#and i had seen her the day before too
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I feel like if someone tells you they just got out of a depressive dip that maybe you should not blast them with traumatic stories
#coffee with friends today. originally it was supposed to be just the two but another ones day opened up#and i had seen her the day before too#so i got two days filled with her trauma stories. i love her but god i wish she'd pepper in just a LITTLE positivity into her visits#especially with the other friend. she sounded like she needed positive stories and i TRIED to steer the conversations away but dear god#losing that battle for 4 straight hours was exhausting#and now my brains sad#and now im studying#while brain sad
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Do we think odysseus started pranking Athena and her temples at some point? Because I do. He argued that it was good for sneaking and evading training. And you know what Athena couldn't argue that. Her chasing odysseus across the island was good training.
#Odysseus#Athena#Epic the musical#Yes this does go along with my other post about how Athena is with odysseus vs. Telemachus#After the fourth time Athena yanked odysseus from his bed at 3 am to drop him into the depths of shark infested ocean#Odysseus didn't even bother going home or drying off once he swam back to shore#He grabbed multiple buckets and filled them with seaweed and sand and crabs and dumped them in the closest temple#The priests are actively sobbing begging throwing up sacrificing because athenas going to kill them#The locals are preparing for dooms day they're going to be cursed so so badly and it's their kings fault#This just in local 15 year old king was seen dumping sea stuff all over athenas temples muttering see how she likes it#The first time Athena was too stunned to do anything she honestly didn't think anybody has had this much audacity before#To desecrated her temples in just a way how would dare who would even think to do that#Odysseus her chosen human apparently#It is admittedly a little funny how freaked out everybody was...not that she would EVER tell odysseus that#It is also coincidentally FOR NO RELATED REASON SHE SWEARS that she slammes odysseus into the palace wall at full strength for the first ti#After all odysseus it's just training what's there to complain about#I might actually have to write out athenas and odysseus's wacky “training” adventures#Odysseus being a rat bastard
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed obsessed
#WHAT DO YOU MEEEEANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN#TINY FUCKING BABY THANG WHAT THE FUCKKKKK#WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARIA KNEW IT!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARIA KNEW IT //WHEN IT WAS SMALL//#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BIOLIZARD WAS EVER SMALL!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!#i had always assumed the biolizard was like... before maria's time. before she got up there yknow#its fucking me up that she knows about it at all let alone knew it before it became ''''''the biolizard''''''#like..............#the new gerald journals show he was none too fond of the biolizard#like in the ''ohhhhh my god we fucked up''/haunting him of his own mistakes and misdeeds sense#but like maria knowing it before all that.... did she also see it getting all fucked up and going wrong#did she know. did she understand it was all for her. surely she must have....#you know i never cared about maria as a Character before all this. she was neat just as Concept/event in the series yknow#but everything ive seen for shadow gens the past few days/weeks [wrt dark beginnings] has been like man.Man. i get it now. im understanding#sonicposting
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Was that first glance truly a gay little moment between Mizu and Akemi, or was she actually surprised (maybe even a little jealous?) that femininity could even look like that? Lavish, spoiled, seemingly loved or at least, something to be desired. I think it's pretty sure that she does not grasp how Akemi's life is a prison just as much as hers. That much is clear in their dialogues and her behavior towards her.
What if that dialogue (you, magical forest creature spoiling your good chances at a good life etc etc) was actually lowkey jealousy? of a life she herself would never get to experience as a woman? of being allowed to be a woman AND have a chance at happiness?
