#Odysseus being a rat bastard

[backpackingspace]

Do we think odysseus started pranking Athena and her temples at some point? Because I do. He argued that it was good for sneaking and evading training. And you know what Athena couldn't argue that. Her chasing odysseus across the island was good training.

[starlitvick]

Alternate universe in which Odysseus is THE polyamorous rizzler and has a wife, boyfriend(positive), and boyfriend(derogatory)

And they all get different nicknames

Penelope - My love

Polites - My light

Diomedes - Parasite.

[bubblewater]

Like Odysseus is a pos, but not due to the fact that he was assaulted by two goddesses

He’s a pos due to his ego, yk

watching epic fans find out odysseus is a pos is actually hilarious

like “omg nooo hes so loyal thooooo hed never do that to penelope” girly thats the source material he straight up canonically did that

[dootznbootz]

I saw something that said that if Odysseus had to choose between himself VS. Penelope and Telemachus he'd always choose himself. How he'd be miserable and he would try to weasel his way out of it but if it really was no other option he'd still do it and...

Odysseus is an incredibly selfish man, that's not wrong. And he definitely has his cruel streak. But his whole thing is his unconditional devotion and loyalty to his family while basically being a rat bastard to everyone else. He literally puts himself in danger for them multiple times, even just in their NAME multiple times.

But this is the same man who pretended to be INSANE for at least a MONTH so he wouldn't have to leave them. I guess you could say it's because he's a coward or because of the prophecy but if he didn't care he wouldn't have saved his son. But even with all that, to have a mad king? That leaves your kingdom vulnerable. There could've been a fucking usurping. Ithaca doesn't have much fertile land and yet he destroys some of it. Even then in some versions, it's him literally running to scoop up his baby, "hearing thundering hooves past his head". Putting himself in danger in multiple ways as SAVING HIS SON MEANT HE WAS GOING TO WAR. WAR ISN'T SOMETHING YOU CAN GUARANTEE THAT YOU'LL COME BACK FROM.

EVEN IN THEIR NAMES, HE PUTS HIMSELF IN DANGER FOR THEM. Calypso asks what is so lovely about his wife that makes him not want her, a beautiful goddess. Said goddess has been abusing him for years yet he still says that he will ALWAYS go back to them putting himself at risk just DEFENDING Penelope and he's literally dragged back to her grotto immediately after. He even tells her the only way he would stop trying to get to them is if he were dead.

He is deeply hurt by her rejection but even then HE ASKS FOR A SEPARATE BED. He calls her cruel and stubborn and he's tearing up but he never threatens her despite her rejection could literally end bad for him. Paris for example, after Helen rips into him about how Menelaus was the better man and warrior who didn't back down, he basically tells her "Hey! You should be happy your husband's alive! ...Get in the bed."

Like??? he puts them first often, even if it means his own discomfort!!!

I don't think he would let Penelope or Telemachus suffer so he would be free. That feels like the fucking Tele-GONE-y to me. You can keep his "rat bastardness" there because if he was for example, being dragged to Hades or something, he'd give Penelope a look and they'd probably have a plan for him to get out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ He's sometimes said to be the son of Sisyphus. Who's to say he wouldn't do that as well? And if it was him "doomed to eternal damnation". He'd be trying the whole time to get back to them. (that'd...honestly be a perfect punishment for him.)

Idk, They're selfish about practically everything but each other

[iamnotshazam]

having a blorbo in greek mythology and epics is like the ancient world version of realizing the tv show had a different writer for the one episode your critter was wildly out of character and everyone is like "oh that's so them!" ??? did we watch the same show? helen of troy/sparta is a slut no wait she is a perfect woman no no she is a flawed human being no hold on she's a woman making her way in a man's world wait no she is the archetypal victim no wait-

not coincidentally i am reading madeline miller's the song of achilles for the first time and odysseus just showed up halfway through and odysseus'ed across the page so hard he made me fall in love with him all over again. achilles/patroclus is some foundational tragic queer romance, yeah i respect that, but odysseus. the laughing snake that tricks you into forgetting he is always ready to bite. my man

i bet he is a tricky character to write well but as long as he falls somewhere on the wile e. coyote <--> bugs bunny spectrum he is probably in character. because his character is to be tricksily varied. is he just a dude trying to get home? is he a larger than life hero? a rat bastard nobody can trust? the one male in hellas with a working brain who doesn't listen only to his dick or his overinflated ego? a wifeguy (positive)? a wifeguy (negative)? athena's special boy in this generation (telemachus and orestes wiping their noses on their blankets still)? or her latest mortal hackeysack, legs blurring in a looney tunes run between zany schemes, just a bit faster than the other doomed shmucks? all are intensely valid interpretations and go all the way back to homer 2800 years ago. incredible.

