#and i hope i finally succeeded
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✨ Birthday Present ✨
#tales of symphonia#lloyd irving#colette brunel#colloydweek2023#colloyd#myart#this is another redraw of a piece from 2020#fun fact i redrew it because darkhymns wanted the original as a print#and i told her to wait til i could make it good enough to hang on the wall#and i hope i finally succeeded#my three year mission LOL
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“I felt the red-winged man gaze, I heard him speaking. I know who you are, he said, there are two ways this can go, no, three ways. I don’t want to count the ways, I said, I just want to finish it. I need to get to the end. His wings lifted and sanked. Oh my darling, he said, you’re a long way from the end.”
— Anne Carson, H of H Playbook
#IT'S DONE#FINALLY I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#Words can not express how heartbroken I am over tumblr fucking over the quality of page 5#whatever#I had initially sketched this back before the s4 special#And then the s4 special dropped and I edited some stuff#And then my motivation wavered#And then lining and coloring and shading takes a while#And I could not for the life of me decide on colors (page 5 my beloathed)#But it's done!!!!!!#Woooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#Me vc: And I think I will make another comic with an anne carson quote#I hope everyone likes my fucked up sunburst duo comic I think it's pretty neat#Also I hope I succeeded in making Wukong look really sad/wet when his eyes get revealed for the first time lol#Also also I hope this comic only ages better with time#''Oh my darling. You're a long way from the end.'' AM I RIGHT. AM I RIGHT!!#Hm. Does anyone here even know I draw lol#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk comic#lmk art#lmk fanart#lego monkie kid art#lego monkie kid fanart#lmk MK#lmk SWK#the light is no mystery#anne carson#art#my art
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Bioware fans finally getting the new DA game after waiting ten painful years:
Bioware:
#dragon age#da:tv#dragon age the veilguard#IT'S ALMOST HERE....#WE HAVE SUCCEEDED#it's been a long ride.....#but we're finally home#still worried about solas because some reviewers already finished the game and#i don't know#i saw some emoji being used that didn't reassure me at all :)#BUT HEY#THERE'S STILL HOPE
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Did a trade with my pal sunsetfeline (IG) :>
#been so fucking stuck in the#i wanna draw but idk whaat to dooo#so i decided to take up a few trades#also finally think i have somewhat of a grasp on body#kinda hope to do more human art this year#so far succeeding for sure#but this no human#furry#anthro#canine#art trade#personally not a furry#but i live in yalls neighboorhood#hope ya enjoy
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5 Underrated Things or Tactics That May Aid Bell's Hells to Victory
Spoilers up to Campaign 3 Episode 116 below
Well Critters, it all comes down to this.
Vox Machina dismantled the Malleus Keep, killed Ozo (the Bozo) Kruft, and freed the Champion of Ravens which removed the tidal lock on Ruidus, and now the Mighty Nein have disintegrated the Weave Mind, completing essentially a full dismantling of the Kreviris Imperium, all of which quicker than I anticipated. All that's left is the Hallowed Cage, where Ludinus Da'leth and his inner circle are using his harness to try and fully destroy Liliana Temult. Bell's Hells begin a race against time to save her, but also a race to defeat Ludinus before he unleashes his intentions unto Exandria and its Pantheon with Predathos, and then decide for themselves what they do with the God Eater.
Suffice to say, and I dunno about everyone else but, I am terrified. I believe they can win but Ludinus is not to be underestimated, this second harness means he may be stronger - and he was already the strongest wizard alive - and have access to more powers compared to his simulacra, plus Predathos may come during or after this battle, which can put the Hells in a weakened state. Matt has likely prepared his best and worst for this final battle too, but the Hells aren't Lv. 20 combatants like the other groups; there's no 9th level spells, no Divine Intervention, and the group lost their cleric ~20 episodes back, so even though VM and the Nein were ultimately successful within 1-2 episodes having to use both of their auto-succeed Divine Interventions from their two clerics in the process, this is the battle. And with that is a ridiculous amount of tension for Ludinus and for what comes after. For all we know, the cast may've already recorded ahead enough to have finished the final fight, maybe even finished the campaign (though I hope not, partly because I don't want it to end yet but also I feel like the dawn of the new era should be explored regardless of what choice the Hells make, plus some characters could use a bit more resolution after the big fight and the pressure of stakes and time sensitivity have been alleviated) but for us it's a nervous wait, and a wonder of what can be done to win and what choice will be made to determine the future of Exandria, Ruidus, their faith and their people. So, this is my indulging into that first part, 5 lower-key things or tactics that might not have been initially thought of that could make things easier to defeat Ludinus.
