#and i had to refrain myself to add some from a matter of time and deadlines

[kingwu]

sharing a little thing that @worldly-diversity​​ (writing as Mako) and i (writing as wu) did back in 2020 through tumblr IMs so it’s pretty short and rough, but it ends up really cute.

it started off as like us jokingly talking about wu just being dumb and not knowing boundaries like of course wu would just straddle mako's lap because he's a dumbass and then we started to rp it out lol

"Would you stop it already?" Mako huffs softly. 

 "Stop what exactly?" Wu hummed. 

 "Just-" He groans annoyedly, trying to put at least some distance between them but failing. It's making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and he doesn't know what to do about it.

Wu huffed back and shook his head as he climbed off of Mako's lap and plopped next to him instead, crossing his arms. "You gotta learn how to use your words, Mako." He wasn't going to admit that he enjoyed the tension there, but he didn't really want to push it if the firebender was actually uncomfortable about it.

"Yeah? Well you use too many of them." He retorted mullishly, arms crossed. It's a weak blow, really, but there's this itch he doesn't know what to do with, and Wu wasn't helping, it's making him frustrated. It's not that he really minded though, the warmth of the young king on his lap surprising but not negative. But it did make him uncomfortable in his inability to understand what the hell was going on.

"Because I know how to use them!" he waved a matter-of-factly finger in the air. "How else am I supposed to hold the position of the Earth Throne if I didn't, hm?" But to Mako's point, he was still talking too much. After another huff, Wu glanced sideways at his companion, noticing he was still red in his cheeks. The royal peered up at his face as he placed a concerned hand on Mako's knee. "Sorry. You okay?" he asked, his tone softer this time.

The sudden touch jolted Mako from his internalized thoughts, to the point of loosening the arms that had until then been tightly crossed in front of his chest. "I- Yeah, I'm fine... Thanks." He felt a little bad for snapping at the prince now, the urge to make it better manifesting, though he has no idea how to go through with it.

As quick as a switch flip, Wu's mood changed and the smug expression he wore most of the time was back on his face. "Good. Like I said, worry and all that gives you premature wrinkles," he remarked, lightly papping Mako's face again. He totally missed Mako's flinch as the oblivious king he was. "But like I said, you really need to say what you mean. How else is someone going to know?"

The sudden change brought an annoyed twitch to his brow, the strange urge now easily squashed. He refrained from retorting though, only giving half a shrug. "I'm just not very good at expressing myself, I guess, but I haven't really needed to either."

The king let out another huff -- the firebender brought out a lot of them --, a little exasperated at how much in common Mako had with a brick wall emotionally. "Then how do you know what you want, huh? You gotta treat yourself sometimes!" He accentuated the last few words by lightly slapping Mako's knee along with them. "Don't you just ever want to reach out and grab whatever you want in the moment?"

Mako jolted slightly with the touches, though Wu's little speech went in one ear and out the other. He was the one with restraint, the most of it next to Asami when it came to the new team avatar, so no... He never did things like that. In fact, following such desires sounded like a monumentally bad idea... "Well... Don't you ever know how to hold back?" Not knowing how to answer, he returns with a question of his own, despite silently admitting to himself that Wu's open behaviour is part of the other's charm. Ah, not that he's actually charming or anything--!

"Of COURSE I do!" he admitted with a scoff probably a little too quickly. "Do you know how large my wardrobe would be if I didn't?" To add to his dramatics, he rolled his eyes. "But youuuu," Wu jabbed a finger at Mako this time, "didn't answer my question. When was the last time you did something for yourself, hm??"

He couldn't help the mildly amused snort that escaped him at the other's comment, the superfluity of it so very typical of Wu. Still, he tsk's softly under his breath at being called out. " I guess... not since I dated Asami and Korra..." His job didn't leave much time for personal frivolity and neither did he have the means for such things. And ever since he'd been contracted to work for Wu, well... Time to himself or privacy were concepts he'd had to say goodbye to... Still, not being left to wallow in his thoughts was good for him, he figured. "I'm not really the type of guy to just do whatever anyway though... I've got responsibilities."

In the moment Wu was exercising his ability to hold back as he tried his hardest not to sigh again. Sometimes he just felt like shaking Mako as if it would jostle some sort of wake up call that would let him know it's okay to not always be on-the-job. "Look, I know that being my bodyguard is, like, a round-the-clock sort of thing, but since you've started, nothing wrong has happened while we were here," he motioned with a hand at the Presidential Suite that they were in, Wu's place of living for the past couple of years, "so you can just relax, you know? Take it easy. You deserve it."

"Yeah, but..." He lightly gnawed at his lip, arms uncomfortably at his sides, not liking being idle unless they’re crossed. He sighed, finally glancing over to the other, though whatever emotion is in his eyes is difficult to make out. "I feel like whenever I take my eyes off of you, something bad happens. I mean, remember the incident at the restaurant where Kuvira's goons captured you?" That was supposedly safe, and yet... He can't help but worry.

While Mako's concern was very touching, the king rolled his royal eyes instead. "Yeah, that's because you weren't with me. I'm right here right now, clearly in your sights." This time he didn't hold back a frustrated groan as he slumped down in his seat. "Look, what I'm saying is that when we're here, alone, you can loosen up! Take it easy! It's a Presidential Suite, for spirits' sake, Mako! Unbutton and unwind!"

Wu did have a point... In an attempt to appease the other, mako uncomfortably slumped in his seat before raising a brow at the other. He wasn't about to unbutton anything- "Happy now?"

Of course 'unbutton' was just a saying and he wasn't expecting any buttons to move, but in any case Wu also wasn't expecting Mako to slump down with him, so immediately he burst into laughter, clutching his stomach as he did.

Naturally, the laughter immediately caused the firebender to bristle, posture growing tense again as he glared at the other. "What's so funny?!" He certainly didn't appreciate being laughed at... Especially not when he was trying to humor the other and making an effort.

It took him a bit to come down from his laughing fit, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye as he finally did. "Nothing, nothing! You just caught me off guard is all," Wu said, still trying to stifle some giggles. "I'm just so used to seeing you all straight-laced and everything that seeing you sink into the couch like that was, uh," he paused for a moment not knowing what word he wanted exactly. "Kinda cute, I guess?"

He was frowning at the other with mild annoyance right up to the moment Wu coined the term he'd been looking for, catching Mako entirely off guard and even making the usually stoic male blush slightly, although he'd brush it off as surprise. "Cute. Seriously?" He rolled his eyes, brushing it off as a joke, or trying to at least.

"Yeah! Cute! Like, you know when a ferocious polar bear dog basically turns into a little puppy when it's not being on guard? Like that." Once again, Wu was rambling too much to notice the soft pinking in Mako's cheek at his words.

Mako can't help but snort at basically being compared to Naga. Still, clearly Wu has a high opinion of him, to liken him to a ferocious animal... "Uhh, thanks, I guess? I'm no puppy though..." The petulant comment slips out unbidden despite himself, not having meant to give Wu any extra ammo.

Imagining Mako as an actual puppy almost made Wu dissolve back into giggles, but, again, he exercised his restraint. "What are you then?" the king leaned an elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand with a mischievous smile gracing his face as he awaited Mako's answer. If anything he was glad to see him loosening up at least a little.

"Uhh..." Well fuck. He's no good at this whole analogy thing, but 'puppy' itches at his pride. Wu staring him down like this, all expectantly is making him feel nervous somehow, and he doesn't have an answer to offer...

"I'm jooooking-- you don't have to answer that," he snorted and waved the hand his chin was on as if dismissing it. "You're Mako and that's all that matters."

Somehow... That easy certitude into who Mako was to him brought another small blush to tanned cheeks, not having expected the honesty of the comment or his own reaction to it. "Thanks Wu... You're a good guy, y'know.." He's not usually one to dole out praise, but the strange feeling demands some sort of recompense it seems

Through this oh-so-casual conversation focusing on Mako's need to loosen up, the last thing Wu was expecting was to be thanked and then complimented, which made him pause a moment from surprise. Immediately he grinned back at the firebender. "I know. You're not so bad yourself," he joked as he lightly elbowed Mako in the side.

He chuckles softly, letting Wu jab at him before reasoning over to ruffle his hair, kind of like he'd done to Bolin like a million times. It's the most relaxed Wu had probably ever seen him.

Normally, the king would've batted away anyone's hand from touching his carefully styled hair, but Wu let it slide as he was too distracted by Mako's soft laughter, barely even noticing the warmth in his cheeks as it was his turn to blush. "S-See?" he stuttered a bit. "You do know how to relax!"

He had expected a small playful tirade about messing up the royal hair, but he instead spots the blush, wondering why Wu is having such a reaction. He lets it slide with a small grin though. "Well of course, I wasn't born in work mode." He teases with a small smirk. "Hell, I used to be in the triads way before we joined pro-bending"

Wu gasped dramatically, holding his face with both of his hands as he did. If him being silly was an invitation for Mako relax a little more, he was going to play up the theatrics. "You? A gangster?? And they let you be on the Police Force?"

Mako couldn't help but be amused at the other's antics, raising a brow at him playfully. "What, you think I don't look tough enough to be a gangster?" He shook his head with slight amusement. "To be fair we only did minor jobs for Shady Shin and his ilk, we were never really members. It was a long time ago, either way. I don't think Chief Beifong really gave a damn unless I was actually fucking up on the job." He grinned fondly. For all that she was tough as nails, Mako did respect her greatly.

The king furrowed his brows a little, trying to figure out what he meant by a long time ago -- the two of them were in their early 20s and it didn't occur to him that the Triple Threats would hire teenagers; he wasn't deeply interested in the underbelly of the city. "I mean, granted, you're the best on the beat, which is why I hired you after all."

Mako rolled his eyes slightly at that comment, the atmosphere seeming to change a little again. Maybe this whole opening up thing wouldn't work out very well... They've certainly gotten closer over time, but being hired because he was the best on the force? It makes him a little uncomfortable... Maybe it's the thought that Wu wouldn't have given a shit if someone had been 'better' than him on paper, he'd have picked someone else for the job and Mako would just be doing same old... He's been looking after Wu long enough now that not doing it was weird to him. "I guess so..." He muttered, realising he was supposed to answer.

Quickly sensing the mood change, Wu's royal brow wrinkled under his still-tousled bangs, confused to how his accolades about Mr. I-Have-Responsilbities' work ethic made it seem like they had taken two steps back. "You 'guess so'?" he echoed. "That was compliment, Mako! A pat on the back for a job well done!" He accentuated it by literally patting him on the back of his shoulder -- since the rest of his back was still against the couch. "Back then I didn't know that I'd gain a treasured companion as well," he said a little softer.

"Oh..." He honestly doesn't know what to say, realising his mistake. Wu sometimes said thoughtless things, but that didn't mean there was thoughtlessness in everything he did, and he sometimes still managed to forget that. Never mind Mako's not exactly good at any of this stuff, talking about his feelings, whatever. It's just not his game, and way out of his comfort zone besides. He looks much calmer now, but he doesn't know what to say either.

The king let the silence between them hang in the air a bit. He then gently nudged Mako's side and whispered, "Psst. This is the part where you go: Yeah Wu you're awesome too wow." As he said the second part, he stuck his fingers through his curls, pulling them up a bit to mimic Mako's hair, furrowed his brows, and made his voice a little more gravely in a poor attempt to sound like him. Once it was done, he let go of his hair, which just flopped in front of his face as he laughed at his own impression.

Mako chuckled softly and playfully poked him in the side, a small grin on his face. "A dork is what you are." He teased, not feeling the need to bloat Wu's ego any further than he already did today. Still, this is nice, and he does appreciate Wu making an effort to not be annoying, if that makes sense. He knows Wu can be mature and sensible if he wants to be, it's just that he doesn't usually want to be that.

He couldn't help but laugh along, folding a little as Mako poked him. Wu retaliated by bumping his shoulder against his. "That's 'Your Royal Dork-ness,' to you, good sir," he said, putting on a faux pompous air that didn't last very long as he grinned again, just knowing the fact that he made Mako laugh again.

[homonculos]

posting this here bc my bf follows me on goodreads and i dont want to hurt his feelings bc he liked this book.

The book is Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.

tldr: this book is fun to read, but I think it weirdly ignores a lot of ways that sexual habits are a product of a culture & dont exist in a vacuum. also spends way too much time talking about bonobos and not other human species, like H. erectus, H. neandertalensis, etc.

Reading this book in 2024, when polyamory has become more prevalent in pop culture, adds some scientific backing to conversations about non-monogamous lifestyles that is a refreshing break from the way I often hear people talk about the practice.

I liked it, insofar as I found the writing entertaining and the subject matter interesting (sex sells), but I agree with a lot of other reviewers that are critical of the authors' cavalier, at times conspiratorial tone and flimsy analysis of established titans of evolutionary biology.

To start, I think there's some major structural editing oversights in this book that would have drastically improved its arguments. For example, the first third or so is dedicated to bridging a mental connection between evolutionary concepts that really could be condensed into one or two chapters. As other reviewers have pointed out, many evolutionary theories cited in this book are presented with a critical read at the outset, which clouds their meaning; it follows that the authors' response is cloudy too, though that's a disservice to the "enlightening" use of constant innuendo. I found myself progressing through chapters without a clear understanding what the authors had argued, despite feeling like I read the same sentence re-worded over and over again.

Also, sex culture in modern foraging societies is almost always presented completely without context about where and how the foragers live, why this custom came to be, and how it fits into their society's wider belief system, which feels rather tokenizing. A harsher read could argue that the authors are using certain situations from these societies for shock value. I recalled that the authors asked readers to forgo our cultural hang-ups at the beginning of the book, so I did try to look beyond my initial reactions to some examples, but it eventually became clear that they were not really interested in talking about these societies outside of the ways they demonstrated non-monogamy. Maybe I'm looking for a different book with this, but I honestly think that a chapter or two talking about how foraging societies are characterized, how and why cultures transition to agriculture or stay nomadic, and why non-monogamy thrives in these cultures would strengthen the authors' points. Humans are incredibly diverse, and blanket statements don't really make good science — but well-defined, specific evidence does, and this book seems to actively avoid that.

I'm not mad I read it; I think it's clear that the authors really only had one thing to say — monogamy is boring because we evolved to have a lot of sex with different people — and they did a good job of making a big splash with it. They had a lot of fun with this concept and it's a really digestible way of presenting a counter-cultural idea. I did love how near the end, the authors just straight up said "We don't really have any advice." Just here to stir the pot — obsessed with that LOL!

Some topics I found glaringly absent from this book were how consent comes into play in sexually egalitarian societies, dynamics in same-sex relationships, what is considered "sex" and how that definition changes by culture, and how sex and patriarchy become linked to power in modern monogamous Western culture. Not that the book takes a particular bent toward sexism, but it is sort of hard to ignore that there's a subtle but constant refrain of "women used to put out more! we used to not care about paternity and accountability to our sexual partners — it's natural! that's what men we all need — more sex! to cure their our social ills!"

Not factually wrong, but it just feels kind of disingenuous to gloss over hundreds of years of entrenched sexual oppression and violence against women at the hands of men and expect readers to react to EXCLUSIVELY this historical scenario. Again, I know these authors are not "offering solutions," but you can't just say "well we all USED to hold hands and sing Kumbaya, you know!" and claim you're just making an innocent observation.

[hearsayhorizons]

In my experience, people are mostly thrilled to have conversations in this hellsite full of little islands made of tags and rubber bands. I had a short convo for the first time last week and I'm still stoked!

But I get where you're coming from. I spent the first 18 years of my life compressing myself physically and socially because I needed to survive more than I thought I needed my own space or voice.

I'm 31 now, and I'm still unpacking myself, reassuring myself that I won't get hurt for breathing too loudly and that people enjoy my presence.

I'm a lifelong pedestrian. (gray disabilities rise up). When I made it to safety, I couldn't feel safe. I carried a water bottle no matter the weather SPECIFICALLY so that when I came to a crossroads with a vehicle waiting, I could stop and obviously be busy until they moved. This was not because I was afraid of some Masshole hitting me, but because I was terrified that someone I would never never meet in their probably-aircon vehicle would be inconvenienced by missing their opportunity to pull out and I might make them more frustrated with pedestrians in the future. The slightest maybe and what-if were worth more than my actual time and discomfort BY DEFAULT.

I'm always as quick to cross as I can safely and I still have to fight the voice that says, "oh, they waved at you and called good morning through the window? They're just fulfilling the social contract; they're actually disgusted you wasted their ten seconds." If there's no input, that intrusive thought gets so much worse.

I relate that anecdote because you're the pedestrian waiting at the road and OP, the driver. If you reply or add info, and they don't agree or dislike it, you waste about ten seconds of their time (if somebody hates the first line of your lengthy response and lets it eat five minutes of their time, that is on them).

what if you do say something stupid, and the op or peanut gallery deride you? You'll probably make someone go "oh, yeah!" even if that person doesn't comment. As long as you're respectful (and I mean reasonably so, not softening your comments or requests until they're incomprehensible, ask me how I know that's bad).

In the course of relearning my space and my voice and that humans are social creatures that probably are good or neutral with existing physically and socially nearby me and that I'm not a pariah or burden for being, I have definitely put my foot in it, said the wrong thing, said too much and realized that faces have glazed over. Said not enough because I tried trimming too far and made both parties frustrated.

Yeah, you might say something tone-deaf or it might get taken in the wrong way because you leave off a sarcasm tag because you think it's impossible to interpret otherwise and direct indicator might maybe possibly come off as condescending.

I definitely have. Red down arrows on reddit continue to harsh my mellow entirely out of proportion.

But I've discovered that I have no sense of these things myself, that I make what feel like profound observations about the world and get taken for an idiot but say other things that feel like nothing much but end up in three-hour conversations that change us both.

I can't tell, I still can't judge. But even when I waste people's time, I'm calibrating. I'm learning to take that feeling and fight it off with the refrain that "they have aircon," which is... whatever. Patience. Understanding. Empathy. The option to walk away. As long as you don't keep engaging when someone gives you a clear no, you have the right to a crosswalk.

So you might frustrate them. Is the guaranteed lack of potential frustration worth the lack of potential connection? Your brain will say yes, because it weighs you less than them. You have a right to speak as you will--but you don't have a right to manage other people or their emotions.

If you skip out on a possible encounter because you're anticipating other people's reactions, that's what you're doing. What I'm doing. It's the only thing damaging my life with the people who help me become the person I want to be, and I hate it. If your brain dives off the social cliff before you start to type, choose to believe people are good and gregarious, not that you're mundane or empty of worthwhile perspective.

Take the plunge. I just did.

working up the courage to add actual reblogs onto other people's posts and Say Things is so hard. i promised myself i wouldn't keep not doing this soley out of Feeling Awkward About It and i'm trying to remember that i have useful things to contribute to conversations and i'm allowed to take up space and all of that. but i'm still like, what if OP of this post hates my addition and i have to go hide in a hole forever

[hotfuss]

day and age! (if it was already asked then BB or ITM)

thank you molly! idk where you got this impression i love d&a so much, it’s a mystery 🤔

i’m doing both bc you know i can’t take decisions

battle born

the first song from this album I heard: runaways do I own the album?: yes, battle born deluxe edition my beloved my favorite song: battle born and flesh and bone my least favorite song: from here on out a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: flesh and bone (didn’t like is too strong, but i thought it was only fine but look at me now with flesh and bone brain worms to the point i wrote about it in the zine!) a song I used to like, but now don’t: here with me, i’m my defense i was in a long distance relationship so the lyrics Don't want your picture / On my cell phone / I want you here with me were highly relatable my favorite lyric: bro... all of flesh and bone but i’ll quote only some highlights: Somewhere outside that finish line / I square up and break through the chains Cut from the cloth, of a flag that / Bears the name of "Battle Born" (This could decay) / This could decay / Like the valley below / Defences are down / The stakes are high... the ending verse??? absolute masterpiece??

We used to look at the stars and confess our dreams / Hold each other to the morning light / We used to laugh, now we only fight / Baby are you lonesome now? / At night I come home after they go to sleep  / Like a stumbling ghost, I haunt these halls / There's a picture of us on our wedding day / I recognize the girl but I can't settle in these walls

Maybe a thief stole your heart / Or maybe we just drifted apart / I remember driving / In my daddy's car to the airfield / Blanket on the hood, backs against the windshield / Back then this thing was running on momentum, love and trust That paradise is buried in the dust

I can see the time drippin' down the clock / We've been trying to hear that ancient refrain / It's the one that knows just when our heads are down / And reminds us of the place from where we came Many doors, knock on one / Standin' still, time is raging / Staring down the mouth of a hundred thousand guns / And you're still here, you're still here Deep in the night, I feel the presence / Of something that was long ago told to me / There is a hand, guiding the river / The river to wide open sea / And deep in my heart, in any game, / On any mountain, no I'm not afraid / Standing on stone, you stand beside me / And honour the plans that were made

And may your limits be unknown / And may your efforts be your own And if they drag you through the mud / It doesn't change what's in your blood (Over rock, over chain, over trap, over plain) / When they knock you down

When you shine you're a hilltop mansion / So how'd you lose the light? / Was it blown by the wind, / In the still of the night? When they break your heart / When they cause your soul to mourn / Remember what I said / Boy you was battle born Come on show your face / Come on give us one more spark / Sing a song of fire / Lest we fall into the dark You never live, / You never learn / You never shine / If you never burn

I've been living in a fantasy / Slip and slide ahead trip heaven / Self-denial is such a wonderful and powerful thing / But I'm not the one When you self-destruct you wind up looking for a glimmer of hope Just how thick is your skin? / Just how sharp are your teeth? / Oh, you've got a lot to learn / Is there somewhere else that I can win / Is there something else to start over again / From the summit's edge to the cutting room floor / I will be afraid no more overall rating out of 10: 10/10 bb deserved better tbh imploding the mirage

the first song from this album I heard: caution do I own the album?: yep! my favorite song: my god and my own soul’s warning my least favorite song: ugh... maybe blowback for the slightly yeehaw sound? a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: running towards a place a song I used to like, but now don’t: caution, too overplayed my favorite lyric: If you could see through the banner of the sun / Into eternity's eyes Like a vision reaching down to you / Would you turn away? / What if it knew you by your name? / What kind of words would cut / Through the clutter of the whirlwinds of these days?

But she's gonna break out, boy, you'd better know that / It's just a matter of time She fights back / Breathing in the blowback Can you cast out a demon? / Can you wrangle the wind? / Will you stay when she's breathing the blowback again?

They say no one's gonna save you / You've gotta make it on your own / But I called from the dark / And you picked up the phone / On my back in the raging blue / I looked up, and you cut right through

Give me a song that I may sing / That cuts like a canyon and rides on a wing The moment we met / Burst like a star / Onto the canvas of the skyline Purple and gold / We're in this together / I ain't never letting go

Don't talk to me about forgiveness / My God, just look who's back in business / That weight that dragged you down / It has been made light / And I'm at the top of my lungs / 'Cause big love cannot be understated / Don't push, control is overrated / I know that if we stick together / My God, it's like the weight has been lifted

Reach for the summit / Of an ancient design / On the verge of eternal / On the heels of divine / If you stumble and fall (If you stumble and fall) / If the way can't be found (If the way can't be found) / We'll just follow the moon, to the stars / To the sun, to the ground / And around, and around / And around / In the light, in the heat / Through the folds, and the bends / And again, and again / And again

overall rating out of 10: 10/10

send me an album!

[fandomgirlz01]

Always Come For You Pt. 1

Steve Rogers x Reader

Imagine on my fandom Instagram?: No

Prompt?: No

Request?: No

Requested prompt?: No

Edited: Yes

Word count: 5720

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings here (none yet... they will be coming soon)

You can listen to the story be read out loud here.

Post Date: August 22ed 2022

Post Time: 9:46 pm

Summary: Steve thought he’d lost both his best friends in the war, but he never expected seventy years later to find out that he’d ever get to see the two that mattered most to him again. First Bucky, now he’s told the reader is alive too? Will he ever get the chance to tell the reader how he feels or is all lost? Bucky came back, so why can’t you?

This was based off of a post I saw on @druiigg page now it is in no way shape or form taking anything from the work that was posted to their page, it just heavily inspired it. So thank you Enna for inspiring this.

This is the post that inspired this:

Please refrain from stealing our work, thank you and please enjoy!!!

Steve’s Pov: *Flashback* 

���War continues to ravage Europe, but help is on the way. Every able-bodied young man is lining up to serve his country. Even little Timmy is doing his part collecting scrap metal. Nice work Timmy!” The war ad before the movie plays. 

“Nobody cares!” A guy shouts out from the front of the theater. 

“Just play the movie!” he continues to shout as he throws his hand up. 

“Hey, show some respect, won’t you?” I whisper out to the guy and he goes quiet as the ad plays on. 

“Our brave boys are showing the axis that the price of our freedom is never too high.” The ad continues to play on with it now quiet. 

“Let’s go! Get on with it!” he yells out again and I get angry. 

“Hey, just start the cartoon!” he continues on as everyone just lets him. 

“Hey, you wanna shut up?” I yell at him on my last straw as I lean forward. 

“Together with allied forces, we’ll face any threat, no matter the size.” The ad plays on as the guy slowly stands up in front of me and glares at me. 

Before I know it, we’re outside and I’m getting a punch to the face. I get back up, but he’s bigger than me so he easily throws another punch, making me fall to the ground again. I get back up using the wall and grab the lid to the trash cans that are next to me. 

I hold the lid out like a shield, but he easily rips it from my hand and throws it to his side. He then turns back and throws another punch, making me stumble back against the wall. I stand back up and get into a fighting stance, ready to fight back. 

“You just don’t know when to give up, do you?” he asks as he throws his arms up before letting them drop back to his side. 

“I can do this all day,” I pant out as I get down, ready to fight him off. 

I take one swing at him, but he quickly blocks it before throwing another punch to the other side. I go flying back to the floor and hit the trash cans on my way down. 

“Hey!” I hear a familiar voice say as I take a moment, but I turn my head to see Bucky. 

“Pick on someone your own size,” Bucky tells the guy as he walks backwards. 

The guy then swings at Bucky and he dodges it before laying his own punch to the guy. I get up and lean over the trash, watching as Bucky kicks him in the butt and the guy goes running off. 

“Sometimes I think you like getting punched,” Bucky jokes as he walks over to me. 

“I had him on the ropes,” I responded as I flick my hand to get goop off of it. 

“How many times is this?” Bucky asks as he bends over and picks up my recently failed enlistment slip. 

“You're from Paramus now?” Bucky asks as he looks up from the slip and I don’t reply as I start to dust myself off. 

“You know it’s illegal to lie on the enlistment form?” he asks as he looks at me. 

“And seriously, Jersey?” he adds as I wipe at my nose before I finally look up at him to see him in uniform. 

“You get your orders?” I ask as I continue to wipe my hands. 

“The 107th. Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England first thing tomorrow,” he affirms and I nod slowly. 

