#and i have a fucking essay to write tomorrow and the more i think about it the more it's just stressing me out

[spaciebabie]

you get ta college and realize that everybody here is just Some Guy™ and has been Some Guy™ for their whole lives. the veteran seniors are having breakdowns right next ta the freshmen in the library, our final essays for the semester are started and finished two days b4 its supposed ta b turned in and all our rough drafts look like somebody rubbed 3 braincells on a google doc and then puked on it

[ifyourereadingthisblinktwice]

i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it

[ineffable-gallimaufry]

guys i am going to die ngl

[celuere]

Grading Homework

Context: you try to help Arlecchino grading the children’s homework and run into some obstacles. One of them being modern slang

Content: sfw, use of modern slang, this is a crack fic please don’t take it serious but I couldn’t stop thinking about this after her voiceline in the imaginarium theatre, oh yeah also reader is a fatui researcher (totally not inspired by my oc)

Also something something about Arle having to use reading glasses😩 ALSO PLS SEND IDEAS ETC IN MY INBOX I‘D LOVE TO READ THROUGH THEM!!!! (Read pinned first tho🙏🏼)

„Darling… do you maybe need some help…?“, you placed a hand on her desk as you bent down next to her. Red marker in her hand as she adjusts the position of the reading glasses on top of her nose.

„I‘ve told the children numerous times now to stop using their… extraordinary vernacular in their homework. And here I am trying to decipher this sentence.“, an annoyed huff escapes her lips as she held up the paper for you.

You raised an eyebrow as you took it from her hand. „Surely you must be exaggerating…“, your eyes slowly skimmed over the letters as confusion starts to write itself all over your face. You were by absolutely no means stupid, hell you have a doctorate, you were one of Sumeru Academias best graduates.

But what the fuck.

„What the hell does „gyat“ and… „rizzing up“ even mean?“, now you were the one grabbing after the red marker, setting a big question mark behind the strange sounding words.

„If you think that‘s bad, please have a look at Etienne‘s essay.“, she handed you another paper, your eyes widening at all the red underlined sentences. There wasn’t a single line on this paper where she didn’t write a remark down.

„I… Is… Is that a songtext…? I mean we know Etienne is more on the… special side but… I‘m pretty sure „Gegadigedage“ isn’t even a real word… maybe I should have a look at him…“, it‘s actually not uncommon for you to take care of the children whenever they’re sick or if there might be something going on with them. Maybe he fell onto his head and earned himself a little concussion, you never know.

„No… I don’t think there is something inherently wrong with them. They’re simply just being children but… Celestia above, I just want to grade a single paper without having to look things up in a dictionary.“, believe it or not, the fourth Fatui Harbinger seems troubled for once. Troubled by her children using modern slang. You bit back a laugh at the sheer irony.

Chuckling to yourself, you placed your hands on her shoulders as you gently kissed the top of her head. „Oh poor you… I can technically see the wheels in your head slowing down…“

„Very funny.“, she took off her glasses, „but since you offered your help so nicely earlier…”, she got up from her desk in a swift motion, dropping the stack of papers in your hands as she did so.

Eh?

You merely blinked and she was already at the door of her office „I‘d very much appreciate it if you’d grade these until tomorrow, dear. I really owe you my gratitude, doctor.“, and out she was.

Silence filled the room.

In absolute disbelief you stared at the dark wooden door where she just stood at mere moments ago, the clacking sounds of her heels growing quieter and quieter as if she was in a rush to get out of the house. Slowly, you lowered your eyes to the sheets of papers in your arms.

„You little…“

She simply just waited for the opportunity.

Divorce never sounded so good.

———————

This was actually a lot longer but my tumblr decided to just not- save whatever I was writing in the last paragraphs and I didn’t even remember a single thing from them, I‘ll probably rewrite this later!

[thewritingrowlet]

The Outing Trip pt. 3, ft. tripleS Xinyu, Dahyun, Nakyoung

tags: deepthroat, creampie, squirting, first time anal, anal creampie, cheating (again), FFM, girl-on-girl (just a bit)

word count: ~9k

author's note: this took a bit longer than I had anticipated, but I hope it's satisfactory nonetheless. I plan to write another tripleS fic based on one of the ideas in my inbox, please look forward to it.

-

You’re ready to send Xinyu back to her room after giving her a shower and making sure that she’s presentable should anyone see her on the way back. “I’m glad I didn’t mark you; it’d be awkward if someone saw you running around with hickeys on your neck”, you comment as you comb her hair. “I mean, I have concealers”, she says, “but I get your point”.

You go in for a quick good night kiss before she leaves. “Can I ask what you’re doing with the video?”, you question her. Xinyu shows you a cheeky smile, “you’ll see soon enough—I promise I won’t leak it, oppa”. You make her do a pinky promise before sending her away, “I love you, baby—we’ll be going over their essays tomorrow morning, okay? Good night”. Xinyu waves at you as she’s leaving the room, “love you more, oppa. Good night”.

-

You woke up at 4 am, way before your alarm had the chance to buzz. You feel refreshed even though you didn’t sleep as much as you usually do, and you have Xinyu to thank for that; “sex is the best thing to do before sleep, oppa”, she said some time ago. You decide to spend the time by exercising, maybe do a shootaround if you’re lucky. As you enter the resort’s gym, you see a basketball sitting on a rack by its lonesome, and you’re tempted to skip warmup and mess around with it, but you don’t want to risk getting a cramp. You decide to take the ball with you to make sure no one steals it from you.

You start the treadmill at the lowest speed and walk on it for 5 minutes before increasing the speed and repeating it until you reach your walking speed limit to make sure that your body is fully awake before you do anything else. You then get off the treadmill and lift some weights, adding the weight after each two eight-count reps until you reach 80 kg.

“Surely that’s enough warmup; time to have fun now. What do you guys think?”, you ask the empty gym and get no answer, “great minds think alike, hey?”. You feel excited to be able to play basketball after not having played for months; “I hope I don’t miss too much; that’d be embarrassing—not that there’s anyone watching”, you utter. “I’m watching”, a girl says behind you, and you almost pass out from the shock. “What the fuck are you doing, Dahyun-ah?”, you ask her. “I always wake up around this time, oppa—what are you doing?”, she points at you. “Just trying to move my body a bit; we’ve been sitting a lot, haven’t we?”, you shrug, “how did you know I’m here, though?”. “I was on my phone when I heard your door open and close again, so I decided to check and sneakily followed you here”, she says, “please, start doing whatever you came here for”.

You stand on the free throw line and take your first shot, making it go through cleanly with the help of muscle memory. “Whoo!”, Dahyun cheers you, “more, oppa!”. You’d be lying if you said that her cheers don’t excite you, as you’re smiling like a kid after making each shot from the same spot. After consistently making a handful of shots from the line, you move to the top of the key and attempt the first long range shot of the day. Time seemingly slows down as the ball leaves your hand and makes its way to the rim, your eyes locked on to it the whole time. The satisfying sound the nylon nets makes when the ball goes through the rim makes you feel like you’re about to bust, and you’re met with Dahyun’s loud cheer. “My God, you’re such a do-it-all, aren’t you?”, she says.

You pick up the ball and looks at Dahyun with a smile. You see that she has ditched her jacket and undone the first few buttons of her pajama top; her cleavage exposed for you to see. You pretend to not see it, but Dahyun bends backwards just enough to make you drool; “I thought you’ve promised to not do this again ever? Do not betray Xinyu, boy”, the angel on your shoulder warns you. You try your hardest to shake off the thoughts and focus on playing basketball again.

-

“Oppa, you’re so fucking hot”, Dahyun says as you walk up to her, your T-shirt drenched in sweat. “I smell, though”, you sniff your armpits, “oh, God, that is foul”. Dahyun gets on her tippy toes right in your face, getting dangerously close to you, “I haven’t had your cock in my pussy, oppa; when will you give it to me? Do I not deserve it, oppa?”. You take a deep breath and think about your options. That is, until you hear a familiar voice in your head; “go on, son; give her what she wants”, the devil says, “you don’t want to waste this opportunity, do you?”. You take a few seconds of silence and wait for the angel to make a counter argument, but you hear none—he’s probably busy trying to find the biggest hammer to smack you in the back of the head with; “okay, fine; you want it? Come get it”, you say to Dahyun.

You take off your soaked T-shirt before sitting down on the bench next to Dahyun. She then moves to straddle your lap and comes in for a kiss. “We need to talk as soon as we leave this place, sweetie”, you say to her. “Mmh, sure”, Dahyun says as she moves to kneel between your legs, “give it to me, oppa—please, I can’t wait any more”. You take off your shorts along with your boxers, and your cock jumps out and smacks Dahyun in the face. You mutter a soft “sorry” to her, but she dismisses it, “getting hit in the face with a cock is my favorite pastime”.

Dahyun parts her lips and wrap them around your cock, making you let out a low moan at the first contact. You pet her head softly as she’s busy taking your cock deep, “good job, sweetie; keep going, okay?”. Dahyun, hearing your approval, goes straight down and stuffs her throat with your cock without gagging; an incredible feat, all things considered. “You’re such a good girl, aren’t you, sweetie?”, you say to her between moans. Feeling suffocated, however, Dahyun removes your cock from her throat with a sharp gasp and falls backwards onto her butt. “Holy fuck, oppa”, she says, her chin painted with spit, “I can’t; I’m sorry”. You pull her into your lap and peck her cheek, “it’s okay, sweetie; you tried your best. Let’s catch our breaths for now, okay?”. Dahyun nods and tucks her head under your chin as she tries to compose herself.

“Oppa, can I put it in?”, she asks you after getting herself together. Your heart rate instantly spikes thanks to her question, and you’re not entirely sure if you’ll let her do it. Dahyun, seeing you be unresponsive, asks again, “please, oppa; I’ll make it worthwhile for you”. You look at her right in the eyes and see her genuine desperation, so you agree to her request for sex. “We need to be quick, though, sweetie”, you say to her.

Dahyun lifts her butt off your lap just enough so that she can put your cock in her pussy. She lets out a long moan as she slowly sits down on your cock. “S-so big—ah-ah, fuck”, she says when your shaft is fully inside her. “Come on, sweetie; let’s do this”, you whisper to her ear, and she replies to you with a nod. You hold Dahyun by the waist and thrust up roughly, making her yelp loudly in surprise. “Oppa—ngh, fuck—yes-yes, I love it”, she chants softly into your ears. Dahyun’s ability to control her volume during sex is admirable—Xinyu would just scream as loud as she could if given even the slightest chance.

You keep bouncing Dahyun on your cock until Dahyun calls for a timeout. “Oppa, please—angh-ah—stop for a moment”, she says. “You okay?”, you ask while panting, exhaustion finally catching on. Dahyun pants a few times before answering, “I-I’m so close, oppa”. You’re confused; if she’s so close, why would she want to take a break? Wouldn’t it be better to keep going until she reaches her orgasm? “I want to make sure if you’re close too; I-I want to cum with you”, she says. “Aha, that’s why”, you think to yourself, “if you can keep gripping me like this, I’ll cum soon”.

You stand up from the bench and hook her legs with your arms. “You ready? We’ll cum together, sweetie”, you say to Dahyun. She gives you a nod, thus you start smashing your cock into her pussy roughly to get yourself and Dahyun to the finish line before people start waking up. The rough fucking, combined with the unfavorable position, makes Dahyun scream loudly—you silently wish you had another hand to cover her mouth and stifle her screams with.

“I’M CUMMING!”, Dahyun shrieks before biting her lips to mute the sound. Dahyun’s body starts shaking violently as orgasm takes her to the sky, removing your cock from her pussy in the process. You hear the slosh of her juice hit the wooden floor underneath you. “Do you always squirt, sweetie?”, you ask her. “Ngh, fuck—o-only when I’m with you”, she answers, “I-I don’t squirt when I touch myself”. You free her from your arms and have her stand up next to you so that she doesn’t step in the puddle.

You move her hair that is covering half her face before giving her a peck in the forehead; “I’m glad I can please you”, you say to her. Dahyun smiles in gratitude before coming in for a fleeting kiss. “What about you, oppa? You didn’t cum”, she asks, seemingly concerned about your pleasure. “Don’t worry about me, sweetie; I’ll figure something out. I’ll see you after your team building, okay?”, you say to her. Dahyun tidies her clothes and leaves you alone in the empty gym. You wipe Dahyun’s little puddle with the dry part of your T-shirt; “people should think this is sweat”, you say to yourself.

You text Xinyu as you’re leaving the gym, telling her that you want to have a little bit of morning sexbefore essay review. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be there”, she replies.Xinyu is standing in front of your room when you arrive. Seeing that you’re shirtless, Xinyu bites her bottom lip sensually. “God, you’re so hot, oppa”, she comments as you drag her into your room.

Guilt starts creeping up on you as you watch Xinyu take off her clothes, “I can’t believe I called Xinyu to finish Dahyun’s job—fuck”. You’re lost in the sea of thoughts until Xinyu throws you a lifebuoy, “oppa, are you okay? Thinking about something?”. “I’m sorry, love”, you deflect, “something came to mind—it’s okay, though; it’s not important”. You pull Xinyu into your lap before expressing your love, and you’re trying your hardest to maintain your boner despite the surge of guilt and uncertainty.