Liliana, the Inner Circle, and the Arcane Battery Provided that the Hells make it in time to stop Liliana from being totally destroyed by the harness (which is very possible since Laudna does have that tracking spell on him since Aeor, it's all about speed and not running into enemies) she will still be without her magic to fight. Ludinus' inner circle holding her down is comprised of Reilorans but also other Ruidusborns, and that's something the Hells can expose. Liliana cannot fight, but Ruidusborns can take spell slots from each other, so Liliana and any KO'd Ruidusborns from the inner circle can be used as spell slot fuel for Imogen and Fearne. Ludinus also gave a 9-slot fully-charged Arcane Battery to the Hells in order to trigger Delilah within Laudna for his escape, the battery can help recharge Laudna's slots too which makes this tactic handy for the witches of the group.
Dunamancy One of Ludinus' most important tools for his plan has been Luxon Beacons, a device able to unravel even divine magic, but much like the Harness it can prove his undoing. Dunamancy hasn't been touched upon as much as early C3 hinted it could have, but for lack of a better phrase, the possibilities are still endless. The Hells have multiple Potions of Possibility at their disposal to aid with rolls, but they also were given a Sphere of Dunamantic Restoration by the Kryn, which will trigger the effects of a Short Rest and a health and spell slot recharge - which can be handy in a pinch and to reuse some once per short rest abilities. Ashton is the key factor though, I've mentioned it a few times already but we don't know if these items will behave differently with them, via their own internal dunamancy abilities. Given the unknown factor, that's why it's not deemed as much of a tactic as it is a Hail Mary, but it is one that could lead to Ludinus' own magic unraveling, and maybe even Predathos' too
The Whirling Dervish & Conditional Advantages In Vassalheim, Dorian received his family sword: Gambolcleft, the Vortex Blade. One of its yet to be used abilities involves a once a day repetitive use of striking an enemy, similar to how Ozo killed Vex, provided that they attack with Disadvantage. Dorian is already looking at a high attack roll given Gambolcleft's +3 to attack and hit rolls, and Master's Flourish means he doesn't have to use a Bardic Inspiration to stack a Blade Flourish (Defensive Flourish is probably best, the damage is also doubled by Gambolcleft), the only quibble is the disadvantage. Fortunately, most of the Hells have skills that can force Ludinus into conditions where attacks would do advantage on him: stunning and rendering him prone being most likely, but paralysis is possible if a Hold Person is successful. It would of course require his Legendary Resistances to be used up first, but if Ludinus gets stunned or knocked prone within Dorian's range, Gambolcleft could easily carve its way through him with continual hits, stacked potentially by Bless and Mark of the Messy End, for perpetual damage and make Dorian himself impossible to hit on his next turn. Stunning or Proning Ludinus also leaves Ludinus at the vicious mercy of the martial players, especially for conditions that auto-crit when hit.
The Hole (or the Bag of Holding) Occam's Razor. An old but gold tactic of the Hells could very easily be used against Ludinus too. The portable hole or the bag of holding are devoid of air, left in one long enough with it sealed would mean suffocation as have been the fate of many of the Hells' past opponents that they didn't have time to deal with. The Hole's downside is that a Strength check can lead to a creature forcing their way out, but the Hells do have plenty of skills that can impose disadvantage on Strength rolls and the aforementioned conditions could help that, Ashton's Hammer may also make it more difficult to unfold the Hole if its Immovable Rod is propped atop of it - but that'd be down to Matt's discretion. The Bag of Holding doesn't have the strength save, but it is smaller so it may not be able to fit him in it. I'm not sure if Ludinus can use Gate to escape either, dunno if that leads to the whole extradimensional rip thing that happens if you open one while in the other, but if he does it's a concentration spell so the Hells could just keep knocking him back from the other side, a bigger group of enemies in either also reduces the time needed before they suffocate.