“I should be going,” I state as I look down and rub my hands together one last time. 

“Come on. Knucklehead,” Bucky chuckles out after a moment of silence before gripping my shoulder. 

“It’s my last night. Y/n’s gonna clean ya up,” Bucky explains as he keeps his arm around me and we head outside of the alley. 

“Why? Where are we going?” I ask as we continue to walk. 

“The future,” he replies as he hands me a newspaper. 

I look at it to see an ad for the world expansion of tomorrow. I shake my head and fold the paper back up before turning to him again. 

“Is y/n going?” I ask and he shakes his head. 

“Nope. I asked her. Said she had other plans. She’ll be leaving the house at maybe 6:30ish. Gives her time to help patch ya up,” Bucky explains as we start walking towards my house. 

“But didn’t she just get off work?” I ask and he nods. “Maybe we shouldn’t bother her then,” I add on and Bucky chuckles. 

“I know you don’t want to have her do it, but you know what she’ll say if I don’t bring you to her,” Bucky replies and I only nod in silent agreement. 

“Well, come on. Hussle, buddy, we’re meeting the girls at seven,” he explains as he puts his arm around my neck again and pushes me forward slightly. 

“What girls?” I ask him and he chuckles. 

“I may or may not have found us dames to hang around for the night,” he admits with a grin and I roll my eyes. 

We walked for quite a while before coming up to my mom's apartment. Instead of going to mine, Bucky knocks on the door across from us. We wait maybe five minutes before we hear y/n. 

“Coming just a minute!” she shouts before the door swings open. 

“Boys! Hi!” Y/n beams at us before her mouth falls into a frown as she looks at me over. 

“Oh Stevie, did you win another fight?” she asks and I shake my head no as I grin. 

“No. I lost again,” I uttered and she gave a ‘whatever’ motion with her hand. 

“Awe, I really thought you’d win this time. I guess there’s always next time, bubs,” she mused with a smile and Bucky scoffs. 

“Y/n, please don’t encourage it,” Bucky complains and y/n lets out a heavenly giggle. 

“Bucky. I’m not encouraging anything, but the fact he’ll win,” she remarks and he rolls his eyes exasperatedly. 

“That’s encouraging him to fight in the first place,” he remarks and she shrugs, making him roll his eyes. 

“Well, come on. Gotta get you fixed up for that date,” she affirms as she grabs my hand and starts to pull me to her bathroom. 

“Did ya at least get one punch in?” Y/n asks as she pushes me to sit on her toilet and starts to get her supplies she keeps for this exact reason. 

“No.. he blocked it,” I murmur and she just smile at me. 

“There’s always next time, bubs. I know you’ll get one in next time,” she reiterates what she said before. 

“I heard that! Stop encouraging him to fight, y/n!” Bucky shouts from her living room. 

“Oh! You heard no such thing!” she yells back before turning to me and putting a finger to her lips, telling me to be quiet. 

“I like your moxie, Steve. Keep it. Don’t ever lose it,” she tells me as she puts a hand on my cheek, rubbing it lightly before going back to cleaning my cuts. 

“Did he tell you he tried to enlist again? Under another alias?” Bucky asks as he comes into the bathroom and leans on the door watching as she cleans at my lip. 

“No. Steve? Did you?” she asks and I sigh before nodding. 

“Stevie. I know you want to help, but please don’t do that. You could get caught. Then where would I be after you go away for it? Stuck with this pain in the neck… no, I really don’t think I could handle that…” she deadpans, jabbing her thumb over her shoulder at him and I laugh when Bucky’s face falls. 

“Hey! I wouldn’t be so bad to be stuck with!” he proclaims, making me and y/n laugh. 

“Sorry to tell you, Buck… but it’d be absolute torture. I need Steve more than you…” she jokes and he scoffs before shaking his head. 

“Oh, stop being all in cahoots, you knuckleheads,” Bucky grumbles with a frown, making me and y/n laugh. 

“Awe, Buck, I’m just ragging on you. That’s all,” y/n professes with another giggle. 

“Ragging on me? No, no it doesn't work that way. I’m the one who’s always supposed to be ragging on you. Not the other way around,” Bucky explains and she giggles. 

“Buck, it’s way above my pay grade to not be ragging on you,” y/n jokes back and he just huffs as he crosses his arms. 

“Whatever you say, doll,” Bucky settled as he shook his head still leaned against the door frame. 

“They're all done. The dame that’s going out with you tonight is a real lucky girl, Stevie, treat her right tonight. You hear me?” she tells me as she pokes my chest and Bucky bursts out laughing. 

“Y/n, you're the only girl he’s ever really been around. With the way he treats you, doll, I really don’t think Steve could harm a soul,” Bucky bursts out and y/n rolls her eyes. 

“Every guy is capable of hurting someone at least once, Buck. Whether it be physically or mentally. Even our Steve is capable of it. I love Steve and you, but you're still men in the 40s,” she explains and Bucky rolls his eyes. 

“And you’ll always be our doll. I promise I’ll treat her well,” I agree with her and she smiles an almost sad, soft smile at me. 

“Good. Now get going, I gotta get ready,” she tells us as she pushes us towards the door. 

“Boys, wait…” she exclaims as Buck opens the door. 

We both turn around and before I know it, I’m being pulled into a bone-crushing hug. I hug her back, confused, but I hear her sniffle. 

“What’s wrong, y/n? Are you ok?” I ask her and she quickly nods. 

“I’m ok, Stevie,” she responds before squeezing me one last time. 

“I love you, ok. Just remember that,” she whispers in my ear before she fully pulls away and I arch an eyebrow when I see her eyes are rimmed red. 

“I love you too. You know I always will,” I tell her and she softly smiles at me. 

“Can you give me and Buck a minute, Steve?” she asks and I give her a thoughtful look. 

“Sure. I’ll be just outside,” I say, pointing over my shoulder. 

Y/n’s Pov: 

“Bucky. If I’m not here for when you leave tomorrow, promise me you’ll give this to Steve,” I tell Bucky as I hand him the fat envelope that I had put my letter and a few other things to Steve in. 

“What? What do you mean you won’t be here?” he asks and I shake my head. 

“I can’t tell you. Government stuff…” I explain and his eyes widen. 

“Your aunt…” Bucky gasps out and I nod. 

“It’s time I take her place. Don’t worry, I won’t be the only girl. What’s your station going to be?” I ask him and he shakes his head in disbelief. 

“No. You were supposed to stay here and be with Steve,” he fights back and I sigh. 

“That was the plan, Buck… but I didn’t predict my aunt being killed in action then me needing to go take her place. What is your station?” I ask again and he rubs his face in frustration. 

“The 107th…” he reluctantly tells me and I shrug. 

“At least we’ll be together. Best friends helping one another through war,” I joke, but tears fill my eyes and I start to shake. 

“I don’t want to leave him all alone, Bucky,” I mutter as my tears start to fall now. 

“Oh, doll. Come here.” Bucky pulls me into a hug. 

“Why don’t you just tell him? You told me. Then maybe he’ll understand,” Bucky tries to reason with me and I shake my head. 

“There’s nothing to understand, Buck. My aunt told Erskine herself that she wanted me and not my cousin. She knew that I’d handle it far better,” I explain and Bucky sighs. 

“I really wish you didn’t have to go,” Bucky sympathizes with me and I choke back a sob. 

“Me too, but I have no other choice,” I explain as I try to hold back another sob. 

“But if for some reason I die over there, you give him this,” I tell him as I hit my knuckle against the thick envelope. 

“I promise I will…” Bucky says before he’s hugging me again. 

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I state sadly and he nods. 

“Wait! I forgot to give you yours,” I exclaim before I rush back over to my desk to grab Bucky’s letter. 

“Just promise me, you’ll only read it if I don’t make it home,” I choke out as I hand it to him and he nods with sadness all over his face. 

“So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Bucky asks and I nod sadly. 

He gives me one last half-hearted smile before he shoves the letters into his jacket. I watch as he leaves my house and pats Steve on the back as they both walk off. Steve turns and gives me one last wave and I wave back as I lean against the door frame. 

I watch as they push each other back and forth until they're out of sight. I shake my head with a light smile before walking back into my house. I walk back into my room and see my suitcase half packed. 

I finish packing up my suitcase before sighing as a knock is sounded on the door. I walk out to the door and open it. 

“Dr. Erskine, hello,” I greet the older man in front of me. 

“Hello, dear. Are you ready to go? We need to make a stop by one of the recruitment buildings on our way out,” he explains and I nod as he holds out his hand before motioning for my suitcase. 

“Oh. Thank you. Just let me turn all the lights out,” I explain and he nods as he takes my suitcase for me. 

I walk back to my room and take one last look around at it. A tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away before sighing. I then turn off the light before walking back out to the living room and catching the rest of the lights off as I go. When all the lights are off, I walk out and turn around to lock the apartment door. 

After locking up, I turn around to see Erskine holding a car door open for me. I walk over and give him a light smile before getting into the car. He gets in next to me before telling the driver he can go. 

The driver drives for a while before coming up to a recruitment building. Erskine leans forward and talks with the driver for a moment before turning back to me. 

“Ok dear, the driver is going to take you to the plane where you’ll fly over with Howard Stark. I’ll see you tomorrow morning at camp,” he explains and I nod as I give him a light smile. 

“When you get to camp, you’ll be introduced to Miss Peggy Carter. She’ll share your tent with you as well as work alongside you. She’ll inform you more on your job once you get there,” he explains and I nod in understanding, making him smile. 

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow!” he reiterates as he gets out of the car. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Dr.,” I respond before the door closes. 

He waves at me and I wave back before the driver pulls the car out of its spot. I watch with my forehead against the window as the driver passes all the places I knew growing up. I let a few tears fall as I see the diner Steve would always take me to after nightmares. 

“Ma’am, are you ok?” The driver asks as he makes eye contact with me though the rear view mirror. 

“I’m fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m y/n,” I respond and he lightly smiles at me. 

“Edwin Jarvis Ma’am, but everyone just calls me Jarvis,” Edwin explains as he gives me a small nod. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you, Jarvis,” I tell him with a smile and he gives a nod. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Miss y/n,” he responds with another smile. 

“I hear you’ll be flying over with Mr. Stark. Good luck. He’s a lot sometimes,” he explains with a chuckle as he shakes his head. 

“Do you work for him?” I ask and he nods his head. 

“Yes, I do. I’m his family’s butler. I’ve been with them since he was maybe five,” Jarvis explains with a proud smile. 

“Well I’m sure he appreciates you very much,” I comment with a smile and he smiles back. 

He continues to drive for a while before pulling up next to a plane. He gets out before coming around to open my door for me and I smile at him as I get out. I turn and look at the plane to see someone standing by the stairs. 

“That would be Mr. Stark. He just finished his futuristic show,” Jarvis explains as he pulls my suitcase out for me. 

“Thank you, Jarvis. I hope we get to meet again,” I tell him as I turn to him and he nods. 

“As do I, Miss y/n,” Jarvis replies before handing me my suitcase. 

A well put together man who looks around my age comes over to us. “Ahh, you must be y/n. Alacia’s niece, correct? I’m Howard. It’s nice to meet you, dear,” he says.

“Yeah, that’s me. I was hoping I’d never have to do this, but I wasn’t anticipating auntie Alacia dying,” I explain and he nods solemnly. 

“Well I am sorry to hear about poor Alacia, we were real good friends,” he explains and I give him a sad nod as we start to walk towards the plane. 

“I’m afraid I didn’t know her very well. She was already busy working with the government by the time my mama died,” I explain and he frowns, shaking his head. 

“Well she certainly knew about you, my dear. She was always showing me pictures of you growing up when your mother would send them to her. You were what mattered most to her, my dear,” he explains as he puts a hand on my shoulder and my eyes widen. 

“Really? Cause my mama said she didn’t want anything to do with me…” I mutter out and he shakes his head. 

“All a cover story, doll. She had to stay away to protect you,” he explains some more and I shake my head in disbelief, making us stop a few feet in front of the plane. 

“I don’t believe you,” I timidly squeak out and he holds up a finger. 

“Of course you wouldn’t, you're just like her, you know,” he informs me as he pulls what looks like a wallet out of his back pocket.  

“Here. She kept one just like it with her all the time,” he explains as he pulls something out of the wallet and holds a picture out to me. 

“What? How do you have a baby picture of me?” I ask in shock as I look at the picture of myself. 

“Your aunt…” he starts, but trails off as he gives a dismissive wave in the air. 

“She gave me one when I said how adorable you were one time. She had older photos of you, but I liked this one. You looked so young and cute with your hair all done up,” Howard explains and I feel a blush rise to my cheeks. 

“Thank you. It’s nice to hear I had family I didn’t know around. I always thought of myself as a stray cat after mama passed. I mean I had the boys, but I guess I had you and my auntie out there too,” I timidly explain and he grins. 

“You became part of the team dear, even while not being around. I started to think of you like a sister,” he continues to explain as I just hold the picture:

“Well I hope we can really get to know one another then,” I reply as I give the picture back to him. 

“Glad to hear it! I’m sure we will. Come on then, best be going,” he declares as he puts a hand on my back before starting to lead me to the plane. 

“Oh wait!” I shout out as I set my suitcase down before running over to Jarvis. 

“Bye, Jarvis. I’ll see you soon, ok?” I promise as I pull him into a hug and he smiles as he hugs me. 

“Ok, Miss. See you soon,” he agrees before pulling away from the hug. 

“Hopefully very soon,” I nod in agreement before taking a step back. 

I give him one last wave before fully turning around to see Howard now handing my suitcase over to someone. The person takes it from him and walks away, I can only assume it’s to put it away for the flight. With one last sigh I grab onto my locket that has both the boys in it before starting up the stairs of the plane.

~Time Skip~

“Morning dear. Time to wake up,” I hear as I open my eyes slowly. I see Howard standing over me with a smile. I rub at my eyes as I sit up and Howard sits back down in the seat in front of me. 

“Where are we exactly? Dr. Erskine didn’t exactly tell me where we’re going to be stationed,” I ask through a yawn and Howard lets out a chuckle. 

“Right now you and I are in Paris, but when we head to camp you’ll be at Camp Lehigh in New Jersey,” Howard explains as he gets up out of his seat. 

“Wait, why Paris?” I quickly ask and Howard’s eyebrows furrow. 

“Did Erskine tell you nothing?” Howard asks in an angered voice. 

“No. He did not. He said Peggy Carter would fill me in,” I explain and he sighs, shaking his head. 

“Damn, Dr. Always leaving me to do it all,” he mutters under his breath before standing straight. 

“We are here to get you your uniform and work gear,” he explains as he walks over to the wall before opening the door to a closet. 

“Here, put this dress on. Your first official job starts now,” he tells me as he throws me a nice navy colored dress:

“Ok…” I agree with slight confusion before walking into the bathroom.

Once I’m done changing, I look at myself in the mirror and sigh. I shift around, feeling uncomfortable in the dress, a dress I’d never normally wear. 

Oh what would Stevie say if he saw me now…

A knock on the door breaks me out of my thoughts and I crack the door open. Howard stands there with a wide smile on his face. 

“You look absolutely beautiful, doll. Here, put some makeup on. Maybe before we leave we can do what me and Peg always do when we’re out here,” he declares as he holds a small bag out to me. 

“Well, thank you. I’ve only ever been called beautiful by two other people,” I bite my lip as I explain and blush a little before walking back into the bathroom leaving the door open as I apply the makeup he gave me. 

“Never had a beau then, I take it?” he asks and I shake my head. 

“No. I have, just none of them were really anything real. It was more just because, ya know?” I try to explain but fail and he laughs. 

“Ahh, so you got boyfriends to get over another boy, am I correct?” he asks with a raised eyebrow at me as I finish up and zip up the bag before walking back out. 

“Yes, ok…” I reluctantly agree and he smiles. 

“Well, what’s his name?” he asks and I chuckle as he eggs me on. 

“His name is Steve. We grew up together. Me, Steve, and our friend Bucky, well actually his name is James Buchanan Barnes, but we’ve always called him Bucky,” I explain and he smiles wide. 

“Well doll, why haven’t you tried anything with him?” he asks and I shrug. 

“I don’t think he’d like me like that. Now, what’s the job?” I ask and he grins, standing up. 

“You're not getting out of this that easily. We’ll continue this conversation later. Anyway, my plan for us to do what me and Peggy do when we come out here works into the plan,” he tells me as he puts a hand on the small of my back and leads me out of the plane. 

“Ok. What are we doing?” I ask as we now start down the stairs of the plane. 

“We’ll be having fondue while gathering information! It’ll be perfect!” he excitedly explains and I raise an eyebrow at him. 

“One, what is fondue, and second, who are we getting information on?” I ask and he gasps like a school girl getting dirty information. 

“You’ve never had fondue?!” he asks and I giggle, shaking my head no. 

“Well, then let's go quickly! You must have some fondue!” he shouts as he holds the door to the awaiting car open for me. 

“Ok. I guess I’m having fondue,” I reply with a giggle before he’s closing the door and running around to get in himself. 

“Trust me. You’ll love it,” he promises before he leans forward to tell the driver to drive. 

The driver starts to drive and before I know it, he’s pulling up to a nice looking restaurant. I smile as Howard gets out and opens my door for me before holding an arm out to me. 

“Play along. We have to look like a couple out having fun,” he whispers into my ear as I grab onto his arm and walk with him. 

“Of course, dear,” I agree though a giggle and he smiles. 

“You're a natural at this. No wonder your aunt named you instead of your cousin. I’ve met her, she wouldn’t be able to just blend in the way you are, dear,” he beams with a bright smile. 

“She is a little bland sometimes…” I agree and he throws his head back laughing. 

“This friendship is starting out very well, my dear,” he states as he pulls my chair out for me. 

“Yes. I would say it most definitely is, Howard. Thank you,” I agree as I take a seat in the chair. 

I pull my chair in as he takes a seat across from me. A waitress comes up to the table and Howard speaks with her in French. When they're done talking, the waitress walks off and he turns to me with a grin. 

“So, where is this fondue you speak so highly of?” I ask as I look over the menu before realizing I can’t read it. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve already ordered it. She’ll be back with it and to take our drink order shortly,” Howard explains and I sigh. 

“Thank you. I wouldn’t have been able to even read the menu,” I respond and he smiles as he shrugs. 

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that. You’ll be learning French and so much more through this job,” he informs me and I nod. 

“Do you have any other languages under your belt?” he asks and I nod proudly. 

“One summer, my mamma thought it’d be good for me to learn something new, so she had me learn Italian,” I mention with a proud smile and he nods. 

“That probably was more your aunt than your mamma, dear,” he comments and my eyes widen in shock. 

“What do you mean more my auntie than my mamma?” I ask and he sighs as he takes a moment. 

“I mean your aunt most likely wanted you to know at least one other language before coming into the job. So she probably hinted at it to your mother,” he explains and I’m at a loss for words. 

“She… she…” I choke out and he places a hand on mine. 

“She really did love you, dear girl. She just couldn’t be there with you,” he spoke softly as he gave my hand a squeeze. 

“I just always thought she hated me. Learning she loved me from afar is just hard to believe, but you’ve truly made me believe it,” I explain as I wipe at a tear and he smiles softly at me. 

“Well my dear, you have me now and I’m sure you’ll have Peggy too after you meet her. She doesn’t exactly do what you and I do, but she helps out when she can,” he tells me and he smiles one last smile at me before the fondue comes to our table. 

“What would you like to drink?” he asks me as the waitress sets down the breadsticks along with sliced apples and a bowl. 

“Oh. Just water for me,” I affirm and he nods before talking to the waitress. 

“Well, are you going to try it?!” he asks with a raised eyebrow as the waitress walks away. 

“Of course I am. You didn’t even give me a chance to!” I joke and he chuckles, shaking his head before holding his hand out over the food. 

I grab a breadstick and tear it in two before dipping it into the bowl. After dipping it, I hold my hand under it as I move it up to my mouth and take a bite. The flavors mix together in my mouth amazingly and I let out a light moan at the taste. 

After I’m done chewing, I look up at Howard who’s smirking at me. I roll my eyes before dabbing my napkin around my mouth. 

“My, you weren’t kidding. That stuff is amazing,” I declare and Howard chuckles. 

“See, stick with me doll and you’ll try many new things,” he states with a wink and I giggle lightly. 

“Me and Pegs come almost weekly, just so we can get away from everything,” he explains and I nod in understanding. 

“Well I hope to join you in some of your getaways,” I note and he smiles as the waitress brings our drinks and sets them down. 

“Of course you can, my dear! It’ll be the three of us fonduing!” he proclaims and my face twists up in disdain. 

“Yeah, maybe we don’t call it that,” I inform and he chuckles. 

“Why ever not! It could be our code name for it,” he responds and I roll my eyes before giggling. 

“Ok, Howard, fonduing it is,” I reluctantly agree and he grins. 

“Perfect! It’s settled!” he beams and I nod as I pick up another breadstick to break in half. 

We continue to eat as Howard carefully watches a guy across the room. Soon all the fondue is gone and Howard is standing from his chair. 

“Come now, darling, our job here is done,” he tells me and I get up. 

“Really? But all we did was sit here and eat fondue,” I muse as he puts his hand on my back. 

“All you did was eat fondue. I, on the other hand, surveillanced who we needed to. Even got pictures of him,” Howard explains as he leads me to the car. 

“Wha- how…?” I ask in shock and Howard chuckles. 

“This is what you will get good at my dear, but in due time. For now I want your first real job to be a success,” he tells me as he opens the car door and lets me in first before getting in himself. 

“To the plane, Jarvis!” he declares and the driver turns around. 

“Of course, sir. Hello, Miss y/n, nice to see you again,” Jarvis responds with a smile before turning to me. 

“Good to see you too, Jarvis,” I reply and he smiles before starting up the car. 

He drives us back to the plane and we get into it. Howard hands me a new set of clothes, telling me it’s my uniform before sitting down. I walk into the bathroom and change before coming back out. 

“Sleep, my dear sister. We have a long journey back,” Howard tells me and I smile slightly at him as I put my new dress into my suitcase. 

“You too, Howard. Sleep well,” I tell my new friend and he smiles at me before closing his eyes and resting back in his seat. 

I sit in my seat and lean back with a light smile on my face. Before I know it, I’m being woken up by Howard again. 

“Wake up, dear. We’re here,” he announces softly as I blink my eyes open. 

“Hmm. Good morning, H,” I reply sleepily as I rub my eyes. 

We both pick up our stuff before heading out and when the door opens we see all the soldiers training. Howard leads me over to the ladies tent and helps me with my bag. 

“Welcome to camp, my dear,” Howard beams as he sets my bag down by one of the only two beds. 

“Thank you, H,” I reply and he smiles. 

“I like the new nickname, dear. And you're very welcome. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning in the head office to get you acquainted with everything. Peggy should be in for bed soon,” he explains and I nod as I roll out one of the mattresses. 

“Goodnight, doll!” Howard shouts as he leaves and I giggle. 

“Goodnight!” I shout back before plopping down on my bed. 

I let out a puff of breath before shaking my head in disbelief of how my day has gone. I smile lightly before standing up and getting ready for bed. Sleeping on an army cot doesn’t sound too appealing, but I am sure I’ll get used to it very soon. 

To Be Continued…

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[marthamaewhovier]

safe in your hands

buddie - rated e - 4733 words

In which Buck is surprised by what Eddie packed with him to quarantine

read on a03

It starts because Buck is just so fucking helpful.

Eddie’s been occupying the other half of Buck’s bed for two weeks now, his duffel left packed at the foot of the bed. It’s a tripping hazard, and a sad hope that any day now he’ll be able to pick it back up and take it home.

They both know it’s not going to be like that, but Eddie has ignored Buck’s comments about how he’d cleared out some drawer space and some room in the closet in favor of leaving everything folded in the bag.

But then, two weeks in, Hen and Chim are on shift while Buck and Eddie are not, and Buck trips over the bag for the upteenth time and it is very much the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Eddie is washing the breakfast dishes when he hears Buck exit the upstairs bathroom after his shower, and he also hears the telltale thump and muffled curse of Buck tripping over the bag.

“Eddie, unpack your fucking duffel!”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “We’ve gone over this! I don’t want to unpack it just to have to turn around and repack it,” he replies. Unpacking would feel like admitting this isn’t all going to blow over any day now, and Eddie is still staunchly refusing to do that.

More muttered cursing. “I’m unpacking the damn bag. I’ll repack it myself, but I’m tired of tripping over the fucking thing.”

Eddie scrubs at a plate, ignoring Buck’s theatrics. If he wants to unpack Eddie’s bag for him then let him. He can deal with the shirts, and socks, and underwear, and–

Oh shit.

The plate almost slips out of Eddie’s hand and he barely has the presence of mind to stick it in the rinse water before he’s sprinting up the stairs.

“Buck, wait–” he gets out, the words dying on his tongue as he reaches the top and has his worst fear realized.

Because Buck is standing there over the duffel open on the bed, fingers curled around the base of Eddie’s purple dildo.

To make matters worse, Buck hadn’t finished dressing after his shower, so he’s standing there in nothing but a pair of jeans slung low on his hips, his bare chest still slightly damp, his hair wet and curling, dildo held tight in his grip.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Eddie says.

Buck raises his eyebrows and looks back and forth between Eddie and the toy. “So this isn’t your dildo?”

“I– Well, yeah, it’s mine. But I didn’t bring it to use in your apartment.”

Buck furrows his brow. “I mean. Why else would you bring it?”

Eddie sighs. “Since Pepa’s staying at my place with Christopher, I didn’t want to risk either of them stumbling on it. But look, man, I know it’s weird, but seriously, I have no plans to use it.” And then, because he doesn’t know when to shut up when he’s talking to Buck, he adds, “I haven’t used it at all, actually.”

Now Buck’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “You haven’t? Why not?” He demands.

Eddie fumbles for an answer. “You aren’t weirded out that I have one,” he says, which is not, in fact, an answer, but does shift the focus.

“Why would I be weirded out? I have a few.”

Well, that backfired, because Eddie had barely been refraining from imagining some x rated scenarios just from Buck standing there holding his, but knowing he has some himself? That he, presumably, has used, unlike Eddie? Well that’s too much for Eddie’s brain, quite frankly, and the image of Buck spread out on his bed, fucking himself with a dildo flashes through Eddie’s brain. He prays his sweatpants are baggy enough to hide the way his cock swells a bit at the thought. He was safer talking about why he hasn’t used it.

“Listen, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. I only brought it to keep it hidden, and I’m not going to use it here.”

“I mean. You can though.”

Eddie blinks. “What?”

“I know masturbating in a four person loft is not exactly ideal, but it’s just us right now. I can go on a really long walk, you can text me when you’re uh. Done.”

“Buck. What? I don’t want you to leave.” His face burns red with the implication of what he just said. “Wait, not what I meant. I just mean, I haven’t used it, I have no plans to use it. You don’t need to leave.”