“Oppa, you don’t seem to be in the correct state of mind for this”, Xinyu says, “talk to me, please”. You decide to tell her about your relationship with Dahyun without revealing too much detail; “Dahyun-ie has been chasing me around, Xinyu-yah. She’s said multiple times that she likes me, a-and I don’t know how to act”. You close your eyes and brace yourself for a hard slap from Xinyu, but it never lands. “Is that why you cried in front of Professor Kim, oppa? Because you didn’t know how you could please us both at the same time?”, she asks, her tone soft as silk. You answer her question with a nod, “I wasn’t sure if I could talk to you about it, so I kept it to myself. That is, until Dahyun pressed on and proposed to be my side chick, and I didn’t know what to do”. Xinyu holds your head with both hands and kisses you, “we’ll talk about this again soon, okay? Do you still want to have sex?”. You let Xinyu go from your embrace wordlessly, and she starts putting on her clothes again. “There’s nothing to worry about, oppa; I still love you and will continue to love you”, she says.

Xinyu pulls you into bed and lies down on your body, “let’s cuddle until breakfast time, oppa”. She is really doing her best to comfort you and remind you how much she loves you, and despite knowing that she means well, it makes you feel more and more guilty for giving Dahyun even the smallest chance to be with you—cock-in-pussy sex isn’t small, though; let’s be for real for a second. “Oppa, say something, please”, she says while poking your stomach playfully. “I love you, baby”, you say to her, “I love you so much”. Xinyu looks at you and shows you her cute smile, which you adore so much, “I love you too, oppa”.

-

After having breakfast with everyone at the resort’s restaurant, you head back to your room with Xinyu and invite Nakyoung and the ministers over for essay review. “Welcome, guys”, Xinyu greets them as they enter the room. Aecha immediately hugs Xinyu and starts sobbing, “my brother’s platelet level is dropping, Xinyu-yah, and-and I-I want to go home—let me go home, please”. Xinyu looks at you over her shoulder and you nod to her in approval. “Of course, Aecha-yah. We’ll find you a bus after this, okay?”, Xinyu says.

Everyone sits in a circle on the floor to review project ideas the recruits have come up with yesterday. Aecha says that she has chosen her top 2 and hands them to Nakyoung—Aecha has always been the diligent one, and the fact that Jaehwan is sick motivated her to work faster so that she can leave sooner. Xinyu whispers to you and asks for permission to take Aecha for a walk. “Go on, baby; try and make Aecha feel better, okay?”, you give Xinyu your approval.

After Xinyu and Aecha leave, you and the others start going over the essays on your laptops and tablets, breaking them down one by one and determining if it can be implemented in the future. You hear Nakyoung laugh as she reads an essay. “This one is similar to the project that made Xinyu cry back then”, Nakyoung tells you, “surely you won’t approve, right, oppa?”. “Let’s put that to the side for now; I need to hear Xinyu’s opinion before we can decide if want to throw that into the bin”, you say to her.

-

Xinyu ended up not returning to the meeting, knocking on your door about an hour after the review had finished. “Hi, oppa”, she says in a low-spirited voice, “Aecha is on the bus heading to the city”. “No wonder you two didn’t return—thanks for taking care of her, baby”, you say to her. Xinyu drags you to the bed and sits on your lap, “Aecha was quite adamant about going home, so I thought I might as well help her go home”. You peck her forehead in praise, “you did very well, baby; I’m proud of you. Did you check on the others, by the way? Are they done with team building?”. “Actually, I talked with Dahyun-ie”, she reveals, “I know about your little romance”. “Ah, fuck”, you say in your head, “I’m so fucking dead”.

“Yah, are you listening or not?”, Xinyu gets off your lap and calls out to you, snapping you out of your silence. You dare not look at her in the eyes, “y-yes, I am, baby”. She slaps you with all her might, and you hear a sob after. “Don’t call me that, Jung Jisung—you fucking lied to me”, she says as tears run down her cheeks, “sightseeing? Really?”. You can’t come up with anything else but an apology, and you know full well that it isn’t enough. “Tell me what happened on the ferry—go on, lie to me again; I fucking dare you”, she threatens. “I, um, I got a blowjob from Dahyun-ie”, you confess, still not looking at her in the eyes. “What happened to your honesty, hm? Did you throw it into the sea or something? Did you send it down to her throat along with your cum?”, she asks in disbelief as she breaks down in tears. You try to approach her slowly, but Xinyu retreats and looks at you in disgust. “Baby, I’m sorry” is the only sentence you managed to come up with. “I don’t want to talk to you; I’m leaving”, Xinyu says as she walks out of the door, leaving you alone to simmer in regret and shame.

You hear some rapid knocks on the door, and you see through the hole that it’s Nakyoung, seemingly mad about something. She slaps you in the cheek forcefully as soon as you open the door. “Fuck you”, she says after the slap, “you broke her heart, you fucking asshole”. If this were any normal situation, you’d be hurt by the manner of her speech, but considering the events prior, you’re more shameful than offended. “I’m sorry”, you say to her. “I don’t want your apology, but I want you to be a man and fix this mess—are we clear?”, she delivers her demand while pressing her index finger on your chest, her eyes fiery. Seeing that you’re not answering, she asks again if you understand her words. “Yes, I understand”, you say, letting out a depressed sigh after.

Nakyoung leaves after delivering her demands, slamming the door as she does. You feel your phone vibrate a few times in your pocket as you’re getting back to bed.

[🍒] I’m sorry I ruined it for you I’m so sorry I’ll leave you two alone from now on I’m sorry for everything

No matter how much Dahyun feels guilty, you’re still the one at fault for falling for the devil’s deception and hurting your beloved girlfriend who, quote, “has been with you through storms and tranquility”. “Ah, fuck, I’m so fucking stupid”, you slap yourself in the forehead, “fuck, Xinyu, I’m so sorry, baby”. “The audacity to call her ‘baby’ after all this bullshit you’ve pulled”, the angel returns with an insult, and you hope that he has found a sledgehammer to smash your head in with.

You muster up the courage and text Professor Kim, hoping that she’ll allow you to talk to her and ask for counsel. She calls you a few minutes after you sent the text. “Hello, president. You want to talk about something?”, she asks. “Hello, professor”, you greet her, “um, Xinyu has found out about my little stunt and now she’s livid—I’ve taken two slaps in the cheeks, professor”. “No hard feelings, Jisung-ah, but I think you deserve it”, she says, almost in a mocking tone—one that you deserve, “I’m guessing you’re now wondering how you can fix this”. You involuntarily shed a tear, “yes, madam, I am; any clues? I’ve apologized, by the way”. The professor sighs over the phone, “well, I suggest letting things run their course for now; I imagine Xinyu needs some time before she’ll allow you to approach her again—what about the other girl?”. You tell Professor Kim that Dahyun has apologized over text and promised to leave you alone, and it presumably satisfies her. “Yeah, just give Xinyu some space for now. That’s all I have to say”, she says. You thank her for letting you call her and hang up the phone after.

You’re now lying in bed, using all your brain cells to come up with a plan to make it up to Xinyu. One brain cell suggests giving her flowers, and as tempting as it sounds, you’re not sure if a bouquet wrapped with a big ribbon saying “I’m sorry” will convey your feelings properly—the last thing you want is for Xinyu to think that you’re taking this lightly, which you are not. You look around the room for ideas, and you see a small piece of paper and a pencil next to it sitting on the table. “Ah, I should try writing a letter to Xinyu”, you say to yourself. You sit at the table and start stringing words together thoughtfully using two of the oldest tools known to man.

“Dear Xinyu

Hello, this is Jung Jisung

Before I begin, please allow me to call you by these names for now as I don’t know if I’ll get to do it again.

I’m sorry for hurting you, sweetheart. I understand that I did such a horrific job of being the man in this relationship; lying to you and hurting you    by yearning for something that was never appropriate for me. If you, my love, were willing to forgive me and take me back in your arms, I would be more than grateful—more than mere words can express—but considering how hurt you are because of me, I dare not hope, no matter how much I want to.

I love you, and I’m sorry for hurting you.

I hope this letter finds you well.

Yours always,

Jung Jisung”

After writing the letter, you fold the paper in half and write your signature on the cover and a small heart that you fill in with pencil. You put the letter on your chest and pray that Xinyu can sense the sincerity and honesty in the words. You then start walking out of your room and towards Xinyu and Nakyoung’s on the other side of the corridor.

You slide the letter through the bottom gap and knock a few times. Seeing that you get no response after standing in front of their door for a minute, you turn in the other direction and start walking back towards your room. You’ve taken around a dozen steps when you hear a door swing open behind you and feel someone crash into you and wrap their arms around you while crying. “Oppa”, the quivering voice steals your attention, “I love you—fuck—I love you so much, oppa”. Hearing the familiar voice makes you shed a tear, and you turn around for a hug. “I love you too, Xinyu-yah. I’m so sorry for hurting you, my love”, you say as tears start running down your cheeks. You and Xinyu cry in each other’s arms, showing each other how real the feelings you have for each other are. You finally compose yourself after a few minutes and invite her to your room for privacy. Xinyu agrees to your idea, so you carry her in your arms and rush towards your room.

You sit down in the middle of the bed with Xinyu in your arms, and you fire all the “I love you” and “I’m sorry” bullets in your magazine. “I’ve been waiting for you to knock on the door for so long, oppa; I was sitting behind the door when you slid that letter, you know”, she says, her voice trembling from the emotions. “I’m so sorry, love; I was so busy trying to come up with an apology”, you say to her before pecking her head, “I’m so sorry, baby”. Xinyu bursts out crying again, seemingly overwhelmed with feelings, “please, please don’t hurt me like that again—I’m begging you, oppa; I don’t want to hate you”. “I won’t, baby—cross my heart”, you deliver a promise to her, one that you plan on never breaking as long as you two are alive.

After regaining composure, Xinyu moves to sit on your lap and puts her hands on your shoulders. “Oppa, why did you lie to me? You, of all people, lied to me, oppa—I thought we agreed to be honest to each other?”, she says, her tone heightening in disbelief. “I’m so sorry, love; the only answer I can give you is that I was thinking with my penis and not my brain”, you give Xinyu the frankest answer you can think of. “If-if by any chance you were bored with our sex, oppa, you could’ve just told me and I would’ve come up with something to spice it up. I-I’ll do whatever you want me to, you know that, right?”, she says. You shake your head in denial, “I promise you it was not about sex at all, love; I’m always satisfied and happy with what we usually do. I just happened to let lust fill my head and control my actions, which is never acceptable for a man to do, and for that I sincerely apologize”. Xinyu seems to be satisfied with your answer, as she rewards you with a peck on the lips before tucking her head under your chin. “I love you, oppa. Don’t lie to me again, please; being lied to fucking hurts”, she says.

-

You ask Xinyu if she wants to go to the restaurant and get some food after she has regained calmness, and in typical Zhou Xinyu fashion, she accepts your offer without thinking twice. You see Nakyoung outside her room as you’re walking towards the restaurant together with Xinyu. “Oh, hey, look at you, holding hands like a happy couple—you’ve sorted out your dissent, haven’t you?”, she comments with a smile of relief. You smile and nod, “yeah, Xinyu was kind enough to forgive me and give me the chance to redeem myself”. “That’s nice to hear”, Nakyoung says, “so where are you going now? I know we have some time to kill before announcing the essay winners”. You tell her that you’re going to the restaurant, and Nakyoung asks if she can tag along. “Like you’ve never done that before, Miss Secretary”, you say in playful mockery, earning a light smack of annoyance from Nakyoung.

Xinyu and Nakyoung say they want to have crispy chicken steak and fries, so you get the same thing as them to save time. “Oh, wow, look at that!”, Xinyu excitedly claps her hands when she sees the waiter set the food on the table. Seeing Xinyu be happy brings joy to your heart and reminds you to stay loyal and honest to her. “Haha, Jisung-oppa is smiling like a dummy”, Nakyoung teases you. Xinyu smiles at you softly while reaching out to hold your hand, “I love you, oppa—please don’t lie to me again”. You know that speaking will make you emotional, so you reply to her with a loving smile and a finger heart.

-

You head towards the hall with Xinyu after the lunch-dinner—petition to call it “lunner”—while Nakyoung opts to take a walk around the resort. “Oppa, wait”, Xinyu calls out to you while looking at her phone, “Chanwoo just texted me; he said that Jungwoo-oppa just fought someone again”. “Shin Jungwoo?”, you sigh, “we’ll call him later, babe; let him catch his breath for now—did Chanwoo say anything about the other guy, though?”. Xinyu shows you her chat with Chanwoo, “he fought a bully, oppa. Apparently, Professor Bae knows about this as well”.

You sit in the front row with Xinyu next to you, sharing laughs and giggles with her, rejoicing in the mended relationship. You make a joke that Xinyu finds to be exceptionally funny, causing her to laugh out loud while clapping her hands in amusement. As you wait for her laugh to die down, you see Dahyun open the door in the corner of your eyes. You turn your head slightly to make eye contact, but Dahyun evades it and disappears behind the door. It’s unfortunate that it had to end like this, but you’d like to think that this is the best possible outcome as you’re now in Xinyu’s arms again, as self-centered as it sounds. You silently promise to make it right to Dahyun and cut your ties properly—possibly tearily.

Nakyoung takes the stage after everyone has gathered in the hall. “Good evening, everyone. We will be announcing the 3 teams that have come up with the best ideas and those 3 teams will do a presentation right here, right now—we’ve asked you to prepare for a presentation, haven’t we?”, she says, her voice heard through the speakers. Nakyoung then proceeds to announce the top 3 and congratulates each team as they come up to the stage. Nakyoung tells them to do rock-paper-scissors to determine the order of presentation before giving up her spot on the stage and sitting down.