The Harness and the One-Chance Polymorph Right now Ludinus is using a harness to destroy Liliana, comparing it to the one in Moleasmyr it'll potentially take about an hour to finish the process providing that this factor wasn't improved upon. However, removing magic within a being for a whole day only required a minute of contact in the Hells' one and maybe Ludinus', thus his creation and reason for long life and power can also be the key to his downfall. Holding Ludinus down for a minute is of course not as easy as it sounds but that's where Polymorph can come in. Polymorph lasts at most an hour, so as long as Ludinus is changed into a creature that can easily be restrained they can use the harness on it and remove Ludinus of his entire arsenal in order to finish him off without the risk of his high level spells. The tricky part is getting Polymorph to succeed; Wisdom is after all a Wizard's bread and butter, but there is a single gambit that could make it work. It requires all Legendary Resistances to be gone of course, and for Laudna and Braius to be conscious; Braius has a once per long rest ability to change a Wisdom saving throw to a Charisma one, which he used to allow Dorian to succeed in making the Dominox dance in the live show, Laudna's Void Puppet can force disadvantage on saves to those within 5ft of it, which will negate his magical resistance to just a clean roll. Orym can also use Hex to impose a disadvantage, which may be able to stack, but this would also hinge on Ludinus' charisma not being super high and if the Polymorph fails once it will likely not be able to be tried again.
The fight won't be easy, but there are avenues that can make it less dangerous, a strategy is very much required for such a foe. All the while my strategy remains keeping up the prayer circle. Deep breaths everyone.
#critical role#c3 spoilers#campaign 3#bells hells#c3#c3e116#cr spoilers#cr speculation#ruidus#ludinus da'leth#liliana temult#cr meta#also reminder Imogen/Ashton need to plant that brood pit for the All Minds Burn somewhere on Ruidus#can you tell I'm panicked because I'm panicked I just want them all to be safe#VM and the Nein were successful and that's great but also it feels like they succeeded too well...Matt and his machinations are waiting#I'd love for Ludie to get the Zathuda treatment but he is likely the final boss if Predathos isn't so it's gotta be big and tense and such#and the after part is terrifying to me too because I do not think that thing should be let out - it can't stay on Ruidus either though#gods can quit being gods without Predathos as an excuse#Many gods helped in the VM and M9 fights too that should be acknowledged - the dynamic has to change but maybe not via death or exile#risking our own for them is not gonna work - Matron won't leave and new gods not on the menu like Artie will take their place if they die#I'd say they must see that but since they're all winging it we can only know in the decisive moment - it'll likely fall to Imogen's choice#I guess it's good storytelling that it can all go either way but it's very difficult to function when I'm picturing 100 different scenarios#you all are welcome to join me in the prayer circle#added notes: titan powers aren't on the list but I'm hoping to see more stuff because Matt did give them a piece of paper full of abilities#really hope the cast just quickly looked through their characters' skills items and abilities before the big upcoming fight#never know what will come in clutch
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man i love open endings. the fact that thanks to yuuji there might indeed be the next time sukuna talks about in case some idiot decides to eat a finger again. and we need fics where yuuji is that idiot
#hiding this in the tags but i think jjk and mha kinda conveyed the same concept#i haven’t mentioned it because sukuita always steals 100% of my attention but gojo’s moment was great too! as i said i think gege stayed#true to his characters till the end and i’ve always thought gojo coming back to life was absolute bs not because i didn’t want him back but#because it would completely ruin what was trying to be told through his story. he carried out the destiny he was doomed to carry out and#gege even specified this for us and /why/ it’s going to be different for yuuji#it can also be found in the way gojo and sukuna fought vs yuuji and sukuna#and it’s rly similar to horikoshi’s concept of the new generation reaching out to the villains and trying to understand them & /that/ is#what ‘the greatest hero’ truly means#ok now i’m digressing because gojo was more about himself and the title he was stuck with but it’s all so similar you know#which brings me to my point (finally)#the fact that the villains always ‘loses’ in the end. and i’m thinking that letting them live would be such a risky direction to take bc#it’s so easy to make it either corny or unrealistic. if the whole thing is about succeeding in reaching out then it’s going to happen at the#very last. and realistically it’s going to be too late. they’re going to be too far gone and it sucks but that’s how it is#shoto can discuss soba with touya but he’s still slowly dying. you know#so the best we can hope for is that the battle the villain fought at least leaves a mark and they sure did#something something the bad guy changing the good guy as much as he changed him#so yeah um maybe i am making sense maybe i am not but i woke up this morning and kinda went insane because it dawned on me that yuuji gave#sukuna another chance to life taking himself out of the equation#UGH. CIGARETTE EMOJI#speaking of which i’ve been (im)patiently waiting for olasketches and cruyuu’s reactions#my fave people on tumblr are genuinely the first people i think about after something good happens#my post
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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Finally got to kaeya and jean in the simulanka event everybody* clapped and cheered!!! They were sooooooo cute :(!!!!!