Buck’s brow furrows again. He’s still standing there holding the fucking dildo, but now it’s just hanging loose in his hand at his side, like he’s forgotten he’s holding it. “Why do you have it if you’re not going to use it? I– oh. Was this for– With Shannon?”

If Eddie had a brain in his head he would say yes. Eddie does not have a brain in his head. “No, I only got it a few months ago.”

“So… You got it for yourself. But you haven’t used it, and don’t plan on using it?” How, why, how are they still talking about Eddie’s fucking dildo. He kind of wants to die a little, actually.

“Yeah.”

Buck makes a face like he’s trying to do calculus in his head. “Why?” He finally asks.

Eddie sighs and rubs a hand down his face. “I don’t know, I just kind of realized I’m bisexual but I’ve never experienced… You know. And it’s not like I was going to go out and have something casual, or date so I thought buying that would be a good idea. But then every time I thought about using it I just… Froze up.”

“But that is something you want? To use it?”

“Yeah,” Eddie admits. He doesn’t know why he feels embarrassed talking about this with Buck. Maybe because Buck is able to speak so plainly about it himself, about past hookups with men and how much he enjoys it whether he’s on the top or bottom, so Eddie admitting he’s been too… nervous and god knows what else to use a simple toy on himself feels like a failing, even if he knows Buck would never judge him.

Buck looks thoughtful for a moment before saying, “I could do it for you.”

Eddie must have misheard. “What?” He asks faintly.

Buck shrugs. “Listen, if it’s weird just tell me to fuck off. But once upon a time I hadn’t done anything like this either, I know it can be kind of intimidating to think about, so maybe it would be helpful to you if you had someone you trust that’s done it before doing it for you. Kind of guiding you through figuring out how you like it.”

It’s… Logical. It’s a bad fucking idea, but it’s logical.

Also? They’re currently living through a global pandemic. Maybe it’s time to say fuck it and just do what he wants. And this? God does he ever want to do this.

“Ok.”

Buck looks like he was expecting a no. “Ok? Ok! Uh, ok.”

“Did I break your brain a little?”

“A little, yeah. I was formulating a whole seven point argument in my head.”

Eddie laughs, not doubting that for a second.

“So what do we do, do we just… dive right in?” Eddie asks.

Buck shrugs. “Yeah, I guess so. But, look, I’ll lead, but this is kind of all up to you. You need me to slow down, or stop, or I do something you don’t like, tell me. I want to give you a good experience.”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Ok, good. Now that’s settled, take your clothes off and lie on the bed on your stomach.”

Eddie can’t decide if the way his cock jumps in his sweatpants bodes well for this encounter or not. He does as he’s told, and he can’t help the way his face burns when he shucks off his underwear and his dick bobs free, already hard. It’s stupid to feel embarrassed about being aroused, they’ve literally been talking about Buck fucking Eddie with a sex toy for god’s sake, but he does, so he quickly settles facedown on the bed to hide it.

He crosses his arms under a pillow and lays his cheek on the cool fabric. Buck’s digging around in his bedside drawer, letting out a little victorious hum when he produces a bottle of lube. Eddie twists his head to watch as Buck drops the dildo next to Eddie, the dip of the mattress making it slide down the sheet to rest against his hip, something inexplicable about that sending a shiver up his spine. Buck climbs onto the bed behind him, using his knees to spread Eddie’s legs further. Eddie didn’t even notice that Buck’s still wearing his jeans until he registers the rough brush of the denim against his inner thighs. The knowledge that Buck is still partially dressed while he’s totally naked before him has Eddie shifting his hips, gasping softly at the friction of his cock trapped between his stomach and the bed.

He hears the particular pop of the lube cap being opened, and he automatically tenses. Buck notices, of course. “Hey, just relax, ok? I’m gonna go slow. Work you up to it.”

Eddie nods and forces himself to relax with a deep breath. There’s silence behind him for several moments, so he twists to see what Buck’s doing. He’s rolling the lube between his thumb and fingers, warming it up, eyes glued to Eddie’s ass like he wants to take a bite out of it. Buck must feel his eyes because he looks up, grinning sheepishly. “Anyone ever tell you that you have a really great ass?”

“Buck,” Eddie replies, laughing.

“I mean, just really top tier ass, man, like, I’ve fantasized about it, but my fantasies didn’t do it justice.”

“You’ve fantasized about my ass?” Eddie asks, absurdly pleased.

“Not just your ass.” At Eddie’s raised eyebrows, he rolls his eyes. “Eddie, have you seen you? You’re not a snack, you’re an entire meal.”

Eddie laughs again. “Well, since we’re admitting things, I haven’t not fantasized about your ass. And other things. Jury’s still out on the real thing though since you’re still wearing pants,” his heart races, his words touching closer to the truth hidden in his heart that he rarely allows himself to think about.

But Buck just grins devilishly. “Gotta leave something to the imagination.” And then, before Eddie can express any disappointment, Buck grips Eddie’s ass with one hand, spreading him, and then he dips his thumb between his cheeks to rub around his rim. It’s… Not what Eddie expects. Truthfully he hadn’t really known what to expect, his mind had kind of oscillated between extreme discomfort and pure pleasure and instead it’s somewhere in between. It’s strange, having someone touching him like that, but it feels… Nice? Nice, bordering on good. He’s just relaxing into it when Buck switches it up. He doesn’t thrust his finger inside him or anything dramatic like that, but he does slip his index finger just past the rim, testing, teasing. There’s a brief moment of discomfort but it passes quickly, and Eddie finds himself rocking back, eager for more.

“Oh you like that, huh?” Buck asks, twisting his finger, but not pressing it in any deeper, just to be an ass.

“C’mon, I can handle more,” Eddie groans, rocking back again. Buck complies, sliding his finger in deep. Eddie moans. It feels good in a way he just couldn’t expect before actually experiencing it.

Buck fucks him with just that one finger for a little while, loosening him up. “Think you’re ready for another?” He asks, his voice thick.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie answers breathlessly, his fingers digging into the sheet below his pillow.

Buck slowly pushes a second finger inside him. It’s a stretch, and it burns a little, but honestly Eddie kind of likes it. And then Buck rubs up against something that Eddie knows must be his prostate, and Eddie sees stars.

“Fuck,” he manages, and everything feels too good to be embarrassed when the word comes out more like a whimper.

Buck sets a torturous rhythm, using those two fingers to loosen him while also keeping him on edge with occasional strokes to his prostate.

By the time he pushes in a third Eddie’s getting restless, time has slipped away to the point where Eddie doesn’t know if it’s been minutes or hours of this. “Buck,” he whines, and he must make some sort of move to raise up because the next thing he knows, Buck’s hand is broad and warm between his shoulder blades, holding him down. It’s not something Eddie’s ever thought about before, Buck, or really anyone, holding him down, but now that it’s happened he is acutely aware of how much he loves it, and the loud moan that spills from his lips lets Buck know as well.

“It’s a big toy, Eddie, I just don’t want to hurt you.” And, well, yeah. It is big. It may or may not be of similar size to what Eddie has glimpsed in the showers, but wild horses couldn’t drag that confirmation out of him.

“Buck, I’m going to scream,” Eddie says through gritted teeth.

“Hm? Well, maybe I want you to scream,” Buck says, but before Eddie can retort he withdraws his fingers, and Eddie gasps, the sensation of emptiness new and not pleasant. He twists to watch over his shoulder as Buck coats the dildo in lube, the purple silicone shining wet in the light. Buck presses the head against Eddie’s hole, and they lock eyes for a moment. Eddie reads the question in Buck’s expression, so he nods, ready for it.

He thinks.

Buck presses, and Eddie tries to relax but Buck had been right, it is a big toy. It doesn’t hurt, exactly, but it doesn’t feel good either, and he knows tensing up doesn’t help. Buck grips Eddie’s hip, his thumb rubbing circles on his skin. “I’ve got you, Eddie, I know it’s a lot, but you can take it,” and, well, Eddie’s pretty sure he could take the toy and Buck at the same time if Buck just tells him he can in that tone of voice. “You’re doing so well,” he murmurs, moving the toy in the tiniest thrusts imaginable. Eddie takes a breath and relaxes under Buck’s ministrations, and he groans appreciatively as Buck pushes the dildo in a little deeper. He bends a knee, sliding his thigh perpendicular to his body, opening himself up a little more. He looks over his shoulder again and watches as Buck works the toy in and out, watches it disappearing inside of him. Buck is so focused on his task he doesn’t even notice Eddie watching.

Soon Eddie is rocking back towards Buck, both of their paces speeding up, lost in chasing more of the pleasure that’s trying to liquify his spine. It feels so good, so much better than he ever could’ve imagined, but also–

He hears a grunt that’s not his own. He glances backwards and sees Buck’s hand disappearing down the front of his pants, and he feels a hot shard of pleasure shoot through him at the realization that Buck is touching himself. That fucking Eddie with a dildo got him hot enough that he needs to get off.

“Hey,” he says softly, and both of Buck’s hands freeze like he got caught doing something he shouldn’t be. “How about you toss that thing aside and fuck me yourself?” He asks, aiming for a bravado he’s not sure he feels. But he wants it so bad, the toy feels incredible, but he wants it to be Buck inside him, he wants Buck all over him.

He wants Buck in every way Buck will let him have him.

Buck blinks at him, like he can’t believe he’s real. “Yeah?”

“Please,” Eddie responds.

Buck releases his hold on the dildo, not removing it, which Eddie finds so hot, somehow. He just about trips over himself yanking his pants and underwear off, and then Eddie finally gets to see Buck completely naked, and it takes his breath away.

“Are you ok with rolling over?” Buck asks, and Eddie knows it‘s probably a bad idea, and he should probably insist on Buck taking him from behind, where they can’t look each other in the eye, but he’s weak. So he rolls over, the feeling of doing so while he’s still so full with his toy drawing a loud moan from him.

Buck settles between his legs, and Eddie raises up on his elbows to watch with rapt attention as he lubes his dick up. To be honest, It’s a gorgeous cock. Admittedly, Eddie’s never been this up close and personal to one that isn’t his own, but, you know. He’s watched porn, and he’s never seen one that draws his gaze like this.

He watches hungrily as Buck gives himself a few lazy strokes, putting on a show for Eddie or just giving himself some relief he’s not sure, but watching the head appear and disappear in the circle of his hand is making Eddie’s mouth water, and he realizes with a start that he desperately wants to taste him, feel the weight of him on his tongue. He wants Buck to come in his mouth, his fingers knotted in Eddie’s hair.

“Hey, where’d you go?” Buck asks quietly, his hand cupping Eddie’s face.

“Thinking about blowing you,” Eddie answers, too drunk on all of this to say anything else. But Buck’s cock twitches at his words, and Buck groans.

“You’re killing me here, Eds.”

Eddie drops back down on his back and spreads his legs invitingly. “Then do something about it”.

Something wild burns in Buck’s eyes. His hand disappears between Eddie’s legs, and Eddie’s expecting him to take the dildo out, but instead he presses against the base, pushing it impossibly deeper, the angle sublime, and then Buck grasps it, sliding it out achingly slowly until it’s just the tip left, and Eddie only has a second to realize what Buck’s about to do before he slams it back in, drawing a sound from Eddie unlike any he’s ever heard himself make. He hasn’t even touched his dick, doesn’t know if he even can come untouched, but he thinks if Buck does that again they’ll find out.

Buck draws it out again, and Eddie sighs in relief when this time he pulls it all the way out, even though it leaves him aching for Buck to fill him.

He must make some kind of sound, a whine maybe, because Buck’s eyes flick to his face as he manhandles his legs into the position he wants them. “I’m gonna give you what you want, baby,” he says, and Eddie’s breath catches in his throat at the pet name that fell so easily from Buck’s lips that he doesn’t even seem to have noticed.

“I want you,” Eddie says, dumbly, because obviously. But he means it in every way, not just this. He just doesn’t know if Buck gets it, or wants that in return.

His fast approaching spiral is cut off with the first press of Buck’s cock against him. Buck is thicker than the toy was, and Eddie’s body is not yet accustomed to an intrusion like this. But he relaxes, much quicker this time, and Buck sheathes himself fully, holding himself up over Eddie as they both pant.

“You feel,” Buck gasps, “so fucking incredible, Eddie, you have no idea.”

“What about you,” Eddie manages. “You’re so– big? All-encompassing,” he’s not sure that even makes sense, but it’s what he feels.

Buck starts to lean in, and then stops himself, and Eddie realizes Buck had intended to kiss him.

“Please,” he rasps, and he’s barely finished the word before Buck’s mouth is on him. He feels - devoured feels cliched, but if there’s a more apt word he can’t think of it. Consumed, perhaps, no less cliched but also no less applicable.

Still kissing him, Buck starts rolling his hips, fucking him slowly, and, look. It feels incredible, pleasure immediately building hot and heavy in his gut, but it also feels like Buck is holding back, not going slow because it’s the pace he wants to set, but going slow because he thinks it’s what he needs to do. He’d been less tentative with the toy, and that just won’t do.

“Hey,” Eddie says quietly, breaking their kiss. “You’re not gonna break me.” Buck looks down at him, hesitation written all over his face. Eddie raises his hand and cups Buck’s cheek, thumb stroking over the bone. “You said I can take it, remember?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. So fuck me like you mean it.”

Buck grins, that wild look back in his eyes. He plants one more fast kiss on Eddie’s lips and then sits back on his knees, his grip tight on Eddie’s hips, hauling one of Eddie’s legs up onto his shoulder, keeping his lower half lifted and positioned for him.

And then he starts fucking Eddie in earnest.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but Eddie thinks he might be ascending to a higher plane. Buck fucking him with the dildo was good, sure, but Buck fucking him is a whole other thing. Eddie’s not even sure how to classify the noises he’s making, and he knows if he wasn’t so far gone with how good he feels he’d be embarrassed by them, but as it stands he doesn’t care, and it seems like his sounds just spur Buck on.

Buck’s grip on his hips tightens, and he’s all too aware that he’s going to have bruises later in the shape of fingers, and he can’t wait to press his own into them and feel that particular pain that’s more sweet than hurt.

Eddie moans when Buck shifts to hold Eddie up with one hand, the strength displayed shooting straight to his cock, hard and leaking where it’s lying against his stomach. Buck takes it in his hand, sweat, lube, and Eddie’s own precome slicking the way as Buck strokes him quickly, his hand timed perfectly with the snap of his hips.

“Buck,” Eddie moans when Buck digs his thumb into the slit, another pearl of precome dripping out.

“Let go, Eddie,” Buck breathes, and Eddie does, his back arching, chest heaving, hot come splattering across his abs as Buck works him through it, almost to the point of oversensitivity.

Eddie pants harshly, trying to catch his breath. He groans weakly as Buck pulls out of him, and he thinks for a second he was so lost in his own pleasure that he missed Buck coming, but no, Buck hasn’t come yet.

Buck grasps himself, angling himself towards Eddie’s already messy stomach. “Can I?” He asks breathlessly, and Eddie realizes what he’s asking.

He nods, almost frantically. “Please,” is his response, one of what feels like a dozen times he’s said that word today.

Buck jerks himself off quickly, so keyed up it only takes a moment before he’s coming, Eddie’s attention torn between watching his face and watching Buck’s come hit his stomach, mixing with his own.

Buck’s barely done before he’s ducking down and - Jesus Christ - licking Eddie’s stomach clean. Eddie’s cock twitches, attempting to defy the biological capabilities of a thirty year old man at the sight.

“Don’t swallow it,” he says as he watches Buck gather the last of it up on his tongue, and Buck obeys, closing his mouth but not swallowing, just waiting for Eddie’s next instruction, and Eddie feels another hot jolt at the realization that if he just wanted Buck to sit there holding their come in his mouth then Buck would.

But that’s not what he wants, and he pulls Buck down, thumb and forefinger guiding Buck’s chin up to his face. Their mouths meet, their lips parting, Buck already ready, pushing the come into Eddie’s mouth, Eddie eagerly licking it away. It’s obscene, and maybe one of the hottest things he’s ever done, the knowledge that he doesn’t know if he’s tasting Buck, or himself, or both of them together is almost too much to handle.

They keep kissing long after it’s gone, Buck slowly letting more of his weight rest on Eddie. It’s delicious, not far from the feeling of Buck’s hand between his shoulder blades, but more… settling. Eddie can feel Buck’s soft dick nestled up against his own, and there’s something more dangerous in that feeling than in anything they’ve done previously.

But, eventually, the kisses slow, becoming almost just lingering pecks, and then Buck sighs against his lips and rolls off him. They both lay side by side, backs of their hands brushing, and Eddie wants to take that hand so badly but he doesn’t know what this was for Buck. He hopes, oh he hopes, that it was everything for Buck, just like it was for him, but he doesn’t know.

They turn their heads towards each other in sync, both opening their mouths to speak, and both laugh when they catch on. Eddie inclines his head for Buck to go first, but Buck bites his lip, uncertain.

“What?” Eddie asks, his voice rough.

“I want to say something. But I’m scared it will ruin us.”

Eddie’s eyes soften. “Buck… I don’t think anything you could say right now could ruin us,” he says, and finds that it’s true. Because he loves Buck, and he’s in love with him, and he wants both of those things out in the open and reciprocated, but the first is true regardless of the second. If Buck’s about to say that this was a mistake, or just a little bit of fun, or anything else rejection shaped, well. It’s going to hurt like hell. But Eddie is good at nothing if not pushing through pain.

But – There’s still that shred of hope.

And that hope flares when Buck’s hand shifts against his, their fingers threading together with a feeling of finality.

“I’m kind of hopelessly in love with you,” Buck says, the words so quiet between them.

Eddie shakes his head, a smile spreading across his face. “Not hopeless at all.”

Buck’s eyes light up. “Yeah?” he exhales.

“Yeah. Because I’m in love with you too.”

Buck laughs, and looks like he’s going to cry at the same time. “Oh thank god, if I had to go back to pretending I wasn’t after this I think I would’ve just changed my name and moved back to Peru.”

Eddie laughs and rolls onto his side, wanting to be as close to Buck as he can. There’s a pleasant ache inside him that he knows later will probably not be able to be described as such, but for now he likes it. “I would just hire a PI and come find you.”

Buck lets go of his hand to wrap his arms around him and hold him close. “You would, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, Buckley, not sure you’ve considered what you’ve gotten yourself into here. Now that I’ve got you I’m not going to let you go.”

Buck ducks his head to kiss Eddie deeply. “Good,” he says when they part. “I want to be held onto.”

Eddie hums his agreement and noses into the crook of Buck’s neck. They need to get up soon, shower, finish unpacking Eddie’s duffel. But he can’t find the energy to move just now and Buck seems to agree.

Buck snorts.

“What?” Eddie asks suspiciously.

“Oh, we’re just going to have to completely make something up about how we got together. Can you imagine? Ah, well, see, Eddie wanted to hide his dildo from his aunt–”

Eddie laughs. “Oh god, you’re right. Ok, all other milestones must be made in completely dildo free situations.”

Buck’s quiet and Eddie looks at him, checking on him, and he finds him staring at him in awe. He presses a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I told you, I’m in it for the long haul.”

Buck smiles, a brilliant, beautiful smile. “Ok, well, don’t get too hasty assuming all milestones will be dildo free. You haven’t seen mine with all the ridges yet.”

Well, their showers can wait.

[sundaysundaes]

Whispers

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Smut, Fluff | 5k | Idol AU

Summary: Donghyuck has been busy promoting his new album and no matter how much he misses you, he can’t see you in person due to his schedules. Desperate for your touch, he begins to call you late at night.

Warnings: Phone sex, masturbation (male and female), dirty talk (but is it still called ‘dirty talk’ if Donghyuck is just being honest and saying whatever that comes to his mind?), no plot with a lot of dialogues

The vibration of your iPhone wakes you up from your dream. Being thrown back so suddenly to reality makes you feel slightly lightheaded but it’s all worth it the second you see his name written on your screen. Rubbing your eyes away from sleep, you answer his call, “Hyuck?”

“Hey, Noona.” The airiness of his honeyed voice sounds familiar and pleasant in your ears that it instantly paints a smile on your face. “Did I wake you?”

You refrain yourself from yawning. “Yeah, I fell asleep reading.” Narrowing your eyes irritatedly at the brightness of the fluorescent light hanging on your ceiling, you decide to switch it off and uses the dim glow of the bedside lamp instead.

“What time is it?” He gasps when he notices the time on his screen. “Three AM?! Shit, I didn’t realize it was this late. Sorry.” 

“It’s fine, I shouldn’t be sleeping anyway. I still have to work on my papers, so it’s actually good that you woke me up.” You nuzzle close to the pillow, holding your phone to your ear with one hand, blinking sleepily. “Did you just get back from schedule?”

“Yeah.” He sighs wearily. “I’m dead tired right now. I wish I could just take a day off, you know? I mean, performing is fun, but promoting a new album can be so hectic. I’ve only been sleeping for, like, two hours per day since last week.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” You bring the teddy bear he’d given you on your birthday close to your chest, pretending like you were embracing him. “I wish you could take some days off, too.”

“Yeah?” Somehow, he sounds like he’s smiling. “Then do what?”

“I don’t know, play games, I guess? Or just lie around in bed, doing nothing.”

“I’d rather be doing something, actually.” He chuckles softly, a hint of teasing in his voice. “Or someone.” 

“Gross,” you retort but you can feel your lips curving upwards. “It’s okay if you want to rest, Hyuck. You don’t have to force yourself to call me every day. Your health should be your number one priority.”

“What, you don’t want me to call you?”

You freeze. “Of course I want you to call me. I just—”

“I thought you’d be excited to hear my voice.”

The sudden bitterness in his tone makes you sit up from the bed, eyebrows adjoined in confusion. “What—Hyuck—”

“You know what?” He exhales loudly. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have called. It’s late anyway.“

“Can you please just listen—”

“I’m tired. Let’s just talk tomorrow.”

“But—”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Hyuck—” But you’re only answered by silence when the line gets disconnected. You stare at your phone, eyes wide in disbelief. 

What the hell just happened?

Upset and vexed, you dial his number. You wait with your jaw clenched until he picks up on the fourth ring. “Can’t you listen to me for one second?!” Not sure if it’s because of the drowsiness or exhaustion, but you find yourself shouting even before he says anything. “Of course, I want you to call me, you idiot! It’s the only thing I’ve been waiting all day. Every day, Hyuck, I wait for your call every day. I keep catching myself checking on my phone every ten minutes, waiting for your texts, wanting to call you. I miss you, of course, I miss you—you’re—” You turn stiff when you hear him cackling from the other side of the phone. “Are you laughing?”

“I’m sorry.” His laughter is contagious but you put up your best effort not to get infected. “You’re so cute when you get all riled up. Isn’t it obvious that I was just joking?”

“Right. I’m hanging up.” 

“Wait, Noona—” You listen to him with your eyes throwing ice daggers to the wall. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise.” There’s a small pause where you’re too irritated to talk and he’s too unsure to start but he tries. “So, like… you miss me?”

“Not right now.”

“Aaw, come on, I was just messing around.” You can imagine him puckering his lips, batting his eyelashes for forgiveness. “Please, tell me. Tell me how much you miss me.”

You throw yourself back to the bed, huffing. “I don’t think I want to.”

“You get cuter when you’re angry, you know that?” He sighs to the air. “Aaah… I miss you. I miss you so much, Noona, you don’t even know. Probably more than you miss me.”

I don’t think that’s possible. “Of course,” you reply, holding back a smile from breaking on your face. “Since I only miss you a little bit.”

“A little bit?”

“A tiny, tiny bit. On second thought, maybe I don’t miss you at all.”

“Is that so?” You can tell he’s exhausted by the way he lets out his chuckle, but it doesn’t mean it’s less sincere. “It really has been a while since we last saw each other, hasn’t it?”

You nod to yourself. “Four months.”

“You keep count, huh?” His teasing tone makes you flushed. “Love me that much, do you?”

“Around four months,” you correct him, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible when the truth is, you can practically hear your heart hammering against your ribcages. “Or maybe three? Five? I don’t know.”

“Why are you so cute? Seriously, how can you be this cute?” Donghyuck sits on the edge of his bed, lips forming so widely that it nearly splits his face in half. When his chuckles have receded, his eyes begin to soften. “I love you, Noona. You know that, right?”

People might be thinking about how lucky you are to have a member of one of the most prestigious boybands in the world confessing his love for you at 3 AM, but honestly? You’re just so grateful for the fact that Lee Donghyuck, a boy who stole your heart nearly a decade ago when you were too young to even understand the word love, finally realized that your entire relationship with him was deeper than a mere friendship. It took years for both of you to finally gain enough bravery to act out your feelings, especially when he managed to shine brighter than you could ever imagine being. You were afraid of it—afraid that you would be burnt by his fame, afraid that he would discard you for he had everything and you only had him. But Donghyuck didn’t want anything. He only wanted you.

You love him. You’ve been loving him for as long as you can remember so hearing him say the words, no matter how often he has mentioned it already, still sparks fire through your veins. You’ll never admit that out loud, though.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot these days,” he sheepishly adds. 

“More than you think about yourself?” You snort. “I’m shocked.”

“Eeyyy, I’m serious.” The sound of your giggle makes him sigh, longing to hear it in person. “I wish I could be with you right now. I thought about you a lot during today’s photoshoot too.” He lies down on the bed, running a hand through his hair. “I thought about our last date. About that red dress you wore. Man, you looked so cute in that dress.”

You half-buried your face in the pillow, heat blossoming on your cheeks. “Now this is the topic I like to talk about.”

Donghyuck scrunches up his nose. “Aren’t you gonna say I looked nice too that day?”

Even the slightest thought of him—any version of him, whether it was him dressing handsomely on a date or him waking up in the morning with a bird’s nest on his head—never fails to send butterflies swirling in your stomach, but again, you’ll never admit that out loud. “Meh,” you jeer, even adding a shrug when you know he won’t be able to see. “Could’ve dressed better. I mean, ripped jeans? Really?”

“Yah, yah, yah. You said I looked good wearing those jeans!”

“We were going to a fancy restaurant and I wore a semi-formal dress, Hyuck. They just didn’t match my outfit. They didn’t match anyone’s outfit there, really.”

“Really? You’re gonna say that? Even after you spent the whole night stealing glances at me with drool on your face?”

You wish you could say he was lying, but you indeed spent the entire night drooling at him over the sight of his black leather jacket and the way his jeans just wrapped his thighs so perfectly. “I have lost interest in this topic.” It’s for the best before you combust into flames. “Where are you right now?”

“Back at the dorm.” He softly yawns. “In my room.”

“Alone?”

“Yep, since Johnny-hyung is filming out of town.” When you stay quiet, unsure of what to say, Donghyuck grins mischievously. “Why, do you wanna sneak in? I think I can afford to lose some sleep tonight, if you know what I mean.”

Flustered, you retort, “After Johnny caught us cuddling last time? No way.”

