#and i have to go to this fucking modelling thing

[jeanjauthor]

I should point out that being ABLE to perform a haka in the halls of governmental power is a HUGE thing! The fact that many, many New Zealanders are calling their land Aotearoa is a HUGE thing! The conservative backlash is to be expected (conservatism is a plague spreading its mildew around the world), but honestly, you DON'T mess with a treaty like this!

Imagine trying to chant something from an indigenous American tribe in the US Congress. Imagine just speaking in the Iroquois language...the same group of people that the Legislative Branch was modeled upon. They'd get tossed out! Not just the gallery folks, but the person speaking!

...I'm switching shirts. I'm going to wear my "Neverthe less, She Purrsisted" shirt, because quite frankly, that's the energy these Maori are facing in their Parliament...and that is the fucking horror we are facing here in America, that we will have our own legislators silenced, and possibly even tossed out of Congress.

I'm just glad she wasn't silenced or tossed out...and that so many people in the gallery watching their parliament joined in, showing their support for her ceremonial protest!

LET THESE ASSHAT CONSERVATIVES SEE HOW UNHAPPY WE ARE WITH THEM!

Hana-Rawhiti Kareariki Maipi-Clarke, the youngest MP in Aotearoa, starts a haka to protest the first vote on a bill reinterpreting the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi

[subway-boss-jericho]

Fuck it. Silly post time

My doodles from my class notes this + last week. I have been struggling to draw my guys on model lately so you can see some of the Struggles. go ahead, look at em. i am so human but watch me go. Anyways, these are in order from oldest to most recent (the ones I did in class today.) Trying to figure out how i want to draw them again, because it seems I can never quite do it the same way twice. Mildly frustrating, but it does leave space for silly posts like this. I hope someone else finds as much amusement in offended tynamo as I do.

AUs include spirit keeper (I've forgotten how to draw??? his hair??? which is like his most identifying feature???? don't know where THAT muscle memory went but it is GONE) and also Steady Tracks Ingo (who I have Never figured out how to draw in the first place tbh). Also pictured: an intentionally rare little ingo appearance. Also noticed I've been drawing more canon-compliant doodles than I normally do, so that's neat! Top right image (the third one) is my INSANELY botched attempt at drawing the One Move twins. Literally turbo fucked that one. look at ingo's face. Unrecognizable. Will I stop using an ink pen? when I die maybe

Anyways. God be damned I am Having Fun. Wanted to offer you my doodles in the hopes they make someone else smile too today. Oh the train is just a train, I just figured you guys would like that one. Even though I'm struggling to keep my pen steady or my lines consistent, I am still very happy with several things here. The smoke on the train, and the two middle Emmets on the very last image in particular I really love

silly post complete. have a great timezone

[wickedsmille]

Oh man, I got tagged for WIP Wednesday by @takemetomyfragiledreams (just a wee bit later because life but) so taaaah daaaaaah. I'm gonna tag @ragnarokhound and whoever else wants to do it! (Idk who the other creators are around here ;A; )

It's a modern magic/demons, kind of reverse robins AU with a dash of soulmates, a whole lot of enemies to lovers and a healthy dose of action featuring demon!Tim and Helldiver(mercenary)!Jason. I'm 8 chapters deep into it so far. Without further ado-

"Who the fuck are you?” Jason bites out.

Unlike the last higher level demon, no name comes to mind for this one. Neither does the area correspond to what he remembers of the Labyrinth’s actual layout. The demon may have actually created the room.  Chances are this is their new enemy so no better way to start things off than getting a name.

Jason isn’t actually expecting the demon to answer but he does with a vicious little smile.

“Tim,” the demon replies coldly. “It’s nice to meet you, Jason. I see it didn’t take long for Dick and Bruce to replace me. I’m not going to lie. I’m a little hurt they went with the older model. An upgrade I could’ve tolerated but you?” 