#*read: I did#I missed them so bad I was so excited to see them#like the last time we saw kaeya was during the LAST summer event#(the letter from the potion event does not count that wasn’t him showing up in person)#BUT ANYWAYS he’s the sweetest ever actually.#trying (and this time it looks like succeeding!) to get jean to relax w/ him & being so happy to see us#saying we make them proud wherever we go :’( kaeeeeeeeyaaaaaaa ilysm:’(((((((#also when he drank the magic tonic was funny. I took a screenshot bc he’s so cute#(ok i took several screenshots of both him and jean i love them so bad)#also jeannnnnnnn I’m glad she’s finally getting the chance to relax!!!#kaejean the world whether romantic or platonic they are sooooooooo everything to me#also the way they (the kof as a whole but particularly Jean Kaeya and Albedo) are coparenting Klee…ough#‘ik you’re worried abt klee but albedos got her’ ‘he said we should enjoy ourselves’ OUGH#I love them I hope I explode#genshin impact#kaeya#jean
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Wait hold on, I gotta focus, I'm shifting into evil mode
#wishing bad things on people who hurt me <3#I hope they hurt each other#I hope they tear each other apart now that nobody will shoulder the burden of confronting difficult things head on for them#and I hope they realize *why* things were allowed to get that bad‚ what they lost#you used to give me so much shit for trying to fix your messes for you#and you finally succeeded in being cruel enough about it that I stopped trying#so I hope your messes fucking fester. I hope they've been festering for a year and counting. I hope it hurts.#feeling genuinely gleeful at the idea
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it actually hurts me to know that keefe will never be the same person he was in book 1
#keep in mind that he literally saw his mom murder someone with his own two eyes#then to make things worse he forced himself to finally kill his mom with the dagger (hope)#he failed but imagine if he succeeded?#others would most likely cheer for gisela's death and keefe would pretend to be relieved but you know damn well the guilt will eat him aliv#i don't even want to talk about the stuff he went through in unlocked#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#kotlc unlocked#kotlc stellarlune#keefe sencen#gisela sencen#shannon messenger#nav's kotlc thoughts
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Me crying for DAYS after reading chapter 133 of Twin Star Exorcists:
#he is definitely succeeding#i'm so heartbroken#i have some hope for the finale tho#rokubeni... come back to me pls#双星の陰陽師#sousei no onmyouji#twin star exorcists#sousei meme#chapter 133#ch. 133#fruity-blogs
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It's thundering, storming harshly outside the wards – every patient prompted to stay inside. Yet, despite them being protected from the heavy rain and the lightning outside, the strong noise of a calamity reached every single room. Not just that, the screams of one particular patient reverberate throughout every corner. The noise must be getting to them.
"Someone, please, sedate whoever is causing such a ruckus." The doctor says and the nurses hesitate to speak. It's one of them who ultimately informs what the others wanted to say, he himself seems shaky about it, too.
"It's Hyles, sir." The man speaks and the doctor stops scribbling on paperwork. He turns over to the nurse, he stares back at him, eyes squinting in disbelief.
"My little boy? Is he in pain?" It was the only explanation for this and even that was shaky. He wasn't one to complain so audibly about his ailments. Why, the man called him his best patient due to it. He had even visited him earlier today, gifted him a nice book to read and all. Hyles had said the pain was bearable. Now, though, even he could hear his shrieks and wails from the other corner of the ward. Sounded like those of an agonizing, wretched creature. His poor kid...
Rushing to room 125, the scenery took a drastic change. From white, pristine walls to a shocking crimson, there's blood splattered all over. Pieces of skin fall roughly along with it. On the once white bed sits the boy, ripping and tearing at his own skin with both fingers and trembling scalpel. All of this, done as he cries out. The bodies of both nurses and doctors decorate parts of the floor and even the corners of the bed – it seemed it wasn't only his blood spread around.