someone in the book is making fun of odysseus for bragging about how much he likes the ship, fresh from ithaca!! penelope modeled for the figurehead!!! he gets to see her while they're apart!!!! and that's why i set the book down for a minute. hgn. hdmahflshsk. odysseus sweetie pie i hope you still like it twenty years from now. the ghosts of my middle school english notes defining "dramatic irony" scream in ecstasy from the great beyond

[syntheticmortal]

I got tagged by the lovely @crownedinmarigolds! Thank you so much mate!! I'm absolutely charmed 🥰

Now my rat bastard spouse stole most of my tagging options on their post so to not double-tag I will add:

@skaerdir, @klaciate, @tzimizce and @vamp-orwave!!

If anyone who sees this wants to be an honourary tagee, then go for it XD

For those who don't know - Hi I am Alex! (He/They) and I'm a writer and an English immigrant to the USA!

3 ships: oh mate all of these are OCxOC with @c-n-i-d-a-r-i-a-n

Victor and Gloria – A Nos and his unbound Ghoulfriend. Making your touchstone one of your mission Ghouls is dangerous af but live fast love hard, lads.

Jeff and Lamb – Another of Vic's unbound Ghouls and the Thin Blood Nos that joined the Warren. Disgustingly fucking cute injected into the den of the rejected and disgruntled.

Ventan/Taakur Rig and Rozanin Rig – My and Daz's SWTOR PCs respectively. A Chiss Cipher Agent that ends up having to go hide with his Mandalorian hireling with her Clan and Roz's unrequited love becomes hella requited and suddenly Ventan/Cipher Five-now-Taakur has step kids??

I love it so much.

first ship: Oh god this takes me back to being little. Probably a Sonic one??

Shadow and Rouge if I had to take a guess??

last song: Temptation by Sean Paul! A proper bop

But honestly massive shout out to the second Nostalgia Synthwave mix by Odysseus on youtube

This thing keeps me sane, and has all the songs marked! – that opening one, Realign by Cerulean, can usually just melt my brain into peace whenever I hear it

last film: Snatch – Like VTMB it's a problematic fave that oozes style and characterisation throughout. Watched it as prep for a Setite I'm going to play in a V5 game >:D

currently reading: Altered Carbon by Richard Morgan as part of genre research. Finished The Vampyre recently too! Really I should pick AC up today, I've been working hard on my editing and outlining of my own pieces and neglecting the reading part of the craft for a few weeks >.>;

currently craving: So I'm drinking far less booze to save money whilst I'm out of work trying to get some Proper Writing done. So when I hit a good worthy milestone I'm getting a bottle of whiskey and I am ready.

fav color: Green! Sometimes purple!

relationship status: Maaarriiied to @c-n-i-d-a-r-i-a-n

last google search: I had to double check the spelling of Taakur for the ship section, so it was 'mandoa' :')

and before that I'm pretty use I searched Scryfall last night to go look at MTG cards even though I have no one to play with right now :'D (at least it's saving me money >.>)

current obsessions: Was tempted to add my own work here but I'll tag that on the very end XD

There's a lot of fandoms I don't leave – World of Darkness and Warhammer 40k predominantly as settings I always have another angle I want to see explored in!

I do however have the Magic the Gathering bug, even though I haven't really played in years and years now – but card interaction as a generation for narrative has always kind of captivated me? Like there's a couple big mean Ogre cards that make Rats more dangerous, but due to the way the systems work they also empower the Ratfolk of Kamigawa, the Nezumi, as they count as 'Rat' cards still. So big Ogre spellcasters improving Rat people as part of a contained bit of narrative kind of fascinates me as a concept.

Plus each deck presupposes a Planeswalker character who's casting those spells – and I was always intrigued by that notion and so most of my OCs are representative of decks I played (or wanted to :P) and then in turn each Planeswalker needs a Plane to come from, probably from a still existing culture on that Plane too, and so it can kind of wonderfully reverberate inspiration.

Like how every VTM Kindred OC presupposes a Sire!

BONUS ALEX SECTION

So if you want to get to know me, let me tell you about what writing I'm working on/have made recently.

Out now!

The Mutilation of Finley Reid

A short story of masculine horror, about a young man by the name of Finley who suffers in the pursuit of having his place as a man affirmed by his peers.

The world of Torranham Nights is an anachronistic reflection of England set in the coastal city state of Torranham, drawing from contemporary culture and folklore as well as the legends and reality of the cultures that came before – without being fetishistic about it like a lot of stories will.

