pachamammy

[pachamammy]

Breastfeeding + Formula

Hola! This blog is going to go into detail about my breastfeeding journey. If you do not want to hear descriptive information about this topic, stop reading now, I'll see you in the next one. Also, Trigger Warning for mental health (anxiety and depression)

starting off.

In the hospital after delivering Mateo into this world, I had no problem breastfeeding. He latched on like a dream and fed away. It also soothed him to sleep for the night I was there. A couple days after delivering, It was ruining my experience, but I still wanted to do it because I didn't want to give him formula. I was putting his needs before mine and that was wrong. If you are in pain you stop. Your needs are as important than your baby's. You are a food source, energy source, comfort source and your baby will sense that. You don't want that.

getting used to it.

As time went by, I resulted to using nipple guards (I know, sounded funny to me too). They're silicone shields from God that saved my breastfeeding experience. You see, the baby's saliva cracks your nipples. To prevent that, you have to use lanolin (nipple cream which is totally safe for baby) and LETTING YOUR NIPPLES DRY AFTER BREASTFEEDING!! Which I didn't do... Therefore started using the guards. It gave me enough time to heal while feeding him at the same time, very efficient! At this point it was getting enjoyable. I was feeding Mateo every day all day, putting him to sleep at night. Skin to skin once a day was like spa day for both of us. It's very theraputic for you and calming for baby as they feel your heartbeat.

formula.

After a month and a half, Mateo started more frequent bottle feeds. I was easing myself into bad anxiety and PND (Post Natal Depression). I was spending most days crying and thinking I wasn't enough for him. I suffered from panic attacks as I believed I wasn't enough for him. Every time I looked at him I couldn't help but apologise. It was a very hard time for me, and especially for my partner, Pa. Thank you for being so patient with me. During this time, I spend more time away from Mateo, therefore not producing as much milk as I used to. We had to prepare more bottles. We started using HIPP formula. It was a lifesaver. Its the closest substitute to breastmilk out there. Mateo was building up an appetite too. One I couldn't have supplied for myself.

Up until today we feed him a mixture of formula and booby milk. I still feel really bad that I can't be enough for him, that I can't produce as much milk for him because I know it's the best option for him, but I can't starve him. Thats why sometimes we have to put ourselves out of the situation and see what's more important. To weigh out the options and see which ones ends up being more vital. It is such a beautiful way to bond with your baby and I cannot describe how it feels to have that privilege!

mental health.

My mental health, as previously mentioned above, was unstable. I never had destructive thoughts but I was deep in a pool of anxiety and depression. I never thought I'd be so low after having a baby, especially after thinking that I couldn't concieve. I felt guilty and I didn't where to go for help. I didn't want to seem like a terrible mother. I thought that I should've been happy and confident. I didn't know what I was doing. I was insanely insecure. I thought my friends and family were ashamed of me. But it wasn't Mateo making me feel like that, its was me. My own insecurities and my own feeling were projecting onto. myself and it took a lot of work and clarity for me to realise that. Now I am still unsure about what I am doing. And you know what, Ive come to accept that. Im a new mammy and I deserve to be easy on myself. I know the loose skin and the stretch marks are going to take a good while to get over, but I slowly but surely recovering from PND. Of course, like everyone, I get my moments where I feel lost, but I have such a supportive circle around me. I remember I am loved and that Im capable of so much love.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

If you have any questions please leave them in the comments.

Gracias!

See you in the next one!

Chau

[pachamammy]

[pachamammy]

Welcome to Pacha Mammy

intro.

Hola and welcome to my blog! You're probably wondering what this blog is about... This blog, is my safe space, and I want it to be yours too. Also, this is for any other mammas out there that need to talk or relate to anything that you don't normally hear on social media, Im here for you.

This blog is about parenting. I know... BORING!! Or maybe not? Im not going to sugarcoat anything. I will be as raw and as real as I can be. I want to take you to my highs and lows about raising an Aries baby boy. I'll put my pregnancy journey up and explain in great detail (if that's too much let me know :))

finding out.

The night we found out we were expecting was a rollercoaster. I will never forget it. I was leaving work and walked into Tesco. My boyfriend (Pa) and I had intended on buying pregnancy tests a couple weeks before this but ended up forgetting. I told Pa to buy one because I was too nervous to get one myself. And so we did. He bought 6.

That whole evening built up to that moment, we were so nervous. So in I went, into the deep end. Took the first one, came back positive. I went red. I thought it had to be faulty. Ended up taking the rest. Except for one, Pa took that one for the laugh.

All of them turned out positive.

I cried. Pa cried. We didn't know how to process this information. Thoughts flew around our heads. Doubts. Worries. Not a good place I can tell you that. I wasn't ready. I cared too much about what people tought about me, I would say that partially ruined my experience. I didn't want my parents to see me as a failure. I didn't want my sisters to be ashamed of me.

My family was very supportive. Pa's too. I cried in Pas arms. But I was comforted and eventually my sadness turned into eagerness and pride. Over time, of course. But it wasn't always like that.

pregnancy.

I have to say, I had a very challenging pregnancy, physically and emotionally. It was a constant struggle. I was either getting a bad dose of morning sickness or getting deadly vertigo and passing out. Mateo liked testing my patience (just messing).

I wanted to show off my bump, but because of COVID I couldn't. Whenever I went out in public, I would walk the other way from people I knew. Id wear baggy clothes because Id be mistaken for a man with a beer belly.

My body confidence changed. Stretch marks appearing around my belly, my back, my arms, my bum. It was very hard to feel secure in my own skin. Even after having Mateo, my loose skin was hard to accept. But it's changing. Im getting closer and closer to loving myself. And that is all that matters.

Thank you for reading my first blog post, its good to get things off my chest.

See you in the next one.

Gracias

Chau