Reading is cool and all, but it doesn’t allow you to hear the rationale behind every word that is written. An idea that might look uninteresting on paper can turn out to be exciting when you know the thought process behind it, as proven by the number 2 team, who has come up with a seemingly mundane idea of visiting an elementary school nearby and participating in teaching 1st and 2nd graders. They had read this journal that spoke of increasing student’s learning stimulus in class and decided that they wanted to try it out themselves. “The university might get positive publicity, but more importantly, we aim to be able to help the teachers and students, since we believe that education—especially in elementary—should not be dull”, the speaker says. The speaker and friends look at you, hoping that you’ll say something positive, and honestly, you’re already sold on the idea. You don’t want to jump the gun and ruin it for the next team, opting to start collective claps with the audience instead.

You’re struggling to focus on the last team since the second one has already managed to steal your heart. “I need you to pay attention on this one, baby; I’m already sold on the previous one”, you whisper to Xinyu. She pinches your thigh in annoyance, “you can’t be biased like that, oppa”. You want to make a counter argument, but Nakyoung pinches your other thigh firmly, forcing you to focus back on the presentation.

Not only does time fly by when it’s spent with your loved ones, but also when you’re not paying attention to your surroundings. One minute you were (loosely) listening to the presentation, next minute you see Nakyoung end the session and send everyone to their rooms. “I swear, initiation trips did not used to go by this quickly”, you say to Xinyu. “Yeah, well, we were the ones doing these assignments back then, and now we’re the ones sitting back—the cycle never ends, oppa”, she says. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. So, what now?”, you ask the two girls in front of you. “You said that we’d call Jungwoo-oppa”, Xinyu reminds you of your promise from earlier. Nakyoung, who used to have a crush on Jungwoo, asked in curious worry as to why you’re calling Jungwoo. “He fought someone earlier, Naky-yah; we need to check up on him”, you explain briefly to her.

The three of you rush to your bedroom and sit on the floor in a circle. You find Jungwoo’s name on your phone and call him, and he picks up after two rings. “Good evening, this is Shin Jungwoo”, he says over the phone. “Good evening to you as well, this is Jung Jisung. Where are you, man?”, you ask him. “I’m at a burger shop with someone—Yooyeon-ie just left, by the way”, he says, “can I help you, president?”. You proceed to ask him about the rumors, and he explains that a group of freshmen has been bullying a fellow freshman and that he fought one of the bullies. “We can’t keep defending you, man”, you say to Jungwoo. Impatient, Nakyoung steals your phone from you and cuts off Jungwoo mid-sentence, “oppa! Oppa, are you okay? Are you hurt? You need to stop fighting people, seriously”. Jungwoo doesn’t recognize Nakyoung’s voice at first, thus making Nakyoung seemingly irritated. Jungwoo then promises to talk about this again when you come back and bring the victim, a girl named Kim Suyeon, along and introduce her to you.

Nakyoung starts letting out tears as soon as Jungwoo ends the call, her old feelings for him resurfacing after being buried for nearly two years. “I’m proud of him for standing up against bullying, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t let his fists fly so easily”, Nakyoung says as she wipes her tears. Xinyu hugs Nakyoung from the side and offers comfort while you hope that Jungwoo would stop fighting bullies, no matter how big of an example he’s made of these assholes. You also sympathize with Nakyoung, who used to have a crush on Jungwoo and only “leaving” him because she got scared after seeing him knock someone out with her own eyes. “Let’s convince him to become an advocate against bullying instead of a fighter, okay?”, you pat Nakyoung’s shoulder softly to calm her.

Nakyoung jumps off the bed and leaves your room, citing that she needs some fresh air. Xinyu turns to you in confusion, “u-uh, sure; I-I’ll see you later, Naky-yah”. You sigh in exhaustion as one more huge wave crashes into you. “I need to lie down; my head hurts”, you complain. Xinyu climbs your body and sprays your face with kisses, “oh, no, no, no—headache, leave my Jisung-oppa alone!”. You chuckle at her little aegyo, “you’re so cute, baby”. Xinyu covers her cheeks to hide her tomato cheeks, “aw, please don’t say that; I-I’m just trying to help”. You get up to a sitting position with Xinyu on your lap; “I’m so thankful for you, baby. I’m so sorry for hurting you”, you say to her, sounding as sincere as possible. “I was going to forgive you regardless of whether you’d apologize or not”, Xinyu says as she grabs something out of her pocket, “this letter helped me, um, get over it, I guess”.

You put a hand on Xinyu’s nape, and she immediately goes in for a kiss to tell you that she has forgiven you and accepted you in her arms again. “Hurt her again and I’ll smash your penis and balls with this hammer”, the angel delivers an ultimatum, and you dare not ignore it. Xinyu breaks the kiss with a gasp, “fuck, I can’t take it anymore”. You look at her with raised eyebrows, and that is when Xinyu pulls her T-shirt over her head and throws it away, “take me, oppa—please, I’m desperate”. It’s crazy to think how Xinyu relies on you heavily for everything, from assignments to sexual pleasure. You reach behind her back and unlatch her bra quickly before palming her tits.

Xinyu seems to be very impatient, as she humps your crotch even though the both of you still have joggers on. You pinch her nipples in response, “you need to be patient, love”. “O-oppa”, she says, throwing her head back in thirst and frustration, “please, make me yours again”. You lay her down on the bed and take your clothes off swiftly. You grab the waistband of her joggers and see the wet spot on her crotch, “horny much, baby girl?”. She wants to express with words how horny she is, but since her head has been taken over by lust, she only manages to come up with unintelligible sounds.

You get in between her legs after taking off her panties, ready to plunge into her warm cavern. “Baby, I’m going in”, you say to her, and Xinyu closes her eyes in response. As much as you’re tempted to tease her with your fingers, you don’t want to wait any longer, resulting in you diving deep into her right away. “Oppa, kiss me please”, she says, her arms reaching out to hug you. Xinyu uses her long limbs to secure you in place as soon as you lean forward for a hug and a kiss. Despite being stuck in a love lock, you’re still able to move your hips and fuck her at a consistent pace, earning soft bites and moans from Xinyu.

 “Oppa, I’ve missed you”, she says between her soft moans, “I’ve missed your cock”. You laugh internally considering that you did in fact had sex with her yesterday, but you don’t want to ruin the mood thus replying to her with a deep groan. “You’re so warm and tight, princess—so fucking good”, you praise her as you start fucking her faster. “Yes-yes—oh, fuck! Please, oppa, fuck me; I’m your good girl”, she says, her voice shaky from your fast thrusts. You gather your strength and use it to fuck her deep and fast, aiming to make her cum in the next few minutes.

Your plan works, as she announces into your ear that she’s about to explode. Xinyu tightens her grip on your cock, squeezing you hard, as if trying to milk your cum out of you. As a result, you blow your load into Xinyu with no prior consent from her. “I came as well; sorry, love”, you say to her. “N-no”, she deflects, ”I—fuck—I’m glad we came together, oppa”. You put your lips on her forehead as the both of you ride the high of orgasm together. “Oppa, my lips are down here”, she says softly with a chuckle. You reply to her chuckle with your own as you move down to kiss her passionately.

Xinyu releases you from her strangling limbs and you immediately fall to the side in exhaustion. “I’m spent, oppa; take care of me, please”, she says as she moves to hug you from the side. “I came inside you without asking, love”, you say to her in an apologetic voice. Xinyu palms your limp cock and strokes it softly, “that means I’m officially yours again, oppa. Thank you for taking me back in your arms”. You peck the top of her head and tell her that it was supposed to be your line. “I love you, oppa—we didn’t catch the cum drip on video, though”, she says. You ask her what she’s doing with that video, but she refuses to answer properly, saying that you “need to be patient” and that you “will find out soon enough”. You’re not entirely satisfied with her answer, but you hope that it won’t end up terribly for you and Xinyu.

-

You were half asleep when you heard two different voices near you, presumably discussing something. “Are you sure he consents to this?”, one of them says. “I’m 99% sure”, the other says. You slowly open your eyes and see two figures standing side-by-side in front of the bed. “Who are you?”, you say as you rub your eyes. “Why, I’m your girlfriend, of course”, Xinyu says, confirming her presence in the room. The other person greets you, and hearing it sends shock throughout your body. “Kim Nakyoung? What are you—yo, I’m naked; cover your eyes!”, you say, your tone high in disbelief. “Respectfully, oppa, I like the sight—never seen you like this before; damn, you’re so hot”, Nakyoung says, letting out a giggle after.

“Nakyoung-ie has been longing for a man’s touch, oppa”, Xinyu explains, “I figured you could help”. “Are you sure?”, you ask her, “you didn’t forget what had happened earlier, did you?”. “I consent this time”, Xinyu answers, “please, oppa, help a girl out, please”. Xinyu even said “please” twice, probably without realizing it, and you can only let out a sigh. “I’m only doing this because Xinyu consents, just so we’re clear—I’ve hurt her enough”, you say. Xinyu claps her hands in excitement, “you’re the best, oppa!”.

You get off the bed and stand in front of Nakyoung, “what are we thinking?”. Nakyoung takes a few steps back and starts undressing herself. Xinyu, who has always had the image of someone who plays for both sides, proves her “open-mindedness” by kissing Nakyoung’s neck until Nakyoung pushes her away. “Don’t mark me, Xinyu-yah”, Nakyoung says. You pinch Xinyu’s cheek lightly for her clumsiness before turning to Nakyoung to peck her lips. “I need to hear your explicit consent”, you say to her. Nakyoung puts her hand up like she was testifying, “I, with no doubt in my mind, consent to everything we’re about to do tonight”. You chuckle at her words, “everything, hm? Let’s see how far you think ‘everything’ is”.

You hold Nakyoung’s hands and pull her into your lap as you sit on the end of the bed. You see in the corner of your sight that Xinyu has found comfort on the armchair, watching the both of you like a cuckold. Nakyoung takes your hands and guides them to her bare breasts, “what do you think of them, oppa?”. You take her tits in your hands and softly squeeze them, “so soft, Naky-yah; I like it”. Nakyoung looks at Xinyu quickly before looking back at you, “ac-actually, I-I want to be called by pet names, oppa”. Her words sting your heart; you used to call Dahyun by pet names behind Xinyu’s back, and now Nakyoung wants you to do the same in front of Xinyu. You glance at Xinyu and see her nod in approval. “Alright, sweetie”, you comply to her request, “are you ready for this?”.

You lie down in bed after Nakyoung shows you the green light, your cock pointing to the ceiling in front of her stomach. “That’s so fucking big”, she comments as she starts stroking your cock. The softness of her hands makes you think that maybe she has put on some lotion or the sort, “your hands are so soft, sweetie”. Nakyoung smiles shyly, “um, Xinyu gave me a bunch of tips before this, and this is the result”. “Before this? How long have you guys been planning for this?”, you ask, bewildered. “Been a while, actually—the cum video was my idea, by the way”, Nakyoung reveals, her hands still busy stroking your cock. You turn your eyes towards Xinyu, and she winks at you while smiling.

Nakyoung moves her head, hovering centimeters over your cock. “Oppa, look at me, please”, she says. You make and maintain eye contact with her as she parts her lips and slowly go down on your cock, choking halfway to your pelvis. The little mishap causes her to remove your cock from her mouth, gasping sharply as she does. “Fuck, how does Xinyu manage to do this all the time?”, Nakyoung comments. “It took her a few months to get used to me, Naky-yah; I don’t mean to overstep but if you want to be like her, you’ll need a lot of practice”, you say to her. “I can be your side girl, oppa—if Xinyu allows it, that is”, she says, replicating Dahyun’s line from some time ago. You’re stunned; you’re not sure how much Nakyoung and Xinyu know, thus you’re unsure about how to respond aside from a fake groan to deflect her proposal.

Nakyoung returns to the task at hand (literally) and take your cock in her mouth again. She seems to have made it her goal to reach your pelvis, as proven by how she keeps going down, fighting her gag reflex in the process. She finally reaches the bottom of your cock after trying so hard; her spit is leaking everywhere as her jaws are wide open to accommodate your girth, and she’s making this very sensual gurgling sound. “Fuck, that’s a good girl”, you and Xinyu say at the same time, causing the both of you to chuckle. Nakyoung finally goes up after a few seconds, falling backwards onto her butt as she does. “H-how did you two say that at—hah, fuck—at the same time? Great minds think alike or something?”, Nakyoung says as she wipes her mouth. “I say good girl a lot to Xinyu during sex”, you explain, “I guess she’s fond of that line”.

Nakyoung looks at Xinyu and asks for permission to put your cock in her pussy, and Xinyu shows her approval by getting naked, ready to touch herself while watching; “go on; I’ll watch”, Xinyu says. “Oppa, I hope you consent as well”, Nakyoung says as she hovers over your cock. “I do, but can I ask if you’re okay doing it raw?”, you ask. “You’re my third, oppa, and I know that Xinyu was your first so it should be fine—I get tested regularly, by the way”, she says. Nakyoung proceeds to lower herself until your cock touches her entrance, letting out a gasp at the first contact; “I’m about to get ripped in half”, she murmurs.

She lets out a long, pained moan as your cock gradually fills her pussy. “Ngh, fuck—so fucking big”, she says as she feels her muscles stretch to contain your shaft. Nakyoung finally manages to sit squarely on your lap after struggling with your size for a while. She then plants her hands on your abs before she starts fucking herself with your cock. You’ve never seen Nakyoung make this sort of expression before, and you find it to be arousing—Xinyu used to make this face during the early days of your relationship, as she also struggled getting used to your cock. “Go on, Nakyoung-ah; show us what you can do”, you challenge her. She accepts your challenge and starts going up and down on your shaft rapidly while letting out moans which volume is making you concerned. You glance quickly to the left where Xinyu is sitting and see that she has her legs spread and rested on the armrest while her hand is vigorously rubbing her pussy.