#am I crazy?#I don't think Mizu is transmasc#they made it pretty specific in that 'I had to be' answer when she was asked if she WANTED to be a man#(and I'm saying this as a trans person so put down the guns before you reply to this please)#and she likely has a bunch of trauma from her ''mother'' forcing her to grow up as a boy instead of a girl#wondering what her life could've looked like otherwise#I think that resentment towards her blue eyes and white father isn't only about death and grief and all that it could also be#because of how she was stripped of her identity as a girl-woman from day 1 to stay ALIVE#we'll see in the 2nd season probably#someone said in London it'll probably be the first time she's seen as japanese#and I'd go as far as saying#the first time they may not even treat her as a man too#with how often asian men are feminized and disrespected in general around that time period...#Blue Eye Samurai#Mizu BES#Mizu Blue Eye Samurai
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nooooo don't think about kuwabara picking up smoking when yusuke leaves for makai as something to remember him by you're so sexy hahah
#''i don't smoke except for when i'm missing you'' headass#god. it's just one of those days#he comes home from school. he hasn't seen kurama in a while but he'll probably swing around some time#he can't explain it. it's not like the day had been terrible. it was productive even. killed it during his presentation#but of course there's always something missing. he just doesn't usually feel it as much as today.#shizuru is smoking on the steps. and he asks her for a cigarette. she stares at him. ''you don't smoke.''#even so she hands it over. maybe she sees something that tells her it's pointless to question or even refuse#her brother used to nag her for her smoking constantly. now he's joining her. she puts her own out suddenly not in the mood. she watches.#kazuma coughs but not too much. he's practically a natural. shizuru is gonna kill that urameshi.#she doesn't of course. kazuma is too happy to see him. lucky brat. she sees the guy pat his pockets before kazu passes him a cig#yusuke looks at him strangely. ''since when do you smoke?'' ''i don't.'' it's not like kazuma to lie. though she supposes#it's not like him to smoke either. besides...something tells her that as long as yusuke's here it's not a lie at all#didn't mean to drabble in the tags but i had to share my vision
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i’ve got a cold :((
#my friend has it too but a little worse and her mum thinks it’s covid#reallllly bad sore throat out of no where - i thought it might’ve been my allergies - but we’ll see if i get really tired or anything too#ive not seen my friend for like two weeks either so in know we haven’t passed it to each other it’s just that time of year for colds and#flus. i should probably book in my flu jab#stelle yaps#i have access to the at-home covid tests but they never come up positive for me - even the ones you’d drive for in the height of it never#came up positive for me and the house could’ve had both my mum and brother with it confirmed and me with a ‘cold’#it’s like i��m immune to the bloody tests - but if it gets worse by the end of the day i’ll do one in the morning before work
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Soooo what are y’all’s hcs on the Tweak family 🤔🤔🤔
#lowkey I like to hc it as a generational trauma type of thing for Mr Tweak#I feel like Richard was a LOT like Tweek when he was little#very anxious and unsure of himself#he mentions in the gnomes episode I believe that his business has been going on 30 years#and was passed down to him by his father by his father before him#growing up I think that he too was given a lot of this coffee by his father#and over the years he was conditioned and manipulated into accepting this as the norm#in hopes that he would one day take over the business#when he was finally old enough his father shared the family recipe with him and at that point he had pretty much been brainwashed#I think he sees a lot of his younger self in tweek which is why he’s so condescending towards him and so determined to steer him down the#same path. Repeating the cycle and all that#and when Tweek is old enough he plans on sharing the family’s secret as his father did with him#MRS Tweak on the other hand is an interesting one#we know so little about her but I feel like her personality also says a lot about her#she’s definitely better than Mr Tweak but she’s still very complacent and neglectful#I think what stands out to me the most about her though is the way her personality can completely switch up at times#most of the time she has this eerily calm almost docile personality#but other times she’s a LOT more attentive and caring#yk like a normal mom#COMPLETELY different from how she usually acts#but the episode that gets me the most is “Gnomes#where she actively goes against Richard’s attempt to manipulate the kids and use them for business ventures#yet this is the same mom that actively poisons her son? presumably for the business??#like it doesn’t make sense to me#I’ve seen someone suggest that Richard has been drugging her too#and BOY would that be a twist#definitely would explain the sudden shift in personality#i definitely think it would be interesting if she was in the dark about a lot of this too#not using this as an excuse as I still do think she is SOMEWHAT negligent on her own but I do think it could explain some things#south park
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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Chris Harms at Gefragt – Gejagt | The Chase A Tragedy in 3 Acts