He looked grotesque, flesh ripped apart, tears staining even the parts of his face that were bleeding out. Hyles is desperate, he screams and shakes, he wails, and speaks...
The language is foreign — to the people seeing it happen, it's all gibberish. Yet he cries out... and the doctor listens.
"Hyles... Hyles, it's me. Are you listening? If you cry out like this, we can't help you. Use the words you have learned. Use them." He encourages and, somehow, in between the wails, his carving of skin, blood-splattering comes to a halt, trickling down in discreet puddles. The scalpel falls over to the crimson bed, just as he is downcast. Finally, it seems like he is breathing.
"It hurts..."
"That has never caused such a visceral reaction. Go on, keep using your words." The doctor encourages while slowly approaching the boy.
"It is killing me. I'm dying, but... the stars. They're too high up, I cannot reach them. And the things they demand, and the things they want, I cannot do it. They're calling to me, I see them, I hear them. They're everywhere. I'll die before I make it. I... cannot... Cannot let it happen. Cannot, I must extirpate this decease, before it stops me... But I can't find it. I have to go deeper."
"No, Hyles, sweetest little saccharine dew," the doctor calls to him sweetly, mimicking the ways in which Hyles himself liked to speak towards his favorites, it keeps his attention steady, it was a language shared between them – proof of affection, Hyles would oftentimes call it, a weapon the doctor quietly surmised. The very weapon he used right now to keep Hyles calm. Crazed eyes land upon the older man's, who smiles back at him, calmly. He approaches and Hyles raises his hands towards him.
"I can't find it..." He cries out vaguely, tears running down. The man nods at him before he covers the bloodied boy in an embrace... and injects him a vivid blue liquid in. For a moment, there was silence, the grip of the boy slowly growing weaker and weaker... He gives in to the doctor's embrace, eyes closing, a relaxed sigh coming out.
"I thought our sedatives didn't work on him..."
"They don't... This was a different medicine." He comments, a blatant lie he hides neatly as he remains there, hugging his dear boy for a while longer... Worried that this might be the last time he could.
He thought maybe Hyles would turn into a crazed monster, much like the other subjects exposed to such a vial... He acknowledged he was crazy for even thinking this might help, for even trying it out on him, of all people. After he had done it, he was sure he would come to regret it. Yet, no growling, no twist or turning, nothing comes out of it. Instead, peace. Hyles sleeps, and the doctor places him softly on the bed. When he turns over, the fellow nurses who saw everything were still there, unable to decide if to leave or not. The scene was enough to make them want to run, but...
"Stitch him up. I'll take care of the rest." He wouldn't say it, but he was kind of an expert when it came to fixing a scene... "My nephew is not to be disturbed, once you're done. Just stitch him, wrap him up, and leave the room as is."
Nauseous and unsure, the nurses comply, and their hard work begins...
Hyles knows it has taken him long to wake up, despite the rain still pouring so soundly. It seemed the storm wouldn't let up, but it looked quite dark outside, despite the intensity of the lights keeping his room from succumbing to the void. The pain is gone, it has subsided, his organs no longer burning, no need to twist and turn, wail or scream. His muscles ache, his body aches, but the sting seems so far-away, nullified by the bandages spread all over him, and some form of painkiller.
He hears a scrubbing by his side, he turns over and realizes the walls have been rendered pristine white again... Only remnants of crimson remain on the floor. No bodies to be seen. Right, he recalled ripping one of his least favorites apart... and some others. He sits over, his uncle is doing quite a good job at this, he never believed him when he said he used to be a cleaner... Even the book he had been reading – the very one the man had gifted him – was no longer stained with blood. His bookmarks intact, as if nothing had happened to them.
We are not alone in the universe. I am not alone. I am a part of this universe, too.
"What did you do to me?" A hoarse voice asks and the doctor turns over, smiling as he usually does with his favorite patient.
"I might have found your cure."
#❥ ❝ foul and fair ❞ (about / headcanon)#I love how this can apply both for his cod and the boys verse#Cause both element 115 and v are blue#I wanted to write him suffering but not in a way that makes you sad for him#But in a way that makes you think oh yeah he's been pretty fucked up since the start#Hope I succeeded – finally introduced the sanatorium/hospital and his uncle too woohoo!#❥ ❝ restricted area ❞ (trigger warning)#tw storms#tw gore#tw body horror#tw blood#tw self harm#tw death#tw killing#tw hospital
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Oh also my cats got ahold of my USB stick that has all my mods and poses on it and then immediately proceeded to lose it, so I'm in kind of a tailspin over what to do about that.