Nakyoung has found a decent pace after getting comfortable with the stretch, and you find the sounds of her and Xinyu’s moan to be very arousing. You look at Xinyu again and summon her to you by moving your index finger, and she obliges immediately. Xinyu knows what you want and sits right on your face, her lush thighs serving as noise cancelling headphones. You can’t see what’s happening up there, but since you don’t hear anyone moaning, you assume that they’re tongue wrestling as they ride different parts of your body. You start working on Xinyu’s pussy with your tongue from below, holding her down by her thighs to make sure she doesn’t wiggle around. A light nibble in the clit makes Xinyu jolt but she doesn’t stand a chance against your strong arms that are gripping her firmly.

This threesome of yours has been going on for God-knows-how-long when both girls announce that they’re coming. You feel Nakyoung lift off your cock at the same time as Xinyu leaves your aggressive tongue. They cover their mouths and spray their juice all over your body; “holy fuck, I made them cum at the same time”, you think to yourself. They both fall limp next to you, hugging each other as they savor their high.

You get off the bed and head to the bathroom to wipe their combined juice and your sweat off your body. When you return, you see them kissing while playing with each other’s tits, seemingly busy in their own little world. “Excuse me, girls”, you interrupt them, “which one of you is going to make me cum?”. Xinyu breaks the kiss with a giggle, “I’d like to use my authority as vice president and delegate the secretary but there is a condition”. “That is?”, you ask, trying to figure out where she’s going with this. “Nakyoung-ie will take you in the ass”, Xinyu says, biting her bottom lip naughtily after. You are dumbfounded, “excuse me?”. “T-take my ass, oppa”, Nakyoung says, “take my anal cherry��. You are dumbfounded again, “are you sure? Have you even put anything in your ass before?”. “Y-yes, I-I’ve put a dildo in there some time ago”, Nakyoung shyly confesses.

Nakyoung rolls off Xinyu’s body and onto her back, “please, oppa”. Since she has decided to be naughty, you use this opportunity to match her; “that’s daddy to you, Kim Nakyoung”, you say to her as you get on the bed. You fold Nakyoung’s legs over her body and tell her to hold them. Since you don’t have lube, you decide to use Nakyoung’s pussy juice to coat your cock before entering her ass. You plunge quickly into her pussy for a couple of thrusts before pulling out, stroking your cock after to make sure that it’s coated entirely. “I’m not asking again, Nakyoung-ah”, you warn her. “Take me, daddy; I’m ready”, she says, nervousness clear as day to see.

You put your tip on her rear entrance, and Nakyoung gasps at the first contact. You see that her fingertips have turned white as she tries to hold her legs in place. You then start moving forward and stretch her rectum with the first few centimeters of your cock, forcing Nakyoung to furrow her eyebrows in pain. “Deeper, daddy; I-I can take it”, she says. You keep pushing into her ass until she begs you to stop, “s-stop, daddy; it-it hurts—fuck”. You look down and observe the situation; she has managed to take half of your length in her ass—that’s way more than Xinyu, considering that you’ve never had anal with her.

“Fuck, sweetie, you’re so tight”, you praise her. “Fuck me, please; make it hurt”, she says. You grant her wish and start moving your hips back and forth slowly, impaling her rear with your big cock. “It hurts, it hurts”, she chants, “fuck, it hurts so good”. Noticing that she’s reacting well to your length, you pick up the pace and fuck her harder. “Fuck, such a good girl”, you praise her, “keep gripping me like that”. Nakyoung bites her lip sexily, “Xi-Xinyu doesn’t let you in her ass, does she, daddy?”. Even with your cock in her ass, she still manages to tease—this naughty (and sexy) cat’s mischievousness knows no end. Xinyu seems to be ticked with Nakyoung’s words, and she starts rubbing Nakyoung’s clit rapidly to stimulate her further. “Oh, fuck, you two are going to make me cum again”, Nakyoung says with troubled breaths.

You maintain your pace and depth of your thrusts and notice that Nakyoung’s pain has subsided and been replaced by pleasure. You also notice that your cock isn’t just halfway in her ass, no, no, no; you’re fully lodged in her rear hole now. Xinyu hasn’t let up her work either, still rubbing herself and Nakyoung passionately. Xinyu has a different idea, however, as she dives into Nakyoung’s pussy and starts licking her clit from the side. Nakyoung tries to scream, but she manages to stifle her voice before it leaves her mouth. “Daddy, mommy—fuck, you’re going to make your baby cum”, she says. You’re astounded by how naughty she is in bed, and it fuels the fire of lust in your heart—she even calls Xinyu “mommy”, what the fuck?

“Sweetie, I’m cumming in your ass”, you say to Nakyoung, whose eyes are almost entirely rolled to the back of her head. “Cum in my ass, daddy—fuck, fuck, fuck—please, cum in my ass”, she chants as she savors the sensation of first time anal. You lodge the entirety of your shaft in her ass and blow your load deep into her guts, letting out a very deep groan as you do. Xinyu leaves Nakyoung’s clit and grabs her phone, “pull out, oppa; I’ll get it on camera”. You slowly retreat from the intense tightness of Nakyoung’s ass as Xinyu records from the side while making sure that no one’s face is caught on video. Nakyoung’s asshole struggles to return to its original shape, and Xinyu aims her camera straight at it; “oh my God, look at that gape!”, Xinyu comments with a gasp. You see through Xinyu’s phone and pay attention to how your cum drips out of her anus, “fuck, that’s crazy”.

Xinyu ends the recording after a few seconds and mutes the audio before throwing her phone away. “Take my ass next, daddy”, Xinyu begs. “I’m sorry, love, but I’m spent; I’ve blown a load inside you earlier, remember?”, you try to reason with her. “Ah, you’re right—next time, I guess”, Xinyu says. You free Nakyoung’s legs from her hands and put them down on the bed, “you did so well, Nakyoung-ah. Thank you very much”. Nakyoung’s pussy squirts out another load of juice belatedly, surprising both you and Xinyu. “Fuck, oppa, that was so fucking hot”, Nakyoung says, her pants deep and heavy.

You look over your shoulder to see the time. “It’s 2 am, huh? We’re leaving at 7, aren’t we?”, you ask your girls—yes, your girls. “The-the bus—fuck, I’m tired—the bus will be here at 6:15, oppa”, Nakyoung says. You lie down in bed with Xinyu and Nakyoung on each side, “how was it, Nakyoung-ah? Did it hurt?”, Xinyu asks. “Fuck, my ass was literally on fire, Xinyu-yah—Jisung-oppa is so fucking big, you should be grateful”, Nakyoung answers, “if I were you, Xinyu-yah, I would ask him to fuck my ass at least once a week”.

Xinyu contemplates her choices for a moment before turning to you, “please fuck me in the ass regularly, oppa”. You nod in agreement, “sure, love, but I want your clear consent written on a letter”. Xinyu tells you that she’ll write it on the flip side of your letter and hand it to you next weekend. “Alright, let’s get some z’s before the sun rises, okay?”, you say to the girls, and they each say good night before shutting your eyes. You imagine that both the angel and the devil are scratching their heads in confusion, wondering how you ended up fucking two girls in one night—one of them in the ass—but truthfully, you are as clueless as they are.

[vivwritesfics]

Waiting For The Sun

Chapter Two

Rhett Abbott has been hearing his soulmate in his head for ten years. She's the sweetest thing, nicknamed Muffin after her love of baking. Rhett doesn't know who Muffin is, doesn't know where she is, but hearing her voice always makes his day better. But then Trevor Tillerson is killed and Rhett's life is thrown into chaos. Through it all, Muffin in there for her soulmate. She wants nothing more than to find him, even through the chaos.

Soulmate AU

a/n: timeline might be out of canon order but fuck it

Series Masterlist

Fifteen year old Rhett Abbott hated Shakespeare. He sat in his room, his usually messy room, and attempted to write this essay. But his handwriting was chicken scratch and his soulmate wasn't responding to him.

He swore, if she'd gone to bed...

Well, Rhett couldn't blame her. It had gone midnight and, after near a year of being in each others heads, he knew her routine. But he also knew how much she loved Shakespeare.

Come on, wake up, he thought. But, if he woke her up, he never would have forgiven himself.

Without her there to keep him company while he struggled through his homework, Rhett gave up. He capped his pen, dropped it onto his paper, and stood from his desk. That was a problem for Tomorrow Rhett to deal with, even if the thought of getting detention terrified him. Well, not getting detention, but he knew his mom would never let him go to the rodeo if he got detention.

Are you okay?

He hadn't expected her voice in his head. What're you doing awake? Rhett asked his soulmate as he crawled beneath his bedsheets. They needed changing, he knew, but he was a gross teenaged boy. They always needed changing.

There was a pause before she responded, so long that Rhett thought she had gone back to sleep. Are you okay? She asked again. Even in his head, she sounded so damn tired. Guilt hit Rhett at all angles, but he couldn't deny how warm hearing her voice made him feel.

I'm okay, he answered, and her sigh filled his head. It wasn't of annoyance, though. No, she was relieved. Just doin' homework.

Do you need help with it? She asked, voice sweet in his head.

That was the thing about his soulmate. Ever since her voice had entered his head a year ago, she'd been so damn sweet. She'd helped him with so much homework over the past year. Now, Rhett wasn't stupid, but working on the ranch and training with his dad to be a future bull riding champion took up most of his time.

Tomorrow, if you can, he replied. Get some sleep, darlin'.

That woke her up slightly. The first time her soulmate had ever given her some sort of nickname. Riddled with exhaustion, Rhett didn't even noticed that the nickname had slipped. She didn't mind, though, not in the slightest.

Somehow, Rhett knew she hadn't yet gone back to sleep. Something in him could just feel that she was still awake. What were you dreamin' about? He asked, hands behind his head as he stared up at the popcorn ceiling. On the few instances that they spoke late into the night, Rhett stared at the ceiling and tried to imagine what she looked like. The sound of her voice gave him no indicators, but it didn't stop him from trying.

I dreamt that the sky opened up and the stars were raining down on us, she said in his head.

Rhett could see it, laying in the south pasture with a faceless girl as vibrant stairs began shooting across the sky, falling down around them and illuminating the Abbott Ranch. Sounds beautiful, he said to her, a yawn leaving his lips.

'm getting tired. In his head, her voice came out as groggy, and Rhett let the scene in his head change. A faceless girl, struggling to stay awake as she spoke to him.

Sleep, Rhett said to her.

Are you gonna sleep, too? She asked and Rhett gave a hum. Before you go, what's your homework? I can think about it while I'm waiting for you to wake up.

Rhett told her. Not long after that, the two of them were asleep. Rhett couldn't help but dream of himself as a young Leonardo DiCaprio in the nineties, falling for a faceless girl he couldn't have, a facless girl that kissed the poison from his lips and took a knife to his own chest before collapsing on top of him.

***

Twenty four year old Rhett woke up to the smell of bacon filling his nose. He opened his eyes and shut them immediately. Trust him to be too drunk to close his curtains. Mornin' Muffin, he said in his mind, praying he didn't sound too much like he was hanging out of his ass.

Her melodic giggle filled his mind. Almost immediately his day brightened up and he pushed himself out of bed. Well, good morning, she said to him. How does that head feel?

Suddenly, dread filled him. He had gotten pretty good at playing sober on the instances that she was still awake while he was out drinking. But, not last night, apparently. Ah, fuck. What did I say?

You were trying to tell me things about yourself and then getting frustrated when it working work. Even in his head, he could hear the amusement in her voice. You're cute when you're drunk and frustrated.

He groaned, audibly, as he walked out of his bedroom. How do you put up with me? He asked, somewhat rhetorically, as he wandered into the kitchen and greeted his family.

Believe it or not, you were made for me, bucko, she replied as he stole the bacon from Amy's plate. She complained, but Rhett didn't hear it as he took his own plate from his mother and sat down at the table.

Me? Made for you? How do you know you weren't made for me?

She laughed as his family found out just how hungover he was. But with that laugh filling his head, all was right in the world.

She was there through the morning as Rhett worked. She kept him company as he fed the cattle and tacked up for the morning. All the while she was making bread or reading a book. When the Tillerson boys showed up at the fence that separated them from the Abbott's, she was quiet, let him do what he needed to do. But, the moment he was grumbling, her soothing voice filled his head, calming him down.

I'm riding tonight, he said as he untacked his horse for the night. He brushed over her back, brushing away any loose and uncomfortable hairs.

Oh.

It was no secret to Rhett how much his bull riding worried her. For the first two years of his career to had listened as he fell off and hurt himself. It had taken Rhett those two years to learn how to quiet his mind when he was riding, for the soul purpose of not making her panic.

Tell me where you place, she said to him.

Of course, Muffin, he replied and headed back to the house for dinner.

Rhett loved it when his family watched him ride, of course he did. But he always felt like something was missing. He knew exactly what was missing, and couldn't wait for the day she was sitting there, between his mom and Perry. He'd ride better with her watching, he knew.

I'm going out with my friends tonight, she told him as he waited for his turn to ride.

Rhett couldn't help but grin to himself. She always had fun when she went out, always got drunk rather quickly. Every time she would ramble about their future together and he didn't mind that one bit.

Gonna celebrate my win?

You know it, cowboy.

Those were the words that played in his head as he sat on Twister. Fucking Twister. Everybody knew that the bull hadn't ridden well in weeks. But Rhett tried. With all of his might, he tried. But that bull tossed him around like a ragdoll, until he was pushing himself up from the sand and picking up his hat.

Muffin, you there? He asked as he walked over to the fence, footsteps sluggish.

