#and i have to be around these people knowing im not safe. that if they found out who i was i could be seriously harmed
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Look, unfortunately, Santa is actually right.
And I think it's a means of our survival.
We need to entrench ourselves in our communities, fortify our bonds, recruit sympathizers. We start where it's safe, but we start exposing these people to the fact that we're not disposable, that we're not some scapegoat.
So let's reframe "disagreeing yet remaining friends."
You don't need to agree, nor "be friends" with bigoted ideologues to practice what the Santa account is saying.
Treating them as a friend is a performance (as many human social customs are). Be polite and be interested in their personal lives, what matters to them, what they're excited for, what they're afraid of. be known in your community, whether it's as a flashy character that's a staple of the local alternative bar, or as someone who walks their dog around the neighborhood. Find ways to display your artwork somewhere in town. Do favors for people.
You can refuse to engage with the horrible bigotry.
Rejection is a subtle means of advertising "this is intolerable and I will not engage with you if you continue." If somebody brings up something volatile, simply excuse yourself to get some water. You can leave outright, or you can return and try to shift the conversation. It is very difficult to do this when the current climate is about LIFE AND DEATH to us, but it is possible. This is a means of survival. Tread carefully and keep yourself safe. Let people understand you as a being before they know you as an extension of your identity.
On a wider scale, people NEED to be exposed to these larger topics other than through rightwing propaganda.
Experiencing queer people is far better if it's firsthand. "The supreme leader hath given us a new Scapegoat" works because they have completely MONOPOLIZED the narrative of who we are to our communities. They listen to the Heritage Foundation propaganda because that's the only depiction they've seen. Yes, some of this is out of their own ignorance and malice, but you DO have the power to change minds.
People also need to experience WEIRD SHIT that isn't hurting ANYONE.
There are unironically people who hate us just because their entire perception of us is manufactured by third parties. We all have the power to change perceptions in little ways. For example, I dress up like a punk werewolf and walk to a local alternative bar through a park and bustling downtown, even past an ice cream shop. It paints a massive target on me that says "IM WEIRD, LOOK AT ME." It is terrifying and I am incredibly uncomfortable the entire walk, but I'm exposing people to my gender queer ass in the periphery (I have the privilege to do this for many reasons; I'm not exactly living in my old, conservative, shitty hometown. Your mileage may vary). I am become Exposure Therapy.
You don't have to save the world, you just have to save yourself.
Again, we must ENTRENCH ourselves in our communities. We must forge bonds that our communities don't want to sever. Take root and prepare for the storm. Your efforts alone won't save the world, but if we can all just become a valued part of the life of 1 single detractor, that would have drastic effects on the national perspective of our movement.
Isolation is the end-bringer.
Just find one thing to agree with someone on. If they're deplorable, you can just agree that the weather is shitty, but through careful conversation and creative framing, you can easily get a hardcore MAGA fanatic to agree on culture and policy issues. We often want the same things, like freedom and prosperity. Find the NUGGET under the fascist shit and say, "we both want to be safe and with our families. We're not so different afterall."
LEGITIMIZE YOURSELF!!!
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Is there anything in fanfics that you would like to explore more into?
*hastily shoves my 12 partly-written wips and 8948278 unwritten fic ideas under the bed* haha whatttt i mean maybe a few ideas but nothing craaaazy...
my wip folder rn:
cass's secret weapon… superstud.docx
gender i hardly know er.docx
i could spread YOU in the sheets.docx
jons big bro has got it going o.docx
nerd 4 geek type friendship.docx
red sub projector. i mean sun. i mean.docx
serlkon tacky earring exchange.docx
tim drake hits on supernova. whore.docx
ttk time.docx
what if im not a spicy enough boyfriend….docx
who would win. two heroes or one ouppy dog.docx
ideas that would take more than just a quick oneshot and therefore that i have not actually committed to doing yet:
tim and kon get trapped in a black mercy-esque shared dream world. for some reason, kon's mental paradise involves dating a guy who's like, almost exactly just tim, but a little to the left. what's up with that? is kon... into tim? but that can't be right because if he was, surely his dream would just involve dating tim. right? it can't just be that this is the hallucination world's solution to kon's desperate fear of ruining things and losing tim because he's convinced he's broken and not made for lasting relationships because he hasn't processed his trauma around being groomed. ...right? (and then tim proceeds to do mental gymnastics that would do the flying graysons proud.)
