#and i have to be around these people knowing im not safe. that if they found out who i was i could be seriously harmed

[petricorah]

i feel sick

[pulsingvoid]

i really dont feel qualified enough to speak out about anything im still too tired and scared and full of both warranted and misplaced guilt to properly function but i do need to express one thing. which is that we have got to find a way to talk about women and feminism and misogyny and men and the patriarchy again. we cannot go on pretending misogyny isnt as rampant as ever, more rampant than its been in a long time, and that it isnt just as much a danger as all the other fucking dangers hovering over us at any given minute. letting terfs hog feminist spaces is one of the worst things we did and im tired of blaming the terfs for it when thats just as much on us as it is on them. we are letting ourselves down and we are letting trans women down we are so segregated and so distractible we tiptoe around everything we have fucked our solidarity to hell im sick of biting my tongue on women's issues im sick of being nervous to voice my opinions to other women irl and im sick of having to check feminist blogs on here to see if theyre terfs before i interact im sick of people nitpicking each other's language because certain things sound like "terf dogwhistles" like yeah no shit they do because they weaponized them! theyre controlling the entire fucking narrative! at this point i'd rather see flawed feminism than none at all maybe im crazy but i am trying to have some fucking faith in other women and i know how i feel and how much i love my trans sisters and my trans friends and how safe i feel in trans spaces because im becoming a bigger and more gender nonconforming dyke with every breath i take and i dont care how it comes off to strangers online im gonna rebuild my community and im gonna talk more about being a woman and all that entails and what it means to me. and if any of this spoke to you in any way i am literally begging you to find a way to do the same

[stackslip]

i mean to be fair to manga/brotherhood edward elric, he is a completely different character than his 03 counterpart. his function is first and foremost to be a fun, exciting shounen protagonist who vaguely breaks some of the trope's mold by being openly abrasive and selfish and physically weaker than many 90s/early 2000s shounen protags were. and he fulfills that role pretty well within the context of the story, he's genuinely very entertaining and fun and Relatable for a teen audience chafing against authority and adults looking down on you. so im never gonna say mangahood ed elric is like, a bad character when his concept is perfectly executed. im gonna be critical of say, several plot points about him (like the xerxes thing) or how he treats scar and ishbal (my problem here being less him and more that the narrative entirely validates his point of virw around the subject), but i cant deny that in reading fma he is a very endearing and fun protag to follow, and that's his primary function so.... yknow. that's fine.

in opposition, 03 ed elric is.... not meant to be nearly as relatable or fun, and the narrative is also a lot more critical of his actions, which i think is part of why to a lot of og fma fans he feels *off* and uncomfortable. he's not meant to be a funny audience stand-in or representative of teenagers saving the day despite abrasive shitty adults. if anything, his age and inexperience and trauma lead to him making mistakes, chasing the wrong leads, playing right into the hands of people much older and powerful and him lashing out or lying to himself to protect himself and alphonse. 03's slower pace and lack of budget also means that ed rarely gets to be a cool action hero and be super strong in battles. it's not nearly as triumphant or empowering, it's uncomfortable to see him be much more openly, humanly flawed, and to suffer and take away the wrong lessons from this suffering. it's also purposefully uncomfortable to see so many actions that mangahood treats glibly or shy away from ed's responsibility in awful things, being instead brought to the forefront in agonizing detail and for ed to be forced to confront them despite his pleas and denial and attempts to run from it!

because 03 ed isnt a shounen protagonist tbh. sure, he is an audience stand-in insofar that he, along the audience, is forced to confront a lot of uncomfortable truths about the system he's wilfully chosen to be part of. his flaws are relatable inasmuch that they're deeply human ones: wouldn't you too choose denial when confronted with the unwilling results of your actions? if you felt like you'd failed the one you loved most in the world, wouldn't you be a mass of guilt and trauma and passively suicidal about it? when confronted with your prejudices, would you really nod sagely and accept them or would you feel uncomfortable and struggle to accept that your framework has been flawed from the beginning?

but even so, he can be frustrating to the audience. his refusal to say out loud what the audience already knows re sloth and having created a homonculus. how his attempts at action get stopped or play right into others' wider manipulations. how he tries so hard to deny homonculi's humanity, his prejudices and racism towards ishbalans being a lot more blatant and clearly wrong. his admitted lack of regard for others if it means al is safe. he's not nearly as fun, here! he's a product of his environment, someone who could easily take the same path his father and dante embarked on, someone who could so easily become the "perfect" alchemist and quit having regard for human life altogether. his compassion is something he has to learn, his arrogance as a facade for his pain is one that crumbles progressively. he learns very slowly, sometimes makes one step back for every step forward. he has to learn to slow down and accept reality as it is, that there are many things that he cannot understand but that he has a responsibility to others and the world anyway, and this means listening. it means not cutting himself away from the world and viewing himself on a pedestal. it means taking a leap of faith, sometimes. swallowing your pride and accepting responsibility and that it is up to you to fix what you've started. you cant go back to an idealized state, because it never existed in the first place!

sure, it means this ed isnt as exciting or fun or cocky. he's insecure, he's traumatized, he's stubborn and brash in ways that aren't fun. but hot damn it he isnt so much more fascinating and nuanced than his original counterpart! a deeply tragic, layered, mature character. what a shame, how many people dont know about him or refuse to accept him because he isnt as funny or comforting as the manga

[itneverendshere]

hii! just wanted to drop by this message to say I’m currently obsessed with the series of ‘loved you at your worst’. It has dragged me to pull out all folklore songs again 🥲 I just loooove your writing style and it amazes me how you can redact so amazingly <3 can’t wait for more chapters to see what’s next. Quick curious question: can you give us some more context on how invested was Rafe in the relationship with y/n? I’m curious how their dynamic was when both were stable lol. (I’m sorry if there’s misspelling, English is not my first language hehe).