Handle It

A short retail horror, about working the cash register of a butcher's counter, and the customer who orders increasing amounts of ground beef...

Inspired by my own work in a same spot, anyone who's done service work should get a kick out of this – plus it's free and only takes 20 minutes to read! XD

On the way!

Defector – name subject to change

A short story of grief, shame, suicidal ideation, alcoholism, and community. On the moon.

A Special Recon mech pilot, “Crash”, from Earth has defected to the Moon rebels, and now lives in Magnolia City, rotting away in her tiny apartment. Then the Provisional Government sends one of its elite commanders, a former enemy of Crash's, to pull her out.

Elhart: Arrival

The first of a short story fantasy anthology about a city of refugees at the edge of time and space, hiding from the end of the multi-planar universe. A super soldier has washed up with a near-fatal headwound and no memory, and she must learn to live in a far more peaceful world than the one her instincts suggest she came from. But who was she? And can she earn the trust of people who fear her potential to kill?

Neon Sun

A novel! Cyberpunk Vampires! If we're mutuals you can come ask about this but I'm not ready to share things too publicly for this one yet, but the outlining has gone beautifully in my opinion, and the worldbuilding is singing.

Speartip

I'm making a TTRPG!! It's a Powered by the Apocalypse engine game, about serving as the primary field agents of a faction of people who need your support and protection. Because if you're going to be a hero, who are you doing it for if not your kin?

Setting agnostic as hell, excluding some implicit need for magic in the class moves – I'm prepping to playtest this in sci-fi and fantasy settings to see how well my mechanics hold up in both swords and firearms based stories. Plus I'm going to explore a variety of perspectives of what the faction can be – from ethnic groups, to gangs, to guilds, to neighbourhoods.

I'm VERY excited about all this!!

[voidandradiance]

waiting for people to get Just not normal enough about the odyssey so that I can hit them with the mianite propaganda. pspspspspsp if you like odysseus being athena's cringefail devoted wet rat archer bastard who does revenge murder, you're gonna LOVE jordan captainsparklez in hit 2014 mcrp series mianit- [gunshot]

[kimpossibooty]

Ten Pokémon You Can Take in Hand to Hand Combat

Kids everywhere use these wild lil guys to fight other wild lil guys, but I’m here to tell you that sometimes you can skip a step and get your own hands dirty. After months of research, I’ve prepared for you a guide to ten Pokémon that, when the time comes, you can protect your family from.

I took a few things into account when making this list. Types that would be directly harmful to touch, like fire, poison, and electric, are all out of the question from the start. I’ve also taken into account evolution. Much like Man, the most dangerous Pokémon, strength grows with development, so Pokemon at a later stage of life are more of a threat than their weak babies. Last, I looked at basic logic. Normal type is known to be weak in fights. I don’t want to repeat myself, but the basic thesis of my paper on Danny Fenton’s letdown of a prom night applies to the idea of laying your hands on a Ghost type. 

With all the boring stuff out of the way, let’s get a-tusslin’.

1. Caterpie (Difficulty 1/10)

National No: 010

Type: Bug

Species: Worm Pokémon

I’m throwing you guys a softball here and starting off with this uwu looking squirmer. The worst they have to offer is a little bit of a bite, and even that only comes if they get held back a few grades before they evolve. Whatever they come at you with is nothing against a size 12 pair of Timberlands.

2. Lickitung (Difficulty 3/10)

National No: 108

Type: Normal

Species: Licking Pokémon

This absolute fool utilizes its biggest vulnerability to attack. They throw that tongue your way, just sidestep and and stomp/stab/sprinkle with Carolina reapers. If you’re worried about your reaction time, consider standing in front of a streetlight in the dead of winter before dodging a slimy slap.

3. Drifloon (Difficulty 3/10)

National No: 425

Type: Ghost/Flying

Species: Balloon Pokémon

4. Sentret (Difficulty 4/10)

National No: 161

Type: Normal

Species: Scout Pokémon

PokéGod clearly had it out for this poor sap when She gave them a built-in bullseye. Be sure to aim for it when you sweep kick their load-bearing tail out from under them and Macho Man Randy Savage Diving Elbow Drop them while they’re down.

5. Wooloo (Difficulty 4/10)

National No: 831

Type: Normal

Species: Sheep Pokémon

Fighting a Wooloo is less of a quick spat and more of a long con. Canonically, one of these cotton balls can withstand massive falls due to their cushiony fluff. It stands to reason then that they will not notice someone hanging onto their underbelly, like Odysseus and Polyphemus cutting out the middleman, waiting to strike the moment they let their guard down.