a rewrite of sotm that includes much more of the steels, an actual talk about the time mae told kon he wasn't worthy of the s-shield and physically ripped the patches off his costume, some real kon & kara, and more discussion of kon's suicidality.
the timkon love square au... ouhhhh it would be so fun. it'd have a backdrop of the superfam being just much more isolated than they are in canon and how that would play into their themes of loneliness in the heart of the world. and it would include tim being a nosy little fuck and being so lois lane-coded.
kon & cassie duet character study or something about their nearly simultaneous realizations of "oh fuck i'm gay" and "wait shit i'm a lesbian" and then the ensuing "oh no was i never actually into you? did i lead you on for that entire time? was i stringing you along and playing cruel games with your heart without meaning to?" guilt. and the catharsis of it all when they come out to each other and realize that this was actually why they felt drawn to each other, and why it felt so safe with each other. would delve into cassie's struggles with how people ripped into her for not being donna and for not being pretty enough, with her grief and her loneliness with the lack of her secret identity, and with her own internalized homophobia, and with kon's struggle to grapple with his previous unacknowledged relationship trauma and how therefore a relationship where his girlfriend wasn't actually into him made him feel so safe. because like. they are so so so important to each other even if it's not romantic and that is important to meeee
the "kon unionizes the labor guild" new krypton au that lives rent free in my mind but that i have not properly plotted out yet but that i still desperately need. it'd be heavy on immigrant feelings and also the kon & kal & kara trio.
...and more!!! augh!!!
#answers#watterbotleop#MANY SUCH IDEAS#NOT VERY MANY ENERGY OR TIME TO WRITE THEM#MY CURSE ! ! ! !! ! !! !
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can i say (as a bi woman) that it genuinely bothers me that like... so many ppl are like 'its not biphobic for a bisexual to have casual sex' when i don't think anyone has ever said THAT is the issue? i don't care what bisexuals do in real life. if they wanna have safe and consensual casual sex, go right ahead, idc! it's not for me but as long as i'm also being respected in my decision, idc what other people do. it just baffles me because buck in season one was talking about how he was a sex addict and how he didn't want to ruin things with abby by rushing into sex too fast because he genuinely liked her and that was like... kind of a huge part of his character? is that he DIDN'T really like the casual sex so much but actually wanted a real relationship? so why is oliver begging to have buck sleep around again when his character like... wanted more than just sex??? i don't mind character regression but it just feels like bad writing to retread that plot again.
also idc what other people say about thinking OS wasn't biphobic in his remarks. the guy dropped the ball hardcore. he could have easily said "i think buck can continue to casually explore his sexuality with other men and women now, he's still bisexual even if he's single" and it wouldn't have felt so... idk. fetishize-y to me. i'm just tired of bisexuality in fiction always being linked to promiscuity. real bisexuals can do whatever they want. but bisexuals in fiction are held to a different standard for a reason. what else should i expect from a ryan murphy show tho considering brittany on glee never called herself bisexual (bi-lingual, bi-corn) and she was portrayed the 'stupid slutty cheerleader' stereotype. i was just hoping for something different ig :(
it just makes me mad because... they didn't have to break up buck and tommy Like That. tommy could have easily had to move away and he and buck could have broken things off mutually as a result. idk sorry for ranting a bit in ur asks im just so miffed over this and over people speaking over bisexuals expressing their thoughts and concerns toward the biphobia that's going on rn :(
Sorry it took me so long to answer you, but please rant away! Honestly I agree with everything you've said. And unfortunately this really does prove that yeah, this is a Ryan Murphy show and it's par for the fucking course. I was gleek and that always bothered me too that Britney would never say it (and most of her characterization in general was just awful)
I wish Oliver had said something different, I wish he hadn't worded it that way. And again, people can have their opinions but it just feels so gross given how the show decided to do this.