Rhett waited a moment before she answered him. Yeah, I'm here. How did it go?

Rhett could have lied, could have told her everything was hunky dory, that he'd placed well and made it through to the next round. But she always seemed to know when he was lying to her. Maybe he sounded different when he lied. No matter what it was, she knew.

He sucked in a breath. I didn't place.

Oh, baby. He couldn't help but grimace at the sympathy. Bad bull?

He breathed through his nose as his father approached the fence. Maybe, he answered. I don't know Muffin. I just... But, as his dad started speaking, the words died in his mind.

When his dad and the rest of his family stepped back from the fence, gave him some space, his eyes met those of Maria Olivares.

Maria Olivares. There was a time that Rhett thought Maria was his soulmate. He was sixteen and connected the dots in his head to make it so. It didn't matter that the pieces didn't entirely fit or that she didn't look his way. Sixteen year old Rhett made it work.

But seeing her now, something inside of him sparked to life. He raised his hand towards her slightly. She was his Muffin, even if she didn't realise it. Maria smiled back and his heart seemingly skipped a beat.

It didn't much help that his Muffin had disappeared. But he'd seen that Maria was busy, and it made sense in his mind. She turned away from him and Rhett climbed out of the ring. Fuck, he needed a drink after that ride. Have fun, Muffin, he said as he climbed into his truck and began driving home.

It was a sucky night for Rhett. He didn't make it through and his girl was too busy to talk to him. He'd never fault her for it, though. She was having fun, and that was all that mattered.

Perry was having a night as shitty as his own. After Joy had stopped by earlier with the news about the FBI dropping Rebecca's case, he'd been in an understandably sour mood. That was why Rhett invited him out to the Pit Bar. That was how he found himself slamming back tequila shots in the Pit Bar with Perry.

Drunk Rhett was a rambler. He'd been drunk enough to now and Perry had seen him drunk often enough to know it, too. The topic of Rhett's drunken ramblings were almost always his bull riding career and his soulmate. Now, sober Rhett would never speak to Perry about his soulmate, not after Perry had gone ahead and married a woman that wasn't his soulmate.

But drunk Rhett couldn't help himself as he told Perry all about the last ten years with her. And then Maria Olivares walked into the Pit Bar.

She was out with her friends and his Muffin was out with her friends. It made so much sense to Rhett that this woman was his soulmate, but then why was she hanging onto Trevor Tillerson?

Perry saw the way Rhett looked at Maria. "You've been convinced this girl is your soulmate since you were sixteen years old," he said. "Go speak to her," he insisted.

When she approached the bar, Rhett did. But there so no opportunity to speak to her that time. The next time, their conversation was shirt, but that conversation was enough to reaffirm it to Rhett that Maria really was his soulmate. But then she went back to Trevor, and Perry joined him at the bar.

Drunk Rhett said whatever he wanted. Drunk Rhett made his big brother cry. He knew he shouldn't have said it the second the words left his lips. "I'm sorry, man," he said as he caught Maria's eye. "Go on, go get some air."

You look really pretty tonight, he said to no response. Maria still looked at him, though. And, with no Trevor Tillerson holding his arm around her shoulders, Maria joined him.

"Hey," she said to him for the second time that night.

Rhett tapped his fingers against the green neck of his beer bottle. "Hey," he repeated, but then that single word was slurred. There was so much he wanted to say, stuff about how she couldn't swear until she was fourteen or that, at sixteen, he had to teach her what a handjob was. All things Rhett had been through with his soulmate.

But enough doubt lingered in the back of his mind that he said nothing. What if Maria wasn't his soulmate and he blurted all of that out? They were memories between him, his soulmate, and nobody else.

Maria led the conversation, but Rhett didn't much mind. He sipped his beer and listened, his usual polite but somewhat shy smile playing on his lips. For a split second he turned to the door, tried to catch a glimpse of Perry through glass pane.

"Ah shit," he said as he stood. Maria said nothing. Certainly didn't scold him for his language as he headed outside. But Rhett wasn't thinking about that. As soon as he stepped into the cool night air, he was pushing Trevor Tillerson away from his brother.

He didn't know that Maria was watching the scuffle, didn't know she was there when Rhett put Trevor on the ground. Not without coming away with his own scrapes and bruises, of course. His hand fucking killed from where it had connected with Trevor's face.

As soon as Trevor was on the ground, Rhett turned back to the bar, back towards Maria. "That guy is the biggest asshole you're ever gonna meet," he said and headed back inside.

Muffin? He tried, but there was no response. Either she'd heard everything he'd been thinking through the fight and was disgusted, or she'd fallen asleep hours ago. But she wasn't Maria, Rhett knew that much.

He didn't know what happened between Perry and Trevor while he was pulling the truck around. But Rhett didn't need to know as he helped Perry load the body of Trevor Tillerson into his truck. Perry had fucking killed someone, and his finger prints were now on the body.

Fuck.

But he knew for a fact that he'd never been this panicked before. This was the kind of panic that would have her waking up to check on him, if she was even asleep. The breaths Rhett took in were deep and calming. He kept his emotions in check as he drove himself, Perry, and the body back to the Abbott ranch.

Fuck, he hoped his Muffin was sleeping.

Rhett Taglist: @finnydraws

@writtingrose

@nurse-sainz

@xoxabs88xox

@afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff

Series Taglist: @nessjo

@butterflykale1doscope

@eternallyvenus

[remusluvr]

in my feelings | remus lupin

summary: you realize just how much you love Remus. content warning: female reader, argument (kind of), sappy love, p in v, fingering, implied first time, no usage of (y/n), i love you's, angst, not edited

He can't help but stare at you. Your hair is falling over your face as you write away at your essay. It's due tomorrow and he doesn't want to distract you so he stays quiet as you finish up. He cherishes these times with you, the comfortable silence. He watches you carefully and he swears it just slips from his lips, "I love you. You know that?"

You look up from your essay with wide eyes. He immediately feels regret seep into his veins. It weighs him down as he waits for you to say something. Your lips pull into a thin line and he watches as you take a deep breath before looking down.

It's the equivalent of being shot right through the heart, he thinks. The way you looked at him like you wanted to say it but won't. He doesn't want to rush you. Not at all. But it has been seven months and how he hasn't said it before is surprising to him.

"Rem," you start, looking back up from the floor. He swallows the lump in his throat and looks at you. You lose your train of thought or he thinks you do as you sit up and gather the parchment in front of you.

"I didn't say it so that you'd leave," he murmurs, embarrassed that he confessed something so vulnerable only to be rejected. However, he doesn't stop you from packing your things up and into your backpack. And he doesn't stop you from leaving because he knows he can't make you love him back.

Remus doesn't know how to feel. All he wants is to take it back and pretend like it never happened but he can't. And he can't stop picturing the look on your face after he had said it. It pains him and he runs a hand down his face, grabbing his bag and leaving to go back to his dorm.

His body still feels heavy the next morning and he can't get out of bed, not even after James tried to give him a 'Potter Peptalk.' Remus hadn't told them about what happened but James and Sirius had assumed it had something to do with you. He never got like this about anyone else. It's weird what love does to a person.

All James can do is run a hand through Remus's hair, patting his back and telling him to feel better. Remus is glad when they leave the dorm. He knows he shouldn't be missing classes over this but he is.

You notice his absence immediately after trying to find him at breakfast. You hadn't meant to fuck things up this bad. It was the only thing on your mind. He looked so dejected after you couldn't say it back. You cursed yourself when you had gotten back to your dorm room, ignoring the looks from your roommates as you slinked into your bed.

His absence was even more noticeable during the classes you had together. James covered for him, saying he was feeling under the weather but you knew better and from the side eye you got from James, he also knew better. You wonder if he told his friends what happened.

It's difficult to get through a class without him. Usually, he's right beside you, cracking jokes and writing notes on your spare papers. You miss him.

Your chest feels like it's being crushed at the thought of never having that again. Now, while you can't exactly say the words, you know what you feel. And you're going to have to figure out a way to tell Remus or else you'd lose him and you can't lose Remus.

Skipping the rest of your classes, you trek up to the Gryffindor dorms. Tears prick at your eyes as you walk closer to his room and you have to take a moment to yourself outside of his door before walking in, willing yourself not to cry and make him feel worse.

He's chainsmoking out of one of the windows when you walk in. His eyes flicker over to the door, halting as they fall onto you. You don't know what to do, how to fix it.

"Hi," is what you start with. He gives you a tight-lipped smile before turning back to the window. You want to throw up everywhere at his dismissal. Walking over to him, you pluck the cigarette from his fingers, stubbing it out in the nearby ashtray. "Those things are bad for you."

"Sorry," he mumbles. Your bag slides off your shoulder and you toss off your uniform robe, throwing it over top of your bag.

"Remus, I am so sorry about yesterday a-"

"You don't have to apologize. It's fine, I'm just not feeling very well today," he sighed, reaching for another cigarette.

You're not sure why you're having so much trouble saying the words he wants to hear. It's not that you don't love him. It would be a greater feat to not love him. He's so caring. Always carrying your books for you, making sure you eat, checking up on you when you're more off than usual, letting you cuddle into him when you can't sleep at night, buying you things when you go to Hogsmeade together. The list could go on forever.

You clear your throat, looking down at the ground as you will yourself to say it. If you say it then it means that this is real. That you and Remus are really real.

"I love you," you breathe and he whips his head toward you. You're still staring at the floor.

"You don't have to say it. Really, it's okay."

"No, Remus. I love you," you affirm, looking up at him. He's already stubbing out his cigarette and moving to you. His hand reaches out to caress your cheek and you lean into his touch. Tears are welling in your eyes and all you want is for him to say it back. You want to know that everything is fixed and that he still loves you. Your lip quivers with the effort you're using to not cry.

"You mean it? You're not just saying it because you feel bad?" He can feel all the unease and heaviness leave his body when you nod, smiling at him. He swallows before closing the gap between you and him.

He's been aching for you, for your presence. You're glad to be hugging him again, wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face into his chest, "I love you too."

He backs you up to his bed, pushing you back onto it. He smiles down at you as he hovers over top of you. Your chest feels shaky as he stares at you and you pull your bottom lip between your teeth to help you focus on something else.

Things between you and Remus have not surpassed a heavy make-out session. But now feels different. It is different.

He's messing with you by just looking at you. But before you can even begin to process that thought, his lips are on yours and his hand is hiking one of your legs up so he's more comfortable laying on top of you. Your high on him as your hands grab the sides of his face to keep him held to you. He tastes like cigarettes and chocolate. What else could you expect from him?

"Need you," you sigh into his mouth and he pulls away from you, the opposite of what you wanted. His lips are swollen and you lick yours subconsciously. You pout up at him and it's all that he needed. His mouth is on yours again and his hands are pulling at your uniform, untucking your shirt and pulling the tie from around your neck.

Your hands are equally as grabby with the way they're tugging at his shirt, a shirt you had gotten him for his birthday a few months back. You smile into the kiss and feel him smile back. He pulls back from you again but it doesn't last long as he lets you readjust closer to the headboard of the bed.

His chest is heaving as he watches you shimmy the rest of the way out of your skirt. You eye him as he runs a hand through his hair. Remus can't believe the sight in front of him - you in your bra and underwear, hands reaching for him to drag him towards you. He doesn't let you go without him for long, just as desperate to be close to you.

"You're so pretty," he mumbles into your mouth, free hand cupping at your breast. You whine into his mouth in return and he nearly dies inside. His hand trails down, slipping under the hem of your underwear. He watches your face as he rubs circles on your clit, a way of asking if you're okay. You're more than okay with the way you're leaning into him. His fingers trace your entrance before slipping in, loving the way you take a quick inhale through your nose.

"Remmy," you moan as he pumps his fingers in and out of you. His lips are sucking marks into your neck and your brain is fuzzy. Your hands are pinned beside you but you will them to move and you pull at the hem of his own pants.

"Oh god," he breathes into your neck and you feel bad, taking your hand away. You didn't want to do anything he didn't want to do and the sudden lack of you worries him enough to stop the attack on your neck. "What's wrong?"

His fingers still in you and you whine, pushing yourself down onto his fingers, "Remus. Need you, please."

He understands. His pants are off instantly as he takes a moment to kiss you again before taking his boxers off too. You're worried to say the least. He's big and your gaze flickers from him to him.

"I'll go slow. Promise," he smirks down at you, pulling your underwear down your legs. He keeps his promise, pushing in slowly and staying like that until you tell him to go. Your hands are tangled in his hair and his face is pressed into your neck again.

It's desperate and needy the way you two are grabbing at each other. He can't get enough of you as he thrusts into you, soaking in the way you squirm beneath him. It wasn't a secret that he wasn't going to last very long and he's close before he even knows it.

"R-R-" you moan out and he shushes you, helping you chase that high. Your fingers claw at his back and still when you come, eyes rolling back and moans unabashedly leaving your mouth. He doesn't last long with the way your cunt is squeezing him and he fills you.

He stays lying on top of you for a few moments before rolling over, chest still heaving. You're sleepy and already missing him. You roll over with him, leg tossed over his stomach and head resting on his chest, his hand idly running through your hair.

"How you feeling, baby?"

"Good, a little gross though. Can I use your shower?" you ask, looking up at him. He's definitely gone to heaven or he's dreaming. There's just no way any of that happened and now he has you in his arms.

"Can I join?"

[fiapartridge]

late night talking | jack hughes

summary: jack’s having a terrible day and decides to call you late at night…

warning(s): swearing

kinda not in love with this one but what can ya do!

Jack hated calling when it was late at night because he knew you'd answer every single time— even if it meant sacrificing precious hours of sleep and living like a sleep-deprived zombie by the time the sun comes up. 