“Yeah, about that,” Donghyuck says a little awkwardly, “After you went home he said to me that he heard the whole thing—”

“What do you mean the whole thing?” The horror in your face and your voice is clear.

“I meant, the whole thing. Us having sex and stuff.”

You could practically feel the exact moment when your soul is leaving your body, but Donghyuck continues as if he’s simply talking about getting caught cheating during a test. “But it’s okay, he’s cool. He’s got my back.”

“Oh my God.” You nearly faint. “I will never show my face in front of your roommate, ever again.”

“Yeah, about that—“

“Are you fucking kidding me, Hyuck—”

“Jaehyun-hyung heard us too.”

“What?!”

“And he told Mark-hyung about it later on, and that’s the reason why I had this bump on my head for three days.” Donghyuck pouts, rubbing the back of his head, lean fingers carding through soft brown locks. “He hit me with a book, lecturing me about bringing you to the dorm as if he never did that himself.”

Not trying to overreact about it, but you’re suffocating by this point. “Why are you so chill about this?!”

“They heard us having sex, not murdering the innocents.” He rolls his eyes but seems amused at your reaction. “To be honest, I hear a lot of stuff happening in our dorm that I’m sure you don’t wanna know. Like, a lot a lot. Way worse than what I did with you.”

“And does Taeyong know about this?”

“Taeyong-hyung needs his beauty sleep so we agreed not to tell him stuff.”

“I feel sorry for him.”

“I just feel sorry he’s not part of our antics.” Donghyuck shrugs, kicking off his shoes and socks before he leans against the headboard. “How about you? Are you alone?”

“Yeah.” You heavily sigh, still feeling quite dizzy after hearing the truth he just blurted out. “My roommate’s gone for the weekend.”

“Oh…” He taps his fingers against his stomach, a weird feeling swirling inside his chest as a thought begins to form. “That’s… great…”

Donghyuck’s tongue lays heavy in his mouth, suddenly loses the ability to form a simple conversation as his mind begins to focus entirely on something else. It all started that one night when he pretended to be asleep, when in fact, he was listening to his roommate, Johnny, speaking to his girlfriend in hushed whispers. The way the older man was chuckling to his phone was suspicious, and the more he tried to listen intently, the more he realized that Johnny wasn’t conversing. He was giving orders with a voice thick with seduction. The sensual words Johnny used made Donghyuck’s ears turn scarlet, and he buried his face deeper behind his blanket. Since then, the curiosity within him has been rising more and more, nearly suffocating him sometimes when he desperately yearned for your touch but his schedule never let him take a goddamn break.

Not knowing the dirty thoughts that flit across his mind, you carry on your conversation like usual. “I guess, but it does get lonely sometimes when she’s not around. I actually like having a roommate.” The sandalwood aroma from your diffuser, combined with his velvety voice, comforts you and you’re finally able to relax. “Have you been eating well? I’ve been craving for strawberry—” 

“What are you wearing?”

“—pancakes—what?”

“I…” Donghyuck heaves out a heavy breath, biting the corner of his lip, unsure yet not ready to give up on his desire. “I just… I was wondering—Are you wearing pajamas?”

“Umm…” The way he asks about it sends heat rising to your cheeks. He doesn’t sound as innocent as the words he uses. You look down, fingers curling at the hemline of your clothes. “I’m wearing one of your shirts, actually.”

Donghyuck throws his head back, eyes tightly shut as he curses silently into the air, his phone pressed against his chest. The sight of you wearing his oversized shirt has been one of his most recurring fantasies and not being able to see you, but knowing that you are wearing his shirt, kills him. 

“Hyuck?”

Donghyuck brings his phone back to his ear. “Sorry, there was a… Mark.” He mentally slaps himself on the head. 

“There was a Mark?”

“I mean, Mark-hyung was here—but he just left so—" 

“Are you drunk again?”

“No!” Donghyuck rubs his temple. This is not going well, he shouts in his mind. “Why—” He winces when he hears his voice crack. Clearing his throat, he tries again. “Why are you wearing my shirt?”

Because it smells like you and it helps me sleep better. “Just because,” you quietly mumble, eyes locked to the ceiling. “Why are you asking me this exactly?”

“Just because,” he mimics. His breathing sounds more prominent as if he’s in the same room, only a few inches away from your ear. It’s the reason why you enjoy talking to him this way instead of taking video calls. You can focus solely on his honeyed voice, almost like a lullaby to your ears. “Can you tell me…” he continues, laced with both hesitation and anticipation, “What else you're wearing?”

“Umm…” You take a deep breath, trying to keep yourself composed. “I don’t think I want to say.”

“Please, Noona.” The sudden desperation in his plead startles you as if he’s losing control of himself, little by little. He seems to notice that too because when he speaks again, it’s steadier, almost formal. “I just… I want to know. If that’s okay.”

“Well…” You curl your toes. “Aside from your shirt, I’m…” Just say it, for God’s sake. He’s your boyfriend. He’s seen you naked. “I’m only wearing my panties.”

There’s a pause that makes your heart thump. “Not, uhh…” Donghyuck wets his lip. “Not even a bra?”

You fiddle with your fingers. “N-no.”

“Fuck.”

You nearly drop your phone. The guttural groan he just emitted from the back of his throat catches you off guard. “Hyuck..?”

“Noona, there’s—” Donghyuck sits up straight, nails nearly sinking to his jean-clad thigh. “There’s something I want to try.” There’s a sense of urgency mixed with minimum self-control. “I-if you don’t mind…”

You know where this is going. “What is it?”

“Just—Just follow my lead, okay?”

You shakily nod your head. When he calls out your name again, you remember that you have to say it in words. “Okay.”

“Can you…” Donghyuck’s heart is beating out of control.  His mind desperately tries to answer how the fuck do I start this?! “Can you, umm, lie down on the bed for me?”

You can tell he’s nervous and it’s both reassuring and endearing to know that he’s never done this with anyone else before and probably not mentally ready to do it with you, but tries to go all the way because he knows both of you need to find a way to release all of these pent-up emotions. 

You follow his order. “I’m…” You take a deep breath so your voice won’t tremble too much. “I’m lying on my bed.”

Donghyuck always takes a few seconds before answering, as if he’s battling inside his head as he tries to sort out his thoughts. “Is your light turned on?”

“Yes.”

“Turn it off.”

You switch off the button on your bedside lamp. “Okay, it’s off.”

“Okay, mine too.” Then all you can hear is his slightly ragged breathing. “It’s… a bit awkward, isn’t it?” He chuckles nervously, followed by an inaudible, “Fuck, why am I so nervous,” as he’s straying away from the phone. 

A smile paints your lips. “You’re adorable.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” 

When silence strikes, Donghyuck scratches his cheek. “Do you… want to know what I’m wearing?”

You gulp. “S-sure.”

“Well…” Donghyuck takes a look at himself. “I’m wearing a denim jacket, a white shirt, a pair of jeans—I just got back from a photoshoot so—”

So he must look good. “Take them off.”

He’s probably as startled as you are when you hear the words tumbling down your mouth. But even if he is as embarrassed as you are, he doesn’t make it as obvious. “Sure.” A rustling sound can be heard, and you let your imagination wander. You can tell he’s taking off his jacket and soon, his shirt will follow. Donghyuck would always take his shirt off by grabbing the fabric from the back and yank it over his head, instead of crossing his arms at his waist. There’s something masculine about it, but you tend to get more distracted at the way his muscles would contract in his lean stomach. His silver necklace would dangle around his neck, and he’d smirk whenever he caught you staring at him for a second too long. 

“My shirt’s off,” he quietly states, snapping you out of your reverie. “Now take yours off—wait! Wait. Leave it on. I want to imagine you wearing my shirt. Just take off your panties.”

“I’m—” It’s so damn hard to focus when you feel so ashamed just by hearing his instructions. “Okay…” Your fingers are quivering when they slide down your stomach, thumb hooking around the hem before you pull your lingerie down to the middle of your thighs.

“Lie down,” he whispers, “Prop a pillow behind your back. Are you comfortable?”

“Y-yeah, just…” You sigh, head going dizzy. “Embarrassed.”

The airy laughter that flows from his mouth is too innocent to be heard in this kind of situation. “So cute. Me too, actually. I’ve never done this before.” When his chuckles have receded, the nervousness grows vivid in his voice once again. “Do you, umm... Do you want to stop?”

You’re supposed to say yes, or at least a bit conflicted about it, so it shocks you when you immediately answer, “No,” without hesitation.

“Thank God.” Donghyuck sighs, smiling softly against the phone. “‘Cause I wouldn’t know what to do if you said yes.” He unbuckles his belt with one hand, taking it off as his heartbeat soars through the roof. “Then, umm… can you spread your legs? As wide as you can.”

You feel so exposed even when no one is looking. Following his guidance, you question, “What about you? What are you doing?”

“I’m…” Donghyuck swallows hard, looking down at the way his hand is pressing against his semi-hardness. “I’m rubbing myself over my pants.”

Fuck, you mentally groan. “Why aren’t you touching yourself directly?”

“Cause I want to wait for you.” He has his eyes closed, hand slipping under the hemline of his jeans, stroking himself over his boxer. “I want to picture you rubbing your fingers on your clit. I want to hear you moan my name when you do.”

Oh my God. “Then guide me,” you plead. There’s something so irresistibly sexy about him touching himself while picturing you pleasuring yourself with your fingers. “Tell me what to do, Hyuck.”

He runs his tongue over his lower lip. The excitement of being able to act as a puppeteer, tugging on your strings, sends all blood rushing south. “Can you push your shirt up? Don’t take it off, just—” He exhales, taking a moment to collect himself after a certain obscene thought of you touching yourself entered his mind. “Just make sure it’s not in the way.”

“Okay.” You grip the hemline of your shirt, pulling it up until it pools above your chest. “Now, what?” 

“I want you to touch your breasts.” You’re more aroused by his breathy voice and lustful tone than embarrassed at this point. “Imagine me, Noona,” Donghyuck whispers, and he sounds so close, as if he’s lying down next to you. “Imagine me with my hands on you, caressing your breasts. Can you do that?”

You squeeze your breast, mumbling out a weak, “Yes…” The memory of Donghyuck, embracing you from behind, his naked chest pressed against your spine, hot mouth lazily pressing wet kisses against your nape suddenly comes alive in your mind. You still remember how sexy he sounded moaning out your name as he rocked his hips forward, his fingers exploring around your chest, rubbing and pinching at a certain spot to make you press closer to him in desperation for more of his touch. 

“Suck on your fingers, make them wet, then bring them back down.” Donghyuck’s hips are bucking against his hand, his fingers tugging his zipper down. “Imagine my mouth latching on your nipple, sucking it the way I always do. The way you like me to do.” 

You bring your fingers to your mouth, coating two of them with saliva before you bring them back down to pinch your sensitive bud. With your eyes closed and his heavy breathing in your ear, the wet sensation of your fingers gives you a clear image of his tongue flicking against your nub. 

“Tell me how you feel.”

“It’s not enough,” you croak out, “I want to feel you directly on my skin.”

Donghyuck takes a sharp breath. “You don’t even know how much I want to be there and touch you.” The way his voice suddenly becomes deep sends shivers down your spine. “I want to suck bruises on your skin. I want to mark you everywhere, again and again, so the bruises will last for days. I want you to remember me every time you see yourself in the mirror.”

You sheepishly smile, though your heart is still racing. “I always remember you even without that, Haechannie.”

The sudden change of his name warms his heart. “I wish you’re the only one who calls me that. You make my stage name sounds better, special. I could have thousands of people screaming my name but none of them makes me feel the way you do.” As he slides his hand under his boxer, finally making direct contact with his skin, Donghyuck becomes desperate once again. “Bring your other hand down. I want you to touch yourself, Noona, please.”

You slide your hand between your legs, tentatively rubbing yourself between your folds. “Hyuck…”

“Does it feel good?”

You nod, eyes shut, and your mind wanders. “Yes…”

“Rub your clit for me. And imagine I’m doing that with my tongue.”

You can picture him with his head between your legs so perfectly behind your closed eyelids. He has done it several times and you remember how he would always start slow, placing open-mouthed kisses on the inner part of your thigh before dipping his head down and swipe his tongue along your folds—all the while never breaking eye-contact. He would press a kiss against your clit, and lick you slowly because he’d want you to beg for it. He never directly told you but you could tell he liked being in control because the second you whispered “Please, Hyuck,” he would immediately indulge you with everything you wanted and more. 

Donghyuck would suck hard on your clit, doing it so suddenly that you’d nearly crush him by wrapping your legs too tightly around his head. Amazed and delighted by your reaction, he would break into a smile with his tongue still darting out to taste you, mouth pressing harder against your skin until he plunged his tongue inside your heat.

You moan out his name at the memory, directly to the phone.

“Fuck, baby, you sound so perfect…” Donghyuck nearly whimpers and the word baby stirs something within you as he never called you that before.

“Call me like that again…” You rub yourself harder on the spot you like the most. “Please, Hyuck…”

“Baby…” Donghyuck’s fingers are curling harder around his length, pumping himself in accordance to every gasp and moan you’re emitting. “I wish I could see you—I wish I could lock my eyes with yours as I eat you up. I want to see your face, every single expression you make—I bet you look so cute, so goddamn... erotic.”

Your hold around your phone loosens but fortunately for you, the pillow pressing against it keeps it close to your ear. “Touch yourself,” you breathily murmurs, “I want you to touch yourself too.”

“I am, baby,” Donghyuck softly moans, his fingers tightening around his length. “What else do you want me to do?”

“I want you to stroke yourself harder and run your thumb over your slit.” Donghyuck zealously follows, cursing under his breath at the pleasure. “And I want you to keep doing it until my name escapes your lips.”

“God, I want you.” He repeats your name over and over again, as ordered, with him stroking himself faster each time. “Noona, I want your mouth on me. I want to see you hollow your cheeks around me—like how you did to me when we were backstage, that time after the concert. You looked so pretty that night, so eager—so desperate for me—”

“Me too. I want to make you feel good too. I—” You nip at your bottom lip, feeling goosebumps creeping up your skin when he moans out your name. You’ve always loved his voice, loved it more than anything else in the world, and the sounds he makes when he’s in bed with you is the sexiest thing that even your poor mind can’t even begin to imagine. And now, focusing solely on his voice, listening to his filthy, sinful words, he’s driving you to the edge of your sanity.

“I’ve touched myself before at the thought of you,” he confesses breathlessly, “Several times, even way before we started dating.”

You’re trembling at the thought. ���Haechannie—”

“You don’t know just how much—” The sound of him trying to stifle down a moan only makes you crave for him more. “—how much I wanted you back then. How much I want you now. Even during high school, I just—I wanted you—wanted to touch you—wanted—ah fuck,” a whine slipped out his lips, “Wanted to hold you so bad, to make love to you until—”

At the rustling sounds, him whimpering at his touches, and you rubbing yourself on the perfect spot, you know you won’t last long. “H-Hyuck, are you close?”

“Just a little bit more, Noona, ah—” He thrashes his head against the pillow, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows hard. “Fuck, I need to be inside you. I need to feel you clenching your walls around me.” At the memory of you gazing at him with anticipation building inside your seductive, half-lidded eyes, as you parted your legs to give him permission to ravish you the way he wanted, Donghyuck quickens the pace, thrusting vigorously into his hand. “Fuck yourself with your fingers, baby, please.”

You’re more than keen to follow, inserting one digit inside your heat with another one following soon after. You can visualize him bringing your legs in the air until they dangle over his shoulders, his hips slamming hard against yours with each thrust. “Hyuck—”

“If you were here right now,” he nearly growls, “I would fuck you so hard until you’re mewling my name against the sheets. And I won’t stop, I won’t stop even if you beg me to. I won’t stop until I’m done with you.”

Donghyuck doesn’t sound like he’s trying to dirty talk which only makes it even more arousing to your ear. It’s as if he’s losing control of his mouth, just saying anything that comes to mind. The honesty, the urgency, his breathy, desperate calls of your name between lewd words—

You choke out a sob. “Hyuck—I’m close—”

“Me too—N-noona—Kiss me—”

It’s one of the most intense orgasms you’ve ever felt and it’s funny because you never really enjoyed touching yourself before. Donghyuck follows a few seconds after, moaning your name so erotically that will probably give you a hard time falling asleep for days at the thought of it. You’re left dazed, staring at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. Your phone lays forgotten on the pillow next to you. Mustering all the strength you have left, you reach out for it. “Hyuck…?”

You can hear him breathing heavily. “I’m here,” he says. “Are you okay? Did you get to come?”

“Y-yes.” Now that it’s over, you begin to feel self-conscious again and the heat that blooms on your cheeks nearly wash every bit of your orgasm away in an instant. “Did you?”

“I made a huge mess.” He chuckles, sounding just as embarrassed as you are. “Fuck, didn’t realize it was going to be this good when we started. What would’ve happened if we had Face-Timed each other instead?”

Your head nearly explodes at the thought. “One step at a time, Hyuck. I’m practically dying from shame right now.”

He laughs a little at that. “So, you don’t really oppose the idea? Man, I have something to look forward to then.”

“Shut up, you’re gross. Is this the reason you called me?”

“No,” he hastily says, “I swear, I called because I missed hearing your voice.” Then he thinks about it again. “Well, I mean, I have been thinking about doing, uhh, these kinds of things with you but trust me, it wasn’t the reason why I called.”

“Sure,” you flatly reply, teasing him.

“Yah, yah, yah, it’s your fault for saying that you were wearing nothing but my shirt!”

“It’s your fault for asking me what I was wearing!”

It’s always like this with him. You’re bickering at one point, having sex at another time, then goes back to bickering once again. But it’s endearing, you suppose, because after this, you’ll be murmuring loving words, and just when you begin to think about it, Donghyuck whispers into the phone.

“I love you, Noona. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

And you smile. “I love you too, Haechannie. You’re the second best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“What the hell is the first one?”

“Chicken nuggets.”

“You’re so dead.”

***

[wolf-and-bard]

Knowing Where My Glasses Went

-geraskier, ~950 words, rated T

Thank you @jaskierswolf for the idea for this!✨

---

When the door slams shut hard, Geralt looks up from his tablet. He is currently a hundred pages into proof-reading Jaskier’s newest manuscript, a romance novel his husband wants to publish under his penname Dandelion, and Roach is a golden pile of fur on his lap. A glance at the clock tells him it’s past three, not an irregular occurrence in Jaskier’s line of work, but Geralt worries nonetheless. And he always stays up, waiting for him to get home from whatever gig he’s been playing, no matter the time.

Jaskier stumbles down the hallway, past their living room without so much as a glance at Geralt.

“Jaskier?” Geralt calls out, turning off the tablet and putting aside the pen he’s been marking the novel up with – a thirst-fest of hard-packed muscle and glistening skin, tailored to the tastes of Dandelion’s masses of fans. Geralt tries to be constructive, but he gets distracted so easily. “Come now, girl, get down.” He gently nudges Roach and she glares at him, jumps down when he adds ‘pretty please’.

Geralt crosses the length of their living room, bare-footed and in nothing but sweatpants, the way he is most comfortable and Jaskier likes to be greeted. Usually that is. He pops his head through the door frame, just about seeing as Jaskier emerges from their bedroom with a fresh towel and one of Geralt’s shirts. A worn one. Geralt smiles, heart warming at the sight.

“How’d your show go, love?” he asks and Jaskier glances up at him, one hand on the bathroom door handle. His hair is mussed and his glasses hang askew on his nose which is reddened and runny.

“Shower first,” he mutters. “Talk later.” And disappears into the bathroom.

Which is worrying. Usually, Jaskier likes to hop onto Geralt’s lap when he comes home, likes to snuggle up to Geralt and tell him all about his gig. Then he has a shower while Geralt makes him a hot chocolate and they go to bed, Roach already sleep-drooling onto their comforter.

“Fuck,” Geralt says and debates whether to go after his husband. He glances back into the living room at Roach who glares reproachfully at him. “You’re right, you’re right.”

Geralt approaches the bathroom door and gives a slight knock. From inside, he can hear the shower going and steam’s already curling underneath the door. He can also hear Jaskier making some stifled noises. He doesn’t reply to Geralt’s knock though and Geralt sighs.

His shoulders sag as another sob sounds over the hiss of the water, and he slips out of his sweatpants and through the bathroom door, drawing it shut behind himself.

“Jask?”

“Go away.”

Which is how Geralt knows he shouldn’t leave Jaskier alone at all. He pulls back their daisy-patterned shower curtain and steps into the tub where Jaskier’s standing in the spray, motionless. His arms hang limply at his sides and his glasses are still crooked on his nose, fogged up and speckled with water. Underneath, his tears are made invisible.

“Jask,” Geralt says, biting down on his smile. He draws the curtain shut again and reaches out to tug at Jaskier’s glasses, then deposits them with their shampoo bottles. Jaskier’s eyes widen and Geralt melts inside. The poor thing didn’t even realize.  “C’mere,” Geralt opens his arms wide for Jaskier to fall into.

“I’m such a mess,” Jaskier wails, hiccupping because he has to laugh and cry at the same time and he buries his face against Geralt’s neck, clawing at Geralt’s biceps.

“You’re my mess.” Geralt buries his nose in Jaskier’s sodden hair. It smells of smoke and sweat. “Bad crowd?”

“No, they were fine,” Jaskier says, kissing Geralt’s collarbone. It’s something he does to ground himself and to help with that, Geralt starts rubbing slow circles over Jaskier’s shoulder blades.

“Hmmm.” It’s an open-ended hum. Either Jaskier wants to talk about it or he doesn’t, Geralt knows to respect that. He kisses the top of Jaskier’s head and draws him even tighter and hopes to be the steady anchor Jaskier needs right now. Gradually, Jaskier’s mangled hiccups subside and he sighs softly.

“I wanted to play a new song,” Jaskier whispers. His grip on Geralt’s arms has loosened and he wraps his own around Geralt’s neck, drawing himself up.

That’s right, Geralt thinks, filled to the brim with pride and love and adoration for his husband. Use me for purchase, stand tall again.

“But I bailed. I wasn’t sure how it had come out and I fucking bailed. I’m so disappointed in myself.”

“You wanna sing it now?” Geralt asks, grinning as Jaskier pulls back a little to bump their noses together. His azure eyes are shot through with red, but a spot of sunshine has returned to them. He’s beautiful and messy and he’s Geralt’s. Geralt still can’t believe that on some days. “Sing it just for me?”

“My favourite audience,” Jaskier laughs. He looks at Geralt, nuzzles his cheek as he starts to hum softly under his breath, then gains confidence. The first verse is a little shaky as a few leftover sobs loosen in his chest. The second one comes out a little flat, the third is all Jaskier. Bursting with emotion and confidence and wit. He’s so witty, his husband, in a way Geralt could never be. By the time the refrain starts, Geralt’s kissing the words off Jaskier’s lips and he has to revert to humming once more. Geralt will listen to the rest of the lyrics later, right now he needs to show Jaskier how fucking much he loves him.

“Thank you,” Jaskier breathes when they part. “I needed this.”

---

not a tag list:

@littoraly-art

[alexaplaysgames]

Can you do Felix and Mc getting into a fight

My angst brain need some

You got it bb <3 Idk if this is really that much of a fight, but I couldn't make the MC too mean to Felix. Also, I’m aware this paints baby in a bad light. I had to make them fight about something okay :’( I don’t think he’d do this in canon.

Title: A bit Bitter

Pairing: Felix Escellun x GN!MC (Last Legacy)

Words: 2564

Tags: @demon-paradise @themohawkhelmet @cactus-hoodie @aomiyeon @piningmaybeanartist @another-confused-gay @uselessbeanies @nomnomcupcakesworld @druwuuwu @frozen-daydream @kirakiratears @margitartist @crowtrinkets @fanfic-about-fictif Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed.

“Tell me the truth, Felix.”

His gray eyes dart upwards from his textbooks as I storm into the room. When he sees what I hold clutched in my hands, he swallows, the bob of his throat visible even from the doorway.

I continue in a voice that is simultaneously weak and as strong as I can manage. “Is this really how you feel?”

“W-why do you have that, love?”

I frown. His nervousness sends guilt shooting through me, but I stamp it out. I’ve bent over backwards for months in an attempt to make him comfortable, and did so gladly. But this? I can only withstand so much.

I set the notebook down on the edge of his desk with a heavy thud. Felix winces.

“The things you wrote in here, about me…” I shake my head, then look away. I can feel my eyes sting, and I bite my tongue to hold back from crying. “Felix-“

“That’s private! You don’t have the right to go snooping through my possessions.”

I sigh. Yeah, I’m nosy and read his journal, and normally I would be ashamed. I shouldn’t have done it, but… “I don’t think that’s important right now.”

“Of course it’s important!” Felix gasps, standing out of his desk chair to snatch up the journal. He meets my eyes with a fragile sort of vulnerability, then pulls the journal defensively to his chest. “I’m not privy to every thought you have. You can’t judge me for mine.”

“I would never think these things of you!” My voice raises until it edges on a shout, and I frantically rush to reign it in. “I would never.”

“That’s not-“ Felix whispers with a shake of his head. “That’s not fair.”

“No. What’s not fair is this.” I reach forward and pull the leather journal from his hands, flipping forward a few weathered pages until I find what I’m looking for.

“‘Not nearly comparable to Rime’s beauty, nor do they possess his talent with magic. They’re candlelight to his radiant sun. I’ve quelled whatever feeling has stirred in my chest and decided that I won’t settle for them. Not while my love is still hurting. And I do miss him so.”

Felix is biting at his lip as I lower the book once more, his eyes watery, wide circles. “That’s old,” he chokes out. “I swear. I don’t feel that way. I love you.”

He looks like he wants to touch me, so I step away. I shake my head. “But you did feel that way.”

“I- why does it matter? That’s private. How- how much else have you read to convince yourself my feelings for you are disingenuous? You were never meant to see any of it.” He’s wrapped arms around his thin frame, now, squeezing his eyes shut as if he wishes this all would simply go away.

“I’ve read enough.”

Felix’s eyes go wide, then dart to the journal in my hand. “Why?” I ask. “Worried there’s something worse left for me to uncover?”

“N-no.” He runs his hand over his face. “Why couldn’t you stay out of my things? That was personal! It was none of your business!” Felix hisses the last words, as close to angry as I’ve ever seen him with me. His eyes are filled with tears, but his expression if one of a rage I’ve never been in the receiving end of.

“Fuck you,” I spit out, watching him hiccup as if the words were a physical blow. “You’re a liar, Felix.” Then I simply can’t help myself but to add, “Maybe you do deserve to be alone.”

I know as soon as I say it that I’ve gone too far, and the look on his face- fuck. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the broken, hurt expression that flashes across his features out of my head. Yes, the words he’d written in that journal had stung, but I don’t feel any satisfaction from hurting him just as badly. If anything, it makes me feel worse.

All I feel is lost. My psyche weighs heavy with guilt, as well as hatred for myself for letting my patience slip. Before it can all come crumbling down on me, I turn on my heel and rush out the door, slamming it behind me with an echo that rings much to hollow to make me feel any better.