They could've had bucktommy break up in any other way for any other reason. They brought up the Abby plot, they could've used that as the hurdle. They could have had them talk about wanting different things in a relationship. Literally anything that wasn't Tommy basically telling Buck it's over because he's not enough of a stereotype. Because bisexuals don't know what they want. Clearly.
It's very infuriating and I'm so sorry that yet another piece of media treated bisexual people like fucking shit.
And it's really fucking infuriating that people who aren't bisexual are defending Oliver over his comment. Again, have your different opinions but don't speak over people that are bi and already have to deal with biphobia in our shitty society
This show went about it all in an awful way, and I'm really sad that we were all tricked into believing they'd handle it better
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can u plsssss yap more Abt ur opinions of fanon Marlene more??? I agree with everything u said Abt the rant Abt fanon Remus, James, Sirius, regulus, and Marlene, but wanna hear more abt her (and maybe the other girls too???)
yes bby OKAY so.
i lowk hate marlene's fanon. she's so mean lesbian and i dont . i dont like that. mainly because she's only mean to sirius (&is a remus dickrider lowk,) and like . i hate men too bby but like there is a time and place for it yk idk. i get that bc her personality is entirely headcanoned its more necessary to 2d-ify her but i wish she had more personality than liking effie, being mean and being a lesbian :(
lily !!!!!!!!!!!! let her be dumb. please. i want my silly goofy girl. also !!!! i see a lot of content of her being discriminated which yes true because muggleborn but i feel like it's canon/safe to assume that she's well off !! i want to see more cunt lily. but not like a bitch yk just a cunt. also !!! more lily getting in trouble AND GETTING CAUGHT please. please. she's not a super genius mastermind who can play the godliest pranks with her girls and then never get in trouble. more flawed women please.
also !!!! this is specifically @ people who pair james w someone else (jegulus, bambibelle, wolfbucks, etc.) i dont like. actually. i lowk hate when lily's a lesbian. like bfr is the only reason shes not w james bc shes a lesbian? i love marylily and stuff but i feel like i want to see more lily with a man (i KNOW what this sounds like i swear im not being like 'STRAIGHT REP MATTERS AS MUCH AS LGBT REP 😠😠' )
i want to get into moonflower but like idk any fics yk. ☹️. and !!! i want to see her studied without having a love interest. OH AND i want to see her not end up single in james/man ship fics. idk why this peeves me. i think this goes for a lot of women actually. like idk let her find someone yk. oh and !!! this is just a random fandom complaint but like just because someone is single doesnt mean theyre aroace. sometimes people are just single!
also !!! more lily friendships. more lily as a popular girl. as liking quidditch. i feel like she's so underdeveloped even though she's the ONLY marauders era girl we have SO MUCH information on. :((
MARY MACDONALDDD my BELOVED . my BETROTHED. i love her. but. shes so oversexualized. i say this as someone who also views her as dating around a lot btw not shading anyone but like . !!!!!!!! she should be seen as more than that. same as lily, let her be seen as a character and judged as one before you ship her with someone. also, idk again why this bothers me since i dont see her as that, but i feel like i require some insecure mary content. just like a mess of insecurities, ACTUAL insecurities which are real and not simply in her head because she's the most drop dead gorgeous girl in the whole world. maybe as a mother. i love her as a mother. because mother mary skfsk. ummm yeah . i love her. my wife. please treat her right guys. ALSO if someone has any mary centric fics haha . give me.