But tonight, he just couldn't resist it. 

His day was absolutely terrible. It all started with waking up an hour later than his alarm was set, then missing breakfast with the team because he couldn't find his tan T-shirt anywhere which resulted in him tearing apart his entire hotel room searching for the missing piece of clothing that was simply rolled up at the bottom of his suitcase, then getting a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of his new AF1s on his way to the arena, and as the stupid cherry on top, the Devils lost their last road game of the—almost clean sweep—West Coast roadie to the fucking Seattle Kraken. 

And he knew you were tired. You spent all day texting him about all of the essays and projects your professors were assigning you. You were awake until 2AM (New Jersey time), hacking away at all of the assignments. You couldn't wait to go to sleep. 

You finally put your writing utensils away and stored your laptop in the drawer of your desk where it would be waiting to be opened tomorrow for more work. Your hair was in a messy bun and your pajamas were strapped against your body. You were so ready for bed. You pulled back the covers and shimmied yourself in, careful not to move the pink blanket resting at the foot of the bed. 

Skimming through your emails one last time, making sure there wasn't any last-minute work assigned by your professors, you turned off your phone and placed it on the bedside table. Your arm stretched a little farther to click the button on your lamp, but when you saw Jack's caller ID and the photo of him giving you a piggy-back around the Prudential Center, all systems were on high alert. 

You sat back up, pulling the phone to your ear. You were terrified. You knew Jack hated calling you late at night— even though you told him loads of times that you didn't mind. So if he was calling you now, knowing it was 2AM where you were, he must've really needed something. 

The line was silent when you answered. Nothing else other than a faint static could be heard between the two of you.

"Jack?" you called. "Are you okay?"

You could hear his breathing. It wasn't calm, but it wasn't rapidly fast either. It sounded like a boy with something on his mind.

"Hey, Y/N/N," he said. He was so quiet, it felt like you had to lean into the phone to hear him better. 

"It's eleven in Seattle. Why aren't you asleep?" you asked.

"I wanted to, I just," he paused. Static. Calmer breaths. "I just missed you so fucking much, Y/N."

"I miss you, too, but it's only two more days. I'll see you on Sunday. What's going on?"

You couldn't see him, but his head was shaking back and forth on the other side of the line and he was rubbing his forehead like a middle-aged man after seeing his kids scribbling all over the walls. He was stressed and tired and all he wanted was to come home and see you, to sleep in your bed tonight, and to be with you.

"My day was just... terrible. It was unbelievably terrible. It was like one bad thing would happen and then ten minutes later, another bad thing happened. It was like God was just shitting over my entire day. So much fucking shit."

You laughed softly, a slight yawn mixed in between. "I don't think God was resting at the toilet, shitting all over your day, but it sounds like it was pretty bad. What happened?"

He sighed. "No, I should let you go to sleep. It's what? Two o'clock over there?"

"You called, and I answered. Tell me."

He took a moment, like he was actually debating whether to tell you or not. He knew you would go to extreme lengths to get it out of him, and he didn't want to tire you out even more. "We lost."

That was all he said.

Two words.

We lost.

You were confused to say the least. You knew he lost. You kept up with every single one of his games. They won every single road game before that: the Hurricanes, the Ducks, the Kings, the Sharks. So what, they lost to the Kraken? It's not like they won't have another chance to win again on Sunday against the Penguins, or Tuesday against the Golden Knights. There were so many more games to play. What was the big deal?

"Okay... is that it?" you asked. You dipped your toe in, scared that he might blow up and tell you something dramatic like 'it's more than a game, it's my life.'

But the line went quiet again. Nothing more than a bit of static and breathing. But then he talked and you wanted to do nothing more than book a flight out to Seattle and run to him with your arms out. You wanted to be there for Jack— you always did. 

He sighed. "It's just— we were losing for so long and when we were winning again, it felt so good, like we were finally back. Like we were a team again. But then we lost and, I don't know, it felt as if we were back on that losing streak, like it was yesterday. Like none of the road games even happened. We were just— losers again."

You rolled your eyes, and laughed. Yes, you laughed. Jack was confused, too. He wondered why you were laughing. He just poured out his entire thought process, all of his feelings, and you were laughing. Why were you laughing?

He frowned. "It's not funny, Y/N/N."

"I know, I know," you wiped your eyes. You didn't know if you were tearing up because you were deliriously tired or you were just laughing too hard. "It's just— you lost in overtime. You were close. It wasn't an 8 - 1 loss, or a complete shutout. You almost won, Jack. It was one goal that separated you and the other team. So what, you lost one game? This one game won't cost you your chances at playoffs and it won't make me love you any less. No one thinks that you are a loser. I'd rather be with you than a guy that's won every single one of his games. I love you, Jack. Win or lose, it's always you."

"So you don't want to be with Pastrnak?"

You rolled your eyes and giggled. "Not into beards."

He laughed. "Really? Because I think I'm starting to grow something here, Y/N/N."

You scoffed. "In your wildest dreams, Hughes."

"Speaking of dreams, I should probably let you get back to that."

"Alright, just— know that I love you, okay? Win or lose; I'm always gonna come home to you, and I'm always gonna love you."

You could hear the sound of a light switch on the other side of the line. Jack was getting ready for bed, too. He crawled underneath the covers, knowing his teammates were probably out getting drunk somewhere at a bar nearby. But he didn't care about grabbing a beer and throwing all of his feelings into Taylor Swift karaoke with Nico Hischier (that was more of a 'you and Nico' thing). All he wanted was to hear your voice, to tell you goodnight, that he loves you, and that he'll call you again when the sun comes up.

Because to him, you were worth more than a lifetime of wins.

[needyfreek2]

Prom Blows (Repost)

It was past 10 when Luna pulled up in front of the school she’d already graduated from. If it wasn’t for her absolute wreck of a senior sister, one would think of her as some sort of creepy college girl coming to the high school to pick up underage boys.

Roxy had called her, over an hour ago, begging her to take her home. After her date ghosted, her friends ditched, and she spilled spiked punch all over herself, Roxy had sobbed to Luna over the phone. So like the “Good Sister” she was, Luna came to her rescue.

“I’ve been waiting outside for a fucking hour where have you been?” Roxy hid her tears behind a veil of aggression.

“Sorry, sorry. I was busy.”

“With what? You don’t have a life.” Roxy retorted. She wasn’t fully wrong. Ever since Luna went off to college, she hadn’t done much aside from going to class in the morning, doing homework when she got back, and sleeping. Even on weekends, Luna was more likely to go study at the library rather than do anything fun. It was the first time in years that Roxy was well and truly alone at home. Their mom was usually working late at the hospital, and their dad didn’t even bother to write letters anymore. Roxy had a couple of friends, and the pretty privilege to get asked out every so often, but it never felt as fulfilling as her relationship with Luna. At least, that’s how it was. 

Luna had started college this year. Too poor to get into one of the nicer schools she wanted to, she had to settle for community college and living at home. It was nice to have a free place to stay, but it was starting to get tiring in sophomore year of high school. This town has a way of wearing down the people who get stuck here.

“I’ve got an essay due tomorrow.” That’s all she ever talked about. Schoolwork.

Roxy didn’t respond, she just looked out the window and tried her best to hold back her tears.

“So, what happened?” Luna was the first to break the silence.

“My date didn’t show up, he was off fucking one of my friends in the bathroom. Then my friends ditched me. Fucking whores.”

“Roxy…” Luna sighed.

”They are! Don’t take their side dipshit-”

“No, I'm just sorry. That blows.” 

Roxy blinked a couple times, taken aback at her sister’s sudden approval. She half expected her to call it “Teen Girl Bullshit” and move on but not this time.

“Yeah, I- It sucks.” Roxy leaned back to get comfortable. “I got all dressed up and pretty for him…” She fidgeted with her tight, deep red velvet dress. It was a beautiful dress, form fitting, a perfect color for Roxy. When Luna glanced over, she couldn’t help that his eyes wandered to her prominent cleavage. In most outfits she wore, Roxy’s chest seemed much smaller. She wasn’t modest by any means, but she clearly put in the work to draw attention to where she wanted. It even worked on her sister. Luna’s eyes flashed back to the road. She knew how gross it was to think of her own sister in that way, to objectify her like that. 

But she couldn’t help it. Roxy was beautiful. Long black hair that poured down her back like a dark cascade, a back now exposed by the dress. Silky smooth, pale skin, perfectly slender and clean. The way her body curved, her hips, thighs, chest, almost like a doll with how precise it was. Luna hated that time and time again, she found herself staring, whenever Roxy wasn’t looking. When Luna would be on her laptop in the kitchen and Roxy would come in for a snack, bending over to get something from the lower sections of the fridge. The way her shorts would ride up, exposing the slightest bit of Roxy’s panties underneath… Or when they watched a movie together, Roxy would lay her legs over Luna’s and she could barely focus on what was happening on the screen. 

The worst part is that she wondered if she did it on purpose. Just to get a rise out of her.

Gross. Don’t think like that.

“So what now?” Luna asked quietly.

“I don’t know… I kind of just want to get out of this dress.”

“You don’t want to stop for ice cream first?” Luna smiled at her sister. Roxy just shook her head and watched the cars go by. Luna sighed. “I think you look very pretty, Roxy.”

Roxy turned to her.

“You do?” She asked, pleading for reassurance.

“Yeah… It’s a nice dress.”

“So you think the dress is pretty. Not me.” Roxy rolled her eyes.

“No, I think you’re pretty. The dress just… uh- helps.” Luna had a hard time concealing her blush. Disgusting that she would get that way over her own sister.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my sister.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re just trying to make me feel better, you don’t actually think I'm pretty.” Roxy sunk deeper into the seat.

“No, I really-“ Luna stopped herself. “You’re the most beautiful girl I know, Roxy. And if the people at your school don’t see that they’re dumbasses, ok?” Roxy looked out the window again. “I really mean it, Rox. Anyone would be lucky to be with you. You’re smart, witty, you have good taste, you’re the nicest person at that shit show of a school. You’re hot- uh- from a like- from an unbiased perspective I mean.” Luna covered her mouth in a vain attempt to conceal her blush. “Look, I just mean that you’re… you’re so much better than all of them. They don’t deserve you.”

Roxy still didn’t look back. 

Luna brought the car to the side of the road by an old park the two used to play at. It was empty, that late at night. A place that once brought the two so much joy, now a reminder of their distance. 

“Why are we-“ Roxy was cut off by Luna’s hand, taking her arm.

“Roxy…” Her grip was soft, reassuring more than anything else. Roxy finally looked back. “I need you to know that you are the most amazing, beautiful, incredible girl I have ever met. Anyone, and I mean anyone, would be lucky to have a go out with you. They blew their shot, don’t get hung up on them. Ok?” Then that smile, that stupid beautiful smile of hers. Roxy couldn’t stand that look, when Luna was so close to tears, and yet looked so loving and… pretty, damn it. 

And that’s the point where Roxy decided to go for it.

“Fine… you’re right. But I still didn’t get kissed… or laid. And fuck i was really banking on getting laid tonight.” 

Luna blushed a bit, but laughed the comment off, saying something incredibly stupid as she did. 

“I’d kiss you, if I weren’t your sister.” Luna joked, sort of… 

“You’d kiss me?”

Luna panicked, she hadn’t realized she said that out loud. “Oh! I just mean that- I mean- It’s not-“ Luna realized just how fucked she was, hoping that the little bit of alcohol in Roxy’s system would allow her to forget the massive fucking blunder Luna had made. “We should get going!” Luna went to take the car out of park but was surprised to find Roxy’s hand placed gently on hers.

“W-Wait… Please.” Roxy gave a pleading look to Luna that made her hesitate. “You… you would kiss me? Even when I’m this much of a mess?”

“I mean- I- Roxy I’m your sister it’s not like-“ Luna tried to save herself, but Roxy wasn’t content to let her go so easily. 

“You mean you don’t want to?” Roxy asked, red in the face.

Luna paused. Fuck.

“I don’t- we can’t. We’re sisters… I wouldn’t- I would never even think about-“

“What if I wanted you to?” Roxy’s hand had traveled to her sister’s shoulder now. Luna could hardly think, much less string together words to make a coherent sentence. “It wouldn’t mean anything, but… Would it really be so bad? Just one?”

Luna realized she wasn’t breathing.

“Wait, you’re being serious?” Luna muttered, Roxy nodded. 

“Just… don’t make a weird thing out of it ok? It’s just a kiss.” 

Luna checked to make sure no one was around, thank god for that. Taking a deep breath, Luna turned back to her sister.

“So…” Luna tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and pushed up her glasses. Her hands were shaking. Roxy noticed, and took her sister’s hands in her own.

“It’s OK, Luna… don’t be so nervous. I’m your sister, I won’t judge.” She gave her such a sweet smile. With that last bit of encouragement, Luna nodded and leaned toward Roxy ever so slightly. Roxy caught her breath and moved in. For a while the two were too nervous to breach the gap, a comfortable distance kept between their lips. Then, with sudden eagerness and impatience, Roxy shot forward and locked lips with Luna. The suddenness of the kiss caused Luna to inhale sharply and jump in her seat. 

The kiss itself was amazing, the best either had ever experienced. Luna’s face was warm, blushing so hard her glasses could have fogged up. Roxy moved her hands to her sister’s red face, holding her tightly. Absent-mindedly, Luna started to slip her tongue into Roxy’s mouth, a gesture she was more than happy to reciprocate. Without realizing it, Roxy’s hand fell to Luna’s thigh, and inched closer to her crotch until-

“Oh-!” Roxy pulled away. Luna blinked twice, recollecting her thoughts before turning away, abashedly covering her face with one hand and her crotch with the other.

