way.” hange pushed past you, walking into the bedroom. “why are you being so mean?” you follow them, wiping your face. “it’s reality.” hange sighed, grabbing their glasses off the night stand. “please don’t go back there. i want you to sleep here tonight.” you held their wrist. “i want one night. that’s all i ask for.” you whisper.

hange shook you off, walking right into the office. “fine! do whatever you want! i’m fucking sick of it, i’m sick of having to beg for what i want, i’m tired of it. i’m tired of you.” you cry after them, grabbing your coat off the rack, swinging open the door.

that was the last time hange had seen you. levi brought your uniform to their doorstep a week later.

[angy-grrr]

thoughts:

Himiko Toga never chose a villain name because she has always been the monster and demon for others, internalizing it. But also because she isnt trying to be someone else, but proudly show herself and her love -AFO exploited this to reaffirm the previous, so she never even realized she could give her blood for others.

Ochako Uraraka's goal and arc isn't finished until we see a few main points: "who will save heroes?" A discussion about heroism and saving, and I wouldnt be too surprised if saving villains also come up here as a developed version of the first. They are all people, and that's what matters over their assigned roles. "Himiko Toga". Where is she? Ochako's arc can't be finished until we see or hear what ended up happening. "What does she feel about it all?" She needs a resolution and express her feelings, and with the hiding she has done recently I cant help but wonder even more about Himiko's state, as she is the person who makes Ochako feel safe enough to talk about her thoughts. And lastly"You like him, dont you?" What will happen with her love for Izuku? Is she going to hide it, confess, talk about it more with Himiko? I still think about "the reveal" during her fight with her, and her hair covering her whole face... It could be because she "needs" to tell and show her whole face to Izuku*. I would prefer it another way tho

*She said she admires Himiko for being able to say her feelings and love who she does with her whole face, if I remember correctly, while remembering an Izuku who is looking somewhere (someone?) else smiling. I believe its important that she doesnt have her face shown there, but we still dont have a clear reason why. Is she just not able to show that love to Himiko because she hasn't shown Izuku first? Is it because she no longer feels it? In the next panel she says shes now going to stop her, we can see her face, and her mouth is covered in blood. Is it because their battle was never about him? Because she is ashamed of those feelings? Because she doesn't want to engage in them?

With chapter 425 taking us by surprise because of her first interaction with Midoriya after the war, I prefer to think she has her hair covering her face because she still can't be honestly herself with him. Partially? Yes completely, but she can't tell him her feelings like with Himiko.

I hope she expresses her feelings to the class, to her parents, her friends, the civilians... but I really don't think a confession to him and him only would solve anything.

She doesn't want or can't chase him and his feelings like with Himiko; Izuku is acting weird, upset about many things, and she doesn't see that, im sure she would have tried to help if she actually knew. Even tho she looks around to find a crying Himiko, she doesn't try to do the same now, and in fact rejects it; she decided her feelings are not for him or others to see, at least at the moment.

So how does Hori plan to change this in such little time? Is Izuku going to chase after her, when thats what he has always done with everything he wants? Doesn't he deserve to be chased back? Doesnt she deserve the right to decide how much of herself she wants to reveal to him? Or mourn the loss in her own terms, in case Toga's dead or she thinks she is?

With her feelings for both Midoriya and Toga she has tried to put heroism first, focus only on that; with the first one because she fails at her goals and just blindly imitates him without finding herself, and the second one because she shouldn't feel that way and questions herself over those quite frequently.

I have no idea if Horikoshi plans to make her put her feelings first for him over heroism like she did with her -risking it and acting against what a hero "should" do so they can both just be Himiko Toga and Ochako Uraraka.

I have no idea, but it would make me so sad if he did.

EDIT:

In chapter 424 we see Shoto first in the hospital, when the narration explains things cant be as simple as Deku thought as a kid. Then Ochako appears, with her arm over her stomach probably thinking about her fight. It can't end so easily, and I wouldnt be surprised if chapter 427 or 428 was about them.

Fun thought: what if Himiko is the one about to see Spinner? jkjkjk. It could be cute tho.