#i love the#marauders girls#the marauders era#harry potter marauders#hp marauders#marauders era#the marauders#marauders fandom#marauders#dead gay wizards from the 70s#dead gay wizards#mauraders#mauraders fan#dead wizards from the 70s#dead gay witches#dead gay witches from the 70s#mary macdonald#marlene mckinnon#lily evans#lily potter#lily evans potter#anti fanon#anti marauders fanon#anti marauders fandom#anti lily evans fanon#anti lily potter fanon#anti mary macdonald fanon#anti marlene mckinnon fanon#fatims asks
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Again with the "hi im also a Jew in Aotearoa" reblog, ive also noticed a huge rise in antisemitism. Since oct 7 i have felt increasingly unsafe existing as a Jewish person. I also happen to live in an area that is very largely leftist (or at least my circles in the area are) and i honestly feel most unsafe because of the leftists. Ive seen posters that are very clearly antisemitic everywhere, and the ones i saw calling for the freeing of hostages were crossed out and torn down. Ive shared this before but a pride event put in their kaupapa that theyre anti-zionist and my mum wore a hebrew shirt to the event (she went despite the anti-zionist stuff because its pride and she wanted to go) that said pride in rainbow letters. She was going to wear it regardless of the events kaupapa, and it was clearly a pride shirt, but she got disgusted looks from a lot of people.
Ive been using my dads last name out of concern for my safety due to having a very Jewish last name from my mum. I hate my dads name and it makes me feel sick to use it, but its for my safety. I always use my chosen name because its English, and when people ask about my birth name, which is Hebrew, and I tell them its Hebrew they again give disgusted looks. Prior to Oct 7 people would be interested in the story of my mum growing up in Jerusalem and how important being Jewish is to us, but now I just say the name was chosen because of the singer. I dont want to say the truth because im scared ill get hurt.
My mother overshares a lot and cant resist telling people about how she grew up in Israel and how important to her it is to go back some day, and every time she says it I prepare for the worst. The worst that's happened is again, the look, but im always scared.
All the leftists i know love hamas, some are celebrating the Amsterdam pogrom, they all dropped me for saying Jewish people have a right to exist in Israel. Not even saying Im a zionist, just saying Jews are indigenous and have rights. They dropped me. They put out "bewares" on socials.
I go to a yearly drama camp and so many people from there that i considered friends did things like that and i almost didnt apply to go back next year despite how much i love it. When i go back i will be shutting my mouth and keeping my head down because i do not want to ruin the experience.
It is unsafe to be Jewish here. Good friends have been cruel. Strangers are terrifying. I wont ever tell people Im Jewish if they dont already know because im so worried they will hate me.
I wanted to go to university, but the university i want to go to doesnt seem all that safe for me as a Jew anymore.
Ive lost countless friends since Oct 7.
To answer the askers question of "is anyone standing up for your community", no. Theyre doing the opposite. Heck even our own community turns on us (see: the book jewish not zionist, written by a member of my local Jewish community, who says Jews arent oppressed in Aotearoa). I think I know one or two people who arent Jewish who are standing up for us and standing with us at this time.
Also, in my town theres a big event in the city for Hannukah each year. I dont know if it happened last year, because i wasnt in town, but im worried about it this year. Its an event that i love so much. One of the few chances to meet other Jewish people in the area that dont go to the same synagogue. There is always a large police presence around, and i fear this year it will be worse. Hell im willing to bet there will be protests about it! Im worried it wont even happen. I hope it does and i pray we will all be safe, because its such a great event that i look forward to all year.
I would invite my best friend to come along as its a tradition for my family that we bring friends to share our culture with them, but my best friend is so loudly anti-zionist that if she agreed to come (i doubt she would) she would definitely cause issues. I imagine if theres protests shell be on that side.
It fucking sucks to be Jewish right now. Honestly it always has, ive never felt safe as a Jewish person in Aotearoa, but its so much worse now. We are lucky compared to other places, but its still not good.
Sorry for the long rant of a reblog btw, OP. Kinda just wanted to vent my experience since I dont think theres many other Jewish people from Aotearoa on this hellsite.
how bad is it to be jewish in NZ right now? is anyone standing up for your community? where i am antisemitism has gotten pretty bad and it feels like almost no one other than jews or ppl who are part jewish or married to jews is calling it out.