#they're always trying to steal it bc they think it's a toy and they finally succeeded#sure hope they didnt eat it#not going to think about that bc i will never come out of that panic attack#anyway idk what to do now except hope it will turn up at some point#tbd
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: 大逆転裁判 | Dai Gyakuten Saiban | The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (Video Games)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Benjamin Dobinbough | Albert Harebrayne/Barok van Zieks
Characters: Barok van Zieks, Benjamin Dobinbough | Albert Harebrayne, Original Male Character(s), Naruhodou Ryuunosuke
Additional Tags: the original character is a prison guard, he's also in my OTHER benbaro fic about prison!, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Ending, because if Capcom won’t write case-specific bad endings then I will, prison break - Freeform, is that a tag???, Despair, no it's still not danganronpa-flavored, Guilt, this didn’t start out as explicitly romantic but just became gay naturally, i blame capcom for making them so in love, punishing himself is one of Barok’s greatest skills, it’s my birthday today (this is a lie. it was last week. I am so late for this prompt.), so i get to post (checks notes) an incredibly sad AU of my favorite ship
Summary:
Ryunosuke did his best to defend Albert, but ultimately lost the trial. This is the aftermath.
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For Benbaro Week, Day 5: Prison/Night
~
boy i love bad endings
#red writing#ace attorney#the great ace attorney#benbaroweek2023#barok van zieks#albert harebrayne#ryunosuke naruhodo#benbaro#y'all said benbaro week was still taking submissions up to a week late right? right???#anyway here's this. i truly meant to finish it on the tenth but i got distracted and tired#i've been working on this for literal months. maybe it's been six months now. and it's finally done#i hope you like it#if it can make you even slightly as sad as it made me to write then i have succeeded#sorry i keep putting my favorite men through it#the great ace attorney spoilers
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hmm
feel like I've lost myself somewhere but not sure where and what to do about it
#shut up ray#its so annoying cos i have all these things ive wanted for so long#i should be happy and be able to do the things i want to do#but i dont want to do anything#i feel so much anxiety every day abt how few hrs i have to do all the things in#but then i just put everything off#because i cant get myself to do it#havent touched my guitar since i stopped the adhd meds#they were great at focusing me#but only for a few weeks then idk i started to feel wrong#like i wasn't myself anymore#but even after stopping i still feel kinda off?#rlly hoped my ongoing identity crisis wouldve stopped by now...#is this just what your 20s are??#ive heard ppl mention it lmao#just rlly feel like im lagging behind again#but this time i dont even know what im lagging in#ive achieved all the achievable life goals#i dont rlly have any other goals#i wonder if it hadnt been for the gender bullshit i couldve gotten this identity crisis over with earlier#perhaps in my teens when everyone else seemed to be figuring shit out??#but i just seemed to be delayed over and over again on the whole teen development years deal#ugh idk man#cant even keep hold of friends anymore#i think i have one#count em ONE#at this time. and i dont seem to be much of a priority anymore#i worry that i may have finally started succeeding in pushing even her away#someone who forced her way into my life back in 2011 and has refused to leave it#fucking hate this asocial shit ive inherited from my parents
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Oh lord, see… I’m so annoyed we never got a deeper dive into their relationship, because I actually think it’s so much more complex than just “Thanos tortured Loki”. This is gonna be an unpopular take.
I keep describing it as a criminal striking up a partnership with a mob boss, because that’s exactly how it feels to me. Like was their relationship shitty and unequal and horrible for Loki? Yes! But did Loki freely enter into that relationship for his own purposes and hold some of the cards himself? Also yes!
It really is such a unique dynamic, because Loki had way more autonomy in that little set-up than, say, the Black Order. But he was also more anchored to Thanos’s base than someone like Ronan. And he wasn’t treated in a familial way like Gamora and Nebula. So, conclusion? Loki was his “ally”, not his employee, and there were undertones of a fucked up sort of mentorship.
I don’t think Thanos ever looked inside Loki’s mind. And I don’t think he ever tortured him, per se, as a punishment. Thanos knew what all the major heroes looked like- that’s how he knew Thor. And I think all the torture was framed as “training” or “enhancement” (much like with Gamora and Nebula) and, in Loki’s case, I believe he wholeheartedly agreed to it. Now, was he in a good place mentally when he made those choices? Oh hell no. But was he lucid enough that they were still his choices? Yeah I think so.