[rdng1230]

Your post has me desperately needing a bucktommy/saltommy edit to mitski’s washing machine heart but continuing on because ✨pain✨

Anyways because i need more angst do you think sal ever thinks about that night and wishes he had stayed. Had had the courage to whisper words in the daylight instead of moon light. Do you think he’s happy for Tommy when he sees him with Buck but goes home and brings out the old whiskey bottle because he cant stand to look in the mirror because he’s scared what might stare back at him, scared to accept both of them moved on but a part of them both will always be tangled under those sheets under a night sky and lost promises.

(Honestly i gotta quit getting drunk and writing shit at 1:30 in the morning ignore this if ya want to)

ya know I wish I had the patience to become a good video editor, but I honestly fear the monster I would become. I am also chronically bad at remembering song names so I had to Spotify that one real quick and as soon as that little electronic beat came on I was like “oh fuck it’s THAT ONE” I see you anon, I see your vision.

on to the actual answer. There’s two nights you could be talking about so I guess we’re doing double trouble angst on this fine evenin’

Toxic Sal Tommy version with the bad call and the bottoming and the being a fucker afterwards? I think that version of Sal is a lot more terrified of the idea of wanting to be taken care of rather than letting tommy love him specifically. And also just the fear of being truly known, no cocky arrogant mask, no hierarchy, just a guy who is *deeply* affected by the horrors of his job and for one night let’s those wounds be seen. I don’t think this version of Sal truly loved Tommy, I think he profoundly trusted tommy, and that scared the shit out of him which is why he lashed out and ended it. I don’t think seeing Buck and Tommy together specifically would affect him. I think just seeing Tommy as he is now, such an open person who’s honest and doesn’t hide, I think that’s what would haunt Sal the most. I also think his behavior is a repetitive pattern. It’s a matter of 2 steps forward 3 steps back. He finds someone he can bond with, eventually builds a trust, let’s them in for the briefest of encounters, and blows it up again. Rinse lather repeat.

ok doomed lovers Saltommy? Dear god. I think so much of his decision to go into Tommy’s room that night is wrapped up in about 10 layers of guilt at probie’s death, shame at wanting comfort for something he thinks he caused, desire because that pounding in his chest that happens only around Tommy has become undeniable, and just wanting someone there to share the grief with. And even with the crushing tide of all those negative emotions, being in Tommy’s arms for the first time is still one of the best nights of his life.

But the rest of their relationship? That’s the part he truly aches over. He knows the way things ended hurt Tommy deeply, and all the hurt was avoidable if Sal had just admitted his own cowardice, that he knew he was going to hold Tommy back and that it was for the best he leave Sal behind. But instead he let that resentment of Tommy’s bravery build up inside him and made Tommy feel like he was doing something wrong or that Sal just didn’t love him. He used Bobby, a man he knew deep down was right to call him out, to place himself in exile, finally giving Tommy the freedom Sal couldn’t bear to give him himself.

when he sees the picture in the paper he spends the day letting himself cry in a way he never has before. He cries for the dead probie, he cries for all the people he hurt because he couldn’t stand their vulnerabilities, he cries because he knows the man he loves is truly lost to him. He genuinely does feel better after letting it all out and he ends up resolving himself that even though they’d never be together, he should have the decency to tell Tommy it was never his fault, and that all those things he’d said when their romantic relationship ended were completely untrue. so he writes that down in a letter. Tommy’s moved since they cut contact, so he decides to deliver the letter to harbor station in person.

when he gets there he’s surprised to see the 118 kid clearly bringing Tommy lunch. Sal stands just out of sight but he catches their conversation. He realizes Evan Buckley is already fixing all the pieces of Tommy’s heart that Sal broke. And that knowledge makes Sal happier and sadder than anything else ever has.

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[flamboyant-king]

Howdy, I'm still alive. Not many drawings lately, but a lot of ling fun time. I just wanted to share my crafts hehe

My niece had fun playing with the ling plushies, I taught her about the goolings, and she drew Wiwi a couple times. I made her a Wiwi plushie and I'm gonna make a Lewling and a Hoardling too since she really wants her own. Makes me happy. That's what they're made for to make folks happy.