Per data from the community security group, post oct 7th to March, antisemitism increased 600%.
And this is only reported incidents.
There are not really anyone besides jews standing up for us.
The holocaust centre is getting involved with antisemitism at a university just for the sheer fucking amount of it. Leftist circles are practically rife with it.
I'd consider my ex friends to be your average leftist, like not far left but almost there. And they're super antisemitic. Celebrating the Amsterdam pogrom, calling hamas a resistance group, supporting the houthi etc.
The only support I've seen outside of jewish circles is a coworker tearing down antisemitic pro Palestine posters near our office. Like these weren't regular posters, they were antisemitic instead of being just pro Palestine
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really an inexplicable train of thought but i feel like taako is the kind of person who in a modren era au would just decide to go to a shooting range and learn how to shoot a pistol for funsies, but would consider learning to spin the pistol all cool like they do in cowboy movies to be his first and foremost priority. like hes already bought a holster and the moment he is given a gun he immediately starts trying to twirl it. the instructor has to tell him to stop or theyll take the gun away from him. he keeps trying to lead the conversation back to it anyway because he really feels like theyre putting the cart before the horse here if hes learning how to shoot the gun before even knowing how to dramatically reholster it if he were to get in some sort of cowboy duel. hes actually really good at the shooting part but he gets kicked out of the class after his eighth guntwirling attempt in which he accidentally flicks the safety off mid twirl and shoots one of their light fixtures
#taz balance#taz taako#i dont know shit abt guns so i had to google a bunch of stuff to see if this even made sense#'surely they would have taken the gun away from him before attempt number 8' ok see heres how im imagining the timeline#moment he is given the gun he gets in two twirl attempts right off the bat before the instructor manages to stop him#attempts number 3-5 are done in a 6 second window in which the instructor makes the mistake of turning around and not looking at him#he is then told he needs to take this seriously and they can and will remove him from the range if necessary#attempt 6 he just does on instinct and hes like cmahn you cant count that one i didnt even mean to do it. did you see it tho it was rad#he is then told if he does it again he will be kicked out#youll never believe this but he does it again#the instructor tries to take the gun from him and he decides it is a really smart and good idea to back up into the main area#ie the area where not everything is made to be safe to shoot and there are light fixtures and people in there#and try to twirl the gun yet a fucking gain . which is the attempt where he shoots out a ceiling light#to be fair he is just a silly little guy
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i feel sick
#i know fearmongering doesn't help but i can't stop shaking#i feel like on top of the very real danger for anyone who's not white/straight/cis/male#we're going to have a magor cleansing of the online content i love#my brain cant even wrap around how to begin to be normal right now#i have fucking work today#i feel like life was supposed to be starting and now its over#and i know. life prevails#but i want a good life. i want the people i care about to be safe. i want to be able to have a partner one day.#i want to enjoy queer content online#i cant formulate thoughts right now#and im aorry for adding to what's certainly just doom typing#but im struggling to see any way this is not goong to destroy every part of my life i hold dear
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thinkin about how important it is for submissives to take control of their own submission and understand their own agency in kink and to communicate for themselves
#sometimes…sometimes the little ‘uwu I can’t talk about what I want ! don’t make me say anything durinh sex i wont be able to! im so shyy!’#really starts to concern me#cause its like…you guys arent using this as a crutch to deny responsibility for your own sexuality and submission right???? right????#like you have to be able to confront the fact that you want sex and are an active participant in a scene#sex isnt something thats supposed to *happen* to you its something you’re supposed to *do*#and im sure its just the internet echo chamber throwing things around at me !#cause i think most people know this but i just see sooooo many fucking posts#‘uwu if you try to talk to me during sex i wont be able to!’ ‘uwu i cant tell anyone what i want in sexxx youll just have to drag it oit of#me im so embarrassed!’#like guys…we’re not damsels in distress here and youre supposed to be an active participant in your own sex life#being a safe participant in kink means bein able to recognize your agency in sex and communicating your desires your comforts your boundari#s and more !#anyways#its genuinely not a big deal i just let myself get wound up by internet posts#which im trying to make happen less because theres no reason for rhat to be happening to me constantly 🫶🏻#unimportant thoughts
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I thought Will would like messing with louise sometimes. Louise doesnt seem to like his sense of humor, though.