“Fuck, i- im so sorry- i don’t know what happened.” Luna did her best to conceal the very obvious erection trying to escape her jeans. “I haven’t been able to- and yknow i’m just- Fuck, sorry!” 

“No no- it’s ok Luna… Really. I take it, you liked that?” Roxy was blushing just as much, if not harder than Luna.

Luna didn’t respond.

“Luna?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so gross.” Luna hid her face in her hands.

“What? No, it’s ok. Really!” Roxy leaned back in and caressed her sister’s arm. “I get it, you’re excited. I- I am too.” 

“Excited?” Luna removed her hands from her face.

“Yeah I mean, I assume that’s what that means.”

“No no, you’re excited?” A million terrible thoughts went through Luna’s mind.

“Well…” Roxy turned toward the window, blushing. “You’re not the only one who’s been… pent up.” She cleared her throat. “I’m- I’m a little wet right now… Well, more than a little.”

The sisters stared at each other in silence for what felt like ages. 

“I know…. it’s gross isn’t it?” Roxy tried to laugh it off.

“No! Not at all!” Luna grabbed Roxy’s shoulders. “Uh- Well I guess it sort of is… I mean we’re sisters and all, but-“

“But…?” Roxy placed her hand onto Luna’s as it held tight to her shoulder. 

“Uh- People get like this all the time? It’s fine, we’ll take care of it when we get home.”

“We!?” Roxy was both excited and mortified.

“I mean seperately! In separate rooms! Touching ourselves- not- fuck.” Luna tried desperately to hide her fucked up desires in this moment. Roxy didn’t even try to hide her disappointment. “Wh- what?” Luna asked.

“Just- I don’t know… It’s easier with help.” 

“Huh…” Luna went brain-dead. 

“Like you’ve been with girls before! Just this one time, I swear! I won’t ever bring it up again. I just need help right now.”

Luna fully realized what her sister was asking her to do.

“Are you being for real?”

“Y-yes.” There was that awkwardness again. She was too cute to resist like this.

“So you want me to…” Luna’s fingers drifted to the hem of Roxy’s dress. Roxy turned away as she slowly lifted it to reveal her now damp white panties. Luna gasped, completely unable to pull herself together now.

“Please just- do it already.”

Luna nodded, though Roxy refused to look. Slowly, gently, carefully, Luna pulled her sister’s panties down to her shins. Now, her glistening cunt was bare and Luna saw the full lengths of what she had done to her sister with just a simple kiss. 

“F-Wow, you’re really wet, sis.” As soon as it came out of her mouth, she realized how disgusting it sounded. But that didn’t matter anymore, all that did, was Luna being here for her sister.

Luna teased Roxy’s slit, tracing her fingers across it and lightly touching her clit. The full weight of the action, Luna fingering her sister, wouldn’t quite break through to her until she had already slipped two fingers inside. Roxy, who up until this point had been lightly releasing quiet pleasured breaths, let out a full moan. The sound was intoxicating to Luna, she’d fantasized about hearing it for so long, it almost didn’t seem real.

“Fuck…” Luna sighed. Roxy let her head fall back as her breaths became staggered and harsh. The two tried not to look each other in the eyes as Luna spoke once again. “Is this ok?”

Roxy nodded, unable to speak at this point. Luna kept going, now being able to smell just how worked up Roxy had gotten. Luna’s pointer and index were now lodged deeply within her sister’s pussy, awkwardly curling and shifting inside of her.

Roxy let out a quiet whimper and covered her mouth with her hands, ashamed that she was being so loud for her sister of all people.

Luna pulled Roxy closer, maneuvering so that she could better reach from behind, though the position was awkward and uncomfortable.

“Luna~” Roxy whispered through strained whimpers as her sister fingered her from behind, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Roxy wrapped her own arm around Luna’s neck and stared up into her eyes. Finally, the two made eye contact, face to face, mere centimeters apart. 

That’s when the reason they had avoided direct eye contact became clear…

The two of them kissed once again, a deep, sloppy, passionate kiss. Roxy couldn’t help but moan as they exchanged saliva, their tongues writhing around each others’ mouths.

“R-Roxy~ Please… I can’t do this.”

”What? Why?” Roxy broke from her sister’s grasp, pouting.

”I’m i- I’m too hard… do you think you could-”

Without a second thought, Roxy started unzipping Luna’s jeans. Feeling her older sister’s hard cock beneath her tight satin panties drove Roxy crazy. Luna too was losing her mind, shaking uncontrollably as her nerves took hold. Having a girl, her sister no less, touch her in such an intimate way—

The thought was interrupted by the warm, wet sensation of Roxy’s tongue tracing the length of Luna’s cock. 

Luna whimpered as Roxy fit her dick into her mouth. The taste was unlike anything she’d ever experienced, Roxy could hardly think of anything else as she took the entirety of her sister’s dick down her throat.

Luna arched her back, grabbing the steering wheel for support, shaking and blushing furiously.

“Oh my god… Roxy, please~ please don’t stop.” Luna whispered.

Roxy looked up into her sister’s eyes as she pleaded. She looked so pretty from down there. 

It didn’t take long for Luna to finish. She filled her sister’s mouth with hot cum, so much it dripped from Roxy’s lips as she pulled off Luna’s dick. Luna loudly moaned, no longer able to contain herself.

Luna fell back into her seat, still hard as she shouldn’t have been. Unsatisfied, Roxy pulled her panties fully off and climbed on top of Luna. 

“Wait- Wait no!” Luna didn’t really want it to stop, but she knew if she let this happen, there really would be no going back. It was too late though…

Luna’s leaking tip disappeared into Roxy’s slick opening. Slowly, the rest of Luna’s dick entered her sister’s pussy.

“Luna~” Roxy moaned into her ear as she wrapped her arms around her neck tightly. The two sat in each other’s embrace for what felt like an eternity. 

After enough time had passed for the sisters to move past the initial sin, they made the final decision to keep going no matter how wrong it was. 

Roxy rose up slowly and slammed back down, her ass slapping against Luna’s thighs over and over. 

Roxy’s dress rose up high enough now that Luna could see the mess she had made of her sister. Wet, glistening in the light of the street lamps, freshly shaven too… 

“Roxy~” Luna muttered her lover’s name between whimpered moans. 

“Luna~” The two kissed once again. A deeper, more passionate kiss than either had ever given anyone else, like they had saved it specially for this moment. They moaned into each others’ mouths, taken by their shared euphoria. When Roxy rose, Luna pulled back. When Luna pushed deeper, Roxy buried her sister’s dick as deep inside her as she could muster without breaking. 

“Roxy~ I’m going to cum again~ I can’t~”

“Shhh…” Roxy placed a finger to Luna’s lips. “I know… me too.” She could hardly get the words out. “Let’s do it together… ok~?”

Luna nodded. The two increased their pace. Up and down, back and forth, over and over. Luna felt herself building to another climax, this time trapped inside her sister, when—

The two came together, screaming out each other’s names as they felt their minds go blank for one brief moment of pure ecstasy. 

Roxy fell on top of Luna, both of them breathed heavily. They didn’t move for a full minute.

“A-are you ok?” Luna whispered. “Was that ok?”

“Yes!” Roxy stammered quietly. “It was amazing, Luna.” She hugged her sister close. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Roxy.” Luna watched as Roxy rose from her cock, letting their shared liquids spill out onto it. 

“Thank you.” Roxy embarrassingly stumbled back into the passenger seat. Luna pulled her pants back up and Roxy did her best to clean herself up with the tissues in the glove compartment. The two drove home, not a single word exchanged between them. 

When they finally arrived, their mother still working late into the night, they returned to their separate rooms-

It wasn’t thirty minutes after they got back that Roxy snuck into Luna’s room to continue what they had started in the car…

[solar-wing]

⚣ BatBro Incorrect Quotes: TikTok 🤳🏻

⚣⏰ A/N → Literally in the middle of brainstorming and writing the 100-follower Conner Kent fic, and this came to mind. If it's good or not, I'm sorry, I just had to get it out. Thank you for understanding.

⚣⏰ Summary → BatBro has introduced TikTok to the Wayne Family...

REBLOGS and replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛

⚣ ENJOY 🤳🏻

BatBro: And if you let that motherfucker Shanon once, best believe they gonna Shenanigan.

Source: Mya Monaco

Cass: Is Being Gay An Illness?

Cass: Yes, it is. How come every time I kiss a girl, my stomach hurts?

Dick: Those are butterflies.

Cass: Well, they're gay too.

Source: Farha Khalidi

Stephanie: He is not the love of your life!

Stephanie: He is literally just a guy!!

Stephanie: HIT HIM WITH YOUR CAR!

Source: chrissy

Damian: Why do you hoes act like if yeen ain't in no relationship, you gon die? Y'all be weak in the knees. Stand up! STAND UP!

Source: Leezy V

*BatBro with Jason in his weekly therapy session*

Jason: I was silent, ummm...

BatBro👓: Were you silent, or were you silencedSST?

Jason: ...

Jason: The latter.

Source: Beni2.0

Dick: I'm sorry. Not everybody fits in the bad bitch JAN-RAH. IT'S A JAN-RAH. Not everybody fits on the RAS-STA.

Source: Ms.PressureCooker

White people chillen in their house:

*Silence*

Black people chillen in their house:

*Silence*

*Beep*

Duke: I don't know why, but I am offended.

*Beep*

Duke:😯

Source: shaelovve

*Damian chastises his siblings*

Damian: Stop acting like a fucking hooligan! I know your momma raised you in a barn, but around these parts, we have some decorum, okay.

Source: KHAENOTBAE

Jason: No! Hear me out!

Jason: Why would I write the two essays that I had due 38 minutes ago rather than catch up on my fanfiction?

Jason: A bitch can not be academically sound AND lonely!

Jason: I can't where–I can't wear both of those hats. I'm gonna read a fanfiction in 20,000 words or less by a 15-year-old named Sarah who likes Supernatural. I'm gonna do that.

Source: anania

*Tim hanging out with BatBro and Conner*

Tim: And I ain't never seen three pretty best friends.

Tim: It's always two of them motherfuckers gotta be gay.

BatBro:*screams*

Conner: cUt ThE cAMeRaS!

Source: reganladd

*Bruce tells Tim he needs to get more sleep*

Tim: Duh! DUUUUHHH!!! Okay, duuuuuhhh!

Tim: You. Stupid! FUCK!!!

Source: HRH Memes

Jason: Therapy isn't enough. I need to punch that bitch today. Tomorrow is never promised.

*Walks aggressively towards Bruce's office with Wii Sports fencing music playing*

Source: B. Lee

*BatBro threatening Conner forgetting the Kryptonian is bigger and stronger than him*

BatBro: How you gon snap my neck off? Bitch, you weigh 95 pounds. I'm 5'8 almost 200 pounds. You can't snap my muthafuckin neck off, bitch. You'll be dead by the time you think about snapping my neck off, bitch.

Source: KB AND KARLA

BatBro: It is OTOM🍂. *pose✨*

🐦:*squeak*

BatBro: ¡Callate!

BatBro: My husband is cutting the backyard. So I decided to bless him with my company, even though he DOES NOT deserve me.

*walks in Spanish*

BatBro: I HAVE ARRIVED! 👑

*Conner used to these antics but still looking confused*

*BatBro stands in glam while Conner continues mowing the lawn*

BatBro: Good job!

*glam*

BatBro: Yeah, that's enough.

Source: SHIADANNI

*arguing with BatBro*

Damian: Next time you fucking put your hands on me, I'ma fucking rip off your face, bitch!

Dick: What did he do?

Damian: CAUSE HE FUCKING PUSHED ME...

Source: Nikkibussy084

☀️ | Bat Family | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

[double--hh]

Henry, reluctantly exploring the Astral Circle Appartment Complex, "I swear, I hear a little girl around here, sound like shes nine or something... where's her parents?!"

Quachil, manifesting itself through a wall, "Mmm, I'm 15, so shut the fuck up."

___

*~imagine phones exist in the 50s~*

Ciprianni- can you shrow the hole vid

Steven- *show *whole

Ciprianni- I'm from Italy!!!!!!!!!!

Steven- I pound dudes!!!!!

___

Teutates, writing a very strongly worded letter to Abducius, "Yo, bro, what should I start this off with?"

Ah Puch, "...to whom it may aggravate?"

Teutates, "...Shit, no, that's now the title of a song, think of something else."

___

Anastacha, walking with her friends, "If you remove all veins, arteries, and capillaries from your body and lay them end to end, you will die...or whatever."

One of her friends, "...I'm starting to see why your dad left."

___

Robertsky, walking outside in a torrential thunderstorm, "I got a pocket full of sunshine... why'd you make me ginger?!"

Insert Robertsky getting struck by lightening.

___

Nacha, sitting in Mia & W's apartment with Mia, holding some failed essays from Anastacha...

Mia, "Nacha, I'm getting pretty worried about Anastacha, like, look at what she wrote for one of her essay openers, 'Buckle your seatbelts boys and girls, Teacher or whoever is reading this at this spectacular time in your life.. da-da-da... so sit down and shut up and listen to my 3-AM-Monster-Energy-ADHD-Medicine-Induced-Self-Hatred-Fulled-Extravaganza about the Industral Revolution... or whatever.'"

Nacha, sighing and pinching her eyebrows, "Why am I not surprised... That's the last time I'm letting Francis help her with school work."

___

Mia, two seconds away from a mental break down, knocking on the Rudboys' door.

Steven answers, "Oh! Mia! What's up?"