Loki was led into that trap by his own anger and lostness and search for vengeance and purpose, and those are the things that kept him there too. Like I said, he probably saw Thanos as a sort of demented mentor- he clearly told him about what happened that led him to Sanctuary, but Thanos didn’t know he was adopted so he must not’ve read Loki’s mind to get that info. So, Loki confided those bits and pieces. And you know what? You’re right, that “you’ll never be a god” line clearly struck a nerve, so I’m willing to bet Thanos did some confiding of his own.
They were allies- not on even footing, no, but Loki wasn’t being actively oppressed either- and they likely had tentative plans beyond the New York attack. Something along the lines of “you get me the tesseract, I’ll get you a throne, and then we’ll see what else we can achieve together.” Loki obviously knew their partnership would never make it that far (I don’t think he even really cared to win in New York), but he played into it anyway. And Thanos probably suspected Loki would betray him eventually (judging by how suspicious the Other was of him in A1) but he wasn’t certain of it.
And now, six years after it ended, here they both are seeing each other again for the first time. Thanos has an air of cocky bitterness about him, and Loki is clearly terrified but still defiant. This guy who no one dares oppose is standing there looking at this troubled soul whom he- in his own mind, at least- took in when he was rejected by everyone else, gave him an opportunity to achieve greatness, and then got ghosted by him. That’s gotta lead to some resentment. And from Loki’s pov, his deal with the devil that he made when he was at his lowest most shameful point is finally coming back to bite him and the people he loves. Yeah, neither of them is happy to see the other, and they both knew what was gonna happen.
*end rambling
“The Tesseract or your brother’s head. I assume you have a preference?”
Have….have we ever considered the fact how utterly disturbing it is that Thanos a) waves Thor in front of Loki because he knows that Loki would kill the universe to save him, and B) HE RECOGNIZED THOR AS LOKI’S BROTHER ON THE SPOT?
I don’t think that Thanos, Thor, and Loki had a little sit down before the battle started and talked about familial relationships.
This line, usually thought of in passing, means these things:
Thanos knows how important Thor is to Loki, which means Thanos and Loki have talked about this beforehand.
Thanos knows what Thor looks like which means Thanos has seen Thor from Loki’s head before
Thanos knows that Loki has the Tesseract. He could have chosen ANY PERSON on the ship to convince Loki to give up the Tesseract, but instead, he picked Thor out of the group and CHOSE to use Thor against Loki on PURPOSE.
Thanos didn’t demand the Tesseract from Loki first, he WANTED to play with him and he WANTED to torture Loki and he WANTED to see Loki mouth “please” and he WANTED to see Loki’s desperation and he WANTED to see Loki break again, and he WANTED Loki to think Thor getting tortured was his fault, not Thanos’
Thanos knows Loki on an intimate level that we do not fully understand.
Thanos probably knows Loki better than his family does
And Thanos, more than likely, killed him in the way that he knew Loki was terrified of
#I think Thanos had hopes for Loki back in the day#and maybe he did the thing with Thor just to test him one last time#like sure loki betrayed him#but if he’s just full on heartless snake? the kind that could let his brother be tortured to death in front of him#just so he could keep the space stone? well maybe Thanos could respect that level of ruthlessness#and maybe he’d have taken him up on his fake earth guide offer#but of course#loki failed his test#he didn’t let Thor die#and that was the final straw#thanos was disappointed#sort of like ‘you can’t be the cold ambitious monster I thought you might & you also can’t be a loyal soldier. so I have no use for you’#it’s just so fascinating#and in between all the fear and panic#there’s a tiny moment of disappointment on Loki’s face too#like he let himself down by caving to sentiment#I think that’s the moment he realises this villain persona he’s been leaning into since post Thor#is done and over with#he stops pretending here#he tried so hard to be the type of person Thanos is for awhile and he even succeeded a little bit#but here he is at the end of the line being forced to acknowledge that he just isn’t that person#aaaaaah Loki’s duality is my favorite thing GOD#you can’t put him in any box#which means he’ll never be trustworthy as a hero#but also#he can never be relied on to be the villain#mcu Loki#loki meta#loki and Thanos
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