#chris harms#lord of the lost#lotl#queue are not the bug queue are the patch#sorry for the gif spam everyone but this was so hard to choose from. way too many good moments.#like when he knew the answer to the first question and said it out loud before the chaser had even picked her answer#or like twenty of his extremely displeased facial expressions. like at all the times the host alexander bommes called him 'Quiz Harms'.#biggest respect to bommes tho. have never seen someone be so immune to chris's charm. or maybe that cold shoulder was just him flirting bac#this is all light-hearted of course. chris did a great job. but he was also too fun to watch#some of these are actual quotes btw ... i let you guess which ones ;)#if anyone wants to see the whole show: the link is in the description. chris is there between 52:12 and 1:21:12#(the moment the tumblr tags work properly for once will be the happiest day of my life)
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haven’t had such a nice day in so long
#visited my childhood friend of 20 years in the city she had moved to#she picked me up from the train#then treated me to a delicious lunch and cake#we watched the start of the new gntm season#then she made my nails and omg I’m in LOVE#I’ve never seen her be this focused on something before agdhgj she did such a good job#we also had wine while doing that and listened to fun music#after we went to a cute immersive light show exhibition thingy#and then she borrowed me some of her clothes bc she had convinced me to go out#and my god was she cute and supportive and sweet about it#and I really really needed all that#she’s that friend that always gets hit on when we’re out if you remember That story of me being miserable#WELL the queue in front of the club was too damn long so we just went home again so that was great for me ahdjgj#all in all such a lovely day I adore her lots she made me feel so loved today
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You know I was thinking. Since I was a ten year old and boys would ask me out as a joke, cos I was the fat autistic ginger nerd who no one wanted to be friends with, and they found that hilarious, up to being rejected recently by hookups in the past few months cos I'm not far enough in my transition or I'm too fat or too ugly or too much for some people, I've dealt with rejection and people laughing at me instead of loving me my whole pre teen-adult life.
Just thinking of damage done by a cis and heteronormative world, and how queer love is so healing and joyful and wonderful, and how I feel, at nearly 33, ready to commit to someone and be in it for the long haul because they like me DESPITE all my flaws. They love me for me and I love them for them and they're wonderful to me. They've never said an unkind word to me (and i believe them wholly that they never will and never have to anyoen else either). They've never asked anything of me that is unreasonable or I can't do. They've not laughed or run a mile when I talk about access needs like my chair, their only request being that they can still hold my hand while I show them off to the world.
It's been six months of 'getting to know you' and having fun together indulging in shared fandoms and writing together. For me, it's been about four-three months of pining and wanting. A little less time wishing and not daring to hope because I'm definitely punching above my weight lmao.
Idk. Something something queer love is being seen at your worst and not being judged. Queer love is joy, and happiness. Queer love is healing past trauma and being in it *together*. Queer love is everything.
And you know what for the first time in a long long time I'm gonna do some linocut guidelines and get them printed and transfer them to blocks and make some heartfelt art. Because they inspire me. They're my Muse, my love.
Bonus ramble in the tags about former unrequited and toxic 'love'.
#hadley tag#this is a hadley appreciation blog now and im not sorry#i didnt think love could be or feel like this#makes me wodnwr if the 'love' ive had before was love at all#when my last ldr went wrong and she ghosted me after 7 years of friendship and more#it destroyed me but with hindsight she was trying to make me someone im not#i was dieting on and off. unhappy with myself. unhappy in rhe music i was bzcked into liking for her sake bc she hated the music i wanted to#listen to. i had long hair. presented high femme. the day i came out to her as genderqueer she blovked me on everything. on christmas eve#no less. she broke my heart but i look bsck and it was unrequited. i was a good excuse for her to come and live in the uk but thats it#Once she had 'cooler' friends and a boyfriend she cheated on me with she ditched me#and I'll never forgive her for that. ill never forgi e her for the years afterward thT i was damaged goods#because she ruined me mentally.#but im healed now. im healING now. im ready to let myself be happy again#im ready to feel the whole gamut of love and affection and all of that#im ready to love and be loved. see and be seen. feel wanted and make them feel wanted too.#its going to be a long wait til we can meet but once xmas is out of the way this year im going to save up with hadley and were going to make#time for each other and meet and then we see where we go from there :>#im so happy i 'met' them#the good omens fandom is magic i stg
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I have this feeling that I have unofficial beef with my neighbor...
