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when i was in 5th grade there was this really annoying kindergartener who would come bother me when i was minding my business and she REFUSED to believe that i could read silently in my head. but i was in 5th grade and also stupid so id go "yes i can!!! look!!!!" and to demonstrate, to her 5-yr-old mind, id just stare at a page for a few seconds. i literally felt powerless to prove myself. she was like "off with your head!!!!"

i told one of the preschoolers i was going to take a nap when i got home and she asked me three times if i was joking and then afterwards just flat out refused to believe me

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sun tzu also said "hey guys"

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my most toxic trait is i fucking love work gossip. i play neutral not to be the bigger person or take the high road but to hear slander and hearsay from every side. two coworkers complained about each other to me in the same afternoon and i nearly blacked out from the rush

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Okay lets get down to brass tacks. No nuance.

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a few weeks ago i needed worcestershire sauce for a recipe but i didnt have any so i had to leave it out.

u are never gonna believe what i found in the cabinet today, unopened, probably has been there for months,

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what did dads even do before wd-40

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Silence

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Bones II in front of the 7 Magic Mountains outside Las Vegas, NV

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honestly i think i lost control of my life when i politely declined taking mushrooms with my roommates in 2020. like the mushrooms found me and i should have answered the call, but now i blindly live a lie.

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no one appreciates that i could be a million times worse

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2030's the pendulum swings the other way and twinks start wearing prosthetic boobies for fashion purposes

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