(Characters are will and louise from @peachnewt 's story, getting in deep !!)
#okay so im gonna say this in the tags cause im too much of a pussy to say it for real#but ive never interacted with any vore communities before#mostly because ive always felt like it was too “weird”. also ive just never found any i was really felt comfortable with#but recently (after literal years of figuring myself out and feeling like i was crazy) ive realised i do actually want to talk to you guys#it probably sounds dumb but finding GID and actually exploring a bit of the community here has shown me#that there ARE people like me. with the same experiences and feelings.#after spending my whole life feeling like a freak. finally meeting people who are just like me#okay that really does sound cringe but you know what i mean right?#idk. ive felt more seen and “normal” about myself in the last week than i have in forever#and i guess i just hope you guys can show me around the place and talk to me about the things that have been stuck in my head for forever#finding this insanely niche community of “nonsexual comfort safe vore” or whatever other terms can be used#has seriously changed a lot for me#and i cant wait to talk to all of you more \:]#gid fanart#will and louise gid
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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actually really genuinely makes me so incredibly sick and sad to think of s1 will, who was terrified and losing his mind and no one helped him, especially not the people that he trusted. that line he has that goes "sometimes, at night, i leave the lights on in my little house, and walk across the flat fields... when I look back from a distance, the house is like a boat on the sea. it's really the only time i feel safe." and i think about how scared he was and how he had to leave that person behind, because he would've died, and in that sense he really died anyway
#hannibal#and it's hard because i do like hannibal as a character! and i know that's really what the show is about i.e showing that he doesn't have#the same morals as regular people and he sees will as incredibly vulnerable and with incredible potential. so he targets that potential#and will did grow into that dark potential! but in doing so he had to basically leave a significant part of himself behind#but he was SO SCARED. and completely alone except for his dogs. because every single person around him just wanted something from him#and he was losing his mind! i know in a diluted sense how incredibly hard it is to understand that youre acting crazy and understand that#everyone around you is losing their patience. and so he turned to hannibal. and hannibal betrayed him in really the worst way possible#because he wanted to see what would happen. agh.#and he walked to the edge of the trees anyway and turned back to his little house like a boat and felt safe. FUCK#what im saying is that it really isnt fair but there was no world in which it wouldve been fair really. even a world without hannibal#because the world isnt fair to will graham
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🎀💭 blog revamp: complete!ㅤ۫ ㅤ۪ㅤ۫ 💭 🎀ㅤ
i know i've not been very active lately, and i apologise! i have been getting my shit together in real life and online and have been working through some personal bits. i know i often go on and off of hiatuses randomly, but i'm attempting learning consistency in all areas of my life (and managing my time better because i'm absolutely terrible at it) and tumblr seems to be one of them that i need to work on too. anyway, thank you for your patience, and look forward to my usual messy, non-consistent chaotic girly posts ♡
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 WHAT'S NEW?
my blog is now divided into two seperate parts: @hue-hearts, my music, k-pop, media, reviews, etc. blog, and @huellitaa (this blog), which is my digital diary, photo dump, glow up, chaotic it girl blog.
updated my intro post, making each of my blogs now easy to navigate and giving you all more information ♡
i still don't have a posting schedule and no i will not be using the queue. i want to post what i want when i want without being held to any kind of schedule.