Tim slips off the rock he’s been sitting on and his bare, clawed feet land silently despite the loose rock and gravel everywhere. He’s all liquid, deadly grace like a poisonous snake sliding through the shadows with its prey in its sight and the taste of blood already on its tongue. Being the sole focus of the demon’s attention sends Jason into an internal panic. Violence and grief and betrayal become palpable things strong enough to make Jason feel like he’s choking. Although, that may be Tim’s hand around his throat. The demon is inhumanly fast.

“I’ll have to remind everyone why they cast you off the first time around,” Tim hisses at him. 

[tumbasenalma]

wtf is up with november 7th always having me feeling shitty???

[lucabyte]

A belief in Nominative Determinsim

[beef-brisket]

Lucifer smiled: Oh, I'm almost certain they will be.

Adam: ...is this what you and Michael were fighting about?

Lucifer looked away. Fucking Michael: Yes and no. Michael's just... he gets too caught up in his work. He can't get his head out of his ass and have a look around, you know? He just... he either doesn't think or thinks too much. There's no in between.

Adam: ...So, in other words, he talked amd you got angry?

Lucifer: That's pretty on the money. He... wanted to keep you there... even after the baby's born- to do tests... he thinks it'll be a danger. But- you were normal once- I think it'll be fine-!

Adam: He has a point. I mean, it's a shit point, but I see where he's coming from. Someone with the parasite has never been pregnant before. So, who knows what will happen...

Adam leans back, his hands never leaving his stomach.

Lucifer: ...Do you want to keep it?

Adam: ...You know, I've never thought about kids. Or marriage. Or partners. There was no one here that I'd ever want that with. And I sure as hell didn't want to bring a kid into this shit. And I haven't exactly had the best parental role models...

Lucifer was getting nervous. None of that sounded like he wanted to keep it.

Adam: And I'd hate for you to be bound to my bullshit... and I'll probably outlive you. By like... a fucking landslide. Depending on what shit Charlie has, I might even out live her- not that that matters, she probably won't care about me- I'm sure she'd like to move closer to somewhere with people when she's a bit older- than you'll go to- which is fine! I'm not stopping you! I- um... shit, where was I going with this?

Lucifer: I'm not sure- but let me ask you one thing. Do you want to keep it?

Adam: ... I guess?

Lucifer: ...you guess?

Adam: I mean- what if looked like Vox!? Who knows what the fucking parasite will do to it- maybe it's not even a baby amd instead it's so.e creepy mix of us and the mold! I just... I don't want you to dream of a beautiful child, and we end up with some squiggly, wormy thing. I'd still love it... wouldn't have to pay for college.

Lucifer laughed: You really know how to make a situation like this, funny.

Adam: What can I say? It's my coping mechanism. But fuck it. I'm sure it'll be fine! And it's not, I'll just... throw it out the window. Ain't no little fucker surviving that drop.

Lucifer: ...

Adam: ...I'm kidding, Luci.

Lucifer: Okay, whew! Thank god- wait, are we keeping it? Are we having a baby?

Adam: Yeah, man. A "baby"!

Lucifer: Just- baby Adam. No air quotes.

Adam: Okay, sorry. Baby! Sweet. So... nine months- that'll be... two more growth spurts at the most. I can handle that. Fuck yeah. Okay. Cool.

Lucifer: You're so chill about this.

Adam: Yeah, that's just me, man! Don't hate.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. This is going to be a long seven-ish months.

Have you seen Resident Evil: Village? All I'm saying is Adam and Emily as two of the three sisters and Sera as Lady Dimitrescu.

Lucifer is Ethan trying to find Charlie.

At first, Adam was on his mother and sisters side- but because they have a weird thing against dudes, he eventually helps Lucifer.

Trust me, it feels illegal not to make Adam the stunning Lady Dimitrescu, but for story reasons, he'll be one of her kids.

I mean, their hot. What can I say? Adam would look great like this 🤷

Adam: Mmm- man flesh~.

Lucifer: ...Kinda gay, man.

Adam: It's not gay.

Lucifer: It is- man flesh? Really?

Adam: ...

Lucifer: ...

Adam: *stabs sickle into his leg and drags him away* Mother!

I have seen it! Ha I love this. ((Yes he'd rock being the Lady of the house 😩))

Lucifer: Ow!! What the fuck!?