6. Ditto (Difficulty 5/10)

National No: 132

Type: Normal

Species: Transform Pokémon

A solid spartner (sparring partner). With the same strength and mind as you, they’ll never get the upper hand, so you can work on your endurance for as long as you’d like. If you find yourself ready to end the stalemate, bear in mind that Ditto can’t recreate a bowie knife tucked into your garter belt. 

7. Mr. Mime (Difficulty 6/10)

National No: 122

Type: Psychic

Species: Barrier Pokémon

I’m not saying this will be an easy match physically, but looking at their bulbous visage will unlock a primal strength you never knew you had in you. All inhibitions will be dropped an your sole purpose in life will become throttling the bastard until those rosy cheeks turn blue and that all-knowing, ever-taunting smile finally fades away.

Fuck Mr. Mime.

8. Alolan Rattata (Difficulty 6/10)

National No: 019

Type: Dark/Normal

Species: Mouse Pokémon

One word: entrapment. This Alolan scourge has taken to a life of crime, picking up the dark type as it embraced the lifestyle of island time.Your best bet is t hide a mousetrap in a thick wallet and carry said trapwallet in a conspicuous back pocket as you stroll around town. Once you hear the yelp of a dastardly pickpocket, turn around and punt that riffraff of a street rat with everything you’ve got. 

9. Starly (Difficulty 7/10)

National No: 396

Type: Normal/Flying

Species: Starling Pokémon

I tried to avoid adding birds to this list. Being able to move on a third axis is an unfair advantage, and I can vouch for how hard it is to fight a bird. That said, this scoundrel orb is going to be your best bet if you’re set on chasing that specific anti-avian thrill. It’ll be hard to get the drop on them, but a Starly’s the perfect shape to hop on and put in a headlock, as you careen down from the heavens to a mutual but worthwhile death.

Before we finish this journey, I want to pause. I’ve been focusing so much on the who that I forgot the why. Let’s ask for a moment, not who you can fight, but who you should.

Honorable Mention: Mime Jr. (Moral Difficulty 1/10)

National No: 439

Type: Psychic/Fairy

Species: Mime Pokémon

You know how people always talk about going back in time to kill Hitler as a baby?

10. Dugtrio (Difficulty 9/10)

National No: 051

Type: Ground

Species: Mole Pokémon

All those years of practice on Whac-A-Mole and that one spider game at Chuck E Cheese’s are finally going to pay off. Grab a mallet or mallet-stand-in and siphon off all of the government-induced rage you’ve got in you. You are facing a major threat in any seismic tremors they cause, so I recommend avoiding direct contact with the ground. Approach the enemy via a low-flying hot air balloon, a large crane, or Moon Shoes™.

NOW GET OUT THERE AND MAKE ME PROUD KIDS

[backpackingspace]

Odysseus showing up to the troy pre-game with less men/ships then everybody else, very finely dresses, and with ten years of food supply (hello prophecy he and Penelope received): no no what are you talking about this is all the men we have don't you know Ithaca is nothing but a very poor island. These clothes look so good bc Penelope made them herself and she is also blessed by Athena. That's right we don't even have slaves to do such tasks for us (lies. They both just like making shit for the other) no I absolutely didn't over pack on food what are you talking about this will only last us till we get to troy because it's going to be a short easy war right? That's what you're promising me. Please remember I am from a very poor island of rocks.

[queer-starling]

& all the greek mythology asks

Aether- Name?

fox or sometimes nate. i also have my real name but i don’t trust 99% of people with it, so, those two it is.

Anteros- Sexuality?

queer 

Apollo- Gender?

no

Ares- Favourite movie?

princess mononoke or treasure planet

Artemis- Favourite time of day?

night

Asclepius- Favourite animal?

foxes, possums are close second

Athena- Favourite thing to learn about?

world history/ancient civilisations

Atlas- Favourite myth?

cain and abel 

Cerberus- Dog or cat person?

i have a preference for dogs but i love them both sm 

Cronus- Favourite food?

baklava

Cyclopes- What’s your favourite joke?

my life

Dionysus- Favourite drink?

either wild cherry capri sun or fireball

Eros- Are you in love?

uh yeah, i sure hope i am (very much so)

Hades- Greatest fear?

idk ? sometimes i think abt whats gonna happen to my loved ones if/when i die and that stresses me the fuck out

Helios- Night or day person?

night timeeeeeeee

Hephaestus- What is your favourite form of art?

music

Hermes- Do you like traveling? Where is one place you want to travel to?

love travelling. would do it more if i had the money or time. i wanna go to alaska!!! or ireland and scotland

Hypnos- On average, how much sleep do you try to get every night?

enough

Icarus- How would you describe yourself?