Mia, eye twitching, "Steven, take me to the range before I pull my hair out."

Steven, nodding, "Lemme grab Ciprianni, meet me downstairs."

~20 minuets later~

Mia, unloading a full magazine at moving targets, hitting all of them.

Ciprianni, mildly concerned, "How... the hell is she doing that?!"

Steven, watching her, "Man, she was a WAC, armorer type. Kinda in her blood."

Ciprianni, shaking his head, loading his pistol, "You Americans concern me."

___

Izaack, writting frivolously in his notebook, "Mn-hm, and anything else you'd like to add?"

Mia, chuckling, "Ah, yes, list the source as... 1984 by Gorge Orwell."

Izaack, stopping mid sentence and slowly glares at Mia, frowing, "...You did not just quote another book and passed it off as facts about the Trojan Horse Project again... did you?"

Mia, taking a sip of her coffee, "What? So I'm the bad guy for reccomenting you more books to read after your 'minute and minute' fiasco earlier today, Gauss?"

Izaack, scribbling out everything except for the book title, flipping it shut, "I'll have you know, Ms. Stone, I read every damn day and our teleprompter is new!"

Mia, smiling, "Oh you're such a phony, Izaack, it's amusing."

Izaack, snapping a finger at her, "Ah! Catcher in the Rye! J.D. Salinger!"

Mia, nodding, "So you do take my recommendations!"

___

The Schmicht's, moving into the Apartment, "Oh, Gloria, I think we did just right chosing this place!"

Gloria, smiling, "Yeah, yeah, watch there be some sort of fanclub for your novels!"

Anold, placing a box down, "Heh, I doubt it! I'm still trying to find a time and place for a meet and greet!"

The Sverchzt's, Lois, Margrette, and Rafttellyn, looking up from the stair case,

"Oh my god, is that the Arnold Schmicht?!"

"You think he can give up an early copy of Ceasefire of Hostility?!"

"I have GOT to get his signature!"

"Do you think we can invite the both of them to tomorrow's meeting?! He said his wife is his muse from the last interview!"

Gloria looks out the door and watches the group of book nerds scramble down the stairs, whispering to eachother.

"Bubbles, because you live on the same floor, you better share the spoilers!"

"Oh hush I will!"

Arnold, "Who was that, sweetie?"

Gloria, "Your fanclub."

[dizzymoods]

one of the the things that black liberals do is erase/whitewash not only Black reds (Langston Hughes, Assata Shakur, BPP, Henry Winston, Claudia Jones etc) but also the work nonBlack communists did.

Like today i found a pdf of Ho Chi Minh’s writings. In 1924 he opens his essay “Lynching” with

It is a well known fact that the black race is the most oppressed and most exploited of the human family

He also has an essay in the same year examining the resurgence of the Klan! Literally just now found a collection of writings on race he did I'm gonna read tomorrow

I didn’t know until late last year that Marx organized with english workers against the crown intervening on behalf of the Confederacy during the Civil War (to help its own textile industry), a turn which would likely have changed the tide of emancipation. Famously Marx says that as long as long as Black people are bonded in slavery that no worker can be free.

But! Also, Black liberals don’t ever talk about how our interest in communism and therefore anti-imperialism paved the way for the civil rights movement.

Attorney General McGraney brief to the Supreme Court for Brown v Board had the following:

It is in the context of the present world struggle between freedom and tyranny that the problem of racial discrimination must be viewed. The United States is trying to prove to the people of the world, of every nationality, race, and color, that a free democracy is the most civilized and most secure form of government yet devised by man. We must set an example for others by showing firm determination to remove existing flaws in our democracy. The existence of discrimination against minority groups in the United States has an adverse effect upon our relations with other countries. Racial discrimination furnishes grist for the Communist propaganda mills, and it raises doubts even among friendly nations as to the intensity of our devotion to the democratic faith.

a sentiment Baldwin would describe a decade later in The Fire Next Time.

Anyway earlier today I was reading Losurdo's lecture on Western Marxism (in the appendix of his newly translated book on the subject) and he spends a bit of time talking about how Eastern Marxists talked about Black Americans. Did you know Robert F. Williams (author of Negroes with Guns) met with Chairman Mao?

The more I read (about) communists the more apparent that the liberal race mongering that "communists don't think, theorize, or work for the Black struggle" is a big fucking lie. Remember folks the Klan are anticommunists for a reason:

[copperbadge]

This week feels very busy and crazy stacked with stuff I have to do, but mainly because I've done all the easy stuff (not just in terms of cleaning but in terms of like, life) so all that's left is all the hard stuff that requires a lot of brainpower. I'm trying to limit it to one task a day; today I got a really important project at work put to bed, which is good, but it means tomorrow I have to tackle the really important project I pushed off to make room for today's.

I'm doing a lot of putting-off lately not because I'm a particular procrastinator but just because, while I know I'll be fine if I open the various documents I need and just look at them, I'll be able to move forward...I panic at the thought of getting the documents open. I'll work through it, I always do, but Therapist has me looking into clinical research on catastrophizing in the next few weeks, which is not an accident.

That said, I went out to the library this evening and managed to wade through a lot of the notes I'd taken on Royals/Ramblers. There really isn't actually that much I need to fix, and adding a few brief scenes is taking care of a lot of it. There's still some "read the entire book through and adjust these themes" along with some "Go to these specific scenes and change Every Detail About Them" but it won't be as hard as I thought. I think probably the issue is that there's a LOT I need to change in the Dychev short story, and that was freaking me out, but that one can wait a while.

And while I need to do a bunch of research for the football novel, technically Simon's novel is the next one in the slate at this point, and Simon's novel is actually starting to look a lot easier -- more like a fun challenge than a difficult task. Simon's novel will incorporate a lot of "pre recipe essay" style passages, which are actually fun, even if I'm not very experienced with writing an unreliable narrator. And at least I'm on slightly firmer footing when it comes to food. :D

Moral of the story: libraries are great for putting a stop to catastrophizing, and if you've fucked up the story about the boats, well, use it as an object lesson in not fucking up the story about the curried chicken.

[iliketorantalot25]

I love video essays.

it would be one of those weird quirks about me that people would notice and go “why would you willingly spend hours of your life listening to a person talk into a camera?”

and after my long spiel about why I didn’t like the podcasting format of people talking over each other and pausing constantly I would point and say, “imagine if someone was reading you an essay for school, but it was about a topic they were actually passionate about”

I think this is what is so fucking frustrating about plagiarism, specifically in this media format - because the whole point of it is to research about topics that you are interested and passionate about and AREN’T FORCED TO WRITE

You’re not getting graded for this stuff, the whole reason you’re doing it is so people can learn - usually about a topic that specifically you have a vested interest in people knowing more about. This is the stuff kids in high school do because they don’t want to be in their English classes, James Somerton made thousands off a tactic that high schoolers use regularly and actually face fucking consequences for. those hours long queer video essays combined two of my favorite things - academia, and the queer community. And now I feel guilty, because the time I spent unknowingly watching a guy spew information that other people wrote could have been spent listening to people with their own opinions.

It hurts -as a queer teenager who loves writing, reading, and is hoping to turn the facilitation of creativity into a career path - to see my curiosity, and the interest of many other’s like me, be turned into revenue for a person who perverts other people’s passions into carbon cutouts of any meaning words used to hold.

And I will be ranting to my English teacher about this tomorrow morning.

[pinene]

Would you elaborate on the shame thing? I feel like it’s so fucking true and I didn’t even realize that like since I’ve addressed my own shame I have been able to start getting my life actually together :p

I genuinely need to write an essay about this, but so much of us harbor an incredible amount of shame, and use it as a punishment to replace consequences, preventing us from ever learning. If you notice how dirty your room is, you feel deeply ashamed of it, and that bad feeling seems to “count”. As long as you feel bad about failing, it’s okay that you failed. This rots us out from the inside.

rather than approach problems pragmatically, we approach them from how to avoid shame. It’s never “what functionally needs to be done to tidy up my space?”, but rather “Okay I’m gonna clean my ENTIRE room tomorrow so I stop feeling bad about it” and then rinse and repeat, always failing to meet the goal, taking out more “shame debt” as I call it to pay for failure. Shame feels bad. Shame is the fear of losing connection. To yourself, to others. If you feel shame every time you are honest (eg “my room is messy”), you will start to lie to yourself to avoid it. You will think “I’m a neat person who has a temporarily messy room”, “I’m an organized person who’s fallen out of practice”, “I’m an employed person who’s gonna get a job any day now”, “I’m a person who wakes up early but has been failing to, better set my alarm for 9am every morning even though I don’t ever wake up from it”.

This is deeply problematic for a couple reasons. First of all, dishonesty prevents progress. People think without shame, nobody can improve, but that’s bullshit. It’s the opposite. The first step to achieving a goal is knowing where you currently are relative to it. But if admitting where you currently are brings you a deep amount of shame, you simply never will. Second of all, if you are dishonest with yourself, you will never feel successful. If you think that you’re a person with a clean room without a clean room, then you will constantly feel dissatisfied— and when you DO finally snap and clean your room from a place of shame.. you can’t be satisfied. Because there’s no fulfillment in being exactly where you expect yourself to be.

So life becomes drab. There’s no point to anything. You don’t feel a connection to your space, there’s no zest. You think only about how you’ve failed, how to keep side-stepping shame, never how to grow, how to get what you want, how to deeply, fully consent to experiencing your own life. “Free time” aka chilling and sitting around in the bullseye of your comfort zone becomes paramount, because you don’t know how to accomplish things without feeling badly about yourself. If your goal in life is to avoid shame, you can’t really live. Hard things become impossible, because you will hate yourself if you don’t complete them, and even if you do, you’ll hate yourself for how hard it was.

There is a very sneaky self-loathing that I don’t see anyone talking about, that I struggle(d) with a lot, where your self esteem may be average or even high. You might think you’re hot, smart, funny. But at the end of the day, you are still competing for your own love. You withhold it. You think that you should do better to earn it. You only have love for a hypothetical, better version for yourself.

The only way out is radical self love. To love someone is to be invested in their journey in a positive way. Invest in yourself. Even the parts of yourself you don’t like. Especially them. They need the most love. You need to be honest with yourself. Your room is dirty because you have been making it that way, and have failed to clean it. That’s okay. That’s who you currently are. And that person still deserves love.

Love, for yourself, and for others, is never “earned”. It’s discovered. Through conversation, touch, collaboration, etc. You have discovered more about yourself than anyone else, I’d imagine. So where’s that love?

TLDR; kill the cop in your head, stop practicing a psychological microcosm of capitalism with an economy of shame. Love yourself and others unconditionally, even and especially when they don’t meet the mark

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

So, Slightly Aggressive Affirmer, what's your whole deal?

Great question, Clive.

(Sorry, I thought you were some sort of chat show host called Clive. Let me readjust my worldview)

Great question, friends. Why did I write Aggressive Affirmations in a consistently reliable, ritual manner for 5 years and then stop doing it and constantly keep coming back and promising to start again and never making good on it?

Well. There are actually 3 answers to that question.

.

Answer #1

To begin with, let's reposition our worldview - just as we did with Clive. Now, let's change the way we see me, The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer. What if we put a new filter over me - we'll call it the "Autism Filter". I haven't got the money to go through the diagnosis process but it's looking pretty likely.

With that filter on, look again at my being absolutely focused on writing affirmations for 5 years and then stopping to suddenly focus obsessively on my research work for the next 2 or 3 - except for the two months I took off to sit on the porch every single day and write a medieval romance novel.

Now I want to get back into affirming again and I try to - I still feel it's important and I keep saying to myself I'll do it - but I just don't have that obsessive drive to do it anymore.

I think if we look at this with the autism filter, it starts to paint a pretty clear picture of what might be going on here...

.

Answer #2

It became more and more difficult, and more high stakes to write affirmations, as the number of followers kept growing. There are now 15000 - although who knows how many of you are still on Tumblr? But that's a lot of responsibility and it became very stressful to keep making sure SAAs are for everyone and that no one feels excluded by them (excepting people who should always be excluded, like Nazis). When it was just a few random people reading affirmations, it was much easier to chuck in a few and whatever. But the more the blog grew, the greater the stress.

.

Answer #3

I started writing Slightly Aggressive Affirmations for myself. I was the only one following the blog and it was set to send ME reminders of my own value - in the kind of aggressive language necessary to get through to me - because I was extremely low on confidence and needed real force to get it in to my head. But then things snowballed.

Thing is - I don't need them any more. It's harder to think of the kinds of things I should write, because I know longer need them myself. I have Slightly Aggressively Affirmed myself to a really great place, in terms of my self confidence and self love. I still have bipolar, and right now my life isn't going so great, so I get depressed but I do not believe fundamentally, at my core, that I am bullshit trash.

My primary emotion nowadays is possibly worse! I'm driven by anger a lot of the time - I've got a lot of deep rage, caused by long ago trauma. (I'm in therapy, don't worry). But I think most people would agree that I'm a fundamentally different person to who I was pre-pandemic. I'll tell you more about it some time. But I am drastically different - and definitely more than SLIGHTLY aggressive most of the time.

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In conclusion, I believe affirming used to be an autistic special interest of mine and now it is not - but I'd love to make it one again! Especially now my two-year long, 65 000 word research project is finished. But it's much harder to get back to where I was, because the number of followers I have now is different, Tumblr is different and I am hugely different as a person.

Thankyou for reading this short essay/memoir. I'll see what I can do about a little affirming tomorrow.

Always remember that YOU MATTER!!! YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! YOU ARE THE ONLY FUCKING YOU IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD!!! THINK ABOUT HOW FUCKING MAGICAL THAT IS!!!