Adam: It's not gay! Mother was right.

[brodorokihousuke]

the way he stands when he's looking at paper is literally so funny to me, go off with that arm pose apollo

[bacchuschucklefuck]

one thing I really really appreciate abt riz gukgak as a character is that he is un-self-aware to the max. he inhabits his body so completely. the arc that would usually be run as "I'm different and unable to connect with my friends in this way that everyone seems to be able to do and so something's wrong with me and I don't like myself" when it comes to riz is actually like no! I have literally no problems or praises for myself personally. I don't stand outside of my own self and judge it. it's phrased as "other people will eventually find someone more important to them than you" rather than centering it on his self-perception. he doesn't know why he doesn't have the best social life on earth even though he's not afraid at all to talk to other people. every time he sees himself in someone else's actions or behaviour he gets startled by it. his latest epilogue is realizing seemingly for the first time that he's not just an agent of causes but an actual character. he's my hero and I want to be him when I grow up

[ohitslen]

College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)

[be-good-be-safe-be-kind]

"it's the only way to heal"

op you are so right.

krista's involvement here seems to be overshadowed by the previous episode and overlooked by the end of the series where the krista in elliot's mind has some… interesting things to say (another point for another time), but it really is important. thank you for highlighting this.

the framing and lighting, as always, add so much to the series, even if it does not consciously register as doing so. earlier seasons and sessions with krista, pretty sure, had things centered or framed to include the background as focus (the curtains, the shadows of the room in elliot's 'cell,' etc.) and giving the viewers as well as the characters other things to focus on besides each other. here, with a blurry background and the characters in the 'margins,' the focus is on them; there is not really anything else to look at besides for elliot and krista.

elliot's desire to forget is understandable, and rather than tell him that, krista uses the opportunity to say that is an impossible ask. the memories will always be there, whether or not he can access them, and it sucks but it is the truth. even without the flashbacks and time skips, the pilot episode is full of allusions to elliot's background, even if things like flinching from ollie's touch or remaining at a distance from gideon initially registers as asocial and/or anxious.

"you will survive this, elliot" is a crucial conclusion. he has no reason to assume that to be true, especially after learning that he already made it this far in life with the knowledge of his abuse hidden from him. (arguably, they have been here before, at other points in the series and before we meet the characters in the pilot, but for now, we have elliot encountering this information for the first time and it fucking breaks him). to go back to working with mr. robot, to reconcile that this intrinsic part of himself is modeled after a father who he thought was nothing but a friend, is devastating.

mr. robot having this conversation with elliot at allsafe is another fantastic detail. yes, the office is their headquarters, their apartment is not exactly usable at the moment, but fucking allsafe. all safe. after a night following bits of his past around the city, seeing how his child self knew about and protected himself from the abuse, coming back to a dilapidated office that is all safe is… a lot, to say the least.

mr. robot acknowledging his own fear is another thing that gets overlooked; even to people without understanding of dissociative disorders and technical terms, mr. robot is clearly a protector, one who talks shit and gets shit done, without an ounce of doubt. to hear this guy repeatedly admit in this episode and the previous one that there are things he desperately needs to keep away from elliot, from himself, because living with it is too much, is a big deal. and to have him hand the keys back to elliot, instead of their back-and-forth like with the chess scenario, to give elliot the power and choice to ignore him in the aftermath of this, is monumental.

for all of elliot's planning and confidence in his technical abilities, for his meticulous compartmentalizing and pushing what he deems irrelevant to the side in order to get a job done, this is one thing he cannot ignore. and he still apologizes, even though there is no need to, because he perceives it that way. after years of research and work, trial and error, love and loss, he has to see everything through til the end, but he cannot.

"i wouldn't be me, and i wouldn't have you," besides for being a breakthrough, is a succinct summary of the series. elliot addresses mr. robot, yes, but in a way, he also addresses the 'friend' he has been keeping mostly in the loop since the start. "you're only in my head, we have to remember that" has not been forgotten, even as the voiceovers decreased in frequency and intensity as the series progressed. it also ties in to whiterose's plan and idea of using a machine to change reality rather than accept it; elliot learns to choose and accept his reality for what it is, as shitty as it is, rejecting the idea that a life dismissing the past is better than one including it.

whiterose would rather wipe the slate and toss it into a bin rather than accept it as a stepping stone towards her future. elliot and the rest of his system end the series with the hope of integrating their past into their future, as painful as it may be, because they understand the necessity.