✦✧✦✧

I had frantically stuffed my few belongings into a bag and rushed to the nearest inn, flopping onto a rickety bed and crying myself to exhaustion. That had been two days ago, now, and I haven’t spoken to Felix since.

On the bright side, sending drunk texts is much more difficult to do when one doesn’t possess a cellphone.

Each night my dreams are filled with memories of his face, his smile. I can feel him in my arms, see the distinct colour of his blush each time I call him “baby” or “my sweet”. I wonder if I was over-dramatic in my reaction, but then remember the words in that journal. To think, the passage I had read aloud had only been one of many.

No. I was right to be upset.

I keep wondering if maybe the things he wrote in there were true. Yet, it’s so confusing- Felix has always had the upmost respect for me. And he’s not exactly great at hiding his emotions.

I’ve met with Anisa and Sage, both of whom seemed relatively stunned at the news. Anisa had offered exercise as a way to take my mind off it, and Sage had offered… another form of physical activity altogether, which didn’t really surprise me.

“A fight? Really? You two have always seemed like such a sappy married couple…”

I sigh. “Thanks, Sage. Really. It wasn’t even a fight, to be honest.”

“Married couples do fight, Sage.” Anisa pats my hand. “Felix is just dramatic. It will be fine! Whatever he did, I’m sure he didn’t mean it. He just gets a little… jumbled up sometimes. But his intentions are pure. At least, I believe so. You can never tell with Felix.” She smiles. “Give him some time to mope and he’ll apologize.”

“If it helps,” Sage interjects, “he fought all the time with deer boy, and they were apparently a thing. I’m sure he’s used to it.”

I refrain from telling Sage that his oh-so-helpful comment is far from helpful; in fact, it highlights exactly what I’m worried about.

Tonight, thunder strikes outside in heavy, booming claps. The room I’ve rented is lowly lit by a single candle, but the flashes of lightning outside the window often light up the entire space. Rain pelts the roof and the wind howls mournfully, as if in empathy of my crushed spirit.

I’m just in the middle of pretending I’m in a sad music video when I hear an unsteady knock at the door. At first, I think it might be a tree branch outside, being as it’s so soft, but then I hear the sound again.

I fling the wool blankets over my head with a huff and shuffle towards the door, then unceremoniously fling it open.

I should have expected it would be my necromancer boyfriend looking like a drenched cat.

Felix is sopping wet, his hair plastered to his forehead and clothes so soaked I can see his tanned skin underneath. As soon as the door opens, his eyes go wide, and he immediately looks as if he’s attempting to say something, but he can’t seem to spit it out. His teeth are chattering so forcefully he can’t speak, and the wind has whipped the wet strands of hair into his mouth.

He is so stupid. I immediately can’t help but think that I love him. I am definitely morosexual.

I blink dazedly at him for a moment, before grabbing his elbows and hastily pulling him inside.

“I’m s-sorry,” he sobs as I grab a blanket off the bed and hastily wrap it around his shoulders. I can’t tell if he’s shaking from crying or the cold, can’t tell if the wetness on his face is from his tears or the rain. “I’m so sorry.”

“Felix, it’s fine. Come here, you’re going to get hypothermia.”

I grab a towel from the bathroom and begin using it to dry his hair. He shakes his head as he pushes it away, sending droplets of water flying. “No! Listen, please, I am sorry, I am. I wish to explain myself. You deserve that much, at least.”

I sigh, then stand back and nod. I sit down on the edge of the bed. The mattress groans, as do I. “Fine.”

Felix pauses as if he didn’t expect that answer.

Then he picks at the frayed strings of the blanket around him. He shivers as he tugs it tighter around his shoulders. He licks his lips. “I wasn’t in a good place when we met.”

I nod. It was obvious then, and it’s even more so now. “I know.”

“It wasn’t healthy. I know that it wasn’t, but-” he cuts off as the thunder outside rumbles, lightning illuminating the haunted look in his eyes. “I loved Rime. More than that, I obsessed over him.”

That much I had guessed, but the confirmation does still twist my stomach.

“I was still in love with him when we met. Desperately so. I clung to the very idea of him for years. Rime adored how I idolized him, he encouraged it-“ he looks out the window as if lost in thought, then sighs. “It wasn’t you. I would’ve compared anyone to him. I did.”

Felix sniffs, then delicately kneels at my feet. “I am so sorry. I promise I didn’t truly think those things, my dear. I just felt so guilty, every time I felt anything for you. I had made myself think that he was perfect, that I could enforce my love for him through some strange sort of self-discipline.” He cringes, as if he knows how awful that sounds. “It seemed reasonable. I owed him my life.”

Apparently having said what he needed, Felix goes quiet. His eyes are red-rimmed, dark circles underneath, as if he’s been crying instead of sleeping ever since I left him.

“You are so incredibly lovely,” he whispers, choking. “I could see it even then. I was scared of what it would do to me to admit it.”

I swallow. I’m honestly not sure whether to believe him, but the look in his eyes is so earnest. Felix is many things, but he’s not one to hide his feelings, nor is he a good actor. I know deep down that he’s not faking his love for me, despite how my heart convinced me otherwise.

“If- If you’re still angry with me, I understand,” Felix stammers, though the tears in his eyes make it seem like that isn’t true. “M-maybe I should leave-“

The rain pounds harder against the windows. The wind whistles through the surrounding cracks. I grab his wrist.

“Come here, my sweet.”

Felix’s eyes widen at my use of my pet name for him, a timid look of disbelief in his eyes as he takes my hand and allows me to pull him onto the bed. I lie down on my back and guide to lay against my chest.

“I forgive you.” I almost can’t believe the words myself, but I know that it’s the only option I could ever consider. I love him. It’s a simple as it is complex.

“You needn’t-“

“I do. It wasn’t right of you to say those things, but it was also unfair of me to get so angry with you over something you wrote a long time ago. I know your old relationship really took a toll on you. Besides, I said some awful things to you too, Felix,” I continue, reaching up to brush his bangs back from his forehead. He trembles, leaning slightly into my touch. “You don’t deserve to be alone. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me, and I shouldn’t have. Okay?” I wait until he finally nods to continue. “And I’m sorry for going through your things. I betrayed your trust, and you were right to be upset.”

Felix goes a little slack-jawed before he finally breathes out, “O-of course I forgive you.”

“I’m glad, because I don’t think I could live without you.”

He stares at me for a moment longer before he lurches forward and kisses me, desperate and wanting, full to the brim with both apology and forgiveness. It tastes if the salt of his tears and the cold rainwater that runs over his cheeks. He’s shaking the whole time, and I tug him tighter to my chest. I can feel his heart racing through the fabric of our clothes.

“I love you, sweet.”

“I love you too,” Felix hiccups, “so much.”

We spend a bit longer like that, tangled up in the bedsheets with Felix soaking through both our clothes. Eventually, I pull back.

“Did you really wait until it was storming to show up and apologize?”

A sheepish laugh as he flushes. “I had t-thought it would be romantic. Like in my novels. I didn’t realize it was pouring quite so hard.”

His cheeks are a flaming red and he looks away like he expects me to be upset. I sigh to hide my fond smile. All I can do is kiss him again.

“I’ve brought you something,” Felix murmurs, his lips so close to mine that they brush, his eyelashes wet against my cheeks. He reaches back and takes the leather notebook, the stupid source of all our fighting, out of his coat pocket. It’s surprisingly dry.

I can’t help but want to smack that stupid book out of his hand. “Felix, why would you do that?”

He rolls his eyes, then gets up and stands off to the side of the bed. The room lights up green as his entire hand, the journal with it, are suddenly engulfed in flames, until nothing but ashes sift through his fingertips, drifting down to settle against the wooden floor.

“You’re my future.”

He’s so dramatic. I love him to pieces.

I grab his waist and all but tackle him back onto the bed, delighting in his surprised squeak.

“Stop!” Felix yelps as he falls back against the mattress, only to be assaulted by my cuddles, “I’m positively soaked; I’ll drench the sheets.”

I can’t really say that I care. We have a lot of making up to do; I’m not spending a second without him by my side for the rest of the night. Felix grumbles a final complaint and then sighs. He wraps his arms around me and presses his cheek into my chest, and I can’t help but think he feels the same.

“I didn’t enjoy that,” he mumbles, turning his face into me to hide his expression. “Being apart from you, it- hurt. I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby.” I’m just realizing how much. His scent and the feel of his hair against my skin, his voice. He’s invaded my senses once more, and it feels like coming back to life.

He turns to look up at me. His cheeks are rosy and his hair mussed, droplets of water clinging to his eyelashes and temples. God, he’s so adorable- I don’t know how I could ever stand to be angry with him. “I don’t want to be at odds with you anymore. I love you too much.”

I boop his perfect nose. “Deal.”

[forthechubbies]

What's Wrong With Secretary Park?!

Synopsis• If balancing work and a stubborn ex-husband isn't hard enough, Let's add the boss’s seven sons falling head over heels for her to mix.

Category's• Romcon, Comedy, Office Au.

Duos• BTS X Reader

A spin-off of the original series ‘ What's Wrong With Secretary Kim’ Bangtan Edition! Starring the Handsome, Seo-Joon Park as the Ex husband.

There will be more parts but I didn’t want the title to be to long.

EP. One Two

“ Mrs. Park, Good Morning!”

“Mrs. Park, What does my schedule look like today?”

“Mrs. Park, Your coffee keeps me alive.”

In case you haven’t noticed, Park Yn, I’m the secretary to Jeon Sung-ho, the CEO of Dnd Parmatech, 85 percent of the time, newly build hospitals or centers use our funds as kickstarts. Daily I make schedules, appointments, filing documents, answering calls, and blah blah blah.

Is it boring? Yes, I know. However, quite refreshing coming from my hectic marriage. Once upon a time, I was wedded to the marvelous actor Park Seo-Joon for three years. I sat in the limelight and even had the privilege to play the part of his wife in movies. Sigh. Although the attention and riches were grand, no amount of expensive counseling could save our marriage. We never saw eye to eye on anything, and his short temper wasn’t helping.

Knowing my worth, I packed up and left without a doubt in my head. However, The documentation of our separation wasn’t finalized due to a certain one refusing to sign off on the divorce agreement. So physically, I’m still Mrs. Park but ain’t no piece of paper telling who I belong too.

Whatever! I have too much to focus on already! Game on, Game on! First, I got to get these papers approved and signed by Mr. Jeon then-

Buzz Buzz Buzz!

Who’s calling-

Speak of the devil. I could have sworn I deleted his contact a long time ago! “ What Seo-Joon? I’m busy-“

“ When is this little temper tantrum going to end? Darling, I think you made your point.”

“My point?! Listen here, You slimy son of-” Now, Now Yn calm down calm down don’t let him get a rise out you that just what he wants. A quick exhale should do the trick. “ Seo-Joon, I believe we reached an agreed on no type of communication unless it revolves around the settlement for the divorce.”

How is it possible I can physically see his snarky face?

Seo-Joon stretched out his list of complaints.” It’s been over a year. I miss your kisses, soft skin, that cute birthmark on your-“

“ You will not talk about such embarrassing things over the phone!” Thank goodness, Nobody was around to hear me shot like that.

“Why is this divorce still an issue?!” There goes that temper again-How whinny can one man be? “ If you don’t stop this, I will take matters into my own hands.”

I laughed. “ Ha, Seo-jerk, I’m not scared of you! Do your worst because It doesn’t matter if you drag me back home; it doesn’t subside the problem being over our marriage.” I feel like a broken record at this point. “ If this isn’t about the papers, this conversation is over, Mr. Park; please refrain from calling me again, goodbye.”

He chuckled and mumbled something along the lines of, “ Your cute acting cheeky like this.” The rest he continued louder “ Those delicate hands of yours were made to indulge in the finest silk and satin I can obtain, not working nine to five at whatever job hired a housewife with zero work ethic. I just know I haven’t touched your side of the room since that night- I love you, Mrs.Park, I always will.”

He hung up. You know, after he finished insulting my new lifestyle and calling me a useless housewife, the ‘ I love you’ bit at the end sounds sincere, but he is an actor! Of course.

Hmph! Just because I’m working for myself for one doesn’t mean I’m miserable. I’m actually in love with my job, It pays well with benefits, and I sat on my butt all day. If that pompous little bedazzled turd thinks making me the butt of his jokes will get me back in his arms, he has another thing coming!

“Um, Mrs. Park?”

“ What!” I snapped. “ Oh, Hoseok, I’m sorry!” I bowed my head; the poor thing nearly jumped out of his shoes.

Hoseok beamed his warm heart-shaped smile at me. “ Oppa is having a family meeting today; I guess I’m the first to show.”

I wasn’t informed about a meeting today from Mr.Jeon, maybe because it’s a family affair.

“Tada!” He cutely squeaks. A tasteful package breakfast alongside a tall cup of what I presume is a coffee from..’ Thanks Nature’!

“Oh my- Hobi, this cafe is across town-”

“I overhead Oppa scolding you for skipping meals one day and I’m here to do the same, don’t skip meals or else We will be hurt if something happens to you.” Hoseok pointed at the pack. “ Eat every bit.”

Hoseok displayed a small heart using his index finger and thumb, hopping off to his father’s double doors.

Mr. Jeon has seven sons in all. The man is a true saint; men like him and his sons are why I still believe not all men are dogs. After losing his wife to heart cancer, He just about went bankrupt, donating all he had to have found cures to multiple diseases hoping nobody else had to suffer his same heartbreak.

Love found him again in an orphanage just north of here, ‘Seoul Children Home.’ His first son, Kim Seokjin, at the time Jin was already in his teenage years, making it difficult for him to find a family due to the high demand of couples wanting a single-digit child. His birth family mistreated him, but he was beaten everywhere except his face to keep his handsome appearance. The family decided to put his money-maker to fair use and attempted to sell him. Seokjin saw his opportunity and high-tailed, landing himself in the orphanage where he happily lends a helping hand every chance he got. He learned how to read, write, cook, clean, and even tend to the tots when the nuns were busy.

This is how he met his slightly younger brothers, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, and Kim Namjoon; when being chosen for adoption, Seokjin refused to live without his baby brothers by his side.

“ Hello, Noona!”

Oh, Look just in time, “ Hello, You’re father is in his office.”

Namjoon eyed my edible gift from Hobi and raised his eyebrow as well as a question. “ So this is why Hyung left so early in the morning for-and I hope you’re having a good morning, Noona.”

I’m not older than them. Why do they call me Noona? Do I look old!?

“ Yn, Good morning! How are you!” Jin greeted me with English this morning. He must have been practicing with Namjoon lately.

“ I’m Fine. Seokjin.”

“Chu.” He blew a kiss my way. “ You’re not fine. You’re amazeing.”

“Amazing.” Namjoon corrected for the sidelines.

“Same thing.”

“Pronunciation is everything, Hyung.”

They stopped halfway from their dad’s office. Jin grinned. Wait, I know that smile; oh no, here comes a dad joke.

“ Hey, Namjoon-You know the reason I took the elevator instead of the stairs?”

Namjoon sighed. “ No, why?”

"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something." Jin burst out laughing and clapped his hands.

I giggled not from the joke, but Jin has a contagious laugh.

“See, Yn has good taste.”

A slow deep groan entered the office belonging to Yoongi, lagging. “ I heard that terrible joke from the elevator.” Yoongi waved and leaned against my desk. “ Good Morning.”

“Good Morning.”

There was an awkward pause before Yoongi tapped my desk and pointed to his dad’s office from walking that way.

“Yoon-Yoongi!?”

He turned back towards me.

“ I have something for you. I packed it up on the way here.” Getting off my butt, I walked up and gave him a bottle of his favorite black ice coffee. Ew. I don’t know how he drinks it with no cream or sugar.

Yoongi smiled his gummy smile. “ Thank you for thinking of me.”

“You’re welcome.” And off he goes into the office as well.

Yoongi isn’t the biggest fan of human interaction, but he put forth an endeavor towards me, whether it’s a light ‘ Hi or Hello” or the simplicity of a wave. I admire his gusto. Sidenote, He’s so adorable-I know I know I shouldn’t be gushing over my boss’s son, but his chubby cheeks and almond eyes melt my heart like butter on toast!

Ahem-I better get back to answering those emails and drink this beautiful cup of expensive mud before it gets lukewarm. Yummy, The delectable taste is a boost of serotonin! I really should get to work buuut Hobi did command me to get every last bit and technically he is my boss through some type of weird relative aspect. He is the boss.

Just in a moment of seconds, The breakfast and drink was trash. Something that good should be sinful. I feel terrible I should have saved some for the babies; they would have some, especially Jungkook.

The babies should be here any minute.

[embrassemoi]

𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L    Content: swearing, angst, no proofreading, filler? A/N: i hope your week has been great so far xx

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 35 ✷ Picture’s Up

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

James couldn't recall a time where he felt so drained.

He didn’t even think there was a word to encapsulate just how drained he really felt. Every day, there was a wariness that sunk and immersed itself so deeply within his bones that made it feel like he could hardly breathe.

Day by day, it felt like a part of his sanity was cracking.

Enervated, drowsy, exhausted, knackered, dead on his own two feet… he could go on.

Prefect duties were as dreadful as Remus had said they were and James regretted every time he ever made fun of him for it. It was miserable and karma never hit him harder. Monitoring detentions and rounds were tedious, the tests he had to grade were mind-numbingly boring; all forcing him to lose the little sleep he had.

And then there were the loads of Quidditch practices that once were fun, a way for him to exert his remarkable supply of energy, only became a bit of a nuisance with the overwhelming activities he was forced to juggle.

Working around Moony’s moon cycle...

And then there was the fucking Black family.

The mere mention of their names sent James into a spiral. He’d rather submerge himself into the Black lake and let the giant squid ink all over him than deal with them. But there he was.

He debated for a while, whether or not to tell Black about Regulus but refrained. He was far too stubborn to listen and could make matters worse.

James sighed, leaning into the couch in the common room, running his fingers through his hair.

“Potter.” The ring of Lily’s voice sounded through his ears. James turned around to look at her, feeling his heart accelerate.

“Evans,” he greeted.

“We have rounds in a bit. Don’t be late.”

James simply nodded, not having enough energy to put on a front.

And of course Lily noticed. She noticed his frazzled appearance and lack of energy. There was hardly any banter between them and Lily would’ve thought it was a miracle that his annoying self had vanished, replaced with timorous energy. But if anything, it was disquieting.

She bit the inside of her cheek, forcing out, “Hey, you alright?”

He gave a little audible sound in response. “Yeah. I’ll be there. I just need to make a few arrangements quickly. Meet you by the... Prefects’ bathroom?”

Lily considered him.

“... See you.”

James made his way out of the common room, slipping out the Marauder’s Map. He’d been tracking Regulus’ movements for the past few days now and the only person he went to was Y/N for any substantial amount of time.

He truly had no one else and it ruled out any potential bullying.

Walburga and Orion… Their treatment towards him shocked James. Golden boy Regulus, who would’ve thought?

But even with the Marauder’s Map, it was impossible to keep track of him. He never stayed in one spot long enough to catch, aside from the dungeons and Slytherin common room.

Everything regarding Regulus’ situation forced James to think strenuously. If he were to accidentally say too much of what Whiskers had told him, not only would Regulus close himself off to him, but to her too, leaving them with no clue of his well-being.

And it forced him to worry about Whiskers. She didn’t know what she's getting herself into… What if Walburga and Orion caught word of their friendship?

James shuddered, pushing away the thought. He didn’t want to think about what would happen to either of them.

He continued to watch Regulus’ name travel across the map before ascertaining he was close. He tapped on the map, muttering out ‘Mischief managed’ whilst bolting down the hallways. Each twist and turn exhilarated a nervous adrenaline thumping through his veins as he rehearsed a little speech inside his head.

Before Regulus had time to process what was happening, James had already yanked him back, disappearing into one of the secret passageways.

“What the — Potter?!” He squawked. Pushing him away, James saw the pure panic washed over his features through the shadows.

“I know we don’t have much time,” James rushed, “But hear me out.”

He made no attempt to move but looked around for other students.

“You’ll always have a home with me,” James said easily as if it was the most obvious answer. “With Bla — Sirius — living with me, you’re more than welcome to as well. I understand your situation and —”

“No,” Regulus leered, “I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?” James challenged before easing up. “My family and I are more than willing to protect you, like how we’ve been doing for Sirius.”

And then it stayed silent for a while and he finally let himself take in his appearance.

“Regulus, what happened to you?”

Regulus’ head hung. “All I wanted was to have long hair.”

And then it clicked for James, but he was running out of things to say that were convincing and felt a familiar panic return.

“You miss him, right?” He tried. “I know he misses you. If maybe —”

But when Regulus’ mood suddenly changed, James knew instantly that he had miscalculated.

“Miss me?” Regulus laughed bitterly. “He doesn’t miss me and he has never considered me his brother. You, Lupin, Pettigrew — you’re his brothers.”

He could see the misty tears welding up in Regulus’ eyes and didn’t make a move to stop him when he stormed out from the passageway.

Once Regulus was free from James, he sprinted, blinking multiple times to prevent tears from seeping out. An ache burned inside his chest as he found himself diving into his bed, pulling the curtains shut.

Those unforgettable questions that plagued his mind for a year now played heavily in his mind, like his own personal film.

What made someone good or bad? What did he believe in? Was he strong enough to break from his mould or did he want to? And most importantly, what was he willing to do?

Blood purity…

Regulus closed his eyes. He wished life was a dress rehearsal and there were times to make mistakes and have do-overs without permanent repercussions. To get time to practice and refine life until he explored every avenue. Unfortunately, life had no room for anything but the final performance. Every stumble, every mishap or memory slip was presented to a live audience day by day.

Reopening his eyes, he had his answer.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

A few weeks went by and September was coming to a close. October came with beautiful colours and a chilly breeze.

It felt like every day, Y/N added another reason to be disgruntled and hateful onto her list. It had been a month since she’d last seen her mother and she refrained from sending any letters; waiting patiently to see if she would make the first move.

Nothing.

It was safe to say that it put her into a bad mood that morning.

The walk to Defence Against the Dark Arts with Lily was a quiet one and slightly uncomfortable. However, the uncomfortable bit was more on Lily’s end rather than Y/N who was too wrapped in her anger-induced thoughts.

These days, their lessons were almost exclusively in the Duelling room, filled with practical lessons. Especially today, she was beyond thankful for; eager to have an outlet.

But Professor Elway was unusually keen on inviting her to the Duelling sessions. She was almost as difficult as dodging Slughorn’s Slugclub invites. Luckily, Y/N liked Elway and duelling was electrifying. Even potion making, no matter how much she enjoyed it, was lengthy and mundane.

Mentioning their professor, she wasn’t there that morning when they arrived outside the Duelling room. The students lounged outside the door, taking out their books and wand while they waited.

Remus found himself drifting to her as they quietly chatted away.

“Like your sweater,” she said. In the background, she could hear Marlene and James yelling, “It’s a jumper!”

Remus smiled. “This old thing?” Pointing to the sweater that she knitted. They both giggled a bit; Remus leaned slightly against her, eyes lingering a beat.

“Sorry, I’m late!” Elway called out to them in a dreamy voice. “Everyone, follow me!”

Puzzled, the class looked at each other as they followed their professor away from the dungeons. While they walked, rude and unbearable, Peeves the Poltergeist floated upside down. Once he spotted Remus, he immediately drifted up to him, opening his mouth, no doubt about to hurl all sorts of names or songs at him.

Remus hardly looked at him, already taking out his wand and said lazily, “Waddiwasi!” at Peeves.

A wad of gum shot out from nowhere and landed directly on Peeves before he whirled back from Remus, spewing curses at him.

“Nice one! Ought to teach me that later!” “Almost feel bad for the bloke!” Both James and Peter said at the same time.

Elway had led them outside to a desolate area, free from a canopy of branches and leaves.

“Now, my pupils!” She sang. “You might be wondering, ‘what are we doing out here?’ Lucky for you, we’re going to be practicing a few spells and learning how to fight using other means during duels.”

Like most of the class, Emmeline was ​skeptical as she raised her hand. “I thought we weren’t supposed to use physical means during duels?”

“Precisely,” said Elway, walking back and forth in front of the class. “Couldn't have said it better myself. But you know who won’t give a damn?”

There was a long pause for effect.

“Your enemies.” She clapped her hands together. “Now, can anyone give us some ideas? How about… Miss L/N?”

Blinking a few times, she hesitated, not expecting to be called on. “Er — you can… take them from the legs?”

“Wonderful idea! I’m thrilled you said that! Does anyone else want to add on?”

Remus raised his hand, answering politely. “Using your arms — stretching them.”

Professor Elway nodded away happily. “Wonderful answer! Take five points! Like Remus said, stretching your arms out or boarding your shoulders, spacing out your legs can widen your defence range! Why don’t we try?”

She called Remus up first and Y/N could tell he was slightly nervous. He doubled down, making himself seem smaller by hunching over and made sure not to accidentally hurt their professor.

A couple of Hufflepuffs, Slytherins and then James, Marlene and Lily all tried; mimicking Elway as she let them knock her over.

“Most importantly,” Elway said, dusting off her robes free from leaves and dirt. She panted a bit, tired from being knocked down multiple times. “Never let the enemy strike first. You all did fantastically!

“Obviously, in any professional setting, you’ll be disqualified if you ever tried to physically attack your opponent. But you can still play dirty in a duel!

“The charm Obscuro has been helpful on several occasions. It blindfolds your opponent. Please repeat after me: Ob-SKOO-roh!”

“Obscuro!”

“Excellent!” Elway gave a little applause, filled with glee. “Another spell that I love is the Confundus charm. Y/N! May you please explain to us the purpose of the Confundus charm?”

“She’s calling on you an awful lot,” Lily muttered.

She nodded a bit. “It confuses your oppent. The varying degree depends on how much magic is put into the initial casting.”

“Perfect! Five points to Gryffindor. If you will tell me about Incendio.”

As she spoke, there was almost a switch that went off in Elway that made her incessantly happy that almost unnerved her.

“Beautiful! Now if you may, help demonstrate the spell?”

“I don’t want to hurt —”

“Trust me, you won’t.”

Then, Y/N felt a deep lurch of fear as everyone retreated against the trees, giving her a clear view of Professor Elway opposed to her, waiting to block her spell.

She took a deep breath in, pushing up the sleeves of her robes, she held her wand.

Professor Elway had a protective spell around her. “One, two, three — now!”

“Incendio!” Only meek sparks shot out of her wand. A few students snickered while her friends were seen trying to drown them out by clapping.

“That was amazing!” Peter called out.

“I wouldn’t be able to do that on the first go!” Marlene shouted.

“That was good! Try again! One, two, three — go!”

“Incendio!” Nothing noteworthy happened. It was embarrassing.

“It’s alright, try again!” Elway said, not letting her go yet. “Think about something that’s motivating!”