#announcements ୨𖹭୧#IM NOT LYING THIS TIME I SWEAR GUYS.#sappy-ish rant below 💭🎀#im so happy with how i've redone my blog(s) and i think they're SOOO CUTE AJFJSKFJJD#and i want to use this as my digital diary a little more#because tumblr really is a safe space for me and is like. my most treasured possession 😭#my blog is my baby if i lost her i lost me#but anyway. theres almost two thousand people who actually care about my nonsense and it warms my heart#it sounds so depressing#but i am very used to being overlooked or ignored and unappreciated#and knowing almost two thousand people or around that care about what i have to say makes my heart so full i want to burst#it's such a small thing but truly i am so grateful for everything in my life#especially the privelege of having met everybody on this little platform and having it become an essential part of my life 💕#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#female insanity#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#im just a girl#announcement#girl code#pink blog#girlcore#girlworld#girl therapy#girl thoughts
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I'm very excited for more content of your lights out au, I'm so eager to see just how good you can get at writing/creating angst!
oh babey. thats where i Shine.
#i have gotten many a fic comment where people curse me out and/or say that they cried#sometimes i get someone saying i made them sob#its a compliment every time and i strive for it!#i dont fuck around with my fics i Do Not Hold Back and that is a Warning#this is the only aspect of my creations that im confident in#and hopefully soon you'll all See! you will see.#just a little taste its nothing too intense really.#id label it more hurt/comfort than straight up angst#but yeah if people arent crying im doing it wrong#i rarely do it wrong.#JESTING JESTING im not That good. now im just exaggerating for a Humorous Touch#rambles from the bog#i might. miiiiiight. might might might maybe mayhaps might#write a certain scene from lights out that everyone already knows will happen#so... might as well dust off my hurt / no comfort skills#could be fun. i want to hurt people again#in a good safe 'you Chose to read this' way#theres a certain feeling that comes with being someone who enjoys writing angst#the happiness i get from people telling me my writing hurt them. Yes <3#so so validating. so fulfilling.#just read through some old fic comments on my better works and mmmmm talk about an ego boost....
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it is still so wild 2 me i have someone i can be comfortable with and even gives me More energy to spend time around i truly never thought it would be possible. never before seen in my whole 23 years of living
#even when im alone im just damn wish my bf was here rn :[ wish i could listen 2 them talk rn :[[#doing anything like hrm :( wish they were here experiencing this with me#when usually the second an interaction is done with anyone i retreat and go to writhe in embarrassment at even having been perceived#the shame of existing Gets Me#the less people around at any given point makes me stronger n more safe#but not w them... .. . with them i am Safe.. .#for the first time ever#and im capable of being silly n having fun instead of stiff n terrified and frozen into mutism#i hav tried my whole life to be social#n i never could get it to work#i never felt comfortable even w friends i had for years or even my exgf or family#n yet somehow.. .. it just Happened.. . n now im here#& i still dont know how#but i am so yippee#& i am so in lov#i got em.. .#best person in the world#funniest hottest loveliest coolest most loving person
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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the vast majority of jokes that y'all insist are jokes are evidently jokes. but they're the same joke, scraped from surface impressions and regurgitated iteratively. there's humor beneath the outermost layer, too, and you're allowed to be clever, it's not illegal.
#i was unfortunately raised by very funny and clever people#and im a little too into comedy as a genre which isnt like a merit to my personality#but it's so hard to be playful with a dead horse that's impacted in the ground from the force with which it has been beaten#and i do get to be absurd and playful privately but it's so. obnoxious. how ironically patronizing it starts to get in public online spaces#to be told emphatically it's a joke!#since often either (1) i was also joking and you didnt get it but i dont think im entitled to your humor if it's not landing#or (2) i know but its the only thing anyone's saying and it wasnt funny the first 100 times either#but it would be impolite to say i know it's a joke but there are more interesting things to say or add or dig into here#so i dont! and i get that if someone isnt picking up what i have to put down it's my responsibility to move on#and then sometimes yall get real rude#anyway the secret (3)rd thing is where i did not get the joke lmao or i wasnt sure so i tried to for sincerity to be safe#which does happen#but in those situations too. im always impressed by how its turned around on the person who didnt get the joke.#and never a reflection of the quality of the joke#idk it's occurring to me that sometimes people may say joke when they mean that theyre being flippant and dont want to engage#in which case. why not say that.#anyway tl;dr being funny is a skill and im probably a little autistic
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