your english is perfect don't worry, it's not my first language either!

im gonna try to summarize their relationship pre-big break up: rafe was SO obsessed with her, like genuinely all-in on this relationship. when things were good, they were perfect, they just clicked in this undeniable way—emotionally, physically, spiritually, they were just meant to fit. he wasn’t just invested; he was borderline consumed.

but it wasn’t just love, it was also their shared trauma. both of them had been through so much, and that’s partly why they felt so seen by each other. she got him in a way no one else did, and he craved that understanding (that's why shit hit the fan when she didn't coddle him when ward died). when they were stable, he actually put in effort to be open with her (his version of it), and she was his safe place and vise-versa. you’d look at them and think, “they're meant to be" yk??

but when things went wrong...it was a shitshow.

neither of them knew how to communicate their needs properly, so they’d just explode instead.

they’d go on those “breaks,” but they were still obsessing over each other, stalking socials, making each other jealous with a little flirting, just overall trying to be mean and hurtful but also checking in, very much toxic.

if they want any chance at real happiness together, they’re both gonna have to do some serious inner work, “heal your childhood traumas” level of work.

therapy? mandatory.

individual and couples counseling. they’d both need to face all that baggage, which is a LOT, honestly, given their history. 

i know everyone’s mad at rafe for dumping her just because she called out his father—even if she wasn’t wrong—but remember, he was not in his right mind. he was drowning in grief, numbing himself with alcohol, desperate for any sense of validation, so yeah, he filled her space with someone else just to feel needed. it's messy as fuck and desrespectful, but it wasn't a calculated choice.

and here’s the thing: it’s been from reader's POV so far, so we haven’t seen everything. yes, she’s hurting, but she’s not entirely blameless either. there were so many situations she could’ve handled better, and you’ll get to see those moments from a different angle soon.

honestly, both of them need to grow up. while i love my baby reader to pieces, part of why she feels so isolated now is because she put all her energy into rafe and rafe alone. she never took the time to build friendships or let others in, assuming he’d always be there and she’d never need anyone else. so yeah, she’s alone while he still has people around him, but that’s not entirely his fault, either. they both need to work on themselves if they want to heal.

[stars-n-kites]

really an inexplicable train of thought but i feel like taako is the kind of person who in a modren era au would just decide to go to a shooting range and learn how to shoot a pistol for funsies, but would consider learning to spin the pistol all cool like they do in cowboy movies to be his first and foremost priority. like hes already bought a holster and the moment he is given a gun he immediately starts trying to twirl it. the instructor has to tell him to stop or theyll take the gun away from him. he keeps trying to lead the conversation back to it anyway because he really feels like theyre putting the cart before the horse here if hes learning how to shoot the gun before even knowing how to dramatically reholster it if he were to get in some sort of cowboy duel. hes actually really good at the shooting part but he gets kicked out of the class after his eighth guntwirling attempt in which he accidentally flicks the safety off mid twirl and shoots one of their light fixtures

[bigothteddies]

thinkin about how important it is for submissives to take control of their own submission and understand their own agency in kink and to communicate for themselves

[the-sussy-imposter2]

I thought Will would like messing with louise sometimes. Louise doesnt seem to like his sense of humor, though.

(Characters are will and louise from @peachnewt 's story, getting in deep !!)

[icewindandboringhorror]

"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"

I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming

[macroglossus]

actually really genuinely makes me so incredibly sick and sad to think of s1 will, who was terrified and losing his mind and no one helped him, especially not the people that he trusted. that line he has that goes "sometimes, at night, i leave the lights on in my little house, and walk across the flat fields... when I look back from a distance, the house is like a boat on the sea. it's really the only time i feel safe." and i think about how scared he was and how he had to leave that person behind, because he would've died, and in that sense he really died anyway

[huellitaa]

🎀💭 blog revamp: complete!ㅤ۫ ㅤ۪ㅤ۫ 💭 🎀ㅤ

i know i've not been very active lately, and i apologise! i have been getting my shit together in real life and online and have been working through some personal bits. i know i often go on and off of hiatuses randomly, but i'm attempting learning consistency in all areas of my life (and managing my time better because i'm absolutely terrible at it) and tumblr seems to be one of them that i need to work on too. anyway, thank you for your patience, and look forward to my usual messy, non-consistent chaotic girly posts ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 WHAT'S NEW?

my blog is now divided into two seperate parts: @hue-hearts, my music, k-pop, media, reviews, etc. blog, and @huellitaa (this blog), which is my digital diary, photo dump, glow up, chaotic it girl blog.

updated my intro post, making each of my blogs now easy to navigate and giving you all more information ♡

i still don't have a posting schedule and no i will not be using the queue. i want to post what i want when i want without being held to any kind of schedule.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I'm very excited for more content of your lights out au, I'm so eager to see just how good you can get at writing/creating angst!

oh babey. thats where i Shine.

[tamagotchikgs]

it is still so wild 2 me i have someone i can be comfortable with and even gives me More energy to spend time around i truly never thought it would be possible. never before seen in my whole 23 years of living

[genekies]

tag vent

[kaurwreck]

the vast majority of jokes that y'all insist are jokes are evidently jokes. but they're the same joke, scraped from surface impressions and regurgitated iteratively. there's humor beneath the outermost layer, too, and you're allowed to be clever, it's not illegal.

[puppyeared]

footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia

[primalshane]

Vent?? Question mark??