Y/N closed her eyes, inhaling deeply and pondered. What was motivating to her? Surely, the want to continue with magic after school was motivating. Or perhaps proving someone wrong?

Proving someone wrong…

She had a lot to prove to her mother.

Instead of her being motivated, a flicker of annoyance and anger flooded her instead. Sensing the change, Elway beamed, her wand held high.

“One —”

Her mother always prioritized everyone and everything above her —

“Two —”

Was never there when it mattered —

“Three —”

There was never much affection. The constant want to please, the low self-esteem made her feel worthless, unloveable, always wanting to run when she got too close — she caused it —

“Now!”

“Incendio!” She bellowed.

A loud crack rippled through the air and caused her to stumble back. A large blast of orange and red flames shot out from her wand. Scorching heat flooded out, causing all the students to jump back as Elway shot waves of water, extinguishing the flames at once. As angry as she had been, glee and pure enjoyment replaced that quickly.

Once the bell rang, the students gathered up their belongings, leaving for their next class. But Elway took a moment, calling out her name, asking that she stay back for a few moments.

James and Lily staggered behind, offering to wait as they talked quietly under one of the willow trees.

They were so civil these days…

“I would’ve offered you a cup of tea,” Elway spoke as she approached her. Her foot tapped against the ground, her eyes far-away, thinking thoughtfully with a sly smirk. “Has anyone told you that you would make for an excellent, excellent duellist?”

Her eyebrows raised and shook her head.

That only prompted her teacher to smirk, in a satisfied sort of way. “You’re exceptionally strong for someone with no experience.”

There was a smug tone to Elway’s voice and she couldn’t quite place what she was getting at.

“Did you know that any professional duellist would kill for your wand? Or even the slight edge you have against them with your talent?”

“Erm… no?” Y/N said. She wondered if Elway needed glasses because surely, she wasn’t referring to herself. “Professor… are you sure you’re talking to the right student?”

She laughed so hard that she had to clutch her stomach tightly. She ignored her question. “My dear, do you have any ideas of what you want to be when you’re older?”

“Not really.”

“I have a proposition for you,” she beamed, flicking her long blonde, almost silver hair out of the way. “Let me take you under my wing, make you into a proper duellist.”

Y/N blinked. She didn’t know what to say and stood there with her mouth gaped.

“Yes, you heard that correctly.” Professor Elway teased. “I’d love to mentor you.”

She sputtered, positively confused and flustered. “I’m not at the top of the class, I struggle with Charms, I’ve never had a huge interest in it — I don’t know the first thing about duelling!”

“That’s what I’m here for, no? And your skill is exceptional and I know a duellist when I see one. You’ve shown the last few lessons that you’re capable of casting very strong spells.

“And do you know what separates a duellist from the masses? Energy, emotions and power. What changed when I told you to think about something motivating? A powerful Duellist may only be out of sheer power and brunt force, but a well-rounded Duellist listens to every part of their body. Their wand, their heart, the emotions that cause them to fight.”

“But —”

Elway flicked her wrist, mildly interested in her excuses. “Anyway, off to your next lesson. Take some time to think about it,” she smiled, clearly not going to take no for an answer. “I’ll be waiting for when you finally agree.”

Both Lily and James took her arms, hooking it with theirs and walked to Potions. They were staring at her, lost for words at Professor Elway’s proposition.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

“Yes, Pettigrew.” McGonagall scolded rather harshly. “The essay is due on Monday.”

Peter averted his gaze, grumbling out a thank you before exiting her office. “Dunno why she’s so strict with me.”

“She wants the best for you,” James tried to encourage as they all headed back to their common room.

Y/N couldn’t care less as she thought about later that night. No matter how hard she tried, Slughorn wouldn’t take no for an answer and she was almost forced to make an appearance at the Slugclub.

Lily was so excited, running through their dorm as she got ready.

Marlene sulked a bit, folding her arms across her chest. She was quiet enough for Lily not to hear, but Y/N heard her clear as day. “That’s not fair. I want to be invited. I want to feel special too.”

“You’re more than special,” Dorcas cut in, rubbing a hand up and down her shoulder. “You’re a star, baby.”

Y/N ignored them, fiddling with a small tube of eyeliner, watching Lily excitedly going through her closest.

Luckily, not only would Lily be there, but Remus, most likely Regulus — however, she doubted they would be able to interact — and funnily enough, James was invited too.

Inside the actual party was decent, a lot better than she expected. There were still the uptight students who thought they were above others, or the Purebloods that judged her when she walked into the room, but it was bearable.

Y/N chuckled as she watched Remus throwback drink after drink, sneakily stealing a few alcoholic beverages meant for the adults. His movements were so discreet that nobody ever suspected him.

She covered her smile behind her glass.

“Hi. It’s been awhile.”

Y/N turned around, and there, Aldrich McLaggen stood wearing a little smile. He trimmed his blond hair to sweep nicely and his cheekbones hallowed out.

“It has. And congratulations, I heard you’re on the Quidditch team.”

“Yes! Chaser - taking over Bell’s position.”

“So… How are you?”

If it was even possible, Aldrich’s smile grew wide. “I’ll be a lot better if I saw your smile tonight?”

She didn’t smile; unimpressed and decided to sip on her drink.

“Yeah,” Aldrich began again, “Didn’t think that would work.”

“A pretty big miss.” She grumbled.

“But I’m getting to know how to impress you in the future.”

Y/N turned to side-eye him. “Hmm? How?”

“How about -” And out of nowhere, he reached behind her ear and pulled out a red rose, handing it to her. Much like a Muggle magician.

She felt a coy smile tug at her lips and forced it down, but failed. “Nice one.”

“Everyone! Please come down and sit!” Slughorn announced, calling to all the students.

He beamed, flashing his teeth. “Don’t hide away again. I’d love to see you again.”

She tilted her head at him, tilting her glass before making her way to find her spot at the table.

The girl beside her had frizzy light brown hair and large glasses that looked like they were from an animated children’s television program. She was draped in a colourful shawl.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.”

But the other young witch smiled brightly, although never quite meeting her eyes as she outstretched her hand. “Sybill Trelawney.”

She shook Sybill’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

But then Y/N took a good look at her and realized, “We’re in the same charms class, right?”

Sybill nodded her head, fingers tapping rapidly on the table. “For two years now. I sit a row behind you. And by the way, you're very pretty.”

She was taken back, a genuine smile spreading over her lips. “Thank you, you look lovely too! I adore your glasses.”

A light blush spread across Sybill’s face, her hand brushing against her glasses. Her eyes peered up for a second before averting her gaze. Y/N couldn’t help but smile, already enjoying Sybill’s presence.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

© gotkindabored 2021. Do not repost or modify

[bohemianrhvps]

Mon amour, puisque tu m'aimes. - G.W.

Summary: George and Fred barely fight but when it happens they might not talk to each other’s for days. After a big fight, George stormed out of the shop and went to muggle London for a walk to calm his nerves. He found himself in one of those old vintage cafes and as he was sitting outside he spot a little flower shop across the street, playing some vintage french songs then he saw her and his heart started trembling.

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol, fluff, modern!George and muggle!reader.

note: I love Edith Piaf and vintage songs with all my heart and lately I can’t stop to listen “Hymn à l’amour” by Edith Piaf. Physically the reader is based on me (hope that’s not a big deal). I had this idea because I think that George would definitely fall for a muggle, he finds them fascinating just like his father.

‘How dare he say something like that? How dare Fred tell me that my job is not enough and I need to focus more?’

George was furious, he and his brother Fred just had one of their biggest fight ever. He stormed of the shop that he and his brother owned leaving a furious Fred and a confused Ron behind him. He went straight to the Leaky Cauldron and entered muggle London crowded streets. It was early evening and almost everyone was going home after a long day at work.

He decided to calm down his nerves and take a walk around London’s little alleys. His mind was full of thoughts, he was thinking about the words he and his twin brother said to each other’s, angry words that it doesn’t matter that they were said impulsively they still hurt.

After a while he found himself in a little street, less crowded, one of those roads that seemed like those roads in small country villages. A little vintage cafes caught his eyes and he decided that he needed a coffee, even if he didn’t enjoyed his flavour. After ordering, paying and picked up his coffee, he went out to sit in one of those two-seater tables outside the cafes.

Vintage french musics draw his attention, making him stand up and look around trying to figure out where it came from. His eyes landed on this little flower shop on the street corner so he crossed the street and walk towards it. He was never a big fan of Herbology at Hogwarts or plants in general but he was fascinated by these plants, he also saw lemon trees and they were so yellow and so beautiful and their smell was magnificent and he wondered how could they be so beautiful, they were simple and common plants but they were the most beautiful he had ever seen.

Y/n was watering the tulips inside her little shop, humming that old french song that she put in her “oldies” playlist when she spotted this tall red haired man outside her shop, looking at her plants almost suspiciously and she wondered what he was thinking about.

“Did you know that talking to plants makes them grow better?” she calmly said leaning on the front door, still holding the watering can with both hands.

“Is that the secret to having such beautiful plants?” George said turning fully around.

When they met each other’s eyes they remained silent for a couple of minutes. She was mesmerised by his features, he was indeed handsome and his hair was a fiery shade of orange. On the other hand he was mesmerised by her looks, he found her particular, almost weird but she was absolutely dazzling. She had short brown hair, her haircut right under the ear, that perfectly framed her round face. She was wearing a white flannel shirt and a pair of beige flannel pants and the first buttons of her shirt were open. She was at least one foot lower than George, she wasn’t skinny, her waist was slightly narrower than her hips that widened, highlighting her fleshy thighs. And George, being the thighs man he is, had to refrain from staring too long. She was so simple yet so particular and captivating.

“So you like my plants, ay?” she said smiling and putting the watering can on the side.

“I’m not a big fan of flowers and plants but I have to admit that your plants look very tempting.”

‘You are very temping. No wait- George what the heck. Calm down your hormones, mate’ he mentally cursed himself for thinking such things about her.

“If my plants are tempting let me show you something then.” She laughed and went inside her shop, shouting a muffled “Come in” waiting for him to follow her. After having rummaged among the various plants she came back to George with a little succulent in her hands.

“This is a little Echeveria elegans, which is a succulent plant.” she smiled placing the plant on the counter.

George found himself entering the shop and looking around it, it was much smaller than his but it was lovely, full of colours and aromas. He looked at the plant she brought with her and raised his eyebrows, wondering why she took that plant.

“I want to give you this plant.” Her smile was so big that he sweared her skin was going to break. He panicked because he didn’t know how to pay that plant sure he had money with him but muggle money is different from Galleons. He opened his jacket to get his wallet but her hand stopped him.

“No, it’s a gift.” her hand was still on his forearm and he couldn’t help but smile at the contact.

“Forgive my rudeness for not introducing myself sooner but I’m (y/n).” her hand stretched out waiting for George to hold it.

“I’m George and it’s very nice meeting you.” he smiled softly at her, making her blush. She couldn’t help but think about how handsome and charming he was.

“You’re new around here, right? I’ve never seen your face before.” and what a beautiful face she may add.

“No actually I found myself in this street after a long walk and had a coffee in that lovely cafes I want to add that I think I’m going back because that coffe was amazing and I usually don’t drink or like coffe. Anyway I own a shop with my twin brother.” he was babbling but Oh Merlin she made him so nervous.

“Oh yeah? And where is this shop?” the way her brow frowned over in curiosity was adorable.

“Oh it’s across town actually, yeah” his initial enthusiasm had now disappeared.

George looked at his watch and realised that it was almost dinner time and tonight he was supposed to cook for him and Fred.

“I’m sorry but I really need to go now, I guess I’ll see you around then.” he said making his way out of the shop.

“I’ll wait for you to come back here again then.” she smiled at him. The sunset made the whole situation looking like one of those romantic muggle movies his parents made him watch.

He waved his hand at her and walked towards the Leaky Cauldron with the biggest smile on his face and this little plant on his huge hands, he felt like Neville back in Hogwarts.

*The next day*

“Good morning Dear (Y/n)”

“Good morning Margaret”

“Oh you’re wearing a dress and you’re in a good mood today. The usual, love?” (Y/n) simply laughed at the old and lovely woman that owned the cafe and nodded at her question.

“Can I ask you something?” she said sipping her hot cappuccino.

“Anything dear” Margaret smiled at her.

“Did a tall red-haired guy come in here yesterday?” she tried not to look very hopeful.

“How could I forget him? He had this fiery red hair, this purple suit and he was so tall. Is he your boyfriend?” same old nosey Margaret.

“What? No no” she blushed laughing nervously.

“Oh, okay then.” Margaret simply shrugged.

“If he comes again I offer everything he orders.” she smiled and hurried to open her flower shop.

**

“I don’t know why but she was capable of making me nervous. Me? George Fabian Weasley nervous in front of a girl? She’s beautiful though, very particular may I add. Anyway I’ll probably visit her again tod-“

“George who the fuck are you talking to?” Fred came out of his room hearing George talking to a plant?

“Oh Fred ehm nothing, I mean no one” he laughed nervously scratching his neck.

“Do you remember that we have lunch at the Burrow right? Ron and Hermione wants to tell us something.” Fred began to have breakfast as if nothing had happened.

“Alright but I have to go now” George rushed down the stairs, making his way to (Y/n)’s flower shop.

He stopped at the cafes and just as he was about to pay, Margaret stopped him.

“(Y/n) offers” she winked at him. His brows furred but he cracked a smile.

“What’s your name, dear?”

“George” he said before leaving the cafes and run towards her shop.

While he was sipping his coffe, he stayed outside waiting for her clients to leave but admiring her. She was radiant today, she was wearing a yellow long flower dress, with long sleeves balloon and she curled her hair a bit. ‘How cool, they seem shorter’ he thought.

“You know you didn’t have to, right?” he said raising his coffee as soon she was alone in the shop.

“I know, but I wanted to.” everything about her was simply adorable.

He looked around and he found these beautiful and aromatic lilies.

“Just her favourites.” he whispered to himself but (Y/n) heard that and she felt her heart clenched a bit and she didn’t know why.

“Can I have a few of these?” he turned her way.

She took the lilies and made a lovely bouquet, she didn’t want to be nosey but..

“Are these for your girlfriend?” she said tying the boquet with a pink ribbon.

“My girlfr- no no, these are for my mom.” he answered almost too quickly. “We have a family lunch, my brother and his wife want to tell us something. I’m wondering what it is.” again he was babbling and tell her things that she probably didn’t want to hear.

“Maybe she’s pregnant, I don’t know.” she answered giggling. He was going to pay but again she stopped him, shaking her head with a simple smile.

“Let me know if your mum liked them.” she waved her hand and again George found himself with the biggest smile of his face.

**

“Merlin’s beard George, they’re beautiful.” Molly was thrilled when she saw the lilies. “(Y/n)’s flawless flowers.. never saw it in Diagon Alley, is it a new shop?”

“Actually mom it’s a shop in muggle London, yeah.” he scratched the back of his neck, blushing a little.

“And tell me, what's she like? Big tits? Big ass?” Fred whispered pushing his shoulder a bit.

“Big tit- Fred what the hell?” he scolded at his twin brother.

“Boys behave we have an announcement!” Ron said clapping his hands drawing everybody’s attention on him and Hermione.

“I’m pregnant.” Hermione said with a big smile on her face.

“(Y/n), how did you know..” George whispered to himself while clapping his hands at the happy couple.

“Were you talking to me?” asked Fred smirking, acting like he didn’t heard George’s exact words.

**

It was Monday morning and it was also (Y/n)’s day off so she decided to walk around London and look for George’s shop, she wanted to surprise him. It took her almost the whole morning but she hadn’t seen his shop, he told her that outside his shop there were a huge statue that looked like him so it was impossible to miss. It was around noon and she decided to go visit her grandmother and her flower shop. The only thing was that her grandmother was a witch and her flower shop was in Diagon Alley so she made her way through the Leaky Cauldron and entered Diagon Alley. It has been a while since she was in the wizard world but she knew exactly how to act. Just around the corner she spotted an unfamiliar shop.

Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes.

The moment she saw the statue she instantly froze. She recognised it and the shop was exactly like George described it. She decided to enter and look around.

The inside of the shop was simply beautiful, so full of colours and people and she was simply enchanted. She spotted a familiar tall ginger man and she made her way to him.

“George?” she tapped his shoulder.

“Wrong one, love. I’m Fred.” he said turning around to greet her. She smiled at him as she instantly recognised him as George’s twin brother.

“And you are?” he raised his eyebrows.

“(Y/n), I’m (Y/n).” she reached out to him.

“Oooh” Fred said with a cheeky grin. “(Y/n)’s flawless flowers, right?” he squeezed her hand.

“Oì, stop flirting with our costumers and come to h-“ he froze. He was panicking when he saw her. And now what? What is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to say?

“(Y/n) hi, w-what are you doing here?” his palms were sweating so hard he hoped you wouldn’t notice.

“Your shop is literally magical.” she ignored his questions as she giggled looking around George’s shop. “My grandmother is a witch, she owns a flower shop here in Diagon Alley, so here I am.” she said raising her hands.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you” he was really sorry because he really like her, he didn’t know if he liked her as a friend or more but he sure enjoyed her company.

“Oh it’s okay, I can imagine it’s not easy telling someone you’re a wizard” her laugh was lovely.

“So, can I have the honor of showing you around the store?” he asked her extending his arm which she gladly accepted.

“Y/n guess what... Hermione’s pregnant.” he said super excited.

“I told you!” she said jumping a little making George smile like a five years old.

George turned around to his brother who was looking at them smiling. Fred knew his brother and he knew that George fell for her, even before George himself knew that.

note: I’m thinking of making this a mini series, divide it into three maybe four parts (reader meeting the Weasleys and maybe add some smut lol). Let me know if you liked it and if you want me to continue it.

[soulrph]

Hi!

I'm rather new to tumblr rpc but I already have some posts in my blog, inclusing some samples of my writing, and I followed a person who is mutuals only a couple of weeks ago and they didn't follow me back but didn't block me either (so I'm still following them) and I'm a little at a loss as to what I should do. Should I try to talk to them? Should I unfollow them? Should I refrain from any action and remain their follower without interacting with them?..

I'm not sure if my question comes across as wrong or disrespectful (believe me, I've no intention to be, I'm simply confused) but you seem like a very nice and pretty experienced in rpc person so I thought that I could ask you what to do?

hi my darling!! okay, for starters, kudos to you for braving the madness that is the tumblr rpc! it's always scary to try something new, so well done for understanding that and reaching out! i'm so touched that you thought of me when it came to asking for help!

now, for starters, mutuals only is a choice that many rp blogs like to take in terms of how they interact on the dash. it's absolutely never anything personal!! i use the same method myself to try and keep my mutual pool smaller and less overwhelming! (it never works because i have no self control and everyone is super talented, but that's a subject for another time!)

if it's been a couple of weeks, it does seem like they won't be following you back right now. most people recheck their follower lists once or twice a week, because tumblr loves to complicate matters by hiding notifications! but it seems as though the best response now would be to unfollow them. tempting as it may be to reach out, it might make matters difficult! i also feel like staying as a non-mutual follower might be hard also. my rule of thumb is to wait a week, ten days at a push, then unfollow if nothing is happening! sometimes the mutual checker doesn't work, and if nothing is happening between us regarding writing, then it's best to let it all go.

but!!! my darling nonnie, did you know that tumblr has 30-50 million users?? (according to businessinsider dot com???)

which means, if we divide that to even like, ten million rpc members, that there's still 9,999,999 other people to potentially become mutuals with! i think when i first joined the rpc, i had like, five mutuals for the first three months. and now i have a meme blog with which i use to send my clumsy advice into the unwilling dashes of many followers! it takes time, and i want you to know how brilliant it is that you reached out to ask for advice on this, because it isn't disrespectful nor rude!! you don't know this stuff!! people forget that they didn't always know this stuff either!!

the etiquette of the tumblr rpc is obvious once you've been here for years and years. but for the new and innocent angels among us, it's completely new and foreign, and that's okay! you will make mistakes, but you will learn, and people need to accept that. but until that happens, i will always try my best to be here to help and support those new or uncertain friends that need advice! and if i fail to help, then i trust in all the kind and wonderful followers here to add additional insight in the comments!! after all, what else is a community for if not to help one another?

anyway! i hope this helped, and i hope you find your experience of the dash to be a good and fun one! and if you ever need any help again, my digital door is always open!

much love my darling!

blue.

[palimpsessed]

I have a question for you because you are SO GOOD at analyzing awtwb. Can you explain the “is this what people do?” Thinking that Simon is going through? Most of the things he goes through I see reflected in myself or people I know, but I haven’t seen that before. I would love to know all your thoughts on that?

Hi, Anon! Thanks for sending this ask and for your kind words about my analysis. ❤️

I would love to talk about "is this what people do"!

I'm going to give you my take, and then I'm going to include some thoughts from a friend who isn't on tumblr. Let’s dive in!

Simon asks "is this what people do" because he truly doesn't know what people do. He knows how to be a Chosen One, but he doesn't know how to be a person. He's spent the bulk of his life up until this point as a weapon. He understands how to fight, how to protect those around him, how to sacrifice himself, but he doesn't really understand living for the sake of living. In my answer to another ask, I talked about how Simon doesn't know how to be at peace. I think that's applicable here, too.

Part of what Simon struggles with so much in the time between the end of CO and the beginning of WS is how to live without having a defined purpose, a "mission". He's lost a lot of things that he allowed to define his sense of self, and now he has to sort out who he is without all of that. We see him start to make progress with living for the sake of living in WS: going on a roadtrip to a place he's always wanted to see; being silly and flirting at the Renaissance Faire and walking around with his wings out; flying over Utah, getting to feel the wind in his face and under his wings. But most of the time, he's still struggling with being at peace—living without a mission. Living for himself.

The WS epilogue tells us: "This is what happens if you try to hang on after the end…the pages go blank...Simon Snow's [story] is over." There's no established arc for a hero post-final battle—there's no set narrative or expectations for this point in Simon's life and he's struggling in the uncertainty of it all. He's also struggling with the lingering trauma from years of neglect, exploitation, and violence.

There's a reason the gang literally goes off the map in WS—there is no guide for this part of their journey, and, at least for Simon, doing the "normal" expected thing at this time (getting a flat, going to university, making new friends) isn't working for him. He doesn't have any idea what to do with his life now—this part was never planned out for him. As a child in care and then a boy soldier, Simon never had agency over himself. He was responsible for the fate of the World of Mages and saving all of magic, but he wasn't ever allowed to be responsible for himself. I don't mean that Simon doesn't know how to take care of himself—I'd argue he's the most self-sufficient and practically-minded of the gang because of all the time he was left to fend for himself. But Simon is going out into the world as an adult and there isn't someone else to tell him what to do anymore. (This is something we all face at some point growing up, but it's definitely more extreme in his case!) Don't get me wrong. Being in control of his own life is a really good thing for Simon, but it also leaves him without any idea of how to navigate through life. Someone else has always been there to give him orders or to give him a plan, but we see all of the plans in WS fall apart.

In AWTWB, Simon tries move forward with a new plan—one he thinks is best for everyone—fracturing his relationships with the two most important people in his life while also attempting to make a clean break from magic. It's the wrong thing to do, even if it's something that needs to happen. From the end of CO to the start of AWTWB, Simon chooses to do nothing, because he's afraid. Then he does the wrong thing, also out of fear.

Instead of fighting, which is what he's always done before, Simon allows fear to keep him from acting, allows fear to drive him away from what's important. Simon didn't fear dying as a child in the course of his heroic deeds, but he does fear a future spent with the people he loves (it's "frightening"). He fears it because it’s “uncertain” and he doesn't think he can hold onto it (“I never believed I’d get to keep you”). He doesn't think he has a right to try.

"Is this what people do" is Simon trying. It's him trying with Baz, specifically. Simon is scared because he and Baz are in unknown territory, and he cares so much about making things work between them. He knows how much there is to lose. He just doesn’t know what he needs to do to hold on to Baz. He doesn’t really have any idea what a healthy relationship looks like. I know I’ve seen discussions about how Simon never had proper relationship modeling. (@mostlymaudlin has addressed this and other aspects of Simon’s previous relationship experience with Agatha in this post that is highly relevant and I also just recommend it.) Yes, Simon has prior experience with Agatha, but he didn’t know what he was doing in that relationship either and he tells Baz that his experience with her doesn’t come anywhere close to his feelings for Baz. With Agatha, Simon saw a nebulous “happy ending” without knowing what that happy ending was going to look like, nor how he was going to get there. He has no idea of the reality of a healthy relationship or how to do the hard work to maintain it. This is what both Simon and Baz are learning in AWTWB.

When the refrain comes up, it's always in response to a milestone that Simon and Baz have crossed in their relationship, from (practically) moving in together to being intimate.

Simon is mentally taking a step back and looking at his relationship with Baz. He's looking at the things they're doing, as a couple. Things they've not managed to do before, or things they have done that he hasn't given himself the space to process—something he admits he never did with Agatha. Simon asking the question "is this what people do" encapsulates so much: Is this what life and love looks like for other people? For us? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? What we're supposed to be doing? How do I feel about what’s happening now? What do I want to happen? Is this how two people love each other?

The ways in which the refrain shifts over the course of the book show us how Simon's thinking shifts as his relationship with Baz progresses. And at the end, the refrain has changed from a question into a statement. Seeing the first and last occurrences next to each other tells so much of the story of Simon's growth.

Chapter 38:

Is this what people do when they're in love? Do they just keep touching and talking? And then what? Like what is it all leading to? I don't mean sex, I mean…

If I knew what I meant, it wouldn't be so frightening.

I'm living second by second.

Chapter 82:

This is what people do.

They get close and try to stay there.

They stay.

They keep trying to hold on to each other...this is what they do. They keep trying.

…This is what people do. This is what we'll do. Baz and me.

…"Stay with me."

"I will."

This shift in confidence is subtle, but it is such a big deal! Simon has gone from not being able to think about the future at all to promising Baz that he will stay with him and keep trying in their relationship. He's answered the question for himself!!! He’s figured out how to try for Baz. The thing is, in the end, it really doesn’t matter what “people” do. It matters what Simon and Baz do, because they’re the ones who are doing this together, for each other. They have plenty of time to figure out how “what people do” is going to look for them.

Now I want to add some thoughts shared by RooBadley in the conversations we've had about "is this what people do". I always appreciate getting Roo's take on things, and I completely agree with them on this. (Do yourself a favor and check out Roo's AO3 if you haven't already.)

"the subtlety of [is this what people do is] a reflection of [Simon’s] queerness/a touchstone universal queer youth experience (is this what it's supposed to be like? I dunno, I've never seen A Person Like Me get to have a happy/healthy/normal relationship). Is this what (queer) people do? Am I doing it right?"

and...