#text#okay so if you wanna know:#this old lady above our apartment didn't like me even before I moved in#when she first met me we had some guys over who uninstalled and took away the old kitchen cause we were getting a new one#and she instantly tried to file some sort of complaint that it was apparently against the house rules to put spacious furniture into the#elevator without some sort of cover because the elevator could get scratches or something but get this#there was nothing in the house rules that said this. my dad even asked the ppl in charge of the house rules and they confirmed that#pretty weird isn't it? well haven't seen each other too often so I had the fortune of not having to put up with her... until 2 days ago#I just did my laundry and wanted to put it up on the communal drying rack in the basement#you also have to know that the neighbors to the right of us smoke weed. A LOT. I don't rly care you do you but they seem to smoke 24/7#So much their entire apartment reeks of weed and they actually open their apartment door for like 1 hour in the evening to air#and of course our entire floor smells. so I get into the elevator and wanted to press the button for the basement floor but I notice it#suddenly goes up. and I'm just like okay fine.... until I run into the weird old lady and we stare at each other awkwardly#and I'm like “well... you need to go up or down...?” and she's like “I need to go down but I don't wanna get into the elevator with you..”#(get ready for what she says next) “... because your laundry smells” and you should have seen my confusion. I was so damn close to saying#“you think I put WEED into my laundry?? are you sure???” but I didn't say anything and just went well okay then not ig#So I go to the basement and put up my laundry a little bewildered but still mostly amused go back up and sleep over it#Well today I returned from college and went down to collect the laundry when I found a little piece of paper hung right next to it that said#“when you leave the washroom turn of the lights” but I swear to god I put out the light I'm 100% sure. And like she also knew I was down#there cause I was in the elevator and like why would someone put in all this effort to print out a piece of paper instead of just turning#the lights off themselves??? Idk maybe I rly did leave the lights on and this is a weird paranoia I'm having#but I can't shake of the feeling that it was her and she's trying to beef with me rly hard. idk old ppl are so weird man...
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bro i met fuckin quanera hayes today SKJDBCKJDSB
#i didn't realize who she was until after she left but like i looked at her face#i saw her team usa crop top#thought she looked vaguely familiar#and i was listening to the convo she was having with one of the chefs from over the bar window#as i was ringing her up#sjdkbckjsbkjcbdskjbkjsd#like she walked up to my bar today and before i can greet her#she sees the book i was putting down bc i read at work while it's slow and she goes#OHHHHHH CAN I SEE THAT? and like soooo excitedly starts reading the cover and back skjbdcds#she was so sweet 😭#she's coming back next month and i do work that do so skjdbckjs#will be making the best drinks of my life that day KJBSDKJCBKS#ALSO SHE'S ON A VERY FRIENDLY FIRST NAME BASIS WITH OUR CHEFS?#THEY JUST JOKE AROUND?????????? SKDJBCJS that's so fucking cool#i feel like i've definitely seen her come in before like she has to have been a regular too#this is crazy oh my god LMAO. i didn't watch the olympics this year and the last time i did was in high school#had i watched the paris olympics i think i would've been quicker to think LOOOL#wow JKSDBCKJSD#ooc.#tbd.
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thinking about that time in elementary school when i was hanging out at a friend's house, and she read out the questions to some sort of quiz in a magazine. i assume it was some sort of romantic compatibility quiz for the hypothetical men we'd hopefully eventually meet (lmao).
one of the questions was "do you stop to smell the roses?" and me being the very literal person that i was (and still am if im not paying attention to context), said no, of course not, because i hated the smell of roses, so of course im not going to stop and smell them!
it wasn't until quite a while later - im talking YEARS - that i first recalled that quiz and realized that oh, they were using that metaphor about appreciating small moments. why didn't they just say that instead of using indirect language??
anyway, every other time i encounter an image of someone smelling flowers or a use of that metaphor, i remember that quiz and feel indignant that not only was the magazine unclear, but my friend who understood that it was a metaphor listened to my entire 'roses smell strong in a bad way and give me a headache' ramble and still marked my answer as never stopping to smell the roses despite my incorrect interpretation. smh
#i hope that friend is doing well. i haven't seen her since summer before high school#i feel a little bad that one of my main recurring memories of her is of that silly quiz and its stupid metaphor but we had a lot of fun too#rambling#these days i am a lot better at spotting metaphors and other euphemistic phrases for what they are but many are stupid#and outside of fancy writing stuff or performative speeches should be kept to a minimum
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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