Mr. Robot and Accepting Trauma Memories

In all my posts about how good Mr. Robot can be about depicting healing for those with DID, I never did highlight the last conversation Elliot has with his therapist in Season 4.

[Scene paraphrased, skipping comments about Elliot's father or the itch in the back of Elliot's head]

Upon his trauma memories returning Elliot is dissociated and barely holding it together. His therapist, who was with him for the revelation, gets him to safety (as always depicted by golden light in the show)

Krista's camera angle keeps Elliot in frame at all times while Elliot remains alone. She's reaching out and he's withdrawing. The show always uses camera angles and empty space to show isolation. All the empty space with subjects usually singled out in the 1-2 shots as a way to show their lack of connection.

Krista is on the very edge of the frame, meeting Elliot where he is. She's not trying to pull him out of his dissociation, she's just trying to reach out and offer him grounding and connection and comfort.

The thing being depicted here though is one of the most empathetic displays of trauma memories resurfacing. Elliot wants to forget again and Krista says that he never forgot.

In reality trauma memories, even the most buried ones, remain active and present within anyone suffering a dissociative disorder. The mind simply prevents access to that information as a means of self-preservation. When triggered or summoned it will activate the nervous system and create a recall response. In Elliot's case an "itch in the back of his mind"

At a cellular level, the body stores a memory of everything it has experienced. Sometimes this is evoked through touch, ranging from casual touch, to intimate touching, to massage and body-work. Sometimes a trigger can cause these body memories to break through. Sometimes the body memory just surfaces. Although there are times when a body memory coincides with an identifiable flashback, sometimes it may seem to happen ‘out of nowhere’. This can be extremely frightening and unnerving, especially if you don’t know this is what is happening. It does not mean you have ‘lost it’ or that you are crazy. Your mind is not playing a cruel trick on you, but rather is presenting you with memory or information that needs to be worked through so you can heal from the wounding you experienced. The phenomena of flashbacks and body memories can become more complex when you are not the only personality residing within your physical body— especially until you-all each have a greater sense of ‘self’ and ‘System’. If you have not yet reached a place of distinguishing between yourself and others in your System, you may have a consciousness of sensations that are the memory and/or current experience of another part. While this may seem strange or odd, it is not unheard of. Each part doing their own work, getting to know each other better, and getting strong senses of self- and System- is really what will get things to a more manageable place. - Got Parts ~ An Insiders Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder (ATW)

When it comes to handling trauma memories the option to "just forget" does not truly exist. To not think about it does not prevent the mind from reacting when the trigger is touched. The memory will summon sense memory or emotional flashback and cause symptoms.

The only path to healing is to engage with those memories and work on integrating them. No matter how hard that may seem. Because to continue pushing it away is to allow the triggers to continue activating the nervous system and let the memory literally haunt the present day.

I'm glad that Krista got to say that.

Season 4 Episode 8 is all about accepting the weight of the trauma memory.

The final moment of the episode has Mr. Robot, who was created to protect the system and is modeled to look and act like Elliot's abuser, returns to talk to Elliot about what happened. Bathed in golden light and within their base of operations "Allsafe"

Elliot flinches at the mere thought of Mr. Robot. The living memory of his father and the one who held the memories of his abuse for so long. Fearing that he has failed in his duty as Elliot's protector, Mr. Robot speaks, desperate to fix it, knowing that now the memories have resurfaced he may not be able to any longer.

"The only reason I'm here is to make sure no one ever hurts you. That was supposed to be your father's job. But he failed. He was too weak. But you? You were strong. You fought back the only way you could. You brought me here to protect you from him."