"I've ruminated more on that statement as reference to the queer experience and I feel like there's more evidence to support that reading. we know he's had sex with Agatha (and he's woke/attentive enough to know about peeing to prevent UTI's, so clearly he knows what straight, penetrative sex is) and there's that lovely line at the start about Dr Wellbelove giving him the birds & bees talk, but leaving some things out (I love that bit) And he's so confident when he's talking with Baz about having had sex with Agatha, like, he knows what they did. It's just with Baz that he's suddenly in self-doubt "is this..." Land"

Reading this take from Roo about a universal queer youth experience definitely hit home for me. I think Rainbow did a superb job of speaking to multiple experiences with Simon’s journey and in treating that journey with so much care. I think it’s amazing that we get to see this part of the story, this aftermath and healing, because it really isn’t part of the established story arc we’re used to and it really should be. Like you said in your ask, Anon, we’ve all had lived experiences that help us see ourselves in these characters, and to watch them struggle and persevere and succeed is incredibly important.

If anyone has anything they’d like to add on, or another question to ask, as always, please feel free to do so! I will never get enough of talking about this book! ❤️

[justreadingfics]

It’s a Deal (Chapter 7)

Chapter Summary: How you and Bucky feel about the presence of your ex-boyfriend.  

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 4.3k

Warnings:+18 only, mention to smut, overdrinking, embarrassing behavior due alcohol consumption, Natasha knows stuff, ex-boyfriend, minor jealousy, minor angst, floof, Bucky has a somewhat creep confession, but give him a break, he’s never been in love.

A/N: Another smutless one, I hope you don’t mind. Thank you to my sweet Les for having my back. The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated.

Tag list for this story is closed.  

Previously:

Your shoulder brushes against him as you walk past Bucky and he turns his body around, following you with his gaze. He takes a long sip of his drink and places a hand inside his pocket, watching as you approach your ex-boyfriend.  

He tries hard to bury deep down inside him the tug on his chest.

“Oh, fuck…”

Natasha’s curse makes him turn to her and he realizes she’s been watching him, with a dumbfounded expression he’s not used to see on her face.

“What?”

She scoffs and shakes her head, seeming in an estate of disbelief, “This whole time I’d been worried with the wrong person.”

No point. Bucky sees absolutely no point in trying to make it like there isn’t  turmoil twisting inside of him. Not for Natasha, anyway, it would be to no avail. Also, he’s pretty sure there’s a kicked puppy look on his face to make it harder for him to put on any kind of façade.

“Fuck,” he sighs and run his hand harshly over his face, “What the hell is this, Natasha?” He whines, failing at trying to not sound as helpless as he does.

“You tell me, buddy.” She points at him with her glass of vodka, tilting her head with interest.

“Shit,” he exhales, looking down, before his face snaps up at her, “I’m … just weird, I’m not myself these days.” Bucky bites his lower lip as if trying to somehow refrain from spilling the words, but he just can’t, he’s dying to let it all out. He steps closer to her and lowers his voice as much as he can with the loud music beating around them, “I’ve spent almost every day of the last month with her. I have absolutely no desire to see or think of another woman and I have to restrain myself constantly, cause if I had it my way I would call her every five minutes to check in on her, and… and when I’m thinking about her - which is all the time, I fucking swear - I wonder if she’s thinking of me, and now? I mean, right now? I feel like snatching the blade right now on my ankle and shooting it right on that fella’s throat.” Finally taking a breath after his rambling, he points in your direction, before turning to see you right when you’re letting out a small laugh at something the punk has said.

“Wow…” Natasha lets out a whistle.

“A few days ago,” he turns back to his friend, “I snuck into her closet to find out the name of her perfume. And you know what I did next?  I bought a large bottle for myself, like a fucking creep,” sheer frustration plasters on his tone.     

“Oh my…,” Natasha snorts at the same time a mix of incredulity and amusement shines on her eyes, “That’s definitely creepy and it’s even worse than I imagined. The almighty Bucky Barnes, the I’m a whore and proud,” she thickens her voice playfully, moving her arms in a mimicking way, “The I don’t do romance and attachments king is a tiny lost puppy with big blue heart eyes, aww,” she inclines her head as if she’s thinking of him as exactly how she’s just described him.

Bucky tries but he can’t actually find the amusement in all of that. The fact one single woman is making him feel that way is entirely new, unpredictable and… scary as hell. He has no clue where to go from there.

Natasha seems to swiftly catch on his little inner self torment and, after letting out a deep sigh, she puts on a small smile and shakes her head, “Don’t worry Bucky, it’s probably a crush. A big one. But only a crush,” she places her hand on his arm, giving it a squeeze, “Y/n is one of my best friends and I know how delightful it is to be beside her. Maybe you’re just infatuated…”

“Maybe…” he exhales and shrugs, “I wouldn’t know… all I know is I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Not that I remember…. but I’m pretty sure I would.” He looks at you again while you’re still talking to the Eddie guy.  

“They have history,” Natasha says in a kind voice, following your gaze.

“I know.”

“He was her first and only boyfriend.”

“I know.”

“She thought she was going to marry him.”

“Damn Nat…” he breathes out his frustration, dropping his head for a moment, before raising his downcast gaze at her again, “Yeah, I know that, too.”

“But you’re Bucky fucking Barnes,” she snaps in a more cheerful voice shaking his arm with a enthusiastic force, “Don’t forget that, buddy,” she shoots him a warning glare, “Also, I’ve never seen a brighter smile on that woman than when she’s talking about you,” she beams.   

Bucky’s heart jumps and a quick breathy smile surges on his lips before he takes in a shuddering breath, “I’m not sure what I should do, though.”

“Well, figure it out,” she lets go of his arm and taps on it, “My advice for the night if you should accept it is let it flow,” she shrugs. “Go on with your thing and see what happens. Just try not to hurt you or her on your way, though,” Nat warns.

“I’m not even sure I-Wait,” he frowns after his gaze is drawn to the spot where you are again, “Did that fucker just leave her alone?”

He instantly struts towards you, ignoring Nat’s snicker.

~~~

“Hey,” you smile, gulping down the nervousness down your throat as you approach your ex-boyfriend. The one you haven’t seen ever since he broke up with you months ago.

“Hey,” he offers you a tight but kind smile back.

You halt on your way, the awkwardness building up a barrier on your way as you’re not sure what to do next. Should you give him your hand to shake? Hug him? Do nothing at all? Not once before you had thought that moment would play out between you and Eddie.

But he seems a bit more resolved than you and shrugs, leaning forward and wrapping an arm around your shoulders, “Congratulations again,” he says, still holding you, “You’re the best and most hard working person I know, you deserve it.”

The small smile in your lips grows wider and you accept the compliment, relieved that the awkwardness seems to be tamed. While you’re so close to him after all that time, you notice he’s wearing the same perfume he’s been wearing for years, the one which would make you sneeze all the time, but you never really said anything.

“Thank you,” you lean back, sniffing discreetly to suppress the sneeze threatening to come out, “I’m happy you could make it,” you add. The fact he’s arrived all by himself grasps your interest, considering how everyone around you would tell you he was probably seeing someone else… however, if he did have someone, he wouldn’t bring them to your party, would he?

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it,” he says with a gentle tone, but the formality is still there, you notice.  

You two engage in some small conversation and you can’t help but to take him in and realize that, just like the perfume, Eddie looks exactly the same with everything else. The same hairstyle, same grey t-shirt you gifted him on your last Christmas together, the same constant half smile while he talks… he still speaks quietly, letting out just a few small words, which has always forced you to be the one to push on the conversations…

It’s… familiar… even comfortable, you dare say. But if you’re going to be honest with your own feelings, ever since he walked away, you thought you would be yearning to feel that familiarity again, that it would lead you to a sense of… home.

Why it isn’t quite like that, though?

“You look different,” he says as the subjects of small talk seem to come to an ending point.  

You put your previous thoughts aside for later consideration.

“Oh…Different good or bad?” you ask, tilting your head with a small pull in the corner of your lips.

“I don’t know... just…different, I guess,” he frowns and quickly puts on that half smile of his.

“Oh, well… it’s been a while…“

“Yeah… I guess you’re right,” he says, regarding you with a wondering look in his eyes that makes you shift on your knees, “Listen,” he clears his throat, “I was wondering if we could meet to talk one of these days.”

“Oh,” you draw in a breath. Talking to him, having a real conversation, is something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time. It still feels like you don’t fully understand why you’re broken-up. Regardless the time it’s passed, you still feel attached to him somehow, like, no matter how exciting and new, you’re now living someone else’s life and not the one you had planned for you years ago.

“I mean,” he adds before you can give him a proper answer, “We still need to figure out what to do about the condo.”

The words are like cold water thrown at your face. There you are, thinking he wanted to talk about your relationship, but what’s really on his mind is the condo you’ve bought together. Swiftly, you work on putting a small smile on your face, “Yeah… sure, you’re right,” you nod.

“Hey! Eddie!”

Both of you look towards the female voice and your eyes fall upon a beautiful young woman you recognize as one of the members of SHIELD’s tech team. You’ve worked with her on a joined project of the two organizations before. Chloe… you believe her name is Chloe.

She’s waving at Eddie excitedly, calling him over the little group she’s with. She doesn’t seem to notice you’re standing next to him until her gaze meets yours. The wide grin on her face drops into a quick cringe before she nods in a respectful manner and shifts her look away, whispering something at one of the guys in the group.

When you set your attention back on Eddie, you tighten your lips just as you notice how the bone on his throat bobs right before his flustered eyes meet yours again.

“I-I, ahm, gotta go,” he runs his hand on the nape of his neck, “Can I call you later?”

“Yeah, sure.” Your voice comes out calm and controlled.

“It was good to see you,” he says, before placing his hand on your shoulder, “Congratulations again.”

After you give him a small nod as a thank you, keeping the tight smile on your face matching his, he walks away towards the group and the woman. The one your friends kept warning you about, apparently, given how uncomfortable he seemed to be in front of you after you saw her. As soon as he gets there, you see the two of them talking in hushed words. He keeps a safe distance from her, but his hand on her arm is where your gaze sticks on. 

You don’t have the slightest idea of what’s happening with your feelings right now. Minutes ago you were realizing the familiarity of Eddie wasn’t what you expected it to be anymore, but now, seeing him so close to someone else… a beautiful woman, to be more specific, with her long black straightened hair and fancy blue dress holding each one of her beautiful curves…It just crushes you.  A lump grows in your throat and while your gaze flicks around, you feel small… lost… picturing ways you could flee away from your own party at the same time ten years of your life flash in your mind.

The cold, yet gentle touch of metal in your elbow is what takes you out of your own head, “Hey, everything alright?” says the silky and soothing voice.

Your gaze meets Bucky’s while he stares at you with concerned eyes. Those gorgeous blue eyes of his…There’s already a bit less  turbulence inside your chest and mind. You think nothing of it, though.

“Yeah, yeah…” you smile, “He, ahm… Some friends called him. He had to go.”

Bucky just lets out a hum – which sounds more like a groan – staring over your shoulder to where the little group stands.

“He said he wants to talk…“ you start, and don’t see when Bucky’s breath hatches catches on his throat, his eyes back on you, “About the condo,” you press your lips, “He said he’ll call me.”

While your gaze gets lost ahead, you have no idea that the sadness in them pinches deep inside Bucky’s chest. If you could read Bucky’s mind at that moment, you would find out that the fact your reencounter with your ex-boyfriend hadn’t ended up in some sort of hope for reconciliation hasn’t left him sad at all, but the lost look in your eyes… makes him wanna hold you in his arms and never let go. Not before punching a douche in the face, of course.

“Oh, come on, sweetheart,” he wraps his arm around your shoulder, side hugging and pulling you closer to him, “You’re the fucking boss now and, look around, ” he gestures with his glass of whiskey to the crowded and jazzing place, ”You have a damn Stark party just for you. We’re all here to celebrate the badass motherfucker you are. You’re not just going to let anything ruin your night, will you?” The corner of his eyes crinkle as he grins at you.

You let out a small laugh, the heaviness inside you slowly slipping out of your body as you allow yourself to synchronize with Bucky’s vibe. You can always trust  the upbeat way he presents the world to you to lift whatever mood of yours up.  You look down at your empty glass and shrugs, “I might need a refill, though…or two,” you shoot him a warning look.  

Bucky’s smile stretches even wider and he lets go of your shoulders to offer his arm, nodding towards the bar, “Shall we?”

You gladly accept his suggestion by wrapping your hand around his elbow and walking with him, not even noticing that Eddie’s gaze follows you with piqued interest.

~~~

Quite a few more drinks later and after listening to Tony’s very nice and very Tony speech on his toast to honor you, you’re already fully invested in your party again. Bucky stays by your side most of the time, but you also come across with a lot of your friends from work and a few others, who are all more than happy to put you high on a pedestal for your promotion and party with you. It stings a bit when Camilla, your friend from work, tells you she heard Eddie and Chole are really together, but two or three more drinks after, you end up hitting the dance floor with a few friends by your side, not even seeing when Eddie leaves the party early, right before Chloe.

You’re happy to see that Amanda, one of Bucky’s friends you met that night in the club, has made it to the party, but you’re already too tipsy and it slips from your attention when she comments on how Bucky has been quite distant from her and the other girls for almost a month now.

If you’re going to be honest, you end up not truly noticing a lot of stuff since you’ve been drinking a great deal more than you’re used to, probably due the drill of having a kickass party thrown for you mixed with the unexpected sight of Eddie with a potential new girl - after months without seeing him. As the alcohol does its thing in your senses, you don’t notice the way Bucky looks at you, the way he holds you a little bit stronger when you’re dancing together, how he glares at the guys who tries to approach you or the fact he only leaves your side when he knows you’re comfortable and safe.

All you see and feel now is the music and the lights as you sway your hips to the beats. The party is almost coming to an end, but there’s still a small crowd of people enjoying their last moments there. The alcohol, the music and your friends, more precisely Camilla, Olivia, Amanda and Nat – the last two in the middle of a flirting contest you fail to notice, as well – are the ones around you. The buzz clouds your mind in a delicious way until your back bumps into a hard wall. Your weakened knees give in but before you hit the floor the wall wraps around you and holds you still.

Oh, you know that hard wall of muscles… You know it pretty well.

“Hey, there.” A foolish smile plasters on your lips at the same time the back of your head leans against the wall so you can see his face. His gorgeous and ungodly sexy face, “Your face is sexy,” you decide it is a very good idea to tell him that now.

“That right?” Bucky smirks, holding your gaze.

“Oh, yeah,” you clumsily turn around to face him, prompting him to grab you tighter since you stumble a bit on your toes. You curl the hand holding your glass around his neck, “And you’re big, too,” you don’t even notice but you’re a slurring mess as you speak and look to see your running hand down his broad chest, roughly probing his muscles, “Very, very big,” you exaggerate a sultry tone, the alcohol erasing any kind of subtleness or refinement in you or the notion that there are people around you, while your hand explores further down his body to say it’s not just about his muscles you’re talking about.

“Sweetheart.” Not making a big fuss about it, he gently grabs your wrist over his lower stomach to place it around his neck along with the other one, ”I’m very flattered to hear that, you’re one very nice piece of ass yourself, too,” he engages with you, keeping the playful tone.

You let out a girlish giggle, turning your face towards your friends, the trio now whispering and laughing among themselves as they watch the both of you, “He said I have a nice ass,” you shout, not realizing how loud you actually are as you lift and shake your hips, making your friends laugh harder and causing you to trip on your toes once again. But of course Bucky catches you before you fall.

“How many drinks, so far, huh?” Bucky chuckles, keeping the hold of his arms and eyes on you.

“Three or four,” you answer with nonchalance, bringing the glass to your lips as you hold yourself on his neck, only to pout when you notice it’s empty.

Your friends scoff at your lie behind you, “You can add at least ten more to that count, sweetheart,” Natasha shouts from behind you, punctuating the word sweetheart with a teasing pull on her mouth. 

You make a dismissive face only Bucky can see, “Nonsense, check out what I can do,“ You step back from Bucky with the intention to put on a yoga pose you’re sure will convince your friends of how ok and steady you are and as soon as you lift your leg, you trip again and this time Bucky is not fast enough to catch you before your ass hit the floor.

The four of them rush to help you out as tears fall down from your eyes at how much you’re laughing, holding your glass up. It’s Bucky who ends up picking you up, though.

He and your friends shower you with questions to check if you’re ok but it all falls like a blur sound to your years.

“Ok, I guess it was a bit more than three or five,” ignoring the curious eyes around your group, you laugh making an ok sign with your hands before your stomach churns and you grimace, placing your hand over it, “Oh…” your face drops.

 “Alright, come one, let’s go,” Bucky supports you with his hands and urges you to walk with him.

“Where are you taking me?” You frown, sounding almost offended as he takes your glass from you and hands it to Natasha, gently pulling you along.

“My place… let’s freshen up, come on,” Bucky patiently says, nodding at the girls to say goodbye, who just nod back, knowing you would be in good hands.  

“Ooooo, bye girls, we’re going to his place to freshen up,” you wink exaggeratedly and make air quotations with your fingers, addressing your friends as you clumsily walk away with Bucky.

~~~

“Bridal style,” you loudly announce stretching your hands and legs to the air as soon as he steps inside his living room with you in his arms.

Bucky can’t help but laugh as a snorting giggle follows your words. If he had his way he would’ve carried you from the party, but he didn’t want to attract even more attention to your state. So, on the second trip on your own feet inside the elevator he picked you up. It would be easier that way.

Bucky carefully puts you standing on the floor and, as soon as he’s convinced you can stand on your feet without stumbling or falling, he turns to shut the door, only to have you jumping on him as soon as he faces you.

“Hey, hey,” he manages to say softly, placing his hands on your hips as you shower his mouth and face with sloppy kisses which taste strongly like fancy champagne.

“What? Let’s freshen up,” you answer in a log slur, dragging your lips on anything of him you can reach.

Bucky laughs, pushing you away with a gentle yet steady touch, looking deep into your eyes, “That’s not what I meant… not when you had so much to drink, sweetheart.” He flicks his thumb on your chin.

It takes a moment or two, but realization – and disappointment- finally dawns on your face, “Oh… you meant freshen up for real…” You shut your eyes and tap your hand on your forehead.

Bucky thinks you’re too damn cute for your own good.

You focus on him again, “Are you sure, though?” You insist, shoving a finger in your mouth and tilting your hips, putting on before him the unsexist pose Bucky has ever seen.

Yet, it’s the most adorable thing and his annoying heart swells inside his chest for you as you keep your attempts of seducing him, “Yeah, I’m sure,” he nods unrelentingly, holding back a laugh and waiting to see the follow up of your shenanigans.

“But I’m horny and I wanted to suck your big dick,” you pout, crossing your arms and thumping your foot against the floor.

Bucky takes in a deep breath. He is only human and can’t help that his poor cock twitches at your bratty whine. But your glossy half open eyes and dragged voice reminds him he’s the only one sober enough to make decisions in the room and therefore, his buddy down there needs to chill, “I’ll be more than happy to allow you to do so,” he’s amused when your face light up, “But not tonight, sweetheart,” he puts his hands on your shoulders and turns you towards the kitchen, not without spotting the dirty look you give him.

“You’re no fun,” you complain, barely able to put one foot in front of the other before you stop and swirl around, trusting on his strong hold to not let you fall wearing a devilish little smirk on your face.  

Bucky cocks an eyebrow, waiting for whatever mischievous pearl will come out of your lips now.

“What if…” you start before a hiccup interrupts you, “I show you my boobies?” You offer, leaning over and pressing your breasts together through your dress, “You looove my boobies,” you wiggle your eyebrows suggestively even if your eyelids can’t even remain wide open.

“I do love your boobies,” Bucky can’t deny, not hiding his amusement.  

Apparently, that’s all you need to hear before you throw yourself on him again. Bucky swiftly catches you with a huff, but you can’t do much more than circle your arms around his neck and rest your head on him.

“Love your muscles,” you mumble quietly against him, “There are so many of them.”

“Come on, sweetheart,” Bucky tries, “As much as I love your boobies and you love my muscles, now it’s not the time. Now it’s time to get you some water, maybe a sandwich, huh? Then I can prepare you a shower and you can rest a bit and… Y/N?” Bucky calls when you’re too quiet- not even making a sex innuendo when he mentions a shower.

He listens a not so soft snore as a response and looks down to see you completely dozed, with your mouth agape against his chest. He sighs… still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, goddammit.

“Guess we can skip right to the resting, then,” he whispers through a fond smile.

Taking you in his arms he walks towards his bedroom and places you on his bed. You only stir a bit when he gently removes your shimmery and apparently uncomfortable dress and unties your heels. He dresses you in a t-shirt of his so you can rest comfortably. He manages to make you drink a little bit of water, to which you whine graciously enough, and, after covering you with a thin blanket – because he knows you’re never really that cold at night, no matter the temperature in the room –  he moves to get up and maybe take a shower for himself.

“Bucky,” you mumble and, without opening your eyes, you move yourself to nuzzle against his metal hand sprawled on the mattress, “You’re not going to leave me, are you?”

Bucky is absolutely sure you have no idea of what that question really means to him, how it falls upon the rising tangle of feelings inside him… which is all for you. Wonderful and beautiful and special you, who came unannounced and stirred up something in him he never thought possible. Something he just doesn’t know what to do with.

Moving meticulously slowly not to pull his hand and wake you up again now that you’re deep back into slumber, he lays down beside you. For your question… he doesn’t say anything. Simply because he doesn’t know the right answer yet.

~~~

To be continued. 

[starstruckkittensweets]

Chapter LV (“AWWW”)

A/N: And I’m back with another chapter! The serious content has been toned down considerably compared to the last 4 chapters, but I’ve still left some warnings listed down below. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, please refrain from reading! Otherwise, I hope you enjoy the chapter! 

Fandom: Attack on Titan  Pairing: Levi x Mia (OC)  Words: 7.3k 

Warnings: mentions of healing bruises, nightmares, brief sexual content (nothing too graphic but please keep it in mind), just the whole process of recovering from trauma and assault at an individual’s own pace. If any of this makes you uncomfortable, PLEASE DO NOT READ! 

Taglist: @omg-lexiloveyou, @ataraxia101, @super-peace-fangirl, @mr-robot-x, @unusversuscanicula 

If you want to be added to the taglist please let me know, I’d be happy to add you! 

- 

|LV|

The first few weeks were the hardest.

Staring up at the ceiling in the dead of night, skin sticky with sweat and blood—no, not blood, just sweat—too afraid to close my eyes. When I did manage to snag a few hours of sleep, more often than not I would end up screaming myself awake, still feeling his hands around my neck. And every single time, Levi would be at my side, pulling me into his chest and whispering soft words against my temple.

But I knew it would get better. It had to get better. I couldn’t keep living this way; I had to move on and push forward, just as I always had.

Lina approved me for training at the end of the summer months, when my leg had finally healed completely. I no longer needed a cane to move around, and I could walk without supporting myself just fine. Once in a while I would stumble, but I was always quick enough to catch myself. All I had of that day in the forest was a thick white band splashed against my thigh, a constant reminder of my brush with death. I wore it as a badge of honor, just as I did with the scar on my cheek.

But there were other scars I wasn’t as proud of. The bruises healed in time. Eventually they would be nothing more than light marks on my neck, on my thighs where no one could see them. Sometimes I found myself tracing the marks with my fingertips, still feeling the ghost of his grip on my skin.

Scars that stayed in my mind, even when I closed my eyes. Scars that sent shivers down my spine, even with a thousand blankets wrapped around me. Scars that had me crying in the stupidest moments, whether I was getting out of bed in the morning, making myself a snack, or simply trying to enjoy a ride with Edel. No matter what I would find myself shedding a few tears—and no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

My kids were supportive. Reggie took the lead when I couldn’t, directing them through their training and keeping them in top form for the upcoming expeditions. He was strict but considerate when it came to their needs; he was becoming a better leader with every passing day. Murphy would linger at the stables with me, as I brushed Edel’s coat and kept him clean. Gretel would bring me tea and snacks when I was cooped up in the mess hall, working on my paperwork. Evan would accompany me to Ahorne, as both my personal guardian and my fellow shopper (neither of us could be trusted in a marketplace—we would both return with empty pockets, our arms full of useless trinkets that made us smile).

Sometimes people would stare at me, with scrunched-up faces and scrutinizing looks. They knew me as Mia Wolf, the girl who had killed a member of the royal assembly—and was allowed to keep her life despite that. Some of them expressed pity, which made me feel even worse some days. Sometimes I’d preferred if they hated me altogether; it just made it easier to deal with.

Hanji helped me get used to the ODM gear again. We took it slow, gliding through the forest to stretch out our muscles. It was almost like riding a horse—once you learned how to use the gear, no matter how much time had passed, you never forgot how to use it. When I was all warmed up, Moblit set up some of the wooden Titan dummies for us, and Hanji and I quickly set to work.

It was…nice. I enjoyed training like this, I always had. I enjoyed feeling the wind in my hair, the sweat on my palms, and the weight of the blades in my grip. I enjoyed riding Edel until the sun began to sink in the distance. I enjoyed walking through the towns and districts, feeling the cobblestone and dirt scuff beneath my boots.

For a few brief moments, one day at a time, everything started to feel normal.

|~|

Leyna had written to me again. She had stayed true to her word these past few months, keeping in touch through both letters and visits to the base. She never stayed long when she visited the base (she claimed it was too dirty for her liking, which made Levi scoff under his breath at her), but she always made sure to check up on me whenever she did.

So when the messenger brought me an envelope on his next visit to the base, sealed with the mark of the King’s Guard, I tore it open and held it to my face. Leyna’s elegant script stared back at me, like ribbons dancing along the page.

 Mia,

How are you doing? Is your leg giving you any trouble? I know it’s been a while since I last wrote to you. I hope you’re feeling alright, and that Levi isn’t giving you any trouble over there.

I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to make it to the base any time soon. Something’s come up in the capital, and the King’s Guard has been instructed to remain close for a little bit. Nothing bad has happened, I promise. But it’ll be a while until I’ll be able to leave again. I won’t be able to come by until possibly next spring. Duty calls, right?

Sara and Emil were wondering about you, too. They hope you’re feeling alright. And so do Elise and Vivienne. They’re all worried about you, and they hope this stupid exile from the city won’t last for too long. Especially Vivienne—I can tell she wants to talk to you soon.

I promise I’ll write again soon. Let me know how you’re doing. And don’t push yourself too hard! (I’ll know if you do, so don’t test me.)

With love, Leyna

 I read through the letter over and over again, my sister’s voice echoing in my ears. I took a seat at the edge of the meadow where Edel was currently grazing, with my back against the wooden fence, still holding the letter against my chest.

Things between us finally seemed fine. Pleasant, even, which was already more than enough I could ever hope for when it came to my relationship with my sister. We were constantly butting heads, acting as two opposite ends of a spectrum: the fast-talking politician of the Military Police, and the reckless girl from the Scouts who seemed just a little too eager to die.