Labyrinth- Do you have a good sense of direction/do you get lost easily?

depends? im usually alright with navigation

Medusa- Do you have any pets?

i have my rat bastard german shepherd, Bear

Odysseus- Do you finish tasks quicker, or does it take time for you to get through them?

HAHA . i have adhd so i never know! it depends! 

Pandora’s Box- What is a mistake you’ve made that you regret?

getting piss drunk at the furry con   

Pegasus- What is your relationship with your parents like?

mom and i are pretty close. my dad is just. yeah.

Persephone- What is your “type”?

my girlfriend is my type 

Phobos- Do you think it’s okay to be afraid of things?

yeah???? why wouldn’t that be okay??? i’m terrified of old people 

Poseidon- Do you like to swim?

yeah! love being moist 

Prometheus- If you could have any one ability, what would it be?

shapeshifter ??? ‘i wanna be a cowboy baby’ i say before i transform into a cowboy

River Styx- What do you think happens when we die?

well, our bones and bodies return to the earth and our souls? idk. i think maybe they exist on a plane just slightly above the one we occupy right now. i like the concept of valhalla and afterlife stuff but i’m not entirely subscribed

Titans- If you could go anywhere in time, when would you want to go?

i wanna go to medieval europe and start a mosh pit in a royal court somewhere. in seriousness i wanna go to the golden age of piracy. i want to be a pirate so bad

Zeus- Favourite weather?

snow !!!

jfc that was a lot. thank you liz. ilu 

[backpackingspace]

Penelope: odysseus darling....I'm not judging but why are you strapping knives, money, and an emergency pack to your chest? Is something happening? Should I grab one too??

Odysseus, not explaining anything: I'm not taking any fucking chances I've learned my lesson the last time she caught me off gaurd I was 17 it's not fucking happening now when we're married. I know better

Penelope who speaks odysseus: ....lady Athena attacks you in middle of the night?

Odysseus: YES it's so rude of her

Penelope, internally: don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh: should have just been a weaver instead, then lady Athena would just show up demanding woven battle scenes and new capes.

Odysseus: incoherent screaming

Later that night

Athena: Hey hey penelope I'll give you the power to see colors you can't even imagine and the threads to go with it if you get rid of that survival bag.

Penelope, not even hesitating: deal

[backpackingspace]

Odysseus with his head in his wife's lap, happily not paying attention to anything, humming one of athenas song and carving something

Some random guy: your majesty----

Odysseus: not bothering to sit up: whatever my wife decided is fine.

[backpackingspace]

Of course post-canon odysseus and penelope love each other (they are a little bit insane about the other. Neither is allowed to leave the others side for months after odysseus gets back. They cycle between sobbing on one and another and aggressively making out. ) but it's true that they have both changed. It's been twenty hard years after all. So

Odypen courting each other again just for the fun of it. Odypen deciding to act like teenagers again and make elaborate plans pretending to sneak into the others room.

Odysseus sending penelopes 90 year old dad a letter challenging him to a race for penelopes hand in marriage. (This does not go over well but penelope though it was hilarious)

Odysseus begging Athena to help him win penelopes heart/hand again. (Athena: What no why you're already married I don't understand you ) (she helps anyways)

Penelope weaving all of odysseus's clothes. Penelope hauling out every tapestry she made of telemachus's childhood (she made one for every year. To gift odysseus on his birthday when he returned.)

Odypen leaving telemachus incharge while they go off on dates (to harssass, cause problems, and badger other people into giving them things). It should be fine Athena has been sticking close to the house lately. And it's only for an afternoon anyways (at first. Headcanon that penelope came with odysseus when he had to go plant the oar and call it a windmill quest.)

[backpackingspace]

More of penelope and odysseus being rat bastards in love please. I know for a fact that these two were menaces to any neighboring kingdoms. They were pulling scams, they committed crimes, I know these two are just the most obnoxious people at a party.

[backpackingspace]

Eurylochus trying to physically drag odysseus by his ankles as odysseus clings to some tree root. (They've reached a stalemate. Polites couldn't make it today for some reason, he had blacksmithing training.)

Eurylochus: how the fuck are you king?

Odysseus, who needs to get all his dramatics out before going back to being responsible: didn't you hear i stole it from my dad

Eurylochus: nevermind I'm just going to kill you

Odysseus: I mean you can try ONE of us is being trained by the goddess of war

@www-dot-why-are-you-here-dot-com

[backpackingspace]

Okay yes odysseus absolutely fumbled first meeting with penelope. He was an absolute goof. Tripping over himself, blushing, loosing games because penelope waved at him, getting caught mid lie ect ect

But have we considered penelope was equally a mess?