"I tried to keep you safe and only show you the memories when the two of you were friends before..." he pauses and lets the implication hang in the air, "I thought I could store the truth so you'd never have to see it or feel it. Fact is I didn't wanna see it either. I made a terrible mistake. I was afraid. Afraid of what this would do to you. To us.

"This was never my secret to keep. And you deserved better than to live in darkness for so long. I'm so sorry. I failed you, too. I understand if you can't forgive me or you decide to shut me out for good. Just as long as you know that I am not your father. I never was."

"You're nothing like him. That's why I created you. You're the father I needed. Not the father I had."

"If I could have stopped him. If I could go back in time. Change everything that happened to you and make it all go away..."

"Then I wouldn't be me." Elliot finally turns to look at Mr. Robot, "And I wouldn't have you."

Mr Robot finally protectively holds Elliot and he breaks down in sobs, unsure if he has it in him to see their hacking plan through.

In this scene Mr. Robot accepts the truth that holding those memories from Elliot caused him so much pain over the years and that it was all he knew to do as a protector but faced with the reality of him accepting the pain he understands he was wrong.

The episode also features Elliot's child alter guiding him to evidence that they did fight back against their father as a child. They locked the door to their childhood bedroom and hid the key that Edward had access to. They threw themselves out of a window to prevent him hurting either him or their sister.

They were a child and sometimes the only way to fight back is to hide or to show the abuser that you'll not accept their abuse silently.

Both Mr. Robot and Krista praise the child who received the abuse for doing all they could to fight back, even when they felt so powerless. That it was not their fault. That the abuse was something they did everything they could to try and stop.

Mr. Robot even goes in and says that he wishes he could use a time machine to undo it and Elliot, finally accepting the core themes of the show, rejects the notion outright.

"I wouldn't be me. And I wouldn't have you."

Healthy acceptance of that which is and treasuring all that has been made with his life despite the trauma.

The main villain's plan is to use what is implied to be a time machine to reject the pain of this harsh reality in search of a better one. She would see suffering and turmoil in the present to bring about a better history. She is so fixated on reclaiming the world she feels she was owed that she cannot accept the reality she finds herself in.

Elliot goes dormant after his conversation with Mr. Robot and he takes over for the big hacking plan. During the finale of the "Fsociety" portion of the plot, Elliot finally resurfaces when Whiterose promises that her plot (implied heavily to be a time machine) can bring back a loved one that was murdered earlier in the show. When confronted with the choice between pressing forward with the pain of loss or retreating into delusion and rejection of reality; Elliot chooses to resurface.

Cementing the theme and moral firmly. It is better to accept the past and integrate it into your future than to live in rejection. Even if it hurts.

It's the only way to heal.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[alukaforyou]

sometimes i think about this txt cover of invitation and... that long haired guy is just choso with his hair down TO ME

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

[kwyoz]

i did NOT cook with the bottom two drawings, but i like to post drawings even when theyre awful.

[zaddyazula]

obviously i love strangelove’s character but she wasn’t written well… as a woman or as a lesbian…

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

i knew it would happen but oh my god. oh my. fucking god. i couldn't imagine it would be so bad when requesting. i was thinking about the lola propaganda and emo boy lovers and the gross freak haters. i couldn't possibly imagine that he would get such a GIANT pass percentage. yes there's six more hours to go but i know it's going to get worse over the night. As the blog curator is he really now the most passed on character I'm curious

Currently Masterson is still at a higher percentage than Beast Machines Rattrap, who I believe is our current Least Fuckable character. Masterson clears the bar by a whole percent.

And with your help we can set the bar even lower. It's not too late to Get His Ass

I don't know beachcomber too well but any humanfucker bots are welcome here.

Admittedly I was thinking at least a little bit about the rescue bots when I wrote the post because I swear to Primus every one of the main cast of bots is trying to fuck humans. Not even necessarily their human partners specifically (boulder and heatwave absolutely are tho), but at some point, every one of the bots has Said or Done Some Shit in the show that reads like they're interested in getting with humans. Prowl "I've fantasized about being human before" TFA walked so the rescue bots could sprint.

(I've also just kinda had Boulder/Graham Brainrot lately, so that might be contributing lmao)