But sewing is so tedious 😵‍💫

[kil9]

everyone agrees that the patriarchy teaches men to hide their emotions, and that this is a bad thing, so why is it that when men actually show an emotion everyone jumps to call him an abuser or manipulator or whatever :\

[bunnihearted]

sometimes i truly do feel so isolated and alienated because even if people on here are lonely and sad they still have friends and partners and they're capable of having jobs and getting educations ... and im like ok wow im like actually the only one who doesn't just "feel" those things but also is completely worthless and insignificant. cool 👍

[suckishima]

Chapter 158 vs. Chapter 298

“I am under no illusions that I could ever beat you on my own.”

(don’t mind me going insane under the cut)

ugh there’s two big things that make me crazy about this and 

1 is the surface level of just how yamaguchi’s individual growth keeps going even after the seijoh 2 match—when he gets those run of points and it becomes clear to us that his hard work has paid off—but it doesn’t just stop there! the first panels here are from the shiratorizawa match, the next match after seijoh 2, and i love this bc it’s another example of haikyuu saying “hey so that thing you wanted, you worked hard, you earned it, celebrate!” but then going on to ask “okay so what do we work for next?” and for yamaguchi he’s gone from ‘i just want to be on the court with them’ (deciding to learn jump floats) to ‘i wish i could get my body to listen to me the way theirs seem to’ (failing in siejoh 1 and doubling down during tokyo training camp) to the first panels here ‘i want to contribute/add value to the team’ to then finally the panels from the nekoma match where he can do more than just help, now it’s ‘i want all those things and more. i’m going to get these points with the team and for the team, all with my serve.’ and he DOES! like the GROWTH in his confidence!! aahh

and 2!! this is where i start to really lose it lmao, is his inspiration for all of that! why does yamaguchi play volleyball? because he thinks volleyball is cool. why is it cool? bc tsukki plays and tsukki is cool, and akiteru played and akiteru is cool, right? but is that enough?? by the time high school comes maybe it isn’t, bc of everything that’s happened and he’s a little disenchanted, but then he hears hinata and kageyama’s “as long as i’m here you’re invincible” and he thinks oh sHIT that’s cool! but he doesn’t have that kind of confidence, and he isn’t a setter or really a hitter, he’s barely even a server at this point—the only position on the court where you could gain points entirely alone—but THEN he also sees and understands the significance of a perfectly executed serve and block and he thinks not only is that ALSO super cool, but he realizes if he can get better he can do that super cool thing not just for himself, but for the team and more specifically, for tsukki. 

yamaguchi sees hinata and kageyamas totally insane, reciprocal declaration of making the other better and he starts to get mad at tsukki for not trying. because volleyball is cool, making each other stronger is cool, and tsukki is supposed to be cool too!! and instead of giving up, yamaguchi puts tsukki in his place and then yamaguchi just keeps trying even harder!! and his hard work and dedication is perplexing to tsukki. it’s frustrating bc he can’t understand it yet but he also can’t deny the fact that it certainly isn’t lame. yamaguchi’s passion has never been lame, and then tsukki starts to get inspired too. slowly it begins to cycle, and spiral upwards. yamaguchi took the first initiative to seek out shimada, tsukki joins his brothers practices and agrees to train with the gym 3 boys, yamaguchi has his ‘moment’ when he gets all those points in seijoh 2, tsukki has his when he stuffs ushijima (and neither of them is surprised by either of those moments!! of course they work they’ve been watching has paid off), and then by the time the nekoma match comes up yamaguchi’s confidence has grown tremendously, he gets an ace immediately after those panels and thennn he and tsukki execute their first successful serve and block. the volleyball equivalent of a perfect play. 