I had caved in and told her about Jax, and what happened with him at the night of our graduation ceremony. Through our letters, of course. It was just easier that way. After everything that had happened, I didn’t think I could look her in the eyes and tell her all of that to her face. Besides, it made me feel better writing it out. Lina had said it would act as a coping mechanism, to write out all the things I could never say out loud.

So I did. And still, Leyna remained my ally, despite the distance between us.

“Everything alright with her?”

I glanced up at Levi, who was leaning against the rickety wooden fence beside me. Mischa was now in the meadow, bumping her nose against Edel’s and swishing her tail happily. He must’ve come out to join me… I smiled at the thought.

“She’s okay.” Thankfully, things had been more civil between the two whenever Leyna came down to visit. “She won’t be able to come back for a while, but she’s alright.”

He hummed under his breath before rubbing his hands together. It was only late September, but it was already starting to get colder in the mornings, before the sun was fully up. “Anything new with the exile?”

I swallowed hard and shook my head. “Not really. I don’t think they’re going to overturn it any time soon, either.”

Which was fine, in my book. I was currently banned from ever stepping foot into the capital of Mitras? It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. At least I didn’t have to suffer through any more lavish parties or boring meetings with the royal assembly. The only downside was, I only had a few chances to see my sister and her friends.

Edel whinnied before prancing off across the meadow, with Mischa hot on his tail. She kicked up her legs in a playful manner, spraying dirt and mud everywhere she went. Edel grumbled, shaking his head as a fleck of dirt brushed against his face. He stomped on the ground, throwing his head back and calling for her to follow.

I snickered at the two, fooling around like silly little foals. But Levi only rolled his eyes, before sinking down and sitting beside me in the dying grass. I huddled close to him, still holding Leyna’s letter between my fingers, not even caring if the other Scouts saw us.

“You were out with Hanji, I take it?”

“Yeah, she and Moblit helped me with some training. Tomorrow I might take Reggie and the kids out for a little practice in the forest. I don’t want to leave Reggie to do all the heavy-lifting nowadays.”

“Not pushing yourself, I hope?”

“Levi, I’m fine, I promise.” I leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek; he stiffened, but he didn’t pull away at all. “My leg’s all healed up, for the most part. As long as I don’t overdo it with training, Lina said it should be fine.”

Fine. That was the only word I could use to describe the last few months. Not bad, not good; not blissful but not exactly painful. It was just…fine.

Levi stared at me, as though he didn’t believe me, before rolling his eyes and pressing a hand to my head. I grumbled as he mussed up my hair, but I didn’t have the heart to shoo his hand away. I knew I never really would.

“…Oh, Levi?”

“What is it?”

“I was thinking…maybe later today, would you mind helping me…clean out my office?”

His hand froze against the top of my head. I held my breath, my fingers growing numb and sweaty around the letter. The only sounds I could hear were Edel and Mischa playing around in the field, and the rest of the Scouts heading out for another bought of late morning training.

Finally, he cleared his throat and pulled his hand away. “…Are you sure?” He still wouldn’t look me in the eye, which irritated me to no end.

“I think so. It’s almost October. I think it’s time to go back.”

I hadn’t stepped foot in that office ever since that night, before I left for my trial at the capital. Hanji and Levi were constantly in and out of it, grabbing papers and books and supplies for me whenever I needed them. But I could never bring myself to go back there, even after all this time. I was too nervous about what would happen if I did.

But it was my office. It had been my father’s office, back when he had been a member of the Scouts. That part of this castle belonged to me, and I knew I couldn’t hide away from it forever. It was mine, and I couldn’t let one horrible experience scare me away from it for the rest of my life.

“Fine,” Levi sighed, and his hand came to rest on my shoulder as he spoke. “When do you want to do it?”

“The sooner the better.” Might as well rip the bandage off now, right?

He hummed in agreement, before whistling to the pair of horses prancing in the meadow. Mischa’s ears perked up first, and at the call of her rider, she began trotting back towards us, with Edel close behind her. I gave her a scratch against her neck, before pulling Edel close for a kiss on his snout.

Once the horses were brushed off and tucked away in their stalls, the two of us headed for the main castle on the base. I knew I didn’t have to worry about my squad; they had been given the day off today, to focus on resting up for the coming week. And from the looks of it, Levi had done the same with his own. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Murphy and Eld talking to each other as they headed into the mess hall, as well as Petra and Gretel laughing as they lingered outside the girls’ barracks.

I folded Leyna’s letter and slipped it in my left breast pocket, right next to the old journal my father had kept in his office. They were just words, scrawled on aging sheets of paper, but they made me feel safe. As though they were both keeping an eye out for me, no matter how far away they were.

Levi led the way, keeping a protective hand around my wrist. He was careful of the bruises, which were almost completely healed, thanks to Lina’s steady treatment. Both my wrists and my neck no longer hurt as much as they used to. Still, he kept his grip light and soft, as though he were scared of hurting me again.

He suddenly stopped on the second floor, and I sucked in a sharp breath. The tall dark door of my father’s office stared back at us, silently beckoning me to step inside. There was a clink to the side—Levi placed the small brass key in my palm, with his fingers still closed over my wrist.

“You’ll be okay?”

“I think I’ll be alright. You’ll stay with me, right?”

He scoffed, “As if you needed to ask.”

I gave him a smile, although it was a bit forced. Then, with another shaky breath, I slipped the key into the hole and pushed the door open.

Half of me expected the office to be littered with dust, with cobwebs and spiders dangling from the ceilings. But none of that had been true; of course it hadn’t, with Levi coming here every other week to keep it clean. Whenever he would grab me something from my office, he would always make a point to sweep the floors or clean the windows. At least, that’s what Hanji had told me.

The floor had been washed not too long ago. I kept my eyes peeled for any red spots sprinkled along the wood, and I sighed when I failed to spot any, especially around my desk. The desk itself hadn’t changed in the slightest. Piles and piles of paperwork were still stacked on top of one another, with pens and pencils littering the surface. I groaned upon seeing that; no matter how much paperwork I’d done over the past few months, I was still constantly behind.

I stepped in through the threshold, with Levi close behind. Everything seemed normal, from what I could tell. The desk, the windows, the paperwork, the bookcase—everything was in its rightful place. Absolutely zero signs of a struggle.

But I knew better now than to think it was all a bad dream. I wasn’t fifteen anymore, praying for everything to go away on its own. The scars on my thighs and neck attested to that.

“How are you holding up?”

I smiled at him from over my shoulder. “I’m okay, for now.”

He nodded and followed me throughout the room, before coming to a stop at the edge of my desk. I traced my fingers along the wood, feeling every ridge and crook in the surface, before stopping at the very edge.

This is good. I managed to smile, before pressing both hands to the desk. This is normal. I’m okay right now.

The events of that night played in a loop in my head, over and over and over again. I still remembered everything so clearly, as though the months had never passed in the first place. I still remembered the scent of alcohol in the air, the tang of fresh blood in my nose. The surface of the desk, pressing into my chest, splintering against my fingers as I fought to break free.

It’s alright. I took a deep breath, and Levi’s fingers closed over my wrist once more. I’m safe now. I’m okay. It’s just a memory.

I glanced over to the corner of the room, and even though he was standing right beside me, I could still see Levi’s shadowy form, hunched over beside the bookcase, with blood trailing down from the wound on his head. But then something warm and pleasant came to rest on the side of my face—Levi held me close, his lips against the little white scar on my cheek.

“You’re alright,” he murmured, pulling me into his chest. “He’s gone. You know that, right?”

My hands only trembled a little as I reached up to hold him close.

“…Yeah, I know.”

|~|

Every day, I spent a little more time in my office. I started out small, only doing paperwork at the coffee table beside the couch, or maybe in my bedroom, through the door on the far end of the office. When I was sure I could focus without the memories becoming too powerful, I moved closer and closer, until I could sit at my desk and breathe normally again. Levi would always be with me, keeping a watchful eye on me—as though he was waiting for me to snap and cry again.

But thankfully, that day never came. At least, not yet.

I still slept in Levi’s room, snuggled against his side as he draped his arm across my waist. The nightmares were starting to get better; instead of screaming myself awake every other night, it only happened about once or twice a week. Sometimes I would jolt awake in the dead of night, too stunned to scream. But Levi would always be there, pulling me to his chest and smoothing down my messy hair. Somehow, he always knew when I needed him.

I felt bad, eating up so much of his time. When he wasn’t with Erwin or training with his squad, he was shadowing me like a loyal puppy, waiting on me at every step. I tried to bring it up to him at one point, but he only scoffed and brushed it off, claiming that it didn’t really bother him in the first place.

“Someone’s got to make sure you don’t get yourself into any more trouble,” he mumbled, and I knew that was the end of that conversation. He could be incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be.

I couldn’t fall asleep the first time we slept in my own bedroom. I kept staring up at the ceiling, flinching at every creak and crack in the castle hallways, only to roll my eyes and order myself to go the fuck to sleep. Throughout the entire night, I only got about an hour of sleep, and with the way Levi kept watching me throughout the night, I was sure he didn’t get much more than I did.

But we tried. The first week, I was able to sleep one or two hours. The next two weeks, I slept about three or four. It was a process, and a slow and steady one at that. But it was something I had to keep working on.

On the rare days I didn’t have any training or paperwork to tend to, I would either curl up with a book on the couch of Levi’s office (or his bed, if he was out for the day), or spend my time with Edel down at the stables. Once in a while I found myself lingering in the mess hall, helping the cooks wash up after dinner, or simply killing time before lunch, fiddling with the ingredients in the cupboards. The urge to make something was always there in the back of my mind, but I could never pluck up the courage to grab a pan and actually set to work.

Sometimes I would wander into the library on my days off—only to find Petra already there, seated on one of the couches with her legs thrown over the arm, and a book placed firmly in her lap. She no longer looked at me with fear in her eyes; now she only smiled at me, as though nothing had happened between us that night. Sometimes I wanted to ask her about it, whether or not she saw me any differently now that she knew what I’d done, but I never had the guts to do it. I didn’t want to risk ruining whatever friendship we had salvaged for ourselves with a stupid question like that.

And it worked, for the most part. By the first week of October, I was starting to feel normal again.

Well, in most areas of life, anyway.

|~|

My chest was tight. I couldn’t breathe, no matter how much I tried. Something pressed lightly against my thigh. Something warm and familiar, something I knew from somewhere, but it still felt wrong.

With a shudder, I pushed myself away—only for Levi to grunt as he fell back against the pillows, his chest still heaving.

“What’s wrong?”

I pressed a palm to my forehead, still panting from his kiss. “N-no, I think I’m fine. Just…a little too much, you know?”

He sat up instantly, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. “Do you want to stop for tonight?”

“No, no, I promise I’m alright! I just…I need a moment…”

I couldn’t look him in the eye as I regained my breathing, trying to calm my frantic heartbeat. He simply sat there on the bed, with one arm around my bare waist and the other wrapped around my shoulders. As he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead, I could already feel my eyes burn with tears.

It was the same thing. Every. Single. Fucking. Night. And I was just so fucking tired of it.

November was closing in on us. With the icy winds and the falling leaves, I’d figured enough time had passed for me to try initiating some sort of physical intimacy with him. For the last few weeks, I had led him into my bedroom (or his, depending on where we were staying for the night) and pulled him in for a heated kiss. And for a few moments, everything seemed to be…well, normal.

But now it appeared I was back to square one again. Too nervous to go any further than holding and kissing him. Every time he let his hands wander anywhere other than my face and chest, I froze up and tried to push him away. It was fucking infuriating—here I was, inviting him closer, and then pushing him away when I got too scared to continue.

Just how I did before all of this.

“You don’t have to push yourself,” Levi’s voice was warm against my ear. “If you don’t feel comfortable, we can stop. Don’t stress yourself out over this kind of stuff, brat.”

“I said I’m fine.” It was hard not to get annoyed at him at this point. How many times did I have to say it? I was fucking fine—I just had to get over myself.

But I knew I couldn’t blame him. He was only trying to help.

I swallowed again before tilting my head up, pulling his lips to mine with my fingertips. His hands remained at my waist, even as I straightened myself out and wrapped my arms around his neck. Even as I lowered him down against the pillows, his hands stayed put, right where he’d left them.

I didn’t have any problem with kissing him. It felt nice, even the more intimate ones. There was something comforting about the way he kissed me—soft and warm and tasting of home, almost as though he was promising to keep me safe.

A shaky breath slipped through my mouth. I can do this. I’ve got this.

Slowly, I reached down and took his hand in my own. My thighs trembled as I led him down the length of my leg, fingertips barely grazing my skin. I was left in only my sleep shorts and underwear (my shirt was on the floor, right on top of his own).

I can do this. It’s okay. You know him. It’ll be alright.

Levi suddenly stiffened when I spread my legs just a bit, pressing the palm of his hand against my clothed sex. My nails dug into his shoulder, and in some strange way, the heat of his skin kept me grounded. Somehow, I knew I was going to be okay.

The weight of his hand was all too familiar. How many times had he pressed me into this very mattress, whispering words of passion in my ear, before moving down to grind the heel of his palm into my clit? How many heated moments had the two of us shared, grasping and clawing at each other like animals, moaning each other’s names in the darkness? How many nights had I gone to sleep feeling completely satisfied, knowing full well that I was loved by the man at my side?

Back then, I had felt safe. Secure. And easy enough to please.

Would I ever be able to feel like that again?

“You alright?”

I managed to smile at him, as the heat of his palm seeped through my shorts. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. What about you? Is this…okay with you?”

But he only shook his head, his free hand coming to rest on the back of my neck. “You do what feels right for you. Don’t worry about me, alright?”

Only when he nodded at me did I make any more moves. As slowly as I could, I rolled my hips forward, wincing just a bit as his palm grazed my clit. I wasn’t aroused in the slightest, unfortunately; apart from a dull throbbing in my clit, I was nowhere near as wet as I usually was. I knew I couldn’t force it—I had to let it happen naturally. But that was probably the most frustrating part.

I rolled my hips again, slowly getting used to the heat of his hand between my thighs. I knew it wouldn’t really prepare me for his cock, whenever we did start having sex again, but at least I felt a bit calmer now. Still, I knew I had a long way to go before that happened…

Finally, I loosened my grip on his hand and gave him another kiss on his lips. He took my face in his hands, pulling me even closer as he sank into the pillows below. When he finally pulled away, he brushed a finger over my bangs, sweeping them to one side so he could look me in the eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“I…” I swallowed hard and smiled. “Yeah, I am.”

“Good.” He kissed my temple again, before pulling me into his chest as gently as he could. “You’re doing so well already, Mia. I’m proud of you.”

It took every bit of strength I had not to burst into tears right then and there. And it wasn’t until we were both showered and tucked beneath the covers that I finally let a few of them slip, as I buried my face into the crook of his neck.

|~|

Some nights were better than others. Some nights, I could sleep peacefully, curled up with the man at my side, dreaming about everything and nothing at the same time.

Other nights, I woke up gasping for air, nails tearing at my chest, screaming at no one to get away, don’t touch me, don’t fucking touch—

“Mia!”

My eyes snapped open. Levi was hovering over me, his hands against my cheeks. Something wet rolled down my skin and splashed onto the pillow beside me.

My chest heaved, my heart pounded. Another nightmare.

Whenever they seemed to be getting better, there was always one night every once in a while that left me shaking like a leaf, crying and screaming and sobbing as Levi was left to pick up the pieces.

And judging by the way I gripped his shoulders as he pulled me in for a hug, this was one of those nights.

His arms were warm and firm around me, a makeshift cage that kept me safe. The thought made me want to laugh, in an ironic way. I had always hated cages, for both keeping me locked in and locked away from certain things—and yet here I was, not caring if I ever escaped Levi’s grip.

“W-what happened…?”

His hand brushed against the top of my head, smoothing out my messy hair. “Another nightmare, I guess. You wouldn’t stop crying. You want to talk about it or anything?”

Sometimes that helped. But sometimes, the dreams were too vivid for me to even speak properly. Right now, I could still smell the burning stench of alcohol, taste the sharp tang of blood on the roof of my mouth. Still feel his hands everywhere at once—everywhere they shouldn’t be.

I shook my head. Levi only hummed and continued to stroke my hair.

As I stayed there, huddled against his chest, I began to lose track of time. Minutes blended into hours; even as I felt my eyelids droop, I still couldn’t find it in myself to sleep.

Suddenly, Levi pulled away from me. I squinted my eyes through the darkness, watching him as he slipped off the bed and grabbed a spare jacket resting on the chair beside the nightstand.

“Come on,” he mumbled, tossing it to me, “let’s go.”

I didn’t ask where he was taking me. I simply put on my boots, threw the jacket over my shoulders, and placed my hand in his own. He led me through the darkened halls of the castle, holding a single candle to keep the shadows at bay. Not once did he loosen his grip; he kept his fingers laced with mine, a silent promise to keep me safe.

It was cold out tonight, the wind icy against my skin. I pulled the jacket closer to me, still keeping my hand in Levi’s. The cold didn’t seem to bother him, though. He simply pressed on, guiding me through the shadowy fields.

He pushed the doors of the mess hall open, and the two of us stepped inside. After lighting the lantern at the edge of the door, he finally loosened his grip on my hand. I rubbed them together, still freezing from our little walk. Neither of us spoke as he headed into the back of the empty hall, as I followed close behind.

Wordlessly, he set the lantern on the counter and started going through the pots and pans stacked in the cupboards above. I could feel my eyebrows knit together as he worked—feeding spare logs to the fire for the stove, running his hands under warm water to wash them, and gathering some of the fresh vegetables stocked in the pantry.

I opened my mouth, eager to know just what he was doing, but I decided against it in the end. So I wrapped my arms around myself and took a seat on one of the counters (the one furthest away from where he was working), watching him in silence.

Minutes ticked by. He mumbled softly under his breath as he worked, adding bits of carrots and potatoes to the pot. From the way he moved and the ingredients he was using, I could only assume he was making some kind of soup.

My eyes grew warm at the realization. Was he really making me soup from his own hand? Just to try to make me feel better about tonight?

I had no idea he could make soup. Actually, I had no idea he could even cook at all. Despite all the years we’d known each other, there were still some things I didn’t know about Captain Levi.

Finally, he grabbed a spare bowl and spoon from the cupboard, before gently pouring some of the soup into the bowl. But he didn’t hand it to me right away; instead, he motioned for me to follow him into the main hall, before directing me to an empty table. He set the bowl in front of me, keeping a towel wrapped around the bottom to protect his hands.

“Don’t burn yourself,” he mumbled, taking a seat across from me.

My stomach growled at the promise of fresh food. Homemade food—the best kind out there. And it looked simply stunning. A creamy white color with tiny chunks of celery, carrot, and onion sprinkled throughout. And when I scooped up the first spoonful, I could even taste the potatoes, rich and soft and absolutely delicious.

I couldn’t say much other than a mumbled thank you as I dug into the soup. I hadn’t been hungry when I’d gone to bed earlier in the night, but right now I was eating as though I’d been starving for weeks. It wasn’t until the bowl was half-empty that I could slow down enough to speak properly.

“Levi, this is delicious!” Another spoonful, and I almost burned the roof of my mouth with it. “Seriously, I love it! I had no idea you could cook!” Just like I had no idea he could draw, until he presented me with that beautiful sketch of myself and Edel last Christmas. “I wish you’d told me, maybe we can cook together sometime! That is, if you want to… Anyway, is it your recipe? I didn’t—”

“Slow down,” he hissed, “before you burn your tongue. Or bite down on it.”

I snapped my mouth shut—but not before slurping up another spoonful, my eyes fluttering at the taste. Levi scoffed, but I could see the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“One at a time, brat. We have all night, you know.”

Suddenly, I felt like I was twenty-four again, seated at this very table with Levi as he told me all kinds of stories about Isabel and Furlan. Getting him to talk then had been much harder than it was now. That was when the pain of losing those two, the pain of losing my brother Ben, had been almost too much to handle.

And now look where we are.

“I don’t do this that often,” he started, motioning to the bowl (which was nearly empty at this point). “It’s only something I do once in a while. Furlan did most of the cooking, anyway. He was better at it than I was.”

He was? I couldn’t believe it. This soup right here was probably the best I’d ever tasted—well, almost. Ma’s homemade vegetable soup still came out on top, as always.

“Oh, I get it. So…this is his recipe?”

His eyes dropped to the table, and even in the faint lamplight, I could see the dusting of pink on his soft cheeks.

“No, it was my mom’s.”

I froze, the spoon hovering in the air halfway to my lips. Suddenly, my chest felt warmer than it already did.

“…It was?”

He nodded, stretching his hand across the table, lacing his fingers with my own. “She used to make it for me sometimes, especially when I was sick. We didn’t always have fresh ingredients in the Underground, but she made do with what she had. Once in a while she got her hands on a little extra money, though. She always spent it on food for us.”

“Oh…” I swallowed the last bit of soup, tightening my fingers around his own. “They didn’t…feed you at the brothel? I thought they did…” My knowledge on brothels was limited, considering their absence above the surface, but I had been under the impression they secured their workers with both food and a place to sleep at night.

But by the way Levi was looking at me, I assumed that hadn’t been the case. “As if,” he spat, rolling his eyes. “She had to pay for that kind of shit. Everything down there cost money—just like it does up here. Only…” The forlorn look in his eyes made my chest hurt.

Only it’s not as bad up here as it is down there.

The two of us sat there in silence, still gripping each other’s hands. Finally, he sighed and leaned back in his seat, motioning to the empty bowl in front of me.

“You want any more? There’s still some left in the pot.”

“Yes, please!” But before he left with the bowl, I tugged him back by the sleeve, smiling up at his face. “Also, your mom was a really good cook to come up with that recipe.”

He rolled his eyes and mussed up my already messy hair. “Of course she was, brat. The best one out there…”

From the way Levi talked about her—the look on his face whenever he mentioned her—it made me realize just how much he truly loved her. And it only made me sad when I realized I would never be able to meet her for myself.

The night passed on comfortably, as the icy wind shook the walls of the mess hall. Levi returned swiftly, watching in silence as I ate the rest of my soup, while sipping a cup of tea he’d made himself earlier. Once in a while, I could get him to talk just a bit, either about his mother or his life in the Underground City.

“So, am I the only one who’s tasted your cooking so far?”

“Tch, you wish. It was the only thing that could get Isabel to shut up when she was sick. Damn brat could never stop whining when she wasn’t feeling well.”

The mere thought of a whiny Isabel moaning and groaning until Levi decided to cave in and shut her up with some soup…it made me burst out laughing. I clutched at my sides, already feeling the tears bubble up in my eyes. And when I opened them and saw him glaring at me, I only started laughing harder.

“Sorry,” I choked out, wiping my eyes, “it’s just… I can totally see her doing something like that.” Of course, she would try to push his buttons like that. Anything to get what she wanted; she was just that kind of girl.

“Of course you would. You’d do the exact same thing if you got the chance.”

“Who, me? I would never.” He glared at me over the rim of his teacup, and I bit back another giggle. “But seriously, it tastes awesome. You’re a really good cook, Levi.” Just like your mom probably was, I wanted to add, but I didn’t want to make him upset.

It wasn’t long before he started cleaning up after me. But this time, I helped him out; as he washed the dishes, I dried them off and put them away in their usual spots. Before long, the kitchen looked absolutely spotless, as though we were never here in the first place.

Levi kept his hand around mine the entire time, walking through the fields and back up to the second floor of the castle, and finally into his office. I felt a little better, as he led me back to bed. My stomach was full, my hands were warm, and Levi was right there beside me, throwing the blankets over the two of us. For a moment, I felt untouchable.

I’m safe. Levi’s with me. He’ll protect me, just like he promised.

“Go back to sleep,” he mumbled, brushing his lips against my temple. “You need your rest.”

I curled up against his chest, too exhausted to even think about what kind of nightmares were waiting for me.

|~|

“Levi.” His fingers gripped mine softly—a sign he had heard my voice. I leaned further back, my head resting on the arm of the couch, as Levi groaned softly from his spot on my chest. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” he mumbled, and I rolled my eyes, “but what is it?”

His breath warmed my collarbone as my fingers dug into his hair. Soft and silky, with my nails brushing against the scruff of his undercut. I stared up at the ceiling, counting the spots and the stains, as I struggled to find my voice again.

“…You never call me sweetheart anymore.”

He froze up against my chest, and immediately his fingers slipped from mine. I kept my eyes on the ceiling, too scared to look into his eyes just yet.

A silent demand hung over our heads: Why?

It was a silly thing to bring up; something that shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did. But I couldn’t help noticing it. Ever since that incident back in the spring, Levi had refused to call me by anything other than my name. To be honest, it wasn’t anything different than what he used to address me on a normal day—it was always either Wolf or Mia with him, or sometimes brat if I was being particularly annoying.

But in our most intimate moments, it had always been sweetheart. Now, he refused to call me anything.

The answer came to me with a shudder. A memory of sticky fingers and pounding hearts, of the stench of booze and the taste of sweat.

Who’s going to believe you, sweetheart? The assembly?

“It’s nothing,” he grumbled, pressing his face into my chest. “I don’t have to call you that if you don’t want to hear it.”

Of course, he would think that. Just because Jax had used that word, he would assume it was dirty. Soiled, tainted—every pleasant memory that word brought was suddenly no good. Better to get away from it altogether than to keep bringing it up.

My fingers wove into his hair on their own. “But I want to hear it.”

This time he glanced up at me, raising himself up with both hands pressed against the arm of the couch. I traced my thumb along the side of his jaw, completely taken with those beautiful silver eyes of his.

“I like it, so stop thinking I don’t. I like when you call me that, Levi. So…please keep saying it. Please.”

Please, don’t let him ruin another thing for us.

For a moment, I thought I saw his lip quiver. But then he was pressing himself into me, his mouth tasting of tea with the faintest tinge of mint. I pulled him in as close as I could, keeping my nails against the scruff of his undercut.

“If you say so,” he whispered against my lips. “You’ll be alright if I say it?”

“Of course I will. It was your word first, Levi,” I reminded him with a smile. His only reply was another sweet kiss, with his palms pressed against my cheeks.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the sunset glimmering through the window. Dead leaves swirled through the chilly air, hinting at the close of yet another year. It wouldn’t be long before the snow began to settle on the ground.

But then Levi pulled me back in, his warm lips ghosting over my throat. “Mine,” his voice was husky, sending pleasant shivers up my spine. “You’re mine, sweetheart…”

A burst of heat bloomed in my chest at the name. My nails brushed his nape, his shoulders, and finally his back, digging through the gray fabric of his shirt. My cheeks were hot, my heart was racing. Levi’s eyes flickered up to meet mine, and his lips quirked up in a half-smile before he leaned down to kiss me once again.

Yes, I’m yours. I always have been. And you’re mine, no one else’s. Just mine.

There was nothing quite like the feeling of holding him in my arms, with his mouth against my own. It was just me and him, against the rest of the world. And that’s when I knew, deep down in my heart, that we were going to be okay.