we never see yamaguchi and tsukki practice together, and yet separately they’ve been working toward this, silently inspiring each other over and over. individual work but not only individual growth. tsukki tells kuroo he never ever thought he could beat any of them on his own. in his own way, yamaguchi’s actions have made tsukki invincible too. and  kuroo and tsukki also both acknowledge that yamaguchi is already a step ahead once again, planning how he can do even more, starting the cycle another time. they keep passing the inspiration back and forth, connecting one volleyball moment to the next to drive the other to keep working, keep trying for even more!!!!! aaaaaahh

[jkpng]

currently thinking abt surprise hidden track Letter. with surprise jungkook background vocals. and how insane i felt abt a tiny shred of bg vocals . and how those tiny background vocals are the only thing in jks solo era to have an emotional impact on me

[juni-ravenhall]

ppl drawing comics being like ohh my story is so serious and psychological and about humanity and being alive and my characters are unique with their own unique problems (doesnt draw any fat people. draws 1 fat person and they are a cringe creep. draws 1 fat person and theyre a joke. only draws a few old people fat who arent important to the story nor meant to be cool or attractive. all the unique psychological philosophical characters are skinny and pale skinned. the most important ones are blond and blue eyed)

[crystalis]

i feel sad about not belonging anywhere and being small/invisible and like.. idk who i am

i feel really regretful of my life but idk what to do or how to change anything

or i mean i know what i need to do but i feel like i cant or im too scared .. and lately ive been frustrated with myself bc ive been experiencing that "trapped inside my head" feeling really intensely where idk how to speak to articulate thoughts and it feels painful

[sparrowposting]

my gaming pc is just????? shot to hell???? IDK WHAT HAPPENED ive been trying every fix i know for the past 3 hours to NO avail and it's like

at this point i might have to take it in but idek WHERE to take it, i bought it custom in 2020, and i have fairly decent knowledge and have taken it apart and reassembled it, but whatever this is, is beyond my ability to diagnose\

i am truly just. SO upset. i would gladly welcome an asshole mainsplaining techbro into my home rn if he could FIX THIS without my having to spend a zillion dollars and play the anxiety waiting game for a professional diagnosis

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D

me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening

[aropride]

one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????

[daydadahlias]

WAIT WHERES MIM?!?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU’LL RELEASE THAT ONE AGAIN PLEASE

I need you guys to understand that the reason I took down my stuff was for my own peace of mind because they're my stories and i started feeling unsafe having them out because of how they - and I - were being treated.

absolutely nothing is wrong with mim and I love that fic and I care so much about it which is why - for my peace of mind - i want it to belong to only me rn. I know the fic was only out a month after i finished it and that really upsets me about taking it down. i want to reupload it because i know people like the fic and i love sharing my stuff but also there's that level of how much the fic matters to me and how much more devastating it makes it when people are cruel. and how much it hurts when I, as the creator of something, am treated like I don't matter at all and that my stuff can so easily be stolen or copied. like, it's an extension of me, yknow? You can't separate content and creator in such a small and intimate sphere as fandom. like, you guys all use my first name when referring to me, yknow?? there's that sense of connection. and since it's such an intimate space, having that trust be betrayed or disrespected is so much more potent than if we were in a large fandom with a lot of creators.

the fear of having MiM copied is really immense and real for me rn and i know that's potentially me being overly paranoid but considering the Amount of times this has started to happen - and how blatantly rude and nasty and entitled readers have been getting with me and other creators over the last year - it's definitely not out of the realm of possibility.

MiM wasn't written for readers, it was written for me. and i shared it because i wanted to and that was wonderful. but to have any of my stuff stepped on so much just doesn't make me feel very safe in this fandom space rn and makes it hard to let people have access to something that matters so much to me.

I'm not saying MiM has been deleted forever, I'm just saying i want some more time for it to be mine.

[vikings-til-valhalla]

I beg the Gods for mercy and am given greater suffering instead. My faith does not waver. I know I am seen. My pain would not be so unbearable if They ignored me. I beg Them to just take me away already so this body stops aching and I no longer feel anything. They leave me here for a lifetime of pain and agony that only worsens with each day. I can do nothing. My silence to the Gods would be better, but I feel like swearing to the Nine Realms and their inhabitants until someone, anyone, comes to help. But I doubt with every passing day that I will ever receive any...